#i need my meds lol
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i love it when characters are codependent. i love it when losing someone feels like losing a limb. i love it when two people "complete" each other so wholly and terribly that one can barely function without the other. i love it when the fear of losing the only person who understands them is so all-consuming they'll destroy anything to stay together, including themselves.
#gray.txt#im really normal about moirails#i need to start writing again LOL#ive done 3 entire fics in the last decade but also im on adhd meds so maybe thatll help#still need 2 overcome my debilitating perfectionism tho. it's a work in progress
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Bleegeghh teh 11th💉🥫 ft. recent outfitz
#queue are lovely#sonaart#i feel awkward drawing myself as not a small dormouse😭😭😭#my two sides cutegirl and someidiot#happy one year to me today… it’s rlly cool to be able to say that#near 10yrs of my life it’s something I always wanted but never thought I’d ever get to do…im very lucky to be on it but at the same time it#rlly make u think about how unfair it is to have had waited so late in life to get the first bite of one’s own autonomy and personhood#it’s a very precious and confusing thing and im still finding out what it means to be someone#but compensation is my favorite singer gendered me correctly so like 🦀🦀🦀#also yes i still plan on answering everything I’ll be officially off hiatus this week (still haven’t drawn much i need to push myself to be#expected to again lol)#but i stopped my meds so i am in withdrawals so forgive me I am. so so so so so out of my mind HSHDHWHD
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First words with Uncle Simon
part 1 | part 2
#sorry if the format is awful#i need to learn how to place the panels better aksjdhkajd#also due to my shitty handwritings i also placed “subtitles”#funny i used to be a med student with even worse handwritings#also I deliberately draw Magpie like that with Simon bcuz baby that age just never stop moving or squirming about#i hope someone can relate to taking care of baby that feels like you're working out lol#this took way more time than intended#gummmyart#doodle#simon ghost riley#simon riley#uncle!Simon#ghost cod#[oc]Magpie#captain john price#PriceRaven#[oc]Raven#call of duty#cod#call of duty modern warfare#cod mw
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*sifts through medicine cabinet* New OC. They're Gallifreyan. Their name is *pill bottle falls out* Lexapro of the House of *another bottle falls out, pills go flying everywhere* Celexa.
#for legal reasons this is a joke#but i would be lying if i said i had never perused my med cabinet while making an oc#shitpost#shit post#doctor who#dw#dr who#gallifreyan#gallifrey#god i need to get back on my meds lol#havent in. too long.
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serial killer gojo who likes to stalk you on campus. watch you from across the cafeteria. follows you to your male friends dorm, who ends up maimed the next morning.
who gets tired of never being seen, even though he’s brighter than a fucking dying star on campus, and yet you never notice him. who gets tired when the campus is empty and you’re all alone. finds a knife that’s almost bigger than your head and chases you across the open fields.
he’s laughing, the whole time. his head thrown back and his smile wide as the blade hangs limply at his sides, as if not in threat. as if your heart doesn’t beat so hard against your ribcage, that you think you hear the bones crack with every thud. like your bleeding heart may burst from your skin and splatter onto the ground before you.
he’s a killer, but he’s kind. he’s a killer, but not to you, never to you. holds you so sweetly when he catches you, because of course; he was always going to catch you. licks away your tears and smiles at you, disarming, everything and not. his eyes too ocean wide, his teeth too bone white. you see your reflection in his incisors. you see prey. you see your reflection in his eyes. you see love. it’s always been love for him.
all you have to do now is accept it.
#try to write gojo normal challenge#I wasn’t gonna do kinktober this year but I might#do this singular ☝🏼 fic#idk tho I have been so Sad lately lol#I think I need to up my meds#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#gojo treats! 🍬#ask to tag#tw: horror
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"I'm the dog they put with cheetahs to keep them from going crazy in captivity" x "I'm the cheetah that is threatening to go crazy" 4 ever
(I make a webcomic about them)
#GODDDDDDDDDDD I love them#theyre so.....#I just.#good. theyre good#I need the comic to come back NOW...#no I dont. I havent finished enough yet#I've finished 7 episodes so I gotta make 3 more minimum but 8 more ideally. which is. a big gap..#anyways I got up early to draw this cause I couldnt sleep#and someone shared it in a server I'm in and I was like. oh I have to#but now I'm super tired and I can sleep#so good night. enjoy my beautuful art of my beautiful vampires#'good ngiht' it is 10 30 am.#sleep. she betrays me yet again.#anyways working on coming back working on kickstarter stuff working on book 4#working on commissions working on my patreon...#work work work work#trying to be forgiving of myself LOL working like 50-70 hours a week and still feeling like its not enough#imagine if I WASNT on meds rn. I'm focusing better and there's still just way too much sheesh#super need some support but also I'm chillin#I was assigned an editor and she has not given me a single note#so I'm like uhhh. rlly feeling aimless and lonely#I'm doing very good work its some of my best stuff#but...#yeah. idk. just a lot HAHAHA#but I got like 45 mins to do a quick drawing#for my mental health...#time and time again#adam and steve#ttawebcomic#adam
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d895b3277d629b2b9092a3e1edb7179b/4685fc5bd4296f24-b8/s540x810/9b9bdb5342ab5b60bb94e518ecf24a91de781c22.jpg)
thinking abt this again actually lmfao
#iasip#always sunny#dennis reynolds#charden#chardennis#fanart#mine#he needs charlies approval so bad lol :)#i need for u to xPLAIN to me how it is that u consider mac to b a bettr friend to u#wtf im having so much fun doing art recently this is weird#how hav i drawn so much#edit: my sister just asked me if im manic rn nd i was like 'oooohhhhhhhhh.....'#was rambling @ her abt how mch art im doing nd then midway thru th conversation showed her a new highly detailed art i had jst started#yea ok mania makes sense kjnfgdh#i smhow completely forgot im off my meds rn ERP
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ca8ff83ca1f01538681910a620c78c71/a24adda7721710a4-5a/s540x810/234f630a828f0d8dbf33202f9fd1dd8a8d496ecc.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b0715b9db4c5a5c600671bb2cf1acecf/a24adda7721710a4-a6/s540x810/7cdd5802043f063bf7d9b36a2d92a5c73de7f485.jpg)
Ui idea tests, thrown together bc im eepy. Was planning on doing more but I spent all my days energy on the second one oops
#Danny phantom#I need to draw more or I’ll die <- guy who’s meds exhaust them#writing is so hard how do u not make everyone sound like you through a bad filter#Ik that’s unavoidable in some ways (like how art style will always look like u did it+not someone else)#but ugh. I’ll figure it out eventually takes practice+learning+all that#was planning on writing today but then I though ‘huh it might b fun to make some fake ‘’screenshot’’ concepts#also the portal basement has a more complex design but again#eepy#I think the gimmicky MySpace-inspired boxes r fun but idk how well I could keep that theme going w/ some characters#I also never used MySpace so that’s maybe just a kill issue#*skill lol#the command prompt one would basically just be for the portal#I keep saying that this project isn’t feasible buy my hyperfixated ass keeps trying anyways
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big dog little dog energy. uh anyway.
[id: two drawings of conor garland & nikita zadorov as furries (a russel terrier & a great dane) referencing the video of them shoving each other at practice. text reads "lil' push!" & "BIG SHOVE!" end id.]
#vancouver canucks#conor garland#nikita zadorov#hockey art#niksartstuffs#sorry for drawing real life nhl players as furries. it might happen again (depends on how embarrassed by this i am in the morning.)#i'd love to say its just cos i wanna practice w/ reference for my hockey furries but thats not the truth...#the truth is that conor garland is like some sort of terrier to me. what a special little guy. they may have lost yesterday but!#the garly girlies got a goal. that. matters. 💥💥💥#anyway im like. actually feverish rn lol 🤒 i need to take some meds and lie down haha myb that has smth to do with. this lapse of judgement#furry art#hockeyposting
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who’s the dog, again?
(commissioned from wtchysvto)
#liya.arts#touchstarved#li#mhin#touchstarved game#touchstarved oc#the way they're both holding the chain is INSANE#also this composition is so crazy... the play of light/dark and the circling of the hair and chain like a trap#shaking my head rn. when you're stuck in a strange and complicated and unhealthy dynamic#anyways the outfits are a little different bc this is based off modern au!#mhin is a harried med student with a rare disease theyre struggling to find the cure for#li is a local scrappy athlete who participates in underground fights for the thrill#mhin needs money for research and moonlights as a doctor for the underground fighting pit#ergo. they meet bc mhin has 2 patch her up all the damn time#li doesnt lose often she just gets too into the bloody back and forth#maybe ill post the full outfit refs one day bc i really do like them lol...
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I think my favorite thing about doing ginger red hair instead of cherry red hair is: lying to people about it
#I love the cherry red / wine red and I'll probably go back at some point bc it's my Origin.#but for now.#I don't actively lie to people but bc it's a Natural and Plausible hair color#and I'm already pale and I dye my eyebrows to match my hair. ppl figure it's natural#and it has come up MULTIPLE TIMES. and I've recently been rolling with it instead of correcting ppl. bc who cares?#recent examples that come to mind (but I did correct them in this one) my surgeon assuming it was natural#and using my genetics as a natural redhead as a baseline to tell me about what I can expect from my future scarring#and then again later with the anesthesia. they were going to dose me differently#the anesthesiologist glanced at me when I came into the OR and was getting the stuff ready on his cart#and when he heard me talking to my doc and re-telling him that oh the hair isn't natural#he was behind the curtain like FUCK#taking shit off his cart and quietly redoing his setup#that's how I learned that redheads need higher doses of anesthesia than other ppl.#they also need more of the topical stuff like lidocaine. apparently they metabolize it faster(?)#ANYWAY he was going to up my dose thinking I needed it lol#so i almost got way more sedatives and pain meds than i needed bc of my hair dye LMAOOO#other more Normal Life examples was a country dude in full hunting gear holding a door open for me someplace#and I said thank you and he lifted his hat up to point at his (natural) red hair and said ''twins!''#this one sticks with me because that was such a cute thing to do. what the hell#and at snakefest I was talking to some people at their food truck. there was an older guy who trapped me into a convo for like 30mins#he was Very Nice. and they were going to some type of irish festival next and said I should go too bc I'll be right at home#flat out just was like. this bitch looks irish#and I don't know why all of this is so funny to me. it has no reason to be.
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reminding myself on this busy morning that i also have dreams of taking piano lessons & singing lessons & also honing my writing skills & absorbing as many books as i used to when i was a kid & at the very least taking up cute tennis dates & dabbling into art & just becoming an artistic generalist. also reminding myself that there are pre-meds out there who managed to pursue something they’re passionate in (some are even professional athletes) & still excelled in medicine & if they can do it so can I
#Delusional? Maybe a little bit but this is what i wanna do w my life and I don’t wanna choose one or the other#If I drop science/medicine I feel empty#If I don’t have my creative outlets I feel empty#My existence is a symbiotic meeting of these two facets#It’s possible bc other ppl have done it but I just need to achieve godly levels of time budgeting and drive basically#I was raised on the belief that if you want something badly enough you’ll make it happen!! So that is what I���m going 2 do#I mean when I make it to residency the 80 hr work weeks probably won’t allow for much lol BUT#I don’t like the popular opinion that med school doesn’t allow time for anything else.#So many med students have said that u have plenty of time & that it will be a period of self discovery exploration etc#Idk we’ll see. But!! I intend on making this work.#p
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Went hopital < watched Stalker (1979) in hopital < behold sudden writing inspiration < write while high on meds < leave hopital < read weird shit I wrote now at home and not high on meds < very confused and wondering if I was actually in the Zone the whole time < what is happening
#lol#i got hit with some random stomach virus that really kicked my ass and i needed IV fluids because i couldn’t keep anything else down#and now i’m recovering on meds…?#everything was weird as hell#was i experiencing surreal russian mythos or not#updates#CrowNotes
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The moment my therapist finally, and fully understood that I’m autistic was halfway into me explaining myself experimenting on my own brain chemistry after reading a report that people with ADHD get dopamine hits from sweet things that can combat some of the ADHD bs, buying a large container of Nutella, and eating a spoonful every afternoon to see if I could overcome the executive dysfunction for several months, then going without to see if there was a difference.
#autustic#ADHD#therapy#science#lol#I literally could see the moment it happened right in his face#the thought was so clear#like ‘oh#they ARE autistic#meanwhile I’m going into how the science seems sound but my body does not need an entire container of Nutella just so my mind will work#and how much of a difference my new adhd med is making#and how many emails and phone calls I made just yesterday alone
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years ago i set this as my medication alarm sound to remind myself to take the antidepressants i was on back then, thinking it'd be funny. it was, but now that i'm finally starting a different set of antidepressants after being off them for a few years, i (respectfully) didn't want fukase swearing at me first thing in the morning 😅
so, since he does exist in my computer, i made this little simpler audio just for funsies, and figured i'd upload it here too bc why not 🤷♀️ i don't know if i'll actually end up using it myself but if anyone else wants fukase reminding them to take their meds for whatever reason, here you go lmao
and here's a bonus oliver version as well for those who are more oliver-based lol:
#my audio lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fukase#vocaloid oliver#no more tags bc im. scared#its been like a week since i started the new meds and i wasnt sure if i was gonna release this from my drafts but i figured eh fuck it#also update from the future: my oliver bias wins again bc thats the one i ended up using LMFAO sorry fukase#i still need to evaluate i think if these are actually helping though so in the event i do change again at some point ill use fuka's#maybe i shouldve added more silence towards the end as a buffer though because if i dont turn off my alarm soon enough#the audio gets stuck in a loop of repeating this over and over. and OK ENOUGH IM GONNA GO GET THEM NO NEED TO SHOUT AT ME 😭 lol
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Hey y'all I am still working on the goat in a dress but am delayed by a POTS flareup so I will not be working on it more until tomorrow I forgot asparagus is a diuretic. Again. lol
(for anyone reading this with no context for why that matters, I have both POTS and salt wasting syndrome and am on medication that is literally the opposite of a diuretic to help keep my blood pressure up. Eating a bunch of asparagus kind of temporarily undid that effect and I am very tired but fine, and I'll be back to normal in the morning)
#the person behind the yarn#food mention#I am okay I am just way tired#I took some salt pills and they are starting to kick in but oh boy that was not fun#I think asparagus is one of those things like salt that for most people it won't cause a noticeable affect to your blood pressure#like. most peoples' bodies are really good at maintaining homeostasis#mine is an outlier and should not have been counted#ESPECIALLY when it comes to electrolytes and water I am SO BAD at regulating those#I mean I say that like I have any control over it?? but also there's not really a better way to word that#I stay hydrated take my meds take salt pills as needed#but that does not stop the fact that my body is bad at salt and water lol
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