#i owe that man my kidneys for this

[wolf-tail]

Just watched the new Hunter: The Parenting Episode

Besties I am SCREAMING and EATING DIRT

[toxicanonymity]

omg the way every inch makes me drool idk what u did to me i haven’t been the same since 😃 ur so talented i owe u my kidney for that fic alone ! would ever consider part two?? no pressure !!!

EVERY INCH 2

2200 words, m!ghostface x f!reader

follows Every Inch. NEXT: Every inch 3

SERIES MASTERLIST

A/N: He's never unmasked. He is night walks coded. Thank you for all the love on my first Ghostface fic. This was a "one shot fail" because of your engagement & enthusiasm. WARNINGS: I8+ piv, noncon, he calls himself daddy, voyeurism, dirty talk, masturbation, knifeplay, hair pulling, manhandling, choking kinda, degradation, pet names. NO USE OF Y/N. 

SUMMARY: Last time you saw ghostface, he was unconscious from the car wreck and you had your way with him. Now, he's coming to take what's his.

You've put Ghostface behind you, at least in terms of fearing for your life. He's finally left you alone. He must be too humiliated to face you after you restrained him and had your way with him in the car while he was passed out. You still look at the picture you took every day.  You'd like to get it printed and stick it on your bathroom mirror.  He looks so pathetic with his own mess all over his robe. But it's not just the humiliation you love to see. It's his cock. . .

Yeah, his cock.  You've thought about it more than a few times. He would've given you every inch. All you had to do was ask. And the video of him whimpering? You save that for special occasions. Like when you need to cum in a hurry. 

It's Friday night and you're lying in bed after getting home from seeing a movie.  You make sure your vibrator is charged before you start reading, but soon enough you get distracted.  You're looking at your video of Ghostface coming all over himself when a call pops up on the screen. No ringtone.  Your phone is still on silent from the theater.  

The restricted number still makes your heart jump even after such an empowering victory. But you rip the bandaid off and answer it on the first ring. "Hello?"

"So... how'd you like the movie?" the voice changer asks you. 

You panic and hang up, but when he calls right back, you answer again. "This isn't funny, whoever you are."

"You know it's me, baby. You feel it in your. . . pants."

"What do you want?"

"I asked how you liked the movie." 

Friday night. Lucky guess. You know he’s not going to let it go, so you might as well answer. You’re not going to give him the satisfaction of acting aghast that he knows what you did tonight.  "Fine, I liked it. It was fun,” you say dismissively. 

"Picked a bad time to refill your drink. . .  Missed a great kill."

Your heart jumps. ". . .you were there?" The theater wasn't even that crowded. How could he go undetected? Surely you would have recognized something about a man you rode into oblivion. 

He's bemused. "What, you thought I was gone? Nowhere?”

"wishful thinking," you reply. 

Ghostface says, “Oh, we both know what you really wish for. . .”

You’re not even going to argue. 

“How was your date?" 

"How was yours with your hand?" You retort.

"You didn't look interested.” 

"What, are you gonna ask me out?" Your face heats up as you hear your own words.

"Not tonight. 'Cause you've got a date with that toy and my picture, don't ya?”

You freeze. 

He taunts, "Want a third wheel?"

You ask, "How long have you been watching me?"

"Never stopped, sugar." You feel like a fool for thinking he had. “I’ve just been a little. . . distracted.” 

You scoff. 

". . . Okay, did you call just to talk?"

"Wanted some audio with my visual this time."

"Pervert."

“oh I'm the pervert," he chides. Your face is burning up.

"You know, you’ve still got something of mine.”  His knife. You’ve hid it somewhere special.  “Keep comin’ for it. . .but don’t wanna interrupt you.”  

You look out your window, which faces the woods.  "Cause you put on a good show, baby." There’s never been a reason to close the curtains.  You preferred to see danger coming. Danger like him. A lot of good that’s done you. 

“You’re a creature of habit, aren’t you?” 

Are you that predictable?  

“Lucky for me,” he adds darkly.  His breathing becomes audible.  “Oh, you like this, don't you . . . knew ya would. . .  .  .Dripping already.” His voice is steady through the equalizer, but his speech pattern tells you his dick is hard. And god damn if he isn’t turning you on. 

“Dip a finger and show daddy how wet you are.” 

Before you know it, you're doing it. You don’t show him, but you curiously dip you fingers and pull apart the clear string of of your arousal

“Two fingers . . let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”  You lie there clenching your thighs together. 

“Ah, fuck it. Go ahead, turn it on,” he says but you don’t move. You clench your thighs together.  “Turn it on,” he repeats firmer, and something possesses you to turn your vibrator on. 

“Yeah, that’s it . . .”

You don’t even need the picture now, or the video, or your reading. But you don’t exactly want to let him make you come this fast. 

He sighs and says, “You’ve got a nice, juicy pussy." He spits, which the voice changer doesn’t process.

You close your eyes and recall what it felt like impaling yourself on his cock. 

"You don't have to say it," he reassures you menacingly. "I know I’ve got a nice cock.” 

He’s right about that.  You close your eyes as you touch yourself.  You’re too horny to think straight, but in the back of your mind, you try to tell yourself he killed your friends. He killed your friends. It doesn’t make you any less turned on. You sigh in shame at yourself. How does Ghostface have you wrapped around his finger?

“Oh, it’s only natural, baby. This cock’ll fuck you right up.” God, why does that turn you on? “In the guts and the head.” 

"Real shame I wasn’t awake.” He breathes heavily for a few seconds. "Coulda been even better for you.” 

You fail to suppress a moan as heat is bubbling in your core. 

“Yeah. . .Can’t stop thinkin' about this cock, can ya?” 

You turn up the intensity of your vibe. 

“Not everyday someone takes every inch of this.” He moans weakly then spits again. “Filthy girl.  Swallowed it right up.” 

“So tell me, sugar," his breathing is even heavier now. "How do you want it?”

“What if i don’t” you lie, then gasp at the tension in your core.

“Then why’d you take it,” he says with a bite and the heavy breathing stops. 

“Because,” you pant. “It was there.”

You’re getting close.  “How do you want me,” you self-loathingly ask. He doesn’t answer. You look at your phone and he’s gone. Shit. You open the video you took of him and as soon as you hear him whimper, your body jerks as the tension bursts inside you. As soon as you finish pulsing, the regret hits you like a tidal wave. So fucked up. Soooo disgusting.  You need a shower. 

—---

You take a long, hot shower, listening to music. You sigh, feeling a little better already. You turn off the water.

“Soaking wet. That’s how I want you.” You freeze and the only sound is the dripping water for a few seconds while the song changes.  

“Come on, you’re smarter than this.” The voice changer echoes through your bathroom and you almost fall over. “What’s next? Going down to the basement?”

You stand silently in the shower with your heartbeat echoing in your ears.  There’s nothing you can do.  You squat down, hugging your knees.  There’s no good option.   

The shower curtain slowly draws open and he looms above you.

“My turn, baby."  The glint of a knife–your own kitchen knife–catches your eye. He tilts his head slightly and observes you for a moment.  Then he pulls your hair and violently forces you to your feet. You begin to slip and he catches you, then manhandles you out of the tub and you whimper. You’re thrashing around wet and naked.  He drags you to the bathroom sink and puts you between him and the sink, both of you facing the mirror. He reaches out and wipes the mirror with his robe to make sure you can see. 

The sight is surreal. You’re completely nude with Ghostface up against you.  One gloved hand cups your breast while the other raises the knife.  He stays behind you and holds your own kitchen knife to your throat.  

He inhales audibly. “So clean and so filthy.”  

You elbow him in the gut. “Let go of me.” 

“Afraid not, baby. . .” The hand leaves your breast and slides lower.  He presses on your hip, bringing you tight against him. “Too late now.” His hips push forward and the massive shape of his hard cock makes you weak. 

He holds you still with just one of his big arms as you struggle.  “Coulda had it how ya wanted.” 

The unwelcome throb between your legs is spreading through your abdomen. 

“Now you’re gonna take it right here.”  He keeps you pinned to the counter, the arm with the knife holding you still while he lifts his robe and tugs his PJ pants down.  “You’ve put me behind you after all.”  He jerks you back against him, pulling you off the counter and holding you tight against his hard dick.  He lightly trails the tip of the knife down your cleavage and your stomach, dipping into your belly button on its way down to your mound. Then he holds it handle-up and teases your cunt with the flat of the knife as you watch in the mirror. The cold metal sends a shiver down your spine and you watch your nipples harden.

“Who are you?”

“Your favorite bad guy. Ask me a. . . harder one.” He grinds himself against you.

“What do you want?”

“To know what your insides feel like.” You suck in a deep breath and register the smell of weed as his cock twitches against your bare skin. “When I’m awake,” he adds. 

He pries your legs apart with his knee, then his glove brushes your inner thighs as he aligns his cock at your entrance. “Oh you’re ready ready,” he says. He notches himself with the thick head of his cock resting snug against your wet little hole, then he holds you tight and shoves himself into you with a sigh.  You have to try not to moan with the most welcome stretch. “Hell yeah,” the mask says into your ear. Thank God you’re so wet, because there is a lot of him. He pulls back, then slams into you, bottoming out with a grunt then another sigh. You watch your face in the mirror and try to wipe the enjoyment off it. 

The hand with the knife rests against your chest as he pounds you. “You’re lucky you’re so hot.” You want to memorize the feeling of his cock inside you so you can come to it later instead of giving him the satisfaction right now.  He pants as he thrusts into you harder.  “So. . .damn. . . hot.” You look down watching your breasts jiggle as he rails you. “I don’t think so. . . baby.” He grabs your chin and makes you look back up at the mirror. Your drooping eyelids give away how good you feel. 

“Take it like a bad girl.” He grunts and brutally fucks you in the way you’re afraid only he can. No, no, you shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like this. “A real bad girl.” A climax is gathering in your lower belly.  “Cock hungry little slut,” he bites and it makes you twitch. “This pussy’s mine now, you know.” 

He buries himself inside you for another minute and makes it rough. “Now or never baby," he pants. “Know you wanna come on this cock.” God, you do. “Do it now.”  He slams into you harder than ever and groans as he begins to pulse inside you.  You can’t stop it. The feeling of his climax trips you into your own.  Your needy cunt chokes his cock, milking him of an unfathomable load.  He fucks you through it and your body jerks into his imposing, robed form. His cum is in every crevice of your core.  You can’t help but moan and sigh.

“Good girl,” he says.

His cock slides out of you, leaving a void that slowly caves in on itself. He tucks it back into his pants. 

------

Ghostface forcibly positions your chin to take one last look in the mirror. Then he picks up your phone from the counter and forces you to swipe the camera on.  He points it at the mirror and says, “say cheese.” He tosses your phone back on the counter, then slams you chest-first into the back of the door with an impact. He holds the knife to the side of your neck and says, “you’re welcome.” He really smells like weed.

“Now where’s my knife.”

“I don’t have it,” you claim. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“What’s so special about it?”

“It’s mine.” 

“The cops have it.” 

“No they don’t. Why are you lying?”

You’re not really sure. He presses the flat of the knife so hard against your throat you start to choke. “Okay,” you manage hoarsely. He lets you breathe.  You look behind him toward the toilet. 

He drags you by the elbow to the toilet. He opens the back of it and the knife is wrapped up in a grocery bag. “You watch too many movies,” he says. He pushes you out of the way, opens the door, and leaves. The song turns to Call Me by Blondie.

NEXT: PART 3

--------------------------

Please engage (reblog/comment)  if you want more of this <333 It might go a long way in motivation.

Yes this is my night walks coded ghostface but I think most people reading this don't know what night walks is lol.

Call Me:This Blog::Red Right Hand:Canon. But in this case it especially makes sense 🥹

@hearteyed-shawty had a song rec last time: I'm Yours by Isabel Derosa.

Slasher master list

@ghostslittlegf @sunflowerleii @igotmajordaddyissues @rileyquinn07

[okaylikeschaewon]

Hot-N-Fun - Part 1

~5k words, Roommates Series, smut

“Call it!”

“They never work,” you chuckled as you pulled your pants back up.

“Yeah but what if this time it’s real,” Mint pleaded while you washed your hands. “I’d do it if my phone wasn’t dead.”

“Seriously?” you began drying your hands. “It’s scratched into the side of the men’s bathroom. How could you possibly think it’s real?”

“You never know!”

“Call for a ‘hot-n-fun’ time? They didn’t even try. I think I can make a pretty safe guess,” you laughed as you dried your hands. “If anything, it’s probably just some dude messing with his friend.”

“You’re probably right,” Mint replied, staring at the scratching. “Either way, it could be funny.”

“Eh, you have a point,” you pulled out your phone and started dialing the number. “Fuck it.”

“That’s my man,” Mint smiled and jumped onto your shoulder, leaning next to your ear as your phone started ringing. “I owe you a drink for this.”

“It’s actually ringing, guess it’s a real number,” you commented, pleasantly surprised, with the phone against your ear. “I doubt they’ll actually pick-”

“Hello?”

It was a girl.

“Oh, hello,” you stammered after spending an awkward amount of time finding your voice.

“Do I know you?”

“No, I don’t think so,” you answered, stifling your laugh as Mint stared at you in shock, his eyes threatening to bulge out of their sockets.

The girl on the phone sighed.

“Did you happen to find this number in a bathroom?”

“Yeah, I figured someone put your number here to mess with you but curiosity got the best of me,” you explained. “Sorry to bother you.”

“Are you a student?”

“I am.”

“Tomorrow, 9 a.m., coffee. The cafe down the street.”

Mint began frantically nodding his head at you, mouthing ‘yes’ over and over, almost jumping on you in excitement. You couldn’t help but smile at the absurdity of what was going on, but you made it this far, might as well see it out. At least, that was your excuse. In reality, you just found it incredibly hot that she told you instead of asked you.

“Sure,” you answered. “How will I know who you are?”

“I’ll send you a picture.”

“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Could you do me a quick favor and please scratch out the number.”

“Yeah, I can do that,” you replied.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hung up, leaving you and Mint staring at each other.

“Did that really just happen?” Mint broke the silence first.

“I’m still not convinced this is real,” you shook your head when suddenly your phone vibrated, the message leaving you in shock once again. “Holy shit, yeah this definitely isn’t real.”

“Let’s see,” Mint grabbed your phone and his jaw immediately hit the floor. “Yeah there’s no fucking way. They’re harvesting organs for sure.”

“I’m still going.”

“True, who needs two kidneys anyway,” Mint laughed, giving you back your phone.

“Fuck it, this girl can have both if she wants them.”

—

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kazuha hung up her phone and turned to her roommate.

“Oh my fucking God about time!” Chaewon squealed. “Where the heck is Sakura, I need to tell her.”

“I’m not actually doing this am I?” Kazuha whined as Chaewon frantically tapped her phone screen.

“She got a call! Tomorrow morning! Yes! I know!” Chaewon screamed into the phone. “Okay! I’ll see you soon!”

“Chaewon!” Kazuha started hitting Chaewon’s arm. “I don’t want to!”

“It’s going to be so fun!” Chaewon grabbed Kazuha into a hug to stop her barrage of attacks. “I can’t wait to see him, what if he’s really hot?”

“I hope he is,” Kazuha sighed, falling face-first onto the bed.

“He will be, I can tell by his voice,” Chaewon jumped onto the bed with her. “So! What are you going to wear? Pick something that shows midriff, trust me.”

“I’m never making a bet with you two again.”

—

“Sorry I’m late.”

“You’re not late,” the girl looked up at you with a bit of a deer-in-headlights expression.

“I know, but it looks like you’ve been waiting. Therefore, I’m late,” you smiled warmly at her, gave her your name, and held out your hand.

“I’m Kazuha,” she shook your hand with firm but incredibly delicate fingers, holding on for a bit too long to be considered a ‘normal’ handshake. “Sorry, I would have waited before ordering, but I got kinda nervous.”

“No worries!” you sat down across from her. “I know it’s not exactly this simple, but don’t be nervous.”

“Yeah,” Kazuha laughed. “Just don’t be, right?”

“Is it working?” you asked while pulling your chair over so that you were sitting next to her instead of across from her.

“Umm,” Kazuha began blushing, her eyes frantically scanning you up and down as you moved right next to her. She ended up completely ignoring your question, biting her lower lip subconsciously as she picked up her mug and put it back down without even taking a sip. “Were you going to get a drink? I can come with you to the counter if-”

“No, I’m okay,” you gently placed your arm on the backrest of her chair.

Her eyes darted to your arm before going right back to you, that adorable deer-in-headlights expression returning with a vengeance.

“Here, we can share,” she picked up the mug and held it out for you to take, spilling a little on her own fingers in the process. “Oops!”

“Sure,” you ignored the error in an attempt to save her some embarrassment, and as you accepted the mug from her hand, you discreetly gave her a tissue. “Oh wow, it’s sweet.”

“Do you not like it?” she asked, looking up at you with an aura of innocent purity, as if your enjoyment of her coffee actually mattered.

“I love it,” you answered warmly, taking another sip. “What is it?”

With pure excitement, she started to explain her order, speaking too quickly to maintain any sort of semblance of coherency. The way she spoke about one pump this, one pump that, and not that a single word connected with you - in one ear out the other - was just too cute to handle. You were significantly more drawn to her appearance, focusing in particular on her expressiveness.

Her antics while she spoke were making you melt, you didn’t even bother hiding the smile on your face as you nodded along, pretending to care about whatever she was saying. She really was stunning, you could probably stare at her pretty face all day and never tire. Her beautiful wavy brown hair perfectly framing her cute features. The picture she sent definitely did not do her beauty justice. Have you mentioned that she was beautiful?

“Have you?” she waited expectantly for you to respond.

“Yeah, of course,” you replied, still mostly lost in her beauty.

She cocked an eyebrow at you before she burst out laughing.

“You haven’t been listening, have you?”

“Alright, you caught me,” you chuckled. “I got lost in your eyes for a second.”

“Oh,” she blinked rapidly a couple times before looking down at the mug in her hands. “You shouldn’t just make up stuff like that,” she added softly.

“I’m not making it up,” you reached forward and very gently pressed up on her chin so that she was looking at you again. “You have beautiful eyes.”

“Thank you,” she stammered, trying desperately to look anywhere but into your eyes, before suddenly changing the topic. “So, what about you, tell me something. Why would you call a random number like that?”

“I can’t say it’s something I do often,” you chuckled. “Although, maybe I should.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because apparently it can lead me to a coffee date with a beautiful girl.”

“You’re not even drinking coffee,” Kazuha giggled as she took another sip. “Does this really count as a coffee date?”

“I thought you said we could share.”

“We can share if you can tell me what my order is,” Kazuha teased, knowing you weren’t listening.

“Easy, two pumps of hazelnut-”

“I hate hazelnut,” Kazuha interrupted you with another giggle.

“No you don’t.”

“Wow,” she smirked, pretending to be impressed. “Were you actually listening?”

“Nah, lucky guess,” you replied with a smirk of your own.

“You’re so dumb,” Kazuha laughed, hitting your arm playfully. “You should have just ran with it.”

“You’re the one who said not to make up stuff,” you replied defensively.

“I meant about compliments.”

“Then it’s a good thing I haven’t.”

She began blushing again, tapping the side of her mug nervously before looking up at you.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you replied. “I guess you’ll just have to keep me honest on our next date.”

“Next date?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Confident, are we?”

“Should I not be?”

“Then where’s the next date,” Kazuha played along. “I chose this one, now it’s your turn.”

“Well, have you tried this thing called ‘dinner’ before? I heard it’s best with one other person at 7:00 p.m. tonight.”

“Are you asking me out to dinner?”

“What gave you that idea?” you leaned back in your chair, acting surprised for a brief moment before smiling at her. “I would have suggested a painting class or something, but it might be a bit too last minute to book something like that.”

“Then I guess we’ll have to settle for dinner tonight,” Kazuha smiled alluringly.

“I’ll call and make a reservation,” you smiled back. “Speaking of calling, want to explain that one to me?”

“I’m just going to be extremely transparent,” Kazuha put her mug down. “I lost a bet, the punishment was that I had to go on a date with the first person who called.”

“I figured it was something along those lines,” you chuckled softly. “Hopefully, I made it at least somewhat worth your time? Considering you already contractually agreed to go on another one with me, I’d say it’s going well.”

“Contractually agreed?” Kazuha laughed, tilting her head back. “Is that how this works?”

“Exactly,” you replied. “I took an intro to political sciences course in freshman year, I’d know.”

“And when was freshman year for you?”

“Last year,” you answered. “You?”

“Last year as well. How have we not taken any classes together if we’re both sophomores?”

“I assume we’re in different majors.”

“I’d bet that’s a safe assumption,” she giggled. “If you’re not in poli-sci, what are you in?”

“Wait, who said I’m not?”

“You obviously took the intro to political sciences course for fun,” Kazuha answered. “I’ve seen the poli-sci kids at this school, none of them are so…” she paused for a second while her eyes fixated on your forearms. “Toned.”

“Excuse me? You’re one to talk,” your eyes quickly darted down to the subtle midriff she was showing. “Having abs even while sitting means you’re also far too toned for whatever your major is.”

“That’s ridiculous,” she covered her mouth to stifle her giggles. “What if I’m in something like kinesiology? They’re usually fit.”

“Fuck, beautiful and smart? That’s just not fair,” you mumbled, earning you another embarrassed giggle from Kazuha. “How long before I can hire you as my personal trainer?”

“I didn’t say I’m a kin major, I was just suggesting it.”

“Can I still hire you as my personal trainer?”

The conversation paused for a bit while Kazuha laughed, and in turn made you laugh with how contagious it was. She spoke next, after finally composing herself, in a much softer tone.

“To answer your question, I’ve actually been really enjoying this,” Kazuha smiled back before biting her lower lip again. “There’s a bit more to the punishment, though.”

“Oh?” you leaned back in your chair.

“I’m supposed to actually-” she paused to lean closer to you for a second before leaning back again. “Actually, nevermind.”

“Nah, you can’t tease me like that. What is it?” you implored.

“No, it’s embarrassing.”

“I won’t judge.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” you repeated after her.

“Well, part of the punishment…” she trailed off again. “I can’t do it.”

“Hey, don’t stress it,” you leaned back. “We can talk about something else.”

“Fuck it,” she sighed, leaning forward. You moved closer until she was right against your ear. “I’m also supposed to blow you.”

“Wow,” you leaned back again and put your hands on your head. “That’s… a bit intense.”

“You said you wouldn’t judge!”

“I’m not judging.”

There was a long, silent pause, where numerous unholy thoughts flooded through your mind. Before you could even make any sense of anything though, Kazuha spoke up again.

“Yeah,” Kazuha was now starting to get really embarrassed. “Sorry, that was… I didn’t know how else… I don’t think I was supposed to actually tell you that part. This whole thing was probably super inappropriate, I’m sorry for bringing that part up, that was stupid. I feel like I just ruined this-”

“It’s okay,” you cut her off, placing your hand gently on top of hers to calm her down.

There was another pause in the conversation. During it, you simply admired Kazuha’s beautiful features some more while she absentmindedly stirred her coffee. She couldn’t find the courage to look up at you. She was clearly waiting for the conversation to continue, but she was too shy to be the one to speak next. You had to be the one to break the pause.

“I’m not going to make you do that.”

Her head snapped up and she looked at you with eyes filled to the brim with surprise. She really was quite beautiful - an aura of pureness surrounded her, almost making her glow in a way.

“I’m serious,” Kazuha announced with this intense, newfound conviction. “I’ll do it.”

“And I’m serious when I say I’m not going to make you do it,” you repeated firmly. “That’s an awful punishment, and there’s no way I’d force that upon you.”

“I appreciate you trying to help, but I really have to do this. I can’t explain,” Kazuha sighed. 

“Then just tell them you did, I’ll back your story up if needed,” you replied casually.

“They’d know I’m lying,” Kazuha suddenly lowered her tone. “They’re actually watching this date right now.”

“Are they?”

“Please don’t look around,” Kazuha panicked. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you that part either.”

“I’m not stupid,” you laughed. “Look, how about the two of us sneak off to the bathroom for like five, actually ten, minutes. We can keep chatting or just stand there in silence, how’s that sound?”

“Would you actually do that for me?” Kazuha looked at you with that same shocked and pure expression that you were starting to fall in love with.

“Yeah of course, I’m going to look around as if you just offered to blow me,” you replied while standing up and over-exaggerating the motions of looking around the cafe before holding your hand for Kazuha to take. “Now we look suspicious as fuck, come on.”

Kazuha giggled at your foolishness before grabbing your hand and following you to the bathroom.

—

“Thank fuck it’s clean,” you laughed as you closed the door behind you. “Bit cramped for two people, but at least it smells nice.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“Wait,” you leaned over her shoulder into her neck. “Oh, that nice smell is just you.”

“Stop,” Kazuha whined, stretching the word. The mirror showed her eyes rolling and her lips smiling. 

“Still haven’t lied by the way.”

“Well, thank you,” Kazuha awkwardly giggled as her backside lightly touched your crotch. “Oops!”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine,” Kazuha interrupted. “It’s a small bathroom. I really appreciate you doing this for me.”

“Don’t need to thank me, this ended up being a fun adventure. I got to grab coffee with such a lovely girl.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” Kazuha smiled at you in the mirror. “Do your dates usually end up like this?”

“If I had a nickel for every time I found myself in this situation, I’d have…” you pretended to count for dramatic effect. “Exactly one nickel!”

“You’re so silly,” Kazuha giggled, maneuvering around so that she was face to face with you. “Alright, I can’t lie, this is a tiny bit awkward.”

“Want me to face the door?” you laughed.

“No don’t,” Kazuha giggled, covering her mouth. “That would be so weird.”

“Well, I’m gonna ask for at least ten or fifteen minutes in here, I got a reputation to keep.”

“What about my reputation?”

“Good point,” you tapped your chin. “Are you known for being good?”

“Want to find out?”

“Kazuha,” it was your turn to feel warmth in your cheeks. “You might be one of, if not the, prettiest girls at this entire school. I really do want to take you on a date, I really do want to get to know you properly.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have made that joke,” Kazuha stuttered, avoiding your gaze.

“The joke was fine,” you leaned closer to her face. “I just really want to do this properly with you.”

“I do, too,” Kazuha looked into your eyes without pulling her face away, leaving her lips slightly parted.

Everything, other than the little frogs jumping around in your gut, slowed down. It was truly quite peculiar how the world worked. One moment you’re squeezed in a tiny bathroom fit for one, then one moment later it felt like it was taking hours to reach Kazuha’s lips. Were you even moving at this point? Surely by now you would have made contact. You shouldn’t have closed your eyes so early, but it just felt right. How much longer? Maybe you could open them back up, but would that ruin the moment? Then it hit you.

Strawberry.

Who even wears strawberry lip gloss? Is that a common flavor? Does she always wear strawberry? Why did it taste so good? Why did it feel so good? Have you been kissing her for too long now? Shit. Maybe you’re the one that shook her hand too long earlier, maybe it wasn’t her fault. No, that was definitely her not letting go. Speaking of letting go, are you supposed to stop kissing her now? When did your hands end up framing her face, cupping her cheeks? When did her hand end up on the back of your neck? Where’s the other one? Oh, it’s on your hip, when did it get there?

“Wow.”

“That-”

“Felt right,” Kazuha finished your thought.

“Yeah,” you agreed, suddenly noticing just how tangible the tension was between the two of you as you let go of her face and brought your hands to her hips. “Were your cheeks always this pink?”

“Are they?” Kazuha giggled, turning her face in embarrassment to try looking into the mirror.

“Don’t,” you gently turned her face with one finger until she was looking at you again. “You’re so pretty.”

“Th-Thank you,” she stuttered, physically fighting the urge to look away and hide herself.

“Can I-”

She didn’t even let the words finish leaving your lips before lunging forward and kissing you again. The force pushed your back into the door, leaving a small bruise where the doorknob hit your body that you wouldn’t even notice until later tonight. While strawberries attacked your taste buds again, you began pushing back, slowly moving forward until Kazuha’s soft body began squishing your hand into the porcelain sink.

“I think I could do this all day,” you gasped as both of you began panting for air. “But I think we’ve probably convinced your friends by now. Should we head back?”

“Wait, not yet,” Kazuha panted, licking her lips. “Can you help me get a picture?”

“A picture?”

“To prove that I… you know.”

“You mean, like, with my thing out?”

“In my mouth,” she began blushing. “Just for a second.”

“Umm.”

Was this real life? You weren’t sure anymore.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to,” Kazuha stammered. “Forget it, dumb idea, they’ll just have to believe me.”

“I can,” you wrapped your arms around her and embraced her softly. “But are you comfortable doing this?”

“I am,” her voice was muffled by your shoulder.

She pulled back, smiling at you for a second before leaning forward for another kiss. This one was softer than the previous two, her lips barely brushed against yours, her tongue barely touched you.

“Ready?” you breathed into her mouth.

“I still can’t believe you’re doing this for me,” Kazuha stared at you tenderly. “You really don’t have to.”

“It’s really no big deal,” you rubbed her arm gently before unbuckling your pants.

“Just umm, tell me when you’re… you know,” Kazuha stuttered as she turned away from you.

It was incredibly adorable the way she stood there, trying to avoid looking at you in the mirror. You lowered your pants down to your knees and began slowly stroking yourself. It definitely felt a little bit odd, but you just reminded yourself that you were doing this for her sake.

“Excuse me,” you reached your arm around her body and turned the sink on, wetting your fingers. “Let’s make it look even more believable.”

Kazuha furrowed her brows at you in the mirror, confused by what you meant.

“I assume the inside of your mouth isn’t completely dry?”

“Oh,” she finally understood what you were doing.

“Alright, I’m ready if you are.”

Kazuha turned around and kept her eyes on yours, seemingly physically incapable of looking down.

“You’re probably going to have to see my thing at some point if you want this picture,” you tried to lighten the mood. “Don’t worry, you have my permission.”

She giggled, the rosy tint returning to her cheeks in full force, before looking down at your wet cock. As soon as she looked down, her body froze again and she looked back up at you, bringing that deer-in-headlights look that you were growing so accustomed to now by now back.

“It’s big.”

“Hey, we don’t have to actually do this,” you said gently, moving her hair out of her face for her.

“No,” Kazuha replied softly before sitting down on the toilet cover. “Sorry, I just, I didn’t, yeah, I’m ready.”

Kazuha pulled out her phone and flipped her camera to selfie mode, holding it up to the side, looking for the proper angle. Once satisfied, she turned her head to you, nodded once before opening her mouth wide and staring at you.

This was your cue, and you took one step forward before gently placing your tip into her mouth. You inhaled sharply as her lips immediately tightened around your tip, her tongue resting against your hole. Despite your cock already being stiff, as soon as it entered her mouth you could feel the blood rushing into your cock, swelling it up.

Kazuha held her phone up and took a few selfies at various angles. It was wild, such a beautiful girl with your cock in her mouth in such an erotically casual way. She had her lips pouted, almost like she was kissing your tip. It didn’t really make much sense, but it was incredibly hot - she was incredibly hot. Before you knew it, Kazuha released your cock with a little pop and wiped her lips.

“Do you think you could like, push against the inside of my cheek,” Kazuha asked innocently before the realization of what she just said hit her and her face turned bright pink in embarrassment. “Sorry, that’s a crazy thing to say.”

“Of course I can,” you ignored her embarrassment and pushed your cock in front of her mouth again.

Almost reflexively, she parted her lips wide and let your cock slide back into her cozy mouth. Just as she asked, you pressed your cock against her inner cheek as she took more selfies. Your cock was exploring every crevice of her mouth, pressing and shoving against her cheek. You found, somehow, both of your hands on her head, guiding it while your cock roamed freely.

It seems that your ability to see things had completely vanished, since you failed to even notice that Kazuha had put her phone away. She was just sucking your cock; she was no longer snapping pictures. When you finally realized what was happening, you hurriedly released her head while attempting to ignore how wonderful her mouth felt.

The real shocker was that Kazuha continued to move her head back and forth along your shaft even after you released your grip. Her lips were caressing your length as she closed her eyes, totally engrossed in the moment. You were certain that her mouth was designed to suck your cock since it was now entirely her decision to blow you, and it was impossible to deny how fucking great her mouth felt.

“Kazuha,” you gently moaned, carefully pulling your hips back. “I think you got enough pictures.”

“Does it not feel good?”

Her voice felt like a dagger in your heart. She sounded disappointed.

“Hey,” you crouched down so that you were level with her and leaned forward for a quick kiss. “You’re fucking amazing, but I told you I wanted to do this properly. This feels… I don’t know how to explain it…”

“It feels forced,” Kazuha smiled understandingly at you. “I promise you it’s not, I know I don’t have to do this. I want to do this.”

“Kazuha-”

“Zuha. My friends call me Zuha.”

“Oh,” you smiled softly. “Zuha, are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” she whispered, standing up from the toilet and maneuvering you around before pushing you down to sit. “Now close your eyes, and let me prove to you that I’m good at this.”

Fuck that was hot. You obeyed her request, closing your eyes as those delicate fingers of hers gave your cock a couple of pumps. Not being able to watch truly was a tragedy, but you felt her tongue with details you never could have imagined possible as soon as she pressed it against your tip.

She slipped your cock into her mouth again, bringing back that gentle warmth, swirling her tongue around the tip a couple of times before she began using her lips to stroke you. Back and forth her lips went, your tip prodding her tongue each time she went down your shaft, while her hand firmly gripped the bottom half of your shaft. A soft moan escaped your lips, one that told Kazuha it was working - but she already knew that. The girl definitely knew how to suck cock. Even without seeing that beautiful face of hers, you were already nearing your climax.

Somehow, she also felt it coming. Or, just by coincidence, she decided to start pumping your cock. Her hand and her mouth worked in tandem, stimulating your entire shaft. Up and down, a soft slurp echoing in the small bathroom each time her mouth moved. She slowed down for just a second, leaving you spewing agonizing moans into her ears, before speeding back up.

“Zuha,” you groaned, squirming on the seat, lifting your hips up into the air. “I’m…”

That was all the warning she got, because that was all the warning you could muster. Whether or not she was ready, the next thirty seconds of her life were going to be taken over by your cum shooting into her mouth. Your eyes shot open as the first gush launched against the roof of her mouth, just in time for you to see her visibly flinch.

She looked up at you, locking eyes, and held her mouth steady. Even as the next few spurts flew out of your cock, she never flinched again. You could see your cock throbbing, each pulse shooting more cum into her mouth, but she held steady, not even blinking, staring at you with those beautiful eyes.

With one hand, you pushed her hair out of her face and cupped her cheek tenderly, using your thumb to wipe the little glob of cum that spilled out of the corner of her lips. As your cock finally began to relax, Kazuha slowly pulled back. Inch by inch, she released your cock, making sure to keep her lips taut until they reached your tip.

She gathered all the cum in her mouth and struggled to take out her phone. When she finally got it, she snapped a selfie with your cum all on her tongue. Once she was content with the picture, she bent over and spit it all out, holding her hair to prevent it from going into the sink.

“Sorry, there was just too much,” she apologized, looking back up at you. “I swear I usually swallow.”

“It’s fine,” you smiled reassuringly at her.

Kazuha smiled back before she bent down over your cock again.

“Holy fuck,” you gasped, shuddering as Kazuha gave your cock a lick from the base to the tip.

She pursed her lips around your tip, prodding your frenulum a couple times with her tongue, coaxing out a little glob of cum. Without even lifting her mouth, she swallowed it. After a few more licks, making sure you had no more cum to drain, she released your cock with a little pop.

“So,” she stood back up proudly. “You tell me, how was it?”

“Fucking amazing,” you stood up in front of her and grabbed her face with both hands.

This next kiss went on for a few minutes, or perhaps longer. It would have been even longer if it wasn’t for the aggressive knock on the door.

“Hello? There’s only one bathroom here!”

Both of you began giggling while staring at each other.

“We’re fucked,” Kazuha whispered.

“It’s your fault,” you whispered back. “Fuck it though, we’re already screwed, might as well keep going.”

So you did just that, and the two of you kissed again until a staff member came by and berated the two of you, kicking you out of the cafe and telling you to never come back.

“Worth it,” you laughed as the two of you walked out into the warm morning afternoon.

“Worth it,” she repeated, clutching your arm with both of hers and smiling. “I can’t believe it’s almost noon already. Lunch?”

“That sounds perfect.”

---

A/N:

Inspired by a prompt given to me by @mintwithchoco!

So, turns out Roommates is becoming a whole universe. I'll explain more in my Masterlist at some point, but my goal is to write a collection of fics from this universe that are all following the same OC. They're going to be readable completely independently of each other, but there will be a lot of references and foreshadowing since I've actually already plotted out like 10 fics, so if an idol is mentioned in a fic, they're probably getting their own fic at some point.

This particular one will probably be split into two parts, just so I can avoid making it too long. Hope you guys enjoy this one, I've been on a crazy Kazuha high lately and just had to write her.

Feel free to let me know what you think about this idea. I won't be releasing fics in chronological order either. This takes place in the OC's sophomore year while the Eunbi fic took place in the OC's senior year. I'm pretty committed to this now with how much worldbuilding and theorizing I've put into this, but I still love hearing feedback!

[cheriladycl01]

Funny Gaming moments with Lando and Max (F) x QuadrantStreamer! Reader

Plot: Just funny moments where Reader is a member of Quadrant and is a big UK streamer that does everything on Twitch and YouTube.

A/N: this is only small and just for fun, better Lando stuff is coming out.

Moment 1:

"Do you earn more than Lando Norris, chat you guys are wild ... but honestly with my individual sponsors, YouTube and streaming and any of my weird side activities I think it'd be up for debate" you giggle not actually knowing how much difference there was in what you or Lando earned.

"Not girlie casually admitting that with her side hustle she earns as much as an F1 driver, yeah guys, you gotta think I stream and upload full time. So i get paid for each YouTube video I do, I'm a twitch affiliate and you guys are so so generous. I game competitively and earn from that. I have sponsors, so ... lets just say i had no trouble buying Lando's Christmas presents" you grin, knowing the man had widely expensive taste.

"Who am i spending Christmas with, well Lando's family has asked if I'd like to join them, but I'll be spending the holidays mostly with Max and Pietra. Oh my gosh guys, did you see Instagram? I met Martin Garrix! How cool is that!" you laugh.

Moment 2:

"So I'm here today with Lando, and I'm teaching him Valorant, he knows that I'm in good but I don't think he knows I'm Immortal" you say until you unmute yourself in discord.

"Hey Lando baby" you joke but all you get from the otherside is silence which makes your chat go absolutely crazy.

You hear a few coughs that sound like choking, so you check his stream making sure not to tab out on stream, seeing him sat there in shock in his chair blushing.

"Lando?" you ask, and you watch as he rearranges himself in his chair pulling the mic closer to him.

"Hi, hello yes. Sorry you just threw me off guard" he laughs, wiping across his face with his fingers.

"What are we?" he asks, and you burst out laughing at the question which makes him laugh too. Chat on both ends starts going crazy, with the spam of Lando Norizz <<< Y/N the Rizzler and you were both dying.

Moment 3:

"Argghh fuck" you scream leaning back and fulling falling back off your chair. You were currently playing the horror game ' In Silence with Max, Lando and Ria.

"No way did Y/N just fall?" Max asks laughing at the girl whose stream he pulled up seeing her laying on the floor gripping her shoulder while her chair was now also laying in the floor.

"SHE DID" Lando laughs and you groan out in embarrassment.

Moment 4:

"What was that chat? My door reopened and closed shut while I was gone?" you ask looking back at your door. You knew you were home alone, the only people having a key to your apartment being Max and Pietra and Lando. But they were all travelling right now and were on the plane.

"Chat, stop messing with me" you scold jokingly, you start to load up the game your changing too. However a knock at your bedroom door has you stilling.

"What" you mouth looking at the camera. You go to the door, chat spamming saying how by opening the door that how all the dumb movie characters die. You here another knock making you flinch, you rip open the door, screaming when you see the scary mask, jumping and tacking the person now.

"Ow Y/N fuck" you hear and you rip the mask of, knowing that voice but not wanting to assume.

"Lando?" you ask looking at him.

"I thought it would be funny" he jokes laughing.

Moment 4:

"So Lando, Max and I thought it would be funny to play Valorant but for every kill we get we do a shot" you exclaim.

"Y/N gonna need new kidneys by the end of this? Hmmm very true, maybe we change it to every time we die we do a shot?" you ask seeing what chat's opinion would be on that.

"Then Lando and Max will be needing new kidneys? Well, I'm playing on my alt account and I'm just chilling so we'll be in gold/silver lobbies. Last time we played on my normal account, it was a struggle.

"Lets ask what they prefer! Guys? You want to do shots every time we get a kill or when we die?" you ask after unmuting yourself.

"We playing with MILF account of FnaticY/N?" Lando asks.

"MILF of course. And no comps, I'm not being called a booster" you grin and Max groans, Max was gold 2 and was asking for you to coach him, you had watched him in unrated's but refused to do comps together.

"Wait, when did you change your name...didnt it used to be Ilovetits6?" Max laughs.

"Yes, but chat started to call me mother? So i just rolled with it" you grin looking at chat and winking.

Moment 5:

"Are you and Lando Norris dating?" you ask, and then you open your phone and call Lando himself.

"Hey baby!" you smile and show the chat what Lando is saved as and the picture while he's on speakerphone.

"Hey love. I'm a little late coming back. I got stuck here with Zac and Oscar, but Max and P wanted to know if you would like to go out for dinner with them tonight" he asks and you laugh.

"Wait, Y/N are you live"

"Maybe, look you said you were ready to go public. So this is payback for what you did to Max on stream!" you laugh, knowing he wont be mad at you, as you'd talked recently about going public.

"Exposed? Yes yes i did" you grin.

Moment 6:

"Y/N your boyfriend is horny come sort him out" AngryGinge says adding you to the call forcefully mid stream.

"Mmmm that sounds like a job for you" you says seriously and you pull up his and Lando's stream to watch what was going on. Some people had come into your stream to say to get Lando to end the stream before PR has his head.

"He's been moaning on stream Y/N get your man and take him home"

"Yeah sorry let me just hop on the jet to Monaco..." you joke, knowing you definitely don't have a private jet.

"Wait, just how rich are you? Your boyfriends out here buying watches for 400k, you have a private jet. This just ain't right!" he exclaims making you laugh.

"I don't have a private jet. But... I've been in one of Max Verstappen's" you boast, you'd been introduced to him through Lando as Kelly wanted to meet you and set you up with her modelling agency.

"Huh? WHAT?" he screams and you just laugh before leaving the call. You shoot Lando a teasing message watching his eyes change as he reads it, and he lets out a groan that soon turns into a joke as Angry Ginge yelled at him to calm down again.

Moment 7:

"Salem stop" you tell your cat, which had jumped up and starting to paw in your lap where the blanket lay across before flopping down wanting fuss.

She started to meow at you not getting the wanted attention, but you were in the middle of an important rank up game, that would put you as radiant in Valorant.

As the game went on, you apologized to your teammates when you died after nearly clutching a round when Salem distracted you by pawing at your hand on your mouse.

"Salem please bub. 3 more rounds and you can have all the cuddles in the world" you whisper to the cat before she settles down, you proceed to Ace the next round and your team and you win the next two. The end of the game, with the MVP you get promoted to Radiant #497.

You celebrated by grabbing Salem your black Bombay cat and hugging her tightly, she leans into you wrapping her paws around happy for the affection she's finally getting.

"Treat?" you ask receiving a meow.

Chat:

y/nloverrr02- not y/n celebrating like she just got a podium

landonorizz- what's harder, f1 win, or reaching the top 500 valorant players

wedonttalkabouther- please, mother is mothering!

deadlocknerf- not her top fragging as an omen and their jett with a negative kda.

lockandassit- well done on the promo!

LandoNorris- Babe! Well done! I watched your win! I'm so proud

"Thank you, everybody. I think I'll leave it there for the day and I'll come back and we can try and get into the 450's!" you exclaim before cutting stream.

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover

[batfambrainrotbeloved]

Favorite sentence you’ve made a character say in one of your fics?

Oh god I have a LIST- but this spiraled so most of these are just dialogue quotes I managed to find whilst skimming- (Also realizing most of my funny one liners are internal dialogue)

“ I just said Bruce has been encouraging us to express our emotions- if you happen to do that through fists then well, I’d hypothetically vouch for your insanity plea deal” “Nightwing is a manwhore on principal not in practice- don't worry I know he's really a prude”  “Stop moving- Alan help me he decided to confront a man with a pipe bare fisted, I think he has a concussion” “...'m not fuckin Russian”? “How long is that coffee”? “However long it takes you to accept your fate, get ready in the meeting room, and about ten minutes" “But the image of you fleeing grounds like some heartbroken hallmark actress would be worth it” “I may owe you my kidneys, but not my respect,” 

Other works-

"Heaven forbid they find you pathetic enough to be a worthy victim- i'll be there to pay the burial fee, so goodnight” "Sensei? your more like an alcoholic uncle- or the weird emo cousin" "This asshole is the emo cousin, and the least responsible adult in this entire building" “I don't think it counts as winning just… not dying” “Last thing we need is you psyching out our seeker- If Wood wins this game I will personally kick your arse everyday for a month” “Against Wood and not Gryffindor huh? I think there's other asses on our dear captain's mind-”

"You burn the tree I won't touch your dick for a month-"

"Look Ev, i'm a girl thats all for people embracing their inner slut- "Especially those where its v e r y deep down"

 "You... are you sure you're not just projecting some sort of domestic fantasy"? "Am I really that much of a manwhore"?

“People rejected your theory because they were not ready to accept that their world would come to an end, you were persecuted just as the apostle Paul" (and the following threat speech, just my fav line)

[chaosandmarigolds]

don't mind me I'm just here to give another angst fic idea with a post you made.

this, but make it angst by; when ghost betrays fem!reader she's like:

"you...didn't mean anything you said? at all? the way you said you loved me and that i was, apparently, the most beautiful girl you've ever laid your eyes on? that was all a lie?"

"everything i told you, and everything you asked me was just...to betray me at the end?"

"[reader] believe me i didn't—"

"and the funny thing is...i loved you."

"[reader]..."

"i don't want to hear it. just do whatever the fuck you need to do. In plain sight you hid, but you are what you did; and I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive."

can you tell I've been listening to The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived on repeat? maybe the fic gives off, if you've listened to it(hopefully), The Prophecy vibes...?

okay anyway bye i love you(parasocially) forever and ever and ever

DUDE ok so I love TTPD but I have the attention span of a literal duck so i have listening to the Megamix on youtube and ugh, but yes. The smallest man who ever lived is just beautiful and heartbreaking and I did post my take on your amazingly heartbreaking prompt.

The angst you come up with? Chef's kiss. I owe you my kidney for these prompts or somethin.

Love you too! <33

[dollsonmain]

I know folks are probably getting tired of this by now so you get a tag AND a cut.

But I feel like discussing this sort of thing might help people sometimes? since it's a first person account instead of listicles online.

What they did and didn't tell me about having stents.

They told me why: Facilitates drainage which takes strain (pressure) off of the kidneys and helps the antibiotics work by helping prevent pockets of infected urine reforming (that's what was making me sick, stuck urine that had built up lots of bacteria).

They told me how-ish: They go up with various catheters and things and install the stents, the stents stay in place until they are removed. Some stents have lines that exit the body to facilitate removal. Mine do not. The doc didn't want me accidentally pulling them out since the area they're in is heavily infected. They'll be removed at my first stone removal surgery in about two weeks from installation which was a couple days ago.

They did not tell me how-completely: The stents are hooked into my body meat like little fish hooks. They also didn't tell me they'd be taking urine for testing from my bladder and each kidney or that they would also be draining both kidneys during the procedure, so I did get a fluid-pressure reset.

They did not tell me basically anything about what the next two weeks will be like.

I'm on flowmax to soften my bladder so it's easier to empty. I don't think I needed that, I was peeing fine, but stents do change things.

I was worried that I might push them out while pooping but that's not likely to the point of nearly impossible. Not 100%, but nearly.

These things feel like a bad UTI and I have two of them. I got the ows, the zaps, the GOTTA GOs every few minutes. At least now I know that ALL of those pains are UTI pains, you know? I'd get some random pain sometimes and be like "what was that......" and now I know. It was UTI and pressure in my kidneys and the pain signals were traveling around the whole renal system. Because they do that.

I'm in a lot more pain now than I was with just the kidney stones. It is very, VERY atypical but my kidney stones and the pressure behind them don't hurt. Those nerves may have died off.

There's varying amounts of blood in my urine, sometimes very little, sometimes a lot. Sometimes there are clots. That's all normal but I had to ask as things were happening.

I get up every couple hours in the night and some times I don't make it to the toilet (I did all last night, so that is improving).

They also didn't warn me that just having the surgery itself might make me wet myself because the muscles hadn't all regained strength/how long it would take for the anesthesia to fully wear off.

I called the doctor's office and asked about that, too.

I'm glad I thought to have That Guy bring Depends but that's also something you'd think someone would like, mention. You know?

So that's what having stents has been like so far.

Feels like a bad UTI, though for some people they feel nothing. Need adult diapers for accidents. Need to be near a toilet at all times, and not going to get a hell of a lot of continuous sleep for a while.

-

I also think it's worth noting that I've had two male doctors blow me off about this and I think the only thing that went differently at the ER was that it was a female doctor.

The first male doctor said it was an anxiety attack.

The second male doctor said it was a viral stomach bug.

The female doctor listened to my symptoms and ordered a bunch of tests.

So, more personal blather about the whole situation.

While I was in the first ER I heard a man yelling and starting trouble in the waiting room. That Guy and Son got up and left as soon as the man was distracted by a security guy. I'd had told them to go home as soon as they dropped me off and I would text if I needed picked up. I knew I wasn't going home, though.

-

My neighbor was an elderly lady and they kept trying to figure out when she'd last pooped but she couldn't remember. Finally she called them in and was like I need to poop so they wrestled her up on a bed pan (she cried, she was in a lot of pain) and then left her alone with her curtain closed to poop. Right then the floor doctor walked in and was like HI MISS GERALDINE and whipped her curtain open to start talking to her.

...

I chewed him out. That's very atypical of me. Like, I laid into him for not asking if she was wanting to talk in that exact moment. And then I felt really bad until I realized he's probably had people a lot more angry at him than me considering a lot of the patients I could hear were elderly and some were confused, and I didn't feel bad anymore.

-

Since it's a university-run hospital there were sometimes pairs of nurses, and at one point a trainee came in to give me a dose of antibiotics through the IV but she hooked it into the wrong plug which depressurized the system and blood starting backing up the tube. As soon as she saw that she ran to get her trainer and they spent some time doing a full reset of the IV set up.

I wasn't worried or anything. It was my own blood and it could only go so far/only so much could be lost. At the most a cup since the saline bag was fresh and mostly full, still. So I was totally calm the whole time, which I'm sure helped.

I think the nurse in training was surprised when her trainer stepped out and I encouraged her instead of yelling at her. I praised her for not being too proud to get help when she noticed an issue, and for observing how to rectify the situation.

-

That Guy was like "Yesterday's nurses did NOT like me..." and I was like yeah I kind of told on you, but not out loud. He got put on the shit list FAST by staff. So for that I have a note in my account that I'm experiencing financial abuse and he exhibits controlling behavior. If there ever is a point where Son and I have to leave, I have the name of where to call. There's a facility in Next Town Over where the hospital is that will come and get us, and that would be the last time we see him.

I feel guilty for saying anything because he has paid for my existence for decades but he has also been abusive, just not physically.

They asked me if Son is safe at home alone with That Guy and I said "Safe, yes. Happy, no."

They also asked like how is Son and I said he seems to understand that his father's behavior isn't his fault but he still has had to endure it.

I also in the process learned how much money he makes (I didn't know before) and wow we should all certainly have insurance (he and Son might through his work but I have nothing and don't qualify for assistance while he claims me on his taxes as a dependent) and have had medical care all this time and there's no reason at all to be doing the whole -pointedly look at the food receipt every grocery trip, look up at the sky angrily, shake his head, shove it in his pocked, huff, and walk away- thing. Also explains why his work friends keep suggesting burger joints that end up costing like $80 for the whole family....

[free-for-all-fics]

Squid Game prompts and thoughts. Yeah, I know this fandom may be dead, but these are old and have been sitting in my notes app for a long time so I figure I might as well share them here anyway. Maybe it’ll be revived at some point with season 2, who knows. If anyone is inspired by or uses these, pls tag me. I’d love to read it 💜

1. Since In-ho gave Jun-ho a kidney, what if you, In-ho’s spouse, have an unspecified life threatening disease but couldn’t afford treatment. You’re the motive for In-Ho becoming a dirty cop who takes bribes and later entering the games. After winning and becoming the Frontman, he secretly transfers you to his private quarters on the island while you’re cared for; mostly bedridden, closely monitored, hooked up to tubes and wires with all the medication you need, etc. Maybe you’re put in a medical coma or are otherwise in and out of consciousness/disoriented and lethargic. He spends years using his resources and power as Frontman to cure you. Even if he keeps you sedated to take that edge off reality and make things sort of a blur for you. So you’re in an almost constant stupor where you think you’re dreaming even when you’re awake, etc. He’d try to keep you in the dark about the games and what he does, but what if you know more than you let on? What if Jun-ho inadvertently found you while snooping in the Frontman’s private quarters during his investigation into the disappearances of both you and his brother? (Ep. 5 & 7)?

2. “Isn’t the idea supposed to be ‘you saved my life, now I owe you a debt’?”

“Nope. You saved my life, now I’m your problem.” With either Salesman or Frontman.

3. It’s been a few weeks since your (relative, friend, neighbor, you choose.) went missing. You hear a knock on the door. As you open it, you realize that the man in front of you is not a typical solicitor or salesman. Before you can say anything, he says, “They said you’ll pay the debt.”

4. He’s one of the best recruiters for the games. A mastermind of persuasion and manipulation. He could sell rocks to jewelers, woo any man or woman, and even get away with murder. Until he meets you, his match: The most obstinate, unyielding, stubborn person whom he’s ever encountered. Your personal records tell him you’re not in the best of situations, and yet you’re not falling for any of his tricks or games. There’s nothing you seem to want or need that he can offer you. You keep turning him down, declining everything he claims he can give you, totally uninterested and not falling for any of it. But that just makes you all the more intriguing to him. As frustrating as you are, you’re a challenge. And neither of you are ones to give up easily. Maybe he won’t recruit you to play in the games after all. Maybe your resolve to resist temptation shows him you have potential for something even greater.

5. You’re one of the most aggressive salespeople alive; you steal money from your “customers” but leave an item they want, of equivalent value, behind. You’re threatening the Salesman’s “business” by taking away his “customers”. He has to decide what to do about this. Would he try to get you out of the way? Or Perhaps you could be a useful “business” partner?

6. The world’s most arrogant salesman meets the world’s most ignorant customer.

7. In-ho and Salesman, or In-ho and Jun-ho prompt: After years of struggling to pay off your college tuitions, all your debts are taken care of. Relief grows into suspicion when you come home. An unfamiliar black vehicle is parked nearby. Two men in expensive suits stand up when you enter. How did they get inside? “You’re not an easy person to track down. You know that, right?”

8. You’re behind on payments. A salesman recruits you to do a “housekeeping” job to clear your debt, handing you a card. His “colleague” (The Frontman) will act as your benefactor if you accept. It isn’t until you’re kidnapped and wake up on an island that you find out your task is to act as a forensic cleaner. You’re expected to wash away, disinfect and sanitize every game’s messes, removing all traces of murder and death after bodies are disposed. Not a drop of blood in sight. No human matter or fingerprints left to be found. You haven’t officially met the Frontman, but from what guards have said, you don’t want to know what would happen if he found out you missed a spot. The pink guards and surviving players leave you alone to do your job at the end of each game. But something is wrong. It feels like someone is still there, watching you at all times. What’s also weird is you’re assigned a room close to the Frontman’s quarters and kept separate from the other guards. He doesn’t trust the other guards to leave you be. Basically, you’re the only masked guard who’s a woman during the games. In-ho and/or the Salesman is interested in you and purposely sought you out. What happens?

9. You’re deep in student debt with no hope to pay it off in your lifetime, so you do the logical thing: Fake your death and move to South Korea to live an inconspicuous life under a new identity. The bank can’t really do anything since you’re “dead”. All your paper/online trails have been expertly wiped. So you thought. Some years later, door-to-door salesmen in your area start asking to be let inside. You know that’s not how salesmen do things. Something’s up. This prompts you to move around the country, never staying still too long. Seoul, Busan, etc. you’re on the move the second you feel they’re onto you. Until a man in a gray suit enters your train compartment and slides the door shut behind him. He sits next to you despite there being empty seats. His polite demeanor becomes unnerving. Small talk becomes invasive. He asks rhetorical questions - already knowing everything about you. He’s backing you into a corner. He opens his briefcase to display damning evidence detailing your “past life”, a sly smile on his face. Well, shit. Can’t run or hide on a moving train. And it’s a non-stop trip that will take a few hours. What do you do now?

10. Being In-ho and Jun-ho’s younger sister would include, before and after In-ho’s entered the games? Or maybe a fic where you’re their younger sister and unknowingly in a relationship with the Salesman (as in, you don’t know what exactly he does for work and are in the dark about your eldest brother’s involvement with the games. Your other brother doesn’t tell you much, if anything, about his investigations into In-ho’s disappearance, claiming the less you know the safer you’ll be. To you, your eldest brother is still missing after so many years and Jun-ho is still trying to find him. You haven’t heard from either of them in so long. Recently, Jun-ho has stopped responding to your messages. Now you’re getting worried. You may have to go out there and find your brothers yourself, to hell with the risks.)

[tdciago]

My Fargo Thoughts

Originally posted to Reddit and removed by moderators. Posting here for my own records.

Viewers probably think that Dot looks at the Bisquick boxes and breakfast ads at the Gas 'n Go with only Scotty in mind, but I think there's something more. We will flash back to Dot's kidnapping, to show what happened after she was cornered. She will further injure Donald Ireland, and Munch will give his monologue about kings and his early life, culminating with his request for pancakes. This will have a profound effect on Dot. Her vigorous stirring of batter also creates a little tornado-like whirlpool effect in the mixing bowl, a reference to Dorothy Gale. Let's remember that Liberal, Kansas (the setting for *East/West*) is both the pancake hub of the universe and the self-proclaimed home of Dorothy Gale.

GENDER-SWAPPING AND NON-CONFORMITY

Scotty "the cross-dresser" is the most obvious example here, choosing a suit over a dress, liking ninjas instead of dolls, etc. But the preview shows that Dot and Munch are also going to start dressing like each other. Dot will don a long green coat and become more ferocious, and Munch will wear what looks like a woman's coat with a fur collar and windowpane plaid, mimicking Dot's appearance. These two have a connection of some kind. They are kindred spirits. Also, from the very start of the story, Dot wears pants and Munch wears a kilt. Noah Hawley has said that this season will examine our perception of gender roles.

BRAINS

We've already had a couple of zombie references, and brains are their food of choice. Donald Ireland, demonstrating his thematic connection to the Scarecrow from *The Wizard of Oz*, moans that he needs his brain when Dot suggests that his facial burns could lead to brain infection. Dot also tells Wayne to call Scotty for dinner before her brain turns to mush from watching cartoons, and she mentions some story about a man going to the hospital for a kidney transplant, but ending up with someone else's brain.

DECAPITATION?

All the zombie/brain discussion leads me to suspect that someone will be decapitated on Halloween. We see an inflatable pumpkinheaded figure holding a skull outside the Lyon home, and Witt tells the convenience store clerk to get down before he loses his head.

PIRATES

Dot reads a story about pirates to Scotty, and previews show that she will try to buy a gun from a salesman dressed as a pirate at Gun World. That salesman has an eye patch over his right eye, like Danish Graves, perhaps suggesting that Danish is himself a pirate in some way. I think he knows more than he lets on about Dot's origins.

MIRROR IMAGERY

I've posted before about a possible "mirror universe" theme in season 5, as Noah Hawley has used that term to describe the internet vs. the real world, and how we see enemies in the mirror, when it's actually just a distorted image of ourselves.

With that in mind, we have the mirror-image leopard wallpaper in Dot's bathroom; Munch looking in a mirror and Dot appearing from behind to attack him; Munch seeing the cop car in his rear-view mirror; and Gator noticing his murdered companion in the side-view mirror. The previews also show Dot and Munch mirroring each other's clothing.

There are also mirrored themes in both Donald Ireland and Josh Hunk suffering burns, when both are Scarecrow substitites. And both Roy and Lorraine believe that Dot owes them something via her marriage vows.

THE WIZARD OF OZ

I've talked about these references for months, and now we begin to see them play out.

The name Dorothy Lyon is an obvious nod to Dorothy Gale and the Cowardly Lion. It's clear that Wayne represents the Cowardly Lion, who will find his courage in the end.

The surname Tillman sounds like Tin Man. Roy is a self-proclaimed "hard man for hard times." He ironically lounges in a hot tub, with a steam pipe reminiscent of the Tin Man's hat, and he mentions a "rainy day fund." Water is the Tin Man's enemy, as it causes him to rust. What does this foreshadow? Like the Tin Man, Roy is heartless.

See https://imgur.com/a/t5aWVTi

The name Munch is (among other things) a reference to the Munchkins.

The name Donald (meaning *world leader*) Ireland (*the Emerald Isle*) points to the Scarecrow, who was made ruler of the Emerald City until the return of Princess Ozma. Donald ireland reinforces this connection by lamenting the potential loss of his brain, and being set on fire, the Scarecrow's greatest fear. In *The Wizard of Oz*, Dorothy throws water on the Scarecrow to put out the flames. Here, Dot uses ice (frozen water) to hit Donald Ireland and cause him to die by striking the porcelain toilet, which also contains water.

Josh and Lenore Hunk bear the name of the Kansas farmhand who becomes the Scarecrow in Oz. Josh Hunk will also suffer burns when Roy throws hot coffee in his face.

Lorraine Lyon, for now, is playing the villainous role of the Wicked Witch of the West, as well as the role of Mombi, the witch who had Princess Ozma kidnapped and turned into a boy named Tip to hide her as the rightful ruler of Oz. *Mom* Lorraine frequently wears black, and has artwork in her office that depicts women's legs, bringing to mind the legs of the Wicked Witch of the East, sticking out from under Dorothy's house.

See https://imgur.com/a/Xg5L5x0

The Wicked Witch of the West controlled both the Winkie guards and the flying monkeys through the power of a golden cap. Not only does Lorraine seem to love gold everything, but her non-entity husband is named Wink.

The word *grave* in Danish means *dig*, and the Wizard's real name was Oscar *Diggs*. This suggests that Danish Graves may be a Wizard figure. For now, he is certainly Lorraine's flying monkey.

Dot's bloody feet are the ruby slippers. Her many yellow sweaters represent the Yellow Brick Road. She will also be seen wearing a rainbow-striped sweater, another clear reference to Dorothy.

THE LADY, OR THE TIGER?

The title of this short story has come to mean an unsolvable problem. Dot fills both the role of the lady and the tiger at once, and we are presented with the seemingly unsolvable problem of how she got home to Scandia, MN from Beulah, ND, over 500 miles away, on foot, with no shoes.

Indira Olmstead is shown dealing with her own unsolvable problem of financial debt. As she reviews her bills, we see two art pieces behind her on the wall, depicting a lady on one side, and a tiger on the other.

Episode 4 is titled *Insolubilia*, which literally refers to an unsolvable problem.

(Continued in reblog)

[miyos-multiverse-express]

Pelipper mail! To Tohru!

A nightmare! Its not yours!

You're in the drama club room, cleaning as many surfaces as you can, sorting as many props as you can, blaring vocaloid from your phone, all to drown out your thoughts.

You don't like being alone with your thoughts. They just remind you how nothing is permanent, how useless you are without your Persona, how badly you miss him, how you don't even know you are anymore. There's also the matter of how the silhouette on the Midnight Channel looks a lot like you, which your brain has been tormenting you with. But its not like you'll get kidnapped. At least, you hope not. And even if you did, it can't be as bad as last time... right? Right.

A knock at the door reminds you why you were staying after today in the first place. Right, you needed to sign for some theater props. You rush to the door, leaving your phone on the desk, and answer it.

"I'm Akira Kurusu, I'm supposed to sign for the theater props." Its funny how naturally that name fell off your tongue. Sometimes you catch yourself wondering if you would forget your real name.

The delivery man looked a bit shocked, before nodding. "Of course it would be you."

Huh. Weird way to say that.

The man hands you a clipboard, before asking you to "Sign here."

You freeze for a moment, your wrists beginning to ache, and you blink away visions of a police officer in uniform in a grey interrogation room.

The man nods, and asks you a question. "Hey, could you do me a favor and help me move the box here? My buddy's out sick, and you look strong enough to carry it."

You nod. "Of course I can."

You prop open the door with a rock, so you don't lock yourself out, before heading to the truck.

The man tells you that "you'll know the box when you see it", which isn't very helpful.

You enter the back of the truck, and notice that you, in fact, do not know the box when you see it. Oddly enough, there seemed to be a TV in there as well.

You turn around to ask which box you're supposed to get, before you hear the truck door close and lock shut, as the light from outside completely disappears. Your eyes widen, and you hear the man's voice. "Sorry, I can't let you leave. I need to save you."

"Eat shit," you respond, before charging at him. Unfortunately, you trip over a box, and land pretty badly on your arm. Ow. You also feel something fall out of your pockets. Hopefully it wasn't anything important.

You flick on Third Eye, and are helpfully informed by the red outline that the man is more powerful than you. Thanks, magical eyeball power.

You roll and scramble to your feet, dodging the man's swipe at you, before you jab him in the kidney and rush to the door.

Your hands reach your pockets, and you realize that the thing that fell out of your pockets was important, it was all your lockpicks. Shit. You rattle the handle uselessly. Fucking fantastic. A Phantom Thief foiled by a fucking locked door.

In a last ditch attempt to get out of this situation, you bang and the door and scream. "HELP—HELP ME I'M—mmmmphhh!"

You can feel some sort of cloth covering your nose and mouth, and you smell nothing but chemicals. It burns into your nose and eyes, and you can feel everything getting dizzy and fuzzy.

Yet you still struggle with everything you have, trying to get this fucking rag off your face. Though, it was pretty useless, as your arms and legs started feeling more and more like jelly. After a couple more seconds, your legs give out from under you, and you hit the ground. You start to lose consciousness, but before you do, you see the face of the delivery man, and you think you recognize him. Wasn't he that city council secretary...?

It doesn't really matter. Everything goes black shortly after.

Tohru: (shitfuck damn it why did it have to be about fucking Namatame-)

Miyo: You, uh. You good?

Tohru: (having flashbacks please hold.)

Miyo: What - OH RIGHT. Uh. Physical contact yes/no?

Tohru: (Mmmm yes I think.)

[walkthevalley]

What are you made of?

"And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Genesis 2:22-23

The Good Book says that Eve was made from a rib from Adam's side.

I wonder why.

The rib isn't integral to the central structure of the man's body because the axial skeleton can operate just fine without appendages. The rib doesn't perform a specific organic function like the lungs or the liver or the kidneys, nor does it operate as a command center like the brain and its many parts and pathways.

Then it hit me: no woman is the same. We're all made differently. We're all individuals. And every man isn't missing his rib. Here's why I say that.

Some women are made from their man's rib.

She is always at his side. She protects him, she guards his heart, she takes the hits for him sometimes. She supports him and helps him stand tall. She is under his arm to be held close and loved well.

Some women are made from their man's head.

She is a little more fragile, so she needs to be protected more carefully. But she is witness to the workings of his mind and intimately involved in the conception of his thoughts. She holds his dreams while he sleeps.

Some women are made from their man's hand.

She is agile, versatile, adept, able, and sensitive. She makes beauty out of chaos, she makes delicious out of bland, she makes good out of bad. She is responsible for everything he does. He owes all he accomplishes to her.

There are many, many parts of man out of which to make the perfect woman for him, and once he finds her, once he finds the missing piece of himself, he is never the same.

From this I have concluded that I must be made out of some dude's tailbone because no man wants this pain in the ass.

[arcplaysgames]

Okay I am fucking around in the Kamoshida Palace rn so lets recap.

Went back to meet with the doctor lady because she felt like an SLink I mean Confidant (which is frankly a WAY BETTER TERM for SLinks, they should backport that shit).

Punk Doctor will hook Reverie up with the good shit but only if he acts like a test subject for her. This is extremely inethical! I love it! Lets do it.

lmao okay having a doctor as the Death arcana is pretty funny even if that isn't what Death means. But given the nature of Death as an irrevocable transformation, a back-alley doctor is great for that. Hopefully the transformation isn't going to be organ failure or her selling my kidneys.

Reverie The Fifth has so much personality tbh and I love it. Even if I'm kinda cold on my team so far, he's vibrant enough to actually carry this story so far. I'm gonna need some ffffcuking weirdos soon tho.

these gym uniforms are bad, can we all agree on that

So far Ryuji is not thrilling me but I do like a book-dumb-emotionally-smart boy who loves his mother.

Also, finally getting the background on what the fuck Kamoshida did to Ryuji. It feels stupid at this point to say "jfc the lack of professionalism" but wow, telling your other students about one athlete's abusive father, you'd think that was a breach of SOMETHING. Goddamn.

anyway Ryuji literally says something like "well that's in the past now, we need to look to the future" so he's Chariot as fuck so far.

Morgana I don't like heights okay they are scary, what if i fall???? and crack my head on the shelf and bleed out and Sojiro already left for the night so I would die?????? did you think of that?

Sojiro would probably get mad at me lbr

I DUNNO HOW Y'ALL CAN HATE MORGANA. THEY ARE A TALKING CAT WHO SLEEPS IN MY DESK OR SITS NEXT TO ME WHILE I READ. Like, the degree to which Reverie is living the fucking Sailor Moon dream here is amazing. He is a fucking Magical Girl.

do i get petting rights someday. will morgana permit pets. i wanna pet them. is that like a rank 8 confidant thing.

god i fucking hate the VR. there's no one to flirt with in there.

I DO LIKE THAT OUR PERSONA ACTUALLY FUCKING HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH US? Like, Arsene stops to talk to Reverie before fusion, which is a nice touch.

Sorry did I say fusion

what in the everloving fuck

YANNO Persona 3 had to endure years of jokes about how edgy it was for having the summoning being a fake gun to the head. EVERYONE OWES PERSONA 3 AN APOLOGY. FUSION IS NOW EXECUTION AND THE COMPENDIUM IS THE INMATE REGISTRY.

B R U H.

man i don't wanna advocate violence on children but also i want to punt caroline through a goal post, what do.

anyway I'm working on the palace, bbiab.

[invisibleraven]

It's not what you lost, it's what you gained

Written for the Year of the OTP challenge prompt: No, I'm not dating your brother

Pairing: Julie/Luke/Reggie

On AO3!

Man, took long enough for me to get to my OT3 with this series huh?

Reggie has a brother when it's plot convenient, so I'm using my OC Alfie because no parents who name their first child Reginald are going with the name Steve for their second.

Hand waving any medical inaccuracies, and please enjoy!

Alfie is on his way to class when his phone rings and he almost ignores it. This final review is paramount to him passing this Chemistry class, and he’s running late as it is. But it’s an LA area code, so he reluctantly swipes to answer it.

“Mr. Peters? This LA County General. We have your brother Reginald here as a patient…”

The rest of the words are eaten up by the rush in Alfie’s ears as the fear rushes through him. The thought of Reggie, lying alone and broken in some hospital bed, he can’t even think about it. He thanks the nice nurse and books the first flight he can back home, rapidly throwing things in a duffel bag. Screw classes, screw his finals, his brother is more important than anything.

He’s sure Reggie would disagree, having slaved away at a million dead end jobs to afford Alfie’s tuition, but the man had practically raised him when their parents failed to be present, and then fought to be his legal guardian the second he turned eighteen. Alfie owed him the world. So it was off to LA, hoping and praying that he wasn’t going to be too late.

He doesn’t remember much of the flight or the cab ride from the airport, only that it seems to take forever. He hasn’t missed California traffic, nor the intense heat, part of him longing for his cool Portland spring, but at least he had the sense to pack a few lighter shirts in his bag, pulling one on as the taxi rounds the bend to the hospital. He’s sure he overtips as he all but shoves bills at the cabbie, but he doesn’t care, he barely remembers to take his bag as he rushes to the front desk.

“Hi, I got a call about my brother? Reggie Peters? Can you tell me where he is?” he asks at the front desk. The woman purses her lips but nods, typing into her computer, and with each clack of the keys he prays she isn’t about to tell him he’s too late or that he can’t see Reggie after all this.

“Fourth floor, room 450. Follow the yellow line to the elevators, then the blue line once you’re up there. Visiting hours are over at 9.”

Alfie nods in thanks and quickly locates where he’supposed to go, heart pounding as he finds the elevator, jamming repeatedly on the button, as if that had ever made them go faster. He’s tapping his feet and is just about to give up and find a stairwell when the doors open and he enters, pressing the 4 harshly in hopes it will hurry things along. The mindless music is grating, but Alfie’s brain is too full of thoughts to even register it.

He knows Reggie was in a car accident, had multiple fractures and a concussion. There had been some worry about a bruise to his kidney, and they had already done a surgery to clean up some internal bleeding. The prognosis was good, but Reggie had yet to wake up.

That’s what worried Alfie the most.

What if he didn’t wake up? What if he woke up and didn’t remember anything? Remember Alfie? What if he woke up and he was all alone and scared?

His thought spiral was interrupted by the doors opening, and Alfie frantically looked around for the blue line, finally locating it and counting off the numbers of the rooms as he went. 415, 423, 437… 450!

The door was partially open, and Alfie peered in, not wanting to interrupt if a doctor was seeing Reggie. But no, instead he saw people on either side of Reggie, a Latina woman with dark curly hair who is clutching his left hand, and a guy with shaggy chestnut hair on his right, hand on Reggie’s shoulder since that arm is in a sling.

Alfie has no clue who either of them are.

Look, between his classes and Reggie’s jobs, they haven’t had a chance to catch up lately okay? But still, these people seem to be very concerned for his brother, and neither of them are in scrubs, so that rules out medical professionals. “Hello?” he calls out and they both look up at him with wide, red rimmed eyes.

“Oh, you must be Alfie,” the woman says. “You look just like your pictures.”

“I am,” he says. “Who are you?”

“I’m Julie, this is Luke. Reggie is our best friend.”

“Jules-” Luke starts, but she waves him off. Alfie can question all that later, and how close the two of them could possibly be to Reggie when he can’t recall either of their names being mentioned. But they were here, and maybe they had answers that the doctors wouldn’t give.

“How is he-really?” Alfie asks as he looks over Reggie. Aside from the arm in the sling, he can see his left leg in a cast, bruises littering his exposed skin, a collar around his neck and a plethora of machines whirring and beeping away.

“He’s tough,” Luke says, “But he got pretty beat up. The other driver was drunk, plowed through a red light, he’s equally messed up, but his family is covering Reggie’s care, since he was at fault.”

“Well that’s a relief,” Alfie said as he took Julie’s spot, grasping Reggie’s hand tight. “I’m here bro, I’m here.”

Reggie’s pulse is there below his fingers, and Alfie finally felt the tension flood from his body. Yes, Reggie is bruised and broken, and there is a hard road ahead of him in terms of rehabilitation, but he’s still there. Alfie just needs him to wake up now, smile that crooked grin of his and lambast him for taking time off from school when he’s perfectly fine.

He looks up, seeing Luke and Julie still there, Julie standing beside Luke’s chair, pushing Reggie’s hair from his face.

“Thank you both for being here for him,” Alfie says quietly. “I would hate to think he was here alone.”

“Of course,” Luke replies. “He’d do it for either of us.”

“It was the least we could do for him,” Julie finishes, sending Reggie a fond look. A look that Alfie had only seen in movies, in fairy tales really. It’s the look of someone who genuinely loves the person they’re looking at, in the deepest way you could love someone. He hadn’t had much experience with it in his own life, but he still knows it when he sees it.

“Are you dating my brother?” Alfie asks. Julie and Luke exchange a worried look, and Alfie doesn’t know what to make of that. “It’s just… he never talks about himself. He tells me this and that, but he’s never mentioned either of you, and if it’s new that’s fine, but I need to know.”

“No, I’m not dating your brother,” Julie finally answers. “We… we both wanted to. Took forever to convince him we loved him like that.”

Alfie got that. After their parents it had taken years and lots of therapy for him to believe that he could be lovable to anyone, so it stands to reason that Reggie would also have a harder time believing anyone could want him. Or that romantic love could be anything but toxic. So no wonder he had a harder time convincing himself that two people could want him like that.

Luke reaches up and squeezes Julie’s hand on his shoulder. “But we finally did. He was driving to our first date when he got in the accident.”

“It’s not your fault,” Alfie says, as if that will assuage the guilt they’re surely feeling. “He might have been out getting groceries or going to work, the fault is with the guy who decided to get behind the wheel drunk.”

“I just wish it had never happened,” Julie says with a sniffle.

Luke gathers her into his arms at that, soothing her. “Sssh, it’s okay boss. We’ll be here for him the whole time right? Take him to every appointment, help him with whatever he needs help with. He’ll be sick of us by the end of it right?”

“Right,” Julie says wetly, giving Luke a weak smile.

“You two don’t have to do that,” Alfie says.

“Of course we do,” Luke says. “We love Reggie. He’s our whole world. And he’d kill us for letting you take more time off of school just to take care of him.”

“He’s so proud of you,” Julie adds. “Always going on about his genius baby brother and how he’s going to change the world.”

Alfie looks down at Reggie’s sleeping face. “He really talks about me?”

“All the time,” Luke promises. “I think he was waiting until after our date to tell you about us though.”

“Don’t hold it against him for keeping it secret, not everyone understands polyamory,” Julie says.

“I could never-Reggie is the greatest guy there is,” Alfie says, wiping away a tear. “I don’t care who he loves, or how many people. His heart is big enough to hold the whole world, I’m just happy he found people who realize it.”

Julie and Luke smile at him, and then they all look at Reggie, willing him to wake up. But he stays stationary, the machines still beeping and whirring around them. They sit there, getting to know one another as time goes on. A nurse reminds them about the end of visiting hours, but none of them move.

None of them want Reggie to be alone.

Finally it ticks over to 9, and another nurse gives them a stern glare, the three of them exiting the room, each promising to be back the next day. Alfie looks away as Luke and Julie press kisses to Reggie’s face. Then they invite him to stay at their place, or a ride to Reggie’s, if he wants. He decides to stay at his brother’s, and is shocked by the tiny studio apartment. There’s a cherry red bass in the corner, plants on every surface, and a dog dish in the corner. “Dolly is with my dad until Reggie can come home,” Julie says.

Alfie can see the walls covered in photos; shots of Reggie and the pit bull mix he’d adopted after finding her hurt on the beach during a lifeguarding gig, pictures of him playing his bass alongside Luke and a blonde guy playing drums while Julie is singing behind a piano.

“We’re in a band together,” Luke explains. “Julie and the Phantoms.”

“Tell your friends,” Julie says, though the phrase makes her a little melancholy.

There’s a bunch of shots of Alfie, and he almost cries when he sees the one of him and Reggie at his graduation, beaming faces smiling wide as MeeMaw took the shot. Plus another with her hugging them both tight that he touches reverently. God, he needs to call her in the morning, she’s in a home now after breaking her hip one too many times, but she’s still in full capacity of her senses.

“We already called Chavala,” Julie says. “She made us promise to take good care of you both.”

“Thank you,” Alfie says. Wonders how much more of Reggie’s life he’s missed out on, if even their grandmother knows about Luke and Julie when he’s been in the dark.

But the evidence is there, staring him in the face, because the bulk of the photos are of Luke and Julie themselves. Some alone, some together, a great deal more with Reggie. They look so happy together, all smiles and lovelorn expressions. Without going on a single date, if he looked at these photos, he would have assumed they had been together for years.

“The fridge is stocked, but if you need anything, you can call us,” Luke says, writing down their numbers on a piece of paper. “We’ll pop by in the morning, we can all go in and see him tomorrow.”

Alfie nods, and sees them out, but when he crawls into bed that night, he breaks down in tears, relieved that Reggie’s alive, but mourning the lost time between them. He sleeps restlessly, and barely manages a bowl of cereal before Luke and Julie show up. They chatter mindlessly as they drive towards the hospital, but all conversation ends once there, all of them silently waiting for Reggie to make some sign of consciousness.

But he’s just as still as he was the day prior. Alfie takes the time to email all his teachers, letting them know where he is, and most of them get back to him giving him extensions. Not the terrible Professor Martinez for Chem of course, but one email to the dean has him excused until he gets back. The doctor comes in to do a few more tests, so the three of them go to get something to eat.

“I hope you guys aren’t missing too much work for this,” Alfie says as he picks at his salad.

Luke and Julie exchange a look. “Um, the band is our job,” Luke finally says. “Our demo is doing really well, and we just got picked up by a label. The night we got signed is the night we told Reggie how we felt.”

“But Reggie…”

“Reggie works at the animal shelter because he likes it,” Julie says with a giggle. “Our friend Willie is covering for him. He quit all the other part time gigs once the band started taking off and our merch sales more than made up for it.”

Once again, Alfie aches inside, thinking back to every conversation that he’s had with Reggie over the past little while. He goes on and on about his classes, his friends, the cute guy who’d asked him out. That had led to Alfie finally coming out to Reggie who laughed and told him he didn’t care, and hell, he was bi, so he couldn’t say shit. That had been months ago though.

Reggie never told him squat about his own life though, sticking to his job walking dogs or serving coffee. He never mentions his friends, or his band, or the people he loves. He always demurred, like he thought Alfie wouldn’t be interested, and Alfie realizes he stopped pressing ages ago, not wanting to fight if Reggie didn’t want to be known. He silently curses their parents for screwing them up so royally, and vows then and there to be a better brother, to push more.

He just prays he gets the chance.

When they get back to the room, the doctor pulls Alfie aside. “His brain is active, the swelling is gone, and we’re going to remove the breathing tube. I’m hopeful that he’ll wake soon.”

Reggie does look a little better when they enter the room, the tubes and wires greatly reduced, and the bruises are starting to fade, just a little. But he still doesn’t wake up. Alfie squeezes his hand tight. “Come on Reginald, wake up. I’ll be so mad if you don’t.”

“Come back to us cariño,” Julie whispers, pressing a kiss to Reggie’s face.

“We have a date to get to, you can’t sleep through that bud,” Luke jokes. “And you know Willie can’t play bass for shit.”

“Maybe we should sing to him,” Julie jokes back.

“My acoustic is in the trunk,” Luke perks up at the suggestion and when Julie sends him a look, he shrugs. “You know I don’t go anywhere without a guitar!”

“Go get it,” Alfie says. “I’m willing to try anything.”

Luke dashes out and returns a few moments later with his guitar, beaming as he sits back down, nodding at Julie who starts tapping out a beat on her thighs, which Alfie clumsily copies. Reggie’s the one who got all the musical talent between them, he’s practically tone deaf, but he can follow this a little.

“Can you, can you hear me?” Julie sings softly.

“Loud and clear!” Luke sings back.

“Gotta get, we gotta get ready.”

“Cause it’s been years!”

“That's my song,” comes a creaking voice from the bed and three pairs of eyes fly to where Reggie is blinking up at them. “Hey darlin’, babe. Was going on?”

“Reggie!” Julie cries, hugging him as much as she’s able. “Dios mio, never scare us like that again!”

“I’ll try not to sweetheart,” Reggie replies, though his voice is more of a croak than anything. “As soon as you tell me what I did.”

“You got in a bad car accident hun,” Luke says, bringing his free hand up to press a kiss to the knuckles. “Had us worried sick.”

“Sorry,” Reggie replies, licking over his dry lips. Then he turns his head and sees his brother. “Alf, what the heck are you doing here? You have finals!”

“You’re more important dummy,” Alfie says, swiping the tears from his eyes as he chuckles. “And we need to have a long talk about you not telling me stuff.”

Reggie flushes, looking at the couple beside him who nod and vacate the room. “I meant to tell you, I just… you know how it is, I never think my stuff is all that important. You’re in college, going to change the world one day. I’m just…”

“A future rock star with two pretty damn good partners?” Alfie finishes for him. “Reggie I wouldn’t care if you were just sitting in your sweats playing MarioKart all day, I still wanna know about your life. It’s important to me, because you are important to me.”

Reggie sniffles, and lets out a little okay. “We’re not dating, you know. Not yet.”

“Bud they’ve been by your side since you got here, safe to say that you are,” Alfie replies.

“I love them.”

“Good, because they love you too. And I approve, so we’re golden.”

“So… how’s life?” Reggie asks.

Alfie barks out a laugh and the two of them spend the next hour catching up, only interrupted by doctors doing some tests and Luke bringing them food while Julie gets Reggie’s care instructions from the nurses.

Reggie finally convinces Alfie to go home the next day, he’s in good hands, but promises to call him every night. “If not, I will,” Julie vows.

So Alfie goes home, aces that Chem final-take that Professor Martinez! And he’s back in LA for when Reggie can play his bass again, smiling and bouncing all over the stage at Julie and the Phantoms first gig since he got his casts off.

And Alfie shouts louder than anyone when Luke and Julie kiss his cheeks during their bow, all three of them smiling wide, looking happier than he has ever seen his brother.

And a year later, he’s happily standing at Reggie’s side as his best man as the three of them have a commitment ceremony that beats any wedding Alfie’s ever been to. But Alfie’s favourite moment is when Regige picks him to dance with during the family dances, and they boogey away on the floor. Sure, he wishes that Reggie never had the accident that led to this, but a part of him will forever be grateful that he and his brother are closer than ever. He soon returns Reggie to Luke and Julie’s arms, and smiles at the three of them swaying together.

He doesn't even care that Reggie is leaving the Peters name behind, because Luke and Julie's families have adopted them both as their own, and Alfie is half convinced that if he was a few years younger, Victoria Alvarez would be fighting to be his mom for real. So surrounded by his new family, and his brother looking ecstatic with his spouses by his side, Alfie has no complaints about the road that led them here. Yeah, this was alright by him.

[umbrellamedic]

Fear.

Send my muse a word and they’ll tell you something about their past related to that word (Angst Edition).

"Did you know that I used to torture for hire? Umbrella never resisted my taking jobs for other companies because I would share the results with them. They also used me for their own fact finding endeavors. My victims were sometimes supposed to be disposed of after I was finished anyways, so I would often have fun with them.

"I am sure you have seen how afraid someone is when you kill them, but have you ever tortured someone to death? I would treat their injuries as I worked. I would take them apart bit by bit, keep them alive. My proudest little toy was a man who had dreams of immortality and was willing to betray Umbrella's interests for it. Interesting research; if not for his compound I would have scars. Every inch of smooth skin is owed to this man, so he deserved something special.

"When people break and tell you what you want to know they expect the pain to end. Can you imagine how his face looked when he spilled his secrets and Command said I could get rid of them however I want? When Command encouraged me to take my time? My first step was to use his formulation on him to clean up my previous work and have a clean canvas to work with. His teeth had to go, one by one with a hammer and a pair of pliers. This made forcing the feeding tube into him easier. His cock and balls were removed next. More tubes to evacuate his waste. Both feeding and evacuation are forced; he lost all right to any bodily autonomy when he crossed Umbrella.

"I took my time after that collecting all the little parts of him. Pulling his nails off. Skinning him. Removing muscle and tendon. I tried to get the bone as clean as possible before cutting at the joints to remove it. It took a lot of work and everything he and Umbrella had to offer to keep him alive. Eventually the mind breaks; I was left with a head and torso that could only stare blankly at the ceiling light while machines kept him fed and breathing- and filtered when I removed his kidneys and liver and left him in need of dialysis

"I miss those days. But also, I want to impress upon you that when I say I have seen monsters and I know fear, and you do not measure up, it is not grand standing. When I say I should have been a killer and that I do not understand how you were given that role, it is because I have done things to other humans that make a simple murder pale in comparison."

[popculturebuffet]

Rocko's Modern Life Hutch and Filbert Retrospective: (Rinse and Spit The Big Question/Answer and From Here to Maternity) (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Happy easter all you happy people! This year is an anniversary o-rama isn't it? X-Men, Iron Man, Avengers, John Allison, Legion of Super Heroes and many more. But among them all is one i'm going to be spotlighting a few time this years, a show that dosen't get enough love and deserves all of it: Rocko's Modern Life!

Rocko's Modern Life was created by Joe Murray as one of the earliest nicktoons, and used the wild west nature of those early days to craft what's essentailly an adult animated sitcom on a children's network, a slice of life show about living in your 20's following Rocko, a shy but kind and welcoming australian, his obnoxious but loveable best friend and man child heffer, and their third buddy Filburt, a neuotic turtle who while intially based on a sex criminal, thankfully grew out of that woody allen shape and into his own character. The three navigated all the pitfalls of being in your 20's in the 90's: multiplexes, mean bosses, cranky neighbors, finding out your adopted, health clubs, overextending your credit, crazy buss drivers stalking you to get BACK ON THE BUSSS, kidney removals, your neighbors wife trying to hump you, camping trips, the horrors of riding a plane, getting sent to heck and of course wild pigs.

It was a great show that could be incredibly relatable one minute and entirely bananas the next, and sometimes both at the same time. It was remakrably well done and going back for this set only reminded me why I love it so much.

So for our first look at it this year, we're taking a look at the show's major romantic subplot. It technically had two as Rocko had a longtime crush on his neighbor Melba Toast, but it was less a subplot with any progression and more just him pining for someone who didn't like him back. Honestly I feel bad that Rocko never got a steady relationshpi: he had two that seemed like they might work out and we might get to his fractured love life sometime this year, but the poor guy never got it started.

No the shockingly most consitent relationship on the show was Filburt's with Dr. Hutchison, the love story of a neurotic nerd and a doctor of all trades with a hook. Suprisingly though it's only really the focus of three episodes and an important part of two. We'll be saving kiss me i'm foreign for a later day, but it's remakrable how despite just kinda being there and in a series that didn't focus TOO hard on continuinty, how consitent it is and likeable it comes off. And since I love a good relationship it only seems right to take a nice long look at it and see why it works just in time for Zombie Jesus Day as the last episode happens to involve easter bunnies, jesus mortal enemies. So come with me under the cut for a love story for the ages

Rinse and Spit wasn't an episode I thought much about. I remmebered it sure, it's hard to forget the episode where rocko gets king konged by a giant tooth, but rewatching it this may be one of the shows best. It's just so densely packed with jokes, the second half is so lovingly bonkers, and paula is just so friggin great throughout you can't help but love it. The plot follows Filburt who tries to slasher villian stalk Hefer into taking part in his exam for dental school, and who then baits rocko into it via owing him one from childhood. Said flashback is also great with Filburt being genuinely sweet to his new friend, explaning how he and rocko are so close, the puppy jar, and of course the return of my one and only son

yes, yes you are. I wish he'd shown up more. He is the best of us. It's a good Filbert plot though: he's nervous, out of his depth and sweaty, exactly his wheelhouse with Rocko bein ga good enouraging friend even once he gets out the electrodes.

The real star htough is Hutch who I think makes her debut here. Her origin story is a great one too: Murray was attending a press confrence and was asked why the show had no female role models. Murray naturally for him responded with "people dont' see cartoon characters as role models " and TV shouldn't be used to teach lessons. Which was true for the show and it's goals.. but naturally set the execs into panic mode, askign for Rocko's narcoleptic sister to be added to fill this now needed gap, which he refused. Thankfully for the world and for tv an exec did end up accidently giving him a good idea. She cynically asked for a female character "with a hook". Naturally Joe took this as literally as possible because if you hadn't noticed he's kind of a sarcastic ass and I love it.

What's remarkable.. is he ended up giving them EXACTLY what they wanted through this joke of a response. The writers fell in love with Hutch and thus she became a strong career woman with 80 jobs and degrees, but who was also cheerful and entirley loopy, and could be both without any real contridction. Her weirdness was used fo rjokes, from her unique neck snap, to her hook, but her disability was just as much part of her as it was a fun visual joke. She was someone kids could look up to, someone who was a doctor but still theirselves at the same time while not sacrifcing competence to do so. Honestly out of the cast Hutch seems to be the most together person, without every sacrifcing her having fun to do so. She's not barely scraping by like rocko, reliant off tin cans like her future husband, mooching off whoevers around like heff, or in a miserable dead end job like Mr Bighead. She's just happy and in a career she loves. And that's what we all want right? to be our weird selves and still get to do what we love?

She also gets great character stuff: sh'es clearly into filbert, but refuses to go out with him till the crisis is past and shames him into actually getting back to fixing the mistake he made.. in this case a giant tooth abuducting his best friend, gladly asks him out once it's over, and rejects him from denstitry because well.. giant tooth monster. There's never a moment she's not great.

Rocko also gets one or two great btis: being forced into a "and now kiss' situation with hutch, and when filburt has a shot to save them "He's my best friend but he can't throw. I'd say we're done for". Just the casual way he says it. These eps reminded me that rocko himself is really underated as while he's often the straight man, and a very good one, he can be just as funny himself at times.

Filburt also gets to shine a little: his using a childhood promise, electrodes (which hutch seems to be INNN to) and his phallic chimney sweep dreams at the end all work. Overall this isn't a really deep or character based episode.. but it is relaly fucking hilarious and it'll always have that

The Big Question… is my faviorite episode of the show. It's the one I go back to the most, and has some of my all time faviorite gags which kev kindly screencapped for me. While I do most of mine I can't acess paramount+ on my pc, so he gladly made them for me.

The Big Question also took an uphill battle to get made: not the biggest i've seen in animation, i've seen way bigger fights.. but it was still one. See some execs simply prefer a looser status quo for shows: continuity is fine to a point, btu they want them playable in any order. Obviously they've relaxed ont his a bit as more recent comedies for kids like say craig of the creek, harvey beaks or big city greens still have a pretty rich continuity and ocasionally story arcs. Their just still episodic. It's still just a bit as while seralized shows exist, execs seem antsy about them, see it being the excuse for the owl house's cancelation.

So naturally when the writers pitched Filburt and Hutch, who had been together about a season, marying, they had to FIGHT to get them to agree with it. Me I don't see what the big deal is as it's a very slight change. They live together now probably… and? It dosen't really effect what kinds of stories they can tell an dat most a kid will go "Wait they got married?!" if it get sbrought up..t hen want to see what they missed. I can say this as a kid who often missed big plot point episodes, especially with avatar and badly wanted to know what i'd missed..or simply wasn't aware I missed anything till much later. It seems weird to get upset over when it dosen't hurt the show and the show HAD continuity once or twice before, with Rachel Bighead getting a sequel episode. It's also maddening to think this hatred of episodes having gasp continuity and arcs has NOT gone away. Kids.. like this stuff. I latched onto KND and Danny PHantom in part due to their ongoing soap operas. Amont my niece and nephews, my older nephews love anime, my younger nephew binged avatar all by himself and trollhunters too and my niece has binged gravity falls multiple time. Kids, at least a lot of them, love arc based story telling and plots. They love the fact these thigns pay off.. because most people do. It's how narrative storytelling often works. So seeing these two get married isn't some big GASP THEY'LL BE CONFUSED MOMENT but both a big awe and a desire to see how it happened. HOw it happened is also fun as filbert is neurotic about it!

We also get a nice contrast in their support from Rocko and Heifer: Heifer being.. Heifer… is both genuinely supportive and that one friend you wanted to shove out of a moving vehicle often. He'll troll filburt during a practice session one minute, and help him break into Hutch's old high school in matching stealth outfits the next. It shows while the two's main purpose as friends is to fight, see one of the very episodes today as an example, and have poor rocko serve as referee or just roll his eyes, Heifer DOES care about hima nd want to help

Rocko however shwos some of his best here: he's genuinely supportive.. but also fed up with Filburt's nonseense, constantlly encourging him to

And needling Filburt's attempts to keep putting off his proposal due to nerves. He's harsh sure.. but Filburt needs that. As someone with anxiety I relate to being trapped in your own insecurity and self doubt, so I get Filburt NEEDING that push to do what he truly wants to do but is sipmly too nauseous to pull off. It's a geninely sweet dynamic and i'ts also nice to see Rocko who the universe commonly bats around like a cat with a fairly intresting toy, be the assertive once for once and actually help drive the plot. It also works well as you never get the sense Filburt dosen't want to marry hutch just that his own self loathing and neurosis are an obstacle , one he does almost overcome to propose.. but she beats him to it, which I also like as it fits Paula's positve go getter personality and proves WHY the two, despite being polar oppisites works: he likely grounds her enthusasim while still being genuinely sweet and supportive, and she helps give him the confidence he lacks and genuinely supports him with not a speck of condecsenmsion. She's probably the only person in the series who both won't take Filburt's bullshit.. but also belivies in him. Even Rocko dosen't on most days, and he's our own marsupial jesus. The plot also works well for both it's emotinal core.. and jokes. Paula is hanging around with her good buddy Tiger, and being a traditionally handsome cat man, seriously his arms my god, it nicely sends Hutch spinning> We the audience can probably guess that their just friends because Paula Hutchison isn't a cheater and can you know.. have healthy inter gender friendships. But he's not relaly the obstacle here: the guys just THINK he's one. Filburt is his own worst enemy, he kicks the living shit out of .. he.

That said we do get a nice supporting antagon ist who really dosen't stop our heroes for long but eats all the screentime she has, with Kevin Meany doing an awesome job: The Wido Hutchison. Mrs. Hutchison.. is a racist asshole, beliving turtle on cat marriage is bad and wanting to stop it. She's more scary than funny especially since pricks like this exist in real life. What makes her funny is the contrast of her dead serious if hammy demeanor, with the wackier rest of the cast. My faviorite moments of the episode all come from the gang reacting to her.. and to her LIFTING ROCKO'S CAR AND THROWING IT. Observe

The last one is one I quote a lot and i'll likely get a LOT of use out of that image. The fact Rocko thinks that means anything is adorable. The episode, while defined more by filburt's journey and the heartwarming ending, really does have a lot of good jokes: Rocko's only disguise bein ga hat, the guys using a BOMB as part of the plan, and Tiger just casually holding rocko during the ending. A ship the series should have explored frankly, but eh it was the 90's and all. The ending swerve of hutch proposing and having gotten tiger's help is sweet, as is the fact Filburt still gives her the engagment hook he was going to propose with and the two telling each other "i love you" is so freaking sweet for a show so deranged. Speaking of which

This one was a two parter and a dang good one, though each episdoe feels like a complete short in it's own right. The Big Answer is heavier on the jokes, but keeps the nice character introspectiion and gives Hutch some needed autonomy. She's firm she's into filburt and why she likes him, and backs it up with a defiant kay.. and it also deals with the thorny subject that her mom just.. isn't "kay" with it. That no matter how hard she tries her mom is activelya gainst this and only helping because she loves her daughter, but can't love her enough to stop being a racist bitter ass. Her reasons for being so bitter are given context here, as we find out her father was a turtle, something she knew but never thought the rest of the cast needed to know, and just kinda.. left. Like Hutch speaks to him familiarly enough she clearly still sees him, he just left her and she's understandably pissed, even if her racisim is less so.

We also get our requisite wild bachelor party, complete with characters we don't know which leads to a great gag of "who are those guys"

And our heroes hyjacking an icecream plane and of course Filburt's classic cry of "and my frien'ds australian". The sugar bender is fantastic, flawless, no notes.

Where it leads is also great; Rocko trying to prevent a modern race war is suprisingly darkly funny, with the incidting incdient being filburts unsettling aunt who splashes water on the cats.. and while it's a very Jerkass Heifer moment, the weird swerve of him just.. being on the cats side works both for the sheer out of nowhere ness. and because if you think about it the cow raised by wolves who fights with filburt on a dime taking the predators side in this actually makes complete sense. The ending double punch of them already being married and the hilarity of hutch's dad, "CHARGE MAGNOLIA CHARGE!", really sells th eep. The previous one is better, but this one's still pretty sweet

From Here to Maternity is from the final season and sees the two have kids. And it's an episode that's very much front and backloaded. The middle is just Filburt being an overly masculine jerkass who assume she'll have a cisgender son and who bullies hef for daring to think ti's a girl despite hef you know, sitting on his eggs for him to keep them warm, something Filburt physcially can't do. It just gets exausting after a while and only Rocko's weak "I'm in jail joke" and getting stuck there hwen they move on really works.

The front and back thougH? Fucking fantastic. The opening with our heroes racing the stork is just comedy gold, from Filburt's mania, to him FLIPING AND REVERSING the car to drive it after him, to the stork for no reason deciding not to let filburt just.. beat him and instead taking his glasses to make sure he looses.

But Filburt missing his wife giving birth still works as he was such a dick to the stork to outrun him, you don't feel too bad and the babies hadn't hatched anyway. The gag about hutch having to go right into surgery is both so her and so funny.

The last act though.. is delightfuly batshit. The reveal the lamaze class is a secret front for easter bunnies is delightfully out of left field but still fits the world, Rocko simply having to put his ears up higher to sneak in is an all time great gag, and our heroes landing in jail is great. The ending is also shockingly funny: while the babies hatching is sweet, we get some great gags to quickly take it form sweet to comedy gold: Filburt asserting he's unconcious from the shock with Hutch having none of it and directly standing on him to make her point, and the Heifer resembling baby following rocko around instead, even past the credits is both adorable and makes way more sense than it has any right to. I don't have a ton to say about from here to materinity but the top and bottom are so strong even a week middle can't stop this one from being enjoyable.

So that was Hutch and Filbert and honestly? I had less to say thann I thought. The two are cute , functional and really support one another. There's not much depth.. but that's because the point of these episodes is mostly jokes. There's some introspection, btu the relationship itself is really just two people who ballance one another being sweet. For a 90's sitcom, you can't ask too much more, and what we get is fantastic. Check these episodes out on paramount plus and we'll be seeing mor eof rocko's modern life in the future.

[potatoes83]

Slice of life...

Waffles is not eating full meals. He is eating maybe one out of every three. It comes and goes, but I mean, when a pug doesn't eat, is completely disinterested in food, that's not good. He has had hideous diarrhea on the kitchen floor now twice, and after the last time, he was hungry again. I think (hope) he's just working through something rumbly in his tumbly, but I still feel really bad for little man. It's been several days now. The general signs of health are eating, drinking, peeing, pooping, when you stop doing one of those things, it's cause for concern.

I've had to fire people before. I've been cried at, yelled at, threatened, any combination of the above, but it never gets easier. Especially when you have empathy for your employees. And the best thing for you would be to talk about it, to get it off your chest. But that's the last thing on this Earth that you can do, even to a bunch of strangers on tumblr. But at least I get to look forward to my office staff treating me like I'm the devil for the foreseeable future. That'll be fun.

My wedding ring is somewhere in or on the beaches of Lake Superior at little girl's point. Lost it while I was up there, it flew off my hand while I was swimming in about 6 feet of water, and try as I might I couldn't find it. Went back the next two days in a row with a metal detector hoping it would have washed up on the beach in the storm. So if anyone happens to find a fairly large beveled tungsten wedding band at little girl's point, do feel free to message me.

Before I went up north, I called the girl who cuts my hair, she's a friend from high school. Was hoping to schedule in a haircut before my trip. Her husband answered the phone, that's rather unusual. He realized that I hadn't heard, and told me that they were on their way home from the hospital, because she had just had a massive brain tumor removed. I saw her a month ago, she sure the hell didn't know anything about a brain tumor then, so I wonder what's happened. And I desperately hope she's okay. I owe her a call, I've been giving them time to relax and recover.

Can't remember if I mentioned where we're at my mom's cancer saga. She's recovering from the surgery, the blood test came back negative for microscopic cancer, no cancer in her blood, she's effectively beat stage 4 colon cancer. That's a good thing. And we like the good things.

You take the good with the bad, it's part of life, more so the older you get. Part of being an adult, you have to deal with your own problems, cuz no one else is going to do it for you. But there are those times that things just seem really overwhelming, really piled on. It's in those times that we really need to pray. To look to our faith, to understand that there is a greater plan and purpose, and that's something that a lot of us, myself included, just aren't very good at. As they say, this too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass. 🥔