#i never wouldve wanted to appropriate anything

[achillvs]

spectrum diagnosis update: my therapist said it's real sketchy and they really measured me by an autistic child's standard and that according to her, after around 30 hours of work with me (vs the 4 ish i got in a diagnosis centre) i am on the spectrum, so unless i really need a doctor's signature under it for sth (i don't currently) that's that

[retroaria]

hiiii >.< i saw ur event and RAN to make a request... could i request the dialogue “I do love you, you know…even if i’m shit at showing it.” with rinnie (i wouldve chosen him even if u didnt ask for it because it fits him SO well and i love him dearly) with a fem reader?? i hope i understood everything right and thank u in advance!!!!! take care (⁠ ⁠/⁠^⁠ω⁠^⁠)⁠/⁠♪⁠♪

yaaaay rin brainrot!!! thank you sm for requesting!! :)

⋆.˚⟡ Rin Itoshi x fem!reader ⋆.˚⟡

a/n: so many people requested this one! this is very soft and fluffy, i hope you all enjoy :)

˗ˏˋ written for aria’s 1.5k follower event! ˎˊ˗

“Do I remind him? I feel like I shouldn’t have to but I also feel like he just isn’t the type to care about superficial things so maybe I should just-” you were cut off by a rather striking groan on the other end of the line.

“For the love of god, just tell him! He probably doesn’t even know it’s something you’d get so worked up about.” your best friend protested to you over the phone. “What’s the worst that’ll happen? If he feels bad then good, he should be a better boyfriend. And if he gets mad then RUN!”

“Oh my god you’re so dramatic, neither of those will happen. We’re both off today so I’m not gonna say anything, I just want to enjoy my day with him and not make it a big deal.” you sighed out, trying to be content despite the subtle stab to your heart. “I’ll text you later ok? Byeee!”

As soon as you hung up the phone you found yourself prancing out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, your eyes falling on the subtly slouched figure of your boyfriend standing over the kitchen counter. He was making a smoothie as he does every morning - strawberry, banana, protein powder - average boring Rin activities, unfortunately not appropriate for today’s occasion.

You’ve skillfully avoided much interaction with him since you both got out of bed, and at this moment you realized you aren’t sure if you could enter a normal conversation with him in your frantic state. Instead of blurting out the first thing that came to your mind which was, “TODAY IS KIND OF OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY AND YOU TOTALLY HAVEN’T SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT SO I FEEL LIKE MAYBE YOU HATE ME!”, you decided to go with something casual, so you say, “Mmm, protein powder”

“What…?” Rin turns around to face you and raises his eyebrow at you, looking more concerned than confused. It quickly dawned upon you that you were in fact not looking or sounding cool, calm and collected right now.

“It uh…looks like a yummy smoothie!” you hoped deep down that your girlish charms could save you from deepening the awkwardness of an awkward situation with the most awkward guy you know. You twirl around on your feet a bit with your hands behind your back, flashing him a warm smile.

“Are you having a stroke?” Rin asks, and he’s being fully serious by the way. Was everything impossible with this guy? You begin to ask yourself how you’ve managed to survive a full year of his cluelessness, but then you remember you should probably respond before he actually thinks you’re having a stroke.

“No Rin I’m not having a stroke I'm just trying to start a conversation, jeez.” you snap at him with an attitude that must’ve come from the punch of him not falling for your attempt at cute girlie gestures. Rin sighs and turns his attention back to the blender. Great, now you’re sitting in the kitchen with him in silence except the blender is obnoxiously loud which somehow makes it all the more awkward. Finally it stops and he pours the smoothie out into two cups, setting one down on the table in front of you as he leans back against the counter with his in hand.

Two cups? He never does that. Is this his way of showing he remembered? Is this one of many sweet little gestures he’ll deliver to you throughout the day before the big anniversary surprise? Your wishful thinking is practically bulldozed as Rin opens his mouth.

“There’s something wrong and you aren’t telling me.” he states, his deadpan expression felt like it was slicing you up into little pieces. Rin knew you well enough to know that you were holding out on him, and he was having a silent little panic attack of his own at the moment.

“Nope! Nothing, what could possibly be wrong?” you said nervously. A part of you knew that you could hide your feelings better than this, but the thought that he might pickup on your feelings and somehow read your mind kept you on your toes.

“Was I supposed to take you somewhere today?” he asks, tilting his head at you slightly.

“Like I said, it’s nothing!” you chuckle, it’s a weird chuckle though, definitely not soothing Rin’s worries at all.

He flashes you an odd look, his eyes are narrowed and he’s pouting slightly, almost like he literally is trying to read your mind. He chugs the rest of his smoothie and makes his way over to you. His expression turns back to his usual plain face and he lifts your chin slightly before placing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I’m going to the gym ok? I’ll be back in a few hours and then we can hang out, I promise.” he coos at you before grabbing his jacket and heading out the door.

He left before giving you anymore time to embarrass yourself with your incomprehensible ramblings - he’s a smart boy. That sweet moment coupled with the promise of quality time together was almost enough to make you forget whatever grudge you were holding against him. However, it wasn’t enough to fight off how shitty it feels to not have your boyfriend there on your anniversary.

You spent the next two hours frantically preparing yourself for Rin’s return. Rin spent the next two hours not going to the gym and driving around aimlessly because he totally lied about that as an excuse to think of a way to make it up to you. While he was blending his smoothie before, he let his eyes wander to the calendar you had hanging on your fridge door - today’s date was highlighted with little green heart. The pieces clicked in his head rather quickly, and instead of speaking up and saving you from your nervous ramblings, he took the opportunity to think up a surprise.

Rin is awful at surprises, not to mention he also isn’t the most creative guy. He ultimately decided it was pointless for him to think so hard about it when he could just go home and apologize. He swallowed his pride and stopped at a flower shop before making his way back, after all, who better to help him decide how the day should be spent than his partner in crime - you!

By the time you heard the front door of your apartment open you were barely half dressed and still losing your mind a bit. Somehow Rin’s two hour gym session turned into forty five minutes and your anxiety was at an all time high. You threw on the closest pieces of clothing you could find and walked out of your bedroom to see him standing in the hallway with a bouquet of flowers and a rather pouty look on his face.

“Hey…so uh, I saw the calendar before…I know I kind of forgot about our anniversary…and uh…I'm really sorry.” he said as he held the bouquet out towards you. His hand rubbed the back of his neck as he avoided your gaze. You took the flowers from his hands and let out a sigh of relief.

“I was so worried all morning you wouldn’t remember.” you said as you smelled the flowers with a content smile on your face.

“I was so worried you were going to kill me for forgetting.” Rin looked down at you, his pout still lingering as he relaxed a bit, seeing you weren’t so upset with him. “This is just the first year you know, I’ll have like fifty more chances to remember after this.” he chuckled.

“You think we’ll be together for that long?” your eyes widened and you beamed up at him.

“probably.” he said slyly, taking the bouquet from your hands and setting it on the table. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you flush against him, his hands moving up to cup your face softly. “I do love you, you know…even if I'm shit at showing it.”

“I know, I love you too.” you cooed at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a tender kiss.

dividers by: @toastray

[lunarmoves]

Man, when I wrote that ask, I thought Sun’s reaction would be along the lines of ‘feeling betrayed and angry over his favourite human’s perceived abandonment of him, either doing his best to right them off or creepily tracking them down to confront them and maybe even forcing them somehow to never leave him again,’ or even ‘realizing how he had been treating y/n was hurting them and he wants to fix it.’ Starting a whole robot apocalypse hadn’t occurred to me.

When reading a few of your previous drapples from before this Bleeding Wires au all started, I had imagined that Sun was somewhat already aware of his feelings for y/n and that he cared for them, but he didn't know how to express that without his grim thoughts and tensely charged anger getting in the way. Most interactions were usually friendly, but y/n had come to believe that those weren't really genuine considering all the occasions of hostility Sun shown to them. This idea greatly contrasts though in how you explain that Sun only begins to understand his feelings for y/n long after the uprising.

Now that he has y/n, will Sun be able to realize why they are scared of him? And why they left the pizzaplex in the first place? Will he be able to recognize the part he did in making them feel this way? Or is that amount of empathy still out of his reach?

TO BE FAIR i didn’t expect it to segue into a robot apocalypse either LOL. id been throwing out small ideas and answering asks abt a sun who believes in robot superiority beforehand and i guess my brain just connected it at an instance where it saw an apocalypse could be started?? i think it was just heavily on my mind beforehand ngl. i do plan on answering an ask i received about what wouldve happened if the apocalypse aspect was cut completely LMAO

i WILL say tho that yeah, a lot of my drabbles before bleeding wires was started DO involve a sun who is more accepting of his feelings. and that’s because i like writing multiple versions of sun LMAO. you’ve nailed that sun completely correctly! those drabbles are not related to bleeding wires bc the sun in them does not have a superiority complex. he’s more… aware that he is a robot, afraid of being replaced should he be found broken, slightly unhinged, and waaay friendlier. all the relevant asks and writings to ‘bleeding wires’ (aka where sun has that robot superiority complex) should be tagged accordingly! anything outside of that involves different flavors of sun that i like to play around with c: like— i have definitely written nice sun before LOL, one who isn’t unhinged in the slightest, bc i do like that version of him as well. it can get confusing keeping track of it all, so i apologize if things get mixed up or if i say stuff that doesn’t align ! i’ll go back and double check tht everything is tagged appropriately. and maybe ill make a masterpost sorting out the different sun types LMFAO (i.e. nice yet sarcastic sun, nice yet unhinged sun, robot superiority sun, etc)

back to bleeding wires— in arc2 i like to imagine that sun gets better with emotions to the point where he IS able to empathize to an extent. at some instance, him and reader will have a conversation about why you left, bc that’s something sun has thought about a lot, and he’s definitely not going to let you off the hook in terms of answering him. in that conversation, you will for sure talk about the issues you had/have with him. because explaining to him why you left would involve you mentioning that you thought he didn’t like you. that now you are scared of him and what he has done.

and by then sun has seen his fair side of fear and anger and stuff in humans, making him able to better identify such emotions. and he knows he has caused it all. so he will be able to look at himself in the mirror and think about how he may be seen to others and why, precisely, you are so frightened of him. while he definitely won’t be the best at empathy at the start, he’ll learn—as his AI was designed to do. just… he’ll learn a little bit too late

[csaventing]

when i was 12 a man at my school wouldnt leave me alone. he gave me a bad feeling and i was cautious around him but i was the only one who noticed. he would hold the door since my bus got to school late and gave us jolly ranchers. he gave me a noticeable amount more than other people (think 4:1 kinda thing) and he would take up more and more of the doorway until i had to touch him to go through. he would move closer everyday but only for me. he also asked if i was an esk!mo since i took off my coat on the bus and it was december. he did a similar thing in the hall before fifth hour where he started by standing in the center of the hall, and wouldnt leave until i made eye contact with him so he knew i knew he was there. everyday he would stand a little closer until the last day (december 16th, it was a thursday) when he was less than a foot away and i started to inch away, but he kept inching closer. i knew that if he wanted to he could have done anything and i probably wouldnt have stopped him. i probably would have frozen. if we had been alone he probably wouldve raped me. i always feel like i am overreacting for how much this affected me. i was never touched, but i couldnt look my dad in the eye for a year. i couldnt hug my uncle for three years. i feel like this isnt enough for me to be affected this way, i feel like it should have been more so i am justified. maybe something did happen that i just blocked out. i had a panic attack from sitting next to a guy in class. i cant look at my male teachers without feeling like i am asking to be raped. i have to have a friend go with me to talk to my teachers. a jolly rancher gave me a panic attack once. do you think this was enough for me to be affected this way? do you think this counts as sa?

This definitely doesn’t sound appropriate of your teacher and sounds like enough for you to be affected this way. I think this counts as grooming which is a form of CSA.

[scentofpines]

long ass text

yesterday was one of those days where i felt like the whole world really did conspire against me. when i was at the train station i heard someone call my name and it turned out to be the girl from the welcome event last week that i got along with really well but hadnt seen since and guess why?? she switched programs. to ECONOMICS :| and we were on the train together for 30 minutes and usually that wouldve killed me to do with someone i dont know well but we were really vibing and this makes me so fucking mad, i was really looking forward to having courses with her :(

then i had a seminar (the one abt women and gender history) and it sucked. the lecturer seemed nice (albeit in a bit of a manic way) but the thing is a) half of the seminar will be reading this AWFUL book about basically the history of gender history/philosophy which i tried to force myself to read a few weeks ago and gave up after 40 pages bc i didnt get ANYTHING. and she said repeatedly how well written and understandable that book is :))) and b) even though i asked her via mail before i signed up for the course what the exam will look like and she said its a written one now she came out and said we will have to do a book presentation. and, like a normal presentation would be bad enough but doable but a book presentation?? presenting a modern scientific book about a topic instead of just presenting the topic itself seems so fucking useless to me????? i think i will drop out of this course and do a lecture abt prehistoric drugs instead bc i genuinely dont have the energy for weirdly structured stupid classes anymore.

today we were SUPPOSED to have a lecture about greek archaeology and the dude who was supposed to do it just didnt fucking show up???? we waited for 50 minutes and then just left lmao. i just looooveeed taking a stinky, 3 hour long (there and back again) train ride for nothing.

but at least i got to know two girls i guess. i already chatted with one of them on whatsapp and we talked about ukrainian/russian folk music which she also likes lol and i complimented her name, which is kinda arrogant bc i have the same one lmao just spelled differently bc hers is transcribed from ukrainian. and then she complimented mine back lol. so she seemed pretty nice and the other girl too, buttttt they are...idk extremely girly girlypop perfectly styled girls and i always feel soooo weird and out of place with women like that.

oh god and at one point they both said that they were "for real on the spectrum". bro. BRO. i have literally NEVER seen more well adjusted women who had ZERO issue conversing in this full loud ass room for 50 mins straight, who also had customer service jobs that they can do with basically no issue and that were completely chill just randomly chatting with ppl they dont know well. YOU ARE NOT FUCKING AUTISTIC. YES I TAKE THIS LABEL AWAY FROM YOU. ITS NOT YOURS. MY LEFT ASS CHEEK IS MORE AUTISTIC THAN BOTH OF YOU COMBINED but i still dont go around telling ppl im on this fucking "sPeCtRuM". this term has become so meaningless. i cant imagine how absolutely awful actually autistic ppl have to feel with everyone nowadays basically appropriating their (often) life ruining disorder if i already feel like shit. i know ppl dont mean it like that but it feels so mocking.

and tomorrow i have to get up at 6:30am and drive there again and i will probably get my presentation topic for this other course. but at least i will be back home at 1pm and then i wont have to go to uni for friday and the weekend. its only week 2 and i already feel so awful. oh and btw i fucking miss my fav professor so much it hurts, i know men are evil blabla but i have insane father hunger sometimes (i think thats what its called) and my god. would i do anthing for him to be my father. and then i see my actual father and i just want to throw up and kill either him or myself. genuinely my prof has shown me more loving consideration than my father in the last 15+ years. ok now you know the depths of my pathetic soul if you read this far congrattssss and goodnight

[tinylittlecubby]

In this moment taking the exam i feel like shit and I want to sleep for 72 hours. I will update after exam. My goal: answer all of the multiple choice questions and leave asap

Edit 1: I should've I should've I should've I should've I should've. But also abi had to transfer because of fail son behaviour soooooooo

Edit 2: FFUUUCCKKK THERE ARE NO MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTIONS FUCK

Edit 3: Okay i am definetely having this be my last lie and saying that the test was closed book because fuck

Edit 4: Okay I reeeaallllyyy need to talk in therapy with my occupational therapist about my hangups with education because this test is not that bad and i should be able to answer all of these questions and i WOULD be able to if I did the work appropriately and didnt fuck around because of a fear of having panic attacks(????? i genuinely do not know what it is like is educational trauma really a thing i have no clue)))) at least ive seen the full test now and know what to expect the next time i take it but damn yea this has been eye opening and im happy that i showed up and answered some of the questions and the fact that it was open book like i wouldve bodied this exam if i studied for it and handed in all of my assignments as well like FUCK!!!!! whatever whatever whatever like not whatever as in im not going to take it seriously but like whatever in the sense that what is done is done (the teacher even gave today to be the last day to hand in assignments and if i knew that much much earlier i wouldve definetely done that but no i didnt email the teacher or anything i just dropped everything out of my hands as usual) i guess fucking 4th time is the charm but i cant be hanging out with v as much as i do anymore and i need to be out of the house to get work done and that fucking guy needs to leave me alone at school and i need to be focused and go to every class and harass the teachers and study study study study and manage time better and get a proper amount of sleep every single night and never cram and TIME MANAGEMENT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GAWD.

Edit 5: Okay so after some googling to waste time during this exam i have learned that the learning process is usually emotionally and mentally painful and that is normal. i also reinforced my hatred for late diagnosed adhd people and gifted kids, how are there so many gifted kids, if everyone is gifted no one is????????

Edit 6: Im so sleepy i feel like im going to pass out i cant wait until 7:30pm FUCK

[bunnypopgal]

Morality Bites

Since my last post ive been having to deal with of course more flashbacks with panic attacks that last longer than i think should be possible in humans. Most of the flashbacks are from back when i was in high school. i had to deal with a lot of homophobia and just a lot of overall bullying from my dear classmates.

Like when i would ask one of my nice classmates to tell me more about his old tech collection my other classmates ran around telling each other that i was bullying him and calling him names. Every time he would stand up to them when they tried to "comfort" him (they just wanted to talk shit about me to anyone). That was super out of his comfort zone and im still very grateful for both him telling me what was going on and him standing up for honestly the both of us. This kinda thing would happen a lot and i mean a lot. So much so that even the super quiet kids in school began to openly insult me about things i would never do. Then i would go home and get treated the same by my biological mother. I hate being "back" in that place in my life. No matter how much i would stand up for myself everything would be twisted against me over and over again so much that people would often just assume most if not all those things about me had to be the real truth. To be fair i think it didnt help i never explained my morals set fully. i never thought to at the time and now im not sure if it wouldve even changed anything at all. Everything i believe in my moral set is pretty understandable but im not sure how it looks to others looking back. my moral set is mine tho. i never would force ANYONE to adhere to it just because they dont live the same way but i would tell them i disapprove, why and that if we dont see eye to eye on this THATS FINE(depending) BUUUT that also meanings i would rather not be close/friends anymore and just be more polite acquaintances(now that im adult i can tell people to fuck off nowadays! yahoo!!)

heres the large bulk of my moral set:

i am against discrimination based on sexuality, gender, ethnicity, heritage, and non-hateful religious followers. 

i am against child abuse, child neglect, DV, SA and theres NO excuse for any of it. Monsters who do these acts are monsters and theres no going back from that.

i am against cruelty, excessive) selfishness + selflessness(these things must be in a good balance), bullying, cheating, lying (unless its a life or death situation), people refusing self-improvement/growth, being disingenuous/fake.

Kindness is a gift. Be kind, be understanding but be rational because there will always be people who want to abuse others' kindness.Its a gift you have to give to YOURSELF first so that you will also have enough to be able to share with others. Being kind includes setting appropriate boundaries, being assertive and clear, letting yourself BE HUMAN.

If you see a chance to help someone no matter how small it may seem at first it DOES matter. 

When you make a mistake you do your best to right your wrong because youre yourself during your best and your worst times so make sure you can be proud of yourself even in the worst times. Mistakes are opportunities to grow and learn- take them!!! 

Life is short but also long- keeping/finding good mental health is a must, being able to be yourself is a must- never live a lie, you want something you work for it- passion is a wonderful tool, surround yourself with like-minded people but don't be afraid to be open to others- you may learn something new!

im only 23 rn but i feel ive learned a lot in my lifetime and im also know i have so much more ahead of me. i know some of these maybe hard for other people and it may feel lonely at times but for me thats okie. i dont preach or force these things on other people, mind you. i believe if someone truly wants to change, grow into living with this kinda moral set and sticking to it they need to find their reasons themselves. we're all on our own journeys.

Anyways most of my life i have found everyone around me has often just expected the worst of me in every situation and treated me as if i am evil in human form no matter what was proven. i dont live to make others like me so i do my best to stand up for myself but if they dont believe me or not care enough to think of me even neutrally now- thats fine with me. i just dont want to be treated poorly. i will never understand excessive cruelty that has been done to me. i dont know what they tell themselves at night to justify it all. it makes me feel scared since i feel like if any of them got the chance to be cruel to me once again none of them would flinch to do so. i understand i maybe cringe and annoying but i like myself, who i am and who i am always working on growing to be. im not gonna change for people who dont care about me as even a fellow human. i just wish and hope they ever hear or see my name or face anywhere its because my comic im currently working on made it big!

Before i close this post off i would like to say i understand my demeanour and overall hopefulness maybe seen like just plain ol' naivety and ill be honest maybe it is but i am passionate and i am determined to never give up, to use this life for all its got and do my part to make the world even just a little kinder. If that makes me seem stupid to you then i wonder what does "stupid" even mean to you.

"There's a difference only you can make." - Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses

[tujhse-raabta]

WHAT THE FYCK

11 DOLLARS FOR A FUCKINH DIP?????????????? FROK THAT WEIRD SPINY ASS GREEN THING????????????

TWENTY BUCKS FOR PASTA PH MY GOD SWEET WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THE MOST EXPENSICE PASTA IVE HAD IN MY LIFE WAS LIKE. TEN DOLLARS????? LESS ACTUALLY IS YOUR GREAT WOLF THE GREATEST PLACE TO EAT IN HISTORY

also six dollars for mash potato as a SIDE??????? 6 into 80 so 480 inr for fucking abused potato oh god

IM AFRAID TO LOOK AT THOSE BURGERS DO YOU GET YOUR BREAD FROM WHAT. DEMETER'S GRAINS? IS THERE GOLD LEAF ON THEM????

I've never had beef or turkey before so idk how much those are supposed to cost but REST ASSURED IF BEEF WAS ANYTHING LIKE THAT I THINK MY DAD WOULDVE TURNED VEGETARIAN

HAS ANYONE IN THE HISTORY OF YOUR JOB EVER PAID THAT MICH FOR A SALAD. A SALAD. YOU WANT CAESAR SALAD STAB THAT MOTHERFUCKING CROUTON DONT PAY 15 BUCKS I BET THEY DONT EVEN STAB IT THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF TIMES

in short I am offering you this run away with me your economy needs help

@tujhse-raabta this is our new menu. cower in fear at american prices

[yuyunderground]

she did it y'all she completely shit all over it

* spoilers *

not even after a week or a day noo just right after he got out he gave his mother a speech about his love for minho?.. weren't the one saying you don't want to see his face ever again?... k. just like that he said all this stuff in ch36 in hopes that minho cuts him and tells him how much he needs him? like seeing how his mom acts with him it makes sense but what doesn't how he's so oblivious about everything he's done... truly so gross(I get that it's prob from his mom abuse thats why he doesn't apologize when he hits him but his mom surely didn't rape him)

then comes minho poor minho he rly doesn't deserve what author is doing with his character she makes him regrets which is great then makes other single decisions he makes either good or bad flips so heinously on him resulting in giving him more truma and after all that when he leaves he still so impacted by past insecurities? I thought we were well past that? ( so author did all this for what👀) that he's so convinced noone will ever like him and even still pretty much suicidal. he also tells wk that he's the 5th most important person in his life like who's the other 4? did I miss sum? fr who? duna who raped u? or your dad who neglected and disowned u? taijoo who pretty much only cares about money? the only appropriate person will be the fat guy but again they all don't want anything to do with u so why put them author???they are so obsessed with the past its scary(I also get that things like deep rooted trauma & inscurites and suicidal ideals don't just go away like that and need professional help but therapy pretty much is nonexistental in sb and she made minho go thro disgusting shit to essentially makes him go past what he did in the past but nope it's all to no avail)

there's so much I wouldve love the menhwa to go thru like again minho's backstory more of wk's too especially about the sa part in high school that author didn't bother to bring it up again its like she completely forgot about it also wk's scare oh.. and they never even have single consual sex where both of them like it.... like I can't.. I can't

[blxetsi]

armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

[madisonrooney]

jersey boys weekend was....insane. which like obvs i expected but it was far more insane than i couldve predicted in the best possible way. more under the cut.

i think imma just let out a stream of consciousness that ill keep chronological as best i can

- its always hard to say if ill cry or not cuz sometimes i do sometimes i dont even with really really special things. admittedly, i was even more vulnernable bc when we got in friday night, there was an issue with our tix. they were supposed to be in the pit but the pit had been removed bc of covid. they had called me last june about changing my pit tix for saturday matinee but never addressed friday even tho they knew i had tix for multiple shows. given that was last june, naturally i forgot about it, so i never reached out to them or anything. so they just had to....find other seats for us. i was really confused and not sure if we were gonna get moved or something. admittedly tho, that still counts as “emotions being impacted by jersey boys” so. hey. but i was definitely also vulnerable out of excitement, i was feeling that all day.

anyway. yah. i fucking sobbed when ces soirees la started, even into silhouettes. like not just tears streaming down my face but like vocal, guttural sobbing. which admittedly isnt that appropriate in a theater, thats more of a concert thing, but i couldnt control myself. regardless it was euphoric. you have no idea how many times i have envisioned that moment in my head for the last TWO YEARS. it may have been slightly disrupted and i was a bit distracted, but i was definitely still able to be present in the moment to some extent.

- every. last. second. not only was just so perfectly written, paced, and acted, but felt so connected to who i am and what i love. not to say i didnt already know i felt that way about the show, but it had been so long. nearly twice as long as the longest id gone without seeing the show before (since i fell in love with it that is). not to mention weve all changed a lot over the last 2 years and im sure most can say they hold the things they love to an even higher value now, especially if those were things they couldn’t experience during quarantine.

- there was new dialogue between frankie and mary?? about knowing each other in high school?? not sure when that was added or why but my mom and i looked at each other like ???? that HAS to be really new cuz i listen to the jersey boys podcast and they havent mentioned it, and i feel like they would if they knew about it

- frankie valli is a short king. dont know how ive never said this before.

- gyp had a really good my mothers eyes cry and i grade gyps on that lol

- im starting to realize that i go ape is kind of a bop. is that bad.

- my dad came to saturday matinee. he hadnt seen the show before, id shown him the movie twice but he couldnt get that into it. but i think it finally clicked. i didnt get my hopes too high, i was sure enough he wouldnt hate it but if he just liked it ok that wouldve been enough. but he kept saying it was “awesome.” i heard him laughing at a number of jokes and i know he loved the music. he had to leave right after so i havent gotten much time to hear all of his thoughts but im def gonna call him soon to hear more.

- OKAY so after saturday matinee, we went to the stage door cuz i wanted pics with the tour buses. turned out, they were just all white but THE CAST WAS THERE. i didnt really know what to do since i know some places discourage stage dooring given the pandemic so i was just like as considerate as i could be but they were super chill, and i got pics with a ton of them + autographs??? normally i rehearse what ill say to actors in my head first and i did a bit leading up to this weekend, but i was pretty sure it wasnt even gonna happen, and in this case, i got no advance notice, i just had to jump right into it. they were just...THERE. so its safe to say i was a bit rambly and probably not saying exactly what i intended too but i also beat myself up too much in those situations a lot. they were all SO nice. i was so so so so happy and excited cuz i mean stage dooring is always exciting and more so for this show but the fact that it happened WHEN I WASNT EVEN EXPECTING IT TO. i was coming unglued looking forward to the show alone and then i got THIS on top of it. i wouldve been over the moon meeting just ONE cast member but i met a TON????

worth noting, one of the people i met was katie goffman who was doves cher understudy in clueless the musical!! i had been excited when she was announced for the touring cast back in late 2019 i think? so im so glad she was still in the cast and that i got to meet her.

i also got to meet kevin patrick martin again who id seen on tour and seen and met at 54 below both in 2018. i remembered him being super nice and he was super nice this time around too. more on him later.

also met the actors who played tommy, joey, crewe, and gyp

- my best friend @wander--meets--world came saturday night, also not having seen the show, just the movie. again, if she just liked it ok, that wouldve been more than enough, i couldnt really say for sure if itd be her thing or not. but she really liked it!! and had so many thoughts to share that we got to talk about at intermission and afterwards!!! over the years, ive had so few people to talk about this show with. i usually just rely on my mom who is great but i cant yknow meme with her fdhgjlkjd. jessica’s familiar with p much all my other main fandoms so we can discuss them, but we hadnt been able to discuss this, which is majorly high on the list. so the fact that we can now makes me sososososo happy.

it was also the first time wed seen each other in person in 2 years?? weve never gone anywhere near that long without seeing each other in the 15 years weve known each other?? and what better thing for us to have been doing than this. we also listened to plastic hearts, went to our fav italian place downtown, went to the 24 hour baskin robbins after the show, and watched cr1tikal in her car. ideal saturday night.

- after that saturday night show, we met a few more cast members, most notably jon hacker who was frankie, who id seen in newsies 7 years ago at the same venue, + as joey at new world stages in 2018, at 54 below a few months later, and then as frankie at new world stages the day after that. met him all those times except when he was joey. i had been so excited that he was a part of the touring cast and im so glad i got to meet him, and we talked for a while! he had such thoughtful responses to everything i had to say. and his poor voice was so gone, he left it all on the floor. (luckily he had a day off today which he deserved lol)

that night, i also met the guy who played nick (who today i realized played gerry when i saw beautiful three years ago and i met him then too lol???) and 2 of the girls who were also super sweet. plus i saw some of the same people from the afternoon again.

- then we had our final matinee this afternoon. we had a different frankie which was very exciting. ofc i love jon but i also love getting to see understudies, especially when youre seeing the show that many times in a row lol. katie was also on and she told me later it was her first time on this year, and i also found out it was her and her husband’s (who plays tommy) first time in the show together!

met that frankie at the stage door plus eric (bob) who id really hoped to meet (he was the only season i hadnt met yet, last piece of the puzzle!) and antonio (barry belson). antonio omgomgomg he was so good in the show so i was so excited to meet him and he gave me a hug??? and i told him like specific inflections of his i liked in the show and he was so touched and impressed that i noticed that??

over the course of making stories and posts on insta, multiple cast members have watched my story, responded to my story, liked my post, commented on my post, and now devon and kevin FOLLOW ME???? HELLO????

im truly just over the moon. again, i knew this weekend would be amazing but SO much more came out of it than i was expecting. like i said, seeing the show was more than enough. even if i only saw it once it wouldve been. but getting to be a crazy superfan and see it so many times was so...validating?? and it was fun to pay attention to more minor details. but then on top of that, the experiences with the cast were remarkable.

it was a little adventure. it felt kind of like the clueless trip (tho i think thatll always take the cake, both for the pure chaos of it all and the unique experience). still, it had the same vibe which felt so good, especially having not felt something like that in so long.

i waited three years for this. eagerly anticipating it to no end and having to deal with it being postponed twice. but it gave me everything i couldve wanted and then some.

rounds 13-16 complete.

[clownkiwi]

my long, long words about nuance that i doubt anyone will read (because wow this is long)

now that ive taken adderall and finally know the words i wanna say (like. ya know when ya wanna know what to say, but u dont know the words to say it with???), i guess i should make this clear. whenever i talk about a creator i don't like, my intention is to never "cancel" them, in the case that everybody thinks cancel culture works.

if anything, i truly dont think cancel culture is real. the names dumb and doesnt capture the nuance of what it really is: "holding people in powerful, high-ranking positions accountable for their abusive actions against others"

like, i truly feel like social media wasnt really designed for nuance like you'd hope it is. you could reblog a post with misinfo and believe its real because "it came with a source" but you never do the research for it, nobody ever wants to hold conversations. social media has come to a point where we just share memes, and thats what i use it for. there really hasnt been room for proper, nuanced discussions about drama that happens online

like, ok, an obvious example that i dont really like talking about: the unfuckable blog. while i was on the high of hearing the initial news and later news, i really didnt think that much about it other than it was hilarious and "just like sonic for real justice"/"sonic for real justice 2". i even posted a sarcastic/joking post about enjoying the drama from the sidelines as it wont affect me personally because im not a part of it.

but, taking a step back, getting off that high and thinking about it, it really isnt nuanced to say its like sonic for real justice because of the tumblr-specific drama that arose from it. if anything, its kinda more like the shitshow that was channel awesome in 2018- and that doesnt make this whole situation better.

with that said, "mod rhys is like doug walker" is not a nuanced take thats open for a healthy discussion. but there are some similarities i've noticed. the mods have left one by one, kinda like how the ccs from channel awesome all left one by one. there were only one person left at the end- in channel awesomes case, larry bundy jr, but only so he could keep the title "the winner of the channel awesome hunger games" (i dont remember if he left yet or is still there???). mod ruby, mainly bc she was petty and her host wasnt able to leave yet. and the fact that these were both real and not staged, not unlike s4rj, which as we all know, was staged.

and to let it be known, heres what i think about unfuckable at the end of the day. not every mod was horrible. mod rhys was a pretty bad leader at all this, leaving tantrums whenever anybody called them out and not responding appropriately enough to any drama, leading to a toxic workplace in the blog. all the other mods hate mod rhys now, i doubt they'll ever wanna confront mod rhys again after this. but mod ruby aint an angel either, as she prolonged getting the blog taken down and didnt help make the whole case better. and then, theres mod ted. which is another case to open up, but i wont go into now. with that said, i dont think anybody that has worked for unfuckable in the past are horrible besides the very specific examples i gave.

and, like i said, i never wanted to cancel the blog as a whole or anyone really. at most, i just want people to know information that are in callout posts and warn people about said specific person on platforms with a huge following. thats it, i never want to be that person thats just waiting for someone i dont even care about to get "cancelled" because i really dont have the creative energy to get all that excited for it. and yes, im making this a general statement because this can be applied for a lot of things im sure people thought i would "cancel", but like i said. i dont think cancel culture truly exists

like, god, if i reached 2k-5k followers, im sure there wouldve been people looking through my eight year archive trying to cancel me for something i did at a young age. like, "ooooo ruby said a slur on a scratch account when she was 10 & didnt know any better" or "ruby had bad takes about trans people at 16". like, i was younger then, i really didnt know any better

but also, im not perfect. im human, im capable of making mistakes, i think we all are. and the first step to fixing mistakes is realizing youve made them. and yes, even during the specific unfuckable debacle, i did not respond appropriately. i thought it was funny because i wasnt apart of it, i joined a server full of people who wanted to talk about it. and like, yea, thats not good, and that doesnt really help my case. and if i'll be honest, i doubt i'll get any responses to this because its very long already and i doubt anyone truly wants to have nuanced discussions on here, and i dont blame them

theres a reason why politics are banned in my streams, and its because. those arent fun or entertaining or enrichening conversations to have while i play a video game. same thing can apply to tumblr drama that shouldve really stayed private and not displayed out into the public, and just discussions about them in general on blog. i doubt people follow me for my takes on internet spaces, amd tbf, id rather not be remembered for making large text posts about internet drama from my phone. these are just ramblings coming from someone who wanted to put it into proper words in a post so nobody would get the wrong idea from me

i doubt i'll write anymore posts like this, but when i do, well, there ya go??? idk, idk what else to say, i'll just post it here and see it get buried under my reblogs of funny memes

[kdramachitchat]

An uprising that created a dystopian Seoul gave birth to a monstrous judge and a live court trial setting.

The Devil Judge episode 1; A Monster Emerges

Episode 1 of The Devil Judge begins in a dystopian Seoul with chaos everywhere in the streets. There’s a unknown plague covering the entire country that made companies fallen and people homeless. The chaos which made the poor lead an arson and acts of terrorism. This created the Gwanghwamun riot and the Social Responsibility Foundation has send out a press conference.

The virus that created the monster

President Heo says a powerful speech. The economic troubles are part of the past. The plague will be forgotten as it’s been resolved by the government. While President Heo speaks this event, the important guests are being introduced: Seo Jeong Hak who is the Chairman of Social Responsibility Foundation, Cha Kyung Hee (Minister Of Justice), Min Yong Shik (Minbo Group Chairman) and Park Duman (Saram Media Chairman). The president also promises to create more jobs and to bring back Korea to the grand country as it was before. We also see on the screen how donations kept on rolling and another character was introduced. Jung Sun Ah (Executive Director of CSR Foundation) commented how the President overreacts whenever a camera is on his face. They know that he’s a clown and the attitude never goes away.

The president adds, they must rectify their law and order. He has passed a bill for a powerful judicial reform which allows the public to participate as jurors. Im not sure if that is such a good idea. Here comes Kang Yohan who is being introduced by the President as a ruthless judge. Judge Kang will preside over the trials and hands out sentences in a live television setting. Here comes the judge who exudes with much charisma and suave. Alot of concerned questions were raised like how the live broadcast is a anti-humanitarian act and it’s only for show. Another comment was mentioned that Judge Kang punishes too severely and are inconsiderate of the weak. Judge Kang interrupts and asks “Who’s weak?”.  The journalist made a sample of the disadvantage but he retaliates that they are still the defendants. He mentions that he doesnt care if there’s a powerful person or not. Another journalist asked if he can hand down a hefty sentence on a defendant for the live show. A sample was made with Chairman Joo Il Do, who is known for being well connected. He then makes a statement saying “I am power!” and how he exercises the judicial power that was delegate to him and who is above him (the public). He then ends his speech which made many people impressed especially the President and the Minister of Justice. After the speech, Sun Ah congratulates him for the sexy power he has and the rest of the influential people stares at him.

Kim Gaon

We see another character who Kim Gaon using a public transportation watching the speech of Kang Yohan about to go to The Supreme Court. He then enters the office of Chief Justice Min Jungho who is apparently his former Professor. Gaon and Jungho discusses the live program which made Gaon question Yohan and his intentions. Jungho describes Yohan as no ordinary judge. He is a revolutionist who will eradicate court corruption. He is the nation’s only hope.This made Gaon realize that Yohan is extremely popular. As the riots dies down Jungho compares Yohan as a monster that emerges from turbulent times due to the absurb bills he keeps on passing. Yohan doesnt thinks more of a politician, politician for the people. Gaon realizes how Chief Jungho has a dislike with Yohan and asks why he wants him to be part of the live show. Jungho wants Gaon to observe Yohan and compares himself to Judas.

Gaon and Yohan finally meets at Yohan’s office. When Gaon left, Yohan opened his personal information file with a picture of his parents an a article title “We Just Wanted To Do A Good Deed”, “Conned Restaurant Owner Couple Kills Themselves”. He makes a comment on how he looks just like the father. I wonder if Yohan has met the parents before and if he has anything to do with them being dead.

Gaon enters to his office and we’re introduced with Oh Jinjoo (Associate Judge). They both introduced themselves and Jinjoo made a comment about Gaon’s smile. She mentions how he looks good when he smiles and realizes that there’s a criteria on picking judges base on their visuals. Being charming enough creates power.

Bus incident 

As Gaon leaves, we see a group of young students crossing with their teacher. There’s also a incoming bus that is speeding and out of control and is about to enter the Supreme Court entrance. This prompts Gaon to be alert as he sees a young girl about to get hit and covers to protect her. While he does, Yohan was seen shooting the bus driver which made the bus topple. The bus is about to explode with the driver still in it. Gaon continues to be a good citizen and saves the driver on time. There’s a news coverage with the important members of the live show watching. The coverage mentions a arrest warrant for the chairman of JU Chemical Joo Il Do (who was at the presscon) was suspended and the kindergarten driver is connected as a act of protest. The Ministry of Justice says to the President that its a challenge to the authority but SongA responses and says its a outcry. CEO Joo created an incident leak of toxic waste water. Another comment was raised that the many of the public are still out of work and the government can’t collect taxes. If they dont solve this, another revolt would break out. They move on to the live show and asked the Saram Media Chairman how the process is doing. The president mentions that Yohan wanted to do this case personally and makes sure that it goes well.

Gaon sees Yohan leaving and thanks him for saving his life but comments on how Yohan didnt hesitate to shoot. He asked Yohan if he was going to kill the bus driver and Yohan answers back to Gaon with a response like “If i had to?!”. Gaon unsure with his intentions, Yohan counteracts and says if he didnt do anything the bus wouldve continued to spiraled straight. Gaon says that Yohan doesnt care if the bus driver dies or not and makes a calculation stating saving 2 is better than 1.

1st case preparation

There’s a meeting discussing what case they’ll do for the first live show. Yohan wants to take on the JU Chemical case as his first states that it’s a appropriate case and is confident that he’ll go by the law. Yohan makes it clear that its not the people’s court and just wants to make the trials transparent.

Chairman Joo and his lawyer discusses before the first trial. They talk about how hard it is to get clear evidence related to environmental issues. Since itll be difficult to find evidence they’ll plead not guilty. If things turned not well, the judge will charge them with professional negligence resulting death which will lead to 5 years imprisonment. Chairman Joo asks if he can trust the lawyer and says that he will.

Gaon and Jungho talks privately. Jungho asks why Yohan wants the toxic waste case to be his first. Gaon answers the obvious. Jungho also added that Chairman Joo is the biggest donator of the Social Responsibility Foundation. The reason why Yohan is there is because of the Foundation and the Ministry of Justice being his back support. Jungho thinks he has a ulterior motive, despite being in a awkward situation and yet still took the case. Ji Yoonsik and Yohan discusses the bus incident. Ji tells Yohan that he doesnt want to create a scandal and thinks the incident is carelessness but Yohan mentions that its noise marketing (since the incident is related to Chairman Joo). I assume that Yohan only cares for his status and following the law without caring how it affects others.

Gaon makes a comment that the 3 year old is a daughter of the bus driver is part of one of the many deceased related to the JU Chemical Case. The grandmother committed suicide over the case. Gaon internally looks frustrated after Yohan looks like he doesnt care. He says that Yohan rejected Chairman Joo’s warrant and yet want to incarcerate the bus driver.  Yohan mentions that the bus driver was caught on the scene but Gaon talks back and says that they must take the motive into consideration. Yohan says that despite being a victim, does this give them a right to hurt others? Well you have to agree with Yohan on that one though. Gaon then mentions that the bus driver is injured and Yohan says that they have a medical detention center so the issue is solved which lead Gaon to become quiet. Do you think Gaon is putting his emotions over the law?

A news report about the incident broke out that the child named Yu died from the toxic waste water leakage incident of JU Chemical. The grandmother of the child committed suicide. The result of the incident led 11 dead, the rest of the alive victims are receiving treatment.

Gaon and Jungho ate out. Gaon made a private investigation on Cha Kyunghee. During the time Chairman Joo caused trouble as a startup business, Ms. Cha was the person who helped him as a elite Seoul prosecutor. To return the favor when Cha became a assembly woman Chairman Joo is the head of her campaign club. Jungho made a assumption that theyre both helping each other and since Yohan was forced to be part of it, he still wanted to put Joo on a trial. Cha is watching on the sidelines with no objection. What do you think are the intentions of Cha and Joo? It’s not for the good right? Its all speculations for now. They compared the scenario as someone’s first love. Gaon continues to spy on Yohan to find more evidence and puts in spy devices around his office. Yohan almost caught him as he entered the office. Gaon continues to spy and spots Chairman Joo’s lawyer about to enter a restaurant meeting Kang Yohan. Gaon and Jungho meets up after discussing the scenes which makes them even more suspicious over Yohan. They just need to watch him closely at court.

Gaon’s childhood

As Gaon comes home, we are introduced to Soohyun who is a RIT Lietenant who is a childhood friend of his. Soohyun compares the 2 of them and says how the public loves judges with different backgrounds. We learned that Gaon doesnt want to move out as the place reminds him of his parents. Gaon and Soohyun continues to joke around, Soohyun mentions that she has a crush on him but he had rejected her. Gaon didnt want to lose his only best friend.

While Soohyun was doing her rounds, Soohyun hears a woman screaming for help. A highschool student was being attacked on the streets and saves her. This makes Soohyun becoming a likeable character. Ironically a poster above with the caption “A safe Korea will be realized from now on.”. Not so safe yet isnt it?

Ms Jung and Ministry Of Justice meeting

Ms Jung starts the discussion stating that the sponsors are becoming worried with the upcoming trial. The reason why theyre holding the mock trial is to ease the citizen’s anger over criminals. Suspicious to why they put a businessman on trial and if he receives a serious punishment, itll become a negative precedent for the business people. Cha says a rhetorical question if Yohan has ever made a mistake, but he hasnt. Song still adamant and wants the case to be a lighter trial. Asks why Cha is adamant about this being the first case and also mentions that Ms Song has overstepped by being arrogant. Before Jung leaves she commented on how everything from the office to her expensive car was paid by her foundation. Damn, straight fire. I like her. She also adds statistics information that the Ministry of Justice lacks budget and added that her foundation should create more prisons themselves. OMG

The First Live Trial

Before the trial begins, Yohan begins to be reminded of his past with a shadow that looked like Gaon surrounded with fire.

How to watch the trial?

Install the DIKE app, tap the statue and you’re in! While watching the trial 2 buttons will appear: Red button - To be punished and otherwise they can tap the other button. Votes will be collected and visualized in court. The judge will be able to see the people’s opinions and decide easily.

The court case is about a chemical company who caused sewage leak and didnt do any treatment. The water was used by the residents for their daily lives.

Yohan comes a conclusion and decides that there was intent murder. Five years is the maximum. As mentioned during the beginning of the episode, Yohan became a monstrous judge by passing insane bills. One of the bills is about the number of years accumulated for the sentences, based on the victims. To make it more dramatic since its a live tv show, he lowered down the blinds and lights mentioning all the names of the victims. He also mentions that there were 11 dead and 36 disabilities. The case resulted from 5 to 235 years of imprisonment, which equates to a life sentence. Ministry Of Justice watching from behind the tv looked in shock. While Yohan mentions the names the President continues to watches and compliments how Yohan is a true master.

The trial resulted to professional negligence and 235 years of imprisonment. The ratings also were soaring high and the Ministry of Justice is pissed while the President smirks. Yohan speaks to Chairman Joo and wishes him a long life..

HAH.

The live trial ends and a victim’s relative thanks Judge Yohan. While the victim’s relative was crying and hugging Yohan, Yohan was seen yawning as if he was bored. Gaon saw it and continued to stare at him. Yohan stared back acting like a devil. We see a flashback of Yohan handing out a USB and mentions that there will be a flash of the victim’s pictures will be put out during the show. Yohan then smirks at Gaon. The scene fades with Yohan standing facing off with Gaon. A flashback of his tragic past shows him and a look-a-like Gaon (Yohan’s brother or a former colleague maybe) facing each other surrounded by which looks like a burnt old church. They both continued to stare at each other as the scene concludes. It looks like there’s a past which needs to be disclosed.

--

Comments:

+ Good acting (Ji Sung, Kim Minjung, Jang Youngnam)

+ Live trial setting

+ Buildups of the faceoffs: Yohan vs Gaon / Ms Jung vs Ms Cha

+ Buildups of the 1st case

+ Good suspenseful bgm

+Script looks full and engaging

- Dystopian setting looks poor production wise but is made up by the + cinematography

+/- Needs a 2nd rewatch for the pilot incase you miss something out

7/10 so far for the pilot. I look forward for the rivalries and the upcoming cases.

[strongsassysexysloane]

Could you please do "I need a place to stay" and “Fine, don’t say anything and make me worry.” with Jack? Thank you!

A late night emergency

Another request that came to me pretty quickly, I actually somewhat like how this turned out.

When your home life is turned upsidedown and you don't know where to go, there's really only one person you want to go to. But why?

. . . .

It was late, later than you'd ever think appropriate to call her but you were desperate. The next stop was Gibbs place if she didn't answer the phone, that's how desperate you were.

You didn't have to worry that long before the ringing stopped. There was a shuffle on the other end and a tired cough before, "Y/n? What's wrong?"

Where do you start and if you started you'd probably start crying and you really didn't want to cry right now.

You'd ran out of tissues.

"Fine, don't say anything and make me worry.." She sighed and you almost thought she was going to hang up but she didn't. There was more shuffling, like she was sitting up in bed.

You sucked in a shaky breath and said, "I need a place to stay..." before you almost hung up yourself. She'd only bug you at work about why you called her so late and woke her up only to hang up before you said anything.

Your voice was so small and defeated that she didn't hesitate, "My doors open. How far away are you?"

Her question was answered in the next few seconds by a knock at her front door because you knew once she answered she wouldn't say no. You heard her soft chuckle on the other end before you hung up. She took a few minutes to put on a robe and make her way to the front door. There was worry clear on her face but she didn't say anything as she opened the door with a yawn, her arm wrapped tightly around her middle keeping the robe in place, and let you come inside.

"Sorry, I didn't know where else to go and I-" Your voice started to tremble, your bottom lip quivering and you felt her wrap an arm around you. "Jack I-" You looked up at her through tears and she pulled you into her, her hand holding your head as you sobbed into her shoulder.

Hopefully she had tissues.

"You don't have to tell me now if you can't... It's late, you're a ball of emotions and need your sleep." She stepped back, cupping your cheeks and wiping your tears away. "I was worried why you weren't at work today but now I can see why. Come to bed.." Sheet offered and you nodded.

She started walking towards her room and you followed, the sudden realisation that she meant sharing her bed hit you like a tone of bricks. "Jack I can sleep on the -"

"It's a two seater, neither one of us would have a restful sleep on that thing. Don't be silly. I'll keep my hands to myself, don't worry." She winked that made you huff out half a laugh which was her intent. "Here." She handed you one of her night shirts, shorts and a clean towel. You were still in your day clothes from packing up your things and driving, just driving to get away from what happened.

"Thank you." You took the offered items and walked to her ensuite. It took you only five minutes to wash off the past day and join Jack in bed the covers folded open for you.

She flicked off her bedside lamp once you were settled and wriggled into a comfortable position.

"Jack... Thank you." Your body sinking into the bed, a bed you'd slept on before but this time the other side was occupied.

She was out of town that night, said you could sleep at her place, she gave you the key at work, back then it was because of a heated fight but now, now it was permanent. Did she know what happened?

You didn't want to ask.

She reached out under the covers and squeezed your hand. "Sleep, sweetheart."

The pet name often crossed her lips in the quieter moments, the ones where it was just the two of you. Did she know how confused it made you feel? How she made you feel. On one side you enjoyed it, relished in her pet names for you but on the other it was like you were drowning in feelings you weren't familiar with. Ones you'd never felt for anyone before let alone anyone of the same sex.

But instead of questioning her or yourself, you closed your eyes and let the exhaustion turn into slumber. It was surprisingly a somewhat restful sleep and you only woke up the following morning with the chatter of Jack on the phone moving around her house, you could tell where she was the the squeak of her floor boards, she was currently in the kitchen. You could tell she was trying her best to be quiet but clearly the subject had her riled up.

"Jesus Gibbs, why didn't you say anything? I wouldve gone and- okay fine. Yes, I'll be working from home today. I already told Leon and he was fine so just tell McGee to email the files over and I'll get through them... She's still sleeping, I'm going to make breakfast and we'll chat... I know, talk later."

You sunk further into the pillow, engulfed with Jack's scent and you groaned. The day before coming back with every word you heard Jack say. Gibbs knew, he knew you'd been having trouble in your relationship for a while, he noticed your red knuckles more often than before because you'd been hitting the gym almost every morning as apposed to every other morning. It was hard to hide somedays when you were coming into work before 0700 and he was the only one there that early before going for his breakfast run. He'd even had a coffee waiting at your desk a few days which made you smile at first but soon frown at what it had come to mean.

Now the smell of coffee and bacon drew you out of your head and the bed. You must've made a sound while stretching because Jack was at the door with a coffee extended out to you when you opened your eyes after giving your back a good crack.

"Did I wake you?" She asked after you accepted the coffee and hummed in delight.

You smiled, "Perfect," and looked up at her. "No, I was waking up anyways."

She nodded accepting the round about yes you did wake me up but not really. "I have bacon frying, how do you like your eggs?"

After swallowing a long sip you answered, "Scrambled. Please." You smirked at her scrunched nose, she didn't like scrambled but there was no other way to have eggs.

She leant back on her heels ready to leave. "Only for you. Feel free to grab whatever clothes you want and take a shower if you feel like it. Breakfast won't be too long." With that she turned and made her way back into the kitchen to save the bacon and cook the eggs.

Your gut twisted again at her use of only for you as you looked at her chest of drawers hoping clothes would just fall out and you wouldn't have to search through her things to find all the clothes you loved seeing her in.

Soon the coffee was devoured by the time you got ready and she had more brewing when you made your way into the kitchen. The day was spent mostly without any questions on why you were here and not at your own place but she the subject came eventually and you were prepared to tell her after running it through your head all day. She was accepting and offered for you to stay as long as you needed. She was a good friend like that. You didn't want to lose your good friend by figuring out whatever else you were feeling, you needed to deal with one situation at a time for now.

. . . .

Thank you for the request! Hope you like it!

[idjitlili]

Blah its me

Kili x Modern!reader

Summary:Imagine Kili being sent to find you ,to only to see you dressing by a small river,spotting your belly button piercing. And him liking your earrings so much that he asks you to pierce his ears.

over 2280 words

You we apart of Thorin's company since you fell upon fron the sky ,whacking your head on a tree,landing face first infront of the company who rode ponies.You had used your arms to stop you whacking your face in the mud. You had groaned,standing up brushing the mud from your bottom."I have been falling for 30 minutes!" you had growled not noticing the bunch of dwarves,a hobbit and a wizard had been eyeing you. "d-did she just fall out of the sky?" the hatted dwarf had spoke ,in which in time you learned to know his name as Bofur.

The dwarves sat still on their ponies in spoke,until the youngest Durin prince spoke "did it hurt when you fell from the heavens of malah?" he spoke flirting while you as the older dark haired dwarf turned around and shot him a look,which he simply ignored. "I feel some stairs and ended up here not down from heaven..." the words slipped quietly from your lips ,the wizard had looked at you thinking before he spoke "it seems that this maiden is not from middle earth  ,Am I correct?" you wanted to know who the fuck he knew that."middle earth,what no,its just earth." he hummed at you. Soon after that you were apart of the company,to much off Thorins disagreement you were in.

Which led you to now you were in Rivendell already;Thorin didnt like that very much. You were quite happy with about ,Elrond had given you a room with a bath,you hadnt had a proper clean in a long while. Plus a cute elf named Lindir,had accompanyed you to your room,offering you his arm. You had happily taken it blushing,the dwarves werent impressed by this ,Kilis face scrunched up in jealousy.

It wasnt a shock to Fili that his brother had grown to have a crush on you,a strange girl from another world. He knew better to keep it to himself ,and only tease Kili about it quietly. Thorin was only just beginning to like you,Fili didnt want you being left on the side of the road if his uncle found out about his youngest nephews feelings for you.

You had thanked Lindir greatly for helping you to your room,he had smiled at you "you are very welcome lady y/n,Elrond has told me about you and wishes me to inform you that if you would like you can stay here in Rivendell." you didnt know what to say ,you loved it in Rivendell and Lindir was indeed bodacious,but you grown to like a certain prince. Not that you could do anything about it,he was royalty ,you were a mere human ,not that kili acted like a prince more immature than anything.

"I really couldnt,they would feel betrayed,"you spoke quietly.looking at your dirty shoes. "though its not only reason is it?" his voice was like silk in noise,golden smooth,his head high as you look up at him ,shaking your head no. "Im sure he returns your love." you almost choked ,as he left how could he known,damn. You turned into your room almost turning into sonic running to the bath. Soon scrubbing yourself with the rich soaps and oils,conditioning your hair.  

After you had wrapped yourself in one towel;another in your hair. Slowly dressing yourself in your short underwear,not boxers but they were were shorts and underwear. And your bra from your world ,about to put on the mint green dress Elrond had sent to your room,well was until the door knocked. "who is it?" (james franco pineapple express,yeah you sound like that ) "Bluh it's me" he stated ,je was still annoyed about Lindir,but he didnt hold it to you ,it wasnt his choice who you liked. You hadnt realised that you were fully dressed ,your wet hair now down ,water making your skin shine against the light.  As you walked towards the door,opening it to reveal Kili he hadnt yet bathed clearly.

His eyes quickly scanned your body,blushing as he say you in your underclothes,you looked at him confused to his facial expresion. "Im sorry , I disturbed you,its just dinner is ready," You had looked down to see what he gestured about ,you had blushed in embarrassment."oh god,yeah I'll be right there." you tried to play it off ,but his eyes still kept glancing ,he nodded turning to leave,but a jem catches his eye.

He turns back to you loooking down at your bellybutton gasping "Is that a jem in your bellybutton?"he beyond shocked he had never seen something like it before,he didnt understand why you hadnt shown it off,he thought it was beautiful. "oh..um its my belly button piercing?" he had looked even more confused ,looking down to see how it worked. You sighed pulling him in by his arm,making him almost fall over,sitting him on the side of the bed,you laying flat next to him. So your stomach looked flatter than when it did when you sat,not that you should be ashammed ,it was just so he could see. He had looked at you as you unscrewed the ball pulling out the bar. "see theres a hole,damn thats what she said." his hand went near before he pulled it away,you pulled it back assuring it was fine.

He had grabbed the bar eyeing it ,before popping back into its rightful placing securing the ball ontop. " do men in your world have that too?" he had questioned as you stood up pulling the dress on before sitting next to Kili on the bed. "no not many ,its mostly because they get made fun of by other men that claim its a gay thing to do aka ,men that like men  do it ,but it isnt anyone can do it,more women have it done. some people are just scared of the pain of having it done ,but inreality it doesnt hurt at all,just the same as my first ear ones," in the end you had pointed to your earrings that lay on the lobe.

kill had watched interest,he really thought you were the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. "i like it very much y?n it suits you very well." you had smiled blushing as he smirked at your reaction."thank you kili." you looked the floor not knowing what to say after that."do you think one day you will help me go get my ears done like yours are on that bit?" he spoke shyly pointing to your ear lobe. "I mean if you want.. I could now." you response now looking at kili whos face lights up like the moon in the night sky,nods eagerly,you run to your bag grabbing your spare unused hoops and clean needle and a slightly wet cloth,rushing back to him.

You jump on the bed ,bouncing slightly almost stabbing yourse;f with the needle,you kneel facing his left ear. "just the one ear?" at the moment you had one stud in your first hole and in the otherside a lego indiana jones figure dangling. Like who didnt play at least one lego game on the wii as a child,maybe you still do cough me. "what do you think?" he had questioned holding the needle and earring as you used the cloth to clean his lobe gently,he tried to stay still under your grip."I think the one for now ,so you can sleep on the other side,without aggravating it while it heals." you spoke quietly,standing up to put the cloth down on the beside table,pulling the dress up before sitting back down now comfortble on your knees thats what she said.

"alright then,just the one please." he looked at you smiling nervously,you smiled back at him excitedly. You lined the needle up to the appropriate position. "you ready?" you asked him."ye-Ow" you had cut him off stabbing the needle through,and placing in the hoop. "that did not hurt,youve been stabbed by a bloody sword,and made less of a fuss. did that go over your head?" you grabbed the cloth once again ,shoving his hand away from the ear as he rubbed ,now cleaning the piercing.

"Nothing goes over my head my reflexes are too fast, I would catch it." you snorted at his response pulling him up from the bed,discarding the cloth,leading him to the mirror standing behind him as he looked at the earring with a big grin."Ilove it!" he practially shouted turning around engulfing you in arms twirling you around, your face flashes red as does his when he puts you down embarrassed. "i-im sorry," he spoke looking at the floor you had grabbed your hand "dont be ,lets go the company will be waiting." you spoke pulling the blushing dwarf out the door with you.

You had let go of his hand once you had reached the others,sitting down beside bofur,kili beside you. They had stared at you brielfly."you look very nice ,lass." bofur had told you smiling next you ,you had blushed quietly thanking him. "Yes,,Y/n you look truly look more beautiful than when you were covered in mud,if that was even possible." fili smirked at you then briefly at his brother ,he wanted him to step up stop being so scared of you a shy guy,like you would go blurting out that you didnt like him,but you did. "t-thank you." you werent used to the compliments ,nor many people interacting with you.

"kili,what is that in your ear??" Thorin had interrupted the dwarves commenting on you ,his voice stern,his face almost a frown,you looked at kili nervously you didnt want to get in trouble from thorin.  "SO ,I basically accidently saw y/n had an earring thingy in her bellybutton-" "A what? lass show us." bofur had cut him off now everyone was starring at you, waiting ,you stood up. Only for kili to pull on your telling you not to do what you were about to do ,sending you a pleading look. You had shook your head ,assuring him it was fine ,pulling the dress up above your belly button.

You had just revealed to the whole company a f/c jem that was your bellybutton jewerly,also your bare thighs and underwear. That elf Lindir had smirked at you,causing kili to almost explode,as he saw it the dwarves were in shock as you sat down,they still said nothing. "why would you keep such beauty hidden?" Dwalin the least person you wouldve expected spoke up,you didnt think he thought anything was beautiful expect maybe I dont know his mother. "..uh b-because I cant wonder around with you guys in half a shirt ,I would definitely get stabbed easier." you spoke yet again quietly ,making bilbo laugh at your tone. Kili smiled before breaking the silence ,"so yeah anyways I made her pierce my ear,how do I look? more majestic than uncle?" he had mocked shaking his hair slowly ,like a hair product advert,making you giggle.

"So you two are courting?" Thorin asked eyeing down his sisters youngest son,you both sat there not knowing what to say ,until you did. "w-what do you mean?" you had questioned the dwarven king. "he means Kili saw you practially naked ,and then you gave him a body modification,and then supplied him with the jewerly,all pretty intimate it seems." Bofur piped up,taking a drag from his pipe. You blushed ,looking at the salad infront of you ,picking up a piece of cucumber chewing it avoid the scene, "y/n ,may I speak with you ?"you had turned to  kili nodding grabbing another piece of cucumber as he took your hand helping you up,leading you to a hall with the sword that chopped saurons fingers off.

He stood infront of you his eyes filled with panic ,and nerves ,as he literally lunged foward cupping your cheeks pressing his lips to yours,before pulling away embarrassed."y/n,im sorry,but they are right,I want to court you." he paced around ,until you spoke "dont be sorry" he stopped turning to look at you shocked, "i want to court you" thats all it took for him to pull you into a passionate kiss,before pulling away when you had heard someone clearing their throat.

"finally,I having been trying to force this for weeks." fili poopped out smirking,and soon after bilbo "and me"

"how??" kili and questioned,holding you in an embrace. "well we would accidently trip you into each other or get you both on nightwatch together ,or-" "okay we get it thank you very much "

"god damnit dildo gaggins and the jensen ackles ,john travolta love child."

a/n lets pretend i didnt pierce my mid ear with a safety pin at 14 or give myself an umbrella stick and poke at 14 because of tom holland dancing to umbrella. dont do it ,dont risk your life doing something stuipid like i did. yeah thats what this is based off.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

night watchmen josh balz x reader

+++++++++ Song: diamond girl by set it off

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee +++++++++

I sat on the couch in silence, leant over, my elbows digging into my thighs as I propped my head up on my hands. I had come home early to surprise my fiance but he was nowhere to be found. i was hoping to get him and head out for a date on the town but now i had been sitting here for an hour by myself, three glasses of wine deep, and no text back. this sucked. it was slowly creeping up on seven o'clock and i couldnt help but check my phone over and over again, but still nothing. i sighed and sat back, slouching into the couch.

"fuck this."

i said before standing up, freezing in my tracks as the front door unlocked. i heard laughing and got confused before he pushed the door fully open, him walking in with a tall thin woman tucked under his arm. when she saw me she stopped, looking to him for answers.

"baby?"

he asked, also confused.

"youre home early."

i tucked my phone into my pocket and nodded.

"yeah, if you would have answered my text three hours ago you wouldve known that."

i said sarcastically.

"i was hoping we could go out on a date but it looks like you did that already."

he pulled his arm off her shoulders and stood there uncomfortably.

"baby its not what you think-"

he started and i held my hand up.

"no, youre right, what it looks like is you moving out."

i said firmly.

"baby please."

He tried to protest. i shook my head, pulling my engagement ring off and pressing it into his hand.

"you have till tomorrow to get your shit out of my house and then im changing the locks. if you need me ill be at josh's, calling the landlord and taking you off the lease."

i said walking past him to our room. i texted josh as quickly as i could and began packing. as i stuffed clothing into a bag i tried so hard to fight the tears back. we had been together for three years. what happened to all that time? i guess it didnt matter anymore. i guess it didnt for either of us. the truth is i wasnt even that heartbroken. at some point i think i stopped loving him too, it just didnt matter till now. it didnt matter till i was faced with the truth of it all. now i had to deal with that. when i walked back out into the living room he was standing there alone, a sad look on his face. he reached out for me as i made my way to the door.

"wait, baby, can we please talk about this?"

he said and i turned to look at him.

"there is nothing to talk about."

he laughed in disbelief.

"yes there is, just hear me out."

i shook my head.

"no, i dont want to hear anything from you right now. other than maybe how long this has been going on and if you still love me, that i think i deserve to know."

he dropped his gaze to the floor in shame.

"no, i dont."

i nodded.

"and ive been seeing a few different women for the last year."

i closed my eyes tightly for a second.

"so when you proposed to me and said all those things, you didnt mean any of it?"

he slowly shook his head, looking to me with a sad look on his face. i blinked slowly, turning back to the door and reaching for the handle.

"good, cause i dont think i did either."

i said harshly as i pulled the door open, stepping out into the cool night air and closing it behind me. for the first time in forever i could just breathe, relax, revel in freedom. this was a feeling i missed. being with him felt like a trap for so long. i sighed in relief as i saw josh's car pull up in front of the house, making me smile for the first time today. he got out of the car, a look of pity strewn across his features. i practically ran to him, him hugging me tightly to his body and rubbing my back gently.

"you okay?"

he asked and i nodded into his shoulder.

"i am now."

i said softly as he pulled away. he ran his hands down my arms, examining my face before opening the passenger door.

"lets get out of here."

°°°°°°°°°

as i sat on joshs couch i sipped the coffee he had offered and waited for him to come back from the kitchen. the dogs were sitting in a blanket about a foot away from me, staring in my direction. usually they were all over me but maybe they knew something was wrong.

"sorry that took so long."

josh said walking in behind me, another mug in his hand.

"its fine, nothing im not used to."

i let out a soft laugh as he sat, sending me an apologetic look.

"so, uh, do you wanna talk about it?"

he asked and i shrugged.

"i dont even know what there is to talk about now. its over. if im honest it was kind of over a long time ago."

he placed his hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly.

"im sorry it ended up this way for you y/n. i know you said months ago that you didnt think this would last. but i never even wouldve imagined it would happen like this."

i side nodded before taking a sip of the coffee.

"you and me both."

i said, raising my brows.

"are you gonna be okay?"

i sighed, slouching into the back of the couch.

"thats the thing josh. every part of me says i should be sad. i should be mad. hell maybe even a little vengeful. but im not. i dont really feel anything other than annoyed."

he raised a brow in confusion.

"annoyed?"

i nodded lightly.

"i guess im just fed up with the fact that i waisted three years of my life. three years of time and emotion. three years i couldve been looking for an actual partner and friend. looking for someone who actually cares about me."

he cleared his throat.

"someone like me?"

i sent him a small smile.

"maybe."

he smiled back at me, knowingly.

"its not like we havent been flirting the past few months. when you called me i was almost expecting you to tell me you had ended things with him and you were gonna come running into my arms. ya know, like those shitty fairytale fantasy type things."

i couldnt help but laugh.

"honestly i think i wanted to but it didnt feel right. besides, i dont think it wouldve been appropriate to kiss you in front of him considering he had been cheating on me. that wouldnt exactly look good on paper."

he laughed a little too at that.

"yeah but whats keeping us from doing that now?"

i sent him a look.

"i dont know."

he side nodded.

"im single, youre single, we're too grown adults who have been slightly pining after each other for a few months."

i nodded back.

"all valid points."

i said, inching towards him. he looked down to my lips, inching closer too.

"then theres nothing keeping us apart anymore."

i looked over his eyes.

"i think youre exactly right."

i said softly, shutting my eyes as he closed the gap between us, connecting our lips. it was a lot softer then i had dreamed it to be and he tasted like caramel. it was quick though. when he pulled away we both smiled at each other like idiots.

"why did that take us so long?"

he said through a laugh and i shook my head.

"i have no idea."

i said before pulling him in for another kiss, this time much deeper and smoother, as if that were possible. he hummed into my mouth, bringing his hand around to the back of my head and holding me to him. when we both pulled away again he rested his forehead against mine, keeping his eyes closed.

"god i wish i wouldve done that forever ago."

i smiled at him as he opened his yes, pecking him quickly on the lips.

"god i do too."

we both laughed lightly for a second, him pulling me closer to him.

"y/n?"

he said, taking my hand in his.

"yeah?"

i asked.

"will you be mine?"

i let out a relieved laugh.

"yeah."

he brought his free hand up to stroke my cheek gently.

"i promise ill treat you so much better."

i sat back and held up my pinkie.

"promise?"

i asked and he sent me a knowing smile, connecting our fingers.

"promise."