#i need to remind myself im doing this for myself
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the election results have me feeling really bummed out as a closeted/pre-everything transmasc person. i feel like im grieving a version of myself that will never get to exist because im too scared
hey it's okay to feel this way, i'm sorry you're so scared right now
something i'd like everyone to keep in mind is that it's literally impossible for trump to change everything overnight. i hate our government but it has to fight with itself in order to function. individual states in the country are proposing some very questionable and unsafe bills, but it's not a reason to give up hope. there will always be states in our country like California who have and maintain strong enough trans protection laws that people will still have somewhere to go
change when it comes to government is gradual. it doesn't happen over night. that's how transphobes and republicans want you to feeel. they want you to give up, to become defeated and to never, ever try to transition. youre not wrong for feeling bummed, but do not give up on your transition because of them. that's what they want. fight like hell for your future. fight like hell for your comfort and identity
if anything now is the best time to get started. trump literally cannot do anything until January. and even then that's the motion of attempting to put bills and laws into action. attempting. there's no guarantee anything will be passed. reminder that we lived thru 4 years of trump before and barely anything happened. republicans are not as scary as we think they are. trump is a fascist yes but he can only do so much when it comes to bickering with the rest of the government
government moves slowly. change happens gradually. if you need help relocating to a safer place, feel free to ask. pursue transition now if you have the ability to. don't let some fascists get into your head and make you think it will literally be impossible. i promise it won't. they want you to get scared and feel like they're so powerful you can't do anything. fortunately the're not. you don't have to give up on your future. you don't have to give up on transition
take care of yourself, okay? it's okay to feel bummed but don't let them get too deep into your head. thats exactly what they want. they want all the trannies to detransition, go back into the closet, or never transition. and it's okay if people do this. but this is what they want. im going to continue being shamelessly trans. im going to continue being a tranny who looks acts and sounds queer. i know not every queer can do this. i know not every trans preson has that luxury
if you genuinely can't medically or socially transition it's alright. a lot of people just can't. it genuinely is very unsafe for many people. but i just want to stress that things will not become 1000x worse over night. you still have a chance. and there are people fighting for your right to transition right now. we will continue to fight harder. defeat is not an option- we will not let it be.
good luck, i hope you're able to feel better soon. take care of youreslf, no matter what you choose it's okay. but remember that change happens gradually. we will adapt
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I. I. IM. I. HELLO?????????? HELLO. EXCUSE ME. HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. (<- POSITIVE)
oh yeah addendum to my tags in that poll, it makes more sense if i put it this way : he'd run that shit like the navy at FIRST, and be super wound up about keeping everything in check, but as his sanity starts slipping his plans do as well. you know when a deadline gets closer and closer and you start frantically using whatever the first thing you think of is, and then in hindsight youre like "why did i make that decision??" thats what i feel like it is. like... panic/anxiety clouds the mind and makes you do stupid things. same thing with overconfidence. euphoria. lust. desperation. et cetera. decisions made in a short time limit/relying on instinct and feeling are often not the best
#guh. ghouhh. VISCERAL REACTION FROM ME I ACCIDENTALLY CHOKED ON MY SPIT GOD SAVE ME#PACES IN CIRCLES. JUST GIVE ME A SECOND TO PROCESS THE HORRORS I JUST WENT THROUGH#I DONT WANNA SOUND LIKE IM EXAGGERATING OR BEING DRAMATIC BUT HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT.#GENUINELY GENUINELY ABSOLUTELY CHILLING (<- PUN UNINTENDED AND FRANKLY SHAMEFULLY MADE)#prev ->#Also sorry if this is grim kjsjjd hopefully it’s not too bad#<- end prev#I MEAN. THATS HOW INTERACTIONS WITH THE DEMON ARE I DONT THINK ITS OVERKILL#AND ANYWAYS GOD. GOD. ITS SO.#okay im trying to contain my excitement right now (despite what it seems) but man. dude. holy fuck.#i WOULD spend my entire time talking about how this is so well written and cool but also i need to restrain myself JSNXJSXN#“im trying to have a conversation with my friends” <- implication that the lion is intruding on chils subconscious there? at least i think#actually that makes a lot of sense considering laios' first meeting with the lion is his dream#also honestly how dare you (positive) include laios trying to touch his shoulder oh my god. lies on the floor.#it doesnt work... not this time... its too late...#bangs my head against a wall. IM SORRY IM JUST GONNA START YAPPING FOR 40 PAGES LIKE I USUALLY DO ON UR POSTS BUT LIKE#“you were never listening to me you were just granting subconcious desires indiscriminately” AGH man. reminds me of how someone pointed out#how the succubi likely take advantage of desires you dont want to confront...#the feeling the lion got rid of... shame? guilt? remorse? absolutely JARRING how empty it leaves him. like... that was the last thing#holding together his sanity. his ability to feel regret#also. yknow. extremely visceral the way the party all reach for the place the demon fed on him from. its well intentioned but god it really#feels like an invasion#NOT TO DODGE AROUND THE ACTUAL EATING SCENE BY THE WAY. ITS JUST SO. SO. THAT I. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT THAT WOULDNT BE#WAY TOO PERSONAL IS ALL.#man. MAN#anyways last note. “overindulgence would just cause me more trouble in the long run” AGHHH AGHHHH I LOVE YOU. PARALLELS BETWEEN THE LION AN#THE CHARACTERS. GOD. KEELS OVER. CURLS UP ON THE FLOOR.#except the demon has all the power here it can manipulate most of whatever variables it wants to without consequence#AGAIN I DONT WANNA SOUND OVER-FLATTERING IM JUST GENUINELY. look ok like i said. restraining rn despite what it looks like. this is so cool#guhhh grrrghughurrg eats my hand.
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i want to just stay safe and fed and comfortable and happy forever with my friends but i need to remind myself that if i spend more time here without any independence or way to get around without getting run over or t-boned, too much shame and not enough motivation to do anything other than stay indoors and make art, and a state that is throwing its education system into the gutter and getting hotter and more unbearable by the day, i will rot
#txt#i need to remind myself im doing this for myself#the town im going to have things and people that make me happy too and ill find future friends ill start to miss when i visit home#i need. to remind myself#i move out this friday#i want to scream#vent
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playing around w slightly different hair renders
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiita#yuuji#megumi#cries megumi fought tooth n nail..... i refused 2 flip the canvas tho >:(#i vastly prefer drawing him facing right bc fr some reason it makes his hair look better silhouette-wise#so having him face left is alr a Challenge#but also having him slightly look down (difficult angle + changes the silhouette) had me bashing my head in2 th TABLE#same thing happened earlier this month w gardening megu middle pose . i did not learn my lesson#but even worse w this one yuuji's head is blocking th main pointy part tht basically carries the entirety of the shape language#u can imagine my distress i am sure#anyway th render made me a lot happier with it thank god. colours hard carry bless <3333#i didn't plan on making it a full sheet but i needed 2 remind myself that im good at drawing megumi#so i threw in solos of each of them n tried slightly different render flavours#idk how Different all of them look visually but th process fr each ws Very different so i am satisfied#fight aside this ws useful i think! got 2 break out some Clunkier chalks n dust off a few of my smoother blended brushes#think i picked up some things i can keep also !! which ws. u kno. the Goal#tbh every time i do art studies i feel like i am kirby#one time i got called an art ditto by one of my fav artist mutuals when i did a style challenge#SUCH high praise from her it lives in my mind i take it out on days when i feel like trash#it doesnt Sound good when u say u r good at copying but real talk it is such a good skill i am very happy 2 have it in my arsenal
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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me: i should work on my mini-comic
also me: have you considered tim in seifuku? tim in GAKURAN?
#he's got the range#sart#i keep telling myself im gonna do quick outfit doodles and then i get Invested#keychain boy#<- need a tag for tim art i dont want in the main tag#i'll go back eventually and retag the rest#caught up with uruwashi no yoi no tsuki and yoi-chan's hair reminds me of how i draw tim SO
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the baby hawke btw if you even care
#carver hawke#dragon age#dragon age 2#da2#maybe u will do better than ur sister agghh. wasnt gonna post this but i need my babbu on the blawg#might render some other time .i had to physically stop n remind myself im allowed to just post shitty doodles#art tag
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In singular deranged days work (where I was supposed to be getting OTHER things done) I made a cipher journal for decoding the ciphers in Gravity Falls, specifically for Journal 3, the Book of Bill and thisisnotawebsite.com. This included (ultimately) three pages of common ciphers used in the Gravity Falls fandom; originally I was only going to do two, but then got to the Blendin page in Journal 3, sighed deeply and made an extra page on the Vignére cipher. The clasps I made myself by hand, and the little white toggle is a raccoon tooth, which I may change out depending on what becomes available. The purple ink, although unable to be seen within the photos, actually glitters and looks rather cosmic to my delight.
Considering I made the most of it within a day, it meant I used the paper I had at hand, which wasn't good paper for actual ink as it bleeds through slightly (and is thus unbecoming), but as a fancy schm-ancy idiot who insists on using actual ink with dip pens for the 'breadth of the experience', this means I'm ultimately only using one side of the paper (to my chagrin) and the letters aren't as clear as they could be when I write on the paper. Nevertheless, I am rather happy about the result; young me from about a decade ago, who began to make a similar journal only to abandon the project would have been immensely excited that I actually made one and am currently using it to decipher things within Journal 3. There is something rather satisfying about it, I do confess.
#rose serpent press#gravity falls#journal 3#the book of bill#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#ciphers#bookbinding#jesus why is blendins letter so fucking long and a vignere cipher like i get it but yeesh#also yes im aware if i Google i would get all the things deciphered. but where the ENJOYMENT IN THAT HUH???#also immensely delighted to be able to do pull out pages for the cipher pages fuck YEAH tactile gorgeous AND useful#was i obsessed with the description of the Book Dragon Riders map by cornelia funke? yes and what about it. i still LOVE the concept#after i added the vignere cipher page i wasnt gonna reshoot the book so theres no second ribbon horizontally. so u just gotta imagine it#btw i mixed the colours myself for the colour cipher. in watercolour. because i like to torment myself#which reminds me i do need to finish whitening the raccoon skull that hangs out under my desk. like its been there for ages.
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they always just carryin him around like a bag of apples
(X-Men #19)
#xmen#xmen comics#charles xavier#professor x#and like. everyone else too ig vJARLEKJAKL#hi scott. hank. bobby. warren. ily#jean's too busy being kidnapped rn she cant join roll call </3#snap scans#its not even my scan but thats jsut gonna be my panel-posting tag ig#anyway. charles being carried >>>>#i always like it when they carry him .. idk why .. its just a nice detail ig#he gets carried around more by mimic in this issue but i like this panel the most#i was rereading old issues today just cause i felt like it hi. also cause i needed to remind myself of stuff for a joke im drawing#aka that wip i posted earlier. all will make sense in time As I Said In That Post jvawvLKAJvl#ok thats all i just needed to charles post cause i got stuff to do tonight so i cant draw him </3#tomorrow tho ... i will find time ...
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ADHD is needing to write stuff down because you forget things and then forgetting to write it down
#like i'll tell myself that i need to set a reminder#but im busy so i'll just do it later#and then it never happens#adhd problems#actually adhd#adhd#adhd things#neurodiversity#neurodivergent
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need more chaggie wing fics where charlie is just absolutely obsessed w vaggie's wings like look at her face
she's obsessed and with good reason too
#chaggie#hazbin hotel#vaggie#charlie morningstar#do i need to cook my own food#please im just a struggling uni student#feed me before im forced to feed myself#okay but imagine charlie just absolutely mooning over vaggie's wings and vaggie is just embarrassed as hell#like charlie i appreciate this attention and i love you but what are you doing they're just wings#omg and the angst potential of vaggie just hiding her wings 24/7 bc they remind her of her dark exterminator past#but then she gets wing pains and cramps#and charlie finds out and then helps her preen but her heart is absolutely breaking for vaggie bc vaggie shouldn't need to hide this#ugh the endless potential for angst and hurt comfort#this is a need not a want#hazbin vaggie#hazbin charlie
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the clock is here. all hail.
i forgot to turn antialiasing to the right settings with my pen so it is. the little numbers are chunky. thats life sometimes. just dont zoom in too hard. if i fix it, i wont make a new post abt it ill just edit it on to this one or something [and state that i did so in the post]
prev post with noclock version
and as promised here is also progress pics, harvested from when i sent screenshots to friends as i worked. as a bonus ive also included various layer names and the 5 different names the file went thru. the parts i [very lazily] painted over with dark blue had not been done yet, ergo anything with dark blue over it is just the picture itself so do not regard it
i will now be nice to myself and work on my fanfic and smaller drawings for a while. i will do eye posts sometimes still when i get a slow day and wanna do some peepers for 3 hours, i have collected many eyes [klinger, fr mulcahy, trapper, margaret, charles, hawkeye, bj. ive been busy stealing eyeballs to paint on. theyre all on one document its pretty funny]. i will be doing my best to force the cast into my style so i can do quick stuff.
i also WILL do more paintings of full shots again, but. fellas. ive done 3 back to back full paintings with no other digital art projects in between.
this has been NOT good planning lol
not sure if i should tag everything again so i will just. do so? idk i have not been on tumblr hardcore since like 2018 and have never regularly posted so idk proper etiquette. im gonna leave off characters for this one ig
#mash#mash 4077#mash fanart#mash art#its me im back and i will now go to the countryside for my health for 5 months#nah but really my wrist is fine#i just strained it a lot from doing Too Much Art where my pressure needed to change and then the Hair twice and yeah#now i will go to bed at a reasonable time! [lie]#i forgot how much fun i had writing. rip#also when i decide to pick a big piece again im again welcome to suggestions#i prefer big emotions in the scene or specifically artistic shots#because certain ones can be funny or something but. i gotta stare at that for 20-30 hours#god this one was the worst because the lighting was so good. like u could SEE things#so i couldnt just 'teehee its all hidden' no you can see 100% of them 100% of the time#.my art#sorry to take up the mash tags again. i feel bad esp since its not a HUGE huge huge fanbase so i am diluting the waters more or something#or! i am lying to myself. to shame myself. equally likely.#anyway shoutout to fr mulcahy for giving almost the exact same kind of energy as my grunkle from ireland#its part of the reason i love him so much as a character. reminds me of family lol
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This is time to be stronger.
#nct dream#lee jeno#jeno#nct#nctinc#nctzenart#*ambiv.art#itsnctsworld#useroro#meltracks#melontrack#hibiebear#raylook#megtag#<- literally only tagging meg bc it's a hockey concept#1.5 years late finally redrew this ! can u believe i've been meaning to since the day i posted the previous version#not sure if i need a new brush i am not completely satisfied with my current ones anymore :') but at least im getting stronger!!!#and faster!!! this one was ~2 hours :) i wasnt gonna draw tn but i had to do this to remind myself that#i do improve slowly over time.. and that i shouldnt colorpick my colors anymore 😩 and so today i finally didnt ! 😇 character growth
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528 days until spring 2026 and twp release 528 days until spring 2026 and twp release 528 days until spring 2026 and twp release 528 days until spring 2026 and twp release 528 days until spring 2026 and twp release 528 days until spring 2026 and twp release 528 days until spring 2026 and twp release
#sorry i just needed to remind myself what i’m doing this all for#but seriously the last few days were exhausting and i just keep on thinking#i have a job now#im earning my own money#and im saving for tlkof#it’s all gonna be okay#the last king of faerie#the wicked powers#tlkof#twp#tsc
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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i colored that
#because i don't wanna touch that detailed asf sevagoth portrait today#and i really need to do some coloring otherwise im just gonna. be afraid of that. forever#i can't get rhino's color palette right idk why#but i had a lot of fun drawing sevagoth#especially the gold part#tbh i just yoinked the gradient map from dante's portrait#actually i think i stole that from some metal rendering tutorial while i was rendering dante but it still works i guess#okay that's enough ramble. fuck i have to remind myself to stop#warframe#warframe rhino#warframe sevagoth#warframe sevagoth prime#my art
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