#i never felt odd or different rlly that much

[lionhanie]

moving to busan (kim leehan)

where you move to a new city and fall in love with a boy on the beach 

surfer!leehan x gn!reader (non-idol au)

this work is my contribution to @onedoornet 's summer event! ^_^ check it out here!!! ♡

word count: 5.5k

genre + warnings: fluff!!! maybe a tad of angst o_O, written in all lowercase!, mentions of depression + feelings of unbelonging (??), leehan is referred to by his real name (donghyun), ft. side characters taesan and woonhak

a/n: me when i had to watch surfing videos to write this LMAO sorry if its inaccurate…….. i can't even swim! LOLLLL. i def channeled some of my own feelings into this, so it was rlly fun to write. i'd even go as far to say this is my Most Favorite piece yet :,)

reblogs ↺ + feedback always appreciated!

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you didn’t know what home felt like. which felt odd to say, given that you were extremely fortunate to grow up the way that you did– a roof above your head, food on the dinner table, and a family to share it with. the older you got, the more it felt like you needed to leave. there wasn’t anything inherently wrong with your life; sure, you had your fair share of rough patches here and there, but it was never anything too severe. despite that, you felt suffocated. it was hard to wake up in the same bed you’ve used for lord knows how long, going outside to walk the same paths you’ve walked on thousands of times, all to see the same faces everyday. this was all you knew.

moving to busan was something you never expected yourself to do. the decision was made more on a whim than anything else; immediately upon graduating, you decided to pack your bags and move to a new city, feeling like a stranger wandering alone in the foreign streets. there wasn’t much to pack, anyways. you were committed to truly leaving everything behind and starting fresh, bringing only one suitcase and a backpack for your essentials. 

you grew up in a smaller town, about five hours away from where you were now. there, you were used to the quaint homes belonging to the families you'd grown up with. the kind crossing guard by the middle school you used to attend still worked there years after you graduated, now bearing wrinkles by her eyes, but still possessing the same sweet smile she would always give you while helping you cross the street. everything you needed was a quick bike ride away. the area was quiet, comfortable, familiar. and yet, you left. 

you’d gotten to a point where you grew sick of the familiarity. to live life in one place forever scared you. it was best described as a fear of being stuck– like a stagnant body of water, peacefully undisturbed but painfully boring, to say the least. a fear of missing out on all the things you could be doing if you just lived somewhere else. anywhere more exciting than the town you knew like the back of your hand. you yearned for something else, something different. 

moving to busan meant doing things you never got the chance to do back at home. growing up, you quickly realized that being in a small town meant that you couldn’t do the same things that kids in bigger cities could do. all you had were necessities– a supermarket, doctor’s office, run-of-the-mill shops lining a dirt road in the core of the area. it was enough, sure, but you were hungry for more. on the other hand, busan was full of unique experiences waiting for you. some being as simple as trying new cuisines at restaurants you’d only dreamt of seeing in your hometown, or attending various local festivals held in the area for tourists and residents alike. 

it was crazy to think that life could be so different, even a few hours away from your childhood home. to most, giving up everything you once knew is a terrifying thought. to you, it was a wish you made to yourself when you blew out the candles on your birthday cake. you marveled at the way it’s been nearly two months since you first settled in and there’s still an endless list of things you’ve yet to try! it felt more like a dream, than anything. life has never been so bright– especially after years of feeling dull in a town you now dreaded returning to.  

moving to busan meant finally meeting new people. it was a breath of fresh air, really. the apartment complex you lived in was on the corner of a busy area, giving you access to a wide range of personalities each time you stepped out the building. you were lucky enough to get a part-time job at a newly opened cafe a couple blocks away, where you quickly became friends with your coworkers: taesan (who didn’t like coffee in the first place) and woonhak (who spent more time talking to the customers than actually making drinks).

you would’ve been content if those were the only two people you managed to befriend in the big city. they were full of life– a never ending source of laughter and stories from their respective hometowns, making your shifts go by significantly faster when you were scheduled together, much to your disappointment.

this is exactly what you had in mind the first time you thought about leaving. it was exhilarating. being someone completely new to the area meant that you could be whatever you wanted to be. there were no expectations from those around you; nobody knew who you were prior to moving. it was a freedom you feared you would never experience if you stayed back home– the smallest changes in your appearance would be the talk of the town, especially with the way history ran deep between the residents. in busan, it was a relief to be a stranger. 

moving to busan meant being by the water every chance you could get. you’re glad you moved right around the time spring started. the weather was perfect; just warm enough, not too hot. in your free time, you find yourself walking along the shore. it was only a short distance from your apartment, being only a fifteen-minute walk away from the sea. as a kid, you’d only visited it once. to you, the water was so terrifyingly beautiful. one would think they know what it has to offer on its surface, but the truths lie deeper than one could ever imagine. the very bottom of the sea could hold the most precious treasure in the world or the most dangerous creatures unbeknownst to man– the possibilities were endless. it’s a shame that you didn’t get to indulge in your interest more when you were younger, but you weren’t complaining now that the beach was practically in your backyard. 

sometimes you find yourself alone, sitting in the sand on an old blanket of yours. it’s normally right around dinner time, where most people have left the beach and the sun begins to fall from the sky. you could sit there for hours, listening to nothing but the waves crashing against the sand while you wait for the mix of colors from the sunset to paint the sky. you try to find a new place to relax every time you come to the water. much like how you felt about your hometown, it didn’t feel right to return to the same spot each time. 

on one of your routine visits to the beach, you met a boy, whose story felt oddly familiar to you. much like your own upbringing, he’s been in the same place his whole life. this is where your timelines falter– it’s clear he has zero intentions of leaving the city he grew up in. to him, this is the only definition of home he could imagine. you were almost jealous. you yearned to know what it meant to truly enjoy being in the same place for so long. maybe it was commitment issues, or maybe it was just a never-ending desire to know more– to experience everything life had to offer. for donghyun, he seemed just fine being here forever. 

the first time you saw him was by chance. today, you decided to go see the water after work. it was rare you worked the mid-shift, which coincidentally ended around the time you would normally find yourself sitting in the sand. “are you doing anything after work today, Y/N?” taesan asks, watching you take off your apron and fold it neatly before placing it into your bag. 

“i think i'll go to the beach today.” you smile at the thought, having quickly found comfort in the location.

“wow, i'm jealous,” woonhak pouts at you from behind the register. “can’t believe you’re leaving taesan and i to close all by ourselves today!” 

you playfully roll your eyes at the boy. “you should blame our boss, not me. if we’re all off one day, i promise we’ll all go together!” your coworkers wave goodbye to you as you walk out of the front entrance, happy to see that it was still somewhat bright outside. you normally left long after the sun had set, when most of the neighboring stores were closing as well. 

the walk there was always pleasant. you liked exploring different routes, seeking out all possible ways to get to the same destination. it’s hard to keep the excitement bubbling within you contained when the vast expanse of sand first comes into view. there were still groups of people scattered across the area, but because it wasn’t exactly “beach season” yet, it wasn’t too populated. you hadn’t brought your usual blanket with you; coming here was a spontaneous decision. instead, you decided to lay out your apron close enough to the water to smell the salty air but just out of reach of the waves rippling against the shoreline. 

you plant yourself onto your makeshift beach towel, the sand feeling soft below you, still warm from the sun’s touch. looking into the distance, you’re entranced by the movements of the sea. it was healing, the rhythmic push-and-pull of the waves leaving a white foam in its path, bubbling and full of life. the calls of seagulls from above you, soaring around peacefully.

you wish you knew what it could feel like to fly like that, to feel the air beneath your wings. complete freedom. a small figure comes into your view, pulling your gaze away from the birds. someone’s surfing? it’s a little cold to be doing that right now. even so, the boy didn’t seem to mind. standing on the surfboard, his face was filled with pure joy as he rode the water beneath him. the closer he got, you were able to hear his fun-filled cheers more clearly. complete freedom. 

he was awfully good at what he was doing, unphased even if the tide seemed to pick up a bit more than expected. right now, the stranger looked completely in tune with the water; as if they were one and the same. his movements were graceful, despite how difficult it must be to keep balance. 

the wave soon dies down, crashing against the sand as it always does. your eyes observe the way he laughs to no one but himself as he walks through the shallow parts of the water. drops of water fall from his hair as he shakes his head, board held securely beneath his arm. the wetsuit is tight against his skin; his figure is lean and toned, presumably from all the surfing he does. 

he’s not too far away from you now, catching his breath as he sits in the sand parallel to you. the surfboard sits idly against the sand as he looks out into the horizon, seeking his next adventure. it’s not long before he gets up and approaches the water once more, sensing a big one coming up. you didn’t know much about how this worked, having only seen it in movies or tv shows, never in-person like this. 

the man lays stomach-down onto his board, determined as he paddles deeper into the unknown. he’s dismissive of the smaller ripples against him, not nearly powerful enough to get a good ride. it’s impressive how he seems to control the water, rather than the other way around. it’s clear that he loves what he’s doing. you decide you love it too, completely mesmerized by the way he maneuvers through the tide. he disappears briefly as a larger wave washes over him, but he’s quick to rise above it, emerging on the other side and pushing further into the sea. you watch as the water begins to crest close to him. this is the one. 

if you weren’t paying enough attention, you would’ve missed the way the stranger effortlessly springs to his feet, knees bent slightly when he first mounts the board. he shuffles slightly, adjusting his stance for better balance. almost in tune with the water, he skillfully navigates the wave, letting the water bring him back to the shore once more.

the sun was behind him now, a beautiful arrangement of pinks and oranges flooding the sky, making the picture perfect. you almost couldn’t believe you had the pleasure of seeing it in real time, the whole scene looking like a frame out of a movie. there it was again, an expression of bliss as he enjoys the ride, arms stretched out in the air by his sides as the board is pushed back to the shore once more. even when he falls off the board as the momentum slows down, the grin on his face never dies. 

despite your attentiveness, you don’t comprehend the way the handsome man was heading your way, being led by the tide. much like before, he’s chuckling to himself as the high from the ride slowly dies down. his hand runs through his damp locks after wiping the salty water from his face. now, he’s walking directly towards you, eyes shaped like crescents with the way he was cheesing so hard. your heartbeat speeds up. you turn around, finding that there was no one else around. his smile is reserved for you. 

the board is held close to his body as he leaves the water, his footsteps leaving indents in the damp sand behind him as he settles a couple feet away from you. there’s a soft plop as he drops the surfboard on the ground, taking a seat next to it. 

“do you want to try?” his eyes flick over towards the water before they’re back on you. 

“huh?” you’re baffled at the way you were observing him from afar only a couple minutes prior, and now he’s striking up a conversation. 

“you’ve been watching me for a while, no?” he tilts his head, lips curling into a small smile. his accent is thick, more obvious than some of the others you’ve heard in your short time there. he must be from around here. 

“was i that obvious?” you joke, playing with a handful of sand by your feet. 

the stranger laughs in response. “there’s barely anyone else here right now, at least around this time of year. you think i wouldn’t feel a set of pretty eyes on me while i surfed?” your cheeks heat up at the comment, feeling a bit flustered at the sudden praise. he’s properly facing you now, hand outstretched in your direction. “nice to meet you, not-so-secret admirer. my name is kim donghyun.” 

his hand is still wet, drops of water touching your own as you reach out to shake it. “i’m L/N Y/N. it’s nice to meet you too, donghyun.” 

“is that an apron you’re sitting on?” he points out, moving to fiddle with one of its strings resting in the sand. 

“pfft, yeah. forgot to bring my blanket today.” you explain, laughing at your forgetfulness. “i just got off work.” 

“you come here often, then?” his hair was completely soaked still, droplets falling from it and landing beside him. 

“i guess you could say that. i only moved here a couple weeks ago.”

“you picked the perfect city. i love it here.” the sun was almost completely out of view now, having slowly disappeared into the horizon. it was beautiful out. you breathe in the salty air as you watch the stray clouds floating by. 

“yeah, i think so too. busan has been treating me well.” 

“god, i’m starving,” he gets up abruptly, brushing his hands together to remove the sand clinging to them. you expect him to pick up his board and walk off, turning him into nothing more than an oddly-sweet beach interaction. “i know a good gukbap place nearby. coming with?” he extends a hand out to you again, waiting for you to accept his invitation. why not? 

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moving to busan meant enjoying summer for the first time in years. as a kid, you used to dread this time of year. most of your friends looked forward to school finally ending, but to you, this just meant you truly had nothing to do with your spare time. your days were spent walking down the worn down paths listening to music, or sitting in your backyard reading one of the many books in your collection. this was the closest thing you had to “escaping” from your reality. 

now, you had an entire city to explore. you were eager, but you wanted to take your time doing so. the last thing you would want is to get tired of busan, even if you arrived just a couple months ago. you didn’t see your excitement wearing down any time soon. 

“there’s my favorite barista!” donghyun’s smiling at you in front of the register, where you’d been standing for the past couple hours. once you told him you were working at one of the local cafes, he quickly became a regular (only when you were on schedule, of course). 

“you’re not getting anything today?” he shakes his head no, making you chuckle. he actually never bought anything when he was there, rather showing up just to talk to you in your free time. you tap a few buttons on the screen, starting your thirty minute break and walking out to the main floor of the shop, the surfer following closely behind.  

“do you want to go to the beach with me later?” donghyun rests his head against his hand as he looks at you from across the table. “i’m going surfing again.” it’s sweet the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about his beloved hobby. 

“wow, i would’ve never guessed!” you respond sarcastically, earning a giggle from him as he shrugs. “i’m closing today though. guess you won’t have an audience today.” 

he pouts back at you, sniffling as he wipes away non-existent tears. “who else am i going to show off to then?” ever since the day you met, you found yourself seeing donghyun more often than you initially expected. you thought that he’d just be a friend you’d find in the waters every so often. not that it was an issue, no– rather, you found yourself perking up every time he walked through the doors. it’s something woonhak quickly picked up on when working with you, often nudging you with his elbow suggestively every time donghyun showed up. 

“i’m off tomorrow, though.” you’re looking at your shifts on your phone. “if you’re free, maybe we can-”

“yes.” he answers immediately, catching you off guard.

“you’re not going to let me finish my sentences now?” you can’t hold back the grin on your face at how forward he was. “what if i asked you to go fishing in the middle of the night or something?”

“...i’d still say yes. that sounds fun, actually. we could totally do that if you want to!” every word that came out his mouth was so incredibly endearing, even if he wasn’t trying. 

…and that’s how you found yourself next to him at midnight, only a couple hours after you got off work, sitting in two fold-up beach chairs on the dock. “i’d question why you have all this fishing gear, but i should’ve expected as much from you, donghyun.” 

“hey, isn’t this nice though? there’s no one else here at this time.” he looks proud as he rests the fishing rod on the wooden guard rail, line casted in the water. “isn’t it kind of romantic?” 

your cheeks heat up at his implications. if it weren’t for the warm lantern placed between you two, he would’ve missed the blush on your face. “i was joking when i said we should do this, you know.” 

“oh, was it? i was serious, though.” you can tell he’s telling the truth with the way he looks at you with a serious gaze. 

“yeah, i know that now.” you didn’t mind being dragged around to his odd antics. weird, yeah, but you can’t deny the fact that you enjoyed every second of his company. he enjoyed yours as well. “i find it funny to think you find this to be romantic.”

“why wouldn’t i? you’re here with me, after all.” with that, you realize that you see donghyun as more than just a boy you met on the beach. 

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moving to busan meant having someone to walk with once the autumn leaves started coming in. it was always nice to see the trees begin to change color, but you always wondered what it would be like to see the transition on a bigger scale– and busan gave you the perfect chance to do just that. now that you finally got to experience the fall wonder somewhere new, you weren’t sure if you could ever go back to the life you once lived.

days like this were common, where you’d walk through the streets that donghyun grew up in. usually it was just you two, but today, he suggested you come with him as he walked his dog. naturally, you accept; it was hard to deny a cute boy with an equally cute dog in his arms. you hold onto the leash, smiling at the way koni would stop every couple minutes to sniff something on the ground. 

as you walk a bit further, you stumble across a large crowd of people surrounding various street vendors, curiosity piqued within you. “ah, is it already time for the jagalchi festival? how could i forget!” donghyun marvels at his poor memory, he hadn’t realized it’s already been seven months since you entered his life. time seemed to go by quicker with you by his side. 

“festival? this happens every year?” your steps slow down, koni gently tugging on the leash to keep walking towards the bustling area. 

“yeah, it’s basically like a huge fish market that runs for a couple days. tons of people come from around the country to see it, actually. the local fishermen show off all the catches from the season, so you know it’s the freshest you can get… and there’s performances too! you have to see it now that you’re a busan resident!” 

donghyun takes your hand in his, leading you towards the festival. banners were put up all over the area, welcoming in visitors from near and far into the heart of busan. colorful lanterns adorned the sides of each vendor’s stall, enveloping the area in a comfortable glow. there were people of all ages in attendance, smiling and laughing amongst each other as they explored everything the market had to offer– this was something you would’ve never experienced back at home. 

the two of you come to a stop at one of the less crowded sellers. its owner, a kind looking old man, was standing proud at the buckets of fish laid out on the ground in front of him. “should we raise a fish together?”

“donghyun, these fish are dead.” 

he rolls his eyes at you playfully. “duh, i know that. i mean like, going to the store and getting a new friend for my tank at home.” 

“wouldn’t that just mean you’re raising it on your own? i don’t have any space for a fish tank at my place.” you think back to your apartment, which now felt like a space you could truly call your own. you were proud to think that you finally felt like you were where you belonged, even if you’ve only been here for a short time. 

“that’s fine! what matters to me is that we bought it together! obviously i’d give you visiting rights to our child.” how could you reject him when his eyes light up at the mention of getting a pet with you? 

“woah, our child? we must be serious now.” your comment is nothing more than a joke, but he’s silent as he thinks about what he wants to say. he gives the hand he’s holding a slight squeeze. 

“can i be your boyfriend, Y/N?” 

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moving to busan meant finding a new type of warmth amidst the cold winter. back at home, winters felt especially difficult. you were prone to the adverse effects of seasonal depression when this time of year came around. the days weren’t as long, sun setting much earlier than it did in the summer, leaving you with nothing but darkness. just getting out of bed felt like a hassle– there was nothing to look forward to in such a boring town. everything was just… so bland. you were in a constant state of irritation, the smallest things ticking you off and leaving you frustration for no specific reason. 

this winter, you found it hard to believe those old feelings haven’t come back yet. not when you had someone like donghyun at your side. if you found it hard to get out of bed, he’d be there to drag you out with him, humming to himself as you made breakfast together in your tiny kitchen. if you felt like crying, he’d be waiting next to you, box of tissues in hand as he wiped away your tears.

winter usually felt like being dragged deeper into the ocean, unable to swim– but now, donghyun was there to bring you back to the surface, safe and sound. each day spent with him felt like healing; as if nothing bad could ever happen to you knowing that there was someone who looked at you with nothing but love in his eyes.

“do you ever miss your hometown, Y/N?” you were laying in your boyfriend’s arms in his childhood bedroom. his prized fish tank sat on his dresser, where the fish you bought together swam happily amongst its friends. there were photos of him as a kid framed on his walls– him at his middle school graduation smiling proudly between his parents, him holding koni as a puppy, him crying beside his older sister on the playground– each one giving you a glimpse of the life he lived before he met you. “i can’t imagine throwing everything away and leaving like you did.”

“well, it sounds bad when you say it like that. i don’t think i was happy there, though.” donghyun knew he wanted nothing more than to give you a home you felt comfortable going back to. a place where you could feel true happiness in. he’s mindlessly running his hands through your hair from behind you as he listens. “i can’t say i miss it just yet. maybe i’ll visit sometime soon, just not now.” 

“does that mean you’re happy here? in busan, i mean.”

“yeah, i’m happy,” you take a moment to reflect on the way your life completely changed upon leaving the town you once knew; how a stranger on the beach brought color into your colorless world. sunsets spent eating ice cream on a hot day at the beach, meals shared at his favorite local restaurants, and nights much like this one, being embraced by the man you love, as you talk until the sun rises. “i knew things would be better somewhere else, but i’d never imagine meeting someone like you so soon. you make me feel like i should look at things a little differently at home.” 

“if you ever decide to go back there, can i come with you?” he rests his head on your shoulder, cheek touching yours. 

“hm? i mean, if you want to. there’s not much to see there. i don’t think you’d have as much fun there as you do here.” you offer, thinking about how disappointed he’d be upon seeing that there truly was nothing to do there compared to busan. 

“i want to see it. i don’t care if you think it’s boring,” he’s sincere with his words, you can tell he means everything he’s saying when it comes to you. “we can rewrite all your bad memories together. it makes me sad to think you look back at the town you grew up in without fondness.” 

“it’s going to be at least a year until i want to see that place again,” you grab his hand, large fingers enveloping yours. “but i’d like that a lot, donghyun.” 

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and by the time spring rolls around once more, and it’s finally been one year since you moved to busan, you think you finally understand what it means to feel at home. you never got the chance to visit the temples last year, just barely missing cherry blossom season when you first unloaded your boxes in your empty apartment. from then, you promised yourself you’d save it for the best time of year, when the blossoms were in full bloom, baby pink petals on display and falling along with the occasional breeze. 

you’ve never known what it felt like to be loved wholeheartedly, but you’re certain this is it, as you walk hand in hand with donghyun through a path of cherry blossom trees. with him, you found that every day felt like a scene out of a drama. exiting through the temple’s entrance, you return back to the streets you were now familiar with. there’s a small creamery hidden between a restaurant and convenience store, and you find yourself sitting at a table outside, ice cream slowly melting in their cups in front of you. 

“i wish i was cooler when i asked to be your boyfriend. i think about that a lot,” donghyun plays with your fingers across the table before intertwining them with his own. “in all honesty, i was thinking about it for a long time before that day.”

“really?” this was news to you. you knew you had more than platonic feelings for donghyun that night at the dock, but you were surprised to hear he felt the same way as early as you did. it warmed your heart to think he fell in love as quickly as he did. 

“yeah. i wanted to do something cool, like surprising you at work with a big bouquet of flowers, or making you your favorite food and hiding a note in it. just anything more interesting than popping the question at a damn fish stall.”

you burst out laughing at the thought of finding a piece of paper in your meal. “it was perfect to me, though. i’m more shocked at the fact you saw me like that for so long, donghyun.” you feel shy suddenly, reminiscing on the way your heart would speed up everytime he walked into the cafe, or when he would walk you back to your apartment after spending the day in the water together.

“i knew you’d be someone important to me the day i noticed you watching me on the beach. i don’t know why, though. maybe it’s just because people don’t really bat an eye when they see me surfing.” 

“it was hard not to. i’ve never seen anyone so carefree. i guess i was just jealous of the fact that someone could look like that.” you can’t believe it’s already been a year since you first saw him on the beach. it was almost as if the sea brought the two of you together when the wave he was riding pushed him straight to you. 

“i think you look like that when you’re with me,” donghyun’s smiling at his realization. “when i’m with you, it feels like i’m riding a wave that never dies. i’d give up surfing if it meant i could have you by my side forever.” the confession shocks you, knowing how much he loved spending hours at the beach every day, chasing the high he got when he was on his surfboard. you wanted to cry; to think that someone would let go of something that meant the world to them just for you. donghyun thinks he could cry too– to think that he had found you, a person who changed his world in a matter of months, by a stroke of fate. 

to donghyun, you moving to busan meant making you a part of his definition of “home”. 

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© lionhanie 2024 ; all rights reserved!

[reasaph]

"I don't believe in God, but I believe that your my savior."

Soshiro Hoshina x Suicidal! Reader.

A snippet of something I'm working on.

Takes place in a hospital where they're both hospitalized at. Hoshina makes reader feel a desire to wake up everyday. Mentions of suicide ofc. No interaction between hoshina and reader yet.

TW: Swearing, suicide, kinda atheism because of the title, self destructive behavior, overall rlly depressing.

You oh so desperately wanna fuck with death. You wonder if The reaper is gentle when leading you to its chambers. The thought crosses the cocoon of your brain every time you gamble with your life on edge.

Every time a noose is slipped past the crown of your head and on the way to envelope your neck in the most lovingly way its ever been craddled. Every time you swallow those intoxicating pills which you found and deemed adorable because of its miniature size, theyre so small, perfect for the way they kill you off slowly (atleast was supposed to).

In every attempt, you wonder, will death be as beautiful as you imagined?

This time is no different.

The breeze felt nice, it was cool against your skin. The sun was shining brightly, much to your predicament. Its as if it was mocking you, screaming at your presence 'the day will not mourn you, go ahead and jump but not a soul will bat an eye or shed a tear'. Your feet carey you to the very edge, step by step. As odd as it may be, you dont wanna die on such a lovely day. It opposes the idea of your ideal and perfect suicide. You want the skies to feel as you feel. You want the clouds to heave and the horizon to dim. Your plan seems to be soiled by the tilt of earths axis just for today.

"I'll try tomorrow."

All of a sudden, the realization of how close you actually were to the edge hit you like a truck. It made you wobble and lose balance. Again, the world had other plans for you. It always does, never in your years of living has life been cooperative and actually side with you for fucking once. You learned to not care anymore, Embracing the wind as you fall, enjoying the nice breeze before your head cracks. It was warm when you hit the ground and it was oddly comforting. You could feel your eyes already dropping so you let them. You let your consciousness get taken away, you have no reason to fight anymore. You let yourself get lost, not bothering the sirens echoing in the background.

Gang, do we fw it and should I finish it? The title is inspired by the song "sailor song" by Gigi Perez!!

[oncewhenalongtimeago]

Just saw ur requests were open so yk i had to send one hehe

sooo ik thus is kinda unrealistic but i will try anyways!

hiccup with a dragon shapeshifter reader; no one in berk rlly knew but it was rumored that a witch lived on the edge and perhapsss he finds her there :3

tyyy!!

Versipellis

Pairing: Lycanwing!Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Lycanwing!Reader

Words: 878

After convincing Berk to move, Hiccup finds a strange dragon rider flailing around in the sand. Except… You have no dragon. Fortunately, you’re no stranger to him or Berk. You do, however, bring to question quite a few odd things about himself. 

Tags: the Hidden World, thw, httyd 3, AU, no light fury, gender neutral reader, nakedness, flashback, Suggestive Content, beginning removed

Next>

Hiccup hobbled slightly, gritting his jaw as he lifted himself over gnarled tree bark, grabbing at the branches of trees as he moved forwards.

His spine ached like a razor set of blades had been dragged up it, scratching along his ribcage as he went.

It was different from the pains that centered in whatever part of his leg that had been ripped and severed and rendered all a mess, though that part of him was aching too, causing muscles to tense and his eyes to shut in agony.

 Secretly though, he knew that pain had been there longer, beginning at a time when he was fully able-bodied but still decidedly frail.

He’d dealt with it when he was an apprentice slaving away over heavy swords and metal ores and he’d deal with it now. Not many carried much sympathy for the troubled, and troubled he was.

He didn’t know what to do with the dragons. Not after Grimmel.

Without a council or any advisor, the burden of managing everyone fell to him.

The idea of freeing and learning about dragons became less and less appealing the more overwhelming the work got. With a growing frequency, he needed to be reminded why the bond between man and lizard was worth protecting.

As he hauled himself up using the crumbling, rough-barked end of a branch, he tightened his grip on the end of a thick bundle of cloth in brown.

What fabric he couldn’t manage easily in front was easily thrown back over his shoulder, catching against leaves, causing his shoulders to jerk and his aches to worsen.

He’d grabbed it on a whim, knowing he might like something to sit over, but now it seemed like more of a burden than anything as he walked up an incline.

He was close- just one more step.

His life was a series of ‘just one more’s. 

He wondered if he would ever get to where he was going.

Hiccup let out a breath as he stepped over a short ledge.

He paused for a moment, looking out at the world from underneath furrowed brows, something in his chest dragging as he took in the drop. It wasn’t steep, but the sand would make it difficult to climb his way back up, what with his screaming body. 

If he went back now, though, that would have meant that his journey would have been made a waste.

Before him was a rippling lake, a few flat stones sticking out from the sand and its surface. Grazing over the small beach, something gave him pause.

He felt oddly calm- and by oddly calm, Hiccup meant… What, excited? Startled?

He felt way too much, though not as much as he would have expected, considering the circumstances- not with the way he recalled heavily sweating palms and a heart beating so fast it rendered him winded.

By the water, sitting and shifting in the sand was… a person.

It was you.

Glances at you stolen between two hefty bodies in the old village- past all his ogling, before he had gotten over his teenhood fancy for Astrid, but long after he’d picked up the one he’d had on you, you’d met eyes once back on Berk- the real Berk, the one that’d existed before he’d messed it up with his own hands, building fragile homes and carelessly slapping garishly bright, painted colors onto their walls... not whatever this place was, new to them all and only just slightly less alien.

You’d never talked.

And how pathetic was that?

Hiccup was a twenty-one winters old man, still stuck staring out at the world like a foppish teen from a rickety forge window.

“Oh.” You said simply, looking at him, then looking down, as if you thought you ought to cover up, though you didn’t seem too hurried. 

While you were distracted, he cautiously, greedily took in bare skin.

He didn’t think it was obvious that he was looking, with the way he kept all his limbs appropriately close to his person.

He should have been ashamed, but he was sure if he didn’t take the opportunity now, he’d never get the chance to again.

He was aware as you turned your attention back to him. 

“You’re… Chief, right?” You asked hesitantly. 

It was expected. 

Hardly anyone acted like it. If they did, they never treated him as such. He appreciated the recognition anyway.

Hiccup responded, “Yeah… Right. I am.” 

It was awkward talking to each other from such a distance, and yet with him unwilling to come down the slope and you rendered still and careful by your own nakedness, the two of you were stuck at odds. 

He kept his gaze on the general you for a moment longer than was necessary. To be fair, though, with the distance between the two of you, it was hard not to look at you without seeing all of you.

“Ah,” Hiccup started, looking around. 

Over extruding log-parts and thick leaves, there didn’t seem to be any cloth. No leather, either, or furs- not even a boot.

Weird, though he wasn’t complaining.

“Do you… make a habit of being naked in the woods?” Hiccup asked apprehensively. 

If so, he should make a habit of coming out more often.

[opertabry]

| notes; 34. yes? no? ( half written )

[ synopsis; there’s a cute girl that always sleeps in your intro pysch class. she just so happens to be ginger AND your dorm neighbor ]

YES? NO?;

haerin,

you said freesias were your favourite flowers, so i got some for you! hope you like them :)

i heard normal freesias symbolise friendship and trust, but i don’t really like that. i don’t think that fits us. white freesias symbolise innocence and purity; fits us a little more, don’t ya think? they’re also used a lot in wedding ceremonies (could be us one day). nah i’m kidding. unless..?

um this is kinda awkward for me, so bear with me please. you know, intro pysch wasn’t the first time i noticed you. i remember seeing you for the first time when we were in high school actually, i never knew who were, just knew that you were that one cute girl from the class down the hall. cute girl from down the hall. has a ring to it, no? and when we got into college, i was kinda glad when i saw you. i was really relieved to see a familiar face, even though we never ended up talking. then i saw you were in my intro pysch class, like what are the odds of that? okay, i’m stalling.

haerin, i think you’ve realised this but i really like you. crazy how this started from me just writing notes for you. well, i mean i’ll still write them for you if you want, i won’t stop. unless you tell me to, which i think would be dumb, because as much as i like you.. you’re kinda failing. no judgement, i swear, just an observation. okay, i’m ranting again. well? is it really considered ranting if i’m writing this? like wouldn’t ranting mean im saying it? okay i’ll stop im sorry. i mena it though, i really like you. it’s okay if you don’t like me back, i just wanted you to know.

with love,

y/n <3

as she read the letter, the soft smile that haerin sported kept on widening - which didn’t go unnoticed by her dormmate (unfortunately for her, not for you though).

you jumped up from where you were sitting on the couch, earning a shriek from hanni and sprinted towards your room. you ripped a piece of paper out of your notebook, grinning as you scribbled messily;

be my gf?

[ ] yes [ ] no

leaning back to admire your work (it really wasn’t that impressive), you felt a rush of happiness, a flight of butterflies released into your stomach. you folded the note before you jogged back into your living room, reaching for the door knob.

“y/n, what the fuck was that? you scared me, asshole. wait, where are you going?”

“haerin.” that seemed to be enough of an explanation for hanni as she let out an approving hum and turned to resume scrolling on her phone. she’s a weird one, you thought.

you walked over to the dorm next door and plopped yourself down on the floor. you slid the note under the door, something you’ve done countless times before - but this time it was different. leaning your back onto the door, you heard squeals from the other side. now that was definitely danielle. you started grinning and quietly laughing to yourself, gaining some judging looks from students walking down the dorm halls. but you didn’t care because haerin likes you back. you felt like you were back in high school again, the giddy feeling returning as you felt a nudge near your hand, a note being pushed onto your side of the door. you rushed to unfold it;

be my gf?

[x] yes [ ] no

“oh my fucking god.”

[ previous | masterlist | next ]

[taglist] @rd0265667 @kyaitosz @haerinkisser @sserajeans @limbforalimb @brocoliisscared

i’m a liar! (not rlly) but i have like one week off school bcs i’m sick and i just finished a maths test today. so a lil break for me before chaos 😞 BUT!! ik how i’m ending this now, i think next chapter will be the end.

[scaryspears]

Hey I was wondering I rlly love Liu kang x bimbo reader

CAN YOU MAKE IT INTO A SERIES PLZ AN HAVE THE READER CALL HIM LIU LIU?! 🙆🏽🙇🏽‍♀️

Hey, sorry it took a long time to write this. I'm not sure if I'll make this into a series, but here is an attempt. I hope you enjoy.

Warning: I don't write NSFW but there is some sexual references and hints.

"Why don't you try raspberry?"

Liu didn't understand makeup one bit, but his attempt to help you choose colours was very endearing. Raspberry was his favourite lipgloss to see on you. Maybe it was the shade. Maybe it was the taste.

"Anything for you, Liu Liu."

What was even more endearing was seeing his reactions to your little nickname for him. The way he would blush and get all shy was so adorable.

If shopping and crushing the dreams of losers wasn't on your to do list then smothering Liu Liu with kisses certainly was, which was everyday.

"Are you going to keep talking to us with a serious face even though you haven't washed your face?" Johnny would often ask Liu, or something along those lines.

You knew your kiss marks were like a trophy to him, so it made you flutter whenever he showed them off proudly to his students. If you truly had your way you would stick yourself to his side.

To say you two were an odd couple was just the beginning of the observation. You shared nothing in common, and both of you had a different outlook on life. And in another life, maybe he would hate your guts. Thankfully that wasn't the case.

"I love this perfume of yours." his voice was a bit muffled from where his face was digging into your neck.

There was a hungry look in his eyes, and somehow you could tell there was something going on in his mind. Normally you wouldn't mind, but there was something different. It wasn't the usual softness, he was possessive. There was an intent behind that possessiveness and you just had to know what.

"Is there something on your mind?" you asked him.

"Flower, I've been wondering-" he started, which made you alert for what he would say next. "If we should make changes to ourselves."

That was one way to word it, and Liu Kang's words came out wrong when his romantic feelings were intense, an adorable tick of his.

"What kind of changes?" you asked him, batting your eyes.

His face was all flushed, and you could hear his heart beating. "I've been considering the two of us... how we should go about this. Since we've been intimate, I was thinking of courting you."

Courting was different to dating. Courting meant looking for marriage.

"You want to make things official?" you started to grin, "Aw, Liu Liu." you smothered him with kisses again. This time it wasn't just his face.

A time lord could handle a lot, but you always surprised him with your energy. This time it was your turn to be surprised.

As you lay in the bed you felt like the wind had been knocked out of you, and Liu Liu was still up and about.

"Darling, do you just want to court me?" you asked him.

He came over to the bed and kissed your cheek, "I wish for much more." his eyes trailed over to your stomach but he quickly averted his eyes.

He wanted permission to do that to you. To have that with you. You weren't too young, and you weren't old. For whatever reason you felt honoured that he saw you that way. None of your past partners could picture you as anything other than a girlfriend. Sometimes you were even an experiment, to see how long the pretty girl lasted before she lost her mind drowning herself in makeup.

There was just something endearing about Liu Kang wanting more. It made your knees weak, and your hands twitch in eagerness.

"I do." you smiled, as if at a wedding, which you have always wanted to experience at least once but never got to consider.

"I do too." he returned, immediately understanding the vows you made to him.

For two people with grace and decorum it didn't occur that a ring should be present.

[averagetmntfan]

a special thank you to my moots.

(TW: suicidal thoughts, ig?)

ahem- so as I have mentioned, today is my 1 year old this platform! I honestly cant believe it’s been this..long? A lot has happened, too. And honestly for the longest time, it wasn’t going well. Like- at all.

(rant continues under the cut:)

I’m don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Im doing much better than before, so it’s really not a big deal anymore. I’m just giving some brief context for my 2023- early 2024 school year.

so, I made this blog a couple days before the whole situation went down. Which I think I briefly mentioned on here.

so for a bit, I had felt very uh- isolated in my friend group. I had kinda always been the odd one out. We had different interests. Their sort of fun was hangin’ out, gossiping and what not. And I was into cartoons, and art. I never really told them, though. There were sorta judgy, and I was very insecure. Because they make fun of people. And I didn’t wanna end up by myself.

But anyways- usually, they’d all leave. And tell me to watch their stuff. And since I’m sort of a pushover irl, I didn’t really argue about it. But when I say all of them leave-? I meant all of them. All 4 of em. And it often did upset me.

also they’d talk to people I didn’t even know- which, okay yeah- but I couldn’t talk to them. I didn’t wanna get dirty looks. I’m not a very outgoing person. I like to think I keep to myself often.

So, Halloween comes around. And this stuff doesn’t end. And for a bit more context, one of my friends was getting super annoying by me. And I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, like- at all. She easily got annoyed at me. And only me.

so she went to the Halloween dance- last block of the day

blah blah skip to after school and I text the group- “where are u guys?” None of them respond. So I search a lil bit, then head outside. Where- guess what? All of them were.

I asked “Why didn’t you answer the text?”

and my friends that gets annoyed at my easily said a snarky “my phone was off.” And was generally just being fucking bitch. And I use to be a big crybaby and stuff- and eventually grew out of it. But this- this sentence really upset me. I stormed off, avoiding all of them.

eventually I got on my bus and- well. Uh. Let my feelings out, if you will. I remember it very cleary, too. It was one of the most tears I had shed in a long time.

I get home, and the girl texts the gc, clamming I stormed off for “no reason” and I had enough. Saying smth “I obviously didnt storm off for no fucking reason”

a bit more of arguing keeps going, and a lot more sobs. It was one of the worst days I had ever had.

a few more days go by, and the situation gets worse. I avoid all of them, and hung out w/ a diff friend. I ranted/vent to her, telling her my friend was a Hippocrate for complaining about our other friends leaving, even tho she did the EXACT same fucking thing.

Which, was talking shit. So that wasn’t great and rlly bad of me. And I guess karma hit hard bc she texted me after school, saying I was talking shit abt her. Bc my friend was friends with her friends. So..awkward..

and really- the next day, it was over. I was free. But at what cost, really? I lost all my friends. Became an outcast, really. It was pathetic, now that I think about it.

for the rest of the year, I rarely spoke to them. And never talked to the other girl.

I spent most my time in the library, reading. And skipping out on eating. I was so unhappy. I don’t wanna say depressed but- very close.

it really made me hate who I was. It made me feel like a terrible person.

And that’s when I really did start using Tumblr more. It was sort of an escape, of mine. And god, I’m so glad I set up and account. I Met do many amazing and unique people one here.

This is sort of corny but, I really think this has helped me through a lot. Since a few months early I lost my privileges to tik tok, and discord. Which, yeah. Sucked.

but so many things had happened-! Joined a rp group, met a new online friend (which we are now very very close<3), found out about a LOT of facts, found other people who shared my interests!

so here we are, one year later.

it was really something. I’ve met so many wonderful people on here, man. Especially my moots. You guys know who you are. I’m not gonna tag you guys, but I’ll do a quick smth smth ig

FIRST OF- my first closest moots-!! Ghosty, cookie, Sleepy, Ally, And my Pooks, Ari. So many awesome things happened with these guys. A lot of funny moments, too. Lmao.

AND ALL MY RAMSHACKLE PEEPS- dew, anomaly, Schnozz, reboot, Bailey, lilac,- you guys are literally AWESOME UGH- I seriously enjoy every interaction I have with you guys. It genuinely makes me so happy

sorry this is super corny and stuff, I really wanted to make something meaningful for this. Thank you guys for being so amazing.<3

— jj

[wickjump]

20, 29 and 36 (What’s your favourite colour?)

btw ask game is here cause i reblog SO much it’s kind of annoying probably bc these get lost SO fast. if any of yall wanna ask more of these idk :3

20 - “what’s a totally useless fact you know”

if a giraffe got guillotined it’s neck would become a blood geyser. dunno how they figured that out but yeah the pressure in the neck would make it so the giraffe’s blood would shoot out like 9 feet tall. that is taller than a grown man. you’d be fucking dwarfed by it. giraffes don’t exist im telling you

29 - “what’s your favorite song lyrics right now”

ive got a verse each for two songs. “Rosie told me not to cry / look her in her big brown eyes / hold her tight and feel no pain / her dog breath drives me insane”, which is from Animals by Alex G (reminds me of my dead dog in a way that makes me feel an odd comfort and dereality)

and from my FAVORITEST SONG EVER, “you’re always asking what is up- up with me / could never tell you what happened the day i turned seventeen / the rise of a king and the fall of a queen”. ok i lied there’s another verse i also like from that song. “never felt like a princess / i used to kid myself in this dress / that it was just how things were meant to be”

those are both from seventeen by MARINA which is my favorite song ever. marina likes to leave the songs to interpretation and i interpret this one as childhood sa + being trans which is so quirky not me projecting LOL!!!!!!! 😂😂 love the song and MARINA thoufh because they’re all up to interpretation AUGH.

listen to marina im begigng yku. favorite song is seventeen obv but buy the stars and oh no! are also rlly rlly good…!!!!!!

ANYWAY ya ok that’s my favorite song lyrics SORZ THIS WAS SO LONG i really like both of those songs they mean sososo much to me on so many different levels

36 - free question/favorite color

pink and red are both favorites of mine!!!!! i like them equally methinks,, which is why tiny wick oc is pink-themed but big winnie oc is red themed. it depends on the vibe, i don’t like them together they gotta be separate depending on the theme going on. only one at a time

my intro says yellow is a fave which??!?!?!?!?! no??? how did that get there

[are-you--cereal]

SoOoo seeing as i played the quarry recently…

THIS GAME WAS CRAY CRAYY!!!

alsooo this is my opinion - and is ofc going to be based on my play through which may be different from yours!!

i rlly enjoyed it!!! but… i wayyyy preferred until dawn, (sorry to compare the twooo) it was great - but i felt like the story was all over the place, could’ve just been me not finding every clue, which i didn’t miss too many i think i missed like 2 hackett family clues, 2/3 camp clues, like 3 freak show clues. oops!! personally i felt like there was so much going on at once, i found the whole freak show thing to be super unexplained and rushed?? the tarot cards felt kind of out of place, but saying that, i loved that they were included - thought it was a super unique and fun touch that did kind of pull in the whole freak show/ fortune teller vibe. i think they could’ve made that a bit more prevalent tho, as it was sort of a side note and i understand that it was like something none of the characters knew abt, but i found it so odd that it wasn’t discussed like at all?! or even just discussed more later, towards the end after finding more of the clues so that they were learning along the way with us!! the end was so rushed in my opinion like travis had been hunting silas for 6 years and never found him, but with laura and ryan they just stumbled across him?! and put all the clues together like that?! so weird to me. also the hag of hacketts quarry loved her - but it just was like so weird - you have werewolves and a silas’s ghost mum hanging abt. she was a good inclusion - as it ties in to the tarot cut scenes, but idk just felt a bit unnecessary - as in my opinion it doesn’t further the plot too much and she’s just there for more jump scares.

and it felt like more of a film than a game yk?? also it was kinda janky looking like their necks moved freakishly lol

anywhooo loved the whole gang and i managed to keep everyone -playable- alive YIPPEE!! BUTTTT what rlly annoyed me was that even tho i got alllll the evidence the gang was arrested, yeah they were let out but wtff?!

tbh i’m gonna try and play again and get all the clues!! if you have any opinions that differ pls share id love to hear <3

[lycan-troth]

I'm so confused by the asexual spectrum, and I mean that respectfully. There's so many variations that I can't keep up with them. I've tried to understand what they are, but I've not been able to find anything that explains them simply and clearly.

Before ppl get mad or offended... I'm saying this bcs I think I could be on the spectrum, but bcs it's so confusing, I can't tell if I am or not. I just want to see simple explanations, but I can't wrap my head around all the different versions. So, I was hoping someone knowledgeable on the subject could suggest what I could be? I'm lesbian and she/they, so I understand those parts of my identity, just for some subtext. I'm just stumbling on how I (don't) experience attraction.

So, I'm 22, and I have no experience with intimacy or romance. Though, that's mainly bcs I haven't had the opportunities. I'd never be intimate with a stranger or a friend. I've only been in love once. I've only felt significant attraction to maybe 4 or 5 people? I usually catch myself trying to see if I find anyone attractive, and it often feels forced bcs the high majority of ppl I see are not attractive to me. I observe ppl, trying to find elements of them that might spark something in me, but nothing happens. I've tried to force crushes on myself before, and it just feels desperate and lonely. I feel no genuine attraction. Just indifference. It bothers me. I want to feel attraction more often, but I don't.

A good thing is that I'm not someone who's usually considered attractive. I'm cute and innocent-like, but nothing more. I'm basically that one friend everyone assumes is innocent and kind like a kid, and no one decent is interested in that. And that's okay, bcs I don't find anyone around me attractive, haha. It's just lonely. The few times I've been attracted to someone has always been really overwhelming for me. I've literally gone weak in the knees and almost fallen over bcs I saw a rlly attractive girl. But always, when I've felt attraction, I've also been afraid. I've often joked to myself that if i feel intimidated by a girl and she hasn't done anything to warrant that response, then she's just really pretty.

I have never approached anyone I've found very attractive bcs it just seems rlly weird to me. Plus, I always don't know them, or they're seeing someone, and I'm always an anxious wreck. In general, I can not recognise flirting or subtle things. I'm autistic and while my social skills aren't bad, they only go so far, lol. So, maybe someone has tried flirting before, and I just thought they were being nice? That's why I don't do subtle. The ppl in my life know that I don't play games. If I have a problem with someone, I'd tell them. If I'm happy spending time with someone, I let them know. I tell a few ppl I love them, that's a big thing for me. I like directness, but I know lots of ppl struggle with it. However, for me, I need it to be able to understand the full picture properly. Idk why so many ppl like playing weird cat and mouse games. Someone said it was to be mysterious or to not show 'too much' interest. That to me is just stupid and childish. I get feeling scared of rejection, but I don't like it when ppl mess around. It's impolite to play with someone's feelings, making them question whether you like them or not. It just breeds insecurity and doubt. To me, it's unattractive and boring. It's not romantic. But that's just me, and I'm often enough the odd one out.

Anyway, it is not often I feel attraction. Ppl are usually boring. I have felt that a few ppl were cute during brief interactions, so if those continued, perhaps that sort of feeling could have developed. I'm open to marriage with the right person, but only if they're The One. I'd only date someone if I knew them well enough, but I'm not open to dating casually. I feel very intensely about most things, and I have been in love once. It was an online relationship. I loved her very much and only wanted her happiness and comfort. I hadn't meant to fall in love, and I'd never intended to have an online relationship. But I loved her, and that changed my mind. When she broke up with me, I accepted it and comforted her about it. I mentioned that I was sad about it, naturally, but I didn't say much more than that. I understood it was difficult and upsetting for her to break up, so I respected her decision and minimalised communicating the extent of how upset I felt. I did that because telling her wouldn't be a kindness or productive. It would only make her feel more upset and guilty. We're still friends. I always thought ppl were being dramatic when they said that first loves were devastating or sad. I loved and was loved in return, which makes the experience worth it. I hope to find love again, someday.

I like the idea of romance and comfort, but obtaining it isn't so simple. However, I refuse to settle for less than what I want. On the other hand: intimacy. I'm not upset that I've never done anything. Sure, in theory, I'd like to have a bit of experience, but I don't, and that's okay. My hand does the trick for me just fine, so I'm not frustrated at all. If I had a partner, in theory, I believe if I trusted them enough, we might do something together, but in reality? Idk, but I like the idea of it.

That's all I can think of to mention. So, if someone could make a suggestion or something, I'd appreciate it. Even if it's just to tell me that I'm not part of the asexual spectrum, and I'm just an introverted, anxious, autistic, lesbian who's suffering under the devastation that is other ppl's commitment issues. That'd be fine. I'm just feeling lost and would appreciate a kind word of reassurance.

[hayscodings]

how do you think the actions from 3x06 affect lana? i dont rlly remember much but the best person to ask felt like you.

This is an excellent question. I started a google doc not too long ago to jot down my observations on every Svetlana scene and only got as far as her first three episodes, so I've given this some thought. I actually hadn't watched the scene in 3x06 since I first picked up the show, as I always skip it, but I needed to rewatch it in order to draw conclusions about how it affected Svet and, while I was doing so, I noticed some interesting things.

First, I think it's curious that all it took to get Svetlana to the Milkovich house was a call from Terry saying "It's Terry. Send the Russian." As far as we know, the girls at the spa did not make house calls. Which begs the question, why did Terry have the power to have her sent over with just five words?

Second, how exactly did Svetlana get to the Milkovich house? As far as we know, she never owned a car. She also couldn't have taken the L because she shows up without a purse. Is the spa walking distance or did someone drive her over? If so, who? Why would the people running the spa cater to Terry in this way?

Third, it is very odd to me that Svetlana shows up without anything on her person— no jacket, no purse, no wallet, nothing. She's not even wearing clothes with pockets where she could be carrying any personal belongings. Terry makes one quick phone call and there she is at his doorstep a few minutes later, heavily made-up in a short dress and very high heels. There's a metaphor to be made here about her not being her own person.

Which brings me to another point: Terry never calls Svetlana by her name. He frequents the spa enough to be able to summon Svetlana by just stating who he is over the phone, and he's been a client of Svetlana's before, yet he refers to her as "the Russian" on the phone and addresses her as "сука" (which means "bitch" in Russian) to her face. This could mean one of two things: (1) he either never bothered to learn her name; or (2) he knows her name but actively chooses not to call her by it. Both are equally dehumanizing in different ways.

Which leads me to wonder...what exactly was the dynamic between Svetlana and Terry like? We know he solicited her services (presumably) more than once, which suggests some sort of satisfaction with them, but we also know that he didn't believe that she was worth more than "a couple of bucks". As I mentioned before, he also never calls Svetlana by name, and at no point do we see him act particularly warmly towards her. Yet he specifically requests her when he calls the spa...why is that?

Perhaps the most interesting observation I made while rewatching this scene though, is that Svetlana never utters a word in it. Not to greet Terry at the door, not to ask him what she was called over for— nothing. There are no pleasantries exchanged between them. She doesn't so much as nod when he gives her his orders. This suggests that she knows how he works, knows that he doesn't consider her anything more than just some hand-whore, and I don't think it's a stretch to assume that she is probably scared of him. Everything about the way that Terry approaches the situation indicates that he does not view Svetlana as a person, but rather as a commodity— to use, to exploit, to rent as he pleases. And Svetlana acts accordingly.

From the moment she walks into that house she looks completely dead-eyed. The only time she looks anything other than 100% emotionally checked out is when she's looking between Ian and Mickey, taking stock of their injuries and piecing together the severity of the situation that she has just been dragged into. She knows Terry is responsible for what's happening, she can see that he has a gun, and she knows better than to protest or try and leave. The most accurate word I can think of to describe the way that she approaches the situation is: clinically. She looks completely detached.

Now, I know that deleted scenes aren't canon but I want to bring up the deleted scene where Ian goes to visit Svetlana at the spa for just a moment. In the scene, Svetlana tells Ian, "Your face looks familiar." She recognizes him enough to know that she's seen his face before, but she can't place why or from where. And while this might seem impossible given how horrifying that entire situation was, or even odd given that she clearly took note of Ian in that scene, it actually makes a lot of sense and clues us into how Svetlana coped with the situation: by suppressing it.

Back when the show was airing, Isidora said in an interview, "At the end up the day she is a victim of that event as well, and is traumatized in her own way." I think a lot of people assume that Svetlana wasn't affected by the situation because she never says or does anything to indicate that she was, but that's the thing— she never acknowledges it at all. Just like she tries not to acknowledge her father's abuse, doesn't stand up for herself when Kev refers to her having sex with Yvon as 'cheating' (he was threatening her— it wasn't consensual), and doesn't let is show that Kev and V pushing her around is actually getting to her until she finally reaches her breaking point and can no longer hold it in.

Svetlana copes by pretending that her trauma doesn't exist. She suppresses it, she ignores it, she compartmentalizes. And when someone brings it up, she either brushes it aside or attempts to downplay it. When Kev asks her if her father ever sexually abused her, she gets up and walks away. Then in a following scene she casually confirms that he did, as if it's no big deal.

She doesn't make a big deal of her trauma because she so badly needs it not be. Calling a spade a spade would mean actually having to face what she's been through, and she doesn't want to do that. It's easier for her to claim that her father "had good qualities too", and to respond to other people acknowledging the abuse that he subjected her to by correcting them on meaningless details ("it was three-hundred dollars", "it was potato sack"), than it is for her to confront the truth. Because deep down she knows that, if she does, she is not going to be okay. And she needs to be okay.

She needs to be okay because she is poor and she is undocumented and she has a child to take care of. She needs to be okay because she can't afford to not be. Because, if she's not, then where does she go from there? How does she manage to get up every morning? What happened in 3x06 was awful, but people need to keep in mind that that day was not so out of the ordinary for Svetlana. She was sold into sexual slavery when she was just ten years old, was being abused by her father before that, was married to an abusive man who used her for sex sometime during her teens, and probably dealt with her fair share of violent clients at the spa. She's been raped many times over.

It's hard to say, in so many words, how all of this has affected her, because, the truth is, I think there is precious little about Svetlana's personality, and everything that she does, that isn't a direct result of her trauma. Her hyper self-reliance, her inability to ask for help or lean on other people, the way that she grounds all of her decisions on practical bases forsaking any potential hurt feelings, the difficulty she has comprehending others peoples' emotional appeals, her need for security and some semblance of a functioning family, her willingness to forgive any wrong, the way that she accepts mistreatment from people she cares about, and, most notably, the way that she lives her life in survival mode even when she no longer has to. All of these things can be tied to her trauma.

It's easy to look at Svetlana, see how mature and responsible and put-together she is, and assume that she is okay. But, in actuality, all of the things that paint the picture of her being okay are indicators that she is very much not. It just so happens that the manner in which she chooses to cope presents itself in a way that makes her seem extremely high-functioning. But just because she isn't turning to a bottle to get through the day, or going on benders, doesn't mean that she isn't hurting. She is. And what's sad is that the fact that her suffering is so subtle and quiet actually works against her, because nobody ever sees her pain. They just assume that she's fine.

So if she's not asking for help or sympathy, and no one is offering her any, well...

[veintrry]

heart to heart.

wanderer x gn!reader. slight angst, death mentions, sugar-rotting fluff, romance, couples being couples, they have known each other for a long time, wanderer is referred to as kuni by reader, he's bad at expressing his emotions directly but he tries. possibly ooc? but he's just rlly in love imo

an: HAPPY VALENTINE!!! i had to make the hard choice of denying angst on vday. it's okay, i sprinkled some in. also ofc, inspired

The last thing Wanderer was skilled at was romance. That by no means meant he was clueless, he has existed long enough to see what is considered love and what isn't change. He's gotten to witness these social displays of affection and yet, he never understood where they stem from. It turns out, the answer was beyond words. Lucky for him, he was always better at acting on his emotions.

There was no reason for anyone to explain Valentines day. Everyone knew it, everyone. In fact, so many did that Wanderer was beginning to think there is a specific disease that spreads and makes everyone lovesick on this specific day. I mean, really, a day to spoil your loved one? The thing that is astounding to him wasn't it having a day, but rather the fact it was only one day like this isn't meant to be something you do every day.

If you only display such things on this day only without shame then that just seems depressing. Don't get him wrong, he wasn't the kind to go grabbing your hands, or to give you an obnoxiously large gift for everyone and you to witness, but he knows you liked small things, like walking particularly close to him, staying beneath his hat, your fingers grazing each others as you walked, teasing him till he clutches your hand, scoffing at your behaviour. But you knew he liked it; You knew he liked you.

But, I guess this is a proper day for him to reflect, right? To look back on everything?

-

You two were very different people, that has always been evident, but similar to now, you two found an odd connection, though it was hard to discover. He wasn't exactly the easiest to get along with, he knows that, but you stuck around. You stuck around and bothered him. You're still here to do that now. Why? He doesn't know. But he feels it.

You were just someone who wanderers about from time to time outside of your average life. If you could escape the normalcy and routine of life, you did, that's what lead you to him. To your endless days of a new kind of life, one that doesn't pass with time, because such a thing is erased with the existence of one another.

Conversation was awkward at first, only because he would be so reluctant to answer you, and yet you'd patiently stare at him. You aren't an idiot, you weren't oblivious to how harsh he'd be, how he'd push you away, but you'd like to believe you are someone who persists in things that are good. And to you, he felt wonderful.

So, he eased up on you. He didn't regret it, no, not one bit. He started waiting for you, expecting you, recognising the sound of your footsteps. Warmth had become a foreign thing to him, till your embrace became more prominent. Each day, he'd hear the rushing steps of your genta's hitting the ground, he turns to you, he sees your smile, and you pull him in. He always sighed, pretending to be annoyed, commenting about how affectionate you are; Did you miss him that much? ..Did you?

He only ever asked you that once. What he expected was you brushing it off, but you admitted it outright. "I feel lost when I'm not with you." Those words stuck with him, and on that moment he felt something in particular. He had become accustomed to you, understanding his emotions from previous experiences, but this felt different, like an awakening, as if, somehow, in some way, this foggy path of life had been cleared up. You were the one still thing in it, you weren't something he passed by on this path, you weren't his end destination, you were someone who came along the way, and he hoped you'd be there to the end.

The end? Right. You're a mortal. 'The end'? Seriously, what's wrong with him? Ha. So stupid. Stupid.

You'd die before then.

He told you, what he is. You treat him like any normal human being. But, you never bring up death. It's something he knows to avoid with you. It contrasts you, it's cold, deathly cold, much like him. He shouldn't dwell, you wouldn't like that. Still, how can he help it? He loves you. How is he meant to accept that not only will he lose you, but he will have to live with that forever, for eternity. You are his eternity, you make him feel like he can last forever, like another hundred years won't hurt, like a thousand years is nothing. How can he do it without you?

...

You two linked together perfectly, you were rough around the edges, but when you clicked the snap only proved the realisation that dawned upon you two; this sense of completion.

If he doesn't have you, who's going to -

"Kuni!" Oh. Have you come, to break him from his slumber once more?

Your voice is cheery as always, it reminds him how he had to adjust to your greetings before. Maybe he never realised you sounded like that because of him.

He knew you'd come to him, hence why he remained in your teapots realm, strolling around the garden, freshly grown plump fruits, bushes with roses and prickly thorns. You really gave life to everything around you. The trees stretched towards the sky, their branches sprouting like the patterns of their winter leaves. This realm was beyond time, the weather could change with a mere flick of a finger, and yet you chose to stay true to the world outside, choosing to live day by day abiding by these rules. You must like knowing how much time you two spend together with the seasons passing. Wanderer turns his head to you, watching as you run up to him, that same old smile still stuck to your face after all these years. His arm outstretched as his fingers graze the petals of the pure white flowers from the dogwood tree.

Your arms wrap around his right one, pulling him closer, and he can feel your body heat. It reassures him. "Were you just wandering here? You looked deep in thought." Offering you a small smile, he hums. Only you got to see such an unconditionally genuine appearance such as this, his gaze brimming with love that transcends words. You could tell he was particularly happy today, very happy. "Did I now?"

"You did!" God, how much he likes you.

"I was just...thinking of something, that's all." He plucks one of the flowers by its stem. To tell you his thoughts, to expose himself to you. You know he cares, but he's better at showing his love in ways other than words. "Don't make it a secret." An exasperated sigh leaves him, scolding you, "You're so impatient." Turning to you, his hand reaches behind your ear, tucking the flower inbetween the strands of your hairs.

"It was you." He reaches for one of your hands, holding it in his palm as he inches closer to you.

Kissing the top of your hand, his eyes never breaking away from yours as the leaves surround the both of you, the winds swaying your hair lightly, and life seems much more simpler when he knows you're there with him.

"Just you."

Who wouldn't want to do this every day?

[plumspider]

Okay so this whole thing is me ranting and summarising all the stuff I’ve been through this year :)

I feel like I do have mother issues but they’re different to everyone else’s and I can never find anything talking about it that I actually relate to and that kinda makes me feel like I’m being dramatic.

I love my mum and she loves me too. I think. But she doesn’t always like me. And I don’t always like her. I feel like she just makes stuff up that I’ve done and is just mad at me for no reason. At some point she got it into her head that I am unhelpful and rude and now that is what she tells me whenever I do anything ever. She always talks about my tone, which btw only started once I told her that in RSHE I was learning about how teenagers can’t control their tone, and I think she’s harder on me than my siblings. Sometimes she’s right, sometimes I am a bit rude or unhelpful - but I do everything I am asked to do, it’s not my fault that no one likes doing chores so I don’t just get up and start doing shit, if you want me to do something maybe just ask? - but also I am a teenager, I am trying but a lot is happening in my life and also her standards are a lot higher/different to those of people at school so it’s hard to adjust.

Everyone always says I’m like her, “you clash sometimes because you’re so similar” and they mean it in the ‘stubborn’ and ‘always right’ way. Which I get because she is my mother and I am like that sometimes and so is she. But I don’t want to be her. And i think that the fact that we are so similar is a shitty excuse for us not working well together and that really that should be a reason for why she is less hard on me. Because why are you having a go at me for something you do too.

And she switches so much. I think I’d actually prefer it if she was always a bitch to me. But instead we will have the best day ever and then the next day she’ll hate me. She can be buying me stuff and we’ll be having a nice conversation and then a few hours later I say one thing wrong and get lectured

“You’re so rude, so unhelpful, the way you act around us makes us feel like you hate us, you always speak with such a rude tone” I AM 14 YEARS OLD. “You don’t take it under consideration how we feel, how this makes us feel” “it makes me sad when you respond with noises” okay fair enough but maybe I’m having a shit day. Maybe I’d like to feel normal talking to my parents about my feelings. It’s not completely your fault I don’t think but some people feel comfortable talking about anything with their parents and I am here being someone who only ever cries in front of her parents when someone dies. I barely ever cry. I get that feeling like I need to where my head builds up with pressure and hurts so bad but I just can’t let it out. Maybe I would’ve liked to talk to you guys about it when my friendship group went to shit and I was affected so deeply by something crazy bad and maybe I would’ve liked to feel like you wouldn’t judge me or idk make some comment or maybe I’d like to feel more comfortable talking about that stuff.

Before I got my current friends I never rlly liked my friends or didn’t feel comfortable talking about real shit with them. In April a lot happened. I felt more comfortable with my friends than I ever had before. Even though occasionally I thought certain things were odd and I didn’t like it. But I looked past it because I want one of those friendships where we are so incredibly close and love eachother SO MUCH.

Sad rant crazy friendship group paragraph coming (tw uhhh a lot of stuff):

Then my best friend - who idk what our situation was , apparently they were gonna ask me out on my bday, but instead the day after my bday they went around to this other friends house and fucked them so I’m not sure 😭 - fucked another ‘friend’ (who I never rlly liked tbh) and that other friend was then cheating on their gf who was also our friend but also aside from that they were also necrophiliac furrys who cut themselves together like a weird ass fucking ritual (not even in a sad way, like they did it for funsies) and found gore and dead shit hot. And that kinda fucked up everything but on the other hand that made the friendship group I have now which I am so grateful for but like omfg what the hell was that whole situation.

Edit: I typed this earlier and I think I was gonna add more but I had to go to karate and I kinda lost my train of thought (is that the saying?) so I’m just gonna post it now. Sorry for the randomness and trauma dumping 😭

Also isn’t it odd that I find it more comforting talking to a bunch of strangers on the internet who don’t even know my name about my emotions over taking to my parents about it. I also talk to my friends about it but Yk I just like to rant.

Also I feel like I might have some minor trust issues.

[officialtayley]

i’m so sorry but this will be long. no offence to the anon that said this, i’m just kinda using it as something to spring my pov from but: i kinda hate the notion that you shouldnt count past “love” songs which are about chad (like siy, toe, proof etc) as love songs just because hayley wasn’t in the best place when she wrote them and/or they’re not as meaningful as the ones she has since written about taylor.

again, no shade to anon, this just made me want to speak about what i see on a wider scale. of course hayley and chad had a shitty relationship, he pretty much groomed her, cheated on her and from what we know abused her at least mentally. he was a horrible person and an even worse partner, we know that much is true. however, i think sometimes people can be really dismissive of hayley’s very real feelings and love that she clearly felt for chad at the time and that makes me a little bit mad sometimes. she was with the guy for 10 years, she wasn’t secretly hoping he was taylor throughout their entire relationship and to say that she was is again, dismissive and a bit disrespectful i feel? one thing we know for sure about hayley is she is loyal as fuck and she wants to fight through tough times, she wouldn’t have done all of that if she never really loved chad.

of course, her love for taylor is deeper and has more history and meaning but it’s not right to invalidate her past feelings. she doesn’t mean siy, toe etc in the same way anymore but at one point or another they meant a lot to her and they still probably do, just in a completely different way now. i know we all hate chad but please just bare in mind that hayley is a real person, she isn’t just a tayley content machine lmao, her love for chad was very real once upon a time and we don’t need to rewrite history about their past songs. two things can be true: 1. SIY and TOE are love songs about chad 2. chad is a horrible person but was still a very important figure in hayley’s life in the past for both positive (in some ways i’m sure) and extremely negative reasons.

mhm. like no matter what they are love songs and always will be, they're more darker/negative but there's still positivity in most of them (pool is tbh debatable cause she rlly did force herself to write that after everything so while it's a love song it's a bit... odd to also call it one). but yeah she prob was not wishing he was taylor for 10 years like that would've been weird 😭 but idk... i don't think fighting thru tough times means she really loved him like for ALL those years, and im just basing that off how she's spoken about feeling trapped, the shame of how they got into their relationship, failed marriages also making her want to stay so she didn't feel like a failure, and one interview iirc she said she knew very early on it wasn't a good relationship/wanted out, that also doesn't mean there was never real love there cause there obviously was for sure! but yeah.

she isn't a tayley content machine and ppl should be more respectful, i get you cause i've seen it on a wider scale too and i think sometimes i can catch myself thinking that way, but i think sometimes people let the hatred for chad sort of get in the way of everything.

[almightyhamslice]

So I recently found out some INSANE INFORMATION ABOUT PROTOTYPE VULCAIN and lets just say that changed my entire perspective on anthro Vulcain and now he's a whole new man. Tbf, I haven’t posted much of him here now that I think abt it... so it probably doesn’t feel like much of a departure or difference unless you’ve seen my posts regarding him on like, my discord server lol. 

the gist of the discovery regarding proto-Vulcain is that he was meant to be SECTOR X’S boss, and therefore would NOT have been adapted to Solar or even had any trace of fire/lava in his original design. Coincidentally, a headcanon I have for anthro Vulcain is that he has a ‘cold’ state and a ‘hot’ state, and his peers have to actively keep him ‘cold’ or he’ll revert back to monster form. So, with this revelation of Vulcain’s old design, I jumped at the opportunity to use it as his ‘cold’ state design! so his previous design is now simply his ‘hot’ state!

Things to know about anthro Vulcain! He likes to think of himself as the ‘leader’ of the bioweapon ‘squad’. He really likes attention, so tries to make himself seem larger to others. Easy to do, since he’s already burly. He’s absolutely STOKED to have legs, as he never had them back on Solar. Though, he really ought to be careful with them-- they’re bionic, so if he overheats, he might melt them by mistake. Of course, that’d make him angrier, which could aggravate his condition even more... just generally a bad situation. Vulcain can be very hot-headed and doesn’t like being challenged, so it’s best to carry a bucket of ice or water with you if you plan on telling him anything he doesn’t want to hear.

him being made of... flesh... and not appearing as if he’s made of lava... has resulted in him being able to bond more closely with his peers! Especially Goras, who feels that they have more in common than he initially expected! This makes Bacoon incredibly jealous because now SHE’S the odd one out, being the only aquatic bioweapon.

The name ‘Sanga’ comes from the JPN version of SF64! He MIGHT be named after Frederick Sanger (therefore his JPN name is listed as ‘Sanger’ on Arwingpedia) but I’m not actually positive of that-- I don’t know if it’s been confirmed if that’s who/what he’s named after for sure. Granga doesn’t like Vulcain’s alternate name because it sounds too similar to his own. LOL.

tbh I should rlly set a timeline for my anthro bioweapons. I generally write them like they’re Geneva’s weird experiments/projects, but Geneva’s rlly only active POST Lylat War... so really Shawn Warren and Vulcain shouldn’t be able to interact. TOO BAD I kinda just felt like Drawing Shawn so here he is. Perhaps R.S. Duke woulda been better in context but its TOO LATE NOW LOL.

idk, ideally all the funnee talking bosses would survive but like, I’m sorry, there’s NO WAY some of these mfs lived after their respective boss fights!! Like I think Galaxicos and Armando survived but that’s already RLLY pushing it/stretching (my explanation is that Galaxicos used an escape pod after his defeat & that Armando was able to survive the Attack Carrier crashing, but just BARELY, so he’s rlly injured afterwards). The end results of the Mechbeth, Shogun, and Sarumarine fights seem pretty damn fatal if you ask me.

[aehno]

Duckman Episode Reviews/Analysis: S1 Episode 3: "Gripes Of Wrath"

On my first viewing, this was one of my least favorite season 1 episodes, but on a rewatch.... well, I'll get to that later.

Summary:

The twins want to see some high tech super computer but Duckman wants to go see some bitches in bikinis, Bernice obviously forces him to take the kids to see the computer, and while there he makes an offhanded remark about "how can they put a man on the moon but not make a deoderant that doesn't last past noon" or something along those lines, which the super computer overhears.

When Duckman and his kids return home, Ajax reveals that Duckman took them to see the bikini bitches just after the robot thing and Charles and Mambo are angry with him for embarassing them at the museum. Then they see some report on TV about that supercomputer they just visited gaining sentience because of Duckman's offhand remark that it overheard, and deciding to take over the world and fix everyone's problems for them.

Duckman is initially locked up for making it do this but then released due to the computer, Loretta,'s orders, and sees that the world has become a literal paradise. Cornfed has a stupid hot gf now, Bernice is suddenly nice to Duckman because the computer wants people to attend to each other's needs, Ajax is, absurdly, an honor roll student despite it having only been one day.

But of course paradise does not last, and after 1 commercial break we see the world has fallen into chaos, and it's never really explained in the episode why, but the wiki mentions that people "no longer felt the need to better themselves" in the perfect world. We don't see it fall into chaos; it just does.

Duckman gets in trouble again, is sent to see the computer again, which has decided to destroy the society it has created, and Charles and Mambo show up to get its creator's autograph, unaware that it's just projecting a hologram of him to talk to people and has murderous intent. Duckman throws a couple logical fallacies at it and it explodes out of indecisiveness and the world is saved. The twins remark how in an imperfect society, people want to improve the world, while in a perfect society, there is nothing to improve, and thus human nature suggests that being imperfect is more perfect than perfect, and Duckman asks if that logic could be applied to parenting as well, which they seemed to sort of agree with. The episode then pans out to the "normal" world, which is loaded with chaos on every corner.

Thoughts:

Not as bad as I remember it being, and still one of the better episodes when we look at the big picture for this series. The animation budget seems a bit lower for this one than others, with some shots feeling kind of cropped. Not a super big deal, just the crew being strategic with the budget for this show. I know other s1 episodes definitely are more intensive in that department.

Never mentioned how impressive the animation in the first two episodes were so there you go. It's impressive, the art direction also is just phenomenal in this series.

This is a decently funny episode, with some very memorable and quotable moments. A couple jokes I found kind of odd in their direction (the different choices lead to different paths thing was a little odd and I never rlly liked it. Assuming it's a reference to some pop culture thing I'm too young and stupid to understand.)

I think I confused this one with a different episode that involves their house getting renovated with some super machine or something and they end up getting locked in the basement? I don't remember. I just know I didn't really like that basement episode much but hey maybe it's alright. I'm enjoying these episodes on my re-watch so far, to be honest. They hold up surprisingly well!

Analysis:

The messaging is a little weird. I get what it's trying to say and there's no specific political stance it takes as the focus is simply on the general and wider idea of "utopia." Which I can appreciate. This is far from the worst episode when it comes to "messaging" though. Like, yeah, I guess in a utopia there's no bettering yourself anymore so people go insane? I guess the general idea of "people are inherently corrupt so things will inevitably go wrong in what initially appears to be a perfect world" is compelling, and this episode certainly touches on these ideas, but it feels more like an establishment of them rather than a proper exploration.

Wouldn't say it really sets up much that's interesting in terms of characterization. Duckman cares about his sons so he protects them from that evil robot, Loretta, though him caring about his kids isn't a new thing for him really. Cornfed is secretly kind of horny, but as we see from him in a later episode (Psyche) he is actually a virgin and a gentleman who never acts on his urges. Ajax is a secret prodigy??? lol.

I think this was one of the better episodes for Bernice. I hated (on my first viewing) how little we really get to see from her but in this one her personality actually felt like, more nuanced than it is? She makes valid points when scolding Duckman, though later she conforms to Loretta which is a little odd of her but whatever it's for a gag and her characterization can be a little loose for that sake. I think it's meant to follow the line of "I'm doing what's best" which is her primary THING so it works here, plus she drops the conformist to Loretta act and seems to revert back to her regular, mean-spirited self when roleplaying "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolfe" with Duckman later in the episode.

I like her when she's meant to be this mean-spirited but somewhat correct straight man-ish role that's just a little too unlikeable to really consider a straight man character. She's kind of like Chuck from Better Call Saul to me- not a bad person; just kind of an asshole. Clearly not someone the audience is meant to like; they seem to be meant to be charmed by the little sleazy douche of a protagonist instead.

Her existence in the cast is a very necessary one; someone needs to be there to call out Duckman for his misbehavior and have power over him so he doesn't come off as too much of a threat to himself and others (although he is) and so the audience can have some reinforcement on the fact that, no, he is not a good person. She voices the opinions that certain audience members might have, as well, and we are reminded that she is generally in the right most of the time (though not always). All this while also making us dislike her for how far she goes to mistreat him, so we can still root for him at the same time. So she plays a very necessary role for this type of series in my opinion.

I just feel like besides "wanting to be a mother" or "secretly possibly being in love with Duckman" she doesn't really do much outside of her designated role, and with the exceptions of maybe Ajax, some of the one off characters and obviously the man myth and legend himself, Cornfed, I think I could say that applies to most of the cast.. like Charles and Mambo; this is one of their episodes and they are barely even in it. Which is kind of a shame but at the same time I feel like narratively something could be done with a seemingly one=dimensional cast combined with the most complex character in it being the protagonist/pov character who is a self-absorbed little bitch who also happens to feel remorse over his bad life choices, which includes how he chooses his own vices over his loved ones most of the time... just saying!

(Narrative framing is my bitch and I make love to it every night)

That's all.

Onto episode 4 next, whenever that may be :)

[whywereuborn]

sorry i wasn't active for a few days (not that anyone actually reads these except me😭) but i didn't log anything because i didn't have anything going on for a few days. anyways, i went to Disneyland yesterday w a friend (just us) and ive never gone w out my parents or someone older i can rely on so there was a lot of pressure. i had so much fun and achieved everything i wanted to achieve yesterday but i feel this sense of guilt towards myself and incompletion just because somethings didn't happen exactly how i wanted them to. we got lost at some point and spent so much time trying to find a place to eat and we still did everything we wanted to do in the time we had but i feel like i wasted so much time for some reason and i feel so guilty about it. also its not the same as it used to be like now im the one that has to worry about time and weather as well as my spending. ik that's just normal people things but i very suddenly went from being a very dependent person to being completely independent in the span of one random day. also i love Disneysea but ive only ever gone w a select 3 people in my entire life so it felt odd being w a new person and i felt different which i rlly didn't like. i really enjoyed the jazz show bc i love jazz so much but the person next to me was snoring... the rides were also a lot of fun but another thing that was different than usual was that a ride i was rlly looking forward to (Sinbad's storybook voyage) was under construction!!! i hate when things are different esp when i dont know its gonna be different. i sound like such a negative Nancy but i rlly had a good time js that everything was different and i hate change so much.

so unrelated but i was thinking on the train about the difference in slang within generations and i realized a lot of millenial slang puts things in a permanent position like when ppl say bff (best friends forever) but genz slang tends to be more impermanent and in a fugatios manner like switching from bff to bsf or ____ of the summer. partially i think it has to do with how so much of society and status is controlled by micro trends but i dont know why gen z is much more willing to sequester themselves their peers. maybe it has to do with how quarantine isolation changed peoples philosophies and overall perception of the world but idk.