#i ramble a lot and it's bad so i really REIGNED MYSELF IN HERE

[blissfulfandomingmess]

Bridgerton Season 3 Is Completely Out - Here's My Thoughts (Not Spoiler Free!)

I never expected myself to become a sucker for Bridgerton yet here we are. It started after promotion for Season 3 began earlier this year. They began to drop the snippets, specifically the infamous "your eyes are the most remarkable shade of blue" scene. So, as soon as these scenes dropped, I felt some appeal. However, Nicola Coughlan and Luke Newton really PULLED me into the trap. The PR and their genuine friendship brought me so much comfort and idealization. I still feel like an imposter in this fandom as I haven't watched the show from beginning to end. I'm hesitant to start it. I've already found myself being emotionally attached to these characters and their actors. It's formed a hyperfixation so that's a great new addition to my shelf of many fixations. But with that comes, a lot of dread to start a series in fear of me disliking their characters in previous seasons or feeling no appeal to other characters. I don't want to be that person.

Yet I still watched Season 3. I may not know every character and have a basic rundown of what's happened in previous seasons but I've enjoyed what I've seen. The first part of Season 3 focused on establishing the friends-to-lovers phenomenon between Colin and Penelope. Some aspects felt rushed but to me, it was pretty well done. However, when it comes to covering a book, there should definitely be more aspects of the book included. Many things were excluded, some for completely valid reasonings and others that didn't make sense. As many of the dearest gentle readers watched the second half of the season, many have echoed the same disappointment. Where was his declaration of love from the books? Why was there more anger than happy scenes? Why did they seem to skip many events from the book adaption?

Before we delve into this deeper, if you haven't read the original book (Romancing Mister Bridgerton: Penelope & Colin's Story by Julia Quinn), this is what we as a fandom are referring to:

“I love you,” he said, his voice low and fervent. “I love you with everything I am, everything I've been, and everything I hope to be.” “I love you with my past, and I love you for my future.” He bent forward and kissed her, once, softly, on the lips.

In many ways, we technically got something similar to this towards the end of Episode 8 but most longtime readers and watchers were looking forward to this moment. Not only that but the almost reversed sequence of events. However, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. After all, this is a live-action adaption of the novelization. The novelization will forever reign superior.

Stlll, Luke and Nicola brought these characters to life with their blood, sweat, and tears. You can see through their art how serious and important these characters are to them. I think it's fair to say that I cannot wait to see them in future seasons, even though, they will no longer be the leads. I think that's another reason I dreaded the end of this season. I've enjoyed all the press, interviews, photoshoots, and friends made along the way.

To finish this off, I would like to applaud Nicola Coughlan and Luke Newton. Not only did they provide us with happiness and joy but they showed their close friendship, highlighting their immense respect for each other. You don't see things like this in this business often. Of course, they played into some aspects of the PR but their friendship was never PR despite sites like DeuxMoi wanting to claim.

And with that dearest gentle readers, this is where we part. Not literally but this season has been an amazing journey for us all. I can't wait to see what the future has in store. I hope and pray that Nicola and Luke remain friends through all hate and rumors, as well. This won't be the last you hear of my Bridgerton ranting and rambling as I hope to actually start from beginning to end. I hope you all enjoyed this season as much as I have, even with some of the hurdles with the second half.

[julian-sinclair-blog]

Waiting was something that Julian had become more than accustomed to after joining the crew of the Spectre. Being their morale officer, he had to have the patience to wait in order to deal with them and actually do his job right. Although -- technically Julian wasn’t doing his job right in this moment. He hadn’t been since the Spectre took land and he was ordered to stay behind with the rest of the ship while a select group went ahead towards the temple. Minutes ticked by, quickly turning into an hour, and so forth. Julian was mentally counting the time, eyes not faltering from the skyline he had seen them disappear into until a bright flare is bursting across it. That was his queue. He joins the others in one of the long boats that take them to the other’s location near the temple, bright eyes staring carefully at the scenery around him before he’s stepping off the boat and onto the temple’s courtyard, a flash of concern morphing across his face at what he was seeing. “What happened?” He asks out loud.

[luna-tiel]

What Entrapdak Means to Me

On the eve of Entrapdak Positivity Month, I thought it was as good a time as any to share my rambling thoughts on a ship that’s affected me in a way I didn’t think was possible. 

Entrapdak is the first ship I have ever been invested in. It’s such a new experience for me that it’s taken me the last few months to wrap my head around the whole thing. I may relate to the characters in a show, but when they form romantic attachments I view it with a degree of passive distance. I don’t understand what it’s like to have those sorts of feelings for someone (I am aromantic and ace as a brick), and, well, I’m honestly not curious enough to give the subject a thorough study. My mind tends to fixate on other things. 

What does this have to do with Entrapdak, you ask? Long story short for people who don’t want to read my meandering essay -- I relate a lot to these characters, and the way they bonded together struck a deep chord in me that I can’t ignore. 

Let’s start with the characters. I knew going in that Entrapta was neurodivergent-coded, but I took it with a grain of salt. When I actually watched the show, however, I found myself relating to her so deeply it shocked me. Never have I felt such a kinship with a fictional character! We don’t share every trait, but it was still like seeing my brain put to life on screen. I related to her enthusiasm over her special interests, her struggles to fit in, her desire to make friends who accept and understand her for who she is. 

The fact Entrapta is completely herself is something I love about her. Over the years of growing up undiagnosed, I developed a lot of masking strategies. Human psychology is one of my special interests, and even with all that accumulated knowledge, masking isn’t easy. It’s extremely mentally taxing. Masking can certainly look easy -- I can, when I have the drive and energy, “pass” as neurotypical, and only people who know me extremely well can tell I’m dying inside. All that effort is taken for granted by a lot of NTs because that’s how people are “supposed to” act, and surely I can “do the bare minimum.” The accumulated stress of near constant masking has led me to the darkest moments I’ve had in my life.

Entrapta’s struggle with leaving Beast Island hit me hard. It threw me back to a time when my feelings of isolation and worthlessness got so bad that I lost the energy to do anything, even the creative pursuits that were the obsession of my life. I retreated so deeply into my inner world that I hardly interacted with anyone. That total apathy shocked my family into getting me professional help, which gave me my autism diagnosis, the coping skills to move forward, and a good start on the road to self-acceptance. It also opened a channel between my family and I, allowing me to feel heard and understood. (An important side note on mental health: if you or someone you love needs professional help, please seek it! Sometimes you have to try out several therapists -- it took me three to find a good fit -- but you are worth it!)

It took me longer to realize, but I also relate to Hordak in some ways. Mercifully I was not raised in an extremist cult environment. However, I know what it’s like to feel defective next to a sibling that seems perfect. I was constantly being compared to my younger brother, and in all areas but art, he was superior. He was smart, athletic, and above all, he fit in with everyone. I didn’t hate him for this -- I hated myself. Trying to measure up to his standard is what caused me to develop such strong masking strategies. Underneath it all, I felt the despair of knowing my peers would reject me as soon as the mask cracked. I also live with chronic joint pain, starting at around age seven. The jury is still out on what’s causing that (the worst of it was due to a previously unknown food allergy, but the pain still comes and goes, even though it’s a lot more manageable than it used to be). This cocktail of pain, stress, and sensory issues I had to deal with gave me a very short fuse at times. 

As an aside, just because I sympathize with Hordak does not mean I am excusing his actions. He is still going to have to face the consequences of his choices, and work to adjust to life post-Prime. The series end gave him a new beginning, the opportunity to be redeemed, and I prefer this to a rushed redemption arc. 

What I love most about Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship is how they accept each other as they are. Hordak gives Entrapta near free reign of his sanctum, he listens to her when she talks, and he respects her opinions. Even when he pushes her away, he still considers the logic of what she tells him, and sometimes ends up doing things her way despite his initial instincts. This is something I do in my own life; I am easily overwhelmed by new information, so my initial response to an idea/activity is almost always a firm (and sometimes rude) “no,” until I have time to properly process and think about it. Hordak is the first person in Entrapta’s life that truly listens to her. He still has things he needs to work on, but it’s a lot better than how most of the princesses are with Entrapta. The Alliance treats her as someone to be managed -- she is useful, but unreliable. Hordak, in contrast, trusts her to get things done in her own way. 

On the other side, Entrapta is the first person in Hordak’s life to accept him without judgment. Hordak spends so much of his energy putting up a front of strength and intimidation, and Entrapta cuts right through that. She’s not frightened by his appearance, and even his outbursts have little effect on her until the two of them start to bond. Entrapta doesn’t come into their interactions with any preconceived ideas of what Hordak is like, or more importantly, what he should be like. This lack of expectation leaves her completely open to accepting whatever Hordak does and says, and it also relieves Hordak of the burden of needing to put on a front around her. When Entrapta sees him at his most vulnerable, she reaches out to him with compassion, something he has never felt before. Entrapta also does this in a way that doesn’t belittle Hordak. His imperfections are not something to pity, they are a valuable part of who he is. 

I loved watching their friendship develop. Entrapta and Hordak’s shared time together evolved slowly into a bond that gave each of them a sense of belonging they had never experienced before with anyone else. It gave me the hope that, despite what an oddball mess I am, perhaps I could find someone who understands me too. 

When a romance subplot inserts itself into a story, I tend to gloss over and ignore it (if I pick up on it at all). I’m even less interested in sex. Way back when I was first getting into fandom I was so excited to go online and meet fellow fans of the books and shows I liked, only to discover the spaces being dominated by arguments over character pairings. I was baffled. This is what people are most interested in? Oh well… back to the hermit cave I go! 

I was late to the party with SPoP. I’d watched a few episodes, but the show didn’t really hook me. This was partially because all I ever heard people talk about online was Catradora, and if that was the main appeal of the show, I wasn’t sure I would enjoy it (sorry Catradora shippers, romance is not going to entice me to watch a show, even if it’s rep). Quarantine was the ultimate cause for me embracing my curiosity and diving headfirst into SPoP, binging the entire thing a few months before the release of season 5.

I vaguely knew about Entrapdak as a ship going into the show, and I admit, had I not been primed for it, I probably would have missed the romantic potential entirely. In no way did I expect to become invested. I was immediately intrigued by their dynamic, and as they got closer, I found myself thinking “oh, I see why people ship these two.” I didn’t understand this realization until months later. I was relating to the characters, and for the first time in my life, I was relating to their relationship.

I headcanon Entrapta and Hordak as an asexual couple. I’ll elaborate on this at a later time (asexuality is a spectrum with a lot of nuance, and this post is plenty long already), but at the core of it, I find joy in imagining these characters in a loving platonic relationship, something I hope to find myself one day. I hope this love comes across in my artwork and in my fanfictions <3

To those of you that read this far, wow, you must be patient! Have an imaginary cookie! I hope this ramble has provided a decent picture for why I, as an aro ace on the autism spectrum, have come to cherish Hordak and Entrapta’s relationship. It’s my first and only OTP… I’m still in shock thinking about that… I guess we’ll see where things go from here!

Take care of yourselves out there!

[mattdcblog]

What’s your favorite JLI (and the related runs) issue and your most hated one? I for one love the more fun vibe in these runs but sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable at all the jokes, some of them are a bit too much. What about you? :)

Putting this under a readmore because i didn't edit it and i ramble a lot xoxo

II've definitely got a fondness for a LOT of the quarterlies. But as for a favorite for the main run of the title, its so hard to choose lol.

Ultimately I think I've gotta go with everything leading up to and following the despero fight. Issue #37 is the one I remember most often (mainly for the cover and Adam hughes art.) The way that whole issue builds and has kind of two separate stories happening at the same time is amazing. I love that it kind of shows a different side of the b&g dynamic, where yknow theres some stuff they don't agree on because they're people, and thats how people are. They view the situation differently. I love when they fight also <3 lolll

And then you get the alarm system going off, which everybody who was there has context for, so it becomes its own kind of "i can't believe that happened!" And then you juxtapose that with Booster quitting its like....muah chef kissing fingers.

And THEN theres ANOTHER layer with scotts robot clone thing (?) Trying to introduce itself over and over and everybody just. Ignoring him. Which is funny by itself in the issue, but actually COMES BACK in the following issues and becomes such a source of character development.

The whole despero arc is just like. Muah. So sad and so hopeful at the same time. It also took me from just liking Jon to liking him a LOT.

Special shout out to (i think) #60 "swan song" and the invasion crossover. The invasion issue actually made me like Oberon, and in #60, this hit me really hard for some reason (side note: I miss dmitriiiiii):

As for my LEAST favorite issue? Oh boy. Thats kinda tough lol, let me think.

As a joke I would say any of the ones focused on gnort. I've got such a love hate relationship with that dude in this series.

Um but for real, I'd have to say its a tie between the general glory arc and the breakdowns arc. I think the guy v Ted fight happens in breakdowns(?) But something about it feels really disingenuous and mean, and its not a fun read. I don't really HATE either of them, but they're ones where I find myself skipping over a lot of what's going on. I still can find positives in them of course (the comic at the end of the general glory arc, drawn in a real scraggly style where guy fights the * checks notes * KTRROGARRX is so funny to me in so many ways. I enjoy it immensely.

The amount of jokes in the original run is initially what drew me to the series honestly. I don't like the ones that are in bad taste or very, VERY dated, but I don't mind the pop culture references or occasional dud. Imo the series does a fairly OK job of reigning the jokes in during the more serious moments.

And also, this is a side note, but the more I reread the original runs of JLl and the quarterlies, the less and less I find myself liking titles like formerly known as and the JLA classifieds. In my initial runthrough they just seemed to come off really mean spirited and bitter, but reading them again is like. It felt like the writers saw how everyone was perceiving this team and went "you want more of that? Fine, here. This is what you wanted isn't it?"

Thank you for the ask! Sorry it took me so long to answer, I had to really think about it + I ended up getting very busy immediately after lol! Thanks again!!

[bookwyrminspiration]

Okay! Rereading wings au because I can’t remember anything from the last time I read it!

Chapter 1 thoughts:

-The Neverseen letting them win is such a good concept, it takes the kind of chessmaster image Shannon’s given them in canon to a whole new level and I’m here for it!

-oh we got monsters already? How did the Neverseen create them? Did they create them? I have so many questions /pos

-Are the monsters maybe normal animals the Neverseen infected with a virus? That’s what the mushroom create is making me think of.

-oh they found where the monsters are coming from! This plan is going to go terribly horribly wrong and I am so excited

-Mindbubble is such a neat word and a cool concept I love it

-who is this kid? Why is she with the Neverseen?

-ooo monster room! These descriptions are so good, I can see the vats in my mind like a movie

-Oh I love this ending, it creates such a dramatic image and I’m excited to see where things go now!

(warning: I am very excitable when it comes to the wings au because people don't send asks about it often, so this got long as I take every opportunity to ramble that I can)

Excellent! This is a great way for me to also remember what happens because it's been a lot and the wings au is coming up on one year of consistent posts and some of the chapters I haven't looked at in months!

thank you! We haven't really seen the Neverseen or other enemies in the au aside from very briefly given that for a good while now the kotlcrew's enemy has been the monsters everywhere and also themselves, but I've always really liked the idea of them being more cunning than they are in canon. Not to say they aren't smart or secretive, but there's always this element of like...childish villains? to them. I don't know how to explain it. Where they're dramatic and have monologues and their mistake is explaining their plan at length, that kind of thing. Which isn't bad, I just think they could be elevated and more strategic and cold-blooded, so I tried to give them a sense of that while keeping parts of their personalities.

Also the idea of you thinking you've won and are finally safe after years only to find out that was all part of the enemies plan and they've been in control this whole time and you victories have just been given to you to convince you you were winning sounds super horrifying and I loved it.

yes! monsters from chapter one! I mean, they're a very central part of the story and also I love them so I wanted to include them as soon as possible. What's that one Guillermo del Toro quote? because I want to share it hang on. Here: "Since childhood I've been faithful to monsters. I've been saved and absolved by them because monsters are the patron saints of our blissful imperfections." Monsters and inhumanity are very important to me, and so capturing that and giving these horrible, awe-inspiring creatures a world where they could reign over it is very rewarding.

How they were created and by who is relevant and important to the story, but more than that I find monsters are the most ambiguous, understanding kinds of creatures.

Wait I'm getting off topic we're talking about the au. I can't straight up tell you how the monsters were made or what they are without spoiling things, but I love that you're asking questions! Though one that I can answer is that Sophie and her friends believe that the monsters were created and released on the world by the Neverseen and another group. the second group is represented by a broken chain and they don't know who or what they are, just that they're involved with the monsters.

Also I love that little mushroom guy so much. I originally wanted to draw a little sketch of it to go along with the chapter but it's been over a year since I wrote the description of him and I forgot a very important detail which is where?? the mouth is?? I know I mention it but my description isn't clear enough for myself, so unless someone else draws their interpretation of the small mushroom thing it will only exist mentally.

They did find where the monsters are coming from! It is going to go horribly wrong! it is very exciting. that's one of the things i love about the au: where it starts. Because the beginning of the wings au is the end of another story gone awry. it's the ending to an apocalypse story where everyone's been forced underground and are fighting monsters and where entire species are being killed (the gnomes) and the kotlcrew are trying to stop the investation. And they've become a solid unit, knowing each others minds, planning things. And the breeding facility in chapter one is their final battle. it's the climax of another story. In another story, that's where everything ends and winds down from there.

but I've made it the beginning. That story doesn't end well and I used it as the setting for something new. That's why the first chapter is so much more tense than some of the following, why it's faster, why it's more coordinated and specific. It's the climax of another story but without any build-up. Which was super fun to write btw.

And thank you! mindbubble was a word I came up with on a whim and wasn't sure whether or not I'd stick with it. I wanted a word unique to the au, and I kinda just stuck to a bubble theme after that. The mindbubble, healing bubble, probably more I'm forgetting. It was a moment where I also had to let the characters name it, as it's the word they use to refer to it. And given keefe is in the mix something a little more light hearted seemed appropriate.

as for the kid...well, lets just say that is not the last you will see of her! she pops up a few more times and is actually a key part of the story. Which happened entirely on accident. Originally she was just a throwaway character who existed to be a distraction so Sophie's group wasn't caught and also to give them a moral dilemma because she's just a kid. But then I think it was Ed who made a comment about her and wondering who she was and what her importance was and I went "oh. I can actually do a lot with her." That's why you may notice a change in her demeanor later on that doesn't fully match chapter one, which is because her personality and backstory was created after that scene where she screams and runs away. Still trying to make it smooth enough to be excusable, but it's fine!!

She actually fit perfectly into the story, so i'm very glad ed commented about her. I've got the main ideas for the au planned out already, but as I go and as people comment I keep finding ways to make it tie together and more detailed and it's super fun.

that's part of why I really appreciate comments so much!! You guys notice and latch onto things I wouldn't think of, and then I get to turn it into fun things in the story!! Like Linh being connected to dragons. That wasn't originally planned, but someone made a comment theorizing about Linh having dragon wings (might've been Synonym!) and i went...well she doesn't have dragon wings but I can do something with the dragon part.

I've getting distracted again oops!!

Monster room!! I think that was the first glimpse of the monsters and the horrors Sophie had been talking about mentally to give the reader background. And I'm glad you like the descriptions!! I think the imagery from chapter one might be my favorite because it just feels so poignant. I mean, it was the first introduction to everything. I had to give you all the details of what the world was like! I had to describe everything to give context. Later on in the series the state of the world has already been established and we have ideas on what the monsters are like so I'm more recycling descriptions, but that first chapter? it's all new and where i am establishing the things!! idk maybe it's just me but whenever I reread the first chapter I just get so caught up on the imagery I love it so much.

I'm glad you like the ending as well!! That marked the beginning of my evil cliffhangers, and I look back on it fondly. it was like...okay, the story this should've been has gone wrong, now I get to tell my story. And i have been telling it for the better part of a year now and it has been. So much fun! So thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters!!

[chrysalizzm]

Do you have fic recs or head canons? please ramble for paragraphs im bored and looking for something to read.

oh boy do i have some fic recs for you (and everyone who sees this), my friend! this one is quite long because there are a lot of fics i like and this isn’t all of them, so if you’d like more, you can check out my bookmarks page ^^

The Run and Go by Numanum 

“That’s not fair,” Bad protests. Dream raises an eyebrow at him and jerks his tied hands in emphasis, clearly saying that none of this is fair.

“Look, you keep running! Who runs if they’re not guilty?” Bad challenges, staring him down with obvious distrust from the generous distance of exactly five feet. It’s fair, as much as Dream hates to admit it; it’s not like he’s been the most honest hostage in the past, with all of his escaping and running and framing himself for his own murder, apparently.

“Only the good die young, and only the guilty run,” Technoblade chimes in, holding his own potato and sitting in the snow like it’s not cold at all.

A hot flash of irritation burns through him.

“Someone being chased?” he counters sarcastically, jerking his tied wrists up again to wave them in front of the group. Sapnap laughs so hard that he almost chokes on his potato, but it dies off when Dream gives him an icy stare.

Or: Dream is having a hard time, and the hunter just want to adopt him like a stray puppy that bites you at every opportunity.

multi-chapter, ongoing.

a manhunt with plot-style fic! exquisitely written, visceral in the emotions it evokes. it’s the kind of fic that makes me feel all shaky with anticipation, the kind that i have a physical reaction to; you can’t put it down.

pain. all-consuming pain. this one feels bad, man

and as he fell (you walked away) by Teahound

Once upon a time, there were three hunters.

They were good at what they did. If you wanted something-- or better yet, someone-- found, discovered, or destroyed, they were the people you asked. They didn’t have much to their name, besides a formidable reputation, but they were a team, and that was enough for them.

Once upon a time, there was a king in the forest.

He wore a mask, but it didn’t matter. That deep in the forest, in a hidden fortress, buried behind leaves and monsters and broken stone, no one could see his face anyway. He had been there a very long time, and he was alone.

Being a king can be a very lonely thing. So one day, the king left the fortress.

A Minecraft manhunt AU, with a fantasy twist. Dream is a cryptid, and Hunters are idiots.

multi-chapter (11), complete.

tea’s fic!! a manhunt-with-plot fic, featuring a forest spirit dream and circumstantial hunters and friendships that feel both intensely real and desperately melancholy because they can’t last.

or can they?

The Real World by Cinammonzoa and Fire_Fly464

"Ten, paces fire!"

Time stopped.

Tommy’s entire body went numb. He tried to open his mouth to say something, but his body was determined to keep him silent. His vision went dark, and he could no longer feel his headphones over his ears. The mouse in his hand. The slight breeze of his ceiling fan. For a few seconds, he couldn’t feel anything.

His senses came back to him all at once. The first thing Tommy noticed was the weight in his right hand -- a bow. His nostrils stung with the lingering scent of gunpowder. In front of him was a masked figure. Their right arm was bent, their elbow by their face. In their left hand was a bow, aiming directly at--

~~~

Aka Dream and Tommy get transported into the SMP world and have no idea what the fuck is happening

multi-chapter (23), complete

you’ve probably seen this one if you haunt the video blogging rpf/minecraft tags of ao3 often! an irl!dream and tommy replace their smp counterparts type of beat, very upbeat in dynamic and fun to keep pace with, great read.

staying alive (though the city is dead) by Alice_Not_In_Wonderland

"Damned if you do, damned if you don't," Schlatt smirks, his words lilting, almost song-like. His eyes seem to glow brighter. "Tell me, Dream, when did you realize that you could talk and talk and talk and no one would ever believe you?"

---

or: if dream's damned to be a villain in every story he's in, then he's going to show them exactly how much of one he can be

one-shot, complete.

the gratuitous greek mythology references are truly everything and this fic is such a good dissection of dream and schlatt’s motivations and how their goals intersect, and dream’s likening to cassandra really hits different 

Green & Gold by HognoseSnake

George’s legs ached.

His lungs felt tight and too small.

His breath was loud in his ears.

His pack bounced uncomfortably on his shoulders.

George, homeless and adrift, is an outlaw of the Mad King's reign. He'd spent the last two months being hunted across the wilderness at the fringe of society by a ruthless killer in a smiling mask and bright green coat. This, he understood.

What he didn't understand is why such a ruthless killer kept letting him go.

multi-chapter (8), complete. sequel ongoing.

a breathtaking pseudo-manhunt-with-plot fic, with george and dream running from a kingdom that wants them dead for perceived transgressions. this shit hurted, and the sequel hurts even worse ;-; snake please i beg

We’re Only Young series by ImperialKatwala

It's easy to forget amid the chaos and bloodshed how similar - and how young - Dream and Technoblade really are.

collection of both one-shots and ongoing multi-chapter fics.

((bangs on table)) please read this series it is dream and techno friendship fics that alternate between lighthearted and heartwrenchingly comforting and imperialkatwala’s characterisation of them and their respective groups of family and friends is so frickin’ good i read this series when i’m not having a good day and it never fails to make me crack a smile

kept promises and old ruins and names carved into stone by verecundiam

"Would you... would you want to stay here?" Bad wrings his hands, looking away. "Like, like actually stay? I know it's not, ah, not exactly comfortable, or all that homey, but I don't want you two to get hurt out there on your own, and I just... I think maybe you could stay? If you want?"

"That sounds nice," Sapnap says, because it does.

(Or: How four kids managed to build a family, against all odds.)

one-shot, complete.

muffinteers found family that makes me want to go to the smp writers and beg it to be made canon. unbelievably soft yet excellent at parsing out the younger counterparts of the four and creating backgrounds that feasibly form them into the people they grow up to be.

in the age of icons by BananasofThorns

“Yeah, keep digging,” Tommy crows.

The pickaxe hesitates on the downswing. The air shifts; Dream’s aura bursts into visibility, brilliant green and jagged. Ozone hums on Techno’s tongue and Bad stutters in the middle of his sentence. Up on the wall, silhouetted by the sun, Dream stands frozen and furious.

L'manberg messes with something it shouldn't. Techno watches the repercussions and tries not to laugh.

one-shot, complete.

i love deity aus (figures, i wrote one myself akjdfh), and this one hits. there’s something exquisitely delicate about how dream and the repercussions his godhood both on himself and on the people who are exposed to him in that moment of unbridled rage.

that's how we keep going (we make the best of things) by lieyuu

[ i can’t decide if this is heaven or hell. the walls keep closing in and we’re running out of space, but you’re pretty cute ]

“So, do you want to build a flower shop, a cottage, or a coffee shop?” Puffy asks, smiling like just Niki’s presence is enough to light up her world.

Niki looks at her, thinks, I want to bend nature to my will and weave tapestries in your name, says, “I think I might like the flower shop best.”

one-shot, complete.

a niki/puffy fic that crushed me in its hands in just six hundred words.  the delicate love and wonder and beauty of this fic killed me softly and i welcomed it. it’s girls in love rendered by lieyuu’s masterful hand, what more could you want

i need it to be known that as i was typing up my thoughts midnight love by girl in red started playing from my playlist if that’s not a shining endorsement i don’t know what is

did i ruin the moment? by itisjosh

Ranboo drags himself through the snow, burn wounds going up and down his body. His suit is crumpled, half of it discarded as he crawls along the ground. His eyes are firmly pressed shut, and he refuses to open them, just in case he sees him, Dream, again. Ranboo sobs as the snow melts on his skin, the water scalding him as it trickles down his arms and chest.

one-shot, complete.

it’s character death, i do need to put it out there because it felt like i was punched in the stomach at the end even though i knew. josh knows exactly how to drag his readers kicking and screaming into angst hell, as always - a ranboo is rescued by phil fic wherein ranboo ends up convincing himself that the only reason for his presence in the nearly-empty anarchist commune is because phil sees him as a placeholder for his sons ;-; pain

Frame The Halves, And Call Them Brothers by MusicallyActive

"Let's go!" Quackity roared. "Let's fucking go!"

The anvil dropped, and Techno reached for his totem of undying. This was going to hurt like a bitch.

Phil screamed something, and instantly a crushing force struck Technoblade's skull. It rattled him to the core, doused his vision in red, and then all he knew was black.

He gasped awake moments later to the sound of his communicator pinging softly at his bedside table, and when Technoblade opened his eyes, New L'manburg was nowhere in sight.

one-shot, complete.

a techno timeloop fic that shows off the unintentional cruelty of the children who run l’manberg and techno’s own inability to allow the people he tries so hard not to love to come to harm. techno’s rendered in painstaking detail; this one was cathartic in the best way.

on i go (move to move) by Aenqa

If you ask someone whether they’ve ever experienced real, severe physical pain, you’ll learn a lot from their response.

Techno knows what it means to be in pain. He’s accepted it as a necessary consequence of keeping his family safe. But when the pain he's experiencing starts to become too much to bear alone, it takes his family to show him what it might mean to feel better.

one-shot, complete.

chronic pain fic featuring sbi!! it’s really good - aenqa wrote chronic pain well, and incorporated respawn mechanics into it well, and the dynamic between sbi is impeccable.

Yellow and Blue and- by nic_takes_Ls (nic_L)

It’s another gorgeous day in New L’Manberg. Tubbo’s stilted streets of deep toned spruce and honey-touched oaks are warm under his feet from the sun, and a sign and a small banner proclaim the country’s name in front of his face. Wilbur is so happy to let the ‘L’ roll of his tongue as he says it, ‘Manberg’ was harsh and too guttural, but the two extra syllables make it something that could fit on a melody, a four-note beat he could set the pace of his unbeating heart to.

The citizens of New L’Manberg track him with cautious eyes at first, until Tubbo changes his eyes to slightly sad ones, listening along to Wilbur’s rambles, warming up to the truly soot-grey sight of his face and sunshine yellow of his ever-present sweater. The rest of the population soon follow, laughing at Wilbur’s strange innocence and telling him what he’s done with only a little bit of spite in a pitying mask and fixing their mouths in a line when he suddenly forgets what he’s doing or stares into space or laughs at nothing.

But all the people who get sad when Wilbur starts laughing after shock-still silence are dumb.

Because Wilbur’s not laughing at nothing.

one-shot, complete.

a ghostbur fic from quite early on! it includes references to wilbur and schlatt’s older videos/smp experiences and has a super interesting take on the nature of wilbur’s amnesia i enjoyed this fic a lot ^^

east of eden series by subwaywalls

Philza protects his home.

(An angel with a singing blade of fire guards the gates to paradise.)

two one-shots, one ongoing multi-chapter fic.

READ IT READ IT READ IT. the eoe series is exquisite in both content and presentation, centering around sbi and the powers they all respectively have but also bringing in people like grian and dream, and subwaywalls is a master of packaging her words ever so delicately to create an experience that is ethereal.

[iamanartichoke]

I like to follow because you have very smart takes and usually agree with them. I try not to judge a show before watching it, but not gonna lie that seeing some of the scenes that have been released have kind of put a damper on my excitement. I don't if it is all the discourse that is happening, some of the manerism tom is employing, the fact that they're once again making loki the but of the joke, I don't know... I hope the show surprises us when it comes out!

also I 100% agree with you about the scene where they take his clothes off and I like any chance to see tom naked! it was just uncomfortable.

Thanks so much for the compliment - I’ve been feeling very out of sorts around here lately, and really questioning my takes (bc sometimes this fandom makes me feel like I’m existing in an alternate universe) so it’s reassuring to know they’re appreciated by some. 

I agree with you; I’ve been maintaining that I’m approaching the series with cautious optimism, but my excitement/hopes have definitely been dampered a bit as we start to get more footage. I don’t know. I already know I won’t be able to resist watching it at all, and it may turn out to be really good (or, at least, not horrible), but I can already tell I’m going to have to try to emotionally divorce myself a bit from my expectations and my interpretation of Loki and my attachment to his pre-Ragnarok characterization in order to reconcile with the fact that the MCU is taking him in a different direction.

Otherwise, if it’s really bad, I might rage quit the fandom and I don’t really want to - I like writing and reading fics and engaging with people here and so on. Like, this is my community, for better or for worse. (I don’t have a lot going for me tbh.) But, yeah, some mental/emotional work may have to be done. 

One thing I keep thinking is that it really does all hinge on the characterization for me - I’m not super picky about plots and will take pretty much whatever they give us there. I also enjoy a lot of objectively bad tv shows with really stupid plots (I love Reign, for example, but it being on the CW lent itself to a lot of ridiculousness and I just tend to ignore those parts and focus on the scenes/storylines where Mary is amazing), so. If this show turns out bad, once some time has passed and it’s not so fresh, I will probably come to treat it the way I generally do Ragnarok - take what I like and ignore the rest and just focus on using it to build on my own interpretations. 

This was a lot of rambling but thank you for the ask! I hope the show surprises us as well, but it’s like they say  - hope for the best, prepare for the worst. 

[skyemisc]

Silver Ceremonial Robes Translation

My translation may not be 100% accurate but it should give the general gist ;;;;

Under the cut!

EP1:

“I want to return their kindness”

Courtyard

Idia: Ahh~ I don’t wanna. Why does the magical shift tournament have to be on TV?

Idia: They show my face in some pretty shameful replays. I’d like to avoid that…

Idia: Right now is 7:00PM… The school store should just barely be open.

Idia: I’ll buy a welding mask, then tomorrow I can hide my face the entire day…!

(rustle rustle)

Idia: Hii!! S-S-Something moved--!

Silver: You there! State your name at once!

Idia: Hii?! I-I-I-I’m no one! Ah, Ahhhh, I’m not anyone suspicious…!

Idia: I-I-I-I’m Ignihyde’s I-Idia Shroud!!

Idia: So, please, put down that baton in your hand…!

Silver: Ahh… Idia-senpai. That would imply you are not anyone suspicious then.

Idia: (whisper) I-I think the one popping out of nowhere brandishing a baton is a lot more suspicious though…

Silver: Anyway, what are you doing wandering around here at this hour? Usually, you’re at your dorm eating dinner at this time right?

Idia: I-I was on my way to go buy a welding mask…

Silver: Do you need it for a mechanical engineering-related experiment?

Idia: Urgh… Well what about you, w-w-w-why are you walking around in ceremonial robes…!

Silver: These clothes are most suitable for slipping around during the twilight.

Silver: It inhibits my mobility, but due to certain circumstances I don’t have my dormitory clothes available.

Idia: Eh….Eh? Like a stealth move?

Idia: S-Silver, are you actually some sort of ninja?

Silver: Hmm…. What’s a ninja?

Idia: They’re rumored to come from a far East country. They are people who conduct covert actions, intelligence assessment, and other dirty work.

Idia: Have you never heard of shuriken or fire jutsus before?

Idia: It’s a popular theme for anime and in games their jobs are on-par with that of samurai!

Silver: Idia-senpai… You’re suddenly talkative.

Idia: Ah… Sorry ‘bout my otaku rambling…

Silver: I understand you explanation… But unfortunately I’m not this ‘ninja’ you speak of.

Idia: Seeing you deny that with such a straight face kinda makes me embarrassed on my part though…

Idia: Wait… Silver, what are you aiming at, wondering the courtyard at night…?

Silver: Tomorrow is the Magical Shift Tournament. The school will be open, and immoral people will be among the crowd of normal people from different countries.

Silver: Undoubtedly, assassins will take advantage of the crowds to slip in and look for any possible openings.

Silver: The safety of Malleus-sama is of the utmost priority.

Idia: That’s overreacting! Besides, Malleus has a strong high rank cheat, isn’t that overprotecting him?

Silver: I serve Malleus-sama, who will someday become king of the fairies and rule over the Valley of Thorns.

Silver: Before coming to this school, if he took one step out of the castle, he had guards with him.

Idia: Hmmmm…

Silver: If by any chance something happened to Malleus-sama, there would be diplomatic discourse

Silver: This is in no way overprotection.

Idia: W-W-What’s with this heavy scaled topic…

Idia: I’ve only heard about assassins and diplomatic discourse in games though…?

Silver: This is no game. This is our reality.

Idia: W-W-W-W-Wow…! There’s always, always been lines I wanted to try reciting  during these times…!

Silver: …? If you want to say it, why not go ahead?

Idia: Nah, if you were to say it it’d probably fit but if I tried I’d probably look like some sort of wannabe.

Silver: I see… I don’t quite understand it all, but I apologize.

Silver: Well then, I will return to my station. Be careful not to get mistaken as anyone suspicious.

Silver: Currently, I, along with Sebek and Lilia-senpai are patrolling the school after all.

Idia: R-Roger… I’ll follow your example and use my stealth mode where I can. L-Later.

Silver: Yes, see you.

Silver: …I should meet with Sebek and Lilia-senpai and let them know about Idia-senpai wandering around the courtyard area.

Silver: It’ll be a huge commotion around the area if he runs into Sebek.

EP2:

Courtyard

Idia: *sigh*… Finally class is over. Really, today’s weather is too nice… It’s rough for a shut-in like me…

Idia: On days like these, I’ll quickly confine myself and return to my room and complete my daily quests.

???: ……

Idia: …Hm? Someone there?

Idia: S-S-S-S-Silver?! Why’s he collapsed in the courtyard?!

(leans in…)

Idia: Oh… maybe he’s just sleeping…? Sheesh, I was so surprised I took damage…

Idia: …Though, he’s got some good features. No doubt he’d be popular~

Idia: His face when he’s sleeping looks like that of a prince, so dazzling. There’s even small animals around him…

Idia: He seems so different now compared to the day before the Magical Shift Tournament

Idia: I was scared of getting hit with that baton too…

Idia: Now seeing him like this, I wouldn’t believe he would be the type who likes to get involved with anything.

Silver: Hm… Nn…

Idia: Hii! I-I-Is he w-waking up?!

Silver: *yawn*… I thought I sensed someone. It was you, Idia-senpai…

Idia: Y-Y-Y-Y-You got it all wrong! I wasn’t at all staring at you while you slept!

Silver: ? Please settle down a bit before you speak. Everytime we’ve met you lurch in surprise.

Idia: That reaction was more due to my anti-socialness…

Idia: B-B-B-Before you were brandishing that baton. Anyone would be shocked from that.

Silver: Now that I hear it aloud that sounds only natural… I apologize for my actions last night before the Magical Shift Tournament.

Idia: Urgh… I feel bad seeing you sit there and apologize so sincerely…

Idia: S-Silver, you’re a bit of a strange one… To have such students who are so straightforward and loyal…

Silver: …Is that so?

Idia: Y-Yeah. To go to such an extent to go on night watch for their dorm leader, the students at Ignihyde would not ever do that.  

Idia: …Hwah! M-M-M-Maybe The Dorm leader Malleus at Diasomnia dorm is one to rule with an iron fist?

Idia: I-If that’s the case, I can understand. Are you forced to do stuff like the night watches?

Silver: Such acts of reign of terror is not necessary at Diasomnia dorm. Just as the other night, the night watches of are our own volitions.

Silver: I’m not sure what all goes on with the students at Ignihyde dorm but, I will do what I can for the one I’ve sworn my loyalty to.

Silver: Right now, the reason I am alive today is all because of my father and Malleus-sama.

Silver: I want to someday return their kindness towards me.

Idia: Ohhh… The expression on your face was so cool, and for an otaku like me, I could feel the passion from your tone.

Idia: I can kinda sympathize.

Silver: In addition, I prefer to avoid any trouble for Malleus if any conflict were to arise between the human land and Valley of Thorns.

Silver: My power is nothing fancy, but I want to do what I can.

Silver: I was told many times by my father to avoid any warfare growing up…

Idia: Ohh… Such profound words.

Idia: That ‘father’, he must be a strong man with a steel-like body and mind.

Silver: Yes. My father was a guard who served as a lord of the Valley of Thorns.

Silver: I’ve heard he earned the queen’s favor due to his ability to fight in battle.

Silver: At this time he is retired, but he was a warrior who has been rewarded medals due to his actions of throwing himself into battle multiple times.

Silver: I’m sure I cannot begin to imagine the harsh experiences he had…

Idia: W-What is this. This is starting to sound like an open world RPG…

Silver: Open world?

Idia: I-Internet thing. Sorry, it’s something you commoners wouldn’t understand.

Silver: No, I know about online games. My father often stays up late to play such games.

Idia: Hm?! Your father just suddenly turned degenerate?!

Silver: My father has always liked those sort of trends. Recently he’s been getting into MagiCam it seems.

Idia: E-Ehhh?! He just went from a retired strong Royal guard to crumble down from there…!

Lilia: Heeey Silver. What are you doing sauntering around there?  

Lilia: You promised to accompany me after school for an uber difficult quest.

Silver: Fath… Lilia-senpai. Sorry. I’ll be there right away.

Lilia: Hm…? I was wondering who it was there, and it happens to be Idia. You two are a rare combination.

Idia: Ah, ah… L-L-L-Lilia, this is, uh…

Silver: I had dozed off here earlier and met him by chance.

Silver: Idia-senpai, see you around.

Idia: Y-yeah, see you…

Idia: …Talking with Silver about his dad was interesting.

Idia: Even though he was an honored warrior from the Valley of thorns he’s a heavy internet user and uses MagiCam lolol

Idia: If someone like him really does exist, even me, who hates people, would wanna see him with my own eyes…

Diasomnia Dorm – Hallway

Lilia: I’ve gathered materials to implement my new items. Next week is this season’s event. I’ll be so busy~

Silver: You really seem like you’re having fun when talking about those games.

Lilia: When I was a youngin we didn’t have these online games.

Lilia: Dwellers from all around the globe can cross borders for entertainment. It has become quite peaceful times.

Silver: That’s true. For you to live in a peaceful time where you can enjoy games…

Silver: We definitely must protect it.

Lilia: …Look at you talk so cheekily

Lilia: Now then, let’s ride on that sentiment there Silver and dive into my games to my heart’s content. They’ll be no sleeping tonight~

Silver: P-Please give me a break, father…

[skylerfurmaniac-deactivated]

Rules and Description :P

Hi! I"m Skylerfurmaniac! Or Skyler/Sky for short (if you wanna ask me a question). And welcome to my blog (also sorta ask blog but it isn't really much of one anymore, but you can still do it! I love getting asks)! This blog is where I reign and spread my chaos and love to people lol. I'm just a chaotic little rainbow furbean >:3! My pronouns are they/them, and I'm omnisexual/romantic!!

I LOVE IF YOU MAKE ART OF ME OR MY OC'S OR MY SPAMTON YOU HAVE FULL PERMISSION TO DO IT, NO NEED TO ASK I LOVE ANY ART THAT IS FOR ME <3

Rules of the blog:

things you WILL get ban for:

NSFW asks or stuff that are similar. You can make jokes, but nothing too weird

Being rude to any community in the asks. Such as furry community, lgbtqia+, or black etc.

Asking for personal information

faking to be someone famous and try to make them look bad/ if you start to not respect my distance or stuff. If you aren't my friend and start asking for a lot of stuff or stuff I don't share with strangers

pls, if you want to vent to me or something, you can dm me, but pls don't do it in the asks or send like self harm photos

And that's everything! If you follow these, then you will have a very fun time here! I will make sure to respect everyone who asks something in this blog, but I may tease you, just a warning.

*BYE!!

Edit: I kinda forgot to put some stuff about myself, soooo

Hi! You already know my name and pronouns, But I want to put some personality stuff in here

I also will not be doing commissions, too much work for me right now. But, if you want, I love to do an art trade! But at some moments, I may not be able to due to what's going on, or I have too many art trades.

Secondly,

BRO HE'S COOL (and cute) OKAY

And thirdly, I have a second blog that interacts more with @drowninnoodles, @thenocturnenarrator, @tranquil-slaughterhouse, @ludrii-alt, & more! Some people didn't really like what I was posting with them, So I made an alt. account. If you want to follow that one, it's called @hellagang

edit:

I really like making new friends, so don't be shy to ask!

Also, tell me if you like picrew, cus i do them here and there, and I would like to tag you!

link to all my art repost! (lol don't use that its kinda weird, I have an art tag now XD)

Edit: lol I forgot about my tags I know this is a newer edit then the next one, but I feel like it should be put here

sooo my tags!

#skyler's art: my art!

#sky's chaotic reblogs: my reblogs from other people lol

#sky's random rambles: just random stuff I say

#sky's serious reblogs: the more serious of reblogs

#not my art: reblogs I make that aren't my art

#skyler/Skyler art!!!!/skyler's ref/FANART!: lol art of my persona that other people made of me or stuff that I made of my persona :D

#skyler's gremlin mode activated: IM REALLY HAPPY AND EXCITED OR HYPERACTIVE OF THIS POST AND I REALLY LOVE XDD

yeah :3

Edit:

immmm just going to add these

(PLATONICLY)

anyways, feel free to use these!

edit:

I made a server for tumblr undertale/deltarune artists!

my discord username is skylerfurmaniac, dm me if ya wanna join! (And if you want, you can add tumblr friends!)

also, that's if the link doesn't work (which is it doesn't can someone tell me pls?)

anyways

here is the link!!

[managedmischiefs]

north//chapter three

here’s the new chapter!! please enjoy and leave me your feedback! as always, let me know if you want to be on the taglist by sending me an ask :)

genre: fluff, angst if u squint

pairing: season nine spencer reid x female oc

warnings: none

word count: 11.3k

SPENCER

The elevator doors pop open on the sixth floor on a bright, sunny day, and the smile on my face is the biggest it’s ever been and I don’t think there’s any way I’ll be able to wipe it off. This morning, Amelia confessed that she had never seen Doctor Who before, and then she encouraged me to ramble on and on about my favorite parts and favorite characters and she asked questions and my smile never went away, even as we said our goodbyes and through the dirty train ride. But having seen Amelia will make my day better and the walk to my desk seems so much brighter and happier than normal.

"Good morning, Spencer," Alex smiles at me as she passes my desk, setting her bag down and sending me a wave. 

"Morning," I return her smile, taking the last sip of the coffee from my cup, the one from my meeting with Amelia, giving it one more longing look before tossing the cup in the trash.

Alex watches me closely as she sheds her jacket and scarf, draping it over her chair. "Weather's rough, right? It's getting really cold,"

I spin in my chair and my eyes trace up to where the wall and the ceiling meet, staring out the windows there. "Yeah, it's pretty rough out there,"

"Christmas is soon though," a smile comes to her face as she sits and takes a breath. "Do you have any plans yet? Do you think you'll go to see your mom?"

I shrug my shoulders and push away the sharp pain in my chest at the mention of my mom and at the mention of such a joyous holiday that’s supposed to be filled with friends and family. But instead, I’ll do the same things I’ve done the last few years- sit by myself at home and reread a book from my shelf. "Not sure yet. Haven't really thought about it,"

Alex hums, not pleased with that answer, and spins her chair around to face her desk. "Okay, well, don't wait too long or else you won't have any plans, and nobody should be left alone on Christmas," I choose not to respond. I just turn my chair back to face my desk and get to work.

"Good morning, wonderful crime fighters!" Garcia exclaims, bounding into the bullpen as Morgan holds the door open for her. Her bubbly attitude brings JJ and Rossi over to my desk area and even though I was trying to avoid any conversation, I spin in my chair to join the circle that forms. "I've brought cookies to lighten the mood that this horrible, horrible cold weather is reigning down on you BAU-tiful people," she grins happily at her recycled pun as she pops the top off the tin in her hand. Everyone, except for me because group food is not and has never been my jam, reaches their hands in and grabs some cookies, mumbling a few thank yous to our dear friend.

"So what's up with everyone?" Morgan asks, glancing around at the team. "We're always together but we don't always get to talk about our lives. So, come on, I know someone's got something,"

There's a moment of silence between the team where everyone wants someone else to speak up first, especially me. I wish I could duck my head down and hide under my desk because I know they will all want to ask me about what’s going on in my life and I'm not ready to tell them yet, and I’m not the best liar. I want to keep Amelia a secret. I want to keep her for myself. But if I try to make myself smaller in any way, then a team of profilers will notice immediately and I'll get called out. It's a lose-lose for me. And maybe it's irrational to want to keep her my secret. Last time I did that, it didn't end well and I’ve never forgiven myself for that. But even still, I want to keep Amelia for myself.

"Well," JJ laughs when nobody speaks up, "Will and I took Henry to the zoo for the first time over the weekend and he absolutely loved it,"

That brings everyone into a conversation and I'm glad I can let my mind wander off to Amelia. She always looks beautiful, but she looked especially stunning today. She wore plaid jeans with a black sweater tucked in, a black knit scarf, and her normal black boots. Of course, she had a black peacoat on to shield her from the weather, and the strap of her camera was slung over her shoulder instead of around her neck. Her hair was up in this messy braided updo that I don't even want to spend time wondering how long it took her to execute. Her nail color changed for the millionth time, now to a pale blue. Her necklace was almost completely hidden behind her scarf but I noticed that she wears the same one every day, a small butterfly. But today, there was just something about her smile and her laugh that made me feel extra warm inside. It made me feel like I wanted to scoop her up and bring her back to my apartment and never let her leave.

"Reid? Hey, Reid!" There's suddenly a hand snapping in front of my face, bringing me out of yet another one of my daydreams.

Everyone has vacated the area and Alex is crouched in front of me, brows furrowed in confusion. I lift my head, blinking a few times to bring myself back to reality. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Alex tilts her head, resting her arms on her legs. "Are you okay? You haven't been yourself lately. You've been a little bit distracted," she sighs and I can tell that she's wondering if she should say something. She ultimately makes a decision in her head to not say it and instead just waits for me to answer. But her holding back her thoughts frustrates me. I thought we were close so why would she hold anything back from me? When has she ever held anything back from me?

"Say what you were gonna say," I insist, sitting up more in my chair. "You were gonna say something. Say it,"

Alex chews on her lips and lets out a long breath, glancing around to make sure that nobody is too close. "Well," she hesitates one more time, "I know that you're still hurting about Maeve and-"

"No," I cut her off before she can even finish her sentence, "it's not about that. It's-" I push my hair out of my face as my breath gets caught in my throat. I take a replenishing breath and shake my head, turning back to the paperwork on my desk, "I'm fine, okay? I promise. Thanks for, uh, looking out for me,"

"Maybe you should consider going to therapy," Alex is clearly not ready to let this conversation go.

"I'm fine," I say yet again, giving her a tight-lipped smile, not even glancing her way again.

I hear Blake sigh and then walk around, seeing her sit down at her desk. There's part of me that feels bad for being so secretive to my closest friends. But I want to keep Amelia for myself. The team likes to know everything and they like to bring up significant others all the time. I don't want Amelia brought up like that. I don't want Morgan teasing me about her, or Garcia insisting on a double date, or JJ wanting to know how we met. But besides, Amelia isn't even my girlfriend. Right now, she's just a girl that I get coffee with before work. I wish she was more, but she's not.

Garcia comes back into the bullpen, holding a hoard of IPads in her arms and one case file for me. "It's case time, my loves!"

There’s a collective sigh that falls over the group as everyone pushes themselves out of their seats and towards the round table room, ready to endure another day of sadness. There’s no good day to get cases but really, there couldn’t be a worse time to get a case. Amelia and I ran out of time this morning and her story about the time her and her best friend got lost in California on a spring break vacation got cut short, and she promised to finish it tomorrow. She also swore that I could tell her all about my time at CalTech and about my favorite classes, all while she lets me fiddle around with whichever camera she happens to bring that day, even though I could possibly break it. I mean, she couldn’t get any more amazing. Technology is not my strong suit, whether it’s a computer or a phone or even a camera, but she’s still going to let me tinker with it. I didn’t think that she could get any better. 

After the catastrophe with Maeve, I never thought I'd ever have feelings for another person again. I thought that I'd die alone and loving Maeve. I thought she was my soulmate. I thought that the connection we had was one in a million and that I would never connect with someone on a romantic level again. Seeing her die right in front of me was like no other death I had ever witnessed and nobody, including and especially me, thought I would ever recover from that.

As much as I don't want to admit it and as adamantly as I will deny it, I've been through a lot. Childhood aside, my work at the FBI has been grueling. I've been taken hostage, I've mourned the death of my best friend who actually wound up to be alive and I’ve mourned the death of my unit chiefs wife, I've conquered drug addiction and two relapses alone, I’ve spent months mulling over the death of my girlfriend, and I've seen more death, destruction, and horror than anyone ever should.

It's unfair, really. All I wanted to do with my life and with my career was to help people and do something bigger than myself, but in turn, I've ruined myself. And after everything I've seen and how it has changed me, I’ve been expecting to work myself to death and die alone. I'm a loose cannon and it's obvious. I try to keep myself reined in, but I know that won't last for long. The years that I’ve spent at the FBI have imprinted on my brain and I thought that Maeve would be my refuge, but she was ripped away from me. Then and there, I knew that I would never love again. 

But then Amelia waltz's into my life. She comes bouncing in with her black heels, vintage cameras, tea bags, nose piercing, beautiful smile, and melodious laugh. She makes me feel like a normal person. She doesn't treat me like an FBI agent, or like someone who has endured the traumas that I have, and maybe that's because I haven't told her about any of my trauma, but I intend to keep it that way for as long as I can. Amelia comes laughing into my life with her denim skirts that aren't appropriate for the cold weather, curly blonde hair wrapped in patterned scarves or tied back in scrunchies, love for red wine, entrancing blue eyes, and her affinity for strawberries.

It's impossible to not fall in love with her and I hate myself for that. She makes it incredibly easy, so maybe it's not my fault that I can't get her out of my head. Maybe it's not my fault that I look at the empty spot on my desk and wonder what it would be like to have a picture of her there. Maybe it's not my fault that I hold her pinky in mine for far too long when we say our goodbyes. I wish I could blame my feelings all on her. I wish I could blame Amelia for how fast I'm falling for her.

I fall in love with the energy she radiates. I fall in love with the way she speaks of her creative process while painting a new piece or drawing a new picture. I fall in love with the way she claims she has a foolproof formula for finding hidden treasures in any given thrift store. I fall in love with the way she always has a new story to tell yet listens to every word I have to say. She speaks with such passion and fire in her eyes that it draws me in. Amelia has even taken to setting an alarm on her phone to make sure I leave on time for work and every few days, she makes sure to show up before I do so that she can order both of our drinks so that it's not always me ordering for her and "wasting my money on her hot, flavored water."

Amelia and I keep up our morning coffee meetings for two months. We meet as much as we can, only taking the time off when I'm not away on a case. It's actually normalizing my sleep schedule too and I'm getting more sleep than I have in two years- or since Maeve died. When these meetings started, I used to not be able to sleep out of pure excitement of knowing I'd be able to see Amelia again. But then she started to text me the night before, sometimes to remind me to set an alarm so I'm not late or to remind me to bring a magic trick to show her (magic tricks are now common occurrences in the mornings) or to just tell me that she's looking forward to seeing me tomorrow. It’s always an odd sensation to get that third text because most people aren’t usually excited to see me.

The word date never surfaced in any of our conversations. I'm not sure if any of these meetings would be considered a date. Typically, dates happen at night, but these coffee meetings are happening bright and early in the morning. And maybe I'm too scared to even bring up the word date because then that will solidify what we're doing, if we even are doing anything. I'm too scared to admit that I'm falling way too hard and way too fast for Amelia.

But as terrified as I am of the way that I feel about Amelia, I wish so desperately that I wasn’t. I wish I could climb to the roof of my apartment building and scream at the top of my lungs that I’m falling in love and that I want everyone to know. I want to be able to see her outside of the confines of a tiny cafe just a block away from my apartment. I want to be able to see her out on the town, laughing and bouncing on her toes in the adorable way that she does. I want to do anything else in the world with her besides just sitting and drinking tea or coffee. I want to know even more about her. I want to know absolutely everything. I need to know everything.

ONE WEEK LATER

SPENCER

"So you got shot in the knee?"

"Yeah. The doctors told me that I might never walk without a cane again,"

"I'd like to see you with a cane," Amelia snorts, tucking her face behind her cup of tea as she succumbs to a fit of giggles. The sight makes me laugh too, trying to hide my joy behind my cup of coffee. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. It's just-" she takes a long breath to calm herself, and, with a giant smile, she continues, "an FBI agent with a cane? I can't picture it,"

"Well, I wouldn't be allowed in the field. As much as I thrive in the police departments, I love being in the field. It gives you a rush, you know?"

"Mm, no. I don't know," Amelia laughs, "but I can imagine what you're talking about. An adrenaline rush. I've never caught a bad guy in action like you do. I mean, the closest I've ever come to that is catching one of my siblings stealing cookies late at night,"

A fond memory comes to mind, one involving a dinosaur-shaped cookie jar and a little hand. "I've caught my godson doing the same,"

"So, Spencer," Amelia's voice is lighter as she moves away from the previous topic of me taking a bullet in the field. She shimmies her shoulders just a little bit, then gestures to the Christmas drawings on the window. "Do you have any plans for Christmas next week?"

Oh, the dreaded question. Each of my team members had asked me that during our case last week and I had to lie every single time. I don't want them to feel bad for me when I tell them I don’t have any plans and I’ll be spending Christmas alone. Alex might try to invite me to dinner with her family, and JJ would probably do the same and swear that Henry had been asking about his godfather, but it's just out of pure pity. I don't need any more pity from my team.

"Um," I have to keep my voice from cracking as I drown out myself in a sip of coffee, "no,"

"No?" Amelia repeats, but her face doesn't change at all, not like she’s sad or she’s pitying me. "Me either. I told you, my family's in Texas and I'd only be able to go out there for two days. So as much as I'd love to go, it doesn't really make sense, you know?"

"Yeah, that makes sense. My mom is in Las Vegas so I know what you mean,”

Amelia looks down at her cup of tea, fiddling with the teabag. "You know, if you don't have anything to do on Christmas, maybe we could spend the day together?" She suggests, glancing up at me with a nervous smile. "I was planning on spending the day alone but if you also don't have anything to do, maybe we could do something together," she goes quiet for a moment and I wait, wondering if she's finished with her request. Or maybe it’s just that I’m speechless and I have absolutely nothing to say in response to that request. Yeah, that’s more likely. She, again, looks down at her cup and I can see her fingers shaking slightly as she toys with the teabag. "And besides, I love our little coffee dates but it'd be nice to see you outside of here,"

And there it is. It all comes out with just those few sentences. Not only does Amelia see these meetings as dates, but she wants to see me outside of the cafe. She wants to spend Christmas with me, a day that you usually spend with your family or your closest friends. She was so nervous to ask me about this that her hands are shaking. When has this ever happened? Usually I'm the anxious one. I'm the one here who does the nervous laughing and fumbles over my words and taps my feet and fiddles with my hair. She's usually the one who takes charge of the conversation and laughs louder and initiates our pinky hold when we have to say goodbye. Being anxious is my thing and if Amelia is taking that over, then that must mean that this request took a lot to say.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," she adds quickly before hiding, again, behind a sip of her tea.

I’ve let myself hold back with Amelia for far too long- for two whole months. I’ve gone two months without growing some balls and asking her out and I can’t handle it anymore. I need to see her with a different background behind her other than a tan leather booth. So I don’t give myself a moment to think or stress before I speak. "I'd love to," 

Amelia's eyes dart up to me and her smile starts to grow. "Really?" I nod wordlessly, too scared that I'll say something dumb and ruin it if I open my mouth. "I would've thought you'd say no," The alarm on Amelia's phone goes off, telling us that it's time for me to leave for work. She gives me a sad smile and silences it, chewing on her lip. "Time for you to go. You've got people to save, Dr. Reid,"

The two of us stand and wrap ourselves in our coats and scarves before heading out the door, into the bitter, cold wind. Amelia turns on her heel and holds out her pinky to me. I switch my coffee to my left hand and wrap my right pinky around her, watching her nose start to go pink from the weather surrounding us. Amelia smiles, and the timer in my head starts to run, counting up the seconds we stand in front of each other and just smile. We’re already standing here longer than yesterday but not as long as Tuesday two weeks ago. And the longer we stand here, the pinker Amelia’s nose gets, and the more my heart melts.

"Get warm soon," I tell her softly, worried that if I speak too loud, I’ll ruin the moment.

"You too," she smiles, wrapping her finger even tighter around mine as a way to tell me not to leave just yet. "I know you'll let me know if you have a case. But if you do," she lets out a breath, dropping her smile until her dimples disappear, "get home before Christmas."

///

I inhale deeply and brush my fingers through my hair, trying to make it seem somewhat presentable as I turn the corner to Amelia's apartment, double-checking that I'm at the right one. I smooth down my sweater and check that my converse are tied twice before knocking on the door. I can hear music from inside her apartment but I can't tell exactly what the song is yet, but based on what today is, I can only assume it’s a Christmas song.

I wait patiently for a moment behind a closed door, still second-guessing my slightly more casual outfit of converse, jeans, and a Christmas sweater. And after only a minute I'm convinced that Amelia has backed out and doesn't want me around for this sacred holiday, and I’m almost convince o turn around and leave. Maybe I could walk home and find a bookstore and get some takeout. I'm about to do just that and I’m mentally mapping out the best route home when the door swings open and Amelia stands there with her stunning smile.

"Hi, Spencer!" She exclaims, popping the door all the way open and letting me feel the heat that radiates from the inside. "Come in, please," Relief washes over me as I step inside her warm apartment, my eyes darting around the walls and decor of her home. "You can just put your stuff anywhere. It doesn't really matter to me. Make yourself at home. Be comfortable," I recognize the song now as It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas, playing from her beloved record player that I’ve heard a surprising amount about. She bought it when she first moved to Virginia and it was the first thing she bought for her apartment, before she even bought a bed or food or utensils.

I pull my messenger bag off and set it beside the door, ridding myself of my peacoat and my scarf, hanging them up on the coatrack. Amelia is still standing beside me but before I take the time to admire her like I usually do, I really stop to look at her apartment. It's exactly how I pictured it to be. It reflects her personality perfectly.

The walls are comprised of dark brick and there are different pieces of artwork scattered along the walls of her entire apartment, like stray photographs and polaroids put up with wash tape, or a canvas painting in a frame, and a floral tapestry behind the television. To my left is a huge shelf of books and records followed by a wall full of picture frames with pictures I can only assume are of her family and friends. To the right of the door is a cozy looking living room with a tv and the active record player, and a fireplace with a log already lit. Beside the living room is the kitchen, and across from the kitchen is a set of floating stairs that leads up to what I presume is Amelia's bedroom. In front of the stairs is a door out to a small balcony overlooking the city.

"Hey," Amelia reaches over and pokes my shoulder, laughing, "stop profiling my apartment. I cleaned up for you, there can't be too much for you to judge,"

"Profiling isn't actually judging, per se," I blurt out facts before I can stop myself. "Profiling is actually just noticing behavior,"

Amelia crosses her arms over her chest, etching on a smile. "Sometimes I wonder how your head isn't physically bigger with all that information you've got stored up in there. Really, it keeps me up at night sometimes," she says quickly, and then rolls her eyes at herself. She gestures towards the kitchen, "Well, I've got- oh, Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas,” I echo, following her into her kitchen, trailing just a step behind her.

As she walks in front of me, I get the chance to admire her. Today, she's decided to wear a black and white plaid tweed skirt with a red knit turtleneck tucked into it. Her legs are bare otherwise but she's wearing dark wool socks with a pattern on them, almost identical to the ones I’m wearing. Her hair is down in curls and flowing down to her waistline, but there's a green clip on the left side of her head that's holding back some of her hair. Her face is glowing, like usual, and her nose and ear piercings are in, like usual. It takes me a moment to realize how much smaller she is now that she's not wearing the heels she always has on. I'd peg her at around 5'2" and that's a major difference with me at about 6'1”. But even though I’ve observed countless outfits of hers, she's just as beautiful today as she is every other day.

"So I thought that, since it's only noon, we could make some Christmas cookies," she suggests, showing me her kitchen island full of cookies and bags and ingredients. "I have ingredients for quite a lot of cookies because I meant to make them myself but never got around to it. I have ingredients for gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies and oatmeal cookies and probably way more,"

"Sounds good to me. I like all of those,” The thought of making all those cookies with Amelia sounds much better than sitting and doing nothing. I don’t have time to make cookies like this on my own and I didn’t get to have any of Penelope’s, so making cookies with Amelia sounds like the perfect way to spend Christmas.

Amelia sits down at a barstool and gestures for me to sit beside her, and it’s a weird sensation, for a split second, to be sitting beside her instead of across from her. She reaches for a bag of flour and a bowl, but her hand stops midair when she looks over at me and a smile breaks out on her face. "I like your sweater,"

I glance down at my sweater, just shrugging at my own appearance as if I wasn’t freaking out about it ten minutes ago. "It's just a sweater," It’s one that I’ve had for as long as I can remember and one that could probably pass as ugly, but it has a pattern with snowflakes and stripes and reindeer. I almost didn’t wear it because I thought that maybe Amelia would think it was ugly.

"But Spencer, I always see you in your work clothes. You're always wearing sweater vests and button-ups. You're still wearing jeans and converse but the sweater is a change. I like it, that's all,"

She turns her back to me to grab something else and her compliment makes me chew on the inside of my cheek. I wipe my hands on my pants before I take a deep breath. You can do it, Spencer. You grew enough balls to accept her Christmas invitation. You can do this. "I like your outfit," Oh thank god I managed to say that without sounding like a total idiot.

When Amelia turns back around to set the sugar on the counter, she's blushing. "Thanks,"

I read over the recipes she has printed out and then set them aside, standing up again so I can attempt to start helping her. We decide to start with the Pillsbury sugar cookies since all we have to do is put those in the oven, so we start arranging them on a tray.

"I should warn you," I mumble to Amelia as we bump hips, "I'm not the best baker,"

"It's not too hard," Amelia says nonchalantly. "I'll give you some tips. A smart man like you can pick it up, don't worry, love,"

The simple pet name makes me blush but we're both so preoccupied with putting the frozen cookies on the tray that Amelia doesn't notice. The simple pet name makes my heart beat faster and almost burst out of my chest. Once the cookies are on the tray, she puts them in the oven and then turns to me.

"Okay, which cookies do you wanna make first?" She grabs the recipes and holds them up for me to see as if I hadn’t looked at them before. 

"What do you think we should do?" She looks up at me with her big, beautiful eyes, and I almost get lost for a moment, but I pull myself back when she rustles the papers again. "I've never done this before and you seem to have a lot of experience so-"

"You've never made Christmas cookies before?" Amelia gasps, the papers falling onto the table as her jaw drops in disbelief, and I shake my head at her. "Okay, then we're gonna make gingerbread cookies first because they’re a classic. They're my favorite and they're the most fun to decorate so hopefully you’ll like them too. I can't believe you've never done this before!"

She whips around and starts to assemble a new set of ingredients, telling me now and then how much to measure out, even though I've memorized the entire recipe. But nonetheless, I let her take the lead and take the previous cookies out of the oven.

"Okay, come here," Amelia says when my back is turned to her. She has the gingerbread dough rolled out on the island and a few different sized molds laid out, flour caked on her hands. "Getting the dough onto the pan is an art itself," I let out a little laugh, but then she turns her head with a threatening look as if to say I’m serious, that isn't threatening at all. "I'm serious. First, you've gotta use the mold to cut. Then you've gotta wiggle the mold. Then you've gotta get the dough off the counter and that's the hardest part because if you didn't put down enough flour then you’re screwed. It's an art. You laugh, but it's true,"

"I believe you," I put my hands up in surrender, reaching for one of the molds. I stand beside her and it takes me a moment to process how close I actually am, and I only do when I feel her body heat on me. "So, like this?" I push the mold into the dough and then wiggle the plastic back and forth until it's completely separated from the mass of dough, just like she told me to. But then when I lift the mold, the snowflake-shaped piece of dough completely lifts and folds over, ruining the dough. I let out a defeated sigh, looking up at Amelia with a dramatic pout, silently begging for help. "It is an art,"

Amelia giggles, bopping my nose, and I can feel some flour residue getting left there, making me scrunch up my nose. "Yes, it is. I'm glad you've realized, let me help you,"

///

An hour passes and we've finished baking all the gingerbread men, we're baking chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, and we've eaten half of the sugar cookies. We're chatting aimlessly about anything and everything and I'm starting to really actually enjoy this. I’m happy to be seeing Amelia outside of the cafe and I’m happy to be so comfortable with her, and to see her literally and metaphorically let her hair down. I thought I would be riddled with anxiety and would have to make some excuse to go rushing out, but now I don’t think I ever want to go home. I would be content with never leave this artsy apartment and making cookies with Amelia for the rest of my life.

"I'm gonna try to make you but as a gingerbread man," Amelia says as she sits down with a piping bag full of icing and half of the gingerbread men. I've got the other bag of icing in my hand and the other half of the gingerbread men in front of me, waiting to be decorated with far less finesse than Amelia’s cookies.

"You're an artist. You've got an unfair advantage," I pout yet again, starting to make uneven lines and lopsided eyes on my cookies. I grimace at my creations and my pout only grows when I glance over and see that Amelia’s look perfect.

"It's not a competition," Amelia responds, not even looking up from her interpretation of me in gingerbread form. "And remember what I said, everyone sees art differently. There’s no right or wrong in art,” she lets out a small squeal and then throws her piping bag down, leaning closer to me to show me the cookie. “Look! It’s you!”

The gingerbread man has an attempt at curly hair along with a button-up shirt, a tie, slacks, and converse. Honestly, the cookie version of me is pretty cute, but maybe I’m biased because Amelia made it. Amelia is elated at my pleased reaction and goes on to decorating more cookies, so I prop up her creation and keep on going.

I settle into my barstool and keep my eyes down, swinging my feet back and forth. There's a question on the tip of my tongue that I'm too scared to ask. It's been there for weeks. But this question implies follow up questions about me and I don't want to risk that. But I’ve been pondering this question since I met Amelia and I think that I would be willing to risk the follow-up questions if it means I get some sort of answer.

"Amelia," I say quietly, earning a hum in response, "I have a question,"

"Yeah?" She's soft-spoken, clearly focused on her cookies.

"Why don't you talk about your family?"

I look up just in time to see her grip on the piping bag falter, and she has to readjust her hold. But before she can do that, her hand reaches for the butterfly necklace that's forever around her neck and she tugs on it gently. That tells me that the necklace has a connection to her family, I just don't know how. Nope. Stop it right there. She told me when I came in to stop profiling her, even though it was clearly a joke, I shouldn’t start doing it now. 

"I, um," she lets out a breath and lets her eyes wander behind me, presumably at the wall of picture frames, "I just don't really like to talk about my family," that's all she says before she goes quiet. She readjusts her grip on the piping bag and goes back to work, deciding the conversation is over. Heat rises to my cheeks and my anxiety increases when I realize that my curiosity has gotten the better of me and I’ve ruined the good thing we have going on here with that simple question. So I just decide to shut my mouth and keep decorating my cookies. "You don't talk about your family either,"

It’s the question I was dreading, but it’s the one I was expecting. So I just shrug my shoulders as nonchalantly as possible. "You're not the only one who doesn't like to talk about their family,"

Amelia doesn't respond to that. It's one of the first times in our two months of knowing each other that I've seen her act shut off. The only time she ever acted out of character was asking if I would come over today, and she was only a little bit nervous for a few minutes. She's always so bubbly and open to any question or topic I have, so to have her sitting as close as ever but feel so far away is frustrating and the need to fill the grave I just dug myself.

"Amelia, I didn't mean to offend you with-"

"No, it's okay," she shakes her head, once again, her fingers adjusting around the piping bag. "It's a common thing that people talk about and I've never brought it up and you're a profiler so naturally, you would bring it up. It's fine, Spencer. I promise,"

"It doesn't seem fine. You're not even looking at me,"

"You're profiling me again," Amelia responds, her voice wavering.

I put my piping bag down and move closer to her, gently taking hers out of her hand and placing it down on the table. "Amelia, I-I didn't mean anything by it. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to,"

She looks up at me and I can see that her eyes are glassy, and it stings to know that I’m the one who made her feel like that. "I’m sorry. I didn't mean to be doing this on Christmas," She sniffles, reaching her fingertips up to wipe at her under-eyes. I have an overwhelming need to comfort her back to happiness, especially since I made her so unhappy. So even though my hands shake in the slightest, I hold my arms out towards her. Amelia notices right away, her eyebrows raising. "Seriously?" I nod. "You won't shake or hold my hand but you'll hug me?"

"You need a hug so I'm here to give you a hug,"

Amelia’s face lights up and she steps forward, wrapping her arms around my waist tightly. I circle my arms around her shoulders and tuck her head under my chin, smiling at the way she fits perfectly under me. This is comfortable and I feel warm and when she wiggles her body to get closer, it brings a smile to my face. I feel safe. I haven't felt like this is a long time. I might never want to let go, but I think Amelia might have the same idea.

"Does this mean I get to hug you more often now?" Amelia mumbles into the fabric of my sweater. "Don't get me wrong, I love our pinky promises but I also love hugs,"

My eyelids flutter closed and I nod against her head. "Yeah, we can hug more often," I flatten my hands on her back and pull her closer. "I really am sorry about asking about your family,"

"Well, I brought yours up afterward so it's fine," 

We're only pulled apart when the timer on the oven dings and lets us know that the oatmeal cookies are finished. I reluctantly pull myself off of her and grab the oven mitts, pulling the tray out while Amelia returns to frosting her gingerbread men.

"Hey, Spencer?" Amelia calls as I'm scooping cookies off the pan. "Do you have any information about gingerbread men in your big genius head?"

She asked, so I answered. I go off and tell her how gingerbread men date back to the 15th Century and how the first documented use of them was at the court of Elizabeth I. I go on for maybe ten minutes about the history of these edible men and maybe it's more than she was bargaining for, but she never interrupted and she listened to the whole thing. That's rare these days. Even my closest friends on my team cut me off constantly and sometimes tune out my facts.

"I didn't know any of that. School really doesn't teach students anything they wanna learn about," Amelia laughs, adding two more gingerbread men to the pile of cookies.

We finish creating our mountain of different types of cookies at around 4 so we decide that we should start making dinner, that way, we can relax the rest of the night and not have to be rushing around the kitchen. The sun starts to set and the snow starts to fall as we set out on a new adventure of cooking dinner. Amelia goes to turn up the heat and I notice her take a moment to pause in front of the balcony doors to stare out at the fresh blanket of snow. But the second she turns and comes back to the kitchen, I whip my head down to the lasagna recipe in my hands to memorize it. Yet again, I decide to let Amelia take charge of this recipe because I would rather not mess it up.

///

We pop our tray of lasagna in the oven and then set a timer for the proper amount of time. "Alright," Amelia says, clapping her hands together and bouncing on her toes, "that'll be done in about twenty-five minutes. So maybe we could watch a movie? We've been baking all day so it'd be a good idea to get off our feet,"

It’s a no brainer to agree to the suggestion and I follow Amelia into her living room like a lost puppy with his tail between his legs. She gestures for me to sit on the couch while she drops to the floor in front of the tv, sitting up on her knees to shut off the record player. Then she pulls out a wicker basket filled to the brim with movies. "What are we watching?" 

"I've got plenty of Christmas movies because they're my favorite. I've got ones like," she holds up the case to each movie as she names it, "Polar Express, The Grinch, Home Alone, Elf, Love Actually, A Christmas Story and way, way more. Plus I've got the claymation ones like Year Without a Santa Claus, Rudolph, Jack Frost, Frosty the Snowman, and Santa Claus is Coming to Town," she looks up at me. "So which one do you fancy, love?"

There's that damn pet name again.

"Um," I let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of my neck, "I've actually never seen any of those before so I guess just put on your favorite,"

Amelia's eyes widen. "You've never seen any of these before?" I shake my head with a coy smile, my cheeks turning pink. "Wow, I guess it's my turn to educate you, Spencer. I might never get the opportunity to do this again so I'm going to take advantage while I can,"

Amelia jumps to her feet and pops one of the movies in the DVD player. She doesn't tell me what it is but she grabs the remote and comes to sit next to me on the couch. She's not too close to me but she's close enough to make my hands sweaty. I lean down to unlace my shoes and set them aside before getting myself a bit more comfortable on the couch, but not too comfortable. I’ve overheard far too many arguments between Morgan, JJ, Emily, and Garcia about how sitting too close to girls in moments like these can make a guy seem like, in Garcia’s words, a douchebag. And the last thing I want is for Amelia to think I’m a douchebag. So even though I feel I’m a mile away from her with just a couch cushion between us, I don’t move to close the distance.

"I put on The Polar Express because this is one of my favorite Christmas movies of all time," Amelia explains as the main menu comes up and shows the opening titles. "It's a good intro to Christmas movies, I guess, I don't really know,"

"Sure," I nod enthusiastically. "I like learning, I'm ready to watch. Go ahead, play,"

Amelia presses play and then reaches behind her for the blanket draped over the couch. She folds it over her lap and then glances over at me, holding up the corner of the blanket. "Do you-" she trails off, asking me if I want to share. I nod, scooting just a bit closer so we can both comfortably fit under the blanket. Our thighs are touching and it takes everything in me not to cuddle up even closer to her. She invited me over here so she must not think I’m a douchebag, right? This is okay, right?

The movie starts and it's quite different from the movies I'm used to watching. But I can tell it's a movie that has sentimental value to her so I pay close attention to it. It’s not filled with history or framed with subtitles or spewing information at me to instantly memorize. It’s just a lighthearted children’s movie that celebrates Christmas and teaches kids to not let others judge you and to believe in what you want to believe. I would have never watched a movie like this without Amelia and the longer I sit through the movie, the more I wish it wouldn’t end.

But eventually, I lean down to whisper in her ear. "None of the kids have names. Only Billy does,"

Amelia giggles, her head tilting closer to mine but keeping her eyes locked on the tv. "Yeah, you're right. I'm not sure why, they just don't,"

I hum, looking back up at the tv, not completely satisfied with the answer but willing to accept it. I try to focus back on the movie and figure out why these kids are sliding down tiny conveyor belts but I feel Amelia's eyes on me, locked on the side of my face. My attempts to ignore her gaze go in vain because I'm looking back down at her within another minute. She's looking up at me with her bottom lip between her teeth and her blue eyes widened, eyelashes fluttering. She looks horribly stunning and I fear I let my eyes linger on her lips for too long.

"What?" I whisper, wondering why she's staring at me when she should be watching the movie, a movie she claims is one of her favorites.

"Nothing," she says, but makes no attempt to break eye contact with me. "Nothing, I just-" she trails off yet again.

My hands had been placed at my sides but I can't help it when one of them moves to Amelia's cheek, barely even touching her soft skin at first, too afraid that she would flinch. A part of me is almost surprised when she doesn't pull away, but why do I keep getting surprised by her? She's remarkable. She asked me to spend Christmas with her so I wouldn't be alone. She cares about me in some capacity. She's showing me her favorite movies and baking cookies with me and she cares about me. I care about her and she cares about me. Why am I holding back?

"Can-" I clear my throat nervously, "can I kiss you?"

Amelia's eyes flutter for a moment before she nods, tilting her chin upwards. For a moment I think she's going to initiate the kiss, but then she doesn't. She just waits there, leaving me to feel her warm breath on my face and her cold skin under my fingertips. But she respected my boundaries when it came to handshakes and hugs, so even though I've already asked and she's already accepted, it makes sense that she would respect my inevitable boundaries with something as germy and personal and bacteria-filled as a kiss. So that means I have to finally take charge and I don't even have time to figure out if that terrifies me or excites me.

With my hand on her cheek and my heart about to beat out of my chest, I draw her forward and press my lips to hers in the softest and sweetest, most wonderful kiss. She tastes sweet, like strawberry lip balm and gingerbread, and I find my senses being filled with the taste of her. My brain had intended for a simple kiss, but after said simple kiss, I had to have more of her. Amelia doesn't resist as I deepen the kiss, bringing my hand to her neck to bring her closer. Her hands start at my chest but eventually travel up to my jawline, fingertips resting there softly, just barely coaxing me forward. Our lips move perfectly in sync and I could swear, as cheesy as it sounds, I feel burning on my skin from the fallout of the fireworks that erupt above us. I feel Amelia smile as she shuffles a bit closer to me on her knees, her body making even more contact with mine than before when we were just sitting. 

My mind is screaming at me to pull away, to push her off of me and run home and curl up in bed, and to ignore Amelia forever. My head says to shield her from this horrible part of the world that I expose myself to and to protect her innocence. That's all I want to do. I want to protect her. As it often does, my head says no but my heart says yes. I can't deny what I'm feeling for Amelia. I can't deny that I haven't slept over my alarm for two months because I'm far too excited to see her every morning at the cafe. I can't help the way my heart speeds up when she walks in and waves at me, or the way I can't help but beam when she laughs, or how I don't want to leave when the alarm on her phone sounds. That's what leads me to wrap my free arm around her waist and bring her chest to mine, the fabric of her sweater clutched in my fist and my lips fervently sliding against hers.

The sharp cry of the oven alarm is the only thing that can get us to pull apart, far too quickly for either of our likings. Amelia pulls away with a sharp inhale, her eyes closed for just a moment longer than mine. "I'll-" she moves one of the hands from my jaw to wipe at her bottom lip, "um, I'll go get that,"

Amelia begrudgingly untangles herself from my arms and then from the blanket around her legs, feet silent on the floor as she hurries to pull the lasagna out of the oven. I'm left on the couch for a moment, completely stunned and actually quite pleased. I’ve never been kissed like that. I didn’t even know I could kiss like that. I didn’t even know I had it in me. But once the momentary shock wears off, the tension sets in and I know I need to follow Amelia. I reach up to pause the movie so we don’t miss anything before following Amelia into the kitchen, seeing her close the oven as she places the tray of lasagna on the stove. Her cheeks are flushed but I can't tell if that's from the kiss or the heat from the oven.

The apartment is tense now that it's silent and Amelia's back is turned to me. Despite the obvious verbal consent, I fear I've ruined everything. I asked to kiss her and even though she accepted, she's quiet. She's busying herself with dishing lasagna and I'm realizing that the only other time she acted this shut off was when I asked about her family. Does that mean I need to apologize again? Oh my gosh, I really don’t know how girls work. I’ve already upset her twice in one day and made her act in ways I’ve never seen before. Maybe I should have listened more when Morgan complained about his girl problems. You know what? Maybe I won’t apologize this time. I’ll try a different approach.

"That wasn't-" I mumble, lingering in the entryway to the kitchen, "weird, right? That didn't totally ruin things, right?"

Amelia's hands pause mid-air for a moment but then she continues dishing food. "No, it wasn't weird,"

Okay, Spencer. If you've ever needed to be bold, now's the time. She obviously likes you and you've accepted that you like her too and that you don't want to lose her, and right now, you're losing her to whatever her brain is telling her. Don't let that happen. Do something.

"So," I take a step closer to her and place my hand on her waist, spinning her around to face me, "so you wouldn't mind if I kissed you again?"

Amelia doesn't even respond, she just grabs my cheeks and kisses me again. I instinctively push her against the counter and hold her there, my hands clutching her waistline as her hands start to thread through my hair. This kiss is needier than the first one, almost as if it's solidifying to both of us that we're really doing this and that these feelings are actually mutual. That the first kiss didn’t scare either of us off and we’re not going anywhere.

I'm the first to pull away when I run out of breath, but I have not a single intention of moving away from her. I still feel Amelia's lips brushing mine and her warm breath fanning across my face, delicate fingers pushing my hair off my forehead. It's shaggy and falling over my forehead, but she arranges it perfectly so it's out of the way. She smiles nervously at me and then she shrinks, and I realize she had to go on her tiptoes to kiss me. "I, um," she laughs, letting her hands fall to my shoulders, "I've had a crush on you for a while. Like, since we first talked,"

I slide my hands down to her hips, feeling the rough tweed fabric under my fingertips. "Really?"

"Yeah," she smiles bashfully. "I thought you were really cute and I may have walked into you on purpose because I was too scared to approach you when you were reading,"

My eyes nearly pop out of their sockets at the realization that the camera fiddling was just a ruse. "What?" Amelia giggles, ducking her head into my shoulder to hide her blush from showing. "No! No hiding!"

"It's true!" She pulls her hands from my shoulders and covers her face. "You were reading and you were doing it so fast and I was confused at how you were actually retaining the information and you looked so cute with your hair up like that and I wanted to talk to you but I didn't know how to. When you got up, I just walked over and then grabbed my camera and-" I grab her wrists gently and pull her hands away from her face. Amelia's face is bright red in embarrassment but she smiles as I slide my hands into hers and lace our fingers together. "I thought you didn't hold hands,"

"You also thought I didn't hug or kiss until tonight," I remark, bringing our hands down to our sides. I lean in one more time and press our lips together, and this time the kiss doesn't need to be quick or passionate or wet. It's slow and sweet. It fills me with the familiar warmth that only Amelia has been able to provide me with.

"You're just full of surprises," Amelia giggles, twisting her head to kiss my cheek. "We should eat before it gets cold, right?"

"Yeah, probably," I don't want to let go of her but I reluctantly do, letting her continue her task of dishing lasagna for the two of us. We resume our positions on the couch, sitting even closer than before. Amelia rewinds the movie quite a bit, making sure I’ve seen every frame that we missed while we were engaged in other activities. She claims she doesn’t mind seeing it again, that she watched this movie last week anyway so rewinding it for me isn’t a big deal at all.

I do my best to pay attention throughout the rest of the movie like Amelia wants me to do, but it's proven to be a challenge. All I want to do is look down at the angel sitting beside me and kiss her and play with her hair and talk to her about any topic that might pop into my head. But she's fixated on the movie and I don't want to tear her away from something that she's so invested in. So I stay silent and sling my arm over the back of the couch in an attempt to get more comfortable. I do it unintentionally, but Amelia takes this as an invitation to cuddle up beside me. She brings her knees up to her chest and rests her head on my shoulder, effectively tucking herself into my side. I'm not complaining, because even though I wasn’t intending to do the ultimate douchebag move and basically silently invite her to cuddle with me, I’m not complaining. I grin for the rest of the movie.

///

"So did you like it?" Amelia asks eagerly, sitting up on her knees as the credits rolls, an expecting grin plastered on her face. "I know you're used to watching movies in different languages and-"

"It was pretty great, actually," 

"You're not just saying that because I told you it's one of my favorites?"

"Not at all. It bothered me that the children didn't have names, besides Billy, but other than that, it was a wonderful movie. I can see why you like it so much," I tell her. "And it's only seven. Are we gonna watch something else?"

"Well," Amelia chews on her lip, pulling away from my embrace slightly as she plays with the hem of her skirt, "the depends on you. If you wanna head home, I know you have work tomorrow and-"

"Actually," unintentionally, I cut her off yet again. But she looks up at me with bright eyes, hopeful that I'll want to stay, "I don't expect that you got me anything but I brought you a gift,"

I quickly leap up to avoid seeing her reaction, returning to my messenger bag in the doorway, reaching in for the perfectly wrapped gift. I spent hours on the floor of my bedroom wrapping the present, and then unwrapping it when the paper creased, then wrapping it again, then unwrapping it when the paper ripped, and then finally leaving the wrapping after what seemed like the millionth try. It was a process but it was worth it because it looks absolutely perfect.

When I return to the living room, Amelia is gone. I sit down with the gift in my lap, assuming she'll be back soon. And sure enough, she comes bounding down the floating stairs a second later. "I did actually get you a gift," she says, jumping back onto her spot on the couch. "Just something little," I pass my gift off to her and she does the same with me until we're holding each other's presents. It's odd actually, because I've given and received gifts with my team and with my mom, but never like this. Never with a girl I have a massive crush on. Never with someone who I care on another level for. Never with a girl who seems to put the sun in the sky.

I gesture for Amelia to go first, placing her gift in my lap, to be opened next. She gives me an excited smile and nods, obeying my quiet warning to hold it carefully as she searches for a spot to pull the paper back. "They're-" she pulls the paper clean off and beams, "45's,"

"Yeah," I nod anxiously as she reveals my present. "You told me you love records and this bookstore I love sells records too. I found these and I thought of-" I clear my throat, "well, they made me think of you,"

Amelia looks through the small stack of records in her hands, narrowing her eyes at me. "Most of them are classical, Spencer,"

"You need more classical music in your life, Amelia," I sass back at her, earning a small scoff in returning, bringing up a small quarrel we had a few weeks ago. "You can't spend your days listening to Christmas music, Frank Sinatra, and Taylor Swift,"

Amelia glances up at me with a small pout. "I could try,"

I laugh, pointing to the records in her hand. "Well, now you don't have to,"

"Thank you, love. This is wonderful, really. I'm gonna put one of these on right after you open your gift," she places them on her lap and then points at the present in my lap. "Go ahead. It's your turn."

I tear back the wrapping paper and first find a pack of coloring pencils, which seems like an odd gift, considering how many times I’ve established that I’m bad at art, but then I find a black leather journal behind it. Upon further inspection, I find that there are drawings on the front of the journal. My name is written in beautiful calligraphy on the top of the cover, and all around the front are small pictures. I find things like coffee cups, cameras, a deck of cards, an imperfect square with the pattern of one of Amelia's scarves, a record player, beakers, plenty of books, and much more.

"It's a sketchbook," Amelia explains softly. "You were saying how you wish you were better at art, so now you have the means to practice. And I was thinking about when you go on cases and you could bring it with you and I tried to put things on the front that would maybe, I don't know, comfort you." She pauses and I look up at her, waiting for her to continue with what she wants to say. Because just by the tight-lipped smile on her face, I know she wants to say something else. "Selfishly, I put references to me on there,"

I set my gift onto the coffee table and then move the records aside, pulling Amelia into my arms again. She happily accepts this embrace, arms circling my shoulders. "I love it," I tell her. "Thank you. I'll definitely bring it on cases with me. I can't ensure that anything I draw in it is good, but-"

"But you've got a pretty great teacher right here."

///

Amelia watches with an overly dramatic pout as I button up my jacket and put my scarf on, glancing out the window to check out bad the snow is. She crosses her arms over her chest as I put my messenger bag over my shoulder, making me laugh. "Don't make me feel even worse for leaving,"

"If I make you feel really bad, will you stay?" Amelia practically begs, even though she's already reaching for the doorknob. She knows I have work tomorrow and I have to be up early. She opens the door and then leans against the frame, still clearly not ready for me to depart.

"Hey, why don't you sleep in tomorrow? We don't need to meet up tomorrow morning. Get some extra sleep. It's almost midnight,"

Amelia's pout grows. "What? But what if you get a case? Then I won't see you for a few days, at least,"

"Then," I hadn't entirely thought this through because she totally has a point. WWDMD? I know exactly what Derek Morgan would do. Of all the times I’ve thought about Morgan today, I know exactly how he would respond in this situation. I reach out to grab her waist and pull her into a half hug, smiling, "then I'll make it up to you by taking you out on a proper date when I get back,"

Amelia's smile grows and she starts to nod. "That sounds like a plan," she goes up on her toes to kiss me but her lips only brush mine before pulling away again. "What if you don't get a case? Are you still gonna take me on a date?"

I put on a pensive face that makes her laugh. "I'll think about it," I press my lips to hers, unable to handle the short, torturous distance anymore. The kiss doesn’t last nearly as long as I want it to because we’re standing the hallway at midnight where anyone could catch us, letting the heat out, after a long day of making cookies and watching movies, and it’s absolutely freezing. So when we pull away, I have to will myself to not groan or grimace.

"Let me walk you out," Amelia hums, grabbing her keys before walking out with me. Our pinky's interlock as we walk down her apartment hallway, towards the door outside. "Will you text me when you get home? I just wanna make sure you get home safe," we stop in front of the door and she wraps her arms around my waist. "I know you're a fully capable FBI agent and all but it's late and I worry about that stuff,"

"Of course I will," I hug her tightly, pressing my lips to her cheek. "Thank you for inviting me over. I would've just been sitting alone and reading books all day without you,"

"Thanks for coming over," she echoes, pulling away from our ultra-warm hug and letting a chill run down her spine. "I would've watched movies alone all day. So thanks for being with me. I'll miss you tomorrow,"

"I will too, but I'll text you when I get home and I'll talk to you tomorrow to let you know if I get a case or not,"

"I'll be glued to my phone," Amelia winks at me, getting me to laugh one last time for the night. "Now go, before it gets even later."

“You go back to your apartment first. I know it’s right there but I, uh,” I glance behind her, down the dim hallway, “I worry about that stuff,”

Amelia smiles in the most smitten way I think I’ve ever seen, and for once, I think I’ve actually done something right. “Yeah, okay,” she nods, and she pushes herself up on her toes to kiss my cheek on more time. “Bye, Spencer. Merry Christmas,”

“Merry Christmas,” I echo, watching her scurry back to her apartment and unlock the door, stepping into the warmth. Her head pops out once more and she sends me a wave, blowing me a kiss before she disappears. The air I exhale reverberates off the wall and the smile on my face is undeniable, even as I dance on the cusp of frostbite during my walk home. A girl like that is mine? A girl like that who blows kisses and bakes cookies all day and cuddles during movies? She’s mine? Amelia is mine. She really is and as soon as that thought echoes in my head, a laugh escapes my lips. I must be the luckiest man alive.

  hello there! if you’re still reading here then please tell me your favorite snack!! plz im v hungry thank u sm okay here’s the taglist

 TAGLIST

@etheralgubler @babybobbybones @whollytaciturn @reidswords @thegingerfairchild @matthewreid @shrimpyblog @garcias-batcave @anamelessfacelessnerd @nastyhar @gublergirls @mandapanda8 

[everybuddiewantssome]

So.... I looked it up and determined how many of these rambling posts I've made (including the sentence long ones when I first started) so anyway.... welcome to.... part.... 60 (I'm not proud of myself lol)

Lois talking about losing her mom I'm already crying

"Tess you said you needed help I thought you meant watchtower not scrapbooking"

I see this is going to be one of those emotional episodes

"This may come as a surprise to you Clark but I've never really identified with any saints"

"They call her granny goodness" whAT?

Yet another time Lois makes me cry

"I left my notebook in the car"

Sweet old granny turns them into viscous assassins. That's about right

Clark literally being knocked off his feet

Powerful? Are her parents the Luthors or what?

Somebody save me

I literally can't read that sentence normally anymore

Somebody saaaaaave meee

Ok I'm done now. Back to regular programming

"I told you to look after him, not slaughter him" well little miss knife hands kinda went ahead and did that anyway

Tess just destroyed knife hands I love her

Lois just goes to the fortress by herself. Why not

"Hello, mr..... el"

"Clark.... I mean.... kal el"

"Clark can't see it with the ghost of your disappointment"

"He's lucky to be rid of you" oh shit Lo oh no

The way Clark motors through the kryptonite to blow the chain down

The way they didn't even show Clark take the girl out they just show him zip up and then she's on the ground and he's beside her

They got holograms not just a voice!!!!

"I don't think he's that easy to read being that he's an ice fortress and all"

HE HAS A RING

Omg she is a Luthor my hunch was on point

"Clark you go reign in flipper"

"Let me guess. You woke up feeling odd with fang marks on your neck"

"I wasn't the first one to sign up for operation guinea pig your boyfriend was"

AC playing with dolphins

"You think cause I didnt check in at the treehouse I'm going rogue"

Ok ac has a wife?

"My dad always said I'm made of more brass than his medals"

Will always love Lo's secret sneaky tactics... the lighter, go queen

Ollie baby I'm stressed

"I know you're in Clark's superhero club. So unless you want a sudden tracheotomy you will tell me where he is"

"For the record you know I was bluffing right"

"Miami in winter. Who doesn't love to snowbird"

"Is this a secret tryout for the nfl"

"I'm human" damn right Oliver I love you for it

Mira just casually strips in front of Lois

"His people like down under and not Australia"

"Little mermaid your friends and I dated for like a day"

"Sorry to interrupt the real housewives of metropolis"

Oliver is literally being tortured by being strapped into a pool essentially and I'm just like..... he's hot

"Unlike the half dolphin over here"

"You're up gill boy"

Will never get over Ollie's weapons skills. Boy just threw a shard of glass at pinpoint accuracy

I love when bullets ricochet off of Clark into the bad guys trying to shoot him

"Underwater you look like a clownfish"

"Your endless optimism is the one thing I actually like about you" how sweet lol

In all seriousness AC's pep talk, yes please

"Seriously, don't make me get out my hair dryer and shrivel you"

"We didn't just get off on the wrong fin"

"That's our boy scout"

"Alright wave runners. Next time you're in town be sure to swim by"

"I'm glad I only booked a one way to Miami. Your arms are a lot better than some seat in coach"

"I take back that whole work wife thing your satellite totally trumps my cell phone"

"Are you seriously trying to tell me that out of all the intergalactic bad boys we've ever faced, this one's actually worse" Oliver 😂😂

[mor-beck-more-problems]

Special Delivery || Morgan & Otto

TIMING: the recent past, during the reign of Shroomdre

LOCATION: Morgan & Deirdre’s house

PARTIES: @gravityfissure @mor-beck-more-problems

SUMMARY: Deirdre’s husband stops by bearing gifts.

CONTAINS: Discussions of fairy ring binding

The sling was a hindrance and one Otto was surely ready to be done with, but apparently a grade two ACJ sprain obtained in the duty of fulfilling this mushroom marriage shtick needed a few weeks of immobilisation in this fashion to repair. He’d managed and there were things he could do to work around it but it was starting to get annoying. But at least he was fulfilling his end of the bargain. Unfortunately, it did mean the bike was out of the question and he’d had to pay the Uber extra to not ask any questions about the large netted pile of toasters that were shoved into the back seat on route to their destination. Pressing his temple against the cool glass, for a moment he simply closed his eyes Deirdre’s words playing over in his head.

You’re going to be a devout husband and serve the mushrooms with me, am I clear, you pathetic human?

Maybe this wasn’t the best distraction he could’ve come up with in the face of everything else going on lately. But it was the only one that had been provided to him and the one he’d taken. Plus, at least with Deirdre he had some guesstimation of what he was getting involved with. So she wanted to murder him? Get in line. He’d dealt with murderers before, knew their type and their ego. They were easy enough to maneuver around if you knew what you were doing no matter what species they were. At the end of the day their goal was the same.

Arriving at their destination, Otto hefted the netted haul out the backseat. The toasters clattering on impact with the sidewalk and screeching as he made his way up the drive to ring the doorbell and wait for Deirdre.

Morgan jumped to the door, hoping it was Urk with her fresh brains from the butcher. Deirdre, or Mushroom Deirdre, whoever her girlfriend was today, was getting up to a lot these days, but picking up brains after work wasn’t really one of them lately. She had his customary glass of lemonade ready (Urk liked it extra watery for...some reason) and opened the door, a relieved, “Hey!” on her lips when she realized...this was not Urk. But Not-Urk did seem to have a heck of a lot of toasters on hand, which could really only mean one thing. “...You must be Otto.” She did her best to salvage a smile. This was...probably not his fault, although from what she’d heard, he did deserve some of this. “You can leave those at the door. Your mushroom queen isn’t home right now.”

Otto was lost in his own thoughts over recent events as the door opened, but he pulled some semblance of his typical exuberant energy around himself. It was an easy enough facade to fall into. Excessive energy that seemed almost boundless in its enthusiasm and bolstered his own mood. Though where his mouth opened with a cheery greeting, it died away into a look of mild mannered confusion. “Oh uh-” it felt rude to ask who this person was, someone Deirdre lived with, which didn’t bode well. Both because of what he was currently stuck in and considering he didn’t even have an honest clue who she was because Deirdre had never- it took a few before his memory clicked. Or maybe she had. Once in passing. But the name eluded him. Too lost in the mesmerising fae display at the fairy ring. Meg? Moore? Moray? “Yeah! Um hi...” he half debated offering his hand but figured that might be rude and presumptuous, he ended up dropping a few of the propped up toasters with a clank to raise his hand in a small wave instead. “Yeah… I ahhh- didn’t know what she actually wanted any of these for,” he glanced at the small mountain of plastic and metal reflection behind him before he looked at the figure in the doorway once more “she just ordered me to get them. So… I thought I’d just… bring them over… I got more than expected this mime lady gave me like a hundred for the mushrooms-” he caught himself mid-ramble shaking his head and blinking away the haze of thoughts fast spiralling. “Sorry- I didn’t mean to uh, disturb you ma’am.”

Morgan arched a brow. This was a lot less impressive than what she had expected, but maybe Deirdre had been more on the money than Morgan had realized when she said the humans brought into the ring were usually pretty pathetic. She frowned, grimacing inwardly as she remembered Emma Mushrow. She fit the description as well as Otto seemed to on the surface, but she hadn’t deserved anything like what had happened to her. She was a fucking kid. Learning how to be more was her job. Otto...well, maybe his ‘husbandly duties’ were wearing on him. She probably didn’t look like hot shit either in her house sweats. Morgan held out the glass of lemonade she’d made for Urk. There was more in the pitcher, getting waterier by the minute. “I don’t know what they’re for either,” she shrugged, “But, you can have this before you go. I’ll take good care of the toasters myself.”

Otto’s eyes flickered between the glass of lemonade and back to her, there was uncertainty in the glance. Trying to figure out what angle was being played here, because everyone played some kind of angle. Eventually though he reached out and took it with his one good hand “thanks” he took a sip and suddenly had to fight the urge to pull a face at how watery it was. Who made watery lemonade? “Oh-- wow, that’s good!” a lie but lying came as easily as anything else to him and it was easy to make it convincing, he lifted the glass up to study the contents “is that homemade? I’ve never been able to make good lemonade.” A true story and weird considering his daytime occupation. It was then that he heard the gobble, and his head turned in the direction they came from and his expression significantly brightened in disbelief and plain as day amusement “oh no way… Deirdre was serious?” he glanced at Morgan when the turkey gobbled again, walking into view and Otto stared at it for a moment “sorry- is this that damn bird she keeps calling her son? Is this another fae thing?”

Morgan’s face scrunched up with disgust. “...You...what?” Reached to snatch the glass back. “I was just giving it to you to be polite.  And because you look sweaty and...” She made a face, indicating the unspoken gross. “ I know it’s extra watery, because that’s how my delivery guy says he likes it. And, you know, polite gratitude is one thing, but don’t play it up like that. It’s just...weird.”

Butterball’s plucks and gobbles from the garden he was hell bent on destroying added another dollop of perfect to the afternoon. Of course Butterball now had a reputation to precede him, and, really, wasn't it better for Mushroom Deirdre to spend whatever time she did with Otto talking about the turkey than about whatever details of their personal life she happened to remember. Morgan winced. “Yeah, that’s Butterball. Consolation prize for the craft fair. She uh, submitted a photo of herself in the Fine Art category, because she’s crafted her own fine, artful beauty.” Even in relating the small anecdote, Morgan’s temperament warmed. A fond smile softened her face and she found herself going on, saying, “Obviously I don’t think Butterball counts as just compensation, but she’s crazy about him for now. Listen, you don’t look like you’re in mortal danger, which is great, and I really need you off my front step as fast as your Otto-y legs can take you and to see you again as seldom to never as possible. But, if you want, I can whip you up a snack or a drink that actually tastes good first.”

“Sweaty?” his eyes narrowed in indignation, something that carried over into his tone sharp and sudden in place of the relatively mild-mannered politeness that had been fronted. “And I drank it because I was trying to be polite when it tastes like pi- horrific, who the hell drinks lemonade like that?”

Clearly this was a bad idea, not that he’d known this was going to happen when he turned up. All he’d wanted was to drop these bloody toasters off and get the hell out of dodge, instead he now faced being called sweaty when it wasn’t even warm out? Otto could tolerate a fair bit, but random accusations that were bloody well unfounded just weren’t something he could stand for. “Clearly you’re mad, and I’m sorry for this. I am” he stated quite sincerely despite the indignation that lingered following the accusation. “But I’m not sure why you’re blaming me when I didn’t do anything other than show up when a friend asked me to. Seven hells lady, Deirdre invited me, told me it’d be a fun time, how the hell was I supposed to know I’d end up bound to her every bloody desire?” He grimaced at the claim of a lack of mortal danger standing there with his arm in a sling, that apparently if it’d been worse might’ve needed pinning back in place, “sure, because there was no risk in her bloody toaster obsession that I ended up falling four storeys out of a window for it. Thanks for the apparent concern for the person who’s your girl’s living slave.” He really hadn’t foreseen things going quite to this extent. “I am genuinely sorry for any distress I’ve caused but if you’ve got an issue take it up with the one that instigated this whole thing in the first place. Which was not me.”

He glanced at the bird, a consolation prize. Though typical of Deirdre to send in a photo of herself for the fair. But it did little to provide an alternative topic to discuss. “I’m fine thank you. Apologies for infringing on your time and watery lemonade.”

“I��m...not blaming you, Otto. Or her, for that matter,” Morgan said, pinching the bridge of her nose. She supposed he was entitled to his anger, copious and sudden  as it seemed, but she didn’t want any part of it. Or him. “And I don’t know what this uh...four storey window misadventure is or how gnarly it was, but, you’re not dead and mostly able. Not everyone who gets brought into a fairy ring gets to say that. But I can appreciate your exasperation. If you need a bail out, or some medical bills covered that’s related to this, you can let me know. I can try to take care of that for you. I don’t not-care, okay? I just don’t want to have to look at the guy calling himself Deirdre’s husband.” She bent down and started piling up the toasters in her arms. “Maybe get some rest and stay offline for awhile, huh? She can’t boss you around if she can’t reach you, right?”

“It sure as hell feels like I’m being blamed for all this.” Otto grimaced, shifting his weight onto the balls of his feet and then rocking back again tired and frustrated with everything that was going on. “She has no control and this person with no control has total control of me - she’s bloody well told me I have to be a perfect husband and I can’t help but say those things because that’s what a perfect husband would say wouldn’t they? I don’t want to bloody well say that shite and I am sorry for it- truly.” He shook his head a little, “it’s fine, I can cover my own bills and I’m not here to extort anyone.” Otto glanced back at the house but ultimately a forlorn look was given to Morgan, slightly pleading at that “when is she gonna be back? Because I really was hoping to ask her to just end this. Please. Or… Can’t you talk to her? Try and convince her this is a bad idea and to end it?” He wasn’t sure it would work, but if Deirdre truly loved Morgan maybe it was worth a shot.

“Are you asking for my pity?” Morgan asked, balancing the toasters on her hip as she opened the garage to put them away. With the pile started, she trekked back to Otto’s pile to grab the rest. “Because I have a couple of designated spoons for pity, but you can’t have ‘em all. I don’t know when she’ll be back. I don’t make it a habit to supervise my girlfriend’s movements at the best of times, and at a time like this, well, I think sometimes she tries to tell me but it doesn’t make any sense. And I’ll be honest, I don’t even know if she can let you go. Mushroom rings are uh, next level stuff. But, I can ask her about it. See what happens.” She set the last of the toasters down and dusted her hands. She didn’t rightly care if it had all looked suspiciously too much for one tiny woman to be carrying. She had housework to get back to and a floor that was calling her name oh, so seductively with its freshly polished shine. “No promises, but I’ll ask. Worst that could happen is you have to stay in this as long as she does, and it’s only a week or two.”

“No, jus’ me saying I hope you can understand this isn’t personal or- I dunno, that it’s not done with any kinda intent to hurt you or anything like that… ‘cause I don’t even know you. I’m not a homewrecker, I’m not I swear. Deirdre’s a friend. Or, she was until this.” Otto wasn’t sure why he even felt compelled to explain himself, that was a newfound development. Deirdre was fun, but she was trouble all in one and he wasn’t sure this was the kind of fun he could really get used to. He tried not to look too disheartened at the prospect of Deirdre not being able to let him go but it wasn’t easily done. “Please. I’d appreciate it if you would. I’d seriously owe you for it if you could get her to end it… I really don’t want to be an issue for you and I’d be willing to try almost anything to get this stopped.” And considering some of Deirdre’s remarks Otto wasn’t sure a week was something he’d honestly survive.

“I know you don’t,” Morgan grumbled. It would have been a lot more convenient if he was, but she knew from the sheer inconvenience of this all if not from all the horror stories that true human consent was rare. Even if they did go in willingly, mushroomed fae had a funny way of not making the terms and conditions clear. “That doesn’t mean I want to see you at our house.” She wasn’t sure how, but having a face to the name made everything harder and twice as painful. Morgan held herself tight, chewing on the unfairness of this all, a piece of gum in her mouth that never had its flavor in the first place. “For the record, she is your friend. Not like this, this isn’t who she really is. But if she was your friend before, she’ll want to be again. She’ll be sorry, I think, if that makes any difference to you.” Morgan crept backwards into the house. “I’ll talk to her, see if the part of her that doesn’t belong to the mushrooms can hear and change her mind. Good luck til then.”

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

this is an outta nowhere question but what are your thoughts on Joker in Smash about a year since he was added? I've heard some folks say the reason the Persona fandom got so toxic is bc Smash got involved and I wanted to know what you thought since you've been in it way longer than P5 and Joker in Smash

Short answer: Yes AND No. 

Long answer (it’s me of course it’s gonna be under the cut due to length 8U):

I’mma be honest, there’s always toxic fans. I know Smash Fans (and Nintendo fans in general) haven’t exactly been peaches, esp when it comes to Twitter (which I think is also an issue atm). But there were toxic fans before than and there’ll be toxic fans later. It’s just life tbh. (dunno where to put this but I’ll put it here: Twitter nowadays is like 2012-2015ish Tumblr, different being Tumblr was a bit more hiveminded and if you disagreed with a popular fandom opinion you.....were kinda bullied let’s be honest so no one could really say their opinions. While Twitter now it’s not a hivemind but instead two sided extremist that you need to choose. Both toxic and similar but just a taaaaad bit different, I’d probs take the two extremist sides over the hivemind if I had to chose tho...even tho Tumblr had better content during that era than Twitter right now imo but that’s in general and not Persona only. 8U Tumblr’s REALLY calmed down since the porn ban I’m not gonna lie, and ironically that’s roughly around the time that Twitter started getting shitty. So like....kinda saying there’s a correlation, I think a lot of toxic tumblr people probably migrated to twitter, and while there’s toxic fans everywhere it feels like a lot gather on Twitter so it really highlights the fandom there sadly). 

From my experience (which is from P4 PS2 era onward, I missed the pre-P4 P3 PS2 era stuff but apparently there were waifu wars which from what I’ve found I probs would’ve just classified as “shipping war” stuff rather than waifu wars....and it seemed liked standard shipping war stuff from back then), the bigger a fandom grows the more fans it obviously attracts, but that also means more toxic fans too. And that’s why I say yes and no for the smash community, yes because they did attract more fans (and their community seems to be a bit toxic atm, like I get expressing your wants to a company and I support that! but the INSTANT you don’t get a specific character announced for the fighter pass and instead of just being like “oh golly darn :(” but instead “***** this place ***** Nintendo you all suck ****** *slur* *slur*” yeah no that’s a little....you gotta take a step back buddy, so yeah I’m sure there’s a bit more toxic fans in that fandom atm but they are also a BIG ASS FANDOM so I’m not surprised), but it’s also just the cause and effect of the fandom getting bigger in general.

It happened when P4 got it’s anime (btw anime fans ya still valid and are a Persona fan, just keep in mind if you wanna talk lore just know you did watch a very abridged version of the game so be aware you might have somethings wrong cause of that.....cause I’ve seen it happen.....DX btw let’s play watchers are also real Persona fans and I’d say even people who just like Joker in Smash are at least Joker fans and that’s ok too enough gate keeping guys DX), it happened when we started getting spinoffs, kinda with the P3 movies (only really cause FeMC fans were salty or P3 fans upset what was cut/changed, but it wasn’t on any toxic level tbh just normal complaints, I think the fact it was a movie instead of an anime bypassed newer fans than with P4/5 animes), it happened when P5 solidified it into the mainstream gaming market (I’ll stand by P4 helped break Persona into it via all the other avenues of mainstream, with P5 finally latching the main series into mainstream games.....I say mainstream cause spinoffs are looking the same as pre mainstream which.....>.> *shrugs* could be better imo), it happened with P5′s anime, and it happened with Smash Bros. And tbh I’m sure it happened or will happen with the Steam community (and Switch/Xbox if it ever goes there too) and P4G (P4 fans go through the same cycle of BS constantly, most of which I believe originated with the anime generation, that it’s hard to tell if there was an uptick or not). And it’ll probs get an uptick again with P6, and then P6′s anime. And maybe manga cause maybe P6 fans like the P5 fans and won’t listen when people say “don’t get attached to the manga name it’s probs not gonna be used so hold off till the anime” but hey let’s have drama for no reason cause we need it. 8U (obvie you can still like the manga name, it’s more for people complaining about name changes or not getting why Atlus just didn’t keep the manga name even tho an explanation is probs within arm’s reach and they were warned beforehand)

*sighs* Sorry back on topic, each time the fandom grows so will toxic fans. Tbh I feel like the phrase “toxic fans” are thrown around a lot. And it’s esp used for only....”haters” it feels like and I don’t think that’s right (cause it can be fans too), it just feels like ANY negativity (even constructive and kept reigned in by certain users) is viewed as that. Like take me, I’m sure I’m probs labeled as a “toxic fan” due to be being a Megaten/Persona fan but disliking P5 and talking shit/calling it out. But I try my damnedest to do that in the appropriate places (ie my personal blog, maybe a confessions place, or a thread/board that’s expressing negatives only OR it’s explaining/expressing pros and cons type of stuff, I find that to be the best because it keeps people who want to vent away from people who want to gush so no war happens, not saying I am perfect or you HAVE to follow this or you are toxic, it’s what I decided to ascribe to and find it works well and good enough and it gives me a better fandom experience). Aka, I don’t go on twitter to someone’s fanart of Yukari or Makoto and trash the character because I’m not a freaking asshole (or in this case a ~toxic fan~). But this also applies to the “fans” as well who will talk about something they like (character/game) but the ONLY  way they can raise it up is by tearing down something else (other character/game), it’s really rude and also toxic as well. Negativity is not inherently bad all the time, and Positivity is not inherently good all the time (with positivity it’s more of giving yourself a break from it rather than saying something positive can be bad at times, tho I’m sure there are times that-that has happened but it’s 2:30 am and I don’t want to think of an example for that). It’s how it’s used/expressed. I see the Twitter community trying to combat the “negativity” by trying to only spread “positivity” and I’m afraid 1) any negative expression, even constructive, will be scorned (I guess I’m afraid of us going back to a hivemind mentality again), but most importantly 2) the people trying to head it are going to be burned out and it’ll hurt them mentally (I do not want it to happen obvie, but I know personally it can wear you down which is why I’m concerned). Don’t get me wrong I love what they are doing/trying to do, but I think we’re generalizing the word “negativity” and “positivity” a bit too much and it’s just raising a few red flags for me (I’m just hoping I’m being paranoid/overanalyzing in this case). 

Uhhh there was one last thing I wanted to address.....Oh yeah gate keeping. I know you asked about Smash but this stuff is kinda related and hey think of it as a history lesson for the Persona fandom (or at least Nusona cause I didn’t have a game system in the 90s ;_; plus wee little me wouldn’t have been able to find P1/2 fandoms back then due to me not really using the internet like I do nowadays till around P3 was probs released). Plus you know how long winded I am so this is kinda what you sign up for, 3 am ramblings of overexplaining~! But gdi I will try to cover all the bases and get my point across in....some fashion. 8U

But yeah, Gatekeeping in relation to the Smash fans, cause I see Persona fans shit on new fans that got into Persona through Smash (I know above I said Joker fans are valid Joker fans rather than Persona fans, but I’m assuming they’ve yet to play/watch Persona and are just aware of Joker and are a fan of him vs the fans who saw Joker and then watch/played the games to get into the fandom. One set is a fan of a character vs the other set got into a franchise because of said character. Like I wouldn’t say I’m a FE fan cause I liked Marth/Roy in SSBM, which is why I have that distinction myself BUT if you wanna call yourself a Persona fan that’s valid, you’re valid, it’s whatever, I don’t really care about the details that much, I just have two categories for convenience). Anyway I don’t think it’s fair to shit on them. Same as I don’t think it’s fair to shit on anime only or manga only fans. Or if they got into the fandom through Nusona (Oldsona is P1/2, Nusona is P3-5 atm). Or Oldsona. Or another Megaten game. 

Maybe it’s cause I came from P4, where it got shit on cause it wasn’t (”dark”) like P3, it wasn’t (”dark”) like Oldsona, it wasn’t “dark” like other Megaten games, it got shit on every way to Sunday for daring to try to have a more lightened mood at times (3 murders happen, we see 3 dead bodies, a 6 yo dies onscreen, we have characters going through intense existential crises, we deal with characters mourning through death as well as other relatable struggles, basically shows our teammates die one by one in the final boss, having a chance to hear Naoto’s death scream on the phone if you don’t stop Adachi, just the “you didn’t save the person” phone calls in general, talks about society’s toxic gender roles and how it can negatively effect a person both to an extreme extent and minor, god forbid they eat an animal cracker to lighten the mood, and this isn’t counting the dark shit that happens in the spinoffs). As if P1/2/3 don’t have comedy, or any other Megaten game, all the demons are freaking weird of course there is comedy. Oh and it also got shit on for going mainstream first, and not even counting that it got shit on for spinoffs (which P3 was included but no P3 gets a pass for some reason), and the fact that it was shit on for not being P5 (before and a little while after P5 came out) because it wasn’t “dark” like P5 (fdksjafajkfljafj P5 has it’s moments, esp with Shiho, tho P4D did it first and went through with it, but seriously each game has it’s own light and dark moments and one isn’t better than the other only cause they have more of one than the other). And....*sigh* let’s just say thank god that I was able to buy other Megaten games right before the flood gates of shit came in, cause I dunno if I would’ve wanted to give it a chance if I had to hear my fav game shit on constantly. I say I dunno cause tbh I was craving more after P4 so badly I still would’ve probs gotten into it regardless of the fandom, I wanted more from the franchise even if it wasn’t 100% like P4. 

But tbh I don’t blame P5 fans, anime fans, or Smash fans for maybe not wanting to get into the rest of the series. I get old fans of whatever feeling like they are...I dunno being invaded? By new people in the fandom. Or their afraid of new fans not fully understanding the franchise (hey guys that’s where you teach people instead of try to passive aggressively try to get them to leave the fandom I dunno maybe make posts to educate instead of trying to push away??? 030). And change is hard and yeah. And maybe you don’t like the new game (keep in mind there’s a diff between saying “*insert* Sux” and “I don’t like *insert* because...” one’s shitting on something and the other is constructive), but hey shitting on the game they like is probs not gonna win them over to your fav game sflkdjafkjafja Educate and be helpful, don’t gatekeep and drive people away. That’s a sure fire way for us to lose this franchise (remember we almost lost Atlus all together, but it was able to get a 2nd life thanks to P4 saving it....tbh probably wouldn’t have ever gotten P5 nor SMTV nor any spinoffs if not for P4′s success with its game and anime, this is both a history lesson and a word of warning since it already almost happened once). 

Tldr; Smash didn’t help but it’s really just the fact the fandom got bigger and bigger fandom means we also end up getting more toxic fans mixed in. Twitter now is basically 2012-2015!Tumblr (diff is Tumblr’s was a hivemind vs Twitter’s now extremist two sides only thing), and Tumblr’s porn ban probably migrated a lot of their toxic fans to Twitter which probs hasn’t helped any fandoms on there. Negativity in general isn’t an issue, it’s if you’re being an outright asshole where it’s an issue. Don’t be an asshole in general, if you need to vent then vent where you need to, if you wanna gush then gush were you need to and without bringing anyone/anything down obvie. You are a Persona fan, regardless of where/how you started. Don’t gatekeep for the love of god, or so help me Jack Frost will sneak into your house and smack you in the face with a snowball (and if he doesn’t then I will.....jk...half jk 8U). Also *sprinkles of (allusions to? I dunno I tried it’s 3 am and my 2nd try on answering this and the first one was just as long) Silly’s Persona fandom history lessons throughout the post*

[motleycrueroadie]

Along for the Ride (pt. 6)

Author’s Note: It has been a while, so thank you to anyone who is returning to this story! I will apologize for the delay, going back to work has been hectic. With everything going on right now, if reading this and consuming this kind of content helps you to take a break then I’m very glad to provide that. Enjoy xoxo. 

Previous Chapters: One I Two I Three I Four I Five I

A lot of time has passed since I’ve been to a party, let alone a party with a horde of strangers. The last time that I was ,what might be defined as, “partying” was during high school. Even though varsity sports were a large commitment, there were always athletes who made it part of their weekly routine to get as hammered as they possibly could on Friday and Saturday night. The football players were the main ones to spend copious hours belligerent, and they turned to the other fall athletic teams to join them. A lot of my teammates were skinny little things who were borderline obliterated within two cups of foamy, cheap keg beer but no other sport could beat them and myself at the beer mile. The athletes were pretty much the only people I partied with because they were the only people I was seeing throughout the year. Yet here I am four years later, having not attended a party since graduation and I was set to attend some random stranger’s party to scope out Tommy’s suggested lead singer. 

When Tommy had suggested Vince at dinner last week he went on to explain that he knew him from high school and not from Suite 19 or any other band he played for - which to me was a good starting sign considering that Greg hadn’t worked out. I had not realised I was Tommy’s senior by four years up until he was talking about him and Vince’s high school days.  Tommy admitting his age to me really had put things into perspective for myself.

 Four years have passed since I graduated and I still had yet to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Upon finishing high school, all I knew with regards to my future was that I needed to be on my own and find myself. To begin, finding out who I was meant that I needed to start from my roots and make my way up. Despite not being completely fit parents,  my mother and father were incredibly passionate people. Before the haze of drugs and partying had blinded them, my parents were both madly in love with one another and with music. None of their life was mapped out and planned tediously, otherwise I wouldn’t have been in the picture. When they were seventeen and seniors in high school, my mom found out she was pregnant with me. Even though this put a delay in their goal to travel with the music, it never stopped them. We lived in a 1959 Volkswagen Van and put thousands of miles on it as we traveled from venue to venue following the voices of the 60′s. Of course, we settled down come the fall when the summer tours and festivals died down and I needed to go to school. We would live right here on the Sunset Strip in a shitty little one bedroom apartment. I slept with my parents on a mattress on the floor. During the week I would attend school and they would work at whatever odd job they had found, then come the weekend they would put me to bed and head out for the shows. After their death, I moved in with my grandparents a few hours north of Los Angeles for 7 years until I turned 18. That’s when I set out to find myself. Funny thing is, it’s almost been four years out here and I’m no closer to finding out who I am than the day I left home. 

“You’re not that much older than me Janis,” Tommy had said while we were talking about my age, “Mick, when did you graduate high school?” This was another of his attempts to figure out Mick’s age. 

“Before your balls even dropped.” Mick was quick to shut Tommy down every time. I smiled at Mick and held out my hand for a fist bump, which to my surprise Mick had returned. Mick was older than the rest of us, but none of us were sure by how much. Even though Mick fronted a bit of a tough exterior, he liked to joke around and have fun like us - He just wasn’t as young as us anymore, it was a different kind of fun. 

That night, after the guys had gone back to practicing, I went back to my usual nightly routine. Being that it was Sunday, I didn’t have to go in for work but it also meant that I had to keep my regular sleep schedule since I was due for another 11-7 shift the next day. That left me from the time I woke up at 3:30 pm until 7:00 am to pass the time. This meant that I would have a smoothie and go for a run, come back for a shower and more food and the rest of the time I spent cleaning every nook and cranny in the apartment and reading. Days off though, was time for grocery shopping. There was only one supermarket in the nearby area that was open 24 hours and I was one of the only people who tended to do their shopping at midnight. However, on this night I had company. Nikki came along with me despite the fact that he had work in the morning. It wasn’t until the walk home that I learned the true motive behind the company on the trip. He wanted me to come with them to this party to scout out Vince. At first I was confused. 

“Why do you want me to come? It’s your band.” He nodded in agreement, acknowledging that it seemed like an odd request. 

“You’ve kind of been along for most of this, so even though it’s not your band I feel it’s only right you come along for the ride.” My continued confusion must have read on my face because he spoke again, “I met Tommy at your diner and you called Mick when I wouldn’t.” 

“You would’ve eventually called him yourself, and I’m sure you would’ve met Tommy after your show anyways.” He shook his head at me while we continued walking. 

“Janis, I was only in that diner because I was there to see you. Tommy was there by coincidence. I wouldn’t have called Mick either. I would have just let myself be happy I had Greg and went along with it until we became another Suite 19 or London.” I had opened my mouth to reply to him and he cut me off, “I’m trying to say you’ve helped me form this band whether you believe it or not, and I want you there when we’re looking at what could be our lead singer.”

“Then I’ll be there to make sure you get your skinny blonde fucker.” He laughed with me and we continued in comfortable silence back to our apartments. That was almost six days ago, today I stood in the living room of Nikki’s apartment at 4:30 on a Friday waiting for Mick to come so that we could all go to this party. Up until now, I hadn’t really seen Nikki’s apartment, but now that I was in it I realised why. The fact that there were roaches infesting this building was not beyond my knowledge, however I managed to keep them at bay by keeping my apartment clean and the food sealed. The garbage left out by Nikki and the mess all over the place was a haven for all sorts of bugs, evident by the ants and roaches freely roaming the brown carpet (which is supposed to be white). Despite this, I wasn’t assuming that Nikki was 100% a slob - more or less 50% a slob, and the rest I can chalk up to him not knowing any better. I know Nikki hasn’t always had or accepted the type of discipline and skill that a parental figure would instill to keep a tidy home. However, even though I was understanding, it didn't mean that I could bear the smell any longer. Moving out of the apartment, I joined Tommy out on the balcony where he was having a cigarette while Nikki was still getting ready.

“Tell me more about Vince.” I spoke, Tommy turned his head from the view of the Strip to acknowledge my presence. Leaning against the railing next to him, Tommy put his arm around my shoulder. Since our initial encounter at the diner, I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know Tommy a little bit better when hosting dinners and talking to him. He reminded me of the little brother I never got to have, full of energy and youth. We balanced each other out well in conversations, he was able to get me excited and rambling while I reigned him in but listened intently to everything he had to say. 

“Why? Trying to see if he’s worth getting into bed with?” Tommy winked at me, I knew he was trying to frazzle me. “Jeez JJ, you haven’t even seen him yet.”

“Looks are just a small slice of the pie, I need to know if he’s got brains or not” I replied. 

“Vince’s brains are in his pants. The thing about Vince is that he’s a great guy to be around if you’re a guy.” He took a drag from the cigarette before continuing, “So just make sure he knows you’re one of the guys.” The red car I knew to be  Mick pulled up in front of the complex, so I turned back to the apartment where I had left the door ajar and yelled for Nikki.

“Sixx! Mick is here!” I heard something hit the floor behind him as Nikki emerged from the apartment and closed the door behind him. “You don’t lock your door?” I asked him, genuinely confused considering the equipment they kept there for rehearsing. 

“Why would anyone want to steal from me?” He answered my question with another question, which was something I was notorious for doing and he knew it. 

“Your equipment is in there though.” 

“And? Are the people who won’t even talk to me, who live here, going to steal it?” Being that he was a little snarky today, I figured he needed a reminder of who he was talking to. 

“Well I guess whoever wants to take your shit needs to get past all the garbage and the smell first.” I replied, walking down the stairs with Tommy towards Mick’s car. His silence was quite audible and I knew I had struck the right chord. 

“It’s not that bad in there!” Tommy was quick to come to his defence, especially considering he would be moving in with Nikki at some point. The two of them had discussed this over dinner not long ago.

“You boys have just been spending enough time in it that you’ve become used to it.” I said. In that moment I realised how badly these two boys needed a voice of reason and guidance around. They thought that it was quite acceptable to live like that. “You’re lucky I’m around, I’ll be the one to stop you from being evicted by the L.A Health Department.” 

“Get off your fucking high horse.” Nikki scoffed as we grew closer to Mick’s car. I lifted my foot and pressed it into the crook of Tommy’s knee while pushing my hand into Nikki’s chest to throw them both off balance. They both stumbled slightly as I took off into a run, swinging open Mick’s car door I slid into the passenger seat.

“Let’s go!” I yelled, leaning out the window and laughing as Tommy and Nikki fumbled into the backseat. Despite the fact that Nikki had seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed, today he had a smirk on his face as he and Tommy squished their body’s into the backseat of the Mazda. Knowing Nikki, only a little bit, I could maybe conclude he was nervous about whether Vince would work out of not. They sounded good without a lead singer, and I know he wants someone to match the rest of their talent.

“Mick Mars, you ready to go get a blonde fucker?” I asked him, sticking out my hand for a fist bump. He returned the gesture before shifting the car into drive. 

“This kid better be good, drummer.” Was the reply that Mick offered as we took off towards the house party. Arriving on the street, the first thing we noticed were the dozens of cars lined up and the second was the noise from down the block. As we got out of the car, Tommy let us know that the noise was Vince. Nikki had commented that he sounded good for now and everyone’s spirits were high. As we entered the backyard, the third thing that we all noticed was how easily these guys stood out in the crowd. The people at this party were very obviously preppy, the colour palette was very warm and looked just like the people I would have hung around with in high school. In fact, if these guys weren’t here then I would blend in quite well. The four of us were stopped in the entrance of the backyard, and I felt a hand on the small of my back as Nikki started making his way into the sea of strangers. 

“I want a shot of Jack already and we’ve been here for two seconds” He whispered in my ear as the four of us made our way to the makeshift bar in the middle of the backyard. As we approached the table, Nikki took a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the hand of someone passing by. They turned in protest but then decided against it once taking in the sight of us. Leaning against the table, I was paying attention to the band on stage. The four guys on the stage were playing a cover of Billy Squier’s My Kind of Lover and though it was nothing special compared to the original, I would say the lead singer was using the song to his advantage. The women were flocking to the front of the stage, infatuated with him. Tapping my foot along to the beat, I felt a hand on the small of my back again as the bottle of Jack appeared in my vision. Shaking my head, I gently pushed the neck back towards Nikki. Even though the offer was denied and he didn’t need my attention anymore, Nikki’s hand remained and I was hyper-aware of the fact. 

“Fucking cover band?” Mick questioned, sounding displeased. 

“Yeah but I’m telling you, I went to high school with this guy.” Tommy continued to vouch for Vince, attempting to convince Mick to see past the exterior. Unlike Mick, I was hearing a voice that could go with the heavy metal these guys have been playing. 

“You’re telling me you haven’t played covers to make a cheap buck Mick?” I questioned, looking back at him as he took the bottle of Jack from Nikki. His scowl softened ever so slightly, which served as the silent reply I needed. Tommy and Nikki stepped forward a little away from the table to talk and I stayed there with Mick.

“I know what you mean though Mick,” He glanced his eyes over at me before returning to watch Vince, taking a sip from the bottle. “You want to know if the guy is serious about the music or in it for something else. I get it” He nodded appreciatively, a man of few words. I couldn’t tell if I was on the right track, but when he stuck his fist out towards me I knew I had been right. Quickly bumping my fist against his, I caught his smile as he took another sip from the bottle. 

“This isn’t our style.” Mick called out to Nikki and Tommy. The two looked back at Mick before Nikki motioned his hand out to the crowd in front of the stage. 

“I don’t care if he can sing or not, look at what he’s doing to those chicks” He replied. Tommy turned his whole body around and came walking towards me with a grin, which I knew was not a good sign.

“Yeah JJ, look at what he’s doing to those chicks. You creaming your jeans yet?” He laughed at how uncomfortable I appeared from his statement. I wasn’t ignorant to the stares from both Mick and Nikki as they awaited my thoughts. 

“Blondes aren’t my type Tommy.” I replied, but it didn’t appear that he was letting up on me. Standing next to me as we listened to the tail end of the song, Tommy looked like he had something else to say. 

“They might not be your type, but blondes are Vince’s type. You’re my bribing factor JJ.” Tommy said, he tried to walk away but I grabbed onto the sleeve of his jacket. 

“You are not pimping me!” I whisper shouted at him, he laughed and pulled his jacket out my hand as the song ended. 

“We are Rock Candy!” Vince said into the microphone as he exited the stage. Nikki returned to the table beside Mick and myself, his arm going around my shoulder. 

“Shitty name” mumbled Mick and I nodded in agreement. 

“I heard something about Tommy pimping you out to Vince,” Nikki said low enough that only I was hearing it. Shifting under the weight of his arm I looked up at him. 

“ Not only are blondes not my type, but neither is being pimped out” I replied as we watched Tommy and Vince embrace. “His voice is right for you guys, but you’ll need to help him tweak it. Billy Squier is much different than what you guys are playing.” Nikki nodded in agreement with me. The two of us continued to watch Tommy and Vince talk as Tommy pointed back at the three of us before handing him something. He bounded back to us with the type of energy that I envied. 

“I gave him the tape to listen to, it’s got my number on it so I told him to call!” Tommy sounded excited, so I took it that the exchange between the two of them went well. For the sake of these three guys and all the hard work that I had seen them putting into this band thus far, I was really hoping that this would all work out for them. More so, I was quite excited to leave this party and return home to relax before my shift began and I would be dealing with the Friday night leftovers from the Sunset Strip shows. 

A couple weeks had passed since we had ventured to the pool party to watch Vince, and despite how excited Tommy had seemed, the man with promise had yet to even give them a phone call. With each day that went by, I could tell the guys were becoming discouraged  even though they continued to practice every night like clockwork. I tried to keep things constant for them on my part, and made sure that the door was open to welcome them for dinner every night after practice. 

The more that I was around the guys, the more I got to know them. Tommy had learned to play in the drums from the high school marching band, but was one of the most musically inclined of the bunch. When Nikki had met Tommy in the diner, I hadn’t noticed the drumsticks he had been carrying, but since then I had taken note that he did in fact always have a pair glued to him. He was constantly fidgeting with them to the point where I had threatened to toss them into the trash if he hit me one more time while twirling them. In typical Tommy fashion he had apologized profusely. He also told me he appreciated that I was so upfront with him about the things he did that piss me off - something he said his parents were not the greatest at. Mick on the other hand, was a bit of a harder egg to crack. All I could really tell about him was the fact that something seemed to bother him all the time, he never looked like he could quite get comfortable no matter where we were. Nikki and I remained on the same page. We hadn’t really had the opportunity to hang out, just the two of us since Mick joined the trio and I was okay with it for now. What was becoming of increasing concern to me though was their love of substances. The past couple of weekends, the three of them came to the diner during my shift after having watched someone playing at the Starwood or the Whiskey, being as loud and obnoxious as I had ever seen them. Carlos always made sure to poke his disapproving head over the kitchen window and give me his signature “fix it” stare. I tried to shovel bread and water into their systems to slow them down, and they would soon leave just as quickly as they entered, with shouts of “you have to come out soon JJ!” and “live up to the Janis name!” echoing as they exited back onto the street. I knew drugs and alcohol were part of the music scene, and I  wasn't a stranger to them myself, but I knew when to stop. Since I hadn’t seen them party in person yet, I couldn’t gauge whether or not they knew when to stop, but a gut feeling was telling me that they did not in fact know when to stop. 

Today though, was a Monday which meant a fresh start to the week. Feet to the pavement at 4:30 and I was off. The guys always waited until they heard me going down the stairs before they began playing to make sure that I was awake, it was quite the considerate thing to do. Making my way through the streets of Los Angeles, I noticed that it was absolutely sweltering today and the white shirt that I was wearing would soon become quite see-through. The marquees of the Whiskey and the Starwood adorned names that I don’t recognise but that I’m sure Tommy could ramble on about for hours with the aid of Nikki. Those two could give my parents a run for their money when it came for the love of music. I could turn the radio on or throw in a random cassette and as long as it was rock, those two could name the artist, the song, the album and their thoughts within 30 seconds of the song. I had to admit, it was impressive. Rounding the corner that led back to our street, I was ready for a shower. Glancing down at the white shirt, I noticed that my prediction had reigned true. Crossing at the traffic light, there was a beautiful, red 280Z car parked out front the apartment complex. Knowing the people that lived in the building, there was no one with enough money to own that kind of car. Confused, I headed up the stairs while peeling the shirt off my back and tossing it over my shoulder. There was no music coming from Nikki’s apartment, only lots of voices. Continuing up the stairs, I heard a woman’s voice speak. 

“I’m just trying to make sure these guys are good enough to play with you baby.” Those were some odd words. Walking quietly, I paused at the ajar doorway. Mick could see me through the crack but I motioned for him to stay quiet. He started into a riff, while a voice started singing, which I recognised as Vince. After only playing for no more than 30 seconds, the same voice called out, “This isn’t right!” She wasn’t wrong. They mumbled among themselves about how they could change the song so that it sounded better. Nikki said something about muzzling that I didn’t quite pick up but judging by the outcry of curses from the woman, it had to do with muzzling her. Mick just started back into the song again, at a faster pace to silence her. They sounded a lot better. As they started getting into the song I recognised it to be “Live Wire” whose lyrics Nikki had shown me over dinner a while back. Figuring that they would be distracted while playing, I opened the door further which let in more light and I leaned against the doorway listening to them play. Nikki and Tommy had noticed and smiled at me before Nikki motioned with his head over to Vince who was just coming to the tail end of the song. “Holy shit” breathed the woman on the couch. 

“Holy shit is right, that sounded great!” I exclaimed. Nikki grabbed my hand and shook it enthusiastically while Tommy yelled out in agreement. Mick in his true fashion just smiled and nodded along. Without even looking at him, I knew Vince was staring at me. Sticking out my hand for an introduction I spoke to Vince, “Janis Jade, you must be Vince?” He took the hand and gave it a firm shake, pausing while opening his mouth to speak.

“Tommy said you would be here,” He glanced over his shoulder at Tommy and back at me, giving me a once over. “And I have to say I’m quite glad that you are.” Glaring at Tommy, he feigned innocence and shrugged his shoulders. Damn bastard did try to pimp me out. Dropping Vince’s hand I side stepped him and stuck my hand out for the woman who remained sitting on the couch through all this. 

“Janis Jade, I’m Nikki’s upstairs neighbour.” She looked at my hand but did not return the gesture. 

“Baby, you better not be getting any ideas with her around just because she’s sleeping with Nikki.” Though she was quite ignorant, I kept my cool. I was as covered, if not more, than some of the people he was talking to at the pool party. Glancing over my shoulder at Nikki who was beginning to open his mouth, I stuck my hand up slightly to signal him to stop.  

“My apologies sweetheart, I’m sure my midriff was giving him all sorts of ideas.” Grabbing the white shirt from over my shoulders I pulled it over my head. My sweat had made it so that my cleavage was as bright as day but the rest of my torso was covered. Pulling the shirt taut by the hem so that this was emphasised to her I continued, “There we are.” Letting go of the end of my shirt and turning on my heel, I waved to everyone. “Things are sounding good you guys! I’ll bring down some dinner around 8:30.” The silence in the room was deafening but the thumbs-up of support from Tommy didn’t go unnoticed. Walking out the door, I left the boys to deal with the two blondes. 

“I’ll say what we are all thinking. JJ would win in any wet t-shirt contest.” That was unmistakably Tommy’s voice.

Next Chapter 

[bbq-hawks-wings]

Deku!

I know it’s been a while, but this ask was in response to a post I put out asking others to give me characters from HeroAca other than Hawks to stretch my character analysis skills to see what theories, predictions, or just interesting observations I find. Because this is outside the realm of my usual character subjects and my style may not be well known in this tag - I ramble and am long-winded, hence the cut to not be obnoxious to scroll past. As a manga reader I won’t add any information past the anime’s run so far if you’re curious and want to hear what I have to say.

Deku’s an interesting character to look at in the series because compared to the way we find out about literally every other character, we outright know what he’s thinking or what he’s doing or how he’s feeling, so any development we see from him we pretty much see it coming from a mile away. He’s an open book.

In contrast, not many fans were able to see how Aoyama may have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy over his abilities - particularly in the Sports Festival Arc; and this became obvious with the license exam in season 3, but the point goes that while many fans saw it coming, there were those who weren’t able to read between the lines and saw him as a two-dimensional joke character meant to fill up the class roster up to that point.

We don’t really have that level of mystery or uncertainty with Deku. As the main viewpoint into the series and the world Horikoshi is building, we’re basically experiencing everything that’s happening vicariously through Deku. Yet, it’s not like there’s no room for theories, specularization, or characterization with his character. I’ve already said I’m avoiding spoilers so theories and most speculation are out of the question as I can only vaguely hint that there’s some potentially neat thematic parallels beginning to be explored in part through him, but that’s about as many of the beans I can spill without dumping out the whole thing.

I had some neat stuff to talk about before I actually sat down and started writing this and realized so much of it was spoiler-y; but at least in way of my opinions on Deku, I haven’t actively rooted for the main anime protagonist like this in a while and his likeability is off the charts. That said, he’s not a stellar role model just yet, mainly due to his hero complex. We’ll see some of the nuance of this subject explored in the next season, but by and large Deku’s drive to save people can use some level-headed reigning in before he acts. There are many times where his action is completely appropriate and justified - almost always when there’s someone right in front of him that needs saving; and let me make it perfectly clear that the unyielding drive to help someone in distress is a positive quality through and through; but when he goes out of his way to break the rules and disregards the repercussions in order to save someone I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t gotten in much bigger trouble so far what with his history of it at this point.  That’s all to say that he’s a loose canon in the series so far and needs more experience before he’s real top hero material.

However, I don’t think this lone wolf mentality is what Horikoshi is trying to glorify or endorse through the series. My guess is that the series as a whole is philosophically leaning towards the Good Samaritan principle. (I said I wasn’t theorizing, but I guess I’m a liar now.)

If you aren’t familiar with the story of the Good Samaritan, it’s a parable in the Bible Jesus told about doing the right thing in helping others, no matter who you or the other person is - even if under normal circumstances the person you’re helping would despise you. This story is so iconic that there’s a type of law named after it - The Good Samaritan Law.  (And if you’re unfamiliar with it you should read it and the other parables in the Bible, they’re not just moral tales but might get you good points on an English/Literature essay if you reference them well.) 

It differs from place to place and not all countries have them, but the principle is if you think someone is in immediate danger and you attempt to save them they can’t turn around and sue you for “wrongdoing.” For example, if you see a baby or an animal locked in a car on a hot day and you smash the windows to pull them out and get them cooled down, whoever owns that car can’t sue you for smashing their windows and damaging their car. There’s a lot more nuance and fine print, but that’s the basic idea. In many cases where this law exists it actually legally obligates the bystander to help. The hope is that these laws help reduce the Bystander Effect (really neat if you look it up, but also scary and very humbling) and encourage people to help those in imminent danger without fear of negative repercussions.

Something I didn’t quite realize until now is that with the advent of a superhuman society, the Good Samaritan Principle is largely done away with all the way across the globe. Even if people are in active, life-threatening danger, you can’t use your powers to step in unless you have a hero license or you risk getting in serious legal trouble. To an extent this is understandable in a precarious and delicate situation - just look at the precision called for in the second half of the Provisional License Exam; but it occurred to me that not only are everyday people discouraged from getting directly involved they’re actively penalized if they do! If a hero was already on the case or shows up while you stall for time it makes sense to not insert yourself and complicate matters - you wouldn’t get in the middle of a hostage negotiation, for instance. Yet, that’s not what we see reflected in the series. There’s an over-saturation of heroes to the general public so that there’s almost always a hero close by to swoop in which rarely ever leaves an opening for someone else to step in while a hero is on their way; and the problem with this is that it leads to an over-dependence on heroes to intervene in other’s lives instead of taking the responsibility into one’s own hands as a citizen of the community.

This has repercussions that are directly echoed across the series, even (and especially) up to date. If you’re not a hero, you’re supposed to step back and let a “professional” handle it. If there’s truly no “Good Samaritan” exception in the world of HeroAca then that really gives Deku a solid ideal to embody and work towards in his world. He outright inspired All Might at the beginning of the series because he demonstrated the Good Samaritan Principle when rescuing Bakugo.

“It doesn’t matter that he hates me and bullies me and steps on my dreams. It doesn’t matter that I’m not a hero and can’t even stand up for myself. It doesn’t even matter that I don’t have any kind of superpower to use in this situation. He’s in danger and if I don’t do something now he’ll die! I can’t let that happen, and I won’t let that happen!”

That’s literally the parable in a nutshell. He even gets reprimanded for it after the fact, but he certainly doesn’t apologize for it. Deku is the personification of the “hero’s heart.” It’s recklessly helping others when they need help, and the moment he recognizes that someone is lashing out in pain (a la Todoroki or Shinsou or even Bakugo) he instantly recognizes that even though they may be against him in the moment and that threat needs to be reigned in, they’re still as much in need of saving as someone falling from a building. While All Might deterred crime through threat of force, Deku is on track to deter them before they even get to that place at all, and his character is making a case of normalizing this mentality instead of drawing black and white lines in the sand and chasing the symptoms of the disease rather than the cause. (I’m literally having a big brain moment typing this, “All Might-y power” in one generation vs “Deku” as someone who might normally be worthless but only needs a nudge to become “Dekiru/ I-can-do-it!”)

It’s a theme resonating through the series about how heroism and villainy both have roots in the heart, and while there are threats that have to be dealt with in the immediate and physical, there’s still an emotional and psychological component that has not only gone unaddressed for too long but is directly responsible for the surge of villains in society. You can already see it in so many of the League of Villains’ members (and some of the more troubled heroes) - if someone had been there to reach out their hand and metaphorically save them when they personally needed it in their lives (“It’s okay, I’m here.”) then they probably never would have become bad guys in the first place.

When all’s said and done, I think that’s the point of Deku’s character in the story, why he’s the main character, and why he’s going to be the greatest hero in the world.

~~~~~

Wow, that was more satisfying to write than I thought it would be. And to you, Momo and Uraraka anon, I have heard your question and I am trying to get it out soon. I just have… Much work to do.

After that, though, I hope to open HC requests again soon!

[bereft-of-frogs]

Fanfic Author Asks

Thanks for tagging @veliseraptor ! Drinking red wine, wrote 1.5k words, ready to answer some questions!

Author Name: bereft of frogs

Fandoms You Write For: I’ve really gotten onto an MCU streak. I’ve never been this productive in my life. And churning out like...actual completed fics. MCU is apparently my current home. I also sometimes write for Les Misérables, and, despite my griping earlier today, I do still have my ‘Death Gods magnum opus’ planned for Supernatural. As far as ‘fandoms I write for and never publish’ that list is much, much longer. ;-)

Where You Post: now I only post to Ao3. I have a fanfiction.net account, but I haven’t crossposted anything in years. I still have some bookmarks saved there that I’d like to keep, but it’s unlikely I’ll start regularly posting to fanfiction.net ever again.

Most Popular One-Shot: My most kudo-ed one-shot (defining ‘one-shot’ as self-contained story in one chapter, not part of a serialized narrative’ so I excluded ‘hard road’), is ‘hurts like ghosts’. (If I was counting ‘hard road’ which I maybe should because this one was, technically, a one-shot when I posted it, the answer would be ‘bone and broth.’)

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Easy-peasy answer. ‘pain and other human sensations.’

Favourite Story You Wrote: I honestly, absolutely am super proud of ‘dark underground//violent sky’. It’s pretty fucked up, and I multiple times in the notes said it was “the worst fandom thing I’d ever done” but that was just to cover how much it delighted me. I’m real proud of it.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: I’m nervous for a couple upcoming works, right now, but of what I’ve already posted, probably the third chapter of ‘bound at the end of the world’. Oh no, I remember, it was definitely the chapter ‘Betrayal’ in ‘pain and other human sensations.’ I was rambling in the notes, I was nervous to check for comments. It was not the most Tony Stark friendly chapter, very anti-Sokovia Accords, and introduced a female OC...I was hella stressed. It worked out well though, and really was probably one of my best chapters of that fic.

(I’m frequently nervous posting fics so this question had a lot of possible answers.)

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Honestly it’s mostly ‘how dramatic does this sound’? Rarely it’s song titles (Like ‘spare me over’ from ‘O Death’ and ‘hurts like ghosts’ adapted from Lord Huron’s ‘Love Like Ghosts’.)

Do You Outline: Yes and no. Sometimes fics just pour out of me in a slightly horrifying word-vomit. Bigger projects often have a rough outline of scenes in brackets (example: [background info here] [conversation about X]). The Biggest Project (the Endgame AU) has a very, very detailed outline.

How Many of Your Stories are complete: So far all of them, because I’m terrified of repeating my youthful mistakes. I don’t start posting until I’m 100% sure I can complete it in a reasonable amount of time. Right now I have two in-progress series (the nine in the tree and hard road) but all of my individual fics are technically complete on Ao3.

In-Progress: Um. Well...I guess I have like 10 currently in some state of existing?

Coming Soon:  Been mostly concentrating on the big bangs, but here’s what’s coming:

Marvel Big Bang: ‘of the stern agony and shroud’ (Part I of ‘the dead reign there alone’. Part II ‘his chambers in the silent halls of death’ is also coming along quite nicely, so should be ready by the time the big bangs posts!). Hela reigns in Asgard. Thor and Loki struggle with this.

Thorki Big Bang: (very nervous to post, first foray into the ship) ‘water all around’ A young Thor and Loki go off by themselves and find themselves investigating a mysterious set of disappearances in a small village. (Hundreds of years later, aboard a refugee festival with the last remnants of their people, they’re circling each other again.)

Grandthorki Day: (also so, so nervous to post. It’s really fucking dark. Real dark. I’m sorry. But hey, it’s over 7k words and has a title now.) ‘actors without props//beasts without names’. The Grandmaster likes to put on a show.

Whumptober 2019 Project: (thus far untitled). I picked 8 prompts, a totally reasonable number. Totally. Reasonable. My goal is to start posting on October 24, to culminate on October 31, which is Halloween but also my fandom-versary! I can’t believe I was smart enough a year ago to make my first day actively posting fanfiction Halloween. I truly am, That Spooky Bitch.

I know people are looking for the ‘Endgame AU’ (alone amidst the ruins) to appear on this. But I decided that, personally, feeling satisfied with the narrative is more important to me than rushing it out. The Worst Draft is about 2/3 done, then I’ll start rewriting, I’m really hoping to hit a groove and get it done soon, but I don’t want to make any promises about how soon that will actually be.

Do You Accept Prompts: Sure why not! I’ve asked for prompts before for ‘hard road’, but I’d be happy to take general prompts, or prompts for other series (like ‘the nine in the tree’) or whatever! I had a lot, a lot of fun answering all those AU headcanon asks, so I’m always thrilled when I get asks/questions/prompts! (Can’t always promise that how quickly I’ll get things done, but I’ll do my best!)

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: As much as I’m nervous to post the Thorki big bang, because it does feel a bit like tipping over a cliff, not just taking on a challenge to cover a really popular pairing but also opening myself up to possible intense criticism, or future scrutiny*, I’m honestly really, really satisfied with the narrative and the quality. I’m proud of it. I’m excited to get to share it.

*Even though yes, I am the one who, just hours ago, when faced with the rumors that VE Schwab was an incest shipper/supported incest shipping (accusations thrown around by the Supernatural fandom of all people) did say that if it turned out to be true I’d actually probably respect her more. I’m still a bit nervous.

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions: Ahhh you all know how bad I am at tagging people. I’m going to try, just a couple, but you’re under no obligation and I’m sorry if you’ve already been tagged: @kiwimeringue @adhd-loki

Okay I tagged two actual humans, other than that, please do consider this an open tag! If you want to go for it!