#i need external validation to even understand how i look but if i ask for it it's fake bc people will just tell me what i want to hear

[ariaste]

Apparently there was some lil drama in Good Omens fandom again about people being deeply nervous and scared of the end of Season 3, and I wrote this in the replies of one of the asks that Neil Gaiman answered, but I feel like it is deserving of being crossposted into its own post (in a slightly expanded form) so folks actually see it.

cmere, good omens fandom, we're having an intervention. a Come To Jesus talk, if you will.

First of all, I'm literally begging the fandom to:

learn what personal boundaries are, especially around parasocial relationships with strangers. (Suggestion: When sending asks to authors you like, use "polite work email" etiquette, not "joking with a friend" etiquette. The latter comes off REAL weird sometimes, and sometimes outright mean/rude/bullying).

take a couple deep fucking breaths

embrace the philosophy of The Author's Intent Only HAS To Matter To The Author, It Does Not Have To Matter To YOU. If you do not like the author's intent, you can say "hmmmm no thanks" and write some fanfic. That's what it's for.

Friends, Romans, countrymen..... Stop trying to make Neil Gaiman responsible for your happiness. For one thing, that is an absolutely unfair and cruel burden to put on a stranger who doesn't know you. Neil is only responsible for Neil's happiness. You're responsible for your own happiness. In fact, do not rely on ANY external source to guarantee your happiness, not even very nice people like Neil, not even your significant other, not even your family members. Yes, those people might be able to help you with your happiness, but they cannot guarantee it. Expecting a third party to guarantee your happiness is how corporations exploit you, and it is the source of all media trauma. Take agency over your own joy! Don't give away your power! Plan to DIY your personal ideal ending!

Neil is not telepathic, Neil cannot know all your hopes and dreams and wishes, nor SHOULD he be expected to know them, nor does he have space to know them. He is busy with things like his own and Terry's hopes and dreams and wishes. Their hopes/dreams/wishes are just as valid and important as yours, aren't they? Yes, they are. So calm down. caaaaaaaallllllm dowwwwwn.

Yes, I love the show very much too, but at the end of the day it is just a story. And the great thing about stories is that you are empowered to retell them in a different way. It is not real, so if you end up unsatisfied by S3, then blithely impose your own reality and build your own joy. It's not like it's the End Of The World or anything (lil fandom joke there for you)

And look, if you read this and you're feeling Mad and Upset or Frustrated about it, that is a symptom that you are maybe feeling a little stung in your Media Trauma parts. I am sorry that other stories have let you down in the past, and I really sympathize that you are feeling scared about the fate of this story that really matters to you. You've invested a lot of love into it! I really understand the fear! You don't want to be hurt again, and that's super understandable and normal.

But bestie, literally the only way for you to find a story that's exactly perfect for you and that won't hurt you at all is for you to write it yourself. I know that sucks to hear, but it is the truth. If you keep pinning a hope of perfection on other people's stories, you will keep getting traumatized by the media you consume. Love other people's stories for what they ARE, not for the stories that you WANTED them to be -- the same way that we love people, you know? You have to let a person be their own person; you can't force them to be someone else. That's fucked up, so if you notice that you keep trying to do that, maybe go to therapy so you can be that Someone-Else person for yourself (or, if you can't afford therapy, read some self-help books from the library or find some good channels on Youtube who make content that might help with that (I really like JulienHimself)).

If you need a story to be something big and important for you, if you are seeking catharsis and healing from a story that matters to you and you're really scared that you won't get it, then open a Word document and start typing. You can do it. You're a human being, and you evolved to tell stories. Literally it's a species specialization. You got this. It's gonna be okay, because you're going to seize the means of production and MAKE it okay. Yes? Yes.

Good Omens S3 will be what it will be. It will be what Neil wants it to be and what Terry would have wanted it to be. Period. That IS actually the highest achievement and the most noble and admirable accomplishment that we can hope for. And hey, maybe what they want overlaps with what you want, and that will be wonderful! But that will be merely a happy coincidence. The only person who can TRULY center your wants is YOU. So stop trying to trap Neil into doing it, please, because he's busy and it's not his job, AND because your wants do matter and you deserve to have someone who can give your wants their 100% full attention (aka you. that's you. only you can do that. Not even your best friends in the world can do it. Not even your mom can do it, at least not if you're old enough to know how to read.)

It's gonna be okay. Really. Really, it is. No, stop typing the snarky melodramatic reply. This is not the time for jokes; I'm being serious. It's going to be okay. Neil Gaiman can only break your heart exactly as much as you allow him to do so. That's how art works. You have to consent in order to be affected by it, and you can withdraw your consent at any time. You're going to be okay. I promise. As long as you choose to claim your own agency and your own empowerment as an individual, then all will be well and all manner of things will be well.

[kiddotarot]

Why you are your future spouse made for each other

Explanation = We only brings our personality ( Ascendant) and 7H according to our past life karma and this is why you and your partner made for each other to balanced the complete you . Check your Ascendant and sign sitting to your 7h . Thank you jay for jay ( astroid) regarding too much help and teaching and learning from his vedios .

Aries = Libra

Aries = person are more related to themselves. " me" is a perfect word to describe them cause this associate with ego , level of growing, what can you do to yourself. If you ask this person to do charities and donations they may be not intrested in this but if you ask them to help in surgeries and body related help they surely going to help for example = Salman khan do a lot of donations for operation and also donate is born marrow for a child. So this thay have opposite sign libra in there chart because you alway think about yourself and focus on only you with your future spouse you going to learn how to work in a partnership and work for others and manage things and resources in a relationship you can fi d ot difficult but it is the basic rule which god decided to teach you .

Libra = you are a person who always focused on relationship and how to satisfy everyone need . You can always find yourself stuck in a web of relationship from your family and friends and society because you think you need to make good relations with everyone . And with libra ascendant you have gain house leo (11H) so you want popularity from there but you need to understand that you are slowly loosing yourself in this that's why you have Aries as a partner which can show you how and what you can do to yourself always doing for others not always give you acceptance. They can show you to take desion for yourself too first look at yourself then others.

Taurus = scorpio

Taurus = you are more focused on external things family, society and recourse and outher validation . You always work for them or always think about them and of by chance your ascendant in afflicted then sure you going yo have problem from speaking for yourself your own people can insult you but you are not able to answer back. You always pit more focus on those things like you want your name mention in a donations if you do charity . That's why you have scorpio in you 7h because sure you future spouse going to teach you to go silent and why you need to be alone and cut out from others. Because god want you to learn internal expension. And these people spouse stand up for them and speak no matter if your family stand against you . If they have strong moon and venus as scorpio ascendant they going to be a obsessive lover. I am sure your sleep cycle is disturbed now for sure but after marriage it going to be improve.

Scorpio = you are a reserved person and sure rigid also . You have a bigger world in your innerself than outer world . Very private person you always cut off from society and peoples it make you feel you are enough alone but that's not it we are humans the social animals we need to do coperative with each other so your 7H Taurus person going to show you how to put efforts in a family after marriage because familys runs from both side and efforts they will sure bring you out of your zone and make you a coperative person . Because your partner know how to deal with enemies and diseases and coperative situation these three things going to add in your life for sure.

Gemini = sagittarius

Gemini = you are immature by subconscious mind like a kid so this is a little baby Mercury house which is not mature enough do your nature is like that . You either take desion very fast or always stay confused in your life even in your career. And your 2H rule by moon regarless its position in chart you always dpeak by your emotions and you less you mind in speaking caure you are pure heart like a child can be emotional speaker. Always take random action. Thats why you have sagittarius in your 7H according to me it is best placement cause your future spouse is really mature and knowledgeable going to tach you a lot of thing and act like a guide throughout the life they are the best person to take advice in life. Your luck can be rise after marriage cause they are supportive towards your desion are correct them . If you have bad 7h still check your partner jupiter it can still give good effect in some cases.

Sagittarius = you are always lucky and ethical and most of the time right in tyiur life but its make you a person who never be so experimental and may be find it difficult to accept chsnges. Its a jupiter ruled sign and no other planets is exalted here so we can say you never listen to others. You can have habit of procrastination in trying new things and experience. That's why you have Gemini in your 7h your partner is going to shake your world . They going to teach you how to be more changable and accept it. They going to teach you who be easy going on life and chill and be curious sure you going to have a hard time for that but they will be bright and open up your world.

Cancer = capricorn

Cancer = you are very emotional person and carying people often take advantage of it. And you may be get ashamed up for showing your emotions and you learn how to keep thing to you only not share them. That's why your house have capricorn 7h your spouse belives in more taking action and karma. They really don't have any filter when it comes to speak of fight for what's right in there eyes. And if Saturn placed goid your spouse can take stand for you always no matter what throughout your life.

Capricorn = you are always rigid and can have not do good experience in your life. Which can make or developed your mind set in a way thst you believe thst if i want something i need to do work hard and neglected your own emotions. You never forgive a person and aldo not forget what they do you believe in punishment that's why you have cancer in your 7H your person going to show you do not be hard on yourself and others . And you can believe in uour emotional side and not to shut it . They make you believe that innocence and purity still exists. You can work for others without selfishness.

Leo = Aquarius

Leo = you are wtical and may be main attraction in your own group . You carries a king qualities and believe in doing justice but on the negative side it can give you too much overconfidence and rudeness you are not ready to surrender in front of someone thsts why you have 7H Aquarius your future spouse going to make you humble and grounded cause Aquarius is mixture of rahu + saturan so its make a eclipse situation to a leo person but don't worry you are blessed by god only ehy this person can control you by his duality and expension. You sometimes you can't understand or can't handle there duality because they are always two step ahead from you.

Aquarius = you are a person who is deciplined but also have a great social contact you are like mass personality which is just expanding. And if your saturan placed bad i am sure you are not ethical. You can have a low immunity system and that's why you always fall sick fast and have some mysterious decease. That's why you have 7H leo your person going to show you how to be more ethical and justice. Because god give solution not punishment so your spouse is solution they ga e great immunity or they can creat a environment that can help you to stay healthy. Like tsking care of you routine and food a lot of good stuuf included a great person.

Virgo = pisces

Virgo = you are always more technical in your life because you always deal with enemies and problems so your mindset is developed yo use a strategy often and may be you get succeed most of the time and jave a thought that i am god or i am enough that's why you have pisces in 7H because your partner is a perso who never think. They will teach you how to get free from your active defence system and urge to controll everything they hsve a very flowing energy which make you to leave yourself in life flow. And everything is not logical something are out of our mind and in god hands.

Pisces = you are a person who believe in spirituality and often judt dream about things . You mostly not use your mind and think its all god wish but god is busy so thats why you have virgo in 7H your partner going to teach you a lot about how to work logical mostly in matters of enemies and life. They going to teach you its ok to make plans and give your hundred percent because as a human atleast we can do what's in our hands.

©️ kiddotarot

[mywitchyblog]

Interviewing Hekate About Reality Shifting

Im Making this post with is a interview with the godess Hekate where i ask her via tarot about Reality Shifting im planning on making more content which is both about witchcraft and reality shifting so for the time being enjoy this little interview (i tried to make it so the meaning of the cards are transcribed into an interview like response) If this post reaches 50 reactions i will make a part two and you can give me questions you would like to ask her and i will put them in the next part:

Question one : What do you think about Reality Shifting ? 

Answers (Moon , Page of cups in Reverse , Three of wands):

"Reality shifting? Ah, it's a fascinating concept. You see, it's not as simple as many might think. It's like walking through a moonlit forest - beautiful, but filled with shadows and uncertainty.

At its core, reality shifting taps into the deepest parts of your subconscious. It's not something you can approach with just your logical mind. You need to embrace your intuition, to be willing to step into the unknown.

Now, I won't sugarcoat it - many find it challenging at first. It's common to feel blocked, like you're trying to express something but the words just won't come. This is normal. It's your mind grappling with new concepts, new ways of perceiving reality.

But here's the exciting part - if you push through these initial difficulties, reality shifting can open up incredible new horizons. It's like standing on a cliff edge and suddenly being able to see far beyond what you thought possible. It expands your understanding of what reality can be.

In essence, I see reality shifting as a profound tool for personal growth and exploration. It's not easy, but for those who persist, it offers the potential to experience existence in ways they never imagined possible.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hekate, many people are curious: How can they know that Shifting is real?"(three of wands rv, seven of pentacles rv, justice rv,)

Let's imagine I'm interviewing Hekate about this question. Here's how she might respond based on the cards drawn:

"Hekate, many people are curious: How can they know that Shifting is real?"

"Ah, that's a complex question, and the answer might not be what many are hoping to hear. You see, the reality of Shifting isn't something that can be easily proven or disproven in conventional ways.

First, it's important to understand that the journey of Shifting often doesn't unfold as quickly or dramatically as one might expect. Many become impatient, waiting for immediate, tangible results. But that's not usually how it works.

There's also a lack of concrete, measurable outcomes in the traditional sense. People often look for physical evidence or scientific validation, but Shifting operates on a different plane of experience. It's more subjective, more personal.

And here's the thing: the concept of what's 'real' isn't as black and white as we often think. Our perception of reality is shaped by our beliefs, experiences, and understanding. Shifting challenges our conventional notions of what's possible.

So, how can people know if Shifting is real? It's less about external validation and more about personal experience and inner knowing. It requires a willingness to question your assumptions about reality, to be open to experiences that don't fit neatly into conventional understanding.

For many, the 'realness' of Shifting comes through consistent practice, patience, and a willingness to trust their own experiences, even when they can't be objectively measured or proven to others. It's a deeply personal journey of exploration and self-discovery."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hekate, why do you think some people, often called 'Anti-Shifters', don't believe in Shifting?"(queen of swords rv, tower, magician rv,)

"Ah, the skeptics. Their disbelief stems from several factors, and it's quite a volatile topic.

Firstly, many Anti-Shifters approach the concept of Shifting with a rigid, closed-minded perspective. They're often quick to dismiss ideas that don't align with their current understanding of reality. There's a tendency to cut down new or unconventional ideas without truly exploring them.

But here's where it gets interesting - their disbelief often comes from a place of upheaval or fear. Shifting challenges the very foundations of how they perceive reality. It's like a tower crumbling - when faced with concepts that shake their worldview so fundamentally, many retreat into skepticism as a form of self-protection.

There's also a misunderstanding about the nature of Shifting itself. Some Anti-Shifters might be looking for grand, magical demonstrations or irrefutable proof. They might expect Shifters to perform like stage magicians, showing off supernatural abilities. But that's not what Shifting is about, and when they don't see these grandiose displays, they assume it must not be real.

In essence, their disbelief is often a combination of rigid thinking, fear of the unknown, and misunderstandings about what Shifting actually entails. It's easier for them to dismiss it entirely than to grapple with ideas that could completely transform their understanding of reality.

Remember, though, that everyone's journey is different. Some skeptics might eventually open their minds, while others may never be comfortable with the concept. The key is to respect different perspectives while continuing to explore and understand your own experiences."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hekate, how does one distinguish between a dream and a successful reality shift?" (queen of swords, two of pentacles rv, five of wands rv)

"An excellent question, and one that requires a sharp mind to navigate. The line between dreams and successful shifts can indeed be blurry, but there are ways to discern the difference.

First and foremost, approach this with a clear, analytical mindset. Unlike dreams, which often have a hazy, ephemeral quality, a successful shift tends to feel more vivid and coherent. You'll want to examine your experience with a discerning eye, looking for details and consistencies that dreams typically lack.

Now, I must caution you - don't get caught up in trying to balance too many criteria or overthinking the experience. That's a common pitfall. Overanalyzing can lead to doubt and confusion, tipping the scales of your perception. Trust your intuition along with your rational mind.

Interestingly, one key difference lies in the aftermath. After a successful shift, you're likely to feel a sense of inner calm and clarity, unlike the often chaotic or conflicting emotions following a vivid dream. There's typically less internal struggle or confusion about the experience.

Remember, the goal isn't to prove your shift to others, but to understand it for yourself. Focus on your own perceptions and feelings. With practice and attention, the distinction between dreams and shifts will become clearer, like a sword cutting through fog.

Ultimately, trust in your ability to discern. Your own clear-headed analysis, combined with the unique feeling of a shift, will guide you to recognize the difference."

[a-d-nox]

Hi. How Are you? I hope you are doing well.

I want to ask you about the Human Design. We have the Personality(Conscious) vs Design(Unconscious) sides. The design side has a birthdate, 88 days before the actual birthday. Why is that? I have watched that maybe the day of our souls entered the body, and one day I have looked its birthchart (with the birthdate of design side) and I kinda relate to it but idk if its convinient. Please, is the design chart valid or not? Thank you

human design: how does the design portion of the chart work?

hi, i briefly covered the purpose of the design chart and why i believe it's taken 88 days before. but i am happy to review some textbook reasons of why it's valid!

unconscious influences: the position of the planets 88 days before your birth represents genetic, cellular, and ancestral influences. these are traits that operate below your conscious awareness, but deeply affect your life and how you interact with the world. they are still their in the gates of your chart and grant you abilities but you are likely unaware that you have them.

the body’s intelligence: its how your body processes information and experiences; often operating on an instinctual or automatic level. this can be in terms of health, emotions, and physical responses to situations. again, these are unconscious abilities.

understanding conditioning: this reveal how external factors like family, culture, and society have shaped certain unconscious patterns or behaviors over time. it's a bit like pavlov's dogs or anything to that extent - your soul and the universe set up what you wanted to experience and where you would live and who you with. this part of the chart is that.

here is an example from my chart: the 4th gate for me is active but unconscious.

"4 - problem solver: fixing, solutions for problems that don't exist, over-preparedness, needing to always be doing something, puzzle lovers, can't understand something and getting anxiety from not being able to understand, over fixation, needing to lighten up, cleverness, having an answer for everything, whats relevant, etc."

this has more to do with how i was raised than it does with conscious effort in my opinion. my 13th gate is active and conscious i choose to listen to others (that's something i consciously do). i can't help it that i end up not being very comforting, but instead i go into problem solving mode. even if i am trying my hardest not to start problem solving and giving advice, the "how can i help fix this" dialogue starts in my head. and that is probably because no one was around to help me fix things when i was little. my father was absent, most of the time i spent with my stepmother but it was often in front of a tv. and my mother work a lot as my primary care taker and a single mother so i grew up in daycare. i had to learn to be independent and fix things on my own. unconscious i guess i always wanted to have help and advice from others so i actively do so in the waking world.

so i recommend looking at the design portion as things that guided you to becoming who you are - it might take a bit of self-reflection. but it does have validity. it has as much validity as a vedic and a topical chart, a solar return and a venus return, a persona chart, etc. it requires unpacking when you might not instantly understand "why?", but it's there.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my “suggest a post topic” button if you want to see a specific post or design related post next!

click here for the masterlist 

click here for more human design posts

© a-d-nox 2024 all rights reserved

[i-amyou]

hey I had a question!

so, the thing is, I honestly have been trying to sit with myself in silence, go beyond the mind and stay in the present moment as much as I can and sometimes I also feel genuine happiness and joy when I sit in silence so I often feel like I'm very close (ik that's the ego but still 😬) so, I usually do this at night before going to bed and it's not like I have set a time, it's just that that's when I genuinely feel like sitting in silence, thats when I genuinely feel peace but then it's only that moment I feel peace and happiness and the rest of the day I'm in my doer mentality, (like I'm in rn) where I feel like I need to learn more or do more or i have more doubts and fears, so sometimes I feel i should be a bit more disciplined and instead of scrolling through my phone or listening to music for no reason I could sit in silence but I often feel lazy and tell myself I shouldn't force it, and i remember Lester Levenson also once said that "effort is a sign you don't yet understand what needs to be done, if you want to attain something you should do nothing. the more you want something the less you will have it, when you no longer care about what happens, it will happen." but is sitting in silence and staying in the present moment effort? because every blogger anyway just say to go within and stay in silence, so should I actually discipline myself into doing that more? because I feel when I actually do that, that's when I feel peace and I'm not doubting but then sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it and that's never good, so should I just stick with staying in silence just at night like I mentioned because it feels natural only then? but what if that turns into a habit? I might have to drop that as well? 😭 plus what about the feeling like I need to do more for rest of the day? and honestly I've also let go of all my desires at this point, I used to have a HUGE list of desires that I wanted to "manifest" but now I honestly don't even feel like thinking about them lol, I'm just so sick of running around in circles im also just so sick of desiring at this point. all I really want rn is freedom but I'm afraid what if this now has become my biggest desire and how do I let go of this? 😭 and I also know that all the 'i' in my ask rn are me Misidentifying but I ig I just need this one answer and I fr am going to log off tumblr after this lol no more questions no more looking for external validation. I hope you understand what I mean:)

also thank you so much for helping so many of us, it means a lot 🤍

Alright. I'll keep it short.

So, you know you're misidentifying. That's a Misidentification in itself. As @infiniteko Chi said, all identification is Misidentification.

You know you're trying, but you feel like you need one last answer. You quoted Lester, and a whole bunch on other things which at the end of the day are just a whole bunch on nothing.

What we mean by going within is not sit in silence, but going beneath the surface. The surface is you identifying as this person and human body. Go beyond that, go within and take away every label from everything and see what you're left with. An ever Stretching silence would greet you, rest there.

"What to do, should I meditate, is it forcing, should I discipline" I don't know sweetie. Seriously.

Whatever you do, you can not stop being. Everything you do is a choice.

It's not complicated at all.

You're always " ". Regardless of what you do. By sending in this ask and by dwelling in these numerous what to do's you are getting indulged with the illusion more and more. If freedom is what you want then give everything up? See everything for what it is, an illusion. Even calling it an illusion is calling it something. It's all NOTHING.

To quote @cassandra-xx , as you go within and look deeper and deeper you'll find more of this nothingness. Endless.

Even these thoughts of fear and anxiety and being the doer are nothing but you getting more immersed in the empty appearance of the seeming person. Why involve with it when you can take a back seat and just observe it all, be aware of being aware?

It's not that serious, neither is it that complicated. So, let it all go. Rest and relax through whatever comes up. It's not YOU. Dwell in that awareness.

Okay, this is not short at all. But you get the point, right?

[justajsworkshop]

i think a topic i'd love to hear more about is something you wrote about before - the concept of not forcing yourself to imagine. why do you think people force themselves? i think it may be the pressure to change the 3d. have you ever been in that position? what do you think is the remedy to it?

oh, yeah. for sure! so, by the nature of existence, we can't really say what other people's experiences are like—only how we individually experience reality. this is something i'm working on curbing myself because i tend to veer into "we" territory since i was used to using that in my old coaching space.

so while i can't speak for what other people's experiencing of themselves and reality is like, i can definitely speak to my own! and if what i say resonates for you (whoever is reading this), then feel free to take this for a bit of your own self-reflection.

for the sake of simplicity and clarity, i'm going to use the term "to imagine" as a blanket term for affirming, visualizing, or any other use of awareness to experience yourself differently.

whenever i forced myself to imagine, the forcefulness was stemming from two main causes:

(1) because i saw the "use" of imagination as a means to an end. i thought i "had" to imagine in order to receive my desire. imagination was the process/requirement to fulfill, and my fulfillment was conditional upon it. this perspective inherently implies separation between me and my desire because imagination is what "fills in the gap."

as a result, i often imagined from a place of "i am not that which i desire to be, and i have to do this to get what i want." so, i was pushing myself to do this thing, with an underlying fear of nonfulfillment as the foundation for this imaginal act. so, even if i was exhausting myself to death affirming or visualizing, i was convicted of being a self who was not what i desired to be. so, you can guess what manifested: nonfulfillment. it was a perfect manifestation of who i said i was: a person who doesn't have what they want.

(2) i trusted my "efforting" more than my being. this is understandable because of all our conditioning and blah, blah, blah. but i don't want to give that too much credit or it gets easy to use as a crutch. i thought that success (i.e., fulfillment) was dependent on how hard i tried. so, i would be obsessing over every detail in an imaginal scene or getting it just right and perfecting the fuck out of it, which, of course, was not fun whatsoever.

i was caught up in my ego around my performance because i saw my fulfillment conditional upon how well i executed this imaginal act (the detail of visualization, how much i affirmed, the hours of saturation, etc.). when you perceive fulfillment as conditional upon your doing/efforting, then you set yourself up to be, well, really tired. lbr. because you're always going to be asking yourself "was it enough? did i try hard enough? did i work hard enough? did i affirm enough? saturate long enough? do it right?"

so, once again, i created a gap between fulfillment and nonfulfillment, and imagination, specifically the "correct" use of it according to an authority other than myself, was what i needed to be fulfilled. then, i'd look to the physical world (seeing it as separate from me) to validate that i had "done it right" by showing me the evidence of my fulfillment (i.e., did i get my shit yet in the 3D????). and this just created a never-ending loop of trying harder and harder to imagine "correctly", then not getting my desired external result because i was still convicted of being a person who was unfulfilled. cue: serious burnout.

and this is why i'm always talking about unity and understanding yourself as god/being in perfect unity with ALL things, including your desired experience. because seeing that fulfillment just is and that i'm already one with it, all it takes is me choosing it, has brought so much fun, ecstasy, and joy back to the experience of being again.

when i imagine, i'm not doing it from an assumption of nonfulfillment. i'm choosing my desired end and giving it to myself. every affirmation/visualization is me giving myself what i want. it's me saying yes to the perfect and total fulfillment i already am.

tom's video yesterday mentioned the distinction between a desire and desiring. there's nothing wrong with having a desire because if you have a desire, you just fulfill it by choosing it. they're one in the same. but if you're desiring, you're perceiving yourself as separate from that which you want, so ofc you're gonna push yourself to do all these processes and techniques thinking you have to in order to be fulfilled.

so, again, people can come into my inbox all they want and say "i know i am god, but—" and i know instantly that you don't actually understand what that means. because if you did, there's no "but" after that statement since god is literally EVERYTHING. how can there be a "but" to everything? to all that is?? to the absolute?? god just IS; god is all of existence itself. there's no "exception" that can ever be applicable here, so you're just quoting scripture back at me to justify your limitations. weird flex, but ok??

and this is why i'm always saying the first principle of manifestation is "be still, and know that i am god." and if it just sounds like WORDS to you or an intellectual concept, then you need to reflecting inwardly and ask yourself "who am i?" get curious until you see for yourself. set the intention to have your "aha" moment or to receive the explanation in a way that resonates with you if that phrasing doesn't do it.

otherwise, your fulfillment is always going to be/feel conditional upon a technique, method, process, or performance, and you're forcing yourself to do all this shit fearing you're not going to get what you want the whole time... and as edward art said, fear is just the misuse of imagination. guess what manifests!! because we're god all the time, whether we're conscious of it or not. so you being convicted of being someone who isn't fulfilled is just going to give you more nonfulfillment because you are reality; there is no separation.

[communicationandconversation]

Happy Disability Pride Month!

A few quick reminders/affirmations to share today, especially based around academia:

There are likely more disabled people in academia than you think. No, this does not mean you can slap a label of "high-functioning" on them and call it a day - it means you need to make any academic events and environments as accessible as possible.

Many disabled people are also queer. No, you cannot use this as a reason to discredit their experiences with queerness or the queer community as a whole. Disabled people deserve just as much autonomy and respect as everyone else.

Self-diagnosis is a valid form of disability. There are many reasons why someone may be unable to get a diagnosis: financial reasons, waiting lists, limitations to human rights, or a lack of understanding disability and intersectionality from medical professionals. Despite how the media may portray it, many self-dx disabled people have done extensive research into the disabilities they feel a connection with, and/or feel a strong connection to others in the community with similar experiences.

If you're in academia, consider looking into critical referencing practices! Many of them focus primarily on gender and race diversity in citations, which is also important, but a significant amount of disability research is done by able-bodied neurotypical researchers who are looking at disability from an external pov and see it as a deficit. By including disabled researchers more, we can make our conversations within research much more nuanced. Nothing about us without us!

If you're not sure how to make something more accessible, just ask! Maybe there's local communities/organisations you can get in contact with to ask for advice; you can look online to see if anyone's already given suggestions for something similar; or if it's something with a budget you could even hire an accessibility advocate to help. If you're enlisting the help of disabled people beyond basic advice, remember to make sure they're reasonably compensated for their time and labour.

Disabled people are allowed to feel pride for their identity! Disabilities have their pros and cons just like every other part of life, so those feelings of pride might not be there all the time, but that doesn't mean people need to feel ashamed. And if they do feel that pride all the time, good for them!

I hope every disabled person has a wonderful day/week/month/life and anything good that can happen does!

[madamesydney]

states + how to enter

hello !

today i will be talking about states and how to enter. i know this’ll help.

“what are states?”

states are a collection of beliefs, feeling we have towards ourselves, what we feel are true as a present fact. it’s who you are aware of being in the present, it’s who you are in your mind, the I AM. you switch states all the time wether you realize it or not. it’s natural. you can be in the state of richness, admired as well as being in the state of poorness and disliked. it all comes down to what state you frequently go back to. 

remember that you are not your state. you’re the person, the BEING who enters in and out of states. it’s like when you walk into a room, you’re currently occupying the room however you’re not the room itself. that’s like states. 

so if your bank account is -200$, it wasn’t you, you were in the state of being poor, your sp rejecting you, it wasn’t you, you were in the state of being the person who got rejected by their sp. you see what im saying? so instead of focusing on the material object, focus on the being, being the person who has them.

seeing states like this makes things easier because now you realize that the only thing you need to change is yourself. 

“so how do we change ourselves?” 

so change ourselves we need to understand how we manifests. like i said before, what manifests is not how long you stay in a state but how frequently you go back to a state. let’s say you want to manifest an sp. so you’re in the state of being the person who’s dating their sp. let’s say you’re in the state for 7 minutes, and then you frequently go back to the state of being the person who’s not with their sp. now what state do you think is gonna manifest? the state of you not being with your sp. remember that the world reflects your inner world. the world echo what you whisper in secret. 

it’s essential to remember that to become the person you want, you must leave the world alone. what do i mean leave the world alone? no, i don’t mean lock yourself in your room and repeat affs all day. i mean, genuinely leave it alone because there’s nothing you need to do now. you don’t change the world you change yourself. if you KNOW that you are the world and the world reflects your inner world, you’ll know there’s nothing to do. see the world as a mirror because it truly is. i’ll give an example. 

let’s say you’re manifesting a tesla. you’re in the state of BEING the person who is a tesla owner. you don’t look at the world and say “WHERE TF IS MY TESLA???”, there’s nothing to do because you already are the person who owns a tesla. the more your frequently go back to the state being a tesla owner, the more natural it feels and it’ll manifest. 

like neville said, many people would imagine “i am rich, i am wealthy” but internally they would feel “when’s my next dollar?” “where’s my money?”. to avoid this you need to completely immerse yourself into the imagination as if it’s the only reality. if you know the world reflects your inner self then you’d find it useless to look for external validation. 

manifesting isn’t about “getting” it’s about BEING

“ok great so how do we get into the state”

it’s very easy, once you decided you’re in the state, you’re automatically in. i know there’s people who think it’s a huge process of how to enter the state but it’s very easy, even saying to yourself “i’m in the state”. 

however there’s also different ways to enter the state if you’d like. this also depends on how you think because we all don’t think in the same way. we sometimes think in pictures, inner convos and etc. i personally think in inner convos. 

so if i were manifesting a tesla, i’d be in the state of a tesla owner. i’d ask “what would a tesla owner think?”, so i’d have inner convos like “oh i wonder where i parked was a nice spot, i should charge my phone before i get locked out again, should i change the colour of my tesla?” and stuff like that. once you realize you’ve fallen out of the state, you can use any method to go back to it. 

if i thought in affirmation (or if my favourite method was affirming), i’d just affirm “i’m in my desired state or “i’m a tesla owner” and move on. if i feel myself getting out of the state throughout the day I affirm once again. remember it’s how much you frequently go back to the state which manifest, not how long you stay in the state. even asking yourself “what would a tesla owner think and feel” is enough. 

remember how you think and feel is different from the way i think or feel. feel free to think however you want !

“but how do i know if i’m in the state or not?”

the way to find out if you’re in the state is your thoughts. like i mentioned before, you change states 24/7, it’s inevitable however it’s the state you frequently come back to that manifest. with that being said you cannot serve 2 states at a time. you cannot be in the state of the wish fulfilled and in the state of lack, it’s one or the other. i’ll give an example. let’s say two people named sam and phoebe are trying to manifest a job. 

let’s say phoebe’s thoughts are like this 

“i wonder how i’m gonna receive the manifestation” 

“it’s been a couple of days and no sign of my manifestation :/” 

“omg i forgot to affirm! now the manifestation won’t come in time” 

and sam’s thoughts are like this

“i love my job” 

“my coworkers and managers are the best” 

“every single shift is so much fun” 

now tell me, which one of them is gonna manifest their desires? yep, it’s gonna be sam! we can tell that phoebe’s state is the state of lack and sam’s state is the state of the wish fulfilled. phoebe is aware of the fact that her desire isn’t here right now whilst sam is being who she wants to be in the present moment. 

i know lots of people feel “stuck” because of reasoning. we need to understand reasoning come from fear. reasoning asks when it’ll happen, how it’ll happen and many more. to get what you want, to become the person who receives their manifestation, you must abandon your reasoning. to abandon reasoning is to bring things to the present moment. you must stop thinking about your desires in a future moment and think about it from the present moment. instead of thinking when it’ll happen, fulfil yourself because it is happening right now in your inner self. there’s no need to look outside to know when it’s coming because YOU are the confirmation. if your inner world is saying that your desire is happening NOW then it will happen NOW. it’s like when you order a package. you don’t question how the mailman is gonna drive to your house or who’s gonna drop your package, there’s nothing to do anymore once you press “order. 

manifesting isn’t about changing what you see in the mirror, it’s about changing yourself, it’s about being the person you want to be so that the mirror changes. look at the world like a mirror.. because it is. if you have dirt on yourself and you look in the mirror, you’re not gonna wipe the mirror, you’re going to wipe yourself. 

let’s say you’re manifesting your desired appearance. if you’re imagining or thinking in the future moment, as in you’re thinking about your glow up happening later then you have completely failed the inner man. you will continuously just manifest nothing or small movement because your inner man is telling you it’ll happen later. well, that later will keep being later until you realize you need to fulfil in the present moment. to fulfil yourself you must abandon the world and think in the present moment. the being, the person who has that glow up, is you right now. 

the same voice that puts you into the nightmare is the same voice that frees you - Edward Art

a lot of people make this mistake of thinking in the middle. thinking in the middle is manifesting the steps, the middle. so i’ll give another example with an sp. let’s say you’re manifest an sp right? you want to be with them correct? but in the present moment, you’re being the person who gets a follow back. or being the person who sees them in the hallway. however, the end would be you being the person who’s in a relationship with your sp. why are you trying to manifest small steps?? go to the end! i know for some they wanna manifest small steps because it’s comfortable for them. at first, when being the person who has your desires, it’ll feel weird. neville gave this example of being a suit. at first, it feels weird or uncomfortable but later it’ll feel natural. 

another example about thinking in the middle could be trying to manifest a job but you’re thinking about nailing getting a job interview. if your manifestation is the job, you being employed, why are you thinking about the process?

remember once you enter the state, let. it. go. there’s nothing to do anymore because it’s already done. you don’t need to hold onto your state. your only job is to frequently return to your desired state whenever you think about your desire. so if you think about your desire 4 times a day, return to your desired state 4 times a day. 

“ok but what about negative thoughts? what do we do about those?”

whenever we speak about states there’s people who ask about negative thoughts and how to control them. what if i told you, there’s no need to control them. i know we’re used to hearing “flip your negative thoughts” which is bad because you’ll just end up in a warfare in your mind especially if you have OCD, ADHD or any form of mental illness that repeats negative thoughts. i know i’ve had my fair share of repeated negative thoughts. all you have to do is.... nothing! let it pass. look at it like someone who got water thrown at their face, you may said wow that’s insane, and move on. you walk pass it. i know it takes practice but once you master it you’ll be free. read this reddit post for more information about this.

speaking of forcing, i’ve noticed a lot of people have difficulty staying or returning in the state of numerous reasons, but i don’t understand why you wouldn’t fall in love with your desired state. persisting is not a chore, it’s not something you should dread, persisting is simply experiencing being the thing you want to be, being the person who’s that happening to.

one woman in neville’s teaching wanted to be an author, she asks neville “i want to be an author, what would you do in my position?” he responded with this “i’d imagine i’d see my book outside of a window, i would be looking at it at a bookstore and then i’d have people lined up eager to buy my book waiting to get into the bookstore. and i’d see people wanting my book so badly that i can’t keep up with making copies of it because people want it so much, and people would praise me and tell me how wonderful my book is”. now if your desire was to be an author, would that feel amazing? yes it would wouldn’t it? that’s why i say make it personalized to you. make it so that you can’t help but go back to the state. get creative! make it so that it’s natural to you to go back to the state. 

“naturalness is just effortless expressing, you don’t need to force it” edwart art 

this also reminds me of marilyn monroe’s story and how she unintentially manifested her fame. we all know that marilyn monroe was one of the OG it girl. the girl everyone wanted. did you know she manifested the way people look at her and her beauty? check out what she said in her autobiography

to end this off, i wanted to leave a video i highly encourage to watch. this is what help me understand states. 

https://youtu.be/yo09bDY1LZQ

happy manifesting

[eeblouissant]

15, 19, and 20 for the golden wives if you want!! That ask game is so cute omg

“do they always say I love you before leaving (a room, the house, etc)?”

Yes!! oh yes & all three of them do it in different ways imo!

Dorothy isn’t afraid to tell either (or both) of them that she loves them, it’s getting into specific thoughts & feelings that intimidates her (& ends in her shutting herself off most times). So she does, but she will never leave a room completely until the other(s) confirm that they’ve heard her. Yelling an ‘i love you (both)’ across the room & getting a response can be enough for her. Rose will normally come running to give her a quick kiss & Blanche follows behind to admire!! Not that she doesn’t also want to steal a kiss, and she will if she feels so inclined, but sometimes standing back & getting the look from Dorothy for smiling so unashamed while roses smothers her is exactly what she wants (she’s a little menace, I don’t make the rules I just follow them).

Rose is just the sweetest of sweethearts (as if that even needs to be said), neither of them leave the house (& most rooms) without a kiss, an I love you, and very often a ‘where are you going?’ (Because she wants to come with!! By the time she’s said that she’s already up & on her feet). She follows the both of them around the house a lot, so they’re never really out of her sight. But when they do leave the house without her she showers them in affection. Hugs & kisses, helping with their coats & shoes, last minute touch ups to hair & makeup, making sure there’s not a thing in the world they could possibly need before they leave– all of it!!

Blanche would be similar to Rose, but heavier on the physical touch side of things. Reaching out for hands/arms/wrists, so so many kisses. But I think hugs are her favourite before one of them leaves the house. Leaving a room I don’t think she’s as conscious of it (saying anything), but she always makes sure they’re a little loved on before leaving the house without her! I think she’d rather tag along whenever she can, so she’s never really saying goodbye to them.

‘How do they feel about PDA?’

oh boy. I think they’re very torn on this one:

For Dorothy it depends, but for the most part it’s a huge nono. Based on my own observation (& a hint of my own hcs) she seems to put her walls up impossibly higher when she’s outside of the house. So anything that could possibly send them crumbling down she’d avoid like the plague (or in this case, give a very stern warning to. Which she wouldn’t enjoy doing, especially not to either of them and especially not to poor Rose. Blanche understands, but rose seems to take it a little harder even after it clicks). I think there’s a chance of her warming up to the idea of a quick kiss on the cheek or linking arms, but it would never go very far on her part. & the others know (and would never cross) that! They know that if Dorothy is interested she’ll make it known.

Rose doesn’t hide her love for them, why would she? & in public the most of that energy gets thrown Blanches’ way (after she comes to understand Dorothy’s situation a little better, she’d never want to make her feel uncomfortable. The guilt would eat her alive). She shows the most affection towards Blanche but always makes sure that Dorothy knows that rose knows she’s also there. & that she loves her just as much. They share a look, & Dorothy smiles, & that’s enough for them.

Blanche, to me, is less touchy than I think most would like to believe. She loves the feeling of having someone (rose, mostly) on her arm or being on (hers). Her & Rose initiate equally & respond similarly. But blanche loves knowing that others know that she’s in love, for one reason or another. She’s not searching for external validation necessarily, I think she’s just a bit possessive. (Dorothy would also be that way, if she became that comfortable. Sort of an internal yes, she’s on my arm because she’s my wife. Jealous?) (and oh how Blanche would feed off jealous looks).

‘Choose one song that perfectly describes their relationship’

only one?!!! must I???

Because I can’t choose only one, I’m giving them each a song that I think describes their relationship perfectly from their perspective:

Dorothy: meadows in bloom by Jonathan Bree.

Rose: a lots gonna change by Weyes Blood.

Blanche: get free by lana del rey.

[lizzardthing]

I love shipping these whorish little men as much as anyone but can we take a moment for- asexual Toki?

I rly like the headcanon that Toki is ace and I never see anyone talk about it. Even before he regresses, Toki doesn’t really get the function or fun of sex. He bangs groupies, sure, but he’s not nearly as into it as the rest of Dethklok. When he talks to them about wanting to fall in love, none of them understand what he’s talking about. He wants a life partner. He wants to go on dates and start a family. But the sex isn’t really part of the interest to him.

When he finally meets the girl that’s supposed to be meant for him, he finds her repulsive. But I don’t think it’s just because her personality sucks or because she’s not physically attractive- that’s certainly a big part of it, but also, I think Toki is freaked out about the idea of having to fuck this person whenever they want forever. That’s no better than banging random groupies.

Now, I don’t think Toki completely hates sex. He obviously physically enjoys it and he gets the point- it feels good and it’s non commital, you don’t have to think about it. Just blowing off steam. My idea of asexual Toki doesn’t revolve around the idea he never has sex again- I’m sure occasionally he feels the need to do so and does. It’s not like it’s hard for him to find people interested.

But I do like the idea of Toki eventually, long after AOTD and recovering somewhat from the trauma he’s dealt with, just. Not being interested in sex. That’s never been what’s important to him, and after a long phase of being age regressed and sex being completely off his mind, once he’s mostly back to his normal self, he just doesn’t go looking for it. He gets more into his model planes. He actually starts focusing on guitar. He likes his hobbies, his music, his family. He’s unconcerned with the rock star persona-he was never good at keeping up with it anyways- and he’s just focused on having fun. Feeling fulfilled.

Picture Skwisgaar goading him, talking about how much more pussy he gets than Toki, trying to get a ride out of him, and Toki just being like yknow not everyone WANTS to bang groupies all the time? Some of us have better stuff to do.

Murderface teasing him, calling him gay and shit. Spying on him since he hasn’t seen Toki with any ladies, sure he’s gonna catch him with a guy one day, and eventually realizing Toki just. Is happy entertaining himself. Watching TV and playing video games and coloring by himself in his room, totally content.

Toki going to Pickles and Nathan, asking for advice, thinking somethings wrong with him because he doesn’t wanna bang chicks, and them just being like. Dude no one cares. It literally doesn’t matter.

I really like the idea of Toki actually, really being completely fulfilled and happy by himself. He loves his brothers, his family, they mean everything to him. He doesn’t need external validation from some random ladies he’s never gonna see again. He’s just HAPPY.

[alynswim]

Phoebe Cheats Hey Arnold Original air date: October 15, 1997 Part 2

[LINK TO PART 1] Phoebe meanwhile, thinking that her problem is solved. Returns home humming happily. Only to find Dickinson waiting for her there. Phoebe freaks out.

Dickinson begins to scold Phoebe about not putting in the hard work that she’s capable of and how she should have searched deep inside of herself like "all real poets do". Phoebe yells at Dickinson to leave her alone. Admitting that she knows she didn’t earn her and is ashamed.

Phoebe is tired of all the lying and cheating. She knows what she has to do.

At the open house, Phoebe comes clean to Mr. Simmons. Mr. Simmons, not angry but disappointed, asks Phoebe if she understands the full weight of what she did.

Simmons asks Phoebe, straight up: "Why was the contest so important to you that you decided to cheat?" Phoebe: "I’m used to being the best...that’s who I am."

Phoebe’s *entire* sense of self-worth is tied to always excelling in everything, especially academics.

Simmons responds: "Don’t you think there’s a lot more to Phoebe Heyerdahl than always being the best at winning awards?"

"I...really don’t know, sir", Phoebe responds, a tear going down her eye and having to look away from Simmons in shame.

It’s clearly a question that Phoebe has never asked herself before. She doesn’t even believe it to be true. "Well I’m sure of it", responds Simmons. Believing it for her.

Simmons encourages her to write a poem based on the feelings she has to be the best at everything and how it makes her feel when she doesn’t win. Simmons believes that there is a good poem hiding within *those* feelings.

And he’s absolutely correct. Phoebe has issues with self-worth and needs constant outside validation that she has value. She’s so used to getting it from teachers, grades, and school that the first time she doesn’t get it she isn’t able to handle it. It drives her to cheat.

It would do Phoebe some good to explore those feelings. A possible explanation could lie in Phoebe’s ethnic background. She’s Asian. Maybe there are some underlying overachieving and underloved issues stemming from that? It’s not unheard of.

Contrast that with Helga! Helga is smart too! But for Helga, doing well in school doesn’t matter to her, in fact, she could care less. Not because she’s dumb or whatever, but because Helga’s sense of self-worth comes from within (mostly).

She certainly wasn’t going to get validation from these two checked-out chucklefucks so Helga had to learn how to self-love pretty early on.

Not that Helga doesn’t have issues of her own, but one of the things she doesn’t struggle with the way Phoebe does is deriving her value from external sources. Sure, Helga cares if Arnold will love her back, but outside of that? Helga’s pretty comfortable with who she is. One thing that both Phoebe and Helga have in common however is that they both fear rejection of who they fundamentally are deep down inside.

Phoebe fears the rejection of her intelligence and Helga her emotions.

Remember when I wrote earlier about how writing is hard because it involves putting yourself out there? Writing isn’t the only way to do that. Look at artists of any stripe. It’s the same thing.

Hell, even just putting yourself out there *socially* is hard. It’s scary! What if we do it and people hate us? What if people tell us we’re no good? Could you handle that type of rejection?

I sympathize with Phoebe I really do. I’d be lying if I said there aren’t times when I really wish that people would validate me and my work. To tell me I’m good.

People steal and plagiarize for personal gain all the time, for sure that’s a thing. But I also think a fair amount of people do it because deep down their biggest fear is being vulnerable.

It takes courage to spill your guts out; to show the world how you really feel. Will they take it (you) well or will they reject it (you)?

At the end of the episode, Phoebe does the right thing and reads the legitimately best poem in her class. Written by "Anonymous".

Helga takes it well.

And that was Phoebe Cheats! A great episode and a poignant one about self-worth!

[granulesofsand]

not believing survivors, as a survivor? it's something we've struggled with a lot. at first it was just for our own trauma with specific phrases directed at ourself and distractions (like we'd suddenly stop any conversation/research and be watching a video with no idea how we got there), but now it seems like because that stopped working as well our brain has decided to pull up feelings/phrases to disbelieve *all* survivors. it makes us feel very guilty and we're not sure how to help ourself or even uf this is a program

🗝️🏷️RAMCOA, deprogramming, guilt

Holding Space

Disbelief is a common response for survivors, and can be for anyone in these situations. You’re not alone, and you’re not being bad for having a hard time.

There are a couple things you can do to practice holding space for yourselves and others. Programming around this area typically relies on natural, exacerbated issues and may loosen as you learn.

One of the things our therapist says a lot is that it doesn’t really matter whether or not you’re telling the truth as long as doing the work helps heal you. Human brains are very good at imagining, so processing needs to happen even if it is all made up.

Empathy

Empathy is a good skill to work on. You can start with whichever side comes easier, yourself or others, and pick a topic that feels more neutral.

There are different kinds of empathy, and any of them are a good place to start. Empathizing with others, including inside others, can help build communication and alleviate social guilt.

Emotional empathy is feeling others as though they were yourself, which some people really struggle with. For example, if someone crying makes you sad too.

Cognitive empathy is knowing how others are thinking and how they feel as a result. Maybe someone spills a drink on their white shirt, and you understand that there would be shock at the sensation and distress over stains.

Compassionate empathy can build on either of those, or on the knowledge of social etiquette. This is when you take appropriate action as a display of sympathy, which doesn’t require putting yourself in their shoes. Consoling an anxious peer would be a correct response to another’s experience.

In practice, a consensual sharing of trauma can be validated regardless of whether you truly believe someone, and you can do this as though you were giving a textbook right answer if that’s all that feels tolerable.

A goal would be to gain proficiency in whichever kind of empathy is possible for you. Sometimes none of them are available to you, and distancing from scenarios that require empathy is the best choice for now.

Distress Tolerance

Similarly, it’s more difficult to hold space if your window of tolerance is too low. Distress is a normal reaction, but overdoing it can lead to dissociation or inappropriate action.

Building distress tolerance is slow going, and requires pushing yourself to go a little further every time until you’re comfortable sitting with high arousal topics.

You won’t be ready to look at extreme trauma, internally or externally, until you can withstand the steps leading up to it.

You might be able to respond well to someone who scraped their knee, but not someone who survived sexual assault. Finding your comfort level will help you build, and you might have to start from scratch.

Identifying your own emotions as you tolerate those of others is quite helpful, and that might be another goal if you currently are unable.

Programming

For programming specifically, you can do the ol’ faithful inside inquiry. Ask if anyone is making this happen, and be prepared for responses that aren’t in words or don’t come at all.

Building internal communication around programs is another bullride, and that empathy and distress tolerance are good to have available. I might be able to help with that, too, if it comes up, but it’s nice to have autonomy over your own internal affairs.

Please let us know if you have other questions, or if I didn’t answer this as you needed. Thank you and good luck.

[astrxlfinale]

1. What made you pick up this character? 6. What’s the worst thing about the fandom? (I know you answered it already, but give me the 2nd or 3rd worst!) 16. What is your personal ship bias for your canon character? 17. Are there any ships you can’t stand, why?

Look at'cha giving me an even spread. (Even though I know you're eyezooming hard at those salt related ones I bet. :p)

That said Sae, let's get cracking!

1.What made you pick up this character?

Sweet and simple reason? Delinquent energy.

For my whole RP stint, (Say sans the exceptions of Sora and Thoma, but even THEN, I'd say they have the fine makings if you pay attention to those details.) that's naturally been the archetype that I've gravitated towards. I love the wild sense of freedom, a brazenness to clash firm against the status quo, a heart that's rowdy but authentic, time and time again I just find myself magnetized to this concept. And in kind? I see it in Caelus in spades. It made me want to devote to that core while gaining a firm understanding of the external and internal veins that truly make him stand out.

I have to say it's been a fun journey! All it took me was some solid time of just playing the game, seeing firsthand that kind of fire that lurks within them that I'd love to make better recognized. While it has been recco'd to me (to try the game) prior, it's only when I hop into matters myself and really embrace my immersion do the answers proceed to click for me.

So Caelus is certainly is here to stay as a beloved muse of mine.

6. What’s the worst thing about the fandom? (I know you answered it already, but give me the 2nd or 3rd worst!)

No see for this I always come prepared. (Lord what does that say about me. LMAO.) If there's one thing I believe that singlehandedly send Fandom experiences to high hell?

Keeping the need for validation unsanctioned.

This right here is where it gets personal from where I take it, where the ego gets involved, where the lines blur between what someone enjoys and how respect should naturally be taken into account, yet it never does. This has been a core reason that things like Ship Wars exist or why there's prolonged, extended arguments (dives into translations, etc etc) to have some point proven and never to be argued against. Why you'll see people take content and turn it into online gang wars, moreso just to drive out 'dissonance'. Sae, this is one of the top things that make me tired in fanbases.

People will choose not to respect spaces appropriately, the fight to prove something as 'canon' is not any pursuit of truth, it's simply to pat themselves on the ass for crushing any ~nonsensical point~ they found themselves personally detesting, for it hurts their feelings, it annoys them, it's an itch that cannot be ignored.

And it's often why when I catch some 'angles' of how people behave similar to this certain root of fandom behavior, that I intend to avoid them like the plague. It's a lack of respect and a desire to be obnoxious in lieu of trying to keep their own 'sanity' intact that things proceed to become unbearable. That said, I've noticed it's not even often based on any root to genuinely consider, rather, it's just to make them feel good.

Which if you WANT to look at it that way? Sure, by all means. Just understand that the World is big and that a baseline of respect can go the longest way for someone not making themselves look like a fuckwit. I primarily see this going for when people get their Favorites then proceed to say this character exist ONLY in one (their) way, in a fictional medium, where possibilities are meant to be explored to begin with!

16. What is your personal ship bias for your canon character?

Oh I came prepared for this one! See there happened to be an ask that also held curiosity on this matter. So! Lemme link that HERE for some insight!

17. Are there any ships you can’t stand, why?

When it comes to shipping? I'll go on a limb and say for Star Rail and Genshin there's no ships in themselves that incited ire and/or annoyance in me. Rather, it's the sheer level of hell they can respective attract (shoot, characters in their solitary can do the same) that proceeds to make me dive my face directly into a bundle of salt.

It's the artform of shipping in itself that I often seen get horrifically messy. Primarily in the realm of character bastardization, and in my opinion, how it's a far cry from what can actually be some fun, in-verse possibilities. That happens to be my core annoyance when it comes to things I'd enjoy. The base is always vested in the fandom flanderized alternates of said characters. I feel like I'm never getting a core, an idea where I can be like 'damn I never considered this before!' and more like 'Wow, it's the 200th time I seen a story of Thoma stuck in Ayato's basement. It's like they're the 50 shades caricatures AGAIN.'

So then I accept that reading is a dying art.

While I'll realistically understand that indulgence is what motivates things, everyone has their taste, and I have my damn right to say when I'm looking at some hot hell firsthand.

I'm someone who can be pretty reasonable with a wide range of ship possibility myself, and am down to explore bright pastures to wildly chaotic scenarios. That however, depends on the execution.

@araneitela

@kauma-kardia

[stuckinapril]

I have kind of a question or need for advice? I don’t mind if followers want to respond either. This is a bit convoluted and like word vomit, but anyway:

So one of my main points of insecurity is that I’ve never had anyone ask me out or take an interest in me before. I’m 24 and never kissed anyone either. All of my sisters are much better looking (my sister was literally accepted into a modeling agency) and have boyfriends, or have had experiences. All are younger. All are on their own or living separate. I still live with my mother. She had a surprise baby when I was 21 and has been a single mom for most of my life. I get paid to watch him and love him a lot. That being said I am also in therapy for a PTSD diagnosis, related to difficult childhood issues, and had a difficult experience last year that put a stop to trying to seek independence. I’ve started another online program, but have routinely failed exams and can’t seem to get through assignments without cheating, and am going to likely fail out of one of these programs. I feel incompetent, like I’m wasting my life and completely directionless and a bit of a loser. I live in my head a lot, and probably have some maladaptive tendencies, it just feels like I can’t function, that I’m not as good as other people, then I also feeling like I’m narcissistic and can’t see things as clear as others.

I don’t know what question I have for you, but if you have any advice or thoughts even if it’s difficult I’d be happy to hear it. I just feel very lost and am alarmed at almost the nonchalance acknowledgement of these feelings.

first of all: take a deep breath & acknowledge you’re human. it sounds to me like you’ve been through some shit in the past, & that has taken your story in a direction you didn’t expect/don’t seem to be satisfied with. that is entirely ok. it also sucks to have younger sisters society would deem as more successful. i could preach how comparison is the thief of joy, but i understand why that’s really fucking hard in your position. i completely & totally get it.

ik women are led to believe they’re like. ancient by 30. but you’re only 24. just let that sink in. 24 is seriously not that long at all. it’s not a big deal you didn’t have a romantic experience by this age; more women than you would probably guess are in the same position. hell, some women literally strive for celibacy. this is not unheard of. & if you truly wanted to, an experience wouldn’t be hard to come by. dating apps have made it, now more than ever, extremely accessible to get male attention.

i’m not telling you this from an angle of “yeah it’s not as hard as u think, go make an account lol” but more so just pointing out that it’s not out of reach, to alleviate your urgency about that (if you feel any). bc you seriously could get that experience whenever you want. but it doesn’t mean you should. & while that decision will always be yours to make, my take (at the threat of sounding presumptuous) is that you shouldn’t right now. not if you want a relationship less for the companionship & more for the external validation. not if you’d use a relationship as a means to run away from yourself. a relationship should add to your happiness, but it should never be the source of your happiness. i would never tell anyone to be perfect before entering a relationship; but they should at least be in a stable-enough mental state not to fall prey to codependency. codependency will fuck you up even more. it’s better to just sort your shit out now & go from there.

it also doesn’t say anything that no man has approached you. like literally nothing about your worth at all. some women know how to present themselves as approachable, while others are more closed off & that wards off interest. it’s usually really tied less to who you as a person & more to whether you present yourself as on the market haha.

i personally don’t think living w a parent is indicative of anything tbh… like someone could live w their parent & still be entirely independent. it’s totally contextual. it seems to me like you & your mom established a symbiotic relationship, which is good. this doesn’t mean total independence isn’t off the table for you. it just seems like what you have rn is working, and that’s no crime.

you’re not a loser. at all. whatsoever. you’ve just been dealt different cards—from your sisters, from your friends, from anyone you could possibly be comparing yourself to right now. if you truly didn’t care, you wouldn’t be thinking about it with the meticulousness i can clearly sense in this ask. acknowledge that. thank yourself for seeming self aware of any potential issues you have, & your willingness to work on them. you’re literally going to therapy. that is so big. many people don’t have it in them to take that step. with time & patience for yourself, you will build the life you want for you. just keep your wants in sight, keep facing issues in therapy, keep trying to do better bit by bit. stop w the self flagellation. replace comparison w gratitude for what you currently have, and acknowledgement of what you’re capable of/what you could be falling short of. don’t settle, but don’t beat yourself up for not being where you’d like to be yet. change can’t happen in a day. as long as you keep trying, that’s literally all that matters, cliche as that may sound.

self-compassion is not laziness—it’s simply acknowledging you’re human, while also striving to improve.

nothing is out of reach. you just need to be more compassionate to yourself, & keep in mind that healing is a process that cannot be rushed. but it’s so worth it. you’re so young. it’s never too late to live the life you truly want

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello FemmeFataleVibe! I have a question for you: how does a woman reconcile her sexuality and being a high value woman (HVW)? Are there certain desires or kinks a HVW should not have? What is the appropriate protocol in regard to disclosing past relationships or lack thereof to a suitor/dating prospect?

Hi love! Fun question. I believe that part of being a HVW is fully accepting, exploring, and owning your sexuality without any shame but understanding the importance of discretion in the public eye.

While any sexual preferences and (protected) consensual encounters, regardless of age, frequency, number of partners (lower or higher), etc., you prefer or decide to act on are morally neutral, it is best to keep these personal details to yourself along with your closest friends, a therapist, trusted mentors (could be a mom, aunt, or big sister figure), and partners on a need-to-know basis because this information can be used against you if in the wrong hands. Also, being crass – like being close-minded about sexuality and sexual preferences – reads as a sign of immaturity and/or insecurity.

Everyone has the right to the privacy of their own mind. So, I believe it is essential to accept your desires as they are. You cannot control what arouses you past a certain degree. The important thing is to know what desires are ethical to act on or in your best interest to share with others. I believe that any kinks outside of the ones where consent is not possible (involving children, animals, corpses, etc. – these are sick fantasies that require mental health treatment and, as far as I know, are not acceptable within kink communities), it is essential as a HVW to discern whether you find a particular kink(s) to be sexually gratifying or if they're rewarding purely because they satisfy a partner's desires (or perceived desires) and offer you a sense of external validation. While I don't identify as a radical feminist, I do agree with their philosophy on how the mainstream porn industry has negatively impacted how we approach sex and sexuality. The violence portrayed and its sole focus on male pleasure that it conditions (especially young) people to believe is the "right" or socially-acceptable way to engage with sex and their sexuality is concerning. Normalizing nonconsensual choking, face slapping, and anal sex are vile things to promote in society. With that being said, I don't think kink-shaming is necessary if two consenting adults (or older teens) discuss what they (genuinely) like and don't like and act according with respect to each others' boundaries.

I believe that discussing past relationships (or lack thereof) with a new partner should not be done upfront and on a need-to-know basis. Your first in-person meeting with a partner (whether it's a casual activity, coffee date, dinner, sexual encounter, etc.) should be focused on establishing the connection between you two and seeing if there's potential/compatibility there. If a new suitor asks about your relationship history very early on (let's say 1-3 meetings or a month into a new relationship), I think it's best to provide a truthful, high-level answer to the question such as: "My most recent relationship was a serious 2-year relationship ended 1 year ago, since that relationship ended, I've been learning about myself to determine what I'm looking for in an ideal partner/compatible lover." Even if you've never had an official relationship or long-term partner, know that if you have a good track record of sustained friendships (and especially if you have previous sexual experiences), you have all of the ingredients necessary for a romantic partnership. Don't stress about formalities. You have relationship experience, just a different type of relationship experience. Every partner and relationship is different, so we're all learning as we go through life anyways.

Anyone who feels the need to ask detailed questions about your past relationships upfront is a huge red flag. The same goes for anyone who talks about their exes right away and elaborates or dwells on the details of their relationship (this person is definitely not over their ex, lol). Your sexual history is no one's business outside of asking for negative test results and/or discussing exclusivity. Preferences, though, should be discussed once intimacy is in the immediate future.

Hope this helps xx

[shifuto]

hey you, yeah you

someone asked me a while ago about how I managed to build my self-esteem and I suspect the answer was not what they wanted to hear but hey, maybe it helps someone else

get a therapist and get to work, it's probably going to suck

external factors

so I believe most mental illnesses are worsened by external stuff (no, your brain is not broken, yes, I'm including stuff like ASD and ADHD here, but these are NOT the only neurodivergencies so jot that down first), heck I even believe they are caused by it and it gets passed down genetically etc.. well, the point is "you can't heal where you've been hurt" is true whether it's a harmful place or harmful people. You need to get out

now it is hard for folks to get out, I get it. Money is a big problem, lack of support is another, too. Do what you can however you can. Oftentimes trying to "fix" something/someone/a place who is "broken" is not going to work so you have to move the fuck on. Move away. Cut them off. Do what you can but do something

it might hurt, you might regret it, you might suffer, it's going to be awful probably.. but maybe not.. either way, it might not be easy and that's fine. Change is often not easy, even when, and especially when it's good for you. The other side is worth it, at least it was worth it for me <3

internal factors

that's your internal work and doing things for yourself for your own sake. To me, it helped when I started asking myself "what do you want?" and going from there. Sometimes it's not easy to find because maybe you've been so conditioned to serve others and looking at yourself was seen as "selfish" - yeah but that's bullshit, go unlearn that stuff. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, you're not responsible for other people's issues with you, etc etc etc

yeah you don't really need to love yourself to death or anything, you know? It's hard to do that when you come from a place of pain I guess, it will happen regardless the more you heal. Be patient, try to be compassionate, you don't have to be best buddies with yourself to treat yourself with respect. Give it time and it will happen

to me this year was special because of all things that have happened to affirm my lack of gender and, therefore, me becoming more comfortable literally existing. I was always like "no I'm fine everything is alright :3" but what do I know?! Sometimes "fine" is just what's familiar to you, doesn't mean what's good or best for you. You can get used to a lot of things, including things that will hold you back without you even realizing

well after that I feel like.... it's smooth sailing... sorta

I do not need other people's validation and I know my worth and value enough to not put myself through bullshit, so I stopped doing that. It only happened this year when I finally managed to get into this good mental space, with an actual self-esteem

it's isolating? Yeah a little but just goes to show you how much people are only around for as long as they can manipulate you or take advantage of you, among other things, or they're simply in different stages of healing in their own personal journeys and struggles, and there's no space for them in your life, or for you in theirs. No one's fault, it just happens. It could be so many things, really

I used to not understand why I was coming off as so "intimidating" to people because I was just existing and being myself and that is PRECISELY why: confidence and emotional maturity can be triggering to people because it makes them face their own insecurities and issues they are not addressing or do not want to address - and that's literally not your problem or something for you to fix. They might want to project their shit onto you but it will reflect right back at them because you know who you are and what you want, and you will not be swayed as easily, and so on

so yeah.. remove yourself from unsuitable or harmful environments and cut off unsuitable or harmful people if you can, even if it's your home, even if it's your family/friends/partners, so you can actually fucking heal from your shit. Yeah probably gonna suck, you'll be probably lonely and it will be probably horrible (do you see me complaining about it all the time? Yeah ^^;) but there's nothing compared to this peace of mind and being able to show up for YOURSELF and to stop settling for crumbs. It's empowering as fuck, even with loneliness. I'm happy with myself even with the pain, I'm happy I'm able to say "no" and I'm happy I'm not trapped in unsuitable situations in unsuitable places with unsuitable people. I'll take the loneliness, please and thank you!

ask yourself what the fuck do you want and try to honor that shit. Is it something you want because you want it or is it because you're looking for external acceptance/validation? Because if it's external, you'll never find peace in your life, because you'll always need to seek and seek, it's gonna suck and drain you. To me, it helped finding the things I'm passionate about and just diving deep. Yeah, get some hobbies, reconnect with older passions, find new shit to love, etc.. it can tell you a lot about yourself. You can do it with others too, but you are the priority here

try making the changes you want to change, even if it feels pointless or too much work, you do not know how you'll feel after - that was literally how I got here: "well this doesn't really bother me anymore so why would I change it" and then I went and changed it and suddenly I have a goddamn self-esteem. Don't take that stuff for granted, follow your heart, your mind, your gut, whatever that is, (being mindful of traumas and triggers and anxieties too) and see where it will lead you

making space for yourself, showing up as yourself and just enjoying your own presence and being yourself is not a mistake or a bad thing. I personally think it opens up space for people and places that actually matter to me, because I'm not so busy fretting over people who don't want me or cherish me how I need them to, or being in places I do not want to be just because that's what I'm "supposed" to do, etc

honor what you want, be nuts about something you enjoy and your self-esteem will flourish <3

good luck