#i never thought that would be me it's like a dream :))) i struggled so much with anxiety
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samwinchesterthewitch · 2 days ago
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CW: noncon (turns mutual later)
The air conditioner in their motel room was broken. Sam thought his skull would split open. The pain was like a band wrapped around his head, squeezing, unwilling to let go until he got what he needed. He was burning up, shaking, his words stammered and breathless as he tried to tell Dean, I have to go.
Dean's eyes said no before his mouth did. To see Ruby?
I need to. I need to, Dean.
But the pain, the pain in his head couldn't compare to the pain in Dean's eyes, and Sam was the cause. He knew he was. He hated hurting Dean, but he needed this, needed to get better, stronger, so he could protect Dean, because Dean had suffered enough in Hell and was broken in ways that Sam couldn't fix, but he could fix this.
Dean's mouth curled. It wasn't a smile.
Sam felt it then, something snap, and it wasn't the band around his head. It wasn't the fingers digging into his shirt, grabbing. Or the hands shoving him on the bed, pushing, demanding. Love in the form of violence wasn't anything new to them.
"No," Dean said, clear through the haze of heat. "I know what you need, and it's not that bitch's blood."
The body on top of his, that wasn't new. But this wasn't sparring. Dean kept him pinned on his front, not letting him fight back, no chance to tap out. Sam struggled, hot with anger, and fear, and his body's shameful response to having his brother so close. He opened his mouth. Dean pressed his face into the pillow. It smelled like cheap beer and sweat.
"You need me, Sam."
This was true. But it didn't make sense, in Sam's melting brain, with his belt being unbuckled, or his jeans being shoved down, the denim rough between his thighs. He couldn't equate the body over his with his brother when leather constricted his hands, cutting into his wrists when he yanked -- his own belt, he realized, it was used to tie his hands to the headboard.
Shock clouded his mind for a moment. Made him go still, frozen, like those nights as a kid when he would just stare at his closet, waiting for the worst. But then Dean was yanking him up by his hair, fingers pushing past Sam's lips, and the shock was gone.
Sam bucked, a choked snarl coming out. He almost bit down, but Dean bit him first, teeth sinking into the meat of his neck -- and then Sam couldn't breathe, caught between a cry and a moan, body and mind wracked with anger fear pleasure pain guilt Dean Dean Dean.
The name came out slurred with Dean's fingers in the way.
"Don't," Dean breathed in his ear, a rough command. Stop. Stop fighting me. "This is all you're getting, Sammy. This is your fault."
This was also, somehow, true, mostly because it was always Sam's fault, all of this was his fault. That was probably why Sam stopped, stopped fighting his brother. Realized that this -- this was happening, and the fingers in his mouth were a kindness, his brother trying to make the punishment easier on him. Sam should be grateful.
He sucked his brother's fingers.
It was too hot, too much heat to think clearly, too sweaty to move. His cheeks were on fire. He didn't know what sounds were coming out of his mouth. It was like a dream come true and a nightmare that would never end, not until he got what he deserved.
Dean started with two. Two fingers, hard and impatient, making Sam's hips buck some more, fingers curling around the belt. He tried gritting his teeth -- the Winchester way, their dad would say, refusing to make a sound -- but Dean would yank on his hair, or twist his fingers, and the gasps came spilling out.
It wasn't much prep. Pain wasn't the problem though. It was hearing Dean take off his own belt, unzip, groan under his breath. It was feeling the head of Dean's hard, heavy cock brush against his rim, realizing that they were past the point of no return. Terrified that this would ruin them, that Dean would regret it once he calmed down and hate himself even more, Sam tried again. "Dean, st--"
Dean split him open. Sam muffled his scream in the pillow.
Too hot, he was suffocating. Burning. Was this what Hell was like for Dean? Sam tried to cling onto a coherent thought, but anger fear guilt pain pain pain my brother is fucking me took over.
Everything was in shards, fragments.
He's angry.
Pain everywhere.
It's my fault.
Dean's breath, heavy and fast, hot on the back of his neck.
But I need to--
Hands on his hips, hand on his scar, the one on his lower back from when he died and Dean traded his soul to get him back.
Ruby's the only--
"Don't say her name," Dean growled, and fuck, Sam said that out loud, didn't he? "Don't even think about her. All you need is this--"
Another thrust, but this time, a spark. More heat, but inside him, fizzling in his stomach. Sam clenched, mouth dropping in a moan. He didn't have to look to know his brother was smirking, that same look he got whenever he was right. Sam forgot what they were arguing about, but he knew who was winning.
"Say it, Sammy." Hot, so hot in his ear. "Say you only need me."
The stubborn little brother in Sam didn't want to. But his big brother kept going, pain oozing out of Sam's body, hips rising up for more of that feeling buzzing in his nerves, throbbing in his chest. His vision went blurry as Dean bore down harder, faster, determined to get the answer he wanted. Expecting his baby brother to give in.
Sam felt it coming. He was hard now, he needed to cum, the friction of the bed and his brother's cock desperately pushing in and out, harder each time -- the words just came out on their own.
"I only n-need you."
He was lifted up by his hair again, gasping. Panting and choking out little moans and whimpers while his brother kept going. "Louder," he growled, so Sam said it louder. "Who do you need?"
"You! Just you, Dean!"
"Right. Right, just me, just your big brother."
It was coiling inside him. Sam gasped out, "Need to--"
"No." In, out. Clench, release. Sam nearly sobbed. "You don't get that. If you're gonna cum, it's gonna be from my dick. Nothing else."
This seemed totally unfair in Sam's sex-cloudy mind. "Dean," he whined, like they were kids again. The thought should have snapped him out of -- whatever this was.
It didn't. Dean kept fucking him, and Sam came just from that, all over the cheap motel sheets.
---
The air conditioner was still broken. The digital clock read 4:56 in the morning. Sam's wrists had bruises and welts in them when Dean finally untied his belt from the headboard. Sam himself was also covered in bruises, and bites, and cum, and sweat.
His baby brother was out cold. Lost the energy to even jerk his hips up after the seventh time. A part of Dean was grateful for that; better then admitting his dick was totally spent.
The evidence of his crime was laid out on Dean's bed, eyes closed and breathing slowly. Dean pulled the covers over his brother like he was tucking him in, before sighing and forcing himself to drag his feet to the bathroom.
The self-loathing could come later. For now, all that mattered was that Sam was here. Safe. Nowhere near Ruby or any other fucking demon who wanted to take advantage of his brother.
Dean protected him, like always.
That's all that mattered.
S4 Dean deciding that to keep Sam from sneaking out at night to meet Ruby, he's just gonna have to dick down his brother so hard he nearly passes out. Every night. For Sam's safety.
PLEASE.
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girlwithwolftatoo · 21 hours ago
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What is chained -Chapter 1
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Summary: There was a dream named Rome, and saving it doesn't always mean to chop heads off.
Words: 1677
Characters: Marcus Acacius, emperor Geta, emperor Caracalla and others.
Chapter 1: Taraxia -Disturbance
Any man who has been to sea knows that, when a storm approaches, it is preceded by a shivering calm where silence and stillness are only the desperate cry of an inevitable terror. The air becomes salty, suffocating, the sails hang lifeless, the oars are stowed. And so Acacius thought of his own ship as the slaves loaded their belongings into a wide cart, pulled by a beautiful Gaul steed with its shaggy ankles and curly mane. Lucilla watched, paralyzed with anger from the porch, her hands wringing a sprig of lavender as she struggled not to cry. Her father said that what a free man earns should not be taken from him without cause, but her brother would have sadly agreed with his successors, those two little red-haired devils. Acacius turned away, once he had signaled to the servants that they could retire, and approached the woman with what he considered a reassuring face, which he well knew was not going to do much good. It broke his heart to provoke her to so much distress, but he knew, for that is only learned through years of iron and blood, that refusal would have been worse. “I'll be fine,” he told her, reaching out a hand to stroke her face. Lucilla closed her eyes, bowing her head over the powerful hand that tried to comfort her “Listen, give me a week, two maybe, I'll send messages in the meantime and then… I'll negotiate with the senate. They'll be reasonable, once they see results.”
Lucilla sighed, looking at him defeated. “I never wished this for you, and look at you…you're being sent into the jaws of wolves.” “I'll be able to handle them, you trust, don't you trust me?” he said it lightly, smiling, but his wife didn't play along. “When you raise your sword I do not fear for you, but these… enemies… how will you defend yourself if…?” “With the senate. One word from me and they will regret it. Please…” he added in desperation, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "trust, I know what I'm doing, or at least Gracchus does.’ It was all part of a defensive plan, Acacius said to himself after saying goodbye to Lucilla, riding with his things in the wagon that was taking him to his destiny, was that destiny? he wondered as he left his villa back to the scandal of the city. No celebrations, no making the matter public, that was the decision of the good Gracchus, a great and loyal friend of his wife and her father, so as to avoid angering the demons. It was true that in any case, the demons were already angry. Thraex was still trying in vain to reassure them when the cart stopped at the palace stables, so that Acacius barely set foot when he had clear duties to perform.
“General, I thank the gods you made it” whined the man, exiting through a double door from which could be heard shouts of two men fighting loudly. Acacius looked with exasperation at the door.
“They didn't take kindly to the news, I'm afraid.”
“No way, they're a wild beast, when I told them I thought they were going to kill me.”
Acacius was already used to Thraex hypersensitivity, so he didn't take it so seriously either, and walked through the double doors as if he had just entered an enemy barracks.
On one side, there was Geta, using one of those platters for exotic meats as a shield, and at the other end, his face so reddened that it showed under the heavy makeup, Caracalla, whose raging voice had become so high-pitched that Acacius thought he was going to summon bats.
“You can't tell me what to do!” he shrieked, waving a narrow-mouthed vase varnished in gold.
“I know, I know, I just want you to listen to me, if you keep going on like that...!”
“Do you think I care, I've never been insulted... like that...!”
Geta turned his head and met Acacius, his expression soured but he did nothing but clench his jaw, Caracalla instead dropped the vase - which shattered - and went running towards him, his brother unable to stop him; the older one clenched his muscles in case he rammed him, but the little twin was reduced to stopping a good few feet away, pointing a finger at him as he groaned:
“Et tu, Justus?”
“Calm down, you're embarrassing yourself,” Geta warned him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Acacius relaxed, he detested them both in equal parts, but ruefully admitted that the older twin was a bit more reasonable. “Your Majesties… I see the patrician Thraex has already informed you of the news in the senate.” “News? You call that news?” shrieked Caracalla, wincing ”They have mocked us, that's what they did, and you participated!” “If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else, my lord, and perhaps someone less sympathetic and more… interested in the privileges to be obtained than in the good of you and Rome” continued the general. “I don't know if you haven't noticed but we are no longer children, general” Geta rebuked him, still holding his brother ”We have ruled this empire for years, since we were very young, back then no one cared about our decisions and suddenly…” “You must understand, your majesties, that the people of Rome are no longer as they were in the time of Marcus Aurelius” at the old emperor's mention, Caracalla grimaced and Geta rolled her eyes, ”when the common people were… easily satisfied because they had all they could ask for. The empire is larger, yes, but not stronger or more prosperous.” "How are they not satisfied? We give them parties, shows, military victories, what more do they want?” hinted Geta, supported by his twin who nodded vigorously. Acacius made an effort not to change his expression, that was worse than talking to an infant.
“Yes, but none of it brings food to their tables or fire to their homes. Not all of them are nobles, or wealthy dynastic providers. That's why... that's why the senate has decided...”
“Yes, yes, we know! A curator...” The tone of contempt was not lost on the general.
“See this better as a... advisor in the face of the people” he tried. Acacius regretted not knowing how to speak with the astute finesse of politicians, just now a little lip service would do him good. “If I am always at their majesties' side and... advise them on matters of the people, nothing more, then the people will perceive you as... more... approachable.”
His brain was struggling to find the right words, and he wished he had Lucilla with him, she would surely know how to explain them better. Meanwhile, on the twins' faces there was an identical internal struggle. It was Caracalla who spoke first:
“Who was the idiot who suggested this plan? It couldn't have been you” He said it as if the very idea mortified him.
“No, I certainly don't know, the senate communicated to me only the decision... and that they voted for me as your... advisor.”
“And well, will you be glued to us at all hours? Will you follow us everywhere to tell us how to do our work, general?” asked Geta.
“Their majesties know that I don't know about politics. Of war, on the other hand...”
Yes, he thought suddenly, now that he could explain.
“Come, please, I want to show their majesties something” he requested as politely as he was able, approaching one of the exquisitely narrow windows. The twins followed him, wary. “See out there? Beyond those marble statues and those white steps…that's Rome, your subjects. Tell me, if you were down there, like them, arguing in the marketplace over the prices of a bit of garum and taking your boots to be darned for the third time in the year, how would you feel?” None answered, it seemed too existential a question for their brains. “The enemy can become an ally, if conquered…and it must not always be through violence. You want those people at your feet? You will have to win them back. That's what I'm here for.” The thought brought a strange smile to the twins' faces. Geta, the sharpest, nodded. “Ah, I understand… you'll make them love us, won't you? They adore you, how they get when they see you marching in your chariot! They almost deafen us, don't they?” he asked, turning to Caracalla. “Oh yes, good General Justus, they would make you emperor if they could…” he added with venom.
"Well then, if your majesties would offer your help, I could… well, I would take this matter very seriously. My duty…” he felt a shudder as he said it, "is for Rome to love you once more." That seemed to be enough for Geta, at least he was calmer. Caracalla however continued to insist. “What's in it for you, general? You already have a beautiful house, a noble wife, a superb horse… what more could you want?” Acacius thought it was amusing that the boy spoke to him as if he could bargain. “I do it for Rome, the people I swore to protect and glorify. Nothing more.” “Well… they certainly haven't announced the matter with fanfare” Geta commented, thoughtfully ”We would have expected you to arrive with full honors, a little party for your appointment…”
“No way, I'm not doing it for my own benefit and besides, it would be improper for me to have a party for such a thing. Too many parties would anger the people.”
“Especially since they are not invited” reasoned Caracalla with a silly chuckle ”Yes, yes, that's all very well, I think we can survive this. Don't overdo it, General, and I don't see why we shouldn't get along.”
“Excellent.”
Acacius took his leave, in order to go to his assigned quarters. Part of being curatormeant that he had to live in the palace, the one thing he abhorred most about that job; if Lucilla wasn't so friendly with Gracchus he would punch him in the face for getting him into that mess, but he would have time to ruminate on his frustration, perhaps later in the bath when he could relax as well. For now he had to go back to being the general, and come up with a strategy for this unequal war.
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Girl, your stories are so GOOD! I love reading your fics. I just saw you may be taking fics for Jayce or Viktor. Is there any way I could request a Jayce x Viktor x Reader fic where the reader is very naturing, cuddly, and gentle with both of them, but maybe she hides all her stress and struggles cause she deems theirs more important? Like, she always knows when they want coffee, how they each take it, covers them up when the lab is cold or they pass out at the desk, rubs their shoulders when she sees them shrug too much, just very attentive. Yet, she’s not a scientist and thinks that being stressed over literature projects and teaching is ridiculous cause it’s not as difficult or as important (in her mind) as hextech. So she just ignores her needs until these two notice.
I’m so sorry if that is too much! I hope you enjoy the third act when it comes out. Thank you so much for reading this! 🩶
OH ABSOLUTELY I CAN DO THIS. 😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND LIKING MY STORIES IT MEANS SO MUCH.
--fem reader. Fluff. Small sad. Angst if you squint. Cute throuple time.
--
The laboratory is cold, and the rain that batters piltover decorates the window like glass tears. Your eyes droop tiredly as you watched viktor twist the cogs in the next hextech project and listen to the sound of slow puffs of steam every few minutes that came from brass pipes on the walls.
Jayce is unmoving as he sits at his own desk, sorting through two stacks of papers. You hate it, hate watching them so vulnerable and so tired. Both are so hard-working and loyal to their studies.
"Allow me to help you both," you spoke as you stood up.
Reaching for two soft blue blankets stored in the corner, you walked firstly to jayce and draped the blanket across his shoulders and gave his cheek a soft kiss.
"I can't have my boys going cold now, can I?"
You spoke as you walked to viktor to drape a blanket across his much more lean shoulders, kissing his cheek, too. Viktor looked up at you and smiled tiredly.
"Thank you, my love." it never failed to make your heart flutter hearing viktor call you that, especially when his accent made it so smooth and endearing.
"Are you staying with us tonight?" Jayce spun in his chair, leaning an arm on his knee.
"I um" you cleared your throat.
The truth was, you had things to do. Your own assignments and activities to tend to. But viktor and jayce's eyes were gleaming deep brown in the dim laboratory light and so often you found yourself missing them when they would make you go to bed without them because they were afraid you would pass out after spending so long with them doing work.
"I have no where to be"
Paperwork
Documents
Assignments
Blueprints
Papers
Papers papers pap-
"No," you shook your head. "I have nowhere to be"
You smiled as you walked over to stand by the window, viktor and jayce came to stand on either side of you. The rain still pounded the glass, crystal city and enforcers were hounded the soaking streets each night, like a herd of elephants stampeding with metal boots.
"You need not worry about what's happening down there." Jayce put his hand on your shoulder.
Viktor turned his head to you. "It is not our worry, my love" he spoke ever so softly.
You pressed your lips together into a thin line, as you thought over so much.
"You both must be hungry," you stated.
You stepped away from them both before you walked over to the door. You would make them cups of hot tea and nice warm soup. bread and butter.
"Stop right there, doll" Jayce spoke loudly.
You froze and turned around to see jayce holding up your textbook. You gasped and realised they had indeed caught you.
"When were you going to tell us you had assignments to do?" Jayce asked.
Viktor turned around to face you, his head tilted. You looked at the ground defeated before them, and began to cry.
"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you both. I was so entranced with helping you with your dreams that I forgot about my own, " you frowned and sighed.
The two of them walked over to you and hugged you tightly. If they had known you were in such troubles, they would have chained you to the table and glued a pencil in your hand.
"I love you both so much, and I'm so sorry that kept it from you." .You looked at them with gentle and sorrowful eyes.
"You need not be sorry. But It's time to start taking care of yourself, my love. " viktor held you close to him
You nodded, making them both smile admiringly.
"We love you, pretty girl"
You gave them both soft kisses to their lips and smiled. "You know I'm still going to take care of you both"
They were your boys. And even if you were working every day and night on your own papers, you would find ways to still make sure they had their breakfast lunch and dinner and were always hydrated and healthy. You loved them both dearly and they too loved you too.
"If I find out you aren't focusing on yourself, I'll take back my promise to buy cupcakes" Viktor spoke.
Not only did you gasp. But beside you, the man of progress did too.
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adore-gregor · 11 months ago
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I feel so lucky
#even though i often rant to complain here#i never imagined my life to be this good as it is now 🥹#i have almost everything i ever wished for#i sometimes switch between this and feeling alone like no one gets me 😅#like sometimes i feel like i should be so grateful but also that doesn't mean everything is awesome#often i feel like no one sees my struggles from the people i'm close to#because everyone always thinks things are easy for me like when it comes to university or because i appear so happy#it feels lonely sometimes but anyways#like they don't know the expectations people especially my family have for me even tho they don't say it normally sometimes it comes through#anyways i do have a lot to be grateful#i never had such a good relationship with my parents 🥺 it's not perfect but it feels so much more normal like it should be#and i have so many friends and people i get on at uni and my sports it's amazing 🥹#i never thought that would be me it's like a dream :))) i struggled so much with anxiety#i was so scared to even speak to someone a few years ago 😅#it makes the experience so pleasant i also enjoy uni <3#(altough i still think of adding something to my major to give me more options but also i think i would like it)#my grades are good no worries of failing classes anymore atm (altough i will still worry 😂)#i even get great grades with minimal effort (though this one is only partly good as it encourages laziness haha)#and i found something i'm passionate about again i love tennis sm 🫶#when i play i'm so happy and it gives me drive to become rly good at it even though it's not like i wanna become pro or sth. haha#it would be too late for that anyway lol tho ofc it'd be great but i just enjoy the challenge and seeing progress it's so rewarding 😁#and tennis with friends >>#i also like football :) and it feels like the void ski jumping left behind is finally getting filled :')#like when gregor retired i kind of lost my love for the sport and yeah it's sad but i'm glad i have sth again 🥹#also the freedom i have i could never have imagined#i could just go on a little trip with friends if i wanted to and i talked about this with a friend and i got so excited abt it 🥺😍😍#to have the possibility to just travel when i want to :))#i earned some money from (mostly summer) jobs these last years and it's great#and i can just get myself whatever i want mostly (i don't want crazy things)#and my family is much better off i guess that doesn't hurt either
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cheekblush · 2 years ago
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just woke up from a horrible dream about my chemistry final tomorrow 😭
#it felt so REAL i woke up with my heart racing bc i was so scared 😭#immediately checked my phone bc i thought the exam is TODAY but no today is sunday the exam is tomorrow i need to calm down 😩#i took a break from studying yesterday & just relaxed the whole day & clearly my subconciousnes is now making me feel guilty for it 😞#i hate when my worst fears creep into my dreams like please let me sleep in peace i'm already anxious enough 😭#i genuinely was so scared the exam was today & i'm completely unprepared bc there's still so much i need to study 😭😭😭#in the dream i showed up to the exam & there was a delay bc they didn't print out enough copies but some students already got theirs#so i asked someone if i could look through their exam paper & i was absolutely mortified when i didn't know a single answer#so then i started to feel nauseous & talked to my teacher outside the classroom saying i was feeling unwell & he got PISSED#we always have to sign a paper right before the exam if we feel healthy/fit enough to participate#so i guess dream me thought if i told my teacher about it he would be understanding & let me leave but he got so angry 😭#he said he saw me flipping through the exam paper (which obviously isn't allowed) & that's the only reason i'm feeling unwell now#then i confessed that i didn't have much time to prepare for chemistry bc of all the other exams which made him even angrier#then he basically humiliated me in front of the entire class telling them i'm retracting my exam participation in a joking manner#he kept saying i have to repeat another year & making fun of me... i was crying so much in front of the entire class 😭#he wouldn't answer my questions anymore & then another teacher came & told me to leave & that's when i woke up in panic 😫#usually i never remember my dreams & i'd rather it stays that way instead of having such horrible dreams 😭😭😭#i hope this isn't a bad sign & that i'll manage the exam tomorrow.. i'm honestly so scared i just want to pass 😔#the dream was honestly so scary.. i could see my teacher's face SO CLEARLY & all the little mannerisms he always does...#like he always has to turn everything into a joke.... ugh this is so unsettling please please please let me pass this exam 😞#just a few weeks ago he gave us these really difficult questions for exam preparation & even our chemistry aces were struggling with them#when i asked if the exam will also be so difficult he just laughed 😭😭😭#he later clarified that the exam won't include such difficult questions but like why use them for exam preparation then????#everyone was so frustrated & discouraged after those questions#all the other teachers just revised all the study material with us & gave us questions that really prepared us for the exams#i'm seriously terrified of tomorrow now... i'm so scared i'll just be staring at the exam paper & not being able to answer anything 😭#okay let me calm down.... i wrote a whole essay in the tags 😭😭😭#☁️
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unproduciblesmackdown · 2 years ago
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one in a million when i watch smthing in the horror genre and don't end up disappointed to/and/or pissed off about it so like "also yeah i liked it. ooo" is like relative to that an off the charts rave review of media of the millennium. also i did think about mh a lot along the way so would recommend its affect/effect if you like mh's horror too
#i didn't realize at first that's the director/creator tim's qrting. thought a rando went ''i love mh'' & he went ''& i love smthing else''#saw this a few weeks ago while also like writing or drawing or smthing like oh good plot's beside the point? b/c i'm splitting this focus#even checking in w/recaps was both like oh ok i missed that / didn't realize xyz could be a Thread or something but each of the like three#or four recaps i went over Also saw points differently in terms of even like; who was there or said what lmfao. or noting sm detail at all.#i went ''oh worm?'' at some early shot that may or may not have even gone mentioned by any of them. depending lol. doesn't matter#anyways we don't have time for tags media analysis except that i'll count this as: once again horror for children wins. even tho it's...#not rated? well anyways you know. probably generally not advisable for children as a direct audience lmao. however#like yes as per the premise as a child we've all experienced this [the media] anyways. perturbing summons dreams we've all had em#anyhow fr i'd even struggle to think of horror movies i'd say i mostly liked / would or did rewatch but still wasn't like. i disliked major#elements / choices to the point of being pissed off abt it. so many movies i can't be bothered to watch b/c i already know specifics like#i don't like or respect any of you people. or choices or elements or premises or executions or effects. not even interested fr like lord...#but often what has better odds are mediums that Aren't straightforwardly tv / film. like i'd compare mh to a series of several movies and#that's also imo largely a more apt categorization than saying it's an ARG or smthing but anyways like i'd recommend it to someone sure....#rare to be like yeah a movie was enjoyable. & if you already liked mh then that's a useful reference point here#which like usually i'd use mh as a categorical tag but idk i guess actually it's actively popular nowadays lmfao i really don't know#posting is already exhausting like whew but this one's for whosoever happens to follow me i guess#which is possible? nonzero ppl arrived for mh but unlikely lmfao. but also ppl see it on their own anyways coincidentally.#and you never know who observes the posts like hell yeah for an anon enjoying niche akd theatreposting who is to me ambiently out there#really odd the other day seeing an mh reblog like ''??? huh. i made that eons ago; then'' & people in the tags talking abt some repost like#on the one hand that Original Source post is two layers of deactivated blogs so a repost could be archival. but if they don't say as much#i.e. that it's even from a different source then that's not exactly it then is it. but also that even finding an original document For OP#is like. oh yeah that's me actually. but then knowing & technically saying as much doesn't / didn't actually affect me as that op lol#just kind of archival on both ends then. vs someone else in the tags saying they saw it on fb 9 yrs ago? definitely didn't post it there#my true op experience: keeping it nicheposting & just kind of saying sm shit & maybe some people are out there nodding thoughtfully#oh also in case fyi. that's tim as in actor playing [also tim] in mh. & did some writing for mh & other such behind the scenes efforts also#every time i look at the text in this post i notice a new typo of mine. get it tgoether (organic typo there. so; lol)
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littlelamy · 14 days ago
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boat scene with rafe
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requested by @gibson-g1rl l <3 😘 part 2
credits: oysters png from @saizun , and amazing gifs from @rafeyscurtainbangs
The boat rocks beneath you as you step toward where Rafe sits bound against the wall, looking both furious and oddly vulnerable. You catch his eye as you enter the room, holding a small packet of aspirin and a plate of food. His eyebrows lift slightly in surprise, but his cocky smirk returns almost immediately.
“Look who’s here to take care of me,” he drawls, his voice dripping with that familiar teasing tone, though there’s a flicker of genuine relief in his eyes.
“Don’t flatter yourself.” You roll your eyes, but there’s no real bite to your words. You set the plate down next to him and hand over the aspirin, glancing away to avoid letting him see the small, reluctant smile tugging at your lips. “Thought you’d need this. Can’t have you passing out on us.”
Rafe takes the aspirin from your hand, holding your gaze just a little too long before he swallows it dry. “I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting room service,” he murmurs, eyes never leaving yours. “Didn’t know you cared this much.”
You scoff, folding your arms. “You should know by now I don’t want you dead, Rafe,” you say with a wry smile. “But don’t expect this to become a habit.”
He chuckles, the sound low and a little smug. “We’ll see about that,” he says, shifting against the ropes, clearly enjoying the attention. He nods toward the plate. “So, what—are you gonna feed me, too?”
You blink, taken aback by his nerve, and then raise an eyebrow, letting sarcasm color your voice. “Would you like me to? Or do you think you can manage?” You narrow your eyes, daring him to keep pushing.
Rafe’s smirk wavers, his cheeks turning the faintest shade of pink as he quickly looks away. “I can handle it,” he mutters, clearly flustered but trying to play it off. “Don’t get carried away.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I wasn’t planning to.” But you can’t help the grin tugging at your lips as you settle back, watching as he tries to pick up a piece of food from the plate with an awkward, fumbling grip, struggling against the restraints.
You stifle a laugh as he tries to eat without making a mess, and he catches you smiling, his jaw tightening. “Something funny?” he snaps, though there’s a hint of embarrassment in his tone.
You shrug, biting back your amusement. “Nothing at all. You look perfectly in control.”
Rafe grumbles under his breath, focusing intently on his food to avoid meeting your eyes. Another wave rocks the boat, causing you to steady yourself against the wall, and you look back to find him watching you, something almost like concern flickering in his gaze.
“Be careful,” he mutters, his voice softer, dropping the bravado for a split second.
For a moment, you just look at each other, the storm outside and the chaos around you fading into the background. His cocky expression softens, and he gives you a small, grateful nod. He won’t say it, but you know he’s thankful.
“Thanks,” he says quietly, his gaze lingering on you a beat longer.
“Yeah, yeah,” you reply, crossing your arms as you lean back against the wall. “Just don’t make me regret it.”
Rafe grins, his cockiness slipping back into place, but now it’s warmer, less of a wall and more like something shared just between the two of you. As he reaches for another bite, he murmurs, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” And as much as you try to resist, you can’t help the small, reluctant smile that crosses your face in response.
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The storm hits hard, the boat rocking violently beneath your feet. You’re barely able to keep your balance as you make your way through the narrow, dimly lit hallway. Waves crash against the hull, each one sending a jolt of panic through your body. But there’s something else clawing at you—something that won’t let you ignore the sound of Rafe’s voice, sharp and desperate, calling from another room.
“Come on! Cut me loose!” His voice cracks, the desperation in it too raw to ignore.
You freeze, breath catching in your throat. Rafe. He’s still tied up. The ropes are holding him in place as the boat teeters precariously on the brink of capsizing. You can hear Pope and Cleo yelling from the kitchen, their voices overlapping, trying to convince you to leave it alone. To save yourself. But you can’t. Not this time.
You grip the knife tighter, your fingers cold and trembling from the anxiety rising in your chest. There’s no time to think. Rafe’s call keeps echoing in your head, and that voice—the urgency, the fear—pushes you forward. You make your way toward the room where you heard him last, the sound of the storm growing louder as it pounds against the sides of the boat.
Before you even get to the door, Cleo’s voice rings out. “No! Y/N, No!”
Pope’s voice follows, sharper. “Y/N, stop don’t let him out!”
But you keep moving. You don’t stop. You can’t. There’s no way you’re going to let Rafe stay there, helpless and bound, when you can do something about it.
When you reach the door, you shove it open, and the sight of Rafe tied up against the far wall hits you with a jolt. He’s slumped slightly, sweat slicking his forehead, his face drawn with exhaustion and frustration. His eyes snap to you, and for a split second, they soften with something almost like relief.
“Cut me loose, come on!” He says again, his voice strained, but louder this time, more insistent.
His hands are bound tightly in thick ropes, his legs spread out uncomfortably beneath him. The ropes seem too thick for him to break on his own. You can see the tension in his body, the way his muscles twitch from the strain, and the panic that flickers behind his gaze. There’s no time to waste. You don’t think twice. You crouch in front of him, the knife in your hand glinting in the low light.
Rafe watches you, his chest rising and falling unevenly. “Don’t make me regret this,” you murmur, feeling your heart beat faster as you cut into the thick rope that’s holding him in place. Your hands are shaking, the knife slipping slightly as the boat tilts again, but you focus on the task at hand.
“Come on, hurry up.” His words are clipped, desperate, and you push aside the nervous tightness in your chest as you work faster, cutting the ropes.
You’re close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body, a stark contrast to the cold, wet air from the storm. The boat groans as another wave slams against it, and Rafe’s eyes flicker to the window, then back to you.
“Please,” he breathes, and it’s that one word that makes everything else fade away—the roaring storm, the panicked shouting from the others, the ticking clock of time slipping away.
The last thread gives way with a sharp cut, and Rafe’s hands are free. His arms immediately reach for you, grabbing hold of your wrist with a surprising amount of force, pulling himself upright.
“Thanks,” he mutters, his voice rough, but there’s something deeper in it, something like a sense of vulnerability you’ve never seen from him before.
You don’t have time to say anything, to wonder if he’s really thankful or if he’s just grateful to be free. The boat shudders violently, and you both stumble as the hull groans beneath you. The wind howls outside, whipping against the windows, and you know there’s not much time before things get worse.
Rafe doesn’t wait for an invitation. He grabs your arm, pulling you toward the narrow hallway. “We need to get to somewhere safer,” he says, his tone not leaving any room for an argument.
You’re both moving quickly, though the boat keeps pitching wildly. The wind screeches, and water sloshes against the floorboards. Every step feels like a risk, like the boat could capsize at any moment. But Rafe doesn’t let go of your arm. He pulls you behind him, guiding you toward a small corner near the engine room, the only place that might offer even the slightest bit of shelter.
You slide into the corner, pressing yourself against the cold wall. It’s not the safest place, but in the madness of the storm, it’s all you have. Rafe follows, wedging himself beside you. There’s barely enough room for the two of you, but you don’t mind. You’re not focused on that right now. All you can think about is how the boat is rocking, how you’re both on the brink of disaster, and how Rafe’s body is so close to yours.
He leans into you, his breathing ragged and uneven. For a moment, he pulls away, but then his hand is at your waist, his grip tightening. It’s almost like he’s afraid you might slip away from him. He presses his body closer, his face now inches from yours, and you can feel the rapid beat of his heart.
Rafe places his head on your neck, his face buried in the crook of your shoulder. The warmth of his breath on your skin is both comforting and unsettling, but you don’t pull away. Instead, you place your hand on his back, the pressure of your touch grounding both of you as the storm rages on around you.
“You’re okay,” you whisper, though you’re not sure if you’re trying to reassure him or yourself.
Rafe doesn’t respond, but you feel his muscles relax, his tense body unwinding little by little. He’s not just holding onto you for stability; it feels like he’s holding onto you for something more. You can’t explain it, but there’s something in the way he leans into you, something raw and vulnerable that you’ve never seen before.
taglist: @namelesslosers @princessslutt @averyoceanblvd @iknowdatsrightbih @starkeysprincess @sixrosberg @anamiad00msday @ivysprophecy @wearemadeofstardust0 @kissrotten @rafesangelita @sstargirln
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saintobio · 4 months ago
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sincerely yours. (12)
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↳ gojou satoru/reader
when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after. 
genre. heavy angst, amnesia, modern au, 18+ 
tags/warnings. depression, mentions of cheating, trauma, implied suicide attempt, toxic relationships, illnesses
notes. 11k wc. finally. i wrote this with only one eye open so please don't mind the inconsistencies, i'm trying my best to tie any loose ends before we reach the ending. if the writing feels rushed, it’s bcos i’m just ready to wrap up this series 😭
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series masterlist -> episode thirteen
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You thought everything that had happened last night was just a dream. 
Because you had gotten used to the constant disappointments and vicissitudes of your life, sharing such domestic bliss with the person you loved had started to feel far-fetched for you. It had become an unachievable fantasy, a colorful delusion created by your mind to conceal the actual darkness of pain that surrounded it. 
But as you opened your eyes that morning, the familiar warmth of a sleeping Satoru’s embrace was the reality you never saw coming. The steady rise and fall of his chest, the comfort of his arms around you, it all felt surreal—like a fragile dream teetering on the edge of shattering. You wondered if it would be okay to stay here for now. To forget about the rest of the damn world and remain in his arms, staring at his beautiful saintly face, listening to his slow and steady heartbeat.
When Satoru stirred from his sleep, you knew your daydream was over. But he was pulling you dangerously close with arms wrapped around your frame and his lips pressed against your forehead. He was only half-awake, it seemed. His long white lashes reminded you of Sachiro’s as you watched him mumble incoherent words from his sleep, something along the lines of, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘Akemi’. 
That was your cue to pull yourself away from him. With guilt now coursing through your body, you sat up from bed and covered your naked body with the duvet. Akemi. You had completely abandoned the thought of Akemi last night, and now you were here in bed with ‘supposedly’ her man. As much as your heart was in bliss from last night’s events, the dark and cold reality was that you slept with a man who wasn’t yours. It was a principle you told yourself you would never cross, but everything concerning Satoru Gojou seemed to be bringing you to that. 
“Satoru, hey.” Your voice almost came out as a plea as you shook his arm, your guilt eating at you with every minute that passed. “Wake up.” 
His eyelashes fluttered as he struggled to open his eyes, blinded by the sunlight that gleamed through the window as he stretched his arms and looked at you. “Y/N?” he softly whispered, a hand tenderly placed on your back as he scooted closer. “What’s wrong?” 
Slight disbelief blanketed your gaze. “You think this isn’t wrong?” 
Satoru let out a sigh of exasperation, pulling his head back, and covering his eyes with a hand as if last night’s events played through his mind scene to scene. He was obviously caught in a mindwreck thinking about the girl he had just cheated on. “It shouldn’t be,” he mumbled, “But it feels like it.”
“So you do regret it,” you laughed at your own words, internally in pain. 
“I didn’t say that.” He finally pulled himself back up, sitting as he pulled you towards him. “Y/N, if we really thought last night was wrong, we would have stopped after the first time.” He shook his head at the irony. “Look, it’s on me, alright? I put you in this situation.” 
“And I allowed it,” you argued, “I allowed it, Satoru. It makes me feel dirty. I feel like, like I’m wrecking someone else’s home. It’s not me.” 
Satoru held his breath, a look of hesitation dawning on his face as he realized that this wasn’t just a dream of his. It was pure and raw reality that he had made a mistake that he could never undo. While thinking it through, he rubbed his eyes and sat up, leaning against the headboard as he assessed the situation. Then, he looked at you, his expression softening as he spoke, “No, not your fault. It’s just complicated,” he insisted, “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who owes ‘Kemi an apology.” 
Each time you heard her nickname from him was a punch to your gut. And each silent cuss that left his lips was an arrow to your heart. So you put it on yourself to accept his reaction. “It’s okay. You can be honest and say last night was a mistake.”
“No, no, no. I didn’t say that,” he replied quickly, reaching out to take your hand. 
But you already stood up from the bed, clutching the duvet around your body like a shield against the encroaching chill. Your throat felt tight, and tears threatened to spill, but you fought to keep them at bay. Satoru’s gaze followed you with an expression of helplessness, as if he was struggling to bridge the gap between his rights and wrongs.
As you turned to face him, a knot of frustration and heartache tangled within you. “So, what now?” you asked, trying your hardest to keep your composure. “How are we gonna fix this, Satoru? How?”
Before he could answer, the door to the cabin suddenly burst open, and Akemi stood in the doorway with her eyes wide with shock and fury. The confrontation followed as soon as she caught you in a compromising position with Satoru, and the words she uttered next were ones you least expected from her. 
“You’re a hypocrite! You’ve become the person you despised the most when you were married.” 
“You’re no better than Sera! And that’s why you’re miserable, and you’ll forever be miserable! If this is your way of getting back at me..” 
“Then jokes on you, because Satoru will never be faithful to you. He’ll keep cheating on you, just like he did now with me! You two belong in that cycle!”
You felt like an outsider in your own heartbreak, the confrontation intensifying as you tried to process the bitter truth in silence. All you could do was stand there and cry. Even Satoru’s attempts to placate Akemi were futile as her anger only seemed to grow. The more her eyes danced back and forth between you and her lover, the more she wanted to destroy everything in her path.
Satoru’s face was indiscernible from where you stood. “Akemi, please, just listen—”
Akemi, however, was already turning on her heel and storming back into her cabin while eliciting loud, muffled sobs. Your chest tightened with sorrow and shame. Complete, utter shame of doing this to another woman. How could you even correct a situation like this? How could you pick yourself back up after you just trampled on another woman’s feelings because of your actions?
Satoru, like you, hesitated on his next move, his eyes meeting yours with a look of anguish. “I need to talk to her, Y/N. I’ll be back.”
Without waiting for your response, he already bolted after her, leaving you alone in a quiet, pathetic state. The door slammed behind him, the sound reverberating through the cabin like thunder in a heavy storm.
You didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to face everyone, didn’t have the guts to even talk to Shoko and Suguru who now both have to deal with such scandals. You were too ashamed of yourself, as if your femininity had been stripped off its rights after you slept with the man you swore you would never get back with. 
“I didn’t mean it,” you could only silently whisper your laments, pacing around your cabin while swallowing the weakness that tried to escape. “I hate this.” 
The minutes dragged on, and each second stretched into an eternity as you waited for Satoru’s return. For now, you sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, wondering what excuse he was telling Akemi, and what actions he would do to try and calm her down. Did he kiss her, perhaps? Did he cup her face and tell her that you were nothing but a mistake? What was taking him so long? Or were they doing things to try and erase the same deeds you two did last night? 
The cacophony of voices and commotion from outside the cabin grew louder, and your curiosity led you to open your door, meeting the eyes of one of the hotel staff who sent you a look full of judgment. 
“Where’s…” you hesitated if she was the right person to ask, “Where’s Satoru? Would you know?” 
“Oh, ma’am. He already left the hotel half an hour ago… with Miss Akemi.” 
Her answer hit you hard like a truck on a highway. And your heart dropped as you realized who became The Fool in these deck of cards. Satoru had not only run off after Akemi, but had also left you behind without a word. 
The room felt colder now, the once-intimate sanctuary you shared with your ex-husband now a prison of your own grief. Even the familiar warmth of the bed seemed like a distant memory as you approached it, your body trembling as you thought of how you were treated like a dirty rag, thrown away after being used over and over again. 
With a soft, choked sob, you collapsed onto the bed, the duvet still a tangled mess from earlier. And your emotions, so tightly restrained, finally broke free. You pulled the blanket around you as if it could shield you from the crushing pain. The betrayal, the sense of being discarded for another—it all converged into a torrent of anguish. All you could do was cling to the duvet as if it were the only anchor in a stormy sea. 
——
Returning home didn’t make the situation any better. 
Although you tried to tell yourself that you shouldn’t be waiting on Satoru to contact you, you still found yourself checking your phone multiple times a day. Each second that passed without hearing from him was another stab to your heart. But it shouldn’t feel like that. It shouldn’t, not when Satoru clearly made his choice of choosing yet another woman over you. 
Of course, you knew what you did was wrong. In everyone’s eyes, sleeping with someone else’s man was unforgivable. There was no excuse, no way to justify your actions. Even if some people might side with you, saying you owed no one loyalty, it didn’t change how you felt about the whole situation. And that was because you remembered all too well the pain of being cheated on, and letting another woman endure the same heartbreak and betrayal was a weight on your conscience that you couldn’t ignore.
Sighing, you turned to the left side of the bed and saw Sachiro sleeping peacefully, clutching his favorite starfish plushie in his tiny arms. The thought of losing your son was unbearable, especially when he was your only source of calm amid the chaos that surrounded you. Caring for him was your solace, and his innocent presence served as a band-aid for your wounded heart. The most heart-wrenching part of this was knowing you couldn’t even repay him for the stability he brought you. Sachiro deserved a complete family to enrich his life, yet you—as his own biological mother—were unable to give him that. 
“Sleep tight, Sachi.” You lightly stroked his white hair before planting a soft kiss on his cheek. “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
The past few weeks had been a blur of emotions, work, and parenting—with each day blending into the next like a tornado of dull colors. You still hadn’t heard from Satoru, but the days of waiting and checking your phone for any notification from him did gradually stop. The only thing that didn’t stop replaying in your head like a broken record was the cabin incident, the very night that drew all these overthinking in your mind and in your heart. 
Returning to work did provide some distraction, but it didn’t take away the sting. It also didn’t help that your staff noticed the change in your demeanor, and how distracted you often were during your meetings and warehouse visits. Even Nobara was worried about how absentminded you had become, but you brushed off all their concerns with a forced smile. After all, staying at home would do you worse than being at work. 
Now, you were back in your office, and the soft knock on the door cut you off from your trance. It was Yuki peeking through the small opening on your door, her usual professional demeanor softened by a concerned expression. “Hey, Y/N. Do you have a minute?” she asked, stepping inside and closing the door behind her with a quiet click. 
You nodded, trying to muster a smile. “Sure, Yuki. What’s up?”
“I wanted to check in on you,” she began, taking a seat opposite your desk, “If you need to extend your vacation, please, by all means, go ahead. It’s off-season, anyway. I’ll take care of everything here while you’re focusing on yourself.”
That wasn’t really a good idea. And you shouldn’t be slacking off work when this very fashion house you establish used to be your passion, not your job. Yet here you were, losing all the inspiration to even run a business. “I don’t know if I have the energy for anything else right now.”
“Well, if you’re too worried about leaving work,” Yuki continued, her tone shifting to a more business-like note, “the progress we’ve made with Hearte is looking really promising. The new collection is getting great feedback, and our upcoming showcase is shaping up well. We’re on track for a strong quarter.”
“All because of you, Yuki.” A spark of gratitude appeared on your face. “Thanks for the update. It’s good to know things are moving in the right direction.”
She then stood up and gave you a reassuring smile. “I’m here if you need anything, Y/N. But seriously, take some time for yourself. You deserve it.”
On that same evening, you came home to your father’s mansion, and the first thing that greeted you when you entered the foyer was Gen sitting by the living room. And needless to say, her expression was a mix of concern and frustration as if she had been waiting for you to return. You weren’t really in the mood to have some back-and-forths with her, but you also didn’t like how she dropped her phone on the table and crossed her arms, her eyes narrowing at you like she was a mother who could scold you like a child.
“I’m not even gonna say anything at this point, but did you really do it with him?” Gen’s voice was low, but the disappointment was palpable. You could feel it from a few meters away. 
“What are you talking about?” you bit back, your already-terrible mood swings shifting into an unhealthy direction. 
Gen responded by pointing at her phone, gesturing for you to take a look at whatever’s on it. Reluctantly, you grabbed the device, and as you were scrolling through the screen, you stumbled upon a blind item circulating on social media. The words were vague but pointed, hinting at a scandalous encounter between two ex-spouses, both of whom were well-known figures. Great. Your heart stopped as you realized that the article was very much about you and Gojou. 
The online comments were brutal, not like you weren’t used to anonymous harassment anyway, but these ones were full of speculating and judging without knowing the full story. Everyone also seemed to be siding with “Ms. A” instead of you as though the person behind the article was clearly trying to paint you as the villain. It was written for the purpose of destroying your reputation rather than any regular exposé, and whoever wrote it was definitely someone who disliked you. 
Your shoulders slumped as you scrolled through hate comment after hate comment, a seemingly endless vitriol for someone they didn’t even know, and avoided your sister’s gaze knowing full well that seeing her expression would only make you feel worse. 
“Is it true?” your sister asked like there was even an ounce of chance that it was simply a rumor. Unfortunately, it was anything but. 
Sliding her phone back on the coffee table, you drew in a deep breath. “I can’t undo it, Gen. It happened.” 
“So, you did sleep with him? Am I hearing this right?” Gen sighed, rubbing her temples. “Do you have any idea what this could do to you? To Sachiro? People are ruthless, and now this blind item is all over the place and they’re targeting you like a punching bag!”
Your mouth felt heavy, as if it was weighed down by an invisible burden, making it difficult to form words or speak. And before you could think of a response, Ian became your temporary savior as he walked in with a calm but serious mien. “I’ve seen the post,” he said, holding up his phone. “It’s clearly defamatory, and we can take legal action. I’ll handle it.”
Even though Ian was a man of remarkable phlegm, you remained abashed, knowing that everyone’s feasting at the juicy rumor that you slept with your ex-husband. Yet, the only thing you could do was to put on a front. To save face. To act like someone you’re not. “Thank you, Ian. I’d appreciate that.”
Anticipating another lecture from Gen about Satoru, you began retreating to your room with your footsteps bouncing desperately on the grand staircase. This conversation was done. You just weren’t there to hear it anymore. However, as you climbed the stairs with a vacant mind, you could still hear your sister calling out to you.
“Y/N!” she called, her voice now tinged with concern. “I’m not going to give you a hard time. We can sort this issue out. Maturely.”
“I’m good.” Sorry, Gen. It was the anxious-avoidant side of you speaking. You didn’t want to discuss such a sensitive situation to anyone, even with your sister, because you weren’t ready to face all the negativity it would put you through. You were already dealing with enough, and going through yet another emotional turmoil might actually put you to your deathbed at this point. 
So, for now, isolating yourself from the world was the best choice. 
And as soon as you entered your room, you saw Sachiro’s nanny tucking him into bed. All your worries and self-destructive thoughts vanished in an instant the moment you looked at your son. It was like the heavens gave you your personal angel, a cute little cherub who brought nothing but light and happiness to your life. He was your sunshine, your shooting star, your bundle of joy. Nothing in this world could erase the pessimist in you than little Sachiro. 
“I got it from here.” You thanked the nanny and asked her to close the door before quickly joining your son in bed, wrapping him in a warm, comforting hug—more for your own comfort than his.
“Mama?” he asked, his voice unusually raspy, and his chest rising and falling heavily. “I mwiss you, mama!”
You pressed your lips onto his forehead. “I miss you too, my baby. How was daycare today?”
He seemed to struggle to speak too, but Sachiro still did his best to recount his day while he was trying to catch air in between his sentences. “Teacher ask Sachi to go home, mama. Sachi is tired.”
“Baby, are you okay? Are you sick?” Now, your motherly instincts kicked in immediately. You could tell something was wrong, so you reached for a thermometer from the bedside drawer to check his temperature, and listened to his breathing at the same time. “What happened to Sachi? Do you want Mommy to take you to the hospital?”
Sachiro shook his head and gave you a sleepy smile. “No, mama. Sachi is just sweepy.”
When the thermometer beeped, you were relieved to see that his temperature was normal. “Are you having trouble breathing, my sweetheart?” You looked into his droopy eyes and gently placed your hand on his chest. 
Once again, Sachiro shook his head. Maybe you were just overthinking. He often ran around the house or played in the bathtub before bed, which could explain why he seemed out of breath. It wasn’t the first time it happened. 
“Okay, Sachi. Go to sleep now. Close your eyes, baby.”
“Night night, mama.”
For now, you turned off the night lamp, and headed to the bathroom in silent and careful steps. It was quiet enough indeed, but in your head was an awful noise you couldn’t escape. And stepping into the shower only increased the warfare in your mind, as it immediately brought images of Satoru and Akemi back in the cabin, the harsh comments from the article, and the lack of contact from your ex-husband which all overwhelmed you at once. By now, he would have already seen that article. Nanami or Miwa might have already alerted him about it. But the fact that he said nothing, the fact that he let the public scrutinize you, destroy you with such vile, hurtful words behind their screens brought you a kind of pain that you wouldn’t wish upon anyone else. 
Because if it was Akemi in that position, he would have defended her in a heartbeat. 
So in your silence, under the cascading water of the shower, you let the tears flow—its warmth distinguishable compared to the cold droplets falling on you. If only you had successfully drowned yourself that night at the lake. If only Satoru didn’t pull you back in, none of this would have happened. 
That moment was deeply poignant to you, and you saw him in a new light you thought you would never see again because of the darkness of your past. Yet, with the events that followed your special moment, memories eventually turned into spite. Your sweet exchange twisted into something bitter. Looking back at that time when he kissed you at the lake now made you feel nauseous and hollow inside, with bile forming on your throat and threatening to be retched. 
The most gut-wrenching part about this was the fact that there wasn’t anyone left who could rescue you from this abyss of heartache anymore. 
——
There had been a sense of detachment in your emotions in the following days that passed, almost as though they belonged to a stranger inhabiting your body. Toji, the only person who comforted you at times like these, was no longer by your side to fulfill the warmth you once desperately sought, and now you were alone to face this cruel, mind-numbing battle all by yourself. It was you against the world. You against the entire populace inhabiting this living hell. And with that many enemies against one, how could you win? 
It was quite funny, actually, that your humor took a surprising turn when you thought of how Sera must have felt when it was revealed to the public that she was Satoru’s mistress. The irony didn’t even stop at your thoughts alone, it manifested itself outside Hearte’s headquarters, wearing a pink puffer jacket and a white prairie skirt. 
“Sera?” you blurted out her name in wonder, nonplussed as you got out of the car to approach her.
“Hey, Y/N.” She offered a casual smile while carrying an air of sophistication around her. That wasn’t the only thing that changed about Sera. Her hair was also shorter than the last you saw her, her face now sporting a more natural makeup, and her outfit a more modest yet classy choice. It was no longer the Sera who tried hard to fit in amongst the upper echelon of society, but a Sera who seemed to be satisfied at her current standing in life. 
What an awkward encounter. Was her presence your hypocritical reminder for sleeping with Satoru behind Akemi’s back? 
“What are you doing here?” you asked. 
And she answered with, “I read about what happened. You know, the thing on the internet.” She took a moment to pause, probably trying to choose the right words to say to her previous adversary. Because in a way, you two weren’t exactly friends. And you were no longer rivals either. Satoru was the only common denominator here, and Sera proved her exact sentiments about him by saying, “I just wanted to let you know that I understand your side. It’s a tough situation.”
You looked at her, searching for any hint of insincerity, but found none. “You were once on my spot,” you pointed out and gauged whether or not she would take the bait. For all you know, she could be putting on an act. “I’m assuming you’re here to rub it in my face how much of a hypocrite I am.” 
“No, that’s not it.” Sera was vehemently denying any malice on her intentions, and was instead trying to show you the sympathy of a woman who was once caught in the same predicament. “Look, I know it’s weird that I’m here out of all people. But the truth is, I just had to let you know that someone’s on your side. I’ve met the girl, okay? That… whoever she is. I don’t remember her name, and I hate having to pit two women against each other, but I’m telling you it’s about time you cut Satoru off your life. Completely. She doesn’t look like someone who’d easily let go. You’re just gonna suffer, Y/N.” 
Perhaps three years was too far back in your life and that tables could turn in a direction that you didn’t expect, as you could recall fragments of memories from when your only dilemma was dealing with Satoru and Sera in your marriage. She used to be besotted with your ex-husband back then. But now, it wasn’t until you heard the way she spoke about him that you realized she must be harboring a grudge deeper than you had imagined. After all, he did ruin her life in ways you couldn’t imagine. And her advice, though unsolicited, made sense. Because you could understand where she was going with it. You could see the true intentions clearly conveyed by her face.
The only problem here was that you didn’t have it in your heart to agree with her. You were too much of an empathic person to be taking sides, even if the supposed villain in this painting was the ex-husband who, time and time again, hurt you. Your heart stubbornly cared for Satoru deep down, and your wifely instinct of defending him no matter how poorly he acted had always been there. No one could hate Satoru more than you did, that was true, but you also weren’t very accepting of hearing others describe him as this ruthless, cheating bastard. 
That was the reason why talking to Gen had eventually exhausted you. Because no one knew the real Satoru Gojou behind his facade of an irresponsible and reckless husband. 
“Now that you’re here…” The idea to redirect the conversation to another topic struck you, unwilling to engage in a conversation that pushed Satoru in a bad light. “Would you be interested in being a model for our upcoming campaign? We’re launching a new collection, and I think you’d be perfect.”
Sera’s eyes were an amalgam of confusion and surprise. “Uh, I mean… I’d love to, but why so sudden?” 
“You have the face for it.” You shrugged, but still sent a smile her way. “Are you working right now? If not, this could open doors for you to be discovered by modeling agencies. I’m closely tied with them since I work in the fashion industry, so I can do a few calls if you want.” 
“Hold on, I’m—” Sera touched her head, laughing as if she were dreaming this conversation. “Y/N, you’re doing too much here. I mean, I’d obviously love that, but wouldn’t it be awkward? People know me as your ex-husband’s mistress, and if they recognize me in Hearte ads, I’m sure as hell those fuck ass netizens won’t stop talking about it.”
She had a point, a very good point, but then again, your suggestion was only brought up because you had to change the topic. “Well, it’s just an offer to consider in the future.” 
“And I appreciate you always extending a hand to help me even if I did you wrong in the past,” she said, feelings of shame lacing her voice. “I haven’t forgotten about what you did for my brother, that’s why I’m here. I’m not your enemy anymore, Y/N.”
Just then, the roaring engine of a classic red Ferrari pulled up to the curb, interrupting the unexpected conversation you were having with your ex-husband’s former mistress. The window rolled down to reveal a pink-haired man whom you recognized as Ryomen Sukuna, an up and coming tech mogul, that Toji had mentioned about many times before. His eyes were only on one woman alone, and it wasn’t you. “Ready to go, babe?”
Honestly, good for Sera. No wonder her aura had become different. They seemed to be in a stable committed relationship, something that you could only ever dream about. If karma was truly real, this was the perfect example for it. 
In the back seat, you spotted a younger boy who looked exactly like Sukuna and, surprisingly, Megumi, the son of your ex-fiancé. Really? How many more people were you going to ‘coincidentally’ run into today? 
“Hello, miss!” the other boy called out cheerfully, while Megumi offered a polite nod. You replied with a wave, feeling a small sense of normalcy in their innocent presence.
“I gotta get going, Y/N,” excused Sera, gesturing a civil goodbye. 
But as she moved to get into the car, your phone buzzed in your pocket. A single glance at the screen made your heart drop. It was a call from the hospital.
“Hello?” you answered almost immediately, pressing the phone on your ears with a tight push.
“Ms. Y/N, this is the hospital. Your son, Sachiro Gojou, is in the ICU. We need you to come as soon as possible.”
Your stomach contracted into a tight ball as you stood rigid with terror. Then and there, the world seemed to tilt on its axis. “Wh-What do you mean he’s in the hospital?!” you managed to shout, swept by horripilation from the sudden news. “What happened to my son?! What’s—!” 
Sera’s concerned gaze met yours as you desperately yelled into the phone, hyperventilating. Your trembling hand was threatening to drop the phone. “Y/N, is everything okay?”
“My son… I… he…,” you stammered, your voice shaky with fear and urgency. Your muscles locked in a momentary paralysis, eyes wide with astonishment, and surprise rendering you immobile. The thought of Sachiro in a critical state was about to make you faint, with the last bits of images you saw that afternoon were of Sera and her boyfriend rushing to catch you from completely falling to the ground. 
——
Megumi didn’t know how to deliver the bad news. 
He came home after Yuuji’s brother rushed you to the hospital, shocked by everything that happened in a span of a single day. His mind was aching from all the thinking he was doing; praying that little Sachiro will be fine, hoping that you would stay strong throughout, and lastly, wondering how he would break it to his dad that something terrible had happened. 
His father wasn’t exactly the greatest man to tread this Earth, especially not after the drunken words he had ‘mistakenly’ uttered to you that night in Miami that resulted in your separation. Yes, Megumi knew every word and detail. His father told him everything just as a sober man would. Did you really think that the Toji Zen’in you knew would sputter that utter nonsense to you? That you had an empty soul. That he couldn’t be with someone like you. That you would forever be a placeholder to Megumi’s mother. Bullshit. None of those were true. His father told him that the reason he had to say those words, as piercing and trenchant as they may be, was because it was the only way he could free you from being caged in a relationship your heart didn’t genuinely want. 
It was Toji’s last resort to hurt you with his words, hoping that you would wake up from your false fantasy and finally have a reason to leave a relationship with a man that wasn’t Satoru Gojou. If Megumi’s father wasn’t at the top of the list of Forbes’ richest men in Japan, he would have felt a great deal of inferiority complex over a younger man like Gojou. Not because of his looks and his riches, but because he had you. No matter what Satoru did, no matter how many times he hurt you, he was and would always be that man you wanted to be with. 
Sighing, Megumi’s first task upon coming home was to check on his father’s room, only to find the dark room void of its owner. When he made his way down the grand staircase, he met an ill-spirited Naoya who was ranting to Mai about Sera flaunting Sukuna in front of his face. Megumi’s sigh was then followed by another. The drama in this house was relentless. He felt like he was exhaling endlessly, like a malfunctioning appliance. 
“Where’s dad?” asked Megumi, directing her question to a more rational Maki. 
The tall, green-haired girl gave him a knowing shrug. “You already know,” she said, “Drowning himself in alcohol down at the bar.” 
As always. 
Megumi jogged around the estate to eventually find his father at one of the wet bars near his home office. He was there, seated on a stool, his head drooping low with a glass of premium scotch in hand. How many glasses he’d had, Megumi could only hope the numbers weren't that high. But upon approaching his father, his presence was barely acknowledged as he sat on the stool next to him, suggesting that the grown man might be more inebriated than his son had expected.
“Dad,” spoke the Zen’in heir, “Dad, you good?” 
Toji lifted his head up, three sheets to the wind, as a smile crept up on his scarred lips. “Son.” 
“Let me take that.” Megumi grabbed a hold of the glass of scotch, sliding the strong liquor away from his father. “There’s something I ought to tell you.” 
Toji stayed nonchalant, sitting upright and tapping his fingers on the counter. “What’s it about this time?” he asked. “I’ve told you, I can’t stop the elders from arranging your marriage unless you’re honest with me about someone you like. I know you have someone in mind, but you’re not saying who. Are you just shy?”
Megumi gave his father a look of exasperation. He’s rambling, he thought, frustrated with his father’s inebriated chattering. “It’s not about that. It’s about Y/N-san.”
The mention of your name was the only thing that made Toji's demeanor shift to one of genuine concern. “What happened?”
“Sachi’s in a critical condition,” the younger Zen’in went straight to the point, “Y/N-san went manic over it and fainted before we could get her to the hospital.”
Toji was quick to grab his coat and car keys, as if all the alcohol in his system had immediately evaporated. But before he could leave, Megumi caught his father’s arm and pulled him back. 
“What?” said Toji, concern and urgency blanketing his gaze. “I need to be with her.” 
“Do you really need to?” Megumi countered. “Dad, I know it’s not right for me to stop you in this crucial situation, but are you gonna do this every time she’s in trouble? Do you plan to do this forever? Do you plan to keep drowning yourself in alcohol thinking about her? We care for her like family, that’s true, but you and her aren’t a thing anymore. Your responsibilities in taking care of her should stop, too. You, yourself, said it’d be best if she stopped being reliant on you. Now, do yourself a favor and stop trying to be this pathetic superhero.” 
The concern etching on Tojis’s face softened into a sense of realization, a sense of candidness that only someone as straightforward as his own son could evoke. Megumi had to, not because he didn’t care for you anymore, but because he had to ensure he wouldn’t lose his father over a relationship that had already ended. Toji was the only real family Megumi had left. 
“Stay, dad,” he pleaded, “Please.”
Toji took a deep breath and released it in the same second. “Okay,” he softly said, ruffling his son’s hair. “I won’t leave.” 
——
Why is it that you keep attracting things, places, and people that you disliked the most? 
You hated hospitals, and you had spoken about it enough to make it clear how much you dreaded going to a place where your worst memories had taken root. Yet, the sterile environment seemed to beckon you, dragging you back with a new nightmare each time. It was beyond your worst fears that you would find yourself racing through the halls mere minutes after regaining consciousness, desperately trying to reach where your son was.
Please be okay. Please be okay. 
Frantically, you scanned the corridors, searching for the ICU and hoping that what you had just heard was nothing more than a cruel illusion, that this was all just a nightmare. You weren’t a deeply devout person, but you did send prayers to every saint you could think of, hoping that Sachiro’s current state wasn’t in the median between life and death. 
Because if you lost your son, then there was no point in living anymore. This life wouldn’t be worth enduring. 
“Y/N!”
You weren’t the first one to arrive outside the pediatric ICU, with Gen and your father already being there moments before you came. You were struggling to breathe by the time you reached them, feeling your heart race with a thunderous beat. “Gen… Dad, what h-happened to him?” You couldn’t stop the weakness in your voice. “Tell me he’s fine, please. Please. My baby. If anything h-happens to him, I’m g-gonna die, Gen! I c-can’t h-have that!”
Gen quickly enveloped you in a tight embrace, trying to offer any form of comfort she could. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Dad and I are just as shocked.” She held you closer, her voice trembling as she, too, was just as anxious as you. “Sachi refused to eat and complained about having a hard time breathing. He was so pale and his lips were blue. We knew we had to rush him to the hospital immediately.”
“Oh my God.” Your hand flew to your mouth, trying to stifle the uncontrollable cries that were escaping. The news of Sachiro developing cyanosis shattered your heart, and the crushing reality that you weren’t there to take care of him tore you apart. “My baby, no. No, no. H-He—”
“Y/N!” 
Out of breath and also visibly shaken was the father of your son, Satoru, who came running to your side the moment his eyes landed on you. Behind him was his mother, clutching a rosary in her hand as both of them were seemingly shell-shocked in the same magnitude as you and your family were. Everyone cared for Sachiro’s well-being, everyone prayed for his safety, and the thought of losing an angel like your son was a soul-crushing thought that sent you slipping into a chasm of suffering.  
“Wh-What happened to Sachi?” Satoru asked in desperation, his question raised to everyone in the vicinity—you, your family, the nurses. But no one could give him a decent answer. “Please, tell me my son’s alright. Tell me.” 
You watched him walk in circles, raking his fingers through his hair as if he was seeking anything to hold onto. And you, feeling that magnet that pulled you closer to him, broke away from Gen’s embrace to look at your son’s father. “Satoru…” 
“Y/N,” his voice cracked as he met your gaze, “Our son.” He stopped, ready to wrap you in a hug—a moment of solace you both desperately needed in this critical time. But just as he pulled you close in a fragile attempt to find comfort together, the door to the ICU swung open, abruptly ending the brief respite.
All of you immediately rushed over to the doctor, the sterile white walls and the distant hum of hospital machinery did nothing to calm the turmoil inside you. 
“Doctor, how’s he?” 
“How’s my grandson, doc?”
“Doc, my son, is he okay?” 
“Is he stable, doc?” 
“Doctor, how’s my son, please?” you asked, your body growing tense to the point of shaking.
The doctor took a deep breath, his expression serious amidst the fusillade of questions thrown at him. “We’re currently running a series of tests on the patient. We suspect Sachiro may have congenital heart disease, specifically a ventricular septal defect with associated pulmonary hypertension.”
No, it can’t be. It’s not possible! The words hit you like a punch to the gut. You struggled to process the information, your vision blurring with tears and your heart drumming a rapid staccato inside. You didn’t need to look at everyone to know that they all, for a moment, looked at you. “Heart disease? But… how? I didn’t think—”
“Can you explain more, doc? Please.” Gojou was desperate, his bright blue eyes now dull and severely clouded with a brewing storm. It was as if he was keeping himself from crying.
The doctor continued gently, “VSD is a condition where there’s a hole in the heart’s ventricular septum. It can lead to pulmonary hypertension, which means the blood pressure in the lungs is elevated. It’s a serious condition, but we’re doing everything we can to assess the extent and provide the best treatment.”
“N-No, oh God. My baby.” You felt your knees go weak, and you sank down against the wall, with more tears cascading down your cheeks like waterfall. The weight of the diagnosis was crushing, but the hardest part was realizing that this was something you had unknowingly passed on to Sachiro. The heart disease was inherited from you and had now manifested in your beloved son.
It’s my fault. It’s my fault! 
The doctor placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “We’ll keep you updated as soon as we have more information. Please, try to stay calm, Y/N. It’s not best for your heart to panic right now. Sachiro is in good hands.”
You were unable to speak through the sobs that wracked your body. The hospital corridor felt endless, and you couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt and helplessness that consumed you. You could feel all eyes on you, judging, harboring hatred, carrying deep-rooted resentment. You were torn apart by the knowledge that the very thing you had feared most was now a reality for your son.
“It’s… It’s my fault,” you sobbed, covering your face with your quivering hands, “This is all my fault. I gave it to Sachiro, I… I’m a terrible mother!” 
Gen knelt beside you, her hands gripping your shoulders with a firm yet gentle touch. “Y/N, stop it. This is not your fault. You didn’t choose this for Sachiro.”
Your father, who had been pacing anxiously nearby, joined in. “Your sister’s right. You’re blaming yourself for something beyond your control. We’re all here for you. We’ll figure this out.”
But amidst your familial exchange, Satoru stood nearby, frozen and listless. His silence only added to the overwhelming distress. Was he also blaming you for what Sachiro was going through right now? Was he also angry at you for putting his son into this critical situation? 
Suddenly, a familiar voice cut through the commotion—voice that was equally harsh and spiteful. It was Satoru’s mother, boring her fiery eyes into your skull as she opened her mouth. “That’s right! You’re self-aware, aren’t you?” she spat and stood rigidly, arms crossed defensively over her chest. “This is all your fault. You’re such an irresponsible mother! You can’t even take care of my grandson properly, and now you’ve passed your disease onto him!”
You looked up in shock, seeing Satoru’s mother standing there with a disdainful expression. The sting of her words felt like a knife twisting in your heart, because they were true. They were painful, yes, but they were true. And all you could do was lower yourself until you were sitting on your haunches, trying to make yourself as small as possible. 
“Excuse me?!” Gen stood up, her eyes blazing with anger that came from the deepest pits of hell. “You’re unbelievable, Auntie. How dare you speak to my sister like that! You have no right to blame her for this. I hope to God it was you in the ICU right now instead of Sachiro!”
“You…!” 
Satoru’s mother raised a hand to slap Gen, but your father stepped forward, his face a mix of disbelief and indignation. “This is despicable. How can you stand here and say such things to someone who’s already suffering? Weren’t you friends with my wife once?”
Satoru, who had been standing still, suddenly moved with a menacing calm. His face was hard as stone, and his eyes narrowed in anger. What was scarier was him approaching his mother with a threatening stance. “Are you really this pathetic, mother?” Satoru questioned with a cold, cutting tone. “Do you get off on making Y/N suffer? Do you think you’ve gotten away with slapping her behind my back? You don’t get to blame Y/N for anything. Any fucking thing!”
His mother’s eyes widened in shock, but she tried to defend herself at the ruthless stance her son was carrying. All of you were stunned at the realization of how Satoru resembled his cruel father at that moment. “B-But Satoru, my son—”
“Shut up!” Satoru cut her off, his voice harsh and unforgiving, before he threw his cold knuckles against the hard surface of the concrete wall. “I don’t want to see your face ever again! Don’t consider yourself my mother any longer, you witch. You’ve lost that privilege.”
This took a wild turn, and hearing the brutality of Satoru’s words was like a thunderclap in the tense atmosphere. His mother’s face turned pale, her mouth opening and closing in shock as she struggled to respond.
“Get out of here,” Satoru commanded, his voice uncaring towards her. “Leave, and don’t ever come back. You’re nobody to me now.”
With that, Satoru’s mother turned and fled, stumbling down the corridor as if she was the victim in this situation. However, the tension in the air began to dissipate as soon as she left, leaving you, Satoru, Gen, and your father in a heavy silence. Only your sniffles could be heard. 
Even Gen, who was often hostile around your ex-husband, had remained quiet and composed after she watched him take such drastic measures to keep his mother away.
Everyone was silent. Pure, unbothered silence until Satoru’s phone began to buzz loudly, cutting through the stillness of the hallway. For a moment, he closed his eyes, then he fished his phone out of his pocket where you caught a glimpse of the caller ID. 
Akemi. 
——
The ICU only allowed short visits and one person at a time, so there was no need for everyone to stay the night. You were the parent, you were the one responsible for your son’s situation, so you insisted it was best for your dad and Gen to go home and get some rest. You didn’t mind watching over your son for the whole night, because coming home without him was the last thing you would do right now.
My precious angel.
Sachiro lay in the hospital bed, his small chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. The doctors had managed to stabilize him for now, and the sight of his heart monitor showing a stable rhythm was a small comfort amidst the chaos.
Still, you sat by his bedside, mindful of your timed visit as your hands gently held his tiny ones, feeling the warmth of his small fingers. You glanced down at the medical report on your other hand, trying to make sense of the complex terms and figures.
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The words blurred together as your tears fell silently onto the paper. “I’m sorry, baby.” He didn’t deserve this. He’s just a baby. “Mommy’s very sorry.”
You tried to stay strong, putting on a brave face for your son, but inside, you were falling apart. It was impossible not to blame yourself over this, wishing you could do more than just be present around him. This was the comeuppance of your own actions after you focused on your own emotions for the past few weeks to the point of neglecting your son’s wellbeing. If you had been more present in his life, if you had been more observant, you would have easily noticed the signs. Now, you allowed Satoru to find a flaw in your duty as a mother, and he could cite this very event as evidence to get full custody of him. That is, if he were to ever consider taking your son away from you. 
But in the first place, he should be the last person to do that, because where exactly was he now? 
Your thoughts kept drifting back to the earlier scene, where he excused to answer Akemi’s call, and later that night told you he had to leave and “check something” urgently. He promised he’d be back before midnight, but where was he? 
Resentment began to fester within you.
You had been very perceptive of Akemi’s feelings, apologetic in the way you supposedly betrayed her, but the fact that she was still scrambling for Satoru’s attention in the midst of your son’s hospitalization was something you could never forgive her for. 
And as for Sachiro’s father, how could he prioritize another woman when his own son was in such a critical state? The confusion of his actions was overwhelming. It felt like a cruel deja vu that, at a time when you needed him the most, he was choosing to be elsewhere. You could accept it if it was a choice between you and another woman, but between his son and her? His behavior was unacceptable, disgusting even, and it only served to deepen your grudge against him.
You clenched your fists, trying to push away the surge of anger that threatened to consume you after seeing that the disparity in his actions felt like both a betrayal and a slap to the face. Your poor son. You stared at Sachiro’s peaceful face and stroked his cheek. How could Satoru be so indifferent to his own flesh and blood?
The room was silent except for the soft beeping of the heart monitor and your quiet sobs. The situation was almost too much to bear, and your resentment towards Gojou grew heavier by the second. Each minute felt like a lifetime, and the emptiness left by his absence was a constant reminder that yet again he chose another woman over his own family.
It’s okay. You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. I won’t leave you, Sachi. For Sachiro’s sake, you needed to find the strength to carry on, to be the mother he needed in this moment of crisis and never again failing to be there for your only child. 
At exactly 10:30 pm, the nurse came in and told you visiting hours were over. You complied. 
At 11:00 pm, Ian paid you a quick visit and talked to the nurses, perhaps giving them reminders to look after you. 
At 12:00 am, you were alone again. Seated at one of the benches outside the ICU—sleepless, starving, and nauseous. 
At 2:00 am, you remained in your seat despite the sterile smell of antiseptic mingling with your own discomfort. The flickering fluorescent lights above did little to help you get some proper sleep. The cold air-conditioning alao made you shiver slightly, hugging your own body to try and give yourself some warmth. 
At 4:00 am, you awakened from the noise of the movements beside you. Realizing you had fallen asleep, you looked up and saw Satoru taking a seat to your left. His coat was draped over his arm, and he offered it to you.
“Are you cold?” he asked, his voice softer than usual, but you could see the bags under his eyes suggesting the sleepless nights he’d had for the past few days. “You can use my coat.”
You took the coat, but as you caught a whiff of it, a familiar scent of Akemi’s perfume lingered. Rose Prick by Tom Ford. It was a scent you’d come to recognize after your years of being her best friend, and it made your stomach turn slightly. Without any hesitation, you handed the coat back to him. “No, thank you. I’m fine,” you replied, avoiding his gaze. Looking into his eyes was the last thing you would do. 
And you knew Satoru was sighing, but didn’t press the issue. “The nurse mentioned you haven’t eaten today.” He pulled out a small bag of assorted fruits, placing it gently on the seat between you. You eyed the offerings, feeling a pang of hunger but also a strange aversion. “I bought some fruit. Is there anything you like?”
You took a deep breath and broke the silence with a hint of sarcasm. “You’re really good at this, huh?”
“At what?” was his immediate question, puzzled.
“Hitting two birds with one stone.”
“Y/N…”
“Stop trying to take care of me,” you interrupted, your tone sharper than intended. “ I don’t need it.”
“But—”
You swallowed the lump in your throat. “You can’t even be here for Sachi. You can’t even choose your son. He’s in a life and death situation and we’re still only receiving scraps of your attention.” It was the deep-seated grudge spilling out of you. “You’re so good at abandoning people, huh? Even though that’s what you hate the most. You’re so good at disappearing without even a text or call to check on me and our son. After that night at the cabin, you just…” you paused, realizing that you were opening too much of your heart to a man who didn’t deserve it. “Forget it. Just go home to Akemi. Live a happy life, build a family with her. Forget us. I don’t care. I’ll take care of Sachiro myself. I’ve done it for three years!”
“Y/N, I’m not trying to hurt you. I just…” Satoru fumbled for words, his somber blue eyes bearing the history of your shared heartbreak. It was as though the painful memories of your past were flooding his thoughts, seeking justification as to why he couldn’t pick you again this time. “I had to be there for her. She’s…”
You turned away before he could see your expression, because your heart was splintering at the thought of Satoru Gojou shattering it once more. As he always did. There seemed to be no end to this relentless heartbreak, as if any hope of a happy ever after with the man you loved would only return a pain that was a hundred times worse. Perhaps, this was destiny’s way of telling you that you and him weren’t meant to be. That any wishful thinking of being with Satoru again was only something that you could expect in another universe.
So, in your defense, you had to pull on a facade. A mask that you had to wear in the face of being the target of never-ending despair. “Satoru, I don’t want to talk about it,” you said firmly, concealing the raw ache in your voice with a smile. “And I don’t expect you to choose me every time. It’s okay. It’s happened before.”
“Can’t you see I’m hurting, too?” he asked, his voice breaking. Though you couldn’t see his face, the tremor in his voice revealed his struggle to hold back tears. 
You couldn’t understand why he would be hurting with his decision. When faced with two crossroads, he always seemed to pick the path that led away from you. So instead of trying to comprehend his pain, you decided it was time to honor your own. For your sake. For Sachiro’s. 
“Let’s just forget about that night,” you declared, wiping your eyes as you got up from your seat and prepared to walk away. “From this day forward, let’s pretend it never happened.”
——
Akemi’s apartment was dark when Satoru stepped inside. 
And to be honest, the darkness was a relief. At least, she wouldn’t be able to see the lassitude etched on his face, not just from juggling his time between his son and her, but from the constant ache of hurting the person he loved.
Miscommunication is a couple’s greatest enemy, and the persistent disconnect between you two, coupled with the reluctance to clear things up, had worn Satoru down. He wanted to end this—the feeling of helplessness and the torment of seeing the woman he cared for caught in a labyrinth of despair.
The hospital visits to Sachiro alone had been a whirlwind of emotions and responsibilities, and this brief visit to Akemi felt like an unwelcome detour, but one he couldn’t avoid. Satoru knew his heart wanted to stay in the hospital with you, to wait for any updates on his son, to hold your hand and care for you, yet here he was, dragging his feet across the carpeted floors to approach Akemi. 
“Hey.” She was sitting on the couch, looking frail but alert as if she had been desperately waiting on his arrival. She had recently started treatment for her stage 3 endometrial cancer, and Satoru could see the toll it was taking on her, physically and emotionally. He would be cruel to leave her hanging like this, to neglect her at her worst when she had been there by his side at his. Satoru had an unspoken accountability on her, because it wouldn’t be fair for him to just abandon her after she poured all her heart and soul into helping Gojou get back onto his own feet.  
“Hey, ‘Kemi,” he said, his tone soft but distant. “Did you take your meds today?”
Akemi looked up at him, her eyes tired and heavy. “I did. I took them just like the doctor said. How’s Sachiro?”
Gojou’s expression tightened. “He’s holding steady at the moment.”
A heavy silence settled between them before Akemi broke the tension. “I’m glad he’s stable,” she said, quietly. “Are you okay?”
He nodded once, his mind already drifting back to the hospital. “Yeah. Listen, I need to head back soon. Nanami and Miwa will be alternating in looking after you from now on. They’ll make sure you’re okay while I’m dealing with Sachiro. I have to focus on my son.”
Akemi’s frail hand reached out to gently grip his arm, the other held her lower abdomen in pain. “Satoru, please don’t go just yet. Can’t you stay a little longer?”
Now’s not the time to feel guilty. It was either her or Sachiro. Her or his son. Gojou decided to pull his arm away gently, his gaze distant. “Sachiro needs me, Akemi. You know that.”
Akemi’s face fell, but she knew it would be ridiculous to argue over that. “No, I understand. I get that. I want you to focus on Sachi, too. I just wish—” Before she could finish, her voice faltered, and she looked up at him with a hesitant gaze. “Satoru, do you regret that I took you back even if you cheated on me?”
The question caught him off guard, and Satoru’s blue eyes narrowed as he processed her words. He had been so focused on his responsibilities and the immediate crisis that he hadn’t given much thought to their ‘relationship’. All he knew was when he showed up at her doorstep back at the cabin, he was only going to try and end things with her. He was only going to clarify the longstanding feelings you and him poured out to each other that night, which was why he ended up sleeping with his ex-wife. But because Akemi suffered at the time, because her pelvic pain worsened to the point of an emergency, he had to hold back and just take care of her in the weeks that passed. He was caged in this situation like a prisoner who was found guilty for the crimes he had committed.
Just be honest, Satoru. Disregard everything else and just be honest. Satoru believed it was about time he stood his ground no matter the consequences. “You can’t take me back if we’re not together, ‘Kemi,” he breathed out those words, reticent on hurting her with the truth. If she would lash out on him, throw a vase on his head, slam a book on his face—he wouldn’t mind. He was ready to accept all the violence he deserved from being an asshole. “You knew from the start that this, us, was only temporary. It was never supposed to be serious.” 
Her expressions turned doleful. “Then, in that case, did you at least…” Tears welled up in her eyes as she she paused, “Did you at least love me?”
“I just… I never saw it that way, Akemi.” Satoru’s honesty would destroy her, but he didn’t want to keep on sending out false hopes. He had to be firm, and while he was grateful for everything she did for him, that doesn’t mean he owed her his life and loyalty. In the first place, he warned her that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. And God, he was far from ready to even settle down, yet Akemi constantly hinted at wanting to tie the knot with him. Again and again did she mention the thought of a wedding and a child and her own family. 
Satoru wanted all those things too, but with another person in mind. He was only set on having those things with one woman.
Akemi’s face paled upon hearing his answer and the fact that he didn’t even bother to explain himself. “I see. I guess I needed to hear that.”
Gojou looked at her with a mix of regret and sympathy. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you like this, I really do.”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”
It definitely wasn’t fine, but Satoru had to take her word for it as he got out from the couch and gave her a gentle pat on the head. “I have to go. Nanami will be here soon. Please make sure to follow the treatment plan and take care of yourself.”
Akemi nodded, though her gaze remained fixed on the floor, unable to meet his eyes. “Alright. I’ll see him when he gets here.”
As Gojou turned to leave, he felt a pang of guilt twisting deep in his gut but pushed it aside. He was a father first before anything else. Sachiro would always be his first and foremost priority amongst everything else. 
——
After leaving Akemi’s place, Satoru was driving his car into the evening air beyond the speed limit. And his mind was racing together with him as he thought of you, your son, and the myriad of emotions he was struggling to manage. He couldn’t wait to be home, not literally at his own place, but anywhere with you and his son was his definition of home. 
It would be diabolical for him to run into your arms and yell, ‘I’m free! We can be together again!’ No, that would be cruel and disgusting. He respected Akemi just as he respected you. It was himself that he couldn’t respect, because he was the one responsible for the mess that he created. And adding Sachiro’s critical condition on top of the already festering wounds in your relationship? It truly was the manifestation of karma in his actions. 
His footsteps bounced through the hospital corridors the moment he arrived, each impatient step was ready to see your face and tell you he would never leave you and Sachiro now. But as he neared the pediatric ICU, his eyes darted around, the sight of his ex-wife was nowhere to be found. And instinctively, his heart pounded in his chest, and a drum of panic seemed to warn him of a storm that was about to come. Something was off, and it scared him. 
“Nurse,” he called out, his voice edged with urgency as he approached their station. “Where’s my wife? The boy’s mother?”
The nurse looked up, recognizing the infamous CEO’s face. “Uh, Mr. Gojou, she was heading to the rooftop, I think.”
“What?!” he unintentionally yelled at her face, “Why didn’t you guys keep an eye on her?” 
“Sir, calm down. She’s probably going to get some fresh air.”
A cold chill ran down his spine. You were definitely not there for that. 
Without another word, he sprinted towards the stairs, taking them two at a time instead of waiting at an elevator together with a group of people. He had to get to you as soon and as fast as he could without another second to waste. Although the climb felt endless, his mind racing with fear and dread was the push he needed to finally reach you. 
And upon bursting through the door to the rooftop, he was met with the soft whisper of the evening wind and the heart-stopping sight of you standing perilously close to the edge.
“Y/N!” he called out, his voice breaking with desperation. “Don’t do this. Please, step back.”
You stood motionless, eyes fixed on the distant horizon, the city lights blurring into a kaleidoscope of sorrow. “The world hates me, Satoru,” you whispered, the mellow tone of your voice carried away by the wind. “I’m a burden to everyone, even my own child. I-I just… I want to end it all.”
“No!” Satoru’s heart shattered at your words while he moved closer, his hands outstretched and careful not to startle or provoke you. He was dying to have you in his arms and keep you safe. “Y/N, please. Come back. What about Sachi? What about me? We need you. Sachiro needs you. I need you.”
What exactly made you go here? How did thoughts of ending yourself suddenly come into fruition? Was there something you discovered that brought you to this ultimatum? Gojou was desperate, utterly desperate, to hear what was running through your mind so that he could at least ease the burden that you were carrying all by yourself. He was once in the position where he wanted to commit too, and he knew the temptation that came with permanently escaping the cruelty of the world in just a single action. 
“Y/N, please. Please, I’m begging. Come to me,” he rattled on in a suffocating whisper, the pleading in his voice was heavy, “Please. I love you. Only you.”  
It was when you turned around that Gojou’s world collapsed, and the words you said after had shattered his entire universe. 
They were still. 
You. 
And the wind. 
“I’m pregnant,” you finally confessed, voice cracking as you looked at the faint tears that fell from Satoru’s eyes. “I don’t wanna have this baby.” 
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minus-plus-zer0 · 3 months ago
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Accidentally Sleeping Together
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♡ Genre: Fluff, suggestive ♡ Pairing: Bakugou x Reader (Imagine the bunny on the right is Bakugou, afraid of you waking up O-o)
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Bakugou's arms curled tight around you, his sleepy fingers running across your skin rhythmically. It took his similarly sleepy brain a couple of seconds before he realized that this wasn't a beautiful dream.
This was real.
Bakugou leapt off you, his back slamming into his dorm wall. He rubbed the back of his head, swore several expletives at nothing in particular, and then assessed the damage.
You slept together last night. He didn't remember if it was an accident or if you two... did something, but his head was not 100% there yet in the morning.
You were even slower than him to wake, but he could see your figure rustling, and all he could think was "Crap, crap, crap, crap!" It was like he was pinned against the wall. Even if he had an easy exit route, he couldn't exactly walk out on you without proving his innocence first. Or making sure you were okay.
You finally opened your eyes, wiping them. Tentatively, Bakugou spoke.
"Hey, we need to--"
You shrieked and Bakugou cringed from the noise. You sat upright, whipping your head around like it was on a swivel, pure shock on your cute little face. Bakugou was the same amount of scared, but unlike you he was frozen.
"What did we do?!" you cried.
"I don't know!"
"Did we sleep together?!"
"I don't fucking know!"
Bakugou's heart was racing. The fact that you even considered sleeping with him as a possible event within this point of space and time just totally befuddled him. If this whole ordeal didn't screw over his chances with you, then his stupidly hopeful heart could take this as a good sign.
He chose his next words very carefully.
"Did we?" he asked, a little eyebrow cocked and his voice low.
You stared at him, the gears turning in your adorable thoughtless head. He wondered what things you were thinking right now. Your face was normally pure and innocent and cute, but your mind was typically evil and mischievous and always thinking of ways to prank and tease him, so it was hard to say what was happening in there at this exact moment. But being your best friend and all, he had some ideas of what you were probably thinking of.
He shouldn't be focusing on that right now though. Although you didn't look uncomfortable or creeped out, you were the type of person who'd struggle to voice your negative thoughts in a time like this. And as your best friend, Bakugou had to make sure you were okay. It was like, his calling in life.
"You alright?" he asked, snapping you out of your reverie. "I would never take advantage of you. You know that, right?"
"I know," you said, almost immediately. Bakugou was a little proud of your trust and your strong connection together.
"Are you okay?" he asked, again.
"Yeah, I'm okie dokie... Are you?"
You reached out to his face and he realized he had been blushing for some time now.
"I'm sorry," you said. "Did I scare you? Did I sleep here on accident? Can't believe I crashed in your room..."
"Don't apologize to me! Jeez. You're always apologizing to other people. I'm fine. I would never be creeped out by you. In fact, you've almost fucking dozed off here a couple of times in the past. You just don't remember 'cause I carried you back each time." That last part was a bit of a brag.
"Oh?" you cocked your head. "But you didn't tonight. Guess you were too much of a lazy little sleepy head yesterday."
"No more than you!"
That was how you both ended up grinning at each other, faces too close and somewhat red, but happy all the same.
If you weren't uncomfortable, if you were even smiling at him, Bakugou wanted to push things further. Your lips were only several centimeters away, and he wanted to close the distance. But he couldn't risk it unless he knew for sure you'd want him to.
"Had a good sleep, then?" he asked, voice rumbly and still low while his smirk never left his face. "After all, it's my bed."
"I would've, but maybe someone was hogging all the sheets." You mock glared at him, but you didn't back away.
"Well I bought them," he retorted. "Didn't think I'd get a new roommate tonight."
"Maybe I'll just steal your bed and then we won't have a problem."
"You're gonna steal my bed with me in it?"
You lightly slapped his chest and he laughed. You were laughing too, but dammit even if it was funny, he wasn't entirely joking...
Still, he couldn't say he was unhappy.
"Seriously can't fucking believe I woke up to you today," he said, letting some of his true adoration for you spread across his face. "Next time you sleep here, I'm not carrying you back..."
While he still had the chance, he needed to push things further, so you'd understand where he really stood on this situation. Bakugou had enough of all the near-miss kisses in your relationship. He wanted more.
Your hands cupped his face and he stayed put, obediently.
"You won't need to," you whispered.
His fingers grabbed your chin. "I don't ever want to."
And with that, he kissed you, finally.
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starskq · 5 months ago
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TREAT YOU BETTER / C.S
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Pairing ◊ sub!fem!reader x softdom!san (ft. Yeonjun of TXT)
Genre ◊ SMUT, fluff, angst, best friends to lovers
Warnings ◊ SMUT (MINORS DNI), softdom!San, sub!reader, oral (male receiving), fingering, a little rough, san is quite big, dirty talk, pet names (baby, sweetheart...), talk about an abusive relationship, emotional vulnerability, aftercare, unprotected sex (if you see anything I haven't put in there, please lmk!)
Word count ◊ 7,2k
Summary ◊ You show up in the middle of the night at San's apartment after your bf Yeonjun broke up with you, but what you do not know is how San is so unconditionally in love with you.
a/n: I portrayed Yeonjun in a certain way here, but don't come for me! I'm a MOA too!
You and San had been best friends for as long as you could remember. Growing up together, sharing secrets and dreams, it was no surprise that you felt entirely at home in his company. San's presence had always been a constant, a comforting backdrop to your life. However, what you hadn't noticed was the way his eyes lingered on you, the way his smile softened when you laughed. He had fallen for you long ago, but he never had the courage to admit it—not to himself, and certainly not to anyone else.
Meanwhile, you had been dating Yeonjun for a few months. At first, everything seemed perfect. He was charming, attentive, and everything you thought you wanted. But as time went on, Yeonjun's true colors began to show. He treated you poorly, his words often harsh and his actions thoughtless. Despite the growing cracks in your relationship, you clung to the hope that things would get better. They never did.
One Friday night, after a particularly brutal argument, Yeonjun broke up with you. His words were cruel, his tone biting, and you were left feeling utterly shattered. Unable to face the emptiness of your apartment, you found yourself standing outside San's door at midnight, your face wet with tears. 
You gently knocked at his door and San opened the door, his eyes widening in shock when he saw you. ‘’Y/n? What happened?" he asked, his voice filled with concern.
You tried to speak, but the words caught in your throat. Instead, you just shook your head, tears streaming down your face. He was quick to take you in his arms, enveloping you in a warm hug before guiding you to his couch. 
"Talk to me," he urged softly, sitting beside you.
You took a deep breath, struggling to find your voice. "Yeonjun... he broke up with me," you finally managed to say, your voice trembling. "We had an awful fight. He was so mean.’’
San's eyes darkened with anger. "That bastard. What did he say to you?’’
You shook your head again, not wanting to recount the hurtful words. "It doesn't matter. I just... I couldn't stay there.’’
San clenched his fists, the muscles in his jaw tightening. "I want to go over there and beat him up. He has no right to treat you like this.’’
"No, San," you said quickly, placing a hand on his arm. "Please don't. It's not worth it. I just need you right now.’’
His expression softened instantly. "Okay. I'm here for you," he promised, wrapping his arms around you in a comforting embrace. You buried your face in his chest, feeling the warmth and safety of his presence. He stroked your hair gently, whispering soothing words.
"You deserve so much better," he murmured. "Yeonjun is an idiot for letting you go.’’
You pulled back slightly, looking up at him through tear-filled eyes. "Do you really think so?’’
"I know so," San replied firmly. "You're amazing, and anyone would be lucky to have you.’’
A small smile tugged at your lips despite the pain. "Thank you, San. You're the best friend anyone could ask for.’’
San's heart ached at your words, but he forced a smile. "Anything for you," he said softly. He wished he could tell you how he really felt, how much he loved you, but he didn't want to risk losing your friendship.
San watched as you tried to find comfort on the couch. He hated seeing you like this, so broken and vulnerable. Determined to lift your spirits, even if just a little, he pulled the blanket around you more snugly.
"Hey," he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face. "How about we try to take your mind off things for a bit?’’’
You sniffled, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. ‘’How?’’
San thought for a moment, then smiled. "Remember that time in middle school when we tried to bake a cake for your mom's birthday and ended up setting off the fire alarm?’’
You couldn't help but chuckle at the memory. "Yeah, and the cake was half-burnt, half-raw.’’
"Exactly! And your mom still said it was the best cake she'd ever had because we made it with 'extra love and a dash of chaos,'" San added, grinning.
A small smile played on your lips. "She was always so supportive.’’
San nodded, his eyes twinkling. "She still is. Just like you have so many people who care about you.’’
You sighed, leaning against him. "It's just hard, you know? I really thought Yeonjun was different.’’
"I know," San said, his voice gentle. "But sometimes people aren't who we hope they are. And that’s not your fault.’’ He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer. "You deserve someone who sees how amazing you are and treats you with the love and respect you deserve.’’
You rested your head on his shoulder, feeling a bit of the tension leave your body. "Thanks, Sannie. I don't know what I'd do without you.’’’
He squeezed your shoulder. "You'd do just fine. You're strong, even if you don't always feel like it.’’
For the next hour, San kept talking, sharing funny stories from childhood and moments that made you both laugh until your sides hurt. He reminded you of the time he tried to impress you by jumping off the highest diving board at the pool, only to belly-flop spectacularly. Or the time you both got lost during a school trip and ended up finding a hidden ice cream parlor that became your secret spot.
"Remember when we made that secret handshake?" he asked, his eyes bright with amusement.
You nodded, a real smile breaking through. "We thought we were so cool.’’
"We were cool," he insisted, demonstrating the complex series of claps and snaps you had created. "We still are.’’
You laughed, following along with the handshake. It felt good to laugh, even if just for a moment. San's presence was like a balm to your wounded heart, his affection and kindness wrapping around you like a warm blanket.
The night wore on, and though the pain of Yeonjun's words still lingered, it was dulled by San's unwavering support. He stayed by your side, talking and laughing. 
San, ever attentive, noticed how your eyes struggled to stay open.
"You look exhausted," he said softly, his hand still gently rubbing your back. ‘’You wanna stay over? You could take my bed.’’
You nodded, stifling a yawn. "I am, but I don't want to take your bed from you. I can sleep on the couch, it’s fine »
San shook his head, his expression firm. "No way. You need a proper bed to sleep in, and you're not arguing with me on this.’’ You tried to protest, but he held up a hand, silencing you. "I insist. Come on, let's get you settled."
He stood up and offered you his hand, helping you to your feet. You were honestly too tired to argue with him, you knew how stubborn he could be. As you reached his bedroom, he pulled back the covers and motioned for you to enter. You hesitated, looking at him with a mixture of gratitude and guilt.
"You sure?" you asked, your voice small.
"Positive," he replied firmly. "Now, get in."
You slid into the bed, the soft sheets feeling like a haven after the emotional turmoil of the night. San tucked the blanket around you, his movements gentle and caring.
"Do you need anything else?" he asked, his voice low and soothing.
You shook your head, a small smile tugging at your lips. "No, this is perfect. Thank you, San."
He nodded, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "You're welcome. Try to get some rest, okay? I'll be right outside if you need anything."
You reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it lightly. "You're really the best, you know that?"
San's smile was soft, his eyes filled with unspoken emotions. "I just want you to be okay. Sleep well."
With that, he turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. You listened to his footsteps as he walked back to the living room, your heart was fluttering. He was just so affectionate and caring. 
San settled onto the couch, pulling the blanket over himself. The couch was familiar, a place he'd often crashed after late-night gaming sessions or movie marathons. But tonight, it felt different. Tonight, he was acutely aware of you in his bed, just a room away, and the vulnerability you'd shown him.
San lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling, unable to find any semblance of sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, images of you crying and hurt flashed through his mind. He was consumed by a mix of anger and helplessness, hating Yeonjun for what he'd done to you.
He tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position, but nothing seemed to work. His mind was too restless, his heart too full of unresolved emotions. He glanced at the clock—2:30 AM. With a frustrated sigh, he sat up, running a hand through his hair.
In the quiet of the living room, the sudden sound of a notification startled him. He looked over and saw your phone on the coffee table, its screen glowing with a new message. Curiosity and concern got the better of him, and he leaned over to see who it was.
It was a message from Yeonjun.
San's jaw clenched as he read the words on the screen:
[Junnie] I hope you're happy. You always find a way to make everything my fault. Good luck with this one.
San felt a surge of anger so intense it made his hands shake. He couldn't believe the audacity of Yeonjun to send such a cruel message after everything he'd put you through. It took every ounce of self-control not to grab his keys and march over to Yeonjun's place right then and there.
Instead, he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He knew that confronting Yeonjun wouldn't help you right now. You needed him here, not out picking a fight. But he couldn't just ignore the message either. He needed to find a way to protect and shield you from more pain.
He stared at your phone, contemplating whether to wake you up and tell you about the message. But you had finally found some peace, and he didn't want to disturb that. Instead, he decided to keep an eye on your phone for any more messages, ensuring nothing else would upset you tonight.
San stood up, pacing the living room, his mind racing. He needed to focus on something else, anything to keep from stewing in his anger. He went to the kitchen and made himself a cup of chamomile tea, hoping it might help him relax. As he waited for the water to boil, he replayed the night's events in his mind.
"Why can't he just leave her alone?" San muttered to himself, pouring the hot water over the tea bag. "Hasn't he done enough damage?"
He took a sip of the tea, its warmth doing little to soothe his frayed nerves. He wished he could do more for you, wished he could take away all the hurt and replace it with happiness. But he knew that healing took time, and all he could do was be there for you every step of the way.
San returned to the couch, setting the tea on the coffee table. He picked up your phone again, staring at Yeonjun's message. Without thinking, he typed out a reply:
[You] She deserves better than you. Leave her alone.
But he didn't send it. He deleted the message, knowing it wasn't his place to intervene directly. Instead, he placed your phone back on the table and sat down, his head in his hands. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm the storm of emotions swirling inside him.
Lost in thought, he nearly jumped when he heard the soft sound of your footsteps approaching. He turned to see you standing in the doorway, looking small and vulnerable in the dim light.
"Sannie, are you still awake?" you asked quietly, your voice tinged with uncertainty.
"Yeah, I'm awake," he replied, his heart softening as he looked at you. "What's wrong? Do you need something?"
You hesitated, glancing down at your feet before meeting his eyes. "I... I don't want to be alone right now. Can you... can you come to bed with me?"
San's heart skipped a beat. You and he had shared a bed before, back in the days when sleepovers and movie marathons ended with both of you crashing wherever you could. But this felt different, more intimate. He could feel his emotions bubbling up, threatening to spill over.
He took a deep breath, pushing his feelings aside. This wasn't about him; it was about you needing comfort. "Of course," he said gently. "I'll be right there."
You gave him a small, grateful smile, and he followed you back to the bedroom. The room was filled with a soft, calming silence,.
San watched as you climbed back into bed, settling under the blankets. He hesitated momentarily before joining you, lying down on the other side. The bed dipped slightly under his weight, and he turned to face you, his heart pounding in his chest.
"Are you comfortable?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
You nodded, looking at him with a mixture of relief and gratitude. "Yes, thank you. I just... I didn't want to be alone tonight."
"I understand," San said softly. "I'm here for you."
You reached out and took his hand, holding it tightly. The simple gesture sent a rush of warmth through him, and he squeezed your hand in return.
"Do you remember all those sleepovers we used to have?" you asked, your voice tinged with nostalgia.
San smiled, nodding. "Yeah, of course. We used to stay up all night talking and laughing."
You sighed contentedly. "Those were some of the best times. I always felt so safe with you."
San's heart ached with the weight of his unspoken feelings. "And you still are safe with me. Always."
For a moment, the room was silent, save for the gentle sound of your breathing. San struggled internally, fighting the urge to confess everything he felt. But he knew this wasn't the time. You needed comfort, not complications.
San lay there, the steady rhythm of your breathing filling the room. He tried to calm his racing thoughts, but it was nearly impossible with you so close to him. The familiar warmth of your body pressed against his was something he had experienced countless times before, yet tonight it felt different—intensely different.
Every breath you took, every slight movement you made, seemed to send sparks of awareness through him. He could feel the rise and fall of your chest against his side, your head resting on his shoulder, and it was driving him to distraction. He knew it was wrong to feel this way, especially now, but he couldn't help it. The closeness, the intimacy of the moment, was turning him on in a way he hadn't expected.
He tried to shift slightly, hoping to ease the tension in his body, but it only seemed to make things worse. You stirred, tightening your grip on his hand and snuggling closer. San's heart pounded in his chest, and he swallowed hard, trying to steady his breathing.
"San?" you murmured sleepily, your voice a soft whisper in the darkness.
"Yeah?" he replied, his voice tight with the effort of keeping his emotions in check.
"Are you okay?" you asked, concern evident even through your drowsiness.
San forced a smile, even though you couldn't see it. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just... a lot on my mind."
You shifted slightly, your leg brushing against his. The sensation sent a jolt of electricity through him, and he had to bite his lip to stifle a groan. "You can talk to me, you know. I'm here for you, too."
He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "I know. It's just... it's nothing. Really."
You were quiet for a moment, your fingers gently tracing patterns on the back of his hand. As you drifted back into sleep, San lay there, his body tense and his mind racing. He couldn't understand why he felt so different this time. You had always been affectionate with each other, cuddling during movie nights or sleepovers, but tonight, the feeling was overwhelming.
He tried to distract himself, focusing on the sound of the rain tapping gently against the window, but his thoughts kept drifting back to you. The way your hair felt against his cheek, the warmth of your breath on his neck, the soft curves of your body nestled against his.
"Get a grip, San," he muttered to himself, trying to push the thoughts away. "This isn't the time."
But the more he tried to ignore it, the more aware he became of every tiny detail. The subtle scent of your shampoo, the softness of your skin, the way you fit perfectly against him. It was driving him crazy, and he didn't know how much longer he could take it.
You shifted, turning your back to him. For a brief moment, he thought the change in position might help him regain some control over his tumultuous emotions. But then you moved closer, pressing your back firmly against his chest. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around you, his hand resting gently on your stomach.
The intimacy of the position made his heart pound. Your body was so close, so warm, and he could feel every curve pressed against him. His mind raced, and he struggled to keep his breathing steady.
You sighed contentedly, snuggling closer. The movement pressed your body even tighter against his, and he felt a surge of heat rush through him. His mind screamed at him to keep it together, but the sensation of your curves against his chest, the softness of your body, was making it incredibly difficult. He could feel himself getting harder and harder. 
He closed his eyes, trying to focus on anything but the feel of you in his arms. He thought about the cold night air, the sound of the rain outside, anything to distract himself from the intoxicating closeness. But every time you shifted slightly, it sent another wave of awareness through him.
As you continued to shift and wiggle, seeking a comfortable position, it became increasingly difficult. Each movement pressed your body closer against him, and he could feel every curve, every contour, of your form against his. It was driving him mad.
You shifted again, your back pressing firmly against his chest, your hips moving slightly. San's breath hitched, and despite his best efforts, he felt himself getting harder. He clenched his jaw, trying to will away the arousal, but it was no use. Your absent-minded movements were too much for him to handle.
‘’Y/n, please stop moving,’’ he whispered hoarsely, his voice strained with the effort of keeping control.
You froze, the sudden tension in his voice startling you. Then you felt it—a hard, undeniable pressure against your lower back. Your eyes widened as realization dawned.
"San..." you whispered, turning your head slightly to look at him over your shoulder. "Is that...?"
San's face flushed with embarrassment. ‘’Fuck, I'm sorry," he stammered, his voice barely audible. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
You could see the discomfort and shame in his eyes, and something inside you shifted. You felt a surge of confidence, an unexpected boldness. You turned fully to face him, your heart pounding. Without saying a word, you reached down and placed your hand over his hardness, feeling the heat and firmness through the fabric.
San's breath caught in his throat, his eyes widening in shock. ‘’Y/n, what are you doing?" he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.
You met his gaze, your own eyes filled with a mix of determination and desire. "I want this too," you said softly, your hand gently squeezing him through his pants.
San's heart raced, but he hesitated, his mind racing with conflicting emotions. "You don't have to," he said, his voice strained. "I don't want you to feel pressured or like you owe me anything. Especially not after everything with Yeonjun."
You shook your head, your eyes softening. "San, I want this. I want you."
He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "But I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. You're vulnerable right now, and I don't want to be another person who hurts you."
You looked at him, your expression serious. "San, you could never hurt me. The real reason Yeonjun and I broke up... it was because of you."
San's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean?"
You sighed, feeling a weight lift as you prepared to share the truth. "Yeonjun was always jealous of our relationship. He couldn't understand how important you are to me. Last night, he asked me to choose between him and you.’’
San's heart skipped a beat. "And you chose me?"
"Without hesitation," you said firmly. "He couldn't accept that. He accused me of loving you more than him, and honestly, he was right. I do love you more."
San stared at you, a mix of emotions swirling in his eyes. "I had no idea," he whispered. "I never wanted to come between you two."
"You didn't," you replied, your voice steady. "Yeonjun did that himself. And when he forced me to choose, it made me realize just how much you mean to me."
San's heart ached with the weight of your words. "I never wanted to admit it, but I've always loved you," he confessed, his voice trembling. "But I was afraid of ruining our friendship."
You smiled, your eyes shining with tears. "You could never ruin it, San. You've always been there for me, through everything. And now, I want to be here for you."
San felt a surge of emotion, a mix of relief, joy, and overwhelming love. He reached out, cupping your face in his hands, his touch tender. "I love you," he said, his voice filled with sincerity and passion.
"I love you too," you replied, your voice a whisper.
He leaned in slowly, giving you time to pull away if you wanted to. When you didn't, he pressed his lips to yours in a tender, lingering kiss. The sensation was electric, sending shivers down your spine. His lips were soft yet firm, moving against yours with a careful, loving precision. It was a kiss filled with years of pent-up emotions, a kiss that spoke of friendship, love, and unspoken desires.
San's hand moved to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss slightly. You could feel his breath mixing with yours, the warmth of his body so close to yours. Every touch, every movement was deliberate, as if he were memorizing the feel of you.
As the kiss continued, it grew more intense. The emotions that had been building up inside both of you for so long now found their release. His kisses became more urgent, his lips moving against yours with a newfound hunger. He tilted his head to gain better access, his tongue slipping out to gently trace your lower lip before seeking entrance.
You parted your lips, allowing him in, and a soft moan escaped from deep within your throat. The kiss was no longer just an expression of love but a claim. San's tongue explored your mouth, tasting and teasing, and you responded with equal fervor, meeting his passion with your own.
San's hands began to roam your body, his touch both gentle and possessive. He ran his fingers down your sides, feeling the curves of your waist and hips. His hands slid under your shirt, the warmth of his palms against your skin sending sparks of desire through you.
"God, you're so beautiful," he murmured against your lips, his voice filled with awe. 
He shifted, hovering over you, his body pressing you gently into the mattress. The weight of him felt comforting and exciting all at once. He broke the kiss just long enough to pull your shirt over your head, his eyes dark with desire as he took in the sight of you.
"So perfect," he whispered, his voice husky. "You're perfect, baby."
You shivered at the pet name, feeling a rush of warmth spread through you. "San," you breathed, your hands tangling in his hair, pulling him back down for another kiss.
This kiss was even more heated, filled with an urgency that left you both breathless. San's hands roamed freely now, exploring every inch of your body with a mix of tenderness and possession. He cupped your breasts, his thumbs brushing over your nipples, drawing a gasp from your lips.
"Does that feel good, sweetheart?" he asked, his voice low and rough with desire.
"Yes," you moaned, arching into his touch. "So good, Sannie."
He smiled against your lips, pleased with your response. "I want to make you feel amazing," he murmured, kissing a trail down your neck. "You deserve to be worshipped.’’
San's kisses trailed down your body, his lips and tongue leaving a path of fire in their wake. He paused at your breasts, taking each nipple into his mouth, sucking and licking until you were writhing beneath him, your breath coming in ragged gasps.
"San, please," you begged, your voice a mix of need and desperation.
He looked up at you, his eyes blazing with passion. "Please what, baby? Tell me what you want."
"I want you," you whispered, your voice trembling with desire. "I need you."
But he couldn’t give it to you right away. He knew he had to prepare you to ensure you were ready for him. He wanted this to be perfect for you.
He looked down at you. "I need to get you ready for me," he murmured, his voice husky. "I don't want to hurt you."
You nodded, your breath coming in shallow gasps. He kissed you again, his lips trailing down your neck and across your collarbone. He moved lower, kissing a path between your breasts and down your stomach, savoring the taste of your skin. When he reached the juncture of your thighs, he paused, looking up at you with a mix of tenderness and hunger.
"You're so beautiful," he said softly, his fingers gently parting your folds. "I want to make you feel so good."
His touch was gentle at first, his fingers exploring your cunt with a tenderness that sent shivers through your body. He found your clit, circling it with his thumb while his fingers teased your entrance. You gasped, your hips lifting off the bed as he touched you.
"Sannie," you moaned, your voice a breathless plea.
He smiled, pleased by your response. "Let me hear you."
Slowly, he slid one finger inside you, feeling the warmth and tightness of your body. You moaned softly, your body arching into his touch. He moved his finger in and out, his thumb still circling your clit, and watched as your eyes fluttered closed in pleasure.
"Does that feel good?" he asked, his voice rough with desire.
‘’Fuck,yes,’’ you gasped, your hands gripping the sheets. "So good, San."
Encouraged by your response, he added a second finger, stretching you gently. The sensation was intense, and you cried out, your hips rocking against his hand. San's eyes darkened with lust, and he leaned down to capture your lips in a searing kiss.
"You're so tight,’’  he murmured against your lips. "So perfect for me."
You whimpered, the pleasure building inside you with every movement of his fingers. "San, please," you begged, your voice a desperate whisper.
He groaned, the sound of your need driving him wild. "I love hearing you beg, baby," he said, his fingers thrusting deeper. "I could do this all night."
Every sound you made seemed to intoxicate him, fueling his desire to pleasure you. He curled his fingers inside you, hitting that sweet spot that made you see stars. You cried out his name, your body trembling with the intensity of the sensations.
"That's it," he urged, his voice low and commanding. "Come for me, sweetheart. I want to feel you."
You were so close, the pleasure coiling tight in your belly. With a final, deep thrust of his fingers, you shattered, your orgasm washing over you in powerful waves. You cried out, your body arching off the bed as you clung to him.
San watched you, his eyes filled with awe and desire. "You're so beautiful when you come," he murmured, his fingers still moving inside you, drawing out every last bit of your pleasure.
He slowly withdrew his fingers from you, his eyes dark with desire as he brought them to his lips. He tasted you on his fingers, his eyelids fluttering shut and a deep, satisfied groan escaping from his throat.
"God, you taste so good," he murmured, his voice rough with lust. His eyes rolled back in his head for a moment, lost in the intoxicating flavor of you. "I could get addicted to this."
Your cheeks flushed with heat at his words, but your own desire was just as intense. With a newfound boldness, you reached down and gently wrapped your hand around his hardness, inside his sweatpants, feeling the heat and firmness of him through his sweatpants.
"I want to touch you," you whispered, your hand stroking him slowly. "I want to make you feel good too."
A shiver of pleasure ran through him at your touch, and he groaned, his hips instinctively thrusting into your hand. "You already do," he said, his voice strained. "But I won't stop you."
With trembling fingers, you tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants, and he helped you remove them, tossing them aside. You marveled at the sight of him, hard and ready for you. He was indeed pretty big. Slowly, you wrapped your hand around his length, stroking him gently.
San let out a deep, guttural moan, his eyes closing briefly as he savored the sensation. "Just like that, baby.’’
You watched his face, mesmerized by the expressions of pleasure that crossed it. The sight of him, so vulnerable and turned on by your touch, filled you with a heady mix of power and desire. You wanted to give him as much pleasure as he had given you.
You positioned yourself between his legs, feeling a mix of nervousness and excitement. You looked up at him, your eyes meeting his, and he smiled down at you, his gaze filled with love and encouragement.
Slowly, you leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of his length, tasting the salty tang of his arousal. San's breath hitched, and he let out a deep moan, his hands gripping the sheets. You took him into your mouth, your tongue swirling around the tip before sliding down his shaft. You started slowly, finding a rhythm that felt comfortable, your hand stroking the base as your mouth moved up and down.
San's reactions were immediate and intense. His hips bucked slightly, and he let out a series of deep, guttural moans, his hands tangling in your hair. "Fuck, that feels so good," he groaned, his voice thick with pleasure.
You felt a surge of confidence at his praise, and you took him deeper, your mouth and hand working together to bring him pleasure. The sounds he made, the way his body responded to your touch, it all fueled your desire to please him.
"Yes, just like that," San panted, his voice low and rough. "You're so perfect, baby. So good to me."
You continued, the pace of your movements increasing as you sensed his pleasure building. His moans grew louder, his hips thrusting up to meet your mouth. You could feel him getting closer, his body tensing with anticipation.
"I'm close," he warned, his voice strained. "So close, baby."
You looked up at him with doe eyes, your eyes meeting his, and you could see the raw desire and love in his gaze. You wanted to take him over the edge, to make him feel as good as he had made you feel. With a final, deep movement, you took him fully into your mouth, your tongue swirling around him.
San let out a deep, shuddering groan, his hands tightening in your hair as he came, his release filling your mouth. You swallowed, savoring the taste of him, and continued to move until he was spent.
Slowly, you pulled back, your eyes meeting his. He looked down at you with a mixture of awe and love, his chest rising and falling with deep, ragged breaths. Without giving you timr to register what was happening, he picked you and pinned you underneath him once again. He positioned himself between your legs, his hardness pressing against your entrance. He paused for a moment, his eyes searching yours.
"Are you ready, love?" he asked, his voice husky with desire.
You nodded, your heart pounding in your chest. ‘’Yes, please, I need you.’’
With a groan, he began to enter you slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. The sensation was intense, your body stretching to accommodate his size. He was big, and you could feel every inch of him as he filled you completely. It was overwhelming, a mix of pleasure and a slight edge of pain that quickly turned into pure ecstasy.
"God, you're so tight," he murmured, his voice rough. "You feel so good, baby. So perfect."
He started to move, his rhythm steady but rough, each thrust deep and deliberate. The sensation was incredible, sending waves of pleasure through your body. You moaned, your hands gripping his shoulders, your nails digging into his skin.
‘’Fuck" you gasped, your voice filled with need.
"Let me hear you, baby," he groaned, his hips moving faster. "I want to hear every sound you make."
As he found his rhythm, his movements became rougher, more urgent. He thrust deeply, his hips driving into you with a force that made you cry out in pleasure. Each thrust hit a spot deep inside you, sending waves of ecstasy through your body.
You moaned loudly, your hands gripping the sheets as he pounded into you. The intensity of his movements, combined with the constant stream of praise and pet names, drove you wild. You screamed his name.
He reached down, his thumb finding your clit and rubbing it in time with his thrusts. The added stimulation pushed you over the edge, and you cried out his name as you came, your body shuddering with the force of your orgasm.
"That's it, baby," he murmured, his voice filled with satisfaction. "Come for me. I want to feel you."
He didn't stop, his thrusts becoming even more relentless as he chased his own release. The sensation of him moving inside you, combined with the aftershocks of your orgasm, was almost too much to bear. But it felt so good, so perfect.
"I need to hear you again," he groaned, his rhythm never faltering. "Come for me again, sweetheart. Let me feel you."
You moaned loudly, your body responding to his words and his touch. The pleasure built quickly, and you felt another orgasm rushing through you. "Sannie, I'm coming," you gasped, your body trembling with the intensity.
"Good girl," he growled, his thrusts becoming even rougher. "I love it when you come for me. You're so beautiful."
You cried out as you came again, the pleasure washing over you in powerful waves. San continued to thrust deeply, his own moans mixing with yours as he pushed you both to the brink.
He pulled out of you and flipped you, positioning you on your hands and knees. He groaned at the sight, his hands gripping your hips as he lined himself up and thrust deeply inside you again.
"God, yes," he moaned, his voice filled with lust. "You look so perfect like this."
He set a punishing rhythm, his hips driving into you with a force that made you cry out in pleasure. One hand was on your hip while the other was on your neck, pushing you towards him as he thrust powerfully. "You're mine," he growled, his voice thick with possession. "All mine."
"Yes, Sannie," you gasped, your body rocking with each thrust. "I'm yours. Always."
He reached around, his fingers finding your clit again and rubbing it in time with his thrusts. The pleasure was overwhelming, and you felt another orgasm building quickly. "San, I'm going to come," you moaned, your voice shaking with need.
"Do it," he commanded, his thrusts becoming even rougher. "Come for me, baby. I need to feel you."
You cried out his name as you came, your body shuddering with the intensity. San groaned loudly, his own release following quickly as he filled you with his warmth.
For a long moment, you both stayed like that, your bodies trembling with the aftershocks of pleasure. San slowly pulled out of you, collapsing beside you on the bed and pulling you into his arms.
"You're amazing," he murmured, his voice filled with awe and love. "So beautiful, so perfect."
You smiled, your heart swelling with love and contentment. "I love you, San," you whispered, your voice full of truth.
"I love you too," he replied, his eyes soft with emotion. "More than anything."
He kissed your forehead before slowly getting up from the bed, carefully pulling away from you. "Stay here, my love. I'll be right back," he said softly. You nodded, your body still tingling from the intensity of your lovemaking.
He returned a few moments later with a warm, damp cloth and a bottle of water. He climbed back onto the bed, gently spreading your legs and starting to clean you up. His touch was tender, every movement filled with care and love.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, his voice soft as he wiped you clean.
"I'm a bit sore," you admitted, your voice a mix of satisfaction and exhaustion.
San's eyes filled with concern, and he gently caressed your thigh. "I'm sorry, baby. I'll be gentler next time."
You shook your head, a small smile playing on your lips. "Please don't. I like it rough."
He paused, then a slow grin spread across his face. "Oh, you do, do you?" he teased, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "My little baby likes it rough, huh?"
You blushed, feeling a surge of warmth at his playful tone. You slowly nodded.
San chuckled, shaking his head in mock disbelief. "Well, I'll keep that in mind for next time," he said, leaning down to kiss you softly. "But I'll still make sure you're taken care of, no matter what."
After he finished cleaning you up, he pulled you into his arms, wrapping the blanket around both of you. He held you close, his hand gently stroking your back in soothing circles. The warmth of his body and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat were incredibly comforting.
"Are you okay?" he asked again, his voice filled with love and concern.
You nodded, feeling completely at ease in his embrace. "Yes, Sannie. I'm more than okay. I'm perfect."
He smiled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "Good. I want you to always feel perfect with me."
You nestled closer to him, your head resting on his chest. "I do, San. I always have."
love you too," you replied, your heart swelling with happiness.
For a while, you both lay there in comfortable silence, basking in the afterglow of your lovemaking and the deep connection you shared. San's fingers traced gentle patterns on your skin, his touch soothing and reassuring.
"Do you need anything else?" he asked softly, his voice a gentle murmur in the quiet room.
You shook your head, feeling completely content. "Just you," you said, your voice filled with love. "I just need you."
"You have me," he replied, his voice tender. "Always."
He continued to hold you, his presence a comforting anchor as you both began to drift off to sleep. The night had been intense, but the love and care San showed you in the aftermath made everything feel even more special.
As you drifted back to sleep, feeling safe and loved in San's arms, a soft buzzing sound interrupted the serene quiet of the room. San frowned, his protective instincts kicking in as he realized it was your phone on his bedside table. He gently eased out of your embrace, making sure not to wake you, and reached for the phone.
The screen displayed a message from Yeonjun.
[Junnie] Where are you? Who are you with?
San's jaw tightened with anger, but he decided to ignore the message. However, the phone buzzed again, another message from Yeonjun.
[Junnie] I know you're at San's. You're such a whore.
San felt a surge of rage, his blood boiling at the audacity of Yeonjun's words. He couldn't let that slide. Carefully, he unlocked your phone and typed out a response, his fingers flying over the screen with determination.
[You] Yes, she's with me. And she's much better off here than she ever was with you. Don’t ever think of insulting her ever again.  - San
He hit send, feeling a grim satisfaction as the message was delivered. He knew it might escalate things, but he couldn't stand the thought of Yeonjun continuing to harass you, especially after everything you'd been through.
San placed the phone back on the bedside table and glanced at you. You were still sound asleep, your face peaceful and content. He gently kissed your forehead, feeling a wave of tenderness wash over him.
"You're safe with me," he whispered, his voice barely audible.
Sliding back into bed, San pulled you into his arms again, wrapping the blanket around both of you. The warmth of your body against his was soothing, calming the anger that still simmered within him. He stroked your hair, his touch gentle and reassuring.
As he lay there, his thoughts kept returning to Yeonjun's messages. The anger flared again briefly, but then he looked at you, peaceful in his arms, and he felt a deep sense of purpose. He would protect you, no matter what.
With that vow in his heart, San closed his eyes, letting the steady rhythm of your breathing lull him into a sense of calm. The events of the night played through his mind, a whirlwind of passion, love, and anger, but ultimately, a sense of rightness settled over him. You were with him, where you belonged, and he would do everything in his power to keep you safe and happy.
As sleep finally began to claim him, San held you close, his protective embrace a silent promise of his unwavering support and love. The future was uncertain, but with you in his arms, he felt ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. And with that comforting thought, he drifted off to sleep, the warmth of your presence his greatest solace.
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livwritessometimes · 6 months ago
Text
loml - Max Verstappen
: Max Verstappen x Singer!reader
: Max and Y/n’s relationship was legendary…but it also was momentary
: Series Masterlist
: Main Masterlist
: Author's Note - After every fic i feel like wow this is the longest fic i have ever written...ya this! is probably the longest fic i have ever written!!
(set in 2018)
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-> P1 Lesgoooooo 🙌🏻
| User34 replied to your story
-> it’s so nice to see you get the recognition you deserve <3
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Y/n was standing near the Red Bull garage when she spotted Max returning for his interviews. Without a second thought, she launched herself into his arms.
“Ahhhhh, I’m so proud of you!!! I feel like I haven’t said that enough,” she smiled as she pulled away from him. “You have, but it’s okay. I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that,” Max said as he looked at her as if her eyes held all the stars in the sky.
Max was aware that by now they would have cameras on them; the Red Bull team loved to capture any interaction between the couple. Ignoring all of that, Max pulled her close and kissed her.
For Y/n, all of this was very new; her last relationship hadn't been this public. The privacy of it all was something that was exciting at first, but after a while, it felt suffocating. When she met Max, she felt aglow like she had never felt before. It was only a matter of time before she knew that Max was the one for her.
And it wasn't easy; they were both slowly gaining more recognition, and people were ready to pick them apart. But as she watched Max celebrate his first Grand Prix win of the season in Austria, all the struggles felt worth the effort.
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"I have a story to tell you regarding the last song of the night," said Y/n as the crowd erupted in cheers. She smiled brightly before continuing, "A few years ago, I did not believe in love, not in the way I do now. Have you guys ever met someone who feels so right that all you want is to be close to him forever and ever?"
"Being with them feels like breathing, like something you've done your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Lover," Y/n said as she made eye contact with Max. Slowly, the intro starts playing, but all Max could look at was Y/n, in all her element, looking back at him.
If the world were to end tomorrow, Max would have died a happy man. Lost in their little universe, the two failed to notice all the fans that captured this beautiful moment between the couple. Racing can take up a lot of Max's time, and he's not proud of the fact that a lot of times it comes at the stake of their relationship. But right here, right now, all he could focus on was Y/n.
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Yourname: I'm so happy that you were able to make it!! thank you so much for coming, it means a lot to me Max <3
-> Ofc Liefde, I had some time off thought I'd drop by
| User55 replied to your story
-> it is so nice to see Max at your concert!!! your entire face lit up when you saw him, i hope you guys stay like this forever ✨
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Yourname: So proud of how far we’ve come, Maxiee!!! From being just a bunch of kids who wanted to make a name for themselves and achieve their goals to finally living their dream life, I couldn’t have done it without you by my side 💖
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maxverstappen1: Couldn't have done it without you as well Schat 💙
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bffname: Cuties!!! Can't wait to meet you guys <3
*liked by Yourname, maxverstappen1*
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The entire party, all Y/n could do was check her phone. She felt guilty; it was bffname's day, and it was supposed to be special, yet here she was feeling sad for herself. From the corner of her eye, bffname could see Y/n in the corner of the room, nursing her 4th drink of the night.
"You can leave, you know. I won't feel bad," said bffname. Y/n looked up from her phone immediately, as if she were caught doing something she wasn't supposed to. "No, no, it's not like that. I want to be here; it's your 23rd birthday; I wouldn't miss it for the world," said Y/n. "You know you can fool anyone you want, but you can never fool me. I know you like the back of my hand," said bffname. "If you want to go to Max, it's okay; you being able to make it was more than enough."
Y/n felt her eyes tearing up a little; even after being a horrible friend, bffname was still understanding. "I'm so sorry; I have been a shitty friend, and yet you are here checking on me rather than celebrating," Y/n said as she finally felt a few droplets stream down her face.
"See, I know that you and Max haven't been in the best place, but it's okay. I know it's scary; you have been with him for so long that even the idea of losing him is scary," bffname said as she wiped a few tears off of Y/n's face. "Just don't lose yourself while trying to save your relationship."
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👤: maxverstappen1, Yourname
F1gossip: Red Bull driver Max Verstappen and singer/songwriter Y/n L/n were seen fighting outside by some of the paps. It was noticed that Verstappen had come to pick up L/n from a party (Bffname Bfflastname's birthday celebration). The two were seen arguing, and it is even believed that L/n was under the influence of alcohol. Verstappen was seen comforting L/n, but much to his attempts, L/n was not budging. Later on, Verstappen was seen shouting at L/n. It ended with Verstappen getting in the car and storming off, leaving a teary-eyed L/n behind. It is believed that the couple might have called it quits after dating for 2 years. This news has not been confirmed by either Verstappen or L/n. Check out our website for more updates on the Verstappen-L/n fight.
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User75: Nooo whyyyy???? they were so happy tho...
-> User09: ikrrr bffname had commented on yourname's post too! She was so excited to meet them. What happened?
User20: I'm not believing any of this until I see either of them confirm the breakup. They are happily dating, and this never happened ^^
-> User11: @/User20 check twt
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(set in 2019)
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👤: maxverstappen1, Yourname
F1gossip: 6 months after their breakup, Max Verstappen and Y/n L/n were spotted together in Miami. The two seemed to be having a good time at the beach under the warm Miami sun. A close source to Verstappen reveals that the two have been seeing each other for a few months now. This is the first time the pair were spotted together after their public breakup. Both Verstappen and L/n have been doing well in their career paths ever since their breakup. Verstappen has won 2 Grand Prix so far and has seen a massive improvement in this performance as compared to last year, whereas L/n has recently released her 3rd studio album, with all the songs making it into the Billboard Hot 100. Only time will tell whether the two are in it for the long run or whether they call it quits again.
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User02: I'M NO LONGER A CHILD OF DIVORCE 🙌🏻
-> User59: I just hope they make it work this time!!!
User76: Not to be like that, but this will either give us the best love song of the summer or the most gut-wrenching song ever to exist
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Y/n smiled as she put her phone down and looked back at Max. Both of them had decided to take a quick trip to Miami. "Do you think we'll have kids?" Max asked so nonchalantly that Y/n had to ask again to make sure she heard him right, "What?" "Do you think we'll have kids later on in life?" Max repeated. "I think I would like to have a girl," Max continued as he looked out at the sea. Amused, Y/n asked, "Oh, really? and why is that?" "I feel like a girl is easy to manage; you know, there are less chances that she'll end up like me," Max said before adding, "Plus, she'll look like you, so you know she is gonna have everyone wrapped around her little finger."
Max looked back at Y/n with a cheeky smile to see her already looking back at him with a look that conveyed nothing but pure love. "I think you'd be a great dad; even if we have a son, and if he becomes even half the man you are, then we did a great job raising him," Y/n said as she ran her hands through Max's hair. "I've not had the best example growing up; I mean, I know my dad wasn't the best, but had he not made all the sacrifices he did back then, I would not have been here. 'Max Verstappen, Star of Red Bull' I would have been a loser," Max said as he closed his eyes, soaking in his surroundings. It felt nice, peaceful even, being away from everything.
"A loser who I'd still love," Y/n said as she pulled Max closer. "Even if you do not have anything with you, you will always have me," she added. "Oh, don't you worry about that; I plan on keeping you by my side forever," Max said. "You just wait till I put a ring on that finger; after that, you can't leave me, even if you wanted to," he added. "I wouldn't dream of it," Y/n said before getting up and running towards the water. Their laughter filled the air as Max got up and chased after her, pulling her into the water with him.
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(Cat's out of the bag I guess 🤭)
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-> 💪🏻💪🏻
*liked by redbullracing*
Max should be happy; he should feel all the joy in the world; he finished 3rd in the standings after all, yet the smile did not reach his eyes. He looked around the party thrown to celebrate his and the team's victory and saw Y/n talking to one of the engineers. Max couldn't help but let the bittersweet thought take over his mind. He hated himself for thinking these things, but ever since he got back with Y/n, his season hasn't been goin- "She seems nice, Y/n, I mean," breaking his chain of thoughts, Max looked at his father. "Huh, oh ya," said Max as he took a sip of his drink.
"But she's not right for you; before you got back with her, everything was going in your favor, and look at you now; you're 3rd on the list. You can do better, Max," said Jos as he went to talk to other people at the party. Max hated his father for being critical about his relationship, but he hated himself more because he himself had thought about this.
So one cancelled date becomes two, and before Max knew it, he was constantly blowing off Y/n. In fact, if he comes to think of it, this is probably the first time the two have been out together in a month. So lost in his thought, Max did not notice a sad Y/n slipping from the party.
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👤: Yourname, maxverstappen1
F1gossip: Is it finally over between Verstappen and L/n? Y/n L/n was seen leaving the Red Bull celebration a little early. The singer seemed to be upset as she left the building. One of the workers at the party informed us that the two did not spend much time together. Verstappen and L/n, who have not been spotted out in public in a month, were seen entering the party together a few hours ago, and that was the last of it. We got information from a close source to the couple that things have been rocky between the two. According to the source, Verstappen considers his relationship with L/n a distraction, which led to him not performing to the best of his abilities after the summer break. Verstappen has only won one Grand Prix ever since L/n confirmed that the two were back together via an Instagram Story. It seems like it is finally time to bury the hatchet in the Verstappen-L/n love story.
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User23: Honestly their constant on and off is annoying at this point, like make up your mind already ffs
User99: I mean, it's not like Max is wrong...ever since they got back together, he hasn't been doing his best, and that is pretty evident
(set in 2020)
Y/n knew that this was wrong. She knows that she can't keep running back to Max after he shows up, making the same promises again and again. At this point, Y/n can probably narrate it in her sleep: "I promise I'll change," "We are meant to be," "You're the love of my life; I can't lose you." Yet she believed him every single time. How could she not? They have been through so much together. How could she let go of all this history because things have been rocky between them?
Lost in her trail of thoughts, Y/n did not realize that she had reached the venue. It was when she felt her side of the door open that she looked up to find a dazzling Max looking back at her. He was glowing; having just won the 70th anniversary GP, Max looked like he would burst from happiness. Y/n couldn't help but match his smile.
They both slowly made their way through the red carpet, posing for pictures. As they reached the entrance, she felt Max fidgeting. "What's wrong?" she asked as she reached for his hand. Max laced his finger with her before saying, "Nothing; it's just that this is my first win of the season. I thought that this year would have been my year, but would you look at how it all turned out to be?" Y/n nodded at Max to continue, "I never thought I would spend so much time at home because of the pandemic, and I never thought that all that time alone would make me realize how much I have missed you," Max said before looking at Y/n. "Every second without you feels like I'm suffocating; you're like a breath of fresh air. Every time I look at you, I feel like all the stars in the sky are nothing compared to you," said Max as he caressed Y/n's cheek.
Y/n didn't know how to describe this feeling. Standing in front of her was a boy she had known for a long time, a boy who always wanted to prove his worth to his father, a boy who sacrificed so much to achieve his dreams, a boy who was simply madly in love with her.
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👤: maxverstappen1
Yourname: ...and at every table, I'll save you a seat 💙
view all 89,097 comments
maxverstappen1: I love you
-> Yourname: I love you too Max
User77: Y/n I love you sweetheart, but noooo why are you back with Max
-> User62: shut up! you're just jealous of what they have
-> User77: tf no, I am concerned about her! Every time they get back together, I feel like Y/n looks less and less happy
-> User22: can we stop all of this and just appreciate how hot they both look 🔥
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👤: maxverstappen1, redbullracing
F1: Max Verstappen out of the Sakhir Grand Prix on lap 1. Trying to avoid Sergio Perez, who was hit by Charles Leclerc at turn 4, Verstappen ended up on the gravel, crashing into the tire barrier. This is the 4th time this season Verstappen has not been able to finish a race. With one race left, Verstappen's chances of winning the world championship seem a little out of reach at the moment. We can only hope for the best for the Dutchman.
view all 68,523 comments
User71: Then you guys say that him getting back with Y/n has nothing to do with his performance!!
-> User04: Shut up that has got nothing to do with Y/n
-> User71: whatever you say 🤷🏻‍♀️ the evidence is right there but okay ignorance is bliss i guess
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liked by User22 and 90,272 others
👤: Yourname, maxverstappen1
F1gossip: All's well that ends well, but not for Y/n L/n. It seems like Max Verstappen has finally ended things for good between the both of them. This news comes after L/n was seen leaving their shared apartment with boxes of her belongings. The two have also since unfollowed each other on Instagram. Although many members of the Red Bull team, including team principal Christian Horner and wife Geri Halliwell, still continue to follow the singer, it is safe to say that their ship has officially sailed. Check out our website to see their entire relationship timeline.
view all 84,320comments
User22: Not the admin using lyrics from Lover
-> User48: I was thinking the same thing, like, "All's well that ends well to end up with you" i- 😀
User01: FINALLYYY I'm telling you all next year is gonna be Max's year!! I CAN FEEL IT!!!!
(set in 2021)
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liked by maxverstappen1 and 892,620 others
👤: maxverstappen1, kellypiquet
redbullracing: OUR CHAMPION!!! LET'S GO MAX 🦁🏆
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User01: I TOLD YOU ALL IT WAS GONNA BE MAX'S YEAR!!! HE FINALLY WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP 🏆🏆
*liked by redbullracing*
User11: I'm really happy for Max, but did he just confirm his relationship with Kelly Piquet!!! who, may I add, has a CHILD!!!!!!!
-> User67: Ikrrrrr like I'm sorry, but he was with Y/n for such a long time, and now he has a new girl and a child in his life??? This was supposed to be him and Y/n!!!!
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liked by User88 and 89,638 others
👤: Yourname, maxverstappen1
F1gossip: Y/n L/n was spotted outside for the first time since the news of Max Verstappen dating Brazilian model Kelly Piquet came out. L/n was seen sitting alone in a park, drinking beer. It is believed that this park was one that Verstappen and L/n used to visit a lot with Verstappen's cats. Many bystanders have said that the singer looked lost in her thoughts as she continued sipping her drink. It seems that everyone had believed the two would be back together by the end of the season when pictures of Verstappen with a mysterious woman surfaced, but much to everyone's surprise, the woman in the pictures is now believed to be Piquet. I guess we can say with certainty that Verstappen-L/n has officially come to an end.
view all 68,938 comments
User03: Why are you so obsessed with Y/n? it's so annoying. They broke up; let her be!!
User56: Ofc she's salty now that Max has a good woman by his side. She'll just do about anything to get his attention, wouldn't she?
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liked by bffname and 165,872 others
Yourname: I had taken some time off from everything - my music, my fans, my friends, even my family. I was at a place where I felt something I had never felt before. People tell you that there will come a time in everyone's life where you will feel absolutely lost, like you don't know what to do with your life now, and it is very easy to say that with time you'll get through it and find your way again. What everyone fails to mention is how lonely this time will feel. You have people who love you and want the best for you, yet you can't seem to get out of this hole you have dug up for yourself. Taking a break and going back to where I started my journey made me realize why I do what I do. I have never needed songwriting more than I did during this period of time. As I write this, I finally realize that this chapter of my life is over. I have no wounds that I need to heal, no bridges that I want to burn. As of today, I set this song free. It was mine once, and it's yours now. loml out at midnight.
view all 101,728 comments
User55: Y/n wtffffff I was not prepared for this!!!!! Girl it's 2 PM YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THIS AND EXPECT ME TO BE FINE!!
bffname: I am so proud of you!!! words can't sum up how much I adore the person you have become 💕
*liked by Yourname*
User91: waitttt is this about her situation with Max???
-> User40: I mean must be! who else would she be referring to as love of my life??
-> User91: true
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Yourname: I would like to thank all of my fans for the immense support they have shown me. Your kind words mean the world to me. Thank you for always accepting me the way I am and sticking with me, for better and for worse. I had the time of my life playing for you guys. I can't wait for more shows in the future 🩵
view all 121,455 comments
User32: I still can't get over loml!!! what do you mean by "A con-man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme"
-> User13: Are we gonna ignore "What we thought was for all time was momentary"!!!!!!!! I feel like someone stabbed me in my gallbladder and then poured detergent over it 🫨
User40: What do you mean by loml - love loss of my life 💔
User28: "Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. Your arson's match, your somber eyes And I'll still see it until I die" that is because that dream is dead now :(
-> User13: They talked about having kids one day!!! and now he gets to live that life with someone else 🥲
-> User66: Y/n I hate the fact that you had to go through this. My ex passed away before we could start a life together. It sucks when you plan your entire future with someone and then they're just not there. And now it's just you, alone, in the house of your dreams that you both built for yourselves. I wish you all the strength and happiness that there is in this world!! 🤍
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vampcubus · 2 years ago
Text
𝐊𝐍𝐘 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐇𝐂𝐒
a/n: i've been fussing over these for weeks just take 'em ;-;
:ఌ¨ ♱ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 : inosuke, tanjiro, zenitsu, kyojuro, and tengen + wives.
:ఌ¨ ♱ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : sfw, references to marriage and children.
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𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐀
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— Inosuke is not used to sleeping with other people, and you can tell he’s never been cuddled either. He tenses up and wriggles away the first time you attempt to spoon him in your sleep.
“You really don’t want to cuddle, Inosuke?” you sighed dejectedly.
“Why would I?!” 
You make a sad face and shuffle back to your own bedroll. With Inosuke’s usual total disregard for personal space, you’d thought he wouldn’t mind if you swooped in for a cuddle. He’s very much like a cat in that regard, he only wanted to be touched on his terms.
There’s a moment of silence before you hear grumbling and shuffling, and the next thing you know he’s pressed to your side, the fur of his mask tickling your chin as he tucks his “face” into the crook of your neck.
— Refuses to sleep any other way after that.
— He’ll act betrayed when you take naps without him when he’s readily available. “You took a nap without me?!” his heart is shattered, how could you?
— God forbid one or both of you are injured and get put in separate rooms because as soon as he wakes, he’s sneaking out to crawl into your bed with you. No amount of scolding from you or Shinobu is gonna keep him away for long.
— Tends to spoon you subconsciously, either slipping a leg between yours or wrapping it around you n holding onto you like a backpack. 
— He moves around a lot in his sleep, so prepare to wake up with a foot in your face or from getting kicked. Especially if he’s having particularly engaging dreams, you may or may not be mistaken for some all-powerful beast for Inosuke to conquer in dreamland.
— Inosuke is so god damn hyper in the morning and it can be a lot, especially since he wants you to be up too so you can start a new day together. It’s hard to keep up with his enthusiasm, and sometimes you just turn over and cover your ears with a pillow to drown him out. Most times that'll get your blankets yoinked, and you’ll be beaten to death (not really) with that same pillow.
“HEY DON’T IGNORE ME! WAKE UP!”
— Though sometimes he can be soft. You’ll wake up to a strange weight on your tummy and find him sitting there, staring at you like a cat waiting for its owner to wake up. And sometimes he’ll just lay back down, covering you with his body and nuzzling his face into your neck. And if you lift a heavy hand to play idly with his hair, he might just fall back asleep again.
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𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐉𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐎
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— A cuddle bug that wants nothing more than to snuggle up on the futon with you after a long night of demon slaying.
— He’s the type to scoot closer if you move away in your sleep since he will wake up if he doesn’t feel you there anymore.
— Please spoon him. You will not regret it for a moment. He runs warm and is the perfect size for cuddling! Tan sighs so happily when you pull him against you, tucking his head right beneath your chin. Your comforting scent and firm embrace lull him right to sleep.
— Alternatively, he wakes up if he smells your distress, so you’ll never be alone if you have a nightmare. You don’t have to tell him what it was about, but he does insist on staying up with you to comfort you. Even when he’s struggling to keep his eyes open, he’ll pet your head and just talk to you until you’ve calmed down enough to doze off again.
— His duties as the Sun Hashira often keep him away for long periods, and he definitely misses your presence at his side when he stops to rest. It’s simply not the same without the weight of your arm strewn over his waist or the soft sounds of your breathing. He’ll even miss your snoring. That’s why he's always eager to return, all of his worries disintegrating as you gather him in your arms and murmur sweet things to him until he nods off.
— In the summer months, he’ll understand if you don’t want to cuddle, but he’ll want to at least hold your hand. 
— Settling down for the night together is a cherished ritual and he wants to be a part of it. Whether it’s taking pins or accessories out of your hair, or putting it into a protective style for sleeping, he wants to help out. He’s also damn good at giving massages and head rubs, so never be afraid to ask if you need a little more help winding down. That man lives to dote on you.
— Tanjiro rarely has the heart to wake you up early, but he makes you breakfast and leaves notes around your home if he’s gotta run somewhere. He melts into a puddle if he finds you making breakfast early in the morning, domesticity really does it for him.
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𝐙𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐔 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐀
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— You’ve married a cryptid. I'm so sorry.
— Zenitsu sleepwalks as I’m sure you can imagine. You’ll wake up to him out of bed, standing ominously in the middle of the room.
“Zenitsu honey, come back to bed,” you’d murmur tiredly after the initial shock wears off. Even asleep he bends to your will, crawling back onto the futon to sidle up against you once more. 
— Other times you’ll hear noises coming from the kitchen and find him making a whole meal in his goddamn sleep. Which is quite adorable, but also dangerous like pls you’re going to hurt yourself.
— The times he’s not wandering about, he’s snuggled up to you as close as he can get, face buried in your chest or neck, arms and legs wrapped around you.
— He snores if he’s on his back but it’s soft enough to sleep through.
— Giggles in his sleep if he’s having a good dream (he always says all the best ones are of you ❤︎)
— Zenitsu tends to sleep sprawled out on top of you. Oftentimes he returns from a long day of demon slaying, crawls right on top of you, and crashes for several hours. 
— He’s your weighted blanket <333
— Zenitsu never wants either of you to leave the bed in the mornings. He’ll cling, whine, and plead for “five more minutes.” (but it’s always much longer than that) 
— Sometimes you can coax him to release the death grip around your waist with promises of his favorite breakfast or endless kisses, other times you’ll just have to cope with being late to places.
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𝐊𝐘𝐎𝐉𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐎𝐊𝐔
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— Deep sleeper!! with you anyways. As soon as he’s out, very little will wake him.
— Kyo’s definitely a cuddler! And the best suited for it too since he radiates heat like a furnace. It’s stifling during the summer months, but he truly can’t bear to be parted from you. Sleeping light or nude would be best, not like you’ll have to worry about getting cold when your husband is a literal space heater. 
— He’s an absolute dream during the colder months, and you know he takes full advantage of the weather as an excuse to snuggle every second of the day.
— Mumbles in his sleep every now and then. It’s usually gibberish or a breathy chuckle, but sometimes you can discern whispers of “tasty” and bits and pieces of your name.
— Kyojuro becomes reliant on your presence to sleep over time. It happened so slowly he didn’t realize his dependency until he found himself lying wide awake and restless out in the field. 
— He swore he could fall asleep anywhere before he met you but now… now he needs the sound of your soft snores next to his ear. He needs the feeling of your warm body against his. How was he supposed to sleep without someone there to hog the blanket? or crawl on top of him in the middle of the night when close just wasn’t close enough?
— Worst of all, you aren’t there to pet his hair and whisper sweet nothings to him as he wakes up — it’s those moments he wouldn’t trade for the world. You always treat him with such care, allowing yourself to be held hostage in bed until he also awoke, even when his profession meant his rest stretched on into the afternoon hours.
“The Flame Hashira lives!” you’d sing playfully as he blinks the film of sleep from his eyes, staring up at you with nothing but love and adoration. You’d lean down to kiss his lonely forehead, but not before purring your eagerly awaited utterance of “Good morning, baby.”
His eyes flutter closed as your lips brush over his forehead, grinning so widely his cheeks dimple.
“G’morning, darling flame,” he’d rasp in that rumbly morning voice that makes your cheeks feel warm. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”
— Kyojuro tends to nod off while he’s got his head resting on your lap during dates, especially if you start playing with his hair. He wakes up later to find you’ve also drifted off while sitting up, slumped forward just slightly. Your hair frames your face, the late afternoon sun casting an ethereal glow onto you.
— Napping together is quite a regular occurrence, especially when your duties tend to keep you up during the evening hours. If you’re a slayer too, your sleep schedules match up rather nicely, meaning you’ll be frequently found in a tangle of limbs somewhere.
— If you have children, you’ll often find them knocked out cold with their father. (he’s the type to fall asleep with a baby on his chest) it’s the kind of scene that puts tears in your eyes and makes you sink to your knees. It’s all too tempting to join the cuddle pile with your husband and children.
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𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐍 𝐔𝐙𝐔𝐈 + 𝐖𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒
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— Tengen snores, but not as loud as Suma. The two of them are making harmonies while Makio and Hinatsuru hardly make any noise at all. Though the three of you can all agree you wouldn’t be able to sleep without the sound of your lovers’ snoring after a while.
— They all say goodnight to one another which is very adorable.
“Goodnight Suma.” “Goodnight Hina.” “Goodnight Makio.” “Goodnight Lord Tengen!!” “Goodnight Y/nnnnn~”
It’s back and forth until everyone is accounted for 
— You five sleep in a tangle of limbs, but it’s the coziest cuddle pile you’ll ever sleep in. Tengen’s been married long enough not to be disturbed by shuffling or moving around since sleeping with various other people requires occasional readjusting no matter how you romanticize it.
— Suma usually demands a spot at your side so she can wrap herself around you like a koala. She does drool, but she usually looks so damned cute doing it that you don’t have the heart to move her away from your shoulder. She’s always whispering to you as everyone settles down for bed, and Makio often scolds her for giggling and keeping the others awake. 
— Prepare for those two to bicker over you, oftentimes literally. They’ll hiss and argue whilst they have their arms full of you.
— Hinatsuru sings you lullabies when you just can’t seem to sleep and plays with your hair. Her fingers scratch lovingly over your scalp, smiling as your eyelids droop further under her gentle affections and ethereal voice. You always wake up with a mouthful of her hair, but it’s so worth it.
— Makio gives excellent head rubs when you have a headache, and although she may pretend that you’re a nuisance, you can tell she enjoys taking care of her partners. She’s a big spoon and likes to hold your hand while she sleeps, blushing furiously when you raise her knuckles to your lips.
— Tengen rarely manages to snag you from his wives’ clutches for a spot at your side, but when he does he wraps his entire body around you and nearly smothers you with his heat. He cutely holds things while he sleeps so expect to wake up in a headlock. And if you’re in his clutches when he goes to roll over, you’re getting rolled over as well. It’s a bit disorienting, but he soothes you with an apologetic kiss on your temple if he wakes you.
— Tengen thinks it’s endearing that you try to hold him just like he holds everyone else, even with him being so big. You don’t seem to mind his size, wrapping yourself around him like a backpack and tucking his head under your chin.
— Mornings consist of detangling and lots and lots of kisses!
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writersmess · 2 months ago
Text
DEATH WISH LOVE | EVAN BUCKLEY
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Pairing: Evan Buckley x fem!reader
Summary: Buck never thought he could love someone like that. Especially not someone with the same death wish love as him.
Warning: Anxiety crisis, near-death experience, hospital, crying, ansgt.
Word count: 2.5K
a/n: My God, I can't believe it's taken me over a year to get back. I missed this place so much. It's been an intense, crazy year. I finally got my dream job at the best hospital in Latin America. I'm so happy, but at the same time it's demanded everything of me, working long shifts almost every day, but its the price I have to pay. I hope you like this one, it was based on the song Death Wish Love by Benson Boone, which as soon as I heard it I immediately imagined something with our dear Buck. I confess I thought I'd do something angsty, but I don't think I have that capacity, he already suffers so much that I just wanted him to have a happy ending this time.
Masterlist
................................
You were the new firefighter in 118, and also new to the city. In order to follow your dreams, you left your hometown with everyone and everything you knew. You craved for bigger things, you wanted the big city, you wanted Los Angeles.
The team welcomed you with open arms, which was unusual to you. You weren’t used to this or neither known by your affectionate gestures, but apparently everything was an excuse for a hug at the station. It was a bit hard to get used to all this affection, especially when you came from a place where you were always by yourself.
That was one of the main reasons you became a firefighter, you have walked through fire every single day of your life, why not make it your profession?
You were a source of curiosity between the team, always so quiet and so resistant to everyone's affection. It was hard to win you over. Especially because you had a rather difficult personality, you were fearless at work, you weren't afraid to go into the fire to save lives, you did it without thinking twice.
To Bobby you were a cause of concern, and sometimes the reason why he was having trouble sleeping. He knew this personality very well. It was the same one he had struggled for years to learn to deal with, the one he had to fight with so many times, he was very familiar with this death wish love, it was the same as Buck’s.
The blue-eyed man on the other side, couldn't understand why he couldn't take his eyes off you. Ever since you arrived a few months ago, your image has been running through Buck’s mind. You've become a challenge for him. But not in a bad way, he wanted to get to know you, he wanted to understand you. But you didn't make things any easier for him, especially when today was the first time he'd seen you laugh.
"You're drooling" he snapped back to reality when he heard Eddie mocking next to him.
"Shut up" Buck said, turning his gaze back to you playing with his niece.
You had a beauty he couldn't explain, an angelic one. You had this steely gaze and looking at you felt like suicide. He would fall to his knees if you asked him to. How could someone so delicate also be so dangerous?
The way you were reluctant to follow Bobby's orders, you'd walk into the fire without a second thought. You would take risks without thinking about your own safety, just thinking about everyone else. He saw how hard you worked, he saw how mad Bobby got when he ordered the building to be evacuated and you were always the last one to leave. You were intriguing and he was fascinated.
It was so strange for you. Being in Maddie's living room, with everyone gathered together like a big family, laughing and telling funny stories. The team met once a week, with all the families together, the children running around the living room, the smell of food in the air, the voices, the laughter.
You accepted the invitation after a few months of refusing, and now you spent the week looking forward to the moment when you would be together again.
Sometimes when you got home from a meeting, you cried. You cried because you never had that, you never had anyone who cared about you. You were an unexpected pregnancy, your parents didn't planned you, they didn't want you and that was never a secret to anyone.
And that's why you were surprised when one day you arrived early at the station and Hen had a cake for you that you had once said reminded of what your grandmother used to bake.
Or when another one Eddie handed you a drawing that Chris made specifically for you. Of the two of you playing together.
Or when Maddie sent you, through Chim, the cookies you said you loved one day while you were having coffee together.
Or when Bobby invited you to have lunch with him and Athena on a Sunday ‘cause he knew you were going to do it alone.
Or when Buck gave you a book he'd heard you say was your favorite during a conversation.
*
It was mid-afternoon on a Sunday. Your hands were shaking, your heart pounding. The words your father had once spoken echoed in your mind. "You will never be loved". But you were at a table with 118's entire family, and you felt loved. Maddie told you about the gossip from her work. Karen hugged you from the side every time you passed by her. Hen included you in every conversation. Athena calmly answered all the questions you were curious about her work. So why did you feel like an imposter? Why was your father's voice echoing inside your head? Why were you on the verge of an anxiety attack?
"I'll be right back" you muttered to the girls, but you realized how shaky your voice sounded. You were pathetic.
You barely made it to the bathroom, your legs buckled and you sat down in the corner of the room. You could hardly breathe, it was hard to pull in the air. Tears streamed down your face. Your heart was racing. Your hands were shaking.
You heard your voice being called from outside. Damn. You couldn't calm down, your hand was on your chest as if it could make the pain go away.
"Hey, hey. I'm here. Calm down, I’ve got you" it was Buck.
His voice was just a whisper in your ear. You let a sob escape your lips. Pathetic. You felt his arms around you, until you were all wrapped up in his arms. Why was he doing that? Why did he care?
He stayed there until you stopped crying. You were still in his arms, and it was so warm, so safe. Sighs came from your lips, and you couldn't imagine what a mess Buck's head and heart were in. He wanted you in his arms, not just now.
"I'm sorry," you whispered and tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let you, so you stayed.
"You don't have to talk about what's going on in there, but the day you feel like you need a hug to cry into, you've got mine" your eyes filled with tears again. "And don't ever apologize for it"
*
The smiles on your lips were becoming constant. And it was Buck's favorite image. You were letting people through your armor, you were letting your guard down, and it felt good. You now baked pies and cakes for the station on your days off, recipes learned from the girls after a few long afternoons of chatting and coffee.
Your laughter was contagious, and the boys would always crack little jokes to get them out of you.
Your eyes were now looking out for a pair of blue ones, all the time, everywhere. Eyes that were always looking back at you. Your hands were always looking for an excuse to bump into Buck's, just to feel that shiver run down your spine every time. And he would find any reason to text you, until the excuses became routine. You woke up every day with a good morning message and went to bed with a good night one. The little touches now became big gestures, Buck loved to brush your hair out of your face and tuck them behind your ear. And you loved to run your hand over the birthmark above his eye. You loved when his warm lips traveled up your neck to your lips. You loved when his hands ran over your body always so slowly and so gently, bringing goosebumps wherever they went. You loved making love with him. How he worshiped your body, how much he worshiped you. The way he made you feel loved.
You had a hold on Buck, and you didn't even know it. He had become attached to you, attached to the idea of having you by his side. The nights with you were the ones he could truly rest in, the mornings where he woke up to your soft kisses on his face, were the ones he would keep forever in his mind.
But he could feel that you were still resisting his feelings, and he was terrified of losing you. Buck was in love with you. It took months for him to realize that, but he did it. He loved you.
But one thing has never changed. And as Buck followed the loud murmurs coming from Bobby’s office, where he knew you were at, he kept in mind the danger you were in at every call. He couldn't lose you.
"Hey, what happe-" he couldn't finish the sentence when he saw you walking out the door, since you brushed past him, bumping into his shoulder, without even looking him in the face.
Buck made his way to the room, where he saw his captain wiping his hands across his face, letting out an exhausted sigh.
"She'll end up dead if she keep acting like this, Buck"
"I know"
"After the last call, if she doesn't change her behavior, I'll be forced to suspend her."
"I know."
Buck couldn't lose you.
You couldn't talk to Buck yet, you were so nervous after your conversation with Bobby. You were trying your best, how could he tell you that you had a death wish love? You were saving lives, and it didn't matter if it cost you your own. You didn't care.
A new call ecoed through the station. It was something big. A fire in a shed. People were working at the time, so there were many likely victims. You were anxious, just as you were before any call, but you were ready for it. You were born ready.
"Be careful," Buck told you before you got off the truck and you nodded. You were always careful "I love you"
You turned surprised to Buck, you'd never said that to each other before. It disconcerted you.
"Buck, I-"
Before you could say anything, you heard Bobby calling you to give instructions and you had to run.
I love you.
The words echoed in your head as you entered the burning building. No one had ever said that to you. You didn't even know the weight those words carried.
"Sir, follow this path and the fireman will take you to the exit."
It was so hot. You'd already lost count of how many people you'd pulled out of the line of fire. Your head was heavy. It was getting hard to breathe.
"Evacuate the building now," you could hear Cap saying over the radio. Everyone agreed and gave their location. You were about to respond when you heard something.
It was a call for help.
You could have sworn it was a call for help.
"Captain, I'm in the east side, I hear someone screaming for help. I'm close, I can get them out"
"Negative, the building will collapse at any moment. Get out immediately"
Your vision was blurred.
I love you.
You couldn't go out and leave those people to die, so you went ahead. The way to the door was difficult, there was a lot of rubble, and when you opened it, you froze in place.
It was empty. The fire danced in front of you, mocking you. But the cries for help... you've never been so wrong before.
I love you.
“It’s empty” you murmured at the radio.
Bobby was shouting your name from the other end of the radio. You turned around, but it was so hard to breathe. You tried to find your way back, but everything was spinning. Buck was now calling your name.
I love you.
His words were running through your head. Your steps were now slow. The way out, you couldn't find the way out. You could hear the fire laughing at you. Stupid. Pathetic. You heard an explosion behind you, and it threw you off balance, bringing you to the ground. You'd been walking through fire all your life, and now it would finally take its place back. Your siren buzzed in your ears. That would be the end of you.
I love you too, Buck.
The moment Buck came out of the building and didn't see you outside, he tried to go back. But hands held him in place.
This couldn't be happening. No, no.
Bobby called your name on the radio and you didn't answer. It's empty. That was the last answer they got. You weren't answering. An explosion. On the east side, where you were.
Buck's knees gave way, and he went down. All eyes were on the exit of the building waiting for you, waiting for a miracle. But it never came.
Buck screamed, and he would scream until his lungs gave up.
Time seemed to stop. Buck's screams were the only noise to be heard. And another explosion. Tears rolled down trough some faces. No one could believe it. This couldn't be happening.
Buck couldn't lose you like this.
"We found her" some voice echoed over the radio.
Buck's heart could stop any second now.
But the building was collapsing.
He broke free from his friends and ran into the building, dodging all the fallen and burnt obstacles, and he saw you. You were in the arms of a fireman. He ran up to you and carried you out of the building. As soon as you stepped onto the sidewalk, the building collapsed. Buck held you in his arms with all his strength and ran, feeling the debris fly past you.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" was the first thing that came out of your lips when he put you on the stretcher and he shut you up, pressing his lips to yours.
Buck analyzed each of your wounds alongside Hen and Chim and you could see the tears streaming down Buck's face, the ones that were also streaming down your own.
You were still struggling to breathe, every inch of your body ached, and you felt on the verge of losing consciousness. Until you succumbed to the darkness that was calling your name.
*
You woke up a few hours later in hospital. Your hands were being squeezed and you could feel something wet running down over them. Tears.
Buck had his face in your hands, he had never felt so afraid before. And when he heard your voice calling him, it was as if he could finally breathe.
"I'm sorry, Buck, I-I don't know what happened-"
"I almost lost you today"
Your heart broke into a million pieces. You did this to him, your recklessness, your impulsive behavior. It was your fault.
"I'm sorry"
Tears were now streaming down your face and he moved closer, running his hands gently down your cheeks.
"I was terrified of losing you. I'd die if I do."
"I would never leave you"
"Promise?"
"I love you, Buck. And I'll love you to death"
"Please don't let it be soon"
You smiled. No one had ever loved you like that.
"It won't."
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ghostandsoap · 1 year ago
Text
⋆˙⟡⋆˙⟡⋆˙⟡
You liked sitting on his lap. John liked when you sat on his lap. It was something he could never refuse, so when you asked tonight, he said;
"Just for a few minutes, my love. I'm tired tonight."
Tired he most certainly was. In some form or another, John was always tired. It made sense, considering the pressure and stress that was bestowed upon him on a daily basis.
He had meant it when he said "just for a few minutes," and you totally respected his wishes.
Cut to 45 minutes later, you were still on his lap, doing much more than just sitting.
Somewhere along the way, T-shirts and pants were stripped and discarded for the night, leaving both of you bare and exposed to one another.
The gentle kisses and touches turned hot and passionate, and before he knew it, you were rising and sinking on his cock like your life depended on it.
The insides of your thighs and his lap were soaked, leaking down the sides of his hips onto the mattress beneath him. His hands were glued to your waist, holding on to you like you were the only thing that mattered in the entire world.
And frankly, you were the only thing that mattered right now.
John Price was a mess. His brain was so foggy and fuzzy that he couldn't form a singular thought other than a silent beg to you that said: please don't stop.
He was groaning, whimpering, and moaning every time you slammed back down onto his cock. The noises coming out of him were so desperate and so raw...so needy.
In a way, you almost felt bad for working him like this when you knew how exhausted he was. Although, John wasn't complaining in the slightest because tired or not -- this was perfect.
The feeling of your walls squeezing his cock and his tip prodding far inside of you was intoxicating. He could do this forever if he could.
A fuck-drunk smile spread on his face as he peered at you through glazed eyes, his voice strained and breathy.
“F-Fuck,” Price heaved, his chest rising and falling with every deep inhale and exhale of air. “Keep fuckin’ me just like that, baby.”
Your hands were splayed on his chest, as you rocked, dragged, and rolled your hips on his cock so perfectly that he was sure that he was dreaming this up.
"Pretty baby...s-so fuckin' beautiful," He whimpered, struggling to even get the words out. "My pretty girl."
His lips were hot and trembling when he lifted himself enough to kiss you, his heart fluttering when you softly laughed.
"I love you, John." You whispered against his lips, his cock twitching inside of you from all the stimulation.
"Oh fuck, darling..." He groaned, gasping for air. "I love you."
If this is what "sitting on his lap" would be from now on, then his seat was always open.
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beomiracles · 4 months ago
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hiii! i’ve never requested before but as i’m stalking *tehe* your account- OMG U WRITE SO GOOD BSFR
can i request something like a cosplayer!gf x soobin? yk he’s such a weeb & a nerd, i js know he would love a cosplayer gf (not only ‘cause i do cosplay lmao). Maybe some smut-ish?
TYSMMM, i hope u take the request babes <33
⌞ 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 ⌝
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DREAM RECALL Soobin knows that he should feel ashamed, but he can't help it. He wants nothing but to see his girlfriend completely ruined before him.
wc -> 2.8k
pairings soobin x cosplayer!gf warnings perv!soobin, masturbation (m), vaginal fingering, overstimulation (f), dacryphilia, unprotected sex + creampie, teetering on the edge of dub-con at some points, soobin calls reader "bunny", reader wears bunny ears !
#serene adds ✎ hii omg tysm eek that makes me super happy to hear >.< I tried my best, I'm not a cosplayer myself so I might've gotten some things wrong, but I think it's such a cool thing to be able to do ! this might not be exactly what you wanted, I think I got a little carried away, I hope it's still an enjoyable read nonetheless :3
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It was really no secret that Soobin liked your cosplays. How he would so often brag about his girlfriend who could transform into just about anyone. Not to mention the several times he watched you get ready with big fascinated eyes as he asked you tons of questions, or went out of his way to buy you the things you needed. So no, it wasn’t exactly a secret that he liked it. Well, maybe a little, maybe he hadn’t told you just how much he really enjoyed it. 
Some of them were fine, the costumes that made him giggle, the ones that were unique and funky. But some made his breath catch in his throat as he shoved a pillow over his lap. The flimsy short dresses, the tight tops, the jewelry that dangled from your neck. Even the fluffy bunny ears you once put on made him rethink his morals. — He doesn’t know how to approach it, if he should say something, or just keep quiet. Would you be disgusted with him or would you be just as turned on? He didn’t know but the thought was slowly eating him away. 
You didn’t exactly make things easier. Always sauntering about in your revealing costumes, making his dick strain uncomfortably in his briefs as he tears his gaze away. He knows that you love what you do, catching you smiling and laughing as you edit your videos, always excited to talk about your next costume. Soobin doesn’t want to ruin something you hold so dearly just because of his perverted mind. Yet he can’t help but replay the scene in his head, over and over until his hand moves down his pants on its own. 
Short fluffy skirt bunched up over your stomach, your tits bouncing in rhythm with each harsh thrust of his as your bottom lip quivers, big bunny ears flopping down the sides of your face as your dainty nails claw at his arms. — Fuck, Soobin knows it’s bad. So why can’t he stop?    
Things get no better when you call out for him that evening, your squeaky voice echoing through the walls of your apartment. He gets up from the couch, dragging his feet over to your shared bedroom, pushing the slightly ajar door open before his eyes almost shot out of their sockets. — “Can you help me zip this up?” You whine as you struggle with the zipper of your short dress. The lacey material was just the kind that immediately got his mind reeling and Soobin fumbled for words before eventually nodding, awkwardly stumbling inside the room. 
His big hands are clumsy on your back as he twists at the locking mechanisms of your garment, his brows deeply furrowed as he tries to get it right. “M-Maybe it’s broken”, you huff, making a small grimace as he tugs at the costume. Soobin only shakes his head, “no it’ll work”, he mutters, intent on seeing you in the skimpy piece of clothing. And at last he does get it, heaving a small sigh he takes a step back as you admire yourself in the mirror. 
“Thank you, babe!” You chirp, rushing to give his cheek a small peck before setting up your phone. “Do you wanna watch?” — Your innocent question sends blood straight to his groin and he has to blink twice before comprehending your words. “I…sure”, he nods, moving to sit by the edge of the bed, securely out of view from your camera. 
You had explained multiple times how you filmed your content, lip syncing to different songs and sometimes having full on dialogues. But Soobin finds himself unable to focus on anything besides how your tits moved as you redid take after take, huffing when you got something wrong as you pulled at the colorful wig on your head. 
His eyes are glued to the way the dress slides up your thighs, frowning as your hand wraps around the fabric to pull it down again. He bites the inside of his cheek, shifting uncomfortably on the plush mattress as he watches you bend forward to mess with the settings on your phone, your soft tits almost spilling out of the tight costume. — He knows that he’s done for if you turn around right now, and he swallows, fingers curling around the blanket beneath him. 
He should leave, actually he should probably have left right away, but his greedy mind just couldn’t say no. It takes everything in him to tear his gaze from you, quickly removing himself from the bed as he heads for the door, though your voice makes him freeze in his tracks. “Where are you going, Binnie?” He can practically hear the pout on your lips and he has to bite back a small groan. “Just the bathroom”, he mumbles, hoping that you won’t catch on to how strained his voice had become. 
Your obliviousness is endearing as you give a small “okay”, and the immense wave of guilt washing over him is almost unbearable. Yet his demanding arousal wins him over and as soon as the bathroom door shuts behind him does his hand slip past the hem of his sweats. — Letting his head fall back against the cool tiles, Soobin exhales as his fingers wrap around his aching cock, groaning as he tugs on it. No matter how hard he tries not to, the image of you in the room down the hall clouds his vision. 
It wasn’t like it was unwarranted, right? You were his girlfriend, so why did he feel so shameful over jacking off to the silly little costumes you wore? But the thought of confronting what he thought to be a bizarre kink, felt almost worse than jerking it off in secret. You’d probably be disgusted with him, Soobin thinks so at least. And that’s the last thing he wants. 
He takes a cold shower after that, trying his hardest to scrub away the shame and the guilt. It never worked. He feels just as hot when he steps out again, almost like he was running a fever, an incurable one. — You ask him about his sudden disappearance at dinner but he merely brushes it off. And you’re so naive, believing every single word passing his lying lips. 
Not even when he’s balls deep inside of you that night, thick cock ramming into your throbbing cunt, can he get the thoughts out of his head. His mind works overtime as it conjures image after image of you all dressed up for him, your makeup smudged by the tears that streamed down your face as he brings you to orgasm after orgasm. — Only snapping out of his haze when your whiny voice pierces the air, “B-Binnie, s’too much!” — “Fuck, sorry Bunny”, the petname slips out without him thinking twice and it isn’t until he catches your small frown that he realizes his mistake. 
“You’ve never called me that before..” You sound hesitant and Soobin stills inside of you. “Ah.. No I suppose I haven’t”, he huffs, clearing his throat rather awkwardly, “if you don’t like it I-” — “No, I do.” He blinks, unmoving as he swallows, did he hear that right? The tiny confirmation sends him spiraling and he reconnects your lips in a kiss, thinking, hoping, that maybe he’d be able to get just a step closer to what his twisted mind desired. 
⸝⸝
Sometimes it was almost like the universe liked to pull pranks on Soobin. Or maybe it was karma? It had to be one of the two, because he nearly drops his phone as you come skipping down the hallway, dressed in nothing but a fluffy skirt and a cute sparkly top. — You immediately begin rambling on about the character you’re portraying as you twirl before him, modeling the look. But Soobin isn’t listening, in fact he’s barely heard a word you’ve said, even as his gaze trains on your glossy lips. You always did your makeup nice, but today you had gone all out, pink cheeks matching the shadow around your eyes, and he could’ve sworn you used something akin to glitter on the tip of your nose. 
“Do you like it?” You wonder, twisting the flimsy skirt between your fingers as you await his response. Soobin’s eyes find yours, wide and curious meeting his lustful and near pleading ones. There’s really only one thing he can say. — “You should put the bunny ears on.” 
You frown, the confusion is evident on your pretty face as your pink lips part. “The bunny ears? But they don’t even have anything to do with this costume, silly!” — “I know.” He shrugs, feigning nonchalance but the way desire swirls behind his gaze surely gives him away. You bite the inside of your cheek, appearing almost conflicted as you rock back and forth on the sole of your feet. “Binnie, don’t you think–” 
“I think”, he interrupts, shifting against the sofa before he continues, “that you should put them on and go lay down on our bed.” — Your jaw slacks as your fingers, previously tangled up in your skirt, drops to your sides, sure you were used to Soobin being commanding but this was something completely new. Then your eyes drift to the bulge in his pants, wondering how it could’ve passed your notice before, and you nod, slowly turning on your heel as you head for the bedroom. 
Soobin lets his head fall back against the couch with a soft groan. Running a hand through his hair, he slowly considers what he was about to go through with. But not before long does he get up to head after you. — The door is ajar, letting him catch a glimpse of the bed before he pushes it open. He finds you perched on the mattress, knees tucked under you as you fiddle with the fluffy ears on your head. When you see him entering you immediately make a move to lie down, visibly gulping as he reaches the bed in three long strides. 
This was far from anything the two of you had done before. You supposed that some might even call your sex life a bit vanilla. While it wasn’t something you had given much thought, Soobin most definitely seemed to have as he looms over you. — You looked so pretty, so perfectly put together, and he wanted nothing more than to see you ruined. 
His large hand is on your cheek, gently caressing the pink hues as he sends you a loving look. “Gorgeous bunny”, he murmurs, pulling your plump bottom lip down, your sticky gloss smearing all over his thumb as he pushes it inside your mouth. He’s pleasantly surprised when you eagerly swirl your tongue around it, coating his finger in your saliva. You keep your eyes on him the whole time, the small eye contact makes his cock practically jump in his pants and he retracts his thumb with a grunt. 
Eagerly he hikes the fluffy skirt up above your stomach. The cotton panties you wore underneath were nothing special, you hadn’t exactly planned for things to take such an intimate turn but Soobin’s breath still catches in his throat as his fingers trace the lining. — “So soft”, he exhales, hand dipping inside the thin garment as his long fingers slide between your folds, making you suck in a sharp breath as your teeth latch onto your painted lip. 
Driven by the fantasies conjured in his far too imaginative mind, it’s almost as if he’s taken on a completely different persona. The uncharacteristic look in his eyes makes you throb against him, his saliva coated thumb skimming over your clit, has you crying out as he quickly pushes a finger inside of your clenching hole. — He wants to ease you into it, take it slow, like he usually did, but there’s something urging him on today. Desperate to see you ruined by his hand, Soobin quickly adds a second finger, not slowing down as he hears you wail, cute nails practically ripping the sheets apart as your thighs twitch. 
His free hand tugs your panties down, leaving them by your knees as he grows impatient, his attention returning to your slick core; watching intently as your arousal trails down the back of his hand. Soobin was a gentle lover, he loved taking his time as he watches your face morph into pleasurable expressions, he loved hearing your small gasps and moans as he slides himself inside of you before gently picking up his pace. But none of that lingers today.  
Neither the shame nor bashfulness exists within him any longer. He can’t bring himself to care when you look so pretty beneath him, whimpering as you orgasm around his fingers, his name falling from your lips like it was second nature. — “N-No s’too much!” You whine as his fingers continue to spread your puffy folds, but Soobin’s too far gone already. “S’okay bunny, I’m gonna make you feel so good”, he murmurs, planting a tender kiss to your forehead and you preen under him. 
Sweat has dribbled down your face, causing your makeup to crease but Soobin only groans at the sight, his large hand feverishly working to free his throbbing cock from the confinement of his pants. — Your quiet cry when his tip meets your clit makes his chest swell as he lets himself become coated in the remnants of your previous high. “Binnie”, the nickname makes him twitch as his gaze flickers up to meet yours. Your bottom lip wobbles, short pants emitting from deep within your throat and your eyes are wide. Fuck you look gorgeous.
Soobin thinks he might come the second he slips past your wet folds, your overstimulated cunt sucking him in like never before and you whimper at the stretch of his thick cock. He starts out slow, like he usually did, though his restraints quickly snap as his pace becomes near unbearable. His eyes focus on the way your tits move with each thrust, their rhythmical bounce as they strain against the sparkly top makes him groan as he increases his force. — He traps one of your floppy bunny ears between his fingers, feeling the soft material against his open palm before he tugs on it, making you whine as your back arches off the mattress. 
“Prettiest little bunny I’ve ever seen”, he grunts, his hips slamming against yours with such force that you let out a small hiccup. Your hands move to his shoulders, pretty nails digging into the flesh there as you meekly nod, jaw slacking as you blink up at him. — His thumb is on your lips again, except this time he’s smearing your pink gloss across your cheek and chin, wanting you to look nothing but ravaged when he’s done with you. 
He can tell that you’re having a hard time keeping up, the tears welling in your eyes a clear indicator. “S-Slow down, Binnie!” You sniffle, your grip on his upper arms becoming near deadly. And any other day he would’ve complied in a heartbeat, scooping you into his arms as he coddled you, but he needs to see you ruined, he can’t stop now. — The first droplet to fall from your eyes makes him let out a strangled noise as his cock twitches deep inside of you. The ones that follow manage to smear your perfect makeup, leaving streaks on your pink tinted cheeks. 
Your quiet sobs are interrupted by breathy moans as his index and middle finger swirls around your throbbing clit. “Hnng, I’m g-gonna.. p-please let me..” Your incoherent pleas only make his mind spin, adding to the sensation of having you completely wrecked before him. His large palm against your tear stained cheek is near trembling as he leans in to press a chaste kiss to your lips. “S’okay bunny, I’ve got you.” He presses reassuring pecks to your face, covering you in his love as he feels you clench around him, pulling a sharp hiss between his gritted teeth as you finish around his cock. 
Once the wave of intense pleasure subsides you’re left a whimpering mess as Soobin abuses your spent cunt, using it however he pleases as he thrusts into you without showing any signs of slowing down. — You looked so perfect like this, your once pretty costume completely disheveled all thanks to him. Your mind is nothing but a hazy fog as you gaze up at him, letting him have his way with you because you’re nothing but a dumb bunny, his dumb bunny. 
He lets his head fall to the crook of your neck as his hips stutter, making sure to fill your pretty little cunt with as much of his seed as possible, preserving it by slowly fucking his soft cock into you despite your wails. — “You’re okay”, he murmurs, pressing tender kisses to your sweat covered neck as he slumps against your chest. “So perfect for me”, he sighs as he leans up to catch a glimpse of your face. He finds a small grin playing on your lips, making his heart flutter almost agonizingly as he props himself up to place a kiss to that very smile.
Such a perfectly dumb bunny, he thinks.  
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themeraldee · 3 months ago
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I think a great awkward sex fic could be homelander making love for the first time.
Not losing his virginity, but having sex with someone he loves
anon you're sooooooo smart!!!! I love this idea so much. After being in such a funk this reignited me and I had to write it now!! It took a different turn at the end but I don't dictate what the characters do!! thank you for this idea and please enjoy 🩷
Imperfectly Perfect
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[Masterlist] [AO3]
18+ Only | 2.7k | Homelander x fem!Reader | Awkward sex. Realistic sex. Embarrassing sex noises. Feelings of inadequacy. Homelander being a mild drama queen. Cunnilingus. Unprotected sex.
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Looking back at it, it was meant to be perfect.
Homelander eagerly ushered you back to his penthouse after an incredible date out. He pulled out all the stops, renting out the top rated, most expensive restaurant just for you. He spent the entire night charming your pants off with his strangely charismatic and at times awkward self. 
Buzzing with anticipation he couldn’t wait to show you what else he had in store for you. You’ve changed his perception of everything. Ever since you’ve wormed your way into his heart, he’s locked the way out and threw away the key. You’ve made him feel like nobody else ever has and he thought it high time he repay the favor. That’s why tonight had to be perfect. 
He wanted to show you what awaits you in your shared future.
He had some poor Vought employees absolutely drown his penthouse with bouquets of rich red roses, rose petals strewn across most surfaces, candles illuminating every corner, highlighting the glittering gold of the picture frames adorning his walls. Smooth jazz played in the background at a low volume sealing the deal on what ended up feeling like a scene plucked from an elaborate Valentine’s day ad.
“Wow! This is—wow! Homelander, you didn’t have to do all this.” You looked around the space, taking in the change with a shock and awe on your face. This quickly turned into a beautiful bright smile that made Homelander feel like he was on top of the world. He’s obviously doing something right.
“Anything for my girl.” He pulled you in gently, making the dress he’s picked for you twirl prettily. “Come with me,” he pressed a kiss to your soft lips, letting them linger for a little while while he inhaled the scent of your perfume—also his choice—and the roses surrounding you both. At that moment he thought that tonight would be perfect, one for the books.
And now? It didn’t take long for it to already be turning into a disaster.
From his point of view at least.
You’re sitting at the edge of the bed, leaning back on your arms as you watch the show. You asked to watch him take off his suit, promising that you’d give him just as good of a show as he would. 
Prior to this he has taken his elaborate suit off thousands of times anytime he’d go to bed. Now he’s struggling as if both of his hands were left-handed and this was his first suit fitting. He’s so tense, his nerves tighter than a bow string making his hands shake while he unclasps the cape, immediately folding it on the rack out of habit before he continues unzipping his suit. His heart is beating like a drum in his ears, he wouldn’t be surprised if even your ordinary ones could pick up on it. 
It’s not that he’s never had sex. It’s just that the anticipation of what he’s built up in his head is making him overthink his every move. He needs you to know that he can be like this for you. Because the perfect mainstream image of romance is what every woman dreams of—right?
When the zipper gets stuck and doesn’t let him unzip like normal he panics internally. There were meant to be no hiccups today! 
Observant that you are, you stand up as soon as you see him struggle and swear and take the step closer to him. “Let me help you.” You put your hands on his before sliding them up his forearms, then shoulders before going down to rest on his chest.
“How about you let me undress you and then you undress me.” You give him a cheeky smile, trying to break the tension he put himself into. “Does that sound good?” You ask quietly and breathy as you undo the zipper he was struggling with. 
He nods curtly, feeling ashamed that he’s admitting to a fault on his part.
But with the continuous dreamy eye-contact you slowly help him out. Undoing clasps, and zippers of his convoluted uniform. 
He was less worried about you seeing him naked than he is about the whole performance of it all. He’s let you see him without the suit before. Early into your blooming relationship you’ve stumbled upon him covered in blood. It only made sense to take the shower together as you helped him wash all of it off. But even then, he didn’t want it to go further. He said he had plans and asked you to let him make it perfect. 
When he’s finally fully naked he pulls you in for a hot kiss. It’s almost in gratitude at helping him mend the situation and put it back on track. He walks you back to the bed pushing you on it. He’s only about half hard, which is unusual for him as Homelander easily gets a hard-on in a split second anytime you just look at him a certain way. So it’s a surprise that he’s not panting and leaking with the way you look tonight. 
Clearly, he’s still stuck in his head.
With each kiss he presses into your skin, tasting the softness of your every spot he gets more and more excited. Slowly melting into you with each little huff you let out as he kisses your body, undressing you in tandem. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” He growls into your ear before kissing you flush on the lips. Hot and heavy, he licks into your mouth, moaning at the way you pull at his hair when you rake your fingers through it.
Just as you want to take some control back, treat him the same way he’s treating you, he stops you.
“Nuh, uh. Ladies first. Let me make you feel good.” He rumbles as he pushes your hands off his body. You look pleased at his words, giving him an excited little grin.
And just like that, he’s finally taking control of the situation again. He’s got a script in his head and he needs to follow it to a tee.
Down on his knees, he pulls you closer to the edge of the bed. Already spreading your legs open, unabashedly inhaling the scent of you, already aroused and wet for him. He grins like a shark to himself. Without giving you much heads-up or taking it slow he just straight up buries himself in between your legs.
Just the smell of you had his cock finally turning rock hard, now with the taste of you he feels it twitching, drooling precum from the tip.
He’s licking you open, spreading you with his tongue. Like a mad man who doesn’t know where to focus first, with little rhythm he changes between strongly sucking at your clit, pointing his tongue sharply and running circles around your clit right before shoving his tongue into you, tongue-fucking you just like he imagines will leave your mind blown.
Except. 
“Little softer, please.” You sound out in between sweet little sighs. You’ve taken to running your nails through his hair, giving his scalp a little massage while he went to town on you.
“M’sorry.” He mumbles into your pussy as he quickly looks up at you. He slows down with his urgency though he’s a little peeved at the way he’s not been able to rock your world yet. 
“Don’t be—ah—it’s great. I just like it a little softer.” 
It’s great? Great?! It should be mind-blowing, incredible, glorious! Not just great. Immediately his ego takes a hit but he doesn’t outwardly show it. In his mind you should’ve been moaning and shaking for him, coming on his tongue while he got his fill of you. 
This doesn’t happen.
And while he’s doing better, making you moan a little louder, forcing small gasps out of you as he softens his tongue flat, gently laving over your clit before sucking on it softly. He’s not making you cum and that’s killing him.
You suddenly sharply tug on his hair and at first he thinks you’re getting close but you pull again and he looks up at you confused.
“Come up here.” You guide him up.
“But you didn’t finish.” He scrunches his eyebrows confused and for a second he looks like an innocent sweet puppy. 
“I don’t wanna come yet. I’m actually usually done after one orgasm so I reaaally want to have you inside me for the big finish you know?” You sign that off with a wolfish grin that he immediately eats up as he climbs up to devour you, making you taste yourself on his lips. 
With the thoughts of being inside you where it’s all soft and warm and really just made for his cock, he abandons his thoughts of inadequacy. 
And as much as you want to participate, Homelander keeps pushing you off, instead focusing on your body and all the places he hasn’t managed to kiss yet. 
When he swats your hand away from his cock again you ask. “Why won’t you let me return the favor?” 
“Another time.”
“But I wanna blow you! It’s not fair, why can’t I?” You keep pouting and you’re as adorable as you are annoying because as much as he’s sure your mouth will feel amazing he’s even more certain that your pussy will be fucking incredible. And he definitely won’t make it through both.
“Because I’ll bust, alright?” He swats your hands away instead pinning your wrists down onto the plush bedding making you yelp in surprise and arousal. He can sense the way that got you all excited. “Now just let me fuck you… please?” He says before kissing you again.
You automatically spread your legs. He kneels on the bed, sitting on his heels as his eyes immediately lock onto the sight of your pussy, still pretty and wet for him. A sight that makes his heart swell. Part of him was worried you wouldn’t want him with such voracity. He made sure to keep some lube on hand in case you wouldn’t get wet enough for it to be comfortable for you but he was preening that he managed to get you this wet. 
Homelander let one of his fingers glide down your slit, gathering the slick before pushing a finger in, immediately groaning at the intense heat of your cunt. He couldn’t wait to get his cock in you.
He gathers more slick that you seem to be making an abundance of but this time he gives his cock a few strokes, giving it a nice, wet coating. “So perfect for me.” He whispers out more to himself than you before he shuffles closer, holding his cock in his hand, rubbing it up and down your slit before eagerly pushing in.
The sheer tight heat of you has him gasping, you’d almost think he was in pain if it wasn’t for the blissed out look on his face.
When he sinks all the way in, he takes in your pretty face, your softly parted lips, gently flushed face and a look in your eyes that he’s sure he’ll never forget. You look at him with such love and adoration it’s impossible for him to stop the, “I love you,” that comes out of him before he kisses you.
“I love you too.” You say with a bright smile when he lets you breathe.
 He thinks at this moment, there’s no way this could be anything less than perfect.
Getting lost in the sensation he picks up the pace. He fucks into your faster and harder with each stroke and it’s not bad but it’s too too much from the get go. Homelander doesn’t see this. In his head he wants to make you cum before he himself finishes which with his track record might not be a very long time.
“Hey hey hey, slow down. You don’t need to go all hard and fast so quickly okay?” You say with a breathless little laugh, looking a bit rattled from the way he’s been fucking you into the mattress.
Fuck. He fucked up again. He’s disappointing you. That thought makes his heart hurt and jaw clench. But Homelander doesn’t let it show as he just nods at you, kissing his tension away, trying to get his head back into enjoying himself as much as he should.
But the universe isn’t kind to him and when he eases himself back into you, pressing his body against your sweat-covered one, the glide of skin on skin well… It makes a sound that could only be described as a fart!
You burst into giggles at the comical sound and you seem to think that’s it but Homelander is mortified. His eyes widen and he gasps, pushing himself off your sweat-slick skin. “That wasn’t—I didn’t—”
When he tries to explain that it wasn’t him it just makes you laugh harder.
He doesn’t get it—you’re laughing! It’s so incredibly embarrassing and it’s ruining the vision he had for the night. Tonight was about him finally opening up to you, letting you feel just how strongly he feels about you and it’s been a disaster from the start.
He feels himself softening inside you so he pulls out before you notice and he grumpily pulls away from you, turning to sit at the edge of the bed to sulk.
Your giggles died out as soon as you noticed him pull away. “Baby? Don’t be upset. I’m not laughing at you.” You sit up, reaching over to him, moving closer. 
“It’s fucking embarrassing! Tonight was meant to be—well not like this!” He’s upset and he’s trying to take it out on you as if pretending that it’s your fault is gonna soothe his hurt ego.
“It’s okay. It’s normal, it happens. It’s literally just skin on skin. Bodies make funny sounds!” You try to soothe him by rubbing his arms and shoulder, occasionally pressing a kiss to his head or side of his neck.
“You shouldn’t be laughing at it like this whole thing doesn’t matter.” He said with a bite in his tone, almost accusing you of not sharing his feelings.
“I’m laughing because this does matter to me. I’m comfortable around you. You make me feel at ease and let my guard down. I’m laughing precisely because I love you.”
He doesn’t respond and you continue soothing his hurt feelings.
“It’s beautiful, the way you’ve prepared this place. But do you wanna hear a secret?” You move closer to him and turn his head with your finger. “It’d be just as romantic without all of it. Even if the first time we had sex was in a broom closet. Or whatever. The point is—it’s you. That makes it all so special.”
He sighs with palpable relief and he nuzzles his head into the hand you placed on his cheek. He could just about devour you for being so amazing. 
“I just wanted it to be perfect for you.” He admits his insecurity, giving you the ammunition to rip his heart in two if you wanted to. He knows you hear the ‘I want to be perfect for you,’ he’s really trying to convey. 
“It is perfect. Tonight, the whole thing. Everything that’s happened. It’s been perfect. I’ve been loving every second of it.” You kiss him on the lips and he melts. He turns so he can embrace you with the kiss, feeling the tension finally slip away. With no expectations, he can enjoy you the way he should have from the start.
“Come on, lie down. Stop thinking.” It’s your turn to press him into the mattress as he lies on his back staring up at you with pure adoration.
Just like that, after seeing you on top of him all pretty and loving his cock is back at full hardness. You finally wrap your hand around it, giving it a few strokes before you lower yourself down on him.
“We’re getting to know our bodies. You learn what I like, I learn what you like. None of this thinking of what it should be like. Okay?” He nods at you although he’s very preoccupied with taking in the incredible feeling of you wrapped hotly around him, sending his mind into a frenzy.
You bounce on him, showing him exactly how you like it, what angle and what pace and in the meanwhile you coo sweet, soothing words. Clearly seeing just how much work his hurt ego will need to get back to normal. 
And somehow, in the end, it’s so much more perfect than he could ever imagine it to be.
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