#i need a boyfriend right now actually
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i am but a simple homosexual. i wanna see men whimpering. that’s all.
#i’m going fucking insane#this is about ghost from cod btw#also men in general#completely off topic for this post#maybe not completely#but god i am so obsessed with romance#and like#being loved#i need a boyfriend right now actually#real#he gotta whimper also#/j but only kind of
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it doesnt need to be said but its genuinely so funny how at-the-hip charles and erik are in krakoa like they really had the green light- the OBLIGATION- to be as obnoxiously close to each other as possible and abused that right to the fullest extent
#xmen#xmen comic#krakoa#cherik#snap chats#until the divorce of course but until then its actually so funny#how you really couldnt go a page or two without one or the other and the other one was close behind#ice climber ass duo over here. the delightful children from down the lane kind of proximity what the fuck was their PROBLEM#i feel like if one of them was teleported the other would just materialize right next to them thats how close they were#fuuuck what was the issue where sabretooth and co are in like. Brain Prison or something#and victor imagines charles but everyones like 'wait its weird if its just him where's magneto'#ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY and i NEED to know what issue that was .... to add it to my collection ....#also killed me how in immoral x-men issue 1 charles was yappin bout erik bein gone#and- God Bless Who i forget i think it was hope- was just 'can you please shut up about your dead boyfriend im begging you'#moira stronger than me if i had to deal with thing 1 and thing 2 on a daily basis i woulda snapped sooner frankly#ig when you live ten times through The Most Bullshit ever youre numb to most things but still. my god theyre so obnoxious#sorry im cackling at the bit in HoX where charles is about to announce krakoa to the world and erik's putting his hand on his shoulder#and you justs see moira in the back like dawgggg right in front of her .... can you two get a room#GENUINELY no im GENUINELY surprised they dont share a bedroom#im not even talking sharing a bed im taking my shipper goggles off im actually baffled they dont sleep in the same building#obvi id be lyin if i said i didnt love it tho To Be Real .. genuinely love seein them work together as a team .. until they werent </3#in every timeline they WILL divorce each other that's just the rule. actual canon event it cannot be changed or stopped its integral#ok ramble over. but not really not in spirit cause ill never be over this ill die before i am#im gonna go eat now i think i think thats something i As A Human has to do at least once a day
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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Steve's pouting in a corner somewhere because he wants kisses :(
__________
as always shoutout to my co-conspirator @corrodedcoughin
Hope everyone's had a good week, and cheers to a good weekend <3
#Wayne makes an appearance! ... sort of#am I ever going to stop drawing puppet steddie content?#no. no I am not.#unfollow me now.#Eddie's such a dork I love him#he could be ACTUALLY kissing his ACTUAL boyfriend right now#but instead chooses to make the puppets kith#also they are cartoon puppets that live in my and Anna's imaginations#their eyes and expressions can change however I see fit#yes I reused the Eddie from the last one. so you don't need to mention it.#steddie#stranger things#puppet steddie#Len doodles#slowly replacing all st characters with puppets#drawing puppets making out was not something I foresaw for myself in 2023#and yet
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Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.
-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country
#I do think the root of what makes Lesmad so funny is that it is literally the one of two times Lestat has displayed good sense in love#both times his mother was standing right there telling him what to do so take from that what you will#but lestat does enjoy negative attention and fucking around to find out and needling powerful entities who are enamored with him#it takes so much for him to say yes you're hot. but still no#you are too good at fucking will my head and too willing to take liberties with my body i don't like this#though iirc part of it was having experienced Armand's mind whammy he didn't want to leave him in proximity to Gabrielle#once again mommy issues carry the day#anyway#press says iwtv#I have a post percolating in my heart about the reversal of Gabby telling Lestat she just wants to die knowing he's safe in Paris with his#boyfriend#explicitly severing their codependent you're my other half my twin me but a man thing#and Gabby telling him to leave Nicki with Armand and run#but it's actually half a post that amounts to a) this too is a perversion brought on by living past your own death and#b) actually though it's her being a good mom in both instances#like probably the two times she most clearly manages that are#leave this place and me and live your own best life without guilt or shame#and leave your boyfriend who has had a psychotic break and hates you now. do not involve yourself with the sewer creature who is violently#obsessed with you.#she packed up her kid and she left! also did some other things but we don't need to talk about that#cw: incest#interview with the vampire
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You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.
But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?
because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)
#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting.#Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project.#peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance.#me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away.#take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me.#sci speaks#I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually.#all my relationships have been. pretty short.#and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t.#a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak.#but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing.#because I really don’t know.#I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days.#I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely.#I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time.#and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it.#it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything.#I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless.#but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no
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I usually avoid posting my own opinions, but I've seen a few posts like the one in the screenshot below creep across my feed lately and they're bugging me too much to keep my mouth shut. I censored the identity of this particular example because I don't want to start a Tumblr war or make them feel like I'm singling them out or attacking them.
I don't feel good about celebrating black history month through a character who was both written and performed by a white man. I know this is all just low-stakes fandom headcanon stuff and I'm not trying to control what other people do, but something feels not-quite-right about taking a character played by a white VA and deciding (on his behalf might I add) that he's black and using him as your example of black representation in the audio rp fandom.
There are black VAs out there, they can represent themselves. I really think it's disingenuous to sort through a cast of characters all played by the same white guy and assign POC races to them in order to give a singular white guy's one-man show racial diversity, then celebrate said "diversity".
Sorry, I'm not trying to be a Tumblr drama queen. If you're the person from the screenshot (or have posted something similar), I don't think you meant any harm. Your post probably wasn't meant to be that deep and not the worst thing in the world, but I don't know why you would pick a random character written and performed by a white guy and cheer "Rahhh, let's celebrate black history month with this!". If it really matters to you, you can celebrate a black VA, or a canonically black character, or even just a listener character that you/others HC as black. You can celebrate fan artists and writers who are black.
Why use characters played by Redacted for this? I promise I'm not trying to start a fight, or accuse people who've made posts like this of being racist or cancel anyone. I don't think they mean badly. But I see this a lot even outside of the context of BHM. It's almost always with characters written/performed by Redacted and it's always made me a little uneasy, especially with the amount of enthusiasm people throw onto the race they decided to HC for this one white man's characters.
If you disagree with me, I'm open to hearing you out. I don't want to try and dictate what people can/can't do in a fandom space or send a mob after anyone, but something feels off to me about using Redacted characters to celebrate BHM.
-Ringmaster
#I hope I don't accidentally start a tumblr war and regret this#but POC don't need to be represented by white actors#I'd rather celebrate actual black characters and black creators#just accept that you aren't going to get diverse racial representation from a series where the same white guy is playing absolutely everyon#redacted audio#black history month#BHM#not a callout post#please don't witch-hunt anyone#but seriously there are black VAs out there if black representation is important to you#some are very under-rated and could actually use a shoutout right now#there are also non-black VAs who collab with black people and have actual diverse representation in their casts#also how do you hear Erik's voice and think “that's my black king right there”#redacted fandom#audio roleplay#boyfriend asmr
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mobius just stands still, sunrays warm on his skin.
he sighs quietly, not looking at anything in particular.
letting time pass.
after a couple of minutes, he looks up, determined.
"okay, enough time has passed, it's time to get loki back."
mobius mutters softly, his expression getting serious, as he pulls up the tempad.
he can't just let him go like that after all this, after all that happened. he will work it out.
he will find him. he will get to him.
he won't let loki be alone.
ever again.
#let me have a little treat please:(((#it's a bit fast for my liking BUT I DO ENJOY THE POSSIBILITY YOU KNOW#go mobius go bring your boyfriend back asap#gummy wormies brainroting again#wish i could draw this actually but im not in resource right now for this (( might get to it though but i just needed to get this out srry#loki series#loki season2 spoilers#loki spoilers#loki#mobius#lokius#they will be haunting my mind for months to come i swear#bruh i accidentally wrote timepad instead of tempad the first time i posted lol im slowly loosing it guys
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God I love writing because I'll just have the best fucking lines flowing directly from my brain. The most funny, tragic, epic and cute shit. I love writing.
#personal#envisioning what would've been worse at a Württemberg family dinner: outing yourself as gay or as catholic was really funny#but also shit like “i delivered him jnti the maws of a lion and now i have the salad (the guy is half-mauled half lion himself)”#(there is no salad in the actual line)#i need to clarify the gay or catholic:#gay and your boyfriend is the current protestants rights king#or catholic and you converted for a former mistress of Augustus II#(canon btw. and he did it in secret LMAO)
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[slams my fist on the table so hard it shatters] I KNEW IT
from the very beginning i knew deep in my fucking heart that what kaku had been doing wasnt 100% part of his disguise. in no way shape or form was that necessary. it was something he enjoyed. it was genuine.
and its not surprising in the slightest. seeing kaku as a kid holding a boat shatters my heart because while i understand its just a scribble, being part of galley-la was VERY important to him. as meaningless as it is in the grand scheme of things it reminds me that he was 17-18 when his mission started - he was a kid. not a young one, but if you do something passionately for 5 years starting from that age, it's going to stay with you.
and im not there yet but i also know his key is the right one. GOOD. that means the world to me. you left water 7, but water 7 is not going to leave you.
#and yes. yes i know hes coming back. and im sure it wont be as meaningful then as it is now#but thats the future. right now i got everything i asked for#god. GOD. he's the most tragic of them.#📡 incoming transmission 📡#mimosas#kaku#cp9#this remains unrebloggable. someday ill be able to talk to other cp9 fans but#i need the warning for a reason#oh and this isnt me being like 'ahhh but hes nice actually 🥺' i know very well my boyfriend is crazy fucking evil.#i heard the sheer bloodlust in his voice and i LIKED it.#but. BUT. i also like tragedy. i like it when theres conflict.
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I think we should kill off people who don’t have a personality by the time they reach high school. If you have zero hobbies other than “listening to music” and “hanging out with my family” you should be required to take a lethal does of Ketamine or find something you enjoy. Reading counts, but you have to like to talk about the books ur reading and actually read.
#I’m just describing my ex boyfriend#I place my past partners into serious and unserious buckets and right now unserious is sitting at like four or five and serious is at one#men#meme#silly Billy#funniestpersontoeveegracetheeartj#I broke up with him yesterday and am actually so free and happy#I do miss making out though#he was a bad kisser so I need to find someone whose good at it
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── little things about the mun !
i'm under 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or more piercings / i have at least one or more tattoos / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / I paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child
tagged by: @thefvrious
tagging: whoever wants this!
#i was just an only child of the universe ( out )#'i can multitask' is in italics because i can - case in point; i'm watching qi and writing things right now and i often crochet and watch#but i don't like to multitask with like work things because i get easily distracted by other jobs i need to do#and 'i've never dated anyone' is in italics because i've had two “boyfriends” at separate times in my life but they never took me on a date#tbh one was literally just a sports day bf when i was 15 and then he moved onto my bestie ( who was actually an evil cow ) and the other wa#at uni and he lasted for like a month before he got bored because i wouldn't put out
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i think im getting less sensitive about online system bullshit. it still bothers me, but it doesnt ruin my day and put me in a foul mood - at worst i ruminate over it for a few hours and then cope by vaguely complaining and reposting things ive already said to make myself feel more secure
#my posts#i think sane interactions with people have helped me process the concept of systemhood and destigmatise plurality as a whole in my brain#now i can be critical of the idiotic parts of it without being triggered by it being mentioned at all#because when most people mention it they dont necessarily mean the idiotic parts anyway#my sense of self has also kept improving. ive been processing the fact that im not allowed sex right now#because my dissociation is bad and my boyfriend is not prepared to take these risks with me#and it scared me at first but theres been peace since#i feel somewhat secure now that its a hard no for the foreseeable future. ive been digesting maybe i will Actually never do it again#i think it definitely calmed the child part down. this is what they wanted#wanted it never again#me and constantly processing several things at once. just need to make sure im living at the same time
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TW Vent (Family issues, relationship issues, low self esteem and suicidal thoughts... Kinda?)
No but like why am I actually the most unlovable and worthless person alive?
My stepdad tells me right to my face that I am his problem(among others things), my mother turning an blind eye on everything and my boyfriend hangs up mid conversation and doesn't know why he came together with me in the first place...
My father was right when I was 12, it's no wonder everyone leaves me.
I probably would leave myself too if I was dating me.
Why is it so hard to love me?
I just want someone to be there for me but I am being ignored or pushed away by everyone in my life...
Don't worry, as soon as I move out I won't bother anyone.... Ever again.... I am sick of feeling like the worst person alive and sick of always trying my best to deescalate and solve everything when others just... I don't even know.
I just feel like everything I do or try isn't doing shit. And I try so hard to be understanding when being disrespected and told aweful things but I seriously don't know for how long I can keep this up.
This is so exhausting, why do I have to take everyone's shit?
But then again when everyone has a problem with me and not just one person then maybe the problem is actually me... So maybe I should just disappear and leave everyone alone.
I just feel like shutting off completely but do I even deserve to be alive when no one actually loves me?
#bpd vent#vent post#vent#voids thoughts for the void#i have a test tomorrow and i really dont know how to go throug that with everything else going on#i literally do not feel save at home. i store my food in my food so i don't have to go outside for that. everytime i am outside my room my#body is filled with adrenaline or something and i am hyperly aware of every step or voice i hear#i told my boyfriend that i dont know how i would survive this if he wasnt there for me and now he doesn't want to talk woth me or anything#i guess i am truely doomed#family issues#relationship issues#bpd yandere#actually bpd#bpd#honestly i would need a really good beating right now. from my stepdad or my boyfriend.#i want to feel on the outside how i feel on the inside
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#tag talk#I feel good cause a new friend at work said something about how my boyfriend hasn't talked much to him since meeting me#And I was like uh oh I do not want to be that bitch#and I know he's been trying to organize some kind of game might and I was like rip you can't get him to play stardew valley with you#and I don't like stardew valley so I was like hey what about minecraft? because if I get them playing together on a realm then It's fixed#so anyway now I might have a new server and friend group to play with and hopefully I'll be less in the way of the preexisting friend group#because I'm really conscious of when I'm the reason stuff goes poorly so I don't wanna be a reason friends don't hang out anymore.#cause that shit sucks. jealous girlfriend type can go die I ain't about hogging people I don't feel good about it.#I just want everyone to get along and be friends#I'm putting in the work to learn bedrock mechanics. that's how committed I am to this. I hate variations on an established base.#it's the autistic in me for sure. I loathe multiple versions of songs. there can only be one true version. one right answer. all else is bad#so the slight discrepancies between bedrock and Java drive me absolutely nuts bonkers up the wall#I read a really good twilight fanfic and it rewired my brain and now I'm forever mixing up which is cannon and which is fanfic#because my brain immediately booted the version I preferred less and installed the new fanfic version as the correct right version#anyway. I'm hunting tutorials that actually explain the mechanics and taking notes so I know how to adjust the designs for aesthetics#because you need the minimum mechanical base to work before you can ad lib a building style and design onto the structural framework#I figured out the iron farm mechanics so tomorrow I think I'm gonna work on gold farm stuff. and redstone I just want to learn myself
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Oh in other news I think I got a passable grade in Date(?), something that is normal to want and possible to achieve
#I was up until 5 am last night I was so anxious about this I’VE HAD A TUMMY ACHE FOR FOUR DAYS#still don’t know if it was a date but I think I’m okay with that#he got a flat tire on the way there and was late but that was fine#we got coffee (in my case tea) and just talked movies and video games and other nerdy stuff for an hour and a half#wow can that boy TALK. 😂😂😂#but I of course started panicking on the way home that I’m not sure if I actually like him or if I’m just excited that I found someone of#the male species that is easy to talk to other than my dad and brothers#(or worse that I want a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend 💀)#my parents are telling me not to worry so much and that I don’t need to know right now it’s too soon but like. hfjfhdhshshs#if nothing else it was a low-pressure first date and I didn’t die#oh also while I was talking to him this lovely older gentleman was standing in line just behind his chair and he gave him bunny ears and#grinned at me. delightful#I’d like to think maybe that was God telling me not to take this so seriously but I don’t like to read signs into things
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