#i mean why the fuck would you post max content if you hate him

[fcb-mv33]

What bothers me about the whole "Max needs Daniel to make him look good/nice/funny" narrative is that you can tell it's circulated by solely Daniel fans who don't care about or acknowledge Max at all when he's not an extension to Daniel. (I remember when the Daniel 3rd driver thing was announced, a Daniel fan I follow who has never positively acknowledged Max's existence posted a whole disclaimer to blacklist Maxiel if seeing Max's face triggered anyone because she would be posting Maxiel content now …. like miss girl, what?)

Also people who pay attention to Max outside of a solely shipping context and what Sky and media says about him would know he's been a good, loving, caring, nice, and funny person with or without Daniel as his teammate. Look at the way he celebrates with the whole team after successes. There's also tons of wholesome moments with individual team members, like GP and Christian. Look at the way he encourages some of the other drivers on the grid, such as the way he complimented Charles' driving last year or even his recent comments about drivers like George or Lando being capable of fighting for wins if provided with the right cars. Look at the way he defended his sister and nephew against f1 fan hate, or himself and Lando against harmful DTS narratives. Look at the way he cares so much about children, from spending time with his nephews or Baby P to getting down on younger fans' levels to talk to them when they approach him. There's TONS of examples of him being funny with drivers on the grid or people associated with f1, such as GP or Alex or Yuki or Lando or Elly. He has a quieter, more sarcastic sense of humor a lot of times compared to Daniel's loud, rambunctious kind - but that doesn't make him "not funny."

I don't know, hearing people say he's unlikable without Daniel around is always a huge red flag for me because Max has always been likable. He isn't acting noticeably different just because Daniel is around now, those fans are just now realizing he's a normal guy and not this monster media paints him to be because they only care about Daniel, so now that Daniel's around again, suddenly Max exists to them again.

Anyone who posts max content with their favorite driver but posts tw:Max is a fucking weirdo like Jesus Christ he hasn’t killed someone.

But I agree with all your points. Max is a naturally funny, blunt character and he has never needed Daniel to give him that he’s always been like that. He is literally friends with the majority of the grid, none of them have a bad word to say about him and whenever you see Max with another driver chances are he is maxsplaining or laughing with them. He has never needed Daniel to fix or change anything about him. He defends people he loves and that’s something special about him. You didn’t see another driver calling out the portrayal of himself or Lando to benefit others but Max was always there really to defend.

Honestly I keep saying it but if people looked outside the narrative the English media created around Max they would see what we see and if they don’t they shouldn’t post Max content or have the nerve to comment on his personality it’s that’s simple.

[racew1nn3rs]

─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘷. (𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴) 🐅

⤷ summary: spain and canada. lando's rizz is negative, mission is failed. plus, mclaren pr is about to fuck shit up 🗣️

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liked by ynusername, zbrownceo, and 42,908 others

mclaren spain you were forgettable at best 😔 on to the next one

18,980 others

user1 y/n don't insult your team on the team account challenge

mclaren is it really an insult if it's true

user2 we got a lando photo but at what cost

user3 lando fans can never win here

mclaren why you would ever choose to be a lando fan to begin with is beyond me

user2 you're so right queen i'm sorry

landonorris DON'T APOLOGIZE WTF

user2 fuck both of y'all honestly

user4 at least mclaren fans can always count on content, even if we can't expect results 😭

user5 lando and y/n in their friendship era, how the fuck did we get here

landonorris you're posting me now? oh you want me so bad 🥴

mclaren sending this to hr immediately

ynusername YOU'RE FIREEEDDDDDDD

user6 damn she logged into both accounts just to make sure he heard her ass 💀 double homicide

user7 oscar fans i can't even tell if we won or lost

user8 we didn't get a face pic but... we didn't get whatever the fuck the 3rd slide is

landonorris guys pLEASE

landonorris i won't post it she says... it's just for me she says

user9 LMAOOOO AND YOU BELIEVED HER???? 🤣 🫵

landonorris going dark, no one call me

user9 was anyone going to anyways 💀

user10 LET HIM GET UPPPP

oscarpiastri i'll pay you 20 dollars if you don't ever do this to me

mclaren 🤝

mclaren i mean you were never the target but now you will be if i don't get my money!!!!

oscarpiastri oh ok

lilyzneimer i have pictures you can you use if you need bb <3

oscarpiastri WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON

zbrownceo Very funny Y/n! Keep up the good work 👍

mclaren Thanks boss! (:

landonorris ZAK WHY

user11 zak is so supportive now, wait until he sees her comments 💀

zbrownceo I have seen her comments! Very funny! 👍

user11 blink twice zak, we can help you

maxverstappen1 This is the highlight of my week, thank you Y/n!

mclaren hey max verstappen of redbull racing! not sure if you heard but you did win the grand prix this weekend

maxverstappen1 No i know, this is just definitely better.

ynusername where's my photo credits 🫵

mclaren my bad bbg 😍

user12 nurse she got out again

oscarpiastri we'll win next time!!

mclaren who told you that 🤨

oscarpiastri the voices in my head

logansargeant you hold on bro, we'll find your meds soon

user13 i think moto moto likes you ahh image

user14 i need to shrink him and put him in my pocket and keep him there

user15 which one?

user14 lando

landonorris nuh uh, pick again

maxfewtrell you can't post pictures without consent mate

mclaren i didn't??

landonorris i didn't consent.

mclaren who are you gonna believe max? me? or the solid concrete evidence in front of you

user16 he looks like he can do some crazy tricks on a trampoline

landonorris this is the only comment about myself that hasnt made me viscerally angry

oscarpiastri unfortunately i feel the opposite

user17 lany/n at it again

user18 literally what the fuck do you mean

user17 if you dont get it, i can't explain it to you

user18 okay cryptic ass, fuck you 🙄

user19 they're in love guys, just wait and see

user20 yall just love saying stupid shit on this page huh

user19 i hate getting accused of some shit i actually do 😡 like yeah i do love that but who told you

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user20 op be so fr right now

user21 everytime one of these illiterate f1 drivers pulls one of the hottest women on earth a fairty dies

user21 *fairy

user22 fairty

user21 you shut the fuck up 🫵

user23 people when coworkers are seen together at their place of work

user24 do you hug your coworkers and follow them like a lost puppy when you could be on a break

user23 wtf no

user24 EXACTLY MF, THIS IS NOT COWORKERS BEING COWORKERS

user25 history will say they were just colleagues 😔

opeightywon this shit is a national tragedy

user26 every time i see a post like this i think about the fact that she has probably seen this and i shiver

user27 honestly praying on their downfall

opeightywon wtf

user28 lando fans be normal challenge

user27 idgaf about that white man, she's just too hot for him 😕

opeightywon oh yeah real

user29 i need another youtube video where they stare at each other longingly again asap or i fear i may start having withdrawal symptoms

user30 another hot girl lost to an average white man's swagless looks and cringe fail personality i feel sick

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liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer, and 44,786 others

mclaren not our best results in canada but we improved i guess 🙄 but on a much better, more exciting note: NEW MCLAREN YOUTUBE CHALLENGE OUT GO GO GO GO

17,998 comments

user31 my crops are watered, my skin is clear, my funds are tripled

mclaren all me 😮‍💨

user32 "yay challenge video" we all cry in unison

user33 OSCAR FANS IS IT REAL??? HAS IT COME TRUE??? IS THAT A FACE PIC I SEE

user34 and it's good quality too 🤩 what did we do to deserve this

mclaren you don't, but oscar bought me coffee all weekend

oscarpiastri yes i bribed her, i feel no shame

user35 lando's back in the dog house bro, he's back to no face pics

user36 but look at his beautiful brown eyes

mclaren babe they're greenish blue with the TINIEST bit of brown 💀

user37 how long you gotta stare at a man's eyes to know the exact paint blend 🫵

user38 DOWN HORRENDOUSSSSSS

lilyzneimer insert comical heart eyes here

mclaren flirting with your man 🤢 on MY cellular device

lilyzneimer my bad bb, he doesn't mean anything to me anyways 🥴

oscarpiastri ok what the fuck

danielricciardo DROP THE CAMERA SETTINGS AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

mclaren check dms 🤲

danielricciardo thanks love you're the best

landonorris LOVE??? LMAOOOO

user39 bro is losing the dgaf war MISERABLY

user40 the way lando is staring at her the whole time she's behind the camera 😫 oh he's not even down bad, bro's down under

landonorris can i get the camera settings

mclaren has anyone ever told you how good you are at photography?? i'm not saying that, i'm just asking 😀

landonorris oKAY fuck you.

user41 the way she doesn't even pretend to care about the results

landonorris i know 🙄

mclaren i know p13 is nawttt talking back to me right now

user41 OHHH SHE ATE YOU UP HUH

landonorris y'all are some fake ass fans fr

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8:57 PM.

Y/n stared at the flashing numbers on the digital clock in the boardroom and huffed quietly. The table in front of her was covered in a mix of shredded mozzarella cheese and vibrant, red pizza sauce. Flour with evidence of handprints and bits of pizza dough decorated the wood and the woman internally sighed at the thought of clean up. Eventually she would have to get back to work.

Lando was on his phone across the table from her, and she fought the urge to stare at him. Oscar had left a while ago, having an earlier flight than them out of Canada. Lando and her had made the executive decision to stay and finish the pizza the two men had made during the "not my hands" YouTube challenge. It was messy, and didn't fully resemble a proper pizza, but it tasted good enough if not a little bit burnt. The two had been sitting in a comfortable silence for the time being while they ate.

In the time Y/n had gotten to know the British man, both on and off the track, she found herself warming up to him considerably. He was kinder than she gave him credit for at the beginning of the season, and far funnier. She could see now that more often than not he spoke without thinking or having any consideration, and maybe he was more than a little bit arrogant, but he also felt things deeply and cared passionately.

Before she could think about what she was doing, Lando's eyes met hers and he smirked. Y/n's face burned but she rolled her eyes at him and took another bite of their burnt pizza. Her ears caught the sound of him placing his phone on the table, and when she looked up again he was leaning his body across the table and toward her instead.

"What are you staring at? Hm?" He teased and she scoffed.

"You," she started and took another bite of her pizza, "have pizza sauce all over your face, you idiot. And I'm just thinking, not sure if you're familiar with the concept." He grabbed a napkin quickly and began wiping rapidly at his chin and mouth, and even his nose. She couldn't help but laugh loudly. There was nothing on his face. He was perfect actually. Unfortunately.

"Did I get it? Why didn't you tell me sooner, traitor!" She doubled over but nodded anyways.

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned as he settled back down.

"Just the season, you and Oscar," she muttered.

"Me? Thinking of little ol' me when I'm right here in front of you," she rolled her eyes with a groan.

"You have selective hearing Lando," he laughed and nodded.

"Well what have you thought about it? The season I mean. And myself of course, don't care much what you think about Osc," he leaned on his hand and stared at her intently. Y/n couldn't help that being stared at by Lando felt a little bit like being ocean, being pulled and pushed by the moon's gravity. Her brain didn't work properly around him.

Or maybe I'm just really dramatic and he's just hot, she thought miserably, Probably the latter.

"I just think maybe you and me got off on the wrong foot," she said as she fumbled with the lid of her water bottle, "and I think that maybe I enjoy this job a lot more than I thought I would." The comments seemed to sober Lando's mood up slightly.

Maybe I shouldn't have been truthful. Maybe it shouldn't have been that serious.

"What did you think of me?" He asked quietly. "When you met me I mean."

"Do you want me to be honest?" He looked at her quizzically.

"Of course I want you to be honest Y/n, or I wouldn't have asked."

"I thought you were kind of an asshole," she whispered and he laughed.

"So the beef was real for you," he smiled slightly and she let her face fall gently into her hands.

"Yeah," she breathed out a laugh, "yeah maybe a little."

"Doesn't seem like a little," he goaded and she shot him a glare.

"Okay Lord Lando, maybe more than a little," he pointed at her triumphantly.

"AHA! So it was the instagram comment. I thought you knew I was kidding," A loud groan filled the room as she smacked her head on the table. Lando's giggling could probably be heard down the hall but Y/n found she didn't care all that much anymore.

"It wasn't just the instagram comment," she defended weakly. There was a brief silence as Lando stared into space and shook his head.

"Wow... I can't believe you were actually mad at me and I just didn't know."

"It wasn't that big of a deal I guess, I just felt like you didn't really take me seriously."

"Well I mean you're not a very serious person," Y/n's heart fell to her stomach.

"What?" She asked, staring at him. She couldn't have heard him right.

"Well it's just that you're not very serious are you? Like since I met you, it's never felt like you were a serious sort of person." He added as if that was some sort of defense.

As if that isn't more hurtful.

"You're not like Zak or Andrea, or really anyone else here you know? You're just you, you're different. It was hard to be serious with you here because that's just who you are." He continued.

God just shut up, please for the love of God just shut up.

"This is my place of work Lando," she muttered bitterly. "I mean do you hear yourself." His eyes widened and he put his hands out placatingly. Like she was some sort of rabid animal he needed to calm down.

"No no no," he muttered quickly and stood up to round the table, "that's not what I meant Y/n, you know that."

"Stop Lando, just stop," she said as she began to clear off the table.

Why did she expect him to be different. What made her think he could've changed.

"You made it perfectly clear what you mean. What you think of me and of my work, my career" she spit out, swiping everything on the table into the trash. They hadn't finished eating the pizza and now it was in the bin, but Lando didn't deserve to eat the pizza she helped him make. He didn't deserve to be here at all. He wasn't her friend, he was her coworker and nothing else. It was better she accept that now.

"You misunderstood what I said," he grabbed her arm to stop her from cleaning and she whipped it out of his grasp.

"Stop Lando," she said raising her voice. She knew her eyes were teary but she didn't care. She knew her face was red with embarrassment and her hands were shaking with the force of her humiliation but she didn't care. Lando Norris could go fuck himself.

He looked at her in shock and winced as he saw her face. She steeled herself. She had never cried over a man before, why would she do it now.

"You need to leave, you have a flight in the morning," she said emotionlessly. "And I have to clean so I can go home." He tried to speak and she put her hand up, stepping away from him.

"Get out please, you're in my way," she said and his brows scrunched. He was angry? Good, so was she.

"I'm in your way?" He asked incredulously, as if she didn't have any reason to be upset. "You're not even going to hear me out?" He scoffed.

"No Lando, I don't have time for this. I have a job to do and you're in my way," she said emphasizing the words as if speaking to a child. His face fell. He looked angry.

"Whatever Y/n. What fucking ever," he muttered, grabbing his bag and storming out. Y/n waited. Footsteps in the hallways continued until a far off door slammed.

Y/n wilted like an unwatered plant as tears began to fall.

So much for friends.

She knew deep down she was hurt about much more than just friendship.

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this is the second to last chapter of part one! i hope you enjoy! please feel free to comment and send requests, i'm excited to hear your thoughts <3

-

𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666

[jeanboyjean]

and i - ft. jean kirstein

summary: jean (successfully) tries to make you feel better after a recent breakup

content: friends to lovers, fluff, good vibes, jean brainrot to the max, modern au, college au

a/n: for @honeybleed 90s/00s rnb event!! <3 jean fluff hehehe bc i can't get him out of my brain and he is THE comfort character. inspired by and i - ciara. i love this song big time ♡ laughed so hard watching the music video when she brought out the horse lmaooo 🤔 for my fellow jean girlies!!!

1.2k words

"ugh, i hate him," you grumble, sinking into the couch with a heavy sigh.

jean glances at you, concern etched on his face. "what now?" he asks, taking a seat beside you.

crossing your arms, you slump into the cushions. "he just posted a picture of him with that girl. what a fucking asshole."

jean clicks his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval. "why are you still on his profile? you need to forget about him."

with a frustrated sigh, you shut off your phone. it’s been a few weeks since you ended things with your ex, a decision long overdue. the relationship had lost what little spark had been there in the first place, dragging on for as long as the two of you would let it. the final straw had been when you had found the sexts he had sent to a girl in one of his classes. it stings and it sucks but more than anything, your pride is wounded. the sadistic part of you can’t resist the urge to keep tabs on him and wallow in resentment.

"i have forgotten about him," you say defiantly. "he's just unfortunately like the gum stuck on the bottom of my shoe."

jean lets out a low chuckle. his hands fall to his thighs as he pushes up off the couch. "okay, you know what. let's go for a drive."

curiosity flickers in your eyes as you look up at him, wondering where this is going. 

"come on, let's go," he urges, reaching forward to grab your hand. you let him pull you to your feet.

"alright, fine. but you're shouting me coffee," you tell him with a roll of your eyes, a small smile winning over.

"always," he winks in return with a mischievous lift to his lips.

the music blares as you drive, jean tapping his fingers along to the beat. you hum along, watching the scenery pass by with your window down, letting the cool air blow away your tension. the recent events start to fade away and your mind wanders back to your first break up a couple years ago during your first year of university. jean had been there then too, holding you as you had cried and simmered, until you were ready to put yourself back together. 

he had refused to let you mope around, forcing you to go out with him to movies and parties and bars. he had been the one to listen to your problems as you poured your heart out, making his shoulders your personal dumping ground. jean had been there for you through it all.

you deserve someone who loves all of you. the words he had said to you back then, ring clear in your mind. 

there has always been an underlying tension between you two, a quiet undercurrent that flows beneath the surface of your friendship. from the moment you first saw him, standing across the room at a party in first year, his presence has captured your attention drawing you to him like a magnet. you had become fast friends, sharing everything together from your classes, to your interests, to your deepest darkest secrets.

part of you wonders if he’s ever felt the same way. sometimes you wonder what it would be like if you had found the courage to tell him your feelings, but now you’re in too deep, the confines of your friendship too strong. all this time, you’re pining after him while trying to fill the void with other people, only to be crushed over and over. dreams of making a move dance in your mind, but the fear of jeopardising your friendship holds you back. you’re happy this way, if only because it means you can have him in your life. you’ve sealed these thoughts away in your heart and thrown away the key. 

jean's hand lifts from the steering wheel to turn down the music. "what are you thinking about?" he asks.

you cross your arms to hug yourself. "why is it so hard to find someone? am I just destined to be forever alone?"

he flicks your knee teasingly. "maybe you're looking in the wrong places." he turns his head briefly to meet your eyes. “plus, how can you be forever alone when you have me."

you roll your eyes and poke his shoulder before turning away. “yeah, and where should I be looking then?”

he pulls into the car park in front of your favourite coffee shop, shutting off the car and turning to you. he stills for a moment and takes a deep breath, letting it sit for a moment before releasing. a hand pulls through his hair, coming to rest on the back of his neck. "why not me?" he asks, turning to face you.

your eyes narrow at his words. "don't play around, jean."

"nah, I'm serious," he says. there's a hint of uncertainty in his voice but his gaze is unwavering. "you know I would do anything for you." 

you freeze, chest tightening, feeling the air being sucked out of the car. you hear his words but they don't register, refusing to sink in. the sincerity in his words hang in the air, and for a moment, time seems to stand still. in the quiet, jean's confession lingers like a promise. you want to believe him, to let go of the fear that consumes you but you can't help but hold back.

you shake your head, uncertain of the implications. you’ve both said things like this to each other before, never ones to hold back on sentiment, but something about them today carry a weight you can’t ignore.

"but aren't we friends? i don't want to ruin what we have."

he reaches for your hand across the centre console, his fingers intertwining with yours. his thumb brushes against your skin, sending tingles up your arm. “i would never let anything ruin what we have,”  he says, his eyes never leaving yours, gaze tender but firm. “i've wanted to say this for a long time."

with his free hand, he cups your cheek and leans in, brushing your hair aside. "i could have everything in the world, but I would sacrifice it all for you. stop wasting your time with these losers.” 

your heart pounds, breath catching in your throat. slowly, you allow yourself to acknowledge the feelings that have lingered beneath the surface. "jean..." you whisper, the sound barely escaping your lips.

"please. let me show you."

his lips meet yours, and for a moment, you forget about everything else. the world disappears, leaving only the two of you. it feels like a dream as he pulls you in, your chest flush against his. your fingers comb through his hair, your heart thumping in your chest.

everything about him overwhelms you. his scent, the way his hair feels between your fingers. and the softness of his lips, gentle and warm against your own. 

his hands slide from where they’re tangled in your own hair down to hold your arms, squeezing lightly. he pulls back, his eyes searching yours. the moment hangs in the air, the intensity heavy between you.

"are you okay with this?" he asks, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear.

you nod. a smile stretches across your cheeks as you look up at jean, whose expression mirrors yours. 

it’s more than okay. it’s everything.

you let yourself fall into the moment, unlocking the key to your heart, letting yourself want him. hope flickers in you, anticipation for what this could mean. you finally reach for the love that has always wanted to reveal itself. and this time, it feels real. 

[silvvermst]

love your warren fics so much 🤧 🤧🤧, I dislike that the writers write warren was done dirty (I get angry when my favourite characters was done dirty by the writers). I am curious about about your thoughts of how the game handle warren? do you like it or there are some stuffs you would like to change?

I hope that you don't mind me that my selfship blog sending a ask to you 🙏🙏

ok, so to start off i loveeee warren's character overall (do not even fucking mention the "stalker" ordeal that the haters speculated becus if we start rn, i might actually be his personal defense attorney, right here, right now). but yes, going back to his character he is not entirely perfect, he had some flaws as well as other characters in the game. his idea of showing his affection could come off as too much (or from other players' gameplay, it could be creepy) is one of the flaws i saw in his character which just made him more human imo.

BUTT what i hated the most is that the game, didn't, and i mean, did not even try to give warren a chance as a love interest. the story game revolved around max and chloe either rekindling their friendship or growing their romance (based on player's choices) which made me wonder, why did they even created two love interests if they're gonna make us focus on the other one (man, before any of u come at me i soo love a good pricefield content. just so happens i love warren too much). becus i prefer it if the three of them became a trio instead, cuz think bout the potential???? a bi-disaster time traveller, blue hair punk wid daddy issues, and a punching bag/white knight??

though, if i do want some changes from the game it'd be to add justice to warren's character AS A ROMANTIC INTEREST

(this post exactly pictures what i want in lis)

https://www.tumblr.com/dalekofchaos/749391441864884224/choices-i-wouldve-added-to-life-is-strange?source=share

sorry for the long rant, i just love asks like these. and thanks for the compliment, u makin me blush (⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ

[bad268]

F1 Asks

I saw one of my favorites (@astonmartinii) do this, and I wanted to join lol Not tagging anyone else, but if you want to, do it!

Who is your favourite driver?

It may not look like it on my blog, but Max is my #1 lol

Do you have other favourite drivers?

Of the current grid, Max Oscar, and Logan have been my top three. I love them with a passion and it hurts to see that hate Logan gets. He was promoted too soon in my opinion. And a side note, while I love Kimi Antonelli, even promoting him in 2025 could be too soon.

Of all time, Kimi, Seb, and Lewis (honorable mention Jenson) are my boys. Honestly GOATS <3

Who is your least favourite driver?

I have passionate dislikes for Carlos Sainz and Daniel Ricciardo I'm sorry girlies. I tried writing for Daniel once and I cannot bring myself to even try it again.

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

Drivers mostly. I used to consider myself a Red Bull and McLaren fan, but I can't stand behind a team's actions. I'd rather say I'm a Max, Checo, Lando, and Oscar fan.

If you like teams, who do you pull for?

If I had to, Red Bull and McLaren. Next year, I might add Ferarri to this list because that Charles-Lewis lineup is gonna be insane if Ferarri can back it up.

How long have you been into F1?

Actively watching, since 2022. Of handily, since 2020.

What got you into F1?

Something stupid lol... I was on twitch during lockdown and Lando was streaming I can't remember, it was either Among Us or CS:GO. Quarantine was a dark time for me, and his content made me laugh. I did some digging and found out he was in F1. I closely followed until I was able to afford F1TV.

Also, My dad was a big NASCAR guy, and we would go to NASCAR races every year. I met so many drivers (Jeff Gordin, Kyle Busch, Kevin Harvick, and Dale Earnheart Jr. I can remember) because we would get to go down to the paddock. My dad built the communications in the stadium where the track was, so they hooked us up every time. I was used to race cars from a young age, so when I started watching F1 more, it was reminiscent.

do you enjoy fanfic/RPF?

I mean, I write for it now so yeah lol. Honestly though, it's draining sometimes, and I have to take breaks. That; 's why I usually limit it to 2 posts a week, so I can line it up for weeks straight. I used to not post for months at a time, but I'm getting better.

how do you view new fans?

I don't think new fans deserve the hate for liking something, especially girls. Like girls get hated for liking anything, and it's not like they should get hated for living. Coming from a girl who likes a lot of sports, the hate I get is fucking draining. New fans are just as eager about the sport as we are. If you're new and want to ask questions or fan with me, PLEASE! MY INBOX AND MESSAGES ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

If you could take over as any team principal for any team who would it be and why?

Don't get me wrong, I love Toto, but wtf is happening to Mercedes? It's like every year, it's getting worse. So that would be an option for me. Also, Christian, I'm sorry but wtf. Not only the mistreatment of your junior drivers but the mistreatment of your female employees? Nah, man. Get out, and I'll take over.

Are your friends and family into F1 as well?

Not exactly. As I said earlier, my dad is a NASCAR guy. He doesn't like open-wheel racing, but I'm slowly converting him to Indy at least. I'll get him on the F1 train eventually.

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

Always! My inbox and messages are always open and I am the President of Yappsville and will not shut up.

[eunchancorner]

Ik this is nothing like what I normally post, but the Mithzan content warning videos are getting to me so bad that I NEEDED to do this. Especially with the way Ross acts

“Rohoss, fuck off!” Max yelled, pressing back into the couch as the gray squirrel approached, trying to suppress giggles as he grabbed a throw pillow to use as a shield.

“I can’t Max, the tickle monster’s controlling me!” he tried to argue, unable to suppress his own squeaky laugh as the pillow was thrown at him.

“Buhullshit! The tickle monster isn’t real! It’s only real in Content Warning!”

“Oh no, it’s real, and it’s after you!”

“G-Go after Krista! Her laugh’s cute as shit anyway! Bug her!”

“Nope! It’s your turn! Plus I don’t wanna risk grilled cheese night…” his tail flicked as he mumbled the last part just loud enough for his redhead roomie to hear.

“Oh, it’s grilled cheese night? Fuck yeah,” he let himself get distracted before his brain returned to the situation at hand. “B-But that doesn’t mean you can tickle me! Krista!!” He called the brunette, “Krista, get in here!”

“What do you want?” she demanded as she popped her head in from the hall, doing her best not to glare at the rowdy roommates.

“You- well- you wouldn’t cancel grilled cheese night if I just kinda had Ross bug you with his dumb tickle monster shit, right?” Max asked, almost sheepishly, to which Ross added, “To be fair, I want to target him, but he keeps telling me to go for you.”

Krista was silent for a moment, looking between her boyfriend and their roommate, before she smirked. A look that made Max’s eyes widen and Ross’s bushy tail flick.

“Get him, Ross.”

Max didn’t even have time to protest before Ross’s paws made contact with his belly, pulling laughter from his throat in a way that only his oldest friend could, feeling that his fur and claws were being weaponized like always.

“Rohohohoss! Gohoddahahammit!!” he shoved at Ross’s paws, attempting to squirm out of his grip. “Nohohoho!”

“It’s too late, Max! The tickle monster’s got you now, and he’s not letting go!” he teased, pinching and poking at his roommate’s tummy, pulling bright squeals from the tall redhead.

“Nohoho! Fuckfuckfuckfuhuck!!” he squealed as he tried to wriggle away, only succeeding in pressing himself into the couch even further, trapping himself as his friend continued his ticklish assault. “I swehehear! Ihi’m gonnaha fuhuhuckin’ kihill youhuhuhu!”

“Max, quit threatening to kill Ross!” Krista called from her office.

“Dohon’t sihide with hihihim!” Max argued back, still shoving at his friend, who took the opportunity to claw at Max’s ribs, forcing a squeal from his throat as his arms snapped down. “STOHOP- beheheing so fuhuhucking fluhuhuffy!!”

“Why would I do that when I can make you laugh so much with it?” Ross giggled, ruffling Max’s hair, which the redhead swatted at with his now unoccupied arm.

“Behecahahause! Ihit’s gonna kihihill mehehehe!”

“You’re so dramatic! Tickles aren’t gonna kill you, Max, besides, I know you don’t really hate it. You just like pretending you do. I’m smarter than you think, or did you forget how long we’ve been friends?”

“Fuhuhuck youhuhuhu!”

“I also know what’ll get you to stop cursing so much! Or, talking really-”

“DOHON’T YOU FUHUHUCKING DAHARE-” Max cut him off with the warning, although the threatening aspect was undermined by his own laughter.

“Just once? It’ll be the end, I promise!” the squirrel pleaded, stopping his tickles so his roommate could answer.

“F-fihihine… Juhust once… No more after that, ok? You can go fuck off somewhere…”

Ross nodded quickly at the conditions, almost too quickly for Max’s liking, but it was agreement nonetheless. Max took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself as Ross pulled his hands away counting down so that Max could prepare.

“3… 2… 1!”

The redhead squealed as Ross blew a raspberry on his tummy, his fur and tendency to nuzzle into warm surfaces only intensifying the ticklish feeling. After only a few seconds of the ticklish agony, Ross stopped, patting Max’s head as he stood up.

“I’m gonna go feed Charlie, want me to grab you some water while I’m at it?” he asked as he started towards the kitchen.

“Youhu cahan go fuhuhuck youhursehelf is what youhu can do…” the redhead mumbled to himself, rubbing the tingles off of his belly.

“What was that?”

“Uh- soda, please…” he corrected himself, fearing a round two. And judging by Ross’s smirk, that was exactly what he just avoided.

“Mhm, gotcha. I’ll be back in a sec,” he called with a tail twitch as he disappeared into the room, leaving Max to catch his breath.

Maybe the Tickle Monster is real after all. His name is just Ross.

[lestappenforever]

Oh wow, the tags are so full of hate recently even I ran into them despite not really shipping Lestappen. I enjoy Charles content a lot so I stumble into Lestappen posts often and I know some lore. The childhood rivals to friends to something more trope is appealing so I understand the obsession even though all people get are crumbs. here’s a more objective(??), outsider(??) opinion.

People saying Charles only tolerates Max is the other side of the hyperbole. Yes, Charles is polite with everyone, but even I think their relationship is better than just “we tolerate each other because we must, we compete in the same sport so we cannot escape bumping into each other”. Remember when Charles was asked to name 10 drivers he gets along well on the grid, and he also listed Max (even explaining that despite most people believing otherwise, they get along well)? Or just look at the pre-drivers parade videos. Yes, they are surrounded by cameras, but they don’t have mics shoved into their faces so they get to talk more privately. Every time Max and Charles are in the same group of people their joy and interest in what the other has to say seem genuine to me. Hell, every time Max maxplains something post-quali or post-race Charles seems intrigued (he’s the number one after all, ofc Charles would want to hear what the current champion has to say). I’m not saying they are friends, but they aren’t forced to tolerate each other either. And why would they have to pretend to get along? They aren’t team mates! I bet a hate-fuelled rivalry narrative would sell better, yet they don’t bad-mouth each other, even going as far as carefully choosing the wording of what they say about the other so it doesn’t get twisted by the media.

Max speaks with so much respect about Lando, Oscar recently, and that means there’s so much interaction you can compare to how Max talks about Charles. It’s the same respect. As a non-shipper I don’t see Max putting Charles higher than the rest, but he doesn’t piss on him either. Max and Lando are known to be good friends and they hang out outside of racing too. If Max and Charles only tolerate each other because they must, how come Max talks about Charles in interviews with the same enthusiasm he talks about Lando’s skills for example? And then there’s Charles. He’d always pick Pierre, but just because you have a bestie that doesn’t mean you cannot get along with others as well. You don’t have to be friends, but being amicable co-workers in my eyes is more than just being forced to tolerate the other. And Charles really REALLY wants to catch up to Max so the latter will continue to occupy his mind. So why should it be hate when it can also be respect?

(Sorry this got long, but shipping wars keep ruining my fun. Get along folks, yikes.)

Just gonna leave this here, guys, because this non-Lestappen shipper anon speaks the truth. (And I love you, anon.)

I stay out of tags pretty much everywhere because the hate that's always there is just exhausting, and frankly, kind of pathetic. This goes for shipping wars in general.

Shipping is supposed to be fun, guys. Stop taking everything so God damned seriously and personally, and just let people enjoy the ships they enjoy and leave the ones you don't enjoy the fuck alone.

[weirdo-2000]

I posted 252 times in 2022

That's 214 more posts than 2021!

79 posts created (31%)

173 posts reblogged (69%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zzoupz

@randompurplepanthergorl

@gayalienlover

@pastel-skies

@punkhomerkin

I tagged 53 of my posts in 2022

#waylon smithers - 5 posts

#the simpsons - 5 posts

#smiling friends - 3 posts

#roblox - 2 posts

#smoe - 2 posts

#degenerate artist problems :\ - 1 post

#pokemon - 1 post

#the internet fucking sucks i hate it - 1 post

#weirdo-2000 - 1 post

#why me - 1 post

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#even then a lot of adults don’t respect that and figure that just because they have authority over me means they can call me whatever they

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

ive said this before but i feel like i need to say it again…….

do NOT interact with me if youre a burnsmithers shipper.

why the fuck do you guys ship burnsmithers lol?? its weird and abusive. burns is canonically 104 fucking years old and smithers is in his early 40s. and if you even pay attention to the episodes then youll see the way that burns treats smithers. burns is a narcissist and constantly looks down on smithers, always telling him off for doing whatever. imagine if you were in a relationship and your significant other always talked down on you. that would feel like shit.

the art that people make of them is super weird too. like you cant even casually look up their names without seeing some weird af fetish art of them in maid outfits spanking eachother or some shit. burnsmithers is fetishized to the MAX for no reason. fr, you have hundreds, maybe even THOUSANDS of simpsons characters out there and yet you decide to ruin burns and smithers for everyone.

i see burns and smithers as funny little old men running a tiny little nuclear power plant, not as this gay couple who want to grind on them eachother. fucking weird as fuck.

if you ship this, get off ALL MY PAGES NOW. i dont want you and your simpsons fetish porn anywhere around me. and maybe consider seeing a psychiatrist.

maybe also consider shipping something ACTUALLY healthy such as smoe or something. just please for the sake of your sanity don’t ship burnsmithers.

that’s all i had to say. if you ship that, fuck you.

6 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#4

the weirdo-2000 blog!

hey there, i'm addy! welcome to weirdo-2000, a blog that was created with no purpose at all. my pronouns are she\her, biological female at birth. please try your best to respect my pronouns because i try so hard to be feminine and everytime i get misgendered it really hurts and i think about it for months on end. the content of this blog depends on my fixations atm. my current fixation is smiling friends. i usually post stuff related to simpsons or other kinds of adult animation, but you'll mostly see other random shit too. got any questions? you can ask me in my askbox. got a submission? submit it! please note that i am NOT AN ADULT (under 18) and if i recieve any NSFW chats, asks or submissions i will block you, report you, and get the police involved. do NOT take any chances. i will not be telling anybody my personal info because i would like to keep it private. you can check out my other profiles at stuckinchernobyl.carrd.co if you're interested. i also have a sideblog dedicated to my webcomic if you wanna check it out inaplacebeyondfromhere.tumblr.com thanks so much for checking out my blog. a follow, repost or like will be much appreciated! hope you like what i post ╮(￣▽￣)╭

6 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

#3

most likely one of the best videos i've ever made. i plan to abuse smithers in lots of other fun ways soon 😈

9 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#2

we were at the park because my siblings wanted to go sledding, and they had these snowmen that some local schools decorated and we spotted…kenneth. this is so cool lol

12 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

you guys. charlie is LITERALLY that kinda person who sits on a couch in his underwear, watches trash tv and eats an entire tub of ice cream. alone. by himself. at 2 in the morning.

86 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[danielfuckingricciardo]

That Sense of Passion and Anger (Part 4)

Pairing - Max Verstappen x Reader x Daniel Ricciardo

Word Count - 3.3k

Content Warning - Swearing, Oral sex, alcohol mention, angst, sexism mention, Christian H*rner

Synopsis - After kissing Daniel, the reader finds herself in a new position with her closest friend, but is pulled back to business when called to a meeting with the PR team, Horner and Max.

Tag List - @vinvantae @ujisworld @heyitskay-21 @starjane312 @callmequeenbeee @thatonesexycancerian @dr3lover @compulsiveshit @fromthedeskofjoii @iamasimpingh0e

Author’s Note - Look at me posting two chapters in as many days! Anyway, it’s time for sexy times with Daniel and angst time with Max (again) whoopsie! This is also going to be the last chapter that is the same no matter which path you choose. I originally had only planned a Max ending, but I couldn’t stand to see Daniel left out so I’m going to write multiple endings, I have at least three and I’m toying with a fourth one too, so you can pick one or read them all! As always, I hope you enjoy this one!

Previously on ‘That Sense of Passion and Anger’… And that’s why, in that moment, as his fingers gently held your face, and the pad of his thumb wiped away the tears which breached your eyes and fell down your cheek, you kissed him.

It was only for a second, but you instantly felt all your worries disappear as your lips connected, almost as if Daniel was absorbing your fear, your stress, your anger. Somehow, despite nothing having actually changed in the shit show you called a life, you felt instantly better.

You pull away to see a look of complete shock and bewilderment on Daniel’s face. ‘Oh shit, did I just cock everything up?’ You can’t help but think to yourself.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that, I just…” You begin, failing to find the right words to say, settling instead for an awkward laugh as you play with the hem of your robe.

“It’s okay, I mean, you can do it again, if you want to, that is.” Daniel says, and your eyes shoot upwards to make contact with his.

“Would you like me to?” You ask, pushing a strand of still damp hair out of your eyes.

“Fuck it.” He mumbles, before claiming your lips with his own. The kiss was sweet, loving, romantic even. Nothing like the rough and passionate ones you had shared with Max in the days before. It was exactly what you needed.

“Whatever happens now, just promise me something?” You ask breathlessly and Daniel hums in response, “promise me our friendship will still be the same. You mean the absolute world to me and I couldn’t stand to lose you.”

“I promise, whatever we choose to do now, whether we order an obscene number of pancakes and watch trashy reality TV together, or we make sweet sweet love, our friendship won’t change one bit. You mean the world to me too.” Daniel responds, and you can’t help but smile at him. A proper, genuine smile. Not a smile made for the cameras, or PR guys, or any other fake nonsense. A real, happy smile.

“How about we do the second one, and then the first one afterwards?” You say as you stand from your position on the floor and throw yourself onto the bed, beckoning him with your index finger.

“Sounds like a plan,” Daniel responds, before jumping onto the bed beside you, gripping your sides and tickling you, a gleeful expression on his face.

“Ah, stop, you know I hate being tickled!” You exclaim from beneath him, struggling to hold back your fits of laughter.

“What’s the safe word?” He asks, raising his eyebrow at you.

“The safe word is, I’m gonna kick you in the bollocks if you don’t stop,” You respond in laughter.

“Ooh kinky!” He says, and you slap him playfully on the arm as he settles down beside you on the bed, “you know, that’s quite a mouthful for a safe word, I was thinking something more along the lines of pineapple? Or grapes? Something food themed, I don’t know I haven’t had breakfast yet it’s all I can think about.”

“So you’re thinking about breakfast instead of me? How rude!” You say, adjusting your position so that you’re on top of him, straddling his lap.

“I’m thinking that you would make a pretty delicious breakfast. How do you taste?” Daniel says, his hands on your thighs moving closer and closer to your pussy, already wet and aching for his touch.

“Why don’t you give it a try, hm?” You say, brushing your hand across his abs beneath his shirt.

Without warning, his hands grip your waist tightly, allowing him to swiftly reverse your positions so that you are lying beneath him on the bed. You giggle as his hands travel down your thighs, the sensation of his warm fingers on your skin electric. He positions himself between your open legs, running his hands up to push away your robe to reveal your already soaked panties, dipping his head down to lick a stripe up the wet fabric. The sensation was unreal, and you found yourself squirming under his touch, your hips bucking against his face to bring him closer.

“Desperate are we?” He teases, his lips still pressed against you allowing you to feel the vibration of every word.

“Don’t be a fucking tease,” You groan, arching your back off of the bed to bring yourself closer to him.

“Don’t you worry babe, all I care about is making you feel good,” Daniel responds, the vibrations of his voice driving you crazy.

Daniel tucks his fingers beneath the waistband of your panties and slowly pulls them down, leaving you bare besides your robe, which had at some point fallen undone, revealing your bare chest which had previously been hidden beneath.

“You sure?” He asks, raising his head to look across to you on the bed.

“Hm, make me feel good Dan,” you respond, and with that, he dips his head once again, caressing your wet, aching folds with his tongue.

Daniel’s grip on your things intensifies as he pulls you closer into his face, burying his mouth and nose in your pussy, eating you out like a starved animal. His nose presses against your clit as his tongue teases your hole, and you find yourself moaning sounds of encouragement, unable to even form words as you collapse into pure pleasure.

“Fuck, babe, you taste so good,” Daniel says, and you groan in response.

In that moment, all you could think about was him. All the shit that had happened with the photo, with Max, happened to someone else, not you. You existed only there, in that moment, to feel pleasure and nothing more, completely at the mercy of your closest friend and confidant as he fucks you with his mouth.

Daniel grazes your clit with his teeth and you are snapped out of your trance, your back arching at the sensation as his tongue toys with the sensitive bundle of nerves.

“Fuck Daniel!” You exclaim in a breathy voice, the words slipping from your mouth before you can stop them. You feel him chuckle against you, your words only spurring him on as he continues to lick and suck every part of you.

You feel yourself edging closer and closer to your undoing as his lips suck your clit, his grip on one of your legs loosening as he slips a finger inside of you. The surprise sensation catches you off guard, and a pornographic moan falls from your lips. At that, he adds another finger, curling them both inside of you, driving you ever closer to orgasm.

“Fuck” You utter, your voice barely above a whisper.

“That’s right, cum for me baby, let go,” Daniel speaks into you, and you reach your climax, tightening against his fingers as your orgasm rips through your body, a series of weak moans escaping your lips.

You feel your body go limp as you collapse onto the bed, a blissed out expression of pure ecstasy on your face. Daniel removes his fingers and throws himself down beside you on the bed, turning inwards to face you. You open your eyes and slowly roll over to face him, your faces practically touching as he brings his fingers up to his mouth and sucks them clean.

“Did you enjoy your breakfast?” You whisper, a tired smirk appearing on your lips.

“Divine,” He responds, before pulling you into a tight hug.

You lay there for a while, his presence calming as you steady your breathing and come down from your orgasm.

“So, you wanna talk about it?” Daniel asks, and you nod sheepishly.

You tell him about your dinner, the flirting, the mind blowing sex the night before, and the tender moments you and Max had shared that morning in the shower. Everything that had happened before your world went to shit.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N), I genuinely don’t know what to say. I’m just so fucking sorry.” He says, pulling your head into his neck as you sob, your body shaking as you cry.

All too soon, you are interrupted as your phone rings on the counter. Daniel removes his arms from your body and you immediately miss his touch as he jumps up from the bed and grabs your phone.

“It’s Horner, I think you should probably answer this one babe,” He says, passing you the phone.

“Yeah, I probably should. Time to face the music.” You sigh, inhaling deeply to rid your body of its tears, accepting the call and pressing the phone to your ear.

“(Y/N) where have you been? We’re having an emergency meeting with the PR team in five minutes, conference room B, get down here, now.” Christian says before immediately hanging up, a sense of exasperation in his voice.

You throw the phone onto the bed and sigh, fastening your robe once again before pulling your knees up to your chest in comfort.

“Meeting?” Daniel asks, perching beside you on the bed.

“Yeah, I should get ready. Fuck Dan I don’t wanna do this, I don’t want to get yelled at, or punished, or shamed, and God, I don’t wanna see Max again,” You say, resting your head back against the headboard, your eyes squeezed shut.

“I know babe, but you’ll get through this, I promise you,” he says, resting his hand on your shoulder, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

“I hope so, fuck, why did I have to complicate things? Why couldn’t we have just kept on hating each other?”

“Hey, he was the one who came to you that night, not the other way around. None of this is your fault, remember that. And Max, fuck, I don’t know. I just, I don’t think those were his words. I’m no Max expert, but I know him pretty well, and I don’t think he’s that much of an asshole that he’d do that to you.” Daniel says, his thumb gently stroking your exposed collar bone.

“Well, whatever happened, I’m fucking done. I’m gonna go down there, take my punishment, and try my fucking hardest to not punch Verstappen, or Horner, in the fucking jaw,” You say, suddenly jumping from your position on the bed to grab your discarded Red Bull polo and Jeans that were hanging on the back of a chair.

“That’s my girl,” Daniel says, chuckling as you retrieve your underwear from the floor before disappearing into the bathroom.

The PR meeting was everything you had thought it would be. Those in charge of damage control had managed to convince the fans that your little dinner date with Max had been arranged by Horner to try and reconcile the two of you after your heated exchange that weekend. The photo had simply been taken at an unfortunate moment in which the two of you were simply joking around, despite many fan theories suggesting that you were actually trying to kick him in the bollocks, which, quite frankly, you were considering.

Max sat in the corner of the room as Horner yelled at you, not saying a word, looking like a sullen teenager who had just been sent to his room.

“What the fuck were you doing? He doesn’t need any distractions, and neither do you. This is your first and final warning, If you keep doing things like this, giving us a bad reputation, then you’ll be lucky to have a seat anywhere next season, never mind here.” Christian shouts, an emotionless look on your face hiding the true seething anger rising deep within you.

“And Max?” You ask, unable to hold back your curiosity as to why he was not also on the receiving end of a verbal beatdown as you were.

“I’m sorry?” Christian responds, circling your chair, a look of bewilderment on his face.

“It takes two to tango, as they say, he’s just as guilty as I am and yet I seem to be the only one getting this final warning.” You say, trying to control your volume, but every nerve in your body was on fire, desperate to let go and yell louder than you ever had before. Screw taking your punishment, if you were going out, you were going to go out fighting. Max glances up at you for the first time since you had entered the room, and you make eye contact with him, his expression cryptically hidden behind an emotionless straight face.

“Max has proved himself worthy of controversy, you, on the other hand, have not. We have dozens of talented drivers desperate for a seat, and right now you’re very replaceable.” Christian says, and you stand up from your seat, coming face to face with the older man.

“Bullshit,” You hear from the corner of the room, and you snap your head over to where Max is still sat, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“Max?” Christian says, and Max stands from his seat, walking over to the two of you. You glance around the room, watching at the various team members exchange anxious looks with one another, unsure of just what is about to go down.

“I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit. (Y/N) has more than proved herself already this season, she can’t help that this one is her first. All we did was have dinner, right? What’s so controversial about that?” Max says, and you shoot him a fiery glance.

“I don’t need you to defend me Max, I’m done. If this is my first and last season I genuinely don’t give a fuck anymore. This place, this sport, is toxic. It’s rotten. It’s hard enough for anyone new, but I’m the only woman on the grid, I get enough shit as it is. Never mind all this frankly sexist speculation and media attention. And if my own team, and my teammate, are gonna treat me like shit then I don’t wanna be here anymore. I’m done.” You yell, your hands squeezed by your sides so tight your knuckles are white.

Christian and Max look at you in shock, and as you make your way to the door, you finally feel free, a sense of ease washes through your body.

“(Y/N), don’t you dare walk away from me,” Christian shouts, and you can’t help but chuckle.

“You’re not my dad, leave me the fuck alone,” You shout, before disappearing through the door, slamming it behind you.

Maybe it was childish, like a teenager arguing with her parents because she got caught with a boy, but you didn’t care. Christian treated you like a child, someone he could control, and you were done, and perhaps free. He still had his golden boy, and that was all that mattered.

You sat at the hotel bar, sipping on your third scotch on the rocks, when you hear footsteps behind you. You feel a presence beside you, and turn your head to see Max sat beside you.

“I thought you wanted me to leave you the fuck alone, hm?” You say, before downing the rest of your drink.

“Forget that, okay. I’ve never seen anyone do that before. Stand up to Horner like that, I mean,” Max says, nodding to the bartender to pour two more drinks for the both of you.

“Well, I don’t wanna be here anymore, so I figured I may as well tell him what I really think while I still have the chance,” You say, looking down at your empty glass, unable to look Max in the eye.

“You were amazing,” He says, and you scoff.

“Sure, whatever, I know you like ‘em angry. Not gonna fuck you this time though, sorry,” You laugh.

“I- look, (Y/N), I need to apologise, again.” Max says awkwardly, and you snap your head over to face him.

“For what? For sharing such a sweet tender moment with me this morning, promising we’d get on better from now on, and try and be friends or whatever else, and then fifteen minutes later telling me you want me to stay the fuck away? Fuck off Max, really, do you think that’s something you can just apologise for? No, you made me feel like shit, worse than shit, worthless. Completely fucking worthless. If it wasn’t for Daniel scraping me up off the carpet who knows what kind of state I’d be in right now. I was obviously mistaken when I thought we actually had something that could have been good, just a dumb fucking idiot who tried to see the best in someone who had only shown me his very worst. Fuck that, and fuck you,” You spit, venom in your every word.

The bartender returns with two more drinks, and you swiftly down your in one before standing from the barstool and walking away.

“(Y/N), wait, please, just let me explain,” Max shouts after you, and you stop in your path, choosing not to turn around.

“I’m listening,” You say, tapping your foot against the marble floor to indicate your impatience.

“It was my dad. I got back to my room and checked my phone, I had like a million miscalls. I called him and he’d seen the photos and he was pissed. So fucking pissed. He got to me, I guess, and I just did what he wanted me to do without thinking. I wish I hadn’t, I really wish I’d have just thought. I’m the dumb fucking idiot, not you, because I just do whatever daddy tells me to without thinking about what I want. It’s you. I want you. Fuck my dad, fuck Horner, I want you, (Y/N) please, I’m sorry,” Max says, and you turn to face him.

For the first time since his earlier outburst, you found yourself not wanting to punch Max, which confused you. Sure, his explanation had made sense, as Daniel had said earlier, they weren’t his words, but his Father’s. But still, the way he had made you feel? You should still be angry, and yet, you weren’t. You wished it wasn’t true, but it was the only possible explanation - you wanted him too.

“I don’t understand how I feel right now Max, I need time to sort my head out. I just- I know I can’t do this now. I’m sorry,” You say, fighting back tears which threatened to escape your eyes.

“(Y/N)” He says, and he reaches forward to gently tap your hand with his own. Your white-knuckled fist drops at his touch, and you sigh.

“I need time, I’m sorry,” You say, before turning away once again to walk away.

“Is it Daniel? Are you and him- I don’t want to pry just- please, do I even have a chance?” Max asks, and you turn around to face him once again, walking right up to him so that your bodies are practically touching one another.

“When you abandoned me this morning, and left me crying on the floor, he held me close, wiped away my tears, and then…” You say, your voice barely audible to avoid the prying ears of strangers.

“I see” Max says, the dejection evident in his tone.

“But that doesn’t mean- I don’t know what it means, just, I need time, okay?” You say, before walking away once again, disappearing into the elevator. You make eye contact with Max as you turn to face the doors, and you could swear you saw tears pricking the corner of his eyes as he looks at you before the doors close.

[lethargical-lily]

Let’s talk about Billy

Would like to preface this by saying that this is not my usual TWST content so anyone who is here for that I apologize. I’m currently trying to create a schedule for it so it will be up and running soon

(If you take a shot every time I say “that’s not an excuse” or some variation of it you’d die)

Okay I’m gonna start this post off by saying this is no way written to defend Billy Hargrove’s actions or even get Billy antis or whoever else to like him, it’s simply to clear up a huge miscommunication in the fandom that I’m honestly tired of seeing.

So it’s pretty clear that a lot of ST things fans hate Billy, and honestly? Fair. He’s kind of a piece of shit I won’t even deny that

He’s coded to be racist or at least act out of some sort of prejudice and somewhat of an abuser so if you don’t like him due to this THATS UNDERSTANDABLE. But you also frequently get onto other ST fans who actually do like him.

So I’m here to tell you why you’re wasting your breath and making the ST fandom very irritating to interact with

From the beginning Billy was portrayed as a Top Tier A hole, threatening his little sister for something minor, trying to fucking run over children, beating the shit out of Steve, just overall a dick. And all of that is 100% true and valid reasons to dislike him

But it was also shown that he doesn’t have a good home life with his dad beating his ass for Billy just, existing. NOW BEFORE YOU LEAVE. That. Is not. An excuse. It never has been and it never will be. He should be absolutely held accountable for everything he’s done up until this point because he’s done a lot of inexcusable shit. So you can shit on him for that I don’t really care

But believe it or not there are actually people who were interested in his character writing and chose to look deeper into him and who he is past what they gave us in seasons 2 and 3😐

Speaking from my point of view, I don’t like canon Billy. Like I’ve said several times he sucked a lot. But to be honest I don’t think that’s who the character Billy actually is. I think that all of that is a response from being abandoned as a child and dealing with years of physical abuse. Again, since I don’t want you to misinterpret my words, not an excuse, but it gives us a lot of background.

Season 2 and 3 Billy does a lot of things that could be born from underlying racism, even if it’s not outwardly said it’s there, but I personally do not think that’s because those are things he genuinely believes himself. If his asshole father sees his step-daughter hanging around a person he doesn’t like due to prejudice, did it ever occur to you who would be the one inevitably getting punished for it? Billy would. Not Max, I don’t think Neil has the balls to lay hands on his partner’s kid but he’ll do it to his own since we already know Max’s mom won’t do shit about it. Not wanting to get his ass handed to him for something that’s not his fault he’s obviously gonna try to cut the interaction between Lucas and Max. Not because he dislikes Lucas, not because he’s racist, but because otherwise he’ll get beat half to death

All this to say, I know he can be better. I don’t think all is lost for him. I think there’s more to him than what we see on the surface and if he were to be separated from the negative environment and allowed to experience life for himself instead of clouded by fear be wouldn’t be such a shit head

Trauma is not an excuse for the shit he’s done, but the moment trauma response/survival instinct gets ugly and isn’t just anxiety and flinching when someone raises their hand, you don’t believe they deserve an ounce of sympathy or a chance for redemption

I know he not only has the potential to make amends with those he hurt but completely forget the ignorant sentiments he’s been forced to abide by. That doesn’t mean any character is required to forgive him or you are for that matter but you really need to understand that when people talk about liking him they’re usually separating canon Billy from the Billy we never got the chance to see.

And I know some of y’all cream your pants at the fact that the duffer brothers confirmed Billy to be racist, but to be honest with you I could not give a flying fuck what the Duffer brothers say. They’ve proven more and more with each season that they may know how to write a story but not a character. If it weren’t for the actors pushing for certain scenes or refusing to do others these characters wouldn’t be half as fleshed out as they are. We owe a lot of the character writing to the people that portray them, therefore i hold a lot more weight in what they say than i do the creators. What the Duffer Brothers say is not Gospel to me, and it would be smart of you to not consider it as such either.

You can hate canon Billy all you want, I don’t care, but don’t get pissy at people who choose to look deeper than the surface of who he is and miss what they could’ve had for him because he was just being built up to be a throwaway.

If they support what season 2 or 3 Billy did that’s a different story, definitely not okay, but I’ve yet to see anyone do that all I see is people who don’t feel comfortable watering down his entire character and role in the story to ‘racist’ because at the end of the day, that truly is just an opinion based on how you choose to read into his character

TLDR; don’t put anti billy crap in spaces that like billy just because they wanna appreciate a character that had potential and is more than what most of you want to see

If you don’t take anything away from this, fine, just be respectful in the notes if you choose to interact

[nowandajenn]

Blue Christmas- Eight

Pairing: Chris Evans/OC Kelly

Summary: After almost three years of marriage, everyone would tell you that Chris and his wife Kelly are the most stable, solid couple they know. But behind closed doors, things are tense as they keep trying for a baby, to no avail. When a secret threatens to shake their solid marriage to it’s core, will they be able to pick up the pieces?

I do not consent to have my content, whether it be this story or anything else of my creation, posted by a third party on any other platform other than right here without my permission. This blog is 18+ and is not intended for minors. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Heed the warnings.

Warnings: mentions of cheating, smut, language, angst, mentions of miscarriage. If any of this is triggering to you, do not read. 

A/N: This is going to be very dialogue heavy, and will have flashbacks of the night that Chris cheated and everything that happened. Flashbacks will be in italics. Just a warning, this chapter is a BEAST. There’s a lot to unpack, and it’s going to be super emotional. 

December 29

Chris watches from his seat in the comfortable leather recliner in our living room as I twist my wedding and engagement rings around on my finger. It’s a nervous little habit that I do without even really realizing it or thinking about it. A million thoughts cross his mind as he sits silently, waiting for me to say something. 

After taking a few deep breaths to try and steel myself for the conversation that I KNOW that Chris and I need to have, I finally look up from the floor and at him. 

“Do you want a divorce?” Okay, the thousand different times I pictured this conversation happening in my head, that was definitely NOT one of the ways. Apparently my mouth and brain aren’t communicating very well today. 

Chris looks up at me, his expression aghast. 

“Wha-.......” he tries to speak, but is too stunned to even form the words. 

“Is that why you cheated? You don’t want to be with me anymore, so you went somewhere else for whatever is it that you weren’t getting from me?”

“No! Jesus Christ, no! I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. I can’t imagine my life without you. No, I don’t want a divorce.” he tells me. 

“Okay, if that’s not it, then you have to help me out here. Because I don’t understand what possible reason you could have for cheating. It had to be something that I did. Or something I didn’t do. I need you to tell me what happened. Because until I have all the facts and I understand what the hell happened, we can’t move forward.” 

He sits forward in the chair and sighs. 

“What do you want me to tell you?” 

“I want you to tell me what happened that night after we FaceTimed. I want to know what happened between then and the next morning.” I tell him. 

“You KNOW what happened.” he says miserably. 

I shake my head. “No, I know the end result. I want you to walk me through every single thing that happened that night. Everything you were thinking, everything you did.”

“Why? What good is that going to do? What’s the goddamn point? How is me telling you everything that happened going to help ANYTHING? All it’s going to do is hurt you more, and I can’t do that. I won’t.”

“The point is, if we have even the smallest hope of getting through this intact, with our MARRIAGE intact, I need to understand this. I need to know. I need to know, because when I go to sleep at night, all I can see in my head is all the things that I imagine happened that night. And I need to know if what actually happened is better or worse than what I can imagine happened. I have a right, as your wife, to know what you did.” 

Chris looks up, silently pleading with you to not make him do this, but he knows that you’re right. You do deserve to know, even if it’s going to devastate you. 

“After we got off the phone, I had to go right back into interviews and there was two more photo calls we had to do, so by the time we got done it was about 7:30 that night. I was distracted the whole time. I hated that we fought, and I felt like an asshole, and I just wanted to call you back and apologize, but I didn’t have time. Plus, I figured that we both probably needed a little bit of time to cool down. I told myself that I was going to call you that night before I went to bed so we could talk more and I could apologize to you. We all got out of there, and Cate and Robert and the rest of them wanted to go to dinner, so we came back to the hotel, changed, and then went out to eat.” Chris tells me. 

“What time did you get back from dinner?” 

“Around 10, I think. It couldn’t have been much later than that. Everyone else was talking about going out and finding a bar or a club to go to, but I just wanted to come back to the hotel and relax. I wasn’t in the mood to be around a lot of people.” 

I pull my feet up on the couch and tuck them under me. 

“Okay, so you got back to the hotel, and then what did you do?” 

For as tired as he was, Chris couldn’t relax. He tried taking a hot shower, laying in bed watching TV, browsing social media, and flipping through pictures on his phone. Finally, after about 45 minutes and getting more and more keyed up and anxious, he decides to go down to the hotel bar. 

When he walks in, the place is empty except for an older couple seated down at the end and the bartender. Chris slides himself onto one of the stools and the bartender makes her way over to him. 

“Thank God. A friendly face.” she says with a smile. 

Chris glances down the bar at the couple. “They seem pretty friendly.” he remarks. 

“Yeah, but they’ve been here for an hour and they’re literally babying their drinks, and aren’t much for conversation that doesn’t involve each other. I’m bored out of my mind.” 

She stick her hand out. “I’m Jo.”

Chris reaches across the bar and shakes her hand with his own. “Chris. Nice to meet you.”

“So, Chris, what’s your poison?”

“What was her name?” I ask him. He just referred to her as “the bartender” and “she”. 

He runs his hand down his face and over his beard. 

“I don’t......I honestly can’t remember. It was one of those boys names for a girl. You know.....Alex or Max or James.......I don’t......I can’t remember.” 

I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. I want to scream already, and he’s not even deep into the story. I shake my head slightly. 

“You slept with this girl, and you don’t even remember her NAME.” I say softly. 

Chris hangs his head. 

“Keep going.” 

She pours him another measure of whiskey, along with a shot for herself. They clink glasses and swallow the amber liquid, letting it burn it’s way down. 

“So what did you and your wife fight about?” she asks him. 

Chris sighs. 

“It’s......it’s complicated.”

“Hey, I’m a bartender, which means that I’m a really great listener. It’s practically a job requirement. You might feel better if you talk about it.” 

“We’re trying to have a baby.”

“Soo....what’s the problem. Trying is the fun part!” 

“We’ve been trying for a year and a half almost, and nothing’s happening. She’s perfect; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her that would keep her from getting pregnant, but it’s just not happening. And we both want a baby so bad, and the look on her face when......it fucking kills me.” 

He knows that he shouldn’t be telling a complete stranger all of this, especially considering who he is, but the alcohol has loosened his tongue, and if he doesn’t spill his guts to someone, he’s going to explode. 

Jo puts a soft, warm hand over his. 

“I’m sorry, That has to be tough. For both of you.” she says softly. 

“I mean, I guess I never thought that it would take actual work, you know? I assumed that ‘hey, if we just keep having sex, eventually she’s going to get pregnant’ and it would be easy. She’s getting scared and fed up and talking about adoption and fertility doctors, and I hate seeing her so stressed out and upset, and I kind of just.....I said some things and made it worse and I feel like a complete fucking jackass.” 

“What if you guys can’t have kids?” 

“As much as I want to have kids with her, I don’t need them to be happy. As long as I have Kelly in my life, I’ll be perfectly happy. Do I want to be a dad? Yeah, absolutely. But there are so many kids out there that need good homes, so there are other options, but I don’t think that we’re there yet, you know?”

I get up and storm out of the room with Chris right on my heels. 

“Kelly, wait, please.....”

He touches my arm and I spin around to face him, and the look in my eyes makes him fall back a step. 

I’m so pissed off and hurt right now I could spit nails. 

“You......you told her.....EVERYTHING. You told her.....EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING, Chris! Do you even......do you even fucking understand what you did? Like.....” 

I squat down close to the floor and put my head between my knees. My heart is pounding and I’m so worked up that I’m afraid I’m going to pass out if I don’t calm down. And I’m not going anywhere or doing anything until I get the whole damn story. 

“Look, I know-” 

I look up at him incredulously. 

“No! No, you don’t know! You don’t know shit! You fucking betrayed me, in every single sense of the word. You didn’t just fuck her, you told her, a complete stranger, about me. About us trying to have a baby. You told her about things that you never even fucking bothered to tell me! Do you realize that she could go to the press? She could go and spill all of these juicy little secrets that you spilled to her over shots of Jack and have herself a nice little pay day.”

“Kelly, you wanted to know what happened that night, so I’m telling you what happened, despite everything inside of me screaming at me not to. I’m not going to lie to you or keep things from you. You wanted to know everything.” Chris says. 

I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth so hard that my jaw hurts. 

“I can’t look at you right now. I need a break.” I tell him, grabbing my jacket. I grab Dodger’s leash off the peg in the hallway and call for him. 

Dodger trots over, tongue lolling out of his mouth, happy to be going on a walk. 

“I’ll be back in a while.” 

Forty five minutes later, I’m in the utility room stripping off my wet clothes after getting Dodger dry and wiping off his paws. 

Chris stops pacing the kitchen when he sees me walking through the house in my bra and underwear. 

“What happened to your clothes?” he asks. 

“Dodger saw a squirrel and got excited and kind of dragged me through a snow bank.” I sigh. I throw my clothes in the dryer and make my way into our room to get changed. 

“Dodge, come on.....” Chris admonishes. Dodger just jumps up on the bed and curls up. 

I throw on a pair of gray sweatpants and a blue Patriots hoodie that’s hung over the back of the chair in our room and sit down on the side of the bed. 

“I want to know the rest.” I tell Chris. 

He sits down heavily on the end of the bed. 

“No, you don’t.” 

I swallow thickly. “You’re right. I don’t. But it doesn’t matter, because you’re going to tell me anyway.” 

Hours pass with Jo and Chris laughing and talking and flirting back and forth, until it’s 1am and the bar closes for the night. 

“Thanks for sticking around and hanging out tonight. I think I would have died of sheer boredom if you hadn’t.” Jo laughs softly. She offered to walk him back to his room as he was pretty well drunk and a little unsteady on his feet. 

“It was no problem. I didn’t really want to be alone tonight to be honest. I used to do really well on my own. I was used to it, and then......I wasn’t alone.” Chris tells her. 

Once they reach his room, they linger outside for a few minutes, both of them not really wanting the night to end. Jo steps closer to him, knowing exactly what she wants and completely unashamed about it. 

“You should kiss me.” she says softly, looking up at him with big doe eyes. She places her hands on his chest and instead of immediately backing away like he should have, he leans into her touch. 

Chris closes his eyes as he feels his mouth go dry and a strange fluttery feeling in his stomach. He hasn’t really felt this way since....

He opens his eyes and breathes out deeply. “I can’t. I’m married. I’m married and I’m insanely in love with my wife.” 

“So? You should kiss me anyway. I can tell you want to. You’ve been flirting with me all night.” she says, taking a step closer. “I won’t tell anyone. I promise. You need a way to release all this tension you’ve got, and I’m more than willing to help you out anyway I can.” 

Before his brain can scream at him to stop, he’s wrapping his arms around her and covering her mouth with his, kissing her soundly. It’s a battle of teeth and tongues, both of them trying to take control from the other. Without breaking apart, Chris manages to get his key card out of his pocket and gets the door open, pushing both of them through it and slamming it behind them. 

“This never goes beyond this room. We never talk about this ever again.” Chris gasps, pulling away from her just long enough to get the words out. 

“Absolutely.” she agrees. 

Clothes are torn off and tossed to the floor in a frenzy, and as soon as Chris drops his pants and boxers, Jo sinks to her knees and takes him in her mouth, swallowing him almost all the way down. 

“Oh, fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Christ, yes, just like that.” he moans out. 

He brings his right hand to her hair, holding it in a makeshift ponytail while his left hand goes to her shoulder. 

She almost makes him lose his mind with the things she can do with her tongue, and within minutes, he’s fucking her face roughly as spit runs down her chin and tears are springing to her eyes from the assault on her throat, but she loves it. She has the man she’s fantasized about for years shoving his cock down her throat, and she’s never been more turned on in her life. She smirks to herself as she wonders if his wife ever sucks him off like THIS. 

When he can’t stand it anymore, Chris pulls her off his dick and takes a few deep breaths. 

“I need a condom.” 

“Right. I have one in my purse.” she tells him as she reaches for her bag and finds it and hands it to him. 

“Get on the bed. On your hands and knees.” he says roughly. While her mouth was wrapped around him, he was mesmerized and couldn’t look away, but now he finds that he doesn’t even want to look at her face. He rolls the condom over his cock, giving it a few strokes before sinking into her from behind.

Tears stream down my face as I process all of what Chris just told me, and I can’t even BREATHE with how devastated I feel. It’s like a hole just got punched through my chest. I try and take a breath in, but it turns into a strangled sob and I drop my head into my hands and just let it out. 

Chris swallows thickly, wiping away his own tears as he watches me fall apart  across from him, wishing that he could do something.....ANYTHING to take all the pain away. To go back and undo everything that he did so you wouldn’t hurt. All he feels is deep, unrelenting shame and he knows in his gut that if you asked for a divorce after hearing all of his sins laid bare, he wouldn’t be surprised or even have the right to be devastated. He made his bed. 

I feel bile rising in my throat, and I stumble to my feet and race to the downstairs bathroom, falling to my knees and vomiting painfully as the image of my husband kissing this woman and fucking her run through my head. I barely notice Chris come into the bathroom until I feel him pulling my hair back and securing it with a hair tie, and rubbing my back softly. I can’t even find the breath or the energy to tell him to get away from me and drop dead. 

I’m so damn tired. Like, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this level of physical and mental exhaustion before. I sink back into the pillows a little more, and look over at Chris. Neither one of us have said a word since he picked me up off the bathroom floor and stood there with his arm around my waist as I brushed my teeth. That was 45 minutes ago. 

“It was just sex?” I ask. 

He exhales. “It was just sex. It was just once.”

I look back up at the ceiling and try and make sense of everything. 

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of it. I don’t understand why you would sleep with another woman.”

“I-I don’t know. I was lonely because we were fighting, and I missed you so goddamn much, and I was afraid of what was happening to us with all of the stress and I just......I got drunk, and I did a horrible thing. I did a horrible thing, and I wish that I could take it back. I wish I could take it back so bad it hurts. But I can’t. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life.” Chris says. 

I lift my eyes to meet his. “You were lonely? That’s your excuse? You were lonely, and you were upset. So you stuck your dick in another woman.” 

I stand at the kitchen sink and drain a glass of water in record time, and refill it. Turns out crying all day and then puking can kind of dehydrate you. I can sense Chris behind me, even though he doesn’t say anything. 

“Two years ago, a couple of weeks after you left for Africa to start shooting the movie, I found out I was pregnant. We hadn’t even officially started trying yet, so it came as a pretty big surprise. But I was so happy, and I couldn’t wait to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone, especially when you were so far away, so I was going to surprise you when you came home. I had it all planned out. I practiced telling you standing in front of the bathroom mirror, just so I could see the stupid happy look on my face.”

I feel tears prick my eyes, and I swallow down the sob that I feel threatening to come out. I turn towards Chris, and the look on his face is heartbreaking. 

“What?” he breathes out. 

“I was at a job.....I was shooting a birthday party for a little girl who was turning one. All I could think about was that that was going to be us eventually, and it made me so happy. Everything was fine, but then I started having horrible pain in my stomach. It got so bad that I collapsed, and the parents called 911 when they realized that I was bleeding. They did an ultrasound at the hospital, but they couldn’t find the baby’s heartbeat. I had already miscarried. You don’t know anything about feeling lonely until you’re by yourself laying on a table with your feet in stirrups while a doctor cleans out your uterus.”

Chris is sunk down in one of the kitchen chairs with his hand over his mouth and tears running down his face. This is the first time he’s hearing any of this. 

“Why didn’t-” his voice cracks, and he takes a minute and clears his throat before he tries again. “Why the hell didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come home!”

“Chris, you were 8,000 miles away from home. There wasn’t anything you could do. It was too late. They had to do the procedure as soon as possible. I didn’t.....I hadn’t told anyone else that I was pregnant. And I didn’t want to call your mom or sisters because I didn’t want them to find out. I knew if they found out they would call you, and you would be devastated. And I couldn’t do that to you when you were so far away. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I was trying to protect you.”

The sound of his fist slamming against the heavy oak table makes me jump. 

“And what about over the last two years? Huh? Don’t you think that I had a right to know? Don’t you think I had the right as your husband, to be there with you? To comfort you? To mourn with you? To even have a fucking clue about what happened?” 

I take a deep breath. 

“You did.  You should have been there. You should have been there with me to hold my hand and cry with me and tell me that it was going to be okay, even though it was a lie. But you weren’t. You were doing your job. I don’t know if you realize it, but when you leave for work or press or whatever it is that you have to leave me for, you’re not the only one who’s lonely. You’re not the only one who has to deal with the silence. But you don’t see me going out and fucking someone else.”

Tears start to swim in my eyes again, and I suddenly feel like if I don’t get out of the house right now, I’m going to suffocate. I’ve been in here with Chris literally all day while we picked apart his affair, and I’m exhausted. I’m hurt and emotional and talking about the baby that we lost just made everything worse.

“I’m gonna go. I just.....I can’t handle anything else today. I know you’re probably really pissed off at me right now, and honestly, the feeling is mutual. Things are already about as bad as they can be, so I’m gonna leave before we have a chance to make it worse.”

The last thing I see before I walk out the door is Chris sitting at the table with his head in his hands, sobbing while Dodger sits on the floor next to him, whining in distress.  

 The Usual Suspects: @averyrogers83 @wordywarriorwrites @imanuglywombat @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @hlkwrites @reminiscingrogers @mom—nicole @jtargaryen18 @alexakeyloveloki @kelbabyblue @sarahp879 @moonlessnight14 @mojean13 @mrskokitztelford @artisticrogers1972 @southerngracela @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @mybesttobobcratchit @gracethegeek9902 @mdemontespan1667 @marvelfansworld @capslut2014 @dispatchvampire @jamielea81 @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety​ @nerdy-bookworm-1998​ @southerngracela​ @what-is-your-plan-today @letsdisneythings​ @theladybiers @lexeeehhh @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ @autumnrose40 @donutloverxo​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @jessaywahh-blog​@smediumsmeatbae @before-we-get-started​ @lizette50 @littlegasps @rageshots @what-is-your-backupplan-today @clairebubbles @patzammit @sweet--catrastophe @pandaxnienke @redhairedfeistynerd @hails270105 @syms-things-5 @chezdricks @denisemarieangelina @christ0pher-evans @supersquirrel1996 @thumbeliina​

[darlington-v]

I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.

[frevandrest]

Everything Wrong with Saint-Just's Introductory Scene in La Révolution française (1989)

As promised, here is an analysis of Saint-Just’s first scene from La Révolution française (1989). You can watch the scene (with English subtitles) here. It sadly misses the dramatic entrance part, but everything else is there. SPOILER: This analysis will not, in fact, cover everything wrong because there’s so much trash you can’t adequately address it in only 1000 words. 

In the scene, we see a young man with that hair rushing down the steps of the Convention (in what will be his signature dramatic! style). He pushes people way without even looking at them. There is someone at the rostrum, and many people wait to address the Convention. Saint-Just doesn’t give a fuck. “I demand to speak.” Some deputies murmur a weak protest, but they are shit out of luck because it’s time to introduce a new character, and we need to know what a jerk he is. So of course he’s granted the word. 

At first, nobody pays attention, but “just like you, I would die for this Republic”, seems to work. He delivers the speech (which contains maybe two lines from the actual one), and by the end, Marat claps, the Convention claps, Danton and Girondins are suspicious; Robespierre is in love. Camille, oh Camille, does he know he’s just been replaced? Saint-Just pouts slightly (my interpretation) but doesn’t show much emotion. Next scene: Louis receives news that he’s being put on trial. Good job, new boy. 

As first scenes go, this is a good introduction to Saint-Just as depicted in the film. But it’s also very wrong for SJ as a historical personality (what we know of him). Which sucks, because it’s not like it’s impossible to make an unsympathetic yet historically accurate SJ, if one wants to go that route. See, Saint-Just in La Révolution française is a prop; he’s not a character with his own complexities, goals or motivations. He is just there to be pretty and evil, and to take Robespierre away from Camille.

So, why is this introduction wrong? 

Let us remember that this was Saint-Just’s very first speech at the Convention. He got elected days after his 25th birthday; he was the youngest out there. Also, even with Robespierre’s support (that some claim he already enjoyed), he was an unknown; a peasant provincial from Picardie barely out of his adolescence. He wanted to prove himself and demonstrate that he was a worthy representative. Being rude and pushing people away is not really a good way to achieve that. 

Here’s the thing about Saint-Just: despite all stereotypes of the contrary, he respected authority. However, he only respected authority that he felt deserved to be respected. In 1792, “monarchy” was not it. But National Convention? Revolutionary government? Of course he respected it. He fought so much to get there, and he respected the place he was given. 

Throwing his weight around, pushing people away, demanding to speak when someone else is at the rostrum, disobeying order... It was really not Saint-Just. He hated commotion and fights that happened so often at the Jacobin club. Even on 9 Thermidor, when Tallien interrupted him and shit hit the fan, he continued to attempt to deliver the speech. They pushed him, and he kept trying to speak, without, I don’t know, punching someone in the face (La Révolution française Saint-Just totally would, which is, admittedly, one of the many, many many reasons why it sucks that they shortened and condensed Thermidor). 

The film uses “blame Saint-Just for Robespierre’s turn to darkness” approach. SJ is there to encourage Robespierre into cruelty and cold violence, and, if Robespierre starts to doubt even for a moment, to reassure him that yes, this is how things should be done, you are right Max, let’s kill them all, but particularly Camille; I can’t stand that guy for having you first  ridiculing my poetry (wait... SJ’s poetry wasn’t in the film. Why does he hate Camille, again?) Who knows. The only explanation the film provides is that Camille is Good and Saint-Just is Evil, so of course he’d want to get rid of him. 

Now, let us see about the speech itself.

The Speech

The speech Saint-Just delivers in the film contains maybe a few lines from the actual speech (notably: “this man should reign, or die”). I don’t have a problem with them not replicating the speech word for word because it followed on what other deputies talked about (which we didn’t hear)*, and because nobody has time for Antoine’s ramblings about antiquity. (And it would take around 10 minutes to act, which would probably provide us with more glorious shots of Robespierre falling in love being impressed, but it would take too much of the running time. I get that.)

So, in theory, I am fine with shortening the speech and paraphrasing, as long as the meaning and content is there. Which... it did on a surface level while also missing the point substantially.  

*Not showing SJ addressing what others said before him was understandable (condensing runtime), but it’s another thing that made it seem like he didn’t listen nor paid attention what others were doing. Also, it’s a missed opportunity to characterize him as a jerk full of himself, since his real speech basically opened with: “all that the previous guy said is bullshit, and here’s why”. 

Speech in the film: I would die for the Republic and I would fight the enemies of the Republic. We all know the name of the enemy, and I, like none here, am ready to fight against this enemy. Louis is a symbol of traitors among us. We should not hesitate; the king is an usurper. 

In short, speech in the film is, kind of, less about Louis and more about what SJ will be important later: his own sense of revolutionary righteousness and for weeding out “traitors” from the Convention. 

Another issue with the speech is that it wasn’t just about the speech - it was part of Saint-Just’s introductory scene, so we had to learn about his character through the speech. In the film, SJ is rude, cruel and cares only about... well, we are not sure, because there are no motivations whatsoever, but he is there to push Max when something bad needs to be done. I feel that his rudeness during the introductory scene and the way the speech was delivered fulfil this purpose nicely. However, I am not sure that we actually understand what Saint-Just’s speech was about, except vague “we must kill the king” vibe. 

The Aftermath

The scene following Saint-Just’s speech is that of Louis, a doting father, reading a book to his son. Men come and rudely tell him to send the child away. He is to be put on trial. The implication? Saint-Just’s speech won the crowd over and they decided to kill Louis, or at least put him on trial. 

In reality, while Saint-Just’s speech was highly noticed (his real-life dramatic entrance into Convention), the deputies did NOT listen to him. The whole point of the speech was that Louis should not be put on trial - trials are for the citizens, which he is not. Louis’ crime is not treason - the monarchy is a crime in itself. Saint-Just argued against the trial. Yes, his speech was highly influential but presenting it in this way puts way too much weight on this newcomer’s words and implies he was the key factor behind the trial.  

Other Observations

- There is a long debate among historians whether Robespierre was present for Saint-Just’s first speech on 13 November 1792. (I think the conclusion is “probably not”.) But I don’t mind this change, if nothing else, for those glorious shots of Robespierre’s heart eyes and Camille’s “wtf did this guy come from and why is Max looking at him like that?”

- Marat. It is true that he generally praised Saint-Just as an orator, but he disagreed with this speech (Marat was for trial). 

- The reason why this post is dedicated to SJ’s first scene is because I was asked/challenged to write about it. It doesn’t mean that his other scenes were any better (I’d say they were worse). In fact, the entire SJ’s character was a Thermidorized mess. 

- That being said, I don’t hate this SJ. I cannot; LRF was my introduction to the whole Frev thing and will always have a special place. Christopher Thompson was ok, particularly in some aspects of SJ. However, the whole thing was a mess and it should be criticized. 

- Hair. I promised to dedicate one full paragraph to SJ’s hair, but I... can’t. I simply cannot. I am sorry. I tried, but the words failed me. 

- This was more fun that it should have been and there are so many things I didn’t get to say (the entire performance and what this scene means for SJ as a character in the film, a more detailed analysis of the speech and comparison with the real one, etc.) But it did show that I can still vomit write 1000+ words about anything that I have any interest in, which is... good to know, I guess? (Let’s just say that I won’t be winning any SJ contest prizes for laconicism). 

[purrincess-chat]

Cat’s Definitive Ranking of Every ML Episode as of 4/22/21

Are you guys ready for this? I did the thing. You’re all welcome. Don’t ever ask me for anything again. You can watch me get progressively more unhinged in real time. 

Now, just to preface this, I did not give this too much thought. Most of these are just my gut feelings. I went through every episode and just made some snap judgments based off the lasting impressions I’ve been left with. These are my opinions. If you don’t like them, tough. And also I don’t care. Go spend 4 hours making your own damn ranking. And shut the hell up. Anyway, this is probably the longest post I’ve ever made, so I’m gonna put it all under a read more. Click on it if you have an hour to read it. Okay, here we go!

1.     Origins II- Good starting point for our heroes. Good establishment of canon ships and character dynamics. Umbrella scene literally stole my wallet. Cannot emphasis enough that I am whipped for the umbrella scene. I wrote a whole ass AU just to say how whipped I am for the umbrella scene. In the Rain will play at my wedding. Jk. Weddings are for suckers. But dammit if I don’t want these kids to get married. 10/10

2.     Origins I- Good introduction to lore. Good introduction to characters. Good establishment of status quoyo. Just good. 10/10

3.     Simon Says- Listen, I am nothing if not a shipper at heart. This episode just sparks joy. And the whole series almost ended when Gabriel almost jumped off the roof. I was really rooting for this one. This was the episode where I saw Ladrien and went yes, ma’am, I’ll have one of those. 10/10

4.     Evillustrator- Are you all surprised? Cat, the MC-skeptic ranked the pivotal MC episode so highly? Well, let me tell you all a thing, I started this fandom out a MC shipper because of this episode. Their first interaction is gold. I don’t deny that. I enjoy it. This is the MC dynamic I fell in love with. Yall toxic shippers ruined MC for me when you opened your mouths and spat in the face of Ladrien and baselessly declared MC the sin-ship. We all know it’s Ladrien. Stop kidding yourselves. Boy in leather catsuit? Please. Basic ass vanilla bitches. I’m getting off-topic. Solid episode 10/10. We love to see it.

5.     Stormy Weather- Baby’s first Miraculous episode. It holds a special place in my heart. It’s a solid episode. Good establishment of what the show is. Fun villain. Good times. Fond memories. 10/10

6.     Riposte- Listen, I know I’m an Adrinette stan, but hear me out: Ladrien. It’s just so good. And Kagami was compelling in this episode. It was just really solid. It’s my favorite s2 episode. If you ask me if I want to rewatch Riposte, the answer is always yes. 10/10. We stan.

7.     Gorizilla- Okay, so this episode has some solid Adrinette in it, but the real reason it ranks so high is that fucking Ladrien trust fall. I stare at that scene for hours, you guys. HOURS. It is absolutely just *chefs kiss*. Sometimes when I need a pick-me-up, I just go watch gifs of that catch on loop. 10/10. Beautiful. Radiant. Carefree.

8.     Gang of Secrets- I have been keeping most of my opinions to myself about s4 (mostly because I’ve backed way the hell out of this fandom), but GoS was pretty solid. Gotta say, it’s the first episode in a long time with this show that made me actually excited to see what happens next. Most other episodes I was like, okay, that was cute. The show is still meh overall. But GoS really got me like oh shit, is ML good again? 10/10 for making me feel things again.

9.     Oblivio- Told you guys this one was probably rated higher than I thought. Oblivio is just really fun. There is good Adrinette. That “No wonder I fell in love with you” paired with the softest of Adrien smiles just sends me. And the kisses. The unquestionable trust. These two kids literally woke up together alone in an elevator with no memories and said welp, you’re my boyfriend/girlfriend obviously, I don’t make the rules. Honestly, how anyone could argue that these two dorks aren’t made for each other after that episode is beyond me. 9/10

10.  Backwarder- Okay, I know I am weird and alone for this one, but I really liked this episode. It got a lot of shit for the constipation capsule thing at the end, but like who cares? We finally got some more backstory on Fu. He got a love-interest who is dope as hell. This episode is my favorite lucky charm use ever. Like that queen DID that. I like Backwarder, guys! Fuck off. 9/10.

11.  Kwamibuster- We all know I am a Marinette-stan by this point, but our girl was SHINING this episode. This bitch said gimme all them and let me go whoop this bitch’s ass, and she DID. Hawkmoth could never. Multimouse is a gift, and Marinette is a boss ass queen.  9/10

12.  Chat Blanc- Listen, this episode was very good. I enjoy the idea of my children being happy in another timeline somewhere very much. We got all 4 sides of the square in an episode. It’s just really solid. I know this is the fandom’s favorite, and everyone is gonna shit their pants because it didn’t make my top 10, but this is my list. So, I put it at number 12. It’s good. I like it. It just didn’t steal my wallet like other episodes did. Put the pitchforks down. It’s gonna be okay, you can still love it more than me. 8/10

13.  New York Special- I know everyone felt some type of way about this special, but I wasn’t mad at it. My perception of it might be clouded because I watched it in Disney World where I was chilling and having a great time, but like this special really did somethings for me. The Adrinette was top tier. Tippy top tier. Even though they hurt us in the end, I am okay with it because it just means the children will grow and come out stronger. I don’t care if it’s not technically canon. Ask me if I give a fuck. I don’t. I had fun here. 8/10. Solid.

14.  The Collector- This one might shock a lot of you, but let me paint you a scene. It’s the first episode of s2. We have just come off a 2 year hiatus. The fandom is thriving. We’re hungry for canon content. We have hopes and dreams and expectations. Everyone is going wild with theories. This episode confirmed something that was long since obvious (in my opinion) and ended the stupid arguments people had been having. It made Gabriel actually seem semi-competent. We got our first taste of how Chat/Adrien will react to his dad being Hawkmoth. We got a peek at their life. Adrien’s isolation and sadness. They were so close to figuring it out. The battle was epic. Like Collector really had them on the ropes there for a second. It’s a solid episode, yall. I’m not wrong. Hate me all you want, but this episode brought it. 8/10

15.  Despair Bear- Is this episode up this high because of the Adrinette slow dance scene? YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS. Okay, but fr though, shipping aside, this episode gave us hope that Chloe was actually gonna redeem herself. I mean, she didn’t but, we didn’t know that at the time. Seeing her run around trying to be nice was fun. And then she actually did something good, and we had a moment of okay, she’s capable. We’ll get there. We didn’t. But what a ride this episode was for making us think she would. 8/10

16.  Startrain- Cat, you’re just ranking all the Adrinette episodes highest. And? What of it? Are you surprised? You clicked a blog that has simping for Adrinette in the description, and you’re surprised all my favorite episodes have Adrinette? I’m not wrong, you’re just an idiot. The Adrinette nap cuddles aside though, this was a pretty good episode. If you don’t think too hard about the whole space thing, we got a look at Max’s life, his mom is a driven, smart lady doing her best. Adrien rebels against papa for once. Alya stops a Lila scheme. Chloe gets to play the hero. Alya and Nino actually investigate like the heroes they are. Gabriel gets to realize what a dumbass bitch he is. I mean. Guys. Startrain is solid. 7.5/10

17.  Sapotis- This one shot up in rank for me after GoS, but tbh it’s always been a solid episode. Alyanette sleepover? Check. Alya becoming a superhero? Check. It’s a fun episode. And looking back, it’s nicely called back to later in GoS. We love it. 7.5/10

18.  Sandboy- Idk why I enjoy this episode as much as I do, but I do. Sandboy is a cute bean. I love his aesthetic. We also get hilarious looks at everyone’s nightmares. “Plagg, who turned you into a sock?” cracks me up cause like Adrien, bby, no XD And Chat Noir’s nightmare. I think it would have been interesting though if since Sandboy dusted the Agreste mansion, if we got a peek at Hawkmoth’s nightmares. It would have been a nice hint of plot to go along with Master Fu’s nightmare. Also Plagg giving the akuma the slip like the clever boy we know he is deep down? 7.5/10

19.  Furious Fu- If you guys haven’t realized by now that I love Fu, idk what you’re doing. Pay attention. I know that some people don’t like him, but I’m just gonna say it, you’re wrong. Fu took care of the Miracle Box for over 100 years, and this episode kind of gives some insight to what the Order was like. Very strict. Lots of rules. And ya know what, Fu said fuck the police, I’m gonna befriend these little magical demigods, and fuck off! Like what an absolute legend. I was really happy to see him living his best life, and that he and Marianne got married because it’s what he deserves. We love to see it. 7.5/10

20.  Gamer- People like to shit on Marinette in this episode, but like honestly, if I were in her shoes, I’d have probably done the same thing if I had the skill. Ain’t nothing wrong with a girl trying to spend time with the boy she likes. And Tom and Sabine being absolute shipping trash. I love them. And the awkward Adrinette. The introduction of the lucky charm that Adrien STILL carries. Wholesome. This was a good episode for their friendship, and we love to see it. 7.5/10

21.  Christmaster- Okay, I know a lot of people hated this episode when it aired, but I thought it was really funny? Everyone skidding around in the ice rink was hilarious. If you don’t take this episode seriously, it’s really fun. Chris is pretty cute, and damn right Ladybug is the best kid in the world. Idk. This episode is fun. I’m not mad at it. Sue me. 7.5/10

22.  Weredad- What? Another MC-heavy episode in Cat’s top 30? Listen, I don’t hate canon MC. The fans just annoy me. This episode was funny. The secondhand embarrassment and cringe was real. Plagg taunting Adrien because he knows the secret was great. Marinette being a self-saving queen was great. It’s a good episode. I like MC, you guys. I do. I swear! 7.5/10

23.  Miraculer- This episode was interesting to me, and I think it’s still a good development episode. For one, Sabrina finally got her own akuma episode named after her. Secondly, because it’s a big step for Chloe, just not in the way we expected. It totally makes sense that Chloe can’t have her Miraculous back because literally everyone knows her identity. Can’t argue that logic. And she is the first person to ever refuse to become akumatized, so like mad respect. I know a lot of people had high hopes for redeemed Chloe (myself included), but I think watching a character fall from revering someone to hating them is also an interesting path. The friends to enemies arc as it were. Idk. I liked this episode. It was an opportunity for Chloe to grow, even if she didn’t in the end, but we’ll talk about that later. 7.5/10

24.  Lady Wifi- I like Alya. I feel like I don’t say that much, and people make some assumptions because of MDCSP, but MDCSP is just a concept I wanted to explore. It doesn’t really reflect how I feel about any one character. Except maybe Lila. And Gabe. But every other spite fic I’ve written branching from Chameleon, the class has been fine. Alya has been fine. So, let it be known that I like Alya. Lady Wifi was a fun episode. Putting aside the fact that she thought Chloe was Ladybug for no reason, I like her akuma. I like the interactions we get with LadyNoir in this episode. After GoS, this episode gets a bit funnier. It’s solid. 7/10

25.  Dark Cupid- I don’t have much to say about this one. LadyNoir. That’s it. That’s the tweet. Send it. 7/10

26.  Volpina- So many things about this episode. It introduced a new antagonist who we didn’t exactly 100% know was going to be an antagonist at the time. This episode sparked a lot of fun fan theories for a while. Who was Lila? How was she going to shake things up? Not to mention this episode gave us a taste of plot and lore, and set up Marinette meeting Master Fu officially. Lots of intrigue sparked from this episode. And that LadyNoir door scene? OOOOOO 7/10

27.  Hearthunter- One word: Adrigaminette. This episode was so cute for them! I loved seeing them all goofing and running around together. Adrien and Kagami being absolutely in love with Marinette when her hair is down. They both love her, I don’t make the rules. Not to mention, Marinette takes a big step by letting her friends be happy without her. Kagami not wanting to hurt Marinette. The drama!! Gabriel being a messy ass bitch to his friends. It loses points for the abomination of an akuma, but overall, I wasn’t too mad at it. Yet. 7/10

28.  Glaciator- More MC in Cat’s top 30? It’s more likely than you think. Listen. Listen… Listen. MC is fine. This episode was the closest thing to fanfiction that we got. The balcony scene was really sweet. I was drinking the irony. We got introduced to Andre the icecream fraud. Andre the please just give me the flavor I asked for man. I could have done without Chat pouting, but the LadyNoir in the end was pretty good. I wish they’d done more with Ladybug’s feelings for Chat. Had her question herself a bit more after this one, but overall, it’s cute. 7/10

29.  Zombizou- A lot of people started hating Mlle. Bustier after this episode, and like I can kind of see it, if I squint, but I did not draw that same conclusion from this episode. Mlle. Bustier just wants good things for all of her students. They’re 14 ffs, she just wants to be a good influence on all of her students and wants them all to be successful. But go off, I guess? Plus, this episode was basically just a spoof on zombie apocalypse movies. We got so many things. Julerose, Myvan, DJWifi. Chloe actually showing some depth and emotion. LadyNoir. We won this episode, babes. Sorry you didn’t get the memo. 7/10

30.  Timetagger- Okay. This is the last episode in the ones that I’d venture to call “good.” Number 30. I enjoyed Timetagger. I know people have feelings about timey-wimey bullshit, and like I’m not gonna lie and say I’m thrilled with it either (I mean, I changed the rabbit’s power in MDCSP) but that being said, Timetagger was so sassy. Bunnix was cool as hell. We get to see that LB and CN are still doing the thing in the future. So many questions sparked from this episode. It was fun. Idk. I liked it. That’s all I got. 7/10

31.  Malediktator- Okay, from this point on, less comments because this is the section that are more or less just meh to me. Like they’re fine. This episode was fine. Chloe was fine. Chat playing with the laser was cute. 6.5/10

32.  Mayura- Adrien’s speech at the end. Nuff said 6.5/10

33.  Ikari Gozen- Ryuko/Ryuuko. Gals being pals. 6.5/10

34.  Reflekdoll- I talked about this earlier, but I don’t hate this episode. It’s not as bad as people make it out to be. Sue me. 6.5/10

35.  Anansi- Nino is the goodest boy. Also I need more of the gang taking Adrien on adventures via Facetime. Stat. 6.5/10

36.  Shanghai- This one is new, and tbh I still haven’t watched it with subs, but I had a good time. Fei was cute. The boy squad was cute. Adrien bonding with Great Uncle Cheng was cute. Hawkmoth getting literally dunked on was *chefs kiss* 6.5/10

37.  Gigantitan- I love overly supportive, ride-or-die girl squad. 6.5/10

38.  Party Crasher- Idk why this episode was funny to me. Kim is the purest bean. We don’t deserve him. 6.5/10

39.  Desperada- This episode was an emotional roller coaster, and even though we all collectively hate Aspik’s stupid egghead, we love the Ladrien this episode provided us. 6/10

40.  Oni-chan- Listen, I loved seeing Lila get a tiny bit of karma even if she made it up in the end. I loved Chat going off on her. I loved seeing her get outsmarted in the end. 6/10

41.  Frightningale- My good lesbian Clara Nightingale. We stan. 6/10

42.  Style Queen- I like Audrey in a “she’s the worst person I’ve ever met, I want to travel the world with her” kind of way. She’s funny to me. Idk. I love her firing everyone. She’s the one I love to hate. She’s the worst, but we love her for it. Plus this episode gave us Plagg’s adorable little Cataclysm that destroyed half the city. 6/10

43.  Gamer 2.0- Chat confidently strutting in heels made this episode worth it. And we get to see the beginning of Marinette being overwhelmed. Plus it was the return of gamer!nette. 6/10

44.  Troublemaker- I don’t hate this episode as much as the next person either. It was fine. Jagged is a manchild, but we love him for it. He’s a Marinette stan which like mood. The Adrinette at the end was cute. I wasn’t mad at it. Idk. It’s fine. 6/10

45.  Reflekta- Where are all my Juleka stans at? I loved the LadyNoir banter in this ep. V. cute. 6/10

46.  Dark Owl- This episode was fun. And it really shows their level of trust. Plus Plagg and Tikki interacted. 6/10

47.  Timebreaker- Have I ever mentioned that I like Alix? I like Alix. 6/10

48.  Silencer- I don’t hate this episode as much as you’d expect me to, and that is 100% because of the LadyNoir. 5.5/10

49.  Prime Queen- Chat purrs. 5.5/10

50.  Syren- I think the fish power-up is adorable. Ondine is a gem. Kim is a pure bean, but we been knew. 5.5/10

51.  Befana- I like Gina, but this episode fell flat for me. Almost as flat as the animation. 5.5/10

52.  Reverser- Another episode that everyone hates that I am actually fine with. This episode made me like Nathaniel more. Probably because I was previously indifferent toward him. Marc is cute too. 5.5/10

53.  Mr. Pigeon- Marinette is one clever girl. And the Adrinette hand-touch. 5.5/10

54.  Felix- Felix is a gremlin of chaos. A true chaotic neutral. He gives his uncle the finger, and I think that’s beautiful. 5.5/10

55.  Truth- Bet you expected this episode to be higher. While I did enjoy watching toxic people’s world crumble, this episode still gets a meh from me dog. 5/10

56.  Lies- The Adrigami was cute, and I respect Kagami as a character. The akuma could have been better tho. 5/10

57.  Princess Fragrance- Not much to say here. 5/10

58.  Copycat- 5/10

59.  Bubbler- 5/10

60.  Mime- 5/10

61.  Animan- 5/10

62.  Robostus- 5/10

63.  Ladybug- This episode ranks this low purely because I don’t care about GabeNath, and I hate that Lila won something in the end. But Adrien saying I won’t hesitate, bitch! At the end was nice to see. 5/10

64.  Catalyst- I know I ranked Mayura way higher, but Catalyst fell flat for me. Like it was fine. Wasn’t as into it though. 4.5/10

65.  Puppeteer- One of my favorite lucky charm uses. 4.5/10

66.  Pixelator- My favorite Cataclysm. 4.5/10

67.  Horrificator- That almost-Adrinette kiss tho 4.5/10

68.  Pharaoh- 4.5/10

69.  Kung Food- 4.5/10

70.  Rogercop- 4/10

71.  Guitar Villain- 4/10

72.  Dark Blade- 4/10

73.  Bakerix- 4/10

74.  Antibug- And now onto the bottom 10. To start us off, I will just say: UGH, this episode annoyed me. First of all, Sabrina didn’t even get her own episode. Chloe was a piece of shit. Idk why they made Ladybug the one in the wrong when Chloe was being obnoxious. Ugh. 3/10

75.  Captain Hardrock- I’m gonna be honest. My apathy for this episode has grown into loathing. Toxic stans are 100% to blame. Birthday ruining, bitches. This is the reason I threw a breakup bash after Truth. Yall deserved it. 3/10

76.  Christmas Special- I didn’t hate this episode as much as everyone, but it still wasn’t great. 2.5/10

77.  Stormy Weather 2.0- This episode was really dumb. It didn’t need to exist. 2.0/10

78.  Queen Wasp- Why did we give Chloe a Miraculous after this episode? 2/10

79.  Animaestro- Did we really need a self-insert? Did we really? 2/10

80.  Puppeteer 2.0- Listen, this episode would have made more sense in s1 or at the very latest early s2. Adrien gave a whole ass speech on how great Marinette is, then he turns around and is like idk if she likes me… Clean it up. 2/10

81.  Miracle Queen- I could talk at length about how much I hate the ending of this episode and what they did with Chloe and Master Fu, but we’re just going to remain calm and give it a solid 1.5/10

82.  Frozer- This episode made no goddamn sense. I call bullshit on so many things. Just ugh. 1/10

83.  Chameleon- Surprisingly, even though this episode sparked many, many spite fics out of me, it’s not my least favorite because at least Ladybug semi-redeemed this episode. Still really dumb and ooc tho. 1/10

84.  Feast- Okay, okay, okay, here we are. Bottom of the barrel. Cat’s most hated episode, and you wanna know why? You want to know why this episode fills me with the rage? Because we spent two fucking seasons building up all this mystery and lore and intrigue surrounding Fu’s big mistake, and they dropped the fucking ball! They did my mans so dirty! They could have really deepened his character, deepened the Order, deepened anything other than whatever fucking affair Gabriel and Nathalie have going on, but NO. They made it some stupid, bland-ass thing that got resolved magically in the end, then just ignored it for the rest of the season. I will never not be salty about how they did my boy Fu in this show. I’m happy he found his peace, but fuck if I’m not livid about how they did it. Whatever. Chat being done with Ladybug’s shit when they’re about to get eaten was funny I guess. .5/10

[wannaliveattheholidayinn]

Ok, But Seriously, I Have Thoughts

I have... really mixed feelings about this episode, so I'm gonna talk about those feelings. And if my feelings about zep as a show and this season come out during that... so be it. (Seriously, this got long. I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry). Also spoilers for the new ep below the cut, but y'all should've been able to guess that

- I... Zimon seriously deserves just so much better. We saw them as a couple together for three episodes, and they honestly weren't explored enough. Zimon... and this is a very personal opinion, but they really do strike me as a couple who never fully leave the honeymoon phase... like ever. Like, of course, they'll fight and disagree on a lot of things, but they also can have adult children, and just kind of act like newlyweds even if they've been married for over twenty years. And again, I know that's a very personal opinion, but I mean... we all knew c/arkeman was gonna be endgame, and it just feels like zimon was never given an actual chance.

- However, I do very much appreciate that their breakup was not messy, there's still clearly a ton of respect for the other on both of their sides, and that Simon is okay.

- "We didn't belong together." No, you fucking did.

- I am not going to stop writing Zimon fanfic either. In fact, this might spur me to write more and work harder on writing Zimon fanfic.

- Rose. Fucking. Deserves. Better. I'm not even gonna elaborate on this one. We all know it.

- Despite the fact that I fucking hate c/arkeman and that it was very, very rushed... I'm giving acting and singing props to Jane. I Melt With You is a song that's extremely personal to me. It helped get me through a point in my life where... I was constantly feeling at war with others, myself, and even felt unsafe in my own home (something I still feel today, no matter how irrational I know it is). I just generally feel a strong connection to every version of the song bc of that, whether it's the original or the Bowling for Soup cover (that was in Sky High!), and... Jane just has a way of making me feel safe when she sings. So, I really, really loved her cover.

- Um... yeah, I'm gonna be real, I don't like the idea of Max having powers. I don't know, I just think it kinda changes the whole original concept of the show, and I'm not a big fan of that...

- Simon! Simon working on changing SPRQ Point!!!!

- I do not really like how they handled Simon's racial bias/systemic racism in coding storyline *after* episode six (aka it only really being mentioned in passing, not being further explored, etc.), but,,, credits due where it's due I guess? I like how they handled him going to Danny Michael Davis, and how DMD listened.

- Sidenote, I kinda find it weird we as a fandom don't refer to him as Danny... it's Danny Michael Davis, DMD, or fucking Willy Wonka jokes. Makes sense I guess.

- Um... the writing was just... so lazy. Yeah. It's... really sad, I think that the show would've benefitted from even one less ep. But on the other hand... lazy writing is lazy writing.

- I think it would've been better - honestly - if Zoey's feelings of loss hadn't been connected to Max in a romantic way, but in a platonic/familial way. We didn't see a ton of their friendship, and yeah,, I hate Max, but there are a few moments there where you can see a legitimate friendship that's really sweet. I also think if they had maybe explored Zoey's fear of losing Simon as well as Max and centered the finale more on Zoey telling Simon about her power, it would've just been a lot better.

- But... honestly, after I just aired out all my issues with this episode (and the season too kinda),,, I honestly liked it. I hate that Zimon broke up and I just generally hate cl*arkeman but... this ep had some really great moments. Zoey and Mitch were beautiful to see again. Mctobin, Davidemily, and Mo x Perry were all absolutely my favorite parts of the episode. Hell, I'll even admit I... well I don't wanna say laughed considering I was so close to crying, but I let out a weird, breathy noise resembling a laugh when Zoey just blurted out she and Simon had broken up.

I don't want to say it was a bad episode, because I did honestly, enjoy ~parts~ of it... but... it wasn't even that cl/arkeman happened, I knew it would, but how it did... it just honestly (my g.od i need to stop writing that word) seemed like they were trying to kill off or like... fucking quash *any* hope Zimon shippers may have had,,, and the writing was just so fucking lazy, I just...

I started the show after dance one night because my teacher showed us the Help! number bc he was an extra in it. And I had already been intrigued by the few ads I had seen for it. So, my mom and I watched it, and we loved it. So we kept watching. And it was good! It was really good! Sure it could be cheesy, but... that didn't matter. I latched on...

I don't know if, ZEP is gonna get renewed, and if it is, I don't know if I'll watch it if/when it does. I latch on to shows really fucking hard when I do latch on. It's why I keep rewatching The Good Place and why I'll never forgive Freeform/Disney/Marvel for canceling Cloak and Dagger. The way I latch onto things is probably a bit unhealthy. And the fact of the matter is, despite everything, my overwhelming feelings about ZEP are positive. And I latched on. I'd honestly do it all over again.

I have a lot of feelings about this fandom and this show, both positive and negative. Still, I love it. Unconditionally. Ultimately, I don't care if Zoey ends up with Max or Simon (though, seriously, she and Simon are made for each other). It's a good fucking show, ships shouldn't be everything that matters.

I began lurking in this fandom when I was fifteen. I began posting fanfic for it when I was sixteen. I'm almost seventeen now. I was planning to get Tumblr when I was seventeen. I also knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I hadn't made my presence here known if it didn't get renewed.

I want to thank @simon-haynes because, uh, holy fuck, I adore you. Running a blog for fandom is something I couldn't even fathom, especially when a large portion of the fandom doesn't like your ship. I legitimately can't believe you followed me.

Thank you to @jennakang. You are, honestly, one of the best writers I've ever read from. You were so incredibly supportive of my writing on ao3, despite the fact you didn't know who I was, and that really meant the world to me. Thank you so much for your contributions to the fandom. Also, uh, fun fact, I was the anon who, after you expressed the want to write the quarantined Zimon fic, sent in that ask that was like "please do!" and also "hope I'm not being pushy about this". I don't know if you remember that at all, but your response meant the world to me.

And uh, lastly @myheartissetinmotion. Um, wow. I know we barely know each other, but I can honestly say, you have been my anchor for this whole show. I love both your Tori content on TikTok as well as just zep content you do on there, and how you wrote her into zep on ao3. I personally like to think of you as the pioneer of Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist Tok. You were pretty unbiased when it came to ships on there, and that made me feel safe in a place where there were virtually no zimon shippers. Your content was funny, and I always found myself laughing or screaming "accurate" at it. I know, I'm the nuisance who every few months DMs you about something zep related, but I hope you know, you made me feel both seen and somewhat appreciated in this fandom. I cannot thank you enough, Isabella 💗

I know Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist may not be ending. But this still oddly feels like the end of an era. I'm not leaving the fandom, I plan to keep posting fanfic for it and everything. I just want everyone who may be reading this to know I love this fandom and I would not take any moment here back.

Also, this is me formally asking for a link to a Discord group chat since I know it exists but I'm too scared to actually ask any of you for it directly.

[sickly-qt]

Long Distance

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted any fics, for some reason I’ve been incapable of writing. This was based off of a prompt that I saw and can’t find now :) Anyway, I’m sorry if this is complete garbage I’ve read it through so many times I can’t tell anymore.

Warnings: Descriptions of vomit, Mentions of mental illness (not very descriptive)

Max was sprawled across his sister’s couch waiting for her to get home from work. He had let himself in after he got off his flight and has been in the same spot since. He had a headache and his stomach kind of hurt but he just kind of contributed it to the traveling. He was also in a bad mood due to the fact that he was in Seattle at all. He was bored and a little miserable and he eventually decided to call Julian.

“Hey, Maxi. How’s Seattle? Was your flight okay?” Julian asked as soon as he answered the phone.

“Hi, Babe. It’s… rainy, and y’know, flights are flights I guess.” Max responded, rolling onto his back on the couch. He could hear that Julian was doing something, he could hear voices and commotion in the background of the phone call.

“That sounds like it sucks, um. Max hold on, give me a couple minutes and then I’ll facetime you okay?” Julian said abruptly.

“Oh, uh. Okay.” Max barely got out before Julian hung up.

Max was caught a little bit off guard by how Jules seemed to have brushed him off and honestly a little hurt. His stomach was starting to actually feel upset and he was really just plain miserable.

Within a couple minutes, Max’s phone started ringing, it was a facetime call from his boyfriend.

“Sorry about that Maxi, it was just really loud downstairs Mila and Remy were having a game night.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t have to call back if you were busy.” Max responded, He could see Jules walking around his room before settling on his bed.

“Oh, no it’s okay. It wasn’t really for me anyway. What’s up, is everything okay?”

Max shrugged, “I’m just bored and I’m not really feeling too hot.”

“You’re not feeling well?” Julian asked, clearly concerned.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just have a little headache and my stomach is kinda upset. I think it’s just from flying and not really getting much sleep.”

“Mm, are you tired?”

“Not really, I just feel kind of sick.” 

“I’m sorry baby, I really am. Do you usually get this way from flying?”

“No, I just- I don’t know.” Max sighed and rubbed his face. “I just want a distraction until my sister gets home from work.”

“Okay, well I can stay on the phone for however long you need.” 

They were on the phone for a while, talking about trivial things that didn’t really matter.

“Hey baby, how about you sleep for a little bit.” Julian said when he noticed Max dozing off.

Max nodded, getting more comfortable on the couch. “Alright.”

“Are you feeling any better?” He asked before Max had the chance to fall asleep.

He shook his head tiredly, “No, but I’m tired.” He yawned, “Will you stay on the phone?”

“Mhm, of course.”

Julian watched netflix on his computer while Max was sleeping on their call. He got through about two episodes of New Girl before he started to wake up.

“Hey.” Jules said quietly, smirking at Max’s hair as he lifted his head. “How’re you feeling?”

Max rubbed his face and yawned before picking up his phone and sitting up, “I feel like I’m going to throw up.” He mumbled, sighing deeply. “I’m really nauseous.”

“Oh, babe. Your sister should be getting home soon right?” Julian asked.

Max looked at the time and nodded, “Yeah, I’m sorry for keeping you I just feel really sick.”

“Maxi, it’s fine. I’m not doing anything anyway and even if I were I would still sit on the phone with you while you’re sick.”

“I just feel bad, sitting on the phone with your boyfriend who was forced to take a mental health getaway while he pukes isn’t an ideal Saturday evening.”

“No, on an ideal Saturday evening I would be there with you.” Julian said, noticing that Max had gotten up.

“While I get sick?” Max asked, sinking to the floor of his sister’s bathroom.

“Yes, even while you get sick.” Julian answered without hesitation. “Are you going to be sick?” Max had set his phone on the floor leaving Julian staring at the underside of the toilet and the ceiling.

Max laughed nervously and cleared his throat, “Uh… yeah. I’m sorry, you can hang up.”

“Stop telling me to hang up Max. I’m staying on the phone until your sister gets home, okay?”

“You’re too good for me.” He mumbled, leaning further over the toilet.

“No, I’m not. You’re wonderful and kind and caring and you’d do the same thing for me. Which is exactly why I love you babes.”

“I don’t know why you always do this.” Max whined, before his voice caught and he gagged harshly.

“Aw, Maxi. Are you okay?” Julian asked as he heard the sickening splash of his boyfriend’s stomach contents reaching the toilet. Max had no time to respond before another wave rocketed up his throat, his retches echoing through the small apartment bathroom. He cleared his throat and coughed weakly, bringing up a splash of what had to be last night’s dinner at this point. 

“Max?” Julian called, desperately wanting him to answer.

“I’m okay.” Max responded, his voice quiet. “That was really gross.” he mumbled more to himself, grabbing some toilet paper to blow his nose and flushing the toilet before picking up his phone.

“I love you too by the way, I just hate that you always spring these things on me when I’m seconds away from puking my brains out.” He said with a weak smile.

“What does that mean?” Julian asked.

“You asked me out right before I vomited all over my shoes in a desert, and now you tell me you love me when I have my head buried in the toilet and I’m a 2 hour plane ride away in fucking Seattle.” 

“Oh, I’ve never told you that I love you before? I thought I did.” Julian blushed.

“Nope. That was a first and I love you too. I just would’ve preferred this moment not forever be associated with the feeling of overwhelming nausea.” He groaned and pushed himself off of the floor, “Jesus, I feel really bad.” 

“Throwing up didn’t help at all?” Julian asked.

Max shrugged and walked back out to the living room before collapsing back on the couch, “I don’t feel like i'm in imminent danger of vomiting anymore, but i still feel pretty sick.” Max’s head turned as Julian heard the sound of a door opening.

“Hey, Max! Sorry I’m late. The nurse who was supposed to relieve me messed up her schedule.... again.” A woman’s voice said. “You look worse for wear… rough flight?”

“Rough couple of months.” Max scoffed, looking down at the phone, “My sister’s home, I guess I can let you go.”

Julian nodded, “Okay, text me and let me know how you’re feeling then.” 

“I will, I’m sure you’ll be tired of facetiming me by the time I’m back.” He said, laughing weakly.

“I’d never get tired of you.” Julian responded, “Get some rest, drink some water. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

“I’ll see you in two weeks… I love you.”

Julian couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, “I love you too.”