#i need to rewatch so many things to make sure my thoughts make sense because ita been a bit

[saphflare]

Thinking about Rat and Lux and Nox and going to explode.

Because as much as I love Lux and Rat, it really is just something doomed isn't it. It just shows it as it is, how Rat is always the reason she suffers, in every universe that both he, she, they exist, every version of Lux suffers for the choices Rat makes.

And in this world, he already hurt her and even now that they mended their bonds and are allies, he still is the reason for the fracture between Lux and Nox. The reason the two have grown from each other from the pain that he has inflicted onto them, here and before. And they drew different conclusions from each other, and that decision made them turn away from each other and they are unable to see someone familiar in one another. And isn't that terrible to not to recognize that reflection of someone you are supposed to know and understand best, and who was supposed to do so for you as well.

And Rat is there again, as the reason why, even if he never wished to caused that strife, he has anyways. He has always been.

[chrisevansonly]

𝒊𝒕’𝒔 𝒈𝒊𝒍𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒐𝒏 | 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒓𝒄

☁︎charles leclerc x female reader

☁︎there is nothing that brings in the fall feeling than a little cuddle on the couch and a binge watching party for gilmore girls…and yes, charles loves it just as much as you do

☁︎no warnings just very cute and wholesome:)

☁︎oh my godddd anyway we’re almost at the end of the fall celebration🥹 i’ve been having so much fun writing these and im gonna miss them so much! i feel like this is bad and crappy but ill be doing a christmas version in december so great ready for that ;)

If there was one thing Charles loved more than you, it was the little traditions you’d both started since getting together, many of them he’d adapted from you and your love for fall and all things october. More recently you’d introduced your boyfriend to Gilmore Girls, and if anyone knows this show, the best time to watch it is in the fall when the leaves are all changing and the weather turns a bit cooler.

“Do you need any help baby?”

You could hear his voice from the living room as you stood in the kitchen, just finishing up some last minute pastries and snacks for the two of you

“Um I think I might need some help to organize all of these things” you stated with a slight laugh, yes you were known to go overboard with food

“Wow, we could feed a whole family with this mon amour…”

Your cheeks flushed as you shrugged

“Well I did kind of invite Carla and Arthur to come over and watch…they’ve never watched it…”

It should be mentioned that you and Charles rewatched Gilmore Girls every fall, it was your favourite bingeable show to enjoy together

“What?!”

“I know I said the same thing”

Charles almost couldn’t believe your ears, if people thought Lando Norris was the king of sass, they’d be surprised to see Charles’s sassy attitude at home with you

“How can people just not watch Gilmore Girls? It’s just-it makes no sense.”

Laughing you walked over and pressed a kiss to his lips

“Don’t worry lovie, we’ll make sure they watch every episode carefully”

“They better, it’s important”

With a last dramatic sigh he moved to the kitchen to help organize all your snacks, which allowed you to pour the apple ciders in to your cute fall mugs, placing them neatly on a tray and bringing them to the expansive coffee table. Your next task as placing a few blankets on the couch and dimming the lights to perfect for your afternoon and evening of tv watching

“It looks perfect as usual baby”

Smiling you leaned into Charles’s side as you both examined your hard work, well more so yours because the last time the monégasque tried to help you ended up with burnt turnovers and very crispy croissants. He might be quite handsome, but he was a far better race car driver than he was a baker or a cook, that was for sure.

“Thank you lovie, now we just wait for Carla and Thur and we will be ready to go”

“What would I do without you?” Charles stated, leaning down to press a kiss firmly to your lips as you smiled

“Hmm..probably die of starvation and never know the beauty of Gilmore Girls…”

At this Charles simply laughed, he couldn’t agree more with that, although he could cook a pretty mean toast for breakfast, he knew, better than anyone that he was the luckiest man in the world to be here with you.

Even if he had to share his binge watching duties with his little brother and his girlfriend…but let’s be honest, it couldn’t be that bad.

[fettuccin-e]

Forever Feels Good

A/N: So yeah. its more santi smut. I rewatched triple frontier recently and yknow how oscar and pedro look absolutely scrumpdiddlyumptious so i had to write some happy, domesticated santi because HE DESERVES SOMETHING GOOD

Description: Sometimes, Santi can't believe that he's actually yours, that you're his. And, as a good husband, he just wants to make his beautiful wife feel good. (w/c: 3.1K)

Tags: Santiago "Pope" Garcia x reader, afab!fem!reader, Santi really likes that she's his wife, pretty domestic, alcohol consumption, oral (r!recieving), unprotected piv (pls wrap it up irl fuck them kids), breeding kink like quite a bit of breeding kink i may have a problem

Santi sometimes forgets that he’s actually married to you. That it’s his ring on your finger, that he lives in a home that the both of you share. 

There’s a part of him, a big part, that looks at you and knows that you’re too beautiful to really be his. With your bright smile and glittering eyes, smoothing out his rough edges and giving something to live for again. It doesn’t feel real, even after years of being married, introducing you as his wife to all of his coworkers and friends, fixing up a house you bought together, living a perfect little white picket fence life that Santi had only thought was a fantasy while in Delta.

He watches you with rapt attention across the bar, grabbing your fruity drink from the bartender while you chat with Frankie at the pool table.

You’re laughing hard to a story that Frankie is telling, Santi’s beer clutched in one of your hands while you brace the other on Frankie’s shoulder. Your cheeks are flushed, your eyes are crinkling at the corners with your grin, and Santi can’t imagine anyone more perfect. 

As your laughter eventually dies down you gaze at Santi across the room, probably unaware that he was already staring, and the breath is nearly knocked out of his lungs as your eyes meet. Your wide smile melts into something softer, intimate even in a room full of people, and his already weak knees want to give out.

He forces himself to walk on shaky legs across the room, setting your drink on your table, fingers itching to touch your soft skin. He spins you around when he reaches you, pinning your back to his front and wrapping his strong arms around your waist while he tucks his face into the crook of your neck.

Your perfume is strongest there, the smell of you invading his senses and swimming through his desperate mind. He vaguely senses Frankie walking away to talk to Will, but he couldn't care less at the moment. Not when he has his wife in his arms, your hair tickling his nose and you giggle echoing in his ears.

Santi presses a kiss to your neck, unable to help himself. “Look so pretty tonight, princesa. Y’wanna let me take you home?” he murmurs quietly into your ear, hearing you suck in a soft breath.

“I don’t know how my husband would feel about that, handsome,” you giggle, and he tugs you just a little bit closer.

“C’mon, baby, I’m sure he won’t mind one bit,” he chuckles lowly. “Can’t let a pretty thing like you go without being taken care of like you deserve.”

“Hm,” you sigh, leaning back against his strong body, “you drive a hard bargain, don’t you?” You reach a hand back to wind your hand into his hair, tugging him up to meet your lips in a sticky kiss. “Promise to take care of me, baby? I’ve been told that I can be greedy. Gonna need you to make me cum as many times as I want.”

Santi feels lightheaded, his vision blurring at the edges. “Fuck, hermosa, anything. Anything you want, you’ll get it, promise I’ll-”

“Hey, lovebirds!” you hear Benny call from the pool table, stick clutched in his hand. He’s disarmingly loud even in a room full of people, your head snaps ahead from Santi’s lips, and you can feel the groan rumble in your husband’s chest at the loss. You smirk to yourself involuntarily, pride blooming in your chest at the fact that you’re the one that can bring Santiago Garcia, ex-military grump with a will of fucking steel, to his knees with a something as simple as a little kiss. 

“You guys gonna get a room or what? Think of the kids!” Benny continues, laughing. Frankie chuckles with him, Will smacks him on the back of the head.

“Turning a little green there, Miller!” you fire back, smiling all the while. “Been a while since you got any? Celibacy is not a good look on you, man.” Frankie laughs harder at that, and even Will chuckles, and it’s Benny’s turn to smack his brother on the back of his head.

You turn your head again to whisper up into Santi’s ear, “As much as I hate to admit it, he might be right.” You shift your hips back, just a little, pressing your ass tight against the bulge of his dick in those tight pants he always wears. Santi curses. 

“You wanna get out of here handsome?”

“Please,” Santi groans, and you laugh softly at his eagerness before you’re grabbing his hand and walking him to the door of the bar, nodding a goodbye at Frankie as you do.

He’s on you the moment you walk through the door of your shared home, pressing you hard against the door with a thick thigh between your legs, pressed tight against your hot cunt through the material of your panties under your skirt. He licks into your mouth like he’s starving for it, like he’ll never get to again, like it’s not the cold metal of his ring on your finger, pressed against his cheek as you cup his jaw.

“So, so fucking pretty for me hermosa, my god. Got everyone in that bar looking at you, but you’re mine, yeah? My wife, fuck-” Santi says into your mouth, choking on the last word, bucking up into you. 

“Bed, Santi, please,” you whine, head spinning with the taste, the smell, the feel of him under your fingertips. Six years of marriage, and you’re both still obsessed with each other the same way you were when you both first met. Clutching into each other like the other will disappear at any moment, like every second together has only been a wonderful dream. He grins into your mouth before taking your hand again, breaking into a jog through your little house and into your bedroom, the both of you giggling like teenagers.

You make him feel young, Santi thinks, laughing into your mouth as he lays you gently onto the mattress. Even with his creaky knees and graying hair, you manage to make him feel young. He presses himself against you, and you mewl, your hips moving in desperate little grinds against the bulge in his jeans. 

“Santi, please,” you choke, gasping softly as his zipper catches on your clit through your panties. You’re clenching around nothing, suddenly so unbearably empty that you could cry from it.

Santi shushes you gently, running his hands under your shirt, rucking it up over your chest. You raise your arms to help him along, and Santi wastes no time in divesting you of your shirt. He tosses it behind him carelessly before leaning down again to lick into your mouth, utterly addicted to the taste of you. 

There’s something about Santi that brings out this part of you, this desperate, needy part that you’d never felt before knowing him. He makes you feel ravenous, animalistic as he towers over you, kissing you like a man possessed.

You reach down to grab his shirt in a fist, shoving it up his stomach until he finally smiles against your mouth, breaking away from your kiss to yank his shirt off, tossing it in the same direction he threw yours. He moves down, trailing hot, sticky kisses and bites to your neck, your collarbone, right between the valley of your tits. 

His thick hands curl around your back, his calluses scratching along your soft skin, raising goosebumps in their wake as he unclasps your bra, dragging it down your arms and leaving you bared to him. It should feel vulnerable, exposed, but you hear Santi groan softly under his breath at the sight of you, and you feel anything but vulnerable. Fuck, you feel powerful, stunning under Santi’s burning gaze.

He sucks one of your nipples into his mouth, swirling his tongue over it feverishly while his other hand, warm and rough, tweaks the other harshly. You can’t help how your back shoots up, how a choked moan escapes your throat. Your hands tangle in his hair, a terribly sexy mess of grey and black, holding him to your chest.

“Fuck, oh God, Santi, Santi, need you so bad baby, please. Please,” you mumble, your mind already hazy as Santi switches nipples, his eyes closed and lost in you. He brings his free hand down, down, under your skirt, and presses a thumb harshly over your clit through your panties. The friction of the cotton is harsh against your throbbing clit, but Santi rubs quick little circles into you, reveling in the whines that escape unbidden from the back of your throat.

“So fucking pretty, princesa. Mi amor, god, mi vida. You’re my fucking life, you know that? So gorgeous, angel, and all mine. Fuck, can’t believe you’re mine, baby.” Santi mumbles against your skin, finally releasing your nipple from his mouth. He continues peppering tiny kisses down your stomach, staring up at you as he does. His mouth doesn’t leave your skin even as he brings his hand up from your clothed cunt, tugging your skirt and panties down your legs. You can feel how soaked you’ve gotten, the way your thighs are slick with your arousal.

“Fuck, hermosa, what’s got you this wet, huh?” He grunts, his voice gravelly and rough.

“You, Santi, it’s all- it’s all you. Since the bar, baby, since before the bar. Fuck, always want you, Santiago, ‘m ready for you all the time.” You tilt your hips up with your words, your entrance throbbing and so desperate for his touch.

“God, bebita,” Santi groans. “Such a fucking slut, huh? You would’ve let me fuck you right in that bar, yeah? Just let me tug you into the bathroom and fuck you as hard as I want. Would've done it too, sweet girl, you get me so fucking hot. In these,” he presses a hot, open-mouthed kiss to your inner thigh, and you twitch as you feel him breathe a warm gust of air right over your desperate pussy. “In these fucking little skirts you like to wear, god. Got the sexiest girl in the fucking world, yeah? Everyone wants you, but I’m the one who gets to have you. I get to have you for the rest of our lives, mi amor.” He’s so close, so fucking close to wear you need him most. “I get to fuck this sweet pussy for the rest of our lives, baby,” Santi breathes.

You nearly scream as he licks a long stripe up your cunt, lapping up some of the mess you’ve already made of yourself. He sucks your clit into his mouth, sucking at it hard and unrelenting. The sensation of it is almost too much, and your thighs clench around his head quickly, before Santi brings a hand up to grab at your inner thigh. He pulls you apart, keeping you spread for him as he licks and sucks and plays with you until you’re already shaking. He keeps you spread with only one of those strong hands, pressing his tongue harshly against your sensitive little clit, and you suddenly feel the thick presence of his other hand, a calloused digit sinking slowly, so slowly into your cunt.

“Santi, Santi, oh fuck, Jesus fucking Christ baby, it’s so- shit, it’s so,” you can hardly get the words out, especially as he crooks his finger up and presses it against your g-spot without any trouble. Santi groans against your clit, sinking yet another finger inside you along the first.

You should be used to it by now, after so long together, but every single time Santi fucks you, it’s like he’ll never get to do it again. He throws himself, his mind, body, his fucking soul, into only making you feel good. It’s nearly sacrilegious, how he worships you, praying with his tongue at the altar of your body.

But it’s not enough, not when you know how it feels when he’s inside, not when you’ve been thinking about his thick cock stretching you out until you feel like you’re about to break. You tangle a hand back into his hair, tugging him harshly away from your pussy. He keeps his fingers inside, spreading you apart as he looms over you, meeting your lips in a sticky kiss. His lips are sticky with your arousal, but you can’t bring yourself to care, gasping, “Please, baby, Santi fuck me, ‘m so empty, need to be filled up, need you to stuff me full.” 

Santi grins, smug against you as he presses a third finger into your tight cunt, relishing in how your body jerks hard in response. “Just a little longer, baby,” he mutters, “Gotta make you cum first, right? Wanna feel this pretty pussy clench around my fingers, fuck baby, you’re so sexy. Want you to cum, princesa. Cum like you fucking deserve.”

You choke on a gasp as he hammers hard into you, overwhelmed tears filling your eyes as he abuses your g-spot with a practiced hand. You can feel your orgasm building inside, threatening to drown you in it’s severity, as Santi leans down again, whispering harshly, like it’s a threat, “Be a good little wife for me, baby, and cum. Now.”

And you can’t do anything but that, whining high as your pussy clenches and gushes all over Santi’s hand, your hips jerking wildly. Santi is murmuring little praises into your ear, but you can hardly hear him over the ringing in your head, the effort it takes to breathe properly again. 

“You okay, mi amor? Need to stop?” Santi whispers, petting his hands across your thighs, calming, but your eyes snap open all the same. 

“Santiago Garcia, if you leave me here without getting fucked, I’m filing for divorce.”

Your statement shocks a quick laugh out of your husband, but he leans down to kiss you all the same. “So greedy, mi amor,” he murmurs into your mouth, and you giggle as he stands quickly, shucking his pants and boxers off before kneeling between your spread legs again.

You gasp softly as he notches the head of his cock against the entrance of your abused cunt, winding your arms around his neck to tug him close. He presses in slowly, agonizingly slow, and you gasp against his mouth. 

You’ve had Santi for years, but taking his cock always feels like the first time, all over again. He groans so lowly it almost sounds like a growl, holding your hips up to meet him as he finally bottoms out inside you. So deep he feels like he’s in your fucking stomach.

“Shit, baby, you’re so fucking wet,” he groans over you, his eyes clenched shut. He draws his hips out and shoves back in quickly, and you can’t do anything but gasp wetly, nails digging into his shoulders as he breaks you open around his cock. “So tight for me, always so fucking perfect.”

“So big, Santi,” you slur dazedly. “Stretching me out so good, it’s so fucking deep, baby.”

“You like me deep, bebita? So deep I’m in your fucking guts? Gonna fill you up, princesa, shit. Get through that fucking birth control, yeah? Get you,” he fucks into you again, hard, “get you fucking pregnant, sweetheart.”

“Oh God,” you whine, mind swimming with the overwhelming mixture of Santi over you, surrounding you, inside you. Fucking you full of him, enough to render your IUD useless, get you pregnant no matter what. “Fuck, Santi, please.” He works himself in and out of you, his thick hands holding onto your hips hard enough to bruise.

“You want it, baby? Want me to fuck a baby into this little pussy? Shit, you’re sucking me in baby, so fucking desperate for it.” He shifts closer, just a little, lifting your hips further into the air to throw you hard onto his cock, and he can’t miss your sweet spot like this. His perfect cockhead just jams into your g-spot at an angle like this, and Santi knows it. “My needy little wife, you wanna cum on this cock? C’mon, do it. Wanna see it baby.”

Tears are finally escaping, leaking slowly from your eyes as Santi fucks into you like only he can, practiced, harsh, unrelenting. You can faintly hear yourself babbling, a mixture of praises, and pleases, and Santi’s name. 

Santi brings a hand from your thigh to press a thick thumb to your over-sensitive clit, and you want to fucking scream. “C’mon baby, show me how good I’m giving you this cock. Show me how good I fuck this pretty pussy.”

“Yes, yes, yes, it’s so good, it’s so fucking good, gonna cum, oh god, gonna give you a baby, Santi, oh god, oh my fucking god-” you gasp, unable to get a full breath into your lungs before you’re cumming again, nails digging hard enough into Santi’s back that there will be marks, marks that Santi will tease you about later when he looks in the mirror, but you can’t care. Not when it feels like your body is on a live wire, muscles and nerves strung taught and pulled apart.

“Just like that, sweet girl,” Santi groans above you, his hips stuttering into you. “Fuck, just like that, so fucking tight for me. Fuck, you’re mine,” he mutters, barely even speaking to you at this point. “Can’t believe you’re fucking mine, mine forever.” 

He’s lost in it, muttering to himself, and you tug him down, trying to ground him back to Earth against your lips as you whisper, “yours.”

Santi kisses you hard as he cums, emptying himself inside you. He wraps you in his strong arms, the both of you shaking softly against each other as you breathe through the aftershock of both your orgasms. He slips out of you at one point, and Santi takes the opportunity to roll you onto your sides. It’s quiet between the both of you for a few minutes as you brush a hand through Santi’s sweaty curls, and he brushes a thumb over your cheek, wiping any tears away.

“Love you so much, Santi,” you whisper after a while, and Santi smiles wide, wider than he ever had before he met you.

“I love you too, baby, more than I can describe.”

“Do you- do you think we could start trying? For a baby?” you whisper, tentative. There will be a bigger discussion tomorrow, about the future, especially if you throw children into the mix. But you need to know, for now.

“Mi amor, mi cielito,” Santi whispers, pecking you softly on the lips. “I would love nothing more.”

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Rose Recaps 2023 - Korea

I started with Japan because this year it gave me everything I could possibly want. Korea gave me some very nice surprises. Let's go.

The one that had me question if watching it was good for my mental health.

The Eighth Sense

Much like what I said about Tokyo in April is... it was not a good decision on my part to watch this one live. I related way too much to Jae Won and I wasn't in a specially good place at the time. However, I love it so much. I have rewatched it since then and it's such an incredible journey.

I think they used the time very efficiently and they didn't try to skip too many steps to make it a happy ending. I would be okay without any redemption for those two but on the plus side the other friends were brilliant.

Favourite Moment

The one that came out of nowhere

Sing My Crush

This show came out all at once and I had no idea it was coming. But I'm so glad it did. There were I think 4 kbls that came out all at once this year. And with the exception of this one, they were all worse because of it. First of all I fell in love with the song instantly and Han Tae immediately after. He's so cute and in love and it takes him way too long to realise it, but his devotion to Ba Ram is unquestionable from the beginning.

Favourite Moment:

The one that was a sequel but not really

Love Class 2

The first couple of episodes I wasn't sure about this one. The first couple of episodes were kinda of confusing, starting with such a dark scene on the roof, and so many different types of relationships to keep track of.

Joo Hyuk was my instant favourite from the beginning. The way he was instantly smitten and committed from the first moment he saw the TA was delightful.

It took me longer to warm up to Min Woo and Maru. But I love their arc. Even the jealousy experiment didn't bother me, Maru needed a push. Much like Lee Hyun said, it was so obvious.

Lee Hyun and Kim An were the last ones to reach me. I think the whole backstory around Kim An muddied the waters a bit and I'm not sure it was necessary to have so much of it, but I did love that when Kim An gave in, he did so with no reservations.

Favourite Moments:

The one that had me considering moving to a farm

Love Tractor

Ok. Not really, But look how pretty. Funny story, I actually rewatched part of this show in an orchard not that much different from the one here. I was on holiday in the countryside and just thought it would be incredibly amusing.

Anyway. I love Ye Chan an unreasonable amount. He's so dramatic and so earnest. And honestly if I ever had to move to a place like this I think I would pretty much have the same reaction as Seon Yul. I just want my peace and quiet.

But I really like their dynamic all throughout and considering the time restraints I thought that the development of Yul's feelings was done quite well.

Favourite Moment:

The other one with Love in the title

Love Mate

There was absolutely no reason for me to like this show has much as I did. Ha Ram should've bothered me. This whole concept should've annoyed me. The whole separation bit should've made me angry. Why didn't it? I have no clue. But I loved it. I've watched it more than once and love it every time.

Favourite Moment

The one with coffee and pottery

Unintentional Love Story

I adore this show. Pick an episode, any episode, I love it. Was it perfect? No. Was the kissing the thing that made it not perfect? Perhaps. I love it nonetheless.

[Confession time. Is there one thing about this show that bothers me no matter how many times I rewatch it? Yes. Is it the kissing? No. Is it something absolutely and stupidly tiny that only I could possibly be that bothered by it? Yes. What is it? " Let me at least do this." It's such a great moment. But why did whoever was in charge of the editing felt the need to show us the scene that we saw 17 minutes before? (it's really 17 minutes and 40 seconds, I checked because I'm nowhere near sane). Did they thing we forgot about it in that time? It lessens the moment and it insults the audience. I hate it an unreasonable amount. ]

There are so many moments in this show that I love. The four mains are amazing, the confession scene by HoTae in the coffee shop floored me, the writing in the sand moment was delightful and the soundtrack is my favourite of the year.

Favourite Moment:

The one that was perfect

Our Dating Sim

What's there to say. There's nothing wrong here. They are delightful, I had a great time with the video game format at the end of the episodes, their chemistry was amazing, and Ki Tae is my favourite boy. Also, my second favourite soundtrack this year.

Favourite Moment

See you next time with Thailand I think.

Thanks for reading💜

[averytirednerd]

About Episodes 7 and 8...MASSIVE SPOILERS!!

Initial thoughts (because if I talk about EVERYTHING right now you'll be here for at least half an hour)...

WHAT THE HELL?!

I mean I loved getting to watch the season finale, don't get me wrong. But I have just as many grievances as things I loved about it and also SO MUCH happened?!?!?!

Charlie: Loved getting to see her be all demon-y, I've been waiting all season. Also loved her and the cannibals (especially Rosie!!!). So glad she got to work w/ Luci to protect the hotel <333 She and Vaggie are adorable too.

Vaggie: I really enjoyed watching her and Carmilla's song, that was cool. Protecting her girlfriend, very cute. I liked seeing her and Lute have that little face-off.

Husk: Sad that we didn't get to see much of him, but I get it. His interactions with the others were sweet (especially Angel). I loved the one line he got to sing on his own in that last song of episode 8. 😍

Angel: Ngl I am very glad he wasn't the one to die. It would've been a fun little "oh crap" moment but I really didn't want to be right. He's still got business down there. His interactions with the others here are everything to me, and he's just grown so much and aaaaaa. It's lovely to see! I love him more and more with every episode.

Niffty: YOU GO, GIRL!!!! Love to see the stabbing. I also really loved the...one line Nifty got. Kimiko Glenn's voice is a gift, I freaked out over getting to hear one line. Anyway. not much else to say other than I definitely thought it was Alastor doing a big "oh look, I'm alive!" thing when Adam got stabbed, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Cherri Bomb/Sir P: I was surprised, to say the least, when Cherri and Sir P had that little moment. Glad they got it before he went and DIED. Cherri is such a good friend to Angel and she's great. Now, onto Sir P...WOW, OKAY. Glad we know Charlie's plan isn't completely stupid. Wonder how Sera's gonna react to him being there now, lol.

The Vees: FIRST OFF, VOX?????? "This is better than sex!" 💀💀💀 Truly was not expecting to see as much of the Vees as we did. Not complaining though. It was...interesting...to say the least, watching Vox get as excited as he did over the prospect of Al dying (still as obsessed as ever, fr). Not at all surprised to see Val and Vox have a thing going, I figured from the interactions we've seen so far. Them dancing together was silly, them practically making out was less so 😃. Also, gotta continue the love for Velvette--putting up with these two idiots must take a lot. Also also, her HAIR! HER HAIR!! EEEEE

Lucifer: I reallllyyyyyy enjoyed seeing Luci make a return to help Charlie, even if it was in one of those "last-minute saves" that I usually hate. Idk, makes sense here I guess because he's probably always watching over Charlie some way. ALSO LUCI AND CHARLIE GOING ALL DEMON-Y TOGETHER WAS <33333333 I really loved him starting off that last song in episode 8, and telling Charlie that he believes in her. It was so sweet. I love Luci sm, hoping he becomes a more integral part of the crew in s2.

Adam/Lute/Lilith: HAHA HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOSE??? Lute got what she deserved with the whole...arm thing. ALSO WHAT--JUST GONNA CASUALLY DROP LILITH IN HERE NOW? Sure, fine, whatever, totally cool. Not sure how to feel about Lilith atm so moving on. I dunno why I was so shocked upon seeing Adam's face. I guess I expected him to...not look as good as he does? Also so upset that he broke Al's staff. How rude. He sucks.

Rosie: Not how I expected her to sound, but I'm most certainly not disappointed. I don't have much to say other than I loved literally everything about her. No complaints--at least not yet ig, need to go back and rewatch the episodes critically. Her and Alastor is everything to me, and seeing them dance was <333333 I cannot express my excitement over it enough.

Alastor: Saved him for last because yes. If I wasn't limiting myself to a short paragraph for each, I'd be writing a whole essay just about Al, I swear....CANNOT believe what just happened omg. Not only did we get to see silly Al in episode 7, but we got to see scary (and scared) Al in episode 8. He's really freaking out, it's so entertaining! I'm so glad it wasn't him who died, I started getting a bit worried for a minute there....His relationship with Rosie is aaaaa, best of besties fr. Fighting Adam scene was glorious. Making Vox act like an idiot even when not trying was funny to watch (Vox's obsession with this guy is so silly). Him retreating sure was a move, but I'm glad he didn't get all stubborn and end up dying. Him ranting a bit in his section of the final song was so...AAAAAAA. Man is so scared, he looks stressed as can be. I need to see Alastor just have an external breakdown because he honestly feels like he's on the verge of one. 💀

Stopping for now before I go on a bigger rant than I already have. To those who read all this, I'm so sorry pfft. Feel free to leave a comment if there's something you wanna discuss (or, better yet, send one of those ask thingies. I do not have comments figured out yet...)

Anyway, have a good one <3

[nutklcker]

I'm thinking about Curly and the fact the fandom is kinda slowly turning on him and starting to,,, blame him? More than Jimmy? And I've just been thinking about that

Like the takeaway from the game that Curly did not do the right thing and was not good at taking care of the crew is DEFINITELY an important, if not the most important, takeaway. Being constantly aware of toxic masculinity causing the bystander effect in others who feel like they have to cover for the toxic ppl is VERY IMPORTANT and I don't want to confuse people into going "Curly did nothing wrong!" "He's just a victim too it's not his fault!" "He didn't need to be responsible for Jimmy's actions!" Cuz that's just dangerous

But I do wanna dive into the fact that I think his actions (lackthereof) aren't just due to toxic masculinity and that feeling many cis men have where they have to cover for other toxic men and try to downplay all negative situations. Maybe it's just that I relate too much to Curly but it really seems to me that, after Anya, he's the most abused by Jimmy.

Like, I rewatched the Curly's Birthday Party scene where Jimmy not only berates him BRUTALLY but does so IN FRONT OF EVERYONE ELSE (/nm) AND Curly doesn't stand up for himself after the first few attempts, which will come back later. Jimmy verbally abuses him so comfortably (seen via 1.him doing it in front of everyone else 2.the fact he got Curly to shut up really fast and 3.the fact nobody stepped in to help Curly/stop Jimmy (which in Anya's case is so fair she was like having a panic attack but I was really expecting Swansea to say something or Daisuke to try and defuse)) really makes it seem like that's a common occurrence. The fact that the crew is used to it just feels like not only has he done that before but he does it frequently enough that even Daisuke, the last minute new hire, is used to it

Like when I first saw that scene my first thought was oh shit Jimmy really does abuse EVERYONE indiscriminately. But it kinda seems like the fandom forgot how quick and comfortable he was verbally abusing Curly On His Birthday Celebration, In Front Of Everyone.

And then, what I said earlier about Curly trying to fight back a little at first before giving up and just taking the beratement 100% applies to the scene where Jimmy beats Curly after giving him his pills. The same thing happens there, Curly screams out at first but eventually stops and just whimpers/cries while Jimmy beats him until he's done, at which point Curly starts full-on crying.

And again, this doesn't absolve him of the fact he didn't help Anya. Not one fucking bit. Like, as much as it's played for irony in game it was, to a pretty big extent, his responsibility as captain to make sure that his crew could coexist. And he SHOULD have done more to stop Jimmy. I'm not saying he's innocent, I'm saying that the assumption that he was a bystander to Jimmy's actions simply due to toxic masculinity influencing men to cover for one another is a little inaccurate. It's definitely the more important takeaway because being conscious of the dangers around you is important. It's just that seeing the specific ways he was abused by Jimmy and how he reacted to it makes me feel like it was less of a toxic masculinity thing and more of a Fawn response thing, because he DEFINITELY was a victim of Jimmy's abuse too. And I feel like that's a little important, both to show how men can abuse and manipulate one another and to show how abuse in general can make more than the abuser a danger to others (in the sense of people who are abused are less likely to speak out when they see other abuse, because they're used to it (speaking from experience, not being an asshole)). But I really don't want this leading people to baby Curly and excuse him from not sticking up for Anya more, cuz it's not an excuse, it's an explanation, a further development. He is still at fault for not doing more, but I this the reason he didn't do more isn't a toxic masculinity thing but an abuse victim thing

(Also it's interesting to see how Jimmy doesn't fuck with Swansea very much. I assume it's because he knows he can't topple Swansea, yet he's already toppled Curly and Anya so they're the easiest victims of his abuses. He knows Swansea would fight back, but he already has Curly wrapped around his little finger and Anya severely traumatized so he just focuses on them instead. Also this is in reference to the fact he doesn't try to go around Swansea and get into the Util/Cryopod room until he thinks Anya's hurt Curly. It's like he's afraid of Swansea, which he should be <3)

[the-unaligned]

Bravern episode 8 spoilers

EP 8 Analysis

This is going to be super incoherent and is mostly just going to be me rambling but idc, I need to post this somewhere so it’s not ruminating in my head until I assault some random human with word vomit

So this is mostly going to be focus on episode 8 but I will touch back on previous episodes for references.

Anyways Episode 8 basically just confirmed the “Bravern is Smith” theory and I am so hype

What is the “Bravern is Smith” theory?

So the Bravern is Smith theory is a theory that.. well.. Bravern and Lewis Smith are the same person.

I’m not sure who started it but (I think) it started when the opening showed for the first time and we got to the scene of Smith’s arm becoming Bravern’s. From there it spiraled, more and more evidence pointing towards it, such as: Bravern knowing A LOT about Smith, Bravern making a lot of human pop culture references and speaking English interchangeably with Japanese (Smith does this too), Bravern being a super robot (Smith is a massive Super robot nerd) and a ton of other things

Episode 8:

Now we get into why I’m finally making a post about this, I’ve been following along with this theory since episode 2 and have been taking my notes on it but I never bothered posting about it anywhere

Why now?

Because episode 8 might’ve just confirmed it.

Let’s start with the opening:

So this right here is the catalyst that started this all, Smith’s arm turning into Bravern’s. Now, we knew all that, but the one thing we never knew until now was “who tf is glowy bitch”

Well,

I think is Knuth

“But why her? She looks nothing like the silhouette”

Look here, she has plates of armor that highly resemble two pairs of wings. Who else has two pairs of wings? The silhouette. Same placement and everything. I think the silhouette is meant to be vague, as to not tip the viewer off right away that the silhouette is a deathdrive.

We’ll come back to this later, I need to talk about Bravern’s lines during this episode.

I’m not entirely sure how to explain it but this line will be important later, for now it’s just more Super Robot inspirational speech

Right here is the important line, the title of the episode (which is what tipped me and a lot of other people off to Smith dying) and the last thing Bravern says to him. Now normally when entering a battlefield, you’d tell your comrade “Good luck”, “Until we meet again” makes it seem like someone will die, this is a line usually used when you’re not sure when you’ll see someone again. Bravern used this because he knew what was going to happen to Smith, and either he can’t stop it, or he doesn’t want to.

Bravern knows because he has gone through this before, as Smith.

That is likely why he told Smith to “save as many people as he can”, likely because when he went through this, a lot of people died

(This ties into my own branch of the theory where Bravern has already gone through all of this before and went back in time to change the outcome)

Now during the fight, Bravern isn’t really focused, he’s taking hits he’d normally be able to dodge and isn’t really rushing like he usually does. I think it’s because he’s trying to stall, trying to keep Isami away from Knuth and Smith so their fight can happen, either that or he’s distracted due to knowing what’s happening not that far away (or it could be both)

Before we get to this next part I wanna point out a quote I noticed during the episode from Knuth. I can’t find it just by scrolling and I’d rewatch the full episode to find it but Tumblr is lagging like hell and burning through my battery so I can’t

At one point Knuth mentioned something about fusing with Smith, this might mean that Knuth’s body ends up being the base for Bravern, but im still not 100% sure about that, just thought I’d add that. If she is the base and Bravern did in fact go back in time, this would make sense as Knuth had mentioned that she had gone back in time a few times

Now we get to focus on the important part of the episode, Smith’s death. Let’s just start listing off things to pay attention to.

(I reached the photo limit oops)

- Smith is humming his own theme song as he charges Knuth, Bravern sings his own theme song and blasts it whenever he fights

- He straight up says “Brave Slash” as he strikes Knuth

-Smith talks DIRECTLY INTO ISAMI’S MIND and says the following quote: “Isami. Isami. Brave. Brave… Bang.” And we all know why that’s important, the title of the show is literally “Bang Brave Bang Bravern”

There are still some questions, like “how was Smith able to use telepathy?” “How exactly is Bravern created?” “Is Bravern truly a fusion between Smith and Knuth?”

I know this probably makes zero sense but I need to get this out somewhere

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk (holy shit it’s so laggy)

Edit: I forgot to mention it but the foreshadowing for Smith’s death was so obvious, legit in his introduction Isami legit goes “You’re dead, the dead don’t talk” so uhh called it lmao

[bananashakepython]

late to kakyoin month day 27 because my Foolish ass decided to do one drawing for each prompt. and then i hurt my hand (which is fine now) which made it take longer. and then i rewatched stone ocean the second time this year and had to recover (which made it take longer). but at last! i have drawings

they're under the cut because i'm going to explain each one (loosely and incoherently) so it'll be long :^)

@kakyoinmonth day 27 - job/career/hobby

job

feel like way back in his college days rooming with jotaro he'd be a freelance artist just to keep some money coming in. not that they necessarily need it, bc i mean jotaro's family is the most loaded lineage on jojo planet earth, but i feel like kakyoin would be indignant about it and insist on making/using his own. he's not one to be coddled or anything even if jotaro wants to pay for him in a genuine way and not in a "oh you poor thing >.<" way. ESPECIALLY with important expenses

2. career

honestly so hard to make a decision here because wtf. wtf would he pursue. he likes so many things and is interested in so many things. but i thought about it as hard as i could for as long as i could and decided: he would basically have whatever job jotaro has in the speedwagon foundation. an extremely important investigator, a stand-user they can call on in times of need. because i mean sure, he could take a normal job, but would people in that job truly get him the way the crusaders/other stand users get him? in the way the speedwagon foundation gets him? because the foundation KNOWS about stands and stuff. they'd understand as much as they are able and accommodate him and i feel he'd appreciate that

HOWEVER! i think he would be like jotaro again in the sense that he's like, an art professor or a video game designer, and then a stand-using foundation member in secret. like how jotaro is serious as a marine biologist but also serious as a foundation member, and poses as only one of the two to keep himself and his loved ones safe. they'd look like normal (""normal"") people on the outside and in reality they are both detectives with punching ghosts AND are professors at the same time

couldn't decide on either art professor or video game designer. or some other unknown job that would probably also suit him that i can't think of. so it's just ambiguous or he manages to be both

3. hobby

okay. as you can see my art style went through a bit of a change (no idea if it's permanent or not, it has a mind of its own). and also there's two versions because i couldn't decide which one is funnier.

i need not explain his hobby you already know he's slamming his keyboards into pieces over his knee and screaming into his xbox mic and spam reporting people for cheating 800 consecutive times and typing on a rainbow keyboard with cat ear headphones

[cloveroctobers]

FEBRUARY FLUFF — JUAN “JUICE” ORTIZ.

A/N: Juice was always my man when it came to SOA and I’ll forever be traumatized and bitter over his storyline + how he was treated. That’s probably one of the reasons why I’ll never do a rewatch tbfh. In my mind he’s thriving and I’ve always wanted happiness for him and that’s what he’s gonna get here! Also my first time ever writing for this man so go easy on me although this is more HC (my version) form. Have a happy love day whether it’s with a significant other, family, friends, or just yourself! know that you’re always worthy and capable of receiving and giving love and not just on this one day of the year 🩷🫡

PROMPTS ARE FROM HERE + I’m using: 19. "can i see your hand?" / "sure, why?" / "so i can see how well it fits with mine." + 35. "let's take a stupid walk for our stupid mental health!"

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩

When you got word from your mother that Juan was back in town for good, you had to see so for yourself.

January’s always been gloomy but when you came face to face with the man you haven’t seen in years at the front door of his mother’s, you wanted to collapse but managed to keep your composure.

Juan’s sad but somewhat still warm eyes are unsure at first, taking in your facial expression but you clear his concerns as you’re yanking him tightly to your body in a tender embrace.

And he feels like he might just break down himself in your arms.

You were just what he needed.

The both of you had to make up for lost time and Juan had to keep convincing you that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Things didn’t work out in his favor in California (little did you know, he barely made it out alive) and Juan never wanted you to visit, although your older brother and his girlfriend, Saskia lived out there—which means you took trips but in a sense you learned to accept that was Juan’s way of protecting you from the demons that latched onto his soul.

You couldn’t take it personally since Ms. Hilda, his mother never visited either but spoke to him every couple of months—which may have been hard or if not harder for her.

Although the both of your mother’s were good friends that didn’t mean the both of you didn’t have your share of childhood trauma’s (because of them) that bled into your adulthood.

Nonetheless the both of you spent a month reconnecting, taking each day by day as it took to rebuild a friendship.

It felt right having Juan back in your life and he can honestly say the same.

“I never knew how much I missed you until I saw your face again,” he said to you over the phone one night.

Juan’s always been a sweetheart and never had an issue expressing his love for you to the point many kids back in school questioned if you were dating.

It never happened but that didn’t mean Juan didn’t want it to yet you found yourself in a few relationships here and there. Which was brought up by your mother during a birthday dinner for your brother (who was visiting) that February.

“I find it hard to believe that you’re still single. I mean hell, when is anybody going to give me a grandchild?” Your mother chatted over a glass of Cabernet playfully glaring at your brother who cleared his throat before setting her eyes back on you, “You know I saw Marlon just the other day?”

You fought the urge to roll your eyes at this. You’ve only been at the table for ten minutes, supposedly going over the menu and yet here your mother was worrying about children and your love life.

And she just had to bring your college ex into it.

“Really,” you gave faux interest as you viewed the entrees.

“Mhm. He’s been divorced for a few years now and he’s single. I even showed him a picture of you to see if he remembered you. He laughed about it and said he thought you were with Juan now.”

Your brother is coughing now on his own drink and his girlfriend of four years is patting him on the back.

Glancing to your right you stare at Juan rubbing at his face in thought, who mentally seemed to be having a tough day today. He stayed at your house last night and apologized over breakfast about how he got into these dark moods.

You assured him that he didn’t have to apologize for his feelings. Asking if he wanted to be your plus one tonight, only if it was up for it.

He’d push through it for you because he was devoted to being near you as much as possible since he didn’t want to lose anymore time with his best friend.

How would Marlon assume this? You’re turning back to your mother now, furrowed brows while you reply, “why did he think that?”

“He said he saw the both of you running around the park together. He wanted to say hi but you and Juan seemed to be racing and he didn’t want to interrupt.” Your mother informs, staring at you two underneath her eyelashes with her lips moving back to the rim of her glass.

This didn’t make you feel any sort of way because you also haven’t seen Marlon in years either. You weren’t really checking for him but—the breakup didnt turn sour—it was mutual! however it was interesting to see different perspectives on how people viewed you and Juan.

Juan was gone from New York by the time you both reached your early twenties and by then you were still with Marlon. Juan would visit up at school and hung out with you two a couple of times! even when Marlon tried to put him onto some college girls…there was a part of Juan that felt like he was guilty of something.

Even when he engaged in activities—sure it may have felt great in the moment but he always ended up feeling like shit since he wanted it to be you.

So yes you were part of the reason why he got out of New York and to find a better sense of direction for himself.

You’re shrugging your shoulders redirecting the conversation, “well..I’m sorry things didn’t work out with his wife.”

“Are you?”

“Mom! Chill.” Your brother stepped in which you were somewhat thankful for. Why were you always getting shit on when you knew it was on the tip of your mother’s tongue that your brother “should” be thinking about marriage since she hinted at you once before during your girl’s day.

Although you and your dad both were aware that your brother didn’t want to get married.

“I’m just saying you should think about it or what about that guy from high school? The funny looking one.”

“They were both goofy to me. Especially Stu.” Your brother snorted while you shielded your middle finger from your mother to direct at your sibling.

Your first boyfriend was senior year and he cheated on you with a redhead because he got dumped prior to asking you out. It made sense to him but definitely not to you.

Yeah that’s highschool stupidity for you!

Juan shuddered at the mention of your first boyfriend, “man that guy? He was ridiculously obnoxious in and outside of class and hung out with that other guy…the one who gave me serious serial killer vibes.”

“You did always say that,” you laughed to yourself and couldn’t deny it. You never wanted to be alone with Stu’s best friend at the time, the way his dark eyes bored into yours always made you feel uneasy.

“He’s harmless!” Stu would persuade you before always leaving you with him for at least a minute or two.

Your mother pried, “Well where is he now?”

“Hell if I know? Probably married to another redhead with three or four kids? Still possibly cheating? What is this, a walk down memory lane?”

Juan could sense you were getting agitated about this and placed his hand right above your knee which made you exhale.

Your mother is raising her hands, “I’m just looking out for you and your brother’s happiness. That’s all.”

“I am happy. Go dig in his business then, it’s his birthday anyway.” You suggested while your mother just scoffed.

Raising your brows, your mother continued knowing that you were always ready to challenge her, “I will but when’s the last time you’ve been in a serious relationship?”

“Are you the expert when it comes to relationships now? You waited six months after the divorce from dad to get married to someone else. You settled for dad’s bullshit for years and now suddenly you want to micromanage what goes on in mine? Are you keeping this same energy with your step kids?”

Your brother is calling your name as a warning now but you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t triggered.

growing up having your mother constantly in your ear saying to you, “you’ll never get a bf because of xyz.” Simply from little stupid things you would do as a pre-teen to teenage years was damaging because you were just an insecure kid not worrying about romantic relationships in the slightest. Although you had a mother who seemed to be more concerned about the male gaze for you.

So what if your room got messy? So what if there were days where you didn’t want to be bothered with your hair? Or was too much in grown folks business when your mother would gossip on the phone about inappropriate subjects right in front of you! while also bringing up all of your business to her friends or family members like some sort of humiliation tactic and then never taking your emotions into account when you voiced your discomfort?

Don’t get it wrong, of course you had love for your mother but you couldn’t erase what was said and done. A list of things that still stuck with you and things that you should perhaps just “let go of,” yet she still felt comfortable to talk about your love life like you were some low self-esteem kid.

You never had that relationship where you felt safe to share anything with your mother because of her critiques.

“Hold on now, I’m just trying to make conversation—

“You don’t need to. Not when it comes with an opinion i never asked for to match.”

Then comes the tears and Saskia is tending to her, whisking your mother away to the bathroom with her crying to Sas about how she, “tries to be a good mother and these are the things she gets.”

“Did you have to do this on my day?” Your brother sighs while your eyes are in slits.

“You and dad are the exact same, always expecting me to just take it. I don’t give a damn if it was Easter, if she’s coming at me then I’m going to let her know. I know she’ll always be mom but she refuses to ever see my side on anything.”

“Why does it have to be about sides? We’re family at the end of the day.”

The famous excuse for it all so it seems!

“And we must always be on some we are the world bullshit too, no matter what huh?”

Juan covers his snort at this, which earns him a look from your brother, leaving Juan to mumble out an apology.

It’s quiet for a moment as your brother tries to figure out how to make this okay but you don’t want to stick around to continue this dinner. In your eyes it felt ruined already.

Only seconds pass when you decide it’s best if you go. You’re on your feet, slipping back into your outerwear before wrapping an arm across your brother’s shoulders squeezing him as you peck his temple.

“Love you, mean it. I’ll take you out myself at another time.” You say as all your older brother can do is nod his head, briefly resting his hand on top of yours before you let go.

You’re peering at Juan who’s still seated and say, “want to take a walk with me?”

“Sure, whatever you want, yeah!” He sits up before grabbing his beanie and jacket, “I don’t care.”

You quickly begin to walk off before your sas and your mom come back, sending a silent message to your old friend that you’ll be outside.

Your brother tells Juan, “look after my sister, okay?”

“You got it,” Juan says, wishing the older man another birthday wish before making his way out to you.

The both of you are now walking side by side, enjoying the city’s lights and each other’s company.

“Thanks for coming with me. The longer I sat there getting into it with my mom the faster my brain was telling me to get the fuck out. I figured: let's take a stupid walk for our stupid mental health!"

Juan chuckles at this, “I know what you mean. I also had a disagreement with my sister too before I crashed at yours.”

That revealed just a dash about what led to Juan’s mood last night.

“Yeah?” Your eyes peep to the left of you at the beanie-wearing man, “You want to talk about it?”

It wasn’t much different with what went down with you and yours. Except Juan’s mother was the one to break it up and scold him for defending himself against his sister.

She still felt like he didn’t have himself together (despite the fact that he was now working at a mechanic shop and had a side tech gig at an outlet mall—paid under the table now! If you’re talking about his mental then that was a different story!) either and was the main one who told him not to go out to California. She begged him to stay and that began their estrangement.

His sister blamed him for his own unhappiness and if he would have stayed here maybe he wouldn’t have dealt with that darkness charming brought him.

Which hurt to hear.

He walks even closer to you now as he said, “nah, not really if that’s okay?”

“What?” You lightly bumped his shoulder, “Course it is, just know you can when you want to.”

He gives you a lopsided smile, “Thanks.”

You loop an arm around Juan’s waist, resting your head against his shoulder, as you blended into the city together.

Juan’s dreamed of times like these except you were miles apart but hearts still in sync.

The silence between you two lets you know that you’re both holding onto something so heavy but find that it doesn’t weigh as much when you’re both near each other.

By the time you’re making your way back to your side of town, one subway ride later and more miles to walk back to your place—the night feels like any normal routine.

Eventually the both of you fall into chatter and soft smiles as you continue your rest on the subway, head tucked underneath juice’s chin that his facial hair still pricks your thick hair but you don’t mind.

You’re both laughing about old times when you reach your 1975 raised ranch, half standing on the steps and you’re wiping the tears from the corner of your eyes, “you coming in?”

The last thing Juan wanted to do was head back to his ma’s side of town so a dip of his head was all that you needed, sending him a smile and a nudge of your head to welcome him back inside.

“We gotta eat something although you’re really not supposed to eat after seven…”Juan says to you after kicking off his shoes and heading straight from the main entrance pass the living room right to the kitchen.

“I forgot how much of a health freak you are.” You tease, hanging up your coats in the near by closet.

Juan’s mumbling to himself as he moves around the cut off kitchen, “And you need more fruits and veggies in here. What’s the point of having a juicer and having nothing to use it?”

“My common law sister in law? If you believe in that sort of thing! got it for me. It works as decoration,” You argued, “I can just go buy me a fruit or veggie juice.”

“And be wasteful of this beautiful gift?”

“If you want it, I’ll regift it to you for a belated Christmas gift then.” You sass, going to lean in the archway.

Juan shakes his head while he’s eyeing all the ingredients he’s laid out on the counter, “no point in doing that if I’m just going to be over here majority of the time anyway.”

“Oh is that right?”

“I mean…yeah…if you’re comfortable with that.”

You roll your eyes, “I’ll take you for as long as I can have you, Juanie and you know that.”

He casts a smile over his shoulder at you before waving his hand along formally towards the dining room, “have a seat. This won’t be anything extravagant since your selection of food kinda sucks…we’ll talk about that later but I need my work space clear.”

You saluted, “heard chef,” before you walked into the next room over.

Which leaves you to send off a text to your brother letting him know you both made it safe before choosing to browse social media.

The words of your mother did get into your head as you’re sitting here searching up your two exes and you laugh to yourself at how foolish you were being. You haven’t though about either of those two in a long time, not in the same way you thought about Juan nearly every day.

Yet here you were letting your mother get into your head again: about two men that didn’t hold meaning to your life now.

“Bon appetite.” Juan tells you after awhile, placing the plates down on the table and picking the seat right next to you.

“And what do we call this meal?”

“P.O. In 10. Which stands for: party’s over in ten minutes.”

You both stare at each other and let out a laugh, “how clever.”

A struggle meal of: ground turkey on ranch Doritos topped with cheese and left over black olives with a side of strawberry moscato was your dinner for that night and you didn’t dare complain.

Juan’s gone into one of his rapid conversations of one of his old friends, a guy named chibs that he would have loved for you to meet and of course you find it sweet that he still found someone to speak highly of when he’s vaguely told you that all was not well in charming.

“can i see your hand?" You suddenly ask the man who’s grown out his hair and sported facial hair that made him appear older.

Juan’s finishing off the last of his homemade nacho’s, stuffing his face but doesn’t hesistate as he places his smooth veiny but much larger one into yours, “sure, why?"

You’re tracing the lines of his palm and recall the time the both of you went to a palm reader on senior skip day for shits and giggles although Juan seemed to believe every word the lady said.

He said he had a great tía from Puerto Rico that he met once or twice who was very spiritual but different from a palm reader. His mother got pissed off when she brought her work to the house that one time when she was supposed to be looking after him and his sister.

That soon became Juan’s job.

You wondered about how these hands had to scrap their way through just to survive.

Then you explain, “so i can see how well it fits with mine." Before interlacing your right with his and Juan can’t help but to grin at you.

And there’s that boyish smile that spreads to the corners of his eyes that you can’t resist while he speaks with you, “You’re so cute, you’re corny. If you wanted to makeout, all you had to do was just say so.”

You don’t think about it, “alright, maybe I do.”

“What?! Don’t joke like that.” Juan’s eyes are wide now, ready to slip his hand right from yours.

“I’m not.” You lift your shoulders as Juan sits back in the chair with a sigh.

Juan’s staring at you with a curiosity that makes you want to look away but you can’t.

“What if all we needed was to just be honest with ourselves and look at what’s directly in front of us.”

“…I don’t follow.”

“Us, Juan! I always felt like i was waiting for something, even with the others after Stu and Marlon. There was always this pull and maybe that was you…and if this is all in my head just say that. You can tell me.”

Juan rubs at his face in thought. He already knew how he felt about you and how it never went away.

“No…it’s not all in your head. I don’t know if you know this but…you’ve always been it for me and I—learned to be okay with just being your best friend since that’s what you always wanted from me. I thought moving across the country was the answer but that only hurt us more.”

“Part of me felt like you didn’t care who I was with. You just took it for what it was.”

“You’re so wrong,” Juan scoffed out some laughter, “I just wanted you be happy and not be selfish about wishing it was me that got to do everything with you all the time. They took my space.”

You instantly reply, “Never could.”

“No?”

“No, blockhead.” You lightly grip and shake his shoulders.

“Now we’re down to the insults I see.”

You shrug with a smirk, “Let me kiss you…just to see.”

“See what?” Juan felt his heart hammering in his chest now, “That we’re completely in love with each other? A kiss won’t tell me what I don’t already know, babe.”

A scrunch of your nose is present, “Not you sounding like you don’t want to kiss me—

“What—no—

Sighing you got up from the chair and plopped right down in Juan’s lap, wrapping your arms across his shoulders and staring into his eyes that softened as they settled on your close proximity.

“You smell nice,” he awkwardly says, carefully placing his hands right down on your hip.

You laugh as you move your hands to cup his face, lightly caressing your thumbs over his facial hair, looking at his lips and then back to his eyes before you lean forward to place your lips right on his.

His hands tighten around you but his shoulders seem to relax. Juan can’t hold back the moan in the back of his throat that escapes his parted lips but that doesn’t stop him from kissing you back.

There’s tongue in there somewhere in the mix and the hold the both of you have on each other is enough to erase the miles that were once placed between you.

His hooked nose brushes against yours as you pull back, eyes closed and trying to catch your breath. His forehead rests against yours and Juan has to clear his throat and blink several times in hopes of getting rid of the static that sits in the center of his bottom lip.

“Wow,” he exhales with a grin while you’re playing with the strand of curls at the back of his head.

A satisfied smile is on your face, “What was that shit you were talking?”

“I wasn’t talking shit,” Juan frowns, “I was just saying that my heart already knows what it wants without putting my lips on yours. I loved you the moment your mom forced you to be my friend.”

You shake your head with a smile, “that didn’t take much force, Ortiz. I always thought you could be the one.”

“And…you never said anything why? That would have saved us a lot of time!”

You shrug, “I think our love story is meant to start now.”

“Nope it’s been a W.I.P. but now the progress is actually progressing…”

You squint, “With both of us tasting like Doritos and strawberry wine?”

“If it makes sense to mother universe then who am I to argue with her?”

“At least one of us gets it then.” You kiss his cheek and go to move off his lap but he yanks you right back, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Yeah, that maybe love’s always got our back in the end.”

“So…that’s what’s poking me right now?”

Juan feels his face burn, “Sorry—I—couldn’t help it.”

“I could—

“No. Nope. Not yet, let me just hold you and get used to the fact that I get to kiss you from now on. If…we get to labeling each other that is.”

“You want to be mine, Ortiz?”

“Don’t tell me you can’t tell.” He groans pressing his forehead into your shoulder leaving you laughing.

“Only if I get to be yours.”

“Fuck yeah!”

You nuzzle your face against his profile as you hum, “I’ll love you even more for the rest of my life Juan Carlos Ortiz…sounds like a plan?”

And he feels his heart swell at that, knowing that he didn’t have to be alone anymore the longer he had you in his arms.

“Sounds like the best plan, yet. And I love you too, so much.” He gently says into your ear before you turn to him again, capturing his lips once more.

જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩 જ⁀➴ᡣ𐭩

February fluff anthology series continues here.

[scoobydoodean]

ok so I deeply love and respect your thoughts on supernatural because the majority of them line up with what I've been thinking for years but you said something the other day that I keep turning over in my brain and it was something along the lines of carver liking dean more than sam - I know you're in the middle of rewatching s4 but I would love to hear you expound on that (if you have time) because I remember being in the fandom while carvernatural was airing and it was pretty much when the deangirl exodus started. in fact I think people tore into him worse than dabb even 😭

feel free to hold onto this until later when you start the carver seasons if you wish :)

<3 I'll go ahead and answer this one, because it's more of a "broad strokes" thing for me, and I've been rewatching very slowly (on purpose) so that could be a very long wait.

This is so funny because I can just picture Sam fans reading it and turning red and their blood boiling with the fire of a thousand suns but the TL;DR is that season 8-11 (Carver era) broad strokes to me are:

Sam sucks and is a worse brother and person than Dean.

Sam spends the first two seasons of Carver's run thinking he's a better person than Dean anyway and then the second two knowing he sucks, deciding to embrace his moral flexibility to keep Dean alive no matter the cost, and trying to mend things.

Dean is circled by many potential suitors who also in a sense represent Sam replacements because Sam sucks: Benny, Cas, Crowley, and Amara.

Dean knows that Sam sucks and part of him wants to get tf away from him very badly but another part of him feels guilty for wanting that. Family is suffering. Family is a chain around your neck keeping you tied to them via guilt. (Demon Dean represents the desire for escape, as does Amara).

Everybody wants to be with Dean, be Dean, and/or be loved by Dean. Dean is love. Dean is the world. Dean is the reason for existing. Everybody is lovesick about him. Sam is just there.

Sam needs to stop blaming Dean for so many things and learn to own his own choices.

That was fun to write down.

Longer commentary/explanation below the cut.

Season 8 (Carver's first season) literally begins with a Sam character assassination. It begins with us learning that Sam knowingly left Kevin to spend the rest of his life kidnapped and tortured without even telling a soul what happened to him. Not only did he abandon Dean and Cas as well but he didn't even look for them, and refuses to give a satisfying answer as to why.

Season 8 Sam's abandonment as distinct from previous behavior

I have had people this year who I love and respect tell me they don't view this as a character assassination and say they believe this is in character for Sam. I simply do not agree with that. I talk about this as it relates to Kevin here.

Sam has displayed selfishness and a big ego at many points in the series up to season 8. He's told a lot of lies (sometimes to the point of gaslighting), he's gone behind Dean's back to do things that affect Dean's life, he's taken traumatic experiences Dean opened up to him about and ultimately harmed Dean with them, he's shown resentments and anger, he's displayed jealousy, he's displayed a sense of superiority. He has never abandoned his brother to die without even trying. The Sam of season 3 would eviscerate season 8 Sam for this.

Sometimes Sam says and does things he shouldn't, but his crimes do not include "abandoning Dean to die without even looking for him" up to season 8. Many of his crimes happen at least partly because he really really doesn't want Dean to die or is desperate to save his life. He lets go of his anger at John and returns to make sure Dean is safe in 1.11. He refuses to give up and finds a way to save Dean in 1.12. In 1.22, he's willing to put John's life at risk for revenge, but in 2.01 he gets into an outright screaming match with John in the hospital under the belief that John's prioritizing the demon over Dean. Sam spends all of season 3 raging and angst-ing about not being able to save Dean to the point of considering and doing some shady as hell things/abandoning some of his more stalwart moral stances (3.05, 3.11, 3.15, 3.16). Dean's death and later, the desire to secure his safety/future, is one of the catalysts for Sam's descent into drinking demon blood (3.09, 3.16, 4.04, 4.09, 4.12). When he dies in "Swan Song", he urges Dean to pursue a normal, safe, life because he knows that at that point in time, Dean wants to get out but has always felt trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20, 3.01, 4.12, 4.16). Even Soulless Sam (who isn't the same as regular Sam) tried to look for Dean in 6.09 "Clap Your Hands If You Believe"—it was simply that when leads for the night dried up, he hooked up with someone because he had nothing more to go on and in soulless Sam's head that was the reasonable thing to do. But soulless Sam also certainly isn't representative of the real Sam—the fact that he doesn't care as much is supposed to point us to differences between him and regular Sam. Season 8 opens with Sam abandoning Dean in a context that makes him arguably worse than his soulless self.

(I talk about why Sam actually abandons everyone in season 8 in a very long post here).

Season 8 and 9 more broadly

So Carver has Sam abandon Dean to die without even trying. Then he has Sam refuse to give any kind of actually reasonable explanation that makes sense to anyone who was paying attention. Then he has Sam say that he's going to leave the life and Dean needs to get over it and accept that Sam's new life will not include contact with Dean (just like his life at Stanford didn't). While saying he's going to leave, he still wants to exert control over Dean's relationships and leverages the threat of leaving (as if he were going to stay) to get Dean to shut up about Sam abandoning him and then again to try and get Dean to cut ties with Benny. He wants to kill Benny before knowing a single thing about him. He assigns someone (Martin) who he knows is mentally unstable and has a more black and white perception of monsters to track Benny and gets Martin killed. He watches Martin knock Dean unconscious and chain him up in a room and doesn't stop it because he wants Benny dead that bad, but then has the audacity to act as if Dean sending him a fake text is worse than Sam literally chaining him up in a room to prevent Sam from killing an innocent person (someone Sam would normally—btw—defend based on episodes like 2.03 and 4.04 or even a few episodes ago with Kate in "Bitten"). He tells Amelia he wants to fight for their relationship then the moment Dan says they should leave the choice to Amelia, he leaves so that it becomes his choice, and then he returns for one episode just to be a homewrecker. He insists on doing The Trials while promising to survive them and giving a big speech about how he's going to save Dean from his own suicidal ideation and then drops the promise as if it never existed two episodes later. Sam loses confidence in himself to complete The Trials and then acts like Dean is the one who doesn't believe in him because Dean is caring for him and insisting he rest and this is an unforgivable offense. At the end of the season, he basically says he's going to commit suicide because Dean has friends besides him. He acts as if he deserves to be Dean's most trusted confidant after an entire season of him being an absolutely fucking terrible brother and acts like Dean is just a big meanie whose feelings are irrational.

After all of this, he has the audacity, in season 9, to suggest that Dean is a bad person who can't stand the thought of being alone. He tells Dean he's the worst person ever and they can only be work partners from now on because Dean is so so bad and evil for stopping him from committing suicide and then not telling him about Gadreel. At the end of the season he admits this was a lie. He just wanted to punish Dean (9.23).

I can see how—if you were watching live at the time (I started watching when season 11 was airing) you'd lose hope. You'd quit the show over all of this, because it seems to go on forever. It's like torture. I would drop kick season 8 Sam into a pit full of lava without hesitation so I get it. If I believed that Carver was actually saying "Yes so true Dean is The Worst™️ and Sam is morally superior <3" for two seasons straight I'd quit the show too. But that isn't what he's saying. We're supposed to read between the lines and realize how unbelievably full of shit Sam is—how deeply selfish and hypocritical he's being. How yes—Dean has made mistakes—but Sam is NOT a better person than him and has gotten away with some absolutely rancid garbage. And season 10 and 11 go on to beat you over the head with it if you didn't get it the first time.

Season 10 and 11

Season 10 opens with this dialogue from a demon:

I heard the rumors. I said "no, that can't be." A Winchester, one of us? But it's true, isn't it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it's all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!

We're meant to think she's talking about Dean who just woke up with black eyes, but then the camera cuts to Sam torturing her, demanding to know where Dean is.

In 10.03, we learn that Sam talked a man (Lester) into selling his soul so he could use him as bait. Demon Dean ends up being assigned to fulfill Lester's deal (to kill his wife for cheating on him). Dean immediately clocks Lester as having cheated on her first and kills Lester for being an insufferable hypocrite... and while he's doing it, I'm pretty sure he's also thinking of Sam's flaming hypocrisy.

SAM: I never meant— DEMON DEAN: Who cares what you meant?! That line that we thought was so clear between us and the things that we hunted, ain’t so clear is it? Wow. You might actually be worse than me! I mean, you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work.

NOTE: 10.03 also recalls 4.21—an episode Sam fans have always tended to emphasize as a "Dean crime" episode where Dean risks Sam's death to force a detox. Sam does the reverse—pumping Dean full of human blood here in 10.03 and explicitly risking his death.

Sam gets Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" while searching for The Book of the Damned.

SAM I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. SUZIE Lot of good “sorry” does me. Look at me. Look….at….me. [She points to her corpse.] There she is. The first casualty of your misguided mission. But what’s another human life to you? Anything’s worth it, as long as you two make it out alive. And how’s that search going? Any closer to a cure? SAM This isn’t real. You’re not real. SUZIE You think Dean’s the wild card, the loose cannon. But don’t you see? Making deals with witches, opening Pandora’s box down there? You’re the reckless one. You’ll do anything to keep clinging to that doomed brother of yours. How many more will die, Sammy? You know it. You have to be stopped. And the only one who can stop you is you!

A few episodes later, Sam orders Oskar's death for a spell to remove the Mark of Cain. I've seen hilarious posts before about how he had no choice but to do this because MoC Dean is so scawy and bad but that quite explicitly is not his motivation. They could have done so many other things. Throw him into space. Bury him in a really deep hole. Put him in something like The Cage. But Sam didn't like any of those options, because all of them meant being without his brother, and he's realized he doesn't want to be without him no matter the cost (10.18).

SAM So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh… CHARLIE He saved you. SAM Yeah, he saved me. CHARLIE And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him? SAM Yeah, that sounds about right. [...] SAM You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…. CHARLIE I got it. I-I do.

This all culminates in 10.23, where a very mentally unstable MoC Dean attempts to reason with Sam about them both being evil and needing to take themselves out:

DEAN: Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the Gates of Hell? Well, you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then. SAM: Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back. DEAN: And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it. SAM: No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean. DEAN: Why? Because we -- we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity -- our family, our friends. It's time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it. SAM: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen... We're far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me. DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you --when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world. SAM: You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way.

Dean is saying a lot of shady shit here, but some of what he's saying... isn't wrong?

Sam is willing to let The Darkness destroy the world, and he does, and then standing in the aftermath of a town being destroyed by the force he unleashed, Sam says:

SAM: I unleashed a force on this world that could destroy it . . . to save you. DEAN: And I told you not to. SAM: And I'd do it again. In a second, I would do it again.

Thousands of people are dying and Sam says he would do it again. This post about Sam's actions versus Dean stopping Sam from closing the gates of hell is highly relevant.

Season 11 continues with Sam taking a little more responsibility for his own decisions, while praying for Dean to live (11.02):

SAM: So . . . I know it's been a long time, but . . . Dean and I, we've -- we've been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I've made my peace with that, but . . . Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don't even know if you're out there, but . . . If you are . . . And if you can hear me, I, um . . . We need your help, God. We need to know there's hope. We need a sign.

And then there's the VERY long-awaited apology:

SAM When I was with Lucifer, he, um... He showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures. DEAN Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does. SAM Give me a sec. I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone.

Family (Sam) as chains

While all of this is happening, we also have Benny and Cas and Crowley and Amara.

Benny is contrast—someone whose goodness and selfless loyalty only makes Sam's horrible flaws stand out more sharply in season 8. Under the influence of the specter, Dean says, "Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you have ever been" and Sam can't stand it. It haunts him so bad he tries to kill Benny, and can't get over it even after the end of the season when Benny is fucking dead. He is unable to accept that the contrast between himself and Benny is his own fault.

Crowley and Dean's flirtations begin in season 9, as Sam suffocates Dean, and at the end of the season, Crowley has literally convinced Dean to run away with him. In 10.01, there is a delightful phone call where Crowley rubs it in Sam's face that Dean is with HIM:

SAM I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying. CROWLEY You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine. SAM He's not your pet. CROWLEY My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels. “The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel." Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

It's this cruel callback to Sam's jealousy of Benny and Cas in season 8—how Crowley convinced Dean to finally ditch his smothering, controlling brat of little brother who can't stand him having friends, and now Dean is having the time of his life howling at the moon. The problem is, Dean also feels a little bit like maybe Crowley wants to control him too, and that isn't working for him.

Amara in season 11 goes on to further speak on terrible brothers who think they're better than you, who leave you betrayed and diminished, who abandon you. She's raging against the concept of family as chains—she wants revenge... but all the while she's in pain because she still loves her brother. Amara's attraction to Dean is based on that commonality—what she feels is a shared experience and how she wants to cut the last remaining pieces of love she feels for her brother away so she can finally be free of the pain of him—and she doesn't care if she destroys everything—including herself—in the process. (See: Dean slowly losing his identity through the MoC arc). Sam and Dean's relationship is in rehab over this whole season though, and so Dean's role ends up being to convince Amara not to destroy herself—to instead do what Sam and Dean have done and make up and work on improving their relationship.

[nofomogirl]

One of many roots of ineffable husbands' misunderstandings

There are many reasons why the S2 finale took us by surprise so much, and one of them is that we gaslighted ourselves into believing that Aziraphale and Crowley understand each other on the deepest possible level.

They don't.

Because they never talk. Not openly. Not about things that really matter.

I'm sure they've made a plethora of accurate observations about each other over the millennia, yes, but at the same time missed just as many things and formed just as many wrong assumptions.

We know that now.

For the last five months, we've been collectively shattering the illusion (most of us, anyway), and today I wanted to add to that noble effort. Something occurred to me while I was working on another post and I think it deserves to be its own thing rather than a sidenote in another lengthy meta.

It's probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but here I go.

Crowley doesn't actually understand how Aziraphale makes decisions.

I was rewatching season 1 to confirm some things for my next analysis, as one normally does, and I had a minor epiphany about the scene where Aziraphale agrees to get involved in stopping Armageddon.

Let's recall how it went.

Crowley started listing things Aziraphale would lose along with Earth, and things he would have to endure in Heaven.

Aziraphale rejected his idea and tried to leave.

Crowley hooked Aziraphale back in by inviting him for lunch.

Crowley let Aziraphale enjoy his meal and relax.

Crowley bought himself more time by inviting himself over for drinks.

Crowley started giving more examples of things Aziraphale could enjoy on Earth that he wouldn't have in Heaven.

Crowley went on a rant on how nasty Armageddon would be.

Once more Crowley described just how miserable Aziraphale's life would be after Armageddon, for eternity.

Aziraphale cracked and admitted he didn't want Armageddon to happen. However, he insisted he could not disobey God's will.

Crowley pointed out that it might be God's plan for Armageddon to be prevented, that Aziraphale's duty as an angel was to stop whatever the demons were planning to do, and since right now they were planning to bring about Armageddon, he should stop that.

Aziraphale finally agreed and shook on it.

Until now I never questioned that it was a masterful temptation by temptation master Crowley and every stage was purposeful and absolutely necessary to achieve the final goal.

First Crowley made Aziraphale really want to prevent Armageddon and then helped him reframe the situation in a way that would allow the angel to do what he wanted. He gave him an excuse. A plausible deniability.

But what if that wasn't it?

What if what Crowley was actually doing was taking one approach after another until something finally worked? What if Aziraphale didn't really need any softening or priming, and Crowley had just wasted a whole day on ineffective tactics because he didn't know what would do the trick until he finally chanced upon it?

The more I thought about it the more convinced I was that that was the case, and right now I can't believe I was clinging so tightly to the idea that Crowley knew what he was doing with Aziraphale.

Because if he really did understand his angel as well as I used to believe, why would he be so unsuccessful at reaching him when it mattered the most?

A popular interpretation is that in those crucial moments, Crowley simply lacked time, and convincing Aziraphale always required time. When time was lacking Crowley's finesse was useless against the angel's stubbornness, so he failed.

I can see how that makes sense, but as I've said, personally, I changed my mind.

The interpretation I'm suggesting is that Aziraphale never needed all that much time to be convinced of something. It only took Crowley so much time because he was pushing his buttons blindly until something worked. Because he didn't know what the right one was, and when he had only one chance he would always push the wrong one.

So, how does Aziraphale make decisions?

He chooses what he thinks is right.

Yes, it can get rather complicated. On the one hand, he is heavily indoctrinated, and it impacts his judgment. He can just embrace the most ridiculous piece of celestial propaganda on occasion and stick to it stubbornly. On the other hand, we know that his sense of right and wrong isn't really tied to Heaven or even God. We know because we've seen choices he'd made in the Job minisode.

But while it may not be easy to predict what Aziraphale will deem right in any given situation, the fact remains that this is what it comes down to. This is what ultimately informs his choices, especially the big ones, and the most effective way to persuade Aziraphale to do something is by proving to him that it would be the right thing to do. Or that the other option wouldn't.

I don't think Crowley realizes it. And there's a good reason why.

A great many choices aren't about right and wrong. They're just choices between two equally neutral options. Sometimes two equally ambivalent options. Either way, not really moral choices.

The problem with Aziraphale is that while he's managing perfectly fine small morally neutral choices, he's not very good with big ones. I believe that he expects all big choices to be moral choices and he has trouble making them when they're not. I've seen quite a few posts here arguing that Aziraphale is incapable of choosing his own happiness for its own sake, and I wholeheartedly agree.

And Crowley doesn't understand it.

He's not that far off the mark when the choice really is a moral one. When he was trying to convince Aziraphale to the Arrangement his arguments were about how the end result would be the same, ie. how it wouldn't be wrong. When he was trying to convince Aziraphale to kill Adam, he was pointing out how it would save everybody.

But when the choice isn't inherently a moral one, he doesn't understand why it's difficult for Aziraphale.

And in the most dire situations, he doesn't understand he could maybe try and go this route.

[ninallthatjazz]

I am rewatching Shadow and Bone and I have so many thoughts about the Kanej wound dressing scene in S2E3 dkwbjdorbr it's one of the best scenes in the show imo.

The hesitant way Kaz enters the room, like he knows exactly that it will be hard for him to see Inej hurt and, more importantly, angry at him. He looks at the floor for a second to gather his courage before he speaks.

Mirroring Kaz in the first episode, Inej senses his presence before he makes himself known. She goes still for a second, staring straight ahead, before resuming what she is doing.

The trembling in Inej's voice on the line "you are gambling with our lives" because she is so furious and hurt and can just not understand why Kaz is not his usual level-headed, cold-hearted, calculated self. Kaz can be cruel and detached, but she knows how to work with that, she knows him. This is uncharted territory, and it terrifies her, especially because she will be right back where she started if this goes wrong.

Kaz immediately turning away when Inej starts to take off her blouse (despite the layers she wears underneath). I am wondering if it's more for her sake or if he doesn't trust himself to keep his desire for her locked away in the dark corner of his heart where he usually keeps it buried.

Kaz fighting to get out the words "Pekka Rollins killed my brother", breathing heavily like speaking those words are enough to make him drown.

Inej looking at him with fire in her eyes and saying in the most eerily calm voice "then we destroy him". He gave her a reason, and this is all she needed to trust in him and fight by his side.

Kaz looking up at those words like he can't believe that he heard correctly, like he has to make sure the hope growing in him is grounded in reality.

The resolve in his eyes when he starts walking towards her, hand shaking when he silently asks her to give him the cloth so he can clean her wound.

Inej's stunned look at his face, trying to read the situation. Is Kaz Brekker trying to take care of me? In a situation that requires touch?

Her little gasp when the cloth makes contact with her skin. I don't think pain is the cause.

Kaz trying so hard, but still clenching his jaw like he is biting steel, breathing fast, feeling the water rise.

The look they share after "was there no one to protect you?" saying that no, they were both alone then. But they are not alone any longer.

Inej's little arched brow and casual tone when she asks "do I have one?" (a tell). She wants to know if he sees her, her, who tried to be invisible most of the time. Him immediately giving an answer.

Her asking him to be vulnerable with her in return. "what's yours?" whispered in the intimite air between them.

Kaz trying desperately to keep his armor on by deflecting with the limp. Immediately losing it when she keeps looking at him (looking at his mouth) telling her what she wants to know, he would tell her everything, if she just keeps looking at him like that..

Inej understanding even without him saying it (I want you), leaning into him.

I could rewatch this another 100 times and I would still find new things. Freddy and Amita deserve all the awards for this incredibly nuanced performance.

[pastafossa]

hi pasta :) hope your week is going well so far !!

i dunno if you’ve spoken about this or been asked before (i apologise if you have) but i was just wondering how you always get matt’s characterisation so spot on?? if i didn’t know any better, i’d have thought you wrote the show. i can literally always picture him doing/saying the stuff you write <333

😭😭😭 This is like, an AMAZING compliment oh my god, thank you so much!

As for the question I'm not sure if I've talked about it before but ironically seeing it in my ask box triggered a discussion with sis. Like, I know there are folks who have a different take on Matt than mine. That's valid! So I don't want to be like... 'I did the research and delved and etc etc' because they do too. But eventually me and sis arrived at a conclusion that it's a few combos of things that makes Matt easy for me to click with:

A lot of psych classes in college that ironically I've used more for writing than anything else. This helped me understand some of how Matt's background of abandonment and trauma would potentially affect him and influence his coping techniques and behavior. I like learning psych stuff in general so that all wound up being an influence. I'll always recommend digging into this when working with characters!

I've watched Daredevil over and over and over and over and the more I've rewatched, the more I wind up picking up on new things and analyzing what Matt is thinking or feeling (bless Charlie for giving Matt so many little hints and fidgets and subtle touches of what Matt's internally feeling). This includes interviews, behind the scenes stuff, anything breaking down the why of Matt. I'm familiar with him at this point.

There are certain parts of Matt's character that I relate to incredibly strongly as a disabled person with chronic pain raised in the church, and also as someone who went through a long lonely period of depression where I felt very isolated, and then was afraid when I did finally make friends that they'd leave me. So. There's always an element with Matt that's like, 'ah I get it', this sense of resonation. I feel like that natural click with Matt really helped me when writing him, cause... been there, get the motivation, also dude needs to cry more and let that stress out, trust me.

This sounds weird but me and my sis love to break characters down, rip them apart to examine their insides. We love our favorite characters and talking about all their wholesome or badass elements, but we also gd love and have fun dissecting flaws, fuckups, the shadow self, character trauma, are they the asshole, is EVERYONE the asshole, what does this mean when he did this or that. The whole Pasta clan is immersed in that - Dad was a theatre major so got a lot of practice, Mom's loved lit forever, and we all have this tendency, so I got very comfortable very early with taking characters apart in a really honest way to figure out how and why they tick and what the writer/actor is trying to tell you. And since we've all seen Daredevil, and dad has also read a lot of the earlier comics, we've all more than once metaphorically laid Matt out on the table like a frog and dissected his character. I feel like having someone who's not only willing to talk about these layers with you, but also comfortable enough with you to kinda push back and go 'Or what if he was doing it because of this' or 'Ok yeah you love him but he was actually being the asshole here because *valid reason*' is important. Get you some allies who love to know why characters tick!

So basically lots of reading, really enjoying picking characters apart with fam, and familiarity, all mixed up in a bucket of 'Ooooh poor thing, I've been there and that was not fun. You really need therapy and maybe some antidepressants.'

[feelingpure]

Fellow Travelers | The Orange Elephant in the Room

Alright, let's talk about it.

For those who've watched the available episodes of FT so far; I'm sure we've all noticed the citrus haze they all seem to be living in.

Especially if you've attempted to edit/GIF any portion of it. The struggle is real and I'm sure has inspired many colouring dilemmas.

And we're all asking "WHY?!".

Now, I'm writing this having not looked up anything about it. So I dunno if anyone responsible has made a formal confession.

One of my initial thoughts around it was; okay... so is this just a 1950s thing? But after watching (and rewatching) episode 2, I feel like it's part of the story in a different way; It's clearly a stylistic choice, yes (I should hope that doesn't just happen by accident). But it also seems to double as a narrative choice.

Putting the rest, with image examples, under a cut because it's kinda long.

Warm vs Cool

The conclusion I've come to is pretty simply, one that we've seen used across media in a lot of movies and shows. Warm tones used to colour scenes that are meant to literally be 'warm'; a loving environment or somewhere where the character(s) feel like they can be themselves. Cool tones used for scenes where it's quite the opposite; a cold hostile environment where the character(s) does not feel welcome. Gradients in between for all the neutral/'greyarea' spaces.

Consider

Cool/neutral outdoor bench scene (with park spies around):

Maybe it's an indoor/outdoor thing? No...

Indoors (even with the mandatory orange lamps nearby) they stay pretty neutral:

Night time/day time thing? No...

Night time vs day time in Tim's apartment:

Compare it to day time neutral alone Tim in the same room before. The difference is that he's with Hawk, out of sight of any would be naysayers.

So yeah, while I am mad about the colouring for giffing needs, I do think what they're doing is pretty neat, and the POC in the show look glorious in the warm tones.

The warm/cool motif is dialled up even more in episode 2, with the contrast of Mary's warm welcoming party and Hawk's cold af family gathering (even though they still have the orange lamps/sconces around, they add nothing to the warmth):

🥺 Ugh, Tim at Mary's party. Might be my favourite part of the episode, alongside the kissing n spooning. Anyway...

The transition of Mary from the same living room where she hosted that party, to the kitchen they were just questioned in:

That transition made me start paying more attention and go back to rewatch previous scenes just for colour themes.

Interestingly Hawk's apartment seems to live in this neutral/warmish space. It was more warm earlier in the episode, especially when they were in the bedroom the morning Tim left his glasses. But in general it's a lot less warm than Tim's apartment when compared; still their skin glows with a hint of tangerine:

Of course, not only the lighting/colouring but their outfit choices say a lot. Tim is usually in the warm browns with his dress, while Hawk pretty much sticks to black, white, grey (hints of a cool toned blues and reds in his ties). This coupled with the differences in their own living space probably reflects a lot about the character and how 'welcoming' they are to others. Idk... or I could just be thinking too much about it.

This is another really interesting transition in episode 2. As Hawk hangs up the phone in that cool toned side room, opens the door to the main room of a gay bar, the warm tones literally seem to absorb him in. Which makes sense, this is obviously a gay friendly place in San Francisco. He doesn't have to try to hide any part of himself, like he probably was still trying to do on that voicemail to Lucy just before.

Now, I could go through and screenshot a load more examples (some scenes with Lucy are interesting, and that lounge/club), but you probably get the gist, you see the pattern. If not before, on your next watch, you'll certainly see it.

This has got longer than intended; I'd be surprised if anyone got this far, I did NOT fully organise my thoughts before I started this, I just began rambling and I feel like it could've been more organised and laid out better. But if you have thoughts about the colouring, I'd really like to see those too. 🤗

[dyke-will-graham]

Just mustered up the courage to rewatch episode 6 of Good Omens 2 and I have a whole new slew of thoughts. Whole new slew of observations.

One:

Metatron orders an oat milk latte with almond milk. Which, is a pretty specific drink for someone who is just ordering a coffee Aziraphale. So I got to thinking, and I went digging.

Biblically and spiritually Oats were thought to represent feelings of safety, enhancing an individuals feelings of comfort and safety in dire situations. A comfort food.

On the other hand, almonds represent purity and the ability to have be more godly and holy. To make more godly decisions or, in this instance, heavens decisions.

Metatron is no fool, he knew exactly what he was doing. Stating earlier in the shop when Nina said no one picked death responding with “I don’t suppose they do, so predictable.” And later on when he offers Aziraphale the drink commenting “oh yes I better think so.” When Aziraphale comments on its lovely flavor.

If Aziraphale is anything, it’s gluttonous. He enjoys food and drink and good company and comfort from things he takes pleasures in. So of course Metatron’s olive branch from heaven would come in the form of a cup of coffee.

Two:

“I’ve consumed a few things in my time.”

This is such a strange line to me, it felt too on the nose and sinister. Metatron stares at Aziraphale drinking the coffee and says this. And I don’t think for a moment he is referring to food. Being the voice of god, I’m sure he has dealt with a great deal many angels and demons. Probably without any parties aware of it, maybe even the almighty herself being unaware.

Three:

When The Breakup happens and Metatron walks into the bookshop he says :

“He always did like going his own way, asking all those questions.” When referring to Crowley.

This is SUPER DUPER interesting to me because it implies, really, Crowley’s only crime against heaven was asking questions. Which we knew to an extent form Crowleys own claims on the matter but for it to be confirmed this way felt gut wrenching. Crowley is and never has been evil or demonic. He was curious and that was punishable in heavens eyes to be cast down.

Four:

When Metatron and Aziraphale are leaving there are so so so many times Aziraphale looks for a way out. Broken sentences, body language facing away and out towards Crowley. His glances always in Crowleys direction, like a child being pulled in two directions and unable to voice properly what they want. Which is exactly what the situation is, isn’t it?

I think, as a fandom, we sort of glossed over the trauma Aziraphale endures as a being who remains to be an angel. Heaven, his home, a toxic parent beckoning you with the promise of a warm hug after a millennia of beatings. But nevertheless the promise of that warmth is so tempting. And we know, Aziraphale is STARVING. Starving for anything, he always has been. Especially acceptance from Heaven.

And Crowley represents everything he ever wanted, unconditional and without hesitation. But, there’s still a sense of fear within Aziraphale regarding his love for Crowley. A guilt, and the high he was feelings from seeing Beezlebub and Gabriel do what he always wanted wore off horribly fast at the prospect of eliminating that guilt by restoring Crowleys angelic grace. Which is something we all know was a lie.

Five:

I don’t think the coffee had any sort of mind control anything within it. Metatron didn’t need to do that. He just needed to show what the coffee represented. It was quite simple of a task, so the Coffee Theory is out.

Six:

The elevator fade out is SO IMPORTANT. Because Crowleys expression doesn’t change, he’s hit rock bottom he’s alone with no amount of fresh information to tell him otherwise. For all he knows life as it’s been for all these 6000 years is over.

But Aziraphale’s does, quite a lot actually. It goes from shock, to stoic determination to straight up smirking. We know, from all we have seen of him that at his core Aziraphales motives lie in love and the desire to look after Earth and people. He is a being driven by what angels are supposed to be driven by. That’s his crime, that’s why Metatron had to get him away from Earth. But at the prospect of the Second Coming, Aziraphales motives suddenly become quite evident. He spared a glance at Crowley, which is pivotal to the moment. It’s saying so much. If he had meant to just go to Heaven and never return why look at Crowley? It’s like a romance scene, breakup in the rain with the question: which one of us has the courage to turn around? Crowley never looked away, Aziraphale spared that glance.

Stopping the end is he and Crowleys jobs, the protect humanity, they have their own rules. Aziraphale knows that, he trusts that ability. But he knows he can’t do that if he doesn’t go along with whatever is happening in Heaven. The best way for him to figure out how to stop this is to go into the belly of it.

That brings me back to this line:

“Oh, but saving me makes him so happy.”

Aziraphale has a plan, like always does, and this time it won’t be Crowley saving him. But him saving Crowley.

That glance was a promise.

THE END THANKS FOR MY RANT ALMOST THREE MONTHS POST BOOKSHOP DIVORCE.

[thelyingjoke]

what are your thoughts on pregame kokichi?

this took a long time to answer sorry!!! i start getting Busy around this time (school my nemesis.......) but this ask is interesting enough that i can use my remaining free time to answer it! thank you!!!!!!

now a thing like this is something i personally can have a bit of trouble with—that is, making up a personality for a character that doesn't have one. when i have something to go off of in canon i can run with it all day and come up with so many things...but i need that little prompt to start with, and if there's nothing, i can't really think of anything. so for a Longgggggg while i've kept my hands mostly Away from the pregame characters, since most of them have so little about them i just couldn't think of anything that would satisfy me. but more recently, maybe like. a few months after i rewatched v3 last year, i started to think about them a little more...and now i think i can answer this question kind of!!!

pregame kokichi is a hard one considering he's one of the many that has like. 1-2 lines that don't say much at all about his character. like the most he has is this

and really Nothing Else of note. but after thinking on it it says A Lot.

already you get from it a guy who is Helpful and looks out for others, even in a situation where it might be dangerous! both caring and also maybe does not have a good sense of self-preservation...but not like, nervous or cowering at all. so, that's a start!!! though there's also a bit i wanna get into in order to elaborate more on what else i think about him (i anticipate this will get Long so. i will put the cut here)

yeah anyway the thing that made me Really start thinking about the pregame characters was the full realization of kaede and shuichi being like...basically the same, just kaede being a little more snappy. and i mean, i knew this the whole time, but i never put too much thought into it because like—yeah they're still the same guys that makes sense. (and i was in major denial about the ending at first haha)

but actually thinking about it it kinda intrigued me. of course they'd be like that. sure they were given different memories, but there's only so much that that can really change about a person, you know? like...there's the assumption i'd have had that they directly tweaked the personality alongside the memories, but honestly i don't think they did. i mean, of course, the memories do influence the personalities—some more than others—but that's as much as i'd imagine they'd have done in terms of personality-changing. they didn't do it directly.

it's like nature vs nurture, kind of. your memories make up a large portion of who you are and how you act, but they're not everything. there are certain things that are just inherent to certain people. two different people given the exact same memories would likely act similar, but ultimately there would be differences, because they're two separate, unique people, with their own quirks and preferences.

and for how the characters were made, i do believe that their backstories and intended personalities were based on their original personalities (whether you believe tsumugi was lying about the audition videos, and i do lean towards her lying, i don't quite think she was lying about getting a flash of inspiration from shuichi's nervousness, that part makes sense to me). kaede is just pregame kaede without the cynicism—because she's given a happier life prior to everything. i think parts of them leak in throughout the game that were not necessarily intended by tsumugi...just because those traits are part of Who They Are, and the memories can't change that. these might be obvious thoughts to have but i felt like talking about them haha

it's hard to say what those traits might be, since we see so little of them, and we don't know what exactly tsumugi would have intended, but you could perhaps guess...maybe kaede's temper? and well. i was going to have a ramble about my ch1 murder theories but i was having trouble wording it and realized that was Really off topic so i will move on

ANYWAY the reason i think this all has to do with kokichi: his pregame personality likely inspired some of ingame personality, so my thoughts on what parts...i think perhaps his Playfulness. i mean, a guy with a hairstyle like That has gotta be down for all kinds of fun and games. so i guess i see him as a playful little guy who wants to help others and maybe doesn't have the best survival instincts/views of self-importance...........

(sorrySorry i just recently read a 5 year old dr/woy crossover fic with kokichi and i haven't been normal since. it was so ridiculous too bad the author orphaned it they were kinda cooking...kokichi and wander are similar you're so right...wish i could talk to them about it SORRY I'LL GET BACK ON TOPIC!!!!!)

in all Seriousness though. i think that that small line has such a big influence on how he acts ingame. of course he's not nearly as willing to throw himself into danger for the others' sake...but i think that Care, that Desire to Help them still lingers, just under whatever backstory gave him those trust issues so he's not as Open about it. and the self-sacrificial nature i Mean...chapter 5. and it's how he kind of 'breaks character'. if you get me? i'm not sure if i'm explaining right...doesn't help i have to do it in increments between Other Things haha

i don't really know if i have an overall point to this but Yeah that's how i see pregame kokichi. i don't have much other thoughts though :( Do you want me to check on what's happening is all i really have to work with...i've seen people talk about him being a student council president and i like that thought. but nothing too concrete, pregame kokichi enjoyers tell me what you think about him i would love to hear what you have because i. do not have much! everyday crying at the lack of information so many things have