#i mean she's just got low self esteem ??

[welcometogrouchland]

my Stephanie Brown hot take is that she should get mad bitches now that she's single in comics. Yes yes shipping BUT the one time she had sex she was punished by the narrative via teen pregnancy. I think she should be allowed to have as much sex as she wants with zero consequences. Could be a lot of sex, could be a little. Point is she should get to do it without getting narratively baby trapped this time. she should get them pregnant, actually.

[blujayonthewing]

juniper: [delicately and VERY slowly working through the whole complicated situation with shadowheart in a ginger slowburn]

karlach to june, three(3) days after meeting her: GODS I wanna ride you til you see stars

[aroace-polyshow]

i feel so weird about my irl name

[usagifuyusummer]

Is this what you meant @jjimene123, on the Timmy Turner and Pink Diamond parallels lmao?

Been thinking abt this quote from end of an era!! It makes me THINK

[izadi234]

Forget me not

-Warning: Contain yandere themes, neglected! gn!reader, mention of low self-esteem, the writer's first language isn't English.

Yan! Batfamily x gn!

Chapters

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6 (You're here)

Chapter 7

Chapter 6

Meanwhile Duke and you spent the afternoon playing at an arcade and while you were playing, Duke checked the family group. Dick had sent a message calling for a meeting but he ignored it and decided to focus on spending time with you.

Alfred's plan must have already started

After playing for a while you both decided to go to dinner at Duke's favorite restaurant so you could talk in a more relaxed way. These moments with you made Duke feel like he was a little kid again, forgetting about school, his parents' tragedy and even that he was a vigilante. Once you got to the restaurant and sat at your table, you talked a little about some series and video games that you both liked until Duke asked something that he had never dared to ask before.

"Can I ask you a question, (Name)?"

"Sure!" you nodded

"Why are you studying journalism?" the younger one asked

Duke was not stupid, he was also a detective like the rest of the family, he knew that your career decision had been made because of the death of your parents, but he wanted to know about your life before the mansion.

And so maybe he'll know how to make your next stay more comfortable

"Well umm..." you said a little thoughtfully but still smiling

"I don't think I've told you about my mom and... and my dad, right? Before I went to live at Wayne Manor" you specified

Duke just shook his head as he waited for you to continue talking.

"Well, I chose my career because of them"

"And why?" Duke asked a little more insistently "And Bruce wasn't your father?"

"I mean, if Bruce is my father biologically speaking but..." you sighed and looked at him with a sad smile

"I think it won't hurt to tell you. I trust you" you took his hand in yours and squeezed gently making Duke smile at you

"Before living in Wayne Manor, I lived with my mom and another man, his name was (F/N) (father's name) and he met my mother when she had found out that she was pregnant with me. They met by chance, my mother was a great scientist and he was a journalist and the day they met, he came to interview Bruce for a new project they were doing. He was lost in the big building of Wayne Enterprices and that's where he found mom. She kindly helped him and from what he once told me he was immediately smitten by her. They started dating and ended up falling in love but before that my mom found out that she was pregnant with me and it was clearly not (F/N)'s, but when she told him about her pregnancy and who I was child of, he didn't care and he was with her throughout her pregnancy. Mom quit Wayne Enterprises and moved in with my father. Then I was born and everything was perfect until... one day it wasn't anymore..." you started to tell him, but at the end of your story you had a more somber face

"I..." Duke wanted to talk but he didn't know what to say "And... what happened next?"

You hesitated to talk but he was Duke, he was YOUR brother, of course you could trust him

"Dad was covering an event in downtown Gotham when there was an explosion near the place. I remember it like it was yesterday" you smiled sadly "I was always excited to see him on television and that day was no exception. My mother and I were in the TV room, she was sitting on the couch while laughing at my excitement and I was sitting on the floor in front of the TV. And it was when he was announcing the capture of the Joker in a building when an explosion happened causing the signal to cut out. My mother immediately took me away from the TV and we both went to my room where she tried to calm me down, making sure he was okay but I knew she was scared too. Hours later I fell asleep but I woke up to my mom crying and that was when I knew dad hadn't made it. The funeral was the next day and even though she tried to look strong I knew she was just as bad or worse off than me. Months later, my mom started getting sick, I thought it was because of her low mood but she soon had to be admitted to the hospital. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer and had at most a few months left, in the meantime I stayed with a neighbor, she was an old lady but I saw her as a grandmother. She took me to see my mom every day and one of those days I heard them talking about my real father. Mom tried to convince my nanny to adopt me when she was gone but my nanny refused, she said I would live a better life with my biological father. Weeks later she died too and immediately child services contacted Bruce and well you know the rest"

You looked at Duke still with a small smile

"Does anyone else know all this?" Duke asked after a few seconds of silence

"Nope" you shook your head "Well, Alfred but in a very general way, just what child services told him when he picked me up from that place"

"And yes, I chose to study journalism because of my father. He inspired me a lot when I was little and to this day my dad and mom do it. So, have you finished that project you told me about the other day?"

"Let me walk you home" you said to Duke as you walked through the almost dark streets of Gotham

"Oh no, really! I don't want to cause you any trouble" Duke said a little embarrassed

"Of course not Duke!" you put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed him a little "You're my brother, I'm not going to leave you alone in these dangerous streets"

"I'm a vigilante" he reminded you

"And?" you hugged him

"You're always going to be my little brother"

"You're embarrassing me!" the boy exclaimed as he tried to separate himself from the hug although to be honest, he would never reject a hug from you

"Oh no, they just grow up and they don't even want a hug from their sibling anymore" you said dramatically making both of them laugh

"But seriously, I'll give you a ride to Wayne Manor" you said

"Do you have a car?!" He asked surprised

"No... but a motorcycle, I left it in a parking lot near here. Let's go."

They walked until they reached a parking lot where you had your motorcycle at the back. You handed him your helmet so he could put it on.

"What about you?" Duke asked when he noticed that you only had one helmet

"Don't worry, I'm more worried about you" you said as you got on your motorcycle, followed by him

"Ready?" you turned to look at him

"Ready!" he nodded

"Okay, hold on!" you said before starting the motorcycle

The more Jason looked through the box, the more he felt like he knew you. You liked taking pictures, that was a fact and on the last pages of the album you had some notes next to the photo, describing the situation of the photo.

"Jason?" a voice called from the door of the living room, it was Dick

Realizing that Jason hadn't heard him, the acrobat approached and touched his shoulder making Jason jump a little because he wasn't expecting it.

"What do you want, Dickhead?" he asked irritated

"I was..." Dick interrupted his words when he saw that his brother had several things around him

"What is that?" Jason turned to look at your things again, his expression less hard.

"They're (Name)'s"

"And who gave them to you?" Dick asked as he sat next to him

"Alfred"

"Alfred? Why would he have (Name)'s things?" Dick asked as he grabbed a small purple blanket

"It's some stuff that they probably threw away over time or forgot to take" Jason said as he looked back at the photo album Dick noticed Jason's gaze that was resting on the book and decided to take it but before he could do so Jason grabbed Dick's wrist preventing him from doing so which caused the older man to look at him strangely.

"Jason..?" His voice brought him back to reality.

"Yeah I'm sorry" he let go of his wrist

"It's a photo album. It's (Name)'s" Jason let Dick take the album and he started to flip through it in silence while Jason looked at other things in the box.

"Who is this man?" Dick asked referring to your father

"I have no idea" Jason admitted

"Maybe Babs can recognize him" he said to continue looking at the photos

"Wait... Do you have photos with them?!" Dick exclaimed in surprise

"Yeah..." Jason smiled proudly

"And why don't I have a picture with them?!" Dick said dramatically "I'm their older brother!"

"But I'm their favorite brother" Jason stressed

That couldn't be possible! Dick was EVERYONE'S favorite brother! How could Jason be YOURS?!

"You damn...!" Dick was going to throw himself at Jason if it wasn't for a presence behind them

"What the hell is going on?" asked Bruce who looked at them confused

"And who is all this from?"

"It's from (Name)" said his sons at the same time

"Have you found anything?" asked Jason to Bruce

"No" sighed Bruce as he sat on the couch

"The day of their departure they turned off the cameras for several hours and cleaned their room excellently well"

Jason sighed a little desperate.

"Well... We haven't found anything either but, Jason found this" Dick gave Bruce the album

"Maybe it won't help in finding them but maybe it will help... get to know them better" Dick spat out those last words as if he was ashamed of not knowing his brother/sister for 15 years Bruce started looking at the album like his two sons had done before

"And this man?" he asked when he saw your father of course he remembered your mother, she was very beautiful but equally intelligent.

Yes, it was a very serious loss in his company when she left but this man, he had already seen him before but... where?

"We don't know" Jason said

"I'm going to tell Tim, Stephanie and Barbara to identify him" Bruce said taking the photo of your first birthday. You looked so happy despite being only one year old and what a beautiful smile, it was just like your mother's but... he had never seen him up close

"And what are the others doing?" Jason asked, snapping him out of his thoughts

"Tim, Stephanie, and Barbara are in the Batcave looking through the cameras, and if they have social media, Damian and Cass are still in their room looking for a clue, although to be honest, I'm starting to doubt it," Bruce sighed again

"And Duke?" Jason asked

"Duke..?" Bruce's eyes suddenly opened as he remembered the newest member of the Wayne Family

"He didn't answer or see the messages I sent to the group either," Dick said as he checked his cell phone

"That's it! Duke!" Bruce exclaimed with a smile on his face, causing Dick and Jason to look at each other in confusion

"Okay...?”

“In the morning Duke had told me that he was going out with (Name) so he should know where they are" he explained to them

"Duke and (Name) get along?" Jason asked surprised and a little jealous

"That's right, Master Jason" said Alfred who was standing at the entrance of the room

"Young Master Duke and Master (Name) have maintained a friendly relationship since he arrived at the mansion" explained the older name

"Ha!" laughed Dick while patting him on the back "It seems that you are no longer his favorite"

That made Jason feel a pressure in his chest.

He had to be YOUR FAVORITE again

"Alfred could you give this to Tim, Steph and Barbara, please?" Bruce gave Alfred the photo of your first birthday "Have them identify the man in the picture"

"Of course, Master Bruce" nodded the butler and then left

"So what? Are we going to wait for Duke to arrive?" Jason asked a little gruffly, still angry

"I think we shouldn't wait for him to arrive, Master Jason," Alfred commented as he looked out the window

"Why do you say that?" Dick asked as the three men stood up

"Because he is already here.”

"Well bro, this is where I'm at" you said as you stood on your motorcycle in front of the large doors that gave access to the great Wayne mansion

"Are you sure you don't want to go in and say hello to Alfred?" Duke asked as he took off his helmet and gave it to you

"No thanks. I love Alfred but I wouldn't go in that place again for the life of me" you said as you covered the license plates of your motorcycle with your jacket now that Duke got off. You were a little paranoid like your father but could you be blamed? This place gave you the creeps.

"Okay then I think this is where we say goodbye" Duke said a little sad and you could notice it. You chuckled and hugged him without getting off your motorcycle.

"It's not a final goodbye, besides you have my number" you smiled at him

"I know, but the fact that you don't even live here now is very strange to me. I really miss you"

"And I miss you, little brother" you hugged him one last time

"Text me when you get home" he said once you put on your helmet

"Sure" you nodded as you started your bike

"See you later Duke! I love you"

"I love you too, (Name)" that was the last thing you said to each other before you left for your house

Duke sighed as he watched you leave, not looking back. He walked towards the entrance where the doors opened upon recognition and then walked a flight further until he reached the double doors of the large mansion.

Before he could knock on the door Alfred opened it and greeted him with his usual neutral tone of voice and a small smile which indicated to him that everything was going according to his plan.

"Good evening, young master" Alfred let him in

"Good evening Alfred"

"Master Bruce is waiting for you in the living room with young masters Dick and Jason" Alfred told him as Duke hung his jacket on the coat rack in the entrance

"And why are you looking for me?"

"To ask you about (Name)”

"You were looking for me Bruce?" asked Duke as he peeked through the door to the living room to see the three men sitting in the living room

"That's right Duke" nodded Bruce as he motioned for the younger man to sit

"Okay" he nodded as he took a seat next to Dick "What happened?"

"I need you to tell me everything you know about (Name)" Bruce told him

"And for what?" Duke acted confused

Bruce sighed. No matter how many times he repeated it, it always embarrassed him.

"I want to apologize to them"

"We ALL want to apologize to them" Dick corrected knowing that Bruce was not the only one to blame for this situation

"I have not been a good father to them, I didn't even try and now I see the consequences. My firstborn is away from this family because of me. I should have been more aware of them but I thought that since they weren't a vigilante, they would need less of my attention and now I see how wrong I was" he explained to Duke and then looked him in the eyes

"But you have been able to make a connection with them, and now I need all the information I can get from them so I can find them and tell them all that and more"

Duke sighed but inside he felt satisfaction seeing Bruce in that state, for all the harm he had caused his sibling.

A little punishment never hurt anyone, right?

But if he wanted you to come home then he had to help them, besides he still didn't know where you lived.

"Okay, but I don't have much information," Duke told him.

"We'll judge that," Jason said now, looking at him with a somewhat hard look.

Had he already discovered that he was now (Name)'s favorite?

That only filled him with more satisfaction.

"Okay," he nodded.

Before Bruce could say anything else, Tim arrived in the room, interrupting their conversation.

"Bruce, we've already identified the man."

They all went down to the Batcave and down there were Barbara and Stephanie talking and in the background, on the screen, they saw several pictures and information.

"What did you find?" asked Bruce as everyone approached the Batcomputer

"Well, the man in the picture with (Name) and their mother is (F/N) (L/N)" Barbara began to say "He studied journalism at Gotham University and he was married for 2 years to (M/N) (L/N) and gave his last name to (Name)"

"He died in an explosion caused by the Joker when (Name) was 4 years old, the same age they were when they came to the mansion" finished explaining Steph

Bruce already knew where he knew that man from. He had interviewed him several years ago. He was a very intelligent man and clever with words at that time which bothered him a little. From that interview onwards, the only one allowed to interview him was Clark or Lois, no one else could interview him.

But maybe if he had allowed (F/N) to keep interviewing him, maybe he would have known about his child's existence much sooner and maybe he wouldn't have made so many mistakes with you.

Just MAYBE…

"But isn't (Name) your child?" Dick asked Bruce confused

"Yes, they are" Duke said and everyone turned to look at him so he could continue talking

"They told me, today in fact. They told me about their life before the mansion. They told me that their mother met their father- I mean, (F/N) one day when he came to interview you Bruce" the young man turned to look at them

"And that in fact they're studying journalism like him because they were always inspired by what he did. They have a great memory" he said at the end with a tone of pride knowing that his brother/sister had many gifts even if they didn't realize it

"And how do you know all that?" Damian asked

"I spent the day with them today and they told me about it" Duke said as if it was no big deal

"You... You talk to them?" Tim asked as if he was trying to understand

"Yeah. They helped me a lot when I moved here" he explained

"You said he was studying journalism?" Bruce interrupted

"Yes" Duke nodded

"So if we don't know where he lives we can find out where he studies. Barbara, look up the records of Gotham University on all the journalism students" Bruce asked

"I'm already on it" Barbara nodded and then started typing on the batcomputer

"So... you two are close?" Tim asked Duke surprisingly

"I'd like to think so" Duke laughed a little nervously

"And what do you normally do with them?" With that question everyone started to pay attention even if they didn't look at him

"Well... It depends..." he said "Now that they don't live here anymore we go out to eat and to the arcade and even to the park. We mostly talk but before they left we spent a lot of time in the library, that place was their favorite of the whole mansion because it's more illuminated there. We used to read or they would tell me about some book and even gossip about their friends. From time to time, when you were busy they would train with me or we would also play video games. They are very good with technology and science"

"Did they train with you? Are they also vigilantes like us?" Damian asked for the first time curious about you

"No they are not vigilantes like us" that calmed Bruce down "But they are good at self-defense. They know how to fight"

"But how? I never taught them" Bruce asked

"They are your children Bruce, they are just as good at analysis and observation" then he walked to another monitor and looked for something on the computer. It was a video of both of you training.

In the video you had a sly smile that no one else besides Duke and Alfred had seen on you. While you were dressed in sportswear and some bandages on your knuckles. Duke was just like you, both looking defiant but not intimidating.

"Ready to lose?" Duke told you

"You wish" you smiled with a sly smile

Then you both started to fight, Duke being the first to throw the first blow which you managed to dodge. You both fought for a long time, neither of you giving up easily. After several minutes you both ended up on the ground tired and sweaty.

"Tie?" You suggested, stretching your fist out towards him

"Tie" he nodded, bumping his fist into yours

"You're getting better" you congratulated him

"It's not that bad" Duke said, a little embarrassed with the compliment you gave him

"Of course it is" you patted him on the back "You're getting better pretty fast, I know you'll be able to face Grayson and Todd soon, and maybe one day you'll even be able to match or be better than Bruce"

"Thanks, (Name)" Duke smiled at you

"Don't mention it" you smiled back and stood up

"Shall we take a break?" you offered him a hand to get him up

"Sure" Duke took your hand and stood up

And that was the end of the video Duke was showing them.

"Yeah, they're good training partners," Duke said with a smile.

"I found something," Barbara said, cutting off the tense moment.

Everyone focused on the screen Barbara was working on, looking at a picture of you on the screen and next to it your college information.

"(Name) (L/N), third semester journalism student at Gotham University," Barbara read.

"(L/N)?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah, apparently when they turned 18 they changed their last name," Barbara nodded.

He didn't know anything about you, but he was sure of one thing and that was that he had given you his last name.

You weren't a (L/N)

You were a WAYNE

But don't worry, that would soon be fixed.

"But that's not the important thing," Jason said. "Where do they live?"

"They live in an apartment complex near the university" Barbara said

"Send me the address alone" Bruce ordered

"Bruce! / Father! / B!" everyone started to complain but Bruce silenced them with a look

"Don't even start" he warned them "I'm more than sure that if any of you have this information, they will immediately go looking for you but, we must avoid howling at them because they will most likely be furious with all of us"

Everyone looked at the ground at his words, all of them feeling a little bad.

"So let's wait a bit to face them. Now, everyone goes to rest, it's been a tiring day"

Reluctantly, everyone went to rest while the only ones left downstairs were Bruce and Barbara.

"Don't give them the information. It's an order" Bruce told Barbara

"Understood" she nodded

"Okay, now go rest" he said so the girl could go rest too

Then he turned to look at the big screen where your picture was.

You looked so much like your mother and seeing it from that point of view, he was happy, he already had enough with having Damian, who was already very similar to him. He couldn't wait to meet you again after 15 years.

Well as they say, better late than never, right?

Helloooo!

How are you all? I hope everyone liked this chapter! I'll try to post more frecuently. Anyway if you liked this chapter I will invite you leave a heart, reblog or interact in any other way as leaving asks or comments as I would love to heart your opinions and any sugestiones you may have for the story or even theories.

Thank you for reading! See you in the next one!

PD: I have put everyone that has told me to add them in the TAG LIST so please check it out to see If I have make a mistake or something hahahaha.

-Izadi <3

TAG LIST

@eyeless-kun @profounddestinyrebel @holyfishbailiffpeanut @toast-on-dandelioms @dhanyasri @kiarst @phoenixgurl030 @wpdarlingpan @glitterisname @sackofsadstuff @riddle-me-im-sirius @sirenetheblogger @bat1212 @bluelock4life @revysplacexxx @skz-goose @mistfire1999 @vanessa-boo @tatsuri-zomushiki @kore-of-the-underworld @milliu @lee-bits @ch1@ch1cky-093 @leiiasurez @bluemidnightmelodies @lilyalone @plsfckmedxddy @lovebug-apple @jisnothere @akanegotlost @stormz369 @sugarpiehoe @mddbsf @shhhhhhhhhhtellnobody @i-adorehannah @darktrashpoetry @fantasyhopperhea @d3sperate-enuf @expctron @horror-lover-69 @caffeinatedhearts12 @niggrroo @v3llev3t3 @cynniee @imhere2dosomething @verypersonadazzel @asillysimp @type-ink @wisefuncherryblossom @haruskrd @angelicbear @zoeyburton @twismare @bad4amficideas @casspen-starlight @gwyneveire @ferchu0406 @erinhan08 @yoopsity @aki-anikk @24-7aroundtheclockanxious @ferntv @hunter-hears-all @gwyneveire @yuyuzi-ling @shirp-collector-of-fixations @welpthisisboring @jellyedkazoo @mellowcloudland @rainwaterxx @lunaetiicsaystuff @ryuushou @butratherbutrather @tiredhealer5 @nemesis-writer @jjsmeowthie @a4g3lstarfire @chibikochannumberone @hayley1234 @thestarry-nightfox @kittzu @sillyheartmoonnyx

[somewhereincairparavel]

a huge chunk of the pjo fandom has turned into such a superficial, judgemental and PROBLEMATIC group who defeat the purpose and point that the books were trying to make, it's so fucking atrocious. the prime example of mischaracterizing/reducing the value of characters who are already misunderstood/misjudged in canon. this fandom does this to every.single.character.ever omg

percy jackson is so relatable to many people is because he didn't have to capacity to absorb textbook knowledge but was HIGH on street smart knowledge that got him to succeed. the whole point of his character is that he had low self esteem because he was ridiculed at school by the faculty and the students for being a 'dumb' and 'useless' guy that made him think he's an inconvenience to his mom. the baggage he carried is so overlooked.

the fandom saying stuff like 'annabeth had adhd and dyslexia too but she carried percy' is so fucking disrespectful. one, she's an athena kid who's supposed to be smart that's like the whole point, and that does NOT mean percy wouldn't survive without her. he's a DIFFERENT character and he doesn't need to be a scholar to be a powerful demigod who has his own identity. stop belittling him and comparing all of their adhd/dyslexia struggles. just because annabeth is smarter does NOT mean percy has less value than her, and that whatever comes out of his mouth is just silly gibberish, which is exactly what y'all are trying to imply. no he did NOT get by with just "luck" he's smart and capable enough to actually achieve things. It isn't rocket science.

making jokes like his only purpose is to have a goofy personality and wondering how he 'pulled' annabeth is NOT cute whatsoever. just deprives him of his canon developement and fails to recognise him as an important person because he is not book smart. the level of belittlement. in a way rick also contributes to this character assassination because he added another scene of piper saying something along the lines of 'thank god annabeth is there to keep percy from going wild/doing something stupid' like no miss girl

I could go on about how the fandom infantilizes nico, brushes of hazel's flaws/traits because she's a 'smol' bean (when she literally cusses out octavian, why do y'all hate the idea of her being bold/badass when she literally is??) belittling frank's power because he's 'just an innocent goof', saying stuff like 'in my head leo is a tall guy because rick did him dirty with the height when he is so hot' that's basically implying that he loses his attractiveness because he's short and wanting to confine him into those toxic masculinity standards

slandering rachel and calling her a pick me for liking annabeth as though annabeth already had a claim over percy in BOTL when he wasn't even in a relationship and even had a small liking to rachel (belittling BOTH rachel and percy in the process, is percy not allowed to have feelings too? is he only obligated to like annabeth?), also with the fandom's clear misogyny in their treatment of nico liking percy vs rachel liking percy, go on a moral policing hunt when it comes to jason, piper and percy but goes right ahead to defend and glaze luke's behaviour to annabeth, percy and silena (also victim blaming silena because she was manipulated as a teenager by a fully grown adult who KNEW what he was doing, using her)

stubbornly not wanting to recognise jason as an important character and reducing him into a 'whiney pick me guy who wanted everything to be about himself' and that he's 'boring' not realising that his abusive environment both as a baby and as a teenager suppressed him into struggling and not being able to feel worthy to even have feelings of his own, villianizing and getting on pipers throat for calling percy unimpressive simply because she LOVED and was LOYAL to her then boyfriend?? is she not allowed to have a preference??? heck id be more concerned if she did call percy hot whilst being in a relationship wtf.

and DONT get me started on the grover belittlement and erasure please, saying that percy and grover are only annabeth's 'sidekicks' on quests, as though he wasn't capable to go on a hunt for pan all by HIMSELF not knowing he'll ever be back.

[july-19th-club]

a while back i read jane eyre for the first time since high school in anticipation of watching the 2006 wilson/stephens miniseries. it's incredible to reread these classic novels as an adult, because while i got all the words and understood the *content* as a teenager, i didn't at all find the book interesting or fun to read. anyway i think one of the reasons that book stood the test of time isn't so much the gothic intrigue and how fucked up rochester and his wife are . he sucks so bad in so many ways . but he keeps needing rescued from stuff and only jane can do it . he fucking breaks an ankle falling off a horse early in her employment with him and she's the one who helps him back to the house . his attic wife sets his bedroom on fire and jane's the one who finds him and puts it out before he dies of smoke inhalation . then attic wife sets the house on fire after jane leaves and the whole place burns to the ground, grievous death and permanent injuries, etc, etc. jane comes back yippee everything's okay again! austen heroes don't get wounded like that because they're far too sedate and busy engaging in social seasons and heathcliff is like not wounded physically so much as destroyed emotionally . but this dude strikes the balance for readers who best enjoy when a man is collapsing of various problems and literally cant survive a day without some governess to pour water on his four-poster so he doesn't fry to a crisp

ALSO . i particularly was interested in the passages just after jane first meets him where she talks a lot about how if he was a normal polite person, or even just like a normal Lord with like, a sense of propriety and good manor house manners, she'd have been shy and awkward and uncomfortable and would have hated him. but i think where some interpretations get it wrong is that she doesn't think his rudeness is HOT. she thinks it's good for her own confidence, in that she knows her own self-esteem and social comfort levels are so low that all the scripts of peerage and society make her crawl into herself and disappear. she doesn't know how to follow the scripts convincingly, she's been emotionally abused her whole life so she has no sense of self-worth, but he doesn't follow the script. which means she doesn't have to worry about following it either. which does wonders for her confidence levels because when she can just act in ways that make sense to her rather than second-guessing whether she will be Approved Of, she can actually be a person. and that's what she first appreciates about him: his ability to (more or less without trying or even noticing) facilitate that for her.

"The incident had occurred and was gone for me: it was an incident of no moment, no romance, no interest in a sense; yet it marked with change one single hour of a monotonous life. My help had been needed and claimed; I had given it: I was pleased to have done something, trivial, transitory though the deed was, it was yet an active thing, and I was weary of an existence all passive."

[holylulusworld]

Not alone any longer

Summary: You try to believe in your blooming friendship with Clark.

Pairing: Clark Kent x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, loner reader, introvert reader, flirty Clark, low self-esteem, fluff, Lois bashing, Lois is the worst, destruction of a car

Catch up here: Alone again - Naturally

“Clark, you came,” you gasp as Clark stands in front of your home. He’s got a bouquet of daisies in his hands, offering them to you. “I mean, you’re early.”

“We have a date,” he half-laughs. “You remember we wanted to go on a date.” Clark nervously looks at you. “Did you change your mind?”

“No!” You hastily say. “I didn’t change my mind. It’s just…uh… I didn’t know what to wear.” You drop your gaze. “It’s been a while since someone asked me out. I didn’t know where we were going and tried on so many outfits that I forgot about the time.”

Clark flashes you a soft smile. He seems almost shy when you take the flowers out of his hand, and invite him in.

While you look for a vase, Clark looks around your small apartment. It’s nice, cozy and inviting. You’ve got fluffy pillows on our couch, and lots of plushies keeping you company while you try to write.

“I read one of your articles. Uh-the one about the missing cat, and how the owner did everything to find them. It was heartwarming how you described their reunion.”

You awkwardly look down at your shoes. Embarrassed about your meaningless article, you sigh deeply. “You shouldn’t have read that crap. No one does read it.”

“I liked it very much, Y/N,” Clark softly says your name, making you feel warm. You can see the honesty in his eyes when you finally look at him. “You’ve got talent, Blossom. Never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

You shrug. “I’ll never win a Pulitzer Prize, or be as famous as Lois,” you sniffle. “She’s a star, and I’m the dirt under her shoes. Let’s be honest. Out of all the people I know, I’m the loser among them.”

“Y/N, that’s not true!”

You raise your hand and shake your head. “It’s okay, Clark. Why do you think none of my so-called friends stayed in touch?” You wipe your eyes. “Lois only invites me to rub her success and fame in my face. She didn’t even recognize that I left the party. If not for you, I’d be dead, and she wouldn’t even care. No one does.”

“I care,” Clark steps closer to grab your hand. “Not only because I saved you, Y/N. Before, during the party, you caught my eye. You looked as lost as I felt. I sometimes don’t know why I live here, among people who’ll never understand the burden of my powers and origin.”

“Oh, Clark.” You suddenly wrap your arms around him to comfort Clark. The strongest and bravest person you ever met. Running your hands up and down his back, you murmur his name. “I babble about my unimportant life and ignore that you must be struggling too. Hiding your true nature must be exhausting.”

He smiles and wraps his arms around you. Clark holds you close to his warm chest, feeling his heart beat a little faster. He hasn’t felt a connection with a person for a long time.

“It’s easier now that I got someone important in my life,” he whispers against you. Clark buries his face in your neck and sighs.

“Oh, who’s that? Did you meet someone nice?” You innocently ask, dipping your head to look up at Clark. “I hope they are nice.”

“Blossom, I meant you,” he smiles and presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “You know about my secret for weeks, and didn’t try to take advantage of it.”

“Why would I? You’re a hero, and it’s an honor to know about your secret identity,” you shyly glance up at Clark. “Even though, flying still scares me.”

“I promise to fly carefully with you in my arms.” He smiles when you shy away. You didn’t think Clark wanted to see again, let alone, fly with you again. “I’ll not drop you.”

You giggle when he tells you. “What if you sneeze, and I slip out of your hands? I’ll end up as a pancake on the ground.”

Something flashes in his eyes. Not the red you saw in pictures or videos on the news. No. Worry, fear even. “I never get sick.”

“You never get sick?” You wonder aloud. “Oh, that’s good. I think. I mean, you’re from another world. Makes sense that our diseases can’t harm you.”

“Sometimes I wish that I was a normal guy, with normal problems and a normal life. No one would believe that Superman lies awake at night, dreaming of losing his powers.”

“You do?” you whimper. “I didn’t know you were lonely and sad too.” You hide your face in his chest. “But we are friends now. So, you’re not alone anymore.”

“Yeah,” he hums. “We are friends now…”

“Lois, what’s wrong?” You gasp watching your friend storm into your home. She huffs and throws her locks back while brushing past you. Lois looks around your living room, sneering as her eyes land on the daises Clark got for you.

“You know exactly what’s wrong,” she twirls around to glare at you. “Your life must be extremely shitty if you must go out with my boyfriend!”

“Your boyfriend?” You frown deeply. “I thought you’re single. And I don’t know who you are talking about.”

“Clark Kent!” She spats. “You had to date my boyfriend, didn’t you? Just you know, he only feels sorry for you. Pathetic little Y/N, always so lonely and sad, standing in the corner to lure sweet Clark in.”

“He’s not your boyfriend,” you’re getting angry. “You broke up with him over a year ago. And, when he talked to me, I didn’t even know he was your ex. What Clark and I do is none of your business. We are friends and like spending time together!”

Lois wrinkles her nose at the word friends. “Does he know you’re a frigid, emotionally disabled and whiny little bitch? I guess not.”

She raises her hand to slap your face. You flinch and prepare for the impact when something outside your window explodes. Dropping to the ground, you press your hands to your ear as Lois screams in terror. She needs a moment before running toward your balcony.

Ever the investigative journalist, she steps onto your balcony to look down at the sidewalk to see her car got destroyed. It seems like it got cut into two halves. “No, what…” She shakes her head. Lois knows there’s only one person in this world able to cut her car into two halves within the blink of his eyes. “Why would he do this?”

Superman floats high above the sky, unseen. Watching Lois yell at you, he got angry. Even more, when she raised her hand against you, he couldn’t hurt her, so he did the next best thing. Clark sent a warning to her.

“You destroyed her car,” you glance down at the people in the streets. They look like ants as you float above the city. “Why?”

“She wanted to hurt you,” Clark holds you safe in his arms as you cling to him. You’re still scared of flying around with him, but he asked you to come with him so sweetly, you couldn’t deny him. “I’m sorry for scaring you. I got so mad and… I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.”

“I’d smashed her car too if I had any powers,” you give him a cracked smile. “She was vile and mean without a reason. Lois only got mad because we are friends now. She is like a kid wanting her toy back after she threw it away.”

“I’m a toy?” He looks at you in his arms.

“No…that’s not…” you sigh. “I didn’t mean it that way. She’s just…”

“I know, Blossom.” Clark presses his lips to your forehead. “What she said was mean. I couldn’t let her hurt you even more.”

“She’s not wrong,” you sniff. “I’m not good with dates and such. Men usually run for the hills after one date because I get nervous and anxious easily.”

“Y/N, I like you the way you are,” he whispers. Clark dips his head to press a soft kiss on your lips—a short and sweet one to test the waters. You giggle as your cheeks heat up. “I like you a lot, Blossom.”

“I like you a lot too, Clarkie,” you smile at Clark, feeling your heart flutter. “Can you…” You giggle, “Kiss me again?”

You don’t have to ask twice. Clark kisses you again, soft and sweet, while you float about the city. You forget about Lois and the rest of the world. It’s just you and Clark, and that is enough…

Part 3 - FIN

Tags in reblog.

[rowdyluv]

Do you think any of the Hughes brothers would date a plus size girlie?

Oh absolutely. I don’t think any of them are so surface level to think they have to be so cookie cutter nhl stereo typical.

jack and quinn blurb thoughts I’ve been gatekeeping for a bit below the cut. warnings: insecurity, arguments(ish), low self esteem, still sappy & fluffy

𝚚𝚞𝚒𝚗𝚗 𝚑𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚎𝚜

Quinn sensed the insecurity in yourself as the two of you got ready to leave your apartment for your date. Before you could lock yourself into the bathroom he gently took your hand, pulling you back into the bedroom.

"You know," he began, his voice low and earnest, "I don't see you the way you see yourself." He searched your eyes, trying to convey the depth of his feelings.

His words were a balm to your soul, but you were afraid to let the hope in. "What do you mean?" You asked tentatively.

Quinn took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours.

"I mean," he said, his thumb tracing the soft curve of your cheek, "I love every single part of you. The way your eyes light up when you laugh, the warmth of your smile that could warm the coldest of days, and yes," he paused, his gaze dropping down your body and back up to meet your eyes. "I love your body too, Y/n. Your curves are like a masterpiece that I will never get tired of exploring."

He took a step closer, his athletic frame towering over your own, yet fitting perfectly against you as he wrapped his arms around your waste.

"The way you fill out your clothes, the way you look when you're lying in our bed, the way your body feels against mine—it's all perfect to me." His voice grew softer, his sincerity palpable. "I don't see you and think 'she's plus size'. I never have. I see you and think 'she's mine'."

🝮

𝚓𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚑𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚎𝚜

"Jack," you said, your voice quivering with the weight of your decision. "We need to talk."

Jack looked up from the TV, his eyes immediately locking onto your, sensing the gravity in your tone. He turned the game off instead of muting it like he usually would. He turned to face you, giving you his full attention, his heart thumping in his chest. "What's up, babe?"

You took a moment to gather your thoughts, trying to push down the lump in your throat. Then, with a sudden burst of bravado that you weren’t sure you had in you, the words needed to pick the fight you needed, tumbled right out.

"I’m sorry, this. Us. It’s not working and it’s all my fault, I didn’t listen to everyone around me saying this would be a mistake.” Your voices tapered to a whisper at the end. Calling the two of you a mistake tasted like acid on your tongue.

Jack looked at you with confusion, his eyebrows knitting together. "What are you talking about?" He set the TV remote down on the coffee table, leaning over, his elbows propped on his knees, as if to bridge the distance between them.

“Don’t play coy. I see all the other women.” You gestured around with your hands as if they were to be standing in your living room. “They’re who you should be with. Skinny, athletic, models. Why settle?” Your voice laced with accusation, your eyes dropped from his not being able to look at the hurt expression written all over it.

Jack's jaw clenched, his eyes narrowed. He knew you had been dealing with some insecurities but he didn’t expect this. Not anything about the two of you and definitely not after three years of being together.

"Wh-Who told you that? Because it's surely not from me, and it's not the truth." His voice was firm, yet gentle. He stood up, moving closer to you, but you backed away.

"Y/n," he said, his voice thick with emotion, pain swelling in his chest. "Look at me. Baby, please look at me.” When you finally met his gaze, he took another step forward, closing the distance between you two.

"I don't care what anyone else says. You are what I want. Always. You are the one who makes me happy, who understands me, who sees me for who I truly am and not just some athlete." He paused, reaching out to take your hand. He didn’t care how desperate he sounded with his voice cracking as if he was pubescent again. He needed you. "You're the one I want—no. The one I need to come home to every night, now and twenty years from now. I am so in love with your heart, your gorgeous body, and oh my god your brilliant mind. You. Just you, you’re all I need."

🝮

© property of rowdyluv ; do not copy and re-upload as your own - anywhere. do not place my work inside AI codes, do not translate.

[gingerteafairy]

“more rodrick fics!” me and the crowd yell in unison

say no more, rodrick's back

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

rodrick heffley x reader

summary: Rodrick feels bad for being dyslexic, but you're always there to support him. tags n warnings: fluff, college!rodrick, maybe a little angst and low self esteem, dyslexia.word count: 1.5k masterlist

A/N: one of my best friends is dyslexic, so i thought about her doing this. she believes in canon dyslexic rodrick lmao

What wouldn’t a human do to rack up extra hours for their college resume? Once again, you and Rodrick found yourselves sitting through a lecture you didn’t even know the topic of.

On stage, an older woman spoke with the confidence of someone in the middle of a great dream, refusing to wake up. The audience, on the other hand, looked like they were trapped in a never-ending nightmare.

Rodrick, already slouched in his seat, pulled out his phone and started typing, subtly gesturing for you to do the same.

Rod: This lecture sucks. Get me out of hereeeeee.

You: So boring. I don’t think she even knows what she’s talking about. She keeps asking if she’s making sense or if she’s right.

Rod: you actually paying attention to this shyt?

You: I would be if I weren’t distracted by the fact that she’s wearing a leopard print dress, a neon green belt, and hot pink boots.

Rodrick lowered his phone slightly, glancing up at the woman on stage.

Rod: That’s stile right there. You got any woter?

You: Woter?

Rod: Yeah, woter. The liquid that kills thrust.

You: THRUST

Rod: OH MY GOD. Watter and thirst.

You: AAAAAAAAA.

Rodrick widened his eyes and smacked his forehead with his palm.

Rod: Doesn’t matter. You know I’m epileptic.

You: You mean dyslexic?

Rod: No, that’s a soda.

You nearly choked on your laugh, quickly covering your mouth to avoid drawing attention.

You: Dyslexia is when someone has trouble reading and writing. Epilepsy is seizures.

Rod: Ure just making up words now. My psichrist told me it’s epilepsy.

You: Considering what you do with drumsticks, I kinda see it.

Rod: stfu, you’re being a idiot.

You: How did you even get into college?

Rodrick smirked, lazily draping an arm over the back of his chair.

Rod: Because you woudn’t suvive with out me.

You: So you rigged the tests?

Rod: Anything for my wondrfu girlfriend.

Rodrick finally glanced away from his phone to look at you. His smirk softened before he leaned in and pressed a slow, unhurried kiss to your cheek. Then, he lowered his phone and scanned the room. The auditorium was empty enough that no one cared what you two were doing.

Picking up his phone again, he typed:

Rod: Looks like this thing wraping up. Wanna go get an amburger?

You: Let’s go now. We already signed in at the entrance.

Rodrick nodded in approval, shoving his phone into his pocket as he stood up. He waited for you to step ahead, then grabbed your hand, fingers intertwining with yours as you walked toward the parking lot.

The campus was quiet—the other students were probably skipping the lecture entirely or napping somewhere.

When you reached the van, Rodrick unlocked the door and pulled it open, pausing before getting in.

“Hey, what did you put for letter three?” he asked, furrowing his brows.

“For the test?” You held back a laugh as you caught the small mistake and slid into the passenger seat.

“Yeah. I think I got it totally wrong. Why do we still have math in college anyway?” He shook his head, turning the key in the ignition. “I mean… we still have that thing with the number lines.”

“You mean Roman numerals?” You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms with an amused smile.

Rodrick rolled his eyes dramatically, throwing his head back against the seat.

“Yeah. There’s this crowd pleaser in my class who wrote the test questions in Roman numerals. Everyone laughed at him.”

“Wow, that’s mean.” You bit your lip to keep from laughing.

Rodrick waved his hands around dramatically before dropping them onto the steering wheel.

“There’s something wrong with that kid. He asked me what LII was like I’m an idiot.”

You tilted your head, curious. “And what did you do?”

He let out an exasperated sigh, like he was still annoyed about it.

“Told him to quit being a psychopath making up numbers. That one doesn’t even exist. I know because numbers only go up to XX. High School biology.”

You widened your eyes, barely holding in your laughter. "I never made that connection before. You must be a genius."

Rodrick, clearly pleased with himself, puffed out his chest and stretched his arms as if he were carrying the weight of immense knowledge on his back.

"A lot of geniuses were dyslexic. I looked it up on ChatGPT." He paused dramatically, resting his hands on the steering wheel before shooting you a serious look. "By the way, I love being born in this era. I have no idea how I’d survive without ChatGPT."

You laughed, leaning slightly toward him.

"So I guess you hate those people who say they were born in the wrong generation."

Rodrick groaned, throwing his head back once again.

"Totally. As if these kids wouldn’t be glued to their phones no matter what era they lived in." He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "At least I’m honest about my eight hours of screen time."

You raised an eyebrow, pretending to be surprised.

"I never realized you were on your phone that much."

Rodrick scratched the back of his neck, glancing out the window like he was reluctant to admit something.

"It's just... when you're not with me, I kinda get stuck on it."

Warmth spread through your chest at his confession. You smiled and reached out, gently touching his chin to turn his face toward you.

"You’re such a sweetheart, you know that?"

Rodrick blinked a few times, looking caught off guard. He opened his mouth to say something but hesitated, his gaze flickering down to the dashboard before meeting yours again.

"Don’t you ever feel bad about dating someone so…" He took a deep breath, swallowing hard. "...so dumb?"

Your smile disappeared instantly.

"Dumb?" You furrowed your brows, leaning in slightly.

Rodrick pressed his lips together, staring at the steering wheel. He shook his head, like he already knew you were going to deny it but still couldn’t fully believe it himself.

"Rodrick, you're not dumb. You just have more trouble reading. That doesn’t make you stupid."

He let out a long sigh, his shoulders sinking as if he’d been carrying that thought for a while.

"It’s not that... I don’t know. You’re so smart, and I just keep messing things up all the time." His voice was lower now, almost like he was talking more to himself than to you.

You slid your hand over his, which rested on the steering wheel, and slowly intertwined your fingers, giving a firm squeeze.

"You’re sweet for ignoring my mistakes and not making fun of me," he murmured. "But sometimes, I feel like you’re just lying to make me feel better."

Without hesitation, you squeezed his hand tighter.

"Rodrick, I love you." Your voice was steady, leaving no room for doubt. "And that’s never going to change. Never let this make you feel less than you are."

Rodrick lifted his eyes slowly, like he was trying to fully absorb your words. A small, almost hesitant smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Then, without saying anything, he brought your hand to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss against it, closing his eyes for a moment.

He stayed like that for a while, just gently brushing his thumb over the back of your hand, as if he wanted to hold on to this moment forever.

"You know when I realized I was in love with you?" he asked, locking eyes with you.

"When?" You leaned in closer, curiosity shining in your gaze.

“When I asked if you wanted to see my dick and I said duck.” He beamed, intertwining your hands with his. “Seriously, you didn’t break the mood or anything, you just laughed and kept going. That was, like, the nicest thing anyone’s ever done to me.”

“It was kinda cute tho.” You smiled, playing with his hands. “The only thing cuter than when you saw a cat and said you were petting a pussy.”

"Oh, okay. You might as well run me over with a truck now."

He threw his hands up in an exaggerated gesture before covering his face with both palms, as if he wanted to disappear from existence.

You couldn’t hold back your laughter. A loud, uncontrollable laugh bubbled up from your chest, filling the van.

Rodrick froze for a second, narrowing his eyes as a dramatic sigh slipped from his lips. Slowly, he peeled his hands away from his face, the corners of his mouth twitching into a satisfied smirk.

"At least my epilepsy makes you laugh."

You rolled your eyes, still laughing, and tilted your head to the side, letting it rest against the seat.

"It's always good to see the bright side of things."

Rodrick watched you for a moment, his gaze softening. Then, he leaned in slowly, his hand trailing up to your face, cold fingers barely grazing your cheek before gently pulling you into a quick, but affectionate, kiss.

"Guess not everything about me is a disaster."

[msmk11]

Hiii!! I love your work so much and was wondering if you could do a poly marauders (and lily) x hufflepuff coded fem reader comfort fic 💛 maybe they are just having a bad day, being insecure and everyone tries there best to comfort her? thankyou (even if you decide not to)

Omg hi lovely! Thank you so much for the request. This is actually my first ever and I’m so excited and happy to write it for you! I hope it lives up to your standards - MK <3

Just Hold Me For Awhile

——————————————————————————

Poly!Marauders + Lily x fem!reader

Word count: 1.3k

Cw: low self-esteem, hurt/comfort, sad/anxious reader

A/n: Baby’s first request! Ngl I rewrote this like three times, but now it finally feels genuine and I’m very happy with it. I hope you all enjoy :)

There is no evidence to confirm your fears besides the incessant voice inside your head.

You’re not good enough.

You’re not smart enough.

You’re not funny enough.

You’re not pretty enough.

Eventually, they’re all going to leave you.

You are going to end up alone.

Deep down, you know none of these things are true. But reason is no match for your anxiety and the extraordinariness of each of your partners.

James- best Gryffindor chaser the team has had

in years.

Lily- number one in your class.

Remus- Casanova of Gryffindor tower.

Sirius- absolutely fearless in the face of adversity.

You- the ordinary Hufflepuff who just got lucky.

It consistently amazes you that you ended up in a relationship with these four bold, well-known, and well-liked Gryffindors. They all love you so much and you feel grateful that you get to love and be loved by them everyday.

But no matter how much love and care they give you, it cannot entirely soothe the deep-rooted feeling of inadequacy lurking within. You can’t help but sometimes feel out of place in your own relationship- not because your partners exclude you, but rather because your obvious ordinariness situates you outside their circular of extraordinariness.

It’s a feeling that’s lingered since the four first showed interest in you, but recently it’s been possessing you tenfold.

All these thoughts are racing around in your head as you sit at the foot of Sirius’ bed in the boys’ dormitory. Peter is off on a date, leaving you five with some much needed alone time. The moment is serene, with Sirius painting your nails a soft green, Lily braiding Sirius’ hair out of his face, Remus dangling over the edge talking to you three, and James on top of him, massaging his back.

The four are talking about some recent Hogwarts drama, so you’ve sort of zoned out of the conversation, only adding in commentary here or there.

“I mean, I’m so glad Pandora hexed him,” Lily says, “he totally deserved it.”

“I just never would’ve pinned her as the type of person to hex someone, with the way she’s so soft spoken and all,” Sirius replies.

“She does hang out with your brother and Junior though,” Remus reminds him.

“And Evan is her brother,” James adds with a laugh, “it’s in her blood. I just wish I could’ve seen Mulciber’s face.”

“It probably looked as dumb and stupid as always, if not more so,” Sirius jokes.

Everyone busts out laughing and you faintly chuckle through your anxiety-induced brain fog.

Someone taps the side of your cheek.

“Doll, you there?”

You jolt out of your trance and look at Sirius, “hmm? Sorry, what?”

“I asked if you wanted anything else done to your nails.”

You briefly glance down at your perfectly manicured nails, “oh, uh, yeah. Perfect as always, my star.”

Remus reaches down and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, “are you okay, dove? I feel like you’ve been awfully quiet today.”

You smile a little and wave him off, “oh yeah, fine. Just tired, Moons.”

“Wanna come take a nap, angel?” James asks sweetly, opening his arms.

Though you’re not actually that tired, it’s mainly just an excuse, you can’t pass up the offer from your cuddliest of boyfriends. You peck Sirius’ cheek as a thank you for doing your nails and then crawl onto James’ lap. You situate your head on his chest and curl up as he wraps his arms around you. His musky cologne eases the knots in your stomach a little and you try to focus on the steady beat of his heart.

“Better?” he mumbles into your hair.

You quietly hum in confirmation.

You keep your eyes closed all cuddled up with James as you listen to your partners quietly chat. Within minutes of your getting settled you sense movement on the bed. Remus shifts upwards to lay next to you and James- you can tell from the sudden increase in body heat- and you feel Sirius and Lily lay down at your feet.

Suddenly, you feel a pair of rough lips- Remus’ lips- against your forehead. Though he thinks you’re asleep, you hear him whisper, “get some rest, my sweet girl.”

Someone’s head falls on your knee and then you hear Lily’s voice, “she’s so pretty when she sleeps, isn’t she? All soft and peaceful.”

You recognize Sirius’ habitual stroking of your leg with his thumb as he adds, “I didn’t think she could get any softer or sweeter, but here we are.”

“Our angel,” James coos.

Though you suppose most would feel pretty lucky to hear these things about themselves, they only make you feel worse.

You hate yourself.

You hate yourself for having four wonderful, caring, and loving partners, and you can’t even appreciate them because of your own self-loathing. You despise this nasty habit of self-sabotage, but you’re not sure how to break it.

As you lay there and listen to them say such nice things about you, you feel a lump grow in your throat and hot tears spring to your eyes. The tightness in your chest is near painful, and you need some relief.

You try to shift just the slightest- as if you’re just moving around in your sleep- to bury your head in James’ chest, out of everyone’s eyesight.

But once you let one tear drop, a whole rainstorm comes. You try and keep your sobs and sniffling quiet, but your hot, wet tears give you away to James.

“Angel?” James asks worriedly. He pulls you away from his chest to look at your face and sees the snotty, tear-stained mess you’ve become.

“Dove,” Remus pleads worriedly, “what’s wrong? What’s happened.”

Your sobs are too strong for you to respond and you can only shrug your shoulders. Your eyes are blinded by tears and you can’t see their faces, but you know they’re filled with concern and worry. To make them worry like this only causes you to cry harder.

You’re not really aware of what’s happening around you. All you know is one minute your in James’ arms, and the next in Sirius’. Sirius strokes your hair away from your face and holds you in his lap like a baby. He rocks you back and forth quietly, not saying anything at all.

It’s nice, not having to say anything and just crying. Even if you had the ability to speak through your tears, you don’t know that you could. There’s no easy way to describe your feelings of inadequacy, and no amount of ‘talking it out’ could ever just solve the problem either. So you just cry. Cry because you’re angry that you feel this way. Cry because you’re sad. Cry because you’re tired. Tired of not feeling like you’re ever enough. And you cry just because you can. Because you know that your partners will be there for you for as long as you need to cry.

And when the sobs finally quiet to a hiccup here or there, you appreciate that they give you silence to breathe and just process everything.

Lily stands and wanders off, coming back with a glass of water that she presses into your hands. You sip it gently before James takes it from you and sets it on the nightstand. Remus goes and grabs a hot washcloth, wiping your face oh so gently with a soft look in his brown eyes. Sirius hands you back to James- your most tactile partner- and settles again at your feet.

Then, with the most quiet and tender voice, Sirius asks you only one thing, “What do you need from us?”

“Just hold me for awhile.”

And so, like many days before, and hopefully every day after, you five pile into bed, reveling in each other’s warmth and security.

As you lay surrounded by your lovers, you know that even though those same lousy feelings continue to reside inside of you, you will figure it out. And when you’re ready to talk, or rant, or cry some more, your partners will be there.

[memoirofasparklemuff1n]

no one noticed- r.c. x reader

part 2 of you noticed

summary: after leaving the car of your best friend while crying and then proceeding to ignore rafe for three weeks straight, he appears at the party where you're at.

warnings: angst, swearing because i’m just a girl, and reader has low self esteem. please, please take care of yourself if it’s a bit triggering <3

a.n: the way that i can finally use the marías as my inspiration 🙂‍↕️ and THE TITLE IS PERFECT?? life is great sometimes <3

hoy es un buen día para ser puertorriqueña, pero estoy triste porque no tienen fechas para conciertos acá.

masterlist

***

three weeks

three weeks since you'd last seen rafe and ran to hide away in your house. he had blown up your phone until it shut off and you just kept avoiding him at all costs. he'd thrown rocks at your bedroom window, left notes in your car, in your mailbox, and even got sarah to check on you but you didn't budge.

it wasn't even because you didn't want to see him, quite the opposite really, he was all you thought about. you missed him terribly but you were scared. scared of rejection or the fact that you would have to explain your feelings that you still couldn't explain to yourself.

great. i fucked this up too.

and sarah, well, she wasn't too happy with you either. despite her differences with rafe, he was still her brother, so it was understandable for her to be angry at you. well, not really angry just, disappointed? you didn't even know at this point.

it wasn't like you were isolated from the world. on the contrary, you went to every party on the cut, the ones you knew rafe wouldn't think twice of going. you'd twisted sarah's arm to not tell him and she had agreed, begrudingly. primarily because she owed you a favor for that one time she told her dad she was staying with you, when in reality, she had snuck away to have a romantic getaway with john b.

you hadn't wanted to stoop this low, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

so, there you were playing beer pong with kiara against jj and pope, and because rafe's phone was blocked and your family was away on the mainland he'd have to assume you were gone as well.

for the first time in three weeks you felt lighter and more like yourself than ever.

well, jokes on you.

"wooooo," you high-fived kie when you beat the boys, jumping and throwing childish insults their way. their eyes widened at something behind you, but you didn't notice. you never fucking notice.

"so, who's brave enough to go up against the beer pong champions?" you said jokingly with a cocky expression. if there was one thing you were the best at, it was beer pong. except for him. after all, he'd taught you.

"i am." you froze at the voice behind you. a voice you knew far too well. life's a fucking bitch. she would lift you up, bite you in the ass, and throw you against the ground. all while laughing.

kiara was unaware of the situation, far too busy flirting with jj until pope elbowed her and jerked his head in your direction. and, of course, the moment you turn around, jj and pope start making bets.

rafe looked incredibly worn down. his hair was overgrown, with his bangs falling over his eyes, his polo shirt rumpled, and the cameron signet ring a bit too loose around his finger. his eyes searched your face and to anybody else you would've looked fine. but he still managed to see the hurt underneath the carefree persona you had on display.

no one noticed. no one tried to read my eyes. no one but you. wish it weren't true.

you hear jj and pope exchanging guesses over how things would go down. "man, $10 he beats her. i mean, c'mon, we've all seen him play," jj sounded weirdly confident but just when you were about to turn around, pope interrupted.

"dude, i think she's gonna beat him. she won against all of us, plus she's not exactly happy with rafe. also, the probability of her winning against him is significantly higher than his because she knows all of his moves. and she's had practice all night. he hasn't, so i think she's going to win."

"bro, i have no idea what you just said, but deal." jj agreed while kie scoffed at the interaction.

something clicked in your brain because they somehow knew too much of your rafe situation which made you realize that sarah had probably overshared. again. she was probably the one that told rafe where you were. sarah, when i catch you.

“so, what do you say?” you’d gotten distracted by the boys’ interaction, now bringing your attention back to him. you nodded because there was no way you’d back down.

you knew it was more than just a game. and you knew you would lose.

“c’mon, dude. hurry up,” jj whined. you glared at him and returned your gaze to rafe.

“fine,” you accepted with a sigh. “kie?”

but before she could answer, rafe interrupted. “i think it should just be you and me, kid. unless you’re scared.” his smirk was cruel but his eyes were hard to read.

you rolled your eyes because if there was one thing you hated was being called a coward. he knew that.

“c’mon, cameron. i don’t have all night,” you gestured towards the table, turning your back to him.

the crunch of gravel under his footsteps reached your ears until he stopped close enough for you to feel his breath down your neck.

“oh but you do.” he stepped back before you could react but your shiver did not go unnoticed.

“alright, everybody listen up!” jj lifted his red cup in a cheer. “the two undefeated partners at beer pong against each other. who would’ve thought?”

the drunken crowd cheered as if it were some big time championship. ridiculous.

pope only added to the absurdity by taking his job way too seriously, “ready?”

“yeah yeah. this ain’t the super bowl,” you announced with an eye roll.

you could feel rafe’s gaze burning a hole through your skull. kie stepped closer with a sympathetic smile, “you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. i know it seems stupid but i promise it’s not that deep.” you both knew it wasn't about the game.

i smiled back at her, “i know but i don’t think jj or pope would let me live it down if i didn't play.”

she laughed, “true. good luck.”

“thanks, babe.” you saw a blonde head out of the corner of your eye. sarah was standing with a confused but worried expression at the situation unfolding before her. john b walked behind her laughing but stopped when he saw my expression and rafe’s sour look.

he looked at you in question and you simply nodded. he frowned but didn’t say anything. you figured sarah had told him. you made a mental note to never again share a secret with her. although this one hadn't exactly been under your control.

“are we doing this or what?” jj complained.

“for fucks sake, yes!” you and rafe exclaimed in unison. a situation that would’ve been funny in another life but not now.

”no need to yell at me, ok? leave the passion for the game,” causing you and rafe to scoff. it was weird how alike you were even when mad.

to jj’s urging, the game began. at first you got a couple of balls in the cups, but after a few missed shots on your part, your side started to get emptier. cup after cup you drank, the warm beer burning down your throat.

considering you’d eaten at least twelve hours before, the alcohol was quickly making your head fuzzy.

“Y/N! i can’t let jj win, c’mon.” pope looked at you with an annoyed expression, while the other looked smug as he looked at rafe like he hung the moon.

“it’s just $10,” you threw back.

“it’s more than those $10, ok? my dignity is at stake here.” scoffing, you returned your focus on the game. makes two of us.

somehow your aim came through despite your lightheadedness, causing you to even out the odds.

“rafe, c’mon dude! pope won’t let me live this down,” jj yelled. rafe ignored him, focused on the final cup.

rafe threw the ball, hitting the corner of the final cup causing it to fall off to the side. it was your turn and possibly your final one, whether you won or not. he wouldn’t fail next time.

you closed an eye while aiming and once you were sure, you threw the ball. it hit the corner of rafe's final cup and somehow, somehow fell in. you’d won. you stared in shock for a moment before pope started hollering and lifted you off the ground. jj threw his cap to the ground in frustration before storming off to refill his cup.

after pope let you go, rafe came up to you.

he stood there for a moment before gesturing to the cars parked behind. you knew he would drag you there if necessary so might as well avoid the theatrics.

the short walk to his truck was silent and he got in without a word. you thought you’d talk there but maybe it was better to hide from prying eyes. walking towards the passenger side, you opened the door and climbed inside. it looked and smelled exactly the same. be so for real, it’s only been a few weeks.

he turned the engine on before peeling off the parking lot and away from the party. you could tell he was angry. the grip on the steering wheel had turned his knuckles white, his gaze straight ahead. you looked down at your hands posed over your lap as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

you were so focused on them that you hadn’t noticed that rafe had stopped the truck. the empty beach looked peaceful, the waves crashing softly against the rocks, the moon causing the sand to sparkle. it was your spot. the one you came to when you were sad and the one where you'd brought rafe a few times. how fitting.

he didn’t say anything and still refused to look at you. you took a deep breath because if you didn’t speak he’d explode and it would only make things worse.

“rafe?” his jaw clenched at the sound of your voice.

"what the fuck is your problem?" he was still looking ahead as if you weren't there. you opened your mouth but nothing came out so you just looked down at your hands in silence.

after another long pause, he finally spoke.

"do you have any idea of what i've gone through these past three weeks?" you took a deep breath and really looked at him. this time you couldn't turn away because the storm in his eyes made you not want to find out.

"rafe, i-"

"no, i'm talking now," he cut you off, along with a glare. you sighed and nodded.

"i have been reaching out to you all this time and you didn't even have the decency to even send me a text. you are a hypocrite. all those times you criticized me for not talking things out with my friends or my family and you have been acting ten times worse."

ouch.

"and that's not even the worst part. you didn't even tell me what was wrong. i had to go to my sister, who you know i don't get along with, just to figure out what the fuck was going on." you winced at his words but mainly at his tone. he'd never spoken to you that way. i deserve it, i guess.

"you ran out of my car crying without so much as a word and then radio silence. i called and called, went to your house and waited out front just to be ignored." your eyes began to fill with tears because if there was someone you never wanted to disappoint it was him. even more so when none of this was his fault.

"i was worried, ok? things with my dad haven't been very good, i missed my best friend, and when i most needed her, she wasn't there." his voice cut off with a choke and when you looked up again you could see his eyes shining with unshed tears.

that explained his disheveled appearance and was all it took for you to begin sobbing, "i'm sorry, rafe. i didn't mean for it to go this way."

"yeah, well you should've thought of that beforehand." he swallowed and turned his face away from yours as if the sight of you made him sick.

"rafe, i-" you took a deep breath. "i wanted to stay and i wanted to be there, but i was afraid and i should've told you."

he still didnt turn but muttered softly, "but you didn't."

"i was afraid that you didn't feel the same way." you held your breath with a wince and your hands became your center of attention once again.

"you didn't even give me a chance to explain," his words came out accusingly but without real bite.

"i already knew the answer," you whispered but you knew he heard. he would never love you the way you loved him. you were the sister sarah never was. never more. for a while you thought that would be enough but that day at the bonfire proved you wrong. if it was a simple girl at a party that drove you to throw up twice, what would a girlfriend do to you? yeah, that would entail a long hospital stay. talk about over dramatic.

"you know for someone that is supposedly very smart, you know nothing about the things that matter." you felt him shift in his seat, causing you to look up.

"what do you mean?" you didn't let yourself hope. hope was the root of disappointment.

he smiled and shook his head, closing his eyes with a sigh.

"it's so obvious that i love you." he said it so softly you were almost certain you were hallucinating. yeah, it was definitely the old beer back at the game.

he opened his eyes, taking in your shocked expression.

"don't run away on me again," he joked nervously.

"are you serious?" disbelief colored your words.

he tilted his head in exasperation, "would i be this wrecked over someone i didn't love? i thought you knew me better than that."

you hesitated before asking, "do you love me the way i love you?"

he sighed at your words.

"kid, c'mon. yes, i love you—as a woman. not like a friend and most definitely, not like a sister." he leaned closer to level his gaze to yours and he noticed the way your breath grew shallow.

he slowly reached his hand over to touch your cheek with the back of his hand, the ring on his finger was cold against your skin. you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch.

you felt his other hand tuck your hair behind your ear before he leaned over and kissed your tears away. your heart beat picked up its speed when he then kissed your forehead, your eyelids, your nose, which caused you to giggle.

"there she is," he murmured against your temple while slowly trailing his way down to the corner of your mouth. his left hand was resting on your neck, while his right hand tilted your head up.

he chuckled, "i can feel your pulse."

"shut up," you retorted, breathily.

yet before you could say anything else, his lips were against yours and suddenly the world disappeared. your lungs filled with air as if it was your first and last breath. your hands made their way up his chest until they were around his neck, before tangling your fingers in his hair. you felt him everywhere, one of his hands was also in your hair while the other pulled you closer by the waist.

unfortunately for you (is it though? hehehe), the center console was still in the way, the stick shift digging onto your sides causing rafe to groan in frustration. he pulled back and undid your seatbelt, lifting you up clumsily over the center until you were on his lap straddling him. he wasted no time in pulling you back against him by your waist and taking your arms to put them around his neck. you chuckled against his lips but he let out a sound that left you breathless.

"not funny," his voice was thick with longing. he closed the space between you until you were all but one. his lips were so soft, contrary to his tough exterior. his scent filled your senses, making your head spin. he pulled away only to keep kissing down your cheek, your neck before resting his head on your shoulder and held you impossibly tighter.

the cabin filled with the sounds of your heavy breathing before rafe spoke against your skin.

"i missed you so, so much. please, don't ever do that to me ever again." you stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head.

"i love you, i'm sorry." you couldn't help but feel guilty but you decided you'd prove to him how sorry you really were.

actions spoke more than words.

"i love you, too" you felt him press his lips against curve of your neck, causing you to shiver.

and of course, he noticed.

***

WOOOOOO

I DID IT GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really hope y'all like this one. IM SORRY IF ITS BAD, BUT I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING IT SO MAYBE NOT. i was kicking and giggling but also lowkey embarassed. how tf do some of you write smut is beyond me. thank you for your service

never in my life have i made myself feel so single bye. need this rafe fr. ESPECIALLY AFTER THE HAIM MUSIC VIDEO.

Y'ALL IM NOT OK, I WAS HYPERVENTILATING

IM EDITING AND I LEGIT JUST GOT LITERAL CHILLS

THE KISS SCENE IS ON REPEAT IN MY HEAD, WTF.

dreaming about it tonight, honestly.

god? it's me again. he's so done with me.

ALSO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE FOR YOU NOTICED.

i honestly did not expect that and im so so grateful. thank you thank you thank you <3

i legit feel like i just one an oscar or something LOL.

anyway, i hope you all have a good day/ afternoon/ night.

i love you all so much and thank you again for reading my silly stories. i haven't been this excited about something in a long time. you all really make my days better <333

ok, im gonna stop cause if not im gonna start crying. and i need to save my tears for another fic. thank you very much, be safe my angels

[mugmegan]

Hahaha so Love Bullet. I have to talk about this or I will die. I have been vibrating ever since chapter 1 and I read the rest of the volume just in case but my feelings havent changed so here it goes.

LOVE BULLET THEORY. MASSIVE SPOILERS.

So, Koharu was a cupid even before becoming an actual cupid right? She was an excellent match maker. She had an eye for it. She assisted couples and when those couples met, we can see that they were shot by an actual cupid.

We learn that she does this a lot, got 4 couples in one month even! So maybe it isnt a stretch to say a real cupid was following her all this time, and trusting her great judgement for romance, shooting those people and making them fall in love?

Thats all well and good but here's the thing:

In all this time she was being followed by a cupid, Koharu was never shot. And here's another thing:

When Aki confesses to her, the cupid still doesnt shoot her, even though it would be logical for them to right? (I am ignoring stuff like the chance she may be aromantic here and just going by the rules of this universe btw, that for people to fall in love, they have to be shot by a cupid). We can say that she simply doesnt know how to react, that her self esteem is too low for it to really sink in, but it also feels like something is missing doesnt it? Like a cupid isnt doing their job.

Anyway now get this:

Just when Aki confesses to Koharu, a bunch of steel beams happen to fall. Now, I am a Tokyo Ghoul fan. And I know by now those things dont just fall whenever. Especially not at a moment as convinient as this. And specificly on Aki too. Koharu pushes her out of the way. She wasnt in danger.

So what I am saying is this. A cupid was following Koharu around. Shooting the people she was matchmaking. And just when someone decides to confess their love to Koharu, steel beams decided to fall on them.

It wasnt an accident was it?

The cupid must have liked her. But they never had a chance with Koharu. Couldnt fall in love either. And maybe they didnt wanna see her fall in love with someone else. They didnt mean to kill Koharu. But now that she is a cupid, they can keep watching her bring couples together, talk to her even! Even though they may never fall in love. That cupid can only be one person.

Kanna doesnt even hide that she already knows her name...

[loveharlow]

PAIRING ‧₊˚ JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

SYNOPSIS‧₊˚[2.5k] Three weeks of no John B or Sarah and you're officially overwhelmed with grief and mixed signals, leading to an emotional outburst directed at certain blonde.

WARNING(S)‧₊˚ swearing, mentions of death, mutual pining, grief avoidance, little fluff, mentions of low self-esteem/negative self-image, mentions of past non-con

˗ˏˋ series masterlist ˎˊ˗

NOW PLAYING‧₊˚

A/N‧₊˚ I think this chapter is actually so soft and beautiful🥺 and I never really say this but I do think listening to the song on repeat as you read makes it one hundred times better.

˗ˏˋ series masterlist ˎˊ˗

THIS DAY MARKED THREE WEEKS SINCE YOU’D LOST JOHN B AND SARAH…And one week since JJ kissed you out of nowhere. Co-existing in your other presumed dead best friend’s house has been…odd, to say the least. You didn’t really know how to talk to JJ now, which was something you never thought would be an issue.

He’d been in the surf shack working on your car more than usual, without your company unfortunately. You’d been taking more small jobs just to get out of the house at this point. But barely talking to your best friend for an entire week while living in the same space was starting to take a toll on you.

And so was the kiss.

Did he mean to do it? Was it a spur of the moment thing? Did JJ have feelings for you? Ten thousand thoughts running around in your mind at once, driving you closer and closer to the edge of crazy. Your heart was telling you that the kiss was no accident — that it seemed too passionate and eager to be something he’d done in the heat of the moment. But your head was telling you that the kiss was an act of grief — something he’d done in a moment where his head wasn’t exactly screwed on straight.

That it was an honest mistake.

You didn’t know which part of you that you believed.

Or which part of you that you wanted to believe.

It was nightfall when you walked up the steps of The Chateau, bag slung lazily over your shoulder as you huffed out a puff of air, exhausted from your nearly ten hour long babysitting gig. Some couple needed someone to watch over their three kids while they went on a date. You should’ve known something was off when the mother was offering fifty dollars an hour, way over minimum wage — her three kids were more like a pint-sized trio of bats from hell. But you walked away with five-hundred more dollars in your pocket, so who were you to complain?

But even with fatigue and hunger weighing heavy on your bones, your heart still dropped at the thought of seeing JJ at the end of the day.

Sighing, you quietly opened the door of the home, throwing your bag on the sofa and letting the door close behind you as Marley immediately came charging, light paws feeling like punches on your thighs but you smiled nonetheless.

“Hi, pretty girl. How are you?” You cooed, scratching behind both of her ears as she wiggled against you.

Another set of footsteps rounded the corner, a freshly awoken JJ coming into your view. You coughed awkwardly under your breath, straightening out as the two of you locked eyes. “Oh, hey. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m just glad you made it in before it got too late, one of the corner stores got robbed a couple hours ago.” He said, voice raspy and low from sleep as he rubbed the exhaustion out of his eyes.

The two of you stood there awkwardly— JJ scratching the back of his head as you averted your eyes anywhere else, Marley’s panting filling the silence.

You took a deep breath, shoving your hands in the back of your pockets as JJ mindlessly nibbled on his lower lip. You took the opportunity to break the silence, the blonde seemingly having the same idea.

“Well, I’m gonna get ready for bed-”

“Look, I’m sorry-”

You both stopped talking, attempting to allow the other to speak. Small smiles broke out on your faces, the two of you looking down at your feet simultaneously. “This is awkward, if I’ve ever seen it…” JJ huffed out humorously. “Can we just…like, sit down and talk, for a minute?” He asked, his own words making him cringe slightly as he motioned towards the battered sofa.

You nodded, not saying a word as you plopped down on the piece of furniture, eyes on the floor as your hands held each other in your lap. JJ sat down oddly slow next to you. You expected him to try and create as much distance between the two of you as possible but surprisingly, he sat so close that your shoulders were brushing in the tiniest of ways.

The unexpectedness of it all had your brows furrowing, finding some kind of courage to look the boy in his eyes as he finally settled on the right words to say.

“...I shouldn’t have kissed you.” For some reason, the string of words made your heart tremble and your lips parted in surprise. They hurt more than you ever expected them to. Noticing your solemn expression, JJ was quick to clean up his statement, turning in his seat to look at you completely. “Not in the sense that I didn’t want to, no, God no.” He sputtered, hands moving around wildly. “It’s just that, with everything going on, I don't think that moment was the best moment to act on my feelings-”

He was cut off when you lurched forward, colliding your lips with his in the heat of the moment. In your haste and his surprise, the blonde accidentally bit your lip but you didn’t mind, never breaking the exchange. After a moment, you both seemed to settle into it — one of his hands sliding around your hip and waist to find a home on the end of your back, pulling you closer in the smallest motion. Your own hands cradled his jaw on each side, pulling him deeper into you.

You kissed that boy until you couldn’t anymore. Until your lips were swollen and wet, your head spinning as you pulled back and let your hands fall, sliding down the length of his neck and shoulders while his own hand slid back to rest on your thigh.

“...What was that for?” He asked in a whisper. He sounded breathless.

You simply gulped, tucking a small strand of hair behind your ear before speaking. “...When you kissed me, I felt something. Something I didn’t think I should feel while kissing my best friend. Because I never thought I’d be kissing my best friend at all.” You explained, elevating your gaze to meet his eyes. “And I thought to myself that I should feel repulsed. That the kiss should feel wrong. Right? But nothing about that kiss felt wrong.” You told him. “I haven’t been avoiding you because of the kiss, JJ. I’ve been avoiding you because I haven’t been able to get the thought of kissing you again out of my head since it happened.”

“And now that you have?” He asked, eyes searching yours. “Now, that you have kissed me again?”

“...I’m struggling not to do it a third time.” You breathed out, eyes fleeting towards his lips for the slightest of moments. “I don’t know what this is. In my head, you’re my absolute best friend and I love you in that aspect but everytime I see you now, I can’t help but think about you in ways that I shouldn’t. So, if that kiss or this one didn’t mean anything to you, you’d better tell me now because-”

“Oh, it meant something.” He cut you off enthusiastically, a small smirk playing on his lips. “I know you probably have no idea but that kiss meant everything to me.” He told you, edging closer on the sofa. “I’ve had this huge crush on you for, like, ever. Probably since I even knew what a crush was. But you know how I am…” He lowered his voice, avoiding your eyes. “I didn’t trust myself with you. Anytime I look at you, I see this ball of light around you and I never want it to go away. Or be the reason for it going away. With me and all my shit…”

“I don’t think of you like that.” You said honestly, a small frown on your face. “You aren’t some southside screw up or a charity case. JJ, you know that I don’t care about all that. I’m always there to walk through it with you, your life doesn’t define you, you know that. Or at least, you should.” You told the blonde, running a soft hand through his hair. “And I know that it may take some time for you to believe that for yourself but I’ll be the one to tell you it everyday until you actually hear it, as a friend or…whatever else.”

You reminded the boy, biting your lower lip in thought. “...That’s why you never said anything? Because you thought you weren’t good for me?”

He seemed to ponder on the statement before nodding, somewhat shamefully. “I mean, c'mon, look at you.” He scoffed, wide blue eyes looking at your face with so much adoration and purity that you never cared to notice before. “Someone like you doesn’t need to waste her life away trying to love someone like me.”

“I do love you-”

“Not in the way that I love you.” He blurted, pinching his eyes shut as he cut you off.

“...I could. But you’ll never know if you don’t let me try.” You told him. “I won’t sit here and tell you that I love you in that way because I really don’t know. But whatever I’m starting to feel for you is beyond a friendship and once I figure that out, who knows? But I also don’t want you to wait on me to figure things out if that’s not what you want.” You concluded, retreating your hands back to the comfort of your lap.

You don’t know how helpless you looked, but you made no attempt to hide the frown that you could feel on your face. You knew JJ was known as promiscuous but his ways seemed to have settled with everything that’s happened. Although the thought of him with anyone made your gut turn, you didn’t want to confine him within the cage of your emotional contemplation. You didn’t want to lead him on now knowing how he felt about you.

“Hey,” He started, a hand on your arm. “I will wait. And that’s my choice. If you decide that you want me, that you want this, then I will be here. I know my past actions are probably making my words seem like a load of shit right now, but weeks ago? When I was hooking up with half the island? I was under the impression that you and I would never happen. But now there’s a chance.” He spoke, laughing at the end of his sentence, the oddness of the action making your face twist. “Sorry, I just, I thought about somethin'.” He said, waving himself off. “I was talking to Bree one day, about you. I told him that the odds of you ever liking me back were one in a million. And he told me that a one in a million chance is still a chance, to which I told him that he was full of shit. But now…” He trailed off, shrugging.

“...John B knew?” You asked, tilting your head to the side. JJ rolled his eyes playfully.

“I think everyone knew, except you, of course.” He cocked an eyebrow, you being the one to roll your eyes this time. 

“...So what do we do now?” You asked, voice small.

JJ sighed, suddenly sitting up straighter in his seat and taking both of your hands in his own. “...As much as I want to make you my girlfriend, right here and right now, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I think that we both need time to grieve and sort ourselves and I also think that you need time to explore your feelings more and make sure that this isn’t a fluke.” That was the most mature sentence you'd ever heard leave JJ's lips.

“A fluke?” You asked, mildly offended. “What does that mean?”

“Just that, I’ve seen how you can deal with grief. And not to twist the knife…are you okay with me talking about the…Rafe thing?” You clenched your jaw at the mere mention of his name, nodding stiffly in JJ’s direction, the boy drawing his lips into a thin line before continuing. “When that happened, you were still grieving. You kissed him because you were in a bad place and he was there and he ended up...taking advantage of that vulnerable part of you, right?” You hummed in agreement. “I am not at all blaming you for what happened when I say this. You didn’t deserve it and that asshole should be six feet under for what he did and, God so help me, I will put him there myself-”

“JJ.” You interrupted the boy’s rant, wanting him to finish his point completely. Huffing out a puff of air, he continued.

“I’m sorry. I just, I really hate that that happened to you. And I know it happened to you, not me but I want to kill him. Every day that I wake up, I just hope he's dead somewhere.”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” You reassured.

“But all I’m trying to say is that, I don’t want to repeat that same cycle — taking advantage of your emotional state. I want you to be yourself again and be in the right space before trying to take this any further. And I want you to have no doubts and be completely sure.” You understood his point of view and his reasoning behind it. Nodding, you allowed him to finish his sentence. “So, for now? We can just figure things out, set some kinda boundaries, if you want.”

You thought about it for a moment, fingers drawing shapes on one of his hands. “...Just honesty. If you kiss someone, hook up with someone…” The words made your eyes twitch. “Just don’t let me find out from someone else.”

“Oh, I can promise you that I have no one else on my mind, especially now that I know I’m on yours, so there will be nothing to tell ‘n nothin’ to find out, m’lady.” He smiled, saluting towards you. “I’m all yours, even if you aren’t mine. Yet.” He winked.

It’d been weeks since you’d seen the goofy side of JJ. It was comforting. 

You giggled, bowing your head slightly. “I promise that I am solely focused on clarifying my feelings towards you and only you, blondie.” You returned the sentiment and the salute. “What about our friendship, though? Is it still a friendship?”

“Mmm….” He thought aloud, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Actually, you’re the smart one. What’s like a fancy, silly term for developing a relationship? Like getting to know each other but not dating, like the in between stage?”

“...We can say we’re in a courtship?” You suggest half-jokingly, shrugging. “But… does this also mean we have to stop kissing each other? 'Cause I kind of like that part.”

JJ faked offense, throwing a palm against his chest and gasping. “Kissing?” He asked, wide eyed and shocked. “We are pogues. And number one rule of pogues, is no pogue-on-pogue macking…Eugh.” He reprimanded playfully, fake gagging. You slapped his shoulder in response, a smile on your face as one grew on his.

“No pogue-on-pogue macking, huh?” You said, playfully swatting his arms as he did yours. “

“That’s exactly right, little miss lips-a-lot - Ow! Did you just pinch my nipple?” He laugh-shouted, holding his chest as your swatting ceased. “What are you? Six?-”

You took the opportunity with JJ's guard down to grab the nape of his neck and pull his face into yours, giving him one last hard, passionate kiss of the night, slightly biting his lip as you drew your face away from his.

“How’s that for no pogue-on-pogue macking?”

next chapter>

feedback is appreciated! thanks for reading.SVN Taglist; @esquivelbianca @fallingwallsh @calmoistorm @i-love-ptv @liability28 @rivaiken @sophiahristov @rafxcameronss @ldrvinyl @purplerose291 @boo22sstuff @heartsforandrewgarfield @coolgirl458 @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @jujubeaz @ellobruv-blog @yourmumstoy @belle101200 @libertyybellls @c4ttheart @ihe4rttwd @redhead1180 @ditzyzombiesblog @spideysimpossiblegirl @sex-me-stiles @honeyiti @rafedrewandjjs @highformaybank @broidfk609

©loveharlow.

[chewnotchoke]

i see beauty in everything you do - h.taesan

requested by anon!

warnings: taesan x fem!reader, reader has low self-esteem, mentions of insecurities, model!taesan x camera shy!reader, extrovert taesan x homebody reader

genre: fluff, established relationship

word count: 1.5k

taesan took you out on a date and it lingered a lot of convincing before he finally persuaded you. you weren’t one who’s fond of taking pictures, going out for a walk, or discovering new places. you were more like a homebody with quite a low self-esteem. your boyfriend, on the other hand, defies the law of harmony—a model, the complete opposite of you.

taesan exudes an ethereal presence. his gaze, piercing and enigmatic; his silhouette, a living canvas adorned with the latest creations of the world's most visionary designers. he was perfect, and from the two years of dating him up to this day, you couldn’t fathom how can one so flawless be in love with you.

“would the art gallery be a good choice?” he asks, making sure you wouldn’t feel even the slightest discomfort like an itch you couldn’t scratch. “hm, yeah. sure!” you timidly answer, knowing that you probably won’t take even a single shot of a picture. he only gives you a reassuring smile. “alright, i’ll make a reservation now.”

taesan knows of it too, he’s your boyfriend after all. he knows of the doubts whispering in your head, and the gloom taking over the landscape of your mind. but he never forgets to reassure you and cheer your spirits up. affirming you with words comes out naturally to him like he was born to praise you, every feature of you. but like the loser you are, you couldn’t help but question if he really means it, or if he’s just saying it because he’s tired of your insecure ass.

“no one could ever be prettier than you.” is what he would always say.

upon arriving at the entrance of the art gallery, your eyes wandered around the people who were there as well. taesan makes sure you don’t cover your pretty face so he tried to stop you from wearing a mask today. you got dolled up for your date, but you still think you didn’t look the best. taesan clasped his fingers onto yours before walking inside the place.

you were welcomed with frames of emotion in picture form hung on the white-washed wall. it felt like the artists were speaking through your soul. you felt a rush of exhilaration and taesan noticed how your gaze were filled wonder, as if the stars themselves had descended to illuminate your eyes.

“you like it here?” you obviously do, but you still answered him “yes! it’s good we went here…” taesan placed a kiss on the top of your head. it wasn’t a while after that moment when a middle-aged woman walked up to you and said, “i think you’re prettier than those paintings.” she left with a smile, and also left you confused.

you looked at taesan, “was she talking about me?” his eyes scanned you up and down, full of adoration, before telling you that the woman was indeed talking about you. you didn’t take it seriously, thinking she must have mistaken you for someone else.

you marched to the next frame and took pleasure in the painting in front of you. taesan stood behind you as he watched you from behind. he loved how the wonders of existence that stand before him, shone brightly, worthy of honor and esteem. and then you heard the shutter of the camera, catching you off-guard. you saw the device on your boyfriend’s hand and ran up to him, asking him to show you the photo. “here, you look pretty.” he says.

“yeah, because it isn’t showing my face.”

“you still do even when it doesn’t.”

while taking a look at your photo, another stranger came up to the two of you with a smile beaming on their face, a lady who’s about the same age as you. before coming, you were prepared with how some people would probably notice your model boyfriend, and so you weren’t surprised anymore if women suddenly surrounded him and asked for his picture.

you thought this lady was the same, she has long legs, big eyes, and a bright smile ‘she looks like taesan’s type.’ you stepped away, giving them space just in case but the lady walked in your same direction and said, “hey! i love your makeup! did you do it yourself?”

you hesitated before answering in case she wasn’t referring to you, but her eyes were glued on you, making you flustered. “uh, yeah! i did my makeup today…”

“girl, you look hella nice!” she waved and left with a smile flashed on her face and did not even bat an eye at your boyfriend, and you knew she really was referring to you. taesan comes over to you, watching your cheeks turn crimson, and cupped your face with his palms.

“my girlfriend really sure is stunning.” you fanned your face, not used to receiving compliments pouring like a rain shower, one after the other. the two of you decided to take a quick rest after all the walking around the room.

“babe, can you take a photo of me? i’ll have to post it on instagram.”

“sure!” taesan posed naturally in front of the frame, making it hard to distinguish which one was a work of art. you looked through the screen with his face on it. taesan’s features were a perfect blend of symmetry and beauty, framed by meticulously styled hair that catches the light with every turn of his head.

his poses exude confidence and charisma no wonder countless brands reach out to him. you have always been a supportive girlfriend and were there for every shoot and schedule he had. you often watch the cameras flash, capturing him in a moment of timeless elegance that will grace the pages of magazines and fashion blogs nationwide.

and there you were, like a shadow lurking in the background fed with comparison, and self-doubt. insecurity wrapped around you like an invisible cloak. but taesan was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for because always brought out the best in you. he’s always there to assure you that there will never be a threat enough to make your palms sweat. in everyone’s eyes, especially in his, you have always been beautiful.

“y/n’s pretty much my muse. she carries an effortless grace that never fails to take my breath away. when it’s just the two of us, her beauty is almost overwhelming, and her beauty stands out above everyone else. when she’s curled in the couch reading a book, or walking downstairs in her pajamas with a messy bun, there’s just an effortless charm to everything she does. if only she could see herself through my eyes, she would know how much she carries a natural charm that touches my heart with warmth and grace. i wish she’s aware that in those moments where she looks at me with unwavering pure love, i know that i’m the luckiest man alive for having the privilege to call her my ‘girlfriend’.” taesan once mentioned you in one of his interviews that you never knew of.

after taking a few shots of photos, taesan invites you to take a photo together. “come here, let me brag about you on my insta too!” you hesitated at first, but you could see in his eyes how much he wanted to capture this moment with you. you barely take photos of yourself but when you do, it’s either always your side profile showing subtle features of yours, or you facing behind. it’s different when you’re with taesan, after all, he brings out the best in you.

you saw this kid, his height barely reaching taesan’s torso, staring at you for a while now. “noona, i can take a photo of you and your boyfriend.” he offers. both you and taesan lightly laughed before handing your phone to the young boy. it’s always during this time when you get self-conscious of smiling in front of others.

“hyung, i want to have a beautiful girlfriend like yours when i grow up.” when the kid caught you smiling from his comment, he took the chance to click the button and take the picture. the photo went out pretty well and you were kinda satisfied, at least your boyfriend looks good. the kid walked closer to the two of you and taesan crouched down to pat his head. “right? but what should we do? i don’t think you can find someone as pretty as her?” taesan teased.

the young boy looks up to you and said, “noona, i hope you know your boyfriend is proud of having you, as much as you’re proud of having him.” then he went back to his parents who were waiting for him with their lips curled. the multiple compliments you got today overwhelmed you in a good way, and you have never felt so good about yourself. you stood in silence, while taesan subtly grips your hand.

“did you hear that? i love you, y/n. and i’m so in love with you.” he pushes the strands of your hair behind your ears before leaning in, gently brushing his lips into yours. there is more beauty in the touch of his lips than in every fashion magazine ever printed. “now let’s go have dinner, shall we?” you agreed and walked together to the exit.

as you approach the exit, a small piece of paper falls from your back unnoticeably.

and there wrote, “please compliment my girlfriend! she deserves all the nice things in the world! -by his loving bf, taesan.”

i hope you guys loved this one! also, sorry anon if it took quite a while! pls give me your thoughts abt this short fic! enjoyed writing this one please give taesan to Me .

[rekino2114]

Ena's different forms headcanons with you

A/n: the fanmade forms were taken by this post.

This was kinda made for @speadrunner hope you enjoy

Happy ena

We know her we love her, it's classic ena also known as happy ena

It's just her normal form, the one she's in most of the time especially around you:you make her happy after all

Her manner of speaking is a bit hard to understand but you got used to it (and that's kinda the case with most her forms)

She's a walking ray of sunshine ready to make everyone's day better especially yours

"Salutations my darling how are you doing on this fine day?"

"Oh hi ena, I'm doing good how about you?"

"Why I'm doing splendidly especially now that my love is in my field of view"

"Awww thanks"

Sad ena

This is the form she used to turn into the most before she met you, she still gets sad quite often but it's a lot less now that she has you

She doesn't really cry, but she audibly sobs a lot. She also replaces the Rs and some Ls in W resulting in a almost....uwu type of speech which would be admittedly pretty cute if ena wasn't sad

Her self-esteem plummets when she's in this form, often referring to herself as useless, horrible, or just saying she wants to die. You really hate seeing her like this

You always comfort her when she's sad and usually cuddles and kisses always cheer her up and turn her into her normal form

"*sobs* waaaaaahhh I'm so howwible, why do you even love me? No one could love ever wove me"

"Shhhh, just calm down ena, I love you so much, you're perfect, the best girlfriend I could ask for, you deserve all my love and more"

Drunk ena (demon and diablada forms)

This is pretty self explanatory, it's ena when she's drunk. She switches between these two forms seemingly randomly when she's not sober

She doesn't drink that often but when she does she actually acts like a pretty normal drunk person would, stuttering and stringing together random words that barely have any connection to each other (which is kinda how normal ena acts too) if you ignore the fact that she's turning into a demon

She gains weird abilities in these forms, like speaking spanish or spitting fire (it's like her version of a hiccup) you're both impressed and shocked when she does that

One time, she burned your couch with her fire breath while she was drunk, and the next day, she had no idea she did that, so she turned into her sad form and apologized profusely

"......ena are you drunk again?"

".....nuuuuuuo....what ave u talking ajout gahhhhhhh *spits fire* ehehehe"

"*sighs* I just know this is moony's fault somehow"

Dream bbq ena (salesperson and meanie forms)

This is the only ena form that is actually two forms at the same time, the red face is the salesperson form and the white one is the meanie form, and she switches between these two when in this form

Her salesperson personality is well... a salesperson, she tries to sell you stuff you don't really need telling you she added a special discount because you're her lover

Instead, her meanie personality is very similar to her angry form. She yells a lot is kinda mean to you (even if she doesn't really mean it) and stops you from buying the useless stuff her other face is trying to sell you

A hat just appears on her when she's in this form, you have no idea where it comes from or where it goes later, but it looks good on her

[Ena kicks down your door]

"Darling, I have some exquisite new product that you can not miss on, I present to you.....ena dream bbq, an indie game available on steam for the low low price of hejegdjdbgdskd$"

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT DON'T BUY THAT GAME IT'S NOT EVEN OUT YET"

"...........what?"

Fanmade forms:

Angry ena

This is the form she takes when she's angry, which doesn't happen often, but when it does, it's usually because of moony

She becomes completely red and her eyes become fire PNGs, two demon horns also sprout from her head similar to those in her demon form (she also somehow becomes a lot more muscular in this form, which....You're not complaining about)

She yells a lot, and her screams become so loud you think they hurt your ears when you hear them. She also swears a lot in this form which is very surprising cause she never does that in basically all of her other forms

Like I said earlier she doesn't get angry that often but there's an exception.. When you're involved. Whenever someone hurts or makes you cry she'll turn into her angry formand threaten to beat up whoever did this

"Ahhhhh sorry ena I didn't mean it"

"COME HERE BITCH, HOW DARE YOU INSULT Y/N?"

"B-babe calm down"

Love sick ena

This is actually the form she transforms in the most when she's around you, she can't help it, she loves you soooo much it's too much for her normal form to handle

She becomes bright pink, and her eyes now have hearts inside of them. Her voice also becomes more feminine and sultry, and she becomes softer, like less polygonal, which does make for more comfy cuddles

She cannot stop complimenting and flirting with you in this form. She calls you cutie every minute, telling you how hot and adorable you are, she just wants to squish your cheeks because of how cute you look.

She also is very very touchy and physically affectionate when love sick, she already is pretty clingy in her classic form, but in this form, she's basically glued to you. You will have to force her to be away from you if you want some privacy or wait until she changes forms

[Ena immediately rushes to hug you]

"Hello darling cutie pie, oh how amazing it is to see your beautiful self in all your glory, you look sooooooo cute and hot and any other compliment could possibly exist"

"H-hello to you too love"

Yandere ena

You don't see this form often, it's mostly when you're talking with other girls (especially merci for some reason) that you see ena transform in the distance and you usually go back to her at that point

She looks very similar to her lovesick form but is more of mix between red and pink in color and her heart eyes are more blood colored and uncanny

She just stands there, glaring daggers at the girl you're talking to until you come back to her and then hugs you and whispers "You're mine" in your ears for a while, then change to one of her other forms (usually happy or lovesick)

She will never actually kill someone, both because she's too sweet to and she doesn't really know how to, and the sheer thought of hurting you makes her sick. If someone hurts you she might consider teaching them a lesson though

"Darling, why were talking to that mime again?"

"Oh sorry, she was just asking me something"

"I see but don't forget, you're mine alright, I will always love you, you don't need anyone else ok?"

"Y-yeah"