#I loved these questions nonie!!!!

[storiesoflilies]

https://www.tumblr.com/storiesoflilies/755644317549395968/a-naya-anonymously-message-me-3-things-you?source=share

1) what's your favorite fanfic of all time? the one you're thinking about almost every day

2) how can someone become a moot with you?

3) what does your dream date look like?

hello my darling nonie!!

thankyou very much for feeding my ask addiction, hehe i love answering them in between bursts of writing :3

now lemme answer!

1 - my fave fanfic of all time? hmmm.

this is such a big biiiig question. i have a lot of talented moots, and i have quite a few of their fics that i think about all the time. like @neptuneblue ‘cupid’s quiver’ and @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat ‘sometimes i long to eat you up’. any of @dollsuguru snippets i greedily scoff too lol. @pinknipszz heian era sukuna drabbles are little gemstones, the vibes are immaculate. ooo i also think of @bungalowbear ‘wolves of tokyo’ too, again because, VIBES!!

however my top one that takes up a lot of my thoughts is the series ‘the odyssey’ by @lovenona . i really take my hat off to this author and the series for getting me back into writing. the story is so brilliantly crafted, and the writing is absolutely astonishing and dreamy. adele took my brain to another world and needs to win a fanfic award ASAPPPP!

i have my fav art/fics under my favorites tag if you’d like to see more :)

2 - you wanna be moots?!?!? let’s be moots :3

honestly though i really don’t mind anyone reaching out to me, as long as we interact in a respectful way and keep it relatively light. please don’t be shy, i really hope i’m not intimidating hehe :)

and if you are too shy, plsplsplspls give me an emoji or something so i can assign it to you! then we can still chat and i’ll know it’s you (kinda, lol) (btw :3nonie if you’re seeing this, I MISS YOU WHERE DID YOU GO?!??)

helpful hint i guess – I LOVE TOJI!! in case you haven’t noticed already, i have a lot of toji brainrot hehe, so that is the way to my heart eheh :3 @tadabzzzbee is well aware of this hahaha

commenting your thoughts or how much you liked my fics really makes my day, and chances are i will instantly follow you if you’re consistently interacting with my pieces! because while i do notice my regular likers, but it’s people who comment that i really remember and am more inclined to follow!

3 - dream date?!?!?!

HMMMM!!! i suppose a picnic date on the beach, on a day when it’s pleasantly warm and i won’t be cold at all, so i can wear my pretty summer clothes. strawberries and fresh cream is a MUSTTTT!! ooo and fresh lemonade would be wonderful too hehe.

[anonimusunnoaniswriting]

Well here's part 2! ( ≻⸝⸝⸝≺ ྀི)

How can I deny a nice cup of tea and a massage ? There's no way. I thank you dearly.

You and Nanami probably gonna kill me with a huge sermon about not working overtime to which I have been doing more, and my poor health has been less healthy. I should say. But I'm managing it and taking care as much as I can. At some point I'll slow down a bit with the extra shifts.

May I adoringly nickname you as my Wifey now ? Is that okay ? Instead of Workwives we are Ficwives? (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

Gonna start tagging our conversations as "The Miscellaneous Misadventures and Mischiefs of Noni & Kat", watcha thing about that ?

Take all the time you need about posting fics, sweetie. I follow discontinued stories and some that I have been waiting for idk three+ years to be continued ? I'm very patient in waiting even with my chronic issue problems. Like anxiety. Your slow cooking is worth the wait and it's gonna be delightful! (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠)

Please if I start yapping too much just tell.me to shut up that I'll go back to my void corner. But I would like to thank you, Bacon and Mrs Haitch and other dear moots that slowly got me into asking /interacting / talking more around here. You've all been so dear and welcoming ! You have no idea how that has affected me! Idk how many years I've been here, and I'm always dead silent. I just leave little thank you's and a small comment or notes on something. So thank you for adopting this stray cat.

It's wonderful people like you and them and your wonderful stories that have kept me going all these years, doesn't matter if it's an image, drabble, one shot, a whole 100 + chapter fic, that brings so many times comfort from the harsh real life world.

I am immensely grateful to have meet you, and for having you as a friend! And them included. (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*⁠。

Please do be feral ! It can happen always at anytime whatever the circumstances! I love and support feral ladies and everyone else ! Don't hold back ! Go absolutely gnawing feral over the things that matter for you and that you like talking about.

Now pouring the Tea !

I should leave you hanging a bit longer just for the pleasure of torturing you a little bit. But I won't. I might have the murderous resting face but I'm a softie by heart.

What can I say ? Before my brain fried ?

The little bit I observed, because yes I am shy and introvert irl, I barely talk and keep it mostly to myself, but I have a error on my code, depending on what happens, I blush easily (yes yes I know here am I 25+ blushing so bad that sometimes the tip of my ears get pink too, its horrible, there goes my bad face facade through the window) and sometimes my colleagues try to get that reaction out of me, which is hard because I know how to hide well. But sometimes like this, there's no way of denying and oh boy did they get a kick out of it, it was the talk all day. lol

It's a small bakery coffee shop, nothing glamorous or like Starbucks. It's local. Since the town basically revolves around tourism on the weekends usually it cramps up a bit. But mostly it's just the same old costumers.

But this guy never showed up here, on the shop. From the little I could observe, because usually I slyly avoid too eye contact much. He's tall, I would say early 50's ? Dark brown hair with some silverfox strands showing. A five o'clock shadow of a beard. Very well dressed, and accompanied. Yes yes. What you think about this glimpse of him ? I guess handsome in his ways ? Idk. But he was so polite.

Maybe one day I get lucky enough to meet someone with Nanami vibes, and things happens just as you described ?

Thank you for interacting with me ! Form your support and friendliness! I appreciate it so much, blessed be sweetie ! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

With love,

Kat

My beautiful Love,

You're in the absolute correct place. In a perfect utopia, we would never have to work overtime, we would be fed and taken care of, and the world would not be the shit show that it is today.

Unfortunately, for us, we do not live in such a world and are forced to trudge to our places of work everyday. Slaves chained to a never ending unrewarding system that drains the very soul out of our selves.

Regardless. You must prioritise yourself, my love. You must. Because you are a ray of sunshine in this world and you should never be dimmed.

It goes without saying that I will keep writing. Keep creating. Whether it's a short or long or one like or smau whatever. Writing is everything to me. (It's actually going to be what 10 years of my writing and postings online I think ahahah) And though I'm not big and popular i don't care because interactions like yours MAKE MY DAY.

Darling.

I LOVE coffee shops like that. It sounds like a dream! Oh I'd love to meet "the one" in such a place. I have gobbled more coffee shop au stories than I can count and just love it. Keep em coming. But again, please look after yourself also.

Our Coffee Shop Silver Fox (CSSF) sounds totally daddy! Terribly attractive men who just breeze in and out being polite as shit are my actual honest to god weakness. Like marry me. Right now good sir pit a fucking ring on it.

I don't blame you for being flustered, I would be too!

And I hope you don't mind me saying but, my love, you sound gorgeous jsjs. 🫣🫣🫣

Stay safe, look after yourself, and make sure to drink enough water and eat your meals on time lovey.

Yours, in prose,

Wifey🩷

I wanna tag real quick here @uchihasanctuary and @pseudowho because they deserve to know you're a cutie who thinks about them too. (But we all know u love me mostest, right... ? )

[seiwas]

satoru being into edging heck yess!! I can see it, i imagine col reader teasing him from behind while giving him a nice hj and he's exasperated because he loves it but at the same time he cannot kiss her and mark her with his seed when he comes undone, not until he's just about to spill it all he takes her by a surprise and kisses her all over, all while he's marking her. He's a whinny overstimulated sensitive mess of a baby, he just wants to pamper and be pampered and loved. 😭😭

oh god i hope this isn't too much! if u have thoughts on this to share pls do! I love em aaa

🫧

omg nonie.🫧 i—

u went off HAHDJSJSJ 😳🫣 i don’t know what to say omg 😭

but i guess i will add this !! somehow, col gojo always gets what he wants 🤧🥲

[iamaneevee]

My Adventure Time brainrot is back and stronger than ever, so I thought I’d post my OC Ice Princess Snowflake here.

Ice King made her out of ice and snow because he thought she’d help him get princesses to like him.

[vcrnons]

hello i went shopping today and these are the pulls of the century, i’m not actually taking questions 🫶

[tenshusuto]

⅋⅋ㅤ𝐔𝐍𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 ; ㅤ( always accepting ) anonymous : did you ever suspect Hiyori and Shinji would be a thing?

ㅤ'' I can't talk for Shinji as his emotions were a bit difficult to read in the past, but regarding Hiyori, she always loved him in her own feral way. They bickered so much that I once jokingly thought for myself: it would be funny if those two ever became a thing. Back then, the idea was weird and incompatible like the same poles of the magnets, '' he chuckles to himself, recalling a few peculiar details from the past.

And he also recalled the moment that led to the major breaking point in his assumptions.

ㅤ'' But one day, something happened. I asked Hiyori to accompany me to Ujimushi no Su, and on our way back, we encountered Shinji, who came to greet us with a good morning. She threw herself at him and attacked because he greeted everyone else — but her. She was so upset, and when I saw that look in her eyes ... I realized, I suspected. '' I knew ...

[dykerica]

Completely weird question so feel free to ignore but are you from BC, canada? Bc the area code you used in your example is like the same area code as my phone number and I’m from bc LOL

ahkdh no sorry lol i am in fact american 😔 i just googled canadian phone number area codes because i wanted to be accurate and took the first one i saw, however i have had mutuals in the past figure out we live like 30 mins away from each other bcus of tumblr posts so i dont blame you for being curious

[skyfallscotland]

Ok so Rebecca did a one hour panel today in Sydney with Lynette Noni hosting, where she asked questions and then they opened it to fans. I've kind of summarised the things I haven't seen mentioned over and over, but I don't frequent the subreddit anymore or use TikTok, so there might be overlap. In any case, it's long. Settle in. I've sectioned it into plot/character relevant first, then themes and interesting facts about her and her writing. Basically, you all came with me. 💗

• In book three (and every book thereafter) we'll be going to more and more new places. She specifically worded it as "watching the map expand" whether that's significant or not, I don't know. (I was thinking Isle Kingdoms for OS, but maybe that's just my wishful thinking).

• She implied Jack will have a reason (explained) for uh...being a power-hungry prick? lol

• She's hella defensive of Dain, which I love. #DainApologistsClub 😌 Some highlights include:

"You guys give Dain so much shit for the same thing Xaden does. You really do and you're so fast to forgive Xaden and not Dain. Why? Is it because he's hot?"

And, "when push comes to shove, all Dain did—yes he violated her boundaries, as does Xaden—but all he did was trust his dad when his best friend no longer spoke to him. That's it."

"When Dain looks at her (in the interrogation chamber) and says 'if you had just told me, none of this would have happened', he's not just talking about the interrogation, he's talking about Liam, he's talking about if she had just trusted him (in Fourth Wing) it never would have happened." 😢

• She was asked about Liam's appearance in the interrogation chamber and definitively put to rest any signet theories involving that. "She's so alone in that moment and...I don't read fan theories but sometimes they reach my ears; she's completely disconnected from her magic in that moment, she can't even reach out for Tairn or Andarna, which are the bonds that are actually most important to her. She can't reach out for Xaden. And that's the one person who would have prevented that from happening the last year, so it's natural that's who her mind would summon."

• She's thought about a spin-off series, but she's just trying to survive this series.

• Someone asked her if there'd be any redemption and romance for Jack Barlowe and honestly, thanks guys, I don't think she's ever coming back to this country 💀 ("Are you getting enough sleep? Uh...I mean, from his prison cell maybe? No.")

• Someone asked "what is Garrick's signet and why hasn't it been shown yet?" (shoutout to this girl, she's the real MVP) to which Rebecca said "it's very much in book three, I love it."

• Someone asked about the orange dragons and unpredictability re: Amber, Jack, Varrish and then Imogen and Brennan. Rebecca said some dragons might look for traits like their own and some look for balance because it's a partnership; and that Brennan as a strategist needed that little bit of unpredictability in his life (lol, I think he got it).

• She didn't always plan for Violet to have two dragons. Originally it was going to be one (Tairn) and the editor had hoped that she would sway towards a weaker, smaller dragon and she thought that was a little too close to Abraxos in ToG, and so they compromised and gave her both. She also went on to say she doesn't like overpowered heroines and since Tairn is extremely powerful, Andarna balanced that out. (I'm not...I'm not sure how that works out? But that's what was said.)

• We are definitely going to find out more about the original six (and Lynette asked if that was a spin-off possibility and was shushed, so she's thought about it at least, but I get the idea she's thought about a lot of possibilities 😂)

• There's no timeframe for the release of the final two books.

• Someone asked if Violet's dad was Malek to which she was kind of shocked. He's not a god, guys. And low-key I JUST WANT TO KNOW HIS NAME. 😤

• On Sgaeyl: "You do (get more of her) but holy crap is she pissed. So—I'll tell you that about Onyx Storm—she is really, really mad at Xaden and she's not exactly speaking to him at the moment. So it's hard for her to speak into that bond when she's not speaking to him." 💔

• She was asked about the Violet dated Halden theory (which was fucking hilarious because the poor girl misspoke and asked if Xaden dated the prince and we were all really confused about which TikToks the poor thing had seen (note to self: consider cam/xaden), anyway after we got to the bottom of that, Rebecca replied, "I think you should read the third book." Which I'm taking to mean, the man is making a damn appearance and we're gonna find out for ourselves 👀 Hey, if I'm lucky maybe we'll even find out his surname

• Finally she said she has EP on the Amazon series, they've all been exceptionally protective of it and that she's happy with how it's going (they're not near casting yet and she doesn't want to really comment on that ever, to leave each role open to as diverse a cast as possible). She said the production team has come to the signings in LA to meet readers and see what they love and are passionate about when it comes to the series to make sure that's honoured.

"Like I mean, I've seen certain...like what can I say without getting tackled to the ground? Let's just say they've already taken steps to make sure that what you guys love about the story is envisioned and that it's not run amok. And I'm very happy with it, they're super protective of it." Which could just be me reading into it, but the first place my brain went was the dragons 👀🐉 and the CGI or whatever.

• She was asked about where the inspiration for the universe came from and she said that when her Entangled decided they were going to do romantasy they asked her for five pitches and Fourth Wing was one of them (she won't say what the others were because she might still write them someday). She said she likes the fated mates trope but she wondered what that would look like if the dragons were the ones mated, not the humans and the humans who couldn't stand each other were forced to be around each other because of this. 

• Her first ever book was romantasy but it didn't sell

• She's never really written enemies to lovers before.

• She likes found family themes because she was raised in a military family and moved around a lot, so that makes it hard to keep in touch with your extended family, and after she married her husband and became a military wife, it was their found family that was there for her—it was her found family who helped her move her house, who sat with her when her husband was injured in Iraq, etc, so she thinks it's very important to show that your family is also the people you choose and that can be just as strong as any blood tie.

• She was asked (by Lynette) why she wanted to show death and the reality of war and she said, "I've been surrounded by it. My husband's been at war since 2003, he spent 22 years in the army, first as a 19 Delta cavalry scout and then ten years as an apache pilot and we buried our friends. And I saw what it did to him, and I saw what it did to our friends, I saw what it did to our children, to us, and I love being able to examine it from a fantasy perspective just because I think fantasy gives us a unique environment from which to critique our own world by viewing it through the lens of another. And I've always delved into those themes as to why we do this to each other and where is there hope to stop it?"

• As an author her favourite scenes in Fourth Wing were the dagger stealing scene (very important to their chemistry and romantic development—"she's the only person he's taught ever, how to actually kill him") and the first kiss scene.

In Iron Flame it was the interrogation scene and how that ends with Dain and Xaden and everything coming together.

When asked about a similar scene from Onyx Storm that elicited the same strong emotion from her she said "you're not gonna like it" and that's it 💀

• She would consider writing fantasy again after she's done with the Empyrean world, maybe one of her other pitches, but she won't truly think about it until she's survived this one.

• She spoke about the "kill your darlings" writing advice and how if you love a scene but it doesn't move the plot, you've gotta cut it, and how she did that with the final scene in Fourth Wing, which was originally 7k words of Violet POV pulling information out of Xaden.

• When asked about fan theories she actually said something I found a little sad. "I don't listen to fan theories. One, I'm not on TikTok—it's a little bit more important for me to be alive than to listen to what other people think they know about me, and two, I don't ever want fan theories to bleed into my writing."

〰️ And that's it! If anyone's going tomorrow, please voice record the whole thing and report back lmao 🙏 🫶🏼

ETA: part two is here, x

[todomitoukei]

Japanese vs. English Todoroki Family Finale - A 426 Comparison

Just a few days after Horikoshi announced that there were only 5 chapters left, the so-called final chapter for the Todoroki family came out, as always sparking lots of discussion and bringing forth countless questionable takes, followed by the release of the official English translation.

So let’s take a closer look at the Japanese lines, starting with the Todoroki family’s short conversation before going to see Touya:

「来なくて大丈夫って言ったのに！」

「来なくて ; konakute」-> not coming 「大丈夫 ; daijoubu」-> okay; alright 「って ; tte」-> quoting particle (casual of と) 「言った ; itta」-> said 「のに ; noni」-> even though

= “Even though we said it’s okay not to come.”

「それを言うなら貴方たちもよ冬美夏雄」

「それ ; sore」-> that 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「言う ; iu」-> to say 「なら ; nara」-> that being the case; on the topic of 「貴方たち ; anatatachi」-> you (plural) 「も ; mo」-> also; too 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「冬美 ; fuyumi」-> Fuyumi 「夏雄 ; natsuo」-> Natsuo

= “On the topic of saying that, you too, Fuyumi, Natsuo.”

What stood out to me here was Rei calling him Natsuo, when usually, everyone else (except Endeavor) calls him Natsu-kun or Natsu. Calling him by the full version of his first name rather than a shortened version might be done to indicate that things have changed, although not necessarily in a negative way. It's more that there has been a shift.

By the way, I am working on a masterpost talking about how the family addresses + refers to each other. Yes, I am going through the entire manga for that (this is a cry for help). Once the manga is finished I will post it (at some point), so look out for that if you’re interested in finding out exactly how many times who gets called what (yes, I am counting and making graphs)!

「お母さんでも…」

「お母さん ; okaasan」-> mom 「でも ; demo」-> but

= “But mom…”

「それを言うならおまえもだ冷」

「それ ; sore」-> that 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「言う ; iu」-> to say 「なら ; nara」-> that being the case; on the topic of 「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「も ; mo」-> also; too 「だ ; da」-> be 「冷 ; rei」-> Rei

= “On the topic of saying that, you too, Rei.”

I love that he almost fully copies Rei’s phrase here. This is the first of many unoriginal lines that he has in this chapter. It only goes downhill from here.

「義務感で来たんじゃねぇから！皆そうだろ」

「義務感 ; gimukan」-> sense of duty (obligation) 「で ; de」-> with; by 「来た ; kita」-> came 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「じゃねえ ; janee」-> isn’t 「から ; kara」-> because; so  (used to change the other person’s thoughts etc.) 「皆 ; mina」-> everyone 「そう ; sou」-> so; that way 「だろ ; daro」-> right?

= “I didn’t come out of a sense of duty! Everyone is that way, right?”

Usually, a second phrase would follow up the kara, but can also be left out when the meaning of that second phrase is implied enough. Since Fuyumi said Shouto didn’t have to come (if he didn’t want to, didn’t feel comfortable etc.) there is an implication that perhaps he only showed up because he felt like that was expected of him. Ending his clarification of “I didn’t come because I felt obligated” with kara “so” the implied follow up would be along the lines of “don’t worry”, which then gets wrapped up suggesting that all of them are showing up not because they feel pressured to do so, but because they want to visit Touya - since they basically just went around in a circle letting each other know they didn’t have to come if they don’t want to.

「会話は可能ですが一日に��分が限界です」

「会話 ; kaiwa」-> conversation 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「可能 ; kanou」-> possible 「です ; desu」-> to be 「が ; ga」-> but 「一日 ; ichi nichi」-> one day 「に ; ni」-> at; in 「数分 ; suufun」-> a few minutes 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「限界 ; genkai」-> limit 「です ; desu」-> to be

= “Conversations are possible, but a few minutes a day is the limit.”

I’m not sure how long Touya has been in here, but this line indicates that the staff members have been talking to him and I’d be curious to know what those conversations were like. What did they talk about? What kind of attitude did he give them? What was his reaction when he first regained consciousness? These are the questions we want answered, but alas, the Todoroki family plot simply isn’t about him. All the way to the bitter end it shall remain focusing on the most underrepresented group of them all: rich middle-aged men.

「緩やかに死へと向かっている…それが今の轟燈矢です」

「緩やかに ; yuruyakani」-> slowly 「死 ; shi」-> death 「へと ; e to」-> towards 「向かっている ; mukatteiru」-> to face; to head toward 「れ ; sore」-> that 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「今 ; ima」-> now; current 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「轟燈矢 ; todoroki touya」-> Touya Todoroki 「です ; desu」-> to be

= “Slowly heading towards death… that is the current Touya Todoroki.”

The particle e is a directional particle that can be translated as “toward”. Adding the particle to after it adds an emotional emphasis to the part that follows the to particle as opposed to just stating a fact, there is sympathy in this claim.

As for the claim itself - I know that a lot of people are convinced he is going to die because look! Random nameless character #47AAB7 said so, it must be true! But to be honest, I’m not even going to entertain that thought because despite all the criticism I have for this story, Horikoshi isn’t that bad of a writer. If he had wanted Touya dead, he could’ve easily killed him at the end of the last war. It makes zero sense for him to be saved and then pass away quietly and peacefully in a hospital (or whatever that place is).

Even if we were to say that Shouto managed to save him emotionally, so that counts as a win! It’s kind of a shit win if the only difference is that you now get to die “at peace”, which also could’ve been accomplished on the battlefield. At this point, it’s just inefficient and therefore, him dying at this point is not going to happen.

「........ぞろぞろと」

「ぞろぞろ ; zorozoro」-> in droves; swarming 「と ; to」-> adds emphasis

= “....In droves”

Zorozoro is used to describe several beings (can be humans or animals) that appear or move together like a swarm. This certainly is the first time the entire family is together, so it’s not surprising the rare sight is being pointed out in a joking manner, although he undoubtedly means this in a positive way as it contradicts his prior belief of no one in his family caring about him or missing him.

The fact that, upon first waking up after his coma as a teenager his immediate thought was to return and apologize, and now after ten years he finally gets the chance to talk to them and what is the first thing coming out of his mouth? Calling them a swarm. Forever and always the most relatable character.

「ハハ…観光名所じゃねぇんだよ........」

「ハハ ; haha」-> haha 「観光名所 ; kankoumeisho」-> tourist attraction; sightseeing spot 「じゃねぇ ; janee」-> isn’t 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle

= “Haha… It’s not a tourist attraction, right?”

If he was a tourist attraction, Hori better drop the location right now. Please. For research purposes or whatever.

「燈矢」

「燈矢 ; touya」-> Touya

= “Touya.”

「今後の話をしに来たんだ燈矢」

「今後 ; kongo」-> from now on 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「話 ; hanashi」-> talk, conversation 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「しに来た ; shi ni kita」-> came to do sth 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「燈矢 ; touya」-> Touya

= “I came to talk about the future, Touya.”

Kongo literally means “after now” or in other words, the future.

「俺はヒーローを引退するよ」

「俺 ; ore」-> I  「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「ヒーロー ; hiirou」-> hero 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「引退する ; intai suru」-> to retire 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle

= “I am retiring from being a Hero.”

He says as though he has a choice. This is also one of those “This could’ve been an email” kinds of lines.

「元より戦いが終わったらそうするつもりだったが 最早自力で立つことすらままならん」

「元より ; moto yori」-> all along; from the first 「戦い ; tatakai」-> war 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「終わったら ; owattara」-> when it ended 「そう ; sou」-> so; that way 「する ; suru」-> to do 「つもり ; tsumori」-> to plan 「だった ; datta」-> was 「が ; ga」-> but 「最早 ; mohaya」-> already; no longer 「自力 ; jiriki」-> one’s own strength 「で ; de」-> with 「立つ ; tatsu」-> to stand 「こと ; koto 」-> nominalizes prior word/phrase 「すら ; sura」-> even 「ままならん ; mama naran」-> beyond one’s control; unable to do as one wishes

= “Since after the first war ended, I decided to do so, but I not I am not even able to stand on my own anymore.”

Mamanaru combines the words mama “as it is; as one likes” and naranai “to be unable to” to create a word that describes that something is beyond one’s control, one is unable to do as they wish or something is not going the way one wants it to. In other words, a great word to sum up Endeavor’s entire life story.

The way he continuously takes over conversations that are supposed to be about the entire family - aka his victims - and makes it about himself while pitying himself - in front of his victims - never fails to impress me. At least he is consistent I guess, but it would have been great to see him actually change in the end. Surely he is done, oh no, nevermind, he keeps talking- 

「ヒーローエンデヴァーは焼かれて死んだ

おまえの炎は誰よりも強かった」

「ヒーロー ; hiirou」-> hero 「エンデヴァー ; endevaa」-> Endeavo 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「焼かれて ; yakarete」-> burned 「死んだ ; shinda」-> died 「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「炎 ; honoo」-> flame 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「誰 ; dare」-> anyone 「よりも ; yorimo」-> more than 「強かった ; tsuyokatta」-> was strong

= “The hero Endeavor was burned and died. Your flames were stronger than anyone else’s.”

「そっか　ご愁傷様　事が済んでから諂うなよ…卑怯者…」

「そっか ; sokka」-> I see 「ご愁傷様 ; goshuushousama」-> my condolences 「事 ; koto」-> things; matter 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「済んでから」-> after it ended (済む + てから) 「諂う ; hetsurau」-> to flatter; to suck up to; to carry favour 「な ; na」-> na (negative command form) 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「卑怯者 ; hikyoumono」-> coward

= “I see. My condolences. Don’t suck up to me after it’s over… coward…”

Here is my beef with the official translation: they keep making Touya say the most random words and phrases, but then don’t make him say “don’t curry favour”?? “Don’t be toady”?? “Don’t be toady, Todoroki” would go so hard… wait… you know what… Here’s a little extra from me to you:

Back to business:

「そうだな　燈矢は誰のことをよくわかってる　ずっと見てたんだもんな」

「そう ; sou」-> so; that way 「だ ; da」-> be 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「燈矢 ; touya」-> Touya 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「誰 ; dare」-> anyone 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「こと ; koto 」-> nominalizes prior word/phrase 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「よく ; yoku」-> well 「わかってる ; wakatteru」-> to understand 「ずっと ; zutto」-> continuously 「見てた ; miteta」-> was watching 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「もん ; mon」-> because; indicates reason 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

= “That’s right, isn’t it. You know everyone so well. Because you have been watching continuously.”

「俺に見てほしかったんだもんな

なのに見なかった…」

「俺 ; ore」-> I  「に ; ni」-> at 「見てほしかった ; mitehoshikatta」-> wanted me to look 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle 「もん ; mon」-> because; indicates reason 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「なのに ; nanoni」-> and yet; despite that 「見なかった ; minakatta」-> didn’t look

= “You wanted me to look, right? Despite that I didn’t look…”

If I didn’t know any better I would say this was a conversation with a toddler. I usually like to point out that Horikoshi really nails the sibling experience, but he is also, unfortunately, really good at accurately writing how privileged middle-aged men talk. A mangaka of many talents, but at what cost?

「俺はお父さんの子どもなんだから」

「俺 ; ore」-> I  「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「お父さん ; otousan」-> dad 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「子ども ; kodomo」-> child 「なんだ ; nanda」-> explanatory particle 「から ; kara」-> because; so

= “Because I am dad’s child.”

「おまえはエンデヴァーじゃない！！」

「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「エンデヴァー ; endevaa」-> Endeavor 「じゃない ; janai」-> isn’t

= ”You aren’t Endeavor!!”

Yes. That’s why we love him.

「誰が何と言おうと........　おまえの炎（ねつ）は俺のヘルフレイムだ

あの告発映像を毎日見続けている」

「誰 ; dare」-> someone 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「何と ; nanto」-> what 「言うと ; iou to」-> to try to say 「おまえ ; omae」-> you 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「炎 ; honoo」-> flames 「ねつ ; netsu」-> heat; rage; mania 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「俺 ; ore」-> I  「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「ヘルフレイム ; herufureimu」-> Hell Flame 「だ ; da」-> be 「あの ; ano」-> that 「告発 ; kokuhatsu」-> complaint; prosecution 「映像 ; eizou」-> footage 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「毎日 ; mainichi」-> every day 「見続けている ; mitsuzuketeiru」-> continue to watch

= “Whatever people try to say… Your flames (rage) are my Hellflame. I’ve continuously watched your prosecution video every day.”

This wouldn’t be a translation breakdown if we didn’t have a case of the furigana don’t match the kanji! Essentially what this means is that the furigana - written in brackets - show what the character says out loud, while the kanji shows what the character means. This time, when we get the kanji for flames in the second sentence, the furigana read netsu, which can meat “heat”, but also refer to “rage” or “mania” and since flames are hot, “heat” wouldn’t make it necessary to opt for a different reading, hence Endeavor is saying that the rage of Dabi was, in fact, Endeavor’s Hellflame.

「おどお゙さん見で」

「おどお゙さん ; odoosan」-> dad 「見で ; mide」-> look

= “Dad, look”

You might notice that the words are spelled differently from the normal otousan and mite. Softening the t sounds to a d sound highlights the difficulties he has speaking while being on fire. In addition to the softened t to d, the u also gets changed into an o with dakuten (the two lines on top), which only exist for the sounds that can become softer (t->d, h->b, k->g, s->j), which can’t be done to a vowel like o. In this case, the dakuten suggests that the o is said with emotion and somehow stands out from how it would be said normally.

「これからー」

「これから ; korekara」-> from now on

= “From now on-”

「毎日来る　話をしよう」

「毎日 ; mainichi」-> every day 「来る ; kuru 」-> to come 「話 ; hanashi」-> talk; conversation; chat 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「しよう ; shiyou」-> let’s do/have

= “I will come every day. Let’s talk.”

「あまりに遅すぎたけれど話そう」

「あまりに; amari ni」-> too much; overly 「遅すぎた ; ososugita」-> was too late 「けれど ; keredo」-> however 「話そう ; hanasou」-> let’s talk

= “I was much too late, but let’s talk.”

Both amari ni and adding -sugiru to the stem of a verb can be translated as “too much” and in combination place an additional emphasis on the verb, in this case, being late, which could be referencing anything from the specific instances he showed up to too late (i.e. when Touya set himself on fire on Sekoto Peak) or in a more general sense him trying to show up as a father too late (the only example would be showing up in the hospital here and the fact he has retired and plans on protecting the family from facing any consequences for all of this, although even that is still more the bare minimum of making up for his mistakes rather than being a father but I doubt he understands the difference).

「心拍数上昇これ以上は負担が」

「心拍数 ; shinpakusuu」-> heart rate 「上昇 ; joushou」-> rising; ascending 「これ以上 ; kore ijou」 - > any more; any further; any longer 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「負担 ; futan」-> burden, load 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle

= “His heart rate is rising. Any more will (be) a burden.”

The ga would normally be followed by a verb (in this case most likely kakaru = to put), but is being omitted here as the meaning can be understood regardless.

「冷　夏雄　冬美　焦凍が…　残してくれた時間で話そう」

「冷 ; rei」-> Rei 「夏雄 ; natsuo」-> Natsuo 「冬美 ; fuyumi」-> Fuyumi 「焦凍 ; shouto」-> Shouto 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「残してくれた」-> reserved for us (残す+くれる) 「時間 ; jikan」-> time 「で ; de」-> with 「話そう ; hanasou」-> let’s talk

= “Rei, Natsuo, Fuyum. Let’s talk with the time Shouto reserved for us.

Adding -tekureta after nokosu implies that someone did a favor for the speaker. Here, it means that Shouto reserved the time to talk to Touya for them.

「憎いなら…憎いと　なんでもいい　ぶつけてくれ…！」

「憎い ; nikui」-> hateful 「なら ; nara」-> if 「憎い ; nikui」-> hateful 「と ; to」-> speech particle 「なんでもいい ; nandemo ii」-> anything is fine; it doesn’t matter what 「ぶつけてくれ ; butsuketekure」-> throw it at me

= “If you hate me… hate me. Anything is fine, throw it at me…!!”

「燈矢兄私も…！」

「燈矢兄 ; touya nii」-> Touya-Nii 「私 ; watashi」-> I 「も ; mo」-> also; too

= “Touya-nii, me too…!”

「話したい事たくさんあるの」

「話したい ; hanashitai」-> want to talk 「事 ; koto」-> things 「たくさん ; takusan」-> a lot 「ある ; aru」-> to be 「の ; no」-> explanatory particle

= “There are a lot of things I want to talk about.”

This is about him getting piercings and dying his hair isn’t it. Maybe even taking off his shirt on live TV in front of the entire country. If only we could see that conversation…

「今日は止めにしましょう！！また明日にでも…」

「今日 ; kyou」-> today 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「止めにしましょう , yame ni shimashou」-> let’s stop 「また ; mata」-> again 「明日 ; asu」-> tomorrow 「に ; ni」-> at 「でも ; demo」-> or something

= “Let’s stop for today!! (You can come back) tomorrow or something…”

「最後に一ついいですか　聞きたかったことあるんだ」

「最後 ; saigo」-> final 「に ; ni」-> at 「一つ ; hitotsu」-> one 「いい ; ii」-> good 「です ; desu」-> to be 「か ; ka」-> question marker particle 「聞きたかった」-> wanted to ask 「こと ; koto」-> thing 「ある ; aru」-> to be 「んだ ; nda」-> explanatory particle

= “Can I (ask) one last thing? Because there is one thing I wanted to ask.”

The first panel or first sentence ends in the polite form using desu ka as he is asking the employee for permission to ask one more question. The second panel or sentence, on the other hand, is casual as it ends in da, so without even waiting to receive an answer from the employee, he instantly goes to directly address Touya-nii for this extremely important question.

「燈矢兄　好きな食べ物何？」

「燈矢兄 ; touya nii」-> Touya-Nii 「好きな ; suki」-> to like 「食べ物 ; tabemono」-> food 「何 ; nani」-> what

= “Touya-nii. What’s your favorite food?”

Everybody liked that. It was really great when the spoilers came out and as soon as Shouto said he wanted to ask Touya something everyone instantly knew what the question was going to be. Also a lot of pressure for Touya. Wrong answer and his little brother can pull the plug. 

「......体力の限界ですね今日は眠らせてまた…」

「体力 ; tairyoku」-> stamina; endurance 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「限界 ; genkai」-> limit 「です ; desu」-> to be 「ね ; ne」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「今日 ; kyou」-> today 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「眠らせて ; nemurasete」-> to let someone sleep 「また ; mata」-> again

= “This is the limit, isn’t it. Let’s let him sleep again for today.”

「蕎麦」

「蕎麦 ; soba」-> soba

= “Soba.”

These lines are always my favorite to break down. It’s not easy translating such complex phrases so please recognize the years of studying it took to be able to perfectly translate this kind of high-level sentence. Thank you.

I can only imagine him going back to his classmates, looking at Bakugo and saying: “You were wrong. It’s soba.”

「おんなじだ」

「おんなじ ; onnaji」-> same 「だ ; da」-> be

= “It’s the same.”

Usually, the word same is written as 同じ and read as onaji. In itself, these two spellings have the same meaning, however, the more standard onaji would be used in the sense of something or a situation being exactly the same, for example attending the same school as someone or facing the same problem. Onnaji, on the other hand, indicates something has very similar properties and is used more in the sense of the same color, taste etc, which is why this spelling has a bit more emotion associated with it.

So Shouto is saying that it’s the same, but he says so with emotion. Rather than stating a fact, them having the same food holds meaning to him. 

「これ以上は平行線だ　交わるよ　無理にでも」

「これ以上 ; kore ijou」-> from here on; any further 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「平行線 ; heikousen」-> remaining far apart; not reaching an agreement 「だ ; da」-> be 「交わる ; majiwaru」-> to cross; to mingle with 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「無理に ; muri ni」-> forcible; forced 「でも ; demo」-> even

= “From here on it’s parallel lines. I will cross, even if by force.”

「焦凍…　ごめんな…」

「焦凍 ; shouto」-> Shouto 「ごめん ; gomen」-> I‘m sorry 「な ; na」-> used to say something emotionally

= “Shouto… I’m sorry…”

If only… Shouto had heard this… and they could’ve talked about this… that would be crazy, right? No, why don’t we focus on the main character again, instead of getting a conversation the entire story has been building up to.

「俺はここまでだわ　悪いけど気持ち変わんない　俺はもう付き合わない」

「俺 ; ore」-> I  「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「ここ ; koko」-> here 「まで ; made」-> until 「だ ; da」-> be 「わ ; wa」-> 「悪い ; warui」-> sorry 「けど ; kedo」-> but 「気持ち ; kimochi」-> feelings 「変わんない ; kawannai」-> unchanged 「俺 ; ore」-> I  「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「もう ; mou」-> already 「付き合わない ; tsukiawanai」-> don’t associate with

= “For me it’s (ending) here. I’m sorry, but my feelings haven’t changed. I won’t associate with you anymore.”

The particle wa is used when reflecting one’s view toward a situation after coming to a conclusion. There is a nuance of confidently affirming the phrase or regretting the situation, depending on the tone, which we don’t have here, but this reads more as a confident statement than one of regret, although it might just be a little bit of both.

「ああ」

「ああ ; aa」-> Ah

= “Ah.”

「彼女と籍入れたい　式は挙げない紹介もしない」

「彼女 ; kanojo」-> girlfriend 「と ; to」-> with 「籍入れたい ; seki iretai」-> to get married; to want to have a name entered in the family register 「式 ; shiki」-> (wedding) ceremony 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「挙げない ; agenai」-> to conduct 「紹介 ; shoukai」-> introduction 「も ; mo」-> also 「しない ; shinai」-> won’t do

= “I want to enter the family register with my girlfriend. We won’t conduct a ceremony and I also won’t introduce you.”

Normally, to talk about marriage or getting married you would use the word kekkon (suru). Here, Natsuo specifically uses the term “to enter in the family registry.” While these two words can be used to mean the same thing (= getting married), entering the family registry differs in that one person enters an already existing family registry rather than creating a new one upon marriage, which is why this can also be used for when a child gets adopted by a step-parent or if a child takes on their other parent’s last name after a divorce.

Again, this can just be treated as a synonym for getting married, but it might also be to emphasize this as an act of removing himself from his father rather than an act of love. It surely feels like an odd time to be thinking of marriage, with the current situation not having him in the right mental or emotional state for such a big step to be smart (he already did the whole “cutting my hair during a crisis” so he should follow that with dying his hair or something else that is going to affect his life less than marriage).

Let’s face it: had he said this while they were with Touya, his big bro’s heart monitor would have gone crazy before he would have broken out of that machine to talk some sense into his little brother.

Also, not to insult Natsuo because he is very sweet, but I just have to mention the irony of him getting married as a means to solve his issues when that was also his dad’s first step. It’s obviously different, but still worth pointing out.

「ああ…分かったな」

「ああ ; aa」-> Ah 「分かった ; wakatta」-> understood 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation

= “Ah, I get it.”

「姉ちゃんは？仕事やめたんだろ？」

「姉ちゃん ; neechan」-> big sister 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「仕事 ; shigoto」-> job 「やめた ; yameta」-> to quit 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「だろ ; daro」-> right

= “What about you, big sis? You left your job, right?”

I do like the symbolism of him standing in the middle of the street, ready to use the crosswalk, while the rest of the family remain on the side of the road, but I am also worried he is going to get hit by a car.

「うんでも　生徒のお母さんが新しい職場紹介してくれてねサポートしてくれるって」

「うん ; un」-> yeah 「でも ; demo」-> but 「生徒 ; seito」-> student 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「お母さん ; okaasan」-> mom 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「新しい ; atarashii」-> new 「職場 ; shokuba」-> workplace 「紹介してくれて ; shoukai shitekurete」-> introduced me (as a favor) 「ね ; ne」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「サポートしてくれる ; sapooto shitekureru」-> support (as a favor) 「って ; tte」-> quoting particle (casual of という)

= “Yeah, but the mom of a student introduced me to a new workplace. So she’s being supportive.”

Similar to before, the -tekurete suggests that this introduction as well as the support is seen as a favor.

「........正直責任は果たしたと思う　罰も受けたと思う…もういいんじゃねーの？」

「正直 ; shoujiki」-> honestly; frankly 「責任 ; sekinin」-> duty 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「果たした ; hatashita」-> accomplished; carried out 「と思う ; to omou」-> to think 「罰 ; batsu」-> punishment 「も ; mo」-> too 「受けた ; uketa」-> received 「と思う ; to omou」-> to think 「もういい ; mou ii」-> that’s enough 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「じゃねー ; janee」-> isn’t 「のか ; noka-> question marker particle seeking an explanation

= “Frankly, I think we’ve fulfilled our responsibilities. I think we already received our punishment. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

This line has gotten some negative attention as fan translations have this line directed toward Endeavor, whereas the official English translation has this line be directed toward the entire family. As you can see in the breakdown above, there is no explicit human subject in this sentence to clarify who is being addressed here, in addition to the fact that he has his back turned to us readers with no indication as to who he is looking at.

However, the last person he directly addressed was Fuyumi, who was also the one speaking right before this line. Furthermore, the next line is Endeavor saying that he will ensure to take the blame and whatnot from here on out so that they do not need to face any more consequences for this.

With that being said, to me this reads as him talking to the family, specifically as a response to Fuyumi suggesting that her former student’s mother introducing her to a new workplace and supporting her is somewhat of a favor. While we don’t know exactly why she left her job, there is still a suggestion that this situation has impacted her negatively and that people showing support is somehow worth noting. And yes, Japan has a culture of blaming the entire family when a family member commits a crime, however, Natsuo’s line then seems somewhat frustrated at this, feeling as though they all already faced consequences (like Fuyumi leaving her job), and that they shouldn’t have to face consequences for the rest of their lives, let alone feel overly grateful for any person that still treats them as individuals rather than an accomplice for something they had nothing to do with.

Overall, this line reads more like he wants them to be able to move past this, rather than have this now haunt them after they have already been struggling their whole lives by growing up in the Todoroki household.

「犯した罪の賠償と謝罪を一生をかけて続けていく

見ていなくていい子どもたち（おまえたち）に降りかかる火の粉をできる限り俺が受け止める　生き延びた意味があるとすればそれだけなんだ」

「犯した ; okashita」-> committed 「罪 ; tsumi」-> crime; sin 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「賠償 ; baishou」-> compensation; reparations 「と ; to」-> with 「謝罪 ; shazai」-> apology 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「一生 ; issho」-> whole life 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「かけて ; kakete」-> make; put out 「続けていく ; tsuzuketeiku 」->to continue from now on (続ける+いく) 「見ていなくて ; mitenakute」-> not looking 「いい ; ii」-> good; okay 「子どもたち ; kodomotachi」-> children 「おまえたち ; omaetachi」-> you (plural) 「に ; ni」-> to 「降りかかる ; furikakaru」-> to happen; to befall 「火の粉 ; hi no ko」-> sparks 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「できる ; dekiru」-> to be able to 「限り ; kagiri」-> limit; degree 「俺 ; ore」-> I  「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「受け止める ; uketomeru」-> to catch; to stop the blow 「生き延びた ; ikinobita」-> survived; lived long 「意味 ; imi」-> meaning 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「ある ; aru」-> to exist 「とすれば ; to sureba」-> then; if so; if 「それだけ ; soredake」-> that much; to that extent; only that 「なんだ ; nanda」-> explanatory particle

= “From here on out I will continue to make reparations and apologize for my committed crimes for my whole life. I will catch as much of the sparks that fall on you kids who don’t have to watch. If there is any meaning in my survival, it is just that.”

Again, he says “you” but means “children”. The miteinakute ii is used to say that “it’s okay not to watch”, in other words he does not expect them to keep in touch with him or anything along those lines.

The -teiku after tsuzukeru is used to imply that something will continue from this moment forward. While he didn't make up for his mistakes, from now on he will.

「........地獄だぞ」

「地獄 ; jigoku」-> hell 「だ ; da」-> be 「ぞ ; zo」-> emphasizes the speaker’s will or opinion; can be inviting to the listener

= “........It’s hell.”

「ああダンスの誘いを受けたんでな」

「ああ ; aa」-> Ah 「ダンス ; dansu」-> dance 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「誘い ; sasoi」-> invitation 「を ; o」-> direct object marker 「受けた ; uketa」-> to accept 「んでな ; ndena」-> explanatory particle

= “Ah, I did accept the dance invitation.”

「…初めてだよ　お父さんの事　かっこいいって思えたの」

「初めて ; hajimete」-> first time  「だ ; da」-> be 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「お父さん ; otousan」-> dad 「の ; no」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe 「事 ; koto」-> nominalizes prior word/phrase 「かっこいい ; kakkoii」-> cool 「って思えた ; tte omoeta」-> to seem; to appear 「の ; no」-> explanatory particle

= “It was the first time that you seemed cool.”

 Natsuo has called Endeavor by many (disrespectful) names. This is the first time he calls him by the standard/polite term for father. This is not to say that he likes him now. With the whole marriage talk in mind, this feels more like him letting go of his feelings for a second to make a somewhat neutral statement. Neutral in the sense of being able to recognize and view something his dad has done in a positive light rather than letting his feelings completely take over his judgment.

「焦凍は？学校戻るんだろ？」

「焦凍 ; shouto」-> Shouto 「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「学校 ; gakkou」-> school 「戻る ; modoru」-> to return to 「ん ; n」-> explanatory particle 「だろ ; daro」-> I think; right?

= “What about you, Shouto? You’re returning to school, right?”

「うん」

「うん ; un」-> yeah

= “Yeah.” 

「乗ってけよ姉ちゃんも」　

「乗ってけ ; notteke」-> I’ll give you a ride 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「姉ちゃん ; neechan」-> big sis  「も ; mo」-> also; too

= “I’ll give you a ride. Nee-chan, too.”

「ありがとう」

「ありがとう ; arigatou」-> thanks

= “Thanks.”

「親父　お母さん　俺にはA組（みんな）いるから大丈夫だよ！　俺は自分でなりてえようになれるから！」

「親父 ; oyaji」-> dad 「お母さん ; okaasan」-> mom 「俺 ; ore」-> I  「には ; niwa」-> as for 「A組 ; e gumi」-> class A  「みんな ; minna」-> everyone  「いる ; iru」-> to be  「から ; kara」-> therefore  「大丈夫 ; daijoubu」-> alright  「だ ; da」-> be 「よ ; yo」-> emphasis particle 「俺 ; ore」-> I  「は ; wa」-> topic marker particle 「自分 ; jibun」-> myself  「で ; de」-> with 「なりてえ ; naritee」-> want to become (casual of naritai)  「ようになれる ; you ni nareru」-> to reach the point where; to come to; to begin to 「から ; kara」-> because; so

= “Dad, mom. I’ll be okay because of Class A (everyone). I can reach the point of being what I want to be!”

Just like before we get furigana that differ from the kanji. Shouto says that he will be alright because everyone is there, but he specifically means Class A when he says that.

「地獄でも」

「地獄 ; jigoku」-> hell  「でも ; demo」-> even though

= “Even though it’s hell.”

「おーう早かったな！！大丈夫だったかあ！？」

「おーう ; ou」-> Ooh 「早かった ; hayakatta」-> early 「な ; na」-> sentence ending particle; used to seek confirmation 「大丈夫 ; daijoubu」-> alright 「だった ; datta」-> was 「かあ ; kaa」-> question marker particle

= “Oh, you’re early! Was it alright!?”

「おなかすいた」

「おなかすいた ; onaka suita」-> I’m starving

= “I’m starving.”

「見てる人がいる」

「見てる ; miteru」-> looking 「人 ; hito」-> person 「が ; ga」-> subject marker particle 「いる ; iru」-> to be

= “There is someone who is watching.”

Me. I’m the one watching. But at what cost? The family’s two most used words have got to be “hell” and “to look” . Someone please teach them some more words.

That concludes the Todoroki family interaction in this chapter and supposedly for the story (everyone disliked that). Personally, this does not read as a conclusion so I am going to just treat this as the beginning of the conclusion, instead. And perhaps the final in the sense of the whole family not getting together anymore because Natsuo isn’t going to be around Endeavor anymore.

Personally, my biggest issue with this chapter is the fact that while it’s called final and set up as though the family and we finally get closure by everyone reuniting with Touya, it’s just another episode of self-pitying with a grown-ass man that has still not changed or understood anything despite everything. Yes, he finally managed to talk to Touya, to apologize and acknowledge both Touya’s pain as well as his own accountability in the entire affair. However, the rest of the family could have been left out of this chapter entirely since they said nothing other than “we have lots to talk about” which is obviously a beginning, but I’m sure we all have been waiting patiently to get an actual conversation not just hear them say that they want to talk at a later point, which we then won't ever get to see.

The soba part is amazing, of course, but it could and should have played a bigger role in this chapter.

People have been expressing various opinions in regards to the family’s current situation and their future, though - again - it would be great to see more of that because this chapter only briefly touched on various interesting points and then didn’t explore these points more because if there is one thing this world needs more is privileged people whining about how hard their life is and the many sacrifices they have had to make (= barely facing consequences).

That being said, we’ll see what the final 4 chapters will offer and whether we will see the Todoroki family make another appearance.

And no, Touya won’t die.

[kissohee]

im not sure if this makes sense but😭 can you do things boynextdoor would say in bed🤭🤭

hi nonie! this ask took me wayyy too long to answer and im so sorry, asks like these really struggle to get the gears in my brain moving.

sungho ☆ i don't think sungho say's much during sex, let alone even making any sort of noise. maybe a little, "that's it, my love," when you're cumming but that's a maybe. riwoo ☆ he's a big "i love you," guy. he chants it a lot in a very soft voice, especially when nearing orgasms. you know he's close when he just starts babbling, "i love you, i love you, i love you so much, etc etc." jaehyun ☆ "please." that's all. just please. over and over again. he doesn't know what he's pleading for, but it's all he knows what to say when his head is foggy. taesan ☆ "how does that feel?" taesan always needs reassurance that what he's doing feels good to not only him but you as well, so he constantly asks questions. "does that feel good?" is on the same level. leehan ☆ leehan is another one that doesn't strike me as someone who speaks a lot during sex, i think the most he'd say is "fuck,, that feels good,," specifically only when getting head.

[mrkis]

nct dream reaction :: you flash them

REQUESTED? 〚YES✗〛/ 〚NO〛 ⟶ nct dream reaction to you flashing them during arguments ;)

AN: it was kinda tricky writing every reaction as arguments so i changed a few of them!!! sorry abt that nonie, hopefully you still like them.

MARK

you tell him he works to hard, he says he doesn't work hard enough. you tell him he needs a break, he says he needs to finish practicing first. you tell him he needs to relax, he says there's no time. as much as you love your deeply dedicated boyfriend, he was too stupid to listen to anything else when it came to his work. you can see the bags under his eyes, how slightly sluggish his movements are when he's coming to the end of dancing and the way his eyes flutter shut for a brief moment before snapping open again, resuming in what he was doing. he was exhausted, and you wasn't going to watch him torture himself any longer. you tap his shoulder to get his attention and the second he turns around to give you another excuse on why he should be working, you flip your shirt up, showing him your bare chest before dropping it back down, not even bothering to see if anyone else was looking.

"i..." mark stutters, throat bobbing as he gulps. he staggers over his feet as he takes a step towards you, his hands coming out to rest on your hips, fingers gripping tightly. "i uh, i think i can take that break now"

RENJUN

renjun is violently shaking his head, shoving his fingers into his ears as he refuses to listen to you, ignoring you like a child. you've been arguing for the past five minutes about your best friend who wanted to meet up with you and renjun but renjun declines, claiming how she is horrible and he doesn't like her. you're aware of the hateful relationship they have and you were happy when you found out that she was willing to make amends with renjun for your sake, but he wasn't having it, refusing to give her the time of day and you the attention as he shuts you out, staring blankly at the wall in front. you groan in annoyance, almost clawing out your hair until you think of a way to regain his attention, stepping out in front of him and unclipping your bra beneath your shirt before lifting it up to flash him your breasts. his eyes zone in on you almost instantly, hands dropping from his ears to rest in his lap, taking in your appearance.

"okay, lets make a deal" renjun starts and you listen carefully. "i'll go make amends with your dumbass of a friend if you promise me that i can cum on your tits later"

"deal"

JENO

in your defence, you didn't really realise how short your skirt actually was. it's pretty and you felt even prettier in it so you didn't care about the length in that moment in time. you continue on with your day as normal, running errands and finishing chores that had to be done, even meeting up with your girl friends for a coffee before meeting up with jeno and the members at the dorms. the boys greet you as usual, some giving you a nod of acknowledgement while others spoke. jeno meets you halfway across the room for a hug and a kiss to your cheek, a hand coming down to sneakily pinch your butt which makes you gasp in surprise and drop your purse. you scold at him, punching his shoulder jokingly as you turn to pick up your purse but you yelp in surprise when you feel jeno's hands urgently reach out to tug the bottom of your skirt a little too forcefully, causing you tumble backwards into his chest as his arms circle around your waist to catch you.

"your skirt" jeno mumbles in your ear before you can question him on what the hell was that about and you turn your head, looking at him confused. "you just... you're wearing lace. the black ones. did you do this on purpose, baby?"

HAECHAN

the argument between you both escalated a little too quickly and over something so stupid and small. haechan always liked it when you wore his clothes and obviously, you thought nothing of it when you slipped on his dark red and yellow striped sweater to start your day. but the minute haechan into the room to see you in that specific sweater, hell broke loose. he was pouting, whining like a baby at the thought of you potentially ruining his precious sweater that he bought not long ago, stating how he was going to take it away with him on his trip with the members in a few days.

"fine!" you huff, already tired of his whining as you yank the material over your head and lob it in his direction, standing bare chested in the bedroom. haechan's mouth drops in shock, dropping the sweater to the floor without a care in the world as he stares at your breasts.

JAEMIN

the embarrassment that rushed through your body when you tried to take off your hoodie only for it to get caught around your head with your shirt was unbelievable. you wanted the ground to open up and immediately swallow you whole, especially when you can hear jaemin chuckling from somewhere in front of you at the sight of your boobs on display. you internally curse at yourself for not wearing a bra, but you were in the comfort of your own home, there wasn't any need. you try to unstuck yourself but it was no use, your body slumping in defeat. jaemin's hands reach out to help, pulling the shirt down to cover your modesty before pulling the hoodie over your head to see the pout on your face.

"it's nothing i haven't seen before..." he whispers, trying to reassure you as his thumb grazes over the hardened nub that pokes through the shirt and you shoot him a glare. he grins, "you know that i prefer you naked"

CHENLE

you rub your temples frustratingly at the tone of chenle's voice, gaining a headache from the pathetic argument you both are having. he's fired up over a recent basketball game that he lost to sungchan and even though you tried to console him, he only got louder and more whiney, blaming sungchan's height on his victory and you made the silly choice to say maybe sungchan's win was based on luck, which made chenle almost combust. so you did the one thing that would get chenle to quiet down and you lift your shirt with a deadpanned expression, watching as his face slowly crumbles and his words die down.

"hey!" chenle screeches as you flash him your bare chest, pointing at you incredulously and you shrug your shoulders, dropping your shirt back down with a pleased smile. chenle scoffs, shaking his heads as his fingers rush down to the drawstring on his sweatpants. "two can play at that game!!"

JISUNG

"don't you think that dress is sorta... revealing?" jisung tries to tell you, tugging the collar of his shirt awkwardly as he stares at the deep plunge v neck dress you're wearing, chewing his bottom lip worryingly at the thought of your boobs slipping out from the dress while you're in public. you pay him no mind, knowing how secure this dress is and how much faith you have in it as you shove your essentials into a purse, getting ready to leave. you both make your way to the front door and you slip your feet into your heels, bending over to fix the straps before you feel the material of the dress open a little wider than usual, your boob freely falling out and flashing jisung who internally panics as you fling up straight.

"i told you" jisung mutters, cheeks flushing a faint red as he helps shove your boob back into your dress, even going as far as placing his palms over your boobs so they don't fall out again. he blinks at you, offering a wary smile. "maybe a jacket would help?"

©mrkis

[storiesoflilies]

metanoia

synopsis: (n.) the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life. Or alternatively, the story of two souls who bond over drinking green tea. w.c: 17k (oops)

pairing: college!toji fushiguro x f!reader (noncurse!AU)

warnings: bucketloads of fluff and sprinkle of angst. descriptions of past bullying (toji didn’t have a nice childhood) SMUT, so minors please do not interact! nipple stimulation, p in v sex (it’s all rather romantic i must say), unprotected sex (these college students need to stop being so horny). a lovely little slow burn romance for the soul. swearing.

a/n: based on this request, and it’s finally here nonie!! a piece of my heart has been woven into this piece, so i hope everyone enjoys! to all my fellow STEM students, this one’s also for you <3 toji art by @/kakashismain, dividers by @/benkeibear. spotify playlist. ao3.

there was nothing else to do or say about fate, other than it was fixed. no matter how hard you might try to change it, she never believed it could be.

life was a series of scrawling numbers and greek letters, written by the hands of angels and god. it was never going to a straight line; rather, it was a scattered mess of ever-changing parabolas, dipping and rising above the axis like surfers on the waves of the sea.

but sometimes, just sometimes, you can hear what has been written about you. if she tuned into things really hard, and listened beyond the banal noises that came with the plane of existence all humans exist in, she could hear it. the scratching of a pen on paper, or perhaps a feather quill on a scroll? yes, that sounded more like it. she could hear the angels solving the puzzle they had been given to balance the equation of her life. things must be solved in a certain series of formulas to become a proven, tangible equation. the angels were still trying to prove her life, it seems, and it was quite simply astounding that they were still working so hard and figuring it out.

but the irrational part of her couldn’t help but think, what if they were bored? she could certainly understand; there were many times when she’d been made to solve trivial questions, such as calculating the speed of an aircraft, and she’d wished she could be anywhere but there in that moment. did the angels think that about her equation? would they ever get bored and just give up on her?

with that, the cold, beautiful reality that is life becomes apparent. none of it was personal, and she had to live it right up until the equation was balanced and the last drop of ink ran dry.

it was golden hour. that time of the day when the sun’s light softened, casting long shadows of buildings and trees across the pavement. warm honey rays filtered in through the window, refracting through the clear plastic display that showcased the traybakes of the day. the cafe was quiet now, just after the hustle and bustle of regular work hours. most of the patrons were university students, drawn to the cafe for its convenient location near the main campus, where they downed their coffees like it was a drug to be taken multiple times a day.

she couldn’t judge them; she was included in that typical student caliber too, but instead of drinking her weight in murky brown caffeine, she preferred it to be of the green kind. more specifically, a cup of green tea took her brainpower much farther than its more popular, teeth-staining counterpart. and the perks of working for the very same cafe?

every cup of it was free and unlimited use for her; something she took advantage of every single shift.

the job couldn’t be more perfect for her. although her shifts were daily, they were always scheduled during these quiet golden hours that extended into the stretch of moonlight, accommodating her university hours. choosing to study a degree in physics was certainly no joke, and she was grateful for any spare moment of peace to work on her assignments and reports. her manager never minded, leaving her to riddle away at her numbers, which went straight over their head, trusting her to still serve any customers coming in and close up the shop.

it was absolutely fine. a simple, predictable routine – an equation she was perfectly happy to solve every single day.

until it wasn’t so easy.

| Φ |

some time later that night, well after the sun had dipped below the horizon and the moon had finally peeked out from behind dusty grey clouds, the delicate bell above the doorway tinkled. it snapped her straight out of her trance, where she had been listening to the music of mathematical constants singing to her of defined, set values from the sheet of paper leaning against the wooden clipboard of ‘speciality beverages’.

it was him.

toji fushiguro.

the dark haired boy she had seen around campus, although he probably hadn’t noticed her flitting about between lectures; unusually quiet and unfairly attractive. the boy who obviously frequented the gym close by, and came here to her little cafe afterwards. that much was obvious from the way the wet strands of hair stuck to his forehead, the spicy smell of whatever body wash he used, and the all black attire he always wore. the very same same boy who she’d curiously asked about, only to be told that he kept to himself and didn’t really speak to anybody.

and she believed it. she had never seen him walking with anybody else, or even bringing anyone along to his daily study sessions at the cafe. the way he grimaced at loud, boisterous students, typical of their age group, told her enough. that toji fushiguro didn’t seem to like people very much, and was perfectly happy with not being liked in return.

“hello,” she meekly piped out, her voice barely above a squeak, because toji was quite an intimating figure. “what would you like?”

it was a silly question. she knew he would order his usual – green tea, just like her. but it was a question she asked regardless, just in case his routine equation had somehow changed. you never know, after all. perhaps the angels had miscalculated or wrote down a wrong number.

“green tea, please,” he grunted, not quite meeting her eyes. he then sauntered off to his usual table by the window, and began pulling out his study material from his canvas bag.

she was grateful for the simplicity; there was nothing worse than preparing an elaborate order in the quiet of the night and disturbing the peace. brewing green tea was something she knew like the back of her hand, easy and peaceful like breathing. she strained the herbs as she poured it into a delicate ceramic cup, which the cafe insisted on serving it in, and brought it over to him.

toji muttered a small thank you, and she politely smiled, even though he never once looked at her. walking back to her spot behind the counter, she placed the clipboard on her crossed legs, and resumed her musings. such was their routine, both of them in their respective worlds within the same plane that was the cafe, sipping their green tea and whittling away at their education.

she almost felt honored that of all the cafes open late into the night, this was the one he picked to come to. even if the bitter, realistic part of her insisted that it was only because it was conveniently close to the gym. still, their equations followed the exact same sequence of numbers at that time every day, and she found that positively wonderful.

it was nearing 10:30p.m. when she finally finished solving her report, and she guessed that toji was completely engrossed in whatever he was working on to not notice the time. he would have normally packed up his things by now, ordering one more cup of tea before heading off wherever it was he went to in the dead of night. probably back to his accommodation, because he just didn’t seem like the type to show up to late-night parties full of booze and sweat.

she didn’t know what to say, or how to say it. the logical part of her brain was overthinking everything because this just wasn’t the norm for them. toji was supposed to have packed his things, leave just the exact amount of money on the counter, and walk out without another word. she was considering not even saying anything at all, biding her time until he simply realized himself and walked out.

until her legs moved of their seemingly own accord, perhaps a result of the numbers being messily rubbed away and rewritten, straight towards him. he never even heard her; his black wired earbuds were firmly in his ears, and she wondered what sort of music it was that toji fushiguro listened to. she quickly tapped his shoulder, withdrawing her hand back to her side as quickly as she could. toji almost jumped out of his skin as he turned to acknowledge her.

“sorry,” she apologized, looking pointedly over at the clock on the wall above him. “but we’re closing soon.”

toji frowned, as if he didn’t really believe her, until he glanced at the digital clock on his laptop and jumped into action. “sorry,” he said rather awkwardly, hurriedly packing up his things as she stood at a respectful distance away.

“it’s no problem at all. please, take your time,” she replied as politely and delicately as she possibly could, looking away as he messily scraped his papers and notebooks into his bag.

his chair scraped uncomfortably across the floor, and he heaved his bag over his shoulder as he shoved a hand into his pocket, fishing for the exact change he needed. for a second, she thought, hoped, that he would hand it to her. but no, he almost jogged over to the counter and placed it right next to the black mug of green tea beside her clipboard.

toji paused, momentarily staring at her mug. she felt a flush of embarrassment, as if even he knew she wasn’t supposed to be drinking it out of a large mug. but he said nothing and rushed outside.

everything fell back into place, as according to the laws of the world, and seemed right again.

| Φ |

there was something inherently uncomfortable about contemplating the future.

as summer rapidly approached, with only about four months left of the semester, she found herself forced to confront equations she didn’t want to solve. it was during the night, when she should have been fast asleep, that she really tried to listen in on the angels scribbling away at her numbers. it was cheating really, an easy way out to hear the answers of what she was supposed to do. perhaps if the end of her final year wasn’t so dreadfully final, then it would have been easier to formulate her own answers.

well, they weren’t really her own, but anyway.

she was in her own little bubble tonight, absentmindedly sipping her tea and tapping her pen against the clipboard. she knew the answer to the problem at hand, some menial question about what angle a beam of light would reflect at, and so she could afford to daydream and listen to the music of the numbers singing in her head.

it was quite easy to imagine a picture being painted from the numbers. why bother calculating the angle when you could visualize the light bending instead? that was what mattered in the end, not just the face value of the number itself, but the tangible reality they represented. there was no point in scribbling away at the numbers if you couldn’t paint a picture in your mind of the light itself or feel the thumping of sound waves reverberating through the surrounding medium.

there was only her and toji in the cafe now. he’d breezed past her earlier on the way in straight to his seat, dumping his bag on the table with the air of a student who was beyond fed up with their lot. she knew what it looked like; she’d seen it too many times throughout the years and had been through that position herself.

she tried not to make it obvious she was looking at him, or admiring the way his arms moved in the tight compression shirt he wore, the way his wet hair was slightly slicked back today, and the way his annoyance sparked a beautiful flame of green in his eyes.

he looked over at her, and she quickly looked away.

dammit.

she heard his footsteps approaching her, but her embarrassment forced her not to look at him. instead, she focused heavily on pretending to be stuck on the paper in front of her.

“hey, uh, can i get a green tea, please?” he asked, his voice deep and undeniably addictive.

“yes, of course!” she replied swiftly, putting on her best customer service voice to shield her embarrassment as best as she possibly could.

toji shifted his feet from side to side, his hands in his pockets, and mumbled, “could i possibly have it in a mug, or something? it’s just… the teacups are really small.”

a deviation in the curve, an unexpected variable. she answered anyway, perhaps a little unsurely, “oh, sure, yeah. no problem at all. is this one fine?” she lifted her mug awkwardly off the table, and toji looked at it and nodded.

“yeah, that would be great. is it, uh, more expensive?” he asked, and the way he asked it made her heart ache, as if he was ashamed of having to in the first place.

she waved her hand at him, playing it off like a silly unnecessary question. “oh no, not at all. don’t worry about it.”

toji seemed visibly gladdened at this, the tension in his face releasing as his eyes brightened. he stood there, swinging on the balls of his feet, and she was quite surprised he was waiting for her to finish brewing the tea instead of bringing it over to him. she had to steady the slight tremor in her hand as he watched her brew the tea with practiced precision. after what seemed like an eternity, she placed the mug on a small plate and carefully handed it to him.

“thanks,” he said quietly, his eyes fixated on the mug and the thin wisps of steam wafting from it. then, like an afterthought that was actually painfully thought out, he added, “appreciate it.”

she could have sworn the corner of his lip lifted, and she almost lost her footing as she sat back down on her stool. though she knew it was impossible, it seemed as if time had been stuck in that moment, the laws of physics crying out for some sense of normalcy to resume.

and so she cleared her throat, pulling free time from where its coat was stuck on the doorknob. “no worries. let me know if you need anything else.”

but he was already walking back to his seat, firmly slotting back the numbers and variables into the places they were supposed to be.

newton’s first law of motion states that an object at rest or uniform motion will continue to stay that way unless acted upon by a net external force.

or the law of inertia, as it was also called, and she much preferred that instead. it was what she thought of every time she saw toji making his way to the door of the cafe from the window, taking large, purposeful strides like he knew where he always wanted to go at all times. he was that object in uniform motion, his life seemingly constant without any real deviations. she thought of it every time he walked out of the door too, and wondered if there would ever be anything significant enough to achieve a large enough force to change his trajectory.

so what large enough force had been applied to make him finally ask for a change to how he drank his tea? maybe he had never considered it before, never realized there was any other option other than the abysmally tiny teacup he had used before. perhaps the fact that he had stopped and seen her mug the night before had opened up new possibilities for him. whatever it was, it didn’t really matter, because he looked so much more at ease now that he wasn’t hanging on for dear life to a teacup too small for those hands of his.

those big, attractive hands, with good, strong veins running through them.

toji looked up at her from behind his laptop.

the tip-taps of her pen became just a notch louder, and she bit her lip, almost crossing her eyes as she focused a little too hard into the hole of the letter ‘a’ in the word ‘angle’.

dammit.

| Φ |

it was march, and the cherry blossoms that grew around campus were now blossoming in full swing.

what little free time she had between university work, endless laboratory reports, and working at the cafe, was spent walking around the town and parks. while hearing the songs of physics and numbers was her way of life, sometimes it was nice to wind down and appreciate the beauty of biology and chemistry. to see how the rain that fell from the skies was soaked up by the weed flowers thriving in the cracks of the pavement. they were tiny little warriors, persevering in the face of the hundreds of people who surely walked this path, avoiding death by being crushed.

the air was cool, and it was late enough in the day to make it feel much cooler than it should have been. she rubbed her arms through her jacket and picked up the pace. it was a week break in the semester, and it was much busier than it should have been for that time of the day. her manager had offered her more hours to work during the break, and she had mistakenly accepted the offer instead of taking some time for herself to do what she liked.

she entered the cafe, the little bell chiming, and smiled at her colleague, who seemed rather grateful that they weren’t alone to deal with the swarm of students enjoying a relaxing coffee. it was rather different from the anxious energy that usually accompanied students in here, but it was a welcome change to see unburdened smiles before the exam season hit them all in full merciless force.

together, they took on the onslaught of orders from all the customers walking into their quaint little cafe in the middle of campus. she couldn’t remember the last time she’d made such complex teas, brewing flavor combinations she couldn’t even concoct in her wildest dreams. by the end of the rush, with her colleague having finished their shift, she was left in a frazzled state of tea stains and sticky sugary syrup.

and that is precisely when toji fushiguro decided to walk through the door.

she almost froze, a mixture of shock and embarrassment washing over like a bucket of ice-cold water. why, she’d never seen him in the cafe while the sun was still in the sky, and he wasn’t even dressed in his usual fitness attire either. instead, it was a black jumper and jeans. this was most certainly not part of the equation at all; she had never even considered to calculate the probability of such an event occurring.

“hey,” he greeted, as casual as the jeans he was wearing, while fidgeting with the hem of his jumper.

“hi,” she answered, dusting off some imaginary dust from her apron because she didn’t know what else to do with her hands. “the usual?”

toji seemed somewhat surprised at this. “yeah, please.”

she couldn’t lie; it was such a welcome relief to make something so simple amidst the chaos that was the ever-changing trends of beverages. had the universe written an additional formula just to provide her with just a moment’s respite? or was it the law of attraction being employed?

no, that was surely wishful thinking. there was no way that toji fushiguro had anything in common with her.

“are you sitting in or taking away?” she prompted, the extra words slipping through her lips.

he thought about it for a second before nodding his head, “uh, yeah, takeaway please.”

“no problem,” she replied smoothly, amazed at how well she was deviating from their usual interactions, and poured the tea into a disposable cup. “there you go.”

toji mumbled a ‘thank you’ as he carefully placed the coins on the counter, his hands completely enveloping what she would have once considered a large cup.

what compelled her to say the following words, she didn’t really know, but she called out in a hopefully not-so-loud voice as he turned to leave, “enjoy the blossoms!”

just why? why would you say that?

she was even more mortified when toji simply walked out the door without sparing her a second glance. the universe was cruel for adding that into the equation, and she could have sworn, to add further insult to injury, that two girls had watched their exchange and were snickering.

enjoy the blossoms? stupid, stupid, stupid!

| Φ |

for the rest of the day, she felt as if the second law of thermodynamics very much applied to her.

as she recounted her absolutely horrific exchange with toji, she felt the heat of the universe pressing down on her isolated being, causing her atoms inside of her to bounce of the walls that was her skin, sending her into a more and more disorganized chaotic state of existence. she actually hoped for once that the deviance of the otherwise constant line would continue to do so, and that toji wouldn’t come to the cafe later on that night. then she could resume solving the equation as it was meant to be solved for the next night, and she could continue on as if nothing ever happened in the first place.

so when their routine did end up resuming its normalcy, and toji walked into the cafe with his dark wet hair and canvas bag, she was too mortified to even speak to him, despite him being the only customer in the shop. she got straight to work brewing him his tea, avoiding even looking anywhere near him as he set his things down at the table.

her lack of attention, for once, almost caused a head-on collision.

“hey, oh shit! sorry,” toji cussed, even though it was completely her fault, as he stopped whatever momentum he had in his body from crashing into her.

she hissed as the scalding tea splashed onto her fingers. “oh, no, i’m sorry! are you alright?”

“yeah, don’t worry about it.”

with a wobbly, quivering lip, she went around him and placed his mug on the table, being careful to avoid placing the wet bottom anywhere near his papers. it was there she caught a glimpse of some messily scrawled-out calculations on a piece of scratch paper, and her brain immediately started to sing.

no, don’t stare. it’s rude.

“sorry again,” she whispered, looking straight at the ground and being careful to not step in his way again.

toji never even made a sound, and she didn’t dare to look up to see if he was looking at her. she ran her finger under some cold water before taking her usual seat at the counter, and picked up where she left off on summarizing her lectures. it was perfectly quiet now, save for the scratching of her pen on paper and toji typing away on his keyboard. this was peaceful, easy, and– hold on. why could she hear the sound of the music?

“hey, sorry to interrupt,” toji interjected, making her jump. “do you have any sandwiches or something left?”

“oh! no, i’m sorry, what’s on display is what’s left,” she answered shakily, putting her pen down on the counter. “i, um- the protein balls are pretty decent, if you like that sort of thing.”

“oh, sure. yeah,” he murmured, looking at the several flavors that were available. “I’ll take the, uh, peanut flavor. that any good?”

she smiled softly, despite the throbbing sensation in her finger. “yeah, it’s not bad. you want two?” he nodded, and she wrapped them both up in a paper bag as he procured out coins from his pocket.

toji dug around some more, patting down his pockets to make sure there was definitely nothing lingering in there, and his stomach audibly growled. the air became a touch too awkward, and she stared at the sad-looking change on the counter. she slid the bag over to him with quiet understanding, and gave him the kindest smile she possibly could.

“hey, don’t worry about it. it’s on the house,” she encouraged. “sorry, i should have said that from the beginning.”

toji shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “oh no, i couldn’t do that. sorry, i’ll just leave it. i thought i had enough change.”

she pushed the bag further towards him. “it’s fine, i insist. please.”

he slowly took the bag, as if he wasn’t sure that it was real, or that it was maybe going to bite him. “thanks,” he said quietly, and retreated back to his seat, packing up his things, while she sat there trying to will her atoms back into their rightful place.

“thanks again,” toji rumbled softly as he held the door halfway open. “i’ll see you tomorrow?”

“o-oh yeah! yeah, see you tomorrow,” she stuttered back.

with that, he closed the door behind him, the bell tingling a beautiful farewell for him, and she was left with the atoms of her thumping heart completely dispersing into the atmosphere as she frantically tried to claw them back down.

| Φ |

tomorrow came and went, and they had settled into a slightly different flow of their routine, although the core essence remained the same.

instead of waiting for her to bring over his tea, toji now waited at the counter for her to hand him a large, steaming mug of his fix. they never spoke anymore than what they did before, but there was something that had changed between them. something so subtle that it couldn’t be defined properly, but she knew it was there, and she hoped toji knew it too.

it was april now, and the flurry of students cramming for their exams in may were in full swing. when she wasn’t at the cafe, she was holed up in her shared accommodation, buried underneath a blanket that may as well have been a black hole swallowing her whole. there, she studied for the last set of exams she would ever have to sit at university, but she tried not to dwell on that fact.

not that she didn’t study at the cafe, but toji’s presence added an extra dynamic that made it difficult to focus as well as when she was alone. despite her best efforts, she couldn’t help but constantly glance at him when she was confident he wasn’t looking. right now, she could tell he was silently stressing over his exams too. spending so long in silence with another person meant she could tell the slight quirks in his face that signalled a changed in trajectory of emotion.

currently, the deep frown lines etched in his forehead meant that he was monumentally stuck on something. he’d been like that ever since he powered up his laptop and stared at the screen, the dim light casting an artificial, cold glow on his face.

once again, she didn’t know what compelled her to do what she did next. maybe it was the fact she knew he had barely touched his tea, and it was surely cold by now. or maybe it was the desire to momentarily distract him from his frustration by bringing him a warm, fresh brew. whatever it was, her body was moving according some new formula the angels had applied, and she found herself simply walking over without saying anything and placing a piping hot mug next to his laptop.

“huh? oh, thanks,” toji said slowly, daze-like, as if he wasn’t sure she was real and doing this.

she smiled softly, quickly glancing at the scratch paper in front of him, and oh no – he wasn’t composing the music correctly at all.

“that isn’t the answer,” she stated simply, looking back up at him. he frowned again, momentarily confused, until she pointed at his paper and said, “you’ve calculated this wrong. that isn’t the right equation to use.”

toji looked back down at his paper, sighing softly, and rubbed his face as he seemed to sink deeper and deeper into his chair. she couldn’t understand it; there was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in getting a question wrong. she’d done it before herself many times, and more than likely would continue to do so.

“sorry, i-uh, i’m not very good at mathematics,” he mumbled shyly, and her heart started to crumble like a biscuit.

she pulled her pen out of her pocket and clicked it once. “no need to be sorry. do you want me to show you how to do it?”

toji nodded wordlessly, and slid the paper over to her, angling the laptop so she could see the question displayed. it was about calculating the speed of an athlete's arm as they threw a ball through the air, but he hadn’t used the correct equation, nor the correct standard units. she quickly wrote out every step of how to solve it, did a final check that her mental calculations were correct against his gray calculator, and slid the paper back to him.

“there, be careful with your units and don’t forget to include them. most of my professors have strict marking against not writing the proper ones, i don’t know about yours, but it might be better to be safe than sorry,” she explained, her throat tightening as he intently looked at her working out.

it felt personal on another sort of level, and strangely intimate.

he seemed to be taking his time studying it, with a slightly blank look, as if what she had done was still going well over his head. “yeah, good point. thank you,” was all he mustered, and he tilted his head at the scratch paper.

“do you want me to explain anything?” she prompted, half expecting him to pretend that he understood everything. that would have been typical of a student at university - faking it until they somehow made it.

so she was pleasantly surprised, but not at all unwilling to explain it when toji nodded again, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. she tried to recall how her teachers in high school had taught her these concepts, trying to adapt their tone of voice: patient and understanding. she leaned over to be more at eye level at him, trying to seem less intimidating, and their close proximity was sending her brain into overdrive.

“i hope this makes more sense now,” she said as she wrapped up the explanation.

toji’s lips formed a small ‘o’ shape, and the scar gracing them resembled the greek letter phi, but with the line running over to the right side instead of the middle. if she didn’t need anymore proof that the boy sitting in front of her was perfect, then the angels had just thrown in the winning factor.

phi, the perfect golden constant, now belonged in her mind only to toji fushiguro.

“uh, yeah actually,” he hummed, seemingly appreciative, his eyes sparkling against the dim lighting of the cafe. “thanks so much.”

she couldn’t help it, but she grinned widely. “no problem at all.”

she started to walk away, biting her lip when she turned her back to him, already feeling the bitter sting of disappointment that things would probably be back to normal after yet another deviation. until toji called out, “you’re really good at this. what do you study?”

“physics,” she replied, hoping the shock wasn’t too evident in her voice. “what about you?”

“P.E.,” he answered, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. she had to try very hard not to stare at how nice his biceps looked. “i stupidly decided to add a sports biomechanics module as my optional one. kinda regretting it now.”

toji chuckled halfheartedly, and she almost swooned, but opted to tilt her head to the side and say, “oh, but don’t you find it fascinating? it’s the numbers behind the real output of an athlete.”

“oh, well i never really thought about it that way.” he seemed to be genuinely pondering her outlook on the matter, staring hard at the numbers before him, and she felt the blood rising to her cheeks. toji looked back up at her and smiled a devastatingly handsome smile. “i suppose it makes sense for you to think like that.”

she didn’t really know how to reply to that except an, “i guess so,” and then added a polite follow-up of, “what sort of sport do you, then?”

“judo and jujutsu,” toji replied smoothly and completely casually. “i train at the gym before i come here.”

“oh yeah? that’s quite intense.”

“not so much if you enjoy it, really.”

“easy for you to say. you’re obviously in much better shape than the rest of us.”

she almost cringed externally at that.

obviously much better shape? why on earth would you say obviously, stupid?

but toji only chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “hard work, i guess.” he mumbled, staring back at his paper.

she glanced up at the time, noting that it was almost time to close. “well, I'm sorry, but you might have to practice it yourself at home.”

he looked panicked for a second, his eyes darting over to the clock. “oh, yeah. probably.” and started to slowly pack up his things.

she didn’t want to observe him anymore than she already had, so she busied herself by washing their mugs and quickly wiping down the counter for the morning shift, while toji was taking his time neatly packing away his things. was it wishful thinking that perhaps he was stalling. whether it was or wasn’t, she left him to it, switching off the lights everywhere except at the entrance. she swept her eyes over the cafe to make sure she hadn’t missed anything before heading out.

toji stood beside the door, his eyes flitting about anywhere but her, obviously waiting for her to finish locking up. she tried to ignore the fluttering in her chest and smiled awkwardly at him as he finally met her gaze. he shuffled outside before she did, hands in his pockets as he looked up at the nights sky, the silver moon shining between stringy wisps of clouds.

he looked like a scene straight from a movie – a movie where a beautiful boy was up against the weight of the world. she could see it all clearly now: his scuffed up trainers, canvas bag with dirt stains scraping the bottom of it, the hole in his shirt near the hem. and yet, she knew he had real strength, the quiet sort of kind, that would completely surprise anybody that decided to come at him.

she locked the door behind her, the keys jangling, disturbing the relative quiet of the street. the distant whooping of boisterous students, no doubt drinking and partying away their stress, could be heard a little ways off into the distance. the bright light of the 7-11 across the streets flickered, and she briefly considered buying some cheap dinner before heading home.

she cleared her throat and gave him a small smile. “well, good luck studying.”

toji breathed out a half-hearted laugh. “thanks, i’ll need it.”

“if you’re still having trouble with your calculations, you can always ask me tomorrow,” she reassured, feeling bold enough to assume that his equation would continue to equate to hers.

he seemed to hesitate, as if debating something within his head, and replied, “yeah, sure.” but his tone left much to be desired, and she was already kicking herself for being so direct. “sounds good.”

she bit her lip and mumbled a weak ‘goodnight’ before walking straight into the 7-11 to escape.

| Φ |

the next night in the cafe, after quite a long day of punching numbers into her calculator and her eyes swimming with all sorts of symbols, she was contemplating the sheer power of a supernova explosion. it was golden hour, and toji had arrived much earlier to study. his deviations from the norm weren't so jarring anymore, and she’d almost come to sort of expect them at this point. he’d actually met her eyes as she prepared his tea, and even offered her a smile and a ‘thank you’.

the time passed on quickly, and soon enough, it was just her, toji, and two other customers – fellow students – inhabiting the same area. it was around 9:17p.m., the usual time for it to be a sacred silence. so when four boys staggered through the door, the bell cried out aggressively from the force of them nearly ripping open the door, completely tearing her from whatever daydreams she had been lost in.

they were cruel, uncaring about her or the other patrons they were disturbing with their raised voices and boisterous behavior. she kept her cool, not letting their jeers and sly comments get to her as she prepared their orders, wanting to get them out of the cafe as soon as she possibly could. one of them was particular unnerving, staring at her more than the others did, a creepy smirk on his lips and dangerous glint in his eyes. he was like a black hole, and she felt as if she was about to be swallowed alive.

she felt like she couldn’t breath, as if her body didn’t remember the biomechanical process to allow her to expand her lungs and fill them with sweet air. were the angels in serious danger of their calculations becoming completely wrong? was her equation to become something twisted and tragic by the end of the night?

when the group left, the evil boy had glanced over his shoulder to give her one last indecipherable look before he took off at a run after his friends. she exhaled shakily, willing her body to remember how to breath, and decided to distract herself by cleaning any and all random nooks and crannies she could find in an effort to distract herself.

oh how she hated them those stupid, idiotic boys – and that their words and manners had such an impact on her.

she’d worked herself into such a state that she hadn’t even noticed toji standing awkwardly at the counter until she turned to sip at her ice-cold tea, and almost yelped in surprise.

“hey,” toji greeted gently, delicate raindrops against a pane of glass. “it’s eleven.”

and so it was as she noted the time on the clock. she wiped her brow and discarded the now completely blackened cleaning cloth into the rubbish. “sorry, i’ll just get the keys now. you head on.”

“no, it’s okay,” he hummed. “take your time. i’ll be outside.”

when she finally finished the usual locking-up routine, toji had resumed that vision of perfection from the previous night, and it was almost impossible to even consider, but he was even more dreamy than before. toji had to have been carved by michealangelo; born of marble and beauty, and forced to to live in this plane of existence. in some rural countryside of japan, at a public university campus, surrounded by bog-standard students trying to scrape through life.

she felt he didn’t really belong here, as if he was already slipping through her fingers, even though he never really was between them to begin with.

“see you tomorrow,” she said in farewell, giving him a small wave and already walking away.

the loud thuds against the pavement reverberated the immediate vicinity, and toji huffed as he caught up to her, “hey, uh, whereabouts do you live?”

“not too far, about a ten-minute walk away,” she replied, almost floored at the fact that he had just run after her. “why?”

“just… you ok if i tag along? i could use the company.”

“…sure?”

they walked side by side in silence, and her mind was going into complete overdrive. she was trying so hard not to be completely floored that somehow, on a random April night, toji fushiguro was walking her home. it was obvious that he was lying about company – perhaps not an outright lie, but it definitely wasn’t the whole truth. time seemed to have passed quicker than it should have, and before she knew it, they had arrived at her accommodation. toji seemed to hover, looking over his shoulder, his body seemingly tense.

“well, this is me,” she announced, jingling her keys for good measure. “huh, are you okay?”

toji was glaring into the darkness, into the twisted labyrinth of twists and turns in between buildings, only really half-listening. “yeah,” he replied tersely, his fists clenching. “you’re staying at home tonight, right?”

she nodded nervously, suddenly hyperaware of the deep, foreboding inkiness of the night. “mhm.”

he turned to her, verdant eyes simmering with something nearly as dark as the sky. “good, i’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“bye, toji.”

but he was already striding off into the labyrinth, off to face the dirt and coal thrown at him, when he himself was made of marble and gold.

| Φ |

a week after toji had walked her home, she had her first final exam, during which the whole time her thoughts were consumed by him.

of toji fushiguro.

toji and his eyes of forests and jade. of his sculpted body, and all the angles and lines that made up his face. his scar that made him golden and perfect, her phi. of how she had seen him on campus the next morning after he walked her home, wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, split knuckles raw and red against the marble of his skin. how he’d finally noticed her outside the cafe for the first time and actually smiled at her.

her friends – more so acquaintances who had happened to become close simply because they were on the same course –had noticed the exchange. when toji had walked well out of earshot, they had bombarded her with hushed whisper-yells of excited “oh my god!" and "how did you even get him to smile? i’ve never even heard him speak.”

and she’d shrugged them off, fending off their curiosity with, “oh, he comes to the cafe all the time, that’s all.”

she didn’t want to get into all the details of toji and her. well, just toji really – there was no 'and her'. their time together was a coveted treasure, and she was strangely possessive over it.

that night, as she handed toji his tea, she plucked up the courage to ask, “what happened to your hands?”

toji automatically looked down at them, flexing them as if even mentioning them made them burn with pain. “oh, nothing, just went a bit too hard at training.” it didn’t occur to her not to believe him until she was staring blankly at the last question of her exam.

she thought of the evil boy in the cafe, of toji staring down into the darkness and looking over his shoulder as if demons were just behind them, and he was the only thing keeping them at bay. maybe he really was doing just that. maybe that’s why he had continued to walk her home every night, as their graphs continued to overlap even more closely together.

she came out of that exam feeling as if some sort of hidden revelation was waiting to be discovered, and by god, how much she loved to solve for a new equation.

toji was already waiting for her at the cafe when she arrived for her shift, an occurrence steadily getting earlier. he immediately took note of her coming in, and his eyes lit up. she smiled brightly at him, offering him two thumbs up, to which he grinned and pushed away his laptop before approached her.

“so, it went well then?” he prompted, the ghost of a smile still playing on his lips.

she poured them both two mugs of tea, and held hers out towards him. “yeah, it wasn’t too bad actually. cheers to that!”

toji chuckled and clinked his mug with hers, the both of them blowing on the tea before sipping it tentatively. he went back to his table, resuming whatever he had been doing, and leaving her to serve the customers. that was perhaps the only drawback of toji arriving earlier - that their time spent together was interrupted. but it also served as a tantalizing countdown to when it was just the two of them.

obviously, their dynamic had shifted dramatically in the past week, and they’d settled into an easy-flowing sequence – something that felt as if phi would be, so perfectly balanced and positively golden. toji seemed to want to unveil the mystery of his equation to her, but bit by bit, which she didn’t mind at all. she loved slowing figuring out the scale of his axes, plotting all his points together, and finally drawing the curve that connected them all.

toji fushiguro could only be described as steady, a mountain that would never bend or break, his roots so profoundly deep that she had to really dig to see them. he loved his body, but not in a superficial way, but more that it was something he was in control of and could continually improve. she discovered that he drank green tea not just because it was healthy, but because it was cheap. how most of his gym wear had varying sizes of holes, and he carried around a tiny sewing kit in his bag at all times because he sometimes only noticed one when he was out and about.

most importantly, today he had divulged what he wanted for his future.

“i want to get out of this hellhole as soon as i can,” toji had sighed exaggeratedly, stretching his neck backwards. whenever the last customer had left the cafe, he’d drag a chair over to the edge of the counter. not so directly in front of it that he was blocking any customers, but just enough so that they were sitting across from each other.

she rolled her eyes playfully at him, nibbling at the cap of her pen. “oh, how original. you and every other student in this university.”

“well yeah, obviously, but not as much as me,” he retorted.

“what make you so different, then?”

“i’ve always wanted to leave, even before i got here. i want to to go and live in tokyo.”

“tokyo, huh? and what do you wanna do there?”

“well, eventually i want to open my own dojo and teach jujitsu, but i’d probably have to start out as an instructor.”

“oh wow, you’ve got a solid sort of plan. have you always wanted to do that?”

“yeah, i really hate it here.”

and he’d gone quiet, but she didn’t press him. instead, she focused on her textbook because there were still exams to be studied for, and waited for toji to come back to her. where he went in those moments, she didn’t know. there was something lurking in the shadow of the mountain, and he still seemed to be fighting against it even now.

she knew he’d come back to her when he’d lean in closer, cheek against his palm, and try to make sense of whatever diagrams appeared on the pages she was reading.

“that looks cool,” toji murmured, pointing at whatever had piqued his interest. “what is it?”

and she discovered, not that it was a real shock, that toji was so very curious. he wanted to know things, he liked to know how things worked, and he was really clever. she would explain as best as she could, and toji would follow along diligently, nodding his head every so often and asking the occasional question. many people probably underestimated just how smart he really was, but she never did.

“this is a diagram that sort of shows what einstein’s theory of general relativity is all about.”

“ah right, it’s pretty famous then isn’t it? cuz it’s einstein's.”

“haha, i suppose so, yeah.”

“what’s it about?”

she bit her lip and tilted her head, placing her finger as a makeshift bookmark and closed the book between her fingers. “it’s about… how really big objects like planets and stars cause gravity by bending space-time.”

“Bending space-time is gravity?”

“It’s because the bigger object has caused smaller ones to be pulled closer to it, if that makes sense.”

toji nodded slowly and laughed. “it’s a bit over my head. how you perfectly understand it is beyond me though.”

“i wouldn’t say perfectly,” she replied bashfully. “but i think it’s a beautiful theory.”

“you think every theory is beautiful.”

“haha! no, well yes, but that’s besides the point!”

“well, what is the point?”

“that something has had such a profound impact, because it’s so big and larger than life that it’s impacting all the other small things around it and pulling them in closer to it.”

toji smiled, the kind of smile he had when he was more vulnerable and soft, when his barriers were down and forgotten about. the way he looked at her made her body jolt with thousands of little lightning bolts.

“yeah,” he mused thoughtfully. “yeah, that is kinda beautiful.”

| Φ |

five days.

that’s how long it had been since she’d seen toji, and she missed him more than she cared to admit, even to herself.

it wasn’t ideal, right smack in the middle of the exam season, to be so distracted by a boy, but toji fushiguro wasn’t just any boy. he was the boy who she spent every day with, and the past two weeks had been a rosy dream as they talked more and more. it was now the middle of may, and she was almost done with sitting all of her exams. she should have been thinking of her future, about a solid career plan, and where she wanted to live.

but no, all she could think of was the laws of physics and toji fushiguro, and counting down the days until she could see him again.

he was currently out on a placement excursion, teaching ten-year-old kids during their regular sports curriculum. it was almost comical, and she couldn’t help but smile to herself whenever she thought of toji surrounded by a bunch of wide-eyed children. he’d already been groaning about it before he left, about this and that, and how much he didn’t like silly kids and their silly faces.

“what are you smiling about?” one of her friends whispered suspiciously, leaning in closer to her so as not to disturb anybody else in the library.

she shook her head, and told a little lie, “oh, just about how close we are to finishing uni. it’s sort of unbelievable.”

her friend raised a brow, clearly not believing her. “sure, and it doesn’t have anything to do with fushiguro?”

“ugh, why do you keep bringing him up all the time? i told you there’s nothing going on there.”

“i’ll believe that when i stop seeing you smiling like an idiot in love. now, c’mon and focus on this.”

love? no, no, it wasn’t love. not quite yet, at least, but she knew it was getting there. she felt a slight tremor in her chest, traveling all the way to the tips of her fingers and then the ends of her toes like an electric current across a wire. it was unfathomably scary to admit it, but it was nothing but the truth.

she was falling for toji fushiguro.

she ducked her head down, her pencil scratching against her notepad as she attempted yet another sample question, endeavouring to distract herself from all thoughts of him for the rest of the study session. as soon as she had to leave for the cafe, she practically shoved her things into her bag and almost ran towards it. toji should be back today, with it being friday and the school week coming to an end.

when she got there, her manager was behind the counter in the midst of serving a customer, and the cafe was reasonably busy. the overwhelming aroma of coffee wafted through her nose, warm and inviting, and familiar. she wondered if toji thought of her whenever he smelt coffee.

she certainly hoped that he did.

“great you’re here,” her manager beamed, handing her an apron to tie around her waist. “i was wondering if you would like to take some time off whenever you finish your exams? my nephew is coming to visit, and i’d like to put him to work instead of him lazing about all day.”

she was immediately hit with a sheer sense of panic. if she didn’t work, then how else was she supposed to see toji? it was so utterly embarrassing and pathetic, that she was so enamored with this boy that she was willing to work just to see him. but then she thought about what would happen after graduation, and how they realistically would not be seeing each other – perhaps ever again.

“sure, that’s alright with me,” is what she finally said after a moment's hesitation, but her manager surely picked up on her hesitant tone.

“never have i ever seen a student who didn’t want time off work,” they chuckled, hand on their hip. “this has got to do with that dark haired boy, doesn’t it?”

heat creeped up into her cheeks, and she busied herself with pouring a cup of coffee for a customer, as her manager gazed at her in bemusement. “no,” she squeaked out.

“oh to be young again,” they said in a sing-song voice. “don’t worry about not working though, i’m sure that boy would follow you anywhere you go. i’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

she didn’t quite know how to respond to that.

when the moon had risen high into the sky and the shop was empty, she waited and waited for toji. he was late, and he should have been there by now. or maybe he wouldn’t come? she thought it might have been quite bold to assume he would have tonight. he was probably tired from a whole week of teaching, and maybe he had decided to just go home and rest. she couldn’t blame him for that.

but that didn’t stop the soul-crushing disappointment from tearing her in two.

the sky must have felt her distress, because soon enough the pitter-patter of rain falling against the roof ensued. maybe metaphysical pain was real, and maybe she would spend her whole life trying to prove her theory. what a tragic future, she thought, and sniffled as she locked the door behind her.

and then she turned around, and toji was standing there, his chest heaving.

for a moment, they just faced each other. he was all wet, black hoodie all soggy and weighed down, sticking to him like a second skin. his green eyes were alight, looking at her with a mixture of nerves and something else she couldn’t place. toji exhaled shakily, his lashes fluttering as he blinked fast.

“sorry,” he mumbled. “i tried to get here sooner, but there was an accident and my train was delayed.”

her heart melted; she felt as if she was one with the rain puddles in the dips of the pavement, one with the water pooling beneath toji’s feat. could it be love already? maybe her loved ones, wiser and older than her would have said it was, but she felt too young to know it.

and yet, here was a boy standing in front of her, who had run through the rain and labyrinth of buildings to get here.

“oh, toji,” she gushed, instinctively opening up her umbrella and shielding him from the torrent of the sky. “you’ll get sick.”

she didn’t realize just how close they were together, trapped underneath the tiny space, until toji was staring down at her. a water droplet dropped from his hair, over the ridge of his nose, caressing over his cupids bow and parted lips, all the way down to his chin and onto her lip.

she shivered, feeling as if their lips may as well have touched.

“it doesn’t matter,” toji whispered, in that deep, almost sad tone that belonged only to him, and she finally admitted internally just how much she missed his voice. “it’s only water.”

they stood there staring at each other for a heartbeat too long, until she broke the silence with, “let’s get out of here.”

and then they set off at a slow, shuffling pace, the backs of their hands and shoulders brushing against each other, and she thought a live spark might just ignite off her skin. the rain sounded like little stones tumbling off the top of the umbrella, and the smell of the wet pavement served as little momentary distractions against the all-consuming feeling of toji beside her.

she didn’t want it to end, and so when they reached the entrance to her accommodation, and turned to face him. “you can’t go home like this. won’t you come inside and dry off?”

toji’s eyebrows shot up, and he almost looked like a deer in the headlights. he was fighting within himself; she could see it in the way his hand flexed, his knuckle touching hers. “i’ll just make your floor wet though,” he muttered, looking down at the ground.

“it doesn’t matter,” she urged, and added a desperate. “please.”

that seemed to snap him out of whatever internal deliberation he was having, and toji nodded. “okay then.”

she couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, almost immediately turning towards the door to hide most of it from him, taking out the keys from her pocket and fumbled with one hand to grab the correct one for her door. his proximity behind her was beyond distracting, her back felt like the south side of a magnet, and toji was her north. it would be too easy to fall back into him, and so she endeavored to root her feet into the ground and resist the urge.

she finally opened it and they passed through the unwelcoming vibes of the main lobby, toji’s shoes squelching loudly with every step he took. the student behind the desk glancing uninterestedly up at them, and then sharply looked back up, staring with saucer eyes at toji in tow behind her.

she once again fought with her keys, the sound echoing throughout the empty corridor, and pushed open the door to her shared dorm. it was compact but efficient for two people to live comfortably together. her flatmate was curled up on the sofa with her boyfriend, shui, in the main living area, only lit up by whatever was on the tv.

“roomie!” her roommate called out, oblivious to toji’s presence. “how was studying today?”

“yeah, great,” she answered, glancing back at toji awkwardly standing by the door. “you?”

“all goo- oh! oh. hello there!” her roommate finally registered toji’s presence as the door clicked shut behind him, immediately jumping out of shiu’s arms, who also looked back over his shoulder in intrigue.

“hey,” toji mumbled, a puddle of water now collecting over the white tiles.

shiu waved his hand at toji, who flicked his chin upwards in acknowledgment. she immediately turned to her roommate, “hey, you think you have something from shui’s he could borrow?”

her roommate sprung into action, scrambling off the sofa. “yeah, yeah! sorry! i’ll be right back.”

toji remained where he was, stationary as a rock, his emerald orbs flicking every which way. she wondered what he was thinking, but she was too consumed by the monumental event that he was really standing there in her living room to dwell on it.

her roommate burst out of her room, smiling brightly as she handled a bundle of clothes to toji. “there you go! the bathroom’s just to the left there.”

he strode straight to the bathroom, his eyes meeting hers just before he closed the door.

“girl,” her roommate excitedly whispered, vigorously grabbing her forearms. “what the- what is going on? i didn’t know you and fushiguro were together.”

“we’re not together,” she rebuked, biting her lip. “we’re just… friends.”

her roommate scoffed, nearly bouncing up and down in glee. “shiu, you know this is the first time she’d brought a boy home.”

shiu hummed quietly, an unlit cigarette dangling between his lips. “that’s great, babe.”

her roommate scoffed, rolling her eyes at him, and her grip tightened just a fraction. “is he spending the night? oh my god, you both should stay and watch a movie with us.”

“oh, i don’t think he’ll stay…”

“girl, just go and get changed into something else, and i’ll talk to him when he comes out. you know people can’t say no to me.”

before she knew it, she was being pushed into her room, and the door was slammed behind her. she breathed out shakily, sliding against her wardrobe with her head in her hands. her heart was racing, and fuck fuck fuck, what the hell was she thinking bringing toji here?

she heard the bathroom door open, and the quiet baritone of toji’s voice mingled with her roommate's bubbly one. the words ‘pizza’ and ‘movie’ were mentioned, and she rushed to shimmy off her clothes and into her slightly better-looking loungewear, checking her hair was presentable enough. when she quietly opened her door, toji had his back towards her, wearing a black t-shirt that was a size too small and grey joggers that hugged his thick thighs.

he turned to face her, and the tense look on his face relaxed. her roommate piped up from the sofa, “hey! i was just saying that toji should stay and watch a movie with us while his clothes dry.”

she bit the inside of her cheek, and softly said to him, “you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

toji looked between her and her roommate, before replying with a low, “I’ll stay.”

her roommate clapped her hands together. “great! I’ll order the pizza.”

she walked over to the adjacent sofa to shiu, and hesitantly sat down on one edge of the sofa. toji followed and lowered himself onto the other empty side, leaving a space of everything and nothing between them. soon enough, her roommate returned and plonked herself right in between shiu’s spread legs, shuffling through the channels until she settled on a movie. the pizza arrived some time into the movie, and the four of them helped themselves. she couldn’t help but steal glances at toji, his face illuminated by the tv's glow as he brought a cheesy slice of pizza to his mouth, his expression blank and unreadable.

whatever way the angels must be solving her cosmic equation, they were obviously applying toji’s formula. their numbers were intertwining, creating a new constant, and she wondered what sort of symbol would represent the two of them.

toji met her gaze, and the corner of his lip curled upward.

after the movie had ended, her roommate had ushered a bemused shiu into her room and wiggled her fingers in an excited goodbye. “shh,” she’d giggled, while shiu rolled his eyes at her, tugging on the sleeve of her pyjama top. “don’t make too much noise, you two.”

and with that, she shut the door, leaving them alone.

together.

in her living room, on the same sofa.

“do you, uh, want to watch something else?” she murmured, her legs folded beneath her.

toji breathed out a quiet laugh. “please. i’m sorry, but that movie was actually so bad.”

she nearly snorted, clapping her hand over her mouth in an effort to contain her giggle. “yeah, it was pretty shit.”

the clock above the tv read 1:42 a.m., and she wondered if toji was tired. she assumed he would be after waking up so early to teach a bunch of energetic children. “you want some tea? i was just going to make some,” she asked, her ankles cracking as she rose from the sofa.

toji slapped his thighs, and steadily got up as well. “sure, but i should really get going soon. i don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“spend the night,” she blurted out before she could stop herself. “none of us would mind, i promise.”

she then stupidly, pathetically even, held out her pinky towards him. toji frowned, clearly confused. “what are you doing?”

“a pinky promise.”

“oh right, yeah.”

he curled his pinky around hers, and a tiny electric shock sparked between them. she hissed and drew her hand back, but their eyes met, and they both erupted into a fit of hushed giggles, which only served to make them laugh harder.

“okay, you stick something on tv and i’ll make the tea,” she grinned, her bare feet softly padding on the floor as she went over to the kitchen.

as the kettle boiled, she watched toji flicking aimlessly through the channels, his face contorting when he came across something he didn’t like. he settled back onto the sofa, legs spread out as he reclined, mop of thick hair resting against the armrest. the shock of having him her in her home had faded now, and it felt almost natural for them to be around each other in this way. she brought over his mug filled with green tea, and he looked up at her gratefully as he took it from her. she sat down on the other sofa, stretching her legs out. toji’s eyes were slightly red, and he was yawning great big yawns, with the mug delicately balanced on his chest and one arm behind his head. the tv was on a low volume, and the she wanted to pause time, even just for a while.

“hey, just lemme know when you wanna sleep. you can sleep in my room,” she murmured, hands grasping both sides of her mug, feet rubbing against each other.

toji looked over at her, a scowl playing on his features. “and where are you going to sleep, the sofa?”

“well, yeah.”

“no.”

“but you’re the guest!”

“shut up, no.”

“bu-”

“no.”

she huffed playfully, throwing a hand up in surrender, to which toji smirked at. they sat in comfortable silence, watching some silly competition show play on. despite the tea, she could feel herself becoming sleepier by the minute. she looked over at toji, who seemed perfectly content to lie there and watch the contestants make complete fools of themselves.

“bet that guy’s gonna fall off,” he mumbled, his arms folded over his chest. she only hummed in response, her cheek squished against a pillow, and toji grunted, “you the sleepy one now?”

she laughed, which interrupted her yawn. “maybe.”

“go to sleep then. don’t stay up for me.”

oh, how much he didn’t know about how long she would stay up for him, and how long she would really wait. but she couldn’t say anything except, “you sure?”

“yeah, yeah, i’m cool here.”

“hold on, lemme get you a blanket and pillow before i go.”

she returned promptly with them, kneeling down to place them on the floor beside him. when she looked up, she didn’t realize just how close his face was to hers. toji’s eyes flicked down to her lips, then back up to her eyes.

she gulped.

“good night,” he whispered.

“night,” was all she could muster before overcoming the magnetism between them and walking away.

| Φ |

the final stretch.

a flurry of pens on paper, pounding hearts, a tripwire of nerves, and then…

“time is up! please, everyone, put down your pens. the exam is officially concluded.”

she leaned back in her seat, a sheer sense of awe crawling over her. this was it, she was done. her last university exam, all of it was finally over after three long years. her fellow students were of similar sentiment, with wide, nervous smiles, as if they all couldn’t really believe this was happening, as the smacks of numerous pats on the back reverberated through the hall.

the sun was shining on her face as she exited the exam hall, warm and inviting, promising that the hope for the future wasn’t unfounded. they were all high on life, with the thought that the world was their oyster, and they would all be lucky enough to find their own pearls.

“oh my god,” her friend groaned exaggeratedly, hands on her knees as if she’d just run a marathon. “it’s over.”

"yeah, it is," she hummed in agreement, basking in the sheer awe of the moment.

her friend barked out a laugh and clasped her hands together. “right then, i’m going to get ready for the party tonight. you are coming, right?”

“yeah of course,” she confirmed, shocking even herself that she would be going out. “we can only celebrate this once.”

her friend squealed, pulling her into a big hug before breaking away and trotting off. “bring fushiguro! maybe you both can get drunk and finally kiss,” she called out over her shoulder.

a few students looked over at her, and the embarrassment was almost crushing. she’d come to understand now that everyone on campus knew who toji fushiguro was. he was renowned for his adonis figure, the kind of handsome that only existed in fiction, and the fact he most certainly wasn’t associated with any girls or went to any parties.

until perhaps now, of course.

later that night at the cafe, as she fidgeted at her spot behind the counter, she plucked up the courage to ask toji, “so, you can totally say no if you don’t want to come, but there’s a party that’s happening in my building to celebrate the end of exams.”

toji looked up from reading her quantum mechanics textbook she had brought and grunted, “a party, huh. you going?”

“yeah, i’ll be heading over after closing up,” she replied, a bit deflated that he hadn’t seemed to notice she had dressed up quite a bit from her usual attire.

he hummed, nodded, and went back to reading. “i’ll see how i feel.”

that was no definitive reply, and she picked apart his usual baritone and analyzed in her mind as she went through a back-and-forth internal debate, trying to deduce some sort of meaning from it. she’d arrived to the party about an hour ago, and she was still thinking about it as she sipped away at some fruit-flavored punch that was far too delicious and dangerous for someone who didn't really drink. her lips were already numb, and the creeping giddiness was making her feel the joyousness of all that life is and would be.

her course mates had their arms around her shoulders, all of them loudly singing, more slurring really, in a circle to whatever song was thumping through the speakers. a part of her wanted to loose herself in the silliness of it all; it gave her courage and made her seem capable of things she would never have dreamed of sober.

“oh my- don’t look, but fushiguro is actually here,” her friend slurred through her ear, nearly shouting and sending a ringing noise piercing through her eardrum.

she turned around, and sure enough, there was toji fushiguro pushing his way through the throng of students dancing in the cramped apartment they had decided to congregate in. his green eyes met hers, and relief ran over his features. it was cheesy, as well as completely impossible, but time seemed stretch and distort, slowing to a crawl the closer he got to her. her friend released her from the circle, giving her a calculated shove and sending her stumbling over her own feet.

straight into toji’s waiting arms.

“oh, fuck,” he shouted as he caught her, holding her forearms in a firm grip. “you okay?”

she stared up at him, the alcohol running through her blood making her lips spread into a big, dopey smile, and giggled, “yeah, you’re here.”

she could have sworn the tips of his ears turned pink, but the flashing, multicoloured lights made it too hard to make it out properly. it took her far too long to realize that toji still hadn’t let go of her arms, even as her punch had spilled on them both, and as even more people stared and bumped into them.

“you want a drink?” she shouted, standing up on her tiptoes to reach his ear.

toji grimaced. “no thanks, i don’t drink.”

“oh yeah, you’re a proper athlete and all,” she hiccuped, her body flushing with heat and the sound of the music.

he only laughed at that, his emerald eyes twinkling with possibilities.

| Φ |

“be careful,” toji hissed as he quickly moved to steady her as she tripped over the doorway into her dorm. “jesus, you’re a mess.”

“i-hiccup! no, no i’m a ss-shtar,” she wallowed, chuckling madly at her own antics. “ssstar! star.”

“yes, yes, a star, definitely,” toji mumbled, closing the door behind them, and maneuvering her securely along with him.

“hehe, am i youuuur star, toji?” she giggled, her legs giving out from underneath her, suddenly turning into jelly.

he snorted, using her strength to lift her off the floor and into his arms. “yes, you are. now c’mon, let’s get you to bed.”

her head rolled against his chest, her head swimming in a pool of red stars and blue moons, all of them circulating around a green sun. “go onnn, you have to say i’m yo-hiccup-ur star!”

“you’re my star, now c’mon. get into bed.”

as soon as he laid her underneath her duvet, her head started to pound and swirl the moment she closed her eyes, her stomach lurched as if she was actually free-falling, and she groaned loudly. toji kneeled down in front of her, his face oh so very close to hers.

“what’s wrong? you wanna get sick?” he asked, forest eyes deep and ethereal as they took in her probably smeared makeup.

“i close my eyes and it feels bad,” she mumbled, feeling childish as her silliness became too much for even her not-so-sober state to listen to.

toji settled into a more comfortable sitting position, and she could feel his breath caressing her face. “tell me about something then, don’t think about it.”

“like-hiccup what?”

“anything. talk to me about stars, or whatever.”

“stars, really? okay… did you know, that there’s -hic- all different colors?”

“no, i didn’t actually. why’s there so many?”

“cuz they’re all different temperatures, that’s why.”

“that’s really cool. tell me about all the colors.”

“ohh, well there’s blue stars, those're the hottest one. and then there’s…”

| Φ |

she woke up to a throbbing headache and a burning stomach, her eyes hurting as light filtered through the opaque grey curtains of the window. the white wall beside her bed was the first thing she saw when she peeked her eyes open, so dreadfully plain and uninteresting, but rolling over to the other side was another sort of unnecessarily difficult task.

she almost threw up when she saw toji lying there on the floor.

“toji?” she whispered urgently. “toji?! are you awake?”

he grunted in annoyance and rolled over to face her, his midnight hair all messy on a pillow he had procured from who knows where, although there was no blanket to be seen. the light through the curtains softly enhanced his features, the scarred side of his lip twitching as he flitted somewhere in between the realm of dreams and sleep, and oh how her heart was absolutely swooning at the sight.

she smiled to herself, quietly watching him sleep and quickly forgetting about how ill she felt, because none of that mattered. only that she could hear the scratching of quills, ruffling feathers, and the soft music playing, telling her that this was it.

she was in love with toji fushiguro.

there was no other way around it, no more denying it to herself or anyone else. she loved him, the boy who slept on a rock-hard floor beside her all night, listening to her drunk and probably terrible explanations about stars and who knows what else.

green orbs peeked out from hooded lids, and toji mumbled, “what’re you lookin at?”

she bit her lip, trying to contain her giddiness at her sudden revelation, and reached over to poke his hand. “you. why didn’t you sleep on the sofa?”

toji's eyes fully opened, and he grabbed her finger and tugged gently. “cause, what if you needed to get sick and tripped in the dark? you might be a star, but you don’t actually shine, you know?”

“hah, you’re hilarious,” she retorted, letting him waggle her finger with his hand. “what else did i say, then?”

“that i’m the nicest person on earth for staying with you, and that i deserve free green tea from now on.”

“chancer, i definitely didn’t.”

“but how do you know you definitely didn’t?”

a loud knock at her door jolted them both out of their banter, and her roommate belted from the other side, “oi, lovebirds! we’re all going to get breakfast, want to come with?”

she looked expectantly at toji, who shrugged and mouthed ‘sure’, and answered back, “yeah, be out in a sec!”

“lovebirds, huh?” toji mumbled, as he intertwined their fingers, the corner of his lip curling upwards.

oh, angels in heaven above…

“shut up.”

| Φ |

the month of june was of blue skies and scorching pavements. of far too many melted vanilla and matcha ice-creams dripping onto their clothes. of heat mirages and the cool, sweet relief of air-conditioned cafes and shopping malls. of lying on dried-out, yellowed grass at night, their sweaty hands firmly holding each other, while looking up at the midnight sky and divulging all their deepest secrets.

it was when she learned how toji got the scar on his lip.

he was twiddling with the hem of her baby pink t-shirt, and not quite looking at her. “my cousins used to bully me when i was a kid,” he admitted quietly.

her gaze snapped over to him, soul aching for him. “toji, that’s awful. did you tell anyone?”

toji shook his head, trailing a finger up and down her bare arm. “my parents kinda dismissed it like it wasn’t happening. i think they didn’t want to stir things within the family, even when the fuckers took it too far one day and caused this." he paused, voiced tinged with bitterness. "they held me down and threatened me with razor blades, and one of 'em accidentally slipped."

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, not knowing quite else to say, and then rolled over onto her side to face him.

“it’s alright, i’m over it,” toji mumbled, returning to lying on his back, his arm behind his head. “but it’s why i've been studying so hard, so i can get the hell out of here. my family lives quite close by, you see.”

“right, and tokyo is about as far away as you can get.”

“yeah, pretty much.”

“and that’s why you didn’t speak to anyone at uni. you knew you'd just be moving on anyways, so there was no point making friends."

“mhm.”

she chewed the inside of her cheek. “so, what made me different?”

toji turned his head to face her, his gaze holding a gentleness she'd never seen before, “because… you’re you,” he said, as if that alone would explain everything.

she looked away, staring up at the sky again. it was silent for some time before she finally asked, “have i ever explained what quantum entanglement is to you before?”

“no, don’t think so, but go on.”

“it’s when two particles are so deeply connected, that it doesn’t matter even if they’re separated. the connection will always be there, and they’ll always affect each other. the distance between them doesn't matter either, because they still belong to each other.”

toji was quiet for a long time, and she wondered if he understood the deeper meaning behind what she was actually trying to say. she had never explicitly said to him that she loved him, and perhaps this was the only way she could say it - in the only way she knew how to. it was too late to turn back now anyway.

suddenly, he pushed his upper body off the ground and sat upwards, his back turned to her. he was breathing fast, too fast, and her heart started to beat frantically.

“toji?” she called out, fear lacing her words, her heart breaking in two at the mere thought of him rejecting all of this this – rejecting her.

toji turned to her, and whispered with glossy eyes, his words almost barely audible, “it’s you. it’s you. it’s you, and i love you.”

with that, he practically fell on top of her, their lips finally meeting in what seemed like an inevitable occurrence. like an eclipse or the death of a star, but none of that mattered. because here she was, with toji fushiguro, and he loved her.

he loved her, as her lips parted for him and their tongues swirled together, and she thought he tasted of vanilla.

she loved him, as he tenderly held the back of her head, and she melted into him like the ice creams they savoured every day.

they loved each other, as their hands dipped underneath their shirts, exploring the dips and valleys of each other's bodies.

the universe was never more perfect than in that very moment.

| Φ |

the very next week, they went on their first official date.

“i’ll swing by your place at eight o’clock, is that okay?” toji asked her over the phone, as she lazed about in her bed in a dream-like, rosy trance.

she hummed, rolling onto her back and kicking her legs in the air. “sure. what are we doing?”

“never you mind your brilliant little head about it. just be ready, okay?”

“hehe, okay.”

“okay, i’ll see you later… i love you.”

“i love you too.”

with that, he ended the call, and she was left counting down the hours until she would see him. she got ready in good time, being careful to shave every bit of hair on her body, using her roommate's products that she’d left behind after moving out. not that she even thought they would be doing something like that, at least not until she had seen a box of condoms under the bathroom sink cabinet. she hadn’t thought of sex since her subpar experience with it during her first year, and had since locked it out of her mind.

and now, it was all she could think about.

just after eight p.m., there was a prompt knock on the door, and she breathed out shakily before opened it. and there was her boy, her toji, holding a bouquet of half a dozen red roses, with a blush gracing his cheeks nearly as colorful as the flowers.

“hey,” he greeted with a handsome, crooked smile, his eyes sweeping up and down her figure. “you look beautiful. i hope you like italian food.”

and all her bundle of nerves dissipated. “yeah,” she replied breathlessly. “i do.”

toji took her to a small restaurant not too far from her dorm, about a fifteen-minute walk away. it was quirky, designed really for students with not much money in their pockets, but it was just perfect. it was natural, the way it was always meant to be. with her sitting there in a dainty summer dress, while toji, in his usual black t-shirt and jeans, looked at her like she was his whole universe.

after they were done with their meal, he’d shooed her away from even trying to pay for the bill, which he paid for in battered notes and loose change. then, they walked hand in hand in the warm summer breeze back to her dorm. she was going on excitedly about how she was looking for internships at various firms in tokyo, and toji was smiling as he listened to her finally start to figure out the answers to her future equation.

though, maybe not just her future.

they finally entered the safe space of her dorm, her roommates absence filling it with a sad eeriness. she looked at him shyly, fiddling with her fingers behind her back, and asked, “you want some tea?”

toji hummed, taking his shoes off at the door. “sure, thanks.”

she was grateful he said yes; it gave her something to do with her hands. she reached upwards to the cabinet to grab their mugs. the two twin beige, somewhat grey, mugs that always sat beside each other. they clinked loudly against the counter, and she flicked the kettle on.

and then, toji’s warm hands were on her hips, and her mind went blank.

“i love you,” he mumbled, his lips soft and wet as they trailed against the curve of her neck. “you’re my star, and i love you.”

he was repeating ‘i love you’ like a mantra he couldn’t quite believe was true, and even a part of her was still amazed that it actually was. she turned to face him, tea well forgotten about, and wrapped her arms around his neck to place her lips between his plush ones. toji hummed into her mouth, his hands sliding down to gently grip her behind, pulling her closer into him.

it was a nebula explosion after that, a stumbling mess of them making their way to her bedroom with their lips interlocked, bodies pressed close together as they ripped their clothes off each other. giggling like naughty children when she struggled to tug her dress off.

“you’re hopeless,” toji groaned playfully, tapping her nose with his finger, before smoothly sliding her dress from her body.

she pouted, crossing her arms over her bare chest. “am not.”

he shushed her softly, pulling her into him once more in a fiery kiss, and they fell gently onto the bed. toji kneaded her breasts, eliciting a moan from her as his mouth traveled slowly from her lips, down to her neck and caressing her collarbone, flicking her hard nipple with his tongue.

“hmm, you feelin good, baby?” toji murmured, looking up at her with hooded lids, forest eyes blazing with desire reserved just for her. “not too much?”

"n-no," she stuttered, fisting his black locks between her fingers, scratching the back of his scalp and making him groan.

toji parted his lips, his breath blowing softly and tickling her nipple, and she shivered and slightly arched her back in anticipation. he teased her with his tongue, licking her hard bud with a featherlight touch, and she gasped, “toji, please.”

with that, he took her nipple in his mouth, steaming hot and so wet as his tongue swirled around it. she moaned loudly, arching herself into his body, and he placed a strong hand on the small of her back to pull her in.

she thought that if toji pulled her in any closer, they would surely melt into each other and become one.

her legs parted of their own accord, and her hips were pure instinct as she ground her slick pussy on his thigh, the ridges of the powerful muscle stimulating her perfectly and sending jolts of pleasure through her core. toji smiled against her nipple, giving it one last suck, let it go with an audible pop! and traveled back up to her face, his lips brushing hers.

“who knew,” he whispered, pressing soft kisses along the bridge of her nose. “that all this would happen from drinking green tea.”

she giggled, and held his face in her hands, bringing his lips back home to hers. “i need you, toji,” she breathed out, breaking their kiss. “can i have you?”

toji smiled, touched his forehead to hers and murmured, “you can always have me, sweetheart. tell me what you want.”

“i want you in me,” she begged, her arousal making her more desperate by the second. “i’m yours, toji. make me yours.”

he snapped.

his lips captured hers once more in a searing kiss so molten hot, she was sure she would burn and be consumed by his fire. toji’s hands moved down to himself, freeing his hard cock from his boxers with a tiny slap noise as it hit against her lower stomach. he pressed his hips into her and settled in between her legs, his hard and flushed dick feeling even hotter against her skin than his lips did.

toji moved his hips, his cock wetting against her folds, the slick sounds lewd and utterly intoxicating, as he pushed further into her with every back and forth motion.

further.

and further.

she moaned loudly as he finally sunk deep into her wet walls, painfully slow and deliciously agonising.

“oh, fuck baby,” toji groaned, his face in her neck, as he buried himself to the hilt. “you’re -ah!- so fuckin beautiful. my beautiful girl.”

her nails dug into his shoulder, and toji bent her legs to fold them, rutting further into her. she whined at the deeper connection, feeling his cock flex inside her. he stilled with their chests pressed tightly together, and she could feel his heart pumping hard.

“t-toji,” she gasped, throwing her head back as she felt his balls against the curve of her ass, the tip of his dick rubbing against that spongy spot that made her see stars behind her eyelids.

he started shallowly thrusting, deliberately slow, holding her head so lovingly she felt she was going to burst. this was heaven, she thought, toji was heaven – her phi. the golden ratio, found in all remarkable and beautiful things on the planet. all her life, all the combinations of numbers, formulas, and sequences had to have been carefully calculated to lead up to him, to this moment.

toji sucked and kissed just below her ear, his muscled thighs flexing as he increased the pace just a fraction, and she clenched around him as she felt the veins of his cock rubbing exquisitely inside her. she tightly squeezed his bicep as the sounds of her squelching pussy and slapping of their bodies filled the room, and the smell of sex and toji filled her nose.

“look at us,” he cooed, stroking her cheek. “makin such a mess on your bed.”

she looked down to the interconnected bodies, a ring of white cream at the base of toji’s cock pumping in and out of her, dripping down onto a damp spot on the bedsheets underneath them. his toned abs had a thin sheen of sweat, and they flexed and rippled as he really started to pound into her. her pussy clenched around him again at the thought of him chasing his pleasure high from her body. she kissed him fervently, and he moaned into her mouth. toji’s balls were tightening, and her orgasm was exponentially building, like the pressure of boiling water molecules hitting the walls of a sealed container.

“let go, baby” toji murmured huskily, his hips snapping at an even faster pace. “let go.”

and she did, throwing her head back and almost screaming as her legs shook violently.

a supernova imploded somewhere at the other end of a distant universe. stars flew across the blackness behind her squeezed-shut eyelids, leaving behind a glittering trail of stardust. toji groaned into her neck, and she felt hot ropes of his cum spurt against her walls, his legs the only thing powering his body through his high.

she wrapped her arms around his neck as he stilled, half-hard cock still plugged inside her, panting into each other as their shared sweat made them stick to each other.

“i love you,” toji whispered, full of reverence and life.

she kissed him softly, rubbing their noses together. “i love you too.”

| Φ |

it was early july now; their results had been released, and graduations were finally right around the corner.

“you should go toji!” she exclaimed, cupping her mug of lukewarm tea with both hands, watching intently from the sofa as he did some stretches. “you’ve worked so hard for this.”

he grunted, but from effort or annoyance, she didn’t know. “i can’t be bothered, seriously, and i’m not interested in standing on a stage and be the only person without parents cheering them on.”

she didn’t press it further, casting one last longing look at his muscles rippling as he stretched, and resumed looking through internship advertisements on her laptop. they had settled into an oddly domestic routine for the past few weeks. she would work in the cafe during the day, while toji trained at the gym. he would swing by and pick her up as she finished work in the early afternoon, and they would cook dinner and hang around the dorm. the weather was getting far too hot for leisurely walks during the day, so they had mostly passed that time making love and talking about everything and nothing.

toji kissed the top of her head, squatting behind her and clearly finished with his stretches, his eyes skimming over the current tab open on her laptop. “still nothin, baby?”

she sighed, rubbing his hand that was gently massaging her shoulder. “no.”

“you’ll find something, don’t worry. it’ll happen. let’s just focus on celebrating your graduation next week.”

her graduation.

she still couldn’t believe it. next week, she would be graduating, and the week after that, saying goodbye to her accommodation – her home – for the last three years of her life. saying farewell to her manager and the little cafe that had been so good to her, and not just because it had brought her and toji together. the stress was mounting to find something, anything, in tokyo, because she refused to even entertain the idea of going backwards and returning home.

and because she absolutely could not bear to be so far away from toji either, the thought alone was soul-crushing.

she heard the shower faucet running in the bathroom, and a wave of loneliness hit her. why exactly, she wasn’t sure, but she chased after toji into the bathroom.

he stared as she burst in, brow raised in startled confusion as soap suds ran down his face and back. “what? you find somethin?”

clothes be damned, she stepped into the shower and kissed him with all the energy and emotion she could muster. toji was taken aback for a second, hesitatingly circling his arms around her, and then giving into her.

she then decided; she would rather her body combust, and all her atoms disperse into the atmosphere before even trying to live without toji fushiguro.

| Φ |

it was the night before her graduation, and she was a nervous wreck.

“oh, toji,” she gushed, dipping the razor she was holding into a bowl of soapy water and giving it a little shake. “i hate getting up in front of people. i might just not go. it doesn’t really matter anyway, does it?”

toji hummed, brows furrowed at her, but remained unable to respond unless he wanted to get soap in his mouth. she flicked the excess water from the razor and carefully shaved underneath toji’s chin. he’d really let his stubble grow out, and since he was adamant about attending her graduation, it meant that the scruff would just have to go.

“nugh- y’re goin,” toji mumbled through pursed lips. “y’re too shmart t'not go.”

“and you’re too smart to have missed yours, but here we are,” she retorted, her tongue poking out from the side of her lip in concentration. “now stop talking, or you’ll get cut.”

toji grumbled and huffed from his nose, sending a soap sud flying onto her bare arm, and he snorted in amusement. she was sat on top of the kitchen counter next to the sink, with toji standing in between her legs, his hands kneading her plush thighs every so often. she was deep in thought, going through her mental checklist of everything she needed to prepare for tomorrow morning.

her light green kimono for the ceremony was already laid out on her roommate's old bed, zori shoes and tabi socks neatly placed beside it. but her hair pins and accessories still needed to be picked out, and she hadn’t even decided on a-

“ow, fuck!”

she snapped out of her thoughts as toji hissed in pain, ruby-red pearls of blood already blooming from his lip.

oh no…

please god, no...

she’d cut his scar, reopening the top layer of delicate flesh.

“toji! fuck, i’m sorry,” she panicked, as he pulled away from her in a flash, his fingers pressing down on his lip. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to!

she slid off the counter, immediately trying to go over and help him, but toji practically growled, “don’t fucking touch me.”

her body froze, a cold shock of dread spreading from her head straight down to her stomach where it pooled uncomfortably. “toji?” she called out, her heart cracking and lip quivering. “it’s me. it’s only me.”

she’d never seen him like this before, backed up against the wall like an injured animal, his green eyes widened, breathing quickened, and nostrils flared, as if he was about to lash out at anything and everything. he met her worried gaze, and there was nothing but coldness and emptiness. there was no trace of the boy she knew and loved. “oh, toji. please,” she begged, fat droplets of tears running down the apples of her cheeks. "let me help you."

toji madly scrambled away, grabbing his shoes, and was out the door as if he’d never been there to begin with.

| Φ |

toji never came home last night.

she’d fallen asleep on the sofa, after calling him numerous times with no answer, waiting for him to walk back through the door until she couldn’t possibly keep her eyes open any longer. when she woke up groggily, her eyes still heavy from sleep and crying, she went about the arduous task of getting herself ready for graduation.

she hoped, no, prayed to the angels solving her equation to apply a magic formula that would bring toji back to her. she had to believe he would show up to the ceremony; he just had to show. she didn’t even want to think about trying to calculate for the probability of him not showing up. the day past in a hazy, slow blur of camera flashes, ostentatious flower bouquets, and toothy grins of parents and graduates. she played the part perfectly, a walking empty shell of a human, hugging and smiling with her loved ones. when her name was called to receive her diploma, nothing else mattered except trying to catch a glimpse of toji’s face in the audience.

but she couldn’t see him, and a foolish part of her hoped that he was simply standing right at the back, wearing that soft smile she loved so much whenever he looked at her.

she eventually returned back to her dorm in a numb daze, blinking slowly as her eyes swept over her soon-to-be-old home.

there was no trace of toji.

not his black sliders by the door.

not his toothbrush in the holder in the bathroom.

not his canvas bag or dirty gym clothes in the washing basket.

nothing at all.

she collapsed to the floor in a heap, her hands shakily procuring her phone from her clutch purse, and dialled toji’s number.

beep. beep. beep.

“sorry, but the number you have called does not exist. ple-”

she snapped her phone shut, and hoped that her angels could hear the gut-wrenching scream that clawed its way out of her throat and reverberated around the empty walls of the dorm.

| Φ |

the first law of thermodynamics states that energy could never be created or destroyed, only changing from one form to another.

she thought of that as she remained curled into a fetal position on the cold, hard tiles, teeth chattering and the very marrow of her bones frozen solid. her fingernails had dug crescent moons into her palm, so hard she surely must have bled by now, but she didn’t care. her heart was tearing itself apart, a war of muscle and heartstrings against merciless, cruel love clashing inside of her chest.

her energy, what was it? was it inherently love? for perhaps the numbers and greek letters she had puzzled over for hours on end, contemplating all of the universe's workings and mysteries. or was it for toji fushiguro? for the dark-haired boy who had taught to her love something else other than her calculations and green tea. to love life and all the little joys that came along with it, and that she was worth so much more than she gave herself credit for.

if her energy was love, then what was it going to change into?

hate or rage? both? maybe the angels would mercifully apply the catastrophic formula of death instead, proving her equation to be null and false, and her body would dissolve back into dust and atoms. atoms that would find their way back to toji, hovering so closely to him, but never touching him again. would his body know hers, even if he could never hope to see her? would he sense her and smile, and remember the quiet, young love they had once shared?

her teeth clattered loudly, and her arms disappeared into the sleeves of her kimono.

how strange, she thought, that the music was the loudest it had ever been.

scratching of quills.

a splash of ink and a teardrop.

and the scroll was flipped over to a blank side.

| Φ |

©storiesoflilies 2024, all rights reserved. please do not plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my work on other sites! i only post on ao3 and tumblr.

[porcalinecunt]

THE NAGI THROAT FUCKING. POR FAVOR.

especially when he's tired and eepy after trainings. but just when he sees your sleeping figure, he can't help getting a hard on. you, in one of his huge dress shirts that he wore recently. even in your sleep, you entice him with the curves outlining his shirt and the soft snores coming out of your mouth. there, he sits next to you for a while. contemplating whether or not to do it.

"just a little will do," he nods.

please continue cuz im busy running laps rn here's my request to you please PLEAAAASE nagi consensual somno throat fucking just the tip your post just gave me rabies

thank you for reading my request hehe (＾ω＾)

𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄.

💌 `` ~ ୨୧ ♡ · ~ nagi, exhausted and sweaty from training, coming home to your sleeping figure when an idea popped into his head.

✟ 𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎 𝐗 𝐆𝐍!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

✟ 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖

𝐜𝐰 — timeskip!nagi, somnophillia (consent being explicitly established.), sound kink(?), oral sex, blowjobs.

𝐚/𝐧 ❥ tysm for the request nonie! i’ve been having nagi brainrot for the past few days and this only made it worse, i couldn’t ignore this! i hope you enjoy this, i had fun writing this. 🤍

How could he resist?

Walking into his shared bedroom, he stopped dead in his tracks once his eyes fell onto your sleeping figure. Curled up in a fetal position, your knees touching your chest and hands resting comfortably beside your head.

Your body twitched and little noises squeaked out of your mouth, much to Nagi’s adoration. However, it was what you wore to sleep that made his cheeks flush a bit.

You adorned one of his dress shirts, specifically, the one he wore not too long ago. It was so much larger on your smaller body, yet the fabric sunk into your curves and details that Nagi always loved about you. It still had his cologne, filling your nose with his scent, almost like if he was laying right beside you.

He almost forgot the hard on that was now obvious.

“Shiiit. What a pain.”

He sighed, plopping down next to you. Staring at your face, his eyes landed on your lips. Pouting with your cheeks squished against the pillow, an idea popped into his head.

Digging into his pants, Nagi fished out his leaking cock. Painfully hard and the tip flushed and wet with precum, he gave it a couple strokes as he continued to stare at you. He hissed, holding back his moans but ultimately failed when one slipped past his lips.

“Just a little will do.”

He thinks about two nights ago, when you randomly popped the question if he was okay with somno. originally hesitant, worried that he’ll scare you, he was on edge about it. however, you reassured him. Reminding him about your trust in him, enough that you know he wouldn’t do such a thing. Nagi wouldn’t hurt a fly, and neither would he hurt you.

With that, he inched the tip near your lips till they touched. Precum made them glossy, as he lightly slaps and rubs his tip against them. He hummed, almost hoping you’d wake up and take it all at once.

After testing the waters, he gently pushed it past your lips as your mouth falls open, allowing him to shove his whole tip in. He threw his head back, sighing out a groan. He couldn’t help but slowly push in a little more, enough for your cheeks to puff up from them being filled. He watched in awe as he pulled out a bit before thrusting his cock back in.

As he fucked your small mouth, small mewls and quite moans came out of you, going straight to his dick. You were enjoying this.

Fuck it, at this point, Nagi couldn’t hold back anymore. Using one hand to hold your head while using the other to stroke his cock, he sunk himself into your mouth. A loud gasp startled him, as he looked down to see your face. Wide awake, with surprised eyes and a deep hue of red that covered your face.

“Did i wake you?”

He groaned, adjusting himself so you wouldn’t choke. You sat upright till you were on your knees, staring up at your boyfriend with syrupy eyes. You lazily dragged your tongue against his shaft, still groggy and heavy eyed. Bobbing your head up and down till your nose touched his fine hairs and your fingers curled into the sheets.

Nagi watched you drown in his ecstasy, so obedient and so needy even in your sleep. Makes him wonder if you were secretly waiting for him to come home and slap his pretty cock in your face. No wonder why he couldn’t wait till morning to fix his little problem.

“We should do this more often, hm? Don’t you think angel?”

[seiwas]

what are your top 5 favorite things about life at the moment? (:

hello nonie!! 🥺 thank you for asking 🥺 this is such a sweet, thoughtful question!!

my relationship with my bf, that despite 6 years together, our bond really has only gotten better 🥹

good and meaningful relationships with people i value! i love that my friends are like family and that their families treat me like family too 🥺

the friends i've made on here 🥺 it's always such a joy hearing from everyone; i've made good friends on here that i now consider even more than just tumblr friends 🥺

nature. i'm a huge lover of the natural world and find myself the most connected and at peace when i'm surrounded by it. i love beaches and walking along shorelines with an immaculate sunset; i love hiking mountains to catch a view of the sunrise.

the lifestyle i get to live—a good workout in, my morning matcha everyday, yummy and healthy food, and some time to work on my hobbies while still balancing work and exploring new opportunities!!

ask me my top 5 or 10 of anything!!

[b1mbodoll]

"big buff stepbro gets bitched by sis" I STARTED GIGGLING OUT LOUD OMG!!!!!! u r literally insane for this i was smiling the whole time i was reading (i am unwell!)

omg stepbro!matt who cant stop thinking abt how you used him right in front of god and feels so guilty that he wants it to happen again bcs he loves feeling you around him and seeing your cum on his cock :( probably fist jerks himself off just remembering it! and even if he goes and repents his sins for the both of you he cant help stealing the same pair of underwear from that day so he can fill it up with his cum just for you <3

love 🎀 anonie!

pairings: seok matthew x f! reader

warnings: stepcest + sacrilege + masturbation + guilt + overstimulation + creampies + dacryphilia

💌: im giggling with u nonie ^^ its just so attractive thinking ab bringin big strong stepbro! matt to his knees without even doing anything, jus lookin pretty for him <3 anyway hope u enjoy dis :*

you decide to leave matthew alone for a couple days, avoiding him at home and answering his questions with vague replies, loving the way his face falls when you refuse to acknowledge him. he’s so afraid that he’s scared you off n decides to get on your good side by gifting you expensive things n sweet treats, smiling when you accept his presents. his sweet gifts slowly become more and more perverted, leaves cumstained panties or plushies drenched in his thick seed on ur bed n afterwards he feels disgusting, gets on his knees n prays for forgiveness bc how could he jerk off to the thought of his stepsister :(

it gets to the point where matthew can no longer resist temptation and fucks his fist almost every day while scrolling through your instagram. you catch him doing this one day and he tears up because he’s so sorry and you probably think he’s a sicko now. you feel so bad (and so horny) n wipe his tears, pressing a wet kiss on his lips to shut him up, reassuring him that ���‘s okay matty, i’ll make you feel good” and when you get on your knees to suck him off he cums at the sight, globs of semen spurting across ur sweet face. matthew blushes n squeezes his eyes shut, his cheeks n chest flushed as you start to tease him n tell him how u were looking forward to feeling him fill you up with cum :(

he shoots up immediately, strong arms gripping your waist as he switches position, laying you on the bed. says he won’t disappoint you n buries his cock in your pussy, moaning before starting to thrust shallowly so he doesnt blow his load earlier again. fills you up over n over til he’s overstimulated n his cum leaks out of you in a steady stream.

[kumezyzo]

angst Sapnap fic where singer!reader publishes an album after their breakup and Sapnap is listening to it knowing the songs are about him?

its sad, really. you two didn't break up because of a horrible fight that went too far or an unfair infidelity. you broke up because of your schedules. you would go months without seeing each other, each one of you respectively getting sucked up into your work. texts and calls slowly growing smaller and shorter with too much time passing between each one. so you two decided it would be easier to break up.

there was no bargaining or begging the other stay. no promises to make more of an effort to stay in contact. and dont take it the wrong way. You two didn't do this because that spark was gone, but because that spark, that love, was burning too strong for either of you to hold each other back.

maybe it's true that neither of you dated for a while after. maybe you each cried for hours and mourned the loss of what could have been. but it's known that when someone has experienced heartbreak in a way that could never be described, they turn to what they're best at. their escape.

your ex-boyfriend worked on himself, physically that is, and threw himself into longee recording sessions. people argued it was the best era of his career in those months after you two split.

and you poured your soul into writing your music. creating melodies where people could feel your sorrow. when you tried to write about something else, it kept coming back to him. the image of his green eyes and the sound of his beautiful laugh oozing through music. and in the deepest part of your files, you ignored the song you were writing for him before you split.

the album you put out six months after the breakup was your best selling. people's theories of it being about him turned out to be true, and it gave everyone the insight that it was simply the case of the right person at the wrong time. a peak into your love.

but it wasn't that simple. in fact, it was too complex for anyone to truly understand and feel your feelings through the speakers of their phones or earbuds. but he understood it.

he listened to it on stream to "show his support" but grew morbidly silent after hearing the first two tracks. he was tempted to turn off the stream, crawl into bed, and listen to your voice as if you were singing directly to him and only him.

and in a way, you were. the laughing on the last track on the album was meant for him. who else would know it was from the one night you two went on a late night ice cream run and thought to 'vlog it'. who else would know that the title of the song was one that he had come up with when you asked him the simple question, "what would you want me title a song if i made one about you?"

"nickles," he responded, "because my name is Nick."

who else would know that the title of the album was Spare Change, not because what you felt for him was like the unwanted almost valueless money at the bottom of your bag, but because you had so much leftover love for him. you had so much love for him that you would find it in random places, and you couldn't get rid of it.

sorry if this isn't what you asked for, im just in a weirdly poetic mood 😭😭 i hope you guys enjoyed, tho! this was really fun to write. and i guess im kinda back? idk dont get your hopes up 😅 -Nony