#i new to stop thinking about this episode only then will i find peace

[maidragoste]

can we get some headcanons for mister daeron, since he finally was mention on the last episode ✊🏻

Hi anon, thank you very much for your request! I really wanted to write to Daeron 🤭

btw, there is a headcanon that has smut but it is not very detailed, I still warn you that it is number 4 in case you want to skip it 👀

I really hope you enjoy what I wrote 💖 and if you ever come back to my inbox if you want you can choose an emoji so I can identify you ☺️

Now I wish you a good read!

•Daeron who is not interested in marriage but does his duty and marries you because he knows that having an alliance with your house is important to the greens.

•Daeron, despite not being enthusiastic about a hasty wedding with war looming, is enthralled when he sees you in your wedding dress.

•Daeron who recites his wedding vows while looking into your eyes and intends to be a better husband than Viserys was to his mother even if the two of you are only together for a short time.

•Daeron who on your wedding night is patient and sweet with you. He takes his time so that your first time isn't so painful. First, he distracts you by kissing you over and over again. Then he surprises you not by fucking you directly but by pleasuring you with his mouth, making you cum again and again with his tongue until you forget about your nerves. And when the time comes for him to go inside you, he intertwines his hand with yours. He waits for you to assure him that you're fine before he starts moving and it doesn't take long for the room to fill with your moans again as you feel his cock find your sweet spot.

•Daeron who you manage to impress when you meet Tessarion for the first time and don't show even the slightest bit of fear.

•Daeron having to stop himself from kissing you during their first fight because he's touched that you want to accompany him during the war instead of going back to your house.

“I can be useful. I am sure that the maester will value my help when he cannot afford so many wounded. I also know how to sew and...

“It's not about whether you're useful or not. It's about the fact that it's dangerous and I don't want you to end up hurt," he interrupted you with obvious frustration because you continued to insist on the topic of accompanying him during his war camp.

“I am your wife and my place is at your side!” you say stubbornly.

“And my duty as your husband is to protect you, not put you in danger!”

•In the end you end up joining the camp but it was not because Daeron wanted to but because the news of Jaehaerys' murder arrives and his uncle Ormund and your father think that Daeron and you need to have a child as soon as possible in case Aegon loses his other heir.

•That same night Daeron lets you see him vulnerable while he crying the death of his nephew hugging your hip. You accompany him in his grief and try to comfort him as best as possible while you hug him.

•Daeron was always protective of his family and now that you are part of it he will not allow anyone to disrespect you. A lord once mocked you for voicing your opinion during the war council and you and Ormund had to intervene so that Daeron doesn't end up doing the lord major harm.

•Daeron only relaxes once the two of you are alone in his tent. He lets you take off his armor and feels a moment of peace as you massage his shoulders and kiss his back.

•Daeron who prays that the war ends soon so that he can reunite with his family soon and above all because he wants to have a quiet life with you. Every night he asks the gods to protect you and not let anything bad happen to you.

•Daeron who, before going to fight, asks you to give him your favor and the two say goodbye with a kiss, earning mockery from Lyonel.

•Daeron who returns victorious from his first battle and feels his heart race as he watches you run towards him with a smile and he smiles when you scream in surprise when he lifts you into the air before kissing you fiercely, forgetting about the exhibitions and allowing himself to feel hopeful for the future.

Taglist: @stillalive-notdead @jasminecosmic99 @cloveradora @ghostingdaily @stareatch @accidentpronedork @universemagicreading

@cosmitton @momoko-world @descon0cidacl @fadingbatmuffindonkey @bryandechartisasmolbean

@arainbowteddybear @your-favorite-god @vicelis

@muramiko @strawberrrymomo @r4ndomgirlblog

@bringfhghghhggg @fifilynn16 @annie-panda

@mega-girl-xoxo @rovakiap @edenvvsblog @ryuuisthecutest @hebeth

hotd masterlist

[silken-moonlight]

Older Alpha and Human waitress/ Part 4

A/N: Hello again! I am back with part 4 of this series. I have a lot of fun with developing the plot and characters. I am hoping I am not overdoing it in any way shape of form. Also we have now the Moodboard and the Introduction. Also here you'll find part 3 if you are interested. I love you guys so much -Swan/Moon

Desmonds POV

The next day was similar to the days before. He went to the meetings in the morning and noon, speaking with the other alphas about the pack territory. The problem had been that there was a new pack forming and they had demanded space or else they would have taken themselves said space. This of course could not have been permitted, since that would have ended in a massacre. The human government would have not been amused to cover up a slaughter between two packs and so they had to find a way without blood. While Desmond knew better, some days he wished they would just fight it out. Atlest then there wouldn’t have been so many meetings and fights in the meeting room. His thoughts were captivated by something else anyway…He was worried for his mate, she had looked so distressed. The longing to just take her away from all her worries had never been as strong as in that moment.

The alpha tried to cheer himself up, he would see her again today. Maybe would even make her smile when he brought her the books she had left behind. Of course was he aware that it might have looked a little weird…he just could not help himself. The urge to spoil and pamper his little mate was overwhelming. In his mind he had already planned their first trip to his cabin. He would take her there before they would officially return to the pack village. Thinking about all the things they could do…while Desmond really tried to keep his thoughts pure…it was not as easy. His inner wolf whined and scratched against the walls of his mind. The primal needs he felt were strong, he craved to touch his mates soft skin. To kiss her plump lips, to make her feel safe in his arms. To undress her slowly before- Desmond stopped his thoughts right there. He really didn’t want to get a boner in the middle of a political discussion.

A few hours later, the meetings and work was done for the day. Desmond would do the paperwork later, he had gotten an email from Isaac with some documents he needed him to look at. Desmond’s Pack had a few companies under their name or were part of them, while most things were equally shared, two of the companies were under his name. There also were many contracts he had to look at, work with or renew. 60% of the money earned ran into the Pack fund, all pack members that were working full time also gave away 10% of their salary to the pack fund. With that money were paid a lot of things like the maintenance of the packhouses, insurance costs, school and kindergarten places, student loans, cars that were free to use amongst the Pack…the list went on and on. Desmond himself had brought this concept to the pack after seeing it being absolutely successful in another pack. Since he did that, his pack had not only grown a lot but also was one of the most peaceful. That comes along with being an actual community. Desmond had learned the importance of acceptance, beginning to help werewolves who had not such a good start in their life or a rough time…The Alpha wondered what his mate would think of all of that. With how sweet she seemed, he was sure she would adore his work.

With his mind occupied by that thought, he walked into the restaurant. He sat down in his usual booth…but his beloved was not there. Desmond ordered by her colleague, waiting for her to arrive. But she did not come. His heart sunk…where was she?

Your POV

It had been your day off when your father had a bad episode of pain. His back and hip were hurting so much that he couldn’t get up from his bed. Of course you took two days off and stayed with him day and night. You had called his doctor who had taken the time to do a home visit. He had given your father some medications that eased his pain for a short time. Today was the first day that he felt better. Right now he sat in the garden, Pumpkin and Spice laying at his feet, enjoying the sun. Your mum and you were baking blueberry muffins, the kitchen smelled deliciously like the home baked goods. Tonight you would work again, but would always be available for your parents to call.

Initially you had wanted to become a nurse, but the condition of your parents has kept you occupied. You were unable to stay away from home too long, so you found a job that only would be in the afternoon and evening. That's how you ended up in the Sailor Boy, utterly grateful for your job and understanding boss. It may not have been what you wanted at first, but you were more than grateful to have something. Your mum and you put the muffins in the oven, setting the timer and sitting down. Your phone beeped and you looked at it.

William: Hey love, I am in town again, how you doing?

Y/N: Will, haven’t heard from you in forever! I’m doing fine.

William: Nice to hear that, yeah, I was on a big hike with Jeannie. Want to meet up and catch up?

Y/N: Sure, but I am only free in the mornings and noon, you okay with that?

William: Absolutely, how about tomorrow? In our Café?

Y/N: Sounds like a plan, how about 9 am and eat breakfast together.

William: Deal, see you there.

You were quite excited to see Will again. He was one, actually the only, friend you had left. Most of your friends had stopped texting you when your parents' conditions worsened. Since you refused to go out and party, which wasn’t your thing anyways, they stopped making the effort. You tried to do other things with them like going shopping together, movie nights or hikes together. That wasn’t really what most of your friends wanted. So they and you started to text less and less until you lost contact. The two friends you still had were William and Amanda. Amanda began to use you as her personal therapist, trying everything to get your attention. Manipulating you to be available to her at all times. Will told you she was bad news, you didn't listen. The brutal fallout came eventually. Both of you were left hurt.

So that only left Will. Will had no one but his girlfriend Jeannie and you, he had gone no contact with his family as soon as he moved out. For a short time he had lived with you and your family, when his flat had caught fire and he was left homeless. Will didn’t want to be a bother, but you refused to let him sleep in a dingy hotel. That was two years ago. Will had also been the one to tell you about Werewolves and other magical creatures. You didn’t believe him, that was until he had transformed into a Werewolf in front of you. You had been…a little out of it afterwards. However when he explained everything and you swore secrecy, everything went on as usual. Honestly the knowledge of magical creatures didn’t affect your daily life in the slightest. Shortly after the housefire William met his wonderful girlfriend Jeannie, she was a travel and hiking blogger. The two of them hiked and traveled the world together, often sponsored by some big company. William took the pictures and videos while Jeannie was the model. Jeannie was a lovely person, kind and so confident. You two got along so well that Will often joked if he was even needed when you all met up.

The next hours passed quickly, you thinking about tomorrow, the muffins being ready and eating a late lunch with your parents. You got ready for your work and took the bus into the city.

Half an hour later you arrived at your workplace, quickly going up into the staffrom an changing into your work clothes. After that you went down, doing your usual routine. Not even forty minutes had passed when a certain somebody entered the restaurant. Desmond, you remembered his name, was dressed in a black suit, his hair in a bun and his beard must have been freshly cut and formed. You bet that he smelled like the most expensive perfume.

You smiled at him kindly: “Hi there, how are you doing?” You asked him. Why did he look so relieved? You were missing something, you just didn’t know what. “I am good, wonderful actually.” He stepped with you on the side and a worried look was on his handsome face, his gray eyes were filled with compassion. “Is everything okay? You looked distressed the other day.” He asked, his voice was soft. Actually worried. Your bottom lip trembled, a sudden wave of sadness and exhaustion washing over you. If you thought too hard about it, you would cry. However, you caught yourself. Faking a smile you tried to ease his worry: “Yeah everything is alright, don’t worry.” You looked up at him, he was far taller than you. “May I ask what happened?” You nodded slowly: “Well my parents are chronically ill. My father had a bad episode of pain and needed me.”

The handsome man, Desmond, looked at you again with such compassion. “I know I might overstep, but you left the books behind and I took the freedom to buy them for you.” He placed a black paper bag in your hand. Your eyes went wide and you looked up at him absolutely surprised. “I cannot accept these.” You quickly said. Desmond chuckled:” I insist.” You felt guilty, you must have looked so distressed that he wanted to help you. “Let me pay you back.” You tell him, wanting to get your money. “If you pay me back I will give it as your tip.” Desmond said with a grin. “Has anyone told you before that you are stubborn?” You said with a smile. Desmond chuckled: “Actually yes. And please accept the books. I am so grateful for our conversations. After a day at the office I always look forward to it.” You grinned and answered: “Here I was thinking you’re always returning for our town's famous cocktails.” Both of you laughed at that.

“Thank you, really.” You then said a little more serious again. You blushed slightly, but then quickly remembered what you had told yourself before: He was just kind, not interested in you. You reminded yourself that he was older, a businessman and very surely not interested in a waitress from a medium sized town.

[billwidoll]

𝐀 𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

Summary: After Rafe returns from World War II, he falls in love with his wife's sister.

Warnings: Psychological problems, war trauma, unwanted pregnancy and betrayal.

Author's notes: this story contains references to several dramatic romantic films and also features Lana del Rey's aesthetics

READ THE FULL STORY! THIS IS A REALLY GOOD STORY! (Leave your opinions in the comments)

❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦❦

The war was an episode in Rafe's life that he doesn't want anyone to go through. He went to war to fight for his country and came back from the war with victory, but Rafe had to sacrifice Your psychology and your solidarity. Everyone in America was shouting glory and happiness, but the soldiers were shouting pain and suffering. And to make matters worse, Rafe didn't find his parents, He looked for them but did not find them. Rafe was lost. But he still had a salvation. Before leaving for war, Rafe left a girlfriend, who lived in the interior of the United States, He only had that option and so he went in search of his girlfriend's family.

Before Rafe left for the interior of the United States, he sent a letter to his girlfriend, explaining his situation and also asking for permission from his parents to live with her. Rafe's girlfriend immediately sent another letter saying that he could go, and that her parents were waiting for him.

When Rafe read that letter, his heart eased. He just wanted to get away from New York as quickly as possible, that city was really crazy, and he also had a house now, And he wouldn't need to live under the bridge.

After a few days, Rafe bought his train ticket to go in search of his girlfriend's house. It was three hours on the train, until the driver informed him that they were already there new hampshire. When Rafe hears this, he is on alert to let go on the train at any moment, but when he looks out the train window he sees a young woman, playing with butterflies.

When Rafe saw her, he was immediately enchanted by her beauty. He leaned towards the window to get a better look at the young woman, but the train was fast so it was only a few seconds before he could see her Candle.

That girl's face stayed in Rafe's head, until he boarded the train, that look and her smile left Rafe infinitely enchanted. Rafe stopped thinking about it, he had a girlfriend and that was too clear. Rafe got a ride on a cart, and asked to take him to the address on the paper.

Arriving there, Rafe came across a relatively average house, the environment had flowers, butterflies, trees, it was a very magical place and that was what Rafe needed, something that reminded him of Peace.

Rafe approaches the house and knocks on the door. Until he sees his girlfriend euphorically open

"Oh my! Rafe!!" Rafe's girlfriend screams and jumps on his neck, kissing him and hugging him.

Rafe let out a small laugh, it had been ages since anyone had done that to him.

"Hey! I miss you too Amelia" Rafe says hugging her and kissing her neck.

"let's go! Come in, my mother prepared dinner for you" Amália says pulling Rafe into the house.

When Rafe enters, he smells a familiar smell, he smells food and love and peace in that house, he didn't know what that was, after the second world war. Rafe also came across Amélia's mother smiling at him and Amélia's father was next to her mother.

"Well... you must be Rafe, right? Welcome my son" Rafe's mother says hugging Rafe and kissing him on the cheek.

Rafe was enjoying being treated like that, but It was six years, being treated like rubbish, in the Second World War, so his communication life was bizarre.

"I really appreciate everything you're all doing for me" Rafe says looking down and thanking Amélia's family.

"Well... we have to thank you, for having contributed to the victory of the United States in the war" Amélia's father says, placing his hand on Rafe's shoulder.

And just Rafe thinking about the second world war, the old woman vomiting in his stomach.

"Amélia? Where's your sister? Isn't she back from the woods yet?" Amélia's mother speaks, asking, speaking.

"Hey mom, I don't know! She was near the train station" Amélia says hugging Rafe and petting him.

"I'll send your brother to look for her, the whole family will have dinner here" Amelia's mother demands

A little time passed and Rafe was in his room organizing some of his things. And his head hurt so much, his hands were shaking and his heart was always racing. Rafe was having psychological problems Due to the war, this was a fact.

Well... leaving the room, Rafe went straight to the dining table, eating the food that his mother-in-law made. And when Rafe arrived he came across a girl he had seen when he was on the train. and as incredible as it may seem, Rafe's heart calms down when he looks into her eyes, the anxiety is gone. She was like an angel

"Hey Rafey, I want to introduce you to my little sister! This one is Celeste" Amélia says pushing Rafe closer to Celeste, so they can say hello

"It's a pleasure...to meet you..." Rafe speaks, completely mesmerized by Celeste

"and it's a pleasure to meet you too... Rafe" Celeste says with a huge smile and that smile was the most beautiful smile Rafe has ever seen.

Six months later:

It was already June and summer, and Rafe's girlfriend's entire family were having lunch in the garden of their house. Rafe was already used to the simple and cute life. And your psychological problems improve a lot After he met Celeste. Celeste was like Rafe's best friend, the two were always together, playing and laughing. Rafe always admired her so much that he wanted Celeste to be his girlfriend.

After lunch in the garden, Rafe went in search of Celeste as the girl was always in the woods, and rarely had dinner with her family.

Going there, Rafe managed to find her, Celeste was lying on grass covered in pink petals, and she looked beautiful, so beautiful. The sun reflected off her as if she were a diamond, and her skin It looked so soft and delicate at that moment, Rafe wanted to stay there for hours, but unfortunately or fortunately. Celeste ended up seeing him, and waved calling him.

"hello big man!" Celeste says smiling to Rafe and Rafe loved that smile so much

"Hey Cele, what are you doing here alone?" Rafe speaks in a worried tone, he knew there were several bad men, wanting to harm Celeste

"I was waiting for you! I knew you would look for me like a hunter" Celeste says acting 'strange'

"Okay...and how did you know I was going to look for you?" Rafe asks, looking confused, and Celeste gets closer to his face.

"because you love me, and I love you"

TO BE CONTINUED?

[xmalereader]

Viktor Targaryen x Male Reader

☆ — MASTERLIST — ☆

SUMMARY: An AU regarding The house of dragons and arcane, Viktor is the second born child of King Targaryen and king to be, but Viktor doesn’t want the iron throne, nor does he want to stay in Dragonstone.

WARNINGS/CONTENT: Fluff, family history, no incest, sibling bonding, slight sexism and misogyny, Viktor is a good brother, OC dragon name, high valyrian, Viktors mother, mentions of Jayce, Piltover is a growing kingdom, short interaction with reader, non accurate GOT and HOTD lore.

WC: 2.0K

NOTES: I don’t know SHIT about game of throne or house of dragons 😅 but based on the little research I did and very few random episodes hopefully I am able to make this story make sense. It won’t really fit within the GOT universe so don’t judge me for the changes I will be making! But I just had to write this because Viktor just reminded me of the Targaryens due to the white hair when he was inside the arcane.

Viktor Targaryen was the second born child of King Targaryen, brother to Rhaenyra Targaryen. Only difference about him was that both siblings had a different mother, same father. Viktors mother was a commoner, a low life, as one would say and yet, she found a way to capture the kings heart. Rheanyra wasn’t too happy about her fathers marriage thinking that the women was only seducing her father in order to get her way only to realize that she was a very kind hearted women who wanted nothing to do with the Iron Throne.

When she fell pregnant with Rheanyra’s new baby brother she at first didn’t like the idea of having a brother, knowing that he would be the one to take over the throne and not her. Just as her father had promised her she knew that the promise would be broken the minute her brother would be born, being granted approval as the new future king.

Only Viktor never wanted the crown.

When Viktor got older he would remember hearing the murmurs of the council discussing on who would take over the throne after his father passes. Many in the council wanted Viktor to take over, but even he knew he wouldn’t be a proper king. His sister was perfect for the throne, he’s seen the way people bend to the knee for her, even their dragons bowed to her. She was the rightful heir, not him.

The first time the council called for him to take the throne he refused. It didn’t matter if he was the first born son, the crown wasn’t his and he wouldn’t take it away from someone who it did belong to. Things didn’t get better for Viktor, his father continued to grow ill and his own mother passed from the grey mist, air that poisoned her lungs until she could no longer breath anymore.

The council continued to push him to accept the crown and each time he rejected it.

Rhaenyra had noticed her brothers anger and was the one to approach him about it. Finding him out on the terrace where he overlooked their people, a frown on his face as the moonlight shined down upon them.

“You’re angry.”

He’s quiet when hearing her words.

Rhaenyra lets out a deep sigh through her nose. The two already knew where this was going, no matter how hard she tried the throne would never be given to her all because she was a women. A women that couldn’t lead a kingdom to peace, but Viktor knows that she can. He’s seen it in her.

“The council wants me to claim the iron throne. No matter how many times I refuse they will never stop.” Viktor finally says and looks over his shoulder to find his sister, looking at him with an upset expression of her own.

“They won’t stop until you sit on that throne.”

“I know that.”

Viktor never liked the idea of being a ruler. Yes, he wanted to help humanity without being needed anything in return. If he could do that he would, but the council would refuse him and expect him to follow along the traditions, keeping everything in balance for future generations.

His own father only spoke to the people whenever they entered their castle for help, he was never out in the streets and facing the reality of their suffering. Viktor had seen it, he had seen the terrible conditions his people lived in and no matter how much he wanted to help them he wouldn’t be able to without claiming the throne which would restrict him from doing things his own way.

Which is why he believes his own sister could be a better ruler then him. She would follow the traditions while also finding a way to help their people in her own ways.

“You should be on that throne, not me.” Viktor suddenly says, catching Rhaenyra by surprise as she approached him, standing by his side. His eyes locking with hers. “You’re the rightful heir to the iron throne, they may not see it but I do.” He’s heard the councils murmurs and distaste about the idea of her being the one to take over when both he and his father knew that she was the rightful one.

“You know they won’t allow it.”

“You’re right, they won’t.” He gentle takes her hand into his gloved one. “If I’m not here.” He sees the look of disbelief in his sisters eyes, he has thought about this for a very long time. The only way he’d be free from the crown is if he left, disappeared from this place that he once called home.

“You can’t leave, you’re my brother.”

“A brother who is holding their sister back from claiming what is rightfully theirs.”

Both siblings have grown close throughout the years that there were times where they were inseparable always attached to the hip and helping each other out. He was there when his sister first bared a child, the fear in her eyes when she refused help from the maids, afraid of facing a similar outcome as her mother. He was always there for her just as she was for him the day he lost his mother, watching as they tossed her coffin into the sea where the ocean waters claimed her as theirs.

But now, Viktor has to be the one to make the hard choices.

Rhaenyra is at lose for words, unable to say anything. She can see it in her brothers eyes that there is no way in convincing him to stay. So, she gives him a silent goodbye. Her forehead is pressed against his the two taking in their final moment together before Viktor pulls away first, giving her a sad smile.

“ēva īlon rhaenagon arlī.”

And with that final goodbye he leaves his sister.

Escaping into the dead of night he mounts his dragon, Xanthus, and takes off. Disappearing from his family line and being known as the ‘The Lost Child’.

Viktor had no idea where he was even going, he had no plan nor did he know anyone that he can ask for assistance. He couldn’t stay where his name was known nor could he be close to his own home.

So, Xanthus flew them out far.

Far from home and across the sea to a whole new world that Viktor didn’t know existed. Viktor didn’t think that he’d find a place meant for him until he stumbled upon an island called Piltover. It was rather small, but decent. The people there lived comfortably, but of course they had a council of their own and when Viktor first made an appearance with his dragon the place grew in panic, bells ringing in alert from his presence and causing the whole town to go into lockdown.

When Xanthus lands near the bridge that connected two different towns he was greeted with soldier wielding their weapons at him. The threat wasn’t taken lightly by Xanthus the large golden dragon ready to strike them down with a simple command that comes from his rider only it never came.

It wasn’t until a short man makes his way through the crowd of soldiers, hands behind his back as he stares up at Viktor and Xanthus. The man had a brightness in his eyes that somewhat eased Viktor.

“Magnificent beast.” The man didn’t seem scared of Xanthus which caught Viktor by surprise. Everyone back at home worshipped their dragons like gods, knowing how dangerous and powerful they can be and how impossible it was to kill a dragon.

The large beast releases a hiss towards the man. “Gīda.” He placed a hand on the dragons neck, providing soothing rubs as he calms the dragon down from doing anything harsh.

“Magnificent.” He hears the man repeat in awe which has Viktor chuckling, letting go of the reigns and sliding off his dragon who stood by him in a protective way, ready to attack in case anything were to happen to him. “Do you say that a lot?” Viktor asks with an arched brow which has the man chuckling a smile on his face.

“Only when I see something very interesting.”

Viktor can only smile at the mans cheerfulness finding it quiet odd since he’s never been around someone like him before. That was the first time he met Heimerdinger, head of the council of Piltover. When Viktor first met the council he was surprised by how many women were involved, something he’s never seen back at Dragonstone. They held their heads up high and spoke with confidence, intimidation radiating off of them when asking him where he came from and why he was here.

At first he didn’t know if providing his family name was a good idea, afraid of them alerting his family, but when they heard the name ‘Targaryen’ it was unknown to them. A sense of relief washed over Viktor and for the first time ever he felt free from the bonds that his family name carried.

Viktor was lucky enough to stay, getting the councils approval as long as he maintained his dragon from causing them any trouble. Which then resulted into Viktor finding them a home for themselves. Xanthus hated cramped spaces and never stayed underground like he did back at Dragonstone he always remained above ground where he knew he could easily defend himself without feeling trapped like his brothers and sisters did.

The time he spent in Piltover resulted into him learning about their history and becoming Heimerdingers pupil, learning from the shorter man and providing his own assistance. He’s seen what Piltover is doing to advance into their future, providing their people easier ways to travel and transport goods which Viktor helped with.

Viktor doesn’t know how long he spent living in Piltover that with time he befriend a man named Jayce who wanted to do so much for the future. Not only had he met Jayce, but he had also met a young man who worked alongside the council. He was the assistant to Council women Merdarda he had seen him around but never really spoke to him until he caught him once with Xanthus.

He usually checked up on his dragon, caring for him ever since he was a hatchling and tightening their bond everyday only to be surprised when Xanthus allows another human to approach him so easily. Most dragons wouldn’t listen to anyone unless its a Targaryen member and to see this with his own eyes made him rethink his families history.

“He likes you.”

The man gasps when hearing Viktor, pulling his hand away from the dragons scaly neck. Xanthus lets out a small rumble in the back of his throat, shifting to lie his head on the grass below him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to—“

Viktor shakes his head. “It’s alright, he usually doesn’t allow anyone to approach him unless its me. It caught me by surprise that he allowed anyone else besides me to touch him.” His own gloved hand trails down the dragons neck, stepping closer to the man who swallows nervously.

“I was curious.”

“Your curiosity can get you hurt,” His eyes trail from Xanthus to the assistant. “Or killed.”

“I have a strange habit of approaching dangerous things without thinking twice.” His words causes Viktor to chuckle, blue eyes locking with the mans, his hand not leaving Xanthus neck it always brought him a sense of comfort.

“You’re Merdard’s assistant?”

The man gives a cocky grin. “I am.” He responds back. “You must be Heimerdingers?”

Viktors lip twitch into a smile when hearing his question being thrown back at him.

“I am.” He confirms his words which has the other nodding along. A silence falls between them before the other cuts it first.

“I never got your name.”

The Targaryen turns to look at him. “It’s Viktor.”

[copinghex]

Delirium | T.S

Summary: Thomas pays a last visit to the woman he always had a thing for | dark!AU and 🔞

A/N: This makes me feel like a nasty hoe, I just wanted to write smut with a Tommy who's obsessed but not violent, if that makes sense 🥴

Warning: Tommy being delusional 

The kitchen felt warmer than it probably was, Tommy's presence scared her, especially in moments they were alone.

Of course, her husband's presence wouldn't make a huge difference, he was a humble civilian and Tommy could pull out a gun on him at any moment. She preferred to meet in public spaces, where she'd be able to call for help.

He sat at the table, sipping on his tea with disturbing peace, as if he was the man of the house.

“Tommy,” she gulped, leaning on the counter far from him, “my husband will be home soon, so if you don't have anything to say-”

‘I thought I gave this house to you,” he interrupted.

“Y-yes, but he lives here too,” 

“Lucky, ain't he?” he nodded, the glassy look in his eyes scared her, “I gave you this place in consideration for you and the baby and he gets to decide who visits,”

“We know how lucky we are for having your sympathy,” 

“Sympathy,” he scoffed.

Lowering her head, she got ready for what seemed to be another one of his episodes. After every single one, she regretted the day she stepped into his family's betting shop looking for a job. After that, she never had peace.

People said after the war Thomas chose to be alone, she saw it differently, he was always surrounded by whores and flirting with the newcomer barmaid. Every now and then, he invited her to dates. Surely he wasn't a man she'd call lonely.

By then, his behavior didn't bother her, Small Heath was full of perverts and womanizers. He was just another one of them until he started to chase her. 

Even with his aunt's insistence for her to give him a chance, she paid him no mind, thinking Polly only favored her so he'd forget the barmaid who was later revealed to be a cop. Also, she heard he had an affair with his secretary and wooed his horse trainer, all while flirting with her and promising the world if she gave in. 

When Thomas got married, she swore things would get better, he'd leave her alone and wouldn't be in the betting shop as often. What an awful prevision. In a matter of weeks, he forbade his employees from dating, although she liked to think it was only because of business, she thought the order was way too strict.

Then the worst phase came, widowed Thomas was clingy, forceful, controlling and manipulative. His sad blue eyes would convince her of anything - or almost anything, the bedroom's part, she left for Lizzie - it was when she realized that for him to forget about her, she had to leave him. A new job should be enough.

One day after she resigned, he knocked on her door, asking all the reasons why she wasn't part of the company anymore and promising he'd stop chasing her. What a fool she was for believing. Thomas didn't stop flirting. He only changed his methods. Every week, she'd find a small - or a huge - gift by her desk.

Years went by and she moved on, Thomas became a permanent hurdle she chose to ignore. Nowadays, they were both married and with children, though sometimes he'd still remind her that if she wanted him, he'd be there.

“...do you want to talk?” she asked, perhaps with the death of his daughter he wanted consolation.

“Do I scare you?”

“No, hm,” she lied, his question surprised her, “a bit, sometimes, but mostly no,” 

“It came to me last night, perhaps I scared you, that's why you never wanted me,” 

“Tommy-”

“Y’know, some nights- many nights,” he wasn't looking at her, with his distant eyes and head low, she knew it'd be better to let him finish his monolog, “you were all I thought about, no shovels, no curses, just you, my wife,” 

“What?” she was shocked, but it didn't matter, he wasn't listening.

“We'd make love every night before going to sleep and I'd find out everything, what you like, what you don't,” he sighed, “and the rest wouldn't fucking matter, it'd be just you and me,” 

Finally, he looked at her waiting for an answer. She, on the other hand, didn't know what to say.

“Tommy, perhaps-” she started, “you know I have much respect for you, but also for Mrs. Shelby and my husband, so perhaps it's time you let go of this infatuation for me,” 

“Is this what you think it is? Infatuation?” 

“I-”

“Sometimes I thought of forcing you,” he confessed, “after everything I gave you it'd be fair, wouldn't it? To take something back, but that was the problem, I never wanted to fuck you, I wanted you to want me, sounds stupid now, eh?” 

“Why did you come here tonight?” after his speech, she was desperate for him to leave. 

“To tell you you'll finally have what you wanted, I won't bother you anymore,” he explained, “I'm sick,”

“With what?” 

“Tuberculoma,” 

All she did was stare, Thomas Shelby, the man who survived poverty, war and a dangerous career choice was killing himself from inside out. The worst part of her was relieved, the best felt bad for him.

“What about your son?” she mumbled.

“He's in good hands,” 

“Well, hm, I'm sorry,”

“Are you?”

Tommy finished his tea in a big gulp. His posture told her his objective wasn't done yet. Of course not, he always had an A on his sleeve.

“There's another reason why I came here tonight,” he admitted, “I'm gonna ask you something in good faith,” 

“Yes?”

“Grant me a last wish, all I ever wanted,” 

“What is it?” she tensed up.

“Sleep with me, as if we were husband and wife,” he pleaded, blown out eyes fixed on her.

“What?! I can't!” 

“Why not?”

“Because I'm married! We both are!” 

“Me? I'm not anymore,” 

“We can't, Tommy,”

“Please, not one has to know,” never in her life, she thought she'd see him beg, “first and last time,”

Again, she was speechless, guilty for considering giving in to him, but wouldn't it be merciful? Before she decided, he walked to her, cupping her face between his hands.

His lips met her cheek, gently kissing her, she barely believed when he started to smell her. For him, it was the best scent he ever felt.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she allowed him to keep going only to see how far he'd go. His palm was warm and easily covered half her face, his kisses went down her neck, different from what she was used to, her husband was sweet, Tommy was intense, drinking her in like a starving man.

He brought her closer, holding her waist with a strong grip. From that distance, she smelled the lingering cologne underneath the cigarette scent. The warmth from his skin gave her unwanted shivers.

Naively, she rested her hands on his back, it was all he needed to lift her to the counter, sitting her down and standing between her legs. As if she got out of trance, she pushed him away.

“Tommy,” she used a leg to create distance, foot well positioned on his chest, “we can't,” 

She expected him to retaliate, his fast breath and dilated eyes made her feel like a prey, he was the predator about to pounce. Instead, he took her foot into his hands, slowly kissing the way up her legs. She had all the time in the world to stop him, but her body froze with his affections.

Once he reached her thigh, Tommy put his head under her skirt, she felt his rough fingers undo her stockings and obliged, lifting her hips for him to pull her panties down. 

With his breath against her cunt, she held tightly to the counter, the surface was cold in her warm hands. He parted her inner lips with his tongue, making her jump slightly.

The foreign feeling brought excitement to her core, weak moans poured from her lips as Tommy sucked her clit.

Lifting her skirt, she ran a hand through his hair, he lowly hummed, burying his face further between her legs before standing up, starting a greedy kiss.

Through the desperate yearning, he was gentle, cupping her face and giving her little pecks every time she ran out of breath. She took his coat off and held onto him, from his waistcoat texture it must've been extremely expensive. 

Touching his thin body, few ribs could be counted even if she'd still consider him strong. Tommy started unbuttoning her dress and she stopped him.

“Like man and wife, you said?”

Excitement built in Tommy's chest, she'd be finally his, the idea got him hard as a rock. With a last peck on his lips, she guided him upstairs, avoiding looking at her family pictures. They made her feel bad.

Through the hallway, he stopped and stared at her daughter's bedroom's door, highlighted by the lilac color contrasting with the rest of white ones, “What's her name again?” 

“Agatha,” 

He sighed, picturing a little girl with her eyes, who'd play near the canal with Ruby, Charlie and Duke. She'd watch them from far, the three sweetest girls he ever met, that sounded like heaven, a heaven he'd never reach.

Pulling him to the guest room, she sat him on the bed, the spare, impersonal mattress that'd be ruined by her infidelity. As she straddled his lap, Tommy spread kisses on her chest, her head fell back from pleasure, body warming up to him.

As tempting as melting into his arms was, she wanted to give him an experience, something slow and intimate, between those four walls there was no unreciprocated love or unfaithfulness, only the two of them. 

She cupped his face and touched their foreheads together, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his waistcoat, “Tell me about your day,” 

“I'm glad it's already over,” he drawled, hands traveling through her back.

“Did you miss me?” she held a giggle at his unnecessary tie clip, he probably urged to show the world he could afford one. 

“I-” he gulped when she put the small golden clip between her lips, “did,” 

Fully undressing wasn't sexy like in books she'd read before, she had to stand up and got particularly shy while Tommy watched. However, she managed to get a few chuckles while taking the boots off his feet.

“I can tell,” with him brushing on her thigh, she got rid of his clothing and pushed him down the mattress. His eyes shone at the view of her on top of him, hands gripping on her dress as a silent request to take it off.

Playfully, she threw her last piece of clothing at him, a wool stocking far from being sexy. With a small smile, he pulled her back to bed, climbing on top of her in a swift move. His hands grabbed her waist while his face was buried on her neck, between kisses and bites, she could tell he was overwhelmed.

Wrapping her legs around him, she called his name in a whisper, Tommy lifted his head getting face to face with her and for a moment, it'd be foolish to deny he looked beautiful, lips swollen, hazed eyes and blushy cheeks fitting perfectly into his features.

The gray hair growing on his shaved sides caught her attention, a sign of how long he'd been pinning for her. She had seen him go from bookmaker to member of parliament, from a man who always wore the same three fancy suits to a man who could gift a house and yet, to her, Thomas Shelby was nothing but a pretty painting, something to admire, but never to hold dear.  

“What?” he noticed he was being observed.

“Nothing, can't I just look at you?” 

He squinted, lightly squeezing her cheeks together. She tensed up, realizing how vulnerable she was lying naked under him.

“Tom?” she feared some sudden change of demeanor.

His previous kindness suddenly vanished, Tommy kissed her hungrily and her body betrayed her, surrendering completely, urging to become one with him.

A tiny moan was all to be heard when he slid into her, then the bed started to crackle and the impact of his thrusts mixed with their heavy breaths. 

She tried to pull his head to her shoulder in an intimate embrace, he didn't let her, holding her hands above her head, “Want to look at you,”

The admission put a smile on her face, besides everything Tommy was sweet, certainly not like she imagined a gangster would be in bed. 

Between sloppy kisses, he freed one of her hands that she took to his back, his skin was soft, the only bumps were the scars he got in war and business, still, it was nothing she'd consider imperfections, it all added deepness to the artwork he was.

Freeing her other hand, she hugged him closer, the sudden pull disturbed his steady pace and she giggled at the surprised huff he let out.

Tommy Shelby wasn't a man to be vulnerable often, to see him make such noises or show desperate desire was more intimate than all the years she spent with her own husband. She wanted to see more.

The question crossed her lips before she could consider any further consequences, “Do you love me, Tommy?” 

He swallowed, gripping on her legs and pounding into her harder, “I do, fuck, I do, I love you,” 

Squeezing her eyes shut, her back arched from a consuming orgasm. Tommy's name filled the room in loud moans as her nails sank in his back.

After few more thrusts, he poured inside her. Tommy rested his forehead on hers and they breathed heavily. With mind foggy and his gentle caresses on her head, she didn’t hear steps on the other side of the door.

Hard knocks on the door made her freeze inside, Tommy had a tiny smirk on his face while her husband called from outside, “What the fuck is going on in there?!” 

[lurkingshan]

Last Twilight Episode 12

A month ago, I never could have predicted that I’d be sitting here trying to assemble some thoughts to explain how on earth this show went so badly off the rails. I am truly taken aback by where this story landed, and I advise anyone who wants to think of it fondly to just pretend it ended at episode 9, and even skip the finale if you haven’t watched yet. Before I get into it, let me just start with a word of praise for the cast, who did a great job with their performances and kept this show afloat when the writing fell apart. And boy, did it fall apart.

In my view, this narrative had three main threads it was addressing: 1) Day’s journey to accepting his disability; 2) unresolved family trauma; and 3) Mhok and Day’s romance. And in the end, it failed on all three of them. I am going to dig into this and I am not feeling particularly nice, so if this is going to hurt your feelings I suggest you stop reading now. 

Day’s Journey

Just…wow. We have been afraid of this turn the entire time and trying to hold out hope that the show would not go there, but here we are. I started laughing out loud when we got to the end of part 3 and Mhon’s phone went off with an alert for a new eye donor, and then just stared incredulously at my screen as we time skipped AGAIN to a Day whose vision had been restored for years (last week I joked to @bengiyo and @waitmyturtles that once a drama starts using time skips it becomes addictive and they never stop, and—welp!). What was this entire show for? Why did we spend twelve episodes with Day grieving his vision loss, learning how to cope, and finally accepting his blindness only to completely undercut it at the end? The first part of the finale was so much about how he was thriving—finding a new career for himself and becoming self-sufficient and growing so much on his own—only to give us an ending that implied he could not actually have his happily ever after without his vision restored. 

And this is in fact the message they sent by coupling the return of his vision with the return of he and Mhok’s relationship, and giving us a happy ending rooted in his contentment at having his sight back. They even went back to the Last Twilight mountain to completely tarnish the thematic resonance of the original scene. Calling back to the beautiful memory of Day “seeing” the sunset and experiencing “a moment so good that you feel like you can live there forever” as he accepted his disability with this scene of him seeing the real sunset with his restored vision was so hurtful to me that I actually got angry. Day didn’t need his vision back to get a happy ending, and I absolutely hate what this communicates about disabled people’s capacity to live happy and fulfilling lives. This show has created many writing sins but this is the most unforgivable to me.

Family Trauma

The show began dropping the ball on this one a few weeks ago, but this finale put the nail in the coffin. We spent most of this episode at Porjai and Night’s wedding, an event that might have felt meaningful if the show had let us see any of their romance. I’m grateful to Mark Pakin and Namtan Tipnaree for their beauty and charisma because it’s the only thing that made me care about those scenes at all. Rather than actually being about them, however, this wedding was used primarily as a clunky vehicle to deliver heavy-handed messages about “second chances” to encourage Day to get back together with Mhok (more on that in the next section). 

I did enjoy the brief nods in this episode to the brothers continuing to have newfound harmony in their relationship, but where the show really lost me was in their attempt to bring Night and Day’s dad back into the mix and imply some sort of resolution between him and Mhon. Mhon, a woman whose perspective on their split we never actually saw, whose motivation for her choices and behavior toward her sons were completely elided by the narrative, who was forgiven and made peace with offscreen during a time skip. I was never given the chance to understand her or what this relationship meant to her in the first place, so why would I care about these scenes with her making her peace with this man? I continue to be so confused about where this show chose to spend its time, and why someone with Aof’s track record on developing strong and narratively important familial relationships dropped the ball so much with her. 

The Romance

Okay, let’s get into it, and remember what I said about not reading if this is going to hurt your feelings! My criteria for considering a romance successful is I have to believe the relationship is mutual, beneficial to both of the pair, and that the couple is prepared to weather future challenges. Last Twilight’s romance fails on all three fronts, and it all comes down to the total imbalance in the relationship that persisted right through the final scenes.

This entire narrative has been Mhok bending to Day’s will, giving Day what he needs, forgiving him for everything, and letting him make all the decisions about the relationship, and the finale was regrettably more of the same. In episode 11, Mhok made a mistake when he lied to Day about turning down the job in Hawaii. But he made that mistake out of grief and fear, and Day didn’t care—he unfeelingly rejected him and his pain and ended their relationship without a second thought. That was potentially forgivable as a momentary lapse borne out of instinctual hurt, and could have been repairable had Day reconsidered soon after and extended Mhok some grace. But in this episode, we find out Day blocked Mhok and refused to communicate with him again after that night, and has left Mhok completely in the cold for three years after he failed to be perfect one (1) time.

And this episode? Was on Day’s side in this conflict. Mhok is the one to return and start pursuing Day again. Mhok is the one to broach the topic of their breakup. Mhok is the one to thank Day for breaking his heart and tell him he did nothing wrong (y’all, I almost threw something at the screen). Mhok’s grief and trauma go completely unaddressed in this finale until they try to play the Rung card for one last moment of sentiment. Day cries to his mother about how he just doesn’t know if he can forgive Mhok. And in the end, Mhok makes the grand gesture, missing his flight to go to Day and stay in Thailand with him despite the successful life he has built in Hawaii.

The cognitive dissonance I felt watching this play out was extreme. I rarely see a writer misunderstand their own characters and relationship conflict so thoroughly. In order to believe in this romance we needed to see Day finally show some empathy for Mhok, take responsibility for his own mistakes, and be the one to make an effort this time. We needed to believe that Day has the capacity to be a supportive partner to Mhok even when he’s struggling. But Day didn’t demonstrate any of that, and so I simply don’t believe in this relationship. I don’t believe Mhok can trust Day not to abandon him again when some other major life event intervenes and Mhok is less than perfect. And that’s a shame, because the show really almost had something here with these two. 

And that’s all I got. What a disappointment this show turned out to be. If you need me, I will just be over here in my little corner imagining the Night and Porjai romcom that we never got and pretending the rest of this show ended several weeks ago.

[serial-unaliver]

how tf do you make a post title on the new tumblr mobile app all I can do is make words bigger

hi hello it's sivi aka tonysopranobignaturals or whatever other cursed urls i've had. check my tiktok (nukehenrykissinger) for proof this is really me. if you don't already know I deleted my account a while ago after being put in a "most annoying tumblr users" poll. however, it's not being called an annoying tumblr user that actually caused me to deactivate, but rather the rumors spread as a result. this poll essentially grouped me with pedophiles and nazis and for people who already hated me it was a good opportunity to send anonymous asks telling people I believe awful things, am friends with awful people, etc., and while SOME people actually went to my blog before making assumptions, others did not. at the time this all happened I had over 80,000 followers. having that much attention online is only really useful on websites where you can monetize it. on tumblr it only gets your posts and your blog in places you wish it didn't.

I hoped being off tumblr would improve my mental health and while it did decrease relationship paranoia on social media, otherwise i've been doing quite horribly and put my family in danger several times. it's so bad that i'm saving up to move out so my family can live a more peaceful and safe life. looking back on my delusions that lead to planning murder-suicide (family annihilation) it's hard for me to comprehend how it was myself who got to that point. this disease turns you into someone else and there's only so much you can do to stop it--a person in a psychotic state is not self aware. my psychosis is trauma induced and I WILL have recurrent episodes that I can't predict or prevent. I have to live life with this knowledge. it's not easy. treatment is also difficult, and now that i've moved to an area with absolutely AWFUL healthcare I can barely even get my meds refilled, let alone find a therapist or psychiatrist who actually wants to work with me after seeing my record of institutionalizations.

now, on a more positive note, some people have asked me about my world on my tiktok. well, it's just as active as it's always been, and catching you up on current events would take forever so i'd rather post naturally as things occur like I did before.

and to conclude all of this...if you do have a problem with me for any reason that's fine; i'm not entitled enough to think I inherently deserve everyone's support, but I DO think you could just like, block me and leave it at that. oh yeah and the post says "return to tumblr *maybe*" because i'm not sure if I can handle the attention long enough for me to not delete again LOL.

[sirdindjarin]

A Ghoul and a Vault-Dweller Walk Into a Bar

Cooper "The Ghoul" Howard x Lucy MacLean.

TAGS: Fluff, pining, introspection lol.

WARNINGS: Swearing, alcohol consumption.

Based off of this post ! I loved the idea and couldn't get it out of my head.

AO3 link 🤠

A few days after the events of the last episode, the Ghoul and Lucy take solace in a quiet saloon, only to find their dynamic is changing.

“Ain’t this a peach,” the Ghoul muttered, taking in the New Vegas saloon. It was a postwar attempt to recreate what no one still walking had ever experienced, but it was faithful enough to send the Ghoul back to the set of a movie some two centuries earlier. He could smell the burn of the stage lights, hear the staccato of studio executives arguing, and see PAs stumbling over cables in the background. 

His bittersweet reverie ended when - what else - the Vault Dweller opened her mouth. Again. 

Bouncing on her tiptoes, her wide smile was interrupted only by her exclamation, “Wow! This place is right out of a history book. Oh, gosh, look at that!” 

Hanging from the ceiling was a myriad of materials in various stages of rust and decay. Grimy, glaring patrons grumbled as Lucy rushed past their tables to examine some memorabilia plastered to the wall. She gingerly ran her gray forefinger over the rusted farm equipment. “See these? They used to pull these behind a tractor, or a horse, and it made furrows in the ground. That made it a lot easier for them to plant things like corn, tobacco, wheat -” 

The Ghoul ignored her lesson. Let the history buff have her boring version of fun, it’d give him some peace. After the past three days, he needed it. He strode toward the far end of the bar, spurs clinking.

Lucy had been silent after the revelation with her father. Downright catatonic, almost. The following morning, still in sight of the Hollywood sign, and out of the daggum goodness of his heart (truly, he’d been a saint to even think about it) he’d offered her a hit of an upper, but she’d curled her lip in disgust. No skin off his nose, he’d thought humorously, he would just let her stew. 

Before the sun had set that next day, however, the girl abruptly flipped from traumatized silence to her usual non-stop chatter. He hadn't asked what changed. The Ghoul assumed she'd come to terms with her father being an evil sonofabitch. He expected her trauma would rear its ugly head at some point, but that was a future problem. Once she started talking again, he had again been a saint - he’d only thought about shooting her once. And that only because she had asked him a stupid question. 

You mentioned finding your family. You have kids?

Sidling up to the bar top, his ragged coat slapping gently against the stool, the Ghoul’s attention was drawn to a jukebox against the wall to his right. Colorful lights flashed, dimmed by a layer of dust; but the old machine advertised it was ready to sing. He glanced curiously at some of the songs, felt a flicker of some emotion he wouldn’t put name to, and turned away. He drummed his gloved fingers on the wooden counter, impatient to have something to smother the spark of sadness. Here, the weight of the past was literally hanging over his head.

The Ghoul had directed his focus on the other end of the bar, where the barkeep seemed to be pointedly ignoring him, when a dull scraping sound alerted him to someone sitting beside him - between him and the mocking jukebox. 

“Hi! Barkeep?” Lucy beamed and motioned between herself and the Ghoul, “Could we get a drink, please?” 

The gruff man looked more like a patron than a bartender, all heavy gait and uninterested stare, but he raised his eyebrows at Lucy. The Ghoul laughed under his breath. 

“What?” She asked in a whisper. Grimacing, she worried, “Oh… is that not how you’re supposed to do it?”

“There’s a laundry list of things you shouldn’t be doin’, Vaultie, but flaggin’ down the bartender ain’t one of ‘em.” 

Lucy straightened her posture. “You know, we have established a mutual goal and I would appreciate mutual respect. I don’t think being laughed at is-”

“Sweetheart, I ain’t laughin’ at you; quit bein’ so sensitive,” the Ghoul stated flatly. “Don’t we make quite the damned pair? A Ghoul and a Vault Dweller walk into a bar…” he trailed off with another chuckle.

Lucy relaxed her shoulders, still feeling awkward. “Oh, haha.” 

“All we got is distilled water and tequila. Which’un you want?” The bartender interrupted, though he spoke only to Lucy.

“Uh, I would like to try the tequila. I still have some water leftover and it’ll be fun to try something new.” 

The bartender sucked on his teeth, turned, and left - resenting serving a peppy Vault Dweller and outright refusing to serve the arrogant ghoul seated beside her as though it was a person.

“They don’t much like my kind here, darlin’,” the Ghoul grinned lopsidedly. He tapped his holster with his new forefinger. “I’ll have to get my drink a different way.”

Eyes wide, Lucy nearly stood on the rung of the stool as she shouted to the bartender: “Make that two glasses of tequila, please.” 

The barkeep went still for a brief moment before deciding it wasn’t worth it. He’d seen some weird shit, but if this wasn’t the strangest duo he’d ever served, he’d eat a radroach. He sent the shots sliding down the well-worn wood counter with surprising skill, and they stopped directly in front of Lucy. She nudged one of the grimy glasses toward the Ghoul, who grunted. 

In those old movies, the characters often clinked their glasses together. Excited to perform a toast in a real saloon, Lucy raised her glass toward the Ghoul. Her eyes sparkled so earnestly that the Ghoul briefly considered indulging her. Instead, he tipped the shot glass into his parched mouth, eyes closing in satisfaction.

“Ah,” he hummed. This was nothing like the chems he used to stay sane, and tequila wasn’t his favorite, but damn if it didn’t feel like the alcohol stripped off some of the layers of the past week's shit.

Upon opening his eyes, he was surprised by the mix of amusement and regret in his chest at the way the girl’s face had fallen. It was childishly funny the way he could disappoint her so easily - as though they kept the same standards of behavior - but the pleasure of her disappointment only took the Ghoul so far. 

“Go on, sweetheart,” he goaded, his voice deep and persuasive. “It ain’t top-shelf but it ain’t lizard-piss, either.” 

“I don’t know what either of those mean,” Lucy mumbled as she brought the glass to her lips; she winced as fumes burned her nostrils. Abandoning caution, she threw the clear liquid into her mouth and swallowed as the Ghoul had. The liquid stung as it slid down her throat; her mouth puckered. Fighting the urge to cough, she cleared her throat instead. Lucy refused to let the Ghoul have anything more to bully her about.

Lucy blinked away the wetness in her eyes. The Ghoul was watching her. Lucy couldn’t discern the look in his eye, but it wasn’t one she’d seen before. The Ghoul had made certain of that. 

“That was, um, so good,” she grimaced. But the warmth in her chest and stomach was pleasant. “You want another?”

The Ghoul chuckled, “If you’re buyin’.” 

***

“No, I only meant it as a compliment,” Lucy slurred, blushing furiously. She was only four shots in, but the Ghoul was starting to get concerned that she would throw up on him. Lucy wobbled on her stool. “Really, they’re nice eyes. No, ‘m okey dokey. Wow, this stuff is strong.” She held her hand out in front of her and wiggled her fingers, fascinated by the way her vision seemed to be a half-second beyond reality. 

“Must be. You,” he pointed in her face, “can’t handle your liquor.”

"Hey, it’s my first try," she steadied herself. 

“It’s gon’ be your last if you paint my boots. You look a little green, Vaultie.”

Her big brown eyes refocused on the Ghoul. “Okay, well, distract me. I know you won’t tell me anything about yourself.” 

He tensed. 

“And that’s okay. But I don't even know your name." Lucy threw him a frown, "What if I have to call for you - what am I supposed to say?” 

The Ghoul chewed at the inside of his cheek, tearing away some skin as he considered. He’d had twelve shots. She wasn’t asking anything too revealing; and she had saved his life. And maybe all her “Do Unto Others” bullshit wasn’t bullshit, but he still wasn’t about to crack open like a can of biscuits. The Ghoul gazed down into her doe eyes, then he and the tequila made a decision.

“Cooper,” he answered after safely looking away, his voice rough over the word.

Something scratched at the back of Lucy’s brain. Tipsy as she was, she knew this was important - she did not want to ruin whatever progress they seemed to have made. She nodded and replied politely, “That’s a good name. Cooper.” 

Lucy watched the rainbow of lights as they reflected off the shiny bar. She slid off the stool and leaned over the jukebox, flipping idly through the songs. 

Cooper held his thirteenth shot in his gloved hand as he stared ahead at the blank wall of the now-empty saloon. After they had collectively purchased nearly twenty shots, the bartender had lost all sense of distaste for either of them; he now sat in a chair, dozing, waiting for the Ghoul and the Vault Dweller to ask him for more. 

A gasp came from Cooper’s right. His stool groaned as he turned, and he saw Lucy grinning up at him.

“Look at this song: I Walk the Line. It’s from one of my favorite movies -” 

Cooper's stomach lurched. 

“A Man and His Dog.” Lucy selected the song. “And the main character’s real name was Cooper. Used to watch those old Westerns with - with my dad all the time. The best ones are the ones with him. With Cooper Howard, I mean. He was always the good guy. He never hurt anyone. Well, unless he absolutely had to, of course.” She began to wax poetic about ethics, and her audience of one tuned out. The gruff croon of Johnny Cash filled the otherwise silent building.

Cooper Howard debated whether or not he should tell her the truth. He didn’t know how much she knew about his life as an actor - some of her questions about his family could be answered if she knew about his widely-publicized, definitely-public-record divorce - but seeing her face when she learned that her favorite cowboy movie star was the radiation-ravaged monster sitting beside her would be hilarious.

I keep my eyes wide open all the time

I keep the ends out for the tie that binds

Well, would it be hilarious? Cooper wasn’t so certain anymore. Lucy’s disappointment in him was rapidly losing its luster. Her cowboy had fallen a height that would’ve killed anyone else - had killed almost everyone else. The good man she idolized was dead. He wouldn’t resurrect him just to kill him again in front of Lucy. 

For the second time that afternoon, she pulled him abruptly from a reverie. 

“I wonder what it was like. Everyone in these saloons… with a jukebox playing while you dance with a handsome stranger,” Lucy gazed out at the empty room. “It must’ve been incredible.”

Cooper didn’t correct her about jukeboxes and saloons. Instead, he took his thirteenth shot, allowing it to burn away what was left of his judgment. 

“Well, come on down, darlin’.” He held out his hand - the one that was one-fifth her.

Dubious, distrustful despite their fledgling partnership, Lucy’s eyes darted between his outstretched hand and his dark eyes. This man had cut off her finger less than a week before. He’d tried to sell her. 

But this wasn't a desperate game of cat and mouse, and he no longer believed she was a lying murderer. (That conversation had been a hoot. One of the few times he’d asked her a question, Cooper had wondered what possessed her to cut off Wilzig’s fuckin’ head, and, after she told him Wilzig had left her no choice, she tearfully described the sound of his spine severing and nearly vomited. The Ghoul had laughed.) She was here of her own choice. Lucy chose to follow the Ghoul - Cooper - into the Wilds and the Wasteland. She trusted him now, and he her.

“It’s alright, Vaultie. Y’know I won’t bite,” he drawled with a smirk. “Of the two’ve us, which one has bitten the other?” 

“Wh-?” Lucy started to ask, then decided better of it. Cooper had given her his name and his trust. He had been as kind as summer by Wasteland standards, and she would be damned if her manners were the poor ones. She took his hand.

As sure as night is dark and day is light

I keep you on my mind both day and night

The room was spinning, and Lucy wasn’t sure if the blame should be placed on the tequila or the Ghoul who held her so gently. This was a far cry from the lasso he’d thrown around her last week. She opened her mouth, fully intent on telling him See, the Golden Rule is golden for a reason. But when his hand slid slowly from the curve of her waist to the small of her back, she found that the words were missing. 

He guided them in a small, slow circle. Cooper’s chest was pressed up against her own, and it was though his centuries-deep layers of leather and cotton, and her pristine, thick Vault-Tec suit were non-existent. The vulnerability set his teeth on edge, but it relaxed Lucy. She let the music, the alcohol, and the Ghoul take her. Uncharacteristically shy, and somewhat nauseous, she laid her head on his shoulder. 

Cooper hummed along with Johnny Cash, letting himself feel a modicum of peace in this improbable, inexplicable bubble. He could feel Lucy’s heart beating rapidly beneath her garish suit. His own heart felt like the tattoo of a horse’s hooves. Cooper’s jaw tensed as he wondered how she’d feel to know that. He found himself hoping. 

Hope and contentment were as foreign to him as a nose and hair, now. Yet he felt the gnaw of yearning. Lucy was a reflection and a time machine. Maybe that cowboy - the one who deserved both hope and contentment - could live again. 

And happiness I've known proves that it's right

Because you're mine, I walk the line.

[breakerwhiskey]

260 - TWO HUNDRED SIXTY

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey.

Transcript under the cut. For more episodes, click here.

[click, static]

It took me the better part of a day but I think I’ve done it. I think I’ve written out your whole message. It…I honestly have no idea what it says. I was so focused on the individual letters, barely any words formed from it as I went.

I…I should go get Harry. But she’s sleeping and…I think she needs the rest. After—we’re still working through things and I think—no, I know—we will be for a very long time. As we waited for your message to finish transmitting, we talked a lot. We maybe got a little…distracted from time to time, but she put it all out on the table, everything she’d been thinking and feeling that she didn’t tell me. Things she didn’t even write in her notebook. And I told her things…we aired grievances and shared the times when we thought we might get close to something, back in New York. She talked about how she felt about Pete and listened to me when I talked about him and…and she was really kind when I couldn’t parse the good from the bad, when I didn’t want to just write him off as a violent criminal. I mean, I don’t…well, there are a lot of things I need to work through and it doesn’t all have to do with Harry.

Well. I could fill you in on all of it, on every detail, but…these broadcasts have been mine, separate from Harry, as much as anything in my life can be separate from Harry, and there are some things with her that are separate from the world. At least for now.

I know I said I might stop transmitting now that we’re safe and I think…I think I am going to take a break. Disappear for a little while like you’re so fond of doing. I’m—well, I think I’m happy and I’m not totally sure what to do with that feeling. Especially since it’s laced with…well, Junior is still out there, we’re still trapped here and even though I know what it’s like to kiss her, to— I don’t think I’ve forgiven Harry yet, not fully. She knows that, she…she’s understanding of it. Genuinely. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to try to get there. Especially since I know I haven’t been the paragon of healthy communication and perfect relationship behavior so there are things that I need to…that I need her forgiveness on and, well, I think she wants to try to get there too.

All that said—well, I don’t know what I’m going to find in your message and I hope it’s not goodbye forever, but maybe this is a goodbye for now. I want only good things for you Birdie. I hope you get a little peace of mind. A little closure. I’m discovering eve the tiniest glimpse of it really does wonders.

Okay. Here we go.

“Dear Whiskey,

I am sorry that we couldn’t meet. You find yourself in a watch tower of my own creation. I wasn’t positive it would still be functioning in this timeline—you never do know when an earthquake or a storm is going to cause something to come toppling down—but I’m relieved to find that it is. I do wish I could have been there myself, but we can only enter timelines through great pains and effort and I have already interfered far more than we are meant to. Though I suppose my hand was forced when I ceased to be the only one communicating with you.

The person you know as Fox is, as you guessed, a purist. They want all people in all places to be instead in one place, following one path. They do not believe that anyone should be free to make their own choices and live with the consequences. They would prefer to guide your hand into another choice you cannot take back, all in service of what they deem to be correct. They know what they are; they even told you directly. Though they are not the figment of an author’s imagination, they are as close to Eternity as one can get. Though in this case, they are not the norm, but a rebel.

And I cannot claim there is nothing to re—rebel against. It is not a perfect system. It is hard, to watch people suffer in the worlds of their own creation, with no obvious recourse. Sometimes these timelines correct themselves, merging with each other or disappearing entirely. But even we, the keepers and observers of these strands, cannot fully comprehend the intricacies of why certain shifts are created.

As you know, you are not the first person for whom I have tried to bring comfort in a lonely universe. Not all alternate worlds are as empty as yours, but some are even emptier. And yours, was of course, becoming more empty all the time, though that may not be a bad thing for every person involved.

Fox told you you’re too late because the timeline has shifted once again. I’ll explain that in a moment but first I need to talk about the shift that preceded it, that caused an angry man to seek vengeance. A few months ago, Fred Billings’ mother—“

Fred. That’s his name. Fred. Wow, I, uh—anyway—

“Fred Billings’ mother, who was her—who was here, vanished from this place and merged with her correct timeline. Both Fred and his father perished in a car accident on New Year’s Eve 1974, and the widow Billings’ life was forever changed. Fred woke up here one day to find that his mother—who he had lived with in some degree of contentment for the last six years—had vanished. Meanwhile, she was waking up in the place she was from, with no memory of this world.

That’s what would have happened if you had killed Junior. Or, at least, that is what Fox and I both suspected. That it would have aligned enough with the timeline of your origin and you would’ve been sent back. But you should know, if that were to happen, all of this would seem like a strange dream. Your memories of the last seven years would be filled with the experience of that other you. The events you’ve experienced here would not inform your life. I have not brought you here to keep you from making that decision for yourself, but because I thought you deserved to have all the information relevant to what Fox was asking you to do. They forced my hand when they told you to kill Fred—I could not let you do that without knowing the full consequences.

However, it is a moot point. As I said, something in the timeline has shifted again. You have merged—you have merged with another offshoot, your circumstances have once again changed. I wish I could give you the information that would help you navigate this new world—I wish I knew if this meant more potential allies or if this meant that you were closer to getting back home than you were before. But we cannot see all. Fox has their ways of seeing more than most, but I suspect even they are uncertain of what this shift has brought.

I do know that yours and Harry’s fates are irreversibly intertwined. I cannot think of a decision on any timeline that would separate you as you are now. In that sense, I take comfort in knowing you will never be truly alone.

On that subject, I have a final gift for you. I know you are going to cease transmitting soon. And I understand that, I do. But before you go silent, look at the radio system in front of you—“

…okay…

“Turn it on and tune to the very last frequency. Then switch on the delta tune to the positive and access the off-frequency just beyond that final channel.

Through some error that I know my superiors would like to correct, your transmissions have been reaching out—have been reaching outside of your world. In the same way that visions of the world you came from have bled into where you are now—” The polaroids I’m guessing— “your words have reached beyond their usual bounds. It is why they were able to reach your friends from across the country and after a year of listening to you, I have yet to figure out why this is happening at all.

Perhaps now that you are no longer alone, you don’t need this particular comfort. But you have spent all this time calling into the dark, hoping someone was listening, hoping someone would call back. Hoping that someone out there would find you.

You were found a long time ago. You were never really lost or alone. Many of them were alone, before they heard your voice. But the moment you called out, there were voices calling back, even if you couldn’t hear them.

Your friend, Birdie”

What…I don’t…I don’t understand—

Okay, tune to the last frequency…let’s see

[turning to the frequency]

“You were found a long time ago”…Who found—

[gets to the last frequency and then—

a cacophony of different voices, all the messages that Whiskey has not been receiving, from infinite timelines]

(an intake of breath)

Oh my god.

[static]

[click]

[whumpfish]

So, I have been in a very long, very hot shower because I hurt like a bitch, and I think I have narrowed down the basis of my major whump pet peeve, and I'm going to be using my pet fav series Word of Honor to do it.

You cannot survive sustained/chronic/severe pain if you don't develop a relationship with it. The first couple episodes of Word of Honor aren't about Zhou Zishu x Wen Kexing, they're about Zhou Zishu x Zhou Zishu's pain/condition. And that latter relationship continues to evolve and stay at the forefront on a parallel path to the development of the former.

He saddles himself with this thing as penance, because when he makes that decision, he believes that being crippled is "a fate worse than death." And then he goes on living, and discovers that life goes on, so he makes an increasingly-less-guarded peace with it. So when he meets Wen Kexing and Gu Xiang, he's doing his own thing, enjoying the good parts of what remains of his life even though his condition remains at the forefront, and will for the rest of the series. He's integrated it into his life to such an extent that Gu Xiang readily dubs him "Sick Man."*

That's what gets my goat every time: whumpees that aren't allowed to develop a relationship with their pain and are instead thrust into relationships with "caretakers" who don't do much more than provide warm blankets and snuggles and therapy-approved conversation on demand, and be "heartbroken" over how broken and pathetic the whumpee is in their eyes. Because the reality is that the relationship with pain has to be established before any other relationships can go anywhere.

Pain/illness kills relationships. People leave. They just do. It becomes too much of a bother to make changes to their own lives, and they jet.** And it's just you and your pain/condition until you can find the few truly good people who will give you love and reasonable help. You have to develop a relationship with it. It's your new roommate for the rest of your life.

You and your pain are going to be in the wars. You're going to get mad and scream and throw things at it. You're going to resent it for being the only one who's there with you every day. You're going to think about all the shit you can't do anymore, and you'll be frustrated to tears.

But eventually - if you're allowed - you make peace. You stop hating your roommate for holding you back from parties, you just find someone who can drive you home, or stay in with you. You'll find other people who have the same kind of roommate, and then you'll all get along.

And if you are very, very, galactically, fictionally lucky, you find a partner who will help you stand your ground against life and what your roommate pain has made of it. This is what happens in Word of Honor.

Wen Kexing is by no stretch Zhou Zishu's perma-caretaker, or "Caretaker" in the sense that plagues new wave whump. But he cares, and offers what help he can, when he can, without hovering and without kid gloves. He looks for a cure earnestly but without coddling or pitying Zhou Zishu for being a Sick Man. It's a more honest and realistic portrayal of someone ill/disabled and someone not who loves them than I've seen anywhere else.

My relationship with my pain is ongoing and continues to evolve. It takes things from me, but it gives me things, too. My love of whump, the Pain Genre, is one of those things. Whenever my pain spikes like this, my tolerance for fluff in the whump zone plummets, so just know that whenever you get ornery meta from me, my pain and I are sitting around having wine (gingerbeer, can't have wine with the new meds, thanks a lot pain) and bitching.

The reason there's no good chronic pain rep outside of WOH is that characters are not being allowed to develop relationships with their pain, and are only allowed to have relationships with other things and people, and those relationships are inevitably trainwrecks, or insultingly unrealistic and saccharine, because an entire segment of the character's life and personality and identity is being masked or exploited instead of embraced. So let your whumpee have a relationship with their pain/conditions/traumas. Chronic pain/illness havers the world over will thank you.

[mephistopheleswasrobbed]

I'm back with episode 4 of Peaceful Property and our boys are starting to be quite solid, so let's go!

1

They're not fighting anymore this week (although I suspect they might bring that back next week when things get personal for Peach) but they're still doing their good old couple bickering.

(I wish to personally congratulate whomever came up with this line. It's perfect.)

2

Pangpang's commenters are also still shipping, though they were mostly preoccupied with criticizing her and the government, this week.

3

They keep just being around each other. Sitting closer than neccessary, standing closer than neccessary.

They clearly find comfort in each others presence and constantly seek it out, sticking together for large parts of this episode.

They were this close to cuddling on that couch while the others were doing their own stuff. (And Home is truely not disproving the bi allegations with the way he's sitting? here)

Even when Peach cooks, Home, instead of helping/bothering the others is, of course, sticking with Peach (and racking up the ghost's energy bill)

4

Peach laughs at Home's stupid joke. That's like THE ultimate sign of a crush (or so I'm told).

5

In general they're so touchy this episode.

Starting off by holding hands when running from the alledged ghost.

(Btw, can we talk about the way Home looks at Peach here, because damn)

And after Peach injuries his ankle they get even touchier. Home is immediately the one who keeps carrying Peach around but even when he's not doing that they've got their hands on each other,

he's got a hand on Peach's back,

or an arm around his shoulder.

Through all of it Home's so gentle with Peach. Very sweet.

(And don't think I didn't catch your hand when you were checking on Peach ('s peach), Home!)

6

Discussing Pangpang's recent behavioural changes while casually fighting over a blanket. It seems they have taken her comment about them being the parents to heart. Also Home is the one who brings it up which goes to show that he's really been paying attention, trying to learn about his new companions just like shady uncle told him to in ep 2.

Appropriately, their fight ends with them sharing the blanket, so.

7

They're both so protective of the other this episode.

Peach especially. He's so far been mostly cowering behind his sister or Home, but this episode he kind of takes on the role of protector. He is, after all the only one who has experience seeing ghosts, so now that the other three are seeing a "ghost" for the first time and are quite distressed by it, he steps up to take charge of the group. Deciding when to leave situations and making sure everyone's safe. Notably he physically pulls Home (and only Home) along to run away TWICE this episode. The first time in the aforementiond hand holding moment and the second time when they run away, shortly before the shelf incident.

Home gets his turn to be protective after Peach gets hurt. I've already discussed how he immediately takes it upon himself to carry Peach around and sticks to his side for the rest of the night, but he's also not about to just let it go that Mr. Magician hurt his man, even after he tells them his (admittedly very sad, even my reservations about Foei couldn't stop me from shedding a couple of tears) sob-story.

(Sure Home, "friend")

8

Peach has become somewhat of a chaotic-rich-boy handler.

They're functioning as a team now, complementing each other and Peach is here to bring the level-headedness when Home get's a little too worked up. Cause if Home is going to listen to anyone, it's Peach.

9

They have achieved the crucial step in relationship closeness of nonverbal communication.

(this is admittedly where still images can't fully capture my point but trust me bro, it's happening) (also admittedly, there's no exclusivity here. Some nonverbal communication is happening between many constellations of their team this episode, showing that they've all gotten closer. But it's an important milestone in their relationship nontheless so I'm bringing it up)

10

Home notices Peach shaking when cooking and he's worried about him. (He had already witnessed the shaking last episode when Peach was making noodles in their office so he knows it's a pattern and not a one-time thing) It is in fact his biggest worry right now, as we find out when he's talking to Kan on the phone, and Suradech in the bath for some reason.

Speaking of that scene, he does get a little flirty with Kan over the call but even he admit's he's joking.

What he's not joking about is that he's happy that their group has clicked and from what we see this episode and the fact that he goes immediately back to worrying about him, I think it's safe to say he's mostly thinking about Peach when he says this.

In the first place, there was never really any major problem between anyone else, so it truely is this newfound closeness between Home and Peach that brings harmony to their little family.

11

Of course, while her brother and Home are off in their own world, Pangpang sticks with Kan. She is unfortunately a little too busy with her own insecurities to get much flirting done this week, but you can't convince me she wasn't a little turned on by Kan when she threatened to sue the "ghost".

12

Again, this week we leave the episode with a little nugget of extra Home and Peach sitting very close, bickering and flirting in the credits.

TayNew's chemistry is coming through in full force in these moments. I'm half convinced the director told them to just be themselves when they filmed the end credit bits.

[icyg4l]

How to Prepare for Halloween 🎃

hello beautiful people! the theme of this month is ask and you shall receive! i asked you all how you would feel about a halloween series & this is just the beginning! today’s pick a pile is all about what you should do in order to prepare for your halloween plans. if you are interested in booking a reading with me after reading this, please go to either my guidelines or my booking website to book a reading! 😸 if you have any questions, please dm me! without further ado, please select the pile that resonates with you!

top left to bottom right: (1-4)

pile one: save your money!!! it is imperative that throughout the next four weeks, you make better financial decisions. right now, you could be a broke college student, but once that refund check hits you'll have plans to celebrate halloween the right way! if you plan on drinking/going out in between then, make sure that you don't drink too much. you could burn yourself out that way. and for those who are underaged, please for the love of god, dress up with your family! some of you may have a tradition where you have a family group halloween costume. you might think it's lame but years down the line, what will you have to show for it? the 'it' being your dedication to family. it's better to cringe than to be regretful.

cards used: 5 of discs. 10 of cups. 4 of discs. king of swords.

pile two: this is my introverted pile for sure. boredom sucks, doesn't it? it's time to find peace in that though. be grateful for your current circumstances because things are about to start looking up for you. it's about the little things that will lead to the big things, even if it means being uncomfortable. if there is a chance for you to go party, then do that. you will meet someone at this party who is well-connected with someone that will invite you to their halloween party. if you're more into small-gatherings/quieter settings, attend a movie/poetry night at your school if that exists. the outcome will be the same. you don't try hard enough. an object in motion stays in motion. let's get the ball rolling, shall we?

cards used: 4 of cups. 9 of cups. death. princess of discs. 9 of discs. prince of cups.

pile three: you have wayyy too much on your plate. it's time to start breaking things into sections. some of you could be contemplating your next hairstyle, get something that will last past halloween! get a hairstyle that is low maintenance and versatile, preferably something that is not in your face. it is best that you take a tolerance break right now. find some more productive things to do. the best thing for you to do is to stay sober at this time. you could be prone to psychotic/mental breakdowns + episodes. some of you have nightmares around halloween annually. try not to overstimulate yourself by multitasking. just do one thing at a time. lastly, if you hold a leadership position, don't be afraid to try a new method or let someone else take the lead. it is okay to be a student.

cards used: king of discs. temperance. 9 of swords. princess of swords.

pile four: embrace escapism! you are so uptight, pile four. you just need a night on the town to help with that. your friends may clown you for doing things that would be considered "ladylike" or "mature". that's just your prerogative. however, you are the only one stopping you from letting loose. a good pregame session would do you something good! some of you may attend church on halloween, but this year you may want to do something different. it's okay to want to explore. you're the antithesis to pile three. it is best for you to just go with the flow this halloween season. do something out of the ordinary.

cards used: 8 of wands. 5 of wands. the moon. the hanged man.

[sneakertin]

if anyone is still interested in the bounty hunter tentoo au, here's my huge little ramble about it!! it's a bit wild. sorry not sorry.

also, there's some more details in this post, in case anyone missed it.

and here's a couple of sketches, of course^^

ok so. when tentoo finally finds thirteen and yaz it's almost like an episode-style kinda story with him as the villain of the week, simply because i think in this format. after he has his hysterical little explanation of everything that's happened the doctor is visibly traumatized and yaz is profoundly concerned. predictably, he tries to kill the doctor(but not yaz). they manage to get away, and now she has to tell yaz about who tentoo is. she basically sits her down like a grandpa and tells her the entire long ass story. reasonably, yaz has very conflicting emotions about him. yes, his story is heartbreaking and all, but he does want to murder the woman she loves?? anyway. tentoo soon finds them again. he's a very tough enemy, maybe one of the toughest the doctor has ever met. he spent years preparing for their confrontation, he has her memories and her mind, her thought process. not only that, he knows all her weak spots and all her insecurities(he's a bit like the master in that respect). at first it seems like he's always a step ahead of them, but that soon changes. after all, he is extremely mentally unstable. he has been running on spite for the last ~15 years, and the doctor is much older than when they last met. he may have her memories, but she had plenty of time to gain new ones, to become wiser. this goes on for a while, tom and jerry kinda shit, but tentoo looses in the end.

also, there's this little scene where he stumbles upon the tardis while chasing the doctor and yaz. he sees her, stops dead in his tracks. he hasn't even realised how much he missed her. he approaches slowly and feels a faint presence in his mind. his telepathy is very weak, his time sense practically gone. he leans his forehead against the door and tardis welcomes him. he almost cries. that's the first friendly telepathic contact he's had in years. he feels at peace as he reaches for the door handle and.. it doesn't open. he tries again. she doesn't want him there, he realises. anger rises in him. he kicks the door.

"Oh, I see how it is. You want to protect her. You know that I'm going to hurt the Doctor. I mean, of course you do. I don't know what I was expecting."

he gives her one final, longing look before leaving.

initially, he dies during their battle. killed by his own weapon or something like that. it's all very dramatic and tragic, he forgives the doctor right before dying and asks her to live the life he couldn't. she gives him a gallifreyan funeral. she and yaz hold hands as they watch his body burn. the doctor has a strong sense of deja vu.

BUT then i thought that i don't want this story to end so soon because i need something to think about during the day, and i'm not ready to let go of this au yet. so, i made tentoo travel with thirteen and yaz!! this doesn't make much sense but it's fun so i don't care. the doctor feels insane amounts of guilt over tentoo and she desperately wants to make it better(it's a rather selfish decision, very typical of the doctor). and tentoo probably just realises that the doctor is not nearly as evil as he thought all those years. meeting her in the flesh reminded him of when he was her, of the fact that he never did anything out of any malice and yet people still blamed him for the things that weren't his fault. he's completely burned out, all the fight leaves him. on a subconscious level he just wants some company, wants to travel properly again. and after all the shit he went through, the doctor is probably the only person who can understand him. so, to his own surprise, he agrees. yaz is not too excited about bringing a serial killer aboard, but she sees the potential in him.

their battle was messy. his spaceship is destroyed, and it feels like the end of an era. they walk back to the tardis in silence, there's rubble all around them.

he realises, as he stands in front of the blue box, that he's trading one stolen spaceship for another. that brings a laugh out if him and yaz gives him a weird look. by that point, the doctor is nearly vibranting with excitement.

"Ready to see what she looks like?"

right, the tardis must have redecorated. he nods. the door makes a familiar creak as he takes a step forward. his jaw drops.

"Oh, you gorgeous!!"

he rushes ahead and moves around the console, touching the corals and admiring their colours. yaz is a bit shocked at his surge of enthusiasm. he seems so... doctor-like, she thinks. yes, his smile is manic and his eyes are filled with pain. his face is marked with a scar and there's nothing but an empty space where his right hand used to be. but in that moment, he is human.

slowing down, he runs his fingers along some buttons with a solemn expression. he lifts his gaze up at the moving column.

"I'm sorry for kicking you. You were doing the right thing and I... I was just upset that you didn't let me in. You understand, don't you?"

the tardis makes a low, gentle noise. he smiles.

"I missed you too, old girl."

he startles a bit when the doctor approaches from behind.

"I take it you like her new look." she laughed, awkward. "Erm, listen, I wanted to ask... About your name. Or, the lack of one. We couldn't very well keep calling you the instantaneous two-way biological metacrisis, could we? Now that you're not trying to kill me anymore, you could be the Doctor ag-"

"No!" he blurted, suddenly. "I mean, I... I don't wanna be you. I'm not you." she stared at him, open mouthed. "I think I wanna be my own person now. Fresh start, you know? Not the Doctor, not the Verisian Slayer or whatever it was that they called me." he looked lost, scared by the thought of his own future, but determined.

"That's the spirit!" she grinned and slapped him on his back. he grimaced. "Sorry. Anyway, we still need to come up with a name for you! How about good old John Sm-"

"Absolutely not!"

"Alright. John Handy?"

"Be careful, I might change my mind about not trying to kill you. By the way, you owe me a new hand." he angrily flapped his empty sleeve at yaz. she raised her hands in defence, laughing. she felt a bit guilty now, for nicking and breaking it earlier that day. oh, what a mad day that was.

"I'll make you a one! Back on the topic, how about James? You know, like Jamie Mccrimmon."

his shoulders sagged and she saw his eyes fill with memories of an old friend.

"Yeah, I think I like that."

...

AHEM!! got a bit carried away there. this thing nearly turned into a fic, but i'm not a writer so it's probably very messy. i don't wanna pull the "english is my second language" card so i'll just apologise for the ungodly amount of grammatical nonsense. sorry.

ANYWAY, they start traveling together and it's literally the most dysfunctional friendship ever. you may be thinking: "how is this gonna work? are they just gonna forget about the fact that james spent the last ten years killing people left and right?" well, he can't be any worse than the master, right? but he is a very troubled character and he spends a lot of time trying to recover from everything that's happened. the doctor and yaz are there for him all the while.

as for their relationship... basically, the doctor is very protective of james. as i said earlier, she feels directly responsible for what happened, even tho he doesn't really blame her anymore.

also, damn. that name change is very sudden, isn't it? i still can't tell if it's cringe or not. but i don't want him to go back to being the doctor, so it's not like there's any other options. the way it works is that he doesn't actually reject his past. has the memories of being the doctor and even tho he didn't actually live through them, to him it feels like he did. he was the doctor up to a certain point and then he became an entirely new person, albeit with a mutual past with her. he finally embraces his humanity. during their travels he is surprised at how refreshing it is to be in the role of the companion, to not be the doctor anymore. he no longer feels the weight of all the responsibilities and expectations that come with that bearing that name. people no longer blame him for every little thing gone wrong, for the most part. he's relieved to feel that kind of freedom, but at the same time he feels sorry for the doctor who is still being treated like that, and probably always will be. tho he is faced with his own bad reputation occasionaly. someone recognised the doctor and james once and called them "the doctor and their personal assasin".

relationships, yes. james has no problems getting along with the doctor, for obvious reasons, but he and yaz take some time to get used to each other. in the end, they bond in a way that i can't really explain. he sees right through yaz, and it kinda freaks her out. he immediately recognises the exact kind of relationship she has with the doctor and oh boy, he turned himself into a fucking matchmaker. you'd think he'd be horrified at the prospect of the doctor falling in love with a human again, considering the massive trauma he has regarding this topic, but no. i guess that as a human he takes it much easier this time around. he is mortal, and so is yaz, and that kinda makes her seem less fragile to him.

OH!! i forgot to mention the little running gag i came up with. so, every now and again james gets his prosthetic broken, or stolen, or eaten or absolutely obliterated in the most unpredictable comedic way possible and he gets soooo mad every time. at one point they meet the pting again... you can guess what happens.

oh, i was also thinking about bringing jack into this whole mess because i'm obsessed with tenjack, but i'm still not sure about that. i was just wondering how different their relationship would be if the doctor was human. we already know that jack loves the doctor and will probably never stop. but james doesn't have much of his time lord senses left now and therefore he wouldn't be able to feel jack's "wrongness". moreover, he spent years with barely any human connection and now he's desperate for it. most importantly, the majority of the doctor's relationship hang ups are based on their immortality, and guess what!! james doesn't have that anymore. he's not the doctor, he's changed, but he still has the memories. jack is still his friend. with nothing holding james back, i truly think he would be able to return jack's feelings. or maybe I'm thinking to much about it. maybe i just everyone to be gay, who knows?? i honestly don't know just how weird it would be if they were together but, my god, i just want them both to have some comfort, something that goes farther than friendship.

anyway, jack joins the dysfunctional trio post revolution of the daleks(for him) so he already knows thirteen and yaz. you can imagine his shock when he sees james. james is no less surprised. a wave of insecurity hits him and he immediately tries to explain to jack that he's not who he thinks he is. that's he's not really the doctor, that's he's that weird little guy who grew out of The Hand. jack hears his words, but goes for a hug anyway. james sighs in relief. at least he doesn't have to deal with rejection again. he's also startled to realise that jack doesn't feel wrong anymore. it's supposed to be a bad thing: his mind can no longer sense the timelines. but instead of panicking about it, he just chooses to relax in his friend's embrace. the doctor looks at them, and smiles.

...

aaaand that's all i have for now!! when i tell you i nearly died trying to convert all my loose thoughts into a semi-comprehensible text. you a real soldier if u read all that. hope you enjoyed<3

[bucchus]

Honestly it just feels like 911 has been going in circles for a while now. During season 5 i was already kinda getting bored and frustrated with some aspects of it so i only watched season 6 sporadically when they then moved to abc i was like I’ll give it another chance… liked the opening disaster and was then positively surprised by bi buck. But looking at the show now… literally every character seems to be in the exact same place they were years ago there is nothing really new happening anymore i feel like I’ve been watching the exact same storylines over and over again. There are hardly any new faces popping in that could freshen it up and if they do the side characters are gone again after a few episodes. Bobby and Athene have communication problems every season and Athena is a cop that gets some copaganda shit to do. Henren always have drama when it comes to expanding their family and hen‘s job. Chim never has a storyline outside of his wife and maddy is only needed when something regarding abuse pops up. Buck just recycles through wanting to find love and being dumped (now with the addition of male love interests but they still can’t even say his sexuality on camera) and Eddie is still finding himself and trying to heal. It‘s getting so repetitive i kind of wish they will end the show after season 8 because it seems to be getting worse and worse.

i agree mostly. i think tim really meant it when he said characters shouldn't change. i just took it to mean that their core characteristics should be kept intact while still growing into better versions of themselves. it's weird that tim seems to have forgotten about that part. recycling the same issues over and over doesn't make for good storytelling, imo—it just gets boring. the outcome is always the same—it seems like a given character has finally found the answer or made peace with themselves, only to circle back a season or two later. it's exhausting.

that said, it does remind me of real life in a way. people often think they've learned a lesson, only to end up repeating the same patterns over and over again. it takes tremendous self-discipline to change how we approach things, since we tend to stick with what feels most comfortable. so, in a way, i get why some of these characters fall back into the same habits—it's realistic. but here's where this argument falls short—as oliver likes to point out, this show is not a documentary. it doesn't have to reflect real life 1:1. honestly, who wants to watch characters constantly go in circles? it may work for a little while, but there comes a point where you have to know when to stop. i think buck's had enough failed relationships to have learned how to navigate or fight for one. i think bobby and athena have had enough conversations about difficult topics to understand that it's better to approach the situation in a healthier manner.

i'm not saying these problems need to disappear completely. i'm saying that it'd be nice to see the impact of the previous situations on the current one, with a character actually drawing from past experiences and trying to do better. it doesn't mean the character has to suddenly be perfect in that aspect—just that they're clearly trying. it'd be enough, and i think it would make for some compelling storylines. and once that's done, why not introduce some new challenges? why stick to the same tried-and-true approach? sure, it worked in the past, but that absolutely does not mean it's still the best option moving forward.

and don't get me even started on henren—or on CHIMNEY. who's chimney outside of being maddie's husband, jee's father and a paramedic? because i don't think even the writers know. that's why he's missing for like six episodes in season 5. maddie's gone, and suddenly no one knows what to do with him anymore, so they just write him off.

and when it so happens that chimney, maddie, eddie do get individual storylines, they’re always tied to the same past we’ve already revisited a thousand times. i get that it’s part of who they are, obviously, but is that really all there is to those characters? how about creating something new for them to go through and then exploring the repercussions of that instead? not just pretending the arc is over and leaving the consequences behind? seriously, is it really that hard?

[theawesometrinculo]

Significance of The Heart Sutra in Blue Eye Samurai

The Heart of Prajna Paramita Sutra is a very popular sutra in Buddhism. Even today, millions of people recite and copy this sutra. The text might be short, but it's quite dense. While I don't really understand this sutra myself, I'll try my best to get across the main idea of this text.

"The body is emptiness and emptiness body. All things are only empty. Nothing is born. Nothing broken."

While this line is not exactly what the sutra says, it does a good job of getting the episode's message across, in that Mizu realizes that the things she thought held her back were actually what made her whole.

The Heart Sutra is an exhortation towards Bodhi, Enlightenment, Perfection. Mahayana Buddhists believe that everyone has an innate buddha-nature, which points to our potentiality of becoming buddhas. This buddha-nature is said to be be pure, whole, and complete, yet it is also empty, meaning that it doesn't have a substantiated self or ego. To make this easier to understand, this would be opposed to Christianity where everyone is born with sin and guilt and strives to be morally pure. Because the buddha-nature is empty, the dichotomy of good and bad isn't a "thing", so to say. That doesn't mean that they don't exist or that we shouldn't continue helping others, but instead the idea of them are just notions we attach to and what we use to judge ourselves and others.

The Sixth Patriarch of Zen Buddhism said, "Affliction is Bodhi." They are two sides of the same coin. I think this quote encapsulates Mizu in this episode. Mizu might not find peace through revenge, but she definitely found some semblance of it reforging her sword.

When making swords, Eiji emphasized that while you have to hammer out the impurities, the impurities are actually what makes the blade strong. If the metal is too pure, it will become brittle and break. However, just because it broke, doesn't mean it can't be meld again. "Affliction is Bodhi" points to the ability to transform what causes pain into clarity and peace. A common analogy used is ice turning into water. Mizu held tightly to anger and hate, making her cold and distant. But with the help of Eiji and Ringo, she stopped running away from the things she hated about herself.

Finding peace requires courage and vulnerability. It requires us to confront the things that we are ashamed of and the things that we fear. After her talk with Eiji, Mizu starts a new fire, undoes her hair, and sheds her male attire. Throughout her whole life, Mizu felt inadequate and broken for being mixed and being born a girl. Now she sees things as they are, no longer rejecting that side of herself. She becomes more open, and even asks Ringo to help her finish writing the Heart Sutra on her body.

"There are some things I cannot do alone."

"The body is emptiness and emptiness body. All things are only empty. Nothing is born. Nothing broken."

Going back to this line, I need you to repeat after me: Emptiness is not the void! Emptiness holds all things, and all things are within emptiness, and therefore is the source of it all. It speaks to the interconnectedness of all things. Emptiness has always been there, whole and complete. Mizu realizes that she is whole and complete, because she is not alone. And so, nothing is born, nothing dies, nothing is broken.

[platypotoo]

I started watching the show assuming (from pictures and such) that Sydney and C*rmy are the main couple. I didn't even know Richie existed.

But having finished the second season just now, I can't feel anything romantic between Syd and C*rmy. I expected to like them together, even to ship them at least a little. But I just don't.

Syd and Richie on the other hand? Wow.

In season 1, where they absolutely hate each other most of the time, their interactions are already so meaningful:

- The first time that we as viewers see Richie be vulnerable, Syd sees it too.

- His worry whether she is okay after the gunshots. Should be normal between colleagues, but... they used to dislike each other so much...

- When Syd resolves the fight between the gangsters, Richie looks at her in irritation, but also almost... awe? It also makes him actively change at this point already, actively change himself and how he sees certain things.

It's really a testament to the writing of this show, to the complexity of its characters that Richie is such a scumbag in season 1, in some ways saying exactly what you'd expect a guy like him to say, yet he could have been so much worse. He never crosses a certain line. And then in season 2, he becomes so much better.

Their interactions kind of hit me like a freight train - completely unexpected, raw, realistic, extremely emotional, almost forceful.

Thematically, too. The very new one and one of the oldest. At the beginning: always at each other's throats. Fighting, pulling, pushing. Is it possible that they might find peace with each other? Find even more?

The structure of season 2 had the main cast interact less, and since Syd and C*rmy were the ones working most closely together, I was sure that the strange vibes I got between her and Richie would disappear in favour of Syd/C*rmy. But except for the table scene (which I just didn’t read as romantic, more a continuation of Syd's personal arc), there were very few meaningful scenes between Syd and C*rmy.

There weren't many big scenes between Syd and Richie either, but... nobody really expected them to. However, we did get two scenes of weird awkwardness, like they didn’t know how to behave around each other without fighting. (her jumping away when nearly bumping into him! Their weird interaction when she's seeing him in a suit for the first time! "You smell good"?! Wtf? Ultimately it probably means nothing but I can't stop thinking about it!!) And of course the one scene in the last episode, when they are more than amicable colleagues - they are the perfect team without ever training together, same focus, same drive to make things exactly as they should be, helping each other, supporting each other and being impressed by each other.

It's just so weird how Sydrichie completely surprised me. I wouldn't even call it only "chemistry" or something. It's their entire dynamic, the way they made each other madly, almost exaggeratedly emotional in season 1, then went on parallel paths apart from each other - did some soul searching, improved themselves - and ended up as this weirdly perfect force together. I never expected it. I've never seen anything like it.

Right now, I think there's a 50:50 chance that in canon nobody of The Be*r's staff gets romantically involved, or that Syd gets together with M*rcus. No other option is realistic. But I'll be thinking about her with Richie for a good long while.