#i need ancestral info. i need like names at least so I can look for them

[arctic-hands]

would be VERY NICE for my ancestral research if anyone in my family ever actually talked to each other

[trensu]

Episode 46: The One with All the Yunmeng Bros Angst

gross, ouyang and yao are talking. let’s ignore them!

blah blah plot plot blah

ooh thank god, wwx is now the one talking

being all detective-y and asking relevant questions

I LOVE MY SUNSHINE BOY WHEN HE'S BEING CLEVER

wwx makes some Plot Relevant Point and yao is like I DISAGREE bc ofc he fucking does

LOL WWX'S FACE WHEN YAO INTERRUPTS LIKE THAT

IT'S LIKE HE'S BITING DOWN ON HIS TONGUE TO NOT SNAP SOMETHING BACK

kudos to him on his self-control tbh but it's wasted on yao. 

wwx is all asking things like why are you ladies fessing up now, oh and btw that's a real neat bracelet you got there...

and then nhs is like, gee i wonder what kind of person would've sent these ladies here today

LOLOLOL NHS IS SUCH A TROLL OMG

and yao is like DETAILS DON'T MATTER, WHAT IS CRITICAL THINKING ANYWAY LET'S GO MURDER FOR JUSTICE AGAIN

and everyone else is like, HEY, THIS LOUD GUY HAS A POINT LET'S GO MURDER

okay, they don't actually say anything about murder but they're harping about "justice" 

The last time they did that, it resulted in murder so i'm gonna go ahead and assume this time isn't any different

lwj: many skeptical points remain

THANK YOU, LWJ, FOR BEING SENSIBLE

oh, and i would like to point out that the crowd had been getting rowdy 

but the minute lwj interjected there they all fell silent

My guy didn't even raise his voice and was able to shut up a whole room full of people.

I LOVE YOU HANGUANG JUN

lqr: what are they?

wwx: SO MANY. 

wwx makes some Points and is like so we got some witnesses now but where's the HARD EVIDENCE GUYS??

and yao is like, whatever, we'll find it sooner or later now that we know THE TRUTH

and wwx's reaction lolol

it's like oh my god how stupid is this guy, that's not how it works, that's not how ANY of this works

I FEEL YOUR PAIN, WWX, I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL

ppl are blabbering Plot Stuff

i'm just gonna enjoy the occasional shots of wwx and lwj's beautiful faces

blah blah blah plot plot plot blah

gosh, my boys are so pretty

LOOK AT THEM BEING PRETTY, I LOVE THEM

(i say as the crowd devolves into vicious mob mentality)

wwx's had enough of this and turns to leave bc angry mobs are old news at this point

And we all know how he ended up last time there was an angry mob

but yao and some rando interrupt his exit as if they have ANY RIGHT to speak to my sunshine boy at all

Eventually we DO escape sword hall and the mob of stupid people and our boys are alone together wandering lotus pier!!!

they're reviewing Plot Info and bouncing ideas off each other and IT'S BEAUTIFUL, THEY'RE SO SMART AND IN LOVE

They determine that they don't have enough clues to say who the mysterious 3rd party is

but they def have enough evidence showing jgy murdered nmj and is generally an evil conniving bastard.

lwj mentions that he's going to send word to his brother to be careful since jgy is EVIL FOR SURE NOW.

oooh, our boys just came upon the jiang clan's ancestral shrine

wwx freezes, eyes red-rimmed and shiny, MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY

lwj: what's wrong?

ALL OF HIS ATTENTION IS GLUED TO WWX'S EVERY MOVE ALL THE TIME, ISN'T IT??

SEE HOW INTENTLY HE LOOKS AT WWX??

me too, lan zhan, me too

wwx: nothing. it's the ancestral hall of the jiang clan

he says this softly, like it hurts to acknowledge it or smth

lwj: do you want to enter?

wwx: no

WHICH IS A BLATANT LIE

EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SCREAMING HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO GO IN THERE

they make to turn away and pause for a moment, during which wwx looks back at the shrine longingly

cut to the next scene where we see wwx burning some incense sticks in the shrine

AND OUR BOYS BOW TOGETHER  3x TO M-YU, JFM, AND JYL

wwx greets his deceased loved ones solemnly

wwx: it's me. i'm here to disturb you again.

idk about m-yu and jfm, BUT JYL WOULD NEVER THINK WWX'S PRESENCE WAS A DISTURBANCE

now wwx is telling lwj about how he used to spend a ton of time in that shrine bc m-yu would punish him by sending him there to, idk, reflect on his sins before the ancestors or smth

and lwj is like, yeah, i heard about that

then wwx comments on how he's never met a woman as irritable as m-yu, and how she punished him for trifles all the time

then he laughs bashfully and says "my fault, my fault" and bows another 3x bc omg wwx you can't speak ill of the dead, especially not at their shrine

this is a nice moment between them so far, actually. 

it's nice to hear wwx reminisce in a way that's not 100% painful

and the fact that he's sharing these little bits of inconsequential info with lwj, his soulmate, is just very sweet to me

lwj: won't you tell jc?

wwx: idk. at least not yet

lwj: after all, you two are sworn brothers

it's nice of lwj to acknowledge that, without any sort of rancor in his tone, considering how much he does not care for jc (to put it mildly)

wwx: since the misunderstanding between us is so deep, it's not that easy to solve

HE SOUNDS SO RESIGNED, AND THE LITTLE SMILE THAT FLASHED BRIEFLY THERE WAS JUST SO SAD

and then he's like, besides, I created Plot Device 2, regardless of whether or not jgy ended up using it to make Plot Device 3

UH OH, HERE COMES JC

jc: wei wuxian

OH GOD, CAN HE PACK ANY MORE BITTERNESS AND VENOM INTO THAT NAME??

wwx stands immediately when he hears jc call, he doesn't look at him tho

lwj stands a beat after as jc enters the shrine

jc: you still take yourself as one of the jiang clan? come and go at any time you like, then bring people here when you wish. Do you remember whose house this is? who's the owner?

YIKES

THAT ONE HURT.

and wwx just takes it

wwx: i didnt take hanguang jun to any confidential places in Lotus Pier. i just brought him here to offer some incense to clan leader jiang and madam yu.

he's so submissive here and not even in a fun way

it’s in his posture and tone of voice, even in how he still doesn't look directly at jc...it makes me sad

wwx: we're leaving

He tries to retreat bc he def doesn't want this this confrontation to happen 

jc: you really should kneel down to them, for coming to their presence to destroy the view and ruin their quiet.

DOUBLE YIKES. 

that one hurt EVEN MORE

and lwj, who had been following wwx's lead and staying quiet, intervenes

lwj: clan leader jiang, pay attention to your words

oh boy if looks could kill, jc would be dead as a doornail

he's like HURT MY SOULMATE AGAIN, I DARE YOU. JUST GIVE ME A REASON AND I WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN

which is pretty gutsy since jc is higher ranked than him, technically, as clan leader. 

AND they're both in jc's domain rn!

jc: what did you say? i think someone else needs to watch his behavior

he's glaring at wwx's back and he's got a mean twist to his mouth that would be a smile if it weren't so cruel

jc: you have already been kicked out of our family. how dare you enter and face my parents and my sister?

STOP HURTING MY SUNSHINE BOY

wwx is just accepting this. he's just accepting all these cruel things with his eyes downcast and submissive

BC IT HURTS AND HE BELIEVES HE DESERVES IT

lwj: jiang wanyin

HOLY SHIT

lwj fucking HISSED that name

and he took a VERY MENACING step towards jc

MY GUY

MY GUY, YOU CAN'T ATTACK A CLAN LEADER

ESPECIALLY NOT IN HIS OWN HOME

LIKE, I TOTALLY GET WHY YOU'D WANT TO RN, AND, Y'KNOW, I'M NOT THE MOST POLITICALLY SAVVY PERSON AROUND

BUT THIS JUST SEEMS LIKE A BAD IDEA ALL AROUND

thank god wwx is there

wwx stops him, pressing the palm of his hand into lwj's torso (!!!!!)

wwx: lan zhan. lan zhan, let's go

he practically whispers this, head bent down, AGAIN SUPER SUBSERVIENT

but jc is looking for a fight and he's not letting go until he gets one, apparently

jc: go as far as you can. i don't want to see you AWFUL PEOPLE again before my dead family

wwx just halts in his steps.

he had been all prepared to go after taking that tongue lashing that he thinks he's earned, but at that he takes a deep, fortifying breath bc jc crossed a line

he purses his lips a moment before turning to finally face jc head on

wwx: jc, scold me as you like but not the others (aka LWJ)

oooh, but that was the wrong thing to say to jc right now bc jc goes off on a VERY PAINFUL rant

he's like, oh, i should be nice to lwj? don't you remember that MY PARENTS WERE KILLED AND LOTUS PIER FELL bc you just HAD to play hero and save lwj?? and it wasn't enough! you HAD to play hero and SAVE THE WENS too, which killed my sister!!

oh he's getting really mean here

he's like, how generous you are wwx! letting wn wander the entrance of lotus pier and letting lwj offer incense!!

the minute jc started his rant, wwx cast his eyes to the side, again just enduring everything jc is throwing at him

oh but now jc starts in on lwj again

he's like, lwj, the great second jade, ignoring his reputation to side with wwx, your brother and uncle must be so proud

wwx: JIANG WANYIN!

wwx shouts at him

he's shaky and almost panting here.

wwx: apologize this instant.

jc: apologize? why should i? bc i insulted your great friendship?

THIS WHOLE ENCOUNTER IS A SHIT SHOW AND IT HURTS.

wwx just loses it here and grabs jc by the collar of his robes and gives him a shake

wwx: ARE YOU DONE?

and jc is still the little brother, you know, so obvs he does not back down here, he's not intimidated at all

jc: LET'S FIGHT THEN. should i be afraid of you two?

wwx's breath is all shaky and he's trembling and he would've given into jc's demands for a fight anyway but then he sees jyl's nameplate

and he must remember how upset jyl would get every time they fought

ME TOO, JYL, ME TOO. I HATE THIS, I HATE THIS, MAKE IT STOP

so he lets go of jc and stumbles back. he's looking very weak right now AND I’M VERY CONCERNED

lwj, obvs, catches him by the arm when he stumbles

lwj: wei ying

wwx: lan zhan, let's go

lwj agrees and the two of them turn and leave the shrine, lwj still gripping wwx's arm and providing support bc wwx is NOT looking good what’s happening to my sunshine boy, somebody fix this RIGHT NOW

BUT JC IS LIKE A DOG WITH A BONE BC HE JUST STORMS AFTER THEM, HE WANTS HIS FIGHT

he freaking leaps across the little lotus pond and lands before them, blocking off their exit

he starts antagonizing wwx, and he grabs wwx by the collar now, and again, wwx just takes it BUT LWJ DOESN'T

lwj slams his hand around jc's wrist (the one that's grabbing wwx), WRAPPING HIS FINGERS AROUND JC'S ZIDIAN, EVEN

lwj: let him go

holy crap. Stone Cold. LWJ'S STARE IS STONE COLD, AND HE TIGHTENS HIS GRIP ON JC'S WRIST

god damn, if lwj ever looked at me like that, i'd drop to the ground and beg for forgiveness. i'd be scared witless

when jc makes no move to let go of wwx, lwj releases his wrist and hooks his arm under jc's forearm and shoves upward to FINALLY break jc's hold on wwx

wwx stumbles at the force of it and his nose starts to bleed

MY POOR PRECIOUS SUNSHINE BOY LOOKS SO WEAK AND OUT OF IT!!

lwj looks at him, eyes wide with worry

lwj: wei ying!

even jc looks concerned (i would even say scared, tbh)

wwx reaches up and wipes his nose; he's not steady on his feet AT ALL

wwx: lan zhan, let's go.

lwj: okay

and he immediately starts to leave, practically dragging wwx with him bc wwx is barely able to stand at this point

lol, lwj shoulder checks jc as they walk past him

but jc is a stubborn bastard and brings out zidian and whips at their retreating backs

brief moment here to admire how FREAKING COOL THE ZIDIAN IS OMG,  

*GRABBY HANDS* I WANT ONE OF MY OWN SO SO BAD. 

IT'S A SNAKE BRACELET!! 

THAT TURNS INTO A WHIP!! 

A PURPLE WHIP!!! OF LIGHTNING!!!!!! 

LITERALLY NO ASPECT OF THIS WEAPON IS UN-BADASS

so jc whips purple lightning at them but the hit never lands bc lwj swings his still-sheathed bichen and bats that attack away like nothing

but as he does that, wwx starts to fall

lwj spins around and AUDIBLY GASPS, eyes wide with worry again, as he watches wwx lose consciousness. 

he dives forward and catches his soulmate in his arms and cradles him gently

jc doesn't see this happen and swings right back with another lash but wn swoops in out of nowhere to take the hit instead. 

AND HERE WE'RE GONNA GET THE BIG REVEAL OH GOD I'M NOT READY

jc is all who let you in, how dare you?? and whips wn again

BUT WN WILL NOT STAY DOWN, NO SIR

HE'S GOT STUFF TO SAY AND BY GOD, HE'S GONNA SAY IT

he offers up suibian to jc but jc whips him and sends him flying again

Wn gets right back up goes back to offering the sword to jc, DEMANDING HE UNSHEATHE IT

AND IN A FIT OF FURY JC PULLS AT THE HANDLE AND SUIBIAN COMES FREE

SHOCK, UTTER SHOCK ON HIS AND LWJ'S FACES

(also YIKES jc nearly sliced out wn's eyes with the force of his unsheathing of siubian. he obvs didn't expect anything to come of him pulling at the handle)

GOLDEN CORE TRANSFER REVEAL!!

FLASHBACK to wn's part of the story

we see wn holding an unconscious jc and wq is telling wwx to come out from where he was hiding behind a convenient boulder

and we see wwx give the go ahead to start the golden core transfer

back to the present, jc looks like his whole world is a lie 

bc it kinda is

I'm still kinda mad that wwx never told him anything.

like, i get why he didn't and i sympathize but informed consent in medicine and surgery is kind of a big deal!

and then omg, we got a close up shot of lwj's face

his eyes are wide and shiny and his jaw is dropped open just a bit. HE IS SHAKEN TO THE CORE 

HAHAHA GET IT? THAT THING WWX DOESN’T HAVE ANYMORE?? Oh god i’m sorry that was AWFUL

he turns his gaze back to wwx, who is still resting gently in crook of his arm

i love the camera angle here btw

the scene is at a slant, with the white of bichen's handle, and the white of the flowering tree behind them filling all of the right side of the screen

it makes the dark bundle of wwx and the dark flow of lwj's hair more stark

the slant of it really emphasizes how the whole of lwj's attention is on the man in his arms

And how his whole world is off its axis at this revelation

god lwj is really just letting his whole heart pour out of his eyes as he watches wwx

jc and wn are arguing loudly in the background but lwj makes NO INDICATION of hearing ANY of it

now we get to watch the emotional confrontation between jc and wn

lwj finally looks back at them when wn starts reciting details that no one outside of jc would have known unless they were there themselves

another flashback as wn describes everything in excruciating detail

oh this line gets me every time

wn: the reason you thought it was repaired was because of my sister, the best doctor in the wen clan of qishan, Wen Qing

WN LOVES HIS SISTER SO MUCH. HE WAS SO PROUD OF HER 

AND HE LOST HER. HE DOESN'T HAVE HER ANYMORE

GOD DAMN IT, SHOW, LET THESE BOYS KEEP THEIR SISTERS

and now we go back to lwj, gazing soulfully at wwx and a single tear rolls down his cheek as it really hits him what exactly wwx did, what wwx gave up

wn is going off on jc, like, didn't he ever wonder why wwx never picked up the sword again?

wn looks hardcore here tbh. 

we cut back to lwj, who is now holding bichen tightly, and boy, he's got his jaw clenched so hard.

at least until he looks back down at wwx, and his mouth softens as more tears drip down his face

flashback to when jc first found wwx after the burial mounds, and a series of flashbacks of every time jc brought up wwx's lack of suibian and wwx brushing off his questions

THEY SHOULD'VE JUST TALKED IT OUT, MY GOD, THEY COULD’VE SPARED ME ALL THIS PAIN IF THEY JUST TALKED 

another flashback to that time that jc pushed wwx and wwx fell hard to the ground and jc thought he was just drunk

I AM DONE WITH THESE FLASHBACKS, THX. CAN WE NOT, ANYMORE? IT'S HURTING TOO MUCH

and we also keep getting shots of lwj's face, STREAKED WITH TEARS

HE'S GOT A TEARDROP ON THE TIP OF HIS NOSE

ALL OF THIS IS PAINFUL

PLEASE STOP

oooh, lwj's mouth twists into a firm scowl and he slams bichen on the ground with a loud CLANG

this is too much for him too! he's furious, he's had enough of hearing how wwx suffered for jc

so he scoops up wwx, carrying almost all of his weight, as he walks the both of them outta there

wn leaves suibian with jc and tells him to have anyone else try to unsheathe it if he doesn't believe him

jc doesn't want it. he doesn't want it at all.

he desperately wants it to be untrue

AND I CRY A RIVER FOR MY YUNMENG BROS

WE'RE ON A BOAT NOW

UNCONSCIOUS WWX SPREAD BACK, HELD LOVINGLY IN LWJ'S ARMS

Now we get some lwj & wn bonding time where they discuss a-yuan! (after lwj promises not to tattle on wn to wwx)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!! WE'RE GETTING A FLASHBACK FROM LWJ

LWJ IS ENTERING WWX'S LAB CAVE THING, ALONE, FRANTICALLY SEARCHING FOR WWX

lwj: on that day, when the wen clan were captured and killed, i went to the burial mounds to seek wei ying but discovered a-yuan instead

we see him find a-yuan, who is unconscious and clammy. 

lwj immediately drops to his knees beside him and checks his wrist, then presses the back of his hand to a-yuan's forehead

oh, lwj's hand is all roughened with dirt. That’s very striking, for some reason.

he purses his lips making a split-second decision, and scoops a-yuan up 

lwj: he was hiding there for so long that he had a fever and was severely ill

wn figures out that the fever is probs why lsz doesn't remember anything, and hasn’t mentioned wn at all. lwj looks surprised

lwj: didn't you tell him?

wn: about his birth origin? he's happy now. knowing too much about the past and remembering something heavy, would make him less happy than now

HE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSON

WHY DO THE BEST OF THEM HAVE TO SUFFER SO?

lwj: sooner or later, he will know

and wn doesn't deny it. he's like, yeah, sooner or later. just like master wei and jc with the golden core transfer.

at this lwj looks back down at wwx

lwj: is it painful?

the way lwj's throat bobs before he asks tho.

like he's forcing himself to ask, bc he needs to know even if he already suspects the answer. 

He needs to know even tho knowing will hurt. he's steeling himself against the pain already.

wn: what?

lwj: taking out the core, is it painful?

wn: you won't believe me if i say it's not, right?

lwj: i thought wq might have some method

he sounds desperate, hoping against all odds that it didn't hurt wwx as much as he suspects it did

and here wn explains that wq wanted to ease the process, make it less painful, but due to the nature of the procedure, she couldn't use any anesthetics

wn: the one who donates the core has to be awake the whole time

THE WHOLE DAMN TIME

HE HAS TO BE CONSCIOUS TO WATCH IT GET CUT OUT OF HIM AND EXPERIENCE THAT CONNECTION SLOWLY BE SEVERED OTHERWISE IT DOESN'T WORK

HOW MESSED UP IS THAT OMG, HOW MUCH TRAUMA MUST THEY PUT MY POOR SUNSHINE BOY THROUGH

lwj: awake?

HE SOUNDS HOARSE AS HE SAYS THAT

wn: two nights and one day. he has to be awake

MY SUNSHINE BOY, MY BEAUTIFUL SUNSHINE BOY SUFFERED SO MUCH

lwj's lips purse briefly. he's staring at his wei ying

lwj: at the time, what were the chances

wn: fifty percent

lwj looks at wn here with horrified disbelief

lwj: fifty percent?

wn proceeds to explain how wq didn't want to do it but wwx kept insisting that the odds were worth 

AND OH MY GOD LWJ FLASHES BACK TO THEIR FIRST CONFRONTATION AFTER THE BURIAL MOUNDS, WHEN THEY FINALLY FOUND WWX AFTER 3 MONTHS OF SEARCHING

IT HURTS JUST AS MUCH AS THE FIRST TIME AROUND

Wwx must have some sort of sixth sense for knowing when Emotional Discussions are Done, bc he regains consciousness only AFTER wn & lwj finish bonding lol

he sits up, head aching, and pulls himself from lwj's embrace

I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY, BC LWJ OBVS DIDN'T MIND HAVING HIM THAT CLOSE

IN FACT even as he helps wwx sit up, you can see his hand trail up wwx's arm, grip loosening and tightening sporadically

He's def trying to prolong contact here, very reluctant to let go of his wei ying

wwx: lan zhan, how did we get out?

lwj: we had a fight

AND ~THEIR SONG~ STARTS PLAYING

wwx: i knew that jiang cheng wouldn't let me go that easily. so unreasonable.

and then he looks at lwj and hurries to assure him that jc didn't mean all those cutting remarks. that that's just how he gets when he's upset.

lwj looks off to the side, pressing his lips closed bc he couldn't care less about jc or jc's words. THEY MEAN NOTHING TO HIM

wwx covers lwj's hand with his own and very earnestly says: so don't take it seriously

BC HE HASN'T YET REALIZED THAT LWJ DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT JC'S ENTIRE EXISTENCE

lwj doesn't look him in the eye as he's told this, and his lips are still pressed together in a firm line. 

he probably doesn't actually want wwx to realize just how little jc means to him.

wwx notices they're on a boat on a lake now lol

wwx: i often played here with jyl when we were children

AND HERE HE HALLUCINATES HIS PRECIOUS BEAUTIFUL KIND AMAZING SISTER JYL

Jyl: a-xian come have some lotus seeds

WWX'S EYES REDDEN WITH TEARS AND HE CALLS OUT FOR HIS SISTER

AND I'M FIGHTING BACK SOBS

WHILE JYL'S SWEET GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS AND JYL SMILES WARMLY AT HER LITTLE BROTHER

wn snaps wwx out of it

ONLY FOR WWX TO FLASHBACK TO JYL CRYING AND SAYING THAT THEY'RE THE CLOSEST THREE IN THE WORLD

WWX LEANS HIS HEAD ON HER KNEE AND SULKS ADORABLY ABOUT HOW HE'S HUNGRY 

AND I WANNA DIE FROM ALL THE FEELINGS I'M HAVING

back on the boat, wwx eyes are still filled with tears and it's awful

wn is all, wwx what's wrong? and wwx shakes it off and just says he's hungry

so he yanks out some lotus pods from the lake and gives one to lwj and one to wn and one for himself

HE'S SMILING NOW, THANK GOD

wwx: it's perfect timing to be here now!

and he's happily tearing into the pod

I LOVE SEEING HIM HAPPY AND SMILING

SUCH LITTLE JOYS AND HE REVELS IN IT

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

HE SHOULD ALWAYS BE HAPPY AND SMILING. 

NOTHING SHOULD EVER BE ALLOWED TO MAKE HIM SAD. NOTHING

lwj: wei ying

wwx: what

lwj: does this lake belong to someone?

LOL, HE GAVE THE POD A SUSPICIOUS LOOK BEFORE ASKING THAT AND HAS NOT TRIED GETTING ANY SEEDS OUT YET

wwx: of course not

HE SAYS IN A COMPLETELY NOT BELIEVABLE WAY

YOU CAN TELL BY HOW HE DOESN'T LOOK LWJ IN THE EYE AS HE RESPONDED AND KEEPS MUNCHING AWAY ON THE SEEDS AS A DISTRACTION

Lwj is watching like, yeah, i’m not buying it.

lwj: i heard that lakes here all have owners.

lolol wwx pauses in his chewing for a second and looks around guiltily for a bit before letting out a nervous laugh

wwx: hanguang jun, you really hear much, don't you? i didn't even know that.

he's looking at him all innocently and LWJ LOOKS BACK STILL NOT BUYING IT LOLOLOL

wwx looks away and then looks back, relenting

wwx: fine. 

HE'S ALL POUTY, IT'S ADORABLE, I LOVE HIM

he sulkily tells wn to get them moving

and sulkily tosses his lotus pod at the bottom of the boat

HE'S JUST HAVING A SULK-FEST RN AND IT'S SUPER CUTE, I'M ENJOYING IT A LOT

wn starts to get the paddles to get the boat going, when lwj suddenly leans over the side of the boat and snaps up a lotus pod

he very seriously offers it to his wei ying, who is watching him wide-eyed and surprised

lwj: only for today  

bc i just found out about your traumatic golden core transfer for your awful ungrateful little brother and i feel horrible that you suffered alone, he doesn’t say

bc i wish i could have done something to help but i couldn't so now i'm gonna steal you a lotus pod bc that's literally all i can do right now, he also doesn’t say

LOL

THE WAY THE CAMERA CUTS TO WN HERE CRACKS ME UP

WN IS JUST PASSIVELY MUNCHING ON A SEED AND WATCHING THAT EXCHANGE HAPPEN WITH HIS BIG BROWN EYES TAKING IT IN, WITH A VAGUE, "HUH, THAT'S INTERESTING" MANNER

wwx looks at the pod and then back at lwj before taking the pod with a nervous laugh

I am convinced that he had WAR-FLASHBACKS to that time drunk!lwj gave him roosters

He’s probably frantically trying to remember if lwj drank ANY alcohol earlier

TRYING TO CALCULATE THE CHANCES OF SOMEONE SLIPPING SOME ALCOHOL TO LWJ BETWEEN THEIR FIGHT WITH JC TO THIS BOAT ESCAPE LOLOLOLOL

he clutches that pod with both hands and gives lwj a pained smile 

The exact pained smile he had when he accepted the roosters that time

LMAO WWX TURNS TO LOOK AT WN, HIS BROWS ALL FURROWED IN CONFUSION LIKE, WN WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING, EXPLAIN WHAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

but wn just smiles cheerfully at him

cut to the next moment where we see the boat's floor is now littered with a bunch of lotus pods and wwx is happily munching on seeds, all smiley

BUT OF COURSE I'M NOT ALLOWED TO ENJOY HAPPY PEACEFUL MOMENTS EVER

SO A GLOWY GLITTERY MESSENGER BUTTERFLY APPEARS AND LANDS ON LWJ'S OUTSTRETCHED PALM

I mean, wwx giggled happily there for a moment there!!!!! WHY CAN'T THEY LET ME BASK IN THAT FOR ONE MINUTE, GOD.

anyway, the butterfly

wwx: the paper butterfly messenger from the jin clan?

(side note to say that the butterfly messenger is actually very pretty. i like it a lot)

wwx pats lwj on the knee after the butterfly flies away

wwx: what happened? what did it say?

Lwj’s like, jgy is in yunmeng now and my brother hasn’t responded to my message...

wwx: you worry jgy would harm him when desperate?

bc wwx can tell right away when lwj is worried. BC THEY'RE SOULMATES AND THEY KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL

And then bc my sunshine boy is a GENIUS, he remembers the deed jgy had hidden away in the secret chamber, for Yunping City in Yunmeng

he excitedly tells lwj that this is where jgy will be

lol he was so excited he tipped himself over a bit and jostled the boat so lwj had to reach out to steady him

we cut to the next scene we see people dying fabrics and our boys wander through 

Wwx confirms with some random worker lady that they’re in the right place and tells lwj they should explore the city as a date for Plot Investigation Reasons

lwj nods in agreement and then wwx turns back to look at the lady and gives her THE SWEETEST SMILE, THE ONE THAT SQUINCHES HIS EYES CLOSED AND MAKES ME SWOON

BUT LOL LWJ SEES HIM SMILE AT THE LADY LIKE THAT AND IT NOT AMUSED BY IT AT ALL

oh god, just the way his eyes flick from wwx to the lady and how his lips firm up before he stalks off in a snit cracks me up

GREEN IS NOT YOUR COLOR, LAN ZHAN, I'M JUST SAYING

LET THE GUY SMILE AT ME, I MEAN AT PEOPLE. IT'S NOT A CRIME

wwx is confused by the reaction but hurries off after him

oh wwx, you dense idiot. you're lucky i love you so

now we see come random guys bully wn for no reason 😞

wwx tells them to back off but they don't listen and lwj very nonchalantly pulls out a talisman from his sleeve and offers it to wwx

wwx looks at the talisman and then back at lwj with SUCH A PLEASED SMILE

OMG I WOULD DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING FOR HIM TO SMILE AT ME LIKE THAT

wwx: lan zhan, you even kept it until now?

AHHHHHH SO CUTE, I LOVE HIM

lwj doesn't respond but it doesn’t matter bc wwx does that squinchy-eyed smile AGAIN AND I DIE, I DIE

wwx activates the talisman which releases a whole bunch of glittery butterflies that distract the guys and allow wn to escape. 

omg guys, this is the same trick lwj used to distract wen chao and wen zhuliu to escape ages and ages ago WHICH MEANS LWJ HAS BEEN CARRYING A PIECE OF WWX WITH HIM ALL THESE YEARS AHHHHHHHHH

And after that wonderful, touching revelation, the episode ends.

SO, we had lots of depressing Yunmeng Bros Feelings that made me wanna die 

BUT we also at the end here get rewarded with MULTIPLE squinchy-eyed smiles from my most precious darling sunshine boy that made me wanna die but, like, in a good way

I WOULD ENDURE SO MUCH MORE FOR THOSE SMILE, NGL

Return to Masterpost

[lisinfleur]

Modranect

The Request: A fiction with Hvitserk or Ubbe for the prompt: Celebrating Modranect with a newly acquired Saxon bride (I exchanged for wife, ok?). Author’s Notes | Here is something I’ll have to study! Thanks for the opportunity! All knowledge is welcome! Universe | Vikings Pairing | Ubbe x Christian Princess! Reader Info | Viking Age AU, Saxon! Reader, prompts designed by @honestsycrets for 2019’s Holiday Event; Part II for Deal Words | 1393 ⁑ Warnings: Religious differences. Keep in mind I’m still learning about my own religious and please, do not rely on my information to learn! I’m a learner too… Sorry for any mistakes.

It was almost a year ago you were seeing those men coming into your lands, dealing with your father and brother to settle their fate after you denounced their treason. Some months more and you would end your first cycle along with the man that saved you from dishonor and even, from death.

Around a month after your marriage, your brother in law indeed came with his men ready to banish your husband and his men from your lands. But with the death of your father you stood for your claim to the lands and with Ubbe's fierce glare and his brother's murderous blues, your brother in law didn't refuse to sign the documents necessary to officialize Ubbe as the heir of your father's lands: your brother in law had his own territory and as long as Ubbe promised to never cross the boundaries of his kingdom, your father's lands were a good price to pay for their warranty to never have to share a table with you once again. Your whole family had delivered you to the wolves without knowing the wolves weren't the monsters they believed they were...

Instead, the wolves were embracing you... And more and more you were feeling like one of them.

But you couldn't help but feeling nostalgic when that part of the year arrived. Christmas was close and it was your favorite date of the year with all the decorations and the tree, the dinner and...

"Why are you bringing a tree into our castle?" you said, taken aback by the sight of your husband and his brother Hvitserk carrying inside parts of a tree recently chopped.

You noticed some servants making colored cookies; others were braiding straw in familiar formats, like lambs or boars... But you didn't think it was a thing... Was it?

Did pagans have their own Christmas Eve??

Ubbe giggled and Hvitserk as well, answering your question.

"We're preparing for Modranect tonight, sister."

"Mo... Moda...ran... What?"

The two of them laughed at your attempt to speak that strange name Hvitserk had pronounced without any difficulty and Ubbe came closer, caressing your face with his free hand.

"Mother's night..." he said, smiling at you with words you could understand. "It's the first night of the twelve days of Yule, the winter solstice. It's the shorter day and longest night of our year cycle... We celebrate Frigga and the female ancestral spirits tonight."

"And we stay awake to warrant Sun won't be devoured and will come back in the morning!" Hvitserk said, smiling.

"Yes. We stay up all night after dining with our families and we celebrate when Sun comes back in the dawn to welcome her from the dark path she went through," he explained.

And you looked at them with curiosity in your eyes.

"We used to do very similar things... To celebrate Christ's birth," you said, not knowing if you could speak of your old traditions among them.

Hvitserk scoffed.

"They call it Chrismas, Ubbe," he said, mocking the name.

"Christmas..." you corrected him with a sad tone. "It used to be my favorite part of the year. The only time when my family would be together without fighting or mocking on each other, without my sister boasting around because she got married to a rich man or father speaking to me as if I was something disposable. I would always earn a new dress to use and we would have a beautiful dinner with at least one dish of my favorites to eat..."

Hvitserk's smile diminished. There was so much sadness in your voice.

"The only part of the year your family could be together was this day?" he asked "What a terrible family you had, woman..."

"Stop it, brother, let her go... Here, take the leaves and sticks for the slaves to make the festoons and go check on Ivar for me," Ubbe said, holding your hand. "Come with me, dear, let me show you everything," he completed, with a smile.

Walking beside him, you started looking at how they were decorating the castle and trees around remembering you so hard of the Christmas decorations.

"It represents Yggdrasil, the tree of life," he said, speaking about the tree you were looking at. "The gifts and food are for the forest creatures... To invite them in peace or ward them off our houses. And some are for the Wild Hunt, as asks for blessing and fruitfulness," he explained as you were following him, seeing as some of them were placing food and drinks outside as he spoke.

"Our families will reunite and feast and celebrate together, and wait until tomorrow to receive Sun once again because from today on, she'll be on the sky longer than the Moon and the days will slowly become warmer again," he said.

You had so many questions! And his stories were so interesting...

"And what do you eat? We had some foods I'll miss this year," you said, remembering the pies and your favorite sweets.

"We eat what we can produce with the products of the soil at the season and what we have produced and stocked for the winter during the hot parts of the year. Bread, cakes, cookies, ham... We share our stocks and keep each other warm to survive the Winter and see a new Spring."

"And what are these?" you asked, walking faster towards a tree where some of those cute straw animals were hanging, decorating the leaves. "They're so cute," you said, picking one little straw goat in your hands.

Observing how perfectly the straw strands were braided to make the horns and the ribbon that was tying the body of the lamb together.

"The sacred animals of the gods; the Goats of Thor, God of Thunder, and the Wild Boar of Frey, God of Fertility. We honor our gods representing their sacred animals and sacrificing them for their honor. A boar is being prepared to be sacrificed and roasted for the feast today. And I can teach you how to make these little animals if you want. I make them since I was a child," Ubbe smiled.

They weren't the senseless demons your father spoke so hard. Their culture was so rich! There were so many stories and details and customs like yours...

"Would you teach me about your gods, husband?" you asked, causing Ubbe's smile to become bigger when he cupped your face.

"I've made many wishes for this Yule, wife. And I can see the gods had heard me, cause one of them just became true," he said, caressing your face. "I'll surely teach you everything you want to hear, and tell you all the stories of the gods and their lands, their tales and their lessons, with pleasure, my love."

He kissed your forehead and you nestled into his arms against his chest, holding the little straw goat in your hands. You wanted to become closer to that man who became something so important in your life. A life that he saved and that, somehow, you thought his gods gave back to you.

"What other wishes you made, husband?" you asked, curious.

"Blessings upon us all... A wife to my brother Hvitserk because he needs to settle down and stop drinking that much... Less pain for Ivar. More love for Sigurd... An heir for us..." he said embracing your body and landing his hand over your belly softly.

And the thought sounded beautiful to be heard. You smiled at Ubbe with tenderness touching his hand over your belly with yours.

"I like the sound of this... I think I have my Yule's wish," you smiled, feeling when he nestled his face against your neck, softly kissing your skin.

"Then we should go home, celebrate and feast together... And provide the means for the gods to give us what we want... Don't you think, wife?"

You blushed, becoming red from your hair to your tiptoes, giggling with the tickles of his kisses on the crook of your shoulder.

"You're right, husband... You're right."

An heir was a beautiful desire.

But it should be made...

And it would be literally a pleasure to work on realizing this dream of your husband.

And maybe the next Modranect would have one more reason to be thankful for, sleeping in your arms and filling your heart with even more love.

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[raendown]

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 5255 Chapter: 40/42 Summary: Not all wars are fought on the battlefield. Some are fought at the conference table, with whispers in the shadows, or even in the bedroom.

In a world where the Senju and Uchiha traditional lands were too far apart to have ever made them enemies, Butsuma and Tajima are the ones who come together and sign a treaty of peace. Madara isn’t happy to have his life signed away for him in a political marriage to strengthen the bond between their clans. He is even less happy to have Tobirama make assumptions of him from their very first night together. What follows from there is a journey of healing, of learning, and finding the places to belong in the places least expected.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

Chapter 40

In the days following the Kyuubi attack things went back to normal at a surprisingly quick rate. With such fast response times a great majority of the injured were either home by the end of that same day or sometime during the next. Very few required longer to recover than a week of bed rest and many who were expected not to make it managed to pull through by some miracle. Hashirama surprised no one when he tearfully suggested their skilled medical staff receive some kind of commendation for their efforts. 

A full two weeks afterwards Madara woke with the kind of lazy slowness only allowed when he didn’t have to get up at a specific time for work. While the rest of the village had been quietly nesting in their homes to recuperate, those who worked in the bureaucracy had been working double time to reorganize, revamp, and prepare. Madara would like to say that he was one of those who had worked the hardest.

Now as he fluttered his eyes open to stare muggily at the ceiling he felt a little bereft to realize that he was alone in the bed. Tobirama still had trouble sleeping in sometimes, he knew that well enough, but he much preferred the days when the man at least stayed in bed until they could greet each other with soft morning kisses. Without him the bed felt cold, uninviting. No good for lazing about. Madara grumbled as he rolled over and sat up to throw the blankets off. Before standing up he stretched, legs rising from the floor and arms reaching for the sky in a pose he would be mortified to get caught in, jaw stretched wide in a massive yawn. When he stood it was with half-mast lids and shuffling steps.

Once he’d rinsed his face with bracingly cold water he felt much more alert, awake enough to brave the stairs in search of his missing partner. Unfortunately Tobirama wasn’t to be found in the kitchen or the living room or even the study. It took until he was staring out the back door for his tired brain to wake up enough that he realized he was being stupid; there was a much easier way to search for the man. 

He of course was not surprised to stretch his senses and find the one he was looking for in the Senju compound, although he was a little confused, and Madara decided that trailing after the other could wait at least until after a cup of coffee. No one was really expecting him anywhere until noon today when the polling stations quickly set up around the administration tower were due to be teeming with people. As he sat and drank his caffeine he thought about how strange it was, the direction his life had taken. Barely a couple of years before he had been living miles away on ancestral Uchiha grounds believing he would never be anything more to the world than the head of their clan someday. It had seemed to him then like a good life. Now his name was one of those being voted on to lead an entire village, a dozen and more clans from all across their nation, and he had a husband that he could never have dreamed of. 

A husband he should go find. Madara left his cup unwashed in the sink and scampered back upstairs to get dressed. Then he marched out of their home with every intention of tracking Tobirama down to demand the morning kisses he had been so cruelly denied.

With how late he’d slept in the amount of people out on the streets was only to be expected. Madara reminded himself to keep his patience as he got stuck behind the fourth old lady in a row, inching along with their walkers and canes. Leaving the Uchiha district only made it worse, traffic congesting every street, so it felt as though he’d been walking for a hundred years by the time he finally made it to the heart of the Senju district instead. In reality it had probably only been a half hour but logical thinking could wait until he was less annoyed. 

Thankfully his sharp knock was answered rather quickly, Touka’s face unsurprised as she took in the grumpy pout on her front stoop.

“He’s in the kitchen,” she grunted. “And he’s making a mess.” 

“Nothing explosive, I hope?” 

“Heh, no. Thank the fates. He’s just getting flour everywhere is all.” Amazingly she even managed to crack a smile for his half-serious joke, stepping back to allow him in. 

Madara nodded to his hostess and inched around the space she had left him then made sure to toe off his sandals before going any farther. In all the time they had known each other he’d only had reason to be in this home once before, Hashirama usually being the one to host if they all gathered for dinner. Just as he had been the last time Madara found himself drawn to the artwork hanging on the wall in gorgeous mokuton frames. Most of the pieces were done in simple black graphite but one of them had obviously been drawn with different colored pencils and the results were enough to lift one of his eyebrows. Buying this must have cost her a pretty penny.

“I don’t suppose you remember the name of this artist?” he asked, footsteps slow to give himself time to admire the artwork. “I would be quite interested in commissioning a piece or two for myself. These are excellent quality.” 

“Thank you.”

Shooting her an amused look, he clarified teasingly, “I wasn’t complimenting your taste.” 

“No but you were complimenting my work.” Touka lifted her nose in to the air with a tight smirk and swept past him, leaving Madara standing there with his eyes bugging out. 

“Wait!” he chased down the hall after her. “You drew all these!?” 

“Tell anyone and I will feed you every tooth out of your own face one by one.” She entered the kitchen with all the bearing of a royal empress and lowered herself down at the table where a half-eaten meal sat waiting for her return. Given a hundred guesses Madara would never have chosen her as the hands behind such beautiful and expressive artwork, not when her most common facial expressions were ‘stern’ and ‘blank’. The idea that she even had that many emotions to express was mind boggling.

All thoughts of Touka fell away, however, as he looked up across the kitchen and took in the sight of Tobirama standing by the counter with his sleeves rolled up and a light green apron tied over his front. Spots of flour and baking soda dotted about his person even around the apron and the countertop itself was a riot of ingredients. From the way he was pounding at the dough Madara got the distinct impression that it had insulted him, quite possibly his family as well. 

Very carefully he inched forward and did his level best to both safely announce his presence and also stay as quiet as possible, not wishing to disturb his husband in case he truly was in a bad mood. Once he’d made his way around in to the man’s field of view Tobirama’s eyes snapped over to look at him while his hands continued their work.

“You okay?” Madara ventured to ask. 

“Fine,” Tobirama grunted. “I’m just bloody peachy.”

“Indeed, that sounds like you are very fine.” 

The other snorted and pounded his dough again. Curious, Madara peeked down at the mess and cast his eye over all the things that looked like they had been used, trying to add them all together in his head to make some sort of recipe. Baking had never been one of his specialties. He was a decent cook but he’d always known that if he learned how to make sweets for himself he would balloon up like an Akimichi in barely a couple of months – and he certainly didn’t have their hereditary thick bone structure to help him carry so much weight at high speeds while in battle. 

Eventually he realized that his nose already recognized what his eyes did not and couldn’t help but grin. 

“Are you making gingerbread?” he asked. 

“Perhaps.”

“Does it need to be beaten quite that much?” A curious peek up at the other revealed the answer even before Tobirama had a chance to speak, eyes averted and cheeks ever so faintly pink.

“Not exactly. But it makes me feel better so shut your trap.” 

Madara hummed. “And here I thought you felt just peachy.”

If it wasn’t for years of training he would not have been quick enough to dodge the flour-dusted hand that came up to swat the back of his head. The two of them shared a secretive smile but it didn’t last long, interrupted when Touka stood back up from the kitchen table with a scraping of wood against tile. 

“Right, I don’t think I’m hungry enough to sit here and watch the two of you flirting. What has my life come to? Fleeing from my own home so other people can make out or whatever.” She heaved a well over-exaggerated sigh as she carried her plate over to scrape the remains of her breakfast in to the garbage. Not even Madara was fooled. 

He was, however, fascinated to see the unexpected warmth in her eyes. It was easy to remember the last time he’d been here, the suspicion with which she had looked at him, and it made his entire chest feel light to see how much things had changed for more people than just himself. During the uncertain period when he and Tobirama were making their first shaky steps towards not hating each other no one around them except for Hashirama seemed to approve of the opposite side very much. Touka had certainly been among those who obviously weren’t holding their breath for anything great to come out of this marriage. Now she looked at the two of them with approval, with happiness that her most precious person was so happy himself.

She did give them both a very pointed look on her way out, though, and he knew that no matter how glad she was that their relationship had gotten to this point she was also entirely joking about how okay she was with them making out in her kitchen. Madara tossed it back and forth in his mind whether or not he was going to heed that warning. It wasn’t like she would be here to monitor them. Nobody had to know if he felt a little overwhelmed by how cute his husband looked in that apron. 

“We do know how to behave,” Tobirama mumbled in to his dough but Touka was already passing him by with an almost patronizing clap to the shoulder. 

“Clean up after yourselves,” was all she said. Her hand lingered as she pulled away and Madara, well versed at this point in the Senju love language, concealed a smile to see how blatantly she showed her affection in front of him. Things truly had changed so much. 

Murmuring something about coming back in half an hour, Touka slipped out the back door and they could both feel her chakra hopping across the yard to raid Hashirama's home instead. It really was convenient for the two of them to live so close and yet Madara couldn’t imagine allowing his own brother the same freedoms. If Izuna lived only one yard away he would be underfoot so often the two of them would never have any alone time and there would never have been enough space for any sort of peace to be made between him and Tobirama. 

Izuna was far from what he had come here to think about, though. Madara shook his brother out of his head and used their new privacy to lean up for a quick kiss against his favorite tattoos. 

“Does punching the poor ingredients actually make you feel any better?” he asked. 

“Somewhat.” 

“Mn. Is that why you’re over here making a mess in someone else’s kitchen or did you just have a craving for gingerbread and get angry about it?” 

Again Tobirama’s cheeks pinked. “I needed something to hit and I remembered that Anija told me you enjoyed the last batch of gingerbread so I thought someone might as well benefit from my frustration.” 

“You’re not still that upset about today?”

“Of course I am.” Tobirama sighed and reached out to pull a baking sheet towards himself, separating the overworked dough in to equal spheres. “I don’t actually believe that many people in the village would purposely put me in charge but the possibility is still cause for worry.”

Madara smiled faintly, unsurprised. He should have guessed that the vote happening at noon today would be the source of his partner’s turmoil. Knowing that his own name was on the ballot was a little nerve-wracking but Madara had been prepared for the idea of leadership since the day he was born, had always known that he would be in charge of his own people, so the chance of more people wasn’t too big of a change for him. If he were being honest he really didn’t think he was the right man for the job but if somehow it did fall to him he was prepared to do his best. 

That wasn’t to say that Tobirama was unprepared to lead. As the second heir he too would have grown up knowing what his duties were. Madara wasn’t all that sure what the issue was now but all it took was leaning his head on the man’s arm for him to fall still and reveal his thoughts with no further prompting. 

“It feels wrong,” he murmured. 

“What does?”

“Being asked to step over my own brother as though all the work he’s put in means nothing. Or even being asked to step over you as though I am somehow your better. If anyone should lead it would be one of you. I am much better suited to running things behind the scenes like I always have; who would honestly want my face to represent them?” He frowned as his neat little rows of cookie dough. “I don’t even smile.” 

Catching his jaw with one hand, Madara brought that beloved face around to meet his own. “You smile for me.”

“Hmph.”

“Don’t just hmph. You’re not stepping over either one of us, love. If the people vote for you – and they should – then they’re making a good choice because you are the right one for this job. I know you’re used to operating in the shadows but maybe it’s time for you to start taking credit for all the things you do, hm?” He lifted one brow pointedly, to which Tobirama scoffed. 

“And what exactly do I do?”

“Too much,” Madara grumbled.

Startled, for a moment Tobirama did nothing but look at him. Eventually he said, “I do as much as is necessary.”

“Just because everything you do is necessary doesn’t mean it all needs to get done by the same person. Sometimes it would be a lot healthier for you to share the load, you know?” Madara grinned. “A moot point if you take the majority vote. Then you’ll have new duties and other people will be taking over the things you used to do anyway. Everyone will know if you’re overworking yourself and no one is going to stop me from dragging you home at a decent hour if I have to.” 

“I come home at decent hours,” Tobirama protested. 

“Most nights. But don’t think I don’t know when you’ve left a clone at the office to keep working. You have tells for when the memories hit you later.” 

Pressing a kiss against those lips that so few were blessed to see curling up in the soft expressions he loved, Madara let go of Tobirama’s face and let him look away back to his cookies. Whatever thoughts were going through his mind were a mystery but it was obvious that he was thinking something and so Madara kept his silence.

After a couple minutes his partner finally ran out of dough to fiddle with and sighed. 

“With how long it took your brother to see that I mean well how can I expect that an entire village would trust me to have their best interests in my heart?” As soon as he was finished speaking he snatched up one of the baking trays and marched over to the oven, leaving Madara behind with a stunned expression. 

“Is that what’s wrong?” 

“Madara–”

“No, wait. Is that actually what’s bothering you? The idea that you’re somehow not good enough for the people of Konoha?” 

Once all the cookies were in the oven – and more likely to burn than anything with how overworked that dough had been – Tobirama had nowhere left to look but back at him. His features were all scrunched up with the distaste of talking about feelings, one of his least favorite things to do. His hands fiddled with an already dirty towel, running it between his fingers and scrubbing it over his palms, working as much gunk off of himself as possible without actually washing his hands, but his eyes never moved from where they’d been caught in Madara's gaze and the uncertain look in their depths was almost heartbreaking. 

“I very nearly failed as a husband,” he said quietly. “You’re just one person and I almost failed you. The idea of so many people putting their trust in me is, quite frankly, slightly terrifying when I can’t seem to get that out of my head.” 

“You did not nearly fail me,” Madara growled. 

Tobirama gave him a doubtful look so he closed the distance between them again to poke that solid chest. 

“Whatever problems we had at the beginning of this marriage were caused by both of us being utter morons. You can’t just carry all the fault on your own shoulders. I definitely said some very terrible things that night, things I should not have even thought, and you were right to be angry at me for that. Had either one of us stopped to actually communicate it would have solved all our problems but you’re not the only one who didn’t.” Folding the digit he’d been using to poke, Madara flattened that hand against his partner’s chest for a softer touch. “You’ve worked hard in this marriage. Just because I was too stupid to see it then does not make it untrue.”

“You have an alarming amount of faith in me for someone who once prayed for my untimely disappearance.” Tobirama shifted uncomfortably under such blatant praise. 

“People are allowed to grow,” Madara told him loftily. 

And if he meant that as a response and a pointed statement at the same time, well, he’d been fortunate enough to marry someone skilled at reading between the lines. Clearly the man understood what he was getting at judging by the harrumphing sounds Tobirama was making instead of actually refuting his words. 

Because he couldn’t, really. There was no rebuttal available to him when Madara was right. Madara had always very much enjoyed being right. 

“So in conclusion,” he continued with a toss of his hair, “you’re sulking in a kitchen that isn’t your own and making cookies that aren’t even going to turn out edible because we had a rocky start to our marriage that was only half your fault at best? I had to wake up without kisses because you don’t feel worthy?” One of his eyebrows lifted with mock judgement.

“When you sum it up like that I sound like a child,” Tobirama protested. 

“If you don’t want me to call you a child then don’t act like one. Now, am I going to have to drag you out to the polls or will you come willingly?” 

“They’re not for a couple of hours yet. Leaving now would only be inviting my cousin’s house to burn down. I’m not sure it’s even necessary for us to go, anyway; shouldn’t the candidates stay away so we don’t seem to be influencing anyone?” 

Madara rolled his eyes, not fooled for a moment. “You’re not getting out of it that easily. Letting people see us there at the polls is supposed to be motivational or whatever. Hashirama was blathering on about it last night, something about letting them see our faces so they can be reminded that we care. I think. I wasn’t really listening to him.” 

Again his husband harrumphed, foiled in his rather pathetic efforts to get out of attending the day’s events. It would have been annoying if it weren’t so darn cute. Since he seemed determined in his sour mood Madara graciously let him be for a short while, observing in silence while Tobirama puttered around cleaning up all the messes he had made. It was unlike him to be so inconsiderate of his environment but Madara supposed it was possible he’d made himself so untidy in an unconscious attempt to excuse himself from going out in public. Even a stoic man like him could indeed be childish at times. 

It seemed to run in the family, honestly.

Unfortunately Tobirama’s efficiency was a trait all his own and it worked against him now. The kitchen was clean in what must have felt to him like no time at all. He looked a little lost in the aftermath, towel in hand as he swung his head from side to side, eyes longing for something else to focus on.  

“You know, I sort of forgot that you could bake,” Madara said, throwing him a bone. 

“Ah. Yes. It’s something that I usually save for when I need a non-violent stress reliever.”

“Mn, I don’t know, you were getting pretty violent with that dough.” His grin did nothing to deter those pretty red eyes from turning to narrow at him with annoyance. 

Incredibly, no retribution came. Instead Tobirama only stared at him for a moment, turned back to contemplate his baking cookies, then returned to staring at Madara with a dangerous sort of light dawning in his eyes. Gears were turning in that wicked mind. Sometimes that could be a good thing but at the moment it could only be something suspicious. When one corner of his mouth turned up ever so slightly Madara knew he was right to be worried. 

“How about you help distract me with some other entertainments, then? I can think of other ways we might get…violent.” His leer was a surprisingly well practiced expression from someone who typically preferred a more subtle invitation. 

“Something tells me your cousin would not appreciate us violating her kitchen like that,” Madara grumbled, his cheeks already heating up. 

He still wasn’t used to being as open with his sexuality as the other man – learning to be, but not quite there yet. There were still years upon years of being taught to suppress his urges to combat. He did still welcome his husband with open arms when Tobirama stepped up close to grant him the kisses he’d come all the way across the village to look for. A little embarrassed he might be but never let it be said that he would ever allow a bit of heat in his face to keep him from a good smooch. 

Of course, he should have known better. Tobirama was a master at distracting him away from talking about feelings and he’d been as quick to learn weaknesses in this arena as he had been in any other. Before he knew it Madara found himself with his back to the counter and strong hands framing his hips. Lips hot against his own stole the breath from his lungs, gentle pressure rolling their bodies together, and if he were just a slightly weaker man he would have given in to the fog threatening to slip down over him. As it was his entire body protested when he used the flat of his palm to separate them, arousal stirring warm in his belly. He ignored it regretfully.

“What did I just say about your cousin?” The scolding tone he was aiming for came out only slightly marred by his lack of oxygen. 

“I was trying to convince you to think of other things.” Tobirama sighed. 

“Believe me, I am thinking of them,” Madara admitted. “I just think now is not the time. Later.” 

“Promise?” his partner asked with an interested look. 

 With an exasperated chuckle he nodded. “I promise. Later. We’ll make it a celebration when you are inevitably voted in.”

Unsurprisingly that lost him the warmth of a willing body against his own but as it turned out that was a good thing as only after they separated did Madara notice the rather sizable problem in his trousers. Better to use what time they had left convincing that to go away before their hostess returned. Which, considering how he hadn’t at all been paying attention to the clock, could really be any minute. 

He was not entirely wrong about that. Though she was merciful enough to give them slightly more than the offered half hour of privacy, Touka's return came only a handful of minutes after Madara finally convinced his body to calm down. 

The first thing she did upon entering the home was shout down the hall to ask if they were decent. Only once they had confirmed that both of them were fully clothed did she kick off her sandals and wander in to the kitchen, eyes narrowed at the two of them suspiciously. Madara considered making some kind of comment about how clean the room was to assuage her worries but stopped himself as he realized that, were it him, he probably would have taken that to mean they’d been trying to cover up the evidence. Nothing else occurred to him to say so instead he bent down to hide his face by checking on the cookies.

Burnt to a crisp. 

“Should we have taken these out of the oven?” he asked. Tobirama swung around to stare at him with wide eyes. 

“I…yes. They were only supposed to cook for ten minutes. How did we not smell them burning!?” 

The energy with which he leapt across the kitchen was impressive to say the least, the sort of rapid fire movement one typically didn’t see off of a battlefield. Touka was already howling with shameless laughter as she answered.

“You make so much nonsense downstairs and I got tired of the smells so I had Mito whip me up a few seals to keep that and the smoke out of my kitchen. That was back before she redid the new ones to keep you safe, I’d entirely forgotten they were there!” Crossing both hands over her middle she folded in half to belt her amusement at the floor in graceless barks. Standing with his tray of ruined cookies between oven-mittened hands, Tobirama clearly did not appreciate her display.

“Don’t you think the laughter is a little unnecessary?” he snapped. 

“No!” she managed to choke out. 

“Fine. Just for that, I’m not making another batch. The next cookies I bake will be prepared at home and you will not be offered any.” Turning away with his nose held high, Tobirama dropped the tray of burnt crispy circles on the countertop with a frankly hilarious amount of attitude. 

All Madara could think was that the man had at least gotten what he wanted. He’d certainly gotten his distraction from thinking about the polls. That was the reasoning he used to justify not jumping in until Touka’s voice began to take on a familiar hissing quality. It was easy enough to distract her even with how little they knew one another, a simple question about how she had tightened security around the village in the past two weeks and Madara had her full attention. While Tobirama dealt with his ruined baking they chatted about all the subtle differences between how she organized her teams and the way he used to do it. 

For all that he’d been enraged to have such an important role taken away from him when it happened Madara could see now that things had all worked out for the best in this, too. Heading the police force really was the best place for him to be. They might not have a finished headquarters yet but he was proud of everything his volunteer officers had managed to accomplish so far. In fact, he was rather proud of everything accomplished by all factions since their clans all came together. Apparently he was in a very reflective mood lately. 

Eventually it was Touka who checked the clock and put an end to the time wasting. 

“Polls are starting in about five minutes,” she said. “Think the two of you should get going?”

“Ugh,” Tobirama groaned. 

“We really should.” Madara very carefully did not laugh at his partner’s reaction. When he cocked his head towards the door it was with both eyebrows raised in question. 

Touka considered his offer for a moment and then nodded. “Yeah I guess I’ll come along. Might as well find out firsthand which one of you poor sods is getting stuck with this job, eh?”

Neither of them was the least bit surprised when Tobirama shoved her on his way by, though Madara had to silently admit that he was a bit staggered by how well the three of them all got along as they made their way out of the house to mosey through the streets at an easy pace. Tobirama’s steps might have dragged a little but if he had any new complaints he didn’t bother to voice them. He was well aware that no one would listen if he did.

As busy as the roads had been when Madara was on his way in to the Senju district they were twice as bad now but eventually their little group made it to the village square. It took them until then to realize the reason that so many people were just standing around was because they were actually in line for the polls and the only reason the three of them had been let by was because they obviously weren’t casting their own ballot today. Coming around the last corner to see the madness in front of them was like a peek in to the future and it had Madara smiling.

“Well, you’ve managed to evade it for this little bit longer,” he murmured. “Are you ready to go face the inevitable?” 

“You are all enjoying this far too much,” was the only answer he got. 

Then Tobirama lifted his chin to march forward with the air of a man walking to his doom and Madara wondered if he were stepping ahead so he didn’t have to see the two behind him shake with amusement at his expense. Whatever the reason, he managed to retain a modicum of dignity and Madara decided he was feeling merciful enough to let the man keep it. By the time he caught up to the other he had successfully repressed his laughter and lifted his own chin, proud as any Uchiha clan head should be, more than ready to see which of them would be the one to shape the future ahead. 

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 9

Bad Kids Family Reunion

Can you believe we’re on our last episode for the year? I feel like we just started! We may not have another episode until January, but we left off on a doozy this week so let’s get going. This ep is basically split into two parts: The bulk of the Bad Kids in the Land of the Lomenelda and Adaine in Catheldriel Tower. In the ep, we go back and forth a little, but I’ll just summarize each part separately to keep things simple. 

Lomenelda Family Reunion

As you probably remember, last week the group decided to teleport to the Land of the Lomenelda because Catheldriel Tower was too secure to get into directly and because The LotL is both close by to the Tower but also the ancestral home of Fabian’s mother’s side of the family. 

Once they arrive, they see it’s basically the most stereotypical elven forest ever. Pristine woods, beautiful animals, haunting music. Fig puts a clove cigarette on the ground as an offering to a deer that she thinks might be her creature (which she still hasn’t paid for as far as I know) which brings out an elf named Telemien to tell her to stop littering. Telemien is very Elrond-esque and he has all the classic elven traits--long-winded, breathy speech, weirdly inflected words, turning into sand to be dramatic. He also happens to be Fabian’s grand-dad. 

Gilear rolls very well on his diplomacy check and, combined with the fact that they’ve brought family, the group in welcomed into the forest with open arms. Fabian fills his grand-dad in on why they’re in his neck of the woods and Telemien informs him that the Abernant family has been disgraced, Adaine’s mom was found guilty of treason (though he doesn’t know the exact crime) and fled, and their land has been seized by the Court of Stars. While the Lomenelda are generally apolitical, Telemien doesn’t have a problem saying that he has a low opinion of the Abernant family and Anguin especially is an amoral, power-grabbing, sonuvabitch.  

Riz, who is shouldering the entire responsibility of keeping the Bad Kids on task since Adaine is currently locked up, rolls to see if anything weird is going on in the forest and we learn that the Lomenelda basically just drug their teenagers with magic grapes and sad music to keep them chill and not horned up (something he finds iffy until a day of herding his friends towards a very time sensitive rescue mission at which point he’s like maybe this guy is on to something). Still, Riz warns the group against eating anything, which is always a good rule of thumb when you’re dealing with fae-adjacent nonsense (and Kristen does ping faint fey/celestial energy when she casts a Detect Evil and Good).

Fig and Riz are willing to leave for their rescue mission pretty much right away but the group decides to get a full night’s sleep first so they can regain spell slots and stuff. Ragh goes to flirt with some elf teenagers and Tracker reminds Kristen that they need to have a chat vis a vis Garthy and Sandra-Lynn. So, four episodes after the fact, Kristen finally tells Tracker that Sandra-Lynn hooked up with Garthy but she does it in such a blase and offhanded way that I assume was an attempt to sell it as not a big deal to Tracker to prevent a trip to the doghouse. It’s not the strategy I would have suggested and clearly the dice agree with me because she hits double Nat 1s on her persuasion roll. Tracker gives her another shot to give the real reason why she kept the info from her (besides “I didn’t wanna tell a lot of people,” which is such weaksauce). Kristen says that “so much was happening” and just Tracker stalks off. 

Fig, having seen Tracker leave in a huff, asks what just went down and Kristen tells her. Fig takes Kristen’s side and is appreciative that Kristen was willing to let her mom’s business be her own business. Kristen decides to give Sandra-Lynn a heads up that Tracker knows what she did. Sandra-Lynn is distraught enough about the situation that she makes the mistake of briefly giving Kristen whisky before wising up and sending her to the Van, sans alcohol.  

Fig talks to Gilear who, if you remember, also noticed that something was up with Sandra-Lynn and Garthy. Fig doesn’t give details but basically confirms it and says that at least he can take solace in the fact that him getting cheated on was probably more on her than because of anything he did. Gilear responds by telling Fig a little about Sandra-Lynn’s short-lived adventuring career: Apparently, Sandra-Lynn was a rising star in the adventuring world back when she went to Aguefort but her career was thrown off the rails when she joined a party as a replacement and ended up romantically involved with one member of a couple. The couple was very powerful and the one she was with didn’t treat her very well. Eventually, she was kicked out of the party and her name was smeared by the couple. After that, she couldn’t really find another party to join which is why she works for the Ranger Corp now. Gilear knows who the couple in question is but declines to tell Fig.

And the Kristen/Tracker trainwreck continues. Kristen gathers flowers for Tracker and finds her sulking in wolf form. Kristen did a decent job on the flower picking but whiffs her persuasion roll with another Nat 1! Tracker says that Kristen is always going off about being introspective and doing the right thing, but sitting on this, paralyzed with inaction was just as much of a wrong choice as taking an action and, also, it just plain sucked. Kristen kind of tries to “yes, dear” her way through the lecture but then gives Tracker the flowers in such a way that implies that eventually Tracker will get over it which Tracker does not care for at all. She stalks off for a second time.

Fig decides to tell Telemien that Gilear is dating Hilariel (his daughter) and they leave to take a walk and talk about poetry. Gorgug (who is very exhausted by all of the elven nonsense going on) goes to the Van and asks Ayda if she can cast Sending for him to Zelda. After accosting him (you can take the girl out of the pirate city and so on I guess) she says she’ll do it for 150 gold. The message essentially says, “Hey. We’re safe. Sorry about screwing up. I’m working on it. Miss you.” He rolls Persuasion with disadvantage and a 12 gets him left on read all night. 

Tracker has cast the Moon Haven spell and everyone (except Gilear) piles into the Van. Kristen, who’s sleeping alone tonight for obvious reasons, walks into Ragh’s room and sees that he has brought a high elf teenager. She quickly leaves to give him privacy and then decides to take Adaine’s room for the night. While she’s awake, she notices that Gorgug is still awake too. He says he messaged Zelda and he hasn’t gotten a reply yet. Maybe it’s a time zone thing? Kristen is pretty sure it isn’t a time zone thing. Gorgug also notices that Kristen came out of Adaine’s room and not Tracker’s. They hug it out over both being in the doghouse with their respective partners.

Fabian, who had previously failed his Con save with an 8, gets to re-roll because of the super fine, elven forged, 800 thread count sheets he brought into the Moon Haven (that Riz refused because it seemed inappropriate while Adaine was in jail) and he got a modded 20, finally getting over his levels of Exhaustion. Our boy isn’t back to his old self but he’s getting there.

In the morning, Riz is very anxious to leave and very over all the elven and Bad Kid shenanigans. Ragh is also very ready to leave, but that’s mainly because he wants to escape his (first ever) hook-up who is a liiiitle too into him being a half-orc if you know what I mean. Kristen decides to give one of her classic, patented, inspiring speeches which is just a glorious trainwreck that’s half public apology, half total ramble, 100% uncomfortable for everyone involved. Then, she offhandedly asks Telemien if he can see Kalina in the photo. He can’t but, guess what? She can. She freaks and asks Tracker to hug her cause she’s freaking out. Tracker obliges until Kristen pushes her luck and asks if she’s slept off being mad at her, at which point she up and leaves for the THIRD TIME. Even Fig is like, “Yikes, girl.”

Ayda isn’t sure if this is a good time (it’s not) but she got a reply back from Zelda. Zelda said that she couldn’t answer because she was at a party and says trying to build a cell tower is crazy. “It’s all whatever Gorgug. I don’t blame you.” The gang walks Ayda through the nuance of the text and why the prognosis is looking negative on the Zelda front. She offers to hurt Zelda for Gorgug. Gorgug appreciates the sentiment but declines. Ayda also says she can research Planeshift for Fig once they’ve rescued Adaine. 

But back to the matter at hand. Telemien explains the defenses of Calethriel Tower: It’s defended by a lot of arcane spellcraft that will protect against most magic attacks but is vulnerable to physical attacks which the elves would see as too base to defend against. All of the defenses are powered by Elemental Pylons (which are basically like power transformers). Also, Gilear tries (and fails) to ask for Hilariel’s hand in marriage by inducing vomiting in himself which makes slightly more sense in context but only slightly. 

When they get to the edge of the valley where the tower is, Kristen sees that the Pylons are pretty far away from each other (like, miles away). There’s no way to hit both towers and then get to Adaine before someone realizing something’s up. The group mentions that they’re also supposed to be breaking out Aelwyn but Fabian is a lot less gung-ho about that part of the plan than he previously was, pre-existential crisis. They talk it out for a while and end up coming up with the following plan: The hirelings will go to one Pylon to destroy it. Gorgug, Fabian, and Riz will destroy the second Pylon at the same time. Once the Pylons are down and the magical defenses are weak enough that they can use magic without it being countered, Fig (disguise expert), Kristen (in case Adaine or Aelwyn need heals, which they will), and Ayda (who has teleportation and invisibility spells) will go in and get the sisters. Then, everyone will meet at the Van and teleport out (or at the very least, get together to plan a different way out). 

Abernant Family Reunion

Meanwhile, in Calethriel Towel, Adaine is having a Day. She’s been put in a Torture Orb which isn’t that bad for the time being but it is very annoying and Boggy is pretty upset. She’s actually not being prevented from casting spells because the elves wouldn’t expect her to have slots yet and she can’t really regain them without trancing. She can sense that the prison is full of permanent magical effects (powered by the Pylons she doesn’t know about) which is unusual since those are really hard to achieve. 

The elves’ hubris in not completely stopping her from casting spells works out to Adaine’s favor. She casts Dispel Magic and needs to hit a 15. She gets a 19 and her orb disappears. Unfortunately, that sets off an alarm. She needs to hide but she’s not exactly Riz. She decides (to my immediate delight) to hide in Aelwyn’s room. She only rolls a 6 but that only means that Aelwyn clocks her when she rushes in, not the guards. Speaking of the guards, on a 15 perception check, Adaine can see that there actually aren’t a ton of security mages. It just seems that way because they can immediately teleport to wherever the problem is from these doorless archways. 

Anyway, Kier rushes in with some green, 8ft tall, magical construct guards. As she does so, Aelwyn motions for Adaine to stay silent. Kier asks Aelwyn if she knows where Adaine is and Aelwyn basically says, “How should I know?” (which is a question and not an outright lie, smart in case any kind of lie detector spell was running). Once Kier is gone, Aelwyn telepathically messages Adaine (which is a cantrip she’d be able to do even without spell slots) and asks if Adaine has any spell slots left they can use to escape. Adaine says she has 4 first level spell slots and her frog, but her spellbook was taken (as was her jacket). Aelwyn says it was probably taken to the vault on the first floor but it would have been locked down because of the alarm was triggered. Then she and asks if their mom found her and Adaine said she did, briefly.

Up close, Adaine can see more clearly what she glimpsed for a second when she was brought in. Aelwyn is doing BAD. She’s shaking just from the effort of keeping upright and having trouble putting together thoughts. Completely unprompted, Adaine tells Aelwyn that nobody deserves the torture she’s going through and that it’s barbaric and undeserved. Aelwyn immediately starts tearing up (as much as she can being so dehydrated) and says that she can’t remember exactly what it is that she did--both to the world in general and to Adaine specifically--but it was also barbaric and undeserved. She apologizes and is self aware enough to realize how messed up she must have have been that it took months of literal torture to get her to a place where she realized that she had things to apologize for--even though she can’t really remember what they are at this point in her mental deterioration. Adaine, in turn, is aware enough to realize at this point that their parents didn’t just screw her up; they screwed up Aelwyn too by treating her like the golden child. Aelwyn reflexively defends their parents, saying that they tried their best and that they were just trying to make them better by having high expectations but Adaine, who’s had a year of therapy to unpack her trauma, gently rebuffs her. “Expectations without love? What’s that?”

At this point in the conversation, Aelwyn starts repeating herself like an NPC that’s run through all their scripted dialogue options. Adaine realizes but is very patient with her until she’s found and brought back to her cell. However, her cell is close enough to Aelwyn’s that they can message each other. She also uses Ray of Frost in her Orb to make a kind of Slip and Slide to keep her spirits up and she’s able to avoid taking a level of exhaustion in there.  

Later, Kier comes in with Adaine’s dad so they can talk. And by that I mainly mean so he can talk at her because she still wants nothing to do with him. Anguin tells Adaine to stop being stubborn and just do what’s asked of her to avoid execution. She also doesn’t know how he is OK with how they’re torturing to Aelwyn. He says she’s being a drama queen since Aelwyn committed treason and she’s not being literally physically beaten or injured. Adaine starts trying to respond to that and then decides to just demand a lawyer. Anguin thinks she’s being ridiculous because things like lawyers and democracy are Solesian concepts and ridiculous, unlike Falinel’s totally normal system government which involves immortal dancers and moon phases.  

Adaine, in probably the most high-elf-y display we’ve seen from her, formally curses her dad in the name of the seas and the moon and sun. Then she casts Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on her dad (wasting one of her very few spell slots in a very in character way) because she truly cannot help herself. After Kier quickly dispels it, she demands to see the Solesian Ambassador. But you’re a citizen of Falinel, says Kier (though she can’t hide that the threat gets to her a little). Yeah, but I go to Aguefort, says Adaine. As soon as his name is invoked, a hologram of Aguefort pops up like Clippy and says, “Hey, it seems like you’re F’ing with one of my students. Now, I’m the baddest bitch that’s ever lived. Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” Kier smirks and chooses the hard way. The hologram blinks out, an alarm starts going off--

And that’s where we end for the year! 

*Note: Anguin and Adaine also were contenders for Detention and the Honor Roll respectively but it would have been for basically the same things as last week so I chose other people. 

Detention

Kristen for The Worst Apology Ever

I’ve been concerned about this whole Sandra-Lynn/Garthy thing blowing up since it happened, man. I read the writing on the wall. And I knew, if she didn’t get ahead of it, this was gonna splash back on Kristen. And then she decides, not only is she not going to get ahead of it, she’s gonna actively jog further behind it? Truly wild. 

And it’s even crazier because, yeah, it would be an awkward conversation to have but it wouldn’t have reflected badly on Kristen (who didn’t do anything), just on Sandra-Lynn. And, yeah, not great for group dynamics but, you know what’s way worse? Tracker being mad at Kristen AND Sandra-Lynn. Tracker’s not even so mad on her Uncle’s behalf as she is about how Kristen decided to handle the situation which, yeah! Duh! How did you think cutting your girlfriend out of the loop would go?

And, listen, a lot actually was going on. The Fabian ordeal then Ragh got possessed, Riz got ambushed by Kalina, they fought Wicklaw again and Adaine got kidnapped. All of these things happened very close together than they’re all #1 Priority type things. She for sure had time to tell Tracker (and should have) but it wasn’t the most pressing thing going on. There is an apology that includes the words “there was a lot going on” that actually works but DAMN, this was NOT it chief.

Honor Roll

Aguefort for Having his Students’ Back 

Listen. Aguefort is a crazy, mercurial, semi-feral agent of chaos who I would never leave children in the care of.

HOWEVER, when he comes through he REALLY comes through and man did he come through for Adaine.

Of course, it remains to be seen what his help will actually look like but he gets this spot for bringing a spot of hope into a pretty terrible situation in a very cool way. Well, that and the Drama of It All. 

Also, I’m just relieved he’s at least somewhat keeping track of the child assassins he’s sending out into the world.  

Random Thoughts

Adaine Re: Boggy: He’s with me how dare you?

Brennan says near the end of the ep something like, “I didn’t think we were gonna spend a whole episode dunking on eleves,” but, honestly? Valid. I really can’t stand elves in most media (even though I usually play elves or half-elves) because they’re so pompous and holier than thou and constantly talking about how fleeting everyone else's lives are. It drives me nuts. Moonshine in Naddpod is my favorite elven archetype in anything because she totally inverts the trope. 

“I can’t believe I’m half this.”/”You are not half this these are high elves.”

I love how Fig has absolutely no concept of how this “make me a creature” thing is supposed to work. Does she think Aguefort is just gonna release it into the world without telling her and she has to just, like, find it? Not that that doesn’t sound like something he might do, but still.

Gorgug gets so sick of the insane elven pronunciations and talk about how he’s gonna die at 20 and general nonsense that he has to go lie down in the Van which is The Mood.

Fabian receiving a long, elven greeting from his grandad and then giving the most kid-like response--“Yeah so I’m in high school and I have a school project I need help on and it’s like 60% of my grade”--was very funny.

A couple lore points from this episode:

Fabian’s grand-dad crafted a sword for the king of Falinel 3000 years ago which is why he was gifted the land they live on.

Calethriel Tower was originally a monument by a grieving widow to her husband died in war with Highcourt 500 years ago.

For more detailed physical descriptions and info on the lore, you can check out jamiebluewind’s post on that here.

And then you can also find new character descriptions here and transcripts of the two big RP scenes in Calethriel tower here and here. 

And I just wanna give another big shoutout to @jamiebluewind who saved me a lot of backtracking with these descriptions/transcripts. I really appreciate the effort it takes to do that and it’s a super useful resource to have.  

“Sheetsmith” High elves are truly insufferable. I’m with Gorgug on this.

I love Fig’s continuing efforts to be Gilear’s cheerleader. Their relationship is so great and it’s come a long way. I also love his brief moments of insight and competence (like, lol, remember in ep1 when Fig disguised herself as her mom and he drove her to school anyway? I loved that) so I was really cheering for him when he successfully did his diplomat stuff at the top of the ep and during his talk with Fig.

Fabian saying he wants his V-Card “removed” like it’s an infected appendix or something. I’m curious to see what, if anything, he says to Aelwyn when they see each other again, seeing as they’ve both hit rock bottom since the last time they met--which, to remind you, was at an insane house party where they were both at like a 14 out of 10.

I think it’s really great that, despite how much the Bad Kids clown on each other, they’re all super patient with explaining social nuances to Ayda. And I love that even though Ayda is pretty unclear about what the appropriate response is to anything, she is pretty ride or die but quick to rein it in once someone talks to her.

“It’s probably fine if Gilear has a grape.”

It’s very important for me to note that the funniest thing that happened this episode was a player action, not a character action and it was Siobhan--after about an hour of sitting in relative silence as the rest of the group did their thing--pulling out a present for Brennan--a set of Sugar and Dice Candy Dice. “So you can eat your fucking dice!” Amazing.

Brennan, as Telemien, recited some poetry and either Brennan just had that memorized or he was freestyling poetry with a consistent meter and rhyme scheme which is just too much for me to handle rn.

Kristen’s “inspiring” speech included the line, “Friendship is thicker than water and we need water to live.” Classic Kristen.

I truly cannot wait for Hilariel to re-enter the story. I want her takes on so many things and I want to know what her relationship with Gilear is like so so so bad. I wonder if he’s gonna tell her what happened with her dad. I didn’t really get the sense that she and Telemien stay in touch very much. But, in fairness, I don’t think she’s kept up with anything/one much in the past 20ish years. Imagine a wedding arc. Now that I’ve thought of it, I want it more than I can imagine. You know Fig would appoint herself Best Man.

The friend group thing where someone says your name wrong once and you pray it doesn’t become A Thing, even though someone’s already in the process of changing the group text title to that. Anyway, you know everyone’s gonna be spelling Fabian’s name Fah-Bee-Ahn in their group text for the foreseeable future.

Fig Re: Gorgug using the Pirate Sending Spell to Zelda: You can end with raunchy promises.

What party was Zelda going to in the Red Waste mid-quest? Was there even really a party? Or was it maybe a Gold Gardens type thing? Based on my experiences being a teenage girl, I would not be surprised if that text was written by committee. 

“She’ll come back?”/“Sure.” 

Kristen taking Adaine’s vacant room was such an evocative image. I can see it perfectly. Just her curled up alone in this immaculate room with little Adaine-y touches, sad about two things.

The Bad Kids in the forest had maybe the biggest Teenager energy that I’ve seen in any episode of FH so far. Like, that Tracker/Kristen argument alone.

“If you wanted me to build a cell tower I would do it immediately and I would know how.”

I don’t know if there really haven’t been many Kristen and Gorgug scenes or if I’m just forgetting but I loved their one on one in this ep. They’re good scene partners. 

I also really liked Gorgug’s talk with Ayda who has been a great addition to the squad. And I love how easily she jumped from, “You’re a good person from what I’ve seen” to that John Mulaney sketch where he’s like, “That guy sounds like he sucks. Do you want me to murder him for you?”

Brennan gave everyone some XP this ep so they’re very close to level 9. Lol at everyone suggesting they Fight Club each other to grind the last bit they need.

“My friend is kidnapped and the rest of my friends are just dancing and eating grapes!”

Telemien’s abject revulsion to the point of throwing up at the operation of a gun (which is why Gilear induced vomiting before asking for Hilariel’s hand btw) was a Choice on Brennan’s part.

“The body protects itself and secretes more hit points.”

Telemien offers to get the best eleven eyesmiths (sure) to make Fabian a new eye and it shouldn't even take long. Unfortunately, in elf-time, that could mean anything from 1 - 100 years.

WHY CAN KRISTEN SUDDENLY SEE THE SHADOWCAT? WHAT IS GOING ON? I’m like thisclose to thinking that it actually is transmitted through bodily fluids like some people were saying. But, seriously, what’s changed since last time the picture was taken out? This was post argument with Tracker. Is that a factor? Or does it just feel like it might be because it was the last major thing to happen before she was able to see it? I want to sit down during the break and make, like, a conspiracy theory board to put together all the data we have on this so far because I feel like every single new piece of info we get is something unexpected but I falso eel like we’re gonna hit ourselves when we realize what it is. 

Fig is very ride or die for Adaine this whole episode. She basically had no spell slots but was ready to go after Adaine right away, she offered to go in to get her alone as a “one woman Adaine retrieval team” while everyone else dealt with the Pylons, and when Ayda said Adaine was her best friend, she was like, “Well Adaine is kinda my best friend.”

“By the transitive property, are we best friends?” [Yes] “I grow richer by the day.” I love her so much. 

Even though Telemien is like more than a thousand years old, he’s apparently never met a goblin because he calls Riz a “strange, green, mouse thing.”

Riz: Who among us hasn't killed someone?

That "on mushrooms" bit had big "cell tower" energy.

Gorgug: Your grandfather is pissing me off.

Siobhan, to Lou who just Rolled an 8 on His Con Save: We're gonna get you new hands for Christmas. 

“It’s Gilear’s day baybee!”

I loved Riz and Fig teaming up to give Gilear as much help as possible for his botched attempt at asking for Hilariel’s hand. “Did he just call himself a throw-up boy?”

If you think about it, it actually is extremely funny that Adaine would demand a lawyer. She’s lived in Falinel almost her entire life but she studied abroad for one year and all of a sudden she’s like, “I have rights!”

Gilear very specifically said that Sandra-Lynn was with, "a member if the couple" and not which one it was. That was such an intentionally vague phrasing that I'm surprised Fig didn't call him on it. Also, I'm curious whether Fig actively knows who it is (maybe a teacher at school) or if he just knows she would go track them down for shenanigans once she had a name.

Also, speaking of Fig, wild that her Catfishing of Dr. Asha is one of the only relationships standing at this point. 

OK, I ate my vegetables now I get to talk about Abernant Family Drama.

Those of you who have been following me since I became active in the d20 fandom probably know that one of the first things I wrote were a series of meta-bordering-on-drabbles about what a future relationship between Adaine and Aelwyn could look like because, from episode one, my thought was, “There’s not one messed up sister in this house, there’s two.” I have been on the Abernant Sisters Against Their Parents train since S1 y’all and I thought it had a decent chance of happening but then Aelwyn’s iconic S1 episode happened and we learned she was working with Kalvaxus and she got thrown in jail so there wasn’t much time for development from her.

But then, it became clear that the Abernant family was gonna be all up in this arc and I got excited again. I mean, I tempered my expectations. The confrontation could have shaken out in a couple of different ways. And I would have enjoyed watching Adaine verbally destroy two family members instead of just the one, don’t get me wrong. But y’alllllllllll.

I thought Adaine and Aelwyn would put aside their differences and end up on the same side eventually but I wasn’t expecting Adaine, with absolutely no prompting, to take the path of compassion so quickly and absolutely. And, in turn, I didn’t expect Aelwyn to be as apologetic and forthright as she was. And, man, her whole situation is heartbreaking. The idea that you were so messed up that it took a year of torture to be able to recognize that you were living such a fundamentally flawed life? And then reaching that point but at the cost of your stability and the information needed to make things right? Literally not knowing what’s real and what your fevered brain has made up? That’s so tragic, man.

And Adaine was so gentle with her. The patience as she started repeating things and the kindness as she firmly cast away any remaining delusions Aelwyn had about their parents and upbringing. I am so constantly upset by how well the cast in general but Bren and Siobhan specifically just spit out these fully formed masterpieces that I would need to take a full hour to think through before even opening a Word Doc. It’s really magical.

I have no idea how much mental damage a healing spell can fix, if any, but I’m very interested to see what an even slightly more stable Aelwyn looks like, post all of this. Like, say she gets completely stable due to a combo of therapy and healing magic over time. What is her personality even like at that point? Does she revert back to a version of her old personality but with the acid aimed at someone who deserves it? Does she start from scratch from this baby deer learning to walk place she’s at right now? 

Very good DM move from Brennan to have Adaine’s low stealth roll to be Aelwyn noticing her and not the guards so we still got the Aelwyn confrontation and not a quick and frustrating capture. 

Aelwyn asked Adaine if, “mother found you,” which makes it sound like she checked in with Aelwyn before she fled. I continue to be very interested in the clues we’re getting to what that woman is up to. Maybe Aelwyn knows more info that the gang could get once she’s a little better or via a detect thoughts or something similar.

I want Anguin to look me in the eye and tell me to my face that not letting someone rest for a full year and not letting them eat or drink and literally keeping them on the brink of death isn’t torture so I can jump through the computer screen into Falinel and strangle him with my bare hands. Like, boy, you’re not even going to go with, “This is justified torture?” You’re gonna say it just straight isn’t? Man I can’t wait for the Bad Kids and/or Aguefort Himself to get sicced on this bastard.

OK, I don’t wanna end on a point about Anguin so, instead, think about Adaine and Aelwyn keeping each other company from nearby cells via the Message cantrip. Isn’t that bittersweet? Closer than they’ve ever been but physically separated and it took literal torture for them to get there.

Oh! And, actually, I almost forgot but this is also a good note to end on. Shoutout to Adaine for switching from Elven to Common when talking to her dad, just to be that little bit more of an annoyance to him. You gotta rebel how you can. 

That's it for 2019, guys! We don't have another ep until January 8. Have a good New Years in the meantime and I'll see you then!

No Nat 20’s were rolled this ep. Gorgug rolled 1 Nat 1 and Kristen rolled 2 (or three if you count the one she rolled with disadvantage).

[popculturebuffet]

Excalibur #1: “The Accolade of Betsy Braddock”

As the magic of Krakoa seeps into Otherworld and puts Morgan Le Fay in a genocidal mood, Betsy Braddock tries to find her place in the new world while also dealing with her idiot brother.. but you know instead of Paul Rudd she has a reality warping man child with mental instablity. Meanwhile Apocalypse adopts an unprouncable name and a new misson statment as a wizard man, Gambit suppresses the urge to kill him and Goldballs tries a new somehow even worse name out.

Welcome back. Due to yesterday being kinda nuts, and the last review being more taxing than planned, this one is kinda late. But better late than never as dawn of X continues it’s win streak with Excalibur, back and better than ever. And thankfully this time, the exposition is all really easy to bake in as we go compared to my last few reviews, so without any delay, it’s time to forge the sword once again. This is Tini Howard and Marcus To’s Excalibur.

We open on a long info page revealing that when Xavier gave his big “While you Slept the world changed” or, to put it more acuratley “All I wanted was to love you , to help you to save your asses and all you did was either try to kill us, look away while others did, or make a token effort at best to help. Fuck you, we’re taking what’s ours bitches. “ speech, Apocalypse gave his own, in a sense telling Humankind “Magic is ours to take back now.... “

We cut to the present where Morgan Le Fay is in Otherworld, basically the court of king arthur, the source of Captain Britan’s power, and a realm created by the british public’s collective subconscious. I don’t get it either. But Morgan Le Fay, Arthur’s evil sister and long time pain in the ass of the Avengers in the 616, has taken over in his absence and nearly drowns one of her minons upon finding something in her well.. a weed affecting it.. and since the x-men have a plant motif and apocalypse made a big MINE NOW speech to the rest of the world.. it’s easy to see Krakoa’s involved. Nice work Apocalypse, your on Krakoa one week and you’ve already pissed off the neighbors.

After the opening titles, we cut to Braddock Academy, basically the british version of Xavier’s and Avengers Academy and unsurprisingly a pet project of Brian’s. Since the school is also the Braddock ancestral home, Betsy’s been crashing here while sorting things out after getting her original body back. Yeah for those of you not that familiar with Psylocke, which I am not but know at least this much, was body swapped with the Assian Kwannon. That was reversed shortly before Dawn of X, which in order to help smooth the transition has given each their own starring roll. And really it is an intresting thing to explore: Betsy spent 5 or 6 years in a body that was not her own, living her life, loving, and doing bloody awful things in the name of the greater good. So it’s no suprise being put back in her old body after all this time and the implications of having basically lived her life in someoen elses skin with the other person now having it back and being understandably pissed about it, having only not gotten it back sooner due to dying of the Legacy Virus. Thankfully this issue dives deep into it and we’ll explore it more as we go.

The child loudly complaning is Margaret, Brian and Meggan’s daughter. Margret is one of the few things Mark Guggenheim’s run on X-Men did that was all that intresting as, probably thanks to a combination of her dad’s magical man juice and her mom’s already shifting genetics, can already talk in full sentences and comprehend stuff at the tender age of 1. Betsy is of course heading to Krakoa but much like Kitty last week, she’s unsure. But it still works: Kitty was unsure because Krakoa, for whatever reason, basically rejected her and staying would just make her a ghost again. For Betsy, she’s gone from living in a stranger’s body and back again and is understandably frazzled and unsure of tommorow.

But as Brian escorts her to the portal on his property, a touch I like as Meggan is a mutant herself and Brian is a longtime ally so it makes perfect sense to put a portal down there both for his mutant students to depart and for Meggan to visit without having to leave her husband behind, he encourages her. This is something I love about the issue: most x-runs I see betsy in kinda forget she has a brother and Uncanny X-Force turned him into an asshole. Here, their close bond and past, she was a supporting character in his book first after all, is shown beautifully as Brian , while happy to have her back, wants her to move on with her life and knows she’ll do great. 

As also seen above Betsy wishes their brother could join them though Brian isn’t so sure. I didn’t really get into Jamie in the other review, and i’m pleased as punch to get here there. Jamie is their older brother.. and also has schizophrenia and the power of god, two tastes that instead create a rancid punch that threatns all life as Jamie dosen’t think anything else is real. Despite this, Betsy wishes he’d be there to see it and hopes it’d make him better. After all if Apocalypse can find a new start here why not him? They literally have worse people on the island.

Speaking of the devil, after Betsy makes her awkward entrance, we cut to Apocalypse who’s of course standing out a window watching everything meancingly, because even when he’s on the good guy side and no longer plotting horribly Darwinian crimes.. he’s still a super villian deep down and old habits die hard. He’s visited by Trinary, a fairly new x-character introduced in X-Men Red, she’s a technopath, as well as one of the brain trust running Krakoa’s computer network. Also as you can see apocapse want’s to be called by his weird Krakoan name.. i’m just going to stick with Apocalypse as I assume it’s the same thing and even Tini Howard herself has flat out admitted she dosen’t have a translation for it and just scripts him as Apocalypse still. He also gets dagger eyes from everyone’s faviorite Cajun as he makes his villianous rant.

Remy does however have more reason than most to hate the man: He was one of Apocalypse’s horseman once: he attempted to go under cover, but underestimated how good the horseman process was and would up having to go to Mr.Sinister of all people to get himself back to normal. So yeah, having the guy who turned you into a monster that tried to kill your future wife, KINDA makes you not willing to have a ham sammich with the guy.  Trinary came to fetch Apocalypse to check out a new gate that opened.. to otherworld.. the problem is Morgan sealed it, and thus Apocalypse , not being a moron, decides they need “a champion” to break it. And since Hercules is on a three month no pants cruise of the bahamas right now, he’s going to have to be less literal about it.  Meanwhile MOrrigan is an asshole to a coven of sorcerers decreeing that they failed her by.. letting mutants exist. Yeah the one weakspot I have with the book thus far is the opening villianess: Morgan Le Fay simply isn’t that intresting and while she’s had a good storyline or too here she’s pissy because.. mutants found magic again. It isn’ t a terrible motive but her steroptical villaness “take my anger out out my minons” stuff is just tiresome and not at all entertaining. She’s the right level of threat for this book, just not fleshed out about enough and is the one real dry spot in this issue. 

Back on Krakoa, Betsy runs into Kwannon and it’s.. about as awkard as you’d expect as you can see.. and really isn’t helping Betsy’s unease. And I actually, despite not having read a ton of comics with Betsy in them get why she’s so uneasy besides the obvious problems of having the woman whose face you stole around all the time: she has no idea what to do. Everyone else on Krakoa, for the most part at least, is fully on board with the new plan, rairing to go. Sure some understandably object to their old foes being there… but theirs a sense of optimism and wonder and happy.. that just dosen’t go with someone who has so much blood on her hands she looks like she took a guys heart out with her bear hands, is in a body that hasn’t been home in years, and has to look the person who’s body she stole, intentional or not, and didn’t put any effort into bringing back from the dead or once she was back giving her her body back in the face. She’s just not in a great place. Thankfully even if her old pal Jubilee dosen’t pick up on this she does get Betsy could probably use some booze. Unfortunatley pressing matters keep her from finding out if krakoa can pour mimosa’s directily into her mouth via some kind of hose bush:

It’s your pal and mine goldballs, one of the five mutants able to raise the dead (but the car is fine). Or Egg I guess but I’m not calling him that. For one goldballs is a far better name just for the ridiculous factor. For another, just call yourself goldeggs. It’s still dumb but egg is somehow dumber. Even add a Z if you want no one cares. Your one of Krakoa’s own personal jesus’. You could rip a person’s throat out and no one would care… though granted that’s also because death is now meaningless for mutants. But yeah as you can see he has a problem and it’s Jamie.

And yup Jamie is back, alive and while not trying to kill everyone, is still kind of a weird asshole. Also I do not want to know what he did in there but I presume he fucked at least one person. Maybe he made them out of thin air, maybe they just came in. Maybe Sinister decided why not. Either way he’s fouling up the pods, and soon puts his foot in his mouth by saying Betsy’s classic look reminds him of better times right after their parents died. However in a nice little character bit he quickly apologizes, showing he has genuinely changed thanks to his resurrection on some level, and admits that the real reason is because they were all together then and all happy. As for why he’s a nusiance, it’s simple: while ressurectees DO need time to recover from you know, the whole being dead thing, it usually takes about ten minutes for the shock to wear off. And while there’s clearly no shock left Jamie is just farting around. Betsy’s response is to treat him like a ten year old. 

It..actually works.. but unfortunately Jamie has about as much intrest in seeing Brian as Brian does in seeing him. And I see why: before he went insane, Jamie was still a supervillian and still hunted brian out of jealousy, while Jamie.. is just kind of a dick. He’s like Krakoa’s own discord: he’s not an apocalyptic godlike threat to the world any more but he will fuck with you just for cheap laughs. Betsy tries using her telepathy to force him to go but Fabio stops her, as it upsets the eggs apparently and decides to drag Brian here, something even Jamie can see as a bad idea. And when the naked man whose been back for all of 5 minutes can see the holes in your plan, maybe you rethink things. But I also get why Betsy is trying so hard at this: She has almost no stablity left and Brian has been her rock, past and present. But Jamie is still her brother and now has the potetinal to do good and while still a loon, is no longer a genocidal madman and is stubbornly refusing to reconcile because he’s decided to swear off humanity. She just wants her family whole and her brothers not trying to kill each other, but is in too bad a state to recognize they need time and may NEVER get along. it’s how it is with family. Dosen’t mean she has to choose one or the other. Brian wouldn’t make her and frankly Jamie isn’t dumb enough to try that.  Thankfully apocalypse interupts Betsy’s extrodinarly bad plan to ask her about the gate.. and point out that Brian himself would be the best way and that, even as a half human, he’d be welcome here in this crisis. He probably get some leeway since apparently the captain britan thing makes him half otherworlder and he is a cosmic champion versus just some joe who wants to enjoy a paradise he hasn’t earned thorugh hard work or nearly dying a bunch. 

Betsy heads to Braddock Manor where Brian is already planning on going to Otherworld to fix this and is naturally not all that inclined to listen to Apocalypse. So as seen above Betsy goes with plan B: She’s going with him even if it’s a trap because fighting alongside her brother doing the right thing is better than moping around an island trying to dodge Kwannon. This also gives me a nice opprotunity to bring up Betsy’s approach to their former enemies. She’s far more accepting than the rest, even Logan outright objected, but I also easily get why: She’s former black ops, having served on one version of X-Force and lead the one right after it. She understands the need for pragmatism and is a pragmatic person. It’s probably why she’s so willing to forgive Jamie: yeah he did terrible things, but at his worst he was mentally ill, and as established by X-Men #1, Krakoa has terrific healthcare and telepaths and empaths to help him work through his issues. He may not WANT to of course, but he’s more likely to and him slowly improving in paradise is better than her brother just being dead to her as a genocidal mad man.  They encounter Morgan who, being basically a 50′s disney villian, expects Brian as otherworld’s champion to start drowning his own sister.. because fuck subtley. 

Back on Krakoa we meet up with Rouge and Gambit. As a tiny bit of exposition for you lapsed ex fans the two are now married. The two reconciled in the excellent Rouge and Gambit mini series, hashing out their long and messy history. Then X-Men gold happened.. see there was SUPPOSED to be a wedding of Colosus and Kitty.. but their reconcilation was so terribly forced no one wanted the wedding and editoral had gambit, of course, steal The Wedding. So the two are in a happy place, though Rouge dosen’t want to use her power dampener on paradise, understandable as said dampener is a repurposed anti-mutant thing and it’d be like brining a pile of nazi gold as your present to a jewish wedding. Rouge then decides , as shown above ot bring up the idea of having kids but before Gambit can say “of course”, Trinary summons them for apocalypse. Apocalypse needs Rouge as he figures her absoprtion power might allow her to serve as a gateway, and a way to retrieve Betsy. Remy, Understandably, dosen’t want her to do this But Rogue is willing to take the risk to save her friend. Remy , now tenativley on board, suggestings bringing in Jubes since she was the last one to talk to Betsy, but A-Train is way ahead of them. 

Naturally, having talked to her all of one sentence, she has nothing. Also curiously apparently Apocalypse wanted Jubes to bring her son, adopted if you didn’t knokw about him, Shogo with her but shockingly she didn’t want to bring her son to see the scary blue man who had no trouble trying to do a murder on a child when she was younger. However Apocalypse really needs her as a bridge between minds: Rouge will touch the portal to break through it and Gambit will keep watch and is all too happy to. As a side note i’d lvoe to see apocalypse babysit “So you see small infant, after that I cleaved the flesh off his skull and put said skull on a pile as a warning to my enimies. You always want to get the flesh nice and clean off.. .the bits create more of a smell and you need to think of the smell. Speaking of the smell I think someone needs a changie!” 

I would too, but i’m pretty sure Remy would be a ground smear, but I think Apocaypse does respect his willingess to try anyway even if he dosen’t take gambit serious as a threat. 

Back in crazy magic lady town Morgan is slowly corrupting Brian, and despite Betsy’s best attempts to stop it, is quickly turned into a warped dark knight who’s trying to shove the amulet of right in her face for some reason.

But with Apocalypse plan in motion, she figures out what’s going on and destroys the portal.. unfortuantley for Rogue this causes to feel weird and then well.. this is the end result.

What exactly the fuck dosen’t even begin to describe this.

Back in King Arthur’s House, Trinary’s words not mine, Betsy tries to kick Morgan’s ass but Dark Brian blocks her… before the above happens.. and it’s clear WHY he was cramming the amulet down her throat... Morrigan has full control of him, he can’t do anything to stop her.. but he can pass it on so she can hopefully stop her or , if he can’t be freed, destroy him before he harms anyone else. He sends her back to the real world as Betsy wails> This scene is damn powerful, as we’ve seen before Brian was one of the few people who understood she was going through some shit and offered her his full support... and now he’s gone, no idea how to rescue him, leaving a wife and daughter behind. 

Back on Krakoa things arne’t much better wirth Rouge int he flower cocoon I showed earlier and Gambit ready to blow Apocalypse’s head off.. and as you can see Apocalypse is like “Fine i’ll come  back from it stronger, but can you please wait? We’ve got a lot of shit going down. But before Apocalypse can pound Remy into a Cajun Corpse, the assembled group is distracted by a returning Betsy. 

And so we end on Betsy, now fully crowned once again as Captain Britain, wondering what the fuck is up with Rogue. We get a quick Epilogue where one of the covern from earlier joins a cult based on the same one related to apocayplypse and we’re out. ‘Final Thoughts: Excalibur #1 is a good start. While some things don’t quite gel, Otherworld isn’t explained at all for those who have never heard of it (raises hand), it feels fresh and makes me invested in Betsy’s struggle, the tragedy Brian goes through, Remy’s fury and Apocalypse, who for once gets to serve as a wise sage instead of a warrior and it���s an intresting role for him, as well as him clearly being set up to mentor Betsy as she rises higher than ever before with her new role. It makes you want to see what comes next and the only real drawback is that Jubilee is basically a tagalong while Rictor is entirely absent, but both I suspect will be fixed with time. As fhte first part of a story, and the first Dawn of X Comic to be part of an arc since the two mini series that launched it, it works well setting things up. As I said the comic suffers from a lack of exposition on Otherworld and from a weak villain, but it’s not enough to distract from this fun, well crafted fantasy and I can’t wait to see what comes next. Until next time, hail to the queen baby.  

[gav-san]

The Hollow Kingdom

Review and Defense of a classic fantasy favorite.

Warning: Below is a large explanation that spoils some upcoming projects and talks about things you may be uncomfortable with, but are important to talk about. Also, spoilers of the book. 

Please consider reading the book!

There’s a stage that man girls go through, likely after watching the 1986 Labyrinth. I like to call it the ‘Goblin King Craze’. After all, few things match the childhood spectacle of David Bowie dancing in very tight pants with his cohort of bumbling goblins, coupled with the magic of Jim Henson. 

I can imagine many of you who have watched this movie, had like me, also longed for the imagination and craze in your own life, or at least something similar in fiction.  

Cue being a teenager, and discovering The Hollow Kingdom (published 2003), but mere chance in your hometown library. 

Here is the Goodreads summary: “In nineteenth-century England, a powerful sorcerer and King of the Goblins chooses Kate, the elder of two orphan girls recently arrived at their ancestral home, Hallow Hill, to become his bride and queen...”

It’s no surprise that I ended up loving this book. 

This book is generally under a YA fiction/fantasy tag. It has won various awards, including the 2004 Mythopoeic Fantasy Award for Children's Literature. It’s well-written, relatable to a young woman, and full of intelligent moments and clever thinking. The characters are fully-fledged, as are the societies they live in. 

It’s not a perfect book. Sometimes the pacing and choice of focus can be inconsistent, and sometimes the timing and structure are not as strong as they could be. Its lack of care for developing romance can cause problems with the reviewers, had they been expecting a romance.

Now let’s chat a bit. As a teenager, it was an eye open experience to discover a book that didn’t pander another tale of ‘Beauty and the Beast’ once again. Meaning, an easy tale that force-fed me obvious morals, and condescended to my 'age-level’. And, I thought, it was better to talk about difficult things then pretend they didn’t exist.

And so time passed, the internet grew, and the Me Too movement rolled along, said hi, and sorta gave a half-hearted wave as it did so. Now, much older, I have finally had time to work on some projects that I’ve been thinking about for a long time. I do fanfic’s as a writing exercise, but my true love is illustrating stories on the webtoon platform. I have a series called ‘Vixen’ out that has been a trial run of sorts to sharpen my skills and get me back on track.

One of the long-running projects that I’ve desperately wanted to illustrate for a long time is ‘The Hollow Kingdom’. I am only in the beginning steps and have yet to contact the author or any of the other relevant sources. This research stage is mostly an exploration to see if this is even possible, and how it would be done. 

As I’ve delved into the internet to see how my old favorite has aged... I was a bit startled.

Despite its initial accolades around 2018, when a lot of Hollywood was being stripped and scattered, and there were many accusations worldwide of prominent figures accused of sexual abuse, perhaps it was predictable that a complicated book that does not deal with a traditional happy ending started becoming maligned in general. And as social media, as a rule, tends to ignore content in favor of a thoughtful readthrough, I felt the need to go reread and reassess my POV.

So I did.

And I still enjoyed the book. As did the roughly 10,000 others who rated it 4 stars and above.

But to be fair, here are some reviews from other who didn’t:

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1. The end is some sort of apologia for rape, abduction, and Stockholm Syndrome.

2. I expect that when I’m told said female protagonist is intelligent for her to actually be intelligent, like you know, by giving her any ounce of sense, resourcefulness, or deductive skills. 

3. (The Goblin King)...seriously tries to justify his actions by saying he doesn’t have a choice...

4. I also did not like the pointless slaughtering of animals…which really if you think about it made no sense…why would the monkey and wolf not be threats and be all for following kate but not the bear or the snakes…

5. It didn't help that I was well aware of how the main character got tricked. I mean, if her guardian believed her and was concerned for her sister why would still keep Kate locked up in her room and offer freedom from the room in exchange for info on goblins?

6. A young woman is coerced into marrying the Goblin King, Lord of the Hollow Kingdom.

7. What I'm trying to get across is that this is another example of a story where a young woman gets virtually everything taken away from her - her passions, her freedom, everything - but (through Stockholm Syndrome or sheer stupidity, I'm not sure) she forgives it all in the name of love and becomes a supremely contented Stepford Wife. 

8. So a girl is kidnapped by the Goblin King, and is trapped in the goblin kingdom. The end. Well, she ends up liking it, doesn't struggle, doesn't really care about what is happening to her. 

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Sorry, that was a lot. I understand that there are many who are just not going to jibe with a book. But I think it’s fair that on the complaints that accuse the book, it can be rebutted.

1(a). Perhaps many of the problems with the book that people expected it to be the perfect mash between Labyrinth and Beauty and the Beast. First of all, Beauty and the Beast is a classic tale, which many accuse of Stockholm Syndrome. It isn’t, by the way, but that’s not why I’m here. Or here.

Neither is the Hollow Kingdom. It seems that many of the reviewers are sure that Kate is forced into marrying the Goblin King. She wasn’t. She actually ends up going to the Goblin King and agreeing to marry him in exchange for the release of her sister. 

But Gav-san, the Goblin King )Marak) misled Kate into thinking they had her.

No, they didn’t. It even points out that had she asked, they would have told her. It’s stated very early on that Goblin do not lie under any circumstance (though are prone to being crafty beasts). 

Kate never is isolated with her captour, or ignore his awful parts and has does not fall in line with his ideas, holding strongly to her own. In fact, it’s her very ideals that lead to her success in the end, and that leads to Marak’s change of ideology. Kate’s own honor often compelled her to make choices that seem frustrating to the (modern) reader (who perhaps forgets this is 1815 England). To demand modern ideologies from the protagonist is awfully stupid and presumptuous.

1(b). This book, in no way shape or form, is an apology for rape and abduction. It’s a large point in this book that is unavoidable. The Goblins and Elves kidnap humans (and the occasional elf) to marry. The King must always marry outside of his race. This inevitably leads to unhappy women and broken families.

It is not seen as a happy, good event, but often a stressful, angry one that leaves tragedy and scars that echo across the generations. It is also a revealing look at humanity and our own atrocities. Much like the goblins and elves, sometimes these things are painted as noble when they weren’t, and thus it makes the societies feel real, having these pitfalls. 

And, as a King whose entire, beloved kingdom is at stake, do you chose to make one person miserable, or condemn the entire lot to a slow death?

It may make us uncomfortable to see the reality of this situation played out in such close-to-the-chest terms. 

Because Kate ends up happy and the victor, even in a situation that was not perfect, should she be condemned? I don’t think she or any women forced into that situation should be denied a healthy joy they find.

Remember, at the end of the book, it’s because of Kate that the Kingdom continues.

2. Kate is intelligent. (How could you miss her relentlessly scheming, most that succeed?!?!) And due to her heritage, she has top-notch instincts (untrained though) she continually outsmarts and outmaneuvers the Goblin King and the meddling human family. I think, had her Uncle not kidnapped Emily, she would have escaped. But her own concern for her sister was more important, and so she made that choice. That’s why she agrees to settle in, and that’s what open’s the door to her falling in love with Marak. She isn’t his prisoner, but his equal, who he learns to respect. Many human relationships could learn that last part better.

3. The Goblin King doesn’t justify himself in any degree. He knows he’s not going to be a desirable, handsome husband to any woman, especially in 1815 (or any time before and long after). If the only way a magical kingdom could continue is the misery of one person outside your race who is treated well, all things considered, then why would a brusque goblin who is not naturally inclined (thanks to his heritage) to get his feelings hurt easily worry? Many of the King’s Wifes never fell in love with their husbands, especially the sensitive elves. 

In the animal kingdom, it’s not as important. Stop projecting modern standards on a fantasy culture. JRR Tolkien's goblins murder, are crass and cruel, but we don’t expect them to be human and learn to be polite. Dunkle’s Goblins are far more genteel and human-like, but they are not humans. 

4. At the end of the book, there is a sorcerer who is a bad man and uses human and animal parts in his spells. If you are sensitive to that, perhaps it’s something to consider, but the book doesn’t go into great detail of these things. And frankly, ‘traditional’ medicine in many parts of the world does the same. 

And why would Kate release animals that would hurt her?

5. Kate’s Guardian was never concern for her. He thought about murdering her and was concocting plans to do so. As it says in the book, society would not be kind to Kate or Emily. This is no surprise. A wealthy young woman in 1815 England? A prime target. 

Kate manages to trick the doctor who the guardian brought (to put her in the insane asylum) and save her sister, though she needed to Goblins help. She was in a bad position! 

6. Why are people so determined to take away Kate’s dignity and choice? Her uncle lied to her, and he was punished for it later, by the Goblin King. She went to the Goblin King and bartered her own freedom. Women make their own choices and feminism is respecting those choices as a man’s would. Her acceptance of the Gobline Kingdom is not proof of her weakness, but a show of her strength. You will face difficult problems you cannot change, and the only decision at that point is how you react.

Just because Sarah didn’t chose the Goblin King doesn’t make her strong. It was what she learned doing it. The point of reading the book is the journey.

7. Or you can see this as a book that takes on the idea of conflicting cultures that are forced upon a woman, and she makes decisions that ensure the important things to her are seen through. A real woman who, much like real women, is put into a difficult situation that is fraught with dangers and missteps, and does a decent job at navigating them without giving up her integrity or beliefs.

Don’t be taken in by easy illusions that meant to be as shallow as they appear. Feel free to message me and we can chat about it more. 

In the end, this is just my opinion. But I don’t think I’m wrong, and I stand by it, which is why I’m writing it, and why I hope to illustrate this magnificent work one day.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[delioncrt]

𝖎 𝖓 𝖙 𝖗 𝖔 .

𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞…  lestat de lioncourt was known as the bold & animated lord with a reputation for being a stuart townsend doppelganger . but now , under the stress of the war on the horizon , the natural born villain original vampire has become widely known for being rather melodramatic & over-indulgent . let’s see how long the villeneuve native will last during this war . after all they’re only forty three / over one thousand years old . + he/him & cis male , the vampire chronicles.

hello hello! my name is ana, i’m 22 and i bring you my dramatic, over-indulgent gay vampire lestat!! i was here before (very shortly) as chiasa, but i was struggling for muse and really wanted to bring in lestat, so i’ve been working on him for a little while now and i’m so excited to finally be able to play him :’)

 i have a plots page up, but it’s a REALLY rough draft right now and i plan on adding more depth/a lot more species related plots but i’m also open to plotting anything really! below the cut, i’m going to paste lestats bio but be warned it is very very VERY longs and i need to update it lmao i’ll also put some little tidbits of info to help you get to know him~ 

lestat is an original vampire, meaning he was changed by spell and not blood transfer

he loves anything theatre related, music related, and he would die for the aesthetic lmao

very over indulgent, he prefers his meals in the form of pretty boyes and the occasional fae sdhfusdj

he’s a lonely bitch who likes to turn others so he can have companions so if you’re ever down to have your character turned *fingerguns*

basically the embodiment of “i’m baby, give me attention”

dsjufsd my brain is dead right now but u get the gift 

i am the vampire lestat.

born the seventh son, the youngest of three to survive into manhood. my mother was a literate noblewoman and my father a blind marquis, though i would be left with no prospects. despite my family’s title, near all our wealth had been used up and my eldest brother augustin was the rightful heir to all that we still possessed. as a boy, my father’s castle, the estate, and the nearby village were my universe. the rest of the world around me was dim and old fashioned. i was born restless, the dreamer, the angry one, the complainer. my father and brothers resented me because i was not like them; i didn’t sit around and reminisce on old wars, i didn’t spend all day at my father’s side playing chess, and history had no meaning to me.

do not be fooled though, i was far from idle or feckless. i was the only lord near the village who could ride a horse and shoot a rifle at the same time; it was my duty to hunt for my family. i brought in the pheasant, the venison, and the trout from the mountain streams on easy days. on harder days, it was packs of wolves that threatened the people in the village. it was a noble occupation, hunting one’s ancestral lands, and i alone had the right to do it. the richest of aristocrats couldn’t lift their guns in my forest, but then again, they didn’t have to. they had money.

it was the winter of my twenty-first year, i went out alone on horseback to kill a pack of wolves. it was the worst winter that i could remember, and i do remember, all too vividly. the snow all over those mountains, the wolves that were frightening the villagers and stealing my sheep. on that cold morning in january, i armed myself with a flintlock rifle, a hunting musket, my father’s sword, and an spikes mace that hung on the wall of our old armory. with my weapons, i set off and rode an hour up into the slopes until i reached a valley and heard the first howling.

i had killed eight wolves that morning. my mastiffs had not survived the attack, and i had to put my mare down as she was suffering from her injuries. i still remember every moment of the battle, the rattling cry she let out as she went down, the wolves that closed in on me and nearly took my life until i drew my father’s sword, and i remember sputtering sickly and falling to my knees at the sight of my dogs.  it took me nearly two hours with a wolf over my shoulder to trek homeward. whatever i had felt when i was fighting those wolves went on in my mind even as i walked, when i stumbled and fell, something in me hardened and became worse.

by the time I reached the castle gates, i think i was not lestat, i was someone else altogether. my brothers did not believe me when i had shared of my story, and the next thing i remember, i was lying in my room. i didn’t have the dogs in bed with me as always in winter because the dogs were dead, and though there was no fire lighted, i climbed, filthy and bloody under the covers and went into a deep sleep. i stayed there for days.

but, you don’t really want to hear the sad ramblings of an old mans human life, do you? of course not, you want to know of how i came to receive the dark gift, don’t you? tut tut, so impatient.

first, you must know that it began around the turn of the 11th century. i was no longer living in villeneuve with my family, my mother had grown ill. she came to me in the night, begging me to take what valuables she had and escape the castle. she told me to pack my belongings and to leave out while the kingdom slept and to run off far away, somewhere where i could be content. unlike my relationship with my father, my mother understood me. she could not bare the idea of dying and leaving her son stuck in a castle he would never call home.

the thought of leaving her behind, knowing those were likely to be my last moments with her left an emptiness in my chest. despite the lonely ache, i followed her orders and left off into the night with what she’d given me, never to return.

in that time, i had gotten involved in the theatre scene. bouncing from kingdom to kingdom, my love for the stage only grew exponentially the longer i spent on it. i had landed a role as leilo, the young lover to a woman named isabella. my presence on stage was animated, i became my character and by the end of it all, they would nearly have to drag me from the stage as the crowd clapped. it had become my life, and for the first time, i was happy.

it was during my time on stage that i’d met my first love, nicolas. he was beautiful, standing about about five foot ten, with long dark hair and warm clear skin you couldn’t help but want to touch. he was a young violinist who had come from villeneuve himself and had introduced himself to me after recognizing my face during a show. he had asked me to tell him the story of how i’d earned the title of wolf killer, and in return, i asked him about his experiences in the kingdoms i’d yet to explore. we drank all night and shared our tales, our secrets, and our thoughts that night, and then we did it again and again near every night after that. he had magic in his fingers when he played his instrument, the rich melodies were the definition of elegance; graceful, serene, and breathtaking. he often played me to sleep at night when i was at my most somber. he was my closest companion.

that only made it so much more difficult to cope when i lost him. he was a lovely man, one i couldn’t have spent the very rest of my life with, and he deserved a peaceful death. he deserved better.

death did not care for fairness, though. it came in like a harsh storm, destroying and taking away what it wanted selfishly. his death was bloody, and gruesome, the kind of death only spoken of in hushed whispers. how ironic it was, the man who’d come to love the wolfkiller, killed by a wolf. that’s what the people in the kingdom had called it, at least. i knew better though, that beast was nothing like the wolves i’d fought all those years ago. this creature was larger, far more feral and hostile. in the light of the full moon, i could see that it had yellow eyes and sharp fangs protruding from its snout. it was stronger than any wolf i’d experienced in my life, like it had the strength of a supernatural being.  

it was the first time in my life that another creature had truly frightened me. it shook me to my very core, and to this day, i only remember the look in its eyes and how it made me run and leave behind the only man i had ever loved.

i mourned for weeks in that forest, weeping and wailing out into the night. i begged and begged for that creature to return, to kill me, until my voice was hoarse and a strained hush. i did not eat, sleep, or move from the forest floor. by the time anyone had found me, all the muscle had gone from my body, my bones protruded from my pale, sickly skin, and my eyes had sunken in so deep that one might assume i was nothing but a skeleton.

i don’t remember much from that night, i only remember the words of the witch who had stumbled upon my body, and the spell that lead me into my newfound immortal life.

“poor little man, frail and broken in the dirt, begging for death. that isn’t what you truly want though, is it? no, you want revenge. you need it. how will you avenge your lover like this? a sad bag of bones, unable to lift his own body, such a depressing sight. i can make you better, lestat. i can gift you power, strength, and everlasting life. tell me, boy, is that what you desire? is that what you need? use your words, tell me yes, and i will give you everything you need to be great.”

yes.

[shadowluver1242]

I finished “The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck”

I read the full 12 chapters, plus the “Companion” section that had bonus stories in between the chapters, and “The Last Sled to Dawson”, “The Dream of a Lifetime”, and “A Letter From Home.” 

This has to be my favorite comic series I’ve read so far. Not just because it’s Scrooge, but there’s so much heart and emotion put into it and you’re able to follow the story so easily (which for me is hard as I get easily distracted and forget where I’m at). But this story kept my attention and made me want to keep going to the next chapter, every night I thought “just one more, just one more!” I absolutely loved the story. If you want a more in depth review chapter by chapter, read below. (SPOILERS) 

Again, thank you so much for who ever first made me find this (I actually can’t remember but it was probably a mix of everyone) as well as the album that made the story SO MUCH BETTER. Listening to the music while reading the chapter associated, really made you feel like you were in the story with the characters. I highly recommend reading this comic while listening to the music if any of you have not already. If anyone needs links or more info, feel free to ask!

This part will be a chapter by chapter review/my thoughts (some chapters might be merged together if they have similar topics).

“Of Ducks, Dimes, and Destinies”: I wasn’t sure what to expect going into this, but apparently this chapter was the intro, though it’s more like a AU of sorts. I thought it was cute though seeing Magica out of her element. My favorite part of it had to be her not recognizing young 10 yr old Scrooge while confusing Fergus for the rich old duck. But in her defense, they do look a lot alike.

“The Last of The Clan McDuck”: Now the story really begins! I wanted to get more history on Scrooge so that was one of the main reasons I wanted to read this series. It was actually a bit of a surprise to see the pampered, penny-pincher a humbled, poor and very sweet boy. Seeing how he turned into almost a completely different person is a bit sad really, but at least we know in his later years some of that sweet, caring side is still present. I admire Scrooge’s bravery in how willingly he left his family and the only life he knew for uncertainty and possibly danger at only 13 years old. He certainly matured very fast and unfortunately that forced his childhood to end at an early age.

“The Master of the Mississippi”: This was probably one of my least favorite chapters if I’m being honest. It was fun seeing a teenage Scrooge adapting in his new life in America and Uncle Pothole was certainly an interesting character! Plus seeing the Beagle Boys’ origins was interesting as well.

“The Buckaroo of the Badlands,” “The Cowboy Captain of the Cutty Sark”, “The Raider of the Copper Hill,” Also “The Vigilante of Pizen Bluff”: So all of these chapters are in the “Wild West” portion of Scrooge’s life; his teenage years and early twenties. Seeing Scrooge already fighting for his fortune and failing at every turn was almost surprising in that he always seems to succeed in life. I was so convinced he’d strike it rich on the Copper Hill, but fate seemed to have other plans for him. However at this point in his life he’s still staying true to his roots and vowing to earn his fortune honestly. (But to be fair he does get $10,000. And back then that’s got to have been like a million dollars now a days.) I’d also wondered how he’d get along with animals, and it turns out he’s a real Disney princess. He gives love and respect to animals and they love him in return.

“The New Laird of Castle McDuck”: NERVE RACKING. Not only do the McDuck’s risk losing the ancestral home to their arch nemesis, but Scrooge DIES. (or just gets knocked out?) Anyway he goes to McDuck heaven where he almost stays before finally getting another chance (for becoming the stingiest person to ever live). He ends up using all the money he got from the Copper Hill to pay for the McDuck Castle. Plus we also see Scrooge use his specs for the very first time, though it’s only for reading.

“The Terror of the Transvaal”:  Ah Flintheart, you were a scumbag before Scrooge came into the picture. Scrooge is a lion whisperer apparently, and he makes fun of Flintheart in front of the entire town before throwing him in jail, making a lifelong enemy.

“The Dreamtime Duck of the Never Never”: I was excited for this one. Love that Australian Outback theme! Scrooge rides on a camel head, which is perfect. I still love seeing how much animals love and trust Scrooge. He’s started to become less trusting of people due to being tricked at every turn, and therefore is a bit skeptical of the shaman in the desert. However seeing the dream, or prophesy of sorts, come true (which was super cool btw), it starts his admiration of history and architecture. Scrooge almost took that giant Opal that could easily have made him rich, but that would have been dishonest, and Scrooge decides against it (a bit begrudgingly). I’m so happy he got his dime back, it was worrying seeing him lose hope that his fortune would never come. He’s worked so hard and to give up now would be devastating. Thankfully he was inspired and his story finally started to look up.

“The King of the Klondike”, “The Prisoner of White Agony Creek”, “Hearts of the Yukon”, “The Last Sled to Dawson”: ...no words. I knew these would be my favorite sections. Yukon Scrooge, upper 20′s - early 30′s - in his prime, Scrooge. The beginning of his fortune. The beginning of Goldie. GOLDIE. Where do I even start?! Whew, this is going to be long. First of all, the whole ordeal Scrooge had to go through just to get to White Agony Creek was ridiculous. Finally he finds where the gold should be, but it’s not quite that easy. Everyone in Dawson mocks him endlessly for not spending any money on fun, which is completely unfair. The absolute worst part is when that mean old pig kidnaps him and chains him to the smokestacks of the boat. (Seriously this boy gets knocked out so much I’m surprised he doesn’t have a brain injury) The men mock him and then read the two only letters he’s ever gotten from his family out loud, one of which is from his mother who says they’re falling behind on payments for the castle, and the next...his father informing him that his mother has passed away. The men even mock him in his mother’s death. And Scrooge...freaking pulls a Sampson and pulls the smokestacks until they collapse onto the boat, throws a grand piano through a stained glass window, beats up any and all the men who dare fight him, and then drags the pig’s listless body through the main road in town for all to see until he can throw him to the mercy of the ‘law’ in the area. Then comes Goldie, he kidnaps her, and brings her back to his home for stealing his goose egg nugget (the biggest gold nugget ever) to show her how hard a miner has to work. They stay together alone in the wilderness for a whole month. My gosh was this chapter full of sexual tension. I’m such a die-hard Scroldie shipper now I can’t even deny it. Eventually the two part their ways, but end up meeting again in the near future when Goldie saves Scrooge from losing his claim (in a roundabout way). Then we get to see Scrooge’s last trip to Dawson before leaving the Yukon and moving on with his fortune. He loses his sled and has to return 50 years later to get it with Donald and the boys. The only thing of importance in the sled was old memories, but it was worth the fight for old Scroogey. This section was definitely the best, but molds Scrooge’s rough and tough attitude. 

“The Billionaire of Dismal Downs”: After more than 20 years, Scrooge is finally coming home to Dismal Downs successful, he’s a billionaire. The whole town has come to greet him and as soon as he shows up, they give him a big round of...tomatoes and insults hurling at him. After all he’s done this is how he’s treated??! His wild temper quickly flares and Fergus is surprised at how his son has changed, as well as the town who thought he was such a nice boy. The town people believe he no longer belongs in Scotland. After a quick visit to his mother’s grave insert sobbing here Scrooge decides to participate in the games to show how much he belongs, he even wears a kilt! Now Scrooge should have dominated this, however he’s completely forgotten the rules, and therefore disqualifies himself almost every time. A young boy named Scottie tries to show him the ropes, however fails miserably. Eventually they return to the castle where his sisters make fun of Scrooge’s lock of golden hair hurr hurr and they all decide to move to Duckburg, America, that is, except Fergus who says he’s too old to move again. The chapter ends with ghost Fergus (who’s passed away in the night) and ghost Downy waving goodbye to their children before joining McDuck heaven. I literally cried in this chapter.

“The Invader of Fort Duckburg”, and “The Sharpie of the Culebra Cut”: Some more important chapters, but not extremely interesting in my opinion. We see the founding of Duckburg and the Junior Woodchucks, as well as the Panama Canal and more of Scrooge suffering from his sisters, who make him wear his specs full time after he repeatedly makes mistakes due to his failing eyesight.

“The Empire-Builder from Calisota”: Sigh. We see the deep fall of Scrooge’s morals. He visits his sisters, whom he hasn’t seen in quite a while, and takes them to Africa where he’s working on his current dealings with the natives. Instead of making fair trades like in the past, he uses cunning tricks to minimize his costs in buying the diamond mines he seeks. His sisters criticize him, but he brushes them off. He moves on to a voo-doo native tribe (his first mistake) who doesn’t want to sell. After being humiliated in front of his kin, he goes into town and recruits several people to help him burn down the village and destroy everything in sight while his sisters return to camp, ashamed of their brother. Scrooge then puts on a disguise and ‘rescues’ the clan leader who previously embarrassed him, and tricks him into signing over his land. This is far from the kind, humble, honest boy we knew in the beginning. He returns back to camp, triumphant, to gloat to his sisters only to find they’ve left him. There’s a lone note remaining saying he’s not the man they used to know and to come back once he changes his ways. Scrooge is initially enraged, feeling betrayed. However as he argues with himself, his father’s voice comes into his head, reminding him how he wanted to make his fortune honestly, and has now just committed his first (and only) dishonest trade. Scrooge realizes what he’s done, and as he tries to run after his sisters, the witch doctor returns and casts a curse on him to have a zombie attack him. However Scrooge is still in disguise, and quickly makes himself look normal, which tricks the zombie. However for the next several years the zombie would haunt him and occasionally show up. In Scrooge’s quest to apologize to his sisters, he makes many sidetracks in making his fortune. The zombie even causes the crash of the Titanic that Scrooge was riding on. (seriously everything is his fault) Finally, after 27 years, he returns to Duckburg to stay. His family has heard he was coming and decided to put aside their differences and be a family once again, even bringing the young Donald and Della. However Scrooge has completely changed, for the worse, and completely ignores his family, eventually chasing them out of his life, for good, but not before the young and feisty Donald can give him a kick in the rear.

“The Richest Duck in the World”: Feels. All feels. We finally see Scrooge as the miserable old man we know him as. Alone and bitter and cut off from everyone. But he becomes too lonely one Christmas and invites Donald and the boys up to the mansion, if only to show them the wealth and future inheritance when he’s gone. It’s as if Scrooge is expecting to die fairly soon, and he’s completely given up on everything. The bin is shut down, he’s not making any money or traveling anymore, he doesn’t leave his house, and he hasn’t even swam in his money in years. He really has just given up. But the boys manage to inspire him, in a way that they literally make him so angry he just can’t take it anymore and eventually returns the swift kick to Donald. Afterwards we see rejuvenated Scrooge - though still elderly, he feels full of life once again. Start DuckTales story... 

“The Dream of a Lifetime”: I just had to read this because of the jumps in Scrooge’s dreams through his lifetime. It was adorable seeing young Scrooge, especially 10yr old Scrooge cussing out his nephew Donald for interrupting his dreams. Then on top of all that it ends with Scrooge finally reaching Goldie on the burning stage (which never happened), and the blushinggg hnnghhh and then freaking Donald sitting there watching the whole thing, just yes.

“A Letter From Home”: I had to read this one simply because I had read that Scrooge and Matilda make up. Boy howdy was this an emotional roller coaster, starting with Scrooge visiting his parents’ grave. Tears. Literal tears. Then Matilda wants nothing to do with him, that surprised me a bit considering how sweet and soft-spoken she was when she was younger. Plus she breaks the news about how Fergus never wanted Scrooge to find the treasure and calls him a bad son. My gosh my heart is aching for Scrooge at this point. The antagonist suddenly pulls a gun on Matilda, and Scrooge jumps in front of her without hesitation. Thank goodness the gun ‘misfires’. That definitely changed things between the two. Finally we get to see the interaction we’ve been waiting for. Scrooge and Matilda finally yell talk things out, and somewhat uncharacteristically, Scrooge cries and pleads for forgiveness. However, Matilda finally gets to hear Scrooge’s side and realizes just what he’s been through as well. They find a letter to Scrooge from Fergus, who actually did want Scrooge to find the treasure, and told him he and his mother were proud of him. It was one of the only letters Scrooge ever received from his parents, and he never, since the day they died, knew they were proud of him. sobs

That was a lot longer than necessary but even if you guys only read the sections you want that works. Thank you again!

[ralphsspiritualstuff]

Water Element Signs and Magic

So, I know that there are plenty of people who study astrology who have no interest in witchcraft or magic (and vice versa), but as astrologers it’s important that we study a wide variety of topics because there is always a little truth to be found in anything. Which brings us to this post about magic.

Now, I do not claim to be a witch nor am I an expert in spellcraft. Astrology just happens to provide insight as to how these things happen.

First of all, to understand magic, we have to acknowledge the two feminine planes earth and water. The reason why magic has such a strong association with the feminine is because masculine qualities such as assertiveness, confidence, understanding in the academic sense (fire signs), sharing info, giving in, and using inventions (air signs) tend to put a damper on magic. The masculine is how we understand and observe reality around us, but the feminine is how we interpret that information.

So what does interpretation have to do with magic?

While the earth shows us how things interact in a physical way, much like the science of physics, and how we want the world around us to function, water shows us how we feel about those things. Water is the reason why two people can look at a piece of art and see two totally different stories, or look at the same situation and feel two different ways about it. This internal world in which water takes place has many names, ranging from the “astral plane” and the “collective consciousness” to simply “our emotions”. Things we move around in this space can easily have real-world effects through the actions they inspire us and others to take.

Each water sign and house has its own brand of magic:

*Note: I use feminine pronouns for feminine signs, any gender can have masculine or feminine placements. Also, these are not Sun Sign interpretations exactly. This may apply to the Sun, but it’s a general theme for each sign and can be applied to any planet.

Cancer and the 4th House: Typically, Cancer’s magic comes from her sense of family identity. Cancer is the driving force behind why magic users group together and do spells from a common community. These bonds are very tight knit and do not open up to strangers. Because of this Cancer often is associated with ancestral magic, where she calls upon the feeling of tradition and the security of knowing her own history. Cancer tends to do magic subconsciously and its magic acts like more of a “cry to the universe” than anything. Cancer gets upset and taps into that inside world to find wisdom and strength (associated with the Moon) to do what needs to be done and to help manifest a path through which it can be done. This type of witchcraft is strongly associated with self-defense magic and other forms of protection because Cancer’s driving force is her clan. Cancers sweetness towards her own tends to come from her uneasiness towards strangers, but she also tends to be very intuitive about whether people are safe to be around or not and can decide who is her own and who is not.

Scorpio and the 8th House: Scorpio’s magic comes from her ability to focus its emotions. Scorpio is the typical “scary” witch because of her ability to remain very intent for long periods of time, often manifesting large things. Scorpio’s subconscious mind is constantly sending signals to the universe to get her desires to her, but like all magic there is a price to pay. This price often is paid for in emotional sacrifice, so Scorpio is very unlikely to cause harm to someone unless she believes it’s worth it to feel their pain or that the amount of pain they’ve caused her is enough to require retribution OR heal them unless she believes they’re “ready” to accept the healing. Most of this happens on a subconscious level that is hidden from view, hence magic’s association with being held in secret. Once something from the subconscious mind enters the masculine conscious mind it becomes more difficult to manifest, hence why Scorpio gets a reputation for always getting what it wants for seemingly no reason.

Pisces and the 12th House: Pisces’ magic comes from her ability to relax and let go. Because she is able to let go of her desires, it creates a Zen space in which she can manifest just about anything. While Pisces tends to have the most extreme manifestations of magic, she’s also the least likely to use it because she doesn’t really feel the need to. Pisces is also the most likely to not know that she has magic because to her, she experiences magic as happiness and it doesn’t really strike her as odd. Her ability to see beauty and repulsiveness in anything (since she can “feel out” the whole thing) makes her an incredible empath and psychic. While she does have cares, when she’s using magic, it’s more about the experience than the outcome for her, so her magic on the outside looks very weak while her own internal world is full of fireworks. Because of Pisces’ desire to experience connectedness in all its forms, she tends to take the form of the Shaman rather than a witch and acts as a guide to help others find what they are looking for by feeling it out with them without judgement.  

[jesseneufeld]

Late To the Healthy Living Game? 10 Essential Tips Making the Transition to Better Health

Many people get to age 60 or so and, if they haven’t lived a healthy, active life up to that point, assume it’s too late for them. After all, things only get harder the older you get. You’ve got aches and pains. Your doc is always reminding you about your weight. Things creak and crack. You look wistfully at the gym you pass by every day, thinking to yourself, “It would never work.”

At least, that’s how most people deal with getting old: they lament their “inability” to do anything about it as oblivion approaches and overtakes them.

Forget all that. While you can’t turn back the chronological clock, you can “de-age” yourself by engaging in the right diet, exercise, and lifestyle modifications. So—how?

Realize That It’s Never Too Late

The scientific literature is rife with examples of older individuals making changes to their lifestyle, diet, and exercise and seeing great results.

How about 68-year-olds still getting gains from strength training?

Older women switching to high-fatty-meat or high-cheese diets and enjoying better heart health.

Verifiable examples (or “anecdotes”) from people online are also available. Like PD Mangan, who went from this to this. That’s not impossible, or even difficult to achieve. What you need is the will and means and know-how—all freely available.

Know that it’s possible. Know that it’s probable. Know that your efforts will not be in vain.

Realize That It’s Your Fault—And Even If It’s Not, It’s Your Responsibility

I don’t care where you fall on the belief spectrum. It could be that “your body is a temple ordained by God and you’d be remiss to let it fall to ruin and in doing so fail your creator.” It could be that “your body was the work of hundreds of generations of ancestors who fought and suffered and scrounged and died to ensure you’d make it and to fail to maintain your health is a huge insult to their sacrifices.” It could be that “your body is the product of millions and billions of years of evolution through natural selection, a chance byproduct of a process that probability says shouldn’t have even happened, and you’re going to waste it?”

However you approach it, what matters is that you have a remarkable body (and mind) that deserves your attention, care, maintenance and nourishment. Only you can do anything about it. Maybe you were fed bad food as a kid and bad info as an adult (this is most people). Doesn’t matter. You still have to own it and take the steps necessary to improve your condition. Responsibility means ability to respond. Claim it.

Eat More Protein

If you’re over 50, you need more protein than you think.

If you’re over 50, your ability to utilize protein isn’t as good as it used to be.

If you’re over 50, you need more protein to do the same job as a person 25 years younger.

If you’re over 65, the supposed negative relationship between meat and mortality the “experts” are always crowing about reverses, magically becoming a positive relationship.

And if one of your issues is trouble losing body fat, more protein will also help you beat back exaggerated hunger and keep food intake low enough to lose weight. Many people in the ancestral community don’t like acknowledging this, but it’s true for a great many people: protein is the most satiating macronutrient.

Moreover, protein will help you lose body fat and retain (and even gain) the all-important lean muscle mass. Losing muscle when you’re over 50 is harder and harder to recover from.

The only catch is that if one of your “aging-related maladies” is kidney failure, you may have to slow things down and keep your protein intake low to moderate. Emphasis on “may.” Check with your doctor if that’s the case.

Get As Insulin Sensitive As You Can

The relationship between insulin signaling and aging is a bit unclear. What we know is that people with higher insulin sensitivity live longer and healthier lives. We know that insulin resistance is strongly linked to most degenerative diseases, like cancer, diabetes, sarcopenia, and osteoporosis (to name only a few). But researchers are always oscillating between “cause” and “effect.” Is insulin resistance a cause or a sign of aging? Are insulin sensitive people healthier into old age because they’re insulin sensitive, or are they insulin sensitive because they’re healthier?

I’m not sure it really matters. Either way, to become more insulin sensitive you have to do a bunch of things that will also make you healthier and age better like lifting weights, quitting overeating, taking more walks, doing more low level aerobic work, and regulating your carb intake.

I’ve always said that you should burn as little glucose as possible. The more you can rely on stored body fat for energy and daily maintenance, the better. Well, the more insulin sensitive you are, the less insulin you’ll have blunting your ability to liberate stored body fat, the more fat you’ll burn and the better you’ll age.

Walk Every Day

One of my favorite predictors of mortality in older people is walking speed: they ask people to walk at their normal speed and then track how fast they go. The slower the walk, the higher their risk of dying earlier. It’s my favorite because it’s so elegant. And no, actively forcing yourself to walk more briskly when you get tested won’t increase your longevity. But if you get up and walk every single day, walking will be second nature. Your walking speed will increase naturally, and it’s the natural increase in walking speed that presages a longer, healthier life.

Walking will also force you to get out and see and experience the world. It’ll lower your fasting blood glucose and postprandial blood glucose (hint: walk after meals). It will introduce novelty to your life and in doing so extend your time horizon.

Eat Tons Of Collagen

Collagen improves skin health, elasticity, and reduces wrinkling. This might sound superficial, but altering those “surface level” signs of aging indicates that you’re also modifying the internal aging markers.

Another reason to up your collagen intake is to balance out the meat you’re eating. As an older person, you’ll need to eat more meat to counter your suboptimal protein utilization. That means you need to process more methionine, which requires more glycine, which comes from collagen.

The easiest way to get collagen and hit a few birds with one stone is to eat lots of collagenous meats—shanks, skin, knuckles, oxtails, ears, snouts, feet, tendons. That way you get your muscle meat protein and collagen protein. Collagen protein powder is another option.

Lift Heavy Things To Build Your Musculoskeletal System

Exercise isn’t just good for your muscles and your heart. It’s also the only reliable way to build and maintain bone mineral density. But in order for exercise to improve bone mineral density, it must satisfy several requirements. It should be dynamic, not static. It needs to challenge you. It needs to challenge your muscles. In other words, you need to lift (relatively) heavy things. You need to progress in weight, intensity, and duration. It should be “relatively brief but intermittent.” No long drawn-out sessions that do nothing but overwork and overtrain you. Keep it short and intense. Also, the exercise should place an unusual loading pattern on the bones. That could be different movements, or increased resistance, as long as you’re introducing something “new” to the body; don’t just do the same old weights forever. Finally, for exercise to improve bone mineral density it must be supported by sufficient nutrition, especially calcium, vitamin D, sufficient protein, and vitamin K2.

Develop Your Balance Yesterday

The number one cause of death and degeneration after age 70 is falling and breaking something. You step out of the shower, slip, and break a hip, then never recover. You step off a curb and fall on your knee, breaking your femur, and never recover. Avoid this at all costs. Improve your balance as soon as possible.

Get a slackline: Keep it low to the ground, have a partner to help, or use something like a walking stick to support you. Focus on simply balancing rather than trying to walk.

Try standup paddling: Not only is it a great workout and a great time, paddling forces you to balance—constantly. And as long as you can swim, falling is totally safe.

Walk on uneven surfaces (carefully): Go for hikes, walk in the sand or in the grass, walk along cobblestone streets, walk on slopes.

Walk along curbs (very carefully).

Wear footwear that is as minimalist as you can handle (or just go barefoot if you’re up for it): The bottom of the foot is loaded with nerve endings that inform you and guide your balance as you make your way through the world. They help you subconsciously make those micro-adjustments to your posture and body position that make up “good balance.” A big clunky rubber sole blocks that out and cuts you off from your body.

Play Every Day

They say that when you stop moving, you start dying. I say when you stop playing, you start dying. We see this in dogs; once a dog no longer wants to play, chase the ball, roughhouse, or do the things he or she used to love doing, they’re on the way out. I firmly believe the same is true for people—just spread out across a longer timeline.

So have fun. Play sports. Try Ultimate Frisbee (my favorite).

Don’t forget about the mental games. Game nights. Crosswords in the morning (that’s what I do). Play cards. Do a weekly poker night with friends and make it a potluck.

What I’m not saying is that doing the crossword will stave off Alzheimer’s or make you smarter. What it will do is send the message to your brain and body that “this person hasn’t given up.” Ideally, your physical play will train your muscles, bones, and balance—that way you can satisfy all those requirements and have fun doing it.

Don’t Do It Alone

If you’re an older person reading this and actually preparing to make the changes necessary to be healthy and vigorous, you are a rare bird. Most of your peers have given up. Most have resigned themselves to being less healthy and less vigorous with every passing day. Don’t let that happen. Enlist a friend, a loved one, a peer. Not only will it give you another person to play, train, and walk with, but it will help you stay the course and enjoy doing it. It will also save another person—or at least give them the best chance they’ve got.

Those are the big tips. There are others, though. And for anyone interested in better health and longevity and more life in the years you have, Keto for Life, offers more information than I could fit here. All the points I covered today and many more are fleshed out and expanded upon twenty-fold.

But if you just focused on these 10 tips, you’d be pretty far along on your way to health (no matter what age you are).

That’s it for today, folks. Take care, drop your own tips down below, and have a great Thanksgiving!

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[lauramalchowblog]

Late To the Healthy Living Game? 10 Essential Tips Making the Transition to Better Health

Many people get to age 60 or so and, if they haven’t lived a healthy, active life up to that point, assume it’s too late for them. After all, things only get harder the older you get. You’ve got aches and pains. Your doc is always reminding you about your weight. Things creak and crack. You look wistfully at the gym you pass by every day, thinking to yourself, “It would never work.”

At least, that’s how most people deal with getting old: they lament their “inability” to do anything about it as oblivion approaches and overtakes them.

Forget all that. While you can’t turn back the chronological clock, you can “de-age” yourself by engaging in the right diet, exercise, and lifestyle modifications. So—how?

Realize That It’s Never Too Late

The scientific literature is rife with examples of older individuals making changes to their lifestyle, diet, and exercise and seeing great results.

How about 68-year-olds still getting gains from strength training?

Older women switching to high-fatty-meat or high-cheese diets and enjoying better heart health.

Verifiable examples (or “anecdotes”) from people online are also available. Like PD Mangan, who went from this to this. That’s not impossible, or even difficult to achieve. What you need is the will and means and know-how—all freely available.

Know that it’s possible. Know that it’s probable. Know that your efforts will not be in vain.

Realize That It’s Your Fault—And Even If It’s Not, It’s Your Responsibility

I don’t care where you fall on the belief spectrum. It could be that “your body is a temple ordained by God and you’d be remiss to let it fall to ruin and in doing so fail your creator.” It could be that “your body was the work of hundreds of generations of ancestors who fought and suffered and scrounged and died to ensure you’d make it and to fail to maintain your health is a huge insult to their sacrifices.” It could be that “your body is the product of millions and billions of years of evolution through natural selection, a chance byproduct of a process that probability says shouldn’t have even happened, and you’re going to waste it?”

However you approach it, what matters is that you have a remarkable body (and mind) that deserves your attention, care, maintenance and nourishment. Only you can do anything about it. Maybe you were fed bad food as a kid and bad info as an adult (this is most people). Doesn’t matter. You still have to own it and take the steps necessary to improve your condition. Responsibility means ability to respond. Claim it.

Eat More Protein

If you’re over 50, you need more protein than you think.

If you’re over 50, your ability to utilize protein isn’t as good as it used to be.

If you’re over 50, you need more protein to do the same job as a person 25 years younger.

If you’re over 65, the supposed negative relationship between meat and mortality the “experts” are always crowing about reverses, magically becoming a positive relationship.

And if one of your issues is trouble losing body fat, more protein will also help you beat back exaggerated hunger and keep food intake low enough to lose weight. Many people in the ancestral community don’t like acknowledging this, but it’s true for a great many people: protein is the most satiating macronutrient.

Moreover, protein will help you lose body fat and retain (and even gain) the all-important lean muscle mass. Losing muscle when you’re over 50 is harder and harder to recover from.

The only catch is that if one of your “aging-related maladies” is kidney failure, you may have to slow things down and keep your protein intake low to moderate. Emphasis on “may.” Check with your doctor if that’s the case.

Get As Insulin Sensitive As You Can

The relationship between insulin signaling and aging is a bit unclear. What we know is that people with higher insulin sensitivity live longer and healthier lives. We know that insulin resistance is strongly linked to most degenerative diseases, like cancer, diabetes, sarcopenia, and osteoporosis (to name only a few). But researchers are always oscillating between “cause” and “effect.” Is insulin resistance a cause or a sign of aging? Are insulin sensitive people healthier into old age because they’re insulin sensitive, or are they insulin sensitive because they’re healthier?

I’m not sure it really matters. Either way, to become more insulin sensitive you have to do a bunch of things that will also make you healthier and age better like lifting weights, quitting overeating, taking more walks, doing more low level aerobic work, and regulating your carb intake.

I’ve always said that you should burn as little glucose as possible. The more you can rely on stored body fat for energy and daily maintenance, the better. Well, the more insulin sensitive you are, the less insulin you’ll have blunting your ability to liberate stored body fat, the more fat you’ll burn and the better you’ll age.

Walk Every Day

One of my favorite predictors of mortality in older people is walking speed: they ask people to walk at their normal speed and then track how fast they go. The slower the walk, the higher their risk of dying earlier. It’s my favorite because it’s so elegant. And no, actively forcing yourself to walk more briskly when you get tested won’t increase your longevity. But if you get up and walk every single day, walking will be second nature. Your walking speed will increase naturally, and it’s the natural increase in walking speed that presages a longer, healthier life.

Walking will also force you to get out and see and experience the world. It’ll lower your fasting blood glucose and postprandial blood glucose (hint: walk after meals). It will introduce novelty to your life and in doing so extend your time horizon.

Eat Tons Of Collagen

Collagen improves skin health, elasticity, and reduces wrinkling. This might sound superficial, but altering those “surface level” signs of aging indicates that you’re also modifying the internal aging markers.

Another reason to up your collagen intake is to balance out the meat you’re eating. As an older person, you’ll need to eat more meat to counter your suboptimal protein utilization. That means you need to process more methionine, which requires more glycine, which comes from collagen.

The easiest way to get collagen and hit a few birds with one stone is to eat lots of collagenous meats—shanks, skin, knuckles, oxtails, ears, snouts, feet, tendons. That way you get your muscle meat protein and collagen protein. Collagen protein powder is another option.

Lift Heavy Things To Build Your Musculoskeletal System

Exercise isn’t just good for your muscles and your heart. It’s also the only reliable way to build and maintain bone mineral density. But in order for exercise to improve bone mineral density, it must satisfy several requirements. It should be dynamic, not static. It needs to challenge you. It needs to challenge your muscles. In other words, you need to lift (relatively) heavy things. You need to progress in weight, intensity, and duration. It should be “relatively brief but intermittent.” No long drawn-out sessions that do nothing but overwork and overtrain you. Keep it short and intense. Also, the exercise should place an unusual loading pattern on the bones. That could be different movements, or increased resistance, as long as you’re introducing something “new” to the body; don’t just do the same old weights forever. Finally, for exercise to improve bone mineral density it must be supported by sufficient nutrition, especially calcium, vitamin D, sufficient protein, and vitamin K2.

Develop Your Balance Yesterday

The number one cause of death and degeneration after age 70 is falling and breaking something. You step out of the shower, slip, and break a hip, then never recover. You step off a curb and fall on your knee, breaking your femur, and never recover. Avoid this at all costs. Improve your balance as soon as possible.

Get a slackline: Keep it low to the ground, have a partner to help, or use something like a walking stick to support you. Focus on simply balancing rather than trying to walk.

Try standup paddling: Not only is it a great workout and a great time, paddling forces you to balance—constantly. And as long as you can swim, falling is totally safe.

Walk on uneven surfaces (carefully): Go for hikes, walk in the sand or in the grass, walk along cobblestone streets, walk on slopes.

Walk along curbs (very carefully).

Wear footwear that is as minimalist as you can handle (or just go barefoot if you’re up for it): The bottom of the foot is loaded with nerve endings that inform you and guide your balance as you make your way through the world. They help you subconsciously make those micro-adjustments to your posture and body position that make up “good balance.” A big clunky rubber sole blocks that out and cuts you off from your body.

Play Every Day

They say that when you stop moving, you start dying. I say when you stop playing, you start dying. We see this in dogs; once a dog no longer wants to play, chase the ball, roughhouse, or do the things he or she used to love doing, they’re on the way out. I firmly believe the same is true for people—just spread out across a longer timeline.

So have fun. Play sports. Try Ultimate Frisbee (my favorite).

Don’t forget about the mental games. Game nights. Crosswords in the morning (that’s what I do). Play cards. Do a weekly poker night with friends and make it a potluck.

What I’m not saying is that doing the crossword will stave off Alzheimer’s or make you smarter. What it will do is send the message to your brain and body that “this person hasn’t given up.” Ideally, your physical play will train your muscles, bones, and balance—that way you can satisfy all those requirements and have fun doing it.

Don’t Do It Alone

If you’re an older person reading this and actually preparing to make the changes necessary to be healthy and vigorous, you are a rare bird. Most of your peers have given up. Most have resigned themselves to being less healthy and less vigorous with every passing day. Don’t let that happen. Enlist a friend, a loved one, a peer. Not only will it give you another person to play, train, and walk with, but it will help you stay the course and enjoy doing it. It will also save another person—or at least give them the best chance they’ve got.

Those are the big tips. There are others, though. And for anyone interested in better health and longevity and more life in the years you have, Keto for Life, offers more information than I could fit here. All the points I covered today and many more are fleshed out and expanded upon twenty-fold.

But if you just focused on these 10 tips, you’d be pretty far along on your way to health (no matter what age you are).

That’s it for today, folks. Take care, drop your own tips down below, and have a great Thanksgiving!

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[reginasrandomthoughts]

The Bloody Chamber (short story) rambling analysis

TBH, I am posting it only bc I said I would. But boy, it is long. I am totally sure that I changed tone and style at least twice and that I left out some words here and there (I am not reading through all 8300 words at 2am. or ever) And this wasn’t even a school essay... it was meant to be fun.... *cries in the corner*

Enter at your own risk! Also, this is exactly as it was in my goodreads progress update feed bc I wrote it there, bc... I thought it would be shorter?

Oh, boy, where do I start the ramble fest so I would get some use out of it pre-exam? (yes, this is purely for me, and if a poor soul who is not me by accident reads it, please forgive me for not taking you into consideration) That being the preface, let me start.

First thing first, this is obviously a fairytale reimagining, and of the fairy tale Bluebeard. Love that one and loved how it even name dropped it on

pretty much the last page of the story. That was both a polite and bold move and I respect it. The fact that this text is based on that is very obvious and i would go as far as to say that The Bloody Chamber depends on the reader to know the story of Bluebeard before reading it, as, as the story says "Anticipation is the greater part of pleasure," (p15) and this way we can anticipate what is going to come and we understand the context of the story, where it is different, a bit more. It also gives the story a great deal of liberty as now it can gloss over some portions, such as the girl trying the many keys first, her taking her time exploring the castle and trying to behave and her falling for the other guy. These are elements that can be left out or done with shortly because we already know the story, know what is coming and thus do not need it and leaving them out can make the story shorter and keep the flow intact. I truly think that any longer than this, any more details than this and the story would probably have collapsed a bit. This is not the fairy tale style that you can tell near a fire, it banks on building up tension and anticipation so much that it needed to get to the climax quickly or else the tension would have broken on its own and would have killed the story.

Now, I have cited the flow of the story, and so let us talk about it. But first, let me drop it in: retelling Blue Beard as the erotic horror story that it always had the potential of being is amazing. A+ idea, 10/10 would reread again.

Now as for the technical part of the story, I truly admire how tightly crafted it is, the interconnectedness of it, where there are no truly wasted words as the similar words and expressions come back so often that they can just build up this truly sensuous image. There are words like voluptuous and sinuous and so many words that as a result of them appearing frequently and through the explicit evocation of sexual desire just make you think of sex. It fills it with sexual tension on one side.

But on the other side there are the words and images that hint at a darker nature. The husband is many times connected to animal brutality, and just brutality in general, and in two ways.

On one side there are several times when the imagery of food is evoked in connection with her, she is treated as some kind of delicacy that just might be eaten up, a pound of flesh brought on the market, or as in the end it is revealed, a fine game hunted and trapped.

On the other side the brutality comes from the history of the husband (fuck spelling the rank, but for the record, he is a Marquis). first of all, we he is connected through a gift to Catherine to Medici, a (by reputation, do not know much about her) ruthless woman, who has given the family quite a while ago a ring, made of fine gold and an opal the size of a pigeon’s egg (p9). dunno if has anything to do with it but found some info that says the opal is also connected to seeing a change of colour (which might reference how post marriage she will see his true colours) and in the short story it is explicitly stated that opal is a bringer of bad luck (p9). So we can see that the marriage is doomed from the beginning and through the connection to the brutal queen, the long line of dead women we almost didn't even need the reminder of the Marquis's own line of dead wives who wore and "returned" the ring to him to see how this will end badly.

Another piece of ancestral jewelry that is a gift from him is a choker with rubies in it, it is described as an "extraordinarily precious slit throat". And is explained in the next paragraph to be a remain of the trend by French nobility to wear chokers as a reminder of the mass beheadings (p11) and this is something that she must wear during sex as well, as a matter of fact he especially makes her put it on for it. (p17) Now this is a combined foreshadowing. On one hand, it tells us how he wants to kill her: chop of her head the same way St. Cecilia's was (the portrait of whom, another musician, is put up in her piano room. But on the other hand the choker is a symbol of escaping the blade, which us explicitly pointed out as well.

Another brutal element from the past is his seeming nostalgia that back in the times he could have hang, like a flag, their bloody bed sheets to prove her virginity to everyone. (p19)

on p33 it is also revealed that the castle is called the Castle of Murder by the locals and there are stories about the brutality of its former owners, esp. a story about how one of them literally hunted women in the woods like foxes.

But this bit is revealed very late in the game, after the chamber and everything else. Still even without it he has a very creepy vibe to him. She feels it too, she describes him as oppressive and at a part she likens the place to like a huge cage and notes how the tides will cut her off from the world. Another part to note is the terms in which their "love-making" is described.

Their room is the ancestral room, many have lain in it before, including, most likely, his previous wives. For her specifically, a row of mirrors that multiply her are added and when they have sex it is described from the perspective of someone looking at these mirrors: " a dozen husbands impaled a dozen brides". (p17) 'impaled' is a word that connects both to the erotic and murderous components. (Switching over to phone, will probably have more mistakes bc my phone is a little bitch. ) we also get to see what it is like to have sex with him. "As if he had been fighting with [her]" (p18) he "shrieked" and cursed when he orgasmed, his "deathly [or perhaps deadly] composure" shattered. When he was done he was like a felled oak (p17-18). None of these are peaceful or loving images but they are connected to those.

After they are done we can see phrases such as "my husband, who, with so much love, filled my bedroom..." , "reminiscent of papered flesh" "stroked" "caressed" "with tenderness" and he comforts her with murmuring "[she had] never heard before, a voice like the soft consolation of the sea" (p18). He apologizes for hurting her. But the brutality seeps into it as well: the word "embalming" is potent with what is yet to be revealed in the chamber and so does incense. Beyond that she has bled in the process of love making, afterwards the necklace still bites into her neck and her husband says that he couldn't help hurting her. How odd it is to say that but it will tie into a rather odd theme of the story. After this of course, he has to break the idyllic honeymoon by leaving and he also insults her by both diminishing the honeymoon's importance and by saying that he has bought her with "a handful of colored stones and pelts of dead beasts". This again brings in the element of death and foreshadows the moment he will call her whore.

Another element that enters here is the element of ownership. He is ire she won't run bc he owns her (though such allusions were made previously as well).

Circling back a bit to the sex scene and its violence.

The act is violent and is followed by something more tender yea, but what is even more important is that she believes that it might have given her a glimpse into who he truly is without his masks. This is going to be a motivating desire for her just a bit later, to know who he truly is and the placement of this idea connect his real self to all of the following: pain, violence, sensual pleasure, comfort, death, corruption. Yes corruption. I guess it is time we talk about the lilies. (Or more accurately I ramble on about them). P15: "The lilies I always associate with him; that are white. And stain you". This, next to her innocence what comes up the most. She might have been an innocent but he claims that her white face promises a "debauchery only a connoisseur can detect". This makes her his potential equal, his pair as he (Prev quote from p20) is described in terms as "satyr" (p19) , "lecher" (p15). He is a perverse who collects books with phonographic images in them (p17), has painting of erotic nature ( p20) and poses her into a very pornographic situation and makes comments on her like that on several occasions (p15, p11, p19). She is aware of the nature of these situations at each occasion and she is not immune to them and their effect. She responds to his desire as early on as p11: " for the first time in my innocent and confined life, I sensed in myself a potentiality for corruption". She is also the one who recognizes how pornographic her undressing is on p15, she does want to read a yellow covered book and is enchanted by the pornographic images in his book (p16 and p17) and after they have sex a "queasy craving" awakens in her. She has "dark newborn curiosity" she "longs for him" at the same time she is "disgusted by him" , which can suggest that she is resisting the corruption (p22). Nevertheless she lusts for him and at this point the question of ownership comes in again. She accuses him that he left ther to suffer in her inability to fulfill her newfound desires to "show his mastery" over her (p22). Which brings in the idea of sexual domination.

And I think we arrived to the point where we must enter, or at least approach the bloody chamber.

First of all, let me tell you straight out of the gate that I am not quite sure what the bloody chamber is representation vise. Story vise, it is a trap. Now, where does this enter into the story: they had some good sex, he received the call, announces his upcoming departure, they eat dinner, and then they go to the library (coincidentally, where she found the lewd book).

This means that she already got a taste of what pleasures the flesh can offer (I am really trying to not be vulgar hear), she thought that she got a glimpse of the true him, and she knows that in theory she will be lonely and on her own, as the mistress of the house, for the next 6 weeks. at least (p18).

And into this he drops the bomb of the key chain.

"Then, slowly yet teasingly, as if he were giving a child a great mysterious treat, he took out a bunch of keys from some interior hidey-hole in his jacket" p19.

This is a decent place to start untangling this whole mess (btw, @me: yes, i switched back to desktop, much easier). He is teasing her, trying to arouse her curiosity. It is sort of offered as a reward, perhaps for her doing well previously (yes, I do mean in the bedroom). The keys are mysterious not only bc she doesn't know what they open, but also bc she doesn't know the true reason of why she is getting them. The keys also represent him and his wealth. There are keys to trivial areas like the kitchen but also to the picture gallery with priceless paintings.

And here taking a break from the quote analyses I bring me the disturbing stuff: daddy issues and incest:

So it is not surprising that the Marquis, who collects lewd images tells his young wife about them. But there is one image that stands out even though it is glossed over: "a pair of very special Fragonards, commissioned for a licentious [promiscuous] ancestor, who it was said, had posed for the master's brush himself with his own two daughters...." (p20)

Knowing what kind of paintings he likes, and what kind of titles these invented (yes I tried looking them up, source says invented) paintings have "Sacrificial Victim", "The Foolish Virgins" "Out of the night we come, into the night we go", we can safely assume that those, as well as this specific painting are... explicit. Which means that one of his ancestors had erotically charged paintings made of himself with his daughters. And our present Marquis left them on the wall and is not ashamed to talk about them. As a matter of fact, talking about them triggers him to tell her how her face has a promise of debauchery. He assigns a daughterly role to her AS WELL AS that of a wife. He calls her child" on many an occasion even when he is talking to her RIGHT AFTER they had sex ("My dear one, my little love, my child, did it hurt her") and before that as well "Have the nasty pictures scared Baby?" (p18 and p17). He even talks to her in 3rd person like you would to a young child. Disturbing. Well at least she is canonically seventeen.

He is also much older than she is and she is also a girl who lost her father so she has no male authority figure in her life. I really don't want to spell out what this adds up to, but it certainly adds a whole new dimension to the conclusion.

Now back to the quote. He goes on to explain how much he has a king's ransom worth of fine China from this brand, a queen's ransom's worth of China from the other brand (p20), (yes he keeps those locked up) he has keys to safes that have enough jewelry in them that she can change her necklaces and earrings three times a day and he has share certificates that are worth even more.(p21)

She can have at them all.

He purposefully leaves one key unaccounted for. and she asks if that is the key to his heart (p21) and demands it away from him. He "dangled the key tantalizingly above [her] head, out of the reach of [her] straining fingers" and he answers that it is not a key to his heart but to his "enfer". This word triggered my mostly forgotten French, it means hell.

Be back to that in a moments. Than he goes on to say these: "Every man must have one secret, even if only one, from his wife" "promise me you'll use all the keys on the ring except for that last little one" "make toy boats out of my share certificates, if it pleases you" "promise me, if you love me, to leave it well alone" "there I can go... to savour the rare pleasure of imagining myself wifeless" (p21). With these words he placed the highest possible value on this room, above the worth of the certificates that are worth millions. This is something money cannot buy. But this is also the ultimate, hands off, don't touch me, ever. She caught only a small glimpse of his true self and now she wants all of him, his heart, she wants to know who he is, and he especially set that place up as his own private place where he can be himself. He says that the room is at the end of "a dark little corridor full of horrid cobwebs that would get into your hair and frighten you if you ventured there". She warns her specifically: it is a dark place where the past dwells, and my past would frighten you, because there I go specifically to imagine what it would be like if I had no wife. It is a warning that she cannot understand especially because of her innocence: that is a room where "husband" and "wife" cannot coexist. There is no place in it for the both of them. She shows that she doesn't get the warning by replacing the keyword "wifeless" with "bachelor" later (p26).

This room is a dangerous place, where his most private and sinful desires live but he is trying to contain them. He calls it his hell which means that he suffers from it as well.

The problem is that this "one secret" is his true self, the core of his being that she desires to know. He is willing to offer her all the material wealth and is willing to settle for these odd substitutes for his fantasies (the choker and St. Cecilia instead of the beheading) so long as she can leave him in his solitary existence. Now. This is the text. What is the subtext?

Sexual desire. She caught a glimpse of who he is during sex, as a result she wants to see more of it, she wants to have all of him, pretty much the first thing she misses about him is his touch, the room itself is about his sexual desires... and in the middle of his whole explanation of what he has we get this sentence: "in my innocence, he sensed a rare talent for corruption. Combined with everything that came before it this has to refer to her feelings.

Now is as good as any to have the topic of sexual dominance re-enter into this discussion: it’s a matter of control. By entering into the chamber she is disobeying him, challenging his authority, his dominance and that is why she has to be punished. The story explicitly says via Jean- Yves that " you disobeyed him... that is sufficient reason for him to punish you". But the issue is also more complicated.

So now we are finally at the point where she has the keys. She meets with this new guy. He is blind. He cannot see her beauty that tempted the Marquis. he is shy. In this sexually charged world he is the new innocent one but one that does not seem to feel sexual desire himself. He is the safe option (more on that later).

Now let’s get to where she switches on all the lights. She creates artificial daylight, light that can reveal all the secrets her husband is hiding (btw I forgot to note that the bunch of keys came from a hiding place as well? that is a whole lot of hiding: the keys are hidden, he at first tries to hide the last key by ignoring it, the room is hidden though he reveals it too, later the drawer has a hidden compartment as well. he is hiding himself well, yet he wants to be seen, hence the reveals. )

Once there is light she is not afraid to explore and she goes for the study, after she proved that she is not a greedy mistress who will order everyone around and ask for whatever. Even the jewels she puts away bc "[she] would not find his heart amongst the glittering stones". (p25) she searches his drawers and even notes that he must have a lot to hide if he is doing it so thoroughly. She also finds some papers that hint at criminal activity and she even ponders if the crime alone is his reward. She gets so close to figuring him out, to sensing the danger but she is still impressed by "his zeal for secrecy". (p25) and then the hidden drawer pops up with the single folder marked as personal. "I had the brief notion that his heart... lay in this file. It was a very thin one". (p26) she is still looking for his heart, for him.

Now what does she find in that file? Trophies or keepsakes from the previous wives. (hard to tell the difference in this situation) Love notes to be exact.

The first she pulls is a napkin from the La Couple, a restaurant, on the Boulevard du Montparnasse, which is not in Montmartre, where the Her worked as a barmaid in a café (p10), but close enough. I will take it. The note says " My darling, I cannot wait for the moment when you may make me yours completely". This is important bc it is in part submissive, it is offering full control to him and him alone, but as another poem or work I have read said it "you cannot belong to me fully until even a piece of you belongs to someone else" so having her fully to him would mean severing all of her other ties, which means killing her. She can only be truly his, and his alone until she is alive. This note makes it sound like her murder was to a degree a shared desire, they both wanted to unite in that violent way.

Second note is from the singer and it has the single world Until scrawled across a score of Liebestod from Tristan. Liebestod means "love death" the erotic death of two lovers, the consummation of that love in or after death. Which also means something like "yeah, I totally wanna be in your erotic murder fantasy". or something similar. I am mildly sure that all the other women kinda knew what they were signing up for. The lat one is from the Romanian countess, it is a postcard of a graveyard where a grave is being dug. The note this time around says "On the occasion of this marriage to the descendent of Dracula - always remember, "the supreme and unique pleasure of love is the certainty that one is doing evil." Toutes amitiés, C.”

Blatant. These women have to have known what was going to happen. They all are making references to it. This note even reassures him that in love one has to do evil. Carmilla, the countess calls herself a descendant of Dracula and that is accurate due to intertextuality: she is Romanian, from Transylvania to be precise, just like Dracula. She is a countess, the female pair of the count, which was Dracula's title. Her name is Carmilla as in the novel Carmilla about a female vampire, but one that also came before Dracula, but this Carmilla lives after Dracula. Confusing? Well, I don't know how hard I was intended to think about this, but it feels like there is this monstrous woman (a vampire) who in a way gave life to his male counterpart and received new life (relevancy) through him. I am not saying f-ed up incest, but I am. It's complicated. Kinda like a self-birthing metaphor if I read really hard into it. The point that I am obviously supposed to get though is that she is a vampire, something that was a symbol??/metaphor??/way to discuss sexual repression. And a vampires sexuality is always predatory and connected to violence. Carmilla and the Marquis might just have been two monsters finding each other.

(p26, all of that). Back to our little lady: she does not understand these "grown up games" but she feels like "these were clues to his self that showed me, at least, how much he was loved, even if they did not show a good reason for it". (p26) She doesn't see the reason, bc she does not understand the game, that these people found death to be some kind of dark, erotic pleasure, an ultimate expression of love and ownership.

So since she does not really get it, but only knows that this is a part of her husband she decides to go and find him. To quote (long quote) "Perhaps I half-imagined, then, that I might find his real self in his den, waiting there to see if indeed I had obeyed him; that he had sent a moving figure of himself to New York, the enigmatic, self-sustaining carapace of his public person, while the real man, whose face I had glimpsed in the storm of orgasm, occupied himself with pressing private business in the study at the foot of the west tower, behind the still-room. " (p26) There is it again sex and the true face, and also an issue I have not mentioned and will not discuss yet: doubling.

Anyway, she goes to the chamber. He called it his hell and suitably, it is underground, and the soothing sound of the sea does not reach it.

Before she enters there are some pretty neat similes: "the key slid into the new lock as easily as a hot knife into butter." (p27)

And now I got to one of the fun parts where I can start to throw in a theory: I already mentioned recently, that these women probably knew what they were getting into (further evidence is that the opera singer had a smile on her dead lips). I also already mentioned that the Marquis made this place sound like older than it was: cobwebs and all, like it was a part of his past. Like it is the past (not the present or her future). I also mentioned that he is trying to contain his murderous desires. He was suggesting that when the impulse comes to him he will lock himself away from her, far away from her. And here is another piece: the lock is new. I wonder was it made recently? in preparation for her? It was her innocence that attracted him. Maybe he did not want to devour her, and we will see further support for it a bit later on.

Anyway, we get another soft mention of how her innocence is already tainted (this is important bc she is quickly loosing to his desires (and to her own that were triggered by his, so really to his desires) the quality that attracted him to her, a.k.a. what was keeping her safe.

Also important to note before we enter is that she thinks that she "might find a little of his soul" inside. (p26)

Now after this there is a soft break, a single empty line before we enter and the entrance starts with a quote from the Marquis's favourite poet: "There is a striking resemblance between the act of love and the ministration of torture" (p26). this harkens back to Carmilla's note about the pleasure of love being doing evil. Weird thing is, that she says that she learned something of that sort in their wedding bed as well. Does she mean that the evil was hurting her (painfully taking her virginity) but it came with certain pleasures? Maybe.

Now the room is dark. Electricity does not reach it. Her man-made daylight doesn't reach it so she has to light and relight candles, even the ones around the dead body of the opera singer. So she explores. At first she believes that the torture devices are there for contemplation and that it is a "little museum of his perversity" (p28), which is yet again an explicit link between sex and violence. Then she sees the catafalque.

Now a catafalque, especially one of Renaissance workmanship is something, expensive and precious. It shows care. There is incense burning, there are candles, there are flowers. Care was taken with this place and it especially shows in the fact that he embalmed her. Then she sees the skull of the barmaid turned model. Then she opens the Iron Maiden to find the Countess. (who died only 3 months prior.

Now let's take a look at how these women were killed: The opera singer, the performer was strangled by hand (in my opinion a rather intimate but not too sexual way to kill someone, or at the very least Criminal Minds never told me that if someone strangles someone than it is a replacement for penetration (that is stabbing or so I've been told). She is covered with a thin sheet "such as the princes of Italy used to shroud those whom they had poisoned", which can here mean that he tainted, poisoned her with his desires. She is also given flowers, just like divas are after a good performance. Coincidentally (not) those are the same kind of lilies that her room was full of when she arrived.

The skull is crowned with white roses and has a bridal veil and is hung into the air, hung like it is on an invisible wall, like an art piece, bc the woman whose skull it is was a model. Care was taken again to make it personal, to fit the death to the one receiving it.

This brings us to Carmilla, the vampire. She is in the Iron Maiden, a coffin, like the ones vampires sleep in. When the little lady is looking for her body she notes this: "Then, for some reason - perhaps some change in the atmosphere wrought by my presence - the metal shell of the Iron maiden emitted a ghostly twang; my feverish imagination might have guessed its occupant was trying to clamber out" (p29).

This further builds into the vampire motive by implying that she is undead. But of course she isn't. She has been impaled by the spikes of the Iron Maiden. She is impaled. This is a nice throw back to how she described her lovemaking with the Marquis, and how vampires are impaled (Dracula was) and how many say Dracula's real life inspiration was Vlad the Impaler. And just to keep playing with the vampire theme there is also a lot of blood.

As a matter of fact, there is a truly unreal amount of blood. She drops the key into "her forming pool of blood" (p29) she instantly notes that she looks so newly dead and so full of blood. But how the hell would this happen? I am going on a bit of a tangent here.

HOW THE HELL IS THERE BLOOD!? I understand the needs of the atmosphere and it is bloody brilliant and I will talk about it but first let me get this portion cleared. The Marquis was supposed to have been widowed 3 months ago (p10). Now at this page it also says that it was a boating accident and the body was never found. So either of two things happened: a) he killed her two months ago, stuffed her into the Iron Maiden, which impaled her and she died. Three months. Blood should have coagulated by the time of this incident. I did a quick search and it said that that should happen around 10 hours after death? And I can understand that the pull of gravity pulls the blood down and it flows out through the wounds on her legs (I looked up if it could work) but here is the thing. It should have flown out into the Iron Maiden and dried there.

Another possibility is that she died recently. That he stuffed her into this thing somewhere offscreen after they arrived back. BUT ten hours probably passed between point in time and his departure as well so same thing here (when he leaves there is a "little thin starlight in the courtyard" (p21) and now it is dinner time again bc she dismissed the servants for the night (p25). There is no logical reason why that corpse should or could bleed. Tangent over.

But of course, this ties into the vampire theme and so I will take it.

So, how does our little lady react to this all? With notions like she is "the next in the fated sisterhood of his wives" and she feels "pity for his other victims and also a dreadful anguish to know that [she] too was one of them". She counts herself amongst their ranks, has no illusions about escaping.

Now we have to note here that she dropped the key into the unlikely, undead blood of Carmilla. It is magic blood.

No, I am not even joking. Carmilla's blood is magic, because it shouldn't be flowing by then but also because you cannot get rid of it. When she realizes a bit later that her husband is coming back she tries to wash off the blood "but as if the key itself were hurt, the bloody token stuck"(p33). She can't wash it off.

Then later on when she is forced to retrieve it and show it to him she notes that the blood "had resolved itself into a mark of the shape and brilliance of the heart on a playing card. "(p36). This is the same blood that was not liquid enough to be washed off. But this is also the same magic blood that at the light touch to her forehead "had transferred itself" to it (p36) (the heart shaped mark) and that later on, even when he is already dead can be covered by "no paint nor powder, no matter how thick or white" (p41). The undead Carmilla, her predecessor, her newfound sister have marked her as a sinner, as the next in line to die and join them. With magic blood.

Anyway she goes back upstairs and tries to think of a plan (after she draws our attention to the portrait of St. Cecilia and wonders how she died bc she too already knows that she will share her fate.

She tries to think of a plan, but she thinks the servants might be in cahoots with the Marquis, prevent her escape or just plain old pretend that they don't know what she's talking about is she goes to them for help. She tries the phone, but the line went dead (yet not long ago she managed to get a call to her Mum in Paris during which she cried and this will be important bc of Deus ex Mama).

She still has the hope that her husband might truly have gone to New York, but in a moment of foreshadowing fake-out when she is playing her piano she hears the drop of a stick and thinks it is him in front of her door. It is not. It is the piano tuner brought in just today, just for her, safe and shy Jean-Yves who is very sympathetic to her plight. He also has a creepy crush on her bc of her piano skills. He was eavesdropping in front of the door. He also brought back to her the keys she dropped at her husband’s office, which is a nice gesture of giving her back some semblance of control.

So the theory here, my theory, is that Jean-Yves is an innocent who due to his blindness is impervious to the lady's charm and face that promises debauchery, he hears only her music that is tying her to St. Cecilia. Through his adoration and puppy dog love she gets absolved of her sins and that is why he is later on "her lover (p38 and p39) and why the Marquis thinks they are besotted and why they end up staying together. She on p41 notes that she is happy he cannot see her mark bc it "spares [her] shame". These are literally the ending words of the story yet I cannot make much of them. Spare her from having to be ashamed of being marked by an evil supernatural entity? Her shame of being in a past relationship? Her shame of her own sexual desires? (more on that later)

If Carmilla was a supernatural being then we can interpret Jean-Yves as one as well. He is the good guy, who ties the lady to the heavens through giving her back "her own particular magic" (p31) her piano music, bc he was the one who tuned it to perfection, He also has supernaturally good hearing and he could hear the change of the tides and the coming of her mother from one hell of a distance. He is an "angel". And as such he is chaste, there are no hints of sexual desire tying them together, which can bring this story out to have a very odd message I might not care for much.

It is also odd that while Jean-Yves is there to give her comfort he does not act. He listens to her, warns her of both the good and the bad, accompanies her to the courtyard but he cannot even open the gate on his own. She has to help with that. It's a but like he is not even tangibly, physically there.

But back to the juice part, the Marquis arrives home. He gives her a story of why he is home early that she does not believe. "I had been tricked into my own betrayal to that illimitable darkness whose source I had been compelled to seek in his absence and, now that I had met that shadowed reality of his that comes to life only in the presence of its own atrocities, I must pay the price of my new knowledge". (p34) She likens it to Pandora's box that she was always meant to open. Now remember that back a hella long time ago I said we were going to talk about doubling? We are talking about doubling.

With the little lady we are talking about mirrors. There are two selves: the innocent, naive self that is in the physical world and there is the more sensuous sinner, the version of herself that the Marquis sees, that she always sees only in the mirror. P11: she catches the first glimpse of what he sees when he looks at her in a mirror. The bedroom is full of mirrors (p14) she catches a glimpse of how they look when she is almost completely naked in a mirror (p15), their lovemaking is described from the perspective of someone looking into the mirrors as well (p17) and when she is preparing to meet him for her execution she, combing her hair she is again, looking into the mirror (p37). Now with her, this is interesting bc of two reasons: one she likens her mark to the mark of Cain (p36). The mark of Cain, as far as my vague knowledge of the Bible and 5 seconds of googling tells me, is the result of Cain's murdering of his sibling, Abel.

But who did she kill? I my opinion this is a reference that she merged with her reflection and became that sinful woman. She killed her innocent self, her "mirror sister" if you'd like. This idea is supported by her circumstances as well. The Marquis is the one that gives her the mark, and he is placed in the position of God, even as early as in the chamber: "as if to tell me the eye of God - his eye - was upon me (p29). His voice when he speaks before he gives her the mark sounds like "great cathedral organs that seem, when they are played, to be conversing with God" (p36) and she has to kneel before him. But likening her mark to the mark of Cain is also interesting bc the mark is supposed to protect Cain from a premature death. That protection was given to Cain by God and if this mark follows the analogy, then the Marquis gave her a similar mark that would protect her. This explains a lot: how she could get away with the loitering, how he took her time with the execution with kissing her nape and all that (39), how he froze up just long enough that her mother, who arrived just in time, mind you, could shoot him before he can do her harm. If this is, in its function Cain's mark then it did its job and the Marquis gave it to her, which I will gladly use in my reluctant killer argument.

Also, if the mark she is wearing is a mark of Cain then it makes sense that it does not come off and that she does not wish for the "angelic" Jean-Yves to see it.

Now, let's talk about doubling with the Marquis. With him it is more the personality. His projected and true selves. P18: she catches a glimpse of his true self while he orgasms. (he too gets doubled in the mirrors but it is alongside of her so it is not counted here) p21: with the key to your heart line his heart is separated off of the rest of his being, same happens with the file (p26) and his soul (p27). P26, she physically separates in her mind the public and the private by saying that he sent the public to New York and the private is in the chamber and again on p34 by saying that there is a self of his that comes alive only at certain times, when he encounters other beings like himself. There can be some duality sensed in how he plays both the role of the Devil, the tempter and God, who ultimately saves her. This duality is reflected in his attitude towards killing her as well: he feels both shamed and excited for what is about to happen. He comforts even as he threatens (p36).

So now we arrived to the question:

why did she have to die?

The answer is love. He told her that if she loves him she will leave the chamber alone (p21) but it was exactly because she loved him, that she wanted the true him that she had not obeyed. Alternatively we can make this about carnal lust, but just bc she caught her first glimpse of him during sex there is no need to go there. I think. I won't.

So as previously discussed she was looking for the true him, his heart, his soul, the phantom self that might have been waiting for her in the chamber.

Love was also the reason why the other women died, though as discussed, they might have been more willing participants in this weird love ritual than the little lady, with whom he might have expressed some reluctance.

So to revise my evidence for that so far: fair warning, new lock, talks as if in that is all in the past, mark of Cain, comfort giving.

Now here is a quote from when she returns back: "and it seemed to me he was in despair" "I felt there emanate from him, at that moments, a stench of absolute despair, rank and ghastly". She also observes that it was as if the lilies started to fester and his seductive scent was breaking down (p35), To me it communicates that his uglier nature is coming out in the presence of the sinner who has caught a glimpse of him and is tainted by him, but that his better part is not necessarily happy with the arrangement. "The evidence of that bloody chamber had showed me that I could expect no mercy. Yet, when he raised his head and stared at me with his blind, shuttered eyes as though he did not recognize me, I felt a terrified pity for him, for this man who lived in such strange, secret places that, if I loved him enough to follow him, I should have to die.

The atrocious loneliness if that monster"

He is looking at her with blind eyes not recognizing her, not seeing the temptation that he did from the very beginning. These are the last moments when he is still capable of these feelings because the worse part of him won this round and now that she knows what he truly is, what he truly is like she has to die. It is like he too met his double and him too was burnt up by it. She and him, they both saw the worst parts of each other (the disobedient wife who does not "love her husband enough" to respect his requests and the man that needs to own his lovers so completely only death will do). They are not on par, sure but there is this parallel.

Now I only want to highlight one more thing from here: "My little love, you'll never know how much I hate daylight' (p36). This ties back to how she switched on every lamp, how she flooded everything with light and how the sunlight illuminates the world and reveals the things that are hidden in the dark. He hates that his secret self keeps resurfacing, that room, that self is his hell, but he gets pushed back into it all the time, because once that self comes alive it takes over (as we see how he completely changes by the end, p36: still gives comfort calls her pet names p38: he calls her a wicked woman and a whore).

Now one more thing before we move on (yeah, I lie a lot about moving on from topics): the public self already married the young lady, that the chamber's self sees as St. Cecilia (actually calls her that on p38) but for the chamber's self this is the true wedding, the murder. This is the kind of union all the other women were hinting at and this is what is about to happen here too. He tells her that the castle is going to be empty because he had given the servants "a day's holiday, to celebrate our wedding" (p37). It is a ceremony too, like a wedding. She has to bath and get dressed in special dress for it and meet him at the "altar". When she is reluctant to go down to the courtyard to meet him he calls up to her: "Shall I come up to heaven to fetch you down, Saint Cecilia? You wicked woman, do you wish me to compound my crimes by desecrating the marriage bed?" (p38) She is still in the music room at this point so it is a metaphorical marriage bed, the place where he wants to execute her and he does not want to desecrate it by either moving the execution elsewhere or forcing her into it. She has to come on her own. When she appears with a boy she automatically becomes a "whore" for that same reason. She is cheating on him. This also makes the "why is he kissing her nape from p39 make sense. They are getting married, it is their Liebestod and she even notes that he gets her just as naked as the first time he undressed her (the time before they had sex), but this time around it is by cutting her clothes away.

Of course this wedding is interrupted by the mother crashing in on horseback and shooting the Marquis who is likened to a "man-eating tiger that had ravaged the villages in the hills of north Hanoi" (p40).

Ofc the mother sensing that her child is in danger (bc she never heard her child cry in happiness before and knew that if she is crying something is wrong) came in as a great hero is a kind of on the nose way to communicate that 'mother knows best'. She never really liked the Marquis and was sad about the marriage and now she came to protect her young and naive daughter from the predatory man who wanted to hurt her. It kind of says that it is a mother's job to do that because young girls still cannot recognize a threat like this.

Now before I wrap up the conclusion I want to point out one last thing. She had the castle transformed into a school for the blind so now there are children there (needed to explain to put the quote into context.

"I pray that the children who live there are not haunted by any sad ghosts looking for, crying for, the husband who will never return to the bloody chamber". (p40) Now she either understands that those women loved him and that through death they united with him or she is projecting a bit, so she is missing him. (though she mentions that Jean-Yves is living with them but she talks about him so briefly). Either way it is kind of poetic that now these women, who understood her husband better than she did are the ones who have to look for and cry for him though they had him more than she did when he was alive, though it can be viewed that the Liebestod was complete, but simply the other way around and she had him in his death (if we accept my mark of Cain line of thought. Also, the mark took the shape of a heart, which is the symbol of love, especially romantic love. Just throwing that in as well.

As for the conclusion, the part that we should learn from, let's see.... I kinda hate to say it but it is kind of a tale that warns against not only predatory men, but sexual desire, desiring and being desired as well, and especially against a woman taking charge of her own desires. (to be honest it can be understood as any sort of desires bc material wealth was what lured her in, sexual desire and love made her stay and at the end she gave away most of her inherited wealth and is in a non-sexually charged relationship.) Not really a moral i can get behind, but as a fairy tale it was made for a different time (and yes, I say that even though it is a retelling bc I don't feel like the core changed.).