#body is filled with adrenaline or something and i am hyperly aware of every step or voice i hear

[loving-like-a-dog]

TW Vent (Family issues, relationship issues, low self esteem and suicidal thoughts... Kinda?)

No but like why am I actually the most unlovable and worthless person alive?

My stepdad tells me right to my face that I am his problem(among others things), my mother turning an blind eye on everything and my boyfriend hangs up mid conversation and doesn't know why he came together with me in the first place...

My father was right when I was 12, it's no wonder everyone leaves me.

I probably would leave myself too if I was dating me.

Why is it so hard to love me?

I just want someone to be there for me but I am being ignored or pushed away by everyone in my life...

Don't worry, as soon as I move out I won't bother anyone.... Ever again.... I am sick of feeling like the worst person alive and sick of always trying my best to deescalate and solve everything when others just... I don't even know.

I just feel like everything I do or try isn't doing shit. And I try so hard to be understanding when being disrespected and told aweful things but I seriously don't know for how long I can keep this up.

This is so exhausting, why do I have to take everyone's shit?

But then again when everyone has a problem with me and not just one person then maybe the problem is actually me... So maybe I should just disappear and leave everyone alone.

I just feel like shutting off completely but do I even deserve to be alive when no one actually loves me?