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withdenim · 5 months

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Lullaby <3

#one day I’ll learn to draw feet/shoes lmao #anyways they’ve been killing me the last few weeks #I can’t think about them and be normal I have to pick one #Kai RAISED her guys…. they were both so LITTLE #when Nya said my brother was always my hero #god. what if my heart shattered into one billion pieces #now imagine this is after a game of countershot #they’re eepy!!! they’ve been running around!!#ninjago #my art #lego ninjago #dragons rising #ninjago Kai #ninjago nya #Nya jiang #Kai Jiang #ninjago fanart #the scars are just burns amassed over time as Kai tries to figure out blacksmithing with literally no guidance #he was like five. rip girl

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dailyloopdeloop · 6 months

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DAY 7: i miss my wife bonbon

#codacheetah #isat #loop isat #twohat spoilers #isat act 6 spoilers #SLIDING IN WITH 14 MINUTES TO THE CLOCK YEA BABY #this is like the dollar store version of what i had in my head but in my defense i was out all day. woopsiedoodle #its my personal postcanon headcanon that sif goes on like a several month 'i miss my dead wife' arc about loop bc he thinks they evaporated #into the either infinity war style after their fight. so theyre rlly sad and emo n shit about it but theyre like well. i hope loop is happy #at least. i hope they moved on and found peace :)#meanwhile loop does not know what moving on is they are clawing onto mortality with every last sap of their strength #always approximately 4 seconds from deciding to track down the party #but theyre scared so they spend all their time fuckin playing with birds and scaring kids or whatever #until one day siffrin's like stars i know they probably cant hear me but i miss them. and like does the handsign morosely #and then after several seconds loop picks up like ....hi stardust!!! wow you really didnt miss me that much huh!!!#siffrin voice: YOU'RE NOT FUCKING DEAD?!#anyways what heinous crime did the running one commit. leave your answers in the comments below #also. happy one week of this fucking guy!!!

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oh-warizoro · 5 months

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Do you ever just think that Zoro - the character that always gets lost - is the one that, whenever shit hits the fan, keeps Luffy and the SHs from losing their way?!

I think about that all the time....

#zolu #zoro #Firstmate behavior #I rewatched water 7 last week and now this is all I can think about #When Luffy and Usopp argue and everyone literaly runs after Usopp and Zoro's the only one that stays with Luffy inside the room #like he only walks out after Luffy himself leaves.#And later when they find out about Robin's betrayal from her and everyone is losing their mind #Zoro's the one telling them what their options are; what they should do; and Luffy actually pays attention. He listens the whole time.#I gotta pick up my old zolu water 7 draft that arc is insanity #§mine #text

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yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit · 17 days

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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that #but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to #play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite #but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head #And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother #and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand #to have empathy for how I must be feeling #I mean it's still all on her #but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy #Every time I was like #In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved #And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking #heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked #and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed #to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was #bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window #I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants #he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it #I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream #the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life #and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it #and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD #so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house #I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back #there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still #this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard

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alluralater · 4 months

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hey everyone, i won’t be as active for a while. got home last night super late after being on the road for 20 some odd hours. dealing with some family things and as an older sister, my priority of taking care of my siblings comes first before anything else. being on here is amazing for me but i don’t think i’ll have much time for it. reminder to please treat those in your life who are battling addiction with patience and care. i lost my older brother (sweetest person i’ve ever known and he remained that way up until his last night) to suicide and alcoholism, trauma and ptsd, depression and his feelings of hopelessness. talk with the people you care about. another of my siblings is dealing with the same and i refuse to let it escalate to such a terrifying end twice in less than a fucking year. remind the people you care about that there are beautiful things to live for. show them kindness and love. there is all kinds of misinformation out there but know this, you can make a difference for someone. don’t let them suffer in silence.

#if you have me on snap then you saw the super gorgeous views and such on my way to idaho but what you did not see was me picking #up my little sister. propping her body up with pillows in a hotel room to make sure she didn’t aspirate on her own vomit in her sleep.#pouring out her water bottle of white claw and talking to her about drug use.#i never make her feel as though she has disappointed me or that she should feel ashamed. shame helps nothing. love helps everything.#i’m going to get her back into treatment soon- i just need her to know she has a home when she’s out. detoxing here first and being #positively reinforced for every single step of the process is so fucking important. it was terrifying to learn that if i had not gone to ge #her when i did that she probably would have died there in the next few weeks.#my fear of death for her is not what guides me though and there’s a huge difference between that and doing something out of love. being #there in dire moments is important yes- but being there through the mundanity of recovery is JUST as vital. it’s a process and it’s hard.#she’s moving in with me for awhile so i can help her through this sensitive time in her recovery.#she’s trying so hard and being recognized for that has literally been making her sob. knowing she has people who truly care for her is #everything. now that my stepdad is away from her like across the country i can actually finally help her. she’s starting to understand and #without me saying anything- she is starting to see what he’s done to her and our family. she needs love and support and stability. she need #reasons to live. sorry im kinda rambling a lot in these tags but i just… i can’t lose another one. the love i carry for my siblings is #unlike any other. i’ve treated them like my children since i was a child and those are my own issues but our mother is gone now too so it i #up to me.#losing my brother last september and my mom the year before that- grief has just been back to back.#in the hotel room i couldn’t sleep. she fell asleep so quickly and all i could do was watch her and think about all of the things i want to #do to make her feel like her life has value and worth enough to stay here and not go. my little sister is forever four years old in my mind #yes she’s an adult of 23 but she is a baby to me. she’s so young and she has so much ahead of her. she deserves a happy and fulfilled life.#our lives have been… very hard. 4 out of 5 of us are still standing and i plan on keeping it that way.#this is not the pain olympics or whatever but listen- if i put an adult in any of the situations we were in as children they would not #survive. we only did because there was no other choice. now there are escapes and we are old enough to try them all- every single one of us #has searched for some escape. it spirals and escalates and it doesn’t help but it is an escape. giving her love and affection and getting #her the help she needs and doing it the RIGHT way- it lessens the need for escape. there is nothing wrong with being an addict.#addiction ends one of two ways. life or death. unfortunately there is no in between. she’s going to feel everything- bad and good. i want #her to know there is so much good. that she is good. every move i make right now matters so i don’t think i’ll have time for tumblr or #much socializing.#just a heads up yk. thank you for your patience in advance <3

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pearl-kite · 24 days

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Want to see some neat things about how irises grow?

Remember when I dug up and divided ALL of my irises at my parents' place a few years back? And how I ended up with 50 rhizomes, and I had bought 9 more just a bit before that?

Well, my mom wants to try to amend the soil because it's not great. Most of the irises have just been surviving, but not well enough to bloom, and everything else planted in the area struggles similarly. In order to amend the soil, though, I needed to dig them all up.

Again.

I dug up 44 rhizomes this time, which is honestly a bit better than I expected. I knew that not all of the ones I put in were going to survive, but I was still surprised by how many I just dug up today.

Anyway, the learning bit!

So irises aren't bulbs, they're rhizomes. Each year they put up leaves at one end, and over time they kind of end up migrating in that direction. If they do really well at gathering and storing energy, instead of just continuing forward, they'll fork, putting up leaves on two sides and a stalk with blooms in the center. The following year, the pattern continues, going forward from each side of that fork. If a rhizome does REALLY well, you'll end up with a bunch of forks spreading out.

The one on the left has survived, but not gone very far, and the white at the end shows that I accidentally broke some of the old rhizome off when I was digging it back up. It also happens to be a dwarf variety, so the rhizome is smaller to begin with; all my other photos are of intermediate and tall bearded irises with much larger rhizomes.

The one on the right has done well enough to grow forward for a few years, with the oldest of the rhizome at the bottom (still healthy and full of stored energy!) and the newest year's growth at the top. Looking at the rhizome itself, I'd guess that one is about 4 years (which makes sense, 'cause I think I did the splitting back in 2020).

The one on the left bloomed this year; you can see the flower stalk dried out in the center, and the new fork in the rhizome to the sides. Next year, they'll continue in those two directions, and it won't go forward from the stalk any longer.

The one on the right bloomed a few years back, and though it kept growing forward from there, it hasn't bloomed since. The other side of the fork also died off, and it's now only growing in one direction again.

Last but most certainly not least we have THIS beast. This one has bloomed the last two or three years in a row. I honestly can't tell if the guy at the bottom right is part of the same rhizome or another one I planted too close that got subsumed by this monster, because it took ten minutes to get most of the clay off and there was still more. I'll need to actually rinse it off with the hose to really see if it's all one plant or two.

But I'm 95% sure that this guy is going to bloom again next year because of those nubs down along the bottom. They were below the soil, and they're too thick to be new roots, so I'm guessing that's what future growth looks like. Honestly, this guy should probably be divided, but I also don't want to ruin the chance of it blooming next year, so I'm going to put him back in the dirt as is and maybe divide next year after blooming season.

Anyway, irises are my favorite, and I think it's intriguing how they work. I'm hoping that we can get the soil a bit more balanced and that they'll do better after replanting them, because even though I just dug up 44, we only had 4 or 5 bloom this year. They aren't thriving in the soil as-is, because for as long as they've been established we should have had more blooming than that. It was still the best year since dividing them, though.

I've brought a bunch of them over to my apartment and I'm going to try them out in containers, mostly the dwarf varieties I had. ONE of the dwarfs bloomed this year and it was gorgeous, but I'm hoping the rest will do better in new soil with some extra attention.

#irises #gardening #flowers #long post #I'm going to be digging clay out from under my nails for a week #honestly I don't think the clay is the worst part #I think the worst was where there's LESS clay and the water just drains straight through #oh that last pic you can see the rhizomes of the ones behind it which didn't bloom this year #but you can see the fork that shows it bloomed last year or the year prior #I DID plant them slightly below ground they just kind of eroded to the top over time #you're actually not supposed to plant them very deep and apparently should only cover the rhizome if it gets really hot where you are #one of the ones I dug up I had planted too deep and it forced itself back up it's like an S it's kind of funny #there's an iris grower in town that has THOUSANDS of varieties you can browse and purchase from every summer #her site says over 3000 anyway #I'm not allowed to go anymore :|#I have too many #but that's why I'm not going to be TOO sad if they don't survive in the containers #the thing that makes me saddest is the ones that keep blooming are not the ones I picked for myself #they're the kind of bland ones I picked for my mom or she picked for herself. Just a really normal pale purple. Meh.#the really fun colorful ones haven't bloomed yet and I've genuinely forgotten what they're supposed to look like ;3;#except for that dwarf I love him #I also found a few peanuts in shells in the dirt while I worked I think a squirrel must have been stashing them?

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ninjas-and-coffee · 11 months

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Current Ninjago *wip* Projects List

Ninjago Arena: Ninjago but a Mortal Kombat game animation project

NRB: Ninjago but i wrote a bad rap battle or like 3

Darkleys Graduation: I made darkleys more serious and whatnot

Animatics: Dont be Sad -Tate McRae (Morro) Rockstar - CallmeKarizma(Jay) Thot -Tokyo's revenge(Llorumi critical/joke)

Art Projects that will take me 20+ hours to finish feat: Overjay au, Overlord Possesion type study??, Post-Possesion au(art and writing) Ninjago: WhatIf (art+writing). Other long ass art starts

For all the people who didn't ask why i keep disappearing or why i mention a project you've never heard of. There's a lot. And I'm not even including the 17fic backlog. Ufkbfkabfakb.

Feel free to ask about any of these, I just answer asks slowly because of anxiety around disappointing people or just not having an immediate response. Or if they're compliments i just save them for encouragement.

#ninjago #coffee speaks #coffee doodles #sketch #coffee wips #ninjago au #This post is fucking massive buts its interest how i manage to not juggle any of these properly #arena is the most fleshed out its just time consuming and i think i hate the animation process but like animations yknow??#same with the animatics...i pick them up once every 2 weeks but with the exception of 'thot' they're all like 1200 frames #and i animate on 8 frames a second for my peace of mind #the rap battles are coming along slowly...they rhyme they just don't burn the way i want them to. I wanna make a server but social anxiety #the last group project i was in Ninjago: Master of abridgedzu fell apart because there wasn't any real order to the thing.#the writing team vs the VA team was vastly different. And i loved every fucking session even the ones never posted #maybe ill di them out of my files and post but most of the mods from that server became inactive like a year ago so i don't know #if im allowed to just post that yknow.#I wanna bring it back but it needs structure that i can't provide by myself.#If you made it to the bottom of this wall of text comment one of these ^-^ so i can be your friend lmao bye #coffee art

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despairforme · 3 months

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#[ GOOD MORNING EVERYONE !! hope you're having a lovelyyyy day! ]#[ woah i'm in such a good mood ]#[ everyone is so nice to me all the time ]#[ i'm forever super supported and feeling all the love t-t blessed ]#[ also yesterday i went to volleyball practice (i play twice a week) and it was the most fun aaaa ]#[ i never thought i'd ever enjoy playing a sport.. ]#[ i was always the kid who hated gymclass and got picked last for teams LOL ]#[ now i'm living my haikyuu life....... wtf ]#[ also been very inspired for my ocs recently and worked on them on my instagram uvu// ]#[ i'm very inspired for art atm but !!!!111 the weather is nice for 2 more hours before it starts raining xD SO I GOTTA ENJOY IT AND WRITE #[ - i always bring my laptop outdoors to write uvu - ]#[ anyways this got long i'm just !!! excited !! ]#[ hope you're all enjoying your day! ]#toby post. ╱ out of character.#[ ALSO MAN OH MAN I HAVE A TON OF INTERESTING THREADS GOING I'M HYPED ]

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weirdo09 · 27 days

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who needs kids to pick on them when you already have a built in bully?

#cade’s things #cade’s thoughts 💭#I just love being bullied everyday by my mom #don’t you?#I also just love when she says that she’s gonna go and do things for me but never does or backs out last minute “somebody else can do that”#shoulda never showed her my school outfits like I do not give a damn abt them kids if they pick on me they pick on me but you’re obviously #not gonna care or be told abt it like ??#you really think I give a damn abt them kids who can’t even wash themselves properly ?!?!#also just like I do not dress for them I don’t buy clothes and be like “will I get bullied in this?”#and you talkin bout you tryna help me over an all pink outfit? a pink shirt wit white writing and pink leggings is too much pink?#like it’s a pink outfit that’s the point I don’t care abt them I just wanted to wear it #then I’m giving attitude all for saying that I’ll just pick out another outfit for that day since you don’t like that one #that’s what you said? started goin on a whole rant about how you bought a shirt for them leggings then went ahead and was like #“you’re only gonna be wearing jeans?” like yeah #i don’t have that many pairs of leggings for a 4 day school week #and that outfit was gonna be my only legging outfit but I can’t just wear a pink Regina George shirt and pink leggings wit white shoes that #would be too much pink? okay I really don’t care anymore #then wanna complain about my closet and the fact we’re moving and you don’t wanna spend a whole day packing it up like.#i did not choose to go to a one bedroom apartment where i’mma be living in the dining room area ?!?!#eh whatever #don’t really know why you care it ain’t like you gonna be wearing it and also for the last time I do not care about them kids #they don’t run my life if I got bullied you would not care and blame it on me or my clothes like right now #jesus christ I just can’t

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sysig · 2 months

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Everything day

#Had an Extremely long Game Day with smol today and I think it fixed my brain so that's great news #Past week has been rough!!!! Got hit with a semi-minor anxiety episode and a pretty serious depression episode to bookend last week #I'm all good it's just - took a bit out of me lol #Any number of things really too many to list so I'll just sum up as blegh - feeling better now #Started a new printing project!! Looking forward to that hopefully gonna do some test printing tomorrow #It Should work out well but pfbtl I can't count on my formatting skills for nonsense - shapes wtf are those #Been drawing <3 Been writing <3 #Thinking quite very seriously about returning to doodle roots something awful #I tend to spend a Long Long time editing my stuff down by three different phases #Makes them very pretty! But I think I've had enough of that for the moment #New! Novelty! Needed and necessary and I'd rather Write about these than fuss more about how Pretty Or Not they are #They're pretty enough! I've made shapes on paper that previously didn't exist and now I can think about them as they are! Magic!#So that's the current plan - do still have One more step of editing to do before that lol but smol had offered me videos to listen to during #Good to have longer videos so I'm not constantly start-and-stopped #Oh and Pepper went into molt Again and just came out and he's genuinely gigantic now #And so dark! Handsome boy was a nice soft brown when we picked him up and so tiny small and now he's nearly black and huge #And so furry now he's definitely at least twice as fuzzy #Got him to eat - he was definitely hungry but he seems to be pacing himself still #Everything everything

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pupkou · 3 months

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i’m literally going to **** ******

#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could #only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and #PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened #so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy #and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull #up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp #oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt #because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t #stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a #behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going #through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio #and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to #have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not #good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH #NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION #I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)

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famewolf · 11 months

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going to be spending the day with my mom for the first time in a long while. she wants to get me new shoes and is bringing over a whole box of stuff from Costco that she got me and my husband.

even though I'm on the cusp of 30, she still likes to be a mom, and I'm forever grateful for it. might not have any of the rest of my family after I was disowned but I've got my mom and my little brother and that's all I could ever ask for

#[static]#i didnt tell her about how stressful last week was but she called at random this weekend to talk about my brother with me #and then she mentioned she was going to costco and wanted to pick me up some stuff which ... she's learned at this point to not ask #because i Will say 'no' or 'dont worry about it' or 'im fine!' and as she was telling me for the tenth time ... it's something that brings #- her joy. to provide things for her kids when she's able to so that they can breathe a little easier knowing there's food in the pantry #and she's been begging me to let her buy me shoes for like ... 2 years but i keep saying no fkjghd i definitely need them but -#- help makes me want to crawl into my skin and die #but my combat boots are toast and theyve definitely Not been helping my knee situation #like our relationship was super complicated during the first couple of decades of my life but we've been working it out now as adults #anyways i think it'll be a fun day! she wants to stop by a local farm to look around and we always have fun just hanging out

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siena-sevenwits · 1 year

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:-)