#i need to relive it i need to remember the LORE

[cemetery-baccanal]

tokyo ghoul box set came in im not rereading them until i catch up on blue exorcist im not rereading them until i catch up on blue exorcist (manifesting)

[thedeskofaltoclef]

How I became The Desk of Alto Clef.

My response to a SCP Group designed around Hate and Bigotry who have targeted me and others in this community.

Nah, man, my daughter is dead.

It has been brought to my attention that there is a group of people on the internet who are fascinated with my fascination of Alto Clef and Meri. Hurtful and yet cute in a way so I think now I'll choose this time and these screen grabs from their discord to explain how I came to be 'The Desk of Alto Clef'.

My Daughter died six years ago and it sent me spiraling deep into the bottom of whatever bottle I could find.

I was completely prepared to take my own life and even had the things to 'finish the job' because my life had no meaning at that point. What was another statistic going to matter anyways, right?

It was in one of these dark, drunk moments with a gun when I fell across the Volgun's video on 'reality benders and you' and fell into a rabbit hole.

Drunkenly I fumbled around the wiki and learned more about this broken man known as Alto Clef.

A man whom I could relate to in my own way. A man who, no matter what he did, could never see his daughter as I will never be able to see mine. So thus, I became a very, very shitty cosplayer.

I like to believe that over the past four years my acting ability has increased to a sustainable level and as much as I joke about things I do try to stay humble about it. Though I like to think I've become better but I digress.

I love the lore of Clef and Meri, on or offsite, to the point that I am weird about it I know, but that's how I stay connected to my daughter. Writing the Deskverse is how I stay connected to my daughter.

I am also autistic which causes me to hyper fixate on Clef as a coping mechanism.

Because of this group of people I have greatly considered leaving the community and going back to my own personal solitude. Acting, Voice Acting, Cosplaying as Clef gave and still gives me something to live for again. I may not be this group's cup of tea but I do like to believe that I have helped others. My main goal has always been to uplift those who need uplifting. I do not want anyone to ever feel how I felt in my lowest and darkest moments.

The main story in the deskverse is about a father and a daughter torn apart by the actions of an abusive mother. My real life story.

I also have ZERO clue as to why I am being involved with misogyny or yuri things. If I have offended you in any way I do apologize.

I do not plan on posting the more 'suggestive' or 'lewd' responses they have made. Overly sexualized content does make me extremely uncomfortable.

This group of people have broken my heart into pieces. Seeing this list of images and names dragging me through the mud has already smashed my unstable self-esteem as it is.

At this time I do not plan on releasing any names associated with all of this because I am honestly tired of reliving the most horrid event of my life over and over because I, for whatever reason, do not fit what this group feels is acceptable of an actor/writer/fan.

I cannot say the same for the others in which they were assaulting.

In summary Alto Clef is an outlet for the pain I live with every day. I can never see, hold, hear, smell, or speak to my daughter. I have scars on my body from her mother that will never allow me to forget that life I had. I will always remember the taste of gunpowder but thankfully my drunk ass was too weak. If your going to be bad at something, be bad at that I suppose.

I will leave all of this with a final image from the copious list and the one that honestly hurts me the most. I am honestly a shy and reserved person and frankly it takes a lot for me to get out of my comfort zone. Not long ago I went to another SCP discord server because I wanted to meet new people and someone in there was awesome. I truly enjoyed my time with this person and just found them amazing. They were kind, open, willing to listen to my ideas, and gushed over Numberonedoggo. I thought I had finally made a new friend on my own. I was apparently wrong.

Art, from some of my favorite artists, was made for the sole reason of mocking me specifically. To laugh at me for finding joy in something that gives me purpose. Something I use to drive away the darkness.

No age, disorder, illness, or reason at all can be acceptable for anyone to act in this way. You are all a mockery of everything the SCP community should stand for.

-TheDesk

[seraphdesire]

Regarding Donna Beneviento and her characterisation in the fandom, I think it's important to note that she really isn't the shy awkward adorable blushing mess that everyone depicts her as being.

This got long but I did a mildly extensive read on her character under the break! :)

Here are the notes I took a screencap of, written by Mother Miranda, which talks about the suitability of Donna being a vessel for Eva:

There's the evidence you need that she is severely mentally ill, so babying her just feels... wrong anyway, all things considered.

Note - "and has divided her Cadou among her dolls in order to control them from a distance." While I'm on my 3rd replay of re8 I still don't fully get how the Cadou works, but what I think is essentially happening is Donna is literally splitting off parts of herself and putting them in her dolls.

The main one being Angie, of course.

I always used to consider Angie a separate character entirely but she's linked deeply to Donna on a very personal level. Considering what she's like and what all the other dolls are like - loud, funny, sarcastic, rude, etc - and how Donna is literally the one directly controlling Angie (that's the only way she moves lol, because Donna is carrying her places. Which is also why, when you kill Angie, the illusion melts away to reveal that you've actually killed Donna), I think it's safe to say that's what her actual personality is like.

Also, her only spoken line of dialogue? Please listen to it. For those who are hard of hearing, like me, she says: "don't leave... I can't let you."

Bearing in mind the way she speaks? Her tone? She sounds confident imo. Determined. And perhaps even a little angry at Ethan for thinking he can escape her.

Just a last addition as well, can I say that her abilities as one of the Four Lourds is genuinely evil? Everyone else has physical intimidation - Alcina has her height and her claws and mutation, Heisenberg has his ability to control magnetic fields and metal, and Moreau can mutate into that huge fish-with-legs thing that vomits something akin to acid? Oh yeah and he can swallow you whole too.

Donna, on the other hand, doesn't have physical intimidation like that. She only has the threat of psychological damage (which makes sense considering she's severely mentally unwell). When Ethan goes through her gardens and has to solve the puzzles in the house, she makes him hallucinate about his wife whom he thinks is dead, and about his baby who is somewhere in this unknown country with a bunch of mutants who only have bad intentions.

It's even worse in the Shadows of Rose DLC imo. As Rose, Donna makes her hallucinate the bullies from back home, being called a freak and a weirdo, made to relive the worst moments of her life. And the puzzles too? Hell. Having to actually recreate the scenes of her bullying with wooden fucking dolls. I remember feeling really sorry for Rose while playing through that part.

And yet Donna is still "the uwu baby" because what? I don't know. People love to declaw female villains just because they're attractive (looking at Lady Dimitrescu here). They love to reduce the characters down to their looks and not consider their actual lore or background or the role they play in the franchise (looking at Leon especially...)

Which, ya know, of course people are allowed their headcanons for characters and Donna doesn't get enough screentime to really have her personality even thought of, let alone to be made canon. But I think it's fair to say that Angie and Donna are basically one and the same because they're literally the same Cadou.

This is a quick reminder that you are, of course, allowed to disagree with me. Everyone has their own opinions and that's fine. If you would like to politely debate about this in my comments or in my DMs, or even in my asks, then you're more than welcome to! Please remember debating and arguing are two different things though.

If it really irks you that bad then please scroll, it's not hard. If you don't want to do that then feel free to block me - the button is free of charge after all and should be used more to cultivate your feed to your liking.

[thatfreshi]

Pitch Black (Astarion x Reader)

TW - panic attack, claustrophobia, themes of death/rotting

I based this off some sad lore I found out about him yesterday :(

Recommended Song: Rainy Day Loop - SALES

There's a lot of things Astarion hasn't told you. You don't mind, because a lot of those things are hard to relive. Everything he tells you comes with a price, but he does it mostly out of necessity. There are times you know something lies deeper, and yet you don't pry. It will come to light if he decides it needs to.

However, he never told you about one of the first truly cruel things Cazador did. How one day he refused him, told him no for once. He woke up buried six feet under, starving in undeath for an entire year until his master dug him up again. That was the last time he disobeyed.

This led to a fear he never told you about, claustrophobia, that terrifying feeling of being unable to escape small spaces. He doesn't like closets, this you knew, but you assumed it was because they're dark and sad, not because they're small rooms.

One morning you're sleeping, peaceful, arms wrapped around him tight. He wakes up before you, calm at first. When he realizes his discomfort at feeling trapped in your arms, he gently tries to move you off of him, but you grab back in your slumber, not knowing what's going on beyond the barrier of sleep. That first wave of panic sets in as you wrap yourself tighter than before, and he freezes up, remembering the smell of musty dirt and bones. He tries to scoot away, and you unknowingly pull him in again. That second time is enough for him to feel fully trapped, and without thinking he bites down hard on your arm.

"GODS!"

You bolt up out of your sleep, holding your arm, realizing it was Astarion who caused the sudden alarm. He sits at the edge of the bed, breathing heavily, still trying to ground himself. You try to ask him things, why the hell he'd do that to you, but he can't hear your questions. The worms, the beetles, at some point you become accustomed to the tiniest sounds. He wondered if they'd start to eat away at him, if vampires were like corpses, if he would slowly decompose in the ground. You go to touch his hand and he yanks it away, standing up.

"Astarion!"

And he finally turns to see you on the bed, your arm bleeding badly, how concerned you look. He can't speak though. Footsteps, people passing by, unable to scream because of how tightly packed the sediment is. You try anyways.

"Aster, listen to me. I need you to listen to me, okay?"

You're panicking. You haven't seen him this bad in a while. He's not there, at least not truly there. To be knocked out, only to wake up in pitch black, what a horror.

"I think you're having a panic attack my love, can you try to focus on one thing in the room?"

A painting, a landscape of a graveyard. He was put in a graveyard, some kind of cruel joke. His eyes wander to the frame, golden, like thread. He remembers stitching little phrases and stories into his clothes, he remembers the first time he did such a craft for you. The breathing starts to settle, still shaking, he sits back down next to you, and just starts sobbing. You go to hug him and he flinches.

"No!"

You are almost taken aback, but you remember that it's not your fault.

"Okay, that's okay. I'll just sit here with you."

He just cries for a while, and you let him. Clearly something startled him badly, badly enough that he bit you. You forgot until now that you were bleeding. Not only did his fangs pierce, but many of the rest of his teeth got through the skin. As you're analyzing your wound, you take part of the blanket and press it into your arm, trying to stop the bleeding. Astarion notices the movement, and you see guilt overcome his face immediately. You interrupt before he can speak.

"It's okay darling, I know you didn't mean it."

He wipes at his tears, finally coming back to reality, truly grounding himself.

"I... I'm sorry."

"I know, it's okay."

He stares at a crack in the floorboards.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He nods, mainly because he hates it when you're confused.

"So... a long time ago, Cazador decided it would be fun to bury me alive."

He almost laughs at how ridiculous it is, how someone could even think to do that. You just listen.

"And I stayed there for an entire year. And I don't know how it happened, but you tried to hug me tighter while you were asleep, and I- I just panicked, I felt so trapped and it just reminded me so much of-"

He can't even bring himself to say it again.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

He scoffs.

"Yeah, you were asleep, and I freaked out like a monster and bit you."

He gazes down at the wound, wincing at what he's done.

"Hey, look at me. Wounds heal, I'll be okay. What matters is that you're okay."

"I... I think I'm okay now. Just, feel miserable."

"That's okay, you're allowed to feel however you want."

"I know. Thank you my sweet."

He picks your hand up off the bed, holding it to his face. It takes weeks after for him to be hugged again, especially being the little spoon, but you don't mind. You'll go through every phase of his, good and bad. This one just happens to be bad, and that's okay. He'll be okay. You'll both be okay.

[yuri-is-online]

I'm the anon 🙋🏻‍♀️https://www.tumblr.com/yuri-is-online/746778432131694592/so-you-just-threw-this-beautiful-idea-of?source=share

The lore is very interesting! Angst my beloved. Thanks for the explanation 🐢♥️ Should've asked you much earlier.

One of the reasons why I like this AU is because it reminds me of my parents a little bit. I used to talk to my dad about anything and everything, he explained a lot of things about the world. I also love yapping to my mom when she comes back from work. She calls me a radio🥰

Just imagine it with Yutu! His most favourite person is right here! Sure, he has to watch what he says sometimes, but other than that now he gets to finally spend some time with the younger version of his parent 🥺 just sitting on some surface, talking about something, having the cleaning supplies shoved in the face, being forced to help with cleaning 🥺

Man, I have SO many questions. I'll ask them bit by bit to slowly make you brainrot as much as I do MUAHAHA😈

Oh your mother calling you radio is so cute (ㅠ﹏ㅠ) I also used to talk to my dad a lot about things, he had a very interesting life and I enjoy learning about different people. When those people are your parents it's especially interesting.

And head up high annon, your ask got a lot of people talking about Fyuuture kid AU, so even if you trickle in your asks I guarantee my brainrot is about to get so much worse (●´ω｀●)ゞ

Yutu was always curious about what Yuu's life was like when they were younger, but he never really expected to actually see it. It's hard sometimes, he has a whole set of shared memories that you don't have, if he wants to get technical they aren't even with you, he remembers a version of you and a life he is actively trying to prevent from existing.

But that doesn't change the familiarity, your habits and organization aren't much different than he remembers, you still make some of the same jokes. And when he accidentally cracks an old inside one of yours you still laugh, like some small part of you has an instinct that this is something that belongs to you too. What I think Yutu treasures most is just the ability to talk to you and get your advice on things again. He's always wanted to know what your opinion on Crewel's teaching was, what was your favorite class? Did it take you time to get used to cooking here, or did you just take all the new brands and prices in stride? Do you understand the rules of magishift? He never really got a handle on them, were you a part of any clubs? He wants the joy of being able to tell you about his day again and listen to you tell him he did a good job. And when he gets told to clean things he can't even bring himself to be mad. You forget all the little things you miss about a person when they're gone, not that Yutu missed chores or getting bossed around, but getting to see you look relived when he doesn't complain like Grim. Getting to hear you say "thank you" for his help, it means the whole world to him.

When he's forced to tell you who he is, when he sees you reach out and hold him, tell him you are proud of him and sorry he's suffered so much. He's going to break down, I don't think it really hits him how much he need to hear you say "I won't let anything happen to you ever again" until he does. It took time but you're together again, you can protect each other now ♡

also take a yutu coded song heheh

[idkplzhalp]

Hi guys, here's a long nerdy ramble about my Caroline Portal 2 x Miss Pauling TF2 au/headcanons because I've had thoughts about them for years and TF2 comic 7 awakened it in me again to expand on it further. (This is huge I'm so sorry but I gotta keep my title of biggest CaroPauling shipper and I need to spread my truths). I tried to jam as many facts/reasoning as I could into it because I am Portal lore queen and canon info is so important to me to incorporate.

To start this, both are a bit queercoded (GLaDOS subtext of liking Chell + Pauling lesbian confirmation/subtext) therefore it's nice because they absolutely would get along, relate to each other, and being established as queer makes them fit like puzzle pieces together in my head.

(^ I think Valve artists should keep drawing Caroline so I can continue editing their comic versions together, lol, this is all I got)

I think Pauling after comic 7 should go to work at Aperture Science (since presumably she drops the australium down a trench and is living her life, based on the turkey she sends for the Christmas party- shes made the choice to stop Admins cycle and not be cruel like her) and now lives with Caroline as they run Aperture together being sapphics in loveeee. Also we know Pauling is still unmarried then because she keeps the Ms. term instead of Mrs. on the little card from the turkey (also it's the same last name, obviously). Therefore. Cue Caroline entering the scene, because she's not married either (at least not to Cave).

They could've met during the time of TF2 in 1968 because of the Wheatley Ap-Sap, so maybe they met and got along and then Pauling later remembered Aperture after dumping the australium and was like "Hey this is close enough to working for the Administrator". Like maybe after dumping it, she was left wandering a bit trying to find a place to live and sees a billboard for Aperture which motivates her to go there. She could work as an assistant/bodyguard to Caroline, especially in Caroline's time as CEO, or be taught by her how to work in the lab.

When Cave dies, Pauling could be sad because she knows Caroline could've had similar attachments to him that Pauling did for Admin. So she's A) trying to comfort Caroline while she mourns and B) reliving her own grief from Admin. Maybe trying to convince Caroline to break her own cycle of how Aperture is run or work with her to stop GLaDOS..

If Caroline still gets uploaded to GLaDOS, then have Pauling either A) put in stasis and then later during the co-op tests where they free the humans, GLaDOS tests her and is like "WAIT my wife,,, a woman who wont kill me,, I want her" and now Pauling gets to hang out in GLaDOS' chamber while they test other people, B) keeps the australium to protect it and uses that to live forever alongside GLaDOS, or C) is uploaded into a core, it could be the core in The Lab core calibration game that's late and ran to get to the slingshot test since Pauling and that core share a voice actress (Ashly Burch)! It could be that she has less in-depth functions because we know when a person is uploaded to a smaller computer, they don't retain all their memories or full functionality unless they are then switched to a larger mainframe like GLaDOS/CaveDOS (ex: Cave in Aperture Desk Job, unless we want Lego Dimensions Cave core or Cave cube to count too, which contradicts this). So we could make things tragic and have Pauling not remember anything from her human life/GLaDOS could be unsatisfied because we know she more often has romantic feelings for humans (Chell or if including Lego Dimensions then Batman (from the Jonathan Coulton interview on the end song)) and they're now trying to fix it so they fit together again. Maybe GLaDOS gives Pauling GLaDOS' old mainframe seen in co-op mode.

Though Pauling would have to deal with the personality shift from Caroline to GLaDOS and maybe is scared of her because it reminds her of Admin, although GLaDOS wouldn't be as abusive to her and maybe it adds something because of how almost in love/obsessed Pauling was with Admin (trying to stay with her for so long/thinking Admin isn't that bad/trailing her no matter what). It could be complex because Pauling is fighting memories of past trauma with Admin while trying to maintain her relationship with GLaDOS. Maybe Pauling could bring out Caroline's personality more? Pauling is also a bit like Chell (ex: very determined fighter) therefore I'm just gonna say that's GLaDOS' type aha.

Back to the human versions now. Because Pauling got a first name reveal, Flo, we could have Caroline take on her last name, since we don't know Caroline's last name already. Lesbian marriage solving a name crisis 💀. Caroline Pauling doesn't sound that bad!

I think these two would just work really well together since they've had similar experiences and could support eachother/understand eachother like they haven't had before. To me they're both neurodivergant so I feel they could bond over their interests/teach eachother cool stuff. Like Caroline teaches Pauling science and Pauling teaches her about weaponry. Also they could do the activities that Pauling listed doing with friends "skating, look at gun catalogs". Because of that I used to headcanon that Pauling rollerskates and Caroline ice-skates so they do those together. Also Gargoyles and Gravel! They'd dress up as a wizard and witch together when playing or something haha. Also the assistants clipboard of the year conference Pauling goes to with Bidwell, she could go with Caroline and Greg and they all fight over office supplies as they should be. Maybe Caroline teaches Pauling how to bake!

I think working at Aperture, Caroline either wasn't able to defend herself verbally or wasn't listened to, not really being considered or appreciated by the other employees. She's considered modest so I think she was likely conditioned to not appreciate what she did. She's brilliant and incredibly intelligent but being a woman in that position during that time, she was probably ignored by anyone who wasn't Cave a lot. So I'd like to think if she wasn't being listened to and Cave wasn't around, Pauling could swoop in and tell those people off since she's really blunt and will tell things how it is (like in the tough break update when the guy flirted with her and she told him to leave because she was getting people killed for money), and is now a scary guard dog privilege to Caroline, even if Pauling is still a tiny anxious woman and Caroline can probably fend for herself lol.

Uhhhhh and heck, let's send Cave's other assistant Greg to go help Bidwell and Reddy in running Mann Co. That could be really funny to see, I feel they'd all get along. They're slightly more rational than Hale so I think it would be interesting to see what they do with this insane company!

Okay I'm done now, pls tag me in any CaroPauling posts you see because I'm saving them all to my phone to look at them lovingly, I have a collection lol <3.

[princessofgotham777]

Dating Jason Todd (Part Six)

fanfic type: angst, fluff, comfort (ongoing)

If you liked the Titans show but wish they handled Jason’s story line differently you might like this fic!

Hey so this is in fact my first time writing fanfiction (idk what my life has come to). Sorry if it’s cringy but also I would eat this up cause I LOVE some good angsty comfort fanfiction. I won’t write smut. I don’t think I’m gonna do requests but if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. Also of course I don’t own any DC characters this is purely fanfiction. Thank you and I hope you enjoy. (I hope you like run-on sentences💀) (if you don’t like it don’t be rude just move on dude😃🧍‍♀️)

So story line, this doesn’t really take place in any specific universe but I’m gonna be pulling concepts from Titans, The Batman, Arkham Knight, Under the Red Hood, and whatever lore I remember from the CW shows cause I grew up watching those, then just my imagination of course. Reader is referred to as she/her btw.

Warnings: talking about death, suicide, depression, torture (it’s not graphic I hate gore it’s just sad), talking about intimacy (not graphic), struggling with eating, topics of grief, PTSD, panic attacks, violence

Part Six: Remember Me, Remember Me

Jason coughed as blood dripped from his mouth. He was still tied to a chair sitting in a cell in Arkham asylum. Dick had searched every inch of Arkham; or he thought he did anyway. His legs had gone numb. He figured out the barbed wire was only able to cut through his Robin suit because the wire was coated with acid. He was starving and thirsty. He couldn’t even focus on the pain shooting through his body each time Joker hit him with the crowbar. All he could focus on was the glimmer of hope he had left that someone would come and rescue him.

“It seems your little girlfriend fell for my trick,” Joker says.

“Batman’s gonna fucking kill you,” Jason mumbles.

“Come on replacement Robin, you and I both know the big bad bat doesn’t kill,” Joker says.

“I’ve got a feeling he’ll make an exception,” Jason says.

“Oh I doubt that,” Joker responds. He picks up a small knife and begins to cut into Jason’s face.

“What the fuck are you doing!” Jason yells as he fails to pull his face away from the blade. Bruce will find me. Dick will find me. Y/N will find me. He kept thinking.

Back at the GCPD you. Dick and Barbra weren’t making much progress. Dick called the titans to let them know Jason was in fact not really dead and you called Thea to tell Roy the news.

“The Robin suit found on the body is yours Dick,” Barbra says.

“What?” He responds.

“How’s that possible?” You ask. “Was it in the batcave?”

“No, I dumped it in some random dumpster in Gotham…Joker must’ve just found it I guess,” he says.

“So you guys are sure he’s not still in Arkham somewhere?” You ask.

“Positive,” Barbra says.

“I searched every room myself Y/N, if he was there we would’ve found him.” Dick says.

After about four hours of reexamining every note Joker had left, you guys had found no new information.

“I think it’s time to call it a night,” Barbra says softly.

“I’m with you on that one, we’re not getting anywhere right now,” Dick says.

“But what if there’s something else in the notes, something that tells us where Jason is,” you say.

“Then we’ll probably be able to find it a lot quicker tomorrow morning,” Dick says.

“But-“ you start to speak but Dick cuts you off.

“Us draining ourselves isn’t going to help us find Jason any faster, trust me,” Dick says.

Dick and you drive to Wayne manor to spend the night there. You insisted you just stay at GCPD so you could wake up and get back to work but Dick felt getting away from everything would help clear your minds to be in better shape for tomorrow.

“We’re gonna find him,” Dick says as you two cruise through the streets of Gotham.

“I can’t feel like I did again, when you told me he was dead, I can’t relive that,” you say.

“And you won’t have to, we just need to rest for a bit then early tomorrow we can analyze the notes again, hell I’ll even go through Arkham again if it gives you some peace of mind,” Dick says.

“Every time I close my eyes I can’t help but imagine what he’s going through,” you say. Before you continue you say, “this convo stays between us okay?” You ask.

“Okay,” he says.

“He’s already been through so much just when we were titans never mind all the shit he went through before even becoming Robin, he’s been tortured before by Slade I know that but Slade’s not insane he’s sadistic but he’s not clinically out of his mind,” you say.

“Jason’s strong, like you said he’s dealt with more now than most people have in their whole lifetimes,” Dick says.

“Yeah but Jokers different than Slade, he doesn’t have any sense of morality or reality, he’ll treat Jason like an animal, worse like an object. He quite literally is nothing more than the symbol of Robin in the eyes of the Joker. Every minute I don’t know where he is I just know he’s feeling more and more pain,” you say.

Dick pulls up to the door of Wayne manor. It’s raining and dark outside. Your fear of the dark is not limited to inside, no matter where you are, ever since your encounter with Poison Ivy you can’t stand not being aware of your surroundings. The fear started to heal a bit when you joined titans. Your friendship with Gar, Rachel, Kori and Donna helped remind you that you weren’t alone. And dating Jason made you feel both seen and protected. Now it felt like that friendship and safety you knew had been ripped away from you. Dick made you feel safe, but not like Jason did. Dick walks around the car and opens the door for you. You reach into the backseat and grab your and Dick’s bags. You two hurry inside trying not to get rained on. Wayne manor is lit up due to the motion sensor lights and the fact that Alfred was around somewhere. You and Dick head upstairs and then part ways; him going into his old room and you going into Jason’s room.

Twenty minutes later the rain had turned into a full blown thunderstorm. You liked rain, it was calming and oddly comforting. But the thunder scared you. It was childish to be afraid of but you didn’t care. You decided long ago being afraid of things didn’t make you weak, it just meant you knew yourself well and had self preservation skills. The thunder went on and just as you were about to finally drown it out and go to sleep the power went out, leaving you alone in the dark. I’m not going to freak out, you thought. You knew this room like the back of your hand. The bookcase stacked with every Jane Austen novel ever written. Heavy metal and emo vinyls. You were safe here. You tried to just calm down but the more you looked off into the dark the more you swore you could feel vines wrapping around your body. Trapping you, cutting off your circulation, covering your eyes, and wrapping around your throat suffocating you. You couldn’t breath you were transported back in time to when Poison Ivy kidnapped you. Suddenly the door flew open and a light appeared. You didn’t move. You were sat straight up in bed with your eyes wide open but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to move even an inch. Dick ran over with a flashlight. He sat on your bed and took your face in his hands. “Y/N!” He said. “Y/N!” You snapped out of it and immediately brought your knees to your chest as you moved away from him slightly. You began hyperventilating. “Hey everything’s okay, just breathe,” Dick says. “Here, put your hand on your heart.” Dick moves your hand to be on your chest. “Breathe in…and breathe out,” he says. He takes your other hand and checks to see how fast your pulse is going. After a minute or two your breathing slows down.

“I’m sorry,” you say.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he responds.

“It’s the fucking lights, they went out and I…I panicked,” you say. You knew your fear wasn’t irrational given what you’d gone through but it always felt stupid to say out loud.

“I know, it’s okay,” he says. “Let me sleep on the floor, I can get the old air mattress and-“

You cut him off, “okay.” He looks surprised.

“Okay,” he says. “Here come with me to go grab it.”

You and Dick lay side by side; but you were in bed and he was on an air mattress on the floor.

“I can’t believe it’s still blown up after all these years, I wouldn’t thought it would like deflate or something,” you say.

“Right,” he says with a bit of a laugh. “The air in here is like what four? Five? Years old?”

“Yeah,” you say. “Goodnight,” you say.

“Goodnight,” Dick responds.

“Hey Dick?” You say.

“Yeah?” He says.

“Thank you for coming in when the lights went out,” you say.

“No problem,” he says. You weren’t sure which was giving you more vivid flashbacks: your panic attack in the dark or Dick Grayson sleeping on the floor next to you in Wayne manor.

Hey, idk how I feel about the Dick Grayson angst that’s ending up in here but I’m like half asleep writing it so I’m just gonna roll with it. I hope you enjoyed this part it was honestly pretty fun to write cause I LOVE being dramatic. Please like if you enjoyed, I really appreciate positive feedback cause then I am encouraged to keep writing and posting parts. Writing this has honestly been such a good escape and creative outlet. Also if you saw the last part and read my little rant after my mom is okay and home from the hospital🥳🫡This fic series is the first I’m ever writing so idk how good it is but it’s definitely fun to write. I have a lot more ideas including backstory and I’m also planning on developing the red hood plot, so remember to check out my Masterlist if you enjoyed this🩷

Here’s a link to my Masterlist if you want to read the other parts.

Masterlist

[my-stories-vault]

Prologue ~ The Supernatural Wars.

Pairing: English Dean Winchester X English Y/N L/N

Blurb: When the residents of this Earth found out that they were but a draft in God's numerous stories, they decided to make noise in hopes that their creator would return. Nothing can be louder than the begs of the powerless, the cackles of the ruthless, or the unending destruction left in the wake of the most merciless wars any universe can ever see—here the bloodshed never ends. So, tell me how can two young soulmates, then, find love's shade of red under all this crimson gore?

Warnings/Trigger Warnings (18+): Language, gore, voilence, major and minor character deaths, thoughts of suicide (not graphic), substance abuse (alcohol and cigarettes), mentions of wars (I mean, it's in the name).

{ Series Masterlist ; Main Masterlist }

Prologue.

To whoever this finds.

I write this to you from across worlds and universes. I write about a story that shook me. A story that existed in a million ways, but the only character that changed me.

She's always needed saving, but I always thought it would be from the monsters.

The world she lived in was notorious for a variety of them. Their devastating signatures littered across eras, written in collateral blood as murders; materialising as histories and case studies; appearing as literature and lore to subjectively act on; filled with marvelous heroes that made strides in the hunting world, revolutionizing the survival instincts forever.

Survival instincts . . . can you imagine? Survival, of all things has been the greatest commodity, that's been proudly taught and passed down across generations - methods to overhaul the Earth, and defeat the rest of the factions that infected the peace of their lives.

They even have a name for such an endeavour: The Supernatural Wars.

There, when you're born into a high class society, or rather, the royalty, especially in her wretched world, there's not much you can do to untangle yourself from these wars. Not only are you a hunter prodigy, but you're also representing the entire humanity as a whole. Every step, every decision you make, every action you execute paves new sections into the Civics textbooks. And the greater your contribution to the hunting world, the lengthier your "honorary" mention becomes.

I knew they had written books about her. Not just an off-handed mention, or a measly chapter—a book.

I know she certainly never pegged herself for that fame but I guess she should've known somewhere, deep down in her heart, that they would make books on her so that they didn't have to save her. So that they could forgive their guilty consciences of her blood because they were apparently doing her a favour by "remembering" her. They think that their empty fame would allow her to live on, even after they had sentenced her.

Through their books, she became the hero she always needed: what a pity.

And I'm no better - I'm writing about her because . . . well, only because she saved my life in Purgatory.

Those people have separate books on her and him. It wasn't monsters that didn't let Y/N and Dean's love live, it was the humans who think they've redeemed themselves by writing them in their histories. But history is only fucking facts. They wrote about their lives, and not how they lived it.

I know them. And I may not be able to redeem myself, but let me become deserving of her sacrifice.

So this will be my book of them - this is how I want you to remember her. This is how she wants you to remember. To remember the two young soulmates who find love's shade of red under all this crimson gore.

I hope she can forgive me for diving into her head and reliving her life so I could write this book. I am sorry for . . . everything.

From another world,

You (Y/N L/N).

A/N: This is an Easter egg from another one of my series called the "Purgatory Series". The Supernatural Wars is its prequel. I'll be posting it here soon for context but it's already up on Wattpad if any you all are eager beavers 🙃. Basically, all you have to know is that the American!Y/N (a dreamwalker) is writing about this English one, as a way to redeem herself. Meanwhile, let's dive into the Chapter 1, and lose ourselves deep into this story ❤️🥰🙃.

[P.S.: For now, I'm just tagging the people who wanted to be tagged 🙃.]

Tag List:

@hobby27 @stoneyggirl2 @globetrotter28

[beeperis]

i've been ghosting // Tim Wright/Reader

cross-posted on my Ao3 summary ; tim can't sleep without you. warnings ; implications of suicide, death, fictional afterlife (I just kinda made stuff up as I went tbh), paranormal, angst with slight comfort notes ; the lore may be incorrect but by golly. I need to get this out of my system. also not edited, I need to sleep (currently 3am)

It's easy to assume death is the only way to finally escape the Operator. You figured that all your friends who were formerly tormented by It were no longer suffering, since they were six feet under or missing. It pained you to relive the evening of your death, but it all ended in a bathtub with your favorite song playing in an effort to build up enough courage.

Obviously, there were people you regretted leaving behind: your parents, who you had to distance yourself from in order to protect them. Your friends who laid awake at night questioning what they could've done differently, or why you stopped talking to them one day without warning.

Tim Wright, the one who had unintentionally gotten you roped into what eventually ended your life.

By some odd accord, his drab apartment is where you ended up. You remembered dying. You remembered your lungs filling with water before peacefully falling victim to unconsciousness. And now, you were sitting in the corner of the room watching him sleep.

It wasn't like if you were trying to be creepy. It was one of the only things you could do: watch Tim lay awake all night, get out of bed late in the afternoon, go to the bathroom and occasionally eat, then return and sleep for a long time.

It was depressing, to say the least.

At night, your presence would curl up beside him in bed as he would shiver and pull the blankets further up on his body. You frowned at the idea of him only thinking he was cold. When he got up to go to the restroom, you'd follow right behind and wait outside the door until he was done. You lit up whenever he'd go to the kitchen and actually eat.

That night started off no different than the previous. He got ready for bed as you sat patiently, admiring him like a lost puppy or a stalker. Tim yawned and crawled into bed, covering himself up to his hips. You curled up behind him like you usually did, except this time, he laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling.

"I miss you." Hearing Tim's voice shocked you, causing you to abandon your usual position at his side and sit upright. You stared down at him, his deep brown eyes staring into nothing. Part of you wondered who he was talking about; he'd lost so many.

Almost as though he was answering your question, he continued. "I just wish I could've told you I loved you. That day I went over to your house to check on you, finding you like that…" Tim trailed off, his voice choking up whilst his eyes welled with tears that glistened from the light of the TV.

After a moment's pause, his body slightly trembled with heavy, troubled sobs. The sight broke you. You were sure there wouldn't be any pain in the afterlife, but watching the one you treasured more than the stars crumple into a hellscape of his own mind was simply too much.

Tim curled into a ball, fully breaking and hugged his knees closer to his chest. You wanted to cry too, listening to him mumble, "it's my fault," through broken cries. On instinct, you placed a hand on his arm like how you'd done comforting him in the deaths of his friends. Tim froze.

He stopped crying, but still remained tensed up. He never even made a sound. Instead, his eyes fell to where you had touched his arm. Something felt so familiar about whatever brushed against his arm, but he disregarded it as being a bug. Still, it felt like he couldn't continue crying.

This didn't go unnoticed by you. Finally, you recognized a glimpse of nostalgia in those profound, fawn-colored eyes. Experimentally, you reached out to hold his hand in your translucent one.

Tim abruptly sat up in bed, breathing heavily as he stared at his hand. So cold, yet it held the warmth and fullness of a lover claimed by the inevitable fate of time. You could've sworn you heard him mutter your name.

Daringly, you brought up another cold hand to caress his face. "I'm here," you spoke softly to attempt to reassure him. You had no idea if he could hear you. More than anything, it was a plea for him to notice you. To look you in the eyes and smile with the same familiarity, wrap you up in the tightest hug you'd felt in ages, and promise to never leave your side.

Rather than doing any of the aforementioned, tears continued rolling down Tim's cheeks. "I miss you," he cried once more. You could handle it no longer, and uncertainly tried wrapping him in a hug. To your surprise, it seemed as though he felt it given the way his body relaxed, almost easing into your nonexistent touch.

After a few more heart-wrenching tears and whispers of, "I love you," and, "I miss you, baby," Tim finally began easing himself back down into his bed. You, as always, were curled up right behind him. Your eyes wandered over to his digital alarm clock, red letters lighting up certain portions of the room.

It was 2:22 am when he finally went to sleep, clutching a tear-soaked pillow he imagined was you.

[pjsk-headcanons]

*VERY DEEP INHALE* nIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHTTCORDDDDDD i am so excited im gonna be yapping so hard. prepare yourself aaaAaaAAAAAA

n25-> kanade (unit leader), tsukasa, shiho, akito (great lineup am i right)

n25 -> midnight dream|space

-cue kanade backstory as usual. sorry i think mds is not gonna have any of a better time than canon niigo. oops hehe (drops a ton of angst on them sorry they are my favourites)

-while uploading a melody to some anonymous website, she notices people talking about a different artist in her old uploads. she checks the artist out, listens to a few songs. follows the artist, named SUTA. (all of the nicknames have meaning ;) however, something seems. off.

-this happens again with an artist called nasake. kanade doesnt think much of it.

-a week or two pass when she gets a message in nightcord from SUTA. they want to pair up. kanade agrees reluctantly to call with them to discuss the partnership. during the call, kanade says she wants more people in the group (namely nasake because of the "weird feeling" and because oh my god this guy is kinda loud. its midnight and he so loud my ears)

-yknow what happens. nasake joins the partnership out of curiousity and recommends another artist that they should invite because the music sounds similar.

-kanade listens to their songs. gets the same weird feeling. agrees.

-said artist (called aimai) happily agrees to the partnership and they join a few calls, never talking. they make some demo songs.

-after everyone else logs off, kanade works for a little longer. miku heyyy oh miku wh

-enters sekai. its called house SEKAI. keyword house not home ;)

-insert "i need to save them" stuff i cant think of dialogue

-next day, kanade asks them to meet up because she "needs to get more cup noodles" (actually trying to observe their irl behaviour)

-meetup happens

-kanade resolves to save them. the rest are oblivious to what theyve gotten themselves into

kanade = K

tsukasa = SUTA

shiho = nasake

akito = aimai

all of these have meaning. also i think its funny that akitos nickname is similar to his VAs

okay i did some quick changes to make this work (and because i love bullying my favs)

-okay. remember akitos "good boy" persona? *cranks it up to max* oops so basically its his entire personality because i feel like it doesnt have enough exploration in canon. basically like more than canon mafuyus "good girl" persona.

-also. never went to rad weekend and continued soccer. still does soccer.

-shinonomes and hinomoris live in a very cough tense situation. shiho is like 10x more distrustful than in canon because of the childhood friends thing. also shizuku and ena...uh we dont talk about them

-tsUKASA TENMA. probably a little less loud than in canon and is a lot more serious. still aiming to be a star. is overbearing and worries over saki a lot (much to her dismay)

-tsukasa does the editing and occasionally the composing, shiho does the art(cause akito dont wanna you loser)and sometimes recreates the instrumental, akito does the lyrics (they all need equal amounts of saving this is not gonna be a mafuyu-akito focus)

TRUST RANKS

kanade - tsukasa -> "so loud...so serious?", "hospital encounter" (yk 💀), "prioritizing your health over mine" (please take care of yourself tsucaca and kanade)

shiho - akito -> "distant feelings", "i dont have any siblings" (lying), "dreams long extinguished" (auououuuauu)

tsukasa - shiho -> "my sisters old friend?", "not knowing you felt this way", "aiming for rekindled friendships"

akito - kanade -> "inside, outside", "heat haze rescue!" (reference to my imagined event of when kanade gets heatstroke and the rest of mds has to take care of her), "to relive past memories"

kanade - shiho -> "instrument pros", "family predicament", "burning resolve" (anon try not to bully kanade challenge impossible)

tsukasa - akito -> "orange hair 'buddies'", "troublemaking senior", "the real me?" (koughsghshhgggh)

dONE WITH THE LORE WOOHOO. SEKAIPOSTING NEXT AND PLAYLISTS AFTER...MAYBE SOME MORE CROSS-UNIT TRUST RANKS...also to anyone who reblogs in the tags i see them and you guys are literally the best

have a great day mod 👍 see you next time!!

🌐 anon

.

[lizardsfromspace]

The problem with Lost's final season (full spoilers btw) isn't "unanswered questions" (after all the episode set aside to answer all the stray unanswered questions is one of the worst ones), it's that the flashsideways are bad. They're a bad idea that's not executed well

They don't feel organic to the story, but feel like they're there bc it's the final season and in final seasons you revisit old characters, and because the writers can't just remove the flash structure even if there's nothing to flash to anymore.

But the problem is that...okay. The flashbacks did hint at larger lore and connections, but each one also told a complete story about the character's life before the island, and more importantly, who they really were before the Island. It's important that Locke was in a wheelchair, but it's equally important to learn that Locke was a LARPing office worker with a desperate need to feel special. The flashforwards were pieces of a larger puzzle, but also told complete stories about how each character's life fell apart after leaving the Island.

But the flashsideways are...an AU version of everyone's first season character, running through familiar beats with some unexpected connections, but no clear reason why it matters? I remember the discussion at the time, and there was relatively little discussion of the content of the flashsideways, just a lot of discussion of what cool explanation will eventually make it all matter in retrospect. People did discuss the bigger picture of the flashforwards, but they did also discuss the character arcs to a larger degree. I guess there's the ~thrill~ of dead characters returning, but uh. Lost already had a half-dozen devices to do that and did that regularly. Lost did unexpected character connections in flashbacks since day one.

Because there's just no momentum to them. Because they don't introduce a character who knows what's going on until two-thirds of the way into the season, and deny us any explanation of what's going on until the penultimate scene of the series. At least in the flashforwards we knew they escaped the Island, even if we didn't know how. Here we have nothing

But when they do reveal what it is, it's...odd for a couple reasons. The surface level are the absurdities, like Sayid's soulmate being Shannon, Aaron entering the afterlife as a baby, and Ji-Yeon entering the afterlife as a fetus surrounded by people she never met.

At a bigger level, though, the afterlife is a place where people are drawn to work through their issues and then move on, with the people they're tied to by destiny.

That's...the Island. That's what the Island is. Did the Island fail to improve anyone but Frank and Mr. Eko? Why do they get drawn to the Island to undergo character development with everyone, then get reset to do it all again after their death?

The answer is so they can have the requisite finale warm and fuzzy ending where they all move on together, all in a church with all the other people they've spent six seasons screaming and pointing guns at.

The writers talked about story arcs and character arcs they cut from season six for lack of time, but half of each episode is devoted to a plot line that only gains emotional resonance in the finale, and that gains no real energy or interest when you do know what's going on, since the way it's set up is designed to invite theories before it's designed to lend emotional weight. Bc why should I care about a character reliving season one's flashbacks, when I uh, saw season one?

Like. Everyone complained about how repetitive Kate's flashbacks were, even in season one. Kate's on the run, she does something that shows she cares, goes back on the run. Kate has by far the thinnest backstory of any of the "major" characters. And what's the first solo flashsideways? A season one style Kate On The Run episode. They ran out of material for the basic flashbacks fairly early, and spent season four doing flashforwards, and spent season five doing flashbacks to everyone's life in the timeskip, and then the final season brings them back, but uh, she meets Claire! So it's different enough now

In the afterlife Jack has a son named David, and his arc is about his afterlife son David, because after the show made Jack interesting again in the last couple seasons by giving him new arcs we really need to go back to the "Jack's daddy issues" well, and then halfway into the finale he's just never mentioned again, and anyway, the writers later said that David was just a psychic projection of Jack's younger self. Which would've been a neat storyline to allude to in any way, instead of having the end of his storyline be everyone just kind of leaving and forgetting him

[haddonfieldwhore]

take me back to eden - vessel

the apparition part 2

vessel (sleep token) x gn!reader

part one

warnings: angst, inhuman?vessel, not lore accurate, i think that’s it

word count: 2.4k

a strange sense of deja vu washed over you as you felt the breeze tickling your skin. the water of the pond your feet splashed in was warm as you looked around the open field of grass and flowers surrounding you, the nearest trees far off in the distance. had you been here before? you couldn’t remember, but it seemed so familiar but not at the same time. a hooded figure seemed to appear out of nowhere, suddenly walking towards you when you turned your head, and you felt an even stronger wave of emotion, although surely you would remember meeting this person before? his appearance so unique, the white mask that covered his face and the black paint that coated his skin.

“hello,” you greeted the stranger with a warm smile, although he didn’t return it.

“hello,” he replied softly. “may i join you?”

“sure,” you smiled, and this time vessel found it hard not to smile back, your kind expression contagious as he admired your features. “what is your name?”

“you may call me vessel,” he replied, his heart aching as once again he realized you did not remember him. why was he cursed to relive this nightmare over and over? what had he done to deserve this? whatever it was he would repent and scream his forgiveness until he lost his voice if it only meant he never had to come back to this place. “what brings you to this place, my dear?”

“i….” you began to reply, but suddenly couldn’t remember. why were you here? how did you get here? then as if a switch had been flipped, the feeling of confusion left and a sense of ease washed over you, a smile returning to your face as you replied. “oh, i’m just visiting.” vessel tilted his head slightly at you, but didn’t say anything. “what about you?” what was he supposed to say? he couldn’t very well tell you that he was here as some sort of punishment, that he was cursed to relive this encounter over and over in exchange for the powers sleep had granted him. if he could go back in time was immortality worth the pain it caused him to be so close to you, but have you just out of reach? no, he decided immediately. nothing was worth this pain.

“i’m looking for… a friend of mine,” he answered cautiously. “i thought i might find them here.”

“oh! would you like me to help you look for them?” you offered, and vessel found himself smiling again at your willingness to help someone you (at least thought) you had just met.

“that is very generous of you,” he beamed. “but i’m sure they will find us here. why don’t we stay here for a bit?” he suggested, and you nodded.

“i would like that.”

“is the water warm?” vessel asked, sitting down in the grass next to you and reaching forward to touch the surface of the sparkling water. your hand reached out to mimic his action, your fingertips bumping into his as you watched the water ripple around your hands. you grasped his hand in yours, lifting it out of the water and examining it, and vessel felt a familiar pain in his chest at the feeling of your touch.

“the paint….” you spoke softly, in awe of how it remained on his skin, unaffected by the water. vessel couldn’t help himself, and intertwined his fingers with yours, holding your hand tight, as if you would drift away if he were to let go. his heart pounded in his chest, worried that you would pull away, or be offended by the gesture? but you didn’t, instead wrapping your other hand around your connected ones. “your hand is so cold,” you spoke. “are you okay?”

“you need not worry about me,” he replied, his irregular body temperature something you had always pestered him about, always asking if he was sure he was warm enough, or insisting on cuddling into him at night even though he was nearly freezing.

“you might be warmer if you got in the water,” you suggested, and you began to stand up to walk into the long, pulling him with you. vessel almost let you drag him out into the water before he stopped, memories of the last time he had dreamt of this place flooding his mind; how you had disappeared after he kissed you in the water.

“forgive me-“ he stopped, and you turned back to look at him with a worried expression. “i think i would prefer to stay on the shore if that is alright with you.”

“of course!” you smiled, unfazed by the nervous tone in his voice. you walked back to the edge of the pond and sat down again, vessel jointing you. “do you not like the water?”

“it is not that,” he answered, unsure of what excuse to give you as to why he didn’t wish to enter the water. “i just do not wish for my clothes to get wet.”

“i understand. here, maybe if we sit closer together you will warm up,” you said innocently, scooting closer until your sides were touching and you could rest your head on his shoulder. vessel felt his body tense in surprise, but he soon relaxed, the familiar scent of you close to him relaxing him, and he allowed himself to close his eyes. he felt a tug on his necklaces, and looked down to see your fingers entangled in them, examining the delicate charms and beading of the jewelry, something you did often. “these are so beautiful.”

“thank you,” he hummed. vessel carefully wrapped an arm around your waist, holding you tight against him.

“the grass is so soft it’s like a blanket,” you laughed, and vessel gasped softly as you pushed him over playfully until you both lay in the grass. it was indeed soft against his skin, and vessel glanced to the side to admire you as you stared up at the fluffy white clouds that passed overhead. vessel couldn’t stop himself from reaching over to gently touch your cheek, and you allowed him to turn your head towards him. “wouldn’t it be nice to stay here forever?” you asked happily, and vessel couldn’t help but feel saddened by the idea. it was a bittersweet thought, how he would love to stay like this with you forever, but this was a you that did not remember him, or the love that you shared.

“it would,” he said anyway, only partly lying.

“will your friend be wondering where you are?” you asked, and vessel thought for a moment. how could he explain that it was you he had been looking for? he had dreamed of this place hundreds, maybe thousands of times, and had never tried to tell you of the life you couldn’t remember. would it change anything? he thought surely it couldn’t hurt to try, he would just relive the same torturous dream again tomorrow night.

“i was actually looking for you.”

“for me? i don’t understand…” you sat up, looking back at vessel as he did the same, longing to regain the feeling of your touch, even just the feeling of you being next to him.

“you do not remember, but we have met before.”

“i don’t-“ you mumbled nervously, your eyebrows knitting together as you stared at him in confusion.

“this is a dream,” vessel spoke, and in the distance you could hear approaching thunder, and the wind changed to being a chill through the air. “this is not real. we have a life together, in consciousness you are mine, and i yours.”

“that’s impossible. how could that be true if i don’t remember any of it?” vessel reached forward to hold your hands in his, as the sky above turned grey, the thunder louder now as heavy rain began to fall from the now dark clouds that covered the sun.

“each night i dream of this place, where you do not know who i am. it is a curse that i would not wish upon even my greatest enemy. but it is worth it to spend my existence with you.”

“vessel….” the rain poured down onto the two of you now, and you began to shake from the sudden cold. “i want to believe you, i really do. i know that i feel safe with you, but this is a lot to process.”

“i know. i am sorry, my darling. i did not intend to overwhelm you. let us find somewhere to hide from the rain.” you allowed him to pull you up to your feet, and vessel slid his detailed coat off of his shoulders and draped it over you, leaving him in an open black shirt that quickly also became soaked through from the rain.

“thank you,” you smiled, wrapping the heavy material around your body as the two of you reached the trees you had seen in the distance earlier. hadn’t they been further before? and you hadn’t remembered seeing any birds before, but you could hear them chirping in the branches above you as you found a dry patch of grass to sit in below a large tree. vessel sat behind you? his back against the trunk as he pulled you into his arms, unable to resist nestling you into his chest.

“what happens before you wake up?” you asked, and vessel was taken aback. he had not expected you to ask such a question.

“you disappear,” he answered solemnly.

“i am still confused. why do you have to go through that - this - every night? and is it really worth it just to be with … me?” the words felt funny coming out of your mouth, still baffles by the idea of this being all a dream, of having a life you couldn’t remember.

“it is the price i pay to be what i am, to be with a human. but there is no pain or suffering on earth that would be enough to keep me from you, my love. even one moment with you is worth a thousand lifetimes of anguish.”

“you mean.. you are not human?” you asked but he did not reply. “how can i be so lucky and not even know it? how did i end up with someone as incredible as you, and how dare i forget it,” you asked, feeling tears forming in your eyes as you looked up at him.

“how could i be so lucky to have you, my dear. it is not your fault, there is a greater force involved.”

“will i remember any of this when i wake up? or tomorrow night when you return?”

“i am not sure. i do not think it is likely,” vessel replied, and you nodded sadly. “i am sorry.”

“what are you sorry for? i am the one who does not remember us… i can’t imagine having to live through that over and over again.”

“i promise you, i would not trade our love for anything, even if i must suffer the consequence.” vessel spoke, and you couldn’t help but cry, burying your face in the crook of his neck as his arms encircled you, holding you impossibly close. “get some rest my love. i will see you again.”

“what if i don’t remember any of this?”

“then i will just have to remind you again.”

“have you told… me- the me when you’re awake?” you asked.

“i never wished to burden you with this.”

“but then you are carrying it all on your own,” you protested. “you should tell…well me.” you laughed lightly, and you felt vessels chest shake with a slight chuckle.

“i will consider it,” vessel agreed. “get some rest my love.”

“i want to remember you,” you mumbled sadly, and vessel stroked your head softly.

“does it bring you peace to know that in the real world, i have never felt a love from another being like i feel from you?” he asked, and your heart skipped a beat.

“it does. thank you, vessel. i hope you always feel that way when you’re with me.”

“i will, my dear. sleep now, we will meet again soon.”

vessel closed his eyes, only to open them again to find you gone, only his coat left draped over his lap in the place where you had been just seconds before. he sighed, holding the material close to him, your scent still lingering in the fabric, his eyes closing again. this time when they opened again, he was awake, staring up at the ceiling of your shared bedroom. vessel began to panic when he noticed you were not in bed next to him, but he breathed a sigh of relief when you appeared in the doorway. you noticed the worries look on the parts of his face that his mask didn’t conceal, and crawled back into bed next to him.

“what’s wrong, ves?” you asked. “bad dream?”

“yes, but not the same one as usual.”

“do you have the same dream often?” you asked, allowing him to pull you into his arms, laying down with you on his chest.

“it is a long story, but yes. each night i dream of the same thing, a world where you don’t remember us,” he admitted, though he still wondered if telling you was the right decision.

“vessel how long has this been going on? is this something to do with you being-“

“a long time. and yes, it is the cost for my choice to spend my life with you. but do not feel guilt or worry for me. nothing in this existence could ever change how i feel about you, or take me from you.”

“i wish you had told me sooner, i had no idea you were dealing with this. i knew you had nightmares but vessel-“

“i am okay. so long as i have you,” he kissed you softly, and you held him tighter.

“you will always have me. is there anything i can do?” you asked, knowing it was a silly question. even after all the years you had spent together, the extent of vessels abilities remained a mystery to you, you just knew he was more than human, granted that state of being by something higher.

“just do not disappear this time, my love,” he replied, and you kissed his collarbone softly.

“i won’t, i promise.”

disclaimer: all screenshots, events, and/or interactions depicted in this are a work of fiction. i have no association with any parties mentioned

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

4 Minutes Theory:

What Dr. Den Doesn't Know

Hello. It is I again.

You know the procedure: It's under the cut.

Let's go.

Is It Dream Theory???

I think I could've started by explaining the things that made me consider the theory that I propose today BUT, I think it's only fair to address the elephant in the room first:

Are the events of 4 Minutes dream theory?

Look: maybe I'm wrong and I just fucking hate dream theory bc it's so overused, unoriginal and pointless but I wanna (and I do) believe it's not what's going on. Well... Not exactly.

Let's take it apart.

My favourite guy over here ^ (look at him, he's beautiful and he's precious and I love him, I wanna keep him inside my house and feed him treats, 'cause he's such a good boy), Dr. Den, is, and we know this since the beginning, conducting a study on what happens to people's brains when they go into cardiac arrest.

More especifically, he wants to know what happens to the brain within the 4 minutes during which it is still alive and without oxygen (before the person either dies or gets medical help).

For this, bc

(Yes, thank you, Pirates of the Caribbean) Dr. Den is collecting information through the people that have survived that experience. And, so far what we knew was: people have weird experiences when their brain doesn't have oxygen. Which, fair enough, that much was expected.

HOWEVER, this episode (or ep.5, for the people in the future. btw hi 👋) he get LORE through Dr. Den, my our favourite medical exposition guy. And here's what he says:

"Patients' perceptions vary based on their experiences. Some relive past experiences. Some have supernatural powers. Some go back to fix past mistakes. Some get a fresh start with those they love.

Patients' experiences feel real but they aren't entirely accurate. Patients can see memories, hear sounds or feel brief sensations of pain. Even if it is unrelated to what else is going on."

So this might seem pretty revealing and easy to understand: what we've seen so far was going on in Great's brain. This is his dream and it's what his brain is making up to keep him going during the 4 minutes where it nervously waits for someone to rescue it from impending doom.

And yes, I'm not crazy enough to say that's wrong but... Every situation has at least 3 versions of it, we say in Portuguese: mine, yours and the others'. And what I believe we need to see here is that:

What we know is merely what people remember when they wake up and what the medical staff can tell is happening to the body whose brain is 4 minutes without oxygen. It is NOT the whole truth. Not even close.

What Is It Then?

See, I could try and show the evidence first and then make a conclusion but I wanna hit you with a banger theory right away so Imma say it rn:

People's dreams when their brains have no oxygen in them are gateways that generate alternative realities.

And I hear you say: "okay but that's last week's theory, that's not new" and yes, you're correct HOWEVER, under the light of episode 5's events I feel like I need to prove this again. So let's hit it, Fergie!

1 - Dr. Den Recognizes He Has No Idea What the Time Travel Thing Is

Now, I know this might just mean Den recognizes he can't explain why it seems many people seem to experience this exact phenomenon of the 4 minutes time travel (which by itself is weird and opens up room for debate on what it means, even on a purely medical level) but I believe it can be used as evidence that something else is going on. That whatever that time travel means it goes being current human medicine, you know?

Even if not, it does prove my earlier point that what we're seing is only a fraction of the truth, that there is more to uncover. And a clear indication of the series (although it might be subtle to many) that we should be looking beyond on what lies on the surface and what Den is telling us.

2 - We're Being Shown Events in the Timeline Where Great Has Powers that Great Couldn't Possibly Know Because He Wasn't There

This is one of the strongest evidence points for me. Because explain to me how and why this man knows what Tyme told his grandma this episode.

Or how he knows conversations that happened between Dome and the medical staff?

Sure, Ig you can argue that maybe his brain imagines that's what happens, especially in Tyme's case since, I suppose it would be a nice thing to keep going for to think that your lover is rushing your way but... He barely knows Dome outside of being his classmate so that rule doesn't apply there. The events of Dome's life are, matter of fact, nearly irrelevant to Great's life (outside of the way in which they change Tonkla and Korn's relationship and, therefore, Korn's actions - which is why he was so hurt this episode to be demanded to let Tonkla go, since Tonkla's brother never dies and so he never met Win, thus they never broke up).

And what does anyone even have to say about what we're shown about Dr. Den's research? How does Great know that? Is he making it up? Does he know this in the original universe? How? He doesn't have the powers in the original universe, does he? Did Tyme tell him? Just casually? Idk, it could be, but...

Based on a very good point @yakdee (great URL btw) made on this post about how different the circumstances, motives and depth of GreatTyme's relationship and how they seem to be way more distant than in the current timeline, I do believe it's farfetched to think that Tyme would give Great any free info on his life and that of people around him. Much less on something so specific and seemingly uninteresting to Tyme (how can he, that topic is fascinating) as Den's research. I don't think it would even come to his mind. Matter of fact, I think it's only more prevalent to him in the current timeline bc of what Great told him. Otherwise, he couldn't care less.

Plus, if we think about it more closely... How many lives is Great's brain processing at once, then?? Isn't that kind of a lot?? Doesn't it make more sense for this to be an entirely different timeline where this things ARE happening??

PS: I know I could've also used Korn's dialogues as evidence but since he's the bridge between Great and Tonkla, I think it's hard to use his scenes as evidence for anything bc they could be happening in either Past 1 (the bad past with a bit of an oddity) or Past 2 (the past where Great time travels) [if you want to understand more of why I refer to these timelines this way, pls check out my previous theory]. I don't tink they change much regardless, Korn seems to be the person whose life is the least affected by the changes, out of all the main characters, but... Regardless, I don't think it's good practice to build over a shaky foundation so I have not.

3 - Great Can't Fix His Mother's Death

Now tell me why

(Ain't nothing but a heartache and a mistake, indeed, my friends) But that wasn't where I was going...

What I meant was: if your brain is making up a better reality where you can fix everything you did wrong, then why the fuck would it choose for your mother to die anyway??? Why, out of all things, was the only thing you could never fix your mom dying??

And sure, I know, I know, people will make the argument that it's the trauma and, like, yeah, Ig if you wanna believe that, that must've been that man's most traumatic moment, sure, I agree. But is that enough? The answer, I think, is: we don't know. Maybe, maybe not...

So... You can believe whatever, so far, I suppose, but the fact is that it leaves it open to interpretation why the events are so. Which means, it can be speculated that, the actual reason behind she dying again is because, for the 1st time since we've started to see Great's trajactory with his powers, he made the wrong choices.

And this is not me saying he's dumb, by the way, like... It's easy to ask for help for someone who's dying. It's only midly hard to land a punch on an murderer, even when he's your best friend. And it's certainly not unthinkable to open up to your crush, even when what you have to reveal is that you're a little bit crazy.

But I think it's extremely hard to stop a man with a gun. Even when your mom's life is on the line.

In a way, maybe, there is no timeline where Great can change that moment when it comes. Maybe timelines where he can avoid that moment from happening in the first place, yeah... But none in which he can avoid it if it's already there. (remember what I said about Greek Tragidies last week? yeah... it's coming up nicely)

And maybe this is not evidence for some people, which I respect, but to me, narrative intent and logic can be used to make a point. And I think making certain tragidies repeat themselves is part of what the narrative of 4 minutes is about too.

I know last time I talked about the power of people's actions and butterfly effect but that is only part of reality. A lot is under our control but a lot also isn't. And I think it's fair to assume, if the 1st part of this series was about the power, the 2nd will be about the impotence (which is not the sexual kind but I think the amount of sex we've seen in the 1st part is definitely a narrative tool and the fact this was the 1st episode without any sex scene [the flashbacks obviously don't count] is also being one).

Thus, my theory makes narrative sense.

4 - Tonkla's Weird Experiences Exist Outside of Great's Knowledge AND the Timeline He's In

Okay, I get it. It is possible to find alternative explanations to what I'm interpreting here and maybe that makes you doubt me. Fair. But then explain to me what the actual fuck is happening to Tonkla. Pls.

How is that man hearing his dead brother's voice? Seeing his dead cat walk around??

What does that mean? How can we be seing that if it's just all in Great's head??

I explained in my earlier theory (please check it out) that we're being given direct access to 3 different timelines: the one where Great is in the ER (pre-opening scenes), the one where Great has superpowers (Great-related scenes) and the one where Tonkla hears his brother and sees the cat (Tonkla-related scenes).

Based on that I can't possibly assume Great in the ER who's creating the timeline of Great with superpowers knows what's going on in the Tonkla timeline. He just can't. How would he even? He has no idea (as far as we know) who Tonkla is, that Dome is his brother, that bro had a cat that got killed by his father and that he buried it in Uni grounds... So we can't place that, no matter what, as just another figment of Great's imagination. Those events have to be real.

And if those events, which seem to be caused by Great's interference with the space-time continuum, are real, then that means, no doubts, that the Great Has Powers timeline also has to be.

So What Does It Mean??

Good question, Miley.

Luckily I have a beautifully tragic answer for you:

It means that when/if Great wakes up from the ER in his timeline nothing will have changed. The events of his life will be exactly the same and life will go on with the consequences of the choices he made the first time. Just like they are for Lukwa who woke up exactly in the same universe as she lost consciousness.

HOWEVER, while for that Great things will be as shitty as they were when he left, it also means that, far away from him, just like there must be another Timeline for Lukwa, there is a different timeline, with a Great who made different choices and, therefore, got a different end.

How different? I don't know. We're yet to see. But I think when we know, we'll be able to compare the two or three (maybe even more, we'll see now that the Great with Powers is also without oxygen in his brain) timelines we're being shown and take our own conclusions about the weight of our actions and the meaning of mistakes.

Final Thoughts

I think this series is doing a great job of making us question a lot of things like what is reality, how time works, what is the real weight of a choice, what is a choice, etc... And I can't wait to see where it leads us. I'm really hyped to understand this narrative.

As usual, if you guys wanna comment or add anything or ask anything or whatever it is, please do! Let's give soul to this fandom and interact with each other, yeah?

In the meantime...

All the love! 💜💜💜

[shewhowas39]

Hello :)

After reading your post about elven maturity - which is great imo because I'm totally new to dnd and know little to nothing - I think you might be able to answer some of my questions.

I stumbled upon posts that stated Astarion to be so young because he still carries his child name or something like that. It's been weeks I read those posts I can't remember probably. So my question is, if "Astarion" is his child name, what would be his "adult name" by elven standards? Does he even need to chance his name? I just think it fits him perfectly fine so I can't imagine him having a different name or similar name to his "child name".

Thank you in adavance for your answer :)

this is a really great question that i probably should have touched on in my post. so thank you for asking!

okay, so as i explained in my original post, in elven culture, elves are considered adults at age 100. this has nothing to do with physical or psychological maturity. it's purely a cultural thing because elves live so long.

now, it does actually go somewhat deeper than that. long story made short, an elf's trance (called Reverie in elven culture) goes through phases as they age. during trance, an elf relives memories. there is a lot of lore behind this that is really interesting, but basically, around age 100 the memories they access during trance changes. which is where the marker of 100 comes from.

at this point, an elf is able to choose thier "adult name." up to this point, they've carried a name given to them by parents, usually a name that reflects something about their perosnality. like a nickname. and then when they are seen as adults, they are allowed to pick a name for themselves. it's a sort of right of passage.

now, again, this is a elven culture thing. so elves living in more diverse cities, like Baldur's Gate, might do things differently.

it can be assumed, because it is on his grave and he was only 39, that Astarion was his "child name." at 39, his trance/reverie would not have gone through the change yet. so he never got to pick his adult name.

what would Astarion's "adult name" be? it would be up to him. considering he lived in Baldur's Gate, he may not even ascribe to this custom. but if he did, then presumably at age 100 he would have chosen a new name.

why didn't he choose one when he hit age 100 since as a spawn? there could be a lot of reasons for this. one is that he may not have folloed the more elfy customs because of where he lived. one is that his trance/reverie remains the same as it was at 39 and never went through the change because of being sort of in stasis as a vampire. it's also possible he just didn't see the point, seeing himself as dead anyway. (i doubt Cazador would have been willing to call him by a chosen name anyway.)

this is a very simplified version of the lore. the trance/reverie stuff is interesting but complex and tied into elven religion, which Astarion also doesn't have any interest in, which may be another reason he never changed his name. if you're interested in it, definitely check out hte Forgotten Realms wiki. it's neat and may have some insight into waht Astarion could possibly see during his trance.

but, again, going back to my old post, Astarion having a "child name" does not mean he is a child in any way except for a specifically elven cultural sense. he just didn't go through a very specific right of passage. and he never chose a new name for himself.

hope that explains things!

[pessimisticshapewithablog]

New RELICS OF THE OLD FAITH

Dialogue from Aym and Baal + Narinder

Spoilers below.

BAAL

Master! Aym? What is this place?"

"So much color... so many creatures..."

"...master?"

My thoughts

The first thing he does is call out to TOWW and Aym and that makes me so soft🥺. But his next line is an eye opener for me. "So much color.." Has he has never been outside of the the Gateway?! I know the twins were given to TOWW as children but it never clicked that they WOULDN'T remember their time on the surface. "So many creatures..." Same as before the twins don't remember their time on the surface. It's only been the twins and TOWW for a very long time. It's a wonder they remember Forneus at all...

AYM

"Back! Stay back! I will slice your belly open! I will cut that crown from your head!" "What foul place is this? Moments ago I was... I was..."

My thoughts

This man went full "get back you savages" lmao. Also way more violent than his brother, then again it seems as though Aym was reliving his final moments whereas his brother was not. "What foul place is this?" Rude Aym that's our temple. He seems less disoriented by the new scenery and more of the sudden change of location. "Moments ago I was... I was..."

Narinder

"Hmf. Baal and Aym? I did not take them. They were given."

Um! WHAT! My guy you cannot be dropping lore pearls all willy nilly! So it WAS his followers or, someone, who went to Forneus to take her kits!

"Intended as keepers, perhaps, but they were young and in need of guidance. Must I be blamed for my influence?"

Why would TOWW think these children were meant to be his keepers? A keeper is "a person who manages or looks after something or someone." If anything TOWW was meant to be THEIR keeper. I have noticed that TOWW really dislikes being made to feel responsible for things he did not want nor ask for. He says something similar after he is defeated. He doesn't seem to grasp that his actions and inactions have an effect on others. Even though he doesn't want them to. (A man/cat/god after my own heart...)

"Salvaged from the void, they are yours now. Do what you wish, scornful God. I care not for them."

Really Narinder? His earlier statement makes it seem a through he begrudgingly decided to become a sort of teacher/mentor to the twins but NOW it's whatever. This man is so tsudere it's frustrating. Or he genuinely CANNOT form emotional connections to people which may explain his actions....

Questions...?

The thing about Aym and Baal is how did they end up where they were. Their revival is completely unlike the resurrection ritual and is the reverse of the sacrifice ritual. It appears as though the twins were sacrificed and we trade two of our followers to take their place. It makes you wonder: where do the sacrifices go? Because we never see any in the gateway, TOWW only ever references them as having been done in his honor. Their souls go somewhere else and not to him.

Conclusion

While I am happy we get the resolution of Forneus reuniting with her sons, i sorta wish there was more 'substance' to it, ya know. From what I can find there are no interactions between the twins with TOWW or the Lamb. We never learn anything about them. Even with the new content.

[rielzero]

Dissociative Amnesia and what it does (Yes this post is also about Astarion)

TRIGGER WARNING: I discuss how Trauma affects your memory and my experience with it.

This post is specifically about amnesia surrounding the self, there is a variant to this type of amnesia that erases the access to a bad memory or collection of memories itself. A quick google search will tell you;

Dissociative amnesia involves not being able to recall information about oneself (not normal forgetting). This amnesia is usually related to a traumatic or stressful event and may be: localized – unable to remember an event or period of time (most common type)

Hi! I have CPTSD, and as a result of a lot of life events I experienced, I have dissociative amnesia. I wrote in detail about my experience with bad memory in a much older post: This one here. I recommend you read it as I'll skip over some things explained in more detail there.

In DND lore, Elves use meditation to recall memories of oneself, they do not require sleep and have different physiology when it comes to rest. Spiritual physiology counts here too, since Elves reincarnate. This lore is explained better on the forgotten realms wiki.

I've seen a lot of posts going over Astarion's line when you ask him about himself after the vampire reveal.. Instead of the magistrate thing he will mention that 200 years of torture leave little to remember.

Now, this- as someone who has cptsd is a thing I recognize very well. If you take in consideration that elves at a certain point meditate memories of their years and eventually past lives- when next you are being tortured and disconnected from your past lives by becoming undead, your most recent memories will be those decades and decades just torture. When you are in a place of misery- you will lose connection to good memories, or distant memories. The worse something is, the more precedent that memory becomes- It's a survival thing. ''This is the bad thing, we must avoid'' and you might relive it at random, without knowing why exactly. Astarion says so himself. What's 39 elf years vs 200 years of being undead and put through pure hell? (Still unclear on what Astarion's actual age is, but I'm not going into that, I had another post for this.)

Please know: This does not mean you have permanent memory loss- you lose attachment and association to good memories. One day can be a nightmare, but something good could also have happened that same week. When you're traumatized by repeated events unfortunately the repetitive ''bad thing'' will be prioritized by your survival instinct and shock you more if you are continuously exposed to it in a dangerous environment. The longer you are in an unsafe environment, the more your association to good things becomes detached. You develop coping mechanisms and behaviors, avoidance, bias. We see this in Astarion and how he treats the player when they meet. He's in a situation he feels incredibly unfamiliar with- so he falls back on daggers and threats. Manipulative charm comes afterwards. His coping mechanisms of course, have been discussed in more detail by others on this platform. Now to the memory thing; from my own experience with randomly remembering stuff once I got out of the ''unsafe'' environment for a long time, once your body feels settled or secure.. Things just come back. Either its a nightmare flashback that you need to process slowly, because you haven't had time for it while you felt unsafe, or it can be the ''good'' or the ''normal'' memories too.

I personally headcanon and believe- that 200 years alone of torture don't necessarily erase ''39'' years of something else. I have been in ''unsafe'' environment for most of my life, since I was a kid. Once I hit 21, when I finally felt safe things just started popping up in my head. Both bad and good. I might not be an immortal long living creature, but I am still having random memories flood back these days.

It's very alienating at times to see your old self through that lens that you often don't recognize that person as someone that was you. Simply because you've outgrown it or you've matured. Your brain has distanced you from it because there was no space to even think of it.

I still experience horrible short term memory and frequent recollective ability malfunction. (Basically I struggle with routines or storing information I have not been able to process thoroughly.) Memory loss happens to me all the time and it is more inconvenient to me than it is to anyone who's annoyed by it..

Now imagine either ending route of Astarion, (Wether spawn or ascended) finally settling down in a place of peace, and he goes and meditates. Sometimes he dreams of torture again, and eventually after a while.. He remembers his parents, he remembers an old friend.. He remembers being bullied at school, he remembers a lover he cheated on.. He just starts remembering his life before the torture. Just bit by bit- very small things. And it's like.. It feels like A completely different person to him.

That's what it was like for me. Sometimes out of nowhere, I will recall something I said, or did in my youth. Something outside of the shitty things I went through. And sometimes I'll remember things that were done to me and realize.. That was wrong, and someone should've said something about it. Sometimes I'll remember something incredibly cringe I did as a kid and just cringe about it again. Eugh. I don't always remember the trauma and only the trauma. I'd remember things outside of it too, just not as frequent.

CPTSD doesn't always ''trigger'' your brain might not associate the memories with anything. They just pop up casually like ''hi! I exist! U feel safe?? WELL NOW-'' It's annoying and distressing sometimes.

Even the color or shape of something might just quietly nudge your mind.. ''Oh hey here's this image'' there's not always telling were it comes from. It might just happen, because.

And it takes time to heal too, remembering is a part of healing. Remembering your past both good and bad. Some people don't heal from it though, and instead dive deeper and deeper into the misery. They feel more unsafe than they did before.