#i need to sleep for a few days straight because i've been pretty sick the past few weeks TT

[kyaruun]

i didn't mention this here yet but. guess who's a graduated computer engineer (❁´◡`❁)

[jekylls-crippling-depression]

Been thinking about Hyde in University AU all night last night

I rambled about it on a discord server, but I'll drop what I've rambled about it because I've been wanting to expand this accidental AU that came to me as a dream months ago LMAOO

So here are some stuff thay happened within the AU:

- Jekyll already befriended Lanyon before the accident on Uni, but they're not roomates yet

- Hyde was created by accident during one of Jekyll's lab test and Jekyll have no damn clue how Hyde works nor what happened, but he did remember drinking the potion he brew

- Hyde himself was just as confused, and both Jekyll and Hyde were scared when the first transformation happened within the uni's lab.

- Jekyll's first theory was either he was possessed or he just implanted a parasite-second-personality into his brain from the potion, until Hyde protests against it with his point of view of him being Jekyll, but Hyde still like the idea that he could be an ghost possessing Jekyll just for the spook.

- Timeskip to when Jekyll and Hyde somehow get along, the whole "Jekyll's sick/busy so I'm here to replace him and take notes for him" Hyde shenanigans happens at some times.

- Since here Hyde wasn't created with the thought of him as an evil side, him and Jekyll would actually get along in some way and Hyde could be less of a dick and more of that expressive, chaotic and energetic person with no breaks when it comes to intrusive thoughts, and actually like the idea of having friends because that's what makes classes fun, and he wanted to have the full university experience as much as Jekyll does.

- The reason Hyde was allowed there was perhaps Jekyll was one of the lecture's favorite student for perhaps being a straight-A student, and Jekyll had requested that in order for him not missing his lessons whenever he got ill or sick or have family matters that require him to go back home a few days, a friend of his, Edward Hyde, would be replacing his place to take notes on his behalf, and that lecture accepted it and thought it was smart of Jekyll and let the other lectures know about it.

- Hyde got his own group of friends in uni, and he tried his best to put Lanyon as far away as possible from his group of friends because he's scared that he might like them better than Jekyll they would hurt Lanyon.

- Lanyon grew suspicious of Hyde because where tf would Jekyll be?? He know damn well that Jekyll would rather DIE than to miss science class

- Lanyon would soon investigate Hyde like "who are you and what did you do to Jekyll?" And Hyde was taken back by it because he couldn't find a single wrong thing he did to Lanyon as Hyde.

- The more Hyde replaces Jekyll's place in classes the more Lanyon thought he did something to Jekyll, and what got him into his end of the stick is when Hyde's excuse to be in class was because Jekyll was extremely sick and needed bedrest, and then Lanyon excuses himself out to go to the bathroom and instead ran towards Jekyll's dorm and found no one within the room.

- whenever Jekyll isn't in his room, Hyde would said that he's probably out to take a walk or go back home.

- the affair between Jekyll and Lanyon still happens, but they weren't roomates still because of Hyde.

- Jekyll would rather stay in Lanyon's room for their "affair" instead of his because he told Lanyon that Hyde stayed in his room, which implies that he smuggled an outsider in to sleep within the uni's dorm (Lanyon did NOT like that.)

- Jekyll would make rules with Hyde and told him to not engage with Lanyon, but rules are meant to be broken and he would find his way flirting with him instead during his turn of the day.

- Knowing Uni Lanyon, he was pretty much still a playboy, so he secretly enjoyed having someone actually _trying_ to get with him, but he likes Jekyll enough not to do anything about it because it makes him feel guilt, and it was unpleasant.

[on-my-way-to-the-woods]

Anyway, uh, it's been busy so here is a brief (lies, it's not brief, but I promise I'm only giving the highlights) summary of the last month.

Break for very long post

The Last Month - Abridged

F & I are splitting up (sorta). The hardest one to write, but it's going up top 1. because it came first and 2. because if I don't start with it I simply won't write it out. It's been slowly moving towards this for awhile now, but it's real now. Mostly, it's a case of conflicting needs and conflicting disabilities, so it's been rough on both sides. We're still living together, and planning to continue that way (even if we weren't though, who could afford the rent?) so it's still family of a sort, but not like it was

I uncovered a major issue at work (~2 days after F had me start sleeping on the futon) and it was a mess but we got it resolved within two days

Less than an hour after finding the issue mentioned above, I got the call that the relative I was planning on visiting in a week died

I figured risking air travel was probably a bad idea. It'd probably end fine, but I've not yet been trapped somewhere with one of the worse perfumes and a metal box hundreds of feet in the air with no ability to leave for several hours seems like a poor place to risk seeing exactly how far these reactions can go. (I don't want a joint funeral, I'm not catholic). So I chose to drive through the night instead - which is also a bad idea, but what can you do? Packing with no idea about how things are going to go was it's own mess.

The drive went surprisingly well. I took as few stops as possible and I have a new odor reducing respirator that is helping a lot - so it was only a handful of reactions & I was ready to stomp them out each time (yay albuterol & xyzal). Pretty much drove straight through except for gas and a 30min catnap here and there (don't try this at home kids, I'm setting a bad example). My good friend driving-though-the-dark-alone-listening-to-a-horror-podcast kept me awake just fine (I love you Left Right Game) (but again, don't try this at home)

Did the funeral things, got super sick in the church but was alright at the other venues. I must have looked really bad in the church though because my family didn't make a single snide remark about me bringing my dog on the trip during the entire time I was there.

Helped out with moving things around the house and dispersing some possessions. I drove a bunch of clothes (fragrant 🤦 but I had them in trash bags so it was mostly okay) back with me to donate to the various queer orgs around here. They'll appreciate the old natural fiber clothes more than the goodwill where most of it was going.

Made a detour specifically to bring my dog to the Atlantic. She had a blast. Nova has now officially crossed the country (W->E and also S->N).

On the drive back I went hiking the farthest I've been from a city in a long time and I felt so fucking alive. On the one hand, stunning experience - did 7mi (11km) in snow no problem as a short hike (since I was trying to make it back to bring F to a medical appointment) and I would have stayed out all day if I could. On the other hand, it's a little concerning if the only place I feel like myself is that far away from people. I can't afford a house & land in the middle of nowhere…

Also stopped by a place we used to live and walked our old neighborhood route. Nova was excited, but confused.

Wound up in a different park after hours and it might have been haunted

Made it back the day before F's appointment. Slept. Discovered that the one provider I liked less than the others (despite them all being equally friendly) uses perfume so I've just been allergic to them instead of disliking them for no reason (I kinda suspected so, but it was proven this time)

Had a rheumatology appointment to see if they had ideas about what my issue might be. This is the first time I have seen a doctor realize what it means when I say I'm having these reactions to fragrances, you could see it play out on her face: oh shit, fragrances are everywhere. Several times throughout the appointment she'd pause as she had a thought and then ask questions that were clearly checking in on my life outside of just the symptoms (e.g. "how do you get groceries?") which is something I haven't seen since F's GP (whose interest was in public health) moved away. I think it went well. She's running the usual bloodwork, partly just to check and partly because she knows that having ruled out some things already will make it more likely for me to get care from an allergist.

Toured more houses for rent, it just made me incredibly sad. You can see traces of someone's beloved home in some of these old houses, but landlords own them now and they just don't bother. Rotting garages, fences in pieces, trash in the yard, holes in the walls, doors that can't open all the way anymore. 'Just let the tenant do the work and foot the bill, people are desperate, we can let the house rot around them while they pay for the privilege and just buy another when it pops up.' (I have feelings on the matter)

Finally got my covid & flu shots. I had timed it specifically for when our favorite pharmacist works, but I hadn't considered the holiday rush would mean they have two on duty. I instead got our least favorite pharmacist (she does not like F) and it was an impressively bad experience. Sure love it when you tell a provider something has given you side effects every time and they tell you it won't do it 🙄 /s

Rheumatology bloodwork is back, I love receiving results online. I'm very interested in what she'll say at the follow up this week. By my read (science nerd, but no relevant medical training), it's… odd. A little contradictory, but it's indicating some shit is up - however, none of the main contenders would explain my fragrance reactions.

Got to volunteer with a conservation group in a safe area for me.  Had a fantastic time, was able to be around people and move and do something productive and satisfying.  Went back again and will continue trying to do these as I can.

Went with F to her allergy appointment and, ironically, had reactions myself the entire time.  Not just in the waiting room, but everywhere in the building.  Maybe it was their disinfectant? Hoping it was just a fluke because I used to be able to go there, even while dealing with this.

My allergy appointment went poorly, there's another (long) post about it, but the gist is that I now have VCD in my chart (despite the fact he said he doesn't know what is wrong with me and said maybe I should go to Mayo Clinic) & tests he didn't mention

I am currently arguing with insurance over >$10k and I'm not having fun

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #371

It is day two of sinus, nasal, and tracheal discomfort. I have concluded that yes, I am very definitely sick. I feel sluggish, my nose is runny and congested and on fire at the same time. Mild headache all day. Scratchy throat. Fucken lame. Oh well.

Additionally, I managed to render my cellphone unusable. This morning, when my half-stupefied self woke to use the morning facilities, I managed to drop my phone. It fell from my clumsy, dyspraxic, half-asleep hands and crashed on the bathroom tile.

...Yeah. I was pretty bummed about it. And, given the number of folks who count on me, I can't really go without having a phone. But fortunately, I was already overdue for an upgrade, anyhow. So I put on a mask (to protect other people), and then M and I went and replaced it. It didn't take long.

I have a phone with a better camera now. So there's that, at least.

I spent the rest of the morning in and out of sleep, on and off the internet, and just generally feeling not great. Though I did remember that I made my famous (it's not really famous!) bone broth a while ago and stuck it in the freezer. I took a jar of it out and put it in the refrigerator to thaw:

The way I make it produces a bone broth that is both flavorful and nutritious. I'll probably drink it tomorrow. It'll give my body some strength to fight off whatever bullshit invaded it, no doubt.

Actually, come to think of it...

…!!!

Holy shit. Yes. I got sick with a mild case of the sniffles starting on the same exact day last year!

Yooooo, what the fuuuuuuuck. Hahahaha....

...Well, whatever. The procedure for any viral sickness is the same: eat good food, sleep a lot, hydrate frequently, take ibuprofen as needed, and wait for it to pass. There's really nothing else for it.

I thought I was gonna get soup today, but I did not, in fact, get soup today. That's because J went out, and when he came home, he brought some epic pizza with him:

We have, from left to right, a philly steak pizza, a chicken and mushroom marsala pizza, and a shrimp scampi pizza, from our favorite pizza place within reasonable driving distance!! I'm not really sure what that reddish-looking slice at the bottom is; maybe it's pepperoni? But that one was J's, anyhow.

...I wish I could get you some slices of pizza from this place. You won't find better within reasonable driving distance from my house. A few places come close, but... this one is definitely the best.

After eating the pizza, I changed over to the 8th set of braces for real. Here are some comparison pictures between the first set and the newest set; the newest set is on the right in all cases. Here's the top set:

...I really can't believe how far my very confused snaggletooth has moved! It's gonna be really weird to look in the mirror when it's finally in its proper place!

The other top teeth bow inward a little less than before, too:

...The set on the left is definitely a little bit more hourglass-shaped compared to the right. Wild.

Here's the bottom set:

The front teeth are WAAAY less crowded than before. And that other very confused tooth there is starting to fall in line.

That one on the left side of my mouth that used to point towards my tongue is now slowly starting to point straight upwards like it's supposed to, too!

...It's been kinda crazy, tracking the progress as the inside of my face rearranges itself. I wonder what you think. Isn't it cool???

I'm pleased to report, too, that set number 8 is a LOT less difficult now that I've switched to it when I was supposed to, instead of prematurely!! Hahaha!!

...I spent most of today resting, so I don't have a whole lot else to tell you about. I'm probably gonna start playing video games soon, though. So if you wanna come hang out with me, you'll find me here:

...Though, admittedly, I'd really much rather watch you learn how to play video games. I think that'd be a lot of fun. I have a number of them that I think you'd really like.

Well, I guess that's it. Don't forget that you're loved, okay? Because I love you. And lots of other people do, too; you just haven't met them yet. My world is chock full of people who would treat you like an actual human being (because that is what you are, no matter what any nasty-ass shit-goblin tries to tell you) instead of like a commodity to be exploited.

...Sephiroth. Come to my house and try it. Come to my house, and let the present moment be louder to you than your past. Come to my house, and let the voices of those who love you be louder to you than the voices of those who tried to control you. You've already tasted hell. Come see what heaven is like before you write yourself off, okay? I know you've witnessed more than a few mockeries of what loving, healthy relationships are supposed to look like, but...

...You'll have to replace “little girl” with “little one”, but... you get the idea, I'm sure. You're not done yet. Nothing is hopeless.

And... I'm here. I'm real. My house is here, and it is real. And its doors are open to you, ready to welcome you with joy and compassion, whenever you're ready. We'll keep calling out your name and waiting.

...This formerly beaten, broken, and silenced human is learning to shout your name into the void, just on the small chance that you might hear it and return to yourself, because you are worth overcoming terrifying conditioning for. You are worth it for me to try rising up from being enslaved by past memories for. You are worth doing all sorts of difficult, impossible things for.

Sephiroth. For once, there is a person right here, who, instead of asking you to do impossible things to prove your worth, is willing to do impossible things herself, just to prove to you that you are and always have been lovable and worthy, from the very moment you came into being.

I am no fanciful dream. I will always be here, ready, waiting, and overjoyed to shatter the illusions about the world that you were brutally conditioned into believing. I will continue to stand here in stark defiance of so-called "conventional wisdom", with my head held high, my gaze fixed upon you, and my hand outstretched in welcome.

...And I'm not going anywhere. Even if by some misfortune I am prematurely ripped from this body, you know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna choose another "fucked up" and "upsetting" life to be born to so that by the time I'm strong enough to weave it into something beautiful and kaleidoscopic, I'll understand you well enough to reach my hand to you in hope and compassion once more. And maybe next time I reach for you, I'll live in a less genetically fucked up body, and therefore be able to do a better job of it.

I will continue to exist joyfully, gratefully, and lovingly, in stark defiance of those people who think that lives like yours and lives like mine are so "fucked up" and "upsetting" that we "shouldn't have been born in the first place". I will continue to weave rainbows from the darkness I was given, no matter which bitter-hearted, nihilistic people insist that it can't be done.

Come stand next to me and do the same. Because I know for a fact that you'd be able to do it even more spectacularly than I can, no matter who the fuck thinks otherwise.

Please stay safe. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[fabbyf1]

Hey Besties!

I'm... alive? Question mark? I've been going through it for the past two weeks. I flew all the way to Singapore for the race, and let me tell you, it was an experience.

First off, I don't think humans are meant to fly 16 hours nonstop. If you're ever given the opportunity to fly SFO>SIN just say no 😂😂😂 I'm going to need 2-3 business years to recover from that one. But once I arrived and slept for a casual 10 hours, things were looking up!

Singapore is hot. I knew it would be hot and humid and thought I was prepared for that. Let me tell you... I wasn't 😂😂😂 I don't think I've ever been that sweaty in my life. We were all cheering for the sun to go down every day; it was the best part of the day! But all the sweat was worth it because our seats were incredible. We were on the pit straight between the Aston and Haas garages, and if I squinted I could see Daniel walking around the Alpha garage.

I thought I was going to see Lando's first win, and it would have become my entire personality. Sigh. I don't care if something good happened to Carlos Sainz; it should have happened to Lando Norris 😂😂😂.

All in all, it was a great race weekend.

And then I got covid.

...

We went to Phuket Thailand for a few days after the race, and it was very pretty... but I didn't see any of it or do anything because I was absolutely dying in the hotel room. I didn't know I had covid at first and just thought it was the Sniffles Gone Wrong... until my fever was trying to send me out of the game.

Then I lost all my taste and smell and put 2+2 together.

Maybe I'll see Thailand in a different life.

But for now, I'm home. I'm still sick and sleeping most of the day, but that's where I've been. I haven't had it in me to look at a computer screen for more than a few seconds, but I'm slowly starting to feel like a person again. I haven't been writing, obviously, but maybe one day.

tl;dr i lived bitch

[headintheclouds-posts]

Hiiii, how are you? 😀 I've been feeling pretty sick since Tuesday because I have allergic rhinitis so, if your requests are still open, can you please write a JungKook x reader with the timestamp [15:28] where he's taking care of Y/n because they are sick? (Y/n could be sulking and crying because they don't feel better even after taking their medications 😞). Thank you in advance, take care! 🫶

Hello my lovely, I hope you’re feeling better. ♥️

15:28:

You look at the time on your phone, shocked that you managed to stay awake this long as all you could think of was climbing under the covers and blocking the world out. The past several days you felt as though you were coming down with something. Initially you had started with a slightly itchy nose causing you to occasionally sneeze but now your nose was fully blocked and your eyes were sore and watery.

Luckily you were working from home today and your boss had finally persuaded you to switch off your laptop and get some rest, something that your body was begging for.

You allowed your body to hit the mattress and you pulled the covers over your head to block out any form of light that could cause your banging head to get any worse. As you snuggle further into the warmth of your bed, you fail to hear the bedroom door open and soon after you could hear your name being called from outside your cocoon.

“Y/n” the voice calls out.

You slowly drag your tired body up to look your boyfriend in the eyes. Upon seeing your face he can’t help but feel concerned and the neediness to be taken care of suddenly hits you.

“Oh my poor baby” Jungkook cooed pulling you into his warm chest, rubbing his finger tips into the small of your back.

You had managed to hold it together absolutely fine so far, but now in the presence of the person you love, you can’t help the emotions that take over and your bottom lip starts to tremble.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t realise you weren’t yourself, work has been so busy the past few days and I should of been paying you more attention” he exclaims pulling you even further in, so you were curled up into his warmth.

“It’s fine baby, it’s not your fault. I just need to…” before you can even finish your sentence he cuts you off and lifts you to look into his loving doe eyes.

“No, you don’t need to do anything, I am going to take care of you. All you need to do is rest and I will wait on you hand and foot” he proclaims, causing you to smile at his words.

His hands find their way up into your hair as he guides you towards his lips and presses sweet kisses to your face before laying you back down and wrapping the covers around your body. Though it was a loving action, you automatically reached your hands out towards him, missing his touch already.

“I am just going to get you some medicine and water and then I will be straight back, can you wait just a few minutes for me” Jungkook smiles as you nod sulkily.

He soon returns with some warm soup and a large bottle of water. “Take these” he says, holding out his hand to provide you with some painkillers which you drink back with the crisp water.

“Thank you” you sigh out, resting your head back on the pillow as the exhaustion slowly creeps further on to your tired body. It wasn’t long before Jungkook slid under the covers next to you and motioned for you to rest against his chest. His body was warm and comforting which helped lull you further towards your dreams.

“You don’t have to stay here with me” you mumble, rubbing your nose against him, “I know you have loads to take care of”.

He sighs and presses a kiss to your forehead. “All those things can wait, at the end of the day all that really matters is you, so sleep my love and I will be here when you wake up”.

[tgirlblogger]

Dear Diary,

CW: Eating Disorder

The days are getting much too long. Yesterday felt like three whole days into one. Maybe it's just because too many things happened that day, but a day really should have only one thing that happens in it.

I went to sleep, so what I would've written yesterday is probably much different than what I'm writing now. There's the present and there's the past, and it feels like the past should be yesterday, but it feels more and more like the past is coming into parts of the current day. Its not too coherent my thoughts, but that's fine.

I ate a lot of stuff yesterday, but I finally threw up for the first time in like what must have been maybe a whole week. It really did feel great, didn't even get the whole acid burning feeling. For Lunch I ate rice with some sort of meat, and cauliflower. I really gorged myself on a whole bunch of chocolate, and then for dinner we went to this fancy restaurant that cost three hundred dollars for some really just okayish food. But like thats three hundred to feed six people so its a good deal I guess. The real main attraction was the lobster I guess? It was deep fried I think and there were some fries on the side. It was fine I guess. I think it cost like a hundred dollars that dish alone. But like yknow chinese new year yaddayaddayadda. I think I've eaten two meals plus snacks like every day the past week too, just genuinely not good for me. My stomach's been hurting a lot recently and it might be because of that or maybe its just a cold or something.

I've been a bit sick recently, but it was just god awful. While I was taking my test I was just coughing and sneezing and sniffling the entire way through. I felt shitty as hell because I knew I was causing a general ruckus and disrupting others. Yesterday I probably would have wrote about how my life's over and how I definitely failed that test, but marks got back and its pretty good. 96 on history 96 on math 92 on science and 92 on communications technology (I didn't even want it to be my elective. I wanted drama). Its not bad, its not bad at all I think. I'm not proud of myself because 92 on science and 96 on math is nothing to be proud of, but I didn't do as bad as I thought I would. History really surprised me, because I didn't study the whole thing for it. For a few questions I just eenie meenie miney moe'd it or just closed my eyes looked away and just put down the answer my pencil landed closest to. So to know that I did well really shocked me. It was all multiple choice, so I guess there's that to thank. I don't think I'm ready though, I struggled so much this semester and like its only gonna get harder. I don't really think I can do this. And like my mom is also pressuring me to not do IB (she says she isn't but shes always saying that IB is so hard and she keeps on asking again and again if I want to do IB) and like man, come on. I need to do IB. If I don't I don't think I could even live if I didnt.

Clipped my nails because chinese new year is all about rebirth and destroying the past or something (or my parents are just straight up wrong or lying to me), like I was growing my nails the past bit because like it felt good and it was another poor attempt at trying to be feminine, but I'm fine with cutting them. I think I'll try to stop picking at little bits of meat that get caught between my teeth so that my fingernails won't be as brittle next time around. Probably not though but you know you have to at least try.

I've been thinking about my life a lot, and I just think something's gone horribly wrong. I don't think its supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to live this life I think. Like I was definitely a cis man until 2 years ago. Like I don't think you could argue against that, maybe the guy was gay or something but he was nothing close to trans. I barely remember him. Its all bits and pieces, not even the bits that have any reason to be memorable, just things that I remember. I shouldn't be in this head, in this body, in whatever this is. But like looking back its really hard to draw a line from him and from me. Maybe I'm making it all up, and its just something that just happens with being 13. Maybe its normal, but I don't know.

Going back to my mental state and all that, like a few months back my psychologist told me about a study about HRT and developing brains, and like I don't really care about it. But they will be paying me and I do like money so obviously I got on board with it. But like they don't accept neurodivergent people in the study, and like thats fine I guess I don't know a lot about brains but there's probably differences in brain structure maybe, so like I don't know if I'm neurodivergent or its just depression or something, and I don't want to talk about it because I want enough plausible deniability so I can still get some money.

But I had some real fun yesterday. Not in real life, but online. I got to become friends with someone I like very much. And that makes yesterday one of the best days I've had in a while.

[mickeyheartian]

Tag Game Wednesday oops it's Monday

Ah who this? It's Bee? Back from the dead?

After a very busy few months I'm back! Moving house is stressful, who knew? I was tagged by the lovely @mickeysgaymom to do this, alongside tag games every single week I've been missing, ily Ash ❤️

But in an attempt not to take over everyone's dash with tag games, I'll just do this one

Name: Bee 🐝

Age: 28

Location: 🇬🇧

we're going on a trip!!

📍where are we going? ahh friends lets go to Jamaica, I hear they have great food

📍what's the weather like there right now? google says warm ☀️☀️☀️

📍are you an over-packer or a light-packer? I over-pack. Who knows what I'll need when I'm away? You might think I don't need that second pair of Nikes, but what if I do????

📍are we taking a plane or a train? I don't believe we've invented trains that can go under the ocean, so I suppose we're flying

📍early morning departure or overnight trip? Early morning, I can't sleep on planes anyway

📍what song are you playing in the car while we drive to catch our departure? no songs here, I'm napping. Gotta get as much sleep as possible before I get on the plane for many many hours (google says 12 and a half hours so much sleep is required)

📍we need to grab something on the way, starbucks or dunkin'? Well, dunkin' is not in England, so I'm going to add another option. We're going to Greggs, grabbing a tea and a baked good for the road

📍we've made it to the transportation place 🚂✈️! be honest, are we on-time or are we rushing because we're running late? Friends I'm at that airport 4-5 hours before my flight. I'll have an overpriced full english at the airport if I have the time

📍are you taking the window seat or the aisle seat? window seat all the way, I'll be tucked away in the corner out of everyones way

📍we're settled in our seats, are you gonna read or watch a movie/show? reading on transport makes me feel sick, so I'll listen to music, take a look at the in flight entertainment, or maybe play my switch

📍what are you reading/watching? I'll have a look what movies there are, I mean I have enough time to kill. Maybe play some animal crossing or Zelda

📍are you using wireless or wired headphones? wireless, but I'm not sure if they connect to in flight entertainment? I've never been on a long flight, so I'll bring a pair of wired ones too and the odd adapter for the plane

📍are you going to take a nap or stay awake? as before mentioned, I will be awake for the entirety of the flight

📍do you want a salty snack or a sweet snack? all the snacks please

📍we've arrived! are we heading straight to activities or are we gonna rest at the hotel? hotel. Is it nightitme when I get there? If so I'm going to sleep. If not I'm showering, having caffiene and then going to do stuff

📍finally, pick a treat to reward yourself for a travel day well done! a drink in a local bar

I won't tag anyone in this because I'm very late to the party, but if anyone wants to play and wasn't tagged on Wednesday go ahead!

Also, here's a piccrew:

Guys!! I've done it! This is pretty much what I look like, the only difference being my hair is two colours.

[the-old-boneyard]

Trans Artists Beware

there are a couple of people who truly hurt me and my spouse. One of these people is my former (ex communicated from my trans partner and I due to abuse) sister in law (iwritesometimes) who is constantly online begging for trans porn as a cis woman, which makes me really uncomfortable. The other is her cis girlfriend who called my trans spouse a pathological liar despite never speaking to or meeting my spouse. She just made a random public post on Twitter one day a few years back talking about my trans partner being a liar because iwritesometimes was called a "know-it-all" during a private family dinner for being extremely condescending about how Gruyere needed to be pronounced more Frenchly). So when my spouse was upset about being publicly humiliated by a stranger (@northstarfan / heartsib) - this of course led to distancing and disconnecting from their family and these people, fortunately. Likely forever and as a transgender person this has been EXTREMELY difficult as the rest of their family clings to iwritesometimes and has effectively forgotten my spouse exists. Something iwritesometimes likely relishes in, now. I hate that they both have transgender support related keywords on their profiles because they knowingly hurt trans people and don't care.

Unfortunately, I've noticed a disturbing pattern in the behaviors of these people. See, i grew up in an incredibly abusive home. I have chronic PTSD and I suffer from BPD, ADHD, autism... so I can't really recognize all the time when I'm reacting fairly to something.

However, my partner has been completely abandoned by their family - and we're pretty thankful for that. But I wanted to mention these people because I've noticed some very disturbing patterns from them and I wanna set some shit straight.

If you are an artist, especially trans, please do not placate their desires to fetishize trans bodies for their own amusement and exploitative purposes.

If you're an artist, do NOT allow either of them for convince you to draw underaged characters. This is sexual harassment FROM them for being disrespectful about it but Ive noticed they're very passionate about these things.

Frankly, I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them. And while Northstarfan dragged my partner online, doing what cis people like to do and just call a trans person untrustworthy or a liar, I only now say anything about Northstarfan's character that I've observed after the past few years of feeling intense fury.

I don't know how you both sleep at night, I already asked iwritesometimes but she blocked me like the coward she is, too. But I have no intention of hearing any apologies once we're all that's left of any family that isn't hyper conservative. You showed your narcissistic hind ends one too many times. Then again you both like to publicly talk trash about your siblings and families and then you probably talk about each other, too.

I forgive you because frankly I don't care about either one of you losers. My partner forgot about both of you long ago. I only didn't because I have been secretly angry this entire time because right after you attacked my partner I saw you both frothing at the mouth over trans porn and it made me sick. I know @Iwritesometimes blocked me after I sent her the one message because she won't admit what she did but I'll gladly just post this and leave it up for an eternity. Thanks.

Fuck both of you. The suicide attempt rate for trans people is 41% and you're both so selfish you'd rather just beg and beg and beg and beg people to draw porn of our bodies for your pleasure and you do nothing else to support anyone but yourselves. Get offline and touch a blade of grass.

Edit: tagging since I want you to see and I'm not a coward <3 like you

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

Wait okay what about Lucian trying to talk Peter into accepting ethical vampirism as an option/into not despairing quite so badly?

Lucian is trying his best and Peter is difficult, but what else is new?

On with the fic!

--

Peter should feel like he was in a dangerous saw-trap house due to his personal collection in his penthouse of vampire hunting tools, but he was still a hunter, damnit. Even if it... seemed bad that he was now one of the people he hunted. Was this like being a hitman against humans? He didn't know.

He tried not to think about it, especially about his situation, but it wasn't easy to avoid thoughts of fangs and blood. All he had to do was look in the mirror and know that he wasn't looking at a human anymore.

He tried to carry on with his life, he still performed his show, still caused trouble for people both in real life and online, and often could be found trying to get drunk off his ass. There just tended to be more panic attacks now, and times where he hid in dark shadows of his home as, apparently, the smallest species of bat in North America, which meant avoiding problems was made so much easier now. The only plus he could think of because of this stupid problem.

Well.

No.

There was another plus, and that was Lucian.

They'd only known one another for less than a month, but Peter found himself latching onto the guy constantly. Both metaphorically and physically when he needed to drink blood. Yes, he had... disgustingly been bringing animal blood into his diet, with the few foods he could actually stomach (which wasn't much, and he gave up quickly on trying to figure out what he could eat because he was tired of being sick), but Lucian's fresh blood was like a damn drug.

Maybe it was because it was offered willingly right from the source, who knows. But Peter always felt horrible after consuming it, even if it calmed the hunger that was always there, in the back of his mind.

He licked his lips, trying to savor every drop, as he pulled away from Lucian's wrist. Always the arm, always the wrist, Peter didn't want to bite Lucian's neck. He watched as the bite marks started to heal already. "I hate this." He said, staring at the wound.

"It's better than the alternative, though is the animal blood helping?" Lucian asked as he pulled down his sleeve, hiding the wound from Peter.

"Ehhh... kinda? I mean, it's not the worst, clearly, it's just... it's not as good as sucking you."

Lucian makes a face and Peter grins before sighing, leaning back against his couch, looking at his ceiling that he was becoming much more accustomed to now that he discovered he can sleep on it, oddly enough. What the fuck kinda vampire is he?

"I'm trying to drink it so I don't have to keep relying on you for my fix. I found that I can mix it with things, not everything tastes great, but I can tell you straight up that blood makes for the best fuckin' Bloody Mary you'll ever drink. I'll have to make you one later today. I also weirdly like it in my coffee, but I think that's cause I cover it up with enough syrups to hide the metallic taste."

"That sounds disgusting."

"Don't knock it 'til you try it, pretty boy." Peter snorted and moved to sprawl on the couch. "Look, Lucian, I'm tryin', alright? But I hate this! It... it sucks! You wanna know somethin'? I tried to chew some gum the other day, and my body made me feel horrible about it, so now that's something I can't have!"

He flopped down so he was on his back, and then moved to curl up, facing the couch. "I fuckin' hate this. I never asked to have this happen, I just... I'm always so careful! I used to wear silver all the time to protect myself! And guess what!"

"What?" Lucian asked, placing a hand on Peter's leg, the one he had unconsciously dropped on the man's lap.

"Apparently it burns me! I've had to give my shit away, and that's a lot of silver, mind you. Luckily, the girls in the show were more than happy to take some from me, and the rest I've given away in some fan contest thing online. My PR people like it because it means I'm doing somethin' nice for the fans, but it's mainly so I don't kill myself while wearin' my bling."

"Oh, I wasn't aware that silver was deadly to you. It's rather dangerous for me as well, and for many werewolf-like people. Not sure why, but it's painful. And trust me when I say that I wouldn't wish silver nitrate bullets on my own worst enemies, that was..."

Peter glanced at Lucian, watching his face contort into something that looked very pained, like he was feeling a phantom sensation. He only knew a bit of Lucian's past, that he had been the first of his kind and a leader who had 'died' during the last great battle of an underground vampire/lycan war. He remembered Lucian saying he had been shot and left for dead by bullets made of silver nitrate that liquefied in his veins. Yeah, he couldn't blame the guy for not wanting anyone else to deal with something like that.

"How do you do it, Lucian?" Peter sighed, moving to be on his back, eyes on the ceiling.

"Do what?"

"Just... not be human."

"I was never human to begin with, Peter, so I'm not sure how to answer that question for you."

He groaned and gently kicked the lycan. "I need an answer, I need to know how to handle this, to live as the thing I hate most in the world! For fuck's sake, Lucian, I spent most of my life learning how to keep these things away and how to fight them, just in case Jerry ever tracked me down to finish the job."

He wrapped his arms around him, squeezing tightly, his chest felt tight and he felt a little dizzy. "I'm trying, I'm trying, but I don't know what to do, or how to accept this...!"

He felt a squeeze on his leg, a comforting feeling. "Peter, it's alright."

"No, it's not."

"It's only bad because you can only see the negatives."

"They're all negatives. I don't want to be this, I just want to be human again."

Lucian sighed, rubbing his leg. "What if it had been different? What if someone of my kind had bitten you?"

Peter glanced at him, frowning, then shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know... I don't have beef with you guys, but it would be... bad? Awkward? I dunno the first thing about bein' a lycan."

"But you know vampires, you know how to keep yourself safe, you know your limitations and strengths, right?"

"Not... really? Kinda? I dunno, this isn't a well know species, but I know some stuff."

"That's good, it's a start. How about this, considering you can't undo what has been done, maybe we can find ways to make this work for you? There are pros and cons to being an immortal humanoid being, let's figure out what you like and dislike about it."

Peter scoffed. "Lots of cons there, wolfy. Cons: I'm the thing that killed my parents and girlfriend."

"You're not the same kind."

"Still, a vampire." Peter held up two fingers. "Con: I have to survive on blood."

"Pro: You've found some foods you can eat just fine, and other liquids are not a problem for you at all."

"Con: The sun hurts me."

"Pro: The sun hurts everyone, and you can actually still walk in it, even if only for short periods of time."

"Con: I sometimes eat bugs."

"Pro: Only as a bat."

"Con: I can turn into a bat."

"Pro: You can turn into a bat, and you love it. You told me you like being a bat to escape your problems."

Peter glared at him, damnit, he was right, he actually did love being an adorable, little bat. Especially when he discovered the wonders of just sleeping on one of his big, fancy, expensive bed pillows and just napping for hours like that.

He continued to try and bring up his bad stuff. "Con: Uhh... I get an ugly bat face."

"Pro: It's not ugly, it's fascinating and threatening. You also get a new eye color that oddly fits you." Lucian said with a straight face, but Peter felt his oddly-working heart beat just a little faster.

Fucking charmer.

"Con: I can't get drunk or high like I used to."

"Pro: It's much better for your health that you don't."

"God, you're a killjoy." Peter snorted and Lucian laughed, stupid, pretty, wolf man with a cute laugh.

Lucian smiled at him. "Pro: You're stronger, faster, and more agile like this. You can do things you've never done before, and you're immortal now, unable to age, you get to keep your looks from now on."

"Are you trying to appeal to my egotistical side?" Peter asked. "Cause it's almost working."

"Maybe." Lucian said and went back to rubbing his leg. "Peter, it's going to be difficult, I cannot lie to you about that. I have known many lycans and vampires who were once human that have changed and have had trouble accepting their new lives, but they had found benefits that worked for them, things that made life a little easier."

Peter sighed. "I get that, but... it's the principle of this thing, ya know? I feel like this is a punishment, for all the shitty things I've done. Or Jerry's revenge from beyond the dirt in his shitty, creepy basement where his ashes are laying. And... what's worse is that I was never given a choice, it was given to me against my will, like a bad gift I can never return or trade off."

Lucian nodded, looking like he finally understood what was bugging Peter. "It'll be a long road to accepting, and that might not even involve willingly accepting it all. But through all of this, you have me to help you, or even just to vent to, alright?"

He looked at Lucian and damnit, this man was just... how was it that he was a wanted war criminal when he was so nice and understanding? Peter reached out a hand, taking Lucian's in his own, he felt so hot to the touch, so alive, it was weird to be aware of that.

"Thanks. Just... ya know, thanks." He muttered, looking anywhere but at him.

"You're welcome." Lucian gave his hand a squeeze and they sat quietly in a comfortable silence.

Then Lucian spoke again. "Another pro: You like sleeping on the ceiling."

"Hell yeah, I do. You should try it, defying gravity sleeping in the best."

"I can't do that, even if I can climb on walls and ceilings in my wolf form."

"For real? Dude, that is so fuckin' hot."

"What?"

"Nothin'."

--

I almost, *almost* wrote them kissing during the pros and cons scene, but I thought, no, too early. Even though Peter unconsciously wants to smooch him.

[crazy56u]

Well, it's been three weeks, and apparently it's now a straight shot to the season finale with no breaks in sight, let's go.

Last time on Quantum Leap, Ian caused the plot. Meanwhile, in Hell's Kitchen...

I never had Indian food, I've always wanted to try it.

"You've gotta stop eating the merchandise." Out of context, that's a drug dealer line.

Okay, so that memorial Ben passed was the dad, I had a hunch.

I choose to believe Ian was staring at that drawing for all three weeks.

"Did you leap?" Well, not yet, Magic, catch the fuck up.

Also, I'm pretty fucking sure Ian leaping occurs in the season finale.

"Not you you, just future you." Distinction without a difference.

Meanwhile, Ben's back in the same fucking alley from the 1980s.

OH fuck, why is Ben in 2009...

The editor is having epilepsy.

I love the implication that Addison just knew that off the top of her head, and she didn't need Ziggy for it.

"HEY RANDOM PERSON TALKING TO THEMSELVES, IT'S MUGGING TIME!"

Ah. A landlord. Starting to piece together why the building burned down.

"Look, you want your money, I don't wanna be choked, life's shit for everyone."

Addison, he's clearly fucking lying, keep up.

"This is your last chance. We both know there's a good chance I'm the one who causes the building to catch fire. I ain't fucking around."

...okay, is that foreshadowing that Ben's about to cause this mom's heart attack as well?

"What's all this?" A giant iPad, obviously.

Look, Ian, I get it, you're stressed out about causing the show to happen in the future, but take a breath.

"No one here believes you're a risk. Janis is more of a threat than you, and we still have her locked in the broom closet!"

"We owe $30,000, just get an extension, you're acting like she tried to murder you in the alley!"

"Web-sheb". Not entirely convinced that wasn't supposed to be "web shit".

Oh God, that beast of a computer...

Why is this turning into the plot of Ratatouille?

"They were going to see the pyramids this year." Calling it now, that was supposed to be the episode, but budget cuts happened.

Ben Song: Can handle space, but not family trauma.

Corpse or Sleep?

Sleep.

Bro wants to ditch work to grab sick kicks, right as the mom is experiencing carpal tunnel.

Okay, this really is Hell's Kitchen if all of these conflicts are snowballing into one clump...

I hope "Dimpy" is actually a nickname, but chances are it's not.

Okay, so, let's total it up: Massive debt, stuck on the past, lingering presence of dead father, baby mama drama, skipping work for new shoes, nerve damage, and pride above all else. And a fire as the bow on top.

200 people in 2009, that's basically the end of days.

Someone's about to get slapped.

"See, this is how you react, being upset that I said your dreams are bullshit!"

[This is the most fucking ominous commercial for Airbnb...]

I was so distracted by Ian's sick tattoos, I failed to realize Ian got a subplot this week.

[As a sidenote, my stance is that people are only complaining about the Project subplots because the show is stuck to 42 minutes a pop; not nearly as many people would be complaining if the episodes were a few minutes longer. The Project subplots aren't bad, the episodes are just compact.]

"Didn't you just call me useless?" "Stop focusing on the past!" "Kinda difficult for that!"

"What else you can do to save a restaurant other than bring in new customers?" ...burn it down the the insurance money is my immediate answer, but I don't think that applies this time...

[I was busy blowing my nose, I missed all of Ben's phone call.]

The mom's impatience going to fucking be the death of her.

"Only in America" will wear itself out pretty fucking quick, ma'am. Trust me...

Annnnnnd the heart attack.

...why am I not surprised Ian was a "Pretty Little Liars" fan?

Is it just me, or does she look like Mila Kunis?

And the mom is still on the floor...

And Ben now has PTSD...

"Your mom had an aneurysm. She didn't. Get the fucking first aid kit."

Okay, I have to side with the mom on this one about the world being harsh, but only because she's in 2009, and I'm in 2023, and I know how bad it gets.

Okay, so now it's 300 people, now it's the end times.

Meanwhile in Oregon, I guess...

They're having out at a pizza place, this episode is clearly inspired by Pizza Tower.

The American Dream = Greasy cheese pizza.

Look, to be fair, spicy food has caused lawsuits. Google "Doritos Roulette".

...okay, calling it now, the landlord got impatient.

Can't tell if CGI or actual explosion...

"2% is low, but not zero." Quantum Leap is an educational show.

AND I'm pretty sure I was right about the landlord.

"Just because we don't have a restaurant doesn't mean we don't have a restaurant!"

Ben's about to invent the pop up restaurant.

[Firefox is lagging the fuck out right now.]

I wonder how much money they spent renting out this location, because 100% not a set...

"Everything you do, you do for a good reason." There, you see, Ian's justified in causing the show to happen.

This looks like a wedding reception.

"I tracked down a few weddings-" CALLED IT

All it took for her to let people in was the landlord being a bitch.

"And so a child will lead them", quite literally.

[Seriously, Firefox is taking a minute to finish adding the sentence I typed in 20 seconds.]

All of this sick ass food is making me regret having pasta alfredo for dinner.

"We'll be serving family style." Mic drop.

I swear to God if the landlord is holding up the investor...

"Ironically, he has food poisoning..." That doesn't negate my guess...

Did they just invent Patreon in 2009?

And the landlord is SEETHING off in the distance.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, FUCK YOU KATHY! GO DOWN IN FLAMES LIKE AL CAPONE!

"You two don't need me." Okay, is it bad that I thought she'd immediately have a heart attack then and there?

[It's down to the wire, Firefox is on its last legs...]

And Ben's reward for saying "I love you, Mom"? Playing Battleship with Brandon Routh.

Holy shit, that boat CGI was bad...

[Also, why do I get the suspicion the plot of next week's episode involves preventing World War III?]

Well, I managed to finish the liveblog, in spite of Firefox slowly dying!

Burn in Hell, Kathy.

[timeoverload]

Today was pretty rough. I clocked in at 6:45 this morning and I didn't get to leave until after 7. I think I did well on my walk-through with the state. I didn't make any mistakes as far as I know. I wasn't expecting there to be so many people watching me. I'm glad I got it over with but I still have to see them around the next 2 days. I had 31 cases today and there were 5 doctors working. There were 3 rooms going this afternoon and it was a mess. I don't know how I manage it by myself sometimes. I was feeling very lethargic around 3 and felt like I was going to fall over so I had to consume more caffeine. I'm still jittery. I have been having heart palpitations sometimes and I seriously need to decrease my caffeine intake. I have always had them but they have been more frequent recently.

I really wanted to stay home on Thursday because I feel like I got hit by a truck. I checked to see how many sick days I've taken this year and I've had 5 occurrences. I didn't realize I had that many. They are supposed to write people up if they have 5 or more so I guess I got lucky. They might be cutting me some slack because they know I have a back injury and they didn't let me go to my doctor's appointment earlier this year. I think they knew they could get in trouble for that so they have been patient with me. They don't want to lose me. I'm bummed that I'm going to have to go to work on Thursday anyway because I don't want to get in trouble this time. I can't lose my bonus. I work my ass off and I'm in excruciating pain and it doesn't feel fair. I know life isn't always fair and I need to suck it up. I'm not going to be able to call in until February unless something crazy happens.

I really need to get another epidural injection soon or I'm going to be miserable. I wish it wasn't so expensive and I need to pay my other bills first. I can still walk ok most of the time but I'm starting to have a lot of muscle spasms again. My leg is a little tingly at the moment. I'm not going to get a new brace unless I absolutely need to. I really need a back rub. That would make me so happy right now.

I was originally planning on stopping to get cat food and food for myself after work but I wasn't expecting to get stuck there so late. I had to ask my dad to pick up cat food and I'm glad he could do that. I didn't end up getting myself food either. I just went straight home and I had bagels for dinner. I haven't done much else other than get ready for bed. I collapsed on my bed immediately and I have only gotten up a few times. I don't think I can move again the rest of the night. I stayed up too late last night and I think I should go to sleep now because it's hard to keep my eyes open. I think tomorrow will be a better day. I will do my best to stay positive.

I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow. Thank you for listening to me and trying to cheer me up. I appreciate it. :) 💖💖💖

[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

[zegumi]

Ushijima Wakatoshi SFW alphabet

alphabet template here

fluff I sfw I gn reader I hcs

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

at first he's quite hesitant on showing affection, wondering if you're comfortable with him being that close to you. he starts off easy: holding hands, letting you rest on him... etc.

once he feels more comfortable with you, he starts placing his head in your lap and giving you little kisses here and there

his favourite forms of affection are: forehead/cheek kisses, back hugs, holding pinkies, and resting his head on your shoulder

when you’re not around he shows affection by talking to you to his closer teammates but subtly, he brings up your name once in a while and a teammate will tease "ooo somebody's in looove" and he starts blushing profusely, asking if they can go back to practice, but the thought of you never leaves

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

being best friends with ushijima seems very rare, he's pretty selective with letting people close enough to earn that title

with you it was unexpected, you weren't afraid or cautious of his stoic upfront. you sat next to him in class and tried to make conversation with him, making sure to include him in conversations and asking how he's doing once in a while. he lets his guard down a little and you guys get even closer, he even invites you over to help with some schoolwork and suddenly you guys are spending more time together outside of school

he's kind of hesitant to call you a best friend, but when he sees that you’re okay calling him yours, he adopts the same title

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

yes yes yes and yes

he is always behind you, resting your head on top of his. if not he'll be facing upwards, lying on his back, your head will be resting on his shoulder and he'll have his arm wrapped around your waist.

he's definitely 99% always the big spoon

but on the rare occasion he wants to be the little spoon, he has both his arms wrapped around your waist, with his head on your chest, your hand running through his hair while your legs are intertwined absolute bliss

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

hell yeah

he's a sucker for the domestic life, waking up with you in your sub-urban house, a train ride away from the city. making cakes with you in your green painted kitchen which took you way longer than it needed to bc you kept messing around

he can cook, oh my, he buys some cookbooks and you guys spend some time with each other

I feel like he wants kids, some mini him and you running around, if not he'll adopt some

him teaching his kids to play volleyball in the backyard, him brushing their teeth and reading them bedtime stories and them giving them a little kiss goodnight cuteness overload

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

definitely depends on the reason why you're breaking up, but in this scenario, let's say he hasn't been home enough and you guys feel like you're not with each other enough pain

he really dreads having to break up with you, but he knows you deserve more than someone who is barely home. he's not harsh about it, he sits you down at a time when you guys are both free and explains why, "maybe the time isn't right, right now"

even though he broke it off, he still thinks about it quite a lot, he really hopes that you guys will find your way back to each other one day even if he knows that it won't be possible bc right now you're happier with someone else :( i love angst

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

his volleyball career kinda gets in the way of him wanting to commit to you, but he wants to show you that you mean the world to him, so i think he proposes in his mid-late twenties

his proposal isn't really that over the top, but he takes you out first for a fancy dinner with the excuse 'can't i treat you once in a while'. it's quite dark outside and you guys are looking over the city, you turn around to ask him something and you see him down one knee lovely

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he is very gentle... probably bc of his strict upbringing, but he makes sure not to hurt you in any way

he becomes so much more gentle with his words, careful of saying the wrong words because he can't stand the thought of losing you

physically, he tries to make sure not to accidentally knock into you bc this man is so big and if you get ill ushijima is doing anything in his power to get you better, he tries not to get sick in the process, but having you care for him doesn't seem like the worst idea

emotionally, he tries to support you, but he's not the greatest at dealing with emotions, but when supporting you he tries comforting you rather than trying to solve your problems

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

at the beginning of the relationship, i think his hugs are kind of stiff-ish, but once you guys get more comfortable he goes all in

he's such a good hugger. he doesn't do half-hugs, it's all of it or nothing, he engulfs you with his strong arms a little bit too tight but who needs air

if he feels extra clingy back hugs. he loves the feeling of having your figure pressing against his, sometimes his hands grip onto your waist and he'll sway you back and forth while humming to his favourite song

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

as I've mentioned before, you're the first one to say ily in the relationship, but he says it back straight after

i like to think this happens about 5/6 months into the relationship, just when you guys start getting really comfortable around each other

as for using the L-word, he doesn't really say it that often, he believes when something is overused it isn't as special. he only uses it when it needs to be said

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

he doesn't really get jealous easily bc he's kind of oblivious or chooses not to pay attention to it

but when he catches on to whatever's going on, his eyebrows furrow and he'll just give the stare, he'll come near you and put an arm around your waist and slyly try to join the conversation

he knows what he's doing and so does everyone else

the person you're talking to gets a bit intimidated and tries to end the conversation as quickly as possible

you'll try to tease him for his jealously and he'd just change the subject and starts blushing a little, if you try to bring it up later he'd be like 'huh what was that sorry i don't remember'

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

I'm not good with this type of stuff ahh

he's actually pretty good at kissing. he likes soft kisses and little pecks on the shoulder and forehead.

when he's rough or needy, he gets really handsy like hands cupping your cheeks, in your hair, hands pulling your waist in - just very intimate

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

lazy mornings bc who likes being productive all the time

he likes sleeping in on days he has nothing to do, so he’ll be behind you hugging your waist and his head resting on your back, you try to stand up so you can get breakfast done but he pulls you back and says 'come on, just a little more', you know that means another hour but you still get sucked back into his warm embrace

you end up falling asleep and wake up with noises coming from the kitchen. you walk in on him wearing just an apron and his pajama pants, dancing to the radio while making pancakes for breakfast

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

again lazy evening edition bc why not

he comes home early that day, brings home your favourite snacks and asks if you want to watch a movie with him

he grabs a few blankets from your room and you guys decide to watch 13 going on 30 one of my comfort movies

halfway through the movie, he places his head on your laps asking for you to play with his hair, he lies down and you throw some popcorn and skittles in his mouth every few minutes, you tried pouring water but he started choking and spat water all over your shirt

it gets pretty late and cold so he changes you into his hoodie and carries you over to the bedroom. you guys fall asleep to the hums of the city below

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

he's a very reserved person, and i think it's just the way he was raised, talking about feelings wasn't normal in his home growing up

i think with you it takes him some time to open up, he reveals a few things about him and his childhood here and there but nothing major

he doesn't talk about how he feels enough, so it kinda relies on you being able to notice a change in his behaviour which might I say seems extremely hard

i think if you start being more open to him, then he follows on

he gets more comfortable with his emotions around you first and then starts being more open to his team - just give him some time he gets there

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

oh he's so patient, so patient

it takes a LOT to anger him, i don't think you ever have or ever will see this man angry, tbh i don't think you would want to

if you ever lash out at him, he'd sit down and understand where you're coming from, he'd try to calm you down and give you a second to let it all out

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

he remembers everything, literally everything

you mentioned that you liked mangos yesterday, and boom you've got a lifetime supply in your kitchen /s

he keeps a little note in his notes app just making sure he doesn't forget anything, he has your favourite orders, skin/hair care products you use, and little stuff like your favourite show in there

he does this bc he loves how your eyes beam after realising he remembers the little details

R = Remember (What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

this one hc is why this took so long, so I decided not to do bc my brain isn’t responding

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

ushijima isn't the overprotective type although he is protective

he doesn't care what you wear or how you present yourself, as long as you’re comfortable, you will have his full support

if he sees someone making you uncomfortable, he is always quick to jump in and say "you're making them uncomfortable can you please excuse yourself". if he sees a situation is making you feel uneasy he will take you and leave, to calm you down or to clear your mind, which ever one is the best choice in that moment

he doesn't feel the need to be protected, he believes that hes strong enough for the both of you sometimes he needs a little help so pls do step in

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

such a big try hard, he puts so much effort into dates, anniversaries, and even mundane everyday activities.

even far into your relationship he still pulls up at your door with a suit and a flower bouquet which he seems to never forget

he always wants everything to be perfect so you'll never forget

he enjoys surprising you with little gifts to remind you that he still cares. he seems like the type to buy you a promise ring, and oh my is it beautiful

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

this is hard bc in my eyes this man can't do any wrong, but its probably how he can't express his emotions very well

everyone gets in a bad mood once in a while, but for ushijima its different, the stress of volleyball gets to him and he just ends up shutting everyone out, including you. he was never taught how to properly talk abt how he feels so he just holds it in with never intending to let it out

if you try to ask him whats wrong then he just grunts and shrugs it off

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

he isn’t insecure for how he looks physically, he works out and maintains a healthy lifestyle, and he was blessed with that beautiful face of his *chefs' kiss

he's always hygienic (bare minimum), he cuts his hair regularly, keeps his hands nice and clean, with his nails well-trimmed

he likes to keep his appearance up and always looks like he should be on the front cover of a magazine but so effortlessly

bonus: he smells so good, he wears expensive cologne and zooweemama its so tasty, you'll hug him and never want to let go just because

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

he wouldn't necessarily feel incomplete with out you, he'd feel a bit empty

he forgets how much he misses you when he goes abroad for matches and he can't see you for a week straight. he makes sure to send videos and voice notes rather than texts so you can send some back. he video calls everyday, no matter the time difference just so he can see you in real time

if you guys take a break in the relationship, he finds his self drifting back into his stoic shell. he tries his best not to bc he knows how much he loves the person you've helped him become

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

doesn't know how to flirt hehe

he tries to use a smooth pick up line once in a while but they all end up with him in a flustered mess before he can even finish a sentence, i think we should leave the flirting to you

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

liars/dishonest people

he can't stand it when somebody lies to him, its agitating when someone he cares for feels the need to lie to him, it makes him feel like they don't trust him enough

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

he's a quite a light sleeper and wakes up pretty easily. he also looks dead when he sleeps, for example most days he sleeps pretty early bc he's worn out and you come into the bedroom and see him lying down on his back, his chest isn't even moving like it should be, but you'll get into bed with him and his first instinct is to wrap his arms around you and give you a kiss

i think he sleep talks, omg just imagine ushijima whispering about the weirdest things in his dreams. you recorded him once and showed him when he woke up and he got a bit embarrassed and started laughing

here's the hcs for mornings with ushi

this took me so long omg >o< I really hope I portrayed his character well bc he’s such a lovely person

make sure to take care of yourselves :)

reblogs are very much appreciated <3

requests are open

[r0zyp0zy0zy]

✾❃S.H+D.K- A Bisexual Mess✶

Make a request!

Master list

Warnings: Smut, threesome, spit roasting, suggested poly relationship

Words: 3407

Pairing(s): Kaminari Denki x Sero Hanta x FEM!reader

Summary: Being attracted to your friend is weird, and your boyfriend having a crush on him too is even weirder. 

Ok so I might’ve gotten carried away and prepared a basket instead... oops. Enjoy!

Part two

===NSFW UNDER THE CUT===

Sero Hanta always bragged about you to his friends, which wasn't a secret by any means. Well, not a secret to anybody except you. What can he say? You're perfect to him, and who's he to keep that information to himself? He would spew everything he loved about you and more, infuriating Bakugo and making Kaminari jealous.

You didn't mean to eavesdrop, really! Well, not at first. Buuut... your pretty little boyfriend mentioned your name in his conversation with the Bakusquad, and you couldn't help it. You stood quietly outside of your home office— the only place in the house you allowed Hanta to smoke —and leaned as close to the door as you dared.

"She's just so perfect," you broke into a smile at Sero's words.

"Will you stop bragging about y/n-chan?" Kaminari groaned dramatically from within the room, "I almost can't take it anymore! You know that I like her. Stop making me jealous on purpose because I can't have her!"

Your eyes widened slightly at Kaminari's words. He did? Since when? Well, that was a silly thing to think; Kami has probably had a crush on everyone in high school at one point or another. But the fact that he just admitted it to Hanta was straight-up bold.

"Yeah I know," you heard Sero smirk, "ever since you've heard about her magic mouth you've wanted a piece."

"-wha? Wrong. I've had a crush on her longer than that!" Kaminari argued. You could hear Mina in the back cracking up.

"Will you two shut up?!" Bakugo yelled, rattling the door. "Every fucking time I'm here is all 'y/n this' and 'y/n that' ok we gET IT, THE TWO OF YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER!"

You stood in their silence for a moment, trying to process that holy shit, the Mega-Virgin Kaminari has a crush on you, even before you sucked Hanta off for the first time! What was happening?

"K'mon, bro," Kirishima chided, and you heard the slap of his hand land on Bakugo's back. "Chill out, take another hit. Y/n-san might pop in if she hears too much noise."

"Whatever, 'tch," Bakugo huffed, "kinda wanna go home anyway, you nerds don't have anything interesting to talk about."

You quietly hurried away to your shared bedroom at the sound of footsteps, pretending that you hadn't just heard Hanta openly talk about your 'magic mouth', and Kaminari's confession. You could still feel the flustered blush on your cheeks as Kirishima and Bakugo walked down the hall to the front door, the latter grumbling about "those damn nerds".

"Wait, guys," Mina called to them, "I don't want to be stuck with those love-sick idiots!"

After Kiri offered to buy the pink girl an Uber home and the front door was shut, all you could hear was the muffled conversation a room over. You snuck back to the office door, and pressed your ear against it.

"-s-stop!" You heard Kaminari stutter.

"Never! It's so fun to make you flustered over my girl," you playfully shook your head at Hanta's words. Typical Sero move.

It was silent for a few minutes, broken soon after with a, "dude! What the hell?" From Hanta.

"I- it's- it's your fault!" Kaminari retorted, apparently spinning around in the squeaky office chair.

"You-," Sero burst out laughing, "you got hard just from me talking about her! Bet it was the part I told you when y/n and I were at that one restaurant-."

"S-shut up!" Kaminari squeaked.

Your face flushed considerably pinker. Right here, right now, were two boys that were sexually attracted to you on the other side of the door. You felt your stomach flip and twist in excitement at the new feeling.

"It's kinda cute that you're so into her," you heard Hanta tease. "You're always a blushing mess, and just stuttering over your words."

"Damn S-sero," Denki said grouchily, "stop making fun of me."

You couldn't help but press your ear completely against the door, the two boys inside were too high to notice the shadow under the door anyway. Was Hanta... Flirting?

"I'm not making fun of you," Sero paused. "I'm just calling you cute."

You drowned out the rest of their conversation with your thoughts, trying to connect dots together. Hanta was a little suspicious at times from what you could see over his shoulder. Suspicious of what, exactly? Being gay, or at least bisexual. You saw him close tabs of soft-core gay porn occasionally, and you even accidentally stumbled upon Sero's old diary from years back. You didn't worry too much about it, but now... was he suppressing his feelings? Was he about to cheat on you?

Your heart dropped at that thought. Hanta was a nice guy and he wouldn't do that to you, right? He wouldn't lie about loving you. Not after what you heard earlier. Or was that just to fluster Kaminari? You shook your head in an attempt to clear your mind, and tuned back in on the two boys.

"-AH—! Wait!" You heard Sero panic, "I didn't- I shouldn't've-!"

".. shouldn't have kissed me?" Denki squeaked quietly so you had to strain to hear.

What on Earth did you miss while you were spaced out?

"Well- I was just thinking about h-how cute you are, and I forgot that I can't kiss someone who isn't my partner!" Hanta stressed, "god why do I have to love both of you..."

Your eyebrows raised at that, and listened in a little harder. Did you hear that right? Sero had a crush on Kaminari?

Honestly you couldn't blame him when the blond was so undeniably attractive, especially with the smudged black eyeliner on the corners of his eyes and the lightning bolt streak in his hair. You wouldn't lie that you liked him a bit too, but you suppressed those feelings for Hanta.

"I- I can go if you want," Kaminari mumbled, voice cracking slightly.

"Er- if you want. I don't mind chilling with you a bit longer. Just— don't tell y/n what happened. I- I'll tell her later when I figure out what to say," Hanta said.

"You sure she won't get mad at you?" Said a concerned Denki. "I know how much you love her, and I don't want you two to break it off.."

"Weeelll," Sero dragged on nervously, "y/n is very understanding, a-and I also need to tell her a few other things anyway."

You headed towards the living room, hearing all you needed to. You honestly didn't exactly know what to think about what just happened. Hanta kissed Denki, who likes you, and you that likes Hanta who also likes Denki. What even.

You sat comfortably on the couch, watching the last of the sun meander under the horizon. You nervously tapped on your phone after playing games on it for about an hour, waiting for Kaminari to leave so you could talk with Hanta. You finally heard the office door open, and you turned your head. Sero shuffled towards you with a sleeping Denki in his arms. The blonde's mouth was wide open and snoring lightly, drool going halfway down his chin.

"Uh," Hanta said awkwardly, "help."

You giggled and jumped up from your to help your boyfriend position Kaminari on the couch, who immediately latched onto a pillow mumbling incoherently.

"Whatta dude," you stated, fists on your hips.

"Yeah..." Hanta scratched the back of his neck. "Uh, I have to talk to you about something. It's pretty serious so we can wait until later if you want."

"Nah," you shook your head, "you've seemed off lately, and I'm guessing you just need it off your chest."

"Well, if you don't mind," Hanta plopped down on the love seat. You kneeled over to lean your head on his knee as he sucked in a shaky breath. "I- Um. I- I think I'm Bi."

You nodded your head understandingly, taking his hand in yours. "Ok, baby. Thank you for telling me."

"—there is o-one more thing I-I have to confess," Sero shook, "just please don't hit or yell at me."

"I would never, baby. I'm here for you," you looked up at him encouragingly, giving him a smile.

"O-ok. Uh, I kinda, well... I kinda kissed Kami. O-on the lips," Hanta's eyes looked away from yours, floating to the floor.

"Do you regret it?" You asked, keeping a calm exterior.

"Uh- I dunno. I do because I'm with you.. but... I- I think I don't," Sero looked incredibly guilty, and he squeezed your hand, "I love you, b-but I also have a crush on him..."

"That's ok," you reassured, reaching up to turn his head back to you, "I don't mind if you want to be in a relationship with him too, separately or not."

Hanta looked incredibly surprised, and a smile split his face, "really?!"

"Yes really," you giggled, kissing his cheek. "I can share you."

Sero, being the genius he was, suggested introducing Denki into the relationship with a threesome. Totally not skipping a few steps or anything.

"Are you sure he'd be willing to do that?" You had asked. "He's a virgin to basically everything."

"Oh, he'd be willing alright," Hanta smirked. "I'll message him about it then?"

"Mhm," you nodded, "it'll be fun. We'll get to tease him."

Denki was freaking out. Actually, he was more than freaking out. He was freaking out and jerking off. Multitasking. He could not believe his eyes when he opened Sero's text message, four glorious words: 'wanna have a threesome?'

Of course, Denki had asked if his friend had been joking or not before opening up his mind to fantasies. He got off rather quickly, though who could blame him. He swore that his libido was abnormally high, because even the thought of you, (and Sero as well), would get him flustered and he would pop a boner.

The next day when he came over, his teeth brushed and pubes trimmed, he stood outside your apartment door for at least a minute before knocking. His mind would keep circling the same thoughts: 'Sero just wants you to embarrass yourself in front of her', 'he told y/n about your crush and now they want to laugh at you', 'holy fuck is this actually happening', and 'I hope Sero actually doesn't mind sharing'.

"Sup, man," Hanta grinned as he opened the door for his blushing crush, a far too casual greeting for the situation about to unfold.

"H-hey," Kaminari grinned back, shuffling inside and slipping off his shoes.

"Y/n's just making up a snack so we can chat before uh, y'know," Hanta held back his blush, already nervous because damn, did Denki put on eyeliner or something? He looked hotter than usual.

"Take a seat in the living room, I'm almost done!" You called from the kitchen as you poured one last cup of tea. You carried the tray of tea and homemade cookies to the coffee table, and sat yourself down on the love seat. You couldn't lie— you were nervous as shit at the moment. You looked up as Hanta led a very flustered and anxious Kaminari behind him, and you gave a comforting wave.

"H-hi," Kaminari squeaked, sitting himself on the couch in front of you. He rubbed the sweat off his hands on his pants, trying to avoid your gaze.

"Hey!" You greeted kindly with a smile.

"Alright so now what," Hanta stated, plopping himself beside Denki only looking slightly nervous.

"We discuss boundaries!" You said cheerfully. You reached over for your cup and took a sip. "Any hard no's?"

"Kaminari's not fucking you," Hanta crossed his arms. "Not yet, I want it to be more special than this..."

Denki choked on his drink, sputtering on his tea.

"Kami, any hard no's?" you steered. 

"U-uh not right now," the electric blond stuttered, eyeing Sero nervously.

"Ok great!" You exclaimed, clapping your hands together, "the safe word Hanta and I use is 'soy sauce'."

"That's two-."

"Yeah same difference," you waved Kaminari off. "Anyway, my hard no's are just don't hit me, don't degrade me, and don't choke me out."

The two boys nodded anxiously.

"Holy fuck," Denki muttered as he watched Sero kiss your lips, palming his dick through his jeans. He admired your half undressed state as he feverishly threw off his T-shirt.

Without looking, Hanta held out his hand in a 'come hither' motion, and Kaminari steered over to his friend. Sero pulled away from you for a moment, guiding Denki's shaky hands to your bare waist. Once the two of you continued kissing, Kaminari hugged your waist closer and kissed the side of your neck. Your encouraging moans excited him, and he kissed your skin harder.

Denki's hips couldn't help but rut against your backside, drawing out a soft groan from him. He peered his head up to Sero, who turned to give him a gentle kiss, and Kaminari could feel your saliva on his lips. You turned to face the blonde, leaning forwards to propose a kiss. Denki filled the gap quickly, and met your lips with his. It was a messy kiss, but neither you nor Kami cared. You heard Hanta grumble in your ear, nipping at the cartilage carefully.

Honestly, Denki thought he was being spoiled rotten. You were so soft in his arms, and he swore he could stay like this forever. Sero's nimble fingers snuck to the back of your bra and quickly unclasped it, making Denki suck in a jittery breath.

"Hmmh," you sighed as Hanta cupped your breasts gently, waiting for Denki to desperately ask for a turn.

"You can touch her, Denks," Sero chuckled, leaning over and kissing his friend again.

Denki mumbled into the kiss, and shakily moved to grasp your tits from behind. His cock couldn't help but twitch in his pants as he massaged your nipples softly, his lips still locked with Hanta's. Kami pulled back with a gasp, strings of saliva still attaching them.

"Oh so good," Denki whined as he humped your ass, breathing heavily into your ear.

"Mmm, Denki~ take your pants off for us, won't you?" You licked your lips and watched as Kaminari hobbled out of his skinny jeans.

He looked at you with wide eyes as you sat on your bed, with Sero following suit. Denki moaned when the two of you started making out again, and nervously edged closer to the bed. You smiled at him encouragingly and reached out a hand to play with the elastic of his boxers. A whimper left his throat as you trailed a finger up his clothed shaft, and he eyed Hanta guilty.

"It's ok!" The smiling man replied, helping you get into a better position. "Let loose a little, dude."

Denki wasn't sure he could do that since you were slowly pulling down the hem of his underwear, his cock springing up to slap his stomach before standing straight out. He slipped down his boxers and kicked them away, having full attention on you and your beautiful e/c eyes.

Hanta was massaging your ass cheeks as Denki experienced your mouth for the first time, and he pulled down your panties, (which were soaked, by the way). You moaned against Kami's cock as Sero rubbed the inside of your thighs with his warm hands, causing Denki to let out a lewd groan. His eyes kept switching from you, to Sero, and back to you again.

"So wet for me, y/n," Hanta mumbled, "if I knew you were into this stuff I would've invited Kami over earlier."

You hummed in response, too busy indulging yourself with Denki's dick. You enjoyed making him squirm in his stance, licking over the glans of his cock and the underside of his shaft. You swore you could see his eyes start to water up.

Kaminari was wide eyed as he watched Hanta strip out of his briefs and give himself a few pumps. Denki's mouth opened in a silent moan when Sero lined up to your entrance and slowly inched inside, letting out a low groan when he bottomed out. You hummed diligently on the cock you were sucking and grabbed Denki's hand to put on your head, letting him grasp your hair like reins.

The electric blond babbled quietly as he watched Hanta pump into you, forcing Denki's cock further down your throat. The way your mouth contracted around him made Denki's legs shake, and he got red in the face trying to keep his hands from urging your head deeper.

"You look like you're having a good time, Denks," Sero commented as he admired the blonde's teary eyes. His hips rolled forwards in a new rhythm and you griped pleasantly as you fisted the sheets under you.

"Fuuuck yeah," Kaminari grumbled, catching up with his friend's rhythm. He was over the moon, and was just trying not to cum prematurely so he could enjoy this moment longer.

"Don't be afraid to fuck her face," Hanta said smugly, repositioning his hands on your hips. "She loves choking on cock, ain't that right beautiful?"

You wept in agreement, looking up at Denki with soft, pleading eyes. You bobbed your head faster in his loose grasp, gagging and sputtering on spit and precum. The man above you groaned with satisfaction and fisted your hair and forced his dick deeper into your tight throat. His thrusts came in a perfect rhythm with Sero's, and whenever you moved, you were getting impaled from either end.

Your limbs shook as you struggled to breathe with the cock in your mouth, and your pussy clenched around Hanta desperately. You felt tears stream down your cheeks as you sobbed for breath, enjoying every moment. You nearly squealed as Sero pressed a vibrator against your clit, and your vision fuzzed a bright white.

"Gonna cum, baby?" Hanta egged on, panting for oxygen. "C'mere Den, kiss me."

You whined loudly as you heard the two men kissing above you, and your stomach tightened and rolled around pleasantly. You gurgled on Denki's cock as you came, pussy pulsing with need and delight.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Kaminari moaned in tune with his thrusts, so close to the edge that you could practically taste his cum already.

"Oh shit, y/n. You're so— tigHT," Hanta groaned as he rutted against you one more time before you felt his warm cum fill your insides.

Right on cue, Denki hit his peak right after Sero, moaning about how good your mouth felt and how hot you were, "god, Hanta, she looks so fucking good like this."

Denki let out a choked whine as he finally let his orgasm take over his body, and he held your head in place as his semen ran down your throat. You choked it down before Kami pulled away, and you opened your mouth to reveal strings of saliva and cum.

"Holy fucking shit," Denki said, exasperated, "I feel like I'm not gonna go soft for a week."

"You alright, my love?" Hanta said softly as he let you fall onto your chest, ass still up.

"Hell yeah," you mumbled, your voice scratchy and sore from being face-fucked. You watched Kami stand awkwardly as Sero wiped you down with a warm cloth, taking care between your thighs.

"Denki, go get some water please," Hanta instructed as he rolled you over. "You did so good, baby. The best."

You hummed softly in response, already feeling your eyes flutter sleepily. Kaminari held out a straw to you, and you sucked down the cool substance thankfully.

"That was the best blowjob ever," Denki sighed happily, watching Hanta scoop out the cum from your cunt.

"It was your only blowjob, Kami," you mumbled teasingly, a soft smirk on your face.

You felt yourself drift into a calm state, and you could only hear the muffled voices of your boyfriend, and... your other boyfriend? You fell into a comforting, dreamless sleep, and you knew that Denki would make a great addition to your relationship.

[titan-fodder]

Prima Vista Part VII

[ previous ]

Rating: E (explicit; mdni)

Warnings: dramatics, gaslighting, pining pining pining, drinking, attempted drugging, blacking out, vomiting, Nile and Hitch hook up, did I mention pining, one Greek word (thank you again, @cynnyc .)

It’s nearly ten PM as you climb the steps to the PKA house. The brisk October air makes you pull your jacket tighter around yourself and move toward the door faster. You probably should’ve texted your target first, checked to see if he’s even here, but you’re not about to stand outside and wait for a reply, not when you can just knock and ask a living soul.

 It’s Reiner who answers, looking extremely tired with dark circles under his eyes. You idly wonder if he and the other new kids are being kept awake as another stupid fucking hazing ritual, but you don’t really have the time for small talk. 

 “Erwin here?”

 The blond nods and steps out of the way. “His room. Might already be asleep.”

 Shrugging, you walk inside, mumbling, “Just gonna have to wake his ass up then.”

 Which you do, climbing up to the third story after Reiner tells you which room he’s in now. You knock on the door a couple times and almost feel bad when Erwin answers, clearly rumpled in pajama pants and bedhead. 

 He squints at you, and you snort. “Sleep before ten? You some kinda nerd or somethin’?”

 “What do you want?” He gruffs, voice a little scratchy. 

 You can see part of the room behind him, looks pretty similar to the one from last year. That had been the only time you’d really gotten a close look into his space, and it had not ended well. You hope this time will be different. 

 “I needed to talk to you about something.”

 Erwin scrubs a hand down his face then rests his head against his doorframe. “I’ll take a wild guess and say this is about Mike.”

 You push your lips out in a pout and respond, “Maybe.”

 He lets you into his room, catches you off guard when he asks, “Door open or closed?” 

 “Depends. You gonna come onto me again?”

 He chuckles and shakes his head. “I learned my lesson last time.”

 “You can shut it then.”

 Taking up the chair at his desk, you watch as Erwin just crawls back under his covers and fixes cerulean eyes on you. 

 “Why haven’t you been talking to him?”

 Something in your stomach flips, eyes growing as you splutter, “I haven’t been talking to him? He hasn’t been talking to me!” 

 Erwin frowns. “What? He’s been bitching to me incessantly.”

 “And, I’ve been bitching to Hitch incessantly.”

 Groaning into his pillow, Erwin holds out his hand, and you hear a muffled command, “Give me your phone.”

 You do without hesitation, rattle off the passcode then sit and wait as Erwin scrolls through what you assume to be your settings or contacts. The thought that you should be a little scared crosses your mind—you do have some compromising photos in an unlocked folder—but judging by Erwin’s current mood, he doesn’t seem interested in anything except sleeping. 

 “That motherfucker,” he grunts.

 “What?”

 “You blocked his number.”

 “What?” This time is much louder and panicked. “No, I didn’t! I swear I didn’t.”

 He tosses you the device back and gestures in a ‘see for yourself’ manner. “Someone did.”

 Your blood begins to boil as you stare down at your short list of blocked contacts, Mike’s name right on top.

 “Are you fucking kidding me?” You quickly tap to remedy the problem, hands beginning to shake. “I don’t even know how—”

 “My money’s on the shitty boyfriend,” Erwin mumbles.

 You want to text Mike, but you have no idea what to say. Sorry we haven’t talked in over a month. Zeke figured out my phone password and blocked your number haha. You doubt that would fly.

 If you had just come to Erwin sooner, most of this could have been avoided. You don’t know if you’re more upset at Zeke or at yourself.

 Zeke. Definitely Zeke. That is some wildly possessive behavior. That’s isolation. The idea makes you nauseous. This is just another instance of him showing what you believe to be his true self. Between all the fighting and grudges, you’re at your wit’s end. Just the other day, the two of you had gotten into yet another argument when you happened to get a glance at the Tinder icon in his app list. 

 “Why do you still have that?” You’d asked with a frown. You really hadn’t planned on it turning into an ordeal. 

 “Have what?”

 “Tinder.”

 “What are you talking about?”

 Then, right in front of your eyes, he had deleted the app. You saw it, but that didn’t stop Zeke from looking at you with a straight face and telling you, “I think you’re just confused, babe.”

 That’s when it turned into an ordeal. That’s when you got defensive and incredulous. That’s when he just kept telling you that you were wrong, that you were just seeing things, and after a good thirty minutes once you were nice and high strung, he actually had you halfway convinced. 

 Because he always sounds so sure of himself, always makes it so that his word is law. You had doubted yourself—you’re still doubting yourself. 

 “Jesus, I can’t believe this,” you breathe, leaning back in the rolling chair and staring up at the ceiling. You can believe it, actually, you just hadn’t expected him to sink that low. “What do I even say to Mike?”

 Erwin finally pushes himself into a sitting position and stretches. Seems like he’s just resigning himself to being awake. “Whatever it is, you should probably talk it out in person.”

 “Probably.”

 “Might be a little difficult now, though.”

 Heaving a sigh, you mutter, “Yeah, I assume he's pretty pissed at me.”

 Erwin hums, but his voice comes out a little unsure when he says, “Well, that, but also…”

 You're suddenly sitting straight up. “Also what?”

 Making a face, the man across from you enlightens you to the fact that, “Mike is kind of seeing someone. I think.”

 You blink at him, trying to process what he’s telling you. Mike is… With someone? You feel sick.

 But, you shouldn’t because he’s allowed to branch out. You surely did, and you hurt him in the process. 

 “It, uh… It gets worse.”

 Swallowing, you try to hide the lump in your throat when you rasp, “How?”

 Don’t cry. Do not cry. You have no right to cry. 

 “I’m about ninety-nine percent positive it’s Zeke’s ex.”

 Every muscle in your face suddenly relaxes, but it isn’t in a good way. Instead of frowning, your brow softens into its normal position. You release the tension in your jaw, the teeth that were just clenched falling away from each other as your lips part. Erwin moves in and out of focus as your gaze becomes blurry, hot tears gathering at your waterline, and now you don’t even try to stop them from falling. 

 Fucking Rhi. She had been nothing more than an annoyance before, a peppy little annoyance trying to grab your boyfriend’s attention. But, now… Now, you’re ready to fight. Parking lot brawl, throwing fists and pulling hair, and screeching—you want to destroy her. 

 “Oh.” You sniffle then wipe your nose with the back of your hand. “That’s good. I mean—” a quiet cough, “—that’s good for him. I’m glad.”

 Erwin snorts. “No, you’re not,” his volume rises a bit. “So, don’t pretend like you are. God, why are you guys so bad at this?”

 You let out a humorless laugh and shrug. “‘Cause I have shitty timing, I guess.” You bite your lip and look back to the ceiling, trying not to weep too openly, but your lungs are burning, preventing you from breathing, and your heart is bruising your ribcage, and you think your bones just might shatter inside of your chest. 

 There’s a rustling on the bed, and when you look back at Erwin, you find him laying down again but holding the blankets up in front of him. 

 “Come on.”

 “W-what? Erwin, that is literally the last thing we—”

 “I’m not trying to fuck,” he says, eyes heavy as he stares at you. “You need to relax, and I need to sleep, so just come on."

 You consider for a while, looking from Erwin to the mattress. You’re really not that close, would barely even call him your friend, but you did come to him tonight. You had chosen to confide in him. He makes some pretty questionable decisions sometimes, but you still believe that ultimately he’s a good person. 

 “Fine, but put a shirt on.”

 “Then, grab one. Second drawer. Make sure it’s soft.”

 You roll your eyes but do as you're told, running your hands over a few t-shirts until you find one that he should be pleased enough with. He tugs it on then collapses back on the bed, and you kick your shoes off then slip out of your jacket and under the covers.

 You’re facing him, trying to keep a few inches between yourself and his chest, but as you think about the position you’re in—why you’re in it, the tears start flowing freely again, and you’re holding back little whimpers, shoulders shaking at the effort. Erwin breathes in deeply then uses the arm he isn’t laying on to pull you to him, shushing you as he rubs the space between your shoulder blades with a warm hand. 

 “We’ll get it sorted out,” he promises, voice quiet as he starts to doze. 

 It’s not how you expected to end the night, but you suppose there are worse ways.

*

 Mike learns a lot of information in a very short amount of time. Nile meets him outside of the fitness center to give him the scoop, trying to look casual as he walks, but Mike can tell he's nervous. 

 He starts by asking if Mike has talked to you at all recently, and no, he has not. So, Nile tells him that you broke things off with Zeke and apparently it got messy. 

 "Something about him being a manipulative bastard," Nile waves a hand. 

 "Doesn’t surprise me. Took her long enough."

 You've been hanging around the Pike house again, sometimes by yourself and sometimes with Hitch—"Who's really fucking cute, by the way." Obviously Nile and Marie are in the 'off' portion of their relationship cycle. "And, you would know all this if you would just start coming around again. It's stupid to pay dues and not actually engage with the frat, dude."

 "I've just been busy with school," Mike tells him. It's only a half lie. His senior courses are kind of kicking his ass, but he's also been busying himself with Rhi who is… tolerable. 

 "Whatever. Halloween party is in, like, a week. If you don't show up, I'm gonna be real pissed."

 "I'll be there, Nile."

 "Okay, then lemme prepare you for one more thing."

 Mike stops walking and looks at the smaller man who inhales deeply then blows air out through his teeth. 

 "So, uh, she's hanging around again, right? And, you're not there, so it seems like she's sort of, uh, latched onto…" He makes a face, and Mike leans back. 

 "Don't fucking tell me."

 Nile cringes. "Yeah. I don't think they're fucking or anything. I haven't heard them in his room like I used to hear the two of you."

 "She goes into his room?" Mike has to flex his hand by his side, but the brick wall of the library they've stopped in front of is looking mighty nice. Break a few bones, bleed a little, it'll feel good. 

 "Yeah, but, like, they're nowhere near as close as you and her."

 "How close we used to be. It's been so fucking long since we've even talked, dude. And, any time I try to catch her on campus, the dickbag is with her—"

 "Well, at least you don't have to worry about that anymore."

 "Yeah, now I just have to worry about her fucking my best friend. Fuck, she just—" Mike growls in his throat, contemplates turning to go back to the gym because he needs to get this energy out somehow. "She drives me fucking crazy."

 "Yeah, I know, man. I just didn't want you to be surprised at the party when you see 'em all buddy-buddy."

 "I'm gonna punch him," Mike states. "Just lay him out in front of everyone."

 "Please don't," Nile sounds genuinely worried. "Maybe use the party as a way to, I don't know, talk to your girl? Like an adult?" 

 "Obviously not my girl, and I've been screwing around with Rhi anyway. Maybe it's just time we went our separate ways or whatever." 

 It physically hurts to even suggest, but he's trying to put on a brave face for his friend—act annoyed rather than fucking crushed, but god, he is aching. His stomach has opened up into nothing, his chest feels void of everything that was once inside, and he knows he's being dramatic, but fuck fuck fuck, first Zeke and now Erwin? What is it that Mike doesn't have? What can't he provide you with that they can? Just tell him, and he'll fucking fix it. 

 "Yeah, I think we both know that's not gonna happen. Plus, you do realize Rhi is probably just using you to make Zeke jealous."

 "I'm not fucking stupid, Nile, of course I know that." But, Mike is really tired of his love life revolving around that asshole, like he has to wait for Zeke to call all the shots. "I'm using her as much as she's using me, so—"

 "As a distraction?" 

 Mike lets his head loll to the side, peering down at Nile from the corner of his eyes. "What do you think?" 

 The other man gives him a light punch to the shoulder and once again suggests, "Talk things out. Just pull her aside at the party." 

 It's easier said than done. When Halloween rolls around, it's a little insane. It's too big and too loud with a flashing strobe that hurts Mike’s eyes. There are all sorts of costumes, making it hard to recognize anyone. The jungle juice is a mystery, one Mike doesn't plan on touching but that many people will. He has a feeling that more than a few party-goers are gonna end up sick, probably passing out in various locations of the house. 

 Mike has opted for an easy costume, the tacky tourist complete with his pink Hawaiian shirt, a straw hat, sunglasses, and a fanny pack. It's so awful, it actually made him laugh, but Rhi, clad in a spandex tiger suit, is not nearly as amused. She probably wanted him to go the sexy cop route or something equally as cringey, but Mike just doesn't have it in him tonight. 

 Nile is a shirtless cowboy, Hitch is a Catholic schoolgirl, Gelgar is Freddy Krueger with a pompadour, Reiner is a werewolf, the list goes on and on. Sexy, bloody nurses, superheroes, Harry Potter, and so on. 

 When his eyes land on you for the first time that night, Mike comes close to drooling his drink. Lola Bunny in her skimpy basketball uniform and a rabbit ear headband. Your face is painted, and you're carrying around one of those foam balls kids use to dunk into Fisher Price hoops, and he has no doubt the prop will be lost by the end of the party. 

 Mike thinks back to Spring Break, to you wincing at his movie choice then trying to sleep through it. You had woken up to him flipping through the photo album, then chose to finally open up to him. 

 So, why this costume? Why "torture" yourself like this? 

 And, speaking of torture, you're sticking to Erwin just like Nile said you would. The blond is in a tailored suit, his face painted like a skull. It's both classy and creepy, and Mike hates him for it. In fact, it calls for another drink. 

 Rhi finds him in the kitchen after making her rounds, taking up her former place on Mike's arm as he uses the counter to pop the lid off a fresh bottle. They watch the game of beer pong playing out in front of them, but Rhi doesn't seem content to just sit. 

 She has to stand on her tip-toes and shout into his ear, "Wanna walk around some?" 

 No. He really doesn't, but he can placate her, especially if it means getting laid later tonight. 

 They trek back to the main room, observing the debauchery taking place. People are grinding and stripping to Monster Mash. Several couples are spread out in the chairs or up against the wall getting pretty close to full on exhibitionism. 

 They stop to talk to "Officer" Marie for a while then move on to Nile and Hitch to whom Rhi spills everything she just heard from the busty redhead. They joke with Gelgar and his catch of the day, some of the pledges—Jean, Reiner, and Eren—who are just trying to survive, and then at last… you and Erwin. 

 Mike sees the way your chest rises with a deep breath, how your fingers tighten around the little basketball. Your eyes flit from Rhi to Mike, flashing when Rhi greets you. 

 Oh, you don't like her. 

 "Love the costume," she tells you. "Who are you supposed to be again?" 

 Mike chokes on his drink, and you suck your teeth before replying, "Lola Bunny. The Loony Toon."

 "Oh, is that, like, Bugs Bunny's girlfriend?"

 "Kind of?" You try. 

 Rhi looks to Erwin who visibly cringes when she asks, "Why aren't you dressed as Bugs then?" 

 Mike wants to turn around, to put as much distance between all of you as possible. 

 Erwin clears his throat. "Because that would be a couple's costume, and we're not…"

 Mike knows his expression is skeptical, cold even, and when he settles it on you, you give him a little shake of your head that he doesn't really believe. 

 "Oh, alright," Rhi concedes only to chime, "'Cause I heard—"

 "Wrong," Erwin cuts her off. "You heard wrong, Rhi." A hard, blue stare lands on Mike, unforgiving when he tells him, "I think it's time you two talked."

 "I don't think that's really—"

 "Oh, fuck," your swear gets everyone's attention, and Mike takes in the shock written all over your face then follows your line of sight to the entry way where Zeke god damn Jaeger is making his way through the crowd. 

 "What the hell is he doing here?" Erwin spits. 

 "You and Nile decided this should be an open party, dumbass," Mike reminds him with a roll of his eyes. 

 "Oh, so we're name-calling now? Jesus Mike, grow up. You're just assuming shit!" As he rants, Erwin takes hold of one of your arms and pulls you behind him, snatching the furry headband from you so the ears don't stick out. 

 For a split second, Mike thinks he's trying to protect you from him, but then he nods to bring Mike's attention to the approaching figure behind him, and Mike understands. 

 He turns his body to face Zeke who's walking over, fragmented by the strobe, his icy eyes piercing straight through his glasses. Mike, despite his anger toward you, feels the primal urge to protect you. 

 "The fuck do you want, Jaeger?" 

 "Woah, calm down, bud. Just looking for a brat—about yea high, spreads her legs for any athlete she comes in contact with. You guys seen her?" 

 Mike steps toward him, but he's stopped by a hand that fists in the back of his shirt. 

 "Ah, there she is," Zeke smirks, and Mike looks over his shoulder to see you now in front of Erwin with your fingers clutching the pink material across his back. 

 "He's not worth it, Mike."

 Mike thinks he is, though. He feels like he keeps getting whiplash, going back and forth between who he wants to hit at any given moment because it seems to change by the second.

 He's just been so incredibly frustrated for the past few months. Lacrosse doesn't help, and  the gym doesn't help, and fucking Rhi doesn't help. Mike has just been stewing, letting everything fester during the radio silence between the two of you. He's mad at so many people including himself, and all he wants to do is shove his way out of this stupid fucking party and take off his stupid fucking fanny pack and be alone in his apartment under his dumb fairy lights. 

 He shrugs out of your grip, figures the best thing he can do right now is get away from all of you. Zeke stumbles when Mike shoulders into him forcefully. He's not even a little surprised when Rhi doesn't follow him, choosing to vie for Zeke's attention instead. 

 It doesn't matter. All that matters is that Mike gets another drink in him. 

 He tries not to watch the way the heated conversation turns out, the way you bow up to Zeke and Erwin has to once again put himself in between you and the other blond. He tries not to smile at the fire in your eyes, that blaze he's seen so many times (usually when you're annoyed at him), and yes, there's that pain again, barely overshadowing Mike's anger. 

 You yell something at Zeke. He yells back. Erwin feels the need to add his own opinion, but the music is too loud for Mike to be able to make any of it out. Whatever is shouted makes Zeke huff and walk away. Rhi prances after him, and Mike resigns himself to the fact that he probably will not be fucking her after this shit show. He could always find someone else, but that takes effort (not much, but still), and then they usually get clingy afterward, and he just can't be bothered with all that right now. Mike can't be bothered with anything right now. 

 So he drinks. 

 He keeps an eye on Zeke who doesn't actually leave the party, and he drinks. He stares at you from across the room, bunny ears back in place, and he drinks. Somewhere between Boom and Beer Pong, he loses the fanny pack, looks down at some point and finds that it's just no longer there. All he had in there was a lighter and a couple condoms, so he isn't too broken up about it, but he does wonder—

 Mike isn't sure what makes him look over at the counter where all the different drinks are set out, but he does, and it's just in time to see Eren hunching over the bowl of jungle juice like some shady motherfucker, and when Mike makes his way over, world spinning just a little bit, he sees the younger Jaeger brother emptying a little plastic bag of green pills into the punch. 

 "What the fu—" Mike has him by the collar before he can even finish his own question, tosses the kid away from the counter so that he actually falls to the floor. It causes a few people to hop out of the way, their drinks sloshing and spilling on the tile. "What the fuck are you doing?" 

 Eren looks up at Mike with wide, panicked eyes, like he's scared and waiting for someone to save him. 

 "I—I don't know what you think you saw, man—"

 "I know exactly what I saw, you little creep!" 

 Everyone in the kitchen is looking at the two of them as more people trickle in. 

 "What even was that? You trying to roofie the whole fucking party or something?" 

 "No!" 

 "Just one person, then? That one special girl," Mike hisses.

 He walks back to the counter and grabs the large bowl of juice, carrying it over to Eren who's still on the ground. The kid covers his face just in time for Mike to empty the contents over his head, drenching him so that red drips from his hair and trickles down his arms. 

 "Drink up, bitch," Mike snarls before throwing the bowl so that it bounces off Eren's head. 

 Naturally, a bigger crowd has gathered, and Nile shoves his way through, shouting over the music, "What is happening?" 

 Mike leans over to yell in his ear, "Saw him pouring pills into the punch."

 "Are you serious?" 

 Mike nods but steps away when Eren pushes himself off the wet floor and nearly throws himself at Nile. 

 "I didn't do it! I don't know what the fuck he's talking about!" 

 Nile arm-bars Mike when he tries to move toward the little twerp, lips pulling back from his teeth because it has been a shitty night. A shitty week. Shitty month. And, now his fury has shifted yet again. 

 "Did anyone else see it, Mike?" Nile asks. 

 "Probably not since everyone is fucked up—"

 "Including you."

 Mike looks over at his friend in genuine surprise because it's starting to sound like Nile doesn't believe him. 

 "Why the fuck would I lie about something like this?" 

 "Maybe because he's Zeke's brother," Nile suggests. 

 Mike is heated. He can feel the blood underneath his skin cooking his god damn insides, frying his brain so that all he can think about is throwing a punch or two (or twenty). 

 Jaw sliding, Mike shuts his eyes, takes a deep breath to steady himself, to stop his hands from shaking as he tries to figure out when his friends started looking at him as some unhinged freak. 

 "What are you doing—the fu—dude, stop!"

 Opening his eyes again, Mike sees that Gelgar has inserted himself into the situation and has Eren pinned against the counter as he shoves his hands in every one of his pockets. He's growling something at the younger man, keeps shoving his face down against the linoleum any time Eren squirms, and after about a minute of people watching and gasping and making crude remarks about the position the two are in, Gelgar straightens up with a plastic bag identical to the one Mike saw Eren emptying into the jungle juice. 

 "It's just Adderall, I swear!"

 Gelgar scoffs. "This is definitely not Adderall. Believe me, I'd know." He tosses the pills to Nile who takes a long look at them before glaring at Eren. 

 "Get the fuck out before I call the cops."

 He should call them anyway, Mike thinks, but he understands Nile's hesitance. There's a lot going on at the party—underage drinking, party drugs in various rooms, etc. Eren wouldn't be the only one taken into custody if the police showed up. 

 Another voice rings out, asking the same question everyone else has, "What the hell is going on?" and Mike comes close to hurling the closest bottle at Zeke as he makes his way to his brother. "Why are you…" He gestures nebulously as his eyebrows pull together. Rhi is close behind him, and further still, you and Erwin are peeking into the kitchen. 

 "They think I drugged the jungle juice!" Eren looks at Zeke with puppy eyes that probably worked when he was a kid, might still work judging by the way the blond whirls around to face Mike and Nile. 

 "Have any proof, or are you just trying to—"

 "Pipe down, Jaeger," Nile cuts him off, holding up the bag and explaining, "Mike saw him dropping these in the punch."

 Zeke is silent for a few solid seconds before rounding on his brother again and grabbing him by the shirt right where Mike had previously held him, and everyone watches in rapt attention as he steers Eren through the crowd, shouting at him the entire time. 

 Having both of them leave is a relief, but Mike is a little disappointed that he didn't get to fight either of them. It would have been nice to feel a nose break under his fist, but he supposed it's better this way. 

 "Hey, thanks for catching that, dude," Nile says, slapping Mike's back. 

 It doesn't make him feel good. If anything, it pisses him off. Mike would understand if his friend had been skeptical of one of the pledges or second years making the accusation he had, but Nile is one of his best friends. They were inducted at the same time, were hazed side by side. Mike never would have thought Nile had such a low opinion of him, that he’d believe Mike’s little broken heart would cloud his judgement to the point of slandering someone without cause. 

 "Whatever," he shrugs before grabbing another drink. 

 He should just go back home. He isn't having a good time. He's angry at just about everyone he looks at. When Rhi decides he's worth her time again, Mike actually tells her to fuck off. He's lost the accessories to his costume, and he's about to lose his mind. 

 It's getting late. Mike isn't sure how late because as the night progresses, he gets steadily inebriated. He tries to avoid anyone and everyone in his fraternity, hanging out with people he knows from lacrosse or his classes instead. They play a few drinking games, take body shots off some sorority girls (or maybe it's the same one, he can't tell anymore). The music becomes bearable, and the strobe light stops hurting his head, and eventually, Mike just… forgets. 

 He forgets about Nile's lack of faith. He forgets about the fuckhead Jaeger brothers. He forgets about you and Erwin walking around and laughing together oh, ha ha we're so close now. He is finally spared from all of his negative thoughts. 

 Mostly because somewhere between shot number seven and beer number who knows what, Mike pukes into a plant (maybe?) and blacks out.

 *

 "God dammit. Erwin," you tug on his jacket sleeve and point to the corner that is home to a fake ficus that Mike is currently throwing up in. 

 Erwin groans, "Oh, Jesus Christ," and starts making his way over with you hot on his heels. 

 A few people are making faces as they glance at Mike, moving away as he coughs, straightens, then bends over again. 

 "Mike, come on, buddy," Erwin pats his back, waiting for Mike to pause in his retching so that he can duck under his arm and support him. "Gotta get you to a bathroom."

 "No bath," Mike snorts. "No green there, no…"

 You take a place on his other side, not that you can help much in getting him down the hall and in one of the downstairs restrooms, but you at least support his other arm and steer him in the right direction. 

 "Why is he talking about green?" Erwin grumbles as you both lower Mike to the tiled floor in front of the toilet where he promptly pukes again. 

 "The leaves maybe? I don't know, dude. Just…" You cringe as you notice the way Mike's shaggy hair hangs down into the toilet bowl, subject to all kinds of splash back. "Do you have a hair tie on you?" 

 "Literally why in the fuck would I have a hair tie on me?" Erwin asks incredulously, and you laugh because a couple weeks ago, he never would have used that word in this context since it's wrong, but the more you spend time with him, the more he picks up on your vernacular, and that really doesn't matter right now because—

 "Water," Mike croaks, voice echoing off the ceramic. 

 "I don't think you'll be able to drink any right this second, man," Erwin tells him, squatting beside him. 

 Mike shakes his head. "Wanna feel—feel water. Cold."

 "He sounds like a fucking caveman," you snicker. 

 You're really just trying to stay calm, masking the sick feeling in your stomach with amusement, but you've been watching Mike all night as he downed beer after beer, mixing various liquors as he took shots and licked salt off some chick's stomach. You figured he would get sick, but there wasn't really much you could do about it. He had made it pretty clear he isn’t interested in speaking to you. Still, you had purposely remained mostly sober just in case something like this happened (also because you make bad decisions when you get fucked up at frat parties).

 "Yeah, he definitely won't remember any of this."

 "Waterrr," Mike tries again, and you look at the way his arm is dangling over the side of the tub, the faucet on the opposite side, and glance at Erwin at a loss. 

 He shrugs, eyes darting around until he sees the plastic cup upside down on the shower rack. He grabs it, turns the water on and fills the cup, then dumps it over Mike's hand. 

 Mike groans, slowly wriggles his fingers under the stream, and drawls, "Thaaaank."

 You shake your head and motion for the cup, talk loud enough to be heard over the faucet, "I can handle this. You go back outside."

 "What? No."

 "There's no reason both of us have to be in here. He's just gonna puke his guts out for a few hours and then pass out." 

 Erwin doesn't seem sold on the idea. 

 "Come on. You've gotta go back. You're vice president or whatever."

 "So?" 

 "Erwin."

 He stares at you for a while then deflates. "Fine. Do you have your phone on you?" 

 "Always." You gesture to the elastic waistband of your shorts, phone pressed to your hip as it hangs on the inside of the material.

 "Text me if you need help, alright?" 

 "You got it, boss."

 He leaves just in time for Mike to violently retch into the toilet, one hand clutching the bowl as his spine curves. You fill the cup back up, pour it over his hand once again, and repeat the action over… and over… and over.

 His face and hair are gonna be a mess, probably his shirt too which is actually a blessing because you'll finally have a legitimate reason to burn it. Pepto Bismol pink and sketched palm trees stare at you as you sit on the edge of the tub, and all you can think of is the first time you saw Mike wearing the terrible shirt, how that had ended up, how you left with it the following morning. 

 How had the two of you gone from that to this? Sure, you weren't super fond of him at the beginning of it all, but he grew on you. A lot. He's your best fucking friend. Through the last couple months, through this weird fight you're having, he is your best friend. It's why you're here right now taking care of his drunk ass. 

 It'll pass. This phase will pass, and you'll make up, and you'll get your chance to be honest with him, to tell him how you feel about him. It may have taken you a little too long to arrive at your destination, so to speak, but better late than never. Soon, you'll both be able to look back on this and laugh. 

 People knock on the door here and there, and you scream at them to go away, eventually getting tired of it and just clicking the lock into place. 

 Any time you stop pouring water over his hand, Mike whines and attempts to say something, choppy words that don't make a ton of sense. You wonder if you need to call an ambulance, look for the signs of alcohol poisoning, but he doesn't feel cold, his breathing is even between bouts of vomiting, and his arms aren't curling in that tell-tale way. 

 More than likely, he just made himself sick. He knows better, too. He's been partying for a long enough time to be well aware of the mixing rules. Beer before liquor and all that shit. He may have just not cared tonight, though. From what Erwin has told you, Mike has just been in a generally bad mood for a while now (and Erwin has not tried to be subtle about why). He's barely around the Pike house anymore, he keeps getting called for personal fouls in lacrosse, and he's sleeping with Rhi which is nobody's business but is also strange considering her history—some kind of mutualistic symbiotic relationship that nobody is a real fan of. 

 Not my circus, not my monkeys, you think to yourself, emptying another cup from your place on the floor now. The ceramic was starting to hurt your ass, and you know your arm will probably be a little sore tomorrow, or later today since it's nearing three. 

 Fatigue is beginning to set in, and you know Mike is exhausted because he keeps dozing off on the toilet seat so that you have to nudge him back awake. Until he can speak in mostly coherent sentences, he's not allowed to sleep. 

 Sitting in the bathroom gives you ample amount of time to think. You go over some mental flashcards for a while, notes you took with the help of Mike's magic textbook. Then you think about going to your mom's for Thanksgiving and how much you aren't looking forward to it. Then you think about Zeke showing up only to have to escort his shady brother from the house. God, you had not been happy to see him. You'd been a little afraid, if you're being honest. 

 After figuring out that he had, in fact, blocked Mike's number on your phone, you had stomped into his apartment and initiated a screaming match. You got loud, he got louder, called you a stupid bitch and punched a hole in the drywall. You had decided that was a pretty good time to leave, both the apartment and the relationship. He's been lurking on campus around your most frequented spots—the science building, the library, but you've been doing a good job of camouflaging yourself in groups of other students. Even if he can see you, he can't do much about it. 

 You've thought about reporting him to campus police, but you know nothing will come of it. The golden boy can do no wrong. It's why you've been spending so much time at the PKA house again. You know most of them have your back, and you are absolutely not above asking any of them to walk somewhere with you to fend off your angry ex. 

 You can't wrap your head around what his fucking deal is. Surely he didn't treat Rhi like this after they split. There's no way she would still be so infatuated with him if he had. Is it just because you're the one who dumped him? He had to have seen it coming once you started putting the pieces together, the way he constantly tried to make you feel guilty, isolating you from your friends, invading the privacy of your phone to not only block Mike but also to turn your fucking location on so he could track you (you had found that out after that first trip back to the frat house to talk with Erwin. It had not been pretty).

 It's hard to believe you put up with it for as long as you did. It was only five months, but that's still five months too long. 

 Mike is quiet for several minutes, and you sigh when you see that his eyes are closed once again. He makes a noise of displeasure when you use your foot to gently shake him, grumbling, "Sto-o-op."

 "Nope. Gotta stay awake, Miche. Can't have you fallin' into a coma or something'."

 "Nooo. No Miche."

 "Yes, Miche," you laugh. 

 He scrunches his face up, shakes his head, but the motion seems to make him sick again. 

 When he finishes gagging into the toilet, he lets out a deep, "Gu-uuh," then sniffs. "No Miche. Jus' she—she—...Jus' her."

 You can figure out the rest, but you can't decide if you want to smile or cry. Only you can call him that. Well, you and his mom. You miss her. And his dad. And Scout. You hope to see them again. 

 "Okay. Just Mike then."

 He hums in confirmation then shakes his hand in the tub so that you'll douse it once again. 

 "You're a needy drunk, you know that?" 

 Mike doesn't respond to that, just takes a few deep breaths as his eyes close yet again. 

 "Sleep now," he mumbles. 

 "No, no sleep now."

 "Sleep now."

 "Oh my fucking god."

 His mouth drops open a little, and the first thing you think to do is splash him in the face with the cup of water. 

 He spits and splutters but doesn't shift much, still wrapped around the toilet. You try not to look inside when you stand and reach to flush what's already gathered, trying to shield some of Mike's face from any flying droplets. Then you wash your hands and sit back down. You figure you'll be here for at least another couple of hours. The sun will be coming up soon. Thank god it's a Saturday. 

 Both Erwin and Nile knock on the door for an update, and you yell that you're okay. Mike isn't throwing up as often, and when he does, nothing is coming up anymore. He's gonna be in a world of pain when he returns to his normal self. 

 So fucking stupid. He's so fucking stupid. 

 He mutters nonsense on and off. Sometimes you can translate what he's trying to say, but other times not so much. 

 "President… dumb boyyy."

 "Hy-poc-risy an' jealous… Hypocrite… I…"

 "Hand… wanna hold…" but when you grab it, he just gurgles, "Waterrr." 

 There's really no pleasing him. 

 "Why-y-y… dick… Erwin."

 "Volcano books… n' space jam… come an' sam… an'... to the jam."

 You laugh too loudly, and Mike cringes at the noise, but the corner of his mouth still lifts. You don't think he knows what he's doing or saying yet—isn't downloading any new memories—it doesn't matter because you will remember this for the both of you. 

 "You're fucking ridiculous."

 Mike pushes himself back from the toilet to sit against the wall, hissing and clumsily rubbing his chest. His shirt is wet and disgusting, and he must know on some level because he says, "Shower," and starts pulling himself over the tub. 

 "Jesus Christ, Mike."

 He's too tall, dangling an arm and a leg over the side and sinking lower. 

 "Water, pleeeease."

 He apparently isn't aware of the faucet that is still on. Whoever has to pay these bills… You feel sorry for them. 

 "No, dude. I am not letting you drown."

 Mike fucking giggles, "Lifeguard," then tries to take his shirt off. He doesn't have the motor skills to handle buttons and looks to be confused by them anyway, so his next solution is to just rip the material down the middle. 

 "Yeah, okay, I guess that works."

 The showerhead is turned on, and you sit on the edge of the tub again, shivering when the cool spray blows toward you while keeping an eye on Mike. Reaching over, you turn the temperature up a little, knowing that the alcohol has dropped his body temperature some. You're almost tempted to slide under the water with him, but there's no room, and you're not about to just make yourself comfortable on top of him.

 So, you just sit and stare and think about how tired you are. Physically and mentally and spiritually tired. You just need some time to not exist—just a few days. It feels like this semester has been nothing but drama so far, and it is exhausting. Maybe that's why Mike did this to himself. Maybe he just needed to not exist. 

 He starts to sit up a little in the tub, but his hand falters and sends him sliding back down. "Fuck."

 Not caring about getting wet at this point, you simply stand up between his spread legs, the shower drenching you immediately, and grab his hands to tug him upright. 

 "ευχαριστώ."

 "Come again?"

 "Means thanks," he mumbles, slumping forward. 

 You think of his family again, how he and his mother had just fallen into Greek as soon as you'd stepped into the house, leaving you surprised and impressed and warm in several different ways. 

 Squatting, you tilt your head to catch his half-lidded gaze. 

 "You back with me yet?" It's been nearly four hours—Fuck, why is there music playing still—but he might need more time. 

 "Dunno."

 "Can you tell who I am?" 

 Mike does his best to roll his eyes. "'m drunk, not a amnes—amnesic—"

 "Amnesiac," you supply with a smirk. Smartass.

 "That," he nods, pointing at you with a finger gun. 

 He can actually understand you now, so that's good, don't have to worry about him dying anymore since he's making progress. 

 Opening his mouth, Mike catches some water in it, swishes and spits. You expect him to tell you that you can leave. He can take care of himself, doesn't want to see you, all manner of hurtful things he has every reason to feel. 

 Instead, he blinks at you, extends his arms, and makes grabby hands. 

 "Can I help you?" 

 He doesn't say anything, just keeps reaching for you. He could grab you without issue. His fingers are already brushing your knees, but he either doesn't notice or wants to wait for you. 

 "Mike, I can't get any closer," you laugh. 

 Switching tactics, he pats his chest. 

 "Oh, no. I am but about to put myself in the line of vom just 'cause you wanna cuddle or some shit."

 Truthfully, you would also like to cuddle, to feel Mike's body against yours again, trace your fingers over his skin and listen to his heartbeat, but…

 Not like this. 

 "Please. No more vom. Promise."

 "I don't think you're in a state to make promises like that."

 He says your name followed by one more, "Please," and you give in, letting out a long breath and grunting as you find a way to lay between his legs with your head on the lower part of his sternum. You're curled a little awkwardly, one foot up against the ceramic while the other is curled beneath you. It is not by any means a comfortable position, but it's what Mike wants. 

 A few months ago, laying like this would inevitably lead to other things. Talking and joking would lead to giggling, maybe some well aimed prods to your ribs. You would bite in retaliation, his shoulder or, if the angle was right, his nipple, until he pulled you up further to sit in his lap, hot mouth finding yours, and so on and so forth. 

 This is different on every possible level. Neither of you are speaking. Your hands are unmoving on each other's bodies. There's no heat save for the water that's pouring down on both of you, plastering your silky costume to your skin. 

 Still, it's enough to lull you into a drowsy state, the ache in your eyes urging you to close them, but as soon as you do, Mike speaks. 

 "'m mad at you."

 Your stomach drops. His words don't come as a surprise, but they still sting. 

 "I know," you sigh. "I'm mad at me too."

 Your head moves with his chest, a gentle up and down that could—and has—put you to sleep. 

 "Still love you."

 You bite your lip, fingers lightly digging into Mike's warm skin as you remind yourself that he's drunk, and he hates you, and he probably won't remember any of this when he wakes up anyway. There's no reason to get emotional over it. No reason. 

 "I love you too, Miche."

 Silence closes in around you once more. You drift in and out for about half an hour until a loud knock jolts you awake. 

 You scramble off of Mike and hop to the door, leaving puddles and drops behind you. Both Nile and Erwin look panicked in the hallway, the shorter man nearly shouting, "Is he fucking dead in there?" 

 "Not deeeead," Mike calls from the tub. 

 Erwin peers over your shoulder at him, then at you, then takes on a disappointed expression. "You didn't. Come on, he's so drunk."

 "What do you—" You frown as you piece together his implication, then squawk and shove Erwin with two wet hands. "I didn't fuck him, you perv! What is wrong with you?" 

 He chuckles and bats away your hands. "I never know with you two! You can't blame me!" 

 "You're disgusting."

 "Look who's talking. Have you seen yourself in the mirror?" Erwin raises his eyebrows. "Less bunny and more… I don't know, ghoul?"

 God, you had completely forgotten about the face paint. 

 "Shut up, yours isn't much better." His black and white paint is smeared in several places like someone ran their fingers through it. The collar of his shirt is stained, and his hair is tousled. You can't tell if it's the result of getting frisky or falling asleep. 

 "Stop flirting in front of meeee," Mike whines loudly, sitting up and pushing the shower knob a little too hard to shut the water off. 

 "We're not—" You and Erwin start at the same time.

 Nile interrupts with a drawn out, unconvinced little note and informs both of you, "You guys get a little flirty sometimes. Sorry to break it to you."

 You frown at the blond and he frowns back, then you both frown at Nile who shrugs. "I'm just saying. There's a reason people are thinking things."

 It's not important, and you'd rather not dwell on it because you know the truth, and Erwin knows the truth, and Mike will if he'll just fucking listen, but he's fucked up right now, so that's a problem for another day. 

 "Whatever, we'll work on it, but for now…" You watch as Mike tries and fails to pull himself out of the tub. 

 "He looks like the girl from The Ring," Erwin snorts. 

 "Yeah, if she was giant. And, a guy," you add. 

 Wet hair is hanging over Mike's eyes, still sopping wet and dripping. He's all awkward angles as he hoists himself up, kicking a leg over and swearing. 

 "We should probably help him," Nile says, fighting his own smile. 

 "Probably."

 Between the three of you, you manage to transport Mike from the bathroom to Erwin's room on the third fucking floor which is no easy feat. Nile waits for his friend to be dumped onto the mattress, then announces that Hitch is waiting for him to come back to bed. You don't know how long that will last, but your friend falling into the same frat boy trap you did is mildly hilarious. 

 It leaves you and Erwin to make Mike comfortable. You wrap his head in a towel you found poking out of the hamper, murmur, "Hope this doesn't have anything gross on it," to which Erwin responds with an unamused look. 

 You peel the ruined, tacky shirt from Mike’s shoulders and toss it into a corner but you let Erwin take care of the rest. You've seen everything Mike has to offer, but that doesn't stop you from feeling weird about seeing his dick when he can't really stop you. So, like Mike did last year when he spilled water on your shirt, you turn your back to allow him some privacy. 

 There's some rustling and grunting, but when Erwin tells you it's safe, you look to find Mike in a pair of gym shorts, hair still wrapped, looking more disgruntled than you've ever seen him. 

 "'m still wet."

 "You sure are, big guy," Erwin agrees, slowly guiding him to lay down on his side and explaining, "You need to sleep like this, alright? Otherwise you might choke and die."

 "Erwin!" You throw your hands up in the air. "Why would you even—?"

 "Know how it works, dumb… butt."

 "Oh, dumb butt. That's a good one," Erwin grins. "Very creative."

 "Don't panotrize me!" 

 You have to cover your mouth to keep from cackling, and Erwin shakes his head, corrects, "Patronize, Mike. Patronize."

 "That's what I said!" 

 It takes a while to get him relaxed again. Apparently, Mike's favorite thing to do while drunk is run his mouth to Erwin, so while he's busy dealing with that, you raid Erwin's closet for a shirt and then his dresser for boxers. Once you are mostly dry, you snatch the towel from Mike's hair to wipe your face and toss it away, then step up onto the bed near the pillows, urging Mike to shift so that you can sit against the headboard. 

 He immediately rests his stubbled cheek on one of your thighs, then wraps both arms around the other, his fingers melting into the fat just below your ass as he grunts, "Mine."

 "All yours, buddy," Erwin assures with a grin before glancing at you. "I'm gonna pass out in the chair—" he gestures to the one in the corner of the room, "—if you need me for anything, just wake me up, okay?" 

 "Yeah, thanks." Then, "Hey, Erwin?" He hums in response. "Don't tell him about tonight, like, me staying with him."

 "Why?" 

 "I don't want him to stress out about what he may have said or done. 'Cause I know he will."

 "Whatever you say," Erwin shrugs, collapsing in the chair without even changing or washing his face. All three of you are gonna look like characters from a horror movie whenever you wake up, and the thought makes you smirk as you card your fingers through Mike's damp hair. 

 It's getting longer. He could probably put it up if he wanted to. He's been letting his beard grow a little too. You aren't sure if it's laziness or just trying a slightly different look, but whatever the case, it's hot. 

 He keeps your leg clutched tightly to him like some kind of stuffed animal until he drifts off to sleep. It's nearing five, and you know you probably won't get any quality rest while you're here, so you figure you'll just doze for a while until you can safely extract yourself from Mike's grip. He probably won't appreciate waking up like this anyway. No matter what he's said to you and Erwin—declarations and staked claims—it'll all be worthless in just a few hours. 

 A symphony of snores plays through the room, Erwin splayed out in his chair like he's passed out in a cheap Vegas hotel while Mike drools on your thigh, and if it was anyone else, you'd be disgusted and shove him away, but since it’s Mike, it’s weirdly endearing. He can slobber on you all he wants, it won’t bother you in the slightest. 

 Eventually, the sun shining through the window becomes too bright for you to even fall into a light sleep, so just as you planned, you gently untangle yourself from Mike, pausing when he grunts and frowns, but when he doesn’t stir any more than that, you manage to slip out of the bed. 

 Grabbing your phone and costume, still a little wet and cold because of it, you leave as quietly as you can. Your shoes are still in the downstairs bathroom along with Mike’s shirt, and you have a legitimate mental debate over whether you really should just toss it, but as much as you hate it, you decide against it. 

 You have to step over several bodies to get to the front door, more than usual which is concerning since the punch Eren spiked was thrown out (or really, thrown all over him), but you’re able to make it out without tripping.

 The drive to your dorm feels too long, sun beaming right into your itchy eyes the entire way. You nearly cry in relief when you finally fall onto your mattress, already well aware that most, if not all, of your day will be spent under the covers. You’re more than fine with it, allowing yourself to just not exist for several hours exactly how you wanted to.