#i pay for premium this should be a thing already

[straightouttapandora]

I don't want a lot for Christmas

There is just one thing I need

"Unlimited audiobook listening on Spotify," I plead

[jinwoosbabyboo]

“Premium Air”

LADS Men reacting to MC getting “Premium Air” in her tires.

Zayne

Zayne: Is everything taken care of with your car?

MC: Yea I just had a low tire I don’t understand why it costs $300 though

Zayne: I’m sorry. Come again?

MC: Yea luckily I make good money as a hunter but it still sucked

Zayne: Explain yourself

MC: I got premium air in my tires why are you so upset?

Zayne: *Throws coat on* send me the location of the place you went I’ll be back in an hour

MC: ZAYNE WAIT WAIT I WAS JOKING HOLD ON

Zayne: *Already out the door*

Rafayel

MC: I’m back!

Rafayel: There she is … did you get your oil changed ?

MC: Yea they also put air in my tires do you know why it costs so much?

Rafayel: What? The oil change?

MC: No the air

Rafayel: The air?

MC: Yea I didn’t realize premium air was a thing

Rafayel: ….are all humans this stupid?

MC: why are you being rude?

Rafayel: AIR IS FREE BELOVED

MC: THEN WHY DID THEY CHARGE ME $300?

Rafayel: ….Say sike right now

MC: Okay you’re scary when you’re serious I’m joking

Rafayel: Don’t ever do that again I was about to kill someone

MC: What?

Rafayel: What?

Xavier

MC: Why does air for tires cost so much?

Xavier: It? Costs??

MC: Yea they charged me $300 for premium air

Xavier: I had no idea you could get premium air maybe I should look into getting that as well

MC: …..

Xavier: …..

MC: …. Baby air is free please don’t let someone scam you into buying air

Xavier: but you said-

MC: I was pranking you good lord Xavier we can’t both be out here getting scammed

Sylus

MC: Having a car really sucks sometimes

Sylus: Tell me what’s wrong I’m all ears

MC: I had to pay $300 to get premium air in my tires

Sylus: Nevermind im not listening

MC: Where are you going?

Sylus: To see just how premium "Premium Air" is

MC: Sylus no

Sylus: …

MC: I was just playing

Sylus: …

MC: Give me the gun

[lokis-army-77]

Premium Air

mondern!Eddie Munson x fem reader

Word Count: 1.1k

It's a few days after April Foos, Eddie isn't expecting you to pull a koke but you have something up your sleve.

Warning: noting! unless you count cursing

Thank you to my beta readers @munson-blurbs and @lofaewrites

Masterlist

You loved seeing the harmless little pranks that people would play on their significant others on social media and with April first already behind you, you knew Eddie wouldn’t suspect a thing. 

It was a bright Wednesday afternoon, you were at Robin's for a much needed girls day when you decided to put your little prank into action. 

"Hey, Rob, you wanna watch as I give Eddie a mini heart attack?" You ask as you wiggle into a more comfortable position on her couch.

"Oh my god, yes!" She excitedly shuffles over to you, leaning her whole body over your right side. 

You're both a giggling mess when you send the first text message. 

Hey, so my tire pressure light just came on, do I need to go have it checked?

It takes a few minutes but he eventually responds.

Is it still driving alright? 

Bring it to the shop when you get home from Robs, I'll fill it up before I leave work.

Yeah, it's driving just fine. The screen says it's my front passenger side tire.

You'll be fine to drive back home, I'll fill it up then, baby.

You leave it be for around thirty minutes as you and Robin think of what you should say next.

So Robin said I should go get it checked out and we were worried I wouldn't be able to drive all the way to your shop so I came to the one by her house.

I didn't know air was so expensive 😫. 

It was no more than a second later that your phone started to ring in your hands. Eddie's contact photo lighting up the screen. You swiped it away and you could feel Robin beginning to silently laugh 

Sweetheart, answer the phone.

Another call that you decline.

What do you mean expensive? Answer your phone!!!

Don't worry, Eds, the guy gave me a good deal! I think it's bc he thought I was pretty.

What do you mean by a good deal? Sweetheart, how much did you pay?

You and Robin can hardly contain your laughter. Tears are running down your faces. 

"I feel so bad, but it's so funny!" You cry. 

Robin nods along, "Don't, it's totally hilarious." She wipes her tears away and points at your phone, "Don't acknowledge those questions yet, say something about how he didn't notice the pretty comment."

You get to typing, fingers gliding over the keyboard.

Wow, I would have thought you'd be upset at another man...

Baby ,that is the last thing I'm worried about. HOW. MUCH. DID. YOU. PAY.

Well he said it was like premium air so it was on the more expensive end but apparently it won't seep out as fast as regular air.

You can see the read receipt and the three little dots as he begins to type. Your heart is beating wildly in your chest as the typing stops and he calls you again only for you to ignore it once more. 

Robin is beside you, howling as she holds her stomach. "This is the best thing I have EVER witnessed in my life!"

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, ANSWER YOUR PHONE. HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND? BECAUSE PREMIUM AIR ISN'T REAL

So the guy said it's usually 250 for all 4 but he said he'd give me a deal and give me all 4 for the price of 3... is that not how much it usually is?

You need to tell me what shop you're at. Are you still there? Put me on the phone with this fucking guy

Eddie, I'm not putting you on the phone with him.

Sweetheart, why in the world would you take your car to someone else??? I'm literally a mechanic. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FREE!! 

Are you mad at me?

No, I'm not mad at you baby. I just need you to put me on the phone with the shop owner or someone, anyone. Air in all 4 tires is never gonna be over like 5 bucks...

I told you I'd take care of it, why didn't you just listen 

You almost double over, laughing harder than before. You could tell you were stressing him out, that he was trying to keep from freaking out. 

"Oh my god!" You cackle, "I think it's time to break it to him or else he might actually have a heart attack or maybe an aneurysm. 

Eddie calls you one last time and this time, you answer, sushing Robin as you press the speaker button. 

"Thank fuck, Sweetheart, put me on the phone with the asshole that scared you." His face was gruff, the growl of irritation bringing a shiver lust down your spine. 

"Eddie, baby, calm down." 

"I'll calm down when I get you your money back," he huffs. You can hear the sounds of his shop muffled through the speaker. 

You can't help the giggle that slips past your lips when you make eye contact with Robin. 

"This is not funny," he stresses. 

The giggles continue to bubble up, "I know I know, but I can't help it. I love you so much."

"I love you too, now please let me talk to the guy, I really don't wanna ask again." 

Robin takes your phone at that point, clearing her throat and proceeding to do her best impression of a blue collar man.

"Hey, this is Rodger, at you just got pranked garage, how can I help you?"

"Yeah, you can help me, I-" Eddie stops mid sentence. 

You've got your hand covering your mouth as you try, and fail, to cover your chortles.

"Wait a second... Robin?" All the building anger in his voice disappears as he slowly realizes what's happening.

Robin begins wheezing as you grab your phone back, "We got you!" You gleefully exclam into the phone.

"We got you good!" Robing teeters back on her legs, almost falling from the couch.

You can hear the shaky sigh of relief fron the receiver on the other end. "Thank God. Baby you had me going crazy over here. I was about to drive to every garage in town to find you."

"I'm so so so sorry, baby. I really am but we didn't do anything for April fools like we usually do and I just knew you wouldn't be expecting this."

Eddie lets out the longest sigh of relief you've ever heard. "Shit, sweetheart, I'm getting too old for these pranks."

"You're 35." You deadpan.

"And it's all down hill from here."

You can't see it but you know he has a shit eating grin on and you roll your eyes. "I'll make it up to you when I get home."

"You better."

[yanderefarm]

Currently caught up on your posts and saw what 🪐 anon said so to make this better lets break some more yanderes!!

We already got some Nephy content so let's step it up a notch..

How about making some of the yanderes totally codependent on us in order to even live?? Like we go really extreme and remove one of their limbs sort of things because if they're willing to do anything to keep us then we should return the favor to them

I have an issue...

-🐝

cw;; cannibalism, gore, amputation, violence, abuse, ableism (kind of?? this isn't meant to be realistic depictions to begin with so take it with a grain of salt), amputation kink, dehumanization, dumbification, pet play, dead dove don't eat

ohhhh the amputation ask was about us doing it. still. its an amputation kind of night so we're doing it.

i can only see this with a few of them so im just gonna write about them. tbh i could probably also do something with ajax but i don't know what.

silvan;; he can't hurt himself anymore if he doesn't have arms. after being particularly bad and hurting himself enough to leave an ugly scar you decided to go through the process of having his limbs removed. it's usually reserved for cruel pet owners but in your case it's necessary for his own well being. well removing his legs wasn't necessary but you thought it would be better that way. he's completely dependent on you, he has no choice but to spend his days being carried by you or his maid because you refuse to give him any mobility aids. the only time he gets a taste of freedom again is during parties where you outfit him in beautiful but barely functional porcelain prosthetics. he can't move his hands and he can just barely walk so he still has to rely on you.

imagine him cutely waking you up by crawling over top of you. you open your eyes and look up to see his cheeks red and tears in his eyes. poor thing needs you to carry him to the bathroom, you give him a little kiss before you put him on the bed. you watch him squirm and try to sit up before you finally pick him up like a child. his tears soak your nightshirt as you carry him to the bathroom. he's so pathetic.

achilles;; the ultimate punishment. one of your regulars in your streams and as a customer asked you one night how much for a leg, normal question for you. except he meant achilles leg. and he was willing to pay millions for it. achilles and you spend a long time talking it over. it's not that you don't love the idea of taking away his life and making him solely dependent on you but you're worried about him waking up one day hating you for doing this to him. he assures you that's impossible and even if he did wake up one day hating you he would want you to break him back into place. he asserts over and over that his life, his body, his mind are all yours to break as you will. so he loses a leg. and then an arm. and soon enough your cute toy is just a sweet little thing that needs you for everything.

imagine him crawling as best he can over to you whining the whole way. you take pity on him and pick him up, sitting him in your lap while you play games. everyone in the stream says hi to him so excited to see him and his face that was once the picture of stoicism lights up with glee. he waves a nubby arm at them and almost falls off your lap. you give him a gentle kiss as you fix him between your legs. you have to remind him again to use his words and he struggles to think like he has every day since he became a happy little toy. "fhank you!!" so cute.

noemie;; he's premium meat and you've always found it a waste not to eat him no matter how much you like him. so when he gets on your last nerve you decide you've had enough. he screams and cries like a proper pig but you can tell even through his tears he's so happy. you only take his limbs and let him keep the rest because that's how much you like him. he is so grateful when he watches you eating one of his legs and you're kind enough to feed him some as well!! and now, you take your four legged piggy and you put him in your bedroom, metal on his nubs, hook in his nose, a little fake pig tail in his ass. he's a reward for you after a long day of work. sometimes you take him out and carry him around for some fresh air and to see everything you've been working on.

imagine opening the door to your bedroom to see your little piggy sitting in his bed on the floor looking excited to see you and immediately oinking. you pick him up and carefully remove his nose hook before you start to head to the bath. you're covered in blood and grime from work and he smells sweaty. he'll cuddle against your chest while he talks about what he thought about all day and how much he missed you. in the bath he'll splash and blow bubbles and be all excited you have to take him out and wrap him tightly in his towel so you can actually clean yourself. but he'll never stop talking and praising and smiling at you.

[kookie-krumbss]

checkmate 01 :

synopsis :

It's been 5 years since you've last been on the dating app - checkmate. The premise of the app is quite simple: enter your bucket list, and the algorithm finds your best mate to check off your bucket list goals. With a free premium pity membership given by the app, maybe its time to hop back onto the dating scene.

genre : fluff, angst and smut (the trifecta!)

pairing : photography major/ bartender jungkook x econ major/ accountant reader

written - march 05, edited - march 07 ✅

song reccomendation - do or die (dpr arctic + dpr ian)

Your hands grasp on the cold metal rod of the indoor balcony, viewing the sea of sweaty bodies clammed together like sardines in a tin.The disco lights cast an iridescent shimmer across the clumps of honeyed skin as they move in unison to the electro pop beat. Unsurprisingly you don’t spot Saori on the dance floor, despite her promises of showing up on time today. 

Awkward in your skin, you decide to walk towards the bar trying to find some liquid courage to calm your nervous system. You part through the sea of skimpy outfits and caked faces. Only after the song comes to an end do your elbows meet the grained wooden slab of the table and your ass meets the black bar stool.Not having stepped foot in a club for over five years, drink options seemed to have tripled in the past half a decade. You felt overwhelmed by the variety of tall, short and skinny glasses as well as the range of colorful liquids and toppings trapped in glass bottles. 

You were swamped with college trying to desperately keep your scholarship from slipping away and juggling a part time job with an internship to try and get your foot through the doors of accounting firms. So clubbing wasn’t quite a high priority of even possibility. But now that you're surrounded by the neon signs and clambering bodies, you don’t find yourself missing the club at all. The sensory trifecta of strong floral perfume, alcohol and cigarette smoke was already starting to give you a migrane, just 20 minutes in.

After your train of thought comes to a quick end about your dreadul and hectic university life , your eyes shift from the floating menu on the wall to the bartender who pops up infront of you .

 As you begin to utter your order, your tongue seems to be forcefully tied with an invisible string, your jaw slacks and completely betrays you. And your left opened mouth with your eyes bulging out of their sockets. 

“Jungkook?” you utter as you glance at your former college classmate.

Equally stunned he looks at you with jaw agape, “Oh my gosh, what are you doing here?” you question. 

“Oh I work here right now,  the job market kinda went to shit after COVID. Especially for photography. Not sure if you know Mark but he opened up this place and offered me a job till I got a photography gig”

“That’s awesome” you chime in, proud that he hasn’t given up on his dreams. From what you remember he was quite good at his craft. He was always around campus taking pics for the school website or his portfolios. 

“Nah, now that I think about it…I should have majored in something more practical and pursued photography as a side job..Like you, you studied econ right? Bet the pay is goood” He replied.

“Well, it’s not too bad,” you chirp. 

Econ wasn’t really your first choice either, you’d always wanted to run a small business selling art or little trinkets, but you realized that the risk was huge and with no college degree, you would have nothing to fall back on if things didn't pan out. So you picked the next closest thing and majored in econ. Plus your tiger parents would have never let you pursue something in the arts.

 “Well I’m sure something will pop up soon” you smile, as if your request would float right into God’s ears and a job acceptance would graciously fall into Jungkook's lap. 

Despite your empty promise, he smiles and asks for your order. 

Your order, right, you knew you were forgetting something. “‘I’ll have a tequila” you state casually.

His pierced eyebrow forms an arch. Damn when did he get that, you don’t remember a small stud crowning his eyebrow in college. Not that it looks bad, quite the opposite actually almost as if it belongs right in the middle of his perfect arch. 

“If you're anything like your college self, I would recommend a cocktail ... .maybe a pina colada” he smirks. 

Damn he might look good, but he’s sure become an ass since college. 

Sure you were slightly lightweight but how did he even know that, it’s not like you guys were that close. You only shared one class together which was your elective : art history and you were acquaintances at best.

“Well I’m feeling tequila” you state defensively.

He mutters a quick ‘alright” and pours the shot so speedily yet so gracefully, it’s implicit that he’s been doing this job for a while to have mastered the bartending technique.

As you dig into your purse to pay for the drink, you feel a bracelet clad arm choke you causing you to almost scream from the top of your lungs. Until you realize it's Saori in all her glory. “It’s on me” she says smugly, handing her credit card to a somewhat choked up Jungkook. 

Jungkooks subconscious thoughts seem to spill out of him, “Are you guys, girl…friends or girlfriends?” he questions once again perking up his eyebrow. Maybe since you never dated in college, he assumed you had a gay awakening rather than realising you had no game and the only person you slept with was your econ textbook. 

Saori’s eyes form into crescents as she replies “Please! I don’t swing that way… I have a boyfriend, I’m just her sugar mommy for tonight. I promised her I would be on time, and I was like 30 mins late, so I owe her some drinks to make up for it.”

Jungkook, let's out a small chuckle and hands you the drink. Your fingers touch his and you almost jolt at the sensation of his warm soft skin. 

He glances at Saori a final time and replies, “I’m pretty sure this is her first time clubbing in over five years, this drink is on me”

Author Notes -

Please note that this is my first time publishing a fanfiction. So, If I'm doing something wrong, don't hesitate to let me know privately. I am terrible at consistency, so I'm hoping to write shorter chapters more frequently rather than writing longer chapters and not posting as much. Thank you @lovingkoalaface and @hiilovetata for the reblog!

masterlist

previous | next

[saijspellhart]

Guys, buy physical media it’s dying. They are taking it from us.

My local Meijer (a regional variant of Walmart) has stopped selling physical media. Like outright. It’s now gift cards for streaming services, and online shit. They are phasing out physical video games too. They are phasing out laptops, DVDs players, blueray players.

I know, I know, streaming services are so easy and convenient. But like, you don’t own it. You are at the mercy of the services. Once they kill physical media completely they can hike up the prices as steep as they like, $30, $40, $50 and more a month. Because it will be the ONLY way (short of pirating) that you can watch shows and movies. They will make it cable and satellite premium levels of expensive. And you won’t be able to stop them. They’ll hold your favorite shows hostage behind paywalls and micro transactions. They’ll vault up shows and movies and make them unavailable for long periods of time. You’ll have to have 7 different streaming services all costing $40 bucks a pop to watch the things you want.

You’ll have access to NOTHING without paying a premium. And remember, you already pay money to have an internet connection. Are streaming services really as affordable as you think? Internet price + the price of each service? That adds up. And they keep raising the price, and will keep raising the prices, because they know you’ll keep paying.

Having physical media means you get to watch your favorite shows and movies anytime. With or without internet connection. Broke as fuck? You can still watch it, because it’s yours. Did they lock up your favorite show or movie to make it more exclusive? You can still watch it with physical media because you own it. Want to let your friend borrow it? You can lend it to them, or burn them a copy. No need to fret about stupid services cracking down on password sharing. Want to watch the movie or show with online friends? You can stream DVDs over Discord so friends can watch with you.

(Am currently streaming Teen Titans the original animated series with my best friend over Discord. It’s mine, so neither of us pay anything to watch it together.)

Companies are writing off physical media as unprofitable. They are culling it. Taking it out of stores, making it less accessible.

People around me talk about all these movies and tv series they’d love to watch, but have to buy another streaming service to access it. And I offer to let them borrow the DVDs or Blueray, and they straight up tell me they don’t own DVDs or dvd players. Why?! WHY!? They subscribe to 4 or 5 different service instead forking out $50+ a month. But they put themselves at the mercy of these services, at the mercy of internet connectivity and access. They can’t even borrow a movie or show from me, because they are so dependent on internet and streaming.

Did you know there are literally ways to save your movies digitally and take them on the go? Streaming should be a neat little thing that’s convenient, it has its perks and uses, but it should NOT the only way to watch media.

Save physical media.

Buy a dvd player.

Buy movies.

Buy shows.

Own your media.

Stop renting it. Streaming is just glorified rental.

Stop renting it.

Because soon that’s all you’ll ever be able to do.

[starscabaret]

Hear me out…

Jaden getting addicted to reader’s smile as she becomes his own addiction

Smile Struck Introduction

pairing: yandere! Hood Drug Dealer Jaden 💸 x Fem Reader

summary : meeting of course, its a little long but enjoy n give feedback! I love Jaden omg

warnings: drugs will be involved in most of his stories… he’s a drug dealer duh! and cursing

Authors note : check out my oc profiles to learn more about jaden

Jaden liked to drive to clear his head. Of course, he could relax at home. But something about driving with no purpose other than to think and listen to music calmed him. There was no destination, that would ruin the relaxation. He just drove until he felt calm. He could think straight. Breathe easy. 

And he loved his car. He cared for it like it was his first and only child. He never let his car get dirty. Never missed an oil change. Hell, he never even let the gas go below a quarter of a tank. His car was just one of the things he was proud of. His career choice although illegal, he was proud of.

He always made sure his family was straight. He played it safe, he had little to no enemies, and his criminal record was clean. He also had respect. In his hood, people knew and respected him. He didn’t sell to kids, he didn’t go around starting fights, and he didn’t bring the cops snooping around in the area. 

It was a Monday night, people weren’t exactly blowing up his phone trying to get served, so he had time for his relaxing drive. As his drive neared its end he stopped at a nearby gas station. His car would attract attention of course, but nothing most folks weren’t used to. This was the inner city, with plenty of tricked-out cars. 

He wanted a pack of gum and a bottle of water. Also to fill his beloved car with premium gas. He loved to chew gum. Later you’d notice when you kissed him you could taste it. 

He hopped back on the highway to head home. He felt great. Things were good for him. Business was good. Life was good. His mom didn’t have to worry about much. That’s what mattered most to him. 

A smile on his face as he drove, was soon removed. He felt the powerful jolt of another car hitting his rear. He was a player but not too player for a seatbelt luckily. He was unharmed …. But his most prized possession was not. His jaw clenched as he unbuckled his seatbelt to get out of his car and assess the damage. Oh, and curse the other driver the fuck out! 

They were 100 percent at fault. They rear-ended him. He would never drive so recklessly not in his baby! When he stepped out of his car he was bombarded by you.

“OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OK??? IM SO FUCKING SORRY PLEASE DO NOT CALL THE POLICE!!!”, you screamed frantically with tears streaming down your face. In your disheveled state, you grabbed him, hands all over his chest checking for injuries. 

Wow, you were breathtaking even in tears and in shock. He had expected some ugly ass old man had hit his car. Not you, the most gorgeous woman he had seen in a while. He had to get on your good side. So instead of cursing you out as previously planned he grabbed your hands and held them to his chest, “I’m fine, are you ok? no cops sweetness I promise.”

“Oh hello, my goodness, yes I’m ok, but I’m sure my car isn’t, and I don’t even want to think about what I’ve done to yours.” You replied hands still in his against his chest.

“Don’t worry we’ll get it fixed, from the looks of it mine is still drivable… but yours … you should probably call your man to pick you up.” He was fishing, he hoped and prayed you didn’t have a man. And even if you did, no one he couldn’t get rid of.

“Uh no actually I don’t have a boyfriend, I’ll call my dad, he’s going to kill me …fuck.” With that realization, you began to sob. Cute, you were a little crybaby. 

“Shh shhh, I can drive you, and I can get it towed I know a guy it’s free.” He cooed; he already didn’t like to see you cry. Especially if he could fix it. He had tons of connections, none with a tow truck though, no worries he’d pay. 

“No that’s too much, I fucked your car up, and now you’re helping me, you should be getting my information and taking my dumb ass to court.” You replied. 

“Oh yeah that, let’s exchange information, I just need your name and number my insurance company can sort the rest out.” That was a lie, he didn’t plan on filing a claim, and he had enough cash on him to cover the repairs. But he did need your name and number. 

“Of course, it’s f/n l/n, 000-000-0000” you spoke while he inserted it in his phone and texted the tow company. 

“Got it, my guy is on the way with the tow truck, oh and I know a nice repair shop it’ll be the cheapest I told him to take it there. I’m sure I can get you a low price.” Now that was the truth, his uncle had one of the best repair shops in the city. The price would be free because he would pay and not tell you. 

“My gosh I can’t thank you enough sir, you are so nice, especially considering the circumstances” You couldn’t believe the kindness and mercy of this handsome … very handsome stranger after you hit his very expensive car. 

“No problem, it’s what I do. You can call me Jaden, not sir, sweetness. Hop in, I’ll take you wherever you need.” He replied with a smirk. 

And that’s when he saw it…. Your smile. Your smile was so big, bright, and beautiful. He swore he almost fell over. Your smile was natural he could tell you never had braces but cared for your teeth. They weren’t fake like the veneers lots of girls would get these days, they were natural in color. He swore he could count all 32 of them. 

You were gorgeous before. but something about that smile. It did things to him, his mind, his body. He knew he would do literally anything to keep that smile on your face. Whatever it took, whatever he could do. And if it was something he couldn’t, he’d become a better man for you so he could. 

He had to see you again. He had to make you want him like he wanted … no needed you. Even though you had nearly demolished the back side of his first love, and when he thought about the damage, he damn near threw up. You had given him the opportunity to insert himself into your life, so maybe it wasn’t so bad after all. 

So, as he drove to your apartment, you two talked, starting to get to know each other. You both liked what you saw and what you heard. He realized you were new to the city, no close friends, or relatives. No way to get to and from work while your car was being repaired. So, he offered. Of course, at first, you declined it was too much. You barely knew each other, he had already done so much, what about his job? He reassured you and told you he owned his own business it was fine, what else would you do? So, you agreed. He was elated, now he could see his sweetness every day. At least for a little. But no, it wouldn’t end there, he was smooth. He’d ask you out before your car was fixed. Fuck that he’d ask you as soon as possible. He didn’t mean to rush things. He just knew you were perfect for him. 

The first day he came to pick you up, you texted him to honk and just text he was outside. But he was a gentleman at least for you. He came to your door and knocked. You were shocked but smitten by the gesture. Even more so when he had breakfast ready for you in his car, opened all the doors for you, buckled you in, and asked what you wanted to listen to. That same evening, he asked you on a date at the end of the week. To which you agreed. You were excited, he was kind, and so many other things. Your rides to and from work were filled with laughs and smiles from both of you. 

On that Saturday evening, you two went on your first date. He made sure to trap all week so he could spoil his darling. He took you to a very nice restaurant. He sat beside you in the booth, not across from you. He liked to be closer to you. His large body blocked you in and you couldn’t even be seen by outsiders he liked that. Your outfit was beautiful. For work, you still looked stunning, but you dressed more formally, not yourself. But here with him on this date, you let your creativity flow in your outfit. He was fly, and you matched it. It wasn’t revealing but man did it arouse him, you always did.

At the end of your date at a mom-and-pop ice cream shop. Where of course once again you insisted on paying, he frowned at you and pulled out a stack of cash. Your displeasure disappeared once you two were at the table sharing ice cream. You even used the same spoon. You didn’t realize it, but he did, it was intentional he was even feeding you. He made sure you got a spoonful first, so he could taste you off the spoon. When he drove you to your apartment and came to a park you turned to him, “Jaden, I don’t want to seem fast, or like a hoe or something but I really like you. Thank you for everything, from my car to the perfect date.”

If he could Jaden would dap himself up. He knew he had a game. But with you, he had to be careful, you were special. He turned to you and spoke up, “It’s no problem sweetness, any man would do it for the woman he’s interested in.” He said as he grabbed your hand from the console intertwining it with his and kissing the back of it. 

Whew, your pussy was on fire. You had to get out of this car before he had you in the backseat. Then he’d really think you’re a hoe. Of course, he wouldn’t but you thought so. “Jaden uhm I should probably head inside, would you … would you like a kiss?” You could barely get it out before he grabbed the back of your neck kissing you deeply. You were starstruck, while he seemed so calm, so reserved. But inside he was crazy for you. The kiss was perfect, your lips and his lips together sent a chill down his spine and made this dick throb. He willed it down. He would be good to you. 

“Goodnight y/n, let me walk you up, I’ll text you when I get home. You will call me before you go to sleep, sweetness?”, He asked. 

“Of Course, Jaden,” you replied. 

He planned on making you some part of his life the day you met but this week and tonight’s date sealed the deal, and if that wasn’t enough, you smiled at him with all 32 of your teeth before you closed and locked the door to your apartment. There it was that smile; damn he was absolutely sprung. 

[didalexiabreakupwitholgaisback]

So I went to the game on Sunday. I had the star pass and honestly I’m in two minds about. On one hand I got to meet my favourite players, but on the other hand you could just tell the players didn’t want todo it, they just wanted to get ready for the game, it’s hard having to get yourself into a headspace for a game when you have to stop and take pictures. I feel like it should be done before a training day, like half hour with the players then they go on and train and you can sit and watch the training. I’m not sure what other people’s thoughts are on the Star pass.

Side note alexia stayed and made sure everyone that wanted a photo got one.

a few thoughts. so star pass is relatively new to the world of barça femení, but it's not a new concept in the world of football generally. other teams have similar programs, and it is a premium add on to enhance a fan's "experience."

so in other words, it's a money making venture catered at high spending fans (usually guiris) who are willing to pay to meet their favourite players. for barça, the going rate is high and you need to have a ticket already purchased. here's what the price is for the match v. atletí:

but yeah, it's not surprising that the players phone it in. it's just one more thing for them to do, when they want to get into the mindset for the match, especially the bigger ones. also, not surprised that alexia was a true professional and made sure she signed with everyone. 🫡

but i also don't think doing it before training is better either because the players are fully focused on training too and the last thing they want to do is spend extra time or get to training early to sign for fans.

to me i'm not a huge fan of these "extra" add ons that involve the players. the more organic method is to have them sign after the match when they are done and everyone has an equal shot of that happening and it's not just those with the most money 🤷‍♀️

[the-most-humble-blog]

10 MORE Things That Make No Sense – But We Accept Anyway 🤹‍♂️

Life is a circus of nonsense, and we’re all just out here nodding along like trained seals, clapping at shit that should not be normal. Somehow, we just accept the absurdities of life without question, even though half of them make less sense than a TikTok finance bro giving investment advice from his mom’s basement.

Let’s crack this open. Here are 10 MORE things that make absolutely no damn sense—but we all pretend they do anyway.

1. “Service Fees” on Top of Taxes

Oh, so the price you advertised wasn’t the actual price? Fantastic. I love surprise charges at checkout. Nothing screams “fuck you” like an extra $12.99 in bullshit fees tacked onto my $8 purchase.

💰 Why It Makes No Sense:

I already pay taxes. Now you’re charging me a “processing fee” to exist?

Restaurants: “A 20% service charge is automatically added.” Then why the hell do you still expect a tip?!

The real crime? The fee isn’t for a service. It’s for nothing.

2. 30-Minute Ads Before a 2-Hour Movie

Remember when going to the movies meant watching the movie? Now, if you show up on time, you’re legally required to sit through a half-hour hostage situation of car commercials, shitty perfume ads, and a guy whispering about Dolby Surround Sound like it’s a religious experience.

🎬 Why It Makes No Sense:

I paid $18.99 for a ticket. Why am I still getting ads?

If I wanted to watch 30 minutes of nonsense before the main event, I’d just go to therapy instead.

There’s always that one guy who thinks now is the perfect time to loudly open a bag of chips.

3. Gift Cards That Expire

So let me get this straight: you already have my money, but if I don’t spend it in time, you just keep it? That’s not a gift card. That’s a ransom note.

🎁 Why It Makes No Sense:

Why does my money suddenly have an expiration date?

"Use it or lose it"—bitch, it was already spent.

Store credit? Oh, you mean corporate Monopoly money?

4. Lottery Winnings Getting Taxed

Congrats! You won the lottery! But wait—before you even touch a dime, the government is here to snatch half of it.

🤑 Why It Makes No Sense:

I already paid taxes on the money I used to buy the ticket. Now I have to pay taxes again?!

If you win $1 million, you’re actually getting “Congrats, you’re only kinda rich now” money.

But don’t worry! If you lose, you get… nothing. No refund. No credit. Just an empty wallet and a lifetime of regrets.

5. Food Packaging That’s Impossible to Open

Somewhere out there is a team of scientists who have perfected the art of making snack packaging stronger than a goddamn bank vault.

🍟 Why It Makes No Sense:

Chips: sealed like a government secret.

Water bottles: childproofed like nuclear weapons.

Candy wrappers: require a black belt in Jiu-Jitsu just to open.

Meanwhile, the actual food inside? Already stale.

6. Mail That’s Just Junk or Bills

Remember when getting mail used to be exciting? Now, it’s just a daily reminder that capitalism owns your soul.

📬 Why It Makes No Sense:

90% of my mail is credit card offers I never asked for.

The other 10%? Bills.

If you actually send me a real letter, I will assume you are either a time traveler or an escaped cult member.

7. Insurance That Barely Covers Anything

Insurance: The beautiful scam where you pay thousands just to find out your “coverage” covers jack shit.

🚑 Why It Makes No Sense:

“That procedure isn’t covered.” Oh, so my “health insurance” doesn’t actually insure my health?

You paid $3,000 in premiums and still got hit with a $5,000 deductible. Make it make sense.

Car insurance? “Sorry, you’re at fault for existing in a 5-mile radius of another driver.”

8. Grocery Store Layouts Designed for Psychological Warfare

You came in for milk. Now you’re 30 minutes deep into the bread aisle, questioning your existence.

🛒 Why It Makes No Sense:

Why is the milk ALWAYS in the back? Because they know your dumb ass will walk past 14 temptations before you get there.

The “sale” tag? It’s just the regular price in disguise.

There’s always one asshole who blocks the entire aisle with their cart like they own the place.

9. Customer Service That Doesn’t Serve the Customer

“Your call is very important to us. Please hold for four years.”

📞 Why It Makes No Sense:

The robot voice makes you scream ‘REPRESENTATIVE!’ like you’re casting a spell.

The second you FINALLY get a human? “Oh, let me transfer you.”

Why does ‘24/7 customer support’ close at 5PM?

10. The Fact That We Still Trust Alarm Clocks

Every night, you set your alarm. Every morning, you regret ever being born.

⏰ Why It Makes No Sense:

It doesn’t wake you up gently. It fucking attacks you.

You hit snooze like it’s keeping you alive.

“I’ll go to bed early!” Narrator: They did not.

Life is one long-ass joke, and we’re just out here laughing through the absurdity. Whether it’s sneaky fees, shrinkflation, or the goddamn movie theater commercials that last longer than the movie itself, we just accept the nonsense like good little consumers.

What’s something YOU just go along with even though it makes no damn sense? Drop it in the comments.

🔥 Like this? Don’t be selfish—REBLOG that shit. 📌 FOLLOW ME unless you also believe in convenience fees. 🔁 REBLOGGING is FREE (for now). Don’t let the algorithm scam you.

🚀 BOOST THIS POST FASTER THAN A CREDIT SCORE DROPS.

[fandomaya]

Culinary Comfort

Pairing: Kento Nanami x Reader

CW: Food is heavily mentioned, some overthinking and insecurities on reader's part, Gojo is mentioned once (lol), use of petnames, just being fluffy and indulgent! (a suggestive implication at the end, ig?), not proofread as usual

WC: 765

Summary: Just exploring how shared love for food can create little comforting memories between you and Kento

You know Kento is the type of guy to take you to different premium eateries which range from restaurants to pâtisseries and the likes of that. He just loves the expression on your face which is of pure concentration, but all that makes him fondly smile is your cute little frown with an even cuter pout on your lips, all just trying to decide on what you want to eat from the wide variety of delicacies.

But he hates to see the hesitance on your features, and he knows why you feel that even. You genuinely feel at times you should not indulge much no matter how delicious the dishes may seem. Also, the fact that these are so expensive and your partner, Kento always pays for them, makes you feel guilty of burdening him.

But Kento doesn’t know how to make you realize that he loves to see you eat, to see the satisfaction on your face when you close your eyes and let out pleased soft noises as soon as the flavors meet your taste buds. You already have seen how he loves to help you out in the kitchen and most of the weekends he even tries out a new recipe for you which he is sure that you would savor. You can undoubtedly say that food is a love language of Kento.

So coming back to eateries, one fine day, he takes you out to a café that had opened a few weeks ago, and he tried it out himself too, unfortunately with Gojo after a mission. But fret not! Because this time he wants to have a better and peaceful experience with you since he loves to introduce you to new things and experiences.

So similar things happen this time as well. Upon entering, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and sweet pastries envelops you. The subtle hum of conversations of other patrons creates a cozy ambiance on this bright weekend. You both take a table near the glass windows that look out at the busy street. The menu arrives, its pages whispering promises of delightful flavors, and he is fondly looking at your confused face of trying to pick something for yourself. But then as soon as the waitress comes in to take your order, Kento is quick to take over and surprise you. You never expected him to place an order where he requests to bring one serving from every item under the specials section.

As you open your mouth to speak, Kento preemptively squeezes your hand, a silent reassurance that halts your words. He smiles at the waitress so that he goes away before he brings in the requested delicacies. In a hushed tone, you find yourself blurting out your concerns to Kento, trying to explain that it’s probably too much and that he shouldn’t carelessly spend much money, plus you will gain weight, which seems unfavorable.

His words are often sparse, but his actions speak volumes. So he just gets up and drags his chair near to yours. He sits back down, holds your hands, and rubs your palms in comforting circles. He murmurs, “Look at me, sweetheart”' his voice a gentle melody that resonates in the quiet intimacy of the moment. Your gaze drops to your lap, worry etched in your eyes as if confessing a pang of hidden guilt, in some subconscious shame of indulgence.

With a tender touch, he lifts your chin, encouraging you to meet his gaze. His eyes are so soft and kind, that it almost makes you want to cry for burdening him with your petty, annoying habits. But he just says, “Listen to me carefully, love.” His words are a tender reassurance in the midst of your worries. “It is fine to eat more if you want to. I know you love to eat, and it is completely okay to indulge once in a while. We are not doing this everyday, are we?”. You nod your head, and he just kindly smiles while rubbing your cheek, not caring if anyone sees or judges.

What is his priority is to make you comfortable and keep you happy. Plus, he doesn’t care if you gain weight or anything. He reassures you, 'It's more than good; I love the softness of you.' His words carry a warmth that transcends the physical, embracing the entirety of your being. He knows that he would just get more of you to love and worship back at home, in the sanctity of your shared existence, so that you truly know how he loves all of you.

a/n: This was really self-indulgent, but I felt like writing it. I just love to eat and feed my loved ones with good food too. But I hate the guilt that sometimes creep in some of us, which makes us hesitant to delve in full sensory experience of culinary treats. If you reach till the end, thank you for reading, and I hope you eat well always <333

[dervampireprince]

Do Not Repost My Audios On Spotify

Already made a post about this last year, but it seems no one got the message. And things have gotten worse.

On my own I have found 30 audios of mine reuploaded onto Spotify, all parts of podcasts that are full of stolen audios from other creators. Some say you can contact them and ask them to take it down, but Spotify has no DM function so how am I supposed to do that? Also. You should just not do it in the first place. I can guarantee you no creator is okay with this, none of them. You can get copyright takedowns for this as people's audios do count as their own work that is copyrighted, and you are stealing potential income from these creators by getting people to listen to their work on Spotify instead of on their Youtube where they make ad revenue. But in my case you're stealing more of my income that just that, because like I said, this time it's worse.

So we've got the tier 1 Spotify reuploaders. They rip audios from Youtube and put them on Spotify. There is literally no need to do this. All of my public SFW audios are available on Youtube to listen too for free. If you want to listen to them without ads and be able to turn off your screen you could get Youtube Premium or you could listen to them on soundgasm (if you're 18+). If you want to listen to them without an internet connection you could get Youtube Premium or join my $5 Patreon tier (if you're 18+) and get free HD downloads of all my public audios. Or... you could find some mystical way of creating mp3s from Youtube videos and I won't know you're doing it and I can't stop you and then you'd just have them. And I'm guessing that's what these Spotify reuploader's have done and I'm not gonna call anyone out for doing that... but then just keep those files to yourself, you don't need to reupload them. By reuploading them you're taking away my Youtube views and ad revenue.

Then we've got tier 2 Spotify reuploaders. These guys are ripping full 18+ explicit sexual audios from my soundgasm (18+ only) and putting them onto Spotify. These podcasts are full of 18+ audios from various creators. And for those unaware, Spotify does not allow pornographic or explicit sexual content on their platform. Because of course it doesn't. It's not that sort of platform. These reuploaders are not only stealing content, but putting it on a platform that doesn't allow it. At least one of these podcasts labelled themself as "16+" despite having this explicit sexual content. It doesn't matter if the age of consent in your country/state is 16 or younger, if it's on the internet where people from countries who's age of consent is 18 (the highest of any country) you have to label it as 18+ not a younger age. Having my content stolen, whether it's my audios or art, always feels gross. It feels even grosser when it's sexual content of you.

And the thing that makes this all so much worse this time around, the worst of the worst Spotify reuploader I have seen, the only one in tier 3. Why are they here? Because they have been reuploading my private, behind-a-pay-wall, Patreon exclusive, 18+ sexual audios onto Spotify. They are not only stealing content. They are not only posting explicit sexual content onto Spotify. They are stealing and leaking Patreon exclusive content onto Spotify, directly stealing from my main steam of income, and posting them for free. Have we all watched or listened too pirated content in our lives? Most likely yes. But I hope we all understand the big difference between watching a pirated copy of a Disney movie, a giant corporation who's still going to make money, and leaking a small creator's Patreon content. If all my Patreon audios were public I wouldn't have my main source of income, I wouldn't be able to pay my rent, for food, etc, and I'm not able to do other sorts of work due to mental and physical health problems. Leaking Patreon content is not the same as showing others something you've bought. If you buy a figurine and show a friend they may also want to buy that figurine and woa now two people own that figurine. If you buy one of my audios and show a friend they now aren't going to come and buy an audio they already have free access too, does that make sense? I hope we can all understand the difference it is to leak pay-walled content from a small creator.

Do not send hate to anyone who has reuploaded my work, do not try and find their socials, do not try and harass them or contact them in any way.

If you are a Spotify reuploader please listen to me: stop uploading more audios and delete all the ones you have already uploaded. It is never okay to reupload someone's work without permission. You do not reupload and then say you'll take it down if you ask. You ask first and then wait to get permission, if they say no you don't do it, and if they never answer you don't do it. But I find it extremely unlikely any creator would say yes. I can't believe I'm even slightly appreciating that at least those of you who just stole my Youtube videos at least didn't steal from my Patreon. But that doesn't make it okay. None of this is okay. Never upload my audios onto Spotify. And if you've listened to my audios on Spotify, it wasn't me who uploaded them, please stop listening to them on there.

Like I already said, it's easy to gain access to my audios, even for listening with your phone screen off or offline. Get them however you get them, I can't stop you, but don't reupload them. If you reupload them I am able and willing to report them and have them taken down.

If anyone finds more that I haven't already found and listed here please do let me know.

[meguwumibear]

wc: 3k and contains: Vash walks in on Nico and female!reader having sex and is invited to join. piv sex, tit play, some instructional fingering, cum eating, virgin!vash, light angst re: Vash's scars...happy to add warnings as requested but i don't believe it needs any unless threesomes aren't your thing!

There are…noises coming from inside Vash’s apartment. Not the usual sound of tv commercials or Spotify ads—ads that he hears quite often since Nicholas refuses to just pay for premium—but the sound of something throatier, something base and primal.

A pair of guttural grunts and groans fill the air, one deep and masculine, the other lighter and almost feminine in nature. They compliment each other, so in sync it’s like it’s been rehearsed. A symphony of unrestrained ‘oo’s and ‘ah’s and the occasion ‘fuck’ seep out from under the doorway and worm themselves into Vash’s brain, imbedding themselves so deep he doesn’t even realize he’s slipping his keys into the lock until it’s too late.

The sight before him gives him pause. Okay, sure, he could probably guess from the needy whines and desperate cooing that Nicholas was having sex, but hearing his roommate fuck and seeing his roommate fuck are two entirely two different things.

Shirts and pants and underwear—his and yours—litter the floor, like crumbs meant to lore an ant. The two of you hadn’t even made it to the bedroom. Nicholas has you shameless pressed against their shared sofa. A sofa that Nai and Meryl and Milly sometimes crash on when they’re in town.

The violation of the shared space should bother Vash more, but all he seems able to focus on right now is the wonder that is Nicholas D. Wolfwood’s bare ass. Plump and round and firm. Not quite as dark as the rest of him, but still a beautiful, tan color. So muscular it barely even jiggles as he pounds away at your pussy.   

It’s you who sees him first as you angle your head back to nibble at Nicholas’s shoulder. Your eyes widen in surprise as they catch sight of him. He figures he should probably leave or apologize or do literally anything other than stand there like a stupid fucking statue, but that’s all his treacherous body seems capable of at the minute.

“Nicooo,” you whine—and, hang on a minute…Nico? Nico?!—“ugh, fuck, you didn’t tell me you had such a pretty roommate.”

You blink at Vash through long, thick lashes, eyes wide and inviting. If his best friend and roommate wasn’t already balls deep inside you, he might think you were trying to seduce him.

“Fuck,” Nico grunts as he continues to slam into you, hips smacking loudly against your ass. Vash’s presence has apparently had little to no effect on either of your libidos, “little bugger’s supposed to be at his brother’s this weekend. Guess he came back early.”

Neither of your movements halt, but you’re both looking at him now. He can feel his cheeks heat with what he tells himself is embarrassment. The flush creeps along his whole face, all the way to the tips of his ears which he imagines are as red as his favorite jacket by now.

He isn’t sure what to do with himself. Can’t figure out where to look. Anywhere other than at the two of you would probably be a good place to start, but he just can’t seem to tear his eyes away from Nico’s heavy, swinging balls, or the little sneak peak he can see of Nico’s thick cock pistoning in and out of your quivering hole.

There’s a heat pooling in his belly now, stronger even than that of his cheeks. He’s so sexually inexperienced it takes him a minute to understand what’s happening to him. Watching and listening to the two of you fuck has his dick half hard.

He shifts his weight a bit from foot to foot, pondering how to best handle this. It isn’t too late for him to turn around and leave. He can always apologize to Nico later. He’s not usually the kind of guy to hold a grudge. He grew up Catholic or some shit, so his people are all about forgiveness.

“Oi,” you shout, snapping him out of his stupor, “you just gonna stand there all night wondering at your semi, or are you gonna make yourself useful and join us? I got more than one hole you know. Nico’s only occupying one of ‘em.”

“Shit,” Nico swears, his thrusts unsteady, “keep milking me like that and I’m gonna blow before the brat even gets the chance to whip it out.”

Vash sucks in a breath so quickly he chokes on it. Fuck, he can barely think let alone breathe with the two of you staring at him like that. He still has half a mind to bolt and slam the door behind him, but the other, more pertinent half of him can’t stop wondering what Nico’s cock would taste like now that it’s all covered in your slick.

“Think he needs some more convincing, baby,” Nico says, maneuvering the two of you so that he’s now seated on the sofa with his chest pressed against your back. The two of you didn’t break stride once during the switcheroo, which does give Vash some pause. There’s no possible way he could join the two of you; you’re way out of his league.

“Still watching, Vash?” Nico asks, roughly palming at your tits. “You can touch her you know. She wants you to. Her pussy gripped me so fucking hard when she caught sight of you. Who knew I snagged such a dirty little exhibitionist?”

Vash watches Nico pinch and pull at your already swollen nipples with rapt curiosity. It’s shameless the way you arch your back, encouraging him to pluck and prod at you. He wonders if this is all a performance for his benefit or if you really do enjoy having your nipples tweaked like that.

“Vashhh,” you keen, “c’mere, pretty boy. Wanna know that the mouth feels like wrapped around my teat.”

Vash no longer cares if you’re acting or not; an invitation is an invitation, and he’s dying to do the very thing you’ve just goaded him to.

He makes his way to you slowly, like he’s still not sure about the whole thing. He figures there’s no need for his hesitation; you clearly don’t startle easy. But he’s nervous damn it! Watching Nico paw at you has his dick standing at full attention. It bulges uncomfortably against the cotton of his boxers, restricted and aching and already starting to leak.

“Atta boy,” you coo encouragingly as he drops to his knees. Vash is taller than the average man, so even kneeling like this he’s eye level with your perfect tits.

“C’mon, baby,” you whine, reaching out to grab his hair and deciding against it. You must be waiting for him to make a move.

His touch is gentler than Nico’s, soft and curious as he glides the smooth pad of his thumb across your puckering areolas. Your reaction is immediate and seemingly genuine. A shiver skitters down your spine, and at this distance he can see the way you tighten around the base of his friend’s cock.

“Like that?” he asks just to confirm.

“Yeah, baby, just like that,” you smile.

“Tch,” Nico grumbles from behind you, “you don’t gotta be so fucking gentle. She’s not gonna break.”

Vash frowns, rolling your swollen bud between two fingers, “what if I wanna be gentle?”

You seem to like it anyway. His eyes are glued to your pussy and its puffy lips, mesmerized by the way it flutters around Nico’s impressive length as he works your nipples. He squeezes and you clench. He releases and you relax.

“Suck, Vash,” you moan, “Suck, Vash. Please. Please.”

Who is he to deny you? Vash hasn’t sucked a tit since he was still in diapers and breastfeeding, but he figures you never really lose the instinct. He wraps his lips around you, careful of his teeth and begins to tenderly suckle on your left breast. You throw your head back and moan so loudly he’s sure even the neighbors can hear you now.

His still clothed crotch is pressed against your leg. He’s been absentmindedly humping it ever since he dropped down before you, but his thrusts are purposeful now. It takes him time to find a rhythm that he likes. It’s tricky, balancing his own pleasure with yours, but he wants to make sure this is as good for you as it is him. When you realize what he’s doing, you shift your leg encouragingly, coaxing him to grind against it.

“Such a good boy,” Nico laughs.

“Like a bitch in heat,” you return, twisting your fingers through his hair, blunt nails biting into the skin of his scalp.

You use the hair you’ve gathered to yank him off your tit and slot his lips against yours. He has to rise a bit to reach you, and when he settles again it’s over your thigh which feels somehow even better than your leg.

He licks into your mouth experimentally and you kiss back with enthusiasm, running your tongue along the tips of his teeth, the roof of his mouth, anywhere the muscle can reach. He tries to mirror your actions, but they’re foreign to him. He swirls his tongue around your own a few times in practice.

When he pulls away, your lips are red and plump from the friction, a thread of translucent spit connects the two of you. He leans back and back and back until the thin thread snaps completely and what’s left of the liquid dribbles messily down your chins.

“Nico,” he whines as he grabs at Nico’s hair. He isn’t as coordinated as the two of you, but he manages to pull Nico into a deep, heated kiss. Nico smiles into the kiss, wrapping his large palm around the back of Vash’s neck to push him impossibly closer.

The moment Nico’s fingers graze the back of Vash’s neck he’s cumming. Hot, thick ropes of cum shoot out of him, soaking his underwear and likely seeping through the denim of his jeans as well. He ruts himself through the orgasm, using your leg as a toy to get off while he wantonly moans into his roommate’s open mouth.

When he finally pulls away from Nico, you’re grinning at him.

“Did our cute little virgin cream his pants?” you tut, but there’s no real bite to it. Not while you’re on the verge of cumming yourself, hole creamy and brimming with an off-white mix of your arousal and Nico’s pre.

You wind your fingers into his shirt as if to rid him of it, and he pulls back so violently he falls from your lap, hitting the hard ground with a deafening thud.

He’s absolutely mortified. If it were physically possible for his face to get any redder it would, but luckily, he hit max redness while he came all over himself.

When he dares to look back and you and Nico, the two of you have stopped fucking. It’s the first time all night the two of you have called it quits. Nico’s still balls deep inside you, but neither his focus nor yours is on that.

He’s the only one still wearing clothes, but he feels bare before you. Clumsy and stupid, like the awkward man child Nai always accuses him of being. He’s ruined both your nights in one, dumbass move. He feels so bad he could cry. In fact, he can feel warm, wet tears beginning to pool in the corner of his eyes.

“Sorry!” he manages. “I’m sorry. I just, uh, well I’ve got some pretty gnarly scars is all. Didn’t want to kill the mood.” He rubs soothingly at the back of his neck, taking deep breaths as he wills the tears threatening to spill away.

“Vash-” Nico starts, but Vash cuts him off again.

“Sorry! I’m so sorry. Ha, I, uh, I’ve never done anything like this before. It was super nice of you guys to include me. Didn’t mean to fuck it up. Anyway, I really did cream my pants lol, so the two of you should go ahead and finish. It’s only fair.”

You exchange a look with Nico he can’t decipher before saying, “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have assumed anything. I’ll ask next time before trying something.”

Fuck, now your apologizing?

“Oh, no, it’s fine. Really! It’s okay. I don’t need you to apologize. Sex is kind of a clothes off activity. It’s a pretty fair assumption. I don’t mind watching you guys finish if you’re okay with me staying. I’d, uh, I’d like to learn actually.”

You turn back to exchange another undecipherable look with Nico.

“Christ,” Nico swears, “have you always been this cute?” The question must be rhetorical because he’s adding, “C’mere then, pretty boy. Let me show you how to make a woman cum.”

“What about you?” you and Vash ask in tandem.

“Already did,” he smirks. “Twice.”

As if to prove it he quickly slips out of you and without his cock to keep you all plugged up ropes of silky, white cum gush out of your pussy, painting your pretty lips and even slicking up the puckering hole of your ass.

“She’s definitely close,” Nico says, pushing his spend back inside you with two thick fingers. “But I’ve been neglecting her poor little clit.” He flicks your swollen nub for emphasis and you immediately cry out.

“Hush,” Nico coos, “I’m gonna get you there, sweetheart. Just wanna make sure he’s watching. Don’t be selfish now, you’ve been so good for me all night.”

He sneaks an assessing look at Vash whose eyes haven’t once left the two of you.

“Most women can’t cum from penetration alone,” he says when he’s certain Vash is watching, and really, it’s not like Vash was going to turn down his roommate’s generous offer. “You gotta stimulate them here too. Different women are going to like different speeds and shit, but once you get a feel for woman it isn’t too hard to read them.”

He’s circling the edge of your swollen clit with his thumb, not quite touching the throbbing thing yet. He teases the skin around it, playing with the mix of liquids gathered there.

“Best to make sure you're lubed up when you touch her. Clits are sensitive. They like the lubrication. I’m using my cum and her juices, but spit works too if you haven’t got her off yet.”

He’s thumbing at the bud now, slow and teasing, as if he wants to see just how long he can keep you teetering on the cruel edge of pleasure and pain.

“There are toys you can use to help you out, but we’ll save that demo for another night.”

Your body visibly jerks as Nico begins to pick up the pace.

“She’s sensitive even though she hasn’t cum. It happens sometimes. Especially after a cream pie’s been bullied into them. Penetrative sex is pleasurable for women, despite the fact they can’t usually get off on it alone. It’s even better for them when they’re with a man who knows how to hit all the right spots.”

“Nicooo,” you whine. “Please. Wanna cum. Wanna cum so bad.”

“Yeah, princess?” he hums. “Wanna cum all over my fingers? Wanna ruin this fucking couch? It was expensive you know. Might have to pitch in and help us buy another.”

“Anything. Anything,” you cry, clear, crystalline tears streaming down your face. “Fuck, Nico, ‘m so empty. I need, ah, I need-”

“I know what you need, baby,” he says, stuffing two fingers back inside you and curling them against the sensitive flesh of your walls.

He’s able to hit the exact spot you need him to, and the motion along with the circles he’s drawing into your clit has you cumming so hard you see stars, nails biting so harshly into the skin of his thighs you draw tiny beads of blood.

He fingers you through the orgasm, fingers unrelenting until he has you screaming and squirting around them.

When your orgasm finally ebbs he shoves the two cum covered fingers into your mouth and you obediently began to suck on them as he orders you to clean up your mess, savoring the salty taste of both your releases.

He slips some of the cum into his own mouth too, and into Vash’s when the nerd finally works up the balls to ask. He doesn’t stop shoveling cum into your mouths until he’s certain there’s absolutely no cum left to swallow.

It’s Vash who suggests a shower. Nico calls dibs but you run in there after him, still a ball of energy despite the orgasm.

Vash contemplates waiting until the two of you have finished to wash up, but his living room feels oddly lonely without the two of you in it. Plus, the drying, flaking cum in his own pants is starting to itch.

The door to the bathroom isn’t closed, but he enters meekly, head down, eyes averted, like a dog with a tail between his legs.

He takes his time undressing. Peeling his shirt off first followed by his jeans and ruined boxers. His back is to the mirror as he undresses. If he sees he’ll chicken out. If he sees he’ll just slink back to the quiet of his room, trying and failing to block out the soothing sounds of you and Nico.

There’s laughter from the shower. Yours and his. The curtains they have are thin, dainty things, and he can tell the two of you are wrestling over the shampoo bottle. If he doesn’t get in now, he’ll lose his nerve, so he rips the tattered curtain open and slides in wordlessly behind you.

The water is mercifully warm against his back. He stares at the way it swirls around your toes. Fizzy white suds circle the rusted drain, probably from the open shampoo bottle the two of you keep fighting for control of.

“Glad you joined us, pretty boy,” you say. When he manages to look at you, your eyes meet his. They aren’t prying or judgmental. They don’t roam along his patchy skin. “Nico’s hogging the shampoo, but he’s got a soft spot for ya. Bet I could convince him to let me wash your hair.”

“Tch, as if,” Nico tuts, shoving you aside. “You’re too small, squirt. I’ll help him with his hair.”

When the three of you are finished washing up, Vash is the first to leave the bathroom, towel wrapped tightly around his waist. The fabric doesn’t cover much since most of the damage is on his chest and back. He somehow feels less self-conscious now. Maybe because you’d pointed out he’d seen so far up your pussy he knows the color of your cervix.

Of all the girls Nico’s brought home, you’re his favorite. None of the others have ever bothered with him before.

He comes back to the room fully dressed with a pair of his boxers and an oversized t-shirt clutched to his chest. He holds them out for you, struggling to maintain eye contact.

“For me?” you ask, eyebrow quirked in genuine surprise.

He nods, “Yeah, for you. The clothes you came in didn’t look very comfortable. Figured these would work as pajamas.”

You exchange a look with Nico. It’s another look he can’t fucking comprehend. He doesn’t understand how the two of you managed to develop a language of your own so quickly. You’ve only known each other a few hours.

“Pajamas?” you ask, as if you’re unfamiliar with the concept.

“Yeah, it’s like 3am. You’re spending the night, right?”

You hesitate for a moment more before grabbing the clothes from him with a smile. “Not on that sofa I’m not. Which one of you boys wanna cuddle with me tonight. Or am I getting a room to myself while the two of you spoon?”

“You can sleep with me!” Vash offers immediately. “I’ve got the space.

“Tch, for the three of us I hope,” Nice says. “There’s no way I’m missing out on cuddles.”

[copperbadge]

Hi Mr Starbuck! Some friends and I are moving in a few months and we're eyeing various places all over the US. Chicago came up as a relatively affordable big city (compared to LA and NYC) and I have to ask the resident Tumblr Chicagoan his opinion. As a resident who lives and works in the windy city, what's your big pros and cons of residing there (especially things you might not encounter as a tourist)? (also, how accurate is your "guide to chicago" still, since its been a few years!)

Well, I definitely have opinions!

The guide to Chicago is no longer accurate -- too many places have closed or moved, and the pandemic altered a lot (for example the Money Museum still exists but I'm not sure if it has regular hours even now). I should do a new one but like, I really don't get out much anymore so I can't talk about restaurants outside of a VERY local area, and I never could talk much about hotels, which just leaves points of interest mostly already covered by Atlas Obscura. :D At this point it'd just be kind of moot, others are doing it better than I am.

Chicago is inexpensive compared to New York or Los Angeles, but like, that's everywhere in America. Chicago is still a quite pricey city to live in, mainly because the taxes are so high -- 10.25% sales tax, for example, and my property taxes are also pretty steep. People joke about Taxachusetts, but I'm pretty sure Chicago at least has it beat (and 2/3 of the state's population lives in Chicago or the outlying suburbs). Housing is not at a premium in the way it is in NY and LA but depending on where you want to live and how far you want to commute it can still be very expensive. My housing was never less than half of my monthly income until I bought this place, and then ONLY because the job I'm in now came with a $10K/yr raise from my last one.

Chicago does have great culture, great museums, great food, and it's a liberal island in a pretty conservative region. It is however quite segregated, so if you are any race other than white, living here can get a little more complicated than I've portrayed it as a white dude. There is significant crime and particularly gun crime, but it's generally confined to specific regions of the city. That said, even if you discount crime, the Chicago PD are corrupt as fuck and uninterested in being helpful, so if you are from a demographic the cops enjoy harassing, it will not be different here.

I do love the city, warts and all. I like the water, I like the people, I like the midwestern vibe. I'd find it very hard to leave, especially because I have a network of friends here, but also because I just plain like it and I know it really well. There is a very short list of cities I'd consider leaving Chicago for, and most of those would have to have a well-paying job waiting for me. But it did take me time to fall in love with it -- it took a few years before it felt like home.

It's a little difficult to get more specific without knowing more about your situation -- what you do for work, what your budget is like, what your goals are in leaving where you are. Do you prefer to drive most places? (Parking and traffic can both get dicey.) Can you tolerate taking public transit if driving is inconvenient? Is the industry in which you work something that has a lot of openings here? Do you want to live in an urban environment, and if so are you prepared to live in a likely somewhat shitty apartment to do so? If you prefer to live in a house, are you prepared for a long commute? What do you like to do for fun and is there a thriving culture for that here? What is it important to have access to -- museums, concerts, theater, sport? Where do you need to travel to regularly (ie, I go to Austin several times a year) and how do you prefer to travel there?

Anyway, yeah -- like, I love it but I have few illusions about it. If you want to chat further feel free to hit me up by email, happy to answer more specific questions!

[iraprince]

Haven't played in ages as I tend to with mmorpgs, but am highly supportive of GW2's no-subscriptions rule. Truly a breath of fresh air in today's gaming industry. I'd also like to note (though you moght have already) that a massive chunk of the game (essentially the whole 'base') is free without any of the Expansions, so you can play first with those and see if you want to spend money.

I miss my Sylvari deadeye quite a bit.. never completed Heart of Thorns but really should

yep, i agree w all this!! and while gacha-style stuff DOES exist in-game, they've been pretty responsive to negative player feedback and have in the past tweaked how certain lootboxes work in response to criticism -- off the top of my head i'm thinking of like, the black lion statuette system that lets you save up to get otherwise lootbox-exclusive items (which is pretty old now but didn't exist when i first started playing); and the way that mount skin boxes do offer a (more expensive) option that lets you just choose exactly which skin you want rather than rolling for it. stuff like that! it's not perfect but it's just nice to see imo, esp in comparison to the rest of the landscape as you said.

i've historically been a little cranky about the living world pricing model, bc i think it comes off as kind of a "hidden cost" that ends up piling up to be pretty unfriendly to new players -- but they've moved away from that format now and now all newer (post-icebrood saga) story content/important plot episodes are included with expacs, and in the grand scheme of things it's still all way less than you'd be paying for a monthly sub over time, so i've honestly softened on that a bit!

i hope u enjoy if u do end up swinging back around to it!! my main's also a sylvari deadeye :D

EDIT: OH also forgot to mention that gw2 does let u convert in-game money into the premium/cash-shop currency, which to my understanding is pretty unusual (i don't play any other mmos so idk). there are absolutely ppl who manage to buy whatever cosmetics etc they want by just playing the game a lot, grinding up sufficient gold, and trading that for gems rather than ever having to spend actual money -- that method isn't viable for me but if u end up finding that gold grinding works for u, technically u COULD get the living world seasons just by doing that...

[eyepokai]

Switch Online's gotta be one of the big 3 things i hate about nintendo at the moment, alongside them nuking any emulation/fangame and them shutting down the 3ds e shop The internet, which, may I note, is NECESSARY for many games to even FUNCTION, is locked behind a monthly subscription. What. The fuck. and this isn't a subscription for the whole switch, no. this is a subscription for ONE PROFILE. WHAT. this is such a backwards practice that i can't understand it. and it's even more than just that. The internet you're paying for SUCKS. anyone who's played smash bros or Mario maker online knows that switch online is the laggiest thing ever. Worst part to me tho is that they lock stuff behind it. not just games that require internet tho, oh no. they lock EVERY PORT FROM THEIR OLDER CONSOLES BEHIND IT.

WHY? and then they make some of it exclusive to premium, which, get this, is like twice the price? Speaking of, why sell premium for switch ONLINE if the stuff you get doesn't use the internet? I believe they should have 2 things: The nintendo online, which requires a nintendo account and NOTHING ELSE, no money, and "switch premium," which basically gives you the older console's games + the other smaller stuff like mario kart 8's dlc which is already tied to online premium

[hacked-by-jake]

SPOILERS

Alright I have way too many thoughts and emotions so there ain't no way I'm gonna be able to organize everything into a nice sentence but I still gotta get it out 🤣🤣

First off, my notes app with some of my thoughts I wrote down while playing (in chronological order):

Where's Jake?

No premium?

Why and where is nymos

Why are we playing candy crush instead of hacking

Again: Where's Jake, he prob sees our chats and knows whats happening (hopefully)

The characters seem like an almost identical reflection to duskwood

What happened to Richy, please don't die on me 😩

Where's the others

We're now paying to see the secret chats

Why's this game taking so much of my money

Ash really be making me cry about Jake again 🥴

Eric be throwing himself at us when I still want to stay loyal to my hacker boy 💀

The ending: I KNEW MY BABY WAS ALIVE I LOVE HIM, I DEMAND HE TALKS TO US NEOW 👹

AND ALAN I MISSED HIM TOO MWAH MWAH

Rant 1:

The money milking makes me sick and don't even get me started on the ai 🫡 I spent 17 bucks today, halfway through the first episode and already out of all the materials I bought. It's disgusting how Everbyte has completely flipped and is practically scamming their players. Based on the prices, it's almost 3 dollars to view one picture 🙄 I would be more than happy to buy a premium package like duskwood for $20 or even 30 but $17 for not even half an episode is a crime 😭😭

Rant 2:

It's crazy how long this game took and yet it's way worse than duskwood. I was expecting a few additions, not subtractions.

Rant 3:

There is no way to see previous media and calls like in duskwood and no chat history like they promised. I never would've thought it was possible, but these mini games are way worse than duskwoods. And I realized how childish it all looks, I hate how we get no explanation for anything we're doing in the game.

Conclusion:

I'm pissed but seeing the anonymous mask gave me life. I need to go replay duskwood to cleanse myself of moonvale 😮‍💨

Pahahaha you're really killing me with your thoughts, I love your humor so much. 😭

I really should also start to write down my first thoughts while playing but I fear I will write down something to every little sentence I read. xD

But it's so true, where's Nymos? Give us Nymos back! My emotional bond with this unreal little dude is huge so I seriously need him. It's literally a program but it's a he you can't change my mind because I imagine Nymos as Jake best friend who's exactly like Jarvis from Marvel. (Sorry if you don't know it but then I really recommend you to watch the Iron Man movies. (Actually all marvel movies but we're talking about Jarvis here so you best see or more like hear him in Iron Man)

Btw my headcanon is that Nymos is not just any program but also an AI. So and now I will expand the headcanon and say Nymos is an AI that is against AI art and nobody can stop me, hehe.

The Candy Crush comparison makes me laugh every time and it hurts me because it’s true. xD

The thing with the characters being identical with the Duskwood characters... It's a hard topic in my eyes.

Some people say it way too early to judge this. And it's true. We didn't saw much now. But I do think we can already judge them a bit by what we saw. And when we compare it with how the Duskwood characters were in the first episode, I do think you can see that there's not much yet, sadly.

Like, we had Thomas, the idiot in love with problems to take criticism. We had Jessy the hanger-on that were clinging to Dan but then decided to change sides. We had the funny sunny boy Richy. The pretty cold acting Cleo. We had bitchy Lilly and of course we had the grumpy and unfriendly Dan. They all acted pretty strong from second one, in my eyes.

But I somehow absolutely don't think the Moonvale characters are like the Duskwood characters. Because well, I really think they need stronger personalities.

We have Eric who's a pretty normal guy and even though he tripped twice in one episode he's not at all like Thomas.

We have Ash who's like a very, veeery light version of Jessy and Lilly, in my eyes. Somehow kind but somehow absolutely not trustworthy.

We have Violet who's just.. there sometimes. Even the drunken police chief is more expressive.

Well and Charlie is.. Somehow like Richy and in my eyes has the strongest personality so far.

Oh and not to forget Brian who wasn't even there. Lol.

So yeah, I understand both points but I might see it a bit differently.

"Why's this game taking so much of my money" had me on my knees, laughing and crying at the same time because it's almost funny what Everbyte did and it's just as sad.

During my first playthrough I was also like: Someone give me a crucifix I need to get rid of Eric as soon as possible.

But while replaying I just had to see what happens if you decide to get closer with Eric and I swear it didn't disappoint me. It was hilarious and truly, I want this with Jake. I need such a chat with Jake! Everbyte, please!

I mean, I'm not flirting with Eric because I think he's hot or anything. Sadly, his character isn't interesting to me in this sense. (I need the mysterious guys xD) But I just had to try it and I mean, who knows if it will be important later. It's manipulative, I know, but don't judge me. And also, there's still this little hope for a jealous Jake. *ahem* Sorry, I promise I still feel bad for flirting with someone else. 😩

But gosh, the side story end. It was worth all the wait, really. I said before, I don’t forget about the negative things because of it but I'm just a silly, lonely, disappointed girl in love with a fictional hacker, let me have this adrenaline boost!

And yes, I was so happy when I saw Alan's body cam. I immediately knew what that means but at first I was just so happy to "see" Alan as well. I really like this guy, I can't stop myself.

About rant 1: I love the comparison with "So expensive is a picture" it is just as true and actually shows again how incredible it all is. I’ve said my opinion many times now, and I still want to protect Everbyte and give them a little empathy. But it's sadly just true.

I had a thought about that (what you said in rant 2) before and wanted to make a post about it later. So I hope it's okay if I get to it later.

Rant 3: This is actually one of the things that botherse the most. We can't rewatch calls, videos and pictures. The chats are disappearing and are gone forever. And they told us it will be different and that's so annoying. Not being able to see it in the app is just bothering for me. And yeah, that they broke the "promise" is as well. We all were so happy about the chat thing and now...

I actually like the look of Moonvale even if I would prefer something much darker. Especially with the mini games. The background is AI, of course, so. It would look much better with a real background.

And the damn mini games... I loved the ones in Duskwood so much. I really did. It was so much fun and I was one of the people who found them very easy.

But now the Moonvale mini games. By lord. Even though they're much easier for me in my replay, the first time I was actually this close to throwing my phone against the wall. I mean, I even went to sleep at some point and finished the game the next day! Everyone who follows me since duskwood knows I would rather shave my head than that. But they're just pain. And I seriously hope Everbyte will make them a bit easier or give us moves! Because this was often the biggest issue for me. Not enough moves. But they want you to buy gems so... 😒

Your conclusion sound good. I'm definitely planning to replay Duskwood as well. If I want or not. I have to. I need the comforting atmosphere and my emotional support hacker.

So I would say, see you in Duskwood, my detective friend. 🫡

No, jokes aside. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me and us. As I said, I love your humor and the way to describe the things. And I really enjoyed answering it. 💚

I hope you could calm down a bit as well. I definitely needed some days before I could see it more clearly.

And as always a huge pleasure to see you here again. 💚😌