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dbnightingale24 · 3 years ago

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The Idea Of Marrying Me

Ransom One Shot

Okay, so this is part 2 to ‘A Disaster From The Start’. I’m making it known now that there will be a part 3 and it’ll be the final part (so don’t yell at me too much). I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I really did try to make this shorter and by doing so, I made this longer. I really don’t know why my brain is like this. Once again, @maroonsunrise83 made and amazing moodboard and I love her to bits!! (Thank you!!) So, here we go and I hope you all enjoy it!

Word Count: 32,912 (I’m honestly so sorry, y’all)

Warnings: Smut (so much smut), MINORS DNI, arguing, public sex, public fingering, drinking, swearing, cheating, Daddy kink, heartbreak, angst, drama, crying (the fucking crying, holy shit), unprotected sex, family drama, lying, degradation kink, anal sex (slight), so on and so forth, I’m sure I missed something.

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter:

Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

Back To Black - Amy Winehouse

You Know I’m No Good- Amy Winehouse

Love Is A Losing Game - Amy Winehouse

He Can Only Hold Her - Amy Winehouse

Too Little To Late - JoJo

Break The Man - Tears For Fears

Breaking The Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers

I Don’t Wanna - Aaliyah

All I Need - Aaliyah

Only One - Ariana Grande

Dead Horse - Hayley Williams

Run The Road - Santigold

Fall To Pieces - Avril Lavigne

Summary: After taking some much needed time away from Ransom, you truly believe that you’re ready to head home, new fiancé in hand, and handle whatever he throws your way. What happens when he forces you to realize that you haven’t moved on as much as you think you have?

I do not consent to gave any of my works/stories posted elsewhere.

You sit in the bridal suite, looking down at the ring on your finger. It’s felt heavy since the day it was placed on your finger. It feels too heavy. How had you even gotten yourself into this situation? How is it that you always find yourself in the wrong situation?

“Babe, what is the problem with going back home? We’ve been together for 2 years and I’ve never seen where you grew up. It’s not even like it’s far from us,” your fiance, Ryan, questioned with a small chuckle as he drove you both to your childhood home.

“I just don’t liked going,” you sighed, looking out the window; a small sense of happiness coming over you as started to recognize the scenery around you.

You hadn’t been home for 5 years. It was the best move for you, even though it hurt like hell, its what you kept telling yourself. Ransom had finally promised everything you ever wanted from him, but it was just too late. Too much had happened, and there was too much pain. He begged for hours, only leaving when you were both too tired to cry any longer. You didn’t see him again until your graduation, where he surprised you with a bouquet of your favorite flowers: peonies.

After your parents took you out to dinner, Ransom picked you up and took you out to a movie, then for a walk, in which you two talked about everything except what was wrong. The night ended with you against his bedroom wall and him deep inside of you, decorating your neck and chest with hungry and desperate kisses.

You snuck out of his house the next morning and made your way back home, making sure everything you truly wanted was packed before leaving and driving to your new apartment. You hadn’t bothered to tell Ransom that you were moving or that you’d changed your number. You just couldn’t bear it. You forced yourself to block him on social media and did your best to not ask about him.

A clean break.

The crying didn’t stop for at least a year, but when it finally did, you were happy because it finally became easier to mask the pain.

You were finally able to get your mom to leave your father and you were the one to represent her in court. As much as it pained your father, he wasn’t surprised and he was more than fair with dividing up everything between them. Of course it didn’t surprise you or your brother when they started sleeping with each other a few months later. No, you both weren’t supposed to know, but it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.

In the time that you and your mother spent together, she’d tell you about Ransom even though you begged her not to.

“Mom, just stop,” you huffed, closing your laptop and gathering your files. “I’m just not strong enough. I’m not even strong enough to hear this.”

“But babygirl-”

“No mom, he did this. I hate that it’s hurting him and that he’s miserable, but how do you think I feel? He did this to me! For fucks sake, I don’t even go home now because I’m terrified of running into him!” you sighed, forcing yourself to hold back your tears. “He cheated on me, twice. He had everything he wanted...no mom. Just no.”

“Love always finds a way,” she smiled softly before getting up. “See you on Friday?”

“Yeah,” you said and cleared your throat. “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie.”

That night you decided to torture yourself and look at the photos you two took in the Hamptons, because it was all you had left. You told yourself a million times that you would delete them, but every time you thought you had the strength to do it, you just ended up in tears. However, you knew you needed to stop and you told yourself that you were gonna put yourself back out there. So after seeing your mom that Friday, you went out with a group of work colleagues and decided to at least try and have fun.

Insert Ryan.

He’d been trying to get your attention for some time, but you never paid much mind to him. It’s not like there was something wrong with him; he just wasn’t Ransom.

At least that’s what it was like at first.

You let him take you back to your apartment that night, and even let him kiss you goodnight. That was the limit, because you refused to let yourself move too fast or end up in another ‘friends with benefits’ relationship.

Ryan was patient and took it at the pace you wanted. In the beginning, Ryan was sweet and kind. He was considerate, passionate, compassionate, fun, and funny. God, he was so funny. You finally gave in after 6 months of friendship. He was a welcomed distraction from your heartache and maybe that’s why you ignored all the warning signs.

Sometime after 3 months of being together, between him meeting your parents, your brother (and his now family), and your friends, you noticed a shift in his attitude. He became more easily irritated, he lied about where he was going and who he was going with, and he became manipulative. Both Sam and your mother told you before it even got to that point that something was off, but you didn’t listen. You figured that after everything with Ransom, you’d spot any issues at the first sign.

You should’ve listened.

“No! I wanna know where the fuck you’re going!” you yelled at Ryan as he got dressed.

“I fucking told you, Y/N. I’m going-”

“Out is not a fucking place, Ryan!”

“So you’re gonna start questioning me because your last boyfriend fucked you over? Haven’t I always been good to you? Patient with you? After all the waiting I did to show you how much I want you and this is how you tell me you love me?” he scoffed, putting his jacket on.

You’d told him about your previous boyfriend (purposely leaving out his name), and you’d regretted it ever since because he used it against you every chance he could. “I’m not going to keep doing this with you, I swear to God. If you can’t be up front with me, I’m fucking done. You’re not going to make me feel like I’m being unreasonable when you’re the one whose changed!”

“Y/N, if you really wanna end this because you’re paranoid, there’s nothing I can do or say to stop you. I’ve-”

“You act like I haven’t seen the napkins with phone numbers on them and the fucking lipstick on your shirts!”

“I always come home you, Y/N. If I was out having all this sex with other women, I’d be pretty exhausted and just stay there, don’t ya think? I swear to Christ-”

“Even if you’re not sleeping with them, you’re fucking entertaining them!”

“I can’t stop women from being attracted to me just like you can’t stop the guys at the office from hitting on you.”

“Funny how I never let the guys at work get as close as you let these women get to you.”

“Do whatever you want, Y/N. I’m done arguing about this. I’ll be home tonight and I hope you’ll be here when I get back,” he shrugged before walking out of the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

That night, like so many other nights, you cried to yourself about not being able to just leave. You wanted to call Ransom and beg him to come and get you. You wanted him to hold you and take you away.

Back to the Hamptons.

However, you weren’t about to be the girlfriend who kept taking back her cheating boyfriend all because she loved him. You refused to be your mother. So you stayed, and just slept in the other bedroom. It took a few days of that, with you only going back to the master bedroom after he came in apologizing and promising to be better at keeping his distance from other women. You knew it was all horseshit but what else could you do?

Yeah, leaving was always an option, but leave him and do what? You’d left Ransom to try and find someone better and ended up with Ryan. You felt like if you left Ryan, you would just find a shittier version of just him and Ransom. Knowing your luck, he’d probably be a fucking serial killer. So, you stuck around and waited for him to end it, because you figured it would happen sooner or later.

Only it never did.

Ryan swore he loved you and wanted nothing more than to spend forever with you, and you just chalked it up to him telling you what he thought you wanted to hear....until he proposed to you one night after a nice night out to dinner. You wanted to say no and you meant to say no, but ‘yes’ came out instead. It didn’t help that everyone you were close to didn’t seem all that excited about it. Yes, they told you congrats and that they couldn’t wait to see you walk down the aisle, but it was very obvious that they were only saying it to be polite. You should’ve pumped the breaks then, but once again you didn’t because you were just waiting for everything to work itself out.

Months went by and Ryan was still doing the same bullshit, all while still telling you how he couldn’t wait to marry you. He was still staying out, entertaining the attention of women in the office, and telling you half truths.

One night you got so fed up that you almost did call it off. Almost.

You lit a cigarette at the kitchen table as you turned your attention to the stove clock. 1am and he still wasn’t home or responding to your texts or calls. You looked down at the diamond engagement ring on your finger and scowled. The damn thing wasn’t even your style.

“Oh hey, y-you’re up,” Ryan smiled awkwardly, but his smile was soon replaced by a scowl when he saw the cigarette in your hand. “Y/N, it’s late and I don’t-”

“Where were you?” you interrupted before taking a drag from your cigarette. You weren’t in the mood to entertain his little mind games.

“I went out with Tyler and James. You already knew that-”

“No, I knew you were going to dinner with them. It’s 1 in the fucking morning. How long does it take you to eat dinner?”

“We decided to hangout afterwards, what’s the big fucking deal?”

“Okay, if you’re not gonna be honest with me-”

“I’m being fucking honest!” he snapped as if you were in the wrong. “Why the fuck are you even marrying me if you don’t believe me?!”

“That’s a really good fucking question,” you scoffed before taking another drag of your cigarette then exhaling. “Why did you propose if you’re desperate for the attention of other women?”

“Baby-”

“In fact, why don’t you just call this whole thing off? Why don’t we just-”

“Don’t say that, baby” he cooed softly, making his way over to you. “I don’t want anyone else’s attention but yours. I just want you. I only love you,” he stated almost desperately.

It’s not like you really believed anything he was saying, and you were still so angry with yourself. Was it really all that bad to admit that you’d been in two failed relationships back to back? Were you that afraid that you’d go running back to Ransom so quickly? You were so much better and stronger than that, but you stayed anyway.

The pain quickly unraveled into something less dangerous, more like an irritation: maybe that’s what made it so easy. That pain never stopped with Ransom, it was as constant and debilitating as a migraine. You never deleted the pictures at the Hamptons, or his number, and you never stopped missing or loving him. Whereas with Ryan, you kind of just accepted the situation for what it was. Besides, it’s not like you were getting any younger.

Your mother offered to throw a celebration for the both of you at the mansion (which your father gave her in the divorce), and Ryan was all too eager to say yes.

“This is where you grew up?” Ryan wondered aloud in pure disbelief as he pulled into the elegant driveway filled with fine masonry. .

“It’s just a house, babe. Relax,” you sighed, unbuckling your seat belt.

“Hey, what’s going on? We’ve been doing really good lately and this was really nice of your mom to do. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you lied with a faux smile. “A lot has happened here and it’s been a long time since I’ve been home.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, don’t worry,” he smiled before getting out of the car and grabbing the bags.

You took a deep breath and looked over the place you once called home. The memory you had of that place was of you driving away, tears streaming down your face as you attempted to rid yourself of Ransom once and for all. You convinced yourself you were doing the right thing. In fact, you were still trying to convince yourself that you had done the right thing. In that moment, you found yourself comparing Ryan to Ransom. The Christmas that you’d gone to check on your mother after everything had happened at your father’s Christmas party, Ransom sensed your hesitation and offered to take you back to his place. He’d given a fuck about you and your happiness

‘He also cheated on you twice, Y/N. Snap out of it,’ you scolded yourself mentally.

You took a deep breath before getting yourself out of the car. You probably weren’t even going to see Ransom, so why the hell were you so scared? Even if you did, it wouldn’t matter because you were sure he’d moved on by then and you very clearly had, too. You were getting married after all.

‘Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, dumbass,’ you scoffed mentally.

“You’re here!” your mother squealed, opening the door before you even had a chance to even knock on the door.

“Hi Ma,” you smiled, wrapping her in a hug.

“What took you two so long? It’s only a 40 minute drive!”

“Someone was dragging her feet,” Ryan teased, nudging you softly.

“I bet she was,” your mother scowled before stepping aside to let you both in.

“Your home is lovely,” Ryan complimented, looking around at the high ceilings and all of the pictures and paintings that adorned the walls.

“You’re too kind! I’m still so jealous of your parent’s summer home! It’s gorgeous!”

“It’s nothing compared to this,” he laughed softly “but thank you. They should be here later in the evening.”

“That’s perfect! Everyone should be here by then!”

“Everyone? Ma, who did you invite? I told you I don’t want a big to-do-”

“Your brother, some of your friends, Harlan, a few family members-”

“Ma!”

“Stop! It’ll be fun!” she scolded. “Now, take Ryan up to your bedroom so you two can get settled.”

“Fine,” you mumbled heading towards the stairs.

“Sunshine!” your father called, right before your foot hit the first step.

“Hey dad,” you smiled softly, turning to face him.

You and your father’s relationship was on a steady road to recovery, and while it had a long way to go, you two had made steady progress since your parents divorce.

“It’s good to see you! How was the drive?” he asked, engulfing you in a hug.

“Good...long.”

“It’s been so long since you’ve been here. I’m happy you’re home, even if it is only for a few days. I’ll let you two get settled, but maybe can do breakfast tomorrow? I know tonight is gonna be crazy.”

“I’d like that,” you smiled, nodding in agreement before facing the stairs again and starting the trip up them.

The minute you and Ryan got into your room, the questions started. “Why are you so miserable about being here? Things are very clearly fine between your parents and they’re both extremely excited about all of this. What’s going on?”

“I’d really rather just not talk about it right now. There’s just a lot of weight that comes with being here. It wasn’t always this happy and welcoming. I just need some time to-”

“Babe, that may have been the case then, but that’s not case now,” he interrupted, very obviously annoyed with you. “They’re doing something insanely kind for us, so the least you could do is fix your attitude. I’m going downstairs and I suggest you get it together soon and join me down there,” he finished, dropping the bags before practically stomping out of your room.

You sighed and pulled out packet of cigarettes, quickly pulling out and lighting one up before opening the glass door and sitting in the doorway of the terrace. Why couldn’t you get it together?

“You know, Ransom cried in this room for hours when you left him,” your mother said softly, standing in the doorway of your room.

“Not right now, Ma. Please.”

“He cried for hours and slept on the bed, hoping you’d come back.”

“Why do you keep pushing Ransom on me?! He cheated on me and broke my heart! Leaving the way I did was the only way I’d really free myself of him!”

“It was cruel, babygirl.”

“Jesus, just let it go! It’s over!”

“I know why you left and I’m proud of you, because you’re smarter and stronger than I ever was. You didn’t want to become me and marry someone like your father. Ransom was young and stupid though. He had his own demons and he didn’t know how to deal with them. You and him weren’t the same as your father and I. However, you and Ryan?” she scoffed. “Stay with him and you’ll end up just like your father and I. I keep telling you that boy is awful.”

“I really can’t hear this right now. I just can’t,” you sobbed softly, taking another drag from your cigarette.

“Listen, I’m your mother and I love you. I truly just want what’s best for you. If you truly believe that Ryan is what’s best for you and that you’re over Ransom, then so be it. You know yourself better than anyone else, but I would advise you to really think all of this through. You saw everything I went through...do better than I did,” she stated earnestly before exiting the room, closing the door gently behind her.

You stayed out on the terrace and cried for what felt like forever before finally deciding that you’ve had enough. You needed to get ready for the party your parents had thrown together. You’d wanted to wear your sheer black dress, but you knew it would get under your mother’s skin and she would make a thing of it. Since she was the one putting everything together, the least you could do was look like you wanted to be there.

It hadn’t dawned on you that you were wearing an outfit that Ransom once told you he thought you looked beautiful in. You spent so much time getting ready; changing was just going to be an added inconvenience and take more time. You turned on your straightener, impatiently waiting for it to warm, and forced yourself to look at your reflection in the mirror.

You were truly angry and irritated with the person looking back at you. You didn’t want any of this, so why were you letting it happen? When did you become someone who just accepted the things they hated instead of standing up for yourself? Wasn’t that the whole point of leaving Ransom? Forcing yourself out of a situation that was no good for you because of how miserable it made you?

‘No, you leaving Ransom is what turned you into this. One man broke your heart, so you chose to surrender to fear instead of fighting it, because you’re too afraid of being hurt again. Too afraid of really living life without him. Don’t start playing dumb now,’ you mentally chided yourself.

You sighed in frustration and slammed your fist down on the dresser of your vanity. You just wanted to go home and hide.

You wanted Ransom.

“I heard someone is being a difficult little bitch,” a familiar voice mused from your bedroom doorway.

“SAM!” you squealed, getting up and running over to her before engulfing her in a hug. “What the fuck took you so long?!”

“Work bullshit,” she laughed, squeezing you back just as tight. “What’s going on babygirl?”

“There’s no fucking time to talk about it because of this fucking party.”

“Well, looks like you’re about to do your hair and makeup, so I’ll do it for you while I listen to you tell me all about what’s been going on,” she smiled, leading you both back over to your vanity and sitting you down.

You spilled your heart out to Sam about everything that had been going on between you and Ryan, both before and after the proposal. You told her about your feelings for Ransom that refused to go away, even after so much time had passed, and what your mother said. You forced yourself not to cry the entire time.

You would’ve felt awful if you’d have ruined her amazing makeup job, on top of everything else.

“I mean...your mother does have a point,” she sighed, grabbing a piece of your hair, combing it out before clamping the straightener closed and slowly pulling it down.

“For fucks sake! Not you too!”

“Just hear me out, babe. Now, I haven’t done anything with Ransom since long before you two hooked up, but even then I knew that he was destined to always be an asshole. He could be a Hall of Fame asshole, babe, but I was just looking for a good time and so was he. However, things were different from the start with you two. Ransom never had the same girl twice, and if he did, he waited at least two months before sweet talking her up again. Wasn’t it only a week with you? Maybe two. No, I still don’t believe he deserves you, but I know he loves you. He had to lose you to realize-”

“Sam-”

“Hear me out,”she repeated. “Now, he had to lose you before he really understood something he never really wanted to: you’re truly the love of his life. Something about you made that made man want to try and eventually change.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you left, he got his shit together. He started a business, stopped bar hopping as much, seemed to clean up his act...I mean, he still treats people like shit, but he’s barely ever at clubs. I have it on good authority that when he is out, he’s not sneaking off to do shady shit.”

“And how do you know?”

“He and Shawn are friends now,” she shrugged as if it were no big deal.

“I’m sorry, back the fuck up. Shawn, your husband, is friends with Ransom?”

“They get along well enough and Shawn doesn’t care that much that Ransom and I hooked up. He just says that the past is the past and I’m with him now, so why should he care?”

“Why didn’t you-”

“Because you didn’t wanna know. You didn’t wanna hear anything about it and I knew you were trying to move on, so I just didn’t say anything. Just like I never said anything to him when he asked about you. I was doing what was best for you because I love you. Now, that being said, I think you need to leave the both of them alone and just find someone new.”

“Sam-”

“No Y/N, neither one of them are good enough for you. You just need to start fresh.”

“No, I don’t need to-”

“Has there ever been a time in your life when you’re not stubborn? When you’re not putting yourself through unnecessary pain?”

“Yeah, when I finally fucking left Ransom, which you and my mom say was a mistake.”

“I didn’t say it was a mistake, babe,” she sighed, placing your grandmother’s blue diamond encrusted butterfly pin into your hair. “I was so proud of you being strong enough to leave, but its been how many years now? And you’re still hung up on Ransom? He’s still hung up on you?”

“What does that even mean?”

“He hasn’t been serious about anyone since you, babe. He hasn’t been and doesn’t care to be-”

“Hey, is it okay for a gentleman to enter?” Ryan questioned, softly knocking before making his way in with a tepid smile on his lips.

“Depends, have you seen any fucking gentlemen?” Sam muttered quietly as she straightened the last bit of your hair.

“Stop it,” you giggled softly, nudging her before turning your attention to Ryan. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, everyone is just waiting to see the bride to be,” he beamed, shifting his weight from one foot to another.

‘Oh, he’s fucking wasted,’ you thought to yourself. “I’ll be down in a moment.”

“I was thinking we’d go down together,” he smiled hopefully.

“That sounds good to me,” Sam beamed, before turning her attention towards you and dipping down. “Think about what I said,” she whispered before kissing your cheek softly. “I’ll see you both downstairs!” she smiled before quickly exiting the room, softly closing the door behind her.

“Are you done with your little attitude?” Ryan questioned, irritation flickering in his eyes.

“Lets just get through the night, okay?” you huffed, getting up and smoothing out your dress, trying to ignore all of your anxiety and silent rage. ‘You’ve gotta get it together, Y/N,’ you told yourself.

“What the fuck is your deal? Y/N, I’m telling you that if you don’t-”

“And I’m warning you,” you countered harshly, grabbing your clutch, “this isn’t the night to piss me the fuck off. You be on your best behavior and I will be, too. Fuck with me, and I’ll embarrass the hell out of you,” you finished darkly. The sudden change in his demeanor let you know that turned him on. ‘Of course his toxic ass is turned on by that.’ “Lets go,” you muttered before he could act on what he wanted.

You both made your way down the grand staircase, faux smiles on your faces, and were met with cheers and applause. As people made their way over to you two, you did your best to hide all traces of irritation and longing.

Longing for him, as always.

As you made your way into the kitchen, trying to find a bottle of the good whiskey that your father always hid in there, you felt a chill run down your spine.

‘What the fuck is that all about? There’s no way...no. Nope. No. He wouldn’t do that,’ you think to yourself, quickly pouring a generous amount in your glass.

“Y/N! Darling, it’s so good to see you!” Harlan smiled, greeting you with a hug. “You look beautiful as ever.”

“Always the gentleman,” you laughed softly, returning his warm hug. You’d missed him so much.

“I’ve met Ryan, he seems like a nice boy,” Harlan beamed, but his eyes told you that he wasn’t falling for the ‘nice guy’ act. “Are you happy?”

“Yeah...yeah, I am,” you lied, trying to convince both him and yourself.

“Then that’s all that matters,” he nodded, giving you a knowing look. That man could always read you like a book. “I’ve gotta get back to your mother though, I promised her that I’d play a round of ‘Go’ with her.”

“Kick her ass,” you laughed.

“Oh, I plan on it,” he smirked, only causing you laugh harder, before he made his way out of the kitchen.

As the night went on (and you got more and more buzzed), you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was...off. You’d searched for him desperately, but there were no signs of him. Even if you had located him at the dumb little party, what the hell were you going to do? Nothing, because there was nothing you could do without making a scene, and you wouldn’t do that to your family.

“Why the hell have you been avoiding me all night?! This is our celebration party and you’ve barely been by my side!” Ryan whispered harshly. He roughly pulled you into what was once your father’s old study, but had been turned into your mother’s lounge area.

“Back off, Ryan,” you warned, yanking your arm free and taking a sip of your drink. “You aren’t the only person I know at this fucking get together. I have to make my-”

“Get together?! This is a party to celebrate our engagement! This is a party about us and you’re-”

“Who cares, Ryan? Honestly, who the fuck cares? We’ve been engaged 6 months. This is just a reason to drag my ass back to this place,” you scoffed.

“Are you gonna keep being a bitch the whole night or-”

“Is everything okay in here?” an all too familiar deep voice asked, stepping into the room.

‘Fuck, keep it together, Y/N. Keep it the fuck together,’ you repeat internally as you tried to keep calm. “Everything’s fine,” you smiled as sweetly as you could, before turning to meet Ransom’s heated gaze. His eyes were burning with anger. Had he been listening the whole time? “We were actually just-”

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” Ryan interrupted, plastic smile on his face, sauntering over and holding out his hand “I’m Ryan West. You are?”

Ransom looked at the outstretched hand before looking Ryan over. “Hugh,” he responded flatly as you did your best to stifle your chuckle, completely ignoring the outstretched hand, before returning his gaze to you. “Are you okay?” he asked again, his voice still sturdy and tough; his eyes were soft, showing genuine concern.

“I’m fine, Ransom. Thank you,” you smiled with a slight nod.

“Alright, your father’s looking for you.”

“Okay, we’ll make our way-”

“Just her,” Ransom snapped, anger returning to his eyes as he looked to Ryan.

“Where is he?” you asked, desperately trying to break the little confrontation that you were sure Ryan wasn’t even aware of.

“We’re out back, I’ll take you,” he responded, motioning with his hand for you to follow him, though his gaze was still burning holes into Ryan.

“Ransom,” you called softly, bringing him back to you.

“Yeah, lets go,” he muttered before leading the way to the back deck, leaving Ryan dumbfounded.

“Where’s my father?” you sighed, once you looked around the back deck and saw no one.

“I don’t know,” Ransom shrugged, placing a cigarette between his lips “probably making out with your mother, those two can’t keep their hands off of each other,” he smirked before lighting up.

“Jesus, Ransom!”

“Listen, it didn’t sound like things were going so great in there, so I thought I’d get you out,” he exhaled, finally looking at you.

“Thanks,” you muttered, grabbing his pack of cigarettes and grabbing your own.

“You used to only smoke when you were drunk.”

“Well, I have had a few drinks.”

“I’ve been out drinking with you, darlin’. I know for a fact that you’re not drunk.”

“Ransom-”

“You left me for him? You made a great improvement,” he chuckled before taking another drag of his cigarette.

“I didn’t leave you for him. I left you then met him. There’s a fucking difference,” you corrected harshly, finally looking him over.

He had a full beard, he’d grown out his hair, and his sweater was hugging his muscles in all the right ways. He looked older, but not old. He looked mature and a bit exhausted. Just being next to him had you thinking all the wrong things.

‘Do not do this, snap out of it!’ you chided yourself. “Why are you even here Ransom?”

“I had some business with your father,” he stated simply, looking you over and a small smirk played on his lips. “Nice dress.”

“Piss off,” you snapped. “Of course you have business with-”

“It’s not that kind of business. I don’t do any of that anymore.”

“What other business could you have?”

“He helps me manage my money, Y/N. That’s it. Whatever destructive things he does at this point have nothing to do with me.”

“Well, why would you come here of all nights? I’m more than positive-”

“I wasn’t supposed to be here this long,” he interrupted, taking another drag of his cigarette “but then...”

“But then what?”

“I saw you coming down that grand staircase,” he sighed and you could tell he wanted to end the conversation, but you weren’t ready to let him off the hook so easy.

“And?”

“All the feelings of anger and rage I had towards you just melted away. You looked gorgeous and grown up. You seemed different and yet the same. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because then I’d be able to force myself to leave you alone, but...”

“But what?”

“I know you, Y/N. For better or worse, I fucking know you and I could tell the instant I saw your eyes that you’re not happy. You haven’t been genuinely happy in a long time.”

“Ransom-”

“How could you just fucking leave? Like it was nothing? You left only to find him? Jesus, I know I’m a piece of shit, but for fucks sake-”

“Stop it, Ransom,” you warned, ashing your cigarette.

“Why? It’s just us right now. No need to lie, no need to pretend-”

“Because my mother is in the middle of throwing Ryan and I an engagement party! Because we had our shot and you fucked it up! You don’t get to be mad at me right now!”

“You didn’t have to-”

“Yes I did! You wouldn’t have let me leave and I didn’t want you to! It was best for the both of us!”

“Is that the only way you can sleep at night? Selling yourself on that bullshit?” Ransom scoffed, ashing his own cigarette.

“I can’t do this tonight, Ransom. I can’t and I won’t,” you sniffled, wiping away the few tears that dared to leave your eyes. “I’m going back inside-”

“For what?!”

“Because my fiance is in there, Ransom! Because in 2 months, I’ll be his wife and this...you can’t keep sucking me in!”

“You’re not even happy with him, but you’re gonna marry him?!”

“Goodnight, Ransom,” you sighed before turning and making your way back inside.

“You know it isn’t gonna work with him,” he whispered hotly, following closely behind you.

“Stop it!” you harshly responded, rounding the corner and searching for Sam.

“It’s not gonna work because you don’t love him, not like you love me!”

“I don’t love you!”

“Bullshit! I may be a piece of shit, but at least I’m honest!”

“That’s enough!” you snapped, whipping around so fast you almost slapped him across the face with your hair. “We’re not doing this! You need to move on, because I clearly have!” Ransom’s demeanor quickly changed and a smug, shit eating grin came to his face. “What?!”

“You’ve moved on?”

“Obviously!”

“So, you don’t love or miss me at all?” he questioned, cocking an eyebrow as he slowly started to make his way over to you.

“N-no,” you stuttered, backing away from him.

“So, if I touched right now...?”

“It wouldn’t mean a thing,” you lied confidently, as your back hit the wall. All you wanted was for him to touch you.

“So being this close does nothing for you?” he whispered hotly into your ear. “Cause I gotta tell ya, Princess, being this close and not doing anything is driving me insane.”

“Ransom,” you breathlessly moaned, though, it was supposed to be a warning call.

“Missed hearing all the sounds you make for me when I’m deep inside of you, Princess,” he husked as his hand gently caressed the side of your face.

“Fuck...stop it, Ransom,” you weakly protested, your breathing starting to become heavy.

“I miss you, baby.”

“Ransom...please,” you begged softly, not really sure if you were telling him to stop or to keep going.

“Lets just go. Get the fuck out of here and-”

“Everything okay here?” your dad questioned, causing both and Ransom to to jump.

“Everything is fine,” you quickly responded, clearing your throat, smoothing out your dress.

“Y/N-”

“There you three are! I went out back but couldn’t find anyone,” Ryan smiled making his way over to you. You didn’t miss the quiet scowl that left Ransom’s lips. “Everything okay?”

“Everything is apparently fine,” your father responded, cutting his eyes at both you and Ransom.

“I think it’s starting to wind down, so I figured you’d wanna start saying goodbye,” Ryan smiled, but his eyes held so much confusion.

“I’ll get back out there then,” you smiled , quickly getting yourself away from Ransom and making your way to the living area.

You only got out a few goodbyes before Ransom decided to...well, be Ransom.

“Hey, everyone!” he called from the middle of the grand staircase, big smile on his face. You already knew this wasn’t going to be good. “I feel so terrible because I didn’t bring a gift and I didn’t even know about the engagement! So, tomorrow, I’ll be closing my restaurant on Boston Post Rd early so we can do an engagement dinner for the lovely couple! It’ll start at 7!” he beamed with a faux smile.

“That’s so kind of you!” you beamed, smile just as fake as his, “but I just wouldn’t feel right-”

“We’d love that so much! Thank you, Hugh!” Ryan enthusiastically cheered, as you face palmed yourself.

In that moment, you truly could’ve strangled Ryan. You did your best to mask your utter rage and made eye contact with Sam.

‘He owns a fucking restaurant?!’ you mouthed to her.

‘Three’ she mouthed with a nod.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you tomorrow,” Harlan smiled brightly, wrapping you in a tight hug.

“I guess so,” you laughed incredulously, hugging him back just as tightly.

“Are you okay?” he whispered sincerely.

“Who the hell knows?” you responded before pulling away. “Tomorrow at 7?”

“I’ll see you at 7,” he smiled weakly before letting go, making his way to your mother.

That night you let Ryan fuck you senseless. It wasn’t even that you enjoyed the feeling of his skin on yours; it was you needing relief from everything Ransom made you feel earlier. In the end, Ryan brought you off, but it wasn’t what you needed. Ryan was a good fuck, sure, but that’s all he’d ever be. You couldn’t ever get to the level of satisfaction that Ransom brought you, but that wasn’t his fault.

Every time you and Ryan fucked, you found yourself comparing him to Ransom. Not necessarily on purpose, but you couldn’t help it. Size difference aside, the skill wasn’t there. Nor the passion, and that was the main thing. You wanted so badly to make love to him, but it just wasn’t there. Every time you two were together it felt like a college hookup. Just something for fun and to take your mind off whatever was stressing you out.

It was all consuming with Ransom. You didn’t just want the sex, you needed him. Every part of him. Every part of making love to him felt intimate and soul stirring. Every time he filled you with his love, you felt like you two were one. Every time he was deep inside of you, it made you forget that anyone else even existed. Ransom always took his time with you, worshiped every part of you, and made sure to tell you just how much he truly and deeply loved you- no matter how filthy and dirty the sex was. Then, when all was said and done, he’d just hold you and press soft kisses into your hair. He’d ask you about your day or just stroke your back until you fell asleep.

Being intimate with Ransom always felt like you were finally coming home. Whereas with Ryan, he was ready to leave as soon as it was over. There was no care, no cuddling, no sweet talking...he’d just get up and tell you he had work to do or that he was gonna go and, “see the guys”.

By sunrise the next day, you were more than ready to go to breakfast with your father and get far away from Ryan.

“Sweetheart,” your father started as the waiter placed your two coffees down. “Are you happy?”

“That’s a complicated question,” you sighed, taking a sip of your coffee and leaning back into your seat.

“It’s really not.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to be honest with me.”

“No, you really don’t,” you scoffed, taking out your pack of cigarettes.

“Sunshine, we’ve been through enough bullshit that I think we can both handle anything at this point.”

“What’s going with you and mom?” you asked, pulling out a cigarette and placing it between your lips, waiting for the light Spring breeze to pass before lighting up.

“We’re...trying to see if there’s any way for us to get back to where we were. She understandably has her reservations. So we’re just going at a pace that works for her.”

“Men really make no sense,” you chuckled, taking a drag from your cigarette, then exhaling. “You all will have everything you want, then throw it away. Simply because you can.”

“That’s not what happened with your mother, Y/N. I did love her and I saw how much I was hurting her, but...”

“But?”

“Remember when you were younger and you couldn’t resist doing dangerous, dumb shit? Like climbing to the very top of trees or jumping off the roof of the shed into the pool?”

“Yeah?” you laughed softly, remembering how much your mother would scream at you whenever she caught you in the act.

“Remember how much we told you to stop? How much your mother would cry when you’d hurt yourself, and how much I would I worry?”

“Yeah.”

“You still did it though, because you got a thrill out of it. It was a high for you and you loved it, no matter how much it hurt us. That’s what it was for me. I met your mother when I was a kid and had nothing. We struggled and then I started to do better. When that happened, the only thing I wanted to do was something good for your mother, because she’d stood by me through everything. Then the attention started coming in, and that’s something I’d never had before, and I liked it. It wasn’t bad at first, but somehow it started to spiral. After you were born, I told myself that I’d stop because I didn’t want you to hate me like your brother did. I was fine with it at first, because I was truly happy to have all of you. John and I were getting along, your mother was actually happy to have me around, and you thought the world of me.”

“So what happened?”

“I missed it. The attention, the partying, the drugs...I missed the thrill of it. I wasn’t proud of it and I could see that I was hurting your mother, but it was fun and I was a selfish fuck. It took my daughter representing my now ex-wife for me to realize how much I truly fucked up. You and John hating me...it’s what I deserve-”

“We don’t hate you, dad,” you sighed, taking one final drag of your cigarette before putting it out.

“I know...you know what I mean. Anyway, that’s a very long winded answer to your question,” he smiled softly.

“Thank you for being honest with me,” you smiled with a slight nod before taking a sip of your coffee.

“Now, what’s going on with you and Ransom?”

“Nothing,” you sighed, running your hand through your hair.

“I thought we weren’t bullshitting each other, sweetie.”

“I’m telling you the truth,” you scoffed. “It’s been over between us for years.”

“Didn’t look like it was over last night.”

“That was just Ransom being Ransom.”

“I don’t know what you did to him, but he changed after you left.”

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” you scowled, as the waiter made his way back over to take your orders. You felt your father’s gaze on you and you knew what was coming next.

“Sunshine, do you love him?” he asked as soon as the waiter was out of ear shot.

You contemplated having another cigarette before answering, but opted for playing with your lighter instead. “I always love him. Like a fucking fool.”

“And Ryan?”

“What about him? I’m marrying him aren’t I?”

“Do you love him?”

“I don’t know...yes? Sometimes? “

“So, you know you love Ransom, but you’re basically in like with Ryan?”

“Dad please, it’s...I can’t be with Ransom, okay? Too much has happened there...I don’t want to end up like you and mom,” you huffed as your food arrived.

“You aren’t happy, Sunshine. You smoke like a chimney, drink like a fish, cry when you think no one is looking, and you’re more angry than not. You weren’t always like this. At least not when you were sneaking around with Ransom.”

“Too bad Ransom cheated on me. Twice.”

“He was a child-”

“Don’t okay? Just fucking don’t. He wasn’t a child-”

“Y/N, not everyone is you. There’s no excuse for what he did and I’m still angry at him for what he did, but I get it. If you’re still this in love with him and not sure about Ryan-”

“This is for the best. What’s wrong between Ryan and I is on me,” you lied, stabbing at your eggs with your fork like they stole something precious from you. “I need to let go and move on completely. Getting married will help me do that.”

“You know you the best,” your father scoffed as he poured syrup onto his waffles. “If you truly believe that this is what’s best, then I’ll be more than happy to walk you down the aisle, alongside your mother, and give you away, but you need to be sure this is what you truly want. Trust me, I would know,” he warned.

The rest of breakfast went off without a hiccup and was mainly spent talking about the arrangements for your wedding. Your parents were footing the bill, despite you begging them not to, and your father was insisting on you having the wedding closer to home. You told him that it made no sense to change venues so close to the wedding date, but he promised that he could make anything happen. After he pushed, for the 5th time, you promised him that you would discuss it with Ryan.

Too bad that turned out to be a pain in the ass.

“I don’t know, maybe we should ask Hugh how he feels about it tonight,” he humorlessly laughed as he buttoned his pants.

“You’re the one who accepted his invite.”

“Because he needs to be put in his fucking place!”

“Sure babe, sure,” you laughed as you tied your hair up in a bright red ribbon.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“You aren’t gonna be the one to put Drysdale in his place. I’m not even being a bitch, it’s just a fact.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Ransom loves conflict, he thrives off drama, and he lives to piss off and offend others. He fucks with whomever and whatever he wants, and he’ll make sure to humiliate whomever gets in his way. That’s his territory, so just stand down.”

“Oh? Did he fuck you?”

“My father would have killed him,” you lied with a chuckle. No need to add more drama to an already stressful day.

“So there’s nothing for me to worry about?”

“Not as far as I know,” you shrugged, giving a fake smile.

The drive to the restaurant was filled with wedding talk, work talk, and petty arguments about Ransom.

“Then lets just fucking go back to my parent’s place!” you snapped as he pulled into the parking lot.

“And let him win? No!”

“Let him win what? What are you even talking about?”

“This is clearly some ego thing with him! The restaurant is called ‘Sunshine’! Isn’t that what your father calls you?!”

“Exactly. It’s what my father calls me. I don’t know why Ransom named his restaurant that, probably because it sounds like the name of a porn star,” you shrugged, grabbing your purse and looking yourself over in the mirror.

“Whatever, I’m gonna put this asshole in his place tonight.”

“Whatever you say, babe.. Whatever you say.”

As you made your way inside, you can’t help but marvel at the masterpiece in front of you. Ransom really created a beautiful castle subtly filled with all of the things you loved. The warm colored walls, the pictures of friends and family (though you could tell that some of them were photo shopped), even the cutlery plates were your favorite style. You were torn between feeling overwhelmed with love and happiness at the gesture and feeling angry and resentful about it.

The center pieces on each table were beautiful; translucent frosted rose vases, filled with peonies. The fact that he still remembered- after all of the time and drama that passed- had you fighting back tears.

‘He had his chance and he fucked up! Why is he always fucking with my head?!’ you thought to yourself as the hostess seated you and Ryan at the head table, along with both of your families.

Ryan’s mother greeted you with a faux smile on her lips and a scowl in her eyes, as per usual, while his father looked happier to see you than usual.

“So Y/N, you’ve lived quite a life out here!” Mrs. West beamed as the waiter filled her wine glass with Merlot.

“I guess so,” you shrugged uncomfortably. You hated talking about money and hated people knowing that your parents have a ton of it. It made you feel like you fell into that role of ‘poor little rich girl’ cliche, which is the last thing you wanted.

You didn’t need or want anyone’s judgment or pity. As if on cue, Ransom showed up.

‘Always saving me. Always breaking me,’ you told yourself mentally.

“How is everyone?” he asked looking around the table, but his gaze settled on you, and you knew he could tell how uncomfortable you were.

“We’re all wonderful,” Ryan’s mother smirked, drinking him in. You couldn’t help but shake your head and chuckle.

“I’m glad to hear that,” he smiled down at her with his boyish grin that always made women feral over him. You knew he was having fun at Ryan’s expense, and the part of you that was still petty was enjoying every bit of it.

“Hugh, if you could just get the bill now I can settle-”

“It’s a gift,” Ransom smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Besides, I can afford it. No big deal,” he shrugged before turning his attention back to the table. “Just wanted to let everyone know that changes were made for tonight’s menu in honor of the bride and groom to be. If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my office,” he smiled at you before turning to leave.

“Why don’t you join us?” your mother chimed in, causing you to choke on your wine.

“Yeah, since you put all of this together, it’s only right that you join us. Besides, this is for friends and family,” Ryan smirked.

Ransom looked to you before he spoke and saw how uncomfortable you were, and whatever smart ass comment was about to leave his mouth stopped. “I’d love to, but unfortunately, I have a lot of work to get to.”

“Sounds like it would do you some good to have me pay the bill,” Ryan chuckled, taking a sip of his scotch.

In Ransom’s defense, he really had to tried to be decent, but they’re some things you just can’t change.

“Besides this one, I have two other restaurants that I own and manage, all three have just been voted in the top 5 best places to eat in Massachusetts. In fact, in order to put this dinner together for you two lovebirds last minute, I had to shut down a photo shoot that’s been planned for weeks and now have get it done before the end of next week so it makes the deadline for all the travel magazines and blogs. Just minor stuff, you know. So no, I don’t need you to pay for anything. What I need is for you to be more grateful and a little more fucking polite, while you sit here and drink my best scotch for free,” Ransom growled.

You just wanted the ground to swallow you whole as both you and Sam made eye contact, looking at each other with pure panic and dread.

“Auntie Y/N!” your niece, Sydney, called as she ran over to you.

“Oh thank God,” you mumbled before getting up and meeting her halfway. “Lovebug! How are you?!” you exclaimed, picking her up and showering her with kisses.

“I’m better today! Sorry we didn’t come to your party last night,” she sighed mournfully.

“That’s okay, peanut, you’re all here now,” you smiled at the sad 4 year old, who then instantly brightened up. “You wanna know a secret?” you whispered.

“Mhm,” she nodded furiously.

“You’re my favorite person here,” you smirked as she giggled, “but shhh!”

All she did was nod and hold a finger over her lips. Your niece truly was your most favorite person in the world.

“Hey sis,” your brother John smiled, engulfing you in a hug. “What the fuck is going on over there?” he whispered in your ear, and you knew he was referring to an angry Ransom and Ryan.

“Later. Much later,” you muttered before greeting Ashley, who couldn’t wait to hug you. “You all take a seat and order what you want, it’s very much on the house,” you mumbled to her with a soft smile.

“Why do I have a feeling that this being paid for by Ransom is part of the problem?”

“Because you’re not just pretty, you’re really smart too,” you smiled and Ashley couldn’t help but laugh.

You helped them all get get seated as close to the front of the table as possible, before Ransom stalked off to his office. You jumped a little in your seat when he slammed the door shut. You felt the eyes of Sam and your family on you, but you just kept your attention on the menu in front of you, which happened to be filled with all of your favorite meals and deserts.

‘Always the charmer,’ you thought to yourself while a small smile played on your lips.

“We’re talking about this later,” Ryan whispered to you, as the waiters came around to take everyone’s orders.

“No, we’re not,” you snapped back in a hushed tone.

“Something went on between you two-”

“Ryan, you were a complete dick to him. That whole exchange could’ve been avoided if you’d stop believing that the world owes you something. Your obsession with status and money is truly remarkable,” you huffed.

“Y/N, you’re one to talk-”

“So Ryan, how have things been at the firm?” John interjected, once he noticed how fired up you were getting.

“Things are amazing! Your sister is kicking so much ass-”

“That’s a bad word!” Sydney sassed and gave her a small smile and a wink.

“You’re right, I’m very sorry,” Ryan smiled at her as she held her angry scowl at him. “You’re aunt is doing amazing at work.”

“Of course she is, she’s the best,” Sydney nodded matter-of-factly.

“That’s amazing, sunshine,” your father beamed at you.

“Yeah, she may even make partner before the wedding,” Ryan grumbled as you rolled your eyes. He hated that you made more money than him.

“Really?! Sis, that’s awesome!”

“It’s really not a big deal. I’ve been told I love to argue, so it finally turned into something that puts food on the table,” you smirked, remembering when Ransom poked fun at you.

“Yeah, but with partner, you’ll making-”

“Can we table the money talk for a while? It really doesn’t matter,” you chuckled uncomfortably.

“Of course it doesn’t matter, you have it,” Ryan muttered.

“And so do you, so drop it,” you snapped, your irritation reaching its boiling point.

“Have you two talked about changing venues at all?” your mother questioned, wanting to change the souring mood as quickly as possible.

“We still haven’t decided,” Ryan smiled towards her.

“The wedding is 2 months out! The quicker you decide, the quicker we can make the arrangements!”

“I just don’t see why we need to change the venue,” you huffed as your plate of lamb and potatoes were placed in front of you.

You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Ransom had placed your order for you.

“You’re already so far, sweetie. We just want one thing that’s closer to home,” your mother smiled sympathetically.

That made you feel a little bad.

“What venue are you two so dead set upon?” you asked her with a small smile.

“The 228 In Sterling!”

“That place is gorgeous.”

“It’s simple enough and I know you love simplicity! It’s a farm and-”

“A farm?” Ryan’s mother interjected. “I thought that we all agreed that a simple venue was the way to go.”

“If my daughter isn’t comfortable, I don’t want her-”

“I want everyone to be happy and comfortable,” Mrs. West quickly interjected. “I just want it to be in a civilized manner.”

“There’s nothing uncivilized about a barn wedding. Especially when you’re spending-”

“I need to take this call,” you smiled, happy that a spam call finally came in handy. “It’s the office, so it may take some time.”

“Of course,” Ryan scowled, “we’ll be here waiting for you.”

“I’ll be as quick as I can,” you smiled before you rushed off with your little purse. You pressed ignore on your phone then pressed it to your ear, “Erin! How is everything going with the Wilkes case?” you asked loudly.

You went to duck into the coat check room, but the coat check girl was still there.

“Hey, can you leave for like...30 minutes?” you asked as kindly as you could, pulling out your pack of cigarettes and taking one.

“Um...I really can’t. I know this party is for you, but Mr. Drysdale-”

“If he gives you a hard time, just tell him it was all my fault.”

“Miss Y/L/N, I-”

“Listen...?”

“Diana.”

“Diana,” you smiled, lighting a cigarette, “I’m having a really fucked day and none of it is your fault, but I really just need a few minutes to escape. If you’re really that afraid of Ransom, send him in here and I’ll talk to him.”

“You can’t smoke in-”

“Diana, really fucking terrible day,” you smiled, but your aggravation was starting to show.

“Let me just go and get Mr. Drysdale,” she smiled frantically before she practically ran out.

You took maybe two drags from your cigarette before Ransom burst in and slammed the door shut behind him. “What the fuck, princess?”

“You have your employees that afraid of you?”

“Only when I’m stressed the fuck out. What the hell is going on?”

“Why are you stressed?”

“Y/N, what’s the problem?”

“I’m just done for the day. It’s been argument after argument and I just can’t fucking do it anymore. I’m done.”

“How the fuck is what happened between that little prick and me my fault? He started it!”

“When did I say it was your fault? I’m well aware that Ryan is an asshole, I know that little outburst was his fault.”

“Oh,” he states softly. “Then why are you with him?”

“Ransom, I’m tired and I don’t feel like doing this right now,” you sighed before taking another drag from your cigarette.

“There’s no smoking in here.”

“Oh seriously? Fuck off!”

“Go smoke outside.”

“Ransom, if I walk outside that door, I’ll just fucking run away. I’ll run until my feet bleed and my legs give out,” you muttered, running a frustrated hand through your hair.

“Then explain it to me. Explain all of this to me, because I just don’t fucking get it. This isn’t you.”

“As if you know me.”

“I’ve known you since the first time I laid eyes on you.”

“Ransom, just stop. Fucking stop. Why are you even doing this?”

“I wanted to see what I was missing. What the fucking appeal of him is, if he ever treats you right...if you actually love him.”

“Stop it.”

“You don’t. He’s just a good time for you.”

“Go away,” you snap, fighting back tears.

“Then stop fucking smoking in my coat check area.”

“Why are you being such a dick?!”

“Because you’re being a bitch.”

“Fuck you,” you scoffed and threw your cigarette down, stomping it. “Just send me the bill for this little shit show and I’ll cover it.”

“I don’t fucking need you to cover it,” he snapped.

“Yeah whatever, fuck you,” you muttered as you bent over to pick up the bludgeoned cigarette.

You should’ve read the room. You should’ve seen the signs and noticed his mood, but you didn’t. The minute you bent over, Ransom’s hand was sliding under the bottom of your dress. You couldn’t stop the moan that left your mouth and you honestly didn’t want to. You wanted him.

You needed him.

“You had to fucking look like this tonight?” he growled as he hooked two fingers onto your panties and slowly started pulling them down.

“Ransom...don’t,” you warned with a quiet whimper.

“You come back here, looking fucking gorgeous as ever, and you’re telling me not to fucking touch you?”

“Ransom-”

“He’s not who you fucking want, princess,” he husked as he stroked your soaked lips with two fingers. “He doesn’t make you feel good like I do, does he?”

“Please,” you groaned, losing your resolve.

“No, you’re gonna fucking tell me the truth,” he grunted before sliding his two fingers inside of you.

“Oh fuck!” you whimper as quietly as you can.

“Does he get you off like I do?”

“No,” you moaned, leaning against the desk top, gripping it tight.

“He doesn’t even make you feel good?”

“No!”

“Quiet princess, you don’t wanna get caught do you?” When you didn’t answer him, you could tell that he knew he had you. “Don’t get quiet on me on me now, baby.”

“Ransom please!” you begged quietly, your release building up.

“You need to be fucked like a little slut, don’t you?”

“Yes...yes please!”

“Been so long since someone has treated you the way you deserve to be treated, hasn’t it?”

“You have no fucking idea,” you confessed with a silent sob.

“That’s okay,” he quipped, removing his two fingers despite your protest, before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants: “I’m gonna make you feel so good.”

“Ransom...fuck!” you mewled, suddenly remembering how wrong all of it truly was as he thrust himself inside of you. “We can’t do this!”

“Why not? What’s the problem?” he grunted, fucking into you as if he’d been alone in the world for thousands of years. “We both want this-”

“Ransom...oh my fuck! I’m with someone else!”

“Someone who can’t even satisfy you,” he chuckled before pulling the red ribbon in your hair loose, letting your hair fall freely. “You don’t even love him, do you?”

“I do!”

“Not like you love me,” he retorted, picking up his pace.

You knew that lying to him when he had you in such a position was pointless. “Ransom-”

“No princess, I need you to tell me the truth. I need to fucking hear it,” he almost begged as he fucked faster, more intensely.

“Please don’t make me-”

“You don’t love him like you love me, do you?”

“No!” you confessed breathlessly as you came hard on his cock.

“That’s my girl, such a good girl for Daddy,” he moaned, as he pulled you upright, pushing his cock even deeper inside.

“Shit!” you squealed, covering your mouth almost instantly.

“Oh, I think you want him to catch us,” Ransom husked against the shell of your ear before nipping on it. “You want him to catch us so he can finally see the right way to fuck you. Is that it?” You couldn’t stop yourself from clenching around him. “God, I missed how fucking filthy you can be,” he chuckled as he started fondling your beasts over your dress. “Fuck, I’ve missed this perfect little cunt so much!”

“Ransom...I’m so close!” you whimpered, wrapping an arm around his neck, your back pressing against his chest.

“Do it, baby!” Ransom whispered hotly against your ear. “Fucking cum for me!”

“Oh God!” you sobbed quietly, your orgasm washing over you so hard your legs almost gave out.

Ransom let you get yourself together before his own movements started to become erratic. “Where do you want it, princess?”

In that moment, you truly appreciated Ransom, because he knew. He knew you just needed a release; besides getting you to admit that you did still love him, it had been filthy and a good way to get rid of stress. He also knew that for him to cum inside you would be entirely too intimate for you. He knew you couldn’t handle that.

Not on top of everything else.

“My mouth,” you moaned softly. “Please...m-my mouth.”

“Gonna need you to get on your knees pretty fucking quick, baby,” he groaned, pulling out of you.

You were on your knees almost instantly, looking up at him with your mouth open wide.

“Shit, you look so good on your knees for me,” he moaned as you got your mouth around him. You started to massage his cock with your tongue as you sucked on him, “You’re so good at this, baby. So fucking good at pleasing me,” he grunted, grabbing a fistful of your hair as he lulled his head back and started breathing heavy. Once you started massaging his balls, Ransom legs almost gave out. “Shit!” he breathlessly moaned, his release quickly filling your mouth.

You took your time cleaning him up as an act of kindness. You made sure you got every last drop out before releasing him, wiping the sides of your mouth, and getting up.

“How do you feel?” he asked as he tucked himself back into his pants.

“I need to get back,” you said breathlessly. “Where’s my ribbon?”

“It doesn’t matter, do you feel any better?”

“Ransom, I just cheated on my fucking fiancee. I feel like a piece of shit because I am a piece of shit.”

“Princess, I’m pretty sure he cheated on you a few times.”

“That actually doesn’t make me feel better. Give me my panties,” you demanded.

“I’m keeping these as a souvenir,” he chuckled with a devilish grin.

The fact that it turned you on made you feel a brand new type of rage...and desire. “Fuck you!”

“You just did.”

You slapped him hard before storming out of the coat check area. Before walking back into the dinning area you took a deep breath and smoothed your hands down over your dress. You cleared your throat before walking back in the dining room to your seat.

“Jesus, that took forever,” Ryan mumbled as he kissed your cheek. “Where’s your ribbon?” he asked when he noticed your hair down.

“Oh, I decided to take it out when I was outside and dropped it at some point,” you lied with a small smile.

“That sucks, my mother likes your hair better when it’s up. I do too,” he faintly smiled before returning his attention back to a conversation between your father and his.

You tried to focus on the food in front of you, but how could you? What had you just done? It barely took Ransom a full 24 hours to get between your legs and get you to confess how you really felt about him. You really were weak whenever you were around him.

Just one touch...

As you continued to drown yourself in self hate and true disbelief at how easily you cracked, you felt a pair of eyes on you. You looked over at the table next to yours; Sam’s eyes are glued to you, one eyebrow raised.

She knew. Of course she knew. She knew you better than you knew yourself.

A few moments later, you felt your phone buzz and you already knew who it was.

Other Half: Tell me you didn’t.

Y/N: Please don’t make me hate myself more than I already do.

Other Half: WHY?!

Y/N: Because I’m fucking pathetic, and should’ve stayed far the fuck away from here.

Other Half: Stop it, it’s not the end of the world. It’s a one and done thing, right?

Y/N: Absolutely. I’m staying far the fuck away from him for the rest of the time I’m here.

Other Half: Then just...leave it at that. It’s not like Ryan’s squeaky clean and this is the first time you’ve ever done anything out of line.

Y/N: It’s still not right.

Other Half: It’s just Ransom, babe. Just think of it as a form of release and move on.

Y/N: You know he’s much more than ‘just Ransom’ to me.

Other Half: That’s why I said to move on, love.

You put your phone down and took a giant sip of wine, letting the events of the day and Sam’s words roll around in your head. You were so lost in thought that you hadn’t noticed that Ransom had started going from table to table asking everyone about their meals.

“Everything was amazing,” Ryan’s mother beamed at him, causing you jump a little as you went for another sip of wine.

“Y/N, you’ve barely eaten. Big meal earlier?” Ransom smirked with a cocked eyebrow and you choked on your wine.

“It was great, I just don’t have much of an appetite right now,” you sputtered, shooting a glare Sam’s way as she tried to stifle her chuckle.

“Ya know, you should cater the wedding,” Ryan’s mother smiled at him. She really was smitten with him.

“We have a caterer, mother,” Ryan all but growled through gritted teeth. “Besides, with three restaurants to run, I’m sure he wouldn’t have time for our little wedding, especially on such short notice.”

“It’s all up to Y/N,” Ransom smiled at you sincerely. “She knows there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

“Thank you Ransom,” you smiled as sweetly as you while trying to silence all of the voices in your head telling you to run.

“I’ll let you all get back to it,” he smiled at the table before walking over to Sam’s.

You could feel Ryan’s glare on the side of your face, but you were just too tired to care. You didn’t even want to come back home, but he insisted. He was just going to have to deal with the consequences at this point.

As the night bore on, you got drunk. The list of reasons was long and growing: you were mad at and ashamed with yourself, you were angry with Ryan, you were angry with and missed Ransom, your parents and future in-laws wouldn’t shut the fuck up about wedding venues, and your shoes were too tight and hurt. By the time the night finally came to an end, both sides were happy to tell you that they’d agreed on a venue closer to your parents mansion; the reception could be held there.

Made sense, because when did anyone ever give a shit about what you wanted?

“I’m getting you two a car service,” Ransom said as he saw you stumbling past the coat check while Ryan started to look a little rough around the edges.

“No thanks, Hugh,” Ryan smiled sarcastically. “I’m fine to get my fiancee and myself home safe.”

“You had 6 glasses of scotch. You’re not driving either of you anywhere,” Ransom warned with a low growl.

“Guys, stop it,” you slurred, finally giving in and taking your shoes off.

“What is all this? Some big show for her? A final play to win her love? She’s with me, Hugh,” Ryan scoffed, pushing Ransom.

Oh, he was more drunk than anyone originally thought.

“Why are you picking a fight?!” you hissed at Ryan, quickly getting in between the both of them. “You’ve done nothing but be an asshole-”

“And you’re just eating it up!” he snapped at you. “You haven’t seen the way he’s been looking at you all night? The way he was looking at you last night?”

“Ryan, we’re both drunk. It’s been a long day and we both just need to sleep it off,” you sighed, too tired to keep going back and forth. You were also mortified that all of this was happening in front of your friends and family.

“You can sit here and pretend he’s not trying to get in your fucking pants if you want, but I’m tired of it!”

“Watch it,” Ransom warned.

“Everyone just needs to calm down,” John snapped, getting in between you and Ryan.

“She’s my fiancee, Hugh. She’ll never be yours and you need to accept that or we’re gonna have a real fucking problem on our hands,” Ryan growled.

Ransom just chuckled humorlessly and you knew he was doing all he could to not beat Ryan into a pulp. “The car will be here to pick you two up in 5 minutes. Enjoy the rest of your night,” he dryly quipped before he stormed off towards his office, slamming the door shut.

If looks could kill, Ryan would’ve been dead in an instant. Between your father, John, Sam, his parents, your mother, and you it was a wonder that he was still even standing.

The minute you two got into the car, Ryan went off. You just closed your eyes and clenched your fists. You couldn’t have another argument in front of a total stranger.

“Are you even listening to me?!” he snapped at you, slamming his hand down on the empty seat between you two.

All you did was open your eyes and glare at him in a way that made him cower slightly. He didn’t say a word for the rest of the drive.

When you two finally arrived at your parents mansion, all of the fun parts of your buzz wore off and all you were left with was rage. “Ma’am, are you gonna be okay with him?” the driver asked once Ryan was stumbling out the car and up the steps like a baby.

“I’ll be fine,” you huffed, your angry gaze following him.

“Mr. Drysdale will want me to-”

“Mr. Drysdale? Hugh Ransom Drysdale?”

“Yes ma’am, I’m his personal driver,” the man smiled weakly.

You let out an incredulous laugh, doing your best to contain the new wave of anger that washed over you. “Please let Mr. Drysdale know that I am perfectly fine and he needs to stay out of situations that don’t pertain to him. I know I sound like a bitch right now but my anger isn’t directed at you. I’m just sick of people today,” you huffed, feeling bad about the sharpness in your tone.

“Believe me, I understand,” he chuckled, “I’ll be sure to pass your message along to Mr. Drysdale,” he nodded before pulling off.

You quickly stormed up the steps and slammed the door shut behind you once you made your way inside. You could hear raised voices from your father’s old study and stormed ahead towards it.

“Where’s Sydney?” you asked Ashley as soon as you reached your destination.

“She’s sleeping, thank God,” she muttered, taking a sip of her whiskey.

“Good,” was all you said before storming to the center of the room, getting between your father and Ryan. “Are you fucking stupid?!” you screamed at Ryan. “I really wanna fuckin’ know! Are you fucking stupid?!”

“Y/N-”

“My four year old fucking niece was there, you idiot! Have you lost your mind?! To speak to me and Ransom like that in front of a fucking child?! It’s one thing if its a room full of adults, but a child?!”

“Sis-”

“Do I sound like I’m finished speaking?!” you snapped at John and he quickly went quiet. “If you ever speak to me or anyone else like that in front of her again, I swear to God that I will leave your ass on the spot! Am I fucking clear?!”

“Baby-”

“AM I CLEAR?!” you yelled at him with more force than you knew you had.

“Yes,” he responded softly, looking at his feet. “Can we just talk about this while we’re getting ready for bed?”

“You must be high as a fucking kite if you think you’re getting anywhere near me tonight. You’re sleeping in the fucking guest room, which is more than you deserve,” you bite before storming out of the room and up the steps.

The minute you get to your room, you close it as softly as you can so you don’t wake Sydney, before starting to pace as a weak attempt to calm your nerves.

“Hey psycho, I see you still need to get your anger in check,” John laughed softly as he made his way into your room.

“I could slap the shit out of him, I swear to God,” you grumbled through grit teeth.

“You need to calm down.”

“What the fuck do you think I’m trying to do, John?” you hissed at him.

“Yes, Ryan did everything wrong tonight, and dad had to hold me back from hitting him a few times, but Ransom was making advances towards you, sis. You had to notice that.”

“Who fucking cares, John? Honestly, who gives a shit? He doesn’t know my history with him and at the end of the fucking day, Ryan’s gaudy ass ring is on my finger! Who cares?!”

“You did disappear for a bit.”

“Ryan goes off for a bit more often than not. Now he knows how it fucking feels.”

“Come again?” John questioned, clenching his fists.

Too tired, angry, and drunk to lie, you just tell the truth. “He’s a fucking cheater, John! He cheats on me and then makes me think that I’m being paranoid and crazy when I know I’m not! He throws my past traumas in my face and tells me that it’s not fair that I project all that shit onto him! It’s not like he’s some fucking saint that I’m fucking over! This is the first and only time he has felt an ounce of what he always makes me feel!”

“I’m gonna fucking kill him,” your brother huffed, marching towards your door.

“No, because it’s been fucking resolved. We’ve been doing better, with the exception of tonight-”

“Y/N, this isn’t you. You don’t settle.”

“Clearly, I fucking do,” you mumbled as you made your way over to the drinking cart in your room. “I left Ransom and found Ryan. I’ll fucking leave Ryan and end up with someone worse.”

“You don’t know that.”

“John...please just don’t, okay? I’m gonna fucking deal with Ransom tomorrow and-”

“Like you dealt with him today?”

“Oh fuck off,” you scoffed, taking a sip of your whiskey.

“Everyone who knows the history between you and Ransom knows what you did.”

“Do you all want gold stars?”

“You can’t keep going back and forth, Y/N.”

“What the fuck does that even mean? I haven’t seen or spoken to Ransom in years. All of this has just been a lot and I needed the release. It means nothing.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

“Yes. I’m not the same person I was in college. Not entirely the same person. Yes, I do still love him, but too much has happened, John. Too much time has passed and we just aren’t in the same place we were in before. It’s over,” you sighed, wiping away the few tears that spilled out.

“I just want you to be happy, Y/N. If there’s anyone who deserves it, it’s you. Just make sure you’re making the right choice,” he sighed in defeat. “I’m going to bed though. I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m buzzed, my daughter cried for 2 hours because of that little display at Ransom’s restaurant, and my wife and sister are furious. I need to fucking sleep,” he laughed to himself.

“Sleep tight,” you smiled softly as he kissed your forehead.

“I love you.”

“I love you,” you stated softly before he left your room.

You showered repeatedly that night, trying scrub the day off of you. You knew it was useless because the memories weren’t going anywhere. You’d given yourself to Ransom, and no matter how much you tried to look at it as just a release, it was so much more than that. You’d told Ransom you loved him and that you loved him more than you loved Ryan. You told him that you didn’t love Ryan in the way that you loved him.

Why couldn’t you tell him no? Why did you always have to fall apart for him? Ransom had hurt you so deeply and it still hurt, so why couldn’t you just turn off your feelings? Why couldn’t you stop loving him?

Those questions and more wracked your brain as you tried to get some sleep, but you couldn’t sleep for more than an hour or so at a time. By the time the sun was up the next day, so were you; sitting up in your bed and smoking a cigarette. You looked out at your terrace, dreading what you were about to do next.

You at least had to try though.

You got out of bed before anyone was even awake and grabbed the keys to your father’s 2019 Aston Martin Rapide before rushing out, speeding to Ransom’s house.

“Open up!” you screamed, banging on his door, not caring whose peace you disturbed in the process. “I know you’re home! Open the fuck up!”

“Jesus Y/N,” Ransom answered groggily as he opened the door “what the-”

“What the hell do you want from me?!” you snapped, pushing your way past him and making your way into his house. You did your best to ignore the fact that he was shirtless and focused on your goal. “What the fuck was yesterday?!”

“I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to do,” he yawned with a shrug.

You couldn’t stop yourself from slapping him on the chest. “You didn’t need to throw that fucking dinner, you could’ve told me no, you didn’t need to get your personal driver to drive us back to my parents, and you didn’t need to bait Ryan!”

“He started-”

“No Ransom, you knew what the fuck you were doing! You knew that he would eventually react and lose his shit, but you fucking did it anyway! What do you want from me?!”

Ransom sighed and was thoughtful before he spoke. “You just fucking left, Y/N. No warning, no text, no call, no fucking letter...you just fucking left!”

“What was I supposed to do, Ransom?! I told you that I’m done with you and you bought us a fucking house in the Hamptons! You were never gonna just let me leave! You would’ve always tried to find a way to suck me back in until you got your shit together!”

“Princess, I know-”

“No, you really don’t fucking know,” you sobbed. “I loved you. I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I defended you! I defended us! Just for you to turn around and betray me twice! I would have loved you until my dying day and you just...” you trailed off as the tears started to flow freely. “I gave you my heart and soul blindly, twice, believing that you truly wanted me. Wanted us...you don’t get to do this to me, Ransom. You don’t get to rock my world again and turn everything on its head. You don’t think I wanted a future for us? You don’t think I thought about our wedding time and time again? I didn’t do this and it’s not fucking fair!” you cried, stomping your foot like a petulant child.

“Baby...I know and I’m so fucking sorry,” he sniffled as he made his way over to you slowly.

“No!” you snapped, backing away from him. “I was weak yesterday and fuck, I’ll probably always be weak to you, but I’m going to put up a fight against you when I can! Don’t touch me and don’t get close to me, Ransom!”

“If you could just-”

“No, this is done. Leave me alone, Ransom. Moving on from you has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and I refuse to let you push me back,” you sniffed as you cried.

“I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to do this to us-”

“But you fucking did, so let me go,” you breathed as you dried your eyes, before turning and storming out of his house and speeding off in your father’s car.

When you finally got back to your parent’s place, you stayed in your father’s car and cried for what felt like hours. Most of what you had yelled at Ransom for he deserved, but what happened the day before...that was on you. Even though you knew that, you couldn’t bring yourself to come to terms with it.

Not just yet.

“Where did you go?” Ryan asked softly as you made your way back inside.

“For a drive,” you responded bitterly as you hung your father’s keys back up on the key rack.

“Baby-”

“I’m not ready to talk about it, Ryan and I’m nowhere near ready to hear you out. I just want to go home,” you sighed, knowing that you’d never actually be home unless you were with Ransom. “So, just pack up your stuff so we can go. Your car is out front, so I’m assuming Ransom had someone drop it off.”

“Can we just-”

“Not right now, Ryan.”`

You both said bye to your parents and brother, with Ryan apologizing profusely to everyone, and started on your journey back home. The car ride was tense and filled with a painful silence. Each time Ryan tried to place his hand on your lap, you just moved it away from him. When you two finally got back to the apartment you two shared, you went straight to the master bedroom and slammed the door shut. You got under the covers and cried until you fell asleep. Crying seemed to be the only thing that brought you any kind of comfort.

When you woke up, there were a ton of missed calls and texts from Sam and your mother, but you just text them both telling them that you didn’t have the energy to talk about your feelings.

You got up and made your way to the kitchen, finding Ryan on the sofa, mindlessly flipping through channels.

“You’re up,” he smiled weakly.

“Please leave me alone,” you sighed, continuing your trek to the kitchen.

“Just here me out, babe. Please,” he begged desperately, trailing behind you.

“What?” you huffed, not even bothering to look at him as grabbed the bottle of Buffalo Trace’s 1993 O.F.C. Vintages your father had gifted the both of you as an engagement gift.

“Whatever did or didn’t happen between you and Hugh...I shouldn’t have acted the way I did this past weekend and I’m truly sorry. All of the times I’ve made you feel like shit...you didn’t deserve that. I guess I just got scared because for the first time, I felt an actual fear of losing you. I get it though, everyone just needs to have their fun sometimes and I truly get it. I understand and I’m not mad, I just really want us to get past this. You forgive me and I forgive you,” he smiled at you sincerely.

You stood there completely dumbfounded at what he’d just said. He basically admitted to cheating on you, while also telling you that its fine if you did cheat on him, because you got it out of your system. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. The best you could do was look at him, utterly confused, before storming off.

You got drunk off your ass that night.

For the next two weeks, you tried to just forget everything that had happened. Ryan’s heartfelt and well meaning confession, you cheating, both of yours and his parents basically taking over the wedding, and Ransom.

You always tried to forget about Ransom.

You were getting by, for the most part, until Ransom rocked your world yet again.

Shithead: I need to see you.

Y/N: Ransom, how the fuck did you get my number?!

Shithead: Oh, so you changed your number and kept mine?

Y/N: Ransom, leave me alone.

Shithead: We need to talk, Princess.

Y/N: We already talked.

Shithead: No, you came to my house at 6:30am and screamed at me. We didn’t actually talk.

Y/N: There’s nothing to left to say.

Shithead: So you get to say your peace and I have no say?

Y/N: Ransom, leave me alone.

Shithead: You at least owe me this.

Y/N: Fine. When and where?

Shithead: I want a week with you.

Y/N: You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think I’m spending a week with you.

Shithead: It’s gonna take longer than a day for us to work all this shit out, Sweetheart.

Y/N: Ransom, I’m not spending a week with you so fucking forget it.

Shithead: Ya know, Ryan’s mother has been begging me, almost every day, to cater your wedding. Maybe I’ll tell her yes.

Y/N: Why do you have to be an asshole all the time?

Shithead: To make sure I get what I want.

Y/N: Fine. One week and that’s it. Where?

Shithead: Our house.

Y/N: What the fuck are you even talking about?

Shithead: You know, it honestly does hurt how quickly you forgot about that.

‘There’s no fucking way he’s talking about the house in the Hamptons’ you thought to yourself. Y/N: You don’t mean that house in the Hamptons.

Shithead: That’s exactly what I’m talking about.

Y/N: Ransom...why would you still have that house?

Shithead: Because it’s ours.

You felt your swell and break at the same time and it took all you had to not breakdown and cry at your work desk.

Y/N: Fine, when are we doing this?

Shithead: This Saturday.

Y/N: I’ll meet you there.

You shut your phone in your desk as you tried to avoid a complete and total meltdown. That week went by faster than it had any right to, and by the time Saturday came, both you and Ryan were at your wits end.

“But why does he want you to represent him?” Ryan asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

“I don’t know, Ryan. I guess he just trusts me,” you sighed as you threw a travel bag into your backseat.

“There’s nothing going on?”

“Ryan, I don’t want to have this talk anymore so I’m not going to,” you huffed as you slammed the door shut. “Besides, you’re the one who said that everyone just needs to have their fun, right?”

“Baby-”

“There’s nothing to worry about, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.”

“You’re gonna be in the Hamptons?”

“Yeah, he has a place out there and I guess that’s where he goes to relieve stress,” shrugged as you got into your car and started it.

“Let me know when you get there. I love you,” he smiled weakly, and you could see the fear in his eyes.

“Love you too,” you smiled before driving off.

The entire drive, you felt every possible emotion possible. There were a few times you almost turned around and almost text Ransom that he could cater the damn wedding, but you in the end knew you two needed it. Maybe closure would finally help you move on and just maybe you’d find the courage to leave Ryan.

Maybe you’d find the courage to be yourself again.

When you pulled up to the house, your heart began to race as you fought back tears. That house had held so many promises for you two and so many memories. Though a small part of you was happy he chose to have the talk there. It gave you a little hope that you’d be strong enough, seeing as this house also represented what he threw away.

Ransom was standing in the doorway, smug grin on his face, as you grabbed your bag.

“Lets get this over with,” you muttered, pushing past him and making your way inside.

“Happy to see you too,” he chuckled, closing the door behind him.

The first two days were brutal. Doors were slammed, feelings were hurt, yelling was the only tone either of you had, tears wouldn’t stop flowing, and hearts were shattered.

“I told you that I’d try and that there would be a few bumps!” Ransom yelled at you as he followed you into the kitchen. “I was fucking trying, Y/N-”

“Jesus Christ! I fucking told you that I didn’t want to be your crash test dummy!” you shouted back as you grabbed a bottle of wine. “But you don’t fucking listen! You don’t think about anyone but yourself-”

“I don’t think about anyone but myself?! Jesus, it must be nice up there on that fucking high horse you put yourself on! You fucking left, Y/N! You just fucking vanished!”

“I told you why I left!”

“Horse shit!” he retorted, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a glass. “You fucking left because it was the easy way out for you! You left because you’re a fucking coward!”

“I’m the coward?! You’re the one who let us crash and burn because you were afraid to change! Afraid of not being the shit bird they all knew you are! So don’t fucking-”

“I stayed!” he yelled, slamming his glass down on the counter top. “I stayed, I fucking changed, and got my shit together! What the fuck did you do, Y/N? Huh? Become a successful lawyer which isn’t even what you want to do, fucking meet Ryan and commit to that piece of shit?! Agree to marry him because you’re too much of a coward to leave and trust yourself to make a better choice for yourself? Too afraid to trust me again? Yeah, you’re doin’ real fuckin’ great for yourself,” he scoffed, taking a long drink from his glass. “I may be a real fucking piece of shit, but fuck all if I haven’t fucking tried to get this shit right! If I haven’t tried to be better for you! Don’t talk to me about being a fucking coward when you’ve let yourself become this,” he motioned towards you.

You just stood there and cried because he had you. There wasn’t a word that he said that wasn’t true, but he could also go fuck himself since he had a major roll into turning you into a shell of yourself. You went upstairs to the bedroom you’d been staying in and settled yourself in the middle of the bed. You curled your knees upward before hugging your legs to your chest and taking a huge gulp from the wine bottle.

There was soft knock at the door before Ransom opened it and slowly made his way in. All you did was glare at him as your tears continued to flow. “I’m sorry,” he sighed before sitting at the edge of the bed.

“I fucking hate you,” you cried before taking another swig from the wine bottle.

“Stop it, don’t say that. I know it’s my fault, okay? I did all of it.”

“Then why did you fucking say it?”

“Because I’m fucking mad at you, Y/N. I’m fucking furious with you, because that was the worst day of my life. I woke up one day and you were gone. No one would tell me anything, you changed your number, you blocked me on everything...you just left and it fucking hurt.”

“I had to leave, Ransom,” you sighed, wiping your eyes.

“I know that too. I guess I’m mainly just angry with myself,” he huffed before taking a sip from the whiskey bottle. “You were everything and I just...” he trailed off as his own tears started to come.

“I shouldn’t have just left like that,” you mumbled. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not like I gave you much of a choice.”

“I always had a choice and a part of me just wanted to hurt you and the other part of me...”

“The other part of you?”

“I saw us turning into my parents and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be my mother. Loving you with all I had just for you to continue to throw it away? I knew that if I stayed, I would’ve taken you back and you wouldn’t have changed.”

“Yes I would-”

“No you wouldn’t have,” you scoffed before taking another drink from the bottle. “If there’s no consequence what’s your incentive to change?”

“My incentive is that I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You did it the first time and you felt bad then, too. You still cheated again, Ransom.”

“I also loved you and that meant everything to me. Your love meant everything to me.”

“Love clearly wasn’t enough,” you smiled at him meagerly.

You two spent the rest of that night drinking in silence, but not leaving each other’s side. At some point you both fell asleep, and when you woke up Ransom had cuddled you close. You knew you should’ve pulled away and ended the trip early, but you felt so happy and content in his arms. You hadn’t felt like that since the last time you and Ransom were happy and deeply in love in what felt like eons ago.

You decided that the third day would be pleasant one. Plus, your throat really was starting hurt from all of the screaming. Change was needed.

“So, a restaurant huh?” you asked as he made breakfast for the both of you.

“Someone once told me I had potential and that I’m a pretty good cook,” he smirked at you over his shoulder. “So, I decided to open up a restaurant. I knew how to manage it and run things, I hired some of the best cooks around and decided to give it a shot. I didn’t fuck it up so I decided to open up two more for the hell of it,” he chuckled. “Besides, I knew I couldn’t win you back with an ‘I’m sorry’ and bouquet of flowers. I had to really get my shit together.”

“Are they all named after me?” you teased, ignoring the happiness that was bursting from your heart.

“No,” he laughed, “but they’re all styled in a way you’d like and all of your favorites that I’ve made for you are on each menu.”

“I’m proud of you, Ransom.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, you’ve done well for yourself and you did it on your own. You did all this despite what your family thought of you and I’m proud of you. I always knew you could do anything.”

“That means a lot coming from you,” he smiled as he walked over to the table with plates in hand.

“You remembered!” you squealed with delight as he set down a plate of Eggs Benedict with a side of potatoes.

“Of course I remembered,” he chuckled. “It’s your favorite.”

“Because I’m so high maintenance,” you mused, remembering back to the first time he made it for you.

He’d called you high maintenance and said you had an expensive palate. In return, you told him not to fuck up your breakfast.

“Yeah, you’re one of the most low maintenance, high maintenance women I’ve ever known,” he laughed.

“How many women have you made swoon over breakfast at this house?”

“None. No one’s been here except you. No one even knows about this house besides you. I come here alone sometimes and just think, but it’s been here empty for the most part.”

“Why don’t you get rid of it?”

“Because it’s our home. You had to come back eventually, and when you did, I would’ve tried my best to get you back out here. The week I spent out here with you was the best week of my life. I wasn’t about to give it up so easily,” he smiled sheepishly.

“What do you wanna do today? I don’t feel like arguing today,” you questioned as you cut into your brunch, trying to ignore everything you were feeling.

“Well, the weather’s nice so we can go out on the boat if you want, or we can go out and shop-”

“What do you want to do?”

“I wanna stay in with you and watch movies, talk, and just...I want us to get along.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” you smiled.

You both spent the rest of the day laughing and talking, like the first two days of hell hadn’t happened. When it came time for a movie, he let you choose, but he did give you a hard time.

“Of course you chose ‘Roman Holiday’,” he teased as you pulled it up on one of your streaming accounts.

“You told me to choose my favorite movie, so I don’t know why you’re giving me a hard time,” you laughed as he came in with the wine and popcorn.

“You probably watch this every weekend.”

“I wish,” you huffed as the movie started. “Maybe I’d be in a better mood.”

“What? Ryan doesn’t like to indulge in the things you like?”

“Ryan is picky about indulging in the things I like.”

“Why are you even with him?”

“He wasn’t always like this, Ransom. Maybe it’ll change after we’re married,” you shrugged with a sigh before reaching for your glass of wine.

“He’s a fucking leach, babe. Nothing but another Joni.”

“Stop it, no he isn’t. He has money. His family has money.”

“Not like we do.”

“Ransom-”

“Think about it, princess. Your family is paying for the wedding, the venue change, you make more money than him-”

“How do you know so much?”

“He got my number from your father and sent me an apology text. He explained how he’s just feeling overwhelmed and a bunch of other bullshit,” Ransom scoffed, grabbing his own glass of wine.

“Still-”

“Is he encouraging you not to sign a prenuptial?” he asked, finally meeting your gaze. Your silence told him everything. “He’s marrying you for money and security.”

“Is that how got my number?” you questioned, returning your gaze to the screen. “My father gave it to you?”

“Sorta, I got into his phone and took it,” he chuckled before shoveling popcorn into his mouth.

“Ransom!”

“What? It’s not my fault your father’s password is so easy,” he laughed.

“What is it?”

“Oh? I thought I did something wrong.”

“I’m nosey, Ransom. What is it?” you chuckled

“Their anniversary. Your mom and dad’s.”

“That’s kind of sweet?” you giggled.

“You know they’re gonna wind up back together, right?”

“Yeah, I fuckin’ know,” you sighed “but they’re the adults here, right?”

“You’re finally getting it,” Ransom teased as you kicked him playfully.

You two went through three bottles of wine during ‘Roman Holiday’, and by the time he was ready to put on the second movie, you were feeling free.

“The second movie is your choice,” you smiled with a slight giggle.

“Oh, you’re drunk,” Ransom laughed.

“I’m a little buzzed, but I am not drunk,” you corrected with a head nod. “I just need to eat something besides popcorn.”

“Let me see what I have in the fridge-”

“Lets order something,” you interrupted, grabbing his forearm as he went to get up. “I want you to stay right here with me.”

“Why’s that?” he questioned, his gaze softening as he looked you over.

“Life’s better when you’re by my side,” you confessed softly.

In one swift move, Ransom was on you and you didn’t stop him. As his lips kissed their way down to your neck, his hands wrestled with buttons on your shorts before getting them loose and pulling them down.

“Ransom,” you moaned breathlessly.

“I love you,” he whispered hotly against your neck as one of his hands slipped down into your panties, quickly finding your most sensitive bundle of nerves.

“I love you!” you mewled, arching your back a little as your nails dug into his flesh.

“I just wanna make you feel good,” he husked as he picked up his pace. “I just wanna make you happy!”

“I just need to feel you, baby,” you moaned, unbuttoning his jeans and forcing them down as much as you could.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked, pushing himself up to meet your gaze.

“You’re all I ever want,” you responded truthfully, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear.

“So fucking beautiful, baby,” he groaned as he thrust himself inside of you.

“Fuck!”

“Missed having you beneath me like this! Missed you so much, Princess! Dreamt of this for so long!”

“I’ve needed you so much,” you sobbed, wrapping a leg around his waist. “You’re all I ever think about!”

“I haven’t loved anyone since I’ve loved you,” he panted, fucking into you faster. “Just want you...just need you.”

“Baby, I’m so fucking close!” you cried as your toes started to curl.

“Do you know how hard it was for me to not cum deep inside this perfect pussy?” Ransom asked as he picked up his pace. “You looked so fucking good and I just...fuck! You’re mine!” he growled as he tightened his grip on you.

“Ransom! I need you to destroy me in the way that only you can!”

“Holy shit! I need to let go inside of you! Please!” he desperately begged.

“Do it, please! Just...just wanna feel whole again,” you mewled as felt yourself reaching your peak.

“Y/N!” he yelled as he spilled his hot seed deep inside of you.

“Fuck!” you cried with a gasp, cumming hard as your leg tightened around his waist.

Ransom had one arm around your waist and pulled you up with him, so that you were straddling him. He pulled your shirt off and threw it across the living area before kissing all over your chest, as you quickly undid the buttons on his shirt before practically ripping it off of him.

You were well aware of the crime that you were committing, but you didn’t care. You weren’t even going to blame the alcohol, because at the end of the day, the fact of the matter was that you loved Ransom and he loved you. You’d worry about the guilt and shame you’d feel later. For the time being, you just wanted Ransom and to feel whole again.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he husked, looking up at you as he started to come to life again. “You don’t even know-”

“Don’t wanna think about that right now, baby,” you moaned looking down at him as you started to grind your hips against his. Your hair falling in front of your face. “I just want right now with you. Us, right now...that’s all that matters,” you breathed before dipping down to kiss him deeply.

As your tongues fought for dominance, one of Ransom’s hands traveled between you two and found the sensitive bud that always had you coming apart for him.

“Fuck,” you sighed, breaking away and leaning your head against his.

“Missed making you feel good, baby,” he groaned, picking up his pace. “God, I love you so fucking much. I’m gonna love you all over this fucking house.”

“Please!” you whimpered, feeling your release coming on again.

“What does my good girl need?”

“T-to..to cum! Please!”

“I don’t think so baby, not yet,” he teased, a devilish grin on his face.

“Please!”

“Will you be my good girl tonight?”

“I swear I will,” you whined before biting your lower lip.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” he grunted looking up at you, loving the beautiful mess you’d become. “Ride me, baby. Ride me and cum hard on this cock.”

“Shit!” you hissed, placing your hands on each side of shoulders as you started to ride him.

“So good for me,” he husked, doing his best to fight off another release.

“Always wanna be good for...you,” you whimpered, your grip on him tightening. “Shit!”

“Come apart for me, baby,” he encouraged softly before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it hard.

“Fuck Ransom!” you screamed, lulling your head back as your orgasm washed over you hard.

Ransom released your nipple with a ‘pop’ before chuckling darkly. “And we’re just getting started.”

Ransom did love you in every part of that house that night, promising you that he’d treat you right, never leave you, and that he’d love you forever. Your only response being that you wanted to be with him, but that you didn’t want to think at the moment. You just wanted to be in the moment with him.

The night ended with you two 69-ing in the master bedroom, you both finding your release together since neither of you wanted to give up dominance.

“What can I do to earn your trust?” Ransom sighed as you laid down next to him.

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t,” you mumbled, not ready to start discussing reality so quickly.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Ransom please,” you huffed, turning on your side to face him. “I just...I don’t know what any of this means, okay? I just know that I love you and when I’m with you, I’m lighter. The world isn’t as scary as it actually is, I’m not stressed, I’m genuinely happy, and everything makes sense.”

“So then-”

“Because you hurt me, Ransom. You broke my heart twice that doesn’t just go away because we yelled at each other for 2 days and fucked a whole bunch on the 3rd. Plus, I’m supposed to be getting married in a month and I need to-”

“You can’t still be considering marrying that douche bag!”

“Ransom!” you huffed with a frustrated sigh. “Why are we doing this now? This can wait till tomorrow. All of it can wait till tomorrow.”

“Cause you’ll have time to come up with argument tomorrow and I can never win when you’re at your best,” he muttered, pulling you close to him and kissing your forehead.

“You never win either way.”

“Fuck off,” he laughed. “I do love you, Y/N.”

“I know baby and I love you,” you smiled before kissing his chest. “Lets just rest for now. I’m sure we’ll be able to argue about this after we sleep.”

“I don’t want to argue, Princess.”

“Me neither, but we will.”

When you woke up the next morning, Ransom was on the phone with what sounded like his actual lawyer, so you grabbed one of his white button up shirts and put it on, before quickly going into the other room and grabbing your phone.

‘3 texts from Sam, 2 missed calls from mom, 1 text from John, 3 missed calls from work, and 2 texts from Ashley. Nothing from Ryan, what a shock,’ you thought to yourself as you made your way back to the main bedroom.

You weren’t even sure why you were so upset, because it’s not like you were being a saint. You were well aware of the type of man Ryan was, but for a moment he seemed like he actually gave a shit about whether or not your relationship would make it.

‘Probably worried about the money going away,’ your inner voice scoffed.

“What’s wrong Princess?” Ransom asked as soon as he got off the phone, noticing how you plopped down on the bed.

“Nothing,” you lied with a faux smile.

“You know better than to lie to me, sweetheart,” he taunted before getting in next to you. “It’s about Ryan, isn’t it?”

“He hasn’t text or called and I don’t know why it’s bothering me.”

“Because you love him,” Ransom responded bitterly. “Fuck, I really did a number on you, didn’t I?”

“I thought I was being smart, discovered I wasn’t, and yet here I am. Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with me?!” you groaned, covering your face with your hands. “Why can’t any of this shit be simple?”

“Because I keep complicating things even when I don’t mean to,” he chuckled softly as he wrapped an arm around and pulled you close. “I know I can’t change or take back what I did and how much I hurt you, but I truly wish I could. I know I don’t deserve to be the one you choose, but I really hope you do.”

“Ransom-”

“However,” he continued gently “even if you don’t pick me, don’t fucking choose him either, Princess. He’s a piece of shit and a leach. You say you don’t wanna end up like your parents, then don’t choose him, baby,” he mumbled against your cheek as one of his hands started to massage your breast.

“Ransom,” you sighed “we need to clean up downstairs-”

“We can do that after. You don’t wanna start your day with me filling you up?” he questioned hotly against your ear, as his hands traveled down between your legs.

“Fuck!”

“I’ve loved watching you walk around in my clothes. You look so fucking sexy when you’re nothing but my shirt,” he praised as he rubbed your clit faster.

“Ransom please,” you mewled, gripping the sheets as you threw your head back.

“Be a good girl and cum for Daddy,” he demanded roughly and you followed orders instantly. “Get on your hands and knees for me, baby. I want you to face that mirror and watch me fuck you. I want you to see just how fucking beautiful you look when you explode for me.”

Ransom’s filthy words had you dripping and forgetting about what the hell you’d been so stressed about before. The minute you were in the position he wanted, he thrust himself into you.

“Never get tired of this fucking pussy,” he grunted as fucked into you relentlessly. “Never get tired of hearing the sounds you make for me.”

“You’re so fucking good to me, Daddy,” you whimpered, dropping your head as you felt the knot in your core tighten.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, someone isn’t being a good girl,” Ransom taunted, grabbing a fist full of your hair and forcing your attention on the mirror in front of you. “You’re gonna miss the best part if you don’t listen,” he growled lowly as he bent down to whisper in your ear “and you don’t want that do you?”

“No,” you sobbed, feeling your release coming on.

“No who?” he questioned, slapping your ass hard.

“No D-Daddy!”

“That’s my good little slut.”

“Please let me cum, please,” you begged, his words and roughness making you clench around him.

“The way this cunt is squeezing me...we’re both gonna cum, shit!”

“Please cum with me!”

“You better keep your eyes on the fucking mirror,” he grunted, sitting upright as his movements became erratic. “Fuck! Cum for me, baby! Cum for me right now, Princess!”

“Shit!” you screamed, cumming hard as you felt him spill into you, forcing yourself to keep your gaze on the mirror in your blissed out state.

“See how fucking beautiful you look when you let me fill this pussy?” he moaned, riding out both of your highs.

“Yes baby, fuck!” you groaned as he pulled out of you.

“Fuck, I love having you like this,” he moaned. You watched him watch the mixture of your juices run down your thigh and drip on to the bed and you could feel yourself getting worked up again.

Ryan could never.

“Get your pretty little ass cleaned up before I keep you in this bed all day.”

“Maybe I want you to, Daddy,” you moaned arching your back.

“Y/N, I’m not gonna warn you again,” he growled.

“Fine,” you giggled, getting up “you can make it up to me tonight.”

“I’ll make it up to you in 2 hours,” he smirked.

You quickly cleaned yourself up and got dressed in your clothes, stuffed your phone in your pocket, before going downstairs and cleaning up the mess you two made the night before. You’d just put the clothes upstairs in the master bedroom when you heard a knock on the door. You were a little confused but thought nothing of it as you made your way to the front door.

“Hello, how may we h-help...Ryan?” you questioned as you stumbled a little. What the fuck?

“Hey babe!” he smiled brightly “I though I’d surprise you and Hugh!”

“Why?” you wondered aloud before you could stop yourself.

“I missed you and I figured I could make things right with Hugh by taking everyone out for lunch.”

“Ryan, we’re working-”

“I’m sure you both could use a break,” Ryan interrupted as he made his way inside. “This place is fucking gorgeous!”

“I know,” you muttered, closing the door behind you.

You knew you had no reason to be, but you were angry. Furious. The Hamptons was you and Ransom’s alone, and Ryan was ruining it.

“How did you even find us?”

“I asked Steve to look up a house in the Hamptons registered to Hugh Ransom Drysdale. He found the address within an hour.”

“Good old Steve,” you scowled, remembering how much you really couldn’t stand his cop friends.

“Okay, so I was thinking that maybe we’d...Ryan,” Ransom stopped short on the stairs, his entire demeanor changing instantly. He clenched his fists and his jawline tightened. “What are you doing here?”

“Wanted to take everyone out for lunch and I was hoping you and I could start over,” he smiled, hopeful.

“As great as that sounds, we both have a lot of work to do.”

“I’m sure you two have time for a break.”

“How did you even find my house?”

“One of his cop buddies looked it up for him,” you muttered, as you started picking at your fingers.

Ransom’s phone started ringing and he looked from you to Ryan before looking down at it. “Fuck, I have to take this,” he muttered before storming into the kitchen then making his to his backyard, slamming the door shut.

“He seems pissed,” Ryan scoffed.

“Yeah, and I don’t blame him. This is kinda fucked up, Ryan.”

“I’m just trying to do a good thing-”

“Ryan, you had someone look up his address, you come over unannounced, you’re basically trying to force a friendship on him that he doesn’t want-”

“I’m trying to make amends!”

“He doesn’t like you, Ryan! He doesn’t like you and he has every reason not to!”

“Babe, I’m trying to make things right. Besides, if he’s important enough to get you take a week off from planning our wedding, I should make the effort to make things right, shouldn’t I?”

“This isn’t how you go about doing it,” you muttered, grabbing your phone as it buzzed for the millionth time.

Shithead: This is our home, what the fuck is he doing here?!

Shithead: He can’t fucking be here, Princess. He just can’t be.

Shithead: Get him out of here.

Shithead: Listen, I know none of this is your fault, Princess. I’m sorry, but he just can’t fucking be here. He has to go.

“Fuck,” you muttered, putting your phone back into your pocket. “Let me go and talk to him. Just sit down and watch TV or something.”

“Baby, I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah, I know, Ryan. I know,” you huffed as you made your way into the kitchen.

Ransom was pacing in the kitchen and you could tell he was doing all he could not to destroy everything in his path. “Who the fuck does he think he is?!” Ransom hissed as quietly as he could. “Who just shows up to someone’s house like this?! This is our house!”

“Ransom, it’s not like I told him to come here!”

“I know you didn’t,” he sighed, wrapping his arms around you.

“Ransom stop, he’s right out there,” you warned softly, weakly pushing him off of you.

“He’s in our house.”

And I’m his fiancee,” you countered with a sigh. Only you would get yourself in a situation like this.

“I want him gone.”

“Ransom, he’s not going anywhere until he takes us out for food.”

“Fine, but if he’s getting what he wants, I wanna get what I want,” he propositioned with a devilish grin.

“You just had me!”

“Yeah, and my fucking plan was to get you on that boat, talk a little then have you ride my face,” he whispered against your neck before biting it as his hands worked on undoing your shorts.

“Fuck,” you moaned softly. “We can’t! What if he catches us?”

“Just keep quiet. I know my good girl can be quiet for me, right?” he questioned as he got on his knees and pulled your shorts down. “Daddy just wants a taste,” he mumbled before diving between your legs.

A quiet gasp escaped your lips as you arched your back. If your past actions weren’t going to send you to hell, you were sure that this would do the trick. What made it worse was that you got off on it. A part of you wanted Ryan to catch you and Ransom because you wanted to hurt him. He’d hurt you so many times that if you could just make him feel an ounce of pain that he inflicted onto you, it would bring you so much more satisfaction than it should.

The other part of you just wanted to be with Ransom, and if Ryan caught you two, it would’ve made the breakup all that much easier. You knew Ryan would never really confess to cheating on you (he loved giving half truths), but you could deal with him hating you as long as you finally got to be Ransom’s again.

“Shit!” you cried softly as Ransom slipped two fingers inside of you. You kicked off one of your sandals and stepped out of the right pant leg of your shorts, before hooking that leg over Ransom’s shoulder. “So fucking close, baby,” you whimpered quietly.

All Ransom did was pick up the pace with both his tongue and fingers, using his other hand to grip you tight. You squeezed his hair tight and pulled him closer to you, and when you felt his nails dig into your thighs, you knew he was doing best to keep quiet.

“Fuck!” you breathed out as you came hard all over his tongue, your free hand gripping his shoulder extremely hard.

Ransom stayed in-between your legs, cleaning you up at a leisurely pace, as you slowly came down from your high. You relished every moment of his desperate desire to please you.

“I’ll go out first,” you exhaled softly with a small chuckle as Ransom kissed his way back up your body as he brought your shorts up with him.

“You sure you can stand?” he laughed before kissing your lips.

“Shut up,” you giggled, playfully pushing him off. “Just be nice for lunch and we can get back to where we were. Talking,” you pointed teasingly, before turning to walk away.

“Just,” Ransom called softly as he grabbed your wrist “just don’t change your mind. Don’t make a decision,” he pleaded softly.

That pulled on your heartstrings much more than you would’ve liked.

Ryan made reservations at ‘Si Si Mediterranean Restaurant’ and you all got there just in time. He wanted to take the boat there, but Ransom came up with a bullshit reason as to why you all couldn’t. Something to do with the engine or rudder. You couldn’t bring yourself to focus because you were consumed with guilt. Your fiancee had gotten you and your ex-boyfriend lunch reservations to try and make things right, and the entire time you were just waiting for him to leave so you and Ransom could get back to figuring out what you two were and what you two would do.

Because, at the end of the day, that’s all it was: you and Ransom, selfishly trying to find a way to work things out, to be together again. You were silly to think that you could spend a week with Ransom and believe that nothing would happen between you two. In all honesty, you always knew you’d fall easily for him again, but lying to yourself had become one of your new favorite things.

“I hope you don’t mind, Ransom,” Ryan smiled once you all were seated, “I’m not sure what kind of food you like, but I know Y/N love Mediterranean food.”

“I’ve been to a lot of outings with her family,” Ransom smiled condescendingly, “I know all of her favorite places in Marlborough and in general.”

“I could tell by the menu you put together for our little dinner party,” Ryan smiled as he squeezed your hand gently.

The second the waiter came by. You asked for a Si Si Tai and slipped him a $200 tip to keep them coming.

The entire time Ransom and Ryan basically kept comparing dick sizes, you kept your sunglasses on and eyes on the water, trying to imagine you were anywhere else. Trying to imagine a better version of yourself, that you hadn’t let yourself become someone who was okay with sneaking and lying.

A cheater.

You found it funny that the one thing you’d left Ransom for was the one thing you were willing to commit with him.

“Babe, you okay?” Ryan asked you, pulling you out of your thoughts, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” you lied with a faux smile. “Why, what’s up?”

“The waiter asked you for your order...like 3 times,” he smiled sheepishly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you laughed, quickly glancing at the menu. It’s not even like you were all that hungry. “I’ll take the lamb burger,” you smiled up at the waiter.

“Funny. Ransom said that’s what you’d want,” Ryan chuckled humorlessly to himself as the waiter walked away.

“What can I say? The man knows me,” you mused before taking a big sip of your Si Si Tai.

“Yeah, how do you two know each other? I mean, I know he works with your father but-”

“Harlan, his grandfather, introduced my dad to the whole family, and he and Ransom really to hit it off,” feeling the slightest bit of anger at the memory of how you first met Ransom.

“What do you-”

“Y/N’s father used to be a real piece of shit, and so was I. I guess, in a way, I still am,” Ransom interrupted as you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. Ransom sensed your anger and uneasiness and continued. “Her father decided that he liked me because I could get him all of the things he wanted, whether he should’ve had them or not.”

“And you two still became friends?” Ryan scoffed, taking a sip of his scotch, clearly enjoying being the cause of friction between you and Ransom.

“Well, we had a really long talk one night and it helped both of us see things in a different light,” Ransom smirked as he took a sip of his whiskey. “Things changed from then on.”

You smiled to yourself, remembering the night Ransom was talking about, taking note of that’s when your feelings towards him began to change. “Can we talk about something else? Remembering how my dad used to be a flaming pile of trash isn’t something I really wanna do today.”

“You’re right babe, I’m sorry,” Ryan smiled regretfully as Ransom rolled his eyes. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“The Patriots lineup is looking pretty promising for this season,” you smirked before taking a small sip of your drink.

“Babe, you know I hate it when-”

“You really think they have a chance?” Ransom laughed. “After last season, with the way they played against the Chiefs...”

“It was a rough year, but it wasn’t completely terrible. They’ll bounce back!”

“Whatever you say, Princess,” Ransom laughed before downing his whiskey while he signaled for another.

The rest of brunch went off without a hitch, but that didn’t mean there weren’t uncomfortable moments. Ryan felt out of place, which in turn made you feel a little bad for him. He was trying so hard though. He really wanted you to see, to know he was trying.

After he settled the bill, Ryan drove everyone back to Ransom’s. Ransom was quick to get out of the car, telling you that he’d set up a work space for you two before quickly going inside, barely waving goodbye to Ryan.

“I don’t know how much work he thinks you’ll get done like this,” Ryan chuckled softly as he looked you over. “I know that me coming here threw a wrench in the works, but I needed to see for myself.”

“See what?”

“That everything was okay. That we’re okay.”

“Ryan-”

“Listen, I know I haven’t been the best boyfriend or fiancee, but we’ve been doing better. I’m trying my best to be and do better.”

“What’s your point?”

“I know you don’t believe that he has an angle, but please just trust me: I know he does and I know he won’t treat you right.”

“Stop it-”

“Baby, please just-”

“What was any of this supposed to prove, Ryan? What was the purpose?”

“That I fucking love you and you love me!” he snapped before stomping his foot.

“Why is it that you only care now? Why does it took someone else coming along for you to realize that you love me so much?”

“Because I never had a reason to worry! I’ve always known how much I love you, why do you think I waited for you? I’ve always known you were the one for me and then when I finally got you, I just got comfortable and careless. And I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. I won’t take you for granted ever again. I love you and I can’t wait till we’re married,” he smiled weakly, tears welled in both corners of his eyes.

“I have to get inside,” you muttered as you turned to walk away.

“Just please,” he begged softly, grabbing your wrist, “don’t forget what I’ve said. Don’t fall for him, it’s all just a game to him. You’re just a prize to him and he’ll never love you like I do. No one will,” he finished softly, giving you a small kiss on the cheek as he let go of your wrist.

All you did was nod before turning and going into the house. Ransom was standing in the living area with a cigarette lit and you knew you couldn’t talk to him just yet.

“I need a minute,” was all you said before going into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine, and making your way out back.

You sat by the pool and let the events of the day, the ghosts of past words spoken, roll around in your head. It was only 4pm and you were exhausted.

You knew that Ransom truly loved you, but he’d truly loved you before and he still shattered your heart. Ryan really had been trying to do better, but Ransom telling you that he was only in it for the money had you seeing things differently.

Ryan had always been obsessed with money and status.

As you continued to drink and wallow in self pity, ‘Run the Road’ started playing and you couldn’t help but laugh. The first time you’d heard the song was five years ago while you and Ransom were out clubbing in the Hamptons. It was the second night that you two had spent in the Hamptons, and Ransom was extremely possessive over you. He practically growled at every guy that approached you on the dance floor while he loved seeing how much they all hated him for having you.

“You’re all mine aren’t you?” he whispered hotly in your ear that night, as you swayed your hips to the music, your back ironed against his chest.

“Mhm, all yours Ransom,” you drunkenly giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Can any of these guys fuck you?”

“No, only you,” you moaned as his hands traveled up and over your clothed breasts.

“That’s right,” he chuckled, as one of his hands snaked up and around your neck. “You’re my good girl. Look and see how jealous they all are,” he demanded softly.

You giggled a little when you bothered to remember that you two were in public and looked around at all the guys with lust and envy in their eyes. “You like showing me off, huh?”

“I love showing you off, Princess. Get to do it for a fucking week,” he chuckled as he gripped your hip and pulled you impossibly closer to him and you felt just how much he loved it. “I’ll never get tired of this pretty little cunt. I’ll never get tired of you,” he husked against the shell of your ear before nipping at it.

“Keep this up and we’ll give them a real show,” you moaned, your excitement building.

“They don’t deserve a show,” he muttered as he took notice of all the guys that were watching the two of you. “If one more of those fuckers tries to dance with you though, I’ll break their fuckin’ neck,” he growled.

“Lets get you off the dance floor,” you giggled, reluctantly freeing yourself from his hold while you turned to face him.

The memory made you laugh and smile because you remembered what came after; it also broke your heart. Ransom was extremely possessive and protective over you before he had the balls to finally tell you how he truly felt. Meanwhile, only a few short weeks ago, Ryan basically told you that he’s fine with you cheating because people need to have their fun.

“I half expected to find you with a cigarette,” Ransom commented softly, breaking you out of your thoughts as he took a seat next to you.

“Give it some time,” you sniffled softly, with a sad chuckle as you wiped your eyes with the back of your hand.

“Princess-”

“Ransom please don’t. Please.”

“You can’t go back to him.”

“I should just go home.”

“Please don’t. Not yet.”

“Ransom, we can’t do this. I can’t do this! What the fuck is wrong with me?!” you exclaimed, finally letting your tears flow freely. “When did I become this selfish? This much of a coward? This isn’t fair to either of you and I’m just trying to pretend-”

“I’m the one who asked you here, I’m the one who kissed you, and I’m the one who is selfishly begging you to stay. I know how much you love me and I keep hoping that it’ll just be enough to...”

When you saw Ransom’s own tears starting to fall, it made you feel even worse. “I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to give you false hope.”

“Then just stay with me!”

“Ransom...if he’s trying, I have to try, too.”

“No, you really fucking don’t. He’s a piece of shit and fuck...just stay here with me. We can start over and we can make it work this time. I know we can.”

“I love you so much. God, I love you so much it fucking hurts,” you smiled weakly as you took his face in your hand.

All Ransom did was pull you pull close and hold you tight as you both cried. It felt like you were leaving him all over again.

At some point, you fell asleep and Ransom must have carried you back to the master bedroom, because when you woke up you were alone in the dark. You slowly crept out of the bed and tiptoed down the stairs, not wanting to disturb Ransom since you didn’t know what he was doing. You saw the TV light illuminating the living area and you took a deep breath before making your way in.

You were about to ask him to talk when you noticed your phone on the coffee table in front of him. “I didn’t go through your phone,” Ransom stated softly, as if he were reading your mind, but his eyes never left the screen. “Ryan wouldn’t stop calling and texting you, so I brought your phone down here with me and text him from my phone telling him that you were asleep.”

“Thank you,” you stated softly, starting to fumble with your fingers. “I’m gonna start packing and-”

“Please don’t,” Ransom begged softly, still not looking at you.

“It’s better if I do.”

“No, it really isn’t.”

“Ransom-”

“Y/N, I’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re not gonna choose me and it’s what I deserve, that’s fine. I have to accept that, but I’m losing you all over again and I’m just not there yet. I’m...” he cleared his throat before finally turning to meet your gaze, eyes puffy and red. “Just stay for the rest of the week, please? If this is the last time I can be with you, truly be with you, just let me have it, please?”

How were you supposed to say no to him? It’s not even like you wanted to go back anyway. You said nothing as you sat down next to Ransom and he pulled you close. Both of your hearts were breaking all over again, so why not stay with the one person who truly understood what you were going through?

For the rest of the night, Ransom just held you and pressed soft kisses into your hair and kept telling you how much he loved you, while he quietly sobbed. In return, you just sobbed into his chest and held him as tight as you could, wishing you were strong enough to trust him again.

The rest of the week was spent arguing, crying, making love, and pretending. Pretending that life as a couple went on after the week was over. Pretending that the wedding plans your mother was always calling to tell you about (you left her in charge after the venue change because you truly didn’t care anymore), were for your and Ransom’s wedding. Pretending that whenever you spoke to Ryan and told him ‘I love you’, you were just saying it to someone who was an on and off again friend.

Pretending that you two weren’t the people you actually were, and that things hadn’t gotten fucked up all those years ago.

When Friday came, you were determined to stay in bed, trying to hold off Saturday for as long as possible.

“No, we’re getting up and doing things,” Ransom chuckled, as he peppered kisses up and down your cheek and neck.

“No, because that will make the day go faster and tomorrow will get here-”

“Tomorrow can fuck off. I’m not spending today in bed and moping with you. We’re going on the boat,” he quipped before getting up and putting on the pair of boxers you practically ripped out of him the night before.

“And if I refuse to drive it?” you huffed, sitting up and crossing your arms.

“Won’t matter, because I got a boating license,” he smirked as you laughed and flipped him off.

Nonetheless, you reluctantly got out of bed and took a shower before slipping into one of Ransom’s favorite sundresses, and slipping your phone into your pocket.

“You remember what happened the last time you wore that dress,” Ransom smirked as you came down the steps.

“You will behave and treat me like a lady, Mr.Drysdale,” you taunted with a coy finger wag.

“We both know you prefer it when I treat you like the little slut you are.”

“Are you trying to end up back in the bedroom?”

“You started it, not me,” he laughed as grabbed a bottle of wine and a picnic basket. “You ready, Princess?”

You just giggled and nodded.

The ride to the marina was light and free. You forced yourself to put the next day off as much as you could. You just wanted to be with Ransom, in the moment.

“Alright, I have to ask because it’s been bothering me,” you sighed, settling into the boat’s center council as Ransom dropped anchor in the middle of the ocean. “I know your restaurants are successful, and you have money in stocks and blah blah blah, but-”

“How am I able to afford this house out here and my house in Marlborough?” he chuckled as the low growl of the engine slowly faded. He made his way over to you.

“Mhm,” you nodded as you poured both glasses of wine.

“I became a stripper after you left me,” he sighed heavily as you choked on your wine. “I couldn’t fucking help it, I’m so sorry, baby,” your hysterical reaction made him laugh so hard he almost fell over.

“You’re such a shithead!” you laughed, cleaning up any spilled wine droplets that landed on the wood panels.

“And you love it,” he smiled before kissing you. “No, in all honesty, Harlan gave me half of Walt’s inheritance,” he smirked, taking a drink himself.

“What?!”

“Well, after the last time I fucked up, I knew I had to make serious changes. Without going into detail, I told Harlan about my plan to open up a restaurant and wanting to branch off on my own. I didn’t go to him for money, because I needed to do this on my own to show both you and myself that I was capable of doing it. I just wanted to bounce ideas off him and get his feedback. When I finally got to work on the restaurant, he told me he was impressed and proud of me for doing something on my own. He was also pissed off at Walt, and has been for a while, because he won’t do anything on his own. He waits for whatever Harlan feeds him then wants to try and force his ideas on him instead of just creating something on his own. So, he told me that he wants to put his money to better use, so he gave me half of Walt’s inheritance,” Ransom finished with a shrug before downing the rest of his wine. He poured himself another glass.

“Why Hugh Ransom Drysdale, you little shit!” you laughed and smiled. “But how did you get him to give it to you early? It’s an inheritance.”

“I asked him for it upfront, because I wanted the mansion before I’d have to go into a fucking bidding war. I explained that all of my money was going into the restaurant and that I really wanted to make an offer. He was hesitant at first, but he saw how dedicated I really was and how seriously I was taking it, and gave me the money. Pissed Walt off and made Harlan proud at the same time,” he chuckled.

“I’m really proud of you, babe,” you smiled softly.

“Yeah? You wanna show me how proud you are?” He smiled devilishly.

“As much as I would love that,” you giggled, “we’re not as alone as we were the last time we did this.” you nodded towards the young adults laughing and going by on their jet skis and own yachts.

“They’re just a bunch of spoiled little fuck heads.”

“You were once one of those spoiled little fuck heads,” you laughed.

“Oh, I’m an old fuck head now?”

“Older, baby. You don’t fuck like an old man at all.”

“Then put my ego at ease right now,” he smirked as he put his wine glass down and slowly made his way over to you.

“Ransom, people will most definitely see!”

“It’s not like you give a fuck and you know I don’t,” he husked as one of his hands sneaked under your dress and started to rub your clit teasingly. “No panties? Oh Princess, you’re fucking begging to be fucked out in the open. You want everyone to know who this pussy belongs to, don’t you?” he teased.

“Yes,” you moaned, arching your back a little. “Fuck, Ransom!” you cried as he slid two fingers inside of you.

“Such a good little slut for me,” he groaned before dipping down and kissing you deeply.

“Take that inside!” one of the boys on a passing boat yelled.

“Can I join?!” another girl yelled.

“I fucking hate young people,” Ransom mumbled against your lips as he used his free hand to flip them off and you started laughing. “I’m gonna kill them. I’m going to kill all of them.”

“I thought you didn’t mind being watched,” you laughed, trying to catch your breath.

“I don’t give a fuck who watches, but be grateful you get to see at all and shut the fuck up,” he huffed, sitting up and pulling his fingers out of you.

“Oh sweetie,” you moaned with a soft laugh.

“Fuck, I am becoming a grumpy old man,” he groaned as you laughed harder.

“Oh baby, I have a surprise for you tonight that won’t have you feeling old at all. I won’t let you.”

“Does it involve me being deep inside that tight little asshole?”

“If you play your cards right,” you smirked before taking his two fingers into your mouth and sucking and licking them clean.

“Shit!” he groaned, palming himself over his shorts “keep this up and I’ll show every one of those little shits how to fuck!”

“Patience, my love,” you laughed after you finished cleaning off his fingers. “Lets go back home and get ready for tonight.”

“No, because I made your favorite for lunch and I-”

“You made me a Cuban melt?! I fucking love you!” you exclaimed, tackling him with a hug.

“I love you too, Princess,” he laughed, wrapping you in a hug that was just as tight.

“See? I want a love just like that!” a girl exclaimed as another boat went by.

Lunch went so well that neither of you wanted to head back, but you really wanted to take Ransom out. Yeah, it would be noisy and rowdy, but it would be worth it in the end.

“What should I wear for tonight?” he called from the bedroom as you put your makeup on in the bathroom.

“Fun casual,” you smirked as you touched up your lip liner.

“What the fuck did you do?”

“Just trust me,” you laughed, finishing up and making your way out of the bathroom.

“You look like that and expect me to want to go out?”

“Lets go, my little horn ball.”

“I fucking love you, did you know that?”

“I had a feeling,” you smirked as the car service pulled up. “Lets go, baby.”

The first stop was the first place he took you out for dinner, The Palm in the East Hamptons, and he was happily shocked. You both talked about your future plans as if you were going to be together when they happened. He took your hand in his often and kissed the top of it as much as you’d let him, before it was time to move on to the next place.

“You’re so fucking funny, did you know that?” he laughed as the car pulled up to MARS. The bar that changed everything for the both of you.

“I just wanted to see you smile, baby,” you laughed as you both made your way out of the car.

“You found the perfect way to do that,” he grinned.

You both spent the night pretending that you both weren’t as old as you actually were, dancing and drinking, ignoring the voices in your head that kept telling you that it would all be over in a few hours. All that mattered in that moment was Ransom and how you both made each other feel complete.

“I wanna take you home,” Ransom slurred slightly in your ear, as you continued to grind your hips against his as you two danced to whatever Ariana Grande song had been remixed.

“Home sounds nice,” you giggled, turning around in his hold and looking up at him as you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Our home.”

“That’s right, baby. Our home,” he smiled sincerely.

The minute you two got inside, Ransom was all over you, pulling your dress off as you furiously worked to unbutton his shirt. You both were toeing off your shoes instantly as you did your best to unbutton and unzip his pants. In one swift move, he was hoisting you up as you wrapped your legs around him, carrying you to the bedroom.

Ransom loved you repeatedly that night and it felt like heaven. At one point, you couldn’t help but start to cry, because you knew the fairy tale would be over soon. Ransom just kissed them away as he continued to thrust into you relentlessly.

“Just be here with me right now. Tomorrow can wait till just then,” he moaned with a weak smile.

You tried to fight off sleep, but Ransom held you close and whispered sweet nothings in your ear. You were fast asleep within’ minutes.

When you awoke the next morning, Ransom was awake and watching you, stroking the side of your face softly as the gentle Spring breeze kissed the room.

“I don’t mean to be creepy, I just wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as possible,” he smiled softly, though his puffy red eyes let you know that he’d been crying.

“No, you’re fine. This is nice...everything has been so nice,” you whispered, trying to fight back your own tears. “I should get up and pack,” you sniffled after you cleared your throat.

“I packed your things while you were sleeping, please just stay here with me for a bit. If this is it, I just want us to...lets just live in this for a little bit longer.”

“We can do that,” you nodded as a lone tear escaped your eye.

“You’re so beautiful when you’re asleep. You’re so peaceful.”

“That’s only when I fall asleep next to you,” you chuckled softly.

“Waking up next to you every day would be perfect,” he smiled, cupping your face in his hand as you kissed his wrist softly. “What do you think our wedding would’ve been like?”

“We would’ve eloped in Paris,” you laughed as he used to his thumb to wipe away another one of your tears.

“Paris, huh?”

“Mhm, we have to make something about it at least a little romantic. No annoying families, no unwanted guests, no big to-do...just us in Paris. Saying ‘I Do’ and living happily ever after.”

“I like that a lot.”

“I thought you would.”

“Y/N, please don’t go. We can do this...make this work.”

“Ransom, please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“If it’s so hard, you should just stay!”

“I can’t. I just can’t,” you sobbed, leaning into his touch.

Ransom said nothing. He just pulled you closer as he kissed you deeply, the pain in his heart evident by his grip on you.

“You are perfect to me...for me. I love you,” he whispered against your lips.

You and Ransom loved each other with all that you each had, leaving each other spent, as your lonely, quiet sobs and moans filled the room. After all was said and done, you forced yourself out of Ransom’s hold and got dressed. Ransom wordlessly watched you as he tried to keep his crying to a minimum. You gave him one final kiss before grabbing your bag and leaving.

As you sat in your car, you contemplated going back inside and just staying with him. You knew you couldn’t. For as much as you loved Ransom, you’d loved him that much before and it hadn’t been enough.

The entire drive back to your apartment you cried as if the most precious person in your world had been taken from you; because as far as you were concerned, he had.

From that day on, you did your best to force yourself into a roll that you just didn’t fit in to. You fake laughed and smiled as everyone in the office counted down to your wedding. You pretended to be happy every time your mother(s) told you about changes they’d made in designs and color schemes. You pretended it didn’t matter when they took out peonies from the bridal bouquet, because it didn’t matter to you anymore. None of it mattered.

When Ryan made love to you, you always pretended to be somewhere else, with someone else. When he showed you houses he was interested in, you barely offered any feedback. When he gave a heartfelt speech at the rehearsal dinner, you just smiled and nodded along with everyone else, because that’s what you were supposed to do. The tears you cried were real, however. No, you weren’t crying over Ryan’s words, but because everything was all wrong. Ryan was never supposed to be your husband. It was never supposed to get as far as it did; you just didn’t have the strength or courage to stop your life from taking the turn it did.

Which is why you’re currently sitting in the bridal suite, looking for a fire escape before the heat consumes you, but what choice do you have? At this point, you truly feel as if you don’t deserve Ransom, and Ryan is just...he’s just okay. There are much worse men that you could’ve settled for at the end of the day. You keep trying to force yourself to come to terms with your choice all while the last bit of fight within you keeps screaming: run for the hills, as fast as you can.

‘Run to Ransom,’ you tell yourself mentally.

Why can’t anything ever be simple? Why can’t love ever be kind to you?

Ransom’s P.O.V.

There’s a different kind of pain you feel when you know you’re about to lose the love of your life to entitled piece of shit. Then again, I guess I’m an entitled piece of shit; takes one to know one and all of that. That’s really the reason I treated Y/N like shit. I knew that I loved you and that I’d eventually get my shit together. I just expected you to wait.

Because that’s what I wanted, and I always get my way.

At least, I did before you came along and changed everything. In my defense (as if I actually have one), how was I supposed to know that you’d be all consuming and soul stirring? Yeah, I knew what I felt for you was more than lust, but I’d never been in love before. Love is for fools, but God what a fucking fool I am.

I took you for granted, but I swore that if you took me back (again), I’d never do it again. I finally got it. I finally understood why everyone searched for love so desperately. Out of all the drugs I’ve ever done, love was definitely the most addictive and consuming.

But then you left.

Just vanished into thin air. I told myself I had a reason to be angry. A reason to be hurt. In reality, I was only ever angry with myself because I pushed you to it. It took time, but I used that pain to do better for you. To be better for you. The only problem? You never came back. I kept waiting and asking, but no one would tell me anything other than that you were happy, and that I needed to leave you alone. Something inside of me told me that you weren’t. I wish I could explain it, and maybe it was just me selfishly hoping that you weren’t. Maybe I was trying to make it easier to get you to come back to me, even though I knew you wouldn’t.

I tried to move on, focus on other things and other women, but none of them were you. It all felt hallow.

Then, it was as if God was finally listening, because I found out that you were coming home. The only problem was you were engaged. I couldn’t believe it and I had to see it for myself. I set up a fake meeting with your father, just so I could see you. I needed to see for myself that you were happy and okay. I told myself that if you were happy, I’d force myself to be strong enough and move on; that seeing you one last time would be the end of it. The moment I saw you coming down that grand staircase, I fell in love with you all over again. It was the single most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen, and I truly believe God took more time making you than He did anyone else.

Even for as gorgeous as you looked, I saw the truth behind the smile you wore that night. It almost seemed overly rehearsed, and your eyes looked like you were on auto-pilot. So I decided to stay close by, but out of sight: I needed to find out what exactly was doing this to you, making you so unhappy. Then I heard how he spoke to you. How he yelled at you, spoke down to you, and dismissed your feelings. I didn’t mean to barge in on you two, but all of the raised voices sounded as if things were about to get violent. I would’ve murdered him on the spot if he would’ve laid a finger on you.

The way you looked at me that night though...it was everything, because you couldn’t just be angry. No, there was a hint of longing, of happiness. Love even dared to give a hint of itself away.

I truly hadn’t meant to bring up the past when I got you alone that night, but it had been so long and I had so many questions. So many grievances.

As if I had any right.

You lied and told me you didn’t love me, which I of course coerced out of you because I never know when to stop, but it pissed me off nonetheless. How could you try to lie to me like I wouldn’t be able to tell? Jesus, I know I hurt you, but telling me you don’t love me anymore? That was below the belt.

In all my rage, anger, and self-pity, I announced that stupid dinner party for you two because maybe there was something I was missing. Maybe he really was good for you, and I just witnessed you two having a bad night. The scowl on your face the next day let me know that was bullshit. He treated you like shit the entire time you two were there and it made my blood boil. I told you I was sorry and I meant it. I was trying to show you that I’d changed, and I was pretending that I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t even look my way. I was selfish, I was angry, and I was hurt. So when Diana told me that you were smoking in the coat check room, of course I had to barge in and make a fuss. However, the way you looked in that dress...how was I supposed to stop myself?

It was like the first time all over again. You were just as needy and desperate as I was, unable to control myself just like you had no control; an infinitely satisfying, irresistible, intoxicating chaos. You felt like home because you were home, to and for me. Everything that I had been looking for with other women finally made sense when I was with you, like you are an answer to the questions inside my heart.

I knew I pushed too far when I made you admit that you loved me more than you love him, but I needed to hear it. After you gave me what I needed with that confession, I tried to give you what you needed: a quick and easy release, no strings attached.

The only problem? I’m a selfish fuck.

There’s no way I could let you go after you finally admitted that you still loved me, so in my infinite wisdom, had to push and get you to come to our place in the Hamptons. Just when I thought I had you again, he came along and took you away. Well, he had you at least attempting it again, which meant that there was a chance that things could still workout the way we both really wanted them to.

However, you never cracked. You didn’t text or call me asking me to come and get you, you never showed up at my door and asked me to whisk you away. You didn’t even come by the restaurant. I kept holding my breath and hoping for the best until last night when I finally caved.

“You can’t let her marry him, Sam!” I exclaimed as soon as she answered the phone.

“Ransom, she’s in the other room! I can’t do this right now because she’s barely holding it together-”

“Which is why you need to convince her to call it off!”

“So what? She can marry you?”

“Sam, I know you hate me and don’t want her with me, but we’re on the same fucking page. You know just as well as I do that he’s no good for her!”

Sam let out a heavy sigh before responding. “I know you’re right, Ransom, but I’ve talked to her about it multiple times. She’s dead set on this because she feels like she has to do it. I don’t know what’s not computing in her head, especially after the week she spent with you-”

“She told you about that?”

“She tells me every thing, Ransom. Of course I know about the week she spent with you.”

“What did she say about that weekend?”

“Ransom-”

“Even you have to admit that I’m not the same man I was before, Samantha. You know that all I want for her is the best and that I truly do love her. I’m trying to look out for her and-”

“Ransom, I know! I fucking know but I’m torn! Neither one of you are actually worth her time, but in telling you what she cried to me about...I just know it won’t be good,” she finished with a sigh.

Sam was right. Here I am, sitting in my bed, cigarette lit, as I contemplate fucking up your life or not.

You may end up hating me, but sometimes love is selfish and confusing. I’ve accepted that you won’t choose me, but I love you too much to let you go and watch you destroy yourself.

I’ve gotta put a stop to this.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

‘You’ve come this far, you just have to go through with it,’ you think to yourself as you try to get yourself ready to walk down the isle. ‘This will work. It has to work.’

“God, you look so gorgeous,” an all too familiar deep voice practically whispered from the doorway.

“Ransom, what are you doing here?!” you snap quietly, quickly turning your attention to him. “You can’t be here!”

“You can’t marry him, princess. You just...don’t pick me, fine, but you know that marrying him won’t do you any good.”

“Everyone’s already here and everything’s been paid for-”

“Stop making excuses!” Ransom interjects, forcing himself to keep his composure. “You know you don’t want this! You don’t want him! Look at all of this shit! You don’t even like more than half of the people here!” he almost shouts as he makes his way over to you. “Y/N-”

“Ransom, please don’t make this harder than it already is-”

“It shouldn’t have to be hard! Baby, please don’t do this!” Ransom begs as he gets on his knees and your tears start to fall. “We can leave right now and you do whatever you want, be with whoever you want, but I can’t watch you do this to yourself. I can’t let you destroy yourself because of what I did,” Ransom pleads as his own tears start to fall.

“I can’t just-”

“Sunshine, it’s...oh God,” your father mutters as you both turn your gaze to the doorway and see both him and your mother standing there. “Son-”

“Don’t let her do this,” Ransom demands, his tears falling freely as he stands up. “You know just as well as I do that this marriage is going to kill her. It’s going to take whatever light is left in her and destroy it! I know this is my fault but-”

“The choice is Y/N’s,” your mother interrupts softly, trying to hold back her own tears. “If she says this is for the best...”

“But we all know this isn’t!” Ransom interrupts harshly. “She knows it isn’t, don’t you?” he asks as his gaze goes back to you.

You look from him to your parents before taking a deep breath. “I’ll be fine, Ransom. I’m not yours to worry about. We had our chance and now it’s time for me to move on-”

“This isn’t even about me, Y/N! I just...I love you so much and I can’t just-”

“My mind is made up,” you sniffle out before drying your eye with the back pf your hand. “I love you. Thank you, but I’ll be fine,” you smile meekly before giving him a soft kiss on the cheek, walking over to your parents.

“Y/N-”

“I have to let you go, Ransom. I just have to,” you sob mournfully as you adjust your posture and look straight ahead.

Why do you have to be so stubborn? Why can’t you just forgive and take him back?

‘Remember what happened the last time you did that? The only thing you can do is move forward and hope for the best’ you mentally tell yourself as you start to walk down the isle.

The heat of everyone’s gaze has you wishing you were anywhere else. Ryan flashes you a smile and you feel sick. All of it feels wrong. Your mother went with roses, which you hate because everyone has roses. The bridesmaid dresses are cream colored and you just want to set them all on fire, because who the fuck decided that was okay?

‘Probably Ryan’s mom,’ you scoff mentally.

The venue is loud and stupid, you don’t like half the people there, you hate the dress you’re in, and you’re not head over heels for the man that’s in front of you. It isn’t the man you want.

‘You’re already here, there’s nothing else to do but hope for the best. Love, genuine deep and soul consuming love, will come...I hope,’ you repeat to yourself mentally as the priest starts on his little speech about love and the sanctity of marriage.

As the priest goes on, you start to think about your future and all of the big moments that are to come, and Ryan was by your side in none of them. It was only Ransom.

It’s always Ransom.

At some point, you found yourself muttering ‘I do’, though you didn’t really feel like you were. Your heart isn’t committing to anything, and your brain sure as shit isn’t following in line with any of it.

‘Why are you doing this? There’s literally no reason for any of this. He loves the idea of marrying you, but he doesn’t actually love you. You know better than to fall for this! Just fucking run!’ you mentally yell yourself.

“If there’s anyone here who can find reason as to why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace,” the priest happily declares.

The room is silent but you can feel Ransom’s gaze on you. You know what’s coming without even looking his way.

‘Always saving me....always breaking me,’ you chuckle internally.

“Fuck it, I’m not good enough for her but neither is this piece of shit,” Ransom huffs as he lights a cigarette. “Besides the fact she spent almost a week fucking me, she doesn’t love him. Not enough to make this sham of a marriage work. Her heart belongs to me just like mine belongs to her. That’s just how it’ll always be,” he shrugs before taking a long drag from his smoke.

“That’s bullshit! There’s no way...right, babe?” Ryan questions as his incensed gaze lands on you.

With hundreds of eyes on you, it’s time for you to make a choice. Do you go back to what you know or do you branch off into another adventure? Do you take the safe bet or do you follow your heart?

Ransom and the rest of your guests are desperately waiting to find out.

Taglist: @fuckingbye, @maroonsunrise83, @whxre4cevans

, @sweetflowerdreams,

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whiskeyswriting · 2 years ago

Text

After the Gala (TGM One Shot)

😍pairing: Robert “Bob” Floyd x Original Character

💭summary: When the town’s favorite WSO returns for a visit with the Dagger Squad, there’s no other choice but to party. And who does the town pick to organize it? None other than the one who has always been there for Bob, his childhood friend and first love, Jaden Jackson.

⚠️warnings: brief mention of alcohol… just fluff…

🎶 Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0k85t3Gkz8LqBMYd76KLRu?si=f02261320f4743ab

📝a/n: This is a work of fiction. Please do not copy or post anywhere else. Feel free to like and reblog but do give credit. There may be some inaccuracies but hey it’s my first fic being posted. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

Pacing anxiously as the people started trickling into the venue, Jade checked over her list to make sure nothing was forgotten.

Drinks? Check.

Food? Check.

Music? Check.

Dress? Check.

Shoes? Che-

“Crap! Where are my shoes?” She mutters as she looks for them. “Gotcha!” She says once she spots them under the table. She slipped them on and made her way out to join the party.

She spots two of her favorite people and roommates, Alyssa and Scarlett, and rushes towards them. “Hiii girls! I can’t wait to go home and we can binge on movies and not worry about parties!”

Aly laughs. “I can’t wait to see all the hotties coming with Bob!”

Scarlett laughs. “More like Jade can’t wait to see Bob in his uniform.”

“Oooh you’re blushing,” Aly teases when she catches sight of Jade and her flaming cheeks.

Jade playfully rolls her eyes and laughs with her friend.

“So… will the famous Jade be at this party- I’m sorry at this gala?” Hangman teasingly asks Bob.

The quiet WSO couldn’t help the blush that came to his cheeks.

“Leave him alone Jake,” Phoenix says with a warning tone to her voice.

“No! I’m genuinely curious. He’s always talking about her and I want to meet the girl that has stolen his heart since she accidentally beat him up in elementary school. He has their prom picture and the one of them from his naval academy graduation taped in his locker! I need to meet her.”

Bob groans and laughs. “She didn’t beat me up. She was excited to practice a boxing move from her pa. She felt so bad and was crying. She was 6,” he recalls the story and smiles warmly as he tells his friends.

MANY YEARS AGO

“Booooobbbbyyyyy!” Jade kept calling out as she was searching for him around their shared area of the families’ ranches.

She spots him under a pecan tree.

Taking a running start, Jade reaches him and tackles him face down to the ground and then she pulls his arm behind him as she sits on him. “I beat you up!”

Bob winces in pain at suddenly being on the ground, thinking he really was getting bullied.

When she doesn’t see him playfully fighting back, Jade’s lip trembles and she starts crying, thinking she injured her favorite person.

“No no no. Don’t cry Jade. I’m okay, see?” He says softly as he hugs her after standing back up.

“Are you sure?” Jade asks sniffling.

“Yeah. I mean it hurts a little but I like you more now. Now we can be crime fighting husband and wife!” He says excitedly as he takes a superhero pose, causing Jade to giggle and do her own pose.

PRESENT

The cheers that erupt when the aviators arrive at the gala were deafening.

“Your boyfriends are here,” Jade teases Aly and Scarlett.

“You mean your future hubby,” Aly teases back, wiggling her eyebrows.

“It’s a good thing she got a manicure,” Scarlett whispers conspiratorially to Alyssa when Jade is distracted.

As they all look to where the commotion is, Jade smiles widely when her eyes land on her handsome best friend. Her first crush. Her only crush. Her best friend.

Jade gasps happily and takes a running leap to Bob. He easily catches her and spins her around.

With foreheads touching and sharing a longing look, they smile shyly at each other. “Hi,” they say at the same time before sharing a tender kiss.

The rest of the Dagger Squad clear their throats in unison and stare at the couple.

“Everyone this is Jade, my best friend and girlfriend… Jade, this is everyone,” Bob says, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her shoulder.

Hangman stares in shock. “ The stealth pilot has smooth moves,” he mutters in disbelief.

Phoenix rolls her eyes at Hangman and moves to hug Jade. “It’s so nice to finally meet you in person!”

“Bobby was just scared we’d be too chaotic if we ever joined forces,” Jade teases, hugging her back.

They spend the next hour chatting and making introductions, making sure to include Alyssa and Scarlett in the conversation.

As the party continues, the dagger squad and the locals all interact and enjoy the evening of stories of the heroic team.

Bob discreetly nods to Alyssa and Scarlett. Both know what the nod means and they rush to their assigned posts.

Alyssa rushes to tell the DJ to play Chris Lane’s “Big, Big Plans” while Scarlett hands a flash drive to the event coordinator.

The music stops and dims to focus on the projection screen.

The song starts playing in sync with the slideshow of Bob and Jade through the years. Their childhood play dates. Their middle school dances. High school ups and downs. Prom.

Phoenix is smiling widely and giving Scarlett a thumbs up that they were able to secretly put this slideshow together.

Jade turns around to look at Bob only to find that he’s gone. Then she looks down and sees that he’s not gone. No. He’s kneeling. With a ring on his hand.

She can’t help it and just nods before he even asks the question. “Yes! Yes!”

Bob laughs as he stands and kisses her while sliding the ring on her finger. “Marry me Jade. We’ve known since day one we were headed here. There’s never been any doubt that you were the one for me. Even when you would tackle me. I told you when we were kids we’d be crime fighting husband and wife. Now let’s make it official. Marry me.”

Jade nods excitedly. “Yeah!” She kisses him again and starts giggling happily.

Cheers and bottles of champagne erupt around them.

“So what happens after the gala Robert?” Jade asks, leaning her back against his chest.

“What happens? Well, we go on actual dates... Not the phone or video kind. We hold hands. We kiss. And then we plan our wedding my love,” he replies, lifting her hand so they both could admire her engagement ring.

“I love you Robert.”

“I love you too, future Mrs. Floyd.”

Jade then gasps. “Did you have me plan our own engagement party making it seem like it was for the Dagger Squad?”

Bob kisses her deeply. “I love how smart you are… Mrs. Floyd.”

- -

🏷 List: @luckyladycreator2

#top gun maverick #top gun fandom #top gun fic #top gun fanfiction #robert bob floyd #robert floyd #bob floyd #top gun bob #Robert Bob Floyd x original character #Bob Floyd x original character #tgm x original character #tgm fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #mrsjaderogerswrites

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luvdsc · 4 years ago

Text

august.

Bad habits are hard to break, and you’ve made a terrible one of loving him.

pairing :: liu yangyang x reader genre :: fluff, angst ⋮ best friend + college au word count :: 10,500 words warnings :: none. playlist :: time lapse (taeyeon) ⋆ 2 kids (taemin) ⋆ daydreams (exes) ⋆ sharing you (lany) ⋆ august (taylor swift) ⋆ too close to love (will hyde) ⋆ sad stripped (lany) ⋆ strangers (taemin) ⋆ the 1 (taylor swift) author’s note :: can you believe that i literally wrote this entire 10k fic in one day aka today ??? whew this gave me the same rush that i got when i wrote my research paper in the class it was due for the day of, printed it out during break, and handed it in at the end of class :’) ↳ part of the almost collaboration series.

Liu Yangyang is jumping fences to escape late night parties, shared laughter over childhood favorite cartoons on February mornings, midnight dancing in the refrigerator light, and November kisses stolen in between the shelves of the nearby 7-Eleven. He is obscure doodles in the margins of your physics notes, good intentions laced in December’s mistakes, strawberry lemonade and broken truths wrapped in summer bliss, and September endings with honest lies.

He is your August, he is your everything, but he isn’t yours.

AUGUST 2018.

August has barely begun to fade away.

You’re eighteen years old, and you’re drunk off of your first taste of freedom, one toe already dipping into the shiny pleasures of adulthood. Your new roommate, Karina, has excitedly told you about the famous beach night themed frat party that kick starts every school year at your university. Everybody who’s anybody would be there, and your heart already races at the thought of going to your very first college party.

“Coral or blue?” Karina holds up a solid colored neon blue bikini and a striped, bright pink one for you to choose between.

“Blue.” You nod towards the first option, and she discards the other one back into the open drawer. You pull out a marigold yellow one and a black one lined with white strings, wordlessly gesturing towards them, and she immediately points to the latter.

“That one is gonna look so cute on you. Well, both would, but I love that one.”

You grin at her, silently thanking whoever decided to pair the two of you together for the random dorming. “Perfect, thanks. Do you know any of the guys hosting the party?”

“Yeah, Dejun? He’s really sweet and a year above us. I met him in the music elective I’m taking.” She turns to take off her shirt and tosses it to the side, pulling on her bikini and wriggling into a pair of ripped jean shorts. “You?”

“Kind of? Jaemin is in my project group in Intro to Engineering. He’s rushing for that frat.” You quickly change out of your outfit and into your chosen swim top and daisy dukes. You make sure to grab a pair of black flip flops from your closet. The bundle of nerves in your stomach grows as you step out of your dorm with your new friend, a bit anxious but also excited to attend your very first party.

Thank goodness for summer weather. It’s still a nice, warm 75 degrees Fahrenheit according to your weather app when you and Karina finally make your way to the frat house. The sun barely begins to set, but the party slash dayger had started earlier and is in full swing. There’s a DJ set up out front, blasting some sort of EDM music, and the lawn is absolutely covered in foam. You see the source of it shakily set up on the roof of the patio along with a couple of boys sitting up there, Hawaiian shirts barely covering their figures. You catch the eye of Jaemin, who happily waves at you from his vantage point, and you wave back at him.

“Oh my god, I love college,” Karina says, grabbing your arm excitedly as the two of you step into the foam. You reach down to pick up some of it before flicking it towards your roommate, who squeals before scooping some up and throwing it in your direction as well.

“Ready for our first shitty college drink?” You pull her through the mass of other students and towards the horribly decorated tiki bar stationed in the corner of the patio.

“Hell yeah, let’s do it.”

The two of you stumble over, still throwing handfuls of foam at each other amidst giggles before making a full stop in front of the bar. The older boy behind the makeshift counter lazily grins at you both, a shell necklace hanging loosely around his neck, and his unbuttoned orange Hawaiian shirt gives you a nice flash of his toned abs.

“Hey, I’m Johnny. What can I get for you two?”

“Two vodka shots, please.”

“Alright, ID?”

You freeze, and Karina’s grip on your arm tightens, and then Johnny laughs, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Relax, I’m just messing with you, freshie. Two vodka shots coming right up.”

He pulls out two small plastic cups and pours out the drinks for you. “How many do you want?”

“This is good for now, thanks.” You and Karina pick up the drinks, smiling a little nervously at him. He flashes another amused smile at you. “Alright, come back anytime if you want another.”

You move away from the patio, and Karina follows close behind. The two of you throw back the drinks and dispose of the empty cups quickly. The burning sensation in your throat disappears after a few seconds, and you turn to your roommate. “Should we find our friends?”

“I think I see Dejun back there! Let’s go say hi, I can introduce you to him.” Karina drags you through the rising foam, the bubbles clinging to your skin, and when you go past the DJ stand, you feel the pounding bass reverberating in your chest harder than ever. You trek past the gate and into the backyard where the foam has risen to your waist, thanks to the enclosed fences. She taps on the shoulder of a boy with the prettiest almond eyes you have ever seen, and you shyly smile at him when he greets you.

“Hey, I’m Dejun.”

Oh my god, even his voice sounds pretty. Older college boys are definitely better and hotter than high school boys. Heck, they’re better than freshman boys. Nobody wants to date a freshman dude, not even the freshman girls.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You extend your hand, but then realize how stupid that must be. You hastily start to retract your hand, but he laughs and warmly grasps your hand. Smiling at you, he shakes it firmly, squeezing your hand gently before letting go.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”

The butterflies in your stomach grow in volume as the conversation goes on, and you’re positively enamored by the end of the night. Karina had given you a look earlier before walking off with Dejun’s friend and joining the dancing crowd. With the addition of his phone number in your pocket and a promise to show you a new song he’s working on with his guitar next Friday, you’re walking on cloud nine.

“Do you want something to drink? I need a refill, and I can go grab you one,” he asks, and you’re about to offer to go with him, but then you remember the teasing upperclassman and simply agree, asking for another shot of vodka.

After he disappears, you look around, eyeing the crowd and wondering if you can spot your roommate anywhere. You bump into someone lightly and turn around to apologize. Your eyes meet a pair of curiously bright ones.

“Sorry about that, I’m looking for my roomie.”

The boy gives you a Cheshire Cat grin. He’s wearing one of those dumb Hawaiian shirts, too, and it’s unbuttoned, but he has a white T-shirt layered underneath it. “No biggie, it’s a massive party and it’s crowded. Who are you looking for?”

“Ah, I don’t know if you know her, but Karina? She went off with this dude, Kunhang, I think?”

His eyes light up at that name. “Oh, I know him! I saw him earlier by the keg stands inside. Your friend might be there, too. I can—”

“THE COPS ARE COMING!” A loud voice bellows, and you freeze up. Suddenly, the music is shut off as everyone starts running away. You start to panic, the terror rising in your chest, and the boy in front of you grabs your hand and pulls you with him. “What are you doing?! Don’t just stand there! We gotta go!”

“Wait, but Kar—” You start to object, but cut yourself off when you bump into his back as he abruptly stops. He scans the backyard, quickly assessing the situation before turning to you.

“There’s way too many people trapped in here, we’re not gonna make it to the gate. We need to climb over the fence. I’ll hoist you up, and you can help me up from there.”

“I don’t even know you,” you protest, and he throws you a look.

“Hi, I’m Yangyang, nice to meet you, I don’t want to get my ass hauled out by the police and continue the icebreakers in jail, so let’s move now. We good?”

“Yeah, okay, we’re good,” you say faintly, mind still whirling around as you try to grasp the situation. “I’m Y/N.”

“Great, now up you go.”

He immediately picks you up without any warning, and you almost fall backwards, arms flailing before you grasp the top of the fence and pull yourself up. Balancing precariously on top of it, you grab his arm, tugging him up until he’s sitting right next to you, too. The both of you swing your legs over the fence and jump down to the other side. You let out a sigh of relief, squatting down as you clutch your heart.

“Oh my god, we made it. I didn’t get arrested at my first party.”

“What an amazing accomplishment.” Yangyang brushes off the back of his shorts. “We aren’t going to jail. Freshman year is gonna be a breeze if your bar is set this low.”

“Hey!” You frown at him, standing up and crossing your arms over your chest. “How do you know I’m a freshman?”

“It’s written all over your face.” You give him a look, and he relents. “Only a freshman would be this scared of getting caught.”

“So are you an upperclassman?”

“Nah, this is my first party, too. I’m rushing for Nu Chi. Hold on, wait here.” He sneaks around the edge of the fence, peering around for a few seconds before jogging back towards you. “Okay, the police are over there. I’m gonna have to wait a while before going back in.”

“You have to go back?”

“Part of tonight’s rush process,” he sighs before turning to you. “Do you live on campus?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna walk back now,” you answer, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. “It’s late, and I’m not in a partying mood anymore.”

“I can walk you back,” he offers, and you shoot him a grateful smile.

“That’d be great, thanks.”

The two of you start the trek back, an awkward lull in the conversation making itself known. You wrap your arms around yourself, shivering slightly when a soft breeze picks up. There’s a light rustling noise, and you pay no mind to it until a soft cloth is draped over your shoulders. Eyes widening, you notice the colorful, palm tree-printed button down shirt wrapped around you and the boy next to you, looking straight ahead with his hands shoved into his pockets. Smiling to yourself, you slip on the shirt, loosely buttoning the front of it.

“So, Yangyang,” you casually begin, testing his name on your tongue for the first time. You decide you like it. It’s cute. He turns to you, raising an eyebrow, and you continue, “Since our lives are no longer in jeopardy, we can continue the icebreakers, right?”

His lips curve into a smile. “Alright, shoot. What’s your first question?”

“Captain America or Iron Man?”

“Oh, Iron Man, hands down. He’s so…”

You meet him in August.

FEBRUARY 2019.

“Hey, where’s your cereal? The Reese’s one?”

February marks six months of your relationship with Dejun. It also marks six months of your friendship with Yangyang. It is time for your weekly Sunday rituals of watching old cartoons and eating breakfast, and you could’ve sworn that box was still half full last week. You rummage through the top drawer Yangyang had designated for snacks and other foods in his dorm as he takes out the milk from his mini fridge and carries it over to his desk.

“I ran out a few days ago. There’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch somewhere in there though.”

With a victorious cry, you manage to pull out the slightly crushed box of the aforementioned cereal from underneath the packages of flamin’ hot Cheetos and spicy nacho Doritos and triumphantly bring it over to your best friend. He already pulls out two bowls (which were stolen from the dining hall) and hands over the plastic spoons in his grasp (which was also taken from the dining hall).

“Thanks.” After dropping a spoon into each bowl, you shake out the sugary cereal squares before pouring the milk because you’re not an absolute heathen who puts milk in first, like Sicheng. Yangyang clambers up to his top bunk bed, and you carefully pass over the two bowls of cereal, milk sloshing precariously near the edges. You climb up afterwards, and he gives you your bowl once you settle down.

“So, Scooby Doo or Pokémon?”

“Mm, we watched Pokémon last Sunday already, so let’s do Scooby Doo this time.” He nods in agreement, pulling up the cartoon from the queue in Netflix, and the two of you lean back against the ginormous mound of pillows and stuffed animals of his that occupy nearly half of his bed.

You’re shoveling a spoonful of cereal into your mouth when he casually asks, “So how’re you and Dejun doing?”

Choking slightly, you quickly swallow. “We’re doing good. I think he booked a table at the Italian restaurant down the street for Valentine’s Day. Are you doing anything for Valentine’s?”

“I’m forcing Renjun to come watch that “‘Happy Death Day’ movie with me.” The faint sounds of the Scooby Doo theme song plays in the background as you hum in acknowledgement, mouth twisting into a mischievous smirk.

“That’s so sweet. So who confessed to who? Not gonna lie, I thought you had a crush on Hyuck, not Jun.”

“... I would shove you right now, but I just did my laundry, and rewashing my comforter is expensive and I’m out of quarters.”

You stick your tongue out at him, and he rolls his eyes before lifting his bowl up to sip the best part of having Cinnamon Toast Crunch: the milk infused with all the cinnamony, sugary goodness. You let your spoon fall back into your bowl with a soft clink, a sudden worrying thought popping into your head.

“I bought him some customized guitar picks and a pretty composition book. Do you think he’ll like it?”

“That’s a pretty basic gift, isn’t it? It feels like something Kun would get him,” he teases, but his heart falls when he notices you chewing on your bottom lip, spoon held limply in your hand.

“Hey, I’m just joking, of course he would like it. He’s completely whipped. He’ll love anything from you.” Yangyang’s voice grows softer, and he fiddles with a stray thread on his comforter, avoiding eye contact with you. “I know I would.”

He looks up slightly and sees you smiling gratefully at him, eyes shining bright. He quickly ducks his head, turning away slightly to hide the hues of pink blooming on his cheeks. He feels you leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder with a quiet sigh, and his breath hitches in his throat.

“Thanks, Yang.”

Replaying the sight of your smile in his mind makes his stomach flip flop, and he resists the overwhelming urge to tell you you’re pretty, pushing it back into the farthest crevice of his mind. Your head on his shoulder makes him feel like he’s carrying the entire world, and he doesn’t know what to do. He paints on a tight smile of his own, silently hoping you can’t hear the way his heart nearly pounds out of his chest.

Yangyang knows that having feelings for his best friend, specifically one of his good friends’ girlfriends, is something he absolutely should not be doing, but he can’t help it. His stupid heart refuses to listen to his brain. For now, all he can do is desperately hope that this dumb crush of his goes away soon because while 99% of his friends are oblivious (including you), Ten and Donghyuck are not. They’ll be able to spot his feelings from a mile away, like how Kun always knows when there’s a good sale going on at the Asian supermarket downtown (This week, it was the 50% off bean sprouts and chili paste).

Letting out an inaudible sigh, Yangyang carefully rests his head on top of yours. Clutching the empty bowl with one hand, he shoves his other one under his thigh to stop himself from reaching over and tangling his fingers with yours. He stares at the screen, watching until the bright colors blur together.

“Anytime.”

He likes you in February.

AUGUST 2019.

The earth spins around the sun for another time, and August makes its presence known once again. It’s Thursday night, and you’re sitting on the countertop in Nu Chi Theta’s kitchen, swinging your legs back and forth as Yangyang struggles to make some scrambled eggs because the half filled carton of eggs the two of you managed to find is the only thing that isn’t expired (besides Jeno’s protein shakes, but neither of you are gonna touch that cardboard tasting monstrosity).

“Maybe I should make it.” You peer over at the frying pan, wincing when you see the full damage of your future meal. “Did you use oil?”

“Of course I did!” he exclaims indignantly before pitifully pushing around the nearly charred mess of yolk and whites around with his spatula. “I’m not Mark.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” you mutter, waving your hand around to dissipate the acrid burning smell, and Yangyang throws you a dirty look. He grabs a fork and stabs a small chunk of the eggs. Picking it up, he brings it closer to his mouth before hesitating. His eyes dart to you, and you raise your eyebrows at him, a silent challenge in your gaze. The sad piece of egg hovers in the air for a few more seconds before he defeatedly drops it back into the pan.

“Okay, what if we just Uber Eats some McDonald’s?” Turning off the stove, he then tosses the remnants of his cooking into the trash and drops the pan into the sink.

“Stellar plan. Best idea you’ve had all night.” You hop off the counter to stand next to him, propping your chin on his shoulder to see him pull up the app. He immediately puts in your usual order along with his before holding it up for you to see it better.

“Looks good?”

“Looks perfect.”

He clicks the confirmation button, and the delivery is set to come in 30 minutes. You’re suddenly hyper aware of how close you are with your chest pressed against his back and hastily move away, warmth spreading across your cheeks.

Glancing over at your best friend, you don't miss the way Yangyang smiles down at something on his phone before his fingers fly across the screen. When he looks up, you immediately turn away, focusing your eyes on anything but him.

“Hey, you’re going to the Alpha Sig formal, right?” Yangyang calls out, and you throw on a teasing grin.

“You mean Alpha Sigma Psi, also known as the sorority I’m in?”

“Ah, right, yeah.” He flushes, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “But you’re going, right?”

You nod, the sudden realization creeping up on you. “Oh yeah, I am, thanks for reminding me. I completely forgot to ask, but do you want t—”

“Ningning just asked me to go with her,” Yangyang blurts out, and you freeze, failing to hide your shock for a split second before you regain your composure.

“Oh wow, that’s great, Yang! I’ll see you there then.” You try to give him a convincing smile. He wrings his hands, biting his bottom lip. Something is on his mind. You can tell. He’s not someone to hold back with his words, but this time, he is.

“I… I don’t know if I’m gonna go,” he says at last. Your heart picks up a little at that. Does that mean he doesn’t want to go to the dance at all? Or does he not want to go with Ningning? If you asked him now, would it make a difference?

“I’ve never slow danced,” he confesses, leaning against the opposite counter, and your heart drops. So that was it. Of course, he wouldn’t reject Ningning. She’s an absolute goddess, heck, you wouldn’t say no if she asked you either. You stamp out that last flicker of hope.

“What if I suck at it?” he continues, absentmindedly carding his fingers through his hair. “Oh god, I bet Yukhei and Kunhang are never gonna let me live it down. I can do choreographed dances, but I’m gonna mess up over a stupid slow dance. But where am I supposed to put my hands?! Like on her shoulders? Her waist? Do I hold her hand?”

Your eyes follow the way his hair ruffles slightly, and you wonder if it’s as soft as it looks. You swallow hard before saying quietly, “I can teach you?”

His hand pauses mid-movement, and your eyes fly down to meet his. His eyes widen, and he contemplates your offer for a split second before nodding excitedly. “Yeah, that’d be great! Can you teach me right now? While we wait for our food to come!”

“S-sure,” you stammer, flustered at the sudden acceptance and his eagerness. “Um, here? In the kitchen?”

“Yeah, why not?” He shrugs before straightening up. “The lights should be dimmed, right? We can kind of mimic that here to set the mood or whatever.”

He goes over and fiddles with the light switch, flicking it on and off, and you laugh, walking over and placing your hand over his. “What are you doing? Some kind of Kevin Nguyen mating call to look for a rave bae?”

“First off, I’m offended that you think I’d be one of them,” Yangyang narrows his eyes at you. “Secondly, I’m trying to make this feel more formal dance-y. Oh, wait!”

He turns off the lights for the last time and reaches over to pull open the refrigerator doors, the artificial fluorescent light pouring out and mixing with the faint beams coming in through the window from the street lamps outside. He grins at you, satisfied. “Romantic, huh?”

You roll your eyes, but the amused smile on your face gives away your true feelings. “Wow, Romeo, you swept me off my feet. The food is gonna go bad, and Kun is gonna kill you for the high electricity bill.”

“What food? Jeno’s protein shakes probably never expire.” He snorts before standing closer to you, his hands resting on either side of you on the counter. You can see the pretty gold flecks in his irises, and your breath gets caught in your throat. “And I guess this means you gotta teach me fast before we waste more electricity, right?”

You place your hands on his chest and lightly push him away, and he laughs, stepping back. You let out a shaky breath, remembering that your lungs need oxygen in order to, you know, continue living.

“Okay,” you clear your throat before pulling out your phone and putting on a slow song. “Ready?”

“You chose Ed Sheeran? Thinking Out Loud? Really?”

You raise your hands up defensively. “Hey, he’s the king of sappy slow songs that all girls want to be played at their weddings for their first dance.”

When your legs don't work like they used to before,

And I can't sweep you off of your feet,

Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?

Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

“Is this the song you want played at your wedding?” He raises an eyebrow at you, and your face grows warm. You ignore the question, and this time, you’re the one taking a bold step forward, a few centimeters now separating you and your best friend. You see his Adam’s apple bob as he gulps lightly before meeting your eyes.

And darling, I will be loving you 'til we're seventy,

And baby, my heart could still fall as hard at twenty-three,

And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways.

“So, your hands go here.” You take his hands and place them on either side of your waist. His arms freeze up. “Relax, Yang. Precious cargo here.”

He lets out a chuckle, loosening his grip as he starts to relax. You reach up and slide your arms around his neck, interlocking your fingers. You gaze back at him, saying softly, “Now pull me closer.”

He does so.

Maybe just the touch of a hand,

Oh me I fall in love with you every single day,

And I just wanna tell you I am.

“And now follow my lead. We’re going to take one step. And then another. We’re just slowly turning in a circle.”

After a few spins and steps, you stop leading and let yourself be led. Yangyang continues to hold onto you carefully, and you can hear him muttering a 1, 2, 3, 4 count under his breath until he finally gets the hang of it. He grows a little braver, pulling you even closer.

So honey now,

Take me into your loving arms,

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars.

“Are you going with Dejun?” he asks quietly, and you stiffen at the mention at him before shaking your head.

“No, we broke up in July.”

Yangyang falters in his step before recovering. “Oh. You never told me.”

“Yeah.” You struggle to keep your voice level. “I just… he’s your friend, and I didn’t want to make it weird.”

“You’re my best friend though,” he says firmly, looking you directly in the eyes. His grip on your waist tightens. “It’s his loss. That dumbass just lost the best person who’ll ever come into his life.”

You give him a tired half smile, one that doesn’t quite meet your eyes. He hugs you closer to him, wrapping his arms around your waist and securing you against his chest. You rest your head in the crook of his neck and hope that he doesn’t feel how quickly your heart beats in your chest.

Place your head on my beating heart,

I'm thinking out loud,

Maybe we found love right where we are.

“Thanks, Yang,” you whisper, your breath tickling his skin. He envelops you tightly, and the two of you continue to spin in slow circles, quietly dancing in the refrigerator light as the remaining verses of the song warble in the background.

You think you finally understand what Dejun meant when he said he’s breaking up with you because your heart was already occupied by someone else.

You fall in love with him in August.

NOVEMBER 2019.

[ 12:54 a.m. ] yang 🐏🤪: hey you up?

[ 12:54 a.m. ] yang 🐏🤪: 7/11 in ten mins?

Tiredly rubbing your eyes, you stumble out of your dorm building, one of Jeno’s sweaters draped over your figure. November nights are cold, but this one seems chillier than usual. Yangyang stands near the front steps, and he stiffens up when he notices whose hoodie you’re wearing. He makes no mention of it though when you join him.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” He glances over to you as the two of you walk side by side to the small convenience store just on the edge of campus. You shake your head, shoving your hands into the front pocket of your sweater.

“I was up cramming for midterms. I could use a break anyway,” you shrug. A wisp of your hair falls in your face, and Yangyang starts to reach out to fix it, but forces himself to keep his hand by his side. You reach out to carelessly brush it away, tucking it behind your ear.

“What about you?” You look over at him, noting the bags under his eyes. “Rough night?”

He smiles tiredly at you, shoving his hands into his pockets as he kicks a stray pebble along the sidewalk. “More like rough week. Two more midterms left, and they’re for electromagnetic theory and linear systems.”

“Oh god, good luck. I took linear systems today, and it was absolutely brutal.” You wince, brightening up when you see the familiar neon orange, red, and green lights up ahead.

“Maybe I should just withdraw and take it again next quarter,” your best friend grumbles, kicking the stone as far as he possibly can.

“You really want another quarter with Hwang?”

“You’re right,” he sighs, “I just need to get a C+ to maintain my GPA. C if I’m pushing it.”

The two of you hurry over to the 7-Eleven, quickening your pace, until you reach the store doors, and you pull them open. Entering quickly, you push the door open slightly wider, and Yangyang slips in behind you. The cashier doesn’t even look up, texting away on his phone. You make a beeline towards the chips aisle, grabbing a bag of flamin’ hot Cheetos and a pack of sour gummy worms.

“What are you getting, Yang?” You call out over your shoulder, eyes zeroing in on the Red Bull stand at the end of the aisle. When you hear no response, you halt in your steps, turning around. Yangyang stands in the middle of the aisle, looking dazed under the fluorescent lights.

Putting your items back on the shelf, you approach him, reaching out and touching his arm gently. “Yangyang, what’s wrong?”

He jerks back before silently holding up his phone for you to see. There’s a slew of text messages from Ningning a few hours ago, and a quick scan tells you all you need to know. Your heart weighs heavily in your chest when you look back at him, a forlorn expression on his face.

“She dumped me,” he says quietly, shoving the phone back into his pocket. “She said our relationship was like a friendship. She didn’t feel anything. She said we could still be friends if I wanted to be though.”

He jabs a large bag of Lays potato chips angrily as his voice raises slightly higher. “But I don’t get it. Do friends take each other on dates? Do friends spend the night? Do friends hug each other and hold hands walking to class? Do friends spend three hundred dollars to do a surprise weekend trip for their birthday?”

He whirls around to face you, and he’s so close that you can see those pretty golden sparkles in his eyes again. Suddenly, his hands are cupping your face, and the next thing you know, he’s kissing you. Your eyes widen for a fraction of a second before they flutter shut, and you press your lips against his. The 90s pop station music playing overhead seems to fade away, and all you can focus on is that your best friend tastes like spearmint gum and grape soju. He pulls away abruptly, the realization of what he’s done finally hitting him as his chest heaves up and down.

“Do friends kiss like this?”

His voice is barely a whisper, but it cuts through the silence. You feel like you’re spinning out of control, a split second from careening and crashing.

“No, we—they don’t,” you mumble, and Yangyang sees the starstruck look in your eyes, and he wants to apologize: to say sorry for kissing you. But he doesn’t. Because for some reason, he doesn’t feel sorry. He closes his eyes, curling his hands into fists before exhaling slowly. He sees you looking back at him this time, and he wonders if you feel as equally lost as he does.

Because you’re right. Friends don’t kiss each other like that. Friends don’t feel like this about each other.

He kisses you in November.

AUGUST 2020.

The sun still shines bright late into the day, and August greets you like an old friend. You’re absentmindedly doodling in the margins of your notebook designated for Quantum Mechanics. Yangyang sits next to you in the lecture hall, making a bunch of origami cranes before tossing them at Renjun’s head right in front of him. When the bird reaches its target for the sixth time in a row, the annoyed boy whirls around in his seat, glaring at your best friend.

“Stop that,” he hisses, and Yangyang innocently raises his hands in the air. Renjun angrily frowns at him before turning back around in his seat. After a few minutes, Yangyang flicks another crane towards his friend. If this was a cartoon, you would see steam blowing out of your friend’s ears. You silently watch as he wordlessly picks up his phone, seething as he presses on a particular number.

Suddenly, Travis Scott’s SICKO MODE starts blasting, amplified by the large auditorium-like room. The professor goes silent, and everyone turns to see Yangyang scrambling to pick up his phone. He fumbles around for a few seconds with it before finally shutting it off and putting it on vibrate mode. Cheeks burning red, he meekly puts his phone back in his bag and squeaks out a “sorry” before sinking down in his chair (You can see the culprit grinning like the cat ate the canary right in front of him. Karma’s a bitch who also goes by the name of Renjun).

You pat his arm consolingly as he sulks next to you for a few minutes, mouth jutting out into a pout. You decide to take pity on him and lean closer to him, whispering quietly, “Would it make you feel better if I bought you boba after class?”

Immediately, he brightens up. “One oolong milk tea, half sugar with white pearls and coconut jelly?”

“Yes, I’ll pay for your overpriced drink,” you huff, thinking about how his one seven dollar drink could buy you a whole rotisserie chicken that’ll last you a week. At least the fluffy dog at Cloudy with a Chance of Boba is cute and fun to play with. “I’ll even get the honey waffle fries.”

“Heck yeah!” he whisper-yells, fist pumping quietly before he suddenly deflates. “Wait, I can’t. I promised Lia I’d get lunch with her.”

Ah, right, there’s Lia now. Yangyang’s new girlfriend: the only other student who went to Düsseldorf, Germany to study abroad over the summer, and inevitably, the two of them became close. All you really know about her is that she’s pretty, she’s in Iota Theta Zeta, and she followed you on Instagram a few weeks ago (of course, you followed her back because of the unspoken best friend and girlfriend policy).

Her page looks carefully curated, and there’s a common pink tinted theme going on throughout her feed. She has over a thousand followers, and it seems like Yangyang fits perfectly in her magazine curated life, judging by how he occupies nearly every picture taken in the summer with her or how he’s tagged as the photographer. You can’t deny that they look good together, pointedly shoving the green eyed monster back under the bed.

You take a peek at your messy Instagram page where you only post pictures when you’re half drunk, so there’s no semblance of uniformity anywhere. You shrug at him, pocketing your phone.

“No biggie. I’ll see if Karina is up for some boba. She’s been holed up in the dance studio already, and it’s only week two of classes, can you believe it?”

“I remember Ten was the same way,” Yangyang hums, eyes fixated on his phone and fingers tapping away. He laughs quietly, lips curling into a pretty smile, and you glance over curiously.

“What’s so funny?”

“Hmm?” Yangyang finally tears his eyes away from his screen for a split second to look at you before another buzz takes his attention away. He’s distracted, lovestruck, and you wistfully smile before turning back to your notes.

“Sorry, what’d you say earlier?” he loudly whispers a few minutes later, and you barely glance up from the large bulbasaur doodle you’re in the progress of completing right next to the chart marking the wave functions for a bouncing ball that you had copied down from the blackboard.

“Oh, I just asked what was so funny,” you murmur, coloring in the flowers you drew around the Pokémon with your blue ballpoint pen.

He looks confused for a moment before lighting up. “Oh! It was just a German joke. It’s not really funny if I translate it though.”

“Got it, no worries.” You notice the professor starting a new example problem, and you abandon your drawing, focusing on the formulas rapidly filling up the chalkboards in front of you. A quiet chuckle echoes in your ears, and you pause in your note taking to look over and see your best friend still typing on his phone. You make a mental reminder to create a copy of your notes for him later on when you pass the library on the way to the dining hall.

“Hey, Y/N.” Yangyang nudges you gently. “Rain check on the boba?”

You offer him a soft smile. “Of course. Anytime.”

He gives you a quick grin in return before his attention returns to the device in his hand—or rather, the pretty girl behind those texts. Your best friend is sitting right next to you, but you’ve never felt so far away. You know distance makes the heart grow fonder, but you don’t think it’s possible to be even fonder of him than you are now. Bad habits are hard to break, and you’ve made a terrible one of loving him. No wonder it’s beginning to hurt so much.

You lose him in August.

DECEMBER 2020.

December is the coldest month of the year, yet it is also simultaneously the warmest with all the holiday festivities it brings. If Yangyang were to choose a month to describe you, it’d be this one. You are a walking paradox, a conundrum he might never solve, an oxymoron come to life. He doesn’t understand how you can be his best friend, yet feel like a stranger; a friend who he wants as a lover; someone who has created such an impact in his life, but disappears seamlessly here and there.

He wonders when you’ve gotten so distant. He wonders why he never noticed the way you seemed to slip away through the cracks until it’s now nearing the end of the year, and the last time he’s seen you in person was before the November autumn break.

But you’re here.

You’re standing right next to the punch bowl filled with spiked eggnog, wearing a garish knitted button down jumper with brightly colored Christmas lights decorating it. It’s perfectly in theme with the Ugly Christmas Sweater party Nu Chi is holding, and Yangyang is beyond ecstatic to know that you’re attending. He had texted you an invite two weeks ago, and you merely reacted with a thumbs up.

Yangyang swears he was going to follow up with you on that, but he got so caught up with midterms, then meeting Lia’s family for Thanksgiving, then studying for finals, and then finally, preparing for this party. Buying enough beer for twenty-three keg stands is a lot more difficult than it seems (Donghyuck’s car broke down halfway during one trip, and they all had to carry back the packs of beers to the house in 40 degree weather in their Sperry boat shoes and Patagonia long sleeves that definitely weren’t cut out for this kind of weather).

His girlfriend is somewhere in the room, wearing the other half of the reindeer sweater she forced him to put on, but all he can focus on is you. He hurriedly makes his way over, skidding to a stop in front of you, and you’re startled before a smile spreads across your face.

“Hey, you, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You grin at him, reaching out to poke the reindeer tail sticking out from the front of his itchy sweater (Lia got to wear the head half of the reindeer, while he was stuck with the behind).

“Yeah, how have you been?” He reaches around you to pick up a cup and pour himself some eggnog. He offers you one, but you decline with a small shake of your head.

“I’ve been doing good, a bit tired with finals coming up, but what’s new?” You joke, grabbing one of the sugar cookies from the table. You’re secretly surprised that they actually have real food (No, Hyuck, Jell-O shots do not count as real food). You suspect Jaemin has something to do with it. He always contributes to the annual Greek row bake sale.

“Are you here with someone? Did Karina come?” he asks, curiosity coating every word. He looks around for your roommate, but she’s nowhere to be found.

You shake your head. “No, I actually came with—”

“Me!”

Yukhei bounds over, slipping an arm over your shoulder. He hands you a new cup of apple cider, which you accept gratefully. He grins happily at Yangyang, who freezes up at the sight of his tall friend. “I asked her to be my date for the party, and she agreed. She also made our sweaters! Aren’t they so cool? There’s even lights that spell my name and play Christmas songs. She did a bunch of cool programming tricks to make them work.”

Yangyang realizes with a start that the two of you are indeed wearing matching sweaters, and that leaves a rather sour taste in his mouth (and it definitely wasn’t because of expired eggnog). The corners of his lips tilt downward as he presses his lips together tightly.

“So… you two are together?” He gestures between you and Yukhei with a forced laugh. Jealousy never did look good on anybody, and unfortunately, he’s not an exception.

“We’re just seeing each other and seeing how it goes for now,” you answer quietly, noting the way your best friend reacts. You have always been good at reading him, and you tread carefully now, not wanting to make a scene. Drunk Yangyang never holds anything back, and he’s had quite a few pre-game shots already (It definitely doesn’t help that he’s a lightweight, too).

“I see. How did you guys meet? Or I guess, start talking?” He attempts to look intimidating, staring down at Yukhei, but it’s a difficult feat to accomplish, especially when he’s trying to stare down a six foot guy who’s more like an overgrown puppy and his friend.

“Oh, she came by for one of your boba runs, but you were still out with Lia. So I asked if I could go with her.” Yukhei flashes his pearly whites at you, and you chuckle, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“I said yes, and we hit it off, I guess.”

“You guess? And you took him on our boba runs?”

“You were out with Lia,” you say defensively, and he blanches when he hears his girlfriend’s name come out of your mouth.

“You could’ve waited,” he mutters, but you still hear it, and you give him a scathing look, finally too tired of this push and pull game that’s been going on behind the scenes for nearly three years now.

“I did. I waited over an hour here for you, but you didn’t show up or even text me that you were gonna be late. Yukhei was nice enough to offer to go with me.”

He stays silent, and you gnaw on your bottom lip, unsure of what to say next. Yukhei looks at you in concern, but you reach up and squeeze his hand reassuringly, which your best friend doesn’t fail to notice, his lips pressing into an even thinner line.

“I don’t understand what the deal is,” you finally burst out, startling both boys. “What’s the big deal about me and Yukhei going out?”

Something inside of him finally snaps. “The big deal is that you’re basically sleeping through my list of friends and then breaking up with them! First Dejun, then Jeno, now Yukhei? Who’s next? Should I give Renjun a heads up? Pencil you into his planner? Or Sicheng? Sungchan? You have a class with him, so you’re bound to flirt with him, too, right? When are you gonna stop fucking around with my frien—”

He gasps, stopping mid-outburst as he stares at you in disbelief. Apple cider slides down from his hair, dripping onto his face and soaking into his sweater, the sticky juice clinging to his skin uncomfortably. You’re absolutely seething, the empty cup crackling in your clenched fist. Shocked, Yukhei carefully tugs the plastic away from you and places it on the table before replacing it with his own hand, his thumb caressing circles on the back of your hand soothingly. Yangyang doesn’t dare to meet his furious gaze, lifting his chin to look at you instead. The entire room has hushed down by now, all eyes staring directly at the three of you in a mixture of surprise and slight terror.

“Screw you, Yangyang,” you say lowly, voice shaking with anger. Tears form on the edge of your waterline, but you blink them away before hastily brushing a stray droplet from your cheek. “They asked me out. I said yes. We went out. It didn’t work out. We move on. Just like how you’ve gone out with my friends. And they didn’t work out, so you moved on. So what’s so wrong about that? What’s so wrong about trying again to find love?”

He can’t answer you, curling his hands into fists until his fingernails indent miniature crescents in his palms—until the pain overtakes the feelings that are threatening to spill from his heart. Yangyang may not be yours, but he doesn’t like the fact that he can’t call you his either.

Love. That’s what you want, that’s what you crave, but not if it’s from him. So what is he supposed to do with love that’s unwanted? It’s bursting at the seams, and he has nowhere to hide it anymore.

He loves you in December.

AUGUST 2021.

August sneaks up on you this time around, and you find yourself in Kunhang’s apartment. All of your close friends are here, starting the last year of youth with one final first day party. You think back to that day three years ago: when your eyes met a pair of equally bright ones for the first time.

Curled up next to Yukhei on the couch, you look across the room and meet those very same eyes, although they seem hazier this time around. Lia is wrapped around his arm, and you think it’s quite ironic how both your and his relationships remain the same after all this time. Perhaps you both were bad luck for each other, leading to the other’s demise with short lived relationships. He looks away from you.

The rules of truth or dare are simple. You cannot ask the same person again until three other people have been asked first, and no one can be asked more than three times in each round. And, for reasons you can’t understand, everyone seems to take the code of truth seriously.

“I’ll start,” Kunhang announces, leaning back in one of the several beanbags he has in his place. “Goeun, truth or dare?”

Goeun sighs, leaning back on the palms of her hands. “Dare.”

“You and Mark, seven minutes in heaven.” Hendery points towards the coat closet, and the immediate reaction of hoots and wolf whistles has the girl rolling her eyes. With an exasperated huff, she stands up and pulls a red faced Mark along with her.

“Wait, you gotta pick the next person!” Donghyuck calls out, and she stops in her tracks, throwing open the closet door and shrugging. “You can choose for me.”

With that, she and Mark disappear behind the door, and Donghyuck turns toward the rest of the group, eyes glimmering mischievously. You pay no attention to him, absentmindedly playing with Yukhei’s fingers. You tug one of his rings off his finger, and he smiles, plucking it from your grasp carefully before holding your hand. He carefully slides it onto your right ring finger, but it falls off. Grinning, he pretends to try it on every single one of your fingers until finally settling on your thumb. The ring fits snugly there, and you admire it, wriggling your thumb around.

“Well, look at that. It fits you. I think that means we’re meant to be,” Yukhei says, smiling broadly, and you laugh, interlocking your fingers with his again before glancing down at the silver engraved band resting on your finger. The weight of the metal feels heavy resting against your knuckle.

“Yangyang, truth or dare.”

Donghyuck’s voice cuts through your thoughts, and you instinctively perk up in your seat at the sound of his name before freezing up in your spot. Yukhei squeezes your hand softly, and you tighten your grip around his fingers.

“Truth.”

“You’re no fun,” Donghyuck sighs, slouching back against the armrest. Yukhei leans over and whispers something in his ear before settling back next to you, shifting slightly to wrap his arm around you. Donghyuck lifts an eyebrow at your boyfriend before shrugging. “Okay, here’s an easy one. Are you in love…”

“Yes.” is his immediate response, and you notice how Lia absolutely preens next to him.

“… with Y/N?”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and you immediately turn your head to look at Yukhei, your eyes growing wide in horror. He looks apologetic, shoulders drooping. “I’m sorry, but just the way he looks at you, it’s so obvious, and I had to know.”

You whip around to face the boy in question. With bated breath, you look at him, but Yangyang stares at the center of the floor, struggling internally. Everyone is quiet, and it reminds you of the calm before a storm. At last, he looks up, gazing right at you, and you can almost swear that you see those pretty little gold flecks in his irises from here.

“Yes,” Yangyang confesses quietly.

There’s almost a collective gasp rippling through the room, and Yukhei lets out an inaudible swear under his breath. Your grip on his hand grows slack as you fumble to get a grasp on the entire situation.

He loves you. He loves you. He loves you.

The words echo in your mind like a mantra until it grows so loud that you can’t hear any of your own thoughts anymore. Lia is in absolute hysterics, demanding an explanation from him, but he merely shrugs her off. Standing up, he quickly moves to leave the room, glancing at you one more time before disappearing out the front door.

It’s like your body is on auto-pilot after this. You drop Yukhei’s hand, immediately standing up and rushing after your best friend, paying no mind to the hushed whispers that only seem to increase in volume once you leave. You step out onto the porch, and there he is, sitting on the steps.

You quietly stand behind him, contemplating what to say and carefully choosing your next words. But there’s only one question on your mind.

“Why did you say that?”

He stays silent for a moment, staring out at the moon shining brightly ahead. “Because I meant it.”

Your heart wrenches in your chest. “You shouldn’t.”

He finally turns to look at you, an indescribable look in his eyes. It reminds you of heartbreak. “But I do. And I tried not to for the past three fucking years, but I can’t anymore.”

“Since freshman year?” You feel the tears well up in your eyes, and this time, you let them go. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Yangyang grips onto the edge of the stairs tightly, frustration ringing with every word that falls from his mouth. “Because I was scared. And I thought you never felt the same way. You’re my best friend, and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Yang…” You whisper, hand reaching out as you let it hover over his shoulder for a few seconds. Then, you pull back, curling your fingers into fists, pressing crescent indentations into the palms of your hands.

He stands up, whirling around to look at you, desperate. “Tell me I’m not too late. Please, Y/N.”

Something inside of you breaks. You open your mouth and start to say something when the door opens behind you. Turning around, you see Yukhei. His eyes widen when he sees the two of you standing there.

You know this is it. This is the moment. This is where you have to decide.

“I, I was just looking for you. I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” Yukhei awkwardly rubs the back of his neck, taking a step back. “I’m sorry, I’m gonna go back in and—”

“No, wait, it’s okay,” you gently interrupt him. You reach out and slip your hand into his, and he relaxes, giving you a relieved smile. You smile softly back at your boyfriend before turning to face him, eyes apologetic.

“I’m sorry, Yangyang.”

He and you are asymptotes: two lines curving towards each other, but never touching; two hands reaching towards each other, but never interlocking; two people tangling their red strings of fate, but never tying.

You give him one last glance before going back inside with Yukhei.

You break his heart in August.

SEPTEMBER 2021.

September is supposed to be a new beginning: the transition from summer to autumn. Yangyang doesn’t think he can let go of you as easily as the trees shed their green for gold and red. Wherever he goes, wherever he looks, little reminders of you bloom in every crevice. You’re absolutely everywhere and nowhere, and it drives him crazy.

He thinks he’s gone completely insane when he hears your laugh while he’s walking to the laundromat one day. He shoves his airpods in and continues on his way until he sees you. Walking across the street, there you are. You’re on the phone with someone, and he contemplates going over to say hello. But suddenly, you’re hanging up the phone and waving eagerly at someone. When he turns his head to look, his heart drops and gets buried six feet under. He hurriedly ducks into a nearby bookstore and watches as you run up to Yukhei, slipping your hand into his like it’s second nature to you now. The two of you walk off together, and Yangyang is left standing at the window of the store until the shop owner politely asks if there’s anything he needs.

He doubts a time machine is something they have in stock, so he silently shakes his head and steps out onto the street once again. It is now silent and empty.

He loses you in September.

AUGUST 2022.

A lot can change in eleven months.

You’re twenty two years old, but you feel like you’re eighteen again. You know you’re going to see him for the first time since September at Kun’s housewarming. You had repeatedly assured Yukhei that you’d be fine. After all, life goes on; the world doesn’t stop just because you had a falling out with your best friend, even if it may have been a little more than that. Nevertheless, a year has nearly passed. Time is known to be the best healer, and perhaps your heart has shed its old skin and habits.

Your hand is safely enveloped in Yukhei’s, and the two of you walk towards your older friend’s new apartment. He playfully swings your interlocked hands back and forth, and you giggle, tightening your grip around his fingers. You stop in front of the door, the muffled sounds of a party slipping through the cracks. You suck in a breath, shoulders tensed. He’s in there.

“Are you okay?”

Yukhei squeezes your hand gently, voice laced with concern. You remember to breathe, exhaling slowly and relaxing before nodding. You smile up at him. “I’m okay.”

“If you want, we can go back home now, have another NCIS marathon, and drink this by ourselves.” Yukhei waves around the nice bottle of wine the two of you had brought for Kun. “We can even stop by the convenience store and get some ramen.”

You laugh quietly, the corners of your lips upturning with mirth. “It’s okay, I’m fine, Yukhei, I promise. Plus, I have you, right?”

He brightens up at that, practically beaming at you, and your heart skips a beat. “Right!”

You reach out and knock on the door. Kun greets the two of you, and you enter his apartment. Yukhei still doesn’t let go of your hand, and you follow behind him as you weave your way through the living room, greeting some of your friends. You hear Kunhang calling out to your boyfriend from the kitchen and feel him hesitate next to you. You squeeze his hand gently before letting go and nudging him in the direction of his friend. Yukhei gives you one last look, but you wave him off, smiling goodnaturedly and silently assuring that you’re okay. He swoops down and leaves behind a soft kiss for you before going.

You walk over to the alcohol table, pouring yourself something to drink. Leaning against the wall, you take a sip of your drink, your eyes flitting over the rim of your cup and slowly scanning the room. It feels like forever, like everything is moving in slow motion, like the world is submerged underwater, but it couldn’t have been more than a few seconds.

You find him easily. After all, it’s hard to forget someone whose features you’ve memorized over the past four years. Your eyes map the delicate outline of his face once more, and for a moment, you wonder if red is still his favorite color, or who he shares a carton of Ben and Jerry’s with nowadays. You wonder if he thinks of you sometimes, too.

But then, you wonder where Yukhei is. You search around until you see your boyfriend still standing in the kitchen, laughing at something your mutual friend said. Your eyes soften when you see him grab your favorite snack. You turn back around, your heart swelling in your chest tenfold, and your lips curl upwards, an endeared expression on your face.

That’s when you notice that he’s looking at you.

You brace yourself, waiting for the tidal wave of emotions to wash over you and the quickening of your heart rate to greet you like an old friend. Because that’s what always happens when you’re around him. After all, he is the biggest what-if in your life. He is someone you almost loved forever, someone you almost stayed for.

And yet, nothing happens. You wait a little longer. The world still goes round, and you’re still breathing. There’s no shortness of breath, no erratic heart palpitations, no sweaty palms, absolutely nothing. Liu Yangyang is a stranger in a familiar body, and your heart remains still.

You give Yangyang a faint smile, nodding towards him, and it feels like a sudden jolt in his heart. Time stops, and all he can see is you. You look beautiful. You have always been beautiful. This is his chance. Whatever higher entity out there has taken pity on him and given him a second try to make it right. He finally takes a step towards you, and the tender, encouraging expression in your eyes gives him the strength to take another one. After all, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Clutching his drink in hand, he pushes his way through the crowd. He’s only eight, seven, six, five steps away from you now. A smile grows on his face as relief curls around his heart like a bandage. You’re standing there, waiting for him, smiling at him.

And suddenly, you’re no longer looking at him.

You stopped looking at him.

Yukhei makes his presence known next to you, excitedly chattering about something and gesturing towards the kitchen as he hands you something to eat. It’s a snickerdoodle cookie. Your favorite. Your eyes are fixated on the tall boy, positively sparkling as you beam at him.

Yangyang feels like he can’t breathe. The bandage is ripped off, and all he can feel is excruciating pain like a thousand pinpricks into his heart before the numbness hits. He freezes, rooting himself in that spot on the scratched hardwood floor as his colleagues and friends continue to jostle around him. As his world crumbles around him, he can’t tear his eyes away from you. They stay on you, the barest traces of nostalgia lingering in the dimmed golden flecks of his irises that you had still admired all those months ago. It’s like he’s trapped in a silent film, stuck in a fish bowl and swimming in circles, and he watches in horror as you outstretch your hand and intertwine your fingers around Yukhei’s, leaning up to press your lips against his tenderly. Your boyfriend looks at you like you hung the stars in the night sky yourself (He would believe it if you said you did).

You don’t look at him like that anymore.

Yangyang remembers when you used to. When you used to love him. When you were almost his. He feels something inside of him break for a second time.

The world continues to spin, and yet, he’s still not moving. He’s stuck in quicksand, sinking deeper and deeper as everyone around him moves on—as you move on. He desperately tries to keep you in his view, and his feet finally pick up as he lurches forward. He’s not fast enough. You’re slipping away, walking away from him, hand in hand with Yukhei, disappearing around the corner of the hallway, and he can’t do anything about it. It’s too late. He’s too late. The sticky remnants of cheap beer run down his wrist, and it finally registers in his mind that he had crushed the flimsy plastic cup in his hand sometime in between now and then. In a crowded room full of people, he’s left standing there, alone and lonely.

Almost is the worst way to love someone, Yangyang bitterly realizes. It hurts to lose someone you almost love. No, it was never an ‘almost’. He most certainly loved—loves—you. And it should be impossible to lose someone who was never his to begin with, yet he has. All this time, he thought he had you, but it had always been the other way around.

He was your August, he was your everything, and he is yours.

But you will never be his.

You let go of him in August.

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ravenclaw-daydreams · 3 years ago

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𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐨 | 𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐑𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐧𝐞𝐫

Warnings: mention of assassination, graphic smut, adult content, mentions of murder, pervy men in the workplace, falling for a villain, guns, mentions of pregnancy, unprotected sex, alcohol.

Masterlist

Summary: Jackson just wants a normal life but thanks to his business, his chances were slim. but after meeting you, his chances it doesn't seem like such a long shot anymore.

A/N: Reading Jack's Villian wiki gave me the idea, and the personality section is what really set it in motion. He's more human than we thought, folks. I felt VERY inclined to write this. :)

Jack wasn't proud of his work. He never was. But he knew that once he got into the business, he could never get out. And as fate would have it, you met him on the job.

Your boss was a ruthless, lying, manipulative son of a bitch, and you just so happened to be his receptionist. You hated your job and the way your pig of a boss would always make it sickeningly obvious he was starring at your breasts when asking you to make a call. You hated him. Sometimes you would imagine ways to kill the bastard and get away with it too.

Apparently, someone else had the same idea, but actually took the initiative of hiring an assassin. That's where you came in.

It was a late Friday night, and after a long grueling day of putting up with your boss's demands, you were so happy to see the front door of your home. You couldn't wait to collapse on the couch with a glass of red wine and have a leisurely weekend.

You fiddled with your keys as you tried to find the right one. 'Why the hell did I have all those keys anyways?' you thought to yourself bitterly as you shuffled them around.

But the sound of a gun cocking from behind you made you freeze. Air caught in your throat as you tried to convince yourself you didn't just hear what you thought you heard.

"Don't let me stop you," a smooth masculine voice from behind you sneered, pressing what you presumed to be the barrel of the gun point-blank onto your back, "Unlock the door, step inside. Scream and you die."

You gave a small nod, your search for the right key more frantic now, and once you found it, your shaking hand fumbled with it before finally slipping it into the keyhole, your trembling hand opening the door, and you felt yourself get pushed inside.

The door slammed behind you, and that's when you whipped around, now face to face with your captor. The gun was still pointed at you, but the man who was holding it was what stopped you in your tracks.

If someone told you that morning that you were going to be held at gunpoint by one of the most attractive men you had ever seen in your life, you would have laughed in their face. But you weren't laughing now.

"What do you want?" you managed to squeak out, his piercing blue eyes bore into yours.

"Well, I have a job to do, to put it plainly, and you're one of the only people that can help me complete it," he began to explain, "And you don't have a choice."

"What are you wanting from me?"

"Your boss. I want you to call him and tell him that there's something going on and he needs to swing by the office. Once he obliges, my guys who are waiting outside the building as we speak will take it from there."

"You're going to kill him?" you gasped. Sure, you considered doing it yourself, but you never thought anyone would actually try to do it.

"You don't need to worry about that. What you need to worry about is the gun that's pointed at you right now," he concluded, reaching for your home phone, politely holding it out for you to take.

You paused, and he raised a brow. Out of instinct, you tried to bolt past him to the front door, but when you realized it wasn't going to work, it was too late. He grabbed you violently as you thrashed in his grasp before he collapsed the two of you on the couch. He held you in one position until he felt your breathing calm, your neck in a headlock as you faced away from him, panting like an angry dog.

"Stop getting cute," he hissed next to your ear, and even though you couldn't see his face, you knew his teeth were gritting.

He finally trusted you wouldn't pull anything else after he gave a harsh squeeze to your trapped throat, and he let you go, and you immediately scooted to the other side of the couch.

You felt his eyes on you, and with a sudden jerked movement, he held out what you thought was the gun, making you flinch. But with a double-take, you realized it was just the phone.

You reached out, taking it, his eyes never leaving yours. You felt as if you could see something in his gaze. Something longing. Something not quite there. Reluctance.

Shaken fingers press the numbers as you click 'dial', but before you could hold it up to your ear, your captor stopped you.

"Nuh-uh. Speaker."

You nodded, pressing the speaker button before the dial tone echoed through your home. After three times, the line was suddenly picked up.

"What the hell are you doing calling at this hour?" your boss's harsh voice hissed through the phone.

"Yeah, Mr. Snider, there seems to be something happening at the office. Someone from the administration is here and demanding to see you," you tried your best to sound convincing.

"What do they fucking want?" he scorned, his tone making you flinch.

"I wish I knew, sir. They won't tell me anything," you tried to force a smile in your voice.

"Fucking useless," he grunted, making you shift uncomfortably.

"Should I tell them you're on your way?" you proposed.

"Fuck. Fine. I'll be there in 15. And hey, don't get bitchy with me, yeah? Don't forget, you work for me."

"Yes sir," you muttered, loud enough for him to hear.

All the while Jack was watching your reactions. He saw how you flinched at strong tones and saddened at the insults.

The sound of the line going dead was what snapped him back to reality, your still shaking hand setting it down on the coffee table.

"Is that all you needed?" you finally spoke.

"I wish I could say yes," his words made your gaze shift to the floor in disappointment, "I need to stay here until the deed is done."

"How long will that be?"

"After I make this phone call to let the guys know the target is on his merry way, we'll wait until I get a call back. Then we can part ways and you'll never speak of it to anyone. Or else I will have no other choice but to come back and kill you."

You curled in on yourself, resting your chin on your knees as you didn't answer, the sounds of a number being dialed making you cringe.

The sudden movement of him standing up made you flinch, and for a second you thought you almost saw a look of sympathy flash through his eyes before he held the phone to his ear, waiting for the other line to pick up.

"Stu? Yeah. Yeah, she called. He's on his way. He'll be there in 10. Make it look believable, yeah? Clients aren't paying us for anything that looks tacky."

Jack continued his conversation on the phone as he made his way to your kitchen, still in clear view of you. A few moments later he came back, the phone now hung up, a glass of water in his hand.

"Drink," he commanded.

"I'm not thirsty,"

He suddenly set the phone down, taking one of your hands and wrapping it around the cup, "I don't want you passing out on me. Drink," he commanded again.

Now it felt as if you had no choice. You lifted the cups to your lips, gently sipping as he watched you like a hawk until all the water was down your throat.

"Good girl," he praised jokingly, setting the glass on the table.

He then sat down with you on the couch. There was a prolonged silence.

"What's your name?" you finally asked.

He turned to you and cocked a brow.

"Sorry... just trying to make conversation," with an assassin you added bitterly in your head.

He scoffed, the room going back to silence, the two of you waiting... listening.

"Jackson."

"What?" you questioned, looking at him.

"My name. It's Jackson."

"Oh," you replied, "Well, I'm (name)."

"I know," he smirked.

You mentally facepalmed. Of course he did. He was an or assassin for fuck's sake.

"Can I call you Jack?" you asked meekly.

"Seeing as you won't ever see me again, sure. I haven't been called Jack since I was a kid though."

You could tell he was trying to open up. Just a little. Besides, he was right. It wasn't like he was ever going to see you again.

"Why?"

"Rippner. It's my last name," he explained.

"Oh shit," you said in spite of it not being lady-like, "That was a dick move on your parent's part."

"Tell me about it."

The conversation unfolded. You spoke about names, childhood experiences, hell, even what your favorite ice cream flavor was. It was a careless conversation with the mentality of getting everything out there.

You almost forgot that your boss was being killed right as you spoke. You felt the man in front of you open up. He was okay with being vulnerable with you.

That was until the phone rang, Jack rushing to pick it up.

"Yeah?"

His facial expression was unreadable as you watched him. Finally, he hung up the phone, his face returning to the same cold and distant look it had the moment you two had met.

"Well, (name), this is where we part ways," he began, but before he could walk to the front entryway, you grabbed his hand.

He looked startled as he turned around, his eyes searching your face for an answer. Your move was bold. Risky. But you were willing to take it.

"Don't go." your mouth moved before you could stop it.

He narrowed his eyes, almost as if he didn't believe it was you talking. Yet his hand was still being held tightly in yours.

"Please don't go."

☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆

1 Year Later

☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆

You flipped in your sleep, half awake when you realized the spot next to you was bare, the indent of the once sleepless man in his place. You sighed as you flipped back over, looking at the clock.

2:15 am.

You pulled yourself away from your kingdom of soft pillows and blankets and slipped out of bed, your feet pressing against the hardwood of your home. You left the bedroom, crept down the hallway, and when you were finally met with the living area of your home, you were met with the form of your lover.

He was hunched over on the couch, hovering over a glass of red wine that rested in his hand. He seemed to be lost in thought, his blue eyes no longer piercing but distant.

The creak of the floorboards under you gave your position away, the man glancing up at you, spooked.

An instant look of regret graced his beautiful features, "Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Hush," you sighed, "It's warmer out here anyway," you concluded.

"Even without your mountain of blankets?" he smirked, thinking of how adorable you looked cuddled up under the mound of linen.

"The bed is always cold when you're not in it," you whined, stilling next to him as he continued to nurse his glass of red liquid.

"Sorry love," he sighed, setting down the glass before wrapping his arms around you, your head resting on his chest as you listened in on his heartbeat. It was soft and lulling as you felt your eyes begin to droop.

That was, until you felt his hard-on press up against your back. A smirk crossed your lips.

"Is this why you couldn't sleep?" you questioned, subtly rubbing up against his bulge as you heard his breath catch in his throat.

"As I said," he muttered, "Didn't want to wake you."

"You could have just said so," you sat up, giving him a passionate kiss, one hand going in his hair, the other going down to his crotch, where he let out a primal groan at the feeling of your touch.

"I'm gonna be honest, I'm not really in the mood for foreplay," he stated, his hand reaching your lace panties and ripping them off, pulling you on his lap so you straddled him.

He pulled his boxers down to his knees, his cock springing up. The tip was flushed and angry, pre-cum leaking from the tip, the ridges of his veins pumping.

You bit your lip as you hovered over his gorgeous cock before sinking down slowly, the both of you moaning as you become one. Not long after you began to bounce up and down on his cock.

Jack growled as he grabbed a hold of your hips, helping you as he lifted you on and off his cock, searching for solace in orgasm. His eyes locked with yours as you rode him, and in his eyes, you found nothing but love and admiration, every part of him screaming in appreciation for you.

To put it plainly, he loved the way you loved.

You felt yourself tighten, yet to your disdain, your lover found his release first, a loud groan escaping his lips as he poured himself into you, the warmth in your belly growing as you felt him let go.

By the time he was finished, he was completely blissed out, but you weren't done yet. You wanted to cum. You pulled him out of you, and he watched as his spend dripped out of your swollen mound.

Before he could ask if you were okay, you were already back on him, your thighs now straddling one of his.

"What are you doing?" he asked darkly, raising a brow.

"Shut up," you hissed, rubbing your clit on the meat of his thigh, not wanting to lose any fraction that was already built up.

He caught the hint, his hands finding your hips once again as he helped you drag your throbbing cunt against the skin of his leg. All the while, he whispered filthy things in your ear, knowing it would get you there faster.

"Look at you go. Bet you're not so tired now, eh? Humping my leg like a little bunny. Such a good girl, huh?" he coaxed in your ear, and you nodded desperately, immediately agreeing with whatever he was saying. You just wanted to cum.

Finally, you felt yourself come right up to the edge. Jack knew all your body language perfectly, smirking at you as he began to speak.

"Come on, cum for me, baby. Let me watch you cum,"

And you did. Oh, you did. Your ears rang as your eyes shut tight, feeling your body tense and shake as you let your orgasm sweep you away.

Jack helped you ride through it, his words of praise now seeping into your brain.

"Good girl, there you go," he crooned as you began to catch your breath.

You panted as you slumped against him, hearing his heartbeat once more, matching your breathing with his. You felt him press a small kiss to the crown of your head.

"Thank you," he whispered, and all you could do was nod.

Then he began to stand, "Now come on. Let's go take a shower."

"Can I bring the wine?" you asked intently.

"Fuck it," he laughed.

☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆

3 Months Later

☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆☆○o。　　。o○☆

"You're doing it again,"

Jack looked up at you at the sound of your voice. He was sitting there, his hands folded and his jaw clenched, his leg bouncing up and down in anxiety as he went back to staring at the developing pregnancy test on the table.

"What?" he finally said.

"You're overthinking. I can see it in your face."

He rolled his eyes, seeming harsher than he intended. But he was nervous. In complete honesty, you were the first thing Jack had that had any semblance of normal. and after the things he's done and after the things he'd seen, normal was everything he wanted. And that's what this baby meant.

He craved normal. Life as an assassin didn't really scream domestic. But with you, everything he had ever wanted was wherever you were.

"Whatever the test reads, we'll be okay," you ensured, walking behind him and wrapping your arms around the anxious man, doing your best to calm his rapturing nerves.

"Yeah," he agreed, taking a deep breath, "We'll be okay."

The timer suddenly went off, the both of you perking up, chomping at the bit to get to the test, your fingers clutching it as you looked at it.

You gasped.

Jack froze.

You bolted into his arms, test in hand, bawling like a baby.

"You're gonna be a dad, Jack! You're gonna be a dad!!" you squealed, your arms wrapped tightly around him as he held you tight.

He began to tear up, "Really?"

You pulled back and nodded, showing him the test that read positive. He took it in his hands as a means to do a double-take, looking at the two little blue lines.

Without a word, he embraced you again, holding you tighter. His voice was muffled against your shoulder. From him came a small:

"Thank you."

#cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy fanfiction #cillian x reader #cillian murphy #cillian x y/n #tommy shelby fluff #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby smut #red eye #jack rippner #jack rippner x reader #jack rippner smut #cillian murphy x reader smut #cillian murphy characters #cillian #murphy

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blinkngone · 3 years ago

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On the Wedding Day

On the wedding day, Ginny sat on her childhood bed as Hermione moved around, adding puff here, adjusting a red lock of hair there. It was the same bed where she had thrown up after Ron forced her to drink some stupid drink he'd 'made just for her' when she was six and he was seven. It was the same bed where she had cried herself to sleep when Bill moved out; the same bed where Mum had held her on those endless nights when sleep slithered away from her, like the tiny snakes that slithered on the damp walls of the Chamber. It was the same place where she'd taught Hermione the lyrics to a popular Celestina Warback song. On the same bed she had muffled her sobs that night on Harry's seventeenth, when she couldn't wipe off the taste of his lips. How many times had she lain there, her limbs entangled with Harry's?

Thinking about her bed made her think of her childhood itself. She vividly remembered running naked to the pond behind the Burrow; picking wild berries from the fields beyond home, her eyes shielded by a hat twice the diameter of her head. She remembered the midnight detours to their smelly, spidery shed, from where she nicked Fred's broom, the fastest of the lot.

She had cut her knee on her first fall, she remembered how it bled, liquid oozing out from her skin the way water ran from the tap in their kitchen, her favorite place in the world. She had gone to Mum then, had lied to her when she asked where she got the cut from, had feigned pain and dizziness when Mum asked her to help Percy in the garden.

The later part of her childhood had been marked by Harry Potter's existence, even though she hadn't seen him. She had coaxed Dad into charming one of her handmade rag dolls to say 'Hello, I am Harry Potter. I think Ginny is the best girl in the world. I want to marry her." She played with it every afternoon, saying her vows softly to float towards the clouds, then deepening her voice to sound like Harry's. She was no fool, though, she had made Dad swear up and down, promise you won't tell the boys about this, promise you won't tease me, promise you'll ask Harry Potter to marry me when we meet, promise me you will wear a rose in your buttonhole on my wedding day. Dad had promised then, had complied with all her wishes in a heartbeat, like always.

As she sat there, reclining against her headboard, Hermione removed the white skin from around her nails; and as pieces of her fell away, dead skin and dead cells, Ginny willed her tears from brimming over, lest she mess her makeup.

On the wedding day, Harry paced his flat nervously, as Ron and the other boys dressed. He was already dressed in his robes, a lily pinned to the left of his chest. He recalled dark days locked behind a cupboard, days when kids called him 'freak' during lunch breaks. He remembered fighting off evil, first the Dursleys, then Tom Riddle. But most vividly he remembered his own amazement at finding a place among the Weasleys, his brotherhood with Ron, the affection he felt for Hermione, the love he had for Ginny.

He remembered finding strands of Ginny's hair on his pillow after the night when she first slept over. He remembered feeling incredibly grateful that she was his, that nobody else would find parts of her without meaning to, that she had agreed to marry him.

#Hinny #hinny drabbles #harrypotter #hinny headcanon #dh #fic #hinny #hp #hbp #jkr #harry x ginny

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years ago

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If I Fell For You (Part 12) - Not So Sweet Home

Summary: Jensen is fed up with his parents ignoring Y/N all day and when he gets a moment alone, blows up on them like never before. The reader sees how upset Jensen is over what’s happening and does her best to defend him while still trying to salvage a relationship with them...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 6,200ish

Warnings: language, major family angst, mention of a dead parent

A/N: Eek! If you like angst this part is for you! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

It was late, the kids asleep in the guest bedroom, Jensen’s siblings and their families gone home for the evening aside from his brother. He made some half ass excuse about wanting to hang out with Jensen more but you knew he could sense what you did. Jensen was getting close to popping after a whole day of politeness on his part and his parents ignoring you on theirs.

Jensen was bouncing his knee like crazy as he sipped on his beer around a gas fire pit, suddenly stopping when you shifted in your seat.

“Maybe you ought to cool it with the alcohol tonight,” said his dad. Jensen set his empty bottle down on the grass and breathed deeply through his nose. “Your legs been-”

“Y/N, would you get me another beer please?” asked Jensen. You took the opportunity to get out of there, surprised when the back door opened quickly after you, his brother closing it behind him.

“I don’t think your parents like me very much,” you said, going to the fridge and pulling out a drink.

“I know,” he said, glancing out the dark window. “Jensen asked me to make sure you don’t come back out there.”

“He’s gonna go off on them.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m guessing,” he said with a sigh. “I have a feeling this isn’t going to go well. You guys can crash at my place if you want. We don’t have a guest room but we have an air mattress we can put in the family room.”

“You think it’ll be that bad?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

“Then why are we in here talking about this when we should be out there making sure he doesn’t say something he regrets in the morning.”

“You might hear things you can’t unhear,” he said.

“Right now my concern isn’t if my feelings get hurt. He’s really upset and I need him to be okay.”

“You know that’s why the rest of us like you, don’t you? You care about him, the kids. You’re in love with him.”

“Yes I am,” you said as he nodded.

“You call me if either of you ever need anything,” he said, going back to the door. You nodded and took a deep breath, following him outside and already hearing raised voices.

“She’s half your age, Jensen,” said his mom. “She was your nanny. Sweetie you have to know what’s going on here.”

“You’re getting played,” said his father, catching you walking out with Josh.

“She is not half my age. She’s thirty fucking years old! She’s a goddamn adult and been through more shit then both of you put together! She’s not after fucking money,” snapped Jensen who was already out of his seat.

“You’re engaged to the girl after five months!” said his father. “It took you years to propose the first time around!”

“Because I was a nervous kid that was away working constantly. I didn’t want to make Dee stay if it was gonna make her unhappy. I’m not afraid of how I feel anymore because I feel the same about her as I do Dee and I’m not wasting my time so I can stick to your socially acceptable schedule,” said Jensen. “I love her and she’s gonna be part of this family whether you like it or not. Deal with it.”

“You need a prenup,” said his dad.

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do! You’ve known the girl for not even six months!”

“She’s not up to anything!” shouted Jensen.

“Son-”

“Have you ever lost your wife? Have you ever been in the car and almost die yourself while you watch her breathe for the last time? Where she’s hurt and you can’t do a thing to fix it? Have you ever had to tell your children their mother is dead and she’s not coming back? You have no idea, no idea, what that does to you, how much it hurts and how much it hurts when you’re still so fucked up and your parents start making comments behind closed doors about you and you have to pretend you’re better when you’re really not. When you don’t even care about yourself anymore, when you pretend for everyone’s sake so they stop treating you like a child, when you don’t know how to tell your kids it’s okay because it’s not. It’s not. Until you go through that, until you know how bad it hurts, don’t assume a damn thing about her. She’s my best friend and she makes me feel like my old self again. I laugh and smile and have fun and when I get scared or feel guilty or freak out she makes me feel better. I don’t give a fuck how old she is or what her job was. She’s kind and good and she deserves better than you two. Danneel’s parents like her. Jared’s parents like her. Her old foster dad’s family likes her. Our family likes her except for you two. Get your heads out of your asses or you can not even bother letting me know you exist anymore. I’m done with things hurting the women I care about. I couldn’t stop what happened to Dee but I can sure as hell keep Y/N away from the two of you,” said Jensen. He huffed and walked off, Josh running off after him.

“Well congratulations. You got your hooks in him deep, don’t you,” said his father. You rolled your eyes and his mother scoffed.

“You can take care of someone without treating them like a child you know. He’s an incredibly strong person. If you don’t like me fine. But don’t call him stupid or easily manipulated or imply that it’s wrong to know you love someone after only a certain amount of time. I love your son.”

“You love his money,” said his mom.

“I do just fine on my own,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “He’s staying at Josh’s house tonight. We’ll pick up the kids in the morning.”

“He’s overreacting. He’ll be fine in the morning,” said his dad. You crossed your arms and leaned your head back. “He’ll be fine.”

“You two don’t know a thing about me and you assume I want money because of my age and my former career. Don’t assume your son will be fine and get over it.”

“We’ve known him a lot longer than you have. He’ll get over it after a night’s rest.”

“You may have known him longer and I’m sure in some regards you do know him better but not the ones that matter. If you did, you would have seen how much he would have loved for the two of you to like me. I would have taken some respect and been happy because trust me, I get how this looks to everyone else. I understand you have fears and I’m not mad you have them. I’m mad you assume those are facts when all they are is a story you made up in your head you don’t want to change. He’s right, I’m not going anywhere. The difference between him and me though is that I’ll stay out here all damn night with the two of you until you get it through your heads that I’m not here to fuck him over. I love him. I don’t have family, not really. Things have always been screwed up for me pretty much until I met him and he didn’t have to say it for me to know that he was hoping he could share the two of you with me. Maybe I was hoping for that too. But right now I’ll take some goddamn respect and an apology to your son to start and we can go from there.”

“You’re gonna curse at us and expect an apology?” said his mom. “We know you took him when he was at his low and tricked him into trusting you so you could get exactly what you wanted.”

“You know what I want? What I’ve always wanted and somehow always seems to get ripped away? A family. A stupid fucking family. Being a nanny? That let me feel like part of the family. I could pretend I was like all of those people I worked for. Nice and normal and like people gave a shit. Some kindness and a family is all I’ve ever wanted. You two...you wouldn’t have survived a day in my childhood. In my adulthood with the shitty ex boyfriend and the crappy friends and I picked myself over all of them because my mom told me to stand up for myself. Even when she couldn’t be there and I wanted her to. So I stand up for myself and now I stand up for him and those three kids to anyone and I mean anyone, that hurts them. He’s my family and those kids are my family. I don’t know what you think I’m gonna do but I guarantee the only thing I will do is tell you two where to shove it and to leave him the hell alone.”

“Why would we believe anything you say? At all?” his dad asked. “It’s probably the same sad story you told him to get him on the line. I don’t buy it.”

“I have a million dollar book deal. I’ve worked rent free for a lot of rich people since I was eighteen years old. Do I sound like someone who needs his money?” you said. You put your hands on your hips and shook your head. “What is it? You want me to sign a prenup? I would but he doesn’t want one. He trusts me and for a guy that lost his wife and had to work through falling in love with another person, I respect that. He knows what he wants and he’s not wasting time. This is scary for him. It’s scary for me. But when Dee’s parents gave me open arms and kindness and their blessing, the last people I ever expected to disapprove were you two. If you’re going to stand there and keeping calling me a liar, I’m going to find your sons and I’m going take care of Jensen instead of wasting my time here.”

“We don’t disapprove of him moving on and marrying again,” said his mom as you turned to walk away.

“Could have fooled me,” you said.

“He’s going too fast and he doesn’t know you either, not well enough to make a decision like that,” said his dad. You turned around and smiled.

“He knows my favorite color. He knows what my favorite flavor of ice cream is. He knows why I have nightmares and he knows how to make me forget them in the first place. I’m sorry we aren’t doing things on your schedule but it’s his life. He can do whatever the fuck he wants with it, whether that’s me or somebody else. For the record, he knows me just fine. Oh and if this is how you plan on speaking to him again in the morning, I’ll pick up the kids myself.”

“We’re looking out for his best interest,” said his dad.

“No, you think you’re looking at his wallet for him. See money? People think that’s important and it is but best interest? It ain’t that shit,” you said as you started to leave.

“Well what do you assume his best interest is then?” said his mom.

“Treating him like an adult. He is smart and strong and the most emotionally healthy man I’ve ever met which considering all the fucked up shit he’s been through and felt the past year is really saying something. He’s your child but he’s not a child. He found someone he loves and all he wanted to do was share me with you. This was his worst nightmare and I couldn’t stop it. So if you’re not gonna even try with me, then I’m gonna protect him from you.”

“He doesn’t need protecting from us,” he said.

“You call him stupid and that he can’t take care of himself, that he can be fooled and that the person he thinks is his best friend really only wants him for his money. He knows none of those things are true but it’s what you said to him when you said that about me. For a man who went through what he did, it wasn’t mean. It was cruel. I’m gonna go fix what I can of your relationship with him because despite all that, I know you guys love each other and I’m not letting that get fucked up because you think whatever the hell you think about me.”

You stormed off around the house and found Josh’s truck still there but neither man in sight. You looked around and heard a sniffle, your head going up to the roof. You saw the lattice work on the side and climbed up, peeking your head up to spot the two of them sat on the roof.

“Hey,” you said quietly. Jensen wouldn’t look at you, Josh rubbing his back.

“Careful,” he said as you climbed up and slowly walked over. You took a seat on your bottom, spotting the window behind them. “That was my room. Jensen used to sneak out this way. I was always too nervous of getting caught to try myself. You landed the bad boy of the family.”

“Oh yeah, such a bad boy,” you said. You scooted closer on your butt to him, Jensen resting his head on his knees. “Hey. Before you even think about it don’t say you’re sorry.”

“I know,” he said. He took a deep breath but looked up, looking fairly normal aside from a slightly pink nose. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Nobody was,” said Josh. “I’ll give you guys a minute. I’ll be in my car when you’re ready.”

“You should go home,” said Jensen. “Staying in a different house won’t change anything.”

“That was kinda fucked up what they said.” Jensen raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. “I don’t always agree with them. If you guys want to stay, that’s your choice but I’m not going home without telling them what a mistake they’re making.”

“You don’t have to-”

“You’re my little brother and I like her. Even if I didn’t, they’re being assholes and she doesn’t deserve that. You don’t. Alright?”

Jensen nodded and Josh walked off to the lattice and climbed down while you scooted next to Jensen.

“You thought your siblings weren’t gonna like me,” you said.

“He’s a good person. He’s never told off our parents before so...I don’t know if I’m happy about that or not.”

“He’s a good big brother,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. “I don’t love you for your family though. I don’t care if your parents don’t like me. I’ll deal with it.”

“I wish you didn’t have to,” he said.

“I still like your dad so much better than mine,” you said.

“Yours is a monster to be fair.”

“Yeah, he is. Yours love you and I don’t agree with them but in their minds, they’re protecting you and I don’t have a problem with anyone trying to do that.”

“How are you so fucking kind to them after they basically said you’re with their dumbass son because of money?”

“Like you said, I know monsters. I know toxic and bad. They aren’t it. They raised you and I really, really like you. Good people can be stupid and still be good. In the morning we’ll try again.”

“What if I can’t get them to change their minds?” he said quietly.

“Jensen,” you said, moving to squat down in front of him. You grabbed his cheeks and he stared at you. “You don’t have to pick anybody over anybody. Maybe I won’t be close with them but that’s okay. It’s so okay. We’ll respect each other or just won’t talk to each other and we’ll figure it out but we don’t have to do it all tonight.”

“I think what bothers me the most is they’ve already made up their minds about you based on your age when they don’t even realize who you are. They don’t see that this is the kind of person you are, kind and supportive and I heard you not taking their bullshit. You’re a stronger person than I am and I wish they could see that the reason I’m not freaking out over this is cause I know you’re my partner and you got my back like I got yours. I’m just having a hard time understanding why they won’t even listen to us.”

“I don’t know,” you said, eyes darting to the window when you caught some movement inside. You narrowed them and glanced down, spotting the crack between the windowsill and frame. “I’m a little cool. I’m gonna get my sweatshirt if that’s okay.”

“Careful climbing in,” he said, turning on his bottom and pushing the window up. You kissed his cheek and climbed inside, the room empty as far as you could tell. You stepped out to the hall and into his old room, getting your hoodie, his old hoodie. You pulled it on but went downstairs, catching his parents in the kitchen with Josh.

“Josh may I speak to your parents in private,” you said.

“Yeah. I’m done here. I’ll be over for brunch, okay?” he said. He walked past you and caught your arm. “Call me if you need me back.” You nodded and he kissed your temple before he went out.

“Were you eavesdropping on us?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“We went to tell him to get off the roof. We could see him from the backyard up there,” said his mom, putting her back to you as she mixed up something in a mug. “But we heard the three of you talking and then the two of you. We didn’t mean-”

“We are all on the same side. His side. We should get along. It shouldn’t be this difficult and I don’t appreciate private conversations being listened in on. But I hope you understand that you hurt your son. I know you didn’t mean to and it’s the last thing you’d ever want to do to him. But you did. So please try to help me fix this. This isn’t easy for me to accept that you don’t like me either but you’re gonna respect me. If we can respect each other, then he’s not going to worry as much at least. Please promise that we can agree to that,” you said. His parents looked at each other and you sighed. “You have to be kidding me. What do you want me to do? Go away? I can’t do that. I won’t do that.”

“That’s not...Jensen called your father a monster up there,” he said.

“I thought it was a sob story according to you ten minutes ago.”

“You said you don’t have parents. He said your father is alive.”

“What’s your point, Mr. Ackles,” you said. “Please enlighten me.”

“It doesn’t make much sense to tell different stories,” he said.

“You can’t even give me the benefit of the doubt that I love your son. Why the fuck would I tell you things only he knows, things so few people know about. Why would I trust you with the worst parts of my life when you don’t accept the best ones. For your information, my birth mother is dead. My adoptive mother is dead. I wish my son of a bitch father was dead. The only glimmer of a parent I have maybe, maybe was my foster father. That was until last weekend. I met some parents. I met Dee’s. I met Jared’s. I got the same message from all of them. Let us know if you ever need anything. Oh the way he looks at you. You must be pretty special. Anything at all, you give us a call. People that don’t even have an obligation to look in my direction treated me like I was their kid. So maybe he and I both got our hopes up with you two and that was on us. If you want to pick apart what I’ve said and call me a liar…” you said, putting your hands on your hips. Your shut your eyes and breathed deeply, turning around. “I don’t care if you have to pretend to respect me. Just do it for his sake and the kids sakes, alright?”

A tissue appeared over your shoulder and you took it, blowing your nose and stepping away.

“When did your mother’s pass?” you heard behind you. You threw your head back and took a deep breath.

“When I was born and when I was sixteen,” you said, turning around and swallowing. “Why does that matter?”

“When were you adopted?” he asked.

“Why do you care?”

“Please.”

“I was eight,” you said.

“So you only had your mother for eight years then,” he said.

“Yeah. She got sick when I was fourteen. I stayed with her boyfriend until I moved out for my first nanny job at eighteen. It was all very sad and angsty,” you said.

“Who made the first move?”

“I’m done with this interrogation,” you said. You started to leave but he stepped in front of you. “What do you want from me?”

“I just want to know who made the first move, you or Jensen.”

“I don’t…” you trailed off. “We had a fight. I told him I didn’t want him to be my friend anymore, he was just my boss and that was it. We couldn’t hang out at night and stuff anymore.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want him to hurt me,” you said quietly. “I didn’t fit with his life. I’m not a pretty actress. I’m not smart. I’m the younger nanny and that’s all I was gonna be until I became an older nanny and that was supposed to be my life. I didn’t ask for…”

“For what?” asked his mother, carrying over her mug and setting it down on the end table.

“I didn’t ask for him to love me. But he did and I don’t know why but I trusted him not to hurt me. It’s not fairytales and roses all day every day but I like having a best friend and I never would have submitted those books to a publisher without him encouraging me and I need him to feel better. He can’t catch a break lately and I hate seeing him upset. It makes me sick to my stomach and I really, really need him to be okay so please stop doing this. Just stop. Please. I don’t care if we have to pretend the rest of our lives but please, I can’t keep seeing him take hit after hit anymore and not being able to stop it.”

You weren’t expecting the hug from his father or to bury your face in his chest for a brief moment. His mom guided you to sit on the couch, pulling a blanket around you. She handed you the mug and you saw it was hot chocolate, your eyes darting back and forth between them.

“This isn’t about to be like a lifetime movie where you murder me, right?” you said.

“No,” said his mom as she sat next to you. “We hurt you quite deeply today, didn’t we.”

You stared at the mug, holding it in your hands.

“You were looking forward to meeting us,” said his dad as he sat down on your other side.

“It doesn’t matter. All I care about is him.”

“I don’t think he’d be very happy with you laying down for a semblance of normalcy for him,” he said.

“Just spit out whatever the fuck you want,” you said. You gripped the mug and shut your eyes.

“I’d like you to stop swearing please,” he said. “In exchange, maybe we can have a second chance.”

“Second chance at what?” you said dryly.

“At meeting our son’s fiance.” You lifted your head and stared at him, catching a bashful look you saw in Jensen every so often. “We understand, as well as we can, he was hurt after Danneel. We can’t fix those problems like when he would scrape his knees. We knew he was in a vulnerable position and things between the two of you seemed so fast for how in pain he was. We thought of the worst of you before knowing you and that wasn’t right of us. We were trying to protect him. But like you said, we all try to do that. So if you’ll let us, give us a second chance.”

“For him, I will give you both a second chance,” you said. “I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this but this sort of thing isn’t going to go away just like that, for him or for me.”

“Is there anything…” said his mom as you shook your head. “We are sorry for before. Truly.”

“I know. Trust is difficult for me on a normal day. You guys kinda tore through the safety nets I thought I had with you. I need to build them up again is all.”

“That was you that said that, people have safety nets,” she said. You raised and eyebrow and she sighed. “Jensen, months back, he told us his therapist told him that, put things in perspective.”

“I guess couple’s are kinda each other’s therapists,” you said. “Sometimes they just need to vent to each other too.”

“Before you said...has he ever been to one?” asked his dad.

“Last weekend was...intense. I went to one as a child and he talked to him for a little while, helped him put things in perspective,” you said.

“Intense? Did you fight?” she asked.

“He and JJ got stung by a scorpion. It was a little serious. We went out the next night and I made a comment and he took it a different way and he got upset thinking I thought of myself as being less in his eyes than Dee was. I know it’s not true, it’s just different. He’s been having a really great week aside from today.”

You took a sip of the hot chocolate and went back for more, drinking half the mug down.

“We screwed up,” said his dad with a sigh, sitting back against the couch.

“Yeah but he’ll forgive you,” you said. “This is really good Mrs. Ackles.”

“Thank you sweetie and call me Donna. I made it for Jensen. He’s always liked it when he was living here and having a bad day.”

“Why do you think he’ll forgive us?” asked his dad as Donna got up.

“Because he’s Jensen. He’s not an angry man. Angry in moments but he doesn’t hold onto anger. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him. So I know he’ll forgive you. When I’m not sure of but it won’t be forever.”

“Have you two ever fought badly?” he asked.

“We’ve had a few fights. Mostly small and when we’re both tired or hungry. We had a big one a few weeks ago when he got home but we talked about why it happened and how to make sure it doesn’t again,” you said. Donna carried over a kettle and poured more hot chocolate in your mug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Don't ask about fights Alan. It’s not our business. We should let them tell us what they want,” she said as she walked back to the kitchen.

“They probably should have had a big fight at least once to know if they can work through those things and it sounds like they have,” he said when he turned to you. “I know you’re probably love struck but marriage? That’s a lifetime of putting in the work.”

“Alan if I didn’t care about putting in the work I wouldn’t be down here right now. I know I don’t know everything I’m signing up for and no one really does but I know him and the kids and that’s worth the parts I have to work at.”

“You sound older than you look.”

“Age doesn’t always equal life experience,” you said.

“I suppose not,” he said. He stood and took a deep breath. “I do apologize for thinking the worst of you and not giving you a fair chance upfront.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I’m going to bring this up and check on him.”

“Can I ask one last thing?” asked his dad. You nodded and he looked over to Donna who gave him a short nod. “Josh said you really love him.”

“I do.”

“Do you think he loves you the same way?”

“I know he does,” you said.

“How are you so sure?”

“How are you so sure your wife loves you?” you said. “Goodnight Alan.”

“Goodnight,” he said, his mom catching up with you in the foyer where the stairs were. You gave her a tired smile and she nodded.

“If I told you something, would you keep it a secret from Jensen?” she asked.

“No,” you said with a smile.

“I had to try,” she said. “We’re not like this by nature. Something happened he doesn’t know about when he was recovering that put us off to you. A woman. A young woman at his physical therapy.”

“What happened?” you asked quietly. She took a seat on a step and you sat beside her. “If someone tried to take advantage of him, you should have told me and him. He thinks you guys have gone nuts, no offense.”

“You’ll find with time you’d rather have your child safe and upset at you than the other way around,” she said.

“What happened?”

“We moved down to the house for a few months to help Jensen. He went to physical therapy. A very good place. A family friend works there and got him in and he regained a lot of strength in his leg quickly because of it. There were nurses that often helped and he worked with a few regularly and they develop a relationship and all that. It’s good for morale and healing we were told. One of these girls was about your age and our family friend overheard her gossiping to a friend on the phone during a lunch break.”

“Gossiping about…” you said. “Jensen?”

“They saw an opportunity to manipulate him. He is smart, smarter than the both of us together, but he was going through the motions that first month. She made him smile a bit. She flirted with him. Our friend told us what she’d said and we realized, he could be hurt again. Taken advantage of for what he has, what he can offer. His sudden shift in mood this year, introducing you as a fiance, made us think we’d failed to protect him this time.”

“Why not tell him that?” you asked.

“And tell him he was being manipulated back then? He’s so adamant that it can’t happen to him but we know different.”

“I think you should tell him, Donna. It makes your reaction today seem not so…” you said, her head shaking.

“Ma,” you both heard. You looked over your shoulders, Jensen sat against the wall at the top of the landing. “Mom. Jerry told me why I got a new nurse when it happened. She was nice, or was pretending to be, I don’t know. But I didn’t like her. I never got manipulated and I was never going to.”

“How long-” you said, Jensen rubbing the back of his neck. “You heard everything.”

“Yup,” he said, popping his p, his dad coming over to the bottom of the stairs and staring up. “I don’t want to talk to either of you right now. Y/N, I’d like to go to bed, please.”

“Accept their apology Jensen. You can hash out the rest of this in the morning but accept that they know they were in the wrong,” you said.

“Why should I?” he asked, cocking his head.

“We both got hurt out of their love for you. They are not monsters and I know the difference,” you said. “You know too.”

“Will you two ever look at me the same again,” said Jensen, staring at the landing.

“Honey it was a fight. It’ll be alright,” said his mom, his head shaking.

“Ever since I woke up in the hospital, you two look at me like I’m a kid. Like I’m weak and defenseless. But I’m not. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been and this whole day could have been avoided if you treated me like your adult son, not the kid who fell off his bike and cries over a cut. I needed you two to take over, I did, I honestly did after the accident. I couldn’t take care of myself let alone the kids. But you haven’t stopped thinking I can take care of me again. I can. I do. I know I’m your kid but let me be an adult again. Trust me. Please.”

“Come here,” you said, holding out your hand. He slid down the steps and you stood up and aside, letting him get a hug from his mom and then dad.

“We’re sorry,” said his dad.

“I know,” said Jensen quietly. “Never do something like that again. Ever.”

“We won’t,” he said. You leaned against the wall and sipped on the hot chocolate, Jensen’s nose twitching.

“That’s my cocoa,” he said, turning his head up at you.

“I just Jerry Springer’ed ya’ll. I get the cocoa. Get your own,” you said. He smiled and you gave it right back, his parents pulling off and bringing him to his feet.

“Come here,” said his dad as his mom dragged him off towards the kitchen with the promise of hot chocolate. You stepped down until you were about his height and took a drink, licking your lips when you finished. “How do you just let that go? You were so angry before.”

“I’ve been to therapy. I have good diffusing skills,” you said.

“Is that a joke?”

“Not really,” you said with a smile. “You made a mistake because you love him. I’m gonna make mistakes because I love him. So when I screw up, now you owe me one, deal?”

“I know it’s getting late but would you be willing to stay up a while longer, maybe find out that favorite color?” he asked. You smiled and nodded, stepping down.

“Depends on the day,” said Jensen, stepping out with a mug of his own.

“He’s right,” you said. “You okay to stay up a bit?”

He nodded and walked back to the family room, taking your hand.

“Better?” you whispered to him.

“Yeah. Not all the way but definitely better honey.”

It was warm when you woke up the next morning. You peeled open an eye and caught Jensen laying awake, staring at his ceiling. You kicked off the blankets and he reached an arm out, pulling you to lay on his chest.

“It’s hot in here,” you mumbled, eyes shutting again.

“There’s a box covering the vent,” he said, dancing his fingers lazily over your bare arm. “It’s almost noon.”

“Seriously?” you said into his chest, nuzzling against his soft skin.

“Yeah. Sounds like they’re out back with the kids,” he said. You nodded and felt him move his fingers all over you, soft and light, absentmindedly tracing patterns every so often.

“Still upset?” you asked, his head nodding. “They’re human. They fuck up.”

“Are you angry?”

“I was. Not anymore. I kinda like ‘em actually.”

“Why would you give them a second chance?” he asked.

“When I got adopted I didn’t like, instantly love my mom. I was scared of her at first. I don’t know, I get that you can not like someone at first and then love them unconditionally, you know? It’s weird but your opinions can change once you get to know someone.”

“I don’t do a very good job of protecting you from things,” he said, tilting his head, moving a few hairs behind your ear. You looked up at him, his fingers playing in your hair behind you.

“Honey you went off on your parents last night. I bet you’ve never done that to them. You were trying to protect me and you did. No one has ever protected me the way you do,” you said. “Today is a new day and I’d like to get to know my new family some more.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll follow your lead.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 13 here!

#supernatural #spn #jensen ackles #jensen ackles au #jensen x reader #jensen series #rpf #rpf series #jensen ackles x reader #spn fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic

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