#i miss you so much naya
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brittanas-blog · 1 year ago
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you were bigger than the whole sky, you were more than just a short time
three years and it still hurts as much as it did the day you left.
wherever you are i hope you can feel how much we love and miss you. your light still shines so bright.
rest in peace, naya 🤍🕊️
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rbfclassy · 7 months ago
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STILL IN LOVE! #1 — TOJI FUSHIGURO
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SYNOPSIS...after still messing around with your ex husband, you began to wonder if you’re still in love with him after finding out about his new girlfriend…
INFO...ex husband!toji x fem!reader, reader & toji have two kids, megumi is readers bio son, jealousy, smut, angst, arguments, alcohol, drinking problem, family problems, arguing in front of kids, toxic behaviors, crying, mentions of divorce
OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated
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ex husband! who stops by your house to drop your kids off after their weekend with him. He’s walking your daughter, Naya, and Megumi to the front door, smiles adorning their chubby little faces. “Hi, mommy!” Naya giggles, running to hug you. Toji is walking slowly behind Megumi, ruffling the little boys hair.
“Hi, baby.” You smile, kissing her cheek. “You two have fun with daddy?” You hug Megumi as well, kissing the top of his head.
“Yeah, we met dad’s new girlfriend,” the little boy casually says as he walks past you and into the house to place his stuff down. Your raise your eyebrows in surprise, eyes following your sons figure before he disappears into the house.
“She’s in the car! Her name is Yoko!” Your daughter giggled before following her brother. You awkwardly clear your throat as it was only you and toji standing outside.
“Girlfriend, huh?” You force a smile, rubbing your palms on your jeans as you stare at him.
“Yeah, those two beat me to it before I could say anything,” he chuckled. “How was your weekend, though, mama?” He tilts his head slightly. The familiar nickname now a normal thing between you two ever since you gave birth to your two kids. From the looks of it, it seems like Toji won’t break out of the habit of saying it.
"Wow, well...congrats." You smile. There was a burning sensation in your chest, a ringing in your ears as you stared at the man in front of you. It was wrong of you to feel this way about the situation, to feel jealous. Toji was your ex husband, you two cut ties over a year ago.
"Yeah, thanks." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. The thing about you and Toji is that there was still something there that neither of you wanted to confront. The sex that you both still had with each other wasn't just casual sex, him whispering in your ear how much he missed you. How he'd hold you after and gently kiss your lips reminded you of the times you were still together. The nights he slept over and stayed for breakfast, bonding like one big family. How he still brought you gifts for your birthday and valentines day despite not being together. You weren't sure what to make of it, but knowing Toji, you knew not to take him seriously.
He was a player before you met him and you wouldn't be surprised if he ended becoming a player again. And that was the case exactly. As much as you told yourself not to fall for all his little tricks, you still found yourself doing it anyway. He was your husband for over five years, he was the father of your children. How could you not? It's why you feel so jealous now. It only seems that he was using you and playing you before he found himself another girl to entertain him. Of course, what more could you expect?
"Okay, I'll see you next weekend, mama." He turned around so effortlessly, walking off of your doorstep with a small wave.
"See you," you nonchalantly replied. Your eyes followed his figure as he got into his car, watching him kiss the new girl he had eyes for. Would it be wrong for you to say you were still in love with your ex husband?
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tag list (comment to be added):
@sweetpo1son @lovebittenbyevans @ryumurin @he4ts444mi @cherrypieyourface @lemonintrovert01 @ladysi0 @avanly @chilichopsticks @tananaxx @akusrider @irlbungee @my-anime-garden
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phoeberidgers · 3 months ago
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SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP T-T
this girl GETS me ok. on a level no one else does. loml right here. not only did she write this beauty for my early bday present but she made me an accompanying PLAYLIST 😭😭😭 the direct way to my fucking heart. (along with somno.. and ofc pussy eating king frankie morales >>>>>) THANK YOU BABY I WILL CHERISH THIS AND YOU FOREVER AND EVER 🤍🤍🤍
In The Darkness There’s So Much I Wanna Do
Kinktober Prompt 2: Somnophilia
Pairing: Frankie Morales x F!reader
minors DNI with my work please!!
A/N: Howdy howdy my babies! This is dedicated to my beautiful beautiful stunning @phoeberidgers whose birthday it is (and if you can find the fun birthday reference in here I'll give you a sticker) seeing as she is Frankie lover number one, this is literally just for her. Thank you to the absolute loml @carlynkurin for beta’ing this (and all my other fics) for me. I hope the rest of you hornballs enjoy this. peace and love on the planet earth from me xoxo
Tags: somno, praise, oral (f! receiving), pussy eating king frankie morales everyone, established relationships, pre discussed kinks, loverboy frankie
word count: 2.1k
Summary: The days are long, and the nights are longer for Frankie. His hours at work have been killing him, and keeping him from you more than he wants to admit, but seeing you so peaceful at night is keeping him going
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Frankie was an attentive lover, if there was ever an example of one. Bringing you flowers and chocolate when he knew your week was long, ordering you take out when he wasn't over to cook with you, sending you videos of celebrities you pine over. The perfect man wrapped up with a bow for you. Unfortunately, your perfect man came with long hours, bags under his beautiful baby brown eyes, and a thousand apologies that you’d constantly tell him not to make. 
You knew his work was important, your hard working boy, but it didn't mean it didn't make you a little upset. It wasn't uncommon for you to go to sleep before he even makes it home, curling into his pillow relishing in the smell of him, firewood and the slightly drizzly trail where you both go on frequent Sunday picnics. He hated leaving you at home alone, it made him feel like he was suffocating without you. He swears that if he could quit his job right now and spend every second of the day touching you, he would do it in a heartbeat. He doesn’t even need more than a touch, the simple feeling of his hand on yours, or your sides pressed together while you huddle for warmth is enough to keep him going forever. 
Frankie groans when he enters the house, his bones creaking as he stretches his limbs out on the couch and takes off his boots. He silently chides himself when he sees the lack of light in your bedroom and cringes when he sees the time 10:13. He swore that he would try to be earlier today, that he missed having dinner with you, missed being able to see you for more than an hour while you both get ready for the day in the morning. You had reassured that you understood and that it didn't bother you, but he knew it wasn't your favorite thing in the world. He wasn't blind, he could see the look on your face when he’d remind you he was working late again, saw your side table peeking open, your vibrator freshly washed because he hadn’t been able to touch you in days. 
It was killing him with how pent-up he was. He would catch himself getting hard at work at the most innocuous things. You had sent him a photo of you holding up a piece he needed to see and the sight of your hands had all the blood rushing to his cock, memories of your fingers spreading yourself open for him flooding his mind. "You had sent him a voice note in which your dog jumped on you, a fit of giggles bubbling out of you, and all he was thinking about was every single time he had drawn a gasp, moan, and shaky little sigh from between your lips. All in all, Frankie was needy. Needier than he had been in a long time. He doesn't even remember being this pent up while he was deployed, it had been easy then, to simply jerk himself off in a few minutes to some old magazines he had managed to keep. But now.. Now there was you. And no magazine was going to compare to you. Your hips, your eyes, your tummy, everything about you made him feel like he was going to explode. 
He slips into the bedroom and his gaze falls to the light of the moon filtering over your sleeping body. Fuck if you weren't perfect. He slips over to where you lay in bed and feels his heart (and dick) swell a little bit. He stares at you for a moment, watching the gentle rise and fall of your chest with every breath you take, just reveling in how effortless it was for you to look this good. He knows he should shower, knows that he should change and eat the leftovers you left in the microwave for him like you always do, but he can’t help himself. He slips off his jeans not even bothering with his shirt, and slips onto the bed, his  forearms holding him up. He takes a moment to admire you, committing every curve and dip of your face to memory before he peppers faint kisses over you. He stills every so often, making sure you weren’t being disturbed, but he isn't a patient man often. 
You smell so fucking good, he wants to bottle it up and keep it with him for a hard day, You’re the only thing that can get him off anymore. He nips gently at your neck, grinning when he sees a soft red mark blooming on your skin. He slips the blanket off of your form, not that it was covering you completely anyway, and feels his eyes roll back into his head at the sight of you wearing one of his shirts. The fabric of the shirt had bunched up over your hip, the curve of your ass practically begging him to do something, to do anything. He traces an experimental line over the soft skin of your leg, watching as the goosebumps trail after his finger. His eyes moved up to make sure he wasn't disturbing you, and when he saw your face still at peace he continued. 
He moves back to your ankle, his head dipping down to press a kiss to it. If he could, he would kiss every single inch of you. Every part that he loves more than life itself. His hand wraps around your calf as his lips trace up the skin, the hair of his beard scratching you softly. As he makes his way to your thighs, he can't help but leave a few bites on them as he spreads your legs slowly. He doesn't move for a moment, his eyes locked on the plush of your pussy through your panties. he just stays there for a while, the soft fabric pulled against you looked sinful to him in the moment. 
The way the moon glows on your skin is like a guiding light for him, basking you in a silvery glow. Frankie swears his heart stops when you shift, your body spreading for him. Even subconsciously, you know that it was his touch, that you wanted him. He brings his nose to the waistband of your panties, nudging the elastic slightly before ducking his head down to smell you. The fact that you made him feel like a teenage boy again would be almost embarrassing if he wasn’t truly obsessed with you. With the way that just the smell of you made him dizzy, made his hips grind into the mattress subconsciously. His eyes press close when he presses an open mouthed kiss to your clothed cunt, the taste of your arousal making him groan into your skin. 
You had cum tonight, he knew the taste of you like the back of his hand, and he twinged in annoyance with himself that he wasn't home to watch you fall apart. The open side table, your toy sitting neatly inside of it, the taste of you, it all goads him on to go further;to prove that he was better than them. He narrows his eyes and focuses back on you. He would never blame you for taking care of yourself, he simply wishes that it could have been him. His plush lips press against you again, his tongue darting out to lick a stripe over the growing damp spot on your panties and grins to himself when he feels your legs twitch slightly at the contact. Frankie wants to stay here until he dies. bathed in moonlight, his head between your soft thighs, and your pussy practically dripping from his barely there touches. 
He can’t help himself, he knows that he should probably wake you up and tell you that he’s home, apologize for how long he was gone, but he was trapped where he was. He pulls the thin fabric of your panties to the side, a soft whimper leaving his lips when he sees how wet you were for him. “Pretty fucking thing….” He presses his mouth onto you soft and gentle, knowing you were probably still sensitive, and traces his tongue over the sides slowly.  Your taste was intoxicating, addicting. You were the pomegranate seeds, sweet and ripe on his tongue, that had him returning over and over again. 
He can feel your body stirring against him, your breathing becoming a little more shallow as he continues his ministrations against you. His head ducks down again and he holds your thighs in his big hands as his tongue flicks against you, lewd noises coming from his mouth as he moans into you. The curve of his nose pressing against your clit as he practically worships you, his jaw working like a man starved. Despite your slumbering state you could feel the haze of pleasure bubbling in your stomach, your body rocking slightly as he drew your orgasm closer and closer. He could tell you were close, he could always tell with you, he craved it. His hands move away from your thighs and spread your pussy open, his tongue lapping at you like he was begging you to fall apart. 
You wake up feeling incredibly good, your body was tingly and your ears were ringing, eyes barely fluttering open. You could hear him still working at your drooling pussy, your hand moving sluggishly to push his head away “Frankie?” you croak out, voice hoarse with sleep. 
“jus’ looking at you baby” he hums, blowing a soft breath of cold air against you, making your hips jolt up “so fuckin’ pretty” he murmurs pressing another kiss to your aching cunt “couldnt help myself.” 
In hindsight you should have known better than to try and move his head, it was a futile attempt that had no real chances of working. One of his hands moves to grab yours, bringing it down to his lips and giving your fingers a quick peck, before lacing them with his and holding it against the side of your hip. The sight of his eyes looking up at you through his lashes while he draws circles around your swollen clit with practiced precision should be preserved in a gallery. The way his pupils dilate with every taste, how he barely takes time to breathe, his hair sticking to the sweat on his forehead, he was a damn work of art. Your legs shake as his lips wrap around your clit, sending you tumbling over the edge of your orgasm, feeling his broad shoulders keep your legs from clamping around him. Frankie’s lips don't stop until he’s taken every single bit of your pleasure from you, every single moan, whine, and quiver of your body spurring him on. 
“Mine.” He practically purrs against your skin, collecting the last of your arousal on his tongue before pressing a kiss to the inside of your thigh “All mine.”
You aren’t sure if your brain has caught up with the pleasure you were just subjected to, not that there was a single complaint from you. “Hi,” your voice is still slightly raspy, both with sleep and pleasure, when you manage to form a coherent sentence “when’d you get home?” You mumble, hand raking through his soft curls.
“Mmm, ‘bout 45 minutes ago” he hums, glancing at the clock on the side table which now reads 11:09 while his cheek rests on your stomach, planting the occasional kiss on the soft skin. “missed you today baby.” You feel your heart melting at his words. No matter how often he says it, which is very often, you always feel special just knowing that you were on his mind 
“I missed you more” you grin at him, knowing how much he hates when you try to one-up him. You hear a grumble come out of his mouth and feel him nip at your hip bone, making you squeak slightly 
“Never, baby.” he whispers, tongue soothing over the bite he just left on you. “Not a damn chance in the world of that.”
 You were honestly too tired to argue with him at this point, simply letting out a non committal hum and closing your eyes. They peek open after a moment when he lets out a quiet moan against your skin “baby..?” you ask softly, eyelids heavy.  
He grunts, his hips rutting against the soft sheets, his cock aching after getting to taste you “go back to sleep baby..” he groans “gonna stay right here,” he kisses the crease of your thigh “just wanna taste you again.” You barely have time to register his words before his lips find your cunt again, his moans vibrating against your sensitive skin as you let your eyes close again. It was about to be a long night.
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episodes-ff · 4 days ago
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Aftershock
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Terry
Sitting up against the wall as I stared across at the door to our room, I waited in peril prepared to explain myself and apologize to Anaya. What I did was beyond the pail of disrespect and I want the chance to express how extremely disappointed I am in myself. Rubbing my eyes as I fought sleep for the umpteenth time to endure her wrath, I looked outside and watched the sun rising with the morning breeze. Hearing the door to the bedroom creaking open, I connected with her beautiful, red puffy eyes and watched as she and Maya exited the door. "Ny, ple-" Shoving her hand up, she angrily stormed past me into the kitchen to prepare some food for Maya as I blew a frustrated breath and shook my head. Taking a whiff of myself, I shuddered at the must entering my nose before going into the room to shower.
Finishing the much needed shower, I changed into a quick t-shirt and sweats before hurrying down to the kitchen. Halting in my steps as I spotted my mom and dad sipping their morning coffee as Anaya fed baby girl, I swallowed the major lump in my throat. "Good morning, everybody. Um, Anaya, can I speak with you for a moment?" "No need, your family is waiting on you in the living room." She spat viciously as she let out a vile chuckle and handed Maya to my dad; storming past me, she made sure to bump me hard on the way up. Knitting my brows in confusion, I glanced over to the living room to see Bree and I's son, Trey perched quietly on the couch on his tablet. "Anaya, wait!"
Running up the stairs behind her, I made it to the bedroom to see her sitting on the bed in tears. Dropping to my knees in front of her, I gently removed her hands from her face as she whined feebly trying to shove me away. "Get the fuck off of me, Terrence! You make me sick! Move!" "Please just let me explain, Naya." "Why?! Why would I want to sit here and listen to you talk about fucking this bitch and getting her pregnant? Cheating on me and disgracing our marriage? Hiding it from me for two years? Why are you trying to put me through this trauma?!" She ranted sobbing.
Lowering my head in her lap, I shook my head wrapping my arms around her waist. "There's no amount of words I can say to express how fucking sorry I am, baby." "You're not sorry, Terry. And you don't love me. This?! This isn't love, not in the slightest." "It's the worst mistake I've ever made, and I'm so ashamed that I ever hurt you like this. I know you don't want my word, but you have my actions that I will make this right." I pleaded crying as she hiccuped holding her face. "Your actions have done enough, I just need to be away from you right now, Terry. This all just hurts too much." Nodding as my heart shattered, I kissed her forehead gently before making my way back down to tend to the kids.
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Anaya
After recovering my nerves and feelings, I took a relaxing enough shower and got dressed. Pulling my phone and wallet along with my purse, I slowly made my way back to the kitchen. "Oh, you look pretty dear. Where are you headed?" Miss Teresa asked as Terry looked up from holding Maya to stare at me. "Thank you, Mama. I just need to clear my head for a little while. I'll be back." "Understandable, sweetheart. Take your time." Nodding, I hugged her close before grabbing the rental keys and leaving the house. Sitting in the car for a little while as it warmed from the winter chill, I sighed before turning off my location and driving off.
Finally making it to the cemetery, I grabbed the fresh poinsettias as I trekked through to my desired spot. Making contact with her headstone, I set the plant down and thought of what to say. "Merry Christmas, Mommy. I know you would be so proud of your grandbaby right now. She's so smart and bright, reminds me a lot of you. She definitely has your personality." I smiled reminiscing on Maya's sassy side before I felt my emotions kicking in. "Mommy, please! Help me through this pain! I don't know how much more I can take. It just hurts so much." I cried thinking on all this drama. "Anaya?" Looking up, I wiped my tears as my gaze met with his. "Hi, Eric." I said addressing Terry's best friend as he smiled. "Well I'll be damned. When did y'all get into town?" "Um, we got in yesterday." "That's wassup, that's wassup! Where's my godbaby with her adorable little smile? I be seeing her here and there on FaceTime." "With her bitch ass father." I accidentally spat with venom as he looked up confused.
"You good?" He asked concerned as I nodded. "Uh, yea, my bad. It's just a lot happening right now." "Hey, it's no biggie. Everything ok with you and Tee?" "No comment right now." "My fault my fault, well I know y'all will get through whatever is going on. That man loves you to death as do you." He added making me scoff quietly. "Yea, well I'll see you around, E. I'll have him FaceTime you with Maya later so you can see her now." "That's a bet, thank you. You be safe, now." "You as well." Parting ways, I shook my head before finishing my conversation with my mom and heading to the car. Feeling a bit of hunger kick in, I groaned stopping at the store to get a light snack. I haven't even been able to hold down any food because of all this stress, and my appetite has been gone since I saw that bitch standing in the foyer with that little boy.
Shaking my head as I held back my evil thoughts, I strolled the aisles in a hurry for a snack when I ran into a hard figure. "Ohhh shit, my bad. I didn't even- Wait a minute?" The handsome voice soothed before helping me up. Dusting myself off, I looked up and smiled seeing him standing in the flesh. "Rome?" "Yeaaaaa, Anaya right?" "Yea." I blushed as he kissed my hand. "You know, I was waiting on that call but it never came. What have you been up to?" "Uhhh, well, I became a mommy and wife, and we moved to Miami." "Ahhh damn. I knew you weren't gonna stay free for long. Who's the lucky guy?" "I'm not sure if you remember Terrence." "Wait, that belligerent knucklehead from the club?" He asked as I sheepishly nodded. "Yea, going on five years married, seven in a relationship." I admitted flashing my ring. "I guess you like what you like." He casted shaking his head as I nodded. "Well, I guess that's my cue. It was nice seeing you again, beautiful." "It doesn't have to be a goodbye." I perked up reaching forward. "May I?" I asked at his shocked but smug gaze. "Go ahead." Smirking, I smoothly pulled his phone from his pocket and typed my phone number before sliding it back in his hand. "Call me sometime." "Most definitely."
****
Walking into the dark house, I set my purse on the kitchen table before reaching into the refrigerator to grab a water. "I know you're there, what the fuck do you need?" I sighed turning to face what I knew was him on the adjacent love seat. Finally flickering the lamp, he leaned forward into his lap as I watched him wiping more tears from his tired face. "Can we please just talk, Anaya? Why did you turn off your location?" "Don't worry about that. Where is Maya?" "Anaya." "Where the fuck is my child, Terrence?" Scoffing, he shook his head. "She's at the Christmas parade with my parents." "And your son?" "She came and got him before my parents left. Anaya please? Can we talk?" "I have nothing to say to you unless it pertains to my fucking child." I chuckled bitterly. "She's not just yours, Anaya." "Oh trust me, I know. Thank you for your services, soldier." I spat giving him a round of applause.
"Stop doing that." He gritted standing up. "Doing what? Acknowledging you in your truth?! We get it, Terry. It was a funky ass 'mistake' and you're oh so damn sorry. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that information, huh?! You still cheated, with Bree of all fucking people. And a fucking child is here as a result, has been for three years now." "Anaya!" "NO! You're done talking and frankly, so the fuck am I! I'm filing for separation in the morning." "WHAT?! Baby, no!" He shook walking over but I stopped him in his tracks. "Don't even. You've made it plain that I'm not your baby. We not about to sit up and continue to treat you like you're such a loving, doting husband when you obviously don't want to be one. I'm not discussing this shit anymore with you, Terry. You've crossed one too many lines, and I'll be damned if you cross me again. I'm filing in the morning and that's it, end of discussion." I clarified as he fell to his knees.
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mother-above · 5 months ago
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Until The Very End
part 2 of All the Time in the World
Azriel x Reader
Summary: Azriel and his family's world are turned upside down when a certain someone comes back to their lives.
Warnings: angst, violence, and death (I promise there's fluff)
*I HIGHLY recommend you read part 1 first!
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picture credit: Naya Kotko (middle picture)
It was the most peculiar sensation. 
One minute you’re in the darkness and then, an almighty force rips you out, hurtling you toward the light. You’re left breathless and semi-unconscious until you are suspended in water, lungs filling with liquid until hands pull you out of the water. 
You coughed and expelled everything your body could while large warm hands swept the hair from your face. You blinked and there was Azriel, his golden-tan skin stained with blood, his black hair matted and sweaty. His jaw went slack and the faeries that surrounded you gasped. You wildly looked around to see yourself in the middle of a battlefield, your family frozen and staring at you with silver-lined eyes.
You were back. You were home.
“Azriel?” your voice hoarse. “Is it you?”
The shadowsinger’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Slowly, as if you would turn into dust and drift away, he cradled your face, eyes sweeping over your features. Every cell in his body sang as he realized it was you. The small scar on your chin, the freckle on the earlobe, how one eyebrow was more furrowed than the other. There were new marks but in that moment, Azriel brushed it off to worry about at another time. 
A sob broke through his lips, “How? How are you here?” Azriel didn’t wait for an answer, he wrapped his strong arms around your body and held you as close to him as possible.
The second you felt the weight of his arms, you started crying as well. His presence comforts you through your confusion. “I don’t know, I was there in that dark place by the river… and then something took me away. I was floating for a while and now I’m here.” 
Azriel looked at his family with concern written all over his features. You weren’t making any sense, but he brushed it off, you were just pulled out of the godsdamned Cauldron.
You held him close and inhaled his scent, it was your favorite and you never thought you’d smell cedarwood and chilled night mist again. You clung to him until you felt a gentle touch on your back, turning your head, you saw Rhysand next to you, he had to touch you too, make sure you were real. The rest of your family crowded around, their eyes filled with silver as they looked at you in wonder.
Azriel sat back on his heels as he watched his family hold you tight and tell you how much they’ve missed you. The High Lords who cared knelt beside you; their smiles warm as they asked you questions. Thesan hovered his glowing hands over your body, after close inspection he determined that you were physically healthy. He took note of the haggardness, the dark circles under your eyes, and told Rhysand that it was best to bring you back to Night Court to rest.
As reality slowly set in, Azriel felt that bond reappear, the golden strand thrumming to life and he could have wept all over again. Centuries of loneliness and sorrow washed away and soothed by your presence. The other side was still empty but that was okay, you were back and that’s all that mattered to him. After Feyre and her sisters were introduced, Rhysand winnowed you and Azriel to the townhouse. 
You were in tears again, the sight and smell of your home hit you like a ton of bricks. There were a few new scents in the mix but everything was relatively the same, the smell of baking bread, the wood burning in the fireplace, and glasses of whiskey, and wine that were left to be finished later.
Rhysand hated leaving you and Azriel alone but needed to deal with the aftermath of the war. While you wandered around the house, Rhys whispered instructions to Azriel.
“We don’t know what she’s been through so tread carefully, answer any questions she has, and hopefully she’s willing to open up about what happened,” said Rhysand as he looked at your figure, still shocked that you were once again standing in the living room. “I’ll send Madja over to heal you and check up on her. She seems fine now, but she might go into shock, let me kn-"
“Rhys, I got this. I’ll take good care of her. Go before the other Lords start another war,” said Azriel. 
Rhysand smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I know she’s your mate and you know exactly what to do. I just can’t believe she’s here.”
Azriel softly smiled as he watched you look out the window into Velaris. “Me too, Rhys.”
The shadowsinger joined by the bay windows, you were still looking into the city in disbelief. He wanted to hold your hand, but he wasn’t sure what you remembered, so he played it safe and poked you in the waist, something he'd done for hundreds of years. 
“Do you remember what happened to you? The day you died?” His voice still shook whenever he thought of that day, the way the earth swallowed you.
Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked up at Azriel, the anxiety and disorientation calming as you met his hazel gaze. Feeling exhausted, you leaned against the wall, a dull headache forming as you tried to remember the day.
“It was on a mission, the one with the Middengard worm. I buried it alive… I buried myself alive-” You paused as your blood ran cold. You remembered the feeling of the soil, the pressure around you, and how cold and hot it was at the same time. You were suffocating and numb all over. 
Azriel’s shadows noticed the shift of your mood, they could detect how alarmed you suddenly were. Half of his shadows moved towards you, the wisps caressing your face and shoulders. 
“Azriel,” you breathed, voice thick with emotion. “I died… but I wasn’t truly gone. Like a part of me was wandering in the darkness.” 
His shadows began to whisper, they didn’t like what you were implying, you had spent some time somewhere terrible. “What happened?”
You squeezed your eyes shut, fingers pressing against your temples. Everything seemed muddled, your old life and the time you spent in the darkness were blurring together. You shook your head. “I don��t know… it’s all mixed up.”
Azriel smoothed his hands over your shoulders. “It’s okay, let's get you cleaned up, and then you can go to sleep. We can figure it out when you wake up and everyone is back. Okay?”
“Okay.”
You walked through the house, up the stairs, and opened the door to your bedroom, stopping short when Azriel’s scent filled your senses. Looking around, you saw the décor had changed, the sheets blue and gray, not the floral pattern you favored. 
“We didn’t touch any of your things until about a year ago. Feyre and her sisters moved in, so we had to make room. All your things are up in the attic. I- uh… took your bedroom, it felt weird for any of them to sleep where you slept,” he said softly. He had just fought in a battle and his mate had risen from the dead all in 12 hours, he wasn’t sure how to feel.
“Oh, I can sleep somewhere else then, maybe Mor will let me sleep in her room.”
Azriel chuckled. You were thinking of his comfort before your own, maybe you haven’t changed. 
“Don’t be ridiculous, this will always be your room,” he paused, looking out the door. “Madja’s here, will you be okay by yourself? Do you need any help?
You shook your head. “I’ll be okay, Az. Go see Madja, you’re the one who looks like shit.”
He chuckled, the cheeky part of you hadn’t changed either.
While you peeled off the Illyrian leathers, flashes of black chiffon and silk flashed through your mind. You grabbed the tub's ledge, the sudden intrusion of memories leaving you unsteady. You blinked and you were back in the bathroom, the steam from the tub making the air thick and hazy. Looking at the mirror, you gasped in shock. You had just told Azriel he looked like shit but you may have looked worse than he did. The once flawless skin was covered in battle scars and burn marks, your forehead wrinkling trying and failing to remember how you got the marks.
Shaking your head, you lowered yourself into the water and looked around, it hadn’t changed much, your perfumes were still displayed on a shelf along with cologne that belonged to Azriel. Laying back, the steam smelling like cherry blossoms, you tried to remember what happened the day you died. Something happened that was important, but you couldn’t quite place it, you remember it meaning a lot to you, something you’ve been scared to do. 
After drying off, you realize you don’t have any clothes. Going to Azriel’s closet, you took out a black T-shirt and grey sweatpants, you had just rolled up the legs when fatigue took over. Shuffling to his bed, you pulled back the covers and let his comforting scent lull you to sleep. 
*** 
You had been asleep for a whole day. Azriel panicked because you didn’t stir, just deep and slow breathing. He almost woke you up at the 10-hour mark, but Madja forbade him to do so. You were fine, just extremely tired. He refused to leave your side, his family occasionally coming in to check on both of you. 
Elain even came in with a vase full of pink, red, and white peonies from her garden. Azriel told her all about you in their garden walks, she saw how loved you were by everyone so she decided to plant your favorite flowers in your honor. She sat with Feyre and Azriel for a while, their conversation glamoured so their voices wouldn’t wake you. The sisters could see the relief on Azriel’s face, he looked younger, the fine lines on his forehead smoothed out. Elain developed a liking for Azriel, but she let it wither and die as she watched him look at you. He looked at you the way Lucien would sometimes look at her, shame slowly filled her as she quietly observed you.
Azriel had years to sit and ponder about your mate bond. He spent thousands of hours agonizing over every single interaction you’ve had, his imagination running wild as he made up scenarios of him confessing his love. He had imagined the two of you living in a cottage on the outskirts of Velaris, he imagined cooking dinner and folding laundry with you. His hazel eyes caressed your peaceful form, he still couldn’t believe you were back. Azriel decided that he would tell you about the bond once you were fully adjusted to your life. The both of you were robbed of a life filled with love. Azriel didn’t want to waste time, he refused to.
The soft sunlight streaming from the window slowly woke you. You looked around to see Azriel dozed off in a chair by the bed. Sitting up, you examined him and how his shadows drifted to you, their cool touch making you smile as they caressed your cheek. He was so handsome, you couldn’t help but take in his beautiful features. The love you had for Azriel was the only tether you had to your humanity. The dark place consumed people, you saw it firsthand and you refused to be a mindless servant like those before you. You couldn’t believe you were back in Velaris, the warmth and light were something you missed. It was much better than feeling scorching heat and cold simultaneously. 
You watched the winged male before you with a melancholy smile. In your deep slumber, memories filtered in filling the empty gaps. The day you died, you kissed Azriel and he reciprocated, you could still feel the tingle of your lips. Even when you were in the dark place, you’d feel it time and time again, sometimes even a spark was felt in your chest when you thought about him. In the dark place, you fantasized that Azriel was your mate, you wished it was true but you stopped yourself from wanting things that could never happen. 
You wished you could climb onto his lap, let him hold you close with an arm thrown around his shoulders and your head fitting onto the crook of his neck… but you don’t. 
You didn’t want to wake him just yet, his perception of you was the old one, the powerful yet kind and gentle fae. You were scared he wouldn’t like you now, horrified that he wouldn't see you the same way when he found out where you’ve been and what you’ve done. You were also terrified of how your family would react to you. The time you had spent in the darkness changed you, how monstrous and lightless you’d become.
The sudden growl of your stomach betrayed you and made Azriel jolt awake, his eyes snapping toward your figure only to see you giving him a sheepish smile.  
“You’re awake! You must be starving,” he said as he looked at the clock. “It’s just past breakfast, I’ll have Naula and Cerridwen make more food.”
A couple of wisps of his shadows went through the wall, making a beeline to the wraiths so they could send the message. Slowly, you got out of bed as your joints creaked and muscles sorely stretched. Azriel hovered nearby sensing your discomfort, grimacing as you hissed in pain and stood up to your full height. 
“Are you okay? I can bring food in bed, you don’t have to get up.”
“I’m okay, I think I’ve been asleep for too long, my body needs to move,” you said while stretching. “Besides, I’ve missed you all so much, there's so much to tell you guys.”
Azriel stayed close the entire walk to the dining room, his hand on the small of your back only letting go to pull out a chair for you to sit on. The House had just provided a plate and utensils for you when Rhysand, Cassian, Mor, and Amren came in. They settled on the chairs, their smiles reaching their eyes as they took your figure in. They never thought they’d see you sitting in your designated spot again. The Archeron sisters sat in the nearby living room, they wanted to listen to what you had to say while giving you time with your family. Nuala came in with stacks of waffles, over-easy eggs, and sausages while Cerridwen carried pitchers of coffee and water. 
Answering their questions could wait, you were ravenous, and you couldn’t remember the last time you ate something. The taste of your favorite breakfast made you tear up. It took a while for you to notice that your family was staring, tender smiles on their lips as they watched you do the mundane. You swallowed the last bit of food and gave them an apologetic smile.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t eaten in so long.”
Rhysand shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for, take all the time you need. I think we’re just in shock. We’ve spent centuries and decades staring at your spot on this table, we can’t believe you’re here.”
You smiled at the High Lord, he was always so kind.
Holding the warm mug between your hands, you looked at Azriel whose gaze was so loving, that you weren’t scared to talk about what you’ve been through.
“Everything was fuzzy when I was taken out of the cauldron, I didn’t remember what my life was like in Hel until now… the day I buried myself and the Middengard worm, I died. I remember feeling everything at once, it was scorching, freezing, painful, and numb all at the same time. Everything was deafeningly quiet, so dark and still, and then I woke up in the middle of a field. Hel was bleak,” you said as you looked out the window to see the vibrant colors of Velaris. “Everything was tinted gray, the only bright color was fire.”
Your family watched you go rigid, your eyes glazing as you looked into the darkness in your coffee cup. Azriel put a hand on your shoulder but you didn’t acknowledge it, you were lost in your memories.
“I walked aimlessly for hours, I knew I was no longer in Prythian but I was confused and heartbroken. I thought that if I kept moving, I’d find something familiar. Hel was incredibly dangerous. There were these dark monsters that roamed around. The creatures of Illyria are nothing compared to what I’ve seen and dealt with. I spent days spending every second trying to survive, for some reason, the only thing I could conjure was fire so that’s what I used. By now, I’d consider myself a master, better than the Vanserras.”
“Were you alone?” asked Amren. “Were there any faeries or humans you ran into?”
“I thought I was but one day, this figure in a dark cloak appeared before me. He was taller than any fae I’ve seen, his hood was up and I never saw his face. I’m not even sure he had one. He introduced himself as the God of Death, he said he’d been watching me and saw potential. He said he wanted me to be a soldier, he wanted me to protect something-” Your face scrunched as you tried to remember the place. “Styx. The God of Death wanted me to protect souls that were ferried to and from a river called Styx. The river itself was magical, if you were dipped into the water, you became invulnerable and the God of Death tasked me to stop all creatures from doing so. The god perceived these individuals who sought out the power of the river as a threat. There was so much violence. Monsters were attempting to eat the souls of the dead, I’ve lost count of how many I’ve incinerated or sliced through.”
You blinked as you remembered the sword that was gifted to you. Waving a hand over the table, you conjured the silver sword, the metallic clang making your family jump in surprise. Cassian moved to touch it but your hands stopped him. 
“I wouldn’t touch that if I were you. It’s enchanted. If you knick yourself, you’d feel the pain of every single creature I’ve slayed. I learned that the hard way,” you chuckled darkly. Your thumb grazed over a small knick on your palm.
Cassian drew his hand back quickly, his eyes wide as he took you in a new light. Your entire family realized it then too, how different you were. You were still beautiful and as lovely as they remembered but your eyes were haunted, your aura heavy and dark. They noticed the battle scars that littered your body. They felt tears prickle in their eyes, it was hard to imagine someone so full of life surrounded by death and violence.
“Is that what you did for all those years? All by yourself?” asked Azriel, his voice laced with despair. “How did you do it?”
Azriel’s hand cupped your cheek, you leaned onto the familiar roughness of his palm, closed your eyes, and savored his touch. Morrigan smiled and looked away, delighted that two souls who were meant to be had found each other once again. 
“I would find a way to survive and take it day by day, my memories of this family helped me get through the worst of it. Over time, it got easier, and I accepted my new role in the underworld, I protected the dead and River Styx. I am.… I was bloodthirsty. I killed anything that got in my way.”
Once again, your eyes glazed over as you pondered the life you had lived a few days ago. Amren exchanged weary glances between Azriel and Rhysand. She was thousands of years old, she had heard of the place you’ve been in and Amren couldn’t believe how sane you seemed. Her silver eyes scanned the wounds and patches of scorched skin and she knew they’d all have to wait and see, you’ve only been back for a few days.
***
A week has passed since the war and your resurrection. Everyone was busy dealing with the aftermath, the Inner Circle had to take on extra work since Azriel refused to leave your side. No one would ask him to do so, it would have been impossible. Azriel was like his shadows, he moved when you moved and you loved him for it, without him, you’d have gone crazy. He was over the moon when you shyly asked him if you could sleep next to him. So much had happened and you needed a sense of normalcy like sleeping in your old room.
At first, there was a respectable amount of distance between you but once your nightmares started, you were reaching for him. He was happy to comply and loved that you felt safe with him. Since the first night you shared a bed, you couldn’t relax until Azriel’s arms were wrapped around you but even then, you’d barely sleep. The God of Death whispered to you in your dreams. He kept telling you that the universe took you away from him too early, that he still needed you to guard the river Styx. 
There were times when you’d be awake, you’d swear you could hear his whisper from across the room. You were too scared to tell anyone about it, you desperately wanted to stay in Velaris and return to your old life that you chose to ignore the whispers. If you don’t acknowledge it, it means it doesn’t exist, right?
Once the shock of being back in Velaris had worn off, you fell into a deep state of melancholia. If you weren’t curled up in a dark corner of the house, you were always on edge, constantly having your back to the wall so you could see everything in the room. That mighty sword from Hel was kept in a pocket realm, close enough to grab and use if you need it. 
You felt strange, it was good to be back but you weirdly felt out of place. At first, it was a joy to see all the colors of the rainbow but now that you’ve settled, everything was too bright and crisp. You found yourself longing for the dullness of the underworld.
Feyre told you about the memorial Rhysand built and suggested that visiting it could be healing. Amren also recommended that you try to use all your powers slowly and reconnect with nature instead of staying inside. To Azriel’s relief, you agreed and he eagerly volunteered to fly you to the memorial. The first thing you did was gasp at the grand memorial, a beautiful structure with colossal columns. Azriel sat on a bench in the front, he wanted to give you space and time to think. He couldn’t imagine what you were feeling, most creatures never see their gravestones let alone their memorial.
The memorial was filled with flowers in various stages, some have become beautiful dry bouquets and some were still vibrant and fragrant. A soft smile graced your lips, Azriel wasn’t joking when he said people still thought of you. Your cheeks redden at the thought of the last hundred or so years. They wouldn’t celebrate you if they knew what you’ve done with steel and flame.
The sound of the Sidra bouncing on the marble lulled you into a dazed state, the flow of the water reminding you of the river Styx. You made your way to the river and knelt on the bank, the fabric of your dress slowly getting soaked. A tentative hand skimmed the top of the water, a sigh of relief leaving your lips as you felt the familiar water. Your blood sang as your soul and body reconnected with the elements of Velaris, your other hand was splayed on the grass, fingers digging into the dirt. You closed your eyes and let the earthy smell fill your senses and for a few moments, you felt like the old you. 
Your serene mood had affected the river, what was once rushing had calmed into a slow, steady stream. Looking down, you peered at the water and remembered how you used the river Styx to look at your reflection; to remind yourself of who you were. Suddenly, the peace was ruined when you blinked and saw a familiar black chiffon over your head. You screamed as you thrashed and scrambled away from the water. Your hands fly to your head to rip off the black fabric only to feel your skin. 
Azriel was next to you in an instant. “What?!” His hands grasped your shoulders forcing you to keep still.
Your eyes were wide and haunted. “I thought I saw something in the water! Something from the underworld.”
Azriel scooped your trembling body and shadows surrounded you as he winnowed to the front door of the townhouse. His family watched wide-eyed as Azriel burst through the door with you curled up in Azriel’s arms. He had just finished helping you settle into bed with the help of Amren and Feyre when he wearily sank into an armchair.
“What happened?” asked Rhysand. He had tried to look into your minds to find the answer but you and Azriel had impenetrable walls up. If he was being honest, he was scared to peek into your head.
Nearly in tears, Azriel shook his head. “I don’t know, I was trying to give her space but I should’ve kept a closer eye on her. By the time I got to her, she was crying and screaming. I don’t know if she saw or remembered something but it was bad. She kept clawing at her face as if something was over her head. I thought she was getting better and then this happened… I don’t know how to help her.”
Rhysand chewed the inside of his lip, he wished he had all the right answers for his brother but Azriel’s situation was unheard of. “I think all we can do is give her time and let her know that she has our love and support every step of the way. We can help her research about Hel and resurrections, I’ll write a letter to Helion so we can visit his libraries.”
Azriel nodded, “Okay. I know you wanted me on some missions but Rhys- I can’t. I can’t stand the idea of leaving her side again.”
The High Lord observed the shadowsinger.  Azriel looked younger than he had in years yet he undoubtedly looked exhausted. 
“Have you told her about your bond?” asked Rhysand. “Maybe knowing she has a mate will make the transition easier, it’ll help her cope with the centuries she’s been gone.”
Azriel squirmed in his chair. “What if she rejects me? What if it makes her feel worse knowing she’s tied down to someone like me?”
Rhysand suppressed a sigh, he hated it whenever Azriel doubted himself or second-guessed the Mother’s blessing of a mate.
“You know that’s not true,” interjected Rhysand. “She loved you before you felt the bond snap.”
Azriel resettled onto his chair, a crystal glass filled with liquor cradled in his hands. He couldn’t help feeling insecure, it’s been so long since the bond snapped and even longer when the two of you flirted and danced around each other. Your death brought upon loneliness that consumed him that he had forgotten what your love felt like.
“Okay,” said Azriel feeling much better now that he had a plan. “I’ll let her know tomorrow.”
“Everything is going to be okay–”
Rhysand was cut short by shouting and clamoring in the upstairs bedrooms. His eyes briefly glazed meaning he was speaking to Feyre. He immediately shot up and made a beeline to your room while Azriel sprinted after Rhysand. They stormed into your room and found the remnants of scorched sheets and a frantic Amren and Feyre. 
“What happened?” asked Azriel, his eyes wildly surveying the room. “Where’s y/n?”
Through the smoke, Azriel saw Amren clutching her hand to her chest. Feyre hovered over the small fae, concern etched on her face.
“Amren was trying to talk to her, get more information about what happened in the underworld. Everything was fine until she got upset when we asked what else the death god asked her to do,” said Feyre, words trembling as adrenaline coursed through her. “Her entire body erupted in fire, Amren was holding her hand when it happened. The three of us got startled, and she switched back to normal and immediately started crying and apologizing. You should have seen her face… she felt so guilty.”
“I tried telling her it was fine but she vanished,” said Amren. “I don’t know where she winnowed to but we need to find her soon. She isn’t okay.”
Azriel’s shadows burst out in every direction, their sole mission was to find you. Rhysand and Feyre scanned the city of thoughts about you but there was nothing, half of Azriel’s shadows came back whimpering in concern. Cassian and Nesta were informed and they immediately strapped their weapons and joined the search. 
Azriel was an unstoppable force, he went to every single place he could think of. The markets, the library, your memorial, and when everyone else checked off other places in the city, he and his brothers winnowed to Illyria. Azriel tore through Windhaven and nearby camps but they found no sign of you. Feyre and Mor had sent out letters warning the other High Lords you were missing and in an unstable condition. 
*** 
The inner circle stumbled into the townhouse in exhaustion, hours had gone by with no sign of you and Azriel felt like he was going to lose his mind. A part of him was terrified that you had returned to the Hel, scared you were dragged back into the darkness. He couldn’t lose you again, he would rather die. There was nothing to do but wait, half of his shadows were still searching and the other High Lords had soldiers searching for you in their courts.
Feyre told Azriel to get some sleep but everyone knew he wouldn’t get rest until you were back in his arms.
Azriel was pacing on the balcony waiting for reports from his shadows and spies when Amren stood next to him, a bandage wrapped around her hand. 
“She didn’t hurt me too bad,” said Amren before the spymaster could ask. “Now that most of my powers have been stripped away from me, my body has to get used to High Fae healing.”
He looked at her bandaged hand and shook his head. He knew you ran because you had hurt one of your dearest friends. He just wished you’d come back. 
“I’m really worried about her. I don’t have much experience but the God of Death is not to be trifled with. He kept her in Hel for years which means he likes and trusts her. I’m afraid he’s trying to drag her back.”
Azriel’s heart pounded against his chest. “Can he do that? Take her back to Hel?”
“He isn’t the Cauldron,” continued Amren. “He’s not powerful enough to do it by force but… he can try to convince her to join him. Make her go willingly.”
“What does that mean? She has to die again?”
Silver rimmed Amren’s eyes. “I don’t know. We just need to find her fast before it’s too late.”
Suddenly, Morrigan came running in. “Rhy’s got reports of strange phenomena on an island near the continent,” panted Mor. “The King of Vallahan is saying large tidal waves emit from the island and that the once dormant volcano is active again.”
Azriel sucked in a breath, he knew this had to be you. 
“Let’s go. Rhysand’ll winnow us in.”
***
You didn’t mean to hurt Amren. That white-hot rage was uncontrollable once she kept asking questions about Hel and all that frustration and confusion burst out. The shock on Amren’s face made you sob, you’ve never seen her so frightened in your life. You singed her hand and you prayed to the Mother you didn’t leave any lasting marks. The burnt skin immediately reminded you of Azriel and that’s when you wanted to disappear. What if you hurt more of your family? Azriel?
You’re not sure where you winnowed to but the sun was beating down and the rock beneath you felt weirdly comforting even though it was hot to the touch. You laid on the scorching stone, you wanted to punish yourself and let your skin blister. You began to hallucinate, one moment you were on an island, and in a second, you were back in the underworld. Creatures would stand in the corner of your vision, you weren’t sure if they were real because every time you turned, they’d slither away. 
You began to panic as your world continued oscillating between the island you were in and Hel. Azriel was nowhere to be found and mentally screaming for Rhysand wasn’t working at all. You needed something to comfort you. With a wave of your hand, your sword gifted from the death god appeared before you. Taking a deep breath, you placed your hand on the familiar handle, and then the magic began. Black silk and chiffon slowly materialized over your body turning into a dress. Chiffon covered your head and you ran toward the water, desperate to look into the reflection. 
Then every memory flooded back in. 
Flashes of you standing in Hel with a bloodied silver sword. The black fabric clinging to you where blood had spilled and splattered. Every cry of horror before you delivered a death blow echoed in your ears. The smell of dirt and copper clung to the air, the steam of fresh blood wafting towards you. The memory of plunging your stained arms and blade into the cold river made goosebumps litter your skin.
So many creatures had crossed your sword. 
Faeries. Monsters. Humans. Half-gods. 
And you obliterated all of them. 2,865 creatures to be exact.
A gust of salty air stunned you back to reality, the wind making the chiffon flow.
How could you face your family after what you’ve done? Azriel, Cassian, and Rhysand would always tell you they felt guilty about how many they’ve killed but your numbers were unforgivable. You did the bidding for a death god. Some of the creatures you killed weren’t even that evil, they just wanted to gain the power of the river Styx. How could Azriel want you now? 
You began rapidly breathing, your gasps sounding shallow, and the world around you began to spin. You thought you were hallucinating your dress, but the material that covered your body was very much real. Storm clouds began to cover the sun and the sound of crashing waves grew louder. The ground groaned beneath you making you snap your head toward the mountain. The sound of rumbling got louder the more panicked you felt, you tried to calm yourself but nothing was working. Sinking to your knees, the tears began to spill as confusion, self-loathing, and panic overwhelmed you.
Curling into a ball, you cried until there were no tears left. The ground was hot and it rumbled while the wind twisted and swirled around you. There was no desire to move, you wanted the earth to consume you once more.
That was until you heard the familiar flap of wings. Remembering the sound of the winged beasts from Hel, you shot up and conjured a ball of fire in one hand and brandished the sword in the other.
Whoever it was converged quickly and moved faster than anticipated, you were about to launch a flame when familiar rough skin grasped your arms. You blinked and there was Azriel’s towering figure standing before you. Gasping in horror, you let go of the sword and let the fire wither.
Backing away, you tensed in his touch. “Go away! I don’t want to hurt you.”
He shook his head. “You’re not going to hurt me. I know you won’t hurt me.”
You looked up at him to see dark circles under his eyes, he was exhausted yet his eyes held so much love as peered down.
He lowered himself to your height, grasped the chiffon, and uncovered your head. “Do you know why I know you won’t hurt me?”
You looked at him blankly, still stunned that Azriel was on the island with you.
“We’re mates. I wish I got to tell you in better circumstances but I love you and I will always love you no matter what.”
Your brows scrunched in confusion and then you felt it, a pleasurable burn in your chest as a golden thread slowly materialized and snapped into place. You gasped at the flow of emotions coming from Azriel, it was filled with love and it terrified you.
“I’m dangerous,” you said as you shook your head. “Look at me. I need to get away.”
Azriel’s hands went up to cup your cheek. “You could throw one of those damned fireballs at me and I’d still crawl back to you because I can no longer live life without you.”
You squeezed your eyes shut. “I don’t deserve you. I hurt Amren. I’m going to hurt you one day and I won’t forgive myself,” you said gingerly placing a hand on the scarred parts of his hands.
Azriel was quiet at first, he looked back at his family who had flown or winnowed in and then he looked at you, his mate. His thumb traced your cheekbone as he watched your eyes slowly deglaze.
“I have felt a world without you in it and I never want to feel like that again. I am empty without you. I don’t want to breathe air that you aren’t breathing. I don’t want to wake up and see a blue sky knowing you aren’t there to admire it. I can’t do life without you. Never again,” he said as his voice faltered. “ I can’t do this without you. ”
“You love me?”
He nodded and smiled as silver-lined his eyes.
The bond thrummed between you, it was golden and strong.
You looked into his hazel eyes and believed him, relief flooded through your veins as you launched yourself, wrapping your arms around Azriel.
“I remember what happened the day I died. I was scared you wouldn’t accept the new me.”
He held you close and pressed his lips against your hair. “Impossible. I would love every version of you, our souls will always be bound together."
In Azriel’s embrace, whatever hold the God of Death had on you had unlatched. The black silk and chiffon disappeared into the ether and left you in your old garments. The only thing left was the silver sword that was thrown haphazardly on the ground.
Death lets you keep it as a “thank you” for what you’ve done. You were his lovely steadfast servant, but he wasn’t too upset about having to let you go. After all, whether it was in a year or a millennium, he knew you’d cross paths once more.
***
It took a while but you finally adjusted to life back in Prythian. The public rejoiced your return and the world finally seemed at peace again, the other High Lords were happy to come to Night Court and visit their old friend. Your role in Rhysand and Feyre’s court was reestablished and everything slowly went back to normal. The inner circle was still in disbelief you were alive and cherished every moment they had with you and the Archeron sisters immediately loved you.
Every morning, you and Azriel sat on the porch of a beautiful cottage that he had bought for the two of you. It was on the outskirts of Velaris and right next to the Sidra. You would drink your morning coffee and listen to the birds singing. Sometimes you were sat on Azriel’s lap or your feet propped up on his leg or he was simply holding your hand. Never again would Azriel take anything for granted, he learned the hard way that no one has all the time in the world. He knew how lucky he was to have this second chance.
Hel had changed you but you learned to accept that. You were darkness and Azriel was your light and you would cherish him until the very end.
Thank you thank you thank you for reading! I hope you loved our reader's happy ending! Lmk what you think! 😘
tags: Thank you for your patience, my loves!!!
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ramayantika · 8 months ago
Text
Told my mumma about hostel life, all the gossip and esp about this one room mate who kinda gives me backhanded compliments.
Well it's tumblr i will overshare lol. Here you go.
1. So I had edited a reel for my family trip and there was a clip where I was laying on the bed and my hair was open. It was windy so my hair was flying a little and it looked very good, like those old heroines leaving hair open with the wind. This room mate, we will call her Pinki, she saw it and said: Yeh tu hai? Tu kabse itni sundar dikhne lagi?
2. And then one point when I was new to everyone, I decided to share my writings with her because I found out she writes too, only for her to say: Yeh tune likha hai? Tu itna acha likh sakti hai? Kabse? Woman could simply smile or say acha hai ya jo bolna hai bolke jati bc aise kon bolta hai.
3. I have acne. Hormonal hai and periods ke 1 week pehle I breakout more baki time small pimples and open pores. And many a times she will come and tell me tu doctor ko dikha na. Yeh red kya hai? Oh naya pimple. Yeh kaise hua? Tera itna kyu hai? And believe me, my 6th grader self would have cried, but now I actually don't care about acne much. Meri mumma ka bhi same tha and so is mine. Her skin cleared up in 20s so she told me thoda wait karo apne aap ho jayega and I am pretty confident in my looks actually.
4. So I generally don't like much people on my class. Boys are shit with their misogynistic minds and well the girls are nice, decent enough but even there there is a whole different thing going around. Anyway, so in class, there was a public speaking opportunity, I grabbed it. The whole class got shocked about it because oooh the quiet girl in the class can speak. Many came up to compliment me. But Miss Pinki decided to give her intro while throwing shade over my activities. Like me living by a planned google calendar, me prioritising my dance and studies because acc to her college life mein mauj masti = gossip, pranks and outings. Bc sabke alag tareeke hote hai mazak masti karne ka. Then she decided to compare my lifestyle vs hers in her intro and God the way I felt embarrassed, partially for myself and the remaining for her
5. Tends to interrupt me when I am talking to someone. Another sweet friend of mine asked if all was good with my bf because she hadn't talked to me much because she is in a different branch. I was about to anwer when Miss Pinki decides to say kuch acha nahi chal raha bass durr se hi acha lagta hai. Mera toh jo haal hai puch mat.
7. One time I was teaching a friend about an app which I had taught to Pinki too. Pinki after gossiping with the boys hostel (now that's a whole different tea and our girl is delusional) decides to interrupt me halfway, takes away the laptop and then continues teaching her as if I am fucking invisible.
In conclusion, mumma told me that you focus on studies and dancing. Go with the other girls and since you have made new friends with the dance society too, meet up with them too.
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ashmp3 · 4 months ago
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closing #heyteo 💌
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i want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart who's ever tagged me in their posts! i can't put it into words how grateful i am for having such talented, sweet people around me that wanted to share their beautiful creations with me. i cherish them all and i hope yapping in my tags conveyed that. Honestly i could talk about them in great lengths (and mostly i did...) so this is why i feel like i think its right time to wrap this up - i feel bad when i can't sit down, talk my ass off and give my full attention to each and every single post. Sadly i don't think its possible for me to do it now which is why i am writing all this, with a tear in my eye honestly. I checked and saw i have 925 (and counting!) posts in this tag and first of all - that is CRAZY! I am so grateful you have no idea. I really, really cherished this little corner of the internet that i called my own so this is all bittersweet but i think it's for the best! Lastly, i don't plan on going anywhere just yet so of COURSE feel free to tag me in anything you think i shouldn't miss (especially Jeonghan and your selfies... of course) - you already know a block of tags will be coming your way! And for being my amazingly talented friends i wrote little thank-you notes for everyone that made #heyteo one of the best decisions i made on tumblr 💌 I appreciate you all SO so so so much!
@jeonwonwoo -> my angel and the reason i even made this tag miss zaynab! We would be here for weeks if i started talking about how thankful i am for your existence. My no1 source of Jeonghan gifs, someone who perfectly matches my freak - thank you the MOST! (And ofc you can still expect me to go on tangents under your gifs i mean... that's what this blog is all about!) Love you!🩷🫶🏼
@kimsuyeon -> my talented lili, with the most wonderful gifs that are just so YOU! Always so wonderfully curated and colored, your idol + era collection is for the HERstory books if you ask me. Thank you for sharing them with all of us. i am so happy to have you around and i am thankful that you have been one of Thee contributors to #heyteo 🫶🏼🩷
@pink-vacancy -> i think it wouldn't be wrong to call you my yuna and mina supplier 🤭 cherry yuna is for the history books and you are the biggest contributor to that fact! thank you so much for always tagging me and making my tag a tad bit spicier and sexier with the gorgeous, stunning women you gif! love you and appreciate you SO much 💌🍒🫶🏼
@scouped -> MAX you are such an integral part of #heyteo through your many sideblogs and i am always so so sooo grateful for it! i love everyone but of course i love svt just a tad bit more so seeing your sets always made me so giddy and excited 🫶🏼 again, one of the people that really pushed me to make this tag in the first place so i want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. love you!!! 💖🌟
@vcrnons -> j!!! my dear sweet darling J that wanted to kill me on more than one occasion. thank you so much for tagging me and sorry for all the things i said under your gifs its like they hypnotize me... And ofc i am excited to be annoying under your tags in the future 🫶🏼💖💖💖
@scoupsies -> my naya funniest sweetest most talented darling... You've been thee highlight of my user tag - and i promise i will still be yapping under your gifs like how could i not?! you best believe i will be checking you blog so i don't miss anything because well that would just be devastating for me. thank you so much for tagging me i love you & appreciate you SO much!!! 🫶🏼🩷💌
@neonsbian -> my wayv supplier and source of updates 🤭 thank you so much vinnie, for always tagging me in everything so far & i always enjoyed seeing my twin yangyang in the tag (for better or worse) 💖
@no1boa -> lulu! absolute master of gifs thank you SO much for always tagging me in your dreamy, beautiful creations. honestly i will miss them SO much... so expect me to go through your blog like a morning newspapers and look for new sets 🙂‍↕️🫶🏼🤍
@taeiltual -> i always say this in the tags but every single company would benefit from a BexTM master class on editing! Thank you so much for sharing your works and thank your for tagging me 🤍🫶🏼🌟
@facethesuns -> em your posts always make me feel like ground is shaking... Thank you so much for tagging me in your stuff & of course i am excited to keep yapping in the tags in the future 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️💖
@ningtual -> MY SUNWOO SUPPLIER oh henna this is for the better or worse because my blood pressure rises whenever i see him... thank you for tagging me in your beautiful aespa edits (and nunulino...) love you mwah mwah!!! 🫶🏼🩷
@talksaxy -> even though we haven't been mutuals for a long time, whenever you would tag me in sungchan you best believe i would kick my feet and get giddy... thank you so much for adding a beautiful fawn touch to my tag! & ofc expect me to be in your tags either way, and yeah this kinda reads as a threat but you can't blame me really can't you... thank you sooo much. mwah! 🫶🏼🌟💖
@28reas0ns -> oh wwill first of all i want to say i love your vision and how we both sometimes make similar connections... You have such an eye for the aesthetics and it was such an honor to seen every post you made so thank you SO much for tagging me it truly meant so much to me 🫶🏼💖🤍💖🤍
@isabelleadjani -> first of all thank you for using it for its intended purposes (selfies!!!). and second of all thank you for tagging me in your beautiful, gorgeous gifs. You always go one level up and its so evident in the way you present your sets. I would still love to get tagged in your selfies of course thats a no brainer really 🫶🏼 Thank you so much & i really appreciate your presence on here 🤍🤍🤍
@junmail -> oh its been such a delight to see all the junhui in my tag (along with others of course) so thank you SO much for tagging me and sharing your beautiful gif sets with me (and everyone else)🫶🏼💖
@doyeons -> BELLA!!! first of all. thank you for sungah and seohyun gifs that was kinda legendry don't you agree. Thank you for amplifying frommy gifs in my tag they made me so crazy but also... i am very thankful 🙂‍↕️ And you best believe i will still be under your posts like a pathetic little guy. Kiss!!! 🫶🏼💖
@eightshotamericano -> elly my local jeonghan enthusiast i want to thank you for tagging me in your posts i really enjoyed them always 💖 and i appreciate you for thinking of me, love you!🥹🫶🏼
@seonghwasblr -> I know there wasn't many but i still want to send my virtual thank you card for including me in your beautiful gifs of jeonghan my darling maja i really appreciate it!🫶🏼💖
@jeonwon-wonwoo -> maddie thank you for tagging me in your lessera gifs back in the beginning of the year - it was so sweet of you! 🫶🏼💖 again, a huge thank you to everyone who’s tagged me in their posts. it truly means a lot, and I’m so grateful for each and every one of you who’s taken the time to include me. I appreciate you all more than words can express 🥹🥹🥹🫶🏼🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
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kristinart18officialpage · 8 months ago
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Mermay - #1: Sea Nymph
Hellow, guys! I missed you so much!
Well! I got a little revitalised just as spring arrived. It's May from today, which means I'm slowly getting into a MeRmAy!
I will dedicate this month to the original characters :3
This humble little girl's name is Naya, which means sea nymph :3
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mitski · 1 year ago
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this made me fucking cry oh my god i miss you so much naya
what a beautiful song
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storiesoflilies · 6 months ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/storiesoflilies/755644317549395968/a-naya-anonymously-message-me-3-things-you?source=share
1) what's your favorite fanfic of all time? the one you're thinking about almost every day
2) how can someone become a moot with you?
3) what does your dream date look like?
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hello my darling nonie!!
thankyou very much for feeding my ask addiction, hehe i love answering them in between bursts of writing :3
now lemme answer!
1 - my fave fanfic of all time? hmmm.
this is such a big biiiig question. i have a lot of talented moots, and i have quite a few of their fics that i think about all the time. like @neptuneblue ‘cupid’s quiver’ and @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat ‘sometimes i long to eat you up’. any of @dollsuguru snippets i greedily scoff too lol. @pinknipszz heian era sukuna drabbles are little gemstones, the vibes are immaculate. ooo i also think of @bungalowbear ‘wolves of tokyo’ too, again because, VIBES!!
however my top one that takes up a lot of my thoughts is the series ‘the odyssey’ by @lovenona . i really take my hat off to this author and the series for getting me back into writing. the story is so brilliantly crafted, and the writing is absolutely astonishing and dreamy. adele took my brain to another world and needs to win a fanfic award ASAPPPP!
i have my fav art/fics under my favorites tag if you’d like to see more :)
2 - you wanna be moots?!?!? let’s be moots :3
honestly though i really don’t mind anyone reaching out to me, as long as we interact in a respectful way and keep it relatively light. please don’t be shy, i really hope i’m not intimidating hehe :)
and if you are too shy, plsplsplspls give me an emoji or something so i can assign it to you! then we can still chat and i’ll know it’s you (kinda, lol) (btw :3nonie if you’re seeing this, I MISS YOU WHERE DID YOU GO?!??)
helpful hint i guess – I LOVE TOJI!! in case you haven’t noticed already, i have a lot of toji brainrot hehe, so that is the way to my heart eheh :3 @tadabzzzbee is well aware of this hahaha
commenting your thoughts or how much you liked my fics really makes my day, and chances are i will instantly follow you if you’re consistently interacting with my pieces! because while i do notice my regular likers, but it’s people who comment that i really remember and am more inclined to follow!
3 - dream date?!?!?!
HMMMM!!! i suppose a picnic date on the beach, on a day when it’s pleasantly warm and i won’t be cold at all, so i can wear my pretty summer clothes. strawberries and fresh cream is a MUSTTTT!! ooo and fresh lemonade would be wonderful too hehe.
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lovezbrownies · 3 months ago
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Mr crabs I have an idea 🕊💡💡✨✨✨ sort of!..
I’m honestly just taking on what the previous anon said about Gen’s darling matching her energy but in a diff way. I’ve been thinking of it in general for some time but how about a yandere darling. BUT hold on. Not a yan.darling who’s crazy for their yandere but for someone else.
as I already see that going around tumblr and not nearly as much as a yandere darling who’s crazy for someone else and will kill the other yandere if they even so much as try to touch them/their darling. And I’m not talking about just crazy but high up in a power scale society wise like maybe the queens descendants like cousins and such. Since strength wise doesn’t compare to status in my eyes tbh
anyways take this as how you’ll like -🌪️ after a days long vacation
oomf... OOMF.. TORNADO OOMF. HOW I MISSED YOU AND YOUR ENLIGHTENMENTS 🙏🙏🙏🙏
oomf actually i was so excited hwne i read this sorry. your genius is one i will never be able to ever reach your level of intelligence oomf... I RLLY RLLY ENJOY THAT IDEA ACTUALLY. It would be so interesting to see the craziest oc of mine (Gen though i never had to clarify) react to their darling themselves being as crazy (but better) for someone else. Gen is crazy, and would be crazier in this scenario.
Youre just like her! just as obsessive, possessive, loving, and carign!!! likeee so obv you should obsess over her right? WRONG. you end up completely in love and obsessed with another lady of the court, a baroness who is unmarried and you know shes unmarried because guess what, you're a fucking royal, a bit low on the heir to the throne chain but a royal nonetheless! and a Chief at that! you have to do something with your life, you're only the queen's cousin nothin special!
As Chief of Noble Affairs, essentially overseeing all the nobles of Xelera, making sure they all do their jobs but also provide them with the materials to do their jobs so and so forth. Which led to you and Gen meeting, you never liked her, had an off feeling from the very beginning and tend to ignore her, an impossible feat as she consistently chases after you and tries to engage in inappropriate behavior whenever you two are alone.
You once reprimanded her at that point, using your power and position against her "Leave me alone Chief Gen, or dare I utter a word of this wonderful behavior to the Queen? Shall I show her how you act around your superiors? Back off and do not approach me from now on." Since then she did actually leave you alone for a while! But Gen did watch over you from afar trying to ensure your safety and other Gen-like acitivites.
Soon she witnesses you falling for a certain Baroness, Lady Naya of Hossenberg. Becoming overly obsessed, trying as hard as you could to make sure that Naya ends up in your embrace, going to so many different lengths so she'd reciprocate. Stalking Naya and bombarding her home with loving gifts and poems, you became insane over this simple woman!
What was so attractive about Naya? Gen is strong and hot, Gen has power, Gen has the titles, and Gen is infamous for her war strategies. And Naya is a girl Gen used to bully when she was younger! Weak and pathetic, and dare Gen try and threaten Naya? Somehow you'd know, and threaten Gen doubled, threatening everything under the sun for her to fear you. How silly, Gen fearing someone else, but she will back off, only because she doesn't want to be beheaded anytime soon. She will get you, one way or another.
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brittanas-blog · 1 year ago
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happy birthday my angel 🤍
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autistook · 5 months ago
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I always have thanked Naya Rivera for helping me come out as bi, but now that I came out as a lesbian, she means so much more to me.
Thank you, I miss you.
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mrfellsans · 8 months ago
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✩Got inspired to write the thoughts that came in my head after reading angst time with @cutechan555 ✩
Warning. This is kinda long-
This makes me wonder if there is a core memory that would take ages for peppino just to remember at least one heart breaking and impactful moment he had including Naya caretta and Theo (there would probably be happy memories to but er ya know)
For tragic ones: Like for peppino to remember a bit of noise as a kid he would probably remember the second before he blacked out which was when he saw kid noise crying in front of him, I feel like this would be a core memory since he wanted to help noise he didn't want him to get hurt and before he blacked out and got amnesia I feel like he would try his best to at least comfort him for a second but the foggyness caught up and he was never able to help one last time, For Naya I'm thinking maybe she was in a dangerous situation where she wandered off into a little forest near the park leading her to a pack of stray dogs that crowded around her and tries attacking her but luckily peppino came in last second grabbed her and ran out the forest with her and other then this being a dangerous situation I feel like this would be the first time Peppino helped Naya out in a bad situation like that so I'm thinking like Naya was very thankful and probably said a simple like "Thank you mama Pino" and those words probably hit like a truck for peppino cuz it showed how much they care about Pino And for Caretta I feel like it be a bit similar to Nayas but different in a way, technically caretta wondered off on purpose and she was missing for like the whole day and then eventually around sunset peppino found her and lashed out a bit out her for just going without a trace and caretta just doesn't care and like peppino sits next to her and ask her what's wrong and she says "Ive been thinking of bad things happening" and like peppino starts feeling a bit bad since kids they don't rlly learn about sad stuff at an early age and he ask what are those thoughts and caretta responds with "I'm scared you won't be with us forever like one day your gonna die, today I learned what dying was and I don't want mommy or daddy to die or you" and peppino probably hesitates to respond and says "don't worry I'll be here for as long as you like" and caretta is like "But what if one day you have to go? Are you gonna say bye?" And I feel like that just hurt peppino anymore, this tiny child is thinking of worse case scenarios and I feel like if your like an older person and you hear like a little kid talking about stuff like that it it just hits different you know? Not in a good way but a painful way. After that he said he would promise to say bye and picked her up and took her back home, though that bye never happened.
Anyways I got inspired by these scenarios by: Noise car accident comic that CC made, Naya for having a pet doggo named James, and for caretta a similar experience I had with a child earlier today
Naya by @luigigirl12
(Sorry if y'all didn't wanna be tagged my mind just started going haywire after reading the angst cc made 🥲)
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siya-sayani · 5 months ago
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Dear Siya didi,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday dear gurumata,Happy birthday to you~
To kaise ho aap? Or ek min mujhe bhul to nahi gaye ! Main Tamanna, wahi kota wali, aree wahi jiske sath aapne momos khane ke plan banaye the. Agar abhi bhi yaad nahi aya to koi baat nahi.
Okay so yeah humne abhi bhot dino se interact nahi kiya and naya account banaya hai maine to purane walo se saare baatein chuth gayi par yeah I MISS YOU and LOVE you alottttt. So yeah happy birthday Miss.
And happy guru purnima bhi aapne mujhe girlboss banna sikhaya 😭
So yeah few songs
Happy birthday again 🎀
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Awleeeee thankuuu thankuuuu baccheeee I missed u tammuuuuu where were uuuuuuu ab don't go now , stay here ❤️❤️❤️ thanku sooo much 😍🤗🤗 ( and yea I remember u )
Thanku for these beautiful songsss they are just like uuuu
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spaceorphan18 · 1 year ago
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Not the OP but I imagine that last ask was re the fact they talked about The Box Scene in today's podcast episode and said they can understand why it was cut because it was 'lackluster'. 🙄
Nonny #2 - Sorry second nonny, I didn't realize I copied and pasted wrong, and deleted your message before adding it correctly. <3
@wowbright says : In case you didn't have this context, and the latest episode apparently they said that the box scene was probably cut because it was "lackluster" and "not very good." That has set people off. (And personally I think it's a weird opinion. Like, it was probably cut for time because of less relevance to the rest of the episode?)
I'm going to kind of hit all of this at once. Because I have some thoughts.
First of all, about the actual scene, while I understand why it was cut - in that there were time constraints and, no, it isn't pushing the story forward, it is a cute little scene that reestablishes where their relationship is in the grand scheme of things. And you know what? They made it canon at the end, so there's that.
It's not a bad scene, nor is it lackluster. It's of equal value, honestly, as the Santa Baby scene.
Secondly, that's a shame they downplayed what it did for charity. That's a huge deal, it's a shame they can't recognize the significance of a fandom movement -- especially as they raise money for things like Snixxmas and Alexandria House.
My third point is of two parts….
A) Kevin and Jenna do not know (or care) how to be objective. They just don't. They've proven time after time that they're watching things they like and do not care about the rest of it. It doesn't make me want to listen to it, and it's a shame they can't muster enough professionalism to try, but it's their podcast, and at the end of the day I can't change that.
B) You guys keep acting as if there's some big conspiracy theory as to their reasonings and at the end of the day -- more so going back to my original Nonny from earlier today -- they just do not care about Klaine. They think about Klaine in the way that I think about Jarley. They're there -- they take up screen time that I wish was given to other things -- and it's not something I particularly enjoy sitting through.
[But as an aside - I like to think I can be objective enough to admit when something is written or done well. And going back to point A, Kevin and Jenna don't know how or don't care to even put the work in on that.]
It is not about Chris. It is not about Darren. (And the speculation is a little odd there -- but we don't know them, maybe they do hate Darren (doubtful guys) but either way, I really, really do not think it has to do with this.)
And interestingly, I don't necessarily think it's solely a dislike of Blaine either. I know they praise Chris a lot, but they really skip over some great Kurt things, too, that aren't related to Klaine.
And yes, it really is about Naya and Cory and themselves. They are more personally invested in those stories and those people and that is going to color how they see the show. It just is. It's how people work.
Going back to point B - the reason it hits hard for us is that for them (like how I feel about Jarley) it's not personal and it doesn't mean much. It's just kind of there. But for us, it is personal. We do see all the good things (along with the bad) and it has meant a lot -- it's been a personal love -- it has meant very deep things to people.
And what may hit hard for people -- and what Kevin and Jenna are completely missing because they're really not good at the objectivity or the looking at the big picture -- is the fact that when you disregard the thing, it feels like a personal judgment on /you/.
And guys - it's not. They just happen to dislike/not be invested in a thing we really love, and that's kind of it. I find it unfortunate. I am kind of disappointed in their lack of understanding I really have stopped listening to the show other than interviews I want to listen to. I wish there was a way that I could explain that to them - but I don't really know how.
I don't really have any answers other than that guys. :/
It'll be interesting to see how they handle Seasons 4-6, where Artie is almost a prop, Tina goes crazy, and there is a fuckton of Blaine, Kurt, and Klaine.
Or maybe they'll end it at Season 3. Who knows. shrugs
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