#i might expand on this when im a little more coherent

[butch-nightwing]

Red Robin #15

one of THE panels of all time and also so so so interesting to look, considering how often the fandom wants to hyphenate his name, or make him seem like he's a wayne. he literally says himself that when he looks in the mirror he sees a drake. he only uses the wayne last name to get something he wants, it is nothing more than a tool to him. god.

[chayannecraft]

hey the last drawing will probably be uploaded tomorrow!! i know you'll understand but i've been very busy today :)

anyway i'm curious about if the other eggs have any sort of role in your au??

OH and if you want to talk abt what chayanne and phil's relationship is like, i've been very curious about that lol bc it seems like phil's both very protective of him and doesn't care about him that much. not saying you haven't thought it out i'm just eager to look more into his character!

Hello!! Yeah no I understand I’ve been super busy too. Finals season and everythang. It’s a curse. Oh my god. (Which is why im so late answering this ask hello omg!!!) But anyways yes hello oh my god questions!!!! 💖💖💖!!!!! YES!!! I WILL ANSWER

The other eggs have very loose roles but they do exist!! They sort of take up the space of the descendants-of-the-champions roles that Sidon and the others fill (although I’m not sure who is who at the moment, would have to think about that a little more!!) (I have no idea what role Tallulah plays, but I think she might be traveling around with Wilbur, more info on that later) but sometimes they’re also just like, normal random kids. They are all friends I promise. I don’t have a lot on them though so this is not that coherent.

CHAYANNE AND PHIL. WOUGH BOY. THIS IS A LONG ONE

You were right in that Phil is very protective of Chayanne!! I think a part of him knew Chayanne was The Chosen Hero, but when faced with the decision to send him off to what very well could have been his sons death, if not horrific trauma he was like um. No lol. Not doing that.

A consequence of the storyline in general is Phil isn’t very mentioned a lot, so it gives off the idea that he’s uncaring towards Chayanne, but I promise you that’s not the case!! (Not to make fun of you or call you out of course). Phil is actually very loving towards his son, and was devastated when he ran away with the Master Sword.

Then (for reasons I haven’t thought up yet) he’s pretty distracted but desperately trying to get his kid back. Until the calamity happens and they fail. Then he’s under the impression his son is just dead and he’s in mourning for the next 100 years (Why is he still alive in 100 years, you ask! Well! I took everything from these kids and I think taking their parents is a little bit too cruel so everybody is blessed by some sort of god that expands their lifespan a couple hundred ok :D!!!)

And then a little bit after botw someone goes to Philza and is like hey. The hero is back. He’s hanging out with Princess Pomme. He looks a lot like the missing hero from 100 years ago. Your son. Might be your son Phil. And Phil basically takes 3 seconds to process this before clawing himself up from his depression and being like OK. WE’RE GONNA GO GET HIM!!! AND IF ANYBODY TRIES TO STOP ME IM MAULING THEM. Of course he gets to hyrule RIGHT as totk plot starts and Chayanne goes missing so kind of an L BUT THEY DO REUNITE!!!

They get their moments. They also get a really tearful reunion where Chayanne is like dad im so sorry for running off oh my god :( I forgot you for a hundred years you must be so upset with me. And Philza is hugging him like oh my god my kid is ok. Oh my god. YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WHAT THE FUCK. And then just caries him around. And probably has some sort of beef with Missa because that’s Chayanne’s Hyrule-Dad. Meanwhile Pomme stands in the back ready to kill him if he makes one wrong move.

There’s a side story kind of sequel relating to that where Pomme and Chayanne have to grapple with the fact that Chay is also a prince and his dad misses him dearly and wants him to come home but they don’t want to be separated ever for the rest of their lives. Maybe even some parent bonding. Like a little family-person drama to contrast the cursed-destiny-supernatural-calamity drama and probably some Death Family Bonding.

[yonemurishiroku]

oooh now im intrigued… what part about percy’s character / actions did you not like? (in response to a previous ask you got)

i never really found anything that i disliked in percy but i did read the books a lot younger than i am now so i def didnt pick up on a lot of things

Hi isa! Before I say anything dumb, I just want you to know that I love you with everything in me and the fact that I left your ask in the mailbox for 7 months and a half does not negate that. I'm an awful terrible human being but my love is real. 🥺🥺

Ok. So. Obviously, I'm trying to justify myself here but like I've spent half a year marinating on this and seriously? this is really hard to tell. Not because I'm scared or anything, but more like I don't know how to word it the right way, and I fear I'd just dig myself a hole (ok, I'm scared).

If you're asking me, what part of Percy's character/actions I didn't like?, well the first and foremost would obviously be that time he strangled Nico. For the obvious reason.

Now, before anyone decides to come up to me with a Percy-defending speech, I'm NOT saying Percy's in the wrong (Well actually yes. They are BOTH wrong and they're BOTH justified - if you were to ask me, but that's another can of worms I don't want to open).

Percy did nothing wrong - no, he didn't - but I just so happen to love Nico di Angelo more than myself. And what Percy did that time displeased me - isa pls understand he hurt my blorbo 😭- of course I wouldn't think highly of him.

And that time Jason thought badly of Nico from hearing Percy's words.

And the fact that he's the reason Nico antagonized himself - which is TOTALLY NOT Percy's fault, I know - but I'm subjective.

(And that time in the birthday message board (wtf Percy?) - but that's new, so we'll just leave it there)

It's all there is about this, actually. The reason I dislike Percy is: I'm subjective, selfish, unreasonable, and hopelessly blinded when it comes to my love for the blorbos - in this case, Nico (and Luke, in some cases...). Did Percy do anything wrong? Debatable. But because Nico is my beloved son, so when it comes down to either Nico or Percy, I would always take Nico's side.

It's more like... a series of actions accumulated throughout the books that brought me to this point of prejudice, I guess... I've forgotten most of them, tbh, it's been a while, so I can hardly come up with specific details that spiked my disinterest. Just little things, I'm sure - but when all is said and done, he's the first character I just know I might as well stay away should I want to preserve my interest in the books themselves.

I'm sorry if this answer doesn't satisfy you, but this is all the coherent thoughts I can form about this... 😭

Another main reason why I can't bring myself to love Percy is, well technically not even his fault.

I don't like his perfection.

No, Percy isn't perfect. I'm talking about how Rick and the fandom tend to... perfect him?

As in: he's too OP. He's the protagonist, of course he's OP. And that's why I usually don't like protagonists. They're too perfect. Everything they do is right. They're praised and loved. Their sufferings were rewarded by glory and adoration. The fandom worships them. They are the best just because they happen to be in the spotlight.

It's like... a cage to me, I think? I prefer the conflictions, the paradox in which I'm free to expand my thoughts in various ways (again, Luke. and Octavian and Jason, for that matter). Percy is too much of a protagonist for me.

Besides, the fandom already loves Percy enough as it is, there's no harm if I don't, right? Is it jealousy? I honestly don't know. I just feel like I should be able to dislike someone just because I feel like it. I'm a creature of love and spite. I can hate just as easily as I love. It's not his fault, still there's no difference.

(Just in case you're wondering, But you do ship Percico? Yes, in fact, I don't hate the ship that much LOL. Pls don't ask why bc I don't know either... There're many times I enjoy Percy's humor, too!! And frankly? I don't know how you can categorize this, but the fact that I have a bunch of Break-Up fics planning to write and none of them is happy should say a lot about my taste for Percico in particular...)

That is to say, I try my best to be respectful when it comes to public fandom space. You would hardly see me badmouth Percy - or any character for that matter - because I tend to stay away from those for whom my tolerance is low. I'd hate it if I have to stir the pot, since I know there're people who love Percy more than themselves, too. There's no need to spoil others' fun.

Please, do understand that I'm NOT saying this to fault you for loving Percy. I'm saying this because I'm selfish, and my selfishness should only be mine to deal with, and that's absolutely NOT your fault nor Percy's fault for being disliked by someone petty like me.

With all due respect, cherish him. Love him the way I have come to love Nico. Because at the end of the day, they're not even real. We're all free to love and free to hate. Let us enjoy what we like best.

(and I'd always love you dear!!!)

[greenorangevioletgrass]

OKAY SO when i said my thoughts around carmy and bradley werent coherent at all I meant that quite literally 😭 i havent thought about it in detail aside from the rough idea BUT if i have to expand on it i’d say it could be something along the lines of denim through the decades? or taking into account what you said about james dean/marlo brando i think it would be fun to see a campaign centered around iconic moments of denim in pop culture too. Maybe recreating some movie sets and outfits and such. 

BUT im also thinking something a lot more chill bc ik recreating movie sets n stuff can be 1) a hassle and 2) a lil cheesy, so considering that the people involved in the campaign would be people with an interest in vintage denim n such i was thinking about  levis incorporating some vintage pieces from personal collections. Picture one of the countless denims carmy stores inside his oven (sob) or one of bradley’s staples too. Mix that with a limited edition line of ‘brought from the past’ jeans, jackets, etc. and i think itd be golden. 

By no means am I a denim expert, I’m talking out of my ass here after a few minutes of research LMFAO but its fun to think about it.

I’m sure carmy would be WAYYY more hesitant to participate than bradley. The latter is probably ecstatic and doesnt let his manager (im guessing levis would be in contact with his manager) finish. As soon as the words levis and collab leave his mouth, Bradley's sold. 

I think carmy would be interested in working with levis, a little flattered that they considered him. Maybe taken aback too bc im guessing he’s a very private person and doesnt talk much about his denim collection and such so levi’s def did their research lol. Still, i think he was going to turn them down and then Sugar and Syd found out and tried to convince him bc ‘its levis, u gotta say yes’ but it didnt exactly work and in the end it was Richie who replied to the email with something along the lines ‘id be honoured to be a part of the campaign’ or smth weird in his attempt to impersonate carmen.

With the two of them on set, i quite frankly don’t know if they would interact or how that interaction would go. Think carmy might be too nervous to properly interact bc its a hectic environment. Maybe bradley saw him all closed up and semi alone and decided to strike a conversation with him, talking about denim and such. What do you think?

BTW im so sorry about the typos i keep making, i only notice after you respond LMFAO i swear my english is good, promise.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!!! thank you so much for indulging me 😭😭 and no worries, i feel like we’re speaking in a language beyond english where we’re just throwing concepts at each other and we actually understand it. it’s beautiful.

i totally get it that recreating movie sets is a lot. what they can do is recreate looks inspired by these iconic movies (like james dean in rebel without a cause—carmy would look great in that!) they can do a studio shoot or an outdoor city shoot like JAW’s CK campaign (still not over that btw skshsjdhsj)

ok hear me out: carmy is reserved in his private life but i feel like deep down he likes being the golden boy. remember his monologue abt smoking ppl out wherever he works? and just the way he steps up to lead and plays up to people who wanna hear what he wants to say. i feel like with the restaurant on the rise, he’s bound to have done some interviews, and on one of them he went on a hyperfixation-fueled tangent abt vintage denim like the first episode.

and you’re so right, it still would take him a lot of nudging and jostling to say yes. i loooove the idea of richie very eloquently replying to the email and making carmy sound very eager and cordial 🤭 (i imagine he would be a very short emailer/texter if he ever does reply)

with carmy, i feel like it’s not so much that he dislikes hectic environments (how much more hectic can his kitchen get, right?) but it’s the kind of hectic that he can’t control. and it drives him nuts, and he’d take smoke breaks often and eventually, bradley goes with him although he doesn’t smoke. he’d say that he has been to noma a few times and he enjoyed it and they bonded over restaurants and food and all. he’d love to visit the bear some time, to which carmy is like “of course let me know anytime you’re in town”

(Bradley thinks carmy is one of the coolest people he’s ever met. Carmy thinks for someone who’s that famous, Bradley is super chill.)

[theinyshlobster]

camp zero by michelle min sterling [review]

read from july 27th - august 2nd

review

first and foremost — YO I JUST MET MY 2024 READING GOAL! 60TH BOOK OF 2024 WHO CHEERED!

anyways i need to be real. this book was really confusing for my tiny little pea brain. i will admit i think i might have liked this story a bit more if i had read it at a different time. like im so serious i have no critical thinking right now. changing to a new antidepressant coupled with a cold? yeah i have about zero reading comprehension at the moment so take everything i say critiquing this book with a grain of salt. hell i might come back to this book in 6 months and give it an extra star cuz i did really enjoy this book at times! but idk i don’t think i can give this 4-stars when i was confused for a good chunk of the book 💀

most of my confusion i think comes from what the character’s motivations are and why they’re doing xyz. rose, judith, the barber, the foreman, garreth & merley or whatever the fuck his name was, none of their motivations made logical sense to me. yet again i am not one to talk about logic when i am literally noncoherent in daily conversations & my memory is of a goldfish. like gun to my head i cant figure out what the M guy’s actual goal was, or damien/damian (i’m gonna go with the ‘a’ spelling & if im wrong sue me). i am still confused by that.

i am also confused about the time period this takes place in, as well as the actual setting. yeah i know its in canada and its snowy and shit. but like do the girls live in a mall? where is gareth living? what even was the camp supposed to be?

the ending was lowkey kinda fire, i did not see those reveals coming (but tbh you could’ve given me a mystery novel where the killer literally confessed on the first page & i still would’ve been blindsided at the moment). i really loved the white alice chapters and as things slowly started to make more sense i was having the time of my life. but when those reveals only come with 20% of the book left….. i mean like i said i cant 4-star it.

the characters themselves were….. fine. rose was likeable most of the time. i really couldn’t work out her motivations or her true thoughts by the end. willow was also fine. judith was meh. the other blooms were literally non-characters. garreth was insufferable. the rest of the male characters were fine. i still don’t really get the barber’s motivations by the end regarding him & rose but 🤷 im not mad at it. same applies to M-guy what the fuck was he trying to do at the end. numbskull

the plot was… Ok! the actual story felt like it was going nowhere, but like i said i absolutely loved the white alice chapters. give me an entire book expanding on those chapters & im sold. those chapters kinda remind me of ‘i who have never known men’ and i adored that book so!

the preachy messages about the patriarchy and men sucking got tiring at times. yes i know men suck. they are opportunists and shallow and see women as objects and blah blah blah. sorry you’ve said your message to me, now do something with it. i mean the book kind of did at the end with white alice & rose but… idk more should’ve been done with that. i really liked the grimy vibe of this book. idk what more to say about that it had a real edgy vibe that i liked.

i have a feeling this review is all over the place (when are my reviews not) but anyways. i had a good time. i found this book average. probably shouldn’t have read this whilst my brain is mush. i defo want to come back to this in the future and see if i enjoy it more when i can actually think coherently. anyways off i go to increase my reading goal now that ive met it with *checks calendar* FOUR MONTHS LEFT OF 2024.

god speed

[chromes-corner]

rewriting financier is kinda hard. do you have any thoughts on her? i havent watched chapter 3 of the cookie odyssey so im not sure if she still has no impact on the story.

I have a few thoughts on her, but I haven’t had enough downtime to actually put all my thoughts into a coherent compilation/analysis, so have some loose passing thoughts that I’ve dreamt up throughout the past few days!!

minor chapter 3 spoilers under the cut

I’ve seen all of chapter 3 (impatient) and I can safely say that financier does not receive any actual role or development. Like, her backstory is expanded on just a TINY bit, but it only goes so far as to say that she was an orphan. That’s literally all we get. She was an orphan who grew up being taught about the Divine Light and that’s it. Good lord the writers had nothing for her.

The role she plays in chapter 3 is also very minor, but at least they actually have her something to do in this chapter. All she does is discover that it’s Mille-Feuille that’s indoctrinating the orphans into the white mask cult, and telling them that they must retrieve the five soul jams in order to appease the Godly (witches) (also that the cookies who ran from the “benevolent” witches are sinful and unappreciative of the life the witches gave them). All this goes down in a single scene where financier literally ACCIDENTALLY is there at just the right time to witness this. She didn’t have an investigation on it. She was just there, saw Mille go into the basement, and saw the child cult.

So, with the context outta the way, here are some ideas for rewriting financier.

Financier is shown to be devoted to the Divine Light (she was never introduced to the child cult, as I assume Mille started it after financier grew up and left the orphanage) and she mentions that the Divine Light chose her.

So what I’m thinking is that, after witnessing what Mille was doing with the orphans, perhaps her faith gets shaken a bit. Was the church of the Divine always just a cover up to this cult? Is the “Divine Light” schtick just a front so suspicion is avoided when having the orphans there??

And perhaps before all this goes down, maybe financier is already having doubts about her beliefs and who she is as a person. She was chosen by the Light for a reason, but why? Why would a chosen be assigned as a body guard to someone clearly capable of defending himself? Make it a little meta even. Maybe she herself feels like a background character in Clotteds story. Maybe she begins to feel useless as the others run off to complete their tasks, while she stands on the sidelines, awaiting orders that will never come because maybe she isn’t needed. Perhaps she’s feeling a bit of good ol imposter syndrome, which only gets worse as she returns to the republic and realizes that paladins don’t really do much.

And maybe after she meets Madeleine and discovers that he’s nothing more than a pretty face for photoshoots and tourism, maybe her faith cracks even more. He was chosen by the Light as well, yet he does nothing more than pose for the masses and flip his hair about. Is the Light just a fan of eye candy, or is the Light even a real thing? This is all not to mention the fact that pretty much all paladins from the academy don’t do any real work. It’s the guards and militia from the houses that are out in the field, policing and keeping the streets (of the upper city at least) safe.

So after the adventure, she goes to the church for guidance from the mysterious Divine Light. She doesn’t understand her purpose or how she could be considered chosen for such low-level deeds (that being existing as a mere poster child for the republic). Who is she if not a hero like she always wanted to be? Was all of her training for naught? Did she take the wrong path?

And then the whole cult discovery thing happens and whoopsie daisy financier suddenly doubts everything and has solid proof that her “chosen” business might be a sham

I talk in this post about how throughout odyssey, everyone defies expectations in one way or another. Maybe financier defies expectations through her own doubt and her struggle with her self. Paladins are expected to be noble and true and entirely self-assured, as they are told that they are he frontlines and defenders of good, but what happens when one goes down a rabbit hole of self-doubt? What happens when one doesn’t just want a title, but an actual purpose too??

Perhaps in your rewrite, too, she rebels more against the paladin code and goes off to discover her own truth, perhaps aided by madeleine or clotted. Paladins are meant to follow orders and sit and roll over when asked. Maybe she defies expectations by not waiting for orders and instead forging ahead and making her own rules.

So where will this take her in her future? Will she relinquish her religion and forge her own path? Will she succumb to the doubt and disappear, now that her whole sense of self has been lost? Or will she rise up beyond her title, perhaps setting out on a journey for good, or by setting her sword aside and instead picking up a pen and entering the world of politics to make the world a better place?? And, following this, must she go against her good friend and former charge, clotted cream?

Anyways, I hope these thoughts helped ya with brainstorming a bit!! If I think of anything else, I’ll rb this post with new thoughts! Hopefully I’ll be able to sit down one day and actually write up a bit more of a concrete analysis on financier in canon as she stands :)

[littlx-songbxrd]

Chain of Iron:Death theory

As the awaited release date for Chain of Iron approaches and the fandom decends into pure madness, I want to put in my last two cents of overthinking before I stop having coherent thoughts

So we all know this is a second book, and second books bring the absolute pain in the shadowhunter chronicles. There is likely going to be a death from the mains considering the theme of this book, and I am here to throw my theory and reasons as to who I think it might be. Im here to sadly theorize about why I think Christopher Lightwood might not make it past the last hours

1. Tatianas revenge

Right now, Tatiana wants revenge after all our main families: the carstairs, herondales, fairchilds and both branches of the lightwoods. For the lightwood-collins theres barbaras death. For the herondales her daughter has been manipulating their son for over 6 years. Theres a theory that the fairy poison Mathew bought that caused Charlottes misscarriage could be traced back to her. And there are other theories that Elias dissaperance between chog and choi could have something to do with Belial. As of right now the only family who is yet to recieve any permanent damage or tragedy are the lightwood-herondales. Which is really ironic considering its the only family that has two bloodlines Tatiana wants to harm. Not only that, but theyre also the children of who Tatiana blames directly for her fathers death, Gabriel. It seems fishy to me there hasn't been any permanent damage in their family, and I dont think that is gonna last for long

2. The family tree

The family tree states that Grace Cartwright (Aka Grace Blackthorn) marries Christopher Lightwood and theyre the ones who continue the line that leads to Alec and Isabelle. Now Cassandra has said varius times the family tree can be misleading, and I am a firm believer this is one of the misleading ends. Why this lie was created, I'm not sure, but lets analize some things. As of right now there are 5 lightwood children. At least 3 of them can pass down the lightwood name. Of those three, if we take into account that Thomas may not have kids due to being gay, that still leaves two branches of lightwood kids that may continue on. As of present time we only have word of one line, Alec and Isabelles. And Robert isnt said to have any cousins, theres no mention in the future of another lightwood line. So the idea that both Alexander and Christopher have kids is pretty unbelivable considering theres only one lightwood line in the future. Unless Alexander goes on to have only girls and Christopher has only one boy, it seems more likely the family tree is wrong. Isabelle and Alec are confirmed as of the bane chronicles to be decendants of Gabriel lightwood (Isabelle makes a reference to looking up her great great grandfather Gabriel Lightwood and telling magnus he was hot in the last story of the book)

So its already confirmed they're a) the last decendants of the lightwood line and b) that line stems from Gabriel. If we based ourselves solely on the family tree and Christopher being the one carrying the line, that would have been believable enough not to raise any red flags. Christopher IS the son of Grabriel Lightwood, able bodied and seems to have a general attraction to women (I mean, we all know hes aro/ace but lets stick with canon). There isnt anything pointing to him not being able to marry and have kids. Where the red flags raise for me is with Alexander

Alexander wasnt in the original plans for the family tree, he was added when Cassie started writting the last hours. If you take into account his role in chog, there really was no reason to add Alexander Lightwood. He doesnt seem to do anything, hes a 3 year old kid, you can very well delete him from the narrative and nothing would change. So why did Cassandra add him?? Why did she decide to make Cecily and Gabriel have another kid ?

To me, it seems a lot like the baby carstairs situation . The family tree says Alastair carries the carstairs line, Alastair is a gay man so he cant have biological kids, theres another unplaned baby to carry the line. It seems to me Christopher carrying the lightwood line is a lie, and Alexanders role is to carry it in his place. I even found a little info from an ask wayy before chain of gold came out where it said Alexander had green eyes, but in the book she changed it to blue eyes. The exact same shade the modern day lightwoods seem to have. A trait hes more likely to pass down than his lavender eyed brother who supposedly "marries" grey eyed grace

3. Character Arc

Characters in literature need goals, things to work for or work towards through the story in order for them to develop. We call those things character arcs, and it seems we have all ignored how christophers may have indirectly ended. If you read his short story, or just overall analize his character, his main goal is simple. He wants to create something that will help the nephlim through science. His personal character arc is that he wants to prove himself and his skill to the clave using his passion to be a hero.

An arc that could have been expanded all through the series, and ended with him using his skills in the end to defeat belial in some way, proving his passions worth. Through the story we could have had a glimpse at his struggles, how he was put down, the failed attempts, fustrations etc. This all could have rounded christopher as a character, and brought more satisfaction to the end goal of his arc which is proving the value of his science. But instead, his arc in book seemingly already ended? Because he did it, he figured out a way to combine science with his duty and saved the entire enclave from the demon poison. He is now acclaimed a hero for his skills. All the other characters have things to finish going into chain of iron, Christopher doesnt. Why would she end an arc that could have taken through the entire series in just one book? Christopher is the only secondary character with a defined personality and a lack of arc to look foward too in following books. This could all point that his arc was rushed because it was being cut short

4. Lightwood blood

There has been a lot of theories going around about Thomas being the one who gets killed in this book, which is resonable considering the unerving amount of forehsadowing we've had to him getting himself caught up in something. But I raise you this, why would CC be giving us so much assurance that Thomas was going to get hurt if she was going to kill him? Not only would she be reaveling one of her most devastating murders, she would basically be spoiling a very big part of her own book. Thomas death would affect everyone, if she WERE to kill him she wouldnt be indulging us in our Thomas death theory as much as she has. Itd be too expectable, I actually believe that by giving us all the info she has she has more or less confirmed he wont die.

I believe this is all a decoy. Shes giving us foreshadowing towards something bad happening to Thomas, to cover up the very big reality shes planning to kill someone else. Theres a very big chance that for the resurection, theyre gonna need Jesses families blood. Same way Malcom needed blackthorn blood to raise Annabel. As of rightnow there arent any blackthorns (by blood) left alive, the only blood relatives Jesse still had are the lightwoods. So we already know Thomas gets captured by the murderer (referenece to the art), but it is most likely he gets rescued. People speculate he most likely got captured for the resurection Tatianas trying to do, because of his lightwood blood. But if Thomas escapes, Tatiana still needs her families blood. And I'd like to point out this is also where the fact she hasnt taken permanent revenge on the lightwood-herondales would come in. Theres a good chance that if the murders are releated to her, and she cant have Thomas, she wont stop at just Thomas.

5. Story relevance

In all sense of story, Christopher is the perfect candidate to kill. As hard as that is to say: he's a secondary character, who has a well defined personality, loved enough by the fans that there would certainly be a shock factor following his death, important enough to the story that there would be a big impact to the narrative, and interwined enough with the main characters to cause emotional distress in the story. His arc is indirectly done, this author has a history of killing lightwoods, there isnt much to discourage the possibility he might be killed besides the faulty family tree. And as I said, that tree has been stated multiple times to be misleading

Bonus prove

6. Christophers cut-out

Same way were analizing the hell out of a broken spear, why are we not talking about the skull on christophers?

(Sorry couldnt get better quality pics)

The truth is, I hate this theory as much as everyone, Im genuinly hoping chain of iron proves me wrong. But there are 5 deaths comming, and not all of them can be side characters. Cordelia Lucie and James all have main character protection. I already explained why Thomas dying is unlikely. Anna, Ariadne and Alastair have gay protection (and I think some asks about Alastair dying were pretty much answered with a discreet no)

If there are mains dying, Christophers the most likely to go

[janekfan]

hi mom! quick update: i had a panic attack at work the other day. luckily my coworker/manager knew what it was and helped me out but i still had to do the rest of my shift but at least i got the next day off. hours are still bad but everyone around me is talking about how proud they are of me... i just barely managed to scrape up a 50 cent raise... im one of three people on my shift... i cant take time off. i know you already did one for me but... i dont have much else to bring comfort

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27072691

My darling child! <3 <3 <3 This is inadequate! And I shall do better soon! But I love you and hope this offers a little comfort!

When asked later if he’d known, Tim lied. Of course not. He hadn’t realized just how sick Jon had been, certainly didn’t know how long it’d been. After all, no one really saw him most days, skulking as he did around the archives, a flickering, limping shadow among the stacks. Jon didn’t have use for them and Tim didn’t have use for him. Not until they enacted their plan of attack and finished things once and for all.

So no. When he’d dropped by to toss Martin’s research at him he ignored the pallor, the beads of sweat dotted along his forehead and matting his curls. He paid no mind to the dark flush high in his face, the glazed distance in his eyes, the shortness of his breath as he fought to form one coherent thought. A plea veiled in a request and it gave Tim all the excuse he needed to conveniently forget to fetch Martin for him.

“T’Tim...could, could you ask Martin to, to.” Jon could barely finish a thought. Exhausted, he’d been under so much stress, running himself ragged on adrenaline and awful, terrible statements, and he just wanted to see someone kind. Someone who might help him instead of hate him. Someone who maybe didn’t want to hurt him or kill him. Or worse. “I’d like t’to speak with him? P’please?”

“Sure, Boss.”

Martin wasn’t coming.

Martin wasn’t coming and Jon was miserable. But he didn’t blame Martin for staying away. It was alright. He was probably upset with him or angry or had a hundred other reasons to avoid seeing him and it was fine.

Jon let his cheek collide with the tea-stained blotter and slow tears slipped down to join the other watermarks, the rust traces of his blood. With a thin, trembling finger he connected the scars etched into the surface like constellations, each one tied to a memory; some he remembered, some he’d forgotten, some he wished he could forget. Why the old desk even had this second skin he would never know; it was already damaged and scratched and why bother protecting it when it could never go back to the way it was before? Heaving a shaky breath that didn’t give him near enough air to sustain him, Jon closed his eyes. It would be a lovely thing if sleep restored anything or made him feel anything other than relief for the blissful span of unmeasured time he spent not feeling. Floating, dizzy and suspended here in the dark, so tired it seemed like the room was expanding around him with every hard won exhale, shrinking to crush him with every inhale.

It didn’t seem worth it.

Like he wasn’t worth it.

When Jon was asleep, he drifted along unfamiliar currents, memories that didn’t belong to him or anyone that he knew from hundreds of years ago, from mere months ago. From far underwater he listened to the sounds of the office fade away through a closed door that may as well have been a kilometer away for all the strength he had left. Everyone was leaving for the weekend and he wasn’t able to stand. Everyone was leaving and he wasn’t able to call out, snared in these fathomless depths and sinking fast.

Silence.

Thick. Blanketing. Suffocating.

He was drowning in it. Struggling to breach the surface only seconds at a time to snatch at sips of air and seawater.

The safety lights cast shadows that slipped along the floor like oil, into the cracks, up the walls Jon clung to, casting just enough light to see by and aggravating his head. He wanted to sleep. He needed water and it was how he found himself in the dingy break room leaning heavily on the sink, holding on for dear life as he weathered the salt swells, the tilting of the room and the vertigo swirling up, up, up. The first glass met its end on the floor when it slipped from Jon’s grip and he could have sobbed from the loss, from how hard he’d worked for it only to let it go. The next he cradled close in both hands, sitting at the rickety table and gulping down close to half before coming up to breathe. Cool rivulets trickled down his throat, soaked into the neck of his borrowed tee and he shivered. It was always cool down here. For the documents. Only now he was freezing, longing to fall into the cot, just rest, but it was too far away. He’d never make it as he was. He drank the rest of the water and went through the trouble of a second glass. There were no bottles in the fridge, none in the cupboards. He’d never be able to carry it back to his office. Tears prickled in the corners of his eyes. Why was this so hard? Laying his head on folded arms, Jon let the frustration come, shoulders shaking, and when he woke again he forced more water on himself and limped to the doorway.

Which way?

This time, a cough bubbling up in his lungs jerked him out of the deep. It was harsh, painful, and he lost the remaining water in his stomach from the force of it, tasted iron behind his tongue. Groaning, clutching at his aching chest, Jon realized he was on the floor in the hallway. Not even halfway to his goal and he didn’t remember collapsing. His limbs were lead, movement sluggish because of it, and he only managed to drag himself another meter before the spiraling of the corridor forced him to close his eyes. The fever was relentless, sapping him of everything, throbbing in his bones and boiling in his blood. Jon coughed again. The hot, tight tangle in the center of him drew tighter, a noose, instead of giving way and the black lurking at the edges of his vision swallowed the rest of it.

Martin adjusted the blanket in his arms, thinking again that it would have been easier to have put it in his bag for the walk from the train. He didn’t regret his choice though. He remembered how cold it could get down in the archives and Jon looked like he could do with a bit of comfort these days. Maybe being wrapped up in this monster would do it. Shouldering it, he took the narrow stairs, surprised that no one else was here yet. But considering none of them really wanted to do much actual work these days it made sense. Martin got his things situated at his desk, leaving the comforter overflowing in his chair before heading off to start the tea kettle warming. Glass crunched under his shoes and when Martin turned on the light it was clear Jon had dropped it. What was confusing was that he had left it. He wasn’t the most fastidious about his appearance or his surroundings but even he wouldn’t leave broken glass just lying around. WIth a crease in his brow, Martin swept it up, dumping it in the bin before turning off the squealing kettle. He prepared two mugs as usual and the only reason he didn’t drop them upon seeing Jon crumpled up in the hall was because he froze stock still.

“J’Jon?” He abandoned the tea on a desk, skidding on his knees to a stop at his side. “Jon! Oh, no, no. Jon, wake up.” Ashen, burning up under Martin’s fluttering hands, chest stuttering with half breaths. Had he been like this all weekend? Had he been like this before they all left? How did, why didn’t he check on him? Only when Martin slid his arms beneath his body did Jon stir at all, a pitiful sound of pain pulled from between his lips when he was lifted. A halfhearted cough ending in a moan. “It’s alright, Jon. You’re alright. I’ve got you.” He should call 999. That’s what he should do but with all that had been happening, was that the right choice?

“Mmar’in…” He toed open the door to document storage and laid him down, brushed back his curls and took up the cold hand Jon was reaching with. “Ma--” His grip was barely there when the deep, damp coughing jag stole the air right out of him, so strong Martin levered him forward, worried he would choke. Days. Days alone like this. He swept the tears away with careful fingers, traced the shadows like bruises beneath his eyes.

“It’s alright.” He propped him up against the corner, wishing there were more pillows to make him comfortable and pulled away, heart twisting up when Jon whimpered at the loss. “Hush, now. I’ll be back, I won’t leave you.” Quick as he could Martin gathered supplies, medicine for the raging fever, the blanket he’d brought along, a thermos of tea, checking on Jon in his fitful sleep with each trip. He sounded bad, he was having too much trouble breathing and the crackling wheeze was terrifying. The next time he came back it was with a basin of hot water and a towel. He placed it in Jon’s lap, sliding behind him to steady both him and the bowl, gentling him when he startled. “Just breathe, Jon. This, this should help.” The steam rose, bathing his face with humidity and it was probably wishful thinking but Martin thought each breath came a little easier. When Jon coughed Martin pressed a handful of tissue against his mouth, tossing the mess into the bin and letting him curl up against him for just a few moments. He was so warm. Too warm and Martin plied him with paracetamol and tea, as much as he would take before letting him fall back to sleep, smoothing a damp flannel over his forehead and leaving him to rest.

Soft, cool hands, kind, reassuring words. Jon drank them in like a desert after the rain, let them flood him, take away all the fear and loneliness he was holding onto. Martin was here. Martin was helping. Martin was holding him, saying things he didn’t quite understand in a steady voice. He wanted to cry from the relief of it, of having someone, of not being alone and he thought he might have but there was no teasing or threatening. Nothing he did made him hurt more. Everything he did made him hurt less. There was tea and pillows and blankets, warmth to replace the memory of lying on a cold floor and drifting in and out.

But he was gone now. He’d left him alone and Jon wanted him here. Struggling to his trembling legs he gave himself time to steady, limping out of the room and following the familiar voices and latching onto Martin’s. He sounded upset and Jon wondered if it was because of him. Most people were upset with him these days. He heard Basira and Melanie and Tim and he didn’t want to see them but Martin was with them and he wanted to see Martin. Martin with his kindness he didn’t deserve. He was cold. He was shaking.

Tim was yelling.

It made something in him afraid.

It made his chest hurt. It made it harder to breathe. It made him want to hide. And when he became even louder, Jon shrank into himself. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t.

“And speak of the devil!” Tim’s mocking tone rang in his head like a bell. “He shall appear.”

“Tim!”

“I’m. M’Martin? I.”

“What, Boss? What else could you possibly take that you haven’t already?”

“J’just--” Still human enough to want, too much a monster that he wasn’t allowed to have. Tim took a threatening step forward, and Jon forgot what he was going to say in favor of stumbling backwards, falling to the ground and knocking the air out of himself. He clawed at his neck, suddenly completely unable to breathe when Tim stood over him, towering and tall and seconds later Martin was taking up the whole of his horizon. Just Martin.

“It’s alright, Jon. Let’s get you back to bed, hm?”

“W’will you stay?” He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth, the sniggering coming from behind the larger man confirming what he already knew. Martin had already helped him. He had no right to ask for more. But again Martin carried him to document storage and again he placed him on the cot and this time, he stayed with him, wrapping him up warm and safe and tucking his head beneath his chin. Jon shuddered, the aftershocks of his panic and embarrassment still rocketing through him. “Martin...don’t. Don’t feel well…”

“I know.” Martin pet his head slowly and Jon relished it, pressing his ear against his broad chest and listening to the rhythm of his beating heart. He probably wouldn’t remember this anyway, not with a fever like this already making everything so fuzzy, and he wanted, just for a little while, to feel safe. “I’m sorry.” It was nice to hear even though Martin had nothing to apologize for. It was still nice that someone would say sorry to him. Exhausted all over again, the space between blinks stretched longer and longer. “You can sleep, Jon.” But what if he left? He didn’t want him to leave, the thought of it wetting his face and just like before Martin wiped the tears away. “It’s okay, just close your eyes. I’m not going anywhere.”

[infinites-chaser]

//.reverie // mlqc // lucien

print(hello world)

im knee deep in a writing slump bUT i plugged a paragraph of writing into this funky little neural network and kept generating 500 words with it for. an aBSURD amount of time (while also telling it to focus on including the words ‘memory’ ‘dreams’ and ‘color’) and what it spit out was the cOOLEST. and i tried to kinda parse through it to find the most interesting bits and make it slightly more coherent and it ended up being a little like how i’d imagine a series of dreams Lucien might’ve had post ch.18 so i hope someone? enjoys?

warning for non-explicit drug use, general fragmentATion and lack of narrative plot or coherence, the bizarre nature of dreams, spoiler-adjacent content for ch.13 and hinting at stuff from ch.18 onwards

The paragraph the neural network consumed (from watch the universe expand):

"You know, sometimes I think the stars must be lonely," she says, and though he doesn't dare look at her, he hears her both in real life and through the phone speaker cradled close to his ear. He feels rather than sees her move closer to his side of the balcony, closing the distance, coming to the edge.

"They're thousands of light years away from each other," she continues. "Maybe they wonder if they're all alone, sometimes, if they're the only light for miles in an empty, endless dark sea."

"It makes me sad, to think about it. We spend our lives looking up at the stars and casting lines, drawing constellations between them, but in reality, they're just as lonely as we are. Maybe even more."

prelude.

In his dreams, he has color for days, but that's because his memories are always colored with color. He remembers the colors of all the colors, he knows it, because colors fade in real life, colors can be rearranged. They stay the same in dreams. He remembers colors and faces in dreams, with absolute certainty.

He stands up and steps away from the glass, out onto the balcony. As the darkness reaches all the way to the bottom of the floor, he sees shadows in his mind. He recognizes the colors, the colors of dreams, as colors of real life. He can tell his memory is broken in his dreams, with such clarity that he could read an entire newspaper front page through color and dreams.

(He takes a step closer to the blue sky.)

i.

He remembers when he had first been able to see the constellations in the night sky, just a few short years ago, when his eyesight still had the capability to take in so much. They'd wanted to go to a star party, together, where he could be amazed by a whole world of constellations, but he'd turned it down.

"You were scared of strangers," she says. "It's not a strangers-only thing."

"That's true," he says.

"You're still shy," she says.

"I never was shy,” he says.

I never really grew up, he thinks.

ii.

He feels her warm breath. The scent of her.

"Do you think they look down at us and feel the loneliness of millions of years alone?"

"The stars? I've always imagined they might."

“Do you think they wonder about us, too? Or feel sorry for us?”

He scoffs.

“What’s there to wonder about?”

She shrugs. Her eyes look as distant as the stars. As cold.

"The sadness of losing one's entire species and the companionship of someone who sees and understands the beauty of the stars because of what we lost. Or the loneliness of knowing our species won't survive the disaster we caused."

“What do you mean,” he starts. Her lips curve up into a mockery of a smile.

“You know what,” she breathes. “Ares.”

(He wakes. Calls the dampness on his cheeks a nightmare’s cold sweat and not tears.)

iii.

He shrugs.

“We forget, don’t we? The world moves on. We move on.”

"That's not the way it is,” she says. “The best love in life comes from time spent with another person, the love that never fades or leaves you in darkness, like memories do. Sometimes, it's not the love we give each other but the love we receive from each other. I don't know, I guess the answer would depend on the person."

"Maybe the stars never forget their dreams,” she says. “Or the people they knew, or their color. Maybe they never lose the ability to recognize and remember what they're drawn to. Or maybe they can never forget the color of your eyes."

iii, ii.

“We forget, don’t we? The world moves on. We move on.”

(Do we? He thinks. Thinks they’ve been here, standing atop this balcony before. Thinks he's seen her eyes turn cold. Thinks he's seen her cry.)

He shrugs.

"No," she says quietly, but softly, still looking at the stars, still thinking about the comfort she gave him. (It's never enough, always, to fill the emptiness, the longing, the memories that must remain buried inside him.)

"I don't believe that. I know that the stars up there are as lonely as us, because they're like us, they love each other, they care for each other, they care for us, and love keeps us warm in the cold. Love is the one thing that can save us."

"You're right," he says. (Holds her close. Wishes he could do the same while awake.)

"Love really can save us. I have faith in that. No matter what happens, no matter what we do, we have to find ways to love each other and hold on to each other."

v.

"Do you remember the dreams you've had about the colors, or the faces of the people in the colors?"

She laughs softly. "I can never forget you, or your color, or the color of that sky in your memories, now. But that picture might look a little different in the morning light. Right now, I can't see it very well. You know, sometimes it's hard to remember what color the sky looks like in your memory when it's bright outside. It doesn't really feel like a real memory. You've said that yourself, at least."

"No, I haven't," he says. "It's just a memory."

"A memory?" she asks.

"A memory?" she repeats. “It’s always memories with you.”

He can't tell if she's laughing or not, or if she's teasing him or not.

“What do you mean?”

"It’s a secret,” she says. “You could always just ask me in real life.”

(I can’t, he thinks, but can’t say. Can't remember why.

He wakes.)

vi.

"Color?" she repeats. "Color?"

"Yes," he says. "You're color. You're always ... different, in my memories."

She laughs. "Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe we remember our lives as they were, not what we wish they were. Maybe that means we can forgive ourselves a little more.”

"For what?"

(She's frozen.

She fades.

For what? He thinks, then wakes.)

vii.

"I think I have colors for months in my memory," she says. "See here?"

"What?"

"Colors. In the moon, or this tree, or maybe the sky?"

"You mean right now?"

"No. All of them, at one time or another."

"What color is the sky?"

She laughs, and her voice is beautiful. She tells him that the sky looks the color of memories and dreams.

But then he asks another question. "When you dreamed last night, what did you dream about?”

"I can't remember all of them," she says. “My dreams. They fade.”

"But you do remember that you were dreaming, back there?"

"I was dreaming. About you."

"Why?"

"I don't know. All I know is that the dream felt like a good one."

"It must have been, if you remember it. Did you have the same dreams when you were growing up?"

"Yes," she whispers. "Sometimes."

(“Sometimes I think we must’ve met in one.”

“What?”

“A dream."

"That'd be nice, wouldn't it?")

viii.

“The stars,” she murmurs. “Do you think they dream? Do you think they can escape?"

"Perhaps they can, to some extent," se says. "I'm not sure it works for everyone."

She asks him to step into the blue sky with her. To escape. To return.

"Can you go back? I haven't asked anyone to go back yet, but maybe you can."

He takes a step, closing his eyes. He remembers the color of this blue sky, and he remembers dreaming and dreaming. He remembers colors, and colors are real, so they must be real in real life. So he steps forward into the blue sky.

His skin stretches and stretches and stretches, the colors in his skin growing more vivid as he steps further, he gets closer to the sky. The colors disappear in his memory, which can still contain dreams, so that his skin looks almost white, at first. His body elongates until he looks like he's wearing a strange version of a spacesuit, like the one his friends wore when they had to wear oxygen masks on the surface of planets and robots to stay alive.

He hears his echo. It’s saying that he looks lonely. Pale blue dot— he'll drift through space, he'll miss her in the dark, or he won't but he'll be too late, anyway.

It's hard to figure out which colors in the blue sky he's really seeing. He thinks the color of his skin looks like the sky he remembered, but maybe it isn't really the sky he remembers. He sees colors of the people he knew and the colors of the colors of the sky, but he sees colors that are impossible to connect with other colors.

(He surfaces to darkness, insides twisting, writhing, turned snakes by the venom he's made of his blood. He staggers to the sink, spits up poison. Thinks about forgetting. Thinks about taking more.)

ix.

His color is yellow, the color of a sick leaf, and the first of the colors of his dreams.

"Tell me again what color I look like in your memory," she says.

He tries to focus on that part of her, of her memory, where he actually sees her. He thinks about how good her skin looks, how smooth and pale and slightly glowing. He can't remember her color.

"Do I look just like you remember?" he asks.

"Your color is the color of yellow of the leaves, right?"

"Yes," he whispers.

“You’re sick,” she says, and places a hand on his cold cheek, lets it warm.

“Sick,” he echoes, closes his eyes against her touch. Lets himself fade. Lets himself rest. “Perhaps.”

x.

"I don't remember it," he admits. "Your color."

"But you don't want me to, do you?"

She sighs, and for a moment, it seems she's crying. "No," she whispers. "No, not all."

"You didn't want me to know, did you?"

"Yes, I did. I do."

She bites her lip. Looks down. Looks away.

"I want you to remember. Just— not like this. Never like this."

"Why?"

"Because you'd see the way I laugh and the way I'm breathing, and if you just heard it for yourself, you'd know the way I loved your hair when you woke up from the dream that you shared with me. The way you looked when you talked about your life, when you stared up at the sky, seeing the dreams in your eyes."

(He had forgotten them already, because they were beautiful, those memories, and he knew them without remembering their color. Without remembering her name. Without remembering the truth.

The sky, he thinks, is even more vivid than memories.)

xi.

"I don't know," he says. "Why don't I remember? What am I forgetting?"

"I don't know either," she says. "I think...I must've forgotten, too."

"But maybe it doesn't matter— we do remember colors, don't we? As colors really are. Because we can remember them. You know, that's why color blindness must be one of the most terrible things that's ever been born. For a color-blind person, they see the colors of people and things by the color of their eyes, and they can't tell when the color is off. Just like colors are difficult to remember, and colors are difficult to see."

He smiles at her.

"There's one more way, isn't there?"

“To see color?”

“To remember,” he whispers, and lowers his lips to hers. She flinches under him, he steadies her, then she’s limp, his hands tight around her neck and he—

(He wakes.)

xii.

"Why are you here again?" she asks.

He shakes his head.

“I don’t know.”

"We might be in the middle of remembering," she says. "We're both always in the middle of remembering things in the middle of moments."

"Oh, you're an astrologist, then," he mutters, trying to remember the word. It doesn’t sound right. Nothing does.

"Astronomer?" He asks. She shakes her head. She's smiling, but her eyes are dark. Dark and blue.

"It doesn't matter, anyway," she says. "We should probably stop."

"Stop?"

She smiles again, her eyes bluer still.

No, he realizes. Not blue. Sad.

"It's time to wake up," she murmurs. He reaches for her, but it's too late. She fades, and he's left alone drifting under the stretching stars.

(Astronaut, he thinks, between planets and stardust. He remembers.)

...

fin.

"Are you saying I'm color-blind?"

She laughs again.

"Oh, no," she says. "Not color-blind at all. Your color blindness is just a side effect of your memory. You remember some colors well, and it doesn't matter what color the sky or a flower is, you can recognize it. So, yes. Your color blindness is your memory of colors."

"How is it my memory?" he asks, and though he could never be color-blind, he can still remember colors well enough to recognize the colors of the rainbow on the horizon as clouds drift by the sky.

"Maybe your color blindness is what happens when you spend so much time remembering color and color and color," she suggests, and somehow some part of him knows what she means is remembering me. Remembering my smile.

"Oh," he says. He considers it.

They are silent, for a time, until a sound cuts through the night air, crying through his whole body with a low swish of noise. He thinks he hears a whistling, and then it's back again. Then it's different, maybe growing louder, and he wonders if it's a ringing, but the sound gets fainter, so faint that he begins to think he imagined it.

"Is that the whistle?" she asks, and he can hear the alarm in her voice.

"Did it start again? Is this world going to end?" She whispers it, the sound again, and the sound grows closer, an elongated screech. The whistle never ceases.

The whistling sounds in every direction, like a swarm of insects.

And the smell is the worst, the most awful smell, like bad meat, or a stagnant ditch full of mud and dirt and rotten meat. He can barely breathe, and can barely see through the curtain of fog. He stands, reaching toward her, trying to hear her, but everything around him is changing.

"What is it?" she asks, and her voice is lost, lost in the darkness. She is lost. She is gone.

The smell, a putrid odor like rotten meat, begins to affect his mind, and he cannot remember her words.

There's something blue (sad) behind his eyelids. He tries to look and discovers that he can't.

"What's that?" he asks. He's in the clearing, still dressed in the dark color of morning (mourning), and everything is out of place, though he can't see it.

"It's my color. It's blue." He stares at it.

"My favorite color. Blue. And there's something pink around it. Couldn't see that before. It's pink."

The colors, he thinks. Those are colors. The whistling sound, I must have heard that noise before.

(The whistling doesn't sound like whistling at all. It sounds like heartbreak. It sounds like a scream.)

That's why I can't remember her. I remember colors, and it's like there's a wall in my mind, because I remember color, color and nothing else, color and her smile, the beginning, the middle, and not ever the end.

"I remember colors," he says. "Now let me remember her."

And he remembers pink, he remembers the smell. The whistle (the scream).

(Remembers she died. Remembers he wasn't there to save her.)

There's something red on the sand. It's a bouquet of roses he's picked. Pink and red. Roses. The smell, his nose draws in is the scent of roses.

(He knows they smell like her, but the moment's passed. Once again, he can't remember her.

He thinks, he must not have been hers. She must have not been in love.)

epilogue.

It is dawn when he wants to close his eyes and remember. But he tries not to think about it. He closes his eyes slowly, praying silently to the skies, barely able to imagine that the next time he opens his eyes, maybe they'll be different.

"... like his dreams," he whispers under his breath.

"... and her dreams."

"... like everything here." His steps seem slow today. Steady. Better than any other morning. Fresh.

"Just like his memories. Rest easy, Lucien."

(When the apartment door opens, it’s Ares who emerges.)

this is where im legally obligated to tell u I'm slowly being converted to a comp neuro nerd so i went and read the github of the language learning model inferkit uses, megatron-11b, and it'S hella cool but basically if anyone is worried. no it is not trained on the words u provide it-- the sentence structure/word information that the model 'learns' from is scripts made by the dev. so uh. basically, it's 'learned' all it will about language based on these provided scripts of vocab and sentence structure so when you give it a paragraph of writing, all it's doing is 'reacting' to your words by using its memory of these writing rules to predict (and auto-generate) what words it thinks will come next (the algorithm runs a tON of probability computations and this is the 'thinking' and predicting.)

[yostresswritinggirl]

i hope you don't mind me ramblin' for a little bit 😭 but i just. yes.

i saw you reblog about visions and my mind went brr so so. LISTEN LISTEN i thought..... what if venti gives visions to people who kinda. needs freedom in their life. this type of thinkin'. im basin' this purely on jean and xiao cuz i know nothin' about sucrose BUT jean is overwokin' herself and always uses mondstadt as an excuse but... mondstadt would be fine with her takin' a day or two free cuz she really needs it right. and they all would be really fine, jean has knights to help and mondstadt is Strong they can do it. and for xiao-

is freedom still freedom when dictated by a god. are you really free when you are told to protect liyue anyway. is this really freedom. + xiao still isnt free from his past so. is he really really free.

i just think that yes. i might be totally wrong cuz sucrose but 😭

Yes

YES

You're not far off at all, I think that Anemo Visions do have a tint of freedom aspect into their character. This is either they are tied down or in need of breaking free, while I also think there's the aspect of "Choosing your own fate and willing to be placed there". If we put in Sucrose into the equation, she has been researching about bio alchemy because she dreams of a plant continent, a place where she and her old friends promised to go together. Xiao is a Guardian Yaksha who chose to be tied down to Liyue, to his God when he had all the reasons and means to leave just like Bosacius.

Venti is the god of freedom and he also has a grasp of his own life beyond Mond, but in the end he still lingers and looks over the city like his Stanley quest. And Jean's duties as the Dandelion Knight and Acting Grand Master is an honor she willingly puts herself into for the desire to protect Mond. In the end it's like a blessing to those who desire to have their own path chosen, and if they wish to use their Vision to be free, then that's part of it.

All in all, our interpretations seem to be coherent and meeting in the middle anyways. Just different branches and strands, in this sense the upcoming Anemo Kazuha feels like a person who would show the same aspects of a voyager, vagabond? And he'll help expand this more.

[untamedunrestrained]

The Untamed and Mo Dao Zu Shi

These past eight days have been surreal.

I have drowned so fully in this story that it feels like I am just surfacing.

On Valentine’s Day, fandom on tumblr reblogged this fanart of WangXian by qulfeeh and I was intrigued. The reblog was tagged with two important key words ‘Wangxian’ and ‘The Untamed’. In the brush of a few keystrokes I came across the Wikipedia page for a show known as the Untamed that was available on Netflix. The thing that stood out was that it was based on a BL novel and that both the very male protagonists were described as each other’s soulmates and somehow that was enough. So, I opened Netflix and after like a second of hesitation I started watching the show and I didn’t stop. I started at eight in the evening and I watched nine episodes in a row which basically meant I was up till five in the morning. What followed seems like a record for me. I finished all fifty episodes of the Untamed in under seventy-two hours.

I put hardly five minutes of thought into my decision to watch this story and ended up dedicating the past eight days straight. The first three days to the live action drama and the past five to reading the novel.

If it isn’t obvious this story is that good.

The Untamed

The Untamed is a first for me on so many levels. I have never watched a Chinese show before ever and that seemed extremely significant to me because China is actually a neighbouring country yet as far as my mind is concerned it might as well be on another planet. Which seems particularly odd considering shows from English speaking countries like the UK and the US are a staple for me which makes these countries feel so much closer though they are geographically on the other side of the planet. Of course, a major factor is the language barrier but another is the political scenario between our two countries and amazingly this show made me realise how much of an impact perceiving different cultures can have on your perception of their people. It has literally opened up a whole new world for me that I have just realised I have never taken the moment to discover. Well, considering this is me we are talking about, how appropriate, that it would be a drama based on a BL novel that unlocked this whole new world for me.

I have tried reading a Danmei novel before which was awful and it completely turned me off the genre but it did have a side effect of educating we about elements of a wuxia novel which made this xianxia world seem a little familiar but even if it hadn’t, I would have still been hooked.

It didn’t take long for The Untamed to find a new fan and I have been obsessing over it ever since.

The Untamed is an amazing drama which revolves around the love Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian have for each other and the plot is so intriguing that you wouldn’t be able to stop even if you tried (I didn’t because that thought didn’t even manage to enter my mind).

It’s a love story and that is undisputable for me, they don’t say it, it isn’t mentioned but there is this palpable force influencing events and you know they love each other. I have somehow really disregarded how much a show can show you stuff without ever explicitly stating it but The Untamed set me straight in that regard. I doubt anyone who watches the show would mistake it for anything but the love story it is.

Wei WuXian was an instant hit for me. He is a lovable, gregarious character always up to mischief but is someone who always wants to be on the side of justice and I have a weak spot for characters with a hard on for justice. He is just such a lively character who keeps smiling all the time that it’s just hard not to fall for him in minutes. His antics and his demeanour are so charming that you’re hooked. He would have easily been my most favourite character in any other drama that doesn’t have a Lan WangJi.

Lan WangJi is an amazing character. In a world, which has become increasing about everyone voicing their opinions (like I’m doing at present) it is hard to believe that people like Lan WangJi exist. People who are quiet, who don’t speak unless absolutely necessary. He is literally the embodiment of tranquillity and more important he is Wei WuXian’s hero. Like literally he protects him like he’s protecting his life which on second thought he definitely is.

I literally had second-hand embarrassment from how obviously romantic these two are.

Hands down the best thing I have watched in 2020 by far! The characters are amazing, the plot is intricate and it is so, so interesting. I watched almost fourty hours of this series non-stop and I don’t remember a single point where I felt like the story became boring for a second which now that I think about it is, is… astonishing. How can such a large drama be so engrossing? This isn’t binge-worthy there is literally no other way to watch the show!!!

Mo Dao Zu Shi

But after coming down from the high of the first seventy-two hours of being submerged in this world, I was reluctant to leave this world so much so that I didn’t even contemplate it. I had a wide variety of media to choose from. The story is based on a web series by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu that was made into a manhua, followed by an donghua, followed by an audio drama followed by The Untamed. It must speak to the universality of the story that the people are willing to read the same story in so many different formats, I know I’m not done.

But, high up on my list was the source material, one of the articles described the show as being extremely faithful to the novel, which made me want to jump on that wagon posthaste, and I agree whole-heartedly. I read the translation by Exiled Rebels Scanlations and what struck me was how the show and the novel were tonally the same. I had switched mediums but it didn’t feel like a different story or like I was reading different characters which is shocking because that’s literally how good the show was at translating words into video.

Differences

One of the startling things about the book is that it really ties up the plot neatly. There are tons of plot points that aren’t as completely resolved on the show as they are on the novel which I only ever realised after reading the novel. A lot of this had to do with how certain details of the plot are different. A classic example that the reason behind the scars on Lan Zhan’s back is different in the two. In the novel, LWJ whisks WWX away from the Nightless City after he massacres and pretty much beats-to-a-pulp the entire alliance of sects. LWJ then has to tend to WWX so they remain in hiding for three days. When cultivators from the GusuLan Sect finally discover the two, LWJ has to defeat all of them to keep WWX safe and that’s why he is given one whipping for every cultivator he defeated. Of course, since WWX dies on the battlefield in the show this couldn’t be the reason behind the scars so they have LWJ defend Burial Mounds which wasn’t all that fruitful considereing the LanlingJin Clan does end up with a lot of WWX’s artifacts, there was no point in defending Burial Mounds as he couldn’t have kept it up in the long run but him going to Burial Mounds after the massacre at Nightless City is important to ensure they story can credibly reveal Lan ShiZui to be A-Yuan. So, yeah differences, the show focuses on the Wen Clan and the Yin Iron while the novel doesn’t have the Yin Iron at all and focuses on Jin GuangYao. But, despite the differences the story still feels coherent between the two mediums mainly because the relationship between LWJ and WWX that is at the core of both remains central to the plot at all times.

The plot of the novel though is extremely intricate and the author does an amazing job of deconstructing it which makes it easier to understand what’s happening while the show in hindsight does get away with sweeping up certain loose ends.

Of course, the kisses and the sex are gone but I will gladly take that cliff scene in exchange. I was actually shocked that the novel actually doesn’t dwell on WWX’s first death at all. Like, we don’t even know how exactly he died in the novel and this was hsocking given how pivotal that cliff scene is in the show.

Characters

Surprisingly though a lot of the roles of side characters were expanded for the show, the novel seems to have delivered a better understanding of these characters. The biggest example for me being Jiang Yanli.

She has an elaborately expanded role in the show which does highlight how deep her bind with her brothers particularly WWX is but somehow she seems like a timid character among a bunch of very strong characters. What the novel does is that it gives you a very realistic picture of her, she might not seem like a significant influence on the story but her impact is far-reaching. The novel doesn’t showcase much of her character but the scenes that feature her in the book are some of the most poignant ones and incidentally those are the same ones that stand out in the show. I feel like novel did a better job of showing off her strength. While, in the show I couldn’t look beneath her timid demeanour the novel manages to showcase the strength of her love. She cares deeply and loves deeply and the novel manages to show you the courage it takes to love someone so deeply. I definitely admire her character more and in fact I’m kind of in awe that someone who appears so traditional was so awesome. It felt easy to dismiss her character but reading the author’s words made me realise that I would be very, very wrong in doing so.

Wei WuXian might be the luckiest guy in the world to have a shijie like her followed by a husband like LWJ who both seem very determined to spoil the hell out of him. I might be experiencing some jealousy right now.

The author somehow manages to imbue her characters with qualities that makes them real and unique. Like WWX forgetting everybody’s face which is a real world problem that I have never seen anybody suffer from in a novel but just the fact that WWX doesn’t immediately bring his old hang-ups in his subsequent meetings with side characters didn’t only have hilarious consequences but made everything that much more intriguing and credible.

This author also does an amazing job of flipping characters. There are very few villains who are black and white in this story. WWX himself is a character caught in the gray of it all, universally reviled for standing up for the right reasons. This is a theme throughout the show and the novel where bad characters might be good and good might be bad but the author endeavours to show us all sides to a character. While this most definitely applies to Jin GuangYao, I’m surprised with how it resonates with Xue Yang who’s relationship with Xiao Xinchen can only be characterized with the words “It’s Complicated”. I don’t actually know what to think of these two Xiao Xingchen was definitely betrayed but can we ignore the fact that he found himself a companion in Xue Yang his sworn enemy and Xue Yang’s feelings for Xiao Xingchen are enough to drive me crazy. This guy has no idea how frustrating he is, that piece of candy clenched in his fist will drive me crazy for the rest of my life. The entire Yi City Arc is a big mess of grey there are no whites and blacks and the show underscores that with this quote –

Once upon a time, there was a little child who liked sweets very much. But because he had no parents nor money, he could never have such things. So he’d been dreaming if only someone could give him a candy every day.

Don’t even get me started on the music that plays in the background when this quote is being narrated.

There are just so many amazing things about the show and the novel. I mean the show might have actually worked harder to make things more romantic and one scene that I’m surprised isn’t from the book is the lantern scene with both of them making pledges like that particular scene neatly underlined who WWX is and would become. The hand-fastening scene is also not from the book but then there are other scenes and other delights to be found in the novels.

This story is definitely worth reading and watching for years to come. If anyone has any apprehensions about the novel I will be glad to clarify but the everything about “The Untamed” and “Mo Dao Zu Shi” stand in the same breath.

[softtofustew]

an odyssey | afterword

rating: T

pairing: Hwang Hyunjin/Han Jisung

summary: Somewhere in the galaxy of the Stella Primum, Lieutenant Han is the best fighter on his team, a real ace shooter, with five gold stars to show. Too bad Second Lieutenant Hwang is not only great at battling the Ordinem, he’s also got disgustingly perfect looks to match, and now Jisung’s stuck in the same spaceship with him for possibly the most impossible task of their lives. Or the one where a rivalry is brewed across the skies and stars, until Jisung realises what there is to flying beside Hyunjin on a mission to save the galaxy.

if you haven’t read it yet, read here.

this is an afterword to ‘an odyssey’, where i write about the origin of the story, the characters, and my struggles of writing :’)

(i) The Origin

I’ve had this work in my WIPs since, believe it or not, January of this year. I’ve had this idea for so, so long. I wrote it intermittently throughout this year, with a scene or two in September, then October. 

Due to my exams, though, I couldn’t write as much as I wanted to. That’s why I only really started writing ‘an odyssey’ back in mid-November. The good thing was that I had more time to plan this out, because frankly, this is perhaps the heaviest fic I’ve written in terms of plot so far. 

I can’t for the life of me remember where this story idea planted itself in my head. All I knew was that I like space AUs, I adore Hyunjin and Jisung’s friendship, and I love enemies to lovers. Realising there weren’t any fics out there that combined the three, I knew it was my time to shine. Or something. 

(ii) The Plot

The plot was the trickiest to pull off. I’ve written an urban fantasy here and there, but I’m pretty sure if I reread them thoroughly, I’m bound to find a couple of plot holes. 

There were a lot of elements to cover: the Prophecy. The five gems. The push-pull relationship between Jisung and Hyunjin. The journey to discovering the whereabouts of the last Gemma. The last boss fight with a Governor who could wield the Force. There was!!!! So!!!! Much!!!! Going!!!! On!!!!!

Perhaps if I reread ‘an odyssey’, I might find another plot hole or two; who knows? For now, though, I feel quite contented with this work of mine. Considering it’s my first time writing something as long as this (50K+ are you kidding me?), I feel this is a first step for me to continue expanding my horizons when it comes to writing, to continue to challenge myself to write something different, something bold. Something new.

(iii) The Characters

I rewatched the Two Kids Room and One Kid Room episodes so many times, over and over again. There’s a reason why this story is centred around Jisung and Hyunjin, and why it’s written from Jisung’s perspective.

Their relationship is, after all, something coherently interesting. They really said “enemies to friends but make it irl”. I guess I took that concept and sort of exaggerated the extent of their ‘hate’ for each other, which isn’t exactly hate to begin with. The further you read on, the more you’ll realise that they don’t exactly hate each other — they just got off on the wrong footing, and have never tried turning back to start over once more.

It’s written from Jisung’s perspective because personally, I wanted the story to be told from the eyes of someone who was prideful, who was eager and determined, and who wanted to show his worth to everyone else. I feel like perhaps I didn’t expand on characterising Jisung to the fullest advantage possible, though, which remains a slight regret of mine. 

Another reason why I wanted this to be written from Jisung’s POV is because we can find out how Jisung feels about Hyunjin throughout the story. When he realises whose son Hyunjin is, he’s torn between wanting to pity Hyunjin and keeping things between them the same as they always have. (If I were in his position, though, I don’t know what I would have done lol.) It was hard to try and interpret his emotions, but there’s that.

Someone commented once asking if we’d ever get Hyunjin’s POV. Sadly, one of my biggest turn-offs is the switching of POVs in stories when it’s not entirely necessary haha. As much as I would want to know what Hyunjin is thinking when they’re arguing, or when they’re fighting, I like to keep on the suspension line. It gives you the feeling of immersing yourself as the Jisung in the story, of only seeing things from one perspective. 

As for the other characters, there wasn’t enough time to expand on all of them (for example, I mentioned Seungmin several times throughout the story, but really, he speaks only once haha). And as your fellow StayDay, it was definitely fun for me to include a few members of Day6. (please don’t ask me why I thought of ‘PJ and Honey’ while writing. I was probably hungry.)

I don’t know if I’ll continue to expand on the characters in this same universe, but it would be fun to think of the other relationships, for example Chan and Felix, or Changbin with Minho and Seungmin. (someone please save the seungbinho tag!!!!!!)

As far as characterisation goes, I’ve still got so much to learn. For now, though, I hope you enjoyed the dynamics between the characters and how Jisung and Hyunjin learnt to grow within a span of six chapters.

(iv) The Writing Process

Granted, the writing bit was a little easier in the beginning, but as I delved myself deeper into the story, I found it harder and harder to express the emotions I wanted to deliver in the story. One of the hardest chapters for me to write by far was the last chapter. I wrote two versions of the last chapter, simply because I felt the first version was too lacklustre for the ending of such a long story haha.

I had a clear outline of my story, but I did end up extending it from the initial 5 chapters to 6. For the first time, though, I didn’t add any random elements to the story, unlike how i wrote this story last year haha. The lesson I’ve learnt is that I should ALWAYS have a brief outline of the plot — detailed enough to cover the entire story, but brief enough to give me some creative freedom mid-writing.

The excitement of writing honestly wore off near the last few chapters. I’ve realised the importance of reading unfinished works in this way. Writers really need some form of motivation to keep them writing their chaptered works. So if you’re one of the real ones who started reading this even before it was completed, kudos to you. I really appreciate it.

Overall, writing this was fun. Hopefully I don’t need to do this again though; I absolutely hate writing chaptered fics because of all the time and effort put into them. I’d much rather be a ‘One-Shot Hotshot’ lol.

(v) The End (?)

I left a bit of wondering for the readers in the last chapter. If Atkins was able to wield the Force despite the false pretence that there was no longer any Force-wielders left in the universe, how many more of them could there be? 

That leaves an opening for me if I ever wish to return to this alternate universe sometime in the future. The Universe is ever-expanding, and so is our imagination.

(vi) The Inspiration

Obviously, I need to thank Star Wars. I also need to apologise because I absolutely butchered their universe. Fun fact: there was one huge plot hole I had to cover up halfway through writing. 

If you’re observant, you might remember the scene where Hyunjin asks Jisung why they didn’t just jump into hyperspace to reach Ilsanis. That’s because I was watching an episode of The Mandalorian where the Mando was forced to fly a ship without a hyperdrive engine, and I almost freaked out right there in the middle of the living room realising how weird that would be if I left the issue unattended in my own work (yikes). 

Long story short, I drew elements from the Star Wars universe and created a story of my own. I’ve been asked how I came up with the idea of the Prophecy. Frankly, I don’t know. My brain farts sometimes, I guess. Brain Farts = weird ideas that somehow make sense sometimes.

(vii) Lastly

If you have any more questions you’d like to ask (or plot holes to tell me about *shudders*), do leave me a question in my CC, or holler at me on Twitter (I’m hardly alive here on Tumblr haha). To anyone and everyone who has read ‘an odyssey’, I thank you.

This year has been a funky year, and even worse, it’s the year I had to take my IGCSEs. Writing has always been a way for me to create my own universe and release my tension and emotions, so not being able to write as much as I used to was a little tough. 

Writing will continue to be a medium for me to express my emotions and my thoughts while creating stories of my own, so simply by giving my fics a read, you’ve already fuelled my reason to continue to write. Thank you for all the support in ‘an odyssey’! 

(why did i write this entire monologue like i’m giving a speech at the Oscars or something lol im so dramatic :”))

[spekulative]

starting anew!

hi! if by the odd chance you knew me from my old blog, i realized that i was restricted from carrying out a lot of functions i might want to in the future if i were to grow my blog (it was a sideblog to an old, 2013 blog i had and when i replied to comments or respond to asks it’d be as my primary). so instead i decided to create a new account so that lycho could be my primary blog! since i did have a few posts that i wanted to keep for history sake, this is just going to be a mega post of my past few posts: 

apr 6, 2020 - the beginning

day 1 of my journey with ux!

frankly, i’ve been on this journey for the past two years (ever since discovering it) but i feel as though i haven’t made any real progress. i’ve always claimed i wanted to grow and learn more about the field, yet those goals never showed in my day-to-day actions.

this blog is a collection of my progress on this journey to keep myself accountable. the goal is facebook in a year, baby!

i know it’s super idealistic and quite tough for a second year like me who’s not even in a design program (business, actually). but i still want to try. i want to do something for myself for once.

that is why i am committing 4 hours everyday to honing my craft. whether that is learning about ux through watching youtube tutorials, skillshare course, or reading medium articles, or actually practicing the craft by making redesigns or wireframes, i will dedicate this time strictly to advancing my expertise within the field. and this blog exists to keep up with my every step of the way :)

apr 8, 2020 - website overhaul

today I worked on cleaning up the modularity of my existing website a bit, making use of consistent classes instead of hard-coding like i used to! oh how i love modularity!

small win: making a navbar that breaks out of the standard bounding box of the site’s content --> next goal is to make it a sticky navbar with js!

other than my website, yesterday I finished a skillshare course on user-centred design, albeit short, it was really valuable and it only motivates me to continue learning. I’m starting to realize how much I actually like doing this stuff and think it is something that really clicks and not just something im doing for the looks.

slowly but surely getting the hang of dedicated 4 hour time chunks to my craft - i failed yesterday and the day before (woke up around 9/10 instead of starting at 8:30) but today i did pretty well! took a short 20 min nap inbetween haha but I’m still proud of myself overall :)

it’s been pretty depressing and lonely lately with the quarantine (when the sun is shining so bright, teasing me grr..) but I want to get back into a routine and be productive although i do have my lazy days. it just overall makes me feel better because who knows how long we’ll have to live like this. might as well get used to it.

apr 9, 2020 - website overhaul

hi! so today i wanted to be very candid and share that i feel like i did fail today in terms of the goals i had set out for myself, though I reached 1/2 goals so that’s good! the first was to finish refining my website and publish it (check!), while the other was to finish the financial statements for my business assignment but alas that did not end up happening haha, but i forgive myself for it and know that tomorrow will be a new day!

I actually woke up early today (around 7:30, earlier than usual) and felt awake, yet mentally I just wanted to go back to sleep so I ended up getting up at 9:30. I then regretted it and beat myself up for it briefly for doing that, but I realized that I should let myself off in these strange times we’re all living in right now.

so, i think i really am going to get serious about my design journey! my only concern is that i feel like im stretching myself too thin - i have a full time design internship offer for this summer for a startup, as well as 2 leadership positions on clubs where I lead/work on the branding and design, but also at the same time I”m always at home so not sure what is reasonable and what is not. Because when I’m not doing that, I want to be self-learning, but I recently a discovered a mentorship program where I could be mentored by a startup founder to help scale her business, but again I feel like I’m stretching myself thin. though it’s a really good opportunity.

anywho, updates on my website like this post was supposed to be about is that i finally published it again after not liking how it looked before, and i think this revamp is a lot cleaner! proud of it. i try not to reveal many of my personal details on here bc i’m not sure who would actually be reading it, but this blog is just a way for me to track, myself, how i’m doing and to keep myself accountable :) i just didn’t want to set it to private cause it’s a hassle for me to always enter the password if i want to look at my blog.

lastly, i want to start consistently workout - and in the long term actually start a real blog where I write about my experiences, in actual coherent sentences! amazing. creative-wise i really want to start learning 3d illustration and blender, even though i’m an aspiring product designer but i just love 3d and motion, so idk might be stretching myself too thin again but i feel like I need to stretch my creative muscles this way and push myself as a creator. also starting the daily ui challenge again tomorrow after giving up a few months ago - haha!

let’s see how this one pans out :)

apr 10, 2020 - learning + starting anew

today i started two new things !!

restarted daily ui challenge after quitting a week in last year

started to learn blender ! !

i still feel like i failed today because i mostly sat around doing nothing OTHER than design, which just affirms to me that im truly passionate about this stuff for only having motivation to do it (or just a strong will against my homework for uni still....either way im taking it)

although i’m not that great at blender yet and felt frustrated during the process, when i got the end result i realized i like how it turned out despite it not being perfect, and it’s inspiration for me to keep learning and expanding on my skills :)

same with daily ui - i found that my approach this time compared when i literally knew NOTHING about ux was very different.

for example, something I already notice I'm doing differently from the last time is focusing less on decoration and more on practicality, actually naming/grouping layers and leveraging design systems, and injecting personality to make the experience delightful. I'm also limiting myself to two hours now (though this one took about an hour) so I have more time to do some research, sketch and wireframe before styling.

looking forward to a better day tomorrow! i might do a little less design (maybe just a daily ui shot) so i can focus on actually tackling the report i’m supposed to finish as well as study for an upcoming exam, so we will see! feeling good :))

[lovestrucklaundry]

i really like this blog and like wanna add points to some of your posts but im a fictive and like, dont wanna attract attention so if i started a conversation on one of your posts about symbiotes with my heavily biased "headcanons" as a response to yours you wouldnt like start drama or make fun of me right? or like pull some shit like "haha you kinnie,,, cringe" -local nervous venom symbiote fictive

i'm glad you like it! and i ended up blabbering way too much with this reply (that i'm going to leave under the cut instead of just shortening it up because i'm often afraid i'll be misunderstood if i don't over-explain myself oops) but tl;dr: i don't mind anyone, fictive or not, adding to my posts. i may reply to the additions, but i'm never looking to start drama even if i disagree with someone.

i don't mind anyone adding their own thoughts to my posts. it's actually really helpful many times tbh, with how people can word things i wanted to say better than i could, or how they can add insights i wouldn't have thought of (whether i agree with them or not, seeing other people's perspectives can help me better develop my own). 

i'm also by no means an authority figure and many times i myself have no idea what i'm talking about (i think i can seem a little too self assured at times but know that i'm pretty much always confused and nothing i think atm is a universal truth or even set in stone to just myself. and though i CAN be quite stubborn at times i try to be as openminded as possible)

when people add to my posts it's very likely i see it. if i don't reply to someone it's usually because i think there's not a discussion to be had regarding their addition (i.e. i have nothing interesting to add to what they said), or it's because more than one person has said essentially the same thing (and so i only reply to one of them). there are also times where i really just didn't see what someone said or, more embarrassingly, i didn't understand what they said. and in either of those cases when i do come to see/understand their reply it usually feels too late to say anything...

and when i do reply to an addition it's usually like:

someone added something i forgot to mention or worded poorly in the op (which is usually just me going "yes!!! exactly!!!!")

they added something i never thought of but i agree with (or at least can derive something that makes sense to me from it)

they added something i disagree with but was interesting to note (and with replies like these i don't really look to change anyone's minds, though it might come across as that. it's usually just to further expand on what i think, building off of how it diverges from the person's addition, while also acknowledging theirs is another possible interpretation with different outcomes than mine, without discrediting either)

they corrected me (which usually comes with an embarrassed explanation of where i was coming from. and it mostly goes like "i realize now that i was wrong but i posted that because..." or "i understand that and i wasn't disagreeing with/talking about that. i just worded my op poorly because..."). and i love when people correct me because i do need a reality check many times. but also i'm aware that i'm the worst when i'm being corrected just because i tend to be quite stubborn and i have a hard time admitting i was wrong. which doesn't mean i won't ever admit i was wrong! just means i'm probably gonna be unnecessarily defensive when i do it (in a way i know will make me cringe when i look back at it later but i can't help myself in that moment)

(there may be more but i'm pretty sure these are at least the most common of "my replies to additions to my op")

and with all of this i essentially just mean to say that i don't really care what people interpret or imagine from canon in the sense that i think most things are possible as long as you're coherent about it (so there's not much of an absolute "wrong" or "right" imo, even if you're going against some specific canonically stated thing. also because even canon contradicts itself at times so who cares really? lol) and that when i reply to people i don't ever mean to discredit them even if i disagree (unless they are coming up with baseless "facts" and claiming them as canon. but even then it's more so a case of "you are free to believe what you want, but you can't claim that's in the text because it's not" than it is about "you are absolutely wrong and what you're saying would be impossible in any scenario")

and i think i could never be involved in fandom drama just because i find it a little silly tbh (at least with the things i post and interact with). like i get it when it happens if someone is particularly problematique but if it's just about like personal interpretations of a movie/comic/whatever it seems pointless so i wouldn't really engage in or start any drama like that. like i think i might have posts that sound like starting drama (maybe with things like "if you think X then you are stupid"?) but that's just how i make jokes sometimes unfortunately lol (that is to say, posts like that aren't directed at any specific person and aren't meant to be taken seriously at all. most of the times when i'm being mean it's just because i think being mean is funny but i don't actually intend on insulting anyone)

and re: kinnies like... i'm not one and i won't say i even understand what any of it is about but like afaik it's about identifying with characters, right? which i guess could mean to some people that fictives are "inherently more biased" because their interpretations come from a more personal place of deeply identifying with a character and not from "an objective reader's perspective" or whatever. but tbh i think everyone has some bias from personal rl experiences and even from identifying with characters/situations (even if not on a kin-level necessarily). so like i wouldn't discredit someone or think they are stupid or "too biased" just for being kin with a character because i think everyone is biased in some way or another, it's just that kinnies are more outright about their own bias lol

also: if i ever come across as rude or dismissive or anything like that, please let me know! it's most likely not my intention at all and it's probably just a case of me using words poorly or me making a dumb joke, but in any case you can let me to know so i can clear up misunderstandings and learn from my mistakes. 

[literaphobe]

hello it is the “FUCK I LOVE STURCH” anon and i can assure you i am calmer and more coherent now. first, i want to say that i’m only about halfway through (though it’s not likely my opinion of it will change) and it’s quite possibly the funniest fix i’ve ever read. your little header things are amazing and original and i love them with all my heart. you don’t have to reply to this or anything, but hopefully it’ll cancel out the twitter negativity.

uwu honestly i love calm n crazy sturch love n im glad ur liking it n thank u for finding it funny 🥰🥰 i loved writing all those little headers too n i really do hope you have fun reading the rest of it!

the thing about sturch and all the hate y’all might have seen circulating around it be it through anon hate i post right here or what I’ve put up or on any other platform is that no matter how nasty anyone has been or how ridiculous some of the hate has been ive def like. internalized it? like ive def tried to analyze what was so wrong, and ive def broken down why people hate x n what doesn’t work for some people n what works for others, ive also considered the actual length of the story n many other factors! I’ve thought about why i loved sturch n what it meant for me too. ive considered the timeline during which i started n finished writing sturch. it stretched over shy of two years, and as a teenager that was a long time n a lot of development for me. no matter what people say about sturch i think i’ll always love and appreciate what it gave me, n what it brought into my life. sturch is me, as a person. it’s the drama club, it’s theatre that I’ve done for a decade, it’s partly inspired by my own experiences. it’s stuff from my mind, stuff that’s made me laugh, it’s love, it’s all the insecurities and stumbling blocks that people of the age range i depicted jake and amy could experience! it’s self doubt and trauma and deep seated issues and the feeling that you aren’t good enough for someone you love. it’s also stupid trivial things that snowballed into things that don’t need to snowball. it’s probably also a lot of other things. the jake and amy in sturch aren’t the jake and amy of b99. the jake and amy of b99 are adults well into their thirties, and of course they have some of the same trauma and insecurities n self doubt that jake and amy have in sturch, but they’ve had more time to deal with it, they’ve had more time to mature, and they definitely have more life experience. they have less reasons to run, etc etc. and that’s why sturch isn’t just about jake and amy falling in love confessing their feelings and living happily ever after. they fell in love, got in the way of themselves, hurt themselves, hurt each other, but then they figure it out. they heal, they learn, they decide to find out what they can take on together. some people might find it toxic or problematic but it’s human to do toxic/problematic things! really all it’s about is how we get back up n fix what we do. not to act like sturch is deep but that’s just what i think!! it may not be for everyone but it is what it is! and i think having this line of thought helps bc ive had thoughts about reading over sturch n changing things, and aside from whatever punctuation inconsistencies n typos i def made that I would still correct if i can someday i think i just want to leave what ive created as it is. unless im converting it into a real book or for tv/movie or whatever lmaofkskdksjd

anyway, ive not always been v open about this but sturch started in a really fucking horrible point in my life, my parents cut off all my internet n wouldn’t let me do anything for several years if im being honest, and 2017 was a year where they were stalking my accounts on the internet n catching me at every turn n tracking whatever i was doing. i lost my privacy, they’ve seen some of my fics, they’ve seen COMMENTS on sturch and once really fucking fucked me up over sth they saw that they found inappropriate n i had to explain through tears that it was a reference to a joke in the fic and... yeah. anyway if uve been through the long sturch hiatus i took its bc i was too scared to post sturch, but i was still writing it. writing it was hell but also comforting? my parents kept my phone in their room but when they left sometimes i would run in and type out whatever i wanted to write for sturch. i was allowed to bring my phone to school n although everything there was blocked i still had my notes app n i remember writing whenever i could, i would walk around supermarkets n the mall writing, delaying when i had to go home bc that meant goodbye phone n hello scary stressful abusive home environment (and also studying). writing sturch was p much one of my only outlets when in 2017 when i was taking the a levels. even after a level exams i would still write sturch after the exam ended provided i actually had sth in my head n wasn’t too drained. so yeah! sturch comforted me through some really dark times, it was also neglected by me through some somewhat decent times. it made me laugh it made me happy it made me sad n it was one of the best things ive done in writing and it expanded my world!! i hope sturch did sth for y’all, even those who grew to hate n resent it. above all, i love sturch, and i hope y’all did too :)

[macdnalds]

hey everyone!!! it’s so lovely to meet y’all & i’m really excited to be here! this is going to be a bit of a mess i’m sorry but i’ll try keep it concise ( or, at least, coherent ) ! i’m jane, i live in new zealand and we’re currently in nzdt ( gmt +13 ) but usually it’s just +12. i’m twenty, turning twenty-one in a few weeks ( december nineteen!! so close to christmas yikes ) aaaand just finished my b.a.? except i might be doing honours next year so we’ll see! anyway this is miss mary mac and she’s... a mess lmao. a disaster. i love her, but, A Mess™

( CHLOE BENNET, SHE/HER ) — MARY MACDONALD? oh, you mean the TWENTY-ONE year old MUGGLEBORN. they’re working as a BARTENDER now, aren’t they ? I’ve heard they’re really LOYAL, but i know for a fact that they can be RECKLESS at times. No wonder they’ve decided to SIDE WITH THE ORDER.

this is a ramble but i have an about for mary which sort of covers some of her general stuff + some specific things about her at hogwarts and it is here ( if you would like to read that, i would maybe read this first bc that stuff is more detailed so this might be a better initial overview? )

i’ll try to do some quick points here though to both expand on that + be a more concise guide

mary’s welsh! from a lil seaside town called rhyl. she can speak welsh but she doesn’t often have much occasion to, but if your character knows any welsh at all... hit her up. she’ll be delighted + it’s a GREAT language to make secret plots in and talk about things in front of people w/o them knowing bc it’s not so common

she’s a muggleborn & people who were at school w her ( not all, but some ) will probably remember an Incident™ involving mulciber and either dark magic or a harmless prank, depending on what side you fall on ( honestly probably somewhere in between — a sadistic prank which utilised dark magic which is still Terrible ), because lbr hogwarts is dreadful at keeping secrets so i imagine at least most of her year group heard at least something about it, if not specifics, and also probably some gryffindors and slytherins in other houses

( sidenote but pranks at hogwarts are fucking dark, at least during marauders’ era, damn )

mary is a reactive creature which is Not Good for her bc she combines that with some pretty poor emotional processing skills ( she’s good with other people’s emotions, generally; it’s just hers that she’s useless with ) and that leads to.... Poor Coping Mechanisms, though they can be hard to pin down

mostly she just became ?? more ?? she’s always been impulsive and had trouble with authority, but following that incident, she became even more recalcitrant and volatile and it’s just ?? it’s noticeable ( though it’s been a few years since the shift occurred and hasn’t reversed and doesn’t look like it will ) but hard to define because she’s always had those traits, now they’re just magnified

stubborn and unflinching and loyal and her patronus is a wolfhound but one of her friends used to joke that maybe it should have been a mule and honestly ?? rude but probably not fake

she’s a bit too unflinching when it comes to death eaters and stuff because she’s sorta like... well i mean they already tried dark magic, what else are they gonna do ?? which is... a bad survival instinct but she’s never claimed that was her strength

too compassionate and empathetic. it’s a real problem. messes with her head a lot bc she still doesn’t really believe anyone isn’t worth saving and she’s so mad about that bc she really feels like she should have been able to learn from what happened at school and write people off and she just... can’t? it’s not that she doesn’t think death eaters are the worst — she totally does and she’s not particularly shy about it — but rather that it still doesn’t mean she’d be okay with leaving them in a burning building. she would try to save pretty much anyone ( definitely a stranger because she doesn’t know them and can’t judge them, though definitely not voldemort because genocidal maniac ) tbf. though, jury’s out as to whether that would hold if someone she held dear to her heart was killed

loooooves rock and punk music. wizarding or muggle, she’s super into it. she likes music in general, and grabbing a friend and dancing around the room or something, but rock and punk are her favourites

allergic to cherries but a whiz at mixology and cooking breakfast foods. french toast is her four am comfort food. she also believes in mixology being about instinct and stuff, so if you’ve explicitly said so or she reckons you’d be down for it, she may be a little instinctive with the mix of your drink, but she’s usually pretty good at getting it down

she’s fast, both reflex-wise and physically ( she was also a very fast flier — chaser at hogwarts, and notable mostly for her immense speed and her willingness to push the limits beyond what was reasonable and be reckless with her safety in order to make the play; with speed like hers, she probably should have been a seeker, but she’s always worked better with people around her, so chaser was the best position ), and given that she’s useless with healing magic, it’d be v smart if she would use that speed to run away from dangerous situations but, alas, running away has never been a strength of hers

she just !!! she cares so much !!! and she makes so many bad decisions and her preferred way of handling problems is to avoid them and she’s always down for a laugh and a drink but she’s also a pretty good listener and she loves the banter and can absolutely be snarky and irreverent but she just cares so much and she’s not very good at expressing that in any way other than laughing affection and sidestepping any discussions about her own feelings but do not be fooled !! she cares !! it’s why she’s in this fight — not because it pertains to her, although it absolutely does, but because it pertains to her friends. she’s never been any good at letting someone go in alone

she also really likes comics from when she was a kid growing up ( escapism in your own reality, i guess, though it eventually turned out that she had magic which was the ultimate escapism and, more importantly, it was real ) and still references superheroes sometimes and her biggest regrets in life are that she currently owns neither a dog nor a motorcycle but at least she has a tattoo of a dragon on her ankle. she likes dragons and comc in general. she spent way too much time in detention at school but it didn’t even feel like a punishment when it involved work with the groundskeeping or comc. ( cleaning, however, was another matter. )

ANYWAY i’m not sure how coherent or helpful that was but there’s my lil mac! she goes by mary, mac, pretty much any nickname that’s understandably hers and not offensive is fair game tbh. please feel free to IM me if you wanna plot or like this post and i’ll come to you!!! x