#i need to convince some of my friends to let me do this for them
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Social Media QB
Author’s note: reposting my old work on this side blog! Let me know if you’d like to read a specific one. Thank you for reading!
The reputation of the Chargers social media team was unmatched. They are known for being funny and up to date on all memes and pop culture references while also showcasing players’ personalities. That alone made you apply and this past year on the job had really been a once in a lifetime experience. Working with Megan and the crew was a daily adventure and you were becoming more and more comfortable calling the guys your friends. It even got to a point where you didn’t even call them by their names anymore.
Quentin was usually just “Q.” JK was always “J’Kaylin”, Derwin was “3” and your favorite nickname was definitely calling Justin “Sunshine.” At first it was a Remember the Titans reference but it became a lifestyle. Everything and everyone revolves around the sun and that’s exactly what it felt like when you were at work. All of the players were important and special but you could just feel the energy in the room shift when Justin was there. It was palpable, it almost took your breath away sometimes.
Off camera he was goofy, funny and had this uncanny ability to make the world stand still for a bit, even just for a few fleeting moments where it felt like you two were the only ones in the room. But then reality would hit and you were reminded that you work for the team and he’d never see you in that way, he was just nice to everyone he encountered. But on camera? It was all fun and games. There was a running joke, mostly based on his real feelings, that Justin hated cameras. He couldn’t stand being the center of attention or having people perceive him so he avoided the social media team altogether when phones were pointed in his direction.
But sometimes, a rarity, you were able to get him on camera, even if it was just for a split second. The two of you reviewed the questions he was going to be asked before their Hot Ones appearance and there was ALWAYS a discussion, more like subtle begging if you all were going to have him participate in any content.
“We need Justin for this new segment we’re doing, so you’re gonna have to talk to him.” Megan sighs, grabbing her Stanley cup that was sitting on the counter. She’d just finished editing a video where she and her assistant put fart spray on the tiny mic and could still smell the rancid scent until she grabbed some Lysol spray to de-funk the place.
You were going through photos taken during practice earlier that morning and deciding which ones to post and without looking up you asked her, “why do I have to do it?”
Lorren and Allie giggle in the corner, shaking their heads. “You cannot be serious right now y/n,” Lorren gives you a pointed look.
“What?”
“We all know you and Justin have a thing for each other. Even if you won’t admit to us…or yourself. It’s pretty obvious.”
You finally raise your head up from your laptop, staring at them while also wracking your brain trying to figure out when your innocent crush had become so painfully obvious. If the girls knew, then Justin had probably somehow caught on and the thought of that made you want to dig a hole right outside on the practice field and never come out. “Is—am I that easy to read?”
“No one blames you,” Megan runs a loving hand on your shoulder. “And I’m sure you’ve been trying so hard to hide your feelings that you haven’t noticed that he’s doing an even worse job of hiding his massive crush on you.”
The look on your face sends the room into a fit of laughter. “We’re being serious. The way he looks at you and acts around you. Anyone can see he’s into you friend.”
You weren’t convinced, “I need an example.”
“Okay fine,” Lorren stands up to prepare a demonstration. “He wasn’t ready to put the mics on when he was mic’d up until you walked over and helped him get the mic in the perfect spot in his pads. And then he wore the friendship bracelet for six weeks because you handed it to him.”
Allie pipes up to put in her two cents. “And let’s not forget when he had you driving him around the golf tournament and kicked Zion to the curb. There’s no way all of those are just a coincidence.”
“Fine. I’ll go ask him if he’ll shoot the video for us but I’m not going to lose my job because of a meaningless crush on the starting quarterback.”
You waited around for the guys to leave treatment after practice and caught up with him on his way out. “Hey Sunshine, quick question for you.”
His cheeks turn a light shade of pink and he gives you a small tight-lipped smile. “What’s up?”
“I need you to do me a huge favor and be in this tik tok. It’s a short game and it’ll only take like 15 minutes.”
His deadpan face and disappointed dad sigh has you practically begging, saying “please” in your finest sing-song tone.
“Fine, I’ll do it.” You knew he’d crack, he always did. “On one condition. You also have to participate.”
You hold your hand out and he engulfs it with his much larger one. “You’ve got yourself a deal Herbert.”
“Okay the rules of the game are simple,” Megan begins from behind her phone screen before hitting record, “we’re going to give you these Canadian snacks and you’ll rate them on a scale from 1 to 10. One being it’s awful I’ll never touch that again and 10 being a solid snack that you’d eat everyday if given the opportunity.”
You and Justin nod, diving in on everything from the ketchup chips to the toffee. The video didn’t take long as promised and the quarterback went about the rest of his day with no further distractions.
In your office a few days later on the team’s off day, you were contemplating your life. Maybe you should take a step back from him so people don't get the wrong idea. Sure, your coworkers were convinced the crush was mutual but what if he was just being nice? He was always so focused on football and making the most out of every opportunity. Why in the world would he waste time flirting with a social media manager? It just made no sense. Instead of continuing to run a million imaginary scenarios in your mind you packed up your stuff and tried heading out to the parking lot. Even after all this time you still struggled to maneuver all the twists and turns of the building and somehow found yourself walking past the quarterback room. You intended to just keep walking but he was in there alone and called out your name when he saw you.
“What are you doing here? I didn’t think anyone would be in the building today.” His bright eyes staring down at you made your heart feel like it was beating out of your chest. You desperately needed to get it together.
“I came in to finish up a few things but I’m heading out now. What are you doing? I think you’ve watched enough film to last you a couple lifetimes.” That gets a light chuckle out of him and he shakes his head, the two of you knowing that his quest for perfection would never allow him to believe he’s watched enough film. “Thank you for shooting that video the other day. The fans are gonna love it, they’re always begging us to get you on camera.”
“No problem, anything for you.” He clears his throat after whispering the last part, desperately hoping that you didn’t hear it. Even though you definitely did. You should go home for the day and leave him alone in the office so he can get back to work. You should stop staring at his lips that look so soft and just begging to be kissed. He should turn around and get back to the playbook and the computer but here he is, standing still, right in front of you.
You’re just there, waiting for someone to rip the carpet out from under you, to fall on your face, for someone to tell you that this isn’t actually happening. The space between your bodies diminishes significantly, so much so that you can smell the Dr. Squatch Birchwood Breeze radiating off of him. It’s intoxicating and you swallow the fear in your gut and ignore all of the common sense thoughts plaguing your mind, allowing you to feel.
The kiss is tentative at first, he pulls back slightly, whispering if it’s okay to keep going as you feel his breath against your lips. You don’t respond but instead pull him in closer, hearing a satisfied husky moan from him as he allows your tongue access to his. His right palm rests against your cheek until he’s tilting your head up ever so slightly to deepen the embrace and he pulls you in even closer, holding on for dear life while closing and locking the door behind you. It was so much more than he imagined, these feelings that he’d been pushing aside were being confronted and magnified by the second. This innocent crush that you had on him were genuine, real feelings that created a deep ache in your bones, actively being soothed with his hands all over you as the two of you made out like helpless teenagers.
You didn’t think you’d have the strength to tear yourself away from him…until his phone rings. He ignores it the first time but it’s all you can think about by the fifth ring.
“Answer it,” you whisper breathlessly and you can feel him hesitating to pry himself away from you. The heat that was radiating off of his body that you felt being so close to him sends shivers down your spine at the sudden distance. A thousand unspoken apologies are painted on his face as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He keeps the call short and sweet but the look of devastation is clear when he hangs up. “You have to go don’t you?”
He nods. “I’m so sorry. We can—we need to talk about this I know. And I promise we will. I just—I need to take care of this.” He doesn’t want to leave, not like this. Even if he knows you understand. Justin presses a kiss to the side of your head and whispers another “I’m sorry” leaving you in the room to think about what just happened.
You walk around the empty parking lot until you reach your car, letting out a deep sigh at the thought of what the conversation with him is going to look like after this. You need to be mentally prepared for good news, bad news and everything in between.
He is the sun after all. And sometimes when you stand too close, you might get burned. And maybe, just maybe, you’d avoid the burn altogether and bask in the warmth as long as you can.
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I want you to know you’ve indoctrinated both my friend and I into your path of thinking when it comes to Illario and the Envy demon.
I raise you this, since Illario isn’t even a mage before the Ossuary, consider the fact that Zara convinces Illario into also harboring Envy (like Spite, since Lucanis says he just ate something and he was stuck with Spite after that. Like she tells Illario he needs that dawg in him to become first talon, a double edged knife there (you aren’t good enough on your own you need that dawg in you aahhhh)). That would add a level onto why he kills her, Lucanis taking a crack at Illario and asking if he’s is good enough (I would’ve crashed out too tbh), and the lines in at the party with a romanced Rook (since that man also doesn’t have a healthy love life)
Envy is also twisted form of admiration/generosity/contentment, like how Spite was a spirit of determination, and the freak out Lucanis would have over his little brother’s admiration for him (an admiration he would NEVER admit to his big brothers face) becoming so twisted (by the same person!) that it’s also destroying him from the inside out.
Also Spite and Envy shenanigans would’ve been so fucking funny
YEAH!!!!!! i have been rotating this around in my mind and had the idea of that admiration v. envy thing for illario, especially if we're thinking about wigmaker's job where they cover for each others weaknesses. like a week ago i googled what the corresponding virtue for envy was and it was kindness and i was like yeahhhhh illario does not have that. we're going to have to go with something else. and i was thinking of admiration so this ask kind of made me cheer <3 thank god i am making some sense and someone else agrees because at any point i'm checking myself going 'actually would he do that'
i think they both have some level of 'i wish i could do that like them' but illario's is negatively tinged because their fuck ass grandma is right there saying all that too . like regardless of how great i think my brother is, there is no fucking way his accomplishments don't start looking twisted and unfair if my only parental figure obviously likes him more than me
i also like the idea of in some world where illario is less of a traitor and didn't set lucanis up (i have a rewrite powerpoint going on for my friends. so this part makes perfect sense to me but maybe not as much to you. i'm so sorry), and they both get kidnapped and possessed, spite-envy are the ones with serious beef vs. their unwitting hosts, who would actually prefer not to kill each other.
this messy au i have assumes a very fraught house dellamorte, trying to defend treviso while the crows splinter and follow either son. caterina refuses to let lucanis give up power and names him first talon, while illario has consolidated power in the year lucanis was gone and has several other loyal houses pledging to him instead. spite and envy exacerbate this situation, spite refusing to give up power + envy coveting it. this hypothetical plotline ends with uniting the crows under a single first talon (welcome back bhelen v harrowmont), and reaching an agreement with the others to work together. crow-on-crow violence you cannot be solved but you CAN reach a momentary tense agreement to protect antiva and the world <3
#in my mind this au quest also involves like. it gets easier if ur a rook de riva OR you're seen as an interloping outsider#but by the end of it there's a grudging respect that allows the talons to follow + fight alongside you#helped of course by lucanis who is either talon or simply backing illario#i think this would lead to character bloat. but none of that matters when its MY wishful thinking crow politics questline#that was only rly meant to be seen by fie/jane/saids. so.#they would have 'yes and'ed me forever and allowed the echochamber to continue. LOL#i'm adding and editing the idea as i go. if i ever get somewhere coherent i'll try to explain#but this fucking powerpoint has slide titles like 'We have to let caterina dehumanise her grandchildren. For feminism.'#so really dont expect too much#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#answered#long post
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𝟑𝟎- 𝑩𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅
𐂂 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜 𝚂𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝚡 𝙼𝚊𝚝𝚝'𝚜 𝚎𝚡 𝚐𝚏
𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒖𝒑, 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕, 𝒕𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒄!𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕, 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒎𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒅𝒌
𝚊/𝚗: 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝑩𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅-𝑫𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑪𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒏. 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 ☕︎
𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒙-𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅'𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒚
Matt and I had a complicated relationship. We became friends, weeks later he confessed to having feelings and I said I felt the same. We started dating and it lasted exactly eight months until he broke up with me with the excuse "I don't know how to say this, but I don't think I'm ready for a real relationship." He wasn't ready. After 8 months. For a real relationship. So what we had was a lie?
As much as I wanted to punch his face, take his clothes that were with me and set them on fire, expose how much of a terrible person he was, I couldn't. I only managed to isolate myself, and with that, I had to, unfortunately, isolate Nick and Chris from my life as well, after all, they were always together.
It was my first time away from home since Matt and I broke up. It took me two months to work up the courage to get out of bed, get ready, and not cry looking at the mirror. As if my voluntary action of going out wasn't enough, my two college friends found a party at someone's house. They convinced me to go after telling me I would be free to have as many drinks as I wanted. I haven't drunk since I became friends with Matthew, which was a long time ago, so I really needed a drink.
I decided to go, after all, I had already spent so much time lying in tears that feeling like a hottie was all I needed. I rummaged through my wardrobe and found a black dress that made me smile just imagining myself wearing it. I ran to take my shower and wash my hair, deciding to let it dry naturally, and went to do my makeup. I wore the dress, feeling beautiful when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I smiled and put on my white sneakers, completing my look with some accessories.
I took some photos, posted one of them in my story, and ordered an Uber to the address of the house since I intended to drink and did not want to cause an accident if I went by car.
-Hey, you came! - I hear a familiar voice and turn around with a smile.
-Yeah, I wanted to see you guys. -I answer.
With a quick hug at Anna and Lilly, my college friends, I follow them into the party. It was very crowded there and I didn't know how comfortable I could be in that environment. Lilly gave me a shot of tequila and I took it, feeling the taste of alcohol rip through my throat. We found a little space on the couch and threw ourselves in there, talking about random things until I felt my phone vibrate and went to see what it was.
Nick💜
Hi
I don't know if I could say that, but I miss you
I saw you on the couch and wanted to talk to you
Matt didn't come, just me and Chris, if that comforts you in some way
We'll be around, and it would be great to say hi, I still think that you're one of my best friends even if we're not talking anymore
I miss you so much
I read the texts with my heart beating fast, surprised he had reached out, I didn't even know they'd be here.
Nick was always the best friend I could have, Chris was also so important to me. When my relationship with Matt ended and I isolated myself from everything, I didn't give them any chance to contact me, and that made these last two months a mystery of how it could have been for them.
I don't know how that affected Matthew. Or if it affected him in any way. I don't know if he thought about it, if he talked to his brothers, or with friends, if he met new people, if he moved on, if he still thinks about me.
If he wanted to, he would've found a way to fight for me, but he just let me go. It wasn't Nick's or Chris' fault, and it was irresponsible of me to put them in this situation just because I couldn't reason it out sooner and make a less exclusive decision.
Me
Hi Nick, I'm sorry, that's all my fault.
I love you, I love Chris, I shouldn't have pushed you guys away
I'd love to talk, can we meet in the backyard? :)
I waited anxiously for an answer. I told Anna and Lilly I'd be back soon and they just nodded, happy to see I was trying to socialize a bit.
I carefully get up and straighten my dress before walking to the sliding door that leads out to a comfortable garden, with most of the floor being grass, a pool with blue lights on, a few people swimming, and a few benches near the walls. I sat on an empty bench and felt my phone buzz once again. Anxious, I unlock the screen and open the notification.
Nick💜
we're going :)
A smile of relief appeared on my face, but as I remembered the amount of time we spent without talking to each other and all because of me, I began to feel nervous. Did they really still like me? We could still be friends, right? It would be fine even if Matt couldn't be present in the same room as me.
I feel a hand on my shoulder and snap out of my thoughts, lifting my face and meeting Nick's eyes. I get up quickly, hugging him so tightly that I could've broken one of his bones. He runs his hands on my back, only separating us to look at me up and down.
-We have so much to talk about. But first: you look stunning, girl! I loved the dress.
I giggle, feeling my heart beat fast. I was happy that Nick complimented me, he always did it, it gave me a good nostalgia that I still don't know how to deal with it.
-You look amazing, as always. -I reply, earning a huge smile in response.
-Hey, I don't know if you two get it, but I'm still here, you know? -I hear another voice and turn back to face Chris.
I smiled slightly before pulling him into a tight hug as well, to which he returned without even complaining about the force.
-I missed you. -He says, low, in my ear, still hugging me.
-I missed you, too. A lot. -I say, undoing the hug to look him in the eye.
His hair looked longer, the beard had not been done recently, he wore black pants, an orange sweatshirt and a backward hat. Chris wrapped his arm around my shoulders and we sat down on the bench I was on.
We all talked about everything that had happened since my breakup until now. While we were talking, Anna and Lilly showed up and said hi to the boys, as well as leaving a drink and another shot for me in my hands.
-Have fun! -Anna screams before being pulled by Lilly, making me laugh.
-You're drinking? -Nick asks, cautiously.
I knew they didn't like to drink, but they had no problem with friends doing it. I never normally drank. It was rare and when it happened it was just a glass or two, but now I had another idea in my head, especially because it was the first time I was out of my apartment in two months.
-I think tonight is a good night to drink.
I raise the shot with a smirk, showing it to Nick and Chris before chugging it and grimacing at the taste.
-Let's take some photos together. -I suggest, setting the shot glass down on a nearby table and taking my phone out of my pocket.
We took a few selfies and I posted one of them on my Instagram story, tagging the boys.
-So... Why didn't he come? -I was holding myself back from commenting on it, but of course I felt more curious than sad about it. Nick looked at me when I asked, but seeing that I didn't exactly look sad he decided to answer.
-He went out with other friends. -The answer was vague, but I already knew what it meant.
It wasn't just other friends, but okay, that's what I was thinking anyway.
I give him a soft smile in response, not wanting to get into the depth of the subject, and take a few sips of the drink I had received from my friends.
-Let's dance. -I say, getting up when I hear a song I liked and the boys soon follow me.
While moving my body and talking to both of them, I slowly finished my drink and ended up losing the glass at some point, but it didn't matter, I didn't intend to drink more than that.
I was having fun, I missed seeing my friends, I missed dancing, I missed feeling good. And as useless as a party seems to be, the uselessness seemed to be exactly what I needed.
-I'll get some water. -I hear Nick speak in my ear and I nod my head.
I feel my phone vibrate once again and unlock it, seeing that it was a response to my Instagram story. I only had notifications turned on for friends and people I knew, but upon reading the name on my screen my reaction must have changed in the same second.
Matt
That's why Nick's not answering me...
You look beautiful btw
I miss your pretty face
Before I had a chance to respond, I felt a hand on my hip and my phone was taken from my hand. I look at Chris, who smiles as he puts my phone in his pants pocket.
-He may be my brother, but this is a dick move and I will not let you answer. -He says, moving closer and placing both hands on my waist.
I roll my eyes with a little smile and wrap my arms around his neck, knowing he was more than right and I shouldn't pay any attention to Matt now. And besides, why would I care about someone who broke up with me without a good explanation if I had a guy as handsome as Chris around?
Maybe it was the alcohol talking.
-How are you feeling? -He asks, looking at me carefully.
-I don't know, I'm not as bad as I could be, I already felt too sad because of him. I'm actually glad to be here, and I'm glad to see you again. -I answer, allowing myself to take a step forward.
He didn't back down. Where's Nick with his water to try to put some sense in my head? I see a smirk on Chris's face with my words and immediately my focus goes to his mouth. Part of me knew that was wrong, but now that part was way too far.
-I'm glad to see you again, too. And to be honest, I think I'd be a much better boyfriend than him.
His eyes scanned my entire face, stopping to stare at my mouth with a smile that I swore could give me a heart attack at any moment.
-To be honest, I think so too. -My voice comes out a little lower than it should, but high enough that he could hear me even with the sound of the songs.
He lifts one of his hands up to my face and quickly presses his lips against mine. It wasn't long before he deepened it and I felt his tongue on mine, sending shivers down my spine. We kissed for a while until we were interrupted by a nearby scream.
-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING? -Nick was standing in front of us, mouth open in shock.
Chris just rolls his eyes and I step back, realizing what I had done and feeling a little embarrassed with some people around staring at us. With no response, Nick pulls us out of the party, to a part of the street where the music wasn't so loud.
-Are you guys crazy? He's your ex's brother, you're her ex's brother. Brother. Ex. -Nick says, pointing at me and Chris.
-Dude, relax, Matt may be my brother, but he was a complete asshole to her. Did you know he texted her? She deserves more than that. -Chris answers, making Nick look at us with an expression of disgust and confusion.
-What did he say? -He asks.
I look at Chris, remembering that he had my phone and he soon pulls it out of his pocket, handing it to me to unlock. I show Nick Matt's message, and hear the heavy sigh of the boy in front of me, handing me back my phone. We spent a few seconds in silence until Nick looked at Chris, then at me, and back at his brother.
-Be better. -He says, making the younger one look confused. -Better than Matthew, we'll talk to him later, but if you think you can be better for her, be it.
Chris smiles, looking at me and passing his arm around me.
-I will be. -He answers. Nick loses his seriousness, throwing us a weak smile.
We decided to split an Uber to get back, leaving my address as the first stop. We were talking along the way and when we arrived at my building I said goodbye to both of them with a hug and made my way to my apartment, taking out my phone and seeing the notifications I had received in the meantime.
Matthew Sturniolo
You're joking.
My brother? Seriously? You know he'll never be like me, he'll never make you feel good as I did
Me
Yeah, you're right. He'll never be like you, that's what makes him so much better than you already
Leave me alone, Matt
I sigh, forcing myself to take a shower and rest. Although I was stressed, I didn't feel bad for what I did, much less for seeing that it made Matthew so angry and deep down seeing that he finally felt something because of me was gratifying.
Me and Nick went back to talking to each other every day, as it was before. Chris and I hung out together every weekend for over a month straight and I couldn't get enough of being with him for even a second. We used to get along before everything, but now it was different, and honestly, it was better.
Matt never texted me again. He still saw everything I posted, knew I was with his brothers most of the time, and knew he should take a step back and rethink what he did. It took longer than it should have, but he understood that he did me wrong and that I was fine with someone else, even if that person was in fact his brother.
I didn't get an apology, despite all that. Matt and I saw each other once after all, it was the first time I saw him after breaking up and the first and only time since Chris and I decided to be exclusive and have something serious. It was awkward, and a little quiet, but no fighting, which was enough for me.
Since that party, things have been going well. I felt happy, not only for being with someone new, but for moving on and living my life again.
𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎
➪ @riowritesitall @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @deers4luv @sturncakez @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @faithlia @katie-tibo @monroesturnns @mattnchrisworld @shaquilles-0atmeal @fratbrochrisgf @dayzeandhaze @phimstarz @h3arts4harry @star-yawnznn @asherrisrandom @pip4444chris @sturniolo-fann @beansprout713 @conspiracy-ash @sturnsxbitvh @ivysturnss @mattsbitchh @larallott
#fanfic#youtube#imagine#sturniolo triplets#romance#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris x y/n#chris x reader#matt sturniolo x reader#matt x y/n#matt x reader#matthew sturniolo#nick sturniolo
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small worlds.
✩ read on ao3 ✩ steven g. rogers masterlist ✩ forget-me-not creative campaign ✩ library blog
‣ pairing — 1940s!steve rogers x f!reader
‣ contents — one-shot, hurt/comfort, somewhere between fluff and angst, implied smut, established relationship
‣ summary — all he ever wanted to do was the right thing. it never occurred to him that doing the right thing could possibly hurt someone he loves.
‣ word count — 1.5k
‣ notes — this is my submission for my own creative campaign lmao 😅 i just got inspired looking at those prompts again, okay? and these are my missing pre-serum!steve hours 😭 and after the week i’ve had, i need some comfort~
prompts used: ✩ geranium = returning joy ✩ plumeria = “well, this is new.” ✩ zinnia = mourning your absence
Bucky had been wrong.
His best friend predicted that you would be thrilled to see the new him. After all, the girls at the SSR couldn’t seem to stay away, nor could the flight nurses out on the frontlines, no matter how many times he told them he had a girl back home and just wasn’t interested.
Howard was the only one who knew well enough to warn him; given how Steve had left things with you before he took off on his tour across the country, he shouldn’t expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows when he got back.
The two of you had fought, the biggest one in the history of your relationship, and hadn’t spoken to each other in days before he had to leave. His efforts to lie his way into the army was always a source of friction between you, and this, being selected as the subject for Project Rebirth, was just another straw on the camel’s back.
Steve knew you were just afraid for him, as anyone who mattered to him would be, but it was something he knew he had to do. Unfortunately he couldn’t be convinced, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t also terrified of facing the consequences.
“Be prepared to grovel, Rogers, like you’ve never done before,” Howard warned, giving him a grave look before waving him off. “Hell hath no fury.”
So, he showed up at your door only days before he had to leave for Italy, holding a bouquet of flowers and shuffling nervously on his feet as he waited. Steve didn’t know what to say when you opened the door, feeling a little awkward himself at nearly two feet taller and about a hundred fifty pounds heavier.
You stared at him for a moment, almost as if you didn’t recognize him.
“Hi,” he said sheepishly, giving you a hesitant but hopeful smile. You looked like you might reel back and punch him, no doubt still angry about the way things went down and how he’d returned to you looking like an entirely different man, but then your face crumpled.
There were downsides to the serum, he realized, as he could smell the salt of your tears before they even reached your lashes. He leaned down, bending at the waist, something he never had to do before, letting you wrap your arms around his widened shoulders. He could taste the relief in your tears as he kissed them away.
In the hours that followed, however, you remained distant. He caught you staring thoughtfully at him from across the kitchen, only to quickly avert your eyes when he looked up from the hearty dinner you made him.
You pulled away subtly when he reached for your hand or the soft dip of your waist, flinch when he moved to kiss your cheek, and returned all his dumb jokes with tight smiles.
“Well, this is new,” he grinned softly as he stepped behind you, his chest firm against your back, grabbing a jar on a high shelf that you were struggling to reach.
It took you a few moments too long to turn towards him, your lips curving upwards ever so slightly but it never quite touching the rest of your features.
Even when he lay next to you that night, it felt like you were miles away. He was leaving soon, all the way to Italy and then to god knows where else, and he didn’t want to leave things this way. He didn’t want to go yet, not while he was uncertain about whether you’d welcome him back next time.
But as always, it’s like you hear the thoughts in his head without him ever needing to speak them. It’s why this works; he broods and you see through him, as though you have a map directly to his heart.
“It feels strange,” you confess in hushed tones, the two of you lying in the darkness of your bedroom. When the two of you touch, it feels foreign. You feel guilty, as though you were somehow being unfaithful to a version of him that would never come back.
“I know,” he says, reaching for you. His heart sinks when you pull away. He lays there in silence, his enhanced vision capturing you so clearly in the dark, staring up at the ceiling as your bottom lip quivers.
“You took him from me,” you whisper, eyes shining so brightly with anguish in the moonlight. It takes a moment for him to realize what you mean. He can hear the tears sliding down your temples and dripping onto the pillow.
All he ever wanted to do was the right thing. It never occurred to him that doing the right thing could possibly hurt someone he loves.
“I’m still me,” he murmurs, his fingers desperate to wipe them away, his arms itching to find their place around you once again.
“To everyone else, even to you, he was always just that scrappy little nobody from Brooklyn. But to me?” You are weeping now, your voice thick with grief even though he’s right next to you. “To me, he was everything. I don’t want Captain America. I want Steve. My Steve.”
Steve swallows hard. You always were the only one who did.
“He’s still here,” he pulls you close and this time, you don’t fight him. You fold yourself against him, crying harder when you are met with the hard sharp planes of his new body, instead of his usual soft edges that always seemed to embrace you right back. “I’m right here.”
He lets you cry into his chest until, after what seems like hours, you finally drift off into an uneasy sleep, the front of his shirt still damp with your despair.
But it doesn’t take much longer to find a new normal.
He still smiles at you the same way as the day you met, a little sheepish and a little shy even after all this time.
He still does that thing where he intertwines his fingers with yours, his touch a little evasive, teasing you a bit before finally pressing your palms together.
He still holds you for as long as you need, always letting you be the first one to pull away.
He still quietly fills the pages of sketchbooks that he hides on your bookshelf.
He still eats so slowly, taking his time at your dining table because even a slightly bigger portion than normal used to make him sick.
He still looks at the most terrible parts of humanity and decides that the world is worth saving.
You slowly get used to the fact that he can reach the higher cabinets in your kitchen now, that he no longer falls ill at each turn of the season, and that while you will never get to see your Steve again—even though you think of him often—this Steve is right: he never really left.
And when you’ve forgiven him, because there really was no question about it, when you’re ready to give yourself to him again, you’re both a bit nervous and awkward.
It takes a little bit of dancing to get used to each other’s bodies again; you’re much smaller compared to him now, and he’s afraid he’ll forget his newfound strength and inadvertently hurt you somehow.
But, much like you did before when he was small and inexperienced, he guides you and you eagerly follow. He lets you come to him, allows you to set the pace and boundaries of how far you’re willing to go, and he always looks at you the same. He even says it again—
“I can’t believe you’re here with me,” he croaks, so close you can smell his aftershave.
It’s moments like these when you fully realize that while the serum changed him on the outside, it never touched what was inside. As always, he handles you with the utmost care, pulling you cautiously onto his lap, his hands gently cradling either side of your face as he drinks you in, eyes darting back and forth across your face before he finally leans in to kiss you.
His eyes never once leave yours, even as you abandon your dress and undergarments on the bedroom floor. His fingertips slide down your sternum in a featherlight touch, down the valley between your breasts, before turning his hand over to brush his knuckles lightly over your rib cage, raising goosebumps in his wake.
You stare into his familiar eyes, the ones that fill your vision with the clearest blue—as if you’re looking into a cloudless summer sky, just like the day you met the boy with a heart ten sizes too big for his chest—and you sigh in relief.
“There you are,” you purr against his lips.
His lips stretch into a smile, coaxing yours into doing the same. He remembers a promise he’d made to someone else not that long ago, and he promises it again—to you this time.
That you will stay who you are.
That he will never lose your Steve.
fin.
#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers x f!reader#steve rogers x female reader#steve rogers x y/n#steve rogers x you#steve rogers x asian!reader#steve rogers fanfiction#steve rogers drabble#steve rogers fluff#steve rogers angst#steve rogers fic#steve rogers and reader#steve rogers captain america#pre serum steve#janie’s creative campaign
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MK
Something came up on the mountain. Will explain during training.
DO NOT BRING OUR FRIENDS! Especially Jangles! Trust me, you'll understand why when you get here.
MK reread the message for the 100th time, worried over the implications. Not only does Wukong rarely use the phone Mei got him, preferring to simply Astral Project any messages they need to do, but he'd never forbid their friends form joining in on training. Not since they all started training together while fighting against Azure and Wukong had promised to not keep secrets anymore what with the Samhadi Fire debacle. So the fact he's asking to keep it a secret is a big deal. Although, as Mei had pointed out when he showed her the message, the other monkey had never explicitly said to keep it a secret, just that he didn't want anyone except MK on the mountain for some reason, likely related to whatever he was going to tell him during training.
"Weird that he pointed out Tang in particular. Like, what did Tang of all people do to make Wukong not want him near!?"
MK didn't know. But as he flew towards the mountain he resolved to find out. The last thing he expected was to be met by a very familiar face when he landed. Or rather, four familiar faces that looked far too similar yet still different from his family to be a coincidence.
"Eeek! Demon monkey!!" The Great Monk Tripitaka shrieked as he cowards behind Zu Baijie, Ao Lie, and Sha Wujing. All of them with weapons pointed towards him.
"Aye! Knock it off!" Wukong's voice roared out as he appeared in a flash of gold and red, standing between MK and the others, guarding him. "It's just my c- It's just my successor!"
The weapons immediately drop as the Pilgrims, the ACTUAL PILGRIMS from the STORIES, looked at Wukong incredulously. Zu Baije was the one to voice it.
"You!? A TEACHER!?"
"Yeah, I know!" Wukong snorted, as if hardly believing it himself, "But a lot can change in 1300 years and MK is a good kid. He deserves only the best, Piglet!"
"And... that's you?"
"No, but I'm the one he's got." Wukong's voice was flat, prompting MK to turn his attention to him. He yelped as a well placed kick hit his shin. "MK! What the heck!?"
"What have we talking about regarding self deprivation, Monkey King."
"What... I- that was for you!"
"Still applies!" MK folded his arms triumphantly as the audience began snickering at Wukong's flustered expression as he tried to find a comeback. Eventually his master concedes defeat with a chuckle, throwing his arm around MK in a side hug with a wide grin.
"Alright... well, let's do introductions! Master, Ao Lie, Sha Wujing... Piglet. This is Xiaotian, or MK as he prefers, my student and successor. MK, the Lilgrim of the Great Journey."
ah yes
Wukong now has to deal with an interlude of his old companions crashing at his place, whilst also worrying about possible time paradoxes!
At least half of the Pilgrims are convinced MK is Wukong's kid.
Tang is especially told to stay away cus he's not supposed to exist according to Buddhist doctrine. Golden Cicada was supposed to be done with the whole reincarnation thing after Tripitaka.
Macaque is going to laugh himself silly when he finds out about this! XD
#pilgrim time warp au#sun wukong#lmk mk#qi xiaotian#lmk tripitaka#lmk zhu bajie#lmk sha wujing#lmk ao lie#lmk#lmk aus#lego monkie kid
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Lottienat x reader headcanons
No one requested this but I've decided they're my wives and I have a lot of thoughts about them.
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Lottie and Nat were definitely together first, but they both individually had a crush on you prior to getting together. And they didn't realize until one of them (probably Lottie) brought it up in passing
Then the two of them have a little chat and decide that they both want you in their relationship
You're loosely friends with both of them, like you all never hang out but you do eat lunch together and talk during class
When Lottie and Natalie first got together you were so jealous because somehow the two girls you had crushes on started dating each other
You pretend to be literally so chill about it, like saying you're happy for them a total of one time and never bringing it up again, but everyone except Nat and Lottie can tell you're pissed
One day Nat just starts high-key flirting with you, and you're very confused because you can tell it's flirting, but she's literally with Lottie. Like you saw them holding hands that morning
You brush off the whole interaction until the next day Lottie starts flirting with you. She's a lot more subtle about it, but she's still clearly flirting.
This goes on for like a week until you're like "intervention time" and pull them aside after school one day like "hey why tf do you keep flirting with me"
They're both like silent for a sec before Lottie tells you that they both have a crush on you
And you're all "okay and? Y'all are together?" Not exactly understanding what's happening.
So Lottie has to be like "Yeah, and we'd like you to be together with us."
you tell them you need a minute and just leave. it takes you a few days to warm up to the idea, and then another few days to work up the courage to tell them that you like them back.
almost immediately, they're both all over you, which you aren't opposed to but it def throws you off
Lot is a lot touchier than Natalie. Like any physical touch is generally initiated by Lottie. BUT when Nat has a particularly bad day she's all over both of you.
They both love giving gifts but it's very different for both of them. Like Nat will find small things that reminds her of you and Lottie while Lottie is the type to hear you say you like something one time and it's yours forever
I'm back on my "Nat can cook" grind. She cooks for y'all like nightly bc Lottie can't cook at all and you can make like... mac n cheese
But it's a fair trade bc Natalie hates doing dishes. Like it physically pains her. So Lottie does dishes and you clean the kitchen. It works out really well
As a dyed hair girlie I definitely think Lottie would help both you and Nat dye your hair. Once she suggested the two of you go to a salon and she'd pay for it, and you and Natalie were very offended
Nat was like "it's not as punk/grunge to get it done professionally" while you pulled the "oh so you hate us and don't want to spend time with us" card
Lottie never brought it up again and HAPPILY helped you dye your hair from then on
Everyone fucking says this but sleepovers at Lottie's house. No one's ever home to tell you to leave and Lottie likes the company. Not to mention that Nat will take any excuse to not have to sleep in her trailer.
Nat makes mixtapes for both of you and will leave them in your backpack/random spots in your house. She never actually hands them to either of you.
Canonically they both smoke, so you'll pass around a cigarette or a blunt depending on the day.
You're used to one or both of them showing up to your house unannounced because they're feeling lonely
Natalie gets annoyed when Lottie's parents are home and the two of you have to leave because the Matthews' have some fancy gala
It's become a routine for you and Nat to bother the hell out of Lottie for those stupid parties. It got so bad that she ended up convincing her parents to let her take the two of you
You were never invited to another one of those parties
They make you go to every single home game, no matter how early/late they are. They're convinced that you're a good luck charm, and they both look so happy when they see you in the stands that you can't say no to them
Whenever they win you all go for ice cream or some other sort of treat
Lottie plans and pays for almost every dinner date that you go on. These don't happen often, though, because they're always to fancy restaurants that need a months notice for a reservation
You and Nat end up planning the normal dates, things like movies or concerts
Whenever you're out shopping Lottie goes full sugar mommy. If you even look at something for too long she's buying it for you. Nat's acquired quite the record collection because of Lottie's shopping
If you aren't sleeping at Lottie's (aka you're sleeping at your house) you guys all fight over who gets the bed and which one of you sleeps on the floor. Eventually you just started rotating it, which helped a little.
Modern AU where Lottie has one of those influencer bathrooms with all the travel size cosmetics that she keeps there specially for you and Nat to take. And they're like the expensive ones too, like minis from Sephora
Modern AU where Nat got famous on TikTok and Lottie got famous on Instagram (Nat for being alt and hot, Lottie for being rich and hot) completely independent of each other. When it was revealed all three of you were together you had to deal with an influx of followers on both sites
Photographer Lottie who's constantly taking pictures of both you and Nat for her personal Instagram. There's like two pictures of her total on the whole feed, it's mostly you and Nat
Nat has one photo up on insta and it's one of you and Lottie at the beach that she absolutely loves
Unrelated but Nat is the type to only post memes on her Instagram story
#raecore i suppose#yellowjackets#yellowjackets showtime#natalie scatorccio#lottie matthews#lottienat#lottienat x reader#lottie x reader#lottienat headcanons#lottienat x reader headcanons#natalie x reader#natalie scatorccio x reader#Lottie Matthews headcanons#natalie Scatorccio headcanons#natalie Scatorccio x reader headcanons#lottie matthews x reader#lottie matthewa x reader headcanons#lottienat hcs#lottienat x reader hcs
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OUT OF MY LEAGUE
Request by Anonymous
EVAN BUCKLEY X READER
Word count: 1.7k
Summary: Reader likes Buck and isn't too confident about it. She tends to get jealous. Buck and reader get into an argument.. then booyah idk they want each other. I kind of just wrote out of my ass. But thank you so much for requesting!!
Gender: Female
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Having feelings for my best friend probably wasn’t my smartest idea.. Especially because he is literally the furthest anyone could be out of my league. But I like to torture myself so.. Here we are! I mean I know I’m not ugly per say, but I’m definitely not pretty enough for Buck.
I was standing with Bobby and Hen when Buck walked over holding his bag over one of his broad shoulders and his phone in the other hand. “Another DXA scan and guess who dropped another half percent?” Buck had a goofy smile on his face and I rolled my eyes. “What?” Hen looked confused but I had been hearing about his stupid obsession over his body fat even though he was literally already perfect.
“A DXA scan, it measures your body fat.. You can see your percentage in every part of your body.” He said proudly, showing her the screen. “Oh yeah? To measure the fat in your head?” Chimney walked over with a goofy, proud smile on his face. “See that would be funny but right now we’re about a week away from submissions being due for the hot day smoldering nights men of the LAFD wall calendar and I’m already at my goal weight so it seems my head is clearly.. Working perfectly.” I laughed lightly, Hen spoke up.. Rambling about how sexist this whole thing was.
I zoned out on my phone, another perfect girl showing up on my Instagram feed. God really chooses favorites doesn’t he? Chimney broke me out of my trance, “Okay, that is a beautiful man.” I looked up from my phone to see a newbie, a bit shorter than Buck, brunette, brown eyed, hispanic, the complete opposite of Buck. Alright, why am I comparing them? Buck doesn’t like me like that. “Where’s the lie? And I like girls.” Hen laughed and I snickered as well. “Who the hell is that?” Buck looked almost offended.
“Buck, you're not getting replaced.. Calm down.” I placed a hand on his arm with a laugh and he rolled his eyes and shrugged my hand off. “That’s Eddie Diaz, new recruit. He graduated top of his class just this week. ” Bobby spoke, hands on his hips as usual like a disappointed mom. “The guys over at station six were dying to have him but I convinced him to join us.”
“What do we need him for?” Buck almost snapped, gosh this new guy thing was definitely getting to him. I walked away from the conversation with a small laugh. I went over to the kitchen and grabbed some water. Buck showed up soon after, “This guys trying to steal my spot. I can feel it.”
“No he isn’t Buck.” I ran a hand through my hair, “Give the guy a chance?”
“Aw you too?” He groaned, spinning in one of the chairs. “He’s already brainwashing you guys!” I let out a laugh, “How’s Abby?” I hated bringing her up but I unfortunately needed to know for my own gain. Not like I’d ever make a move but if he’s single there’s a sliver of hope right? “Haven’t really talked to her in awhile, but there was this girl at the bar. She gave me her number but uh.. We went back to her place.” He sighed. I know he hates how hypersexual he is. “I was doing so well. I Haven't slept with anyone in almost a month.” He admitted.
“Buck it’s alright to sleep with people sometimes.” I couldn’t ignore the pang in my chest when I thought of him sleeping with anybody else. Just thinking about him with anyone else was enough to drive me insane. “I do it every now and then,” That was a whole ass lie, but he’s my best friend and I needed to make him feel better. “You do?” He laughed, looking up from his hands. “No no I don't. I just wanted you to feel better.” I snickered. I sat down next to him at the bar of the kitchen. “You're a good guy, you just pick shitty women.”
And with that the alarm went off.
—----------------------------------------------------
I got home, setting my bag on the counter and pulling my coat off. I hung my keys up on the ring and almost immediately took my belt off. That thing was suffocating 24/7. I looked down and saw 4 missed messages from Buck. I groaned and opened them.
Evan:“Can I come over? A pipe burst in Abby's apartment and it flooded.”
Evan:“Viennnaaaa.”
Evan:“Viiiii”
Evan:“I’m about to just show up if you don’t respond.”
Vienna: “Why would I care? Yeah you can always come over but I swear if I hear anything else about this stupid calendar I'll lose it.”
Evan<3 liked a message
I shouldn’t be excited for him to come over.. Well he’s my best friend so I should be but also what if I say something stupid? I’m already exhausted enough. About 15 minutes later Buck walked through the door, I was in my pjs and was holding my cat Prince. “Oh hey.” I sat the cat down and greeted him with a hug. “All your stuff okay?” I tilted my head slightly and he nodded. “All of my stuff yeah.. But Abbys not so much.” He laughed.
“Why are you still living there?” I blurted, not really regretting it. He shrugged, “where else would I stay?”
“Your apartment?”
He shook his head, “I sold it.” He gave me a look that said ‘please don’t be mad at me’ I gave him almost a mom look. “Evan.” His lips immediately turned into a thin line. “I wasn’t thinking!” He protested and I shook my head. “Just stay here. It’s not healthy for you to stay there anymore.. She’s not coming back and you know that.”
“You don’t know that.” He sighed and let out almost an amused laugh. “You still think she’ll come back for you?” That sounded harsh but it was true. He furrowed a brow in confusion, “Why are you acting like this?” He scoffed and I rolled my eyes. “You're just making yourself miserable! Staying at your ex-girlfriend's house isn’t healthy.”
“Oh and you know so much about a healthy relationship hm?” He said, clenching his jaw.
“Buck.” I warned.
“No no, please enlighten me. What do you know about a healthy relationship? The last guy you were with cheated on you twice and you stayed.” He scoffed once more and almost immediately looked like he regretted it. “This isn’t the same situation.” I shook my head. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed.
“Then how did you mean it because it for sure sounded like you meant I’m a dumb ass for staying with him even though- You know what? No, I'm not doing this right now.” I threw my hands up in frustration and turned to walk to my room. “Guest beds made for you.” I said as I slammed my door.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I heard a knock on my door and sighed, getting up and letting Buck in. “I’m sorry for being a dick.” He flopped onto my bed and turned to lean on his hand, propped up on his elbow.
“Me too.” I sat down with my legs crossed in front of him. “You really are welcome to stay here. Unless you’d rather be at Abby’s?”
He shook his head and placed a hand on my knee, I could’ve sworn I let out a quiet yelp. “No no, I’d rather be here.” I smiled at him, “Finally decided to believe your best friend.”
He sat up and faced me, “Have you ever thought about.. You know us bein-” There was a knock at the door that I got up to go get and saw my neighbor standing there. “Oh hey Jamie, what's up?” She handed me a white envelope and smiled back. “Mail got mixed up again.”
I took the envelope with a grin, “Oh thank you! Have a nice evening.” She waved goodbye and I closed the door behind myself. “What were you saying?” I looked up at Buck and grabbed my letter opener. He shook his head. “Nevermind.”
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few weeks later Buck was still living with me and it was starting to feel like he was staying for this long on purpose. That’s silly though right?
I was making dinner when he got home, a 24 hour shift that I could already tell knocked the life out of him. He walked over and took a piece of bacon from the plate. Breakfast for dinner. (Like the only thing I can cook)
“Can I talk to you?” He spoke softly, I nodded. “What happened to Hello, how are you?” I laughed, he rolled his eyes and continued. “I’ve been thinking and.. What if we went out sometime?”
I nodded, “Like where? Bowling again?”
He laughed, “No no.. like on a date, Vi.” I looked at him like he was some alien, what in the world was he even talking about right now? “What? Did the station get dosed again?”
He looked down at me with those pretty pretty eyes I could never resist no matter how hard I tried. “Vi.. I’m being serious.”
“You really are desperate aren’t you?” I rolled my eyes, he just wanted sex so bad. He shook his head and rested a hand on my cheek. “We don’t even have to do anything...” He leaned down into my ear, speaking barely above a whisper. “I like you, Vienna.” I pulled back to look up at him. “Is this a joke? I understand I’m not the prettiest but no need to mock me, Evan..”
He looked confused, “I’m not mocking you? You're literally stunning.”
If he was fucking around I was gonna kill him. I looked up at him, looking for any sign of insincerity.. Nothing. All I could do was nod, him leaning down to kiss me. It wasn’t like how Liam(my ex) used to kiss me, it meant something. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck before remembering the eggs. “Shit.” I turned to the stove and quickly took them off the burner. “So.. that's a yes?” He smiled, I nodded with a laugh. “It’s a yes, Buck.”
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Danny's Daycare Part 18
Masterlist
“What the fuck was that?” Jason hissed the second Danny was out of earshot, looking around the table at everyone who’d questioned Danny after his obvious flashback. A few minutes after dessert had arrived Danny excused himself to find the bathroom which Alfred offered to show him too and Jason took the opportunity to thoroughly reprimand his family.
Duke nodded in agreement. “You guys need to chill out. I know we all want answers but cornering and interrogating him isn’t going to get the answers.”
“That was a flashback, right?” Tim looked to Jason for answers which made him feel like shit cause, yeah it was a flashback but why did Tim seem convinced Jason would know much more than they did? He’d never seen Danny like that before.
Bruce had the decency to look abashed. “He’s clearly hiding something, Jaylad-”
“So are we!” Jason hissed venomously. Dick startled at Jason’s tone but he didn’t care. “We all have secrets that’s all this fucking family is! Just because someone else has secrets does not mean you get to know them all! Besides, he doesn’t know ours so he’s not likely to tell us anything of value!”
“Scared.” Cass said, shutting everyone up to look at her. She frowned. “Don’t bring up parents.”
Jason nodded. “Yes- thank you Cass. As a family of people with crazy and traumatic relationships with our parents- do you think we could have a bit more- I don’t know- TACT?” When his family nodded, sheepishly, he sighed. “Let’s hope you didn’t scare off the only friends Demon Brat has outside of Jon.”
A few minutes of uncomfortable silence and glaring later Danny returned and retook his seat.
“I’ve gotta say, your house puts the mansions I’m used to shame.” He chuckled, taking a sip of water. “Like, I cannot wait to rub in the Mansons faces that their house is practically rundown in comparison.”
Bruce smiled back, one of those fake smiles that no one but his family seemed to be able to see through. Jason was pretty sure Danny had seen through it from the start. “You know the Mansons?”
“Yeah, their daughter is one of my closest friends. They hate me.” He tacked the last part on with a mischievous grin that earned a laugh out of Steph and Jason.
Things weren’t so bad from there. Danny told some story about his best friend’s parents and how they hated him and did their damn best to break him and their daughter up when they’d dated only for her to end up dating their other best friend who her parents hate just as much as him. It was nice and Jason noticed Danny untensing as the story went on and nobody tried to interrogate him again.
Good.
Dick jumped in and started telling his own story- something about Wally probably- while Jason zoned out. Last night he’d gone to the cave to tell B everything Phantom had told him about the GIW, ectoplasm, and the Anti-Ecto-Acts, and, like Jason’d predicted, he was pissed. Most of the family were off doing their own things, on their own cases, out of town, etc. so he, Damian, Bruce, and Babs had spent the night researching.
When Jason finally admitted what Phantom had said about Danny (omitting any information Danny had given Red Hood in confidence), Damian had immediately suggested inviting him and his kids over for dinner to see what they could learn. Jason had protested but Bruce liked the idea, and once Bruce was set on something, nothing would stop him.
So Jason had agreed to come over as well, also omitting the part where he- as Jason- was acquainted with Danny and the boys. Thinking back on their three interactions so far Jason wasn’t sure ‘acquainted’ was a strong enough word for them. He didn’t think they were best friends or anything, but you don’t just call someone sweetheart and flirt as suggestively as Danny had and then call them an acquaintance.
Hopefully.
God, Jason, snap the fuck out of it. He’s GOT a boyfriend.
Then why was he flirting with you?
An uproarious laugh took him by surprise and brought him back to the scene in front of him. Danny was cracking up at something Tim had said, a smug look on Tim’s face confirmed Jason’s guess, and everyone else at the table was laughing along. Jason smiled, watching as Danny wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and admiring how pretty his laugh was and how good he looked in a cardigan and how -
Stop.
Nope. Stop it.
Straightening up, Jason tried to reintegrate into the conversation.
“I’m glad I’m not the only person who's friends with some crazy theorist who thinks he’s got all the answers!” Danny finally managed to curb his laughter.
Tim nodded with a smile. “Bernard once told me he thought Lex Luthor was secretly Batman because ‘the butts match’.”
Danny snorted. “Wes works at the Daily Planet and he’s convinced the guy who always writes about Superman- Clark… something- is Superman! Worse- he’s pretty sure Superboy isn’t his son, but his clone!”
The forced laughter around the table was, hopefully, only obvious to the family. Danny didn’t seem to realize the sharp look Bruce gave Cass, then Jason, then Danny, trying to analyze the situation and figure out if he needed to do some kind of damage control. He came to the same conclusion all of them had already come to though and that was- Danny really thought Wes was wrong.
They were saved from the awkward interaction when Santi ran into the room shouting.
“Danny Danny! You have to come see Damian’s cow! And he has a turkey! You’ve gotta come see ‘em! You ever seen a cow in real life before, Danny?”
Being dragged out of his seat and shooting an apologetic look towards the table, Danny followed Santi out of the room. “You know I’m from the middle of nowhere Illinois, right? I’ve seen cows before…”
Once again out of earshot, Bruce started talking. “I want everything you can find on this Wes who works at the Daily Planet.” Tim nodded, already typing something on his phone. “Jason why don’t you go with them, keep an eye on Danny and the boys.”
“And you’ll be..?” Jason asked accusatorially.
Raising his hands in surrender, Bruce sighed. “We’ll be around, I don’t want to… overwhelm him again.”
“You mean send him into a flashback about his traumatic childhood?” Jason scoffed.
“You never mentioned he had a traumatic childhood.” Bruce pointed out.
Shrugging, Jason stood to escape the conversation. “There’s a lot about Danny I haven’t told you, but I think we can all agree the way he reacted to being asked about his parents and hometown wasn’t the reaction of someone with fond memories.”
He could hear his family trying to excuse themselves from what had happened as he left. At least they hadn’t ALL bombarded him. Duke had been pretty quiet at dinner, Cass obviously hadn’t said much, happier to observe and analyze, and Tim had mostly talked to him about Kon and Bernard.
Danny had seemed rather interested in Tim and his boyfriends which threw him for a loop. Jason would never claim to be a detective. He wasn’t like Bruce and Tim, hell he wasn’t even as good as Damian, Dick, or Steph when it came to detective shit, but he wasn’t a complete idiot! Except Danny’s interest in Tim’s relationship really had confused him. He’d asked how Tim’s boyfriends were, what they did, how they’d all met, how they got together, and while Jason had put together that Danny and Tim somehow already knew each other, he couldn’t figure out what Danny’s fascination with Tim’s boyfriends was.
Catching up to Danny and Santiago didn’t take long. He found them outside, still on their way to the barn where he assumed Miguel and Damian were, and jogged up beside them.
“Hey guys, checkin’ out the barn?”
Santi smiled. “I’m showin’ Danny Batcow!”
“Batcow?” Danny asked, furrowing his brow in a way that made Jason want to hold his face and smooth away his confusion-
“Batcow!” Santi agreed, hurrying inside the barn with Danny in tow.
Damian and Miguel seemed to be deep in conversation, both crouched down and petting Alfred. Santi led Danny and Jason past the boys and towards the cow. Jason hadn’t ever really seen Batcow. He’d heard the story of how they’d gotten her and ended up keeping her and it was often brought up when Damian asked for a new pet or animal of some kind as a way for Bruce to say ‘you already have a cow, what more could you want?’ but he was never actually around the manor this much.
It was an odd feeling.
To know that his family had large parts of their lives he never witnessed because he was rarely around them as civilians. He heard bits and pieces, Dick taught acrobatics, Cass taught ballet, Damian had a cow, Duke got a job, Steph and Tim were going to GU, but he didn’t know the details. Why would he? Why would he care?
What age group did Dick teach? Had Cass ever taken her ballerinas to a competition? Did they win? How many animals did Damian really have? Why did Duke get a job at the daycare specifically? What classes was Steph taking? What was Tim’s major?
Why did he care? He’d never cared before.
But looking at Batcow was like looking at a picture of his entire family that he’d been cropped out of. It left a bad taste in his mouth, to realize he was barely part of the family he’d been part of longer than almost anyone. Isn’t that what he’d wanted? To work alone? To distance himself from the bats and be his own person, neither hero nor villain?
And yet… He’d been spending a bit more time at the manor recently. He’d been less angry and when the anger receded he saw it for what it really was; hurt, loneliness, insecurity. He didn’t like to think too much about it. He was the Red Hood, feared crime lord, murderer, monster- he was the monster in the closet parents warned their kids about. Who cared if he had no one to go home to? Why did it matter if he had to stitch up his own wounds? He was fine with lonely birthdays and even lonelier death days and he didn’t need them to check in on him he was fine-
“Jason?” A cold hand brushed against his jerking him right out of his downward spiral.
“Huh?” He asked, plastering on an unconcerned face.
Squinting, Danny grabbed his wrist. “Come on, Damian says you’ve never met Batcow.” He didn’t let go of Jason’s wrist until they stood right in front of the cows stall. Immediately, Jason missed the cool feeling of Danny’s hand against his skin. “It really does look like the Batman symbol.” Danny confirmed.
“Tt. I didn’t name her Batcow for nothing.” Damian cut in.
Miguel was eyeing Jason in a manner he thought was subtle. It was not. It made his skin itch. Why did Miguel hate him so much again? Something about flirting with his dad?
Leaning closer to Danny until their shoulders were touching, Jason hoped Miguel would stop staring at him like he’d killed his dad- well. He had. But Miguel didn’t know that- actually wait- did they know Hood had killed their dad? Danny told them, right? Was that why Miguel seemed to like him so much?
“You’re doing it again.” Danny muttered only loud enough for him to hear.
Snapping out of it, Jason looked over to see everyone else had left. “Where-”
“Damian mentioned his dog Titus and I convinced the boys to go play with him. You okay?”
Jason nodded. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I- I don’t usually spend this much time around the manor. Brought up some feelings I wasn’t… prepared for.”
Danny nodded in understanding. “I know what that’s like.”
“Yeah?”
Biting his bottom lip, Danny seemed to debate his next words carefully. “A lot of people contacted me after the attack. Some people I… don’t want to talk to anymore.”
Jason let the silence hang over them for a moment. “Your parents?” Danny shook his head, watching Batcow instead of looking at him. “Good.”
“Yeah. Anyway, I know what it’s like to be… reminded of things you don’t want to think about or… of who you used to be.”
Swallowing, Jason decided to take the plunge. “When I… died…” Danny tensed. “Things changed. I changed. And I can’t stand being reminded of that. That I was… a better person- a better son- before. Sometimes I… I wonder what it’d be like if I’d stayed the optimistic kid I’d been but… death…” He trailed off, feeling himself getting choked up.
“It changes you.” Danny nodded solemnly. “And no one understands. Even the people who don’t care that you’re different, the people who love you, they don't get it.” He whispered.
Jason nodded.
They stood there, looking at Batcow, shoulders pressed against each other but not daring to move closer, silent, for minutes. Jason tried not to think about how Danny having died meant he could probably understand what Jason had gone through- he couldn’t burden Danny with his fucked up feelings on the matter anymore.
But Danny didn’t seem to share those feelings.
Thank god.
“I understand.” He breathed, finally looking away from the cow they’d been staring at for way too long. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but… But I understand. I know what it’s like for everyone to look at you differently, like you’re broken, or volatile, or a time bomb waiting to go off, and I know what it’s like for them to want the person who died back and I know that you’re still that same optimistic kid deep down but it’s also impossible to be him anymore and I know that because I’m the same.”
Jason let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding (he had no idea when it started but he’d been able to hold his breath for a really long time recently and sometimes he wondered if he even needed to breathe) and met Danny’s eyes.
“You’re the same person as before but you’re also not and no one understands because that doesn’t make any sense but it does, Jason.” It was at the moment Danny said his name that he realized how close they were. “And it’s fine if you have complicated feelings about your childhood home or your family or anything else because it IS complicated. You don’t have to apologize to me for spacing out or needing space or not knowing what’s wrong because I do that all too.”
Fuck.
He couldn’t breathe. (He wasn’t sure he needed to) When was the last time someone had said something so… tender to him? When was the last time someone had looked him in the eyes for this long? His family usually looked away when they sensed his feelings getting too big, when they saw a hint of green, when they couldn’t take looking at the scarred remnants of the child they’d loved anymore.
Danny kept staring.
Danny held his gaze.
“I… sorry-” Jason’s voice stopped working. He looked down, unable to stare directly into the sun any longer, his eyes burning.
Cool hands hesitantly grabbed his and squeezed. “You have nothing to apologize for, Jason.”
“This is dumb.” Jason scoffed, pulling one hand away to swipe the tears off his face before Danny could see them. “It happened so long ago.”
Danny shrugged. “I died nine years ago and it still bothers me.”
Jason’s head whips up so fast he almost headbutts Danny. “That’s- that’s so-”
“Young?” Danny guesses with a sad smile. “Yeah, but it is what it is. Besides, sounds like you were pretty young too.”
“Fifteen.” Jason admits.
“Fourteen.” Danny adds. “But it doesn’t matter if you were fifteen, twenty five, fifty five, that shit stays with you. Whether it was for a few seconds, minutes, or much longer, death holds on. It changes you and no one can understand it if they haven’t been through it too. They just can’t.”
The situation felt ridiculous. Jason and Danny, who’d only met a few times (in his civvies anyways), holding hands in his adoptive dads barn, staring at his little brother's cow, crying about their teenage deaths. It was too much. Jason let out a pitiful laugh. “This is the dumbest place to have this conversation.”
Danny smirked. “Well I think it’s fine, but if you want to continue this conversation sometime over, say, dinner, I’d be more than happy to do that.” Jason stared- was that? Was he asking Jason on a- “I mean, I do think you mentioned getting dinner before and I’d certainly like the chance to get to know you better.”
“Are you-”
“Asking you on a date? Yes.”
Oh. Holy fuck. Either Danny and Phantom were in some kind of open relationship or he’d read the situation very wrong. Either way he didn’t care. “Yes. I’d like that.”
“Yessss!” Someone hissed from the other side of the barn.
Peaking over Danny’s shoulder, Jason spotted Santi crouched behind a stack of hay. Danny also turned around, letting go of Jason’s hands (he tried not to think about how disappointed that made him), and put his hands on his hips (also tried not to think about that or how good his hips would feel in his hands-). “Santi?” Danny said with the patience of a saint.
“Uh… noooo?” Santiago responded.
Danny sighed loudly. “Santi, I thought you were going to play with Damian’s dog?”
The boy, realizing he’d been caught, stepped out shyly. “I was but I- uh, I wanted to see Batcow again?”
“Nice try, kid.” Danny deadpanned. “Come on, let’s go find your brother. I don’t want to leave you alone and I think I’ve been a terrible guest.”
Jason tilted his head. “How so?”
With a smirk, Danny crossed his arms. “Well it was rude to leave mid-interrogation. I’m sure there are many more questions your family would like answered before I leave, wouldn’t you agree?” Then he walked away with Santi, and Jason had only one thought.
Fuck.
He’s in love with that twink.
~~~~~~~
By the time Danny and Jason had made it back inside the house, Danny had calmed down and prepared himself for more insensitive questions. He wasn’t exactly angry about the questioning, he kind of found it hilarious, but he wasn’t sure how to explain the whole ‘dead ghost king who’d been vivisected by his parents’ thing so he just didn’t explain anything.
He and Jason came back to what seemed to be a mario kart tournament that Tim, Dick, Steph, and Duke were all competing in. Cass watched from the sidelines, she’d apparently been banned from playing in the tournaments because she always won. They offered Danny a slot but he was happier to watch than to play.
At that point they’d been there for a couple of hours and he was starting to get tired. Life had been crazy recently and even though you’d think getting some actual sleep recently would mean he wasn’t tired all of the time, it had the opposite effect. Like his body had realized how it was supposed to feel after getting a full night’s rest and had started a revolt in protest of the last two months of power naps.
Santi, Miguel, and Damian had gone to Damian’s room to hang out (although Danny couldn’t shake the feeling that Damian was keeping the boys occupied so that the rest of his family could get Danny alone for questioning) after it had gotten too dark to continue playing with Titus outside.
When the tournament finally wrapped up it was almost nine and Danny decided that was long enough for their first time coming over. He sent a text to Miguel to finish up and meet him in the Foyer in the next ten minutes so they could head home.
“Aww, come on Danny, just one match!” Steph whined.
He chuckled. “I don’t need to be demolished in mario kart tonight, thank you very much.” He was actually fairly certain he’d give most of them a run for their money, but he didn’t want to issue a challenge and get caught up in the game. “Next time.” He said without thinking.
“Ha! You owe me fifty bucks!” Dick shouted at Tim.
Tim grumbled, reaching for his pocket. “Come on man, couldn’t have hated my ridiculous family like a normal person?”
“What just happened?” Danny asked, looking between Jason and Cass. Jason shrugged, Cass gave them a knowing smile, and Danny remained in the dark. “All right, well. It was nice to meet you, Steph, Cass, and nice to re-meet everyone else. Duke- no work next week, seriously- take the week off.” He waved to everyone, following Jason to the foyer.
The boys were already there when he arrived and Damian said something about how they were already on their way downstairs when Miguel received his message. Before they could say their goodbyes, a pair of footsteps was rushing towards them. Tim turned the corner, almost slamming into Danny before stopping himself.
“Where’s the fire, Timbers?” Jason raised an eyebrow.
Tim rolled his eyes. “Kon just told me he was on his way with Ma’s pie.”
“I will accept that excuse for the small small price of one piece of pie.” Jason grinned.
“No way! Ma’s pie is like liquid gold- no way I’m giving you any of it!” Tim retorted just as the door opened.
A man, probably about Danny’s age, wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses (it was night?) walked in holding what appeared to be a pie. “Hey guys- I brought-” He cut himself off, immediately freezing and dropping the pie. Tim and Jason shouted as the so-called liquid gold crashed into the ground, pie pan shattering and red liquid seeping onto the floor. Must have been cherry.
That wasn’t what startled Danny. What startled Danny was the way that Kon stared at him, like he was seeing more than what Danny showed on the surface. Like he was peering past the barriers and barbed wire disguised as jokes and seeing something he shouldn’t.
“Sorry!” Kon squeaked, ripping his eyes away from Danny and kneeling to pick up the ruined pie. Danny heard the quiet ‘what the fuck is wrong with his heart’ whispered under Kon’s breath and immediately felt his pulse quicken. Kon froze again and Danny decided to try something. Something he didn’t do often but his body did on its own whenever it felt like it.
Or rather- whenever his body didn’t feel like it. He stopped his heart.
“Oh my god are you okay!?” Kon shot up, grabbing Danny’s shoulders and looking him over.
Pulling away, slightly startled by Kon’s intensity, Danny’s theory was confirmed. Kon had super hearing. He must have been startled by Danny’s slow heartbeat and panicked. Then he realized Danny was fine and tried to cover it up. Danny stopping his heartbeat would scare anyone with super hearing- it had scared him a few times until he’d gotten used to the on and off heartbeat.
“Kon?” Tim asked, placing a firm hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “You okay?”
The man nodded slowly, hearing Danny’s heartbeat return. “Uh- yeah, I’m- I’m good. Sorry, I- I’ll clean this all up, just… gonna use the bathroom first.” And then he was gone, faster than Danny thought was completely human but, well, he’d kind of already confirmed Kon was a meta.
The foyer was completely silent at that point, confusion laced through the room and Danny decided the best course of action was to shrug it off. “Well that was strange- Tim, your boyfriend is odd, but seems nice. Sorry about your pie guys.”
“Uh- I’m just- I’m going to check on him. Nice seeing you again, Danny!” Tim rushed off, leaving the destroyed pie behind.
“That was weird as fuck.” Miguel muttered.
“Language.” Danny said. Really, he didn’t care if the boys swore, but maybe not in the fucking Wayne’s manor? “We’ve got to get going, but thank you for inviting us over, Damian, it was nice to see you again.” Turning to Jason he smirked and spoke so no one else could hear him. “I’ll text you, doll.”
His smirk grew wider as Jason’s face grew pink and felt victory settle in his bones. Despite some of the weirdness, it was a really nice night. At least he’d gotten a date with Jason out of all the interrogating.
~~~~~~
“Kon what the fuck was that?” Tim demanded, barging into his bedroom where Kon had chosen to hide out until Danny left.
Kon turned to face Tim slowly. “He- god Tim he’s covered in scars he-” The man ran a hand through his hair and met Tim’s eyes. “He had an autopsy scar like Jason.”
Tim had noticed Danny’s scars before. He had one on his hand the looked like the beginning of a Lichtenberg scar which didn’t make any sense because those were supposed to fade after a few days, he had another on the back of his neck which he seemed to try and hide with hoodies and collared shirts, his fingers on his right hand had varying degrees of scarring like a ring around each one, but he’d obviously never seen more than that.
An autopsy scar was… well it was another clue, somehow. He didn’t know how Danny dying and having an autopsy and coming back to life like Jason had connected to anything else but it had to be why Danny and Phantom- King of Ghosts- had some kind of connection. Was- Was Phantom the ‘friend’ who’d asked Danny to come to Gotham in the first place?
“That’s not all- I mean, that’s why I dropped the pie but- Tim his heart stopped.”
“What?!” Tim hissed, jerking out of his thoughts. “What do you mean-”
“His heartbeat was really slow, it was concerning but then it just- it just STOPPED. Altogether. And then it started again after I’d already freaked out on him.”
What the fuck did that mean? “I have to talk to B- what the fuck, Danny?”
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"Is that a complaint I hear?" The playful gleam in her eyes in plain view as she looked at him. "And, here I thought you liked it when I don't behave." Her laugh rung out from her chest, no disagreeing there. Babygirl was indeed their proof. “She’s going to have so much family, she won’t even know where to start. Plus, her first cousin too. Imagine if they're also best friends." Like her and Juju. Hopeful, maybe. "Well, considering the badge is collecting dust somewhere on my desk, we'd be out of luck. So, no sexy rebel for you."
His question made her head turn quickly to look at him. Had she not mentioned that earlier? And, just like that, she was caressing the side of his face, her fingertips brushing against the scruff. "One hundred percent, two hundred percent even. Way too sexy, honestly it's a shock that you leave the house looking like this." Because, truly, Laurel surprised herself for letting him go each day. "With those bright eyes," her fingertips brushing his brow ridge. "Hm, and this scruff you have going. Your soft smile too. That's been sexy from day one." Laurel knew how much he liked details, and eagerly, she provided. She only nodded in response, feeling more confident in this situation's eventual resolution. It was a given that Isaac had a lot on his plate with his ex looming and Nettie's safety being compromised. That's also why she knew that pushing him now about something that happened some time ago probably wouldn't garner the best reaction. But, Eli and Isaac had been through a lot together, that much she knew. Laurel listened to the full name, how easily it flowed from his lips. Rosaline Phillips Thorn. It sounded beautiful, it fit perfectly. "It does...yes, I agree. I love it." If she wasn't so comfortable here, she could've jumped in the air with excitement. "And, she keeps her Rosebud nickname? Double bonus. Only took us this many months," she teased, knowing they had exhausted every other name book. Laurel laughed completely amused as the sight was drawn in her mind. Eli arm wrestling Juju for it, because no way she was giving up that name. "Right? It would go with our names too. Hm, you arm wrestle Juju, and I'll take Aaron," words said in between laughs, how silly it sounded.
"True, it's okay. I'm not in a rush to tell them. I like that it's just between us." Much like their promise to be life partners, before marriage even came to mind. "I'm sure the time will come up. You're giving me the convincing job? Oh, tough one." Though, perhaps less impossible. Emma had asked a few questions about how they like living here, though she hadn't mentioned to him yet. "Rosebud might be the extra push they need to move, especially now that Isaac is also settling into Texas more permanently. I think you guys would love to have them closer to home. Yes, let's bring it up casually and see what they think."
Her eyes might've been sparkling thinking of the soft tiramisu from that restaurant. But, she was definitely getting sidetracked, so Laurel shook her head and brought her attention back to him. Though, another opportunity for distraction presented itself. Words failed her as he licked the cinnamon sugar from his lips, that wasn't fair. "Huh? Oh, yes the phone number." She took his phone, and her smile instantly widened. His background, their picture from the pier. Seemed like forever ago. Quickly unlocking his phone, she smiled triumphantly. "Yup, you have the number right here. Okay, I'll give them a call. Do you think eight o'clock is okay?"
Laurel glanced down to the small piece of churro, "yeah I think I'm done." His yawn did not go unnoticed, leaning against his head slightly. "It's been a long day babe, makes sense. I'm glad too, because you need to rest. Maybe an early night for us, after dinner? I'm sure Emma has tons of plans already for tomorrow, so we'll need the extra sleep."
With that, she pressed the dial button and brought his phone to her ear to make the dinner reservation for five. Requesting a table outdoors, enjoying the Texas warmth while they still had it. "Okay, we're all confirmed. Should we go see what your siblings are up to?"
"When?" Eli asked on the verge of a laughing fit. "Have you ever behaved? Pretty sure baby girl there is proof neither of us can behave." True in their nature there were more moments where they misbehaved than actually behaved and that made him laugh. "One thing is for sure she won't be alone." Whether that was because of found cousins or not their daughter was not going to know what it was like not to feel loved. "The badge? Oh you're a sexy rebel. Let's keep your record untouched. Don't want our kid to judge you."
And I love you would never get old. He would always love hearing it come from her. The way she loved him even down to the fragments made him feel lucky that she had stuck around for the ups and downs. "Has it made me sexier though," he asked, a playful smile gracing his lips. "Thanks for the vote of confidence baby." He'd forgive Issac he knew it. Laurel knew it and deep down even Issac knew it. Their bond was just too strong to be broken by a deep misunderstanding. The guy saw past the nerdy comic book era and still welcomed him into his space. That would never not count for something. Rosaline made his head turn to her and a soft smile flashed across his features. "Rosaline Phillips Thorn." He liked the name and how well it flowed. A wide grin overtook him as he laughed. "I think that's it. That's her name. Nickname we can keep as Rosebud. But oh my god we did it. She's not nameless anymore." He made a zipped lip gesture and nodded as he waited for her to drop the name and once he heard it he smiled. "Aurora. Well hot damn I like that one too. Do you think we can arm wrestle her for it?" Eli teased knowing full well he was wise not to fuck with juju.
"Things keep getting in the way , but it also wouldn't be us if our good news didn't keep being sidelined one way or another. We'll tell them before they leave. Maybe you can convince them to stay and move." Wishful thinking on his part but also not impossible. With a niece on the way, Inez and Emma would have an excuse to not be so far away. "I do think so. Isa would have his entire family in one place and he wouldn't have to travel back and forth. I'd love them to be closer. Maybe we can float the idea at dinner with them?"
He tried to hide his smile as she got sidetracked with the tiramisu, a regular occurrence the last few months. His sleeve covered his knowing smile as he took a bite of his churro and licked the cinnamon off his lips. "I may have the number on my phone," he made his voice level as he passed her his phone for her to look at. The screen lighting up and showing off a silly picture of themselves at the pier. He had promised he'd change it but he still hadn't gotten around to it. The pass code he knew she knew as it combined all their favorite numbers.
"Are you done with this piece?" he asked as he chewed his own and covered a yawn. "Who would have thought this outing would make me sleepy. Glad I have the day off tomorrow. I don't think I have the energy to be work me walking around at the station."
#this was so so beautiful...their fluff is everything to me#they took their time but it was worth it!! 😂😂#lally cloud means the world to me
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not to post about someone who isn’t here anymore but I miss bbycnt so bad that’s my fucking friend right there she was the fucking best 😭
#unimportant thoughts#woke up to the sweetest message of support from her this morning#ripping my CHEST OPEN dude people CARE about me sometimes#😭😭😭#like! im her friend !!!#she wants me to be happy and cut out unhealthy people from my life !!#she introduces me to her girlfriend and sends me cat videos and !#stopping at any sadness in its tracks from now on by asking myself ‘what would bbycnt say about this’#what am i doin dude#this year i told myself one of my goals was to stop getting so in my head about my friendships#and consciously reach out to friends more and trust that they would communicate if i was annoying#and where am i now? frustratingly alone feeling because i let myself convince myself everyone hates me#refusing to reach out to people who have done absolutely nothing but welcome me with kindness#just becsuse i decided that they dont care about me the way i want to according to my arbitrary rules and experiences#UGH#need to splash water on my face and slap my cheeks a few times#Teddy!!! be normal about your friendships and bonds with people !!!!#you cant expect everyone to understand when youre sad or lonely and want reached out to!!! you have to reach out yourself too!!!!#i mean admittedly some of my pain is that it feels like im the only one reaching out and caring and its nof reciporicated#BUT im not even giving people a chance or communicating that im just giving up cause i love self induced misery#GOING TO DO BETTER#going to do better going to do better people care about me and want to be my friend i need to be a better friend for them#🫡🫡🫡#delete later#bbycnt
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show tempe gang crossover with the morris islanders would actually have been the best episode of bones ever. btw
#please ignore the rest of the tags i will just be making things up#okay they start out in carolina but at least half the episode takes place in dc. do not ask me how travel logistics would work#tory spends the entire episode off with tempe doing bone stuff. booth feels upstaged by a 16-year-old girl#so he goes and hangs out with ben who does NOT trust him right off the bat#ben ends up having to run him over to liri at some point because there's crime afoot and tom is busy. they spend most of the ride in silenc#ofc they end up bonding Eventually because they are both obsessed with crazy emotionally stunted redheads named t brennan#tory is more effective than any of the squinterns and manages to piss hodgins off so bad just by existing#coop hangs out in the lab as saroyan tries to kick him out thirty times. he just keeps showing up and she can't prove who's letting him in#(it's tempe.) angela loves tory but tory does not love angela back. saroyan tolerates her. sweets likes her but knows she's hiding somethin#comes to the conclusion that she can read her friends minds and slowly drives himself crazy because obviously that can't be true#tory brings hi along whenever she needs someone with people skills and he is MORE than happy to participate in a hodgins experiment#hi gets to be king of the lab for about ten minutes. shelton hits it off with angela immediately and they solve half the case together#booth fucking HATES hi because he's evasive and really good at the manipulation thing. booth can't win verbal sparring and he gets Big Mad#at one point the four of them are in an interrogation room together (MISTAKE) because tory had them meddling a little too close to the sun#and booth is trying so hard to question them which didn't work even when they COULDN'T read each other's minds#tory figures out who did it and hi steals her thunder a la shrek wasnt vandalized he gave birth#temperance tells tory 'i know you've got a secret sweets told me and even though i don't trust psychology i find he's insightful' etc etc#tory's like well i might be but i can't tell you it's not just my secret and you wouldn't believe me anyway#because let's be real tempe WOULDNT believe her#meanwhile saroyan convinced by sweets paranoia managed to get a sample of tory's blood and test it and is like HEY WHAT THE FUCK#gets hodgins and they just stare at the results together and delve into conspiracy theories. he's like i KNEW there were werewolves#they debate telling tempe but know it wouldnt end well for the kids and decide to get rid of the evidence. but hodgins is SO smug#also angela spends the whole episode trying to convince everyone hi and shelton are dating and no one believes her#they finally see them kiss or something and they're all somehow floored and angela's just like yeah? duh?#if anyone read this i'm sorry and why
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My boyfriend had a hard week and was stressed and came over to my place for date night on the verge of tears. And so I convinced him to let me scrap our original plans so I could take care of him.
I set up a nice bath with Epsom salts and candles and music and my galaxy light and tea and the best charcuterie I could scrounge up from my kitchen and got him in, and I sat next to the tub while he told me about everything until it was out and he just melted into the water, refusing to let go of my hand.
When he was done I wrapped him up in my robe and rubbed his feet while he lay with my heating pad in a pile of blankets, and once he started smiling and laughing and being himself again, I definitely felt that magic. I love it
magic is real you fools it happens when you make other people laugh
#auxy#mmm i really feel like it all is magic you know#yeah#i need to convince some of my friends to let me do this for them#i worry and my magic is in making people safe and comforted#at least i think and i hope
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Auditory processing issues suck SO HARD. I just spent about 1.5 hours watching the first half hour of a movie on YouTube, because I had so much trouble understanding the dialogue that I kept constantly having to go back and listen again and again and again, look up a transcript of the full film (the transcript contained mistakes, so it wasn't much help), compare and contrast various subtitle files available online, even cup my hands around my ears, etc. Just to figure out what the characters were saying to each other.
And it's not just literally understanding what words they say to each other, oh no. That's only the first step. The next step is figuring out what those characters MEAN when they say certain words. Like when a dude says "You know, I see, like, if we can get successful, it's, like, L-L, man… limos and Learjets," I feel like I'm having a stroke. I have to hit pause and sit there for a sec and ask myself a bunch of questions and do some research online.
Why did he say L-L? Why did he randomly say the initials of the two things he wants? Also, why does he specifically say 'Learjet'? When people dream of having a private jet, don't they normally say 'private jet'? I'd never heard the word Learjet before, so I had to go look it up to try to get more context, but that didn't really help. Is this a music biz reference I don't know? Is this a Canadian reference I don't know? If this happened once or twice during a movie, it would be no problem, but when I'm stopping and going back literally every two minutes, it takes for-fucking-ever to get through the film and my brain is So! Fucking! Exhausted!
I had to stop at about the half-hour mark. I felt like I was about to cry from frustration, so I quit for the night. I'll return to it in a day or two, when I've got a bit more mental energy, and try to work my way through the rest. If I can get through half an hour of film time per day (in an hour or so, however long it takes to get through that much), I can finish the movie in three days of watching. (And this is a movie I really, really WANT to see. I wouldn't waste a moment of my time struggling through it if I didn't care this much about it.)
Anyway. Sometimes when people say they "don't watch movies much", it doesn't necessarily mean they're being elitist snobs or whatever. Sometimes it's just so fucking challenging and exhausting to watch a movie that it leaves me feeling angry at my own body for being a dysfunctional piece of crap. I don't know if this counts as a "disability" and I'm not claiming that label because I don't want to step on any toes, but I have to admit that the mere prospect of watching a film often fills me with dread because it can be so intensely difficult for me (unless I just mentally check out and give up on understanding it completely, which is what I typically do when I'm watching with other people).
#please don't be harsh to me about this y'all :( i just needed to vent#i feel stupid enough already for being so incredibly fucking bad at something as simple as WATCHING A MOVIE#i don't get it? is this an autism thing? or is it an auditory-processing issue only?#tbf it's a mockumentary (hard core logo) and as i said to a friend tonight: that might be part of the problem#i think actors in mockumentaries often don't have an actual script and tend to improvise a lot of their dialogue#which is great for creating really realistic and convincing dialogue#but also often means that sentences trail off or make no sense; words are pronounced weirdly; enunciation is shit; etc.#the actors in this movie are really good in the sense that they're very realistic and it comes across basically like a real documentary#so props to them for that. but jfc. is it just me being shitty at understanding people talking?#or is it that these people do not fucking know how to project and enunciate and open their goddamn mouths when they talk?#and place emphasis in the right place in sentences? AND PRONOUNCE WORDS CORRECTLY FFS???#no i'm not being fair. and i know that. it's not fair of me to blame the actors/characters for my own difficulty understanding them.#but god this is hard for me. kind of ironic that i've studied so many foreign languages and can understand about 10 languages more or less#but i'm almost brought to tears by the challenge of trying to understand what native english speakers are saying in a normal film#there's another line where the transcript says 'as long as we can keep the fuckin' mentals fuckin' together'#but i swear he does not actually say 'mentals'. i listened to that bit so many times!!!#i even sent the link to a friend who confirmed that it didn't sound like 'mentals' to him either. more like 'mantoros' but that's not a wor#anyway i eventually just gave up on that one. i'm done for the night. i need to sleep#might delete this tmrw bc it feels stupid to get this down over literally just trying to watch a movie :( but i had to let off some steam#if anyone has a CORRECT transcript of this movie anywhere (you'll know it's correct if it does NOT include the word 'ryder') pls let me kno#that would help a lot with my future attempts at finishing it. but now i'm going to bed
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Me: I should probably clean my room, unpack, find my laptop and finish the work tasks that were due yesterday
Also me: I think I'm going to hot glue flowers, vines, and ribbons to a basket instead :)
#no my room is so bad it even hurts my chronically messy soul#i moved back in with my parents in May and im terrible at unpacking#so everything is just strewn about because i just pulled shit out of boxes when i needed them and never put them anywhere productive#and i just got back from my summer camp job. i still need to digitize my inventory and write my closing report#it was supposed to be done before i left camp but i convinced them to let me do it by monday#today is tuesday#part of the reason i havent done it is because my laptop is lost in this mess#last thing im procrastinating is ren faire prep#truly its not much prep just adding vines and flowers to a basket and needing to try on my whole outfit#and practice my makeup and hair#makeup will be light bcuz i dont know how to do makeup#so im just doing some lipstick and glittery highlight#and i need to figure out what to do with my hair. i have a tiara that i might see about fastening into the braids#or i may braid ribbons into my hair. gotta test to see whoch one i like better#i am so fucking excited for ren faire bcuz im going with my gf and some of her friends#im so excited to meet her friends and spend time with her outside of the summer camp we worked at together#AND im going to do her hair and she asked me to braid ribbons into her hair so im so excited#i just need to practice some braids to figure out how i want to do her hair and practice braiding in ribbons#i fucking love doing hair and i cant wait to do hers. ive done single strand braods for her before BUT#she has long beautiful hair and ive been wanting to try more braids on her and i think i have an idea of what i want to do#but instead of doing anything productive. i am sitting in bed. doing nothing#(spoiler alert its because every time i leave camp i get treated to a terrible depressive episode)#(its because i lose the routine and sunshine and exercise and social aspect of camp probably)#(now worsened by the terrible state of my room and the passing of one of my rats while i was at camp that i just learned about)#anyway im doing fine. gonna go do something now ig
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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MY LIFE IS NOT REAL WHAT IS GOING ON
#GUYS#so for context before i get into the storytime i currently live at home with my mom and brother#and my mom came into my room at like 10:30 and said ‘i need you to go downstairs and be the adult right now because i can’t deal with this’#(my mom is 54 and i’m 20 but sure i’ll be the adult???)#so basically. my brother (13) gave our fucking address to some random person on discord who claims to be 11 but who the fuck knows#keep in mind my brother was born in 2011 so he’s grown up with the internet his whole life#and he’s been told countless times by my entire family not to give out personal information online but he has done it multiple times#anyway he says he and his friends from school have been talking to this ‘kid’ on discord for like a year#and none of them know him irl bc he lives in rhode island or something but they’ve apparently been on video calls with him and seen his face#so there’s a good chance he actually is a kid but i personally don’t trust anything online anymore so i’m not totally convinced#but anyway he apparently sent my brother what looked like a youtube link but when he clicked on it it gave this kid his ip address#i have no idea how that shit works or if that’s possible but that’s what he’s saying#and then my brother was arguing with this kid bc i guess he’s racist?? and the kid was like ‘just remember i have your address’#and my brother is being super vague about everything but i guess the kid implied he was going to send a swat team to our house or some shit#so my brother freaked out and called the cops and since my mom wanted me to be the adult i had to go sit downstairs and wait for them#and let me tell you it was so fucking embarrassing standing there while my brother told the cop this insane story#and while my brother was inside getting his phone the cop asked me ‘so what’s the deal do you think this is legit or just kids talking shit’#like bro don’t ask me i have no idea what the fuck is going on and i’m so sorry you had to come to our house to deal with this 😭#anyway he’s going to file a report so if the cops get a call anytime soon about a murder or something happening at our house—#—they’ll call me or my mom to ask what’s going on and make sure it’s not this fucking kid from rhode island swatting us#so that was my night! what the fuck#i’ve never regretted moving back home more than i do right now#lj.txt
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