#and then it never happens
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ADHD is needing to write stuff down because you forget things and then forgetting to write it down
#like i'll tell myself that i need to set a reminder#but im busy so i'll just do it later#and then it never happens#adhd problems#actually adhd#adhd#adhd things#neurodiversity#neurodivergent
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one thing that fucks me up when i'm writing (or really want to write) is that i feel like i have to figure out the PERFECT place to start. like i have an idea and i like it and i want to start writing it. but i don't know where to start or even how to start it. so instead i waste days, weeks, or even MONTHS, trying to plan out and outline the perfect beginning and how everything connects. but the thing is... that doesn't actually get me anywhere. i just kind of sit there and overthink and waste time. planning is great and all, but don't let it turn into a whole project in itself. you're just gonna spin your wheels and not go anywhere.
#but yeah i have this idea and im like#ok now i have to figure out the PERFECT way to start this story#and then anything i think of isnt good enough#and im like surely if i give it more time itll just click and ill just KNOW itll be the one#and then it never happens#turns out you actually have to write and try stuff out#to see what works and what doesnt#instead of just spinning everything in your head forever
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"i dont Have to draw if i dont want to, its just a hobby" im chanting to myself as im trying not to feel guilty about not drawing even though i have the time
#and those asks are still rotting away in my askbox whoever sent it girl (gender neutral) im so sorry#its been month and i keep lying and saying im gonna do them after i finish this current thing im working on#and then it never happens#not really big news but im so unmotivated and tired lately#not to cry about this on main but damn
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Grabs you by the shoulders HUMMINGBIRD SALAMANDER BY JEFF VANDERMEER AND Y/N BY ESTHER YI ARE REALLY JUST THE SAME TYPE OF STORY IN DIFFERENT FONTS. THE RECKLESS AND RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF AN IDEAL, OF AN IDEA, OF A FRAGMENT OR A FIGMENT OF A PERSON WHO YOU SO EARNESTLY BELIEVE YOU KNOW. EVEN AS IT DESTROYS YOU. EVEN AS IT TEARS YOUR LIFE APART. AN ALMOST RELIGIOUS ZEAL FOR AN IDOL. THE SUDDEN DISAPPEARANCE OF THAT IDOL LEAVING MANY BROKEN OR OTHERWISE CHANGED IRREVERSIBLY. AN IMAGINATION OF AN IDYLLIC REALITY. UNRELIABILITY OF THOUGHT, OF MEMORY. A WOMAN REALIZING SHE NEVER LOVED THOSE WHO WERE CLOSE TO HER AS SOON AS SHE STARTS TO LOVE A CONCEPT. LOVING THE IDEA OF LOVING AN IDEA. DO YOU UNDERSTAND
#.txt#hummingbird salamander#guess i should come up with a tag for the esther yi book that doesn’t get mistaken for fanfiction writing#uhhhhhhh#maybe wse (why slash enn)#wse#anyways. drop suggestions for similar books if you have any#there’s something so mesmerizing about seeing a woman (or other protagonist) destroy themselves in pursuit of an idea that might not exist#wse to me is like a trainwreck in slow motion#it’s not horror (far from horror) but you feel dread building in you the whole time#you’re gripped in fear over Something happening#and then it never happens#our unnamed protagonist finds her idol and realizes he doesn’t compare to who she thought he was#it’s like watching a 20-car pileup play out in painstakingly slow motion and then suddenly resolve itself to a scratch#anticlimactic but weirdly cathartic nonetheless#‘jane’ acts similarly except she experiences real and active danger from people just like her#and she never meets silvina#only finds her body#i suppose moon might as well have been a body to the unnamed narrator#in fact he might have been more useful to her dead than alive#when he disappeared he might as well have died#just. god#those books did something to me#i need more books that will do something to me
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every time i say "i'll do it in the morning" i do not, in fact, do it in the morning, but i am so so tired that i keep on dozing off at my computer so i feel like at this point there's no chance of getting anything done right now
#curse me and my bad decision making#keep on thinking one day i'll get my shit together#and then it never happens
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i miss laying on the floor with my wife 💜
#(to-be)#i dunno why i've been twice as touch-starved lately#i don't get hugs very often cause i'm autistic in a way where i don't like surprise physical contact#but i been wanting them so bad lately aaa#i gotta initiate more usually i just think abt it and then go: ah but they're not in a good position to conduct a hug right now i'll wait.#and then it never happens#also my fiance just got some new piercings and i'm worried abt those#laying on the cold floor in a pile was the comfiest i've been in so long i want to go back there#i want. to cuddle. (possible symptom of sad and clingy disease that has been affecting me)
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i think im fine, but then i see Posts that make me Question Things and then i have a mini crisis in my brain for like 5 minutes. and then it happens again like a week later
#it's not meant in a negative connotation or a vent post btw#aka: 'wow this post abt adhd makes sense to me. a probably-not-neurotypical that doesnt know what's going on.' '...' '...i have research to#do don't i'#and then it never happens#rinse and repeat#i should bring it up to my therapist but i also. need to do the research and i keep Stalling and then i never do it and the cycle continues#rambles to the void#og posts
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shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king
#interestingly not the most harrowing thing that happened tonight no that was#getting recognized from a podcast. i hope that never happens to me again thats so fucking scary#fuck me and my wretched life why do i always end up exisiting in the public eye while detesting the consequences
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work all night on a drink of rum
daylight come and me wan go home
stack banana til the morning come
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
a beautiful bunch of ripe banana
daylight come and me wan go home
hide the deadly black tarantula
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
dayo
dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
#someone suggested i turn off reblogs. to that i say. i’m not a fucking quitter#esp when i get to see my husband dancing in my notifs every time this gets a note#since this reached 30k notes i wanted to say that people in the notes saying you shouldn’t feel safe around horses are right#story time :) when i was very little i got kicked in the face by a horse.#obviously this is very dangerous and i could have been concussed but there was no bleeding or bruising or no teeth knocked out#so my family didn’t believe me and even tried to convince me that it never happened at all. accused me of lying about it#it was specifically my grandma (who i realized much later in life was extremely emotionally abusive) who insisted i was lying.#but i remember it clearly. i know that it happened. i know that it struck my front teeth and knocked me to the ground#and i have never felt safe around horses since <3 or my family actually#ahem. i always felt safe around my grandparents. ‘‘not anymore’’ said knife grandma
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i don't think the theraprism is a good thing, guys
#gravity falls#the book of bill#bill cipher#comic#stump art#tbob spoilers#ford having a lovely cup of tea. thinking to himself. an angel has just sung something i believe#i shall close my eyes . and die now#< -- SAD . but it had to happen#everyone kiss your sad grandpa if you have one . you never know when bill cipher is going to blow his ass up
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you haven't seen your ex in years and you want to show him how over him you are, but oh no, he went from a nerdy out-of-his-depth twunk to action hero GILF (grunkle i'd like to *REDACTED*)
commission info here
#stanford pines#bill cipher#billford#gravity falls#ford pines#my art#my fanart#gravity falls spoilers#IMAGINE being bill#seeing ford when he just fell into the portal aka completely sleep deprived and way in over his head#next time you see him in the flesh 30 years happened (nothing to you) but he goes from that to an hypercompetent silver haired hottie#that has sworn revenge on you and made a weapon that can actually put an end to your immortal existence#i would never recover#rip bill but between world domination / destruction and FORD#i would choose ford#bill fumbled hard
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Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave
#the first time it happens he's just like oh whoops that'll be awkward#the second time: well that's not ideal#the third time: fucking hell why did i make a persona that cant keep it in his pants#Clark angsting about why his best friend doesn't trust him enough to tell him his secret identity:#:( why doesn't he trust me after all we've been through together#bruce: i have fucked too many people here including you and you can never know#batman#bruce wayne#dc comics#dc#mine
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"toxic yaoi" this "password" that
THIS being one of stan's lowest moments is the saddest thing i've seen and no one has talked about it what the freak :(
#the fact that he overheard them#he truly loves them#he probably still thinks of that moment and it keeps him up at night#and the twins never even knew#i wonder if he laments over what would have happened if they left#he probably thinks his worth is equivalent to the opinion of a magic 8 ball#HE HAD LITERALLY JUST MET THEM YET STILL CARED THEY PROBABLY REMINDED HIM OF HIM AND FORD OUUUUUUIIKHILGH#gravity falls#stan pines#the book of bill#bill cipher#billford#ford pines#pine twins#mystery shack
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Okkkkkk so where is Chicken Miku?
Anon the way i dropped everything when i saw this
HATSUNE BEAK-U
(based on the Onagadori chicken breed)
#makenna made a thing#hatsune miku#chicken miku#onagadori#the roosters are the ones with the tails but that just opens this up for even more possibilities#is she trans? is she assigned hen at birth but went through spontaneous sex reversal like can happen to poultry if a hens ovary goes wonky?#it's up to you follow your heart miku can be anything#chickens#tiny fluffy dinosaurs#the BEST animals#artists on tumblr#birdblr#chickenblr#birds#this breed doesn't typically have this comb type but shhhh#vocaloid#yes i WILL chickenify your fictional celebrities!!#anon#ngl this was actually a really good character design exercise lol#does she dye her feathers? she'll never tell this is anime logic
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once I stop being scared of everything it's over for everyone
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ahhh my metroid dna is acting up ahhhh it’s making me want to kiss girls
#it was not happening irl samus would never be able to get a bad bitch ever#loneart#metroid#samus aran
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