#i promise i will post fandom stuff again im just thinking too many thoughts about my beloved OCs

[lefttoesucker]

Hrrrrrrrrrrrr I am going insane about my own OCs and I'm about to make it everyone's problem

Grrrrr evil old man yaoi

[myloveforhergoeson]

wait actually thinking more about that follower gap post, what is the tasw universe btr fandom's feelings towards roxy? i guess we see a bit of it in the tour letters chapter, and hopefully more in big time contest? are they public at this point? is she, as a girl their age on the team, being shipped with any other member?

hi!! the answer to this is simultaneously simple and complicated. as usual i have a long answer for you!

in short: no, btr fandom doesn’t know more than she’s their touring guitarist and if they did some research they’d find her listed as the writer on many of their songs. james and roxy aren’t public and there’s a few reasons why! as far as the fandom is aware, she just works with the band. after carlos told her he loved her at that one show tho some people might think they’re cute together but more on that later

in long: ah! i’ve already tried to incorporate this in so many ways and i have not found a way i like quite yet. i’ve set many little things up - you are so right about the letters chapter! rox makes a comment about getting some boos when carlos kisses her because we all know what fandom typically does to women who date guys in boybands 😭 in roxy’s birthday chapter, she and james get stopped in santa monica and people start taking pictures of him and he throws his coat over her head and pulls her away from the pier because of some “media training” he said he got from gustavo. jo mentions the same thing happening to her while she was out with kendall before the pair were forcibly made public by her publicist (which is also briefly mentioned; skipped that ep bc i didn’t like the sneaker storyline sorry!) so there’s little crumbs im attempting to put in here and there i just can’t decide what to do with them. i thought about adding another section onto the minnesota chapter where roxy convinces her old boss to let her have her show again for a night where she can “interview” (read: fuck around with her boyfriend in the radio studio for four hours) james and he’d forget to turn his mic off before calling her babe or something and accidentally make their relationship public but 1) the chapter was already way too long and 2) like what do i do then. write an even longer chapter the next time around to fix what i wrote previously? i do not have the same time i used to when i started writing this to just get down like 20 pages a night LMAO. i loveeeee writing don’t get me wrong but it’s just hard for me currently and low interaction on original portions of the story are not very motivating. (but i’m not writing for the engagement don’t worry! it’s just a bonus!!!)

so yeah like it’s THERE it’s just not there.

besides. i want james and roxy to have a conversation about it too but i think he’s probably tweaking out about it bc of gustavo’s “training” and she would love to be public i just don’t think she understands what being in the spotlight really means and she doesn’t want to come off as too pushy because he hasn’t brought it up. neither of them really know what to expect from a public relationship with a public figure. but i mean. they’re out to their friends and stuff obviously! so maybe that might come back to bite them in the butt later idk. i have literally so many thoughts about this i promise itll be in there at some point i just don’t know when :)

i imagine at this point in time the band members each have like the lower end of a 60-100k follower count? i really have no basis for this though. i’ll have to give it some more thought!

tysm for your question eeee!! love seeing things tagged rames on my dash :) <3

[franeridart]

Anon said: i dont know what blue lock is but that art you just posted is making me interested lol

AHHHHH please getting people interested in it is all my life is about lately hahahaha it’s a sports manga about soccer! Kind of!! Definitely has all the good sides of sports manga, but it’s also different enough from the usual sports manga that I know people who aren’t huge sports manga fan who loved every second of it, please do give it a try if you find yourself with the time for it! It’s such a cool manga!!!

Anon said: I don't even like BNHA anymore, haven't for more than a year, but your blog still has me shipping the characters somehow. I live for your KiriBaku content (and your KamiJirou stuff, when you post it!)

Gosh, I’m glad I can make you like them still!! It’s such a compliment, honestly ;A; <3

Anon said: so i was looking through your art and stuff and was wondering "hey i wonder if theyve ever drawn voltron stuff" and tbh, i didnt expect you to have

To be fair, if you checked it means that at least a little you thought it was possible lol I haven’t watched anything past s1 of it though, so the chances of me ever picking it up again are less than zero

Anon said: You... are one of the loves of my life... and also the main reason I check tumblr everyday lol.

Anon!!! You’re gonna make me blush here!!!!! ;;;; thank you so much!

Anon said: i started reading bluelock because of u and now im obsessed soooo,,,,, thanks!❤���😭

SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!!

Anon said: Hii, do you have a Spotify account? If you do, can you share it? I really like the songs u use on your arts, and I would love to see your Playlists Sorry if it's already on your FAQ, I didn't find it And sorry for my bad English ps. I LOVE YOUR KIRIBAKU ARTS THANK YOU

I don’t! I listen to all my music from youtube, because I’m that kind of person lmao happy to hear we share music tastes, though! And thank you so much!!! <3

Anon said: What's your favorite arc of ToG both story wise and art wise?

SCREAMS I don’t know!!!! I’ve been thinking about this ask since getting it I have genuinely zero clue I love all arcs so much for so many different reasons!!!!! The first that comes to mind when I think about it is the workshop battle arc, because I love Viole with everything I have and the whole arc (plus the build up to it too!!) hurts in the most wonderful way, but then I keep thinking about it and I realize there’s so many character I live for that don’t appear in it - I love the floor of death arc SO MUCH cause for one, there’s nearly all my favorite characters in it, and also because it’s such a good, dynamic arc?? everything that happens is so much fun and interesting?? also Hockney is there, and Urek is there, and Garam is there, and the Hell Train gang is all there, so!! AH and the hell train as a whole is so damn good (the dallar show???? my whole soul rests in there, Khun’s trust in Bam!! the coin flip with rachel!! Bam’s whole everything!!!!!!!! GAH) but my fav part of it has to be the hidden floor?? because!!!!!! it’s perfect from start to end, everyone in it is wonderful, Bam’s growth in it!!! GODS! My favorite scene in the whole webtoon is in the hidden floor arc, it’s how much I love it - THEN THERE’S YAMA and the whole arc there is so so SO good too, and the latest arc!! how good is the latest arc!!!!!

so yeah I can’t pick - art wise I think it goes without saying that SIU’s art has only gotten better, so the closest to the newest update you go the more I like the art.... though, my favorite Bam is still the short haired one from the Hell Train arc haha

Anon said: Oh, wow, how stupid of me. Like 2 months ago, I sent you a message telling you how much I loved your work... and I didn’t see it on your page, or anywhere else. Finally today, I discovered I had an inbox where you answered me... 🤦‍♀️... I still love your work, by the way...

AHHH yeah I always answer off-anon asks privately! And thank you so much for still liking my things!!

Anon said: Have you read the last haikyuu chapter? How did you feel about it?

I’ve reread it at least twenty times and then I went and reread the whole of the last game again and it’s been three weeks and I’m still thinking about it more or less constantly and feeling giddy happy about everything that manga has ended up being, genuinely one of the best manga I’ve ever had the pleasure of following till the very end - that’s how I feel about it <3

Anon said: I really like looking at your art it’s so therapeutic it’s wonderful please keep drawing I want to support you on Kofi and patreon and yet I am broke please just know I love u very much ok bye

Ahhhh it’s okay anon! I try to keep as little completely unavailable for my followers as I can, and I’ll do my best to keep drawing! Can’t promise the fandoms will always be stuff you care about though haha

Anon said: This is my FAVORITE art blog. Is blog even a word that ppl use anymore?? Idk but anyways your kiribaku gives me life and cures my depression so ily and thank u

I’m so so happy to hear that! Thank you so much!!! TTATT <3

Anon said: just now realizing your oc looks like the human version of kamakiri

To be fair the only thing they have in common is the green mohawk, but I get where you’re coming from! I was very happy when Kamakiri’s official colors came out exactly cause he makes me think about my boy, after all xD my love for Kamakiri is definitely biased, in that sense haha

Anon said: Just wanted to let u know im very gay for ur oc giulia that is all thanks

Anon I’m gonna cry I’m so glad you like her!!!!!!!!!! She’s one of my oldest OCs out of that group, it’s always so thrilling to know people like her ;A; <3

Anon said: I really like how you draw kirishima’s hair

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! I have a lot of fun with it, though it does mean it ends up being kinda off canon more often than not haha

Anon said: hi! just a random question but how’d you come up with your name?

Fran is my name! Erid comes from Eridan from homestuck! Art is what I try to do! And that’s the incredibly interesting story behind my screen name haha

Anon said: Heya, so i sent the ask about the person who i suspect either heavily referenced or traced your art (i sent another ask about this tho im not sure if it went through) anyway, it was posted by ****************** you'll know it when you see it i think

Ahhhhhh sorry for how long this took me to answer, I went to check and it’s!!! fine, I mean, would have preferred if they had credited but I don’t think it was completely traced so I don’t mind too much, I used to copy art of people I liked too back when I was first starting, after all haha

[lucifers-trash-stash]

Hi when are you going to keep writing Thanos's Escape Me story?

I'm going to explain this in the nicest terms possible and that might make me sound like a huge bitch but I'll answer this question AGAIN because I get this question constantly and I answer it similarly a lot of the time and my answer isn't directed specifically at you but my experiences as a whole.

It might never be continued. I'm sorry if that makes people upset but its the truth. One of the biggest reasons was Marvel and Disney being an absolute shit companies that only value ratings over genuine good storytelling and made it so that i lost a lot of my interest for the franchise in general. This happened with TWD too and it absolutely burned me from the series altogether. And when that happens with my favorite series' and movies it is easier to cut my losses and focus on shit that makes me happy instead of staying in fandoms that make me upset and angry about what should or shouldn't be.

Another huge reason is because im so tired of the constant asks of when I will post. Which sounds stupid but its because more often than not the ONLY responses to new chapters I would get would be 5% people actually sharing what they liked about the chapter and how much they were invested or interested while the other 95% would be people IMMEDIATELY asking when the next chapter was. No saying they liked my story or anything. Just when will I pump out the next bit of free content out. For Run From Me (the name of the story btw) it would take me weeks and sometimes months of struggling with my writers block and worrying about how people would receive certain things, and then when I was FINALLY happy with the chapter I would post it all excited to see the response to my favorite parts to write and then I would get pretty much dead silence from the majority of people save for those amazing fucking mutuals and followers that would tell me how much they loved the new chapter.

And this isn't me wanting to be congratulated every time I posted something new, hell if I only got a couple of comments compared to the hundreds I've gotten I wouldn't even mind, but just the comments that flat out ignore everything I struggled and worked for to write and only ask, as you have, when I will publish more. No hey I like your fic are you going to continue or hey just curious no pressure or anything, just "when are you posting more." It's always been phrased as a demand of me. And the last chapter really was the breaking point for me. I was so fucking proud of that fic and where I was taking it and was transitioning into the Guardian's of the Galaxy arc and introducing Gamora and Nebula and I thought I had done a really good job with those character dynamics and then got next to no feedback or excitement. Just when and where is the next chapter.

When you couple this with people who even went out of their way to give me backhanded compliments, like one individual who started off by telling me how much they loved my fic but hated the Thanos' wives OCs and hoped Thanos would get rid of them and had a very polyphobic attitude towards me, and while at the time I wasn't identifying as such but as an individual who would classify myself as poly now that sort of shit hurt me a lot. I would also get people who read my very dark story that I thought I was making very clear and obvious that this sort of kidnapping and forcing to be a wife scenario wouldn't lead to a happy ending had a lot of people telling me they couldn't wait until Thanos and my OC were married and got rid of all the wives and lived happily ever after... all of it just debilitated me because I knew telling the story I wanted would make everyone pissed off and hate me.

And thats why I made my slasher/horror movie sideblog. This is my main and I literally cannot be on it anymore because even though my blog has been pretty multi fandom this entire time, and how I tried to delve into Star Wars and writing fic that made me happy, I would always get comments about why I wasn't writing more Thanos. So yeah. Sorry to be the big massive cunt that ruins everyone's day. In fact I still get super fucked up mentally having to confront this every time. Hell I'm even scared to post all of my current writing on my AO3 cause I know for a fact I'm going to get people bitching even more when I literally have posted so many diff fandoms there and not just MCU.

So yeah. Sorry to write out this huge ass emotionally charged response because I normally can answer asks with a level head but this is a subject that hurts me a lot. I can't even promise the fic will even be finished or pretend to be like "oh maybe in the future" because I think I've been so burnt out on it and I get so emotional even just thinking about it.

I'm currently focused on writing things that make me happy in a fandom of some of the nicest people and friends that I've ever had and I couldn't ask for anything better. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news or make it sound like im making excuses but hey thats kind of how it is. These are my feelings and I have to step away from that fic because it isn't good for my mental health. I need to focus on me and myself and im writing stuff now that makes me happy and surrounding myself with supportive people. And if anyone has a problem with that you need to evaluate your own life.

So yeah. Thats whats up with me. Not sure if anyone will see this or care. I apologize for the emotional ramble but yeah I think I hit my breaking point on this particular topic.

Lots of love to my mutals and friends. I appreciate each and every one of you.

[legends-live-in-memories]

I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin… 

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion, 

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing… 

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

 i don’t give a solid fuck. 

Not one. 

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically. 

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss. 

AND BOI is it a miss. 

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story, 

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

 77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because. 

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing. 

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time. 

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

[someone-worth-racing-for]

Hey there!

I am quite new here and I was wondering how you got into this fandom. Specially the carlandofandom :)

Also, when did you start writing? I saw your posts the other day about not being able to write all of it, so it somehow triggered me to write some stuff myself (some requests were just too cute).

Havent been properly writing for ages though and I am not quite sure if anybody wants to read my stuff...any advice? Im so indecisive...

Thanks for all your great stories and have nice day :)

Hey you, anonym and especially – welcome to the fandom! 🤗❤️

Oh my God, believe me – you actually don’t want to know how I got to this fandom, it’s such a long story.. You better grab yourself some Coke and popcorn, because this will be a longer one.. 🥤🍿

But alright, everything has begun with that the TWD (The Walking Dead) fandom has started to annoy/boring me, also because the show has become pretty bad and I wanted to leave the sinking ship before it will be too late. That must have been around autumn/winter 2018. During the winter months I really, really love to watch ski jumping, also because it’s pretty popular in my country (Austria). I was already a fan of it since many, many years, but I only became a real fan at that time. I always say I love this sport so much, because those jumps are always so “quickly over” – meaning that I don’t have to wait for too long to find out the results. Yeah, the competition itself isn't that short, but the individual jumps of each athlete are. That’s why I actually “hate” F1 so much, because I have to wait freaking two hours of pure stress, several mental breakdowns and heart attacks later to finally find out who will win, and also because so much can happen during a race, while those ski jumpers are practicing individual – does that make any sense!? However, so I got pretty deep into the ski jumping fandom over that time, especially also here on Tumblr, where I have met a pretty nice girl back then, who had been as thrilled about the fandom as me. But you know, during the summer there aren’t any competitions, so it had been pretty boring in the ski jumping fandom and then suddenly that girl came up with F1.

The first thing I have thought was ‘NO WAY! NEVER EVER!’ – you have to know, I have really hated F1 with a passion before August 2019. I was always making fun of my boyfriend watching those cars driving in circles for two hours. I just couldn’t understand it how someone can watch that voluntary (I sometimes still can’t..😅) and I really, really hated it with everything I had. My boyfriend even was at the Austrian GP in 2019 and back then my biggest nightmare would have been if he would have forced me to come with him (he got there with his father in the end – today I would give everything to get there!)

I remember, we have been on vacation during the beginning of August 2019. We were in a theme park, when my boyfriend said at one point that he will get over to that bench in the shadow under the tree now and watch the qualifying. I have really thought he was kidding me, because I couldn’t understand how the hell someone would watch something so stupid like F1, while being in a freaking theme park. Well, today I would be the one sitting there on the bench, while my boyfriend would probably urge me to please finally stand up so we could go on 😅

That was at the beginning of August 2019 – so I must have slowly but sure fallen for the fandom around 15th of August. And if you believe me or not, but I have neither fallen for Lando nor for Carlos at the first place. It was actually Max, also because he was one of the less drivers I have known next to Lewis, Sebastian, Valtteri (I always had to think about Harry Potter because of Bottas..😂) and probably Nico. But I have actually began to “stalk” when I have got to know about that Max has a little sister and I have found those sweet pics of him with her together (Do you know which pics I mean? You should really check them out – they are so cute). And somehow Lando came into the play as well and so my first story for this fandom resulted. Back then I have really, really thought it would be the first and also last story I will ever publish for this fandom. Well, that didn’t aged well..😅 Somehow my interest grew and grew with every more day stalking the internet for content and by the time of the first race after the summer break, I was already a fan. Spa 2019 has been the first F1 race I have ever watched from the start till the end and I have to say that this weekend has broken me (literally). Of course, because of Anthoine, but also because this time of the year is since 2017 never easy for me and on that weekend also Carlando finally came into the play. Check out this post from a few weeks ago – Carlos’ birthday on Sunday and that Lando has supposedly hugged Carlos after his DNF has really, really touched my heart and since that day these two boys own my heart and I remember, that the next day after the race I have got up at five in the morning to write “Tomorrow will be kinder” – because writing is sometimes my only way to deal with things, so I just had to write my thoughts/feelings down and it was the beginning of something beautiful actually.

But there is one more little story I have to tell you about my F1 past – this story right here is actually one of @hurtsprincess favourite ones. Because back in 2015, when F1 was finally back in Austria again, I was there by the race as probably the biggest F1-hater under all of them. Half of our town and so also most of our friends has got there, so it was kind of peer pressure, why I have finally joined them as well. We had to stand up really, really early – actually it was still in the middle of the night (I think it was three in the morning or so) and got to Spielberg with the bus. It was one of the hottest day of the year back then and after watching “the race of generations” with Niki Lauda, Gerhard Berger and some others and then following also the F3 and F2 races (Me, back in 2015: What do you mean there are races before the actual race? What the hell is F3 and F2?) and because we were so damn tired after standing up so early, most of us, including myself, were sleeping in the meadow during the F1 race. So I have missed over half of the race and I really can’t even remember anymore who has won 😅 But it had still been a funny day for my as a F1-hater, but believe me - if I should ever get to a GP again, this won’t ever happen to me again! 😅 I promise! 🤞🏼

Wow, this has turned out longer than you have actually wanted it, right anonym?! 

Your first question about how I have got into the Carlando fandom is probably answered now and also half of your second question. But I have actually started writing fanfictions back in autumn 2016 for the TWD fandom. I have written overall 16 stories for that fandom and 4 stories in German for the ski jumping fandom, but as much as I have already loved to write fanfictions back then, it only really became my passion and biggest hobby with Carlando. I just can’t stop writing about them, also because they make me so happy and for me so easy with those dorks just being them 😊

Yeah, I’m still very sorry about that I just can’t write stories to all of these great requests, even tho I would really, really like to do - but if you have got inspired by one of these, you should give it a try!

But if you are really that indecisive and shy, you could use the anonymity of the internet for your favor (in this case this posibilty is a good thing - as long as you use your anonymity not for spreading hate/attacking/bullying someone) You know what I mean? I actually did/do that as well. Only three people here on Tumblr know who I really am. Some of you may know from where I am (because I don’t make a secret out of it) and some here even know my name, but that’s it. I don’t share any more personal things about my identity, because I also prefer to stay anonymous here, especially because only my boyfriend, my best friend and my mother know about that I’m writing fanfictions. All those other people I call “friends” don’t know about it or me having this account here and I also don’t want them to know, because they simply wouldn’t understand it.

What I’m trying to say here - if it makes you feel better and also more secure, you could upload your story on AO3 without telling anyone it’s you. Or if you don’t want to post it on AO3 and you also don’t want to post it on your Tumblr account, I offer you to send me your story anonymous. I would post it in your “name” aka anonym, saying that this story isn't mine and you could watch/read the reactions.

You don’t have to lose anything, anonym 😉 I would really, really like to read your story, no matter if you will decide to publish it with your name or anonymous. Because there won’t ever be enough writers out there, blessing us with their great stories. Also because I am as much a passionate reader than a writer. And I’m also pretty sure about that you are talented and also about that your story would be more than just worth reading it 😊

Thank you so much for your message, anonym and I’m sorry my answer turned out to be so long 😅 but I really hope my words have helped you in some way, because I’m pretty sure about that you actually don’t have to have a reason to be that shy and indecisive 😉 Just give it a try, as long as it makes you happy 🤗❤️

[howaboutalittlehelpneos]

hi again!! i had my wisdom teeth removed so i am in So Much Pain! anyways, im rewatching yugioh gx in the dub bc its my favorite series (despite my arc v fixation) and its making me :]! in other news, i have decided all of the yugioh protags are queer and neurodivergent, bc im projecting and also correct! im thinking about candy and rotten so much but theres like no content for either of them anywhere,,,, or even arc v stuff,,,,, you are literally keeping this fandom alive, thank you monarch! in other news, i drew some of my arc v favorites, but i cant show em without going off anon, sadge. maybe ill reveal my main soon :D -jester anon

Oh man wisdom teeth are a bitch to recover from, that sucks dude. How many did you get out? I had all 4 done at once when I was 18 and I was Suffering.

GX is my fave as well so we've got a lot in common there, I know I post mainly Arc-V now but GX will always be my first love when it comes to Yugioh. You sound like you'd get along well with my partner, she also fully believes that all the protags are straightn't and neurodivegent. I mean, I do too, I just hadn't really thought about it like that until she said it, then I was just like "Huh damn you right."

I'm glad you're enjoying my blog but skskdmdm I promise you it's not just me, there are a lot of other Arc-V blogs out there, I'm just the most recent one to pop up I think. It'd be neat to get to see your stuff! I'd finally have a name and a face (well, an icon) to put to my new friend.

[ohallows]

hey, if you’d like to talk at length about aphobia in fandom and/or share links to people who already talk about it, i’d love to see that!

haha silly me thinking this would be easy. so! this was harder to find references for than i thought it would be. (would love if anyone had more on erasure specifically that isn’t about fucking riverdale)

first off, as always, references!!

very nice post that touches on a NUMBER of aspects of aceness in fandom and fanfic

addressing fandom’s tendency to care way more and default to fics that ft sex (slightly nsfw, obviously)

fun video on it (about 5 mins!) again about fandom culture re: shipping, people getting mad at those who say a character is ace (also slightly nsfw)

more stuff on fandom culture specifically when orientations aren’t stated (mostly about wlw ace relationships in fandom -check the og read more as well)

the negative impact of writing pwp with ace characters (rape mention in the post)

good short post about how a lot of “aces can like sex too” comments/discourse are led by non-ace people

ace erasure (thanks riverdale)

thread about aces in fic (most is irrelevant, check out the first few comments)

second off, my two cents because i don’t know how to shut up:

okay once again! i am a bi allo woman and i do not intend to speak for ace people when saying any of this. but. hey. if you’re not ace, just like. take a single second and examine how you are interacting with ace characters. 

there’s this weird trend of taking the sole ace character in a piece of media and writing porn about them which is. like. obviously i cant stop you but also? why? there are so many other characters you can focus on. please. there’s another weird trend of putting ace characters in fics where they are raped - where the rape, specifically is viewed as something “hot” and “dark” and “sexy”. in general, this is fuckin weird and will cause me to side eye you, but it’s very strange and aphobic to look at a character (especially a sex-averse character) and decide that seeing them get raped is hot. just stop. 

for the same reason you can’t headcanon a canonically gay character as straight, or a canonically bi character as a lesbian, you can’t headcanon a canonically ace character as allo. it’s erasure, plain and simple. 

tl;dr: if you are allo, you need to look critically at why you are so into writing porn with ace characters. once again, im not saying you cant, but you need to actively examine this! and, even more importantly, you need to do your research before writing an ace character in a sex scene. just a passing “oh im ace but i dont really care about sex” then going into the sex scene doesn’t cut it. anyway, an ace person can speak better to that than myself. plus, if a character is canonically sex-repulsed, just,,, find a different character to write porn about. there are thousands, i promise. 

also, this is just like... a general thing that i should have mentioned in my previous post but like. hey. people are allowed to criticize you. media doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and fanfiction isn’t exempt from criticism just because it isn’t being ~officially published~ or some dumb bs like that. you can write whatever you want and no one can legally stop you, sure, but you can’t turn around and bitch when people criticise what you write (especially if you don’t tag it correctly for people to avoid). you can’t say that you want fic to be recognised as a legitimate art form and then jump down the throats of everyone who criticises you for being fetishistic, racist, or a/homophobic.  

[foryouthegays]

hey, guys! this is my expanded Thoughts On Stuff (bio)! please read if you’re new to my blog :) if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to DM me. 

hello! my name is ris tessane, I am a minor who uses it/its and he/him pronouns, and i run this blog! I’m demiqueerplatonic (WOW), aro,,ish, and ace! I reblog mostly hermitcraft and technoblade stuff, but sometimes cool art will catch my eye and I just have to reblog it, even if its out of fandom. 

As a general, get the hell off of my blog if you’re a homophobe, transphobe, TERF, enbyphobe, pan/biphobe, aphobe, racist, ableist, xenophobic, pedophile/ pedophile apologist (gross, i’m a minor, thats nasty), if ur gross to people w/ DID/ OSDD, personality disorders, mental disorders, physical disorders, ya know. all the things people are gross too that they literally just. can’t help. or! you just don’t like me! I promise my feelings wont be hurt if you block me. your online experience is yours to shape to your desire. if I don’t fit in your comfort zone, whatever! i literally do not care! block me!

i typically use /j to indicate a joke, /s for sarcasm, and /rq for a rhetorical question. this is because some people have trouble reading tone over the internet, and using these helps them enjoy their experience on my blog. 

now, onto the fun stuff. 

I can and will block “like spammers.” this is for a variety of reasons, mostly coming down to the fact that liking does nothing to help expand the reach of creators, it fogs up their notifications, and is only useful in certain situation (vent posts, good day asks, basically personal stuff.) Just to be clear, I won’t block people who like a post and move on, but someone coming to my blog and liking everything with no reblogs, will get blocked. I don’t have time to clear my notifications if I, or artists I reblog from, don’t get any exposure in return. sorry not sorry. 

[hermitcraft fandom specific] I am a pro-shipper, meaning i ship the little minecraft characters together for my own self enjoyment. terrifying, right? /s /rq. If you’re uncomfortable with this, feel free to block! again, it doesnt affect me in any way, and if I interact with something of yours and you arent comfortable with me (a shipper) doing so, please DM me so i can remove it! No hard feelings, i promise.  as for the dream team aspect of shipping, I am not against it, however I do not personally ship any of them. my aroace butt just projects way too much to think about them in any sort of non-platonic relationship  for people who say “DNI if you ship real people uwu,”,,,,,,i literally have no idea what u are trying to say. I DONT ship real people. but, i cant tell if thats a condescending, “don’t ship real people, and shipping the character is shipping the person,” or a normal, “don’t ship real people, but the character is fine!” so, with that in mind, dont ship the person behind the screen! ship the lil character, please! & dont force content creators to see shippy stuff!

tags! when on my ipad, i typically don’t use tags. when on my computer, its much easier to tag things, and things are tagged as #ris reblogs (reblogs), #ris talks (general talking stuff, such as this), and #ris answers (for asks), and a few other tw stuff for things people asked me to tw tag for. if you need/want me to tag something for you, please just ask! i’ll do my best to remember. 

i reserve the right to block anyone I dont feel comfortable with! this could be for looking like a bot, having things im not comfortable with as a pfp/ in their name, being a queerphobe, and many other reasons! or maybe, i just dont vibe! it’s my internet experience.  DMs are open to anyone! feel free to come on in and chat. 

[incorrect-marauders]

THE OWLS ARE IN! IT’S TIME FOR THE SURVEY RESULTS!

So, as many of our followers are probably aware, we recently did a survey to get a feel of what people thought of our blog. We got a total of 57 results and we are grateful to each and every one of you for taking the time to let us know your thoughts. Now, we’re here to share the general consensus of what people thought and how we will accommodate these opinions.

We’ll definitely have some changes to the blog, so read on to see what those changes are!

Before we begin, we have a few things to briefly mention.

The results are pretty scattered. We didn’t want to restrict anyone, so most were free response or included “Other”. In hindsight, there were a few questions that could have easily been multiple choice without really restricting anyone. (Side eyes the first question.) Therefore, most of these will just summarize the results we got. Occasionally drop the graph for the multiple choice questions.

Because of the large amount of responses we got, not every answer will be listed here. We highlighted the things that were either most commonly mentioned or had us thinking the most.

If anyone would like to see the full results for some reason (par the names, to keep anonymity), feel free to email us at incorrectmarauders.tumblr@gmail.com and we’ll send it over!

And yes, we are making changes to accommodate these results! That’s what this survey was all about!

We’ll be opening applications for new mods within the next couple days as well.

We’ll have a tiny hiatus as all of this is going on.

Now, we begin...

How long have you been following incorrect-marauders?

The most popular answer seemed to be around 2 months or 10 months. A lot of people filling out this survey seemed to either be relatively new or here since the beginning. Kudos to you incorrect-marauders veterans, and welcome newer followers!

How did you find incorrect-marauders?

Somewhat as we expected. Keep reblogging us, lovely people!

What do you love MOST about incorrect-marauders?

"It's funny.” (x50)

No really, we got 50 variations of “It’s funny,” “It’s hilarious,” “The humour,” “The funny text posts.”

Thanks, we appreciate it!

“How weirdly in character the quotes always are.”

(Similar variations include, “How actually accurate your post are,” “That not every post is as funny, imho, but that they do keep true to the characters,” “How much they fit the characters.”)

“They offer new content to the Marauders 'franchise' as it were because some stuff within the fandom is constantly being reused.”

“How correct it actually is if Joanne made it canon.”

“McGonagall with the marauders and that the sources are listed.”

“Accurate representation, variety of ships and relationships, isnt toxic.”

“Very funny and can be great art/writing prompts.”

“The taste.”

“EVERYTHING.”

These are all very nice, thank you all. Glad we hit where we were aiming.

What do you love LEAST about incorrect-marauders?

The most common response was, “Nothing,” or a variation thereof, but that’s no fun for this question, so here are some of the legitimate criticisms we received!

“Quote sources, I think, occasionally aren't there.”

Our original quotes often don’t have sources. But if there’s one where a mod forgot to credit a source, please just message us and one of the admins will fix that!

“There isn't a particularly nice aesthetic to the blog, e.g. a matching layout and profile picture or quote.”

Yeah, we’re working to fix that. I like pretty blogs too.

“Could be updated a little more.”

(”Not much posting in my opinion,” “Long time between posts.”)

Strangely enough, we got this a few times but our later poll about how often to post were contradicting this. So, unfortunately, we will not be adjusting this.

“I mean I would say that Peter is on it, but can’t really get rid of him...”

(Got a few of these, like, ”Peter being seen as a good person.”)

Sorry!

“Some are a bit too small.”

“I don’t like the long quotes.”

Well, then.

“Seeing my #notp but that isnt rly a minus?? Its called diversity so im not gonna hate or anything.”

Thank you for appreciating the diversity. We get occasional hate over it, but we also get hate over not posting some of the other ships. I suppose that’s what happens when you have lots of different followers of different opinions.

“If I send you a text post you credit the source in # but i'd like you to include a link to my tumblr in the post itself so people would actually find my tumblr. I doent send you text posts anymore, cause it doesn't really profit me and it feels like you get credit for my work.”

We’re sorry you feel that way. We always put it in the tags, just in front of the source. We are more of a mod-based blog rather than a submission-based blog. Anyone is welcome to submit, but about 98% of our posts are created by our mods.

“Sometimes I feel like the wrong characters were chosen or not well thought out.”

We can assure you our mods put a lot of thought into what characters to use, but you are welcome to message us with your own suggestion! (But please note that we are a Marauders blog; we got a few comments about how we don’t post enough Hinny or Romione, but that’s not what our blog is about.)

What makes incorrect-marauders stand out?

Once again, we got a lot about how funny we are, so we’ll skip over those and highlight the more unique answers!

"They don't use things from other people without credit.”

“The love and attention put in to everything.”

“Don't think there are any other blogs about marauders in this style.”

(We got this a few times. ”Like the type of blog and incorrect-marauders was the first one Harry potter themed I found,” also, “Its really funny and pretty much the only blog that just does this kind of post and i LOVE it.” But alternatively... “There are a lot of textpost blogs like it, but it is one of the only ones that I have found that consistently keeps characters in character in the posts and appeals to my sense of humor.”)

“I feel the quotes are in character and from multiple sources which Is cool.“

“How open it is.”

“The continuous content.”

“The posts arent so often that my dash is spammed like other blogs of the same nature.”

“Not sure but I like you.”

Not much to comment on these except we’re happy to see people think this about us!

How satisfied are you with the blog and the posts, in all?

So, you’re telling me, we opened a public, anonymous survey and not a single hater filled it out? Am I impressed or disappointed?

Please explain your response to the previous question.

“I just love the whole blog.”

“It's not my favourite blog ever ever which is why it's not a 10 but i still love it.”

“You guys are just so awesome! But it'd also be cool to have a little, meet the creator(s).”

“Its good but I don't have or want notifications on.”

“It’s the #qualitycontent i signed up for.”

"Always room for improvement, and also there's no 9 3/4 option.”

Awesome! We definitely agree that we can always improve, which is what this survey is for!

How often should we post?

We got a lot of variety here. Some say once a day (which is how often we currently post) was ideal. Others put stuff like...

“I wouldnt mind my entire blog just being filled with your posts.”

While Once A Day is the most voted for, the rest of the options put together, which we’ll name Two or More Times a Day, do win overall. Since we have one new post followed by a reblog, we’ll compromise by posting two times a day, but with one new post a day (the second being a reblog).

In UTC, what times do you prefer us posting?

As expected, not many people cared. But two people felt very strongly and voted for 12am, 1am, and 6pm UTC. So, we’ll consider that.

What characters, relationships, universes, etc. would you like to see more represented in our posts?

We got a lot of responses here, primarily being more Wolfstar, Jily, and BFFs James and Sirius. We also got a lot saying we should post about Hinny, Romione, next gen, FBAWTFT, etc. in which I remind you that this is a Marauders blog.

We also got the hilarious response that said we should maybe post about the “merauders”. Well, we can certainly promise you that.

We also got a lot of people saying more McGonagall. That’s something we can definitely do.

Would you like to see more original quotes from us?

For the longest time, the option 50/50 was at exactly 50%. Kind of disappointed that is no longer, but the 25% option is at 25%, so that’s something. Anyway, we’ll aim for 50/50.

What else would you like to see us post?

This was one of the results that will make the biggest change to the blog. People seem to really love these ideas. So expect...

Marauder Mondays! Every Monday we’ll have Marauder Monday, where we’ll answer asks, reblog posts, and have a party! Probably when we’ll post the “extra” posts, like our GIFs, graphics, aesthetics, videos, etc.

How would you feel if we did sponsored posts?

Combined, it seems like ~75% of those who took the survey are good with sponsored posts.

These results honestly surprised us. We’ve gotten a lot of offers of sponsorships in the past but have always denied them because we didn’t know how our followers would feel. We probably won’t do this in the near future, but it’s an option.

What kind of projects would you like to see us host?

We got so many people suggesting merch. Shirts, stickers, pins, other merch... So we’ll keep that in mind! We’d love some Marauders shirts ourselves.

“Projects that other blogs can get involved with to help other accounts grow.”

Noted!

“An art challenge maybe? like, 30 day challenge where you have to draw them as characters from movies/tv shows? like, friends, clueless, avengers, dc characters etc.“

Definitely interesting. Art challenges would be a lot of fun. Hopefully there’s an interest for this!

Which of our other accounts do you follow/would like to follow?

We’ll look into bringing on people to regularly post on other sites.

What device do you use to browse our blog most often (whether through Tumblr or our site)?

Why are we bothering with a redesign again? Oh, right. Personal vain.

How often do you visit the blogsite?

Those numbers are higher than expected...

What kind of things would you like to find on our blogsite?

“Character aesthetics.”

“Fanfiction links.”

“Marauders fan art would be cool.“

We’ll be working on this! Thank you for the suggestions!

More meet the creator(s) (if not comfortable with should, maybe just telling a funny story)

We got a lot of people saying they’d like to know more about us. We are anonymous, but this particular comment had us thinking. We’ll be implementing something in the near future. We will still remain anonymous, but we will have “blog identifies”, I suppose you could say. More info to come!

Other than show, character, and ship lists, what would you like to see in our navigation?

We didn’t get many new suggestions for this, except for fanart, aesthetics, etc. which we will add as more people join the blog!

Do you have any additional suggestions for us?

"Maybe find a blog that could do fan art, but only if you’re comfortable with it. Also, you’re blog is already so amazing, and any redesign would just make it more awesome!!! Don’t let anyone get you down espically if some one puts something negative on the survey because it is so so great already.”

We got no negative feedback (just constructive criticism), but thank you for your concern!

“um. keep doing this. i like it. it helps fill the gaping void in my soul“

Mood.

“Thanks for making the survey, caring about our feedback, and being awesome overall :)”

Of course! This is not just our blog, this is the Marauders fandom blog. Your feedback means everything to us and we hope you will like the changes we’ll make in response to it.

And that covers all of it! Cookies to anyone who read all of that! Keep an eye out for those new mod applications if you’re interested in joining our team!

We’ll be taking a tiny little hiatus as we’re figuring some stuff out.

[beastly-redemption]

okay, here we go. 

for those following from my twilight works on ff.net, i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. thank you for continuing to read, thank you for sticking with me through these years of writing, thank you for reading the roughest of my writing from way back when, thank you for encouraging me to continue writing, thank you for everything. thank you thank you thank you. 

thank you especially for coming back after my months long absences. 

i’m sure everybody knows that it’s hard to write, and for me that isn’t an exception. i’m also sure that some of you know that almost five years ago my mother passed away, that my mother couldn’t hold any longer, and subsequently ended her life as a result. I wrote the most during these early stages of grief, tossed every emotion and heartache i could into drafting these messy, oft tear stained works that ended up being accepted into some parts of this fandom. All of them are dark, intentionally so. And I want to be the first to say that I’d never had a plan for ending them because in my mind they would never end, because my pain would never end, either. These works would be something for me to fall back on when I was hurting and there was no other way for me to express it. That’s why in bloodshed Bella was always hurting, always finding something to break herself on because that’s how I felt, that’s why Rosalie and her have flirted around becoming a couple but never actually got around to becoming one because it was too happy of an ending, and again, there was no happy endings in sight. Bloodshed was created during the first few waking moments of my grief, of my guilt, and I think it shows. Blink and mouths only lying are other examples of my grief - hell, mouths only lying explicitly shows that Bella’s mom had killed herself. What I’m trying to say is I know these stories aren’t good because they either mirrored my everyday life or what i wished i had during these times of despair. 

What i’m also trying to say is that these stories cannot continue as they are. 

Nearly five years later, the gaping hole in my chest that my mother left is closed, not healed, not scarred over, but closed in the way that wounds do after being slashed open. The skin is still sensitive, and it still gushed open when I went and saw my mother’s grave three days ago for the first time in almost five years. But i’m better now, i’m in the healing process, free without bandages holding me together, allowed to walk freely with a new appreciation for life, when before all I wanted was to lay down and take the same fate as my mother. And thus, I’m not in the same place i was when i wrote these stories, i’m not able to finish these stories as they are written because i’m not the same girl that wrote them. I’m older, more experienced from coming back and piecing myself together, and as I go back and read something i’d written like bloodshed i can’t help but cringe away at that life of pain and blood. 

so, for this new year, i’m taking those stories down. 

Not immediately. Not now, but I will be doing so. I can’t have those dark works attached to my name anymore without it reminding me of a time where i couldn’t move from the place i was in, from a time where i fantasized about my mother somehow coming back to life. It hurts. However, this comes with the promise that I will try to edit these works into something that works better and put them back up for people who genuinely enjoyed whatever story they were reading. I’m going to try to do right by you all and give you a story you deserve to read. This will take some time, so in the meantime, if it’s my writing you’re interested in, I’ve started to put my original book ideas up on Wattpad (mostly because that’s the first place i could think to put it ) and of course they still feature f/f relationships but hopefully this time it also features something resembling a thought out plot. you can find that here . Right now, im writing about a girl who winds up in the fae world and falls in love with the Unseelie Queen. That sort of stuff. And if it’s fanfiction you’re interested in reading; I’m currently invested deep into the RWBY fandom with a heavy focus on Blake/Yang so if you want to read what i have up about them you can find that here 

(gosh, if you just wanted to watch me play some fucking video games every now and then, you can watch me do that here - i play with a friend of mine and we’re bad at video games. )

i felt like people deserved a reason, and i felt they’ve deserved it for many years now. so here it is. i love you all, thank you so much for even wanting to read something a deeply depressed girl had written so many years ago and even now, after all these years. 

I’m doing better, it took time, a lot of crying, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of suffocation from the darkest depths i’d found, but i got better. I want you to know that if you’re going through something now, it will get better. but it will also take time. Because not only are you healing every day, you’re also learning to heal -- and that’s harder than hurting in the first place. but you can do it, there are people who love and care about you and you have to find them or lean on them if you’ve already found them. they love you, really. even if it doesn’t seem like it <3. I’m also here if anybody needs to talk, of course. Yes, i’m a stranger, but maybe it’ll be better talking to someone you’ve never met, you know? 

i know this is a long post so i’ll get on with it.

here are the stories i will be taking down and re-uploading eventually: 

Bloodshed: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11016868/1/Bloodshed

there’s monsters at home: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12793546/1/there-s-monsters-at-home

blink: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12520759/1/Blink

here are the stories that will not be continued any longer, and will probably be deleted at the time i edit those above: 

mouths only lying: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12435905/1/Mouths-Only-Lying

Ars Moriendi: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12562225/1/Ars-Moriendi

here’s the story i will be continuing to work on: 

destined: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13230892/1/Destined

again, thank you all so much. thank you for understanding, thank you for being here now and in the future. 

<3 

[franeridart]

dude your recent demon & angel kiribaku art reminds me a little bit of aziraphale and crowley from good omens!! like aziraphale would be angrier as baku obvs but still i thought of it and it made me happy lol

A lot of people have mentioned that in the tags/under the post and that makes me!!! super happy!!!! Good Omens is one of my fav books and Crowley one of my fav characters, so the comment feels nice! I wasn’t specifically thinking about them when drawing it, but possibly a bit I was influenced anyway!! I wonder if what made everyone think about them was Kiri’s sunglasses? It’s not noticeable but I did give him glowing eyes too after all haha

Anon said:Have you ever thought about how op a TodoBakuDeku fusion would be? (if they could stay together that is lol!)

Never thought of it tbh, but at this point I’m pretty sure with a lot of work on Baku’s part they’d be able to stick together long enough! He wouldn’t find it comfortable but they’d def be one of the strongest three-people-fusions in the class - not the strongest, tho, since they all have the same sort of straightforward offensive power when it comes to their quirks, I think I could find three people who’d make a stronger fusion... Baku Kiri and Momo, for example, would be even more impressive imho! Since all their quirks cover a different field, and their minds/personalities mesh well enough to have the right amount of planning and instinctive reaction/self-preservation and safety of others/pride and self-doubt/lawfulness and chaotic acting and so on. Even just as a team, without counting them as a fusion, I think they’d make one of the most balanced ones! Compared to that putting Todo Deku and Baku in the same place is just a recipe for disaster more often than not haha

Anon said:no, i move slow, I wanna stop time, I'll sit here til I find the,, inspiration to draw,,,,,,

LMAO it’s a song about art block after all, I feel every word in it a whole damn lot hahaha

Anon said:Art block or no art block, I love everything you come up with 💜

AW HECK ANON you’re so sweet!!! Thank you so much!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Mixing thei hero names? So uuuh King Riot?

We still don’t know Baku’s hero name, so anything might be, really! It’s why I didn’t outright have Kiri mention any idea, I got no clue myself where he was going with it haha it’d be cool if his hero name were Ground Zero, because it’d mix well with Red Riot imho (Red Zero or Ground Riot or Red Ground, they all sound nice!) but what if Baku’s hero name ends up just being Katsuki, after all? How do you mix that with Red Riot? (the answer is Red Victory, or Akatsu!! from akai (red) + katsu !! ngl I’ve thought about this a lot lmao) anyway so many possibilities so little known facts!

Anon said:I love the details on Kiri and Baku's skin. Great job!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Anon said:!!!!!!!!!! fran oh my god your zine piece is so beautiful!!!!!!!

Sob thank youuu!!!! I’m glad you liked it!!!! ;O;

Anon said:i just got my zine and the art and writing was so lovely, i loved your comic at the end. an amazing way to end the zine♡

THANK YOU!!!! I’m jelly, I still haven’t gotten mine ;O; I hope the comic was easy to read even in printed form, I’ve been worried about that for months hahaha rip at least there’s the pdf

Anon said: i’m in love with your kiri bday art!!!! with the colorless art like that, are we allowed to color it? of course no posting it, but just for fun.

If you promise not to post it, I’m cool with it! Thank you for liking it enough to want to do that!!! Seriously tho don’t post it if you do

Anon said:Can you draw more kamisero? g u d q u a l i t y s h i p ma' dude.

Maybe? Currently it really isn’t between my top priorities but who knows

Anon said:FRANNNNN!!!! Your comic for the Take My Hand zine!!!! I'm gonna cry! It's so beautiful and the boys are so perfect! Your art is so amazing, I was so thrilled to see your piece. Not to mention the detail you put in. Their hands killed me! With Bakugou's palms and Kiri's arms! Ugh, I just can't, I love it so much.

I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE HANDS it’s weird bc that one panel is probably my fav in the comic and I was so sure no one was gonna really notice it but!! So many people did!!!!! It makes me so happy oh man ;O;

Anon said:Hey coulda maybe make a traitor Kaminari comic?

Nope! No traitor arts here, sorry! SInce I don’t believe any of the theories to the point of finding them outright laughable, any art I could ever make about it would just come out looking either fake or ridiculous and no one wants to see that lmao

Anon said:your take my hand comic!!! it's so good!! thank you for doing the boys so well ;;;

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOUUUU!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I don't know if you remember, but a couple months ago I asked if it'd be okay for me to write something based on a few of your art pieces. Would that still be alright? Your art is gorgeous and makes my brain think and brings joy to me all the time ^^ would absolutely link to the art and credit you. that's not even a question :)

That still depends on which art you’re specifically talking about! And thank you so much for the compliment!!

Anon said:I don’t know if you read fan fiction, but I have one to suggest to you! It’s called, “It’s Obvious When You Lie”. Only three chapters are out so far, but it’s really good!

I’ll add it to my marked for later list then!! Thank you so much for the rec, I don’t easily try out ongoing fics so this was very nice of u!!!

Anon said:In the body switch AU Todoroki sees how fucked up Midoriya feels around Bakugou('s body?) and realizes wow fuck this guy has traumatized my bf. I wonder what I can do to fuck w/ him so the day before they switch back (So Bakugou can't do much in retaliation) he takes Bakugou's body and does the stupidest bullshit ever as revenge

HECK anon sorry but nothing like this would happen ever as long as I’m the one writing the AU! For three main reasons! One, I don’t think Deku is traumatized at all! His relationship with Baku at the moment is actually pretty damn neat and on equal footing, you go you two, growing so much!! Two, Baku and Todo are friends!!! And Todo would never be a dick to Baku instead of just talking to him, if he had a problem with him!! Three, even if one and two weren’t true, Deku has no need for knights in shining armor fighting his battles for him!! He’s a strong independent boy and if he hasn’t fought Baku over this it’s probs cause he doesn’t want anyone to fight him over it!!! Also in this specific AU Todo and Deku aren’t dating, so the scenario doesn’t work for me! Sorry!

Anon said:Have you ever thought about krbk wedding?

I have! And I’ve talked about it on here a few times too! Lately I’ve been thinking about it again tho, from a designs point of view, because!! There’s that very neat post going around tumblr about that wedding photos in which one of the two grooms has a white tux with a cape, and I’ve been thinking about a variation of it for Kirishima’s wedding suit :0 something red instead of white, but generally similar! It’s a lot of effort to draw it so I still haven’t, but yeh!!

Anon said:Hello! I read this fic about your cat comics and the author said to send you some love in their end notes so here is some well-deserved love: your art is beautiful! It's why I became interested in BakuShima and I would not have loved these characters as much if it weren't for you. You also seem to be a very nice person, your mind is beautiful and I am glad you exist

G O DS this is such a nice ask!!!! thank you so so much!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Non chiedo una risposta a questo messaggio, anzi. Volevo solo dirti che trovo la tua arte FANTASTICA, e non sai quanto i tuoi comic e tutto il tuo lavoro mi ha strappato più di un sorriso in brutti momenti. Sapere che sei italiana mi ha fatto totalmente impazzire. Continua così, hai del talento vero. E grazie!

NUHHHH GRAZIE A TE PER ESSERE COSI’ GENTILE OMFG !!!!!!!!!! ;A;

Anon said:Okay okay okay! I adore your art! Could you maybe... draw some KiriBaku fantasy? If it’s not too much to ask! It can be as simple as can be! Your art is just really cute!

Yes I can and yes I will!!! Definitely and in the near future, did you know one of the app games JUST revealed a fantasy wolf Baku as a special halloween chara?? It’s just fantasy Baku with wolf ears and tail, but he’s adorable and I’ve been wanting to draw him since I saw him this morning ;O; so cute!

Anon said:Pssst. Singer Baku, Guitarist Kami, and Drummer Kiri. A good hc if I do say so myself.

It IS a great thought!! Drummer Kiri and Singer Baku have always been a weakness of mine too, so heck!! What a good image! If we put Jirou on bass and vocals too and sero on keyboard and mina on guitar, you make my fav band right then and there hahaha

Anon said:I'm not in the BNHA fandom at the moment but your art still continues to give me the warm fuzzies

GODS ISN’T THIS A NICE ASK!! I’m happy I can make you enjoy even characters you’re not specifically into! Thank you so much for sticking around!!!! ;O;

Anon said:i just got into bnha and fell in love with your art, started going through your sketch tag, and then realize that youre the person who made a bunch of haikyuu comics i loved a while ago so im! very glad to rediscover your stuff!!

HOLY GODS THAT’S NEAT!!! Welcome back!!!! ;O;

Anon said:I love it when you draw kiri with his hair down 💕💕💕 so good, so pure 💕💕💕💕

Oh boy thank you!! ;O; he’s so much easier to draw with his hair spiked for me, knowing people like the way I draw his hair when down means a whole damn lot!! 

Anon said:Hello! First I love your account and artwork! Second will you ever be drawing Mako and Taiyou again? They are so adorable! Also Bakugou and Kirishima seems like amazing dad's!

Thank you!!! And yes I will! I have another ask around here asking about them, so maybe soon! Just gotta find the right idea to draw, I got a bunch but they’re all way too long for my curret attenton span level sadly hahaha rip

Anon said:lmaaaaooo my boi kaminari be having an emotional awakening

Kaminari is like, he’s always somewhere subconsciously known that Baku’s objectively pretty, but since he knows him so well and he’s always around him and most of the times they’re bickering and making fun of each other he’s never actually realized, so now he’s like oh, NOW I see it hahaha

Anon said:hi u probably get this enough but I wanted to give u all my appreciation for ur art thank u for sharing it with us I love everything u post ♡♡♡

THANK YOU!!!! It might be greedy of me but this sorta asks are never enough for me, so seriously thank you for taking your time to drop by and be so nice!!!

Anon said:Could you please draw more of the body swap au? Or what if a different pair of students were to switch?

I’m not gonna draw any other switch with other students, because before settling on Baku and Todo I went through a lot of possibilities and came to the conclusion that nothing would be as funny as Baku and Todo switched are (or at least nothing Horikoshi hasn’t already done himself lmao) so there’s that. I might draw more of them switched, but to be honest with you the only idea with that concept I have right now is Bakugou forgetting he’s suddenly taller and continuously walking into things around the dorms, so there’s that as well hahaha

[missjackil]

My 14x17 Opinion

Game Night

This was the first new episode since “The Announcement” and I have to say I was putting off writing it. I usually post these the day after, but I procrastinated so it’s a bit late. So forgive my butt-hurt tardiness and let's have at it.

I enjoyed this episode, though it wasn't without some issues. I must say that I was pleased that it wasn't as Sam-lite as I thought it would be from the promo pics, trailer, and knowing Jared didn't work a lot that week, I will always want for more Sam in an episode, but all his parts were necessary and high quality in this one, so I'm not angry at all. 

We start the episode with Donatello making cookies, singing Raindrops are Fallin’ on my Head, which made me smile. It made me think of Butch Cassiday and The Sundance Kid and I love that movie, and if J2 ever want to play the leads in a remake, I would be willing to pay for it myself! 

Donny gets interrupted by the door, and we know this is a problem because its the first 5 minutes of SPN, let's be honest. As soon as I see the bad guy’s wedding ring, I think “Shit... here comes Nick”. I thought he was gonna kill him and I'm glad he didn't. I like Donny, he looks like my dad. 😊

Back at the Bunker, the fam is getting ready for “Winchester Game Night” and Dean is playing Mouse Trap, and having no luck getting it to work. I had that game as a kid too and was never able to get it to work either, but it was fun putting it together! I did think it was a little sad but fitting, that Dean would have played that game as a 4 yr old, but leave it to John and Mary to give Dean a game made for older kids, that never worked out the way it was supposed to and had too many small parts he could choke on. (the irony is not lost on me)

Mary and Jack are in the kitchen. I could literally almost smell the Jiffy Pop popcorn. A Saturday night staple at my house growing up (any of you out there ever taste that greasy salt left on the sides of the foil pan? Good stuff!) and Mary starts in with the questions for Jack. I got a kick out of him telling her its annoying, and her face after. It’s ok Mary, he’s fine, he’s just a teenager now. Something I guess she never got to experience from the adult side. 

Sam is out getting pizza, and all the times they’ve had pizza, I never really saw what Sam likes on his. Apparently both he and Dean like lots of pepperoni. Good choice boys! The joy is short-lived (of course) by Donatello’s call, and Dean and Mary go off to help. I loved Sam sitting there researching. I have always loved his look of interest and concentration during these times. Smart!Sam moment #1 he figures out the language is ancient Hebrew, #2 he has the moment of realization that he knows it’s from the Bible, and knows what chapter and verse. (demerits for the writers though for not knowing Peter is in the New Testament and is in Ancient Greek, not Hebrew, but kudos for Sam/Jared for at least knowing the book is located near the back of The Bible)

Mom and Dean in the car. Now we have the talk about how wrong she knows she’s been but how appreciative she is to have this time with him and Sam. Uhoh... sounds like lines typically given to a character who is soon to be killed off? Hmmm we’ll see. Soon they arrive at Donny’s to find Nick. He says he's poisoned Donny and to save him, they have to help him. He wants to talk. 

Back at the bunker, violent rage!Sam awaits!! GOD that gave me tingles in the best way! I loved Dean leading Nick down the hall in cuffs, in slow motion as if leading him to his execution, and Sam standing there with his chest puffed out like a friggin’ bulldozer, and the snarl and slam attack against the wall!! (hand me that towel, please??) Dean backs Sam off, lots of brother touching going on, but we need intel, we can't kill him yet. 

Now Sam is in self-loathing mode.... he thinks everything is his fault. So many people dying because of him. This is gonna be a big issue soon, I promise. Mom talks Sam off the self-deprecating ledge and tells him he gave Nick another chance because he’s a good man and that's why she’s so proud of him. Sam softens up into the sweetest “aww shucks ma” smile and I want to hug him💕 also, still lines are being spoken by mom that are synonymous with being killed off.

Now, I procrastinated talking about Cas and Anael because the whole thing was boring. I'm not a wife hater but at least make her necessary if you’re going to cast her. I was ok about her role as Sister Jo for Devil’s Bargain but she hasn't been necessary since. Cas wasn't even necessary in this episode. We knew he was hiding the fact that Jack killed the snake, and there are probably 1000 other ways they could have reminded us that the Samulet is still around and maybe they can use it, than for him to find a similar one in the thrift shop or whatever that place was. I dug Methuzula though, he was the oldest dude in the Bible. He wasn’t an angel, for any of you worried about him liking lasagna or why he couldn't just smite Cas... its because he's HUMAN just extremely old. 

On to more interesting things. 

Nick wants to talk to Jack. I was not pleased with Nick referring to Jack as his son. Im not 100% convinced that the writer (and all involved really) remembered that Jack isnt Nick’s son, but added that as a note of empathy Nick has for Lucifer, you’d THINK someone, particularly Jack would say “Im not your son” ?? but anyway, he gives intel to Jack and also gets his blood (dun dun dunnnn) 

Sam is again a smarty pants and knows the antidote for Thalium is Prussian Blue (makes note) and figures he can hack the live feed (brains are so sexy) I also love that Sam’s word is the go word. So many more decisions are made because Sam thinks its the best option than he's ever given for in the fandom. So Sam and Dean take Nick with them to find Donny. 

I really love the broments in this part. Dean tells Nick if he tries anything funny, Sam will shoot him. “And if anything happens to me....” “Sam will shoot me”  “To start!” says Sam... because if he hurts Dean, Sam isnt letting him off that easy. But in true SPN form, as soon as Sam and Dean are separated, shit goes south.

Mom calls Sam and lets him know Donny was shot up with Angel grace, as Jack figured out, Nick was playing them. Now the fight between Sam and Nick ensues! Nick tells Sam why he used Donatello, which was to bring Lucifer back, “You can't, he’s dead he’s in the Empty” Sam says but this show’s self-awareness gets me sometimes lol Nick’s like “Cmon Sam you know no one stays dead anymore” and Sam starts kicking his ass. 

Now, I have already seen a million of you whine and complain that Sam didn’t kill Nick. It’s almost as though some of you have never met Sam Winchester. Of course Sam could have killed Nick, and most of us wish he did, but Sam has stopped himself from killing humans before. He stopped himself with Jake in AHBL and also with Toni in 12x01. Unfortunately it always bites him in the ass. Could it be that Sam thinks if he can kill a human with his bare hands that he’s a monster? This isn’t bad writing folks, this is Sam’s character. 

Nick takes advantage of Sam’s hesitation and starts nailing him with a rock. Spewing crap about Sam being Lucifer’s Perfect vessel and such.... this can only mean that issue will be coming up soon! Sam gets in the car and starts laying on the horn for Dean, calling out to him... Dean hears Sam is in trouble, enough playing around here time to kill some demons. 

When he gets to Sam. he sees he’s badly injured. Sam can hardly hold on to consciousness, protective!dean kicks in! Apply preasure to the blled, call 911, call mom. Now check for brain damage and play a counting game with Sam This hurt my feels so much, it made it feel so much more serious than all the other head injuries he’s sustained. Dean and his caring big brother smile and light hearted speech so Sam doesnt panic just kills me in the best way!! Sam tries to count with him a little and breaks into “You always put me first... your whole life” and manages to muster a little smile. Dean knows Sam believes he’s checking out, and you see the fear all over Dean’s face as Sam fades away. (OMG these 2!! Every freakin time!!)

Meanwhile, Mary and Jack found Nick and he has summoned Lucifer and just about to take him in again (Lucifer looked pretty cool,,, gotta say) and Jack zaps Lucifer back into the rift (no not forever guys... cmon) and starts torturing Nick. Mary kinda flips out telling Jack to stop. He’s contorting his hand, burning him from the inside out... not simply killijng him. Mary is full on worried now. Jack stops and Nick is laying on the floor. Mary is in shock and tells Jack to go help Sam, He heals him and Dean cant even hide his relief as he turns away to catch his breath. 

Now Jack returns to Mary who is more than worried about how Jack was torturing Nick. We know the Winchesters dont mind killing, but draw the line at torture. However, Mary stupidly poked the bear. She could have just kept herself and Jack calm and talked to the boys later, but she poked and poked till Jack freaked out. Though I am wondering if Jack was also hearing Lucifer when he was shouting “Leave me alone!!” But in any regard, he looked at Mary and something happened. Fade to black. 

Aside from the Cas/Anael part, I really enjoyed this episode. A few issues yes, but it hit most of the marks needed for me to enjoy an episode. Ive already rewatched it twice and will again and again. 

On a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon, I give this a strong 7.5 without the Cas/Anael bit it would have been an easy 8.

[skamremakesfromhell]

I will never understand how skam italia got so popular that it somehow developed its own breed of stans outside of regular skam/Rm skam stans? Like i literally see other rm stan accounts othe twitter and tumblr complain about how obnoxious skam it stans are

so idk if you were really asking for a breakdown but i’ve been thinking about this a lot recently so im gonna ramble about it for a bit whoops

so it was always inevitable that the remakes would cause divisions within the skam fandom and i think that’s important to kept in mind. there were divisions when there was only the 1 show! the chaos of 8 was a given lol. so not only would there be people that preferred one remake over another but there was also the immediate division between fans of og who didn’t even wanna touch a remake with a 10 foot pole and og fans that were watching the remakes

so the first rounds of remakes start (skamfr, skamit, druck, and skamus) and there was a lot of excitement and disappointment happening because we were all excited for new content but simultaneously disappointed that the content wasn’t new enough. that s1 was the same exact story across them all. skam france came first and it really set the bar real low. it felt to many like a cheap copycat. it had some fun stuff here and there and the cast was doing a decent job but overall with the constant promise of “change” from the production/cast that never followed through a lot of people quickly got tired of it. by the time s1 was almost over druck and skam italia began to air and a little bit later skam austin starts. right here i think it’s important that s2 of skam france was airing for a majority of the time these others were on since s2 is the season that’s the most “either you love it or you hate it”

a number of people gave up on skamfr either not feeling it/refusing to watch s2/whatever and moved on to the other remakes. i think it’s really important to note that at this time skamit was the only version that was changing “william” in any substantial way. druck only changes at the very end and it’s only the fact that he apologized to kiki on his own but edoardo had been introducing small deliberate changes to his character throughout the season. this gained interest from both noorhelm fan and anti noorhelm people because it was new! and different! compared to the other version not changing much for this storyline and skamfr airing a basic copy of s2 this was an exciting development! it was something that intrigued more og fans

of course you have to remember that everyone thought all the remakes were gonna be terrible. they were all a lost cause from the very beginning. people that were enjoying the remakes were already having to be defensive against og fans who hated the remakes just for enjoying them. skamfr was already kinda a dud, skamus had too much hype and pressure on it since it was the one julie was working on to really live up to that, and druck was falling to the wayside from poor production decisions (going on break for a week within the first month without telling anyone ?!?? really ?!?) skamit s1 did seem to be the best produced, with some interesting character changes, and a nice aesthetic. it quickly became the one most people recommended to others. new person asks “which remake should i watch?” and the first answer would almost always be skamit. italians were all pleasantly surprised by the show which made them want to spread it even more. like “look finally some good italian television!” the actors are good and not super overdramatic! the shots are nice and pretty! everyone on the cast is so pretty! rome is so pretty!

but what made this turn into the skamit fans being their own “separate” fandom? well if you go back through all the #discourse you can see all the number of time skamit fans have had to defend the fact that they liked skamit and that in itself will limit you down to the kind of people are always on the defense. who feel like they have to talk about all the great amazing things to feel validated in liking what they like because people are out there criticizing it. who either don’t care about issues people raise or don’t want to think about it. “why can’t everyone leave us alone” “if you don’t like don’t watch” “this is how italy is and you’re the problem for not understanding that”. the casting of sana caused a lot of people to call out skamit and condemn it as “problematic” and/or refuse to watch it before it even aired. now i believe those people are well within their right to do that. if something like this about a show upsets you you don’t owe it to anybody to watch it. but what this caused was people that wanted to watch skamit/enjoyed it felt the need to dismiss the issues raised by other people in the fandom. this is because 1) people were attacking them for liking skamit and 2) it’s become the culture of fandoms to demand you only enjoy things that meet an incredibly high moral ground and you have to constantly prove that the media you enjoy does that. which is such a disservice to being media literate honestly. and this kept happening. the racist, fatphobic comments, the excuse from the production about sana’s casting, the lack of any minority actors, the excluding of mahdi’s characters, the n-word being used and the mess that was the response from the cast and crew

it was one after another of things that made a number of people decided to not be a fan of skamit anymore and once they’d decided that any new thing that came out just proved to them that they were right! that skamit was racist and they were right for dropping it! but that doesn’t just end there because then it becomes anyone that supports skamit is racist and doesn’t deserve respect. and while all this is happening as every new thing happens and we all argue again about who is the most “morally superior” the fans of skamit are stepping on the toes of anyone that dares to criticize the show. they are defensive because they feel like their character is being attacked. because they feel like they have to be. and so ideologies are clashing all over the place over what is and isn’t racist, what’s good representation, what’s the importance of representation over “realism”, how realistic is skam really, you have muslims saying sana’s casting is disgraceful and muslims saying they don’t mind it, people of color saying it’s bad that there are no pocs and that sana is whitewashed and other people of color saying this isn’t a big deal because it’s realistic for italy, europeans claiming all the hate is coming from americans who live in a “us centric world” and don’t understand european views on race and europeans saying uh no i also think this is racist, italians saying this is just how italy is and italians calling all the racist stuff out. it’s just a ton of arguments that are difficult things to get people to see eye to eye on especially when it’s all over social media text and everyone feels like they have something to prove! prove the show they like is morally sound! prove they’re actually the most “woke”! prove and blame and defend and dog pile on everything! and no one is actually listening to each other because defending or shitting on a show is more important than remembering the humanity behind these arguments. remembering that there’s a person who you’re upsetting! who you are hurting because we’ve all invested too much of ourself in this!

it really bred this perfect space for back and forth arguments that went nowhere because people felt the need to tighten their hold on their own ideologies and to defend their position over any random comments they see. i’m guilty of doing this a number of times. i’ve seen a post in the skam tag and made my own post against it. i’ve seen comments on my post or people sub-blogging me and called them out to address it. this thing this show and all it’s versions are something we as fans all feel very strongly about. and this is really the only space we have to talk about it. to hash everything out. to post whatever thought we have. emotion run high! and with the anonymity of social media these arguments escalate so quickly!

i think it’s accurate to say that skamit fans are defensive. they feel like they have to be because they feel like the reasons they and the show they love are attacked are arbitrary reasons. they’ll dealt with so much criticism that any remark against skamit feels like another attack they need to defend themselves against. which has now created a culture where people are scared to say anything critical of skamit. that they’ll be deemed a hater and told “if you don’t like don’t watch”. but people don’t have to defend against every argument they see! they dont need to sit themselves on a high horse! anti skamit people are told to just leave and not bother with skamit but this goes both ways! skamit fans don’t have to address every criticism!

because of this back and forth that went no where we’ve created a culture where we can’t seem to even have discussions about the show anymore. about what we like/don’t like. what’s working and what’s not. that if you say “i don’t like this” you’ll get someone in your ask box basically saying “fuck you” because we attacked the people that wanted to enjoy the show it’s made them feel that everything is an attack. and this is a phenomenon you see across many fandoms! this morally superior hate-filled childish attacks. and at this point i don’t know if we can undo the damage that’s been done, both to how the fans of skamit view criticizers and how the people that aren’t fans view the fans. and that’s honestly really unfortunate

[peggyfromtheblockk]

Get to Know the Blogger

Hey! So, I’ve realized aside from a few comments here and there, I haven’t really talked on here at all! This sad thought made me realize it was time to share a lot of unnecessary stuff so maybe you can get a basic--detailed--idea of who I am. So here’s a bunch of word vomit and feel free to come talk to me, I promise I’m a lot nicer than a lot of my answers make me seem lol

Name: You can call me E.

Age: 20

Zodiac sign: Aries

Height: 5’7

Languages spoken: English but I do remember a few random words of Spanish

Nationality & Location: American and Michigan

Work: Currently working in the infant room at a daycare

Favorite fruit: Blueberries

Favorite scent: Lavender, vanilla, or apple

Favorite animal: I really love otters and llamas

Favorite fictional character: Dana Scully of course (though, I do have a soft spot for Stella Gibson)

Favorite candy: KitKat’s but currently I’ll devour almost any chocolate given to me

Favorite holiday: Christmas and Halloween. But probably Halloween more because I love the prep and the actual day, whereas I just really love the prep for Christmas

Favorite season: I really like autumn because my hometown and college towns are so beautiful but I love spring because I love everything coming back to life

Favorite Social Media? Twitter, but like, stan twitter

Favorite thing about where you live? I just love that I have some of my favorite people within literal minutes of me. It’s a really comforting feeling. And we have a fair every year which is gross but entertaining at the same time

Favorite swear word? Probably shit, but fuck and damn do escape quite often

What are you listening to:  As of right now When I Kissed The Teacher from MM2

What Books Are You Reading? I have three books I haven’t finished and haven’t touched in like two months. We, Beaches, and Yes Please

What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? Around 1 in the morning usually

What Makes You Happy? A lot of things, though I don’t always realize that. I’m usually an “It’s the little things” person too. BUT to answer, Gillian and msr never fail to make me happy

What Are You Craving Right Now? I could smash a plate of spaghetti right now

What Is Your Gender? Female (she/her pronouns)

What Is Your Sexuality? Bisexual but I’m definitely like 85% women, 15% men

What’s The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? MAMMA MIA 2 IM SO EXCITED

What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? I’m a sucker for blue eyes

What Do You Wear To Bed? A tee and shorts usually but if I’m in The Mood I’ll wear just a tee (Yes, That Mood)

What Sounds Are Your Favourite? I love the sound of a campfire and babies laughing or babbling literally melts my heart

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Usually, their eyes but I’m drawn to those with a bright genuine smile

What’s something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Being With My People. They never fail to make me feel warm and fuzzy. Also when I get a cute little note from my favorite professor on an assignment because she is like the light of my life  

What are your hobbies? When I’m not in school I like to read and I’m able to write some. During school, you can find me watching x files, sleeping, or enjoying movies or music

What’s your favorite book? I love anything by Laurie Halse Anderson and really anything in the YA genre

What inspires you? Gillian is really inspiring to me because of all the work she does to help others. Bette Midler too

What’s your favorite place in the whole world? well, ok. So, I love Mackinac Island because it’s so beautiful and peaceful (even with thousands of tourists covering the tiny location) but I also just love when I’m with my people. When I’m with one of My People wherever we are, that’s my favorite place because I’m really happy. Also, I really love my work because nothing exists outside those four walls except the babies I take care of

What do you typically have for breakfast? A big cup of coffee and the occasional bagel or bowl of cereal

What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? The first semester of my sophomore year I had this 60-70 page case study due for the end of the term for an education class. For at least a week I would stay up until about 5 am working on it, go to sleep, get up at 7:30 am and do it all over again. That’s been my most stressful and sleep deprived time of my life so far and just looking bad makes me shudder. At least I got a 99% on it

What makes you angry? A lot of things. Let’s not get into that.

What makes you nervous? Uh, everything. But thinking about the real part of my future (bills, working, adulting) really gets me going

Do you wear glasses: Yes and these specific frames fucking suck and my eyes keep getting worse (my doctor told me I’d need surgery before I turned 30, wtf thanks dude)

Do You Have Freckles? Yes and it used to bother me how many I have but thanks to fics that mention Scully’s, I’ve become fond of them

Do You Sing In The Shower? When my family or suitemates aren’t home, then yes I usually belt it all out but usually, I stick to humming

Do You Collect Anything? Postcards and shot glasses. And llama things now too apparently

Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? Pool because it’s clean and I can see the bottom

Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? It depends on the subject or the task but I almost always need some type of constant sound

Do You Save Money Or Spend It? Save it usually but I also tend to spend it all on a big impulse purchase

Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? That’s why I’m here lmao

Do You Have Strange Dreams? Alright so I just started taking Zoloft and before it, my dreams would be weird but like unrealistic-weird, like having-a-bad-trip-weird. But since starting the med, my dreams have become realistically-weird, like sometimes I wake up and question if that all really happened

Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? When I’m at school, yes, but when I’m home I usually just say fuck it because I’ll be back in it at least 8 more times

Do You Like To Read / Write? I love to read (fics, duh) but I do try my hand at writing but I struggle to finish anything and I’m terrified to post any of my work on here

Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? YES and it’s just barely halfway into summer break and I’ve got a huge assignment due the first day back

Do You Get Homesick? Sometimes but I really do love my college life and wouldn’t change it

Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? A mix but because of work, jeans most days

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Sarcasm is my middle name

Do you believe in miracles? Yeah I think so

Do you have any special talents? I don’t think so but I’m good at taking care of kids. Sometimes my supervisor calls me the baby whisperer lol

Do you have any pets? Three cats and a dog and some succulents

Do you have any siblings? A little (half) brother and then technically I have four other half-siblings but they don’t know I exist

Do you believe in the paranormal? Absolutely. A big secret of mine….I actually could, and sometimes still can interact with spirits...Just call me Mrs. Spooky

Do you play any instruments? Nope but somehow I have managed to have a guitar and a keyboard in my possession. I do sing though and was in choir for 7 years

Do you have any crushes? Do celebrities or fictional characters count? If no, then no

Do you have any bad and/or anxious habits? I just have panic attacks a lot lmao and I tend to get really bitchy and mean when I’m anxious which I feel bad about but I can’t stop it

Do you believe in anything enough to fight for it? My right to marry whoever I want and have kids with whoever I want and be in control of my body. There’s probably more but those have been on my mind today

Do you keep a journal? Yeah a few actually but I lose motivation after a little bit and it takes so much to start it over

Do you like your age? Yes and no. I’m an adult which is cool and all but like….most of my friends are old enough to drink and it really pisses me off that I’m 9 months short of legally doing that. I’m super responsible and mature for my age like what will 9 months do to change that? It’s just stupid that I can join the military and go thousands of dollars into debt but I can’t have a glass of wine with my mom at a block party. UGH. American laws  S U C K

Do you like your own name? Yes, I love my name. When I was a kid I hated it, I didn’t get the sentiment of being named after someone. I finally got the sentiment around the time my grandma started getting sick. Now that she’s gone, I know just how blessed I am to carry on the legacy of my full name and try to make her proud.

Do you have any scars? Oh plenty, I’m really clumsy. My most notable is the one on my thumb from a freak childhood accident that nearly cut my entire thumb pad off. What a wild time

Do you have a strong accent? I’m from Michigan so apparently, I have a strong Midwestern accent but I don’t hear it. But anytime I’m on the phone/skyping with my friend from Missouri, she always points it out and laughs

Do you talk to yourself? Probably too much but also not in the way that I think is expected. I’m just constantly talking in my head like a constant tv interview about whatever the fuck I’m thinking about which 99% of the time is msr lol

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: All of the above

Beer or wine or neither: W I N E

When was your blog created: I knew this was the place to find the best gifs and fics and I wanted to be in the fandom more since I’m so new. Also, I wanted to try my hand at fic writing but I continue to lose the motivation or the courage to write/post

Last movie you’ve seen: Hotel Transylvania is pretty much on repeat in my house thanks to my little brother, so most likely it’s that

First job: My first job was customer service/field hand on a blueberry patch but my first legit legal job is/was at a daycare

Pet peeve: The first I can think of is slow walkers because I walk so fast because my legs are like a mile long

The color of your eyes: Green but they used to be giant sky-blue saucers

Night owl/day person: I don’t like getting up before 9 but past midnight I’m a grouch

Tattoos:  None yet, but I have two planned, it’s just a matter of money and timing

Like to cook: Not really but I can cook enough to survive which is typical for college

Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 20 Give the last two lines: “Action: Today I will be kind to myself. Affirmation: This is who I am, and I feel glad to be me” - We

Last Person You Cried In Front Of? I cried while holding a baby at work because my shift is changing so things will be different and also my hormones are really out of whack right now

If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? Any shade of purple

Name One Movie That Made You Cry: Beaches is my go-to crying movie, same goes for Steel Magnolias (what a typical answer, I know)

If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? Cher, Reba, DD, Bette Midler or Straight No Chaser. Reba especially though because she’s going to be near me soon but it's a 21+ event and I’m nine months short of that so I’m really pissed I can’t go

Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? Carve pumpkins but I do a damn good job wrapping too

Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? I loved it even though it made me sick. There’s a park down the street from my campus so if I’m really upset, I’ll go down there and blast my headphones and swing until I forget what’s happening. It’s really therapeutic

Name Something That Relaxes You: I have some relaxing instrumental playlists and I’ll put one of them on, turn on my lavender oil diffuser, and hop in a nice hot shower (and the hot water at college doesn’t run out so I can pretty much be in there for like ever really) or I’ll watch a fav movie that tends to soothe me

Scary movie or happy endings? Happy endings give me life. The fluffier the better

When was the last time you cried? I’m sure I’ve cried today and just don’t remember. There’s literally not a day that goes by that I don’t shed tears but I literally cry so easy (This video or this video will make me cry almost instantly)

Where would you like to visit? I’ve wanted to visit Barcelona and California since I was a kid but in the past 4 years I’ve really wanted to visit New York and Greece

Describe your favorite people in the whole world? I’ll just sum all five of them up with they literally make me feel so warm, happy, and validated. I love them so much I could cry just thinking about them. And don’t get me started with Gillian because I do often cry when I think  about her I just really love her a lot ok

Who would be your ideal partner? Gillian Anderson, Dana Scully, or Fox Mulder of course. No, but I want someone who’s like me morals/humor wise

Most used phrase? Right now I’m really into saying “Yikes” but “god fucking dammit” leaves my mouth A LOT

Most used word? Probably “like” as much as I hate to admit it

Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert 100% except when I’m with My People of course because I feel comfortable with them

Who was your first real crush? I had plenty of crushes during early school years but I think my first real one was on a school employee. Wowza I was head over heels for her and the very obvious knew-it-was-coming heartbreak hurt a lot

How many piercings do you have? Just my first holes in my ears but I’ve been thinking about getting my Helix pierced (upper portion of the ear)

How do you deal with stress? Uhhhh I panic first lol. I tend to listen to music—very specific songs that I know will drown out the anxiety/stress, or sometimes I’ll write what I’m feeling, go for a walk, read an absolute favorite fic in my list, watch x files, or I’ll just scroll through my thousands of pictures of GA lol

How many pillows do you sleep with? Three, sometimes four and then I have four accent pillows when I make my bed. Too many, as I’ve been told by everyone

Have you ever been to the hospital? Been to? Yes, plenty of times. Been in/admitted? No, thankfully

Have you ever met any celebrities? In 2016 I went to a rally for Hillary that Cher was speaking at so like…I was in the same room as her. AND THEN my friend shoved me up to her path as she was leaving and she touched my hand and I literally nearly passed out

Have you ever been in a position of authority? I am always deemed the mom friend so I’ll let you figure out that answer...

Have you ever drank underage? Yeah but nothing crazy. I just really like my wine. The craziest I’ve ever gotten was after I turned in that case study, I chugged half a bottle of wine (on an empty stomach), got bad heartburn, and then went to bed for like 14 hours

Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? Depends on the person, but I’d have to say no unless it’s Gillian/Scully/Stella

Are You A Picky Eater? I say yes, but compared to my brother and my uncle, no

Are You A Heavy Sleeper? Usually yes

Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? Just my momma, but I do see my *gag* father around my hometown every now and again

Are you religious? Not really. I used to go to church a few years back, and then went to another church which ruined a lot of stuff for me and then I went through some tough stuff that made me question, idk

Are you a good liar? I like to think so (I say that as if lying is something I should be proud of), at least to everyone but my mom because I swear I can pull off the best lie ever and she always sees right through me

Are you a clean or messy person? My home life is messy. My room is trashed but the things that are put away are organized. But life at college is completely opposite, my dorm is very clean and organized and I clean it top to bottom every weekend

If you made it this far, thank you for putting up with my crazy long first post, and I’m sorry that I practically vomited my thoughts into a jumbled mess but I wanted to share myself with you! 

[angeljonghyun]

So i guess here goes my longer ramble about my feelings and thoughts. No need to read it. Feel free to ignore it. The only way for me to feel relief is to post it online in some way and although i know tumblr is such a toxic site its the only space that feels right for it. its probably full of typos and doesnt make any sense, but hey who cares.

So yeah

Lately a lot of things happened, things which im thankful for and things that help me heal, but theyre not big of a help since my emotions are so strong. As some might know im currently in a clinic for relaxation 5 days a week from 10 am-2:30 pm and its pretty tough. Being around people again, experiencing painful moments during acupuncture (they find good spots that make me cry, not even really bc theyre hurting but they just make me feel all my inner pain all at once), feeling uncomfortable around certain people there and not loving all therapists bc theyre way too harsh with their words.

The past weeks have been intense and exhausting.. and since its all about relaxing i had much time to think. I had lots of time to think about jjong. Sadly it never felt like i have space, strength and time to heal properly.

I feel lots of pain,my heart feels so heavy, im bitter and im weak? Im forcing my emotions to stay calm, i hate crying in the clinic, i cant open up properly and just dont want to cry there all the time although i know i should but i just cant.

Jjong is on my mind 24/7 like literally 24/7 hes always there, always was and idk how much longer he will be but i want him to leave. My memories and the emptiness which i feel is too much, its draining me its hurting so freaking much that i cant even put it in words and the bad thing is that no one really understands.

People may know that im sad in a way but i dont think anyone understands my pain completely, obviously not, no one ever knows how one truly feels, but its a devastating feeling. Its a feeling that makes me feel quite lost and lonely, because the only person i always believed would understand my pain was him. He was my safe haven, he was the one who would be there and never judge and just understand.

Its a really sick part of my mind which has still control over this part of my emotions, i cant trust anyone, i always.. ALWAYS feel judged and i always feel like a burden and i never want to talk about my struggles because it only causes so much more chaos or eventually i never feel like the person tries and feel all lonely and unimportant again.

Jjong he was just there.. you know ?

Just his existence caused some kind of comfort for my soul, a place to rest and feel nothing but good things for a bit although even he was hurting me too, but i accepted it bc he was far away and it was ok. He was so far away always and that gave me the chance to create the 'perfect' comfort zone. I didnt know him, he was never here.. i will just pick out parts i need and use them to stay alive.

Its not something good, but i feel like everyone does this stuff with their bias. Some more than others. I did it too much and that shows how weak and hurt my soul is. Instead of working on my problems properly i just fled into the comfort of jjongs existence, one that was so very similar to my mothers, my mother who i have lost in november 2014. winter... buried in december. Winter. The season where I lost the most important person in my life not only once, but twice now.

Jjong was like a mother to me. I cant describe my feelings for him in another way. He protected me from so much evil within myself while i wanted to protect him too at all costs and it feels HORRIBLE to have failed yet another time. It hurts so fucking much that i lost him too. He who was the biggest reason for me not to kill myself after my mom died. He who was the reason why i started eating again after developing an eating disorder. He who caused so much good in my life. He who in some way managed to manipulate me in the best possible way.

In the end it was all me, i know that, but its still the bond i had to jjong. A sick and sad one and the worst part is that i felt ready to let go slowly at the end of last year. I started realizing that i coudlnt be thinking about him all the time anymore. I want to start going to school again after 4 years of nothing but therapy. I would HAVE to let go and create a more healthy relationship. I was so ready. And then he took his own life..

He stole the opportunity from me to change. He left me here. He left me and all my problems still attached to him behind. Hes not here anymore and although i never saw him or heard or felt him in real life it makes such a huge difference to me and at the same time it doesnt. That is one of the most confusing and depressing feelings ive ever felt.

I wanted to see him in 2018.. i had many chances to see him but never one to go with me. I finally had someone to go with... and now im here.. with that opportunity gone. My biggest wish my biggest dream, the ONE thing that kept me alive for so long. Gone... all ive ever wanted was to see him live. And now.. yeah.

Those are all selfish reasons. I know that. If you even read this then no its not all i feel, but of course my feelings towards him are most important to me, its the only feelings i can work on and the only ones i truly feel. My healthy grief is there too. A distanced version of what i personally feel and no other could. But thats not truly what this post is about. Please dont judge.

So now im here and i dont know what to do.

Death has been the worst and most intense trigger in my life forever. I started being so afraid of death as a child that i could not sleep anymore bc i thought i would die. It was a horrible time, therapy followed, fear left for a few years and came back as strong as ever. Its here too now. My fear. Another reason why i am alive now, yet its not strong enough to truly shut my self destructive thoughts up. Ive noticed that around the time of jjongs burial. I was ... so ready to leave. I still feel sympathy and empathy for myself there. Bc my pain is so big. Its truly so immense but no one truly knows or cares much. Maybe my therapist, but i doubt it.

Well im now always thinking about death and jjong being dead and ive said before that these thoughts are really killing me inside. Idk where he is, how he is, how he feels, does he feel? Whats up with him... what happens??? Its so scary. I find zero comfort in the thought of him resting bc where is he? Is he resting? Does he know? Where is the man i love so freaking much? Where is my mom? Is she with him? Are they lonely?

Ive always said

When its about death, i envy religious people. They have something to hold onto. I have nothing but the unknown in my head. Another one of my biggest fears and my loved ones are stuck in there. In the unknown. And im not there and i couldnt say goodbye to either of them.

Im so bitter i envy everyone whose bias is still there and im always thinking why him. Why HIM why another person of My life why someone i love so much why when i was feeling so much better thanks to him why did he have to suffer. Will i lose everyone?

Im afraid to sleep still bc im scared to wake up to news of another loved one gone. The fears and memories, theyre everywhere. I cant escape and i hate it and dont know how to process.

The most important form of jjong to me was and still is the fictional one, although jjong as a distant human being will always be more fictional to me than real. The fictional version which i have created for my own reasons, its still there just like always, its still cheering me up, its sweet its cute and lovely, but still hard to work with bc i always end up thinking about the real jjong.

Now after seeing the pictures of his grave i rather see that image than him as a person. I welcome that. Im glad i saw the pics bc its all more real to me now, im glad i saw the burial video.. although i never wanted it to be filmed or real in the first place. I dont think i would be still as sane as i am atm if i didn’t see this stuff.

I know that im doing quite good.. i should be proud of myself i guess.. but my pain is overshadowing everything else to the point where im completely at loss of every emotion just thinking about jjong not being here anymore.

Knowledge about his passing, own experiences and the whole process, everything. It haunts me.

Its quite a long way to go i think. I always felt so close to him, we were so similar and although he had many flaws i didnt quite like, especially as i was getting more healthy and he was still stuck, i still loved him so much and accepted that. He was getting so much better from and outside point of view and maybe that was the reason why he finally found strength to leave and its such a sad thing to think about, but i cant really change a thing anymore.

Sadly. Yeah ..

At the end of this i just want to say. Please just care, be there and if a depressed person in your life gets better please pay special attention bc it might be their chance to end it all. I dont want people to die bc of that dumb fucking illness anymore and i know its not possible to prevent it completely but well..

Im tired and theres still so much more to say for me but i cant say much more now. My head hurts and i need to get up and do something in order to forget about all of this for a while.

Please stay strong, please dont give up. I promise you one day it will get better, never fully ok, but better.

Im trying my best to find joy in jjong and shinee again, i doubt that i will, but im trying. I wont leave the fandom now, but im not the same anymore. Listening to shinees or jjongs music is impossible, watching videos too. If you feel the same its fine. Just do whats right for you. Im just here feeling happy for the others and hoping that theyre feeling better slooowly each day a little. Just like i hope it to be for everyone else.

If you came till here. Thanks for caring. Please take care of yourself, you are very loved. Life is hard, but not impossible.

Stay strong.