#i might post some stuff that will catch us up to what ive been up to art-wise lately

[reneray]

[the-s1lly-corner]

SCRAMBLES IN-

Ive had Cotl Bishop relapse and stumbled across your one bed trope with them-

What if lamb catches on that something more might be brewing and lowkey ships it, so they just upgrade the already existing hut instead of building a new one.

And just a few headcanons as to how reader and bishops grow closer/realisation that their cult leader ships it?

(I think it would be funny if at dinner one time lamb just asks 'so when are you gonna ask them out?' and that sentence alone almost kills the bishops again /joke)

P.s would reader be allowed to be a cuddle bug?

P.s.s sorry if this a lot, feel free to pick and choose what parts of the idea you want to include or not. If you want to cut down on the amount of characters Shamura and Leshy would be preffered. ^^

Lambert playing matchmaker w/ you and the bishops

rubs my little hands- you guys ever make all your other followers to go sleep on holy day rituals but leave just 2 followers (that you ship together) alone so they can actually befriend each other and/or fall in love or is that just me notes: reader is gn, playing off of the one bed trope post , post game but not post final quest, short time jump so its at least within a few weeks of the respective bishop joining the cult, written on mobile cws: implied freaky stuff but like "lambert jokes about sending them and you to the mating tent to try to bring you two closer"

Leshy

He hardly needs the Lambe help to make his move on you, hes still got that god like arrogance... he sometimes pops out of the ground just to bug you while you're working... may attempt to drag you off to do something else

...it does sometimes take him a while to recognize the feelings as romantic, before he just loved how attentive you were to him.. it reminded him of how his followers used to fawn over him in godhood

Probably has the balls to scurry into your bed and ask to huddle up with you- it's too cold in this shelter, hes a bug! Hes cold blooded! Warm him up!! ..his moss.. leaves.. things... dont feel too bad.. and if it's too hot? The moss is cool to the touch! It's a win no matter the condition!

If he could glare at the lamb he would, the question of when hes going to ask you out doesnt make him falter... grumbles under his breath about the lamb being annoying and to go away... he cant see the smirk they're giving him

Finds himself working in the same areas as you- if you're chopping wood hes chopping wood.. and so on... not that hes actually going to do work, hes going to attempt to drag you off somewhere

Heket

Shes like her younger brother, shes confident enough to eventually make a move when she feels its right... she won't turn you down for a cuddle session even if shes not entirely a cuddler...

The lamb catches her beelining for wherever you're working to make sure you're not overworking yourself- and how she sometimes forcefully drags you to get some water or to take a break

She actually can glare, and the look she gives the lamb is enough to kill but they remain unphased and ask if she wants them to assign her to the same jobs as you

Super straight forward when she does ask you out, torn vocal cords make it hard to dance around topics- it may almost come off as a threat but that's just because of the growl and strain, her body language tells you shes trying to be tender

Kallamar

If he didnt feel humiliated from getting his ass beat twice by the lamb he would waste no time in trying to romance you- if he had met you later after hes been in the cult for longer, then itd be a different case...

Hes more subtle, testing the waters to see if you're receptive slowly getting bolder with time until hes basically flirting with you

Damn near inks himself when the lamb asks him when he plans on asking you out... would he like it if they sent the two of you to the mating tent to spend some time together? They say it jokingly but he nearly jumps on the offer... though he'd much rather the idea come from you

Subtly brags about his past accomplishments to try to win you over, regardless of if you know he was a bishop or not

Shamura

Slow slow burn, theyve never rushed into relationships so why start now? They want to know all there is to know about you before committing to you.... this leads to a lot of late night talks in your shared hut

Waits until you're both done with your work for the day before coming to you

To outsiders there doesnt seem to be any feelings on their end- but to their siblings and the lamb.. they can tell.. it also helps when at least one of those people can read minds

They don't give much of a reason to the lamb asking when they're going to ask you out- actually they answer honestly if theyve already decided when

Bonus they chirp/purr at you. Literally the only hint to you that they might have some attraction to you prior to asking you out- excluding them outright saying they think you're beautiful or a good companion to have or the longing gazes or how they guide your hands for a task or-

[grcetxt]

Fuck it we ball fanfic time. Gn reader x lars pinfield WOO

Okay WOO lmk if this is shit or ooc or anything, but im pretty happy with how this went :D its a little rushed, might redo it in the future idk. Also i made Y/N bit too much like me (northern) so watch out for that american readers SORRYYY. anwyays enjoy!

I am smart.

No don't laugh, I am, genuinely I am.

Maybe not in the way that others deem important, maybe not in the traditional sense, but I am bright.

Pinfield doesn't think so, the prick.

Every day I come into work, all smiling and welcoming, and what do I get in return? A roll of the eyes if I'm lucky.

Dickhead.

But I don't let him get to me, I love my job. My boss is chill, I love hanging out with Lucky, and the Spenglers seem nice! It's a good gig, really.

I'm the "PR guy" for Ghost Corps. Every time they fuck up and destroy a building or whatever I'm the one who covers it up. I'm a real smooth talker, 'gift of the gab' my mum used to call it.

The team needs me, I know that, they know that. Im crucial to the whole operation, the sole reason why that whiny mayor dude hasnt shut them down.

I'm the one who goes to press interviews, who goes on the radio or on TV. I'm the social media manager, I make videos, and post tweets, fuck I've even started a Ghostbusters youtube account! I deserve a raise honestly. #justiceforY/NthePRguy

I get on with everyone at work except for Pinfield, and I genuinely dont know why.

I've tried getting him to feature in videos, or explain the science of stuff to me so I can actually seem like I know what I'm talking about- but he just brushes me off.

Gary tries to reassure me about this on a daily basis. "Its nothing to do with you Y/N" he smiled one day, putting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me away from the busy scientist. "He doesnt really talk to anyone, he gets really passionate about his work"

"I get that, but there's no need for him to be a dick to me, he's got me thinking all kinds of shit honestly!" I replied, exhasperated "I've never done nowt to him"

Suddenly, Pinfield raised his head from his work, scrunching his eyebrows together. "thats a double negative" he commented, looking at me as if I was stupid. Great, It's the most he's ever spoken to me and its a fucking insult- atleast I think it is.

"you what?" I ask, making my way over to him despite Garys protests. I fold my arms, looking as menacing as i can (which ive been told isn't very menacing at all)

"I said its a double negative, if you've never done nothing then you must've done something" before I can reply, he adds onto the end "which you haven't, by the way. I dont know why you think that. I treat you the same as anyone else"

I can't explain why his answer bothers me so much, but it does. Why does he view me in the same way he views the others? That's hardly fair. I'm always welcoming to him, I make time out of my day to include him in things. I hate to admit it, but I genuinely admire him aswell. His love for all things paranormal, the way he gets so excited and proud when he gets to explain the science of ghost-catching to someone. It's oddly endearing.

I tell him as much (excpet for the stuff about him being endearing, he doenst need his ego inflated any more than it already is)

He looks confused, I've never seen him look like that- its weird. Arrogant? sure. Annoyed? when is he not bffr. Happy? Once or twice. But confused? Weird. This is the guy with all the answers, the smart one.

He thinks for a moment, before seemingly making a desision. He stands up with a small huff of exhasperation, and walks off.

As he goes past me, he grabs my arm, more gently than I thought he was capable of. Okay, i guess im coming too. Fun, roadtrip time.

He takes me out of the lab and down the corridor, into a relatively well lit small room.

"Well this is-" before i can speak properly, he cuts me off. Told you he was a prick.

"I dont understand you Y/N" he blurts out, looking at me, as if I'm some sort of specimin hes studying in the lab.

"Well good." I joke. I dont like the serious tone he's taking. Dont like how aware I am of his gaze. HATE the fact I can feel my cheeks burning. Gross. Pinfield is a dick, we've established this. Why the fuck am I BLUSHING because he's LOOKING at me? Bit embarassing, pull it together Y/LN.

He doenst like this though. He shakes his head, pacing around.

"No Y/N you dont get it. I understand everyone, sort of anyways. I've observed them, I can predict their reactions to things. I know what they're all like- but you're... I just dont understand! You're so happy and nice all the time, but you also get angry at stupid stuff, but never really properly angry? I cant make sense of it, genuinely. You've not done anything wrong, you can't do anything wrong. Thats frustrating too. It's like you're this perfect, beautiful person, and I've been trying to see flaws but I cant-" He rambles, speaking like hes just letting out one stream of constant thoughts. He seems stressed, poor guy.

I interupt him, grabbing his arm. "Hey, c'mon Pinfi- I- Lars. C'mon Lars. I'm not worth the stress mate" I try and reassure him, but that just agitates him more.

"See! That's just it! I've been horrible to you, I admit it. But you've kept trying with me! When I hurt my hand you were the one who bandaged it and put it in a sling"

(i had found him almost blacked out from the pain on the lab floor, even the memory of it sent a shiver down my spine)

"you were the only one that looked for me after we all nearly died fighting Garraka"

("Pinfield? Pinfield!? Oh my god, there you are! Thank fuck you're alright!" Okay maybe this tiny non-crush had been going on longer than i thought... christ)

"I dont like the thought of you hurt..." i muttered, embarrased. this definitely wasnt how i was expecting this conversation to go, fuck my life I was crushing on a nerdy scientist who defintely didn't like me back.

He stopped his pacing and walked over to me until the gap between us was non existant. He slowly, hesitantly, lifted his hand until he cupped my cheek.

"I don't like the thought of you upset because of me" he muttered, his voice low.

My heart completely stopped, my breath caught in my throat, was this happening? how was this happening? i swear this guy was like my mortal enemy not even 5 minutes ago. so many revelations were bieng made today...

I decided to be bold, why not? fuck it, i've got nothing to loose at this point.

I leaned in so our noses just grazed eachother, looking at him, really genuinely looking at him. his soft blue eyes that seemed to peer into my soul. Not pierce through it, like some weird blue eyed fuckers i knew, but looked. gently, tenderly, as if he was looking at everything i ever had been, or would be. like i was something beautiful, something to be treaured.

It made me want to sob at the thought. god, how disgustingly sweet.

"make up for it then" i whispered, the tension so thick i could cut it with a knife.

I'd planned on being the one to make the forst move, but apparently, that was all that Lars needed.

He kissed me. His soft lips pressed against mine, sotfly, tenderly, tentatively.

I could feel the anxiety radiating off of him, so i quickly reciprocated. More eagerly than i owuldve liked- but oh well.

I could feel his hand resting on my waist, his thumb gently stroking my cheek. It all felt so tender, so raw, not at all how i thought it would be.

I felt like a teenager again, and couldnt resist letting out a small giggle, making Lars pull away. He looked confused again, making me laugh once again.

"What?" he aksed, a sort of amused smile on his face.

"Nothing- sorry. Nothing at all. Just thinking of how fuming mums gonna be when i tell her ive got a posho for a boyfriend"

"I am NOT posh!"

"you are a littleee"

"I AM NO- wait- boyfriend?"

"oh shit didnt mean to say that bi-"

he cut me off with another kiss, this one much more confident.

It felt like a million fireworks were going off in my head, oh I could definetly get used to this feeling. This war, sweet, happy feeling. My senses were flooded with everything Lars. His taste, his smell, his touch.

I felt like I was learning to live again.

[rockybloo]

Ive recently just started doing art, and i apologize in advance if you've gotten this question before frequently, do you have any tips for beginner artists and how did you find your art style? I'm constantly amazed by how you do anatomy and expressions, their so distinct and expressive!

Thank you!

And I actually don't get asked a lot of questions about myself when it comes to art. Many come to this account so I can put my OCs on the phone for questions, so this is lowkey a new question. I might have been asked it before years ago but I am better at drawing now.

HOWEVER, I have to state that I am simply a hobbyist artist and not a freelancer or professional so my tips will be kinda off brand compared to their word. ANYWAYS...

THINGS THAT I FIND HELPFUL FOR ARTING (besides practicing because I mean...we all know the only way to get better is to practice so it'd be kinda redundant say it - we all know to do it)

Practice drawing in pen. Pen can't be erased. So instead of sketching and erasing and sketching and erasing, it is nonstop sketching. It helped me a lot with speeding up my sketching, even in digital, because I got used to making little goofy mistakes. It also helps to fight perfectionism

Use references. I know that's just as redundant as saying to practice but references are genuinely underrated. Whether they be colors or poses - references are your friend. I use them whenever I am having a hard time drawing something.

Redraw things. I occasionally redraw memes or scenes from animated movies with my OCs. It's stranger really helpful, especially if there is a certain expression in the original image because it lets you play around with how to draw it to catch the correct vibes. PLUS redrawing funny stuff helps take the stress off creating art because it reminds you not every drawing has to be amazing.

Don't neglect your body when you draw. STOP DRAWING WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY, THIRSTY, OR NEED THE BATHROOM! THE DRAWING CAN WAIT - YOU WILL HAVE A MUCH EASIER TIME CREATING ART WHEN YOU ARE NOT SUFFERING FROM THE HUMAN CONDITION.

Stretch your hands. Drawing puts strain on them and your fingers will ache and your hand may get stiff. Practically hand and finger stretches keeps your hands happy. I do them all the time just because I use my hands a lot for art AND my day job.

Numbers are the devil and the algorithm is a warlord. If you post your art online, it's easy to get into the mindset that you aren't good enough because you have low interactions on your work. THIS IS FALSE - NUMBERS DO NOT EQUAL QUALITY. It's better to draw for yourself and the enjoyment of art rather than drawing to attract a fanbase and attention

As for how I figured out my art style, what you all see is the result of me taking bits and pieces from things I like and blending it all together. An art style is really just figuring out what stuff you like from other people's styles and doing your own thing with it.

To break down some of my own style, the way I shade the underside of noses is something I got from Soul Eater since I loved how the anime marked noses with little dots.

The way I draw lips was a journey. I used to only line the top lip like how the manga for D Gray Man would. Then I saw how Steven Universe stylized fuller lips and sort of started playing with that. Over the course of me exploring - I found more online black artists and learned from how they shade and render lips.

Style is very much something that takes a long time to develop. I've been active online since 2011 and it took me until this year to finally figure out a style I really vibe with.

[listleven]

Using LOA with love

(and pateince+persistence)

FIRST BLOG!

Hi LOA Tumblr! I am frankly new to this community but have seen enough to know over consuming is not what I should be doing. Im here to show my journey in manifesting my ideal reality, using the list method, SAT's, and whatever else I can say I might use meditations but I don't know yet(I have a invasive family, I dont want them to catch me doing that 😭) I will post what subs I will use. Most of all I know I have it now soooo. Ive seen enough of post's yelling at me bc Im paying attention to the 3d or telling me once again about LOA. Im still in a partial learning faze so I might use this blog to ask questions, but mostly Im going to start applying and this blog is for everyone who is as well. Basically for reminding everyone we are in our desired realities/have our desires! I've had loads of success with LOA so it is real and very much inevitable. Anyway here are some stuff in my list of everything in my ideal life (which is from now on my actual life) I will be posting the results but technically I already have it so yeah.

-I never study for anything but when I get a test or question on it I answer correctly without fail

-I always get straight As

-I only affirm once to manifest instantly

-I am the void every time I count down from 5

-My 3c hair looks exactly like the Pinterest curly hair, even though I don't put any effort into it, I literally just wash my hair and leave it alone, its so easy to do.

-Every godsend beautiful fanfic I've read in AO3 that's been left unfinished now has an ending and its so good 😩

-I can speak, read, write any language I want perfectly

-I shift instantly with just one affirmation

-Im really good at dancing and singing

-I don't have to use the toilet anymore (its so annoying ill drink one glass of water and boom)

-My favorite show isn't poorly written and is actually really good (guess which one, It really has so much potential and its actually my biggest object of love I have to save it )

Besides my hair being effortlessly good Im not touching my physical appearance bc Ive always been very pretty and skinny but that doesn't mean its "harder" to manifest and if you want to go for it its your reality you deserve to feel good about yourself. Up till now my life has been messed up by older men, my mom, school, and religion but no more of that! Now I have everything in my list and I'm living my most ideal life! Feel free to send asks and DM me to vent or whatever. IK a lot of people don't like that but I personally find it easier to talk to online strangers and dont mind at all.

Im also very curios about lucid dreaming I might update on that too, idk ksksk, Anyway,

~ With Love, you can call me, Jyspire

[thatonebipotato]

gonna ramble about MAWS season 3 predictions and stuff under the cut, its gonna be pretty long and also mostly about conner

ok so first off, MAWS season 3 and conner in s3 are both CONFIRMED LETS GOOO

so i have some thoughts about what i think will happen, at least very specifically with conner

alright so first off, its possible that they could go the standard clone route. thats what im hoping for, as it seems pretty fun and has so much angst potential, especially in this iteration

first off there's the half kryptonian half human thing. thats probably gonna be luthors main draw to why superboy is better. however, thats also gonna be the thing that drives him to isolation, as it tends to do. hes too human to be kryptonian and too kryptonian to be human

luthor and slade, who are fairly good at manipulation, can use this against him and keep him feeling isolated so that he stays with them. knowing them and what they can do, i also believe that they might use kryptonite against him to keep him in line

i believe it could be some kind of sick back and forth, where conner keeps one upping clark and kara and being used as proof that aliens arent needed or wanted, and then clark and kara catching back up and him feeling like hes failing his only purpose

this leads up to a culmination of superboy going against superman and supergirl. ive mentioned the line "i never asked/wanted to be made" coming up before, and i think it could be here that its used

the first season was about clark learning and accepting who he is, then the second was about him and kara learning and accepting who they are, so it does make sense for the third season to also throw in a third kryptonian so they learn who they are together

however, the conner teaser we got shows him looking fairly tan. both luthor and clark are fairly pale in this iteration, so its possible that it could be a clone between lois and clark instead, as ive seen some people point out.

the alternative, which i think is a little bit more likely, is that it will be a conner from an alternate dimension.

alternate dimensions have already been played around with in the first season of MAWS, and as seen in this photo (the second one of the post) from the panel showing off what might be the s3 opening or possibly a promotional poster or smth, it looks like they're not only going to be bringing back the other dimensions, but it seems like that might be the main focus of the season

what i think could happen with this is that they either get to a dimension with conner in it and he helps them with whatever they need, or hes the one/is also traveling dimensions and they just happen to run into each other and they help each other out.

from there, i think we can learn that conner doesnt exist in the main dimension yet, so conner gives clark tips on how to handle him when he finally gets made. that, or because of weird dimension stuff he has to be super tight lipped about everything and can only give him vague hints.

near the end of the season, we also get a teaser for the main universes superboy, who gets to actually star in a potential 4th season

idk, these are just my thoughts that i wanna share. we dont have a lot to go off of as far as i know, but im so hyped for the next season its insane. if anyone wants to add PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go for it, id love to hear other thoughts and perspectives and discuss this with people!!

[sadiecoocoo]

The Shadows are Coming Chp. 3

Summary - Tech learns more about the sickness, Wrecker goes to find his brothers

Word Count - 2226

Read on AO3

Previous Chapter

Notes: Happy spooky everybody!!! here's some eerie zombie stuff for you :) I am still going to be posting once a month, sadly I haven't worked on this fic much since the last chapter... Attack on Titan has me a in a chokehold, but that can be good news if you like aot and want a nice gory fic for it soon >:) also I didn't bother editing this chp... so sorry for any errors lol anyways, hope you enjoy!

Tech motioned for Wrecker to lay Echo out on the medical table. The brute gently placed the ARC down, resting his hand on his shoulder before pulling away to give Tech room to work. The splicer immediately got out a medical scanner and checked Echo’s vitals.

He held back a curse, not wanting to alarm Wrecker more than he already was. His brother was strong, but Tech didn’t want to test his limits. Echo was semi-conscious now, his eyes open and blinking as he tried to regain comprehension. Tech much preferred him being asleep, it might have been slowing the sickness. 

He seemed to be recovering for the moment though, Tech would guess that soon enough he would be coherent again. The virus seemed to attack in waves then, each one leaving the host weaker and weaker until it could fully take hold.

He needed to get a sample. He started searching the med-bay, looking for both supplies and any hidden troopers waiting for an opportunity to attack. Their intelligence was astounding, not at all like the zombies that Wrecker continued to insist they were.

Twice now they had waited until they could catch the Batch off guard before they struck. They used the dark to conceal themselves and fell into almost complete silence, similar to a wild tooka when hunting. They were even capable of speech, meaning they retained some humanity despite their now murderous nature. And the focus on forcing other troopers’ helmets off rather than simply killing them is uncannily intelligent.

All of these things showed that there was still something human in those troopers. Maybe that bit of sentience could be awakened again. There was a real possibility of a cure. He just needed the time to make it.

“Wrecker,” Tech cut in, breaking the somber silence that had fallen upon the two. “Please seal the door.” He asked. Sealing it would buy him more time in case the troopers that had yet to attack decided they didn’t want to wait anymore.

“What about the others?” Wrecker asked frantically. Tech suppressed a flinch. He turned back to his brother, fighting for something to say. He let out a rough sigh.

“I have no doubts that they will be alright, however I think I can manage here without you if it would make you feel better to go help them.” He said placatingly. Wrecker seemed to have perked up at that. Tech watched as the bruiser’s head turned from the door then to Echo, who was now sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Are you sure?” He asked softly. Tech knew that no matter where Wrecker went, he would worry. However, he was not worried about himself, and knew their brothers would need help to make it to this med-bay.

“Yes, you would be most useful going to help Hunter and Crosshair.” Tech assured. He turned away towards one of the counters, opening a cabinet above to search for decent enough supplies.

“Stay safe.” Wrecker said quickly, then Tech heard the swooshing of the door being shut. He released another sigh, hoping that his brothers really would be alright. He knew they could all handle themselves, but if they got infected and he didn’t make the cure in time, there was no amount of combat skills to beat that.

Tech turned to look for an IV. He wasn’t sure what Echo would need, but coming from the nosebleed he had been having, a blood transplant would be useful. He grabbed the stand and rolled it over to Echo’s bed, then went back to look for fluids.

In one cabinet, there was an unruly pile of blood bags. He grabbed several, and started a scan to be sure the virus hadn’t breached the seals. He frowned at the results. All had traces of the virus, and all would only serve to make Echo worse.

As he continued to search the medical room for any samples that the medics should have collected (there was no telling how incompetent these regs would be), he tried to talk to Echo. He really didn’t say anything meaningful, just random facts or things he’d noticed about the base. He just needed to keep Echo coherent.

Sometimes the reg would hum in response, others he would agree and mumble something else he had noticed about the troopers. He seemed to be coming down from his moment of confusion, Tech chose to see that as a good thing.

Both of them had noticed the trooper’s intelligence. Both had agreed that their use of speech seemed to be to lure people in a trap, and that they mainly communicated using the animalistic snarling they had heard before.

“I dunno if you saw it, but the trooper I had pinned before had pale eyes,” He paused, mouth open as he fought for the right words, “like they were dead.” Echo finished with a numb and haunted tone. Tech paused, pressing his lips into a thin line. Echo sounded so tired, it had barely been half an hour, how could a virus have taken hold of their reg so quickly.

Tech didn’t answer for several moments, instead focusing on the samples he had finally been able to find. There was a datapad next to the sealed vials, and Tech powered it up to go over the files that the regs had hopefully written down.

He skimmed over the aurebesh text, not too happy with his findings.

[0500, morning cycle] A new virus has been found in the base, orders were given to keep our buckets on and quarantine ourselves unless showing symptoms. The base was sealed to prevent it from infecting wildlife and further spreading.

- Nash

[0745, morning cycle]  Several troopers have been checking into the infirmary, I have my hands full. Half of my medics are sick too, I’ve confined them and any others showing symptoms to bed rest. Current symptoms include: fever, dizziness, nausea, struggle of breath, slowing heartbeat, excessive nosebleed. Some had rashes on their skin, almost as if the cells were dying; the ones experiencing these symptoms seem to be dealing the worst.

Someone tried to escape the base, the captain got pissed and ordered all the ships to be dismantled. It was probably overkill, but this virus could be fatal, we can’t let it spread.

- Nash

[1030, morning cycle] There’s not a free bed in the infirmary, I’ve had to run from here to the barracks several times. There are only a few troopers not infected, thankfully myself included. Flay, Grim, Jax, and Skeet are the only others that I’m aware of.

- Nash

[1200, afternoon cycle] Some seem to be recovering now, many are regaining their strength. Physical symptoms are waning, but the infected are under a lot of mental strain. I suspect some may be hallucinating or having fever dreams often. Many seem much less aware of their surroundings and are acting almost violent. It seems to be a final affect of the disease, the ones that had gotten through it seem to have recovered, though they are tired. I think everyone should recover soon.

- Nash

[1300, afternoon cycle] I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. They’re all dead. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I thought they were getting better I thought I fixed it I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry

- Nash

Tech skipped the rest of the log. It was just those two words repeated over and over again. He moved on to the next.

[1310, afternoon cycle] they got up. They just got up. Oh Force they aren’t the same. There’s something wrong. Those aren’t my brothers.

- Nash

[2300, night cycle] we were able to get a quick transmission out before retreating back here. Grim didn’t make it. There’s only four of us left now. They’re at the door. It won’t hold long. We’re going to try hiding in the vents until help arrives. I’ve left samples of the virus, along with the rest of my notes. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it. I just hope whoever finds this will have enough time.

- Nash

Tech was unable to continue reading. He felt sick to his stomach. Within hours, they all died, then came back wrong. He turned back towards Echo, then shut his eyes tightly. Now wasn’t the time to worry, he needed to get this cure made.

But if an entire team of troopers couldn’t get it in time, how could he? He was one person, no matter how smart he was. He might have to redo everything that Nash had done and start from scratch.

He worried his lip, breaking the skin. He didn’t have time to panic and doubt his abilities, Echo needed him now. Tech practiced the breathing exercises he had taught Echo so long ago, to help with the times when he was back there. The splicer never thought he’d be needing them himself.

When he thought he was stable enough to do so, he finished searching the cabinet where he found the datapad. As stated in one of Nash’s logs, a plethora of samples were in a neat container. They contained blood samples, air quality samples, and skin tissue samples.

 He could work with this. He could do this. Tech quickly got them set up to several different machinery to test what kills them. He frowned as he thought how long that might take. At least he wouldn’t have to be present for most of it, and Nash’s findings were still there.

“Hey, Tech?” He jumped at Echo’s call. The splicer turned quickly to give the ARC his attention.

“Yes?”

“It’ll be okay.” Tesh wished he hadn’t said that. He wished he could believe that.

The door opened with a hiss.

Wrecker didn’t think he had ever ran as fast as he was now in his entire life. He was filled with more urgency than any other battlefield had given him. His brothers needed him, he needed to hurry.

He still couldn’t hear any blaster fire, and now he couldn’t even see any signs of the zombies. Tech had said something about them being smart, smart like an animal is, and Wrecker knew Tech was almost always right.

He knew the forest got quiet when there was a predator nearby; Echo had done his utmost to teach Wrecker strategy and taught him the basics like this first. The zombies were the predators, so why were they quiet now. He urged himself to think, to not just focus on barreling through the hallways.

Predators got quiet when they hunt, but if they’re in packs they chase their prey down until they got tired and could finish them off. Hunters in packs wouldn’t focus on stealth, like how the Batch usually ran in blasting unless specifically told not to. So who told the zombies to hide?

He turned a corner, tensing in case something would jump from behind. He was met with silence and shadows. Still shadows, like the water of a pond. Right now, nothing but Wrecker disturbed the water.

He slowed, the paranoia and unease getting to him. He couldn’t hear the zombies, and he couldn’t see them, but he knew they were there. He knew they could see him. So why weren’t they attacking? He was alone. He was easy prey if they outnumbered him enough. So why leave him alone?

Unless they wanted him to get to his brothers. Or to lead him away from something. Or towards something.

Wrecker brought his hand up to the side of his helmet, trying to comms for the millionth time. It was met with an irritating static. It wasn’t the kind of static where the comms weren’t working, it was the kind where the person on the other end wasn’t answering. He suppressed the urge to groan in anger. Now was one of those times where he needed to be quiet.

He was once again stumped on what to do. He wanted to find Hunter and Crosshair, to make sure they were okay. He knew deep down they would be, when those two worked together it was like fighting the force of a god, but he couldn’t help but worry.

He also wanted to go back to Tech. He had left his other brothers practically defenseless. Tech would be distracted while working on the cure and Echo… Echo wouldn’t be able to defend himself.

Kark, why was it so difficult to decide on things? Why couldn’t the answer just be handed to him, like they always were for Tech or Hunter, or really any of his brothers? Why did he have to be the one alone?

A sob built in his throat, and he clamped his mouth shut. He would not panic. He’s been alone on mission hundreds of times before, this wasn’t any different. Except in the ways that it was very different. Other than that, it was exactly the same!

He would go find his brothers, just to make sure they were okay. After that, he could bring them all to where Tech and Echo were, then they’d get the cure, and then they’d leave. That was only, like, four things. He could do this. They’d all be okay.

He jumped in place for a moment, hyping himself up to keep running, then he dashed down the dark halls.

The shadows weren’t as still anymore.

End Notes: so... any new theories on who's gonna be a zombie first, if any at all? also sorta sorry for the almost cliffhanger with this one lol, next one will have lots more gore :D

Next Chp.

NPT: @squad-724 @arctrooper69 @weyrwolfen @clownery-and-fuckery @charlieisannoying

@greyangelpain @zilvercrystal @travellingnorthwards @lifblogs @electrikworm

@buniby @thora-sniper @restrospect1003 @dizzy-9906

[jacenotjason]

Can we just get some rambles about your AU, like nothing specific, just like little details you haven’t had the ask or idea to express artistically? I just love any little details about this AU (Howdy’s little finger beans)

AAAAA oh my god YES here’s some rambles from the depth that is this AU! Random factoids and snippets and hehehheheh

(Oh hey and checkout the AU itself!)

Hiding this under a ‘readmore’ becasue FUCK I WENT ON A RANT HAUIDA- i tried to stop i swear

OPEN THE FLOOD GATES!!

I HAVE PLAYLISTS FOR ALL THE CHARACTERS!! Ive been thinking about how to share them for awhile bc I LOVE these playlists and they help my brain rot on this AU but mm! Just wanted to get that out there im holding onto these

Something people didn’t catch was that in this animation, which is supposed to take place around the time Eddie moved into the neighborhood, he had his mail hat! But, currently, he doesn’t! That’s not because he lost it, Howdy actually stole it! Howdy immediately attempted to scam Eddie when he first arrived, stealing his hat and trying to sell it back to him, but he did not know that Eddie would not give a fuck. Howdy thought Eddie cared way more about his job then he actually does. So, Eddie’s hat is still currently decaying under Howdy’s desk.

All the characters have trauma or something depressing about them… except Julie! I’m not sure why but I just.. never came up with something reasonable for her backstory. I came up with a lot of ideas, but a lot of them seemed to cliche and controversial? Like, one of my ideas was some sort of sex working trauma, but I thought oooh of course you gave the most feminine character the sex working backstory! Another idea was eating disorder trauma, but again, ooh i gave the fem one the ED! The same thing happened with SA trauma, it all just felt so… cliche. And I felt like I would get a lot of backlash if I tried to implement this. So.. im still working on it!

^ originally Franks backstory was going to be completely SA related, but I changed that. Still not spoiling how, though.

^^ also I really liked the sex working idea! Because I think it would be interesting if thats how Eddie and her met. Not that Eddie bought sex from her, but that they like worked together and slowly became friends! Eddie kept her safe n stuff, beat the shit out of ppl that didnt pay yknow? Explored a deeper level of understanding between them

Ive been daydreaming about attempting to make my own little bootleg “play fellow exhibition” not nearly to the extent that Clown did, but just some sort of fake “restored” things! Maybe even fake interviews with those that remember the show! Ive even recorded some lines, of my own voice, of fake voice clips restored from the show. I haven’t had the confidence to post any of them just yet aa. I think my Eddie impression is IMPECCABLE though. Maybe bc I have a southern accent

^ also if this isnt obvious this AU is still a show being restored by a team, the show is just the adult parody ive created here. Ill be sure to specify if i ever post something restoration-lore-related!

The number of fingers they have is inconsistent, and that is not lore related! I am just an idiot! You might notice that sometimes they have 5, sometimes they have 4. I.. have no actual reason for this. I literally just.. forget! Im literally currently drawing a piece with Julie and Sally where they both have 5 fingers. Why?? Bc the reference I used was of two human girls so!! Just wanted to put it out there, that is not on purpose

I hide a lot of secrets in my art. Bc its fun. If you ever see something in my art thats a little too dark, feel free to up the brightness and see what you find. Does something sort of look like Morse code? Feel free to try it out! I’ll give you a hint, I have used both of these techniques to hide secrets in my art already. The Morse code one is really hard to find, though, so props to you if you find it!

I like to think that the AU’s show is like Rick and Morty. It started out this comedic, very clearly adult-humored show, but slowly the characters had lore! People started watching not for the humor but for the interesting characters. Like when Rick was revealed to have a depressing story with his wife and all that, it was the same as when ppl first found out about Frank’s strange amnesia and PTSD. Like “?? Who put lore in my funny adult comedy??” Yknow what i mean

^ i like to think there was some mind-bending moment where it was revealed Frank doesnt remember anything about his childhood and everyone watching was like :O

Originally in the show, (like season one), the characters were the way they are to make fun of those things. Confusing, but what i mean is that Poppy was a trans woman to make fun of trans people, Eddie and Frank were to make jokes about gay ppl, etc. but SIKE once the show got more seasons and got lift off they became actual characters instead of just jokes! The creators just wanted to make ppl love the show before they made the gay characters actually have personalities, so they couldn’t get cancelled prematurely! HA SUCKERS!!

FFUck okay i think i got it all out of me?? Idk feel free to ask again in like a month maybe more shit will have accumulated in my brain

[vegalocity]

Ok but like the oblivion au-

They do get into heaven. Via Nezha. Like, LBD still happens, and the sumadi fire. Mk is kinda like, “Ok, so imma put brain washing everyone on hold.” And he meets Nezha when the time comes.

Months later, when shit goes down, he brings in Nezha via Wukong, and gets him under. Using a special track for celestials. And boom. Celestial realm is his.

.....

Ayo wtf are you spying on @unseelie-robynx and I's discord Dms or smth?

Ok but actually Nezha being involved is absolutely part of the whole thing as it goes. Admittedly- this whole thing DOES happen after LBD, the Oblivion series in its canon is post-LBD but pre-Bull Family officially calling it quits for now on the world domination thing (I mean ive always been of the mind that the quick turn around on the villains is to the show's detriment but granted how short a runtime it has they have to work with very little and i respect that)

But in the Bad end/Tyrant Prince timeline, Nezha does in fact get involved. Because- well... the Celestials aren't SO detached that they don't notice a city suddenly being ENTIRELY run by Sun Wukong's successor who's now running around calling himself a prince.

And since he has a history with Qi Xiaotian, Nezha is sent to investigate. By this point there aren't speakers lining the outside of the city streets just yet, fully pumping the air with a low level oblivion high to keep everyone placid and happy, but in most shops and public/government buildings it's being very softly played, so Nezha as he does his investigating isn't... really finding anything too odd. People seem to be going around just as normal.

And it's so... oddly tranquil... the kind of sensation that makes you just... want to not cause trouble for other people, just go about your day and be kind. (and the fact that that thought is so eloquent and dictated doesn't occur at this point) And Nezha is of course lured into such a state of 'well this is fine actually' that he doesn't see any real danger in approaching Xiaotian himself to check in.

Nezha leaves Xiaotian's new home, some old abandoned estate that he was in the middle of restoring with the help of Red Son and Long Xiaojiao, positive that this new direction the city was being taken in was for the best. In fact he was ready to immediately return to the celestial realm and leave a glowing report on the matter. Because Qi Xiaotian is truly a VERY well meaning person and he's so very aware of the issues that mortals face from his own humble beginnings so he can be trusted to look out for the people of the city.

He doesn't realize the thoughts in his head don't sound like his own internal voice until he's just beyond city limits, and the sun has set, when it was high in the sky when he had entered.

In the Tyrant Prince canon- he only notices this because it was a slip up in Xiaotian's messier Prince Days, he had forgotten to tell him to fully disregard and reason away anything like gaps in time and other such oddities. So when Nezha realizes he's missing SEVERAL hours that don't relate to the information he had- and trying to think about the particulars of the conversation he'd JUST been part of... the details become fuzzy like he's remembering something from thousands of years ago.

And it scares him.

He doesn't return to the celestial realm, he's afraid that in that missing time something was put in his head that would make him a danger-

So he just...doesn't go back. That thing you mentioned in the ask? That's like his biggest fear during all of this 'tyrant prince' stuff, that he might be used as a sleeper agent, a cataclysm that would give the child unprecedented control over the celestial realm.

He makes it to safety in canon- and in fact it's his testimony that shuts down the entire celestial realm into quarantine, nobody allowed in or out of the human realm.

and it also catches the ear of someone that might be able to do more than just watch with nervous eyes as to what may happen next. Someone with a personal stake in this as a dear friend is caught in this web.

Someone that may grow fed up with this sooner rather than later.

[xx-cringe-factory-xx]

Prince of Light and a bit prince of stagnancy

Im redoing the post thingy about MY classpect so heres prince of stagnancy and also a bit about my normal classpect (you can skip this if you want cause this is me specific and ill be speaking about my experience as a prince.)

--- princes destroy an aspect through an aspect or by destroying an aspect---

okay so sorry it's been a hot second since ive really posted on here. im exhausted so we're doing a personal post!!! even though I doubt yall are too interested in it.

so if were going by the combined classpecting, Id say i destroy light through destroying void. (basically its like confusing people via giving them too much info ig???)

I often catch myself kinda ruining my future. or like I cant really imagine myself having a real future. (Light sometimes has to do with destiny.)

uhm I cant really stand being focused on, but I also cant really imagine not having any form of attention on me.

funny thing, in the classpect brochure thing, they use Bojack Horseman as an example of the prospit prince of light (thats what I am) which I find a bit funny, but yeah. It's kinda accurate. I basically do anything for some kinda attention ,just to do a bunch of things that only get people to not really like me, or make fun of me. I dont usually think things through, and when I do what may be better for me, it doesnt take very long for me to give that up to make myself feel better.

I often wear things that draw attention towards me, like my fox ears, and my tail, mini skirts, thigh highs, all that stuff. but i feel trapped when I do get the attention it makes me uncomfortable. I'll cut myself for attention, but get stressed out when my friends or family point it out.

As for my prospitian stuff, I have an idea of when I view as good. I dont know exactly if I fit that critearia, and what I view as good may not even be what's really good. I think im doing something right.

powers uh. honestly just the obvious, stealing someones luck, litteral use of light or maybe temporarilly blinding someone, and

my land would be somehting like LOMAI (land of mirrors and ink) i think. for other princes of light, id think something that makes you come face to face with youre aspect, or something where you think it's not there, but it constantly comes back and haunts you.

Strife specibus might be something that requires close combat. i think something sharp, like maybe a exacto knife or a box cutter lmao. maybe something stolen or "borrowed"

[foxgloveinspace]

Hi, it’s come to my attention I should probably share my Sleep Token Fan Fics on this website, so here is an official post I’ll update and stuff.

I want to say, publicly here, I am Not shipping the band members. I am, shipping their stage personas, and do not want to even think of them off stage in that way (because shipping real people makes me uncomfortable). I have separated the characters and the people who play them so much that I forget I’m even writing about Sleep Token. Ok? Even if they are just playing up their own personalities, they are still putting on a show, and putting on characters.

That being said:

All my Sleep Token fics are in a series (so far). All you need to know is that it’s set in an au where they are not a band, just a cult and a polycule, and Sleep is a loving but mean dom. And it’s all an excuse to write smut about sub!Vessel. Cause I love content where he gets to be a #mess, and I remembered I can make it myself lol.

You need to be logged into your ao3 account to be able to read my fic, I locked them all a few years ago when people where copying fics to other websites with pay walls, and I left them locked. I’m glad I did cause there’s a lot of scams happening right now anyway. Make sure to also read all the tags on the fics! And I usually put trigger warnings in the beginning notes!

Give In Again and Let Me Lay (My Arms Belong Around You)

Tags:

Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Vessel/Sleep, background I/II/III/IV (polyvessels), Vessel (Sleep Token), Sleep (Sleep Token), IV (Sleep Token), II (Sleep Token), III (Sleep Token), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, but theres a tiny tiny bit of plot. Dom/sub,Orgasm Delay/Denial, Multiple Orgasms, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mentioned Tentacles (past), Bondage, Cis Vessel (Sleep Token), (sorry about that one), Witch-y Vessel, Non-Human Character, Non-Human Genitalia, (for Sleep), Do NOT copy to another website

Sleep only came to his room for two reasons, the first and most common, was when Sleep wanted Vessel to try some new magic or ritual, ones that would leave him tired enough that he might pass out immediately after. Those were usually his least favorite, the magic and energy draining from him left him feeling empty and hollow for weeks after, and the accomplishment of getting it right eventually was bittersweet, and not fulfilling. He felt useless as Sleep’s weapon in those moments, but he would do what was asked of him.

But the excitement in the way that Sleep had tugged at their link made Vessel shudder, and not in complete apprehension.

-

Vessel shuts himself in his room, working on a project. He doesn't realize how long it's been since he's left his room to do more than eat, and accidentally worries the others to the point that they get their god involved.

~

I am the Shadow, You’re the Passenger

Tags:

No Archive Warnings Apply, Vessel/II/III/IV, Vessel/iii, Vessel (Sleep Token), III (Sleep Token), II (Sleep Token), IV (Sleep Token), Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Porn with Feelings, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, (but so little it's blink and you'll miss it), Not a Band AU, Technically This Is A, Cult AU, Domestic Fluff, Trans II (Sleep Token), Trans III (Sleep Token), light body horror, Do NOT copy to another website

Vessel had felt III’s eyes on him since the beginning of The Punishment, as he had started referring to it in his mind. He had felt all of his other’s eyes on him since the beginning of the Punishment. It had only been a week or so, but it had been obvious with III, as if he hadn’t even been trying to hide it. And knowing III he wasn’t, Vessel would turn and catch his eye, as if III was waiting to catch him out. Vessel still flinched back every time, tried to stop it from happening and only made it worse.

It wasn’t like he was shy about it, as if he was completely insecure about what he had done for his god, it was just that he was unused to being so open, even to the other vessels. And a week without the mask wasn’t going to change that, he doubted even the month would.

-

Vessel can't sleep, III helps. In the process, III finds out Vessel thinks none of his others like his eyes.

~

Something You Say or Something You Do (A Taste of the Divine)

Tags:

Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Free Use Vessel, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Penis In Vagina Sex, Overstimulation, Multiple Orgasms, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Magic, Cult AU, No band AU, Vessel has a magic vagina in this one (just... read it I guess), Trans II, Trans III, Cis IV, Cis Vessel, yes I know., Dom/sub, Dom II, Dom IV, Switch III, Sub Vessel, Dom Sleep, (but Sleep is not here for this one), Cunnilingus, Long Shot, Vibrators, light body horror

He blinked at the ceiling as Sleep chuckled in his mind, and then Sleep spoke,

“Good morning, my vessels.”

Vessel felt the stirrings from the other bonds, the others greeting their god, and he pushed back on Sleep, a good morning of his own, without words.

“I will not be able to be there today for worship as discussed, I will be around within the next 86 hours,” He felt amusement from the others and himself at the use of specific hours from their god, used to it by now but still so endearing, “but because of this I decided that One shall be yours for the day.”

-

Or, Vessel wakes up on a morning of worship, only to find out their god has made some changes to him in the night. Oh, and Sleep cannot come that day, so he's giving the Others a treat. Vessel.

~

Take a Bite (of Me)

Tags:

No Archive Warnings Apply, Sleep/Vessel (Sleep Token), Background Polyvessels, Background II/III/IV/Sleep/Vessel, Sleep (Sleep Token), Vessel (Sleep Token), Biting, Oral, Light Dom/sub, PWP, Blow Jobs, Non-Human Genitalia, so much cum (idk how else to tag this and nothing is coming up oof), Soft Sleep (Sleep Token), Soft Vessel (Sleep Token), Still a little fucky wucky tho? At least to me, Do NOT Copy To Another Webiste

He was home alone, the lights were low, so there was only the lamp behind him where he was sitting on the couch, casting a warm glow over him and his book.

He was home alone, until he felt the crackle in the air, the shift in the pressure, the feeling of his god materializing in the portal that was, for all purposes an empty room they called his, the door of which when opened by Sleep would be the gateway to his world, the world of gods. Vessel only felt the change when he was in the living room or kitchen in a clear open space with the door, but he was glad for it this time, marking his page by dog earring it, and tossing it on the coffee table, as he felt Sleep come up to the back of the couch and loom over him, casting shadow in the golden glow.

-

Or; Sleep is in a softer mood, and decides to indulge in Vessel's love of his mouth, covering him in hickies.

~

All Your Darkest Impulses

Tags:

No Archive Warnings Apply, IV/Sleep (Sleep Token), IV/Sleep/Vessel (Sleep Token), Background Polyvessels, Vessel (Sleep Token), IV (Sleep Token), Sleep (Sleep Token), PWP, Dom/sub, Bottom IV, Sub IV, Top Sleep, Dom Sleep, Mildly Dubious Consent, Voyeurism, Overstimulation, Non-Human Genitalia, (for Sleep), Vessel POV, Coming In Pants, (For Vessel UwU), Punishment, worship kink, (thats not a tag??), Do NOT copy to another website

Sleep sighed, and stretched his arms wide, in his humanoid form again, and Vessel was starting to associate the form with worship with his god. He turned and leaned back on the counter, watching as Sleep walked into the room, and Sleep’s eyes caught his, but they didn’t hold his attention long, his eyes wondering almost lazily to IV, who was still sitting at the table though his back was ramrod straight, and his hands were in his lap. Vessel could see the way they were clenching and unclenching.

Sleep’s eyes didn’t leave IV, and then there was a soft glow that seemed to be coming from behind them, and IV’s head tilted down. Sleep nodded once to himself, and stepped forward to him, holding out his hand to IV, and hesitantly IV placed his hand in Sleeps. He was tugged up to his feet, and then they were starting to walk away.

-

Sleep decides it's time to punish IV for the stunt he pulled when Sleep couldn't be there to watch Vessel between II and III. Vessel gets to watch.

~

Let Me Wrap the Chain

Tags:

No Archive Warnings Apply, Sleep/Vessel (Sleep Token), II/III/IV/Sleep/Vessel (Sleep Token), II/III/IV/Vessel (Sleep Token), Vessel (Sleep Token), Sleep (Sleep Token), II (Sleep Token), III (Sleep Token), IV (Sleep Token), PWP, Tentacles, Tentacle Sex, Mildly Dubious Consent, Non-Human Genitalia, technically, Non-Human Character, Tentacle Monster Sleep, Overstimulation, Do NOT copy to another website

Sleep was floating in the middle of their living room when they walked in the door, his from his second favorite, a mass of wriggling tentacles that had no business being inside such a small apartment, but it was, and it had been before, had been in his room before as impossible as it felt, with his little glances to Sleep now; blocking the lights and casting long shadows over the walls.

-

It's tentacle smut guys, idk what else to say lol.

Important Authors Note in the notes of this fic.

[nitazenes]

even if things “aren’t as they seem”

they should be treated with the same level of seriousness

and how is he supposed to be the one to judge when he doesn’t want to get to know how your system functions?

when we told our therapist we have DID the first thing she’s done was get to learn about us and how we function

how can he help when he’s so disinterested? it’s so strange and honestly a bit creepy

well like (tw ramcoa and programming mentions below, also brief animal death mention)

you in no way have to read everything ive said below bc i really went on a rant here but tl;dr you're totally right. Even if it was something else, it still clearly effects me and i need treatment for it. Honestly youre not the first one to call him a creep --- rant starts here --- Not to expose too much but I have spoken to a fellow RAMCOA survivor and i dont really know anything re: programming and the point of it or how it even works

But i sat down and verbatim, almost word for word recited two different things that had happened to us that were *textbook* RAMCOA. The fact I parroted what happened to me without even knowing programming terms and definitions just, takes away all skepticism i have. And the fact that a survivor and I experienced ALMOST the exact same programming, literally just going back and forth about what happened. There's no fucking WAY i just made that up.

I avoid reading stuff about programming bc my own targets therapeutic language, if I start reading about it, very quickly we begin to spin, get motion sick, scatter, or rapid switch.

And true. even if it wasnt what it seemed (which it def was RAMCOA) but lets just say its not what it seemed, it still seems very real to me, and effects me severely. That means it's still a problem that should be addressed the same way you would address any RAMCOA survivor.

The fact he wont listen means he's not going to catch on if i start recycling or having a coded trigger be set off. I even had a programmed response to him once already where a program triggered from some hand gesture he made and I was completely out-- but it had me on my knees in front of my therapist trying to get his belt off. Thankfully in that situation he actually responded appropriately and backed up, helped me up and walked me back to my chair and said "You dont have to do that for me to help you" thats the ONE TIME ive gotten the care I want out of him. that was 8 years ago. i have displayed my programming directly in his face. Many times at this point. and at the time i didnt even know why i did that and i was so ashamed and embarrassed and crying and he was just like. "it's ok"

he shows no interest in learning who my alters are, what they do, what jobs they perform, my system map (very complex and layered with different subsystems) this dude has to know i am programmed like i said in some post somewhere, i killed a rattle snake BY MYSELF at 8 years old bc it was threatening our chickens, in fact i was so confident that i didnt even have snake boots on (boots that snake bites cannot penetrate) we lived in rattle snake central and yet as an 8 year old i drove a shovel into that snake and killed it.

i dont think people realize how young that is to be killing an animal, for ANY reason. had my parents any care for me, they would have made sure I had my boots on, and they would have monitored me while in the backyard, i killed the snake and had to go get my dad on the other side of the house that a snake was going after the chickens but i dealt with it and the most he said was "good job, wear your boots next time"

like ik rn im trauma dumping on this post but even if things weren't what they seemed, why do i have a scar with two dots visible from having a stun gun jammed into my ribs as a kid, That scar didnt come from nowhere. I might not have known what it was but i took my own stun gun (it was similar to the one id been attacked with) and the prongs line up exactly with the dots. At this point, esp given that i remembered the institution i went to, i just want someone to wholly believe me.

If i said one day

"it was all a lie. i made it up. im not mentally ill, ive just lived the life of someone with a disorder i dont have"

my family would take that as gospel. they would much rather believe that i lied my whole fucking life, than me calling out the fact that I was surrounded by evangelicals and fundamentalist christians most of my childhood who were weird and malicious towards me.

i finally opened up to my therapist about my fear of surveillance last week, that these days, anytime youre outside youre on some camera. and im afraid of audio bugs. So much that i carry a device that causes horrid feedback to whoever is listening on the other end of a radio, its like a signal jammer. he goes "What makes you think youre so unique that the government or whomever is watching you"

and i finally just shut off and said "i cant tell you" its more damaging for me to go into these therapy sessions feeling like i need to convince my therapist that this was real.

He may have shown interest in my system rediscovery for about the first year i saw him. after that he doesnt even ask how my alters are doing, always expects it to be me (Rey) at the front at all times and he doesnt even know how my system functions, i dont even think he knows theres a hierarchy in my system-- so how can he help me if he doesnt care or know what i am truly dealing with.

His mind is still in the 70's when MPD was a thing.

I can't even talk to him about my sexuality or gender

ive never had someone to talk to about how I feel gender-wise (i used to identify as male, but now identify as Agender bc really, i dont fit in with most binary terms) he calls me she/her and i can forgive an old man for not using they/them/xe/xem pronouns for us but like. I also used to define myself as asexual but realized im more bi/pan than i thought and im not repulsed anymore. Mostly. but the most he said was "how does it feel to admit youre not asexual" i explained how it was new to me. that was the end of the subject.

What about the fact that i have cis, trans, and intersex alters all over the board? how do i help them with their dysphoria? I dunno!!

my aunt has been paying out of pocket for the past 8 years for his treatment where i feel like after 3 years, he'd gotten tired of me. Lost interest. most of his clients are older than me and they seem to have great relationships with him. I guess old people just get along with fellow old people.

[floorpancakes]

can you post what all the results to the quiz are & what charas they have? im just curious to see the answers to what i didn't get!

ok so ill probably add to this slowly but time for some stats and answers and stuff! obviously dont check this out if you dont wanna be spoiled (thread)

first, here's the actual amounts of each results people have been getting:

when i say i had NO IDEA we'd get so many chuunis....watching the numbers go up the first few days felt like a fever dream haha

but its comforting to know that everyone is cringe and free! i for one welcome our new gothy overlords!

i was also really surprised that gimmick idols got some of the lowest scores 😭 the space that spans is so wide so i was expecting way more people to get that result since i figured it'd catch a lot of people, but i guess you guys are rare!

---

now its time to look at the archetype list:

this was pretty tricky, especially cause i was working on the quiz for funsies at silly o clock in the morning for two nights while i was dealing with some sickness induced exhaustion lol. i wanted to include more (a few like the princely type nearly made the cut), but I found there was

1. a lot of crossover between archetypes (this even happened with some of the idols i chose for the results image!!! hanayo being average idoltwt user AND a harapeko type or minori being average idoltwt user AND fake it til you make it for example)

2. some archetypes that were only based on visuals or not on personality at all

3. kind of lowkey paradoxical (eg. someone might really fit the princely type, but often in idol shows they make it so that trait is pushed on them, but they secretly wanted to be feminine all along, which like, ok but then if someone actually fits the princely vibe I'd be slightly struggling for examples and we'd get all tied in knots unfortunately)

4. the amount of answers was already getting so long that if i added any more it'd start getting difficult to come up with more answers for some of the more concrete questions (like what you'd do post graduation etc)

...so I had to kind of draw the line somewhere. especially cause i thought like 3 of my idoltwt mutuals would take it and that's it 😭 maybe I'll make a part 2 or a more extensive quiz later who knows (guess who just remembered the 'rock is life' type idols and screamed into a pillow for only just remembering...)

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so the idol archetype categories themselves are DEFINITELY things I've picked up on in multiple series, altho they may require a lil bit of explaining so I'll quickly summarise each one when we go thru the characters. i should probably mention that some of these (like the chuunibyou) are word for word archetypes that people use all the time, while some were just me trying to put words to the character types so the wording was just a descriptor (fake it til you make it queen), altho i hope they were useful! ive seen a few people online using these terms after taking the quiz which is super cute...🙇 let's take a look at these categories shall we?

(note: i have varying levels of familiarity w these characters, i wanted to make it reasonably varied and recognisable but some of them i kind of just knew what category they fit and that's it)

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THE CHUUNIBYOU

to those who don't know, the chuunibyou is a pretty popular archetype beyond just idols, and tends to refer to people who are stuck in or going through their 'edgy phase'; chuu-ni being short for second year of middle school syndrome (think like, 13 or 14 year olds), but the general vibe tends to be associated with emo or goth phases, claiming to have an evil eye, being or being a servant of Satan, hiding a secret shy or self conscious side with edge, yaknow. average tween behaviour. it's not limited by age tho especially in anime media! one of the examples i used is a 26 year old grown man with a job. never too late!

Like with a lot of the other categories it was really hard to narrow down the results page characters, but from left to right:

1. Todo Yurika from Aikatsu!

Yurika takes being a lifestyle lolita to the next level, being a gothic lolita and punk idol with the chuuni character of a vicious vampire, which she desperately tries to keep up as part of her career, only letting people see her quiet nerdy self once in a blue moon. She has a secret soft spot for garlic ramen and sings some of the best songs in the entire series (which is an achievement cause aikatsus songs are god tier).

music rec (won't do this for everyone, only ones i know well, but pls feel free to fill in the blanks in the comments/reblogs!): check out Glass Doll, Onegai Venus and Eternally Flickering Flame! She has two singing voices over the series, both of which are incredible.

2. Asselin BB II (Asselin Beelzebub the Second) from The Idolm@ster SideM!

Asselin is a genius chef in his mid-twenties that ended up on the streets being kicked from countless jobs because of his ....quirks. He's a chuuni through and through, and its something a lot of the people around him didn't know how to handle, but when he gets taken in by Cafe Parade (both an idol group AND a real life dining establishment) to be their chef, he finally finds a place where he belongs. He's goofy and crazy while simultaneously being an introverted and nervous personality, and claims to be a servant of Satan, which just happens to be an adorable plushie that he carries around for comfort and finds difficult to be without, who gets painstakingly dressed up in matching outfits whenever he's included in a card! Don't be fooled by his softness though, this servant of satan has PIPES. You may recognise his voice, as he's played by well-known seiyuu Furukawa Makoto.

music rec: check out Waga Konton no Sabbath Marriage to immediately ascend, or Reversed Masquerade for a taste of the full CafePa experience.

3. Tsushima Yohane from Love Live Sunshine!!

Probably the most famous on the list so I'll keep it brief! She's been at this chuuni business since she was a little girl, so she encountered a lot of loneliness before joining Aqours, but she's got a cute and clumsy personality and has a tendency to yell about being a fallen angel. She's an absolute sweetheart, despite claiming that she's angered God himself, and is always there at the scene to deliver an edgy pose or stunning vocals.

music rec: check out Kowareyasuki and Strawberry Trapper for peak Yohane vocals, honestly Guilty Kiss in general should be mandatory listening homework

[keen-umbreon]

y’all I’m at the center now, it’s 12 lunch, happy valentines day to me, instead of chocolates from my family this year ive got a weird leafeon and weird as hell shit and i might be under arrest

Enigma heard a noise at 10pm last night. there was Leafeon outside my yard covered in burns and some sort of chemical goop that smells like berries and meats and keeps changing colors so much that I couldn’t even tell what color it is.

i had to get enigma to hypnosis it so I could wipe whatever was on it off and into a glass jar so I could take it to nurse joy. put the goop into the glass jar so she can run chemical analysis.

Taking a picture of it made everything else show up as black, I think it’s not something normal at all. The jar doesn’t look real anymore.

my hands are still tingley I should have used gloves who knows what that stuff was at least I washed my hands off

He kept using Giga Drain every time Nurse Joy tried to heal him so she ran me through the steps. He atleast let me touch him while he snarled at me the entire time. He’s stabilized and sedated right now. I’ve got him wrapped up in my coat and scarf on my chest. We took blood samples, fur samples, and leaf samples. She also scanned for a chip and ID registry.

His infinity energy signature, before he was medically stabilized, was wild and fluctuating. Grass then nothing then everything then grass. His body is covered in chemical and fire burns. Because of the Center, they should be fully healed and unnoticeable in a week. Nurse Joy said that the goop that I scrapped off him seems to be almost like a Ditto but caustic, mutagenic. Because when her pathologist tested it on a tissue sample, some parts of it rapidly changed and others withered. My hands still tingle. He isn’t owned by anyone, no chip, no ID. I think he was a runaway from an illegal lab.

nurse Joy called interpol about this whole thing, talking to the Interpol officer gave me flashbacks, and they want to run some tests on me and the Leafeon to make sure that goop didn’t make either of us sick or something. I feel a lot calmer than I should about this. Might be a side effect.

Enigma sniffed at him and then levitated a revival herb chamomile lum berry and sitrus berry tea satchel from my go-bag over to me. I think all three of us are going to need it, me especially when I stop being unnaturally calm. Figy’s at least over with Jade at my moms house now.

I may as well give him a name. Lum works. He’ll be called Lum. I am sitting in a reclining chair in a private room in the Center. Lum is still snuggled up to my chest, and Enigma is sitting on top of the chair.

We’re being held by Interpol now. My parole officer is stopping by first to talk to me. Interpol said I’m allowed my phone and subtly encouraged me to post. I know it’s wiretapped, and bugged in literally every way, it’s been like that since I was first caught. I am poor bait for whatever they want to catch now.

[celestialmancer]

Mm.

Therapy has been. Interesting.

Bit more of a sensitive discussion so def tbd but yeah ;; (‘s not meant to be negative but like. Considering content well)

Been ruminating a bit, I guess, on something that we talked about, & its in particular this whole… element of just…

I guess at some point my therapist was talking to me about what I would do if I were to ever cross paths with M again, because I did acknowledge openly to her that I do in some way always have that sort of fear in the back of my head of his return—which, yeah, it is irrational considering its been 11+ years now since all that shit went down but… I mean, its part of why every now & then I admittedly will look back on the fucking twitter accounts that he used to have that are now. Well, dead & everything that was on em (which wasn’t much to begin with aside from… things I don’t wanna say on this blog) being wiped. Save for one indirect rt that was meant to be in ref to me that still makes my skin crawl to see, ig.

…& Well… I p much just told her straight up that I wouldn’t even let him talk to me. & Even if I did, the only thing that would happen is pure vitriol, pure unrestrained violence, I guess. Verbal I suppose since no way we’d cross paths irl, & hope to the heavens above it forever remains that way that there’s no way of reaching me irl… unlike how he almost did all those years ago? Yeah. I guess there’s an acknowledgment that beneath all the hurt there’s this INTENSE fury, anger, & I guess wish I could have fought back better or something. I don’t know.

Granted, there’s another sort of reaction i feel i would have if i crossed paths w him again but like—its. More. Morbid.

…& We also. Got into talk about the possibility of me potentially going out of my way to get ig some sort of assistance legally or w/e, to see if by any chance, he ever did happen to… post… things that I don’t wanna really say bc tw content (though, if you catch on to what i might be avoiding directly stating, well… ) but, yeah. & i’ve just been I guess mulling on that, dwelling on it.

…But realistically I think I’m better off not knowing. What he did with what he had of me before I got away. I’d rather not. Know. What corner of the internet that stuff was posted, I don’t think I’d be able to be fine if I ever did find out. Sure, it eats at me tot hink that that’s out there, because I know he’s the type to have gone forward with it & just it being without my awareness once I severed that line… but what can you do right?

Idk. Probably strange to say but i guess i find more closure in just… accepting that it probs is out there, not looking for it, & instead moving forward & healing what I can after all that. ‘S what I’ve tried doing & still am doing to this day, now that I excavated those memories & have to work through them after a literal decade of running from it all, but… I guess, at least, its getting easier in a way to talk about despite the hurt? Idk.

We still have more sessions to go surrounding the topic of M, & more graphic stuff to cover bc we still are only scratching the surface of the… more disgusting details of all that, & I know none of these upcoming sessions are going to be easy. It’s been really taxing mentally & ik im still kinda outta it from yesterday’s session esp bc at the start of it it was hard to tap into that headspace of revisiting all that, but—gotta keep it pushing I suppose.

We’ll… get through this.

& I guess amidst this, working on stuff certain characters in writing (esp a certain one whose based in my own trauma in a way) has also been a means of ig finding catharsis. Having em meet their own downfalls or w/e or having ppl rally against em or so on while also them liking my writing/expressing support w my writing & such has helped? With sort of revisiting this all… Which honestly holds a lot of personal weight to me that ive been met w that rather than being shunned over the exploration of this shit so, yeah…

[talenlee]

Decemberween 2023 — Nixie IV

Hey, you know Nixie right? I talk about her about once a year, it seems. You know, the one who likes planes. The one who likes guns. The one who watches anime and recommends I check some out. The one who contributed to my Air America article, the one who contributed to the Nicolas Cage Month Con Air article, and the one who has gotten an article multiple Decemberweens in a row now.

It’s not just because I get to use pictures from Ascendance of a Bookworm because they remind me of her.

Anyway, this year, Nixie went to China and became a pirate.

It’s been a year of the social media collapse. Twitter, the place where Nixie and I first found each other, has gone from being a sort of expected ongoing failure everyone participated in to a website that literally pays Nazis for pissing people off, and I was one of those lucky enough to be in a position to easily rip off that particular bandage and extract myself from the place. As far as I know, Nixie hasn’t.

I don’t know.

Nixie has two frontends for making things on the internet, as far as I understand it. She produces stuff on Patreon, and she makes long, long, long threads on twitter. Archiving that twitter is itself a fundamentally challenge thing because like, it’s a thing that needs a specific skill to derive it and another skill to know how to store it for access. And even then you’re not going to rely on people paying attention to what you’re saying, right? The thing Twitter had going for it was that it was a subscription service to Me that everyone could run, which meant that while you may be mixing up a potpourri of whatever immediate concerns or interests you had, the whole space was still a place you could put stuff and that stuff was in a place where other people willingly and openly checked on the regular.

Losing that is a real problem, and it means that I can’t readily point you to just ‘hey, here’s what Nixie’s been up to this year.’ I don’t have it in me to put that all together and I do run a blog where I can put together a bunch of information. Hell, you’re four hundred odd words into this post and it’s just all about how as awful as it is to admit it, I owe Twitter for introducing me to Nixie, and even if I don’t need it to talk to her now, I know that its loss creates a void for Nixie and it’s one she hasn’t yet done anything to address.

I can’t fix that.

I can’t apologise for that, either. I don’t feel bad about using Twitter when I did because, like, it got Nixie into my life and Nixie is a wonderful delight. Even though I know before the point where Twitter sucked complete shit, it still sucked pretty bad and was responsible for a lot of bad things. None of those things are in my grasp.

So I’m just gunna tell you a story.

I’m at the bus stop. It’s a grocery day. I’ve mapped my time properly, but it’s the weekend for me, a Saturday morning. DST hasn’t kicked in yet here or there. I know I’m shaving times a little here. I had to check a few more stores than I normally would and that was frustrating. I mean, it’s the bus, I know the bus is going to happen on its own timing, and this being a weekend, it might be a little late. But that little bit late can create elasticity; there are just fewer buses on the weekend, and that means if something holds one up a bit, then it might take ages for it to catch up.

I could walk home.

It’s not that far.

But if I start on walking home, and I’m not right about that, and this trolley slows me down then I’m going to make the wrong choice and how much am I overly worried about what I’m doing? Why am I so worried about this?

Because I don’t want to miss her recital.

Nixie is getting ready to perform, in a choir, in front of dozens of people. It’s not her first. It’s not going to be her last – at this point, Nixie and I know full well that she wants to do more of this. She loves the recitals, she loves choir, even considering the complications and the challenges getting to go.

And so.

The bus arrives.

I get home in time.

I start the livestream so I can watch my friend performing with her choir, songs I don’t know from cultures I don’t understand and expressing ideas I can’t tell. I have to set up software to record the video, so I can capture her moments. I watch her file into place, I look for her in the big crowd of people, and zoom in and realise what I’m doing. Like, I didn’t grow up in a place with recitals per se. There were one of two but they were like the really privileged kids of architects or something like that in the church. They’d set up basically a unique event for their kid who’d play some piano and we’d all clap and I have no idea why I was there. But that was also the family that could afford a camcorder, and where I could see someone proud of someone they loved, reaching out and trying to make sure that they were there for this moment, they were there to encode and preserve this memory.

Nixie has spent this year learning Chinese, getting another name (ask her about her Chinese name, it’s sick as hell), and learning to sail. She has escaped the internet we know to Touch Grass, and in so doing she has learned more, seen more, and embraced more. She told me about how great the food was in China, about how the exercise excited her, and about how the Great Wall smells. I am not there but I am present, because Nixie has taken her memories, and her stories, and spread them before me to share.

I couldn’t be more proud of her and I want to be there to help encode more and more of those memories.

Sigh. SIGH. GRUMBLE even. Hey, I wrote about how it’s hard to link Nixie’s work? Well, she did that after I wrote this article so here’s a link and anything else that makes no sense in the above is because of that.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!