#i missed most of phil’s this year bc i had work then too

[the-gay-phagenda]

i stg dan and phil strictly plan streams for when im at work

[areyougonnabe]

I'm nearly 150 pages into Worst Journey and Priestly keeps showing up and he is telling me so many interesting things but I'm still not sure what his Job is on this expedition all Cherry's told me is that he A) wrote a book and B) served with Shackleton and I have discerned that he Takes Photographs which is Important!!! But I am wondering if he is also perhaps. A geologist or something? PLEASE HELP.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT SWEET BABY RAY

this stylish dude began his polar career when he was chosen to go on shackleton's nimrod expedition in 1907. he was a geology student at bristol university at the time, only two years into his degree at age 20 and without any qualifications to speak of. shackleton asked him two questions in the interview (“Would you know gold if you saw it?” “Can you play a musical instrument?”) and then he was hired!

he mainly was like... the Young Man of the expedition (alongside brocklehurst who was his age but brocklehurst's role was the Rich Kid) ... the most notable incident was when he slept outside a tent during a blizzard on mount erebus (bc there wasn't room for him inside 😭), got pushed down the hill by the wind in his sleeping bag and nearly died. but he was ok!!! didn't even lose any toes!!! unlike that loser PHIL

(bb priestley on nimrod. early in his baldness journey)

there were two other qualified geologists brought along on the expedition, Edgeworth David and Douglas Mawson, who he learned a lot from, and after the expedition he spent time in Sydney cataloguing and studying the Antarctic samples underneath Professor David. this led to him getting picked right back up by Scott again when one of the Terra Nova's geologists dropped out due to tuberculosis and he asked David who he should take instead.

he wasn't part of the main cape evans party on scott's expedition but was instead the geologist for the Eastern Party, which became the Northern Party and ended up having a ludicrously bad time, trapped in a tiny ice cave for six months. (for more about that check out The Longest Winter!!)

but they rescued their own asses and ended up all getting out OK. while waiting to get picked up by the ship, priestley and debenham hung out at shackleton's cape royds hut (where priestley had lived back in the day) and sketched out the plans for what would eventually become the SPRI!!!

after the expedition, all the scientists went home to england and hung out at priestley's family home in tewkesbury while working on their scientific results. this had the hilarious consequence of two of his sisters getting married to his expedition friends (Doris to Griffith Taylor and Edith to Charles Wright). and deb missed out somehow... tough luck bro.......

(baldness journey well advanced. he is transforming into mark gatiss)

aaaand after that a lot of stuff happened.. like the war.... he got a degree in agriculture (?) then helped deb and wordie found the SPRI, and eventually became a career university administrator. he was very active in lecturing about the antarctic throughout his whole life! and even went back as a tour guide for prince philip in the 50s lmao

in conclusion: priestley you have to stop. you smoke too tough. your swag too different. your bitch is too bad. they'll kill you

[crimeboys]

relationship scramble?

this one’s basically a fleabag au with wilbur playing the role of fleabag. he and his best friend niki ran a bakery but like. six years prior wilbur left to try and become a politician and failed. badly. and ended up coming back but niki was already gone by then, tired of waiting for wilbur to come back bc he promised he would, at least to visit, but he got stuck in his own mind blah blah blah. she now works as like a campaign speech writer/consultant and wilbur is miserable and alone working at a bakery (his ass cannot bake) and has like no fucking money.

this also got too long so under the cut

the story starts at like a family lunch type deal. phil is in town for the first time in a while, he’s been traveling with his wife, kristin, who wilbur does not know that well and so does not fully trust. tubbo (wilbur's brother) and ranboo (tubbo's husband) are there as well, and technoblade (phil’s business partner/best friend who now 90% takes care of the company bc phil’s away), sally (wilbur’s ex-wife who he got pregnant at 16, subsequently had a baby with, and then they realized they were much better off friends but unfortunately they’d already had the marriage, the baby, and all of the subsequent disappointments. so they don’t really talk anymore. except for at family events or when wilbur is really, really drunk), fundy (wilbur’s 18 year old son wilbur hasn’t directly spoken to since wilbur tried to kill himself), and dream who is there as wilbur’s date but has been ignoring him to talk to technoblade. oh also michael is probably eating paste in the other room or something.

and a lot of shit happens but namely dream dumps wilbur for like the 100th time and tubbo offers wilbur money to keep his bakery afloat and wilbur lies to phil so so much and literally everyone knows he's lying except for phil.

the fic is crimeboys centric bc of who i am as a person and it’s basically like. tommy comes barging in demanding a job and wilbur at first is like “fuck no” but actually i’ll just post the scene keep in mind it's not edited blah blah blah

—-

“No, we’re not a new restaurant,” Wilbur says into the phone. Most calls are people asking that same question because of the name, Name Pending, that Wilbur and Niki thought was fucking hilarious six years ago. Now, Wilbur wants to ring their quirky little necks. “The name is just an inside joke. Yes, we’re open. Until 6pm. Because we’re a bakery, sir.”

The bell rings as the door opens. Wilbur doesn’t really need the bell because he can see with 100% clarity when people come in, but he and Niki thought it would add that touch of authenticity. As the customer continues to rant about wanting cookies at 7pm, a grimy-looking man walks in. Well, his skin isn’t grimy but his clothes are. Wilbur wonders how one can conceivably get that many stains on a shirt.

Wilbur hangs up the phone despite the customer still speaking and says, “Welcome in. What can I get for you today?”

“A job,” the man says. “If you’ve got one, I need a job. Badly.” Wilbur can afford to keep this place running maybe two months more.

“Well, I’m sorry but you’d probably have better luck-”

“No!” The man shouts, and Wilbur straightens up a bit in his shock. “No, no, no because that's what the lady at the supermarket said.”

“You got rejected by the lady at the supermarket?” They’ve got terrible turnover there. And thieves. This guy’s resume must be shit.

“Yeah, then I went to the bookstore, then the arcade, then the fucking thrift. All of them said, you’ll have better luck down the street!”

“Well,” Wilbur says with a shrug. “London.”

“Oh, fuck London.” Wilbur agrees. “Look, I really just- I just need a job, alright?”

“Yes, but I haven’t got one to give you.”

“Why not?”

“Well, I just prefer to work alone.” A lie. Wilbur misses the loud mornings of baking and music, crooning and dancing with Niki as they laughed, Wilbur always stealing at least one cookie per batch. Mornings with himself are loud in the bad way.

“Okay. I prefer having a job, personally,” the man slaps a paper on the counter. Wilbur bends over to skim it. Oh, nevermind, there are hardly 20 words. It would be hard to skim any more than that.

RESUME:

Name: Tommy Innit Prior Job: ONLY Man Ever Expected Pay: 200 dollars per hour

“Right,” Wilbur says. He folds his hands on the counter. “I’m not giving you 200 dollars an hour.”

“We can negotiate. 199.99 isn’t terrible.”

“You ever heard of minimum wage?”

“Ever heard of knowing your worth?” Wilbur’s eye twitches.

“What could you even bring to the table? You have any skills? Anything that would amount to earning 200 dollars an hour?” Tommy squints, like this question has never occurred to him.

“Work.”

“But what can you do?”

“Work.”

“If you can’t even answer a simple question-”

“Just tell me what to do, I’ll do it! I don’t care what it is.”

“Have you ever baked? Have you ever cleaned?” 

“I can figure it out!”

“Sorry, was that a no on the cleaning thing?” Looking at Tommy’s clothes, Wilbur would wager so.

“Just give me a chance!” Wilbur is not at the fucking place he can just give people chances right now. He’s going out of business, he just got dumped by Dream for the upteenth fucking time, and his little brother had the audacity to offer him money not 24 hours ago. He does not want to garner another fucking loss.

“Why won’t anyone hire you?” Tommy groans.

“Fuck’s it matter?”

“Color me curious.”

“Fuckin’- not a lot of places take ex-cons.” Well, that’s certainly something. That should probably make Wilbur’s choice even easier. But Tommy looks determined, Wilbur might be a little manic right now, and he’s tired of eating burnt fucking cinnamon rolls.

“Make a cookie and I’ll think about it.” Tommy blinks.

“What, seriously?”

“Yeah.”

“Like, right now?”

“You got any other job interviews?” Wilbur points a thumb to the actual kitchen. “Have at.” 

---

here are my notes for some of the relationships in this fic i didnt touch on too heavy uhh

quackity is a political consultant that wilbur has a very aggravating situationship with ← they just meet up a couple times a month to get drinks and piss each other off and then not have sex. this is both incredibly frustrating and also definitely part of it for both of them.

dream is wilbur’s “mutually beneficial” kind-of ex. when wilbur feels like he’s spiraling out of control, he tends to gravitate toward dream who is fine with it because he’s obsessed with control and also technoblade who he gets to hang out with if he’s “dating” wilbur. literally no one is actually sure whether they’re actually together when they’re going out but that’s fine, wilbur would die if he put any sort of label on any of his relationships, plus their trysts don’t last long and they have actually never been physically in a room alone together.

tubbo is wilbur's little brother who is married to ranboo and they have a kid, michael, and wilbur spends a lot of time being just a little bit bitter that his little brother is more successful than him but also tubbo is kind of erm. miserable he hates being a stay at home dad (he loves his son, he loves his husband, he misses Doing Things and shit) and the walls of his home feel more like a box and yeah. also tubbo offers wilbur money like right at the beginning of the story bc it’s Obvious the bakery is about to go under and wilbur is mad about that bc well. issues.

[theuniverseawakens347]

The word nigga… comes from niger Africa…( there previous history there I’ll download later) ya racist Americans come to Africa Nelson times make him and ghandi stand differently like Martin and Malcom but say they’re for the same thing …

It’s like parenting .. one has a soft approach the other aggressive “ good cop vs bad cop” SORRY POPOS.. ( poo poo… ya pigs… well take back UR REPUTATION.. ya let it get this far why!? Ya no kno what to do, OKAY I HELP) …

It’s abbreviated ya feel negative and weird hearing it cause YOU HAVE NEGATIVE HISTORY W YA NOT YET HEALED FROM. THERAPY. TRAUMA YA SHUDNT BE HOLDING A GUN… Nelson. ( desk okay good boy … and cauliflower ears … mhmm ya partner* both got things to work on… “issues”)

I digress…

Two different approach fake meet in the middle to seem “unified” … like children THE CITIZENS N PUBLIC PICK UP ON THAT …

YOU ARE A CHILD BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE IN LIFE … and ya go back to roots when ya need protection healing and understanding … requiring rewiring learning.

Sooo niger.. n EYE ger… NEVER HAD A TERM UNTIL RACIST AMERICANS BRAINWASHED CULTURE INTO AMERICA MOSTLY LOUSISANA TEXAS SOUTH STATES THRU “Mexican anex Florida” touching Africa .. FOR SEGREGATION APARTIDE ON TWO LANDS …

So America blacks and Africans mixed TOOK BACK POWER W NIGGA…

A term of endearment.. I see you brother … “this word brought me trauma how can I heel it” … BUT JUST LIKE A RACIST BELITTING SHIT HEAD,

Ya took niggahs and started FIREHOSING ANY BLACK OR DARK SKIN KIN USING THE WORDS TO HARM US …

Again, YA A TERRORIST SLAVE OWNER “oh you’re happy and free I’m still miserable… let me DESTROY ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY WHICH I THE LACK OF GOOD MORAL THINKING ONE SEES AS YOU BEING POWERFUL AND TRUMPING ME”…

Ya scared hurt lost parent inner child REAPS HAVOC AND NEEDS PARENTING .. ya need healing ..

Ya need dislocate and sit with issues face to face .. bhad bhabbie doctor Phil… but ya want fuck on something or be a complete little shit to ppl who are actually trying to help …

Ya need PSYCHWARD ya got a mental disconnection w neutrons and training for more BAD ONES TO GROW …

And psych wards need to change ya treat ppl like savages and expect them to “get better” but ya don’t really care about that… MOST DOCTORS SHUDNT EVEN BEEN IN THE WARD YA THINK “I’m baby sitting a restarted person no need to do anything but the bare minimum “ .. AGAIN HELLEN KELLER GOLDEN RULE…

Switch shoes. How ya want someone to treat you if you KNEW YOURE NOT CRAZY YA JUST GOT TEMPER YA DONT KNOW HOW TO CONTROL AND LASH OUT MAKES YOU LOOK PSYCHOPATH …

Ya “doctors” and nurses need new case studies on the mental what seems a person mentally ill and WHAT LEVEL ARE THEY…

Charles Manson dahmer to … Harley Quinn, joker , me.

It’s levels in everything, but ya start at child hood assessment to teen years ya get enough knowledge about a person from then on …

But ya issues is … “oh I saw myself in here and COMPLETELY FORGOT IM NOT DIAGNOSING MYSELF ITA MY PATIENT IM HELPING” … which then means ya gon turn ur client into an experiment “I’m too professional to leave my job or scared to ask you questions so I’ll be fickle and get what I want my way w my degree” … instead of saying ya no what..

Like surgeon in ER AND POLICE AND JUDGE .. WHEN LEGAL “ ur family I can’t work so close to ur case”

ITS REASONS FOR THAT HIPPA VIOLATION YA LET YA EMOTIONS GOVERN WHEN YA NOT IN A STEADY PLACE TO DISCIPLINE THEM… Lee

“Fuck if I see myself in these behaviors are the outsiders going to think it’s me I’m talking about when I talk shit about cashay and work soooo damn hard to do dirt in her name… how do I AT ANY MEANS PUSH IT OFF OF ME AND ONTO ANYONE??” …

YOU NEED MENTAL HELP … bc WHY YA COMMITING CRIMES YA NO READY TO DO TIME FOR .. no logic in ur thinking .. ur missing hierarchy of needs… so you murder bc it bring chemical relaxation* and those elements BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY MISS I KNOW BAD FROM GOOD BUT BAD GETS EASY FIX … ur an addict even if its not drugs … ur creating ur own drug chemicals and imbalacing it as fuck … COW BRAIN WO RAW MEAT …

——

Nothing wrong w excitement FUCK YEAH I THINK LIKE GOD GHANDI BRÜNA .. but are you gloating “such and such would have done … said blah… make me better cause I’m in alignment”

NOT BETTER JUST ON THE RIGHT TRACK TO HELP HEALING GROW UP AND FORWARD AND NOT BACKWARDS … check ya self.

I do my little one two head bob cause I ATE .. meaning I know someone gon like it but ion toot my horn n rub it in ya face … even friendly competition drake ft Chris brown dance …

Okay less twin boys… ya poompoom dance n grey shorts ya sexy Alize by men … no your fault make uncomfortable to dance or be in “less clothes” … especially being telepathic “picking up others thoughts … is this me or someone else”

Ya need vacation alone time sit w you… monks journey ya learn who’s who and what’s what ya twins ya close but share a weird … “grudge” inside might be wrong word but tension ya gotta be alike all the time … Lee industry thinking and Beyoncé “it’ll make you cool but get a little freedom be more you” … but he’s ur filter… filmer.. but phone on ground and dance boys .. girl… spend time alone more often … ya telecommunicate even from far UR ONE PERSON SPLIT … that’s a different topic

[seyenna]

Philza and/or Techno and/or Ranboo fic recs

just some of my fav dsmp fics, mainly phil, techno or ranboo bc i’m biased but also a bunch of sbi and others

this one goes out mainly to zablr discord my beloved

pls tell me if the links don’t work

all of these are on ao3

rating\status(complete/ongoing)\warnings\word count\misc tags

ichor flows free amongst the iron by summer_rising

T\o\violence\13k\series\gods AU

Summary:

A gods and goddesses AU of the Dream SMP, dramatized for all our benefits.

First work:

  "Two gods meeting on a mountaintop overlooking the stormy sea? Very classy, Dream, I appreciate your taste."

  Dream didn't turn to look at him, but the faint shake of his shoulders let Techno know he had heard.

  "Scar's healing up nicely, I see," Techno mumbled with a light nod of his head.

  "Mhm. Cut nice and clean. Not that I expected any less from you, of course."

   ~~

   The god of power and the god of luck meet on a mountaintop to discuss Luck's standing in the ongoing political disaster.

We're Only Young by ImperialKatwala

G\o\-\66k\series\Dream & Technoblade

It's easy to forget amid the chaos and bloodshed how similar - and how young - Dream and Technoblade really are.

And when the sun comes up, you'll find a brand new god. by SkyboxZoo

M\o\violence\19k\gods AU

Summary:

The wounds from the fight had healed nigh instantly, but the golden blood still soaked Techno’s shirt. His cloak had gotten torn off and his hair had fallen out of its pony-tail. Ichor pooled in his boots. The man left a trail of golden, bloody footprints in his wake.

old gods (new gods) by WriterWinged

T\o\-\9k\series\gods AU

Summary of first work:

Survival, Blood, Madness. Philza, Technoblade, Wilbur Soot. Three gods who have never cared for mortal life, who play with them when they want to, who kill their toys just as easily. How, then, did a mortal end up in their hands?

This House Is A Fucking Nightmare by SilverWing15

T\c\-\17k\series\sbi

Summary:

AU Where Phil isn't quite as willing to stand by while his sons drop like flies

Summary of third part (my fav):

Does lingering too long in the shadow of a god make you a god? The voices in his head seem to think so.

His brothers know he's older than them but they don't know how much

OR: Technoblade doesn't think his brothers realize how different they are from ordinary men. After all, ordinary men may fight the gods, but they don't win.

It's been a long day. by BecausePlot

G\c\-\3k\Philza & Ranboo

Summary:

Sides are bad: he knows that much. He’s seen it tear people apart time and time again, so when he decided to separate himself from Tubbo and keep his distance, he knew he was in the right.

Well. He thought he was in the right, at the time. Sitting all by himself on the steps to the Prime Path, he’s not so sure anymore.

Yes, the sides might have torn the others apart, might have made them so weak that they have no choice but to fold under Dream’s hand, but at least they aren’t lonely.

So are sides bad?

‘I don’t know.’

~*~

Or, Ranboo looks out at the ruins of L'Manburg, feeling more lost and lonely than he ever has.

But, as he soon finds, he's not as alone as he thinks.

the voices in my head, they say a lot of things by rosyasteria

-\c\violence\1k\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

Some days the voices didn’t listen. They didn’t let up. They screamed instead of whispered, relentless, assaulting his ears until they bled.

tell them i was the warmest place you knew and you turned me cold by rosyasteria

-\c\-\2k\Techonblade-centric

Summary:        

Technoblade cared. But in the end it just fucked him over.

For the majority of his life, Techno felt like less of a companion, less of a family member, and more like a weapon to be wielded. 'The Blade' they called him; never 'friend'.

It Leaves Little Time for Anything Else by mirandible

M\c\-\1k\part of series\Dream & Technoblade

Summary:

   A young man aims for the top, but fate has other plans for him. So does Technoblade, apparently.

   (Or: answering the question of “Why does Techno hide his scars if they’re supposed to be some sort of trophy? Why keep your point of pride a secret?”)

the best requiem is a bar of silence (and I'll sing it, even if I must hold back my tears) by jello12451

T\o\-\10k\Philza & Technoblade

Summary:

   He can’t help the noise of celebration that escapes him. Techno- this means that Techno’s free, and he got his horse back, and everything is alright-

  Tubbo, filled with rage at Phil’s cheers, turns and impulsively shoots an arrow.

   He doesn’t expect to hit his target.

---

  Alternatively: What if Phil didn't have a bucket of water when Tubbo shot him?

Change fate by being aggressively kind by sircantus

T\o\-\13k\sbi, Philza-centric

Summary:

   “You do understand that you’re caring for the thing meant to bring destruction and chaos to our world, right?” The woman asks, Phil looking behind him fondly as Techno grabs at the ends of his wings.

   “He’s just a child.” Phil answers distractedly, humming as his wings get gently yanked at.

   “He’s the first of three to destroy life as we know it! Shouldn’t we, well, get rid of him?!”

   “Oh, no.” Phil raises his eyes with a sharp glare. “Believe me, I have my own way of preventing the apocalypse.”

   ---

   Or, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy are basically chaotic forces of nature, destined from birth to end the world and bring destruction. Most who hear of the tale of them are trying their best to track them down, and to end the monsters while they’re still young, still just children.

   Phil has a different plan.

   (In which Phil raises the minecraft equivalents of the anti-christ with love and support, so much so to the point where the world ending is really just a funny thought, and Phil has three kids who casually have powers that are bit more extreme than anything else in the world)

I promised you that everything would be fine by findingkairos

G\c\-\6k\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

   manifestation: (n.)

1.     an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something abstract or theoretical;

2.     a version or incarnation of something or someone;

3.     an appearance of a ghost or spirit;

4.     the Blood God.

When he's young and still alone, still establishing his reputation as the immortal warrior, Technoblade makes up an imaginary friend.

Years later, the blood god is very real and very much a god: one that is prepared to do anything for their first and only friend.

the inner mechanism of a black box by Bee_4

T\c\violence, self-harm\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

   Technoblade lets himself get imprisoned for Philza’s sake. He doesn’t plan on being there long. Unfortunately, he’s underestimated Pandora’s Vault.

   There are things that will make even the Blade fall apart in due time, as it turns out.

carry all my sins by BananasofThorns

T\c\-\4k\Ranboo-centric

Summary:

Ranboo swallows. “All my armor and weapons and stuff are missing. Fundy and I were gonna go looking for them after the festival, I think.”

“I see.” Tubbo smiles again, but this time it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s just a festival. We could probably find someone to lend you a sword or an axe or something.”

He starts towards the stage, waving at people when they call his name, and Ranboo follows. The original panic has dulled to a cold buzz in his chest, but apprehension still wraps itself around his body like chains. He doesn’t like being without his armor and tools; he feels too exposed, and if something happens, he’ll be helpless.

“Ranboo?” Tubbo calls, glancing back.

Ranboo shakes his head and hurries to catch up. “Yeah, it’ll be fine,” he repeats. “Everything’s gonna be fine."

Tubbo grins. “That’s the spirit.”

Rule 5: be loyal. L'manberg doesn't do well with supposed traitors. Ranboo deals with the consequences.

Sojourn by Lacy_Star

T\o\-\13k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

“Well…” Ranboo started slowly, “You see, uh… I kinda… don’t have a house anymore, obviously. Um… Phil found me in—“ He paused, cutting himself off and squinting at the floorboards— very discreet, “Phil… found me. And… um… He said I could stay by you guys. Like, um, by the dog house he wants to build?” He paused, then began to ramble, “But, uh, if you don’t want me here, I understand— and I’m sorry for coming in your house when you weren’t here, I swear I didn’t touch anything— it was just cold outside and—“

Techno just stared at him. And how, how was this the second time this had happened to him? How was this the second time he returned home after battle to discover an injured teenage boy waiting for him, seeking assistance with nowhere to go? And how badly had that ended last time, in nothing but betrayal and insults?

---

AKA: Phil drags a half-enderman home after Doomsday, and Techno decides that they can keep it. For now.

can an axe count as rent? by aboutfivebees

T\c\-\4k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

Ranboo’s struggling to settle into his new life on the Arctic Anarchist Commune, but at least he’s got bread.

or the struggles of an enderman hybrid to come up with a housewarming gift to give to his friends, who are just trying to adopt him

The Caged Bird Sings of Freedom by StarPrince_Punk

T\o\-\25k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

The Blade's stance was still tense, his body prepared to fight at a moment’s notice if need be. “What’s your name?” Phil asked “My… name?” The Blade asked. “Yeah. Your name isn’t actually The Blade, right? That’s like a stage name?” Phil tried to keep his tone light. “What’s your real name?” The Blade hesitated. “No one… No one’s called me by my name in a long time.” ------- When Phil comes across Ranboo in his panic room after L'Manberg's destruction, it reminds him of when he first met Technoblade. And just like when he met Techno, Phil's first instinct is that he has to help this kid. While living together, Techno and Ranboo learn that they're much more similar than they had previously thought, and Phil learns that it's not too late for him to be a better dad.

This already feels like more of a home by H3118ENDER

T\o\violence, death\18k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

As the ashes of L'Manberg settle the conflict continues to come to life setting the stage for a new wave of blood shed. Stuck slam in the middle of past and present friends Ranboo is coming to learn that even without nations to their names feelings and feuds don't die but people, people do.

A Shadow of a Shadow by unappetizingegg

T\c\-\4k\ Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

There were a few beats of silence, and then- “What are your plans, now? Do you need a place to stay?”

That caught him off guard. Surely he’d heard incorrectly. Phil was offering him a home, right after he’d orchestrated the destruction of his past one? It didn’t make any sense, none of it did. Why would Phil say that?

Then he remembered, he remembered Techno stopping him in the fight. He remembered being handed his book, the question in Techno’s gaze. He swore, in that moment, Technoblade, the Technoblade, had been worried about him. He remembered that he had been told to leave, to run, to get away and preserve himself. He had spared him, he remembered that Techno had spared him.

Techno had helped him. Phil had tried to protect him, to get him away from the danger.

They were there for him.

 ---

alternatively:

Ranboo is alone. But he really isn't.

Meritocracy by oddsbodkins

G\o\-\18k\Dream & Technoblade, sbi, medieval AU

Summary:

Dream is more successful than he'd ever imagined - but there's one thing that's been bothering him. Technoblade, his biggest rival, the Acolyte of the Blood God and King of the Arena, went missing last spring, just before Dream got the chance to duel him. Without that one achievement to pave his way, all the following victories have felt cheap.

So, Dream hired some goons to dig Technoblade up and pester him into coming back to the Capitol, for one last showdown. Easy enough, right?

Interlude I: "Promises to Keep" by Ozzyyy

T\c\-\1k\part of a series\Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

These woods are lovely, dark, and deep But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep.

--

Techno has a plan. It's crazy. It's insane, it's actually just batshit bonkers. But if chaos cannot be enjoyed together, then what's it worth, yeah? There's a certain beauty in watching the world burn from the center of the flames. Phil intends to be there.

I Don't Want To Start A Fight (wouldn't you rather start a riot?) by KryOnBlock

T\c\violence, death\15k\Technoblade & Philza & Ranboo

Summary:

An universal ping rang out from behind him, the third and final he knew, and Phil sobbed, clutching the body tighter.

Techno didn’t move.

It always has been Technoblade and Philza, Philza and Technoblade. Take on half, and you shall never go back.

Sheltered by Lulatic

G\c\-\6k\Ranboo & Technoblade

Summary:

It was cold outside. But Techno never heard Ranboo complain.

That was the best excuse he could muster to keep him out.

Antarctic Princes 'verse by BirchWrites

T\o\-\15k\series\sbi

Summary:

Loosely-connected one shots set in an AU where the Antarctic Empire and the Dream SMP are in the same world. Ordered chronologically, but each fic can be read as a standalone thing

Summary of first part:

Oh shit. Forget arrested; Dream’s going to have to tell Wilbur that he watched Tommy get stabbed for being terminally stupid.

May we cross paths again by QueenLunaFreed

G\c\-\1k\Dream & Technoblade

Summary:

“Even if tomorrow it’s just us versus the entire server, Dream, I’m telling you right now - I have confidence.”

---

Dream couldn’t comprehend the pacing contradiction in front of him, the weakness he could clearly see, but would never comment on. Because this man has been defying Dream's expectations since they first met, because despite them not being friends and having no reason to trust each other, Dream knew that Technoblade is the only person who he’d trust to do this right. To destroy L'Manberg alongside him yet again, this time for real.

leave me your starlight by findingkairos

T\o\-\18k\Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

For you the world, Phil.

Once upon a time, Philza Minecraft is the only person who does not shy away from the bloody teen that regularly turns the tide of war.

This cements a friendship that will last wars, empires, worlds, and lifetimes.

 ---

(Featuring: Back to Back Badasses, healthy relationships, accidental deification, intentional world domination, and Phil's past coming back to haunt his best friend.)

[lillian-nator]

Them being mixtapes are a great idea, what if after Tommy gets drunk initially, dream gets dared to steal them, so he does, then he forgets that he has them and when Tommy Wakes the next morning he's in a panic bc The Mixtapes!! - 💙

Yeah! Something like that could work. 

I have two ideas, one of them I came up with during Spanish class, and the second one I came up with right now. 

Idea A.

My original idea is based off of the fact that Tommy like a week after he is told not to hang out with Dream anymore, goes and sneaks out to hang out. 

So, about two weeks after the party Tommy gets a text from either Purpled (who’s parents have no clue about the party) or Dream saying that ‘the gang’ was going to be hanging out at this abandoned bridge Karl found a while ago when he was driving around the town. So, Tommy, being the dumb fucking teenager he is, sneaks out his window with just his phone and a really thin jacket, and heads to the fucking abandoned bridge. 

So, like, it’s really cool lets not lie here. Like its an abandoned bridge, and a bunch of teenagers ranging from 15 to 19, are just sitting on it, legs dangling and shit. Here comes Dream doing some whack-ass parkour, and Big Q walking on the edge. I mean - lets not lie here either, Tommy is doing some dumb-ass parkour shit too, hanging from ledges and shit (no wonder Wilbur wants Tommy to stay the fuck away from the Dteam they encourage Tommy’s dumb shit). 

Enter BIG Q the resident family pothead. (this is Big Q the character we are talking about - and more so Big Q the character in this specific au, even though Big Q the character is also probably a pothead, not Quackity the person k cool). Anyways, so while they are all busy endangering their lives atop this ginormous abandoned bridge, Big Q is just chilling, smoking a joint. It gets passed around a couple times, just cause they were chilling at like 2 am in the morning - and what can I say, they are sleep deprived teenagers, they are gonna do some stupid shit.

Anyways, during all of this, they are playing truth or dare, and half way through Tommy just passes out leaning on Dream - because they are like best friends pog. So, then Dream gets a dare to steal Tommy’s mixtapes, because George saw Tommy listening to them on the way here. All of the boys know how much the mixtape means to him, and they really just want to see his reaction, but when Tommy woke up like 30 minutes later, he just gets up and stumbles home because he is cold and tired and really fucking hungry. 

So Enter Thomas Innit. Coming home at 3am, just straight through the front door because he is high out of his mind, and having a great time. Phil - who is the one who caught him - doesn’t catch on straight away because he doesn’t know the symptoms of being high, and lets not lie here, Tommy is really good at getting out of shit. (flashback to that one time he convinced niki to drown instead of niki convincing Tommy not to). 

What Phil does notice though, is that Tommy is wearing someone else’s jacket. 

It’s SapNap’s varsity jacket. 

So Tommy starts getting a lecture about sneaking out at night and how he was not supposed to hang out with Dream or SapNap, or that group of boys, until he is ungrounded. (did I mention that Phil definitely grounded Tommy for going to that party). Not to mention that he left the house when he was grounded; like Tommy what the hell? 

But then Wilbur comes downstairs because he is an awfully light sleeper and hears the commotion downstairs. Tommy, who is already kind of angry because he was having a really good time with his friends, and he knows that Purpled isn’t getting this lecture - and that Tubbo is still asleep - not to mention he really just wants to fucking eat. 

So, he pushes past Phil to get to the chip cabinet when Wilbur enters. He looks confused at first, but then spots the jacket. Wilbur is just getting ready to fucking kill someone when Phil pulls him aside and tells Wilbur that he had already given a lengthy lecture, and that he should lay off Tommy for the night. 

Wilbur begrudgingly agrees, only because he knows that lectures from Phil are the worst. So, he sits at the counter, and asks Tommy to hand him a bottle of water when he sees that his brother is snacking on the chips. Sure, Tommy takes a good minute to react, but Wilbur put that aside to sleepiness as it was 3am in the morning. 

As soon as Tommy turned around though, Wilbur’s anger shot through the roof. I mean, Wilbur could tell. He had spent enough time with Schlatt half-high trying to make out with Wilbur, to know what being high looked like - and that look was on his fucking 15-year-old brother. He could see it with the red-rimmed eyes, and the far off look, not to mention that Tommy had never been that relaxed in his life. 

He quickly stood up, almost knocking his stool to the ground, and grabbed Tommy by the chin to look at his face.

Phil: “Wilbur what are you doing? I already told you that I gave Tommy a lecture. Just let him eat -”  Wilbur: “Are you fucking high right now?” (I feel as though it is important to mention that Wilbur like growls this)  Phil: “What?” (you know how phil says this) Tommy: *like a moody teenager, gritting through his teeth* “No.”  Wilbur: “You’re fucking high.” He laughs, “Who the fuck gave you weed?” Tommy: “I don’t know. It was passed around! Can I have my chin back bro, I’m fucking hungry.”  Wilbur: “No you can’t ‘bro’. Why the fuck did you smoke weed?”  Tommy: “Why not? You hang with stoners.”  Wilbur: “Schlatt has smoked a couple times, I wouldn’t call him a stoner. And also, he’s fucking legal! He is 18 years old!”  Tommy: “Well Big Q is 18 too!” Wilbur: “So it was Quackity then? I’m gonna beat the shit out of him.” Wilbur goes to storm off, but Phil stops him.  Phil: “Both of you calm down!” Phil sighs rubbing his temple. “Tommy we are going to fucking talk about this in the morning. But, I’m not going to let you kill a Junior Wil. We will sort this out tomorrow. I know you aren’t happy, and I’m not either, but the kid is probably high out of his fucking mind right now, I’m not going to let you take advantage of that.”  Wilbur: He brushes Phil’s hand off of his shoulder, storming into the living room. “Fine. I’ll beat him up when he is sober. It’ll be funner anyways.” 

Tommy just storms up to his room, pissed that he didn’t get to finish his the rest of his chips, when his phone buzzes. 

It’s a text from Purpled asking if Tommy knows where he put his shoes. Tommy stifles a laugh, trying hard not to fucking wheeze - the weed wasn’t making this easy on him - but decides to throw his phone across the room, and faceplant onto the bed, hoping that tomorrow would never come. 

Let’s just say that Techno is mildly confused when he waked up the next morning to Wilbur pacing the room, and Phil tiredly drinking his third cup of coffee - chip bad thrown on the counter. 

And the mixtapes? Well, Tommy doesn’t know their missing. And Dream? He fucking forgets he has them. 

Idea B.

Dream steals the mixtapes on a dare the night of the party. 

Tommy doesn’t notice that he doesn’t have them the first few days. He is really, really just focused on the fact that he is upset at Wilbur. 

I mean, he tries hard not to be, because Wilbur came and picked him up from a party where he would’ve probably sat in just pure pain for the rest of night. He might’ve found safety in one of Dream’s guest bedrooms, or even in Dream’s loft bed - but he most likely would’ve crashed at Tubbo’s and he couldn’t deal with Eret’s rant right then. 

He loved Tubbo’s brother - sure, but he knew that if his own brothers saw the pain he was in, they would quit the lecturing for the night and just try to help him. 

He was right too. They helped him into the house, and stayed up with him when he threw up all night, and had a massive headache. They gave him Tylenol and tums, and dimmed all of the lights. Tommy wasn’t upset that he called his brothers no - but he wouldn’t be a teenage boy if he wasn’t irrationally angry at Phil for grounding him. 

He spent most of his time in his room, listening to music, or sneaking Tubbo through the window. Tubbo wasn’t fucking grounded - but then again, Tubbo barely had a few drinks of beer, and Tommy had uh - a few cans. 

In the long run, his brothers ended up being less angry with him and more angry at Dream for giving him the beer - which really didn’t make sense in Tommy’s mind due to the fact that he was the one who drank it, and he was the one who snuck out to the party in the first place. But, he guessed that it was the perks of being their baby brother, they could never really stay mad at him. 

But after a few days, he went to look for the tapes, and they were fucking gone. He didn’t know how to tell Wilbur - he couldn’t face Phil or Techno knowing that he lost his most prized possession. 

He came into Wilbur’s room bawling at like midnight one night, and Wilbur - who had no clue what was going on - just had to comfort his little brother. Through choked sobs Wilbur learnt that he had lost the tapes, and that he was ‘so, so, sorry wil. I don’t know how it happened, they were in my backpack when I got there.’ 

And what does Dream do with the disk? Well you’re gonna have to find out I guess. 

[writing-wrxngs]

Winter Day

(I got the idea for something with wintery vibes very suddenly as I was walking to my math class the other night. It’s only mid November but we got our first little snowstorm cause I live right on Lake Ontario. It was shit to actually walk through bc I was underdressed and not about to take the elevator back up 8 floors and change. Still, I got super excited to see snow! I love winter, or at least the romanticized version of winter. Also this is hella long, enjoy!)

It was the Saturday after a snow day, which meant an extra free weekend for Techno, Wilbur and Tommy. For the older boys, it meant a break from all the work being loaded on their adolescent backs. Tommy was only in his first year of school so he was just excited for a long weekend away from boring teachers.

Phil let the boys sleep in even more than usual. It wasn’t often school closed on a Friday, they deserved a treat. They had spent most of the snow day messing about and had tired themselves out. Instead, he sipped his coffee in the kitchen and waited to see which boy would roll out of bed first. To his surprise, it was Wilbur.

“Mornin’” the boy mumbled, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. He walked over to one of the cabinets and pulled out a bowl. Setting it down on the table, he went to the pantry and grabbed a random box of cereal from the top shelf. The ease with which he was able to do that still surprised Phil. Wilbur was growing like a weed, and even at his age, was taller than his father already.

Phil watched this ritual silently. Tired teenagers were like wild animals, and agitated easily. Of the two older boys, Wilbur was the one with the worse sleeping habits. Neither of them slept well, as was expected of teenage boys, but Wilbur was definitely the stereotypical tired out insomniac. Phil had no clue what kept him up, and let him for the most part, as it seemed like any attempts to help the boy change his sleep schedule failed.

Once he was done making the cereal, Wilbur sat down to eat. He scowled as he took the first bite. He might not have paid attention to what cereal he got, but he still wanted a particular one. Whatever. He had already poured this bowl. It wasn’t bad, either, just not what he had hoped for. The disappointment already wavering, he continued on eating.

It wasn’t long after that Techno came down the stairs. “Wow,” he said as he entered the kitchen. “Wilbur’s awake before me?”

Wilbur looked up from his cereal. “Don’t,” he replied morosely.

Techno couldn’t help but chuckle at the response. “What, didn’t sleep or something?”

Groaning, Wilbur turned to his brother. “I slept. I slept quite well, thank you very much,” he snapped.

“Doesn’t sound like it,” mumbled Techno.

“Like you would know. You somehow act just fine no matter how much sleep you get. I’m just not a morning person.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll back off,” said Techno. He did indeed back off, leaving to find himself some breakfast.

Phil shook his head at the two of them. Not in any disapproving way, more so a playful acknowledgement of their behavior. Their petty little fights were unstoppable, so he let them happen, waiting in case the fight escalated.

Wilbur finished his cereal as Techno sat down to eat his breakfast. After that, he left to go back to his room.

In his room, he flopped haphazardly onto his bed and relaxed. He wasn’t tired or anything, he just wasn’t awake yet. From his bedside table he picked up the book he was reading last night and continued where he left off. From over the top of his book he saw Tommy leave his room and head downstairs. He was finally alone for a while. Tommy would be a while downstairs, occupying Phil, and knowing Techno, he’d stay down there the whole time, talking about something Wilbur couldn’t care less about.

It was whatever. Wilbur was quite adept at slipping out of familial situations. Tommy and Techno seemed to fill his father’s time plenty anyways.

To his surprise, and perhaps even his chagrin, Techno came in earlier than anticipated. “So like, why’d you lie about not sleeping at breakfast?” He asked as he sat down on his own bed. “You know I know when you’re up.”

Wilbur slapped his book closed. “I lied ‘cause it’s nobody’s business.”

“We literally share a room. Your business is my business. It’s my right as the eldest to bother you about it.”

“Don’t you have things to do besides be a dickhead? A recital to practice for? Strategy books to read?” Asked Wilbur.

Shaking his head, Techno said, “I’m not in the mood for that today. Spent all of yesterday doing things like that ‘cause of the storm.”

Wilbur nodded in agreement. “More than I did. When did snow days become boring?”

“Well, Wilbur,” said Techno, “they got boring for you when you started spending all day waiting for a girl who definitely isn’t gonna call you to call you.”

Wilbur shot a glare at Techno. “At least girls have my number.”

Rolling his eyes, Techno shrugged off the comeback. “Seriously though, Wil. You should do something.”

“I was doing something,” said Wilbur, gesturing to his book.

“I mean actually doing something. Get out of bed. I know, come downstairs and we can do a little sparring.”

“If you just wanted some sword practice, you could’ve just asked me,” said Wilbur dryly. In all honesty, it didn’t sound like a bad idea. “Gimme a sec to get dressed and I’ll meet you down there.”

Techno nodded and left Wilbur alone to change out of pajamas and into something more fitting for a fight.

He walked downstairs and into the practice room. Well, half of it was a practice room. It was still technically a playroom, with half of it still having Tommy’s toys strewn about. In the half dedicated to the older boys, part of it had all their musical instruments in a corner, with sheet music and guitar tabs haphazardly splayed about on stands. The part that mattered was the fighting corner. It had practice weapons, and fighting dummies. Phil had this part put in a year ago, at the boys schools suggestion, after Techno’s third suspension for fighting.

“You ready to lose?” Asked Techno, who was waiting for him in the corner.

“Losing won’t sting too badly, there’s no audience,” replied Wilbur. “Can’t bruise my ego if no one sees it.”

“You’re still gonna lose.”

Smirking, Wilbur said, “I know, but what’s a win if there’s no witnesses?”

Techno tossed a practice sword to Wilbur. “You’re really taking all the satisfaction out of this, you know.”

Catching the sword, Wilbur nodded. “I know. It’s called mind games, Technoblade. I thought you’d know all that, with all the war books you read.”

“I think it’s called ‘delaying the inevitable’. Get over here and fight me.”

And that’s exactly what Wilbur did. Techno was correct. Wilbur did lose, but then again, Wilbur always lost. They weren’t kids anymore, and Techno had long stopped giving his little brother pity wins.

Wilbur got himself up, and turned to leave. As he did that, the good mood he had fell. Tommy was standing in the doorway.

He didn’t even say hello. “How come you always lose?” He asked.

“How come you never let people know you’re watching them?” Retorted Wilbur.

“I just got here,” said Tommy. “I’ve been watching cartoons, but they’re over now. Dad said I could play outside if you and Techno watched me.”

Techno, who had been putting away the swords turned to the other two. “And who says we want to watch you?”

The question made Tommy think. “Me,” he said, stretching his arms out to fill the doorway. “I won’t leave until you say you’ll go.”

“Kid, I can literally pick you up with one hand,” said Techno.

“Didn’t he try to bite you last time you did that?” Asked Wilbur.

Yes. Yes he did. Techno grimaced at the memory. “I think we’ve just been cornered by a five year old.”

Wilbur silently agreed. “Fine. We’ll take you.”

“Yes!” Cheered Tommy, who immediately ran out to get dressed.

The two followed behind, knowing he’d take longer than the two of them, seeing as he was younger and getting dressed more than they were. Still, it was decently cold out, so they threw on some heavy jackets and your usual winter accoutrements. After slipping on some boots, the two older boys followed Tommy out.

With intent, Tommy marched out to the back yard, which was piled high with snow from the storm. “You know, it kinda looks like a fort,” Tommy said, looking at the snowbanks. “Oooo,” he mused. “We could have a snowball fight!”

“We’d pummel you if we did a snowball fight,” said Techno.

“Well, maybe we could do teams?” Tommy suggested.

Wilbur shrugged. “I mean, me and Tommy would be pretty equal to one of you, Techno,” he added.

“Not really but it that’s what you wanna do, go ahead,” Techno said.

“Yes! That’s what I wanna do!” Said Tommy, already dragging Wilbur to one of the snowbanks.

Once there, Wilbur hunkered behind it, not easily hidden the way Tommy was. “Start making snowballs, go!” He whispered, then standing up. He turned to Techno, who was behind his own snowbank. “Now,” he said, putting on an extra dramatic voice for Tommy. “These are the official rules of duelling with snowballs! Number one: you cannot start throwing until the end of the count! Number two! You must announce when you’ve been hit! And number three: first one to hit their opponent ten times is the winner! Understood?” He called out.

“Understood!” Called back Techno.

Melodramatic? Yes. Did it keep most of the other neighborhood children from playing with them? Probably. But was it fun and made Tommy look at Wilbur like he was a god? Absolutely. “Oh-Kay! Three! Two! One! Go!” He shouted, immediately dipping behind the snowbank. A snowball whizzed above his head.

Tommy chucked one, and to everyone’s surprise, landed the first hit of the fight.

“Hit!” Called Techno, who went down to collect more snow.

“Nice one, Tommy!” Said Wilbur, throwing a snowball and missing. As he shook off the loss, was hit square in the chest with a snowball. He made a noise as the impact was made, then called the hit. He left Tommy and moved to another part of the snowbank for a different angle. As he did so, Tommy tried to hit Techno again.

Techno, being Techno, dodged it. He instantly retaliated.

The hit almost knocked Tommy backwards. “Ow!” He cried, before shaking it off. “Hit!” He called out, heading back down and rubbing the shoulder that was hit.

Tommy’s reaction made Techno pause. He wasn’t sure if he actually hurt Tommy or if he was just being a baby. It could be hard to tell. This pause was just long enough for Wilbur to pelt him, hitting him on his cheek.

“Get your head in the game, Techno!” Teased Wilbur.

“It’s not my fault! I was only standing there cause Tommy acted like he got shot!”

“Just call the hit, dude,” Wilbur said.

“Fine,” Techno said, rolling his eyes. “Hit.”

This went on for some time, them calling hits until they were almost tied. Seven to nine, Techno’s favor. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tommy, so he turned went to throw a snowball at him, but Tommy jumped out of the way just in time.

While Tommy distracted Techno, Wilbur ambushed him, and got a hit off, as called by Techno.

And then, Tommy pelted another snowball at Techno.

“What the hell?” He asked, dumbfounded by the ambush. “Hit,” he added realizing he hadn’t called it. Both of his younger brothers were on him, and very close. Closer than he knew they were. He was stuck. They would obviously the final blow as soon as he went to make a snowball. They already had snowballs.

“And you said it wouldn’t be an even matchup,” said Wilbur. He tossed the snowball in his hand once, then whipped it.

It hit Techno right in the face. Frowning, he wiped the snow off of his face and called the hit. “You guys won. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.”

“We are,” said Tommy.

Before Wilbur could get in a snarky comment, the back door opened. It was Phil, who had popped his head out now that he saw his sons were done with their game. “You guys have been out for too long!” He called. “Get inside before one of you gets sick!”

“Fine!” Wilbur called back, already heading to the front door.

Techno and Tommy followed behind, and they took off their winter gear together in the foyer. Both Wilbur and Techno wiped their glasses on their shirts to defog them as they walked into the living room, taking in the heat of the house.

“I was gonna call you boys in earlier, but you were having too much fun,” said Phil from the kitchen. “I figured I’d use that time for something else.”

Tommy was the first to notice, and broke out into a run. “Hot chocolate?!” He asked in surprise.

The older two followed behind, the suspicion correct. Wilbur eagerly grabbed a mug and sat down. “Thanks,” he said, taking a sip. The warmth spread through his chest and into his stomach.

“Did you three have a good time out there?” Asked Phil.

Wilbur nodded.

“Me and Wil beat Techno!” Added Tommy.

“I saw,” said Phil. “You wanna tell me about it?”

Tommy’s eyes lit up. The chocolate already giving him a rush, he began to tell Phil the story of how he and Wilbur conquered their older brother.

Watching this, Wilbur couldn’t help but smile into his mug. Today was a good day. He hated to admit it, but Techno was right. Getting out and actually doing something did make him feel better. Now, even though it was still midday, he felt good. As much as he sometimes felt out of place in his family, he still loved good times like these. Yeah, today was a good day.

[fyreb1rd]

Write it!!! even if its just a small draft you should write it down so you can expand on it later!!!! you might forget abt it if you dont write it down right now!!!! GO VIVI GO!!! -Cyber

cyber said it so ur getting a bullet point list, but it’s actually pretty long so —

Phil was a mortal adventurer in some (currently unnamed) kingdom, and one day he’s just called up to the castle by the king. The king offered him a high position in the castles court if he could save his daughter (aka the princess) from a loosely termed ‘cult’ that had kidnapped her to use as bait for the enderdragon

Phil, being Phil, was like “sure m8” and took on the quest having little to no information about this cult,,, and then realizes he shouldn’t atleast asked for a starting point. But he’s resourceful and manages to speak to various different people in the kingdom until he had some ideas about the cult, and where they may be.

He ends up running into Eret and Foolish as they’re wiping out a group of the cult and the three stop at a river to wash off the blood and Phil helps to heal them with potions while they explain that the cult had planned to use trained withers to kill the enderdragon, but they were struggling to train the withers, and causing mass destruction. The princess told them to knock it off, and actually killed one of their withers by herself (which no one had done up until that point) which was why they’d captured her

Foolish says she’s a spitfire girl, and she’ll probably not accept Phil’s help but she seems to be getting weaker after being kidnapped. Phil’s like “o shit respect” and bids farewell to Eret and Foolish at a tavern that night and hunts off in the direction of the stronghold. Now his plan is to wait out the group at the stronghold and stop them from going inside the portal room.

He mostly succeeds in this plan, but takes a pretty bad hit to his hip and they manage to get past him and they shove their way into the portal. He quickly follows after them, now just worried they’ll kill the dragon (because it was the hatchling, since Phil killed the original dragon, which was why the king wanted him to help— I feel like I should’ve clarified that earlier??)

He manages to kill most of the cultists until out of fucking no where this random girl slams the remaining three off the end island. Phil’s fucking amazed because this woman has wings which aren’t common at all. The two introduce themselves to one another and Phil finally learns the name of the girl he’s been chasing down, Kristin.

They go back to the kingdom after healing themselves and the hatchling, and Kristen hides her wings under a cloak. She explains that she got the wings “from the void itself” and because Phil really doesn’t want this random ass girl to stab him or something, he just agrees with her. When they return to the kingdom, which isn’t too far from the portal, everyone’s so excited their beloved princess is back.

The king keeps his word and Phil becomes a pretty high up officer in the nations army. The next couple of years goes smooth, and he keeps ranking up, until he’s asked to take over the small kingdom. He asks Kristin if she’s okay with it, considering she’s the technical heir, but she encourages him to take it. So he becomes a king.

During this time, he and Kristin do end up getting married because obviously I need my tiny bird man and his giant death goddess wife.

When Phil and Kristen are around their forties, Kristin falls ill with some unknown illness. She asks to go to the end one more time, so Phil takes her, and she holds his hands as she stares into the void until she passes. Obviously, Phil’s distraught bc his wife of a few decades just DIED but I swear that’s not the end

So the void likes Kristin so much, since she nursed the hatchling dragon back to health, it makes Kristin a goddess. And since, in my headcanon, the void is connected to death, she becomes the goddess of death. She finds Phil back on the same island where she died, now having a new physical form, and they let her body fall into the void to sort of hide the fact she’s now immortal.

Kristin decides Phil’s joining her on this life mission too, and grants him wings to be her Angel, and now he’s like Demi-immortal or however you wanna phrase it

They return to the kingdom, and continue ruling for a few more years before Phil comes across an illegal fighting ring and the champion fighter; a piglin hybrid simply dubbed The Blood God. He approaches Techno after the fight, and the two actually slowly become friends until a major war suddenly hits the kingdom.

Kristin is more concerned about protecting the nation itself, so she decides with Phil that they should enter the war defensively. They fight the war that way for years, until Phil and Techno meet again and Techno asks Phil just to take a run into the fight with him. The two go into a battle and wipe the battle field, both having been fighting for a long time solo.

Rumors soon begin to spread of the “Angel of Death” and the “Blood God” ruthlessly tearing up the enemy lines, and soligers begin engraving wings into their armor and panting them black for good luck (or doing golden crowns for strength)

The war ends only a year after the nation switches to being offensive instead of defensive and they end up wiping out major numbers of kings, emperors, presidents, queens, etc. to take their land

Thus, the Antarctic Empire is born with Phil as the emporer, Kristin as the Empress, and Techno as one the general of the whole army. It’s generally peaceful because no one really fucks with the empire, and during this era both Wilbur and Tommy are born and start to grow up.

When Wilbur is thirteen, he goes on his first solo mission and founds New Foundland. He lives there with Tommy for a few years, just to humble the boy and teach him how to fend for himself in the wilderness as a just in case.

During this time, the castle is seized, and Phil is killed by a group who wanted to overthrow the kingdom. Techno sends some of the guard to go and grab Wilbur and Tommy while Kristin tried to revive Phil. It ends up working, as he’s destined to not die until Kristin deems it’s his time to go.

The family lived all together for a few more years, this time with the addition of Tubbo.

Oh, how did Tubbo get here you ask? His kingdom, where he lived with his father in an End city, killed his dad and kidnapped him as a sacrifice for Techno. Obviously, that’s a lot to unpack, so they commonly say Tommy just found Tubbo one day while out exploring.

When Wilbur is thirty three, Tommy is sixteen, and Tubbo is fifteen they all leave to go visit a new continent that had been discovered (The Dream SMP) and they form L’Manburg after mistreatment from Dream. That’s where the story begins.

I missed explaining the magical aspects of this AU but hey, backstory is fun too :)

[yikesola]

a definitive ranking and analysis of my top5 fav phan formsprings

this i love for a lot of the reasons i love their early tweets and their dailybooths and (of course) formsprings bc it was a clear beginning of things that would become a part of their repertoire for the next decade and yet here it was new and giggly and just as precious. teasing phil for his wild northern ways, upping his southland poshness, we see that constantly in their banter even into today and the best part is that whoever is making the joke is the one who gets the upper hand of course. here it’s dan bc sounding like the queen is obviously what quintessential british accents require right? but when phil does it, dan’s the uncultured one bc phil has all his slang (made up or otherwise) that dan is missing out on so thoroughly that he just has to take phil’s word for it (orrrr as a waffling that @ahappydnp​ and i were engaging in, he tries to ask kath or nigel if their son is full of shit and of course without missing a beat they back him up “oh yes, uggies, we use that all the time!”) 

i also think it’s adorable when they point out things that make them different, since they of course have so many damn similarities. it’s nice-- it’s a good formspring! 

this makes me feel things on many levels. on one hand this is an early example of people poking at them to find out exactly ~what~ dan and phil are to each other, and it’s early enough that it doesn’t quite feel like knives yet, but it’s clearly the beginning of a pattern that would continue and build and grow invasive and that’s :/

but, let’s focus on what i love about this formspring, bc there’s plenty to love! first this is a classic example of phil deflection (make em laugh, make em laugh, make em laaauuuugghhhhh!) and it works! he doesn’t have to say a goddamn thing that he doesn’t want to. privacy king! but also just what the joke he’s gone with implies: all of the above. they are, they always have been, everything to each other all at once. he loves dan and would date dan and is clearly already married to dan, and has to problem fondly laughing out an “i hate you” to dan. they just threw themselves into the deep end right from the beginning, as soon as it was clear what they meant to each other there was no holding back-- all of the above. 

so much with so little ;__; it absolutely kills me! it’s just not even a question. i think there’s a few options people’s mind jump to with this kind of question and usually it’s achingly human like “grab the nearest person and smooch them” or “eat an entire thing that i’m allergic to and never get to enjoy” or the most tender example that dan gave which is “tell my mother/child/person that i love them”

but hey let’s think about that ,, what would that 30 second phone call look like?? is he calling to ask for help? phil is someone who wants to help, he’s someone who has helped dan many times before. is he calling because phil can at the very least calm him down? take away the panic? or is he calling because the thought of those final thirty seconds being spent with anyone but phil is just impossible? would he even tell phil he’s dying? would he just call to say something stupid, just to ensure the last thing he hears is phil’s laugh? it’s melodramatic and too much too soon but wow if dan doesn’t mean it when he says ringing phil is his first and last instinct, and god do i love that for them

there was never going to be any doubt that this is my top phil formspring! it’s just ,, wow can you believe phil invented tenderness? i sure can! 

because let’s ponder for a moment what that means: dan smells like warm. he smells like comfort and safety and home. he smells not like something tangible, something bottled, something replicated. he smells like life and closeness and midnight whispers. phil, king of lateral thinking, didn’t say he smells like whatever deodorant middle class white boys were drenching themselves with in the early aughts. he didn’t say dan smelt like something out of their in-jokes (cherries, caramel macchiato) or even something simple but Nothing like “idk he smells fine, he smells good, he smells whatever” 

no--

he smells like warm ;__; 

it’s why small animals fall asleep the second they’re in his arms. it’s why cuddly tactile phil gravitates towards him. dan’s warmth radiates through him, out of his goddamn pores. 

oof <3 ten years on and this one hurts so good! we give phil a lot of credit for his knight of wands prediction (and rightfully so) but this here hurts in a different way. the intentionality of it all-- that’s the plan, if dan has anything to say about it then yes, he and phil will be best friends forever. there is so much good meta about the different ways that both dan and phil approach the concept of fate, and when you think about what it takes for dan to sit there and say he doesn’t believe in soulmates but accepts that phil is his that’s like ...... that’s telling. but fate is something dan doesn’t think just happens-- as with everything in life, it has to be worked for. he and phil are compatible, but he had to work to get his attention in the first place. they had to work that first year to see each other when there was the length of the country in between them. they had to work to balance their careers with their private lives, they had to work at remaining a strong unit despite the stressors of the closet, they had to work to overcome various family tragedies, mental health struggles, and the wear and tear of daily life. it’s part of the plan, a plan where the details change all the time based on where they are in their careers or what their personal life goals are or whether they now have to adjust their travel schedule to the needs of their darling son Norman. but the barebones of the plan, the fact that it was, is, always has been and always will be, dan&phil vs the world? that’s been the plan from the beginning. top tier formspring-- unparalleled!

****

Meta for @phandomficfests Bingo Fest, prompt: formspring

[phantasticworks]

Don’t Ask Me How I’ve Been (Fake Happy) Chapter 2

This took forever to post bc of college and finals but I’m finished for the year so I finally had time to finish this! Thank you for reading!

read on ao3

Words: 10.3k

Description: Dan wakes up alone after his night with Phil.

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, some abusive relationship content (not between dnp)

There’s light streaming in through his bedroom window, and Dan groans into the pillow. He had no idea what time it was, but at the moment, he didn’t really care. There was a throbbing in his lower back, and as he gains consciousness, he slowly remembers the events of the night before.

With a start, he sits up, looking at the spot beside him where Phil should have been.

Except, the bed was empty.

Dan frowns, puzzled, as he rolls out of bed and glances around the room. He’s alone in his bedroom. A pit of anxiety begins growing in his stomach, but he forces himself to calm down. Phil probably just woke up early and went to the bathroom or something. Dan stumbles over to the en-suite, but he can already tell that’s a dead end, as the door is wide open, the light off.

The nervous feeling in his stomach refuses to settle, but he tries not to freak out. It’s fine. Phil might’ve gone out to the lounge or something to wait for Dan to wake up.

The lounge is empty.

After a quick round through his flat, Dan realizes he’s actually alone. He wonders if maybe Phil had left a note, maybe he’d missed it in his panic. He slowly goes back to his bedroom and searches every surface. Nothing. The same result in the kitchen, and lounge. It’s as if… As if he was never here in the first place.

Dan is uncertain why that hurts as badly as it does, but before he can think too far into the why, the reality sets in, and tears start leaking from his eyes. There was no way he’d made up the whole thing… Right?

He manages to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to remember he had a cell phone. Maybe Phil had texted him to explain where he’d gone!

It’s not until Dan’s sitting down on the sofa and unlocking his phone that he realizes two things. One, he’d definitely skipped the awards show last night, and all the missed calls, messages, and social media notifications that were waiting on his phone was proof of how much shit he’d be in the minute he got in contact with his manager. And secondly, he had never thought to get Phil’s phone number.

Shit.

He ignores all the messages to open the Uber app, swearing when he realizes the settings no longer allowed him to see Phil’s number. The only option he has is to contact him through the app, but he has no idea how desperate that will make him seem. Then he recalls that he never actually paid Phil, so without another thought, he clicks “Contact Driver” and begins typing.

Dan: Hi. You’re probably busy so I’m sorry for interrupting, but you left before I could pay you for the ride. Do you want to meet somewhere so I can pay you?

He contemplates the words for a moment before deciding to just go ahead and send it. It’s not going to make him feel any worse if he does, and maybe when Phil responds they can go out for coffee or something and actually talk. Besides the fact that he’d had a great night with him in bed, Phil seemed to share a lot of his interests, and he’d really like to get to know him better. Especially since things were over with Ben.

With the reminder, he realizes he’s still got a ton of unopened messages and many missed calls, most of them likely from his manager. Reluctantly, he goes to his missed calls, deciding to get the worst of it over with now. He clicks on Annette’s name, the number fourteen red beside her name. He cringes as he waits for her to pick up.

“Daniel James, I swear to god, if you ever-“ She doesn’t even say hello, just immediately starts yelling at him.

He can understand this, but at the same time, he’d already been having a shit morning, he didn’t want to deal with this too. “I know, Annette. I know. I’m sorry.” He heaves a sigh, leaning back on his sofa and rubbing a hand down his face. “You know why I didn’t want to be there,” he says softly.

She’s quiet for a moment before she finally sighs. She sounds almost exhausted as he feels. “I know, Dan.” And she does. Annette had known how in love Dan was with Ben from the moment he’d convinced her to sign Ben to the company. Dan had already been working with them for a little over two years, but when he’d met Ben, he just knew he had potential. He’d begged Annette and the rest of her team to sign him, and eventually, they caved, assuming it would be for the best.

Oh, how the tables turn.

“How’s he handling the win?” Dan asks, bitterness lacing his tone. “I’m sure he’s letting it go to his head, huh?”

There’s a pause, and Dan feels a little uneasy at her silence. Then, “Dan, he didn’t win.”

“Oh,” Dan says slowly. He hates himself for it, really, he does, but he can feel himself feeling sorry for Ben. He’d wanted this so badly. “So, who did?”

Now, Annette just sounds amused. “Have you checked literally any of your notifications?” She asks, rather than answer his question.

Dan’s confused. “Um, no. I haven’t been up long, and I figured I’d get my ass chewed out if I didn’t call you the minute I woke up.”

Annette laughs at this, and Dan’s relieved to hear the sound. So, he wouldn’t be in nearly as much trouble as he thought, especially if Annette is laughing. “Good call.”

“So… Who won?” He repeats his question, the curiosity eating at him.

“You did, love,” Annette says gently.

Dan feels as if all the breath in his lungs has been knocked out. “I… What?”

There’s another laugh. “I don’t know why you’re so surprised, dear. The film was a huge success, and you did wonderfully in it.”

He’s having a difficult time wrapping his head around the idea that he’s just won an award, an actual, proper award, for his acting. Then, guilt swarms in as he remembers he hadn’t been there to accept it. There’s a tightness in his throat as he wonders who accepted it on his behalf. “Oh… Did… um, who-“

Annette seems to know where his mind is, because she cuts him off. “I did. I didn’t think you’d want Ben to do it, and it wouldn’t have looked good for his current… narrative.” The word comes out strained, and Dan is pretty sure he knows why. Their manager wasn’t thrilled that Ben decided he wanted to be portrayed in a specific heteronormative way, and Dan thought that the reason probably had a lot to do with himself. Annette was somewhat of a mum to him, and she had told him many times that Ben was a right twat. Unfortunately, she’d been right.

“Oh. Thank you,” Dan says sincerely. He really would have the worst time if Annette wasn’t his manager. “I’m sorry I skipped it.”

“Not a problem, Daniel. We said you were sick. You weren’t out doing anything stupid, right? If it leaks that you were out and not actually sick, we’ll have a hell of a time explaining it.”

Dan shakes his head before he remembers she can’t see him. He sits up and moves to take the mugs, still full of tea from last night, to the sink, a thought striking him as he goes to stand. “Oh. I didn’t exactly go out and do anything stupid, but…” He trails off, uncertain how to tell her. He knew technically it wasn’t her business, but he knew that she’d want to know just in case the story of him sleeping with an Uber driver ended up in the press. Not that Phil would do that. But still, better safe than sorry.

“What did you do?” Annette says with a wary sigh.

“Um, well… I had a hookup-“

“Oh Jesus, Dan. Did they know who you were?”

“Well, yes, but-“

“Dan, you’ve really got to be careful about that kind of thing. What if he’d hurt you?” Annette asks, voice full of concern.

Dan sets the mugs in the sink, an uneasy feeling in his chest from her words. “Phil was harmless, he wouldn’t have done that.”

Annette is quiet for a long time, and Dan starts to wonder if maybe the connection had failed. Eventually, she speaks. “Is he still there?”

Now it’s Dan’s turn to be quiet. “No… He was gone when I woke up. But, he probably had other clients, it’s not like he-“

“Jesus Christ, Dan! You hired a hooker?” Annette is near screaming, and Dan’s face floods with heat.

“No!” He shouts, embarrassed that he’d made it sound that way. “He was the Uber driver, not- fuck, Annette. Obviously, I didn’t hire a hooker.”

“Okay,” Annette breathes, sounding relieved. “That’s definitely more manageable. Do you have his phone number?”

Dan shifts awkwardly. “No,” he admits.

Annette sighs, but doesn’t sound surprised. “Well, that makes things a little more complicated.”

“Why do you need it?” Dan asks, confused.

“In case he decides to go to the press, Dan. We need to be able to get in contact with him.”

Something swirls in his stomach, and Dan knows he’s not going to be able to keep his mouth shut this time. “Phil isn’t going to go tattle that he slept with me. I seriously doubt he’d even consider doing that.”

“But how do you know that?” She asks, gentle.

Dan huffs. He doesn’t want to admit how infatuated he was with Phil, not yet. And especially not to Annette, of all people. “I just don’t see why he would. Would that even be a story worth selling? I’m already out. There’s no secrets here. If anything, it would make Ben look less like a liar.”

Annette seems to consider this. “I suppose,” she says slowly. “But I’d still rather you try and get his information, so we have it, just in case.”

“I already messaged him,” he reassures her, moving over to his kettle to fill it up with water. He desperately needed a cup of coffee.

“Good. Well, congratulations on your win, Dan. You deserve it. Take it easy, okay? Oh, and call your mum. She’s already called me twice, she wants to congratulate you.”

Dan groans, but agrees. “Thanks, Ann.”

“Mhm,” is her response.

The phone call ends with a beep, and Dan sighs loudly. He can’t help but go check his Uber app, hoping to see a response from Phil. Nothing.

With an unsettled feeling in his chest and a heavy sigh, Dan goes about checking the rest of his notifications as the water in his kettle heats up, wondering about a man with black hair and blue eyes the whole time.

~

Three weeks.

Three weeks pass, and Dan doesn’t hear a single peep from Phil.

Twenty-four hours after his Uber ride had scheduled to end, he’s no longer given the option of contacting the driver, so his contact with him is thoroughly severed.

Dan can’t help but be mad, at himself for not getting Phil’s phone number, but also at Phil, because who the fuck has that kind of night with someone and then just fucks off to Neverland? Phil, apparently.

Over those three weeks, Dan has a lot of time to overthink everything that happened that night. He wonders what he did that made Phil decide to leave with no note or anything left behind, and eventually, he comes to the conclusion that it was his oversharing. Who does that? Who ruins a perfectly nice hookup with a perfectly nice man with all of that ridiculous emotional baggage? Dan, apparently.

Despite the fact that Dan’s thoughts feel consumed with worries about that night and where he went wrong, he still has a life to live outside of that. That life includes a celebratory party at his agency in honor of his first big award win, a party that, thankfully, Ben isn’t invited to. Dan had all but begged Annette to make sure he didn’t come, but in the end, she hadn’t had to make a single call. Ben informed the team that he and Sophia would be going on holiday to Edinburgh only a couple days after the awards show, the purpose of the trip apparently so he could meet her parents.

Dan tries not to let that hurt too much, but if he gets wine drunk and breaks the vinyl records Ben left at his flat after hearing the news, well, that’s his business.

He does slowly start to come to terms with the ending of that chapter in his life, even if some of his coping mechanisms aren’t exactly ideal. The only good thing about it all is the timing, because he’s not set to start filming his part in a new film for another month, so until then, he’s got all the downtime he needs to have his breakdown.

A breakdown that includes some nights of copious amount of alcohol, or sometimes just copious amounts of food. The breakdown may also include a few nights of wearing Ben’s old clothes and sobbing into the fabric, but when the worst of it is over, Dan washes the clothes and folds them neatly, placing them in a cardboard box to start the process of packing up Ben’s things.

The process is more taxing than he’d originally anticipated, though, so eventually he finds himself putting it off for another time. It had only been a week and a half at that point, and something about stuffing Ben’s belongings into a box made him almost sick. It almost seemed like he’d died, and while the rational part of Dan’s brain knew this wasn’t true, the panicked, nervous part just screamed at him to leave it for another day.

Along with the packing, Dan had also taken to spending more time at the agency, mainly just to stay away from his too-empty apartment and, admittedly, to distract him from the thoughts of Phil that still swarm in his brain. Logically, he was aware that it was essentially a fluke; he’d barely been in the other man’s company for four hours, there was virtually no reason for Dan to feel as attached to him as he did. And yet, there was just something about Phil that Dan felt inexplicably drawn to.

Whatever the reason was, Dan had essentially given up any hope of ever seeing the man again by the time three weeks had passed since that night.

On the three-week mark, he found himself out of his usual routine when he’s invited to a house party. Apparently, it was just going to be a few people from his agency and some other people in the business, no one of any real importance from what he could gather. Just an ensemble of up-and-coming artists who for some reason thought getting drunk and making embarrassing memories together would strengthen their work relationships. Or something like that, at least.

Dan had agreed to go only on the principle that he hadn’t been spending much time hanging out with any of his friends outside of work lately, and sometimes he did miss them. Well, some of them, at least. There was a couple, or namely just one, coworkers that he’d rather not see, but with the hope that a house party would seem far too childish to Ben, Dan agrees to go.

When he shows up at Christopher’s house, the party is already in full swing. It’s not as bad as college house parties; there weren’t gaggles of drunk people loitering around on the lawn, but Dan wasn’t so sure he could say the same for the inside. With a heaved sigh, he plasters on a fake smile and makes his way to the door.

He doesn’t bother knocking, Christopher never knocked when he went anywhere, and Dan could hear how loud the music was from here; no one would even notice if he knocked. When he steps inside, he’s almost immediately called over by the host of the party himself.

“Dan! Dan the man! Come on, mate, we’re doing shots!” Christopher’s obnoxious voice calls over to him from his spot in the lounge, a group of familiar faces surrounding him.

Dan tries not to grimace, but it’s hard. He doesn’t like getting drunk with a group nearly as much as he did back in his teenage years, as he’s got this awful tendency to spill his guts about every secret in his life. That tendency had gotten him into a lot of trouble with Ben over the years, so eventually he’d stopped drinking so much at parties.

“Good to see you, mate,” Dan says amicably when he reaches the group, patting Christopher on the back. And it was, Christopher was one of the only actors that were signed on at the agency that he actually liked. Some of them weren’t horrible, exactly, but Dan did have standards when it came to his friends.

“Here you go,” says a girl called April as she hands him a shot glass.

“Thanks,” Dan nods to her. He glances around the room to survey the attendees for anyone else that he was friends with, mainly so he’d have an excuse to escape Christopher before his drinking games began. “Nice party, mate, I-“ He begins, eyes still flitting around the room. He cuts himself off abruptly when he sees blonde hair and a leather jacket.

No. Please, no.

But yes, it’s unmistakably Ben, and standing next to him is a petite girl with platinum blonde hair, much lighter than Ben’s could ever hope to be without serious work. Sophia.

Dan can’t help but study Ben, checking to see any visible signs of discomfort or grief. He doesn’t find any, but as he watches him talking and laughing with the few people around him, Ben’s eyes suddenly flick up, meeting his own briefly. His face flaming, Dan quickly turns back to the group he’s with, downing his shot at once. Okay, so maybe he’d have a couple drinks tonight.

“You alright, Dan?” Comes a quiet voice to his left. Dan glances over and finds Erika, Annette’s assistant and one of his close friends. She’s holding a water bottle, and Dan knows from previous party experience that it’s just that- water. She doesn’t drink, and Dan thinks that at this moment he’d never been so grateful to see another human being.

“Erika! I haven’t seen you in ages,” Dan says brightly, avoiding her question as he leans down to hug her.

The brunette smiles up at him but bites her lip and flicks her eyes over somewhere behind Dan, and he knows that she’s seen Ben. It wasn’t like everyone at the agency knew that Dan and Ben had been a thing and weren’t anymore, but it certainly hadn’t left the attention of his PR agent and some of her staff. If he wasn’t so anxious after seeing Ben, he’d probably be embarrassed about how the sight of Ben made him react.

“How have you been, love?” Erika asks in a soft voice, only barely loud enough for Dan to hear her.

He glances over at the group, and realizing they aren’t paying any attention to them, he nods for her to follow him to a corner to talk quietly. “I’ve been better,” he says with a bitter laugh.

She levels him with a pitying smile, and he feels a tightening in his throat, which he hates. “I heard that Ben moved out,” she says quietly.

Dan clenches his fists, trying to remind himself that Erika didn’t mean anything by it. It’s not like she knew all the details; he hadn’t even told Annette the full story. The first day back at the agency after the awards ceremony, she’d asked what exactly happened, and he’d given her the shortest answer possible, just explaining that he would be moving Ben’s things out soon. He’d left it at that.

“We weren’t really living together in the first place,” Dan mutters under his breath, looking down at his shoes and half-wishing he had gotten a drink from someone before this conversation.

Erika sends him a disbelieving look. “Sure, but his things were living at your flat, right?” The thing about Erika was that while she was a sweetheart, she was not afraid to call him out on his shit. It looked like this would be one of those times.

“Well, they aren’t going to be for long. I’ve already started packing it up.” He wasn’t going to pretend that she was wrong; Erika knew more about his and Ben’s situation than even Annette did.

It’s quiet for a few moments before Erika speaks. “I’m sorry, love,” she says gently. “I can’t even imagine… You know you can come stay with me anytime you want, right? If you just need to a change of view or some company.”

He knows her offer is sincere, but he hated to be a burden. “Thanks, Erika. I’ll let you know if I need a shoulder to cry on, but for now I think I’m handling it okay.” He offers her a smile to soften the blow of his rejection.

If it bothers her that he didn’t accept the invitation, she doesn’t let it show. Instead, she points to a group of people by the fireplace. “Did you hear that James and Phoebe are sleeping together?” She asks in a conspiratorial voice.

Dan laughs at this, more than glad that the topic of their conversation has moved to something that isn’t his own life. “I hadn’t, but I can believe it. James is just making his way ‘round, huh?”

Erika’s eyes sparkle, and Dan can tell she’s glad that her distraction is a success. “I think the only people he hasn’t slept with are the guys at the agency and me, of course,” she giggles.

“Imagine that!” He replies, shaking his head with a fond smile. “He wouldn’t sleep with a lesbian?”

“Yeah, I think-“ she starts, turning to gesture to the fireplace again.

She’s interrupted by a voice Dan definitely didn’t want to hear. “Gossiping, are we, ladies?” Ben sneers.

Dan huffs, turning to face him. His breath gets caught when he sees him up-close for the first time in three weeks. He looks good, obviously, with his stupid blonde hair and his stupid leather jacket. He’s got a smirk on his face when Dan looks at him, and Dan can only imagine how much he’s enjoying the way Dan is obviously still very much attracted to him.

“Not about you, sadly. Do something interesting with your life and you might just make an appearance in our little chats,” Erika says in a sickly-sweet voice.

Her sarcastic comment breaks Dan out of his stupor, and he tries to hide his smile. Ben looks at her with distaste, much the way that he looked at everyone else he thought was beneath him. “Right, because I want to be the center of attention in your little gay fantasies.”

Dan scoffs at that. “As if, mate. You would want to be the center of attention in a room of serial killers, even if they were trying to kill you.”

Ben narrows his eyes at him. “At least I’m not scared of the attention I get,” he snaps.

Shrugging, Dan shifts to lean against the wall, trying to put some space between them. “Not scared, just don’t get off to it like you do.” Dan smirks as he says this, seeing the perfect opening for a remark he’ll probably regret. “And I would know about getting you off, huh, Ben?”

The blonde clenches his fist at his side, and Dan instinctively flinches away. He doesn’t even realize he’s done it until he hears Erika gasp softly beside him.

“You need to go. Right now.” She’s glaring at Ben, a look of pure hatred on her face. Dan had never seen her look so livid, but right now she looked absolutely disgusted.

Ben shifts his glare onto her, laughing loudly and crossing his arms. Dan’s eyes flit around the room, and he shifts awkwardly when he realizes that they’ve got quite a few eyes on them at the moment. “Erika…” he says lowly, trying to keep her voice down.

“So, Danny needs a bodyguard now? Poor bastard can’t defend himself, so he needs you to do it for him?” Although Dan knows he’s speaking to Erika, he knows the words are meant to hurt him.

“No-“ Erika starts, stepping closer to him and poking his chest harshly.

“Erika, stop, just-“

“Don’t act like you don’t get off to someone taking care of you, Daniel. We both know you’re just a little bitch who can’t take care of himself,” Ben taunts, a smirk on his lips.

Dan’s teeth grind together, and he gently tugs on Erika’s arm to pull her away from him. He appreciated the thought, but he knew Ben, and unfortunately, he knew that he was absolutely the kind of person to swing a punch, even if the person in front of him was a woman. “That’s enough, Ben. Wouldn’t want everyone in here to figure out all your little secrets, would we?” Dan raises a brow in challenge, knowing damn well that Ben doesn’t want anyone to know about their past.

Ben clenches his jaw, but steps back. He glances around the room, and it seems like everyone who was watching them suddenly realizes how rude that is, as almost every pair of eyes flit away. “We both know you wouldn’t say shit, faggot.” Ben spits the word out, and Dan can feel his blood boiling.

“You seem to forget that I’m not the one stuck in a fucking closet. I’d watch my fucking mouth, if I were you,” Dan replies snidely, his anger giving him the confidence to say something so bold to Ben.

With his eyes narrowed, Ben leans in closer, and it takes everything in Dan to not flinch away. “You can call it what you want, but we both know that at the end of the day, you’re just another hole to fuck,” he whispers, just loud enough so Dan can hear over the music and chatter.

Dan doesn’t even think before he does it. One moment he’s feeling the pain and anger of hearing the man he once loved say that to him, and the next he’s shoving him, hard.

Ben loses his balance and falls to the floor, effectively quieting the room. He looks almost as shocked as Dan feels, looking up at him with an expression Dan has never seen on his face. Dan can feel his hands shaking and he knows he’s about to have a breakdown if he doesn’t leave.

Before he can even consider it, he looks down at Ben, a frown on his face. “I feel sorry for you, Ben. I really, really do.” He glances around the room until he catches sight of Sophia, who looks shocked at the scene in front of her. “I just hope she’s not as stupid as I was.”

Sophia stares at him, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion at his words. He knows it’s not his concern, but he hopes that for her sake, she breaks up with Ben. She really was a sweet girl, she didn’t deserve the kind of shit life she’d have if she stayed with him.

Without a second glance at the man on the floor, Dan murmurs a quick goodbye to Erika before heading to the front door. Christopher yells out to him, probably to try and get some sort of explanation, but Dan waves him off, pulling his phone out as he steps outside. He’d taken an Uber here, but he hadn’t asked the driver to hang around, considering he thought he’d be there for several hours, instead of less than one.

He quickly goes through the app and orders a car, walking out to sit on the side of the road until it arrived. A message popped up saying there was a driver less than ten minutes away, and he was more than relieved to see that he wouldn’t be stuck out here long. He’d hate for anyone to come out here to check on him, or try and ask him what had happened, which was honestly the more likely outcome.

Barely ten minutes later, a car is pulling up close to the house. Dan stands and tucks his phone into his pocket, slowly making his way over to the car. Something about the color is familiar to him, but it doesn’t full set in until he’s almost to the car. He stops dead in his tracks, staring in silence as the driver’s side window rolls down, revealing a face that’s been keeping him up at night.

“Um… Hi,” Phil says softly, scratching the back of his head in an awkward fashion.

Dan doesn’t speak. It’s almost as if he’s seeing a ghost, but he can tell that Phil is definitely there, and he is very much about to be alone in a car with him.

“Uh, you can… Um, you can sit in the passenger if you want,” Phil stutters out awkwardly, gesturing to the seat beside him.

Silently, Dan moves around to the passenger side of the car, his mind stuck on the fact that after three weeks, he’s actually seeing Phil again. He puts his seatbelt on slowly, staring at his hands as he does so and trying hard not to look over at the driver. As soon as he’s buckled up, however, he’s got nothing else to distract himself with.

“Do you need my address?” He asks flatly, staring straight out the windshield instead of looking at Phil.

He can feel the other man’s gaze on him, but he refuses to meet it. After a quiet sigh, Phil speaks. “No, I remember how to get there.”

“Okay.”

It’s silent in the car for a few moments, and Dan doesn’t know if that’s worse than talking about the obvious elephant in the room. He doesn’t know if Phil even wants to talk about it, but he knows that he’s biting his tongue to keep his thoughts to himself.

Eventually, Phil seems unable to handle the silence. “How have you been?” He asks softly.

Dan can’t help it. He glances over at him, an incredulous look on his face. “I’m sorry?” He asks, as if he hadn’t heard him right.

Phil clears his throat, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. “How have you been? It’s been… about three weeks, right?”

With a bitter laugh, Dan shifts to lean his head back. “Yeah. Three weeks. I’ve been doing just lovely, thanks for asking.”

There’s a beat of silence before Phil says, “I don’t think you’re being honest.”

Dan whips his head to the side to stare at Phil. “Well spotted,” he snaps.

Phil lets out a deep breath, and Dan can tell he’s becoming agitated. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

This time, Dan really doesn’t think he’s heard him right. “What?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowing together.

“I’m sorry. For… well, for not answering your message, for one. And…” He glances over at Dan then, swallowing hard, and Dan’s eyes flit down to take in the movement. “And for leaving without telling you.”

Dan can only stare at him in silence for what feels like a long time. He’d wanted that apology, but now that he’s got it, he doesn’t feel any better. If anything, it only manages to make him feel worse. “Right,” Dan says, clearing his throat. He glances out the window, relieved to see that they’re already almost to his flat. Luckily it was a short drive this time, because although he’d spent the majority of the past three weeks thinking about Phil, he’s finding that he really doesn’t want to be around him right now.

“I get why you’re upset with me, Dan, really, I do, but please say something.” Phil’s voice is almost begging, and Dan knows it won’t take long for him to cave.

Dan laughs once, without humor. “I don’t have anything to say, Phil. We fucked, and you disappeared right after. There’s really not much to comment on there, if you ask me.” He shrugs, trying to sound as nonchalant as he can.

“Dan…” Phil says softly, clearly upset.

They’ve pulled up to his building, and Dan knows he’s got to ask. It’s eating away at him, and he knows he’s got to have an answer. “Can you just tell me why?” He asks, finally turning to properly face Phil once he’s brought the car to a stop. “Was it… Was it not good for you? Or was it the fact that I told you all that shit about Ben? Because you literally told me I could talk to you about it, and I…” He trails off, his throat slowly closing up. He shuts his eyes tightly, trying to stop the tears. “I really wanted to be friends. Like I didn’t want to just fuck you, you know.”

“It’s not that! It wasn’t any of that, Dan, I swear. I just… I can’t…” Phil’s voice cracks, and Dan’s eyes flutter open to find him staring at him helplessly, his eyes watery. Some sick, hurt part of Dan is glad to see that Phil is upset. It made him feel slightly better about his own pain, in a weird way.

“Is there… is it someone else?” Dan whispers, almost not wanting an answer. He’d be sick, actually sick, if Phil told him he’d cheated on someone else with him that night.

“What?” Phil sounds shocked. “No, Dan. God, no. I don’t do that.” He’s shaking his head adamantly, and Dan believes him. The relief he feels at the reassurance is immeasurable.

“Then?” He questions, raising his eyebrows. “What the fuck?”

Phil takes in a deep breath, leaning back in his seat and letting his gaze flit away from Dan and onto the building they’re parked in front of. Dan doesn’t think he’s going to answer at first, but after a few moments, he begins speaking quietly. “I’m not good enough for you,” he breathes. “I’m not an actor or anyone special, okay? I wish I was, but I’m not. I’m just me. I work at a video store and drive for Uber to make ends meet, and I just-“

Dan cuts him off with a harsh laugh, pulling out his wallet and counting out enough money for this ride and the last one, since he’d never gotten to pay him. “That’s ridiculous, you know.” He can’t help the way his voice cracks. “Pulling the whole “it’s not you, it’s me,” thing. It’s good, but I really expected something a little more impressive.” He places the cash on the console between them before stepping out of the car.

“Dan, please-“ Phil starts, looking stricken.

“You know, I really thought that we just clicked, you know? Like the whole time we were together that night, I felt like we had a lot in common, and it was such a relief to be around someone who wasn’t a total dick, but I guess I’ve never been great at character judgement.” Dan shakes his head, a grimace on his face. He slams the car door shut, ignoring how badly he wants to turn around and apologize for what he’d just said.

“That’s not fair,” Phil calls to him. Dan turns around to find Phil stepping out of the car.

“No, what’s not fair is you acting like you gave a damn about me and then leaving without saying shit. Do you know how that feels? Like, honestly?” He swallows hard. He hadn’t given a name to what he’d felt since seeing Phil again, but he felt like he finally had some clarity. He felt used. As if Phil had only wanted to sleep with him because he’s “famous,” not because he actually liked him.

“I’m sorry, Dan. Please, I didn’t-“ he steps closer, holding his hand out as if he wants to touch Dan.

On instinct, Dan flinches away. The look of hurt on Phil’s face then almost breaks his heart, but he refuses to act as if it did. “It felt like being used, Phil. That’s how it felt.”

Phil’s shoulders sag then, as if he’s just deflated. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Dan. I just… I’m not like you. I don’t have money, or a ton of friends, or some amazing career. And, you… You deserve whatever you want, Dan.”

Dan shakes his head slowly. “What I wanted was you,” he mutters before turning to go inside his flat.

“Dan, please, I just-“

Without so much as a glance back, Dan walks into his building, shutting the door behind him with a firm click.

~

A heavy cardboard box sits at the end of Dan’s sofa, haphazardly closed with some scotch tape. He hadn’t bothered labeling it; when he dropped them off at Annette’s office, he’d make sure she called Ben in to come retrieve them. Dan had no desire to see the man himself, and he knew his manager would take care of it for him. With a heavy sigh, Dan allows his gaze to sweep over the lounge, making sure for the last time that he’d collected all of Ben’s belongings.

After finding nothing that didn’t belong to him, Dan moves to the kitchen. He was almost certain that he had already gotten everything of Ben’s from the cupboards, but he planned on double checking just to make sure. He opens the cupboard where he kept the coffee mugs, and his gaze catches on one in particular. He pulls the stupid Mario Kart mug out and without a second glance, tosses it straight in the bin. It was a shitty mug anyway, he reasons with himself as he turns back to the cupboard.

With nothing else left in the kitchen to remove, Dan makes his way to his bedroom. He’d left the final box in there, and after a quick check he would be done with packing everything up. He specifically avoids looking at the items already filling the box, instead turning to riffle through his dresser. He’d left one empty for Ben, and although he’d already emptied it out, he knew that Ben had a tendency to stuff his clothes and things in the other drawers, too. After finding nothing but an old Napoleon Dynamite t-shirt, he slams the drawers shut.

It was weirdly therapeutic, closing the box full of Ben’s things and closing it with crappy tape. It felt like the ending of a chapter, and even though it sort of felt like everything else in his life had gone to shit, Dan feels slightly better knowing that at least this part was over.

He drops the last box onto the top of the other one in his lounge, dropping his hands to his waist as he surveys his day’s work. “Well. That’s that, I suppose,” he says aloud. He’s well aware of how weird it makes him look to just talk to himself in an otherwise empty flat, but he’d declined Erika’s offer to help him pack. Maybe he slightly regretted that now, but he felt that he needed to be alone to do this. Now that he was done, however, we was feeling drained and exhausted and in desperate need of a shower and some human interaction.

Dan’s just picked up his phone and started typing out a message to Erika when he hears a knock at his door. He wants to groan, because he knew of only two people who knew the code to get into his building, and right now he wasn’t in the mood to talk to Annette or, god forbid, Ben. With a groan that’s more overdramatic than the situation warrants, he makes his way to the door and flings it open without a second thought.

“Hi, I- oh.” His standard welcome is cut short when he realizes the person on the other side of his door is neither party he expected.

Phil gives him a shy smile. “Hey, um, someone was leaving when I came in, and they held the door for me. I’m not sure if they just assumed I lived here, or they just didn’t care, but I guess it’s a good thing I’m not a serial murderer.”

It takes Dan several moments to find his voice. After their argument the other night, he hadn’t expected to see Phil ever again, and despite the fact that it annoyed him deeply, he’d managed to push it to the back of his mind, considering it wasn’t like he really had a lot to tie himself to the man. And yet, here he is, rambling at his door.

“Why are you here?” Is the first thing that falls from Dan’s mouth. He almost winces at himself with how rude it sounds, but then he remembers why they left things the way they did, and decides he’s earned the right to be rude.

Phil’s face drops into an expression of guilt. “I know you probably want me to leave, but I needed to come by and apologize. I know I made you upset the other day, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I said, and for leaving without telling you, and for not answering your messages. I was a twat, and I know that.” His words come out in a rush, and Dan is left staring at him in mute surprise.

It’s then that he notices that Phil isn’t empty-handed; in his right hand, his fingers grip a small gift bag, messily stuffed with tissue paper. “What’s in the bag?” He asks rather than addressing Phil’s apology. It was almost exactly what Dan wanted to hear, but Phil didn’t have to know that right now, and Dan didn’t have to forgive him so soon.

At Dan’s words, Phil seems to remember he’s holding something, and he quickly holds it out. “Oh. Um, here. It’s for you.”

Dan frowns, his brows knitting together uncertainly. “Is it, like, a bomb or something?” He asks, only partially joking. He’d never been actually seriously threatened before, but he still barely knew Phil, he wasn’t going to just blindly assume that he wouldn’t try it.

Phil’s lips curve up into a small smile, and he shakes his head. “No, it’s not. It’s… well, just look and see.”

With a strong sense of uncertainty and more curious than he’d like to admit, Dan tugs the tissue paper out of the bag. Phil holds a hand out for it, and Dan is careful not to allow their hands to touch as he hands it over. He’s left staring into the bag, his eyebrows knitting together yet again as he tugs the object out. “A coffee mug?” He asks flatly. He wasn’t sure what exactly to expect, but a plain black coffee mug wasn’t exactly it.

Phil smiles, clearly excited. “It changes when you pour hot water in it. Like,” he reaches a hand out for it then, and unthinkingly, Dan flinches away. Phil’s smile drops, and he studies Dan with an almost sad look in his eyes. “May I?” He asks, softly. Dan slowly nods, holding the cup out to him. Phil takes it from him gently, turning it over to show Dan one side of it. “The cup will turn white, and this part right here will show the heart from Undertale,” he explains, glancing up at Dan with a sheepish smile. “I thought, um… I figured it would match your other one.”

Dan settles into a stunned silence at the thoughtful gift, staring down at the ceramic as he tries to process it. Phil didn’t have to apologize to him, obviously, but he certainly didn’t have to do so with a gift. Dan wasn’t sure anyone, especially Ben, had ever done something like that for him, so now he wasn’t so sure that he could fathom Phil’s reasoning for it. “Um, thank you,” he says softly, taking the mug back when Phil holds it out to him.

Nodding, Phil steps back, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck in what is probably a nervous habit. “You’re welcome. Um… I guess I’ll go, I just wanted to bring that by, and… I just wanted to say I was sorry, for messing everything up. I really didn’t intend for things to go the way they did.”

Still trying to gather his thoughts, Dan watches as Phil turns around, tucking his hands into his pockets as he moves to disappear from Dan’s life. Without much thought to the consequences of doing so, Dan steps out and calls his name.

Phil turns around with an eyebrow raised, looking more surprised than Dan feels he has the right to. “Yeah?”

Dan chews his lip for a moment, glancing back down at the mug in his hands. With a sigh, he closes his eyes and speaks. “Are you busy right now?”

There’s a beat of silence, and Dan slowly opens his eyes to take a peek at Phil’s reaction. He’s expecting more silence or even an awkward excuse, but Phil has a soft smile on his face. “I’m not, no.”

Nodding, as if he’d expected this, Dan runs his hand through his curls before gesturing to his flat. “Would you like to come play Mario Kart with me?”

Phil’s smile shifts into something even softer, if it’s possible, and Dan swallows hard. He’s inviting him in as a friend this time, nothing more. He can do that, and they can be friends. He’s afraid if he doesn’t convince himself of this, he’ll mess things up. “I’d love to,” Phil responds easily.

Dan steps back and holds the door for him, closing it with a gentle push once Phil is making his way to the lounge. “You can take your coat off and put it wherever,” he says off-handedly as he goes to set the mug in the kitchen.

When he makes his way back to the lounge, Phil’s left his coat on the back of the armchair Dan rarely used, and the man himself is stood staring at the boxes at the end of Dan’s sofa, an almost-grimace on his face. Before Dan has the chance to say anything, Phil turns to look at him, a strange look on his face. “Are you moving?” He asks. If Dan didn’t know better, he’d think that Phil actually sounded upset about it.

Dan smiles at this but shakes his head. “No, I’m just clearing out some junk I don’t need anymore.” He moves to the television and begins setting up the game, glancing over at Phil as he does so. “You can sit, you know. I’m not going to make you stand the entire time you’re here.”

Phil smiles briefly at this, but he’s got a panicked look on his face, like he really wants to say something else. Dan quirks an eyebrow at him, and apparently that’s all the permission he needed, because then he’s speaking quickly, barely giving Dan a chance to catch his words. “Not that I don’t want to spend time with you, because obviously I do, but I really think we should talk about what happened. You’ve barely said anything to me since I got here, and I want to know what you’re thinking. Please, just say something so I know you don’t hate me.”

Seemingly done with his rant, Phil drops to sit on the sofa, looking up at Dan with an almost pleading look in his eyes.

Dan blinks. He certainly wasn’t expecting all that, but he supposed it was good that Phil brought it up, so he didn’t have to. Grabbing his switch from the bookcase where he kept it, he carefully took each end off so that he and Phil could play in multi-player mode, all the while carefully gathering his thoughts for the conversation they were about to have.

“I was upset after you dropped me off the other night,” he admits quietly, handing Phil a controller as he sits beside him on the sofa. “I was confused, mostly, I think, but I was definitely upset.” He sighs then, turning to share a small smile with Phil. “But, like all things, I had to get over it, right?”

Phil looks upset, with himself or Dan is unclear. He shakes his head slowly, his eyes never leaving Dan’s face as his fingers trail over the tiny controller in his hand. “No, you had a right to be upset, Dan. And… I hate to sound cliché, god, but you’re allowed to hold onto that, you know? Your anger wasn’t misplaced, and you’re allowed to hold onto that if you aren’t ready to get over it. I…” he trails off then, finally dropping his eyes to his lap. “I know that I messed up by treating you the way I did, but I swear I didn’t do it with the intentions of hurting you.”

Dan takes a moment to process this, swallowing a few times to try and get rid of the dry feeling in his mouth. It doesn’t work. Eventually, he finds a response. “I don’t want to be that person that holds onto things like that. You fucked up, but you know you did, and you’ve already apologized. I’m not… I’d like a fresh start, I guess.” He rolls his eyes as he says this, sending Phil a bemused smile. “Look at me, being the real cliché here.”

A small smile quirks at Phil’s lips, finally. “I think a fresh start would be good.” There’s a tremor of nervousness in his voice, as if he’s afraid Dan will suddenly want to change his mind.

“Yeah?” Dan asks, chewing his lips as he watches Phil push his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Phil nods, taking the same hand through his hair, messing his quiff up. It looks good that way, though, so Dan doesn’t say a word. “I’d really like the chance to show you that I’m not a total dick, even though I definitely acted like it before.”

Dan grins at this, nudging Phil gently with his elbow as he finally turns to the TV. He felt the serious part of their conversation was over, and he was ready for some friendly competition. “I don’t mind dicks, believe it or not,” he teases lewdly, sending a smirk to the man beside him.

His lips pursed as if he’s holding a laugh in, Phil levels him with an unimpressed look. “At least take me to dinner before trying to get in my pants, Howell.”

The joke is funny, and Dan snorts, but something about the usage of his surname reminds him of something important. “I don’t know anything about you,” he says suddenly, completely disregarding what Phil’s just said.

Phil glances away from the screen, where Dan had been going through the motions of setting up the game, frowning at Dan. “Don’t you?” He asks, sounding confused.

Dan shakes his head adamantly. “I don’t even know your last name,” he informs Phil, his eyes scanning over the screen to pick a course. “What course is your favorite?”

“I’m good at the Electrodrome.” There’s a beat of silence then, before he speaks quietly. “Lester.”

Glancing over at him with his eyebrows drawn, Dan asks, “Pardon?”

Phil gestures to him with the hand not holding his little controller. “My last name. It’s Lester.”

A little surprised that’d he’d actually told him, Dan pauses. “Oh.” Then, “Thank you for telling me.”

Shrugging, Phil moves to lean back on the sofa. “My middle name is Michael. If you were wondering.” He’s got a small smile on his face, and Dan wonders if this is turning into twenty questions.

With a little smile, Dan selects the Electrodrome course on the game before speaking again. “Mine’s James.” He shifts so that he’s sitting with his legs criss-crossed, tugging a decorative pillow onto his lap for arm support. “I suppose you could just google anything you wanted to know about me,” he muses, almost as an afterthought.

“I couldn’t google what you look like when you’ve just woken up.” Phil’s voice is soft, and although the race has already started, Dan can’t help but look over at him, swallowing hard when he sees the hopeful, almost pleading look on Phil’s face.

Dan’s eyes shift back to the screen to focus on not losing, but his mind is swirling with what Phil’s just said. The implication was obvious, but he wasn’t positive how exactly he should interpret it. He goes with the obvious way. “I guess that’s something you’d have to find out for yourself,” he breathes, trying not to show how nervously excited the prospect of Phil spending the night, like actually spending the night, makes him.

“Could I? Find out for myself, that is?” Phil murmurs. Dan feels the sofa shift and he feels rather than sees the way that Phil has turned to be almost facing Dan, his knee pressing against Dan’s thigh gently.

Dan swallows, and nods, barely glancing over at the man beside him. Bright blue eyes meet his gaze, and he almost says fuck the game right then and there. “I’d like that.”

Phil smiles then, an adorable sight that has Dan’s character on screen running into a wall with how distracted he is. Shaking himself slightly, Dan shifts his gaze back to the screen. Phil chuckles softly, and Dan almost flushes at the fact that Phil knows how he’s affected him.

“Are you hungry?” Dan asks sometime later, once they’ve started a new race. He glances over at Phil and finds him concentrating on the screen intently. His gaze meets Dan’s when he realizes that the brunette’s stare is on him. “If you’re staying anyway, we can order pizza, or something. If you want?” Dan’s a little uncertain if Phil was serious about the earlier implication, but now he’s basically asked him for an answer.

“Pizza sounds great,” Phil smiles at him.

Dan nods, and they finish the round they’re on with banter and some light shoves. Dan wins, but Phil promises to redeem himself later. When they’re done, Dan tosses the remote onto the coffee table before standing to go search for his laptop. “Domino’s?” He asks.

Phil nods, excitement in his eyes. “The superior pizza place, honestly,” he comments as Dan moves over to his armchair where his MacBook is laying.

“Right? It’s the only food worth consuming.” He drops back onto the sofa and kicks his feet up onto the coffee table, opening the laptop and hoping that he’d closed any weird tabs he’d had open. Luckily there’s only a couple Wikipedia articles and a tab with a funny YouTube video pulled up. He quickly opens a new tab and finds Domino’s website, going to the build a pizza option. “What do you like on your pizza?”

Phil is looking at the options, and it’s not until Dan glances over that he realizes how close they are on the sofa. He wants to close the distance and press his lips to Phil’s, but he holds himself back. “I like their sizzler, but I’m really not picky. Just don’t like, add a bunch of extra cheese, and I’ll be fine.”

Dan raises an eyebrow. “What did cheese do to you?” He teases before clicking the options to build a half and half pizza with the option Phil had suggested, as well as what he normally got.

“I don’t like cheese.” Phil shrugs as if it’s no big deal, but Dan’s head whips around to stare at him in shock.

“You’re kidding,” he gasps. “On second thought, I don’t know if this is going to work out.”

Phil rolls his eyes and gently elbows Dan in the ribs. “Don’t be so dramatic,” he whines. “I just can’t eat cheese. It makes me sick.” He flushes as if he’s embarrassed to admit this, but the knowledge that he doesn’t hate cheese and cheese just hates him settles Dan’s attitude.

“Oh, well that’s different. You can’t eat cheese, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to,” he says with a shrug. Phil opens his mouth as if he’s about to speak, but Dan is quick to bring a hand up to cover his mouth. “Nope. Don’t speak, you’ll ruin it.”

Phil’s eyes crinkle like he’s smiling, and Dan is so focused on how the different shades of blue swirl in his eyes that he jumps when he feels a little nip at the palm of his hand. When he pulls his hand away, Phil giggles, likely at his expression.

“Did you just- you bit me!” Dan accuses, staring at his hand as if he’s been infected.

“I did,” Phil agrees gleefully. He leans closer, dropping his head to press his mouth to Dan’s shoulder. Their eyes are locked when Phil gently nips at the skin covered by Dan’s t-shirt.

Something about the look in Phil’s eyes and seeing him mouthing at his shoulder like that makes Dan’s stomach swoop with arousal, and he can’t stop the shiver that wracks through his body. “You’re not…” He lets out a breath before glancing back at Phil, finding the other man looking up at him with a mischievous smile. “You’re not like a cannibal or something, right?”

Phil laughs then but shakes his head and leans away from Dan’s shoulder. “No. You do look good enough to eat though.” Dan feels his skin flush then, and Phil seems to misunderstand the reasoning for this. “I’m sorry, am I being too forward? I just- I don’t know, I’m not great at like flirting, but-“

Dan interrupts him then. “No, I promise you’re doing just fine. I just- ah, I’m not really used to that kind of attention unless it’s followed pretty directly by… well, you know,” he stammers, feeling embarrassed at admitting yet another fault in his and Ben’s… arrangement.

Instead of being bothered by this, Phil only smiles, shaking his head. “That’s a shame. If you’ll allow it, I fully plan on showering you with horrible attempts at flirting and compliments.”

With a snort, Dan finalizes their order and closes his laptop, setting it on the coffee table. He tries his best to act unaffected by Phil’s words, but he can feel his heart racing at the idea of being pampered like that. He’d gotten so comfortable with hiding any feelings he had for Ben, so this sounded like some kind of heaven to him. “I guess, if there’s no way to stop you, I’ll probably just have to deal with it,” he sighs, as if it’s the biggest inconvenience in the world. He remembers then that he wanted to go shower, so he stands to do just that.

Before he can make it past the coffee table, Phil sticks his feet up, trapping him in. “You know we have like fifteen minutes before the pizza gets here,” he says, his eyes holding a suggestion Dan really doesn’t want to turn down, but he knows that he needs a shower more than he needs to mess around with Phil. Besides, if he was actually staying the night, they’d have time for that, if they still wanted it.

“I know, but I need a shower, and you probably need some time to make sure you’re not making a mistake by staying.” He means it as a joke, but as he looks down at Phil, he realizes it might not be. He feels his heart clench at the idea that even after all this Phil might still leave, but he pushes that away.

Phil frowns at him and leans forward suddenly, dropping his feet in favor of reaching a hand up, tugging Dan down by his shirt. Dan barely has a moment to catch himself on Phil’s shoulder before their lips are meeting, his eyes slipping closed at the contact. Phil doesn’t linger long, but as soon as he lets go of Dan’s shirt, he leans back and levels him with a serious look. “I’ve had plenty of time, Dan.”

Swallowing hard, Dan tugs at his shirt and chews his bottom lip. “You’ll still be here when I come back?” He asks, just to make sure.

A pained look crosses Phil’s face, and he nods. “I swear. I’m not going anywhere.”

Dan nods, and he knows he’ll just have to trust him this time. “Okay. I’ll be right back, then.”

He can feel Phil’s gaze following him as he walks out of the lounge and makes his way to his bathroom. Although Phil had just promised he wouldn’t leave, Dan rushes to shower and wash his hair, finishing in less than ten minutes in his rush to make sure that Phil kept his promise. As soon as he’s finished, he throws a towel around his waist and makes his way to his bedroom to put on some pajamas.

After pulling on a stripey t-shirt and a pair of pants, Dan pauses, pondering the pros and cons of bothering with any actual pajama bottoms. If the evening was going where he thought it was, he wouldn’t really want the extra layer later, but if it wasn’t… well, it might be a bit awkward.

Rather than sit and dwell on it for too long, he trades his underwear for a pair that is slightly looser, as well as a baggier t-shirt with ugly cats on it. It could pass for everyday pajamas, he hoped. As an afterthought, he tugs out a second pair of pants and another t-shirt for Phil, just in case he really did plan to stay.

Once he’s finished and he’s certain he isn’t going to lose his nerve to wear what he has on, Dan makes his way back to the lounge.

And for the second time, his world feels like it’s crashing down, as he’s met with an empty lounge.

[inactivesimblrr]

get to know me tag!

tagged by @literalite (thank u lamer clone!) n im not tagging anyone bc.............. every1 i think i know has already been tagged so thats calm, there r 125 questions below!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Pat[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? pat

3. BIRTHDAY? 23rd of nov!!!!! <3 (2001)

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? hmhmhnnnn,,,,, lotr, the hobbit, harry potter, anything from the grishaverse,,, idk man i like books a lot,,, the raven cycle,,, hnmgmg,,

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? aliens 100% i believe in them! ghosts? i mean... i half kind of do half dont but my kind of ghost aint the same as the usual idea of a ghost yanno? mine r nicer <3

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? leigh bardugo, tolkien, i would say j.k rowling but shes trash! her books r good tho ://

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? ??? idk so im gon pretend this means podcast and in that case im listening to the black tapes rn! 

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? matcha or strawberry!!!!!!

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? thats swag (i began using it ironically but now i cant stop)

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? uhhh eve or the wonderful world by mark joshua! orrr shiloh by little chief!! 

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? grinned

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?  walking back to georgia by jim croce

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? honestly.... drop dead diva... im sorry.... but tbh i dont watch tv all that often!! ACTUALLUY HECK i would def recommend merlin the bbc tv series and ofc sherlock the tv series but keep in mind both those recs will rip out your heart MULTIPLE times,

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? .......... im down all the time lolol but tbh all the harry potter films + the 1st fantastic beasts movie, all the lotr films and all the hobbit films AND sherlock both the rdj and jude law films and then the bbc sherlock christmas special the abominable bride

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? yah! my all time favourite game is tes oblivion!! it has been my fav since i was 6!

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? my life not working out the way i want to!! i want my life to be happy and long and spent with the people i love and not having 2 worry abt money or health!!!

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? i think maybe my ability to find everything funny??

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my temper is beyond vicious honestly like im not kidding my temper is.... disgusting

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? birds

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? winter

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? nah!

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? im still a kid im only 17!!! and uh,, i miss the innocence!! i miss being oblivious!!

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? i dont have one!

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? brownn w/ a bit of green!

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? dark brown!

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my parents and my family!

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? jude law, sebastian stan, emma stone

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? back to school shopping!! also i get to eat fried chicken and cheesecake tonight because even tho my birthday was yesterday im celebrating it today!!!!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? stationery??? video games?? FOOD??

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? jane and the dragon!

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? i dont know what a male is sorry

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? a baby bit only

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? n’aw i dont think so!

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? i mean... if i weren’t as ugly as i am id love to be in front of a camera doing fun acting stuff or whatnot! but bc i am ugly im usually behind the camera + i do film at school!

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? lettering/calligraphy!

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? what if its us by becky abertalli + adam silvera (its so cute but the ending was.... not satisfactory...)

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? fantastic beasts the crimes of grindelwald!!!

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? used 2 play piano, accordion, and violin! but i dont do tht anymore!

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? bird!! 

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? too many 2 pick from !!! im srry!

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? gdgs all of them!!!!! maybe the power to warp reality bc i could do anything then?? a reality where im married to jude law or emma stone? done, a reality where i have all the powers in the world? done

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? a cliff somewhere where its cold and the water is vicious underneath!

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? babies, animals, happy couples, pregnant people, old people, a lot of things really!

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? i used 2 do karate but now i dont do sports!

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? idfsng idk! strawberry milkshake maybe?? matcha boba??? milk!!

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? last week!!! i love handwriting!

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? nah!

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? ppl who r rude for no reason and also ppl at school who just pick on other ppl for no reason looking at you rahni teagan and the other f*ckheads!!! hope u die literally i know thats a horrible thing to say but you all deserve it

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? i went to two twenty one pilot concerts!! the first one was in the forum in melbourne and then the other one was a few years or one year later and it was in a sold out stadium!! both were in the mosh! and then idk if this counts as a concert but i went to and did the meet and greet for dan and phil’s first tour! i dont like them anymore tho ! ://

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? no way in HELL!!!!

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a lot of things!!! famous actress, spy, war general, prime minister, pro wrestler, explorer, cartographer, filmmaker, architect, interior designer, dragon, PIRATE

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? i know this is a bad idea but honestly the harry potter universe PROVIDED i had magic!! bc like,,, yah

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? a lot of things! my future mainly lol :(

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? no but i gotta say sometimes in the middle of the night when i wake up and the undefined shape my clothes sitting on my desk chair looks like That i get a bit worried yanno it looks like a demon im not gonna lie

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? ya but i dont htink im any good at it!

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? only due to sickness, funerals, or holidays!

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? my house! OR the cliffs of moher :o)

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? in some old old old european castle in the middle of nowhere on a mountain and next to the sea

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? nuu :( but i do feed a lot of birds that come to my house and ive named them and love them even if the lorikeets dont love me back which is fine!!!! :(

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? early bird i guess

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunsets??

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? yes! but i dont have my full lisence only my learner’s permit!!

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones (noise cancelling!!)

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yup!! they were green!!

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? soft rock, indie folk, indie-everything mainly except for indie-rock,,, country music dont hate my i love country music as long as its certain country music!! aint having none of this keith urban rubbish in my house!! we only listen 2 the james taylor brand of country music in this house!!! so i guess country folk. folk music in general is my jam!!! i love ballads as well and ofc blues!! theres so many more jbdsgjbas but i cant possibly list all of it!!!

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? the idea of me living out the future i want if that makes sense!

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? yah!!

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? a lot of things honestly!!!! 2 many to list im really passionate!

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? real book but i read more on electronic devices bc its easy and i dont have to worry about lights !!

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? idk!!!!!!!! maybe history!

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? nup!! im an only child thanK GOD

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? movie tickets to crimes against grindelwald last night!!

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? i think im like 176cm??

75. CAN YOU COOK? only if i have a recipe! but i can make really good drinks (non alcoholic ofc!!)

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? rainy weather, good literature, my family

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? hubris, wrath, pococurantism

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? female

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? ?????????? who knows

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? australia!!

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my group chat

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? my birthday yesterday lol

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? dont want youtube tht much anymore tbh

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? nah

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? procreate

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? incredibly close with both parents but fight with my dad like cats n dogs

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? irish or strong strong american or posh english also scottish

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? israel, republic of ireland, and so many more places like nksgskbgs i cant list them also all the nordic countries

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 3

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? no

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? nah 

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? both!!!!!! 

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? daring in terms of i like to do things that could potentially kill me for the adrenaline rush but not daring in terms of introducing myself to other ppl lol

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? nah thank GOD

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? oui

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? non

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? ill happily admit i’m wrong provided the other person wasnt a douchebag about it but even then ill admit im wrong! aint no shame in recognising ur wrong ma dude

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? dont like the beach but i love the sea?? so forest i guess bc i dont like sand

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? "two things stand like stone, kindness in another’s trouble, courage in your own” - adam lindsay gordon

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? an excellent one, but i dislike lying and value honesty so!!

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? ssssss slytherin!

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? ya

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? cop out answer here but it depends on the situation

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? yes

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? try and find the owner and track em down but if i cant ill hand it in to the place where it was lost

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? yes

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? yes

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? ears but theyre closed up!!

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? thorin oakenshield

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? nah

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? ? idk man

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? no, too many bad people are living good lives right now

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? nope! perfect vision here my dude!

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? in the future i want 1 child only

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my little cousin

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? a Lot

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? a few times only, but i value sleep

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black and green

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? hell ya !

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? audience member for the xfactor!

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 17

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “so comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings.” -tolkien OR “always seek the giant.”

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? savoury

[wordsablaze]

That Wasn’t In A Plan, Was It?

When Dan and Phil are set to be partners in school project things start to happen. They slowly itch closer but will their past let them stay together? Written with the awesome @jocollins , enjoy!

A/N: yh so this slipped my mind entirely but thanks to jen for posting it and sorry for mistakes bc i haven’t had time to proof-read and it’s too long to do so now but i’ll post anyway :)

It was that time of the year again, the time when everyone was put in groups to do some projects. It was their school’s rule to have a one week long group project about random things they choose for pupils to do.

It was something like in Hogwarts, they were all sitting in the big hall, waiting to be called to see how they would be sorted.

There was 90% of them who loved this, loved to work with new people and work in groups.

But then there was the remaining 10% who couldn’t stand to be put in groups to work together with someone.

And guess what, Dan was in that 10%, he just couldn’t stand working in group projects.

Of course, Phil was also a part of that small 10%, he really didn’t see the point in group projects, especially when it was always a gamble to see whether or not you actually got along with the other students.

He was sat at the back, watching as everyone got put into pairs or trios or groups of four - their school loved to be awkward about every last detail - and keeping an eye out for people he knew.

This time around, his name was called near the end, and he hadn’t heard of his partner, someone called Daniel, so he didn’t really know where to go, awkwardly standing up and looking around.

Dan wasn’t paying attention to the sorting thing going on, he was slumped in the furthest away, darker corner, headphones in, listening to random music playing, scratching any remaining, this time sea blue, nail polish off his nails.

Phil didn’t even see him at first. It was only when someone right beside Dan loudly called his name to get his attention that Phil turned around, spotting the brunette in the corner, slowly making his way over.

Dan looked up only when Phil stopped in front of him, with his big, dark brown eyes that seemed so deep that you could get lost in them in a  matter of seconds.

Phil ended up hesitating because of almost getting lost in Dan’s eyes but he managed to offer Dan a small wave. - Hi, I’m Phil… -

- Why? - Dan just asked, taking his earphones out.

Phil blanched slightly, confused. - Um, we’re partners for the project? -

- Oh, great, - Dan said sarcastically, looking back down at his nails.

Phil’s stomach sank a little, he’d hoped to be paired with someone who he could at least get along with. Just his luck.

- So I’m guessing you’re more interested in your nails than getting this done? - Phil muttered, forgetting about being polite.

- Oh, the sassy queen has arrived. What a pleasure! - Dan glared at Phil.

- I wish I was a queen, - Phil replied without thinking, - then I wouldn’t have to put up with this. -

- Then go and be one! - Dan snapped back, standing up.

Phil was used to being much taller than his friends so it was almost to see that Dan was a similar height to him, if not taller.

He shook his head, realising this was a bad way to start their week. - Okay, sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it, I know neither of us chose to do this, but can we at least try? - he asked, smiling again.

- I won’t go to your house, I won’t meet anyone in your family, or your friends. I will do my own stuff and you will do yours. Understand? - Dan asked in a strict tone, no joy in his voice.

Despite the smile fading from Phil’s face, he nodded, sighing. - Yeah, yeah, sounds good. How about we go and find out what our project is so we can get this over with? - he asked, already turning to walk to the teacher who had their task.

- I already know it, no need to waste our time. Let’s go and get over it. - Dan crossed his arms over his chest.

Phil turned back, surprised. - How do you already know? - he asked incredulously.

- Because. Are you coming or what? - Dan already turned around, walking out of the full hall of loud pupils.

He might usually have argued but Phil was more than happy to get out of there so he followed Dan wordlessly as they walked through the corridors.

Dan didn’t stop at the exit of school, simply continuing to walk to the forest behind their school.

- Uh, Dan? - Phil called, pausing, not really wanting to risk getting lost or something so soon.

- What? - Dan didn’t even turn around, simply continuing to walk, already almost inside the forest.

Phil sighed again, knowing Dan wasn’t going to stop now and just giving in, almost running to catch up, preferring to be with someone else if they really were going to do this.

- Never mind, - he muttered once he’d caught up.

- We won’t get lost, I walk here every day to get home faster. - Dan answered as if he had heard Phil’s thoughts.

- To get home? - Phil echoed, then blinked in shock, asking: - Are we going to your place? -

- Yes. - Dan put his hands in his jacket pockets.

- Oh, okay, - Phil replied, tightening his grip on his bag, already wondering what Dan’s room would look like.

- Well, you will see it. And why the hell are you wondering how my room look like? Are you some perv or something? - Dan stopped, turning around, causing Phil to bump into him and realize that he had said it aloud.

As most people would after such a realisation, Phil went bright red, looking down at the leaves under his shoes, shaking his head. - Sorry! I’m not a perv, I promise, I just- I think you can tell a lot about a person from their room so… - he mumbled.

- True. - Dan shrugged, turning around to keep walking.

The forest was almost over, soft sun starting to break through the branches but then, to Phil surprise, there was no road or simple meadow but an old cemetery and it seemed like that was casual for Dan because he went straight in.

Just like before, Phil paused, not wanting to go in, never having really liked cemeteries.

- Wait, Dan, where are you going? - he asked, hesitating at the gate, biting his lip as he waited for Dan to explain or something.

- Shortest way home. - Dan turned to look at Phil.

- Are you sure? - Phil asked, quieter this time.

- I walk here every day, so yes, I am sure. Now stop being a pussy and come on. - Dan sighed.

Phil gritted his teeth, frustrated. - Well, I’m sorry if we aren’t all used to choosing wayward routes home, - he muttered, but took a breath and just followed, walking quickly and looking at Dan’s shoes instead of their surroundings.

- Oh, so you would rather choose a four-hour walk home? - Dan snapped back but kept walking.

Phil didn’t look up but he raised his eyebrows anyway, waiting a moment before shrugging. - Maybe not… - he admitted.

Dan smirked, not saying anything more.

It took them a while to walk to the other end of the cemetery and, by the time they had, Phil never wanted to enter one again. He turned to Dan, finally looking at him again. - So, which way now? -

- Right ahead. Over the river. - Dan stretched his arms a bit, making his jacket scrunch up and reveal a beautiful sneak peek of abs.

Simply glad to be out of the cemetery, Phil walked a few steps before frowning, looking around. - Am I missing something? - he asked, - Is there meant to be a bridge somewhere? -

- No. - Dan snorted, walking to the tree that was laid over the river, simply walking over it without any problems.

Phil shook his head immediately. - I can’t do that, I’ll fall in… - he said, simply watching the waves under them.

- Oh, c’mon. I am tired and want to get home, so just man up and come. - Dan stretched his hand out for Phil.

But Phil was still reluctant, glancing between the river and Dan’s hand. - Maybe we can just work on this another time? - he mumbled.

- And you will walk back through the cemetery all alone now? Because I ain’t going back now. - Dan still held his hand out for Phil.

Phil groaned, hating the idea of that too. After a moment of awkwardly shifting, he just sighed, stepping forward slowly and taking Dan’s hand, gripping it tightly.

Dan just pulled him over, making Phil fall against Dan’s chest.

Phil yelped, not having expected the sudden movement, and forgot where he was, grabbing Dan reflexively, not letting go as he let his heart slow down.

Dan simply held him in his arms for a moment before steadying him and starting to walk again.

Right through a couple of trees was a casual looking house, Dan walked straight in just for them to be met with a man scowling.

- No fucking in my house! - he snapped at Dan.

- Oh, shut up! Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I’m gonna fuck everyone who comes into our house with a dick between their legs! - Dan snapped back, grabbing Phil’s arm and pulling him up the stairs, into a small dark room, shutting the door behind them.

Phil was still processing the fact that he hadn’t fallen into the river so he didn’t say anything at first, simply watching Dan dump his bag on the floor, then simply standing there, a little bewildered.

- Are you okay? - Phil asked eventually, then added: - Thank you for before. -

- So let’s just write each a separate part and then just talk out the review. - Dan simply said in a monotone voice, turning to his desk.

- That sounds good? - Phil frowned anyway, not sure if pushing Dan about anything was the best idea. - But, uh, what are we writing about? -

- Sexual assault’s impact on everyday lives. - Dan turned on his pc, taking off his jacket.

Phil nodded, then, looking around, simply sat on the floor, pulling out his phone so he could look anything up if he needed to.

- You can sit in the bed, I’m not sick. - Dan kicked off his shoes, turning on music and plopping down onto the bed.

- It’s fine, the floor’s okay, - Phil replied, shrugging his bag off and pulling out a notebook.

- Come here, so we can talk quietly. - Dan stretched out over the bed but left enough space for Phil next to him.

Phil hesitated but then just nodded quickly, perching on the bed, one of his legs hanging off. - Should we whisper? - he whispered.

- Something like that, my stepdad hates me and he can’t stand me staying alone in my room with anyone who has a dick after he found out that I’m into them. So he probably is standing behind the door and listening to see if we don’t start fucking any minute. - Dan murmured so casually as if he was talking about the weather.

Phil nodded again, going slightly red, fiddling with a pen, drawing random shapes. - Uh, I’m sorry about that, I’ll try not to get you into trouble, - he said sincerely.

Dan rolled over to his side, letting their legs brush together, looking up at Phil.

- I don’t give a fuck what he thinks. I could fuck you right now, against that door, just to annoy the shit out of him, - Dan murmured, slowly pushing himself up till there were only couple inches left between their faces, looking deep into Phil’s eyes.

Phil looked back into Dan’s eyes, lost in the way they looked like chocolate and honey and forests at the same time. - Um, I don’t think- - he trailed off, shaking his head. - I mean, what? We can’t…? -

Dan burst out laughing, falling back down onto the bed, joy actually sparkling in his eyes for a second.

Shocked yet again, Phil just shook his head, not sure if he was amused or just confused. He frowned slightly. - Well, I’m glad one of us got some joy out of that… - he said, but, this time, he meant it in a good way.

- Well, if you so want to, we can actually fuck. I don’t mind. You seem cool. - Dan shrugged.

Phil choked on air, finally looking away from Dan and taking a deep breath. - We just met though, - he mumbled.

- But you want it, don’t you? - Dan sat back up, leaning close to Phil, whispering in his ear, putting one of his hands on Phil’s knee.

There was a part of Phil that wanted to just say yes, to see where things would go because Dan was so unlike anyone else, but he shook his head, shuffling back a little, forgetting that he was sat on the edge of a bed and toppling onto the floor with a yelp.

And just somehow, probably because Dan was leaning against Phil so much, Dan ended up falling down, right on top of Phil, with a silent gasp, his eyes widening in surprise.

Having closed them when he’d fallen, Phil opened his eyes, gasping when he saw how close Dan was, but not moving in case they fell further, if that was possible. - Um, hi? - Phil smiled.

- Hi? - Dan mumbled back, still shocked.

Now Phil laughed. - You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re flustered… -

- Oh, you wish! - Dan growled, already getting up, accidentally pushing their hips together, cursing under his breath.

- I thought you said you preferred to do this by the door? - Phil smirked, finally getting his composure back.

- Sure. - Dan smirked, pulling Phil up and slamming him against the door, pressing their bodies together.

It took Phil a second to recover but he just raised an eyebrow, propping himself up with one foot so he didn’t fall. - Smooth, - he whispered, staring at Dan’s eyes again.

Dan opened his mouth to say something but no words came out, he was getting too lost in Phil’s eyes.

- See something you like? - Phil whispered, simply gazing back because he didn’t know what else to do, didn’t know what else he wanted to do.

- Yes… - Dan murmured, getting fully lost. - I am so not used to being with someone my age... - without even filtering, Dan breathed out, not realizing what he had just said out loud.

Phil tilted his head to one side, finally remembering to blink as well, then softly asked: - Who are you usually with, then? -

- Does it really matter? - Dan asked, sounding genuinely sad.

- Of course, - Phil replied warmly, - everything about you matters. -

- Why? You don’t even know me. - Dan sighed.

- Not yet, - Phil argued, - and I don’t think my opinion will change, to be honest. You’re Dan, who walks over fallen trees and has really warm eyes, and you already matter, so… -

- I have heard enough of warm lies, so why would I believe you? - Dan asked in full honesty.

- I don’t have any reason to lie to you, - Phil replied without missing a beat, meaning it.

- Okay… If you really want to know then they usually are someone a lot older, like our project teacher. - Dan looked away, taking a step back, sounding so heartbreakingly hurt and lost.

Phil stepped forward too, his frown softening to an expression of both sympathy and concern. - Oh, Dan… I’m sorry, - he said eventually, not really having the right words.

- Oh, shut up. It doesn’t matter. - Dan shook his head, stepping back again, all emotions gone.

Phil hummed. - Well, it does, but we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, - he settled with after a second, smiling.

- Talking about it won’t change anything! - Dan crawled back into his bed. - So, about what do you want to start? -

- It might if you talk to the right people, - Phil said, but joined Dan on the bed again, picking up the notebook from where it had fallen. - and I don’t mind, depends on which part you want to do. -

- Has it ever happened to you? - Dan turned to look at Phil.

Shrugging, Phil met Dan’s gaze and replied: - Not directly… but an old friend of mine… -

- Oh, then you have seen what it does to a person. - Dan took a deep breath.

- Yeah, - Phil sighed, waiting in case Dan wanted to say anything more.

- Are you still friends with them? - Dan asked, starting to scratch off his already half scratched nail polish.

- Well, I try to keep in touch but they moved away so… - Phil shrugged, not sure how else to explain it.

- Then you shouldn’t even try to be friends with me. - Dan was looking only at his nails, his face emotionless.

Phil watched Dan for a second but shook his head. - I’ll keep trying even if you move away too, - he announced firmly.

- You can’t say that, you don’t even know what actually happened to me or who I actually am. What if I’m some sex-hyped serial killer? - Dan looked up at Phil.

- Well, I’ve never met a sex-hyped serial killer who has muse posters in their room so I’ll take a bet and say you aren’t… - Phil smiled, only half joking.

- Do you know why he gave me this subject? - Dan slowly sat up.

Sitting up straighter himself, Phil shook his head for what must have been the tenth time already. - No… - he mumbled.

- Because I have gone through it. I know how it feels, I know how you feel after, how people start to look at you. - Dan looked straight into Phil’s eyes.

- I’m sorry, - Phil murmured, but didn’t look away from Dan, just offering him a soft smile. - But, unless you want me to, I don’t think I’ll look at you any differently… -

- Don’t you think that I’m disgusting? All used over and over again? - Dan moved a bit closer to Phil, not breaking eye contact, not even blinking.

- No, - Phil replied immediately, his eyebrows furrowing, leaning a little closer to Dan without thinking about it, - I think you’re kind and brave and very sarcastic, but nowhere near disgusting. -

- Do you really? - Dan was now hovering over Phil.

Phil nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact still. - Like I said, I don’t have any reason to lie to you. -

- Maybe you are just afraid that I’m gonna punch you. Or rape since I know how to do it correctly so others wouldn’t hear? - Dan hissed.

Phil flinched but didn’t move away, just raised an eyebrow. - Not really, unless you think I should be? - he asked.

- No one should. No one. - Dan breathed out, his voice strong but breaking at the same time.

Phil expression became serious again. - Can I hug you? - he asked suddenly, for some reason filled with the urge to try and help, to protect Dan.

- Why? - Dan looked like he was pushed off the track, for a moment looking all broken and vulnerable.

- I don’t know, you seem like you might need one… - Phil finally blinked, clearing his throat, - but it’s fine, I’m sorry if that was rude of me. -

Dan opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, swallowing roughly before letting himself drop down into Phil’s lap and slowly, as if unsure, leaned against Phil in a weird hug, simply holding his arms to his sides.

Phil froze for a moment but, now sure that was okay with the contact, gently put his arms around Dan, pulling him into a more comfortable position, just keeping ahold of him in case he wanted to let go.

Dan closed his eyes, sighing softly before breathing in Phil’s scent, nudging his face against his neck, slowly wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist.

At that, Phil tightened his grip slightly, pulling Dan a little closer, letting his own eyes close at the feeling of comfortable warmth radiating from Dan, wishing they could be able to just stay in a moment like this for days.

- You smell nice… - Dan murmured against Phil’s neck almost without a sound.

Phil went slightly pink but laughed a little. - Why, what do I smell like? - he asked, confused.

- Safety… - Dan mumbled, letting his whole body relax.

Phil didn’t say anything more, he wasn’t sure what to, he just held on to Dan as if this was what he’d been born to do.

Dan sat there without even moving, simply holding onto Phil.

It was only when Phil felt one of his legs go numb that he opened his eyes again, sighing. - Dan? - he mumbled softly. - You okay? -

Dan didn’t answer, his face still pressed against Phil.

- Or we can just stay here, - Phil continued, smiling slightly, - but I’ll definitely fall over if we ever get up, just be warned… -

Dan just softly pushed Phil, making him slide down on the bed, Dan still wrapped around him and on top of him, all so calm and soft.

It took Phil a second to shift into a more comfortable position but then he just tightened his grip once more, rarely having felt so content around another person. - Thank you, - he mumbled gratefully.

Dan just sighed softly, not really wanting to move but still slowly pushing himself back up, keeping his head down, not letting Phil see his red eyes, getting off Phil and walking to stare out of the window.

After a second, Phil stood up hesitantly, clasping his fingers together so he didn’t fiddle with them. - What happened? - he asked quietly, worry in his voice; they’d been pretty comfortable with no obvious reason to split apart.

- It was a mistake. You shouldn’t get close to me, - Dan spat back in an already coldly harsh tone.

- Is that really what you want? - Phil asked, keeping his tone neutral.

- For fuck's sake, Philip! It’s what’s better! - Dan snapped in sudden anger, clenching his hands into fists.

Phil shook his head, walking forward so he was beside Dan. - Better for who? - he asked, still quiet.

- You and everyone! - Dan growled.

Frowning, Phil replied: - I can decide what’s better for me, you just need to choose for yourself and then tell me. -

- I already fucking told you that it was a mistake and you or anyone else shouldn’t get close to me. End of conversation, - Dan growled, still not looking at Phil.

Phil sighed but nodded slightly. - Fine, if that’s what you want, we can just focus on the project. If you change your mind, well, I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon… -

- You are annoying. - Dan turned around, getting back into the bed.

- Thanks! - Phil grinned, then looked around. - Do you see my notebook anywhere? -

- No. Just sit down. - Dan shifted to the side to make more room for Phil to sit back down next to him.

With another unsuccessful glance around, Phil sat down, settling for a second before looking to Dan. - So, what’s the plan? -

- Just writing down the plan of what we will include in our work, then actually doing it, - Dan murmured, already calm, focusing on the pc in his lap.

- Wait, are we hand-writing this or typing it up? - Phil asked, wishing he’d asked someone this stuff before leaving.

- Hand-writing. - Dan slid down further into the pillows, looking already tired.

- You can rest, if you like, and I’ll get started for now, you can join me later? - Phil offered, not wanting Dan to push himself.

- I’m alright. - Dan cleared his throat. - So, let's get this started. -

Dan cracked his fingers before starting to brainstorm what they should and shouldn’t write. After a couple of hours, without even noticing, he was fully leaning against Phil, pointing to the screen, sounding a bit annoyed and sleepy but it just seemed that Dan’s body was seeking the warmth of Phil’s body, making Dan press himself even closer to Phil to get closer to the screen he was still pointing at.

And Phil didn’t mind giving him that warmth, simply shuffling closer without noticing, taking over the majority of the talking, letting Dan relax slightly. Only when they were both slipping down so far that they were almost lying down did Phil stop, putting the pc to one side. - I think we need to take a break, - he murmured.

- Nah… - Dan turned his head to the side, trailing off after noticing how close their faces actually were, feeling Phil’s breath on his lips.

Phil sent him a soft smile. - It’s fine, we got enough done anyway, - he said, his gaze running over the curls in Dan’s hair.

- When did we got so pushed together? - Dan asked, furrowing his eyebrows at Phil.

- When you refused to take a break earlier and carried on working hard, - Phil replied, shrugging.

- And why are you kissing me? - Dan leaned closer.

Phil blinked. - Good question… -

Dan just pulled Phil closer, smashing their lips together.

It wasn’t a particularly long kiss but it was long enough for Phil to confirm his decision of sticking with Dan and his peculiar softness.

Dan just let his head drop on Phil’s shoulder, too worn out from all the talking about the heavy subject they had and closing his eyes.

- Just 5 minutes and then we can continue working, - he murmured.

- Sure, - Phil whispered, already knowing he had no plans of waking Dan up until he woke up naturally.

Dan fell asleep right away, snuggling up closer to Phil, ending up napping for almost an hour, only waking up because of Phil’s phone starting to buzz.

Phil stumbled through several apologies without paying attention to what he was saying, eventually finding his phone after it had stopped buzzing, and glancing back to Dan. - Uh, probably should have made sure that didn’t happen, you can go back to sleep if you want? -

- What time is it? - Dan looked so damn confused, sitting up and looking around in little panic. - Uh, nearly half six, why? - Phil asked, steadying Dan so he didn’t topple over.

- Damn it, Phil, I told you 5 minutes, not almost an hour. - Dan growled, pulling his hair a bit.

Phil grabbed his hands without thinking. - Don’t do that! What’s wrong, have we missed something? -

Dan just looked down at Phil’s hand holding his, then looking back up with something weird glossing in his eyes.

- Sorry, - Phil mumbled, loosening his grip on Dan’s hands but not entirely letting go yet, trying to figure out what the look in Dan’s eyes was.

- I could have punched you, - Dan breathed out.

Phil looked back at Dan, shocked. - But you didn’t, - he said simply, smiling.

- But I could have. And why are you now smiling so big? - Dan furrowed his eyebrows, cocking his head to the side.

- Because, - Phil replied happily, - my face is very much un-punched. -

- Do you want me to change that? - Dan asked, leaning a bit closer to Phil, stretching out taller.

Frowning, Phil shook his head. - Not unless that will help you with something... ? - he still smiled afterwards anyway, not entirely sure why.

- Why are you still smiling so big? Aren’t you afraid that I will punch you or push you off the bed? - Dan scrunched his nose a bit.

Phil just smiled even more at that, committing the image of Dan scrunching his nose up to memory because of how cute it looked. - Nah, I already fell off earlier, can’t get much worse than that, - he said after a moment.

- True. - Dan sighed as if giving up and leaning back against pillows as if he had lost all interest in Phil.

Unfortunately, Phil had still been holding Dan’s hands so he ended up tilting forward, throwing his arms out on either side of Dan to avoid falling on him.

- That was unexpected, so now you want to fuck me or something? - Dan simply looked up at Phil, letting one of his arms be trapped next to his head under Phil’s hand.

Phil recoiled instantly, pushing himself back up and going slightly red. - No, - he said quietly, already feeling bad.

- Your weight feels different on top of me, - Dan mumbled.

- I don’t know what that means… - Phil admitted, shuffling so there was a slight gap between them.

- I mean when someone is on top of you, you can feel their weight and yours felt different. - Dan sat up and pushed Phil down, climbing on top of him, lowering himself so he would rest his whole body on his arms on each side of Phil’s head. - Like this… -

Phil held his breath, nodding without thinking, now hyper-aware of Dan’s warmth above him, fixing his gaze on Dan’s eyes. - Okay… Um, thank you? - he mumbled, finding it a bit difficult to think properly.

- I just explained in the way you would understand, - Dan mumbled so close to Phil’s lips that Phil could feel the words brushing against them.

- That was very kind of you, - Phil said, shivering slightly, then asked: - Is this comfortable for you? -

- Yes, isn’t it for you? - Dan shifted his body a bit, relaxing his legs more, which lead to their hips pushing together even more.

Phil took a second to compose himself before shrugging as best as he could. - Yeah, I guess it is, more comfortable than I’d have thought… -

- With the right person, it should feel like that. - Dan looked deep into Phil’s eyes.

- I guess you’re the right person, then. - Phil offered Dan another smile, a smaller, more genuine one.

- Not even close… Wait, - Dan shifted a bit. - Are you hard? -

Phil finally looked away from Dan, shaking his head. - No, maybe… I- Sorry… - he mumbled, stumbling over his words.

- Oh my, I thought that you were past the horny teenage phase, guess I was wrong. - Dan laughed, sitting up and getting off Phil, standing fully up, running a hand through his hair a bit too strong and roughly.

Phil sat up then, clearing his throat awkwardly. - Sorry, I’m not used to being so close to other people, - he explained, but then shrugged. - And I guess I’m just another typical teenager… -

- I guess. And you literally watched me sleeping for almost an hour. Have you thought that you are a perv? - Dan asked, turning to look at Phil, now a bit more relaxed again and joking lightly.

Phil made a face, putting his hands on his hips. - Excuse you, you’re the one that fell asleep on me! - he grinned, simply glad that Dan wasn’t too annoyed.

- Not my fault that you gave me so much emotional exhaustion that I fell asleep, - Dan snapped back with some shadow of a smile over his lips.

Not having a good reply to that, Phil just crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out, leaning back a bit, trying his best not to laugh.

Dan was first one to break out laughing, making Phil join him, filling the room with joy but soon they were disturbed by a loud, harsh knock on the door.

- Time for your fucktoy to go, dinner is ready. - Said some girl’s voice behind the door, not recognisable but really familiar to Phil for some unknown reason.

Dan didn’t answer anything, simply sighing, all joy lost.

Phil could almost see how Dan’s walls curled back up, his face going emotionless like the best poker player.

Knowing it was pointless to try anything else, Phil just jumped up and gathered his things, slinging his bag on one shoulder and then gently nudging Dan. - Hey, um, to be continued, right? - he asked, smiling almost sadly.

- Continue what exactly? Your horniness or our project? - Dan asked crossing his hands over his chest, distant smirk on his lips.

With some weird confidence, Phil winked. - Whichever one you like, - he whispered.

- You heard, no fucking in this house. Well, at least no gay fucking. But see you later, I guess. - Dan opened his bedroom door for Phil, leading him down to the front door, opening them too. - The bus stop is down the road but it will be more simple to just call a cab. -

- Thanks, - Phil said, - I’ll probably wait for a bus. - Then, before he could change his mind, he asked: - Can I hug you? As a goodbye? -

Dan looked a bit startled at first before shrugging a bit, stepping outside so Phil could hug him.

Slowly, Phil stepped closer and then just threw his arms around Dan, making sure not to crush him in any way but still pulling him close, hoping they’d meet again soon.

At first Dan just stood there a bit confused and tense but then slowly wrapped his arms around Phil.

Phil smiled, oddly happy from such a small thing. - Thank you, - he said softly, then, after a moment, pulled back. - So, uh, see you next time? -

- Yeah… Bye. - Dan stepped back a bit awkwardly, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets.

Phil waved at Dan, not caring that it might have seemed a bit childish, then laughed a bit. - Wait, which way was the bus stop? -

Dan laughed, shaking his head, closing the door behind his back and starting to lead Phil down the road to the bus stop.

- You didn’t have to come… - Phil said, but he definitely wasn’t complaining.

- Don’t want to be blamed for a murder. - Dan simply answered, sitting down at the bus stop to wait for the bus together with Phil.

Phil’s eyes widened. - What? - he asked, suddenly wondering where exactly he was that there was a risk of murder.

Dan started laughing by simply seeing Phil’s face.

- Oh, calm down, I’m joking. This is a safe neighbourhood. And here is the next bus. See you in school, I guess. - Dan still had a half smile on his lips.

Phil sighed with relief, then mock-glared at Dan. - Thanks for that panic… -

As the bus stopped next to them, Phil stood up and waved again. - See you in school! -

Dan just watched Phil get into the bus, after that offering a small smile to him before walking away.

The next day Dan didn’t show up in school.

Phil didn’t even know what to do, he didn’t have Dan’s number and he wasn’t sure if appearing at Dan’s house unannounced would actually do any good.

- What are you thinking about? - Lynsy, Phil’s kind of best friend, sat down next to Phil.

Phil blinked, staring at her in confusion before shaking his head. - Uh, nothing… -

- Yeah, whatever. So who is he? - She picked a fry from Phil’s plate.

- He? - Phil asked, not caring about the fry, double the amount of confusion in his head now.

- Well, you kinda said it yourself that you are interested in dicks, so I guess it is he. Am I wrong? - She looked up at Phil, batting her fake lashes.

For a moment, Phil just stared at her, then nodded very slightly. - I guess…. but that’s not what I’m thinking about, I’m just worried about him. -

- Why? - She kept stealing Phil’s food.

- Because. What else am I meant to do when he’s not in school even though he was okay yesterday? - Phil asked, finally paying attention to what she was doing. - And quit stealing my food! -

- Oi, oi. So you finally got a boyfriend then? - She leaned back in the chair, flipping her hair.

Phil shook his head, now having realised he was trying to figure out something about her voice, he just couldn’t place it. - I don’t think so? -

- But you were together last night. Did you two fuck? - She stole one fry from Phil’s plate again.

At that, Phil stiffened, suddenly thrown back to last night, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at her. - You were there? - he asked, shock in his voice.

- I was where? - She asked in confusion.

Phil opened his mouth to reply but changed his mind, taking a deep breath. - Does the name ‘Dan’ mean anything to you? - he asked slowly.

- No? Should it? - She stole another fry while Phil wasn’t looking.

But Phil frowned, almost sure about this. - Yeah, I think it should… I’m pretty sure it was you there yesterday, - he said, mostly to himself.

- What the hell are you talking about? I was where? - She now sounded a bit annoyed.

After taking the fry she’d just stolen out of her hand, Phil properly looked at her. - You were at Dan’s house, yesterday, when I went there, - he said firmly.

- Who is Dan? - She leaned back in her chair again, crossing her arms over her chest.

How was Phil meant to explain that? Surely she’d know Dan from him being around school, right? Conflicted, Phil just tilted his head. - He’s the one I’m working with for the project and you must be blind not to have seen him before. -

- Last name? - She sighed.

He had to think about it for a second. - Howell. -

- If you will tell this to anyone, I will slice your neck open with my freshly manicured nails. - She leaned closer to Phil. - He is kinda my step brother. -

- Whaa… ? - Phil trailed off, both a little scared and completely thrown off, eventually just sighing and letting his head fall on the table. - Are you serious? -

- Yes, I am serious. I wish I wasn’t but I am. - She sighed again.

Unsure of what else to do, Phil just laughed, looking back at Lynsy with a slight smirk as if he wasn’t completely shocked. - You threw me out of the house! - he raised an eyebrow jokingly.

- I didn’t know that it was you. We kinda don’t get along. He is like a slut, so yeah. - She flipped her hair once again.

Phil scowled at her. - No, he’s not! - he argued, - He’s amazing, and I don’t know why you’re insulting him. -

- I am living with him in one house. I have known him for longer than you. So, yes, he is a slut. Call him a fuckaboy if you like. - She tried to take another fry from Phil.

But this time, Phil took the plate away and stood up, still glaring at her. - That’s not fair on him at all and I’m not going to sit and listen to you insult him. -

- Hey, I’m your best friend! C’moon! Okay, I won’t say a thing about him. And by the way, he stayed home today, was out late last night and then got yelled at by my father. If you want you can go and do your project with him. But remember what I told you. I have seen things and I have heard convos he has had with his mother and my father. - Lynsy stood up too.

Phil was torn between forgiving her and ignoring her completely. Instead of either of those things, he just sighed, putting the plate down. - I’ll remember but I’m going to make my own judgements. Thanks for letting me know, I guess. I’ll see you later… - he ended the conversation by walking away, he wasn’t really sure where he was going, just away from Lynsy.

Not even a second later Phil got a text from her with a phone number in it.

- Dan’s. Just don’t say that I gave it to you. He hates to give his number to almost anymore at all. L. -

Phil sent a quick ‘thank you’ back, not sure he wanted to say anything that could result in a conversation, then added Dan’s number to his phone, debating whether or not to text him.

After some debating, he convinced himself that their work would come out better if they actually made it together. Without a second's hesitation, the phone was in his hand, ready to text Dan.

Just as he was about to text ‘hi’, someone crashed into him, making him stumble and press random keys because of the shock, ending up sending a jumble of letters to Dan.

- Who is this and what the fuck? - Dan answered within seconds.

- Sorry! - Phil texted, then realised that wasn't much better, adding: - This is Phil, I was just going to ask how you're doing? -

- How did you get this number? -

Phil frowned, not wanting to give Lynsy away but also not wanting to lie and ruin things.

- Well, I have my ways… -

- Fine. What do you want? -

- To ask if you're okay, and why you're not in school? -

- I’m okay. -

Phil paused, knowing that wasn't really an answer but also guessing Dan wouldn't tell him if he kept asking.

- Are you up for working on the project? -

- Sure. -

- Will you give me directions later, then? Don't think I remember the way - Phil stopped, realising he'd started walking without thinking.

- Later? Just come right away. Go to the bus stop left from school and take bus 21 -

- I can't, I have another lesson… will there be another bus in an hour? -

- Yeah. -

Phil sighed in relief, walking to his next lesson with a small smile on his face.

- See you in a bit! - He sent just before the teacher walked in.

Dan didn’t answer anymore, not disturbing Phil in his lesson. The lesson itself was kinda interesting so the 40 minutes flew away without notice.

As soon as it was over, Phil texted Dan again: - Guess who's on their way? -

- Pizza? - Dan yet again answered right away as if he had waited for Phil’s text.

Phil actually laughed out loud. - Did you want me to get pizza? -

- That was a joke but if you want then go on, can’t decline a good pizza. -

Making a quick decision, Phil went back into their school, knowing their canteen would still be open, and quickly got two mini pizzas for them, then heading backing to the bus stop.

- Consider it done! -

- Then get your ass here. I’m hungry. -

- I don't control the bus! -

Right then, the right bus stopped in front of Phil.

He stared at it in shock, then just shrugged and quickly got on, the driver saying nothing, sitting by the window.

- Which stop is it? -

- 10th -

- What am I meant to do for ten stops? So long.. -

- It will take only like 12 mins so calm down your tits, drama queen. -

It took all of Phil's resolve not to laugh, shaking his head instead.

- The pizza might be cold by then :( -

- Then keep it warm. I’m waiting. -

- How??? -

- By not missing the right bus stop. -

- Alright, genius! - Phil looked up as they hit a bump, waiting until they settled before returning to his phone, keeping the pizza close as if he could heat it up himself.

Right there came the right stop.

Shocked for the second time and half wondering if Dan had some kind of magic, Phil murmured a ‘thank you’ to the driver before getting off, then frowning as he looked around to see numerous trees and no paths.

- Do I have to walk into the forest or? -

- You really don’t remember how you got to the bus stop yesterday? Seriously? -

- It was either left or right to your place but I don't remember which… Are you really gonna make me stand out here or tell me where to go? -

Dan didn’t answer anything. But just a minute later Phil could see Dan coming down the street, dressed all in black with a hood on.

Phil beamed, pocketing his phone and running to meet Dan, stopping just in front of him. - Hi! Can I hug you? - he asked quickly.

- Not the best idea. - Dan murmured, sounding exhausted, looking up to reveal his split lip and a black eye.

Phil winced, nodding slowly. - I'm sorry. We can just go back so you can have the pizza? It's still warm… -

- But you can hug me if you want. - Dan let his arms drop by his sides.

Phil smiled warmly, putting the pizza boxes on the ground and quickly wrapping his arms around Dan, pulling him close but being careful not to grip too tightly in case he was hurt anywhere else.

Dan winced anyway, taking in a sharp breath but still slowly wrapping his arms around Phil.

- I'm sorry, - Phil murmured, not fully letting go but loosening his grip.

- It’s okay. Let’s go inside, I’m getting cold and I would love to sit down, my ribs are hurting. - Dan breathed out.

Phil pulled back, grabbing the boxes and hesitantly taking Dan's hand, looking up at him as if silently asking if that was okay.

Dan looked down at their hands, with the same weird look in his eyes as yesterday when Phil unexpectedly took Dan’s arm.

Not really knowing what that meant, Phil let his hand slip out Dan's again, looking at the road. - Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to… - he just trailed off, waiting to see if Dan was going to say anything.

Dan just put his hands in his hoodie pockets and kept on walking without saying a word, letting Phil in the house.

- No one else is home so we have some alone time. - He added before shutting the door behind Phil.

Phil nodded, smiling warmly and placing his bag on the floor with a soft thud. - We can eat the pizza you made me get, then! -

- Sure. - Dan just kept walking up the stairs, holding an arm over his ribs.

Phil frowned at him, waiting until they were at the top before asking: - Hey, are you sure you’re okay? -

- No. - Dan groaned, slowly sitting down on his bed.

- Should I call someone? Do you need to get checked? - Phil asked worriedly, staying stood up in case he did have to get help.

- Calm down, drama queen. - Dan breathed out, now more evenly, keeping his eyes closed, well, the bruised eye was already half closed even when he tried to keep it open.

- What else do you expect me to do? - Phil asked, sitting beside him, now convinced Dan wouldn’t just collapse.

- Phillip, could you just please give me that damn pizza? - Dan slowly opened his eyes and half glared at Phil.

Rolling his eyes, Phil handed Dan the two boxes, not minding if Dan chose to eat both. - You’re quite demanding, you know? - he teased.

- Am I? - Dan asked, opening the boxes and looking over pizzas there, then choosing the left one and starting to eat it.

- Nah, not really, - Phil answered, sighing. He then realised he’d left his bag, with his notebook inside, downstairs. - I’ll be right back, - he said to Dan.

Dan just furrowed his brows but said nothing, continuing to eat.

It didn’t take Phil long to get back, dumping his bag by the bed, waiting until had eaten his pizza before clearing his throat. - Uh, so, what happened? I mean… how did you get hurt? -

- You could say that someone got pretty jealous of me spending last night’s evening with you alone in my room and kissing you. - Dan said, slowly lying down, one hand thrown over his chest.

Phil’s face fell, both horrified and guilty. - I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have- Should I even be here then, if it’s only going to get you hurt? -

Dan looked at Phil and started laughing, soon scrunching up his nose in pain, stopping right away, coughing a couple of times.

- Are you serious right now? - He cleared his throat again.

Phil just nodded. - Of course. Why would I be joking about this? - he asked quietly.

- Yesterday you made me think that you actually wanted my company. Guess that I was just a fool. - Dan sat up, all light mood gone.

- What? - Phil frowned at him, but not angrily, just with confusion. - I do want your company, that won’t just change, but I don’t want you to… Well, look like you do now just because of me. -

- I don’t care about him! He can go fuck himself! - Dan stood up in sudden anger, his hands in fists.

- Careful! - Phil stood too, one hand near Dan’s shoulders since he didn’t seem fully steady. - Who is it that found out anyway? -

- Who, who! The one that gave us the fucking project! - Dan growled.

Phil didn’t really know what to say, slowly putting an arm around Dan. - I’m sorry, Dan, - he mumbled.

With one swift motion, Dan slammed Phil against the wall, one hand in a firm grip around his throat, eyes burning.

- Don’t you fucking touch me. - He hissed.

Phil blinked, gasping. - Sorry, - he croaked, his hands pushing Dan’s away to try and get a breath.

Dan blinked as if waking up, confusion and some unrecognisable emotions taking over his face, slowly letting his arms drop by his sides, murmuring a  silent “sorry” before stepping fully away from Phil with head hung low.

- Hey, it’s okay, it was my fault… - Phil whispered, shuffling awkardly. - So I’m sorry. -

- It will be better for you, if you will go away and never see me again, - Dan said in a quiet voice, with his back turned to Phil, trying to push all his emotions down.

- I don’t want to, - Phil said, then coughed pointedly, - But I can if that’s what you want? -

- Just go fucking away. Leave like every else. Just go. - All of a sudden Dan sounded so damn tired like he hadn’t got any rest for years.

But Phil just sat down, crossing his legs, looking up at Dan. - I’d rather stay, to be honest. - he smiled softly.

- You are so damn weird… - Dan murmured more to himself than for Phil to hear but still turned around and sit down next to Phil, slowly sliding deeper into the pillows.

Phil grinned, nodding. - Yeah, I am. You look like you need a year of sleep or something, - he commented.

- Oh thank you, princess, - Dan snapped back, rolling his eyes, which ended up with him scrunching up his nose in pain.

Phil shrugged. - What? I’m not wrong. Why didn’t you sleep in the day? -

- Do you always ask so many questions? - Dan sighed, leaning even more into the pillows.

- Because your answers are always so mysterious, - Phil replied, trying not to laugh at how Dan looked like he was being swallowed by the pillows.

- You look like you want to take away my pillows. - Dan commented, looking deep into Phil’s eyes.

- Well, they look like they want to take you away so it’s only fair I look at them the same way, right? - Phil wasn’t even fully sure what he was saying, simply staring at Dan.

- Then come. - Dan simply murmured, not breaking the eye contact with Phil.

- Come where? - Phil asked, finally remembering how to blink.

- Taste the pillows… - Dan mumbled, reaching up and softly pulling Phil down on top of him, not caring about bruised ribs anymore.

Phil froze at first, panicking, but, when Dan didn’t seem to be in too much pain or push him away, he relaxed, shifting so his full weight wasn’t on Dan and sighing gratefully. - Thank you, - he mumbled.

Dan didn’t say anything, simply looking down at Phil, slowly wrapping his hand into Phil’s hair, starting to play with it.

Immediately, Phil was a little calmer, relaxing a bit more, focusing only on Dan’s hand, letting the silence wash over them for a while.

- What are you doing to me? - Dan breathed out almost with no sound at all.

- Am I meant to answer that? - Phil asked quietly, still not moving.

- Maybe… I’ve been wondering it for a while now… - Dan murmured, softly pulling Phil even a bit closer, letting his head rest against his neck, softly playing with his hair.

Phil’s eyes shut without him meaning them to, but he frowned a little. - What do you mean? - he asked, letting his gaze run over Dan’s hoodie sleeve since he didn’t want to move.

- With you I just can’t be the rough bad boy who don’t give a flying shit… It’s weird… And scary… - Dan breathed out a bit sharper.

Phil hummed, thinking for a second. - I don’t think you really are that kind of person, not really. - he commented, then shifted a bit. - Wait, are you okay? Am I hurting you? -

- I’m hurting myself… - Dan tightened his grip a bit around Phil, not really allowing him to get up. - Do you really think that I am not that slutty dark boy? -

Phil put his arm around Dan, hugging him as gently as he could. - Of course, I don’t think you’re that kind of person. You’re so much better than that, - he whispered sincerely.

- But I’m fucking our teacher. Doesn’t it make you sick? - Dan asked, sincerely confused and yet curious.

- It makes me wish you had better, and it makes me hate our teacher, but it’s not you that makes me sick… - Phil replied honestly.

- You know, I probably will get punished for holding you like this and being so open with you. He is jealous of you. - Dan let out in some unsaid emotions in his voice.

- What? How will he know? - Phil asked, immediately moving to try and sit back, hating the idea of Dan getting in trouble again, when he was still injured.

Dan growled in pain by Phil trying to sit up and accidently putting more weight on Dan’s bruised ribs.

- Let’s say that he keeps me in control. - Dan said throught gritted teeth.

Phil mumbled an apology without thinking, settling back next to Dan, now worried. - What? How? So you’re not safe here then? -

- Do you always act like such a drama queen? - Dan rolled his eyes.

- You seem to bring out that part of me, - Phil grumbled, but he wasn’t really grumpy, just unsure of how to explain it.

- Can’t you just kiss me and forget about it? It’s not like he’s my boyfriend or something. - Dan groaned trying to shift into a more comfortable position.

- Foget about you? Impossible. - Phil glanced at Dan, concerned.

- Not me, him and all that shit. - Dan groaned, trying to lie down on his side but ending up with his scrunched up nose in pain and a small gasp for breath.

Phil sat them both up, then pushed one of the pillows behind Dan, frowning. - No, I can’t forget that, you can’t even lie down properly, that’s not easily forgotten… -

- He’s a fucking teacher, you can’t do anything about it. - Dan growled with slight anger.

- Maybe we could? - Phil argued, then sighed. - But first, do you have painkillers that you can take anywhere? -

- Yes, one right in front of me. - Dan snapped back, sounding a bit tired already.

Phil raised an eyebrow, a small smile on his face nonetheless. - Daaan, we both know I can’t help that much, if that’s what you meant. Do you have any? - he asked again.

- You could finally kiss me. - Dan avoided the question, rising one eyebrow at Phil.

- I wish, but I’d rather not get you any more injuries, - Phil sighed, slumping slightly.

- Grrrrr. Fine, whatever. - Dan pushed himself past Phil, getting up to get his computer and notepad, not being in the best mood.

Phil watched him, folding his arms, still no less worried. - Will you please just rest? Why are you making it worse for yourself? -

- Because I don’t care! - Dan snapped in sudden anger, slaming the notepad down with a loud thud.

- Well, I do! - Phil snapped back, a bit shocked from the sudden thud, taking a deep breath. - Just… just take care of yourself, for me if not yourself? -

- Why? Why should I? After this damn project you won’t even remember my fucking name! - Dan was fighting his anger mixing with something else.

Phil shook his head. - Are you sure about that? Because I’m pretty sure I can’t forget you, project or no project, - he said firmly, not looking away from Dan.

- Whatever, - Dan murmured, sitting down and simply starting to work.

- That’s it? You’re not going to let yourself recover? - Phil folded his arms again, trying to think of what to do to get Dan to take care of himself.

- So, which part of this you think we should discuss more, first or second one? - Dan asked, fully ignoring Phil, pointing to the screen with a pen in his hand.

- The third one where you give yourself a break, if you don’t mind, - Phil muttered, standing up beside Dan.

- Okay, let’s take a bit from both. You will be writing the first one and I will take second one. - Dan kept ignoring Phil.

Phil groaned. - Should I just start talking about carrots or something? Not like you’re going to acknowledge it even if I say, I don’t know, black is a stupid colour! -

- Stop being a drama queen, it’s getting annoying. - Dan groaned, shifting a bit.

- Well, I’m sorry for being concerned that the same person who can’t sit up properly is now ignoring basic self-care, - Phil muttered, this time more annoyed.

- And why the fuck should you care? You are just some emo-haired prick who is a bigger drama queen then all pussies put together in our school! - Dan snapped back, still with his back toward Phil.

Phil flinched, his mouth opening but no sound coming out as he stared at Dan, trying to figure out if he meant that or not. After a second, despite half wanting to just run, he exhaled slowly. - And what exactly is that meant to mean? - he asked, his voice more or less calm.

- Were you born such an idiot or did you take an extra course to be one? - Dan asked in a tired voice, letting one hand slide over his face.

Despite the urge to just cry, Phil shook his head. - I’d be an idiot if I believed you meant that, - he whispered, frowning, - so why are you saying it? -

- Why are you such a pussy? - Dan just snapped back, not moving.

Phil just moved round so he was in front of Dan. - I don’t know, just who I am. What’s the problem? -

- Can’t you just fuck off already? You have started to play on my nerves. - Dan groaned, not looking at Phil, looking down at his pc.

- If you can look me in the eyes and genuinely tell me you hate my presence, I’ll leave and see you at school, but otherwise I’m staying, - Phil said, a heavy knot in his stomach.

- You are already on the edge of crying, I hate crying, it’s for babies, - Dan said without any interest at all but still didn’t look up.

Phil scoffed. - Tell that to science. It’s really not for babies, - he argued, still staring at Dan, leaning on the wall slightly.

- And what? You will keep bothering me till I do what? Make you cry? Punch you? - Dan put his pc down on the table and went to sit down on the bed with his notepad resting in his lap.

- Until you admit that you’re worth caring about, - Phil replied, staying where he was just in case he annoyed Dan further.

- You know what? I’m done. - Dan slapped the notepad down next to him, his hands already in fists.

Phil frowned again, his face half-hurting from the action. - With what? -

- With you, for fucks sake! - Dan stood up so suddenly that when he pushed Phil fully against wall it made Phil’s breath hitch, Dan’s eyes glowing dark.

- Um, ow? - Phil’s brows furrowed as he looked into Dan’s eyes, waiting to see what Dan would do next.

Dan just held Phil pushed against the wall, his fists gripping Phil’s hoodie, eyes still glowing, his lips pushed in tight line.

- What? You can have the hoodie if that’s what you really want? - Phil offered Dan a small smile, breathing slowly.

- You are such an idiot. - Dan growled, hitting Phil against the wall once again, just not as hard as it would seem at first, more softly this time, leaning close to Phil, their noses almost touching, looking deep in Phil’s eyes as if trying to figure something out.

- Well, it got me here, so I’m not complaining, - Phil mumbled softly, smiling again despite his back aching slightly, then tilting his head in confusion. - What is it? -

- I could just punch you the face right now… - Dan breathed out, his breath hitting Phil’s lips with the scent and freshness of peppermint.

Phil shivered but shrugged lightly. - Or you could not do that… - he said softly.

- Why? - Dan just breathed out, not taking his eyes off Phil’s blue ones.

- I don’t know, morals and stuff? - Phil shrugged again, finally blinking, realising he hadn’t because he’d been too busy staring at Dan’s eyes.

- That would be better than what is creeping in my mind. - Dan sighed, kinda sounding disappointed.

- I’m open to better suggestions, - Phil all but drawled, his voice lower without him meaning it to be.

- You hate me already so that doesn’t matter. - Dan let out before pushing his lips a bit roughly against Phil’s warm ones.

Phil gasped but didn’t pull back, just letting it happen, letting the warmth and taste of mint wash over his lips.

Dan let go of Phil’s hoodie, sliding one hand to his scalp and the other around his waist, pulling Phil closer.

When they had to break apart for air, Phil muttered a soft - I don’t hate you, - before wasting no time and simply kissing Dan again, proving his point.

Dan softly pushed Phil to the bed, not breaking the kiss, falling on top of him.

Breathless, Phil eventually pulled back, staring up at Dan with a small but happy smile. - What happened to wanting me to leave? - he teased.

- Shut up, I can still throw you out. - Dan growled, leaning down and softly kissing and grazing his teeth against Phil’s neck.

Phil’s breathing hitched once more but he didn’t take his eyes off Dan. - Sure, if you say so, - he mumbled, his hands settling on Dan’s back to steady them.

At that point, Dan bit down a bit stronger, strong enough to bruise but soft enough not to break the skin there.

Regardless of his best efforts, a small moan escaped Phil, making him blush and finally look away from Dan. - Sorry… -

Dan just licked over the love bite there, moving a bit lower and continuing what he was doing before.

- Dan… - Phil wasn’t even sure if he was thanking or warning Dan at this point. - Are you sure this is okay? - he breathed.

Dan didn’t answer, just bit down again, making sure to leave yet another love bite, now moving his hands a bit tighter around Phil, one of them resting on Phil’s hip, gripping it softly.

Phil froze, not really sure what Dan’s plan was, biting his lip. - Dan? - he questioned quietly, but there was trust in his voice.

Dan didn’t answer, just continued his movements.

- Hey, - Phil mumbled after a moment, - what do you want? -

Dan finally looked up at Phil, looking completely lost and out of place, out of this planet and universe, his eyes so big and full with mixed emotions not really revealing what he was actually feeling that moment.

Phil’s gaze softened and he leaned up, pulling Dan closer, into a simple hug, being careful not to press too hard and hurt him further, not saying anything, just holding him reassuringly.

Dan stiffened a bit in confusion, not really moving.

Phil loosened his grip a little, so he could look at Dan properly again. - Are you okay? - he asked.

- Why did you hug me? - Dan asked in slight confusion.

- Because you looked a bit lost and I thought a hug might help, sorry. - Phil moved to the side a little, creating a small space between them.

It looked like it did confuse Dan even more.

- No one has ever said actually no to me in this… - Dan cocked his head to the side a bit, sitting up and letting his hands fall in his lap.

Phil frowned, taking one of Dan’s hands on instinct. - In what? -

- In what we just did before you pushed me away. - Dan rolled his eyes at how silly for him Phil’s question was.

- Oh. - Phil paused. - I just didn’t think it was the right time, you were ready to kick me out, apparently… - he smiled a little.

- Does fucking ever have the right time? - Dan stood up, pulling his hoodie back down, simply sitting down in front of his pc and starting to talk about their project once again as if nothing had happened just a moment earlier.

Phil sat up properly and simply waited until Dan paused before answering: - Yeah. Yeah, it does. It should mean something. -

- It never does, - Dan murmured before continuing to go on with their project.

Phil hummed his agreement with Dan’s points for a minute before going back to the other conversation and saying, - One day, it’ll mean a lot. -

- Why? - Dan turned to glare at Phil.

- Because everyone deserves to experience it when it means something good, - Phil replied, - and you deserve it too. -

- Yeah, right. - Dan snorted, turning back to pc.

- I am right, actually, - Phil said firmly, folding his arms even though Dan couldn’t see.

Dan just ignored Phil and went on with their project. After almost an hour, he stood up, stretching a bit before shutting his pc.

- Okay, so you do that part and I will do this one, then we will put it all together. - Dan looked exhausted like he could pass out at any moment.

- Right, sounds perfect. Can you sit down so you don’t fall down now? - Phil asked, genuine concern in his voice as he smiled warmly.

- I’m fine, - Dan said strictly.

Phil nodded. - Okay, well, humour me and sit down anyway? You don’t need to be stood up, really…. -

- You are going anyway so I will lead you. No need to sit down just to stand back up right away. - Dan groaned, stretching a bit once again.

For some reason, disappointment settled in Phil’s stomach but he just shrugged. - If I need to go, I can find the way, don’t worry, - he said.

- My stepfather will be home in a couple of mins, I don’t want him to insult you just because you spend time with me and plus I kinda can’t bring anyone over because he thinks that all I do in this room is fuck whoever comes in it and don’t live in this house. - Dan for some weird reason started to explain himself, looking kind of hurt by seeing Phil’s disappointment.

Phil stood up at this point, his own hurt melting into sympathy and understanding as he smiled gratefully. - It’s okay, thanks for explaining though, I guess we can spend time in school when you get back then? - he asked hopefully.

- Well… I won’t be in school for the next 2 days, - Dan murmured, opening his room door for Phil.

Phil tried his best not to look disappointed again, nodding quickly. - Okay, well, um, will you have time after school? To, uh, work on the project? -

- I won’t be in town. He’s taking me somewhere. - Dan slowly started to walk down the stairs, holding one arm over his bruised ribs.

Phil froze at the top of the stairs, taking a deep breath. - What? Where? - he asked, then shook his head. - Sorry, drama queen alert, I’m just worried… -

- Worried for what? That he will fuck me? Probably. That he will hit me? Probably. That he will kill me? Well, who knows. - Dan rolled his eyes, continuing to slowly walk.

- And you have to go? - Phil asked slowly, his heart dropping at the thought of Dan getting hurt again.

- Why not? I use every chance to get away from this house. - Dan stood at the bottom of the stairs, trying to breathe normally, glancing back at Phil. - Will you just stand there or actually come down the stairs? Or do you want me to carry you down them? -

Phil blinked himself back to reality, frowning, then shook his head. - No, no, don’t carry me… - he mumbled, quickly skipping down the steps and standing beside Dan. - Hey, are you okay? You look a bit ill… -

- I’m fine! - Dan snapped, turning his back to Phil.

- Alright, fine, don’t blame me when you collapse somewhere! - Phil grumbled back, sighing.

- As if you care, - Dan murmured quietly, walking to the door and opening it for Phil.

Phil walked through before looking straight at Dan. - I always care about you, whether or not you want to see it. -

- Yeah, yeah, right. You’ve known me just for 2 days. - Dan crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the door frame.

- And? Why does that affect whether or not I care? - Phil asked incredulously.

- Because you don’t know me. - Dan said without any care, slowly sliding his eyes over Phil.

Phil nodded. - Right. But that’s only because you won’t let me. -

- You pushed me away, so it’s not me who is not letting you. - Dan mumbled straightening his back, putting a hand on the door knob.

Phil blinked at him. - What? You’re the one that literally tried to get me to leave, I don’t think you can say I was the only one pushing, and I didn’t even mean to, I was trying the opposite, actually… -

- Yeah, right. Bye. Oh, wait! How did you get my number? - Dan furrowed his eyebrows.

- You don’t seem to believe what I say so I guess there’s no point telling you, - Phil mumbled, then smiled and added: - I guess It’ll remain a mystery! -

- No. You will tell me, - Dan said in a strict tone.

Phil frowned. - Why? You were pretty eager for me to just leave a second ago! -

- I don’t like for people to have my number. Literally only three people have it. Well, four now if we count you. So tell me who gave you the number. And tell me now. You have exactly one minute before my stepfather drives down this street. Time is ticking. - Dan crossed his arms once again.

Phil glanced at the road in concern but still shook his head. - I can’t, I promised I wouldn’t tell, - he replied quickly, stepping back automatically.

- Was that that bitch? Did she give you my number? I will fucking kill her! - Dan growled in sudden anger, curling his hands into fists so tight that his knuckles turned white.

- Please don’t kill anyone! - Phil said urgently, his eyes wide. - I can delete your number if you want but please don’t do anything like that… -

- She had no right! I had enough already of my mum giving it to her in the first place! Fuck! - Dan punched the wall next to him, sure to leave his knuckles bleeding.

- Don’t do that! - Phil almost shouted, almost glaring at Dan, his expression then softening as he glanced over Dan’s hand. - What good did that do? - he asked softly.

- Ah for fucks sake! - Dan rolled his eyes, slamming the door shut behind him and walking toward Phil, his eyes still dark from anger and skinny lines of blood dripping over his fingers already.

Phil swallowed, his eyes travelling between Dan’s eyes and his knuckles, thrown off guard once again. - Dan? - he asked slightly nervously.

Dan didn’t answer, grabbing Phil’s wrist in his other, not bloody, not bloody hand and starting to lead him to the opposite side of where he said that his step father will come, toward the bus stop.

- What are you doing? - Phil asked, speeding up to match Dan’s pace, not even trying to get his wrist free and simply staring at him in shock as they walked.

- Walking you to a bus stop. - Dan breathed out, his grip on Phil’s wrist firm but soft.

- Why? You need rest, not the task of dragging me around! - Phil sighed, knowing it’d be hard to convince Dan otherwise anyway.

- Because we didn’t finish our talk and I have no need of you getting lost. - Dan took a deeper breath.

Phil shrugged, but didn’t stop frowning at Dan. - Alright, at least slow down so you don’t tire yourself out? -

Dan didn’t answer but started to walk slower, sitting down at the bus stop, letting go of Phil’s wrist, resting his bloody hand over his knee.

- I might have tissues somewhere… - Phil muttered, unzipping his bag to look before Dan could reply.

Dan just waited, looking at Phil, looking exhausted once again, anger gone.

An awkward moment of silence later, Phil produced a squashed packet of tissues from his bag, then sliding onto the seat beside Dan and taking his hand. - No arguing, by the way, - Phil stated firmly.

Dan just let Phil take his hand and wipe away the blood, keeping his mouth shut.

Only once Dan’s hand was almost completely devoid of blood did Phil finally look up again. - There, that’s a little better. What did you want to say? -

- Why did she give you my number? And how did you find out that she is my step sister? - Dan asked, sounding really worn out.

Phil sighed, deciding to just say it rather than tire Dan out further. - She kind of guessed I was, uh, missing you, so she tried to help. It wasn’t anything bad, I promise. I think she felt bad for us. And, as for finding out she’s your step-sister: I recognised her voice. -

- So just like that, you recognise her voice and went straight up at her in school and asked for my number? And felt bad? Yeah, right. - Dan rolled his eyes.

- Oh! - Phil shook his head, forgetting that Dan didn’t know everything he did. - Right, sorry, yeah, she’s sort of my best friend so that made things easier… -

- She is your what?! - Dan sat up straighter, looking over at Phil.

Phil paused, shrugging sheepishly. - I didn’t know you guys were related! -

- We’re not! And there is no “we” between me and her! - Dan snapped.

- Okay, okay, I get it, sorry. - Phil held his hands up in mock-surrender, offering a small smile.

- Kiss me and I’ll forgive you. - Dan mumbled in a much softer voice, looking deep in Phil’s eyes.

It took Phil a moment to absorb that but then he nodded slowly. - Only if you promise not to push me away? -

- I didn’t push you away. You pushed me away. - Dan cocked his head to one side.

Phil was all sorts of confused again. - I really didn’t mean to, I don’t know why you think that… -

- Will you kiss me or not? The bus will be here any minute. - Dan groaned.

Phil thought for a second before simply nodding, shuffling closer so he could reach Dan but waiting just before their lips met, looking straight at Dan. - You sure this is okay? -

- Kiss me already, - Dan growled.

Phil chuckled and pushed their lips together, accidentally forgetting to try and keep his eyes open because of how surprisingly warm Dan was.

Dan answered to the kiss, placing his right hand over Phil’s cheek, deepening the kiss for a bit before breaking apart and standing up just when the bus stopped right in front of them.

Phil blinked, smiling up at Dan both gratefully and sadly. - Thank you, - he mumbled as he grabbed his bag and slung it over one shoulder.

- You can text me if you like. I don’t mind. - Dan called before Phil hopped into the bus, turning around and starting to walk back home.

Phil didn’t have time to reply but, as soon as he had a ticket, he found his phone and texted a simple: - You might regret that choice when I spam you! -

- See you in two days. Don’t forget to work on your part of project. -

- Don’t forget to stay alive x - Phil replied.

The next two days Dan wasn’t at school and there were no messages from him either but then, on Friday around lunch time Phil got a call from what sounded like a very excited and cheerful Dan.

- Dan? - Phil asked hesitantly, not having expected someone who’d been so injured to suddenly sound so cheerful.

- Philly! What a great time to hear your lovely voice, - Dan said in such a cheerful and lovely tone, making Phil completely forget his lunch and get all funny inside.

He stood up immediately, walking to an empty corridor so he could hear better. - What? I mean, thanks, but what? Are you okay? -

- I’m in front of the school in the parking lot. Waiting for you. So, don’t leave me waiting for long. - Dan now said in a serious tone and hung up.

Phil’s jaw fell open but he just pocketed his phone and ran. Ran faster than before because he wasn’t sure what he expected to see and, when he reached the parking lot, he frowned, unable to spot Dan for some reason.

- Phil! - Dan called from the side, all in black of course, leaning against shiny, new Porsche 918, his arms crossed over his chest, smirking at Phil, looking pleased for seeing how distracted Phil looked.

Phil walked over to him slowly, frowning. - How? - he asked simply, his gaze flicking between Dan, who looked a little bit healed, and the car.

- Get in. We’re going for a ride. - Dan opened the car door for Phil, not giving an option for a “no”.

Sighing in defeat, Phil climbed into the seat, admiring the car despite his confusion, and waited for Dan to get in or explain or, preferably, both.

Dan got in and start driving, speeding up so fast that it made them being pushed back into their seats by the force of it, big smirk like smile spreading over Dan’s lips.

Phil gasped, clutching the seat, adrenaline flooding into his blood. - What are you doing? - he murmured breathlessly.

- Showing you my new car, - Dan said joyfully, slowing down a bit to actually not break any rules.

- Where did you get a car? Especially one like this? - Phil asked incredulously, turning to look at Dan in shock.

- So, you know I went on a little trip, right? - Dan glanced over Phil for a millisecond. - So, he is all jealous about you and stuff, so he is kinda, hm, I could say treating me extra? -

An uneasy feeling crept over Phil. - He gave it to you, just like that? -

- Yup, we went to a car salon and he bought it for me. All papers on me so this is 100% mine! - Dan said with such a big smile over his lips, sounding so excited.

Phil smiled, unable to help returning Dan’s enthusiasm. - That’s awesome! -

After a second, though, his smile faded a little. - And what happens if you don’t go back to him after this? -

- Who cares? And this isn’t the only thing he did. As I said, he treated me extra these two days. It actually felt so good. Now I can kinda understand why people get sugar daddies but I don't know. - Dan laughed, stopping into what happened to be Phil’s favourite café.

- Sugar daddies don’t give you bruises, - Phil mumbled, but then just tilted his head and gestured to the café. - What’s your plan? -

- We get lunch. - Dan smiled, turning to Phil. - And I’m happy to see you. -

Dan’s eyes were full of softness as he slid a hand over Phil’s cheek before pulling him into a soft kiss.

Phil smiled into their kiss, taking Dan’s hand as he pulled back. - Did you know this was my favourite café? - he asked.

- No, this is my favourite place. - Dan let out a small giggle, starting to play with Phil’s fingers. - Did you already eat your lunch? -

Phil laughed suddenly. - No, it’s just gonna be on the table where I left it, unless someone ate it by now… -

- Well, good, because I’m buying you lunch. Let it count as a lunch date or something. I don't know how they call them. - Dan, to avoid the answer and look away from Phil, got out of the car right after saying it.

Taking a deep breath, Phil opened his door and climbed out too, almost shocked at how bright it was outside compared to inside the car, looking for Dan immediately.

Dan just flashed a fast smile at Phil, locking the car and walking into the cafe, letting Phil choose their seats.

He chose the ones near the window so they weren’t surrounded by too many people, but glanced at Dan before sitting down. - Is here okay? -

- I always sit here. - Dan sat down, looking over his nails as if wanting to scratch the nail polish off but there was none left, making him sigh.

Phil smiled a little. - That’s one problem that can actually be easily fixed, you know, - he commented, nodding to Dan’s plain nails.

- Yeah, I know. He made me clean them off. And when we got back I was kinda too excited to steal you from school to paint my nails. - Dan put his hands back down when the waiter came with the menu, Dan letting Phil fully choose food for them both.

Phil just ordered pizza-toasts for them both, hoping that was a safe option to go for and wanting Dan to try them if he hadn’t already.

- So tell me, how have you been these two days? Apart from the cute messages you kept sending me, - Dan asked with a full mouth, for sure looking hungry.

- I finished my part of the project that we’d decided on, starting adding some more information that you can check over…. other than that… uh, someone broke a window at school? - Phil offered, not sure what Dan wanted to know.

- If that wasn’t you then I don’t care. - Dan took a sip from his coke, already finishing his plate, licking his fingers.

Phil raised an eyebrow. - What, you don’t think I could break a window? -

- Nah, you are a drama queen but not the one who would actually break something. Not like that. - Dan looked over the waiter, showing three fingers up, and got a nod from her; after a moment the waiter brought a dessert over and Dan started to eat it like he really hadn’t eaten in the previous two days. - Want some? -

Phil shook his head. - No, it’s fine, you can have it, you seem like you need it more anyway, - he said, sitting back a bit.

- Wha? - Dan looked up. - C’mon, here is enough for both of us. -

Again, Phil declined. - Nah, it’s fine. I’m full anyway. -

- Philly, c’mon. Just one bite. For me. - Dan looked at Phil with puppy eyes, a big smile soon spreading over his lips.

Sighing in defeat, Phil only managed to stay firm for a few seconds before just giving in. - Fine, fine, enough of that look! -

- You love that look. - Dan chuckled, pecking Phil’s lips before giving him a bite of the dessert.

- I also love this, thanks, - Phil mumbled, even though his mouth was slightly full and his words came out muffled.

Dan smiled even bigger, starting to feed Phil his dessert while eating it himself too.

Once they were done, Phil looked at the empty plate, almost confused. - I can’t believe this is my favourite place and I’ve never had that before! -

- Well, it could be because you can’t order it. - Dan grinned, leaning back in his chair.

- What does that mean? - Phil asked, frowning slightly.

- It’s not on the menu. It is specially made for me and just for me. So, feel special. - Dan smiled softly.

- Oh, - Phil muttered quietly, - Well, thank you for sharing it then. -

- I would love to share not only that with you. - Dan mumbled quickly before standing up and going to pay for their order.

Phil followed him almost immediately, as soon as he’d processed what Dan had said. - Hey, what else do you want to share? - he asked, not caring if he sounded dumb.

Dan smirked, looking Phil up and down before mumbling a silent “everything” and simply turning around and finishing paying for their meal, giving the girl standing as a cashier a smile, then walking out of the cafe, sure that Phil is following him.

Of course, Phil did follow him until they were stood by Dan’s new car again, at which point Phil finally regained the ability to speak. - And how would you do that if you can’t spend a day with me without having to suffer consequences for it? - he asked slowly.

- Simply by spending time with you. - Dan smiled, leaned against the shiny car, pulling Phil closer by his hips and in between Dan’s legs, leaving his hands resting on Phil’s hips.

Phil let out a small gasp, then stared at Dan, tilting his head to one side. - And you’re sure that’d be safe? -

- Do you think that I give a fuck about it being safe or not? - Dan asked smirking, lowkey loving Phil’s warmth seeping through his clothes, warming him up.

Having expected that kind of answer, Phil gave Dan a pointed look. - You might not but you know I do… -

- Don’t worry, he literally won’t dare to hit me. - Dan groaned, rolling his eyes.

- What, and you gave yourself those bruises last time? - Phil retorted, raising an eyebrow.

- No, I mean that now, he can’t do that anymore. - Dan sighed, letting go of Phil. - Get in the car and I will tell you the whole story behind why I’m so sure about that. -

As ridiculous as he found it, Phil immediately missed the warmth of Dan standing so close to him, climbing into the car with a small shrug and waiting to see what Dan would say, hope blooming inside him.

- So, when we went away for these two days, on the first day there was a big fight and he wanted to hit me again because I said that I liked kissing you but then I simply said that if he laid that fist against me I would simply walk out of that door and never ever allow him to come near me. So he just stopped and later, when he aggressively pulled my hair and kinda bit down on my shoulder, I made something like a scene about him always being so damn rude and so on, so after some arguing, he just broke down, started apologizing and said that he cares for me and shit like that. Then he promised that he won’t hit me ever again. Well, after all the tears were dried and we’d gotten some sleep, he started being all polite, taking me shopping and treating me extra. And I think you helped too with your cute texts that kept me smiling softly down at my phone. - Dan finished with some sort of soft smile over his lips, looking over at his phone that was lying next to the steering wheel.

Phil had simply been watching Dan while he was explaining with a slight frown on his face but, once Dan looked at his phone, he smiled. - Well, that’s not perfect but it sounds good for now. So, what’s next? - Phil asked.

- I will let him treat me better. - Dan shrugged.

As much as Phil wanted to believe that was a good solution, he couldn’t help feeling worried and being, as Dan kept saying, a drama queen. - That’s it? - he mumbled.

- Well, and spending time with you. - Dan looked up at Phil, leaning closer to him with a naughty smile on his lips.

Phil rolled his eyes but he blushed anyway. - Fine, but only if it’s somewhere there’s no chance of him seeing us, - he replied.

- I don’t care, I could fuck you in front of him and still wouldn’t care. All I care about is you. Not him, - Dan breathed out against Phil’s lips.

A shiver running down Phil’s spine from the feeling of Dan’s breath on his lips, he just smiled again, but managed to pull back. - Still, - he muttered, not able to manage much more but hoping that got his point across.

- Come back, - Dan growled, pulling Phil back, - Kiss me. -

Phil leaned in close but stopped just as his lips brushed Dan’s, smirking. - Hurry up and drive us somewhere else, then, - he murmured.

Dan cursed loudly, starting the car and speeding off. Not really caring about speed limits or other cars, manoeuvring through them till they stopped in front of the house Dan lived in.

- Really? - Phil asked, but didn’t say anything else, wanting Dan to confirm if this was the final destination before kissing him.

- What? My room is not good enough? - Dan asked while taking the car keys out, ready to get out of the car.

Phil only shrugged in response, letting them both climb out of the car before saying: - If it’s away from prying eyes, anywhere’s good enough for me. -

Dan just lead Phil to his room and as soon as the door closed behind them, Dan pushed Phil down on the bed, climbing over him, smashing their lips together in a somehow hungry but pleading kiss.

This time, Phil got over his shock quickly, accepting and answering back to Dan’s advances, one of his hands finding a place in Dan’s curls and the other settling on Dan’s back as they shifted a little to make sure they wouldn’t hurt themselves as they kissed.

Dan kept kissing Phil until they were fully out of breath but still stayed on top of him, having one hand in Phil’s hair and other under his shirt gripping Phil’s hip, a hungry-like look in his eyes.

- Hi, - Phil mumbled pointlessly, breathing heavier than normal as he stared up at Dan, focusing on the warmth of someone else above him and the way his lips were still tingling.

- Be my boyfriend, - Dan breathed out, looking deep into Phil’s eyes.

Phil blinked, somehow yet again shocked by Dan, even though he should probably be used to that by now. - You already have one, - he whispered sadly.

- So, that’s a yes? - Dan asked, pathetically hopeful.

But Phil shook his head ever so slightly. - I wish it could be, but you can’t juggle both me and him without hurting yourself along the way. -

- I don’t care about him. All I care about is you and only you. I don’t care if it will hurt. I don’t care if I end up dead. I will be thankful for every second spent with you no matter what the payment of it will be. Even a simple kiss or touch is enough for me. You are my everything and I’d rather be dead than without you because there is no me without you. - Dan breathed out.

Living up to his ‘drama queen’ title, Phil could feel tears in his eyes from the sheer honesty in Dan’s words. He had to take a deep breath in order to compose himself enough to lean up and plant a small, soft kiss on Dan’s cheek. - For someone who didn’t even want to do this project to start with, that was an incredibly sweet speech. Thank you, - Phil whispered, then added: - But I care if you end up dead so I can’t let you put yourself in that situation. -

- So it’s a no then. - Dan slowly got up, his walls rising up at the same time, fully hiding the Dan he just was and showing only the cold fuckaboy who doesn’t give a fuck about anything that Phil met a week ago.

Phil frowned and grabbed Dan’s wrist, stopping him from going too far, continuing to stare into Dan’s eyes even though he was now met with a glare. - It’s not a no, it’s a yes with a condition, - he said firmly.

- No. It’s yes or no. And since you can’t give me a full-on yes, then it’s a no. Now get out of my house. - Dan’s tone was colder than ice and sharper than any razors possible.

And yet, Phil wasn’t having it. He simply folded his arms and glared at Dan. - You’re not doing that again. Be honest, if I was with someone else that kept hurting me, would you say yes if I asked you? -

- That doesn’t matter anymore. Now get the fuck out! - Dan almost dragged Phil out of the house in such coldness and anger, slamming the door right in his face.

Later, he got a message from Dan that simply said: “email me your half of the project.”

After that Phil didn’t see Dan in school and his phone number had been changed. It was like Dan had never existed at all and Phil had only imagined everything.

After a week, Phil finally asked Lynsy where Dan was but oh, how he wished that he hadn’t asked.

- He moved out with his boyfriend last Sunday, - she said without any emotions, looking up at Phil and sighing. - I warned you that he is a fuckaboy and slut. You should have listened to me. -

- No, - Phil breathed, shaking his head, - he wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t… -

Then, despite Lynsy’s attempt at arguing, Phil got up and ran, he ran all the way through the cemetery and across the bridge, through the trees and up the road to Dan’s place, simply pushing the unlocked door open and skipping up the steps to Dan’s room.

But it really was empty, a simple room without any personality left.

Phil walked around, frowning at the desk, now bare and slightly scratched as if something had been ripped off it, and looking over the empty walls in case he’d missed something.

- Phil, he’s gone. - Lynsy’s voice brought Phil back from his thoughts, she was standing at the door, looking at Phil with a sad expression.

- Where did they go? He must have mentioned something? - Phil asked, sort of desperately, refusing to believe he’d found and lost Dan within a week.

- He didn’t. He just came down the stairs when we had breakfast announcing that he is leaving with his boyfriend and won’t be coming back. Then murmured as if we cared anyway and walked out the door, got into his car and left. I’m sorry, Phil. - She reached a hand out for Phil.

Phil just brushed it away, knowing she wouldn’t be offended. - But he was ready to stay… Why would he just leave? Especially with him? - he wasn’t even asking her at this point, just thinking aloud.

- Do you know who he left with? Because we never knew that he had a long lasting person… - She sighed.

- That’s because you didn’t bother to ask, - Phil muttered, then nodded slowly. - Yeah, I know who it is. And so do you, if you’ve done your project right… -

- What? I don’t understand… Is it someone from school? - She really sounded confused.

Phil tilted his head to one side. - You really don’t know? - he asked, shocked.

- No, I have no idea. He was really private, he didn’t like me or my dad, so he never talked to us. So I really don’t know. I don’t even know why he didn’t like us so much. - She pulled Phil to her room and sat down, sitting Phil down next to her.

Looking around for a moment, he whistled. - Wow, you guys are completely different, - he commented, then, after a second, returned to their previous conversation. - Well, he said he was with the project teacher so… -

- He was what? - She asked in full shock.

- Exactly. - Phil sighed, standing up again, pinching the bridge of his nose. - I don’t get it, where can Dan go if the teacher was still in school? -

- Em… I haven’t actually seen that teacher the whole week… - She sounded genuinely worried.

Phil went still, staring at her. - Didn’t you? I thought I did… Oh, perfect, - he mumbled, flopping down onto the floor, unsure of what to do next.

- Maybe I can go and sneak his new phone number from his mum for you? I think that he did send her one but I’m not sure… But for you, I can try? - She kneeled down in front of Phil.

Phil looked up at her with hope and appreciation in his eyes. - Would you, really? Even though I was a bit cold to you? - he asked, biting his lip with guilt.

- You are my best friend. And I see that you care deeply about him. - She stood up with a smile. - Be right back. -

After several minutes she finally came back with a phone number in her hand, giving it to Phil but when Phil tried calling it, it said that number doesn’t exist.

After weeks of trying to get Dan’s new number, it started to get even more and more surreal that Dan had even because there was literally nothing that would prove Phil that he wasn’t just imagining it all.

One day at school someone sits down next to him, making him look up and meet forest green eyes staring down at him, making his heart jump a bit.

- Hi, I’m Ostin. - The boy said in a smooth voice, making Phil forget the aching piece in his mind that had been Dan. More or less.

like/reblog bt don’t repost, thanks!  Masterlist

[justmysicklypride]

P-P-P-Play that shit: ptv analysis - Part 2

 Hi what’s up everyone and welcome to this week’s pew news. This is a continuation of my last post where I pretty much summed up Pierce The Veil’s career from the beginning to present and gave an overview of their rise and downfall. You can check it out here, but if you already know about everything or have read it already then feel free to ignore it. In any case, I was originally gonna make these two posts as one but ran out of room bc who the hell would read that much text in a blog post (me) so here you go - part two of this fucking conspiracy theory because I didn’t even get to share any of my thoughts in the last one. (I also forgot to put headers with each new topic smh apologies to the English language)

Edit: it’s been fucking eons since I wrote the last one/started writing this one like legit I even changed my user. The reason why this has been put off for so long will be explained later but yh smh

Gigantic obligatory disclaimer: Everything that I will discuss whether it be in this post or my last, or any future posts that relate to this subject IS NOT going to touch on the subject of the “sexual relations with a minor” incident in itself. I will not go into detail about my own views on this specific matter as there is literally no way to win because whatever I say could be taken out of context by literally anyone. That being said, I do not condone pedophilia, I do not condone sexual harassment or rape, and I do not undermine the importance of consent. I respect the laws of different states, as I know they vary with time and place, and I understand that everyone has their own opinions and I do not wish to impose my own onto others.

In regards to this, however, I do have to acknowledge that I, first and foremost, do not think that Mike Fuentes is innocent, and I strongly believe that how the band handled this situation was just plain terrible, but I do also have to acknowledge the fact that this situation is to stay between the accuser and the victim, as well as their respective legal teams and that I should not go nosedive headfirst into anything like this when it does not directly affect or require my judgement as a necessity, lest I face any legalities or blacklash as a result. Furthermore, everything that I will be talking about are conspiracies only and I do not in any way assume or imply that any of this is true.

In other words, I don’t mean to offend anyone but if you end up getting offended then that’s on you, not me. Let’s begin.

Introduction 

The points that I am trying to highlight in this essay post is, in simple words, that Pierce The Veil’s... well, everything, comes off as kind of a conspiracy, almost, to me. I have had these thoughts for a long-ish time, and so this post is basically me finally making a post that covers all things that I have been thinking of in the past. Unlike my previous post, this one is a lot less fact-based and a lot more opinionated, so if you’re not into that, then that’s fair. Otherwise, I will be discussing the following things (in this order): the topic of kellic, Misadventures, and the accusation + response.

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Ship Them Together And Call It Lemonade

I refer to my last post and assume that everyone understands how “kellic” came to be and what it means. To summarise to the bare minimum best of my abilities, it’s the ship name of Vic Fuentes and Kellin Quinn, aka what people call it when someone wants or is keen on the idea of these two frontmen having an affair with each other in a (typically) fictional setting. It happens all the time, especially in this day and age where you can easily just find someone with the same obsession as you with a click of a button. That’s why King For A Day, and inadvertently Collide With The Sky, became such a huge success. It appealed to the right demographic of teenagers and tweens who were ecstatic at the prospect of shipping, and went on to achieve even more impressive feats following that. How you ask? Well, by going on a tour around the world of course. Together. Playing shows every night that ends with one of them literally carrying the other off the stage. Gotta give the people what they want, hey?

I have a strong belief that the key to success is through beating the system at its own game. In this case, the game is simple - get fans, get money. Unfortunately, as we all know, getting fame isn’t as easy as simply earning it through grit and determination. To achieve fame, one must find a way to do something at the right time in the right way so that people will notice. If one person does, and your fire doesn’t die out right away, then you’ve got yourself a forest fire. Then later on, all you gotta do is keep this forrest fire going, but assuming that there isn’t someone standing on the other side with the whole fire department’s resources in tow, then the only thing stopping this fire is itself, because with all things in life, fire dies out, and fame stops accumulating after a while if nothing is done about it. Humans need entertainment. If something starts to fail to pique their interests, then they move on. That’s why YouTubers are required to change up their content every now and again in order to try and relight that spark they once had, and even then there’s a good chance that they won’t. 

I was originally going to write another blog essay about this whole YouTube analogy thing but quickly realised that for one, I don’t have time bc I’m getting my ass fucked by university on a daily basis; and that for another, there’s most likely a billion other videos or essays about this topic as is, so I’ll just link one or two of them here. I haven’t watched them all yet or I don’t remember much of them, but all they do is pretty much summarise up stuff like how YouTubers become successful and their downfalls and all that, and even though they kinda focus on a specific person or group of people, I feel like it could be generalised.

Even without the YouTube metaphor, we know shipping works. It is evident in multiple works across various media that giving the fans what they want is often what gives these people their continued success, such as Dan Howell and Phil Lester, who have all but stopped trying to create their own individual branding (save for their separate merch stores that are probably there just to get more people to buy their overpriced clothing), and who at this point have become such an overused example that I actually hesitated writing that. Why do you think movies and shows and cartoons mostly have a romantic subplot? Romance is an essential trope in literature and easily one of the most popular genre out there for various reasons. According to a Bustle article written in 2016, romance often gives the readers a sense of hope or gives them a way to live out their fantasies in the easiest way possible, and while this may not apply to everyone, (personally I’m not a romance fan much at all but I can appreciate good literature), it’s hard to deny the phrase “sex sells”.

Given that, you’d think that any company with half a brain would learn to exploit it, but for some reason this wasn’t the case in Pierce The Veil’s management, and no matter how I look at it, I can’t really see the reason why. It’s not like the band members are uncomfortable with the ship - Jaime Preciado has been seen kissing Vic Fuentes on stage (not on the lips guys chill) (I had forgotten how fucking difficult it takes to find this one specific clip so here’s a couple different fuenciado pictures instead to make up for it smfh), and Vic Fuentes has mentioned kellic in a live stream once jokingly - and Kellin Quinn is notoriously known for being completely okay with it (so long as he doesn’t have to look at it), so just what is the reason?

This Ain’t A Hiatus, It’s A Goddamned Arms Race

I’d be lying if I didn’t miss all the memes that all stemmed from the Pierce The Veil boys not being able to release an album when they’d promised, before postponing said album yet again and disappearing off of the face of the earth digitally for another year or two, giving them a total of four years as their unofficial, unannounced hiatus. For this, I have several questions.

We all know Vic Fuentes loves taking his sweet ass time releasing music - he’s admitted to remaking his first album a second time before releasing it, as stated an interview a couple years back - but you can’t honestly tell me their management just let them get away with it. Sure, through this time they’ve been pushing out new merch to no end, but something tells me that this giant gap they’ve wedged between the new album and Collide With The Sky isn’t gonna be good publicity, despite all the memes that’ve sprouted from it. There’s been fans who stopped taking interest in this band because of it, as well as fans who have just gotten fed up with having to wait so long. They scrapped a whole completed album in the process of creating Misadventures too, and while it’s not uncommon for bands to throw away near-completed ideas at whim, it’s also not unlikely for there to be some external factors or reasoning behind why they did it. Could it be that the album they threw away stayed too close to their roots and management or some other person told the band to start again, so that they can create something more appealing to this day and age? Or could it be something else that is hard to see at face-value?

You’ll Never Get Ahold Of Me Now

Finally, I’m gonna address the overdue elephant in the room. If you want to read the full thing, here it is because I’m tired of having to reiterate what happened. Mike Fuentes received a sexual allegation by some girl(s) and the band released a shitty statement that has since gotten deleted - that’s the general gist of it. 

Like I said, it’s been literal months (or weeks idk my perception of time is severely fucked) since I actually started making this post so literally no one cares anymore, but regardless of what past me has promised or written down, I’m not going to be discussing the allegation in itself, but rather what and/or how the band and their subsequent management has handled it, in that they handled it so bad that I honestly can’t believe they did it like that. 

Edit: I wasn’t gonna bother finding another copy of the statement bc no one’s gonna give a shit but then I’d be doing some baseless shit and I honestly can’t stand people who half ass these things, despite my growing urge to do the same thing, so here’s the statement. 

For starters, who the hell waits one whole month before releasing a statement? From what I can remember, their excuse was allegedly that pretty much management forbade them to talk or make a statement about it earlier for... reasons? (Just realised I don’t actually have the source for this so idk take it with a grain of salt I guess because I was sure I had read this somewhere but I can’t back it up.) 

That’s not even the worst part, either. The statement itself gave zero closure to literally everything. Yes, they acknowledged the allegation, but that’s just about as far as they went. The whole point of a statement is to clear things up, whether the accuser was right or wrong, and what steps will be taken from there, whether an apology is to be issued or not. No shit you know about the incident, who in the fandom wouldn’t? Instead pointing out the straight up obvious, what they should’ve done was 1) not waited an entire fucking month before talking about it, most likely hoping the whole thing to blow over by then and 2) actually talked about the incident in their statement instead of tiptoeing around the subject like some sort of time bomb ready to go off. There is no right or wrong answer, because literally all they had to do was tell the truth - as in write down a statement from Mike (not the whole fucking band mind you) about his take on the whole thing or get him to say what had happened from his point of view. Then resolve it privately with your legal team and whatnot if they really feel the need. Hell, all he needed to do was apologise. Whether something like that classifies as assault or rape or whatever is up to you but the fact of the matter is that she’s underaged at that point in time. Even if she was fully aware of the risks and whatnot and gave legitimate consent, under the eyes of the law and pretty much 80% of the people reacting to this incident, it will be deemed illegal and inappropriate behaviour. All these people had to do was literally just be open and honest about it regardless of whatever the hell happened, because this is all happening on a public platform where everyone can see/read it to their hearts’ content. Viewers can’t judge or make a decision to support or not support you if you don’t tell them your side of the story, so for the love of god, why the hell didn’t they?

The statement was filled with bullshit about how they love the fans and all that shit, and honestly my thoughts can be accurately summed up in this video right here. So much backlash could have potentially been avoided had they just told it as it is, because now all we have is a vague ass response that gives no closure and tell us nothing as to whether Mike actually did it or not, because in the statement he manage to spout some bullshit about how he’s “never intentionally manipulated or abused anyone in [his] life” and that he’s just a ball of empathy which at first glance could suggest he at least thinks he’s innocent, but then they go on to say how Mike’s taking a temporary leave from the band for, you guessed it, absolutely no reason. At least, no reason that they’ve given us (what else is new) (I’m becoming more petty as the night drags on it’s literally 1am). Honestly, .@piercetheveil, please tell me why the honest to god fuck did you have him leave just after suggesting that he might be innocent? I know the world isn’t black and white but when you’re making a stance and defending yourself or admitting to something, it really is - black and white that is. Either you’re innocent or believe that you’re innocent and stand your ground by not leaving the band, or you admit that you are guilty, in which case your leaving of the band would actually feel justified, because now it’s like you’re gonna come back as well, so what does that even mean? Mike isn’t gone indefinitely, he hasn’t pleaded guilty or innocent, and now the band is telling us they love us? Fuck out of here with that bullshit.

Yes, I support the band’s decision to pull out of the All Time Low tour and to not have Mike out there in case fans feel threatened or unsafe or whatnot, but if you’re pleading innocent, then honestly the whole band should’ve just said “hey we’re gonna go on hiatus for a while until our legal team’s finished with taking care of everything”, and not just said hey guys we’re gonna kick him out because he may or may not have done something that we’re not gonna tell you because we’re shady fuckers like that. I know they are on hiatus right now, but at the “start”, they only said that Mike would be withdrawing temporarily or whatever so it’s kind of like, okay? Sure? It’s a right mess I assure you. Honestly, throughout this whole incident, it was this statement part that made me really fed up with this band. My interest in them had died down significantly from since I hit fifteen all those three years ago, and right now when I dug up an old iPod shuffle to bring with me to university to save my phone battery throughout the day, I can honestly say that I won’t be adding any Pierce The Veil songs onto it anytime soon unless I get peer pressured to. Personally, I feel like that’s kind of the mentality of a lot of had-been Pierce The Veil fans, too.

That’s Great And All But What’s Your Point?

Pierce The Veil’s management sucks ass.

There’s no easy, lawsuit-prone way for me to say it but, and this is just a conspiracy theory I swear to god if I get the fucking ASIS kicking down my door in the middle of the night you better read the fucking disclaimer, there’s obviously some shady shit going on in there no matter what way you slice it. Either they’re sabotaging Pierce The Veil’s success or whether it’s all some big confusion or misunderstanding, or if they’re just plain dumb, we can all agree that this whole thing - the kellic fan service, album making, allegations and subsequent statements - should’ve and could’ve been handled a hell of a lot more gracefully and professionally. Believe it or not, waiting until things blow over is frankly just childish and solves literally nothing, so either they can pull their act together quickly with this next “special secret” album to redeem what little quality/dignity they have left, or they can just fade away into irrelevancy and become a band that no one cares about anymore. 

History repeats itself. This band is quickly becoming just another Leafyishere, and as ominous as that sounds, it’s honestly not unlikely at this point. I am intrigued as to where they go from here, because if they manage to breakthrough again, then I would be very surprised given their current situation. I want to know how they choose to handle this - whether it’ll be the same or not, we’ll just have to wait and see.

Thank you so much if you read through this honestly like I am beyond happy that this is fucking over because I have a bunch of non-band related post essays I’ve been meaning to post but this one’s been nagging at the back of my mind for the past few months or however long it’s been. I’ve clocked in at around past 3k words for this one, and none of this is edited because I’m honestly so done with this you don’t understand. Like I said before, this took ages because I was gonna make another post talking about other shit that relates to this before realising that there’s way too many people that’ve addressed the whole YouTube thing so me doing it would literally be pointless, and even though no one really reads this shit, as big of a nerd as I am, I do enjoy writing bullshit because maybe then I’ll stop ranting to my friends and family about topics they don’t care about.

Regardless, that’s it for this two parter thing, and until next time or whatever.

Catch’ya x

[numberonephanboy-blog]

Saved by a Stray pt. 1

(Reposting bc i fixed some of the mistakes)

Warnings: uhh pre smut ig (but not until the end). Mentions of fighting. My horrendous grammar.

It gets better a you go on, I just suck at starts.

Dan’s P.O.V

I know this is beyond cheesy and cliché, but Phil and I are secret agents. We’re part of this really special unit from our faction that was formed in the after math of the worlds destruction. And when together we’re one of the best working teams out there. Finding partner, in the post-apocalyptic state that we call the world, is next to impossible. So Phil and I have a pact, as long as feelings aren’t involved, we can get each other off from time to time. Our friend Chris is currently in trouble and all I can think about the past three days is trading myself for his release. Which brings us to our current situation.

A bear of a man approached me and offered me a cup of beer. Well, what was considered beer. I said my thanks even though I knew fully well I wouldn’t be drinking it. Can’t be alert with this slush running through your veins.

“Can’t have the good hero boy feeling left out on the beer,” he said with a grin. He had at least six long scars across his face, making him appear far more menacing.

Thank you.“ I said again.

“No prob. Hey I saw your fight the last time you were in this area. Not that you could call it one. You were too hard core for it to be fair. But, man I was blown away. Never seen anything like it.” he peered at me from under a thick fan of lashes. /Ew/ I thought to myself. “So…how do you do it? Do you have like a special trick or move? There has to be some secret to that nimble body of yours.”

I suppress the need to cringe inwardly. “It’s just something I do, special training I guess, good reflexes.”

“Well, you should think about getting in the pit tonight. We’ve been talking about you, and the guys that missed it will do just anything for the chance to watch you work.”

The pit. In this faction most of the agents are all hyped and vamped to get in the pit and test each others strengths. The one and only time I was in the pit, I took every single person that was thrown at me. That night I wasn’t thinking clearly and needed a quick way to blow off some stream. “Maybe another time,” I said. To me, fighting was a business-a privilege-not a sport.

Phil appeared at my side, glaring at the man who then, holding up his hands, backed off. Phil took my arm and pulled me away.

“We found out what Hodad means,” he said the moment we were alone. All the reprimand I was about to say suddenly died out.

“Well? Tell me.” I demanded.

Taking the cup of beer from my hands he says, “Hands of death and destruction.”

Oh….well fuck.

“Chase’s men also found out where Dr. Sans Cœur has been hiding” he adds. “They’re sending a team to bring him here. He might be able to tell us where chris is being kept.”

“You’re not going?” I asked.

“I delegated. Come on.” He led me out of the building and across the cold, barren field.

“Where are we going?”

“The safe house.” he replies easily.

Alone? For a lecture…or something else?

He led me to a small, dark, painted house with a password on the door. After punching in the code, we walked in together. The room is darkly lit with a big hand-knitted rug in front of a fireplace. The walls are painted where there used to be blank drywall.

“It’s been furnished,” I say surprised.

“Only this room.” He says while building a fire. “ look, I know you and I know you’re thinking it’ll be okay for you to trade yourself for Chris.”

Lecture. Great. I got comfortable on the rug.

“But it’s not okay. Not now, not later. And don’t even think about arguing. I lead our group mission. Hence, I lead you. I make the decisions, and you do what I say.”

This is the same Phil right? Not a replacement clone? “The only reason I’m not knocking you to your knees and making you beg for mercy right now is because I know you’re speaking from a place of deep concern for me. But, Phil? You are seriously irritating the shit out of me.”

He sat down in front of me. I yanked at the collar of his shirt and let the material snap back into place.

“You’re either my best friend or my boss,” I said. “You can’t be both. Pick one.”

He scooted closer to me so close I basically had to straddle his lap to remain upright. Big hardship. His chest brushed against mine, and whether accidental or intentional, it sent a thrill through my entire body.

“Boss then.” He says coolly.

As different, emotions played havoc with my heartbeat, the scent of strawberries teased me.“Best case scenario, I don’t have to trade myself and Dr. Sans Cœur will think I’m willing. And yea he’ll try to double cross us like we’re doing to him, but you’re acting like we don’t have a chance.” I try hiding my breathlessness as he runs a hand down the knoches in my spine. “There’s a chance I can save our friend.”

“A chance you could be tortured or killed.” He says with conflicting emotions.

We’re getting dangerously close to that line that we weren’t supposed to cross. So in attempts to getting us off that path I tighten my grip on him. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I sigh.

“Fine, just don’t go being a hero. Yea we’re good guys and we fight for what’s right, but I’m in charge and we need to do things my way.” He says, pulling my body closer.

“Agreed. As long as your way is my way.”

“You’re right, let’s for get this for now. I have a better use for your mouth.”

“Way ahead of you.” I chime in before connecting out lips. I place my hand on his shoulders and push him down into the rug, but he’s quick to roll us over.

This is always my favorite part. Fighting for whose on top. Phil wins almost every time, but not because he stronger than me, its because somewhere inside myself, I know I like having his weight pressing down on me.

He’s fast as he takes my hands and pins them down, having learned I’d use them to flip us back around. He smile down at me wickedly before diving back in for a rough kiss. I kiss back with just as much enthusiasm.

“Is this you’re way of distracting me?” I ask, making sure my voice is extra breathy. I press my body up against his. “It’s working.” I then quickly take advantage of him thinking that he’d won already and flip us over. My hands now trapped his, my legs still wrapped around his waist.

“Mmm,” I sigh happily. “It’s been weeks since we’ve done this.”

“What?” He responds with another wicked smile, “Laying here…talking?”

I rock my hips against his, “you know what I mean…kissing.” I place hot kisses to his jaw, “Touching…” I run my hands up his sides and over his chest. “Everything.” I say actually breathless. He flips us around for a final time.

“Dan.” He groans.

Alright well needless to say, we fucked. Again. For I’m not even sure what time, we’ve done it so much, but anyway, i’m running out of time for this journal entry thing so I’ll leave it here for now.

-DH

A/N Hi so I’m Toby and this is my first time writing and posting a fic i’m hella scared to be perfectly honest but whatever. This was heavily inspired by a book I read like 4 years ago. If you have suggestions or want me to continue with this let me know. Thanks guys :)

[estuarries]

baby’s first liveshow commentary

hello lads i have decided to attempt doing @nihilist-toothpaste​ inspired video commentary/write up/review thingies!!!! welcome to ramble-y fun time

phil’s liveshow on august 10, 2017

his smile in the first minute makes my heart so happy i love him so much

i love the eye-tongue-eye emoji stop being mean to it

he’s a bit late bc he just finished filming a new ap vid!!! it took him longer than he thought it would to finish filming bc he was rambling. this is a #relatable brain thing

“i just said goodbye and now i’m saying hello again!” wrt filing and then doing a liveshow makes me rly happy bc i wouldn’t have thought abt it that way. i love phil’s brain

new vid clues: paper bag(?) and bubble wrap. amazingphil asmr part ii??

dan’s not joining the liveshow bc he has a headache but phil’s gonna hop into dan’s next one

closed eyes and happy gesticulation whilst telling sleepy-morning “unexpected window cleaning man frightened me” story

phil’s fight/flight/freeze response is freeze

“imagine if i had decided to make breakfast naked! ...if i was that kind of person…” its okay m8 we know u like to make nakey bro brunches w danyul

are the emoji pants the only pair of graphic pj pants he has now ??? why are they being featured so prominently lately ???? phil IS an emoji is the only phnnie conspiracy i can support now

in the ap vid phil did SCIENCE and REACTED TO THINGS (chemistry . reaction . hehe :3)

he’s out of tv shows to watch ….he and dan have watched so many series together over the years ..... i am emotional

phil hasnt watched in a heartbeat EITHER !! BLASPHEMOUS BOYES!!!

re: rick and morty. i strongly agree and it makes me so nervous that rick burps all the time i cannot focus on whats happening in the show bc rick gives me so much anxiety

he misses the cherry blossom tree in thehowlter’s front yard and they are hopefully going to put it in when they have money

“you’re all like dan! not everything has to be symmetrical!” thank u for these affirmations that not everything has to be perfect thank u for being chill. a chill phil. 

“i dont mind a little bit of wonkiness!” “i’m at a bit of a wonk!” “is the entire house wonky?” the only real phil branding is ~WOnKy~

phils hands are so beautiful???? i love them?????? @ 8:50ish

him trying to figure out his best side and saying “one? or two?” as options like at the optometrist when ur getting ur eyes checked. 

someone in the chat: “both!” phil’s cheeky grin/”don’t flatter me!!!” response

someone in the chat: “side three!” i snort laughed along w phil this is truly Good Content. dark!phil RISE

phil doesn’t think he really has a bad side and his easy neutrality wrt his physical appearance is dreamy. i love him and i love that he’s comfy w himself like this

phil had an eye infection and this is the first day he’s been without glasses…… why does he glasses-bait us like this …..

it’s really hard for him to concentrate with dilated pupils so that’s why he was being a wee bit wonky in the last liveshow

his eye is no longer infected and is “white and ready to see!”. the tone of his voice, his accent, and the phrasingof that reminded me so much of my british grandma who i havent seen in a few years and now i want to call her i miss her

wicked was “as the kids say...Wicked.” I SNORTED AKLHFAEIHKF

also i cannot believe that he and dan used the same silly phrasewhen talking about their opinions of wicked. is it still #copyrightinfringement if its your bf blatantly enterprising ur intellectual property?

phil was feeling a bit meh going into wicked but now he’s converted and a fan

he loved defying gravity :(

phil: every audience is important! me: crying

phil loves coming-of-age/college/highschool aus … Me Too

phil remix: the top fans to the tune of mad world “all around me are familiar faces...lillyphanstuff, joteleena…”

he’s had “mad world” and also that fuckin. ditty song stuck in his head

“...is one thicc bih - NO!” is the best thing ive ever heard

im so sad that phil hasnt experienced the joys of ditty. apparently he doesn’t have it downloaded and doesn’t really know what it is

14:07 is my new ringtone (he sang the ditty tune in “doot doot doot”s)

“bandicussy” IM DEAD

phil thought it was a good family activity to see dunkirk but it made his parents very emotional bc his maternal grandad was in the war

making your entire family cry is apparently the phil way to entertain

neither he nor dan understood the timelines of dunkirk upon first watch

after filming his ap vid he sanitized using vanilla cupcake hand sanitizer

he watches zoe’s bath and bodyworks candle/lotion hauls??????? ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

apparently b&bw has some ~priiiicey~ candles. phil is the coupon clipping, consumer reports reading dad

he said that livestreaming games on dapg would be “dope”. i am reminded for the millionth time that he is a 30 year old white man. i am moderately uncomfortable.

jk it was someone in the chat who said it he was just reading the comment

“hi to the ‘phan’s moving boxes’ group chat”

facterino according to the nature man on tv: in england nature has decided that it’s autumn already. this is evidenced by blackberries coming out in august. because fall isstartingso early they’re expected to have a harsh winter but its fine bc he is excited for snow!

some climate change discourse

he’s not a big doctor who fan but his fav doctor is david tennant

he’s excited for the “lady doctor” and i’m uh. not a huge fan of that wording

23:02 pre-sneeze noises and hand motions are Delightful

apparently it’s southern england peeps who pronounce scone with a hard o (scOHne) and northerners pronounce it with a soft o (scAWn). phillu doesn’t know which pronunciation he uses

my mom grew up in cornwall (and moved to america when she was a teen. i’m american btw!) and pronounces it the northern way. we’ve had the scohne vs scawn debate!! lots of #britishfamilythings in this liveshow

philly homework motivation song @ 24:52

his first response to ppl being sad about school starting in a week is to calculate how many seconds are in a week so they can re-frame their time left in a way that feels more plentiful. i love this ???

i also really love how he tries to read premium messages from different people every time. idk that’s just really thoughtful and as a fan i really appreciate it

he knows that black makes him look good …. GOodBYe

today is world lion day!

phil is the one who puts the funny/random holidays on the dnp calendars. of course it was but im still so happily surprised  

doinganap’s sicth/sixth discourse

he’s reading people from the chat’s bdays and telling them what funny holidays are on their birthdays! i love how he finds different ways to get ppl in the chat involved every liveshow. i appreciate him so much !like yeah i know its a marketing thing but let me pretend its solely phil’s care for us

he wants to go back to japan

he can’t read or edit and listen to music at the same time! me neither

someone asked what a good pet would be and phil went on a lil tangent about how it’s important to have enough time to take care of the pet you choose!! dont get an exotic pet or a breed of non-exotict pet that requires a lot of time, money, or energy to care for it if you’re not at a point in your life where u can take care of it to the best of your ability! <3

hedgehogs are one of the most common animals in the uk??? what the heck?

he can’t remember whether or not he’s seen a hedgehog irl so he texts mum lester to ask <3 why is this the sweetest thing in the world . like seeing a hedgehog irl would be an experience that his family facilitated or even if he was moved out when it happened it would have been so exciting that he def would have told kath about it. so any way it happened she would know about it. my heart is Warm.

he’s not a huge summer candle burner but as soon as it’s september he’ll be on the pumpkin spice train

mum lester texted back and apparently his grandparents had a family of hedgehogs in their garage and his granddad built them a little hedgehog house to hibernate in :( wow!

phil might play shelter 2 … with dan. No Thank You. let us have some phil-only time plz 

shelter 2 is more of an autumnal game so he might do it later when he can cozy up with some cocoa and herd the badger babies

he feels a coffee buzz after five (5) chocolate-covered coffee beans. r u sure u even drink coffee phil????

rye bread is worse (in phil’s opinion) than regular bread and is ”claggy”. i busted out laughing and texted my mom IMMEDIATELY bca LOOOONG time ago we were at a family christmas party with my dad’s extended family and all of the Adults were playing scrabble. my mom ended up spelling claggy and everyone else was like THATS A MADE UP WORD WHAT THE FUCK!!!! and my mom was like ???? no its not? my dad’s family is from the eastern us and had never heard the word claggy before and i remember my dad giving my mom shit about it for YEARS afterward because she caused such an uproar. idk if it was a regional thing or if americans just don’t say claggy but REGARDLESS. my mom and i had a good laugh over this description of rye bread and we both love phil

he’s nervous abt what dalien is going to look like and become as he grows up. phil’s general reaction to dalien has been one of caution and nervousness and idk ?? someone more thoughtful analyze that please

his advice for making the most of the last bits of summer: do something you haven’t done before! immediately after bestowing upon us this Wise Advice he giggles and becomes self aware of his parental tone. Our Dad Is Becoming Self Aware

he doesnt swear around his parents?????? my mom says fuck all the time :0

2018 calendar and season two pastel plushies are in the works!

he’s singing another song to list the top fans. suggestions include toxic, the ditty tune, and the tetris theme. he goes with the ditty song and starts laughing in the middle of it so makes a seamless musical transition to toxic

if everything recorded properly with his new vid we should see it in the next few days!

he hopes that we have a lovely weekend and that whatever we end up doing brings us a bit of happiness :( i love him thank u phil

tiny little bonus song after he covers up the camera. schrodingers phil.

all in all i love phil’s liveshows and this has been the highlight of my day. thank u for reading!

[ipatrichor]

okay it’s morning and i have More Thoughts so

the whole sun/moon aesthetic... i like it and i want it so :’ techno is blessed by the sun goddess or whatever, and wilbur by the moon goddess

this gives them special gifts like,, maybe techno gets boosts to his fighting skill or the ability to heal himself & others, and idk what wilbur gets yet but it’s definitely not as flashy (yet another way he feels inadequate)

so anyway in the past there was some thing abt the sun goddess and moon goddess fighting and nearly killing each other, and it’s something about their (descendants or reincarnations, maybe??? twins with the power of the goddesses) being prophesied to finish the battle by one striking the other down. also the moon goddess was seen as the Bad One bc (kingdom reasons idk,, probably they value the sun a lot since it brings warmth and they live in the Fucking Arctic) which is also a low self-esteem thing for wilb :/

wilbur finds out about this Far too young and immediately goes and tells techno bc he doesn’t want to fight,, he loves his brother and techno reassures him with a promise that they’ll never battle each other because they’ll always be best friends

wilbur forgets about this eventually (like the regular kind of forgetting where he’d remember if prompted but he doesn’t like. think about it really) but techno never does. phil eventually sits them down when they’re like,, young teens and tells them about the prophecy, but he reassures them that prophecies are usually mostly bullshit anyway so there’s nothing to worry about as long as they love each other

i mean it’s a decent strategy and might have worked if a) wilbur didn’t have such bad anxiety and b) he hadn’t already had several years to Really Internalize that he was bad and techno was going to kill him (which is the conclusion he came to, since he can’t picture himself killing techno and he knows techno wouldn’t kill him without a really good reason, so he must be awful in the future)

anyway fun fact i think it would be neat if this made wilbur nocturnal while his family (and especially techno) are Very diurnal 

so when he stumbles into that spooky shit(tm) in the cave, it’s less of random evil stuff and more like,, kickstarts the prophecy. the thing influencing him is fate, more or less, by which i mean less the vague concept and more a force that can borderline control people and is also a bitch

so in the first path, techno just doesn’t have the knowledge to go against the prophecy as it was interpreted by wilbur all those years ago. he kills his brother to save him and to save everyone else from him, and it haunts him for the rest of his life

tommy leaves the castle and spends the rest of his life traveling, seeing sights at first because wilbur never got to, and later because he finds that he loves the life of adventure. phil abdicates/retires, putting techno in charge and spending most of his time either raising animals or gardening. techno has to take the crown because there’s no one else, and he spends a lot of time talking to wilbur’s memorial- apologizing, and later talking through his problems and telling wilbur about his day. he always ends by telling wilbur that he misses him, and when he eventually passes from old age, he’s found leaning against the weathered stone memorial with a peaceful smile

in the second one, though, techno figures out that something is wrong soon enough to do something about it. so with the help of the enchantments he strikes wilbur down without killing him, which does technically satisfy the prophecy because it never specified that one of them would have to die. the prophecy is fulfilled and the strings are cut, which means when wilbur does eventually recover and wake up he’ll be able to think clearly

he still has those same impressions of like,, having been abandoned and being unloved etc, but his family isn’t willing to let anything like this happen again and so they work on Actual Communication while he’s asleep and when he wakes up they make sure to spend as much time with him as possible and help him w his mental health now that they know it’s a problem

i saw one (1) post about lullaby for a princess and now my brain is just 'haha twinsduo angst go brrr' on repeat ksbfhd Help :''

had to look that up bc i had no idea what it was and i am BEGGING you to tell me abt ur thoughts bc i am also going insane