#it makes the experience so pleasant i also enjoy uni <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[adore-gregor]

I feel so lucky

[linagram]

[linagram characters' vocals ranked from best to worst]

huge thanks to my friend for reminding me to do this, i was meaning to, but then. uni.

so yeah, you know how milgram didn't actually just get ten (eleven, if you count es) people who are not only murderers, but are also good at singing and their real vocals may not actually be that good (for example, mahiru)?

yeah, so here's a ranking of how good everyone's real vocals are to how. bad they are.

1. naomi (has a surprisingly pretty and calming voice, though she rarely sings. her younger sister is pretty good at singing as well, so maybe it's a genetics-related thing in some way. she stopped singing at all after her father had said that her voice is perfect for singing lullabies and since she's not interested in becoming a mother at all.. yeah.)

2. kei (his vocals are definitely not for everyone, but THE RANGE HE HAS?? he can easily go from a very high-pitched and feminine-sounding voice (he's also really good at sounding like a child) to a very low-pitched and scary voice in a minute. when his friends heard him sing for the first time, they couldn't believe just how good he was and joked about him "stealing their girlfriends" because of how talented he is. he doesn't know why he's so good at it and just thinks it's because all sanadas are creative in some way.)

3. aimi (just like naomi, has a very soft voice, though hers sounds more "cute". some of her family members have joked about her having the talent and the looks to become an idol, but aimi isn't really interested in that. she's not interested in having fans, she just wants to have friends.)

4. riku ("he's in a band, why is he not the best one" honestly.. i don't imagine his voice being THE best one? i certainly think riku's voice would be very powerful and he would have a wide range, but it's not always that pleasant to listen to. i imagine his vocals being good, but not.. unique, you know? he's very insecure about it too and it doesn't help that he has some problems with his throat, so he has to be very careful. i also imagine him to be a better songwriter and a guitarist rather than a vocalist.)

5. yurika (just like kei, she can easily change her voice and it's surprisingly strong, so yeah, she can still definitely handle a song like meme. however, she's lower than riku because her voice is a little.. like, again, i don't think people would enjoy listening to her real voice that much. her real singing literally sounds like screaming sometimes.)

6. eiko (not particularly good, but not particularly bad. her vocals are not that special, but she's also not as bad as the prisoners below. she doesn't really care about that though, since she's not interested in singing anyway. however, she's confident enough to assume eiji will like her voice in her first vd, so yeah, queen behavior.)

7. reina (her voice is way too high-pitched so when she starts singing, it sounds like a crying child.)

8. asahi (WHAT ARE YOU EXPECTING FROM A 12 YEAR OLD.)

9. akio (can't sing to save his life. arata loves to make fun of him for that)

10. shun (shun.)

it's a bit hard to talk about the guards' vocals, but surprisingly, hiyuu is actually the most musically gifted out of all of them. just like kei's voice, his voice is not for everyone and it's very quiet and whispery, but he has the most experience with singing and music in general out of all three. he would most likely be between riku and yurika.

miki comes second, i think she would have the potential, but because of how much of an anxious wreck this girl is, her voice wouldn't be that strong and it would be hard for her to sing fast-paced songs or songs that require more powerful vocals. it would be hard for her to sing certain notes too and she doesn't have much experience, so i think she'd be somewhere between yurika and eiko.

eiji. oh, eiji. i actually think his "milgram" vocals would be SO GOOD, like i just know his cover of animal with the amane cover instrumental would sound amazing, but in real life.. he's not that good at singing. yeah, he's terrible actually. most of the time he can't sing even one line because he just goes "UGH THIS IS STUPID" and leaves. which is a shame because sanadas love going to karaoke, so kei kinda forces him to sing at least something. he'd be somewhere between akio and shun. asahi point and laugh at him.

[icequeenbae]

Desert Flower (m) Ch. 3 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~4.5k (Chapter 3)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist   >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: Heyy! How’re you guys doing so far?^^ Sooo, this chapter is the longest of all since the story begins to unfold here! The next one is the finale already, and it’s going to be pretty epic, dare I say;) Let me know what kind of plot twists you’re anticipating! 💥

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo @baeklightsx @wooya1224 @baekklove​

Chapter 3. The little birdie told me

For an entire week after you first had sex, you’d stayed away. You felt guilty and foolish for letting that happen. Was he a rebound? Was it even acceptable that you did it with your ex-boyfriend’s twin? Could you live with yourself, knowing what he tasted like, or how his voice became gruff as he really got into it? And, worst of all, you wanted to experience that again. You were virtually ashamed to recall the night you’d spent with him, his roughness that left bruises (not entirely unpleasant), his bossiness that made you come out of your own shell to take what you wanted, what you needed, from him. Thinking back to the way you slammed yourself onto his thighs, or how he then folded you in half and made you come, or the name-calling… It was unbearable because despite believing that you’d made a shameless mistake, you wanted to make it all over again. You wanted to feel his prickly touch on your skin, and his prurient eyes not missing a single curve of your body. You wanted to be pushed by him, and you couldn’t understand the nature of any of those desires. Was it because you’d developed feelings for him? Or because he offered you such a pleasant way of self-destruction?

In his hands, you fell apart and reassembled. Not entirely the same, but then how could you be? The person who broke you had left for good, taking pieces of your puzzle with him. It seemed like a better option than to stay depressed and waiting to be fixed, ending up never achieving completeness.

Baëkhyun wasn’t a perfect fit for you, nor was he someone to heal your pain with the tenderness of his own heart. But only with him, you felt these strong emotions again. Only with him your heart was not aching but fluttering again, excited by the dangerous smirk he was wearing, and the predatory eyes that promised to devour you in the most delectable ways possible.

You stayed away, contemplating your decision and the rationale for it. The questions in your head seemed never-ending. Were you subconsciously trying to get back at Baekhyun? Were you replacing him? Or maybe you were just this quick in finding someone else to hand your still-broken heart over to? Baëkhyun did not seem like the guy who’d want it. He was kind of a bad guy, if you could even be the judge of that. Yet he had never actually hurt you, and he did not like to see you upset, even when it was over someone else.

Or because it was over someone else.

And although you didn’t consider him to be boyfriend material, you decided to give it a try. Not at all expecting it to be a relationship – you weren’t ready for a new one anyway. Still, you wanted to continue this unusual arrangement. Or so you’d been telling yourself when you texted him to come over after a week of radio silence.

As easy as it was for you to grow attached to him as your strange relationship quickly progressed, it should have been a warning sign. Baëkhyun kept asking you about the boys, the time you spent with Baekhyun at their base, and the stuff they’d told you about. And it wasn’t like you just spilled all the secrets – he usually asked about completely random stuff that seemed quite harmless to reveal.

But he was also a strategist. And you had no idea how powerful his mind was.

***

You laid your head on Baëkhyun’s chest, still hot and sweaty after the hours spent roughing up the bed. He stayed with you this time, arm wrapped around your waist intimately.

‘I didn’t expect you to be a natural,’ he hummed out of nowhere.

‘Hm?’ You turned slightly in his hold.

‘You’re getting pretty good at going after what you want. Will suit you well, being a little bad, birdie.’

‘Birdie?’ He met your curious eyes and chuckled, pressing you closer into his side.

‘Ain’t it accurate? You’re like a baby bird that I’m teaching how to fly.’ He stared for a moment. ‘You shouldn’t be down because of anyone anymore. I’d take personal offense if you are,’ he accentuated.

The uninvited warmth seeped into you, and you nuzzled his neck in a fit of affection.

‘Maybe you have to teach me more,’ you teased. ‘Scratch that. Teach me more.’

‘Now you’re just greedy,’ he sneered. ‘But I don’t mind.’

He allowed you to place a few kisses onto the side of his neck, before catching your hand, tracing his V-line down.

‘As much as I enjoy wrecking you, I don’t think you can take any more today.’

‘Aw, worried about me?’ You mocked, biting onto his collarbone playfully.

He squeezed your ass cheek in response.

‘Don’t test me. If you like a little more pain, it can be arranged. But not like this. It’s not what you truly want.’

‘How do you know that it’s not,’ you whined, as he patted your ass.

‘I know you, birdie. And I have a feeling that you’ve learned more about yourself in the last month than in the years prior. Care to give me some credit?’ His icy blue eyes gleamed in the dim lighting.

‘I really wanna blow you right now,’ you deadpanned. Baëkhyun was so, so alluring with that sexy hoarse laugh of his.

‘Wake me up with it tomorrow. If you want it that much.’

But the morning of slow lustful awakening didn’t come – instead, you awoke in an empty bed, alone. Brushing your teeth and washing up quickly, you headed to the kitchen to find your lover... And froze on the spot as soon as you caught bits of the hushed conversation.

‘I’m aware it’s been weeks but building trust takes time, you know? She’s already told me so much-’ Baëkhyun stopped mid-sentence, supposedly interrupted, and sighed. ‘Don’t. I’ll bring her in myself. Yes, I got it, Suhø. I’ll drag her in if I have to.’

You felt anxiety rise at his words, cold sweat breaking. Was he- talking about you? Or was he ‘building trust’ with some other girl? No, that was bound to be you. And who was he conversing with?

Everything was unclear, but your intuition had you tiptoeing back and walking from the bathroom to the kitchen a little louder this time. He finished his call as soon as you entered the kitchen.

‘Hey,’ he beamed at you as if the previous conversation did not take place.

‘Morning,’ you forced a little smile. ‘Were you talking to someone?’

‘Just now? Yeah,’ you feigned curiosity and wrapped your arms around his waist to avoid raising suspicion with your weird behavior or the slight nervous tremor in your hands. ‘Actually, I wanted to take you out today. You can meet some of my friends.’

‘Today?’ He nodded and you blinked, trying to come up with an excuse and fast. ‘Where?’

‘You’ll see. It’s not exactly in the city, so don’t dress all fancy,’ his hand settled on the small of your back.

It was clear now that earlier he had been talking to someone about bringing you in. And having your trust, which, obviously, was his goal from the very beginning. You realized that you needed to slip out carefully.

‘Um, about that… My friend from uni just called. She woke me up, actually. Asked to meet up today, and I already said yes, so…’ You trailed off.

‘Can’t you reschedule? We really should go tonight, while everyone’s in the neighborhood.’

‘Oh,’ you chewed on your lip. ‘She’s going through a rough time, so I have to meet her today. Sorry,’ you added, acting guilty.

He frowned, deep in thought.

‘Can we go after?’ He suggested. ‘I can pick you up in the evening.’

Biting your tongue, you weighed your options carefully. You did not want to alert him as to your attempt to shake him off your tail.

‘Yeah. Sure,’ you forced a smile on your face. ‘I’ll text you when I head back home for a change of clothes, and then we can go.’

‘Perfect,’ he smiled again, before pecking your lips. ‘I’ll head out for a few hours then,’ you nodded, walking him to the door.

Before Baëkhyun opened it, he turned around, catching you by surprise, and kissed you properly. The way he rarely kissed you outside your sex marathons. Deeply, full of… some kind of emotion? You couldn’t really grasp it, but your mind blanked out for a few seconds and you responded. Whimpering into his demanding mouth as his arms hugged you tightly to his body, you felt so tiny and defenseless, almost needy for his protection. But that was a deceiving sentiment.

‘Stay safe, little birdie,’ he whispered into your lips. ‘I’ll be waiting for your message. Don’t make me wait too long.’

‘Okay,’ you promised, and he finally walked out.

Closing the door, you let out a shaky sigh.

You were fucked.

At first, you almost had a panic attack, breath growing shallow and erratic. Having no idea what to do or how to get yourself out of this, you grabbed your phone and dialed the only number you could think of in this situation.

‘Please, Baekhyun,’ you whispered. ‘I’m so scared-’

But he was unavailable again.

Almost sobbing at the automatic answer, you dropped the phone and looked around. There was no one to help you, so you had to save yourself now. Wiping the tears, you grabbed your backpack and started shoving the most important items in it. Your documents, phone, wallet. A change of clothes. A pepper spray you found on your roommate’s shelf, which, you supposed, would be useless against someone like Baëkhyun. But did you have any other option? You had no powers and you would definitely not stand a chance against him in combat. Baekhyun used to train you a little, but you couldn’t even touch him in sparring unless he let you.

It was apparent that your only option was to run. So you did.

You jumped into the first cab you could get and asked the driver to head to the railway station. Making a mistake of not looking at him, you got onto your phone to try and figure out where to go from there. You didn’t notice that the car wasn’t even going in the right direction – not until it was taking a sharp turn right, off the main road, and onto the vacant plot of land, shielded from the road by a line of trees.

‘Excuse me, where are we going?’ You asked, looking around in confusion, finally paying attention.

‘I think we should take the quicker means of transportation, don’t you, Y/N?’ You saw a pair of oddly colored eyes in the mirror, and then the driver turned to face you.

‘J- Jongin?’ You gasped. ‘What’s wrong with your-’

‘It’s Kāi, darling,’ he chuckled, reaching for your arm.

Operating on instinct, you dodged his hand and attempted to open the door. It was locked.

‘Tsk. I thought we’d do it the nice way. Hyung asked me, after all,’ he tutted. ‘But I don’t think you’re willing to work with me here,’ he gritted that last part, suddenly pouncing at you through the space between the driver’s and passenger’s seats.

You screamed and struggled, and then…

It was a blur.

Like movie scenes, your surroundings were changing around you rapidly, too fast for you to catch anything. It may have lasted a split second, but made you so dizzy that you shut your eyes to battle it. When you finally opened them again, your vision was still foggy – the entire surroundings spinning. Kāi let go of your arm, allowing you to stumble forward and barely get a hold of a vertical surface before releasing the contents of your stomach onto the ground.

‘I told you to be gentle with her. She’s not used to teleporting.’ Unmistakably, it was Baëkhyun’s voice.

‘I brought her here in one piece. See arms or legs missing? No? That’s about as gentle as I get.’ The taller one rolled his eyes.

Baëkhyun approached you, a frown on his face, and helped get your hair out of your face despite your weak protests.

‘Let’s get you inside,’ he said, holding you up by the shoulders when your insides were finally done doing flips.

‘Don’t touch me,’ you coughed, pressing your side into the wall to get away from the physical contact.

‘Y/N, please. Just do as you’re told if you don’t want to be hurt.’ You looked up at him, angry at yourself for being this dumb, but also upset because your trust was again broken.

And even though you kept telling yourself that you and Baëkhyun only had ‘a casual thing’ going on, it did hurt. It hurt like a motherfucker, because you were used by a person you... fell in love with. You didn’t understand much of their plan yet, but something told you that it was all meant to hurt another person you loved.

Your feelings had always clouded your judgment. And now you’d gotten yourself into a completely lose-lose situation.

‘Don’t look at me like that,’ Baëkhyun pursed his lips. ‘You shouldn’t have tried to run away.’

‘Right. Bad little birdie for thinking of self-preservation and for once seeing someone for what he is,’ you mocked frustratedly.

‘I’m truly wondering how you restrain yourself from slapping her.’ You heard Kāi muse from behind Baëkhyun. ‘Maybe you should head in, and I’ll teach her how to cooperate, hyung.’

‘Let’s go,’ the blonde one grabbed your wrist and nodded to his crude green-haired companion. ‘Lead the way.’

You had no choice but to allow him to drag you into the building. Only then you noticed that it was somewhere you’d been before – the base previously utilized by Baekhyun and the boys. Before they abandoned it, of course. It looked different and foreign now, the hallways long and dark as you were taken to the bigger room with a round table, where the others were waiting.

At that point you saw their faces, struck by the similarities all of them bore to the squad you used to know. Your head was spinning again.

‘H- how? Who are you?’ You managed, taking in the unfamiliar variations of familiar faces.

‘So, I take it he didn’t educate her on the clones?’ Chanyeol, or at least someone who looked like him, sneered.

‘What clones? I thought-’

You were interrupted by Baëkhyun, who cleared his throat and announced.

‘She’s here, let’s begin.’

‘Don’t act like we’re not the ones who had to wait while you played with your target,’ someone scoffed from the farther side of the table.

‘Shut up, Chën.’ The silvery-white head shot a glare in his direction, eyes going from grayish blue to a darker shade. ‘Suhø,’ he turned to the red-haired man.

‘Well, well,’ he got up from his chair. ‘If it isn’t the Y/N. To be honest, you should thank Baëkhyun for having so much patience – our first idea was to kidnap and torture you for intel.’

Your eyes flicked back to Baëkhyun’s profile, but he didn’t spare you a glance.

‘Oh, I see you’re still looking for comfort in a familiar face. That’s not part of the plan. Baëkhyun, step out.’

The strategist’s head turned at the leader’s words.

‘What?’

‘Get out of the room. I don’t need her to think she has someone to count on here.’

‘But-’

‘I told you we’re not going to kill her, only use her.’ You swallowed, realizing your heart was beating somewhere in your throat at this announcement.

‘Suhø,’ he pressed again.

‘You shouldn’t be so fond of your little toy, you know,’ Chën piped up, cracking his knuckles theatrically.

‘Just lay a finger on her,’ Baëkhyun growled in response, rays of red light escaping from his now tight fists.

‘Yah, we don’t have time for your bullshit,’ Suhø interrupted their bickering. ‘The sooner you get out, the sooner we’re done with her.’

Baëkhyun pursed his lips and gave him a curt nod. Not meeting your despairing eyes, he left you in the room. Alone. With these monsters.

‘Fucking finally,’ Kāi clapped excitedly. ‘Let’s get this show on the road!’

‘Sit her down in that chair,’ someone said and you were pushed down forcefully.

The men started rearranging the room, moving laptops and phones and other stuff closer to you.

‘Hold her down, Sehūn,’ the leader ordered, then gave a nod to Chën.

You barely managed to sit still as he approached, even your knees shaking with panic.

‘What do you want from me?!’ You blurted.

‘Nothing much. We simply need your voice,’ Suhø shrugged and looked at another one of his accomplices. ‘Whenever you’re ready, Xiümin.’

Swallowing hard, you took in his words. You were the bait. To lure out the EXOs, perhaps? Or simply… Baekhyun?

Your heart faltered.

No, no, no. This was a trap, you should’ve known all along. Nevertheless, you allowed them to fool you, giving these men the leverage they needed. You weren’t going to make a sound! Anything to keep the boys away from trouble. Your mind was made up.

‘I have the line. But you have to catch his attention quickly, he’ll hang up fast if you don’t.’

‘No problem,’ the leader affirmed.

Xiümin nodded and used the keyboard to type something into a weird interface. Then turned the speaker on.

A ring sounded, then another one. You prayed that no answer would come, but after the third ring, the call was taken. For a long second, there was silence.

‘If you hang up, Y/N is going to die,’ Suhø began.

You blinked, feeling the angry tears form again, as you pursed your lips to keep your pitiful sobs in.

‘Talk,’ the speaker responded in what you realized was Minseok’s voice.

‘We have her now. At your old base. Come by sunrise if you want her alive,’ Suhø was concise in his demands. Minseok was silent for a few moments.

‘Why should we believe you? Let her talk if she’s there.’

Everyone turned to you, and you kept chewing on your lip.

‘You heard him.’ The leader referred to you, but you shook your head.

A brutal hand landed a slap across your face and then grabbed you by the hair.

‘Use your voice,’ it was Chën.

You only looked down at the greyish floor, not even blinking when you tasted blood.

‘Y/N, if you are really there, please say something,’ you jolted at the voice.

It was him. It was Baekhyun.

Breathing accelerating and heart racing, you couldn’t help the tears anymore. Wanting to scream and beg for him to come back for you, you kept shaking your head and refusing to make a sound.

‘I guess she’s not willing to make it easy on herself. Chën,’ Suhø tilted his head slightly, and you felt hands on you.

Sehūn had you in a headlock now, and Chën grabbed onto your arm with a cruel chuckle, jerking it so violently that you could not contain a wild yell. They let go of you, and you wailed, grabbing onto your numb lifeless limb in horror. You had never broken any bones, so you had no idea if he dislocated it, or fractured it, or worse. The pain was so immense that you couldn’t even register your name being called from the speaker.

‘By sunrise,’ Suhø reminded before they finished the call.

At that very moment, the door flew open.

‘What the fuck?!’ You heard Baëkhyun roar.

Red sparks fell around you as Chën was blasted away from you by a red ball of light.

His eyes were completely black, with red sparks – like those you witnessed attacking your abuser just now – floating angrily in there.

‘Stop this circus!’ Suhø raised his voice as Chën got up, something resembling little bolts of lightning appearing and disappearing around his forearms. ‘Stand down, the both of you. She was being stubborn, and we had to extract a reaction quickly. Your little human will be fine,’ he huffed, as if this was a normal course of action.

‘I’m taking her now,’ Baëkhyun answered firmly, stepping towards you.

‘Not so fast. She is to stay here until they arrive. As leverage.’ Suhø cleared his throat when their strategist wanted to protest. ‘You can keep watch over her yourself, in your room, or we can throw her in the dungeon downstairs and the boys will.’

‘She’ll stay with me,’ he gritted, helping you up gently not to disturb your hurting arm and walking you out of the room.

As soon as the door behind you slammed shut, he gathered you into his arms to carry you to the next destination. You didn’t try to resist, legs too wobbly to walk anyways, so you just cradled your arm and sniffled, at first not even noticing the room he took you in was quite familiar, as Baekhyun used to stay in it.

Baekhyun.

You sobbed, replaying his voice in your mind. The way he said your name, and how he pushed for you to let him know if you were there, if you were in danger… The stinging in your chest reignited because now he was going to walk right into this ambush because of you. Beginning to cry even harder, you forgot about your damaged arm, and the hurt, and the person who sat you down on the bed and kneeled in front of you.

‘It shouldn’t have been like this, Y/N. They wouldn’t have hurt you-’ He began, touching your hand.

‘Stop it!’ You slapped him in the face angrily. ‘You played with my feelings all this time, and now you’re just using me to hurt people I care about. Do you expect me to believe that you meant no harm? I hate you, Baëkhyun!’

‘I’m sorry,’ he muttered before raising his voice too. ‘But you shouldn’t have been stubborn! Why didn’t you just speak up?’

‘You really don’t understand?’ You asked in awe of his question. ‘You would if you ever loved anyone.’

‘So,’ he looked down at your lap, nudging his cheek with his tongue. ‘Is it Baekhyun? It’s because you still… love him?’

‘Why does it matter? I’m sure you guys, whoever you are, didn’t invite them here to have tea. What are you planning to do with them anyway? Is it about the Red?’

His eyes shot up to yours.

‘You know about the Red Force? He’s seriously dumb – telling you about them and leaving the clone part out!’

‘Yeah, and you’re so smart. Fooled a clueless girl with your great strategizing, well-fucking-done!’ Your words had plenty of bite, and Baëkhyun reacted.

‘Damn right! The only thing I didn’t do well to keep you safe is leaving your stubborn ass in the room with my crew, and it’s still so much better than the initial plan the Red had for you! I’ve kept you alive this long, haven’t I?’ He snapped at you, and you scoffed.

‘The only thing you didn’t- My arm was nearly ripped off, and it hurts like a motherfucker!’

‘Oh, does it now?’ He mocked, and you noticed how his fingers pressed onto certain spots of your arm, easing the pain significantly. ‘Chën could’ve done so much worse to you, Y/N. But this time he just used his knowledge of pressure points responsible for acute pain. And some of his power to shock you through them.’

He removed his fingers and you felt the pain subside, becoming almost irrelevant and foggy.

‘What- So it’s fine? My arm is fine?’ You asked, rubbing it in shock.

‘You’re fine,’ he breathed out, looking away.

For a while, you just sat like that, in complete silence.

‘Baëkhyun,’ you called, voice hoarse from all the crying. ‘Are you- going to kill them?’

He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, thinking your question over.

‘I don’t know. The plan is to capture and hand them over to the Red. There’s no telling what they’ll do to them this time.’

‘Shit,’ you swore, hiding your face in your palms. ‘This is all my fault.’

‘It isn’t. We were on their tail for a while, you just became our bargaining chip.’

Huffing, you hit the mattress with an open palm in a fit of annoyance.

‘Had I not trusted you so stupidly, this wouldn’t have happened!’

‘Oh, birdie,’ he tilted his head to the side, as if talking to a capricious child. ‘The way we met… sparked my interest. And when it was discovered that you used to be… his girlfriend,’ he paused. ‘Suhø wasn’t kidding – the Red suggested that we torture you. But I came up with a different plan, because I-,’ he looked away as if he struggled to continue. ‘I didn’t want them to hurt you.’

The way he stuttered drew your attention. But you weren’t willing to let him in again. Not about to make the same mistake twice. Instead, you kept questioning him.

‘Did you find ways to contact them through me, too?’

Baëkhyun nodded, and you gave him an expectant look. He sighed and elaborated.

‘The strawberry necklace. You told me it was from someone important to you, so I assumed it was Baekhyun, especially since he likes the damn thing. Checked it out when you were asleep because I know what I would’ve done.’

You were still confused as to what he meant.

‘He was tracking you live, so we managed to hack into it and trace the line back to a burner phone. We could not access the location without establishing a direct connection, but we got the number.’

‘I just gave you this one,’ you chuckled bitterly, and his blue eyes dropped to your knees again. ‘And now we’re freaking doomed.’

He shook his head to this. ‘I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I promise I’ll keep you safe.’

‘You think that’s what I want?! When the person I love gets murdered or worse, all thanks to-’

‘Stop saying that!’ He raised his voice again, hitting the mattress with a fist, red sparks flying everywhere without hurting you. ‘Why do you love him all that much? Didn’t he leave you?’

‘He’s walking into a trap to save me. And he’s a strategist like you, he clearly knows the odds. Are you really asking me why?’

Baëkhyun stared at you, chest heaving, and nostrils flared. It seemed like he wanted to argue, tell you that you were wrong. But instead, he looked away. His voice sounded hollow when he spoke again, eyes a dim shade of blue.

‘Get some rest. Tomorrow’s gonna be a tough day.’

Lying in bed wide awake most of the night, you prayed for a miracle that would somehow save your EXO boys.

>> Chapter 4 [fin]

A/N: Meet X-EXO ✨ So... What do you think of Baёk at this point? Is he a bad guy or worse? Is Y/N going to make it? Just one chapter left, we’re almost there!! Let’s hope that EXO show up on time yes I'm evil

[kuriquinn]

Hey Kuri. I just need a little life advice. How did you find your call in Teaching? I'm kinda struggling right now trying to find what I want to do with my life. Im going back to college soon but the subject I'm studying isn't what I'm interested in. I've tried to love it but its been difficult. I often times feel like a disappointment to my family because my siblings are all doing great and I feel like a loser not getting there yet.

Strap in, there, Anon, this’ll be a long one…

If I’m being honest, my call isn’t teaching - it’s writing. Even now, though I have a Big Girl Job and everything, which pays my bills and keeps my fur babies in food and toys, I consider my writing to be my real job. Even if, at the moment, it’s just writing fanfiction.

The first piece of advice I would give you for anything in your future is to do something you love. That way it will never be a chore and you will stick with it longer than five minutes. 

Now, on the heel of that, the second piece of advice is: if you can’t pursue your passion, pursue something you don’t hate. And it might take you a while to figure out what that is. 

I graduated high school with pretty decent grades, went to a good college and did well there (Liberal Arts), and I applied to university hoping to major in Creative Writing and Minor in German Language. My outside logic was: it would help me get into a writing field like journalism or translation. Inwardly, I figured I was just taking university courses while I was busy writing my novel and that before graduating I would be published and famous and rich.

Yeah, eighteen-year-old me was a bit of a naive idiot. 

Cue life-experience:

My parents were kind of wary about the whole thing, they didn’t really believe I was doing a good thing, but it was my choice and they had to respect it. They knew what I didn’t, but would learn for myself. At the time I was also working in a bookstore, which while not my passion or anything, I actually enjoyed. Work never felt like work, and for minimum wage, that’s a good thing.

Flash forward to my first semester of university, in which I learned that a) my German skills were beyond what I could be taught at uni and I wouldn’t be able to take half of the courses I needed to fill my minor, so it was basically a waste of time to take and b) my Creative Writing classes basically centered around having a published author (and I use this term loosely to define a person who self-published one grungy, literary shock fiction and passed it off as literature) get up and talk about how to write. And not write actual good stories with decent plots and characters and such, but the gritty, sensory, detailed lyrical crap…and if you didn’t try to write exactly like that person, they flunked you.

So trying to follow my first passion didn’t exactly pan out. 

I ended up switching my degree completely, majoring in Classical Civilisation and minoring in History. I figured, I love history, and I love research, maybe a degree in this could help me get a job in museum studies or as a researcher or something. The next two years passed quite nicely…and though my part-time bookstore job fell through because of crappy managers, I started to tutor a lot more (and my brother was in his last years of high school at this point, and needed my help getting through his classes) and I realised that I was actually pretty good at breaking down information and explaining it in different ways. Plus, I already had a lot of experience with learning difficulties due to my brother.

So, one year before I graduated, I get the bright idea to become a teacher. I had enough credits to switch majors, but the problem was, my university only offered Early Childhood Education…and while I dearly love little kids, more than five or six of them below the age of ten would probably drive me insane. I figured teenagers would be more mature.

(*pause* *waits for riotous laughter from Those Who Know Better*)

Anyhow, I had to apply to a whole new university program just to get into a high school teaching program. And that was the most miserable two years of my life, because teacher education is the most useless piece of trash degree you can take. You know when you learn? When they stick you in a school as a student teacher. I didn’t learn one thing from my second university degree except that sometimes the only way to move on to the next stage of your life is to sit through the boring shit and get a stupid piece of paper saying you sat through the boring shit.

And THEN…

I didn’t even get a job for another two years. 

The thing people don’t tell you about university is that when you get out, there is almost no one hiring. The Baby Boomer generation is not retiring any time soon, the job market is flooded with so many newcomers that competition is fierce, and on top of that, your chances are reduces based on what field you go into. Science, Engineering, Computers, Medicine, Business and Law? Competition will be fierce, but you will definitely have a job at the end of your degree. Anything else? Unless you somehow become famous, every other job out there has a crappy percntage of hiring, and chances are you are going to have to get an average Joe job for a year or two before you actually get hired to do what you studied.

Me, I had one learning experience where I moved to England because there’s a huge demand for teachers (and learned why there’s a huge demand is because the school system there is complete shite), and then spent a year unemployed and basically acting as an unpaid domestic/caregiver because my mother was sick (I lived at home, though, so that’s why it worked out). I still tutored when I could, but I didn’t have as many clients as I had hoped for. Things were so bad at this point and I was so depressed I couldn’t even write…

I did finally get hired, but the way I did won’t make you feel better. I basically sent my resume to one of the schools where I did my field experience, telling them I was available for tutoring in the upcoming year. I got a call back (on my birthday) to see if I was interested in taking on an actual teaching job - they remembered me from my internship and remembered my brother (who once was a student there).

So I basically got the job because I knew someone.

And that’s the reality of it. You will not get a job (in certain fields, at least) unless you know someone. Networking and good interview skills are so important to getting hired these days, and your ability to be social (or fake being social) is key. 

Even now, I’m not exactly secure in my job. As a teacher in the private sector, I don’t even have a contract. I literally spend every August sitting by the phone biting my nails hoping that they’re going to call me back for the year.

But it’s a foot in the door. You always have to think about it that way.

Contrast this to my brother - he finished high school, took a trade (auto mechanics), and had a job within a year. He now makes and will continue to make more in a year than what I will in two. He had his forever job at 19; I didn’t find mine until I was 27.

Now, if you’re still with me and I didn’t bore you with my life’s story, here’s the take away:

1. Pursue your passion. If you can make a living from it, you’re one of the lucky few. Keep doing you, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Friends, family or loved ones, it doesn’t matter what they think.

2. If you can’t pursue your passion (full time, at least), do something that you don’t hate. Something that you are good at, a job where you can show up to and do your work happily and then go home at the end of the day and not stress about. Again, if anyone is telling you to do something you hate, DON’T. In five years, you’ll be burnt out, stressed and miserable. It is so not worth it. And if this is an Average Joe Job like working in a bookstore? Fine. Do that. It gives you more time to pursue your actual passions, and looks good on a resume.

3. Get a trade. Seriously, if you put off university for a year to get a trade, like real estate or mechanics or electrician or something, you not only give yourself the ability to be hired sooner, you can also support yourself throughout your academic career - and for those of you facing a future of student loans, this is so important!

4. If you pursue higher education, be prepared to change your mind A LOT before you graduate. You might find your are more interested or better at a certain subject that you thought, or a complete loss. There is nothing wrong with changing your major or minor until you find the right fit, just make sure you get all your General Education courses out of the way first so that you have that leeway.

5. After graduating, unless you’re in certain career fields, be prepared not to have a job right away. Get an Average Joe Job to keep you going, keep sending out CVs and going to interviews, and just hang in there - you will eventually get there, even if it takes you a little longer than your friends. And network! Make sure you keep in contact with people who might be able to help you in your career.

6. If you have the money and means, travel. Because chances are you won’t have the chance to do it once you join the rat-race.

7. MOST IMPORTANT: Do not let stress take over your life. You MUST find a way to balance your life while you worry about school/career stuff. Go out with your friends, travel when you can (even if it’s just a day trip to a museum!), write or paint or play music or build models or code or binge watch your tv show of choice, or whatever it is you do for fun - make sure you do it every day. Because your brain needs a way to unwind from the not so pleasant adulty stuff.

Anyhow, that’s the advice Twenty-Nine-Year-Old-Present-Me would give Nineteen-Year-Old-Me on the eve of starting university. I don’t know if she’d listen to all of it, but I wish someone had told me all that. Especially the parts about not getting a job right away. I thought I was a humongous failure because I couldn’t find work, when the reality was, I was just one of thousands of people seeking employment in an uncertain economic environment. 

So, on that note, I hope that you managed to find some comfort or guidance in these words. Remember, you are not a disappointment and everyone moves at their own pace. Maybe you’re having a slow year and your siblings aren’t. Maybe next year you’ll be the one who has exciting new opportunities and they are stuck in a rut. Our lives are very static and you never know what’s coming around the next bend. Just keep on keeping on.

And personally? If I was struggling to love my college program? I would take a very good look at whether it was really for me.

Thanks for the ask :)

[penelope-and-wonders]

Replies

@igglemouse replied to your photoset:

Ahhh my favorite mustache T_T

The Sisterhood of Eternal Mustache of Luke just got the honorary member ♥

@romeo-and-simulet replied to your photoset:

professor Broccoli?

Well, originally they were Professor Bracaloni, but I decided it would be funny if Ferns mispronounced it :D

@shaysugar replied to your photoset:

I like this little detail of them doing chores/gardening together while having a casual talk. Really bring the reality in

I’m so happy you like it!!! Thank you!! ♥ I mean I always worry it’s not exciting enough but I never know how to go without ‘cause life kinda consists of moments like that, and they kinda determinate characters?? And make them whole?? I dunno, I’d miss them if I didn’t have them in my story, that’s for sure!

@shaysugar replied to your post:

Where do I sign? I'm in XD Mustaches for the win

There’s no formal signing in procedure actually. You just need to stand in the center of the biggest town square that is near you and yell ‘OH DEAR LORD I LOVE ME SOME GREAT MUSTACHE’. After that you may consider yourself signed in! If you also get yourself a husband/wife that day, the Sisterhood will take the credit xD

@shaysugar replied to your post:

pretty sure a lot of that skill comes from your journalism skills :D And age too, cuz that's what I realized after reaching 30s. Age is wisdom

Well yeah, actually I agree with you. My studies gave me a lot. I know it’s kind of popular to say that Uni gives you nothing, well at least in Russia it’s quite popular, but I think Uni gives you as much as you want to take. As for the wisdom, yeah. Being 30 I’m totally different person from being 25. A went through a lot of changes during that period of my life, and I grew a lot. I actually love being 30. I didn’t love being 14 or 20, although I enjoyed those years. But now I know I love my age.

@shaysugar replied to your post:

^yes! And I didn't even know that until Luke was stached

That clearly was Providence that told me to stache him! :D

@tinwhistletoo replied to your photoset:

Just chillin' with her dad!:)

With her dad and his mustache, hehe! I’m sorry. I had to do this... xD

@tinwhistletoo replied to your post:

Support groups?? I haven't gotten the memo! I need one of those support groups!!

Why would you need a support group? It’s me who needs a support group considering what you do with me with your stories! T_T We need something like Anonymous Tinwhistletoo Readers. Hello, my name is Daria, and I follow Jana on Tumblr.

@tinwhistletoo replied to your photoset:

I love Ocean!!:)

And I love you ♥

@tinwhistletoo replied to your photoset:

Oh! Oops! Misread it - it's Ronk!!!

Why are you laughing at ‘Ronk’? It’s very masculine to my ears! Do you Swiss people call something of interest ‘a ronk’? Genitals maybe? Do tell me the truth please :p

@neopixiesims replied to your photoset:

Didn't know Luke likes soaps

He doesn’t! He’s just spending time with his daughter who likes soaps. He doesn’t even realize she’s watching a show, hehe!

@neopixiesims replied to your post:

WHO THE EFF WAS SENDING YOU HATE?!

LOL, Nicks, that was anon hate, how do I know who did it? If I did, it would ruin the anonymity of the thing xD It would ruin the whole  concept xD Oh! I Know! I found the way to ruin anon hate now!!!

@neopixiesims replied to your post:

1big 1 small... that's what she said

Err... I don’t get it?? It’s like there are two penises around, one big and one small? xD

@neopixiesims replied to your post:

Soooo you do like staches....

Danny mustache too. Don't forget Dan the stache man

I do love Luke’s stache. I do love you despite us being apart, and over, and all this shit. I do not like Danny’s stache. Whatever you say, whatever Jules says, Danny was and always will be a soulless commercial slut to me. Nothing will change that. Nothing. Even the plushie. Even the drama man. Although... drama man may be able to change it ‘cause he’s all-powerful!

@oakglow replied to your post:

Yes! Fayce! I knew it would stick ����(fern and jayce emojis)

Yeah! Originally, we had two option, ‘Fayce’ and ‘Jern’, but everybody liked ‘Fayce’ more. I liked ‘Jern’ better though ‘cause I associated it with ‘gems’, but Fayce won so I fell in love with it ‘cause I always fall in love with the option I have ‘cause this is the way of enjoying life and not being sad about it being all wrong LMAO

@simsomedia replied to your post:

Dude no one sends sunshine hate. If you do I will beat you. Just no, not my sunshine.

You know what? I thought about it and realized that maybe it wasn’t that bad?? I mean, I’m thirty, I’m quite mature to know this hate won’t affect me if I don’t let it affect me, but at the same time this person who sends this hate has to feel some relief from all the hate they feel so I kinda help them feel better?? Although I have to admit, that’s awful and really sad when you need to send someone hate to feel better :(

@furiouslydecaffinated replied to your photoset:

I loooooove them!

And I love Emilia and Yulian T_T Please, don’t hurt my babies T_T

@neutralsupply replied to your photoset:

Yas Nutella the Argyles know what's up

I was one of those who “don’t love” Nutella... Then I got myself a jar and stopped to lie to myself...

@neutralsupply replied to your post:

You have a thing for a lot of things Daria

YES! This state of mind’s called ‘joie de vivre’! :p

@neutralsupply replied to your post:

3 small posts means I can like them THREE TIMES AS MUCH!! Yeeeeeey MORE LOVE FOR DARIA!! ❤️❤️

That is because Zina is generous and gives Daria a lot of love, but there are stingy people that rather give one love instead of three loves. Three loves! Can you imagine?? You give three loves away, and it feels like you are out of love now!

@simwithsparkles replied to your photoset:

I think he will definitely charm her!!

I dunno, he still has this bad boy look... Plus, he hasn't had a lot of experience with moms that are not drunk or high... Meaning I haven't actually decided on Ocean’s attitude toward Jayce yet LOL

@simwithsparkles replied to your post:

You are magical to me!! ❤

This is great 'cause you 100% magical to me!!! ♥

@buckleysimss replied to your post:

I adore your replies. You're always so thoughtful and sincere in what you say. ♥

OMG, thank you so much for saying this! I never knew what to say to people who didn’t know me from when I was like five. I mean what do you say to people that are nice to you, and you care for them but there are no years and years of common memories and togetherness between you? And then one day I realized that for some reason people are okay with me just expressing myself, you know? They also seem to be interested in weird stuff I’m saying like for example why do you think all aliens are bald and not furry, I mean Alf was furry? I mean sometimes they look at me like I’m a bit crazy but that’s not a bad look, that’s like, oh how sweet this crazy person is xD

@buckleysims replied to your post:

I would join! I am always hungry, and I really like muffins. And mustaches. ;)

You know what? I just realized how one can promote mustache as a new world trend! You just need to make a co-promotion for mustaches and muffins! It would be a fun bundle to sell to audience!

@simmingswimmingly replied to your photoset:

Best mom award goes to Ocean

Or maybe she’s so good, and calm, and kind because she hasn’t actually met Jayce yet? Who knows what’s coming for them? Not me, that’s for sure xD

@cowardlypixels replied to your post:

i got fun parent!

Congrats! That’s a good one! May a be your kid? ‘Cause I’m not sure if I want to be my own kid LOL

@authenticdragontears replied to your post:

Lmao I got relaxed parent!

LOL This one is interesting! I wonder if it’s even possible to be a relaxed parent? I can’t even imagine it but hey, I am a strict one after all xD

@authenticdragontears replied to your photoset:

That is absolutely gorgeous, awe-inspiring! Can I live there??

In which capacity, my dear? It’s Fern’s house after all xD

@simlishanddreams replied to your post:

You're so mean! LOL just wait till your toddler decides to chomp down on a sibling.

Hey, lady! I’m not mean, I’m strict, there’s a difference! LMAO

@simcataris replied to your post:

COF don't we all have a thing for daddies?? COF

Surprisingly not, not all of us! But I’m glad we are on the same page here :D

@eslanes replied to your post:

Oh god yes! I think giving a stache had the opposite effect!

I’m afraid some heretics still aren’t on our side... But I assure you, it’s the question of time, they will find the right way, the way towards Luke’s Stache... :D

@eslanes replied to your post:

Um I disagree, your stories are the best!

Thank you so much, sweetie!! I really really like your story too!! ♥ ♥ ♥

@eslanes replied to your photoset:

I completely approve of the misbehaving

But of course you do, my little rebel :p

@tabbyrh replied to your post:

Honestly I'm such a big fan of your writing that I'll read however you post. Sorry I know that's not helpful but it's true!

OMG, thank you so much, Tabby! Your words make me so happy!!! I mean it means a lot to hear a compliment from such an experience writer as you!!! Thank you, sweetie!

@mdianasanders replied to your post:

Short/small. I tend to skip long posts and think I'll read them later, but in practice I never do (I would make an exception for you though)

I’m blushing like crazy now!!! Thank you for doing an exception for me ♥ Being an exception is one of the most pleasant thing in life, hehe ♥

@josiesimblr replied to your post:

I think you're such a compelling writer, either choice would make your readers happy! But I prefer one long big post, I feel it keeps the flow smoother and is more coherent than small posts where you kinda have to backtrack to catch up. But I do like to see my fave Simblrs post frequently, so there's that lol.

You called me a compelling writer, I’m cryinggggg T_T What? Why? How? No one ever called me a completing writer! It feels like it’s the best complement ever!!! Thank you so much!!! And I agree with you, that is exactly why I find long post more comfortable?? suitable?? for storytelling.

[jforbesmysterybox]

Mystery Box

Week 1 - 11.03.18

On returning from independent study week, we started the second part of BA1b. On our time off we were asked to design character model sheets, and had to decide whether we wanted to pursue CG or stop motion.

It was a great start to the week, having workshop in maquette making using our character design sheets as a reference. I had missed the first model workshop from the previous term, so the hands on experience was a great opportunity. I really enjoyed bringing my character to life and get a feel for how they looked from all angles. I found the Super Sculpey a very pleasant, pliable material to use, there was no need to warm it up first in your hands or keep a damp clothe near by to moisten it. I was surprised how long it took to get the basic skeleton made.

Although the design is quite basic (as I’m not sure how quickly I will pick up Maya), I’m pleased with how it looks, with more practice I’m sure I can add more embellishment and details with future models.

We also had a very insightful lecture on storyboarding by a previous NUA student, Helen Schroder (it was exciting to hear she had just finished working on the storyboards for the remake of Watershed Down, a film I had grown up with). I’ve never looked that much into storyboarding before, I was amazed at how much work goes into this stage of development and how important the role is in animation and film.

Week 2 - 18.03.18

Expanding our knowledge in Maya, this week was looking at the basics of 3D modelling using imported reference images as guides. This session seemed to flow more easily than the last, as the workspace was feeling more familiar and I started using more of the shortcuts. I started my modelling a sword and then moved on to modelling a basic human figure, using the tools I had already been introduced to as well as the addition of the extrude and quad tool. It was all about experimentation so the pressure was taken off and I was free to make mistakes and learn from them, so the outcomes weren’t perfect but they were useful workshops help to develop my skills and increase my understanding of Maya. Only just scrapping the surface of what this program is capable of, still have a long way to go but in only a couple of weeks I have definitely improved from my first attempt.

We also had a fantastic lecture on ‘Model Making for Animation,’ with John Lee. I was a little start struck as he’s been in the industry for about 30 years and has worked on some major features like Aliens, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Moon, Harry Potter, John Lewis  advert and most recently Isles of Dogs - just to name a few. He really has lead the most amazing life, and after all this time is so passionate about his job.

On Tuesday we were given our new research project brief, Media Industries: Roles and Practices. This section is to help gain further insight into the possible career paths in the future, and how I can use the skills I learnt from uni to get a job in this field. The session started by going over the four main animation disciplines and

Week 3 - 25.03.18

On Monday I had an introduction to After Effects. As I have done some previous work in this Adobe software it was almost a slight relief/break from the mind-boggling world of Maya. I was supplied with images and was talked through how to import/edit layered images from Photoshop, the basics of how to move objects on the timeline to create a sequence and how to use green screen to help remove unwanted background and insert preferred imagery.

Moving on from how to model characters in Maya, this weeks workshop was how to assign a material to a model using UV mapping and texturing, as well as a brief introduction on how to rig a character. The initial task,I was wrapping an image around a basic rectangle shape (cereal box) I found to be a lot easier, the second task where I was adding colour to a pre-made bird was a little more tricky. This time, the areas of the bird that I wanted to add colour to were selected, and I had to create a cut down the centre as so it could open up and lie flat making it easier to work with and paint in Photoshop. Confusing at times, but when I managed to get my head around it all it made sense and was very effective method.

We had a visit from guest speaker and another previous NUA student, Millie Woodcock. Based in Norwich she works as an Animation Director at Lambda. She spoke about her experiences after  leaving uni, how she got to the position she is in today and gave positive advice about how to present yourself and your work to gain successful employment later on.

Also this week, the class were presenting our practice presentations. I don’t know many people who enjoy giving presentations so nerves were running high with apprehension. We were put into our individual groups, and I found my group a little difficult to work in. Having never spoken to each other before this project, there was a lot of shyness resulting in lack of communication. No one really wanted to take the ‘leader’ role and therefore the presentation wasn’t as well researched and put together as well as it should have been. Still feeling very new to the class and having missed half of the year, I didn’t feel I had the confidence to take charge just yet. However this was a good experience, as in the future as I’m sure there will be many times I will have to work with new people/teams so its essential I learn how to work with others in this time now.

Week 4 - 01.04.18

Back from the Easter Break, this was a time to give the project a real push and try to get as much done - though I don’t feel I have achieved as much as I would have liked. Still trying to catch up with previous projects I’ve missed, working weekends and deciding to change the design of my character, time seemed to just fly by.

On re-designing my character, I failed to refer to the pre-made rig that were supplied to us to save time and effort with this project. Therefore, my new model doesn’t match up to the skeleton and I’ve had to create a new rig for my character. Using tutorials I found on the internet on rigging all was going well until I came to the legs. I really wanted my robot to be light and springy on his feet and decided to give him blades in place of the lower legs and and feet. This proved difficult to get them to move correctly, and I sought advice from Jon. Ending with a headache, he showed me how to use a ‘Bind Skin’ tool - something we haven’t covered yet in the lessons, but it seemed to do the trick. Jon went through the process quite quickly, and at first I didn’t quite grasp what he was doing. However, when I got home so I could fully understand how he made my legs work, I made a copy of my file and began to dissect the process with with an accomplished result. It felt really good to solve the issue - even though I wouldn’t have had the issue if I’d stuck to the supplied rig.

All in all I am very pleased with my model result, and my designs could be relayed into 3D form successfully. I’m glad I changed the design of my Robot as I think it is a stronger result and I have learnt more in the process.

During the easter break, I was to continue my research for our group project. As a group we decided to focus our area in the pre-production stages on animation. My particular area of focus was on character design. I chose this area as I really enjoy work that has a back story, I feel more passionately when I can understand the driving force behind a design. Character design is also an area that is very versatile and can be seen across almost all forms of media - without a character there is no story. I looked into a few artists who’s styles were of interest to me and were relevant to the project.

Week 5 - 08.04.18 Week 6 - 15.04.18 Week 7 - 22.04.18 Week 8 - 29.04.18

[sanguinesprout]

The sky is a beautiful blue today~ (Some updates, nicer things, random snippets of memories and why I write about weather so much lol)

I was thinking maybe I should write about something lighter, like the things I did recently, in particular the good things, my small triumphs and such c: 

I’ve spent a lot more time out with my sister (and sometimes her bf and my mum) recently, especially in the case of going shopping~! I bought quite a lot of nice tops with interesting and motivating text based designs on them (maybe I’ll photograph them sometime), and some of them were on sale too yay! :3 Usually I try and avoid going out too many times in a row or when I don’t feel mentally prepared beforehand but I went and it was alright! Though some of the times I had no choice as I had a doctors appointment, but instead of just going home I went to the shops or the supermarket afterwards and had a nice long browse around~ 

I used to remember a long long time ago when I was younger I really did not enjoy shopping and would always constantly be asking when we could go home lol but now it’s pretty fun (apart from the fact I’m actually really poor). Also a long time ago I would trail around after my sis or whoever, but now I go off on my own and look at whatever I feel but sometimes my sis trails after me instead lol and likes to moan about me looking at things too slowly quite a lot. It makes me anxious but I told her about it so she does it less or I’ll tell her to go look at something else, cause I like taking my sweet time yo >3< I don’t mean like I only started doing this recently haha, but it did take quite a few years before I felt confident enough to go around on my own and actually enjoy it. I would go shopping completely on my own and take public transport after college and uni sometimes and such, I feel I’ve kind of taken a step back since then but I’m not back at square one at least I guess, it’s something!

I still feel awkward and anxious when people are blocking the way of an aisle or when they’re looking at the same rack of stuff, but I’m gonna try and push these feelings aside, be more assertive and so and so. There were also times where certain unusual situations were kind of traumatic for me and maybe I’ll write or draw about them sometime, but they’re not important and I shouldn’t keep thinking back on them and feeling hurt. I still sometimes get that ‘lost kid that has to look down every aisle and worries everyone already paid and left’ feeling after wandering around when I go to the supermarket with my parents lol, because they are all about being quick so they can go home and get ready for work and stuff, but having a phone now unlike when I was a kid and didn’t have one makes everything suck much less hah take that!

Anyways, back to the present! The weather has been pretty flip floppy lately, on some few random days the weather was real hot and some super rainy and cold and some calm and neutral, like today. I really love when it spontaneously rains so hard and immediately after the sky is such a wonderful clear blue, I feel it’s analogous to when you have are suddenly overcome with negative emotions and once they pass you feel at ease and can think with clarity again aka. the calm after the storm. I really like the weather and making weird metaphors about it as you could probably tell already lolol. The weather is just something that’s always there, something that affects mood but is also so moody itself, something everyone experiences and uses for small talk and something so mundane but also wonderful and unpredictable (unless you look at the forecast everyday, I mean it’s real easy to check on the phone widget but I don’t haha, as much as I talk about it I don’t worship the weather channel or anything lol) ^^ 

Oh also in relation to this, when I said I was going to write this blog a bit more like a diary, it made me think of a time when I was little and my mum bought me a diary book. It was a simple Winnie the Pooh diary with a gold lock and guess what I wrote in it hahahaha I wrote in huge writing on each page a 3-4 word sentence of how the weather was that day LOL It was super wasteful and my sis and mum were like what even?! XD I’ve had lots of diaries since then and lots of attempts at writing about actual things but I’ve never been able to keep it up past a few days. I just hope this blog doesn’t die out like my past diaries or become a brief weather description collection either hahaha. Today’s post title is kinda like a tribute or slightly more advanced version of my kiddie diary x3

Okay enough about that lol! One of the days recently I went to the park~! I did say I wanted to go and my sister suggested it. It was some time in the afternoon on a weekday so it wasn’t to busy. It was pleasant and refreshing to go walkies sine I hadn’t gone there for a while, even though I really really hate all kinds of bugs (and things that have bugs in them, like trees) and shriek and flail at their presence lol. I saw some pretty flowers, sat on the see saw with my sis briefly (which I was nervous about cuz there were kids around and well I’m not a kid anymore *sob* but I will always be a kid at heart and so will my sis, so I did it anyways! Yolo, gotta sit my but on all the things next time XD). I also saw the duckies! Or well I think they were actually geese but they were so pretty and derpy and their little floofy babies omg! ;w; Soooo cute!! I definitely want to go see them again sometime :D I’ve come to kind of dislike zoos (and aquariums too) because I feel so bad seeing some of them so distressed looking and it feels unfair that they have to live in such a contained and artificial space without choice, but when there’s wildlife living free like the duckies in the lake, it’s just such a pleasant thing to witness.

Oh also some good today was I cooked my own breakfast...kinda... It was just a fried egg with tuna in it pretty much and there was rice too (made in a rice cooker not by me lol) but I cooked the egg part! It takes so much convincing for me to be able to do just this. My mum and dad don’t like me hanging around the kitchen because ‘you’re too slow’ and ‘you’ll make a mess’ etc. I know they keep babying me and want things to go smoothly their way... but it needs to change! I don’t want to be dependant forever :c I was persistent this time and I’m glad! :D And I also suggested that maybe everyday I could maybe learn something new from them, whether it be just some small technique or a recipe or whatever. I am lacking in well... life skills because I was never taught or allowed to do certain things, like cooking for example. I can make something easy like instant ramen or pasta, but they usually handle all meals and don’t let me experiment or cook for reals. The only thing they really trust me with is making tea and sandwiches and the only time I cooked something from a recipe was cooking class at school a long time ago lol. Sometimes I help my sister bake stuff, but they get annoyed at her too for being in the way and stuff, but she isn’t a weak spirited person like me so she just carries on haha.

I can watch video tutorials all I want but it’ll never be useful without actual execution and practice, you know! >< My dad is a chef and is particularly prideful of his cooking, and also quick to insult and get annoyed for small mistakes, so it’s gonna be tough but I’m gonna try anyways! Lately I’ve been trying harder to just chat and bond with my dad more, we watch drama/animation series together at supper which is nice~! (Even though he feigns reluctance to watch and that he’s interested sometimes lol). Conversation is particularly hard because of the language barrier, but if I make the conversation about learning language like I did the other day and maybe now even about learning cooking stuff, then maybe things will go at a much better pace :D 

I also drew some things I was kind of happy about lately, and didn’t give up on trying to interact online even though I really wanted to! I need to get my stuff organised and start posting stuff! I feel like the longer I leave it, the less it’s making me wanna do it, stop it perfection, you’re unnecessary! x^x I really hate having an empty account, it makes me feel like a creep (like on youtube it’s okay but on other places it’s unusual, right?) ;^; Something I keep forgetting is that there is no rules and no obligations for me (or anyone else) to do anything or feel anything. There’s no right or wrong, silly self! I need to stop worrying so much and just go for it! Yolo the hell out of everything (maybe that’s not quite the right phrase lol) and just stop falling into the paralysis by analysis trap! X3 Imma try harder! ò^ó

Uh uhhh before I end this, I have some update-y stuff on my therapy situation... I have my first appointment tomorrow! I’m so nervous!! xAx The funny thing though (or well, not really), is that when my doctor was giving me options on who to see, I could either go for the general therapist who works in the same facility or to go for the referral service for a more specific recommendation. I opted for the second in hope that I could see someone with a specialism in idk... AVPD or personality disorders (if there is a such thing), but it seems I’ve ended up going full circle and ending up getting recommended to the general therapist back here >< I mean, at least it’s convenient and better than nothing I suppose... Anyways, I don’t know how it’ll go so I shouldn’t make any assumptions or have any wild expectations. I can do this! It’ll be okay! I’m glad I got a female therapist, because I get even more nervous around guys and the one I had in the past was ahhh idk... maybe I’ll write about it with whatever I write about after the app tomorrow. I just hope it goes well! 

Don’t give up! You can do it! Have a nice day~! :3