#i need someone to wrap him up and hold him until it doesn't hurt anymore

[thecranekick]

rewatching cobra kai for the 100th time - have we ever talked about the iron eagle scene? yeah it's funny when the larusso auto ad cuts in and everything, but have we talked about the specific scene that's playing? after a horrible last 24 hours?

“a bunch of things must have gone wrong if you’re listening to this. whatever happened, i know you must be real scared.”  johnny - drunk - sits up, focuses a little harder. “right now, you’re probably filled with all the doubts in the world. but i’m gonna tell you something: God doesn’t give people things he doesn’t want ‘em to use.”  johnny flashes back to leading his cobras in warmups.  “...and he gave you…the touch.”  he flashes back to hitting daniel’s bad leg in the tournament. “it’s a power you have inside of you-”  he starts borderline crying.  flashes back to the incident at the mini mart. “down there where you keep your guts, boy.” to miguel’s face as johnny’s defending him. “it’s all you need to blast your way in and get back what they took from you.”

you can see the hurt and the exhaustion in his whole face. idk that whole moment is just so special to me. he's playing his favorite movie that he's probably seen 1,000,000 times, and it's like he's hearing those words in a new way (before daniel cuts in). a bunch of things have gone wrong. he probably is scared, underneath it all. is this all his life will ever be? God doesn't give people things he doesn't want them to use. he's good at karate, it's all he's ever really known. he should use it. he's also got heart - he should use it. he knows it's somewhere inside him, buried so far down it's unrecognizable now. down where he keeps his guts. guys i-

[emelinstriker]

☆ A Few ESAU Headcanons ☆

Art drawn by me + the AU itself is mine.

We literally hit the 1k follower milestone only like 5 days ago, how tf did y'all bring it way beyond and made it 1022 followers this quickly- I couldn't even make a special in time- I love y'all but how dare you- So I'mma just lovingly slap you guys with these headcanons- hfgnhfgnhfg

Also, these are supposed to be dating/romantic headcanons, but half of them count more towards general relationships with your champions within the AU.

☆ ~ Headcanons ~ ☆

☆ Wukong

>Doesn't talk much, but loves to show his affection towards you with his actions.

>Has a habit of wrapping his cape + tail around you when hugging/cuddling you.

>Much like his LMK counterpart, he is still lazy in his own way. So he rather lazily snuggles against you when cuddling. He's like a blanket with some extra weight to keep you trapped in his arms.

>His kisses are very gentle for his rather emotionless attitude. Mainly because he doesn't want to overwhelm you or accidentally hurt you with his strength.

>Very protective of you. Of course he was already protective before, but if you're in a relationship with him, then he takes his jobs of protecting you a lot more seriously. That's not just his Master in danger anymore, but also his significant other.

>Casually picks you up with his tail and holds you close when he craves kisses or cuddles. Won't do it in public though. In public he just holds your hand.

☆ Macaque

>Talks a lot and practically won't shut up about how much he loves you.

>Most openly clingy out of them all. You better get used to him literally hanging onto you at times.

>Hope you don't mind him accidentally getting blood on you when hugging you. Don't worry, it's not his.

>Might show slight yandere-ish behavior when you're in a relationship, but it's really not that noticeable when comparing it to his regular behavior. Just take his usual somewhat unhinged vibe and crank it up a bit.

>Dramatic over-the-top flirt. Unironically has done the draw-me-like-one-of-your-french-girls pose while shirtless on the bed before, and he wouldn't hesitate to do it again.

>Lots of PDA. He not only won't verbally shut up, but also physically won't let you escape his love. He tends to initiate a lot of passionate kisses even in public. But if you don't feel comfortable about making out in public, he's also fine with just little pecks on the lips.

☆ Nezha

>He was just supposed to act like your guard. How dare you make him feel this way. Not that he's actually complaining, of course.

>If you have kids/have to babysit kids, he's your best helper. He doesn't have a problem dealing with them all day and will make sure they don't accidentally get hurt while playing.

>Has a tendency of kissing the back of your hand when on-duty. Doesn't mean he isn't sneaking in cheek kisses here and there before you can even react.

>Out of all of them, he's the one with the highest probability of suggesting going to Megapolis or another city for dates. Though, you can expect him to wear sunglasses with his disguise. For obvious reasons.

>Tends to act more like your bodyguard than your boyfriend, so you have to basically teach him to loosen up a bit when on a date, and remind him he's not on some mission.

>Generally needs more time to just relax, so a recommendation would be to have a lot of dates, or even little vacations with him away from the palace. It also just adds to the time spent together. (Whether or not you'll actually be fully alone with him away from the others is another thing. Especially when they can transform/disguise themselves to act as bonus bodyguards without your knowledge.)

☆ MK

>He's an absolute sweetheart. Until he isn't.

>Let me rephrase that: He's an absolute sweetheart towards you and his fellow champions, but will not hesitate to rip off someone's arm if they try to flirt with you. Even if it's playfully/jokingly flirting, clarify that to him before he targets the person that was just joking around.

>He usually asks for kisses first by either silently wrapping his tail around you and leaning against you, or just flatout asking you directly. There is no in between.

>Surprisingly remembers when you plan a date. Also remembers your anniversary. What he usually doesn't remember is to bring whatever little gift he packed up for you, so you sometimes have to pick up your gift in his room.

>Pretty sure that's part of the plan and he just wants to have you alone so no one could disturb you two, but it's hard to tell whether or not he's doing it intentionally or is just really forgetful about specifically that.

>Sometimes offers you his bandana to wear, and you get to see his hair in a slightly different style.

☆ Red Son

>If you're ever hungry and have little to no experience in cooking or baking, he gotchu. He can also teach you how to cook/bake if you want to learn. Or if you already know how to work the kitchen, he wouldn't mind letting you prepare meals with him as bonding time.

>He is too embarrassed to wear his favorite apron in front of others. His favorite apron has "Kiss The Best Cook" written in bold on it with little burning hearts all over it. The "Best" part was added by you. But he enjoys wearing it when it's just you around him.

>If you're one of the unfortunate souls to have been born with monthly shark week, he offers himself as your heating pad when cuddling.

>Doesn't usually initiate kisses, feeling like he's bothering or distracting you in the moment. But that gives you all the more reason to shower him in them.

>Would rather spend his dates alone with you around the palace, including cooking you something for said date. However, he also doesn't mind going out to some restaurant and would most certainly pay for it all.

>But don't even dare try pay for your own meal. Or literally anything you ever wanna try pay for with your own money. He will stop you. And he will pay for it himself.

☆ Ao Lie

>Your personal air taxi in form of a dragon.

>He gives you more cheek kisses and generally short kisses, but a lot of them.

>Can be found lazing around outside in the field a lot. Be it in human or dragon form. 

>Because of this, his suggestion for a date would also be outside, like a picnic.

>Tends to offer you his over-sized clothes. Yes, most of the things in his wardrobe are really big and comfy.

>Almost as physically clingy as Macaque, but will mostly just rub himself on you before letting go. So at least you don't have to worry about trying to pry him off you like a certain monkey. Cough.

☆ Azure

>Your personal bed... No seriously, he's so tall he just straight up becomes your bed when cuddling.

>Most awkward flirting out of them all. Like, second-hand-embarrassment levels of awkward. But he's trying.

>Sometimes accidentally licks you like an actual cat instead of kissing you, which ends up in him feeling embarrassed over it and quickly apologizing. He does let out a quiet purr when licking you though.

>Likes to carry you around, if you will let him. Usually either in his arms or on his shoulders. You can just hold onto his fluffy mane when you're on his shoulders.

>He's very attentive and will try make your day just a little better with small gestures. Such as silently pulling you close if you need comfort, but don't need as much as when every other champion can feel it.

>His standpoint on outdoor vs indoor dates are 50/50. Really depends on the time, day, weather, etc. Just make sure he actually fits wherever you wanna plan a date. His tall stature makes sitting in normal-sized seats at restaurants uncomfortable for him.

☆ Mink

>Ironically the most normal-feeling relationship.

>Like, despite being physically the least amount of normal, he feels the most like a genuine relationship with no prior biases towards you, despite you being labeled as his Master. Mainly because he absolutely avoids treating you like one and refuses to put you on a pedestal in any way that isn't necessary.

>He's very skilled at flirting. Even if some of the pick-up lines reek of cheese, he saved up quite a lot with the help of the scroll- Some being more unique than others.

>Kissing him is a bit complicated due to him literally being, well, goopy ink. Or rather mostly goopy ink mixed with the other black goop.

>He likes to wrap his ink around you and keep you at least somewhat covered in it though. It's like his personal way of showing off his claim/mark on you.

>Dates are most certainly happening in the Scroll of Memory. He knows about some great locations to spend time in there.

[ Masterlist ]

[writingsbychlo]

when you hold me | azriel

summary; azriel doesn't realise quite how touch-starved he is until he finally gets a little bit of affection, and he loves it. word count; 17,202 notes; this is in bullet form. it is insanely long. I have no excuses.

so here’s the thing, azriel's love language is touch, okay?

he’s touch-starved and a physically affectionate person, but he got so used to being cast out that he really repressed that side of himself.

even when he didn’t have to anymore, he had a reputation to uphold, by then.

he's the shadowsinger. the spy. the illyrian brute. the night court terror. silent but deadly. moody and quiet. darkness personified.

not really someone who cuddles, y’know?

now, luckily for him, cassian and rhys have different reputations, and they’re both quite physically loving too, so he doesn’t have to let his need for physical attention show.

cassian is constantly touching him, and everyone.

so he really doesn't struggle to get affection there, he can pout and roll his eyes and frown as much as he wants, but he secretly loves it, and cassian secretly knows it.

all the hair ruffling, arms around shoulders that turn into a headlock, and dramatic leaning/falling into az that cassian does? az eats that shit up. loves it.

rhysand also does a lot of touching. he isn't so much an affectionate toucher; he just does it without realising.

a lot of pats on the shoulders, hugs, gently bumping him with a hand, elbow, or hip to get past, rhysand does a lot of general touches, but az loves that too.

mor has absolutely no sense of personal space, like none whatsoever. she plays with his hair when she thinks it needs styling better, and often lays down with her head in his lap when they have deeper chats, and she dances with him on nights out. if he's ever in urgent need of a little physical affection, he finds mor, because she'll just start touching him as soon as she sees him.

with nesta and elain, he often offers to fly them around, or 'winnow' them where they need to go, because they'll always hold onto him, even just for a few seconds.

going out with feyre means she always stays close to his side. if they go shopping, she links arms with him, grabs his wrist to drag him along when she sees something she likes, and often gets herself so tired out that by the end of the day, she is practically falling asleep on him as they walk home.

he realised that if he offers to sit and pose for her paintings, she'll mess with him and rearrange him until he's sat how she wants.

he purposefully never learned how to do his own tie so someone else would do it ("my hands are too big for fiddly little knots, alright?")

he often asks cass to help him do up the seals on the back of his leathers ("hurts my shoulder trying to reach round and do up the clasps on these damn things.")

he likes teaching people to train because they rely on him for form corrections, and he likes sparring with rhys and cass because that means a lot of wrestling and pushing and he can have fun with it.

basically, azriel takes any fucking scrap of physical affection he can get, in any way.

and then you step into his life.

it's a cold evening in the middle of the winter, and azriel is pouting a little on the couch, because nobody has touched him all day.

in fact, touch has been declining a lot lately.

nesta no longer needs him to fly her around, she has cassian wrapped around her finger.

mor spends most of her time with emerie, whom azriel actually rather likes, which is worse, because he can't even hate her.

elain has been spending most of her time travelling with lucien, and never needs him anymore.

feyre and rhys spend most of their time with nyx now, which he cannot begrudge them for.

and amren was never particularly touchy, he found solace in not feeling like the only lonely one, but now she has varian, and he hates how bitter his jealousy tastes when he sees how affectionate she truly is.

and he doesn't have anyone.

everyone is chatting, and drinking, and the door opens, and in come lucien and elain.

hand in hand, noses and cheeks red from the cold, and hair a little messy from the wind outside.

behind them is you.

azriel almost feels stupid for the way his heart jumps a little when he sees you, he meets new people every day, he's not supposed to be shy he's supposed to be scary, but he can't help it.

you have the same cold-bitten and wind-ruffled look, and yet, unlike the joy on the other two's faces, you're nervous. terribly so.

his ears feel like they're ringing as he watches elain and lucien get comfortable, your hands still stuck into your pockets and your gaze flickering over the room.

your eyes meet his for a second, just a single second, and you smile, but it's so stunning it stops him from being able to reciprocate it until you've moved on, scanning everyone else before fixing your gaze back on the redhead you arrived with.

he's introducing you, an arm wrapping around your shoulders to pull you into his side, and you chuckle a little as he does.

azriel's skin prickles a little with jealousy. why is it so easy for everyone else to get affection but him? he feels pathetic for even thinking this way.

(Y/N). friend from the autumn court. best friend. the girl who taught him how to heal. sticking around for a while.

he was still processing these words when lucien pushed you forward a little with a hand on your back, your scowl as you stumble, earning a chuckle from everyone else, and a friendly knuckle to the cheek from lucien. 

azriel’s gut twists achingly once again.

you go around, you're shaking hands and saying hello, and chatting to everyone, and just before you get to him, elain draws you into a conversation with her sisters. his hand curls into a fist, and he feels like a fucking child all over again.

is he really this worked up over a handshake? a handshake he didn't even get?

phantom feelings of sharp stone under his knees and the whistle of wind between cracks in the cell walls revisit him, when he'd long for the days the healer would come when he was a child to patch up his injuries, because at least the kind old woman who'd tended to him would pat his hair and wipe his cheeks when he cried.

his shadows swirl violently once, twice, as he thinks about it, and he stands before anyone can notice, chugging what's left of his drink and moving to the kitchen to make another.

he's leaning against the counter, staring into his own reflection in the whiskey when you knock at the doorway, forcing him to look up. he settles his usual stone mask over his face, instinct by now, and he raises a brow to prompt you.

"hello. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself before. I was worried you'd leave before I could. I'm (Y/N)."

"indeed, I heard." really? that's the best he could come up with? but the kitchen has started to smell faintly like cinnamon and burnt sugar, and his nose scrunches a little at the overly sweet smell, he's not used to anything like it. it makes it hard to think, it's almost dizzying.

you pause on the other side of the island, a small smile coming to your lips, before daring to take another two steps closer, hand stretching out to him. "I'll be sticking around for a while, the high lord thinks you could all use a permanent healer, something about rough play while you're training," the words bring a touch of a smirk to his lips, and your own smile widens when it does. "and I meet the criteria, apparently."

he huffs a bit of a laugh, slipping his own hand into yours, and every buzzing in his ears goes blissfully quiet, every firing nerve settles, and the smile he'd forced becomes genuine when your hand squeezes around his. you shake once, pulling back all too quickly, and he misses the feeling of touch instantly.

"now, elain says you don't like to be touched," wait, no- “so, if you ever want to get together sometime, we can talk about what you’re comfortable with, where your boundaries lie, that sort of thing…”

your words were tapering off, and he realised perhaps he should say something, or do something, or simply react, in any way at all, but he couldn't. because it was just so gut-wrenchingly sweet of you, and he hated it. he didn’t want boundaries. fuck them. destroy them. cross them all. he didn’t care.

he didn’t say that. instead, what he said was, “uh, sure. I’m pretty busy, but I’m sure we could work something out.”

you only nodded, lingering a second longer, and the tension between you both felt like it was stretching on for ages. you were so close, so close, and azriel clenched his hands by his sides once again, trying to fight the telling frown on his face, and the urge to reach out. your hair looked so soft, he’d bet it was, bet it smelled even more sugary, a smell he was rapidly getting used to, and-

and you were walking away, a small smile on your lips, and something deep and unusual within his chest flared a little with panic, and- “wait-”

was that him? azriel really wasn’t sure, he didn’t remember even thinking about making a noise, it just happened, and then- then you turned around, smile still there, a little more genuine this time. 

you raised an eyebrow at him this time, prompting him silently the way he had you. he liked it. he smiled back, just a touch.

“I’m sorry.”

“you haven’t done anything to be sorry for, azriel.”

“I’m being rude.” you didn’t respond, and he sighed a little, shoulders relaxing fractionally from the rigid tensing that was beginning to ache a little. “I just have… a lot on my mind. my apologies, for my behaviour. I appreciate your offer.”

“well, physical healer I may be, but mental health is just as important to me. if you ever want to talk, I make a good listener. and, semi-reasonable advice giver.”

he chuckled, a soft sound that he didn’t often make, but merely the way you seemed to perk up a little at his amusement made him want to spend the rest of his life laughing. he didn’t know why.

“I’m not sure how much I can trust that advice, given you are optionally friends with lucien, who truly believes that toast tastes better when it’s a little burned.” 

“I didn’t choose him, he chose me. you share your last cookie with the sad little boy at the playground one time, and you get stuck with the seventh in line to the throne for the rest of your life.” there was a fond smile on your lips, and for just as second, azriel revelled in this moment of quiet amusement with you. 

then he remembered the same look of amusement on lucien’s face, when he’d had an arm wrapped around you, and playfully shoved you, and knocked your cheek. 

and just like that, all the warmth of your conversation was stripped away, a shocking cold like a bucket of water straight from the Sidra on Starfall night tipped over his head. it reminded him just how lonely he was.

“I’d best get going, but, if you come by training with cassian and I, tomorrow morning, I’ll show you around. I assume you’ll be staying at the house of wind?” his heart was beating erratically fast in his chest, one scarred hand smoothing over the spot as it did. he felt breathless, waiting to see whether you’d accept his offer, waiting to see whether you’d reject him. azriel couldn't remember the last time he’d been this nervous.

“I'd like that, very much.”

“until tomorrow, then.”

you murmured something in response, but his heart was beating too fast, his blood rushing too loudly in his ears to be able to make it out. he simply nodded, hoping it would suffice, and left. he must’ve drunk a lot more than he thought.

hours later, when he was laying cold in his bed, his shadows informed him of your arrival. giggling in a somewhat tipsy state, you’d arrived mere seconds before cassian and nesta had landed on the balcony, one hand gripped tightly around lucien’s as he winnowed you in, wobbling slightly in your steps. 

your friend had kissed your cheek goodbye, as had elain, even cassian had kissed your knuckles dramatically as nesta rolled her eyes and suppressed a smile of her own. 

his bed felt like laying on a slab of ice. alone. 

however, exactly one hour and twelve minutes into training, which was exactly thirty-eight minutes after azriel had officially given up on your arrival, you came. 

his shadows swirled excitedly, so much so that cassian stuttered a little in his movements as they began to block his sights unintentionally, and the sweet smell of cinnamon and burnt sugar reached his nose once again, flooding the room a moment before you walk in.

he’s distracted, which is ridiculous, he never gets distracted, and he would have chastised himself for it if the blunt side of cassian’s wooden practice sword didn’t do it for him.

azriel’s vision spotted for a second as the wood collided with the side of his skull, teeth rattling, and he hissed out a curse, glare as cold as winter night’s shot at his partner when he began to chuckle.

“something got you all wound up, brother?”

“bite me.”

“not even one whole day and you boys are already putting me to use, huh?”

there was just something about you this morning. azriel really couldn't place it, but you were wearing a smile that made something in his chest clench a little, and as though you could read his thoughts, your hand lifted, rubbing gently over your own chest, over your heart. 

“this? this is nothing to worry about, we’ve seen much, much worse.” 

you merely rolled your eyes, stepping towards them both and bringing yourself further into the room. you beckoned azriel forward, and he was moving before he even knew what he was doing.

cassian scoffed good-naturedly, turning away to practice his swings against a wooden dummy, and azriel sank down, sitting against the edge of the ring as you came to stand before him. he spread his legs a little, letting you get that little bit closer, and you took it.

he blamed his breathlessness on the intense training he’d just done, not the smell of you overwhelming him like sugary treats and starfall spices.

“really, it’s nothing to worry abou-” 

you raked your fingers softly through his damp hair, fingertips gently soothing along his scalp for bumps.

he choked, words dying in his throat on a pathetically breathy exhale that would have embarrassed him had azriel not been feeling pure ecstasy.

your other hand joined it, raking through his hair, pads of your fingers pressing and soothing along his scalp, and azriel’s world went dark. eyes closed, rolling to the back of his head and shoulders sagging a little as you examined for bumps. he almost wished cassian had hit him harder, just so you’d find something.

“is this okay?” your words were murmured, a soft breath for only him to hear, and azriel couldn't even form words;

“mhmm..”

nobody had ever touched him like this, run their fingers through his hair, and when your nails scratched lightly over his scalp before you pulled back, he barely bit back a whine, body feeling like melted butter.

you patted down his hair, he could only imagine the mess it had become, and it took more effort than most battles did for azriel to compose himself. to close the place where his bottom lip had parted from his top to near-pant, to open his eyes and hold them more than a sleepy half-lid, to straighten his shoulders and find some strength in his spine to sit properly. and most of all, to not reach out and beg you to do it again.

the sound of cassian’s grunt as he trained snapped him back into an awkwardly rigid position, jaw tensing a little. 

“no bumps or breaks, you’re good to go, shadowsinger.” 

“told you so.”

your eyes rolled again, in that gentle and fond way, and he hoped he would see it more. he liked making your eyes roll.

“next time, you need to defend your blind spots better.”

“are you giving me fighting advice?” once again, the smile he gave you was real. two within one day, you were making him break his mask at record speeds. it was concerning, if anything. that was what he chose to call it, anyway. 

“you think I don’t know how to fight?”

“I know you don’t know how to fight. I can tell.”

“you can tell? how?”

“you have no grip strength, when you shook my hand last night, no way you could pick up a sword, it would drop right out of your hands. you tripped over your feet on the way over here, and you have zero awareness of your own blindspots.”

you gaped at him, and he couldn't help himself. he lifted a hand, pointer knuckle tucking under your chin to close your dropped jaw, and you huffed at him. his knuckle dragged along your skin for a split second, before dropping away, and he made a fist on his thigh, restricting any more movement. he was being far too needy and indulgent of his desire to touch, lately.

“maybe I didn’t want to hurt you by gripping your hand with my superior grip strength.”

“uh-huh.” 

“and maybe I’m just clumsy.”

“I’m not disputing that.”

“and how would you know anything about my blindspots?”

he shrugged, smirking a little at the tendrils of black curling over your shoulders, one of them wrapping neatly around the ends of your hair, pulling them silently off of your shoulders, into a ponytail you had no idea was being formed until the darkness tugged lightly. 

you gasped, the shadows skittering away like they were snickering at your shock, and azriel actually bit at the inside of his own cheek to contain his grin.

what was wrong with him lately? maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing there would be a healer around so much, perhaps he needed a check-up.

“alright, fine,” you had a look in your eye, one that he had absolutely no idea what it meant, and for the first time in his life, that confusion seemed to thrill him instead of terrifying him. “then teach me how to fight.”

“why on earth would you want to learn how to fight?”

“well, if I’m going to be out and about playing in the thick of it with you boys when you get yourselves all scratched up, it would probably be useful to know at least a little about defending myself.”

azriel hadn't thought about that. about all the danger he got himself into, about all the danger you’d be getting into. something cold settled in his chest, tight and gripping, making every breath feel a little rough. 

he choked that down, too.

“what would I get out of that deal?”

“I’ll heal up all these little injuries, the bothersome ones you always brush off.” he raised a brow, breath pausing in his throat as you reached for him, soft fingers wrapping around his wrist, bringing his clenched hand up. he’d been trying so hard not to touch you, but here you were, touching him.

unwrapping each finger carefully, you smoothed them out, his palm flexing and twitching a little at the featherlight touch you brushed over the scarred flesh.

“like this one, a little paper cut, on the tip of your finger.”

brushing your thumb over the pad lightly, he watched in awe as the tiniest fleck of glowing golden light shone from it for only a second, before the injury he’d made only this morning was gone.

it didn’t bother him, those kinds of wounds may as well not exist at all, that kind of pain was one he was so used to it was a sensation like breathing or walking at this point, but it didn’t matter. he’d take a thousand paper cuts of you’d hold him that softly and fix them that tenderly again and again.

you were offering him a deal, a lot of touches and attention, and he tried not to scream his agreement, and show his enthusiasm too much.

“how’d you know that was there?” he pulled his hand back, your own hovering for a second where you’d held his much larger one, before dropping to your side.

“I sensed it, when I touched you, looking for your head bump, I picked that up instead, it’s the only injury you’ve got. physical, anyway.”

a tense moment of silence followed your words at the implications of your final sentence. 

“you’ve got a deal. tomorrow morning we begin. but first, I believe I promised you a tour.”

he stood, putting a reasonable amount of distance between you both. he needed to remember who he was, he needed to remember who he was supposed to be. he couldn't afford to let his own weakness and desire pull at him anymore.

you took the hint, not getting nearly as close to him as you followed him around. 

azriel was equal parts relieved and disappointed by it.

for months, the need got worse and worse, the tugging in his chest, the empty loneliness, the phantom feelings of touches he didn’t have.

he expected his urges to touch to go down, blamed it on the cold and the winter, blamed it on all the changes taking place, blamed it on recovering from the war. azriel blamed it on everything he possibly could, hoping it would go away.

every time you trained with him and cassian in the mornings, every book exchange in the library, every weekly checkup that you’d forced them to start doing, it all tortured him, because he was now fixating on every little thing.

except, it didn’t go away. it stuck.

azriel found himself longing more and more for the touches that seemed to be getting less and less frequent. or, perhaps they weren’t, and he was simply needing them more, and he was noticing the lack of them. 

he had no idea why your arrival had sent him spiralling downhill, but he was struggling to patch up every crack that was beginning to break in his façade.

even his shadows were struggling, reaching out toward you in every room, searching all corners of it when you weren’t there.

everything just became easier when he started avoiding you entirely.

he skipped a couple of training sessions, an excuse about needing to catch up on work, and you didn’t question it.

he took meals in his bedroom, or after he was sure you’d already eaten, just to avoid you at the table.

he hid every cut and wound, and for the first couple of weeks, you berated him playfully, joking that he should have come and found you to fix them. it took everything he had not to smile, to respond, to prolong these sessions where your fingers were skim gently over his skin, shimmering gold sealing up small cuts and all the bruises, fixing every ache.

after a while, you just stopped. every near-silent check-up or barely-friendly greeting when you saw one another making something cold fill his chest.

but at least that sharp coldness within him was better than feeling completely empty.

it had been almost a full year when your first chance to truly go away with them arose. the air was cold enough that your breath clouded in the sky, snow was sticking to the ground, and there was a permanent layer of ice settled over the top of the Sidra.

it should have been easy, and yet everything that could have gone wrong, did.

the meagre forces of you, himself, cassian and nesta hadn't been nearly enough. 

you were terrified, azriel was in and out of consciousness, being half-dragged along through the snowstorm by cassian, who winced every time he put their joint weight on his right foot, and nesta was clutching at her side. 

there was blood clotted into your hair from a cut along your forehead, a bruise blossoming on your ribs and you were sure an arrow had caught you across your thigh, but it was so cold, you could barely feel any part of your body anymore.

flying out wasn’t an option, your only teammate who could winnow had been out-cold for nearly an hour, and the inn had been a blessed relief when it had finally come into view.

the patron hadn't even flinched when the four of you had stumbled up to the counter and demanded three rooms, blood dripping onto the floor between you all, snow and mud trekked up the stairs with keys clutched in hand.

“cass, start a fire, nesta, go get as many bowls of snow as you can.”

they did as told, and you began to peel back the layers of protective leather and armour azriel wore, laying haphazardly on the bed where cassian had left him as they scurried. 

blood was smeared across skin that had gone pale, and bile rose in the back of your throat as you took in the wounds before you. they were like nothing you’d ever seen. 

stripping off the top layer of his leathers, they made a sickeningly wet sound as they hit the wooden floorboards, blood spilling out around your feet in a puddle, soaking into the bedsheets that would never be truly clean again.

cassian hissed as he returned.

nesta’s hands shook as she began placing bowls of snow into the fire to heat.

neither could stomach staying as you began to stitch up the wounds.

over six hours later, azriel was healed and you’d seen to nesta’s cracked ribs, your attention moving to the final warrior who needed help, and ignoring the painful drag of every footstep you took to follow him.

cassian was laying a patched-up azriel onto the bed in the spare room, jaw clenched so tight you thought his teeth would crack.

“let me look at your ankle, cass.”

you sunk down onto the edge of the bed patting the space next to you once his arms were free of his friend, and he shook his head.

“it’s fine, nothing to worry about.”

“let me look.”

“no.”

“cassian, let me look at your ankle, gods dammit!”

silence filled the room around you both, and for a second you worried your yell would wake nesta, sleeping only on the other side of the wall.

he set himself down, lifting his leg up, and placing his ankle into your lap.

swollen shades of yellow and purple and blue, his ankle had swollen up so wide it was almost the thickness of the rest of his leg, and when you pressed it, his entire body trembled.

“s’gonna hurt a little bit, but only for a second.”

“what about you?”

“what about me?” you mumbled, fingers smoothing over his skin, a soft glow emitting from your hands as you worked.

cassian groaned, eyes squeezing shut as you began to repair the damage.

“I can tell you’re spent. I came to check on you, when you were healing az. you didn’t look so good. does rhysand know what healing does to you? does lucien? does anyone?”

your motions paused, only for a split second, before you were soothing over his skin, hands tightening around him as the swelling began to go down.

“they know. it’s just, I’ve never had to heal something this big before, he was practically dead. but, I’m fine. really. keeping him alive long enough to get here took a lot out of me, but it’s over now.”

‘fine’ was the best you could do. ‘fine’ was a grievous exaggeration, but cassian didn’t need to know that. 

your head was pounding so hard you saw spots, your hands were shaking so violently that when they were no longer on cassian’s leg, you sat on them to hide the tremor. you’d sat down to heal cassian’s ankle because you’d nearly collapsed trying to follow him in here, legs giving way underneath you.

“you’re all done.”

he stood, testing his weight on his foot, letting out the same huff of amusement he always did when you healed him up so fast, no matter how many times you’d done it.

“where are you going to sleep? not in the other room, I suspect.”

your nose wrinkled up, the metallic smell of azriel’s blood was still so heavy you were surprised it wasn’t leaking through the walls, the fire in that room still burning from the ruined sheets you’d tossed in to dispose of.

something, something had lurched while you’d been tending to him as cassian and nesta fussed, and the idea of going back into a room where you’d fought just to keep him alive made your head spin.

“I’m going to stay here and keep an eye on azriel. if he makes it through the night, he’ll be fine.”

the truth was, you were nowhere near done. just because you’d stabilised azriel didn’t mean your job was over. it just took a little pressure off the clock. his skin was still too clammy, a fever fighting high, his heart rate was too weak and his skin still too pale. he was a long, long way from mended.

cassian looked dubious, sleep was crawling at the edge of his consciousness, you could tell from the way he swayed on where he stood, shoulders hunched and eyes drooping. 

“besides, we’re safer in pairs. go and be with nesta, I’ll be here, we’ll meet up in the morning.”

he finally gave in, the mention of his mate making his head snap to look at the wall she lay on the other side of, like she’d tugged subconsciously to convince him to do as told. you wouldn't be surprised if she had.

the door closed behind him, and you were left in a cold, dark room, with only azriel’s rattling, wet breaths to let you know you weren’t alone.

you used what little strength you had left to make a fire, tugging the sheets out from underneath azriel and hanging them before the hearth to warm, before sealing them around his body. 

you stripped off what you could of your own bloody leathers, washing both sets with cold water in the empty dishes of snow you had left, before hanging those, too, up to warm and dry. 

settling in beside him, pain like you’d never known flared throughout your entire body as you called on your gift once again.

settling a hand on an unconscious azriel’s shoulder, your eyes closed, beginning to search through for every internal wound, stitching nerves and muscles back together one by one. 

you were sweating, but freezing cold, throat raw and eyes stinging but no tears left to give as you gasped for breath. 

you kept the fire going, his fever broke, and at some point during the night, azriel began to regain his strength.

he never woke, but you weren't aware you had dozed off yourself beside him until you were startled back awake.

he had rolled over, shuffled weakly across the bed until one arm had slung its way over your waist, cheek pressing into your shoulder, the cool tip of his nose was pressed into your neck. 

he was still cold, no matter how many times you restocked the fire to keep it going, searching out for your body heat without realising it. 

you lay still for a while, to see if he would wake, but he didn’t.

instead, you fastened an arm around his shoulders, the other threading lightly into sweat-soaked hair, still damp from where you’d tried to clean him up, soothing him lightly. 

you used what strength you had left to make sure he stayed in a deep sleep, pain-free and unaware.

nesta was the one who woke you in the morning, looking a lot better than she had when going to sleep the night before, and you panicked a little as you stretched out to find yourself alone.

“good sleep, huh? I’ve been trying to wake you for five whole minutes.”

“where’s azriel? cassian?”

her eyes rolled, but you��d learned her tells, knowing all of it was in love, not hate. “they’re downstairs, paying extra for the ruined sheets and the rooms. storm cleared, we’re ready to go home, so get up and get dressed.”

you shifted, arms barely able to pull yourself up, and nesta’s eyes narrowed a little as you lay back down.

“can’t I have five more minutes? I was having a  good dream.”

“you can sleep in your own bed when we get out of this godawful inn and back to velaris.”

“fine, I suppose you’re right. I’ll meet you downstairs in five minutes.”

she left, and five minutes was more like fifteen as you struggled to even stand up, never mind get dressed, and finally, make your way downstairs to meet them at the entry of the inn.

“‘bout time, I’m waiting on you to get home for a good meal.” 

“my apologies, queen nesta.” she grinned, and your gaze moved to the other two. cassian was studying you, gaze flicking to your hairline, and you lifted your fingers to touch the sensitive skin there, still raw, the cut you had forgone to patch up even last night. your sharp glare kept him silent about it.

“the flight shouldn’t take long, and the skies are nice and clear now. we’ll be back in time for lunch.” to emphasise his point, cassian’s stomach rumbled, loudly.

he took off first, shooting up into the sky with nesta and leaving you standing in tense silence with azriel.

“az, how are you feeling?”

“fine.” he almost growled the word out, and your brows furrowed.

he hated doing this to you, the look of hurt that had flickered across your face, but he had to. pushing people away, keeping them out, he was good at that, he was used to it, and it made everything easier. 

letting you in, it was far too painful, you would see every raw and damaged and broken part of him, and he wasn’t ready to face that.

when he’d woken up wrapped in your arms that morning, for a shocking second, azriel had felt at peace. for the very first time in his life, he had felt utterly content. like he didn’t regret anything, like he didn’t want anything to change, like he didn’t want a distraction. 

and it had terrified him so much that he thought he might be sick.

“you’re a sleep cuddler.” apparently so. you were trying so hard to lighten the mood, and he wanted nothing more than to sink into that, but he couldn't. he choked back the lump in his throat, gaze flickering to the sky for a second, avoiding your gaze.

“I trust that won’t happen again.”

you went unnaturally still, gaze turning sharp on him as you stared, and he still couldn't bring himself to meet your eye.

“that’s all you have to say? that’s it? I heal you up, I take care of you, an-”

“that is your job, is it not?”

the laugh you gave him was cold and harsh. it made him feel like his chest was closing up, freezing over from the inside out.

“right. yes. my job. well, we should get going, I’m rather tired.”

he’d pushed it too far, too far too far too far, his shadows were almost biting at him as they whipped around his body, chastising him for his behaviour, his tone, his every decision.

“(Y/N)-”

“message received, azriel, loud and clear. I want to go home now, please.”

look up look up look up, meet his eye now, he was ready, he wanted you to. you wouldn't. you stepped closer, allowing him to pick you up, before soaring into the sky.

it was one of the worst flights of his life, and tense few hours, the silence azriel normally revelled in felt like it was suffocating him. he could feel the warmth of your magic, even now, swirling around you both to block out the chill until you were landing on the balcony, only moments behind cassian and nesta.

the rest were lined up, waiting for your return, welcoming you back with hugs and shoulder pats, and a table full of food waiting.

hurt.

azriel felt it as his shadows reappeared, catching up to him as he tucked his wings into his back, letting you down slowly.

hurt.

who? his gaze flickered over everyone that was lined up, scanning his friends for injuries.

hurt. hurt. hurt.

you stumbled, knees buckling, and had you not been standing so close to him when you did, you’d have hit the floor before azriel had caught you.

his shadows swarmed around you, until you were barely visible to the rest, and you sank slowly to the ground, letting azriel help you.

hurthurthurthurth-

his shadows recoiled as the heir of day stepped forward, dropping harshly to his knees to cup your face. your skin had paled, your eyes fluttering more closed than open, and your lips were parted with shallow breaths.

“what happened?”

“m’jus’ a little tired, that’s all.”

lucien smoothed a hand over your hair, letting you slump forward until your face was pressed against his shoulder, one hand clutching weakly at his shirt.

“you’re freezing, and you’re so shaky, why can’t you-” he paused, the hand petting your hair moving to rest over your forehead as he searched for something. “you burned out.”

“I’m fine. I just need some sleep.”

“you’re not just-”

“lucien, please.”

he stared, waiting a second, before the air around you both folded, and the space at azriel’s feet was empty. his shadows exploded, a representation of his own panic, before feeding back to him a second later that lucien had laid you in your bed.

“what was that?”

“she did too much,” cassian mumbled, hands wringing in front of himself, and rhysand rubbed his brow.

“how bad was it?”

“bad.”

“what. happened?”

he was ignored as cassian shrugged at their high lord, unsure where to start.

“we got caught off-guard, more of them than we could possibly handle. ness got hit first, az covered her, but it was too much. he- it was bad. I’ve seen soldiers die from a lot less. he would have died. but she held him together. I don’t know how, she just did. enough to make it to an inn, she fixed us up. stayed up with az the whole time, I could hear her moving around all night. I knew she was drained but I didn’t know it was this bad, if I did, I would have.. I would have.. done something. I wouldn't have let her help me too, I would have-”

cassian cleared his throat, walking away with a nod and a promise to debrief rhysand later. nesta followed.

“you knew this would happen? you knew she could burn out, that it would be this bad? you knew, and-”

“I knew, because she told me. she acknowledged the risks, she made the decision. she chose to look after you, she chose her own actions. she looks after us, and now we will look after her.”

his tone was final, and azriel’s jaw clenched so hard it hurt.

they left, one by one, they all left him on the balcony alone, to tend to the rest of their duties.

you’d pushed yourself to the brink for him, through agony and worse, and he couldn't even bring himself to crack open a little of the box inside his mind he worked so hard to keep sealed shut.

that was the moment azriel decided it was going to have or change.

you didn’t wake for two days. two full days azriel spent swimming in guilt and sadness, a feeling he couldn't place filling his every thought, making it hard to eat, or sleep, or even think.

he felt.. nothing. absolutely nothing.

two days, and on the evening of the third day, while everyone was sitting at the dinner table chatting, and azriel was emptily pushing perfectly good chicken and vegetables around his plate, you emerged.

“hello.” 

azriel felt like his heart started back up in his chest.

“can you spare a plate? I’m fucking starving.”

lucien laughed, his head dropping for a second as elain grinned, patting the seat next to her that had been empty for days, the one opposite him, that had been taunting him. 

slipping into it, cassian was quick to pile you up a plate, with more food than you could possibly eat, passing it along down the lines as you sunk into the chair next to him. 

accepting the food, you settled back into everything like nothing had been wrong, like you hadn't scared azriel half to death, like you hadn't left him feeling adrift, untethered, lost, and he needed to talk to you, needed to make it right-

his stomach rumbled, clenching almost painfully. finally, he thought. he was fucking starving.

he would talk to you after he’d eaten.

the first chance to approach you came when you were sitting out on the balcony, still a little pale, still a little shaky, with a thick blanket wrapped around your shoulders as you stared up at the sky.

he sat down next to you, silently, trying to find as much comfort in the stars as you had, but his thoughts were spinning too fast. in the darkness, he let his shadows free a little, let them crawl underneath your chair, over the back, around your feet where you couldn't see. 

“the skies never look quite like this in autumn. I like it here.” your words were steady and calm, nothing like his heart, and azriel twisted his head to look at you. you were not looking at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“you have nothing to be sorry for, azriel."

he felt like he was living everything over again, you were strangers once again, and that thought made every other one freeze inside of his head, a spotlight focus on that.

“please, don’t shut me out.”

you looked at him now, studying him like a journal, brows furrowing a little. 

“I never shut you out, azriel. you are the one who shut me out. you made it very clear that you didn’t want my touch, nor my friendship, nor even my company. it’s okay, I don’t expect everyone to always want my companionship, but next time, at least a ‘thank you’ for saving your life would be nice.”

“thank you.” the words tumbled from him like water spilling from the sky when a storm broke. “thank you, for all of it. for staying up to make sure I made it through the night, and for.. for caring.”

you help his gaze, nodding once. “you’re welcome.”

you looked back to the sky, ignorant to the shadows crawling higher and higher up, languidly, begging him to let them curl around you, still fearing for your wellbeing.

“I like to be touched,”

he spoke the words without breathing, without looking at you, still staring at the stars, even as he felt your attention move to him. it felt like a weight being lifted off of his chest, but it was terrifying, a confession spoken now that he could never take back.

“I like to be touched. I love being touched, but it’s not who I am. I am not supposed to be.. soft. I’m supposed to be strong, and powerful, and it terrifies me that I can be so- that I need it. I love being touched, but I can’t ask. They can’t know. I can never tell them.”

you didn’t ask who they were, and you didn’t ask why. somehow, he knew that you just understood.

“you scare me. you scare me more than anything, because for all of my life I’ve been just fine, centuries suppressing this need and managing it all, and then one year ago you come along, and everything changed, and I don’t know why.” the more he spoke, the lighter he felt, some deep and suffocating binding was finally loosening within him.

“perhaps 500 years of pretending not to need attention, not to need love, has finally started to take its toll.”

you were right, he knew you were, but it was still a hard truth to swallow.

“you know, we all have our love languages.”

“our what?”

“love languages.” there was a soft smile on your face when he finally braved looking at you, and it made him feel secure, like his confessions were in safe hands, like for once, he didn’t have to carry every burden on his own. “there’s five.”

“five?”

“yes.” you twisted a little more toward him. “rhys and feyre, they’re the same. they just want to provide for the people they love. perhaps it’s why it’s so easy for them to love one another. both of their love languages are similar. rhys’.. his is gift giving. he shows you all his love through what he can give you, buy you. he houses you all, spoils you constantly, makes sure you are always provided for. he does it sneakily, like buying cassian’s favourite cookies or making sure there are always fresh flowers for elain.”

“what about feyre?”

“hers is acts of service. she spent years providing for her family, she went through hell for tamlin, and then through war for rhys. she was willing to give everything for them all, she continues to do so. elain, hers is quality time. when lucien began inviting her to the spring court, they used to do nothing but sit or walk in silence for hours in the gardens. or in the living room, when he’d read while she learned to knit.”

“what about nesta? she doesn’t fit any of those boxes.”

“no, she doesn’t.” whether you’d noticed them or not, you didn’t say, but azriel’s shadows were beginning to crawl up and over you, weaving around you in lazy swirls as you whispered quietly between yourselves, to the background noise of your friends in the house. “nesta’s love language is words of affirmation.”

he didn’t need to question it, that made perfect sense. 

“yours is touch. everyone has a love language, azriel, and it’s not something to be ashamed of. it’s simply who you are.”

somehow, you made him feel alright with something he’d spent 500 years hating about himself.

“what is yours?”

“technically, I don’t actually need to touch anyone, to heal them. I just have to be close enough to feel their energies.” he processed the words, heart skipping a beat a little at the meaning. you were the same as him. “just think about it all.”

you stood, taking the blanket from your shoulders and leaving it folded over the back of the chair you were leaving behind. 

as you walked past, you paused, placing a hand on his shoulder, and shadows rose, wrapping like bracelets around your wrist as you squeezed lightly. “if you can’t tell them yet, that's okay. but if you ever need someone, you can come and find me. you’re hurting, az, and it’s my job to keep you all in one piece. if holding you when you need it is something you want, then you know where to find me.”

he couldn't speak, only nod, because he wasn’t sure he could get any words out around the lump in his throat.

you left, leaving his head somehow both spinning and utterly empty. 

he waited, mulling over your words, whispering them to himself in the dark, until it became too cold to be comfortable, anymore. 

almost everyone had retired, only cassian, mor and amren still awake, drinking quietly in front of the fire, but he didn’t feel like joining them.

no, he knew where he truly wanted to be.

the clock read over two hours since you’d left him, you’d surely be asleep by now, and azriel tried to pretend like it wasn’t disappointment filling him. stop being needy.

he was making his way to his own bedroom, taking the long route, when he passed your door. light was still spilling out from underneath it, golden glow from the crack between it and the floor, and azriel felt like his feet were rooted to the ground. 

he could feel his heartbeat, right down to his fingers, and he clenched them into a fist to stop it. 

he knocked. he knocked, he didn’t know what possessed him to do so, and maybe it wasn’t too late to just leave, but then there you were;

standing before him, pretty nightgown and a cardigan, hair a little ruffed from the loose way you’d fastened it back, and you didn’t look at all surprised to see him.

“az. would you like to come in?”

“more than anything, actually.” he breathed the words weakly, no longer having any embarrassment left to give, and he stepped over the threshold, letting you close the door.

your fire was lit, logs crackling quietly, but he couldn't smell them, instead, he could smell the candle you had, winter spices and berries, a sweet combination, but not as sweet as your smell. your sheets were tossed askew, clearly having been used, and a book lay on the bed, page marked.

“can I..?”

you raised a brow, but he didn’t know exactly how to word what he wanted, he wanted so much, he didn’t know where to start.

“do you want to lay with me while I read?”

“you mean, like we did that night?”

“if you want.”

he felt young again, no strain and stress on his shoulders, just bashful and a little shy, watching as you walked back to your bed, getting comfy once again. you patted the sheets, prompting him to move, and he did.

slowly, so slowly, azriel removed one boot at a time, placing them neatly in a pair at the end of your bed. then his belt, and his jacket, undoing every clasp and buckle slowly, until he was merely left in the comfortable trousers he’d worn to dinner, and his t-shirt.

one knee on the edge of the bed, and then the other, nervous but pushing on as azriel all but catapulted himself over a line he’d never considered crossing before. you lifted the blanket, welcoming him under, and he lay himself down slowly.

shuffling a little closer, he hesitated, close enough to feel every bit of warmth you gave off, but not touching a single part of you.

“I-.. I’m scared.”

“you don’t ever have to be scared with me, azriel. my job is to heal you, let me do that.” you spread your arms for him, and he gave in, the last shred of resistance obliterated. 

he collapsed down by your side, cheek pressing into your shoulder, nose brushing that spot, that spot on your neck that smelt so damn sweet, every bit of you. his front was pressed up along your side, the arm curled around his shoulder, fingers threading into his hair, and he didn’t realise how much he needed it until the sigh he let out shook.

and then his shoulders did.

his chest.

he didn’t realise he was crying until three or four breaths in.

he felt frozen, body locked up as he sobbed, unable to help himself, your fingers weaving through his hair, giving him privacy even as he lay atop you, reading quietly and flicking each page every so often. 

he cried until it felt like that well of emotion inside of him that he spent so long locking up no longer felt like it was about to overflow. it was manageable, truly kept in place, for once.

he dared to reach out, to hold you back like you held him, one arm over your waist, anchoring you down, making sure you were real, you weren’t going to leave. 

and you let him.

every breath he took tasted sweet on his tongue, like roasted marshmallows, and the last thing azriel truly remembered before everything went black was the feeling of your other arm reaching over, hand placed atop his scarred one on your stomach, squeezing lightly.

when azriel woke, he panicked. this wasn’t his bed, his room, and there was someone here, someone holding him, someone-

it all came back. he shifted, pulling his face from where it still lay on your shoulder, one limp hand woven into his hair, falling away when he looked up to you, still asleep. your breaths were even. as he pulled back some more, you shifted, following his warmth the way he had subconsciously done to you. it sparked something in his chest, heart pinching a little.

there was no way he could move now.

he lay back down, rolling onto his side, and pulling you softly back toward him. you went, sleepily, curling up against him. dawn had broken, he was supposed to be training, cassian would be there already, and yet not a single part of him was willing to move, not even his shadows, which were spilling like lazy waterfalls over the bedsheets surrounding you both, hardly any movement at all.

it was like nothing he’d ever felt before. euphoria.

when you woke, it was with a little jump, like you were caught off-guard as much as he was. 

you stretched somewhat, and azriel slackened the arm he’d been using to hold you close, but you didn’t pull away.

instead, you rolled over a little more onto your back, but shuffled close to him, using his arm like a pillow as you blinked to adjust to the morning sun.

“you stayed.”

“is that okay?”

“it was lovely. I haven’t slept that well in ages.”

“I haven’t slept that well ever.”

azriel had hoped that by the morning, he’d have found some control over his filter again when he was around you. it would seem that hope was ill-founded.

you gasped, mockingly placing a hand over your heart, a teasing look in your eyes as you looked at him. “I am truly honoured. like a dreamcatcher, obviously, I’m just the very best cuddl-”

he rolled his eyes, and didn’t bother to hide the smile on his face. he’d exposed one of his deepest secrets to you, everything else felt so small now in comparison. he cut you off by squeezing you tightly, rolling his arm up behind your head and clamping a hand over your mouth.

eventually, the two of you had gotten up, and he’d parted ways with you at the bedroom door to change his clothes before meeting everyone for breakfast.

but, like a bucket of cold water, the high he’d been floating on came crashing down when he walked into the dining room. 

you were already sitting at the table, buttering a piece of toast as mor piled more onto your plate, insistent on getting three days worth of missed food into you as he sat down. 

“where exactly were you this morning, brother? you missed training entirely. the girls teamed up on me, do you know how unfair that was? three against one, azriel!”

he froze a little, halfway into his seat, eyes flicking to the warlords, before he sat properly.

“I was sleeping.”

“sleeping?”

“yes. you know, that thing where you close your eyes, and go unconscious for extended periods of time in order to-”

“shut up, you know what I meant.” he remained staring, like he was trying to work azriel out, and you chuckled at them both.

“cass, your mother hen is showing.” the man scoffed, turning his scrutiny to you instead, and azriel loosed a breath with appreciation. he wasn’t ready yet, to tell everyone else what he’d managed to tell you. he may never be ready, but he already felt lighter having let just one person in.

something bumped his ankle, and dropping his gaze down to below the table, he caught your foot reaching out, slippered toes kicking lightly at his ankle. he shifted forward in his seat, tucking himself underneath properly, and your fluffy foot wrapped around his ankle lightly.

his head spun. 

right here, in his everyday life, someone was touching azriel just for the sake of touching him. 

he wasn’t ready to tell anyone else yet, and you were accommodating him.

he didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this, and one day, he was sure it would all come crashing down, but at least for now, he decided he would just enjoy it.

and so, it continued just like that.

you would touch az any chance you got, subtle, enough to go undetected, but enough that everything inside of azriel was practically singing with joy, all times of the day. 

you’d place a hand on his shoulder when you stood beside him while he sat down, you’d link your foot with his when you sat at the table, you’d move him with your hands, this way or that way. you’d grab onto him, drag him around when he was late for his checkups because he got caught up in work. you’d poke him, and jab him when he teased you, and you’d pinch his cheeks until he swatted you away when you teased him back.

and most of all, you let him keep up his façade, rolling his eyes and huffing and pushing you away lightly, without ever pulling back from him.

more and more nights as it went on, he ended up in your bed at night, reading beside you quietly as his leg lay pressed up to yours, or your head slumped onto his shoulder when you got tired before he did.

it was months before azriel had the nerve to touch you in front of everyone without reason. 

he was frustrated. he was angry and worn out, and he’d been gone for days when he finally saw his family again. five days of poor sleep, lonely days, and exhausting work trying to gather information.

he wanted to be held, he wanted nothing more than to collapse back into the lifestyle he’d become so used to already, in such a short amount of time.

you were there, sitting on one of the couches, spread out along it as everyone chatted, wine passed around. the volume hit zero as he hovered in the doorway for just a second. 

“az, you’re back! how was it?”

“shit.”

“did you get it done?”

“of course.”

“good. join us. do you want a drink?”

he swallowed, throat dry, only nodding instead. but, that wasn’t really what he wanted. he was frozen in spot, and everyone was staring at him now. silence. but he was staring at you.

you sat up a little further, blissed-out look passing from your face, your back straightened. your eyes passed over him, once, twice, before meeting his gaze again. 

“az, are you hurt?”

it felt like he had to force the word out, heart pounding in his ears as he considered every consequence of what he was about to do, every truth he was about to lay bare. he could pretend, he could say he was hurt, he knew you’d fake it for him. or, he could finally face the thing that terrified him.

he didn’t care, not anymore.

“no.”

at long last, his feet were moving again, and he strode across the room. kicking his boots off roughly and leaving them abandoned on the floor by the couch, next to wear your heels lay. you must have been out for drinks with mor and the others, everyone seeming a little dressed up.

he stripped off the leather jacket next, dropping it down onto the floor. 

he sank, ass hitting the cushions, twisting, until he could lay down, the back of his head landing softly on your thighs. 

he closed his eyes, he didn’t want to see everyone's faces, he just wanted to feel you.

rhys cleared his throat, breaking the tension that had lasted well over ten-seconds already.

“well, then. wine or whiskey, az?”

“whiskey, three fingers.”

“you got it.”

you threaded your fingers into his hair, and az let loose the rumble from his chest that he always had when you played with his hair, nails scraping lightly at his scalp.

you shifted underneath him, stretching one leg out along the couch behind him, shifting so his head lay on your stomach instead, resting between your legs comfily. 

“so, it all went according to plan?” feyre was next, an overly high lilt to her voice, as rhys tinkered at the drinks cabinet in the corner.

“no, no, no, hang on. we’re all just going to avoid t- ow, nes!” a resounding thud cut him off, and azriel smirked as he heard cassian rubbing at what he assumed was the back of his head.

“everything went fine, just glad to be back. that’s all.”

“yeah, bet you are.” cassian grumbled, and your stomach shook under azriel’s head as you laughed.

rhys pat his shoulder, and he finally cracked his eyes back open, accepted the drink that was being offered. he took it, nodding a ‘thank you’, and his high lord’s eyes sparkled a little as he looked at the pair of you.

sitting up, he tried to fight the warmth coming to his cheeks, the one reaction he couldn't contain no matter how hard he tried, and he covered it by taking a long swig of the burnt amber liquid inside.

“we were just talking about cassian’s most embarrassing encounter at rita’s.”

“what?! no, we were not!”

“no, no, I distinctly remember that's the conversation we were having.” rhysand backed you up, winking at the change in topic of conversation, and feyre nodded her support. “wasn’t it around the 300 years mark, just after the summer solstice..” 

cassian’s face blanched, nesta perked up, as did elain and feyre, and both mor and rhys chuckled into their drinks.

his brother was now forced to retell this story for you four, and azriel felt a single claw tap three neat times at the inside of his mind. after a moment of hesitation, he let rhys in. let him see it. let him feel it, the way you made him feel.

his other brother only nodded, pulling back, smiling as he wrapped an arm around his mate, pulling her into his side to focus on the story.

for the first time ever, as azriel watched it and wished he had that too, he could act. he reached for you, wrapping an arm around you and tugging you closer to his chest. you went willingly, leaning your head on his shoulder as you giggled, thoroughly invested in cassian’s story. 

he ran his nose over the crown of your head, smiling into your hair when you relaxed even further into him. 

he’d never felt so settled.

that night, when you lay in bed, and he let himself into your room, the energy felt different.

he collapsed down beside you, flopping onto his stomach, pulling a pillow under his head and reaching an arm out across your waist as you chuckled. 

“big step you took tonight.”

“I was sick of everyone else getting what they wanted, and never taking what I want.”

“I’m proud of you.”

his eyes snapped open, finding you instantly, and he stared at you for a second, eyes narrowing, and you never flinched away.

“what?”

“I'm proud of you. you faced a fear you’ve held for, what, almost five centuries? you should be proud of yourself, too.”

he only nodded, discarding the pillow and moving over to you, no longer feeling even an inkling of nerves as he collapsed down onto your pillow with you, noses mere centimetres apart, legs tangling together as he searched for your touch, as he always did nowadays.

you lifted a hand, placing it on his face, thumb smoothing over his cheekbone delicately. “you deserve good things, az. let yourself ask for them, let yourself take them.”

he was rendered completely breathless, heart racing so fast it felt like it stopped, and all he could do was smile. 

in that moment, when you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose, giggling as you pulled back to blow out the final candle lighting the room, he felt his heart actually stop. 

in that moment, azriel knew he was completely, totally and undeniably fucked. 

after that night, a line had been crossed.

he crossed it, he made the first move, edging forward into something entirely unknown. azriel was used to suppressing his feelings, he never confronted them. and yet, not, he was not only acknowledging them, he was acting on them, using them.

he woke up before you the following morning, as he always did, content to lie in once again, ignoring his training with cassian once again. cass was surely going to get sick of this, but he didn’t care.

you, however, had different plans. you woke moments after him, jerking awake with a sudden jump, one hand coming up to your head. 

you merely groaned, leaving his arms to sit up straight in bed, covers pooling around your lap and his.

“what’s wrong, angel?”

“I realised I’m late for- what?” a pink tinge touched your cheeks, and you turned, glancing at him over your shoulder. lips parted in a pretty way, eyes wide and vulnerable, and he lifted one arm, propping it behind his head and grinning like it hadn't been intentional. 

“I said, ‘what’s wrong, angel’?”

the colour on your cheeks deepened, and you swallowed, several times, before licking over your lower lip and dropping your gaze.

“cassian. uh, well, training. uhm, training, with cassian. I’m late. for it. for training with cassian.”

his smile stretched as you stumbled over your words when his gaze fixed on you, trailing slowly over you in the morning light.

azriel really was grateful for the blocks you were removing from his mind, every wall you took down allowed him to realise something new, and the wall you’d removed last night allowed him to truly witness just how beautiful you were. and just how affected he was by it.

you were breathtaking, messy hair and wide eyes, shrouded by the golden light of the morning, and wreathed in twisting shadows as they wrapped around you, weaving through your hair, tickling your cheeks, teasing you. 

he couldn't even begin to have imagined such a sight. ethereal. 

“well, then, you’d better get going.” he showed no signs of moving, pulling your covers back up his body somewhat, and you gaped at him. 

“you- you’re staying here? in my bed? you’re not- you’ve not got things to do?”

“I have nothing else to do, and I’m comfy. I’ll probably still be here when you get back.”

“I- uh, okay.”

“unless you’d rather me come to training? we could work on your takedowns.”

“wait, whats wrong with my takedowns? I took down nesta, and gwyn!"

“and until you can take down me and cass, I’m not secure in your safety.”

you huffed at him, but there was a playful smile on your face, telling him you weren’t really mad, and he reached out, placing a hand on your knee, squeezing lightly. your gaze tracked the movement. 

“so, will you come?” he raised a brow at you, and you gasped a little at the innuendo he’d turned it into. “to training! will you come to training?”

“I suppose so.” he sat up, stretching his arms over his head, and his shadows told him of the way you bit your lower lip, gaze flicking over his chest and arms, before snapping away to stare pointedly at the door before he caught you. “I’ll go and put on my leathers. I’ll meet you there, angel.”

rolling from the bed and flexing out the numbness from his wings, he leaned back over, one hand on the mattress beside you, one on your hip, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, and pulling back.

“see you soon.”

he was practically breathless by the time he reached the corridor, closing the door behind himself, shoes in hand. 

on the way to his own bedroom, he crossed rhysand, who was passing to his office, coffee mug raised halfway to his lips, and his brows shot up. “alright, brother?”

“more than alright.”

“want to tell me about it?”

“not yet.” 

“in that case, good luck.”

az grinned, continuing on his way through the house to prepare himself for training.

and just like that, azriel’s favourite new hobby began; teasing you. seeing just how much he could make you blush, how far he could go, whether you felt the same way.

lingering hands that slipped a little lower than needed when you trained, stares that he knew were more than suggestive, winks to accompany jokes that pressed well beyond that of friendship.

now that he had decided to be truthful with friends, he couldn't keep his hands to himself, he wasn’t sure how he ever did.

azriel liked to sit next to you, bury his face in your neck or hair, keep you tugged in close to his side. his arm lived permanently over the back of whatever seat you were on, and he always sat next to you, tucking hair away behind your ears, rubbing your back gently when you got sleepy, and holding you close to his chest every night when you slept. 

he simply couldn't get enough. 

after a few weeks, you’d stopped blushing and being as shocked. you’d caught onto his little game, he suspected, because you had begun making a habit of teasing him back.

you would kiss every cut and scrape and wound that he got once you’d fixed him up, lips teasing over the bandages as he pouted about it falsely.

you’d started to make him work for it, to always find someway to squirm or shuffle, to tease him with the possibility of leaving just so he’d have to grip a little tighter.

you’d taken to playing with his hands, running a the pad of your index over each finger and around his palm, featherlight touches that made him twitch.

and he loved it. every second of it, he loved it.

whenever he could get his hands on you, your hands on him, any part of his body touching you.

and when you weren’t there, his family had gotten more affectionate too. 

cassian gave him a hug every single time he saw him, and it was almost the fifth hug before azriel stopped feeling the lump form in his throat.

rhys had taken to patting his back and shoulders every chance he got while feyre had taken to squeezing his hands and arms. mor would ruffle his hair and pinch his cheeks. he loved all of that, too. 

but he didn’t love any of it as much as he loved your touch. 

and so, the morning when azriel finally lay the last piece of his soul bare to you had felt so utterly normal.

he’d been in your bed that night, his legs were still tangled with yours in the early morning golden sun, noses almost touching as you shared a pillow, and just whispered about everything. his hand was tucked under your shirt to run over your skin lightly as your fingers played with his hair. 

it had been utterly perfect.

he’d told you about his mother, and the childhood he’d been locked away, and the healer who would be his only form of touch for years as she fixed him up after his brothers or step-father hurt him. 

he let you into that final piece of himself, and you’d made it beautiful, just like the rest. 

and so, when he'd leaned forwards, catching your lips with his own in a delicate meeting, it had felt so right. not heart-racing, not anxiety-inducing, not new and terrifying and bold. no, it had felt like coming home. 

and that terrified him.

it terrified him more so when he felt his chest hum, felt his heart skip a beat and the snap that made his breath rush from him. he felt it, felt a bond form, felt the bond form. he was scared.

he could feel his heart speeding up, his thoughts spinning, every mind-stilling technique he’d mastered over the years seemed to go out the window and azriel felt himself gaping at you in shock.

you were frowning at him now, and he could vaguely feel the touch of your fingers slip down from his hair to sit on his cheek, thumb stroking over his face, and every swipe felt like fire over his skin as his nerves electrified.

“not exactly the reaction you want to a mate bond.”

you were smiling, joking, and the breath once again felt pressed from him. this time, every muscle locked up, he went so still he felt like even the blood in his veins had stopped moving.

“you knew?”

a whirlwind of emotions whipping through him; confusion, anger, sadness, frail grief even as he pulled away from your touch on his face. 

he pushed himself to sit up, legs swinging over the edge of the bed, and the sound of your sigh made irritation bubble within him as he processed it. 

rubbing a hand over his face, he sighed, goosebumps lining his bare chest, all the way down to the boxers shorts he’s stripped down to sleep in.

then, there was a burst of concern in his chest, dizzying and disorientating for a moment before he realised it wasn’t his. it was yours, from the bond.

he snapped up walls around it, much the same feeling as the walls in his mind with rhysand, and just like that, soothing cold like his shadows took over where hot love and concern had once been. 

he stood, trying not to take in the hurt on your face as he closed his end of the bond.

“az..”

he stumbled a little at the sound of his name on your tongue, feeling so much, positive and negative; love and betrayal, hurt and anger, comfort and sadness. it was a maddening concoction.

“you knew! you knew and you didn’t tell me! how could you, how could you do that to me?”

he reached for his leathers, tugging the pants up his legs and fastening them right over his shorts, grabbing for his t-shirt next.

you sat up now, crawling across the bed and tangled in the sheets before reaching a hand out to him. 

“azriel.”

he flinched away from your touch, and your outstretched hand faltering before falling to rest on your thigh instead as you sat back on your heels.

“no, no, no. I need to think, don’t touch me right now. I just.. I need some space.”

“you need to think.. about us? about the bond?”

“I have some things to think about!” he was almost ashamed of the outburst as he tugged on his shirt, not even fastening it behind his back, and grabbing his boots and jacket in hand. 

“right… okay, sure.” your voice cracked, and azriel was sure that would have killed him to hear had he not been swirling with so much anger already.

and then he was leaving, slamming your door behind himself and making the journey back to his room barefoot. he barely processed the walk, he barely remembered seeing lucien in the corridor or seeing feyre in the foyer.

the first time his head was clear once again was hours later, when he found himself in front of a punching bag.

he’d done as he always had, and resorted to mindlessly pounding out his emotions whenever it was too much. there were weapons scattered around himself, practice swords near the wood pillars and spare wrapping for his knuckles on the bench, and he reached a hand out to stop the bag from swinging. 

there were mixed smells in the air, mostly his own sweat, that of the valkyries too. they must have come to training, and he hadn't even noticed. he’d been so caught up, so totally lost in his shadows and his feelings that he’d managed to block out the world entirely. 

he willed them back, away from the frenzy around him and into a somewhat calm semblance behind his body, a writhing mass of cool, collected terror.

it was only once they were drawn back that he noticed his brother, arms crossed, leaning on the doorway with his brows raised. 

“want to spar about it?”

his lips twitched up at the edges, and he glanced the ring, before nodding. 

cassian had always known just what he needed when he was in a mood like this.

then again, he’d never quite had a mood like this before. never the hurt of finding his mate, finding out his mate already knew and had deceived him, and then the betrayal to follow, all within minutes. no, this was brand new.

he didn’t want to talk, not as he watched cassian powder and wrap his hands, not as he watched his brother take stance, and not as they began to throw and dodge punches.

no, it wasn’t until azriel was dripping in sweat and panting so hard his lungs hurt that the therapeutic part of it finally kicked in, and his shoulders felt light enough to let the words sitting on his tongue free.

“she’s my mate.”

“yeah.” cassian didn’t even hesitate, and the shock of realising that cassian knew too was so stark he caught a punch across his jaw.

he swore, spitting out to the side and cutting a glare at his brother. he’d already landed a good few punches of his own, but he’d get him back for that one. 

“you knew as well?”

“yeah.” 

azriel landed a hard blow to his brother’s ribs, prompting more than just that one word out of him with a matching glower.

instead, cassian slowed the movements of his feet until they were standing still, panting and aching and loose of physical tension at last. wordlessly, he had stopped the fight, enough that they were actually going to talk about this, it seemed.

“she told me after that one mission, where you almost died and snapped at her real bad. when she woke up after her burnout, we talked about it. I wanted to apologise to her. she told me, that the bond  had snapped for her during that night when she was caring for you.”

azriel remembered that, or, the morning after, at least. how it had felt to wake up to you, to wake up to touch and feeling loved, and how he’d reacted much the same that morning as he had this morning. 

he’d freaked out, and snapped, and yelled a little bit. he cringed slightly at the comparison. 

his brother was smiling, unwrapping his hands. “so, it snapped for you too, then! when?”

“this morning, when we..” 

azriel cleared his throat as heat rose to his cheeks, and cassian wiggled his brows with a smirk. “when we..?”

“oh, gods, cass. when we kissed, that's it.”

then, cassian’s smile dimmed, and his gaze flicked around the room at the chaos left in azriel’s wake.

“so, if it snapped this morning, what the hell are you doing beating out your frustrations up here? there’s much more enjoyable ways to pass the energy surge, you know.”

he winked, and azriel merely rolled his eyes, but he had no anger left to spare at the moment. 

“I… was overwhelmed. I’ve waited so long, cassian, it took me by surprise. I freaked out a little bit, I was so shocked.”

“and?”

sometimes it scared him just how well his brother could read him. he sighed, trying to clear his thoughts enough to recall the morning the way it had happened, without the fog in his mind. 

“and then she told me that she knew. she knew all this time, knowing how much I cared for her, how much I wanted her, how much I wanted a mate, and she kept it from me.”

“because you’re just known for your calm, logical reactions in moments of emotional stress. obviously.”

that earned cassian a scowl weighed with threat and disdain.

“she said she knew, I freaked out and said I needed some space to think, because how could she do that to me? I needed to leave and think some things through.”

“well, as long as you didn’t say it quite like that, but..” cassian shrugged, grabbing his water bottle and taking a hearty gulp before tossing it to azriel. 

he was parched, but he couldn’t bring himself to drink when cassian had dropped a statement like that on him.

“that’s exactly how I said it. verbatim. what do you mean?”

“are you serious, azriel?” 

rarely did cassian ever take that tone with him, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had, and azriel’s eyes widened a little in shock.

“let me just be sure I’m understanding this correctly. the woman who is head-over-heels for you, constantly gives you her all, openly adores you for all to see, you didn’t even suspect that she was your mate?”

“I mean, I hoped, but I tried not to think too hard so I wouldn't be disappointed-”

his excuse was cut off, ignored, as cassian held his hand up to him. 

“then, when the bond finally snaps for you, because you finally let that last bit of your walls down to actually let yourself be happy, that’s what you say?”

“harsh, cass.”

“you told that sweet, kind woman, who knew and was waiting for you to figure it out on your own, because you’re so stubborn and hard-headed that you won’t just let yourself be happy, that you needed to think? you didn’t stop to think that for all this time she’s been protecting that bond alone, the bond you didn’t pick up, loving you with her whole heart and soul while getting nothing back, you didn’t think about her? what she’s been going through? that about cover it?”

azriel had never quite been lectured like this by cassian before. he could only nod.

“you watched me get my heart broken over and over again by nesta until she realised. and you.. you.. what is there to think about? what, you don’t want her? what, that maybe she’s great for keeping your bed warm but not as a mate?”

something awful, horrible, cold and heavy and sinking settled into his stomach.

his chest felt hollow, that place where a bond had been for only seconds before he’d silenced it felt like a missing limb now.

the last of the angry mist filling him finally dissipated.

if cassian thought those things, then maybe you-..

“oh, gods..”

“you’re such a dumbass.” cassian scoffed, frowning at him and placing his hands on his hips.

“okay, seriously, cassian. you are reaming my ass today, what the hell?”

“you deserve it!”

he couldn't argue that, all he could do was grumble about it.

he dropped those walls back down, reaching out for the bond and tugging. no reply, like a brick wall. he tried again, this time you had shut him out, and he hated how empty that made him feel. how much he must’ve hurt you by doing that.

“do you think I should-”

“I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE STILL DOING HERE.”

“OKAY, OKAY.”

it was enough encouragement, enough to spur him from where he was frozen, not even bothering to unwrap his hands as he took off in a jog. 

once again, he was lost to everyone except his own thoughts. 

he missed rhysand as he passed his office and called out a greeting, and he missed elain as he flew in and out of the kitchen, he missed nesta who cursed at him for almost running straight into her.

he searched every room for you, coming up empty everywhere but your bedroom.

he was banging on your door, one hand curled into a fist as he shouted your name, refusing to just barge in when he had so clearly been shut out and cut off, but that resolve was wearing thin the longer you didn’t answer him. 

“angel, please, I just want to talk, stop shutting me out, c’mon.”

his shoulders were slumping, he hoped they weren’t shaking, as your silent treatment settled a heavy sense of foreboding within him.

“hey, az. what are you doing?” elain’s eyes were narrowed on him, and her arms were crossed over her chest as she took him in.

“hey, elain. I can’t find (y/n), she doesn’t want to talk to me.. I fucked up this morning and I know that and I’m sorry!” his voice rose toward the end of his sentence turning back to face the wood of your door and hoping you’d hear it.”

“az, she’s not in there.”

“you know where she is?” he didn’t even have enough to feel embarrassed as his head whipped to her.

“she went back to autumn a couple of hours ago.” elain only shrugged, because she didn’t have a crushing sense of defeat and loss and agony in her chest as she spoke those words. not like he did upon hearing them.

“she.. I mean, she.. what? why? when?” 

elain only shrugged once more. 

“I don’t know. I was out doing some early morning gardening before the heat of the day kicked in, and lucien came out in such a panic all of a sudden and told me he had to go back to autumn immediately, and was taking (y/n) with him. he wouldn’t tell me much more, just that he’d be out of touch for a few days. I barely even got a chance to say goodbye to him before they were winnowing out, bags in hand.” 

she sighed wistfully, clearly missing her mate dearly, and boy did azriel know how that now felt.

he felt hot, all over, and somehow cold at the same time. his body was aching, in all new ways from the vigorous training, his eyes stung so much it hurt to keep them open and will back the oncoming tears. 

“oh, az, don’t worry. they’ll be back soon, I just know it. why don’t we get you some tea, huh? I just brewed a fresh pot of berries and lemon.”

she reached up, one hand on his shoulder and one on his arm to lead him away. it was comforting, the warmth of her touch and the squeeze she gave, the smile to accompany it. but it wasn’t enough, not even close.

so he sat, with a cup of tea clenched between his hands, warming him slowly from the porcelain as elain rolled out bread dough on the counter behind him. 

it was as he took the final sip, staring into the bottom of the blue hand-made mug of feyre’s that elain finally spoke up. the question had been lingering in the air for almost twenty minutes, and he had been delaying it as long as possible.

“do you want to talk about it?”

“not really.”

“talk about it.”

“okay.” 

he’d long since given up on arguing with elain, whether it was her seer abilities, eavesdropping, or an uncanny ability to get information out of people, she’d gotten very good at knowing every single piece of gossip, and it was better to tell her himself than let her puzzle it out or hear it from cassian.

“in a nutshell, (y/n) is my mate, and I fucked it all up.”

“yes, well, I’d managed to piece that much together,” she smirked at him, wiping floury hands on her apron and pouring him a new mug of steaming tea, a spoonful of honey dunking into it to follow before she returned to her bread. “why don’t you tell me the rest?”

“she knew. cassian knew. you knew. everyone but me knew, apparently. the mailman and the courtiers from spring probably know. it snapped for me this morning, and I freaked out a little bit.” he pinched his fingers together, and then winced, expanding them some more “more than a little bit. I told her I needed to think about us, after basically accusing her of lying to me and implying she was awful for doing that, and then I.. stormed out.”

elain blew out a slow breath, slicing the dough into small cubes before shaping them up in circles. “well, it’s not great, I won’t lie. but, I don’t think she’d just run away from you. she’ll come back, she loves you, azriel, that means loving all the flaws that come with you, like brash decisions and saying the wrong thing in the heat of the moment and storming out.”

he let out an empty laugh at her teasing. somewhere deep down, he could see the logic in it all, but that didn’t stop it from hurting right now. 

“oh, az..” she brushed her hands down again, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and propping her chin atop his head, squeezing him lightly. he raised a hand, patting her elbow where it sat on his shoulder and sighing. “you two are going to be just fine, I’m sure of it.”

“are you saying that as my friend or as a seer?”

her silence was answer enough for him and he groaned, head flopping down to sit on his forearms on the table as she only chuckled.

that was how feyre and rhys found him an hour later when they came down for sandwiches made of fresh bread, and he was forced to say it all over again. 

then that evening, mor joined everyone for dinner and rhys forced him to reiterate it all over once more as he smirked. 

the following morning, nesta gave him a look as she passed him in the corridor, and he knew that cassian had told her, too.

the only reprieve was amren, who simply did not care, and told everyone as much when sensing the foul mood hanging over him. 

for three days he moped, every evening making him feel worse and worse.

he was lonely, his bed was cold, his chest was colder, and he felt like his heart wasn’t even beating. 

he’d always been confused before when hearing the rumours, the stories of people with rejected or lost mates, and yet now, he understood. 

he didn’t want to get up, he didn’t want to leave his bed, he wanted to lay, and fester alone, and wait.

azriel had been just fine before, just fine when nobody touched him, nobody told him what he could and couldn't have, when he was moping and broody and he’d never known any different. he was just fine imagining what his life could have been and never having it. 

but then he’d had it. he’d had love and affection and touch, he’d had someone make him their priority, he’d had someone to cheer him up on bad days and to make him laugh when he wanted to frown. he’d had someone. and now, he was back to having no one.

it was dinner on the fourth night, as he was sipping on his wine, when the hairs on the back of his neck stood. 

his shadows stilled for a split second, swirling in slow motion before becoming frantic.

the front door was opened a moment later. the room around him went silent, all eyes moving to the foyer.

his spine straightened almost painfully as his hands clenched, trying to resist the urge to fly up from his seat and toward you.

a small smile formed on your face as you glanced around upon making it to the kitchen, and as rhysand stood, his legs twitched, wanting to copy. wanting to follow, to make his way to you, to-

“I’m sorry we just disappeared.” lucien sighed, wiping a hand over his face. he looked exhausted, like he’d spent days on end without sleep, he’d rarely seen the male so stressed. you looked worse. 

concern and panic flared up within him as he took in the circles under your eyes, the slump of your shoulders like even standing up was exhausting.

“I couldn't say anything until, well, until we knew what had actually happened. no easy way to say it, so, here it is. my father is dead.”

that shocked him, enough that he managed to tear his gaze from you for a second to stare at lucien, jaw dropping like almost everyone else. 

elain’s chair screeched back, she was on her feet a moment later, flying towards her mate and into his arms as she mumbled soothing apologies mixed with vague curses about the man, and lucien only chuckled.

“what happened?” mor burst, frowning in an attempt to seem apologetic, he was sure most of the looks around the table were false sympathy. he wasn’t sure that even lucien was all that upset by it. 

“officially? sickness. unofficially? assassination.”

gasps sounded around the table, and he didn’t care to take in any of it, frowning when feyre stood from her seat and made her way to you, squeezing your hands in her own, and azriel hated it, because he wanted to be the one holding you.

before he could move, rhys was tapping at his shields, a sharp talon scratching down those mental walls he’d put up.

“lucien, we should talk about it. my office, if you’re willing?”

the redhead only nodded, pressing a kiss to his mate’s head before disentangling himself. 

he glanced to his brother, mental conversation taking place, and he knew it was right, no matter how much he hated it. if beron had been assassinated, they needed to talk, and that involved him.

the sympathetic look on rhys’ face did nothing to soothe him, and it was like dragging his body through wet cement as he followed lucien, rhys and cassian out of the dining room and to his office.

for three torturous hours he tried to focus and give his best, and yet you were all he could think about. 

you were so close, you were back within the same four walls as he was, you were here, he could talk to you, get to you. he needed to.

as soon as he was free to go, he was outside of your bedroom door, knuckles tapping against the wood until he heard the faint ‘come in’ from the other side.

you were sitting in your bed, only the lamp beside you on.

“azriel, hey. I’ve been waiting for you.”

he couldn't feel any bone in his body as he all but sagged with relief. “you have?”

you only nodded as he took a few steps closer. “we should probably talk.”

well, there goes that relief.

his throat was burning, he felt so exposed and vulnerable and lost.

he was so caught up that he’d never noticed the return of that bond, the reopening of your end, until a wave of reassurance washed down it toward him.

there were tears in his eyes and his laugh was croaky as he rubbed his chest.

“I’m so sorry. I thought you left. I thought you were gone for good, I was so scared you weren’t coming back to me I thought I drove you away, and you have no idea how much that hurt, I couldn't even think. it- it was like my heart was missing from my chest, I love you so much, I can’t be apart from you, okay? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean to make you leave, I didn’t mean to make you sad. not that morning, or the morning after that night you saved my life. I’ll be better, okay? I won’t be so grumpy and I won’t jump to conclusions, and I’ll just tr-”

“oh, oh, az-” he could sense how overwhelmed you were, he was only making it worse, and he watched you kick at the sheets and crawl toward the edge of the bed. “azriel, baby, c’mere.”

you held your hands held out to him, just like they had days ago, and he didn’t make the same mistakes as last time. 

he stumbled forward, until your hands could take his face softly, thumbs swiping away the tears that were flowing steadily over his cheeks. 

one of his hands closed over your own, the other gripping the opposite wrist.

“I’m so sorry, angel.”

“az, gods, honey, I’d never leave you. I’m sorry, that I had to close the bond, but it was a court-wide lockdown, I was liable for treason if I didn’t. all communication had to be cut off, even lucien to elain.”

he could only nod, he’d known that much, because elain had started to grow just as sad as he’d been as of yesterday morning. 

“I’m not going anywhere, ever, okay? one little hiccup isn’t going to ruin what we have. you take as much time as you need to process it, gods know I spent the whole night I was mopping your forehead and checking your pulse was still there processing it.”

you pulled him forward, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and azriel was sure no drug or alcohol or deep breath as he broke the surface of the water had ever felt like this.

“I thought there was no way this moody bat who wants nothing to do with me is my mate.”

he laughed, hands finding your hips, your cheek resting on his temple as you hugged him close. “I’m sorry I was so rude the morning after.”

“that’s okay, I already forgave you for that a while ago. can you forgive me for not telling you for so long?”

“I already forgave you days ago. I’ve been in agony missing you ever since.”

you pulled away, despite his protests, kissing each of his damp cheeks gently. 

“do you want to get ready for bed and join me? I’ve almost finished my chapter.”

“you sure you still want me?”

“I’m never going to stop wanting you, azriel. you’re mine, and I’m yours. I love you.”

“I love you.”

azriel was quick to strip down, all the way to his boxers, leaving his leathers over the back of the chair and his boots by the door.

you were still kneeling and looking at him fondly, and the air around him seemed to warm with affection, every nerve in his body relaxing.

“you ready for bed?”

“..yes.”

“you want some really clingy cuddles tonight?”

“I don’t think I could be close enough to you tonight if we actually became one person.” 

he wasn't sure where such a confession came from, but you laughed at him, big smile and eyes closing and he didn’t care. if bearing his soul to you meant relaxed laughing and pretty smiles and feeling like this, he’d tell you every soppy, silly thought he’d ever had.

while your eyes were closed, he moved, all but tackling you onto the bed and burying his face into your neck. 

it only made you laugh more, hands gripping at his shoulders, squirming as his hands ran up and down your sides to tickle, pinned underneath him and breathless as you giggled. 

“az! what about the covers, my book, the lights!”

“don’t care.” he pressed a kiss to the crook between your neck and shoulder, finally relenting his tickling to simply lay on you instead.

love and playful joy and the feeling of fullness flushed down the bond, filling his chest as you caught your breath under him. 

you shifted again.

“az, honey, please-”

“I love it when you call me that.” he groaned, nudging his nose against your jaw, cheeks aching from the smile on his lips. you only tugged at a handful of the covers under your bodies.

“I'm gonna’ freeze in the night, I’m not made of the same stuff you are.”

“that’s what happens when you wear these little nightgowns to bed.”

pinching some of the silk slip between his fingers, he jerked it lightly, and you smacked his hand away.

“they’re comfy! and besides, do you know how hot it gets in bed with you?” he pushed himself up, unable to stop the cassian-like smirk on his face as a very cassian-like joke passed through his mind. he needed to stop spending so much time with his brother. “oh, cut it out. you are like a furnace, but above the covers, I’m all exposed, my legs will get cold.”

“no winning with you, huh?”

“you’re gonna’ have to get used to losing arguments if you’re gonna’ be with me, honey.” 

he sighed dramatically, despite the skip of his heart which he knew you felt too, and he lifted himself up, pulling back the covers so you could get beneath, and settling himself in beside you. 

with the book gone and the lights out, azriel shuffled himself closer, resting one scarred palm on your cheek in the dark. “now can we cuddle?”

“yes, shadowsinger, illyrian warrior, terrifying-” he scoffed, leaning in to cut you off with a kiss, one which was cut short by your giggling.

“wasn’t it you that told me none of those things define me, and they don’t stop me being worthy of love?”

“yes, my love, my honey, my mate-”

“much better.”

“we can cuddle now.”

he tugged you closer, close enough that his forehead touched yours, cheeks on the same pillow, and he’d never felt happier than this moment, bond singing between your bodies.

after a moment, you moved, head tucking under his chin, legs tangling, and he circled his arms right around you, one wing following.

azriel felt like he was practically melting into you, as the slow traces of your fingers up and down his arm drained away every bit of stress from his body.

“everything is different with you, az. when you hold me, I feel so safe. I feel protected, like nothing can go wrong in the world.”

his heart swelled and he dipped enough to kiss your hairline in response, your nose following, before his lips were meeting with your own.

it was fragile, and soft, and perfect. everything he’d ever wanted. 

it was the kind of kiss that promised every day, not the passion of one night or the teasing of something more. this kiss spoke to every part of him, it filled his heart, made him proud and happy and contented, and he loved it.

“when you hold me, I feel like I can finally be vulnerable. like someone sees every single part of me, and loves me. I don’t feel scared to show you every part of my soul. I am completely and wholly yours.”

[enchantedlov3r]

Dom!Ellie x KittyReader? I think this song fits more into Ellie's pov especially when she's making sure to put in KittyReader's brain just how much of a tease she is.

I would love to execute this and go overboard if that's ok? thanks! mwah!

Can be found in masterlist as: more than a fucking friend

ellie was so overprotective of you. constantly wanting to be with you and make sure your safe.

not exactly control you, ellie never wanted that, more so she wanted you just all to herself.

you can freely be you because that's what she wants. is for you to be comfortable and be free to be whoever you are.

but she knew that if she confessed her feelings to you, she would be friendzoned.

yea sure you kissed her on the cheek a lot, and slapped her ass or hugged her behind her waist, it doesn't mean that you are in love with her.

your just gonna say you wanna be friends. and that's what hurt ellie, she didn't wanna hear you say those words to her.

so she kept being that friend that was secretly in love with her best friend.

until one night completely changed her mind.

it was an event at the grand hall in jackson. loads of people were there to party, drink, dance, and mingle.

ellie stood back and kept watch of you while also talking to jesse.

"i always hated these things." Jesse said. ellie snorted and sipped on her drink. "yea, tell me about it." she says.

she puts her drink down and watches you dancing from afar with dina. she bites her lip looking at you sway your hips.

"someone's hungry." jesse says with a smirk as he nudges ellie with his shoulder.

"huh? what oh uhm n-no, totally not pshh, nah i'm not like hun-" she stutters before getting cut off by jesse.

"she's a beautiful girl ellie, if you want her, go after her. I know the look of love and craving when I see it. that was me with dina." he says before his smile slightly fades

"thanks. hey cheer up. I give it a week before she's running back to you, trust me. Me and y/n have been trying to get you guys together for the longest." she says to try and cheer jesse up.

"really? thanks ellie!" jesse says taking a sip of his drink. ellie smiles at him before answering. "no problem."

"speaking of the angels, here they both come now." jesse whisperes to ellie.

ellie and jesse both sit up straighter now as you both smile at them.

"ellie, may I have this dance?" you say holding out your hand to ellie. she takes it and smiles.

"Certainly I didn't forget your dance partner, dina. Dance with jesse dina! have fun you two!" you say smiling behind your shoulder.

"your so obvious." ellie says with a chuckle. her face warm with a pink blush as you drag her to the dance floor.

"what, they need to act like adults! were not kids anymore." you say as you wrap ellies arms around your waist.

you rest your arms around her neck and smile. "I have one teeny tiny question." you say to her.

'oh no, what could it be' ellie thinks. "ok, what it is it?" ellie asks.

"How bad do I smell?" you say giggling at her reaction. she sniffs you and makes a face. you laugh and hit her shoulder.

"Like a big pile of trash." ellie responds with a smile. you laugh and hit her softly again.

"Oh really? well how's this?" you say as you rub your face on hers and run your hands down her neck.

ellie smirks at that and scoffs. "ewwww! that's just gross." she says.

"oh well, to bad ellie." you say to her as you nestle your face into her neck.

"uhm, every guy in this room is staring at you right now." ellie says her eyes scanning the room.

"maybe there staring at you." you whisper in her ear. she shakes her head lightly. "nope, definitely you."

"well maybe they're just jealous of you." you whisper in her ear again. you smile before snuggling into her neck again.

"I'm just a girl, not a threat." ellie says as she holds you a little tighter. you look at her and move a piece of hair from out of her face.

"oh els, I think they should be terrified of you..." you say seductively before slowly gazing down to her lips.

she looks at your lips as well and you lean in and kiss her.

'woah, what the fuck is happening right now.' ellie thought that night.

you actually fucking kissed her. she was blown away. but obviously not all fairytale scenes have happy endings.

"Hey" a guy says.

he looks at you both with utter anger, hate and disgust. you laugh and look at ellie.

when he doesn't move you stop laughing and grab ellies hand, "ok." you say.

you guys walk off and he speaks up, "you know, this is an event! there's children here!" he yells.

"oh yea, and your setting such a wonderful example dickhead." you bark back at him.

oh yea, just what this town needs, another loud mouthed dyke." he says.

you freeze and so does ellie. yet, ellie is the first to react, "what the fuck did you just say?" she yells as she storms towards the guy while you trail infront of her to try and stop the altercation.

luckily joel steps in and maria and tommy as well. you drag ellie off and walk out of the building together.

"sorry about that guy. seth can be a real dickhead." ellie speaks first to break the silence.

you hum and respond, "it's ok, i'm just glad my best friend was there to defend me." you say with a tight-lipped smile.

ellie sighs and let's go of your hand, she stops walking and runs her hands down her face.

"I hate when you do that you know?" ellie say. she takes a deep breath so she doesn't get angry. last thing she wants to do is yell at you and make you cry.

"w-when I do what els, I-I don't understand." you say confused at her sudden moodchange.

"look, I don't wanna be your fucking friend. I wanna be more than a fucking friend to you. fuck- baby, I love you, i'm in love with you. I mean you just fucking kissed me and your still calling me a friend." ellie says looking straight into your eyes.

ellie starts pacing now running a hand through her soft auburn hair. you look at her with glossy eyes.

"I-I am in love with you too els." you say making ellie's pacing stop as she turns and looks at you.

"I never knew how to tell you so I t-tried to show you. kissing you on the cheek, slapping your very sexy ass." you say with a chuckle, "and hugging you from behind and always giving you a peck on your neck? Like that didn't strike you a little that I was smitten about you?" you ask

ellie's eyes widen as she looks back at all the things you did that weren't exactly friend like. problem was, she didn't wanna believe it.

that someone as beautiful as you would want someone as weird as her. she looked past all the good concepts and went straight to overthinking about the bad ones.

"I mean, I thought you were implying something, but I always thought the negative, and I didn't wanna embarrass myself back then so... I ignored the obvious signs in front of me. I'm sorry." ellie says walking closer to you and holding your face in her hands.

"your such a tease though... did you know that?" ellie says with a smirk on her face as she brings her face closer to yours.

"w-what, h-how-?" you stutter. you try to stand your ground and act all tough but it fades when you see the look in ellie's eyes.

"nah, don't act all innocent kitty. you know what you were doing, you made me flustered... now it's my turn." ellie says before smashing her lips on yours in a heated kiss.

Taglist: @raynesbandaids @elliew1lliamswife @liliesdiary @evbunnie + any others that wanna be added to the taglist!

A/N: GOD ASHAHAHAJSKS I love me some ellie, she's just so MHMM! I'm so gay for her, but I hope u liked this sugar and please send in more requests for tlou2 I need more requests for joel, ellie and tommy!!!

[leviismybby]

"Levi?"

Your voice calls out for him, Levi opens his eyes slowly and you smile at him. "...name..?" His voice was weak, he wasn't sure where he was but you were there sitting next to him.

"Yes?" That soft voice of yours reaches his ears and Levi feels a shiver run down his spine. "Where am...." He looked around, it was raining and he was covered in blood, his body felt weightless. "...I?"

"You're in the same place you were before the explosion." You run your hands through his hair, smiling at him. Levi looks at you, his eyes soft. "Name...." He reaches out and you take his hand, despite the blood gushing from his missing fingers, you don't seem to mind.

"I...the thunder spear exploded.." His eyes narrow slightly but he is quick to change it and look at you softly. "...did you see all of that..?"

"I did." The rain kept falling, soaking both you and him. Levi didn't know what to say to you, he wishes that you two were somewhere safe, wrapped up in each other's arms and cover each other in kisses.

He tries to sit up but is too weak to do so. "Levi, you're injured you can't get up." You tell him and Levi now notices that you're still in the old scout uniform.

"Name..? You're not really here are you?" His voice is sad and desperate. "No, I am not. You're dreaming." You tell him, still a smile remains on your face as you rub his hair gently.

"No...no...Name...I want to...stay here with you.." His grip on your arm is tight, his eyes now full of pain and sorrow, he is almost crying. "Please...I am tired...I don't want to fight anymore...Name...please..."

"If you don't, who will?" You kiss his forehead, your eyes shine. "I know that you're tired, my love." Your hand still holds onto his, despite the pain he is feeling, he is only focused on you, you still look as beautiful as ever.

"The world needs you, Levi. Now more than ever." He closes his eyes, letting himself feel your gentle touch but tears are streaming down his face as he remembers that this wasn't going to last, that you're not really here. It's all on his mind and yet, he holds onto the dream for longer.

"I need....you...that's all I ever wanted....you....a life with you.....was it too much to ask for?" His body starts to feel pain and he knows that he is waking up. ".... I never told you.....I never told you that I love you....and I'll never get to now...."

Your smile still doesn't fade. "Levi, I know you love me. You didn't have to say it, your actions spoke louder than words." You lean in and kiss his forehead again, he feels it less this time because he will wake up soon, he can faintly hear someone calling his name.

"I have to go now, my love." Letting go of him, you stand up but Levi weakly reaches out and grips your arm. "...name...please....stay. I don't want this dream to end."

Kneeling down again, you put the now broken pocket watch you gave him, under his shredded dark green cloak. "You know that I can't stay Levi, not now, not ever." You kiss him on the lips softly. "Till we meet again dearest, you have a world to save now. It will hurt less one day."

His eyes start to close as he sees you fade away. Let him sleep for longer. That's all he is asking for, to see you again. To hold you, to kiss you. But as he hears Hange's desperate attempt to get him to wake up, he knows that his dream had come to an end.

Later he can hear the sound of fire and the forest around him. His face is and body are all patched up now and Hange is sitting next to him.

Levi closes his eyes again until he feels something under his touch. The watch you give him, it's not working anymore and the glass is broken. But how? It flew away when the explosion happened, how did it get here, next to him?

"Hange...how...did the watch get here..?" Hange looks at him. "I found it wrapped up in your cloak, it must've tangled itself there, somehow."

Levi closes his eyes once more and in hope of falling asleep and seeing you again. However, he remembered what you told him, he has a world to save and that's what he will do because despite all the pain and loss, he still has hope.

He knows that he will never see you again in this life and has come to peace with that conclusion because he will see you again, just not here but he will see you smile again and it won't be just a dream that time.

[r1pp4r]

hi lovelies!! work has been busy <333 i’m working on requests but in the mean time have some simon “ghost” riley headcannons :))

- i also bought a ps4 and have been playing cod so… more content hehe 🫶🫶

anyway!! here’s the headcannons :)) slight NSFW warning!!!

——————————————————————————————

- 🫣

• simon isn't a physical touch man unless youre in private but it takes a little bit. he won't be all over you when the two of you are out in public, especially on mission. but he'll do discreet little touches here and there (i.e put his hand on your upper arm, brush your shoulder, your knee, thigh) he'll even grab your pinky (he LOVES finger holding you cant change my mind)

• while simon would be absolutely infatuated with you, he'd also be terrified of you. he loves the thought of having you wrapped in his arms at night but the thought of him crushing or possibly hurting you shuts the idea out almost completely.

• this one is sad but he's hurt you before sleeping. he was definitely having a night terror, he's pushed you out of bed sometimes or woken up screaming. you didn't get to see that until farther along in the relationship though, he probably wouldn't physically sleep with you for maybe the first 6months to a year. it depends on ur dynamic :))

• as much as i know everyone thinks he'd be some mean, aggressive brute in bed... bro. he'd literally be so sweet. he'd take his time and make sure you felt loved. he likes to use his hands and mouth more than his yk, it just makes him feel like he's violating you less? idk how to explain it but he doesn't like receiving TOO much, like he won't ask for it every time but if you ever wanna really get him goin.. 🫣🫣🫣

• simon loves to take care of you, and the thing is you'll argue over it. (at least imc) but he'd definitely try and be the main caretaker of everything and i mean EVERYTHINGGGG, but he also likes ur independence :)) so u have your own job n your own money, he just likes to take care of the big things you pay for groceries n shit (when he's not looking)

• this man LOOOOOVES ur thighs. he loves just feeling his head squished in between the warmth. he loved feeling the skin squish between his fingers as he grabs your legs... esp when it jiggles after he spanks u. ANYWAYYYYYYYYY

• he loves cuddling whenever youre the little spoon in any shape or form. simon is ALWAYS holding you. his arms are wrapped around your form like a cocoon and he makes sure you're all cozied up against him. he also likes to make sure you're protected and one of the only ways he can do that is with his arms around you. he feels the safest with his arms wrapped around you, as do you.

• playing off that.. this man will literally murk a motherfucker if they LOOK at you wrong. (obviously not he'd just stare.. at them. very intensely) but if anyone ever put their hands on you in any sense of malice... i don't think for a second simon would hesitate.

• also... playing off sense. simon 100% knows when someone's bullshitting, or he can call anyone out within a minute. he's VERY good at reading people and truly can figure out their intentions quickly (obvs they can change or he can be wrong but like.. he's not 85% of the time.)

• once simon is comfortable enough with you, he'll come to you whenever he's having a moment and will allow you to basically cradle him until he doesn't need it anymore. he doesn't like to be squeezed tho (besides during ... but we knew that 😸) he just wants you to hold him and run ur fingers through his hair

• he talks a LITTLE bit more with you and his tone is a lot different and his voice is softer but he still doesn't talk a LOT. you do most of the talking but he prefers it that way because he loves listening to your voice. (he 100% calls you on missions whenever he can rather than text, he HATES texting)

• simon has cried to soap and roach about how he wants to love you but feels like he can’t. 100%.

• he only likes to be called simon when they’re at home, or in the bedroom. sometimes you’ve slipped up and he doesn’t mind :)

•bonus simon loves ur hands :~)

[earthry]

hello love i hope you have an amazing weekend Can i ask about hc with insecure papas who thinks reader is with them just, because they're heads of the church and suddenly they're retired and have to tell about it reader?

Aw thank you, I hope you do too!

I was very excited to do this prompt <3

sfw, hurt/comfort, angst, tw self deprecation, low self-esteem, fluff

Primo

Considers himself good at handling stress but all he does is avoid the problem, distracting himself from what he’s feeling. So instead of going to you directly, he picks up gardening.

Has no clue what he’s doing, this is his first introduction into the hobby. He finds a little patch and asks if he can have it and when the Ministry doesn’t protest, he just starts digging up grass.

The problem becomes unavoidable when you seek him out after his continued absence. He’s always gone from the bed when you wake and doesn’t return until very late. Part of you was prepared to find the worst; that he’d been seeing someone else or something but when you find him, he’s up to knees in dirt tearing up the Ministry’s lawn.

The encounter ends with you holding his hand as he confesses the news and his fears of you leaving. You can tell he’s anxious from the stiffness of his posture and the tension in his expression. Leaning so that your forehead rests against his, you tell him he has no need to be afraid of you leaving because you don’t plan to anytime soon. His place as Papa isn’t why you’re with him, and you’ll do your best to show him that in the future to come.

You also joke that you’d better get your own pair of gardening gloves if this is gonna be a permanent new hobby.

Secondo

He believes in tearing off the bandaid quickly, and he doesn't allow himself the time to truly process things or grieve for himself. He just goes on as if everything's okay still and when he tells you the news, he might as well be telling you the weather forecast with how nonchalant he is when he brings it up.

You can see through him though, like stained glass. Can see just how tightly he's wound up, how stiff his muscles are as he braces himself for you to leave. He's playing it casual, like he doesn't care. Like he’s telling himself that when you leave, he'll just keep this facade and eventually he'll be okay again (though he can't even begin to think about a life without you, can't bear to think of you leav-- he stops himself from finishing that thought for fear it may shatter him).

And because you know him and because you can see past that stoney mask of his, the first thing you do is take his calloused hands in yours and press a gentle kiss to it— a reassuring gesture you often do when he’s feeling uneasy or nervous about something and it speaks for itself. You can practically see the tension seeping out of Secondo with how much he deflates and practically collapses against you. You don’t mind however and welcome him with open arms, embracing him as he falls back against you.

You tell him that he’s silly for thinking you’d ever leave just because he’s not Papa anymore. You list all the reasons off the top of your head on why you love him, Secondo, and not Papa Emeritus II.

He hates it when he cries, despises it with a passion because he was raised with toxic masculinity, but he allows himself to let it out in the safety of your arms with his head buried into the crook of your neck. He asks you to continue talking, asks you to tell him about your day, so you do. You tell him what you did that morning, what you ate, who you saw and what they said.

His kisses are the softest after, thankful and relieved and so in love with you. His energy has all been spent through the emotional whirlwind that is his coping methods and so you take him to bed early, tucking yourself into his arms and wrapping around him like a koala. He whispers that he loves you about a billion times, just in case you forget.

Terzo

He figures after he was dragged off stage, he would be retiring. Has a full blown panic attack, and you hold him tightly in his bedroom. Little whines and stuttered breathes as he tries to stop hyperventilating. It takes a little time but you eventually help him settle by putting his hand against your chest and telling him to follow your breathing.

You tell him so many things— that it’s okay and it will be okay. That you’re not going anywhere and that regardless of what happens, he won’t be alone.

You gently brush his tears away and help him clean off his papa makeup, kissing each patch of bare skin you reveal. You run a bath for the two of you with his favorite essential oils and let him curl up in your lap, clinging to you like a stubborn panda. You even tease him about being like one, and his cheeks heat up pink, flustered.

When you finally get to bed, you let him be the little spoon, enveloping him in your arms and holding him tight with the promise that you won’t let go.

Copia

To him, there is no question to whether you would stay or not. He just knows you won’t because he can’t possibly think of a single reason why you would stay if he were no longer Papa. To him, he had been worth nothing until he was Papa. Just the weird quirky cardinal that everyone tolerates because at least he gets his work done on time. He doesn’t know you’ve had a crush on him for years before he ever even stepped foot into the spotlight to lead the Ministry.

He lets himself have one more day. Just one more day where you’re all his and he’s all yours and everything is okay with the world. One more day he gets to hold you in his arms and make you laugh and kiss your lips that he swears taste of honey. To have your hand in his, fingers intertwined as if they were meant to fit together perfectly like soulmates. To hear you say “I love you” and mean it with everything in your heart.

He cries that night as the two of you lay down to sleep, but won’t tell you what’s wrong. Instead, he begs you to hold him the entire night, to stay with him until he wakes. And you do. You kiss his forehead softly and promise you’ll be there in the morning. You wrap him in safety and love until he finally drifts off into a fitful sleep.

In the morning, it’s the first thing he tells you and he fully expects you to get dressed and collect your things to leave. What he doesn’t expect is for you to drag him back to bed.

You snuggle him within an inch of his life and tell him you’re not leaving, not when he’s the perfect cuddle buddy. You’ll reassure him as many times as he needs to hear it and he cries again, soft relieved tears that you kiss away.

[btnclmrttn]

Imagine:

Nsfw alphabet with saitama

I know is a lot but is up to you, hope you are alright these days!

NSFW ALPHABET(+18) - Saitama

[Kicking ass, hon! Thank you for your patience with this. I hope it satisfies your request!]

A = Aftercare

His go-to is taking a bath with you. Cleaning up the mess he made of you (and on you) and cuddling until the water isn’t so warm anymore. He doesn’t notice how clingy he is, as he doesn’t want anything less than his arms wrapped around you for the most part. 

B = Body part

On him, his hands. Shit, he's strong, and his hands have something to show for it. They’re so gentle with you and adore having your waist fill them. He loves your waist area. Holding it and letting his thumbs run along your back or drawing circles around your stomach.

C = Cum

Loves fucking you until cum starts trailing down your thighs or slopping against him. A visual reassurance he’s making you feel good. Also likes pulling out and cumming on your hole, smearing it on you with his tip before sliding himself back in and going for a second round right there. He likes doing that almost as much as just cumming inside you.

D = Dirty Secret

Would so love to walk in on you masturbating one day. He’s thought about it so many times. He wants it entirely unexpected, so he doesn’t ever bring it up, but he has his hopes.

E = Experience

Well, he's got the gist of it. He never had the best luck with dating and didn't like it casually, but he's read and watched about plenty enough not to be ignorant about how the general of it goes.

His attitude is that he would rather have a connection with someone and learn about them thoroughly versus quick satisfaction, so whatever needs to be hands-on to learn, he's ready and willing.

F = Favorite Position

Being able to see your face is what he wants most. So ASIDE from somn basic, he likes holding you up either against a wall or with your legs wrapped around him. He isn’t so bummed about being so strong anymore since he can do that to you.

G = Goofy

So fucking goofy. He was so shy and nervous the first time you two did it he had to be a bit goofy to relax. Now, it's just his thing. He loves hearing you laugh, too, while you're having your fun. It makes it more intimate for him

It's also pretty hot to him how your laughter blends with your moans.

H = Hair

Well...uh...

I = Intimacy

Aside from being goofy he is a total cornball, too. Absolute goober. Holding you close and whispering all the sweet things, taking his time, looking you in the eye, and occasional random kisses on your forehead. Lots of non-verbal cornball shit

J = Jack Off

He doesn’t do it as much now that he’s in a relationship. Did it a lot when living alone and being so bored all the time. These days, it only happens when he’s been away from you for too long.

K = Kink

OVERSTIMULATION

I will die on this hill. He started liking it more and more when he figured out it wasn't hard for him to do it by accident—being overstimulated himself, though? Loves it. He wants to see how much he can push himself and take it. He'll whine and grip the sheets so hard he could tear them, fumbling over his words

"I can take it. I can take it."

L = Location

Perfectly content with keeping it in just the bedroom. He wouldn't feel that comfortable doing it outside unless there was certainty no one would be able to stumble on it (i.e., on the roof of a tall building or a middle of nowhere ass location). That and also some of the annoying inconveniences of what you could run into kill the mood for him

M = Motivation

It isn’t difficult at all to get him going. Oh, and especially if you make him something really good. Seriously, if you ever make him something that he likes a whole lot, it’s damn near some foreplay. Quickest route to getting fucked good.

N = NO

Not into any pain play of any kind. No biting or manhandling. He's too strong and would hurt you, which is the last thing he wants to do. Also doesn't want to be mean. Degrading is a no-no. 

O = Oral

Loves recieving for sure he ain’t quiet about that. When giving, he enjoys you thoroughly. He eats you up like he’s savoring his last meal and is in no rush at all. Not stopping just because you came either. 

P = Pace

Overall prefers to be slow and sensual. Making love like he's just stupid drunk off you. It's the intimacy of it that he favors. You might get surprised sometimes though; when you're getting closer and closer that's when he starts being rough and just has a massive grin on his face as he messes with you that way. You know he's plotting overkill when he's cheesing more than usual.

Q = Quickie

Absolutely! He could make it quick if need be. It’s not something he would do often intentionally, its more of a last option to you both being busy and a little sexually frustrated. He’d still prefer to “make it up to you” whether a quickie was resorted to or not.

R = Risk

For sure would try about anything at least once within your guys boundaries. Why not? It’s not often he has a suggustion, but when he does you gotta wonder what’s running through his head when he’s quiet. He don’t even know some shit he says can be considered kinda freaky and is so nonchalant about it. 

S = Stamina

Strongest guy in the known universe. No need to guess! It's great that he doesn't tire out until he doesn't and you are whipped. You're in control of when you two stop. He could go all day, and would. He'd be so down for just a day of nothing but nasty.

T = Toys

They are so damn expensive and that irks him. However! Dude will use anything you already have. Once he realized how much of a friend these devices were, it became a weapon. Straight-up murder. His overstimulation kink would go berserk. That being said, any toys that use batteries are his enemy. Batteries get expensive with a kink like that.

U = Unfair

Quite a bit but he's still a bit goofy. "You sure? Absolutely sure? Positive?"He does it mostly for laughs, or because you thought you could do the same and he's giving it back. As much as he likes to just take his time touching you it messes with you eventually. Oh but if he's in the middle of just tearing you up and he's got you all a noisy mess, he's looking to push your buttons.

V = Volume

Mostly it's his heavy, trembling breathing that makes the most noise. He's more vocal when he's getting closer Cursing under his breath and moaning your name. If you want a crybaby, though, you can get one if you play into that overstimulation kink. Just don’t get another noise complaint on you guys 

W = Wild Card

Mutual masterbation would be so enjoyable for him. You get a whole full view of how he looks at you and how hard you make him, and watch how he tries so badly to let you finish by yourself instead of swoop in and make you come himself. It drives him NUTS.

X = X-Ray

Considering how average he presents himself, it would fit that he's also average in the pants. Not huge, not small, not super girthed up or anything. 5 and some odd inches is the average.  Throwing in though he has the most excellent Adonis belt you could feast your eyes on because of all that training he did.

Y = Yearning

Higher than you’d assume. As chill as he seems it’s just a bit surprising. He’ll jump from his chill state to horny. Being as quiet as he is though it’s just hard to catch on to when naughty thoughts start cycling until they finally get to him. 

Z = ZZZ

It makes him relaxed enough to fall asleep not to long after, but he can hold out until he knows you’re properly taken care of. That sleep is about to be deep as hell, though

[kaleldobrev]

Prologue — Take Me Back Series

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader

Series Summary: After making a deal to bring you back, Sam doesn't see you until years later when your paths cross during a case

Original Prompt: Requested by anonymous | Hi, I just joined Tumblr and came across your blog, it's wonderful! I'd like to make a request, something between Sam and reader. The reader dies and Sam makes a pact to bring her back, but she comes back without remembering him and the hunting life. He thinks it's best to stay away from her. Years later they meet and she falls in love with him all over again, and when they kiss she regains her memory. Do you like it?

Chapter Word Count: 1.3k

Chapter Warnings: Cursing (2x), Sad Sam Winchester

Authors Note: I hope you enjoy the Prologue of the Take Me Back mini-series! | This was originally supposed to be just a one-shot | Also Y/N is not in this chapter, but she'll be in the next one! | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

Four Years Ago...

With a snap of the small metal box, Sam placed it back into the crossroads and buried it, taking a deep breath. Turning around, a brunette woman appeared, wearing a long black gown. "Ah Sam Winchester, what do I owe the pleasure?" She asked, a slight smile on her lips.

"You already know," Sam replied, voice stern.

"You want your girlfriend back," she answered, and Sam nodded. "See, here's the thing about that. I would love more than anything to bring her back so the two of you can live happily ever after. I'm a sucker for romance."

Sam scoffed. "I'm sure you are. So can you bring her back or not?" He asked, his hand slowly starting to move into his back pocket, gently gripping the demon knife.

"Release your hand from that knife and then we can talk," she smirked. Sam and her exchanged looks briefly before he released his hand from the knife, placing his hands in front so she could see them bare. "That's more like it," she smiled. "So, there's the deal. I can bring her back, but...there's a catch," she said, flashing her whitest smile.

"I know there's a catch. Me and my brother have made plenty of demon deals," he replied. "Ten years, or me and my brother do you a favor and not kill you."

She let out a small laugh. "You boys know that ten-year deal is never on the table for you, and as much as I would love having a Winchester owe me one, you boys almost never hold up your end." She started walking toward him now, and her hands fell to his chest, which tightened at her touch. "I can bring her back, and you don't have to owe me a thing but, the catch is," she leaned in, whispering in his ear, "she won't remember you or the hunting life."

"What do you mean she won't remember me?" He asked, his voice slightly hurtful.

"Sweetie, what part of she won't remember you can't you wrap your gigantic head around? Tsk. Tsk," she moved around him, her hands gripping his muscular arms. "I bring her back, she doesn't remember you or hunting. I say that's a pretty sweet deal."

Sam wanted you back, needed you back. You didn't deserve to die the way that you did; especially because it was his fault, a true accident. Something that he would never forgive himself for, for as long as he lived.

You were his person, the love of his life; the first woman he's truly loved in a long time. Someone who, after years of struggling, finally let break down those walls of his that he had spent years and years working on in order to protect himself from further hurt. Before you, he had told himself that he was done with relationships, done with romance in general; he didn't really see the point as all of his romantic ventures always ended up just like this. But for you, he made the exception; being solely your friend was something he just couldn't do anymore.

After years of pining after you and finally being able to call you his, it was now a Catch-22 for him. He could either have you be brought back to life and no longer have you in his life or you would be dead and gone for good, still no longer having you in his life. But maybe, despite not having you in his life, this was the best-case scenario for you. Not only would you be alive and well, but you would be able to live your life in safety and without the previous traumas of the hunting life you were so privy to.

With a small sigh Sam said, "Do it," almost responding through gritted teeth.

"You know the deal," she smirked. "Pucker up Buttercup."

Present Day...

Sam's alarm went off the same time as it normally did, and he quickly shut it off, softly groaning. Today was the day that he had been dreading for weeks, although he had been mentally preparing himself. At this point, he thought that this would become just another average day for him to get through, a day that he would slowly forget over time; but this day in particular had become so ingrained in his memory that he would not be forgetting this day any time soon: your birthday. He had spent countless birthday's with you, before and during the time that the two of you were together.

Sam was never really a person that liked to celebrate his birthday, it was just another day for him. But when he met you, he learned to appreciate every single birthday, especially because of something that you had said to him. "It's another year that I can celebrate being alive."

Sitting at the edge of his bed, he rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the sleep from them. Sighing, he got up and started making his way into the kitchen; and much to his surprise, his older brother was already up making breakfast on the stove, a fresh pot of coffee already made on the counter. "Good morning Sunshine," Dean grinned, as he slowly worked on the scrambled eggs before him.

"Morning," Sam replied, his voice monotone. He walked over to the mugs, grabbing one and sighing as he examined it. You had given him his mug.

Dean looked up, noticing the slight hesitation in Sam's movements, and saw the mug that he was currently holding. Fuck, I forgot to hide it today, Dean thought to himself. "Give me that mug will ya? I'll put it some place else."

Sam looked over at his brother, continuing to hold the mug in his hands as Dean held out his hand to take the mug. "It's fine," he replied, pouring the coffee into the mug before sitting down at the island. "You know what today is right?"

"Y/N's birthday," Dean said, as he started making up the two plates of food. "I uh, I tried making the eggs the same way she would make them in honor of today."

"Thanks," Sam said, taking one of the plates from his brother. "I thought I'd be over this by now," he confessed. "It's been what? Four years."

"Sam, she was in our lives for six years," Dean began. "I don't expect you to just get over it," he stated. And he really didn't, Hell, even he wasn't completely over it. Although he didn't have the same relationship with you that Sam had had, he deeply cared for you. You were one of his best friends, someone that he considered family, and you were gone in seconds. But despite losing you and hurting, the hurt that he felt was extremely different compared to that of Sam's hurt. You were the love of his life, the first woman that Sam had let himself love in a long time. He loved you more than anyone, and you were ripped away. "Did you want to do something for her birthday?"

Sam shook his head. "Honestly no," he said, his voice a mixture of tired and defeated. "There's no point if she's not here. I just want to work."

"Are you sure?" Dean asked.

"Yeah," Sam confirmed.

"Well, in that case, if you're up for it, there seems to be something that might be right up our alley in Kansas City," Dean said, sliding the newspaper over to Sam. "Five runaways have been killed in less than one month at the same shelter."

As Sam examined the news story he raised a brow. "Y/N's shelter," he commented, sliding the paper back over to his brother.

"Shit," Dean said, "Sorry, I had no idea," he lied. "I can uh...I can call another hunter to go and check it out or I can always bring Cas or Jack along instead."

"No, no. I'll go," Sam said. The last thing he needed was for Jack or Cas to accidently say something to you; at least Sam knew better not to say anything.

"You gonna be okay?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I gotta be," he responded.

"Perfect! We leave in thirty!" Dean smiled, as he clapped his hands together.

In the next chapter...

“It’s better this way. She’s…she’s not in danger anymore,” Sam said, his voice defeated. He was miserable without you, but you being safe was all that mattered to him.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @beansproutmafia @queenie32 @deanwanddamons @missy420-0 @octoberclidan @kidwhofixates @syrma-sensei @k-slla @justletmereadfanfic @deans-daydream @fuiabarcelos @foxyjwls007 @missscarlettangel @crystal555 If you'd like to be added to a tag list please follow this link

[thedeviltohisangel]

Angry Confession #8 for John and Cas

ANGRY CONFESSION BLURB PROMPT ERA

8. “Tell me how I’m supposed to un-love you, then. Tell me. Spare me.”

a little tease of the wisconsin fight i have been screaming in DMs with @gloryofroses19 about...

also. this might get it's own multi-page interlude and read slightly different. cass might get on that forced march and it won't read exactly like the blurbs. my muses have a mind of their own and i don't try to reel them in. if you ever have a question or wonder how i might see something differently with hindsight, please always reach out!

AND. writing this broke me.

The silence was deafening as Cass felt his words snap across her face. She almost wishes the pain was physical instead of the emotional torment that he was inflicting upon her. At least then she would know how to heal. She would know how to proceed. At least then she could find the courage to fight back and gain control of whatever storm was brewing between them.

"All I know, Cass, is that I want you to be happy. I want you to be free and safe and experience everything life has to offer. I'm not the right person to ensure that for you anymore. I'm not the right person to live life with you anymore. I'm not the right person to," he paused and choked on the words that were tumbling out, "bring home to South Carolina and...you deserve a better man to have children with."

"Don't you dare," she practically spat as she pushed off the wall and took an angry step towards him. "Don't you dare fucking say any of that, John." The letter that caused all of this was still clutched in his hands. She wanted to burn it. She wanted to go back in time and never write it.

"Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that you haven't noticed how fucked in the head I am. That you haven't stopped sleeping because you're afraid of what I've become at night." His eyes were looking at her wrist. Imagining the way his hands had wrapped around her delicate skin with malice as his nightmares had blurred his capacity to distinguish the past from the present.

"I love you. I love you so much it hurts me and that is the only thing I have been certain of for a very long time." Her fingers wrapped around the footboard of the bed in his childhood room. There was so much of him ingrained in these walls that it was dizzying. She had been giddy upon their arrival to Wisconsin, anxious to see him reunite with his mother and sisters. Anxious to get him back to his roots in the hopes it would heal the uncertainty that had settled over him since the morning after Gale's wedding. "You are exactly the man I want to bring home to South Carolina. Exactly the father I want to give my children. Exactly the person I want to experience everything in life with. All the pain and all the happiness. None of it means anything without you." She took another step but he stood and she paused.

"I'm setting you free. Free from me and this marriage and all the memories of what happened over there that I keep drudging up for you."

"I don't want that," she cried. "I am not asking for any of that!"

"Someone is going to make you so happy one day." His hands were shaking and he knew he needed to leave this house before he could let the tears in his eyes fall. "Someone who doesn't have demons in their head. Someone who doesn't have blood on their hands and doesn't have to worry about staining you when he holds you."

“Tell me how I’m supposed to un-love you, then. Tell me. Spare me," she yelled as she found the courage to hit him in the chest. "Tell me how you expect me to move on from our nights in the flower field and how I am supposed to pretend that London meant nothing to me and tuck away everything that happened in Germany into a box. No one else will ever understand me, John. No one is ever going to make me feel a pin prick of what you do." She beat her palms against his chest until all the anger left her chest and she collapsed as it was replaced by despair. He let a tear drop onto the carpet next to her.

"I love you, Sp-" He stopped as the term of endearment tried to slip out. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. John stepped past her and stood in the doorway, not flinching when he saw his sisters scurry into their rooms. "One day, when you hold your precious child and don't see any of me inside of them, you'll know we are doing the right thing. And I just know you are going to be the best fucking mother in the entire world." Oh how he had dreamed of watching her become a mother. Watching her with their baby. Their baby that looked like a perfect combination of the two of them and was a physical embodiment of the love they had for each other. How he had spent the sleepless nights in Germany thinking of their names and how they would feel on his tongue. Cass was, is, a deity. She would be raising angels in her image and he couldn't not taint them with the horrors that lived inside of him. Couldn't risk any of it seeping into them.

"It won't be worth it without you," she mumbled as she stared where he had been in shock. "Life without you won't be worth living." If he stayed any longer, he'd never be able to leave.

So, without a glance back, he stepped out of the room. And down the stairs.

And into the night.

[youtellmeman]

Boyfriend! Lo’ak headcanons

All under the cut

Rated E

Fucking menace holy shit

That rumor that guys are annoying when they like you it’s cause of him

Absolutely the worst before y’all started dating his great idea to getting your attention was being annoying

This in the end like most of his shenanigans back fires so bad it’s sad cause it just leads to you ignoring his ass and then he wants to act butthurt

“Why are you ignoring me? :(”

Eventually tho he does figure out that he has like court you properly with gifts and compliments and just being nice

Sucks ass at it tbh feel like he gives the worst compliments totally on accident

“Don’t worry I think it’s cute how bad you are at weaving.” Smiles dumbly at you “You think I’m bad at weaving???”

Once you’ve fallen for him tho it’s a wrap magically gets smooth as fuck it’s wild

Knows just what to say, how to act, everything

Def a level 10 clinger

Always with you doesn’t matter if your busy he’ll just sit there and watch you

So touchy like he always has a hand on ur waist, messaging ur shoulders, tail wrapping around ur leg

Despite his recklessness with his life he is the exact opposite about you

You wanna come on one of his adventures with him, nah. You decide to do something reckless without him knowing, fattest scolding known to man

Literally the exact copy of how his father can be sometimes

Don’t tell him that tho cause he will be butt hurt about it for ages

While he might be reckless with his life he'll never be reckless with yours so be ready to get told no A LOT

you wanna go with him on one of his adventures, no. You wanna go on one of your own, no. You wanna go hunting by yourself, nah.

So protective im telling you and with being protective comes, you guessed it, jealousy!

Most jealouse mf in the world im not gonna lie to you

Like he's so used to neteyam getting what he wants while he gets in trouble for shit that once he has something of his own he is not letting go

PDA king for the sole reason that he needs everyone to know they can't have you

Someone hitting on you, he's coming up to you and just enveloping your mouth in a kiss until said person walks away

Hungry kisser for sure. Kisses like he needs you to live and it never fails to leave you breathless

the type to have you pinned against a wall, or tree if we wanna be accurate, and still pull ypu in by the waist

Theres never gonna be a time where he doesn't follow your lips when you pull away

Hands are very much everywhere he can reach like its rare that kissing him doesn't lead to something more unless its a quick peck

Loves to just plant himself in front of you if your seating and demand that you play or do his hair

Falls asleep like that incredibly often

Snores im so sorry

Mf could shake down a house with his snores if he's really tired that day

Runs hot so dw about sharing blankets in bed

Downside is he does have sweaty hands like you gonna have to pull away sometimes to air dry

Sucks at cooking but still tries cause he wants to be romantic, he almost burns ur hut down and its decided he doesn't cook anymore

wants to be ur big strong man he will hold anything and everything for you, and then will burn red if you notice

"What would i do without you and your strength to help me gather things hmm? " "I-uh-i dunno." Pink as hell

—————

A lil appetizer for before I upload part 2 of my lo’ak series

[roses-for-readers]

Concerned Guardian ~ Tsu'tey x Reader

Warning: Fluff, Tsu'tey being worried about you (aww), small moments of doubt.

Synopsis: After leaving for a hunt, Tsu'tey asks Neytiri to check up on you. After talking with her for a while, you decide to have a conversation with Tsu'tey.

Masterlist

It had been about a week since I had gotten hurt. Tsu'tey was being really sweet and caring as the time progressed. He always made sure to change my wrappings daily and would get me fresh fruits every morning. He was even helping me strengthen the muscles in my back through daily stretches to help with the healing process. Though, he always made sure I wasn't pushing myself too much.

This morning he was getting ready to go on a hunt with some of the other warriors. I was currently sitting on the floor, having healed enough that it doesn't hurt much anymore. Though I still wasn't able to move my arm as much, I decided to weave a basket to try and work on regaining a bit of mobility with it.

Tsu'tey came over to me as he was about to leave. Kneeling down beside me, he placed a gentle hand on the side of my face. I looked up at him to see a slight look of concern in his eyes. He had been hesitant about leaving me for the day, but I told him that I would be fine for one afternoon.

I gave him a smile as I place my hand over his. Leaning in, I placed a small kiss on his lips. "Tsu'tey, I promise that I'll be fine on my own. You go and enjoy the hunt today. Nothing is going to happen to me while you're gone."

He let out a small sigh at my words. Leaning forward, he place his forehead against mine. His eyes were closed as he began to speak quietly, "I just worry you might need me while I am away. You have yet to be by yourself since you got hurt. I don't want you pushing yourself while I'm not here."

"I promise that I won't do anything too extreme. I'll just sit here weaving until you get back. Now go before they leave without you." Giving him one final kiss, I gently pushed Tsu'tey away with a smile. He gave on in return as he caressed my cheek before finally going to leave.

I watched him leave, sighing softly once he was out of sight. Turning my attention back to the soon-to-be basket resting in my lap, I began to weave. Though I was going a little slower than I liked, I knew it was just because my arm need to strengthen the muscles again. Plus, the bone was starting to set like it was before breaking.

I had been weaving for about an hour when I heard someone climbing up the tree. Placing the basket to lay down in front of me, I carefully stood up to make my way towards the entrance. As I got closer, Neytiri had made her way into the hut. As soon as we made eye contact, she smiled before making her way over to me.

I laughed lightly as I pulled her into a big hug. She was careful wrapping her arms around me, but returned it with similar enthusiasm. "I'm so happy to see you, Neytiri. How have you been? Is Jake doing alright?"

She pulled back in order to look at me, keeping a hold of my arms to not full break the contact. Neytiri continued smiling as she spoke softly, "I have been well. Jake is doing better after resting for a while. He is actually supervising training today. How are you? Do you need to sit down?"

"I've been sitting all day so standing is actually a nice change of pace. What are you doing here? I wasn't expecting anyone to come over."

"Tsu'tey actually found me before he left with the hunting party. He asked me to check on you to make sure..." Neytiri's voice slowly faded as her eyes went to trail down to my arm. She moved her hand to grab hold of my shoulder as she looked at my throat. Her expression was hard to read as Neytiri continued to remain focused at the necklace Tsu'tey had give me. I began to get nervous as she continued to say nothing. Finally, a small smile broke out on her face as she whispered, "You agreed."

After that, I was wrapped in a tight hug being rocked back and forth gently. I laughed in relief, happy that Neytiri was excited for me as well. Holding on to her, I sigh before a confused look crossed my face. Pulling away enough to look at her, I was quiet as I asked, "You knew about it?"

Neytiri remained calm as I waited for her answer. She had a gentle smile as she ran a gentle finger across the beads. "Of course. Tsu'tey had asked Jake if he could court you beforehand to get his blessing. He even asked what colors you liked so he could make your gift. Oh, Jake will be so happy to hear this. You are in good hands with Tsu'tey. I promise you that (Y/n)."

I smiled at her words, touched by how thoughtful Tsu'tey had been before he decided to court me. The fact that he went to make sure Jake was willing to agree that he was a worthy person made my heart feel warm.

Neytiri rubbed my arm as she hesitated to ask, "Have you made tsaheylu yet?"

I gave a small shake of my head at her question. "No, we agreed that we were going to wait until I got well enough. He wants to do it properly and so do I."

She gave a thoughtful hum at my response. "That is a very good idea. Tsu'tey probably wants to prove himself as well. Show he that can provide you and the family you both might have one day. He has already given you the home to do so. He wants to make this perfect for you so you will still accept when you do make tsaheylu."

I smiled at the thought of Tsu'tey trying so hard to prove himself to me. He had already put so much thought into be a good partner, I couldn't even begin to imagine what he would be like once we finally mated. Bringing my hand to my neck, I slowly fidget with the arrowhead as I continue thinking.

Moving back towards the basket I had previously forgotten about, I motion for Neytiri to sit with me. Bringing the basket back to my lap, I begin weaving once again as we just enjoy the company of one another. I begin to hum a random melody as I got to be about halfway done.

"Have you thought much of the future?" My hands stop moving at the sudden question. I look over at Neytiri in confusion, not fully understanding what she meant. Noticing my expression, Neytiri was quick to explain, "Have you put much thought into what will happen once you have mated? I know it is much to think about, but you need to imagine your life far into the future. Mostly for if you will want children or not. Tsu'tey has been keen on becoming a father for a long time. If you don't want children, you need to speak with him now so that he knows beforehand."

Letting out a sigh, I put the basket off to the side. Reaching out, I place a hand on her arm. Looking deep into her eyes, I make sure to keep my voice soft, "Neytiri, I promise that I will talk with him. And I have thought about what you have concerns about. Believe me, I know how serious the situation is and I'm not taking it lightly."

A look of relief crosses over her face at my words. She pulled me towards her, giving me a small hug. Wrapping my arms around her, I rub her back as we sit in silence. For a while, we just hold one another before we hear some noise coming up the tree. We both pull away as we wait to see who it was that was coming to visit.

Not a minute had passed before both Tsu'tey and Jake had made it into the hut. Jake was the first to see the both of us, a wide grin on his face as he walked over to us. "Well if it isn't my two favorite girls! I'm so glad that we found you. Who would have thought we could find the both of you here."

I give Jake a confused look, wondering if he thought the statement through or not. Looking over at Neytiri, I see that she has a similar expression, though hers also has a hint of disappointment in it. Leaning over, I whisper in her ear, "Remember, you chose him out of everyone else that was available."

She let's out a sigh as she nods her head. "Believe me, I know."

Jake comes over to us with a curious grin on his face. Sitting down in front of Neytiri, he looked between the both of us while asking, "What are you both talking about?"

I shrug my shoulders as I look back over at him. "Nothing important." Turning my attention to Tsu'tey, I notice he had moved to put away all his gear and whatever he had brought back. I sent him a small smile as he started to walk towards us. "How was the hunt?"

Tsu'tey gave a tight lipped smile as he looked down at me. Giving a small nod, he sat down with the rest of us. "It went very well. The clan will have enough meat to last for sometime. Were you alright while I was gone?"

I gave a small nod in return. As I opened my mouth to ask some more questions, Jake interrupted me. "What's on your neck?"

I give him a look of disbelief as I sarcastically respond, "A necklace. You're just now seeing it?"

Jake looked at it for a long while, before turning to Tsu'tey. He has a stupid grin on his face as he looks between the two of us. "So, you finally decided to tie the knot huh?"

Leaning forward, I hit Jake's forehead with a small hiss, "Don't say it like that you idiot. And it is none of your business."

Jake backed away with a surprise look on his face. He held on hand up as he leaned away on the other. "Hey, you don't have to be so rude. Also, I feel like it is a bit of my business considering that you're my sister, (Y/n). I already knew anyway, I just thought you would be able to take a joke about it."

"I'm sorry, Jake. I must have left my humor back up in the tree." I gave a small glare towards Jake, though it's contrasted by a playful smile on my face.

"I said I was sorry! Can't we just move past that?" He had a pleading look on his face, though I knew he wasn't being serious. I shook my head with a small eye roll. Seeing my reaction, Jake smiled as he moved so he was sitting upright again. Placing a hand on my knee, his tone was still playful but mostly serious, "Honestly though, I'm glad that you are feeling better. I felt really bad about what happened."

I pushed his hand away with a grin. Picking my basket up once again, I returned to working on it. "I'm glad you're fine as well. But next time you have an idea, stay out of trees."

Jake laughs a bit, but nods his head in agreement. Neytiri smiles a bit as she pulls me into a sideways hug. "We should be leaving now. We will see you both again once you are completely well (Y/n). Have a good night."

Though he hesitants, Jake stands as well to follow after Neytiri. He ruffles my hair as he says his goodbyes. Once him and Neytiri had finally left, I reached out to place a hand on Tsu'tey's cheek. Looking into his eyes, my voice is soft, "I'm glad you're back home now. It felt too quiet until Neytiri had come over."

Tsu'tey grabbed my hand as he turned his head, placing his lips against my pulse point. Getting up for a moment, he comes to sit behind me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, Tsu'tey rested his chin on my shoulder. I smiled a little as I brought a hand up to rest on the back of his head. Turning slightly, I gave him a peck on the edge of his lips. He hummed in disapproval as he brought his hand up to turn my head enough for him to place his lips directly on mine. He kept me like that for a moment, slowly pulling away while maintaining his hold on my chin.

Letting out a small sigh, I lean back further into Tsu'tey's hold. I close my eyes as I begin to think about what Neytiri had spoken to me about earlier. Deciding that now would be the best time to bring it up, I break the silence while keeping my voice as calm as possible, "Tsu'tey, I think we need to have a talk." I feel him give a small hum in encouragement, ready to listen to whatever I was about to say. Taking a deep breath, I decided to just get to the point. "Do you want to have children one day?"

I felt him tense slightly as he hears my question. Tightening his hold around my waist, he let's out a quiet sigh, "I have... thought about the idea of having children."

"That's not what I asked." Opening my eyes, I move around in his hold so I can look at him without straining my neck. Resting one of my hands on his shoulder, my voice is firm as I repeat myself, "Do you want children, Tsu'tey?"

His ears pinned back as I ask him the question again. He refuses to meet my gaze as I wait for the answer. After a minute, Tsu'tey slowly nods his head. He was barely able to let out a whispered, "I would like to."

My heart broke at the sight of shame he held in his eyes. I gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze to encourage him to look back at me. But he closed his eyes instead, not wanting to see my reaction. I huff softly as I rest my head on his chest, listening to his rapid heartbeat. Thinking for a moment, I finally muttered, "I want at least two. We could always have more though if you want."

Tsu'tey's eyes widen in surprise as he looks down at me. His mouth is open but no words come out. I raise my brows with an encouraging grin as I wait for him to finally speak again. Slowly a wide smile spread across his face as he gave a small laugh. Leaning down, he began to leave kisses all over my face. Starting on my forehead, moving to my cheeks, leaving a few soft pecks on my nose, before finally leave a deep, passionate kiss against my lips. Leaning further into the kiss, a soft purr made it's way through my chest.

Reluctantly, he pulled away, both of us gasping for breath. Pressing his forehead against mine, his voice was soft, "I'm happy that you feel this way. You have feeled my heart with those words alone. I cannot wait until the moment I can make you my mate, Ma'(Y/n)."

My cheeks darken at the endearing name he called me. Moving my arms around his shoulders, I give him a loving hug while rubbing his back. "I can't wait either. I see you, Tsu'tey."

I feel a purr vibrate throughout his chest at my statement. Gripping onto me tighter, Tsu'tey rocks the both of us back and forth. Placing a soft kiss on the top of my head, he stayed like that as he move a hand to rest on the back of my neck. "And I see you, (Y/n)."

~Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait for part 2. I am planning on working a bit on the Mansk series that I am writing, but I do plan on writing other oneshots or mini series as well to be a bit more active. Feel free to request anything that you can think of or if you want a part 3 where they mate. Otherwise, I have a few ideas on some things. Have a great day!

[andromedawillburyyou]

(Go to part one y'all go go go, this is the continuation)

Part 1 Part 2

His voice playful and deep like a purr makes you gasp as he kneels down and puts your thighs over his shoulders, he looks at your white panties that are now grey because of your wetness, teasingly he slides his index finger over your panties from your hole to your clit and looks up to see a reaction, your eyes roll of pleasure but you manage to talk "B-be careful, it's the first time someone else touchs me" he reassuringly kisses your left thigh "Don't worry love, gonna be careful, it's my first time too anyways" Jungwon says sweetly taking your panties off, he stares at your pussy, shining because of your slickness, and he licks his own lips, testing he puts two fingers inside and you moan "You sound like a kitty in heat, how much did ya wait for this, hm?" he doesn't expect an answer, he knows you can't talk as your head is empty, just the pleasure that blinds your mind, he scissor motions those two fingers and groans, can't wait anymore with how tense his dick inside his clothes feels and he takes his fingers out of your tight hole, you moan at the emptiness as he stands up and unzips his pants, then lifts you up with zero effort, he puts your back against the cold wall, you wrap your legs around his waist as he takes his dick out of his clothes, he looks at you, moves your hair out of your face and kisses your forehead, you smile at the cute action "Tell me if it hurts, gonna take care of you okay?? don't be tense, I have read that it hurts less when you are relaxed" now he pecks your lips and starts teasing with the tip of his cock up and down, from your clit to your hole, you whimper at the contact and try to bring him closer by thrusting your hips, but he just keeps teasing at an even slower pace "If you want it inside you must behave my dear" he says with a hint of playfulness in his voice and just when he ends the sentence, he puts it inside, you moan at the sudden feeling of fullness but of pure pleasure, he makes you feel so comfortable that it didn't even hurt, and he kisses your lips softly as he starts moving inside of your warm walls "Fuck, you feel incredible" he assures lovingly as he starts thrusting faster and deeper, reaching your sweet spot, your moans now deserve a place on a pornographic movie and you wrap your arms around his neck, immediately you start to pull at his mullet trying to hold your moans back but he just thrusts even more deliciously as he looks directly at your eyes "Want me to keep going??" he asks as you immediately nod, too focused on the pleasure to even form a sentence, but he just stops and with one finger he lifts up your chin "Answer me with your voice doll" you whimper and however you can, you talk "Yes, fuck yes Jungwon I need you to keep going" "As you wish" now his hips move slower but deeper and with more experience than before, not long after that, you start feeling that familiar knot in your stomach and start meeting your own hips with his, trying so hard to reach your high, he repeatedly hits your sweet spot as his hands hold your hips so hard it surely will leave marks and finally you orgasm, he keeps going until he feels like he is about to cum and just then he comes out, jerking off over your thighs at an inhuman pace to cum all over, painting your thighs white and some even is at the walls of the cubicle, he breathes heavily and starts to clean you up "You did so well my dear" he tells in a breathy voice as he lifts you up to put you on your panties, then he washes your face and kisses you on the lips as you both start walking out of the place, the movie has ended long ago anyways.

[mrmustachious]

Masterpost

Another year of Whumptober has come and gone and this is my sixth year as a completionist! Once again this year has been a blast, and I managed to reach 52k out of my 60k goal I set for myself, so I'm happy with myself! Now onto the masterpost of all the fics I wrote for this month!

All warnings are inside each fic!

9-1-1: Lone Star

4. Dancing Lights. Hallucinations. There are consequences to getting knocked out by a shovel.

16. Decay. Wound Cleaning. Carlos is struck down by an infection that is growing deadly.

Thunderbirds

1. Race Against. Race Against The Clock, Search Party. They knew that time was running out to find him.

2. tell me that you'll catch me. Trust Issues. Trust does not come easy when all you've known is hurt.

3. Life's A Game. Set Up For Failure. The air was expelled from his lungs as he hit the dirt. “Ow,” he mumbled as he rubbed his sore side and pushed himself up. “No fair.” “Life isn’t fair, Gordon.”

5. If My Pain Will Stretch That Far. "If my pain will stretch that far.". He thought he could go on a little longer, but he went too far.

6. Wear Your Helmet. Not Realising They're Injured. Safety is the best accessory. Don’t forget your helmet!

7. Know Your Own Strength. Magic With A Cost & Alt. Friendly Fire. Virgil forgets just how strong he is. That isn't a good thing.

8. Eyes Open. Forced To Stay Awake & Alt. Shivering. John has to make sure his brother doesn't fall asleep, but that's easier said than done when said brother just can't keep his eyes open.

9. Murder Party. Obsession, Bruises & Alt. No-Holds-Barred Beatdown. Whilst Lady Penelope is hosting a yacht party, she gets an unwanted guest.

10. Blow To The Head. Blow To The Head, Slurred Words, "I can't think straight.". His head hurt. Where was he?

11. Convenient. Convenience Store, Loneliness. He was lying in the middle of the street. The asphalt was rough underneath him. It was really quiet. He glanced around further, and his gaze fell on the upturned vehicle.

12. Bones. Starvation. He didn't need help.

13. aAsWlAeKeEp. Multiple Whumpees. Scott shot up in bed as he abruptly woke up. What had scared him so much?

14. Forgotten. Left For Dead & Alt. Forgotten. He had been forgotten.

15. i am still a child. Childhood Trauma. A rescue hits too close to home.

17. Shipwrecked. Shipwrecked & Alt. Survivor's Guilt. Gordon reacts to the hydrofoil crash.

18. This Is Not You. Revenge, Loss of Identity & Alt. Regret. He could no longer take the pain of it anymore. Seeing him there, in the same house as him, under the same roof. It wasn't fair for him to be in this pain whilst he walked free.

19. Hunted. Blood Trail, Abandoned Cabin, One Way Out. Virgil cast his eyes over his brother, and saw the blood-soaked bandage wrapped around his leg. Scott was already pulling the emergency medical supplies from his own sash, and Virgil did the same. “What happened?” Virgil turned to his injured brother as he handed what supplies he had to Scott who was starting to peel the soggy bandages back. “Someone shot me.”

20. Don't Cry For Me, Baby. Emotional Angst, Giving Permission to Die. She just had to hold on until her babies were safe.

21. Let The Bedsheet Soak Up The Tears. “Let the bedsheet soak up the tears.”. He just hurt so much.

22. m'sorry. Bleeding Through Bandages, Tourniquet, "Oh that's not good.". Do not go into the darkness.

23. Don't Believe What The Papers Tell You. Forced Choice, Public Display, Broken Pedestal. It was all over the news. He was a failure. He had failed. And now his brother had paid the price.

24. Fall.. Equipment Failure. The very thing that was meant to save them had failed them.

25. The Only One For Me. Being Monitored, "It's for your own good.". No one would take him away, not if he could help it.

26. when I close my eyes, it's there waiting for me. Nightmares. It gets you every night.

27. Laboratory. Laboratory. Gordon wakes up on an operation table.

28. Kiss And Don't Tell. Denial, Exposure, "They caught me red-handed." & Alt. Secrets Revealed. A brother's trust is tested when one man comes between them.

29. Stars At Their Feet. Fatigue. "Do you want to talk about it?" "Not really."

30. What Have I Done?. Recovery, "What have I done?". Gordon is hanging out with his new friends during his recovery, when everything goes wrong.

31. I'm Not Okay, And That's Okay. Asking For Help, Therapy, "I'm alive, I'm just not well.". He stepped out into the light.

[bluelolblue]

In Sickness and In Health

Sumarry: Santino got hurt, has a bullet wound, and John, as his husband, is doing everything for him. Helping him with the wound, taking care of him, making him dinner, and breakfast in bed. Being the best husband. And Dog is there for Santino, too.

Rating: Mature/teen, hurt/comfort, fluff, just them being loving husbands

Relationship: Santino D'Antonio/John Wick

Note: I had to write something and post it, I HAD TO I can't take it anymore! I finally finished this (it's the WIP whenever), and there is NO smut for the first time!! This is actually wholesome, not horny :]. And Dog is there, too. Loving husbands Santino and John and I will write more about them being married. Oh and I made a little list of fics I want to write a while ago and this was there "Married John and Santino" but I can't find that post rn but it's here somewhere lol. I decided to post this here and on ao3. I hope yall will enjoy this! <3

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The last few weeks have been extremely exhausting for both of them. Santino had a meeting after meeting, in different cities and even had to fly back to Italy for few days. While they were just meetings and business talk, there were few times when a squad was sent to kill them.

So, John had to take over. He succeeded in protecting Santino every time. Until this one time when Santino actually got hit, however it was just a flesh wound on his left arm, the bullet brushed off, luckily it wasn't anything serious.

But the wound cleaning still hurt.

"Take it easy... I told you to focus on breathing, okay?" John said as he cleaned the small bullet wound on Santino's arm. Santino was pale, unconsciously breathing a bit heavier from the pain and exhaustion. "I am. It's not like I got shot at." Santino huffed, glancing from his wound to John. "You're pale." John noticed, analyzing Santino's expressions. He can read his body language easily, Santino can't fool him.

"I'm tired and it hurts. Of course I'm gonna be pale." Santino rolled his eyes in annoyance. John thought it was cute. When Santino gets needy and bitchy with him, he doesn't mind it. He really tries to comfort him when he's like this, and his success in that depends on Santino's mood.

John hummed in a soft tone and pressed a kiss on his forhead. "I'm sorry it hurts." He murmured. Santino sighed, not in his usually annoyed way, but in a tired way this time. It breaks John's heart to see him like this, every time he's like this John tries to make him feel better by doing whatever Santino wants.

Not only Santino was exhausted from everything, he got a high temperature. A result of all this. John knew that could happen, he experienced it himself many times. He takes some painkillers and he's good for few hours. Now he has to see if that will work for Santino.

He just finished with wrapping a bandage over the wound when he felt Santino's forhead. "You got a fever, too." John pointed out. "Do you want me to bring you pills-" as John was about to offer some more, Santino cut him off. "I don't need anything. It'll pass just like always." He winced as he stood up so sudden, his arm still ached.

"Santino. I promised to take care of you. I vowed it. Remember?" Of course at their wedding they both vowed to protect and take care of each other till death tears them apart. It's such a beautiful memory. Of their wedding.

Santino's expression seemed to soften, he's aware that John just wants best for him and he is kinda, still, pushing that help away. He's not used to someone caring for him in that way, to be loved like this.

He's still learning. Trying to allow himself to be finally loved.

"Of course I remember." Santino murmured, "I remember it very well." He didn't look at him, too embarrassed because of his moody behavior. "Then let me take care of you." John said, getting in front of him and gently holding his shoulders.

Santino can't reject his husband. He's just too sweet and caring.

"Fine." Santino sighed, looking down before John gently pulled his chin up so they look at each other. "That's what I wanted to hear." John kissed his forhead, but he got quickly nudged down by his tie so Santino can kiss him.

"And I'd like a painkiller." Santino murmured. "Of course, darling." John smiled.

He loves this about John. His loyalty. It's beautiful. How are people even capable of being this loyal?

Assassin and a Crime lord. Bogeyman and Camorra prince.

Santino's gonna need something more than just one painkiller since he's not used to this. His body isn't. It's not even a big wound but it still hurt and felt uncomfortable.

John offered another pill that can help get the fever down, but he knows that won't be enough. It's been already twenty minutes since he finished treating Santino's arm and he's not looking like he got any better.

"Are the pills gonna start working soon or?" Santino asked as he leaned against the recliner and sighed heavily. "They will, just give it some more time. Do you need anything else? Hungry or do you need more water?" John asked, gently rubbing Santino's thigh in a comforting way.

"No..." Santino replied, closing his eyes. "You have to eat, though. Surely, there has to be something you'd like to eat now?" If he wants to regain some of his strength, he's gonna have to eat something. As far as John remembers, Santino only had coffee in the morning. That's it.

"I feel nauseous... I'll just shower and try to fall asleep." Santino was about to stand up when Dog trotted to him and wagged his tail as he whined at him. Santino smiled tiredly at him and patted his head, Dog leaned his head against his palm even more, looking right at him in a sympathizing way.

"Well... I think even Dog agrees that you should eat. You only had coffee in the morning, I don't understand how you can go through the whole day on just that. That's not good for you, for your health."

They had this talk before, "You can't live on one cup of coffee." The talk.

And he can't. Santino is aware of that. But, it's like he's refusing to help himself. So, John tries to do that for him. Try to let him know that he has to help himself and that it's okay to ask for help. Ask his husband for help.

"John, please, I just want to rest already-" However, John had to cut him off there. "I forgot to mention that I can smell cigarettes on you. As much as you try to cover it with mint or extra cologne, it's still there, the smell of smoke." Ah, so John caught him after all.

Stress awakens some unhealthy cravings in Santino. Smoking and drinking an extra glass of wine or whatever they have. However, smoking is the overpowering craving. Even before their marriage, Santino admitted that he wants to stop. And it was the first time he asked John for help.

The progress they made with that was pretty good. Yes, he was restless and in a horrible mood all the time because he needed it, but with John's help he managed to get that craving under control. John also praised him every time, "Good job. I'm proud of you." Followed by a kiss on his lips, cheek or forhead.

And now... that progress went backwards.

"I..." Santino started but couldn't find the words so quickly. He couldn't look at John. Couldn't look at his puppy eyes, his empathic eyes. He was too ashamed.

"I just had few. I needed to calm down after all those stupid meetings and calls with those old fuckers who think they can control everything when they want to..." just as Santino was talking about this, he himself probably didn't notice that his voice was getting more and more shaky and that he was slightly trembling.

"Hey, hey, darling... it's okay, don't upset yourself- I'm sorry I brought it up." John cupped his face, making Santino, finally, look at him. He could see how Santino's eyes were watery and it hurts him every time he sees tears in his eyes. Santino doesn't have to cry, doesn't have to let his tears fall, but he can have that exhausted, sad, fighting back tears look.

Santino took a deep breath in and exhaled heavily, placing his one hand on top of John's. "You don't have to apologize, mio caro. I'm sorry. All the progress we made... I ruined it all." Santino was keeping eye contact with him, meaning he really trusts him. To see him this vulnerable.

"I just wanted to feel better- ah..." Santino wanted to reach out for him with his wounded arm but because of a sudden movement, it hurt him and he winced. "I know, darling, I know." John murmured softly, pulling him into a gentle hug, avoiding his hurt arm and letting Santino cling onto his shirt.

"Take it easy. Our progress isn't ruined. You still want to stop, right?" John asked softly against his ear. Santino nodded slowly against his shoulder, "Yes. I want to stop." Santino whispered. "Good. I'm proud of you. Thank you for telling me." He went over Santino's hair with his fingers. That's something that Santino adores.

It feels so good to him, it relaxes him.

Santino pulled back enough to kiss him, as in saying "Thank you."

Dog jumped on the couch next to Santino, lied down and rested his head on his thigh. "Oh, bello..." Santino chuckled softly at him, patting his head and seeing how Dog wagged his tail. "Sei così carino, proprio come il tuo papà (you're so cute, just like your daddy)."

John had to chuckle at that, Santino often talks to Dog like that. Calling John and sometimes himself, "dad" or "daddy".

To be fair, this is literally Dog's family. Santino and John.

John pressed a kiss on Santino's head, making him laugh a little. It's a beautiful noise to John. To hear Santino laugh. He wants to make him happy.

"So... will you eat something for me and Dog? I can make whatever you want." John asked that again, caressing Santino's head, going over his fluffy hair.

Santino hummed softly before answering, "I can't say no to you two." Finally. He wants to help himself. That earned him two more kisses on his cheek.

Santino remembered how John makes perfect waffles. It's like John's specialty. "Can you make few waffles?" Santino asked, and he sounded so shy and innocent. "Of course I can. Anything for you, darling." John said.

It was getting a bit late, but no matter how late it gets, John will make those waffles for him.

While he was making them, he glanced at Santino and Dog, seeing g how Santino was patting, snuggling and murmuring something in Italian to Dog. It was cute to see them like that.

"Here you go, love." John said as he placed the plate with freshly warm waffles. "Thank you." Ah, they smell amazing and it was then when Santino realized that he's actually hungry. Of course, Dog started whining, begging just like always whenever they're eating. And it's John's fault he got used to it since he always secretly gives him a little piece of anything he's eating that's not sweet.

Santino's arm hurt each time he moved it, nerve and muscle damage most likely, and John offered to cut the waffles for him. It was a bit silly to Santino but he accepted his help. Watching TV and keeping Dog next to himself as Santino was finishing, he would glance from time to time at Santino and smile.

"You got a little bit of syrup on your face." John said. "Huh, where?" Santino asked, already trying to wipe it off with his thumb. "Let me." John leaned to kiss off the syrup that was on the edge of his mouth. "Here and..." another kiss but on lips, tasting the sweet maple syrup. "Here."

Santino could feel himself blushing, that was absolutely hot and cute at the same time. "Fuck..." Santino breathed out, looking down as he tried not to make it obvious how he was blushing. "You taste sweet like this." John winked playfully. "You're the reason I like maple syrup..." Santino said shyly. "I know." John said proudly. When John first time made pancakes with maple syrup, Santino was positivity suprised how good they tasted.

"I wanna shower now." Santino said as John went to put the plate into the sink. "Alright. Do you need help?" John asked.

"I, um... no, I think I'll be fine." Santino replied, sitting up and feeling his shoulder from his wounded arm. "Okay. If you need anything, I'll be in our bedroom."

And so John waited in the bedroom while Santino showered. Or tried to shower. The water getting over his wound was making it burn and since he still had a high fever, the water felt cold. "Cazzo." he would groan from time to time and what freaked him out was a little bit of blood mixed with water dripping down his arm.

"John. I think I need some help." He called out and just like a dog called to heel, John rushed to the bathroom. "Yes, darling?"

"It burns when the water gets on it..." Santino said, looking at his wound. "Alright, let me help you." John knows how to do this. "Shower with me, so you don't have to later." Santino smirked a little, whenever he gets a chance to flirt even just a little bit, he takes his chance. "Do you really need my help or you just want to see me naked?" John chuckled, already taking off his shirt. "Both." Santino replied, glancing him, his body. They both worship each other.

John was avoiding the wound as he carefully poured water over Santino's shoulders. Trying his best to not get much water on it. He's gonna have to disinfect the wound again, anyway. "Thank you, bello." Santino told him after few minutes. "Always, darling." John could feel how Santino's body was warm, hear him how he whimpered from time to time because his whole body was aching.

He's gonna give him a massage tomorrow, his body needs rest now.

After the shower, John helped him dry around the wound area, "I have to clean the wound again. Just a little, okay?" John said softly, watching how his husband tensed at that. "Okay."

Santino was patient, mostly because he's really tired and was ready to pass out in the bed. "Good job. You're handling this better and better." John praised him as he wrapped a new bandage over it. "Yeah. I'm just tired." John could tell just by his voice how exhausted he must be. "Alright. You need lots of rest." John said and pressed a soft kiss on his neck.

It took some time for Santino to fall asleep because he couldn't get comfortable. He would usually sleep on his left side so he faces John and now he couldn't. Dog also joined them, sleeping by their feet, mostly now on Santino's side as if he could feel that Santino wasn't doing the best.

John caressed Santino's waist, his hips as he tried to relaxe him as much as possible. And it worked. Santino finally fell asleep and John could relax now, too.

However, during night Santino would often sigh or whimper whenever he tried to move in his sleep. John would make soothing noises each time and kiss his head, "Shhh, you're okay, love." And it seemed to calm him down.

It was a little bit of a restless night, but when they have each other, everything seems easier.

John was the first one to wake up, just like always, but he was just chilling next to him, browsing on his phone as he waited for Santino to wake up.

An hour passed and Santino sighed as he switched to lie on his back. "Good morning, darling." John greeted with a kiss. "Morning." Santino replied tiredly, caressing John face and wanting more kisses.

"How are you feeling?" John asked. "Still tired. I think I don't have a fever anymore." He was right, when John felt his forhead, he wasn't warm like yesterday. "Yeah, it's gone. One problem less." He chuckled and held his hand in comfort. "You can still rest if you want to, honey." John offered. "No... I have to get up, I have a lot to do." Santino said and started to get up but John had other plans.

"No, I'll do everything you need. You still need rest." There was no point to argue because John wouldn't give up and it feels nice to not sit by the table and make calls and do contracts all day. "If you insist." Santino smiled tiredly. "I do." John replied.

Santino pulled him into a long kiss, cupping his face. He really needs rest and he has John who can help him with that.

"I love you." Santino said softly, gently stroking John's face and looking into his eyes. "I love you, too." John kissed him again, both humming softly into the kiss.

"Coffee like usual?" John asked after the kiss. "Yes, please." Santino smiled. Coffee is a must in the morning. "Any wishes for breakfast?" John asked. "Pancakes. But Europe ones." European style pancakes are his favorite for breakfast. "Of course."

John actually likes to serve him. So, this isn't a problem for him. Any chance he gets to do anything for him, he's doing it.

And now it was Dog and Santino again. Santino smiled and patted a spot next to him for Dog to come and he happily did. Snuggling against him, wagging his tail and licking his hand. "I know, bello, you're the cutest." Santino murmured to him, rubbing his chest as Dog lied on his back. Santino chuckled and continued to scratch Dog's belly and chest and Dog was loving it, panting happily and his tail never stopped wagging.

And then the face kisses Dog wanted to give him, "No, bello, we talked about this." Santino chuckled and tried to hold him off, but he managed to get licked a little. "My arm still hurts, you know." He smiled at him, scratching his head as Dog finally calmed down and was looking at him.

Dog whined and licked his hand as if in apology.

"Ah, so you two are cuddling, hm?" John brought breakfast to Santino in bed, this isn't the first time he has done it, and Santino loves it every time. "Yes, we are." Santino glanced from Dog to him. "Ah, they smell lovely. With chocolate spread?" Santino asked with a smile. "Your favorite." John replied.

He called Dog off the bed to give Santino peace while eating. "I love you so much, I thought we ran out of it." Santino said as John placed the platter in front of him. "I always make sure we have it." John ruffled through Santino's hair. "And coffee, of course, let me bring it."

He brought their coffee, placing one cup on the night stand next to Santino's side. "I could get used to this." Santino said as he took a bite of a pancake. "I don't have a problem with that." John said and sat next to him, enjoying his coffee. "How's your arm?" John asked softly, looking at the bandage and it seemed that the wound stopped bleeding. "Still hurts. But a little less than yesterday." Santino replied. "That's good. It'll pass eventually." John rubbed his thigh, seeing how Santino smiled at him.

He loves seeing him smile. He would kill anyone if it would make Santino smile.

Dog peeked over the bed and whined. "Ah, what did I do to deserve you two?" Santino smiled softly at Dog and John. "Do I deserve this?" Santino asked. "You deserve everything, darling. Everything." John said gently, kissing his cheek in comfort. "Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Because they will end up with a bullet in their head."

That got Santino laughing a little, which made John smile.

"I would kill for you. You know that." He means that every time he says it. "Yes, I know. And I would kill for you, too."

They are really ready to do anything for each other. Married, they are unstoppable.

Everyone will know about Santino and John Wick D'Antonio.

Note: Thank you all so much for the support! It means a lot, and I appreciate it! I love you all! 💙

[codenameredkrystalmatrix]

Emotional Breakdowns- Pillarmen Headcannons

In your moments of vulnerability, they'd care for you in their distinct ways.

Santana

He's seen this coming a mile away. Your shoulders are tense, your breathing has gotten heavy, and you've been stomping up and down the place for the past two weeks. He's come to understand that killing problems doesn't exactly work in this time, so he waits until you're ready to face things.

He analyses quickly, and can easily find at least six possible approaches to the problem within one minute of hearing it. But those solutions often come before you're quite done working through your emotions. But Santana is nothing if not adaptable, so he gets much better with time. And if you just need a shoulder to cry on, he can do that too.

"As long as my presence helps, I will stay with you."

Wamuu

Did he act dishonourably to you as of late? He would never do that. He was sure there was no tension between you two directly, but there was still something wrong. He'll try to ease it out of you every minute you're alone together. If there was one thing he could tell about someone, it was when they were coiled to strike. It isn't healthy to stay like that for too long. It wears on weak and strong spirits alike.

At last, he offers training together- it's helpful to him, after all. But it doesn't go as well as it normally does. Your form is off- you can't focus-every punch becomes less coordinated. You eventually fall to the floor, a mess of sweat, tears and many different kinds of pain. He kneels, kissing the top of your head and kneading your shoulders. He doesn't understand why human interaction has to become so complicated (or how to best navigate it), but he can be there to see you through it. He and his all-encompassing hugs.

"You will overcome this, little warrior."

Esidisi

Your snappishness and irritation hurt him deeply. Where is his ray of sunshine? Why won't you talk to him? He tries so very hard to get you to open up, eyes brimming with confusion and pain. And when you see his genuine concern, you can't hold it back anymore. You pace, shout and go on righteous rants about the situation together. There's no need to explain what you're feeling. He understands, and doesn't feel for you, but with you.

If your final release needs to be through crying, he becomes the most affectionate of all. He'll wrap his arms around you and kiss every tear of yours away while his own flow down your skin. You've both...just about forgotten you needed to deal with the problem, but that will get done another day. In that moment, you're being cuddled as Esidisi does everything in his power to see that smile again.

"My light, let me bear your pain."

Kars

He gets irritated. You both came to the understanding that communication was needed for this to work. Why weren't you upholding your end of the bargain? But he restrains himself. Humans are delicate creatures- his love even more so. He can be patient.

Once you're ready to talk to him, he clears his entire schedule to ensure you're watched over by the only one he trusts to do so- himself. After letting you cry as much as you needed to, he sits with you and methodically runs through what comes to his mind. Some of his solutions are...less than ethical, to say the least. And it gets exhausting for you to think through them all. But as a way forward reveals itself, relief replaces the fatigue. At the end of things, he spoils you with the best gifts money can buy.

"I will not have you managing such things alone, beloved.