#i need another fucking coffee

[chancellorxofxtrash]

I had only seen spoilers of the new Geats ep so far but I'm gonna Rudi Wenders-ify Michinaga in my mind you can't stop me

Thing is I had been wanting to write that vampire!AU for the Geats OT4 and originally I wanted to write Michinaga as being turned into a vampire, but then I decided I could adapt Vamp!lore instead then I remembered Rudi and I went OH SHIT

And because not a lot of people know Rudi in the west (in fact, only like ten people do) (and only like two of us know both him AND Michinaga, lol), lemme ramble a bit about him.

Rudi Wenders is a character in Narita Ryohgo's light novels titled Vamp! To give a brief synopsis about those novels - they are about vampires. Duh.

Rudi isn't a vampire, though. Rudi befriended a vampire he shouldn't have, and in return, that vampire destroyed Rudi's entire life. He killed everyone around him, pretty much only leaving Rudi and his best friend (who also befriended the vampire) alive. So Rudi stayed behind, broken, traumatized - and filled with rage and hatred for all vampires. (Trauma -> hatred for an entire group based on that. hmmm.)

So when he was approached by other vampires to work for them, to get the power to be stronger, to be able to hunt vampires - he accepted. He willingly worked for other vampires in his pursuit of power, wanting to hunt down the person who destroyed his life. And he got stronger. And stronger. And stronger. (blinded desire to get stronger, even accepting powers from shady sources in a way that could be deemed hypocritical hmmm)

And it reached the point his body started to literally fall apart because it just couldn't keep up with what he had done to himself. (HMMMM I WONDER WHERE I AM GOING WITH IT)

And through all these years of breaking his own body apart, festering in his own rage and thirst for revenge he got completely blinded. See, he also blamed himself. "If I wouldn't have befriended that vampire, none of that would have happened", and so it reached a point when he had seen other humans being close to vampires he went absolutely berserk. He damn near killed that human in his blinded rage. (So... seeing someone who is kinda naive, and represents something that conflates with your worldview - aka "vampires and humans cannot coexist" or "all kamen riders suck", and going murderous on them? HMMMMMM.)

Rudi looked at himself, and realised a simple truth - in his quest for power and revenge, he became just as bad as the vampire who set his hometown on fire and murdered everyone there.

And Rudi decided "I don't care" and he kept going. (Hmmmm)

The thing about Rudi is, though - all these years of rage, and when he was standing face to face with Theo (the vampire who ruined his life) again - well. That confrontation did Not go the way he thought it would.

Narita in general is a very interesting writer because Revenge is a theme that comes back through many of his stories, and always treats it differently - there are characters who get their revenge, and then go and live normal lives, there are characters who get their revenge and realize they are irreversibly broken by that point, there are characters who decide revenge just simply isn't worth it.

Rudi isn't allowed to get his revenge, and Rudi breaks.

He decides he doesn't care about cycle of revenge shit. He doesn't care if he is becoming as bad as Theo. And yet, he breaks. Because he realizes he didn't know everything about Theo, and what happened that night, and why did they happen the way they did. Was his vengeance misplaced? No. It was still Theo who murdered all those innocent people and it was an irrefutable fact. But there were still pieced of the puzzle he didn't know and while it didn't absolve Theo of his sins, it sure as fuck placed a lot of things about Rudi's beliefs into a different context. Because Rudi was convinced that everyone had died because he befriended Theo, and that just means humans and vampires cannot coexist -> and let's just say that uhhhh the context was uhhhhh a tad bit different. Not different enough to completely flip a switch, but different enough to shake Rudi's entire worldview.

Also Rudi was supposed to die, only to have his cells forcefully reanimated, keeping him alive, so uh Get Jyamatoified Idiot

Sure you can argue Rudi had lost way more to go off the deep end the way he did - but he not only had done worse things, he also got broken more by the latest volumes. (Vamp! VI when?) Rudi went through a lot more harrowing shit (I barely even scratched the surface here, the entire thing is SUPER fucked up), but also Rudi had done A LOT OF FUCKED UP SHIT HIMSELF OKAY. Most Vamp! readers I know went through a period of "FUCK Rudi" while reading the books before we also got clobbered by the reveals, okay.

Rudi and Theo are not like Michinaga and Ace. Michinaga projects his hatred for Kamen Riders at Ace, who in his mind embodies everything that Riders are, meanwhile Theo is the direct cause of Rudi's trauma. Also because it's a written medium with revolving POV, we DO get to peek into Rudi's mind multiple times so we KNOW his thought processes exactly - there aren't even many illustrations of him, and only One where we do see his face, and that is post-breakdown. For Michinaga all we can go off are his words, actions, and how Mokudai plays him.

I wish I would have something smart to say. But last we saw Rudi he was a broken mess, his entire worldview kicked over again, and we don't know how his story will end. Maybe we never will. Editors don't seem to really want Narita to write Vamp! Editors don't really seem to let Narita publish Baccano! either let alone Vamp!, lol.

But the end result is the same - Rudi and Michinaga, two characters so blinded by their quest for revenge they were willing to destroy everything, including themselves to get it, consequences be damned. You could argue Rudi was a bit more self-aware about his own hypocrisy, but knowing and not caring is still fucked up, isn't it?

And yet I just want both of them to be happy in the end. I'd love for Michinaga to have a Rudi-esque breakdown in the end of the next arc. As long as he is happy afterwards. Because I'm not sure I'll ever see Rudi being happy in his own story.

Anyway, Rudi Wenders is neat, look at him

He's even basically a toku character, walking around in an armor for a lot of the time

[ducksoup17]

I cant believe these live in my house with me

[carcarrot]

well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job

[hungerpunch]

sometimes i think u ppl conflate "platonic" with "neutral" or even worse with "barely like." platonic is a love. platonic is not neutral it is already so far above neutral! it's predicated on love. god i have a headache. justice for platonic relationships. they're not neutral, they're not boring. so often u ppl think that because everyone's first (wrong and incorrect) example of platonic is familial and u hate ur bio family that platonic means something closer to tolerate. AND then some of u assume platonic is synonymous with friendship; it's not!!! "Platonic love is a type of love in which sexual desire or romantic features are nonexistent or have been suppressed, sublimated, or purgated, but it means more than simple friendship." so often the mystery word you're looking for btwn the other types of love--is platonic! it's PLATONIC, iT's based on plato's theory that a LOVE COULD BE STRONG ENOUGH , SO STRONG IN FACT THAT IT WOULD TRANSCEND PHYSICAL ATTACHMENTS, GOD GET IT RIGHT--!!!!! PLATONIC IS A LOVE LIKE THE SUN THAT WILL FRY YOUR RETINAS IF YOU LOOK AT IT TOO DIRECTLY OR FOR TOO LONG!!! THEE MIGHTIEST LOVE OF ALL: PLATONIC!!!!!

[killerchickadee]

You know what's great is when you want to go hiking on your day off but it's gonna rain all day so you're like well, so much for that, maybe I'll doordash some breakfast to make up for it, even though I'm really broke right now, and your bagel and latte arrive and you're so excited and then. You drop. The fucking latte on your bed where it spills a little before falling onto the floor (onto your LAPTOP on the floor) where it dumps all its contents. And now everything is sticky (and smells good) and you're like. I just wanted to enjoy my day off and it's not even 7am and it's already been a shitshow.

[devilsskettle]

my workplace is gonna have extended hours coming up so my life is going to be miserable for 2 months starting in 2 weeks

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

Goddamnit I need a coffee

[candycryptids]

The worst part about being away for two weeks (day 3/14 btw) is…… besties I’m still only on lvl 96 ish msq. There’s gonna be updates and new content and I’m gonna just be hangin out treading water chewing on what I do know and trying not to click too many ‘show spoiler’ buttons cos it’s like a toss up on if I’ve seen I yet in game or nah 😵‍💫💦 (tho I appreciate everyone still tagging for dawntrail…. Big dotes n petal showers etc)

[mylambandmartyr]

I literally cannot wait until I can rewatch DD/Punisher again with the boys so I can liveblog the insane shit my friends say

[wingsmadeforflying]

[insert your favorite ship]: unhinged deranged one gifted a water bottle that reveals a cute message from or art of their partner, to encourage them to Fucking Drink Water

[pea-brained-idiot]

top 7 dermatologist-approved ways to never get to listen to Otherside by Lena Raine in the same way Ever Again.

(poor guy.)

[carcarrot]

i did tell you people i met a they might be giant right.

[widevibratobitch]

im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg

[klauste]

I hate that caffeine makes my heart feel like that I had to stop drinking it I felt like I was going to keel over and die I’m fucking weak can’t even have a coffee without some heart palpitations fucking pathetic

[transgenderenkidu]

im so fine right now. im normal, even

[co0lranch]

Currently fighting a deadline rn and its so epic cool amazingness