#i mean she did open the door
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poor @meggsngrits she's stuck with all my raging thoughts at the moment 😅
#i mean she did open the door#but truly once she opened it a small crack I busted my way through#sorry love
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mistyjessica would’ve been such a looney tunes type couple too. you know. like the live action tv equivalent of getting whacked in the head with a giant mallet and stars float above your head but surviving so you can get into a dramatic car chase that ends in an explosive crash that you once again survive idk im just saying anything but the constant blackmailing and kidnapping and throwing plates at each other that always comically miss and threatening to kill pets you later feed and sharing binoculars at a stakeout and going to ikea together to decorate a murder basement one of you will probably be locked in later. you get it. also again. we wouldn’t need a new man to magically solve everything in the finale when we had a literallll fixer woman connected to 3/6 survivors!!!!
#rose you’ve changed my life.#literally none of the comic relief walter was supposed to provide worked for me omg but jessica offering reunion fashion tips DID#to be clear i think misty killing jessica is like. incredibly in character and i don’t mean any of this in a ‘she shouldn’t be a murderer’#way. like it does make sense. i just fucking hate that her death opens the door for walter whose allowed to live when jessica crystal & nat#don’t shsjsksk#*
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grabs him by the scruff of his neck like a kitten
#ranma 1/2#not putting this in my art tag i just wanted to post Something#U EVER THINK ABT HOW HIS MASSIVE EGO IS TOTALLY FOR SHOW#like def the result of genma telling him hes the best martial artist in the world one moment then that he's a disappointment the next#and how ranmas secretly terrified ppl will notice hes only good at one thing and then will see how worthless he rlly is and abandon him#(im not saying hes worthless i just mean from his perspective)#and thats why he has a total breakdown in the moxibustion arc bc hes CONVINCED if he cant do martial arts then no one will want him around#its also why its so important that even tho she cant think of anything else he's good at akane still tells him to stay or at least#let her go with him#bc she values him bc hes a person and she enjoys spending time w him. its not abt what he can bring to the table or whatever#what he brings to the table is his kindness and humor and care for others around him!!#anyway that arc doesnt cure his ego by a longshot but it did open the door for him to trust akane way more and share his insecurities#the other half (lol) of this convo could totally be abt desperately trying to live up to being a Manly Masculine Man#but 99% of the time he expresses genuine confidence in himself and not just his abilities its in girl form#i already made a post abt that a while ago#ANYWAY SORRY FOR THE FUCKING ESSAY
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Can't sleep have to say one last thing
This episode literally had a "sometimes closure is just letting something go" moment and I'm reeling about it I can't lie,,,, she didn't get "closure" with gummigoo when she saw him. She had to leave it at goodbye. You never get to see that rly, idk it was just nice. Some people just leave. It's not your right to force them to explain or bring things up that will open up a can of worms. Get closure by moving on without asking them for answers or to listen to you talk. Nobody is owing you their time or trauma, even when all you want to say is "sorry." Find it within yourself to close the door behind a person.
#i have had at least 2 childhood bullies reach out to apologise to me#i didn't want them to#and I didn't want to give them closure#but I opened my wound and gave them closure because they apparently needed it#but I think of those conversations all the time because I did not need them to encroach on my space#ik that's not exactly the same thing but I mean#he DEFINITELY remembers and can't talk about it (npc rules but caine just poofed him away - nothing says he removed his memory!)#and if she did bring it up with him it would only have opened their wounds#instead she chose to close it HERSELF#and that's nice#that's real ballsy; accepting and apologising and forgiving yourself. moving on without creating collateral.#also the door closed!! it literally closed!! closure!!#note: 'closure' is used by people generally to express that they want to be heard out or to hear the other person's side/truth#for me closure is easiest done with the block button. sorry to those who will never understand why; but we have ended. move on.#tadc#tadc pomni#okay it's 2:30 I'm so tired GOODNIGHT#stop letting them rotate in my mind
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i swear once i get through this week, i'll be more active writing-wise! it's just been stressful bc of some ooc things, like both my best friend's kid and my mom having their birthdays this weekend :' ) i'm just running low on battery as a result, so i appreciate y'all's patience with me!!
#i really wanna type up the drafts i managed to write at work while we were slow but everything feels like an effort atm#so i think i'll be productive in a different way and that means!! finally making more icons of chiyo's fc!!#and maybe brainstorm a proper write-up for a kny verse#i realized the other day i never did make one for chiyo even though kny was a hyperfixation of mine for ages#i remember deciding she was gonna be a kakushi bc that makes the most sense for her character but i wanna put more thought#into it than that uvu#ah i'd actually contemplated making her a swordsmith! but i dunno if that would really open very many doors for interactions#it's a fun idea buuuut being a kakushi might be best#anyway anyway i'll still lurk and i'll send out the last lil ask blurbs in a bit#but i'm sorry if i don't write tonight!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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“All that I've been taught // And every word I've got // Is foreign to me” — Hozier, Foreigner’s God
Aka "nooo dont grieve the life you spent running away from everything and wish you could go back to that life of uncertainty, where you constantly wonder if you can survive another day, rather than stand in the middle of a civil war which has nothing to do with you, you're so cool and sexy you're literally the mythical hero of a land where everyone detests your kind ahahahh"
A silly drawing of my Bosaltmer Dovahkiin, Baltana :))
I fiddled with her design a little, aka i added a different facial tattoo (which mirrors Lynwallyn's because hehe they're twins)
-> a companion piece to this older drawing of Lynwallyn
(Alternative version under the cut; possible eyestrain warning)
#oh tana we're really in it now#oc: baltana#i love me a reluctant hero <3 so thats what she essentially is#like imagine being a nobody your entire life then later become an assassin whose main deal is to be a silent executor#so she's really used to not being noticed and then bam. the whole province knows about her and she has these weird powers#that can make people explode and stuff. not to mention they all hope she was someone different & keep forcing their dreams and hopes#on her when she literally did not ask for any of it. suddenly her name opens a lot of doors and grants her so many contacts but she sees#through everyone's smile and knows they're full of shit. she's everything they hoped the dovahkiin not to be and yet.#she wants to belong so bad but her entire existence is just contrary yo everyone's beliefs. and it hurts so so much but she doesn't let#it consume her nor convince her to use her powers to destroy everything. she saves a world she cares very little about and doesn't even get#proper recognition for it which makes her so frustrated but yknow. what can you do#in the end it's better for her to be remembered as something entirely different than what she actually was bc ironically it means#the real her becomes forgotten. goes unnoticed#so yeah. no i cant make a normal happy character why do you ask#long tags#digital art#stellar.artz#stellar.ocs#tesblr#skyrim#skyrim tes#skyrim dragonborn#dovahkiin
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i need to play more ICO man (i have it on ps3 w/ the HD collection) this song has been a favorite of mine for a long time
like theres just a vibe about it. its like a cool adventure game track but it has some mysticism too. kinda like the game itself ig
#princeposting#ico#team ico#ps3#when i first played it i had no idea u had to hold yorda's hand thru doorways so i walked away from her and triggered a cutscene#(the one before where u learn how to save)#and realized she wasnt there and was like huh whered she go and went back in#girl was just standing there like 🧍🏻#like bitch!?! do you not know the layout of your own house?!?!?!?? did your terrible mom not teach you how to open doors or something!?!? /#anyways yeah good game i love it#team ico are rlly on another level w/ the minamilist game design#tho it does mean i have to play the game w/ a guide cuz otherwise i have no idea what im doing akjhkjashkjashg#Spotify
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Here goes my "a week without mental breakdowns" streak.
Aka the week in which my sister was on vacation. Now just the thoguht of her being back brought me to the Edge of one.
👏👏👏
(Don't get me wrong tho, I love my sis and she doesn't do the stuff on purpose but STILL)
#tw mental health#tw breakdown#i mean i too dos stuff that triggers her#but that's stuff I can't really change#but when i ask her for ONE (1) tiny thing she CAN change#nope doesn't happen#and when she tells me to stop something I go extra miles to avoid her hearing me do it#but now i am tempted to just simnply not do that anymore until she's learned to close that frigging door corretly#now that also her boyfriend will come who closes the door (jsut hers the one i HATE being closed without pressing the handle down) the same#means twice as much noises#AND she will unpack her suitcase#and bc her bf is here she'll close her roomdoor for that#aka i can look forward to her opening and closing the time again and again and again and over and over and over again and again#I know I could ask her to PLS close it normaly#but last time i did...#she only told me what stuff I do that annoys her#I Changed mine#she didn't#so yeah#don't want another lecture of her telling me that the thigns I love to do (aka writing) disturb her#(my mom^s keyboard is exaclty the same. it sounds the same. but that is okay for her)#she has a problem with me chewing. BUT can lean agianst her boyfriend while he chews#and sorry that boy chews Way louder than I do#sometimes i feel like her misphonia s selective#mehh
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always incredibly baffled by all three of my roommates’ inability to look at a thing in the house that is broken and then: 1) examine how it might be broken, 2) how it might be fixed, and 3) if it can’t be fixed, what needs to be done in order to make sure further damage isn’t caused
#the trashcan lid popped off so the steppy thing wasn’t opening it#TWO of them looked and concluded the whole thing was broken???#instead of registering that the lid just needed to be popped back on?#before one of the cabinet door hinges broke#and whoever did that just LEFT IT HANGING ON THE SECOND ONE#instead of taking the whole thing off so the hinge didn’t warp/the wood it was anchored too didn’t splinter off???#pantry door slides off its hinges and one of em just looks at me wide eyed like ‘what do I do’#I go over there look at it and slide it back on the hinge#she’s like oh has this happened before?#NO I JUST LOOKED AT THE THING AND FIGURED IT OUT#YOU COULDVE DONE IT TOO#istggggggggggg#truly so so baffling#I am NOT a home improvement or repair god by any means#but I certainly look like it next to these three
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Every day I am reminded that there are people, real live human people, who for no reason are absolutely terrified of answering the door and refuse to pick up a phone call. Love and light but there's something fucking wrong with some of you.
#'i never answer an unknown number! i never open the door if i'm not expecting someone!'#hey did y'all know you're not the main character of the universe and other people exist?? 👀#honestly i just assume these people have no friends or family who would ever want to contact them. since that's how they proudly behave.#by apples#personal bullshit#since apparently i need a disclaimer: i am deriding real people i know not randos with disorders. that falls under 'reasons'.#diane from work doesn't have a phobia: she's a mean bitch who ignores her kids and hates her benign neighbors.
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busted my lip on a dogs face today <3
#shes the kind of dog that bolts when you open the kennel door so i have to step inside her kennel when putting a leash on her#but the problem with that is shes also a chronic jumper#and shes like a shepherd mix of sorts so shes hugongous#while i was fixing the leash to put it on her she jumped on me and shoved her nose into my lip and made me hit my head on the kennel door#luckily i didnt hit my head that hard but she did make my lip bleed lmfao#she went home like 10 minutes after i walked her which means i hypothetically couldve just left her alone#and let her owners walk her after they picked her up#but i went no <3 ill get her just in case they take a while <3 shes a menace but shes not that bad <3#she is; in fact; that bad#simon says
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vampirism should be real for theres too many things i want to do
#aspineblbob joke mortician entomologist marine biologist animator illustrator painter fashion designer etc.#in space.#Theres so much to choose from ltierally why must we have a decision so early into adulthood i mean it!#im happy 4 everyone who was settled into what they wanted real early but everything appeals me#im so geared towards the arts though i can have my fascinations on the side. reminds me#animatronic horror prop maker as well. theres a college not too far with an animatronics degree#sob. im genuinely thinking of getting my foot in the door as neopets moves to another owner no jokes#it would make a childhood dream idk how slim itll be since this is fresh news and they may open up stuff but yay#listen guys the art game has been off. im going to pull what that one artist did when she was 15 and got in#whos also on tumblr now which i find funny her stuff gets around. doing well for herself. that must be so fucking neat
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Okay look, I’m exhausted and a little bit drunk but have this niche meme that will make me cry in 7-12 business minutes.
Based on true events
#good night everyone#now that I have relaxed for the first time since I last abandoned my morals. I will go to sleep#tw alchohol mention#she did say this btw. ‘the feeling of guilt is the very core of your being’#she’s right I guess. it’s uncomfortable to sit with. but I can’t say that it isn’t true#guilt and perfectionism I think she said.#and that the perfectionism is my biggest asset and my greatest weakness#it will open doors for me but it also has the ability to tear me apart#she’s a lovely woman and she means well and does good work. but holy fuck it is never easy
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A Mr. Darcy-type romantic lead is hard to write well, and Pride and Prejudice doesn't just remain popular because it's an unlikely love story, but because Jane Austen with her characterizations and the sequence of events still managed to make it convincing. But when you find a piece of media where the man our heroine is supposed to pine for is just rude, cold, and standoffish to her, without the hinted complexity... it's like, oh, wow. A mean little man you've got there. I'm so impressed. If only men were like this in real life, right? Just say "insolent nerd," I swoon.
#jane austen#pride and prejudice#this post is about my rewatching of exo next door yes shut up#text post#chanyeol sucked!!!!!!! he and y/n should've never ended up together!!!!! i mean yeonhee i forget she did in fact have a name!!!!!!!#listen. everyone who has ever watched that show knows it's viewer-insert fanfiction. and it's beautiful for that. goddamn trash#it has everything. it's embarrassing. it's a 16-part advertisement for line#and to this day it remains the only kdrama i have ever watched. no i'm serious (i deserve shame for this)#it even has that little trope where somebody's looking around for something and they accidentally pull smth that opens up a secret door#yeonhee and chanyeol get trapped in a secret room together where they have to admit their feelings#and chanyeol reveals that he's in love w her because he's her forgotten childhood bestie!!!! like come on!!!!#a thing like that fills a void for cringe content in the world. never before had something been so highly produced#w so little artistic value. like it's genuinely admirable.#it's almost like the room but it was made to be a certain success as opposed to an experimental indie film#tommy wiseau reboot of exo next door happening when?#listen exo. do it for the memes. do it for the fans who were there in 2015...... do it for me#the most important person on the internet. me. do it for me
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Throwback to that time I was six month into my law degree and decided to use it; had a landlord who was letting the place cave in with mould, sparking power switches, faulty hot water system that would randomly spit scalding water, the works, basically, plus they would always be harassing me for money, not rent money just 'I need $500 for a new phone pay me or move out', they'd also break into my mailbox regularly, and refused to sign any rental paperwork because they were tryna defraud the first home owners scheme, basically they were just an entire sack of shit, anyway, so rental laws are actually one of the few areas that are totally on the side of the more vulnerable (i.e. renters) and most landlords will blow a lot of hot air about what they're gonna do, but in reality, they can't do shit. So I moved out, no notice, no nothing, just stopped paying rent, I also sold all the whitegoods and furniture provided with the apartment on eBay, bc it didn't say nothing about no furnishings in the lease this dumbass wouldn't sign, those goods were mine now lmao, and she breaks into the apartment one day and finds it bare-ass empty, starts blowing up my phone over how she's gonna drag me through the court over the stuff I 'stole' and the rental arrears and whatever else, and I was just like 'well gee alright, if you think so, but I'd hate to trip on my way to court and just accidentally fall into a government office and then blurt out about how *name redacted* is defrauding the government to the tune of millions of dollars, and oopsy look at all the written evidence I dropped and is flying around in the air, all those letters you sent to my address, tryna make out you lived there, like I dunno if you want to risk it, I'm not supposed to give legal advice as a law student, but my legal advice is maybe just buy a new fridge sweetie, it'll cost you less than bothering me any further uwu' and tbh I basically became the female Saul Goodman at that point lmao
#problem was solved too btw#she shut right tf up and got on with her own life#I never heard boo from her again#she didn't even black list me in the rental ledger#(probably bc that would mean admitting on a government form that she's a landlord)#(when she's not supposed to be lmao)#(see I had all my bases covered)#(like a fucking professional)#but I still can't get over how reckless she was#like idgaf about anyone defrauding the Australian government#they deserve it lmao#she had the good fortune to have a tenant who would just turn a blind eye#and she ruined it#or maybe she just got cold feet#she did move in precisely after I left#to become the owner/occupier she always should have been#and Day 1 she texts me asking 'how do I open the front door'#and I just sent her a screenshot of the repair request I'd submitted the year previous for the jammed front door#then I blocked her for good#lmao#anyway#I hope she's doing poorly
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Working with Leviathan be like
Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired
#~abyssal murmurs#Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the#door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you#And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like#duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me#And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me#leviathan //#ramblings //#Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend#And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like#talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories#that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical#bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my#eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and#she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult#:( you know. Just :(#Diary //#The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone#And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it#and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It#Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my#hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo#No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see#it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do#with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my#life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me#takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway#The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it#Thanks Lev#I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao
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