#i need some destiel in s14

[antigonewinchester]

ooh share something about hesitation or triptych? <3

I will self-indulgently to do both <3

Hesitation but IC is inspired by a Destiel fic called, surprise surprise, Hesitation, written by apokteino, who I think was a fairly prominent fic writer back in the day? She had a series of dark Destiel fics, including Hesitation, the Bone series, the When series, and most infamously With Understanding. I find her work interesting intellectually, in her focus on exploring questions around sexual violence, relationships formed under duress, and the complexities of perpetrators & victims & their dynamics, but it feels like she maps her ideas onto SPN rather than centering canon characterizations or dynamics (at least in my read of the show/characters).

So, I decided to try my hand at a fic with the same premise but more in line with canon, particularly taking into account Cas's control/power over Dean in S4 (and which I don't feel is negated just because of Cas's sexual inexperience, altho it does add some complexity) and Dean's full experience in Hell. Part 1 is from Dean’s POV and Part 2, which I’m currently working on, is from Cas’s:

“You told me Dean wanted to have sex with me. He did, and then he didn’t.” Zachariah and he are sitting at a bar in New York, the city. It’s night, but he can’t see any stars, only the glowing of offices and apartments and advertisements against the sky. One large, flashing sign reads: Open Happiness. The moon is a cut of pure white. The humans around them talk and whisper, blissfully ignorant of the angels and the war they’re fighting to protect them. Their breath forms clouds that rise to disappear into the dark. All are dressed in what he believes are fancy clothes, long flowing red fabrics and unwrinkled suits of black, but he’s no longer sure how much he knows about humanity. Zachariah shrugs. “Humans say they want one thing, then do another, and Dean Winchester is no exception. This is why they need Heaven’s hand, Castiel.” The woman sitting to his left laughs. The man she’s talking with has taken her palm and put it up against his. Her fingernails had been carefully painted in stripes of white and black.

Triptych is sort of the opposite end of the spectrum, in that it’s my attempt at a Dean/Jack fic after looking on AO3 and finding... 2 decent fics of the whole bunch.

I started out as just wanting to do Dean/Jack during S14, but its slowly turned into Dean/Jack in the aftermath of Dean/John, probably in part 'cause I started writing it in the midst of Utena rewatch, which all about memories & cycles & incest & eternity (and then when I got to the part of S14 where Dean suggested locking himself in a coffin for eternity to save the world...) I was also struck by a post of someone discussing a common Utena interpretation that one character didn't actually want to sleep with her brother, but the poster asked if she did, would that desire negate any harm? Does wanting something "bad" mean you can't be hurt by it? If a relationship was both meaningful & hurts you, how do those elements go together?

Got a bit stalled out on this one because Holy Shit the emotional complexities here, and I want to handle it respectfully? Not be gauche? My plan is to have it all lead up to 14x20 and Thee Dean Jack Moment, re-contextualizing it within the scope of my fic, but I'm still figuring out what it all... adds up to, I suppose. (Also that I'm bad at writing character being mean, and Dean has to be mean in this fic, at least for parts of it!)

Heaven turned out to be the world’s best movie night: his favorite memories playing over and over and over again. The road trip where Sam introduced him to Harry Potter and Dean taught him how to read a paper map. He could rewind and play through his favorite five minutes as many times as he wanted. He could make everything faster or slower, which was funny for a little while, but he stopped after it got weird, like when he repeated a word too much and suddenly something would change and it wouldn’t be a real word anymore, just meaningless sounds. He could change from memory to memory in an instant, if he really wanted, but mostly he liked to let them play out before he moved onto another. And once he got to end, it was back to the beginning: a conversation trailed off or a lesson finished and then he was back at the start, to Cas’s reassuring smile, telling him about mistakes and guilt and forgiveness, or Sam’s bright concern, telling him how to take a punch, or Dean’s warm hand on his back, telling him where north was. The one thing he couldn’t do was imagine anything new. He tried, at first, in the memory of that day with Dean, how their conversation at the river could have gone—Dean’s voice low as he’d whispered, “Come here,” and then—and then—but it never worked. Guiltily he’d moved onto other memories, and at least they were too the same: if he'd ordered a hot dog, all he could eat is a hot dog; if Sam and Dean had driven past the apple orchard on a hunt, there was no turning down the short dirt road to pick fruit instead.

[lab-trash]

Hi, pinned post time, after like literally four years.

Name: Conner (that's Connor with an e)

Pronouns: They/Them

Fandoms: LREF, Stranger Things, It, Supernatural, Psych, Red vs Blue (up to S14)

Ships:

My ships and headcannons (LREF/Misc.),

Steddie, Byler, Jargyle, Ronance

Reddie, Stenbrough, (moderate Stan and/or Bill x Mike enjoyer, don't actively ship them)

Destiel, Sabriel, Klarker

(Shassie; don't actively ship it, but enjoy content for it)

Grimmons, Tuckington (Carolina x Grey enjoyer, Churboose enjoyer; don't actively ship them though)

Side Blogs you may know me as: @im-not-a-l0ser , @anime-related , @lab-of-trash-prompts

AO3: lab_trash

While I'm a mono-shipper, I really have nothing against multi-shippers. However, if I'm talking about a ship, don't bring up another ship including one of my ship's characters. You're just going to make me uncomfortable and, frankly, annoyed. And I'm sorry about that.

Polls

Polls are put up to hear the opinions of other people In the fandom. Even after a poll is complete, feel free to comment or reblog with your take/opinion on it.

Where is Centium City (complete)

Who partakes in weed (complete)

Bree Substances (complete)

Kaz Substances (complete)

Skylar Substances (complete)

Oliver Substances (complete)

Chase Substances (complete)

Marcus on the Elite Force (complete)

Marcus in my LREF rewrite (complete)

Oliver's Superpowers (complete)

Lab Rats MPREG Storyline (complete)

Fics

Quite frankly I can't list all my LREF fics here, so here's a link to that specific section of my AO3. Or, if you prefer just Mighty Med fics or Lab Rats fics.

But here are some of the ones I'm proudest of. The title link will have the AO3 link, and the chapter numbers will have the Tumblr links.

The L in LREF Stands For Leo: Prologue, Ep1,

Villain Arcane: Chapter List (Prologue + 10 Chapters)

(No) Thanks For The Memories: One-Shot

How Tecton Came Out: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Please leave comments, any and all feedback

Prompts

Here are some of the prompts that I've written! Like it says in my bio: all prompts are up for grabs, just credit me when you write it.

Fandom Neutral Prompts

Near Death Experience Prompt

The Kook and The Cop

Oblivious Friends (need more of this)

LREF Masterlist

Supernatural Masterlist

Stranger Things Masterlist

(For fandom neutral prompts, check out my side blog, @lab-of-trash-prompts)

Misc.

Confused about my profile picture? Don't worry, it's confusing. Here's where it came from.

Send me questions reguarding my ships

[verobatto]

"You loved me, but in your heart there's something else before me."

How season 14 is Foreshadowing the Destiel talk

Hello my dear fandom, I rewatched properly the last episode, and I have to say... Many things had been written... And I was looking for Cas again... And hell yeah he was everywhere again!

This is another romantic post bc the last episode was talking about love all the time WRONG TOXIC LOVE AND TRUE AND REAL LOVE.

Let's see...

The talk? The moves?

Ok, we had innocent Jack asking this two question, he is ignorant about flirtation or love, so he is there with the best teacher: Dean Winchester.

This two questions caught my attention bc is reflecting what we were waiting since season 12 and more in season 13 to happen: THE TALK and THE MOVES.

The last episode (Nightmares Logic) we had Mary mirroring Cas all the time, and this particular conversation with Sam about how to talk with AUBobby. So I was thinking, are they Foreshadowing a real Destiel talk? And now after watching this episode I must say... Yes. They are.

This two specific terms... THE TALK and THE MOVES, are two things that Dean and Cas should finally do. But... What is blocking them to do it? Ok.. let's find out...

Dean thinks Cas doesn't love him in that way.

Gif credit @archangelgabriellives

And this fe

Gif credit @littlehobbit13

I had to put all this entire scene bc... Ok look at this, that's what Dean thinks about how Cas feels about him... Why he thinks Cas doesn't love him in the same way?? CAS already told him he loves him, but it was confuse, that time in the barn it was confused, Cas didn't get the words wrong but the attitude, he said "I love you" to Dean and immediately he turns to Sam and Mary and said the same line, SO DEAN THINkS CAS LOVES HIM AS FAMILY.

Since then, we had increased and failed intentions of talk. Dean closed more inside, repressing more and more his feelings, showing the "no homo" attitude he always had with Cas. And the fears.

Son in this scene we see how innocently, Jack describe the way Harper looked at him, "She was looking at me with those googly eyes" and Dean trying to cut "that crap" bringing reality to the topic "She is not in love with you" and "That's not how it works."

... this isn't enough to Dean. To Dean LOVE IS MORE THAN THAT. Love is DEEPER, AND CRAZY, AND SUFFERING, AND HAPPINESS, AND AND... Damn...

Dean is accepting he's in love. That he loves a man, Cas. He is in knowledge about this. He is learning to live with it... But he's struggling all the time inside beacuse of this, so things like googly eyes, or like hooking up (as Roweena and Gabe did) or even he hooking up with random waitress... "That's not how it works." He's talking with authority here, bc he knows what is truly love someone. And the following scene here...

Gif credit @mishalocked24

... he is showing us a lot but... Did you stop just a second to see... How Dean is talking about the "L" while smiling (thinking about his love) with that goofy smile that we make when we think about our love interest??

HE IS TALKING ABOUT THE "L" WORD PEOPLE!!!

And he is saying that Love is crazy, being in love is to be crazy, is loosing control of yourself, is doing crazy things. You are not thinking bc you are crazy for that person. He's the professor here, my friends.. he is TALKING ABOUT THE L WORD BC HE IS ACCEPTING THE LOVE IN HIS LIFE. THE LOVE HE FEELS FOR CASTIEL.

Harper as a mirror of Dean's journey in love.

"She is bad luck."

Ok, when I heard this, I said, this is Dean. Is Dean!! He feels HE IS BAD LUCK BC EVERYTHING HE TOUCHES IT BREAKS. Every single person that came to his life, that was part of his family, died. As Crowley said once.. he is bad luck. ANOTHER IMPEDIMENT TO SHOW HIS LOVE AND TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH CAS. He feels he doesn't deserve this, bc he is bad luck.

After this we were introduced into Harper's department... And it was so so Dean's inner desire of being loved! First of all, there were GREENS COMBINED WITH BLUE IN EVERY WALL. (Dean and Cas) and a red heart, and a legend: "Amore" love in Italian. And a blue couch in front of a red couch. And the bedroom was all in green and on the bed there were stuffed animals, so so innocent look about LOVE, so princess like. Waiting for being loved.

And I thought, this is Dean's head about love. He WANTS TO BE LOVED IN THIS INNOCENT WAY BC HIS HEART IS PURE AND INNOCENT as I said bf in my other metas.

Now... Here comes the spec and the sadness...

Foreshadowing the Destiel talk (again) and perhaps... A possible lovers separation.

"He left? Without you?"

And then I heard Jack saying this meanwhile Harper told him her love story. And I was like... Ok... What is this... And my mind, immediately, run with this...

Gif credit @hunenka

Mary... Mirroring Cas... And Dean saying goodbye to her and wishing her happiness... But this is not all the thing...

Sam was trying to convince AUCharlie to stay in the bunker bc "people needs people", and bc Charlie was sis u're of leave, Sam throws this line...

"Don't go"

So I thought... Another foreshadow!

Then yes we are having foreshadow for the Destiel talk but for a lovers separation too?

Now that I accepted my love for you...

And we had that zombie (Vence) in red too, representing Toxic Masculinity, and wrong love, and old Dean all at once (as was with all the monster we've had so far) and Jack trying to convince Harper that he was her true love. And Dean talking with this zombie telling "This is not love!" Ofc it isn't Dean! So kill your toxicity right now!

And then was Harper again, dressed in green... (New Dean, healing Dean) writing a love letter to her true love (Jack) and I saw this with hope in my eyes... But then i payed attention to the song that was playing...

"We are from differents worlds,

We travel for two differents path,

You loved me but in your heart

There's something else before me.

If we can't live together

Is better to live separated.

You'll go your own way, and I'll go mine.

The two of us starting from zero."

Sorry if the lyrics are wrong I translated from Spanish to English but the message is the same and it's clear... It talks about two lovers that must be apart... And IDK why yet but something is telling me that, there will be a Destiel talk... A blow out and a goodbye, be happy scene...

I hope this isn't going to be for ever... And just some episodes bc we need Dean and Cas to be happy, but if they are separate from each other... Well... They are not gonna be so...

And this is related too with the TV guide resume from Byzantium (14x08) where Cas goes to Heaven doing an enormous sacrifice... I was talking with @gneisscastiel about this and she has such interesting spec about this!

Ok... This is it my friends... I know, I know... This is a little sad but... Let's be positive and let's imagine Destiel becoming canon through this! Awwwww I need so much a huge and strong Destiel scene!

Oh! Aaaand all the parallels with the first encounter with Cas will be written in other post!

I like to put my ideas I diferentts meta and focus one by one! But I think you already know that. 😉

Ok... Tagging some friends here..

@emblue-sparks @mrsaquaman187 @magnificent-winged-beast @cheerstofandomfamily @evvvissticanteand everyone who wants to discuss!

Buenos Aires, Novembre 17th 2018 2:23 AM

[scottstiles]

how and when will i ever get over the fact that all of my favorite shows have ended or will probably end with my best friend soulmate otps never being together despite writers blatantly telling us in the nth hour that they were supposed to be together all along ://

[verobatto]

season 6: cas, get out of my ass

season 14: cas, get in my head

[verobatto]

Ok... I want the Destiel Talk... But I don't want a break up turning point

So I just rewatched the episode, it has boxes, and captured people, and locks as I said but it also has this...

Two women (Dean's mirror) talking about their break up with their love interest... And with the turning point coming soon...

Maybe isn't a good turning point after all, by the contrary... Is an ugly, disappointed, and angsty break up of Dean and Cas ...

Time to kill myself.

But hey! I will throw on the table my other spec again! Maybe they are talking about 300th episode, in which I presume Dean never went to Hell and Castiel never rescued him, that kind of broken Profound Bond??? Yes please?

@emblue-sparks @mrsaquaman187 @agusvedder @cheerstofandomfamily @magnificent-winged-beast

Save me from my own brain! Please!

[naruhearts]

This visual narrative continues to stress me out :p

[mad-as-a-box-of-frogs]

what is the deal with jess mason?

Okay, I’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet, because there’s just so many ways Jess has pissed people off over the years (some bordering on the absurd) that I could never possibly cover it all in one short post. I’m sure many people could add their own personal encounters with her. The paragraphs below have sources in the underlined text. 

Long story short, Jess was a Big Name Fan for many years, predominantly went by ibelieveinthelittletreetopper here on tumblr, got popular mostly because she wrote for the fan site The Mary Sue and would periodically interview cast and writers (like at SDCC), and more or less imploded that popularity somewhere around s14 (personally, I dropped her after she made a 10x21 post explaining why Charlie’s death Wasn’t Bad Actually, so that should give you some idea of what she’s like). I can’t remember exactly the order of events, but it can essentially be boiled down to her badmouthing the fans that saw destiel as something that was being intentionally written in the show (and hey, we were right!). For most, though, the final straw is when her post-SPN Finale article dropped, where she compared fandom finale conspiracies and people trying to make sense of it all to right wing nutjobs Qanon. Pissed quite a few people off with that one. And yet, as much as Jess constantly shits on spn fandom and seems to have nothing but disdain for us, that hasn’t stopped her from trying to make a quick buck at out us whenever possible (see her typo-riddled book and now the upcoming podcast).

Jess has kicked up quite the reputation for herself outside of SPN fandom as well. She wrote an entire ass article wherein she complained about lesbian stairway sex on an episode of Wynonna Earp being unrealistic, prompting thee showrunner of Wynonna Earp Emily Andras to fire back with  “ If you have plausibility issues with sex on stairs I have some sad news about immortal cowboy demons.” Jess tried to defend herself, ending up bemoaning the fact that a “straight woman [had] come in and devalued criticism from a queer woman” except, whoops, Emily Andras is bi. (tweet from an earlier date). Emily Andras would later quote a tweet asking to start a fight with five words or less with “Reunion stair sex: implausible, uncomfortable.” I apologize for going on and on about this, I just think it’s the funniest thing to ever happen on the bird app. This isn’t even touching the people she pissed off by defending The Magicians after Quentin’s death or whatever squabble she got into with the Good omens fandom. 

Now with all that being said, I need to make it clear that Jess’s bullshit goes beyond bad fandom opinions and internet squabbles and people finding her annoying. She wrote an article on sex workers using plagiarized research where she used tweets of real sex workers that ending up getting doxed, has been called out by her former coworkers at the Mary Sue for her antiblackness and her tone policing on racism, argued against a black female James Bond, and as Stichmediamix pointed out in this great rebuttal article to Jess’s ‘Fandom Conspiracies are just as dangeous as any other” article, has a disingenuous response to fans in SPN fandom as opposed to her compassionate attitude towards fandoms that have a well documented history of harassing Black Actors. There’s definitely a pattern of troubling behavior here, and I don’t bring any of this up to make light of it or treat it the same as fandom squabbling, but to impress upon you that many individuals have real reasons to be way of her. 

So there you have it, anon. TLDR: Jess Mason is annoying and racist and has pissed off most of spn fandom at one time or another. 

Thank you to Mel @lets-steal-an-archive for all of these sources. Her archiving skills are unmatched, and I’m eternally grateful, especially since I have a mind like a sieve. 

[verobatto]

Thank you @mittensmorgul ! Such a positive meta/answer!!! I needed it!!

Destiel relationship development is shown each time Cas dies. #1 he explodes and dean is bummed. #2 the leviathan drag him into the water. Dean takes the coat with him and has a quivering lip bobby-“you just lost the best friend you ever had” #3 dean fights like hell to find him in purgatory and cant contain his joy when he’s alive #4 died in s12 Dean couldn’t even function Had no faith, wanted to die. Destiel is a fricken slow burn but its sure as hell burning! We’re on the right track!!!

OOH. But I have some addenda to this:

1. He explodes (in 4.22), Dean is bummed in 5.01, but also angry and inspired to fight in Cas’s name (*blasts Zachariah with a banishing sigil* Learned that from my friend Cas, you son of a bitch.)

2. He explodes again (in 5.22), and Dean is distraught, but his problems are only escalating. Lucifer/Sam kills Bobby a moment later, and Dean’s still gotta stand up to FUCKING LUCIFER so this is no time to break down and cry, you know? And by the time Sam takes back control and flings himself into Hell, Dean’s got… nothing, and then Cas comes back, heals him and Bobby, and then flaps off again. But Dean’s made a “dying wish” type promise to Sam to get out of the life, to get out of hunting, and live normal… so he lets Cas go… (WORST. PROMISE. EVER. oh my god, I’m still bitter over that.)

3. in 7.01, it looks like Cas is dead for a hot minute right after he returns the souls to Purgatory. Dean looks like he’s gonna cry, and then miraculously, Cas resurrects (again!) This is about the most painful thing in the world, because he gets to be alive for like… three whole minutes before…

4. in 7.02 the Leviathans walk him into that lake and explode him… This is the first time Dean wonders if Cas really isn’t gonna come back, you know? He had THREE TIMES before this, but as the days turn to weeks and Cas isn’t back, he’s got to be wondering. Except… through that whole time, through that long string of stolen cars, during a year when Dean had just about everything (including his own identity) stripped from him HE STILL CARRIES CAS’S COAT WITH HIM. *cries forever about a desperately-in-need-of-laundering overcoat* (come on, you know that thing was drenched in Dean’s tears, okay? he cried A LOT in s7))

5. Purgatory. and then everything AFTER Purgatory, through brainwashing (a kind of death of personhood) right up through 8.23  and “So, what, ET goes home?” and just *rips out own heart because it hurts less*

6. Not really a death, but in 11.01/11.02/11.03 when– despite the terrifying and unknown threat of the Darkness– he’s still primarily driven by worry/fear over Cas. He knows Cas is in trouble, and in 11.01 his primary reason for wanting to kill the “zompires” and escape the hospital is so they can find and help Cas. This only gets more intense as…

7. Post 11.14, when he learns that Cas has been possessed by Lucifer. Finding and Saving Cas becomes Dean’s ONLY mission for most of the rest of s11. Sure, Cas isn’t dead, but HECK, you know?

8. 12.19/12.20, Dean’s terror that Jack has “done something” to Cas, and rendered Cas unable to assert his own will, brings back horrors of s8 when Cas was being controlled by Naomi. Leading us up to the horrific angst of…

9. 12.23. This was the first time that Dean had seen Cas die by angel blade. This was the first time he’d seen Cas with the full burnt-out wingprints. Somewhere deep down, Dean knew this was different. This wasn’t something Cas would just miraculously pop back from. God wasn’t answering the phone anymore, and Dean had no hope that Cas could come back from this. He burnt him.

This was the first time he’d had a body to burn. The first time he’d had to wrap Cas and build a pyre and watch him burn. “What’s burned stays dead.” (which is such a disturbing thing when we’re talking about the slowest of slow burns here)

Until it doesn’t.

But yeah, Dean was ready to die in relatively short order when he thought Cas was gonna be gone for good. But then he came back… and not everything is all just hunky-dory, but heck… at least he’s back.

And now it’s Dean who needs saving from Michael, very much like Cas needed saving from Lucifer in s11. It’s time to see this situation reversed.

[reddieandwaiting87]

Top 5 most cringeworthy Dean scenes?

Sorry for the late answer anon but you sent me so many of these and I don't wanna answer them all in one go.

Top 5 most cringeworthy Dean scene's.

1.) Number one has to be that god awful wire *fight* scene in the S13 finale. Singer and Dabb (pretty sure Jensen and Mark.P HATED that scene and didn't wanna do it.) Need to learn less is more and when you have a shoe string budget. Or no clue what your doing then don't do it. Some people where pissed Sam didn't get to kill Lucifer (big deal the bastard came back AGAIN cause Singer and Dabb are fucking idiots.) But I for one was more then happy for Sam to take a back seat.

Tried to find a gift of it but guess nobody wants that cringe scene to be remembered.

2.) Micheal!Dean and his peaky blinders outfit. God that freeze frame at the end of S13 so cringe. OK so not technically Dean but he was still in Dean's body. Just any scene he was in just so cringeworthy. Though his worst scene was with botox Danneel. (Jensen getting the main story line that season and his bimbo wife being given a part. Maybe Misha wasn't the only Singer kiss ass? Or Dabb and Singer playing favourites.) Two bits of wood trying to act so interesting.

3.) That *look at me bitch.* scene from S10 with Mark of Lame Dean fighting a vamp. I guess it's meant to be a badass scene and wow look Dean's so out of control. But Jensen's delivery of the line and the line itself just comes across as try hard and lame. The first time I saw that scene I rolled my eyes so hard. The ONLY good thing Mark of Lame Dean did was punch that Mary-sue Charlie.

I could watch this part all day. :3

4.) OK for this one it's not just one scene but more a thing they seemed to do with Dean and they thought it was *funny* and not just gross. Dean loves food nothing wrong with that. BUT why in later seasons did this grown ass man suddenly not be able to eat without food falling out of his mouth or without his mouth hanging open for all to see? Anytime Dean was eating I nearly had to look away. It wasn't funny it was cringe.

5.) Now this scene I think was in S13 or S14. I actual think it's from the same episode the gift above is from. God I miss the days when I actual remembered spn episodes instead of trying to forget them. ANYWAY back to the point. Sam and Dean are in a college and while Sam is busy working. Dean is too busy looking at all the girls around him. Now I'm not going to be like a Destiel twat during this scene and cry (like they did) how Dean is too old for them. Cause while that might be true. They just don't like to be reminded Dean likes WOMEN. But then they have Dean walking around while saying he can't control himself/is about to lose it etc etc cause he has all these women around him just comes across as pure creep. It was just too much.

That was another fun ask anon. Thanx again.

I will get to the others soon too.

Edit

Thanx @youdontcallmesammy

How could I forget the god awful cringe of this moment. This gets a special mention for ruining what was a good episode

[doctorprofessorsong]

Destiel fic recs

Fresh from the oven. The secret ingredient is cinnamon. Or love. Something like that.

Note, I previously released some of these as a WIP fic rec list if they sound familiar.

"Everybody Needs the Light" by opal_bullets (Mature, 46k) @asecretvice

Set in early canon, Dean is on the road hunting by himself. Sam is at Stanford and who knows where his Dad is. After a particularly difficult hunt, Dean ends up at a small lake motel, where he sticks around to heal and if it means he gets some extra time with the attractive guy who runs the place, Castiel, well that's not so bad either. 

You have to trust me that this is a canon adjacent fic because I don't want to explain more and give away the plot. But the story is a great mixture of mysterious, sweet and angsty. If you've read the author's more well known poet Dean fic,"And this, your living kiss," you may not be surprised to hear that this fic had a certain softness and vulnerability in its treatment of Dean and Cas. I love these versions of them. The story is really well-balanced between their relationship and the complex plot. It's one that you will be thinking about long after you close the tab.

"until the end and after" by Philyra912 (Explicit, 27k)

There are soft epilogues and then there is this. It's the softest and sweetest of epilogues. One year after a post-modified-finale, Dean and Cas have built a life together. They have almost everything they have ever wanted. Can they take the final leap?

What sets this apart? It's gorgeous and emotionally potent. There are passages that can only be described as breathtaking. It will soothe your pain after the way the show ended and you will be left with at least some of the promised peace. Don't believe me? Cas describes Dean's soul in the quoted passage below [SPOILER]

“I never grow tired of hearing your voice. But prayer isn’t a phone call, Dean. It is thought and feeling and faith freely given, and it is always honest. I miss it, knowing what you’re really thinking. I miss hearing the sound of your soul in my head.” 

“What’s my soul sound like?” Dean asks through the sudden dryness of his mouth, genuinely curious. Cas’ eyes go somewhere far away, 

“Like the Impala’s engine in the middle of the night on an empty highway, with Sam asleep against the passenger door. Like the lapping of water against the dock in your most merciful dreams. Like Jimmy Page on the guitar and the cocking of your favorite gun, and the song Mary used to sing to you when she put you to bed.”

More below the cut

"IPAMIS OL OLPRIT" by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 56k) @valleydean

Oh man, come with me on a journey through Dean's daddy issues. This one is cathartic and so so good. It's sort of like a Lebanon fix-it but it's more of an alternative story in which Dean has to deal with his dad and his childhood. 

Set in S14, Michael is amassing an army and searching for a weapon that will help him move forward with his apocalyptic plans. Heaven doesn't care now that Michael is minting new angels. The Winchesters are short on allies and at a loss for a plan.

That is until they discover that the weapon 1. Could take out Michael, and 2. Was previously in the custody of the Men of Letters and particularly John's father. Unfortunately, they can't recover the weapon without John's blood which requires bringing John back from the dead temporarily.

What follows is a pretty fun series of cases, some heavy repression and reversion from Dean who is terrified of his father's reaction to his angel Cas and his son Jack, and a whole lot of working through issues. You get established Destiel fluff and angst (and old married couple bickering), Sammy/John tension, and great dramatic beats for Mary too. My description makes it sound heavy and there are certainly heavy scenes and moments, but there is also humor and romance. Plus, some BAMF angel Cas. 

"Profoundly Different" by amireal and tiamatv (Explicit, 190k)

You ever stop in like chapter 3 of a 17 chapter story just to go yell at people to read it? This is one of those. Set in Season 4, this fic asks what would happen if Cas was given the Anna arc? The result is an immensely satisfying alternative story with a decisive happy ending.

This fix contains multitudes. You get rawer, punchier Dean and Sam. The brothers struggling to find common ground and trust each other. Struggling with each other's perspective. You get so much paternal, grumpy, pitch perfect Bobby. You get the highs and lows of the Ruby/Demon blood/Lilith arc. It's the best of S4. 

What changes is Cas and the Deancas relationship. Cas in this story saved Dean from Hell and then became human. I won't dig too deeply into the spoilers there, but the end result is two fold: 1. Cas is just slightly more like later seasons Cas. He has more context for humans. 2. The profound bond is central and leads to an earlier and stronger intimacy. It's a really phenomenal fic and you should definitely read it.

"Take Your Human Charge To Work Day" by FallenAngelOfThursday (Mature, 33k) @pointyearedelvishprincling

Something's up with Cas. Dean has noticed a shift in their relationship and he has no idea why. So he asks Cas to take him along on a mission he picked up on Angel Radio. Cas needs space, but he can't bring himself to deny Dean. Even if Dean's longing and repression, coming through loud and clear to the angel through prayer, are making life rough. And even if the mission would be a lot quicker and a lot smoother solo.

This fic has all the pining, all the poor communication, and all the repression. It also has all the intricate rituals to touch each other and heavily features Dean's love of dressing up his angel in little outfits (hee). I love them, your honor.

"The Return Policy" by aileenrose (Explicit, 10k)

This is one of those fics that I wish was an entire series. It's canon adjacent but an AU, if that makes sense. 

When a cute but dubious federal agent comes to the Rare Books and Special Collections Reading Room of the Library of Congress, Reference Librarian Cas finds himself intrigued. The mysterious man seems to be researching something more than the birds that he claims are of interest. What follows is a combination of case fic, intense Destiel, and third party perspective all rolled into one. It's entertaining and cute and will leave you wanting more.

 

"You Ran Off With It All" by omittedcastiel (Explicit, 10k) @omittedcastiel

Dean's attempts to bring Cas back from the Empty cause him to dredge up previously repressed memories of Purgatory. Thee DeanBenny fic plus some really touching Deancas goodness. It's hot and sad and sweet and ends up exactly where you wanna go. What makes this particular moving is the examination of faith and devotion. It's really beautiful.

"Shut Up and Dance, Dean Winchester" by Ailuromatron  (Teen, 8k) 

If you are looking for a quick little fic that is light and fluffy, this is your jam. Sam, Dean and Cas unwind after a case in Austin. Sam ships it hard in this one (and also is completely over the two idiots he has to share his space with). Dean is Working Through Some Things™️ okay? Setting it in Austin already makes it fun, but what makes this one a gem is the author's descriptive writing. 

Everybody Loves A Parade (Except Dean Winchester) by jujubiest (Teen, 2k) 

Why is this so cute. It's so cute, y'all. A short little fic where Dean runs a bar along the Pride parade route. He is selectively out but somewhat prickly about it all until a kid named Jack wanders in.

Also available in podfic.

"The Shawnee Trail" by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 166k) @valleydean

Two recommendations for @valleydean fics in one list? Yes and I'm not sorry because they are both amazing. This one is a Western AU and Baby Jack masterpiece. It manages to seamlessly blend canon and old Western aesthetics. I wish I had the author's skill for descriptive writing. The fic has a phenomenal sense of place and is unquestionably a labor of love. Additionally, I love the way Dean and Cas interact in this fic. Both so totally gone for one another, neither of them seeing that the same is true in the other. The love story is simultaneously an established relationship and a beautiful slowburn with a helping of angst (with a beautifully happy ending).

Ok, River, but what's it actually about? When secretive newcomer Kelly Kline dies in childbirth, local doctor Cas Novak is left with a newborn, a child he promised to deliver to grandparents far away. Accompanied by his maybe sort of boyfriend/roommate/friend with benefits/it's complicated, Dean, and his brother Sam, they set off to deliver the child to more appropriate caregivers. But things don't go as planned. 

 

"In this Louisiana bar" by fleeceframe (General Audiences, 8k) @tasteslikevelvet

S1 Dean is grabbing a drink in a bar (while my beloved Tigers play wooo) when a mysterious stranger in a trenchcoat walks in. A fic that asks the question: what would it be like if S10 Cas and S1 Dean met. It's really just a night where they interact. A character study (as opposed to something super plotty), but that is the appeal. Dean is so lonely. Cas is so devastated watching Dean lose pieces of himself. There is something really special about watching the two come together. It's really touching. A bit of a love letter to both characters.

(When I'm still alive underneath this shroud) Rain by Chaoticdean @bichaoticdean (Teen, 4k)

This is a beautiful and emotional little post-show (finale denying, we love to see it) fic. Partly hurt/comfort and partly just soft feels, Dean and Cas look at their dangerous life and ask: what's next? It's sweet and moving and has a certain deft emotional vulnerability that cuts deep. 

Didn't find what you were looking for? Check out my prior fic rec lists.

Destiel fic recs

More Destiel fic recs

And even more Destiel fic recs

[verobatto]

Ñññññ 😏

Ok... I know I have to calm down.. but it looks to me this is Profund Bond season, exposure true repressed feelings season... And I'm just screaming... 10 Years of Destiel... And the writers wants to talk about Destiel Hand print Mark again... I'm just...

Come on!.. I don't even know why my firsts analysis pre-season 14 were about Profund Bond once and once again... I just... Can't... This is sorcery! What are this people doing to me!??

Send help... Please... I don't want to... But I'm falling in Destiel hopes...

@emblue-sparks @gneisscastiel @mrsaquaman187 @silvie111 @lykanyouko @evvvissticante

[verobatto]

OMG!! 😵 @mrsaquaman187 @emblue-sparks

https://twitter.com/cw_spn/status/1055141873445027840

[tiktaalic]

hi sorry i’m so confused about the different eras (bedlund, carver, etc) and i feel like im missing out on some interesting discourse, would you mind explaining the eras and their differences? i would really appreciate it!

for sure!

kripke: showrunner for seasons 1-5. supernatural definitely at its #grittiest wrt stakes, color grading, etc. still preddy silly though! yknow my man eric. starwars in truck stop america. buffy the vampire slayer without women. the x-files but Scarier.

gamble: showrunner for seasons 6-7. sera's a little infamous for what went down on the magicians, which she showran, where to my understanding there was a m/m pairing and then the deeply suicidal one permadied to save his boyfriend or sthing??? idk i didnt watch it. sera was a 27 year old woman who'd been writing on spn since s1 when she was straight out of college so she's. interesting. Sera Fact: she said her approach to showrunning is to blow shit to pieces in the season finale and figure out how to fix it if they get picked up for another season. she's definitely a fan of a) the brothers. cas i dont care about you. b) grit and tragedy. she wrote some REAL famous deanpisodes from kripke era (dead in the water) (faith) (houses of the holy) which imo is why her seasons are such a drag. like in s6 everybody's miserable. no ones having fun. cas isnt there. same w s7.

season 8 carver edlund powerhouse: i will NOT say a word against her. was she messy. was she an oopsie baby. maybe so. best time of my life though.

jeremy carver: 9-half of 11. probably my least favorite era. the whole time i was watching it i was kinda waiting for the episode to be over. yknow. this is where the swallows a fly-ism of spn starts (villains are a direct consequence of beating a previous villain). idk. its just not my fave. i hate s9 when it aired. not enough cas. this is definitely the precursor to dabbification, imo, wrt lighting, plot, and characterization. this is when sam stops getting story bc they didnt know wtf to do in s9 bc they were planning on killing him in the s8 finale and getting canceled. oh and this was the last time they let cas look good. jeremy carver known fan of ripping cas's shirt off and covering him in blood.

dabb: last half of 11 - 15. the riverdalification of supernatural! there are 4 big cornerstones to dabbnatural to me. 1) dean sux 2) seasons incoherent seasons incomprehensible bc the writers team is SUPER diverse in what they're trying to do and dabb's like whatever do what you need to do as long as we're still working towards our Overarching Plot. like the three "main" writers are dabb, bobo, and buckleming which is just. that sure is a team of people who have goals. 3) plots are more insular, more character focused, than "we gotta stop the end of the world!!!" granted they're still stopping the end of the world in most of them but in like. very quiet ways. s11, dabb written dabb finale: dean gives amara family therapy. s12, dabb written dabb finale: cas's son is being born and he's fighting with the winchesters about it and everybody's stressed because the baby tore a hole in reality. s13 finale. dabb written dabb finale. idr like the actual plot but i know the Tension Point was dean saying yes to michael to save jack and cas. s14. dabb written dabb finale. MO. RI. AH. AHHHH. 4) destiel are married at this point in time. like s5? CHARGED. s13? there's no more CHARGE moments but they're raising a kid and dean tells bad jokes and cas rolls his eyes and sighs and dean calls cas on the phone to complain about his mom. sitcom destiel.

this is obv very subjective if u want a more objective summary / more info on any of this lmk!

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

Soft

A/N: This is for both the @spnfanficpond's S14 Weekly Episode Challenge, week 20, and also this month's Alpha Reader Program with @deanwinchesterswitch! Kym is a great Alpha reader, putting up with so much babbling of ideas with me!!

Summary: Chuck is depowered, Jack de-poofed Eileen and Y/N, and they all rescued Cas from the Empty. (The finale never happened fight me.) Now, with no more Big Bads on the horizon, Dean needs to figure out what his happily ever after looks like. Once he does, then he needs to go get it.

Pairing: Destiel x reader

Warnings: Pining. Idjits in love. Canon-divergent after 15x19. Fluff.

Word count: 4311 words

Prompt: "I'll stop talking." "Probably a good idea."

Dean watches her throw her arms around Cas’s waist and really snuggle into his embrace. It’s done. Chuck is depowered, Jack is in charge, Y/N is back, and now Cas is back. Everything is as it should be. Dean pats Cas on the shoulder, meeting his gaze with a smile he can feel is strained, locks eyes for a second with Y/N, and heads towards his room via the drink trolley. A little time resting in the only soft thing he’s ever been allowed to keep is definitely in order.

Sitting on his bed, back propped against the headboard and whiskey bottle in hand, he forces himself to consider everything he’s been trying not to think about for far too long. Cas will want to talk at some point, and Dean knows he can’t get it wrong. Well, no, he actually could get it all very disastrously wrong, but this time, he doesn’t want to.

And he has so very much to think about if he wants any chance to get this right. First, he needs to decide what “right” looks like.

If you’d asked him a few years ago what a good life looked like, he would have denied Cas’s place in it. There were just so many reasons why Cas couldn’t be a part of any picture he’d have painted back then. That was before, though. Before Cas told him, unequivocally, that he loved Dean in a way he thought he couldn’t have.

Maybe a year ago, if Cas had said those same words, Dean would have jumped into his arms and kissed the hell out of him. At that point, he’d finally admitted to himself that Cas was more to him. That Cas meant more than Dean’s fear of someone thinking he liked dick. Cas meant more than his hang-ups about how sex worked with a dude. Cas was more than a guy, and not simply because he wasn’t human. Angel or not, Cas was Dean’s person.

That was before, though. Before Mary died. Before Chuck had his little hissy fit. Before Dean acted like an ass… again. Before Y/N.

Now, Dean sits on his bed, not drinking the whiskey in his hand because he knows it won’t help. He needs to think clearly. He needs to decide how he feels. He’s loved Cas for years. But he’s beginning to think that maybe he loves her, too.

She appeared with the army of hunters that had arrived when Chuck opened Hell. She was relatively new to hunting, so when her partner died early on, she needed an experienced partner. With Dean barely speaking to him, Cas needed something to focus on, and he took her under his wing, so to speak. Which meant Dean barely spoke to her, either, outside of barking orders.

He was just so angry at the time, and it spilled onto her. Dean didn’t want Cas around him, but then he didn’t want Cas focusing on her, either. Or giving her that squinty head tilt. Hugging her while she grieved her partner. Talking to her about lore and weapons and sigils.

With Jack and Rowena dead, Y/N filled the fourth seat in the Impala just a little too quickly for Dean’s liking. And it had nothing to do with how fondly Cas looked at her when she fell asleep on his shoulder. Yeah, he understood that she needed training and experience, but there were a million other hunters fighting ghosts and zombies with them that she could have joined.

Dean was so mad, Cas left. And she went with him. And no, Dean did not spend several sleepless nights wondering about the sexual orientation of angels.

She and Cas were hunting partners for a while, but then Cas went to Heaven, so she moved into the bunker and never left. Dean tried not to dump his shit on her, knowing that it was his shit and not hers and he was being a dick, but she was everywhere—cooking in the kitchen, beating up the heavy bag in the gym, shooting curse words into the paper targets in the range. Dean didn’t want to laugh when she slapped one on his chest that read “DICK” as she walked out the door. He also didn’t want to deck Fancypants Dean from the other world when he asked her to go with them to Rio and then kissed her, dipped her like a 50’s heroine and everything, right in front of him!

And he definitely didn’t want to miss her when she left again with Cas. They were gone, again. Alone. Soon, he realized that he missed the smell of her cooking. He stared at the taped-over hole she left in the heavy bag when she tried attacking it while wearing heels. He tried to forget how lethal she was in the gun range. He failed to stop wondering how many beds were in the motel room they were sharing each night.

He got better about not being a dick to her when they returned. He even shared his pie. The first time she gave him one of her hundred-watt smiles, he nearly melted. She offered to help wash Baby, and he accepted. Not being a dick got easier as they became friends.

Then Chuck killed her. Just poofed her into nothing. A finger snap and Dean felt like he was back on the rack, a knife slicing into his heart. Why? Watching Cas mourn her was almost as hard as admitting that he felt the same way. He shouldn’t feel this way. They were friends. But the pain and grief in Cas’s eyes were mirrored in his chest. Not that he could say that to anyone. She was Cas’s… something.

Yet, before the Shadow swallowed him and Billie whole, Cas still said that his moment of complete happiness was loving Dean.

After Cas was gone, Dean sat on the floor in the dungeon and wondered at the complete lack of black goo anywhere. It had seemed to be everywhere but had left no trace. His mind bounced against the image of Cas getting swallowed whole and ricocheted into the image of Y/N poofing into thin air. Sam’s face when he picked up Eileen’s car keys, phone, and wallet. Jack’s face burning brightly when Chuck killed him in the graveyard. Mom’s face when he wrapped a shroud around the body that wasn’t hers. Charlie’s face as she lay in that awful motel bathtub. Bobby’s face as he called them idjits one last time. Dad’s face when the doctors tried to revive him, but he was already long gone.

Dean went on autopilot. He got up from the floor, drove to Sam and Jack, and then, he … did what needed to be done. On the drive away from Chuck’s defeat, Dean tried to imagine the life ahead of him without Chuck’s influence. Just him and Sam and Jack. He pictured them in the bunker, all in black and white like the old photos of the Men of Letters in the archives. Nothing big to fight, only little hunts. Maybe there would be the occasional trip to Hell to visit Rowena. Maybe Rowena could use a hand down there? Hell sounded nice, this time of year. You know, when everyone else is dead….

Dean didn’t let himself complete that thought. He still had Sam.

Then Jack brought back Y/N and Eileen. Color returned to Dean’s world. It wasn’t perfect, but it was better than Heaven or Hell. With Y/N in his arms, all he could think about was Cas. Dean needed Cas back, even if it meant watching them ride off into the sunset together. When Jack said he couldn’t get Cas as easily as he’d gotten Y/N and Eileen, she ended up crying in Dean’s arms, letting him comfort her. She comforted him. They comforted each other.

Before the big rescue, Dean decided that if Cas and Y/N chose to go off and live a happy life together, he’d wish them well, even if it meant drowning himself in whiskey.

But now they’re both here. When their departure was hypothetical, it was easy to convince himself that he could be supportive. Now that he was up against the reality of it, he could barely breathe. Yes, the two of them alive and happy together without him is better than the two of them dead, but….

Dean puts down the whiskey and grabs an open bottle of what is probably very stale water off his desk. He drinks it down and then stares at the whiskey bottle. He tries to breathe through the pain in his chest caused by the prospect of visiting Cas and Y/N in their little country cottage with the white picket fence and beehives in the backyard. Oh, how he wants to drink something stronger than water and make this pain stop.

No. He needs to say this to himself completely sober.

“I want them,” he announces to the room, quietly enough that no one outside could hear, but the words still echo in his ears. “No, I don’t just want them. I want a bacon double cheeseburger with extra onions and a slice of apple pie with a scoop of ice cream on top. I need them. I need Cas, and I need her, and I need to stop acting like I don’t.”

Picturing the little country cottage once more, he shakes his head. “I have to try. Cas said he loved me. Y/N at least doesn’t think I’m a dick. I can’t do nothing, anymore. I have to try. I have to tell them both and at least ask them to give me a chance.”

Dean pulls at his hair and sighs. “But that’s not how the world works. I can’t have them both. I need to decide who to talk to first. I need to choose.”

The angel that literally saved him from Hell but wears a vessel Dean doesn’t know how to handle, or the woman who would be the complete package if he weren’t already in love with Cas.

“How do I choose?”

And that’s all assuming that either of them even (still) wants him. Cas may have changed his mind after Dean stood there stupidly and said freaking nothing while the Empty swallowed him whole. And she’s never really indicated that she wanted anyone but Cas. And Cas has always seemed perfectly happy to indulge her attentions. Hell, maybe they will go off together to that cottage in the country and leave him alone. After the way he’s acted, it’s the least he deserves.

“If I even have a choice, I can’t choose.”

Pacing the room, he kneads the problem in his mind like a baker would knead dough. After only a couple of minutes, he tires of rolling around a thousand “what ifs” in his head and stops in front of his bedroom door, hand almost grabbing the knob to turn it.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asks himself, trying to give himself the courage to move. “They both say they don’t want me, they only want each other, and I’m left alone, like I’ve always been. Nothing changes for me.”

Swallowing down the blast of grief that idea causes, he takes a deep breath and watches from outside of his body as he turns the doorknob and walks down the hallway.

He hears her voice coming from her room long before he reaches it, but he’s almost in the doorway before he can make out the words she’s saying. She’s chattering in that way she does when she’s excited or nervous about something, and his heart clenches as he wonders what’s got her so jittery.

“It’s just that there’s so much to consider and so many possibilities and I’ve been waiting until now to think about it and oh god now I’m rambling and we really need to come up with a better phrase for that now that Chuck’s not in power andfuckinghellIthinkI’llstoptalking.”

Dean watches her put a hand over her mouth to stop the flow of words and can’t stop his smile. She’s adorable.

Cas sees Dean in the doorway, gives her a gentle smile, and says, “That’s probably a good idea.” He nods his head towards Dean, and she turns to look at him. They’re both sitting on the side of the bed, one of her hands is encased in both of his, and Dean feels his heart wrench at what that might mean.

He tries to read their expressions, get a feel for what’s happening in the room, but his own feelings are overwhelming him. They’re both right here, staring at him, while he’s staring at them, and no one is saying anything!

“Uh,” he starts —oh, you’re doing great there, Dean, so eloquent— before clearing his throat and taking a steadying breath, “I don’t want to interrupt you guys?”

Cas smiles, but Y/N gulps and shakes her head.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says in that way that always makes Dean feel warm inside. “It’s okay. What do you need?”

Dean tries again to read their expressions, but all he can feel is tension. Is it coming from him? “I, uh, need you,” he says to both of them, bouncing his gaze back and forth between them.

Cas stands up, letting go of Y/N’s hands, and pats her on the shoulder. “I’ll let you guys have some time alone. We can finish this later, right?”

Y/N nods, but Dean stops Cas from leaving the room with a hand on his arm. “No, Cas, I mean both of you.” Wishing that he could simply snap his fingers and have both of them automatically understand, he stares into Cas’s eyes like he’s done so many times before, trying to will his jumble of thoughts into the angel’s head.

Cas must only get static, though, because he smiles his same old fond smile, puts his hand on Dean’s left shoulder like he always does, and replies, “Of course, Dean. I’m always here when you need me. How can I help?”

Dean groans, wiping down his face with his hand while his shoulders droop. “Fuck, this is hard,” he mutters, then leads Cas back to where he’d been sitting on the bed, drags over the desk chair, and sits facing them both. “Look, I don’t do chick flick stuff, and you guys both know that, so bear with me, okay?”

Cas and Y/N both nod, and Dean wishes he had the whiskey bottle with him. Maybe a little in vino veritas would help him get through this. Staring at the two of them, he doesn’t even know where to start. He looks back and forth at each of them again, noting that they’re holding hands once more, and focuses on that.

“Look, guys, I know you two are,” he waves a hand around trying to indicate what he means, “together? Involved? Whatever you want to call it since we’re not in high school and we’ve all worked to derail an apocalypse or two. And I don’t want to mess with that. Well, not exactly. Wait, that’s not what I meant.” He takes a steadying breath and mutters, “Fuck, this is hard,” yet again.

He looks up and finally notices that both Cas and Y/N are now considerably less relaxed than they were a minute ago. Both sit stiff-backed, trying to look at anything but each other, and their hands are no longer linked.

“Wait, you guys are together, right?” Dean asks, suddenly questioning every moment he’s ever seen between them.

Y/N clears her throat and replies, “Well, that’s kind of what I was trying to talk to Cas about when you came in.” Her eyes bounce between Cas and Dean nervously and she shifts her position on the bed a little so she’s facing towards Cas a little more. “Cas, part of what I was trying to say is that I have, you know, feelings for you, that are, well, more than friendship.” Her words rush faster and faster until she gets to the end. “I held it in for so long, and then I was dead, and you were dead, and it was all awful, but now we’re back, and we’re here, and I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel what I feel.” She ends with a small gasp of much-needed air and then stares fearfully at the angel while she carefully exhales.

Cas tilts his head and squints, and Y/N slowly deflates a little bit more with every moment Cas takes to reply. Dean had no idea what he was walking into but somehow feels a little better knowing he’s not the only one feeling the need to put things on the table. The only concern now is that he might be watching the two people he wants so very much get together right in front of him, without him. Well, I’ll always have Sammy and visits to Rowena in Hell, he thinks.

“Cas? Please say something,” Y/N pleads, the panic becoming clear to Dean as her breathing quickens and her hands fumble in her lap.

“I thought you were in love with Dean?” Cas blurts out, leaving all three of them exchanging looks between them.

Dean sits up straighter and glances between Cas and Y/N, but focuses more on Y/N. “Really?” He can’t stop the word from leaving his mouth. He’s too excited by the possibility. Doing the math in his head, his heart starts to race happily. Half a chance Cas really loves him like he said, half a chance Y/N loves him like Cas said, that equals a whole chance he might actually get at least half of what he wants.

Completely ignorant to the social graces surrounding admitting other people’s feelings for other people to those other people, Cas just keeps going, turning to Dean. “Yes. I’ve noticed her engaging in some of the social actions that usually indicate romantic affection towards you. I assumed that meant she had feelings for you.”

Dean looks at Cas, then throws his hands up in the air. “Well, I’ve been watching the two of you cuddle up together all the time like two peas in a damn pod, so I knew she had feelings for you! And you’ve been cuddling right back, so I figured that meant the two of you were a thing, no matter what you said!”

Face glowing a bright red, Y/N interrupted the staring contest between the two men. “Well, I’ve been watching all the eye-fucking between you two since day one, so I thought you two were a thing! I mean, seriously, you two need to kiss or fuck or something so the rest of us can breathe clear air, again!”

Both Dean and Cas turn to stare at Y/N.

“What? You two had no problem talking about my feelings! Turnabout’s fair play!”

Cas takes hold of Y/N’s hand to ground her and says, “So, you have romantic feelings for both of us, then?”

Fear washes over her face as she nods, nervously glancing between the two of them.

Cas smiles. “And I have romantic feelings for both of you,” he states. The two of them smile at each other for a moment and then turn to Dean in unison. Their hands are clutched together, knuckles white with tension.

With two pairs of striking eyes staring at him, Dean squirms.

“Dean, we would very much appreciate you telling us what you’re thinking and feeling, right now,” Cas said, using his calmest and most caring voice. “I believe the phrase is, ‘this is a safe space.’”

Dean takes a steadying breath, looks at each of them individually, and decides there’s no use running now. He’s here. He knows there will be a soft landing when he jumps. He’s jumped into worse with less and come out winning. He can do this.

Dean takes Y/N’s free hand in one of his and squeezes it while he decides what words to use. She relaxes, her shoulders dropping, but Dean notices Cas stiffen out of the corner of his eye. Dean stiffens right along with him, bringing his eyes up just in time to see the flash of disappointment in Cas’s eyes before it disappears.

Fuck, he’s screwing this all up, already.

Words are still foreign things he can’t seem to grasp, so he decides to act instead. Still holding Y/N’s hand, he reaches with his other hand to grasp Cas’s neck and pull him in.

The kiss is awkward as hell. Cas’s eyes are wide open when Dean closes his, and then teeth clash, and Cas stays frozen while Dean tries to gently kiss some life into him. Right before Dean is about to pull away and question all his life choices, Cas melts. Cas’s hand is suddenly in Dean’s hair, pulling Dean closer as the kiss turns into the warmest, loveliest kiss Dean’s ever experienced. Cas’s lips are as soft as Dean ever imagined, the little bit of rough stubble a new but not awful feeling, and Dean’s pretty sure he could do this for hours and never come up for air. Maybe it would kill him, but he’d be okay dying this way.

Eventually, the kiss turns to little nibbles, and then they simply sit there for a moment, foreheads together and eyes closed, feeling the warmth of each other.

“I didn’t think you could feel what I feel,” Dean whispered. “And then you said you could, and you did, and then you were gone, and it was too late.” He shifts only enough to press his lips to Cas’s again one more time. “You can have everything you want, angel,” he says, pulling back enough to look Cas in the eyes.

Cas’s smile is as wide and happy as Dean’s ever seen it. They stare at each other for another one of those long moments where Dean swears Cas must be able to freeze time. Cas’s eyes shift away from Dean, and he’s reminded that he’s staring at only half of his happiness.

The other half is still holding his hand, watching him and Cas with wide eyes and a shy smile. With nothing left to lose, Dean leans in and feels the rest of his world click into place as his lips settle perfectly on hers. The kiss with her is different, and yet also the same in how right it feels. She opens her mouth a little, and their tongues slide together like they’ve done this a hundred times before. When they finally break apart, he doesn’t know what to say, so he just lets his smile loose. She smiles back, and he knows she understands.

Everything in him wants to keep going back and forth, kissing them both, but there’s always that little voice inside his head —which sounds a bit like Chuck, these days— that tells him that this isn’t real. It makes him slow down a bit, lean back in his chair, and enjoy looking at the two people in front of him. He watches the two of them kiss and is surprised when his gut doesn’t churn with jealousy this time.

Each time he had imagined what they did behind closed doors, he was miserable. Yet, here he is, watching them kiss, feeling happy. The part of him that was jealous and hurt now knows that they both want him, too. He’s not on the outside looking in, anymore.

The little voice that sounds like Chuck gets a little louder. ‘What is this, a three-way roll in the hay like with the Doublemint twins back before Hell, or those triplets with Lee? Yeah, this isn’t how real life works, pal.’

Cas and Y/N finally pull away from each other but continue to stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment. Now, Dean knows how other people have felt while he’s stared at Cas in the past. Part of him wants to laugh at that, but that evil little voice has convinced him that this is temporary. They’re all holding hands, now, like some kind of hippie prayer circle or Zen meditation thing, grinning like idiots at each other, and it can’t last.

Dean’s smile falters, and he looks down at their hands, trying to memorize this moment before it all comes crashing down. Before he has to choose. Before they have to choose. Before he loses everything.

Cas lets go of his hand and uses it to lift Dean’s chin so he sees Cas’s face again. “You can have this, Dean. We can have this, exactly like this. We don’t have to choose. It won’t be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is, right?” Cas’s hand drops down and grasps his hand, again. “Polyamory is not unheard of and is accepted in many cultures.”

Dean looks back and forth between Cas and Y/N, gauging their feelings about this from their expressions.

Y/N giggles and shrugs when Dean looks at her, questions in his eyes. “I’m game to try if you are. I’m guessing it’s going to involve a lot of honesty and talking, but I could never choose between you.”

Dean’s shoulders relax and he takes what feels like the first deep breath of his life. He’s fallen, hard and fast, expecting the pain of a crash landing, but found a safety net instead. It’s thrilling, it’s scary, and his heart wants to burst out of his chest, but it’s all good.

Squeezing both of their hands, he grins. “Let’s do this, then.”

Later, when he and Y/N are curled into Cas in bed, who’s reading a book because he doesn’t sleep, Dean squeezes her hand on the broad chest between them and smiles when she squeezes back. When he’s asleep and dreaming about hunts and fights and beating the Devil, for the first time, when he falls, he lands softly.

[americachavez]

did cas really tell dean to kneel before their new god? did that actually happen? i thought him beating the shit out of dean in that alley was the most unrestrainedly horny thing this show had ever done ACTUALLY you know what scratch that new question: top horny moments from the cw's supernatural (2005 - 2020)

getting this ask feels like my sins of the last week have been weighed against the Trials I Have Gone Through since the premier of supernatural on the wb in september of 2005 and I’m not sure if it is a punishment or reward

some notes before we begin:

the ep with dean’s male siren was like, conceptually horny but not actually that horny because the dude was uglie. I’m sorry to this man

all you sam girls out there. I respect you but I do not respect jared padalecki who is JUST tall and has zero sex appeal. but those eps where he’s like, drinking ruby’s blood and then eating her pussy are. you know. I’ll give you that

I am ONLY UP TO SEASON 10 so fair warning this is not comprehensive but the horniness does seem to drop off sharply after the mark of cain is no longer in play lol gotta love a good demon murder tattoo plot

this is easily the most insane thing I’ve ever done, including the destiel manifesto

S1 EP12: the scene where dean gets healed by the faith healer, on his knees with a hand in his hair and looking somewhere between religious ecstasy, brain death and an orgasm. starting this list off great

S1 EP22: azazel possessing john winchester. no I will not explain further if u know u know <3

S3 EP10: dean being taunted by a dream version of himself, this is where we first got the daddy’s blunt little instrument line. still burned in my hippocampus a good 13 years later thank yew

S4 EP1: dean crawling out of his own grave covered in grave dirt. hot. the HANDPRINT. HOT. also tangent but this reveal after the s3 finale was WILD back in 2008 I hollered in my dorm room after canvassing for obama. simpler times man

S4 EP 1: cas’ intro scene. the barn. the shadow wings. the hair??? getting stabbed in the chest by the man you just pulled out of hell. getting aaaallll up in that personal space. his little eyebrow. “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.” OUTRAGEOUSLY FLAMING

S4 EP02: “I dragged you out of hell I can throw you back in.” <<< this angel tops. mark dean down as scared and horny etc

S4 EP16: this ENTIRE EPISODE but specifically the part where dean tortures alastair as some kind of foreplay and then alastair kicks his ass. carved you into a new animal. jesus.

S4 EP16: wait I forgot about the part where cas also gets his ass kicked and looks all....hm. dazed and covered in blood while he’s on his knees and about to die. yeah.

S5 EP4: I mean this entire ep is unfairly horny considering everyone is dying of a zombie plague and hasn’t showered in like, 4 years but if I had to pick one hmmm. the dean/dean interrogation scene with the panty kink yeah I know it’s not original but hm. it happened. also misha collins just being able to convey that CAS IS A FLEXIBLE SLUT with a single roll of his shoulders. who SAYS this man can’t act!!!!!

S5 EP18: the ALLEY SCENE. DEAN DOESN’T FIGHT BACK. CAS HOLDS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND AND THEN THROWS HIM ACROSS THE ALLEY. WHY DID EVERYONE THINK CAS COULDN’T TOP. you all had brainworms.

S5 EP18: when cas locks dean in the panic room to stop him from saying yes to michael and “well cas not for nothing but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid” I hate this show. wait I think the blow me cas line is in this episode too what the fuck were they on here

S6 EP5: the scene where dean gets turned into a vampire. between the old dude who I think calls dean a pretty boy (??) and soulless sam....watching??? no ******* but there were just some absolutely foul energies in that scene and I still do not understand WHAT they were thinking

S6 EP20: cas doing a double smite on two demons by slamming them to the ground and then shoving another demon back in its vessel and then smiting him in the same motion. TOP. ENERGY.

S6 EP22: season 6 is possibly cas’ horniest season because he’s like, going through angel puberty after getting his first boner for dean, but the final cas eps are. whoof. cas eats a bunch of souls and proclaims himself to be a new god in order to handle said boner, and then the season ends with cas telling them to bow down and profess their love to him, their new lord, or he will destroy them. note: the way this is framed makes it look like cas is only staring at dean while he says this, even though sam and bobby are also there. the season ends with dramatic zooms on both cas and dean’s faces respectively. this made me actively regret ditching this show after s5 lol

S8 EP??: literally EVERY SINGLE PURGATORY FLASHBACK. cas dean and benny are all purgatory hot in the “pop 10 cranberry pills and risk the UTI” kind of way but also. dean being the hot girl bottom between two tops who hate each other. I really. whew. I need to go take a shower.

S8 EP17: if I get canceled for including the crypt scene on this list I blame you bud. but dean on his knees begging a brainwashed cas to stop killing him WAS sexy. how many times has dean been on his knees in this list wait there’s another one coming up next jsldjfsldkjf

S9 EP2: abaddon getting dean on his knees (YEAH) and pulling his hair and praising him for always coming when called HELLO???? the only thing that ruins this is dean says “I can’t tell if we’re gonna fight or make out” because this is the CW and they won’t let him say fuck

S9 EP6: ah. this entire episode is Emotionally Horny but the horny horny part is when they’re in the car and dean is telling cas to unbutton his shirt and. watches. I know this was on my destiel manifesto but I need it here too

S9 EP9: cas, covered in blood, slitting another angel’s throat and eating his grace after getting tortured. that shot alone made me understand why this website was so goddamn horny for misha collins for nearly a damn decade

S9 EP11: MARK OF CAIN BABEY. cain watching dean beat up a bunch of demons as an audition for taking on the mark, while crowley also is a fucking voyeur to the whole thing. cain is also a hot silver fox with daddy energies. I said what I said

S9 EP 16: dean getting the first blade. he’s chained to a pillar and being menaced by a foppish dandy who wants to add him to his “collection” (WOW). dean then kills him with the blade and whew. murder is sexy sometimes

S9 EP21: dean being pinned against a wall by abaddon’s power, then using the mark of cain to break her hold, calling the first blade to him psychically and then killing her. god the mark of cain is hot

S9 EP23: dean waking up with the demon eyes NUT

S10 EP2: demon dean beating up that dude with the boring backstory and kicking his ass. really was a go on baby I got your flower moment because I hated that dude and I love demon dean

S10 EP3: demon dean being chained up and taunting sam about how his brother is gone, then hunting sam through the bunker. demon dean in general was VERY fun for me, someone who loves trash

S10 EP9: dean going berserk and killing a bunch of pedophile rapists/child abusers. I’m sorry I know this show is trying to preach morality at me about monsters and unnecessary murder and humanity or whatever but we blew past that like 8 SEASONS AGO. also the mark of cain is sexy

S10 EP14: the rest of this list is really gonna be mark of cain stuff isn’t it look I’m here to have fun. cain and dean’s fight. cain continuously tossing his mane of hair back and taunting dean with the picture of what he’s going to become, who he’s going to kill. dean begging cain to tell him that he can stop, and then ultimately killing him. rip daddy.

S11 EP4: again I have not watched this however. every shot of this episode is PRESTIGE TELEVISION because driving a muscle car is sexy. and especially the shot of dean all beat to hell and begging his car to start and giving her a little kiss from his fingers to her dash. ugh. masculinity.

S12 EP10: the bearded salt-and-pepper daddy look returns, only it’s an angel this time and he’s wearing a vest and shirtsleeves and he swordfights with a hot redheaded lady in a suit and an eyepatch. this show is good sometimes!!! and oh fuck lol I just realized this is the same guy who played krissy’s hot hunter dad in s7 probably the first guy who’s hotter as an angel than a hunter. huh.

S12 EP 11: dean riding larry the mechanical bull to “broomstick cowboy.” I have no idea where this factors into the ep but I have seen. the youtube clip

S13 EP23: from what I can tell s13 is way more emotionally horny than boner horny, although dean burning cas’ body was sexy. but the horniest part was dean saying yes to michael and then michael taking over and saying “thanks for the suit.” we are going to ignore the silliest fight scene in existence as well as the final shot ending on a FREEZE FRAME like a goddamn tiktok

S14: not gonna pick a specific moment because I have not watched yet!!! but michael dean is hot. idk why michael is weirdly hot and I cannot stand any iteration of lucifer on this television programme. it should be the reverse but I’m forever an older sibling stan apparently. someone who is catholic could probably explain this better.

S15 EP13: genevieve padalecki and danneel ackles fight flirting as ruby and anael I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HELD OUT ON THIS TILL THE LAST SEASON

I know I am missing things but this is already an absolutely incomprehensible screed. I know I’m missing shit from the latter seasons but give me time I’m pacing myself