#i never realized you could think that because of that url wow

[thebandghostofficial]

[MESSAGE FROM THE CLERGY]

An important (and overwinded) announcement regarding this blog below the cut.

Hello everyone! This is Rawkin Ghoul/ Tumblr Ghoul/ Tumblrina/ Soda/ etc etc.

First thing’s first: no, this blog is not an official Ghost social media account.

I started this blog in late 2022 when ghost-official started blowing up (I do not believe this one to be real either, and honestly I won’t believe they have a Tumblr until it is linked on their official website) and thought, “wow, I could make a better Ghost blog than that. One that’s way better organized and actually advertises properly for them, and posts regularly!” So I did.

Originally it was meant as just that, a little joke between some friends, and wasn’t meant to really get farther than that. But then I thought, Ghost does have a lot of fans on Tumblr- a lot of exquisitely talented and devoted fans. Maybe I can kinda “roleplay” it for a while, build almost a bit of a portfolio, and then either offer the blog to management or offer to run it for them officially, for fun, if they were interested.

More time passes and more people followed. I thought “xofficial” as a username was a common enough joke/ gimmick that people would realize it wasn’t for real (and in fact, when I first searched the URL, I found that this username was once in use years ago! Sorry, previous owner), especially after posting that April Fools joke post- this was wrong of me to assume. There are a lot of roleplay/ joke “official” Ghost accounts all over the web but I failed to really properly disclaim that I was one of them.

I of course don’t plan to reach out to Ghost anymore and haven’t for some time, for multiple reasons including Tumblr just not being a good website for advertising. But another one is I got pretty loose on here. Tumblr is so different from Twitter and Insta and all that- you guys (and myself! I go here too) don’t want to have someone sell something to you- but you do love interaction and jokes and solving things together.

I think we can all admit it- when Ghost is dormant, the fans can get bored and even agitated, and can start to have a go at eachother. I’m certainly not guiltless there either. I wouldn’t say I’m notorious or even particularly well known in general but I’ve gotten into drama here and there. I figured the blog would be a fun way not just to distract the community, but really engage with it. The blog passed 5k a month or so ago and I started thinking, we could do something really cool with it. Smaller events like fanart contests and zines. But what if we did more? Organizing pre-ritual meetups. Larger community projects like fan-made music videos. ARG. Maybe even a short video game- there are so many incredibly skilled and hard-working Ghost fans and I wanted to try to bring them together because I think our love for Ghost, for whatever reason we love them, screams so loud and everyone deserves recognition (also a reason I started Fanart Friday as a regular thing).

You guys know I do my best to keep up with your tagging and what you’re saying and everything and I’ve seen the people pointing out the blog isn’t real from the beginning- I didn’t want to address it directly at first because I thought if nothing else people enjoyed the mystery.

But, more lately there’s been more and more people who are agitated, disappointed, and even a little scared to hear that this blog is not official.

I want to offer my very sincere apologies to people who I made feel that way. I should have made it obvious sooner- I know so well that there are a lot of very young Ghost fans especially who wouldn’t necessarily surmise that this isn’t real. I’m really sorry to those of you I disappointed.

I will never ask you for money here, or any personal information, or send asks anonymous or otherwise from here or my main personal blog as “Tumblr Ghoul”. I have had one person ask to message me so I messaged them to allow them to do that. If somebody contacts you claiming to be the person running this blog, they are lying. Please block them. My interactions here I aim to keep as public as possible, hence being increasingly liberal with replies and reblogs as the number of people interacting grew.

My only goal with this blog is to advertise for a band that I love and to entertain/ help the fandom when and where I can. I love and appreciate all the fanart and interest in the character of Tumblr Ghoul but I don’t want anybody to feel obligated to me and I especially don’t want to hurt anybody. I started this blog for fun and that how I want it to remain- fun for everyone.

People pointed out when I didn’t post for some time a few months back and it was because I had lost interest in the blog and was going through a rough time- and then one particularly bad day I got on to check it by chance and just seeing your guy’s tags and comments made me feel so much better. I tell people that I found Ghost when I really needed a friend and they fulfilled that for me, but the past few months you guys have done just the same for me. I am so sorry to have betrayed that and made you feel unsafe and lied to in return.

As of posting I do intend to still run the blog as I have been (with a disclaimer added to the bio regarding the legitimacy of this account)- posting about tours, chapters, merch, etc, as well as Fanart Friday. I 100% understand if anybody doesn’t want to be involved in that, so anybody who has tagged me in something and don’t want it on the blog now, I can open messages and you can let me know. I will probably close them again after a week or so if I get a large flood of unrelated messages.

Please do not message me asking me who I am, who knows about the blog, etc. Gaining popularity was never something I wanted from this so I will stay anonymous, for the time being at the very least. A very small number of people know who is behind the blog and to my knowledge only one of them is even on Tumblr and in the fandom.

Thank you for all the support you’ve shown me, Ghost, and eachother. It can be easy to see the bad parts of a community and roll your eyes electing to keep your distance, but since starting this blog I’ve been reminded what good community is even when it’s frustrating sometimes.

Thank you for reading, I won’t hold it against anybody who wants to separate themselves from this blog at this point, and please don’t let my oversight and general dummyness sour your experience with Ghost or its other fans. Enjoy the rest of this tour and whether it’s with or without me, please keep rawking 🤘 Be good to eachother.

Thank you.

[valdiis]

📇 — does your url have a meaning? if so, what is it?

This is a bit of a story, so bear with me. Back when I was playing WoW, somewhere around the middle of Wrath of the Lich King - when the Argent Tournament thingy dropped - I was in a "casual" raiding guild, raiding three times a week for three to four hours a day. The day that Tournament dropped, we stopped Ulduar farming to go to the Argent thing and - blind - dropped in expecting to progress. Unsurprisingly, we didn't.

But oh. Oh, the raid drama. The screaming. The cursing. The blame. I was so sick of it. I needed a break. I'd heard that there were servers people actually role-played on and I had fond memories of chatroom RP from the late 90s. I used to write, you see, but my muse died somewhere along the way and I hadn't written anything in years. So I decided I'd go find one of these RP servers and see what it was like.

I rolled a human female warlock.

On Moon Guard.

It took about twelve seconds for me to realize my mistake. I nuked her and rerolled a human male priest - an old-looking one, at that. I played Father Kostadin off and on for a month or two, when I was bouncing around the Moon Guard wiki and found an interesting looking guild called "Knights of Menethil." They purported to be the only all-death-knight guild in WoW. I liked death knights. They'd just lifted the restrictions on making them, so I could roll one without having an established character already, so...

I rolled a draenei female death knight.

She needed a name and I - planning on only dropping in with her occasionally as a break from the raid drama - didn't think very hard about it. I found a list of gods and goddesses. I selected the name of an Icelandic goddess of death because the cliche of it amused me, and added another vowel to make it "more draenei."

It turns out my muse was dead. And in service to the Lich King.

Not long after I started playing Valdiis, the raid group imploded from the drama. I happily skipped town to Moon Guard full time, writing my grumpy undead space goat. Eventually, I rose through the military-style ranks of the guild until I was the junior officer of the triumvirate that lead the guild. I met my husband through that guild. The third officer would've been officiant at our wedding had he been able to attend.

Until I'd created Valdiis, I went by either Rosoe (an even earlier RP character) or SeraphBriar, a standard internet handle that still haunts me in my etsy login. But after many years of writing her, Valdiis became something of a mascot to me. Although I've long ago left WoW behind (at the end of Legion), she is still my first child. Or at least, my first since becoming an adult.

This tumblr originally had a name relating to the RP character it was created for, but as I evolved away from him, I decided this tumblr needed to be something of a catch-all, removed slightly from strict IC rules. Valdiis - as a character - was retired, but I'd been known as Val(diis) for years by that point, so I changed this tumblr's name to hers.

For the most part, my internet presence is consolidated under that name now. But I'll never let myself live down the fact that it was originally a meme on death.

[velvetvexations]

Objectively incorrect!

This is Schrodinger, from Hellsing.

Now I've been bewitched by that charming devil for over a decade now, and nothing about him can even vaguely be connected to transfeminity unless you think "kinna twinky boy?" is a transfem thing, which, wow, very transmisogynistic of you.

But could he be an anomaly? Let's try and see if there are more examples.

Convenient!

Not getting a very transfem vibe from this guy.

Oh, is this one wearing some kinna corset?

Oh, no. Just a weird anime jacket thing.

Seems solidly like a boy to me.

A flamboyant and camp boy to be sure, but I'm again going to have to ask if that's your definition of transfem.

my boi should be number one CBR you bunch of hacks

Definitely, unambiguously a man, although CBR notes he does not posses cat features in human form. While you assert that "catboy" is distinct from "boy with animal features," it seems that what people consider a "catboy" actually varies quite a lot, as "with animal features" need not even be part of it!

wearing women’s clothes (often specifically a choker, thigh highs, and a skirt)

Pretty guy-lookin. I guess he's wearing a choker. That's transfemininity, right? Wearing chokers?

"Comedic effect" or not, the HxH fandom has rolled with it and made a ton of fanart of him catboy'd up, and in none of them is he even wearing the Choker of Transfemininity.

Well, I've never seen Fruits Baskets, but it seems like they've hit us with another boy that doesn't have cat features.

Oh, wait.

Yeah, definitely a catboy!

In conclusion, Catgirl-Foreskin your lack of knowledge about otaku culture is galling and I think the most appropriative thing here is your URL because you've clearly glommed onto the idea of "catgirl" without actually knowing anything about the actual culture the catgirl developed in.

Actually, hey, wait a minute.

Something I just realized. Like I literally went this entire post just accepting the premise that the idea of a catgirl originated with transfems, but...

That's obviously incorrect?????

Oh my God. Okay.

I'm sorry Catgirl-Foreskin, it's really rare I get this far into dissecting someone's post for how dumb it is before I realize the foundational logic is completely broken on every possible level. Cute moe catgirls were a thing in anime way before traps. They were always a thing completely separate from whatever 4chan was doing. Holy shit, this is so uncomprehending of basic pop cultural history.

Please learn anything at all about anime before you call yourself a catgirl you extremely, shamefully ignorant person. Like literally, I'm taking your catgirl license away, you have to change your URL to Doggirl-Foreskin within 24 hours. In a month I'll give you a written test to see if you can earn it back.

no, but seriously, you should actually feel humiliated by this

I will say though the catgirl/catboy one is a poor example compared to the other examples you listed. Kemonomimi and like generally the idea of a person with animalistic features have existed for ages and have never really been a gender-exclusive thing? Unless there's something you meant that I'm just not getting? Fwiw I agree with you I'm just confused by that one.

Much like how “guy who is feminine” is distinct from “trap/femboy/sissy” which are a specific transmisogynist archetype, “catboy” is distinct from “guy with animal features.” The “catboy” is an iteration of the previously mentioned transmisogynist caricatures. It is not just “guy with animal features,” it is “‘trap’ with animal features.” It is always young, skinny, feminine, white, wearing women’s clothes (often specifically a choker, thigh highs, and a skirt).

When people started drawing popular streamer Jerma as a “catboy,” it was not drawings of Jerma with cat ears, it was Jerma as a “trap” with cat ears, and when he dressed as one on stream, it was in a woman’s shirt, choker, and skirt. Those aren’t things associated with animals they’re clearly invoking something else, and in both instances the goal is the hypersexualization, degredation, and caricaturization that comes with transfemininity.

[floweroflaurelin]

I'm sorry if this is rude, and you totally don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but i'm curious - why in the world are you using the name "flower of Laurelin" for a as far as i can tell 100% mcyt art blog? Like, no judgement or anything, but it just genuinely throws me for a loop every single time lmao

Hahahaha!

So I made this blog back in 2018? I think? And I had every intention of making it a Silmarillion blog. I made a lot of Silm art just for me while I was a teenager and I actually still make Silm art for school projects! I called myself Flower of Laurelin because Arien, the Maia who carries the sun, is my favourite character in the whole Tolkienverse. (She has one whole paragraph talking about her.)

Also in 2018, both The Dragon Prince and She Ra and the Princesses of Power started airing on Netflix and took over my whole brain and I instead started painting fanart for those two shows and posting it here, and they were all fairly popular paintings. This was during the gap year I took before heading to university in 2019 and it really helped me develop my art style! I realized that since my style is more like realism I could adapt cartoons in a really fun and fresh way. And I was always like oh well I’ll get to the Silmarillion stuff soon… And then I went to university and did Illustration projects on the Silmarillion, as I’d always planned to do, and I completely forgot my Tumblr art blog, which was very infrequently posted to until 2021.

Then when I was in university I started getting excited about Minecraft’s updates because I hadn’t played since 1.13 and cool things were coming up and so I typed “Minecraft” into YouTube and found Pixlriffs’ Survival Guide. And then I got into Hermitcraft bc Mumbo and Iskall would show up in the recommended. And then Pix joined Empires I got into the whole Empires crew, and by then I was getting burnt out of never making art just for me and only for assignments and I took an hour out to sketch the Copper King during class, which I posted, and people liked it! And Pixlriffs himself emailed me that same day to say how much he liked it! And then I was like okay well there’s a niche here—there’s little more cartoony than a Minecraft skin so my style would work great here, and wow it turns out there are a lot of people into this too! A lot of other awesome artists! And my work got more and more attention until I got to work with the CCs on their series and now I’m a mcyt blog.

TLDR; I was supposed to be a Silmarillion blog because I used to make a lot of Silmarillion art, but in the time since making my URL I ended up getting into other fandoms instead by accident! And now I’m a mcyt blog even though I’ve kept my original URL because I like it a lot 😋

[bookwyrminspiration]

Hello! I have drawn more art that has managed to capture Maui's personality I think! (The oc I was talking about a while ago, I don't expect you to remember)

Also I have decided that he has given his prosthetic arm a skin-like quality withb nano tech or something (Like in detroit become human) but its only because I consistantly forget about the arm and I don't properly know how to draw the arm. I’m very happy with how the most recent one turned out! And have one of my WIPs as a gift :)

-Heathen

(Yes, this submission was intentional <3)

_____________

Heathen! Hello! actually fun story about these art pieces I saw you posted them to your account but didn't realize it was you at first and went "oh wow those look a lot like Maui" and then got whiplash (/hyp) when I realized it was Maui and that you had drawn them. I don't look at urls most of the time but I recognized your art style. Also I remember almost everything about maui!!

I don't know anything about Detroit Become Human, but I will take your word for it and assume it's essentially hyper realistic prosthetics. that reminds me of something but I don't know what.

also these wips??? are absolutely incredible??? (I started rambling so putting this under a cut)

I'm absolutely obsessed with the detail in the tattoos on that Playboy drawing. gotta say I think the crescent moon with flowers in it is probably my favorite as I happen to love drawing crescent moons in artwork (I think I have a few drawings like that I've never shared). also the hands look so nice?? you've somehow made them look super natural while also not needing a lot of specific detail and I think that's very impressive. of course there's also the whole outfit that I can't ignore!! skintight things can be so so annoying because then you actually have to think more specifically about the anatomy of things, and you did that wonderfully!! the highlights on the bodysuit (and him) are so bright and make such a statement in the best way possible. the eyes also look so interesting with the way the green and brown are split. and then the attention to detail with all the advertisement thingies all around? I don't know what to call them but the words. down to the price of the magazine!! this could just be a magazine cover and I'd believe it

and then you turned him into a space person??!! I think. I think that's space. it looks like sci-fi at least, especially with the tentacle person off to the side. tentacles can be so fun to draw. but back to maui. He looks. like chaos incarnate. I do not know what he is planning to do but it just feels like it is going to be mischievous or accidentally mischievous as he concocts a wild plan that leaves the whole crew amazed and horrified at the same time. and that background??? oh my??? like you went all out I am amazed. you've got the walls and the panels and the perspective of a curved room and things on the walls and in the center and people positioned around it. and then the lighting from different glowing things around the room because it's sci-fi and things just glow a lot there. that sounds like so much work just thinking about it and yet you make it look so good??? I hope whatever Maui is doing in this drawing ends well...

a classic mermaid maui!! that feels very you. I have a memory of you expressing and interest in mermaids, and to that I say hell yea. I love love love the fluidity of his tail and how it curls!! I am very picky about flowy lines so a lot of mermaid drawing where it looks like they have knees--while beautiful--can bug me. I also thinks it a very unique design how the colors of the tail come up his body and cover his arms and even parts of his face!! the water looks so pretty as well with the light shining through it and the. I don't know what to call them. the white details up in the top that indicate it's the surface. those are incredible!! i'm curious if there's a reason you made him blue or if that just felt fun when you were drawing it, as sometimes characters have color associations!! also is that stitches on the bag? like on the thing that would hold the strap if there was one. if so wow that is a lot of detail, if not you have given the illusion of detail and that's also cool!!

I also love the last drawing because it gives him in more of a...typical? setting. it's like it's a closer glimpse at him because you're not distracted by the situation or surroundings--the others are also excellent! this one just has a different vibe that I enjoy. he's got spiky teeth and a piercing and honestly that tells me so much about him and the chaos he contains. something about his expression is so smug but also so carefree I don't know how to explain it. also hang on wait a minute. the detail in those straps??? I am in awe??? those legit look realistic your skill is uncanny. same thing with the scarf they both look like real fabric/materials that's so cool. for some reason his hair also stands out to me with how you've highlighted it, and I think it's incredible. the whole piece is! the outfit and the pose and the folds in the clothing!! *chef's kiss*

these are all so cool thank you so much for sharing them with me <33 I got a little rambly there but your art is so colorful and pleasing to look at and I am honored to receive Maui in my inbox!!

[chemiste]

Voicemail. ~one-shot~

a/n: howdy babes, last night i was reading through @toothpastekissy​ masterlist, basically gobbling up everything and came upon Leaked Feelings! I loved the concept of it so I decided to write my own version :) lmk if y’all want a part two!

ALSO, i recorded myself singing both songs i wrote for harry,,,, if ya want to know the tunes i was thinking for them, comment if you want them and ill post em.

my masterlist

There they were.

The leaked files.

When you got a call at 4 am this morning, you did not expect your publicist to be telling you some of your exes songs were leaked.

“What’s that got to do with me?” You asked, still half asleep.

“They’re about you, Y/N.”  Well now you’re awake.

“What?” You shot up out of bed, padding over to your white desk, fuzzy pink socks on your feet. You opened your laptop and jumped onto twitter, scrolling through with one hand while the other held your phone. #StylesLeak was trending worldwide, as was #Y/N.

HarryUpdates tweeted:

OMG OMG RED ALERT WE GOT LEAK SONGS Y’ALL

FineFuckinLine tweeted:

OOF, what the fucccccck did harry do to Y/N? These are all apology songs!!! No wonder the break up was hush hush

E!News tweeted :

Hey everyone! We know Harry Styles and Y/N L/N stans are up early this morning! Leaked songs from Harry sales have been put out on the web for everyone to see. The two singers had called it quits 3 years ago, but now they’re the trending topic again! #shipname is now trending #1 worldwide, I didn’t ever think we’d see that one again! Go to our website for more!

You heard you publicist let out a big sigh, you put your phone on speaker and set it down on the desk next to you so you could keep looking.

“There are 7 songs, and each one has your name in it or as the title.”

It was a bit of shock, to say the least.

You had hung up with your publicist a while ago and were now debating on whether to listen to the songs or not, you had found a fan account that had the leaked files all ready to go for your entertainment, but something made you hesitate clicking the url.

“You Bastard!” You screamed, shoving him back into the wall. 

Mascara was streaming down your face, the satin red cocktail dress you wore now crumpled as your crouched to grab your suitcase from underneath the bed.

“Please listen, it’s not what you think—“ Harry started, you whipped around to the man before you, fire burning in your eyes.

“Oh, really Harry? How is me hearing you say ‘yeah Y/N is alright, but gotta keep the media happy ya know’ on a voicemail I probably wasn’t supposed to get not what I think?” 

Quickly, you zipped the bag closed, kicking your heels off and shoving your feet into your beat up converse. He let out an exasperated breath, tears starting to shine in his eyes.

“I—I was drunk Y/N! I was with some friends just joking around and—“ 

“Drunk words are sober thoughts Harry.” 

You snapped back, slipping your tench coat on and racing for the stairs, luggage in hand. You rubbed away the endless tears running down your face as you made it to the living room, collecting your keys.

H raced down after you, mumbling over words—

‘Excuses’, You thought.

Right before you opened the front door, he grabbed your hand that was wrapped around the handle of your suitcase. 

“Please Y/N, can’t we just sit down and talk this out—“ 

“There’s nothing to talk about Harry, you made that perfectly clear when I had to listen to you compare me some ‘other models’ while at a very important record dinner! I had to fucking sit there, eyes on me, and act like you weren’t ripping my heart out one word at a time!” 

You snatched your hand out of his and moved out the door, 

“Don’t call me,” was the last thing you said before slamming the door shut.

Bringing back those memories was something you didn’t want to do, it had been 3 years since the break up. Harry didn’t come after you, even though a part of you wished he had. Wished he had tried harder to get you back. But alas, shortly after, he started dating a model, Camile or something, and your relationship was tossed aside like yesterdays newspaper. 

You moved back and forth with your mouse on the link, eventually you closed the page. Instead of fully chickening out, you decided to go to your favorite platform for celebrity gossip, tumblr.

“At least one of his die-heart fans must have the lyrics written down already.” 

You mumbled to yourself, logging into your secret side blog about cats, Captain America, and cute outfits. 

After not that much digging you found a blog, harrysmygod, (you definitely rolled your eyes at the name) had a whole posting written out about it already.

“They’re sure on top of everything, I’ll give them that.”

You started to read.

Hello my harries! 

So if you’ve been up these past few hours, something big has happened! HARRY STYLES HAD SOME FUCKING SONGS LEAKED!!! And no, I don’t mean songs that could have been on the FineLine album, I mean OLD songs! 

And they’re about, you know my fav girl, Y/N! Now, we know their break up 3 years ago was very quick and hush-hush, not much details ya know? 

BUT WE GOT THE JUICE NOW LADIES!! 

The boy wrote 7 songs that got leaked, and you wonder why I know they’re about her? Y/N is a lyric or title word used in all of them! Thats right, all 7 songs. I’ve done the best thing for everyone and written out the lyrics for you to look through, I’ve only kept one chorus and each new verse, if you listen to the song and its repeated I only wrote it down one for you, blah blah you get it? 

Great! Heres the first one, it’s called Voicemail.

You took a deep breath and scrolled down.

The look on your face,

The hurt in your eyes,

Made me realize, my lover was gone,

I never got to say goodbye.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

The words I had said, not true,

I’m so sorry you heard them too.

When you came home in that dress,

Mascara dripping onto your chest.

I knew I had fucked up,

One voicemail turning us to dust.

If you ever hear this song,

Know that I was wrong,

You were the best thing in my life,

Now those flames have turned to ice.

Oh, Oh, Ah, Oh.

Y/N, please remember the love we once had together,

So I know I am real

And then maybe, we could try to heal.

Heaaaaaaaaaal.

Wow you guys, this SONG! Totally sucks that harry didn’t mean to release them cause totally invasion of privacy (sorry harry), but lucky for us we’ve got some info on what happened between Y/N and him! 

I’m thinking maybe a voicemail gone wrong? They could have been in a fight and he said something that cut too deep? Lmk what you guys think, heres the next on called Gone.

You scrolled through them, you read all the songs. Lover’s Funeral, Drunk Thoughts, Empty Seat, Your Sock Drawer, and then finally, Y/N.

Alright, we’ve made it to the last song my dudes. And personally it’s my favorite!!!! This was the last song leaked, but I feel the most important. Here’s Y/N.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N,

You make my heart fly,

I feel as though I could touch the sky,

I only need your love to try.

My love, love, love

You shine brighter than any star above.

Make me count everyday,

I should have tried to make you stay.

Oh, Y/N, Y/N, Y/N

I know we can agree

That I’m a bastard

Im a flake,

You made the right choice

Walking out on me

But could I have

A second chance,

I know it would be worth it

In the end

Because I’d get,

On one knee,

And promise myself to you

For all eternity.

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

Oh, Y/N Y/N Y/N

My love, love, love

You gasped, basically jumping away from the computer like it was on fire. Thoughts raced through your mind, you grabbed your head, trying to keep it all together. 

He wanted to marry you? Impossible. 3 Years ago this man was thinking about proposing, then how could he say all those horrible things about you?

“He’s not worth another heartbreak, stop it, stop it!” You chanted to yourself.

While you paced back and forth making a dint in your soft white carpet, you had tuned out the notifications for instagram, twitter, and calls coming through to you. 

But then a certain dial tone popped up that you had only set for one person.

Ding!

Ding!

Ding!

You glanced to your phone on the table and froze.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent you a message.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent you a message.

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “Mrs. Styles.”

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “I Should Have Fought.”

Bastard (wasn’t allowed to block, fuck PR)

Sent a voice file “I’m Sorry.”

<3

here’s part 2!!!!!!!!!

[redley-of-many-noodles]

@potentially-a-poser Hey.

I would transition to a man in a HEARTBEAT

There you go.

Your situation is one where coming out could be dangerous. That’s true. But to “push down and ignore” your own identity is dangerous in its own right. There’s a reason you’re here, of all places, asking for some sort of advice. Because even though you’re afraid, it’s REALLY difficult to hold those feelings in.

I was in a similar situation a few months back, wondering, “am I really trans? Am I just confused?” The answer was yes, and also yes. I’m transgender. It’s confusing.

It wasn’t quite as clear-cut as thinking “damn I wish I was a girl,” but rather it was a while of wondering “what do I want to be?”

(Don’t ask what the answer was, it’s still a bit confusing.)

When I finally put the pieces together that I was trans, it didn’t immediately change my life. But it was fun. It’s been fun to learn new things about myself! I’m a much wackier person than I first realized, and it’s cool as heck!

I live in Florida. Not rural, thankfully, but it’s still not ideal. Laws are being made that challenge my right to have my identity recognized. DeSantis and co. want to deny that I exist.

But I don’t regret this.

It’s worth it.

Getting to be myself — to learn more about who ‘myself’ is — is worth it. Every shard of broken glass I have to walk on is a drop of blood well spent.

You might be bitter in ten or twenty years about all the unnecessary hardships being trans put you through — but will you truly regret it? If it meant being comfortable in your own body? If it meant finding people who will love you for yourself and nothing else?

No.

Because it’s worth it.

It’s worth every moment of looking in the mirror and being surprised to see, “wow, I look handsome!”

It’s worth every judge mental stare from people who don’t actually care about you.

It’s worth every hug from people who actually do.

If you’re afraid to come out, that’s okay. Take it slow. Reach out to others like you. Here in Florida, there are organizations like the Orlando Youth Alliance that exist to help you find a support system. They’re all across the country. Across the world.

If you aren’t ready to tell the world you’re a man, don’t. But, in the quiet times when you’re lying in bed at night, tell yourself. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge who you are.

I see your URL, and I’m telling you:

You are not a poser.

You are simply you.

And you deserve to be seen and respected and loved.

It’s late at night and I feel like I’ll be talking in circles if keep going much longer, but what I want you to know is this:

As was said by Hogarth Hughes, from the animated adaptation of The Iron Giant: “You are who you choose to be.”

It will not be easy if and when you come out. But I believe that the journey will be worth it, looking back. I have never met you, and it’s possible I never will, but I have faith in you. I believe that you can find happiness, that you can find a place to be yourself.

I’m here if you want to talk. And even if you don’t, I’ll be cheering you on.

Hey y’all, I’ve been thinking about my gender identity lately. I’ve always been incredibly uncomfortable in my body, and I have body dysmorphia. I’m AFAB, but most progressive people use they/them when they see me because I guess I just give genderqueer vibes. I’m 17, so I do still live with my insanely conservative Christian parents that are fully into the Qanon bullshit. My little sister says it feels wrong to call me her sister, so she always just says “my sibling”. I’ve never like officially came out anywhere, but I definitely know I don’t identify with the gender I was assigned at birth.

Anyway, I would transition to a man in a HEARTBEAT if I a: lived in an area where people aren’t likely to call you slurs for looking a bit fruity (I live in the rural American south), and b. Liver in a world where trans affirming healthcare is even a little bit accessible/affordable.

I can’t figure out if I’m like a “transtrender” though, cause it really scares me to think of coming out and having to justify myself, and I’m also scared that I’d regret it. I know I’ve thought “damn I wish I was a boy” since I was really young, but it’s always been something I can like push down and ignore.

Anyway, if anyone out there has any advice it would be AMAZING. I’m really struggling

[quatregats]

got tagged by @acadiera​, moltíssimes gràcies <3333

1. why did you choose your url?

There’s nobody here and also i like cats <3

2. side blogs?

This is a sideblog, my main is @guillemelgat. I also have 2 other sideblogs but I never use them (they’re technically for Malayalam and a writeblr but there’s basically nothing there so I’m not even gonna bother saying the urls). I don’t think I could honestly handle more than this lol, but if I do get my life together someday I’d love to make an Actual Writeblr (I have been fighting off the temptation though).

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Since late 2015 (effectively 2016) 👀 I can’t believe I’m actually Old now

4. do you have a queue tag?

lol no I don’t queue I just postdump and let you guys figure it out (I did run a queue for a bit on my main when I was making posts once a week and not being on here for the rest of it and then my tag was, somewhat ironically, “la vida sense queue which is in fact the attitude towards queues that I have since embraced)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Okay this is going to sound REAL weird but I made myself a private Google site for languages and would like...post blog post things??? about my language study (for a grand audience of zero people), and my friends in high school had Tumblr so I had heard about it from them but also had no concept of what it was for. I decided to check it out at some point and was like oh I could make my language blog be on here because changing platforms is fun and stimulating, and so I did that and told no people and interacted with no one because it was basically just a continuation of the old Google site which was for my brain-dumping mostly, and then a year into having it I somehow let slip to a friend that I looked at Tumblr things sometimes and she was like oh can I follow you and I was like I mean sure but I just post weird language stuff which I don’t think is how people use this site and she was like oh it’s fine I have some friends who do that and I was like :0 and went home and did some digging and realized that there was an actual language community on here lol...Anyways there’s the lore that no one asked for

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

idk, I just like having myself as a pfp because I’m very face-oriented and I feel like it’s important for people to associate my words with my existence as a person??? if that makes any sense. Also I like the trans flag in the background but I might change up the picture soon because I don’t like it being a generic picrew :/

7. why did you choose your header?

I just really really really like the woods in New England and idk I think I was feeling sentimental or something. I literally changed it less than a month ago and I already forget why lol

8. whats your post with most notes?

I think on this account it’s the post about John T Kenney’s painting of Duck 😖 I just wanted to scream about things into the void but the weird TTTE fans found it and I Regret My Choices now. I like making popular posts though, I do literally everything within my power to keep them within a limited circle because idk how to handle interacting with strangers

9. how many mutuals do you have?

somewhere around 30 but a lot of them aren’t active anymore :(

10. how many followers do you have?

212 on here

11. how many people do you follow?

189....wow I really cut that number down by a lot (I’m trying to keep it under control so I spend less time on here)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

uhhh actually idk what counts as one but yeah I’m pretty sure I have, I make a lot of dumb posts on this webbed site

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I plead the fifth

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ooof idk, I try to avoid conflicts like my life depends on it because I’m a very conciliatory person in general. I’ve had discussions, I think, and weird comments on my posts, and there’s been drama on here that I’ve tried to stay out of in general. I think I’ve managed to avoid getting in fights afaik

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I get very freaked out about reblogging like 90% of posts even without the guilt tripping, I am always overthinking things, so no, I Detest them with all my soul

16. do you like tag games?

prev tags, I really just come on here to say lots of words so the more the better

17. do you like ask games?

yep yep! see above :)

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I have absolutely zero grasp on what tumblr famous is because I’m in the middle of a very specific cell of tumblr so y’all seem famous to me, but honestly I have no idea. It seems like you guys do have way more followers and get way more notes than me though, so good for you <333 (not like a jealous thing, I don’t want notes or followers outside my mutual circle at this point, but I’m happy for you guys)

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

I refuse to answer any questions about crushes on anybody, blanket house policy for all people asking. I am way too repressed for that

I’m going to tag @ahabixa, @chatwiththeclouds, @portugue, @anthropologicle, @alvallah, @arabskaya-devushka, and anyone else who wants to <333

[lochnessies]

unsurprisingly wild takes as expected, but looks like they are reading posts from you and your mutuals based on the ionus comment lmao

https://mittelfrank-divas.tumblr.com/post/660500835124576256/people-who-say-three-houses-would-be-better-if

i think these people "bend themselves like pretzels" to prove 1. edelgard is the best character in the entire game and 2. try to prove she isn't a villain and could never do anything wrong. at this point it's like the same 5 people over and over.

ohhh wait no, sorry that's right, my opinions don't matter because i have no empathy for a queer woman who had trauma 🙄 (and not rhea, she doesn't count as usual since she's a "tyrant" and edelgard isn't of course even though the devs said so themselves.)

sorry this shit annoys me so much i had to vent. IT'S THESE SAME 5 PEOPLE PERPETUATING THIS STUFF!! when will they shut up??? also I've seen one of these blogs involved say some aphobic things so there's that too 🙄

unsurprisingly wild takes as expected, but looks like they are reading posts from you and your mutuals based on the ionus comment lmao

i’m not blurring the url out bc i’m lazy and at this point i don’t care. if they want to post something online i’m not going to hide it.

as for the ionius comment, i would ask them to tell me why i’m wrong. i looked at the canon timeline, character’s actions, how edel’s motives would line up, and drew a conclusion. it’s not like i just say shit and never back it up.

also like. why don’t they like the idea? why must ionius be a good guy? if anything, him being a piece of shit helps with their narrative of edelgard being manipulated and tricked into doing bad stuff rather than it being her idea. it also detangles a lot of edel’s backstory and makes it more coherent.

is it bc people think it absolves duke aegir? i mean, even though it makes no sense for him to be apart of the experiments that doesn’t make him a good person. he’s still a piece of shit, just not a torturer.

i think these people "bend themselves like pretzels" to prove 1. edelgard is the best character in the entire game and 2. try to prove she isn't a villain and could never do anything wrong. at this point it's like the same 5 people over and over.

yep. every time people send me a post to look at it’s almost always the same handful of urls that activate my fight or flight response. and i suppose it’s the same on this side of the fandom as well since there’s a handful of actively verbal ‘edelcritic’ blogs that i can name off the top of my head.

ohhh wait no, sorry that's right, my opinions don't matter because i have no empathy for a queer woman who had trauma 🙄 (and not rhea, she doesn't count as usual since she's a "tyrant" and edelgard isn't of course even though the devs said so themselves.)

when will people realize that not everything is about identity politics? like. by their definition, i’m also a q*eer woman (censoring the word bc i don’t like or identify with it) but no i’m not going to agree with edelgard bc we have a couple of superficial things in common. do i relate to her a bit? yeah, but i’m not going to throw my morals away and defend her abhorrent behavior. it is possible to like a character and empathize with them but still be able to condemn their shitty behavior.

sorry this shit annoys me so much i had to vent. IT'S THESE SAME 5 PEOPLE PERPETUATING THIS STUFF!! when will they shut up??? also I've seen one of these blogs involved say some aphobic things so there's that too 🙄

venting is fine nonnie i feel the same 😞 also oh wow a double whammy but i’m not surprised

[shesthespinstersimmer]

Check In Tag Game   ✔️

i was tagged by @madeofcc - awwwwwww 🖤

why did you choose your URL?

I made the rookie mistake of starting an under blog called @spinstersimmer  I didn’t realize how difficult that was going to be if I was planning on making a true Simblr. So I started fresh with this one. I thought Spinster Simmer was a great name, because I found that I was a lot older than most people I knew who played the Sims 🙃 (I changed a lot when I met a lot of people here thankfully)

 how long have you been on tumblr?

I’ve browsed around for years, but my 1 year anniversary of my Simblr is coming up this autumn

why did you start your blog in the first place?

I’ve been working on my story Beings for a long time and wanted to share it, but was terrified; all the stories I read here on Tumblr were so good, and I didn’t think I had the skills to share my story. Honestly, I feel guilty about torturing my friends with it for so long, so I figured I should take it to where people could possibly appreciate it more lol - Plus, it did a lot for dealing the stress of the pandemic & other world events

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I thought it best embodied how I feel when I’m enjoying the Sims 💚

do you have a queue tag

I do use my queue; it allows me to stay on schedule with posting (I hope that’s what you meant, if not, oops)

 what’s your post with the most notes?

this  and this one gets honorable mention

how many mutuals do you have?

Not sure, but the number is growing; seeing how kind people have been has restored my faith in humankind. A bit.

why did you choose your header?

At first they used a bunch of pretty flowers because they make me happy, but then I did a minor sim challenge by @someone-elsa and I really liked it. It was a no brainer

how many people do you follow?

625 👀 let’s move on…

have you ever made a shit post?

Prolly (sorry)

how many followers do you have?

150 - and I’m wowed every time (would’ve been more, but I blocked all the porn bots)

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

Thankfully, no - but if I did, I wouldn’t engage anyway. I abhor ugliness online; IRL can be ugly enough.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

If I feel like I can help someone, I’ll reblog, but I don’t tolerate being bullied or guilted into it

how often do you use tumblr each day?

I try to stop by once a day, just to see what my mutuals are up to 🥰

do you like tag games?

I didn’t at first, but i’ve come to enjoy them. I learned so much about everyone! I still feel a little anxious when I tag other people; I never like to impose (that’s my own hang up)

do you like ask games?

See aforementioned statement ☝🏾

do you have a crush on a mutual?

A lady never tells

Woo! That was fun - i’m sure a lot of you have already been tagged, but if you’d like to play along you know you’re more than welcome 🖤🤘🏾

[florencesmachine]

tell me what's going on

Why tumblr user donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame/luciehvrondaie is an embarrassment: a Masterpost

Hi if you’re here it’s because you’ve heard that tumblr user donottearmedown is an embarrassment and you’d like to know all the details! Let me break it down. It all started with this post by @minacarstairs (Tessa (yes @minacarstairs’s name is Tessa sorry if that makes this post confusing)), in which donottearmedown originally reached out to Tessa by sending her something along the lines of “Do you ship heronstairs/herongraystairs?” And Tessa replied with something along the lines of “Yeah lmao herongraystairs rights!”

(I wanna note that Tessa was being very polite, and continues to be very polite to people who disagree with her opinions on heronstairs/herongraystairs. She even began her original conversation with dont tear me down by saying it’s a matter of personal interpretation :) it’s donottearmedown who made the conversation mean-spirited)

(Also Tessa pls correct next if I’m wrong on any of this thnx)

And then sometime later, the conversation above ensues in which donottearmedown, seemingly perfectly reasonable at first, disagrees with the ship and offers a link to look at. (She throws this link around any chance she gets. She really fucking loves this link.) I got involved because in her answer, Tessa replies back with a link from a post I made from my own blog starting back in 2018, and then continued to add to it until my account got terminated (long story). You can read through both posts and check out all the replies! But basically we realized during this interaction that donottearmedown wasn’t looking to have a friendly conversation and was, in fact, batshit crazy. They were saying some absolute brain dead shit like that people shipping heronstairs is the same as people shipping Alec x Clary. Here’s the screenshot:

donottearmedown came back the next day to reply on several of Tessa and mine’s post which she wasn’t even tagged in, such as this one, and this one that had absolutely nothing to do with her because I make that same post every year. Here’s a screenshot from my old account last year via Instagram:

(there are more posts she replied to but I can’t be bothered to look for them, I’m sure you can find them on their blog if you can spare the braincells)

Racism by donottearmedown:

So, Tessa received this anon which tipped us off to some of the other tomfoolery on donottearmedown’s blog. We decided to look for ourselves and lo and behold, here’s the post of donottearmedown accusing Cassandra Clare of having a “Chinese kink” for writing Jessa:

Which, first of all, makes no sense because there’s like 2 Chinese characters in TSC total. If anything CC has a straight white boy kink lmao. But by saying this she was basically implying that the ONLY way Tessa (book!Tessa), or anybody who loves Jem, can love him is if they have a “Chinese kink”. Which donottearmedown can’t seem to be able to understand is an incredibly racist thing to say and think.

They also reblogged this BLM link and proceeded to tag it with absolute nonsense like “#smoke weed #lose weight #wessa”. I don’t know if her intentions were to mock the BLM movement but I still found this to be so incredibly disrespectful and tone deaf.

I also feel like I should mention this ask sent to Tessa in which donottearmedown implies she ~could be~ Asian, but it’s “none of her business anyways” (as if being Asian would absolve anyone of being racist akjsksjsj), but based on the fact that she has a track record of lying and pretending to be a person she’s not (as you will soon see :)) I call bullshit lmao:

I think that was the last of our interactions until today? Tessa and I were distracted because we have, you know, real lives.

But anyway, that brings us to today.

donottearmedown started replying to posts from mine and Tessa’s blogs which she wasn’t tagged in, again, and made several days ago. This one literally wasn’t even about her, it was about someone else that had engaged with one of Tessa’s posts. I made that post over a week ago and had already forgotten about it, but clearly donottearmedown never stops thinking about us 😳

NOW I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THIS POST SPECIFICALLY.

Why? Because donottearmedown and luciequeenofelfame (now luciehervndaie) interacted on this post, as 2 seperate entities. luciequeenofelfame had also interacted with Tessa and I’s original posts at the beginning of June (you can check the replies on the posts!) coming to donottearmedown’s defense, and praising her for her opinions and other shit like that.

Here’s the screenshot. As you can see here, luciehervndaie reblogs from donottearmedown and adds on to their opinion:

Now here’s the kicker: donottearmedown and luciehervndaie are the same person.

As in, this bitch literally made up a second blog so that she can pretend to be someone else agreeing with her own opinions and cheering herself on.

Here’s the proof:

I made this post calling out donottearmedown on their racism. I didn’t bother tagging her in the original post because I knew she was stalking my blog and would see it eventually anyway. 😌 And they took the bait, as you can see.

AND THEN I got the notification that luciequeenofelfame had replied to my post. Here’s the reply:

Now here’s where donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame made an oopsie! 😳

Notice where luciequeenofelfame says “1. I didn’t delete it lmao”. She’s responding to my tags on this post where I’m calling out donottearmedown on her racist post, and my tags read:

“#the fact you went and deleted this post because you KNEW you were about to get slammed #comedy”

(context: @wilhelminacarstairs looked on donottearmedown’s blog recently looking for the post I screenshotted in the link above, and he couldn’t find it so I assumed she deleted it so that I wouldn’t call her out on it. Although she claims she didn’t delete it, so! Maybe it’s still up! Feel free to look for it and let me know lmao)

Now, in the tags I am obviously talking to donottearmedown, correct? So then why is luciequeenofelfame replying that she didn’t delete anything? 🤔 AND JUST AS IM ABOUT TO REPLY-

Wow, looks like I can’t reblog the post. Why? Because luciequeenofelfame has deleted it, and then IMMEDITALY changed her url to luciehvrondaie, hoping it would cover her tracks. Little does she know, tumblr notifications are forever:

As you can see, donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame/luciehervndaie realized they made an oopsie, so she deleted her first response and posted it again from the blog she actually MEANT to post it from. Damn if only she knew that @minacarstairs @wilhelminacarstairs and I keep screenshots of e v e r y t h i n g :/ Then she might have gotten away with it! 😩

But yeah lmao here are the posts I made about it immeditaly afterwards calling her out on it because I thought it was funny: X X X X

She defends herself on some of them saying shit like “wow so I’m just making up blogs for support wessa? The majority of the fandom supports Wessa so I’m all of those blogs according to you? I’m thousands of people?!” Or just trying to change the topic back to heronstairs and ignoring the allegations altogether. Like, no luv we’re not saying you’re every single Wessa blog ever. We’re just saying you’re these 2, and we’re right lmao. If you look through both their blogs they also post about the same fandoms, and more damning, make a lot of the same spelling errors. Seriously their speech pattern is exactly the same. Feel free to look through them if you want, and if they don’t start mass-deleting post trying to cover their tracks.

BONUS:

I don’t know how true this is, but according to @fair-but-wilde-child on this ask, donottearmedown is ALSO the infamous twitter stan that complained to CC about TLH having too many gay characters.

EXTRA BONUS:

luciequeenofelfame/luciehvrondaie (donottearmedown’s second account 😌) is the account responsible for that wessa vs jessa comparison chart that went around a while ago LMAOOOOOOOO embarrassing

tl;dr: donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame/luciehvrondaie is a biphobic racist who’s opinions are so bad she has to make a second account to agree with herself

🥺 tragic

Also I wanna say for the record, as @minacarstairs ans @wilhelminacarstairs will testify, I guessed a while ago these accounts were the same person when I noticed their speech patterns were eerily similar, and how luciequeenofelfame always seemed to reply to donottearmedown’s posts IMMEDITATELY after they were posted. 

So the lesson for today? Cinthia is always right. 😤

[mysterioh]

The Ignorant Beauty and The Beast of New York - Ch. 15

pairing: mob!steve rogers x reader

synopsis: y/n is an exhausted bio major. steve is danger with a capital danger. she thinks he’s a sarcastic prick with an impressive knowledge of art history. he thinks she’s cute even if she’s only running on one brain cell. l he wants is a single date, but she’s adamant upon denying.

A/N: Hi! I changed my url I was lovemeterwrites. I know it’s been a long time so sorry for the wait!

MASTERLIST

A Very Manly Heart to Heart

Your fingers were intertwined with his. 

They’ve been all night. 

At first, his touches were subtle, shy, nudges hinting of wanting something more. Something only you could give him. And as the night unravelled, you gave into his gentle pleas. Your hand slipped perfectly in his while waiting in line at the boba shop. 

It caught him off guard at first. He whipped his head towards you with wide eyes flitting back and forth between your clasped hands and you perusing the menu on the wall. You acted like it was nothing. As if it's always been like this. Fingers crossed against his, palms pressed against each other like two puzzle pieces with a perfect fit. 

And when you pulled him along to find a table, his footsteps felt lighter, his insides felt like jelly, and the world seemed a bit brighter. 

Tonight it was boba. The night before it was coffee at the bookstore. The night before that was milkshakes at an old diner. 

It had become the routine for the past week. He’d come to pick you up after class and take you somewhere new with the sole subject of your conversations being each other. Your likes and dislikes. The never-ending debate about the arts and sciences which usually ended in harmless insults. Then when you felt like you’ve had your fix for the night, he’d drive you home. That was your favorite part of the night. 

Your fingers would be loosely intertwined with his. Your thumb brushing against his finger periodically. Eyes glued to the window, watching the city at dusk twinkle underneath the moonlight or rushing by as blurred lights. The windows would be turned down just enough to let in a winter breeze, just enough to cool the heating blush scattered on your cheeks. Neither of you would speak, only listen to the words of your heart dancing along to the murmurs of a sweet melody on the radio. 

“What are you going to do now?” Steve asked, walking down the hall to your apartment. 

You shrug. “Oh, probably study something,” you thought aloud, “rewrite notes, maybe.” 

Your tone is melancholic, expressing the dread that’s beginning to fill you at the thought of all the things you had to do. 

“Do you really study?” he asks with a chuckle when you stop at the door. He leans against the wall next to you. “Or are you just saying that to keep that perfect student image you got going?” he teases. 

You raise a brow paired with a sassy smile. “And what do you think I do with my freetime?” 

Steve’s lips contort into a sly smirk. “Think of me,” 

You rolled your eyes and slapped him on the chest, slightly pushing him away. “Oh, you are so full of yourself!” He laughs, falling back. “Do you though?” he asks with a soft smile and even softer eyes. 

Your expression mirrors his. You look down bashfully then back up to find him still looking at you. “Sometimes I do,” you confess shyly, “But then I realize that it’s a waste of my time and I’d rather do better things," you scrunch your nose. 

Steve groans loudly. “You’re so mean to me.” 

You shrug while lifting your nose in the air. “Someone’s gotta bully the kingpin. Might as well be me.” 

“I wouldn’t mind that at all,” he stands straight. He takes your hand in his and dips his face into your space. “Maybe I can come over and help you study?” he suggests. Although it sounds more like he’s tempting you. “Read your flashcards for you?” 

You chuckled. “We’ve done that before and you did horrible.” 

“I’m practicing,” he whines, his voice lilting with his words. 

You bite your lip, thinking of what to do. He’s making that stupid puppy dog face and maybe if he did it a few weeks ago you wouldn’t give in but things were a bit different now. "You can only come over if you're not a distraction." 

Steve beams. "I promise to be on my best behavior,” he says to make you chuckle. He comes closer until his lips catch yours in a simple kiss. 

The door to your apartment opens suddenly. You jump back from Steve, completely startled to find Quentin standing in your apartment. 

He isn’t happy. His lips were twisted into a hard frown. His soft blue eyes were shooting you disappointed looks. He decided to keep his focus strictly on you because he knew the minute he looked in Steve’s direction he was going to lose it. 

"Quentin!” you yelled. “What are you doing here?" 

“I’m supposed to be here,” he retorted. “Remember?”

You stay quiet. Quentin knew about the key under the rug and you had no problem with him being over, but you didn’t know what he was talking about. 

He huffs deeply. “Did you really forget what today is?” his shoulders drop with a sad pout. 

Silence. 

“It’s Friday.” 

“Wow he’s so smart,” Steve compliments, “Does he do tricks?” 

Quentin grumbles. 

“Steve,” you hit him on the chest with the back of your hand. 

“It’s Overwatch night!” he exclaims. 

“That was tonight?” 

“It’s always Friday night!” he waves his hands around. “More importantly, do you know how worried I was?” he questioned. “You didn’t pick up any of my calls.” 

Your brows knitted in confusion. You take your phone out of your coat pocket and check it.

10 missed calls from yours truly.

Oh, I'm in trouble now. 

“My phone’s on silent,” you chuckle nervously, “sorry about that.”

Quentin isn’t laughing. 

You stop laughing and try to pry away from his glare by looking at everything but him.  

Overwatch night was a serious matter. It was a tradition that the two of you did together and only the two of you. Because that’s how it’s always been. Just the two of you. But nowadays, he hardly ever sees you. And it feels like you’re slipping out of his fingers.   

“Well I guess Overwhatever night is cancelled, so you can go home now,” Steve chimes in. 

“It’s Overwatch,” he replies sternly.

“I don’t care,” Steve says indifferently. 

“Me and you need to have a talk,” he directed at Steve. 

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” 

“Well, I do, so let’s go,” he grabs him by the arm and pulls him along. 

“Quentin!” you followed behind him, ready to argue. 

“No, you stay here,” he ordered with a pointed finger. 

“But—”

“I said in, young lady,” he pointed inside. You sigh while watching the two walk down the hall. Steve looks back with a goofy smile and a shrug. You mouth him a “sorry”. He shakes his head with a chuckle as he enters the stairwell behind your friend. 

You just hoped they didn’t kill each other out there. 

“Sooo,” Steve drawled as he stood against the wall of the apartment with Quentin a few feet away from him as if he had the plague. 

“I hate you,” Quentin deadpanned. 

Steve chuckles sadly with a cigarette hanging from his mouth. “Gee, I wouldn’t have guessed that.” 

Quentin clicks his tongue at him. “You know what I hate the most about you?” 

“That Y/N likes me more than you?” the blonde jests. 

“No, it’s that fake face you keep showing her.”

Steve’s brows knit in confusion. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” 

“You know exactly what I mean,” Quentin stated, rooted in his position. “I know about guys like you. You act all sweet when you’re really not. You might have Y/N fooled but not me.”

“I swear you’re a genius,” Steve says with a roll of the eyes. He takes another long drag of his cigarette. 

Quentin’s jaw clenches tight. “I’m not playing around. There’s nothing pure and wholesome about a mobster. You guys are lower than scum.” 

Steve’s head whips towards him and he grabs a handful of Quentin’s sweater. He tugs him closer, his eyes shooting daggers at him.  “Watch your fucking mouth.”

Quentin stands unashamed and unafraid. His eyes are just as firm as his stance. Steve had to admit he had the guts to stand tall after insulting the kingpin. “Or what? I’m not afraid of you.” 

Steve lets go of him with a light push. “The only reason why I haven’t pounded that pretty face of yours yet is because of Y/N,” he states, pointing his finger at him. “I don’t give a shit if you hate me or not. I’m not here for you, it’s for her. I care about her.” 

Quentin snorts. “You care about Y/N?” he repeats with disbelief. “If you cared about Y/N, you wouldn’t be doing this.”

“Doing what?” 

“Putting a target on her head.” he dropped on Steve, making him go silent. “They’ll hurt her to get to you. Have you ever thought about that?” 

Steve exhales through his nose and his shoulders drop along with his lips. “I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about it for a long time,” he confesses. 

Quentin can hear the clarity in his voice. Either he’s really good at lying or he’s being honest. He’d like to believe it was the first but he had a feeling it was the second.

“I asked her if she wanted to leave and she said she wanted to stay. I gave her that option. I didn’t want her to be forced into it and I will never force her into anything. When I said I cared about her I mean that. She means more to me than you'll ever understand." 

Quentin shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shakes his head. “She means a lot to me too and I just wanna make sure she’s okay,” he whispers, looking down. He kicks the sidewalk with one leg, grazing the sole of his shoe against the concrete. “She’s been through a lot. She grew up alone. She had no one and didn’t trust anyone. But she opened up to me, and I take our relationship very seriously. I love her.” 

Steve’s ears perk at the end. He turns his head to look at him. Two pairs of blue eyes catch sight of each other. One filled with worry and a slightly murderous intent. The other pair exasperated. 

“Not the way you do so don't blast my head off, I see her as a sister, alright?” he deadpans. “But I just worry for her sometimes,” he turns soft again. “She’s good at hiding how she feels and making it seem like it’s all good when it’s not. All I want—all I really want is for her to be happy and safe,” he confesses. “I don’t care if it's with your dumb ass or someone else as long as she's really happy, I'm happy." 

"You're a good guy,” Steve replies awkwardly. 

"I don't need to hear that from you." 

"Damn you're annoying,” Steve grunts. “Just take the stupid compliment will ya?" 

Quentin chuckles quietly, "Alright thanks.” 

The two men stand at the curb, each one turned slightly away from the other, watching the lifeless street quietly. The cold nips at their cheeks and begins to sink into their bones, but they don’t mind it. The strong scent of smoke from Steve's cigarette twists around the two. Quentin takes a step away. He hated the smell of smoke. It always brought back memories of when he lived with his dad. 

He wiggles his nose and rubs it with his fingers. 

“You really like her?" Quentin breaks the silence. "Like you're not doing this just to pass the time?" 

Steve chuckles with a smile. He drops his cigarette and crushes it under his shoe. 

Thank God. 

"Would it really matter if I answered yes or no? Cause at the end of the day, you're still not gonna trust me." Quentin grumbles with an irritated expression painted on his face.  

Steve smiles at him before looking up at the night sky. Not a star in sight and yet it seemed brighter than before. 

"I've spent a lot of my time alone. I've seen a lot of people I cared for leave, some without even looking back. Some of them, not even getting the chance. And I made up my mind I didn't need anyone anymore. I'd live by myself–for myself," he looked down with a sad frown. 

Steve rarely spoke of his feelings. With the job he had, emotions were just an inconvenience. You can’t really cut a guy’s fingers off if you felt pity on his pregnant wife at home. It’s hard to do the things he did if he felt something. 

But here on the street next to a guy he barely even knew, that he hardly even liked, it felt easy. And maybe it was that uncertainty that came with a stranger that made things like this easy. He wasn’t trying to prove his worth with some heartfelt bullshit. This was real. It was raw. These were thoughts he had for the past few weeks. What he thought about on the way home from dropping you off. When he sat in his office with Lucky in his lap, and a fire crackling in the hearth. The things he was thankful for.

"But then I met Y/N, and at first I was just intrigued because she was different. Maybe ordinary to everyone else, but she stuck out to me,” he says, "And maybe at first it was just to pass the time but it turned into something more. The more I thought about her, the more I liked her. The more I wanted to know about her and become a part of her life,” he smiles softly at the ground.  “Maybe I'm being selfish, but it's been so long since I've really felt something and when someone like her drops into your life–you'd be stupid not to take the chance,” he turns to look at the him. 

Quentin knows he’s being honest. He can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. 

“I don't know what's to come in the future but as of right now, everything I feel for Y/N, everything I show her is real,” he places his hand on his chest, rubbing the sweet ache in his core. His features soften and his eyes gloss over. "She makes even scum like me feel human." 

Quentin looks away, cheeks a bit red from the cold. He sighs in defeat, his hot breath vaporizing in the cold air. His facial features are hard to read, firm like a father’s, but his eyes are soft. 

"Promise me you'll keep her happy?” he asks. “That you'll never let her feel alone. She means the whole world to me and if I ever find her hurt or crying and I learn it's your fault? I'm kicking your ass to the sun." 

Steve laughs from the belly and it takes Quentin off guard. "I'm actually somewhat intimidated," Steve smiles at him for the first time that night. "you wanna job in the mob?" 

"Yeah, no thanks,” Quentin quickly denies. 

"I promise you. I'll keep her happy,” he replies with a nod.  “In all honesty, I'm still trying to figure out why she likes me." 

It’s Quentin’s turn to laugh. "Trust me you're not the only one.” 

Steve lips twist into a scowl. "Jerk." 

Quentin’s lips twirl into a smile. "Asshole." 

"So it went well?” you asked Quentin with hopeful eyes. 

"Kinda,” he shrugged, plopping down onto the squeaky couch. "We uh came to an agreement.”

"And what's that?" you sat next to him. 

"Confidential,” he replies, creating a frown on your face. "Now movie time?" he asks, waving the remote. 

"Yeah," you nodded. You cuddle on the couch next to him and rest your head against his arm. He puts on a random movie on Netflix and gets comfy. 

"So you like him?" you asked, looking up at him from the side. 

"No." he deadpanned. "But I'll bear with him for you,” he chuckles quietly and turns to look down at you. 

"Yeah?" you sit up with excitement. Quentin’s lips curl into a languid smile by the way you're beaming at him. 

"Yeah." 

You hug him from the side practically toppling him over, quietly cheering to yourself. "You're great, you know that?” 

Quentin smirks. "I know,” he says nonchalantly with a smirk. 

If you’re happy. He’s happy. 

“How’d you like the movie?” Steve asks, exiting the theater with you beside him. 

“Personally, I think there were way too many old white men in that movie,” you comment. 

Steve chuckles. “You wanted to watch it.” He tucks his hands in his coat pockets and creates a hoop with his right arm letting you slip your arm through and hold onto him. 

“I thought you’d like it,” you reply. “I wasn’t sure if you’d like Little Women.” 

“I like anything you like, sweetheart,” he grins and leans in for a peck on the lips that has your insides melting and a giggling mess.

A gentle breeze flows through your hair while walking towards Steve’s car. 

“So where to now?” you ask. 

“Wherever you want, I’m free for the rest of the day—” Steve cuts himself off when he looks up to see a man leaning against a random car. You tilt your head slightly in curiosity when he stops and catch sight of the man. He’s a bit short with a strange beard. The blonde grumbles. 

Of all the days. 

"Tony, what the hell are you doing here?" Steve asks pointedly.  "You lost or something?" 

Tony chuckles and stands straight. "Actually no, for once I'm right where I need to be,”  he replies, "Spent all day looking for you. All your guys keep telling me you're busy,” he says, "And I guess I found the reason why."  He chuckles, eyeing you down dangerously. Steve pulls you closer to him. 

"What d'ya want?" Steve snaps at him, sharp and firm. Tony’s eyes flit back to Steve. Two minutes and Tony had it all put together. He cocks a brow and his lips twist into the infamously famous cocky grin every man in the underworld knew all too well. 

"I'm in a bit of a bind,” Tony states smoothly, “I've also heard that you're in a little trouble." 

Steve laughs, shaking his head. "Nah, I'm fine,” he denies his statement and walks on, pulling you along with him. "See ya ‘round then,” he waves goodbye. 

Tony grabs a fistful of his coat and pulls him closer (down) to him, "Don't play stupid with me, Rogers,” he jeers, face all up in Steve’s. "I know what you did to the Gambinos and I know Hydra's after your ass." 

Again with all the names you don't understand. 

Steve keeps his composure, he looks down at Tony’s hand grabbing onto his coat, $650 dollars worth of Gucci, and looks back up at him. And you could’ve sworn you saw the other man flinch under his cold stare. "I think you forgot who you're talking to,” His voice was dangerously calm and it had shivers trickling down your spine. "Want a reminder?” 

Tony snorts, letting go of Steve with a gentle push. "C'mon you're not gonna punch me in front of your girl,” he eggs him on. 

"I mean he's done it before," You deadpanned and shrugged, returning Tony’s attention to you. 

Great. 

"Quick question. What's a pretty girl like you hangin' round this thug?" he asks. 

"Fuck off, old man,” you snarled. 

"Oh ho, she's feisty too,” he snickers. Sidestepping Steve, he stands in front of you. A bit too close for your liking. “How about you ditch blondie and spend the rest of the night with me?" he offers. "Come over to Manhattan, baby, you'll be seeing stars when I'm done with y–" 

CRACK!

Steve’s eyes grow wide and his lips part into a circle. He’s left speechless, trying to comprehend what he just saw. 

"Fuck!" Tony shouts. He hunches over in pain, covering his nose with his hands. "You broke my nose!" "You'll pay for that bitch!" 

"Look me in the eye and say that,” you hissed, fist still tight. Tony whimpers in pain, wiping the blood from his nose. Steve starts to laugh at Tony’s expense. “I fucking dare you." 

"See ya around, Tony," Steve bids him farewell. 

Steve tugs you along with him for Tony’s sake. "Wait, I'm not done with him,” you growl, taking a step back.

"Yes you are," he smiles with a tug, "Let's go for some ice cream. Gotta cool you down." 

“I’m fine.” 

“Really, baby? You’re all red,” he places his hand on your forehead with a chuckle. “You’re getting kinda hot.” 

You push his hand away. “Piss off, blondie,” you stomp off towards the car. 

Quality Mrs. Rogers Material 

TAGLIST (CLOSED): @ashwarren32 @siriusement @rootcrop @savedbystark @little-dark-empress @great-goddess-of-sin @boxofteenageideas @imsonick @scuzmunkie @achishisha​ @calwitch​ @chuckennuggets1213​ @captainchrisstan​ @thirstybunz​ @littlebees-things​ @voltage-my2dlove​ @rinkashirikitateku​ @miraclesoflove​ @harleyscheekheart​ @allegra-writes​ @iced-capsicle​ @eliza5616​ @bookgirlunicorn​ @fckdeusername​ @booktease21​

[sweatersstyles]

there are posts that go around asking for love letters and i want to write a love letter and i love u and i think i want to write a love letter for you even if i can’t write to save my life and even if i fumble over my words in real life and am so clumsy my fingers stumble over a simple four word text. i want to tell you i love you because i do love you i love you just for being you i love you because you are alive because you are breathing because you made it through another day. i wish more than anything in the whole wide world that you could understand how loved you are how many people adore you and appreciate you and wonder each day how they possibly could have lived without you before they met you. i wish you could understand how much i love you. i want you to understand to know to realize that you are so wonderful and good and amazing it makes me smile just to hear your name or feel the thought of you cross my mind and every time i see something that reminds me of you - your url, your pfp, the name sterling - i think of you and everything you’ve said and every word we’ve exchanged and a little bit of happiness just flows from my head to my toes and i love you so so much. and i understand if you don’t understand it i get it i get it i get it but i thought i’d type it out because it’s true and i only wish you could understand everything i feel about you everything the people you know feel about you. and i understand if you won’t post this if you think it’s too long if you think im lying (im not). i just want you to see this and want you to read it or skim it and maybe smile a little bit. or maybe you’ll see it and it’s too long and you’ll ignore it and delete it and that’s okay i just want to write it out because if there’s a slim chance you’ll read it if there’s a slim chance you’ll understand just for a moment how much i love you how much you are loved it’s worth it it’s worth it it’s so worth it. i love you lindsey i love you so much and you’re so loved and i’m so happy you’re alive.

I'm putting this all under a keep reading cause I just..there's so much to unpack and respond to here I can't even believe your kindness 🥺

first of all, I feel the need to apologize for the late response but I read this last night and I genuinely was so overwhelmed with love and you took the time to put thought into what you wrote to me so I wanted to do the same for you. I don't want you to take my late reply as a sign that I would just ignore or delete something like this or take it lightly because I promise you I never would.

I want you to know I read this once when you sent it through. I read it again out loud to my sister. I took screenshots of it and sent it to my friend and posted it on twitter cause I was just in absolute shock that someone like me would have such an impact on you like this. It's saved on my phone now and I promise you it will NEVER be deleted. I'll always keep it there and go back and read over it when I need it. I'm crying again reading it now and trying to wrap my brain around so much love in one message. I keep especially reading over the part about how you wonder how others could have lived without me just...wow. WOW.

I may not understand just in a way that again sometimes I find it very hard to find love for myself and it's not that I don't believe you cause I do and just because things have been hard for me lately it doesn't make me appreciate your words any less. if anything it makes me appreciate them more because you may or may not have seen me talk about how bad things have gotten for me lately but either way knowing you care about me and love me this much means so much.

it makes me SO happy that you even see my icon or my name or just think of me or a small character in my fics and that brings you joy? you say we've exchanged words before and knowing anything I've rambled on about in any interaction would help or bring you to feel that way enough to send this to me just makes me feel so special and loved I can never tell you how much.

Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. I can't say it enough, thank you. I love you so much. I genuinely love each and every interaction I get here and love being friends with everyone and this is hands down one of my favorite, most overwhelmingly kind interactions in the best way. Please message me off anon so we can be friends or come back and I'll give you an emoji. I would LOVE to interact more. I hope life treats you with all the love and kindness in the world cause you deserve it and more!!!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[bluestmoons]

1. alias/name: Serena!

2. birthday: February 3rd!

3. zodiac sign: Aquarius! 

4. height: 5′8"? I literally don’t know I have no idea, but I’m tall-ish 

5. hobbies: RP!!! Umm,,, I don’t know what counts as hobbies, but! Playing Sims! Making up stories/characters! Learning German! Transcribing! Making friends!  

6. favorite colors: PINK, orange/gold, green, and purple! 

7. favorite books: I always say “my own” and Inkheart by Cornelia Funke so let’s go with that!! I haven’t read a real book in a bit though. 😭

8. last song listened to: “why do you feel so down?” by Declan McKenna ( JKLFDJAKLFDA ONE IN THE SAME... )

9. last film or show watched: Kimi no Suizou wo Tabetai! 

10. inspiration for muse: I think most people would just pick one muse but let me just go down the list and pick things that remind me of/inspire me about my muses and/or why I picked them up!  ELSA: Purples and blues, cold weather and forests, dizzying castles, tinkling bells, snow and ice ( duh?? ), icicles, Norwegian patterns, deep purple velvets, isolation, the scratch of a quill, and the taste of tears. She reminded me a lot of my childhood. ERK: Purple silk and burlap, old books, exhaustion, disgust, burning hands. He reminds me a lot of one of my husband’s characters.  ERIC: Bright white sand and green-blue seas, cream castles, the taste of salt and the feel of rope, wet dog smell, the deck of a ship at sea, sunlight, parenthood. I love his goofy light-heartedness.  FINIS: Feathers, sheer clothing, long hair, tears caught in eyelashes, sad arias, inky quills against parchment, repetitive motions, purple flowers, a broken body that never shatters, fire, bloody throats, overwhelming sorrow, the concept of immortality, the feel of grass between toes, small boxes, cages, deep breaths, immeasurably empty/lonely, the depths of the ocean, moons!!, comets, blue-white, gray. I’m literally in love with her, so.  ICHIGO: Serious focus, the scrape of metal, uncontainable emotion, logic, hair clips and short hair, dark blue and green, obsessive thought, quick footsteps, position and pain of leadership, strawberries and the number 15, sweet tastes, ache of desperation, regrettable words yelled in the heat of the moment, small stature. I mostly picked her up in step with Kristopher picking up Goro but I love my little kiddo so much... so short, so powerful...  ITSUKI: Nice cologne, athleticism, nice big watches, subterfuge, smells, loss of personal space, pretty boys, lightning/static, unrequited longing, eyes closed, green and hazel, basil, silent admiration, Othello. I genuinely picked him up the moment I realized he was an empath because I have a type. :,)   IZETTA: Nomadic existence, bare and dirty feet, the smell of sweat and hard work, loud compassion, hope, unevenly cut hair, red and gold, cheap clothing, white costumes, early rising, warm metal, inferiority complex, total devotion and dedication. I knew I needed to write her so I could steal some of her positivity...  IZUMI: High fashion, business casual, stockings and high heels, earrings and nose rings, frost, dual-bladed naginata, the shine of metal in the dark, sold souls, sibling love, obsession with perfection, fish tanks, a home without any distinct smell, self-imposed isolation, fluorescent lighting, purples and blues. I don’t know, Izumi is one of my favorite characters from Kyoukai no Kanata, I always knew I had to pick her up.  LEONIE: Sun shining on dry ground, the feel and breath of the earth, refined chaos, green tea, large vocabularies, strange speech patterns, dry wit, sons, secrets, old books with a flower bookmark, the muddy bottom of a lake, frogs, red fingers and cheeks, old swords, dirty gold embellishments, empty and untouched rooms, freckles!!!!, spinning sword moves, honor, old armor, repeating words said just earlier, unflattering and unfashionable garments, blonde braids, running away running away running away. She’s an OC, so!! I fell in love with her on my own!! I decided to pick her up after Kristopher and I were discussing the Reed mom and I realized oh God, I have a whole idea... MIRAI: Pinks and golds, blues and blacks, vintage chic ( “grandma style”, as I lovingly call it ), red frames, serious expressions, overt politeness, depression, bandaged wrists and palms, gold rings, bloody hands, the taste of iron, burning hot blood, monster/demons, unpleasantness, distaste and disgust, starvation, empty shitty apartments, bonsai, gardening, social media and anon hate, sacrifice, orphan, self-loathing. God I just... I’d die for her okay... I... wow... I gathered the courage to pick her up after I loved her for years.  SAKURA: Toddler clothing style on a high schooler, cooking, food, sleep, oversized flannels, tired eyes and cheeks, aromantic, succinct speech, big scarves, wide stripes, lime green and red, crumbs, bandaids, bag like a mom’s purse ( full of napkins and tissues and food and keys and totally unorganized ), memories, forgiveness, sarcasm, bells, kicking, sisterhood. MMMMM I LOVE MY QUIET SLEEPY DAUGHTER!!! I picked her up because I just... vibe with her energy, I love her.  SERRA: PINKS and whites, cleanly pressed clothing, loud echoing voice, devoted and steadfast religion, bright white magic, attention-seeking, loneliness, nunneries, rosaries, The Sound of Music tbh, glitter, make-up, pigtails, tears over a chipped nail, devotion to valuing oneself, dedication to becoming the best, volatile emotions, absolute joy or unbridled anger, cherry blossom perfume, rosy red joints, stringy hair, memorization of etiquette, adventure-lust, friend-seeking. I love her so much -- she reminds me of Willow, and when I saw her on my replay of the game, I burst into tears.  URSULA: Blacks and deep purples and blues, fine wine, tight fabric, velvet skin, sharp and entrancing gaze, crows, black feathers, leather gloves, mocking simper, blood red lipstick, neutral colored fashion, lies, sharp perfume, manipulation, gold chains, the click of high heels, short dark hair, shadowy silence. I made this blog for Ursula! I knew I could play her and Kristopher wanted to write opposite of her so I threw her out here! 

11. story behind url: The original thought was that I’d be here way less frequently than my other blogs. Once every blue moon I’d check in on here. Hence, bluestmoons! 

tagged by: @myloyalty​ ( thank you my love!!! ) 

tagging: okay I know this is a copout but I spent so long doing 10,,, please,,, just steal it, I can’t look at this anymore, JKFLAJK 

[impostertamsong]

Learning to be Happy Again

Hey, I’m back. Wow. Sorry for the late update. I would like to credit @linhamon-roll because I used their drawing as a description for Huz.

Chapter Three: Thank You So Much

There was a problem. As soon as I hopped out of the window, I realized I had no idea where Elwin lived. 

So, being the genius I am, I decide to just light leap to Foxfire. It’s not that late and Elwin might still be there. 

“Hey, wait up,” Ro calls as she thumps to the ground, landing on her feet. She grabs my hand and we leap to Foxfire. 

Elwin is just walking out of the building when we get there, so I run towards him. 

“Keefe? What are you doing here? Did you have more problems?” 

“Um, well. Can I just stay at your place tonight?” I can’t talk about it right now. 

“His dad--” Ro starts, but I glare at her, so she stops, glaring back. 

“Um. Okay, but you have to tell me what’s going on when we get to my place, okay?” I feel that worry again, and smile despite the situation. 

“Yeah, I will.” 

“Good, now come here.” 

So I do, and we leap to Elwin’s house.

It’s a lot smaller than I expected, only about three stories high. 

Elwin seems to notice my confused expression because he says, “Oh, Huz and I didn’t want a big place. So much unnecessary space. There’s still too much of it, but oh well.” 

“Who’s Huz?” I realize now that so much of Elwin’s life is unknown to me, and I’m bound to learn a whole lot of new things. 

“Oh, he’s my husband,” Elwin answered, smiling slightly. Husband? That’s new. I mean, I’d heard of two elves of the same gender in relationships, but never seen it before. “He runs a community center for kids who need people to talk to. Kids with bad parent situations, problems at school, issues with friends, really anything.”

Okay, that’s cool. I didn’t know that kind of thing existed. Sophie probably needs it for all the stress she puts herself through,” I say, knowing full well that Elwin meant me to talk to Huz. 

Elwin sighs, and opens the door and my eyes widen. The front room is the coziest that I’ve ever seen for its kind. Candleshade was, well, Candleshade (as cold as its former occupants). Everglen was fancy because of Alden’s status. The closest I could think to comfort level was Rimeshire or Havenfield, but this was more. I immediately felt safe among the brightly colored couches and large bean bags that surrounded the room. 

Elwin smiles. “You like it?”

I nod. “It’s wonderful.” Past this room is a kitchen lined with pale green tiles. If I thought the first room made me want to live here forever, the kitchen definitely did. Something told me that a lot of cooking and baking happened in that room. Good cooking and baking. 

I look at Elwin. “Thank you so much.”

“Of course, kiddo. Now will you tell me why you came to me?” 

“Um, yeah.” I walk over to a beanbag and slump into it. “It was my dad. He didn’t give me the welcome home you’d expect after being in a coma for a few months.”

Elwin plops on the beanbag next to me. “I’m so sorry, Keefe. Do you want to talk about it more?”

I shrug. “I mean, I should right?”

“Only if you’re comfortable with telling me.” And I feel like I should, but also don’t want to. If I don’t tell him, he won’t know just how done I am and send me back tomorrow morning. But if I tell him, well. I don’t want to be a burden.

“It was just really bad. I might tell you later, but. I don’t know. It’s kinda too fresh right now, you know?” My sign comes out shuddered. 

“Oh, Keefe. I’m always here if you want to talk about it more, okay?” There’s that same feeling of worry again. 

“You don’t have to be so worried all the time you know, I’m fine.” I regret the sentence as soon as I say it.

But Elwin seems unfazed. “Fine hardly ever means good, Keefe.” 

And there I blanch. The room is silent for a few moments and then there’s a knock at the door. Elwin’s face immediately lights up. 

The door opens, and a tall man with shoulder length dreadlocks dyed orange at the tips comes in. His blue-purple eyes are extra bright against his dark skin. He does a double take when he sees me. I wave awkwardly. 

“Elwin, who’s this?”

Elwin gets up and walks over to the man, Huz I assume. “This is Keefe. His home situation isn’t good, so he came to me. He wanted to stay here, so I brought him here about fifteen minutes ago.” And then he whispers something I can’t really make out. Something about talking later. Elwin looks at me. “Keefe, this is Huz.” He looks at Huz. “And that’s Keefe Sencen and his bodyguard, Ro.” 

I cringe at the last name. Am I turning into Tam? 

“I see I haven’t been forgotten then,” Ro says, not unkindly, but with a little edge to it. 

“A Sencen, huh.” Huz looks at me with an expression that I think is understanding, but ignoring Ro’s comment.

And then I get cocky. “Not if I can help it.” 

Huz chuckles, again with a knowing element to it. The green understanding surrounds him like a bubble. It must be because of the kids he works with. “Well, you’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.” 

“Thank you.” I smile.

“Now. Let’s show you your room, yeah Keefe?” Elwin starts walking towards a staircase that I hadn’t even noticed in my awe of the living room. 

I follow him up the stairs which is a purplish crystal. Huz follows behind me and Ro takes up the rear.

Elwin points at a room to the right when we finish ascending the stairs. “This is our room, so if you need us for whatever reason, that’s probably where we’ll be.” 

With the quick glance that I catch, the room looks big, but not as big as most bedrooms. 

The tour continues on though, so I don’t catch much else. 

Elwin points to the left. “This is the bathroom on this floor. It’ll be yours, since there’s one in our bedroom.” 

I nod. 

After a little while, he points to the right again. “And this can be your bedroom.” 

I look inside and am immediately happy. The bed is huge, with a super fluffy comforter and so many pillows. But the thing that makes my smile widen is the desk. It’s a big table, enough room for a whole lot of art supplies. The walls are a pale blue, and there’s a huge window at the far end looking out over a big forest. A really great thing to paint, I think. 

“Well, you’re probably tired, Keefe. We’ll leave you here to settle in, is that alright?” Elwin breaks my thoughts. 

“Oh, yeah. I’ll be fine. Thank you so much Elwin. And you too, Huz.” 

They both smile. 

“Of course, Keefe.” Elwin smiles. 

“Well goodnight,” I say. 

Elwin hugs me. “Goodnight Keefe.” He looks at Ro. “Oh! Did you want a room to, Ro?” 

“Naw, I don’t need sleep.” Ro says, even though I know for a fact she does. We did a dare to see who could stay awake the longest a while back. She won, but when I woke up the next day, she was sitting with her face in her knees, snoring. 

“Oh, she does need sleep, she’ll take a room,” I say, smirking. Ro glares at me, but follows Elwin and Huz out when they nod and beckon her. 

I get ready for bed, turn off the lights, and crawl into bed. 

Which means, of course, that all of the memories of this evening come rushing back, so I turn the lights back on and go to the desk. 

I fall asleep drawing a picture of me with Elwin and Huz, all of us smiling.

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[minbirdie]

Hiii! Could you please do 10 and 40 with Chan? Thanks!💗

drabble game: #10 (enemies-to-lovers!au) + #40 (opposites attract) + 90’s radio dj au just bc i felt like it ^^

word count: 2.1k

warnings: strong language

a/n: i’m going to assume u meant bang chan since ur url is skz-themed!! but if i’m wrong i’m sorry :( thank u for being my first request ^^

[radio hearts] | b.ch

chan had always found it incredibly difficult to hold a grudge.

he was raised to never stay angry for too long, to always consider the point of view of other individuals before acting. when someone behaves in a way you don’t understand, his mother once told him, it’s probably because they are hurting. they are human, after all. and chan tried his very best to live by this mindset, always acting as the problem solver whenever tensions rose too high among his friends.

that was, of course, before he met you.

in the eyes of many, you were a background character, a person of few words with even fewer fucks to give. your hair was unkempt, your irises reflecting its wild nature whenever you spoke, and while yes, chan could admit that his tendency to favor dark clothing aligned with yours, that’s where all similarities between the two of you ended. you were untamable, untouchable, yet so indifferent to the world around you that sometimes just the sight of you made chan clench his jaw out of frustration. your attitude, your behavior, even your success—everything about you was an enigma to him.

it all began when you ruined what was going to be one of the best days of chan’s life, though not purposefully. that day, his lifelong dream had finally come true; he had miraculously landed a job at perhaps the most popular station in the area. what he only realized upon seeing you at the mic was that his dream of being a dj required a bit more experience and upward mobility, and unfortunately, chan had started at the bottom of the chain of command. this meant, of course, that chan had a few technical responsibilities but was mostly the errand boy, or your “bitch,” as you had so lovingly deemed his position.

from that day forward, everything about you irritated him. your blunt, sarcastic sense of humor typically struck a nerve, yet in a cruel twist of fate, it was your straightforward personality that made you so unique and popular on the air. you hardly sugar coated anything, and your choices in music reflected your lack of concern for what others may think. in all honesty, chan really couldn’t understand how you became so popular among listeners, since no one hardly gave you any attention in real life. you somehow managed to be both invisible yet successful, a feat that amazed and confused him.

“good morning,” he grumbled as he always did upon entering the recording studio, purposely avoiding eye contact with you. this particular morning, however, his hands were full with drinks from the local cafe. it was his turn to do the daily coffee run, and although he had been working at the station for a few month now and had everyone’s orders memorized as if they were his own, he was struggling to balance everything.

“need a hand?” you asked, but he merely scrunched up his face and shook his head vehemently. nevertheless, you stood up, reaching out to him. “here, let me help—“

“i got it.” he cut you off abruptly, setting the drinks down harshly on the table.

you raised your hands defensively and raised your eyebrows high on your forehead. “damn, okay,” you muttered before snatching your drink off the table and sitting back down in your chair.

typically, chan could hold his tongue. sometimes, however, he let his passive-aggressive tendencies get the better of him, and although occasionally you reciprocated with some harsh banter of your own, normally, you ignored his sour attitude with an ease that only further exasperated him. today appeared to be one of those days where an unspeakable something egged at chan, pecking at him from just underneath the surface of his skin.

“hey bang,” you called out, not even bothering to look up from the track list you were mapping out for your portion of today’s air time. “what do you think should go in this slot here?” you pointed at the list, tapping your pen against the blank space on the paper.

chan leaned back against the door frame, shoved his hands in the pockets of his ripped jeans, and inhaled through his teeth. “well, i don’t really think it matters what i suggest. you’re just gonna do whatever you want, so…” he was muttering, almost through a pout, and he made sure to avert his eyes by staring down at his sneakers.

but you had definitely heard him, which was evident by the way you slammed your pen down on the table. “alright, that’s it.” you snapped, swirling around in your chair to stare him directly in the eye. “what’s your problem with me?”

chan swallowed thickly, his eyes glued to the stack of cd’s piled up on a shelf beside you. “what do you mean?” he played dumb, hoping that you would drop it and he could somehow avoid getting fired.

he, of course, wasn’t that lucky. “what do i mean?” you repeated incredulously. “i think it’s pretty obvious what i mean.” you let out a shaky breath, and chan’s heart squeezed tightly in his chest as the realization struck him: he had genuinely hurt your feelings. “like, i know i give you shit sometimes, but goddamn, it’s like you hate me or something.” you ran a hand through your hair in an attempt to calm your nerves.

he shook his head vehemently, eyes wide and panicked. “no, no. i…i don’t hate you. it’s uhm…well, i just—“ unsatisfied with his stuttering, you stood, slowly making your way toward him. “i…i don’t know.” he admitted with a sigh. he still couldn’t bring himself look at you.

you trapped his body between yours and the door frame, and chan could feel your intense gaze burning a hole in his forehead. “alright then.” you stated simply before reaching out and closing the door behind him. “we’re not leaving until we figure this shit out. because, frankly, i’m tired of it.”

chan knew that he could probably slip out if he wanted to, but the look in your eye advised him against doing so. besides, as much as chan hated confrontation, he understood where your anger was coming from. “you’re right.” he admitted, though he still had trouble looking at your face as you stared at him. “i…owe you an explanation.”

he wet his lips, trying to allow his racing mind some time to think. “ah, how do i say this…?” he was quiet for a moment as he pilfered through the confusing tangle of emotions resting inside his chest. “i guess i’m just…” he drew out the last syllable before landing on the word, “jealous. i’m jealous, i think, because…uhm,” he huffed out a sigh, deciding to rip off the bandage entirely, “because you have the job i want.”

you knitted your eyebrows in confusion as you tilted your head only slightly to the side. “explain,” you muttered, your tone transforming from accusatory to one to something resembling understanding.

chan struggled to translate his feelings into words, especially when you looked at him like that—a soft gleam in your eye, wrinkles barely lining your forehead as you listened intently to whatever he was going to say next. he inhaled through his teeth, almost as if the confession was painful, before simply stating, “you’re…something else.”

at this thought, he couldn’t help but smile, partly because he was remembering with somewhat of a fondness the crazy tangents you would go on sometimes while on the air, the way that you would dance to the music you selected when you thought no one could see, how you always were the first one here in the morning and the last person to leave at night. he also smiled, in part, due to your own reaction to his statement; you tried hard to fight it, but there was a glint in your eye and a grin tugging at the corner of your lips. “i’ve wanted…to be a dj since i was eight,” he smiled fondly, remembering the fascination he had with his father’s record collection. “when i first found out that someone could make money by playing their favorite songs, talking about music, stuff like that….wow, i was ecstatic.” he shook his head with a sigh.

“oh,” you replied, your face falling, “i see.” you nodded, looking down at your feet. “i…ruined your dream.” 

chan didn’t say anything, but the look in his eyes betrayed his feelings. he neither confirmed nor denied your claim, instead continuing on to change the subject. “you’re really good at what you do.” he admits, running a hand through his dark locks in an attempt to steady his breathing. “and i think…i think that’s probably what frustrates me the most.”

you hummed in understanding, and chan noticed that your ears were tinted red with embarrassment. “well, uhm, thanks, i guess…” you mumbled, and chan couldn’t help the chuckle that your reaction pulled from him. “honestly, i’m really shit at what i do.” you smiled at yourself despite the harsh self-criticism. “like, i should probably care more—“

“the thing is,” chan interrupted, though not consciously, “i think you do care. you probably care more than i do. you just…have a funny way of showing it, i think.” your smile was dazzling, chan couldn’t help but think, as your face heated up from the compliments that kept pouring out of his mouth. once he started thinking this way, chan found it difficult to stop. “and your unique personality is really a strength for you, you know? you’re what makes this station, well, popular.” his expression could only be described as one of pure giddiness, absolutely adoring the shyness that his compliments brought out of you—you, the loud, independent, boisterous dj whom he had been secretly, jealously admiring for months.

and he would have said more, continued talking until his face turned blue, had it not been for your lips quickly catching his in a kiss without warning.

it was a short, fleeting kiss, clearly not something that was thought through, yet it perfectly conveyed the sense of something that had been pulsing through chan’s veins ever since he met you. just as he felt himself melting into the warmth and bliss your kiss provided, you pulled away with a gasp, your fingertips ghosting over your lips where chan’s had just been, as if you were shocked by your own actions. chan simply stood with his heart pounding in his ears and disbelief stilling his features.

“oh…oh fuck, i’m sorry,” your voice sounded like it would shatter like glass with the lightest touch as your wild, panicked eyes searched his. the longer chan stared at you, however, the more intensely he felt. your hands were still clutched around his shirt, probably a subconscious action that you would find embarrassing had you been aware of it, but chan didn’t want you to let go.

“don’t be,” he muttered breathlessly before pulling you back in for another deep kiss.

this time, chan could relish in your touch and pinpoint the specific sensations that made his heart beat so loudly he swore you could feel it, too. he cupped your cheeks gently, and he felt your grip on his t-shirt loosen as you relaxed into the kiss. your hands moved to wrap around his waist entirely, pulling him closer to you and causing him to hum against your lips.

he couldn’t stop his racing mind, in all its confusion and bliss, from wondering how you did it, how you acted without overthinking every possible outcome, how you managed to be so reckless with almost everything you did but in the best, most intriguing way possible. in part, he envied you and believed it to be a part of your vitalizing, sometimes infuriating, charm. 

chan pulled away only because he needed to catch his breath, but when he did, your smile made him wish he hadn’t.

now it was you who found it difficult to look into his shimmering eyes, opting instead to gaze down at your fingers as they nervously fiddled with the fabric of chan’s shirt. “you surprised me, bang. i honestly thought you were gonna call me a bitch, or quit, or something.”

chan couldn’t help but chuckle, tugging on his lower lip with his teeth. “well, i mean, i have thought about it before.”

“hush. i’m trying to say something,” you laughed, shoving him playfully, and chan’s thumb lightly brushed against your cheekbone. “i…never thought that you would feel that way because, well, you’re so…” you stopped, crunching up your redding face out of pure embarrassment. “god, this is so cheesy…”

chan’s smile was absolutely radiant. “i like cheesy,” he teased.

“please, can we just…?” you inched closer to his face once more, and chan happily obliged to your unstated request, kissing you tenderly.

and even though chan didn’t realize it at first, he really had found his dream job because he got to work side by side with one of the most interesting, unique individuals he had ever known.