#i re-read all of the fragments with them 20 times
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ver4n0 · 8 months ago
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• DAILY REMINDER •
We just know The Flags estimated ages (25 or younger) but we also have the information about Pianoman being the oldest and Iceman being the second oldest.
The only logical conclusion here is; Pianoman is exactly 25 years old.
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jessepinwheel · 7 months ago
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Re: Parasitic Extraction: I'm excited about the premise and if you can stomach writing it (does not sound short) then I will absolutely read the fuck out of it. When you say hive-mind situation for the cloned Obi-Wans, what specifically were you thinking? Individuals constantly merging into a gestalt entity to remain cohesive, then splitting apart for individual missions, changing slightly with every gestalt? The splintering of Prime Obi-Wan into thousands of initially-identical iterations who just have basic telepathy? A sort of Kalashtar hive mind thing, where Prime Obi-Wan is the actual entity and each iteration is a small fragment of the whole person? Do they share expertise and memories? Do they all need to die in order for him to become psychically whole again? I presume some (or all) of this is definitely unanswerable because spoilers, but I have spent far too much time thinking about telepathy and gestalt entities for my own novel-writing purposes, also because of that very early crush on Jean Grey, so I am endlessly fascinated by it.
considering that the chances of me actually writing this story are near none (I'm thinking about alternatives but a full story is not happening) spoilers hardly matter. not like anybody is going to remember this blog post by the time I release anything
the obi-collective is a pretty major part of the story and something I've talked about at length in my discord server, but the short version is basically:
it's not possible to create force-sensitive clones under most circumstances (the mandalorians have certainly tried). so for the obi-clones to be force-sensitive, basically obi-wan had to 'seed' each individual one with his own force powers and nurture it until it could basically sustain itself. obi-wan does this for 100 clones a month for two years (so 20 months, 2000 clones), and this results in all the obi-clones having a psychic connection to obi-wan and through him, to all the other obi-clones. not something that was intentional! these are just things that happen when you do weird force things you have no experience with!
anyways. all the obi-clones have telepathic connections to all the other obi-clones and can access each other's memories and physical sensations at will (this process can be blocked but they usually don't have a reason to). as more clones get added in and more psychic connections get added it sort of balls up into a collective consciousness which I colloquially refer to as the psychic soup. this psychic soup is so large that it's very dangerous for a lot of force sensitive people to connect to it especially if they can't shield well (which most mandalorian jedi can't because they basically burned all of the old jedi order's teachings) because it's easy to get overwhelmed by all the information and lose track of who is you and who is them until 'you' just gets washed into the soup, too.
(do some mandalorian jedi get absorbed into the obi-collective? yes)
back to the obi-clones. early obi-clones who mostly predate the collective consciousness (like kote (#0066) or surau (#0501)) have more of a sense of self and individuality because they were able to develop those things before the collective consciousness started happening. later obi-clones (like boga (#1977)) were created after the collective consciousness was established, which means they're more mentally part of the collective and more develop their individuality by budding off from the collective consciousness. these later clones are more likely to just turn their individuality off for a while and let themselves be controlled directly by the collective, or even don't bother with individuality at all
but obi-wan himself doesn't control the hive mind, and the obi-clones aren't mental copies of him. he just raised the obi-clones via psychic skype and also in person by possessing the clones for short periods of time (because he can do that) and the obi-collective developed on its own. obi-wan can dip into the psychic soup at will and get information, but they can't access his mind or wash out his consciousness like they can to other force sensitives.
hopefully that answers your question :)
ask me about parasitic extraction, the role reversal mandalorian empire au that I have
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fonulyn · 8 months ago
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20 Questions for Fic Authors
thanks for the tag @thebrandywine 💖
answers under the cut.
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
268 works.
2. What is your AO3 wordcount?
1,256,253 words.
3. What fandoms do you write for?
RE. and still have the urge to write Gears but lol if you thought nivannedy was a rare pair...
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
nobody's perfect (TOG, pretty gen)
now drunk on lust I drown in you (forever within I'm lost in you) (RE, Chreon)
and who's to find the way right through you (RE, Chreon)
scattered fragments of time (that's all we are) (RE, Chreon)
how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (RE, Piers-centric, also background Chreon)
5. Do you respond to comments?
always! i know i missed a couple, sometimes i take ages, but i do always try to respond bc i love and cherish nice comments.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
the bad endings on three words to last forever. i still like the angstiest one the most :'D
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
lmao like everything else idk i want them happy. i've written loads of fluff idk how to quantify which is the happiest.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
only ever got a few nasty comments thankfully, so no, not really.
9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?
yeppp. idk what does 'which kind' mean? anything that feels inspiring lol.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?
not really. i did start a few back in the day but i didn't really finish them. i am not really into crossovers tbh i don't even read them 99% of the time.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
yeah. someone was selling it on amazon pffth.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
a few. apparently five on ao3 lol but i think there was one or two back in the lj days too. might be wrong tho :'D
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
lol loads. at one point in life like... fifteen years ago, most things i wrote were co-written with a friend. and i've done it a couple of times after that too. i really like co-op stuff tbh but haven't found people to collab with lately.
14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
right now i would sell my soul for nivannedy. might already have.
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
ehhhh at this moment i doubt i'll ever finish anything. maybe the lifeguard au? i was red-hot for the idea at first but then it kinda... fizzled out. kept changing. got ruined by pushy ppl lol. but maybe i'll get back to it one day bc i would love a nivannedy summer romance tbh.
16. What are your writing strengths?
uhm. characterization. dialogue. emotional shit? idk i think i do best when i have intimate moments with two people. tiny everyday moments and mundane shit. like that. if i get going writing sometimes flows super well and i think i can get consistently readable stuff done in one go. but that'd require getting going lol.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
action. i suck at action. i also suck at it in the way that i can't actually make myself start writing. i got way too co-dependent when i still had people excitedly participating in the process and now i sit here sad doing nothing :'D but anyway. writing action and having some self-discipline lol.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
depends very heavily on the context. in general i do think it should be all in one language for readability but there are exceptions. i've done it too lol but it was only like a line or two in finnish :'D
19. First fandom you wrote for?
diru, twenty years ago lmao, it's like a different lifetime. i only learned of the existence of fanfic at the ripe old age of nineteen lol but yeah it's still been so long now.
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
asdjfngkn i can not choose between all of my children c'mon. uhm. am just gonna say the self-indulgent series bc it truly was so important to me for so long and i'm still devastated it ended. sigh. now i made myself sad again :'D
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adarkrainbow · 2 years ago
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Le Cabinet’s continuation: La Bibliothèque des Génies
Now that you heard of the existence of Le Cabinet des Fées, you will probably be curious to look into it. The ultimate collection of French fairytales? Count me in! You’ll rush towards your library or try to order at your local bookshop... And you’ll be quite disappointed to find it nowhere.
Except maybe in antique bookshops, or some corners of the Internet specialized in old books. 
You see, as I said Le Cabinet des Fées was published at the end of the fairytale golden era. It acted as a kind of “grave” for the genre, and so the common people, the general audience, wasn’t actually interested in reading all those fairytales anymore. Le Cabinet des Fées only truly interested experts at literature, fairytale fans, or people passionate about the era these stories belonged to. As a result, copies of The Cabinet could only be found in private libraries and expensive collections.
It also didn’t help that it was... you know 41 VOLUMES. It was a huge collection, and so it was very costly, which explains the limited publications and re-editions. In fact... for centuries now there hasn’t been any complete re-edition of The Cabinet of Fairies. The only re-editions that existed were sparse and incomplete. Even the very recent re-edition of “Le Cabinet des Fées”, that got published a few years ago to match with the return of fairytales in the studies and programs of higher education is a condensed, fragmented edition with only a handful of fairytales for each author, so as to be able to sell just a few pocket-sized books.
If you actually want to read Le Cabinet des Fées in a more faithful and complete form, you can hopefully jump on the Internet Archive, which has a complete edition of The Cabinet - not in 41 volumes, but rather in 20 volumes (thanks to the progresses of printing and editing over a few centuries). Of course one needs to be able to read French. So that’s a bit problematic... 
But the main thing here is that Le Cabinet des Fées was never a popular work, it couldn’t be found by a mainstream audience, and it was never back to its full and complete original glory. Which saddened many people since it was a true goldmine when it came to fairytales studies...
... But a few years ago came out the new series of books I want to talk to you about. A professional-edition series called “La Bibliothèque des Génies et des Fées”, The Library of Genies and Fairies.
The goal of this project was very clear: scholars and experts on fairytales gathered themselves with the intent of re-publishing, in modern days, Le Cabinet des Fées, but in a new, better form. Not only did they took back Le Cabinet in its original form, but they actually re-organized its content in a different series of twenty volumes, while also including additional tales not present in Le Cabinet. The explicit goal was to cover the actual entirety of the fairytales of the “golden era”, to have a full, truly “ultimate” corpus. For example, the Library includes new fairytales of the era that were rediscovered in modern days ; it also includes anonymous and/or manuscript fairytales that were never officially published until this day. It also brings back an entire subgenre of fairytales that were cut-off by Mayer himself, because he didn’t them included in his work (he didn’t deem them to be “actual” fairytales) - and this subgenre is the one of the “licentious fairytale”, mixing satirical, sardonic tales (or parody tales) with erotic fairytales. On top of all these new additions to form the “ultimate corpus”, each volume of the series also has introductons, annotations, appendix and analysis by experts of the various authors and time-periods touched upon by the collection. 
So, truly, this would be THE ultimate collection of French fairytales. 
And it might be... Though if you are an humble folk with a regular paycheck (or no paycheck at all, like me) you unfortunately should put this wonderful collection on the aside. Not only are they very big books, very tall, quite thick, quite heavy, but they are also quite costly. Between 100 and 130 dollars per book, roughly. Given there are twenty volumes... I’ll let you do the math. 
But... If I do not have the collection, I actually got a really nice little flyer which presents the full program and complete list of the collection. And I will be using this as a support for posts I intend to do later - because the new order of fairytales prepared by the Library of Genies is actually based on the history and chronology of the French fairytale during its “golden era”, with sub-divisions by type, time-period, sub-genre... So get ready to do some historical exploration later on. 
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talesofsonicasura · 2 years ago
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I figure why not expand more on Of Bug Cults and Living Stone and Operation: Magnify from this post here. (The X Readers involving RE Leon Scott Kennedy.) Want I put down is what I plan to write. These can be read platonic or romantic as I keep strictly romantic stuff as side stories.
Of Bug Cults and Living Stone
Reader is a beast like humanoid troll in appearance. Think of the kind from Guillermo Del Toro's Trollhunters specifically the cartoon. Reader is half El Gigante's size and bears carving like marks that glow if emotional or by will. Reader is OLD, specifically someone in their mid 20s when compared to human age standards. (Best depiction in appearance is this post here, not my art hence the link.)
Leon comes across their den just after beating Del Iago. Reader is quite hospitable and friendly around wanderers if not in a foul mood. They only attack when provoked or threatened. Reader uses a taxidermy bear puppet to scare off normal trespassers. Braver ones are given a warning not to cause trouble or else.
Their familiar pact with Leon is bound by two steps: binding name and blood sigil. A contractor grants their familiar a title to summon them by. Next step is offering a bit of each other's essence such as blood/bone/magic. Sigil placement differs between species but a Troll's sigil manifest on the summoner's back.
Reader gives the agent a temporary seal(incomplete) as they don't fully trust Leon enough to grant their full power. Thus the agent only gave his blood and familiar title 'Hunter' to the troll. He can summon Reader from anywhere but it's best not to summon them in cramp places.
A full contract grants some of their magic to Leon such as healing. What else follows stem from the item Reader offers to solidify the pact: a fragment of their Heartstone (their life force/soul in a sense.) Physical changes to the contractor might happen as the bond between summoner and familiar grows.
Their magic is what suppresses the Plagas growth inside Leon. Los Illuminados wants Reader dead as they are immune to the parasite and can potentially negate its power if the Queen Plagas falls into their possession. This had led to attacks, raids, attempts at starvation tactics alongside the final straw by stealing the Troll's precious treasure.
Shadow of death isn't looming on Luis but someone else in the group. Reader absolutely despises Ada as they hate people who play mind games. Constantly swears in Trollish when something goes wrong.
Operation: Magnify
Reader already knew about Leon's existence by eavesdropping on Chief Irons. This Umbrella project was kept hidden from other sections and only Irons had knowledge about it. Reader is the latest unwilling experiment to Operation Magnify because of the corrupt cop's obsession with them.
MAGS are programmed to follow a 'loyalty' protocol and given handlers to manage that. Who they serve, protect, or die for. No one has successfully gotten Reader under Umbrella's control as they kill every handler sent to leash them.
Raccoon City outbreak led to Operation Magnify section of NEST becoming compromised as well. A chaos Reader used to escape and seek out Leon from every detail they could overhear from the obsessive officer. Their salvation as the loyalty protocol only allows a handler to have full sway of their MAG ward, no one else unless given permission.
Reader is twice Leon's size, grew spiky spines, horns and a tail thanks to their Magnification. Experiment 112 or Destination: Diablo is their tag name, it stems from the demonic visage. Reader's speech is broken thanks to constant abuse and lack of proper social communication. They can talk barely enough to convince Leon about being a friendly.
Reader walks on all fours out of habit as their previous living arrangements was a tiny cramp cell. It takes time to walk on two legs and break the unhealthy nature when not in battle. Leon reassures Reader even before learning about the horrors they had to endure.
The rookie cop protects the MAG with all his might like he does for Sherry. Leon does his best to help Reader while survive whether in or outside the ruins of Raccoon City. Their government designation is 'Beauty and the Beast'.
And that's all I have for now! Until next time folks, continue to thrive in the wake of Raccoon City.
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higumei-guidebook · 2 years ago
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Higurashi Mei: Gacha Currency Overview
Since Higurashi Mei is a gacha game you are probably here to get pulling! This post is a quick compilation of all the ways you can collect Oni Stones and Gacha Tickets, which are the items you can exchange to pull new cards. I'll also briefly cover Fragments, another method of obtaining specific cards. (See the main Fragments post for more details).
Note: When creating your account, you'll get a free 10 Card pull. Some players like to re-roll; A process where you get your free pulls, transfer those cards to a new account and get more freebies, and repeat. I'll be adding a post on that soon, but for now you can find a video of the process here.
Here is a list of the various currencies you can exchange for cards.
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Oni Stones: Rainbow orbs. A pull of ten is generally 3,000 Stones, and a single pull is 300.
Paid Oni Stones: Functionally the same as Oni Stones, but obtained through the real money shop. They are listed seperately on the gacha page, with Paid to the left and Free to the right. Singular pulls are discounted to 120 Stones when using paid.
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Bronze Gacha Ticket: Can be exchanged for one pull.
Silver Gacha Ticket: Can be exchanged for 10 pulls.
Rainbow SSR Gacha Ticket: Exchanged for a pull of a guaranteed SSR card, the rarest/strongest variety.
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Fragments: "Pieces" of a specific card. When you obtain 100 Fragments of a certain card, you can recieve that card. Note: These are different from the RED Fragments you may see. (See the full "Fragments" section of the guide for clarification.)
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Gacha Points: Points accumulated through pulls that can then be exchanged for prizes, including Fragments of Cards.
Next, we'll look at all the ways to gather these items.
For the most part, I'll not be covering paid methods of gathering these, because that method is pretty self explanitory. However I will mention that every week there are special packs availible on the shop for ¥480 that give you some Oni Stones as well as other useful items. That's about $3.57USD, £2.87, or €2.39 at the time of writing this. The regular packs get a bit pricey, but these are a really good deal if you're in a pinch.
Gathering Oni Stones:
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💮Log In Bonus: You'll be given a present for logging in each day, which can be often be Oni Stones. There's even different checklists for different special events. Note: The "Day" resets at 5am Japan Time.
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💮Main Story Quests: Each story quest awards you 10 stones per achievement star, for a potential total of 30/quest if you get all three.
💮"Challenge" Missions: Each chapter has a second tab where you can find three bonus quests. These also have stars to gather. They also have the potential added bonus of awarding you Fragments of the card featured in the icon beside the quest.
💮Story Scenes: Every story scene concludes by awarding you 20 stones.
💮TIPS: Just like the visual novels, sometimes you'll unlock "TIPS" or bonus scenes after viewing a scene. You can view them in the Story tab for another 20 stones each.
💮Achievement Stars: Each chapter has 3 milestone goals for gathering stars on all the missions. You are awarded 10 stones for each milestone you reach, for another potential 30 per chapter.
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💮Daily Gathering Quests: Like main quests these also award you 10 stones per star. The quest sets in the daily tab change day to day, but the stars are a one time thing.
💮Special Event Quests: Same deal, 10 per star.
💮Takano Battle Tower: About once a month for around a week, the tab under quests featuring Takano becomes availible. These quests award huge amounts of Oni Stones (and also blank notes, very useful!!).
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💮Missions and Milestones: There is a list of "missions" to complete. Each award you with a different prize for completing them, some being Oni Stones! I recommend using a translator app like QooApp's "Servant" feature if you don't read enough japanese to understand what the missions are asking of you. (See the full page on the QooApp Translator for more details and help decoding the rough translations.)
Gathering Gacha Tickets
💮Log In Bonus Presents: Tickets are usually a login bonus or award for achievements.
💮Free Shop: There is a Silver Ticket for sale each month in the free shop. It costs Oni Stones to redeem.
💮Event Shop: Some special events allow you to exchange items for them in their event-specific shop.
Gathering Fragments
💮Challenge Missions: As pictured and mentioned above, each chapter of the story comes with three bonus missions. One of the potential drops for these missions will be a Fragment of the card shown.
💮Free Shop: Different types of coins and points can be exchanged in the free shop for Fragments, usually in sets of three. The Fragments availible may change when the shop updates. Note: Again, don't mistake the RED Fragments for the same thing as regular ones! (See the full "Fragments" section of the guide for clarification.)
Gathering Gacha Points
💮Each page of the Gacha is called a "Banner". Banners usually come in sets, each one in the set having the same general image or theme. For each set, you'll accumulate 1 point per card you pull. In the bottom left of the banner, you can tap the white button to redeem these-- The higher rewards are often large amounts of Fragments for a card on the banner! So if you spend a lot of stones trying for that one card, you can still end up earning it. Note: These points expire when the Banner event ends, so be sure to redeem them before the date above the white button!
General Tips for Gathering
💮Support Cards: As a beginner, the main story is your best friend. You can gather a lot of stones very quickly by running through the story, but you will eventually hit a wall where your party isn't strong enough to advance further. You might want to make use of Support Cards to help carry your team through! In a nutshell, you can borrow other player's Cards to help your team.
💮Healing Skills: Another way to advance the story when you've hit a skill wall is to make sure you have a healer (or multiple!) in your party. Look for a card that has a green capsule icon as one of their skills, and focus on leveling them and that skill up as much as you can. If you have a good enough healer, you can truck out difficult quests by chipping away, as long as you win before the time limit is up. Some cards also have healing Sub-Skills, so you can stack these effects for some really sturdy teams.
💮To make the most of your stones, definitely save up to do the larger x10 Card pulls. Event Banners will have present checklists, giving you a bonus each time you exchange for 10 cards. The first 10 are also usually 50% off, ten cards for 1,500 stones.
As always, additions and suggestions are very welcome! Share your tips for getting those pretty rares without breaking the bank. 🐳
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wordsmithic · 2 years ago
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Thank you very much! I don’t have an account, hope that’s okay. The fragment I am curious about seems to be known most commonly as Fragment 147. The most common translation seems to be “someone will remember us… I say… Even in another time.” Apparently, it was found on some sort of jug and all of the paper it was written on degraded save those three lines. (continued)
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If you have more questions perhaps it would help if you could make an account! It's easy to create and you can delete it at any time from your settings.
The fragment was found in the Oxyrhinchos archaeological site along with other papyri there. This is well documented and the papyri themselves are available to read online in high res. For example here, and here (last pages of the book)
It's quite possible the line is from Sappho, because the fragment found was a speech from Dio Chrysostom, and after he quotes that specific line he says "Sappho said accurately/well".
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I found the whole clear text here.
Some translations show "ἕτερον" and others "ὕστερον". My guess is that in the original papyrus only the "-ερον" part survived and people had to fill the rest themselves. The papyri are many and quite fragmented and my eye couldn't find the specific fragment to verify that the first letters of the word were missing.
Even in the "Sappho" papyri I didn't spot it. That doesn't mean that it doesn't exist, it just means that with a few mins of research, I didn't find it. It is somewhere out there, surely, that's why I gave you links in case you want to look it up. But there is no need to be that pedantic, in my opinion.
My personal favorite would be "ὕστερον" and not "ἕτερον" because it might be a nudge to how "ὕστερον" is used for the future in our language. But you choose whatever feels best to you.
As this post says,
“I’ve checked Perseus (Tufts University) and there it is the Corinthian Oration (20) with the Sappho quote still at section 47 right at the end: I’ve electronically copied it from there: μνάσεσθαί τινά φαμι καὶ ἕτερον ἀμμέων. The two accents on the first word are correct but you’ll notice that the penultimate word differs in the two versions I’ve mentioned: ὕστερον from Volger’s edition and ἕτερον as edited by Edmonds.”
I add here that Lobel-Page wrote it down as "ἄψερον". The meaning remains pretty much the same no matter which word you choose.
The common English translation is correct but too poetic, I think. The fragment simply says "I say that someone will remember us in the future". That's how I read it and that's how I found Greek translations here, here, here , and here.
(My Sappho poems are in another house and I live somewhere else for the time being so I can't directly open the book and find how it is there :// But I would still trust those links)
Of course the line is meant to be from a poem so in Greek it is poetic. The Anglophones tried to make the translation poetic as well and I don't fault them for that.
Hopefully I was able to help so far!
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trombone-minivan · 2 years ago
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1. I am the guy in my friend group who makes a point to read the mandatory literature works - with the exception of some of the collections of poems as I just couldn't be bothered. I also like to shitpost in my discord statuses.
4. I like the capybara for being chill with seemingly every animal but I wouldn't really like to have one as a pet/live with it. I'd really like to own a cat (or multiple) at some point though.
5. Has to be a type of dark green that one color picker website tells me is called "green pea". I'm usually a dark blue/navy type of guy but that green is nice.
6. I've had an idea to keep a model of like a commercial truck on my desk as a decoration, a box (that's why a commercial truck would work well, more space in the bed) and a toy if I feel like it - all at the same time. I just might buy one soon...
7. I can look at a car and immediately be able to tell the make and model. i guess. Perk of wasting thousands if not tens of thousands of hours consuming car content on social media <3.
10. That would be Wendell and Wild. You know how on desktop tumblr, there is always some kind of featured art on the right side of the screen? One day, I saw a fanart of Kat (main character of the film) and that prompted me to watch it. I liked it a lot, unique art style and characters, plus the score Slaps.
11. Lockwood & co. I have read the first 2 books - upon which the plot of season 1 is based on - years ago. More recently, I got my hands on the 3 remaining ones and I've, of course, re-read them again. I was ecstatic when my mom let me know that Netflix was making a show, I'm currently on episode 2 and it looks pretty good.
12. I've seen Wangan Midnight, Initial D (of course, I am a Car Enthusiast after all), One Punch Man, and I haven't quite finished Bocchi the Rock yet. I enjoyed all of them although a person who doesn't care about cars might not feel the same about the first 2 mentioned.
13. Music for me. I can't decide on one artist to recommend so I'll mention a few: Go_A, Charli XCX, The Amazing Devil and Girl K.
14. Watch YouTube videos :/. #1 habit I have to break.
15. One pillow plus a folded up blanket under it to raise it a little bit.
16. Honestly, I wouldn't say I have major problems with sleeping. I rarely remember my dreams and even when I do, I mostly only remember fragments of their "plot".
17. Hmm speaking of Lockwood & co., Lucy Carlyle. She is pretty cool I think.
18. Aliexpress came in clutch. I can assure you that the colors look better irl.⬇️
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19. Alright story time. In the racing videogame The Crew 2, I was once doing a certain challenge where I had to drive without hitting anything for 150 km (or maybe 180 km, can't remember). It was the last challenge I had to complete in order to obtain a special car. I was all set up with a good hypercar on a big oval track, and I was going at it. I had been kind of salty already for hitting a wall and sending 77 km of progress down the drain earlier. I also just so happened to have The Suicide Squad soundtrack on shuffle. The song So This Is The Famous Suicide squad came on. Pretty much exactly at the drop 28 seconds in, I get a notification that I had completed the challenge. Shortly afterwards, I get a notification that I did in fact get the aforementioned special car. It was an extremely cool moment to me, and the song is still my ringtone several years on.
20. It's been good so far, nothing crazy happened at school.
21. <3
not a dream
Hey everyone, I've thought about some cute questions for you to answer so here they go, leave the answers in the replies or reblogs and tag people who you want to answer said questions as well. You don't have to answer all of the questions, no pressure, answer the ones you like if that's easier for you!
What's one thing that your friends say that applies to you? Like a quirk or something they know you for? Something they associate with you always?
Who inspires you in your life? I don't mean a celebrity, but a person you know, brag about someone incredible that is your inspiration.
Who do you consider to be your favorite person and why?
What's your favorite kind of animal? If you lived with said animal, what would you name them? If you have said animal, what is their name?
What color is your most recent obsession?
What's a little decor item that you want to own in the future?
Do you have any mundane but cute "talent"/thing you can do? Something just slightly unusual but also completely usual?
Do you like fashion? What kind of a dresser are you? More casual? Fancy?
Do you wear makeup? What's your go-to makeup look? If you don't wear makeup, have you ever thought of wearing it?
Recommend us one movie that the critics/public didn't like that much when it came out but you personally think is a hidden gem!
What show are you watching right now? Recommend it to us!
Have you ever watched an anime? If yes, which one?
What's your favorite kind of art medium? Recommend us an artist or show us an art piece (could be music, painting, crochet, whatever) that you really love!
What do you like to do when you are bored?
How many pillows do you sleep with, if any?
Do you have trouble with sleeping? Do you remember your dreams a lot or forget them as soon as you wake up?
Who is one cool character in something you've seen in your life that you hyperfocused on at a time in your life.
Show us your current phone case!
Recommend people a song that has meant a lot to you sometime in your life and share us the story about if you'd like.
How has your day been so far?
UwU - I love you!
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littleharpethcrossfit · 2 years ago
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Thursday,   6  April,   2023....... Warmup.......Power Cleans..... DB  Snatch’s  &  Aerobics.
An all night rain ushered in a cold front, so by 4 PM workout time it was not raining but cold.  Smoothie wore out 2 batteries blowing rain puddles and tree seeds off all our workout areas.
Warmup:
5  Rounds
10  PVC Shoulder Dislocates
10  PVC  Overhead Squats
Strength
Power Cleans:        5 / 4 / 3 / 2 / 2 / 2
Touch & Go
The Last 3 Sets The Same Weight.
Chase=205     Armando=185     Robert=180     Ed=175     Timmy=165     Smoothie=150     Herb=145      Tom=115     Joe=85     Shannon=65     Kayla=55     Linda/Alicia/Coach and others failed to post. 
Metabolic Conditioner
10  Minute AMRAP
Dumb-Bell Weight Your Choice
Score:  Listed by DB Weight, Rounds & Reps.
Use of ERGs will be competitive.
Drop DB’s above waist level and be dis-qualified. 
15 / 12  Calories Any ERG
4 / 4  Dumb-Bell Snatch’s
15 / 12  Calories Any ERG
8 / 8  Dumb-Bell Snatch’s
15 / 12  Calories Any ERG
12 / 12  Dumb-Bell Snatch’s
15 / 12 Calories Any ERG
16 / 16  Dumb-Bell Snatch’s
15 / 12  Calories Any ERG
20  / 20  Dumb-Bell Snatch’s
15 / 12  Calories Any ERG
24 / 24  Dumb-Bell Snatch’s
Notes:
As noted in  #2   SCORE:  Listed by DB weight, Rounds and Reps,  nearly everyone in attendance had posted scores in this format, but a couple of guys (actually one guy) realized that if they re-arranged numbers and did some inventive addition and multiplication, then they (he) plotted bell curves with standard deviations so someone with initials R.B. (SURPRISE) would come out on top.  Confusedly, there were references to a Golden Ratio and reciprocal Fibonacci constants and other biological settings having more to do with spirals inherent to pineapple sprouts and artichoke flowers.  I suspected that the only person capable of such higher mathematical comprehension was a Nuclear Engineer.  Therefore the only believable score was Armando’s:  6,075 (50 lbs X 120 reps) + 75 calories.  Congratulations Armando.  All other scores were discarded.  
The following wine tasting was conducted indoors due to cold breezes.  There were 5 1/2 reds and 1 1/2 whites, and beer.  Celebrating Pass-Over, there was an abundance of immoral gentile dishes and some other morally approved  stuff I don’t even know the name of.  Miss Alicia brought some home-canned hot pickled okra, but I was disappointed not to find a red Peter Pepper in it.  Smoothie went to Publix and brought samples of every fruit currently in season.  Miss Linda sliced and bowled them so everyone could eat with their fingers like true 3rd World-er’s.  She also had a few pizza’s delivered, some catering to those who could only eat unleavened bread and veggie meat-less and cheese-less pizza in the event they would have to swim the Red Sea tonight.  Smoothie also brought a couple dozen cupcakes which nobody ate, so he proved they were delicious by eating 12 of them.  I shoulda brought out more wine. 
On the other end of the room I overheard fragments of conversation relating to what religion Jesus was and was he still that same religion, all of which I felt was unresolvable either way.  A Jehovah Witness guy showed me absolute proof there was only going to be 144,000 people going to heaven.  Look it up if you don’t believe it.  All I surely know is that iron and wood was (and still is) in very short supply in the Levant and they wouldn’t have wasted any of it performing capital punishment on a couple of thieves and a convicted heretic.  Furthermore, old Leonardo’s Last Supper was 1500 years late and it’s his fault it shows 13 long-haired hippies eating and drinking at a table, when everybody knows back then that they had short buzz haircuts and ate sitting on the floor with only 1 shared bowl, dipping their fingers of their right hands.  (Miss Linda never reads this blog). 
Saturday at 0730 and 0930.
0 notes
montyterrible · 2 years ago
Text
I just found out today that there's a "sensitive content warning" on my first (full) post on the main blog, about Harmony Korine's The Beach Bum (2019). I'm not entirely sure why, since there's nothing too graphic in there--just discussion of the film which contains some brief NSFW subject matter. Seeing as it's at the forefront of my thoughts right now, however, this seems like a good time to revisit/reflect on that piece a little since it's kind of a life milestone for me.
I had drifted away from blogging and from writing in general for a while, but a combination of watching that movie (about a writer) and finding out I'd lost access to my old blog from my early 20s got me back into it again when I couldn't just go back and re-read some of those old pieces on a whim like I wanted.
This was also relatively early in the COVID-19 pandemic back in the summer of 2020, so I was feeling a bit isolated, weird, and desperate, and that feeling also led me back to blogging. Consequently, some of the early pieces I wrote are now an interesting time capsule of my thoughts and feelings at the time. I had thought at one point to keep something like a journal so that I would accurately remember what I was actually seeing, hearing, and thinking as that period of time inevitably becomes just another matter of historical record, but even though I failed with the journal, I will always have "A Portrait of the Artist as an Optimist"!
Here's a favorite paragraph or so (containing spoilers for the movie):
"So what’s the point of all this, then? I suppose on a purely surface level, it’s about the comedy and maybe (if we dip just below the surface) about putting the audience in Moondog’s headspace. The movie makes frequent use of montage and often drifts hazily from setting to setting. Even straightforward conversations are not handled in a straightforward manner. They’re often made part of the previously mentioned montages, creating a sense of fragmentation in the storytelling that, when coupled with the equally hazy literal imagery of smoky, neon-lit nights, creates just the sort of drifting high on the screen that Moondog is experiencing himself almost constantly. As I said, it’s essentially a character study, and to that end, even the incidental visual language of the film tries to put the audience in the protagonist’s shoes.
. . . .
"Another perspective: Perhaps The Beach Bum is a subversion of the rampant pessimism in film. It frustrates us, the audience, because it refuses to do the predictable thing, and the predictable thing in question is almost always something negative. Why, after all, does the discovery of infidelity need to be a massive conflict that might lead to revenge? Why do a father and daughter need to have a rift if they fall out over something? I suppose that those who really, strongly dislike the film might say that the problem isn’t the optimism exactly but the eerie excess of it: The way that simply everyone loves Moondog and how the stars align for him is unearthly.
. . . .
"When asked late in the proceedings about the source of his success, Moondog floats a number of flowery, poetic answers before ultimately settling on the simple truth (to him) that he likes to have fun and live life in the moment.
"One particular line from this exchange that really stuck out to me, though, is this one: 'I’m a reverse paranoiac. I’m quite certain the world is conspiring to make me happy.'
"I felt that these words really captured the spirit of the story and its whole defiance of expectations. It simply takes the traditional trajectory of a lot of films (which, with their carefully-crafted plots containing tragedy after tragedy, would certainly seem to be confirmation of the suspicions of a pessimistic paranoiac that the world is deeply fucked up) and then spins them in the opposite direction, arguing instead that the world could alternatively offer only beautiful accidents."
That last line in particular is one I love to come back to. It feels a little *suggestive hand motion*-like to say, but there's something really affirming about writing, like I guess I suspect there is in other art forms as well, where you can look back at something like your best self from the present-tense perspective in the future where you might not feel so hot. When I re-read things like "arguing instead that the world could alternatively offer only beautiful accidents," I feel like maybe I do sort of know what I'm doing after all, sometimes.
0 notes
bfwonu · 2 years ago
Note
"i'm going to ruin you." + jeonghan :D
pairing: jeonghan x afab!reader wc: a lil over 1k tags: this is smut - minors DNI. dom!jeonghan, brat!reader, reader has a vagina, some pussy slapping, masturbation (f), poor attempts at dirty talk, descriptions of sexting (f -> m)
a/n: huge thank you reia (@maijunejuly) and ae (@mangogyu) for helping me proofread !! <3
hannie just got out, i’ll be over in 20  i want you on the bed in the pink set when i get there.
both your heart and stomach do somersaults as you re-read your boyfriend’s texts, giddily heading to your bedroom to get ready for his arrival.
jeonghan left early for work today. and, despite your insistence that you would gladly wake up early with him on your days off so you could at least see him before he left (even if it meant your eyes are barely open and you only remember fragments of the kisses and see you laters), he still lets you sleep in every time.
(jeonghan’s logic is that he’ll have plenty of time to spend with you when he gets home, and to him that was more than worth the wait. he likes how peaceful you look in the morning, cheek squished against your pillow and a halo of hair framing your head. he likes the way your lashes flutter ever-so-slightly when he presses a kiss to your cheek, the subconscious smile that graces your lips when he pulls away. the fluttering fondness that lingers in his stomach is just enough to tide him over until he’s able to see you again.)
what jeonghan failed to consider, however, is that you woke up extra needy this morning, and he wasn’t there to do anything about it. which is why you decided to menace him a bit and send him photographic evidence of your desire throughout the day; selfies of your pert nipples covered only by a tight top, pictures of the wet patch on your cotton panties, provocative captions about missing him attached to each. jeonghan replied to none of them for fear of starting something in his office bathroom that he wouldn’t be able to finish, but rest assured he drove home irritated and reluctantly hard at your actions.
you’ve been quite the brat today, there’s no point in denying it. the only thing you managed to not do was touch yourself…until now, that is. 
in your excited haste to get ready, you left yourself with a solid thirteen minutes before your lover got home. you truly did try to be patient, legs folded and hands smoothing over the covers mindlessly. but after a few minutes the anticipation started to eat you alive, heat rushing to your core just thinking about what might happen once jeonghan returns. you figured you could rub a quick one out without him noticing (and boy, were you so, so wrong).
feather-light touches over your merely covered breasts travel further and further down until you’re rutting your clothed cunt into your own hand, fingers teasing your entrance over your thong. you then slip them under the fabric and into your hole with ease, already wet with anticipation, and you groan when the heel of your palm grinds deliciously against your clit. the pressure of your fingers is dull compared to jeonghan’s, but your imagination fills in the blanks and you find yourself approaching your high much sooner than you expected.
lost in your own arousal, you don’t hear the front door of your apartment click open and shut, nor do you hear footsteps approaching the open door to your bedroom. it’s not until he loudly clears his throat do your eyes snap open, fingers halting mid-thrust as you spot him leaning against the doorframe. oh, you are so screwed.
“go on,” jeonghan slowly makes his way to the side of your bed, arms crossed. “don’t let me stop you.” his eyebrows raise expectantly, but you know he doesn’t mean it. you’ve already done more than enough damage. 
“i’m sorry,” you pout, removing your fingers from your pussy and biting your lip at the lewd pop. “i just- i missed you so much…”
jeonghan tilts his head tauntingly. “oh, so you thought it would be okay to tease me like that all day? do you know how hard it was to focus in my meetings?” he seethes, “i even chewed out one of my interns because i was so wound up.” a sliver of guilt bubbles in your chest, hoping you didn’t add too much stress to your boyfriend’s day. your worry is put at ease, though, when you spot the tent in his pants. your gaze flickers back up to meet his, a mischievous glint in your eye, and you don’t miss the way the corner of his mouth quirks up when you do so. you know he loves it just as much as you do– almost as much as he loves you.
“and now here you are, touching yourself without permission,” jeonghan purrs, before letting out a scoff. “couldn’t even wait another 20 minutes ‘til i got home.”
another meek apology is all you can muster, feeling yourself getting wetter by the second with your legs still spread and bottom lip caught between your teeth. jeonghan kneels on the bed in front of you, thumb pressing a painfully slow line up your clothed pussy. you let out a whimper at the minimal relief it gives you.
“guess i’ll just have to punish you then, hm?” 
you whine his name in defiance, hips bucking up into his hand in search for more friction. the whining probably isn’t helping your situation, but if you don’t cum soon you think you might cry. 
as much as he wants to indulge in you— because he’s finding it nearly impossible to appear unaffected by your desperation— jeonghan is feeling a little mean today, delivering a slap to your aching clit over your panties instead. you gasp, jaw going slack when the sting morphs into pleasure almost immediately after.
“so needy, even after being a brat today,” he chides, but the fire in his eyes falters momentarily in a silent question: was that okay? 
your boyfriend smirks at how quickly you nod your head– you liked it much more than either of you expected. you feel even more arousal seep out of your cunt as he does it again, a little harder this time, and you let out another whine. getting him riled up at work was so worth it.
“oh, angel,” jeonghan chuckles darkly, “i’m going to ruin you.”
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thefirstknife · 3 years ago
Text
The Fall of a Pyramid Ship
Besties, I have a thought. Many of them actually.
I recently went on a long tangent about how there is a possibility that some time during Season of the Lost a Pyramid will appear in the Dreaming City and we will be bringing it down. That Pyramid will then end up in Savathun's throne world which is where we will be going into it for the Witch Queen Raid. Post with the details here.
The rest under the cut because it's long:
The original post was mostly spurred someone asking about Sjur's dream from the lore on Sleepless. The relevant parts:
"I was dreaming," Sjur says, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand. "I saw you on a great black triangle. You split it in two with your bare hands."
"Mm."
"And I was dead, I think." She cracks her neck with a deliciously loud pop. "Or… trapped? Like in a maze. But pretty close to figuring my way out."
"Mhm."
Sjur stands up to stretch. She does not mind that Mara is not listening. Let her read. "And there was another woman with you."
"On the triangle," Mara murmurs.
"Mm. Yeah. She was helping. Then your brother showed up, and…" She shakes out her arms, frowning thoughtfully. The dream is already fading. "He said, 'Tropaea.' Or maybe it was, uh, 'Tropical.' Anyway."
I bolded the most relevant sentences. The original post really wasn't about the whole Pyramid business, but I had to add my thoughts now that we know more than we did back when this lore was released. Not only the stuff I mentioned in the post, but also now we know that Savathun is (allegedly) trying to help us defeat the Black Fleet and the same was said about the reason why Mara wants her Techeuns back.
And I was just re-reading lore, as I do, and I remembered something. The lore book Stolen Intelligence details some of the records made by Ikora's Hidden and other Vanguard agents. Specifically, the page Fragment is what caught my attention. In it, an agent FEN-092 (most likely the one, the only, the man, the legend: Fenchurch Everis) reports a strange incident on the Moon:
2. Around 1900 hours yesterday afternoon, I began to experience a crushing headache and excused myself from patrol to recuperate. Though I originally intended to lay down for a nap, I fell asleep instead, and experienced multiple vivid dreams over the next 11.5 hours. In all of these dreams, I was trying to catch up with agent ERI-223 in a crowd. She was always out of reach, whether by 200 m or 20 m. I had the sense that I needed to speak to her.
3. When I woke, I found that my headache had not improved. I prepared my armor and exited my bivouac to find a single stationary Thrall crouched nearby. It stood as I approached, but made no motion to attack me. I fired one shot, killing it immediately. Upon stepping forward to examine its corpse, I saw a solid black fragment of an unknown material embedded in its chest cavity. The fragment resembled a flake or a shard of some larger object, not dissimilar to a high-gain photovoltaic panel.
ERI-223 is Eris Morn. The fragment was peculiar at the time this was released (Forsaken), but now post-Shadowkeep and post-Beyond Light, we can definitely identify this artifact as a piece of the Pyramid. Fenchurch's Ghost also reports:
5. I requested that my Ghost attempt to contain and transmat the fragment for quarantine on my jumpship. He was unable to establish a Light link with the object, describing the fragment as "slippery" and "tiring" to try to catch hold of.
To me, it is most likely that this is literally a shard of the Pyramid, like those little pieces you can see on Europa when a Pyramid scale ripples. But more important is what follows:
8. At this point, I broke protocol and did not request additional backup. Instead, I picked up the fragment by hand and immediately experienced a vivid hallucination: I stood over VIP #0704's shoulder as she dressed a seven-inch gash on agent ERI-223's thigh. Both #0704 and ERI-223 were dressed for combat. Hundreds of fragments of the unknown material hung in the air around us, apparent shrapnel from the wreckage of a nearby ship of unrecognizable make and model. ERI-223 looked directly toward me and said, "Патетическая."
Obviously none of this made any sort of reasonable sense at the time. But now?
"Hundreds of fragments of the unknown material hung in the air around us, apparent shrapnel from the wreckage of a nearby ship of unrecognizable make and model" is a pretty clear hint at what we now know is a Pyramid ship. Specifically, a wreckage of one.
As we've established, ERI-223 is Eris Morn. Who is VIP #0704? As of now, it is undecided. I've done a bit of a search and most of the guesses are 2 years old and they usually settled on it being Eriana-3 OR Mara Sov. I think it's pretty obvious that it's Mara, if we pair it with the Sleepless lore tab.
But there's another link. The lore book The Dreaming City has a page called Letters. This lore book in general is kinda all over the place and details some lore that doesn't really have a place elsewhere, but it generally revolves around the Awoken and characters adjacent to them. There is a lot about Mara, including information about how Eleusinia and the Oracle Engine were created, as well as her relationship with Riven.
Anyway, in Letters, we see several letters written by Eris to various people, but never delivered. We kinda have to assume a lot here because nothing is explicitly named, but we can for sure say that these letters were written by Eris. To whom? It's up to debate. Some of these seem to be for Mara, one is most certainly for Asher and one is most likely for Ikora. The one I want to focus on is one I can't decide where to place but it features a word we've seen before:
Undelivered, burnt.
Патетическая. The swelling of strong sentiment in your chest even as you mourn the world that is and was and will be. I did not go to Mars. I will not go to the Dreaming City. There is only the plan.
"Патетическая" is Russian and it means "pathetic." I'm thoroughly lost on why this is repeated twice as coming from Eris in two different instances. Truth to Power claims that Eris was born during the Golden Age in Russia, but Stolen Intelligence disproves this. Hm.
Either way, there are several things that seem to fit together in all of this:
1. Destruction of the Pyramid ship (Sleepless, Fragment) 2. Eris and Mara involved with some sort of an ongoing plan (Sleepless, Fragment, Letters) 3. A battle that involves a Pyramid, Eris (who ends up wounded), Mara and Crow (Sleepless, Fragment) 4. Eris saying the same peculiar word seemingly completely out of context (Fragment, Letters)
I want to point out something about the Letters entry. It's not chronological. As in, the entries in that lore page aren't all from the past or current plot from when the lore book was released. Observe the final part of Letters (which released in Forsaken):
Delivered.
I have been inside. I have nothing but beautiful and violent words for my report. I will meet you at your throne.
Lore book Letters from Eris, from Shadowkeep, page Regarding the Pyramid:
[DELIVERED, RECONSTRUCTED.]
It's coming, my Queen.
It's coming for US.
We have been manipulated. We are right where it wants us. The Darkness orchestrated its plan magnificently; the Nightmares were so impeccably calculated to draw us in, make us vulnerable, and leave us exposed.
The Darkness plans to use us. We are to do its bidding. I don't know how to stop it.
I detect no fear on the part of our nemesis. We aren't even a concern. We pose no threat.
The Darkness needs a reason to fear our Light, and I intend to provide it.
I have been inside. I have nothing but beautiful and violent words for my report. I will meet you at your throne.
This makes the entire Letters lore page entirely up for debate.
I believe these entries are connected and that both Fenchurch's hallucination after touching a piece of the Pyramid and Sjur's dream are telling us about the same future event that involves Eris, Mara and a destruction of a Pyramid ship. And I absolutely believe that we will see this at the end of the season, considering there's a downed Pyramid ship in Savathun's throne world. Other connecting details are very confusing for now and may have something to do with Savathun's involvement. After all, she also claims to be interested in fighting back the Black Fleet and ends up in possession of the Pyramid.
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jamespotterthefirst · 4 years ago
Text
Heartbreak
Open Heart, Book 1, Chapter 10 (Part 2)
Retold through social media posts and messages
All posts here
Posted Saturday 
10:53 PM
23 minutes before 
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Received Saturday
10:56 PM
20 minutes before
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Posted Saturday
10:57 PM
19 minutes before
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Received Saturday
10:59 PM
17 minutes before
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Received Saturday
11:15 PM
1 minute before
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Received Saturday
11:18 PM
2 minutes after
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from: Sienna Trinh
to: Lilac Allende
Transcript of voicemail:
Hey you! Sorry I called you late! I was baking my world famous German chocolate brownies and lost track of time. You know how I get. You weren't answering so I'm guessing you fell asleep. I'll talk to you later, okay? I can't wait to hear all about this trip! 
______________________________ 
Received Saturday
11:31 PM
15 minutes after
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Hi Carrie, 
Are you ready to murder me yet? Given my lack of response in the last few days and the frequency of your emails, I would imagine you are. 
I'm alive. 
And in Miami, seeking inspiration in the turquoise sea and in the overpriced bottles of red wine this hotel insists on passing off as top shelf. Probably not something I should be admitting to my agent but here we are. 
The manuscript is going well. Actually, I should say the manuscript was going well… Until I decided to scrap it and steer it in a completely different direction. Before you stop reading here to pass out or call me twenty five times, please hear me out. 
Untitled_Mystery_Doc will still be a mystery at its core, except now the two leads will surrender to a forbidden romance. Detective Prescott must fall fiercely and hopelessly in love with Selene Obispo. It was something the writing was demanding of me all along, but I lacked the inspiration to bring their tension to fruition. That changed thanks to the Celestial's lavish oceanside balcony view. 
Earlier tonight, I was leaning over the railing of my balcony, glass of that aforementioned wine in my hand, watching the last remains of a reception of some sort in the distance. A delighted, lilting laugh from a nearby balcony broke my concentration. It was from a young woman who looked to be no older than you are. Even from a distance, I could tell she was a vivacious creature, radiating the type of effortless beauty that would have even the strongest of beings hanging by her every word. In an inky blue dress, she looked so captivating, it was no wonder the man at her side could hardly keep his eyes away from her. 
This man, Carrie. 
He was, without a doubt, the handsomest specimen I have ever seen. A true Romantic hero come to life from the pages of every classic novel in the catalog. Tall with piercing eyes and a jaw so sharp, it could slice through even the strongest of convictions. He possessed the type of good looks that were striking, like the powerful fissure of lighting. 
The pair seemed to alternate between conversation and companionable silence as they enjoyed a drink. Every so often, when he was certain she wasn't looking, he would glance at her almost desperately, as though rushing to take in as much of her before the precious seconds ran out. He was not aware that in those moments when he contemplated the vast ocean before them, she would do the same. 
After another lull in their conversation, the young woman looked at her phone, a pensive crease on her brow as she searched for something. Seconds later, the notes of a song began to drift from the speaker of her device. The man scoffed, inspiring more cheerful laughter from her. Despite his annoyed front, his expression softened as he watched her. 
More silence and then they started what sounded like a solemn conversation. As they spoke, he looked conflicted, his fingers gripping his glass as though reason and restrain were slowly ebbing away. 
Fragments of what they were saying reached me.
“…higher I aspire, the more I stand to lose.”
“I...certainly understand that.”
He stood then, with the conviction of someone seeking to run away from the ineluctable. 
When he stopped at the railing of their balcony, however, he turned to her, shoulders deflating as though realizing he didn't want to run anymore. Finding her there at his side was confirmation that she was an inevitability, a constant in his existence like his binary star. 
It was confirmation that she was done running too. 
He was saying something then, the words coming out in a desperate rush. She didn't seem to mind though, patiently listening and offering reassurance. 
“... Your risk paid off.”
Those words seemed to be the denouement of their time together because his gaze took her in with undeniable clarity. 
“It did...and I’m beginning to realize…” 
The way he looked at her then, with over-spilling yearning, would have inspired poets throughout the ages. Even if I had a hundred years to write, I could never capture the utterly lovelorn way in which he regarded her.  
“There are some things that are worth any risk.”
And then he kissed her. Their bodies gravitated closer to one another, reveling in the novelty of having her in his arms at long last. And even though this kiss erupted with the euphoric urgency of the first time, there was familiarity in the way he caressed her, in the way she stroked his jaw. As though they had spent long, agonizing moments before this memorizing one another. 
All of this was painted clearly before me in the seconds before I stepped away. 
I could not justify stealing any more of this moment from them. Particularly when the desperation in their movements acknowledged the race against the clock. They both knew that this stolen moment would eventually conclude. 
I am inspired, Carrie. 
Even from afar, I could tell these two yearned for each other. Their kiss was the inevitable culmination of forbidden longing, beautiful yet heartbreaking all at once. 
It's exactly what was missing from my manuscript. 
Let me know your thoughts. 
How's Gigi? Did you like the groomer I recommend? 
Sincerely, 
Andrea  
______________________________ 
Received Saturday
11:32 PM
16 minutes after
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To Whom It May Concern;
My name is Lisa Burkett in room 4087. This evening, my husband and I witnessed a couple in a nearby room making out. They were extremely loud and explicit. The woman even climbed on top of the man at some point. 
This is appalling since we're here with our children. Luckily they didn't see this happening. 
Please put me in contact with a manager. This is unacceptable for a resort that advertises being family friendly. 
Attached you will a picture of the incident. That's how exposed and close to us they were. 
Sincerely,
Lisa Burkett
Attachment: 
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Received Saturday
11:39 PM
23 minutes after
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Sent Saturday
11:41 PM
25 minutes after
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Searched for on Saturday
Googled by Ethan Ramsey
11:56 PM
40 minutes after
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Searched for on Sunday
Googled by Lilac Allende
12:03 AM
47 minutes after
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Searched for on Sunday
Googled by Lilac Allende
12:06 AM
50 minutes after
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Listened to on Sunday
Audible library accessed by Ethan Ramsey
12:46 AM
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Searched on Sunday
Googled by Ethan Ramsey
1:03 AM
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From “Student Doctor Network” accessed at 1:11 am
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Received on Sunday
Sibling group chat titled “Y’all look familiar”
Members: Laurel Allende, Lilac Allende, Jaime Allende
1:36 AM
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Received on Sunday
from: Naveen Banerji
to: Ethan Ramsey
1:59 AM
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Posted on Sunday
2:17 AM
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The Celestial Incident Report 
Camera footage transcript 
Hall 4000
Written by: Anthony Romero
Re: Guest Complaint 
Guest, Dr. Ethan Ramsey, exits his suite, careful to shut the door as noiselessly as possible. 
This man has seen better days. 
His hair is disheveled and stubble mars the jawline that wreaked havoc among The Celestial's guests and staff alike. The doctor looks downright exhausted, as though he hasn't slept a wink all night. Full disclosure, I'm a measly hotel employee, writing an incident report no one will ever read so I don't know how to put this delicately. But here goes nothing: the man looks as though his lack of sleep is not from the reckless fun Mrs. Burkett complained about but rather the lack of it. 
Dr. Ramsey hesitates mid-stride, looking at the door as though it poses a mystifying dilemma. Jaw working, he seems to decide something, jolting forward to take hold of the doorknob.
Reason seems to catch up to him because he exhales noticeably and releases the doorknob as though it scorched his skin. Looking angry but determined, he strides down the hall toward the elevator. 
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Accessed via Ethan Ramsey’s camera roll
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Failed Login on Sunday
Nurses’ Station desktop | Third Floor 
7:53 AM
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from: Bryce Lahela
to: Brittany Ryan
8:01 AM
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Searched on Sunday
Googled by Sienna Trinh
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from: Sienna Trinh
to: Wayne Bradley Torning
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9:32 AM 
The Celestial Incident Report
Camera footage transcript
Hall 4000
Written by: Anthony Romero
Re: Guest Complaint
Guest, Dr. Ethan Ramsey, dressed in pool attire, grapples with the key card to his room, the technology somehow perplexing to a man who went to med school. The struggle is short lived because the door swings open from the inside, revealing the second guest on file, Dr. Lilac Allende. 
Again, no one reads these anyway so I can confidently say that if I wasn't a goddamn professional, I would've promptly slid into her DMs. She would've rejected me, of course, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, am I right? 
Dr. Ramsey freezes as his eyes land on her, the muscles of his back tensing. Dr. Allende instinctively does the same, eyes going wide, much like a defenseless bunny facing the snarling snout of a wolf. They stay motionless in stunned silence for so long, I had to check the footage to make sure it hadn't frozen. 
After what seems like an eternity, Dr. Ramsey clears his throat and averts his eyes, as though interested in the carpet's God awful pattern. This reaction is definitely the wrong one because Dr. Allende pulls herself to her full height, eyes alight with fire. 
Goddamn. My bunny analogy was way off because this girl looks anything but defenseless when she is this pissed. 
“I came back to change,” he explains, probably feeling her glare burning into his face. 
“We need ice,” she says at the same time, lifting the empty ice bucket she holds.
They definitely don't need any. The ice in her voice and demeanor is enough to stock the poolside bar during spring break. 
Dr. Ramsey looks at her then and when their eyes meet, an unspoken conversation passes between them. Slowly, her resolute anger begins to melt. Unmistakable hurt flits through her features and this time, she's the one to look away. 
What the hell happened with these two? 
Before Dr. Ramsey says anything, she moves around him and strides down the hall with unstoppable determination. He moves to follow her, but with considerable effort he forces himself to stop, watching her disappear instead. 
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10:22 AM
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Edenbrook Hospital on Yelp
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1:23 PM
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Full transcript of review:
This review is regarding the "care" I received from one Dr. Lilac Allende. Is it normal to almost die at the hands of your doctor? I didn't think so either. Yet here we are. I went in because I had a horrible chest pain that got worse with each day. They assigned Dr. Allende, an intern, to me which was already kind of subpar but it's reduced cost medical care right? I should have trusted my gut because she diagnosed pneumonia and prescribed macrolide antibiotics azithromycin…. which I am allergic to!!! Don't they have charts for this reason? 
Or maybe she can't read English given the language barrier. Do they need to start printing patient charts in whatever foreign language she speaks to avoid death? 
I don't need to give you the gory details of what happened next, right ? 
Anaphylactic Shock. Code blue. Defibrillator. I found out I wasn't the first patient this happened to under her care. There was an almost identical incident on her first day. When I tried to complain to management, they brushed it aside. Word around the hospital is that her boss favorites her. Figures. 
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1:49 PM
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Drafted on Sunday
status: NOT SENT
1:59 PM
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3:23 PM
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4:03 PM
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4:13 PM
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Sent on Sunday
5:26 PM
from Sienna Trinh
to Wayne Bradley Torning
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Sent on Sunday
5:41 PM
from: Sienna Trinh
to: Danny Cardinal 
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The Celestial Incident Report 
Camera footage transcript 
Hall 4000
Written by: Anthony Romero
Re: Guest Complaint 
Guest, Dr. Ethan Ramsey looks like a tortured man as he paces in front of their door. He runs restless hands through his hair, completely unaware of the effect this has on the majority of the staff reviewing this footage. He pauses in front of the door, pinching the bridge of his nose and raising his gaze upward, as though sending a silent prayer to anyone listening. 
Jesus, Buddha, Beyoncé—whoever is up there, help this poor man out. 
The door opens, causing him to flinch slightly. In the threshold stands Dr. Allende, wearing one of the hotel's fluffy, white robes. Though she is fully covered, save for her legs, Dr. Ramsey still blushes, as though aware of what lies beneath the fabric. 
Dr. Allende, meanwhile, crosses her arms, leaning against the doorway as she studies him. This time, when their eyes scan one another, it's not with the frustration or resentment from the morning. 
“Come inside.”
Her voice is quiet. 
Dr. Ramsey's jaw clenches. 
“Lilac—” 
“We can't.” Acceptance ripples through her voice. “I know.”
Dr. Ramsey looks at her with an acute mixture of misery and longing. 
“We can't ignore each other forever though.”
“I know. That's not what I want either.”
She nods once in response. 
More silence.
“You're not angry anymore?” 
The question is unexpected because her gaze snaps up to his. 
“I wasn't angry at you, Ethan,” she says after a pensive pause. “I was angry at myself for refusing to let go of what happened. I just want to put it behind me without a backward glance, like you did.”
Those last three words get a reaction out of him. His jaw clenches and strains with effort, his shoulders looking equally as tense. He looks away from her, perhaps afraid that if he continues to look into her beautiful, earnest face, he will contradict her. 
The way he had been pacing in front of her door only minutes prior, the way he looked at her this morning, the way his hand gripped the door knob the night before—all of it suggested her assessment as wrong. He was just as trapped in the previous night as she was. 
“Lilac, I'm sorry about last night.”
She looks stunned for a brief second. When she recovers, she shakes her head in a tiny movement.
 “I'm not.”
He takes in a long breath, allowing hope to filter through his expression. 
“Now, come on. We have an early flight and my boss is making me go into work right after we land.”
“Sounds like an asshole.”
“The worst,” she agrees with a hum. 
His quiet chuckle and the way he shakes his head is the last thing the camera captures before he follows her inside. 
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8:34 PM
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A/N: I really hope you liked this because I poured my whole heart and two brain cells into it! Did you find my little Easter egg?
A few things:
I was going to include the song playing on MC’s phone in the balcony but decided that everyone has a different one. And I love that. Mine is Nirvana by Sam Smith. What’s yours?
That Yelp ordeal happened in real life at my old job. It was the shadiest shit I have ever seen. Even the meanest bitch at work was so shocked that someone would be this much of a snake. Someone printed the “review” about a coworker and posted it everywhere for everyone to see like Regina George. It was awful.
 People also wrote computer passwords everywhere and just left them lying around. These computers had highly confidential info but people didn’t give a single fuck.
 I picture Ethan picking up the Hamilton book because MC is obsessed with the musical. Plus, he’s a history nerd. But listening to it reminds him of her when he’s trying his damndest to forget about her. LOL good luck bro 
I really debated having MC text him a risky picture after the kiss. But then I figured a) this is self-indulgent and b) once he kissed her, all reason and all restraints went out the window.
 Thank you to everyone for being so patient while waiting for this! Thank you to @aestheticartsx for finding some of these amazing pics. She is the best! 
 I love you all.
-Bree 
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tags: @openheart12 , @takeharryandgo , @trappedinfanfiction, @aestheticartsx, @aworldoffandoms, @paulfwesley, @myusualnerdyself,  @rookie-ramsey, @ohchoices, @colossalpainintheass, @enmchoices, @i-bloody-love-drake-walker, @choicesfanaf, @openheartthot, @octobereighth​, @nazarihoe, @utterlyinevitable, @kites-in-our-skies, @maurine07​, @schnitzelbutterfingers​, @doilooklikeiknow​, @snesdudes​, @kingliam2019​, @perriewinklenerdie​, @cinnamonspongecake​, @choicesstan1​, @queencarb​, @ethxnrxmsey​, @missmiimiie​, @jens-diamondchoices​, @adamsdumortain​, @apphia12​, @kalogh​, @lucy-268​, @binny1985​, @queenbirbs​, @honeyandsunfl0wers​, @newcolonies​, @lilyvalentine​, @rigatonireid​, @interobanginyourmom​, @parkerattano​, @custaroonie​, @nikki-2406​, @lilypills​, @chasingrobbie​, @nooruleman​,  @lonely-mxxnlight​, @ruinedbypixels​, @shadynaturehilariouscookie​, @tsrookie​, @mvalentine​, @professorkingslay​, @drakewalkerfantasy​, @casey-v​, @helloblueeyedcat​, @mysticaurathings​, @blossomanarchy​, @thegreentwin​, @togetherwearerapture​, @rookieoh​, @ramseysno1rookie, @rookiemarsswiftie​, @natashajaniphilchoices​, @mysticalgalaxysstuff​, @hatescapsicum​, @choices-lurker​, @kiara-36​, @junehiratas​, @danijimenezv​, @macy-ray85​, @adrex04​, @canigetanawwjunk​, @sanchita012​, @overwhelminglyaquarius​ , @scorpiochick8​, @skylarklyon​, @starrystarrytrouble​, @mercury84choices​, @drariellevalentine​, @ethanrcmsey​, @lion-ess24, @aarisa-frost​, @kaavyaethanramsey​ , @udishaman​, @a-crepusculo​, @quacksonlover​,
@varikasnuori​, @dimitriwife​, @genevievemd​, @shanzay44​, @fabi-en-ciel​, @trebondialanna​, @emotionalswift2, @lady-calypso​, 
(If I forgot anyone, please DM me!)
364 notes · View notes
murasaki-murasame · 3 years ago
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Thoughts on Higurashi Sotsu Ep15 [FINALE]
For better or worse I think Ryukishi achieved exactly what he set out to do with this series, and I guess everyone’s just gonna be forced to reckon with how they feel about his own perspective on this franchise versus how they feel about it, lol.
Anyway, thoughts under the cut, plus Umineko spoilers.
I’m not entirely sure where to even start with this, but I guess the TL;DR is that I honestly think Gou/Sotsu was ultimately just fine despite it’s issues, and part me of can’t help but be like ‘I told you so, lol’ about how this really did end with this episode, and also committed pretty hard to the Umineko prequel elements.
It’s not like all of my theories were correct in the end, but I at least think I was pretty spot on in my prediction last week that this would end with the miracle of them side-stepping the sword issue entirely and choosing the third option of forgiveness and reconciliation. And also them ending it with an epilogue where we go back to the Matsuribayashi timeline and get a happy ending for Rika and Satoko that provides a ‘non-magical interpretation’ for the story while also giving us an idea of how Bern and Lambda formally split off into their own entities and start the relationship we see in Umineko.
I didn’t quite expect them to go down the route of having them agree to just spend a few years apart and accept that they don’t need to literally always be together, but I think that was a really good way to wrap things up between them. It’s pretty much the healthiest compromise to their conflict that doesn’t come across like it completely invalidates one of their dreams. I get why it feels too anti-climactic and convenient for people, but when you pull at that thread you get into wider topics of what the entire story is about, since this was always going to end with Satoko being redeemed and forgiven. People might not have taken him seriously, but Ryukishi was 100% genuine about his regrets about Matsuribayashi’s ending, and how part of why he came up with this new story was to create a better ending, while also doing more with Satoko as a character.
Basically I think a lot of the fandom negativity towards this boils down to people fundamentally disagreeing with the idea that Matsuribayashi was even ‘flawed’ in this sort of way to begin with, or that Satoko was badly written. It’s valid to disagree on this stuff, but at the very least we all have to grapple with how Ryukishi has his own specific relationship with this series.
People like to focus on how he’s a troll who likes to mess with people, but I feel like this is a bit of a wake-up call for people about how he’s actually extremely sincere, almost to a fault, and he likes to use his stories as a vehicle for expressing his personal philosophies and ideals. 
This whole story is also a good example of how he just sees this as ultimately being a fictional story about fictional characters, and not literally a matter of real people who need to be sentenced for their crimes or whatever. As early as the original VN he was almost being outright preachy about the message that nobody is irredeemable, and that philosophy carries through to this. But to be more specific, nobody *in this story* is irredeemable. He’s pretty open about the fact that in practice you can’t apply this sort of ideal to real life, but fictional stories are their own separate matter.
I think this whole issue of how he views this as a story first and foremost is also the central reason why this ended in a way that comes across as Satoko being let off too easy for her crimes. One way or another, Ryukishi’s made it clear that he sees this as being no different to how other characters had arcs where they committed crimes but still got forgiven, or how Takano is basically a straight up war criminal who also got forgiven for her crimes.
Anyway, this episode at least committed to the Umineko stuff, so that was satisfying. Sure there’s people that still want to deny it, but at this point I think a lot of people are just being stubborn, so it’s not like anything would have really convinced them, lol. I’m also genuinely not sure what people even would have expected them to do beyond what we saw her, aside from having the two of them literally put on their gothic lolita outfits and turn to the camera and go ‘we are literally Bernkastel and Lambdadelta from the video game series Umineko When They Cry’. I almost feel like there’s some kind of misunderstanding from people who aren’t familiar with Umineko when it comes to the idea of what it even means for this to be ‘an Umineko prequel’, or ‘a Bern/Lambda origin story’. I mean, this is quite literally exactly what I expected and hoped for in that regard. It’s not like I was expecting them to incorporate anything related to, like, Beatrice or the Ushiromiya family.
I think this is also one of those things where you just have to decide for yourself whether or not you want to earnestly engage with the story that’s being told, or if you want to assume that there’s some level of malice or trickery going on.
To be honest, I wasn’t expecting them to literally have Rika and Satoko recite part of Bern and Lambda’s final conversation with each other word for word, lmao. Combined with the scene at the end where ‘Witch Satoko’ talks to herself about how she’s going to give her body back to Satoko while she goes chasing after Rika, it was literally just the exact origin story of their relationship as it’s depicted in Umineko.
I still feel like this would all only really be ‘worth it’ if we actually get something like a full on anime remake for Umineko, but at this point I can’t help but feel satisfied with this part of it all.
It’s not like I think Gou/Sotsu as a whole is perfect or anything, though. I don’t hate it as much as basically everyone else does, but I think Ryukishi’s the sort of VN writer who really struggles with the shift to writing for an anime. I think a big part of the frustration people have is just from how this is formatted as a weekly anime series spread across basically an entire year, instead of being something like a stand-alone VN chapter that you can read at whatever pace you want, even if it ultimately takes the same amount of time to read as it would to watch all of Gou/Sotsu.
There’s also the whole issue of this being a sort-of-remake, which snowballed into a whole list of structural problems. They absolutely tried too hard to have their cake and eat it too, and they should have just committed to it being made for old fans only, instead of trying to sincerely incorporate elements from the VN that old fans don’t care about anymore because they’ve gone over it already.
And as I’ve said several times before, it was a major issue for them to decide to put Nekodamashi in the middle of Gou and then spend like 20 episodes on flashback answer arcs until finally getting back to that cliffhanger. I’ve been waiting until this all ended to decide exactly how I feel about that, and now that it’s all over I still think it was a really bad idea. I don’t think it was an issue for them to reveal that Satoko’s the culprit that early, but having the gun cliffhanger specifically happen that early just gave people misguided expectations and tainted the answer arcs because people were just impatient to get back to the cliffhanger. And then the cliffhanger itself ended up being somewhat anti-climactic, which is what I’d been fearing would happen. It would have worked fine if they shuffled it around so that the cliffhanger happened right before Kagurashi and was followed up in the very next episode, or if this was a VN where you could binge your way through the flashback stuff, but spending like half of an entire real-life year to get back to that point only to have the resolution be ‘Satoko just shoots Rika and the death loops keep going’ just didn’t really work properly.
I’m a lot more generous towards the Akashi arcs than most people are, since I think they really over-estimate how much re-used content there is there, but they still suffer from the central issue of the show trying to be accessible for new fans. It could have been heavily condensed otherwise, without losing anything in terms of Satoko’s whole character arc.
On the other hand I think the first half of Kagurashi was awful specifically because it highlighted how bad of an idea it was to put Nekodamashi so early in the story. They still ended up having to go back to that arc and repeat it anyway, in the most 1:1 recap-y way in the whole show, but that wouldn’t have even been an issue in the first place if that was instead the first time that arc happened in the show.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I would rearrange the story to make it flow better while still following Ryukishi’s intentions, and I think they could have condensed it into a 2-cour season with this sort of structure if they did something like this:
-First arc where Rika gets thrown back into the loop and quickly figures out that somebody intentionally caused this to happen, and it’s not Takano because at least in this idea of mine she’d try and investigate her only to find out that this version of Takano regrets everything and is planning to flee the village with Tomitake.
Basically I think this could tie into the idea of Satoko initially wanting to just concoct an idea world for Rika so that she won’t want to leave this time, but sort of like what I think happens in Saikoroshi, Rika would still reject it, and this time around there’d be the additional layer of her knowing that somebody did this to her for an unknown reason. Maybe they could even initially market it as a new adaptation or a remake of Saikoroshi, and then reveal that it’s a sequel, to keep that whole element to the series. Either way I think this would end with everything going to shit when Rika rejects that fragment and wants to go back to St. Lucia’s, and Satoko basically snaps and kills her, and that way the audience can find out about her being the culprit without Rika finding out about it yet.
Maybe there could even be some dramatic irony where Rika’s attempts to meddle with certain ‘trigger events’, and her displaying her looper side, inadvertently triggers people around her to get paranoid, and the whole fragment would start to spiral into tragedy from there. I think they could at least use the whole conflict in Tatariakashi about Teppei actually being good this time as a starting point for that sorta thing.
-Second arc, rounding out the first cour, which is basically just Satokowashi. I don’t think there’s much that you’d need to change here, but like I said above I like the idea of her initially trying to just invent a perfect world for Rika and her to live in, instead of jumping straight to murder. But maybe instead of her literally just watching Rika’s loops, she could instead just be stuck using her looping powers to try and figure out how to create that ‘perfect world’ in the first place, by personally investigating all of the different tragedies and how to prevent them.
-Staring the second cour, a third arc where we basically just get to see those loops Satoko goes through, and her whole process of solving the tragedies and ‘purifying’ characters like Teppei and Takano, until we eventually see her perspective on the first arc, and how she reacts to Rika ultimately rejecting the world she tried to make for her.
-A fourth and final arc which is basically just Nekodamashi + Kagurashi, where she just totally snaps and tries to just torture Rika into never wanting to leave the village again, and eventually Satoko gets exposed and they have their direct confrontation with each other.
With that sorta story structure, you’d keep all the relevant bits of Gou/Sotsu as it is now, while being more focused on Rika and Satoko instead of doing kinda half-assed reruns of the Rena and Shion arcs. It’d also push the big cliffhanger between them until near the end of the show, while still revealing to the audience relatively early on that Satoko’s the culprit.
I’d also like them to do more with Satoshi and Shion, so maybe like with how Teppei gets redeemed and Satoko almost gets to have a happy life with him in Tatariakashi, the central question arc of this hypothetical story could also involve Satoko making sure that Satoshi wakes up from his coma, and Shion also gets to have a good relationship with all of them. You could probably do something interesting with the idea of Satoshi and Shion being in the camp of not trusting Teppei and his whole redemption arc.
Honestly I could spend a long time talking about how I would have done things differently, lol. For one thing, I think the Akashi arcs would have been much better if they just changed it so that Satoko used psychological tactics to make people paranoid, and we completely cut out the whole syringe plot device. I get how it fits with Satoko’s whole certainty gimmick, but it made those arcs way too predictable. Even if we knew the outcome, it’d at least be entertaining to see exactly how Satoko might go out of her way to set up the different tragedies. We kinda got glimpses of that sorta plot point in Wataakashi when things seemed to go outside of her control, but they didn’t really do much with it.
Anyway, this is a whole lot of words to say that I think that in spite of the serious structural issues going on, I think Gou/Sotsu as a whole is fine, and was at least working with a lot of perfectly good ideas that could have been executed much better.
Also, on a side note, that one scene during their fist-fight at the start where the art-style changes a bit was kinda weird, but I really liked how it looked, and part of me almost wishes the whole show looked like that, lol. I like Akio Watanabe’s character designs, but I feel like that sort of stylized, almost TWEWY-ish art style would have been really fitting for this series, especially in the horror/action parts.
Oh, and the new rendition of You was so good it almost felt emotionally manipulative, lol.
20 notes · View notes
petri808 · 4 years ago
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Neither Lucy nor Natsu sat through the closing arguments, but according to Gajeel the defense stood firmly on their case for insanity. Touka’s attorney argued that his client suffered from a disorder that should put her in a hospital for treatment, not a jail cell, and not only that, but the so-called victims in the case drove her to do what she did. It was a very risky move to blame the victims. Of course, the prosecution countered that not only did Touka not suffer from any condition but that this was a simple case of jealousy gone wrong. Natsu and Lucy were innocent victims of a selfish woman who tried to kill them. Period, and for that she should go to prison for the maximum sentence allowed.
The prosecutor implored to the jurors heartstrings. “You saw the effects that Ms. Shiromajyo caused to her victims. The tears shed on the stand and the genuine fear in Ms. Heartfilia’s testimony as she recounted the events in question. Ladies and gentlemen, this young woman stared death in the face and watched her boyfriend almost get killed by the defendant. They had to fight to survive! Ms. Heartfilia and Mr. Dragneel have experienced something that no one should ever go through.” He gestured at the timeline board facing them. “Ms. Shiromajyo stalked multiple people over the course of several years to reach her goal, intimidating people that really had nothing to do with her. Ms. Shiromajyo paid a person to kill Ms. Strauss, threatening and intimidating her. And most of all, ultimately took this whole situation into her own hands when all of her efforts didn’t work out. She is a danger to society. I urge you, the jury to give her victims the peace of mind that she’ll be off the streets in a cell getting the treatment that she needs, and the punishment she deserves.”
It was a nerve wracking time for the victims as they waited outside of the court room for the jury to deliberate. Lucy and Natsu stayed in a side room with the prosecutor along with their closest friends and family there to support them. The prosecutor assured them that they’d done their best and the odds were in their favor. But of course, it only took one hold out to cause a mistrial, and Lucy didn’t know if she could go through this again. She was already unhappy that even if convicted, Japan’s sentencing structures were not as stringent as other countries.
The jury deliberated for four hours before reaching a verdict pronouncing Touka guilty of all charges. Upon hearing the guilty decision, Lucy and Natsu slipped back into the court room to hear the final disposition.
“Rise Ms. Shiromajyo.” The judge then read the decision to the standing defendant. “You have been found guilty by this court of two counts of attempted murder that caused injury. One count of kidnapping for profit. And three counts of intimidation. Do you have any last statement to make to the court before I render sentencing?”
Touka hung her head as if resigned to her fate. “Yes...” Surprisingly, to all those in the courtroom, she apologized for her actions. “I see now how much pain I caused to everyone because I couldn’t control myself and I hope one day they’ll forgive me for it.”
But her words of contrition were too little, too late. The judge sentenced Touka to the maximum of the highest offense, which was 15 years with work, but instead of the work condition, imposed a special circumstance that Touka be ordered to undergo mandatory psychological treatment while in custody and to adhere to any treatments and medications prescribed for her own good.
“Ms. Shiromajyo,” the judge spoke directly to the woman. “You’ve apologized at the end, but I hope you truly feel that way. Based on all of the evidence presented in court, your actions were clearly towards a one-sided love affair with a man who wanted nothing to do with you, and for that you tried to punish an innocent woman who got in your way. I do not believe, and the jury agreed, that you do not suffer from a legal defense of mental defect, however you should spend the time in prison to get your mind right again, so that when you re-enter society in the future, you’ll no longer suffer from whatever emotional problems brought you here in the first place. You are very lucky that I cannot under the law sentence you to concurrent sentences for every single charge. Bailiff, take custody of the prisoner. This case is adjourned.”
As the final gavel bang echoed in the court room, Natsu and Lucy who’d made it in time to hear it all, broke down in tears and elation as the court room erupted in cheers around them. A rarity for the poised population. This case was certainly anything but common for Japan, especially because the perpetrator was a woman and journalists had kept the public up to date with its progress. A lot of people were affected by this case personally, but the fear of what Touka had done rang cold for onlookers too. For the public, the idea that someone you may know could harbor ill will and do something this heinous was a scary proposition.
While the case was now over, Lucy knew her own struggles with anxiety were not, despite the tiny relief she’d felt in hearing the words guilty. She’d made it through the trial by sheer determination, but the experience had set her back in her progress. Reliving all the worst events and being grilled by the defense had re-traumatized her. Not all the way regressed, but the nightmares were back anew, starting immediately after her recall testimony.
It wasn’t just the old memories that haunted Lucy, but a new, troubling thought brought out during that testimony. When the defense attorney tried to make her think she was just as bad as Touka, there was a point when she thought... was it true? And the more she pondered, the worst the correlation became despite her loved ones conviction that she was nothing like the woman. Because... why not? If Touka’s deluded mind really believed she was protecting what was hers, well isn’t that the same logic Lucy used to defend herself and Natsu? Then there was the rage she’d felt. Was the attorney, right? If Natsu hadn’t stopped her from beating the woman, would she have killed Touka? Did that mean she had a killer instinct too?
All the publicity surrounding the trial didn’t help one bit. Just trying to get out of the court room after the verdict had been a complete circus of cameras flashing and microphones being shoved in the couples faces wanting their opinions of the verdict. Oh, how Lucy wanted to scream in their faces! How do they think they’d feel?! Yes, it felt great to be vindicated, but 15 years for almost killing them? Where were their assurances that when Touka was released, she wouldn’t pick right back up where she’d left off and hunt them down?
All these irrational thoughts fueling the new regression were different from before. Lucy didn’t feel as anxious. She was a little depressed, but now she was also— angry.
When she arrived at her therapy session without Natsu, Lucy sat on the couch facing the woman with her arms crossed. The therapist was quick to note the way in which she was holding her poise because it wasn’t a comforting arm cross, but a firm one. The muscles in her forearms were tense along with the tight lipped and brows furrowed expression gracing Lucy’s face.
“Well, this is certainly new,” the woman put her notebook down as she spoke. “Something has changed, shall we talk about it?”
Lucy’s hands clenched firmly as her eyes look away slightly. “I had a small argument with Natsu this morning.”
“I get the impression it wasn’t small.”
“Okay! It was a big fight! Happy?!” Lucy’s arms unfurled and gesticulated. “I don’t even know why it got out of hand, but it did.”
“Tell me what happened and let’s figure it out together.”
“Tch,” Lucy crossed her arms again and looked away. “I woke up from a nightmare. He started comforting me like he al—ways does, and I told him to stop. But he didn’t.”
“Why’d you tell him to stop?”
“I don’t know... I was just, irritated.”
“With him?”
“Yes... No— both, I don’t fucking know! Just pissed off, okay?! I was just angry and didn’t wanna be bothered!”
“I see... and how did Natsu react?”
“He, well, um,” Lucy’s shoulders dropped a bit. “He just said okay, I’ll give you space if you want it and left the bedroom. And we haven’t spoken since then.”
“It sounds like Natsu respected your wishes to back off. But why is that making you so angry?”
The therapists question brought instant tears pooling in Lucy’s eyes. She knew why, but she didn’t know why, and holding it in was tearing her apart. But she also didn’t know how to articulate all of the random thoughts plaguing her in a way that made sense. So, at that moment she just broke. Through fitful sobs the cacophony of broken, fragmented thoughts spewed out in no logical manner. Lucy just spoke every word and sentence that came to mind as the therapist sat quietly listening.
This was her first session since the trial had ended, so all of the wounds were painfully fresh. Shouldn’t she be happy it was over? They were free for now and it was time to move forward but all she could think about were the things the attorney had said. And that made her angry with herself. Lucy’s always thought she was so much stronger, yet this experience or rather the effects left her feeling lost and broken, and weak. Even more infuriating for her, she knew these thoughts were completely irrational! It’s one thing to not understand, it’s another to know how stupid it sounded and not be able to fight back against it. Weak. That’s what it made her feel. Stupid and weak for losing herself. They may have won against Touka, but Touka had taken something away and Lucy feared she’d lost it forever.
Who she was.
The therapist moved over to the couch and hugged tightly to a sobbing Lucy, stroking her hair and cradling her head. Comforting in silence allowed the blonde to just cry, as hard as she needed to and release everything that had been held inside where it shouldn’t stay. When the tears slowed, and Lucy’s breathing had the normalized, the therapist spoke softly.
“You’re not broken, Lucy, and you’re not dumb. You’re rightfully in pain after everything you’ve experienced, and that’s okay too.”
“How is that okay?” Lucy sniffled. “It shouldn’t be okay!”
“It’s not fair what you had to endure but being upset and feeling pain because of it means you’re human. Even the anger is a good feeling right now.”
Lucy snorts an annoyed laugh at such a ridiculous sounding statement. Anger being, okay?!
“There are positives we can take from this.”
Again, Lucy huffs. “Yeah, right. That makes a lot of sense.”
The therapist pulls back and settles into a more professional pose to continue. “Your anger means you care. Think about it, if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t get angry, right?”
“I guess...”
“In all these months, this is the first time I am seeing a deep passion coming from you. Lucy you aren’t really lost, and this anger are those feelings screaming ‘I’m still here!’ You can use that same energy to push forward.”
“But what about Natsu?” Lucy’s eyes cloud up. “I think I really made him mad a-and I don’t want to lose him.”
“Did he come with you today?”
“Yeah, he’s in the waiting room.” Lucy mumbled through a frown. “But I think he just came cause he felt obligated.”
The therapists eyes softened along with her tone. “I have a feeling that’s not the case. He might feel hurt and confused right now, but I’m sure he still loves you deeply. Maybe we should bring him in here and talk things over? That way I can help you through it.”
Lucy paused for a moment before nodding weakly. “I’d like that.”
The therapist brought Natsu into the room and as soon as he saw the puffy red eyes and Lucy’s disheveled appearance immediately stumbled over and hugged onto her with tears of his own flowing down, apologizing over and over for upsetting her that morning.
Although Lucy stiffened up at first when he’d hugged her in fear of what he might say, his words instead stunned her. All along she’d felt the fight was her fault, not his. She’d been the bitch to him and now his pain brought her tears back along with a loss of her anger. “It’s not your fault,” she hugged him back. “I was angry with myself and took it out on you. That wasn’t fair.”
“But I shouldn’t have walked away like I did.”
“No,” Lucy exhaled, “you did the right thing. I... I needed something to wake me up.”
Natsu pulled back in confusion. “What do you mean?”
Lucy smiled weakly. “Coming here mad, I couldn’t hide it so she made me talk about it. Now I see how that needed that to happen and I feel a lot better because of it. I was just worried you’d hate me for the way I acted.”
“I could never hate you,” Natsu smiled and cupped Lucy’s cheeks. “I told you, you’re stuck with me.”
By that point, the therapist had gone back to her own chair and with the session almost over for that day, addressed the couple together. “Lucy right now I think you are at a very good point in your progress. Your anxiety had gotten better, the depression is still there, but it’s not as debilitating as it was before, so now it’s time to take the next step in the healing process. You’d mentioned wanting going back to school and the next semester starts in a month. Perhaps it’s time to consider going back?”
“I-I don’t know if I could handle full time...”
“Maybe reach out to the school and see if they’ll work with you on a modified schedule?”
“I guess I could...”
“And I’ll help you,” Natsu added on as he squeezed Lucy’s hand. “They’ve been really supportive so far.”
Lucy let out a long exhale. “Okay. I’ll give it a shot.”
“I’ve got another suggestion too,” Natsu added. “If you get angry, you could take it out with a physical sport or something.”
“That’s actually a good outlet,” the therapist agreed. “Is there anything you’re interested in?”
“Um...” Lucy thought about for a couple minutes. “I thought about taking self-defense classes.”
“That would be cool! Maybe we can go together?”
“I’d really, really like that.” And first time in a long time, Lucy truly meant it.
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southeastasianists · 4 years ago
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In late July, sitting in my sister-in-law’s home in St. Louis, Missouri, I waited in the “lobby” area of Cloud Theatre for Zoom Parah to begin. Itself a creation born of the pandemic, Cloud Theatre is an online platform which strives to offer a seamless digital theatre experience to global audiences. Their “lobby” is a simple but smart artificial space: a live chat box, available to attendees as they login for a show, is positioned next to the image of a theatre stage, framed by red curtains. The waiting room attempts to replicate the experience of audience members mingling and chatting before a performance begins. Joining others in this virtual space, I was excited to see another Malaysian, also based in the United States, mention that they were from Petaling Jaya—my hometown. I excitedly typed back, “I’m from PJ, too!” The spark of recognition flashing across the chat box was akin to overhearing a conversation between strangers, and interjecting to share a mutual connection. Months into social distancing protocols, the Cloud Theatre lobby reminded me that there was something inherently sociable about joining hundreds of people from around the world to watch this production together—albeit, online.
“We had people who’d never seen theatre before experience it for the first time using Zoom.” Malaysian theatre director, actor and writer Jo Kukathas stressed this point repeatedly when discussing Zoom Parah, the online adaptation of the critically acclaimed play, Parah. This digital theatre performance, and the new viewing experiences it made possible, is just one of many examples of innovative work being produced by Southeast Asian directors, producers, and actors since the pandemic. In the early days and weeks of Covid-19, theatre makers from this region—like so many others around the world—watched in despair as stages went dark and theatres shut their doors. Despite the dire conditions, they rallied—with little to no funding and even less governmental support—to reimagine theatre in the time of COVID. They created innovative forms of theatre designed for Zoom, streamed recordings of award-winning plays that had not previously been available online, and held numerous talk-back sessions to reflect on the creative process. The digital turn in Southeast Asian theatre has provided unprecedented access to experimental and critically acclaimed work from the region. These productions have connected audiences and diasporic communities around the world, focusing often on urgent questions of race, identity, and belonging. These developments offer models not only for the professional theatre world, but also for teachers and students of the performing arts who are navigating online education.
In their articles for Offstage and The Business Times, Akanksha Raja and Helmi Yusof discuss half a dozen new Singaporean and Southeast Asian theatre projects which have embraced the digital turn. These include: Murder at Mandai Camp and The Future Stage from Sight Lines Entertainment; Long Distance Affair from Juggerknot Theatre and PopUP Theatrics; Fat Kids Are Harder to Kidnap from How Drama; and Who’s There? from The Transit Ensemble and New Ohio Theatre. While these are just a few of the productions that have emerged since the pandemic began, they are impressive in scale, quantity, and range of forms. These performances have taken advantage of every feature offered by Zoom, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp and other social media platforms. They’ve incorporated chat boxes, polls, and even collaborative detective work on the part of the audience. In addition to Zoom Parah (by Instant Café Theatre), I’ve had the opportunity to watch Who’s There?, as well as a recording of WILD RICE theatre’s celebrated play, Merdeka, written by Singaporean playwrights Alfian Sa’at and Neo Hai Bin. Of these three, Zoom Parah and Who’s There? illuminate the technological and socio-political interventions of Southeast Asian digital theatre, as well as the ways in which COVID-19 has redefined performance and spectatorship.
In addition to the virtual lobby and chat function, Zoom Parah employed live English translation in a separate text box, making the production accessible to those not fluent in Malay. Who’s There? like Zoom Parah, also made the most of the chat function, along with approximately a dozen polls which punctuated the performance. Each poll gauged audience reactions to the complex issues the play addressed and reflected the responses back to the viewers. This feature required audience members to pause, reflect on a particular scene and its context, and assess the perspectives through which they were viewing the performance. In effect, the polls created a dynamic feedback loop between the cast, crew, and viewers, offering an alternative to the in-person audience response that is so crucial to live performances. Augmenting their efforts to keep audience members plugged in, the play experimented with layering lighting, sound, and mixed media to produce different visual and sound effects within the Zoom frame.
Alongside their adaptation of online technologies, both plays are also noteworthy for their socio-political interventions. Parah, the critically acclaimed play on which Zoom Parah is based, was written in 2011 by award-winning Singaporean writer and resident playwright at WILD RICE theatre, Alfian Sa’at. It follow a group of 11th grade students of different races (Malay, Chinese, and Indian) as they navigate reading the controversial Malaysian novel, Interlok, which sparked national debates surrounding racial stereotypes. The classmates, who share a deep friendship, challenge each other’s views of the novel by reflecting on their lived experiences. Zoom Parah retained the original plot and script, bringing the play’s pressing questions into a national landscape marked by pandemic lockdowns and political upheaval, and shadowed by new iterations of Malay supremacy. At a volatile time for the country, Zoom Parah questions what it means to be Malaysian, making visible the forms of belonging and exclusion that continue to shape national identities.
Who’s There? was also invested in broaching difficult discussions of contemporary issues. A transnational collaboration between artists from the US, Singapore, and Malaysia, the play was part of the New Ohio Theatre’s summer festival, which moved online due to the pandemic. Who’s There? aimed to tackle some of the most contentious racial topics of 2020: the killing of George Floyd and the ensuing Black Lives Matter protests; the use of black and brownface in Malaysia; and the relationship between DNA testing and cultural identity. The production was structured as a series of linked vignettes, featuring different sets of characters wrestling with interconnected racial and national contexts.
Both Parah and Who’s There speak to the arts’ inherent capacity to not merely experiment with form and aesthetics in the digital realm, but to also engage the complexity of history, politics, and contemporary culture. As Kukathas recently reflected, “The act of making theatre to me is always about trying to connect to the society that I live in; that could be local, that could be global . . . people want to hear stories, and to connect through stories.” By taking on the dual challenge of experimenting with digital technologies and responding to what’s happening in the public square, Southeast Asian digital theatre joins work such as the Public Theatre’s all-Black production of Much Ado About Nothing to offer new frames through which to view race, rights, and identity—even and especially in the midst of a global pandemic.
Kukathas’ comments on the inherently social motivations of her work were shared during a Facebook Live discussion entitled “Who’s Afraid of Digital Theater?”. The conversation aired on 20 August, hosted by WILD RICE theatre and moderated by Alfian. Focusing on “the possibilities and pitfalls of digital theatre,” the discussion featured reflections from artists who have helped launch this new era of Southeast Asian theatre. The panelists included Kukathas, Kwin Bhichitkul from Thailand (director, In Own Space) and Sim Yan Ying “YY” from Singapore (co-director and actor, Who’s There?). Approximately 100 people tuned in for the discussion, and the recording has accrued over 8,000 views on Facebook. During the conversation, the theatre makers shared rationales for their creative choices, as well as strategies for navigating the challenges of developing online performances. Their insights offer potential pathways for other theatre professionals, as well as teachers and students of theatre who are continuing to work online.
Bhichitkul, Kukathas, and Sim’s approaches to digital theatre diverged significantly from one another. They each played with different technologies and were guided by distinct motivations. Bhichitkul was focussed on the isolation created by the pandemic and, responding to this fragmentation, he asked 15 artists to create short, 2-minute video performances. Bhichitkul explained that this project also had an improvisational twist: “Every artist need[ed] to be inspired by the message of the [artist’s] video before them. They couldn’t think beforehand, they needed to wait until the day [they received the video]” before creating their own. The creative process was thus limited to just a 24-hour window for each artist. The entire project spanned 15 days, with Bhichitkul stitching the videos together on the final day.
On the other hand, Kukathas felt strongly that her foray into digital theatre required a deep connection to a live, staged performance. Therefore, she chose Parah—a play she directed for six re-stagings between 2011-2013—as the production she would adapt to Zoom. Kukathas explained, “If I was going to start experimenting with doing digital theatre . . . it needed to be a play that I was very familiar with, and a play that the actors were very familiar with. I wanted the actors to really inhabit their bodies, so that the energy of the actor’s body was very present even through the screen . . . I [needed] actors who have a kinetic memory in their body of that performance being 360 degrees.” Unlike Kukathas, Sim was “interested in doing something as far away from live theatre as possible” and did not want to be “beholden” to its conventions. She views digital theatre as “a new art form in itself; not an extension of live theatre, not a replacement, but something that straddles the line between theatre and film.”
The directors’ reflections on their respective productions illustrate the range of forms, techniques, and points of view with which theatre makers are experimenting. They also suggest that digital theatre has the potential to accommodate a surprisingly wide variety of directorial visions and investments.
And while their approaches might vary, these theatre makers all agreed about the benefits and opportunities of digital theatre. They returned repeatedly to the advantages of greater accessibility and transnational reach without the costs of international travel. Kukathas and Sim cited accessibility and the pay-what-you-can model as being particular priorities for them. Kukathas was especially proud of the fact that “we could reach the play to people who would ordinarily not be able to go to the theatre. And we made our tickets really cheap: our cheapest ticket was RM5 (US $1). We did that deliberately so that people who don’t usually even go to the theatre would get a chance to watch it. So we had people who’d never seen theatre before experience it for the first time using Zoom.”
The directors also view the digital turn as one which opens up new avenues for creativity and collaboration. Sim recalls, “We still spent 3-4 hours per rehearsal, 4 times a week, on this space together. We developed a closeness and a relationship with each other even though we never met live. And we still shared a lot of cross-cultural exchanges.” Kukathas views the shift to online technologies and platforms as one which prompts us to ask big questions about theatre and to re-evaluate the rules of spectatorship. Filming theatre at home, sharing it online, and watching it at home creates, according to Kukathas, a merging of “strangeness and ordinariness” that shrinks the spaces between public and private. The ensuing disorientation poses, for Kukathas, a number of pivotal questions: “What is theatre? What are the impulses that drive us to make a piece of theatre? What is it to watch theatre? How free are you now when you’re watching? . . . I think this could be a good chance to question why we have certain rules [in theatre] and whether those rules are really necessary.”
While we are used to hearing laments about the digital as the enemy of “the real,” the digital turn in Southeast Asian theatre suggests an opening and an expansion; a chance to reimagine the performing arts, develop new forms of collaboration, and reach wider and more diverse audiences. As Akanksha Raja notes in Offstage, “performance-makers have been recognising that the way they choose to embrace technology can not only enhance but possibly birth new forms of theatre.”
However, it’s crucial not to romanticise the very real challenges of alternative forms and platforms. Alfian noted that, “In a traditional theatre, you are a captive audience . . . you’re not allowed to be distracted, not allowed to look at your phone. On the one hand, we’re seeing there’s the freedom to not be so disciplined when watching a show. But at the same time, is the freedom necessarily a good thing? You’re actually quite distracted and you’re not giving your 100 percent [attention] to the work.”
Sim and Kukathas agreed to an extent, but pointed out alternative advantages: group chats and texts in a “watch party” format build a sense of connection among audience members and provide real-time audience reactions and feedback. Kukathas recalled how attendees used the chat box (along with text messages and DMs) to alert Kukathas and her producer to a sound issue that they were not aware of. Kukathas laughingly reflected, “I really appreciated how invested people were. They were like, ‘Fix this right now!’ and then we had to rush to try to fix it. It made me feel how alive we were—the audience was shouting at us!”
The digital turn in Southeast Asian theatre is bringing a wide range of productions to global audiences. The literary and cultural traditions of this region are incredibly rich and have always been shaped by complex histories of migration, exchange, and adaptation. Digital theatre is borne of new practices of migration, exchange, and adaptation—and of necessity. While there have been controversial debates in countries like Singapore and Malaysia about the value of the arts during this pandemic, the creatives featured here are turning to the digital in order to keep art alive and to keep their companies and projects afloat. They are extending an invitation to audiences and to collaborators to embrace play and experimentation, to find opportunities in the challenges of online theatre, and to recognise that art is essential, now more than ever.
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