#and then it never happens
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ADHD is needing to write stuff down because you forget things and then forgetting to write it down
#like i'll tell myself that i need to set a reminder#but im busy so i'll just do it later#and then it never happens#adhd problems#actually adhd#adhd#adhd things#neurodiversity#neurodivergent
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one thing that fucks me up when i'm writing (or really want to write) is that i feel like i have to figure out the PERFECT place to start. like i have an idea and i like it and i want to start writing it. but i don't know where to start or even how to start it. so instead i waste days, weeks, or even MONTHS, trying to plan out and outline the perfect beginning and how everything connects. but the thing is... that doesn't actually get me anywhere. i just kind of sit there and overthink and waste time. planning is great and all, but don't let it turn into a whole project in itself. you're just gonna spin your wheels and not go anywhere.
#but yeah i have this idea and im like#ok now i have to figure out the PERFECT way to start this story#and then anything i think of isnt good enough#and im like surely if i give it more time itll just click and ill just KNOW itll be the one#and then it never happens#turns out you actually have to write and try stuff out#to see what works and what doesnt#instead of just spinning everything in your head forever
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"i dont Have to draw if i dont want to, its just a hobby" im chanting to myself as im trying not to feel guilty about not drawing even though i have the time
#and those asks are still rotting away in my askbox whoever sent it girl (gender neutral) im so sorry#its been month and i keep lying and saying im gonna do them after i finish this current thing im working on#and then it never happens#not really big news but im so unmotivated and tired lately#not to cry about this on main but damn
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Grabs you by the shoulders HUMMINGBIRD SALAMANDER BY JEFF VANDERMEER AND Y/N BY ESTHER YI ARE REALLY JUST THE SAME TYPE OF STORY IN DIFFERENT FONTS. THE RECKLESS AND RELENTLESS PURSUIT OF AN IDEAL, OF AN IDEA, OF A FRAGMENT OR A FIGMENT OF A PERSON WHO YOU SO EARNESTLY BELIEVE YOU KNOW. EVEN AS IT DESTROYS YOU. EVEN AS IT TEARS YOUR LIFE APART. AN ALMOST RELIGIOUS ZEAL FOR AN IDOL. THE SUDDEN DISAPPEARANCE OF THAT IDOL LEAVING MANY BROKEN OR OTHERWISE CHANGED IRREVERSIBLY. AN IMAGINATION OF AN IDYLLIC REALITY. UNRELIABILITY OF THOUGHT, OF MEMORY. A WOMAN REALIZING SHE NEVER LOVED THOSE WHO WERE CLOSE TO HER AS SOON AS SHE STARTS TO LOVE A CONCEPT. LOVING THE IDEA OF LOVING AN IDEA. DO YOU UNDERSTAND
#.txt#hummingbird salamander#guess i should come up with a tag for the esther yi book that doesn’t get mistaken for fanfiction writing#uhhhhhhh#maybe wse (why slash enn)#wse#anyways. drop suggestions for similar books if you have any#there’s something so mesmerizing about seeing a woman (or other protagonist) destroy themselves in pursuit of an idea that might not exist#wse to me is like a trainwreck in slow motion#it’s not horror (far from horror) but you feel dread building in you the whole time#you’re gripped in fear over Something happening#and then it never happens#our unnamed protagonist finds her idol and realizes he doesn’t compare to who she thought he was#it’s like watching a 20-car pileup play out in painstakingly slow motion and then suddenly resolve itself to a scratch#anticlimactic but weirdly cathartic nonetheless#‘jane’ acts similarly except she experiences real and active danger from people just like her#and she never meets silvina#only finds her body#i suppose moon might as well have been a body to the unnamed narrator#in fact he might have been more useful to her dead than alive#when he disappeared he might as well have died#just. god#those books did something to me#i need more books that will do something to me
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every time i say "i'll do it in the morning" i do not, in fact, do it in the morning, but i am so so tired that i keep on dozing off at my computer so i feel like at this point there's no chance of getting anything done right now
#curse me and my bad decision making#keep on thinking one day i'll get my shit together#and then it never happens
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i think im fine, but then i see Posts that make me Question Things and then i have a mini crisis in my brain for like 5 minutes. and then it happens again like a week later
#it's not meant in a negative connotation or a vent post btw#aka: 'wow this post abt adhd makes sense to me. a probably-not-neurotypical that doesnt know what's going on.' '...' '...i have research to#do don't i'#and then it never happens#rinse and repeat#i should bring it up to my therapist but i also. need to do the research and i keep Stalling and then i never do it and the cycle continues#🗣️ | chat#🎭 | og posts
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When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

#I don’t think xy OR z happened but damn if this isn’t compelling#‘he would never do that. next chapter’#also it’s good to look beyond our own perceived ideas of the narrative and be fascinated by others takes#I’m only reading fanfics from one fandom so#gravity falls#fiddauthor#fan fiction#ao3#old man yaoi#the office#dwight schrute#screencaps
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good thing from jp twitter this week is queen of old man yaoi michiru sonoo discovering the term old man yaoi





update: somehow it got impossibly more wholesome



quick translation: おかえり: welcome home あ 終わった 終わった: ahhh, it's over! it's done! コーヒー? お茶?: coffee? tea? コ~ヒ~ ありがと: coffee, thank you~ ネクタイレア★★ ネクタイ取るレア★★★★: seeing him with a tie on, rarity level ★★, seeing him take a tie off, rarity level ★★★★ にあうな~: it suits him~





also please do follow: AraigumaSha: sensei's twitter account marureviere: maru, who does such valuable work highlighting bl manga for an international audience
#'this is my old man yaoi masterpiece' <3333#soooooo cute she is SO excited and pleased about it and so giddily interacting with international fans about it#and marvelling to japanese fans like: did you guys know about this??? old man yaoi \o\ \o/#psttt michiru-sensei you want to do a severance doujinshi soooo bad. please.#meanwhile foul thing from jp twitter this week is the man boasting about how he made deepfake p*rn of his girlfriend's best friend#because he couldn't stop thinking about her#and also he thought he was being such a Good Boyfriend he actually told his girlfriend about it#and he was furious she was furious#he was like women........ i'm doing this for the good of our relationship but women never understand our (men's) sacrifices#you know all those doombait articles about how japan is going to go extinct#maybe that should happen.#anyway. let old man yaoi heal you until then.#michiru sonoo#manga#yaoi#twitter#old man yaoi#queer#gay#long post#lgbt#japan#japanese
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shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king
#interestingly not the most harrowing thing that happened tonight no that was#getting recognized from a podcast. i hope that never happens to me again thats so fucking scary#fuck me and my wretched life why do i always end up exisiting in the public eye while detesting the consequences
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unpopular opinion but i think a ship that's not canon but both halves are canonically insane about each other is infinitely better than a ship that's canon and boring
#like on 911 buck and eddie have never kissed and maybe never will but buck watched eddie get shot and eddie bled all over him#and then eddie listed buck as chris's guardian in his will in case anything ever happened to eddie. insane! compelling!#meanwhile on 911 lone star tarlos is canon and they are not insane about each other and that's why the ship is boring as fuck#on night court dan and harry never kissed but harry planned dan's funeral when dan was presumed dead bc dan made harry his next of kin#and that's way more interesting than any harry/christine kiss we got#i'm not saying you can't want your ship to fuck i just don't see why some people are like 'xyz ship HAS to fuck or what's the POINT'#the point is they're insane about each other. are you not entertained#personal
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the mutual aid los angeles network (malan) has put together a spreadsheet with valuable resources for people affected by the ongoing los angeles wildfires and wind storm. the sheet is constantly being updated with resources such as shelter info, animal boarding info, addresses for distribution centers, volunteer opportunities and so much more.
please share this spreadsheet widely
#los angeles#palisades fire#eaton fire#hurst fire#lidia fire#new fire just erupted in the Hollywood hills#my d*ds job burned down this morning my moms job is so close to one of the fires#i need to get back home#i see some ppl in the tags saying 'this happens every year' no this is on a completely different level#we are not in our fire season this is incredibly unprecedented and have never seen something like this#whole communities have been wiped out
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it wasn't actually as funny in my brain as I felt like it was so it had to become funnier through art
#art#my art#trans#transgender#idk bc i was thinking of the first half as some sort of media trope thing but maybe it's a real life thing? never happened to me so idk#comic#funny
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was it a good idea to bring wine in the lab
#a little tipsy#viktor will say he was drunk (he wasn’t)#they’ll pretend like it never happened#they’ll fail#jayvik#arcane#viktor#jayce talis#arcane 2#arcane fanart#jayvik fanart#lol fanart#league of legends#fanart#artists on tumblr#illustration#my art
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having good imagination is great until you imagine great things happening to you at an event/day/week/whatever and then absolutely nothing happens and you're left standing there with a heartbreaking disappointment with no one to blame but yourself
#I constantly fantasize about doing things or people telling me things#and then it never happens#because I put way too much expectation on people and moments#and it leaves me with a bitter taste#and disappointment
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double posting this comic bc tbh it deserves its own post.... thinking about how elphie was definitely crying after she runs off to hide somewhere following popular... what do the two of them think about afterwards....
#wicked#gelphie#character design#comic#thinking about how elphie ahs probably never been called beautiful by another human being before...#and that makes me want to pull my hair out#she's crying here because she's scared and in love#after glinda comes down from her popular high she does some of her own thinking.#like “why did i say that and actually mean all of it. what's happening to me”
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