#i need to shut up and go to sleep

[pipthehuman]

i cant sleep

[zillychu]

there is a heinous lack of Venti + Mondstadt character content and I'm one category 7 autism event away from filing the void myself

[xxplastic-cubexx]

it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent

[sollucets]

fadel x intricate rituals

[sky-is-the-limit]

Warren Kole is so fucking fine and someone's getting that Texan dick every day and it's not me and for that I need to bang my head against a wall.

[jellynotbees]

Do y’all think Narinder scratches up Lamb’s furniture?

[maudiemoods]

I've been meaning to make a list but I've been so busy WAAUGH!! but here it is!! I officially live in my van most of the time!

This is what the inside looks like! I keep my food under the bed and clothes in both the draws in the back (covered by a scarf) and the brown box thing! I have plenty of storage! I even made the floor and put doors in it so I can reach the space in-between that floor and the actual van floor. BUT! I don't use it ❤️

It's definitely a little challenging living in a van! Not for everyone and honestly I'm only doing it for the experience! Plus! I can't really afford a place on my own!

This little set up of mine took almost a year! I procrastinated a lot and had a decent amount of mechanical issues I needed fixed before even starting on the inside. In all, van price included, I spent around $7,000 give or take! I have a 03 Honda Odyssey and I really love it! I've been told I was lucky with it!

I don't really know how detailed people want me to get about this and what I'm currently doing but if anyone has questions send them in!

[svtskneecaps]

also in terms of the bolas playlist it's fascinating to me that the songs added by each person have a slight tendency to represent a consistent aspect of bolas

like

the songs added by slime are their chaos

the songs added by philza are their rebellion

the songs added by cellbit are their rage

the songs added by baghera are their anguish

it's so fucking FASCINATING TO ME but i don't know enough music theory to elaborate lmfao this is Vibes Only

(mouse's songs i can't boil down to an easy noun which is why they aren't mentioned lmao anyway they go hard asf)

(also i went on the longest fucking unhinged elaboration in the tags lmfao i almost didn't have enough tags left to tag "long tags" at the end

(i could have even gone on longer in terms of where their characters were at entering purgatory [philza: cage for a cage; cellbit: fed worker murders; baghera: her past as a federation experiment; slime: turning into a code because of the code pretending to be his daughter] but i ran out of space and also time it's 4AM AAAAA)

[concert-bflat]

I need to rant about Ivan guys guys I neeed to rant about Ivan (<--- keeps trying to write fics of him but Never finishes him) like God this man is so gay and so in love it genuinely hurts it Hurts and I am Injured by it and the imagrey is Sooo Good (and Yes this is probably me just parroting stuff Everyone has already said before but shut up it's my turn now!! (aka please I've been holding in these thoughts for Months now I must let them out of their cage before one of them Dies)) [Edit I am Not fucking proofreading this I spent 2 hours on it if there is a mistake you Imagined it </3]

Just like,

You can see it in the way he sees the stars in Till. His own hopes for freedom and the only real light in this world that he lost sight of in Till. He is the hope and wish for freedom that he has shut away and repressed and it makes him fall So Hard

Or how you only really see that red in his eyes (after. Almost Dying) when he's with or singing/thinking about how Till has Inspired him, like a fire has been lit inside him. A fire lit in the darkness. . hmm...

even at the end of the song, where he knows full well that he absolutely Crushed his opponent and also knows full well that Till is his next one. I'm sick. I'm so sick.

Or like. When he frees Till and everything is just Engulfed in that red now. How Till has that same fire in his eyes, he and Ivan are on the same page now. They see that same hope for freedom and they both share it. They're running towards the light (like the sky's lighter there, more on that in a sec), hell, the corners of the right side of the screen are literally tinted in LIGHT GREEN. Till's color. God dammit the whole scene is tinted in red and green. They are literally Complementary Colors. I'mmm soooooooo (God these scenes are soo pretty too I was genuinely Stunned when I first saw this)

DID YOU EVEN NOTICE I ONLY NOTICED NOW the Stars are fucking green. You can see it better in some of the Later Images but they are Literally Green because Ivan sees the stars in Till and uuuughsdfbshb

OR LIKE WHEN TILL TURNS BACK?? AND. And that red is no longer in his eyes and before The Realization hits Ivan his eyes are just Glowing with red. Because he was just Filled with that hope. Freedom was, potentially, Right There

Did you guys even notice in that like. 5 frames in the half-second animation of Till turning away he's totally engulfed in his shade of green. Like of Course. That's such a Till thing to do because of Course he's running back he never actually liked Ivan that way in the first place.

And also the lighting of the sky Flips. Because the light has always been with Till. And Ivan's left in the darkness. In the. Haha. Ha. Black Sorrow. Aha *sits down cries*

And Again with this mf's stupid eyes how they revert to just black because that hope's been stripped away again, how it's even reflected in his present self singing as he reminisces on it. Fucking. Ivan's Expression when Till runs away.T here's so fucking much like the irony. Like did he even see Till hesitate or did he just see him turn and run away.

Like the irony that the guy who's always breaking the rules and fighting and defying and clearly hating living in a world like this won't run away with him, who has always been passive and obeying the rules and just accepting captivity and has been repressing his desire for freedom is so Bitter and Awful but also he always Knew this would happen what the Hell was he thinking this was such a stupid idea like

this man gets No Breaks No Breaks Ever oh yeah btw they're facing off against each other in a literal Death Match. That they might've had a Chance of avoiding if they ran away. Ahah. Hh *sob*

Also this art brings me so much Joy as much as it hurts me on a visceral level like. Ivan Always has his eyes on Till but it goes from a fond smile. Like So Fond flat out lovestruck affectionate gaze because he loves this man and loves spending time with him to a grimace once they're on stage. How Till never really changes or really Has Changed, and that's why Ivan loves him as much as he is resentful towards him. How that's what brought them here, to the stage. How Ivan changed for Till and Because of Till but still Till is like a god damn immovable object with how he stubbornly sticks to his ways. There's such resentment but isn't he himself also stubborn for always sticking to Till anyways? Hell, he's singing all about him in Round 3 and loses control over his own emotions and expressions during it I'mmm Guhhh

Also the first image is titled Observation while the second one is titled Decision(? I think). Like mf What are you deciding. What happened Last Time you decided to do something I'm going to punt you into the next planet

Speaking of observing,

Just. How Ivan's Always Observing. I saw one person point out he's like a background character and it's like he sees himself as one too. He is a passive observer in his Own Life. How he watches all the other children in Anakt garden play. How his childhood leading him to Anakt Garden just kind of. Happens around him while he watches indifferently.

How he's always trailing behind Till. Or how he tends to just. Observe quietly and is portrayed as such.

Not to mention how he doesn't appear in the memories of Anyone else's rounds, not even Till's, even when he literally (temporarily) freed him from the city. He doesn't even appear At All in Luka's round even though we get a clear shot of Till getting his hopes and dreams shattered (though it Does parallel another shot of him from Round 2)

And then the One Times he tries to take action. Or start something. It gets rejected and he's resigned to just. Trailing behind again. Because of Course he'll always follow after Till. And of Course he's fucking bitter about it and bitter about himself because he Knew this would happen and Till is Always looking at someone else and that Never Changes but. He just thought for a moment that he could change something. Man.

Oh I forgot to talk about the competitions themselves huh? Wellll, (and I'll Attempt to keep it brief because I've been writing this post for Much too long but)

Till spends his first round singing completely devotedly to Mizi. Hell, his song wasn't even in the program, it's likely- no, almost definitely something he wrote entirely for her, and Ivan has no part in it, just watches bitterly as he passes out after his, er, stunt at the end

And continues to be passed out for almost the entirety of Ivan's song

Oh but he woke up for the emotional/musical climax at least, going over Ivan's most important memory of them together, that's cool at least right?! Surely Till felt something from that

Maybe they can talk something out, or at least acknowledge their relationship in Some way. Maybe Ivan could at least be seen by Till-

Aaand Till's Actual love interest Supposedly gets shot and now he probably thinks she's dead. His attention is turned to her once again, like it's always been from the start. He never really changes huh?

Better luck next time Ivan--

Just. This mf Never Wins and it makes me Laugh as much as it makes me So Sad

Gets hopes and dreams and future crushed by aliens (standard stuff). Sold off in an auction. Put in prestigious singing school and up to that point he hasn't really cared about Anything and has simply been going through the motions.

Meets boy that basically embodies the freedom and hope he used to have. Falls badly in love. Boy loves someone else. Tries to free him and give him the thing he'd surely want most. Rejected. Back to school you go loser.

Oh btw this school is to train you for a competition to the death. Btw you're facing off against that boy you love in the semi-finals of said death competition. And you might kill him or he'll kill you. Because you didn't run away when you had the chance.

Also he didn't sing or think about you at all during his round. In fact I'm pretty sure he wrote a whole ass song that wasn't even registered in the Alien Queue or whatever for someone else. Also he probably has hardly looked at you. Also he was unconscious for almost the entirety of your song. Except for the part where you lost control of your emotions.

Oh but that doesn't matter now because now he thinks the person He likes was just killed. So he's kiiinda gonna be distracted by that. And that might fuck up your round with him. Sorry man

This was Originally a rant about how much I love Black Sorrow's imagery and the portrayal of Ivan's love because this man clearly has Complex Emotions and then Kinda derailed into me just ranting about how many L's he's being handed before getting the executioner's blade. Uhhhhh oops. Congrats on sticking to the end though?

I just love Ivan very much. He is So Bitter and so Horribly In Love and looks up to and is inspired by Till So Much and I wish people explored him on a deeper level/more personally.

I wish I saw more deep looks at Ivan/Till, there's clearly Complicated Things going on there. Hell, we don't even know what Till's pov on the whole thing is aside from that One scene of him hesitating before running away from Ivan. As much as I love fluffy interpretations of them, I (did I mention that I'm an angst addict btw. Could You Tell) wish all their Complexities could be acknowledged. Like how Ivan Clearly puts Till on such a spotlight and it is Such a downfall for him through and through and he Kinda knows it but also What Else does he Have and he really looks up to him Sooo Much (just. Look at them in that official art of them in Anakt Garden !!!) and deep down just wants to run away from this horrible place and wants to run with Till, the Light of his life the fire in the darkness the fucking stars the universe his black sorrow just. Oh My God I need to end this post already I was supposed to be studying but spent those 2 hours Writing instead

But anyways yeah uuhhh long story short? This guy is a gay loser. He tries to look sooo cool and smooth but he is suuuch a gay lovestruck loser and his rose tinted glasses are so thick he can't see shit (I'm pretty sure I quoted that from something (but also no genuinely when I first got into alnst after just watching the first 3 rounds videos and saw Ivan in official art I was So Surprised like "Oh he's actually That kind of mf that tries to look Cool and Hot but is actually just Pathetic and Sad and Gay I thought he was Just Sad and Gay")) he's probably also touchstarved as hell idk and his love is doomed by the narrative (unless Hyuna saves his and Till's asses. Buuut we'll see </333)

Love ya Ivan keep taking L's <3333 mwah

[secretsofthewilde]

I've got some more half-baked thoughts on Deadloch and how it presents colonialism that I'll come back to once I go find the specific reading I had for a uni assignment that relates to this at some point

...Margaret Curruthers and her relationship with white femininity... the maternal persona she presents being her weapon of choice to gain power over those around her... white woman acting maternal towards poc in order to infantilize and dehumanize them... something something the white matriarch hides the evils of colonialism with a smile and a fresh batch of cookies for you

Sharelle(!!) and her numerous jobs that she's forced to work just to make ends meet for her and her child. Her aggressive distrust of police which seems comedic only to later be revealed, is due to her mother's wrongful (likely racially motivated) imprisonment. The repeated breach of her restraining order against her aggressive (white) ex being ignored by those around her/meant to protect her.

The way the show emphasises the importance of forming relationships as a community and the power/positive change that can come from doing that. The respect for the land and people that is needed in order to achieve that properly... The gentrification of towns like Deadloch essentially being a form of modern colonisation...

[shepards-folly]

WHO NEEDS GOD WHEN YOU CAN BE WORSHIPPED LIKE ONE?!

[midnigtartist]

Is 7 am too early to nuke a 5 year long friendship

[cherealta]

I've gone back into an huge high school story hyperfix for No apparent reason for this past month and half so i decide to make a new tumblr! it's been a while since i've been in an fandom space so i decide to stick to an more niche(? i guess) fandom with not so many people still here as it's not as overwhelming for me.

these girls have been with me since 2013 and 2014 respectively with many many different changes! however their core characteristics have stayed the same.

(more info under the cut!)

i was planning on drawing them about a week ago buuut my drawing tablet has decided to die on me and my only drawings of them are from <2022. which isn't ideal. then i remembered a few days ago i can just create them on sims, so for the time being i'll use ts4 as a way to visualize them until i get a new tablet!

a little brief introduction to them -

vivienne is my high school story prime mc and she transfers over to berry high in her sophomore year. bc of this the timeline is a bit different to the canon one (especially since the choices games are canon to the original timeline) as in my tl hss prime takes course from her sophomore to senior year (there's NO way all the stuff that happens in hssp happens in one year!!! pixelberry u can not convince me otherwises!!!). side confession but despite hss/hwu being an defining part of me i've never touched choices... which means i've just never considered were those games would fit into my timeline. so i guess i'd consider my tl an au.

agnieszka or angel is my hollywood u mc who i miss dearly and i'll forever be torn up by the fact that hwu is unplayable now. she's vivienne half sister (vivi is a product of affair. there's A LOT of lore that i'll hopefully go into in later posts) and the two aren't aware of eachothers existence until around 2010. despite this angel loves the fact she has an younger sister, even in unconventional circumstances, and wishes to grow closer to her. vivienne is hesitant at first but by 2018ish they have a very good relationship!! sure it takes a while but the two had to overcome a lot when it comes to their family.

for the years vivienne starts berry high in 2013 and agnieszka starts hwu in 2014 (basically when the games came out). they don't start having an consistent relationship until about mid-to-late 2015.

also this is my first time doing character sheets that aren't heavily drawn so hopefully they aren't too hard to read/understand. this is all i'll say for now as i don't want this post to get too long! i'll drop more info abt them as this month goes by.

[discojupiters]

is it too much to ask for mike nesmith to yodel in my ear?

[pup-pee]

[cent-scratchnsniff]

progressing through the myth of sisyphus again