#i personally see both adaptations as two opposite sides of the same coin

[streets-in-paradise]

Troy is for the straight girls who like x reader, while TSOA is for the straight girls who prefer yaoi fics of canon characters.

[sendothetaurus]

Analysis of Shigaraki's and Deku's relationship

I know people say Midoriya and Shigaraki "parallel" a lot [...].

I want to contribute on the subject of "parallelism" and explain, why most people assume that it applies to Shigaraki and Deku.

Contents

Origin

Conviction

Two sides of the same coin

Validation

Redemption

Bakugou's involvement

All Might

[this post is updated irregularly]

(heavy spoilers from here on out)

Origin

Most of it probably stems from this panel from chapter 21:

The established exposition is as follows: Both super-hero and the greatest villain are in search for a successor to fulfill their legacy. In that sense, Shigaraki and Deku both serve as a symbol for their respective side.

Furthermore, neither is ready to fill in their spot on the front lines of the war:

They are inexperienced and self-conscious.

Conviction

While Deku is struggling to adapt to the fast paced hero-world, Shigaraki has yet to settle for a position. Both are not inherently accepted in their niche. Stain manifests in Shigaraki's strife to finally gain foothold.

According to Stain's "conviction", he has every right to condemn Shigaraki. We don't know why in chapter 49, but it is later explained in chapter 419:

"Destroying the status quo" is what AFO wants Shigaraki to do. He uses the turmoil that stems from his past to guide and shape him.

Two sides of the same coin

In chapter 69, Deku and Shigaraki have their face-to-face talk. Here is an apparent character-development that I haven't seen anyone touch on so far.

As you can see, Deku completely changes his perspective on Shigaraki. This is because he senses the humanity in Shigaraki, knowing that he has the ability to push through the layers and layers of hatred. Because this hatred is not innate, it is superficial - fabricated by AFO.

Shigaraki has a similar character development, although it being into the opposite direction. He learns to close himself off - distance himself from his past and cast off his human form.

Validation

Additionally, both of them yearn validation. Izuku wants to be a hero despite not having a quirk; Shigaraki's case is a little more difficult. His conflict is similar to the one that Toga has: Inheriting a quirk that is not level with the "status quo". After he learns that his quirk was granted to him by AFO, he completely breaks down (and ultimately disappears). It is a fundamental betrayal that was artificially created, in contrast to Izuku, who, by forgiving, harvests reconciliation.

Both were outcasts. Both had their quirks granted to them. (On a sidenote, Shigaraki's itchy skin was probably a side-effect of his body rejecting the quirk.) Both had an idol/savior they looked up to.

Redemption

AFO lures Nana Shimura away from the child he wants to corrupt, occupies her with his own presence and lets the family's wounds fester. Kotaro Shimura can't handle his grief and passes it on to Tenko. He gets killed by his own son without a chance to resolve the conflict with his mother or with Tenko. This is Shigaraki's first step towards isolation.

At the beginning of the story, we learn that Bakugou hates Deku - he even tells him to kill himself. He bullies him from a very young age. It is a shock to Deku when he learns about Bakugou's true feelings. But it also paves the way for his empathy. Since he is able to forgive Bakugou, he can forgive Shigaraki as well.

(excerpts from chapter 118 and 322)

This in turn enables Bakugou to open up and come to terms with his built up anguish (his involvement in All Might's "death" and his feelings for Deku). Deku functions as the outlet for his anger - truly listening and canalizing the frustration that once granted Bakugou so much potential for friction.

Bakugou's involvement

Bakugou's quirk, as often mentioned, is one that would cause considerable amounts of chaos if not used by the right person. Even his personality resembles that of a villain. His (temporary) only redeeming quality is his will to use the quirk for something good.

When he gets kidnapped, however, he is not easily swayed (see chapter 86 onwards). That is because he believes in himself. Bakugou always wants to be the best - the top of the game. The praise he receives from his social environment as well as the feedback that All Might gets from the public eye cements his ideology.

Contrary to Bakugou, Shigaraki does not have a superiority-complex. The domestic violence fuels his hatred, his helplessness. Only when he experiences self-efficiency and control, he is happy. This is also, why he can't bear that AFO orchestrates his whole life. Even in something as arbitrary as quirk-heritage he has influence.

Bakugou has the freedom to develop however he wants because it is congruent with his environment. For Izuku and Tenko this is not the case.

All Might

All Might is an important factor in Shigaraki's alignment with society. The latter has witnessed how his family had been left by the heroes to rot and get corrupted by the nature of grief. Where Nana Shimura sought "justice" in nursing her quirk and its successor, she ultimately brought despair to her son. Shigaraki understands that tipping the scales has an effect on both sides (I suspect it's the hand of his father that he is holding in the panel below). So, when he sees All Might, his natural conclusion is that there must be someone he can't save. Therefore, from Shigaraki's point of view, All Might's smile is rather arrogant. To Shigaraki society consists of blind puppets that only see one side of the picture.

[excerpts from chapter 69]

Deku, however, has a completely different impression of All Might. He sees yet another perspective of heroism, being that of the hero itself. He gets saved and trained by him, but also learns that he can't be everywhere, all at once. It is their burden and their responsibility to set priorities and safe the ones who need it most. The smile is not meant to be read as a sign of pride or ignorance, it is a symbol. A symbol is a concept, not an action. It tells the tale of a savior, of encouragement, reassurance. When heroes become the symbol of peace, they have to put up with what people expect from them. Concept, expectation and action must be carefully balanced. This is why heroism and justice are extremely fragile.

[skittlesmcgee]

Deep thoughts to ponder today. Yesterday I had the most reasonable adult and overwhelmingly positive conversation about a relationship with another human that I've ever had. Some aspects of this conversation will provide thinking fodder for the next several days or weeks.

I recognized that this person has no empathy. Actually , he just told me so. I, on the other hand, am a pretty gnarly empath. His lack of empathy struck me as odd and I'll admit to struggling with how that impacts this friendship. Can one have a friendship with someone who can't care about me? Then today I realized that his lack of empathy and my empathy aren't opposites. They are two sides of the same coin. Much like love and hate.

Each of us have survived various things in our lives. Some of those things were inflicted upon us by others, parents, friends, family, etc. Other things were a result of choices that we made. Sometimes a real choice. Other times as a result of seeing only one option. While I learned how to read people and adapt myself and my responses to mitigate the reaction, he just shut that shit down. Both of us did what we had to do to stay safe. We continue to use those coping mechanisms to stay safe, even today. Does that make his way wrong and my way right? I don't think so. Sometimes I wish I didn't care. I suspect there may be rare times when he wishes that he did. But he does care enough that if I need something or ask for something, I usually get it. It's a tangible, concrete care. The shirt off his back but not a shoulder to cry on.

In the end, this gives me insight to help when the brain weasels start running through my head. He won't ever figure out or anticipate my needs. I'm gonna have to state them. But when I state them, I'm pretty sure that he will meet them. Time will prove me either right or wrong.

I'm actually not good at handling empathic responses from people. I'm working on it and I have a small inner circle who give me that. Honestly, what I get from this friend is different but I think as necessary and critical to my continued growth as those other friends.

[ladyelain]

uhhh, if elain and azriel are too similar, then what about gwyn and azriel? or jurian and vassa?

To be clear, I think Azriel and Elain are similar in the way that they’re both masters of adapting and hiding away, but not to their own good. They never really snap or speak their hearts. They just have this perfect picture of themselves, of how they want to be perceived from the world. To make it easy for everyone.

I don’t feel like these examples really compare, but Gwyn and Az are quite different personality wise. Gwyn is described as charming and easy to talk to. Gwyn’s shyness is a result of trauma and fades away throughout the book with her gaining confidence and determination. The key is that Gwyn’s kindness is genuine, she’s just straightforwardly herself. This is how I see her help Azriel step out of his own shadows. Something Elain can’t do because her and Azriel are struggling with similar problems.

Jurian and Vassa, we don’t know that much about them, but I love to quote Lucien here that they’re "two sides of the same coin". I feel like they share similar values and goals, just their approaches differ quite a lot lol. After all, they’re kinda always arguing, I think?

Anywayy, my point was just that, yes, like calls to like, but also opposites attract. There needs to be challenge.

[ignitification]

Midoriya Izuku - Green for Hope, Red for Burning Passion

I always asked myself why exactly Horikoshi has changed Midoriya's character design so drastically.

Indeed, we go from a character called Yamikumo who looks like a feral child with the bad habit of eating his nails off, and drinks more coffee than humanly possible to an anxious bunny who smiles awkwardly and does not know how to accept compliments.

To me, the difference is absolutely insane. Izuku's hair and eyes are uniform and reflect his character and surname. However, a thing that I find peculiar is how the dark (Black/Green) and the Red theme are a constant throughout particular tellings of his character.

The legendary red shoes are one of Deku's main features. It's part of his character. However, I just got to think why exactly (especially having an idea on why was green used for him) and I think that the answer might be very very banal. However, I do think that this is not the only reason.

First of all, there is the most simple reason which I could think of: Midoriya Izuku is described as plain. In my opinion, plain does not really define Midoriya but the concept of him being bland and capable of melting into background is fundamental to express him in the most little details (however, there are few things which inwardly contradict this description: first and foremost his freckles). But as it might be, and Midoriya is indeed considered not worthy look at for more than once (at least as described in the manga - which is also one of the reason why his design has been changed so much, as Yamikumo had literally zero chance to go unnoticed), it appears clear how this suppression of character, of wanting to relegate Mido to a background role is what instead pushes Izuku forward to make a bold choice of something like wearing red shoes. They are strikingly particular, and noticeable: which means that Midoriya is not happy about being an npc, but instead wants to be noticed and in some way stand out.

The second reason, which I mulled over if was relevant enough is All Might. A recurrent color in all All Might's costumes is Red (and Blue, which kind of reminds of Superman and the American Flag. A fact that I found interesting as well if how AM wears Blue, Yellow and Red while Midoriya wears Green and Red, and of course Blue and Yellow together form Green).

And finally the third and final reason (at least, for now) is that Red, as a colour reminds Deku of Kacchan (even if arguably, we see in the first panel of the manga how Izuku wore already his shoes so this might be false and instead it might refer to the fact that Red is Izuku’s favourite colour only), who we know he associates with victory. As the mental image of Kacchan, who was red eyes, is his substitute for him being able to stand proud, strong and capable to win, Izuku might want to express this strive to be strong.

But what do these two colours mean, stand alone ?

As for Green: this colour, in different cultures, is associated with "Hope" . I think here the main gist and general going is that Midoriya represents Hope for the Heroes, Hope for the Unwanted, the Broken and the Damned (the Villains). I talked about Izuku being a Symbol of the New Society here, but in short, with Izuku Midoriya being fundamentally associated to the colour green, I think Horikoshi wants to express two things: how Izuku never loses hope (to be a hero, to have a quirk, to be a friend to Katsuki who bullied him for years or Shouto who straight up challenged him even before getting to know him, to reach and to save everyone) and how he represents and spreads hope for others (Eri, Kouta, the same Todoroki and Katsuki).

Green indicates life, renewal, harmony and safety. Which, in this sense, points out Izuku's nature as a person and how he is bound to feel restless unless he provides comfort to everyone, and that desire to save desperately anyone who he can reach. Green is a calming and soothing colour. It also stands for prosperity, freshness and progress - which point out not only the conclusion of Deku being N1 Hero, but as well at him 'changing up' the society and becoming the Symbol of Hope and Change (on which I briefly touched upon here).

However, on a negative side it also stands for Greed (wanting to be a hero and follow AM steps even when he had a hard time adapting his body to his new quirk) and Envy (Bakugō first and foremost and the generally heroes and those who has time to wield their power properly). In this negative meaning of the colour, I think Izuku’s selfless nature comes to the surface even more: how he feels bound to feel negative emotions which spur his renewal and development (after all, he did unlock Black Whip after Monoma had insulted Bakugou), but at the same time use this emotion toward a bigger goal (him being mad at Shigaraki, but at the same time wanting to save him - I wrote about this too here).

Green, is, finally, the colour of the Heart chakra: an expression of how Midoriya puts everything before him, because his heart cannot take the selfishness of thinking of himself first, which also come hand in hand with his sacrificing nature and reminds of his name meaning and the association made with the number 9. Indeed, “Opening the Heart chakra allows a person to love more, empathise, and feel compassion” - which in short, stands for an externalisation of Mido’s personality.

On a shorter note, in Japan, the colour green represents youth, eternity, vitality and energy - which, in its own way is both a confirmation and a denial to other references made in Izuku’s character, such as his dangerous nature, him not being concentrated to live on for more than he is allowed to fulfil his duty (him being tied to number 9 and so on), and at the same time it reminds us of OfA, as it gains more power and energy and at his cheery, youthful persona.

As for Red, as the colour of Blood, it also stands to indicate '' Danger, Sacrifice, Courage" (which reconnects to his name's theory and numerology, of which I talked about here, in short).

In addition, red is usually used to professionally gain attention (it's hard to miss something so bright) and convey confidence. We know for a fact that Deku has been wearing red shoes since he was a kid (or at least, since he met Bakugō, which coincides with Izuku being four) and that despite being Quirkless, he always showed courage in standing out to people even when they thought of him as 'inferior' because on his unusual condition.

Among other negative meaning, there is an overflow of temper, anger, agitation, and overbearing, demanding and oppressive behaviours. As clear as day, these characteristics relate more to fiery Katsuki than Deku, but as stated before, Deku puts Katsuki as model and adapts his combat style to resemble Katsuki’s. So, this overflow of energy and action is a double-edged sword which affects both Katsuki and Izuku in different ways (and is mellowed out in Izuku’s character by his other soothing characteristics , but more on that later).

Also, Red, in Asia is a lucky colour which might (or not) hint at how, despite everything Izuku got his 'lucky' chance to inherit AM's power and follow his dream of becoming a hero. Particularly, in Japan this colour is associated and denotes strength, passion, self-sacrifice. A transmission of feeling as complex and empowering as the ones Deku fills while he is living his everyday life as a future hero, summed to his nature and inherited quirk.

Red is also a magical and religious color. It symbolized super-human heroism to the Greeks and is the color of the Christian crucifixion, which might be as meaningless as other things, but in this case it might greatly relate to the type of enormous power Izuku tries to reign in, and to the self sacrificing spirit which he proves again and again.

So far, the meanings of the colours which have been associated with Deku are in line with his name, his personality and even the storyline which has been drawed out.

Among other meanings red represents power, courage, energy, passion, and creates physical effects such as enhanced metabolism, enthusiasm, higher level of energy (which comes back to the initial reasons on why Deku chooses Red as a distinct colour for himself and his shoes).

The color red is linked to the most primitive physical, emotional, and financial needs of survival and self-preservation.

Finally is also the colour of leadership, determination and courage. So in short, the colours red, where it indicates energy, action and strong emotion-filled desires and aspirations, is also weak to overbearing aspects which transform empowerment into negative traits (which is what, in the end, is represented by Bakugou). It is also strong-willed and can give confidence to those who are shy or lacking in will power (the shoes in Deku’s case). 

Red is the colour of the First (or Spine) Chakra and usually allows a person to be grounded and connect to universal energies, while Green is the link between spiritual and material.

What do these two colours mean in association with each other?

Onto how these two colours are related to each other, especially considering the premises made, we see that Red (life-giving properties, trust, belonging and violence) and Green (health, eternity, youth and greed) are not only opposites, but they complete and balance each other out. Indeed, to reign over emotions and actions, to red is usually added green which indeed is a pain-relieving patch for red’s intensity (the theory of Bakugou and Deku being two sides of the same coin are thriving).

Midoriya Izuku is an intense person. His personality allows him to balance out his power with a selfless nature, and while he himself is sweet and caring, his fiery eyes (and shoes) express for him his utmost sincere feelings, which deep down are very telling. As mentioned before, Izuku responds to Monoma when he insults Bakugou and makes a jab at how actually Bakugou is the one who ultimately terminated AM, by unlocking a new dangerous and powerful quirk, which is so powerful and fiery, and red in his intensity, that they need Shinsou’s intervention to actually calm him down.

Izuku is a overly protective person: he has forgiveness as a foremost characteristic and even if he does mention how he will not forgive Shigaraki for what he has done, on second though he realises that even a ‘monster’ like Shigaraki deserves to be saved, and therefore his other nature takes over.

Therefore, the coexistence of these factors, and his personality are probably at the origin of why Midoriya has had such a drastic make-over before becoming Midoriya Izuku, and why the colours of Red and Green are fundamental in the description which lets us have a full picture of Midoriya as an individual: something who is full of hope and energy, striving to express whisk power and passion while trying to concern only himself with the danger that comes with his mission to save everyone.

[skyeventide]

my trsb fic has so many notes to the text that they didn’t fit within the ao3 notes’ section character limit lmao, so here is the lengthier version of it. you can consider it a teaser I guess? but either way, I need some place to store these and link them back in the fic.

contents here, cut for length

on the matter of the mother of Gil-Galad

Celebrimbor’s names

shibbolething all over Thauron’s name

actual quotes and canon

On the matter of the mother of Gil-Galad

Meril-i-Turinqi is a Book of Lost Tales character, lady of Tol Eressea, kin of In(g)we but also similar to the Solosimpi, which is to say the Teleri.

The character of "Meril" on the other hand, is a proto-Amarie, Finrod's love interest. In the early draft of Meril's appearance, Finrod is married and is father of Gil-Galad: this draft is obviously discarded and Finrod becomes childless, while Meril transforms into Amarie, who does not join the exile. Gil-Galad is instead transferred to Orodreth, which iirc is Tolkien's last word on the matter (I don't count the Fingon thing as even canon-adjacent, ChrisT was quite clear in admitting the mistake). Now I recall Orodreth is said to be married to a Sinda; why did I discard that? Cause I initally forgot it. Rip to me and Orodreth.

However, what I had was: a proto-Amarie, who is a Vanya, and a BoLT character who is of the family of Ingwe (so a Vanya), but also like the Teleri (so of the third clan, even though not a Sinda). And so Meril-proto-Amarie became Meril-i-Turinqi, wife of Orodreth.

The full headcanon on Meril here would have her as daughter of a Vanya who is kin of Ingwe and of Telerin nobility (or royalty? they're all big on intermarrying between royal families), which fulfills both sides of the coin and also stays true to the statement that Elenwe is the sole full-Vanya to join the exile (I'm gonna assume this excludes any non-royalty followers). Now regarding the parentage of Orodreth, he is here son of Angrod, as I feel that is a better option in almost all respects. This poses some issues with regard to age, as I recall Orodreth-son-of-Angrod and Idril as being named the only two non-adults to do the journey to ME (again... this surely excludes any non-royalty youngsters, but nonetheless). Obviously these issues grow even further if one also includes the matter of Celebrimbor being Aman-born to a wife who doesn't follow Curufin (and therefore the matter of his age at the time of exile), but reconciling these versions is borderline impossible with how the origins of Celebrimbor keep changing throughout the conception of the legendarium.

Long story short, I up the age of Orodreth to be at least old enough to speak softly with Finarfin (here his grandfather) during the flight of the Noldor, but I have him already married though childless. Finduilas is born early into the exile and Gil-Galad is her younger brother.

Meril returns to Aman at the end of the First Age and rules Tol Eressea for the exiles who are stuck there until the Ban is fully lifted.

Celebrimbor's names

FN = father-name, MN = mother-name

I do not claim to have come up with "Tyelperinquar is an epesse", that headcanon, which nonetheless I'm sure happened separately for other people, is one I first read in a fic by Tyelperintal on AO3. That of course means that I could no longer go with the FN Curufinwe MN Tyelperinquar option, and needed another mother-name, which I also borrowed from the same story, and went for Ilvanon, "the perfect". It's pretty, and also speaks of a mix of high expectations and love.

What in this story made me accept the epesse headcanon is the matter of the origin of "T(y)elperinquar" as a name. Vinyar Tengwar (and most recently also NoME) explains how "silver fist" is a name common among the Teleri, famous for their ability to smith silver even among the Noldor, and it is also mentioned how other similar names, such as Tegilbor "calligrapher", are given to people based on their skill. This, however, directly contradicts the fact that elves don't give the same name to more than one person. That statement is problematic in itself (impossible that all elves across all time are aware of all names that ever have been used -- and also of course there's the usual royalty exceptions, that however may well be exceptions because they are royalty), but if it is a common name among the Teleri and we are to keep the duplicate names lore in mind... my only solution is that it's a coveted epesse, given to the very skilled.

Celebrimbor picks it as his chosen and preferred name over FN, already shared by two people and preferred as chosen name by his father, and the potential arrogance of picking his MN with its meaning.

This still led me to problems of both spelling and language choices.

As far as spelling goes, there's several variations. I'm marking with * the one that is not canonically attested, but can be inferred.

Pure Telerin: Telperimpar

Quenya-Telerin compound that maintains the Telerin spelling of silver: Telperinquar

As above, but shortened: Telpinquar

Pure Quenya: *Tyelperinquar

Pure Quenya, shortened: Tyelpinquar

I use all these except the last one at various stages: I decided (though I go back and forth on this) that his household might have used pure Quenya, and his mother sticks to it; the person in Tirion panicks and uses the shortened version Telpinquar, which together with Telperinquar (Telerin spelling maintained) was more common among the Noldor. The Tirion passage exemplifies the uses and applications of these names, how they were given and altered.

This leads me to problems of language and POV, Celebrimbor vs Tyelperinquar. His mother, in her POV, always uses the latter, but Celebrimbor himself uses the former. The true problem here was adapting my feeling that Celebrimbor would be far more used to thinking of himself as Celebrimbor (as opposed to the Quenya name) vs Tolkien's statement that elves do not use names in another language when speaking in X language. This doesn't stay wholly true through the legendarium and the texts, so it's something I've decided to partially ignore when it comes to POV, though I tend to stick to it in first person dialogue. Something that again I try to tackle in the text itself -- when Galadriel tells Celebrimbor which language to speak and which name to use for her.

I am not entirely satisfied with all my choices here and I might revisit them in the future, but for the moment, here we go.

Shibbolething all over Thauron's name

Another language and spelling headache. As I encountered the problem of Sauron, I encountered that of the spelling of his name: the eternal TH/S issue. Were I to have Celebrimbor's mother, and Celebrimbor himself, stick to the Shibboleth? I initially attempted to circumvent this by using Gorthaur, but the issue described just above, about mixing languages, yet again bit me in the ass.

Of course it comes down to characterisation: would Mrs Curufin stick to the Shibboleth, and would Celebrimbor? The matter with Celebrimbor was that I don't believe he spoke Quenya with any real frequency after the Nargothrond business, not as a choice but rather due to circumstances and preferences of those around him. With Ercasse, the conflict is part of the character, and that sadly meant that the TH/S choice became less of a personal choice and more of a political one, as usual.

That got me thinking about the circumstances around her and something interesting came to me: Finarfin spoke Quenya with the Shibboleth, because of the Teleri. And in the Darkening he becomes king in Tirion, and also has to adjust things with the Teleri -- not an easy task, imo, when he turns back only after the pronunciation of the Doom, and not just after the kinslaying occurred. Additionally, the Vanyar spoke preserving TH. Additionally x2, by the Fourth Age, Exilic Quenya (which uses S) is associated with those who rebelled and returned to Aman -- meanwhile any Sindar preserved TH naturally, as it's a sound that never went out of use in Sindarin.

So I chose to take these things and make something of it. If Finarfin maintains TH to keep the Telerin influence; if the Noldor who remain in Aman decide to step closer to the Vanyar in an anti-rebellion reactionary manner and to conform to the speech of the king; if Exilic Quenya gains the lower status of language of the exiles; and considering the canon fact that in later ages the elves are more likely to preserve language rather than change it -- what are our chances that Shibbolething gains opposite connotations as time passes? My conclusion was high chances. So I decided to implement it.

And so Ercasse doesn't have to think about her personal allegiances anymore and has a path built in for herself in these social changes. And Sauron is Thauron. (Unless Galadriel is talking: she doesn't Shibboleth, and uses “Sauron” and “Sindarin”.)

Quotes and canon

Many things I wrote are based on canon snippets. Here I tried to collect them.

On Celebrimbor and the mention of the bath of flames in his speech. It isn't, in fact, a corny lineage reference, but rather a metaphysical or pseudo-physical concept of purification from the Lost Tales:

Yet now the prayers of [their parents] came even to Manwe [the highest Valar], and the Gods had mercy on their unhappy fate, so that those twain Turin and Nienori entered into ... the bath of flame... and so were all their sorrows and stains washed away, and they dwelt as shining Valar among the blessed ones, and now the love of that brother and sister is very fair;

On the naming of Mithril (appears in the upcoming Nature of Middle Earth, as well as already published in Vinyar Tengwar):

[Celebrimbor] was a great silver-smith, and went to Eregion attracted by the rumours of the marvellous metal found in Moria, Moria-silver, to which he gave the name mithril.

On Celebrimbor's ambition and assorted choices, from Letter 131: 

In the first we see a sort of second fall or at least ‘error’ of the Elves. There was nothing wrong essentially in their lingering against counsel, still sadly with the mortal lands of their old heroic deeds. But they wanted to have their cake without eating it. They wanted the peace and bliss and perfect memory of ‘The West’, and yet to remain on the ordinary earth where their prestige as the highest people, above wild Elves, dwarves, and Men, was greater than at the bottom of the hierarchy of Valinor. They thus became obsessed with 'fading’, the mode in which the changes of time (the law of the world under the sun) was perceived by them. They became sad, and their art (shall we say) antiquarian, and their efforts all really a kind of embalming – even though they also retained the old motive of their kind, the adornment of earth, and the healing of its hurts. […] But many of me Elves listened to Sauron. He was still fair in that early time, and his motives and those of the Elves seemed to go partly together: the healing of the desolate lands. Sauron found their weak point in suggesting that, helping one another, they could make Western Middle-earth as beautiful as Valinor. It was really a veiled attack on the gods, an incitement to try and make a separate independent paradise.

Legolas and Aragorn and my choice to use the word love:

"[...]Yet whatever is still to do, I hope to have a part in it, for the honour of the folk of the Lonely Mountain." "And I for the folk of the Great Wood," said Legolas, "and for the love of the Lord of the White Tree [Aragorn]."

Celebrimbor and the Elessar. It must be noted that this Celebrimbor is not Celebrimbor son of Curufin, but I still liked the tidbit of lore. From there my choice to have three different Elessar stones, one made by Feanor, one by Enerdhil of Gondolin, one by Celebrimbor (in the fic redressed to Celebrimbor son of Curufin, and without the romantic love for Galadriel):

But he did not say to Galadriel that he himself was of Gondolin long ago. Therefore he took thought, and began a long delicate labour, and so for Galadriel he made the greatest of his works (save the Three Rings only).And it is said that more subtle and clear was the green gem that he made than that of Enerdhil, but yet its light had less power. For whereas that of Enerdhil was lit by the Sun in its youth, already many years had passed ere Celebrimbor began his work, and nowhere in Middle-earth was the light as clear as it had been, for though Morgoth had been thrust out into the Void and could not enter again, his far shadow lay upon it.Radiant nonetheless was the Elessar of Celebrimbor; and he set it within a great brooch of silver in the likeness of an eagle rising upon outspread wings.

On the vale and the stream where Formenos is located, I utilised this passage from Lost Tales:

[...] here the entire people of the Noldoli are ordered to leave Kor for the rugged dale northwards where the stream Híri plunged underground, and the command to do so seems to have been less a punishment meted out to them by Manwe than a pre-caution and a safeguard. In connection with the place of the banishment of the Noldoli, here called Sirnúmen ('Western Stream') [...]

Relevant LotR quotes about the Eregion passages, used for soil description extrapolations and other elements:

Suddenly Gimli, who had pressed on ahead, called back to them. He was standing on a knoll and pointing to the right. Hurrying up they saw below them a deep and narrow channel. It was empty and silent, and hardly a trickle of water flowed among the brown and redstained stones of its bed; but on the near side there was a path, much broken and decayed, that wound its way among the ruined walls and paving-stones of an ancient highroad. ‘Ah! Here it is at last!’ said Gandalf. ‘This is where the stream ran: Sirannon, the Gate-stream, they used to call it. But what has happened to the water, I cannot guess; it used to be swift and noisy. Come! We must hurry on. We are late.’ [...] "...there is a wholesome air about Hollin. Much evil must befall a country before it wholly forgets the elves, if once they dwelt there." "That is true", said Legolas. "But the Elves of this land were of a race strange to us of the silvan folk, and the trees and the grass do not now remember them: Only I hear the stones lament them: deep they delved us, fair they wrought us, high they builded us; but they are gone. They are gone. They sought the Havens long ago."

More TBA if anything comes to mind.

[linkspooky]

Repress Your Feelings, Girl.

Toga and Uraraka can’t understand each other: because Toga can’t explain herself properly, and Uraraka doesn’t really want to understand. However, there’s also a narrative reason behind why these two characters are fighting each other. It has nothing to do with morality, good or bad, hero or villain, but rather the writing of the characters themselves. Toga Himiko and Uraraka are foils, two sides of the same coin meant to reflect each other. They are essentially (in narrative terms at least) the same person, just both of them expressing different sides of themselves. Uraraka Ochako represses, and Himiko Toga expresses herself, more on their foiling underneath the cut. 

Before I start out I just wanted to point out a few of the deliberate paralels the narrative draws between the two characters. First, the girls come from completely opposite circumstances. 

Uraraka comes from a poor family, whereas Toga comes from what seems to be a wealthy household, considering there’a a gate in front of their door. 

Typically Himiko would be the privileged one, but the narrative inverts this. Uraraka grows up in a household where her identity is affirmed by her parents no matter what. Himiko grows up in a household where she is constantly told she is wrong by her parents. 

Ochako is continually accepted for who she is, and Toga is told not to be herself, not only suffering parental abuse, but also psychiatric abuse on top of that. 

One more way in which they are opposites, Ochako is someone who tends to be sheltered (her parents did her best to hide the fact they were suffering from her because she didn’t want her to feel guitly about it, however it produced the opposite effect, Uraraka got better at reading the faces of people and noticing their suffering.)

Himiko on the other hand has grown up very unsheltered, she’s been on her own since middle school. There’s several hints she’s been exposed to the ugliest side of people already and spends her life running away from them and keeping herself safe from them. 

Himiko and Uraraka are both incredibly good at reading other people, but they developed this ability for opposite reasons. Uraraka who was sheltered noticed the pain her parents tried to hide from her and developed it compassionately, and Himiko who has been on the run for most of her life developed it as a method of survival. However, that doesn’t mean that Himiko is lacking compassion, or Uraraka always empathizes with everyone she meets, because both of them are complex individuals. 

Himiko is capable of empathizing with other people, not only that but she’s grown significantly out of her shell and learned that other people besides her have needs, feelings she needs to take care of, to the point where she’s stopped prioritizing herself first in all circumstances. On the other hand, Uraraka is just as capable of shutting her feelings down and ignoring the viewpoints of other people she finds disagreeable with her own. 

Uraraka and Toga are also both extremely social people, however all of Uraraka’s friends accept her for who she is. Deku knows Uraraka so well that he can tell when Toga, pretending to be Camie, is the one replacing her. Toga is someone who like Uraraka was always at the center of a group of friends tying her together. However, Toga could only present her fake self in front of them. 

1. The Repressed

Jung divides the self into three, the shadow, the persona, and then the ego (self) which is made of a combination of the former too. 

Persona

The persona is how we present ourselves to the world. The word "persona" is derived from a Latin word that literally means "mask." It is not a literal mask, however.

The persona represents all of the different social masks that we wear among various groups and situations. It acts to shield the ego from negative images. According to Jung, the persona may appear in dreams and take different forms. [source]

Shadow

The shadow is an archetype that consists of the sex and life instincts. The shadow exists as part of the unconscious mind and is composed of repressed ideas, weaknesses, desires, instincts, and shortcomings.

The shadow forms out of our attempts to adapt to cultural norms and expectations. It is this archetype that contains all of the things that are unacceptable not only to society, but also to one's own personal morals and values. [source]

My Hero Academia uses Jungian Symbolism, especially in regards to Himiko and Uraraka’s characters, this isn’t something I made up it’s directly in the text. Toga’s act of repression is literally called: wearing a mask. 

Toga and Uraraka are written to contrast each other on which part of themselves they present to the world. Uraraka is extremely conscious of other people’s expectations of her, so she plays up her persona. Uraraka is someone who is always putting up a show for others because she knows how they perceive her. 

Her own perceptiveness works against her, because while she loves seeing people happy the most she also can’t stand to see them in pain, or even be the reason why they’re in pain. Uraraka’s solution to this is a rather immature one, she believes if she’s good all the time, if she’s always this pleasant and happy person and never shares her problems then she won’t drag the mood down. 

Uraraka is conflict avoidant in other words. There are times she directly addresses the conflict like the times with Tsuyu, but even then it’s in a “We should all get along as friends” sort of way. Uraraka always pushes her feelings down and tries her hardest never to cause trouble for others. However there’s a line between trying not to hurt others, and simply pretending the conflict does not exist. 

The shadow is the part of ourselves we repress in order to play for other’s expectations. The persona is a performance, it’s the personality you perform every day. You would swear with a group of friends, but you wouldn’t swear in front of your grandparents. People hide parts of themselves depending on who they’re interacting with, personality is in part a performance to the expectations of others around you, that’s natural. Everyone will have a side of themselves they show to others, and a side of themselves they keep repressed. That’s natural. What is not natural is to be all one way or all the other. 

‘Man is not truly one, but truly two’ “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” 

The point of the shadow and the persona, is that both are true at the same time. You are both who you pretend to be, and what you hide of yourself. The persona is not fake just because it’s a performance, and the shadow isn’t the true self or all there is to you just because it’s hidden. However, the opposite is true at the same time, the persona is not all of who you are, and you can’t make your shadow go away just by repressing it. 

Psychological repression is not a healthy strategy for dealing with emotions. It doesn’t resolve emotions, it just makes them go away for a short time. One response to the presence of a shadow is to simply ignore it, but ignoring it will just make you ignorant. 

Uraraka views herself to be a good person, and views heroes to be good, but that belief hasn’t come from confronting the bad of society and deciding that heroes are still good anyway. Which is my point, not that Uraraka is wrong, but that she’s ignorant. She’s sheltered, naive, and her lived experience is so narrow she can’t realy make a judgement call on Toga that’s accurate. Like, just for exmaple heroes do in fact kill people. They even get excited about completely destroying villains. 

There are heroes who become heroes just to beat the shit out of villains, there are heroes who will try to kill villains, Tokoyami gets confronted with the fact that Hawks killed a villain and his first response is: You did nothing wrong, Hawks. Uraraka sees heroes as the ideal only ever saving people. Yes heroes save people. There are other heroes who are violent. It’s not one or the other, the truth requires acknowledging both at once. Uraraka’s point that she would never feel happy about violence is a false one, because she doesn’t know that for one, and two heroes are just as capable of violence as villains. 

The key point to repression is that it doesn’t work. 

Himiko already tried reperssing herself and it just drove her insane. The feelings don’t go away simply by pretending that they are not there. Even in a narrative sense, Uraraka’s shadow that she has repressed has escaped her in the form of Himiko and is running around constantly trying to challenge her and confront her to get her to acknowledge those feelings. The feelings will not go away, and Uraraka’s solution is to just keep putting a lid on them and pretending they are not there. It’s because she has such a tight lid on herself it makes her impossible to see things from Himiko’s point of view. 

Why is Uraraka supposed to understand things from Himiko’s point of view? Because Himiko is Uraraka, she’s all of her repressed flaws come to roost. Uraraka cannot change or improve as a person until she accepts both the best and worst of herself instead of just trying to always be good all the time. Understanding Himiko leads to a more gray and nuanced understanding of reality rather than the black and white: heroes good, villains bad. Himiko is a foil, a narrative device used to show the flaws of another character. 

Uraraka did nothing wrong / Uraraka is right. 

Well okay then, but Uraraka would be a pretty boring character otherwise. She’d just be a good girl who did good things all the time and always tried her hardest. I’m not trying to insinuate Uraraka is a bad person, I’m arguing in favor of her complexity. I think there is more to her character than just her trying to be a better hero, and getting stronger and learning to use her powers better. There’s an emotional complexity to Uraraka that she represses. 

Emotionally, Uraraka is similiar to Himiko because they both cope poorly in the same way. Emotional repression is unhealthy. Himiko has only two modes, repress everything or don’t repress anything and both of those extremes are bad. Uraraka is on the path to becoming Himiko, because the only way she knows how to deal with things is to shut her feelings off and as Himiko said that doesn’t work: it just drove Himiko insane. 

2. The Expressed

Himiko Toga is who she is in reaction to her trauma. Uraraka pushes herself down and tries to play to the expectations of others, and Toga asserts herself and tries to defy other people’s expectations. 

I’m actually going to blow everybody’s minds here though: Toga doesn’t actually want to murder people and suck their blood dry. It’s what she thinks she wants, but once again, she is who she is, in reaction to trauma. Toga was violently abused, Toga became violent, but it’s not who she is inherently. It’s who she thinks she is. 

Toga has internalize every bad thing every person has ever said about her. Toga not only foils Uraraka, she also foils Shigaraki. Toga has been convinced, that what she wants naturally, is to suck people’s blood, and kill them. The same way that Shigaraki has been convinced by AFO that he was naturally born with the urge to destroy others. 

These aren’t things that they have a natural inclination or desire to do, it was things they were told about themselves repeatedly. Shigaraki by AFO, and Toga by everyone around her. Even Toga’s initial incident of violence has a lot more in common with a psychotic break, then with you know, a pre-meditated murder that she did for pleasure. 

It’s not something Toga naturally did on her own, it was something she was pushed to do. Remember, Toga suffered twofold abuse. Abuse from her parents, but also psychiatric abuse. The people who were supposed to help her reconcile her quirk, and her unnatural tendencies didn’t try to heal her like they were supposed to. She was demonized by everyone around her, told what a bad girl she was constantly, not for anything she did wrong but because she was born naturally with a quirk. She tried to be good and smile for the sake of others, untils he reached a breaking point: then and only then did she lash out. 

Toga’s initial instant of violent wasn’t a pleasure killing. It was a lashing out due to a psychotic break, and it was because both of the systems in her life that were supposed to help teach her to learn to deal with emotions, quirk counselling this world’s version of child therapists, and her own parents, chose to demonize her and tell her to repress herself. 

However, children who are abused tend to internalize the words their abusers tell them. Children who are abused often believe they “deserve” their abuse because of their bad behavior. 

Now, I’m not trying to justify. I don’t think Toga Himiko is allowed to run around killing whoever she wants just because she was abused. My intent is to explain how her brain works. 

Toga Himiko doesn’t get to lash out as she pleased, but I think it’s important to understand that Toga’s lashing out is what makes her human. She’s not an inhuman monster, she’s a human reacting to circumstances. Most people exposed to ugly situations, react in ugly ways, and the few that don’t are the exception that proves the rule. 

My point being that Toga is not an insane monster that lusts for blood, she just believes herself to be one. The same way that Uraraka is wrong, Toga is also wrong at the same time.

Because as I said the above is right. Toga can’t live her life just lashing out. While it’s understandable, someone who has endured violence can’t keep lashing out violently forever. Toga’s choice to always lash out is just as unhealthy as Uraraka’s choice to always repress herself. 

Because Toga relies again and again on violence to vent her feelings, violence has become an inescapable part of her life. It’s also contrary to what she really wants. Toga thinks she wants violence, but the violence is just a reaction to the violent abuse.

Yes, Toga says all she wants is to drain people dry of their blood but characters are liars sometimes. 

Sometimes you can’t take a character at their word. Sometimes instead of reading something directly as stated line for line in the story you have to read between the lines. Toga says she wants to just kill people, but her internal thoughts contradict her.

What Toga needs is to be accepted, loved, and trusted like Uraraka is. That’s her deep internal desire that she states to herself when pushed to her absolute edge by Curious. What Toga thinks she wants is to drain the people she wants dry of their blood, so she can become them and live vicariously through them. What she thinks she wants is a life where she can do whatever she wants, and do as she pleases, in response to a life where she wasn’t allowed to do anything that she wanted. But, that again is a child’s idea of rebellion. It’s a response to her abuse, it’s not who she is. However, Toga’s personal development was forwarded not by killing people and draining them, but by the empathy and acceptance she showed towards Jin. 

There’s what she needs, what helps her develop into a more stable person, the empathy and care she shows to Jin. The acceptance Jin showed her in return. 

There’s what she thinks she wants, which is to just rebel against everything and always do what she wants in every single situation and accept no limitations on her personal desires. 

Toga is in fact just a normal girl, who wants to be accepted by the society at large, or at least find people who accept her. However, Toga doesn’t see herself as one, because she’s internalzied the idea that she’s the blood thirsty monster that everyone thinks she is. Which is why Toga contradicts herself. 

Toga in the same breath will say “I’m also a normal girl” and then “I’m a weird kid, I’m a weirdo, no one can understand me.” 

Toga cannot explain herself, because she’s wrong about herself. She’s making herself out to be a violent monster because that’s how she copes, the really really bad way she copes. It’s easier to be a violent monster, she’s more protected that way, then to be a runaway girl who’s just scared and alone. However, because Himiko can’t admit this, she also can’t explain herself to other people. She presents the monstrous version of herself and that’s all Uraraka can see. 

Neither Uraraka nor Himiko’s way of coping is sustainable. Uraraka cannot keep repressing herself forever, the same way Himiko cannot violently lash out forever. 

While what Uraraka says is very black and white, it’s not wrong. If HImiko is goign to live her life “Kill or Be Killed”, then she’s just as likely to end up being killed then she is to be the killer. There’s no happy ending to that kind of life.

However, there is no happy ending to Uraraka’s way of living either. Her perfectionist tendencies and her desire to only ever be good just aren’t going to work, because one a lot of bad things are going on already Uraraka just doesn’t see them, and two it’s not sustainable, Himiko was someone who held everything in too and look where that got her. 

Uraraka and Himiko’s talk failed because neither of them are capable of communicating right now. Uraraka can’t understand because she doesn’t try, and Himiko can’t explain herself because she also doesn’t try. 

Uraraka only sees what’s good about the world, about heroes. Himiko only sees what’s bad about the world, about heroes.  Uraraka sees the beautiful parts, Himiko embodies the ugliness. 

However they are both wrong because they are both short sighted. People are not just their shadows, and they’re not just their personas. They are both at the same time. 

A junagian shadow confrontation doesn’t end in a fight between good or evil. The shadow is not evil, the persona is not good. They are just two halves of the same person. Defeating a shadow does not make it go away. The shadow is something you have to learn to live with, the same way everybody on earth is flawed, and just tries to live every day working on their flaws the best they can.

The shadow is something that has to be reconciled.  Uraraka and Toga don’t have to defeat each other, they have to reconcile with one another. 

The narrative is pushing their reconciliaton because Toga and Uraraka both have what the other needs to grow. Uraraka is ignorant because she’s lacking experience. She hasn’t lived Toga’s experiences so she doesn’t understand her perspective. She doesn’t know, and she won’t know until someone explains it to her. However, saving as many people as possible means that Uraraka should also be open to trying to save people who react to abuse in ugly ways as well, because a person can be a victim and a villain at the same time. Uraraka will be a better hero if she’s able to see the flaws in her own society, because she’s a part of the next generation to reform society.

And Toga can’t become someone who is trusted by others if she’s violently lashing out all the time. The same way that Uraraka needs to see what’s bad about the world, Toga needs to learn to see what’s good about the world. The same way Uraraka needs to see both sides of the world, that of a villain girl and that of a normal girl. Toga needs to come to terms with herself, that she’s not a violent monster, but a normal girl. The only way she can stop lashing out and start actually taking responsibility for what she’s done and start on the path to self improvement is if she starts seeing herself as a person capable of improving. 

Toga wasn’t born this way she was made this way. She’s just a people, and people change. Toga can either try to change, or keep lashing out forever but at the moment she doesn’t even know that changing is an option for her. She thinks she’s going to be stuck as a monster forever because she was just born one. That’s why, Toga also needs Uraraka as much as Uraraka needs her. 

[scribblingfangirl]

GLOWING IN THE DARK #2 | The Punisher - Billy Russo

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Author’s Note: First of all: I am so sorry this part took so long (and it is very underwhelming as it’s just a few scenes of Y/N’s life on the base (all involving Billy - and I’m not sure if I got his character right in this one)). I tried to make it one longer coherent chapter, but I needed these scenes to be able to proceed to the more important parts of the story. Hope you guys don’t mind. I hope the next few installments will appear faster and will get better again. But for now, thank you for reading and enjoy!

word count:  ~ 2.7k

summary: Becoming Billy’s friend is weird - if whatever relationship you have is even considered a friendship.

warnings: //

| PREVIOUS PART | - | next part | - | SERIES MASTERLIST |

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You felt it – whatever or whoever it was – before you even heard or saw anything. 

As a Marine, you had undergone different kinds of training modules and boot camps and this wasn’t your first tour either. Your job before getting promoted to helicopter gunner had been to try and get in and out of places without raising any suspicion or getting in the way of the others that were fighting while you got the intel. Inevitably, however, sooner or later you had to fight your way out of wherever the hell you were as well.

It had heightened your senses, which made it almost impossible for you to have a good night's rest. The smallest change in the atmosphere or the slightest sound sent you straight to overdrive. No heavy eyelids, no blurry mind - just wide-awake and alert.

Of course, this wasn't the case with everyone though. After missions with the Blackbird crew, you’d seen Garth and Dane fall asleep as soon as their heads hit their pillows and nothing could wake them up after that. You even had some conversations with Frank about it whenever you stayed over at the Castles during your military leave. 

You’d call the day you were able to fall asleep within the first ten minutes of getting into bed and stay asleep for the whole night a miracle. That is why your eyes opened wide and your body went rigid as you blinked desperately and tried to adapt your vision to the darkness. Or at least find the smallest shimmer of light. Obviously, you had no such luck. After all, it was somewhere around the early hours of the morning and it was pitch-black in the tent. 

Your hand automatically went for the gun under your pillow, only to end up empty, and it took you a millisecond to realize that you weren’t in your cot in the tent you shared with Garth and Dane, but rather in the infirmary where weapons weren’t allowed. 

You decided to do the next best thing. You used your body.

In a swift movement and without much hesitation you grabbed the thing - a person as you came to realize in that very moment - in front of you and used the momentum to turn both of you around, pinning him (as you still were the only woman on the base) down on the bed, straddling his waist and pressing your upper arm on what you expected to be his throat.

A soft chuckle resounded through the tent. In the next second, you were blinking against the white lights that illuminated the infirmary, realising that you were holding Billy in a tight grip. And worse, straddling him. 

As your senses were still on a high (heart beating fast and body frozen) you were unable to do anything else other than stare shocked at Billy.

“Gotta admit Frankie boy, you trained her well,” Billy smirked up at you, his hands going to your waist to support you a little bit and take the weight of your injured foot.

“Na,” Frank shook his head, “All that was already there. I just showed her how to properly use and manage her strengths. Reminded her of who she once was.” Frank approached you both from his place beside the entrance and gently pulled you away from Billy, who started to massage his neck as he slowly stood up.

Billy chuckled at that. “A clumsy girl?”

“Hey! Watch it or I beat your ass-”

“Again… was that what you wanted to say? Do I have to remind you that you didn't beat my ass last time? That's why I told you that there are less violent ways for you to see my backside.”

You had soon realized that flirting truly was Billy’s defence mechanism, just as Frank had said. And humour. Whenever something turned uncomfortable for him he either turned on his charms or tried to alleviate the situation by making some stupid remark.

You had also realized that Billy had been right. You were terribly out of shape. Everything had hurt the day after the game, but you had guessed it might also have had something to do with the fact that two grown-up men literally tackled you to the ground the day before.

So you had gone to Frank, because, obviously, you couldn’t give Billy the satisfaction (or more time with you) and had asked him to give you some training lessons. A little refresher of your earlier days. 

“Okay… What would you do if I did this to you?” Frank asked while cornering you against a wall and trapping you between it and his body, putting his hands on either side of your head.

“Really Frank. Are we really going to look at Self-Defense 101? I’m weak right now, not stupid. I remember the training.”

“Well, show me then.”

Sighing you looked him straight in the eyes as you punched your straight fingers into his ribcage under his left armpit, causing him to withdraw his left arm entirely. Then you punched your fist into his left rib cage that was now open to you, pushing him slightly away from you before punching his chin and knocking your head against his.

Tumbling a few steps back Frank caught himself quickly and grabbed you, hugging you from behind as you had already turned around to move away. “Not so quickly.”

“Do you really want me to give you a concussion?” you groaned, leaning closer into him and knocked your head back into his.

With a grunt, and while trying to regain his footing after stabilizing you due to the additional weight you put into his arms, Frank loosened his arms around you and you went for his right knee. 

Ducking down fast and sliding your hands down his leg to his foot you pulled it up before Frank could regain his balance, throwing him to the ground behind you. You quickly turned around and sat triumphantly on his stomach. 

“Satisfied?”

“It’s a beginning.”

“That’s enough Bill.” Frank's deep voice brought you back to the present. “She might be a little clumsy sometimes, but it’s clear that you can’t say anything against her senses.”

“Hey! Whose side are you on?”

“Kid, let’s be honest. I saw you tripping over nothing but thin air yesterday, somehow managing to injure your foot while doing that. And then you proceeded to fall face-first to the ground.” Frank said as he moved you to another unoccupied bed. Thank god you were the only one in the infirmary right now. Scoffing you rolled your eyes. 

“The ground wanted a hug! Not my problem you’re a heartless guy. Ever thought about the fact that it might not want to just be trampled on? And anyway,” you added after a short pause, “you heard them yesterday after you insisted on bringing me here. I’m fine! Just a misstep, nothing a good night's rest with limited movement wouldn’t fix… which well, is kind of the opposite of what you two just did.”

“Ah well, sorry ‘bout that. Colonel Schoonover wants to go over some strategic movements first thing in the morning. Thought you might want to get caught up with the most important details first.”

“Oh. I see. And both of you were needed to bring me a, and I quote, ‘clumsy girl’ up to date?”

“Oh no. I’m sure Billy, who very enthusiastically volunteered, will do that just fine. I just followed to make sure you don't kill each other. You are welcome by the way.” 

-

After that, you weren’t sure if you were actually becoming friends with Billy (because you didn’t actually need to ‘up your friend game’) or just accustomed to him because he was always there whenever you were doing something with Frank.

Granted, there were times when it was just you and Billy (and multiple other Marines). Like that one time when you were waiting for the showers to turn purple (a term the base had coined to show that it was your time to use the facilities without having to check your surroundings for possible men to appear and take a shower with you.... they had realized how bad it had sounded the moment they had said it to you.)

You had been waiting in front of the facility as there was still around 10 minutes before they would turn purple and Billy had decided to keep you company by starting to annoy you (you couldn't believe how incredibly childish he could be - he gave you wet willies!)

Nevertheless, you had grown close enough to him to tell him about your time as a foot soldier and how you had a knack for repairing stuff, especially cars and aeroplanes thanks to your father. That he had been a military mechanic and that, after your mother had died when you were a baby, he had taken you with him whenever he had to move or do something for the military. That you had practically grown up on military bases and that joining wasn’t even a question, it was the only valid option in your life. And that one day the Marines had asked you to join their new helicopter crew and you couldn't say no, as you had wanted to feel closer to your father who had died a few years prior.

You had also talked about how you never met in New York (or about how Frank skillfully managed to keep you both apart) and about the fact that you guys have the same call sign (well, he and your helicopter). 

That was apparently enough for Frank to give you the “I know I said, I know Maria said, but do not fall in love with him”-speech one night while you were sitting on Billy’s bed, enjoying some alone time with Frank after some hectic weeks of training and strategy meetings.

“Don’t worry,” you had said and patted his back, “you know that my heart belongs to the sky. And, well, to Pete.”

Little did you know that Billy had just entered the tent when you said that.

-

"- hell Y/L/N!”

“It was my pleasure. But you know, maybe next time you could just thank me, one might think you don’t have any manners.”

“You could have died out there!"

"It was a test run Garth. If anything, we would have died together. Also, here I was thinking taking risks is your life motto. I mean, isn’t your name practically Gar-'With some good food I can conquer everything?'-field?"

"With good food, you can conquer everything… and everyone," he winked at you, “because even though the saying goes 'The way to a man's heart goes through his stomach' this applies to women and everybody else as well!"

You laughed and clapped his back as you pushed aside the plastic tarpaulin and let him pass you before leaving the tent as well. 

"Sounds like you gotta invite me for dinner sometime, as soon as we're stateside again!"

"Sounds like it!"

Remembering that you had to get something from your cot you turned around to get it, but stopped in your movement when you caught a glimpse of Billy, his fist tightly shut and his eyes glaring after Garth. Realizing that you were watching him, he turned around and stomped over to his own tent.

-

This repeated itself on multiple occasions. You talking to a fellow Marine or crew member and Billy seeing it and getting angry. Sometimes you realized it, sometimes you didn’t. Like the time in front of the dining tent. 

One of the Marines, you didn’t even know his name, had waved you over to give you a piece of mail that had found its way to him instead of you (apparently your names were similar enough to confuse the guy who had distributed them), apologizing for opening it already. 

You had just shaken your head, saying it wasn’t his fault and had turned the envelope around, causing a beautiful ring hanging on a thin necklace to fall into your hands. Smiling at it while suppressing some tears that were threatening to leave your eyes you had looked up at him. “I doubt you would be caught wearing this anyway.”

Of course, your luck had it for Billy to see him giving you the envelope and the necklace and to disappear through another entrance into the mess hall before he was able to hear you thank the guy for bringing you the envelope.

-

And then there was that time when you were pretty sure that Billy had become more to you. You weren’t sure what exactly, but more.

A Skype call for you had come through during the day, which Billy who had just passed by, accepted and told the man on the other side of the screen to wait while he got you. Sticking around he had to admit that he felt a little green now that he knew that not only Frank but even you had someone waiting for them when they came back. He wasn’t near enough to hear what was being said, but near enough to see you touch the computer before the connection ended and see you starting to cry terribly after that and rushing away, making Billy think the guy just broke up with you.

Frank had found you shortly afterwards (after Billy had gone to him to tell him what had happened, not being a very touchy-feely guy but thinking you might want someone around). He had talked to you, asked what had happened and you had repeated yourself, telling him that “my heart belongs to the sky now. Everybody I ever loved has left me, even though I am the one risking my life every day.”

Frank had just hugged you closer telling you that wasn't true. That he, Maria and the kids would always be there for you, that you wouldn’t be able to get rid of them now, no matter how hard you tried.

You didn’t know how long you had been sitting there, but then Billy had entered the tent, telling Frank that Maria was asking for a Skype call and Frank requested for Billy to stay with you. 

You both had stayed quiet for some time except for your sniffles and hiccups that came from you crying earlier.

“You shouldn’t be crying. You have more than enough men falling on their knees for you.”

Confused you had lifted your head to look at him through teary eyes. “What?” “You shouldn’t be crying because of Pete. I heard Garth inviting you on a dinner date as soon as you’re both on leave again and saw the Marine in Frank’s squad giving you the neck-”

You had started to laugh at that. “Wait what? Please don’t tell me that you’re jealous!” 

“No! Just… just annoyed I guess. I get called ‘Billy the Beaut’ and get called out on my shit and… and then you come along and you’re allowed to dance on all of our noses?” 

You had snorted, wiping your nose on your T-Shirt sleeve. “Welcome to the world of a woman. As normally it's the other way around. Doesn't feel nice, right?” You had chuckled sarcastically. “Anyway, who’s Pete?” 

“Who’s… Who’s Pete? Your boy-, well, your now ex-boyfriend? The guy who just broke up with you over Skype?” 

Being reminded of that Skype call had hurt you, but you had laughed anyway. His stupid conclusions and obvious obliviousness had helped you think of other things. “I might have kissed a Pete once, but I might have lost the memo that he was my boyfriend because as far as I know, I never had one.” 

“But the man-” 

“Was my cousin's doctor and now close friend due to the time we had to spend together.” 

“But you told Frank something about your heart and Pete. Wait, was?”

Of course, he had heard that. “Pete's another name for our bird. Yes, our callsign is Blackbird, but the guys call him Pete and I guess it stuck. And yes, was. He just called me to tell me that my cousin died of cancer. No… please. I don’t need your condolences. I’ve been around death for quite a while. It feels almost normal already.”

“It shouldn’t.”

“I know… but what can I do? I cried and now I have to stand up and make sure that we don’t meet too quickly again, that's what she would want.” 

After that you both had sat there, quiet again, shoulder against shoulder, staring at the green plastic of the tent. Never realising that Billy, however unpleasant that situation might've been for him, never searched for a way out of it.

•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•..•´¯`•.

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[agent-breakdance]

(Icarus Ch. 1) - Game On

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F! MC (Olivia Anika Cohen)

Word count: 1.3k words

A/N: Hey everyone! This is the first ever chapter I’ve written so saying that I’m terrified is a huge understatement. This series will be pretty fast paced and severely ANGSTY so I hope you guys like it! A huge thank you to my beta @deliciouslydeafeningstarlight for putting up with my ridiculous ideas and rants!

Warning: Language

Disclaimer: PB owns characters. There’s lots of Grey’s Anatomy and Friends references with some dialogue borrowed from Open Heart.

Tag list: @deliciouslydeafeningstarlight @drethanramslay @ohramsey @theeccentricbibliophile @justanotherrookie @kaavyaethanramsey @batgirlassociationofgothamcity @tyrilstarfury @lilypills @juneiswriting @fleur-de-jasmin-fdj @mvalentine @sanchita012 @choicesstan1 @junggoku @aylamreads @whatsamottowithyou @utterlyinevitable​ @openheart12​

Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed.

Song: Eye of the Tiger by Survivor.

She stepped out of the car and her eyes swept over the tall imposing structure in front of her.

Johns Hopkins University.

As she walked across the sprawling campus, she thought about the events of the previous years. She felt her chest tighten. Her heart started to race and fill with guilt. Her thoughts took her right back to the battlefield.

The campus was a different side of the same coin. The battlefield wasn’t new to her whatsoever. She had to work hard to survive. She couldn’t afford to fuck up. 

Not then. Not now. 

The consequences were the same. If she fucked up, people died. 

The only difference? 

There, she faced immediate repercussions but here, they would be long and drawn out, haunting her for the entirety of her career as a doctor.

 Her mind flooded with doubt as she started to question her own competence but before she could shake herself out of it, she collided with someone. She managed to catch herself just before face planting and looked up to see a tall, stone-faced figure looming over her with a copy of Harrison’s Principles of Internal Medicine. He had been so engrossed in the book that he had failed to see her coming. 

He looked at her with slight concern, his brow creasing almost imperceptible to most but her sharp senses picked up on it. He immediately schooled his features to a scowl and snapped at her, “Watch where you’re going. I suppose I should have listened to my father when he said the admissions standards are in decline here.” He gave her a withering look before he stalked away. 

She muttered under her breath…. “Jerk.”

Picking up her bags, she made her way to the dorm. She got her phone out and quickly checked her room number. She stood outside the door to her shared room and chanted softly, almost like a prayer…… “Please don’t be a bitch…please don’t be a bitch.”

Apparently, the walls (and door) were thin because a cheery voice called out to her from inside, “You know, I was just thinking the same thing about you…”

Olivia cursed under her breath and opened the door with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I didn’t know the walls were so thin.” 

“That’s quite alright. I was just praying that you weren’t a shark.”

“Excuse me?!” 

“We students gotta stick together right? This whole program was designed to push us to our limits. We won’t get through unless we have each other’s backs! Sharks only look out for Number 1. But what they don’t realize is that there’s safety in numbers. So let’s be dolphins!”

Olivia burst out laughing. “So long as I don’t have to make dolphin noises.”

She held out her hand. 

“Olivia Cohen.”

She was quickly smothered in a hug by her roommate. 

“So nice to meet you! I’m Sienna Trinh.”

As they pulled out of their hug, Sienna fetched a box and held it open for Olivia. 

“Chocolate chip cookies!”, she said. 

Olivia gave her a broad smile. “Oh we’re gonna get along just fine...”

***

Seeing as how Sienna had already been there for a week, she offered to give Olivia a tour of the campus. Olivia agreed though there wasn’t a single part of the campus or the university that she hadn’t thoroughly researched.

As they wandered through the campus, she spotted him. He seemed to be engaged in light conversation with another person. As Olivia looked on, details caught her eye. The reasonable space between them and his relaxed, unguarded stance would suggest that he was with a friend. “So he does have friends… surprising, considering the stick up his ass”, she thought to herself.

“Who has a stick up his ass?”, Sienna asked. That shook Olivia from her thoughts. “Wait…did I just say that out loud?”

“Have you guys met already?” 

“Yup. Mr. Stick up his ass was actually the first person I met here.” She quickly explained their encounter.  

“Whoa… he’s a Grade A Shark for sure.”

They both laugh. Olivia glances over at him, only to be greeted by his stern narrowed eyes staring right at her. Sienna grabs her hand and pulls her along, away from his gaze.

***

He walked around campus completely absorbed in the book he was reading when he heard a familiar voice call out to him.

“Ethan Jonah Ramsey, do you ever not read?”

Ethan looked up and saw his best friend of three years, Tobias Carrick. They had done pre med together. Tobias and Ethan were always complete opposites. Tobias had always been the fun-loving one and Ethan, the wet blanket but Tobias had managed to lead him astray once in a while.

“And what, end up like you? Not a chance.”

“You’d be lucky to end up like this.” He gestured to his body. 

“Anyways, did you meet anyone else yet or are you determined to keep your total friend count at 1 forever?”

Ethan’s eyes shifted slightly as he thought back to his morning encounter but he focused back into the present and smirked. “If it were up to me, it’d be 0, Carrick.”

“Call the doctor, I’ve been wounded. I suppose that’ll be us soon enough… Still we should try to find you some more friends.” Tobias starts pointing at random students. “What about him or her or her?” 

Ethan’s eyes follow his finger as they land on the final person he points at.

 It’s her. 

He narrows his eyes at her and regards her disdainfully as her eyes meet his. His frown starts to dissolve just as she is dragged away by her friend. A flash of regret passes by his face but it’s gone just as fast as it appeared. 

Tobias seems oblivious to this exchange as he keeps rattling on.

***

Soon enough, it’s time for orientation.

Sienna and Olivia make their way to the auditorium which was filled to the brim with the excited chattering of med students.

Amidst the horde of people, Olivia spots a handsome guy waving them over. There’s an air of confidence around him. Sienna leads them over and they take the two seats next to him. 

He extends a hand, giving her a playful wink. “Bryce Lahela aka the hottest med student here.”

Olivia rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile at his confidence.

“Olivia Cohen.” 

Sienna chimed in. “Hey Bryce, where’s the rest of the gang?”

“They’ll be here soon. Went off campus for breakfast.”

“Wait. You two know each other? And there’s a gang? How late am I?” 

“Relax Liv. We all got here way too early and bonded over our soon to be med school debt.” 

“Liv? Nicknames already?”

Bryce winked at her. “I work fast.”

Soon, the rest of the gang arrived but before introductions could be made, the Dean, Dr. Paul Rothman took the stage and a hush settled over the entire crowd.  

He started to speak. “This is the beginning for you. The four years you spend here will be the best and worst of your life. More will be demanded of you than you’ve ever experienced. You will be pushed to your limits and your job here is to soak every ounce of knowledge like a sponge. But, medicine is never limited to what is taught to you. You must be able to think for yourself and use what is taught to you as a guide and not a rule book. The human body is unpredictable. You must be willing to alter and adapt yourself to groove with it.

Some of you will buckle under the pressure; some of you will quit.  But some…some of you will thrive. 

This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That’s up to you.”

As soon as the speech was over, the students looked around familiarizing themselves with their competition. 

Olivia turned to her right and she saw him regarding her with his piercing blue eyes, almost as if he was assessing her threat level. A smirk formed on both their faces at the same time, like they were thinking the same thing…

Game on.

Chapter 2: Rookie Mistakes

[solarcali]

Hiya, I loved your last reading so much so I'm here again(: I hope that is okay and if not then I'm sorry for bothering you.

Would you like to do a simple ship for me with Bts and maybe wayv/nct(if u know of them ofc (: )Oh and I've also got chiron in sag and juno in aquarius😂

Thank you x

Hi again!!! 🌺🌺🌺 

In BTS, I would actually ship you with V, but since I already wrote that, I'm gonna go with my second choice for you, Suga!

So Suga has an Aries Ascendant, opposite your Libra Ascendant. That in itself creates a strong and instant attraction, because you both naturally exude the energy of each other's Descendant (our most complementary partner). He would be soothed by your Venusian qualities, your giving, balanced soothing energy, you would be attracted to his drive, his confidence and "survivor" type of energy.😊

His Aries Venus falls in your 7th house which is great for a long lasting romance. You would enjoy spending time together, and the relationship would be both accomodating (Venus in the 7th house) and passionate (Aries).

His Aries Venus, which is the ruler of his 7th house of marriage and partnership in Libra, is ruled by his Cancer Mars falling in his 4th house, the house associated with Cancer, of family, roots, privacy. And of course you have a bunch of planets in Cancer. So even though your planets square his Aries Venus (which is not that bad since Venus is adaptable by nature anyway), they are with its ruler Mars in Cancer. So he would be strongly attracted to you. As an Aries Venus, he wants passion and a strong physical compatibility in love, which is why we need to look at his Mars to see what energises him.

The conjunction of his Mars with your Sun would be inspiring for him, would highten his physical energy. The conjunction with your Moon would be very attractive, both on a physical and emotional level. It would be hard to keep your hands off each other. 😅 The Mars-Venus conjunction is of course excellent for physical chemistry. As the Mars person, he would naturally take on a dominant role. You also have your Mars in Cancer so you would support each other's goals. This is great because as an Aries Descendant you are looking for someone who is going to bring their Mars energy to you but also awaken your own Mars, as well as your chart ruler (Venus), and he touches all of these.

The Mars-North Node conjunction would be intense and hard to resist. The North Node is that point in the chart that tells us where we need to go in a way, it is both foreign and intriguing. Both the North Node and Mars have an impulsive energy, so it would not take long before you two get together. 😊

He also has his Juno, the asteroid of marriage in Cancer, so you are his type, someone he would want to seal the deal with.

Since his Mars rules his Ascendant too, you would have a positive impact on his life, his physical energy and enterprising spirit.

In Cancer, the overall flavour of the relationship would be very sweet, caring, understanding, protective, family-oriented but also career-oriented especially for you since it all falls in your 10th house.

All your Cancer placements trines his Pisces Sun and Mercury which brings even more understanding. You two could be quite creative and artistic together too, as water signs can often be. He could be inspired by you and vice-versa. Communication would be excellent.

His Virgo Moon in his 6th house matches the energy of your Cancer planets in the 10th house. Like you he is hard-working. Virgo, like Cancer is also caring, in a more grounded, pragmatic way, so there would be a good balance between material and emotional support.

His Moon trines your Taurus Saturn exactly at 26 degrees, which would be very binding and anchoring. His Moon also falls in your 12th house, the Pisces house, so as a Pisces Sun in the 12th house he would be receptive to that contact.

You have Jupiter in Gemini, he has Jupiter in Libra, falling in your first house. Gemini and Libra are compatible energies. You both have a similar vision and perspective. What gives you hope is in alignment. Jupiter rules his planets in Pisces so it's an important planet for him. In your 1st house, he would have a very positive impact in your life, he would be encouraging, like a guide. You would learn a lot from him and you would allow him to shine and showcase the best of himself.

His Pisces Sun and Mercury falls in your 6th house, the Virgo house, which would put focus on daily habits, daily work...etc fulfilling the needs of his Virgo Moon.

It would be a very positive and fulfilling bond. Looking at the synastry I get the feeling that he could be slightly more into you than you would be in him (just a tiny bit). But overall there would be a mutual affection. 💜

In NCT/WayV, I ship you with Kun!

His Sun, Mercury and Mars are in Capricorn, falling in your 4th house, the Cancer house so matching your own energy, and opposing all your Cancer placements in your 10th house, which match his Capricorn energy as the 10th house is ruled by Capricorn. So there would be a good balance between public and private life, career and family. Oppositions are two sides of the same coins, and in my opinion, the Cancer-Capricorn opposition is one of the sweetest. Like with Taehyung, he would be grounded, protective and pragmatic while you would be a soothing presence and emotional support.

Like Taehyung his Venus is in Aquarius with your Juno, an excellent contact for a long lasting and committed romance. Taehyung and Kun are born 2 days apart, they have a pretty similar chart, so this is more or less gonna be me repeating myself a bit. Sorry about that! 😅

Now Kun has a Taurus Moon which is something different. His Moon makes a sextile to your Cancer planets which is a good and easy aspect in synastry, there are enough differences between you two to understand each other well enough, and the differences are complementary. Taurus and Cancer are a great match. The Moon is at home in Cancer and exalted in Taurus so you are both likely to be in touch with your emotions, to be nurturing with each other. Cancer and Taurus both enjoy confort, a cozy home, cuddling. 😊

His Moon also falls in his 10th house, like your own placements in Cancer, so you would both be invested in the same area of life, you both need to bring something to the world and put yourself out there in a sense, to give a lot of love and care on a larger scale. Your Saturn is in Taurus with his Moon too. Although Saturn can be a bit severe, as a Capricorn dominant he would likely find that contact reassuring and anchoring. You would also enjoy it since your 4th house (the Cancer house, so an important house for you as a super Cancer 😊) is ruled by Saturn too so it would be a comfortable connection.

His Taurus Moon falls in your 8th house, associated with Scorpio, a very deep and intimate house. You would be each other's confident and you could possibly be possessive with each other. This connection would be transformative on an emotional level.

His Pisces Saturn trines your Cancer placements, creating a stable bond between you two.

Like with Taehyung, his North Node and Chiron are in Libra with your Ascendant, so he would be very drawn to you and your presence would be healing.

Some other good matches for you in NCT would be Taeyong, Taeil, and Xiaojun but I think Kun is by far the best. 😊

So that's it, I hope you enjoyed it!!! 🌸🌺🌼🌻

[lux-i-fer]

I know that the Hell Family ask was just indulging an anon but could you maybe go into more detail about it, if you can think of details? Like what is the demonic council or as a viscountess or baron how would Charlotte and Dan do their jobs? Also how are Eve and Lilith two sides of the same coin?

Demonic Council: In reality, it’s just a bunch of high-ranking demons with agendas. Typically, they act as demonic advisors for Lucifer in regards to the current Hellish political climate, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own reasons for being there, too. These demons often represent certain interest groups and hold a considerable amount of power/status within their specific area. However, these demons will not be figureheads in tribes or fighting cohorts or the like. We have to remember that upper class demons are high content humanoids. They are going to be your “businessmen”--your white collar workers. They do not do “manual” labor and they do not engage in physical conflicts. They get their prestige from winning intellectual conflicts. Therefore, despite the fact that all demons are trained to fight, you would not see someone like Maze, whose specialty is combat, on the council.

Similar to how many modern day politicians have their own agendas and businesses they’d like to promote, the demonic council also have specific desires that Lucifer must occasionally appease. 

Charlotte and Dan: As I stated in this post, Charlotte would make “a great candidate for dealing with Hell’s more complex administrative problems. Her specialty is hunting down political loopholes that could cause Lucifer trouble down the road.” And, of course, Dan assists her with this work. Basically what this type of work entails is a whole lot of (you guessed it) paperwork! Hell politics are notoriously difficult to navigate, with only Lucifer and Maze truly knowing every single in and out of the laws themselves. This is partially due to the fact that Hell Law was established around the time of the creation of earth, following the creation of Eve and the banishment of Lilith. Demons are largely tribal by nature so when Lucifer finally assumed the throne, a lot of the laws revolved around a society of many tribes operating under a set of mutually agreed-upon laws. However, these laws could differ depending the region of Hell you travel to, since the landscape was vast and endless. The closest comparison I can make to more effectively sketch this out is how many indigenous peoples from our own history had trade deals with their neighbors; however, the rules for these trade deals were not universal across the globe. A trade deal between the Iroquois Confederacy would not be the same as a trade deal between the people of the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The same applies for demonic law. 

So, going back to Lucifer coming to power, he would have had to adapt all of these laws into the modern Hell Law to unite the demons under one governing front. Now, this was obviously a very tricky and precarious task, and there are some laws that are so ancient and specific to the demon species that Lucifer himself doesn’t have a full grasp on what they mean. So it is up to Dan and Charlotte to interpret these laws and ensure that they still remain just and fair (or rather as just and fair as Hell can be). If they are in need of revision, the are sent to Lucifer to look over. If there is something within a law that could potentially harm Lucifer’s right to rule, the law is also sent to Lucifer and so on.

Lilith and Eve: So haha I’m kind of a dumbass. What I initially meant by this was that Lilith and Eve look physically like twins; however, soon after posting I realized that in Lucifer canon Lilith looks like Maze...not Eve. So in this AU, let’s just assume Lilith and Eve are twins. You can scrap that if you don’t like that headcannon, we’re just gonna ignore it anyways, because the phrase technically still applies, albeit in a different manner. 

I view Lilith as holding a Maze-like role before she decided to go up to Earth for good. She would probably enjoy torturing souls and creating hell loops. Eve’s job also has to do with monitoring hell loops. This is mainly due to them being twins in this AU. As I’ve stated before, appearances mean everything in Hell. You can’t just give one twin one thing and the other something else and not expect Hell to riot.

However, their physical appearances aren’t the only reason I chose to say this. Both Lilith and Eve were wives of Adam. They were canonically created by God to be polar opposites of each other. Lilith is headstrong and driven, taking none of Adam’s shit. However, Eve is often depicted with a more Type B, easygoing personality, letting herself take a backseat to Adam’s desires. (Up until the very end, of course.) They are literally two halves of a whole woman. They are both extremes: the shrew and the maiden. Together, ignoring their more complex personality traits, they would form a regular woman. Their ability to work in tandem with each other keeps the hell loops in balance and running smoothly. Lilith sees what Eve misses and Eve catches the things that slip by Lilith.

[gayregis]

i will NEVER forgive L*uren H*ssr*ch for replacing Yen and Geralt's caring and tender first time with whatever the fuck that was in the show. it almost felt like they were playing it for laughs which? disgusting.

they were, i think it was meant to be funny and not like... disturbing. i feel that not all M/F relationships shown on TV are necessarily created equal, and just bc geralt and yennefer are a M/F couple doesn’t mean their romance HAD to be cheapened and dramatized, characterized by disagreements, arguments, and bad sex. cdpr also kind of spoke of their relationship as it occured in the books as if it was characterized by a hot & cold, off & on dynamic, and the only “good” parts about it were the sex and the “witty jokes” which turned out to just be poorly written puns. 

i think all the adaptations miss what actually draws geralt and yennefer together, and that is true vulnerability and need for intimacy. this isn’t so apparent from the last wish because yennefer is not fully developed yet (even though we receive her statements about “you’ve condemned yourself to me...”), but by the bounds of reason we see that she really is upset about geralt leaving her, not just because he did, but because it represents more of the pattern of how she will be abandoned by the people that were supposed to love her, and she ends up having no one. she is “a shard of ice,” she closes herself off to true love for a reason, and once she became vulnerable for geralt, sacrificed for him, he ended up disregarding it (not out of pure selfishness, either, i feel that he was more drawn away by the intense change in lifestyle and his own insecurities). because geralt doesn’t view himself as someone able of love until later in the series, and he carries with him a lot of self-insecurities. in the last wish, we already see him concious about his body, and in a shard of ice, he is swayed by istredd’s vicious comments and begins to believe again what he had assumedly unlearned in yennefer’s presence; that he’s a mutant incapable of love, and whatever he’s feeling are just “atavistic remains” of what was once there before the mutations. with each other, they both show a more vulnerable side to them that they have closed off to the rest of the world. and thats pretty much why no adaptation has got it, because they saw them having a disagreement once and they end up boiling them down to your typical “unhappily married” straight couple trope, the sitcom couple who “love each other at the end of the day, but damn do they get on each others nerves and piss each other off for fun.”

they’re pretty much two sides of the same coin, which isn’t really great for shipping dynamics (i personally prefer “opposites attract”), but it makes for a good story and a good relationship to build up over time.

[violaswimmer]

Hopes for TDP Season 4

Yo! For those of you who don’t know I love the Dragon Prince on Netflix, I’m a huge fan of the show especially of this past season! There was so much that happened (Spoilers btw) and I have so much I want to see in season 4/future seasons! So here we go, some things I hope to see in season 4!

1. Rayla trying to understand and overcome taking a life. Whether we want to admit it or not, Rayla did kill Viren (even if he was brought back to life later). It was somewhat indirect, since Rayla tossed both of them over the tower’s edge. But she probably knew that it would be very unlike for either of them to survive, no matter how powerful Viren had become. I don’t think she will regret her actions, but I think she still feel the guilt of ending someone’s life. Especially knowing that Viren is Soren (now an ally, yay!) and Claudia’s father. 

Also that introduces a new dynamic between Soren and Rayla, who now that they are allies, will probably begin to develop some sort of friendship (hopefully). Soren would have taken his father’s life to stop him, and killed his illusion in front of Claudia without hesitation. Rayla however, actually did kill him. It will be interesting to see how that may help or hinder whatever relationship they will form. It could be that Soren will learn to respect her greatly, knowing that she will do the right thing no matter what (killing Viren to save Zym, knowing that her own life would be in danger). But he could also still view her as his father’s murderer as he deals with his own guilt at attacking his illusion. 

2. Our heroes meet the real threat, Aaravos. Everyone will know that something is up when they can’t locate Viren’s body at the bottom of the tower. I think the search for him will be spearheaded by Amaya who never trusted him and knows the danger he posses and Rayla who would want to retrieve the bag filled with coins, knowing that the bag somehow contains a collection of Moonshadow elves. Something big will definitely happen when Aaravos breaks free of his cocoon. I’m also sure that the Dragon Queen will grow concerned when she hears of the battle and someone describes to her the giant purple worm hanging onto Viren. I’m sure that will begin to jog her memory and our heroes will be introduced to the true villain of the series. 

Viren and Claudia will also be in trouble, the tide has turned and when the cocoon breaks, it’s likely that Viren will not be in control anymore. Aaravos will become the master and promise Viren (and by extension Claudia) what they want, the destruction of Xadia. Claudia may also turn towards the dark side even further, at the loss of her brother choosing Xadia over their family and at Rayla if she is to find out that Rayla was the one who sent Viren to his death. Rayla can also be blamed (at least by Claudia) for the reason that Ezran and Callum no longer trust her, and honestly being the source of the beginning to all of this. Rayla could easily become the object of her anger. 

3. Ezran becoming king, for real this time. Ezran came back to his thrown too early, being a bit naive in his attempts to be king of Katolis. I think he had good intentions which will translate to his true rule and I hope he maintains his ideals for peace having quite literally been the one (along with Callum and Rayla) to forge it. The new threat of Aaravos’s return will shake the unstable foundation of that peace, as a human (Viren) was the one to bring him back. With his new allies, and the battle solidifying his intent as king to maintain peace, Ezran will be the great child-king of Katolis. 

4. Callum and Rayla going on another journey. The Aaravos threat means that the world is going to need all the help it can get! As Ezran sits on the thrown, these two go on a journey to find answers while Callum learns more magic and Rayla helps him while maintain his safety as well as finding out what they can about Aaravos. We think that Callum is the only human to ever understand an arcanum, but perhaps he isn’t the only one. We will also hopefully see what exactly Aaravos did to deserve his imprisonment aside from using dark magic. 

5. Soren and Claudia solidifying sides. We saw Soren and Claudia make some pretty big decisions this past season. Soren knowing what wrong looks like and deciding to join the fight against his father and Claudia trying to please choosing to stay with Viren. Though this one fight did cause some big decisions it doesn’t mean that either of them won’t choose different sides later on. I think eventually everyone will be on the same side (at least briefly) when Aaravos comes into full power. He may try to manipulate Claudia and Viren into following him for a time, but I would find it hard to believe that either of them would allow themselves to be subjugated to him for too long. 

Although I love Claudia’s character, I think she’s going down a road that she can’t come back from (especially bringing her father back, presumably by sacrificing another life, and it probably isn’t another deer). She has consistently shown that she can’t adapt to the idea of elves not being monsters, and that her father may not be the person she thinks he is. He has seemed to treat her kindly (not always but better than he treated Soren) but manipulates her constantly. Making her believe that Soren is a fool (he can be but that doesn’t mean he is a fool, he has his great moments). She also seems to take his word as gospel, never challenging him even when Soren whom she cares for deeply, tried to tell her about the order to assassinate the princes. 

Soren on the other hand has to deal with losing both his sister and his father. Also he has to sit with the fact that when the moment counted, he chose to protect his king and was willing to kill (or severely injure) his father in order to do it. This is something that he will feel guilty over but I don’t think he will regret his actions. He gave every warning to illusion Viren that he wouldn’t stand by as Ezran was killed. That scene is pretty spot on in terms of Soren and Viren’s relationship. Viren has had every chance to be a better father to Soren and for some reason refuses to. He constantly demeans him and underestimates him, favoring Claudia much more. It’s hard to tell when Viren started treating Soren this way, since when their parents split it seemed like Soren liked his father a great deal, enough to want to stay with him instead of going with his mother. I also hope we get to hear about Claudia and Soren’s mother, what is her name and where did she go? It would be neat if Soren met with her again, and we got to see the opposite of the divorce. Soren with his mother and Claudia with her father. 

I’d also like to see Soren begin to learn his true value with his new group. Instead of having his ideas dismissed or mocked I’d like to see him become a really force of good will, seeing that he truly made the right decision by leaving his father. I want to see him develop more into a warrior and leader. 

6. Continuation of relationships development both romantic and platonic. Rayllum anyone? Yes, thank you for this blessing. Janai and Amaya? Beautiful, amazing, love it! Runaan and Ethari, so so good! I hope to see these relationship develop along with new friendships! Soren and Rayla, Soren and Ezran, Amaya and Rayla, so on and so forth! I hope we also get to learn even more about these character pasts, and see them grow as they encounter new challenges!

I think that might be it? For now at least! Let me know your thoughts on the season and what you hope to see next! 

[piduai]

sansa and dany are two sides of the same coin, or rather, are cut from the same cloth - as not to imply that they are drastically different in a sense in which they complete each other, more like they’re each other’s foil in a much more subtler way than arya and sansa are.

they are both pre-teens that are introduced in the game as pawns who gradually gained knowledge and agency just enough to make them players. daenerys was a pawn to a whole bunch of people - to varys and illyrio for the biggest part as they both seem to harbor plans for her that i would not be surprised to learn are different at their core, and to doran martell. these three are high-ranking players, and dany was a tool for them. to viserys in a lesser extent, since he thought he was a player but has been a pawn all along, and died for it.

sansa initially wasn’t part of the game. ned going to the capital and joining the game automatically included her though, and again, unlike arya, who escaped and still managed to stay an ambivalent bystander, sansa had to partake in it. she was childish and she was naive and she immediately made herself one of cersei’s pawns, and with it subscribed to littlefinger’s agenda, who is a much bigger fish in the game than cersei herself. i wager that using sansa has been on littlefinger’s mind since day one, and seeing that he smashed the tyrell engagement plan and most probably was the one to plant the idea of marrying sansa off to tyrion in tywin’s head is foreshadowing to when he formally introduces sansa to the game and tries to feed her the illusion that, by including her, he decided to make her a player - which she doesn’t buy, but becomes one nevertheless.

anyway they both start off as clueless children, sansa aged 11 and dany aged 13. they were both born in nobility, though have drastically different fates; sansa has been pampered her entire life, living in comfort and love and safety, while daenerys spent all her life on the go. from her own words, she knew what it was like to be homeless, cold and hungry. however, they’re both idealists, but while for sansa this is a result of her soft and pandering childhood, for daenerys it’s an innate trait. they were both fed tales of high valor and lies. 

viserys would tell daenerys exaggerated tales about the nobility of their deranged house, while sansa would read stories about knights and ladies. bottom point is that they both, being children, are introduced having inflicted ideals from the outside world, because they didn’t have the means to gain their own themselves (daenerys living in exile with only a delusional brother to teach her about the world, and sansa being highly sheltered). with time and with trauma sansa’s idealism weakens and she becomes more pragmatic, while dany’s idealism becomes stronger. this is where their paths, as children, divide. they mature in opposite ways, seeing that dany grows gaining her own agency and power and security, while sansa lives in perpetual abuse while being a hostage.

fast-forward to when they witness their first murder. daenerys, a child bride, sees a man being murdered at her wedding, and is genuinely horrified. sansa sees a man die during a tourney and thinks to herself how weird it is that she doesn’t care about his death at all. later on they’re both called soft, but they maintain the same attitude towards murder. none of them condone it, and neither of them are inherently cruel, and while they both pray for the death of their enemies, they’re accepting actual deaths differently. 

while marching on meeren, dany sees a trail of corpses of child slaves, and upon establishing her rule, she avenges them - which we see she feels faulty about it; even if in her case murders were justified, she is still guilt-driven. sansa is devastated at ned’s death because it took her completely unawares, but for the rest she doesn’t care - joffrey, ser dontos, lysa tully, robert arryn (implied), as long as they’re murdered for her own sake and safety, she doesn’t feel guilt or grief over them.

she’s still not cruel, though. during the battle of the blackwater we have perhaps some of the most introspective sansa povs. “do you want to be loved, sansa?”, “everyone wants to be loved”.

then sansa gets forcibly married at age 12, a year younger than dany. unlike daenerys, who learnt to cope and developed stockholm syndrome towards her husband, she was utterly miserable in her marriage. eventually she fled, never thinking about her husband again, while daenerys thinks about drogo up to her last pov. however considering littlefinger’s plans for marrying sansa to harry, that would land them both with two political marriages neither of them wanted. “who would dare to love a dragon?”, dany wonders. “nobody will marry me for love”, sansa broods. they both share a fear of not being loved.

and they both want to give that love back. “if i’m ever queen, i’ll make them love me”, thinks sansa during the battle outside her walls, a girl who has NOT grown with the idea that one day she will be a queen (unlike cersei, for example), while in one of her povs daenerys thinks, “ i want to make my kingdom beautiful, to fill it with fat men and pretty maids and laughing children. I want my people to smile when they see me ride by, the way viserys said they smiled for my father”. they both want to live in peace and prosperity, and this is where their idealistic sides show.

they both are also nothing short of dutiful. they yearn for home. “i don’t want to marry him, i want to go home”, daenerys tells her brother in her first pov. she is consumed with dreams about her house with the red door and the lemon tree under her window constantly. at the end of the day, she just wants to go somewhere where she knows she’s safe - a sentiment that sansa shares. at first she was thrilled to leave winterfell, but after everything she’s been through, she realizes that she’s the strongest within the walls of winterfell. home gives her solace, it gives her courage and a sense of safety. but alas, home is not a destiny for either of them. dany is loyal to her queenship, and always puts the needs of her people over her own desires: “it’s time to don my floppy ears”. sansa also has more tully in her than her looks alone, as she does everything required of her despite her personal wishes. they value their sense of duty over their sense of self.

they are both highly adaptable. dany had to quickly adapt to the rough dothraki lifestyle if she ever wanted to be accepted, and sansa had to adapt to the court rules of lies and conspiracies if she wanted to stay alive. they’re both quick learners who can use their head regarding their own survival. “i know that she’s strong. how not? dothraki despise weakness”, tyrion reflects about daenerys in one of his povs. but from their ability to adapt grows the sense of not belonging. daenerys never belonged anywhere she went; firstly within dothraki, then in quarth, then in meeren - she was always considered an outsider, and the house with the red door, she didn’t belong even there. sansa also doesn’t belong where she is. her position in king’s landing is forced, she thinks to herself “they made me a lannister” after being wed to tyrion, but she still didn’t belong there. and later, when she was at the eyerie, it’s brought up in the narrative: “ White towers and white snow and white statues, black shadows and black trees, the dark grey sky above. A pure world, Sansa thought. I do not belong here. Yet she stepped out all the same”.

they also both lost everyone they loved, at some point. “ If Lady was here, I would not be afraid. Lady was dead, though; Robb, Bran, Rickon, Arya, her father, her mother, even Septa Mordane. All of them are dead but me. She was alone in the world now” sansa thinks wistfully. “He’s gone, then. My father and my mother, my brothers, Ser Willem Darry, Drogo who was my sun-and-stars, his son who died inside me, and now Ser Jorah”, dany thinks upon jorah’s banishment. they are both alone in the world. the only difference is that sansa had lost lady forever - and considering that it is implied that the direwolves are literally part of the stark children, bound to them by fate - a piece of her soul with her. dany still has drogon by the end of book 5. otherwise they’re both surrendered by enemies.

i don’t watch the show and don’t care what they did to their characters in there. i’m sure they threw in more parallels and such but i don’t care about those. the only thing i’ve picked up is that they are at odds with each other, and this is what leaves me utterly baffled. they would work together fantastically, and would grow fond of each other, because they have more things in common than it should be allowed for two characters who live on opposite sides of the world.

i really wish they met in canon. i wonder how their relationship would be handled by their actual creator.

[takaraphoenix]

Luke Castellan, Loki, Severus Snape, Pitch Black, Sebastian Morgenstern.

Thaaat is a very interesting lineup and it legit took me a moment to see the common element there. In my defense, it’s late. xD” Thanks for playing! ^o^

Now... what do I rank them by? Judged as characters and how much I like them, or judged as villains...? *frowns*

To quote my favorite should-be-gay cartoon boys: Both. Both is good.

Ranked as characters and how much I like them as characters:

Loki Friggason. A dramatic little bitch. Delightful

Sebastian Morgenstern. Important to note that you said Sebastian because, show-wise, I really do think that Sebastian and Jonathan have VASTLY different... portrayals. And I REALLY loved Sebastian as a character. He had a lot of potential

Luke Castellan. Very tragic. Less child-murder would have endeared him more to me though

Pitch Black. Also very tragic. Amazing character design and delightful take on nightmares

Severus Snape. Little bitch. Not the delightful endearing kind like Loki though; just a weak-ass little bitch who shouldn’t be allowed near children

Nooow as villains/wanna-be-villains/really-villains-who-get-retconned-out-of-villainhood:

Sebastian Morgenstern. Two sides of the same coin, clever, vicious, clear motivation. I think that the complexity of his motivation is played down too much; like the shit and abuse and isolation he went through sure shaped him and should be taken into consideration more (not as an excuse but as a reason, a foundation on which his acts are built)

Loki Friggason. Depending on the adaptation, got delightful clever plans. Backstabbing betrayal always fuels wonderful angst. Clear motivation and goal. Dramatic color-scheme and get-up. All the gay vibes, which, very important for a villain to be queercoded, naturally; Disney taught us that

Pitch Black. Archetype villain but refreshing in this setting. Beautiful show-downs with the hero. Delightful play on the powers between him and Sandy, opposites of the same side. Tried to recruit main character onto his side in a very classic spiel

Luke Castellan. VERY solid motivation, legitimately totally dug the whole spiel, but major point-reduction for genuinely thinking that turning to Kronos of all people would be a good idea. Obviously is that bitch going to use you for his own gain, you moron. Would have preferred for him to go villain without involving the Titans and just straight up taking over Olympus because those bitches really have it coming. Also the repeated attempted child murder; super not cool

Severus Snape. Little bitch. Buhu I was bullied as a child so now I am an abusive adult who enacts revenge by playing out power fantasies over children even though I am their teacher. What a will-they-won’t-they situation but in the sense of “so is he evil? is he not evil?” and it got tired real quick. Still can’t believe the author thought that “but he was IN LOVE with Harry’s mom and BULLIED by Harry’s dad” is a legit justification how this adult person acted toward the kids. What the fuck

Send me five things (whatever you’d like!) and I’ll rank them!

[symphonic--chaos]

Hey I wanted a fic where maybe Rafe or Max gets kidnapped and Malec just loses it and tracks down the person who took their little blueberry or Rafe. Also a really angsty fic where they are just sad and pissed off and all. I mean they’re both trying to be strong each other but kinda end up hurting each other or pushing the other away/having an argument or something. A lot of angst. But happy ending in the end obviously with a lot of tears and fluff. (badass+angsty dads)

Going to a carnival had been all Magnus’s idea, he’d asked just once if Alec thought the boys would be a good enough age to let them go and enjoy one and, despite his mistrust of large crowds, Alec had eventually come around and agreed they could take them. They’d spent time researching different ones across the world, but eventually came to a mutual agreement that perhaps state-side would have been safer, both for Alec’s knowledge of where all the institutes within them were in case of emergency, and also because of language barriers with both Alec and the kids.

“Here’s some money for you and your brother, Auntie loves you more than any of your other aunts and uncles no matter what they say.” Izzy said with a grin as she handed a small panda change purse to Rafael after tucking a few bills within it.

“You really don’t need to give them money, I have money, Isabelle,” Magnus mused with an arched brow, only to be waved off by the shorter figure as she stood and ruffled Rafael’s hair.

“Of course I do, they give me joy, I give them money. It’s an aunt thing.” Isabelle replied matter-of-factly with a toss of her hair. Magnus had not once ever heard of aunts or uncles just giving kids money solely for bringing them joy, but he wasn’t going to argue with her.

“You’re all set with Chairman and where all his necessities are…?” Magnus checked once more, his hand brushing Alec’s as the dark-haired male passed him, that bright smile flashed back at him over his shoulder in response.

“Yes, cabinet, cabinet, porch. Food, treats, toys and litter. Plus the…sweaters in the closet, brush and fashion collars in the drawer.” She knew she wouldn’t be changing his outfit and collar every day, but she knew it would please him that she remembered where they were ‘in the event he needed to look his best’.

“Come on, we’re going to be late for the train.” Alec returned carrying Max, having helped him change into his favorite dark blue jeans and his red T-Rex hood. The small tail on the base of it swayed over Alec’s arm with each long stride he took as if they were big dinosaurs, the boy accentuating the cuteness with loud ‘Rawr’s.

“Ready!” The boy said to Magnus excitedly as he noticed him in the room, lifting a little blue fist into the air. Max promptly broke into giggles as Alec wiggled his fingers against the briefly exposed belly, squirming then to try and get away from him. They’d only been a family for a couple years now, but it always warmed Magnus’s heart to know how well the boys had adapted to the change in their lives.

Looking to Rafael with a smile, Magnus offered a hand to the boy who looked clearly confused by the panda coin purse, tucking it quickly into Magnus’s pocket before his fingers curled around his father’s hand. It was something that Isabelle couldn’t help but make an excited noise over, quick to pull out her phone and snap a picture of the two, then motioned for Alec and Max to join in. “Get together, say ‘Cheese’!” That was what the mundane’s usually said to earn their smiles, but it only earned a questioning look from Rafael, his brow arching and lip curling in the picture, clearly telling of the ‘Why?’ that had accompanied the look.

~~“Oh, look at these cute little toys.” Magnus cooed, bopping the nose of one of the plush dragons at the vendors stand. “I know who would love one of these…” He gave a knowing glance to Max then, who’s eyes were larger than saucers, fingers already reaching for the green one.“Me! I have, please! Please!” The blue child said almost desperately, his horns hidden under a too large hood but threatening to spill out. Alec held on tight, knowing that if he kept any looser of a grip the boy would have easily spilled out. “PLEASE, PAPA!” “Okay, okay! It’s okay, Max!” Alec said with a laugh as he adjusted the boy in his arms to instead move him onto his shoulders. “I want to get it…” Rafael said after a long moment of contemplation. “I want the money now.““Rafe, save the money Izzy gave you, we’ll buy it, it’s no iss-” Magnus started, only to see Rafe’s sure and stubborn face looking up to him as he quickly replied with a firm ‘No.’

Magnus let out a quiet breath, knowing that stubborn look all too well- not only had he come from Buenos Aires with it, but it had only grown exponentially due to a certain Shadowhunter.

“Okay, okay. Let me get the money.” Magnus caved, releasing his hand to reach into the opposite pocket, his free hand already holding the long jacket out of the way. “You know, I’m very proud that you’re spending your money to get M…..Rafe?” The questioning tone had Alec turning his body back to Magnus and their son, having turned Max around so he could poke at a lantern bouncing around in the wind. Magnus seemed confused and rightfully so, as Rafael was gone. Alec turned once more as he looked at the vendor, who was busy selling to other kids, and to their right, an empty space. Nowhere for Rafael to hide, no one around to be blocking their view.“Where is he, Magnus?” Alec’s voice was low, panic already seeping in. A light pat to his head had him realizing he was now holding Max’s ankles too tight, as if he were subconsciously worried that the small one would disappear as well. “Magnus, where’s Rafael?”“I-I don’t know, I let go just for a second so I could get the change purse out of my pocket. He was right here, practically leaning against me, I don’t know how…” He turned quickly, the boys name loudly called then, in a desperate manner that only a nervous parent could manage.

“Rafe!” Max yelled from Alec’s shoulders, immediately catching on that something was wrong and his brother was missing. It didn’t take long before the other two separated and followed suit, calling the boys name.

Using his powers to try and trace any types of footprints from the area they’d been standing had let him see that there was Rafael’s and another set that had stopped behind the small set. The part that confused him most was the fact that neither of them had seen anyone approach, and those steps were where all ended, as if they just… vanished. There was no retreating footprints in any direction, no hint of leftover magic from the spot, like Rafael and whomever had him had just disappeared into thin air. Magnus felt terrible. This was his fault and his throat felt like it was closing up just realizing that if he hadn’t let go of Rafe’s hand, he’d still probably be here. They would be walking and enjoying the carnival, eating greasy foods that they would normally never feed to the children, giving them mountains of cotton candy bigger than their heads and dealing with the sugar-high repercussions later, as if it wasn’t hard enough getting Max to bed.

Magnus had let go, even after all the times he’d promised that beautiful little Argentinian boy that he never would.

Alec weaved through the crowd, calling for their son, his eyes tracing quickly through the crowds as he studied faces and different areas that could possibly be used to hide, though despite what he wanted to believe, he knew that Rafael wouldn’t do this. He was sneaky, rebellious, certainly a terror sometimes, but he knew better than this. This wasn’t something Rafael would put either of them through, especially not Magnus or Max, of whom was still on his shoulders, using the height advantage to look over the crowd, occasionally yelling the other boys name. “Rafael!” He joined in, looking down each alley he passed as the Nyx rune granted him nightvision to see if the boy had perhaps hidden in one.

“RAFAEL!” Magnus yelled, his voice almost cracking, the glamour on his eyes flickering as the magic began seeping from his fingers. Every bit of composure he’d had about himself and managed to hold for decades beginning to crumble away as he felt his heart sink lower and lower. When was the last time his stomach ached like this? Like there was some small, clawed beast digging away at everything within him in a desperate attempt to escape. As Alec’s same yell echoed from across the large crowd, Magnus swallowed, knowing their boy hadn’t been found yet and it only caused his throat to feel thick as he felt dread overcame him.

That dread only grew as he came across a small dirty area with shuffled footprints and two small drops of blood that seemed to have a purple sheen to it- certainly not Rafael’s. However, what was Rafael’s, was the small shoe resting against the wall nearby.

He’d been kidnapped.

“ALEXANDER!”

~~

Magnus’s fingers toyed with the panda change purse in his pocket as he and Alec made their way towards the building they had tracked Rafael to using Alec’s tracking rune. He hadn’t been able to stop touching it, knowing it was the very last thing Rafael had touched other than his own hand, the same way Alec kept the small shoe in the large front pocket of the hoodie he wore. Every emotion that passed the younger’s face broke Magnus’s heart, knowing how attached he was to the boy that he’d worked so hard to protect, and here he was, the cause of his panic.

“Magnus.” Came the quiet voice as Alec’s feet halted, swift unlike the slight stumble that Magnus’s normally steady feet were. “Come here.” It was followed up by Alec’s hand reaching out, pulling the warlock into his arms as his lips rested in the crook of his neck for a brief and gentle kiss before he lifted his head to meet the others shining cat-like eyes. “I can read it all over your face, this isn’t your fault.”

Magnus’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried looking away, only for Alec to turn his face towards him once more, wanting him to believe him. “I mean it, Magnus. This isn’t your fault.”“I let go of his hand–”“You let go of his hand to give him something he wanted. How were we supposed to know someone…or thing, was following us? How were we supposed to know someone wanted Rafe? This isn’t your fault, but we’re going to make the person who’s fault it is, pay.” Alec’s voice had become lower in register, raw as if he were going to cry, though there was more anger in his eyes than sorrow. Not at Magnus, but at the kidnapper.

“You’re right. You’re… Of course you’re right. He’s still here, right?” Magnus finally caved, motioning to the corner store they were outside of, looking like it had seen better days and had been abandoned for years. He could feel magic coming off of it in waves, no doubt there were wards littering the walls, which could only mean it had been a warlock that had taken Rafael.

“Yes, he’s still here. Max, do you remember what to do if anyone comes near you?” He asked the small boy holding his hand, who looked up to Alec with a determined nod. They’d been working on his magic once he’d proved he could reject advances of a demon, starting small with defensive maneuvers that were easy to master, especially with a tiny bit of help from ‘Bapa’.

The trio made their way into the building, Alec’s arm tight around Max, whom he was now carrying to make sure they stayed together. Their attempt to create a portal to get him to safety with Izzy had been something they didn’t want to do out of fear of losing him like Rafe, but it had also been something Max didn’t want, the small blue one screaming like a banshee and clinging to Alec’s arms. “I help save brother! I HELP!” This was the outcome of what it had led to.

“Ah look, your saviors finally found you.” A lisped voice called from a higher area, Alec’s gaze rising to the stairwell to the right overlooking the area they stood in. “He was expecting us,” Magnus said lowly, just enough for Alec to hear, “There are wards everywhere, we shouldn’t have been able to get in if he didn’t think we’d find them.”

“Give me my brother!” Max yelled, an angry growl following as he glared up to the man above them, only to look more than insulted when the man laughed at him and came out of the shadows one step at a time.

“How cute, you brought another one.” The man on the stairs mused, another voice following his from the corner of the room as Rafe was pushed out in front of the lithe figure, his hands bound behind him. This voice was higher pitched and questioningly female, their face perfectly androgynous with the sharp facial features and hawk-like nose, though their hair fell in long, well cared for curls around their shoulder. “The blue one could fetch a pretty penny in the market.”

Magnus could feel the air around them shift, this was the one the wards were created from, this was the one behind Rafe being taken. However, it wasn’t just their presence that caused the tension, he realized, as he heard the ragged inhale beside him from Alec, Max slowly lowered to the floor behind them. Magnus’s hand shifted, magic swirling and weaving tightly to his fingers, only bits sparking back to create an invisible wall behind them to ensure there wasn’t an ambush or anyone to appear behind Max and take him as well.

Alec’s voice changed then, in a way Magnus had never heard before. This voice was so much more than the authoritative leader voice he carried with the other Shadowhunters, this voice was a raw, deep and threatening voice. Something about it sent chills up Magnus’s spine, goosebumps hidden by the fine jacket covering his arms- something that perhaps in a bedroom setting would be enjoyable, but here… this voice was terrifying.

“Give us. Our son. Now.”

It was that voice that had the fear in Magnus’s body shift, all that worry about how this could all go down where they weren’t just dealing with some Mundane or simpler Downworlder, morphing into pure, unadulterated rage. Like someone who poured gasoline on wood before igniting it, Magnus’s powers began forming not only on hands, but traveled like flames all up his body. He was ready for anything and he felt Alec shift beside him, his legs parting in a stance that was ready to attack, one he knew well from the training Alec had given the boys almost every night.

“If only it were that easy. Your kind, you shadowhunters, killed people we loved. We took him as payment, an eye for an eye, ya know?” The androgynous one said in their strange tone, which Magnus finally realized sounded as if two people were speaking at the same time.

“We considered making him a slave, but that’s too good. Bait was better. Now we have all of you. Two Shadowhunters in one room, and two more warlocks. One that can be trained by me.” The voice once floating above them was now level, the man looking past them at Max as his hand came to rest on Rafe’s shoulder.

The bow appeared in Alec’s hand the minute the man touched Rafe, and even from his side Magnus could see the way Alec’s hand shook when nocking the arrow. The bowstring was held but not drawn, his patience small, lingering, but still there as he’d been trained to have. Magnus shifted his hand over, resting it lightly on his arm in a ways to calm him, hoping that just reminding the Shadowhunter that he was there with him, that it would help.

“The only person that will be training Max, is myself.” Magnus said quietly, his voice dripping with the warning of every threat that could have possibly been flung. “It’ll be okay, Rafe, I promise. I’m sorry.”

Briefly, Magnus’s gaze had dropped to their son, wanting to assure him that nothing would happen to him. The glow of blue in his hand only grew as Rafael was roughly pulled back, pushed into a chair and quickly enchanted so he couldn’t escape. What may have been something to bring kids to tears was nothing to Rafael, though the boys chest heaved and his mouth was gagged, his hands bound so tight Magnus knew he’d have to heal him, his eyes were clear of tears. If anything, they reflected the rage his parents had, that anger something that Alec remembered when they had first met in the Shadow Market. Rafael was keeping his calm, staying cool and collected and waiting for his moment like Alec had trained him in emergency situations.

Patience, unlike Alec, was not something he could find in himself when those he loved were threatened. The minute the man stepped forward with a glowing sword in hand, Magnus’s magic had already grown in hand, the ball quickly flung in his direction to disarm him. The androgynous one seemed to be ready for it, diverting it into the wall to their right, easily shattering the doorframe and quarter of the wall there.

It was queue enough to Alec who drew the bowstring and aimed his arrow at the warlock, only halting from releasing it due to Rafael being directly behind them. Alec’s breath escaped short and sharp, but the small boy seemed to understand and with a muffled yell, he threw himself sideways, causing the chair he was on to tip. It was less than a second before the arrow was released, hurtling in the air towards the warlock that had looked back to see what the movement behind them was. There was a thud as it landed in their shoulder, a howled shriek of pain leaving them as their fingers quickly moved to rip it free.

Magnus had wasted no time hurling everything he had in him at the male by the stairs, balls of sparking magic and energy chasing him along as he dove to avoid being hit by each. “Max, get ready, baby.” He called back to the little one, finally stepping forward and away from him to go after the man. Max was careful to stay where he was, knowing the protection Magnus had put up around him would keep him safe enough unless it was destroyed, though it was clear in his little face that the boy wanted to go to his brother.

“Vena, take out the warlock!” The man yelled to the one now tossing the arrow aside and forgetting about their hostage behind them and instead running at Alec and Max, their own magic beginning to travel up their arms and shoulder, causing the platinum curls to begin to float as a frustrated scream began forming in their chest. A blast curled it’s way towards Alec like orange tentacles on the air as his arrows, shot in rapid succession, fell out of their way. Magnus glanced back and focused one hand towards the barrier around Max, quickly working out the beginning of a spell to strengthen the ward, his attention failing him just enough for the ringleader to take advantage, rushing him and throwing his shoulder into Magnus’s chest. The taller of the two went down with a grunt, his barrier flickering as he shoved the man off of him, his fist going out and connecting with a stubbly jaw, his second going in a follow up right hook.

“NO!” Max shouted as he and Alec were approached by Vena when Magnus went down, his own little amount of magic feeding and surging off of the guard that Magnus had put up. A protective bubble of purple energy forming around himself and lifted him into the air, the defense and attack mechanism he and Magnus had worked on for months on end to perfect. The warlock lifted a hand to try and grab him through it, only to hiss loudly in pain, their hand smoking as it pulled back. Alec’s seraph blade was in his hand, glowing and flying through the air within seconds of Max’s yell, and not long after, Vena’s freshly severed hand was falling to the floor.

“Don’t touch my fucking kids.“ He panted as he regained his defensive stance, Max moving to float beside his father. “Max, stay in there, do not come out. Go stay by your brother.” He said as he turned the blade in his hand, pacing at Vena’s side as they writhed in pain on the floor, holding their stump of a wrist. “Come on, you wanna go after them, you’ll have to take us out, first. Get up.” He said as he lifted his arm and wiped sweat off his forehead, his body tense and ready. “Magnus, you alright back there?”

“Great!” Magnus called back with a loud grunt as he was shoved into a wall, feeling stronger now that he didn’t have as much going on in protecting Max. “So,” he pinned his opponent against the wall, his magic swirling around his neck as the flame-like magic reached his eyes. “Very,” the magic tightened and the man gagged, his feet lifting off the ground. “Great.” He finished as the man was slammed against the wall, knocked unconscious by how hard his head hit. Magnus’s attention turned then to Vena, lifting themselves up from the ground and cradling their lack of hand to their body.

“Are we done here? Have you learned your lesson?” Magnus asked as he tried to catch his breath, standing between Vena and their children. “We have a parade to go to, I’ve spent far too long planning this for you to ruin it for my kids, or anyone else’s kids.” He looked back as Rafe forced his arms around his legs, bringing them to the front and pulling at the cloth in his mouth as he tried to get free. “Stay in there, Max.” He followed up with Alec’s earlier words, not wanting to risk anything until everything was cleared.

“By the authority of the Clave, you’re both under arrest.” Alec’s grip tightened around the hilt of the sword, knowing fully well that they both wanted to do much more damage just for the trauma they put the kids through. Magnus harnessed what he had left of his energy, a portal opened beside him and moments later a few guards from the local Institute stepped through, grabbing both Vena and the unconscious man nearby. Before they had gone to find Rafael, they had made sure to get in touch with the nearest institute to have them on the ready. Alec watched them and looked to the one whom he’d spoken to, knowing he was the head of their Institute. “Make sure they go straight to Idris, straight to trial. Tell them to not show any mercy.”

Once they had gone through and the portal had closed, Alec let out the breath he’d been holding in, the seraph blade dropping to the floor as his hands rested on his knees and he bowed his head. Magnus moved immediately to Rafe, undoing the bindings around his wrists and legs, untying the fabric from around his neck where it had once been in his mouth. Max dropped out of the bubble and rushed towards Alec, who quickly scooped him up, his face burying in the small boys neck as he hugged him tight to himself, a relieved sigh muffled by Max’s sweatshirt. Rafe’s arms immediately went out to wrap around Magnus’s neck, the worry heavy on his face and Magnus knew that it wasn’t even for himself, but for he and Alec. His sassy, stubborn, selfless boy.

“I’m sorry. Lo lamento mucho, mi amor.” Magnus whispered, his arms wrapping tightly around Rafael as if he was afraid to let him go again, as if they were still around and about to take their boy away from him again. Rafe’s fingers curled in Magnus’s shirt, his breathing quick but stabilizing as he calmed in the elder’s arms, the tension leaving both their bodies. Alec’s arms soon joined as he dropped to his knees beside them, Max trapped (happily) between all three, squirming in between Magnus and Rafe then to hug his older brother.

“Do you want to go home? We can go home if you want. We don’t need to stay.” Alec asked Rafael before his lips rested on top of the boys head, pressing one, two, three kisses to the sweaty mop of curls.

There was a long moment of silence as Rafe looked between Magnus’s many necklaces, at the blood that had dripped down from his nose during his fight with the man earlier. They shifted to the side, to the rune covered arm wrapped around Magnus’s back, the other behind himself and keeping him close. Finally they rested on Max, his little face full of worry over his silence, the hood having fallen away to reveal the horns beneath as he looked up at his big brother. He took a deep breath and shook his head, trying to offer a smile to Max.“Max should see the parade. Sea feliz.” He said up to Magnus, who’s face softened as he offered a small smile and a nod.

“Okay,” Magnus started, then paused, “only on the condition that you let me carry you. Please?” It wasn’t that he didn’t trust it not to happen again, he would have held tighter to his hand, but now he just wanted to keep him as close and safe as possible.

~~

“A DINOSAUR!” Max yelled happily over the loud music played by the passing marching band, a large dinosaur balloon passing by as walkers held the strings securely. Rafael held onto the green dinosaur they’d been looking at earlier, keeping it close to himself as he silently watched everyone passing by, Magnus’s hand gently stroking his back as his free arm supported the boy sitting on his hip. They had come to the agreement that if at any time Rafael wanted to leave, there would be no questions or hesitation, they would portal right out.

“Want to get some cotton candy?” Magnus whispered to Rafael as a vendor approached with his cart. Rafael’s fingers moved to his pocket, carefully pulling out the panda coin purse that Alec had stashed there earlier, offering it up to Magnus.

“Keep the money, Rafe. We’ll always take care of you.”