#i mostly see this argument used when ppl are trying to say that they pull punches to keep from killing pcs so they can keep selling merch

[milquetoad]

i think it’s very funny when people try to say that matt goes easy on the table or keeps things low stakes for the show when he once deliberately burned a player’s in-game 5 year old son to death in front of her

[golbrocklovely]

This may be an odd question,but is the Sam Pepper prank fake? I ask mostly cos it's being brought up a lot by the sceptics to prove Sam is acting in the Conjuring videos and I was of the opinion that it was not completely fake and some parts of it were real (namely the rooftop stuff) cos I never believed Sam to be that good of an actor. I was of the thinking that they said that it was fake to get the heat off Colby, but am I mistaken with this thinking since everyone keeps saying I'm wrong and that it is evidence that Sam was acting at the Conjuring House?

according to snc, the prank was fake and both of them were in on it. i forget what video i saw of sam talking about it, but he explained it like "if i wasn't in on it, how would they have gotten me to the roof of that apartment building without anyone seeing me? you don't think i would have been screaming and kicking the entire time getting up there?" which honestly…. valid lol

but i'll be so totally honest with you, anyone trying to use that as proof of snc lying now is really dumb in my eyes. that's like saying bc i lied when i was kid that now i'm also still lying. like… that's not how any of this works.

it would also be like using their vines of following fat ppl to prove that they're assholes. even tho in that instance, the ppl they followed were also in on the prank bc they asked them a head of time if they could follow them and then make a big stink about it.

if ppl want to argue that sam was lying and that was his real genuine reaction just to get the heat off of colby, it's possible. but i think ppl have to remember the main reason they did that prank in the first place was bc they were desperate and hungry and wanted attention. the very early years of snc were spent like that bc they WANTED to gain an audience. and they did gain one, and they hoped that those that stuck around got to actually know them for who they were and not just their attempts at fame or attention.

snc have no reason to lie at this point in their careers. there is no reason for them to go above and beyond for this past series when it was gonna be major regardless of cody and satori. and look, i don't believe cody and satori fully, but i also don't think they are fully lying either. i just can't explain how they do it. and tbh idc to either. and any "proof" that has been given as proof of them lying isn't proof. unless you catch them physically lying, like popping their joints and shit, then everything is hearsay and assumptions. and ppl just need to give it a rest at this point.

if you don't believe, then don't. this isn't a life or death situation. snc didn't hold a gun to your head and tell you to believe. they just showed their experience and said "if you can debunk it, please do" and everyone's attempts have just been too fucking much and extremely hateful. believe what you want, and let others do the same.

and side note, i fucking HATE the ppl that are trying to use "snc's fandom is too young to understand" or whatever as an argument. first off, that's very dismissive and also not completely true. of course there are young ppl in this fandom, i know that. but there are plenty that are older too, most of which i interact with all the time. and the only reason anyone is saying this fandom is young is bc it's easier to toss aside the general opinion of "i believe snc" or "i believe cody and satori". just bc someone is young doesn't mean their opinion is invalid, especially when it goes against your own. and let's be fucking honest here, the older ppl that are literally berating the young fans on reddit (and not on twitter where they are pulling these opinions)…. yall don't care about the kids. you just want to feel validated and cool so it's easier to argue with teens than it is to debate ppl your actual geriatric age.

grow up, and move on.

(this is not directed at you anon, jsyk)

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[reidgraygubler]

last christmas (spencer reid/reader)

Title:  Last Christmas

Requested: no

Couple: spencer reid/gen-neutral!reader 

Category: mostly fluff, but some angst

Content Warning: cheating, swearing, christmas (tagging bc i know some ppl don’t celebrate and could be a trigger), pregnancy, engagements, verbal arguments, kissing/making out, swearing, post prison/post series (minor spoilers, but idk)

Word Count: 7,864

Summary: last christmas: reader gets proposed to on christmas night. The very next day, they find out their fiance is cheating on them. So they go spend the night with their best friend, Spencer Reid. this year: Reader gets proposed to by someone special.

A/N: being forced to listen to christmas music for 3-6 hours at work can really do something to someone. And that’s either murder or writing a cute one-shot… so I went with the latter… bc that’s so much easier than murder. and, this was hardly edited.... sorry for any grammatical errors... Anyways, happy holidays, thank you all for the love and support! Check out my masterlist! {***}{***}{***}

Last Christmas:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, as the song would say. The lights on the trees and houses around were beautiful. The downtown was always decked out with bizarre lights and statues, as well as people in full 18th-century garb. Loved ones gathering to celebrate the holidays with their friends and family. 

I didn’t know anyone who loved Christmas more than myself. Everyone who knew me, knew that Christmas was my favorite holiday. I tried my hardest to live my best stereotypical Christmas movie life. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend hated it… So, I guess it’s a good thing that all my friends and co-workers loved it. 

“I don’t exactly understand why we have to go to this party,” Jasper looked down at me with a mild annoyance. I smiled before knocking firm on the door. A quick glance at him told him to be quiet. 

“We went to your work party, so it’s only fair we go to mine,” I looked back at the door. A moment later, the door flew open and there stood David Rossi with his wife, Krystall, beside him. “David, Krystall,” I smiled as I pulled my hand from Jasper to hug the couple. “Merry Christmas,” I hummed happily once we parted. I turned to Jasper and took the bottle of wine to give to them.

“And to you. Please, come in. Reid, Penelope, and Emily are all here.” David graciously took the wine from me and invited us in. I grasped Jasper’s hand once again and pulled him inside. 

“Do you need help with anything?” I looked towards David as I took my jacket off. Krystall took it and brought it to a spare room, where I would assume all the other jackets were kept. 

“We’re almost done. Just get yourself a drink and relax,” he smiled and hugged me one last time. I looked up at Jasper and led him to the living room where Spencer, Penelope, and Emily were. I only knew they were there because I could hear their laughter and lively conversations. 

“C’mon, we don’t have to stay for too long,” I looked up at him with a smile. He nodded before pecking my lips, “I promise,” I smiled as I stared at him. 

“Yeah, okay,” he nodded as he glanced at my friends, “I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be right back,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my lips. I smiled and watched as he walked away. Once he was around the corner, I walked over to the living room.

“Hey you,” Emily looked up at me as I sat next to Spencer, “How are you?” she smiled. I looked at Spencer and smiled.

“I’m good. Jasper’s nieces and nephews woke us up at like 5 in the morning… And we were up late wrapping their presents,” I laughed and shook my head, “But it was exciting watching them rip through everything,” I added and nodded.

���Sounds Henry and Michael,” Spencer dryly laughed as he looked over at me. 

“Or was it because they got to see their Uncle Spencer?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer looked away from me and smiled, a small blush rising on his cheeks. “I’d get that excited too if I saw you first thing in the morning,” I smiled. 

“Could you be any cuter, I swear,” Penelope looked between Spencer and I. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“And on that note, I’m going to the bathroom real quick,” Spencer looked at me before standing up.

“Oh, Jasper’s in there right now, so it could be a minute,” I looked up at him as he started to walk away. “Or you could find one of the other many bathrooms Rossi has,” I smiled at him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Spencer waved me off before he walked away. I watched as he walked around the corner, leaving it to be just me, Emily, and Penelope.

“How was your guys’ morning?” I looked back at them with a smile. Emily looked at Penelope before looking at me. The smile she wore made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“It was good. It was pretty lazy. Just Andrew and I,” Emily nodded before taking a sip of her wine. I nodded and watched her sip. “He said he’d be joining us, but he’ll be a little late,” she added once she put her glass down. 

“Oh good! I’d love to see good ole Mendoza,” I laughed. Emily looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “What? Andrew is a great guy,” I shrugged.

“Well, I had a great Christmas! I got to see my Chocolate Thunder and his spawn and Queen,” Penelope cut in before either of us could further a comment. 

“How is Morgan? I wish I got to see him more,” I frowned as I looked over at Penelope. Jasper stepped back in, and Spencer was right in tow. Spencer returned to his seat beside me and Jasper on the other side. There was a certain tension in the room now that those two stepped in.  I knew those two always butted heads, but they tried to get along for me. But at the same time, I hated when they were around each other. There was always something for them to fight about. And, most of the time it was nothing.

“Uh, well,” Penelope started after a moment of very awkward silence. I looked at her and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Derek’s great! Hank’s great! I swear I could just eat him up,” her voice was high pitched as she lifted her hands like she was pinching an imaginary person’s cheeks.

“Derek or Hank?” Emily looked at Penelope with a raised eyebrow. I wanted to listen into the conversation. But it was so hard when I had two bags of testosterone sitting beside me. 

“Are you okay,” I looked over at Jasper and whispered. He tensed as I grasped his hand. He looked at me and smiled lightly. 

“Yeah, yeah, work called,” he nodded and looked down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I could hear Spencer’s scowl from behind me. I wanted to turn back and tell him off, but I refrained.

“But it’s Christmas,” I whispered. 

“Don’t worry. It was an easy fix, over the phone,” he smiled before pecking my lips.

After several minutes of banter with everyone, Jennifer and Will, Matt and Kristy, and Luke arrived, all with various bags or boxes. I instantly got up to help someone or everyone, or anyone who wanted my help (and that happened to be Luke). 

“Merry Christmas,” Jennifer smiled as she embraced me. I squeezed her tight before muttering the words back to her. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, a little bit of concern in her eyes. “Did you have a good day,”

“Of course I did,” I smiled as I looked at her. I sighed deeply before looking over my shoulder at Spencer and Jasper. They were talking to each other and I honestly couldn’t tell if the conversation was a good conversation or not. I was just worried that Jasper and I would be leaving early and having an argument on the way home. 

“Your boys fighting?” Jennifer asked as she followed my gaze to the two men. 

“Honestly, with those two? I never know. I just wish for Christmas they wouldn’t fight,” I rolled my eyes. Jennifer laughed lightly as she looked back at me. 

“I’m sure they’ll get along, someday,” she reassured. I looked back at her, dropping my shoulders. “And, for now, don’t worry about it,” she hummed once she saw my disappointment.

“Anyways, Penelope saw Chocolate Thunder for Christmas,” I looked over at Penelope and smiled. She looked back at me with a childlike excitement once I talked about her forbidden love. 

“Oh? Really? I would love to hear more about that trip,” Jennifer looked over at the people sitting in the living room. I smiled as I watched Penelope recount her trip to the others. 

“Wine,” David appeared beside me with a glass of wine. I smiled before graciously taking it from him.

{***}{***}{***}

I was happy to see that Jasper seemed to join in on the conversations with everyone, instead of sitting and wallowing in whatever emotion he was in. But I knew something was going on, because I could feel a certain annoyance or nervousness coming from him. Being on a team with a bunch of FBI profilers really helps to tell when something is wrong. 

I smiled at Spencer and Jennifer before silently excusing myself to sit beside Jasper. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could feel Spencer’s eyes watching me. No matter what the situation was, he was always protective of me. He was my best friend, so I shouldn’t be too worried. He was more protective over me when it came to Jasper, too. He hated Jasper.

“Is everything okay,” I asked as I sat beside him on the couch. He turned to face me more and grasped both my hands. A certain worry was in his eye, which made me worry. “Is everything okay,” I looked at him, trying to push away all my anxieties. 

“I just wasn’t sure if I would get the chance to ask you a question,” his voice was low. I furrowed my eyebrows as he pulled his hands from mine. I watched as he stood up in front of me. He cleared his throat, getting the attention of everyone else in the room. The room went silent as everyone turned to look at Jasper and I (but mostly Jasper). “Can I have everyone’s attention for just a moment,” he spoked, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Once he was certain he had the floor and everyone’s attention, more specifically mine, he looked back at me. He had a certain gleam in his eye that made me feel happy, and the exact opposite of nervous and worried. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. There is no one I would rather spend my entire life with than you,” his words were smooth like butter and he was as relaxed as ever. He slowly lowered to the ground, kneeling on one knee. I brought my hands to my lips as I gasped. The girls around me were instantly squealing from excitement and the guys were stunned into silence. Spencer just glared from his seat across the room. “Will you marry me?” Jasper asked as he pulled his hand from his pocket. A black velvet box was in his hands, and inside was a diamond ring. I widened my eyes and felt the breath escape my lungs. 

The room fell silent with his proposal. Everyone’s eyes fell on us, and I could feel the cold and mildly judgemental stare from Spencer. Of course, I wanted to say yes. I loved Jasper. And, no one could make me feel otherwise. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, you fool,” I smiled at him as slid to the edge of the couch. A series of applause came from everyone as Jasper slid the ring on my finger. I rested my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. 

“Well, I think it’s time to pop open a bottle of champagne,” David spoke in a cheery tone before standing. I looked up at him with a smile and watched as he walked towards the kitchen. I looked back at Jasper before kissing him once again. 

“I’m going to see if he needs any help,” Spencer spoke cooly before leaving. I looked at him, watching as he left. I looked over at Jennifer with a raised eyebrow, silently asking her to go see what’s wrong. She nodded before chasing after Spencer. 

{***}{***}{***}

“Again, congratulations,” Krystall smiled as she hugged me. I returned the hug. As I pulled away, she grasped my hand. “Merry Christmas,” she looked up at me. I smiled before turning to David.

“Thank you guys so much. I’ll see you on Monday,” I looked at the couple again before turning to leave. Jasper had already gone out to the care to start it, seeing as it was very cold out. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Spencer spoke up from behind David and Krystall. I looked past the couple at Spencer. He was already wearing his jacket and scarf. He wanted to leave the second Jasper proposed. 

“Yeah, of course,” I smiled and nodded. Spencer gave his pardons to David and Krystall before we finally stepped outside. 

“Did you have a good Christmas, Spence,” I looked up at him as we walked down the sidewalk. He kept his eyes low on the ground as we walked, and the silence he gave me was nearly deafening. I glanced at him, half worried because he’s never ever this quiet. Even when a sour police officer was getting annoyed or fed up with him, he wouldn’t even shut up. 

“Yeah, yeah, spent it with my mom and JJ’s family,” he nodded as he kept his eyes low. I smiled and nodded. “What about you,” he finally looked over at me.

“Yeah, yep… Spent it with Jasper and his family and friends,” I nodded as I shoved my hands into my pocket. 

“Not yours?” Spencer stopped walking. He grabbed my wrist, causing me to stop. I turned around and looked up at him. “I mean, it’s not very fair that he forced you to spend the holidays with his friends and family, and he looked like he wanted to jump off a bridge the whole time you were here… And you weren’t even here that long,”

“Spencer!” I looked up at him as I exclaimed. I stared at him with wide eyes. “What the hell is going on with you?” I dropped my shoulders as I looked at him.

“I’m just speaking the truth,” Spencer shrugged before he put his hands in his pockets. I shook my head and let out a laugh of disbelief.

“I gotta go,” I shook my head before turning to leave. I could hear Spencer muttering something to himself as I turned, and I just knew he had more to say.

“He doesn’t even love you!” Spencer shouted as I walked towards the car. I froze, staring at the window and Jasper sitting inside. I’m sure he could hear my argument with my best friend.  My heart was in my throat and I could feel myself starting to get sick. My head started to get a little woozy. “I’ve seen the way he’s looked at you and talked to you! And, he doesn’t…”

“Spencer,” I turned around to look at him, feeling the irritation growing in my head and my heart. He was looking at me, face filled with fury. The expression on his face told me he was telling the truth, but also Spencer would never lie to me. 

His eyes grew watery as he stared at me, and I knew the next thing he would say would probably break my heart. He was already telling the truth, a truth that I didn’t want to believe. 

“Please don’t marry him,” his voice lowered as he spoke. And I swear I heard it crack. I swallowed roughly as I looked at him. “He was constantly talking to someone tonight, texting someone. I heard him on the phone with someone when I left the bathroom, and I know it wasn’t work,”

“Stop,” I looked at him, trying to get him to stop talking before he said anything more that would embarrass the both of us. “Goodnight, Spencer. I’ll see you Monday,” I nodded at him before slipping into the car.

“Ready?” Jasper asked, looking over at me as he grasped my hand. I looked over at him with a smile before nodding.

“Yeah,” I whispered before looking back out the window at Spencer. He was still standing on the sidewalk, staring at me. He wore a very hurt expression on his face, and I swear a tear was rolling down his cheek. And before anything could happen, Jasper started the car and pulled away from David’s house and my best friend.

{***}{***}{***}

“Have a nice day,” I looked up at Jasper as he slipped from the bed. He pressed his lips to my forehead, wishing me a good day, before leaving to get ready for the day. I was only asleep for a few minutes before my alarm went off, forcing me to get out of bed and get on with my day. And, although I still had a few more days left of no work, I still had my plate full of errands and chores. 

Once my day finally started, I made way towards the dry cleaners. I had to pick up a couple of my blouses and a few slacks. Work had wrinkled and nearly ruined a few of my clothes, and the only place that could fix them was the dry cleaners. After the dry cleaners, I had to get a few groceries, seeing as all we had was some leftovers from Jasper’s parents’ place.

My phone started ringing, almost shocking me because I wasn’t expecting anyone to call me today. But I was more relieved when I saw that it was Jennifer calling. 

“Hey, have you talked to Spence?” Jennifer asked as I pressed my phone between my head and shoulder. I furrowed my eyebrows as I readjusted the grip on the bags in hand. 

“No, not since last night. We kind of had an argument before I left,” I muttered as I grabbed my phone. The memories of the argument with Spencer came back, and I tried my hardest not to recount them. I looked up at the sidewalk and people ahead of me and saw Jasper. He wasn’t alone though. Another woman was in his arms.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jennifer spoke, her tone mildly annoyed that I wasn’t answering any of her questions or acknowledging anything she was saying. 

“I’m… I gotta go. I’m sorry,” I muttered before hanging up and shoving my phone in my pocket. I looked at Jasper and the woman and watched as he deeply kissed her. 

I took a deep shaky breath before rushing back to my car. I didn’t even care about my fresh dry cleaning as I shoved it into the back. Tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks, and I wasn’t sure if there was a way I could stop them.

Not wanting to go home, the place that I would be reminded of him, I drove around, trying to figure where to go. Until I found myself standing outside Spencer’s apartment. I wasn’t exactly sure if I had knocked until the door swung open and Spencer was standing in front of me.

“Wh-what are you-Wait, is everything okay?” he asked, reaching a hand out to grasp my arm. I swallowed roughly and allowed him to hold my arm, and then my hand.

"I'm sorry… I didn't know where else to go. I didn’t want to go home because he’s there. And I just didn’t want to be around him,” I looked at Spencer with moisture in my eyes. He looked back at me with confusion settling on his face as he stared. 

“What… What happened? What’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped out of his apartment and rested his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him before allowing myself to fully break down. Spencer widened his eyes before pulling me into a hug. I pressed my face into his chest and sobbed.

“He cheated on me!” I exclaimed after a moment of crying. Spencer backed away from me to get a better look at me. “I was out doing errands… And I saw him…” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. Spencer looked at me as he slowly realized what I had said. I could tell he didn’t really know what to do, so he just hugged me again before pulling me inside. 

“Sit, I’ll get you… I’ll get you tea. You like tea.” Spencer looked at me as he sat me on the couch. I looked up at him before wiping my cheeks. “Yeah, I’ll make you tea,” he nodded before leaving me alone in the living room. I looked towards the direction of his kitchen, listening to the clatter he was making. I could hear him talking to himself, saying stuff about Jasper, and me, and work, and the party last night, and our argument last night. I definitely shouldn’t be hearing him saying these things. It was an obvious thing that should be said to me another time. 

“Can I stay here for the night?” I looked up at Spencer as he reentered the living room with a mug of hot water and teabag. He looked at me as he sat beside me. I graciously took the mug from him and put the teabag in it. 

“Of course. You didn’t even have to ask,” Spencer looked at me as he grabbed a throw blanket. I sighed deeply as he placed it over my shoulders. “You can stay for as long as you need,” he looked at me as he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Thanks, Spence,” I looked down at the tea and shrugged, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. All my stuff is over there.” I wiped my eyes again. Tears just wouldn’t stop rolling down my cheeks, I was starting to feel a little ridiculous. 

“Luke, Matt, and I will go over and bring it here. And you can stay for as long as you want," he insisted. I swallowed roughly before wiping my eyes. I looked up at him, trying to smile but it was rather unconvincing for the both of us. “You know that my place is your place,” he added and returned a genuine smile. His smile made me feel a little bit better and turned my unconvincing smile into something more convincing.

“Thank you, Spencer,” I whispered as I looked down at the cup of tea. The steam coming off it was rather soothing. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it! God. I’m so stupid! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” I looked at him, my statement sounding stupid. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he whispered a hand and wiped my cheeks. I could sense that he wanted to say more, because he always as more to say, especially when it’s about proving someone wrong. So, when he stopped at ‘It’s okay’ I was a little confused. “You didn’t want to believe something that should be false. I understand that,” he folded his hands in his lap. 

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger. I wrinkled my nose before taking it off and chucking it at the coffee table. The ring dinged as it bounced on the hard surface. I muttered a few profanities as I stared at the ring. Spencer looked at me with a raised brow. “I guess that means you’re getting what you wanted… I’m not going to marry him,” I dryly laughed as I looked up at him. 

“I didn’t want it like that,” Spencer whispered as he looked back at me. I looked up at him and frowned. “I was being selfish,” he whispered, mostly to himself. I raised an eyebrow before looking down at the ring. 

“You’re allowed to be selfish, Spencer,” I mumbled before looking back at him.

“You’re right. But I want to be selfish for the right reasons,” he looked back at me. I swallowed roughly and shook my head. “He doesn't deserve you. And you don't deserve to have your heart broken by some guy,” Spencer muttered. I raised an eyebrow. “We don’t have to talk about it now, though, when you’re ready,” he assured. 

I didn’t really want to press why he wanted to wait till I was ready. I was honestly always ready to talk to him, no matter what it was. So, I guess we’ll have to wait till he was good and ready.  Even if that meant a very long time.

{***}{***}{***}

New Year’s Eve:

New Year’s Eve was especially difficult. Usually, I love it, just like Christmas. But this time… This time was different. I supposed being cheated on during such a big holiday can do that to you. My spirit for any exciting holiday was simply diminished and gone now. 

So, that’s why I was sitting at the kitchen counter in Rossi’s house with my third glass of wine. I was really trying not to wallow in self-pity. But it was so easy when my excitement for the new year was just… gone. The others seemed okay with my sadness. Although, Spencer was the most concerned than anyone else. Everyone was off in the living room, laughing in their conversations. I just wanted to be alone for a moment.

“Hey,” Spencer looked at me as he sat beside me at the counter. I looked up from my drink and at him. A lazy and drunk smile grew on my lips as I looked at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m doing great, Spence,” I looked at him as I stood up. He raised an eyebrow as I stumbled a bit. He grasped my arm to steady me a bit. “I’m gonna go outside. I need some fresh air. You stay here,” I patted his chest before leaving.

Spencer allowed me to go outside alone, I was half expecting him to follow me. So, I was happy when I took a seat outside. The air was a little bit chilly and nippy, which was mildly sobering. I kinda wished I had another drink with me.

I heard the back door open and then slam shut, causing me to turn around and look. Spencer was walking towards me with a blanket over his arm. It was only a few minutes since I came out here, he can’t have missed me that much.

“Here, it’s cold,” he offered me the blanket as he sat on the other outdoor chair. I took it and wrapped it around my shoulders like a cape. We sat in an uncomfortable, unnerving silence. I just wished he would say something so we wouldn’t be in the quiet.

“I just needed a few minutes alone. Everyone inside is just a little bit too loud for me,” I shrugged as I looked at the space between us. Spencer’s hum was unconvincing, but I’m sure my excuse was just as unconvincing too. “They’re too happy and I’m, well, not,” I looked up at him.

“I understand,” Spencer nodded, like he knew how I felt. I stared at him, only a little bit annoyed that he said that he understood. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Spencer, I’ve been living with you for the last week, you already know how I feel,” I looked up at him. The previous few nights I was up most of the night sobbing, mostly because I was heartbroken. It was bad and a little embarrassing because Spencer was the one who took care of me. “Thank you, for that… I do appreciate it,”

“You’re my best friend,” he whispered as he looked at me. A friendly smile grew on his lips as our eyes locked. “I care about you. And, I’d do anything to keep you safe,”

I didn’t really have anything to say, because I knew he meant it. He knew I felt the same way about him. There was a reason why I went to his home instead of Jennifer’s, or Emily’s… And, that reason was because he cared about me and he was my best friend. 

I scooched the chair closer to him and threw the blanket over his other shoulder. He looked over at me with a smile and his hair flopped in front of his eyes. I smiled as I brushed the hair away from his face. 

We fell back into our comfortable silence. My head was rested on his shoulder as his fingers slowly entwined with mine. I don’t think I was supposed to notice him holding my hand, but I did. 

“Can I ask something from you, Spence,” I asked, lifting my head from his shoulder. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, like he wasn’t sure if my question was a trick or not.

“Of course,” he nodded and looked at me. I turned to face him more, looking up at his face.

“Kiss me,” I whispered softly. My eyes flicked between his eyes and lips, and it was taking everything within me to not just kiss him. I could easily blame the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed earlier in the evening. Or I could blame the true and exact feelings I had towards Spencer. If I could, I’d wrap them up in a box with a bow and give it to him with a note tag that simply said ‘I love you’, but I wouldn’t. I won’t tell him the real reason why I want him to kiss me. It’s only been a week since my doomed relationship ended. I couldn’t tell him, yet. So I told him a lie. “I’m drunk and heartbroken, Spencer, please just kiss me,” I whispered as I lifted my hand to his tie. 

“I, uh, I... “ Spencer mumbled as he glanced towards the house. I knew no one was watching what I was doing out here, and I knew they wouldn’t care about what Spencer was doing. They were all too busy playing various drinking games and too involved with themselves to care. “Is that a good idea? I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” he muttered as he moved closer to me. And it wasn’t because I was tugging his tie.

“I think it is… I think it’s the greatest idea ever… Why else would I be asking?” I looked up at his eyes before smiling. I dropped my hand from his tie and noted that he wasn’t moving away from me. “Tell me, Spence, would I be a fool if you kissed me?” I looked into his eyes. My reflection was noticeable in his irises and it made me smile knowing I was that close to him.  

“You’d never be a fool,” Spencer whispered, his breath tickling the space above my lips. I smiled and nodded.

“I don’t know about you, but I was pretty foolish last week,” I dryly laughed. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows before shaking his head. “Please, kiss me,” I quietly begged. 

He placed his hands on my cheeks before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed happily as we kissed. I could barely keep myself up and myself breathing as he gently worked his lips against mine. My heart was beating in my chest, but at the same time, it was fluttering. He was so gentle and soft, like if he went any harder he’d break me. But, I’m already broken. The butterflies I was feeling in my stomach grew and caused a heat to work its way up my cheeks. But it wasn’t just a kiss. It never is just a kiss with people. And, Spencer is more than just a person. A kiss with Jasper just felt like eh, it left me feeling nothing. But a kiss with Spencer left me wanting more. I wanted more of my life with him. It was in the few mere moments we were kissing that I realized I really did love him. 

Spencer was the first to move away from me, but only a few inches. Our noses were still touching and our foreheads were still pressed together. I licked my lips and smiled softly.

“That was…” I opened my eyes and looked at him. The smile on my lips grew wider as I looked at him. His eyes scanned my face, looking for any sort of worry or fear I might have had. But I had none. “Amazing,” I whispered as I dropped my shoulders. Spencer visibly relaxed as I finished talking.

“Good,” he laughed softly as he looked back at me. 

“Best kiss I’ve ever had,” I whispered with a smile. Spencer returned the smiles he looked at me. “I know you’d fool me if you kissed me again,” I murmured against his lips. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips back to mine. I hummed as I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him as close as possible. I didn’t want to move from my spot, and I knew Spencer didn’t want to move either. “I’d be okay if you did it again,”

“I love you,” Spencer muttered into my mouth, causing me to freeze in my spot. I kept my eyes closed because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to look at him. “Oh fuck, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth,” he groaned before tilting his head back away from me. I quickly opened my eyes and looked for his face. “Now I’m the fool,” he murmured against my lips. He was clearly embarrassed because I didn’t say anything back. I was mostly shocked because I wasn’t expecting it.

“Don’t say that,” I whispered, bringing my hands to rest gently on his cheeks. He looked at me with furrowed brows, like I was the one who was wrong about our words. “I love you too,” I smiled softly at him. Spencer looked at me, like I was suddenly a light in the darkness. And, I really liked the way it felt when he looked at me like that. “Like, I wished I realized it sooner… And, before I met, you know,” I muttered as I talked about the man who broke my heart a week ago. A look flashed in Spencer’s eyes at the mention of his, I suppose, enemy. I knew he wanted to kill the man. “I’m happy I did realize it though,” I smiled as I looked at him.

“I am too,” he finally said something after a moment of silence. The smile on his lips and in his eyes, and all the previous anger and hatred melted away. “I wish I could have told you sooner,” 

“You told me at a perfect time, Spencer,” I whispered before kissing him again. I nearly fell back in a fit of laughter as he tried deepening the kiss, but I was happy he kept me steady. 

“Don’t worry, I got you now,” he whispered as he held me close.

{***}{***}{***}

This Christmas:

You would have thought that I was going to hate Christmas this year. I mean, considering what happened last year? He basically ruined my week and the whole holiday for me. But it got better, thanks to Spencer. 

I looked up at Spencer as I wrapped my arms around his and rested my head on his shoulder. He looked back down at me with a smile before knocking on the door. 

“I hope everyone had a good Christmas,” I whispered as I looked at the wreath on David’s door. Krystall must be happy about her decor this year.

“Well, this is the first year neither of us really spent it with anyone else from the team,” Spencer replied as he brought his other hand to rest on my arm. I smiled before nuzzling my head more into his shoulder. “Well, This would be the first year I didn’t spend with JJ and Will,” he spoke again, changing his answer.

“Next year,” I smiled softly as I looked up at him, “Who knows, maybe next year we’ll have our own family,” I smiled smugly. Spencer laughed and shook his head, but the happy gleam in his eyes told me otherwise. Of course he wouldn’t actually verbalize that he wants kids, it��s just been known for years that he wanted them. 

“Maybe,” he looked down at me and winked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head lightly. My words were cut off by the front door swinging open. Krystall was standing by the door with a wide smile on her lips. She looked pretty happy to see Spencer and I.

“Merry Christmas, you two,” she smiled as she stepped to the side to allow us in, “Did you have a good morning?” she looked at us as we walked in.

“Wonderful,” I smiled as I looked up at Spencer and smiled. He returned the smile as he unbuttoned his jacket. Of course, we wouldn’t exactly talk about what we did this morning, I’ll just say it was a little NSFW to share with people you work with. And, somethings gotta stay between Spencer and I. 

“Is anyone else here?” I looked back at Krystall as I slipped my own jacket off. I don’t really know why I asked if anyone else was here… Spencer and I were the last ones to show up...

“You’re the last ones to arrive,” she smiled at us, “Jennifer and Will brought their boys,” she spoke as childish laughter filled the moment of silence after her words. 

“Oh! We were just talking about we didn’t see them this morning,” I looked up at Spencer as I moved closer to him. He carefully wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me closer to him. “I can’t wait to see them,” I smiled as I looked at Spencer. He returned the look with a loving look in his eye. 

“Well, I know you two know your way around the house, everyone is in the living room. If you need anything just let us know,” Krystall smiled at us before leaving to put our coats somewhere. Once she was out of our sight, I looked back up at Spencer.

“We should probably go see everyone,” I smiled as I looked towards the kitchen. Spencer gently placed a hand on my cheek, guiding my face to face his. “What,” I whispered as I looked up at him. 

“I love you,” he returned the whisper before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed as I melted into his kiss. His hand was firmly placed on my waist and he carefully pulled me closer to his body. 

“God, not in Rossi’s house,” a groan came from behind us. I pulled away from Spencer and looked over my shoulder. Emily was standing in the doorway, looking at us as she lifted her glass to her lips. 

“What, he was just hugging me,” I smiled at her. Spencer’s hands were still firmly on my me. And, it was very clear that he was not just hugging me. Judging by the expression on Emily’s face, she definitely saw more than she bargained for. 

“Sure you were,” she smiled at us, “Spence, David needs you in the kitchen,” she looked at Spencer before pushing herself off the wall and leaving. I pouted and looked up at him. 

“It’ll be just a minute. Save me a seat,” he whispered before quickly pecking my lips and swiftly leaving me in the foyar. More laughter came from the living room, causing me to smile. I instantly knew I wanted to join in the laughter and fun with the others, more specifically the two young boys.

When I stepped into the living room, everyone greeted me with a lot of excitement. It felt like they hadn’t seen me in months, but we just saw each other two days ago. 

“Hey, Merry Christmas,” I smiled as I looked at everyone. Michael and Henry ran up to me and wrapped their arms around my legs, “Hey you two,” I ruffled my hand in their hair. 

“Boys,” Jennifer called from her spot on the couch. I looked up at her and smiled as her two boys let go of me. I smiled before taking a seat at the armchair. “Where’s Spence? Did he come?” Jennifer asked as she watched me sit. Everyone had this weird sort of energy, like they knew something that I didn’t exactly know. I always hated when they did that. They knew that too. Granted, I’m not typically a person who likes surprises or secrets. 

“Yeah, he’s helping Dave with something in the kitchen,” I smiled as I looked at her. Michael ran up to me, holding a toy truck he got this morning. “Whoa! That’s such a cool truck, Michael! What else did you get?” I leaned and braced myself on my knees. He was very quiet as he told me what he got, but he was very enthusiastic about everything. When he finished telling me everything he got, he cautiously climbed onto the chair and sat beside me. 

“You were supposed to save me a seat,” a voice came from behind me. I looked behind me and saw Spencer, looking down at me with a wide smile. “I’ll just have to sit over here,” he faked a pout before going to sit on the other armchair.

“What can I say, the fellas love me,” I smiled as I watched him sit. As much as I loved sitting with Jennifer’s boys, I really wanted to sit with Spencer. Even from across the living room, he knew that too. 

As the night went on, food was eaten, drinks were drunk, presents were exchanged. I still had a 4 year old little boy attached at my hip, and there was no getting rid of him. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him… But, there were things that I wanted to do. Like sit with Spencer, and talk about things other than toys and little kid things… 

“Can we talk real quick?” Spencer asked as he squatted beside me and Michael. I looked at him and nodded, feeling my face falter slightly. I looked down at the boy on my knee, silently telling Spencer that my shadow probably won’t leave me alone. Spencer looked over his shoulder at Jennifer, silently telling her something. 

“Hey, Michael, c’mere,” Jennifer spoke to her child. Michael looked up at me before hugging me and leaving me alone. I looked back up at Spencer before standing up. 

“Privately?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer swallowed roughly and nodded before grasping my hand and bringing me outside. The door clicked shut behind us as we walked towards the sitting area. I was instantly hugging myself to keep myself somewhat warm, because it was cold and I wasn’t wearing my coat.

“I’ll be quick, I’m sorry,” he cringed, grasping both my hands to hold them. I furrowed my eyebrows as I warily looked at him. The anxiety that I was feeling was through the roof, and I knew he noticed it too. 

“Is everything okay,” I whispered as I looked at him. I was worried something was wrong. Why else would he want to talk to me alone? But, something couldn’t have been wrong, because he was smiling and laughing and looked happy.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a second... And without Michael by your side,” Spencer laughed as he looked back at me. I smiled as I looked up at him. “And I wanted to have a moment with you, alone,” he looked over my shoulder at the house. Something flashed in his eyes as he pulled one hand from me and put it in his pocket. “In fact… I wanted eternity with you,” he whispered as he looked at me. I dropped my shoulders as I slowly realized what he meant. “I know Christmas is your favorite, and last Christmas was ruined… But I wanted to make it mean something to you again…”

“Spen-”

“Will you marry me,” he whispered, pulling out a small grey box and opening it up. The ring was a plain silver band with a diamond embedded in the center. I looked at him and smiled. “I know it’s barely been a year… But,”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” we both said it in unison. He looked up at me and smiled, his eyes a little bit moist. Mine were also welling up a little bit. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, Spencer,” I whispered looking at him with a smile. He returned the smile before sliding the ring on my finger. I placed my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. Cheering and applause came from inside, causing me to laugh against his lips. I looked up at him and smiled. “I love you,” I whispered softly.

“I love you too,” Spencer smiled before kissing me again.

{***}{***}{***}

The following morning Spencer and I were downtown. We didn’t have much to do, so we explored downtown while the holiday decorations were still up. Spencer was actually taking me to an after Christmas movie thing at a black and white theater. Our quiet laughter and conversation made me feel happy. Our conversations were mostly filled with the excitement of our new engagement and future wedding.

That was until I was stopped abruptly as we walked into a familiar man and woman. I stared at him, feeling a certain sickness rise in my stomach. Spencer’s arm went back around me in a protective manner. My body went frigid as I stared at the man and the woman, so I was thankful for Spencer’s embrace.

“Jasper,” I spoke, almost breathlessly. I swallowed roughly as I stared at them. Jasper was quiet for a long time. I knew for a fact he was pretending to not know who I was. But he 100% knew who I was, and who Spencer was.

 "I almost didn't recognize you," he laughed as he looked at me. I started back and held back the scoff. "You look so different,"

“Well, it’s been a year, so it doesn’t surprise me,” I looked at him and then at his wife. His pregnant wife. I only knew they were married now because of the ring she was nonchalantly showing off to Spencer and I. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought I was wallowing in pity for a full year. They’re probably both surprised by seeing me with Spencer, Jasper more than her. I bounced back from our spilt faster than he probably thought.

I ignored them and looked up at Spencer, who was staring at Jasper with such laser precision I swear he’d kill him. But, to be fair, Jasper was staring at Spencer with the same amount of hatred. I knew his wife was clearly uncomfortable with everything that was happening. I was uncomfortable. 

“Well, it was nice seeing you again,” Jasper looked at me with a smile that was faker than a Kardashian’s ass.

“We best be going now. Spencer and I have an appointment we can’t miss,” I spoke as he opened his mouth. It was obvious he wanted to have the first out, but we just spoke over each other. I looked up at Spencer before grasping his hand and pulling him past the couple. Not another word was spoken between us, and not another word will ever be spoken between us. But, that’s okay. I have all I could ever need or want.

I looked up at Spencer before looking back down at the ring on my finger. The ring that he placed there. This is a lot better than last Christmas, and I can’t wait for the rest of my Christmases to be with Spencer.

spencer taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​

[strangerfigs]

I don’t think mike and el making out in season 3 is a sign that the duffers don’t intend mike and el to be endgame. And I say this as someone who likes the idea of Byler too. I wasn’t even aware of this argument until I came to Byler tumblr. But a lot of people actually WERE into mike and el kissing in season 3. That’s how a lot of the crazie Fillie stans were born. Also, a lot of the audience was around the same age as Finn and Millie and definitely didn’t see it the same way older adults do. I mean just look at all the edits online. Their kissing didn’t destroy mlvn, it elevated Mlvn in a lot of people’s minds. And also many classic coming of age movies show teens making out. And certainly most modern shows (which obviously also show a lot ~worse) do as well! I feel like teens awkwardly making out is a common theme in lots of content. So I never understood when Bylers who were uncomfortable with it use it as evidence against Mlvn. Especially when they try to say it shows that Mike is secretly gay and not bi or straight. I mean it looked like he enjoyed it to me. The duffers could have just been pulling from classic 80s influences and intended in on a surface level

I think the demographics tend to lean more towards older audience though, so a lot of people were uncomfortable ? i remember that being a big complaint. like this show wasn’t rly intended for like children? also there is just a large difference between a 13 and 16 year old, even millie forgot that they were only 13 and making out lol. i know it’s realistic but it’s weird but honestly my post was mostly a joke, tbh. I just think it’s funny ~

edit: I also think personally the percentage of people who liked milk/fillie more because of this was less than the percentage of ppl who were made uncomfortable by it. also the gen audience, at least the intended gen audience; is 18-24. so it’s just… idk. lol like i think honestly my theory still isn’t that crazy. like it’s definitely a THEORY but - yeah. and also, like, a lot of times in tv shows, actors who play 16 year olds aren’t typically 16… so it just ?? is weird. tbh. like the whole thing was just strange to watch.

[whaleofatjme1920]

HEY B GIMMIE THAT SWEET SWEET RIVAL MATCHUP U ALREADY KNO

You already know who this is but ill still give u a hot rundown: My names Ally, im 20 years old 5’7’’ and a Leo/year of the dragon/INFP. She/They pronouns and im Pansexual but i dont think that matters much in this situation >:P. Appearance wise i have shoulder length curly red hair and green/grey eyes, suuuuper pale skin and freckles. Im def an ambivert, very protective of people who mean alot to me and kind of sharp tempered, especially when people start talking about shit they dont know anything about. Im also a pretty big perfectionist and people pleaser and will beat the FUCK outta myself if i feel like i let people down or made people upset when i could have helped it. But thats all about me, heres those wacky questions!

- Stated before, but im an August Leo! I would say my aura would probably be a pinkish/ purple color? For dislikes i def dont like bitter foods, being too hot, rumors, people talking behind my back, ppl who act like they know what theyre talking about, ppl cutting me off when i lose my train of thought, conservatives, not caring about climate change/the planet in general, tight or restrictive clothes, not having enough time in the day, capitalism, ect. Honestly the most off the wall thing for me that would make me throw hands on sight would probably be someone saying some shit about my close friends behind their back to me.

- Once when I was 14 me and about 10 other people squeezed into a mini van at about 3am and drove around the town, not a single one of us had a license or were over the age of 16, and we were all ridiculously drunk and high the entire time (except the driver. we were underage, not stupid). After driving halfway across the island we got pulled over by cop on the interstate, and he walked up to the car, looked at the driver, then into the passenger seat and saw literally 10 KIDS OBVIOUSLY DRINKING and the car absolutely reeked of bud, then looked back at the driver and simply told him “Your tail light is out. Get home safe” and drove away. Ive never seen god faster than that moment LMAO

- I could never willingly fight a raccoon, youre sick for suggesting that >:/ They are precious boys and ive saved too many from drowning in my pool for me to lay a finger on one. And as for dealbreakers? My biggest one in a relationship is cheating, but thats pretty basic LMAO. I would also say one that’s definitely second in rank would be expecting someone to stay the same through out the relationship and getting upset when the person changes. We are human beings and developing and growing, if you dont support me in that nothing is going to work. I explained a bunch of things i dislike in people above, but ill also add in here people who hurt animals in any way/ litter for no reason. If one of my friends throws a piece of trash out of my car im slammin on the brakes and youre getting out and picking it up. And god forBID you touch an animal around me il doing whatever you did to it to yourself no hesitation.

- I would hate being stuck in a room with anyone, i have decently bad claustrophobia and if we were in there for more than a day i would start bugging out LOL But probably the worst type of person would be someone who just doesn’t shut up and trys to act like they know everything. Those are like, the most insufferable people to me. ESPECIALLY if theyre wrong and refuse to admit it. Whenever i think of being locked in a room, somehow i always imagine like a dark navy blue room with one small window and completely empty floors and walls, everything made out of carpet. Dont ask me why, i have absolutely no clue.

my feed back is ily bitch gimmie a good one i wanna fight a bitch

Your enemy is… Eyeless Jack!

In general:

I told you this yesterday but I wasn’t expecting you to send this in and must've spent like 5 straight minutes wheezing reading this. My gut reaction was Jeff, but based on what you wrote about the room, I’m going to say your enemy is actually Eyeless Jack!

Things he doesn’t like about you and how he pisses you off:

EJ doesn’t like that you’re a Leo. I’m not elaborating on that. He’s such a cold, clinical, heartless bastard that everything you are just goes against whatever tf he actually believes and acts as. I feel like you being a perfectionist would just brush against his perfectionist tendencies and habits. He’d say everything you’re doing is wrong. Just a dick. EJ may or may not exploit your weaknesses but that’s just because he thinks it’s fun and doesn’t like you.

EJ is a god of knowing what he’s talking about and it leads to this cocky, know it all attitude. It’s gonna brush you the wrong way. He knows that and takes joy in it. He will always attempt to one up you in knowledge and grin when he sees you falter. On the other end, if you catch him off guard he’s gonna be SO MAD. He will purposely turn up the heat in your presence just to make you upset. He will breathe down your neck and get in your personal space just to make you more uncomfortable. EJ isn’t anywhere NEAR a conservative or a climate change denier but he will take those positions just to make you mad and laugh over your attempts at arguing with him. Like Jeff, he’s a huge devil’s advocate and will start shit just because he can. I don’t actually think he’d talk about your friends negatively in front of you though, but he would definitely say stuff about you to your face.

EJ thinks it’s stupid you drank underage and will poke that memory. He will use insults about alcohol and the brain despite drinking a ton himself. If you call him out on it, he will fold. Literally throw everything he says about you back at him and he will get puffy and fast. EJ can’t always handle change that well so like, he’s a stubborn guy. Despite how logical he can be and how smart he is, socially he is so uncouth!! EJ doesn’t litter so you don’t have to worry about that but he’s definitely gonna do things that push your buttons, mostly say things that put you off. He’s not claustrophobic. He will put you in situations like that just because he can. The dark navy blue of his mask is going to haunt you. EJ will act like a god in your presence and snarl when you dare question his abilities. CALL HIM OUT. HUMBLE HIM PLEASE.

He agrees on the raccoon thing ngl. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but EJ has such a soft spot for animals - mostly birds - but he can’t fault you for the raccoon thing. He's also not too fond of litter so he has to agree with you on that one too.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things:

Knowing you for as long as I have, I was so, so ready to actually put you with Jeff. However, the more I read into this the more my intuition screeched that you would actually throw hands with EJ and I find that HILARIOUS. Just the arguments between you and this tall, muscular demon man is just - “what? What? WHAT” It’s beautiful. I’m serious, Merida vs. a literal demon. That’s all. Ily. <3

[genshinconfessions]

off-topic but i am tired and procrastinating

idk if yall ever get tired of us (mostly me) being like ‘take care of yourself’ or ‘real life should be your priority’ or in general crashing the party saying things like that.

but i really just want to say that i sometimes look at the profiles of ppl who follow us or like our posts, and they’re all super super young. like i keep seeing ‘i’m 15 years old!’ or ‘i’m only 17 so please be nice’ or just even ‘minor’ and it makes me feel like a parent like

i feel like i should be protecting yall kids from smth idk LOL but like we have certainly gotten very heated opinions and during our most heated arguments, we actually had ppl send in death threats and just stuff that’s not appropriate at all.

keith and karfield are gonna make fun of me if they ever read the blog and see this post LOL but i am old and also tired and ALSO procrastinating on everything i need to do (which is a lot) so here i am.

but no like i think when i was about yall’s age on the internet, i didn’t really have many ppl on the internet telling me that i should prioritize real life, or that some things just aren’t good to say/pick up/imitate, or anything like that. like yeah obviously i knew, my parents told me, and i’m sure certain ppl did tell me similar things but i just, i don’t remember ppl being like ‘hey you’re 15? okay we won’t talk about stuff that might not be good for you to think’.

this is a really long-winded way of saying that i think ppl our age tend to forget that not only young adults (and i mean ADULTS) play genshin, that there is a large population of minors playing it as well. like, the game is rated 12+ (and before, it was 9+ so we have a bunch of really really young kids here too), and you really cannot ignore that.

you can say that genshin’s a friendly game and that there’s not going to be anything harmful, words or content or anything, but what about the fandom? like many many of our anons have said, the genshin community can be quite toxic, especially on places like twitter, and i

i just worry about yall sometimes :/

and like i’m saying this because i was also super into things when i was in middle school and high school and i would get super defensive if anyone said anything about it that i deemed negative (even if it wasn’t) and it’s just, if no one ever calls you out on it, you keep thinking that way, and that’s not a healthy mindset.

and that’s really just one example out of many, but this is really long and yall are probably tired of it LOL and i do have work to do. but really, i just want to say that as a somewhat-mature person, i get it. being in that in-between, not-quite-old-enough stage sucks (okay, and there’s a lot of hormones at work, which causes the whole thing in the first place).

but i just want yall to realize that you cannot get every single person to like you or your opinions, and sometimes other people are the fools and it’s genuinely not worth trying to convince them otherwise. and also that not everyone in real life is as mean as ppl online in a toxic place, and it’s very isolating to still be stuck in a toxic mindset (even if you didn’t mean to develop it) when everyone else has moved on.

i also agonized about saying this or not but i’m going to: it is not imperative to spend money on something you like (cough genshin). i know some ppl do have the money to spend and don’t mind it so i’m really talking to the ppl who feel guilty about it. like yes it’s your money (or your parents’ money idk LOL) so ofc you get to choose how to spend it but you 1. should never place undue financial burdens upon yourself for a game and 2. shouldn’t feel guilty about spending or not spending anything.

if you spend, you’ve spent it and it’s done, it’s over with, just enjoy your pulls and if you still feel bad, reflect upon your actions on what to do next time. if you don’t spend, don’t let anyone shame you into spending money on a game for characters who are not real.

idk i just feel like there are so many whales on youtube and ppl comment things making fun of f2p players and i just feel like it’s normalized for ppl to spend money on games and that doesn’t cast a good message. yes i may be poor lol but just, agh man idk, there’s really no shame in not spending money on a game, guys, and i want you to know that.

because i wish there was someone to tell me that when i was younger :( and there just wasn’t.

anyway it’s Late late and i have a bunch of work to be done. i will not be deleting this unless it like super offends someone because even if it touches one person, it’ll be worth it. if that’s too cheesy, i spent like half an hour writing this so no i’m not going to delete it lmao i worked hard on this.

- katheryne from liyue

[btsandvmin]

This is not really an ask but my view on vmin I feel like tae had or may be still has some sort of crush on jimin I mean his words to jimin are always so loving but then he doesnt show a lot of pda to jimin whereas he seems comfortable with other members Even when jimin is being touchy tae sometimes seems so cold that ppl even say jimin is forcing himself on to tae One particular moment is when tae had a nightmare n went to jimin for comfort this doesnt make sense if tae hates jimin

I mostly agree with your view, though it is of course very brief and Vmin are very complex, especially over time.

I think we can safely say none of the boys hate anyone in the group. That’s not the issue. Things can be awkward even if there isn’t hate involved. The reason for Vmin’s behavior could have many reasons and is a difficult topic. But of course I have my own possible theories.

Vmin contradict themselves constantly... Which is one of the most odd things about them and one of the things that makes me react to Vmin more than other ships. BTS are their own people, but Jimin and Taehyung both are normally very comfortable with both affectionate touch and fanservice. They are probably two of the members that are the most touchy, and are so with most other members to different degrees (though some like Yoongi might not always appriciate it).

As for Taehyung’s reactions to Jimin’s PDA he seems to mostly just accept it, but not really always react much. Though he has his moments when he just goes along with is and is happy as can be. Especially this seems to be the case when they are high on emotions. Happy or sad. It could be a case of less control and simply not having the mind to worry about what they look like.

Even other shippers seem to think Tae had or has some sort of crush on Jimin, but to be fair we have moments of Taehyung acting a bit like this with other members as well, like Hobi or JK. I personally think his behavior in regards to Jimin is both more biased and more consistant through the years though. Even if the way he shows it might have shifted, becoming a little less possessive and more soft and simply focused on Jimin. Basically “In Taehyung’s head there is only me (Jimin)” moments.

As for PDA Vmin has a lot of it, just like other members, but indeed Taehyung seems to initiate a lot less with Jimin than any other members, and that is weird. Especially since he didn’t seem to have much problem with it in the early days. And of course as you mention, there are still many things they do that seem to indicate the opposite of being uncomfortable with skinship. For example sharing beds (we know Taehyung likes to cuddle) and Tae specifically seeking out Jimin when he had a nightmare etc. Newer moments as well, like in BV4 and ITS.

And their words of being best friends and even soulmates, in contrast with their weird behavior of either acting cold or (as in some examples with Jimin) pushing each other away some people take as a change towards dislike or being uncomfortable. It doesn’t seem to add up looking at how they used to be and how they are with other members. But this would require a lot of lying, and include things like forcing Vmin to release “Friends” or call each other best friends and act closer than they are. Which just seems like a very unlikely move.

BUT here I think it is important to look at the time... Because Vmin changed around 2016-17 according to most people. We had BST promo, ISAC and BV2 in Hawaii with Taehyung’s letter. A lot of strong indicators of Vmin being closer than ever (in timing with the dumpling incident that Vmin themselves have said brought them closer). They got softer, and fought less acording to themselves. They seemed possibly glued together at times.

Vmin in 2017 and 2018 is where most would say they seemed less close, drifted apart or basically got annoyed and didn’t like each other anymore. But again, these weird behaviors are still now in 2020 present, on and off. One moment they can’t shut up about each other and the next they seem almost cold.

I honestly can’t see their weird behavior being based in something bad going on between them, simply because all the good indicators are too strong, many and unneccessary. You don’t write songs, wear matching necklacess, design phone cases, comfort when they cry or start holding hands every chance you get with a person you have had a falling out with. Not to mention again, Vmin themselves mentioned getting closer in 2016 and started to call each other soulmates in 2017. Doing that and suddenly going to hating each other while still showing lots of love and intimate moments through all these years just doesn’t make sense to me personally. Not even simply being uncomfortable because of each other seems to be true, as if you truly are uncomfortable with something it usually remains so and you would stop. Instead Vmin keeps being inconsistant, keep initiating but backing off at times. If they knew one of them didn’t feel comfortable they would notice and stop pushing, it likely wouldn’t go back and forth and change from even one minute to the next.

If Vmin are acting weird I see two most likely reasons: 

1. They are holding back and are a bit unsure of what to show and aren’t always on the same page.

2. The reason for looking uncomfortable or acting the way they do has more to do with other things, aka. the context of the moments can be the reason and not Vmin specifically. For example just mood, an argument, who is present etc.

Both of these can of course apply no matter if it is platonic or not. But in the end the main thing I have personally come to take out of it all is that Vmin act weird and it doesn’t seem to be because of something bad. At least not something consistantly wrong between them.

There are too many small moments of love and seeking or giving affection very comfortably between them for this to be a general change between the two. Not to mention this isn’t the only weird and contradicting thing when it comes to Jimin and Taehyung. We know they express how much they love each other a lot, and we know they are very physically intimate people so I see it as the odd moments of coldness or pushing each other away are the ones out of the norm for them. The ones that goes against their first instincts of just being touchy. Especially since there seems to also be moments when they first do touch but then after a while either pulls back or pushes back the other.

In the end there are these things to consider:

1. Vmin act weird when it comes to initiating or recieving touch from each other at times despite seeming to be fine with other members.

2. It wasn’t always like this and most people would say it changed around 2017.

3. Even since then and until now there are many moments that contradict each other. Both in words and moments of extreme physical intimacy.

4. There is no reason to push themselves to do all the things they do if they truly didn’t like it or felt uncomfortable with it. After this long they would more likely stop trying if that was the case.

Basically Vmin weird, but Vmin also love.

Thanks for the not ask. I am glad when I see many others sharing similar views and looking at Vmin deeper while still trusting their bond. :)

[ouyangzizhensdad]

Sorry but to the anon, it's very clear ure very white or grew up in west... for you kind information very few asians first cdrama was untamed. As for me pointing out the difference between western way of making things emotionally and asian things of emotional is very different. For most asian cultures parents are the most important thing ever and this is why the leads with no or one parent is very indicative of what kind of life they will have. In most western dramas it's not as important to keep in contact with parents and in most they dont even introduce them at all. Emotions are felt and shown different in different cultures. I'm south asian, and to me the recarination and second life of main leads doesnt really make it fantasy and sometimes it's what the belief system of the culture is so its accepted. While I've seen ppl being annoyed abt rebirth or soulmate culture in western fandoms of different things I love (j/k/c entertainment or bollywood)

Hi anon,

I have said before that I am white and grew up in the West--I haven’t made that a secret. I didn’t suggest that Asians’ first cdrama was CQL. I only said : “I don’t like speculating too much about anons, where they are coming from and what they’ve consumed as media” which simply meant, I do not not them (or you?) so I can’t tell where they (or you) are coming from. It was an admission that while I’m a little stumped by the argument, I cannot derive a life experience from it alone and do not wish to pretend that I can.

I think where we seem to disagree is that you’ve taken my off-the-cuff point about the rain machine as a wholesale condemnation of a trope. My point is more about how the execution of these tropes, which I know are emotional, fail in actually moving me because of the technical aspects or the care put into the scenes. It’s a commentary about the directing, editing, sound design, soundtrack, the finesse of the storytelling. I can see why this could be read as a White person being dismissive and saying Wow they’re dumb for thinking rain is Sad, and perhaps I should be more careful of my wording even with my shitposting. But what I meant to say is that tropes are basically a function of semiotics and repetition: and how a particular iteration of the trope is done can be successful or fail when it comes to the goal towards which it was used. And it’s not even talking about how signs (ie “rain” in this context) have multiple significations attached to them, the same way colours have different associations within the same culture: again, it requires work to fully navigate these elements and know how to use them to full effect. It’s part of the craft of a creative.

Some of the fault can lie solely on the audience member for failing to grasp the association but some of it has to do with how the creatives wielded the trope. The trope is tool, a framework, it has to be interpreted and integrated into the work. And my point about shows like SHL and CQL is that sometimes their use of tropes feels very much like a crutch: like you can simply add rain to a scene and immediately it will be sad and moving. I think the point of the other anon concerning this is that if people defend the technical aspects/storytelling of shows like SHL/CQL where the primary concern was clearly never about telling the most intricate or well-executed story in the first place, is that it sort of lumps together all Chinese content regardless of their quality or the goals of their creative teams into the argument of “you’re not getting that it’s actually well done because you’re not Chinese/Asian”. 

Again, I’m not disagreeing with you that there are differences in cultural works and cultural knowledge. In my other post I was pointing out that crying in the rain is a trope that exists very predominantly in western works as well--although yes, the common iterations of the trope in the West might differ and its effects as well, I’ll concede that--because I think sometimes we get a little too hung up on being different that we might miss where things can be similar or that there are a lot more nuances. With the examples I wasn’t trying to argue that these works are better than Chinese works, I just used the first two that came up to mind (and that I knew would be on youtube) to show how much more care it is possible to read into the directing and technical execution of these scenes, and how much the execution has been tailored to the specific narrative or character moment, to the point where even the sound design is used to pull you as an audience into the pov of the character and heighten the emotional connection--as opposed to the autopsy of the crying in the rain scene in SHL for example, where it’d harder to take a specific camera movement for instance and associate it with an effect or see how they’ve thought about how to specifically film this specific emotional moment instead of just a general emotional moment. I’m sure if I go back and rewatch some cdramas or cmovies I’ve watched in the past I could remember a scenes of people crying in the rain that were better executed and do a similar autopsy than I did for those two examples.

All in all, while I can be wrong and misguided, my point is simply that I don’t think in this case that the wholesale argument of “you weren’t moved because you do not get the cultural context” fully works because it assumes that any crying-in-the-rain scene regardless of how well filmed and directed it is would be inherently emotional for a Chinese audience. It’s an argument that is mostly about film-making techniques, and how it can lead people to be lazy in how they wield tropes, not about the trope itself.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Actually for me it's pretty weird that the most popular ship in Free! is Makoharu. I mean, they give me like zero romantic vibes, if not Rinharu I would've definitely shipped Sourin. It's the main reason I hated Sousuke when I watched 2nd season for the first time - I saw him as a threat for Rinharu (now I just don't like him that much, but I decided to let Rin has his best friend, lol). Maybe it's just me loving rivals to lovers :)

Well.. for me Free! was never that kind of anime where there are other ships, but honestly after several years of watching anime and lately discovering that people ship Wei Wuxian with Jiang Cheng I kinda lost my faith in people lol And yes, I also truly don’t get those ships, where there are zero romantic vibes, but I got used to seeing this already.

I think I’ve talked about Makoharu only once, I usually don’t do it cause as a ship it’s so illogical to me that I just don’t see the point of wasting time on this lol I feel like it’s gonna be long answer so I’ll split it and after “***” I’ll talk about my bro-rinharu-shipper Sousuke.

I’m not gonna throw a debate if it’s the most popular ship or not, but I just want to say that I don’t think that it's really called shipping Makoto and Haru, since firstly, let’s talk about Makoto as a character (which is the main problem in this whole thing tbh) cause from what I saw the Makoto the MH fandom created has nothing to do with the real Makoto. Like the dude is scared of dogs, ghosts, bees, water and I forgot what else; covers his eyes when he sees anyone even in swim trunks and gets embarrassed easier than a nun (apparently you can’t even unbutton the collar of your freaking jacket!!!!!!!!!!! oh lord!!!!!!); crumbles under everyone in this anime including Hiyori and can’t even talk back. 

And suddenly like half of this fandom thinks that Makoto is a dominant top apparently. We seriously laughed our asses off seeing that, I mean even my mom (who’s a teacher btw). I’m like... I have a sister who’s majored in psychology and I myself in literature (like I seriously promise we ain’t stupid) and we just seriously don’t understand.. In what Tarzan’s ass does he suit this description? Dude can’t even answer properly while being offended. Like maybe they like Makoto’s twin brother? Because real Makoto does not have any dangerous dark side, seriously, this ain’t “8 dogs of the east” lmao.

I appreciate their friendship at times, but I never was a fan of him, because I don’t really like people who treat everyone equally (friends and strangers) and think that some asshole deserves as much love as the closest friend. I just don’t understand this life position and don’t like those “world peace” guys anyway. I mean, that fish died moment in the books was when my brain died honestly. Like I get it, dude is sensitive, but... seriously?

And for me being kind is not really a personality. I mean, hell, sometimes it’s no good to be kind. There is a fine line between being kind and being a mop you know.

And sometimes his behavior is really cringy to me. Like during the funeral and during Haru passing out in the book and during many things that are very serious. I just don’t think he’s the person you can rely on at times. I mean at first I thought he’s a steady shoulder, but somehow in all serious situations he doesn’t do anything useful.

Like I might be in the minority here, but to me when you know very well that you panic in the ocean you don’t go there trying to save somebody, it’s not brave, it’s just plain stupid (like it’s not like the tent was far, it was fucking next to him, all he had to do is wake up a pro) so by the end we had to rescue two instead of one, just because he’s dumb af.

He also panics a lot which I really hate on people. I’m sorry but like panicking ppl are the only worst. It reminds me of one of my life situation when my sister was badly hurt and we needed to keep our heads cool to act quickly and do what was necessary asap. And I’ve seen ppl behave like Makoto in situations like this and man it’s seriously no fun, it’s annoying. Like when you need to help somebody and someone panics beside you it pisses you off. And he does it even in little things like when he yelled Haru in the ear while driving JUST BECAUSE A CAR IN FRONT OF THEM BRAKED I mean omfg I would seriously yell “shut the fuck up, you pussy!”

And it all honestly keeps getting worse and worse like the way he’s written, his behavior just buffles me so much. Makoto in s3 just murdered me tbh. Like he didn’t help with anything, he didn’t bring anything to the plot, you can just erase him, he only sat there anyways. And the way they pulled his “dream” out of his ass was just a second-hand embarrassment tbh. And he’s not even Haru’s emotional support anymore. He’s just... I don’t get it. There were literally scenes where he was third-wheeling or just forced into that looked laughable. 

Which brings me to the second point. From what I saw many of Makoharu fans are mostly Makoto fans, so they just want what’s good for him, and since he has no life goals whatsoever (like after he dropped his “I dream of making children like swimming” thingy like a hot potato and was like “training children.. but look at Rin and Haru” I really lost my last marbles watching him) they apparently don’t care for what Haru’s dream is and that he said openly that he wants a future with Rin.

Like I get that everyone has their tastes, but like what.. two people who are crazy about each other since twelve and blossomed a dream of having a future together and the thought of being with each other got them through and they finally have what they wanted.. this is not a trend anymore? Mutual romantic love is not a trend anymore? Like I even without novelization can see that (and I quote Rin word for word here) that “every time he sees Haru his heart beats so fast he can’t calm down” and quote “Haru sees Rin and he’s shaking, he closes his eyes desperately trying get rid of the image, but the pain in his chest doesn’t go away”.

I am personally very happy that Rinharu are finally together and will be doing what they wanted in their life by each other’s side, cause they’ve been dreaming about it for too long, they’ve been thinking about it for  years. So not wanting them to have that is very weird for me. And the argument that Makoto somehow better than Rin for Haru is so invalid, I always laugh. I guess it depends on what you want for yourself. But honestly like you guys better find someone who make you want to reach for the stars and make you heart skip a bit everytime you see him.

So I as a huge fan of Haru want my boy to fly and now I have all the canon proof for those who were blind that Rin is the only one (been said) who makes him feel that way. So all those anons who kept writing to me how relay with Sosuke, with Rei and what baffled me the most swimming with Ikuya was just as emotional for them can finally shut it (lmao I’m sorry).

***

Now... Sousuke, my bro, the first Rinharu shipper on the village who helped them to get together is a threat? Okay. Well, I actually like s2, there are some dumb episodes but s2 actually to me showed how rinharu relationships are different from anyone else. There are literally two whole episodes and several scenes of how the bROMANCE prevails over BROmance.

Sousuke and Rin have typical brothers relationship. From their secret handshakes “parent trap” style to the fact that they draw them exactly the same with his real brother. I mean I don’t know if anyone noticed, but in 3x11 they drew Sousuke doing the exact same teasing move with Rin, that his older brother did to him in 3x01, and it’s definitely not a coincidence. Which means he treats him like his little bro, and not just that. I have lots of proof.

You know, I had a friend back at university who had an older brother who she was very close with and she kept telling me about how he kept testing her boyfriends if they’re good enough... I mean Sousuke was doing it with Haru since Rin has told him that he has found his one and only. And it never ever looked like he was possessive of Rin and was like “he’s mine”, it was always like “he’s yours so make sure you make him happy you loser”, he even stalked Haru to see if he still swims alright which is really funny (like okay dad), so by the end of the season when Rin lovingly looks at Haru and says it was all worth it, Sousuke looks very content like he was sure that they’re all good now.

And that moment like in Yakusoku where Rin dropped Sousuke as soon as he saw Haru, I honestly don’t think it’s the kind of jealousy people think it is. It’s like if I asked my sister “do u want to see the new avengers movie” and she’d answer “sorry, I already promised to go with my boyfriend” (not that this would ever happen, but let’s imagine that she found herself her nanase) I would be fucking upset too, but I would kinda get it (if it’s a love of her life I mean). Or like literally imagine you lived with your best friend for years and suddenly she wants to move in with he boo. I mean it happens sometimes. But it’s not the jealousy really, he’s just sad because he knows that he needs to let Rin go and he won’t spend as much time with him as he did before. Sousuke knows how much Rin loves Haru, plus after he saw that Haru is as good as Rin told him, he started to like him himself so he was worried about both of them. 

And I love Sousuke, he’s our godmother. I’d rather have him on the international team than Ikuya but he sadly he doesn’t swim breaststroke or back and we only have one butterfly and one freestyle spot xD

I’m sincerely saying as a person with two siblings that I really don’t see it. It’s just there’s a huge difference between brothers and lovers. And you can’t call Harurin bros. It’s just laughable. Even if you haven’t read anything and just watched the anime.

I mean I think it’s easier to see if you try to imagine Haru in Sousuke’s place in any Sourin scene and see how it would’ve went then. Like do you remember when Sousuke asked for cola and Rin went to get one and there was only one can left so they rock-paper-scissored it and Rin won and drank it?

Now imagine if Haru was there in Sousuke’s place. I can tell you 100% that Rin would’ve just given him the can. And then he would’ve looked at him with that face he makes when he’s content just by watching Haru eat, you know.

I mean it just how I see it. And there are a lot of comparable scenes in s2 that bring me lots of evil joy, but I won’t tell lmao.

But as I said before to me there’s a huge difference between bromances and bromances. So I mostly don’t get most of these ships. I don’t understand anything in this world apparently lol but I only see Rinharu since the first time I’ve watched it, and then I’ve read everything and realized that I’m right, so I’m ok with all this xD 

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Azula Week 2020: Day 7 - Repaired

Prompt: Success Pair: N/A Song: 69feetofsmoke - Ppl That I Luv

Summary: Zuko comes across Azula's paintings and sketchbook and finds startling self-portraits. 

The paintbrush slashes across the canvas leaving a thick and heavy trail of black. One harsh, angry brushstroke after another and another and another and…

Red comes next, vivid and bright. There is nearly as much red as there is black. It is thrown and spattered by flicks of the brush from a distance.

A touch of gold. Only the faintest trace of it.

The painting is cast to the side amid the rest of them. She curls herself up on the bed feeling drained. She is well aware that painting shouldn’t leave her feeling such. But it always does.

Azula has become a ghost of herself. Zuko sees it in her dulled eyes, in her loose stance and her slouched sitting posture. He sees it in her disheveled robes and her disarrayed hair. Sees it in her paled skin and hears it in the dejected way she speaks.

She hasn’t been the same since their Agni Kai. She isn’t as unkind, on some days she is actually rather pleasant to talk to, but she is deeply sad. Even when she smiles it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I’m fine, Zuzu.” She insists again. They sit in the shade of a dragon maple.

“You aren’t acting like yourself.”

“Everybody wanted me to change.”

He presses his lips together. He hates when she does that. Even if she doesn’t mean anything by it. Even if she only means to lay down facts as she sees them. He never knows how to reply to that because she isn’t entirely wrong, but she is missing some critical aspects. “That’s not what I mean.” He finally settles.

“Then what do you mean?” She asks, eyes fixed on her hands, clasped atop her knee.

“You just seem...really...unhappy.”

“I’m fine.” She repeats as though rehearsed. She does this a lot too, has him talking in circles.

“I just want you to be okay.”

“I am.”

He has to hold back a frustrated sigh. He has run out of things to say. But he doesn’t think that it is a good idea to leave them in silence. “The pond looks nice today. Katara said that she saw you decorating it?”

Azula shrugs. “I moved a few rocks around because I didn’t like where they were placed.” She pauses. “And I thought that a couple of fire lilies would look nice around it.”

He recalls that her bedroom window faces the pond and wonders if this is a small way of trying to lighten her mood.

“It does look nice.” He smiles. She doesn’t return the smile.

.oOo.

It feels weird talking to them. Talking to any of them. Every time she begins to feel secure, like she might be fully accepted, she makes a mess of it. And it is usually over the most mundane and trivial things.

Today’s argument has an extra bite considering that she’d taken something positive and turned it sour.

“You’re really going to choose flowers over people!?” Katara asks.

“They’re just flowers” Mai adds nonchalantly, “Sokka did even know that they were yours.”

Azula fixes him with a cross stare, his arm is slung over Suki’s shoulder. Suki who now wears Azula’s fire lilies in her hair. They aren’t just flowers. They are her flowers. Were her flowers and they made it, if only a little, easier to pull herself out of bed. They gave her something pretty to look at. They made her feel as though she could create something beautiful. She folds her arms across her chest. But even when she does create something beautiful it becomes vile in the end. “They were mine.” She says flatly.

“They were in the palace gardens.” Zuko says gently.

“Which are also mine.”

Zuko sighs, presses his hands together, and holds them to the bridge of his nose. “They’re my gardens too and…”

“And what!?” Azula asks. “And I think that you’re overreacting, a little.” He replies.

“A little?” Mai quirks a brow. “They’re a bundle of flowers, she can grow more.”

Azula clenches her fists beneath the table. “I shouldn’t have to. People should know better than to touch what belongs to me. They should know better than to disrespect…” She hisses.

“I didn’t even know that they were yours!” Sokka throws his hands up.

They are all looking at her. Glaring at her with such hatred and aggravation.

“Ya know we’re trying so hard to be nice to you.” Katara interjects. “We don’t have to and we really shouldn’t. You’re lucky that we’re giving you a second chance.”

But she feels neither lucky nor like she truly does have a chance. In fact, all she feels right now is anxious and angry. But she thinks that she might be angry at herself. She buches the fabrics of her robes beneath the table.

“And you aren’t even putting in any effort!” Toph declares.

“We thought you changed.” TyLee adds softly.

“Who gets mad over flowers?” Suki mutters. “I thought that they were pretty enough to wear.”

Azula bites the inside of her cheek, she hadn’t thought of that. Hadn’t considered that she had created something beautiful after all. Something so beautiful that someone wanted to wear it. Beautiful enough that it could have created joy for someone else. And suddenly she agrees with them, that she has made a problem out of nothing at all. Suddenly she feels horrible.

“They were my flowers…” Is all she manages.

She wants to cry, but, Agni, she can’t do it now. Not in front of so many enemies, especially ones that already gnash at her with razor teeth. She gnaws her lip that much harder. She can feel the tears building behind her eyes and they keep talking. She isn’t quite listening but they are still talking and they are still chastising.

She feels like a little girl. She feels pathetic and immature and an assortment of other dismal things. She can’t cry and she can’t look away, she is already being ridiculed enough. She feels as though they are closing in on her, she has to take her mind somewhere else… She has too…

The heat comes to her fingers before the tears have a chance to come to her eyes. She presses her fingers into her forearm and heats them much further. Everyone hates her again, they probably always will. She keeps her mind fixed on the burning sensation. It isn’t potent enough yet so she heats her fingers further still.

“Azula!” Zuko is loud enough to break through her concentration.

She stands up and pushes her chair in. She thanks Agni that her sleeves are long enough to cover the burn marks beneath. It isn’t as though she hasn’t done this before. She’d just never done it with other people in the room.

“Azula, we’re not done talking.”

But she is. She is done with a lot of things; hope and creating joys for herself among them. She pulls out her sketchbook and a fountain pen and begins slashing at the paper.

.oOo.

Azula’s room is vacant when he comes to check on her an hour later. The servants assure him that she has gone for her bath. He seats himself upon her bed. An hour later he sighs to himself, he is nodding off. He forgets how long she takes in the bath.

He stands to stretch his legs when he glances at her nightstand. At first he thinks that it is a journal, and in some sense it might be. It rests face up and open, an image done with thick ink. He knows that he ought not to, especially since their entire argument just hours ago had been about touching her belongings. But curiosity gets the better of him. He takes note of the picture she’d left open and flips to the first page. This one is just as dark, maybe more so.

The ink is applied so heavily that he can see indents on the page beneath it. The figure is hunched over, its face obscured. A plethora of weaponry juts from its back. Some arrows and a few throwing stars, but mostly there are knives. Red ink is used generously.

He turns the page to see another figure this one also has its face obscured, this time by hair. But he can sense the wild eyed gaze beneath. It wraps its arms around itself, nails clawing into its skin. Azula’s artistic talent is so much that it almost feels real, like he is looking at actual flesh that is being gripped to tightly. All around the figure are shadows, faintly human in shape, some are only hands.

The next page is much simpler; another dark-haired figure but the face is violently scribbled out. And the one next to it is similar but instead of ink, Azula blotted the face with paint. Deep, dark, paint.

The fifth image reveals a face. It’s eyes are dark and empty. There is such a deep sadness in them. He wasn’t aware that a single painting could convey such an emotion. He is so distracted by the face reveal that he almost doesn’t notice that the rest of the figure is in shambles. It’s right leg is seperated at the knee and the left is obviously broken. The left arm is twisted and bent. And its right arm is cracked and covering a large hole on its head, the cracks spiderweb onto the forehead. There is no blood, somehow this leaves him more unsettled. In the teeniest font at the bottom of the page he sees the word, ‘broken’.

He quickly flips the page. This one is not much better. Fierce and angry golden eyes look up at him. Golden eyes... The figure emits such an air of hatred that he almost closes the sketchbook as he should. But he can’t tear his eyes away. It is bleeding, its throat slashed from side to side and its wrists mutilated. Zuko finds more tiny writing. ‘Deserved.’

He comes to the page he’d first happened upon. The newest one. The worst one. It is the same figure, this time its eyes look dead and empty, thick black ink runs down its cheeks. It holds a dagger in its right hand, it’s blade adorned with red ink. The figure is naked and upon its stomach is the word, ‘monster’. His stomach sinks, in an instant he becomes aware that he has been referring to the figure as ‘it’. It is a human. It is undeniably a twisted, mutilated self portrait.

On her portrait self’s forehead, Azula had scrawled, ‘crazy’ and in smaller print, ‘lunatic’. It doesn’t matter where on the image he looks, it is full of words. Her left arm read, ‘disappointment’, ‘dishonor’,  ‘bitch’. and ‘hateful.’ Her right arm  is marred by, ‘ugly’, ‘damaged’, and ‘a mess.’

Her legs are decorated with various synonyms and the red ink drizzles down them pooling at her watercolor feet. Her chest is censored with two words, ‘heartless’ and ‘unlovable.’ The background is made of more words still but these are all overlapping one another so much that he can’t make out any of them. He doesn’t have to, to know that they are just as demeaning.

He looks back into those gold ink eyes. The sorrow within them is so complete that it is overwhelming. He hears footsteps and hustles to put the sketchbook back in its place. And pretends to be observing the dragon mural hanging at the other end of the room.

“What do you want, Zuzu?” She grumbles. Her hair is dripping, she smells like the bath she’d just taken. He might have mistook the grumble for an argumentative growl, but now it only seems dreary.

“Just to check on you.”

“For what?”

He shrugs. “I just. I know that it’s hard to try to fit in with a group of people that you hurt.”  He wants to bring up the sketchbook, but he isn’t sure how without rousing her temper.

She shrugs and sits herself back on the bed. Her eyes look nearly as vacant as they do in her portrait. “Are you okay.” He hears her insist that she’s fine in his head before she opens her mouth.

“Are you?” He asks with a pointed stare to her nightstand.

She goes very tense.

“I told you not to...we just fought over…” Her voice seems to catch. “You shouldn’t go through my things.”

“You left it on the nightstand…”

“You shouldn’t be in here at all.” Her demand lacks its usual sting.

He takes the sketchbook, “it’s not true, we don’t think those things about you.”

“You do think them.” She insists. “You just don’t say them. Not to my face. But I overhear Mai and Suki. I overhear the palace staff. Iroh…” She pauses.

His mind runs in circles trying to figure out which thing Iroh had said. Perhaps heartless...or crazy, he’d heard his uncle call her crazy before.

“I doesn’t matter anyways because even if you don’t, I…” she stops herself. Her eyes seem to go hollower still.

He rubs his hands over her face. “It wasn’t just about the flowers today, was it?” He asks.

“No.” She replies.

“What was it about?”

She waves her hand. “It doesn’t matter.”  Her head seems to droop ever so slightly. He’s going to lose her if he doesn’t do something.

“Will you come downstairs with me?”

“No.”

He takes her by the wrist and she flinches and pulls her hand out of his grasp. “Sorry,” he mutters, “I forgot that you don’t like to be touched.”  He furrows his brows. “What happened?”

.oOo.

She doesn’t resist as he takes her hand again to inspect it.

“No.” He shakes his head sadly. “No. Don’t don’t do this.” He gestures to the burn marks.

Usually when she makes him cry it is because she’d hurt him. She always imagined that he would be delighted to see her hurt. She isn’t sure why he isn’t thrilled. This is what he wanted, to see her fall and hit the bottom so that he could have the top.  

She doesn’t know why he is babbling apologies to her. He never did anything wrong. That is her job. She’s the cruel one. She’s the one who hurts people. She is hurting him now and all she had done was hurt herself.

He gives her a light shake. “Answer me?”

But she hasn’t much to say. He can pretend to care...he can actually care but it makes little difference when everyone else  hates her. When no one else does. In time, he’d be better off anyhow.

But he doesn’t let her go, Agni she wishes that he would. He only releases his hold to let her lie down but he doesn’t leave. Hours go by and he sits there quietly, occasionally nodding off. It makes her feel teary all over again, but she can’t distract herself with pain with him watching so closely.

Azula squeezes her eyes shut as the first few tears free themselves. She must have made the smallest noise because his hand now rubs small circles on her back. She tries to force herself to stop crying but his hand on her back only makes her weep harder.

And then harder still when she hears footsteps heading their way. She doesn’t know who it is, it doesn’t matter. One person seeing her like this is bad enough. “Is she gonna be okay?”

Zuko glances down at her. “I hope so, Ty.” He gives her a small nudge. “I want her to be okay.”

She swallows. She wants to be okay. But she isn’t, there isn’t one okay thing about her.

.oOo.

He can’t seem to get her to move, not for the first week. For the first week she stays in bed. During the middle of the second week is when she emerged. She was sluggish and untalkative, a silent presence at the breakfast table.

But he was thankful to see her at least up and about. He wasn’t sure exactly what had motivated her to finally leave her room. But, Agni, was he relieved. If he’d known she’d be joining them for breakfast, he would have had them cook her favorite, pancakes with mango slices mixed into the batter. An eccentric choice if he must say. He’d requested it for her the next morning.

Still she didn’t talk. She sat with them but her presence was like that of a specter or a doll. It is her sixth day of not speaking a word. He sits the pancake before her. This time she finishes a little more than half of it before staring blankly at it.

“Hey, let’s go for a walk?” He offers.

“To where?” She speaks up for the first time in ages. He never thought that he’d be so relieved to hear her voice.

“Just out back.” He smiles.

She looks around the table, “where is everyone?”

“Come on.” He helps her out of the chair and leads her outside.

.oOo.

She squints against the sunlight, she wants to go back to her room. Instead she lets Zuko lead her towards the palace gardens. They are all there; Mai, TyLee, the Avatar and his gang, and Iroh. The smell of tea, jasmine, she believes, dances on the breeze.

“What is this?” She mumbles.

The little crowd parts and she sees them. A dozen or so vividly orange fire lilies. She looks up at Zuko in both confusion and a sudden wave of distress. He must sense it on her because his hand is on her back again, “sit down and let Iroh pour you some tea.”

Azula feels shaky, she thinks that she ought to sit down. She lets Zuko lead her to the foldout table that Iroh has assembled. He pours her a cup and she takes it in her hands. She wishes that her hands weren’t trembling so obviously and that the tea cup in them didn’t make them tremble moreso.

“I’m sorry about the flowers.” Sokka says, “I didn’t realize that it bothered you that much.”

She shakes her head, “it wasn’t just about the flowers…” She pauses. She has already made herself plenty weak, they haven’t taken advantage of it yet. And so what if they do, they can’t make her feel too much worse than she already does. “They helped me wake up in the morning. To see them out there. And then I woke up and I didn’t see them…”

A little thing to latch onto. To keep her going and she couldn’t even have that. She rubs the petals of a new one between her fingers. But she does have that. Yet they aren’t the ones that she planted.

She swallows. They are the ones that were planted for her though. Maybe the thought that went into them has more weight. “Why?”

“Because you haven’t been okay for a long time and we want you to be okay.” Zuko says.

She hopes that she hasn’t told them about the sketchbook.  She stares into her empty tea cup. Iroh offers her a refill.

.oOo.

Things were different after that. Azula still didn’t talk very much in the beginning but she would tag along when they went out to eat or to see a play. She wouldn’t necessarily part take, but at least she was getting out of the palace.

He is surprised to see her on the beach, digging her toes into the sand. Every now and then she scoops a handful of it and watches it slip from the space in her fist to reach the ground it had come from.

He takes a seat next to her. “I can get you some ice cream, if you want.”

She stands up and brushes the sand off of the back of her legs. “It’ll melt by the time you get it back to me.” She lets him lead her to the stall that is selling all of the cool beverages. She decides that she wants a pineapple drink instead.

He watches her drink it down, it is hard for him to gauge how she feels. Over the next few days, they talk to her, mostly sharing stories that have no relevance to the war. Sokka tells the most horrendously unfunny jokes. She finally opens up, near the end of the week. She is more sociable and her eyes have more life in them, tired as they still are.

He catches her firebending once or twice and on another occasion he sees her teaching Aang some techniques. After that he suggests that they each have some one on one time with her. An idea she protests but goes along with.

.oOo.

Azula still feels awkward and out of place. Her stories don’t seem to have the right amount of lightheartedness, they all have somewhat of a dark edge or undertone to them. Yet they listen to her anyhow. Mai, with the faintest trace of an amused smile. The same one she always gives when Azula shares the flaming apple and fountain story.

TyLee and Katara weave hibiscus into her hair as she talks. The shell bracelet around her wrist tinkles in the breeze. Sometimes she catches one of them staring. She follows their gaze to her lightly scarred arms.

“What are you staring at?” She asks crossly, without thinking.

“Same thing I always stare at.” Toph shrugs. “Absolutely nothing.”

She manages a small snicker. It feels so normal. It all just feels so normal. She thinks that she needs normal.

.oOo.

Azula is painting different things now. He opens the door to her beach house bedroom to see several larger canvases. Most of them are recreations of the sunset. One of them is a painting of a pineapple drink.

She isn’t in her room but she has been recently. There is a scatter of seashells on her nightstand that hadn’t been there a few hours ago.

He peers out of the window and finds her playing kuai ball with Mai, Tylee, and Suki. On the other team are Aang, Toph, Sokka, and Katara. He makes his way down to the beach and waits for them to tag him in.

Their month on Ember Island is coming to a close. In just a day or so they will be making their way home. Azula, decently taken by cactus juice, has fallen asleep not quite on the couch. He hadn’t taken her for a lightweight. He especially hadn’t taken Toph for one. But the two of them are out for the night and the others aren’t far behind. Zuko doesn’t know how he has become the designated babysitter.  

Their final day on Ember Island is coming to a close. Zuko finds himself on the balcony, looking out at the sun as it casts its warm glow on the waves. Sparkles dance across the surface bathed in pinks and oranges.

“Zuzu.”

He turns around and smiles. ‘I’m glad your trip ended up going well. It did go well, right?”

She doesn’t say anything, simply pushes her sketchbook into his arms before padding away, presumably to help Mai and TyLee start their bonfire.

He opens the book to find several familiar pages of artwork. He cringes to himself as he turns to the first of the new pages. The inkwork is much lighter, less aggressive now, but the image is still melancholy. The ink rendition of Azula is laying on the ground with her hair swept out in front of her, five small burn marks are the only color on the page.

The next one over shows a familiar broken and beaten body. But this one has little plants sprouting from the cracks and insufficiently small bandaids patching them up. The next few pages to follow don’t pertain to Azula at all, not without context anyhow; there is another pineapple drink, a very lifelike shell, and an elaborate door knocker--the one they pounded furiously with at Chan’s house before running away. Of course she would draw that.

He flips to the final page. He sees another figure. Like all of the others, its resemblance to her is unmistakable. More so now that there is life in the golden ink eyes. This image exudes as much cheer as her old ones had exuded sorrow. This one has color too; bright orange watercolor paint makes a crown of fire lily around her head.  He realizes that there are a few figures in the background, little yellow blurs that glow on the page where he is used to seeing deep dark shading. He finds a single word at the bottom.

‘Reparied.’

[tigsousa]

INTRODUCING TIGS… @gallagherintro​​

⌠ CHAY SUEDE, 22, CISMALE, HE/HIS ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, THIAGO “TIGS” SOUSA! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in UNDECIDED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a shittier silver chain than connell’s, eDgY shirts with missing buttons, book rolled into back pocket, flipping everyone off, rolled cigarette tucked behind ear, bruised eyes or just bags?). when it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 20/01/1998, they always request their COCO POPS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

INSPO:

liam gallagher

BIO

grew up in a pretty rough and dangerous neighbourhood in dc, filled with Street Rats

parents: irresponsible, violent, addicts, basically only kept him for the benefits. home life was pretty miserable where he picked up most of his traits and habits.

but at one point it got so bad, his grandma reported them and took him in. they served some time in jail. he doesn’t know what they’re up to now, doesn’t care to find out either.

no one’s perfect -- his dad obvs gets it from somewhere -- but his grandma's love doesn’t make him cry. 

but he was an ungrateful lil shit ! so after a big argument, he left her and ran away/taken to LANDAN with a gang of grifters he met on da streetz for some gigs and what he thought would be Big Money

street fights were a common occurrence re: snatch *mickey o’neil vc* i’ll fight ya for it … if dc is here he learned how to fight, london is where he learned to fight dirty

the gang began to pull cons on a Bigger Scale until they got caught ! he was a Big Coward and ran away … but was sent back to the u s of a with 0 money lol (was p traumatic actually! ppl got killed! it still haunts him!)

came back 2 grandma n said sry a bajillion times n they made up

gma works as a housekeeper for a big time politician fam in d.c. and would get a few smol jobs for him as a pool boy or whatever else rich ppl have

but then his gma got ill and they don’t have medical insurance or da money for treatment so he dropped outta school and continued 2 swindle, in d.c. or where the money was tbh

gd thing about d.c. is politicians and they have lots of money !!!

it felt weird to scam people by himself. he wasn’t used to working alone so he started off small: hung out in bars, targeted politicians. end up in a hotel - they paid for it. long story short he got enough ammo to blackmail them into giving him $$ or he’d sell photos/videos to journalists ... n we all know how homophobic politicians are :clown emoji:

newayz … one of the cons ended up being a trap (fffff). they knew about his lil tricks n wanted to use him so proposed a deal: they’d pay for his gma’s everything, put her in the best hosp, pay off debts, send him to a good school which would secure his future !! in return they wouldn’t hand him over 2 da popo, clear his record, but he’d work for them + blackmails their opponents to strong arm them into votes or w/e

obvs he said yes bc he luvs his gma ..

PERSONALITY

Edgy n Cockney

has a dog called amigo

eats cereal out of the box for breakfast lunch n dinna xx it’s vegan xx

talks rly slowly, super lazy, as if he’s high 25/8

had 2 grow up quick so he is Mature but wasn’t allowed/able to Process all of his Shit so acts out + has childish tendencies (shock!)

super selfish + looks out for himself First … soz it just how it be it’s nothing personal

prefers to ruin things on his own terms so he is unforch #TeamFuckThingsUp

likes breaking thangs, likes burning thangs, likes gettin into fites .. For Fun !

rly just does what he wants regardless of whether it hurts other ppl – doesn’t rly care abt right/wrong .. aloof/detached/boner 4 nihilism yada yada

maybe that’s due to him liking d.c. coke a lot … a coping mechanism<3 microdosing mostly<3

if u get over all of that lol then he has a Deep side n has a lot of thots (which will b hard for me but o well) can be caring etc.

anti govt, anti rich, fuck da system a la vincent cassel in la haine etc. etc.

surprisingly Smort, likes 2 read + retains info like a sponge, good at exams without rly trying, will happily take exams for $$

likes getting to know ppl tho not out of genuine interest but also won’t say shit about himself

everyone at gallagher is stupid smart n kinda show offy abt it … highkey grinds his gears because he rly hates rich ppl and the govt and will fight u on it

will rationalise himself being at gallagher by saying he’ll destroy the system from inside out !!! lol ye rite

prefers to sit at the back, blend into the background, do his own thing

never chases after anything so if he does be suss

big fan of documentaries - louis theroux daddy

CONNECTIONS

friends: prefers 2 b more lowkey, more of a small chill group of ~pals than big groups of dumbos re: bros chat.

ex-friends: gimme platonic heartbreak! he has a tendency 2 fucc things up on purpose and will not hesitate to burn bridges 2 hide in da smoke (deep)

flings: type to kick u out bc he sleeps better alone and won’t hit u up for at least a week … no hard feelings</3

ex-flings: no emosh capacity for a full on relationship but it could’ve ended for a lot of messy reasons !! makes me laff

exes? he doesn’t rly believe in monogamy i’m sry . probs would’ve messed ur chara around a bit :// or mb it could’ve been legit srs i o n o

fre/enemies: he just … has 0 loyalties tbh so

met ur match: someone who just runs circles around him + plays his game better than he does ! its Messy !

senator’s kids: ur chara’s parent the one who took tigs in! probs shud be a Baddie tho

i cleaned ur pool: mayhaps he was ur pool boy one (1) summer + stole some of ur shit, maybe they got along, maybe they hate each other

pot head gang: talking about conspiracy theories on da rooftop at 2am pls ty

anti-painkiller: someone who is feeling shitty so hits him up to feel even worse . this cud become soft tbh . extra Spice if she wants 2 keep it a secret

underlined the good bits: based on dis lil nugget but instead of saving mankind make it taking down the government lol or a lil discussion or legit anythinnnn :-) bonus points if they dk each other :-)

why didn’t u ask me to stick around?: *peyton sawyer vc* erry1 alwayz leaves … n so did he !

the worst best partner: they were forced 2 partner up together but they rly rile each other up but lowkey werk well together and got a smashing grade ! he doesn’t care abt grades so probs someone who is a Show Off so he gets Aggro

if any of these fit ur chara/u vibin wit em, holla + we can go from there: uno, two, three, three and a half, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten point five, and most importantly: ot3 !!!!! and another one

[seijch]

send me selfship questions!!

for @raevaioli because i wrote too much the first time and didnt have space to answer everything else 🧍🏻‍♂️

(there’s a lot of shit under the cut NDJKDKS be Warned)

1. where was your first date?

well, youve already heard about the first date that we realized was indeed A Date with futakuchi, but my first Proper Date with him would have to be somewhere like an arcade where we can have fun but still talk?? personally movie (theater) dates aren’t good first dates bc you Have to stay silent until the movie is over?? what’s the APPEAL...

there’s a shared exhale of relief as the large stuffed pokemon gets dropped by the crane into the pickup zone. “i can’t believe you pulled that off,” i tell him.

“you know, just for that, i’m keeping it.”

“you don’t even like pokemon! what happened to ‘this one’s for you, baby?’” i ask, voice dropping an octave to imitate him.

“i never said that, first of all. second of all,” he continues, grip tightening on the rowlet, “i won it. so it’s mine.”

“you fucking suck.”

(he says all this, yet when he drops me off, he insists i take the rowlet with me and name it after him. i graciously oblige, dubbing it coochie jr.)

when it comes to kuroo, he probably Says it’s some kind of unplanned affair but it ends with him unloading a picnic basket as we watch the sun set bc he’s a SAP... hate that fool 😔

“you’ve got good taste in music,” i tell him as the next song on his playlist begins. he’s definitely planning something, but i don’t say anything as his driving becomes less aimless.

“oh, i know,” he grins. “good enough for you to ask me for recommendations, i’d say.”

i’m crossing my arms before his sentence gets to finish. “listen,” i start, “you can’t tell me it didn’t work. we’re together now, aren’t we?” he doesn’t choose to grace that with a response.

before we know it, kuroo’s parked the car. “we’re here.”

“here? at the park? what are you gonna do, hold my hand while we watch the sunset?” i tease, getting out of the car. he doesn’t respond. “tetsu?”

“you really think you know me, don’t you?” he appears from the other side, picnic basket in hand and a resigned smile on his face. “what do you suggest we do now that my surprise has been torn to shreds, hm?”

“i mean...can we still eat? i’m kinda hungry.” i point to the basket. (i’m clearly deflecting ,, i was Not expecting kuroo the simp to jump out so early and my heart Cannot Take It)

2. who normally plans the dates?

between me and futakuchi i’m going to say none of us! we don’t really go on Dates dates, it’s just Us Hanging Out !! with kuroo, at first it’s him tbh but after we get comfortable everything becomes a date... idk tbh i’m not the type to sweat that kind of thing 🕺🏻 i do like to Go Out and do things w my s/o no matter who they are but a date doesn’t always have to be going out nor does it have to be a Special going out yk??

3. what kind of dates would you two mostly go on? do you have a “date spot?”

i mentioned this in my answer for 24, but w kuchi we have this ritual of going out to eat every friday and after we get together that doesn’t change!!! if we’re feeling extra lazy we might order takeout but we always always spend our friday nights together... it’s def smth we look forward to even Before we start dating (and it’s smth we both wonder Why we anticipate before we get tgt)

in terms of a date spot? we have our favorite places (like the ramen joint i mentioned in 24) but other than that maybe a few other restaurants and that’s kinda it! our other dates are the occasional study date but i cannot study when he’s around,, just looking at his face pisses me off 😃 nah but we can’t focus on school together + we’d get heated over a meaningless argument and get kicked out NDNSJSJ

when we get domestic w each other (like in uni or beyond) kuroo and i have all our dates at the grocery store... idk abt you but the INTIMACY of buying groceries w someone you love is so [clenches fist] yk?? but before and sometimes after that point rlly it’s like Things To See and Things To Do whenever kuroo puts himself in charge of planning it bc he knows we both like to be engaged and have fun!! (i alr said it but our date spot is the grocery store <3)

4. what kind of date do you think the both of you would enjoy the most? why?

that’s a very good question... i mentioned it alr but kuroo and i vibe heavy w things that are engaging and give us things to talk about while we keep busy,, like maybe an amusement park or smth w all the rides (we’re definitely spinning the shit out of the teacups) mostly bc i think he likes being kept on his toes and i do too! i think we’d challenge each other to do better by setting an example for the other to follow just in general,, also ngl places w a lot of ppl are good too so we can peoplewatch,, the two of us are the type to read people with a glance and when we need downtime we’d sit down somewhere and just kinda . 👁👁 yk

“i might barf,” i announce, gait crooked from the dizzying ride.

“no, you won’t,” kuroo replies, allowing me to drape myself over him though he’s not walking straight either. “didn’t you hear? vomitting is banned in this country and thirteen others.”

“a shame. anyway, let’s go on the pirate ship ride next.”

(we sit at the outer edge. it’s not a good time for the folks in the two seats in front of us. we wipe our vomit—mostly my vomit—from the corners of our mouths and apologize profusely.)

when it comes to kuchi, i think he’d like smth where we would end up competing against each other! i mentioned this when i answered question 50, but kenji and i are almost TOO competitive over stupid shit so smth like laser tag (where everyone is like ... why don’t you want to work together aren’t you DATING) would be SO fucking fun

“it’s not too late to surrender,” he simpers, my body sandwiched between his and the wall. my gun’s been knocked out of my hand—that’s gotta be against the fucking rules—and part of me feels like i’m on a real battlefield, as fleeting the thought is. “some battles, you just can’t win.” he punctuates this statement with a sage nod, leaning so close his breath fans against my face. “so, what’ll it be?”

i close the gap, pressing my lips against his and relishing in the strangled groan that comes from the back of his throat as he reciprocates, free hand moving to the nape of my neck. the hand holding the gun drops. that’s all the opening i need.

i let him deepen the kiss, take his bottom lip between my teeth and gently tug as my hands reach for his gun while his brain is still between his legs.

aim. fire.

i’m the last one standing, and the lights turn on around us. “it’s always good to have goals,” i tell him, granting him a consolation peck to the lips. “but i suggest making them more realistic next time.”

9. what do you think your first impression of them would be?

now THIS is a question i knew the answer to going in bc my best friend (honestly she doesn’t get paid enough ,, or at all ,, for all the shit she has to put up w from me NDNSKSK) had to hear all abt my elaborate fantasies regarding these two but!!

my first impression of kuroo is 1) 😳😳 and more importantly, 2) I Want To Know What He’s About... bc he’s not the kind of person i’d get the full picture of w just one look and maybe a few words spoken? he’d pique my interest a LOT (and this is smth he shares w tsukishima, tho i don’t see myself in a long lasting relationship w him like i do w kuroo and kuchi!) and i’d end up worming my way into his life whether he likes it or not until i find out :-)

unlike kuroo i see kenji and go Wow. What An Asshole. ok no i don’t NDNSJSN i probably think he’s cute first THEN go what an asshole and there’s definitely a long period of time where we’re genuinely getting on each other’s nerves before it goes into the romantic relationship-adjacent dynamic you see in my answer to 24!

10. what do you think their first impression of you would be?

kuroo’s definitely curious. i don’t imagine him being unable to see thru me from the start but i prove myself to be Good Conversation so he’s fine (and ends up being more than fine) with me bothering him as much as i do. kenji probably sees me the way i think most people see me at first? very soft and sweet ,, and then he tries to rile me up, tries to test the waters and pretty quickly finds out that right under the nice girl is someone that won’t hesitate to mirror the shit he tries to dish out.

(again) 24. would you confess first or would they? how would it have gone?

i saw you said in the tags you wanted to see the kuroo one so here it is 🤝 i had all my fun writing kenji’s so this one is shorter than that but!!!

NDNSNSN anyway !!! with kuroo it’s kinda 50/50 bc i’m not shy when it comes to my feelings but at the same time i like to have the lowest chances possible for failure when it comes to things like this... but i simp SO heavy for him so lbr it’ll prob be me just bc i literally Cannot pretend that my intentions are platonic anymore and he’s not gonna do it first (later i find out he was trying to see how long he could go before one of us mentioned the elephant in the room)

(5:38 PM) me: anyway for the weekly song rec

(5:38 PM) me: khalid ft. john mayer - outta my head

(5:39 PM) me: specifically 1:16-1:25 :-)

the messages have sent before i can think twice or even consult anyone about it. there’s a beat of silence. then two. then three. i throw my phone down onto the bed as it bounces off the mattress and onto the carpet.

what the fuck!!!!!! bitch why did you do that!!!!!!!

there’s no taking it back now. he reads it ten minutes after it sends (not like anyone’s checking, that would be preposterous). the picture i took of him mid-sneeze two months ago lights up the screen, a facetime call from shithead 👺 bringing me to yet another crossroads. do i answer it and face the music (literally), or do i pretend to have been busy and act as though i didn’t just confess to one of my best friends through text and with music, of all things?

i pick up the call.

“i liked the song,” he says as soon as the call opens, “though i can’t help but wonder if there was a hidden meaning to it.”

“and if i told you there was?”

“well,” he replies, sounding a little out of breath (where is he?), “i’d tell you to open your door because i’m outside.”

true enough, when i race downstairs and open the door, he’s waiting for me. “and if i told you that was my way of asking you to be my boyfriend?”

“well, i think i’d want to ask if i could kiss you. assuming, of course, it was alright to do something like that so soon-“

he doesn’t finish his sentence. his lips are a little bit chapped, but pleasant nonetheless, and i tuck the newfound fact away in my file of things i know about kuroo tetsurou.

(for reference, the song lyrics for the part i mention are can you feel the tension / you’ve got my attention / i know we’re just friends but / i’d rather be together instead)

[scandeniall]

ri’s self ship

Self ship tag:

Listen I was tagged by mother Sam @samwrights almost 3 weeks ago and this shitshow has been sitting in my notes since then. To the point where the original tag is long gone in my notifications so I cant even the low it 😭

Anyways let me clear this out and say I ship me with my original number one hq boy: Kuroo

Alrighty eye suppose

Ok so me and kuroo most definitely met our first year of college. First day of class in some random ass gen ed like history yeah that works. And y’all know how profs be like “get to know the person next to you and exchange numbers.” Now I’m like—- wow he’s hot but I know how to play it cool. Anyways so we do a quick intro and then he complements my hair

“I like the decorations,” and I do my general awkward but friendly laugh and say thanks. Anyways that’s how it starts. We finish that awkward ice breaker where it’s like “tell your neighbor why you’re taking this class” and bc we’re both sarcastic dummies it’s like “bro cause it’s fucking required”

Anyways it’s now class two and I’m one of them bitches who gets to class early (in the beginning of the year) bc I like picking my seat. So the seat I picked was in the middle row off near the end on the first day so I sit there again and then kuroo comes back and I’m shook bc i didn’t expect him to sit back there. /Alright so ima use an example of how I met one of my guy friends this past year/ so let’s say this is one of them annoying ass classes where there’s like some mini assignment due every class. So kuroo suggests how about we take turns doing the assignment and sending the other the answers. And I’m like yeah ok I could use that break every other day. So yes that’s how we get each other’s numbers

So that’s basically how the first half of the semester goes. Over time we both make some slight convo with other ppl in our class around us but still sit our unassigned assigned seats next to each other. But now it’s nearing midterms. And at this point yeah I dont come to class early anymore like I’m there like 5 minutes before but history class bro kuroo always makes sure a seat next to him is saved bc at this point he knows I’m like rushing.

Anyways I nearly knock him out with my big ass bag as i squeeze past him in these tight ass aisles and he’s all dramatic saying I’m trying to kill him and got me laughing but also frantically apologizing. Anyways he’s like “yo do you wanna study for this exam together.” I love friends but I’m actually so shy so I say yeah and we make a plan. We’re gonna link like 3 times before the exam next week. The first time being that same night.

Alright so we go about the rest of our day until it’s like 8pm and we’re both done with our own other club commitments and stuff so I’m like walking around the library looking for him slightly nervous bc attractive ppl make me nervous and we’re meeting up for the first time outside of class. I walk around in a circle like 3 times until his y’all ass pop up behind me (note I’m 5’0). “Didn’t see you there” and I’m one of them bitches that be like “woooooooow ok”

Anyways we find a little table in the back of the crowded library and yeah the first 20 minutes were not doing shit. We pull out our laptops and notes but really we’re just talking. He’s the type to as you about your day and since I’m like perpetually tired I’m like “yeah I’m ready for bed I just got out of a meeting and it was sooooo long.” And then we actually kinda find out one another’s campus involvements and he finds out I’m in a retail and food club and I find out he plays for the intermural volleyball team and his a science loser

Anyways yeah from there our friendship blooms and continues on into the following semester where we sign up for another two gen eds together and I end up meeting his old high school friend y’all and watching them mfs argue is the funniest shit. I’m always catching their dumb arguments on Snapchat

Yeah let’s fast forward to our junior years. Over the past 2 years our friendship grew from platonic to just flirtatious friends and by now we’re flirtatious friends whose touches linger just a lil longer to be platonic. By this time we’re both living in apartment buildings (it ended up being the same one) and are both hella busy with upper level classes and both have like 5 campus involvements plus jobs.

Whenever we see each other one of us is always like half dead. But we still find time to hangout even though it’s mostly at one of our apartments. Since we live in the same building and kuroo is in a bigger 3 bedroom over my 2 I tend to go upstairs to his more often.

So Its like 9pm on a Thursday night and i don’t have Friday classes and I’m finally home for the day and as soon as i shower put in my comfy sweats, wipe off my eyebrows and put on and bonnet here comes kuroo FaceTiming me. Yes we’re at the point in our friendship where we only answer with half of our faces. “You don’t have any other friends come keep me company”

Bc he’s hit and my friend I’m like yeah whatever and go up the 2 floors to his place and he’s literally at his desk doing homework. “You made me get out of bed to watch you do homework” and he just does that stupid smirk before telling me I can just chill on his bed. So listen I think he’s the type to keep his room fucking freezing so I’m like getting under his covers and he asks me to play dj.

Now ok my music taste is all over the place but my main genre is rnb so yeah. Kuroo knows this and over the years I put him on to a lot of it so yeah I’m gonna turn on Brent faiyaz and he’s just over at his desk working and vibing. He tells me he likes my music taste (and bc I throw in a lil bit of everything for him)

As two Scorpio’s were both used to lowkey subtly making people do what we want them to do. So like it’s the cat and mouse type game with us and we keep tryna make the other person take it further

We don’t even know when we start dating shit it’s just one day “y’all dating?” “Yeah” so much for an anniversary date

I’d hang out with him way too much bc my lack of friends is sickening. And I like doing random shit so let’s go to the park at 3am and hope we don’t get in trouble

I’m hungry at 3am let’s go a store that’s open 24 hours and deliriously roam the half stocked aisles

At this point kuroo just invites himself over on my Sunday wash days bc he knows that shit is gonna taken hours. ESPECIALLY when I’m taking my braids out

Kuroo the type of bf to help me take my braids out and not be completely grossed out at the dirt residue from the hair style. “Baby what if I put this under a microscope” yeah he’s disgusting though

He’s also the bf to try and help me detangling every time but my scalp is v sensitive so at some point I’m just like “yeah I’m gonna need you to STOP”

We’re both chaotic is this even a relationship or are we just besties? I’m that annoying friend that tries to record everything but he’s so tall in comparison to me that he gets cut off the camera half the time

We’re both annoying and stay ready with witty comebacks so we playfully bicker way too much but it’s fun and we’re still inseparable

Idk what I’m doing here so ima end and sum up and say kuroo best boy. Best boy also dates and is your best friend and that is LITERALLY my vibe 110%

idk im very late to this trend so um i tag anyone who wants to do this

[szopenhauer]

Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your hometown?           preferred field *chuckle*

Ladies: Would you ever consider proposing? If not, why not? Gentlemen: How would you feel, if you were proposed to?     yes, I have an idea

Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy?           I haven’t

If so, which Shepard and who do you like romancing the best? -             

Let’s say there’s a person in need. They need money which they can’t make. Would you be more likely to help them out, if a celebrity asked you to?       celebs should help them, not me, I need help myself!

When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Or do you always try out something new? usually

Would you rather live next to a kindergarten or an old folks’ home?       old folks’ home for sure

What is the best part of your most ordinary day?   sleeping :x

Do you enjoy being on your own or are you happier when there’s a crowd around you?           I’m a loner/introvert

Do you ever look up what foreign idioms mean?     yep

What’s the strangest saying you’ve come across? I don’t recall atm

What’s a First World problem that you have?         hmm...

Have you ever made a parody version of a popular song?     me and my sister were doing puppet shows for our parents, mostly her ideas as she was forcing me to perform those until I got sick of that

Which game did you play the most as a kid during recess? nie bawiłam się w większość gier przez brak zdrowia, ale lubiłam plac z huśtawkami czy drabinkami, albo udawać rodzinę/dom i te fajne białe “krateczki” z kolorowymi “guziczkami” co jak się je wpinało w dziurki to układało się z nich obrazki (nie pamiętam nazwy)

Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? there isn’t

Does your mother annoy you when the holidays come along in the year? my mom annoys me all the time lol Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? I’m too short but I manage and still some ppl sometimes ask me for help anyway Do you check the texture of things first or the smell of them? used to smell them but now just texture Have you ever broken the arm or head off of a figurine? How did you do this? I’m no Chunk :P

Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? I wouldn’t do that on purpose but I don’t believe in most of the superstitions, luckily there are some things you can do to avoid bad luck like throw salt over your shoulder or knock on non painted wooden thingy etc. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bi polar all the time? I’m sick of ppl who use mental and physical illnesses as excuses when they don’t have them - single headache ain’t a migraine nor being an ass makes you a border, shut up! Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you?  more than once Do you like those ‘end of the world,’ ‘Armageddon’ movies? some are good, some not Ever been choked severely on something? just a feather Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? several like monkey, raccoon or cat Ever been in one of those church Christmas plays before? Why/why not? I didn’t participate but I watched/looked at them when I was younger Have you ever thrown a roll of toilet paper at someone before? ... why? Have you ever found yourself talking to an inanimate object? at times I talk to my computer (because I hate it so we argue), kettle and fridge, also my stuffed animals of course Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: penis Ever think of what it would be like to be a mermaid or merman? I thought and I wouldn’t like it besides maybe finding some cool stuff that drown  What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? creators lack imagination, they ask the same stuff over and over again, it’s boring What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? red Ever want to be a doctor? Is it because of all the hospital shows? noooo Do you like drawing smiley faces or do you think they’re overrated? rarely and I’m ashamed of that tbh Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? hell no but I’m not that bad at it Do you hardly ever remember where you put things at? I have good memory when it comes to that most of the time - not counting my green scissors grrrr Where did you last buy socks from? What do those socks look like? Archelan - Christmas themed and fuzzy  Do you ever lay in the grass and look up at the sky, just because? not as often as I’d like to? Are you afraid of being kidnapped if you go outside at nighttime? raped, killed or robbed more likely Do you like showers or baths better? Why did you choose your choice? baths as I like to sit and I don’t like the glass nor have water over my head  Are you a controversial person? Do your views oppose others? it seems Have you ever thrown a surprise party for someone? Who for? nah, I dislike surprises and there weren’t opportunities/possibilities to do that Do you tap fingernails on desks? hardly ever Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? vocalist (who can play instruments) but I have no talent but don’t worry, it was a childish dream that fade away when I found out more about live of a band member Do you ever call your cousins just to talk to them randomly? nope, we don’t talk, just say HI if anything  Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? yep Do you ever had to wash your clothes at someone else’s house? camp When is the next time you’ll go to the library? Why is this? we’ll see, covid situation isn’t helpful and I can’t focus on books lately Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? I treat them how they treat me (not authority figures/dangerous ppl tho) Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? sweet and quiet Are you someone who likes to get in arguments or fights a lot? I don’t like to but I still end up arguing, sigh... How do you make sure people know you don’t like them at all? avoid them, block them, ignore them fight with them when they don’t stay away (not physically yet)

How much was the cell phone you have at this moment in time? about 200 PLN  What would you do if you woke up randomly with purple hair? cool but wonder how that happened What color is the closest desk to your body? What all is on it? ugly light brown with shitload of stuff The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? gonna have it soon so don’t remind me Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? aliens tried to abduct me in dreams but didn’t succeed ha!  What would you say is the color of your favorite bra? white Do you like people who are loud or people who are quiet? not too tiring but not completely silent either Does personality weigh out the sense of ‘good looks?’ look is important but not as much as personality for sure, it’s like 1:9 I think Do you hate it when people copy the things you do? could say so Has anyone ever told you that you’re good at cooking? r u kidding?... Do you have any enemies who you think are dangerous? anyone can be Do you ever try to squeeze information out of people? Konrad once told me I’m like a private detective about it because I’m so sneaky they don’t realize until it’s too late but I sadly forget infos quickly due to stress last months so it’s not as useful as it sounds Does it freak you out when the police drive/walk by? somehow Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? I don’t drive Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? I had a friend who was a firefighter

Have you ever woken up to a good morning letter beside you? left in the kitchen but informative like - I went there or feed the dog etc. Would you ever get your nails done? I can do them myself if I ever want to

Are you afraid of worms? maggots Do you wear rings on your thumb? why not How many shirts of yours are red? less than 5 Does the color red look good on you? my first therapist told me I should wear it to be more brave but it causes anger in me so I prefer not to Do you pray before every meal? Sunday lunch with parents Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? not caught but been cheating in high school How many white tank tops do you own? 0? Do loud people bother you? omg YES Does your head itch? not currently but frequently Do you know anyone named John? my ex friend had a nickname like this Have you ever tried the cinnamon challenge? I’m not stupid Are you a fast runner? like Gimli Did you ever want a pet rabbit? no way

Do you ever want to own a house? apartment more likely How do you feel about men? blergh Do you know any police officers? my neighbor was a police officer Have you ever signed a petition? lots Have you ever aspired to start your own business? I wish Who is the oldest person living in the same building as you? mom The youngest? me Would you rather pay with cash or card? cash, cards make me nervous Have you ever used a pager? I have not Do you like visiting the beach? beachcombing is fun Do you like to buy things? but not spend money lmfao Have you ever been in a polygamous relationship? I didn’t know that I apparently am - jk Is there anyone you haven’t spoken to in a long time but you still think about daily? my grandma for example Would you like to be rich? not filthy, having enough money to live and not barely survive

have you ever behaved like a stalker? *crickets* can you lie and keep a straight face? poker face game strong when situation calls for it

have you ever feared for somebody else’s life? especially dad’s do you prefer honesty, even when it hurts? hard to tell if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be? picked my dog’s  have you ever masturbated while driving? wtf, don’t do that, gross how do you feel when someone takes the last of something? without asking? *cringe* how do you feel when people tell you “bless you” when you sneeze? thank you unless I sneeze many times in a row and they bless me every single time - then it’s annoying what are you supposed to say when somebody coughs? r u ok? have you ever committed a violent crime because of a video game or rap song? who said I play/listen to those? have you ever actually overheard one of your friends talking shit about you? possibly how many partners is too many? at once or in your entire life? do you believe that wearing an aluminum foil hat will stop the government from reading your thoughts? that reminds me of the RED movie XD

would you rather have a hook for a hand or a peg leg? peg leg 100% elseway I’d end up with an eye cover as well if you know what I mean bonus points for/to being a pirate tho how close does someone have to be for you to feel obligated to wait and hold the door for them? either right behind me or carry heavy/big load do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose? for example when I worry about it bleeding  what is your cure for the hiccups? wait

Do you miss Brittany Murphy’s appearance in films? awwww she was such a good actress RIP

Is Christmas stressful? to me it is but I’m stressed 24/7

Do you make your own smoothies or juices? meh

Do you think time really does heal all? NO

Are you more sensitive to heat or the cold? cold

Did you care at all when Steve Jobs died? ... he died?

Has anyone searched your room for anything recently? my mother for dirty laundry

When do you decorate for Christmas? as soon as possible

Would you be cool with wearing sweatpants to the grocery store? yes

Have you ever been pranked via a hidden camera? am glad that didn’t happen 

Do you know any of those people who are depressed during the winter? I’m depressed year round

If a job makes you unhappy, do you choose to stay or leave? if I can change it without ending up on the street then I leave

How does your being here in the universe change humanity for the better? nothing? Who is a person that you don’t like yet you spend time with? my family member[s] How is your relationship with money? we don’t see each other as often as I’d like to ;) get it?  How do you feel about growing old someday? won’t live that long

Are you wearing two shirts? too hot for that Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? disgusting! Can you point out constellations in the night sky? I can not What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? not interested What’s the last thing you bought at a mall? food, antibacterial gel and a blanket

Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? parents but I’ll feel crappy about it  Have you ever swam in a river? as a child Are there any dirty clothes underneathe your bed? ewww seriously?  What food do you love the smell of while it’s cooking? smells make me sick In what month do you start Christmas shopping? I seek presents whole year then store them for later Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? as a lesbian What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? bushes, grass, moss and trees, wild flowers, if they want to grow, can stay  Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? I agree When’s the next time you’ll go to the grocery store? not in next weeks

Where’s your car keys? not applicable Did you keep any momentos of school dances? pics Do you still have clothes from your high school? and middle school  Do you think you could do better drawings than Napolean Dynamite? this question...

Do you own anything skull print? had a shirt that I gave to John ages ago Who are the three people you consider yourself closest to? parents and my gf Which ex of yours means the most to you? my partner as we’re back together Have you taken prescription medications that didn’t belong to you? oh well... How are your social skills? awkward Have you ever stayed at a hotel for longer than two months? I’m poor Do you ever go outside to look at the stars? there were some days in past summers when me and dad been going to stadium for a walk at night, that’s when and where we saw UFO  Who breaks away from the kiss first? she as she forgets to breathe  Do you know what you weigh? thx for a reminder - they’ll ask in hospital Have you ever smoked anything other than tobacco? one cigarette was all that I smoked in me life Have you ever ridden on the back of a motorcycle? nope Do you say koala bear or simply koala? koala  Do you usually travel anywhere in the winter? I’d freeze brrr Do you wait for someone else to take the garbage out when it’s full? we take turns Are most of your friends white? it’s not America so...

Does your hair reach your boobs? not even my shoulders

What’s something that fills you with anxiety? what doesn’t?...

What age do you think is too old to still live with your parents? there’s no expiration date

Have you ever watched Bob’s Burgers? fragments

Has a teacher ever caught and read a note you were passing in class? I wasn’t that much of a note passer 

Do you know anyone who is afraid of horses? nah

Do you clean things that are already clean when you’re bored? tha hell?...

Would you rather live in a tropical or arctic climate? tropical

What do you do when someone overweight complains about being overweight? I say it’s important to be healthy but weight isn’t always a sign of being ill

Is there any Irish, Scottish, or Danish in your heritage? none that I know of

Do you find Asians attractive? yes and no

Have either of your parents ever been to jail? nooooo

Keep Calm and Carry On or Screw Calm and Get Angry? there’s time for one of each?

Do you think Urban Outfitters is overpriced? like every other similar store 

Are your colarbones prominent? yeah

Have you ever in your life worn overalls? I have indeed

How did you react when you heard Whitney Houston had died? sorry but I didn’t care

Do you think Helena Bonham Carter is attractive? she is

Would you rather listen to Dolly Parton or Dusty Springfield? Dolly

Are you watching The Walking Dead? I’m scared of zombies and gore 

Are you a light sleeper? became lighter

Would you consider cuddling cheating? it’s complicated

What does the purse/bag you last used look like? it’s black with red embroidery and white beads

Can you make a clover with your tongue? impossible

What’s your favorite coffee brand/flavor? I don’t drink coffee

Is your belly button pierced? no piercings!

[aelinbitch-archive]

unpopular opinion: i don’t like rowan/rowaelin. i’m not here to convince u to unstan lol ppl are allowed to like/dislike things w/o feeling bad about it omg but i hate that some rowan stans are so insensitive when it comes to those who don’t like him! they’re so thirsty for him that they condemn anyone who doesn’t stan him & then excuse his problematic/lowkey triggering actions bc he’s hot and it’s gross. AGAIN not saying ppl can’t like rowan it’s ok lol but it’s more about some stan’s behavior

That’s totally fair my angel. I dislike the vibe that some people are locked out of the fandom for not being a cheerleader for every aspect of the series, and I hope that my followers/mutuals know that if they dislike stuff I like, or like stuff I dislike, expressing their opinions regarding that won’t ever cause me to cut them off (unless it’s like, some truly gross shit, which disliking rowaelin isn’t). 

Also I have to say, even tho I do like rowaelin, I understand where you’re coming from about people excusing his actions because he’s hot. I’ve toooooootally seen that. And I’ll just be 100% honest - no shade to anyone, but some of the rowaelin content on this website disturbs me a little bit, in terms what’s considered hot/romantic/acceptable when writing or depicting them in art. I’ve seen some weird stuff defended as hot or even just “not that bad.” Which isn’t necessarily a problem with canon, but your ask was more about stans anyway, so yeah. 

A while ago I actually wrote rowaelin meta in response to some other peeps (which was more about Aelin in relation to Rowaelin and how she’s included or not included in discussions of the ship, but it has some thoughts relevant to this ask) so I’m gonna just copy and paste what I wrote below and feel free to read if u want. (It’s like very overdramatic and fiery lmao but anyway). 

I agree with a lot of this, but (at risk of derailing ms aelinapologist’s amazing post) I do have a few things to say, which are

1. OP took two whole paragraphs at the beginning of her post to say that the point wasn’t to discourse about rowaelin being abuse or not abuse, it was to talk about how the conversations centering around said abuse consistently display a disturbing lack of empathy for the character who should be the main concern of the debate. So I just find it a bit funny/odd that the replies (including a portion of the one I’m about to make, I admit that) have been like “Yeah great post! And now to discourse about Rowaelin-” but I digress.

2. I have consistently loved reading about Rowan and Aelin and they’re one of my favorite fictional couples. So nothing I’m about to say is intended to be like “GOTCHA they suck and you suck for liking them!!!” Because I like them as well. A lot. And in addition, nothing about this reblog is intended to be shady or confrontational in any way shape or form. I just think this is a great and very needed discussion I’d like to contribute to, so here goes.

3. Even if we look at HoF alone and ignore how things play out later: yes, they are both mean to one another, yes, they are both in a dark place and end up having a mutually positive effect on one another (so I definitely agree that, at least for HoF alone, it’s not a “douchey guy changes for the heroine story”) but. There IS still a power imbalance. I don’t think it’s entirely accurate to say “they were both bad The End” without also bringing up the fact that Rowan is 300 years old and Aelin is 18, and that Rowan is training Aelin and is in a position that gives him a massive amount of control over her, and that he is stronger and more powerful than her physically, magically, and socially (he is a prince and legendary warrior, she is a AWOL teenage princess currently working as a scullery maid).

Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but I really just don’t think that Aelin, a 17 y/o girl going through an unimaginably shitty time, being like “fuck you!!” to this 300 y/o jerk who doesn’t know shit about her is on the same level as aforementioned 300 y/o jerk hitting her, biting her, and telling her she would have been of more use to the world if she’d died when she was eight.

And in addition to that, we see that his behavior effects her a lot more than it effects him. When he verbally tears her down, we see her experience genuine and devastating despair and shame, whereas everything she does and says to him, no matter how snarky or outright cruel, is not having that same effect on him. People always seem to think they’re giving Aelin credit for being a Strong Woman™ by saying “she’s tough! she can handle it!” when in reality… we have evidence for the fact that she kinda can’t handle it. That the way he treats her in the beginning is slowly wearing her down and sending her deeper into a depressive state. And I don’t understand how it somehow reflects poorly on Aelin (or is even misogynist) to acknowledge this. Women, especially literal teenage girls, should not be measured by their tolerance for mistreatment.

All I really wish is that somewhere along the line we’d gotten a genuine apology from Rowan for this besides a throwaway line in KoA about regretting their “brawling.” And again, none of this is to say “see!! it IS abuse!!” it’s just to suggest that, even as an enemies to friends to lovers story, the “enemies” part was not exactly on a level playing field.

4. But with that being said, I could probably forgive the imbalance in their early relationship, mostly because their later relationship, as both friends and lovers, is so amazing and supportive in pretty much every way. And the great thing about enemies to FRIENDS to lovers, like you said, is that 1) none of the assholery occurred during any kind of romantic or sexual relationship or a transition into one, so it was sort of “fair and square” in that way, and 2) they had the opportunity form a solid, platonic foundation of trust and caring before they crossed into the lover territory.

Aaaaaaaaaand then Sarah did a retcon job on HoF which negated… pretty much all of that. I can totally be down with “good old fashioned mutual hatred thaws into caring which grows into love” but once we start hearing shit like “‘Sometimes, you’d be sleeping beside me at Mistward, and it’d take all my concentration not to lean over and bite them. Bite you all over’” and “‘That was the first time I really lost control around you, you know. I wanted to chuck you off a cliff, yet I bit you before I knew what I was doing. I think my body knew, my magic knew. And you tasted… So good. I hated you for it’”……. hhhhhhhhhhh.

I can’t think of many arguments for this NOT contributing at least a little to the “he’s mean because he loves you (and stick it out because someday he’ll figure it out)” trope. And while it might be a bit different because Aelin was quite mean as well, her behavior was just… meanness. Not some sort of weird outlet for repressed sexual attraction/love. I guess I just get flashbacks of “No sweetie, that boy in your class kicks your desk, pulls your hair, and calls you names because he likes you and doesn’t know how to express it.”

And I think this decision on Sarah’s part to go back and say he was into her all along is 1) a result of the mating bond thing she’s so fond of and 2) kind of a panicked backpedalling to the backlash she might have gotten over Rowan’s behavior in HoF? Which is…. so ironic because she made it SO much worse. In my humble opinion, she should have just doubled down on what she originally wrote as enemies-friends-lovers (and had Rowan bring up his early behavior and apologize in some way), and the problem would have been solved. And while I personally feel that I can recognize this for what it is - a shitty retcon - and enjoy the relationship despite it, I don’t think we should talk over people for whom this is a deal-breaker for the ship.

5. I don’t think about all of this and have the reaction that so many “anti tog” people seem to have of “FUCK Rowan he’s ABUSIVE and PREDATORY and I wish he was DEAD!!!” I think there are things to criticize about his behavior and about the way Sarah decided to spin their relationship, but they have had many great moments, especially in the later books, and I don’t think I or anyone else is “shipping abuse” by enjoying that. All of this is just to emphasize how, in OP’s very succinct words, “your inalienable right to enjoy two characters’ dynamic does not outweigh the right to criticise it.” Because there ARE valid things to criticize, and we as Rowaelin shippers (lol.) need to be careful not to conflate ugly hatred with valid criticism when we speak over it.

And because there IS so much ugly hatred for Aelin and her relationship with Rowan on this website, I completely understand why there’s a kind of knee-jerk reaction of jumping to defense of this ship we love. But that impulse, quite frankly, means nothing to me if defense of Rowaelin includes the erasure of Aelin’s canonical experiences. And maybe this is wacky and controversial, but I’m pretty sure we can express our enjoyment of Rowaelin AND keep Aelin as an individual from being swept under the rug.  

6. More than saying any of that what I really really want to do (and have been trying to do in the previous paragraphs, but maybe unsuccessfully) is bring the conversation back to OP’s original point which was not “abuse!” or “not abuse!” but about how the ways in which we discuss “abuse or not abuse” often includes a stomach-turning lack of concern for Aelin and some frustratingly reductive arguments. And somehow I have the sneaking suspicion that Rowaelin shippers are reading this post and missing the point, which that this is happening on BOTH sides of the argument.

Everyone is perfectly entitled to ship Rowaelin and argue their opinion about its merits or lack thereof, but when we cover our ears and say “she was mean too she was mean too she was mean too she was mean too la la la la la la la” that’s completely ignoring the genuine pain that she did experience in HoF and the power imbalance that she was subjected to, no matter whether or not we personally feel that it was sufficiently rectified in later books.

And I see this ALL THE TIME, in both the fandom and “anti-fandom”, and I’m honest to god quite sick of it. I’m sick of the willful ignorance of a teenage girl’s pain in order to further an agenda. Yes, it’s more stomach-turning when the agenda is to prove what an evil bitch she is or whatever, but it’s not excusable if your agenda is to prove Rowaelin is great, either! And I don’t understand why we have to throw all nuance out the window and ignore how Dorian hurt her, ignore how Chaol hurt her, ignore how Rowan hurt her, fucking hell, ignore how SAM hurt her, just so we can make our arguments! Because as much as the antis love to scream about “WHAT MESSAGE IS THIS TERRIBLE SHIP SENDING THE TINY GIRL-CHILDREN WHO READ THE BOOKS???” it’s also like, what kind of message is our ongoing discussion of it sending by sweeping a teenage girl’s experiences under the rug when we argue about her relationships?

And like OP said, what have we even got to show for it? No conclusion has been reached, nothing has been achieved besides valuing a romance (or the hatred of that romance and preference for a different romance) over individual characters, namely an individual character who happens to be a teenage girl that has suffered an ungoldy amount - suffered, sometimes, at the hands of male characters we like.

In conclusion, the mass allergy everyone seems to have to giving a shit about Aelin unless its to further their agenda is sickening. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had to hear about how poor Manon’s character was “ruined” by Manorian (although not directly by DORIAN, of course, because apparently Saint Haviliard can do no wrong) I’d have enough money to buy a lamborghini and drive it off a cliff like I wish I could every time I hear someone’s terrible hot take about how Aelin is complicit in her own alleged abuse. Yet somehow I’ve never heard anyone complain about the damage done to Aelin’s character by any of the male characters, including Rowan. It’s never “Rowan ruined Aelin’s character!!” it’s “Rowaelin sucks and so does Aelin.” In fact, one of the REASONS Aelin sucks in the first place IS Rowan/Rowaelin! What a great implicit message to send to people reading your “critiques”: if you are annoying and #problematic enough, your suffering will be used against you and you will receive no sympathy for it. Cool!

And for other ships, too: it’s never “Chaol and Dorian, while at points a very good for Aelin, also caused her a lot of pain” it’s either “Chaol was right about Aelin in QoS and both he and Dorian are ruined because of her #chaorian” OR, from the fans, who, again, are not off the hook, “Chaol and Dorian and Aelin are BFFs forever #originaltrio.” And as a teenage girl myself, who loves and identifies with Aelin, who is more invested in her story than anyone else’s… I’m just tired. And more than a little appalled. And I wish we could do better.