#i mean this in the most and least lighthearted ways possible

[antennatoheaven]

i don't care that there's a murderbot tv show in the works. it should have been animated instead

[santostrife]

Helpful guide for anon!

[gay-otlc]

getting in the conversation before any anon hate does

ok so im 14 (for later context) and my main OCD themes are "just right", moral, and harm, but i do get POCD themes when the moral n harm ocd decides it really hates me, and like. you're so right antiship tumblr is hell

i have genuinely felt like a pedophile for being attracted to hunter from the owl house bc of these people. he is 16. I AM YOUNGER THAN HIM???? AND ALSO HE'S FAKE??? but like my brain is already so set up for this (i also feel like a pedo sometimes for being attracted to my friend. who is a month and a half older than me, again) that antiship tumblr just immediately makes everything worse. i don't 100% agree with either side (it's. bad for the whole moral OCD stuff), but i do 100% agree that antishippers need to get some serious nuance when it comes to throwing around the word "pedophile"

Whoooo congratulations on beating the hate anons

Anyway, I'm sorry you're dealing with the bad OCD thoughts and I'm sorry tumblr is making it worse. The antiship side of tumblr is so very good at finding people who already feel guilty about their sexual thoughts and making them feel guiltier. It's shitty.

FJASDKFJDS yeah POCD is so fucking weird for making you feel like you're a pedophile for being attracted to someone who is... not even younger than you. It would be funny if it wasn't so distressing. I actually had a similar conversation the other day where I was laughing/crying about the fact that my POCD brain thought I was a pedophile for being attracted to someone who's younger than me by about a month. The thoughts make no sense :///

Yeah, I don't really fall on either side of the shipcourse (I think the whole thing is dumb and completely disregards nuance) but antis just piss me off a lot more than proshippers, and they're the ones triggering my POCD, so they're the ones I tend to complain about.

Anyway yeah thank you for sharing and for not being a hate anon, I hope you have a good day and your intrusive thoughts and tumblr antis both leave you alone.

[maibeenot]

Last one about TUA season 4, for now.

(I talked about this in the tags of one of my RBs before but I wanted to elaborate)

I don't like how they keep trying to make Five a badass.

I find it especially frustrating as doing this constantly, bogs down any form of character development we could've had from Five.

For whatever reason, the writers seem to be allergic to acknowledging Five's biggest character flaw, his arrogance. Five always has to be right. He always has to be capable of everything and never needs any help. Despite the fact that Diego also has a very similar flaw (and is punished for it consistently), Five's seems to go completely untouched.

(A part of me thinks that the reason why they punish Diego so much more is because he comes off as the hot-headed impulsive one. While that's true, it certainly doesn't negate Five's ability to make mistakes or be incompetent)

Instead, they keep trying to invent a new flaw for Five in that; he is obsessed with the apocalypse. In reality, he's not obsessed with the apocalypse. He's obsessed with keeping his family safe. It just so happens that their most immediate threat (in his eyes) tends to be the apocalypse. (I really don't understand what they're trying to get at with this, especially considering the fact that he already has an extremely apparent flaw)

While this isn't an issue I take with season 4 specifically, it has definitely amplified this issue like crazy. Five's arrogance is vaguely addressed by his siblings in season 1, but it never seems to get him in trouble? Or at least he doesn't seem to have learned from it (except for the time-travelling thing from when he was 13, and when he bled out also in season 1)

Season 1 (and 2) handled it the best out of the four. Five never seems to ask for or accept help unless backed into a corner (telling Viktor about the apocalypse, asking Klaus to help him get the prosthetic eye). Or if he is literally incoherent or unconscious (him passing out from blood loss, him being drunk and telling Diego and Luther about what's happening).

And outside of that, Five's arrogance still had brutal consequences within this season (him not noticing Viktor's declining mental state because he was so sure about the apocalypse (but this was partially because this man tunnel-visions like crazy)).

(there are probably more instances of this with s1 & 2, i just can't think of them off the top of my head so tag them if you'd like)

Season 4 is extra mean with this. From the 'Five getting to work for the CIA at 19' to 'Five randomly figuring out what's causing the end of the world with a bunch of other Five's' while he was off moping.

And when he does make mistakes, it's not because he's actually not capable of everything and anything.

Noooo, Ben really really sneakily stole the marigold and spiked the sake. Five couldn't have possibly noticed. (and none of the other siblings for that matter)

Noooo, it's because Luther is actually super smart in figuring out that Five's boss is a Keeper (no shade to Luther btw, I like him. They just don't treat this moment as Five being a complete dumbass).

Oh no! Five (and Lila) can't figure out a way back from the metro! Never mind, another Five managed it.

Five being a homewrecker? That's him being an asshole, not incompetent so it doesn't count (lighthearted).

Five's arrogance one of his defining flaws, yet it's not really challenged. The fact that he gets away with a lot of bullshit is simply because he can! When he doesn't face failure, he doesn't find growth. He doesn't learn to stop being self-destructive just because he thinks he can do anything. He doesn't learn to reach out.

This stunt in growth is obviously not only present in Five but also everyone else. I just find his to be particularly grating since he's my favorite.

Feel free to add your thoughts to this, not just about Five's fucked up character growth but everyone else's too!

(I'll make long a ass post/video essay going into detail about all of them one of these days)

I'd love to read them :)

[lackadaisycats]

Why does Fablepaint draw such mean spirited art of Rocky. Is it a personal sense of humor kind of thing? Or does disturbingly mean spirited art the only way for FablePaint to draw this character. Is it possible for some more lighthearted and optimistic stories regarding Rocky to show up anytime soon? I’m not saying this to try to be offensive or aggressive, I just think the world’s depressing enough, why make the fictional world sad as well. I do love the comic, I just wish it was happier.

I don't think Fable's art of Rocky is especially mean-spirited. At least no more so than mine has been. Rocky has always been a character with a knack for getting himself into trouble. I do know that Fable likes Rocky and finds various aspects of Rocky's personality and circumstances pretty relatable. I think a lot of what you're seeing actually comes from a place of affection, and maybe even a little bit of vicarious self-deprecation. I will tell you from my own experiences, this is very common among creators (myself included). A character may not be an intended self-insert of any sort, but you inevitably still end up with bits and pieces of yourself reflected therein. And in many ways, you're also inevitably sorting out some turmoil close to your own heart through the character and the story they inhabit.

-----------------

About the broader topic of sad things in fiction... Yeah, the world is harsh, cruel, and unfair even at the best of times, but I don't think art that fully disregards this does much service to anyone. The most fluffy, pastel-colored, marshmallow-mild media will still tend to present us with some conflict, because that's how a story manages to resonate. It's hard to convey something meaningful about human resilience, or abiding love, enduring friendship, confronting inner demons, triumph over injustice, or about the absurdity of living without acknowledging the darkness. Even if you're just writing something to make light of the implacable dark, it must be there for you to laugh at.

I think it's fine to use fiction as a temporary retreat from your own real life concerns. And I think it's fine to have comfort characters who you turn to when you need some uplifting. There are a lot of really sweet and lovely fan-works featuring Rocky out there that are much gentler with him than Fable or I will be. You can stick with those! That's okay! But canonically, he's part of a story about a tumultuous time in history, and a tumultuous time in his own troubled life. He's a flawed character surrounded by other flawed characters. He's willfully taken on the role of a violent criminal, in fact. And though I don't think the story of Lackadaisy is without happy, silly, lighthearted aspects, it's not only that. I can't change that without undoing everything I've been working toward. I hope that's understandable.

[scarefox]

Haven't watched anything KristSingto recently but he's right

You can think of fanservice what you want. But the moment you want to police or censor it, it turns into something really problematic. And this stance comes from 2 or even 3 different oppinioned sides but they ironically melt into the same outcome.

But at the end of the day most people forget / ignore, regardless of anything, fanservice still helps normalising public queer affection. And let's be real, most of the stuff in those stage and event shows are that... a show or even a performance! Do you protest at your local theater when they have queer characters kissing? Do you notice how this sounds in a sentence? Yes actors are real people and not characters but especially BL actors & idols still perform stage shows and kind of have a public enertainer persona. You notice how different they are on stage vs. in their personal live streams + nowadays most actors are even very honest about just doing fs for show & fun and often genuine (platonic) affection towards their acting partner but don't pretend to be actual dating (and the ones who do will most likely not lightheartedly come out with it like that... apparently there are exceptions but I have not enough insight on them to judge). You should watch some serious interviews or live stream (translations) of your favs now and then maybe to learn more about them and the industry, they are more than just pretty faces... Actors in just my bubble who talked open about the fanservice topic as far as legally possible at least: JamesSu, Perth Nakhun and I guess we can count Pavel and Nut as well.

What fans make out of it is a whole different story.... and one of the reasons people want to shut down fanservice as a whole. But imagine how lighthearted, fun and easy going this whole thing could be if we didn't had all these toxic naive fans who think every interaction is proof of actors dating (or worse: cheating) in RL. That mindset of "we are BL fans of course we are delulu" is not a joke anymore among some of them. They srsly take pride in that... babes you are part of the problem, stop encouraging it!

Then on the other side, being critical of some of the practices of the industry is one thing but it should not lead into backwards queer censoring... but that's what some are swaying to with their "real people queerbait" agenda or getting the cringes when (samesex) people interact romantically or erotically during live events (that's a bit of a you thing my dears. not necessarily in a queerphobic way but in a purity / shy way and that is a you problem to deal with not anyone elses problem)....

And a lot of people don't even understand or get what most people criticise about fanservice and just jump onto the ban-fanservice train. Without understanding the nuances nor the actual industry circumstances. Like one main argument here isn't even true. Lot of people assume actors get forced into fs. Which is not true (source: one of Perth Nakhuns Q&A vids, the 2. vid i think). BL actors usually know what they get into by entering the industry, decide with eo how much they want to do. Now that can still cause internal personal conflicts like one going over board or not playing enough but that's human miscommunication. Or companies can still be bastards but it's unfair to generalise it over the whole industry when we nowadays have companies who give their actors that freedom.

There are still some points to criticise, definitely. Like I personally dislike how MCs and sponsors sometimes treat actors during events or how fans scream at every little move or glance like crazy.... But the topic is a bit more nuanced (as always in this world) than how most people look at it. I just mean it really always sticks out when you talk with people about their reasons why they are anti fanservice that they just repeat after another with no sources or without actual up to date information or only look at it from one side.

I personally am in the middle. I only like fs when the actors have fun with it and are transparent about it. In the end it comes down to actors consent what they want to give to the audience (reason why it annoys me when people write "i feel like i am interrupting something here / am intuding their privacy" the actors consented! they want you to watch if you want to see it! consent babes! it is fine)

(when i see someone coming in with "but Krist is a homophobe" I will bite you. I am not even his fan and already researched what happened back then when I first saw those accusations when I got into BL 2021ish. It is really not that hard to look up the source and reports of people who were live pressent at the time to understand what went down back then. Ya know instead of believing rumors that twist and lie for rage bait)

[yandere-romanticaa]

I need some Yandere Bokuto and Yandere Akaashi! Maybe together because of the friendship bokuto and akaashi have if thats alright (If not then do it seperate)

This would be one of the most functional pairs to have, even despite their stark and clashing personalities.

You most likely met them in highschool and it was a blast to be around them. Albeit, a bit intense at times. Bokuto was incredibly difficult to keep up with, especially if you're on the more introverted side. He wants you to attend absolutely every single game he and Akaashi are in, he's not even against you coming to practice either! Please do just that, it boosts him so much!

Even if he does get distracted by your smile sometimes but who cares! He certainly does not!

Bokuto is like a whirlwind storm - you never know when to expect him but you know that once he steps close there will be nothing but chaos. He's fun, kind. Gentle even. He tries to be, for you. He can be oblivious towards your feelings sometimes but he always has your best interests at heart.

He would never forgive himself if something happened to you.

Bokuto is needy, incredibly so. If he's not holding or kissing you 24/7 then what's even the point? You give him energy, your mere presence gives him drive and confidence like nothing else. Soon enough his presence starts to become suffocating. He is so deeply intertwined in your life, like sticky glue which you can't shake off no matter how hard you try. He managed to force his way into every possible crevice inside your life and he is always aware of what he's doing. His perfectionist nature commands him to do so.

However, if Bokuto is the powerful storm itself, Akaashi is the calm before the storm.

He lurks. Constantly.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depends who you're asking) there are times when Bokuto can't be with you no matter how badly he wants to be. Akaashi becomes something of a second shadow of yours, constantly tailing after you, taking care of you in the most subtle yet gentle ways. He offers you water regularly, he has you wear his warm jacket on warm days and he regularly chastises you if you think of doing something stupid. He's not completely sweet to you though, his dry personality does not allow for that.

Akaashi throws all sorts of remarks your way but they're never hurtful. Bokuto is usually the victim for his quick witted jabs, but, when he says them to you they're just. Different. They're laced with affection and playfulness but his stoic face masks the true meaning behind his words. He keeps tabs on you in any way he can and Bokuto quickly catches on to this.

They don't have a proper discussion about the situation they're in. The two just come to a silent agreement that they will share you. They already know each other well and their trust cannot be shaken. Neither one is against sharing you with the other.

There are times when you are a fun trio of idiots, simply living life. You have dinner and goof off. Bokuto makes you laugh and Akaashi feeds you fresh food from the table. Bokuto has an iron clad grip on your waist while Akaashi blocks your exit. Despite the lighthearted atmosphere, there's a thick layer of tension in the air. They smile, but it's not reaching their eyes.

Could they be hiding something?

You are paranoid, you rationalize. What could these two clowns have something to hide?

Time passes, you're all still as thick as thieves. Bokuto has become a professional volleyball player and Akaashi became a manga editor. Due to his strict schedule, Bokuto can't see you as often as he'd like... Which is all day, every day. At least in highschool he had the excuse of classes but now?

He's got nothing!

That's where his good old pal Akaashi comes in.

He sends Bokuto photos daily. The duo have countless folders dedicated to you, all of which have different themes and aesthetics. Akasshi sneaks in as many as he can and you won't ever catch him in the act.

He has years of experience snapping photos of you in every way imaginable. If you ever had the misfortune of looking into his computer files, he'd go to jail for life.

Despite their hectic schedules, both of them manage to keep a tight leash on you. Bokuto is quick to make work of anyone who has any sort of romantic inkling towards you, unless Akaashi tears into them first with his sharp tongue.

Neither option is safe. If you're on the receiving end of either, you will be left in a puddle of your own tears. Perhaps even blood.

You cry and complain to them - why have all your friends left you? Was there something wrong with you? Why was no one looking at you, what sort of defect did you have?

Akaashi's shirt is soaked in your bitter tears as he has his hands on your shoulders while Bokuto sits behind you, his chest pressed straight against your back. He is doing everything he can to not pounce on you right there and then but he knows better - patience is key. Pity he lacks that quality.

Luckily for him though, Akaashi has it in spades.

And they sit there with you on the sofa, the soft pitter patter of the rain hitting the window as you sob your heart out towards your two closest friends, oblivious to all of the things that they have done. You don't know how many people Bokuto had to beat up in order to get you where you are. You don't know how many people Akaashi had to scare the living crap out of in order to have you in his arms.

Bokuto gently blows in your ear, most likely in a teasing manner. You look up and in your shaky gaze are met with Akaashi's hungry stare, his dark eyes boring so deep into your own that you feel as though he could swallow you whole. A pair of powerful arms wrap themselves around your waist, securing you in place as Bokuto places his lips on your neck. He nibbles on the soft flesh as Akaashi leans in and steals the kiss he had dreamed about all those years ago.

Finally, they have you. No one is coming for you, they made sure of it. You don't need anyone anymore. They are your world from this point onwards.

[deadlynavigation]

I think this is the place for requests? But honey, please I beg I think this is the place for requests? If so, can you to do a male! Wednesday Addams x reader where either (1) he’s super ultra clingy with the reader all day or (2) the reader meets his friends for the first time and he ends up being quite possessive even though MOST, not all, his friends know not to do anything? Thhhaaaannnkkkk yyyoooouuuu ❤️

Clingy

Warnings: mentions of not eating, like one swear, insinuations to smut (all very minor)

Author’s note: This was such a fun request! I went with the first one bc i honestly don’t know who Wednesday would befriend. Hope you enjoy 😊

It’s a silent Saturday morning in winter. No birds chirp outside, no sunlight glares at you through your windows, no visitors brave the cold in order to come visit you and Wednesday. It’s perfect.

You’re snuggled up in your warmest blankets, nabbed from the dusty linen closet. Wednesday chose a more unconventional way of warming up, which is to hold on to you as if you’re going to suddenly disappear. And though you appreciate the sentiment, you need to get up–you’ve been laying here for half an hour, waiting for your partner to rouse and remove himself from you. So far, he’s stayed fast asleep.

Soon, it’s been an hour, and you’re getting quite restless.

“Wednesday, babe.” you whisper-shout, wiggling around in his grip. No response.

“Wednesday,” You repeat in a louder voice, shaking him a little as you try to escape. This does the trick, and he slowly gets up before settling back down and holding you tighter than he was before.

You’re now even more trapped–that wasn’t part of the plan. “No, honey, I need to get up. I wanted to get to the shops today, remember?”

Wednesday looks at you with a mischievous glint in his eye as he pulls you impossibly closer to him. “Cara mia,” he says with a kiss to your lips. You start to melt into it, your body seeking the comfort this man provides, before you remember your mission. You pull back, breaking the spell.

“Wednesday, I’m serious. I actually want to do things today.”

He sighs and reluctantly lets go of you. “If you must.” You smile, pressing a quick kiss to his lips that he tries to prolong. You scurry away before he can and jump out of bed, eager to make up for the time lost. There’s a long list of shit to get done today, and it’s going to hang over your head until it’s complete. Wednesday is well aware of this, but that doesn’t mean he encourages it–so he makes it as difficult as possible for you to fall into that pattern.

Wednesday quietly observes you from the bed as you go through the motions, only dragging himself out of his comfy nest when you open the closet. You’ve shedded your pajamas already, on the hunt for some clothes suitable for running errands.

He wraps his arms around your waist, watching your face as you consider your options. Of course, he thinks you’d look fabulous in anything (including nothing), but he’s been told that’s not a very helpful opinion. So Wednesday leaves you to your decisions while he burrows into your neck, landing the occasional peck on your skin. His breath tickles your neck, and you can feel his words as he mumbles about it being much too early for you to be up.

Soon enough, you turn to him with a warning in your eyes. Wednesday can be very distracting, and you can’t let yourself fall into his arms just yet. Instead, you walk further into the closet and grab some trousers along with a top you were eyeing, throwing them on and covering Wednesday’s favorite view.

“Must you go, my love? There is so much to do here.” He whines. You pay no mind to him, strutting out the door and down the steep staircase.

Wednesday chases after you. “Will you at least eat first?”

You turn to him, and as desperate as you are to stay put and give Wednesday all of yourself, you hold strong. You walk back to where he stands at the start of the stairs, wrapping your arms around his neck and touching your nose to his in a lighthearted gesture. “My love, I promise, as soon as I get home we’ll eat or cuddle or do any other plans you had.” You seal your promise with a kiss.

Wednesday groans as you pull away, chasing after your mouth before settling. “But right now?”

“But right now, I have to get to town.” And with that, you nab the car keys from one of the many tables in the mansion’s foyer and briskly walk out the door.

It feels like it’s been days to Wednesday when you finally return, the door slamming shut behind you as you try to balance bags on your hips. Almost like a cat, Wednesday strolls up to you, stealing both bags before setting them down and pulling you to him by your shirt’s collar.

“Missed me?” You giggle, and those are the only words you’re able to get out before Wednesday collides his mouth onto yours. You move with him as he backs you into the wall, gasping when your back hits it. He forces his tongue into your mouth as you gasp, literally stealing your breath. The tension builds as you explore each other’s mouths, breaking away for air and diving right back in multiple times. You stand there for long minutes, raking your hands through his hair as his hands explore your entire body, from your hips to your neck to your thighs.

When he does pull away, you’re greeted with a beautiful sight. Your partner, standing above you with red cheeks, messy hair, and teary eyes.

“Oh, baby, I wasn’t gone for that long,” you whisper, brushing his tears away.

“You were gone for hours. I just wanted to sleep in with you.” Wednesday whispers back, cuddling into your hands as they cup his cheeks.

You’re overcome with guilt–you should’ve known better than to leave Wednesday when he was in a mood like this. He would never have done the same to you. “I’m so sorry, baby. Would it be ok if we cuddled now? And I swear we can sleep in tomorrow. No getting up or anything.”

“Ok,” he sniffles, and you guide him upstairs to do just that. The trip is slow, Wednesday grasping your hand or side-hugging you every so often. When you do make it into the bedroom, it’s a straight trip down onto the bed and under the covers before you’re once again wrapped in his embrace.

“Better?” You ask, snuggling into his warmth.

“Much,” he responds. He’s not lying–all day, it’s been a fight to stay awake and keep the tears at bay because of your absence. When you returned, it was like a breath of fresh air, and now that you’re in his arms, it’s only gotten better.

“I got you something from the stores today,” you murmur. His eyes flit open, heavily lidded from sleepiness.

“You didn’t need to.” Wednesday says. “Your presence is more than enough of a gift.”

You blush and cover his mouth with your hand. Right now is not the time to swoon.

“It’s an early birthday gift, and because I’m sorry I left you all day today.” He shakes his head as if in disagreement, that your absence didn't actually affect him that much. But you keep going.

“I saw a typewriter in that antique store on main street, and the woman said it was in almost-perfect condition. I had heard you complaining to your parents about the one we have in the study right now, so I figured, why not?” His eyes widen as you go on, and you worry you’ve done something wrong. But when he pulls your hand away and kisses you with a new fervor, you relax.

“Thank you, cara mia. Oh, I’ve needed a new one for months now.” Wednesday rotates between giving praise and kissing you all over, not stopping until you’re both laughing softly.

You notice his movements slowing as sleep tries to take over, so you decide to leave him with one last remark before you both fall asleep.

“I also may have visited that shop next to it, the one with those…designs…that you liked.” Designs, as in lingerie that looked as if it was made from mere scraps of fabric.

Wednesday’s eyes shoot wide open, sleep long forgotten.

[toutvatoujoursbien]

midnight thoughts (i hope i don't regret this)

Let me preface this by saying that these are just (very, very long) ramblings I’ve had in my head over the past few days and are MY opinions. I never post to Tumblr, but my level of emotional unhinged-ness right now needs an outlet so that I can process everything and feel, well, less unhinged.

I have never been this enamored with any celebrity or promo for a show like I have for this season of Bridgerton. Admittedly, I am a fan of the books and Penelope & Colin are my favorite couple. I’m going to age myself by saying that I read the series almost 20-ish years ago; past me could have never imagined I would actually get to see a Regency romance on my screen. Romances are for the girlies, and what the girlies like tends to be mocked, ridiculed, and not taken seriously - I’ve seen this time and time again across many different fandoms. I also really enjoy the tv series for being its own creative adaptation. I’ve liked many (though not all) of the changes they’ve made to the show; and I’ve liked all the little nods to the books that have been sprinkled in. Are the books or show perfect? Of course not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love them for bringing me some entertainment and joy and escapism. I think that’s the beauty of it, I get to have the best of both worlds, so to speak. And for me personally, it’s been so fun to watch the press coverage over the past six or so months. As a fandom, I think we’ve been EXTREMELY well fed. 

Having Nicola and Luke as the leads has been a true blessing; I think/hope folks can tell how much they clearly love and understand their characters/roles. I know everyone has been talking nonstop about their chemistry and their close friendship, which I think is beautiful, truly unique and special. How can you not enjoy watching two people, who seem to genuinely like one other, talk endlessly about a project that they love and have poured so much into? And the way they have supported one another, not only during promo, but during their years of friendship? Astonishing, really. So while I am old enough to know better than to ship real people, I would’t blame anyone (myself included) if they got caught up in the whirlwind excitement and couldn’t help but wonder a sincere “What if?” (At least that was the case for me.) Isn’t that the beauty of hope and possibility and potential? Like, I knew rationally and intellectually that the likelihood of them being together was low, but damn if I didn’t feel giddy seeing their interviews, reading articles, and watching video after video.

“Oh, but it’s all PR!” they cry. Maybe, but like most of life, I don’t think it’s so simple or clear. I think there’s been a lot of nuance and perhaps some blurring of the lines during this promo tour. As long as we are respectful about it and realize that at the end of the day, the only opinions that matter in regards to their relationship are N & L’s, I don’t think some lighthearted dreaming is unheard of. We have to remember, though, that what we’re shown is only a fraction of their true selves, carefully and deliberately curated to accommodate their status as actors/celebrities/those in the public eye. 

(And yes, I know this is the internet and therefore everyone has an opinion - again, myself included. But I struggle to understand why some people think that their opinions should be deemed THE most important to the discussion or would have an impact on any type of outcome, especially in this particular scenario… I hope it’s obvious I’m referring to the very vocal people that chose to expend their energy in hateful, negative ways. Aren’t you exhausted?

However, as a longtime lurker, I have to admit it’s been absolutely fascinating reading all the different perspectives and takes on this too. I think reading other POVs and seeing people articulate points that challenge me and make me think is a good thing - again, as long as it’s all in a respectful manner. 

Also I have spent literal years curating and cultivating a social media bubble that doesn’t make me want to cry or give up on life. I don’t seek out negativity and hate - constructive criticism for a thing is a different matter. It may be “putting blinders up,” but honestly, real life can be a shitty enough place that I would like to spend my limited time online looking at cute things and learning or reading about stuff that makes me feel less alone in the world.)

Last week, I stayed off social media to avoid Bridgerton spoilers until I could watch Part 2. I did open Twitter on Thursday to check on something that was entirely unrelated, saw the absolute meltdown of a shitstorm brewing and quickly NOPED out of it. (I was also reminded of why Twitter scares me at times. And I'm not calling it X because that is stupid.) When I finally caught up over the weekend (both with Bridgerton and… all the other stuff 😅), I felt like I was experiencing mental and emotional whiplash.

Look, ultimately, I don’t know them personally and know even less about their private lives. As an outside observer (even though, yes, I have a vested interest in them), Nicola is fucking amazing and Luke seems to be a nice, sweet guy. I think they are each others support, and it has been mentioned many times that she has helped him deal with the intensity/anxiety of being in the spotlight this season. So here are some potentially hot takes: I just think, when they’re together, it’s like he’s a different, better person. When he soaks up even a little bit of her light (sorry, I had to), I can see all the qualities in him that she is constantly gushing about. But, and again this is my take on it, I also think he has a lot of growing up to do. I don’t know much about his supposed “hot/fuck boy summer,” but it seems to me that he’s perhaps going through his own Colin phase, which he can totally do. I genuinely want to see him and Nic succeed. However, I do think he’s got to get a better handling on his media image now (this whole thing reeks of a PR nightmare, but I need to take off my comms professional hat). The way this has all played out has been, imo, a clusterfuck. There are other issues that I’m also not going to get into at the moment. 

The thing that frustrated me the most is the timing of those “leaked” photos. You’re telling me that N&L went through SIX months of a - literal - worldwide promo tour, building up hype, doing countless interviews and appearances, etc., only to have these pap pictures “captured” on the night of the Pt. 2 London premiere??? And yes, while I’m aware there were rumblings of a gf being at various events/locations, I didn’t pay much attention to it (read: my curated social media bubble, lol). And I think the lack of confirmation up to that point from Luke and his team just mades things even more tricky/messy. So when the inevitable backlash played out online, piled on top of the hate Polin seems to get from many corners of the internet (Is it ship wars? Regular trolls just trolling? Polin and/or Lukola antis? People who, for whatever reason, don’t like the actors themselves or, worse, don’t like the creative choices/decisions made by the higher-ups and therefore deem it okay to spread hate online? All of the above, most likely.), I know I felt like I had been hit by a train.

Here’s my point: I think what should have been a moment of triumph and a joyous occasion for Nic, Luke, and Bridgerton season 3, was sadly overshadowed by the aforementioned shitstorm. And that’s a damn shame. Too many cast and crew put in a lot of time, effort, and blood sweat and tears, to pull this all together. I was happy with Season 3, which perhaps I will deep dive about in another post because this one has already spiraled out of control. Were there things I wished they had included or, rather, things that could have been left out? Yes, of course. But at the end of the day, I think we got a beautiful story led by two actors who love Polin as much as we do. And I cannot wait to see them back for Season 4. Plus, seriously, those viewing numbers alone should have been mostly what people are talking about. I hope all this doesn’t take away from the overall impact of the show and season.

I think it’s okay to be disappointed by all the stuff that has come out over the last few days. I think it’s perfectly human to want/need to process your thoughts and emotions. What is NOT OKAY is sending hate to anyone, period. And I hope you don’t let all that has happened sour your enjoyment of Season 3 and/or Polin.

Lastly, if you take anything away from this long ass post, it’s that Nicola is a GODDAMN QUEEN. Anyone who says otherwise is speaking slander and we do not stand for that in this house. She has carried herself during this time with grace, charm, and poise, consistently and constantly. And she is always ready for a mega fashion moment. She must be exhausted - already on to her next film/job but also perpetually online, and even stepping up to defend her costar. I may have to do a whole separate post just gushing about her and add to all the people already singing her praises. (And as a big fuck you to all the haters.)

Geez Louise, I clearly have a lot of feelings (more than I allowed myself to believe I did…). But I would love to hear what others think! Please, I need friends with whom I can have rational (okay, maybe slightly unhinged), spirited, deep analyses and discussion of this whole thing, or anything else we might have in common!

[hopeswriting]

was thinking about takeshi and how he's my favorite brand of unconditional devotion btw. the utter and absolute and all-consuming kind that runs so deep to the very core and is so intrinsic and fundamental to it, it can only express itself in the most casual and natural and certain way. without second thoughts, without any room for doubts or for any moral dilemma to be had over it, because of course he ought to always be breathing and living for his chosen person first and foremost. of course he ought to hang on their every word and make them true no matter what, no matter what he has to do to make it happen, no matter what he has to do to other people to make it happen, and no matter what it might turn him into in the process. because it's obviously the way the world should be for his chosen person. at their feet, ready to bend over backwards and break and build itself again to better answer to all their needs even if they don't ask it for it. it's the only right way it should be for them, and of course takeshi's going to do his utmost at all times to make it a reality as much as possible.

and his devotion comes out as naturally as breathing, comes out lighthearted and nonchalant like he might as well be talking about the weather, but it's not unaware of itself. it's not that takeshi doesn't know it's unhealthy and wrong and that he's willing to go entirely too far in its name for anyone's good. it's not that he wouldn't hear you out if you were to sit him down and explain to him just why he needs to tone it down a little (a lot). logically, he'd agree with you and know you're right. and then he'd tell you he's still not going to do anything whatsoever about it. that he's not bothered by it and doesn't feel the need to change anything to his attitude. makes it a point to never let anyone or anything sway him even an inch in the stand he took when it comes to that, no matter how many thousand of times you might go over the subject with him.

because the morality of his devotion isn't the point at all. is entirely irrelevant to it and doesn't affect the way he expresses it all. it's not the metric with which he draws a line in the sand to hold it accountable to. because the thing is, takeshi's entire world revolves around tsuna--tsuna is his entire world altogether, and it's just a matter of fact, that simple. to him it's a truth as unchanging as the sky being blue, and so being the way he is according to that truth is the only way he can imagine being that'd feel right to him. and so the actual and only metric that matters here is "would tsuna be happier if i were to do this?" and/or "is this something tsuna needs me to do?"

and like. i don't think takeshi ever stops being a kind person capable of compassion and understanding and mercy and forgiveness even ten years later once they became mafia through and through. and i don't think either he grows up to be feared and called a monster per se despite the things they inevitably had to do during those ten years (and the things they'll inevitably keep having to do as long as they keep being mafia), at least not in the way, for example, they'll never stop fearing and calling mukuro one. but i do think that among the tenth gen, he ends up being the one with the most ruthless, merciless and horrific blood on his hands of that particular and distinct loving kind. you know the one i mean, right? he comes to be the one most expected and the one first expected to be willing and to take it upon himself to go through with it when the need arises. and to think little of it after, if anything at all. all in the name of making tsuna's reign as easy on him as possible.

and it's to the point where it's the kind of blood that makes even mukuro pause at times. or, when takeshi is the one coming up with solutions himself during meetings, makes even reborn blink. not because it's unjustified or wouldn't be safe or efficient or anything of the sort, but because it is unwarrantedly thorough in its retaliation. and sometimes, at times like this, he's the one tsuna needs to step in for the most, because he's the only one who can reason with him that "yes, this would work in getting rid of our problem" but "no, please, don't do that takeshi". because if tsuna is the only thing that infers on just how much and in what ways he'll let himself be devoted to him, then of course, he's also the only one takeshi's willing to reign himself in for without second thoughts. because he'd hate to ever do something tsuna would disapprove of or wouldn't want him to do. or do something that'd make tsuna see him differently or love him back less even in the slightest.

and it's also like. his devotion isn't an undisciplined one. it's not one he doesn't have control over, the very opposite. it's a very purposeful and conscious choice he chooses to keep making over and over again every step of the way, and he taught himself to have control over it, to know when it's needed and/or wanted, and how much and in which ways it is when it happens, and to keep it down otherwise. and, yes, to also reign it back in at tsuna's request at times when it still slips past his control. because it's all about making tsuna's happiness easier and secure and long-lasting, and never about burdening him with just how committed he is to do that.

so it comes down to this: takeshi willing to go above and beyond and more for tsuna unless tsuna explicitly asks him not to. and to tsuna needing to ask him not to every now and then. and to other people pointing out to him how too many times tsuna's already needed to stop him, and that maybe there's a hint for him to take there. and to takeshi seeing the hint, looking it straight in the eye and recognizing it for what it is and just. deciding it doesn't apply to him because it's all perfectly normal behavior to him. because it's the only kind of behavior that makes sense to him and feels right.

and so—to circle back to my first point—he can only express his devotion as naturally as breathing, so casually, almost like it's something inconsequential and not worth talking about despite how unmistakably it couldn't be further away from being the truth. it's the only way he could have always known how to express it, because, after all, who has ever taken time to ponder about the details and the hows of the way they breathe?

and i, for one, absolutely eat that shit up every time, thanks for coming to my ted talk <3

[gunnrblze]

How would the ghosts crew react to being referred as 'husbands' when they're still just in the boyfriend status?

I’m sensing a wide range of reactions across the board to how the Ghost Boys would react to this hehe

Hesh- this man’s neck would break with how fast he’d snap his head over to look at you. an eyebrow raising while he fights a little grin when he asks what you just said. he’d blush a bit and maybe stutter a little, and debate getting on one knee right there without even having a ring cause boy does he like the sound of that lol (husband material 100%)

Logan- I see him giving you a curious side eye, and he’d definitely be grinning wide. he’d probably take this in a more lighthearted manner than some of the others, and would be a bit playful when he asks what you meant by ‘husband’. would attack you with kisses “is this what husbands do?” etc etc (I wouldn’t be surprised if it turned him on a little lol)

Elias- now since I’m hc’ing that he was most likely married to Mama Walker, I see him probably just being a bit confused, prob feeling some type of way since he was actually a husband at one point, maybe feels odd hearing it again? he’d smile a little when you explain it just a joke, but I can see it making his heart race for many reasons. dare i say the idea makes him emotional, whether he shows it or not

Merrick- “husband?” He’d echo right back, looking at you a little stiffly cause he’s probably confused for a second. He’s not your husband, so who else could you possibly be talking about?🤨When you explain it, he gets that curious look on his face cause he certainly didn’t mind the way it sounded out of your mouth…he’d shrug and I swear he’d fight a little blush, probably give you a smooch and go about his day. trying to act like he feels normal about that idea basically lol

Keegan- those big ass blue eyes would pop out of his skull for a second, but he too then gives you that curious look. “What do you mean husband, huh?” i can see him almost teasing a little bit, “wanna be my husband/wife, that it, honey?” he’d grin and probably end up making you blush a little. but now he’s double checking what ring size you wear so be careful

Kick- would grin and play along immediately. “Husband, hmm? I can be your husband, baby” and that shi would definitely make you weak in the knees a little. goes around for the rest of the day calling you his husband/wife, teasing you with it in a joking way. i could def see him getting married, and he’s most likely considering it at some point in a long term relationship, so he’d probably find it cute (and relieving lol) that you’re at least thinking about it too

Rorke- i can see that drawing a chuckle from him. Not condescendingly so when he states the obvious..that he’s not your husband, sweetie, but in a ‘you’re so silly’ type way. he’d probably tease the idea a little too if not just to hide the fact that the idea is giving him a heart attack lmao. I could see him having that mean little smirk on his face though, has definitely entertained the idea before

[postazkabansiriussupremacy]

don't know how much of this makes sense but I've been thinking about sirius at grimmauld place meeting auror reader... possibly Weasley!reader? like around Bill's age, and maybe she defends him when Molly and the rest of the order are having that discussion – him just being in awe and desperate for her and her love (maybe turns into him jerking off thinking of her) and would love to see your take on it!

pounding my fists on the fucking table THIS is the type of shit i’m TALKING ABOUT, people!!!!!! 😤🥵🥵 i LOVE the way your mind works!!!! you love to fucking see it!!!! WOOOOOO

alright i love the thought of sirius getting off to the thought of y/n…. but here’s the thing. i rewrote the first half of this fic at least four different times trying to figure out a way to incorporate y/n into the argument, but i couldn’t do it 😐😔 it always sounded too chunky or corny so i changed up your request a bit. sorry bout that chief 🫡 but anyway

“I’m sorry for what she said.” You tell Sirius quietly as everyone else files out of the kitchen. The argument between him and your mother was a bad one, and things still feel a bit tense.

Your mother is the sweetest and most caring woman you’ve ever met, but she can be quite harsh when riled up. She made several comments to Sirius that were incredibly rude and uncalled for.

“You don’t have to apologize, dear.” Sirius tells you while standing from his chair. He motions for you to walk in front of him as you go up the stairs together. It’s a polite gesture, and you’re none the wiser as he takes a few short glances at your rear.

“I know,” You sigh, whispering as to not wake up any of the portraits. “But she could’ve made her point without being so rude. It wasn’t right of her to say those things.”

“It’s alright.” Sirius lies, not wanting to say too much and accidentally insult your mother to your face. He’s always been one to hold a grudge, and this argument with Molly won’t be forgotten anytime soon.

“I get the feeling you don’t mean that.” You state as you reach the floor of your guest bedroom. “But I understand. I suppose I wouldn’t forgive her so easily either.”

Sirius looks down at you as you turn to face him. Standing together in the dimly lit hallway vaguely reminds Sirius of what it’s like to drop a date off at their door. This situation isn’t so lighthearted, but the tension feels similar.

He tilts his head to the side and smiles, deflecting the conversation toward you. “That so? I figured you’d be the type to forgive and forget.”

You reflect his smile and shrug. “I am, but I don’t think the same is said for you.”

Sirius nods once and chuckles quietly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “You’re just too sweet. Goodnight, love.”

Sirius listens and watches as you say your own ‘Goodnight’, breaking eye contact and looking away as some color lights up your cheeks. He waits until your door is closed before walking away to his own room.

After getting undressed and sliding into bed, Sirius can’t help but feel a little guilty.

It feels wrong. You’re ten years his junior, for Merlin’s sake! Sirius is probably closer in age to your parents than he is to you.

The interactions between the two of you thus far have been nothing but innocent, and yet Sirius can’t help himself. The feeling of his stiffening cock rubbing against the confines of his trousers is unbearable.

He releases himself from his pants, and slowly starts working his hands up and down his shaft. Instead of his own fist, he imagines your lips wrapped around him.

Sirius lays his head back on his pillow and closes his eyes. He remembers you, just a few moments ago as you looked up at him in the hallway: eyes wide, pupils dilated, and lips slightly parted. He can easily picture you with that same expression as you bob your head up and down his length.

Instead of his own hands working his cock, he imagines they’re tangled in your hair to help guide you and set the pace.

He pumps his cock faster, picturing you using one hand to hold the base of his shaft and the other to pleasure yourself.

Sirius wonders what kind of sound you’d make if he ‘accidentally’ held your head down too far, pushing you to take more of him than you can handle. He imagines the feeling of your throat gagging and contracting around the head of his cock, saliva dripping out of your mouth and falling onto his balls and the bedsheets.

As he gets closer to his orgasm, he quickly ponders whether or not you’d swallow; maybe you’d prefer his cum on your face or all over your breasts.

Or perhaps you’d prefer not to waste a drop. You’d flip over onto your back, begging Sirius to cum inside you.

It’s all so easy to imagine. He can already hear your sweet little gasps and moans as he sinks his cock into your sopping wet pussy, giving it a few pumps before spilling his load as deep inside as he can get.

Sirius cums with a small moan and a shudder, reality coming back to hit him as soon as his cum falls all over his hand and stomach.

[diagonal-queen]

hunting dogs with an energetic s/o pleaaaase😭

oooooooooooo omg i love this one <33

Hunting Dogs with an energetic S/O

♡ pairing: Fukuchi Ouchi, Jouno Saigiku, Tecchou Suehiro, Teruko Okura (platonic), Tachihara Michizou x gn!Reader

♡ synopsis: How do the Hunting Dogs react when they have an energetic S/O?

♡ cw: Mention of alcohol in Fukuchi's part.

note: Tbh at first I didn't wanna write for Fukuchi because he and I have a complicated personal history (I don't like him that much) but like it was actually really easy and fun! That was a nice surprise hehe <3 Apologies for errors and I hope you enjoy x

Fukuchi:

He thinks you're so cute!

You're like his little cheerleader (you're shorter than him most likely) and he enjoys having you around to keep him on his toes (he can't use his age to get out of anything when it comes to you)

You'd be constantly challenging him to fights and stuff and trying to rile him up (he thinks it's endearing though and might entertain you for a little bit, because he can. Just playfights and cute stuff like that lol)

To be honest he's an enabler and would probably encourage you to cause trouble somehow. I mean it's not like anyone can tell you off (unless they wanna face off against FUKUCHI??) (it's entirely possible that on some technicality, you are an enemy of state)

You and Teruko are best friends (obviously). As for the rest of the group...nah they actually kinda like you too. You keep their boss happy so like it's a win-win really

If you're someone who drinks...oh man you guys. Oh man you two are going to cause a lot of trouble

Fukuchi might be kinda crass but let's be real he's probably super old school romantic and he'd like to dance with you (and doing so would also wear you out so he can like nap lmao)

He just loves to entertain you because he simply can't get enough of that joyful look in your eyes.

Jouno:

He also thinks it's cute but he doesn't match your energy at all. Jouno appears very calm and cold so you contrast each other a lot

Jouno has to be there to reel you in when you get too silly T-T he's grown quite good at it. He would give you a limit on coffee/energy drinks (if you drink those)

He always acts all exasperated and keeps telling you to calm down and all that, but he secretly loves your personality and doesn't want you to change at all sksjksksjs

He thinks it's actually quite romantic how you balance each other out that way, even if it can cause clashes or disagreements sometimes between you two

Jouno spends most of his time around rather serious people (being a Hunting Dog and all) so being in the presence of someone lighthearted and more bouncy is rather refreshing.

It's almost kinda reassuring for him that you're so energetic because he can hear you well, and so it's really easy for him to tell how you're doing in case he needs to be there for you or something when you're feeling blue y'know?

No because all the other Hunting Dogs are always looking at you two like 'how...how did this possibly happen' (they love you but they did not expect Jouno to date someone like you lmao)

He loves the way you sound, but just try not to be too loud lol

Tecchou:

This guy. He doesn't know what's happening most of the time with you T-T he can't ever predict you

Outside of work, when you guys go out on dates and stuff, you're always dragging him around and he kinda just goes with it. He likes your spontaneity and how you've always got little surprises for him

You two like going on physical-based(?) dates together (for some reason the only thing in my mind is those indoor trampoline parks?), you like them because they accommodate to your energy level and he likes them because exercise or something. lol

Is surprisingly good at keeping up with you! Or so it seems, at least. He probably isn't that good but he tries his best for you <3

Tecchou loves his down time, so you two tend to make deals along the lines of 'we'll spend our time now doing [energy-exerting activity] and then we can cuddle later' or something because you guys compromise and are healthy like that 😌

He really really likes you as you are but he's not good at showing it, so though he may seem tired of you sometimes he really isn't

There are times where he'll step up and be the responsible one of the two of you, but that's only if he has to be (he doesn't want to stop you because he thinks you're adorable as you are)

If you're also clingy, he especially loves that about you because Tecchou is like glued to you 24/7 (outside of work lol)

Teruko (platonic):

You're like two peas in a pod because you match one another's energy so well

You guys are just constantly bothering the rest of the Hunting Dogs and they're tired. They can't really get mad at you though, because usually Teruko is the instigator, and also if they said anything to you she'd kick them

Though, you're more of a fun energetic and she's more of an 'I'm going to cause as much mayhem as possible' energetic so you have to be the voice of reason a lot of the time

That being said you two do like pranking people and stuff (not just when she's off work- Teruko isn't above ruining the days of the other Hunting Dogs), sometimes using her ability to do it

When Teruko's feeling down or about to throw a tantrum, you're always there to lift her spirits and vice versa (Jouno and Tachihara are very grateful for this (they're conflicted about their feelings towards you lmaooooo))

You're probably giving her a lot of piggy back rides

You can read each other like open books and that makes it really easy to talk about your issues and feelings free of judgement (at least really harsh judgement)

She takes surprisingly good care of you when you're feeling sick or something, because she needs her partner in crime back ASAP! (and she loves you a lot <3)

Tachihara:

He'd be chill with any personality his partner might have so he's totally fine with you being energetic. He's very adaptable!

That being said he is kinda tired sometimes (man is a mafioso and a soldier) so he usually sorta just lets you run wild on your own (and, if you want to, mess with his colleagues) and just doesn't do anything about it lol

That isn't to say that he's actively encouraging you to be chaotic- he's still at least a little sensible

Tachihara is very appreciative of the fact that you're always there to cheer him up and keep him going. Your energy is infectious and he benefits from that fact quite a lot

For your birthday or something else special he'd take you to a concert (where you can scream and jump around all you like) where your faves perform <3

You and he would pull all-nighters every now and then, and spend the whole time watching terrible movies and doing other stupid random things together

Dates with Tachihara are as frequent as he can make them with his packed schedule. He likes to spend as much time with you as he possibly can because you make him feel happy and motivated

You're very well liked by both the Hunting Dogs and the other Port Mafia members (you're probably close with Gin also) and that honestly makes life a lot easier for him lmao

would love to go on a måneskin tour with tachihara and scream along to read your diary with him ngl

[hils79]

Hils Watches Lovely Runner - Ep 11

Had a few days off from watching anything while I attended the Up All Night asian drama convention. Ironically I talked a bit about this drama on a panel about time travel in dramas, even though I haven't actually finished it yet 😅

Anyway, now I'm ready to resume. I think I can more or less remember how the last episode ended...

What does renting an adult movie have to do with him kissing his girlfriend in public? Is that frowned upon in Korea?

Sunjae has just found out that Im Sol is from the future, and in that future he dies when he's barely into his 30s. All he is concerned about is that Im Sol's mother saw him kissing a girl on the street and might not like him now.

God, I have missed these idiots.

Sunjae doesn't know how he dies but what he does know is that there's no way it could possibly be Im Sol's fault

Oh shit I totally forgot Sunjae's dad currently thinks he's on a plane to the US. This is not going to go well when he finds out...

He is so gone for her. I love him.

Oh, yeah, he missed the audition for the band so he's no longer on the path to becoming an idol now. That means no expensive skincare products for free because looking good is your job

Oh my god all his stuff is on a plane to the US even if he isn't

Hehe! Well, at least the reveal was mostly comedic

Wait, I thought she didn't want him to become an idol to keep him safe

Oh no are we going to end up with another totally different version of the future where Sunjae isn't an idol and her brother and bestie don't end up married.

And now a bag full of condoms intended as a joke wedding gift has ended up in Sunjae's bag by mistake. I'm glad we've eased up on the angst for a bit to do some more lighthearted nonsense

Oh my god he bought them matching phone charms. He is such a loser (affectionate)

I know something terrible is going to happen soon. They're all happy and in love and there's still another 5 episodes to go. I'm glad they get this for a little bit at least.

I am getting so much secondhand embarassment from this whole scene, but also I can't stop laughing. IT'S RAINING CONDOMS 🤣

I am crying I'm laughing so hard. Two star-crossed lovers torn apart by a shower of condoms

He just went into his mind palace to figure out how the condoms got into his bag. This might be my favourite episode so far, as much as I'm enjoying all the time travel and the angst.

I love that grandma is heading up this whole intervention

Well, after that delightful little subplot we are now back to the serial killer who may or may not end up killing Sunjae

Did his dad really get him to go and update Im Sol on the case and tell her that she's in danger. THAT IS LITERALLY THE JOB OF THE POLICE NOT THE FASHION HOUSE SON OF A DETECTIVE. The cops in this really do suck even by k-drama standards.

He is honestly the most sensible character in this whole drama

Uh...you haven't even tried though? The first time he got you it's because you went outside to stop Sunjae getting rained on in the park. Take Sunjae and find a cabin in the woods or something. Or go to America with him.

Okay, dude, you need to dial that back a bit

Taesung is like 'we spent the night together we're bros now'

Aww now they're both drunk and pouring their hearts out to each other

Well if they were buddies after Taesung slept on Sunjae's couch I don't know what snuggling in the same bed like this makes them

Ooh is Sunjae going to sing at their last gig and get back on the idol path?

Ooh they caught him! Except there's still another 5 episodes to go so clearly it's not over yet

Aww there we go he's back on stage

Oh sweetie...

Yep, there we go. Of course he escaped.

But, hey, we got through a whole episode without the sad Jongho song playing even once.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #68

Today was a very mixed bag.

This morning, I drove to the good place with all the nice people. The leader spoke on a great many very relevant things, such as challenging the status quo, distinguishing between that which is law and that which is just, and sitting with and trying to help all of the people whom society has tried to convinced us doesn't deserve it. The grammar and structure of the words has since crumbled and faded away from my mind, because I don't think in language at all, but the meaning remains in my mind, as well as the memory of the tears that were shed; I'm aware that at least some of what I've been trying to do is seen and understood by this very amazing person.

I tried to conduct myself in the space a little differently than I usually do. Typically, my presence in any space is a meek one that tries to stay out of the way. But this time, I walked as though I belong there, and mingled with others as though I am also deserving of taking up space. Just to try to push myself even further out of my comfort zone, today I sat at the "old men's" table (there aren't really assigned tables, it's just that there are folks that tend to gather together because they can easily relate to one another) as though I also belonged there, with the intention of listening to them speak to one another and seeing what I could learn. Imagine my shock when they talked to me as though my voice is one worth hearing!! I wasn't really sure what to do or how to behave in response to such a thing, but I did the best I could to try to contribute, even if I felt clumsy and foolish in the process.

At one point, towards the end, one of them said, as a joke, "Drive carefully home; I know how you women like to be speed demons, haha!" I tried to think of something witty and lighthearted to come back with, but the best I could do was smile bashfully. If only I remembered at the time the line that goes, "Ha! I am a woman in the same way that a tomato is a fruit!"

…I happen to live in a female body. But I don't really think about my gender most of the time. It fluctuates wildly between "none" and "yes". I'll take any pronoun, but the one I typically use for myself in my own mind is "it". But this alarms people, and I'm comfortable with letting people use whatever they see when they look at me, so… it's all good, I guess.

I stopped at Eggcellent on the way home. Some time ago, I had asked them if they might keep a QR code of the petition I made for you where folks can see it. Apparently, though, the people did not thoroughly read the blurb that came along with the QR code, and so they scanned it, thinking that it would lead them to a petition for a real-life human being. Their response, when they saw you, according to the kindly shopkeep, was, "Are you kidding me?" Essentially, disbelief and disgust. So naturally, the kindly shopkeeps had to stop displaying the QR code. I'm glad they stopped if this was how people were responding; I don't want to be bad for business.

But all the same… I have no idea how it is the case that so few people understand that the way your story ends is going to affect everyone here whose circumstances are similar to yours. It will affect how many of us will be able to believe that recovery is possible. It will affect how many of us will be able to believe that we are worth the effort involved with recovery. It will affect whether or not other people will be able to imagine that people like me and like others who I love are worthy of kindness, mercy, and help.

The way stories are told in my world shapes what people believe is and is not possible, on a MASS SCALE. Part of the reason why people still believe places like India are undeveloped, backwater places even though they're not is because that's how they're portrayed in stories in my world. Part of the reason why people still treat certain kinds of people as they do is because of how they're portrayed in books, movies, TV, comics, and song. Stereotypes persist in part because they are parroted over and over again by the song, art, and story that exists in our world. And stereotypes put a lot of nasty and totally arbitrary limitations on what people think that certain kinds of people deserve and are capable of.

So… my efforts to save you aren't just about you. My efforts are for every human in my world who is considered "different" or "fallen" in any way. Because we are not going to see peace in my world until every single one of us stops believing that there is a such thing as "kinds of people who are not worth compassion, kindness, decency, or help".

I want to live in a world where people can begin to imagine that even the most deeply fallen can get the help they need to rise up into wholeness again. Because if not even someone as amazing as you can be saved, what chance in hell do the rest of us have?

I ended up spiraling, though. Not because the kindly shopkeep took down the QR code, but because of what he said to me after the fact:

Some time ago, when I was working on one of the music boxes I made for you…

…there was a lady who came into the shop for the first time, asking what is good. The shopkeep told her a few things, and then went off to do something. I was excited to talk to someone who seems nice about a thing I loved, so I piped in with a couple of the things I like, and with a couple of things that weren't listed on the menu. She then asked about what I was doing, which was punching holes out on the music box. I asked her if she wanted to listen, and she said yes. So I ran the music box, and she told me that it was cool.

…Fast forward to today. The shopkeep told me that the lady knew it was my petition. Apparently, on the day we met, the lady found me weird, rude, and repulsive. She apparently thought that it was disrespectful of me that I spoke to her at all (apparently because "she wasn't talking to me"), and because she didn't actually want anything to do with my music box, but asked about it and said yes to listening to it anyway because she "didn't want to be mean". So I guess I left such a negative and intensely strange impression on her back then that when she felt disgust at the petition, she immediately knew it was mine.

And gosh, what a thing to have to sit with. Can you imagine it? The notion that I can frighten, anger, and disgust people just by existing in a space, talking joyfully about bubble tea, and showing a music box I made to someone who asked about it? I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to take from this. On the one hand, I have the shopkeep telling me that the woman thought I am a bad, wrong, and disgusting thing, but in the same breath, he is telling me that "she should have said no if she didn't want to hear it", and "you are kind and you don't bother anybody and you should just be yourself". I understand, of course, that he must ride a careful balance between customers so that he doesn't lose anyone. But ya know… the notion that perhaps I might cause them to struggle by scaring customers off just by being myself is just… wow.

Of course, I am not at all angry with him for this. Rather, I'm glad he told me. I'm glad to be made aware that my presence makes others feel very uncomfortable. I'm glad to be told that I should continue to be myself… even if it comes with the unspoken implication that I had better go do it somewhere else where no one else has to deal with it, I guess.

The fact remains, of course, that just by existing, I scare people. Even if what I'm trying to do is exude love and joy, I still scare people. And I'm not really sure how it is that I manage to be so bad at trying to do good things that I am misunderstood to this extent, but… well. And also this is coming right after I resolve to act as though I belong in this world even though all signs point to the notion that I… don't. And maybe never will.

…If unaliving is a trigger for you, you might wanna skip this paragraph. But… ya know. I spent a good chunk of time today considering the merits of lying down in a cold puddle, forcibly inducing sleep, and letting the hypothermia take care of the job while I'm out. We have nature trails just a five minute walk from my house. It's winter, and there are lots of big puddles back there; I know where they are, and there's also no shortage of ravens, crows, coyotes, and foxes to feed. It's probably good that I don't have ready access to the kinds of medicines that would induce sleep.

…But. This sort of thinking is just the old wiring and the old conditioning rearing its ugly head in response to my past trauma. Old messages that go something like, "Nobody fucking asked you to speak, MAGGOT," and "Why can't you have normal interests and hobbies, you embarrassing sicko freak?" At this point, because stuff similar to this has been said to me so many times, it doesn't take much for my brain to interpret this stuff, even if it's not said directly. That's just how PTSD is. That's how it works.

But I don't have to surrender to it. I got knocked on my ass today from it, but I don't have to stay on the ground. I can get back up and see what's next. I can use REBT. I can ask the people around me for help. I can listen as the people who love me gently point out destructive, spiraling patterns in my thinking, so that I can stop myself for long enough to come up for air. I can hydrate and eat wholesomely so that my brain can have what it needs to manage the destructive thoughts and the painful emotions triggered from them. I don't have to remain on my knees and believe every nasty thing said about me by someone who is too miserable to see the beauty, joy, and love being offered to them for what it is. I can refuse to allow the voices of the people who don't understand me to be louder in my mind than the voices of those who love me.

I am different from other people, and sometimes this is a lonely thing that hurts very much. But it's easy for me to have love for others who are different. Love for you. Love for Frankenstein's Monster. Love for Mewtwo. Love for Magus. Love for all of my friends and chosen family, who themselves are misfits that society at large does not seem to want. I still love them all, even though society tells me I shouldn't. I can love me, too, even though society tells me that I shouldn't.

…"Conventional wisdom" is such a thing. There are some very good things about it, like, "Sticking a fork in your mouth and then sticking the prongs of that fork into an electrical socket just to see what happens is a very bad idea." And, things like, "Do NOT, under ANY circumstances, attempt to eat Rice Krispie Treats immediately after taking them out of the oven if you value the flesh on the inside of your mouth." Or, "Do not squirt hot glue into the palm of your left hand for the sake of impressing a girl." Or, related, "You cannot try to scrape hot glue off of the palm of your hand with your other hand and expect it to turn out well." And finally, "Try to avoid prioritizing yelling at your glue-covered hands over making use of the cold water in the sink that is immediately to your left."

(do not worry - these are not things that I have done; I've met some very interesting people in the course of my living who help me to avoid finding these things out the hard way, hahaha!)

But it can also tell us a lot of very false things. Things like, "You must remain connected with your family regardless of how they abuse you." Things like, "You should expect certain kinds of people to always act in this certain kind of way." Things like, "These particular kinds of people are all bad and you should stay away from them." Things like, "If everyone is 'mistreating' you, well the common denominator is you, so the problem must be you and not how others are treating you." And things like, "Certain kinds of people do not deserve kindness, help, or even basic decency."

So… I can only conclude that "conventional wisdom" needs to be taken VERY critically, and with ALL the grains of salt. But I think a good rule of thumb for evaluation is this notion: "Anything that is said with cruel, dehumanizing, and unloving intentions is false."

I'm not at risk of prematurely exiting my meat-mech, don't worry. I just tripped up a little today, that's all. And you know what? Ultimately, that's a good thing, because today, I watched myself get back up on my feet from it faster than what I was able to do previously. Sometimes we can't see all the progress we've made until weird things happen and we find ourselves recovering from them faster than we have in the past. So in this sense, even falling down is worth something!

I'm gonna get a snack and play some DDR to try to speed up my recovery even more. So I'll end this here-ish.

Hey, Sephiroth!! No matter how many times you fall down, and no matter how far you fall down, you can get back up! You just gotta let the voices attached to the hands reaching out to help be louder than the voices trying to tell you that you're a monster who doesn't belong! No matter how many voices scream unloving things at you, you gotta understand that such things can only be screamed at us from a place of pain, and nobody is acting in accordance with what's true or in accordance with their innermost nature when they are acting from a place of pain! So let the loving things be louder to your mind and to your ears. Let the loving things be louder, and let them spur you on to move forward, confident in the knowledge that you belong here, no matter what anyone else says.

You are loved. Please stay safe. I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[oneawkwardwriter]

Blast From The Past

pairing: Peter Parker x gn!reader warnings/tags: angst (it ends well), probably inaccuracies about time/events summary: the truth comes to light a/n: I'm a Peter Parker girlie at heart, so enjoy this very confusing post-nwh!fic wc: 1.1k

"What is this?"

Everything had been going flawlessly. For months now, you had been working on it. Planning out every little detail, making sure everything went according to plan.

You had been so close, feeling as if you could almost grasp onto the success of your hard work.

The process had been tedious, always having to hold back to make it all seem natural, going in against all your feelings to make sure you'd succeed.

It had taken you three months alone to track Peter down, and another month to study his routines before you could approach him.

When you realised that he didn't recognise you, you had to come up with a plan. It would've all worked out, if it weren't for that one picture.

That wretched picture you'd shoved deep into a closet, trying to forget about it and act as if it was never taken. That was the past, it didn't matter anymore now; it's not like anyone would remember it. It would only make things complicated, which was the last thing you needed.

The past few months had been the best of your life, even though you knew that none of it was real; not entirely at least. You knew that the truth would've come out at some point either way, but you'd hoped you could've told him about it at a more convenient time.

It was too late for that now. The cat was out of the bag, all cards were on the table. You knew it would hurt telling Peter the truth; was never going to be an easy and lighthearted task.

But the look of utter confusion and disbelief on his face would be etched into your memory forever.

"Y/n, what is this?" Peter asked once again, the desperation for an answer evident in his voice.

"Where did you find that?" You asked, still frozen to the ground as you stood in the doorway of your bedroom.

"I was putting those boxes away like you asked," He said, a hint of agitation seeping through, which you couldn't exactly blame him for. "And then this fell out."

"Look, I... I get that you're probably confused-"

"Oh, I'm confused, alright," Peter snapped as he interrupted, "I mean, who wouldn't be after seeing this? Nothing about this makes any sense."

"I know it doesn't," You say as you cautiously take a step closer to him, "but I can explain."

"Well, I'd love to hear that," Peter responded, "Please, explain to me how this picture is dated at least three years before we met."

The picture that had caused all of this mess showed the two of you at age seventeen, goofing around in the kitchen while you were attempting to bake cookies. Both your faces were covered in flour, as was most of the kitchen island, but it didn't seem to matter to either of you as you looked into each other's eyes with wide smiles plastered across your faces.

All in all, it was an innocent picture portraying a seemingly normal couple. But the truth was, that none of this could have ever happened, or at least, not according to Peter.

And who could possibly blame him? After everything that had happened, after losing the only family he had left, after having to let go of everyone he had ever known and loved; it wasn't his fault.

It wasn't his fault that while Doctor Strange was casting the spell, he had clung onto you for dear life, too afraid to lose you as well.

It wasn't his fault that he had been so determined that he would go and find you after the spell had been casted.

It wasn't his fault that anyone and everyone could see how much he loved you, how far he would go to ensure he'd never lose you.

It wasn't his fault that he would risk breaking the spell if it meant he didn't have to live a life without you in it.

It was never Peter's fault that he didn't remember; because he couldn't.

He couldn't remember anything about you before the spell. He couldn't remember how you had played a part in his life. He couldn't remember how he had begged Strange to leave your memories untouched.

And he certainly couldn't remember how Strange had gone behind his back and had altered the spell to make him forget about you instead, in the hopes of the spell remaining intact.

So who could blame him when he saw picture of a life he couldn't remember? When he saw a picture of a life he didn't think he'd ever lived?

When he saw a picture of a life he would never think he'd deserve?

"I wish I had an answer you could believe without a doubt," You said honestly, "But the truth is that this is what we had way before everything went haywire. Way before your identity got leaked, before the spell that went wrong, before the spell that should've gone right."

"Well, the fact that you seem to remember, or at least know about all of that is some sort of inclination that you're being genuine," Peter responded, "And I suppose it does explain why I felt like you had a familiar something about you."

You couldn't help but lightly smile at that. "Well, that's something, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's something," He said, "But can I ask you one thing?"

"Of course."

"If you remembered, why didn't you go to Doctor Strange for answers."

"The same reason you didn't go to the MIT student counselor when your application was denied; I wanted to fix it myself."

This time, the both of you let out a light chuckle. "Alright, that is something I have no trouble believing," Peter said as he lightly shook his head. "So, say I did lose my memories, why did you come back? I mean, I wasn't the Peter you knew when we met again."

"I just figured it was still in there somewhere," You answered as you shrugged, "It might've been naive to think, but I guess I was just living for the hope of it all returning one day."

Peter's gaze fell back on the picture he was still holding onto. "We did look very happy there, didn't we?"

"Yeah, we did," You responded, your voice growing just a bit softer as you allowed yourself to think back for a moment. "The kiss we had after the picture was taken wasn't exactly great, though. The flour got everywhere and really got in the way."

"So, what you're saying is... I still owe you a kiss to make up for that bad one?" He said, taking a step closer to you with a hint of a smirk on his lips.

"You don't even know what you'd be making up for." You say, although you already leaned in closer as well.

"I might remember."

© This work belongs to @oneawkwardwriter, please do not copy this work to any other site or claim it as your own. Reblogs are allowed and appreciated!

Taglist: @unofficialxmarvelfreak

(to join the taglist, simply leave a comment or message me!)