#i promise its gotten better
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🎈💌🤲
eeee thank you j!!!
🎈- describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?
great question because i'm honestly not sure!! i started writing a LONGGG time ago, so it has definitely changed since then. i will say that the way i structure my writing has changed a lot-- i fucking LOVE big, sweeping, emotional paragraphs followed by one short, devastating sentence. obviously this doesn't work for all kinds of writing, but i still think that mentality affects how i write. it tends to be pretty big and grandiose, even if i'm describing a simple thing. pretentious? probably. but oh well. beyond writing itself, i like focusing on how exactly it will be read, how the words contribute to an ebb and flow. i don't think that quite answers the question, but... it's the best i got. but i will say my writing style is absolutely subject to change, and very influenced by what reading/writing i'm doing at the time.
💌- share something with us about a WIP that has you excited!!
oh man. i haven't WORKED on any of my poor WIPs in a while, but i do have ideas floating in my brain that i'm gonna write down eventually (hypothetically...). i guess my favorite of all of those is a piece called mothertongue. it's gonna be a personal reflection on how assimilation has shaped my relationship with culture and language. it'll hopefully pack a VERY emotional punch-- we'll see!
🤲- what do YOU get out of writing?
well, the act of writing has always been a lot of things to me. i started writing in middle school, not knowing that my life would go downhill very slowly, and then VERY quickly. it's always been a form of escapism, something i knew i could come back to when times were tough, something i could create for myself when nothing was going well and i had no one to talk to. without it, i don't know WHAT i would've done. but it's also evolved into so much more. it's a skill that i've honed for the last 8-ish years, that i'm beginning to see the results of. it's a source of satisfaction, of staring at long sentences and paragraphs on a page and knowing that i created and structured each one of them. and it's a source of confidence, security. not because i think i'm objectively good or better than anyone, but because i LIKE my writing. i'm happy with what i do. and i think that's where everyone should aim to be!! and writing isn't the most amazing thing all the time. sometimes i get stuck and angry and doubtful. but when i'm writing anything, beyond all the difficulty of it, i'm always proud of myself. i know that what i'm doing is the result of the work i've done in the past, and i know that what i'll do in the future is the result of the work i'm continuing to do. so really, the most important thing i get from writing is confidence. and i hope that's what every author gets out of it too <33
#ask game!!!!#this became more long winded than i thought#i talk a lot for someone who hasnt written in. a solid month#ill get back on it#also shoutout to ANYONE who read my writing from like. 2015 to 2021#thank you for your service#i promise its gotten better#also i really didnt realize. how long ive been writing for#anyway#thank you j this was very fun <3
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many mirabelle’s for mirabelle's birthday :]
happy birthday to mirabelle !!!!!!
#isat#in stars and time#isat mirabelle#uhhh those are really the main tags huh!!#every few years i remember i like lineless art#and draw to it like once or twice#then proceed to proceed not do it again for a few more years ASFASDASD#BUT i think i'll prob incorporate it more often!!#because like i said!!!! i like lineless!!!!#easier to think in shapes!! and no worrying about smoothish lineart!!!#its like cutting up paper pieces and layering them to make something cohesive to me its awesome#and overall probably better for my wrist LMAO#since snipping at shapes instead of like#ctrl z to a decent line sometimes if that make sense#also alterate outfits are always fun!!!!#oh reverse entry au mirabelle i am sorry for not doing anything for ur au in a while....#i will get back to u i promise......#its just all the current ideas revolve around either the king or nille or bonnie................#whom do not have designs for the au atm and i have not gotten around to designing..... soon tho..... hopefully.............#yeah!!! tag talk over :]
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You know what, fuck it, I have to speak my truth! (this is gonna be a rant, so anyone who actually likes assassin's creed revelations and/or the secret crusade, be warned or maybe don't read this at all)
remember how altaïr talks to king richard at the end of ac1, and richard is like "[humans] come into the world kicking and screaming, violent and unstable. it is what we are. we cannot help ourselves."? and how altaïr answers "no. we are what we choose to be." and how that ACTUALLY has meaning bc he himself was "violent and unstable" at the beginning of the game but he has learned and is now CHOOSING to be a better person who cares about others and humanity at large? remember how his calmness and gentleness was something that he ACQUIRED over the course of the story?
and remember how in revelations they then suddenly had a PRE-AC1 altaïr say about the first of his targets "no man should pass from this world without knowing some kindness." and be all wise and calm and collected during a nice little chat with al mualim, who suddenly acts all fatherly? (like, this is suddenly supposed to be a positive relationship? what??)
also, during the confession the target says to altair: "you put too much faith in the hearts of men, altaïr. [...] humans are weak, base, and petty." and altaïr answers: "no. our creed is evidence to the contrary." KJASJFJDKL???? like, it’s almost insulting how close this exchange is to the one with richard. you know, the one that was actually earned after a whole game of character development. like WTF??? cool congrats now that development means nothing. like, apparently that was just altaïr reverting BACK to being the exemplary assassin who understands and believes in the creed that he was apparently just born as. (i also hate how having a young inexperienced altaïr saying this implies that altaïr's faith in humanity is a sign of naivete instead of a sign of the wisdom he has gained after being confronted with counter arguments for a whole game, and also something that distinguishes the assassins from the templars who use humanity's supposed wickedness to justify controlling them like in AC1, but whatever)
altaïr’s development in AC1 mattered BECAUSE he is not NATURALLY a good person, it actually said something about humanity's capacity for both bad AND good and how humans don't have to be forced to be good through mind control bc they can by their own free will choose to be better when taught how and when allowed the freedom to grow. but no. apparently altaïr has just always been calm, wise and gentle. and he just sort of forgot about that during AC1 bc…. ? bc of adha?? bc of abbas???
oh don’t get me started on the whole abbas thing. (it doesnt even make sense that abbas is so hung up about his father and "his family’s honor", like what about the whole point of al mualim not allowing parents to be close to their children bc it would make them weak? like, my dude, you’re not supposed to HAVE any family aside from the brotherhood)
they used the throwaway character that had like 5 lines and made him into altaïr’s main antagonist in revelations… like, abbas wasn’t supposed to be this ONE dude who had personal beef with altaïr, he was just supposed to show how while altaïr’s revered by many, a lot of his brothers also hate him, bc 1) altaïr is a shitty person at this point and 2) bc there’s no real feeling of community and family in this version of the brotherhood, but just a pervasive sense of competition and jealousy — these assassins don’t care about their goal of safeguarding humanity bc they’re too hung up on petty squabbles and divided by rivalries (you know, the things that made malik hate altaïr even before solomon’s temple and that he overcomes in the end which enables him to forgive and to reconcile with altaïr so they can work together and stop al mualim? (you ever just think about "we are one. as we share the glory of our victories, so too should we share the pain of our defeat. in this way we grow closer. we grow stronger." and cry? bc i do. all the time. malik, the man that you are))
and now abbas is altaïr’s childhood best friend turned lifelong enemy?? like, bowden bent over backwards to come up with an explanation for why altaïr is an arrogant ass at the beginning of AC1, when the explanation is right there: he was raised to kill without asking questions and was constantly praised for how good he is at murder, which resulted in him becoming arrogant and disregarding human life. like, it doesn’t have to be some shakespearean family feud type shit. and guess what, this "simple" explanation actually plays into the story’s themes, who’da thunk!
(like, abbas might not have been a "fleshed out" character in AC1, but he had a specific function and now that function is gone. mr bowden, mr mcdevitt, you know characters are allowed to simply exist to tell us something about their worlds and the systems they live in and sometimes that’s more important and also more interesting than having every single character have a detailed backstory to explain all their behaviors, right?)
with all of this revelations loses all nuance in regards to the levantine brotherhood and also the creed in general. like, altaïr being a master assassin at the beginning despite being a terrible person and not actually understanding the creed is a criticism of the brotherhood and the creed itself. like, it said something about the order that someone like altaïr was able to get that high in rank, simply bc he's good at killing, which also tells us what is considered important in the al mualim era assassin order. when you make altaïr’s arrogance the result of his personal conflicts instead of how we was raised by a brotherhood that only valued one's ability to kill, you lose that characterization of the assassin order itself!
and by suddenly making al mualim a semi good "father figure" you also downplay his manipulation of not only altaïr but all those under his care. (altaïr says something about al mualim being "as a father" to him exactly twice in the codex, but he doesn’t mean by that that he WAS a father to him, what he means is that he was the CLOSEST THING he had bc HE DID NOT HAVE PARENTS, not because his mother died in childbirth and his father was executed when he was young btw, BUT BECAUSE IT WASN’T ALLOWED, like his parents actually lived but weren’t allowed to be close to him, he says he came to view al mualim’s "weak and dishonest" love as enough and even better BECAUSE HE HAD NOTHING ELSE, BECAUSE AL MUALIM ISOLATED HIS ASSASSINS FROM THEIR FAMILIES. al mualim "loved" him bc he was good at killing people for him! hm, i wonder if this could be trying to say anything about cults and indoctrination and the inherent contradiction in fighting for peace and free will by taking children away from their parents and raising them to become killers?? like, altaïr wasn't ~the special orphan boy~ taken in by al mualim bc his father died a hero's death, it was "the way of the order" to have al mualim be the closest thing to a parental figure for everyone to ensure absolute loyalty! altaïr saying al mualim was like his father is not supposed to make you go "oh, he must have actually been a good guy for altaïr to consider him a father", it should make you go "oh that's kinda fucked up that he considers the dude who made him into a killing machine and who manipulated him a sort of father figure"!)
and then in revelations they suddenly portray that relationship as positive and healthy??? like, it would be one thing to give it some nuance by delving into the psychology behind al mualim’s "love" and maybe showing how al mualim did care about altair in a complicated, fraught sort of way (like, you know, there’s a lot of interesting things you could say about al mualim at several points addressing altaïr as "my child" in AC1 and how that parallels Garnier referring to the people he drugged and abused as his "children", and what that says about how the templars view the people who they say they want to save and in whose best interests they supposedly act (in any case, al mualim doesn’t use that phrase because he has any real parental feelings but rather to patronize and to invalidate any objections, like in a "mother knows best" way))
but they even fucking DARE to parallel that relationship with that of altaïr and darim in revelations, by having the reflection in the puddle of darim hugging altaïr showing altaïr hugging al mualim…. like their relationship wasn’t inherently abusive but just tragically cut short because al mualim was just "corrupted by the apple"… like WHAT???? so it’s not the very real problems like grooming, manipulation and indoctrination and the hierarchical structure of the brotherhood itself (all of which are antithetical to the assassin ideology), it was just the evil apple all along. great. that’s DEFINITELY a lot more interesting.
god im sorry i really dont want to spread negativity but this is driving me INSANE. like, somebody please tell me im not crazy bc i feel like somehow most of the fandom is in agreement that revelations and the secret crusade have better storytelling and characterization than ac1.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, can we talk about how, even IF we completely ignore AC1 and treat revelations altaïr as his own character…. the narrative still doesn’t really work?
basically, the whole point of his story in rev is that "he gave his whole life to the brotherhood", this obsession led to him not using his time with his family which has him ending up dying alone in a dark library and this in turn makes ezio reevaluate his life choices…. except. he doesn’t? neglect? his family? or whatever? like, his devotion to the assassins is sort of painted as this tragic flaw that leads to a lonely death bc it supposedly comes at the cost of his family, but… his wife has joined the assassins, (at least) one of his sons is in the brotherhood and even when he goes to protect the assassins against the mongols, he takes his family with him (except for the son who stays behind bc he has a family of his own and who, ironically, ends up dying bc of that)… like, you can’t describe altaïr as a good husband and father in the database and have his son tell him that "everything that is good in me began with you, father" when they say goodbye, and then want to make us believe that he put his family behind the brotherhood and that that is a character flaw that leads to his tragedy.
because you HAVE to have a character’s tragedy be the result of a character flaw. like. that is how tragedies work. otherwise it just becomes tragedy for the sake of tragedy which is… boring bc it has no purpose. and we know it is SUPPOSED to have purpose bc ezIO FUCKING QUITS BEING AN ASSASSIN AFTER WITNESSING IT!
it’s like they want to have their cake and eat it, too — they didn’t want to actually make altaïr a bad husband/father, but still wanted to make his life a tragedy where he loses his family which is why instead they outsource all responsibility to abbas who now has to be the reason for ALL the deaths.
like, they try to make at least maria’s death kind of sort of the result of altaïr’s rashness or whatever but like… these guys KILLED THEIR SON and TOLD HIM THAT ALTAÏR HAD ORDERED HIS DEATH. like, altaïr losing it in response to that is not rash, it’s fucking logical and justified! if anything the scene made me angry at maria for trying to stop him. like, GIRL, he was YOUR son too??? but god forbid we give female characters actual real emotions, she has to fill the role of "voice of reason who dies for altaïr’s man pain" i fucking guess.
like, it’s this weird mix where his tragedy is simultaneously painted as his own fault but also not really bc abbas is the one responsible for all the shit that happens. it just… it just doesn’t really go together.
the only way to make his story make sense narratively and to give it actual purpose is by looking at it in the context of ezio’s story, bc the things he sees in altaïr’s memories are supposed to be a revelation (ha!) to ezio specifically. and i guess that’s maybe the crux of it all — altaïr’s story in revelations was conceived of first and foremost to support ezio’s story and development. which is probably also why many people maybe don’t notice bc, having skipped ac1 and started with ac2, the majority of people mostly care only about ezio and only really appreciate altaïr’s story in as far as it serves to push ezio forward. (tho i’ve also seen a few people say that ezio is also written kind of weird in rev, but i’ve never really been an ezio girly myself so i can’t speak to the truth of that)
like, altaïr dying alone in the library doesn’t really have to make sense for his character, i guess, bc it’s only really supposed to be a cautionary tale for ezio.
so, i guess, for once, they actually had a MAN dying for another man’s character development, which is pretty woke actually. ubisoft, i take everything back jksdsfjhgdsahfhsdhfghfdsgjhsdgjh
#assassins creed#ac1#altair ibn la'ahad#malik al-sayf#ezio auditore#asscreed#rant#long post#this is killing me#i even started rereading the secret crusade bc i thought maybe i remember it being worse than it is#but honestly its the opposite#even just the fact that in the secret crusade altair always says some last sentence after his targets' confessions#has me so irrationally angry aksjdfh#like over sibrands body he says something like 'may death be merciful' or something#like? did they want that to be like requiescat in pace or something???#like aside from the fact that altair WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THESE THINGS#it also just destroys the tension built up by the target's last words#like... i do think it was very much on purpose that the target always had the last word in the confessions#sigh whatever its just a stupid video game from over 15 years ago who cares#(me. i care. unfortunately. i wish i didn't. send help please.)#also the fact that bowden just completely fucked up arabic naming conventions with the whole “umar/darim ibn la'ahad” thing#(which is kind of an achievement considering that wasn't too great in ac1 to begin with)#tho bc of that they kind of inadvertantly ended up implying that roshan is altairs ancestor which i actually kind of like lol#anyways sorry for this giant wall of text#this is probably (definitely) the longest post i've ever made lmsadjf#but i do think i've gotten most of it off my chest.... maybe#maybe ill add stuff if i come across something else that makes me angry lol#sorry i know i promised an essay and instead delivered a rant#i just dont think i have the capacity to actually structure my thoughts any better kajdsf
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dark. that was all he had ever known. cold, dark, damp. the boy shivers in the small room, painfully alone, only a book and his magic to keep him company. he tries not to use his magic very often, though. it seemed that the people above knew when he used it and they always always always refused to give him food until he “woke up” next, if they bothered to keep track of that. maybe this time he’ll learn their lesson. the boy whispers his spell, cur memini, and creates a small light in his fingers. this is the only spell he can cast safely, too small to be noticeable by the people above. he holds his hand over the fading book on the floor. the boy can’t read the letters on the page, but this book has pictures. he flips through it again, careful of the pages that were falling apart, admiring the figure in armor who always comes to rescue the figure in the tower, cut off from the world, just like him. the boy frequently dreams of a figure in armor coming to save him, despite the years he has spent alone. dark and cold and damp.
the room the boy lives in, the only room he has memories of, is empty besides himself and the book. sometimes the people above would give him water and stale bread to eat, and then there was a cup and a dirty plate, but otherwise it was just the boy and the book. the boy knows why the people above have locked him away, they told him that he was a freak of nature, unnatural, dangerous. but the boy could only make lights in his palm, and that wasn’t very dangerous at all. he thinks to himself that the people above are the dangerous ones, locking away a child for something like this, but he can’t say that out loud. he doesn’t want to die again.
the boy’s stomach grumbles and he curls in on himself, the light in his palm fades out. he longs to see the sun again, to play with the other children he can hear through the ceiling, to be normal. the people above must have decided to punish him again, though, as he doesn’t remember the last time he had anything to drink, to eat. his stomach would eat through his skin and he would still wake up the next day. why can’t he just die once and for all and be rid of the pain? why is the world keeping him here? why was he even born?
the boy closes his eyes, and falls asleep. maybe this time it won’t hurt so much.
---
how long has he been here? the boy doesn’t keep track of time. he knows he’s died at least a dozen times, but how long does it take for a dozen lifetimes to pass?
---
a clattering on the floor wakes the boy up. the people above decided he can eat today. stale bread and water again, but better than nothing to the boy. he crawls closer to it, listening to the door. it closes and the voices disappear. where was the sound of the lock? did they forget?
the boy scarfs down his food and water before tiptoeing up the stairs. he doesn’t hear any voices, but he needs to be careful. he doesn’t remember what the above looks like, but he needs to leave. he needs to be free.
slowly, quietly, he opens the door. it’s dark on the other side of it, but still much, much brighter than his room ever was. he closes his eyes but keeps the door open. breathe in, and out. opens his eyes again, blinking the brightness away. pushes the door further open. steps on the hard ground outside the door. he’s so close. closes the door quietly. turns around and holds his breath. where was outside? pick a direction and go. his legs hurt. turn the corner, listen for voices. voices are dangerous, get away from the voices. whisper his spell, create a small light. keep moving keep moving keep moving. window ahead. break it? open it? is he strong enough? lift the window up. too weak. voices coming. hurry hurry hurry must get out now. whisper spell again, hand on window. break the glass and jump through it. cuts on feet cuts on legs deal with that later. voices getting louder voices shouting. run run RUN.
the boy runs away from the building, away from his room. freedom is so close. first get to the trees, then… he hasn’t thought that far, but he will find a way. gunshots from the house. he runs faster, must get to the trees, must hide, must be free. cur memini, he whispers again, crossing into the forest. his spell can make lights and now break windows, but he needs it to protect him at this moment. run run run until the voices are quiet again. his legs are giving out, but he needs to run. he can’t die now or they’ll find him. keep running. bare feet on sticks and stones and sharp things, everything hurts but he can’t stop. he keeps running until the sun comes up. his heart beats out of his chest.
---
when he wakes up he doesn’t know how much time has passed. his heart beats fast and he sits up. did they find him? he looks around. trees, rocks, a gurgling stream. he’s free. he’s free. he sighs and lays back down. how far did he run? he needs to go further. away from other people, away from anyone who might lock him up again. he sits up again and forces himself to stand and walk towards the sound of the stream. he can start there. water is important, and he might be able to get food from the little stream too.
his first drink of the stream water is icy cold, quenching his lifelong thirst in just a few swallows. he washes his face with it, removing years of sweat and grime. he wants to sit by the stream forever if only he could, but the people will find him eventually if he doesn’t keep moving. but he allows himself a few minutes to bathe in the water, savoring the feeling of water on his skin. his stomach still growls, wanting something more filling than the freezing water of the stream, but that would have to wait. he needs to get his bearings.
the light of the outside world is almost blinding, he realizes. the sun and the snow made it almost impossible to see anything. he should get up above the trees. can he even do that? cur memini, he says, trying to get his voice to be louder than a whisper. his feet float a few inches above the ground. he closes his eyes and says his spell again with more conviction. Cur Memini. he feels himself shooting into the air before he opens his eyes. he can see the forest stretch out for miles around him. trees covered in snow in every direction. if the old house is behind him, he should fly straight ahead, towards the forests on the mountains. tentatively, he leans forward and focuses his magic on keeping himself afloat.
it doesn’t take much to exhaust what little magic he has, but he’s put more distance between himself and the old house and the people above now. he should be safe to rest, truly rest. but first he should find something to eat. is there anything to eat out here? something in his head tells him to look a little closer to the ground. to his left. there’s a bush full of berries. he’s never had anything but stale bread, and doesn’t know what to expect as he crushes one with his teeth.
the sensation overtakes him for a brief moment. the berry is sweet, yet tart, and delicious. it’s the best thing he’s ever eaten and he thanks the little voice in his head for the information as he picks several more berries from the bush. the juice runs down his chin and makes him sticky, but it feels good. he feels truly alive for the first time.
once he’s finished picking the bush clean of its fruits, he needs to find a place to rest, to stay warm. he’s shivering in the intense cold of the north, but it’s nothing he isn’t used to. the room was never very warm after all. he listens to the little voices calling out to him, guiding him towards a small cave, instructing him on how to make a small fire to warm himself up. a small rabbit brushes against his leg and he swears one of the voices is coming from it. and with the fire going, he thanks the rabbit before it hops away back into the snow. he would be roasting that same rabbit over the fire a few months later.
the boy can’t stay in the cave forever though. as days turn to weeks turn to months, he worries that the people above are getting closer to him. they’ll put him back in that cold, dark, damp room again. he needs to keep moving. he has been practicing his magic, casting stronger spells, and he needs to be ready to fly. it's been long enough. cur memini he says holding his hand out. a rough stick with twigs tied to the end flies into his hand. it’s a poor excuse for what he understands is a broom, but it will work. he climbs onto it and focuses. cur memini cur memini cur memini. he lifts off the ground and watches as the branches of the trees get shorter and eventually he passes above the treetops.
he takes a moment to gather his bearings. he no longer remembers the direction the house was in, but going up is his best bet of staying away from the people above. he laughs, realizing that he is the one above them now. after a moment, he flies into the mountains. the small voices change into bigger, unfamiliar ones as he gets further into the mountain range. they tell him to hide, to stay away. he doesn’t listen. they cannot be more dangerous than the humans he is running from.
the boy lands, still exhausted from using so much magic, but he was able to travel further this time. that has to count for something, surely. he gathers some sticks and looks for another cave to make his home in. the caves remind him too much of the room he left, so he chooses to stay close to the entrance, close to the light that reminds him he is free. the fire keeps the animals away, but the voices are curious about the new presence in their woods. they make him curious too. he should stay in the cave tonight though and regain his energy. maybe he can get some small game to fill his stomach before settling in for the night. he listens for a rabbit’s voice, or maybe a squirrel, anything that would be small enough to kill with his hands.
at last, a small fox’s voice is heard nearby. he wonders if fox will taste different from the other game he’s eaten thus far. he lifts a hand-sized rock and slinks out of the cave towards the voice. it takes a few minutes to find the source, but the fox is curled under a tree, shivering, hungry, just like him. the boy hesitates before bludgeoning it and slinging the corpse over his shoulders. there are more foxes. he is much more important.
the fox is only the first animal he hunts in those mountainous woods. he spends several years in that forest and eventually humans settle up there as well. the boy, or rather, the man now, has made a name for himself amongst the human populations of the north. he is no longer afraid of humans capturing him and locking him up. they are still terrified of him, but now he is in control of that terror. the hunters that left his territory alive whispered tales of the great wizard owen who inhabited the mountains and terrorized anyone who had the bad luck of running into him.
all of this is perfectly fine with owen. eventually his reputation will grow beyond himself, encapsulating atrocities that were impossible for even someone as strong as oz to commit, but that would be a problem for future owen. for now, he is still young and living in his cave on the outskirts of a small village and scaring hunters who stray too far from their boundaries. the wolves don’t like these visitors either and gladly listen to owen’s lamentations. it keeps his hands clean of the bloodshed if he isn’t casting the spell himself. the wolves don’t care for owen either, but they respect him. and that is enough for owen.
the first of the unwanted visitors was a young man, someone who wanted to provide for his family. he pleaded with owen and the wolves to let him go and he wouldn’t cause any problems. those pleas fell on deaf ears though as owen looked the man in the eyes. won’t your family be disappointed, he asked almost innocently, you don’t have anything to show for your efforts. the man stammered a response, they’d rather i come back alive with nothing than die trying to find food. is that so, owen reached out for the man’s chin, the distance between their faces was almost nothing. y-yes, sir, please just let me go and i won’t bother you anymore. owen grinned. oh i’m sure you won’t be causing us any trouble again. the wolves stalked out of the woods, drooling at the prospect of tearing a piece of that man for themselves. owen snapped his fingers, and they came running forward, only to stop mere inches from the now trembling man. there was a suspicious yellow stain in the snow beneath him. p-p-please sir, anything you ask, it’s yours! then make sure you tell the rest of your little village that this forest belongs to the great wizard owen. the man ran off, leaving behind a hunting rifle and a ratty sack. the rifle would be of use, but the sack became tinder for his fires.
despite the warning from that first man, hunters continued to enter into owen’s territory. and one after the other, they ran off screaming with their tails between their legs. this should have annoyed owen, that people would ignore all of the warnings and stories that had started popping up about him, but it doesn’t. their fear feeds into his magic power, only making him stronger, and that is all fine with owen. he is no longer a weak child locked in the damp, dark basement, and he never will be again.
#shay writes#mahoyaku#promise of wizard#mhyk fanfiction#owen#owen mhyk#owen mahoyaku#character study#my wips#okay putting. disclaimers in the tags bc formatting. i am still new to reading everything#i'm almost done with the ballads. i have one left and its the proud hunter one#and then i'm hoping to start the first anni story#so uhhhhh if anything past the ballads is wrong no its not#jk jk i just havent gotten to it but i also like to take creative liberties with some things#and i definitely have already#trust me this is going to be way longer than it already is#like this is 2.5k words and i'm only posting all of it now bc its owen's birthday#i have several more scenes i want to write out as well that will add probably at least#another 2k words to this#if not more. its gonna be a time#but i did force myself to get to a decent place to end where it wasnt like. the middle of the scene#or a sentence. which some of my wips do accidentally end midsentence. i need to get better at that#but yeah. okay i should go to sleep i am actually sick and need to sleep and pray#i can go to work tomorrw. though if i'm feeling worse thats fine w me#i can sleep in for once#anyway happy birthday owen my mippy <3
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Finally made a Tav meetup image to match my Durge one, also after finally resolving my lag issues i could play a little farther into my Misfortune save (one day i will finish Act 3. It's just so much) which led to us finally being able to break Wyll's pact (yay!) but it also illustrated just how much Mizora gets bullied on her save. I imagine she absolutely loathes appearing in camp because of it.
I also finally get to introduce you to Baphomet! My third Dark Urge whom you might have seen before as a cameo in my Durge meetup art. For the longest time i barely had any art of her, but i've caught the bug i'm afraid so even if it's not a lot it's still enough for an introduction! (And more is certainly on the way)
(Can you tell i have a lot of difficulty drawing her? Because i do.)
Baphomet is a Way of the Four Elements (Fire spells only) Monk good Durge who is, on the surface, the most normal one out of the three. She was raised in a Lathandarian monastery as a star novice, the balance she was taught was what kept the Urges at bay for an unusually long time. This, however, was a double edged sword as when she finally snapped as a full-fledged Monk she was ten times more dangerous. Her killing of a Dawnmaster and several other novices led to her being banished from the monastery, and that's when she set off for the Temple of Bhaal. Yadda yadda main story stuff happens.
As a person Baphy is very stoic, being even less expressive than Tav; she's quiet and generally regarded as almost unreadable by her companions and instead lets her good actions speak for her. Internally there are a lot of things going on in her head though, most of them being her trying to grapple with The Urge. She's a very considerate person and tries to pass fair judgement to everyone, though can be lenient on those that show her kindness. She may not be good with words but she will do all in her power to support you.
#my art#bg3#bg3 tav#bg3 durge#tav: tav#tav: misfortune#tav:lawine#npc: fortune#durge: baphomet#karlach#wyll#mizora#orin#gortash#modern au#because i cant stop drawing these bitches in modern clothes when im too lazy to draw the armor#i feel like ive gotten better with writing lately so my bios are a lot better :) happy about it#i just realized i havent even introduced tav my main tav yet. i promise i love them i love them so bad they just have very little art#because i haaaate drawing the crackles. i know thats my own fault but surely you understand#IF YOURE WONDERING WHY SO MUCH BAPHY ART IS TRANS JOKES: when i was concepting her with friends i went hey#wouldnt it be really fucking funny if baphy woke up on the nautiloid as trans.#like “im probably a trans woman but i have to serve father so idrc about that rn”#and then she just woke up with her preferred name and pronouns being the only thing she remembers. and she has no idea shes trans#so a lot of her shitpost art is just trans related jokes because we all think its really fucking funny.#durgetash is only real for the bit btw its not something serious. once again the bit is important here
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hi! how do you. describe characters so you don’t just use pronouns like 37 times in a row
(Especially when characters all use the same pronouns 😭)
omg ok wait this is one of the hardest things ever. i hate using like descriptive words like "the blonde man" "the taller one" etc because it just like icks me out for some reason so usually i just use character names often and then switch to pronouns. it can still get vague or confusing sometimes so then i try to just reorder the sentence/phrase it differently
#i hope this is what u meant by the question btw 😭#lmk if its not#but yeah whenever i'm rereading to edit i'll be like wait who is saying this.... and then i just end up using character names excessively#which sucks but i'm getting better at making it clearer i think#it's one of those things where you improve with time#nya talks#my asks#also sorry about all the asks i've been neglecting lately.... esp the anon ones#i pinky promise i'll get better at answering them#N I PINKY PROMISE THE NEXT PART OF BFOP IS COMING OUT SOON ive gotten so many questions ab it GIRL IM TRYING TO GET IT OUT I SWEAR 🙏
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ok nvm that post im tired
#im sure its gotten old to see me complain lol but i figure its better if i said something if i promised to post stuff but didnt manage to#havent been very motivated to do much since the last spamming If im being honest#not to be a crybaby but that really sours it for me.#i dont like to complain as much as you dont like to read me complaining but i feel like over the time i stopped writing fanfic people#seemingly out of nowhere got really weird about fandom writers#maybe its just because my blog was gathering dust for a while. idk
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shaking myself by the shoulders. you are not going to be a pretentious asshole about music just because you like the artist. you are not going to be an asshole about it.
#basil blabbers#this is about christmas kids by roar i fear.#im SO glad that its gotten attention it and i cant handle change are great songs.#but christmas kids is not a blorbo ass song i promise i swear to god there are better roar songs for your blorbo.#listen to no one thinks about you if you want a similar vibe thematically without the weight of the story christmas kids carries.#the comfort of a laugh track is also really good blorbo fodder.#honestly every song BUT christmas kids is really fucking great to apply to your guy you like#but the story christmas kids tells is very specific and awawawawwa
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R.I.P. mortal kombat 1993-2023
This franchise is dead. And the only ones left in it are not mk fans,weebs and hype train riders. And a few survivors trying to hang on to a shred of dignity they have left and make decent content (unlike nrs. They actually give a fuck about the characters. Regardless of hcs! At least there's passion and love in the stitches and not souless corporate greed!)
Welp at least the old content is still available for now. And i have the older games n other media.
I will be blocking any kontent and blogs from the new game. So dont even try.
#vent#mortal kombat#sorry but i have little faith in the games anymore#so much so im more willing to give the mediocre reboot movies more of a chance that's how low my bar has gotten guys#the cage match animation movie looks more promising than mk“1”#and that's the worst iteration of Johnny cage imho but it still looks more worth my time then the new game#this is how low the bar has gotten#this is how bad i feel about this new mortal kombat game fr#save your money and go play tekken n street fighter instead of mortal kombat and its shitty decisions they keep making#street fighter and tekken look way better anyways#im not sorry i said what i said
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For the record I'm rating Mylah's couch a solid 8/10, one of the more comfortable couches I've slept on. Points off for the dust but its definitely better than whatever the fuck's wrong with mine.
#I've kept to my promise I've gotten up maybe twice. oh arceus my BONES hurt I did not realize how truly tired I was#anyways im thinking im just gonna throw out the entire damn couch. That thing's just like. It's done for#You people have seen the better parts of it I specifically keep the worse parts out of photos. its literally falling apart#I dont even wanna donate it I'd feel too bad. its like donating trash#mylah tag#pkmn irl#pokemon irl#rotumblr#rotomblr#pokeblogging
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I talk a lot about how different fanon!Helia is from canon!Helia but not enough but how bad it is for all the characters.
Like you have Riven going from this insecure teenage boy who lashes out at anyone who challenges him to this suave bad boy who could kill the winx. People seeing Stella as a stuck up brat, thinking that she loves Bloom more than the other winx, or that she would ever choose to be selfish in ways that hurt the other characters. Or Flora going from this fairly confident young girl who loves to meet new people and hangout with others to an introverted shy mess who never speaks up and would never say something sarcastic. Not to sound like a bitch but I really do think it's time the fandom stops pretending we're better than other fandoms and don't have Fanon Versions because we do and it's messing with y'alls perception of canon so fucking bad
#theres a time and place for fanon and its not pretending that fanon IS canon#and like listen#there's a big difference between having headcanons and fanonizing a character so badly that theyre basically a different character#im not saying its Bad to have headcanons or to disagree with canon#everyone does that its normal and healthy for fandoms#that sounded SO online good god#but also recognizing that your headcanons are Just headcanons is also necessary?#and recognizing that sometimes headcanons have been disproven by canon or aren't backed up at all#and not acting like your fanon version Is canon or is better than canon?#like genuinely think some of you dont even like canon winx and you just like the fanon versions of them in your head#like no sorry but flora isnt the fumbling shy mess who can't even speak to the others#stella isnt the dumb selfish princess who can't fight and wouldn't protect her friends#aisha isn't the Super Independent Woman who hates all men (also a very racist trope)#musa isnt that I Hate Everyone bitch who would dropkick the winx and physically abuse riven#i could go on and on like im sorry but the fanon versions of them are So Bad rn its so weird to me#like... fanon has always existed but i dont think its ever been this bad? usually Extreme Fanon only happened when someone hated a characte#like people usually only mischaracterize them when they Hate them but now im seeing people who Love them do it#i dont understand what happened why has fanon gotten so bad recently??#also Im Sorry if any of this sounds targeted or extra bitchy i promise im not talking about anyone specific and im not Trying to be mean#i just really hate going into a character tag and seeing post after post of people going 'riven would kill sky if he got the chance'#and i dont mean the clearly joke posts i mean the Very Genuine Headcanon posts like what the FUCK are you people talking about#i genuinely think some of you got your degrees from the fanon university instead of the canon uni#please rewatch the entire first three seasons at your earliest convenience or your degree will be revoked#ajhdglagd#like not to sound mean but i think there was an influx of people who only vaguely remembered the show and got the rest of their info#from random tumblr posts instead of yknow. the actual show#oh i am very complainy today time to do something more productive and less chronically online
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The funny thing about constantly telling yourself that things could be worse is that sometimes. They are :)
#youd think the moldy trailer was gonna be rock bottom#but apparently its staying in a basement covered in the dust of a thousand thousand catshits#with the same people who traumatized me over 22 years until I moved into the moldy box in the first place :)#because im STILL dumb enough to believe their promises after decades of betrayal! or more accurately i dont get the choice lol#either way if i dont get outta here fast it is game the fuck over. been too much mental and physical pain for this shit to be worth it#fucked anyway given how much debt and permanent degenerative damage has been done but at least I can live whatever shit years I get left#in relative peace#I mean fuck I used all my fucking energy yesterday doing shit for them instead of taking care of my own stuff and WHY#all I got was get asked over and over to work even fucking harder like what the fuck did I expect#years pass and nothing changes for the better with these people what the fuck#and even if I DO manage to find somwhere to stay with folks who WONT lie to me for years to abuse my labor and psyche#I'll be broken in body and mind and spirit and ill need a job within the week to not fall behind#i still havent gotten on my feet and every attempt to rely on family. no matter who.#was just an excuse for them to use me for all I had for nothing in return#cant exactly find roommates with no money no credit no will to live and 20 problems on top of that that mean I cant pay rent yet#and without any family who wont try to kill me slowly or any friends who arent so fucked themselves they cant help its lookin like#im fucked once again gang#to think i was so fucking close to escaping all of this before the pandemic happened lol. even what I had then just isnt possible anymore#if I hear one more baseless 'things get better with time :)))' I WILL vomit until I choke to death like buddy that just isnt true sometimes#straight up some people are born to eat shit and die. babies get cancer. its been 24 consecutive years of eating it and I aint whistful fam#not anymore at least#keep sayin 'well it could be worse' when its about the worst its been and youre just asking fate to prove you right#only reason Im not completely homeless instead of technically homeless is that folks actually on the streets are much tougher sort than I#gonna jinx this whole fuckin rant but it really is a fuckin joke. i cant live like this but most folk Ive met on the street#would jump the moon just to live in the moldy trailer I got kicked out of let alone a filthy basement.#this COULD be a home I could work and live out of. fellas is it picky to prefer despair over living with people who traumatize you#does that answer change depending on circumstance and time or is there truly no justification in not making your life worth it#or am I really just the pathetic stoner burnout dropout that my folks see me as? I mean categorically yes.#is there any justification redemption or even just comfort to be found in that state considering the Weight that induced it#does it even matter if no other person knows what that Weight has been or for how long its built. if no one ever will know? whats the point
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#New#writing#poetry#2021#november 2021#november 21 2021#transgender#<- because its about when i changed my name gender haircut and school and got to both openly identify as male and stealth for the first tim#in my life. It was so strange and anxiety inducing. I was afraid that someone i used to know would recognize me and id get bullied again#or something. The reason the poem isn’t obviously trans is because i really really hated being trans at the time#I had gotten bullied for being trans and had lost friendships at the Catholic school i had previously attended#so even when i wrote stuff that no one else was gonna see I didn’t make too obvious#I was so full of dysphoria and fear but its been years now and a lot of thats woren off#Now i actually think my boby is hot as FUCK (partly due to being almost 3 years on t) and i took the fear of being Found Out away#by telling people myself that im trans. And guess what? Its fine! No one cares that im trans!#so like if youre a baby trans reading this just know it gets better. I promise#Trans masc#trans masculine#ftm#trans guy#trans male#trans man
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hfff
#(warning that this is a vent Um please odnt read it if itll make you upset & sorry for being on your dash uh you can ignore this)#im so scared to Truly talk to anyone right now even though ireally want to and i miss people and ifeel utterly alone .. Sorry#i just. i cant go bakc to being every servers residential burden its so much better for everyone else when i stay away even if it hurts me#and i know im selfish to p ost this stuff and burden people even without being active but i just crave human interaction i guess#and some of this stuff is the closest ive ever gotten to sharing my feelings properly i guess because of the whole. like.#not knowing each other irl thing. i dont have to look someone in the eye after admitting to being near broken beyond repair on here#anywya im sorry i promise im trying so hard its just that everything is so much . im being crushed by the weight of everything#stuff never gets chipped off i just get used to it#im trying rwally har d im trying so hard i feel like the worst friend in existence im just trying to survive right now#all im trying to do id survive yet its the hardest thing ive ever had to do
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damn i really need to work on my art blog shes looking messy over there 😭
#i promise i can actually draw yall im just ass at taking pictures#plus i havent gotten the hang of digital yet#i dont think its bad though i just need practice#ANYWAYS#i think this weekend im gonna go through and upload some stuff that i havent yet + re take some photos#i really wanna have one of those art blogs with a fun theme and stuff#cause rn its just a basic pinned post i threw together and a bluish background#i like having a place to display my art but i want to actually like the place its displayed yk 😭#i really need to get better at picture taking though cause it looks like idk what im doing#which i DONT but id like to pretend#post posting#also in terms of theme what are we thinking#i dont wanna do a regular theme like i do on this blog wwith movies and stuff#but what else
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guys its getting difficult to stay positive about this lol
#it frustrates me but also makes me so anxious that this situation could be so much better if communication was existent#but if that had even happened at all i doubt all of this wouldve gotten as bad as it had. legal action being taken is a possibility now#and hearing all of this happening in real time is very stressful#it hadnt been affecting me too much before but its definitely getting to me now#anyways this is my only doompost-y post of the night i promise👍👍 gonna go back to my silly ideas and fics and posts#shit that makes me happy/relieves anxiety. i need to step away from this for my own sake lmao#vent#(tagging it as this since. yeah thats basically what this is)
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