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thekingofthenameless · 2 months ago

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Is Arthur a character in TKN, and if he is, what kind of role does he play? I know Uther is the Villain King of the story, and I was curious on how you planned to portray Arthur, if at all? 👀

Thanks for the ask! :D

For reference, this is Uther’s appearance in TKN!

He may look cool, but trust me, he’s not a good person at all.

He’s charming (superficially), lacking empathy and a sense of guilt, a pathological liar, inclined to psychologically manipulate, bold, impulsive, narcissistic, arrogant, inclined to violence…

The list goes on, and it’s because he’s a psychopath. The word is overused and misused, but I mean it in the (current) true definition. It can be caused by “genetic and environmental issues, such as neglect or abuse by parental figures”, from Wikipedia’s article covering it.

A few risk factors are also “family history, parental neglect, abuse, or psychological manipulation of the affected child”. And depending on how I characterize his father, Constantine (The Third possibly, but idk lol), he could’ve been a sweetheart who was abused into becoming a monster, or he was the monster all along.

Either way, he destroys everyone around him, intentionally or not. He harbors secret hate towards Merlin and Charlie, because neither of them are like him at all, besides both being blatantly magic.

Realizing there’s so much I haven’t thought about…

Back in Daylight’s Redemption: Emerald Embers, Merlin had been living at Camelot for 100 years when the story started (separated from Charlie at that point; I’ll say more about that in a different post). The order of the kings I had was Vortigern, Constantine, Uther, and Arthur. Vortigern is the only one who isn’t explicitly related to them, but he was who I was going with.

The order of the kings still makes sense to me? But I don’t know how long Merlin and Charlie would’ve been living at Camelot before “present day”. T_T

Anyways, Uther is a sun coded character, like Merlin is subtly moon coded with his earrings!

Camelot has the sun as its insignia, making Merlin’s moon motifs seem like he’s rebelling against the royals’ authority. (He is. Secretly.)

Merlin actually had moon motifs back in Daylight's Redemption, to match Morgana! But when I started The King of the Nameless, I wasn't sure who the brutal sun character would be for a while, since at the "beginning" of the story, Morgana isn't even alive yet. And of course, she isn't the Morgana from Tales of Arcadia. (I'll talk more about her later.) Ignore the tag for Morgana lol; that's for ToA's version, not mine.

Finaly had a stroke of genius and decided it would be Uther! That was before he'd been designed lol, so now that he was going to have that coding, I wanted to finally give him one.

It was... difficult. He was being a bitch to design along with just. being a bitch in general. Forgot he was supposed to be 25, so I kept making dudes in their 40s in the game Dragon's Dogma, and I also couldn't decide if I wanted him to be handsome or ugly. To past me, “the first option would show that evil people can be handsome too, but I don't still don’t want people simping for him. The second option might make it unintentionally seem like 'Oh of course he’s evil! He’s ugly!’”

Made a poll asking if I should make him handsome or ugly, and handsome won! After that, I think I finally gave up and commissioned Merlin's first artist, using some references at the bottom of the post.

That's how his design finally came to be!

Then after that, his backstory that I really need to update at some point went through multiple revisions.

Idea 1: Listened to “Monster” from Epic the Musical and thought of him not always being evil until his father died; (magically related, presumably) he saw his brother, Aurelius, who was the older brother and king at this point in time, struggling under the weight of the crown and blamed it on magic doing this. Then as he grew up with Merlin as one his mentors, he realized that Merlin was insane (read: mentally ill) and felt like he was losing him, and presumed his magic did it to him.

His brother died, and his feelings towards magic taking everything from him only increased. Logical solution is, of course, eradicating magic completely so no one else would get hurt because of it (and starting with murdering Merlin). I had no idea how that would fit in with Igraine.

I didn't want to retcon Uther’s character, but I also thought a kind character becoming a monster was peak. I had no idea who a different character could be though.

Idea 2: Constantine sucked ass and Merlin basically raised Uther, but the latter's biological father still managed to get into Uther’s head that Merlin was crazy. That cued the complicated feelings of not wanting the one who raised him to die, while also thinking he needed to be put out of his misery so he wouldn't suffer anymore, and the misguided offspring betrayal. Seemed like a tragic villain at this point, and once again couldn't figure out how to make Igraine fit. He also started planning the magical genocide behind Merlin’s back because he knew that Merlin would never agree, and his reasoning was that magic took his father and brother, and he wouldn’t let that happen to anyone else.

Idea 3: Make Aurelius the asshole brother to fit the previous two ideas. Or Uther was still an asshole and he was dead. Or he faked his death or something.

@danhengsbestie and I got mixed up while talking about the third idea, and she thought I meant make Uther good and Aurelius evil, but I meant keep Uther evil and Aurelius good. She liked his design and though he could be a good guy, and that I could give him a more heroic treatment. I disagreed because if you know what he did to Igraine (and Gorlois afterwards) in the Legends, then you know.

Made another poll. Uther won, so that's what I kept.

If anyone wants to hear more about Uther, and Igraine, Gorlois, and that whole situation, send me an ask? 👀 There's some dark things there so I'd put it in a separate post so people can avoid it if they need to. Also this is getting a bit long even without their designs and things...

Ending Uther's bit with this: something funny about Charlie’s personality changing is that at one point Uther hated him for “being like him (and he doesn’t realize it)” but now their personalities are vastly different lol.

Compared to Uther’s above traits, Charlie’s serious, brave, protective (of Merlin), compassionate (towards Merlin), as well as fierce but loving and loyal, who sometimes takes a little bit longer to care about people than Merlin due to personality differences. He'll readily state his opinions and start arguments without caring, as well as having no qualms about staring people down while gauging their personality and threat level. Was at first completely normal but is now Fucked Up too.

Arthur:

I... have no official design for this dude yet. But like in many of the Legends, he's the son of Uther and Igraine! He's also the older sister of Morgana.

These are just a few of his portrayals in media, in order: King Arthur by Charles Ernest Butler, N. C. Wyeth's title page illustration for The Boy's King Arthur (1922), The Sword in the Stone (1963), The Quest for Camelot, Once Upon A Time, Merlin (2008), and Tales of Arcadia.

These are a couple of beta designs I made before I realized I wanted him to look younger, like his father, and these are also from before Uther got designed lol.

I also made a couple of Picrews for him, but now when I look at them I'm like: "Why are you white."

Because this is the color swatch I picked directly from Morgana's skin, and while her original artist said she could be any race or gender I wanted since she was designed to be ambigious, I went with her being Greek after @honeyxmonkey suggested it!

Decided to attempt another design for him while making this post, and I'm not set on it, but for now this is him lol.

I think he looks like Krel from Tales of Arcadia. 💀

Anyways, onto his portrayal!

Or former portrayal. Apparently most of this is not updated information. I'm so sorry to disappoint lol.

Some of this is a combination of Daylight’s Redemption and TKN content.

DR, January: I was thinking about Arthur struggling with trusting his magic his whole life because of Uther’s upbringing, in spite of Merlin and Morgana proving that magic can be good instead of doing an abrupt 180 as soon as Guinevere dies. Because most fics either have him hating magic the whole fic regardless of logical timelines, or have the 180, but I was thinking the struggle would be interesting because it contrasted Gwen, who’s loved magic her whole life and he loves her, Merlin, and Morgana enough to keep trying to fight his father’s opinions drilled into.

Then it’s all thrown down the drain when Bellroc stabs him and the Order makes him the Green Knight.

And Gwen dying also pushed him over the edge of after all his trying and launching the genocide out of grief despite Merlin and Morgana’s pleas.

TKN, January: Despite me starting to change the newly titled writing into a book, Guinevere was still dead due to magical means, and Arthur still started the genocide out of grief.

February: I realized Merlin being more open with his emotions meant he actually told people about his visions, which made it even more gutwrenching when Merlin told Arthur about his vision of the latter committing the magical genocide, and he was so grief stricken he did it anyways because he felt like Uther was right about everything he taught him despite him being dead for years at this point.

March: He was going to be one of four of Merlin’s adopted kids: him, Guinevere, Morgana, and Mordred. Which is very weird compared to now, where Merlin only has Charlie as his adopted kid lol. I’ll elaborate more on him and Charlie in an ask @gaylightisminetocommand sent!

Arthur was adopted first because Uther was severely lacking as a father figure (to say the least). Guinevere came to Camelot every summer to hopefully become friends with Arthur because the two were betrothed (Swan Princess, anyone?). And they did bond pretty much immediately! Morgana was adopted because at that point, she also lived in Camelot, and Uther was just as amazing with her. Same with Mordred.

Currently: Something that will stay the same from my most recent version is Arthur being nicer than some portrayals, such as Once Upon A Time, where, according to the casting call, is “a good and just ruler who, beneath the surface, is a master manipulator who can carry a grudge to the grave, and maybe beyond. He harbors an eternal burning love for Guinevere that can lean toward being a bit... controlling.”, or Tales of Arcadia, where he enacts a magical genocide after Guinevere dies. (Back then, this was because of Merlin’s influence, but if that stays the same Merlin will be more of a mentor figure than a parental one.)

Also, Mordred is still going to be related to him, but he isn’t his son like the Legends. Especially not through his mother being Morgana (or Morgause depending on the version). They’re both Arthur’s half-sisters, and there won’t be any incest in TKN at all. Mordred also won’t bring around the end of Camelot lol. I think.

Also also, he’s a great older brother to Morgana, and he and Guinevere actually have a wholesome marriage! He never has any lovers besides her, and they rule Camelot as equals.

To apologize for the lack of information, I’m also going to yap about Guinevere and Morgana!

Guinevere:

I actually have more of a set design for her!

I could've SWORN she's usually blonde at first, so I made that design first, but most images I found depict her with brown hair. So now… I can’t decide if I like blonde or brunette better. 😭

Back in January, when I was first coming up with new ideas, I thought of Morgana being a teenager instead of a grown woman like usual, and at this point, she was the child produced by ahem. The if you know thing. Her being so much younger when Uther died and being the result of the Uther thing™️ instead of Arthur caused her a lot of insecurity, but Guinevere didn’t care about the circumstances of her birth because it wasn’t her fault, and basically became an older sister to her. When she died, Morgana was shattered.

Debated on if I was going to keep her dead or not as I went through more revisions, and finally decided not to :] She’s gonna live!!!

Back when Merlin had four kids, I was debating on if he possibly would have three instead, since her just coming every summer might not be enough for him to be a dad to her. At the very least, they’d have been friends.

In her current version, she still loves Morgana, and she’s an older sister figure to her like before. And a line in God Games from Epic: the Musical applies to her: “Never once has he cheated on his wife”. The Lancelot affair destroying the round table doesn’t occur, and we love a loyal queen!

Morgana:

Like Merlin, she’s gone through a few design changes.

This was her first design! And I still think she looks cute :) It’s very different from her current one though lol.

This was way back when I first started TKN! I was thinking of inverting Arthur and Morgana’s usual designs, and making him have black hair, and her have blonde hair.

I’ll go through her ton of backstory changes like Merlin and Charlie first and reveal her design at the end!

As I said, originally, she was Uther’s daughter produced by that, a bastard child because Uther wasn’t married to her mother. He hated her because of it, even though it was the consequences of his own actions.

In the og Arthurian Legends, the result was Arthur, but I forgot which sibling it was, so I had to Google it, and I also wanted Morgana angst. Uther also treated her like shit for having magic; she was eight when it first started.

He only let Merlin train her in magic so she wouldn’t become a monster, but unbeknownst to them, he was secretly sending assassins in attempts to rid himself of her (and he might have done it to Merlin too).

Also I wasn’t very smart lol, because then I couldn’t decide if she or Arthur was going to be Igraine’s child but… in Arthurian Legends they’re both her kids. I thought they were half-siblings through Uther, not her. That’s part of why Morgana was the bastard child first, but then I couldn’t decide which one it was going to be, and apparently. I didn’t have to and I’m just stupid.

Like how I forgot Arthur was the original child by Uther in the Legends. 😭 But in my defense, I may have been thinking of BBC Merlin where they were actually half-siblings through Uther.

After my realization, I was thinking about how Merlin would become Morgana’s surrogate father because of her being Igraine and Gorlois’ daughter, and Uther wouldn’t have any claim to take her to Camelot that way; so maybe they would actually die of old age later on, and then she was taken to Camelot. (Uther was possibly still alive because he was forcing Merlin to keep him immortal. Idk. Or Arthur and Gwen were ruling Camelot by then and he wantsd to take in the half-sister he’s never met.) So anyways, she latched onto Merlin because he was nice just like her parents were, and he was magic just like her, and as much as her parents had loved her, they had never known what it was to be magic in a world that hated you.

But then @danhengsbestie said killing them off was rude lol.

Then I thought that maybe actually she could start coming to Camelot every summer or something so Merlin could teach her magic. And then she has three parents.

When Guinevere dies, she and Arthur were both heartbroken, and her grief got even worse when Arthur launched the genocide against magical beings despite her and Merlin’s pleas.

She couldn’t take being in the castle after Gwen’s funeral, and she goes out to the forest, where my equivalent of the Arcane Order at this point found her.

“Nari” sensed her soul and how much pain she was in, and they decide that her grief and young age makes her a prime target for them.

They easily manipulate her into being their pawn, and the “fight” between Merlin and her was him getting her to stand down after he tells her who they truly are.

But no one else was taking her unintentional betrayal well…

Well, that was wild. It’s gonna get even worse with Merlin and Charlie’s post lollll.

Another idea I had was Morgana getting a prosthetic arm later, like how ToA Morgana got the prosthetic hand.

And a day later, I found an adoptable that I decided was perfect! I was so glad they (designed to be an ambiguous gender as well as race lol) were still available, because I would’ve been crushed. 😭 I couldn’t believe nobody had snagged them.

They didn’t have a name either when I got them lol, but I saw them and I was like “Ohh that’s beautiful!! WAIT THAT WOULD BE A PERFECT MORGANA DESIGN”

I thought it was hilarious that I had the idea for her to have a prosthetic arm and then not even a day later bam. art.

I still have to figure out how she loses her arm and part of her left ear, along with getting the scars on her face.

The one thing that’s stayed consistent about her is being a lesbian! :D Like ToA’s is.

Back when Uther was still her stepfather, I had an idea for him being so despicable that he yelled at Morgana after she lost her arm for being that “careless” when she’d just woken up at Camelot after passing out from the blood loss and being bandaged up. Yeah that definitely won’t happen now.

I wasn’t actually going to make her Greek at first, but when I was making a reference sheet for her, her skin color came out as various shades of brown when I used a color picker tool. Before, I thought she was white because of the lighting. I thought it was my mistake, so I asked her original artist if he had a possible race for her, and he said I could decide.

Like I said, @honeyxmonkey suggested her being Greek after saying she looked vaguely Latina lol, and I ran with it! I also made a few Picrews of her during the figuring out her race part, and you can see how she changed! The third one is actually still a little bit lighter than her color swatch lol.

Oh also, she gets a familiar eventually! :D Her name is Willa!

Since Charlie is one of the biggest animal familiars currently existing, she’ll definitely be smaller than him, but other than that I don’t have a current size for her lol.

Artist credits: Soberana Art (on Artstation) MuriWorks (on DeviantArt), inn13art (on DeviantArt)

Picrew credits: brightgoat, romanapologist/hotvanilla, baydews

Links to their individual posts, if applicable: Uther reveal, Original Uther concepts, Uther design poll, Uther moral alignment poll, Original character, (1, 2,) Young Arthas Menethil, 3rd Uther reference), King Arthur, N. C. Wyeth's illustration, The Sword in the Stone Arthur, The Quest for Camelot Arthur, Once Upon A Time Arthur, BBC Arthur, ToA Arthur, ADOPTABLE - Machine Amongst the Flowers (on DeviantArt) Willa (on DeviantArt). (also a few more links throughout the post lol)

Taglist: @gaylightisminetocommand, @the-arson-author-gamer, @honeyxmonkey, @danhengsbestie, @falki-of-the-vanir

#asks #honeyxmonkey #the king of the nameless #tkn q&a #tkn asks #tkn lore #tkn development #tkn character designs #my ocs #uther pendragon #arthur pendragon #guinevere pendragon #morgana le fay #tkn morgana #willa le fay #long posts

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canarias-stuff · 5 months ago

Text

Phases of Love / Kuroo Tetsurou X Fem!Reader - Chapter 3

Summary:

They lower the net by Coach Nekomata’s request, and Kuroo doesn’t lose time going near it, but this time he doesn't go alone, you go there too. You throw your initial self-consciousness aside and starts jumping to get the ball, it’s a trial and error process, you can feel your fingers grinding on the ball, you can see Kuroo trying to jump as high as he can, and when you and Kuroo finally spikes the ball to the other side of the net, you knew that you would never forget that feeling.

Just like you would never forget the smile that appeared on Tetsurou's lips.

Author's note:

It took sometime, but I finished the chapter! It's longer than the other 2 too!^^ So, I hope that you have fun!^^

Tags: Romance; Eventual romance; Slow Burn; cross posted Ao3.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Elementary School

You were right, Kuroo Tetsurou is cute in several senses of the word.

He is a cute kid in appearance. He is taller than other kids their age, has chubby cheeks, big and sparkling hazel eyes, and then, there’s the bed head hair.

You can’t stop yourself from asking him about his hair when he finally sits at the end of Kenma’s bed still holding the volleyball.

“(y/n)...” Kenma’s voice sounds like he is trying to warn you, to be mindful of your words (he wouldn’t admit that his first thought of Kuroo was how funny his hair was), but you are too curious.

Kuroo doesn’t seem to be offended by the question.

“It’s…natural.” He answers sincerely.

“What?!” And this time, even Kenma looks surprised.

A few months later you would learn that the hairstyle was a result of the way he kept his head between the pillows (a bad habit of his), but this is just months later.

…

After that day, you become friends with Kuroo too.

The less shy he becomes around you and Kenma, the easier it is to talk and interact with him. He laughs, and you can’t stop yourself from laughing at his hyena-like laugh. He yells while running after you and Kenma, he yells when he tosses the volleyball or tries a spike and fails, and yells when he loses or wins a round of games.

“You’re loud, Kuro.” Kenma says an afternoon, when the three of you are sitting on the grass, looking at the orange sky.

You look at the youngest boy, curious at the slightly different way that he calls the older one. A nickname , you think surprised and happy that Kenma was leaving his shell one step at a time.

“I’m not!” Kuroo retorted, not realizing that he wasn’t Kuroo anymore, but just Kuro.

“You are.” He insisted.

“I’m not!

“You are.”

And you smiled fondly at the two, because it looks like Kenma wasn’t the only one leaving his shell.

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“Yes, you are Tetsu .” You say, giving him a nickname too, because (in your childlike brain) there’s no way that you are the only one that would stick with “Kuroo” or “Kuroo-kun”. There’s just no way that you would be left aside from this small group of friends.

This time, he blushes, realizing that you changed the way that you call him.

Kuroo Tetsurou's reactions are cute, be it when he is excited, gets complimented, and especially when he gets embarrassed.

“I’m not!”

…

Golden, hazel and (e/c) stare at the broken flower vase on the floor of your mother garden.

“I told you it was a bad idea.” Kenma is the first one to open his mouth after you accidentally knocked the vase with the volleyball.

“B-but I really thought that I was getting better at receiving the ball…” You try to justify the reason why you choose to play volleyball in your garden instead of the riverbank.

“W-what should we do?” Kuroo asked, slightly panicked. It was the first time that he got involved in trouble since arriving in that neighborhood, and he really, really, didn’t want to get scolded.

“Glue! I need glue!” You suddenly say. “I just need to put the vase together before mom comes back.”

Kenma stares at you with a frown, and Kuroo looks at you as if you are a genius.

“That’s…”

But the bed-head boy cuts the other boy.

“...a good idea!”

“No…really, we should just…”

“Okay! I will get the glue!” But Kenma’s words fall to deaf ears as you go inside your house to find the sticky material.

“...apologize…”

When your mother comes back, the three of you get scolded not only for breaking the vase but also for trying something as dangerous as to glue pieces of glass.

That day, Tetsurou finds out that you are a troublemaker, and Kenma is the voice of reason. Does it make him reconsider your friendship? Absolutely not. It just makes him think that everyday would be an adventure.

…

“Hey…why don’t you find better people to play with?” Kenma asks when they decided to go back home. “Playing volleyball with newbies like me and (y/n) has to be boring…”

“Hey!” You exclaimed, slightly offended. “I’m not so bad at it!”

“Nope! Nuh-uh! Playing with you isn’t boring at all!” Tetsurou denied it, shaking his head. “You two learn it quickly and are super smart!”

You couldn’t stop sending your best smug smile in Kenma’s direction, who just rolled his eyes.

“Oh…really…?” The youngest one of you said.

There was a short pause before Tetsurou continued.

“Actually...I played in a team before…” He says, staring at the ball in his hands. “But then I had to move.”

“Oh…hummm, but I think you could find more people to play with here, if you looked.” The younger boy commented, but judging by the other silence, Kuroo didn’t really want to, and neither Kenma nor you couldn't blame him, because neither of you wouldn’t want to do it either.

“H-hey!” The black haired exclaimed, surprising you both. “Do you have free time this saturday?”

…

“A gymnasium?” You muttered, staring at the big building.

It’s the place that Kuroo decides to bring you and Kenma along on that sunny saturday morning.

“You ready? Cause here we go!” Kuroo says excited, but there is still some uncertainty there. “I meant it! We're gonna go there right now!”

“Then go.” Kenma replies dryly.

Thump. Bamm. Baf. Bomm.

It’s loud. There were a lot of people and volley balls. Some volley balls almost hit you (you and Kenma flinched with the force), but Kuroo's eyes were sparkling, and instantly you knew that that boy found a refuge in the middle of a place that he barely knew.

An adult approached you three, and with a smile, invited you to play together. Kuroo doesn’t need another invitation, he is already running to the middle of the court, Kenma declines, he prefers watching people play, and you…you decided to stay with your younger friend, because you don’t see any girl and suddenly you feel self conscious.

Kuroo plays with the beginners while you and Kenma look around. The older kids are training in a different area, and you are really impressed by them.

“That over there.” Kenma says, pulling the sleeve of your shirt to draw you attention. “That looks cool.”

“What?” And you turn your head to look at whatever caught Kenma’s attention.

BAMM.

The boy’s hand slaps the ball, and it goes to the other side of the court. It’s really cool.

“Ooh!” Kuroo approaches you two again with a big smile. “That is spiking! It’s super cool!”

“Why don’t we do that?” Kenma asks, and you are surprised that your younger friend is actually showing some interest in volleyball.

“But you can only do stuff like that if you’re really tall.” Tetsurou answers.

“I can see on your face that you want to try, Tetsu.” You comment, and his face goes red.

“W-well that…”

“Oh? So why don’t we lower the net then?”

And you three turn in the direction that the new voice came from.

“Oh! Hey, Coach Nekomata!” The instructor that was playing with the beginners exclaimed, approaching the short old man that just showed up from behind you three.

“The first and most important lesson to teach is how fun it is to succeed at something.” The old coach, Nekomata, continues as the three of you keep looking at him, not really sure with who he is talking to.

“It’s been a while, sir! I didn’t know that you were coming.”

“I just happened to be passing by today, that's all.” He smiles.

Coach Nekomata? You wonder if he was also a volleyball teacher.

“Do what you love, and success will come.” Nekomata says, and you are almost sure that he took a look at the three of you. “Have you heard that saying?”

And something inside you stirs hearing that.

Just like you would never forget the smile that appeared on Tetsurou's lips.

…

After that day you can see how volleyball grows on Kuroo, and as much as you would deny it, it did to you too, but the volleyball neighborhood association has only a boy’s volleyball team (there wasn’t any girls playing aside from you) so Kuroo is the only one who actually plays on a team, you can only go there and train tosses and receives.

“Aren’t you upset?” Kenma asks once, joining you on your train, while Kuroo plays with other boys.

“Why?” You tilt your head holding the ball.

“I mean…you can’t play in a team…”

You hummed, pondering the question.

“Yes, but I can see Tetsu’s smile, so it’s okay.”

Kenma stares at you like you grew another head, and really, you can’t see any problem with your answer, because it was true that you were happy for Tetsurou.

…

Eventually summer vacations end, and the time that you can spend together is cut to half (it also means that the chances to get in trouble decrease). It’s the start of the second week of august and the three of you have to return to school, at least you all attend the same elementary school, but Kenma is one year younger, and you and Kuroo are in different classes (or so you found out when you help Kuroo find the school board’s room).

Tetsurou doesn’t look as nervous as you thought that he would be, actually, that morning, Kenma looked 10 times worse, but could you blame him? Kenma wasn’t exactly the best with people, he didn’t even want to interact with other people, but still, you knew that he was concerned at how people view him.

“Are you okay?” You ask, tilting your head a little bit to take a good look at the black haired boy’s face. Because right now, even if you were worried about Kenma, you were also worried about your new friend.

“...yeah…” Kuroo answers, but you can feel some insecurity in his tone.

“Don’t lie, Tetsu!” You point a finger at him.

“Hahh?!” He immediately reacts, stops walking and turns to look at you. “I-I’m not lying, (y/n)!”

“You are lying again!”

“I’m not!”

“You are!”

“I’m not!”

“Yes, you are!”

You stare at each other, hazel eyes glaring at the direction of your (e/c) eyes and vice versa, and then…

“Pfftt.”

You can’t hold your laugh, and neither can he.

The other children passing by stare at you two weirdly and with arched eyebrows, wondering what was so funny.

“Thanks.” Kuroo says as soon as his laugh dies.

“No problem!” You grins.

…

As expected, Kuroo fits well with his new classmates, you could even say that he becomes kind of popular among boys and girls from school. But by the end of the day, the three of you would walk together to get home, retelling fun facts of your day (in Kenma’s case he would gladly ignore you two to play his game) and sometimes stopping to get ice cream at a convenience store.

The three of you would still go to each other's houses or play volleyball by the riverbank together because neither of Kuroo’s new volleyball teammates lives nearby, so your bond gets stronger day by day, and you start to understand how each other works.

…

“THERE! DID YOU SEE?!”

Kenma is the type who speaks low, it’s really rare to see him so excited about something that’s not a video game, so you almost fall from your place in his bed when he cries.

“Hum?” You say trying to suppress a yawn.

“What?” Kuroo blinks, eyes focusing on the TV.

Tetsurou brings videos of professional volleyball matches to watch together, for an hour or two, you can say that you and Kuroo are excited to see it, but after three or four hours you both are almost sleeping. Kenma is the only one who doesn’t nod off while watching game after game, on the contrary, he is the one who gets excited. Like now.

“He looked over to the right for just a second, making you think he’d set it there, but then he put it to the left!” The younger boy points.

“Is t-that so?” You say, but honestly you can’t really see such a thing.

“Ugh…come on, that’s enough watching games!” Tetsurou grumbles. “Let’s go outside and play one!”

“You were the one who brought those DVD’s though.” You commented, and this time he doesn’t have a good comeback.

“Oh…speaking of…” Kenma suddenly says, pausing the video and turning to Kuroo. “Remember the one you brought last week? Bring that one again.”

“Hum?!” Tetsurou and you exclaimed.

Oh no! Okay, you and Kuroo like volleyball, but you don’t want to rewatch hours of the same game again. You turn to Tetsurou, eyes begging for him to change subjects, begging him to find something to distract Kenma.

“Kenma!” And Kurro seems to get the message. “I really think that you should be a setter! It’s really cool! You get to be…like…the mastermind and stuff!”

What is stuff? You wonder, but who cares? Kenma already looks distracted.

“Not only that, setters don’t have to move around too much either! It’s a super awesome position!” The bed-head boy continues.

Lies. You know for sure that Tetsurou is saying that just because he wants Kenma to join the team so they can play together.

But the “I’m considering this now” face that Kenma is making is just so funny, that you can’t suppress your laughs.

“What?” They both ask.

“Nothing!” You giggled. “Come on! Let’s go play outside!”

“Let’s go!” Tetsurou beams.

“Ehhh…really?” But Kenma is not as excited.

The next time that you go to the gymnasium, Kenma, for the first time, play volleyball with other children that are not you (and join the team), and you can’t hide the prideful expression on your face

…

Sometimes after school, Kuroo goes out with some classmates to play football. On those days, you and Kenma decide to stay indoors, playing video games, because you don’t really like the sport and your younger friend definitely isn’t the type to run after a ball (except for volleyball, because if he really hated it, Kenma would have said something already).

But Kenma’s father wanted to see his son go outside.

“Tetsurou-kun.” He called.

Said boy stopped, and his friends went ahead.

“Yes, Uncle Kozume?”

You and Kenma are going down the stairs to get some snacks when you hear the conversation, and for some reason, both of you stopped to hear it.

“Say, do you mind taking Kenma and (y/n) with you to play football sometime?”

There’s a pause, and you exchange a look with Kenma.

“But I don’t think that they want to go, sir.” Comes the answer, and Tetsurou really sounds like he gave a lot of thought to that. “I understand not wanting to go out sometimes. If they want to go even a little, I’ll definitely invite Kenma and (y/n), but right now, I don’t think they want at all.”

Oh. You were caught off guard. Tetsurou knows you and Kenma for less than 2 months, but he does understand how you two feel.

“When Kenma wants to do something, he tries as hard as he can, though. So I don’t think you have to worry Uncle.”

“Ah, okay.” The older man accepts with a slightly surprised expression.

Kenma has a small smile on his lips too.

“And (y/n)...” Tetsurou continues, and you wonder what his thoughts are about you. “...well, she hates football, so I take back what I said. I won’t invite her at all. Also, she is really bad at it.”

“Hahhh?!” You yell, startling everyone. “Say it again!”

That day, Tetsurou didn't play football, he played hide and seek.

Ao3 Link

#haikyuu #ao3 #fluffy #fanfic #romance #kuroo tetsuro x reader #female reader #kuroo tetsurou #reader #kuroo x reader #nekoma #kozume kenma #slow burn

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inception-bigbang · 8 months ago

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Inception Big Bang 2024

Schedule/Rules/Guidelines/FAQ

Sign-ups May 13-20 Author summaries due May 29 Artist claims start June 1 Pairing announcement June 15 First check-in July 1 Second check-in July 15 Posting date July 31 August 11

A Big Bang is a fandom event where authors and artists work together on a two-part project. When signing-up, authors submit a summary of the fic they’ll be working on during the event, as well as the rating and relevant tags. Fics are later claimed by artists during two rounds (if needed) of fic claims.

(Details below the break)

For authors:

Your final piece should be:

an Inception fanfic

written for the Big Bang (no reposting of old works)

at least 1500 words

Other than that, we are open to all ships and gen stories!

IMPORTANT: During sign-ups and fic claims the authors are anonymous. This keeps things fun! We want artists to choose based on the fics alone. Don’t make posts that give away which fic is yours. After claims talk to your artist! Keep each other updated - the best thing about a fandom Bang is working with each other!

Frequently asked questions of authors:

1. How much do I need to write before signing-up?

We recommend writing a summary of your story, the rating, and a couple relevant tags. Remember, what you submit is what we send to the artists! Make it easy to understand your story.

2. Can I change my mind about my submission?

Before fic claims you can send us updates or even send us a different story altogether. All’s fair.

After fic claims, any big changes should be discussed with your artist. You cannot change the rating from G, T or M into explicit. If you believe your fic might go down that road submit the tag before fic claims.

3. Can my fic be a crossover?

Sure!

4. Can it be a continuation of an older work?

Yes, as long the original fic’s name is not included on new piece and the part submitted for the Big Bang has never been shared anywhere else before. Big Bang projects are secret until the reveal date.

5. Can it be OT3 / Major Character Death / Kink ?

Sure! Just keep in mind that the more specific your work is, the harder it may be for one of our artists to connect with it. This is true for anything you may come up with - crossovers, PWPs, squeamish themes, you name it. We encourage creativity! But use the appropriate tags when you send us your summary and consider being flexible if our artists might have a hard time with that one.

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Nope!

7. Is there the possibility of my fic not being claimed?

We work with artists interested in all different kinds of fics! We also have very cool and open-minded pinch-hitters. In our recent years all fics were claimed.

That being said, yes, there is the possibility. It ties back into the OT3 / major character death / kink topic – the more specific your work is, the harder it may be for our artists to connect with it. Also, the harder it may be to actually depict the story. Be considerate of our artists when picking the fic to submit for the Big Bang.

8. Can I sign up as both author and artist?

Of course! Just make sure you have the time and resources available to fulfill all the roles you choose!

For artists:

You will be choosing one (or more!) fics to make art for. Between fic claims and the final posting date you and your author will have one and a half months to work on your collaboration.

Your piece should be:

Art drawn or painted, including digital art

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If you want to create something we haven’t mentioned here, check in with us first, but chances are you’re fine. As long as it's something you can submit within the deadline it’s fair game.

Frequently asked questions of artists:

How do claims work?

We will make an anonymized master post of all the story summaries available for the Big Bang. To make claims on them, send us an email with your top 3 picks. Fic claims happen on a first come first served basis so try to respond as soon as you can. If needed, we will have a second round of claims.

2. I'd really like to participate but I'm not sure of my availability - can I still sign-up as an artist pinch-hitter?

Absolutely! We can always use an extra help. If you sign-up (only) as a pinch-hitter we will contact you after both rounds of fic claims, or later in the event if we’re needing back-up.

3. Can I sign-up as both artist and author?

Of course! Just make sure you have the time and resources available to fulfill all the roles you choose!

Most asked question for everyone! XD

Panic time, I won’t be able to make the deadline! What now?

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We can work out extensions, or if you can’t complete your piece, we can talk to pinch-hitters. It’s okay, really, as long as you let us know what's up!

#inception #inception big bang #inception big bang 2024

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sp00kycrumpet · 1 year ago

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When Our Paths Cross Again. (Final).

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Rating: E

Tags: Soft!Joel; pre-outbeak up till end of Season 1; no use of y/n; sometimes Ellie is the adult in the situation

Warnings: swearing; character death; spoilers (if you haven't watched the series/played the game)

Word count; 9,227 out of 22,020

Will also be posted on my AO3

Part One. Part Two.

Thank you so much for reading this fic. It's my first finished TLOU fic (I have a bunch more to finish and post) I hope you enjoyed it 🥺 Feel free to drop a message if you have ideas or just wanna chat! 🖤 On to the finale!!

At the house, you took the main bathroom while Ellie was in a guest room. You were almost tempted to stay under the hot water for hours, finally feeling clean and refreshing. Finally able to not have your hair tied back and knotty, finally shave your legs and have a moment to feel human again. Now clean, you could see bruising from your escapades and sleeping on rocks but it was nice to not feel grimy and smelly. You got changed into the clothes Maria left out for you and headed downstairs, finding Ellie standing in the living room.

"Hey, I knew there was a girl somewhere under that dirt." You teased as she glanced at you, she gave a little smile before glancing back at the chimney breast. Your eyes followed her eyeline and saw the little memory board for Sarah and who you assumed was Maria's son. You opened your mouth when you heard Maria come back into the house.

"I traded to get you both new coats. They might be a little big but, they're good." She handed them over, Ellie moaning about the colour as you nudged her and thanked Maria. Ellie was still on guard with the woman as she tried to make small talk, eventually convincing Ellie to let Maria cut her hair while you excused yourself to go for a walk, promising Ellie you'd be back soon. You just wanted to see the place for yourself and be in your own company for a moment. You shivered a little, your hair still damp but it was nice to feel clean. As you walked through town, a few people passing said hello like you'd always been there. In the middle of town, you found a crowd of people around a Christmas tree that had been recently put up and covered in décor clearly made by everyone and their children. You smiled softly when movement to your left caught your attention. Joel came storming out of the bar, pausing by a streetlamp and leaning on it as a hand clutched his chest. The same as the other morning outside of the cabin. You headed straight over to him as he stood up, his eyes distant as he watched someone.

"Joel?" You said his name softly as you placed a hand on his back, he jumped a little and looked at you. A soft look on his face as he glanced back where he'd been looking. Turning you saw her. A young lady who looked the spitting image of Sarah, except obviously older. You looked back at Joel and recognised the look on his face and the shine of unshed tears in his eyes. You reached up to cup his face in one hand, gently rubbing his cheekbone with your thumb. He leaned into your touch as you wordlessly stood together and comforted him. You stepped closer and pulled him against you, hugging him. He resisted at first but just melted into your embrace, resting his cheek against your head as he took a few breaths.

"You smell nice." He teased lightly as you smiled and looked up. There was a hint of a smile on his face and you melted how it looked on his face, resisting the intrusive thought of kissing him right there.

"Finally showered. A miracle, right?" Joel shook his head a little as he finally let go of you and stood up straight. "I'm heading back to Maria's to get Ellie if you want to come? You could shower too, it feels so nice to be warm and clean." You said softly, Joel shaking his head.

"I gotta do somethin' and I just need a moment alone. I'll come by later." You frowned softly and brushed a hand through his hair.

"Don't get lost in that head of yours Joel. I'm here with you, okay?" Joel nodded a little, stepping back and turning to head through town. Your eyes glued to him as he left. You shook your head and turned to go back to Maria's. You bumped into her and Ellie at the front door.

"There's a movie showing in the town hall in about ten minutes, you two wanna come?" Maria offered, you smiled softly.

"Sounds fun."

---

As you walked through town, Maria pointed out the house you'd be staying in and handed you the keys, explaining Tommy would show Joel where it was once they were done. You thanked her and slid your arm around Ellies shoulders as you walked, the girl still tense and frustrated but she let you be physically affectionate with her. The town hall was packed with people, Ellie squeezing into one of the last empty seats as a movie played on a projector from the back. You hung to the side with Maria, smiling softly as The Goodbye Girl played out in front of you.

"This was one of my mom's favourite movies. I've seen it too many times to count." You whispered to Maria who smiled softly and nodded.

"Mine too. That's why I suggested it for tonight's movie night. It would have been my mom's birthday in a few days." You smiled at her, wrapping your arms around yourself as you turned your attention back to the screen. Once the movie ended, people hung around chatting and getting their kids ready to head home. You realised Ellie wasn't in her seat, panic gripped you as you frantically scanned the room and called her name a few times. You squeezed through the crowd to do a lap but still couldn't find her. You cursed under your breath and headed out the front door, checking every person you passed until you found her sat on a bench.

"Ellie. You scared the shit out of me then." You exhaled, moving to stand in front of her.

"Sorry." She muttered. "I went for a walk." You frowned and crouched in front of her, your forearms resting gently on her knees.

"What's wrong?" She shook her head, wrinkling her nose a little.

"Can we just go to the house now? I'm tired." You nodded and stood up, Ellie joining you as you walked in silence towards the house Maria had pointed out. Something was bothering the girl but you knew better than to push. She really was just like Joel.

Once inside the house, the two of you had a quick look around before you found a bedroom for Ellie to stay in. A comfortable looking single bed and clothes from a young previous resident. You hugged her tightly and bid her good night. Ellie just quietly repeating it before closing the door after you left. You padded around the house, feeling a little strange at being in a house after the desolate apartments of the city or sleeping in caves. It was sparsely furnished with a brown couch in the center of the living room, a bookshelf on one side had a couple of well worn books on it - some of the titles barely visible from years of being handled or sunbleached. It was warm, cosy. You'd be happy to stay forever, you found yourself wondering if you could convince Joel and Ellie to stay a little while before continuing, maybe even come back here after the Fireflies did what they needed to. You made yourself a coffee, tipping the last of your whisky into it to help yourself sleep. You changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt you'd found in the main bedroom and got comfortable on the sofa with a blanket draped over you. At some point you dozed off, waking up when you heard the front door. You froze, listening before you realised it was Joel. You sank back into the pillows again and closed your eyes, his footsteps got closer before he paused. Then the blanket got pulled up over you properly before his footsteps disappeared upstairs. You smiled to yourself and settled comfortably, listening as you could hear the soft noise of him talking to Ellie. You almost drifted off again when you heard them get louder suddenly. Arguing. You got up and headed upstairs, pausing by the door as you heard them.

"So don't tell me I'd be safer with someone else cause the truth is I'd just be more scared." Ellie said, your heart dropping as you wondered what was going on with them. The silence was deafening for a moment.

"You're right. You're not my daughter and I sure as hell aint your dad. Now come dawn. We go our separate ways." The door opened and Joel walked out, slamming it behind him. He never saw you stood at the top of the stairs as he stalked through to the bedroom. You bit your lower lip and waited before knocking on Ellie's door.

"Fuck off." She answered, muffled. You sighed softly.

"Ellie it's me. Can I come in?" When she didn't answer, you pushed the door open and found her sat on the window seat, forehead against the window as she cried. You headed over and sat beside her, quiet. You offered your hand and she responded by throwing herself into your arms, burying her face against your chest. You gently ran your fingers through her hair as you let her cry it out. You couldn't understand what had happened and you wanted her to tell you when she felt comfortable. After a few moments she sat back, her eyes filled with anger and hurt.

"He's palming me off to Tommy. Saying I'd be safer with him. I don't get it. We came all this way, been through so much and he still thinks of me as just a package?" She sighed. You shook your head, reaching out to pull Ellie against you, her back against your chest as you held onto her.

"Joel… avoids attachments. He's lost a lot of people and he just thinks he can protect himself by pushing everyone away. But he just hurts himself and everyone else instead." You muttered softly as Ellie's breathing eventually slowed from her hysterics.

"When I went for a walk during the movie, I overheard him talking with Tommy. He told him everything. Saying he can't do it." You sighed quietly as you hugged her.

"Despite what he just said, Joel does care about you. And that's what scares him the most. Because if he cares and something happens to you, he'll never forgive himself."

"But I'm not Sarah. And we've made it this far, why give up now? It just doesn't make sense." You frowned softly.

"How did you know about Sarah?"

"Maria let it slip when you went out. She didn't tell me much but tried to use it to make me not trust Joel." You hummed quietly.

"Sarah died on outbreak day while Joel and Tommy were trying to escape. From what Joel told me, she died in his arms after getting shot by an asshole from FEDRA. He may have just said you aren't his daughter, but I can see how he looks at you, talks to you and treats you. He cares about you so much that I think it reminds him of Sarah and that's why he can be an asshole. Because he's scared to let you close and lose you." Ellie huffed out a sigh, leaning her head back to look up at you.

"But I'm not her. He can't assume the worst in everything." You smiled softly, brushing your fingers through her hair.

"We know that. Joel has a lot of emotional scars and he hides behind them. But now and then I see the man I met all those years ago, and I know he's in there. We just need to be patient." Ellie shrugged a little.

"No time left if he's making me go with Tommy." She muttered.

"I'll talk to him. Okay?" She shrugged a little, leaning against you again. You sat with Ellie for a little while, until you could feel her relaxing and eventually dozing off. You scooped her up and carefully put her into bed, tucking her in before you headed out. You took a moment before heading to the bedroom, you knocked gently before pushing the door open. Joel sat on the edge of the bed, eyes staring out of the window as he got lost in his thoughts. You moved to sit beside him quietly, his eyes flickering to you before back out of the window.

"You okay?" You ask tentatively, Joel just glanced at you again before sighing.

"I can't do it. I'll get her killed." He finally said after a few beats of silence.

"What? Joel you made it here without getting her killed. Why would it suddenly change now?" Joel sighed, running a hand through his messy curls.

"Because I'm strugglin'. Outside the cabin, it wasn't the cold. It was a panic attack. I felt like my heart was goin' to explode and my body felt like it was vibratin' on high alert. It happened again when you found me in the town square. I'm gettin' too old for this, I can't protect her. She already had to protect me. That damn dog coulda ripped her to pieces and I just couldn't move or do anythin'." You tilted your head slightly as you listened to him, you reached a hand up to gently turn his head so he would look at you.

"You're just scared Joel. You found your brother and he's building a new life. You see Sarah in Ellie and I can tell because I've seen it too. You try to protect yourself by pushing people away but it's not the answer anymore. She needs you." Joel sighed again, he's not frowning anymore. He looked tired and scared. "I know you. You're dealing with a lot of loss and things you don't want to think or talk about. But Ellie is different. She adores you and you adore her. When I see you two together, it takes me back to the restaurant and seeing you and Sarah at that same table you had every time. It's nice. Don't shut yourself off to love because of fear, okay?" You smiled at him and he nodded slightly, exhaling slowly as his shoulders slumped slightly.

"I was pretty harsh with her earlier." You nodded and dropped your hand to squeeze his gently.

"She was really upset. But you two can talk it out in the morning. Take her yourself, she'll appreciate that." Joel's jaw tensed slightly as he thought it over, curling his fingers gently around yours as he did.

"Thank you." He said softly, lifting his gaze to yours as you gave a small smile.

"Any time. Oh and also, you're not too old for shit. You're only in your fifties." You nudged him with a smile, Joel snorting softly and shaking his head.

You sat talking for a while with him, making a plan for how the next part of the journey would go. He wanted you to stay here, keep an eye on things and it would give them more of a reason to come back. Something in his eyes told you he meant more for himself than Ellie but you didn't comment on it. You argued for a bit but eventually gave in and agreed to stay, telling him he'd have to explain to Ellie why. He agreed and seemed to relax a bit more. At some point you must have fallen asleep because the next thing you knew it, there was sunlight streaming across your face and waking you up. You shifted slightly, realising you were laid on the bed but more importantly there was a weight on your waist. Joel had an arm draped over you, you could feel the gentle puff of his breath against the back of your beck and the warmth coming from him. You smiled to yourself and allowed yourself a few moments to indulge in this. You reached to gently pry his arm from around you so you could get up, but he seemingly noticed and tightened his grip on you, pulling you closer. You smiled to yourself, moving your hand to gently run your fingers over his forearm. Joel stirred, a mumble under his breath but his eyes remained closed as his fingers flexed under your touch. It seemed out of character but also reminded you of the old Joel. Every time you met up there'd be little shows of physical affection, hand holding or prolonged hugs. You had a feeling he enjoyed it as much as you did. Once his grip relaxed again, you carefully extracted yourself from his hold and silently slipped out of the room. You paused by the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. It felt so good to have the domestic necessities like running water and heating. There was something so comforting about the sound of heating turning on and the radiators humming. You were stood in the kitchen making coffee and some food for Joel and Ellie to take when you heard footsteps coming downstairs. Joel appeared in the doorway, already dressed and ready to go.

"I made supplies and coffee." You said softly as you poured the coffee into Joel's thermos. You almost didn't want to look at him and accept they were already going.

"I'm gon' head out early and tack a horse up ready. If she decides she still hates me, I'll just go for a ride to look around the area then come back. Tommy's comin' for her in about an hour." You nodded as you listened, taking Joel's bag from him and putting his food and thermos into it.

"I'll make sure she's ready. Although I thought I heard movement earlier so she may be up." Joel nodded a little, pulling his bag onto his back.

"Thank you for talkin' to me last night, I really appreciate it." You smiled warmly at him, nodding your head.

"Of course Joel, I care about you. I didn't want you doing something you'd regret later down the line." Joel regarded you for a moment before a small smile pulled over his lips.

"I'll see you at the stables?" You nodded, putting the lid on the box you'd packed Ellie's food into.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Once Joel left, you took a moment to see how the silence of the house felt. Wondering if you should have said something about how you felt or if it would have made things awkward. You shook it off as you got dressed for the day, going back downstairs as there was a knock at the door. Tommy gave a little smile as you greeted him.

"I made food for you both." Tommy chuckled a little.

"Domesticated already." He teased, glancing towards the stairs. "She up?" You nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"Yeah but I think she keeps hoping Joel will come to get her so she hasn't left her room." Tommy sighed, pushing a hand through his hair.

"I'll go get her." He said softly, disappearing upstairs. You could hear the muffled noise of him talking to her before they both came back down. You told Ellie about the food, packing it into her bag as well as some bottles of water. She looked sad as she took the bag back and pulled it onto her shoulders.

"Come with us?" You shook your head a little.

"I'm gonna hold down the fort here Ellie. Make sure you have a nice warm home to come back to, I'll even decorate your room for you and make it more Ellie and less Barbie." Ellie opened her mouth to argue but just sighed and accepted it. You watched her before reaching into your pocket, fishing out the bracelet Sarah had made you. You gently took Ellie's hand and slid the bracelet onto her wrist.

"This is a promise you'll come home and I'll be waiting here for you. If you ever feel scared or lost, just remember I'm still here. Okay?" Ellie nodded, running her fingers over the faded plastic beads. She took a moment before wrapping her arms crushingly tight around you, you cuddled her close.

"Go save the world kiddo." You whispered, squeezing her before stepping back. Ellie glanced at Tommy then back to you.

"Come with us as far as the gates at least?" Tommy nodded.

"That'd be nice." He added, Ellie watching you with big hopeful eyes. You agreed and fought to not say anything as those eyes turned to the stairs like she hoped Joel would come down. You pulled your coat on and headed out with her, following Tommy quietly towards the stables. Ellie dragged her feet a little, eyes watching Tommy's footprints in the snow. You wanted to tell her Joel's plan but you didn't want to get her riled up.

To say Ellie was surprised to see Joel in a stable would be an understatement. She threw a biting comment at him before he could explain. Yet, he barely finished giving her his explanation and options before she tossed her bag at him and climbed up onto the horse. Tommy just smiled, proud of his big brother and relieved he didn't have to leave the compound. Joel led the horse out as Tommy gave him directions and an idea of the quickest way to the hospital. You made sure Ellie was comfortable on the horse and had everything while the men talked. You then turned to Joel, his eyes studying your face quietly before he wrapped his arms around you. He'd never hugged you in front of others before and it caused Tommy to raise an eyebrow of curiousity. Especially when Joel pressed a subtle kiss to the side of your head with a whispered promise of coming back soon. He then turned and embraced Tommy tightly. You smiled, arms instinctively wrapping around yourself as you tried to not get upset.

"Look after her. We'll be back soon."

"Yessir." Tommy chuckled, hugging Joel again. There didn't need to be too many words exchanged. This was the scariest part of their journey and it was back to just the two of them. Joel asked to borrow the rifle slung over Tommy's shoulder, the younger immediately handing it over without argument. Joel stayed walking as he lead the horse to the gates, you and Tommy walking beside them. No one really knew what to say as the gates opened and Joel climbed up to sit in front of Ellie. You waved and watched as they went through the opening, Ellie twisting back to keep waving until the gates closed behind them.

"C'mon. Maria made breakfast for us." You blinked at Tommy, frowning curiously. "I had a feelin' he wouldn't let her go."

---

At first it felt strange being alone. You'd been on the road with Joel and Ellie for a couple of months and before that had split your time between Kathleen or Sam and Henry. It was rare you were completely alone. You spent most of your time fixing up the house, decorating it and making it into your dream house you'd always imagined. Granted it was a little difficult with very limited resources but you'd traded a few items here and there to get paint or home decor. You painted Ellie's room a very light grey colour, making a collage of comic book pages on one wall and even found a Marvel blanket tucked away in the general store in town. It had taken four washes to get it looking anything close to new and get rid of the musty smell but now it looked like the perfect finishing touch as you draped it over the bottom of Ellie's bed. You found some other blankets to put on the couch, some books that were still readable and soon the house felt like a real home. Warm and cosy. You spent time with Maria, helping her out with work around the compound. You met a handful of new people, found a sort of routine as you worked to keep your place within Jackson. Tommy took you on a couple of scouting trips or patrols. He was impressed with how well you handled a gun, always able to help with hunting or clearing out any stray infected from nearby areas. Every now and then you'd find little things that you took home for Joel and Ellie for when they returned.

Christmas day crept up on you before you really noticed. You hadn't celebrated in many, many years. But Maria insisted on you coming to hers and Tommys for dinner. She even managed to convince you to go to the small gathering at the Town Hall. It was nice to pretend to be back in the times before the apocalypse happened, have a glass of mulled wine and watch as the kids had a snowball fight tournament. You just wished Joel and Ellie were here with you to see it all. You knew Maria still didn't think very highly of Joel but she never said anything to your face, which you were grateful for. On one of your rides, Tommy had broached the subject of whether there was still something between you and Joel while you stopped for lunch. You shrugged a little, picking at your sandwich.

"I don't know? Sometimes it seems like it used to be but then he disappears back behind his emotional walls again." Tommy shook his head a little.

"Joel never was good with this stuff. Hell, look how long it took me an' Sarah to convince him to ask you out." You snorted, a smile on your face.

"Who knows what'll happen when he comes back, maybe being away will make him think about it. I know Ellie thinks there's something, she's kinda poked at the subject with me but she's closer to Joel and would definitely be a little rougher with him about it." You laughed, leaning back against the tree you were sitting under. Tommy just smiled at you, watching you for a moment.

"I saw it before he left. Didn't wanna say anythin' before but I saw it. The way he used to look at you in the restaurant is exactly how he was lookin' at you in the Jackson restaurant. Then the day they left, saw it again. He's just a stubborn ass an' won't say anythin' out of his own insecurities." You shrugged, finishing your food.

"Well we'll see what happens when he comes home." You packed your things away as Tommy changed the subject to the upcoming New Year's plans. You admitted you were probably just going to stay home, Tommy said Maria wouldn't allow her newest friend to sit alone on New Year's Eve. You just shrugged a little, saying you'd speak to her about it at some point. Even before everything went down, you'd never seen the big deal with big New Year's parties or anything. It just seemed like an excuse for people to drink a lot and grab someone to kiss at midnight. On the ride back, Tommy started talking about the baby and how it would be born soon, how he was excited to be a father. He spoke about how he met Maria and had taken so long to pluck up the courage to ask her out, her response had been 'about damn time' which made you laugh. Tommy and Maria seemed like such a good match. Their energy bounced off of each other and they just aligned perfectly together. It was nice to see love could work in such a fucked up world.

Months passed by and there was still no sign of Joel and Ellie. You couldn't help but get antsy, nervous something happened to them. You kept yourself distracted as best as possible, not dwelling on what if's and worst case scenarios. As the snow melted away and it got a little warmer, you couldn't help but find yourself trying to stop obsessing over their return only to be disappointed every day. You spent the day at Maria's helping her put the baby's crib together, she was stubborn even if she could no longer see her feet and had to take regular breaks. So you'd had to just assist and do the heavy lifting. She packed you some cake she'd been gifted before you left, promising to come by and see you the next morning. You headed out, a hum in your throat as you waved to the neighbour when they passed you on the street. You'd been accepted so easily into the community, never any questions or people digging into your past which you appreciated. It was like a fresh start really, the safe haven you'd always dreamed of tucked away here in Jackson. The sun was setting as you let yourself into the house with a muffled yawn, pausing to pull your shoes off. You walked through to the kitchen to cut yourself some of the cake when something catches your eye. You freeze. A jacket tossed onto the table. Too small to be yours.

"Ellie." You breathed out, dropping everything onto the counter and turning back to rush through the house, scanning the living room for her before racing upstairs - your heart in your throat. There was no sounds, you couldn't help but suddenly worry someone had broken in. You paused outside of her room, slowly pushing the door open as you peered in. There she was. Sat on the edge of the bed, running her fingers over the blanket. Ellie. You smiled and stepped into the room, the girl looking up as a floorboard creaked. You stared at each other for a moment before you rushed over and gathered her up into your arms. Ellie let out a choked sob as she clung onto you. You didn't dare to think what had happened out beyond the walls with the way she clung onto you.

"You're home." You leaned back, wiping her cheeks as she nodded, lifting her wrist to show the bracelet still there.

"I had to bring it back, remember?" You laughed and hugged her again, she felt a little thinner but taller. Like she'd had a bit of a growth spurt on the journey.

"I missed you." You said, sitting beside her as you brushed your fingers through her hair. She smiled a little.

"I missed you too. It's… been rough." She replied softly, her eyes on the blanket again. "It didn't work. They stopped looking for a cure apparently." She mumbled, wrinkling her nose. "We went through hell to get there, they put me under and everything but when I woke up, I was in the back of a car and Joel told me it didn't work. We should have just stayed here." She sniffled a little, you watched her.

"You wanna talk about it?" She shook her head, moving to lay back on the bed.

"I just want to sleep for a while." You understood, saying as such as you stood up.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me, okay?" She nodded and pulled the blanket over herself. You paused, desperate to ask her where Joel was, why was she alone, why was the journey so bad but she looked tired. You headed towards her door, pausing for a moment before stepping out.

"Joel's at the infirmary. He got injured while we were out there and I had to stitch him up so he's getting it checked out. He said he'll be home after he sees Tommy." You smiled softly, Ellie knew you too well. You thanked her and stepped out, pulling the door almost closed.

You went back downstairs and cut the cake into three. A little celebration once everyone was home and awake. You chewed on your thumbnail as you paced the living room a few times, glancing at the clock now and then. Ellie was fast asleep and the only noise was your footsteps and the ticking of the wall clock. You couldn't settle, anxiety bubbling away in your chest. After a couple of hours, you walked through to the kitchen to make yourself some tea in the hopes it would calm your nerves. As the water boiled, you heard the familiar sound of the front door opening and closing. Your heart stopped as you hear footsteps slowly make their way towards the kitchen, stopping by the doorway. You turned and your eyes fell on Joel. His hair peppered with a few more grey streaks, he looked exhausted and a little pale.

"Welcome home." You said softly, watching him as his eyes met yours and a weak smile worked over his face. You were desperate to just run to him and hold onto him but you didn't want to freak him out.

"It's good to be home." He answered, making his way around the table towards you. He winced a little but once he was close enough, he reached out a hand to you. You bit your lower lip as you took his hand. He was really there. He gently pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. Immediately, you leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his middle. He winced again and you adjusted where you held him. You just stood there like that, your head against his shoulder as you closed your eyes. Finally they were home. Your house felt whole again.

Eventually you pulled back to look up at him, lifting your hands to gently cup his face.

"I'll make you both some dinner. You both look like you need a good meal." You teased gently, Joel nodding and let go of you as you slowly pulled away to turn and rummage through the cupboards to make food. You set to making something as Joel eased himself down into one of the chairs at the table. He was quiet as you worked, and once everything was cooking you handed him a mug of coffee and sat down across from him.

"Everything okay?" You asked softly. "Ellie said you went straight to the infirmary to get checked out?" Joel swallowed as he nodded.

"We got jumped as we got into the University grounds. I grabbed a guy to defend us and he stabbed me with his broken wooden bat. I don't remember much between that and waking up to having to fight for my life and Ellie's. She took care of me, stitched me up and apparently traded a deer for penicillin. I found her in an abandoned ski lodge place, she…" He paused, taking a breath. "She didn't want to talk about what happened to her. But I can take a damn good guess given her reaction when I found her." He paused again, his jaw clenching slightly as his fingers tightened around his mug. You watched him, he didn't need to say anything else on that subject. You got it. "I tried to keep her spirits up, encouragin' her to tell those puns, told her some more about me, told her about Sarah's cupcake plan with you and a few other things. We had an amazing moment as we found some giraffes. Ellie fed them and she seemed to perk up." He smiled a little, going on to explain other parts of their journey until the Fireflies captured them. You blinked, Ellie hadn't mentioned that. Joel explained Marlene had been there, she'd just set the wheel's in motion and had just expected Joel to walk away and leave Ellie in the hospital. You blinked as you watched him, jumping up when a pan boiled over. You grabbed it and checked nothing had burnt, straining out the pasta before checking the sauce you'd been making as well. You dropped some crudely made homemade meatballs in and let it all simmer before sitting down.

"What happened Joel?" You asked, Joel frowning a little as he paused and glanced towards the stairs. Hearing nothing he turned back to you and lowered his voice to barely above a whisper.

"They were goin' to kill her. She had no say in it. All this time we thought it was her blood but… it's her brain." He replied, your eyes going wide as you sank back in your chair. "I couldn't let 'em do it. I couldn't lose another daughter. I just saw red… I don't wanna think how many Fireflies I shot that day. But I was not leavin' there without Ellie. Selfish, I know. I'm a terrible person. Givin' up all of humanities chance of a cure to save one girl. But I couldn't do it." He watched you closely as he spoke, like he expected you to jump up and yell or get angry or something. But you didn't.

"I would have been more angry if you'd have left her there." Was your reply, Joel looking relieved as you said it. "Ellie said it didn't work. They stopped looking for a cure?" Joel shook his head.

"I told her that so she wouldn't hate me if I told her the truth. She was crushed but… at least she's alive." You nodded a little, chewing your lower lip as you thought about it all. Everything he was admitting, everything they'd been through. You understood completely. You reached out across the table and took one of Joel's hands in yours, his eyes never leaving your face.

"You aren't a terrible person. If you are then so am I because I'd have done the exact same thing. It wasn't fair she didn't know what would happen to her, that she didn't have a say in whether she went through with it or not. She'll be fine, she'll be upset for a few days but she'll be back to herself eventually. I'm sure of it." You nodded, Joel giving a non-commital noise in response, his eyes dropping to your hands as he laced his fingers with yours. You both fell quiet, your mind taking you back to the first time you'd sat like this in a café. Holding hands, sharing a slice of cake and talking for hours. You looked up and found Joel looking at you. He opened his mouth to speak when Ellie's voice from the doorway broke the moment.

"Something smells fucking amazing." She mumbled, rubbing at her eyes as she shuffled in. You smiled warmly, reluctantly letting go of Joel's hand to stand up and check everything.

"How do you have the perfect timing? It's all ready!" You smiled again, moving to plate everything up. Ellie asked Joel how he was and he asked her the same. What they'd been through had bonded them, something made them stronger than ever and you had a feeling it wasn't just the night in the hospital.

After dinner, Joel excused himself to take a shower and Ellie stayed to help you clean up. You washed while she dried everything.

"He told me about you two." She suddenly said as you handed her the last pan. You blinked and watched her, Ellie glancing up at you before shaking her head. "About Sarah's cupcake plan, your little coffee dates and how the night it all went down was his birthday and you'd promised to make him breakfast but the world went to shit. He definitely still cares about you like that but he's too chicken to tell you. And you're too chicken to tell him." She shook her head again. "Adults are weird man, you act like kids when it comes to stuff like this!" She handed you the pan back once it was dry. You laughed and moved to put the pan into the cupboard.

"Because there's more important things going on at the moment Ellie. It seems trivial in the grand scheme of things to be like 'hey by the way, I still like you' while we're setting up home here." Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Nothing is trivial." She suddenly sounded much older as she watched you. "Don't tell him I told you this but… He almost killed himself before he was tasked with looking after me. He basically said you and me, we keep him going. So I think the 'hey I still like you' might be a good conversation to have. If he spoke to me about it openly then it means something to him, clearly you too, and that means it isn't trivial." She nodded, watching you closely. "Don't ever repeat this but I love you both and it makes sense. Stop being babies." She grinned, waving her damp towel at you. "Just don't be gross around me, I might barf." You stared at her wide-eyed, suddenly feeling like the roles were reversed and she was the adult talking to teenage you about relationships. Ellie grinned a little, changing the subject to the cake she'd spotted sat on the counter. Your head was spinning from the whole conversation as you plated up a slice of cake for her and handed it over.

"I'm glad to be home." She said after taking it from you, smiling softly as she handed over your bracelet as well. You took it, your fingers gently playing with the beads before you remember the one you'd made her at one of the craft sessions in the town hall Maria had dragged you to.

"Wait here." You grinned, heading out to where your backpack hung in the hallway and rummaging in one of the pockets. You fished out the braided bracelet and went back, asking for Ellie's hand. Once she held it out, you tied the bracelet around her wrist. She lifted her arm to look at it with a soft smile. In the middle were two beads, each one had your initials on.

"It's kinda childish but… I wanted to make one for us as well." You smiled, rolling up your sleeve to show the matching one. Ellie grinned at it before trying to keep her cool composure.

"Totally childish. But I love it." She grabbed her cake and started eating it. Again the subject changing to how long it had been since she'd had cake, telling you some stories from when she was at the Fedra and her one attempt at baking. You'd almost forgotten how Ellie could make your head spin with her constant topic changing. But you were just glad to have her home again, her cheesy puns and laughter making the house instantly feel lighter.

"I'm glad I know sign language." She started, leaning back in her chair to pause for dramatic effect, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried not to grin as the punchline formed on the tip of her tongue.

"I bet that's become real handy." Came Joel's voice from the doorway, Ellie slammed her hands on the table as she laughed.

"You dick! That's the second time you've done that to me!" She was still laughing as Joel came in, finally in clean and comfortable clothing. He smiled at her, ruffling her hair as he passed her.

"Couldn't resist." You laughed at them both, Ellie puffing her cheeks out in frustration as she not-so-discreetly thumbed through the book on her lap for another one to hit him with.

"You wanna hear a joke about pizza?" She grinned before continuing. "Nevermind, it's too cheesy." You snorted, Joel shaking his head as he made himself another coffee.

"I coulda sworn we left that book with the giraffes." Ellie just grinned again as she pointed at you.

"Someone got me a new one and left it in my room." Joel looked at you, deadpan.

"Gee. Thanks." You just looked up at him, giving a grin.

"You're welcome." You winked at him and turned back to Ellie. She flicked through the book, glad to see pages her other book had been missing were there. The cover itself was battered but the pages themselves were all there and still legible.

After a couple more puns, Ellie eventually headed upstairs to take a bath. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you dug out a bottle of whiskey Tommy and Maria had gifted you for Christmas. You grabbed two glasses and went through to the living room where Joel sat on the couch.

"I don't know if the doc gave you any medicine, but I can guarantee this will help any aches and pains." You held up the bottle as Joel looked up. A smile worked over his face.

"You wonderful, wonderful woman." You chuckled and moved to sit beside him, pouring you both a drink before handing a glass over.

"To being reunited. Again." You smiled warmly, holding up your glass in a salute. Joel nodded, gently clinking his glass against yours.

"To bein' re-reunited." A hum left your throat as you took a sip and leaned back in your seat, folding your legs underneath yourself as you went over what Ellie said earlier and whether to mention it to Joel or not.

"What's goin' on in that head of yours?" Joel's voice brought you back to the present, you looked over at him for a moment before you shrugged a little, pushing a hand through your hair.

"Just something Ellie said earlier." Joel tilted his head slightly, clearly curious and maybe a little nervous given what they'd been through. You paused, pursing your lips a little. "Nothing is trivial. Is what she said… sometimes that girl is wise beyond her years I swear." You chuckled, Joel nodding in agreement.

"She's had to grow up real fast."

"Seems a shame she never really had time to just be a kid. Do the dumb things we did as kids and just… grow up playing outside and going to a real school."

"She seems happy, for the most part." Joel added. "Aside from some of the shit she's dealt with this past year. But why'd she say that nothin' is trivial?" You wrinkled your nose a little, your eyes lowering to the glass in your hands.

"She, uh, was telling me about some of the things you two spoke of. How you told her how you and I met, the cupcake scandal and our coffee dates. She was talking about how we should talk about it and I said in the grand scheme of everything lately, it might seem trivial to suddenly bring up our past. But she insisted that if you'd spoken about it, then it wasn't. And that nothing is trivial really. I didn't even know she knew what that word meant till then." You laughed nervously, licking your lips as Joel stayed quiet. You suddenly regretted being so open as the silence weighed heavy on your shoulders. You took a sip of the whiskey, not daring to look up at Joel now. "I think she was just emptying her thoughts, considering it's been a few months since we were all together." You added, your voice quiet as you took Joel's silence as a quiet rejection of the topic. You almost jumped when he cleared his throat before speaking.

"Do you still think about it? Our past?" He asked softly, you took a breath before nodding.

"From time to time. There's moments where I'll catch myself reminiscing. Like earlier when you let me hold your hand over the table while we talked. It reminded me of that tiny coffee shop we found down one of the side-streets back home."

"I remember that one. The barista looked offended I only wanted a black coffee after he bragged about the flavoured syrups for ten minutes." You laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, he was definitely trying the hard sell that day." A quiet fell over you both again, your eyes still on your glass as you bit back the urge to ask the main question on your mind, trying to work out what he might say or what options you had if he didn't still feel the same. He was so guarded now, not as easy to read. There was no awkward shyness, no attempts at his lame but adorable flirting or anything. You heard him say your name, your muscles tensing subtly as you prepared for the blow. He repeated your name again and you realised he wanted you to look at him. Slowly you lifted your gaze and looked over at Joel. His gaze soft, his face relaxed and as open as you'd ever seen it with a hint of the nervousness you'd seen glimpses of in passing.

"Do… do you have any of those feelin's anymore?" He asked, holding your gaze and you knew you couldn't lie. You nodded a little, feeling your cheeks flush slightly. He hummed quietly, lifting a hand to rub it against his stubble as he thought for a moment. "I've done some real shitty things to survive in this world. I shut everyone out when I lost Sarah. I didn't believe anythin' good could happen in this world anymore. Ellie reopened my heart to that paternal love, showin' me it was okay to care for someone else. Then somehow I walked into that house in Kansas City and found my past starin' at me from the dark. I couldn't fuckin' believe it." He paused to take a drink. "I ain't a good man. Not the same man who sat with you by Lake Travis." You sighed softly.

"But you are Joel. I see him in how you watch Ellie so closely, I see him in the moments your ninety foot tall barriers slip, I see him when you instinctively reach out for my hand when you're overwhelmed. You're still him, just a little older and more guarded with your heart. I see you and your scars and my heart still races like it did the first time you spoke to me. I get ridiculously nervous sometimes around you but not out of being afraid of you, but being afraid that I'll open my mouth and everything will just come tumbling out before I can stop it… kinda like now." Joel fell quiet, you could tell he was processing it and trying to see things from your perspective. You moved to top up both of your glasses, placing the bottle on the small coffee table before sinking back in your seat. "Look. I'm not expecting anything or asking for everything to pick up where we left it off twenty years ago. I just … wanted to be honest and if it's not something you want or feel anymore then, I can accept that." Your voice was soft, trying to not get too emotional as you opted to take another drink to stop yourself saying more.

"Fuck that. I almost died three months ago, and I realised I'd die not bein' honest with you, Ellie, Tommy or myself. So after that, I was more open with her. Told her how much she meant to me. I've apologised to Tommy and said how I actually am happy for him. And now I'm tellin' you that you absolutely do make me feel the same way you did back in 2013." You blinked, looking up at him, a smile playing over Joel's lips. He put his glass down, took yours and placed it with his then held his hands out to you. You took a breath and slid your hands into his, feeling his fingers curl around yours. "It won't be easy. I'm still tryin' to open up and not think about just me and my survival. But if you can be patient with me, I'd be more than happy to pick up where we left off." Your eyes went wide as you stared up at him, feeling Joel's thumbs trace idle patterns over the backs of your hands.

"Joel…I…Only if you're sure." Joel chuckled a little, lifting your hands to brush a kiss to your knuckles - the same way he always used to do and suddenly you were thirty years old again, shyly standing outside of the restaurant as Joel picked you up after your shift to spend his lunch break with you.

"The only thing I've ever been more sure of was gettin' Ellie outta that hospital." You smiled softly, Joel resting his cheek against your fingers.

"I'll only believe you on one condition." Joel blinked, confusion flickering across his face.

"What's that?" You smiled, glancing down briefly before looking back at him.

"You give me the kiss I've waited over twenty years for." Joel paused before a laugh bubbled in his throat. There he was, your relaxed and comfortable Joel from 2013.

"It'd be my pleasure." He replied as he tugged your hands gently so you could rest them on his shoulders, encouraging you closer as he leaned in and met you halfway. Finally, finally his lips met yours in the sweetest kiss you'd ever had. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you slid your arms around his shoulders properly and pressed close, the kiss deepening and your senses were flooded with Joel in the best way.

When you eventually broke the kiss, Joel rest his forehead against yours.

"Worth the wait." He muttered, brushing a final kiss to your lips. You smiled and moved to cuddle close to him, nuzzling your face against his neck.

"Definitely worth the wait." You repeated, melting into his embrace with a content sigh.

"I almost did it that mornin' we left for the University but I chickened out. I didn't wanna give you mixed messages and I wasn't too sure if you still felt the same." You snorted softly and leaned back to look at him.

"Joel, we literally shared a bed for the first time and we were actually cuddled up when I woke up. Although I can guarantee if you'd kissed me that morning, there'd have been no way I was staying here alone after that." He huffed out a laugh, lifting a hand to brush his fingers through your hair.

"Fair points." He nodded, he finally looked completely relaxed, that sparkle back in his dark eyes and a smile on his lips. You finished your drinks, Joel keeping one arm around you so you could stay cuddled up against his side, and eventually headed to bed. You felt a little nervous suddenly but Joel insisted it was fine to share the bed again once you offered to take the couch. Joking he'd be offended if you suddenly slept on the couch. You both got ready for bed and once under the covers, immediately found each other again; Joel cuddling you against his chest. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat and finally felt happy.

Your bubble of bliss was loudly burst the next morning by Ellie wandering in, looking for you. Only for her to yell "fucking finally!!" at seeing the two of you cuddled up together. Joel grumbled something and tossed one of the pillows at the door to close it again; immediately cuddling you close again and pressing sleepy kisses to your shoulder.

"She needs to learn to knock." He muttered, squeezing you gently as you hummed in agreement and slid your hand along his arm to lace your fingers with his. Welcoming the warm comfort of sleep pulling you back in mixed with the wonderful feeling in the pit of your stomach as Joel nuzzled against your shoulder and held you tightly. Domestic bliss amongst a world gone to shit.

#ellie williams #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel tlou #no use of y/n #pedro pascal #the last of us #ellie tlou #tlou fic #fluff #tlou tv

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jovenshires · 1 year ago

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💛Smoshblr December Asks Final Day💙

We‘ve done it! We’ve finally reached the end of this lil ask game and also the end of 2023! 🥳 Thank you so much for joining in on this, I truly appreciate it so much 🫶! I wish you a wonderful start into the new year and that all your hopes and dreams for 2024 will come true! ✨💞

But, since the year isn’t quite over yet, I thought this might be a nice time to reminisce a little bit. Therefore, the final question of the Smoshblr December Asks Game:

What are your favourite smosh-related memories of 2023? 💖

(no specific amount required for this one; and you can ofc also include older smosh memories, if you want to 🤗)

oh my god........ im emotional fr. this was so, so, SO much fun and stella, i will speak for EVERYONE you sent these asks to when i say that we are all so grateful to YOU for organizing it. you brought the community together in such an amazing way, asking us thought-provoking and interesting questions, a lot of which i never would have thought to ask. and yet i got to learn all my mutuals' answers anyway!!! it made me feel like i really got to know everyone, even the people im too scared to start a convo with bc i am a Coward. i love you, we all adore you, thank you SO much, and i cant wait to see where smoshblr goes in the new year now that we are all closer than ever <3<3<3<3<3

okay so...... okay okay okay okay HERE we go. im gonna put it under the cut bc this got SO long but if you want a tl;dr summary, please by all means go check out this video i made at the beginning of the month bc. it sums it up tbh.

making all of my amazing friends: i am literally. an emotional wreck just thinking ab this. anyway. i've already been sappy enough this year (from my christmas presents to my many many personal posts and asks that are just. me talking about how much i love these people), but i would still be remiss if i didn't mention my beautiful, wonderful friends. im not gonna tag them all here - it'd be too many and you all know who you are <3<3<3 - but to everyone i've dmed for hours on end, or talked to in replies, or mutuals i've never even spoken to at all, or anons who come into my askbox and just have the most wonderful interactions with me, i am so, so eternally grateful. i made new friends; i reconnected with one of my best friends in the WHOLE world; i met some people who i never would have spoken to otherwise and found such an incredible community. i love you all so so SO much (yes ALL of you even if you think im not talking ab you if you're reading this i AM), and i am so excited to see what happens with all of us next. love you all. mwah. <3

domo day/my birthday: oh my god. OHHHH my god. literally the fic that brought me back to this fandom. i am not crying its fine im FINE. domo - aka dancing on my own - was a passion project from the very start. i thought, 'well, no one will wanna read this niche lil fic that im writing just to deal with My very personal trauma about an rpf ship that no one cares about.' (mind you i started it before i even posted right side, so, like, i literally thought it was just me standing on a deserted island.) and then five or six months later... there we were. i posted it on my birthday (bc i Live for drama !) and god. the amount of love and support i got that day was... everything to me. when i said this was a passion project, i mean that it was truly one of the first things i sat down and wrote For Myself, without giving a fuck what anyone else would think. it was something i poured my heart and soul into because i needed to read it. and when other people started to reach out - telling me how much they related, how much they got from it, how much it meant to them. then there was the analyses of it from everyone,,,, not to mention the birthday love. my birthday is a HUGE thing for me, and, as i told you at the time, you were the very first person to wish me a happy birthday stella (with that incredible moodboard that i think of frequently........ the rat.........). and then kit went and published bad idea and gifted it to ME which was such an incredible and treasured gesture and... truly some of my irls forgot to wish me a happy birthday so. im just so honored and i love you all so much. thank you for loving me and my dearest darling daughter domo <333333

shaynse day: this literally isn't even about me, it's honestly about nat, but this changed my brain chemistry and i think everybody's tbh. it was the way that the MOMENT the love is blind video dropped, we all gathered around my blog to hold hands, sing kumbaya, and all hail the shaynse anon (aka now shaynse founder nat). they had their third eye OPEN. and everyone had to come check on them to make sure they were okay. that meant so much to me. not only did it mean that enough people were reading my blog that an anon had their own niche subset of a fan base, but it was truly like. one of the best displays of fandom togetherness i've ever seen. we were all so united that day. god bless november 19th, aka shaynse day, my FAVORITE national holiday.

gedits: i really Dont think i have to explain this one. this is one of my favorite bits (but also its not really a bit and i genuinely wanna fuck that old man). making thirst traps for garrett? oh my god. stroke of actual genius. once again another day we all came together, held hands, and decided we were ALL gonna be garrett fuckers. long live gedits. they will never stop and im NOT sorry about it.

the bsf fan art: i have literally never had fan art made for my fic before...... i screamed and cried and threw up when someone made fan art for the bed-sharing fic. furry-jackson is my hero and this fan art lives in my mind RENT FUCKING FREE. it truly imprinted itself on my brain and i think about it all the time. thanks so much to them for loving i could be the reason as much as i do <3333

the top ten dynamics poll: !!!!! my baby!!!! i truly thank you all so much for indulging me by voting in that silly lil poll. it was so SO interesting to see the way the dynamics stacked up. not to mention, it also got me into gif-making again!! that was the first time i'd made gifs in ages, especially gifs i was proud of. but i love that silly lil gif series so much, one of my favorite projects of the year, so thank you all <3

smoshblr december asks: i mean. i said it all up top, but it's worth mentioning again. this was so, so, SO much fun, and it must have been such hard work for you, and i am honored that you did all this work for US of all people when you are so busy and talented and working so hard just in like. YOUR LIFE. honestly, this whole section could just be called 'stella,' bc i am so, so grateful for you especially coming into my life this year. whether we're working together on fic or just chatting about our lives or shouting back and forth about why EVERY taylor swift song is in fact a spommy song, i am just so lucky to have you and i love you so, so much. you always tolerate my shenanigans and i am SO incredibly lucky to have you as a friend. anyway. yeah i love you and smoshblr december asks so there.

#smoshblr december asks #stella #ask #asks #wallpaper inside my heart

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thribby · 7 months ago

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Endless Ocean Luminous

I wrote this as a review on backloggd.com, and I figured I may as well post it here too.

It would take a lot of work to convince me that this game was not a hit piece to prove that smaller and older franchises are not viable.

I wrote some shit down below that I'm sure has been said elsewhere and better, but I already wrote it so I'm not deleting it. I'm gonna talk about something else that I'm speculating on.

Did they want this game to be good? Let's think about this. The Endless Ocean franchise hasn't had a game since 2009, then all of a sudden (13 years later) we hear there's gonna be a new game in a few months. That's exciting and surprising for fans of the series, like me. Can't wait (although, background alarm bells were already ringing for me [I never trusted the "roguelite map," Thanatos' model looks so bad, and I think the look of the characters is so much lamer than what we had in the last games, and all of that was shown in the first trailer]).

So next the game comes out, and it's got less features and mechanics than the previous games. How come? Were we running low on development time? I hope not, it'd already been over a decade since the last game, you may as well take your time with this one. Was it a problem with the budget? I REALLY hope not, as if that's true you are charging $50 for a game you didn't quite finish (also, Endless Ocean Blue World cost $30 back when it released in the US in 2010).

Alright, so I've given them the benefit of the doubt that the game did not run out of time or money to make sure Endless Ocean 3 had all of the bells and whistles from the first two games. Which leads me to the conclusion that they had simply never planned on making Endless Ocean Luminous as complex of a game as Endless Ocean 1 or 2. They had always planned on making less and selling it at a higher price.

Ok, why would they do that? Corporate greed following the general trend of seeking higher profits for less effort? Yeah, sure. But I also think that they wanted this game to do badly. Or at the very least, they don't particularly mind if it does.

So there's a simple way to group the people who play Endless Ocean Luminous into 2 categories: people who have played previous Endless Ocean games and people who are new to Endless Ocean games. I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume that people who have played previous Endless Ocean games are gonna be disappointed with this one more often than not. The Endless Ocean games are cult classics and here comes this new entry that doesn't even do as much. The aforementioned "cult" of these "cult classics" will not like that. Which means that the group of people who were most likely to buy this game is now a lot smaller.

As for the new players, you just need to win them over with the fun and engaging gameplay loop! But, oh wait. There are three things to do in this game. And you must do them hundreds of times. But, who knows, maybe enough of the new players will like the game anyway.

Ok, so really, how can I believe any of this? I think this game was sort of a test. If it was popular, cool, that means "less effort with higher price tags" can work and the executives can take that idea and run with it. If it fails, the execs get to go "ahh, we should've known! these old video game franchises are so risky, it's probably best that we just stick a couple of proven franchises and non-franchise IP's." And instead of a big variety of games being produced, we see less and less of these smaller franchises, and more individual games that get shuttered after one game, because "we tried doing sequels and reboots of games once before and everybody said it sucked!" Like how Netflix cancels shows ASAP.

I really just struggle to imagine that this game was made in good faith as an Endless Ocean game when it clearly does not compare well to the other Endless Ocean games.

Here's that shit I wrote back before I decided to just write my little conspiracy theory instead:

The first Endless Ocean in 14 years and it's so much less than either of its prequels (except for the price!). No more hub world in between dives. No more walking on small islands or beaches, or even poking your head above the water, because all of that would require designing and programming an entirely different kind of gameplay, and that's a whole lot of work so why bother? No more specifically and intentionally put together maps, now it's just generated! <-that's where I got fed up with talking about the lack of content and made my pivot

tumblr exclusive thoughts:

Yeah sure, it's just a chill lofi game to relax and swim to now, and it is good that we're not treating sharks as inherently dangerous. but like, how good of a defense is that when 1: the only thing keeping the evil killer shark thanatos from attacking you is the magic sea's water which makes him a pacifist and 2: we're already in a suspension of disbelief with how marine life works in general on account of all of these freshwater and arctic aquatic lifeforms congregating in the fucking tropics of the pacific ocean (not to mention the extinct animals)

It is nice to see some of the models got better but then they also made thanatos look so bad like so so bad oh my god why is he so lumpy why are his eyes bulging out like that????

what were we thinking?? why did we do this to him?

#endless ocean #endless ocean 2 #endless ocean blue world #endless ocean 3 #endless ocean luminous

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wretcheddthing · 2 years ago

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7 Comfort Movies

i was tagged by @cuteallo and i’m Watching you.

1) The Mummy (1999): We Know. If you know me you know this. Hold on I’m going to go take a picture of my bumper sticker (you know the one)

I have a poster hanging up in my room. It’s my all time most favorite movie Ever. Plus it just feels like a love letter to classic Universal monsters which I didn’t really Get until my good buddy Jamie got me interested in the history of it while I was doing research for my old radio show. Some of the creative choices and definitely the horror elements were so precisely implemented to mimic classic horror set tropes, like how the moon is always huge and bright and a little too big. And it’s SO quotable. RIDDLED with problems, but Roger Ebert said it best, “There is hardly a thing I can say in its favor, except that I was cheered by nearly every minute of it. I cannot argue for the script, the direction, the acting or even the mummy, but I can say that I was not bored and sometimes I was unreasonably pleased.“

2) Howl’s Moving Castle: I don’t think I need to explain this one. It’s a movie that Radiates comfort. I watched it at least a couple times back to back the last time i got sick.

3) Atlantis: The Lost Empire: This movie is directly responsible (in conjunction with The Mummy and Uncharted) for a full cast of OCs. This movie is part of the reason I’ve taken so many archaeology courses and helped out at a dig site last summer. also in conjunction with the mummy and uncharted

4) Mamma Mia: it reminds me of my mom ;-; i grew up with ABBA because of her, she took me to see this in theaters when it came out. she lives a couple states away now and is currently utilizing her retirement to spend a month abroad and i miss her very much. will probably watch this later

5) Brave: I made myself sad bc i miss my mom. This is one I took her to see in theaters, and let me tell you were there not other people in the theater i would have been openly sobbing. Also it’s just a damn fine movie. It came out around the time I was deeply interested in archery and i am partially Scottish so on the surface it seemed right up my alley. but then the story got me and i cannot watch it without crying

6) Zombieland: Stealing this one from Teagan because hard same. Found family, zombies, reminiscent of Left 4 Dead. Good memories with that game playing it with my older sibling on their XBox 360 whenever they came up to visit :) Also it’s SO HARD to find decent zombie shit now!!! no one gets it! nobody gets it anymore they’re all like “the people are the real monsters” NO. THAT’S NOTHING. THAT’S NOT INTERESTING. USE ZOMBIES AS THE METAPHORICAL TOOL THEY ARE TO ELEVATE HUMAN STORIES. COWARDS.

7) The Martian: It’s my favorite book of all time and as far as movie adaptations go I really don’t think it’s that bad. Mark Watney’s gotta be one of the characters ever made. I read this book every single year now because I related to it at a time I really needed to (see: high school) and the movie is pretty faithful imo. Look I have a drawing for it

anyways i think i made this post too long and i would say it’s bc i’m a film minor but i didn’t say anything really insightful about any of these movies i just like to talk i’m tagging @gilarroyo @olliesaurus-rex @prioriincantatemx @elliewilliams @adairable-dirks @jamiechanga and whosoever wishes to participate

#personal #tag games #tagged as me #friends #long post #also i see your tags teagan you are absolutely correct i would GET YOU for including before sunrise #*pointing* linklater stan

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vogeldernacht · 4 months ago

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Hi.

My name is Sky.

I wanted to post about this way later than today. But since I wrote a friend about V and a very strange situation lead to M in my head I need to clear my brain with my good ol' friend Tumblr.

Earlier this year I had a strange thought about my life. I became 26 and realized that it has been 10 years since our first date. 09/22/2014 marks the first conversation via Facebook. We met earlier because he helped me to choose a game. Nevertheless - he was some kind of big idiot with a strange desire to subjugate girls that were way younger than him.

I thought that I was the one he was going to marry one day. I thought he was the savior I asked for. But that's really not the point of this posting.

Some days ago a friend of mine had the idea to look at a profile of one of her ex-boyfriends just to find out that he is now married and a father. My idiotic self looked up M. I knew his Insta for a longer time now because his "new" girlfriend was a friend of a friend - and she tagged him. Funny story tho - nothing for now.

When I opened their Instas, I was shocked. No tags in none of their Instas - instead: private profiles and changed pictures. They broke up after eight years. My inner child screamed because I felt some kind of strange relief - he betrayed me with her. Now they broke up. He tried to contact me several times after they became a couple to tell me that she was a bad girlfriend. That he didn't want to be her boyfriend and that he wanted me to come back to him. A friend of mine tried to show her these texts but she said, that it wasn't neccesary - nobody would have the power to bring them apart.

Eventually I laughed about the situation - I wouldn't do the same thing again. Something in my head says, that she saw all of the explicit content and they just laughed about me - together.

For me it is now a very strange situation. I went through some old messages and saw things that weren't his fault initally. And some days - I can't lie to this - I asked myself the big "IF". Some days I am pretty afraid that he tries to contact me again just to tell me that he is free and wants to "try again" now that we are older. (Luckily enough nobody is ever reading this...) I'm not afraid because I could say "yes" (I'm in a pretty good relationship) but because he's still giving me anxiety attacks. I saw him... 5 years ago when he ran into Vs store just to say hello and my heart has never beaten this fast. I've never felt such a big yet scary trembling in my whole body. He won't be able to contact me - I blocked all his socials in 2017.

Funny enough to see his now-ex-gf with the same glasses as I have.

I'm not the kind of broken I used to be. I need to admit, that I feel free now that I know that he and this girl had a breakup.

And perhaps that's it. For the moment. We need to talk about V next time. Bye old friend, Tumblr. ♥

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dragonnan · 2 years ago

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First Sentence Game

Saw this shared by @helloliriels and it looked incredibly fun so here's mine!

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

1. The Home Visit (Doctor Strange) It smelled cold.

Not like winter – which tasted metallic and fresh at the same time, no. No, this cold had the aroma that was patently October. Black cats and scudding cloud and ripened pumpkins. It was the earthy snap of fallen leaves and the far off sound of hunter's rifles and the call of geese and ducks headed for warmer lands. For many people, Autumn was their favorite time of year. Maybe... once, when he was younger, Stephen could have said the same.

2. We Are Men of Action - Lies Do Not Become Us (Psych - a cross-post of an older fic) Cool, that morning; just on the right side of chilly, actually. Early, even for the early risers. Far too early for a guy who hadn't slept in two days. Far, far too early for that guy's father to demand they share coffee while watching the sun rise over the waves.

3. Sed Diabolus (Avengers WIP) It was a pretty great view. He'd been meaning to check it out; sometime. Those weeks spent in his (new) room; dishes of food going cold at his elbow while he'd sat at his computer and clicked through five years of history that he hadn't lived. Most of the news stories had been about the failing economy; the declaration of martial law around the country, the breakdown of infrastructure. His current roosting spot was exactly the same as it had been the day he'd… dusted. Skyline Tower had been scheduled for completion in 2020. Three years later and, like so many other construction projects, it was an abandoned property with naked I-beams stabbing towards the clouds. It would probably never be finished. Not the way things were, now.

4. The Wizard Was the Wicked Witch and the Scarecrow Lost His Courage (Psych - another cross-post of an older story) It was hot there out on the sidewalk. Getting off the plane – walking through the tunnel back to the airport he'd felt the wave of temperature thud against him, both familiar and a little bit of a let-down. Odd that his destination, so unwelcome after the past week, was a tropical getaway to most everyone else he'd traveled with. He wished he could have stayed longer. But then, he always wished it could be longer.

5. The Holiday is Over (Sherlock) He could no longer track how many days had passed, since he'd been captured and brought to this… hell hole, though he suspected it was close to a month. He'd knelt in the snow, once he'd realized there had been nowhere left to run; collapsed, really. He'd been on Moran's trail for weeks and had scarcely stopped for rest or food. It had caught up to him at the worst possible time.

6. Like Some Sort of Parable (Sherlock) The cab, carrying his best friend, along with his new fiance’, had long since been swallowed by the night. Sniffing, wincing at the pain in his nose, Sherlock tossed the bloody serviette before walking to the kerb to hail his own ride. He winced again upon raising his hand and felt the tug of the motion through his back.

7. The Fire in Which We Burn (Sherlock WIP) “I just wanted to let you know that... well, Dennis is scheduled to be released this afternoon. I didn't find out myself until twenty minutes ago. I know he was meant to be in longer but... well we both know the justice system is a joke. Listen... call me, alright? Let me know... I'm here if you need me, yeah? Christ. Just, look after yourself, Molly. I'll talk to you soon.”

8. If You Want this Choice Position Have a Cheery Disposition (Sherlock) Barred from any investigations requiring footwork, forced to once more suffer the restrictions of a sling for another three weeks, Sherlock could feel the restlessness like ants in his skin.

9. A Faun at Baker Street (Sherlock) It had all started in Dartmoor.

It had been nearly been 2am by the time they'd finished up at the field and had staggered back to the hotel. Sherlock had left hours earlier so John had offered to remain behind with Greg while they had filled in the local constabulary; a greying man a year out from retirement along with his replacement-in-training.

10. Your Loss Would Break My Heart (Sherlock) He could have taken the helicopter but, quite frankly, he had needed the drive in order to structure what he would say to them. Though, even as he pulled the sleek vehicle into the drive; gravel snapping and popping beneath the narrow tyres, he was no more prepared than he'd been when he'd left London. After turning off the engine he hung back for a beat – hands gripped around the wheel.

Tagging (no pressure): @ariaadagio @aelaer @ceruleanmindpalace @kitcat992 @hanuko @sgam76 @disappearinginq @itsjustdg as well as anyone else who'd like to participate :)

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tanoraqui · 2 years ago

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responding to @shrikeseams’s tags on this post separately bc it was getting long...

#tbf i think fandom puts too much weight on Turgon being the Staid One #since most of his cautious behavior is... after his wife died. and while he's trying to keep at least his daughter from Death By Doom #he was down to cross the ice in the first place! it's not like he turned back with finarfin! #IDK what KIND of hellion he was at tirion formal events. but HE WAS A HELLION LIKE ANY FINWION COUSIN. #I just haven't pinned down his specific brand of bastardy yet

...because they are good and right and I DON’T want to fall into that Turgon characterization trap. Looking back at the text, Turgon first stood with Fingolfin to tell Fëanor he was a fucking idiot for swearing that Oath he just swore and like hell were they going anywhere with him, but after Alqualondë and the issueing of the Doom he was with Fingon in being, “bold and fiery of heart, and loath to abandon any task to which they had put their hands until the bitter end, if bitter it must be.” He was, if not eager for rebellion, certainly #inittowinit once they’d started.

I think that very “this is still a terrible idea but now that we’ve started, I’ll see it fucking accomplished” is what cuts deepest later, after Elenwë’s death. The end is too bitter already; he doesn’t want to be here and he doesn’t want their daughter to be here. Ulmo warns that a time will come when hidden refuges are their only hope and it rings true in his heart. And he finds some pride and joy again in the city he builds, in its long peaceful rule and (for a while) its continued safety even after the peace is shattered and burned elsewhere. Even as he felt Doom closing in on them, and he sent seven different crews to try to reach Valinor and plead for aid before all fell...

That said, I still think young Turgon prided himself on being more sensible than his older brother (and certainly more sensible than his younger siblings - a category which, again also includes Finrod’s younger siblings). Someone in this family has to be responsible, and it’s clearly not Fingon, and it’s rarely Finrod! The heavy, heady duty Must fall to him, Turukáno, or all will be lo-

oh, well, if the food fight is already started, then he’s going to throw a bowl of mashed potatoes are Carnistir’s head. For what he said about Irissë earlier (which Turukáno nearly punched him for at the time, too, and was only stopped by Findarato grabbing his arm and Tyelkormo elbowing his own brother sharply in the ribs.)

(Side note: my real hobby is referring to Noldor by their Quenya names when talking about them as children who had no idea how bad fighting could get.)

Tldr: I think Turgon’s brand of childhood bastardry is that he rarely initiates the hellion-doings, but he WILL escalate them, and afterwards might accept responsibility but might also loudly protest to his parents that it wasn’t his fault.

Relatedly, I think Finrod always had very good instincts for when it was important to be responsible, eg, when the world is dark, your grandfather is dead, and your uncles are on the verge of civil war; or when you meet a new species and need to negotiate your extended relatives into giving them land; or when an old friend’s grandson comes to you with a request for aid...or, once upon a time, when doing something would genuinely upset someone, whether they be one of his siblings or the artist whose ice sculpture looked really enticingly climbable, or genuinely upset the increasingly delicate balance of power in Tirion...

Conversely, however, that instinct for when responsibility is important means he always knew in his heart that almost all state dinners are 100% fair game for tomfoolery, hellionship, bastardry, and, dare I saw, shenanigans. And Finrod and Turgon were - you know JD and Turk from Scrubs, the “We’re not married.” “Dude, we’re a little married.” “I know. I love it”? That. So...

Edit: “will not start the fight but WILL escalate it, especially in personal retaliation” does still make Mandos the Turgon of the Valarin family

#the silmarillion #my fic #feanor and feanor’s kin #turgon #finrod

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iwadori · 4 years ago

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Why you and the haikyu boys broke up (Atsumu,Oikawa,Kageyama,Kenma,Akaashi,Sugawara)

Part two: Osamu, Iwaizumi, Daichi, Ushijima

Genre:angst

masterlist

Atsumu: “god yer so clingy and annoying”

You and Atsumu have been dating for years and every year was worse then the last. Atsumu became more distant and standoffish as your relationship progressed.

“‘Tsumu, where were you said that you’d be back by-“

“Gosh Y/N, just leave me alone, I don’t need you doting all over me like your my mum or something” he said harshly making you flinch

“Well I wouldn’t keep acting like your mum if you weren’t being such a child, you dick”

“God Y/N, yer so cling and annoying”

That was the last thing he said to you, well the last thing you heard, since after that you were gone. You definitely didn’t care for Atsumu anymore and you definitely didn’t care about his mutiple messages and calls asking begging you to talk to him.

You were done and you silently asked yourself the question “who’s the clingy and annoying one now ‘tsumu”

Oikawa: “If only you supported me like she did then..”

You and Oikawa, the classic ‘highschool sweethearts,’ with him being the athletic trailblazer with you at his side through it all, always known as “Oikawa’s girlfriend”

Being known as that, at first you didn’t mind, since being attached to the Oikawa name in any aspect was something to brag about (especially when you’re a teenage girl.)

But as you got older you didn’t want to be just somebody’s “girlfriend,” you wanted to be Y/N The doctor or Y/N the lawyer, journalist or whatever.

And Oikawa wasn’t particularly fond of the idea.

As the time went on, with you now studying and preparing for your new found dream job (which you were over the moon about.) Oikawa became unbearable, late nights out, always hiding his phone when you were about, he had this odd scent about him one that was different to usual.

He was cheating on you. You knew it, but since there was no physical proof and because you loved him so much accusing him of such a thing could ruin everything.

You didn’t need too though. Since one night, when Oikawa was supposedly meant to be at an away game. He was away, but in someone else’s pants... in your bedroom.

After being caught he pleaded for you to hear him out and when you wouldn’t he said “if only you supported me like she did then I wouldn’t be cheating on you”

That was definitely the final straw, you became the best doctor that Japan had ever seen, and you didn’t know what happen to Oikawa and that girl.

You may of heard through the grapevine that she definitely cheated on him a month into their relationship, but what do you care anyways.

Kenma: “gosh y/n I’m not your therapist”

Kenma and you were childhood friends before you started dating. You were two peas in a pods.

You worked perfectly as you being the talkative one always talked and him being quiet just always listened.

That’s how you worked and it was fine, right?

Well of course it wasn’t, well at least till when you were a few years into your relationship it wasn’t. Kenma was obviously a popular gamer and kind of a businessman, he wasn’t as free as he used to be and neither were you and you both knew that.

So when you did have time to hang out you most certainly made the most of it, doing what you normally did: you talk, he ‘listens.’

Even though Kenma wasn’t listening anymore, who knows when he stopped listening but he probably hasn’t heard nor cared for a thing you’ve said since you were 5.

“Gosh Y/N I’m not your therapist” he said after you were telling him about a terrible day you had “ I don’t even know why we’re still together, or together at all... “

“Fine, if that’s how you feel I’m gone”

“Wait Y/N I didn’t mea-“

You slam the door blocking out the rest of speech which you didn’t need to hear since obviously ‘you aren’t his therapist.’

Akaashi: you’re just too much of an idiot too understand.

When you and Akaashi met, it was in one of your classes, and you first noticed him when he was answering in a question in class.

Hot and smart was what you thought when you first laid eyes on him

What you didn’t know by the time you got together was that ‘hot and smart’ translates to the biggest patronising mansplainer ever.

Akaashi has a way of belittling you and dumbing you down, you didn’t know why he was doing it. Heck, you didn’t know he was actually doing it until he actually said “you’re just too much of an idiot to understand.”

The other times it was subtle, but obvious enough to leave you sad and uncomfortable afterwards questioning every aspect of yourself.

One night, you don’t tell him what your doing, you pack up your crap leave the rest of the months rent on the kitchen counter along with a note saying ‘I’m breaking up with you,’

You knew that sooner or later that day you’d get a text from him and you did which read:

Akaashi: what do you mean I’m breaking up with. Why ?

Y/N: oh I guess you’re too much of an idiot to understand.

Kageyama: you don’t work hard enough Y/N

You were dating the best setter in Japan. It always felt surreal when you said that to yourself, or when someone said that to you.

Since ‘how could you’ get ‘someone like that.’

That was the question that many people asked, since of course ‘Tobio Kageyama was only worth the best of the best,’ and to them you most certainly wasn’t that.

You got comments like that all the time online, but you didn’t care but one time you were scrolling through Twitter and so a post about you and the comments were all talking about your body.

This crushed your heart, as the comments they were making were vile so this definitely hit a tough spot.

When Kageyama came home and saw your distressed state he rushed to your side to see if he could help. However once you showed him what you were crying over, his tone of voice changed as he said,

“They aren’t wrong Y/N, ever since we got together you’ve definitely not really been looking after yourself lately”

“What is that supposed to mean” you retort

“ I mean, you don’t work hard Y/N, you don’t work at all... as of lately you’ve just been bitching and complaining and mooching off of my success whilst you let yourself go.”

Ouch.

“If that’s how you see me, then so be it” you say gracefully standing up and exciting the building. You were done with Kageyama and you both knew that, there was no going back after what he said, especially since you could tell he was thinking that for a while now.

Sugawara: your not the girl I fell in love with

Sugawara and you were described as the “perfect couple” by people that didn’t know you. Which you always faked a smile a compliment, knowing certainly well you weren’t.

You’ve loved sugawara ever since you met him in your first year. But you knew, you always knew he didn’t love you back.

Kiyoko Shimuzu, her name was. A pretty name for a pretty girl. All the boys were in love with her (some more vocal about it then others) but sugawara even though he wasn’t shouting his love from the rooftops, you caught the looks of adoration he gave her when she was simply walking by.

You dated him anyways, maybe he could sense your desperation or maybe he needed a distraction. You didn’t know why he decided to ask you out and you didn’t care, he was yours and you finally ‘won.’

Well you were winning up till you got a certain invite in the Mail:

You are invited to the wedding of Tanka Ryunnsoke and Kiyoko Shimuzu.

Even though sugawara looked happy at the idea of his two dearest friends marrying, you could tell he was heartbroken. And he knew that you knew.

That is why, on the day before the wedding as you were packing your bags to go, it turns out he was packing his bags too. But for a completely different reason.

“I’m leaving” was all he said at first heading for the door.

“Where? Why?” You aksed

“You know why Y/N, you’ve always known why And itll do more harm then good if we keep this charade up any longer”

“But I love you” you cried latching on to him

“And I love you, but you were not the girl I fell in love with and I don’t think that love will ever stop”

You knew he was right and you let him go, crying over your one true love.

An: I kinda heavily like this one, (maybe because it’s hard to write on my phone and this style is definitely not what I’m used too so I’m appreciating my efforts.) what do you guys think ??

ALSO MY PHONE WONT LET ME DO READ ORE AND ONCE MY LAPTOP WORKS TOMMOROW I WILL DO IT SO SORRY!!

Taglist[bold can’t be tagged]: @sakuxxi @iimoonii @hamdehlesmis @Shoyosupremacy @meadowsinjapan @iambashfulperson

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starsscribble · 3 years ago

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Stick Shift

Summary: Rick thinks he freeing Y/n. Y/n thinks she's the problem.

Tags: Angst, No comfort, Age Difference, Reader is 25 Rick is in in 40.

A/n: This was when I was on my Walking Dead kick. Finally got it edited.

But today I drove through the suburbs

Crying 'cause you weren't around

You pulled into the post-apocalyptic suburbs; in a separate car than what Glenn and you left in. Your earlier pride of find and driving said care was gone. Now in it place was a numb type of sadness. It was stupid. You know that. Getting worked up over the fact you were driving a stick shift. All on your own. But Rick. Your boyfriend; ex-boyfriend now. He had been the one to teach you how to drive a stick shift. Before Virginia. When the group was still in the prison. When you were both still happy.

“Come on,” his southern drawl was clear as day. You let out a puff of air. Head pushing against the headrest. “This was your idea. You gotta confess something.” You started to hate that you suggested this game, but the drive was so damn long. You didn’t have the radio to help distract you. No, it was just you, Rick, and a long stretch of Georgia backroad. The former sheriff’s right hand shifted off the steering wheel. Moving carefully as not to catch your attention. You were still racking your brain for a secret to tell. Then a yelp left your mouth. You jumped in your seat making the older man laugh. Hand retreated to the wheel.

“That’s what you get for taking so long pumpkin.” He grinned; eyes shifted from the road onto you. A hint of playfulness in those ocean blue eyes.

“I was thinking of something!” You shot back making him chuckle before looking back to the road.

“There’s gotta be something you have never told anyone.”

“Well,” you hummed. Readjusting in your seat. “I don’t know if this would count because I’ve never told this to anyone in the group.”

“I’ll count it.” He glances at you quickly, still smiling. Which makes you smile.

“Alright. I don’t know how to drive a stick shift.” You feel the jerk was the car spot. Rick looked at you as if you just told him the undead are all gone. Eye full of disbelief.

“You’re joking.” He speaks after a beat and you shake your head. Nope, you couldn’t drive a stick to save your life. And with how the world was it just might. Rick took off his seatbelt as you questioned just what he was doing. “I’m gonna teach you how to drive stick. You might need it.”

“We are on a run.”

“Yep and this is the perfect time. Now get into the driver’s seat.”

Slowly you parked next to Glenn. Killing the engine you got out as Glenn moved over to your vehicle. He smiled at you. Today was a good day. Got more food, medicine, and another car. The possibilities for cars were endless. Used for parts. Set up at protection. Used as traps. Daryl Dixon the town resident mechanic would have a field day with this car.

“I’m gonna check in with Rick,” Glenn says. You see him playing with his wedding band. Maggie’s baby bump had started to show and Glenn didn’t like being away for too long. Patting his shoulder you speak.

“Go see Maggie and your baby.” You slammed the driver’s side door shut. The dark-haired man stares at you. Willing to argue with you on this.

“Really it’s-” You raised your hand stopping him.

“If you don’t go check up on Maggie. I will and I’ll tell her how you screamed like a girl.” His eyes widen at the threat.

“I didn’t know a group of bats would be in there!” He defended himself only making you grin at him. You both head away from the parking area. Back towards the stretch of cookie-cutter homes. You nudge his shoulder with yours.

“First it’s a colony of bats. Second, not only was the scream funny, so was your face.” You teased him. Glenn shoved your shoulder playfully. Before mumbling that he was going to check in with his wife. Leaving you with the task of checking in with the community’s newly appointed leader Rick.

Jogging onto his porch you knocked on the door. Eyes looking everywhere but the door until it opened. Sadly it wasn’t the male you were looking for. Carl greeted you with a soft smile. The bandages that once covered his right eye socket had been replaced with a custom-made eyepatch.

“Ahoy captain.” You tease the teenager who rolled his remaining eye. “Your dad here? Just checking in since Glenn and I got back.”

“Nope. Haven’t seen him since this morning.” Carl tells you, making you nodded. “When I see him…” He trails off because he knows you will just hunt his dad down. “I don’t know where he is.” He's lying. You know it. He knows that you know. But you just nod and quickly thank him. Tell him to kiss his sister for you before turning off the porch.

And you're probably with that blonde girl

Who always made me doubt

She's so much older than me

She's everything I'm insecure about

You know where Rick Grimes is. Feet carrying you down the still blood-stained street. Streets that just weeks ago were covered with the undead. You wave kindly to the people passing by. It is a mix of your group, older residents, and new people. You still feel out of place. Maybe you always will. Maybe you won't. You wonder quietly to yourself. A nice distraction. Because if you thought about where you were going. Where you had to go. You might just break. So you let your mind wander. Let your feet carry you to the destination. Everything seemed to be on autopilot. Until your using the knocker of the baby blue house. Her house.

“We should end this,” Rick says matter-of-factly. You stopped brushing your hair to look at him. He’s not facing you. Back facing you as he pulled his jeans on.

“What?” Maybe you misheard him. Maybe it was your ear playing a trick on you. Because Rick couldn’t be breaking up with you right now.

“We should break up.” He rephrases. The words take the air from your lungs. Your mouth opened to say words that your mind can’t even come up with. The silence in the room grew by the seconds. It finally became too much for the man as he turned to face you. Jeans zipped up but not buttoned. Belt lay next to his shirt on the bed but his eyes fell on you instead.

“Say something.” He requested of you softly. That same soft voice that he used when he said he loved you. Tears that formed in your eyes finally fell as you blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Before you looked him in the eyes.

“Is it me? Did I do something wrong?” Getting shot was nothing compared to your question to him. Because he knew you honestly thought you did something wrong. You always doubted yourself. But you were perfect. So goddamn perfect. And amazing. And young.

“No sweetheart. It’s just…” He stops himself from going over to embrace you. Tell you to forget about it. Because this has to happen. You're 24. His 39. Even if the group. His and your family were ok with it. He heard the whispers around town. The other weren’t as supportive.

“I think we should end this. We had an amazing run. And you're young. You’re gonna find someone else that will love you more than I ever could.” He breaks his own heart with his words. Because he doesn’t want you to find someone else. He wants to be with you until the end. When and where ever the end was. But you deserve better. You deserve someone around your age. Not an old man with two children like him.

“I…” you stare at him. Cheeks strained with tears he caused. “I don’t want someone else.” You grab the comforter. It gets balled up as you tighten your grip on the fabric. Your mind running over everything you had done in the last weeks to get to the point. You had snapped at him a few days back because of Jessie Anderson. The blonde woman in her thirties that lived up the street. You didn’t hear what they were talking but her body language told you everything. She was flirting with Rick. And either he didn’t notice or didn’t care. Doubt played in your mind the whole day after seeing the interaction. Because Jessie was around Rick’s age. And you weren’t. You didn’t really have any life experience before the world ended. So it made sense if Rick preferred a woman his own age. As opposed to you, a 24-year-old kid in his eyes.

“I can get you a brownstone to stay in.” He said. Brushing off your comment. Which broke your heart even more.

The door opened showing the blonde that lived there. A smile and questioning look on her face.

“Is Rick here?” You asked, watching as she turned her head and yelling the man’s name into the home. He comes out from the kitchen; questioning who it was. The question dying in his throat when he saw it was you. Jessie excused herself leaving you and Rick alone. The former sheriff stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind him.

“Hey,” he gives you a tight-lipped smile. Which you return.

“Just came to tell you Glenn and I are back.”

“Right,” he nods. “You guys went on a run. Get anything good?” You nodded before listing off some of the supplies you got. Including the stick shift car. You heard him chuckle. Looking into his eyes you saw that same playfulness as the day he first forced you to drive a stick.

“You didn’t flood the engine this time right?” He teased and you scoffed, punching him in the shoulder.

“I was amazing.” You boasted. The older man stared at you and you swear you heard a quiet. ‘Ya, you are.’

“You don’t mind if I asked Glenn?” You roll your eyes but smile.

“Go ahead. He's gonna tell you the same thing.” He nodded. Hand going on his hips. You watch as he licks his lips. Your breath hitching as you feel your stomach twisting in knots. “I should go. Need a shower desperately.” You don’t wait for him to say goodbye or stop you. You're off the porch and down the road heading home in a few steps.

And all my friends are tired

Of hearing how much I miss you, but

I kinda feel sorry for them

'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do

Maggie can’t drink. But that doesn’t mean you and Sasha can’t. Sasha, Abraham, and Rosita had come back later in the day from another run. They had been the unlucky ones not finding much of anything. But Sasha apparently found some top-tier booze in a rundown bar. The trio split it up between them. So here you were. Snacking on fresh strawberries drinking booze that would have been at least $100 for a bottle; straight out of the bottle. The three of you resting against the metal wall that protected the town from the nasty world outside.

“So,” Maggie started as she threw a strawberry stem into a bowl filled with them. “Heard someone talk with Rick.” Sasha and her eyes went to you as you grabbed the glass bottle of auburn liquid. Taking a healthy swig you felt the burn as it went down. You were far too sober to be talking about this. Talking about him. Because no one in the group knew why you guys ended it. Just one day you were a happy couple and the next you were packing up and moving into your own brownstone. Sasha took the bottle from you, making you whine. As you tried to reach for it but the former firefighter held it out of reach. Her hand on your chest also keeping you away from it.

“You can get some when you tell us what happened.” She landed down the rule and it makes you groan as you move to lay against the wall. You don't want to talk about it. You just want to wallow and let the scar form on your heart in peace.

A crack of thunder sends the trio onto the back porch of Maggie’s home. Lucky for you guys because moments after; the dark clouds opened up letting down heavy droplets that ping off the porch’s roof. Sasha is distracted by the rain. Asking Maggie if the crops will be ok. Allowing you to snatch the bottle from her hand and take another big glug. The bottle is half gone now. And honestly so are you. The alcohol works fast as your brain starts to go fuzzy. Sasha takes the bottle back slightly annoyed. But it clear the break-up has been hard. So she lets it go.

“You got your drink.” She says putting the cap back on and sitting it to the side out of your reach. “Now tell us what happened.”

“I don’t know.” You sob. You weren’t normally an emotional drunk. But with everything going on with Rick. Tonight you were.

And I know we weren't perfect

But I've never felt this way for no one, oh

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay, now that I'm gone

Maggie held you as you drunkenly cried. Sasha joined you on the other side, rubbing your back. You finally opened up about your breakup with Rick a month ago. You weren’t sure how much they understood because of the loud rain and your blubbering. But either way, they consoled you. Trying to help the only way they could. And the only way they knew how. Simply being there. Because for a month you kept this end. Kept this to yourself. So those outside of the group saw you were fine. The break-up didn’t seem to affect you. You carried on with work. Talked with Rick when it was needed. You acted fine.

But the group knew it. Of course, they knew. It was an act. Because they saw how you were breaking. How you had a longing in your eyes when the cowboy boots-wearing man walked by. The smile that rarely reached your lips. You were faking so much of your joy because your heart was broken.

“I just don’t get how he is so ok. Did I mean nothing?” The two women share a look at your question. Because they also know that Rick isn’t ok. Like you, he is acting. Because he is the leader and can’t break down. But the man isn’t ok. They don’t say that. Rick was the one that ended it. That was on him.

“I don’t know,” Maggie says softly as you rest your head onto her shoulder. “I wish I had the answer for you. But only Rick does.”

Red lights, stop signs

I still see your face in the white cars, front yards

Can't drive past the places we used to go to

'Cause I still fuckin' love you, babe

The street lights are now on. It’s still raining when you tell Maggie you were going home. Sasha and her try to get you to stay the night. Or at least until the rain lets up. But the rain isn't letting up. It was so heavy you could barely see a few steps in front of you. But you step off the back porch and disappear down the alleyway of the lined-up homes. You walk. Just walk because you don’t want to go home just yet. If you go home you’ll be lonely. And you don’t want that. Because for a month you have been lonely in that damn brownstone. Rick wasn’t lonely. He was with Jessie. His arms wrapped around her body. Damn your brain. Just because you didn’t want to be lonely didn’t mean you wanted to think about them together.

The rain started to ease up as you found yourself passing Rick’s house. The lights upstairs were on. As you quickly looked away from the cookie-cutter home. A shiver ran through you and shoved your hands into your soaked jean pockets. Maybe now was a good time to head home. You haven’t even turned when you heard your name being shouted over the rain. Looking back at Rick’s home you see him rushing off the porch and over to you. His dark brown jacket acting as an umbrella. He puts it mostly over you shielding you from the rain.

“What are you doing out here? You're going to get sick.” He frets because he knows how likely that is. Because after the rainstorm when the group was on the trek through Virginia you had gotten sick. “Come on.” He orders and you walk with him toward his house.

Sidewalks we crossed

I still hear your voice in the traffic, we're laughing

Over all the noise

You smile at him lightly as he places a cup of peppermint tea in your hand; you're favorite. You're in one of his white t-shirt and pajama pants. Your hair, no longer wet from the rain but a hot shower. The alcohol is still in your system. How much you don’t know.

“What were you doing walking in the rain?” He questioned taking the seat next to you. His own cup of tea in his hand.

“Was drinking with Sasha and Maggie.” You look towards him as his eyebrows knit together as the mention of Maggie and drinking. “Maggie was moderating us. She wasn’t drinking, come on. She knows better.” Rick nods bowing his head because he does know better to think that about Maggie. But his time as a cop taught him that some people just don’t care. Not about themselves. Not about others. And sure as hell not about kids.

“Where did you get the booze from? Daryl?” You snort at him before blowing on your tea taking a careful sip. Sitting the cup down you look back towards him.

“I ain’t no rat officer.” He chuckles. You both do. A little inside joke between you both. And then the silence fell. The awkward uncertain silence of two people who didn’t know what to say next. You chew on the inside of your cheek as you stare into the tea. Rain still going strong outside, trapping on the roof of your former home. Rick shifts beside you clearing his throat.

“Judy trying to walk.” It makes you smile a bit.

“That’s good. Soon she’ll be running over you and Carl.” The older man chuckles nodding in agreement but you don’t see it. Head still bowed. Turning your mug as you watch the tea shift with each motion.

“Seeing anyone?” He was trying to keep the conversation going. But there had to be another question to ask that wasn’t this. You still answer it by shaking your head.

“No. But you seemed to have moved on.” It has some bite to you. You're bitter. Of course, you are. The man you were in love with. Seemed to easily move on after he ended it. You lift the ceramic mug and take a huge glug of your tea. The warmth fills you but it’s not enough.

“Ya. Jessie, she’s…” He doesn’t know what to say. Jessie is ok. Good to have around. Doesn’t make him feel as empty. But she is just not you. All her touches. All her kisses. They feel off and he knows why. Because the hands touching him aren’t yours. Neither are the lips that kiss him. But Rick is stubborn. Even if it hurts you both, he knows you need better. You deserve the world and he just can’t give it to you.

“She’s perfect.” You looked at him. Sadness, rooted so deeply in your eyes. He wants to pull you into him. Tell you that he is sorry. That he will end it with Jessie. Come back to you. And try to make all of this right. But he already drew his line in the sand and he won’t cross it. Because the moment he touches you he knows it will be his undoing.

“She has her flaws. No one is perfect.” Except for you. He wants to add. He hears a quiet 'ya' then it silence once again.

God, I'm so blue, know we're through

But I still fuckin' love you, babe

You were gone when Rick woke up. His clothes lay on the guest bed since you were dried. He wondered just when you left. He wondered if you slept at all. Because he didn’t. Knowing you were in the house but not in his arms. He was restless the whole night. He sighs. Picking clothes up. It was sad that he hoped this wouldn’t be the last time. But it most likely was going to be the only time. Because how often are you going to walk in the rain drunk? He takes the clothes to the laundry room. Before he throws the shirt in the basket he lifts it to his nose. Inhaling the flowery body wash scent from when you shower last night. You must found where he hid the body wash you left behind.

“Hey, dad!” Carl called out from the kitchen forcing Rick to dump the clothes in the basket. Entering the kitchen he smiled at his son. Judith was already in her high chair waiting for breakfast. Carl stood at the counter. The box of peppermint tea in his hands. Shit. He meant to put that up. Carl’s eye shifts from the box towards the sink. Where the mugs from last night sat unwashed. Then the young man turns to his father.

“Y/n was here wasn’t she?” He questioned but it was really a statement. It is the only reason for this tea to be out with two mugs in the sink.

“Ya,” He replied, moving towards his son and taking the box of tea from his hand. The young man sighed watching his father place the tea on a high shelf so only he could get to it.

“Why?” Carl asked.

“It was raining-”

“No,” he cut his father off. “Why did you break up with her?”

“Carl,” Rick sighed. As he pinched the bridge of his nose. If he didn’t want to have this conversation with Daryl or Michonne. He sure as hell didn’t want it with his son. But like Rick the young survivor was stubborn. He stepped into his father's past every time he tried to move around him.

“Carl,” Rick warns but the boy isn’t back down.

“No. You were happy with Y/n. Happier than I have ever seen you. Even with mom. Even before all of this.” The boy gestures at nothing but Rick knows what he means by that. Because he didn’t want to admit it. But his and Lori’s relationship was at rock bottom before the world ended.

“So why? What happened?” Carl pressed, making Rick sigh. He wondered. Only for a second. If Michonne had put Carl up to his. But he shook that from his head. Michonne won’t do that. This is purely Carl. Because Carl loves you so much. The both of you had apparently clicked before Rick had gotten to the quarry. And that bond only grew over time.

“It’s complicated, Carl. Now please,” Rick needed him to down the subject. And the young boy seemed to understand but is still pissed. He turns from his father. Feet carrying the young boy towards the door. “Where are you going?” He called out.

“Out!” And the slamming door let Rick know that Carl was gone. He sighed.

He knew everyone would move on. You would. Carl would. He would. In the far future, all of this will be just a bad memory. But right now. In the present, it hurt so fucking bad. Tears leaked from his eyes as he sucked in air. He did it to himself. He deserved this pain. And if he could he would take your pain. Allow you to be happy. To find love in someone else better than him. Because you're one of the good things in this ugly world.

I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one

#walking dead #walking dead imagine #walking dead x reader #rick grimes #rick grimes x you #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes x y/n #rick grimes angst

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nevereverlandboys · 3 years ago

Text

Drunken in charge

A/N: So I already posted this on wattpad a while ago. I was busy with learning for my exam, but now I finally managed to edit everything so I can post it on tumblr for those who don't read in wattpad

If you want to get tagged for my oneshots DM me ❤

Pairing: Ouat Felix x Reader

Warnings: Smut, NSFW, fingering, oral, unprotected sex, consuming of alcohol, swearing, really unrealistic sex scene lol, unprotected sex

Summary: Felix is being left in charge for the camp while Pan is absent, so games are off along with every other game. What is there else to do than drink? The second in command uses this opportunity to finally get closer to the reader after being so distant for a long time.

word count: 9968

The Island was harsh and cruel to everyone in an unfair but equal way. Even though the lost boys lived free on Neverland, they still were ruled by the mischievous leader named Peter Pan. Each of them had their own suffering they would not mention to anyone, rather feel the pain alone and the loneliness followed them with every step. But if someone caught Y/N's eye the most, it was the quiet second in command, Felix. He always stayed close to his leader and would always follow his command. His cold facade never told her a single thought, making him special in his own way. He would leave the girl alone and only joined her on missions, but even then, the second in command would remain quiet. Pan on the other hand, tormented Y/N with thousands of useless tasks, while the lost boys worked on their own duties that seemed to make way more fun. No matter how hard she tried, Y/N would never fit in the group of lost boys, their name alone excluded her. None of them treated her fair, always left her out and acted like she was their servant. At first, the boys all seemed curious, and also a little intrigued about her appearance. They wondered why the shadow brought a girl to Neverland and if she would stay forever or just for a while. Their vicious behavior scared her off the first days, keeping her distance in a small tent. There was nothing special about Y/N, and she wondered why Pan brought her here from the beginning. Soon they boys learned that as well, treating her harshly like everybody else. They mocked her for being too weak, being too emotional,- they mocked her for not being a boy. After a while Y/N stopped asking questions and simply agreed to her new life. There were many good things to mention, nothing here was all bad. No one cared about her exploring the island during the day, at least if she did not go too far. If she wanted to cook for herself, there was no one in the way, and if she wanted to read in her tent, they would not enter- also because she was definitely sure Pan forbat it. The lost boy's feared and loved their leader at the same time, the way he let them live the free life they always wanted and not even seeing how dangerous it could be had convinced them. Y/N had distanced herself from them and their cruelty, rarely appeared to any big occasion and rather traveled along the river that ran it's way through the meadow and pastures. It was a surprise when one boy asked her one day to join a game, leaving her startled and unable to answer since no one ever really attempted to talk to the girl. It woke a piece of hope inside her, some of the younger boys already liked Y/N, yet, there was always something suspicious around the older ones.

"C'mon!" The thin boy yelled excitedly and waved his hands through the air, gesturing to follow him.

"This will be fun!"

Y/N avoided the demanding boy and tilted her head while her eyes wandered through the group before they stopped at the second in command, his eyes already burning on her skin when she detected him on his log, not far. His gaze made her nervous, uncomfortable and she questioned the decision to join the game. Something inside her shook the thought off, that Felix would approach her one day for some other reason than Pan made him, or that he would ask her to join a game.

"No…" Y/N answered nervously and looked back to the lost boy, trying to ignore Felix in the back. She did not trust that boy the slightest.

"I have to clean the kitchen." She lied and dropped her gaze to the ground. The boy left as quickly as he came, not even trying to convince her further as if the interest was faked like everything else on this Island. After a while she sat alone in silence, watching the smaller boys play with sticks and some older ones preparing some meat and stickbread for the bonfire. The feeling of being watched did not let go. Y/N tried her best not to look suspicious and quickly let her eyes wander further when she found the guilty boy, Felix.

Why is he still staring at me?

She never found out. The boy stayed exactly where he was and so did Y/N. He would constantly steal a glimpse and for a moment goosebumps spread all over her body, as butterflies rumbled in her stomach. A few days went on and she had catched the second in command staring at her over and over again. Whenever she looked at him, he quickly shifted his eyes somewhere in hope not to be catched. Sitting at the dining table she would catch him, when she did the laundry or cooked in the humble kitchen. The lost boy woke some curiosity inside the girl, the urgent need to know why he would always steal a glimpse, whenever she walked by. He never slipped a nasty comment, definitely strange compared to the other lost boys and their vivid temper. He never approached her or tried to keep up a conversation either. As soon as the sun went down, Pan appeared in front of Y/N's tent, calling her to come out and get some firewood. His second in command stood not far, leaning against the bark of a tree and chewing on a toothpick. He didn't need to wait for his leader's command, already knowing he had to join her.

"Be quick." Pan ordered sternly, pressing his brows together before strutting back to the other boys. Her eyes instantly shifted over to the lanky, blonde boy, a smirk plastered on his pale face. If Pan knew that this was not a good idea? Felix turned on his heels and led the way through the trees uphill where the bushes covered the edges down to the abyss, not looking back once.

"C'mon, girlie." He said.

'Don't call me that!' She snapped back and paced up. The lost boy's camp disappeared on the ground, the higher Y/N followed the path before Felix stopped in front of a dark forest, the leaves swallowing every light before it could touch the ground.

"Princess." Felix corrected cockily, watching her step between the trees. She started to blush and was unable to say something, so she decided to simply ignore the giant boy's nickname for her, no matter how flattering his words seemed. She tried to act tough, tougher than she actually was, in hope he would recognise it.

"How in the hell should we get wood in the dark?' Y/N mumbled as she stared into the pitch black.

"Are you scared?" Felix teased and gave her a smirk. His voice was deep and rough, unsettling but still going like honey through her ears. The girl scoffed at him and rolled her eyes, then led the way with firm steps, not even seeing the ground and suddenly tripping over into a mess of wood.

"Fuck!" She hissed and held her hands to check the unbruised skin. The lost boy started to laugh darkly to himself, before he stepped closer.

"This wood is full of chunks." Felix explained and bent down to pick up the wood. Y/N rose to her feet and grabbed some wood, not saying another word. Felix remained silent as well, heading with heavy back to the camp. After a while he stopped and turned, watched if she could catch up and continued when the girl was close enough. All the time she wanted to talk to him, using the moment all alone with him, but as she hurried to follow the second in command, no single idea for a conversation came to her mind. It was like someone wiped every thought away and replaced it with the heavy drumming of her heartbeat. As soon as she reached the clearing, Felix dropped the wood onto the ground and left them for the other boys to take care of it. Her chunks landed right next to his and she paced up to catch up with the gloomy second in command, when a tight grip on the girl's wrist stopped her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Y/N tilted her head and faced Dave, a tall chubby boy with messy brown hair, his eyes dark and soft like marbles. The lost boy looked like a bear, warm and welcoming, nevertheless it were his words that often scared her off. He only had nasty comments for Y/N, threats and if Pan wouldn't protect her for being a weak girl, the lost boy would probably harm her physically as well.

"The potatoes won't cook themselves!" Dave barked and pushed her harshly away before his eyes wandered over to the kitchen tent. Y/N bit her tongue to stop slipping a nasty comment, marched over to the humble kitchen and let out a growl when she saw the mess inside.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She whined as her eyes wandered over the dirty pots and Pan's, knives and forks along with every spoon. At least it was not stinking and disgusting, easy to wash, yet an avoidable effort if every boy would clean after themselves. But why should they? They had Y/N. Deciding to only clean the essential goods and shoving the other things aside, she opened a little basket with potatoes in it and placed them on the little counter. Like she expected, no one came to help her during the cooking, only one boy showed up to ask if she could hurry up. The same boy did not even thank her when she finally gave them the cooked potatoes half an hour later. The selfish behaviour of these boys was the thing Y/N hated most, more reason to focus on the second in command, the only boy who had never shown her this nasty attitude. While every other boy slowly gathered around the bonfire after they ate, Felix stayed where he was. He did not dance like the others and Y/N was not even sure if he could hear what the boys claimed to hear. Pan once said, his flute was special and the girl was supposed to hear her too. None of them had an explanation, still, it did not seem like the first time for Pan, seeing something like this.

The girl's eyes darted back to Felix, his eyes already burning on her skin and she instantly moved her head to make it look less obvious. The tempting idea of walking over to him burned inside her guts, but with all those boys around, she was like being frozen in place. The second in command never talked to her when it was not necessary, not even one muscle in his face twitched when he interacted with the others. Still, something inside Y/N pulled her towards him from the beginning, as if his attempt to block her out was even more tempting. When she distanced herself from the bonfire back to her tent, Felix stayed at his seat instead of following her like she had imagined he would do. A little disappointed she went to bed and kept twirling all her thoughts around the mysterious second in command. There were so many questions about him. No one ever understood Felix, maybe not even Pan, although they were closer to each other than no one else on this whole Island.

The following days Pan left Felix in charge, going on a mission by himself. The absence of Neverland's leader made itself noticeable first, when the lost boys stopped playing their big games and went directly to their duties, almost no words slipping from their usually loud mouths as they worked in silence. The day had started boring for everyone on it, Pan was already away for a few days, so Felix was fully in charge. Games were off, along with parties and especially dances in the evening. If Y/N could tell, the dances were the most annoying thing to the second in command, the thing he hated the most. Felix did not like the idea of taking care of anybody else but himself. So it came that even after weeks, Y/N had barely exchanged some words with him. He would simply avoid her and in case of sharing a task, just stare at her in curiosity. It was a lie to say he did not make her nervous, even when it was not in a scary way. The second in command was weird in any way and whenever he built himself up in front of her, she and broad, he made her look even shorter than she actually was. A feeling almost pleasant instead of scary. It was like something pulled her towards the cold lost boy, but the lack of courage would not let her talk to him. If he felt the same?

Felix was intimidating to look at, it was like something was wrong with his face but Y/N could never tell what. His high pitched cheeks were sharp and narrow and there was an awful scar running along his left cheek up to his brows like an 'x'. The most creepy things were his eyes though, whenever she looked into them, she was willingly drowning in a cold puddle that dragged her deeper in. They pierced her, as if he knew every secret inside the girl's head. Nevertheless, he was not ugly, rather pretty to look at. When his blonde hair hung messy over his face and the way he smelled. Whenever she walked past him, she would smell pinewood and musk. Even though he was well known for his cruelty, the lost boy never raised his hand against Y/N, nor called her nasty things like the others did. She was not even sure on how to do it anyways. Felix always looked busy or like he did not want anyone to speak to him. When she thought of it, the girl could not remember one single boy really talking to the second in command except Pan, but then again,- they only talked about plans and other secrets. He was a mystery of his own, a riddle for Y/N to solve. She glanced over to him and saw that he was carving something into a piece of wood. The lanky lost boy had distanced himself from the other boys, having his seat on a log as closest to the forest as possible. Maybe she could strike a conversation about his passion for carving? He was doing that almost everyday without talking about it and when she thought about it, she had never seen the final results. After a while, courage overcame her, so she stood up and walked slowly into Felix's direction, already noticing in the corner of her eyes the disapproving and concerned looks of some boys. They started to talk quietly to each other and she instantly knew it was about her. Their eyes burned more on Y/N's skin with each step further towards Felix, making her feel nervous and jumpy. Rolling with her eyes at them, she still marched to the lanky blonde boy, stopping when she was close enough to him. The heads of the lost boys instantly shot away, as if they felt too scared to let Felix know about their curiosity when he lifted his heavy head from his broad shoulders.

Felix's eyes darted up, his mouth shut tight and his facial expression went blank like always. His look told Y/N that he was strong, but never how he felt. She tried to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat. Unable to speak, she stared with a deadpan face back at the second in command, trying to find an excuse for her behaviour. The idea with the wood seemed so dumb suddenly and she wished she could just melt into the ground or simply disappear as the lost boy stared back at her, locking their eyes and waiting for her to say something.

"Have you seen Pan?" Y/N choked out and sounded calmer than she expected to be. The blonde boy raised an eyebrow suspiciously and nodded behind him into the dark forest. Big trees hovered high up into the sky, all around the clearing, hiding every view. It was pitch black. Y/N swallowed at the sight of the dark woods and she shook her head slowly, feeling so scared of the unknown dangers. There was no reason for her to see Pan, the leader was not a pleasant person himself and the lie only made her more anxious.

"I think it wasn't important anyways." She mumbled unsure and turned around, feeling how her whole face heatened up at the fact that she talked to the mysterious second in command. Suddenly, the tall boy grabbed her by the wrist, causing her to turn and face him again.

"I'll bring you to him, if you feel scared to go alone." He said dry and rose to his feet, tall and intimidating. The girl was so small next to him, peeking up to him again as her limbs lightly started to tremble. Felix glanced down at her and again, she shook her head slowly. The girl did not know if he simply did not notice it, but when the lost boy shoved her into the pitch black, terror overcame her. What was he doing? Not daring to say a word, before the light around her vanished, she only felt the lost boy's hand on her back as he pushed her gently forwards. Her heart was pounding so hard, she feared he might feel it. Where the hell would he bring her? Where was Pan all the time?

"Don't." Y/N winced and turned on her heels, running past Felix back into the camp. The lost boy instantly jumped around and stormed after her, chasing her across the clearing towards some big trees. She tripped over one of their big roots, almost crashing down but still finding her balance. This was the moment Felix jumped at the girl, crashing down with her, his heavy weight pressing the air out of her lungs. The lost boy spun her around and pinned her arms down on the floor before she could take a sharp inhale. Y/N tried to free herself in panic, but she could not move at all, when the slender boy straddled her and held her down. The colours in Y/N's face faded away and her heart pumped wild inside her as if it were about to explode, unable to tell if she felt excited or scared. Maybe a healthy mix of both. She was sure he did not want to hurt her. Frankly, he never did.

"Why in the hell are you running from me." He asked angry, slightly confused and she thought even a bit hurt as he pressed his brows strictly together.

"Don’t hurt me." She muttered and the pale boy frowned. He loosened his grip and swiftly rose to his feet and pulled his hood back over his head, then strutted quickly away, not even giving her a last glance.

That was strange, she thought. Her heart was still beating furiously. What happened? The lost boy scared her and made her feel like burning at the same time. She took a deep breath and raised to her feet, wiping the dirt off her clothes. Felix was a strange guy and he only confused Y/N. Why did he just stand up and leave? She was not dumb and clearly could add two and two together. But it could not be that the second in command had some interest in her, why should he? The boy barely spoke to the girl, even when they had chores together. Y/N remembered one of the first days, when Pan sent them both to get some dreamshade and the tall blonde did not even let her near one of those plants, not even mentioning why. When he held the filled glasses, the boy walked a big distance between her back to camp, giving her the feeling of not being wanted. Later she had learned the dangers of it and Felix's strange behaviour now. It was an easy addition but she needed to be sure, not even knowing how to deal with this information.

If I am right.

The next day Felix clearly avoided her. Whenever he felt like she was too close, the lost boy would quickly find another place to go. She did not want to ask any of the boys about it, not wanting them to know, but it was obviously something off. They would not answer her anyways, only giving her questioning looks. After that weird situation in the evening before, the second in command completely vanished. There was no big effort to look for him and when the girl went to bed, she completely forgot about him. He had not given her any duties yet, so she took her chance and left the camp to take a shower and later gather some fruits and seeds, everything edible the Island would offer her without having to kill. She did not know how to hunt and was not sure if she could even catch an animal. Peter once told her that his best man would teach her to hunt, but Felix always seemed to be so busy that she simply never asked him to. At first she had avoided the blonde, lanky boy, not knowing his temper. He had scared her so much but now she could not stop thinking of how he had straddled her and how much she liked it. This was stupid. She barely knew Felix and still Y/N pictured herself with him in so many daydreams now. It was always easier to dream about someone and she was not crazy enough to consider anything about the rough boy. But where would he be? What is he doing right now? God, she needed to stop thinking about Felix. She was overthinking.

The time passed by and Y/N found herself at the clearing again, watching two boys fight in the distance, with a small crowd around to cheer their violence. Her eyes wandered over the whole area, searching for the second in command. He sat far away next to a few older lost boys that hollered around while drinking some rum. Since Felix would not let them do anything, the only possible solution for the boys was to drink and do stupid things that would not bother the tall scarred one. They were drinking more alcohol than any adult could ever handle. The girl's eyes shifted over the group, seeing how they stumbled and swayed around. Felix sat on a log with his own bottle of rum in his hands, he kept his distance from the other boys, observing them with a blank expression but it was visible that he was drunk, too. When he saw Y/N entering the camp, the second in command's head spun around, meeting her gaze and she could swear his face lightened up.

"Y/N!" Someone big yelled excitedly and jumped at her from the side, almost swaying her off her feet before she could even think of the name "Felix".

"Drink with us!" The chubby boy cheered with a dizzy voice. His dark, bushy eyebrows hung deep over his small eyes and he wrinkled his nose, making a nasty, slimy sound, reminding her of a mull. He was not pretty to look at, mean and vicious, sometimes insulting for no reason. He was that kind of a boy who would mock one and still complain when they did not want to be his friend.

"No, tha-"

"DRINK!" The chubby boy repeated himself more aggressively and grabbed Y/N's wrist to stop her from leaving before she could even try getting away. His fat fingers would definitely leave a mark later as she furiously tried to yank herself free.

"YOU ARE HURTING ME!" Y/N whined and buried her nails into his wrist, but the lost boy would not let go.

"It will be fun! Don't be such a lame ass." He gave back and tightened his grip. Felix, who had watched the whole scene from a distance, immediately jumped to his feet and stormed towards them, yanking the boy away and threw him violently into the mud. He gave him the most powerful kick that his anger would provoke, that the sound of the fat lost boy's scream caught everyone's attention.

"I will snap your fucking neck!" Felix threatened so calmly that the other boys would not even hear it as he pressed his jaw together, his hands forming into fists that his knuckles turned white. The chubby moonface groaned dizzy and turned onto his stomach, trying to lift himself drunkenly out of the sludge. With a closer look, Y/N understood why they all called him Piggy, instead of Mull. He turned his head confused around before he would drop back onto the ground again. The girl's eyes widened at the sight of this cruelty, even though she felt relieved and maybe a little entertained to see Piggy like this. He truly deserved it. On the other hand, she wondered why Felix came so quickly to help after he had tried his best to get out of her way. Y/N's cheeks burned up and she knew it would be the perfect moment to talk to him.

"Go." Felix said. He turned to her and shoved her gently away from the boys towards the tents. His big hand warmed her comfortably on her back, waking the butterflies in her stomach and causing her to shiver. The second in command rested one one of his arms on the girl's shoulder to keep his balance as he swayed between the tall bushes forwards between the trees.

"You should go to sleep." The lost boy said huskily, stopping in front of her tent, his grey eyes staring at the closed curtains. The excitement inside Y/N turned into disappointment when she saw where this actually went, so she stared irritated at the tent as Felix pulled his arm away and stepped away, slowly heading back.

"I am not tired!" Y/N gave back and knitted her brows together, confused why he just left her now. He could have stayed at the camp instead of joining her in the first place. Why come all this way up here? Felix's head spun around before turning back to stop right in front of the girl. He bent down to face her and made it possible to smell the alcohol in his breath as she stared into his gray eyes illuminated by the pale moonlight. The messy, ashen hair hung half over his face,- Y/N liked so many things about him and right now he was so perfect. He has never been that close before, except when he had tackled her.

"The boys aren't so well behaved," The second in command snickered. "Especially not in that state."

Y/N giggled when she thought of Felix acting like he was a good boy, after all those terrible things he did. There was a reason why he was second in command of this brutal gang and he proved it by the way he treated Piggy.

"And you're not?" She gave back quite bravely, raising an eyebrow cockily. Felix chuckled low to himself, slightly shaking his head before he gave her a smirk, showing his white palette of perfectly lined up teeth.

"If you want me to," Felix purred and wiggled with his brows. "I'll be whatever you want."

The girl felt goosebumps spread all over her body at his words and for a moment, she just stared speechless back at him, unable to say a word and wanting nothing more than kissing those pink lips. Felix was drunk, he could not think straight and definitely did not mean what he said. The lost boy's breath tickled hers and she noticed how close he was and how she just had to lean in, to steal a kiss. There was no way she would risk it, well aware that Pan loved games and she could not let the thought go, his best man would love them as well.

"Do you have any suggestions?" She asked as her nose touched his, her lips almost on his as she gently ran her hands over his chest. Felix ignored the question, moving instinctively and rough, grabbing Y/N's neck and pulling her in to close the distance between their mouths. His tongue was warm and tasted like liquor, still it did not bother her at all, when he vividly explored the inside of her mouth. Felix's hands vanished under her hair, grabbing her head and pressing the girl firmer against him while his intoxicated mind led his actions. Y/N gasped surprised into the kiss, not expecting him to do this even though it was what she wished for. Felix was way taller than her and for the moment he was forced to bend down at her height, holding her in his broad arms that pressed her tightly against his chest. When Felix’s pulled away, his eyes were still shut and he ran his thumb over Y/N's lips, licking his own and let out a gasp when he realised that he did not only imagined to do that. Then his eyes widened and she could see that he realised for the first time what just happened, what he just did.

"Sorry…" Felix mumbled unbelievingly and shook his head with widened eyes. He pushed her harshly away and rose to his feet, quickly checking full terror if someone had watched it.

"I was-" Felix spoke hoarse and slowly took a step back, then another one, a few more, until he turned on his heels and sprinted quickly away, not finishing what he tried to say.

Y/N stood there for a moment as if she were stuck in place, not able to process what just happened. With a swift movement she stormed through the curtains of her tent towards her bed to hide under the covers. She grabbed a pillow, held it against her face and screamed inside it. It was hard to tell if she felt excited or embarrassed. Felix kissed her, so why should she be worried about something? Maybe it was a test and she failed? Hell no, that would be some serious bullshit if that were the first explanation and she had seen his reaction. The way he held her and how he tasted heatened her up. Every cell inside her body craved for more.

No, what are you doing, she thought and shook her head, replaying that scenario in her head over and over again like a broken record. With a swift move she rolled onto her back and stared up at the curtain ceiling, hoping to find an answer to what her next step could be. If the lost boys would find out, they would never stop talking about it, maybe even start to think she was easy to have. Y/N gulped and squinted her eyes at the thought of them all trying to hit on her. Felix was different though. He was tall and intimidating, his cold stare would pierce through her with a burning desire and his smell intoxicated her mind. Whenever he was around, she could barely think straight, desperately wanting to figure out what laid beneath that cold facade. Never in a thousand years, she could have guessed that he liked her back. On the other hand, he was not able to make proper decisions drunkenly and maybe Y/N was encouraging herself too much. There was almost nothing she knew about the tall boy and falling for him that fast could only harm herself in the end.

Y/N closed her eyes and brought her fingers to her lips, touching them, while imaging to feel Felix's on them again and remember what they tasted like. The second in command barely spoke to her and now that? There was definitely more behind it. It had to. Her other hand slowly wandered over her stomach to pull up the dress, slipping a finger inside to play with herself. It was not the first time she thought of him while touching herself, but this time something was off. Deep inside her something stopped Y/N, no matter how aroused she already was. She needed to talk to Felix. Under no circumstances she would let him ignore her for days again. Yanking the blanket away, Y/N jumped out of the bed and eagerly left the tent, turning her head furiously around to find the tall boy. He did not sit next to the others anymore and when she walked downhill to his cabin, she could feel her heart pumping furiously inside her chest. The girl stopped in front of the wooden door to knock and when no one answered she knocked again.

"Felix!" She tried to be as loud as she could be while still not attracting someone else's attention. There was still no answer and she felt dumb for even thinking it was as easy as this to find him after the previous events. He could not be far, the lost boys still needed someone who had an eye on them before someone could get hurt. Their hollering was still audible and the bonfire in the distance let Y/N see a few of them behind the bushes. For a moment she thought of going back to the clearing again, hoping to find Felix there, but the thought of meeting Piggy alone now was no good.

"Y/N." The girl suddenly heard Felix’s raspy voice behind her and she turned dazzled around, the warmest smile sitting on her lips.

Felix swayed dizzily into her direction, closing the gap between them two while he tried to keep his balance. The lost boy's head was too high up, making it impossible to steal a kiss from him now.

"What are you doing here? I told you to sleep." He asked nervously and pulled her away from his cabin towards the trees, his head constantly turning to look if someone watched. When he placed his hand on the girl's back again, his touch sent electric waves through her spine and she wondered how his slender finger would feel on her bare skin.

"Did you drink more?" She asked, noticing how he swayed more and the second in command vividly shook his head in response, grinning like a small boy on a sunny day.

"You have."

"No."

"Yes."

"Uh-Uh."

"I can cleanly tell-"

"I am-," Felix grabbed Y/N gently by the back of her neck and pulled her in, his face coming closer again. "-Not. Drunk."

She started to laugh and leaned into his grip, bringing her own hand up to touch his scar. Felix's blue eyes melted when he felt her fingers, closing them and relaxing as her touch traced as light as a feather down his skin. He relaxed for a moment and enjoyed the touch on his scarred skin, before he suddenly woke out of trance.

"The boys better not see us." He cleared his throat and broke apart, letting go of her.

"No one saw us, Felix." His name echoed through the dark forest like honey and Y/N grabbed his hand tight- she was way smaller than his. The girl felt Felix's breath in her face, how his nose almost touched hers and before he could do anything she had already closed the gap between them two, pressing her lips against his. Felix moaned surprised into her mouth but instantly grabbed her cheeks and slid his tongue inside. She could still taste the liquor and wondered if she might have taken advantage of this situation. The tall boy's moans told her otherwise. He moved his hands slowly towards the girl's waist down to her ass, cupping it rough while her smell intoxicated his senses.

"We shouldn't." He whispered and she heard him move even though it was too dark to see. Nevertheless Felix pressed himself harder against her and she felt through his pants how hard he already was from only kissing.

"Why not." She breathed against his neck, leaving a trail of kisses.

"The boys," Felix said, his eyes rolling back with a soft moan when he felt her tongue on his throat. It was enough to convince the second in command, his fingers wandered over her delicate body, burying them inside her tender flesh. It's been a long time since someone touched Y/N and she could not resist the lost boy's demanding hands. He lifted her dress and wandered with his palm over her skin to the rim of the underwear, enjoying the small moans when his fingers wandered further to her inner thigh, drawing invisible circles on it.

"Felix…" His grip tightened when he heard the girl purr his sweet name in the most delicious way and he almost could not hold himself back to tear her clothes off right at this place. The lost boy dared to slip one of his fingers inside Y/N's panties and when she did not complain, he pushed his slender index inside of her, feeling how her soft walls tightened around him. If Felix had not realised it earlier, he knew at least by now how much she craved him when he felt how wet she already was. Y/N let out a gasp when he started to push his long finger in and out of her, causing the girl's legs to tremble and her knees to shiver in excitement. She closed her eyes, giving up trying to see something in the dark as she melted into Felix's arms, her face sliding down onto his shoulder. She found her balance by grabbing the lost boy's leg and then she realised that he was kneeling in front of her. Y/N was actually glad that the surroundings were pitch black, feeling her cheeks heating up in embarrassment from her uncontrollable sweet moans. Before she would absolutely lose her mind, the girl managed to push the lost boy slightly away from her while her hands moved down to his belt. Her fingertips ran over the leather and the lost boy instantly frowned at her touch, his whole body stiffened and he stopped moving for a second.

"W-wait." He stammered, the adrenaline pushing the dizziness of the alcohol away. "I-I… never…" he continued and stopped, his hands wrapped around Y/N's wrist, insecurities overwhelming him as he held her in a safe distance. Now she really wished to see his face, well aware that he must look like earlier when he kissed her, startled and somehow shy.

"Well," she replied after a small pause, her voice echoing clear through the night, "Neither have I."

There was an awkward silence between them two and if the lost boy would not hold her by her hips, she would probably believe he was gone by now. The second in command was embarrassed for no reason, what did he fear? Y/N had no clue how to do this and if she was honest, it was way more appealing that Felix was a virgin, too, even though she did not expect that. All the time she thought he was so confident and now he was so vulnerable to her. The lost boy still did not speak, so she bent into another kiss, hoping to catch his lips in the dark. Felix gasped when he felt her lips on his scar and pulled the girl back in. This was good, they did not need to talk- should not talk. It would only make this weird. Talking would come naturally. Felix grabbed Y/N's hands gently and brought them back to his belt for her to continue what she had started. She let her fingers trail over the leather to his buckle to open it, enjoying the moment when she opened the button of his pants and slowly pulled down his zipper. The lost boy moaned inside her mouth when she slid her hand into his pants, pumping his hardened cock as best as the tight cotton would allow her to. Felix noticed her struggle and broke apart from the kiss to lift himself up and take off his clothes. Y/N heard how each piece of clothing dropped onto the ground while she waited to be told to do the same.

"Should I keep my dress on or-"

"Keep it on." Felix ordered and chuckled to himself, then pulled her back against him, his cock pressing against her stomach. The lost boy let his hands slide under the girl's dress and pulled down her panties for more access, then kneeled naked in front of her while his fingers did their magic. They felt so long and strange, making Y/N wonder if she could even handle Felix's cock. He already felt so big in her hand when she touched him again, fully exposed and hardened. The lost boy lifted one of her legs over his broad shoulder and before Y/N could even figure out what he was doing, Felix pressed his tongue against her clit. She let out a surprised gasp and giggled at the ticklish sensation. The lost boy felt how tense her leg was and reached for the girl's hand, holding it and drawing invisible circles on her palm.

"Relax." He lifted his head and lightly squeezed her fingers, caressing it a little, then pushed his mouth against her slit, his hot breath warming her as his tongue slid over her clit. The comfort of his touch relaxed Y/N instantly as if the lost boy had enchanted her somehow. He pressed his rough tongue harder against her, burying his face between her legs as he ate her out. The girl could not control herself to keep her from moaning, but led the boy's pace with it, whenever something felt good. He buried his nails into the tender flesh of her thighs and with a swift move he pushed the girl down onto the ground, pushing his fingers faster into her. She could not tell which was tongue or fingers, the overflowing sensation spread inside her body up to her eyes as she felt how she got closer to her orgasm. When Felix’s jaw started to ache he broke apart, breathing heavily and leaving Y/N craving for more on the cold ground in the exact moment she would almost finish. Without saying a word the lost boy pulled himself up to her, placing some sloppy kisses on her mouth before placing his arms next to her, so that his weight would not be too much.

"I want you so much." He panted while he slowly let his thumb circle over her aroused clit.

"Felix-" She pressed her lips onto his and stroked his hardened dick and pulled his torso closer to lead him to her wet entrance. The lost boy let out an uncontrollable moan as he pressed his dick against her dripping slit that already craved him so hard, slowly gliding in to make the girl feel every piece of his mighty cock. He stayed in this position for a moment to adjust this feeling and Y/N felt herself tighten around him, excitement overwhelming her body along with the smell of the lost boy intoxicating her mind.

"Fuck!" Felix hissed as he started to move in a steady motion. His lips caught her once more, pulling her into a long, passionate kiss. Y/N took a sharp breath and pushed her hand against his abdomen, when the lost boy moved, feeling like getting torn apart by him. The lost boy stopped for a moment, shoving one arm under her neck to hold her while his lips softly traced over her chest. After a short moment, Felix moved again. Y/N buried her nails into his skin and rolled her eyes back as the lost boy thrusted into her core, slowly feeling herself relaxing in this position after a few strokes. The pain faded away and she melted into Felix's body as if he was meant to hold her. The sweetest words kept unsaid, too embarrassing, too emotional, still, there was something inside them both that felt more than just enjoying sex. It was Felix who took her virginity and the thought of being the one who took his let her heart skip faster. The second in command felt like a dream,- his sweaty, hot skin pressed tight against hers, his abs flexed and hardened during every move and he was just so fucking tall. Felix moved both of his hands down and cupped her naked butt, lifting Y/N up and pressing her against the bark of a tree. He buried his fingers into her tender flesh and left a trail of kisses on her neck as far as he would reach her. The lost boy held Y/N as if she weighed nothing, pressing her body tightly against his skin. She could not resist sinking her teeth into his neck, sucking on the delicate spot until she was sure he would not leave without a mark. As soon as Felix realised what she was doing, he pulled her head back by her hair. To his own surprise, she let out a light moan, feeling even more excited from his big hand in them.

"The boys can't know." Felix purred into Y/N's ear before he licked over her neck, sinking his teeth lightly into her shoulder to hold him back from letting out another moan.

"Harder!" The girl commanded for Felix's surprise, who had already thought he was already being too rough with her. The lost boy followed the order, pressing himself tighter against her before he paced up, pumping in and out. The sudden sensation flooded Y/N's body and she knew there was something building up inside her, an indescribable feeling of being high. Felix moans got higher, sometimes even stuck in his throat and she was sure he was close too and that he desperately wanted to climax. Before she could realise it, Felix swayed them back onto the ground, gripping her ankles and pressing them against his legs as she wrapped her arms around his neck to capture the lost boy in another kiss.

"I am almost-" Felix spoke in a hoarse tone. It was so dark and Y/M really wished she could see his face at this moment. Felix was so vulnerable right now and even though his moans were the most beautiful melody in her ears, just the thought of a short glimpse of his face made her feel hotter.

"Felix." She purred when he suddenly hit a spot that would not stop making her feel like being on ecstasy.

"I-." She gasped when the knot inside her stomach released and she felt her orgasm roaring through her body with thousands of tiny, electric waves. Jaw clenched and eyes pinched, Felix gave it to her in short, powerful bursts, filling her up with throbbing pumps. His abs flexed and his hands tightened around her ankles. He cursed. His body tensed, and she swore she felt his cock pulsing inside of her as he came in waves, thrusting in and out until he felt himself getting soft.

"Fuck…" Felix let her legs fall to the side as he bent to rest his head on her sweaty chest. "That was…"

She combed her fingers through his messy hair, almost out of words how incredibly good she felt. "That was something."

"Yeah." He kissed the spot between her breasts, "It was."

Felix pulled his dick out, not even seeing the mess he made but still wanting more. Neither of them wanted that night to end and for a while, Felix tried to find his clothes and Y/N thought of how she would clean herself up.

"C'mon." Felix whispered and she heard him step away.

"Wait!" Y/N called and quickly grabbed her underwear- well, the only choice right now-, cleaning herself with it, before running after the tall blonde and crashing into his back.

"Easy, love." He chuckled and grabbed her under one of his arms and strutted towards the dark in one direction, knowing this place perfectly, even drunkenly and without light.

"Where are we going?" The girl asked after what felt like an eternity for her, but in reality it was just a few minutes. The trees left some space for the moonlight now and gave her a chance to take a peak from the second in command's happy face. His cheeks were dyed a deep scarlet and his hair hung messy and full sweat down his face.

"Trust me." He said and paced a little up before he came to halt in front of a big tree, the ladder up to it vanished behind some leaves. Felix climbed up first and lifted the girl up into the tree house when reached the trap door. Felix moved towards a small night desk and lit up a candle. As soon as the light flooded the room, Y/N saw the small cot and a self-made desk under one of the closed windows.

"I built it myself." The lost boy grinned and proudly watched the awe in her face. She swirled around and looked at some little carvings that were placed on the wooden table. Some of them looked like her. When Y/N's eyes detected the little sculpture, she finally understood why she never saw the results and why he burned one earlier. The girl turned around to say something, but Felix stopped her immediately. Before she could say anything, Felix dropped down onto one knee and pulled her into a kiss. His tongue slid over her lips, begging for permission to enter. Without thinking about it, she opened her mouth and felt the lost boy's hand on her hips, pressing her against his body.

"I never thought you would like me too." Felix moaned and eagerly kissed his way down her neck, back to her face and lips, repeating the same thing on the other side and showing how hungry he still was for the girl. Felix clearly had not been touched in a while, just like Y/N, so it was quite natural that they immediately would have a moment like this sooner or later. But why Felix? What was about him that made Y/N constantly crave more, causing her to feel like an addict without his drugs, whenever his lips left hers? Her cheeks heated up and she smiled in the kiss, thinking of the previous events, how Felix's hands felt on her skin. It was special to be with him and the girl's instincts told her that it was more than just sex, that Felix wanted more, too.

"I want you again." Felix licked over his lips and looked at Y/N through half-opened eyes before he slowly melted back into another kiss, this time slow and passionate, synchronising with her while his hands moved down her hips and legs. He gently rubbed his hand against her inner thigh and wandered towards her crotch, to shove a finger inside her still wet hole. He smirked dirty when he felt his mess. Y/N wanted him so much, just like he craved her, maybe even a little more.

"I want to get naked all night long." Felix purred as he pushed his fingers inside and out of Y/N, her light moans echoing in his ears. Without further commands, the girl slipped the dress over her shoulder, letting it elegantly slide down her now exposed body. Felix's cheeks flushed up into the deepest red, his eyes admiring every sight of her that he desired for so long, and truth be told, he was in awe. When the cotton touched the floor, the lost boy grabbed for the hem of his own shirt and ripped it off, then quickly unbuttoned his pants before he crossed them with his underwear through the room. When Felix pinned her down and pulled Y/N into another kiss, he was already hard again, his hot skin burning against hers as her mind drifted off into a feeling of ecstasy. The way Felix's hands trailed down her body gave her chills once more, kept her warm and made her feel wanted.

"Pan would kill us for this." She mumbled into the kiss when the girl thought of how he protected her earlier, something he never did before and sure did not keep unnoticed to the other boys as well. It worried Y/N for a moment, thinking about how Pan always found out every secret, no matter how little it was. And this was definitely not a small secret, something that could be obvious to others. Or maybe Y/N was just paranoid.

"Relax." Felix said, frowning at her words as if the same thought had bothered him for a while now, too. "He isn't here. He won't find out."

The blonde boy rolled over onto his back, pulling the girl with him so she would straddle him. The light of the candle danced over his sharp features, letting it shine in an orange light that spread down to his muscles, constantly catching her eyes as if they were glued on him. Felix always looked beautiful in the orange light of the fire. Every night she would catch herself staring at him. He was perfect.

"You look so beautiful." Felix whispered more to himself than to her, then wiped some hair out of her face. "Unbelievable that someone like you chose someone weird like me."

Before Y/N could correct him, the second in command already captured her lips with his own, burying one hand in her hair while he kneaded one of her breasts with the other one. His words only flattered the girl and she felt the burning desire to finally be one with him again and melt into his body. Felix gasped at her touch and moaned into her mouth when she wrapped her hand around his dick, slowly pumping up and down while gently rubbing at the delicate tip. His member felt long and thick in her hands, but did not scare her off like earlier. Placing the tip at her wet entrance, she slowly slid down onto him, relieved that the lost boy did not push against back,. The stretching feeling made her feel like getting torn apart all over again and she gave herself a moment to adjust to the size. The lost boy rolled his eyes back and shut them with a loud moan when he felt her walls tightened around, rubbing his thumbs against the tender flesh of her hips, when she finally started to slowly move up and down. Seeing the ruthless second in command like this was really stunning and lovely to look at. Felix's mouth was slightly agape and the muscles on his forehead were constantly twitching, moving his eyebrows constantly around. Never had Y/N seen so much emotion in his face before. She pressed her body against the lost boy and sucked at the tender part of Felix's neck. The lost boy used that moment as a chance to turn her over, holding Y/N tight in his arm, the other one holding his weight so he would not suffocate her while he was pumping in and out. Y/N moaned in ecstasy and ran her hands over his muscular back, feeling his skin against them and how his sweat dropped onto her body. She placed her legs on each side of his, clearly noticing the height difference and feeling like a delicate doll as he embraced her. Felix paced up and she rolled her eyes back when he entered in another angle to come even deeper. She never wanted this to stop and kept feeling how the lost boy filled her with his thick manhood, smelling his scent and feeling his hot skin burning against hers. Felix kissed his way down to her chest and caught one of her nipples between his lips, lightly starting to suck on them and intensing it with each time he thrusted in. These were the final strokes that caused Y/N's legs to shiver and tense up every muscle in her body as her climax roared through her whole body, up into her eyes into the back of her head. The lost boy grabbed Y/N's shoulders and when he came, too, the light of the candles danced in his beautiful, scrunched up face. It was a lie to say she did not like that view and the squeaking sound he made when Felix felt his orgasm deep inside her with throbbing pumps. Felix rolled next to the girl, trying to catch his breath and when he did so, he grabbed a towel from the bed for her.

"We could have used the bed." Y/N broke the soothing silence after a while and Felix chuckled, then nodded in agreement.

"Next time." He grinned, pulling his boxers up and placing himself back onto the ground. His eyes did not stop looking at the girl while she grabbed her dress and pulled it back over herself. For a long time they just looked at each other, laughing and giggling, kissing each other but remaining silent. This was clearly something none of them expected to happen.

"What do you see in me?" Y/N suddenly asked, caughting the lost boy off guard, his facial expression went into full confusion. It took him a moment to think about her question before he simply smiled. His eyes would always melt at her sight and in that moment she needed no words from him to realise how much he was in love with her. The lost boy pulled Y/N closer to him and placed her head against his chest, lifted her on his arms and carried her to the bed where he would let himself fall onto the soft mattress. His legs hung over the wooden frame as he gently rubbed his hands over her back while listening to the beat of his heart.

"I would never let anyone harm you." His voice was just a warm breeze on her earlobe, tickling her like a gentle kiss.

"What about Pan?" She asked after a while and took a glimpse at his relaxed face and how her question did not seem to have woken any worries inside him now. He had brushed it off earlier.

"I think, actually, he knew way before me." Felix chuckled low and shook his head unbelieving. "He gave me a chance I got wasted."

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