#i need to gather my thoughts a little
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So Kiss of Death rewrote Turlough's backstory. I have no evidence of intent here, but I swear it all fits and I'll explain later.
#vislor turlough#is this a conspiracy theory?#turlough and the earthlink dilemma#kiss of death#the hot one and the cold one sort of#i'll explain later#i need to gather my thoughts a little#but it's pretty wild
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(yes I know siffrins cloak grows sleeves when its convenient but I wanna play around with this)
#also the cloak IS crafted to grow with him so I guess it being able to grow sleeves when he needs em might not be entirely untrue#tbh when I heard his cloak can grow with him my first thought was to have everyone gather under it and stretch it like a parachute lol#I think the one with like two folds stitched together to make impromptu sleeves makes more sense..#the holes are big enough to quickly fit your arms thru so its more suitable#the witch hat cloaks are designed so that witches can draw their spells without anybody seeing so its specifically to hide the users hands#siffrin doesnt necessarily need to hide his hands but he doesn’t like to be touched so I guess it just has to cover his body than hide it#idk anything about sewing or tailoring though so this is all my imagination. i dont actually know if this would work or not lol#my art#myart#doodles#I got thru a little bit more of the game and I’m coping. I’m coping#I’m imagining siffrin suplexing loop for my own sanity#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin
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You ever wonder why we’re here?
#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#tedlassoedit#flashing gif#m*ne#mine: lasso#teddy boy#k i think I’ve sort of gathered my thoughts a little#if this set even makes sense lol#he's just so unmoored.... (can't remember what he used to fight for)#(taylor always relevant)#but i feel like they've seeded all these little reminders of why he came and why he's stayed#that there's this community of people who need and value him#that there are things worth striving for#'you ever wonder why we're here coach?'#'in london or on earth?'#'well both i guess'#who is he after burning himself down last season??? what gives his life purpose and meaning now?#i'm excited to find out!!!
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COC 30: Crack
Okay so it's just pencil BUT omg I read Fifty Names for a Cat (which I somehow didn't see before today) and I had to. No time to re-read for fact checking cause I want the last day on time, so hopefully nothing too wrong... (what time period is What Remains After the Storm??)
does this count as crack? maybe. anyway. some love to the changeling
#while I was trying to draw the changeling I showed it to my mom because I thought it looked a little dog-ish#and she said he looked like a weasel lol#family gathering today BUT#here#final day????#where's my cat when I need I reference#it's fine he doesn't like being held anyway#COC 2023#Carry On Countdown
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[little vent -- tldr definitely not gonna have the planned art ready for the renniversary lol.]
me: "oh hell yeah i'll have a dog-sitting "job" for the next few days, so i'll have plenty of time to work on the art leading up to friday :) "
the dogs: untrained, poorly behaved, require constant attention (not their fault but it's the reality of the situation)
so uh. i might have some simple chibi art for friday if i have enough energy between putting the dogs to bed and going to sleep hghghghgh ;;;;; i'll finish the more detailed pics as i have the time and energy :')
#(edit: just to be clear -- the 'job' is in quotes only bc in my case i'm not being paid as much as a proper job LOL LMAO. :') )#the last post abt this was more 'i'm giving myself an out if i can't do it'. now it's 'i can't do it' ksjdnksjn#i'm still gonna try to do some other things that don't require as much undivided attention as art does though...?#blah blah blah ren wouldn't want me to stress etc etc etc. still disappointing.#he came to me RIGHT when i needed him... but also... why did it have to be 6 days after my other closest main's anniv JKASN#i'm debating making the wedding the same day as the r!ren anniversary just so it's one less date to worry about LMAO ;;;;;#anyway. just venting about the fact that so much is happening Right Now and not Literally Any Other Time.#at least i'll have a little extra pocket money for a comm or two once i finish redoing his ref sheet...!!#and the reality is... i've made SO MUCH art of him over the past year. i won't be struggling to find posts to rb on the day ksjdn#i should probably get started gathering that art for the yumeship sheet though jsdnk time to dive through my tags.#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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Lambs of God actually craziest show ever oh my god.
#why did no one tell me.#went into it expecting a little laugh and i’ve been crying nonstop for the entire of ep 4 what the helllll guys#i need some time to actually digest it and i’m definitely reading the book#sister ignatius………………#WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS SHOW?#i need to actually gather my thoughts about it because woah
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please imagine for a second: ykw au where lucas is the main character
I have a lot of thoughts about this kid specifically and what he would be like as a mc but like first of all his jibanyan-equivalent friend would be wobblewok
yall remember the quest in ykw2 where lucas has a nightmare about "something black and gooey underground and a treasure to unlock a seal on a big mirror in a field" or sum like that. au where he goes through all that hassle to do that shit himself and finds his bff foreva, friend form wobblewok <3
#Lucas schiffer#his whisper-equivalent friend would be venoct but I figured that was a given#also his little human friend group equivalent would be Lina and Zoe but its less like mutual friendship#and more like them refusing to leave him alone because he keeps accidentally setting off all their spirit-hunting equipment#and he kinda just tolerates them#oh yeah also hes possessed or sum in my au based on what little information I can gather from 4 but we dont need to talk about that part 💀#I just have so many thoughts about this au and I mostly want an excuse to have my favorite npc and my favorite yo-kai to be besties#yo kai watch#yokai watch#yo-kai watch#I just want lucas to get some spotlight. just once
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i think i've healed enough to finally get past the embarrassment this first one brings me so here goes
Things That Should Have Made People Realise I Was Neurodivergent, But Didn't, Because I Was a Good Kid Who Didn't Cause No Trouble And Masked Like A Good Girl:
that time in second grade when the class was playing outside on a hot day, and a boy took off his shirt. no one yelled at him. i was also very hot. now of course no one saw my internal debate, and trying to suss out what would be socially acceptable by using logic, but i came to the conclusion that since I was 8 years old and was personally nowhere near starting puberty, it would be okay for me to take off my shirt too. i happily played shirtless for a while, although i could definitely feel the weird looks my classmates were giving me. i wasn't confident in my assessment but i was willing to defend my logic and position. i was right and if the others disagreed, they were the weird ones. a teacher passed by in a hurry and yelled at me to put my shirt on in a scandalised tone. she didn't yell at the boy. nothing further ever came of it.
#i'm still indignant about this#like i had CONSIDERED IT#and while i realise that society isn't built in a way that doesn't sexualise little girls it fucking SHOULD BE#i was very relieved i didn't get in trouble at the time but god damn if that teacher hadn't been trying to stop a nosebleed or whatever#or like if she'd come back later and had a FUCKING TALK WITH ME#tbf i probably would have lied and masked my way through that one the best i could and then stress cried in the bathroom#also the way i just realised this is why i'm so good at lying in some situations#i was SO SCARED of being found out#found out that i didn't know what to do in a situation or how to talk to people#i was SCARED the first time we had school lunch and i was always so worried i'd have to show people i didn't know something#thank god for scripts#i actually remember developing a script in my head the first time my mum encouraged me to talk to salesperson#i was like 5#and i felt like i couldn't ask mum what to say#i had to KNOW#so i scripted it in my head and gathered my courage and asked where the whatevers were and walked back to my mum#and we went and found the whatevers together#mum fully just did that because she thought i was so shy#i was shitting bricks#i also hated the idea of going to doctor's appointments alone#it was fine for general checkups but when they were actually tryna figure shit out with my migraines it was bad#i'd forget EVERYTHING i'd need to say and i had no script and i was scared and AAAAAA#i'd always take my mum with me#there was this one doctor who hated that and tried to get me to come alone#i was 16 maybe?#when i eventually did go alone it went okay#i masked and came up on top :| and nobody noticed i was fully super depressed and neurodivergent#okay i think that's enough for now#internal monologue#adhd
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Thoughts on Noah?
fucking hate that guy I hope he dies.
ACTUALLY THOUGH
ough. goodness. I have many thoughts yes. he is so perfect he's just a little guy he's all soft and squishy but also a little bit spiky as a treat. he's like if a guy was sooooo silly and skroinkly. I adore him
(in all seriousness though, I think he's a PERFECT protagonist and is amazingly written (like all Xenoblade characters are ofc). he displays such a good balance of optimism and determination for the world while still harbouring his own fears, but instead of letting those fears completely and utterly consume him like his past self did, he decided to let go of them and live on, in spite of all the hardship in the world. his friends keep him tethered to his current reality, and always remind him that there is a reason to keep going. the way he takes things so strongly proves how completely and utterly strong he is. like?? wow?? also that scene where he experiences all his past lives but still comes out yearning for a better future is so so perfect. he won't let tragedy get in his way, not ever. and I mean of course him and N are foils they're literally the same character but STILL the way they contrast eachother is literally perfect!!!! I adore the fact Noah still stays soft throughout it all, he still allows himself his feelings, they just don't consume him. I also adore his awkwardness at times. like yes his strength is immense but he's still a little boy. well, teenage boy. he doesn't know everything yet. he's just going off his gut. AND HES NOT AFRAID TO BE SAD OR SHOW ANY FEELINGS!!! HE WEEPS AND CRIES JUST LIKE ALL THE REST AND HE ISN'T ASHAMED OF SHOWING THAT. and most importantly: he stays kind. he has such a big heart. he plays for those he doesn't know, he plays for those considered to be enemies, because no matter what, they were people to him. and people deserve to get a proper send off. and of course, he loves all his friends so much and wants them to live good lives, but he isn't scared about being strict with it. he's got an attitude, but it doesn't make him an asshole. he's just excellent. amazing character 10/10 I want to squish him up so bad.)
#tysm for asking this btw#i really needed a moment to gather my thoughts on him tbh#but yet again. hes so perfect#(and my little princess)#(babygirl)#i have even more thoughts on him but they're tough to put into words so thats for later#TY FOR ASKING AGAIN#leechies rambles#xc3#xc3 Noah#xenoblade Noah
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i had the day off so i spent like five hours doing budgeting. jesus fuck why is everything so expensive
#i'd need to make over double of what i'm making now to be able to live on my own#either a.) without a car + with a roommate somewhere near the city#which means i'd have to learn to use the public transport here. i've looked into it and none of the bus lines go beyond a very limited part#of the metro area so i'd need to find work somewhere within there.#or b.) with a car + renting on my own somewhere further out. the commute would be ass and the car maintenance even assier#thing is i really�� really need to figure this out because i NEED to get out of this house for good#after i graduate i cannot land back in here.#there's this really cute girl i met at the club last month and we've been talking a lot and i'd love to be with her and i know she would to#but she's trans and my parents would legit throw me out of the house if they found out#and she doesn't deserve to be hidden‚ y'know? i want to be able to tell everyone i know and care about about us#but i just can't do that right now. and i hate the thought of missing out on relationships and stifling myself like this out of fear#i talk a big game sometimes but i'm TERRIFIED of the people and the things i've noticed i'm attracted and drawn to#because i know what my parents say about 'those' people. i've heard every mean-spirited‚ downright disgusted thing they've said#and for all the smiles and the hugs my family throws my way i know what they are. i've seen the treatment they give queer family members.#i have an uncle who didn't speak to his daughter for almost a decade when she came out as a lesbian#it was only a couple years ago that they started to reconnect and she can't even bring her partner to family gatherings because it makes#people 'uncomfortable'#i'm sorry i'm rambling at this point but i just wish things would get a little easier. instead i feel all this pressure and everything#getting harder#nothing left to do except put on my big boy pants i guess#sansgwilie
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so. i've had an idea for a warrior cats fanfiction story, and have spent the last few years hammering out characters, the clans, how they work, the story... a whole lot of stuff. i've tried writing it before, and right now i don't have a current draft of early chapters, but I did recently write out a scene from much later in the story, and i'm pretty happy with it, soooo... here! a warrior cats fic scene i wrote in like an hour a week ago
By the time she led ShadeClan to the Gathering site, Emberstar felt her anxieties lessen. Her foreleg ached from the effort of the journey, but she kept her head high. Beside her, Acornfall glanced back at their clan, then nodded over to Emberstar. He led the clan down into the Gathering hollow, and Emberstar padded over to the slope up to the leader’s perch. PineClan and CliffClan cats were already quietly milling about in the hollow, and up on the overhang she could see Lakestar and Wolfstar waiting. There was no MoorClan scent among the gathered cats.
Emberstar made her way up the slope she’d seen Gorsestar and Froststar before her traverse. It was a thin path, slowly becoming steeper and steeper as she slunk closer to the overhang, finally reaching the steep, gravelly slope that led up to the leaders’ perch. Down at the base of the cliff, she could see Acornfall joining the other deputies with a polite nod of his head, and Troutfoot was carefully weaving her way through the crowd to meet with the other healers. Emberstar twitched her whiskers when Lakestar and Wolfstar noticed her. She crouched and tensed her back legs and leapt up the slope.
It wasn’t enough to reach the top, but she reached out with her forepaw and sunk her claws into the loose gravel and dug her back paws into the ground to keep from slithering back down. She slowly inched forward, moving a kittenstep at a time, but she kept her eyes fixed on the other leaders, more determined than ashamed of herself. Emberstar forced herself up the slope, but her heart skipped a beat when the gravel under her paw proved too loose to get a good enough grip- so close to the top, too. What a shame she had no other forepaw to lash out and find a grip with.
Emberstar felt herself begin to slide back down the slope, but a pair of jaws grasped her by the scruff and hoisted her up onto the overhang. She clawed at the grass and stumbled a step when let go and turned to meet Wolfstar’s amused gaze. “Careful there, three-paw,” the CliffClan leader gruffly purred. “It’s bad luck to fall at your first Gathering as leader.” She brushed past Emberstar to sit back down next to Lakestar.
With a huff, Emberstar followed her with a shake of her pelt. “I appreciate your help, but I would have been fine on my own. I suppose I owe you now?”
Wolfstar’s whiskers twitched. “Are you saying ShadeClan is now in CliffClan’s debt?”
The young leaders stared at each other, then broke out into amused purrs. Lakestar rolled her eyes and wrapped her tail around her paws. “So, you are ShadeClan’s leader now, Emberstar? Or is it still Emberblaze?”
“It is Emberstar now. I visited the Moon Cavern for my lives only a few sunrises ago.”
“May StarClan light your path as leader, then.” Lakestar stiffly dipped her head. Despite the brusque words, there was genuine respect in her pale eyes.
Wolfstar’s own eyes were still bright with humor. “You’ll be great, I know it. What happened to Froststar, then?”
Emberstar narrowed her eyes and turned her gaze to the gathered cats. “I’ll explain that once the Gathering begins. MoorClan is late tonight.” She surveyed the crowd of cats, peering straight down at the huddled healers. Sitting with her back to her PineClan clanmates, Flarelight was sitting close to Troutfrost. After a moment, she gazed up at the overhang, and her eyes met Emberstar’s. Her eyes grew wide and she stared at her littermate for a long moment until another healer got her attention. Then, as if she’d seen nothing, Flarelight flicked her tail and joined the conversation. Her twitching tail-tip was the only hint that she was distracted. Emberstar blinked. She’d become leader so recently that not even the other healers knew, much less the other clans’ warriors. In the crowd of CliffClan cats, she spotted Sunscorch, sitting with his fur brushing Moonwhisper’s, his eyes wide and his body stiff while he stared at his sister up on the overhang.
Poor Sunscorch, so softhearted under those honed claws and strong limbs- he was likely to take the news of Froststar’s death the hardest. Emberstar held his gaze, blinked slowly, and turned her head to the sky. The moon was nearly overhead, and still MoorClan was absent.
“You ought to start the Gathering now,” Wolfstar growled to Lakestar. “It’s newleaf, after all, and if MoorClan’s late then they’re late.”
“We should wait,” Emberstar sharply mewed. “This is my first Gathering as leader, so it would be disrespectful to me as well as MoorClan if we begin without them. It may anger StarClan as well,” she finished in a murmur, flicking her tail-tip up at the sky. Wolfstar just bushed out her stormy gray fur and huffed.
Lakestar gazed up at the sky. Emberstar looked over at her. For so long, as an apprentice, as a warrior, as the deputy, she’d never dared to be so close to the cold PineClan leader. But now, she was barely a tail-length from the sleek silver tabby, and they sat as equals in standing. Lakestar was likely at less than nine lives and Emberstar was without a right foreleg, but they were equals nonetheless.
She was knocked from her thoughts by Wolfstar headbutting her. The larger cat nearly shoved her off-balance. “Glad to see that we’re both finally up here. I was waiting to see when you’d catch up, three-paw.”
Emberstar licked Wolfstar’s ear. “You know I must take things slower than you.”
“Who’d you pick as deputy?” Wolfstar leaned over the edge to inspect the group of deputies. “Hm- Acornfall?”
“He’s a good warrior. Older than me by four seasons, so I trust his advice and his skill.”
“I thought you would have picked Lavenderflash. Or maybe Darknose, you two always seemed close.”
Emberstar gazed down at Lavenderflash, spotting the pure-black molly quickly- she was almost certain there was obvious fondness in her eyes as she looked at her former apprentice. “Lavenderflash is… young and still training her first apprentice. She is a good, loyal warrior, but not fit to be deputy or eventual leader in my mind. And Darknose…” The tom was sitting at the edge of the crowd, alone. “He is a possibility, but he still mourns his brother even all these moons later, so I don’t know if he would be the best choice.”
Wolfstar made a sniff of approval, then her gaze snapped to the far hill. A yowl rang out, and the three leaders pricked their ears and the cats in the hollow turned to see MoorClan finally arrive, led by Applestar. Emberstar sat stiffly until she spotted Glowflame in the crowd, side-by-side with Orangeclaw. He joined the cats in the hollow with his clan while Applestar broke off to climb up to the overhang, and he seemed to murmur something to Orangeclaw before she angled her ears up at Emberstar. Glowflame looked up and spotted her, and his jaw dropped open. Emberstar couldn’t help but let out a purr of affection for her brother as he gaped in amazement at her.
Applestar greeted the other leaders when he finally joined them, nodding briefly at Emberstar, and hurriedly sat down next to Lakestar, his mottled fur standing up along his spine. The leaders gave the cats in the hollow a few moments to settle down. In that time, Emberstar saw her littermates make their ways through the crowd towards each other. By the time Lakestar threw back her head and yowled to signify the beginning of the Gathering, Flarelight, Sunscorch, and Glowflame sat huddled together with their eyes trained on their sister. Emberstar met their gazes for just a heartbeat and felt the final icicles of her anxiety melt away.
She then turned her head to watch Lakestar as she began to announce her clan’s news for the moon, and reminded herself of what she had to announce when it was her turn. She was ShadeClan’s leader, now. StarClan had approved of her. Emberstar lifted her chin and, with a deep breath, finally settled into her place at the head of her clan.
#woe warrior cats fanfiction be upon ye#my writing#fanfiction#warrior cats#hmmm...#waywardsalt's warrior cats#yeahhhh#anyways a few things abt this related specifically to whats in here#emberstar and wolfstar are not in any kind of relationship theyre just longtime friends n rivals tho at some point wolfstar had a crush#emberstar is meant to be aro/ace and otherwise has no interest in taking a mate at all but she loves her clanmates#glowflame and orangeclaw are mates and sunscorch and moonwhisper are mates idk if flarelight will be in a relationship#the map for this fic (clan territories and camp layouts and moon cavern/gathering spot) is based on a minecraft world i have its v helpful#i have a full alliances list for the living cats at the very beginning of the story but it lacks cats outside the clan bc uhhhh i dont#think there are too many that are present that early and also loners arent usually a big thing its mostly cats passing through#emberstar is mostly dark ginger and black flarelight is mostly just dark ginger sunscorch is gold/yellow and glowflame is yellow and white#all four of them have ice blue eyes and black ear tips i am getting funky with cat designs i do not care. they have teh most unique designs#calling med cats healers bc of. reasons you may know why. and she cats are mollies bc like. why not#emberstar is a tripod cat she is missing a foreleg and she is the primary primary protag she is the most frequent pov#so i have thought a lot abt how she would need to be trained and assessed differently and what she cannot do and how she does warrior dutie#ember flare sun and glow all grew up together but separated into the different clans for Reasons ember stayed in shadeclan bc she was deput#it was also for those Reasons but dw abt it. sunscorch is gay glowflame is bi flarelight is a lesbian#gorsestar and froststar (the previous shadeclan leaders emberstar thinks of) were both mollies and were mates. frost mentored emberstar#its a little bit of nepotism but ember was frost's like. third deputy so its whatever. i picked acornfall as deputy as a placeholder#and bc i couldnt fucking remember anyone else except nobodies in shadeclan but now that i think about it he's actually a good choice#aaaand emberstar is my oldest warrior cats rp character shes been with me a long time- second oldest is sunscorch#emberstar began as emberheart and sunscorch was an edgy murder rogue named sun i roleplayed them in a specific mc server
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Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
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OWWWWWW
#OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW#Im trying to gather my thoughts…. I have a head ache………………#im so embarassed i had to use the walk through to help me out towards the end…. I thought I got stronger since the last game#but Im gullible as fuck your honor#also my working memory isnt the best so even though I took notes on everyones train of thought in the trial#the changing theories and what we currently assume is true and isnt is really hard to keep track of!!!!!!!!!!#I thought I had the answer to one of the most important questions but I was wrong TWICE and I only had a little bit of health left#for the rest of the trial ;w;#it was also hard for me to understand godots motive since he would have no reason to stab Ami but I forgot that when spirit mediums#channel ppl their appearance changes to match the spirit.. so I guess it does make sense he didnt think of that when he was focused on#getting revenge against dahlia. damn#UGH I NEED TO PLAY THE FIRST GAME I feel like theres still so much background im missing#the DL-6 incident came up and I only know a few details abt what happened but it was nicely tied to the case#like edgeworths trauma around earthquakes and how that gave time for iris and dahlia to switch#it gives me a headache to think abt them swapping places and who was doing what though#but still really cool#im going to be thinking abt this for days#aa3 playthru#aa3 spoilers#ace attorney#aa#trials and tribulations#yapping
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I’m trying so hard not to be super salty right now but I’m finding it very difficult.
#got a text from a friend asking what I thought a good theme was for a mutual friend’s birthday party#and my first thought was oh so time CAN be found to make plans for birthdays#well isn’t that so great did I lose the invite to my own gathering a couple weeks ago?#because I spent my birthday alone on my couch and cried because I felt forgotten#and I got one invite to go to dinner the next day#and I feel so silly for still being mad about that but it really hurt#we always get as many of us as we can together to do celebrations for stuff and this year…not even a whisper#and weeks later here we are and I’m still a little more hurt about it than I thought#and I volunteered to make food for this party because the birthday girl is one of the two people who gave me a gift at all#(it was a book bouquet and it was really sweet)#so I’ll get past it eventually I guess idk I just need to rant about it somewhere#just tired of feeling lonely and invisible is all 🙃🙃
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ok i took a nap sorry for miseryposting
#purrs#i don’t feel better per se but i do feel less angry so i think that’s good. but i did have a fucked up and disturbing dream so now im#focused on that a little bit but it’s whatever. i think i just feel stuck in my life and overwhelmed rn but i have to be gentle with myself#and okay with accepting outcomes that are compromises even if i really don’t want to. but idk. i have to think on it more. and i wish i felt#less lonely bc i KNOW i am not it’s just i have no emotional object permanence and i keep dismantling all my inoculations and then crying#out for more inoculations and i don’t know how to stop. and now im getting upset again typing this so I’m going to stop even though i havent#gotten to the end of my thought yet and like reblog some things or watch a video idk. i really need to find a counselor and speaking of#which i feel like someone told me lately (on here probably and ididnt reply im sorry) that my counseling place should give me referrals to o#other places and they didn’t and maybe it’s bc i told them i was taking a break from counseling but i am kind of like 😐😑. but i’ll figure it#out and find someone. i think there’s a thing i can do through work i just have to gather the spoons to actually do it and i spent all of th#them on the drivers manual today. also i read like half the drivers manual today! which is something to acknowledge. ok im done now bye
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Kasander
#splitting mental space between kingmaker and balthazar (my full time job) and cooking up kasander my wonderful tryhard fail paladin durge#kasander brained. kasander pilled. they were born in a wet cardboard box all alone.#they believe in love and joy and the worth of life and will do anything to protect anyone at any time.#they pieced together their whole name and identity from context clues after waking up and got it WRONG#accidentally becoming an entire new guy via magic amnesia#they aren't even close to the original personality they're the intrusive thoughts hijacking asperia's body by mistake#I love born yesterday kasander and I love that they love everyone. my sad but hopeful little shonen hero.#looking forward to the day I finally am satisfied with my Kas and Asperia art#by the way kasander also loves all food and all alcohol and has to be stopped from constantly gathering ingredients#for what is in their mind about to be the best meal ever (every meal is the best ever they aren't picky)#rambling#does this need to be filter tagged. hmm.#I'll filter tag it and delete the post if I change my mind#bg3
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