#i miss them so much u dint get it... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nightswithkookmin · 4 years

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Hello Goldy 💜 So JK dint post for Jin and so does Tae. Both of them di t post for Jinins bday also. Whats going on here ? I dont understand if JK and Tae have been banned from posting on their boyfriends bday. As u can tell i am both Jikook and Taejin shipper. What do u think is happening or should i say not happening.

This topic...

Hold on, lemme put on my tinfoil hat:

I got nothing. Lol.

Secondly, aaaaah Tae Kook!

Lol. Tae Kook. The evil power duo of BTS, my favorite rageddy boogie men of ship street Avenue, PPP- pathological party poopers of Bangtan fantasyland- stomping on shipper's parade, putting commas in people's hopes and dreams. Y'all didn't get the memo? When we said y'all be snatching hearts, this is not the kind of horror heart snatching we was talking about! Y'all ratchet for this shit. Lol.

Someone give them the memo. Atatatatatat.

Lmho.

I mean for Jk, I've already speculated a few times- several times now, how I feel he's kind off been on a self assertive journey since late 2019 and coupled with a lot of things I felt was happening with him, Jimin and group around that period, that him not posting for the members' birthdays sort of make a lot of sense to me.

I've also speculated on what I felt was going on with Kook, RM and Tae around JM's birthday this year, so Tae not posting for JM also sort of made sense to me?

Tae missed Jimin's birthday as well. It would have been 'problematic' in today's social media climate if he posted for any body else within the group after that. It's the same with JK when he missed Jin's birthday last December- had he posted for anybody else, I'm afraid several trucks would have been sent to BigHit HQ demanding his head on a spike. Chileee.

Can't blame them though. Even the members themselves, during 2017 Festa, descended hard on JK for gifting a present to Jimin and not the others- they pay attention to these things, you know? Jin in his recent VLive had said he had been up waiting for texts and all- or something along the lines of that, and I'm pretty sure he pays attention to who posts what on their Twitter account on his birthday. Well we know Jimin does this too. Lol.

You don't need to be a mad scientist to figure out that one member posting for another and not the others would make the members feel some kind of way about it even if they don't say it out loud.

Frankly, like I said, I feel they set themselves up for this shit- miss one, miss them all or risk solo stans coming for your ass. That's how we roll on these fang gang streets. Lol.

But for Kook, I sort of felt his was deliberate- may be an impulsive decision at the time, but deliberate nonetheless. I mean he had all 24 hours post Jin's birthday to belate that shit- better late than never, but he didn't do that.

Whatever had transpired within that period- which I've speculated on in past posts, I feel that had pushed him to his breaking point and had incentivized him or propelled him to reel back, reevaluate his goals, intentions, purpose, calling- whatever you wanna call it, and eventually had embarked on a journey to reassert himself and take back control of his life all throughout 2020- until recent times...

- Y'all see Jikook's dynamics have flipped again post Jimin's birthday right? Clear your schedules. We gone talk. Soon. Muhahaha.

I don said, Jikook have/had been asserting themselves against eachother and against the group this year. And for Jk, that self assertion would come in the form of him putting up boundaries and reinforcing already existing boundaries among other things, which would in turn require him demanding and demonstrating his independence from anything and anyone he had relinquished his self autonomy to- prior to. In my opinion.

I'm gonna step on a few toes here and regurgitate, JK didn't just take a step back from his life, he took a step back from Jimin as well, in my opinion- I can literally hear temperatures rising. Chilee. Lmho.

It's easy to lose yourself in the process of loving someone. And when you love this person more than you love yourself, in the thick of love, under heavy public and peer scrutiny, where you are being told to change this and that about yourself everyday and everytime as a prerequisite for being able to love this person you want within a group; then you are bound to end up with nothing but the total eradication of who you are at your core or at least a drift away from your true self and the expressions of it... Sigh.

I mean all the, 'try not to be so possessive, he's our friend too' 'operation neutralize Jikook' 'chilee, don't lean too much into him, this is an award' 'I've got Jimin, restrain Kook' 'oh I think you stared too long here' 'look away' 'you got him a present, why didn't you get us any' 'is that your heart eyes?' 'Tuck it away' 'why do you film Jimin a lot?' 'use this person, not Jimin for your GCF if you want the clicks' 'GCF in Tokyo? How about OT7 in wherever mate?' - all these little tweaks and adjustments he's had to make to his personality and his expressions of self in order to hide his relationship within the group climaxes honestly. In my opinion. And late 2019 to me was that peak for JK. Again, in my opinion.

Changes like these don't come drastically. They creep up on you. Its slippery slope till you're caught knee deep in the mud. For instance, notice when the members complained about him not caring for them because he hadn't presented them with gifts like he did Jimin, he had agreed immediately to give them presents in the future in order to not answer to their question of why he had chosen to give just Jimin a present. That compromise to me was one of the early signs of him losing his authenticity. In my opinion.

Jimin and the members were quick to point out that he didn't have to do that because giving and gifting were not obligations and honestly they were right. He doesn't have to do things if he doesn't want to.

That's the paradox of Jungkook. He does the things he wants to do without shame and he is fearless and unapologetic about it. But you see, he is also often very passive when it comes to the things he doesn't want to do and would hesitate in insisting on his boundaries until he is pushed to his limits- from my observation of his interactions with the members and I think Suga and RM have talked about this too.

A classic example of this is his conversation with Jimin about their friendship- when Jimin said they were in between love and friends. His hesitation was a sign he was uncomfortable with that description but he didn't assert himself over it.

Another example would be Jimin saying during their log that he was taking a liking to JK- JK didn't react as much but JM turning to ask him if he was ok with him saying things like that was a sign they had had the talk about 'boundaries.'

JK is a very assertive person but his position as the youngest within the group places a lot of restrictions on his assertiveness I feel.

We talk a lot about Jimin being Kumbaya and sacrificing a lot of their personal happiness for the good of the group- well, I've been talking. Y'all don't say shit much- fuxking lurkers 😒 y'all suck. Lol. [Delete before you post, you idiot. They don't know you like that]

Anywho, we often talk about Jimin in this context but we- by we, I mean I, don't talk enough about all the ways JK often sacrifices his authenticity for the Kumbaya of the group as well. But unlike Jimin, I feel JK does it so he can keep his glass closet- fucking whippidy whip whipped. Lol.

And it's crazy because that sacrifice he makes of his true feelings and it's expression is what often leads people to question whether he acts exclusively with JM at all.

Often I hear shippers complain about how he did this with Jimin but he did similar thing with another member- listen, if you've heard JK sigh upon seeing RM imitating his mannerisms to try to neutralize his nonverbal gestures around Jimin, you'd understand what exclusivity means for him.

And when, you think about that he had to apologize to and explain himself for choosing to wear his man's bag over another member- it's not hard to see where his authentic self began to erode- It started from the moment the apologies begun. Never apologize for who you are- class dismissed. Lol.

Then he goes on to talk about losing his passions for his GCFs, his music- this is a person everyone within the group had said is or was the most passionate member within the group... You gotta wonder where it all went wrong. Know what I mean? Come on work me. I'm writing this at 2am. Lol.

I think Jimin was right when he said giving should never be a task. You should give from your heart and from your own free will. Not for show, and certainly not to please anyone.

Wishing a member a happy birthday should never be a duty, task or obligation- especially when such moments and expressions of it has become performative over the years rather than as true expressions of the love and affections they have for eachother- ok, I'm dozing off now. Lmho.

I mean let's face it, posting on Twitter for eachother has become more of a culture and an established tradition within the group that sentimental members within the group hold on to.

The birthday twitter post has been hijacked and lowkey/highkey advances the OT7 kumbaya agenda BigHit is bent on pushing and sells the BTS bromance fantasy to us rather than an actual representation of their love for eachother. In my opinion. I could be wrong about this.

JK asserting himself would mean him choosing not to participate in expressions that to him are performative, shallow and lacks depth whatsoever.

I know what you are gonna say- but but Jimin's birthday. But but but nothing. Lol. I have said I felt he was going to post for Jimin's birthday. Dude geared up for it with the 5/8 and everything.

And given as he's been on a journey to do the things he wants to and to pursue meaning in his expressions of self within the group, I feel and I believe he believes wishing his man a happy birthday on social is meaningful- Confirmation bias this shit. Lol.

Not that the act itself is meaningful, but that the act holds meaning to Jimin. I think I've talked extensively about Jimin and how important his birthday is to him. The only reason I feel he wouldn't or didn't post for him was if Jimin had asked him not to- which I believe he did. Posting for Jimin would have been tantamount to outing their relationship gangster style. Lol.

And we all know how the members feel about that. Smirk.

So no, I don't think he's been banned from posting for his man's birthday. I think this is him deciding not to partake in performative expressions of love- perhaps because that has never been him?

I don't know for Tae's Journey. His decision not to post feels very random to me. Who knows, he and JK have been talking a lot lately it seems and getting closer post Sope. So if you ask me, this perhaps is him taking a page out of JK's self help book and pursuing that authenticity of self expressions I've talked about?

I mean he did do awesome things for Jin's birthday so I don't think we can complain much. Getting his friends to wish Jin a happy birthday certainly pulls weight over a second post on Twitter. Jin got a birthday party with the members, RM had the same.....

The thing that bothers me and my friends over here about Jikook's incident is the lack of closure after that traumatizing experience.

With the others JK didn't post for, at least we got to see him in a VLive with them interacting and just giving us moments here and there. So even if he didn't post, we know he was with them and they shared the memory of that day together- which I feel is what we shippers want. For them to show eachother love- whatever way they express it.

With Jimin- Nada. Zero. Zilch. We got nothing my guy. Jimin didn't share any insight or give any details remotely resembling closure for us. We were hoping for a bangtan bomb or Episode but nothing so far. I hate it here.

We didn't get to see JK showing the love we know he feels for Jimin- he's proven time and again he loves that man. We didn't get to see them share the memories of that day together. Not even through narration- Jimin, you sonova bish! Lol.

Would I ever move on from that incident? No.

Do I want to move on from that incident- chileee I've been trying. It would haunt me for the rest of my Jikook life. Lol. I still get get nightmares thinking about it and it's Christmas. Sigh.

I think we would have to observe rather than anticipate how they choose to express and communicate their love for one another- especially Jikook and by extension Taejin- chilee Anon, I respect your hustle. Lol.

I don't blame you though. I mean sometimes Jin be looking like he wants to gobb-ok

What was your question again? Lol. I hope I answered it. Chilee. Keep supporting Jikook.

Signed,

GOLDY

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hollypies · 3 years

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I don't really know how to ask but do you have any advice for new artists?

Uhm, yeah!!

Im not the best at explaining, but I'll try to make sense!!

Alright so. First thing is like, what style you want to draw or what style you already might have! I used to look at a bunch of different artists and find ones I liked and then note littke things they did. Say like, you like the way they draw hair or clothes, or how they shade, and you take the things you like, draw it and change it to suite your style even more! All artists do this I think, its like. It's just something we do!

Shading is also really important! You don't have to shade of course, but for me personally it's my favorite part! This is some advice I got from a friend a few years ago when I was just starting digital qrt. Try to avoid shading with grays and blacks. It can look good for some things, and if it fits what you're you're anf uou like it, keep doing it! But it doesn't alwasy fit. It can make your characters or scenery look dark or scuffed. If you wsnt to use a dark color but you don't wanna use black alwasy go for a color that goes well with the current colors anf! Make it a lot darker !

Another thing about shading is figuring where you want the light and where you want the dark. And what I mean by that is which side has shadow and which doesn't! This is another thing I was taught ! My old friend Sea (who's art was amazing and I looked up to them) used give a lot of advice, so most of the stuff I learned comes from them or just me playing around in ibisxpaint.

Alright! Next is anatomy!! There's a few things to remember so I gonna make it as simple as I can! For people I alwasy start with more or less basic shapes. Use a circle for the head (you can use other shapes as well!!) And then put lines where the face will be looking. This helps later when you're actually drawing the face. Also use basic shaped for the body and hips. I personally use squares and rectangles, but like I said!! Use other shaped to for more dynamic shapes! I'm trying tk to that as well so !!

Here's just some other basic things I picked up on. Hands alwasy go a little below the waist, so when I draw the arms and hands somewhere else I always picture in my head where it'll be. This is a littke hard to explain haha but! You can also use your own arm or look at references! You only need the basics for anatomy in my opinion, because if everyone was straight on all the time it'd hurt some character designs. It can help your character look more stylised!! So when drawing dknt worry to much and just keep the general position and then stretch it to how you wanna look!

I cant draw feet so I can't help you with that sorry :(

Legs are fairly easy though! Ok so when I'm using my first name sketch I like to also use a shape for the base of the waist. It helps with remembering where to start the legs and also it helps with knowing how long the arms have to be. Look at references if you need to, either of real people or how others draw! That helps a lot.

Kinda being a hypocrite because I don't normally use references 🙃

And how could I forget!! The face!! Faces qre fun to draw , but they can be a littke tricky. I used to struggle with them because I started out as a cat artist. It was.. the only thing I drew. So remember that!! Eye position matters. I mean the pupil bt that haha. My friend Sea once. Informed me that the way I used to draw eyes was wrong. One was bigger than the other and the way the pupils and irises were positioned made all my characters look cross eyed. Harsh to say to a twelve year old but it was true .

Q good way to check eyes is to flip your art around! This also helps with anatomy I general but it's very useful for the face! Once you see whats wrong or if it doesn't look how you want, fix it on that side and then flip it back. It may take a few minutes of tweaking but! It works reallt well!!

Go ham with the mouth honestly! Do whatever! Just remember that teeth do curve in the mouth

And finally! Ears 😬. I used to really struggle with ears. You don't alwasy have to draw the ears, you can cover them with hair and such, but it is good to figure it out! Ears are on the middle of the head. Like. Ok so where the eyes are! Use the eyes as a guide as to where to put the ears. Thats what do I but id recommend looking into it further due to it taking me years to figure it out 😔

Hand hands. Yeah. I dont have anything for that I'm sorry ! I'd say just learn the basic shape of a hand and figure it out. That's literally all I did and im still not sure I know how I did it.

ALSO DINT FORGET TO STRETCH YOUR WRISTS OR U WILL PAIN :[

And the advice that generally makes people mad. Practice ! I'm. Im q self taught artist, and ever since I was littke I just. Drew on my own. I practiced anf changed styles a lot to get where I am now, but I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't been dedicated. It helps that I enjoy making art and I like putting out there for people to see! But it does take a lot of time in the beginning. And you'll improve each time you draw!!

And as I've said, your art style is yours. You might find a way that is way different from anything I said, and that's good! There's tons of ways to do anatomy and figure out shading and just! Honestly just have fun with it :)

Also I won't be able to help with scenery and perspectives for rooms and. See I have derealization and it. It makes it hard to figure that out and its just. It's complicated for me ! I'd recommend asking someone else about that in particular!

Hope this helps! If there's anything specific I missed please tell me and I'll try to ! I'll try to help!

#holly answers #art advice #waah!! someones actually asking ME for advice 🥺💞?????#thas crazy haha!!#love u anon hope you figure it out!!#mwah mwah!!#sorry if this wasnt helpful #and i hope uou see this!!#if u do read the tags as well hello 👁💗💗💗💗💗#long post #this was a littke hard to write because i have trouble reading anf. comprehending what i read so i really really hope this helped

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fart-gate · 4 years

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SGA

Season 4 episode 17

Notes by me

- PREVIOUSLY - the Mckay-Carter Intergalactic Gate Bridge! AKA my smart kids made a pit stop in between earth and atlantis

- hey teyla 😚 havnt seen u in a while

- wow she had to deal with sexist dicks and I wouldve punched them too

- TEALC MY LOVE 💟💖💟💖💟💖💟💖💟💖💟💖💟💖💟💖💖💟💖💟💖

- "indeed" I MISSED YYYOOUUU

- tealc and ronon stare off

- why does ronon look pissed

- hes there to help u ya dingus

- wraith!!!!!

- tealc forcing his company on ronon is hilarious

- DAMN RONON CHILL

- "RONON!" uh oh here comes dad john

- the constant staring is so funny

- I'm placing my bet on tealc!

- "hes like a hundred years old or something" try like 250

- man WHAT is ronons problem

- tealc proud of Sam :')

- wraith!!!!

- dr lee 💕

- telac and ronon standing next to dr lee just makes them seem more huge

- the bunks beds I'm losing it

- WRAITH!!!!!

- *silently watching the 3 stooges*

- uuhhh two gun wielding giant muscle men are on my screen. I mean do they hate sleeves or ?? I'm not complaining tho. The writers really know what we want huh

- I'm loving this. My two badass non earthians

- dint hurt dr lee!!! I'll kill u myself

- worried!Sam worried!John

- oh no the nameless side character died

- walter!!💕

- sgc has been compromised !!!

- ronon in the sgc 💗💗💗💗crossovers are the BEST

- this will look really good for ronons credit

- "you say that alot......'indeed' "

"Do I? I hadnt noticed"

- I'm cackling at how much snark ronon put into his impression of tealc. The body movement. The facial expression. Beautiful

- tealc using ronons gun!!!!!

- oh nice job kavanagh!! Why arent u dead yet

- why is coolidge the only one awake? Is it for plot reasons. So he sees ronon in action and lets him stay? I hope so

- John self sacrifice???? Sufficating 👀

- rodneys face when john doesnt answer 😭😭😭😭

- "not without tealc"

- BITCH THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!!!!

- I'm loving Rodney being the soldier guy who is in charge of the scientists. Roles reversed is great!

- John what the???? How did he get inti that suit

- ronon RIPPING a pipe off the wall and beating wraith with it

- "excellent timing"

"Indeed"

- ah no rip midway station :(

- yesss ronon stays bc he saved that asshole

- "I had a good coach" this is too much 😭

- wait ronons stuck at the sgc??

- John sealing himself in the front of the jumper bc he cant stand people is a mood

- I love ronons genuine smile?? Like his happy smile??? My heart does a lil skip

- "they said they liked me"

"Whats not to like?"

Thats what IM saying!

#stargate atlantis season 4 #john sheppard whump #a little tealc whump is always nice to see as well! -half eaten by a wraith saved by ronon-#whump

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shirotanis · 5 years

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imfact concert experience in athens

okok so a lot of my mutuals asked me for this so here i am to deliver! first things first, imfact are the first kpop idols to ever come in greece for a concert, so that means a lot to me, and i'll treasure the memory forever!

I'LL START WITH HI TOUCH BC WHY THE HECK NOOOT OK SO:

i was the first in my line so when they appeared they were literally a few cm away from me, i waved at them when nobody else did and TAEHO SMILED AT ME AND WAVED BACK LIKE HE LOOKED AT ME N WAVED FJSKFKSKF AND SO DID SANG???? i died 😔😔😔😔

First was Sang. Boy.. hes so buff n broad, his body is rly well built! He looked at me in the eyes and we high fived w both hands and i said 'i love you' and he smiled and said 'me too' fjskjsjfjs :(((( Next was Jian! I WAS KINDA SHOOK BY SANG BC HES MY BIAS WRECKER and i just touched his hands:( but as i was moving on i looked at him straight in the eyes and yelled 'YOURE SO HANDSOME ILY' and he SMILED SO BIG N BEAUTIFUL it was so adorable hfksfjsj🤒 THEN . TAEHO OK HEAR ME OUT he looks like a prince.. i mean we been knew but hes so much more handsome irl i kinda lost it when he looked at me and smirked bc let me tell you . the second i said 'wow' when i said him he SMIRKED.. anyways i said i love him and he said 'awh i love you too' still smirking but it turned into a soft smile that melted my insides ngl😔 NEXT WAS UNGJAE ok i dont really remember my interaction w him and i feel bad but i clearly remember him genuinely looking into my eyes ans and holding my hands n smiling! he was really really pretty up close as well!! LAST BUT NOT LEAST . MY BABY JEUP .. i was SO confident which i didnt expect, he went for a high five but me being me interwined fingers w him.. i was smiling SO BIG and he was too and we were looking into each others eyes for what felt like hours but no it was a few seconds only! I told him 'i love you so so much you make me happy thank u' and he said 'awh me too' AND HIS CHEEKBONES LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN HE SMILES GOD IM NOT OK???

OK FIRSTLY, WHEN THEY APPEARED ON STAGE I LOST IT????? i was rly close to the stage, 3rd row and i could see them CLEARLY bros they looked so freaking fine, cameras just dont do them justice what the fuck??? they looks like dolls no fucking shit, especially jian? his face looks rly manly n beautiful! they were all super model gorgeous oh my god im gonna cry thinking abt it:(

OK AT SOME POINT I WAS LIKE FOCUSED ON JEUP AND SCREAMING HIS NAME LIKE CRAZY and he noticed OFC like idols notice those things they spot their bitches... and he was coming a Lot my way and we locked eyes so many times it feels surreal thinking abt it rn 4 hours later but god did it happen..

they introduced themselves in greek and jian ??? was so good???? he talked a lot in greek i was taken aback by how good his pronounciaton was!! if im not mistaken everyone but jeup spoke greek ghskgjskf but its ok😔👊🏻

sang asked us whats the most delicious food in greece and everyone was like 'SOUVLAKI' or 'MOUSAKA' and bc there was a huge hustle hE GAVE THE MIC TO A FAN TO CHOOSE GJSKGKSKGJAJ SCREAM anyways i didnt hear which food they're gonna eat eventually but i hope they like n enjoy it:(💗

ok their solo stages... boy.. boy... jian performed taemin's want n he even sung it AND IT WAS SO SEXY N POWERFUL😭😭 jeup sung 'promise you' and i actually cried i think my friend got my crying on tape fjskgjsjf and taeho did a rly sexy dance n showed his abs hes ripped dont underestimate short guys lads😔 ungjae performed his song 'vanilla sky' which waa pretty sexy too, sang sung too but i dint remember what song fjdjfjjd rip:(

during their speeches i got really emo, they said they didnt expect so much love from greece, or that there would be any IFs here but we cheered a lot and they were really happy! They promised to come back too gjskfjs:((💘💘💘 jian called us Gods! He said 'i always knew about greek gods, but only now that i see you guys in front of us do i believe in them' JFKAJFKAK OK. OK THAT MADE ME EMO!!! jeup said 'we don't think we are too great, but seeing you guys makes us wanna become even better' (i think that's what he said or something along those lines basically) and i don't remember who but either taeho or sang said 'some people calls us stars, but you guys are the ones that shine so bright and move us' like.. how can you not love them?? they said thar with such genuine expression and tone too!!

they were great, honestly! I wish they were more popular, they have so much potential in them and many people just dont appreciate it:( they are absolutely talented and i am forever grateful for this experience, i miss them but also? love them with my entire heart

anyways im tired and i don't seem to remember anything else but i hope you giys can see them live too one if you get the chance, i promise you wont regret it!

#i also got a signed poster 😳😳#most pics i took sre rly meme-y icb i did this😔😔#but i took a shit tone of vids im happy #god im so happy for today #imfact #ungjae #jian #jeup #taeho #sang #imfactconcert #long post

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eternal-bangtan · 6 years

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Tag a quality blog, you’re it! Quality doesn’t mean that you have a lot of followers or get a lot of messages. It means that you’re nice to other people, and you deserve to be happy. If you get this message, someone is telling you that they love you as you are, and they don’t care how many followers you have. Send this to 15 blogs who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing will happen. But it’s just good to let someone know that you love them.

well hello there dear anon sorry ik it was sent couple days ago BUT I JUST GOT BACK HOME AND PREPARE UR ASS CUZ THIS LIST IS GONNA BE LLONG AS FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK upd. sorry i forgot that i dont follow that many blogs so my list is not gonna be as long as i said lmao

cuz i follow quality blogs only

lets start from the bottom of my following list

@jktaes @taevistic even tho tumblr unfollowed u r were still one of the first blogs i followec @the-trth-untold @softjeon @sin-taehyung @cyphertaehyungie @ohmykimtaetae @taeofcups @starry-tae hey tho do yall remember iitaekookii??? well its her new blog its few months old ok @jinsapeach @monosdarling @ghostykookz @joonspooky @jungkooksmoon @ktheaven @hobiswitch @babystaeguk @utopiajeon @jimingigglescnsavetheworld @holy-jinsus @kimnamtaejin @poutaes @bultaorreunee @jklovecult @wetbts @jjkguk @honeystae @jjeongukks @nj @honeylovecult @namseokis @gcfstae @knjspjm @cutelittleyoongi @kstaehyung @jungkpop @jins-kiss

also some of them make content and its great check their bios with links

or should u make their urls bold hmmmmmmmmm ok

another update i suppose that most of bold urls are not fucking bold from tumdbrle app?? dont think that i missed ur name if i know u make content its just tumbrlr being it usual self

oh im sure i fucked up with some of bold urls and mentions cuz im dumb today

some of them also make writing stuff and fanfics but im bad at knowing this cuz im picky ass bitch and i prefer taekook smut only 🤷‍♂️ still tho they have this info in bio

sorry if i dint mention u im really dumb today im not kidding i couldnt even make proper sentences for almost the whole day IDK

oh well tho shit happens

i love u ur blogs ur content or just u as a human being even tho i may not know u but u r still cool to me and well i followed u for a reason (even if i didnt mention u here)

❤️

here is me being happy oneyear ago but this is how i feel about following u rn and cuz im in a soft mood and cuz i miss my long dark hair a little

and no im not 17 thank u very much

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND THIO

i would love to SELF PROMOTE MY SECOND BLOG LMAO cuz well i like it u kno it woudl be weird if i didnt like stuff i make or just blog right?

so self loving hours @bangtanger

#ask #m:text #selfie

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ilygsd · 6 years

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260119

ok se he called this friday (25/1) and asked to hang and i suddenly got my shit together i applied for a job, i started to wrap his christmas gift and make him this ugly card and plan for tomorrow etc etc

he had this ugly mask on that day. like this fake ass personality he has when hes out and im like ok so this is how its gonna be

we didnt event all abt the breakup

i was this close tp breaking down in front of him

yet he continues to tell me im pretty and asks me if i think he looks good and he was wearing those fkn glasses that makes him look hot and smart and i obsessed over them

ans then hes off buying a thing to his friend, hes all dressed ip and leaves me 2 h later for this friend and im like

okay

he said hed text me when he opened my present and he does

like 6 hours later when its 1 am and i guess he’s come home from his friend :——)

and hes over the top being weird and too much like ”omg thank u i LOVE IT ITS SO CURE IM GONNA SAVE IT”

and i low key wanna take it back bitch like that was when i loved u and u kinda liked me too

i dont want u to put my card together with the rest of the love letter shit uve gotten since the age of 10 when ppl started to confess to u

ughhhh im kinda PKSSEDDDDD

But then i tried to think more positivity because wow, positive is the new me :——)

and yeah maybe he just wanted to make ir easier for me, like im happy he didnt ghost me and that were still friends

but hey

then i asked him

did u for real break up over the phone

and hes like

it broke up after that night fight

and im like uhhhh so also over the phone??? and then u ignored me for several days???????

bitchhhhhhh

like i really was dumped i thought i was the one pushing him too far but jokes on me

i actually was dumped i had no idea that he broke up woth me back thEN

and i said why didnt u tell me

and hes like ”i said i cant deal with this negativity”

like oh yeah.............. uhm okay that was obvious.... not

and i also asked him why we’ee supposed to continue be friends and he dodnt even answer

SVSJSVKSJSLBEJDJSJSJSJJEJDJSJSUEURJSBS

I DONT WANT TO GET OVER GIM BUT I ALSO WANT TO

DO I EVENW ANT TO BE HIS FRIEND NO I WANT TO BE HIS DATE LMAO BUT I ALSO DONT BC THATS GONNA END THE SAME WAY OMGGGG I CANT BE HIS FRIEND AND SECRETLY HOPE FOR SMTH WHILE HES GETTING LAID ALL THE TIME I NEED TO FOCUS ON MYSELF AND GROW AND THEN JUST SEE HIM AS A FRIEND LIKE ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS BUT OMG I DONT VALUE MY FRIENDS IDK I DONT BOND WITH THEM UGHHHHH I ONLY BOND WITH ONE SINGLE PERSON AND THEYRE ALL THAT MATTERS FUCK FUCK FUCK WILL I HAVE TO WAIT FOR NEXT PERSON TO FALL VICTIM TO MY OBSESSIVE UNHEALTHY LOVE OR WILL I HOLD ONTO HIM AS LONG AS I CAN AND PUNISH MYSELF

why the fuck did he say i can still have his pics and his shirt (for awhile) like how TF IS THAT GONNA HELP ME DO U WANT TO TORTURE ME OR SMTH

omg chill no he’s just being kind and considerate

he even told u he could wear one of the shirts i bought him and give it back to me (for awhile?)

THINGS ARE SO WEIRDDDDDD HES SO WEIRDDDDD ITS SO AWKWARDDDDDD AND HIS EXPLANATION WAS

”well i cant just act all non human then we wouldnt be able to stay friends right”

LIKE WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN U STILL ACTED NON HUMAN U ACTED LIKE WHEN WE FIRST MET YOU ACTED LIKE A FKN SOCIOPATH WITH THAT WEIRD CHARM OF URS AND WHILE I FELL FOR THAT THE FIRST TIME IT JUST MADE ME FEEL LONELY AF BC WOW U RLY PUT ON UR MASK WITH ME 100% LIKE I DONT KNOW U ANYMORE ITS IVER U JUST ”friendship mode on” WHAT DO U EMAN WITH NON HUMAN ARE U ANGRY AT ME OR SMTH I BET U DONT EVENW ANNA BE WITH ME U JUST SEE IT AS UR RESPONSIBILYTY BC OF UR GOD DMAN WEIRD CODE U JUST WANT TO BE MATURE AND DO THE RIGHT THING AND STAY FRIEND WITH UR EXES BC THATS HOW NICE AND GROWN UP YOU ARE

OMGGGGGGG I KNOW ALL UR FRIENDS ARE GIRLS BUT ARE ALL OF THEM PPL YOUVE DATED?? LIKE AM I GOING TO BE ONE OF THEM TOO MAYBE EVEN LESS SINCE U COULD BY THIS FRIEND OF YOURS A PRETTY EXPENSOVE GIFT WHILE U CANT EVEN BUY ME ANYTHING BUT STILL WANT ME TO BE UR SUGAR MOMMA

omg im sk frustrated obviously i dint mean anything i write im just dead

i just really miss him

wow i dont even love him i just love what i thought he could give me

but i still want him

i want it

what he gave me

SAFETYYYYYYY

CAAAAAAAALM

i need emotional stability and self love in my liiiiiife

fuuuuuckkkkk meeeeeeeee

#diary #jo

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homieswithhades · 6 years

Text

BTS Analysis;

I don’t even know if I can call this an unpopular opinion bc I know some people agree with this, this is more of an in-depth analysis and personal experience I guess. It’s all about bts... and its lowkey a mess. I apologise in advance for any grammar/spelling errors, and times I may contradict myself a bit. This is something that REALLY bothers me. I just want to clarify that I love bts a lot, and that I was the HUGEST STAN for a good 5ish months. I still stan them but not as much due to the following reasons.

They just don’t make good music anymore. They love yourself era was when everything turned to shit. The actual core love yourself concept is very good but,,,, it was executed really poorly.

Dna was my first comeback with them, even though I’ve been listening to them since august 2016. But when actually became a stan in April 2017, I was obsessed with them. I was so damn excited for their September 2017 cb that my standards were through the roof. During the summer they changed the logo and did the beyond the scene thing,,, that’s the first thing that kind of irked me,,, and then they did the highlight reels in the style of I need u and they were redeemed.

When love yourself her started promotions and teasers, the bar was higher than the person who edited the DNA mv. The concept pics were so unfitting??? And just lacked that aesthetic element. I dint like them at all,,,, and the album cover was,,, below standard and looked rushed and lazily designed. But when serendipity came out I loved it (and I still do) so that fuelled my expectations for the music, even though they weren’t really that damaged by the odd first impression of the album. But then DNA came out and???? I was so disappointed?????? The beat was so annoying,,, the mv was so ugly,, the outfits were ugly,,, the lyrics were weird. In other words DNA was just a straight up flop... I hoped the rest of the album would have been better but,,,, it really, REALLY wasn’t.

After love yourself her I lost a lot of interest in bts. I missed their old music so much, and I was genuinely upset over it. I didn’t follow them as closely as I used to. I started to joke about them with my friends who lost interest in bts before me, but I still missed the old bts so much. The whole Ellen show thing, all the western media like Buzzfeed and Billboard making vids and articles about bts, all the rigged award shows, it pissed me off bc they were getting famous in the US bc of their worst album that didn’t display their full potential at all!!!!

Imma just go out and say it, armys are one of the most toxic fandoms ever.

Sometimes they’re just plain disrespectful and starting arguments where they don’t belong. I wouldn’t be able to count how many times I got attacked on Twitter, Instagram and even in the YouTube comments for expressing a different opinion. I remember all the fan wars and scandals. All the mobs at airports, All the times k-fans and i-fans tried to ruin another groups reputation (I’m not saying other fans never did this, bc it was always a thing, but it was never this extreme.) and the fuckin credit card thing oh my god,,,, a huge shitstorm caused by one fandom that lasts for years on end.

When bts got really mainstream, and gained more young western fans, they really ruined bts even further for me. Not to mention all the cringey tweets and memes, they hurt to look at. I absolutely don’t mind the “you got no jams” meme or the “ExCuSE mE” one, bc theyre just pure goof from the members, but when armys took it and overused it, that’s when it started to get annoying.

Some armys genuinely think bts is the only kpop group and that the world revolves around them. They comment “annyeonghaseyo any armys here???!!!” in the most unexpected places, I deadass saw someone on my overwatch team playing quick play with the name “army.FOREVER.saranghae” yall do realise it costs 10$ to change ur blizzard username, right?

Some armys also don’t respect other kpop groups in older gens (or any other ones for that matter) and assume that bts broke through into the western world themselves, which is complete bullshit, without groups like bigbang, shinee, tvxq, shinhwa, h.o.t, seo taiji boys etc etc (and other ones I don’t know of rip) kpop would have never gotten into the western world.

I never identified as an army bc I knew they were cringey bc of my friends who were HUGE armys back in 2016 and low-key koreaboos, and I knew what the bad stans looked like, so I never associated with them, and just called myself a bts stan. But the whole western situation just got so goddamn worse. I was sick of the Americans plaguing bts for me.

I also wanna say, I know not all armys are toxic and cringey. And I respect the level headed and chill Armys, yall are doing it right.

Moving on from Armys, I noticed a change in bts themselves. Namjoon changed his stage name, which absolutely sent me. I understand the meaning behind it but for some reason I felt that he did it to be fake deep? Or woke, and that he tried to completely cover-up his past self. The other members became cocky and were always draped in all that ugly Gucci and designer shit. I knew they were being forced to act the way they were acting, bc I know them well. I know how they really are. I know that they’re good people. I know they’re very humble deep down. They had that special connection with their fans before, that made u feel like u were good friends with them, and they absolutely ruined that. They’re being forced to put on this fake image to impress you filthy Americans.

I still stan bts atm. But I stan them for their old music and the people they truly are, not who they are portrayed to be. I can’t remember when euphoria came out, but I was kinda annoyed they tried to incorporate hyyh prologue into their shitty concept. And the song was also annoying and too edm-ish (like most of their new songs, idk why their style completely changed). Anyway, when tear came out, I was still kinda off the bandwagon, and I saw the concept pics and I was surprised at how nice they were. I saw the album cover, which was still ugly but better than the previous one. Then Singularity came out and!!!!! I loved it a lot. And then fake love happened. Oof is all I have to say. But some songs on the album, were actually good. Like the truth untold, paradise and OUTRO TEAR. Outro tear will remain the best song in the love yourself trilogy.

I also feel that I have to acknowledge that for all the love yourself albums only the intro and outro were genuinely up to standard (except outro answer).

Then came love yourself answer and idol. When I found out they were collabing with niki minaj I lost it. The concept pics were ugly once again, it was supposed to a controversial comeback???? And??? It wasn’t. I’m honestly glad it wasn’t promoted.

I noticed a repetitiveness with songs on answer. The beat was off with the singing. It was all just a mess. I also noticed the amount of godddamn auto tune in the songs (eg, mic drop, fake love, idol, airplane pt.2 and others I can’t remember atm) all of bts’s old songs all sound unique and different, and they all had this “emotional” element to them, to elaborate on that, compare dna, fake love or idol to save me, I need u or young forever. Notice how dna, fake love and idol convey absolutely no emotion through the lyrics or the actual beat of the song, unlike save me, I need u or young forever, that literally have more sentimental/emotional value in the few English lines that are in the song then all of the lyrics in their 3 new title tracks combined. I think this is my most difficult point to explain bc different songs make people feel different things, but it’s no doubt that you can tell the difference between a song that’s made to appeal to the masses with no unique properties to a song that coveys deep emotion (whatever the emotion may be) through the beat, the lyrics and the sound of the vocals/rapping alike. Listen to intro nevermind, and then listen to go go and just try to tell me that im wrong.

Alos, bts seem to have incorporated auto tune into songs, especially on their vocalists. bts don’t need the auto tune bc they’re good vocalists. Also, I have to mention, the vocal line isn’t the “best” per say. they’re good vocalists but it’s nothing special. Seokjin is the best vocalist period. Jungkook’s voice is generic, and in recent songs he has been straining it to reach the notes. Taehyungs voice isn’t even that special, it’s just deep, and it only really suits ballads and R&B songs like singularity or butterfly. Jimin has a very nice voice, but again, it’s nothing extraordinary. I feel that Jin has the most vocal potential, and he doesn’t get to show it, he has this really unique voice, idk what it is about it that just??? I really love it. But to clarify, I’m not hating on their voices or saying there untalented, because they’re very talented, but most of vocal line gets too much credit. As for rap line, I think they’re one of bts’s strongest points. Namjoons style is so smooth and just overall good? It amazes me that he rapped so well over the years with a breathing problem. Hoseok is a good rapper too, his sound is unique and his adlibs add to that uniqueness in older songs, as for Yoongi, I genuinely think he’s one of the best rappers in the industry, it’s not about the speed element, it’s about his flow, his power, his emotion, everything about his rap is just amazing.

Now I wanna talk about the member’s individual popularity. The maknae line has the most stans, and quite frankly, their stans are the worst. Treat all of the members with the same love and respect. Sure, it’s perfectly fine to have a bias but to disregard the other members is just plain wrong.

Bts are human beings, first and foremost, and then there musicians second. They’re being made into media puppets and clout bait, which they absolutely don’t deserve. They deserve recognition for their good stuff, which they have PLENTY of.

All in all, I’m sick of the American attention. It’s cringey, annoying and unnecessary. Sure, bts deserve recognition but not that much of it!!!!!!

And they were being recognised for the wrong thing for fucks sake!!!! I didn’t like ANY of the new songs on answer. I only liked epiphany. And then I found out it wasn’t written by any of the members. Rip. Fans will unfortunately blindly follow, stream and like whatever they put out like blind sheep because it’s accustomed to them, bighit KNOW that they’ll make more money in America. They know no matter what bts put out, no matter how shit it is, fans will like it and itll be revenue for the company. And all the mobile games and the bt21??? Was so unnecessary?? Capitalism amirite? Quantity over quality. It’s the sad truth.

Armys tend to mix up criticism and hate. Although there is a very thin line between the two, there is a difference. Criticism is the analysis and judgement of the merits and faults of something. Hate is blind and unjustified. Hate is disliking something for no reason, or for a very invalid reason. So for example, saying; “I don’t like this apple because its bitter and im not a huge fan of bitter things” is fine to say, unlike, “FUCK THIS APPLE BECAUSE ITS BITTER, FUCK ALL APPLES” you know? It’s okay to dislike a group. It’s NOT okay to hate on a group. No one’s is going to gain anything by hate.

So, all the youtubers are reacting to bts for clout, the fandom is a fucking mess, armys are attacking other fandoms for no reason, the members lost their TRUE humbleness and neglected their real personalities and they’ve put out 3 overall bad standard albums over the course of a whole ass year.

But I still have this spark of hope for them. Why? Because I love them, they have a special place in my heart. I know they have the potential to be amazing, unique and just overall good people with their own personalities, and truly special musical abilities.

After their tour I honestly, really hope the attention dies down and they put out another good, original, album like the hyyh albums, with nice concepts, good songs, and a pleasant to look at mv. It’s really all I ask for. The old bts. I know I’ll never get them back, and I absolutely cherish their old stuff, like the bulletproof logo, bangtan boys, rap monster, hyyh, young forever, no more dream, wings, them all goofing around together and not caring about their image, their wholesome interactions with fans, and all the songs and concepts and theories that never have, and never will be recognised.

On a final note, I realise I can’t blame bts themselves entirely for this. This stuff is only partially “their fault”. Its bighit’s fault, the army’s and haters fault and the media’s fault. But, America is to blame the most. That’s all for today.

#delete

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mypencildotcom · 3 years

Text

Miss India Earth Alankrita talks to Mypencildotcom about her Inspiring Life Journey

Mypencildotcom: Please tell us your story about the Lokhandwala market incident & then denying the ad for A well-known brand in Thailand?

Alankrita: Well long story short Me and my best friend were shopping as we had heard a lot about the market, we decided to take a look and see what the craze is all about. Indeed it was a delight. We shopped a lot but were so picky that we at least took a couple of rounds back and forth. Someone had an eye out for us or probably just noticed us and walked up to us and did pat me from the back and I was taken aback. Coming from Delhi it’s a defense mechanism to be ready to beat them up Incase they Harass you, that wasn’t the case here. He was polite and was a casting agent. He mentioned the details about the tvc and told me to come and audition as I had a pretty face and I should try and act. He did ask me if I had any prior experiences or did any course. To his surprise I did, for that, I thank my parents and teachers and educational institutions and my classical dancing. I was pretty shocked though to have been stopped and asked to come in and test for it my best friend was the opposite she was super excited about the whole thing for me and was the one to push me to go ahead and she would accompany me as my guardian. And there I was saying my name age height and profile on aboard.

I did my part and walked out after filling an excel sheet. A few days later I got a call back saying I was selected and had to come in to meet the direction team and do my trials for the outfits and send and my passport copy. I was flabbergasted because I thought it was some trap like you at times see in films. I had every possible notion in my head from kidnapping to what not rush to my membranes in milliseconds to stop my from doing it and yes I was unaware, I was extremely grateful but scared at the same time and I had not informed my parents either so I skipped it and said no. But that incident was special and scary for a young kid who got lucky. And here I am today !! That was my calling in a way but I neglected the signs from the universe.

Mypencildotcom: Pls, tell us about your Journey to Miss India.

Alankrita: It was eventful and interesting. My best friend again played a major role in this, she sent my pictures that my bosses had nudged me to get clicked while I was working with a corporate and they kept feeding the idea that I should try my luck in the industry. So I did a few gigs too before miss India even happened, some were great some were mistakes. And then my BFF filled my form and sent it across to miss India after I showed her my folio, she was so happy I got them clicked that she just couldn’t resist her butterfingers.

She is gorgeous but told me you have the courage and the will to do it and make this happen for all of us (this was after I found out she had done what comes next ) I got a call from them for the final rounds in Mumbai and I was surprised as it wasn’t me who filled the form but then they were requesting for some more details and also confirmed my email with me to send me the requirements that were necessary for me to have for the final round in Mumbai and guess what it was an email I’d that was mine but not mine it was ours and that’s how I knew it was her who had been Mischievous lately. And then she and my friends convinced me to go ahead and make them proud and so I tried and succeeded. It was a great experience and very different for me too keeping in mind I was a total tomboy. A lot of transformation took place.

Mypencildotcom: Initially, almost 10,000 + Girls competing to get into the top 16 of Miss India, pls share about that moment of observation & how you overcome those fears/challenges?

Alankrita: It was a fulfilling experience. Seeing so many beautiful women vying for the same crown can be overwhelming. But I always believed that no matter what I won’t let people and their negativity get to me. Even if it meant to have a shield on to protect my little fragile heart which is equally strong but didn’t want to be hurt or involved in petty politics. Most of the time I was seen as a threat but also was seen as someone who is fiercely guarded and arrogant or rude because I had my walls high and hardly let people in until u could trust them. I had a blast no doubt but I was always aware that I’m here to have fun and compete and if I don’t make it it’s not the end of the world. I was extremely driven and I learned so much from the girls from my batch.

Fear is inevitable but the courage to overcome it is even more challenging but that’s what tests our willpower and how much we truly love ourselves and are ready to accept it than run away from it and fight back. I have been a fighter always. I can’t give up on people or situations. I find it hard at times to let go which is not good at times too. But I learned how to be kinder to myself and others and I learned more about how fear is mostly self-created than absorbed than handed to us. The power of NO and the Power to draw my boundaries is what I learned. I dint overcome them overnight it’s a process. I was just happy to be there and was grateful for them to see something in me and push me ahead.

Mypencildotcom: How was your experience working in the film love per square foot and how did you get it.

Alankrita: It was exhilarating and divine. It was my first project. What do you think? I was so happy I also had a lucky charm back then that I thought helped me get it. Haha. But it was a delight. The team was warm and super professional at the same time.

Our casting director honey Trehan Ji called me for an audition, I gave it, and months down the line I forgot about it thinking I didn’t get it. So I got a call back to test with Vicky and our brilliant director Anand Tiwari. And bam after a few days I get a call back from Anand saying we all are convinced you are our Rashi for the film and he took a leap of faith in me and so did Ronny sir and I guess it was meant to be then.

Mypencildotcom: In one of the interviews, you had mentioned that you always wanted to become an IAS Or IFS Officer? How things changed from that to being in the industry?

Alankrita: Yes I did have dreams about serving my nation and making India proud. I wanted my name to be associated with some form of glory when it came to my nation because both my grandfathers served the nation. It was an honor to have known them. Seeing them listening to them made me want to. But then destiny had other plans as I mentioned above and I became a Miss India Winner and Won 7 titles for my county and made my people proud in some way and even today I continue to serve my people in whatever way I can as a human being it doesn’t just end here.

Mypencildotcom: The Video album with Himesh Reshammiya, “AAP Se Mausiquii”, How was it working for a video album.

Alankrita: To be launched by one of India’s superstar singers and composer, having T series as the label and Amitabh Ji along with other celebrities come in support and launch the album on a huge scale was nice and as a newcomer. I felt welcomed and appreciated.

Mypencildotcom: Do you feel India is changing as Nation, and being an Independent woman is very important?

Alankrita: India is changing slowly and steadily. Change is inevitable and will always push the comfort zones of many people who are inherently avid supporters of the Patriarchal societal norms. Well, women have always had the power but they lacked the Courage because we were condemned or some powerful women were condoned. Some were confined to rituals and norms and were told to keep shut and just follow the lead by men and women alike. Women are the co-creators Nurturers and harbingers. So what’s changed is … awareness, acceptance of less than has changed to we are equals, education, self-realization, and definitely many other mediums have helped them see who they truly are. Women are Saraswati Lakshmi Durga and have all the Devi’s inside them hence our power had been taken away from us because people are scared to see women in power!

Women are now standing up for themselves and many can’t digest that and I feel sorry for them. We just want to lead beside you and be respected for our decisions, dressing, and demands. We are not here to compete we are already winning at life while we multitask but we are here to be your equal, love our sexuality and our beauty, and be your strength. We are fearless now and that changes a lot of things for people including women who condemn and bitch about other women too in their respective households. We need to be empowered by empowering each other rather than turning our backs and name-calling one another. Don’t let them have the power to discourage you or defame you.

Mypencildotcom: Where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?

Alankrita: Happily married with kids. Running a successful business and doing interiors As well As an actor Successful and loved by people. Healthy and Wiser

Mypencildotcom: One message for Mypencildotcom magazine readers & Viewers?

Alankrita: Stay at home and get vaccinated. Be kinder to yourself and others, we tend to be harsh given the circumstances and the frustration. Even Instagram can make you have an identity crisis looking at all the glitz and glam but you are as precious as anyone with a blue tick. You are unique and have your calling. Help as much as you can. Don’t be in a hurry. I love you and I will keep doing my best to make you proud and make you fall in love with me more.

#Miss India Earth Alankrita

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helianthusrex · 7 years

Text

so xmas was.... something....

i guess

beach dint turn out bc it was so dang crowded there wasnt any parking avail (not surprised at all thats fine i wanted 2 go just bc my ma was so stoked ab going; im the weirdo that lives in florida but has zero interest in beaches)

we ate outside the condo parents borrowed from some fancypants coworker of my das 4 the wk, next 2 the pool thing

sun was nice, breeze was nice, i dint have 2 wear beach gear in front of millions of strangers, was a win 4 me

was relaxing & shit

chase & x left after a while 2 go do chases fam obligation bc they Would Not Stop Bugging Him the whole dang wk in spite of his telling them that my parents were only gonna b here a limited time & its been almost 10 yrs since we seen them & we have 2 deal w his parents constantly & they get 2 see us a lot even when we dont want 2 (but hey what the fuck is courtesy right) & x went with 2 give chase some support

ma called my granma 2 do HER fam obligation (their relationship is super fucking strained @ this point 4 a ton of reasons that aint worth getting into)

i got the joy of hearing the conversation (bc ma puts phone on speaker) & like, my hearing is shit but i could hear enough words & tone & brain could supply the rest bc its shit ive heard bf 2 tell from context (& get confirmation ab after the fact later to fill in the rest)

which uhhhhhhhh

uhhhh

amounted 2 things i wasnt surprised 2 b hearing but

rly killed me & i keep thinking ab it &

boy did it sure “help” the depression im already mired in

cw 4 a shit ton of misgendering & other gross dysphoria & abuse bs

factsrok i had a fun experience i had 2 go outside so i wouldnt have complete melt down & scream my head off ecks oh your parents buggin hard? factsrok no my ma called my granma but had her on speaker loud enough i could hear enough so i heard granma constantly using wrong pronouns & dead name & talking loudly ab how "she was never like this bf jerry (birth da)'s ex wife got ahold of her (aka abuse turned me gay & trans)" & on & on in that mein how "she missed her little grandaughter" etc etc & in general how awful this was 4 HER etc ecks jesus fucking christmas crackers factsrok yeah real punch in the nuts ecks sit on a cactus and spin, grandma do you need us to come get you or anything factsrok & she wonders why i never wanna talk 2 her nah i talked w them after ma hung up on her & im mostly ok enough ecks ok /hugs factsrok hugs back im not gonna let her bs ruin what was a good time we watching a crimmus story & chillin ecks good im watchin chase's mom roll out plates to poison me factsrok oh lord ecks they all wanted to know where you were chase mentioned that mom deffo wanted to see us (the usual cutesy misgendering) for giving us stuff factsrok dying a slow death of being reminded who i cant b 2 ppl who should have my back lol & lol ofc ecks u da bes good sof boi & i will FITE factsrok ilu2 thank

so not only did i get fun 1st hand dysphoria meltdown from that

but x had a grate time wrt the usual bs @ chases parents bc they always do the same even tho they know we both trans dudes as well but either conveniently ignore/forget it or just plain refuse 2 acknowledge it as if by sheer repetition of she/her & “you girls” etc they can force us 2 be something else

our gifts were 2 sets of extremely girly matchy match pj sets that dont even fit (like, not by a long shot, these r obvs made 4 for-reals little smol girls........)

& that was def triggering as hell 4 me, idk ab x

i kept & keep thinking ab how much of a doll my ex step ma made me into

or how its HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS only not that the jokes on my granma i was queer as fuck bf any of the abuse ever happened)

its uh

its rly jarring also & honestly im afraid of when im going 2 reach my boiling point bc i can feel it coming, have felt it 4 a long time but never been brave enough

ive come a long way; confrontation has never been a thing i can do; like trying 2 grab electricity & hold it or some dumb shit like that

but i feel like i could, like i can, like i will if someone fucking does this 2 me again

i dont want 2 ruin things & make it worse 4 my parents or 4 chase

bc it wont change anything 2 yell @ either my granma or chases parents (or even not 2 yell but 2 counter whatever they say calmly

just the ACT of telling them 2 their face they r wrong, they r crushing me, they r killing me slowly each time they do this bullshit

it wont end well 4 any1 involved

but i cant take it any longer either

happy fucking holidays 2 us i guess

#a sunflower says the thing 2k17 #a sunflowers adventures 2k17 #sunflower healthcare 2k17 #queued sunflower things

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lonelywinters · 7 years

Text

u never even regretted it.

why, why do i still hold onto something i once loved. why do i let it hurt me and why do i act like it’s okay what you’re doing and that you aren’t hurting me with all the lies and words you say. three months you lied to me, three months where you spat in my face telling me not to believe the white noise people were saying and i started to believe you, i started to think that you wouldn’t do that and come back acting like nothing happened but it did. I’m the fool once again, i should have walked away when i had the chance. I was getting better, i really was. But here I am again, looking for anything to feel something other than this piercing pain radiating through my body whilst my brain buzzes and blocks any sense of pleasure in life. So I continue watching over you to see any slight regret or change but it never surfaces. You told me you were pissed at me but where’s my virtue? where’s my apology, where’s the regret? the fact is you loved it, you grew attached to her whilst I sat back and let you have your fun but I never knew you would do that. I never thought you would just forget about us not even two weeks after we ended. How many more times am I going to let you hurt me before I decide it’s enough. Why isn’t it enough this time? Why do I keep letting you inside me, why do you force your way into my life preventing me to move on? You come back acting like nothing happened because it didn’t work out between the two of you because she called it off. She figured out how much of a mess you are and she doesn’t want to stick around. You go around leaving your print on people, but you left the biggest dint in me. You’re embarrassed for people to know we’re seeing each other. Your using me as a safety blanket because you know I’d do anything for you, and I do. I give you everything I have, I am suffering and you never even ask me how I’m doing. You don’t know how often I sit staring blankly out my window or how often I drive myself to the beach to sit on the sand and contemplate not coming home. It happens more than you know but you’re so selfish that you don’t see how much me taking on everything is slowly killing me. I haven’t eaten properly in days. Everything is building up so heavily inside me and my bones are starting to stick out, I faint sometimes. but of course you wouldn’t know that. I constantly shake because I have such low blood sugar levels that it’s going into shock. My body is trying to come to terms with the grief I can’t escape. I don’t understand why you can’t tell me what you want, you didn’t even notice how bad everything got when I was smoking with you the other day. You just told me I was being weird, but truth is I was in danger. I’m not over reacting and that’s the first thing you will think but I sat in the front seat of my car, picturing a train that came straight towards me and didn’t stop. Every inch of my brain wanted me to leave this world and wrap myself around a tree because the truth is, I’m getting so bad that I don’t even know how to fucking understand my head anymore and I can’t tell what’s real and I feel like the whole world is out to get me. Every fucking person I ever cared about is moving on with their lives and most of them are happy and I’m stuck in my bed most days. I can’t talk to anyone anymore, I’ve shut everyone out. My best friend calls and calls but I just turn my phone off. People asks to see me, but I tell them I am busy because I’m so buried in my own head that I never feel like I’m truly there with them. No one notices how I’m spiralling out of the person they all knew. Fuck I don’t even know who I am either. Did you even regret it? Did you ever have an oh fuck moment? Well, I know you didn’t. How many times was it really? You said it was only once but you were so obsessed for so long and I thought the songs you listened to could have been about me, the posts about being in love with a memory, the ones about seeing ‘her’ hurt, the ones about you not wanting to feel pain because that’s all you could feel from her. Each post I analysed, each song I looked into every possible lyric because I had hope, I had a belief that it was me.. “mighta said i loved that girl, mighta fucked that girl” ironic isn’t it? whilst I make playlists about missing you and loving you and not knowing how to go on without you, here you are missing some other girl and the pleasure she gave you while fucking me behind her back. It must feel great, knowing that you can get whatever you want and you avoid the consequences? fuck why on earth did I think that you were listening to certain songs about me? When you were thinking about her, you ruined so much for me. I can’t listen to certain songs because I believed you were singing them about me but once again I was so so so fucking wrong. You do nothing but lie through your teeth and blame me for your actions, bringing back that i kissed other people and thats so much worse than you fucking someone. It’s such a great feeling that I really meant nothing to you, that I was just some boring little fling you kept around until she was available. And that’s just it right? You wanted to be like everyone else, wanted to fuck the goods to show your friends you could get it and well, you may have even fell for her too but boy you lost something so important too. You can’t stand the thought of being with me but at the same time you don’t want to let anyone else have me because you’ll know they’ll treat me better and I’ll forget about you and I’ll give them the love that I thought you deserved and no one will care like I do. You broke me, you broke my trust and found a love somewhere else. You love the attention and when you no longer get it from girls, you come back to me. That’s just it right? You come back to me because I am some naive girl who cares about a boy who shattered her heart into pieces and danced on her grave. I can’t save you anymore. I need to learn how to save myself. I am that fucking broken because of you that you need to sort out your own head and what you really want. Because the saddest thing for me is continuing to fight for someone who no longer wants me. You need to come clean with all your lies because there is only so much more I can take before I finally snap. I’m not naive, I know how people can be but you were supposed to be different.

#last resort

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looselucy · 7 years

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Date Night

33 “Do you want the window seat?” Harry offered as we shuffled down the train towards our spot. “Holy shit.” I chortled. “You can so tell you’re an only child.” “What?” He screeched, slinging his bag into the overhead compartment. “It’s an unwritten rule, Curls. You gotta take it in turns. If one gets the window seat there, the other gets the window seat the next time. Rule applies on trains and planes. Often also applies for the front seat of the car. Everyone knows this.” “I didn’t know this.” “Because you’re an only child.”

The relief I felt simply because we had left my mum and dads house was absolutely insane. It really shouldn’t have been such a lovely feeling, but it was. My stage of the experiment was over, and it had gone considerably well. Harry had done his job wonderfully, going above and beyond, and I no longer had to dwell over my mother’s words, and my blatant disregard for how it made me feel was back, and it felt great. Being away from it felt great, and that was upsetting in itself. “Florence Daisy Valentine, I’ve found a flaw in your system.” He took my bag from me. “It’s a flawed system, that’s why!” I watched his muscles work as he threw the bag upwards. “It often results in arguments, tears, conspiracy theories like oh no you sat in the window seat on the way back from the last place we went, so, yes, you probably have found a flaw.” “We’re making three journeys. We can’t win. This is just the middle journey. How do we figure this out?” “Well that last one,” I playfully pushed him so he’d go to the window seat. “Will be down to Rock, Paper, Scissors.” “Fuck Rock, Paper, Scissors.” He laughed, complying. “I’m not playing that game with you again. It was bloody tiring last time.” “Okay, well it’s gotta be a Thumb War then.” “And I’d know all this if I wasn’t an only child?” “You would.” I cooed as I sat down. “But it’s okay, because you’ve got me to teach you.” “I feel so blessed.” “I’m a fountain of knowledge.” Harry already had the crossword book in hand, placing it on top of the table proudly as we settled in for the journey. We’d barely made a dint in it on the ride to my home, and we were hoping to get a few more done this time around, with a substantial decrease in the amount of scribbles and mistakes. Being on the train was a nice middle ground for us. We’d escaped one family, and we had a short space of time to just be ourselves before we moved onto the next and the pressure returned. I knew it was going to be different with Harry’s family. He loved them and they loved him, but we were still going to have to act a certain way. Harry didn’t think there was much pressure on me, and I hadn’t either at first, but I’d been thinking about it the previous day, when we were in bed together and he was talking so highly of his mother and father. They had really wanted him to get a girlfriend. They wanted to see him happy with someone, someone who was good for him and someone who made him beam. That’s what they wanted to see. I needed to impress. I needed to push past my normality and really pull out the big guns, just like Harry had for me. The pressure was building, but whilst we were on the train, I didn’t have to think about it. “Right, let’s do this.” He grabbed a pen out of his top pocket again. “We’re aiming to get half way through the book.” “It’s not gunna happen.” “It is! Where’s your faith, Ren? Where is it?” “Lost with your brain somewhere.” “Ha ha.” He faked. “Very funny, Florence-” “Fuck off.” “-Valentine. Now help me with this crossword.” We settled in together, Harry flicking through the pages we’d already worked on and finding a fresh one, already a little eager for someone to come and give us our free champagne. Unfortunately, she never arrived. A bemused couple did though. “Excuse me,” The woman said after staring at us for a while. “I think you’re in our seats.” “Oh! I’m sorry.” Harry baffled, reaching into the pocket inside his jacket to retrieve our tickets. “We must have made a mistake, sorry.” He looked over the print for a few seconds, eyebrows lowering with each word. A little baffled, he showed the ticket in his hand to the woman who was questioning us. “I think we’re in the right place.” He gulped. She leaned a little closer, and it only took her a couple of seconds to see our mistake. Well, my mistake. “This is the train to London.” She spoke. “Hm?” I butt in. “This train is going to London. You’re on the wrong train.” “Fuck.” We were both on our feet in seconds, Harry stretching back to retrieve our bags as I continued to curse, mixed with a lot of apologies, but mainly cursing. We darted off as quickly as we physically could, and much to my dismay, we were running. Once we’d bounced off the train, we were running through the platforms, Harry about ten steps ahead of me, the tickets in his hand as he tried to figure out where the hell we should even be running to. “You said you checked!” He yelled over his shoulder as we dashed. “I did!” I was already out of breath. “I did check! It said platform six!” “It said platform nine!” “Fuck! Shit, yeah. No they were upside down. Fuck! I’m sorry!” We followed the signs as we ran to the correct destination, and Harry kept checking back on me like he thought I would have fallen behind, which I was surprised I hadn’t. Harry’s legs were stupidly long, and he probably wasn’t running at his full capacity because I definitely would have ended up on my own, getting lost. We reached the platform just in time to see the train pulling away from the station. Harry stopped so abruptly that I crashed into his back, dropping my bag and half of its contents flying all over the platform. At least they were flying over the right platform. “FUCK!” I yelled, drawing in more eyes than we’d already attained. “I’m so sorry, Harry. I did check the tickets I promise I did its just-” “Ren,” He was already chuckling as he turned around to me. “It’s fine. There’ll be another-” “I swear to fucking god.” I knelt down to retrieve my things, Harry quickly following. “I just… URGH. I’m sorry. That was idiotic even for me. I just glanced at them. I’m sorry.” He was picking up my things but looking at me, grabbing numerous items and collecting them in his ridiculously large hands. I was just shaking my head, feeling like a royal fool. “I’m finding this funny.” He grinned. “Aren’t you?” “Not really.” “We’ll just get the next one!” “That’s not the point, Harry!” I groaned, flopping my head into my hand. “We had tickets for that train. Now we’ll have to pay again and who knows when the next-” “Ren, would you just calm down!” He placed his hand on my cheek, gently encouraging me to lift my head. “It’s not a big deal!” “Well you’ve only dealt with my fucking clumsiness for just over a month.” I sulked. “Trust me, after a while it’s just fucking annoying.” I really was throwing a bit of a strop, but it frustrated me. It wasn’t as bad when it was just little things, stumbles and bumps and stuff, but when my ineptness resulted in missing trains and giant scars and wasting other people’s time, I found it hard to see the humour. I guess a part of me wanted to be a little more like my sister. She was just so together. She had all her shit sorted and she’d been that way for as long as I could remember. She was composed and elegant and self-assured, and people usually flocked to her because of that. I didn’t make much sense to me that we’d ended up being so dissimilar. “Well I don’t find it annoying.” He shrugged, shoving my items back into my bag. “Yet.” “Not your place to tell me how I feel towards you, Ren,” He got back to his feet. “So shush. C’mon, let’s go see when the next train is.” I zipped up my bag once everything was back in and rolled my eyes as I shot back to my feet, ignoring the faces that were looking at us as we wandered over to the closest information desk, Harry somehow still having a spring in his step even though I’d fucked up. I think Harry just refused to let himself be at all miserable when he was awake, thanks to the fact he struggled so much when he was asleep. He had to be happy now, he had to make the most of everything because the nights were so difficult for him. It was pretty admirable. I spotted the little café on our right as we marched, and I could practically feel the warmth of the red-hot drinks being poured in there for people who arrived half an hour early just to be safe. It would have been convenient if either me or Harry were that type of person. “I’ll go grab us a coffee.” I suggested, already darting in the right direction. “Make mine a tea.” He sniggered. “Fuck you and your coffee.” He continued towards the miserable looking man who was sat just bloody waiting for someone to come and ask him questions about train times, his job seemingly as tedious as mine, as I walked towards the café, yawning straight away simply down to the orange hue of the place. It was already heading up to 6pm, so I was praying the next train wouldn’t be far off. We knew we’d only get the evening with his parents anyway, and thanks to my stupidity I’d just cut our time even shorter. I joined the small queue, looking up to the chalk board like I didn’t already know exactly what I was going to order. We’d spent most of our day with Matilda and James, which was surprisingly enjoyable. James was funny and down to earth and nice to be around, and he seemed to calm Matilda down too. She wasn’t quite as fake and poised when he was there with her, she was more like the girl I’d grown up with, the girl who’d rather be called Matty. “What can I get for you?” The woman behind the counter asked. “I’ll have a tea and a coffee, please.” I smiled. Harry was at my side only a few seconds later as the lonely waitress rushed to do everything on her own, steam bursting around her from every angle and about twenty beeping noises ringing from bloody everywhere. “Don’t throw a fit!” Was the first thing Curls said to me. “Oh god…” “There isn’t another train until eleven.” “OH GOD! WHAT THE-” “REN, IT’S FINE!” He interrupted, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me closer to him. “Did I not just say don’t throw a fit?” “We’ve missed out on an entire evening with your family, Harry.” I pouted. “Think of it as a hidden blessing.” He beamed down to me. “We’ve now got an evening without worrying whether or not we look like a couple. Pressures off for the night.” “Harry, I’m so sorry.” “Shut your mouth. Now let’s drink these drinks and then… let’s go for a fucking meal or something. Is there anywhere round here we can go?” I peered up to him with my eyes tight, wondering how he could be so bloody chirpy like this wasn’t an entirely frustrating experience. The boy was weirdly nice, overly perfect, all sunshine. “A few places.” I sulked. “Well let’s go! Make a night of it! We can pretend it’s a date.” “Harry-” “I’ll treat you nice, promise.” He winked. “You’re an absolute fool, do you know that?” The girl whipped around with our drinks in her hands, and stumbled backwards as soon as she saw Harry, her eyes wide. “Wow shit fuck. Fuck, sorry. Oh no, I’m sorry! Please don’t tell my manager.” “Wouldn’t dream of it.” Harry smirked at her, retrieving the drinks. “You okay?” “Yeah I’m fine!” She gasped, still staring at him. “I’m just- Yeah. I’m fine. Sorry.” “No worries.” His voice was as warm as the aroma. “I’ll go find us a seat.” He scuttled off as I retrieved my purse from the front pocket of my backpack, a little oblivious to what had just gone on until she spoke. “Is that your boyfriend?” She lowered her voice. I peeked back to her, seeing the way she was glancing over my shoulder to watch him as he moved around the tiny place to find us a table, her eyes flaming at the sight of him. “Uh, no!” I chuckled. “Just a friend.” “How are you friends with someone like that?” She leaned a little closer. “He’s gorgeous.” “He is.” I agreed. “Probably the most decent lad I know, too. Want me to put in a good word? Pass a number along?” “God, no, how embarrassing.” She blushed at the very idea. “Sorry. I probably crossed a line. We just never get anyone attractive coming in here, usually just middle aged men in suits.” “Don’t worry about it.” I grinned. “Enjoy the rest of your shift.” “I’ll try.” I gave her one last friendly look before I made my way over to Harry. I’d seen that happen a few times, women gaping over him. The day we’d gone to get milkshakes, he drew in the eyes of an entire group of women, pointing over to him and eyeing him up. The girl at the pub on Christmas Eve hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off him. I imagined the bar Harry worked in pulled in a large crowd every single night, filled with women who just stood staring at the staff. Harry seemed totally ignorant to it whenever I had seen it happen, but when one of the reasons he’d been hired was down to his good looks, he must have been able to immerse in it a little more when he was at work. He was brushing some strands of hair from his face as I sat down across from him, shooting me a soft smile as he did, completely unaware of his charm. 34 Harry gently lay his napkin across his lap, looking up to me, his face friendly, the waiter still taking notes as he stalked away from our table. I had suggested we just get a Nando’s, keep it cheap and cheerful, but Harry had seemed shocked by the mere suggestion, said if he was going to wine and dine, he was going to do it right. “So I guess this is our first date.” He grinned across to me, reaching for his wine. “Which is weird, considering we’ve already been going out for two months.” “What’s even weirder, Curls, is that I’ve only known you for just over a month. I think that’s what’s weird here.” “I think pretty much everything is weird here.” He chuckled. We’d added a month onto our own timeline to make our relationship seem more plausible, to make it more understandable that we’d be choosing to spend our Christmases with one another. In reality, I had met him on the 15th of November in a group therapy session, a fact I was more than willing to keep hidden. We’d spent a lot time together since that day, and thanks to the warmth that radiated from him, it almost felt like I’d known him for years. Thanks to our circumstances, we were incredibly familiar with one another, and noticeably comfortable. It would have been doing wonders for our agreement. “To us.” He proposed, raising his glass into the centre of the table. I picked up my wine and moved it close to his, holding his eye contact as we clinked the glasses together. “To us.” I replied. “I’m still really sorry about the train.” “Will you ever shut up about the train?” “Yes, at some point.” I smirked. “Not yet though.” Sitting in there, with the low lighting and a glass of wine in my hands, seeing Harry smirk at me from across the table, reminded me of the first night we’d spent together. We’d singled ourselves out from the rest of the group and gotten to know each other. I liked him then. I liked him still. “So, how do you usually woo boys on a date?” He asked, balancing his elbows on top of the table and propping his chin up. “You gunna show me any of your moves?” “I don’t have any moves.” “I refuse to believe that, Ren. I think you have many.” “What makes you think that?” I lifted a brow. “Confident girl like you? Bet you can walk into a room and have anyone you want.” “In that case I wouldn’t need moves.” I rolled my eyes. “I think you like them anyway. I think the moves make you feel good.” I had a few certain things that I’d do on nights out if I bumped into any potential one night stands that seemed to work in my favour, but I didn’t really want to talk about them. They were embarrassing. A lot of eye contact and giggling and trying to turn every single sentence into a double entendre, nothing special. Nothing worth calling moves. I divulged the funniest ones. “I try to make most interactions dirty.” I smiled. “How do you do that?” “I’ll show you how to do it, if you show me how to do it.” I flirted. His mouth dropped as he realised I’d taken his humdrum sentence and turned it on its head, being incredibly suggestive with barely any words. He chuckled lightly, brows still high. “That works for you?” He gawped. “I’ll show you what works for me.” I looked him up and down. “Shit. Okay, stop, you’re getting me all flustered.” He brushed his locks back. “I can see how that would work. Very good.” “Thanks.” I giggled. “I can be pretty forward when I want something. Or someone, I guess.” His eyes were questioning me from across the table, and even though he had predicted I’d have moves, he still seemed surprised by them. Maybe he thought I’d just laugh and avoid the subject, but I felt like I had nothing to hide, not really. “So what about you?” I sat forward. “What about me?” “I shared my moves, you share yours.” “I don’t have moves.” “Bullshit, Curls. Enlighten me.” He swallowed hard, eyes not leaving mine for a second, his skin looking darker thanks to the low lighting that barely illuminated the room. He was quite fascinating to look at, really. His face was sharp and sculpted, but somehow it was still soft, friendly. It seemed everything about him was like that. His body hard but his frame delicate, his humour sharp but personality easy-going, his voice deep and husked but also gentle and inviting. All the contradictions that combined had somehow created a boy so weirdly fascinating, whenever he spoke I found that I had to watch him, like I didn’t want to miss anything. “I do the sex eyes. I’ve told you about the sex eyes. Louis taught me.” “I have such a great image of Louis giving you sex eyes, and you giving them back. How much sexual tension was there between the two of you?” I asked suggestively. “Fuck off.” He chuckled. “But that’s the only move I have.” “You told me you’ve worked in the bar for almost two years.” “Yup. Just before I turned twenty-two. It’ll be two years in May.” “So you’re telling me you didn’t have any moves before the age of twenty-one?” I doubted. “None.” “You’re a liar.” “I’m shocked you would even say that to me, Florence.” He always shot me this cheeky look whenever he called me Florence, and it was amplified whenever he said my full name, but I didn’t hate it as much when he said it. His voice could make all words sound inviting and lovely. “I’m not going to let off until you tell me.” I shrugged. “C’mon. I even gave you an example, and it was embarrassing. You owe me.” He chuckled quietly, seeming a little shy all of a sudden. It was weird to see him blushing and looking ruffled, it was extremely out of character for him, but it suited him just as much as his obscene confidence did. I’d been discovering his layers, and each single one of them was wonderful. I’d yet to find a fault in him and it was slightly baffling. Not that a fault would be a bad thing, faults were normal, humane, and he seemed to be lacking them. He was a vision, in every way. “Flowers.” He simply replied. “I really like flowers.” “So you buy a girl flowers?” “I would, yeah. If I had someone to buy flowers for, I would.” “And why do you like flowers so much?” “How can you not like flowers?” He screeched. “They’re just beautiful. When I was little, every year on my birthday, I’d go on a walk with my dad, and we’d pick all different types of flowers until we had a really big bunch, and then we’d take it back and give them to my mum. Kinda like a thank you.” “A thank you? On your birthday?” “Y’know, like, thanks for my life and stuff.” “That’s adorable.” “I loved it.” “Then why did you stop?” I questioned. “One year my dad was really ill, he had cancer so…” He cleared his throat. “So we couldn’t do it because he was really weak. That was when I was twelve. And… I dunno. We just never did it again. He was upset because we couldn’t go. I think it left a sour taste in his mouth.” Opening up to one another in the way we had been doing over the past few days still felt slightly taboo. I knew our original plan to cut ties in January had been discarded, but it still felt like we shouldn’t be getting ourselves in too deep. I loved sharing with him, and hearing about him. I felt like I could be totally honest and real with Harry, and it was great, but I still felt like we were getting too involved sometimes. I was becoming increasingly attached to him. “That’s a shame.” I swallowed. “Maybe you should go on your own. Pick flowers for both of them. Maybe that’ll get rid of the sour taste.” “Maybe.” He smiled. “I’m glad he’s okay!” I added. “He’s a trooper. He’ll get through anything will that man.” “I guess you learnt from him then.” His brows lowered, automatically questioning what I was referring to, which I knew he would. That’s when I realised Harry did have a fault, one I was conscious of. He was completely unaware of his strength, and his allure. “What?” He puzzled. “You go through something really horrible most nights, and you’re still wonderful. You’re still happy and charismatic and you don’t let it eat you alive. I like that about you. You’re strong, to be the way you are and to not let it drag you down or… consume you. I guess it was his influence. Makes me excited to meet him.” No one had ever seen Harry during one of his dreams before, so maybe no one else understood it as much as I did. The way he dealt with it was truly admirable, and he probably hadn’t been told it before. He seemed a little stuck for words, pink flourishing his cheeks as he innocently accepted my words. “I guess.” He mumbled. “I know.” I closed. “So what’s your favourite flower then?” He looked up to me then, staring across the table to me, his normal confidence returning. He grinned before he spoke. “Dunno. Kind of been warming to sunflowers recently.” 35 Despite the fact we were midway through a crossword puzzle, and the cluttering of the train as it sped to Harry’s hometown, and the absurdly bright lights that beamed an unflattering glow, I had managed to fall asleep with my head on Harry’s shoulder. He was gently whispering my name, but it was enough to wake me for some reason. I think since we’d started spending our nights together, I was always just kind of waiting for him to wake me up. I never fully let myself be dragged into a deep sleep because I was just waiting to hear him, waiting for his cries. I guess that’s why it was so easy for him to wake me with his gentle voice. “Mm.” I murmured, eyes still closed, rubbing my heavy head over his shoulder. “We’re the next stop.” He told me. “M’happy here.” “Your mascara has smudged a little.�� “Do I look like a panda?” I stuck out my bottom lip. “I said a little, not that someone has painted your face during the nap.” “I look like a panda, don’t I?” “A cute one.” I giggled, finally lifting my head from his shoulder and rubbing under my eyes with the backs of my fingers, my eyes uneasily adjusting to the bright light as I yawned, having a hard time coming to terms with the fact I was awake. “Time is it?” I questioned. “Nearly one.” “Fuck. I’m knackered.” “My house is only a five minute walk from the station. We’ll be in bed soon, I promise.” My mind quickly bounced to the fact that I’d be experiencing Harry’s dream in a room I wasn’t familiar with, possibly within ear shot of a family I hadn’t met, and wouldn’t meet until the morning. I knew that would make a difference to how I dealt with it, how I felt about it. I knew I was in for a rough night, and I was dreading it already. I didn’t want to say that to him, or even imply at all that I wasn’t entirely excited to clamber into bed with him again. He hated them and he hated having me there witnessing them, and I didn’t need to make that worse for him. He probably knew I struggled with it, his tired eyes got to witness my blatant distress whenever I was finally able to wake him, so he must have known that it pained me to see him in that state. It just wasn’t something we needed to discuss. I looked out of the window and noticed that the countryside was rapidly disappearing, making way for cosy homes with their lights off, dull streetlamps and empty tree branches stretching up to the sky. We’d finally arrived. I quickly got up, standing on my tiptoes and trying to retrieve our things, but doing a relatively rubbish job. Harry stood with me and assisted almost instantly, smiling dumbly to himself. “You nervous?” I asked him as he passed me my bag. “Not yet. They’ll be asleep so nothing to worry about tonight.” “Will you be nervous tomorrow?” “I don’t think so.” He said as we started to shuffle down the train. “I think they’ll be able to see how great you are, so it’s not much of an issue.” “Fingers crossed. I’m a bit worried.” “Don’t be. We’ll be fine.” I knew we’d be fine, if we could get through it with my parents I imagined we could definitely do it with his, because from what I’d heard they were lovely. I just so desperately wanted them to like me, not even just because they thought we were in a relationship. I wanted them to like me for me, to think I was a nice person. I was getting worked up already. We jumped off the train once it had come to a halt, and I was still kind of yawning and tripping over myself as we began our short journey, buttoning my coat up in the hope of keeping out the cold, but it didn’t do a great job. I started falling behind pretty quickly. “Harry!” I cried. “Sorry.” He chuckled, halting for a second so I could catch up. “I’ve got little dinky legs compared to your ridiculous trees-” “Trees?” He shrieked. “-so you have to accommodate to my needs. That’s what a good boyfriend would do.” He stopped dead in his tracks then, mouth dropped open as he looked to me with nothing but true offence in his eyes. “Are you saying I’m a bad boyfriend?” “I may have been implying it.” “Fuck you, Valentine.” He said, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. “I’m a fantastic boyfriend.” “Why are we holding hands?” “Because I’m a great boyfriend, and now I can’t get too far ahead, can I?” He took off again, pretty much dragging me with him but he had a huge smile on his face, and so did I. We wandered to his home as quickly as we could without our grips ever detaching, happily chattering into the deserted streets, somehow feeling incredibly safe even though it was so late and so eerily quiet. It seemed like a really nice area for one, but I also think it was just having Harry’s hand linked so sweetly with my own. He made me feel comfortable. He made me feel safe. “This is me!” He said, nodding towards a house to our right. It was a semi-detached home, a perfectly normal house, one that I warmed to automatically. It just looked nice. It looked like a happy family lived in there. We walked down the path, Harry pulling a lone key from the inside pocket of his jacket, and we let ourselves inside. I tripped over the slight raise of the door frame as we walked inside, Harry laughing and shushing me at the same time, automatically removing his shoes and adding them to an already substantial pile, so I did the same thing. I took my opportunity to glance around the hallway we had entered, quickly eyeing up everything before we went straight to bed. The stairs were right ahead of us, and the wall they were pressed to was completely covered. There was an array of family pictures, art, lamps, paintings and small posters. It was absolutely littered and completely random but totally organised, a sharp contrast to the blank wall across from it. It looked wonderful. Harry had mentioned his dad worked in interior design, and seeing just the hall of his home was enough proof of that. “I love this.” I whispered, spotting a picture of a young Harry in his school uniform. “We’ll explore tomorrow.” He said. “Let’s get some sleep.” As quietly as we could, we wandered upstairs, brushing past a few closed doors before we walked into his room. It was bright white, almost too white. Before he’d even flicked his lamp on it was hurting my eyes. Everything was weirdly organised. He had three movie posters in frames perfectly aligned over the top of his bed. The Shining, Star Wars, and The Breakfast Club. He had a white desk too, everything down to his pencils neat on top of it, a Mac laptop closed and lined up perfectly. His bedsheets were the only obvious burst of colour, a deep purple. “You a fan of white?” I sniggered as he wandered to what I predicted was his side of the bed, flicking on the lamp that was on the white stand beside it. “Um… It used to be blue.” He admitted. “Once the dreams… started getting worse… I couldn’t…. I couldn’t deal with it. Just painted over it with the only paint we had in the house.” “Oh.” I shuddered. “That’s… Fuck.” He shrugged, unbuttoning his shirt and preparing himself for another night of uneasy sleep. Wishing I’d kept my mouth shut, I began to undress too, feeling a little more self-conscious since we were in a place I’d never been before. “Can I borrow a t-shirt?” I asked. He pulled open the drawer of the cabinet with the lamp on, throwing me the first thing he grabbed without questioning why I wanted some clothes on this time round when we’d been so incredibly open about our bodies the day before. I liked that he didn’t question it. When I got down to my knickers and bra, I finally looked at the t-shirt, grinning at the sight. “Didn’t have you down as a Joy Division fan.” “Why’s that?” “Can’t believe you actually have taste.” “Fuck you.” He chuckled again. “Always so mean to me.” He got into bed as I pulled it over my head, rushing to join him, wishing he would be a little calmer if he was in his own home, but I wasn’t really sure it would make a difference, I was just being hopeful. I snuggled in happily, turning on my side so I was facing him, and he turned to face me, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath in. I knew he was going to say something, and my eyes were sparkling as I waited for his words. “Please bring me back to the white room.” He whispered, tucking the sheets up more. “Please bring me back to you.” He sounded so sad, the thought of another trying evening already tainting the happy boy who I got to spend my days with. It hurt. “I promise.” I whispered back. I watched him as he drifted off, whispering his name a few times to confirm he was asleep. I just wanted to see him in his initial stages of slumber, just as proof that even though it was temporary, he could sleep calmly. It was nice to see him like that, his lips all puffy and his cheek squished against the pillow and absolutely nothing in the world bothering him. It was impermanent, but it was there, and it was incredibly soothing to see.

#TFA13 #1dff #Harry Styles #me #mine

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attina-the-responsible · 7 years

Text

How to Defrost a Mermaid ~*~ [Mersisters]

In which the Triton girls check in after the snow storm, and then discuss polyamorous relationships, Australian kisses, and consent.

We actually had everyone for this one, but at different times.

@andrina-the-amazingsupergenius, @adella-the-romantic, @arista-the-musical, @aquata-the-bold, @alana-the-badbitch, @ariel-the-rebellious

Andrina ok fam rate the latest swynlake disaster on a scale of 1-10

Attina i dunno if it hadn't lasted quite as long i'd give it maybe a 5

Alana 4 needs more gore, never really fearedfkrmy lie

Andrina i feel like court was a solid 3 on danger/ 9 on fun / 8 on cute boys

Alana Wow see we got comic book store man

Attina i dont think it was *that* fun

Alana and pauls crazy ex

Attina how crazy was she acting? how are the babies?????

Andrina that's becuase YOU were busy worrying while /I/ was perfecting my mixing techniques slash making the bar my fortress

Alana I mean idk I didn't talk to her see just seemed bitchy about the whole thing like chill we r all stuck in here and freezing

Andrina scale of bitchiness 1-regina george

Ariel It wasn't fun. I was worried about you guys.

Alana babies r fine. Comic man found a ton of pride u shirts to swaddle Alana Uh Uh

Ariel I did get to sing that song Total Eclipse of The Heart with Jim, though, and that made me feel better for a while.

Arista I dunno the ice castle was pretty fun

Attina um excuse me

Ariel Ice castle?

Attina also i'm sorry you were worried ariel 💗 but everyone is okay! 😄

Andrina wow and didnt invite me ris

Arista it was like ice skating and slippery but super cold so minus points for that

Andrina frankly that's so offensive

Attina WHAT were you doing in the ice castle

Arista I was on a rescue mission

Alana Wow

Ariel I'm glad we're all okay. We need to find magic portable bathtubs in the future though

Andrina on it ariel [finger gun emoji]

Ariel Who were you rescuing?

Alana thankfully the arcade sinks worked

Ariel Attina said you and Adella were home with Daddy

Attina wait for WHO what.

Alana Wow ris gets all the fun

Andrina five bucks if she says van

Arista Van got stuck in the blizzard out there so she went to the nearest building which was the ice castle. It's okay though guys Urs came too. Buddy system. I'm not totally clueless

Alana how was it Alana what is the yelp review

Andrina how was the service Andrina and did u lick the walls

Attina how did ??? that happen?

Ariel You risked your life to save Van? That's so romantic. Is she okay?

Alana nothing says love like hypothermia Alana just ask jack Dawson

Aquata at least you weren't alone out there

Ariel Who?

Attina god.

Ariel OH

Andrina wow

Attina wow

Alana titanic lad

Ariel The guy from Titanic!

Aquata oh my god ariel

Ariel Ugh he was so dreamy

Aquata yet you couldn't remember his name

Andrina was he

Attina how do *you* of all people forget that

Alana rose looked like his mum I swear

Ariel I remembered Jack!! Ariel Dawson threw me off for just a second!!

Arista um I would say 4 stars. Like definitely did not have the proper outfit. But it was super fun. Like an ice theme park. But totally cold. So much cold. Van is okay. Van, Urs, Kim and me are all at Urs'. Kim ended up rescuing everyone actually.

Alana imagine titanic but it's a MILF learning to love again

Attina ariel she tAKEs his NAME in the END how do you forGET

Andrina i'd watch that movie

Ariel Why didn't you get all bundled up before going out there??

Attina okay wait i need you to walk me through *exactly* what happened

Alana Wow go Kim rock on

Andrina still offended i wasn't invited

Ariel and I only forgot for a SECOND

Aquata you still forgot

Ariel FOR A SECOND

Alana I'm offended you got a BLOODY ICE Palace and I got orange Gatorade

Arista I was in Chapter Three with Urs and then Van texted me. I didn't have time for bundling up

Ariel I have Romeo and Juliet on the brain still!!!

Aquata Hey Tina remember how you told me that everyone was going to stay inside? Funny how that works out, huh?

Ariel I practiced my lines so much to keep from going crazy that I think I have them all perfectly memorized now

Andrina hey an quality time with ariel alana

Alana ah yes

Attina um well six out of seven did so i don't really like your tone, missy

Andrina did YOU participate in any karaoke with the jimmeister

Ariel I'm glad I had at least one of you there with me, Alana kept me sane

Alana Ariel singing as we all freeze to death Alana no, I broke into a vending machine with him

Aquata You really want to go there with me?

Arista Oooh what snack did you get

Ariel So wait, Ris, when did you get home?

Alana bottled water and cheetohs

Attina i don't think i need to go anywhere with you, aquata, i kept you safe--and ris is safe too i'm not going to apologize.

Aquata YOU kept me safe!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?

Alana uhoh

Arista excellent choices lans

Ariel Woah, hey, guys, don't fight

Attina uh yeah you're not dead in the snow so.

Alana remind me again why I'm the bitchy one

Andrina idk alana Andrina false advertising tbh

Ariel You're not... bitchy

Arista I don't think anyone's the bitchy one

Alana awh thanks Ariel

Ariel You're assertive and independent

Arista everyone gets cranky sometimes.

Aquata Yeah, you didn't FORCE me to stay inside. So no, it was not you that kept me safe.

Andrina in OTHER news i definitely borrowed a bottle or two of vodka from the court so if anyone is down for a post-swynlake-disaster throwdown

Ariel I think the storm and being without water for days didn't help

Alana yes please

Arista Oooooh vodka

Aquata I'll pass.

Ariel We should all get together for a group swim. I feel really thirsty and feverish still

Attina i think you've not got a leg to stand on, aquata you're still alive and not frozen to death ANYWAYS

Ariel I don't think I took a long enough bath

Attina andrina you need to give that back.

Andrina chill mom i'll pay i just dint have my wallet on me

Alana they won't miss it

Andrina in other other news i learned how to tie a cherry stem with my tongue while in there

Alana no one goes there for top shelf vodka they go there for tits

Alana nice

Attina who taught you to do that??

Andrina myself Andrina while u were flirting with aussie boy

Attina also it's not like we needed to steal it

Alana ^^

Attina i wASNT FLIRTING

Andrina only goes for aussies now Andrina here's the kicker Andrina ready

Alana is thou dabbling in two rivers of men

Andrina he Andrina is Andrina paul's Andrina roommate

Attina his accent was cute but Attina NOT FLIRTING

Alana NICE

Arista Oh no. That's bad

Ariel Attina!!!!

Andrina two for one amirite

Alana Wow u can walk from one room to the next

Attina we just had things in COMMON

Ariel have you DTRED YET

Alana what a dirty acronym

Arista Is he handsome? Scale of 1-10

Attina what no not with paul no

Andrina i thought she sneezed

Attina i mean--yeah, he was very handsome of course bUT not the point ~~

Alana threesome threesome

Attina how about that bath ariel ahha i need to relax

Andrina tbh like this guy doesn't have a baby AND he has a turtle sooo Andrina upgrade

Ariel Ew no threesomes guys gross!

Attina he also has a girlfriend so

Alana they are not gross

Arista Ohhhh Attina has cute boys flirting with her

Alana foursome foursome

Arista Turtles! That's so cute

Ariel Paul has a girlfriend? Ariel or the Aussie?

Andrina the aussie

Ariel Does the Aussie have a name?

Attina it was very cute! he showed me pictures of him, his name is scute--he has cute little outfits

Alana Wow invite ice bitch and have a fivesome

Arista What's the Aussies name????

Attina his name is stanley

Ariel Scute?

Andrina see a man who knits outfits for turtles is a man after attina's own heart

Ariel Oh

Arista His turtle's name is Cute?

Attina Scute--but pretty cute, he has some fancy long name but i can't remember it--i think the middle name was ashley. Attina oh! i hope he was okay, i've been worried. the heat lamp would've turned off during the storm.

Alana slide in his sms

Andrina all in favour of attina ditching paul for turtle stud say aye

Ariel Is Scute the turtle okay??

Arista Oh no! The turtle!

Andrina AYE

Alana AYE

Ariel No, you can't ditch Paul!!

Ariel He has kids!!

Andrina ugh ariel

Aquata he has a girlfriend, that's homewrecking.

Alana Paul has baggage

Ariel Stanley has a girlfriend!

Alana o tru

Ariel What Aquata said!

Arista Yeah! No homewrecking

Attina this shouldn't even be a conversATION

Ariel What baggage does Paul have??

Aquata um, he has children and a psycho ex?

Attina he doesn't have baggage he's perfectly lovely

Aquata thats what we established right?

Arista I dunno I don't think Attina has seen his closet yet

Aquata not his actual baggage Ris

Alana I'm p sure Ted Bundys victims would've called him perfectly lovely too

Arista Ohhh I dunno you can tell a lot by someone's baggage

Ariel Why are kids baggage?

Andrina right what can u tell about me from my baggage ris

Aquata fun fact they did call him lovely.

Ariel And it's not his fault if his ex is- well, is she really psycho?

Andrina idk ariel did she seem psycho Andrina u spent 2 days with her

Alana did u hear about the speed dating thing

Attina ugh why does this always turn into a convo about PAUL

Arista Ohhh I dunno you can tell a lot by someone's baggage

Ariel Why are kids baggage?

Andrina right what can u tell about me from my baggage ris

Aquata fun fact they did call him lovely.

Ariel And it's not his fault if his ex is- well, is she really psycho?

Andrina idk ariel did she seem psycho Andrina u spent 2 days with her

Alana did u hear about the speed dating thing

Attina ugh why does this always turn into a convo about PAUL

Ariel I mean not really, she didn't try to murder anyone or anything, I think she was just worried about her kids and it made her on edge

Alana she like stormed out in a rage just cuz he like talked to other girls lol

Andrina sorry you're the most interesting one of us

Aquata because you're boy crazed

Alana so she might kill atty

Arista I don't remember everyone's baggage. Do you have baggage?

Aquata shes defo gonna kill atty

Alana Yah don't mind me I'm boring lol

Andrina just kidding we should go back to talking about the ice castle

Aquata its been nice knowing you

Andrina i need specs

Ariel Why do you guys think she's gonna kill Teen??? Don't joke about that!!!

Attina no one is going to KILL ME

Alana I think ris is snogging van

Attina yes, let's talk about hte ICE CASTLE

Alana giving her a good old Australian kiss

Andrina dammit ris

Ariel How are you and Paul though Attina?

Attina what the hell is an australian kiss

Andrina wow

Alana oh you know

Andrina do u wanna tell her alana Andrina or me

Arista Van isn't Australian

Attina we're fine--good i think i dunno i haven't heard from him actually

Alana Like a French kiss Alana but down under

Aquata but down under Aquata ha ha

Arista Stan is Australian

Alana aqua I know you think I'm cool but come up w ur own lines

Ariel He hasn't checked on you?

Aquata I really don't think your cool so....????

Attina what an incredibly weird name

Andrina *you're

Alana Lol

Attina also no, ariel he hasn't but it's fine he's got his babies to worry about

Ariel Have you checked on him? Ariel Maybe he's too preoccupied with the babies

Arista Have you checked on the turtles???

Attina no he's got his babies to worry about

Ariel They're so CUTE

Alana they r loud

Ariel They're babies

Andrina do they do any tricks

Alana but cute ok i guess Alana patch can do a newsstand

Attina they're only a year old, paul was telling me they're starting to talk though!

Andrina wow never heard of that one before Andrina a newsstand

Ariel newsstand? Ariel what's that?

Alana he sells papers on the streets

Andrina like a 21st century newsie

Ariel No he doesn't, he's a baby

Andrina wears the lil hat and everything

Alana it's reverse child labor Alana what no

Attina that makes me want to get him a newsie hat wouldn' that be adorable

Arista Wow that's so cute!

Andrina technically newsies were employed by the papers they sold

Alana start an young Alana **THEM

Attina do they have newsie hats for babies

Andrina wow you should do that and tell paul about this very conversation

Alana sorry nails

Andrina "my sisters want to support your child's newsie career"

Attina he'd probably get a kick out of it, honestly but i can't tell him we were talking about him Attina obviously

Alana lockpicking really does a number on ur nails lemme tell you Alana u can just say we brought it up since Ariel and I met the babies sorta

Arista Maybe Stan can knit Paul's kid a Newsie hat

Alana beautiful

Attina oh! there we go!

Andrina i ship this polyamorous relationship

Alana get stan to knit me a bra

Ariel Would a knit bra be comfortable?

Attina it's not polyamorous guys and girls can be friends

Alana yeah it's like a cure bracket Alana **BRALETTE

Ariel Wait, what's polyamorous?

Alana when u r dating more than one person but like they all know Alana and r cool w it

Andrina the ideal we should all strive for

Alana and r maybe dating each other too

Attina not for me, thank you.

Alana more boys to score u, atty

Ariel Wouldn't they get jealous?? Ariel I would get SO jealous

Alana nah some people don't get super jealous

Andrina jealousy can be transcended Andrina sides ppl get jealous in monogamous relationship see ice bitch for an example

Alana ^^

Andrina she's not even IN a relationship and she's still plotting murder

Attina we don't know that Attina she could be fine with it

Andrina that mighhhht be true

Attina she could be perfectly lovely

Andrina but it also might noooot be true Andrina and judging on current data

Ariel Who's Ice Bitch again?

Andrina its more likely nooooot true

Alana ok well p sure I can get her number for u and u can ask her urself Alana perdita

Attina how are you going to get her number Attina also no.

Andrina i can stalk her and then pretend to be her friend and get the deets

Alana i have my ways

Andrina that's a more convoluted plan than alana's but more fun for me so

Alana also like the cast list

Andrina plus what else am i doing with my summer Andrina nothing

Attina i would really just like all of you to butt out of it honestly it is very tender and new and easily breakable, like the delicate ecosystem of the reef.

Ariel Why do you guys all not like her so much?

Andrina well the reef similie's convinced me

Alana Ariel scroll back to the "stormed out in a jealous rage during speed dating bc how dare Paul talk to another girl when they aren't even in a relationship"

Attina we don't know that's why she stormed out Attina maybe she had to make a phone call

Ariel Yeah

Alana I'm sure she has her reasons but the fact is atty is still entering dangerous waters

Andrina the Angriest Phone Call.

Alana lmao ok

Ariel She could have stormed out because a guy said something rude Ariel You don't know

Attina oh that's true too

Aquata yes, I'm SURE that it was because she was answering her phone Aquata or said something rude Aquata definitely

Alana and her friend ran after her bc that's what happens when u answer the phone

Attina look, i'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

Andrina personally i always use the buddy system when making phone calls

Alana don't say we didn't warn you Alana she's like tswift in blank space

Ariel Who ran after her?

Alana uhh redhead

Attina oh i think her name starts with an "a"

Alana ani...ta?

Ariel Then maybe a guy really did do or say something rude and her redhead friend was making sure she was okay

Andrina le gasp its one of us

Attina yes that's it! anita

Alana even ends w an a too

Attina wow that name is rather...triton isn't it, though blends better lol

Andrina can i befriend ANITA an get the deets then Andrina give me some sort of covert mission

Alana I support that

Attina i think i told you to stay out of it actually Attina no your marching orders are to stay out of it, it's not fair of you to pry into my personal business

Andrina ok does anyone have any kind of covert mission for me

Alana get another bottle from a different swynlake establishment

Andrina thnx Andrina that'll be my tuesday activity

Attina andrina no sTEALING

Ariel Ummm teach me how to fake kiss?

Andrina you just put ur hands in front of ur mouth

Ariel Doesn't that look super obvious??

Aquata how the hell did we get here?

Andrina ok to be more specific it's like your thumb. and the rest of your hand just looks like you're gently caressing the cheek of your lover Andrina its Advice with Andrina hour duh

Ariel huh

Andrina i can show you later lucky number seven i'll fake kiss u to the moon

Ariel I feel like I'm gonna laugh too much

Andrina well DONT its very SERIOUS

Attina then you'll wind up *actually* kissing her

Andrina i've kissed worse Andrina unfortunately lmao

Ariel I don't wanna kiss my sister!!! Ariel Or Marie Ariel Marie is nice and pretty but I don't really want to kiss a girl I don't think

Andrina a shame tbh they are uuuuusally better kisses

Attina never know until you try lmao

Andrina taste nice, smell nice, soft lips

Ariel But boyyyyys

Aquata it's a play, you're fine

Attina something you're not telling us andy?

Andrina ok everyone here knows i have kissed girls before i kissed brit like a few weeks ago for free shots at pixie's lmao

Adella girl kisses are much better

Andrina thank you dell

Attina there is a diff between kissing girls for drinks and kissing them because they smell nice

Ariel Wait is Andrina gay now too?

Andrina yup Andrina gay today, who knows what i'll be tomorrow

Adella are any of us gay?

Andrina isnt everyone a little gay

Ariel Isn't Arista?

Attina i'm pretty sure i'm not

Andrina ariel for the last time

Ariel I don't think I am

Andrina love u

Adella we're both bi

Andrina but just because you date or kiss a girl does not make you gay

Ariel Oh Ariel I know that!!

Andrina please google "sexuality"

Attina i think there is some liek beautiful irony to the twins being bi idk

Adella same tbh

Ariel I know about sexuality!! Ariel I just wanted to be sure

Andrina then dont ask me if im gay just cuz ive kissed a girl or two

Adella girls are great u should def kiss the girl

Aquata yet you think kissing marie will automatically make you gay

Ariel I dunno how it works, I only really like guys Ariel I didn't say that Ariel I just don't want to kiss her

Adella bet her lips are softer than dash's

Attina everyone leave ariel alone, she's still learning

Andrina oh definitely i bet dash tastes like cheese

Attina oh that's definitely true you know she uses some fancy french moisturizer or something

Adella plus isn't that a part of being an actress like ur not kissin her cause u think she's cute

Ariel Don't Ariel You can't just

Adella ur doin it cause she's ur romeo

Ariel You don't know what Dash tastes like!!

Andrina hey im js Andrina and i like cheese so Andrina it was a compliment

Adella same

Ariel I mean I guess?

Aquata hes a teenage boy, of course he tastes like cheese

Attina also good point della

Andrina yeah it's for the S T A G E

Ariel Stop talking about what my boyfriend tastes like please!!

Attina and like i *said* if you're uncomfortable, just tell simba

Ariel Maybe I'll try it. Like, just a peck or something?

Aquata there you go

Adella doesn't haveta be full tongue

Ariel I wanna make sure Dash is okay with it though

Attina well you certainly aren't going to be making out with her on stage

Aquata im sure he's going to understand conisdering its a play

Ariel Okay okay

Adella unless u wanna

Aquata though you dont need his permission for everything

Adella but i mean

Attina i doubt he's expecting anything more than a peck, could even be a cheek kiss really--whatever you're comfortable with

Adella truuuuuu

Andrina marie has to want it too also

Andrina maybe MARIE doesn't wanna kiss YOU ariel Andrina huh ever think about THAT lil missy

Ariel It's okay if she doesn't

Attina just like it's okay if you don't

Ariel I don't know how to feel if she like, really does tho

Attina it's not her decision, it's yours

Andrina let her down easy,

Ariel Okay

Adella��still think it's dumb if u don't even try tho Adella js

Attina consent is important Attina even in a play

Ariel it is!

Aquata I'm pretty sure the fact that she signed on to be romeo automatically means that shes consenting to the kiss

Aquata otherwise she wouldn't have agreed

Andrina that's not true Andrina it's a teen production lol its not that big a deal if they kiss or not

Adella we're all glazing over the fact that it's just a stage kiss again

Aquata ^^^

Andrina yeah but people can still be uncomfortable with that

Adella 3 minutes ago u were on team stage kiss

Andrina i wouldn't be, but heeey who knows people got religious reasons or values or something-- i mean i totally am team stage kiss but its not THAT big a deal either way

Ariel We'll see guys okay Ariel I don't like feeling pressured though Ariel Is everyone going to be expecting us to kiss? Because then I have to at least stage kiss I don't want to let everyone down

Andrina just talk to simba and you'll be fine

Attina i think you can easily sell the performance without a kiss, but listen to andrina, talk to simba--he's been in lots of plays before, he'll know what's up.

Ariel Ugh okay

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