#i need to steal this guy's gender

[surreal-duck]

sound of metal pipe clattering in the distance

[the-orion-inexpirience]

Hello black butler fandom,, 👋👋👋👋

I am! ✨Fashionably late ✨ HOWEVER-

I am here now to pledge my loyalty to the hottest woman alive, Grell Sutcliff 😌❤️✨

[suffarustuffaru]

niche rezero side character trellock (The gustekan shapeshifter serial killer of all time) is so fascinating for a character who was briefly on screen then disappeared into the wings in an instant. trellock wants humanity and tangible identity to fill in that gaping emptiness that is the entity known as “trellock” and the fact that we know next to nothing about trellock and how they’ve appeared or turned out this way kind of hammers it in. they are nothing except their warped personality amalgamated and frankensteined out of their tiny little trail of stolen identities fighting in a desolate snowy nation like everyone else in it. they simultaneously look down on humanity but they want to be human so badly they wander about and yank onto the nearest human that catches their eye and steal their name, their body, their personality. and then they play pretend at being human like making a mannequin come to life and expecting it to do tricks. trellock is simultaneously like an addict looking for their next high and a child screaming about how badly they want someone else’s toy. they put a self-imposed rule of killing the people they steal and ripping their faces off as if to prove that they’ve truly won over their victims, as if they’ve tied up lose ends and that identity is theirs for the taking now, but then they break their own damn rule after failing to kill someone because they need to have their cake. they cant let it get away. but trellock looks down on humanity because there is something barren and rotten with them and if they didnt look down on humanity and everyone around them then theyd have to face their own hollowness and inferiority. this is why they’re always yearning to be anyone they want to be by trampling on other people’s corpses. everyone suffers in gusteko. everyone is searching for humanity and losing it in gusteko. trellock never exactly had it in the first place, not in the same way as most other people, but they think they can be better at acting as everyone they steal while they run from everything they’ve always lacked. imagine you are trellock and you long for something everyone else has but the world has already stolen it from them as they grew up but it’s like you popped into existence without it at all so you’re trying to pick at the remains like a vulture and then melt the carcass into your new and totally improved self that definitely won’t just keep doing this until you die.

anyway i think if trellock discovered fursuits and theatre theyd be way healthier. they simply have gray hair and pronouns !!!

[eveistdiepommes]

He’s literally so gender….

[lowestechelonabomination]

WHY AM I GETTING SO MUCH GENDER ENVY FROM A GUY 2 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME

[spikedru]

love looking at vampire images

[seahdalune]

i should rewatch all the Toonami TIEs. TOM my beloved <3

[wolviensabes]

NSFW Alphabet: Wolverine

a/n: I was excited to write a nsfw version of this because his character was surprisingly fun and easy to write for this. I like Logan because you can really be flexible with how he is in bed. It all depends on preference and writer ofc, but still it was fun to write. Wrote mostly gender neutral, on parts where body is described, I wrote for afab and amab. Not edited please ignore mistakes ty <3

18+ under the cut. MDNI.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex):

Aftercare king.

He knows just what to do, especially since sex with him is normally pretty rough and crazy. He leaves you a mess under him and you're barely able to walk. "Atta girl/boy, princess/prince, up you come." he grabs hold of you and lifts you up, carrying you to the bathroom to get you all clean.

He's a messy partner so you need a shower to get all the sex off you. He leaves you alone to do anything you need privately, but otherwise he's helping you maintain your balance in the shower and drying off.

You're in such a dazed state, you feel dizzy and lightheaded, still a little loopy. He will get you back to bed and lay you down, feeling pride and satisfaction within himself at how he could bring you to such a state. Only he could do that to you.

He will hold you close to him, you feel cold now, his body will warm you up. He likes skin to skin, so unless you want a shirt, he won't dress you so he can feel your softer skin against his own.

The praise he gives you makes you feel so special and worth so much, it helps when you come down from your high, knowing he was satisfied and loved every moment of the act.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

I don't think he really has a favorite part of his partner, but I will die on the hill that he likes his partners a little chunky. He loves to grab onto you, he likes how he can manhandle you without worry of hurting you.

Those plush hips and belly drive him insane. If you are afab, your ass draws his hand in every single time and he loves to smack and grab it. If you are amab, he will grab onto your thighs or soft, relaxed chest muscles and squeeze them. Both afab and amab, his hands come around from behind and gently knead your belly.

Logan is a dude so on himself...he holds his manhood very high, and for good reason.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically):

Filthy.

He gets that shit all over the place and he loves it.

He loves marking you inside and out. He loves shooting his spunk on your body just as much but something about releasing inside you makes him somehow cum harder and with more.

He's not that bad taste wise, I mean cum doesn't taste great, but he's not bad. Not too bitter, not too salty, but his cum is thick. And when he does climax, he cums a LOT.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

Logan, being a primal mutant, loves scents. It's one of the things that he relies on a lot, and your scent is intoxicating. He steals some of your clothes and smells them, or sometimes he will dive into your crotch and inhale you.

Not exactly dirty, but Logan secretly likes when you scratch his head or mess with his hair after sex. He likes to keep himself up as a tough guy most of the time but when you wind down, even if he's the one holding you, he sometimes scoots down enough to let you play with his hair.

He will move his head where he wants your hand to scratch and leans into it when you reach that sweet spot.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?):

He's over 200 years old, he's got experience.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying):

Literally anything where he can watch you mewl and moan for him.

He also likes from behind or positions where he can watch his cock sink into you with each thrust.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.):

Logan isn't goofy but he also isn't serious. He's open to messing around and with tossing, turning, all sorts of play, it's not going to be serious 100% of the time.

He will chuckle and tease, sometimes funny noises are made, that's just how it is, and you both will laugh a little...but then you get back to it because who can resist?

Sometimes he will play fight you, wrestle you down to the bed and hold you there, with ease, and he smirks down at you trying to overpower him. It's a fun way to rile him up for sex and he enjoys it quite a bit.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.):

Logan is hairy, but not insanely so. I think below he is pretty crazy but he trims it down enough once you two get more intimate. Though he thought it was funny watching you spit out his pubes.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect):

He can be romantic but he is more passionate than anything. He likes to make sure you feel good, and he loves doing it. Once he gets you feeling good, he gets a little more rough and tells you what he likes without shame.

He's very forward, and his communication in the bedroom is immaculate. You wished he were like that outside of the bedroom sometimes, because there's no hesitation, no secrets, he's fully confident and tells you exactly what he wants.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon):

Sometimes he masturbates, sometimes he doesn't. It all depends on how horny he is in the moment.

He'll fist his cock to the thought of you, or since he likes your scent a lot, he will practically inhale your underwear and jerk himself until he cums all over his hand.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks):

Logan...he's kinky as hell.

Dom/sub dynamics drive him up the wall. He loves being in control, manhandling you, having you listen to what he says without fail.

Slight primal play would be up his alley. The playful wrestling and fighting gets him going and he likes to bite and mark you up during sex. Almost looking like an animal attacked you, but no, it was just Logan marking you as his.

Dirty talk king. He is so brazen with his language, whispering it into your ear as he pounds your poor, swollen hole full of another load.

Praise, praise, praise! He loves to praise you and how good you take his thick cock inside you.

Overstimulation/denial, he loves the control. He often makes you cum multiple times before even penetrating you just to hear you cry and whimper for him.

Maybe a slight breeding kink, since he loves the idea of filling you up to the brim with his thick cum, (this goes regardless of afab or amab), he's going to fill you up regardless if it's biologically possible to impregnate you or not. It's just for fantasy anyway.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do):

He will do it anywhere he feels like. He doesn't care who sees. You're his and he likes everyone around you to know it.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going):

I love that most everyone agrees that wearing his clothes makes him fucking feral. He would lose it seeing you in a shirt of his...or maybe even naked and only wearing a flannel. Slowly unclasping each button to make him growl and almost rip the damn thing off you.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

He'd never want to hurt you. There are things he likes that might harm you but he doesn't actually want to cause you harm.

He can be rough and he doesn't want to actually hurt you. A spank or choking just enough to get you dizzy is about as far as he would go. Logan would never intentionally try to harm you, especially during something as intimate as sex.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.):

He has a hard time picking what he likes better. He loves diving between your legs and lapping you. But he also loves to see you choke around his thick cock.

Logan loves the dirtiness of it, his dick in your throat and watching you try your best to please him. He loves seeing you choke and gag on him, your face gets so sloppy with spit and cum, it makes him more crazy in bed when he's fucking you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.):

With Logan it can be 50/50. He can be rough and hard, or slower and passionate. Most of the time he is ensuring you cum multiple times, and then he fucks you into the bed while you cry around his cock. Then, he gives you another orgasm, he cums, and the cycle repeats until you literally can't take it anymore.

Then he cleans you up and makes sure you know how good you were for him. You'll have trouble walking for a few days.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.):

He's down for a quickie, he can make you cum fast when he wants to. However he does prefer to make you whine and beg instead of giving you a solid, quick orgasm unless you really need it.

Sometimes he needs a quick one too, so a fast blowjob helps. But again, he likes to take his time rather than rush it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.):

He takes plenty of risks. He loves to test the waters with you and experiment with all sorts of things. He's down to try almost anything.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?):

His mutation allows him to have enhanced stamina so be prepared for that.

He can go for literal hours and not be tired at all. His mutation also allows his refectory period to be very short. So...you will be filled to the brim.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?):

I don't think he would have any for himself, but he would start to grow a collection if you had any or showed interest in some. He'd keep them under his bed in his room whenever you wanted to spice things up.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):

Logan is the king of teasing you. He loves to tease until you can't take it and tears are rolling down your cheeks.

He always gives you what you want in the end, but not without that asshole making you beg.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.):

He doesn't give two shits who hears him, or you, he is loud. He grunts, groans, snarls. Not to mention the insane level of dirty talk he does, and he loves to make you scream out his name.

By the time you're done, you swear half the mansion heard you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character):

He dirty talks like crazy.

Sometimes he will fuck you when you're wearing his clothes, or when he comes back from a mission, he doesn't bother cleaning up before he storms up to your shared room and he fucks you.

Angry sexxx

He lets out his frustrations from missions as he pounds into you.

"Goddamn slim, stupid fuckin' self-designated leader thinks he can boss me around like I'm nothin' but a loyal scout to 'em." he grunts and snarls with each plap of his hips into you, his cock driving against you. You have no idea what happened on the mission but can you complain? No.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes):

Logan's dick is huge let's get that out of the way.

He's thick, it feels like he rips you open each time he penetrates you and it feels fucking incredible. That also means lots of foreplay~

He's veiny, his cock throbs as he stands erect, and his balls are heavy.

He's a good 8 to 8.5 inches fully erect, the damn thing leaks precum constantly when he's horny.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?):

Insanely high. He will fuck you every single day if he could.

He is down to fuck all the time, anytime. You just have to say the word and he's on top of you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):

Logan makes sure you're comfortable before he even attempts to sleep. He stays awake, letting you curl into him and he watches you, making sure nothing he did was too much or causing pain.

Once you seem okay and have fallen asleep, he will allow himself to relax and fall asleep beside you.

Thanks for reading.

*SNIKT*

Tag list: @strawberryshortcake20

Please let me know if you want to be added to the tag list by leaving a 🧡.

dividers by @/strangergraphics

[heartsforhavik]

will you write more parts for the yandere!fan fic? 🫣

stalker! yandere boy x gn! popstar reader (part 2)

what if you had two different yanderes pining for you?

✰ warnings: stalking, mentions of murder, regular yandere tendencies, gender neutral reader

✰ a/n: damn that first part did a lot better than i thought it would, thank you guys! so how about i bring in a second yandere… i’m naming this yandere victor, and the yandere in the first part is bayani. (btw the art below is by RIP2_)

part one (with bayani) right here! a third part is coming soon, featuring both bayani and victor when they realize they both are pining for you...

stalker! yandere boy that puts in more effort than superfan! yandere boy to catch your attention. bayani could never love you. he can barely even handle you looking at him, what makes you think he’s the right one for you? he’s just a lowly coward. victor is the one for you. he loves you so much. more than bayani.

stalker! yandere boy that doesn't care about your music. not one bit. because he loves you for you! who cares what your music sounds like? he doesn't care what genre it is, or if you even have a good voice or not. he'd be the best boyfriend for you because he treats you like an actual human, not just some singing machine. besides, he personally prefers metal. maybe he can listen to it with you when you get together! it sounds like a delightful date.

stalker! yandere boy that follows you around wherever you go. he tracks your travelling patterns, and visits whatever places you visit at the exact same time. whether you fly private, commercial, or even use a train or car. doesn't matter. he will follow you. where you go, he goes.

stalker! yandere boy that would go as far as to disguise himself as someone else in order to interact with you and gain your attention. you go eat at a restaurant? victor would kill a random waiter, steal their uniform, and take their place. you stay at a hotel? he's posing as room service and will steal your clothes and belongings tidy up your room! he'll even use the key to your room to walk in and watch you sleep at night. you just look so enchanting in your sleep, how can he resist? it's not wrong, he's just keeping you safe. he is the only one that can make sure you are happy and healthy. in victor's eyes, even the strongest bodyguard cannot keep you safe. you don't need anyone else. just him.

stalker! yandere boy that tries to catch your attention anytime he can. he needs you to notice him. he needs you to say something to him, talk to him, touch him, know him, acknowledge his existence. victor needs you to validate his existence in order to continue living. without you, what would he do? he cannot handle being away from you. he cannot handle being alone. don't leave him alone. don't leave him alone. don't leave him alone. he needs you.

stalker! yandere boy that gets jealous easily. you collab with another artist or you're seen holding hands with someone in public? he's spreading a fake rumor about whoever it is and ruining their life. you shouldn't be so stupid. why associate with someone else when you have him? why ditch him for someone else? he's right there. he can be better than them. who cares what they look or sound like? victor's so much better. he can show you how much better he is, if you give him a chance.

stalker! yandere boy that is so desperate for any kind of attention from you. it doesn't matter if it's positive or negative attention. he always plays it cool and acts all smug and calm when you notice him, but on the inside he is resisting the urge to grab you and run away from the world. all he wants is to have a peaceful, isolated life with you. away from the disgusting people in the world. you and victor can be happy together.

stalker! yandere boy that is incredibly clingy. you know you need him, right? he must be near you at all times. his presence keeps you alive and happy. you keep HIM happy. he needs you. you both need each other. if he can't see or feel your presence, he will go insane. that is why he travels anywhere you go. that is why he must go to each and every one of your concerts and meet-and-greets. you assumed he was just a big fan to be at every single event, but you just can't see that he loves you much more than just some fan.

stalker! yandere boy that just wants to be with you! let him be around you. let him completely obsess over you, touch you, love you, do whatever he wants to you. he won't hurt you! he just wants a little bit of freedom to say and do whatever he wants to you once you are together, so he can make sure you don't leave him. he will make you feel so good, so loved, so appreciated. nobody will ever love you more than he does.

but there may be someone that rivals his affections. a lowly, masochistic, scrawny pest that thinks he loves you more. victor will have to do something about it before your little superfan finally decides to man up and make a move on you.

[nobigsecrets]

So when Tommy gives Buck the tour of the 217, after having laid out the basics of the station, he proceeds to ask Buck why he's actually there. Not once, but twice and he's pretty blunt about it.

Tommy: Is that why you wanted the tour? Looking for a bad ass coffee mug?

Buck: Nah, I'm happy where I am at. I guess I just wanted to see the place during the day. You know, when we weren't stealing one— [gestures toward helicopter]

Tommy: C'mon, you didn't call me just because you wanted to see the toys. You're thinking of changing things up, aren't you?

Buck: Ah, I don't know. Okay, so, aside from worrying that Cap and Athena were at the bottom of the ocean, yeah, fine, I guess that night was the most fun I had since being struck by lightning.

To me, that indicates Tommy must have been a) clearly baffled that Buck called him in the first place and b) that he can't place Buck's request for a tour at all. Is it common courtesy after their little adventure? Is it professional interest? Or is it something more personal—?

I don't think Tommy allows himself to think in a personal direction at first. He's clearly flattered that Buck called but he also seems to be very much on guard at first. He's looking for clues as to why Buck is there. So when Tommy can't figure out it out, he's gotta ask. Because Evan is kinda hot adorable interesting. Maybe he even pings Tommy's gaydar, but he can't be sure.

And Buck's answer is super vague of course. We know that he can't even place his interest in Tommy himself yet. But Tommy doesn't know that. So he asks, again. He even suggests that Buck might be there for professional reasons, aka looking to become a pilot himself. Like Tommy doesn't dare believe Buck might be there for him.

And it's only then, after Buck admits he had fun the night they stole the helicopter, that Tommy allows himself to let his guard down. It's like he needed at least a tiny hint that Buck could be interested on a more personal level. It's only then that he starts flirting. It's only then that he allows himself to check out Evan a little bit closer. And boy, does that guy flirt back—

(Not relevant to the rest of this meta, but it's also noteworthy how both of them keep their references carefully gender neutral when they're talking about dating people they met on calls.)

[madschiavelique]

Could I request dating headcanons for astarion, gale, halsin, kar'niss, raphael, haarlep, rolan, and wyll with gn s/o please?

hey there anon !! i loved writing those i am soft for them all urgh

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ characters : astarion, gale, halsin, kar'niss, raphael, haarlep, rolan, wyll

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ content warning : lots of fluff, bits of teasing but nothing too explicit, tiny bit of yandere!kar'niss, gender neutral reader

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ words : 2,6k (~ 300 words per characters)

( not proofread, english is not my first language ☆)

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ astarion : 

Dating astarion means trying to chat with someone, and having him in the background doing some theatrical faces to mock how absolutely annoying and ridiculous the guy talking to you is. You’re trying to stay serious and pretend you’re concentrating on what he is saying when your boyfriend in the background keeps mimicking the most hilarious things that are sure to make you crack at any moment.

At the end of the conversation, when you join him, you give him a playful pinch in his sides as you laugh together just before he holds up to his head level the guy’s pouch, cackling to your rounded eyes “My love’s time is money from others, and the greatest treasure for me.”

You and him would sneak into some fancy couturier’s place, trying on robes and suits that would cost you way too many discussions with boring men to get astarion to steal their coins. You’d steal some to your liking and infiltrate some chic soirée where everyone smells like they bathed in perfume, where the old aristocrats speak like they have hot potatoes in their mouth, and where you have huge buffets ready for both of your stomachs to welcome.

You’d dance, drink champagne, stuff your mouth with soft creamy cakes, astarion licking the excess off your fingers as he takes your hand to bring you both on a balcony outside and kisses you under the moon like nothing has satisfied his hunger quite like your lips.

But you’d have softer moments, away from stealing and debauchery, just the two of you. You laying in bed, astarion resting his head on top of your heart, listening to its soft and regular beat.

You caressed his hair, your fingertips combing through his curls and brushing against his pointed ears from time to time. It made him shiver and hum, his thumbs on both of your sides tracing circular motions on your skin.

You both loved moments like these, where he could just relax in the arms of someone he loves and trusts, listening to the sound of life he had been deprived of softly beating in your chest.

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ gale : 

Dating Gale means lots of book reading sessions. It would just be the both of you, sitting on a couch at home, your legs on his lap as he caresses your thighs softly, not removing his hand the slightest as a mage hand flips the next page for him.

After those sessions, you both would talk about your thoughts on your current readings, and it makes your heart soften every time you see the way he looks at you when you speak about something that lights your heart up.

It also means spending some afternoons and nights learning more about the weave, and having Gale as your teacher on the matter. He’d always have your back against his chest, guiding your hands to form the specific shapes they need to make to cast a spell.

He’d keep being a distraction to you, kissing your ear, your neck, your temple, letting his hands linger on your waist… and you missed your spell once more. Pity, guess you’ll have to try again while he keeps tormenting you so that this moment you both share lasts longer.

No matter what you are doing, Gale has to have some sort of physical contact with you. Has to take your hand while you’re both walking, has to have his hand on your waist, to sit next to you and have both your knees touch.

It feels like the air around is compelling, and although the charm spell is no secret to him, he knows that it will never equal the kind of electricity you make him feel.

When either of you is away for any reason, he will find a way to make sure he has a piece of you to keep for himself, like a present of yours or anything he can keep near his hands or body at all times so that he can feel you are with him no matter what.

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ halsin : 

Dating Halsin means lots of dates hidden in corners of nature you felt only your imagination could make up. He’d walk you through a cave of shining crystals to bring you to this small beach with a willow tree. He'd have a basket ready, full of goods and snacks and your favourite food for a picnic in the peacefulness of nature, by your side.

Naturally you would both end up with your trousers rolled up as you looked at the fishes in the water, the algaes that rippled like emerald hair, and splashed each other until you both ended up falling and laughing at how drenched you were.

It also means calm evenings in the grove, peacefully helping around with the latest crops and going around to feed the different animals staying here. You’d read some stories to count the kids at night with your fingers still purple from picking grapes while leaning on Halsin in his bear form, taking a nap.

And when the sunsets would come, he’d watch you dance around the campfire with the druids as he carves a small wooden figurine of your silhouette. After the party, he would pick you up in his arms and carry you in bride style to your place.

He’d take the time to clean your feet from the dirt you’d danced on barefoot, would remove one by one the leaves stuck in your hair or clothes, and kiss your cheeks still warm from the dancing.

He never fails to open up to you, to tell you about his past, about his guilts, and you never judge him, only accept him. They say that to keep a couple up you have to look after it everyday, these idiots don’t know anything about love.

As if he had to make efforts to listen to you, as if he had ever doubted. He'd love your flaws if he managed to find any. You had been patient, so patient with him, accepting and loving and everything he could’ve ever wished for.

You make him hope again, remind him by your sole presence that there are things worth fighting for in this world, and he makes sure to remind you of how important you are for him through his words and acts.

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ kar'niss : 

Finding someone whom kar’niss had more devotion for than his Goddess was no easy task, but your sole presence was the proof that there are exceptions to rules.

Thus, if you are his revered deity in his eyes and heart, he has to bring you offerings to your altar. Kar’niss brings you all sorts of gifts, from hidden crystals in unreachable crevices to flowers with unique fragrances, he covers you with gifts and anything that makes him think of you.

You can expect one thing from dating him, and it is that you cannot get out of his grasp ! He’s got 12 arms if you count his spider part and the two human ones, so you can be sure he’s going to have at least one of them around you.

Kar’niss isn’t used to getting touched but craves it with his every breath; so every time you cup his face, or place a strand of his white hair behind his ear, or simply take his hand in yours, his seven dark eyes widen in surprise.

Anybody or any things that dare touch you infuriates him. How could they think themselves worthy of your touch ? of your attention ? They’d get punishment from it, and he’d be sure to be the one inflicting that sentence.

You’d trace the scars of his face, telling him how handsome he is as something within him rumbles with a high purr. His dark grey-ish purple chitin is lukewarm to your touch when your hand sets on his shoulder.

He has been abandoned one too many times already, and he fears that for whatever reason, he could lose you as well. Whenever you take him in your arms, he holds you so close to him like it might be your last embrace. You hum a soft song as he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, your hands softly caressing his back as you assure him you won’t leave.

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ raphael : 

Dating one of the most important devils in all Faerun might seem like an intimidating situation, but really, it was somehow truly liberating. Your relationship was no contract, nor did it derive from some spell either of you had cast upon another. It was… unworldly.

There was something about you that made Raphael untense by the second you were in the same room as him. He’d ask for you to be of company whenever he had reports to fill, contracts to prepare, and any other tasks that asked of his brows to pinch one another until you kissed his forehead and make all annoyance go away.

He’d bring you as much as he could to whatever meetup or reception he was needed to, but would never risk your life by bringing you anywhere that could be dangerous for you. One could say that you had become his weakness, his soft spot that made you the lever to pull on if anyone was after him.

You’d been kidnapped several times already by some that thought they’d manage to defeat the devil, but when he arrived for them, he made their torment so great that in any afterlife imaginable they’d suffer his wrath. You were untouchable, had been made immortal by his request and it made him worriless about you ever dying. Prepare your time, because all of his is for you.

You would discuss poetry around a glass of the best wines all the realms could offer, discuss futile matters; hells, you’d make him laugh. When were the times he ever had a moment to sincerely laugh ?

He’d never get tired of talking to you, knowing your points of views on any subjects no matter how ridiculous they were, of making him feel by your words that a devil’s hardened heart might beat for someone else than himself just for once.

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ haarlep : 

One could think that outside of their usual occupations, Haarlep is nothing, just a cluster of people living through them, and someone that has no other living purpose than sexual pleasures.

But when you came into their life, it certainly was a different thing, because you offered them what few gave them in the past : freedom of choice. You were not spending time with them for their pure nature, but for who they had come to be. You listened to them, to their stories, to their interests, and they always looked at you with stars in their eyes.

Haarlep, no matter your occupation in the house of Hope, would always find ways to be with you.

Standing up to search the archives for a specific book ? They’d place their forehead on your shoulder as their arms laced around your waist from behind.

Sat to write a report ? They’d sit next to you, their tail suggestively teasing you by caressing your thigh.

Looking over a map while both your hands are keeping you steady on the table ? They’d tower over you, chest against your back as they placed their chin in the crook of your neck and both of their hands next to yours to touch them.

There was no way in hell you’d get them away from you.

Being with someone as a couple was such an enigmatic concept for them, thus they’d engage in the making of pranks, taking the image of one of their past conquests to come up to you, ask you questions and take their role extremely seriously.

Until at one point, they’d ask through their chosen envelope “Is your heart taken yet ?”, to which you’d always answer “they took more than my heart.”

They kept taking various forms to see if you’d somehow let your interests in them waver, flirting and pushing limits to see if you truly loved them : not a single time would you let yourself be charmed, describing how your partner was simply irreplaceable in your mind and soul, which only made them love you more each time.

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ rolan : 

Dating Rolan will undoubtedly lead to afternoons where you stay by his side, sat as he searches for different books and scrolls in archives to make some sort of inventory.

You observe how serious he is when he sits down, quill in hand as the scratching of it on paper starts again. How his horns catch the candle light, how his glowing eyes skim through lines on end, how his pointer and middle finger join together to underline the words he has to copy.

You could stay like that for hours, and just when you feel you’re maybe disturbing his concentration by your presence and finally stand up, you feel something tighten around your ankle. Your eyes travel down your leg to see Rolan’s tail wrapped around your leg.

His eyes find yours, and he seems as surprised as you are of the reaction, but he doesn’t apologise. Instead, he murmurs two simple words : “Stay, please.” How could you refuse that ?

He’d take you on dates in the middle of the night, bringing you to the highest point of the tower to use the telescope and spend an evening watching the sunset and watching the stars. He’d bring pastries and fruits with him, having placed cushions and blankets on the ground for the both of you to settle comfortably.

He’d summon a flower to place in your hair with the flick of the wrist, create small fireworks with the snap of a finger, make a shooting star rain in the sky with a murmur, just for you.

You’d tease him about how long he’d have been preparing such dates, kissing him and telling him how you’d loved it, and he’d always turn his gaze away as his cheeks warmed up and your laugh made his heart flutter

There’d always be times when, for a break during the day at handling the tower, you’d come see him, and he’d drop whatever he was doing no matter the task to let you come sit on his lap and hug him.

He always waited for that time of day, for the kisses you placed on his horns and the words of encouragement you’d give him.

─ . 𝜗𝜚‧ wyll : 

Dating Wyll means being treated like royalty, and doing whatever you want with your prince charming of a boyfriend. I can picture him taking you to plays, some that sometimes retrace some of his own adventures, where in that case he comes hidden with a cloak to watch it.

You will always tease him about some memorable lines of diverse plays you’ve seen about one of his epics, and he’ll always end up chasing after you laughing as he catches you in his arms to attack you with kisses.

If you are not already proficient in swordsmanship, you can be assured that he will be the most patient teacher. He’d adjust your posture, some teasing touches that’d linger on your hips and waist as one of his hands guides yours holding your weapon.

Soon enough, when you’d be comfortable to handle a little fight, he’d have regular duels with you.

You don’t count the number of times he jokingly smacked your ass with the flat of his sword as you fell on the ground again and again anymore, but you always waited for the kisses on your sore palm after every training day.

He buys you flowers every week, different bouquets every time.

He treats you both like you’re made of porcelain that he wants to protect and hold gently, and as the brightest diamond he ever saw and that he wants everyone to see shine.

He always kisses your ring fingers whenever he holds your hand, showering your face in kisses that makes you scrunch your entire face with laughter.

Wyll is the kind of boyfriend that makes you feel like nothing has moved since your first “i love you”s, it’s been years that you’ve been going out together for 2 weeks. 

[kalims]

ㅤdorm leaders being savages

summary. basically some backstabber mf tries to 'steal' him and... this is where the savage part starts

featuring. dorm leaders

content. bad friend, gender neutral reader, brutal rejection 😭

note. a full post after a while :')

malleus

I mean it's not like he would notice anyways, again. I firmly believe human and fae courting traditions are vastly different and c'mon... he doesn't even know what the fuck flirting is do you really think he'd get their intentions. 💀

when they start to slide up an arm in places he's quite bothered about, (cause guy is so whipped that he won't let anyone but him touch you.) he isn't even happy that someone is near his proximity anymore, not scared and whatnot.

just he no likey.

AND HES NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC HE JUST SHRUGS THEM OFF EVERYTIME. he's just a genuine innocent lil' dude who wants his lover to come and save him from this touchy, weird, human.

no child of man cause that's your name ‼️

while he may not get it, he's got a feeling, sixth sense of sorts and when he sees it he's backing tf up away. he's not gonna entertain the doubts.

also he still doesn't get it in the end lmaoooo, he's avoiding all their advances thinking it's a part of human... culture? that he wasn't made aware of.

if they start putting in the forbidden words in the same sentence as your name you know shits going down, suddenly he's not that confused, oblivious, cute guy that they saw but a much colder shell.

when his eyes darken, and it starts storming they'd had better run, he's been kind enough to stay even with their relentless annoying behavior but that is where he crosses the line fr.

don't even be surprised when they get hit by lightning and end up in the infirmary or something, malleus didn't even say anything to them cause he believes actions speaks louder than words... *sends touchy, weird human to the nurse.* see?

someone insults him: ?

someone insults you: 😠😡🤬👿🌩⚡

just goes: "your friend is very unpleasant, I'd appreciate it if you refrain from spending time with them."

something unsaid; spend all of that time with me duhhh

idia

you know what I'm surprised someone actually likes him tbh 😭 except us because we're all built different and we love disgustang discord mod behavior.

you know what's even more surprising? the fact that idia is actually seen by your friend group. I swear he comes out of his room like once a day and that's just because he's craving something else that isn't in his food stock and he's just gonna rob whose mac n' cheese was in the microwave.

and that's literally in his DORM ONLY.

he's like a vampire and allergic to sunlight, he's more willing to come out in the middle of the night because that's when the least 'normies' are scattered around like flies.

(if that counts for anything at all??)

but hanging out is more fun and if you somehow managed to convince idia to come with you with your friends for some well needed, 'socializing' then you're in luck!

besides that you had to bet one of your items in that open world game you played together... all is good!

im like 99% sure idia is disgusted by any other touch from other people, besides you? cause if you touch him he's just embarrassed... but in terms of the disgusted faction, you've been there before.

he immediately spots their intentions cause he definitely plays otome games and this is one of them cliche scenarios to 'spice up' the plot by invoking jealousy in it.

only difference is its him, you and this... random.

if they weren't already offended by the absolute mortification and disgust on his face, somehow continuing to 'rizz' him up.. oh boy. it's gonna get worse.

he's got the worst fucking 3rd grade insults like... "back away from me you noob, are you supposed to be their friend?" he scoffs, surprising them cause they thought he was gonna be that red flag discord romance experience.

"sorry but im not really sorry. i don't associate myself with lower levels such as yourself, try to come back when you're higher but I doubt they'd accept a fiend back."

LIKE WHO USES NOOB AS AN INSULT?

when you come back he's steering you away, pulling on the hem of your sleeves practically begging to come home with the promise of 'grinding that outrageous drop rate item you've asked his help with.'

something unsaid; doxxing them as soon as I get back

vil

ok this one I get.

who wouldn't want vil... it's not like I've made the entirety of the fandom known about my obsession with him as my favorite character or anything, not at all... jokes aside he's a very prominent candidate, he's hot and rich. you get it?

forget about the other qualities because we all known those two can carry someone in life alone, life in luxury and fame? sign them up ASAP.

besides your boyfriend being one of the superstar actors, models, the dream jobs for a dream man even your friends had a hard time believing you. you should be offended that they even considered that you were clinically.. delusional.

plus you didn't even seem to know about vil before so how are you dating him?!

they found out the hard way and safe to say they're flabbergasted because what even?

of course out of everyone here, vil has the most experience in terms of being approached on a baseless appearance only, he's iffed by how fast people get infatuated when they're barely scratching the surface of him.

well, you somehow dug your way deep with a shovel so you're the only exception he will allow...

at this point he knows what to expect the moment one of your friends gave him a look he's all the well too accustomed to. it's easy to ignore the ones he sees in crowds cause there's always some type of fence blocking them from fully proclaiming their love or something.

problem here is that this person has no obstacles and he can tell they're waiting for an opportunity to strike like a snake. *texts the pomefiore gc to tell them about this SNAKE!*

honey this is a big NO for him, you need to consider your circle of friends if one of them immediately starts folding around like this and wastes what? a longer friendship with you? please, he's known his stylists more and they literally get replaced every single day.

he's giving them the biggest, sassiest side eye ever. putting a palm up before they even get to speak because frankly, he does not want to hear it.

they open their knarly mouth. "i—"

he raises a finger. "no."

a frown. "but i—"

"shush."

he can do this forever.

when you come back he's still giving a bombastic, criminal offensive side eye, mentally thinking on how to ruin this person's life in media of course! his natural domain. just one word and the rest of his army will attack fr.

vil usually doesn't do this but seriously? that was another level of low.

also he's just by your side, you don't even have to say that he's your boyfriend because he's lowkey rubbing it in their face that he is in fact, taken.

"next time you try to see me again, might as well buy one of the tickets to my fan signings because you’re not seeing me again otherwise.. well, not like you can afford it anyways." *fabulous hair flip*

something unsaid; either way I'll kick you out if you try to get in

kalim

most safest person to flirt with, even if you're friends with their lover but also the most impossible to actually try and 'steal.'

the thing about kalim is that he's adorably stupid, not to degrade him in any shape or form but he's so oblivious about everything that you could consider it as one of his redeemable traits to be adorable.

he takes everything you say so seriously to the point where if you joke about wanting to water an entire continent he's just there with his carpet waiting for you cause he's gonna do exactly that.

"you're in luck cause I have a lot of water in me!" pops his non existent guns on his arms. (he is talking about his unique magic..)

it takes a remarkable mind to be like... that but you like him all the well about it, compliment his stupid-ness and he'll just grin, flush a little and laugh loudly as he compliments you back. not an ounce of anger in his tiny body.

red eyes but what a bright heart!

the type of guy that goes. "any friend of yours is a friend of mine!" so when he meets your friend group, casually just throws them a grand ball. they don't know whether to be flattered or.. concerned cause this is pretty weird.

not only was one of your friends awed over the mere value of many things inside the dorm he renovated, apparently his very huge bank full of gold was something to gasp over too.

and that's exactly what they did. (I mean get that bag sis but that bag is already owned by someone else and that's you... so that's not slay of you, random friend.)

here's when his nature proves to be quite relenting, even after many flirting, even using those cringe pickup lines from the internet, he just won't budge! it's getting irritating cause they're sure the people already heard the embarrassing words coming out of their mouth.

also that they were flirting with a non-legally married man. (to you ofc ofc.)

kalim either laughs at them because he thinks they were jokes, and just funny or laughs just because he's kalim.

he didn't really mind the casual touches at first, maybe it was friendly? he does it all the time after all but there was a stinking feeling that it felt weird and that alone was weird cause friendly pats were supposed to feel good.

not with you though cause those feel great!

accidentally shuts them down cause they're feeling like a third wheel when you come back after a bathroom break and it's like a total contrast to how he was treating them.

how do you seriously not notice kalim now unintentionally flirting with you?! are both of you airheads?!

he was literally all over you when you quipped up a "hi, I'm back."

and he was like; "welcome back :DDDD!!!!" if it wasn't already obvious they'd even add floating hearts emojis all over his head.

something unsaid; girl he didn't even notice anything was up...

azul

kinda a 50/50?

I'm not sure if most people really dig the whole 'bad reputation' thing. he's friends with the most terrifying twins in the entire campus, notably scammed a lot of people, can give wishes with an extreme price.

oh yeah he runs monstro lounge too but that just means he won't have time to spend with a lover.

that's their own imagination but azul's actually very sweet and gets some overworked junior to do the work for him, usually jade since floyd just leaves if he's given the job. JUST so he can go fret over which tie to use for your unofficial date.

despite him annoyed and losing sleep 24/7 because of the tweels he still asks them which one to use, jade's opinion is most trustworthy since floyd picks the neon, vibrant ones. (don't question why he even owns it.)

I doubt he actually likes people though, anyone else than you? hard pass. he's a simp through and through but unlike idia who can't mask the mortification and disgust on his face even at the cost of his life, good thing that masks are one of the many things azul is good at.

he slips up sometimes cause he genuinely thinks it's embarrassing that they're doing whatever this is to him, (well more of an attempt?) and to you, who is also their friend and his lover.

slip up as in his eye twitches, he flinches away a little too fast when they touch him, and his smile wobbles.

I mean no one would notice if he uses his magic on one, singular person...

mentally makes a note to remember whoever this was cause they're not stepping foot in octavinelle ever again.

+ an object of fun for the tweels. #gotormentthatlife!!

he's just a polite guy, so he won't just straight up insult them but he does warn them. the only thing holding him back from cooking a whole table is the crowd that would definitely spread the news of him going batshit.

like; "could you please, stop this? I hope you're not as stupid as you make yourself out to be because if you think I'm an idiot to not know what you're doing.. "

meanwhile his mind; "ugh this bitch. [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]."

I mean he's not that intimidating ALONE but when he gets all threatening like that (🥰) he could pass for an assassin fr.

just gets the tweels to deal with them cause he does not have the patience to deal with this backstabbing ho and it's wasting his precious time that should have been spent talking with you.

ugh he did not spend like 30 whole minutes picking out his tie and gloves just for this.

azul when he sees you coming back: 😇

something unsaid; [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted].

leona

oh boy, cover your eyes cause we're stepping onto another level of SAVAGE. you don't call lions that for NOTHING ‼️ beastman or just beast.

has the least filter out of everyone, as in he just doesn't give a single fuck, he's the chillest (agressive) guy on the twst planet so if the thought of wanting to insult some stranger that doesn't have a significance in his life at all pops up in his mind he ain't gonna change it lol.

gives the stinkiest eyes, even his tail and ears pause to synchronize with his thoughts cause if they had googly eyes they'd have a side eye too.

if he's laying down and they try pulling him upwards, tryna latch onto him? *just shoves them cutely.* problem solved.

leona's nice enough to let them off without losing something cause you really do mean something to him if he's holding back for your expense knowing that this is one of your 'friends.'

they don't even deserve to be called that!

like no one interrupts his peaceful nap times except for when he stands up to interrupt it himself just to drag you down with him.

wait so basically anyone but him???

he, really doesn't want to waste energy on this fool and to be honest they're really boring him since you went out to grab something you forgot. (but knowing this person for less than an hour in his life, they probably had something to do with that too.) so you aren't here to give him a reason to stay awake.

them rambling but in leona's eyes they're a blurry figure cause he's really sleepy.

then suddenly he's an iphone promax when he's looking at you 💀

if they already didn't take a hint from his earlier shove, the dirt isn't the only thing he's gonna shove someone into. there's a lake there for a reason other than keeping a home for the fishes y'know. never would know if they eat people too. /j

"would you shut up?"

yeah that's all he says but we all know how sharp it is to hear that from somebody so they immediately shut up. there's absolutely no need for any waste on energy of them, just one look from him and they're SILENT.

hopefully embarrassed too cause wtf was that??

unfortunately he can't fully enjoy his usually relaxing nap cause this random is corrupting the atmosphere even when they're silent, I swear they could shift and leona feels like one step closer to smacking 'it.'

ignored them every single time they tried to call out to him LOUDLY before but when you just silently step back on the field, he already peeks out an eye??? like no words needed.

what love does to a mf... sighs... another cold male lead we've lost to romance because of our mc <4

something unsaid; I was really questioning if keeping myself from strangling someone was worth it. took more effort than doing it literally

riddle

I'd have a crush on him too tbh.

unlike azul who already knew their intentions from the start, polite enough to kindly drop signs that he's not interested. riddle doesn't get it, he's just polite as well but also confused?

like he doesn't know they're tryna flirt, but he does think their actions are strange like c'mon. why are they trying to feel him up? he has no idea except the thought that he doesn't like it at all.

also it feels like he's betraying you so he just straight up pulls their arm away off of him firmly and shakes his head.

"stop this behavior."

he sighs.

surprisingly he's patient but also impatient???

consider this the first and last warning cause he WILL excuse himself if it ever goes on, riddle can wait for you browse through a whole store with him following you around and playfully commenting on your taste but can't wait for their attitude to get better.

he ain't gonna waste any more of his precious minutes on this period.

I don't know how to explain it, he's totally unaware of what they want, which is him ironically. but the reason he's rejecting their advances is because he's so devoted and a simp for you.

not a lot of people have the balls to converse or touch around him carelessly like that so freely so isn't it basic human courtesy to hold off all the physical affection till they're more acquainted?

well, not that riddle's not gonna let their current relationship advance any further from strangers at this point...

he's so loyal to you that it's cute jabskans.

riddle sticks to his principles, and he certainly has his own preferences for the personality of people. one of the traits he despises is when they don't understand his earlier warnings.

of course riddle isn't very forgiving, they're lucky they were even given a chance before cause even he, doesn't spare his dorm members a second chance when they break a rule he's been plenty lenient with.

so if you were given a chance, you better take it cause he's not giving you another.

like how since you did take your chance he's not gonna let you go now 😍.

isn't the type to be rude to people for matters he deems conflict being easily avoidable so he just makes up a believable excuse and walks away loool.

and they're like thinking; didn't he say he was tired and had to sleep since he stayed up planning the unbirthday party... why is he having a tea date with you???

suddenly he didn't look too tired at all compared to when he randomly slumped to look exhausted before??

something unsaid; 🥰🍵 what a successful unbirthday party *forgets about them immediately cause you're both having an unofficial date.*

note. ok so something unsaids are basically that but don't misunderstand, it's something they didn't say.

[b1rkins]

✦ IT GIVES YOU WINGS OR LOVE?, M. VERSTAPPEN

sometimes, the team that brought you in, could also gives you more opportunity to even meet your lover there.

taglist: @queenofmanydreams @muglermami @4limq @avengers-assemble123456 @cabbyhabs @meowtastick @4mula-1 @miarabanana @amel1ee @dinosushilun1 @auggieblogs @namgification @charli123456789 @cherry-piee

yourusername

liked by redbull and 237,144 others

yourusername Woohoo !!! SO hyped to grab 🥈 at my first slopestyle World Cup since the 2022 Olympics. Genuinely had so much fun out there today. Congrats to everyone for the insane level of riding, and thank you, as always, to the supporters for all the love ❤️ A few areas need a bit of work still, but none more than my champagne skills 🥴

view all 1,247 comments

redbull Super proud of you, Y/n! 😍

username there's something about redbull athletes and winning and i can't really put my finger on it...

maxverstappen1 Proud ❤️

username What is this motherly comments, Max

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yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1 and 188,316 others

yourusername Celebratory lunch + A lil hair touchup 😆

view all 1,589 comments

username Ahem... No pic cred?

username I think you forgot to dry your hair

yourusername My stomach's grumbling so loud already, I can't hold it anymore to even dry my hair 😂

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maxverstappen1 Don't forget to spare me some 🍴🍴

yourusername How cliché of you to comment this while eating my sushi 🤨

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username better not to lie to a skier

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maxverstappen1

liked by carlossainz55 and 472,580 others

maxverstappen1 Flexing master #TiffanyPartner #TiffanyHardwear

view all 1,096 comments

yourusername I agreed to post here but what was the caption supposed to mean?

username It's giving Lily + Albon's dynamic

username Max influencer era is here and ready

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yourusername Whoa

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landonorris okay. the trial's over, let's make your own jpg account.

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landonorris no, just baiting.

username WHY IS HE SO ANNOYING 😭😭😭😭

username supportive bf max is my new favorite gender

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alex_albon He's definitely has attended Alex Albon school of boyfriendery

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maxverstappen1 Drafts do exist, you know.

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username Break the bet, it is not

redbullracing · 24m

yourusername

liked by victoriaverstappen and 102,445 others

yourusername Truly enjoying my paddock debut here. Thank you ＠redbullracing for the invitation, definitely having much fun in Shanghai 🥰

view all 973 comments

username Me and the bad bitch I pulled after being WDC:

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lilymhe Why are you guys looks so stiff? 💀

yourusername Wait until I asked him to go skiing. Let's see how stiff he would be.

maxverstappen1 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

username Can't wait to see Max skiing with her. Wonder if his skiing skill has improved ever since he's with her.

username next stop: the alps

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username That time she wasn't his gf just yet

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username Why would they invite you as a guest when you're already his gf tho😂

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maxverstappen1

liked by yourusername and 463,197 others

maxverstappen1 Alps: Day 1 ⛷️

view all 1,638 comments

username Wait why is it different?

maxverstappen1 Sometimes, one of us played it harshly and losing the original glasses. So we bought it new.

username AND IT ISN'T YOU??!?? OMG

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yourusername We're both... Losing, actually

danielricciardo I KNEW IT

yourusername

liked by schecoperez and 157,839 others

yourusername Turns out, he's not that bad of a skier too.

view all 2,630 comments

maxverstappen1 Hey, I don't look like that

maxverstappen1 How could you do this after I posted out sweet moments yesterday

maxverstappen1 What is this betrayal

username Alright Granny, let's get you to bed

username WHO'S THAT ON THE SECOND SLIDEEEEEE

charles_leclerc What was that outfits 😂😂

yourusername Don't say as if your fits were not like that

charles_leclerc Mine's fashionable, sorry.

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username Well apparently the both of them were losing

username says who?

username Daniel and Y/n on Max's post

username I know they were never gonna be the best at competing at each other

username if their relationship was really a pr, i don't believe it

[foone]

BTW as a trekkie the funniest thing you can do is find someone who isn't and try to explain Spock's Brain to them.

"so trek got canceled after two seasons, but fans launched a massive letter-writing campaign and got it renewed. First time that'd happened in the history of TV, I believe. They came back with an episode called Spock's Brain."

"interesting. So what's the plot?"

"aliens steal Spock's Brain"

"what. And what else?"

"no that's pretty much it. His brain gets stoled. They have to go find it."

"huh. Why do the aliens steal it?"

"they need a computer to run their society."

"and they decide to use Spock's Brain?"

"yep! So the Enterprise crew rigs up a remote control device for Spock's body so they can drive it around like a toy car, and go looking for his brain."

"wait. They don't leave it behind in, like, medical stasis?"

"nah they're worried they won't be able to get the brain back to his body in time. So they bring it along. As a remote controlled body. They've got a little remote with like 5 buttons. Walk forward, turn left, turn right, Kung-fu attack, and so on"

"attack?"

"yeah they have to fight off the aliens at one point. With Spock's body."

"huh."

"the best part? The ultimate moral of the episode seems to be against gender segregation"

"WHAT"

"yeah see the aliens who stole Spock's Brain are a bunch of cavemen living on the nuclear-winter surface and a bunch of women living below ground, with PAIN RAYS. the women steal Spock's Brain to run their society, because they're not smart enough to run their machines."

"that seems... Sexist?"

"yeah a bit. So at the end when they get Spock's Brain back, they solve the society's problems by convincing them to reintegrate the sexes and work together on solving their problems. Also Kirk says something like 'in time you'll learn that women can provide not only pain, but pleasure!' to the cave men"

"... Do the women have pleasure rays too?"

"no. He's not talking about that. Anyway this is all skipping over the fact that when they meet up with the alien woman they saw steal Spock's Brain, she doesn't know how to put it back in. Or take it out. She doesn't know what a brain is."

"what"

"yeah she was sent on this mission by the old computer that was failing, and it used a Teacher Machine to temporarily give her SUPER SURGERY skills to get the brain out."

"so she went from not knowing what a brain is to being able to do neurosurgery?"

"yeah. And here's the thing: McCoy can't put the brain back in either. It's too compilated for him."

"so they went searching for Spock's Brain, knowing that they had no way to put it back in?!"

"exactly! So McCoy gets taught how to do Super Brain Surgery by the Teacher Machine, and he starts putting Spock's Brain back in his body, but the skills wear off before he can finish"

"they wear off?"

"yeah you only get them for a few hours. So he has the brilliant idea of hooking up Spock's vocal cords so that Spock can walk him through hooking up the rest of his brain."

"there are so many reasons why that doesn't make sense"

"YEP! THAT'S SPOCK'S BRAIN!"

"so this was a guest writer who never worked before or again, right?"

"no, it was Gene Coon. He wrote like 15 episodes, most of them pretty good, and went on to do some other scifi films. He's the guy who created Khan."

"why do you like Star Trek again?"

[ebony-blood]

Poly!The Lost Boys x Reader 

Warnings/AN: They’re a packaged deal, ofc you’re getting all four. Yandere/obsessive stuff because they’re just like that. I tried to be as gender-neutral as possible, lemme know if I need to fix anything.

You have been in Santa Carla for about a year now, you wanna know how long it took for the boys to fall for you? 2 months

Paul fell first, bro spent a whole 2 hours daily rambling to Marko about how much he loved you, how perfect you were in his eyes, how cute you were…

Gender doesn’t matter to these rat bastards, you’re still Paul’s Cutie

Marko fell next, listening to Paul rant about your utter perfection, thus, he started believing you were an angel, literally an angel.

And that’s when the two boys started stalking you, following you around the boardwalk and practically growling at anyone that approached, male, female, whatever

Paul practically has heart eyes every time he sees you, every single time.

Dwayne is next, and he falls WAY harder than the other two

Mr. Tall, dark and handsome over here will follow you home daily, he waits for nightfall and comes out to see you, when he’s not with his brothers, he’s around you.

He may as well be lying on a bed, writing in a notebook about how much he loves you, giggling and kicking his feet like a schoolgirl

So, the three that AREN’T David fall in love with you in two months, David followed shortly behind, and only a month after Dwayne fell, David was fucking INFATUATED.

He has it BAD, like, god, it’s even worse than his brothers.

Eventually, all four of the boys decide they wanna talk to you, and goddammit the minute you open your mouth they’re even more in love with you. 

And so, they start leaving you anonymous gifts, roses, jewelry, Marko paints for you, anything they can think of, they’ll steal it and leave it on your porch. 

It took a few months, but when you realized they were giving you the gifts, you started hanging out with them more, and soon, you were taken to the cave.

They loved you, obviously.

It took almost no time for you to fall for their silly personalities, and that was when they knew they had you.

They became protective, but not outwardly obsessive.

At least, you thought so. 

After they started dating you, they started getting worse in their stalking.

They had a system, every other week, sometimes months between instances, one of them would silently stalk you, keeping hidden in the dark, and one or two of them would pretend to bump into you when you start freaking out.

You were always too freaked out to ask how they were there.

You found out they were vampires when you caught them killing and feeding on a guy who had been actually stalking you. You were freaked out at first.

Eventually, David managed to calm you, promising they would never hurt or kill you.

Now that we’re past all the meetings, falling, stalking, and so on, here’s the actual cute stuff. 

Paul and Marko

These rat fucks are literally never not by your side. 

They bite you, randomly grab you, kiss you, just whenever they want, it doesn’t matter. 

Both boys steal things from you, all the time

Clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, books, your perfume/cologne/body spray, makeup if you wear it, whatever they can get their hands on, it’s with them.

You slowly start noticing them wearing your clothes, your perfume/cologne/body spray, and you ask about it. They always deny having it.

If you wear it, they put on your lipstick or lipgloss before they kiss you, because they think it's funny. 

Paul started trying to get you to smoke with him. 

Marko paints you like constantly, and anytime he catches you watching or looking at him, he has the most lovestruck and goofy look on his face.

Both fantasize about you 24/7 and just bounce stuff off of each other. 

They definitely bite you the most

65% of the bitemarks on you are from them, and 35% are from the other two boys.

Cuddle you the most.

Tease you the most

Teasing nips are greetings to them

Both have very little consistency in pet names for you, they just pick whatever.

Dwayne

The sweetest, and the biggest stalker ever.

Bro follows you around constantly. 

He doesn’t allow you to ride on the back of Paul and Marko's bikes, it's either him or David.

Holds your hands all the time

Gives you his jacket all the time.

You get cold? Take his jacket. Getting outta the ocean after Paul tossed you in? Take his jacket.

Smiles every time he sees you. 

Also takes your perfume/cologne/body spray, sprays himself down, and snuggles into clothes you wear he stole when he wanted to snuggle with you.

Acts totally normal around you but is a giggly schoolgirl when talking about you with the boys.

Brings you food and drinks daily, if he doesn’t know if you’ve eaten, you bet your ass he’s bringing you food.

About 15% of your bites are from him. 

Constantly makes sure you care for yourself.

Not into PDA but will hold your hands daily.

Bro has a mix of songs that reminds him of you.

Calls you stuff like Darling and Honey, he just gives those vibes.

David

OHHHH DEAR GOD-

David is worse than Dwayne, Marko, and Paul combined.

Stalks you, constantly, and he always makes sure you know he’s there.

Sassy, sarcastic, an asshole, we know this, but this carries over to you too.

Bro sasses you all the time.

Dude treats you like he treated Star, bro will just stare at you, if you don’t respond or do as he’s implying, he just calls your name again, and again, until he eventually just snaps in your face, not shouting, but literally snapping.

Nips at your ears, neck, and shoulders

Teases you, all the time, constantly for no reason. Like if you trip bro is laughing and he doesn’t even help your ass up. 

He does care though, he loves you so SO much.

The dude actually takes his damn gloves off to touch you sometimes! That NEVER happens!

Isn’t into PDA, at all, his hands stay securely in your back pockets or with his fingers through your belt loops, you are not leaving his side, if he isn’t around you bet your ass you’re sticking with Dwayne.

Will randomly give you things, Bro gave you one of his old tee shirts and he gets very pouty if you don’t wear it around.

He is not a sweet boy, but also a sweet guy, if you wear down his walls and wiggle your way into his heart, you will NEVER leave.

He’s terrified of being alone, if you leave for even a second, the man almost melts down. 

Calls you stuff like Babe, Baby, and Doll, doll is used no matter your gender, he won’t stop.

One more because our first one for Davie here also brings you food but fucks with you like he did with Micheal. He does keep extras if you actually freak out about it but after a certain point in your time with the boys, you start leaning into the goofiness. 

All four of them

Only a few here.

The boys are cuddlers, if they stay with you in your house, (You have blackout curtains) they are wrapped around you, Paul and Marko are damn well laying on top of you.

Will scream at any bastard on the boardwalk that even LOOKS at you wrong.

They fight anyone at all, for any reason, for everything, at all for you.

These nerds rant about everything they love, David will scream about how much he loves Billy Idol at any time, Marko talks about art all the damn time, Paul will just rant about how fucking much he loves guitarists like Mick Mars, Ace Frehley, and Eddie Van Halen, and Dwayne talks about books. All four always have stars in their eyes when talking, it's so cute. 

The rats started rubbing off on you, you’re crazy now, you ride bikes, and you yell, and scream with all of the boys.

When they do turn you, it amplifies by 20.

Your favorite activity is hanging off the bridge with the boys and biking. 

You eventually get your own, they were hesitant, but eh.

They love biking with you, and then you all either hang from the wood beams while sleeping or snuggle up in your bed and sleep peacefully. You wearing one of their jackets of course.

[amaya-writes]

Can I request headcanons with L, Light and Mello with a s/o who's a genius (like them) but acts stupid (like bimbo-ish) just to annoy people?

Notes: I'm SO sorry I took forever to get this out!

Warnings: n/a just fluff

Characters involved: L, Light, Mello

Gender-neutral reader, you/yours

L

Finds you intriguing.

You're like a puzzle to him. He wants to figure out your motives and understand why anyone would willingly act this way.

It doesn't take him long to understand you're smarter than you let on, however, your reasoning puzzles L a lot.

If you met him during the events of Death Note he immediately decides you're an asset and takes you to his side. You're like the Misa to his Light.

Your job would be to survey Misa, work in the same places as her, join her on any jobs. Since you're good at faking your bimbo personality you easily get along well with her.

At first Light even falls for the guise but with time he realises you're smarter than you look.

Even after Light understands your true personality L still keeps you around to help out. He often takes you with him when he's stalking surveying people and would even ask your opinions on the situation.

At first he used to find you annoying and his opinion of you was very similar to his opinion of Misa. However, with time L starts to find your interactions with others sort of amusing.

He sees your personality as a game, but outside of the Kira case he doesn't really interact with you.

To him, you're just another factor in the case.

Light

Hates it.

Unlike L, Light takes slightly longer to catch on to your personality.

You meet through Misa since you are friends with her. At first, Light presumes you're just like the other girls Misa works with but as time goes on he realises your true potential.

He only gets interested in you once you confess you think he's Kira.

Light's first instinct is to kill you but he refrains from doing so since he thinks he could use you. To him, you're just another pawn he can control to win against L.

L might have some semblance of a bond with you but Light only sees you as an object for his schemes. If he feels that you won't be easily manipulated then he doesn't bother associating with you since you are no use to him.

However, if you are easily swayed his way then Light uses you as an unsuspecting source for information.

With L and the rest of the team constantly hovering over his shoulder Light needed someone on the outside to help him execute his schemes.

Over time he comes to appreciate your wit as it makes it easier to carry out his plans. However, he still expects you to listen to him and hates when you get too creative.

He sometimes wishes you were the one with the Death Note instead of Misa because that would make everything happen so much more smoothly.

He expects you to have your regular personality when interacting with him. If you act like a bimbo when it's just the two of you he gets visibly annoyed.

While you are a genius like him you don't posses the almost inhumane lack of empathy Light is known for, which is why you don't realise the bond you share with him is purely that of a master and his pawn.

Mello

A mixture of the two.

Like L, he finds it weird that you would want to act like a bimbo especially since being a genius is something he always strived for growing up.

To him it's almost like you don't value the skillset his entire life revolves around.

However, he also sees the value in your mannerisms.

Unlike Near, Mello chose to associate himself with the mafia, that meant he needed trustworthy allies who he could rely on to get the work done.

At first he sees you as just another one of the bimbos his men would use as flings and then discard of, but after a few days he realises your true intentions.

You played the role of the innocent girl hopelessly in love with a mafia man yet in reality were using them for your fulfillment. (This can be anything from stealing from the guy you were with to leveraging his connections to complete some personal vendetta.)

Once Mello realises your true persona his first instinct is to get rid of you.

There is only space for one genius in his circle and he can't risk being potentially overthrown.

However, you make him see the value in having you around.

With time, you, Mello, and Matt become a team of sorts. You become a trio known for controlling the mafia groups.

Most people simply presumed you were Mello's bimbo girlfriend he kept around for eye-candy, which made it easy for him to use you to get what he needed.

However, unlike Light, Mello knows the value of having reliable allies (like Matt). He never really places his full trust in you, but with time Mello comes to appreciate you.