#i miss not being fucked up
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TW: this may be triggering to read if you have PTSD or other similar form of trauma response, especially related to hostilities.
Please always take care, loves.🤍
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My mind is still lost at war,
I close my eyes, and there's fireworks,
I stop my ears, but shots still explode,
It's all in my head, all in my head.
In my head, it is all too real,
I see reds, and it's ash and flames,
I hear bikes, and the sirens wail,
My mind and its tricky games, games.
I smell smoke, and I jolt awake,
I taste salt, it's too much to take,
Both my head and my mind are fake,
Damn them both to hell, hell!
Everything triggers fight or flight—
It's too late. War has crept inside.
Fireworks seized my head, my mind,
And they burst, and somebody, I—
Fireworks, July 2024

#poetry#poems and poetry#poem#original poem#poems on tumblr#poets on tumblr#writers and poets#writers on tumblr#writing#art#collage#digital collage#aesthetic#summertime's been hitting me hard#it's so smoldering hot and loud and every sensation seems to strike my nerves#i miss peaceful sleep#i miss enjoying watching fireworks#i miss not being fucked up#im so angry at myself for not being able to unfeel this#like i can unfeel so many emotions but not this and it makes me SEE RED pun intended#doesn't mean i'll stop trying to sheer power of will this shit from existence#maybe one day it'll work#...don't take psychological advice from me kids#do therapy
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I hadn’t drawn the house of hades boys in years! Curse me! This isn’t exactly a remake of an old painting but it’s in the vibe of how I used to draw them all the time. Poetic and stealing kisses
#hades game#zagreus#thanatos#thanzag#I have missed than being a shy tsundere who was so so so fucking difficult to catch up with#loved them and loved this game#can’t wait to see what happens next to curb stomp my heart#no spoilers if there were any clues in the tech test!!!!#I don’t want to hear it lalalallalalalallalala
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do skully have pokemon?
Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.
(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)
#art#twisted wonderland#pokemon#poketwst#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(sorry for leaving anon off for a while! i've gotten a rash of spam and i'm gonna wait it out a couple days before turning it back on)#also apologies for the rest of this not really being pokemon related#i don't have anything right now for part 4 of the event so i'm gonna use this space to go off about it#because. oh man.#a sad lack of the scullsman but a FEAST of everyone else#gotta love malleus and leona uniting in the common goal of hunting trey down for trying to game their whiny pettiness#(trey doesn't know what to do with someone he can't easily distract with cake)#also further confirmation that malleus WILL kill a small child and leona WILL point and laugh the whole time#also sebek's plans revolving around what he knows he's good at: screaming extremely loudly and hoisting nerds#and let us not forget what i consider to be the crowning jewel#which is jamil figuring out IMMEDIATELY where scully has taken his prisoners#only for everyone else to just. literally refuse to do anything about it.#jamil just standing there and going 'WE KNOW WHERE THEY ARE! WE CAN JUST! GO GET THEM!!!! WHYYY AREN'T WE GOING'#visibly losing his entire mind and it's beautiful#top 10 twst event moments honestly#also some delightful character consistency from jade being all#'actually my dicking around is a sign of my immense trust in your abilities to get things done :)'#'but also consider: there are currently two housewardens chasing a child'#'alternately angrily screaming poetry and begging them not to sue'#'and if you will pardon my city of flowers...there is no fucking way i'm missing that'#lock shock and barrel did not sign up for this. how did these idiots turn out to be somehow weirder than the three of them.#twisted wonderland must be a frightening place indeed
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
#for finncakes.arts dtiys on instagram... i missed you wxs#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#polysho#my ipad did not survive this one its at 3% after like 5 procreate crashes#and sending me visions of it being put down like a dog. Not happening#kirapipi album release im FREE#wxs getting 1 another wanopo comm and 2 a traditional japanese style song. ive been saying they need it. emu deep voice can save the world#I drew emus recent card the untrained but i dont KNOW HOW TO RENDER SNYMORE IDK HOW TO DO IT. SO SHES TRAPPED#in my wip art timeloop for eternity.#tsukasa is pissing me off so bad in this no matter how many times i drew and redrew his head imhe just completely breaks the illusion of#depth i think i actually did alright on rui and emu. i love how theynlook. Went hard rendering tsukasas outfit i guess which.#pisses me off MORE. its NOT THE FOCAL POINT. TSUKASA INHOPE YOUR NEXT LIM HAIRCUT IS EVEN MORE STUPID. YOURE RUINING MY LIFE.#whats supposed to be his hand is so fucked up with the perspective too helppp me just pretend its nenes.#the tonal difference from my ladt post is so funny. fuck you siffrin you stupud cat
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blink and you'll miss it moments around skyhold....
#solavellan#solas#gotta put out some tender stuff to balance the chaos target team leader solas has caused.#look i just need to go feral in the tags for a moment#okay the fucking. what's he call himself? the great adversary of her people's mythology....falls in love w a woman being forced into a role#not unlike his own#i t makes me c r a z y#like at one point he's all ooooh we're elves need to make sure the humans trust us to ensure safety. gives them a castle......#then he's all ''ooh you cant change the way your legend is getting out of hand. might as well accept it''#but he disapproves if you lean into it/call yourself the herald.#he approves of you fighting against the status quo. encourages sera to sow chaos and has a VERY interesting convo w her about power#''what lop of the top?'' ''yes.'' ''well what's that do except make room for a new top to come and fuck it all up?''#at which point he fuckin STUTTERS and is like. oh fuck. you're right. my bad. and then he shuts up in quiet contemplation#he's clearly wrestling w himself. and Ohmygod the felassanstuff.#like the Guilt. the Regret.#haunting that fucking rotunda.#and yet he's so in love w lavellan if they go that route.#like clearly some stuff was missing/fumbled in game. but like#how he fuckin screams for the inquisitor at the well?????!?! OK BOI?!#im just. the dread wolf. great adversary of the dalish pantheon.#turns out to be some somber grim guy with a fatalistic sense of humor who hates tea and greatly values free will#pina art
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Caitriona Balfe officially wrapping Outlander and saying goodbye to Claire Fraser for the final time🥹😭
#outlander#outlander cast#outlandercastedit#outlander: behind the scenes#s8#caitriona balfe#caitrionabalfeedit#sam heughan#sheughanedit#samcait#jamie x claire#claire fraser#gifs#mine#im still not done sobbing about this#gonna miss this show and these characters so much😭#the second she took the wig off and started tearing up i fucking lost it#Claire Fraser you will always be so loved🤧#thank you Caitriona for being our Claire🫶🏽
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making LEAPS and BOUNDS with the feral kitten!! tonight I managed to slowly move her food onto my lap to encourage her to put her paws on me while she ate, and once that clicked, she kept kneading on my hands and my legs. I've already broken the seal w/ being able to touch her, but getting HER to touch ME seems huge, I think she's been really needing that, since I don't know how long it's been since she's been around her family. wooo progress!!! p.s. I don't have any pictures yet, bc whenever I'm with her, I'm playing a youtube video of cat purrs / trills to calm her down, and if I go to take a picture it'll pause the video. but I WILL take a picture of her soon!
#CONTEXT: she was born in our garage and we've been seeing her and her litter on-and-off ever since#we know she had at least two littermates and I've seen her mom around too#but recently she was all by herself (made her easier to catch) but I haven't seen the rest of the family (I am concerned)#obviously she misses her litter. because she's not used to being alone.#and the only way to make her comfortable is to put on a video of a mama cat trilling at her babies OR a video of a cat loudly purring#it needs to sound like there's another cat around somewhere. again. not used to being alone!#I'd like to see if I can't introduce Toby to her so she can have some feline interaction but he's kind of a cunt. so.#I'll see how I feel about that after she's continued to warm up to these new surroundings she's found herself in.#It's HUGO who truly wants to see her but I doubt a big as fuck dog is what she wants to see right now#but he's desperate to interact with her. he loves kittens.#sergle.txt
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I feel like too often people frame Nie Mingjue's issues as ignorance borne from safety. Like, they think that because of his privilege as a sect leader he doesn't know what it's like to be in danger and forced to make hard choices to survive. And I disagree. Strongly.
First of all, Nie Mingjue is very familiar with death not only from war but from. You know. Actively dying since the age of fourteen. Let us not forget Nie Mingjue is dead! Super dead! And maybe he didn't die the exact way he expected to but he did, absolutely, know he was going to die. To act like Nie Mingjue is unfamiliar with the scenario of "do something you find morally reprehensible or die" is to ignore that he has been living that exact scenario and chose death.
Nie Mingjue knows death is a risk for someone like Jin guangyao, in fact he explicitly acknowledges it even in his worst moments like the stairs in chapter 49. Had his issue been ignorance, then he would've responded to Jin Guangyao saying that he's in danger and has to sacrifice others for his own safety with "No you aren't you'll be fine." But he doesn't. He accepts the fact that jgy is in danger with no qualms and says: then you should die.
That's not him betraying his values, those are his values. He is, essentially, pro-suicide. Jgy is like hey I have a moral dilemma what should I do and nmj straight up goes "Kill yourself" and earlier that same chapter when he was faced with a moral dilemma he went "I'm gonna kill myself." He believes the solution to moral dilemmas is suicide! He is extremely consistent about this! When it's pointed out to him that it would have been dangerous for Wen Qing to oppose Wen Ruohan it doesn't phase him because he thinks putting yourself at risk to do the right thing is the only moral choice. The idea that he can only hold this belief because he is himself somehow not in danger, again, requires you to ignore that he is dying the whole time. And it doesn't deter him. He is the idea of self-sacrifice as a moral good taken to its absolute logical extreme. Someone who is ready to die and demands the same from everyone else.
It makes him a very fun case study for fandom, because a lot of fandom spaces also tend to revere self-sacrifice as the ultimate good, and yet we get very uncomfortable when someone starts demanding it of characters we love. Like woah, hold on, that's a bit too far isn't it? Only we the audience get to do that!
#mdzs#mdzs meta#nie mingjue#i got a bit spicy at the end there#one wonders of there is perhaps a theme around sacrifice the story is working with here#what with several of the most relevant and major character relationships centering around sacrifice.#anyway I wonder what nmj thought of Wen Qing (and Wen Ning though the jin kept him alive) sacrificing herself at nightless#I have to imagine he approved. despite disagreeing with her he also approved of mianmian giving up her clan position for wwx+ the wens#so he'd think this was her 'finally doing the right thing'#his approval would've been kinda worthless. As a person who is NOT pro-suicide I think that's fucked up! the sacrifice didn't even work!#but it's diabolical to think of the Wen siblings turning themselves in and nmj being there and *praising* them for it.#unhinged behavior. I need this missing scene stat.#this is just kind of a rephrasing of my 'stop calling nmj a hypocrite' post but with a bit more focus on what exactly his values are#and how his problems stem not from him being inconsistent with those values but the fact that they are pretty fucked up!#and that those fucked up values are not a result of a lack danger but the opposite. the *inevitability* of death#he's going to die so he *has* to believe that's the right thing to do.
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Me to my brain: oH my FUCKING god I KNOW she's hot please for the love of all that is holy LET ME LIVE
my brain: LOOK AT HER SMIRK. LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT FUCKING LOOK YOURE NOT LOOKIN YOU BITCH--
#what does my brain fucking want??#THE BRAINROT HAS TO END AT SOME POINT RIGHT#I've got a fucking paper to write and yet all I can come up with are s2 theories and shitty hcs#blue eye samurai#mizu#mizu blue eye samurai#mizu brainrot#mizu bes#mizu come home the kids miss you#bes#blueeyesamurai
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Lord Hans Capon of Pirkstein
{slaying, shooting and casually dodging his way through life}
bonus:
#kingdom come deliverance#hans capon#kcd#kcd2#my gifs#i felt we don‘t give this boy enough credit for his fighting skills#like being called zizka‘s most talented marksman — by zizka himself!#whirlwinding through rows of enemies and saving henry‘s arse a dozen times in the meantime#and missing a shot to the fucking face with his reflexes not once but twice! legend.#also can we talk about how he utilises his whole body and environment to fight? our lord grew up as a feral street cat and it shows
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not really valentines specific but had a vision of scoutpauling Normal Straight Guy yaoi. you understand. or you dont. you will. you must understand
#tf2#tf2 scout#miss pauling#scoutpauling#tf2/ scout#tf2/ pauling#rule 63#was thinking about mister pauling with wirey hair and then i immediately began thinking about men kissing#also pardon paulings anatomy being weird i fucked it up while painting cuz he was initially taller n im too lazy 2 fix#racmune art#ALSO my wacom still isnt working but randomly my sister's started working on my laptop again although it hadnt been previously?#so ive just been borrowing that
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for your consideration
BDHSJSJDJD THE SHAKY THUMBS UP IM,
#asks#farcille#always love the way you draw falins signature smile like this thank you#i guess this is what i mean about topping being subjective bc this doesnt technically count for me but i know it would for others#like regardless i LOVE this. falin being all glowy and happy while marcille is shambling like a skeleton. this is real and true#but it feels like 90% of it wouldve been falin grabbing marcille's ass and fucking herself while going wild on the praise kink in her ear#not to mention if the dick is homegrown she wouldve needed mad fantasy viagra to keep up with miss 5/5 stamina stat over here
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its been a while since i did lestappen text posts so here you go
all other parts here
#my pinterest got fucked up making these lmao#who am i kidding it was already fucked up#anyways checo being steve is very funny i will miss him being the designated lestappen 3rd wheel#shameless tagging from here on so look away now#look away#i said look away#omg you just dont litsen do you#im gonna count to 3#and then you look away#1#2#2.5#3#okay keep looking but don't say i didn't warn you its literally just tags its not that serious#lestappen#f1 text posts#im in your walls#max verstappen#charles leclerc#jk jk im in your floors#f1 memes#formula 1#okay fine im under your bed#f1 incorrect quotes#formula one#jk jk but dont look at your ceiling#f1 incorrect posts#f1#nah youre good im nowhere near you lol don't worry..your neighbours keep their windows very clean tell them that next time you meet them:P
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tfone au where OP is created as the last of the primes but way after them, a sparkling born at what were thought to be the last days of the war against the quintessons, the beginning of a new generation of peace after eons of war. a child meant to be loved and raised knowing nothing of war nor sacrifice.
he's kept mostly out of the spotlight by his siblings, who don't wish to expose him to everyone's optics so young, and want to wait until the war is done and over to properly introduce him to their people.
except of course the primes are betrayed and murdered by sentinel, the war is lost and everyone who knows and cared for the truth is either banished or outright killed in order to suppress it.
and the high guard, the ones the primes trusted the most, the ones that were supposed to protect them, the ones who failed in their most important duty, have to make a choice. to take the last prime, their last hope, with them to the surface, a hostile environment where there's little to no supplies and where they'll be hunted down by both sentinel and the quintessons as the biggest threat to their regimen.
or hide him in plain sight. place him where sentinel won't think to look for him. one more sparkling among many. and hope it will be enough to keep him alive. pray to primus that he'll protect his last child long enough for them to come back for him when it's safer (even if most of them have already lost their faith on him when he allowed the rest of his children to be massacred like that)
they almost lose their resolve when they realize they will have to take the little one's cog away in order to make him blend in with the rest of the newborns (and oh do they burn with murderous intent when they see what sentinel has done to their people but it's not the time yet-) but in the end they decide an impaired little prime is better than a dead one.
and so in the chaos of thirteen dead primes and a sudden energon crisis, a little sparkling who very few mechs really knew about and even fewer had seen completely vanishes. and in the depths of iacon a mech in charge of a new batch of newborns scratches their helm in confusion as they realize they must have miscounted the first time.
optimus prime is quietly erased from any official records by sentinel, written off as dead when they find a sparkling's frame mangled beyond recognition after an attack on the base of those rebels that insist on being a thorn on his side. killing the sparkling hadn't been precisely in his plans, he probably could've found some use for it after all, but he's not particularly upset about it either.
and orion pax grows up with an ache on his spark that tells him he's missing something far more important than a t-cog and dreams of gentle and loving hands, cradling him against the frames of mechs he cannot recall the faces of.
#i talk a lot <3#transformers#transformers one#tfone#optimus prime#orion pax#baby prime orion au#this is mostly an excuse for me to draw the primes and baby OP later on. just to be clear.#i WILL be drawing this at some point lmao#tbh i'm a little uncertain how i want things to progress#because on one hand it would be very tasty and tense if sentinel recognized optimus during the race#but that means a lot of changes very early on in the plot and i would have to do a lot of Thinking on how to justify getting the gang#to still pick up bee and elita. cause i love them <3#i do think it'd be very funny if the high guard's plan worked like a charm except for the very tiny fact that they didn't count#on orion being an absolute hellion. like. this kid is Not Going Unnoticed and it's completely his own fault lmao#in this version maybe a member of the high guard stayed behind to keep an eye on orion and is able to get them out before they're killed#but instead of taking them to where the primes fell they take them directly to the high guard#which is very awkward because it's a very moving and emotional moment for the high guard who are finally reunited with their little prime#all grown up and healthy and blessedly *alive*. except orion doesn't fucking remember any of them and is very confused as to why#the legendary warriors of cybertron are getting all weepy over him. they finally explain the truth to him which is a Fucking Bomb#to drop on anyone but especially a group of kids who almost got killed by the person they all thought the world of just hours ago#they also return orion's t-cog to him which would create some tension between him and the rest of the gang because this time#he's the only one getting his cog back. add to it that they were just told he's the equivalent of a demi-god and... well.#there's a gap between him and them that wasn't there before#on the other version of events that follows canon more closely everything goes the same up until the gang finds the primes in the cave#and wake up alpha trion who now not only has to deal with the fact the rest of his siblings are dead but that he missed fifty cycles#of his baby brother's life. that the only sibling he has left does not remember him or his true identity at all.#he has to choose between telling him the truth which has the risk of unbalancing him in a critical moment where he cannot afford to#be distracted because they're being hunted down. or let him remain unaware. let him forget their family and the love they had for him#but letting him remain free of the knowledge of what he lost and the heartbreak it would bring.
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Forgot to post Target Davrin
#pina art#i am so just. using my tags to vent bc yesterday was my bday#and it started off by being woken up by a call#then my aunt passed away yesterday#Basically everything was shit#also just missing appa and spock a lot#tried to get a milkshake as a birthday treat and they fucked my order up#my order was for a chocolate milkshake#i got a cherry one. idk.#it was 9pm at that point so i contemplated driving into the swamp
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