#also the door closed!! it literally closed!! closure!!

[lukazade]

Can't sleep have to say one last thing

This episode literally had a "sometimes closure is just letting something go" moment and I'm reeling about it I can't lie,,,, she didn't get "closure" with gummigoo when she saw him. She had to leave it at goodbye. You never get to see that rly, idk it was just nice. Some people just leave. It's not your right to force them to explain or bring things up that will open up a can of worms. Get closure by moving on without asking them for answers or to listen to you talk. Nobody is owing you their time or trauma, even when all you want to say is "sorry." Find it within yourself to close the door behind a person.

[sirenmoontarot]

A letter from your Future Self 📜🪽

𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒹𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝓊𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝓁𝒻 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌?

𝑀𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓅 ~ 𝒫𝓈𝓎𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒸 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 ~ 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈

Group 1

Okay guys for this group i am sensing your future self wants you to understand the importance of the unseen right now in your life, the unseen powers, the etheric guidance you receive, clairvoyant, intuitive hits. The power of the unseen forces in your life.Your future self is telling you that the apparent dead ends in your current road have an important and necessary purpose, they are meant to be. You have a vision, and its important you become more conscious about it, about your sense of purpose, some of you felt it since very young, and if not, try to know yourself more, to de depth to understand what drives you. All that is happening now, is leading you to your vision, and to your purpose here, and much more you cant yet see, this is the biggest theme here, being led to where you really cant see, all the detours, road ends, side paths... all is subtly and succesfully leading you to where you need to be. Some of you guys have important father issues, you have to acknowledge these issues and start healing them. You have to become your own parent, a nurturing one, and use the masculine energies to hold and support your vision. The masculine energy inside of us is very important, it also help us protect ourselves, defend what is important for us, sutain us and our projects, responsibility, etc. You need nurutirng, again, this is very important for you. The nurturing side of the archetypal father energy. You lack and need a strong healed masculine energy. Nurture, balance and heal the masculine in yourself, it will help you to find a suitable partner with healed masculine energies. you must allow changes to come to your life. you msut trust in the power of syncronity, in order to fruition your goals. For some of you guys, you are really encouraged on just focusing and working on your present time, your gudes are like, winking at you and just giving you the present moment certainty because its the only way you could make things work right now, everything else is blurred so you focus on what youhave to focus till the fog disappears! And a very different and exciting landscape will be in front of your eyes. Work on celebration, celebration of this present moment, gratitude, engage more with the people around you, finx excuses to gather or celebrate a party.

Thank you for reading dear group number 1 🤍 Lots of blessings 🦋see you in next PAC readings 🪽⭐️

𝑀𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓅 ~ 𝒫𝓈𝓎𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒸 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 ~ 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈

Group 2

Okay guys, in this group, damn the messages are getting are so deep T.T. Your future self is calling for you to literally melt into oneness, in order to release, find divine acceptance, forgive, and then, let it go, let it fade into the light, let it destroy itself even. This is also a message of, closing the doors of past traumas, finding closure, in order to finally end them, to end the ways they influence your life right now, because they are not benefitting you. I keep hearing ‘’destroy’’. Maybe some of you have to give yourselves the liberating power of saying ‘’not again’’, of getting mad, of feeling the rage that initiates the fire to let all that that needs to be destroyed, burn. Rage initiates change. Sometime it is good and it is called sacred rage for a reason. Maybe some of you have supressed anger for a long time and, specially your true feelings for so long, trying ti behave, trying to react and behave in the proper way. For some of you this is a huge rock, tied to your foot that doesnt let you advance. How could you dance trhoguh life with such thing attached to your foot. It is time you claim your sovereignity, your power, it is time to do so and only you can do it. You are not meant to carry these stuff that holds you, you are meant to decide, choose for your life and embrace all your power, some of you are scared of that. Now for this group you are also encouraged to heal the mother energies, the mother wound, and integrate this aspect, healthily in your subconscious. Mohtering yourself, your inner child, the aspect of the mother energies that is capable of supporting you, holding you, loving you unconditionally while you are transiting this time is the one you need. You need not to feel alone and unsupported by yourself.

Your future self is telling you to call in the Queen archetype, the queen energies, the worthy, the one that knows her value, her deservingess, her power, she is sovereign, she chooses her own life, she knows what she wants, she has no doubts, she doesnt believe in ‘’no’’, i feel some of you in this group, restrict or have restricted yourselves a lot and your future self is telling you noooo dont do that. Embody this powerful archetype and believe all you want you can have and you will have because that is how the Queen believes so, eveyrthing is possible for her. Having a safe space is important but do not constrain yourself, do not put too many limits on yourself, for example you might be a bit shy, and you think it is okay etc, but at some point you will have to grow and for some situations you will have to need not to be so shy, it is just an example, it is not wrong to be shy, but the thing is that, for some of you, your path requires you to grow certain aspects for certain situations that you are not comfortable with.

Thank you for reading dear group number 2 🤍 Lots of blessings 🦋see you in next PAC readings 👑🍰

𝑀𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓅 ~ 𝒫𝓈𝓎𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒸 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 ~ 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈

Group 3

Your future self is telling you is to stray from the enrgies of self judgment, be midnful how you use this archetype within you, if its limiting you. You are very wise, you have a lot of discernment, a lot of knowledge of the truth, but you need to stop the internal judge. And i am getting lush mountain vibes, you have to connect with your inner queen energy, again this archetype is coming up in this reading, like in the group two but in this case, this archetype might be less alien to you. You are called to own your sovereignity, self worth and the belief in your power and ability. You are called to do so, and to also find your own personal temple, some of the people on this group have gone trhough insane big internal changes, for you the time is for rest and restoration now. Your future self is telling you that you have worked so hard and that you need this period now. Your future self wants you to engage in more recreational, enjoyful non productive activities, stop working so hard for a while you deserve this rest and restoration. And very importantly, Love. Ahh love is essential, I feel the energies are telling you guys, that you are born warriors, you fight for your causes, it is in your core, however you are being called to, embrace the heart energies, connect to your dreams, connect to love. Not everything has to be a fight… put the warrior energies at rest. You have to understand what youre going trhough, face your shadow, your darkness. And love is a big theme here in the sense of, a positive influence that will come in your lives, you need to work on your relations, add more love into your life, allow love into your life.The big changes you went trhough or are going trhough are revolving your deepest roots. A need to reassess your fights, endeavours, a need to become more serious and awake about what is important to you, and to connect to your heart more and give it more space and presence in your life with healthy, meaninful positive relationships, let yourself love.

Thank you for reading dear group number 3🤍 Lots of blessings 🦋see you in next PAC readings 💘☁️

𝑀𝓎 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓅 ~ 𝒫𝓈𝓎𝒸𝒽𝒾𝒸 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 ~ 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈

Alla 𓇬 @sirenmoontarot

[3vergr3en]

THAT BOY IS A MONSTER 👻

PAIRING (📞) . collegeau!maki x fem!college!reader

A/N (🔪) . heyy.. hii... please forgive my absence with this maki fic 😣🤲🏼 I feel like a bummy boyfriend begging for my girlfriend (you guys) to take me back 😭 I also wanted to bring some closure to my old ethan landry series with this fic (you shall be forever missed.) ANYWAY. HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL <3

ADDITIONAL INFO (🩸) . this fic contains suggestive content!! there will be NO p in v, literally all they do is have a (detailed) heated make-out. DON'T CRUCIFY ME 😭🙏🏼

The red-haired man leans his upper body over the granite counter, "What did he say?" he yells over the blaring music.

"He'll be here in a half an hour!" You yell back, receiving a confirming nod from the male across from you. As Nicholas turns his head away to presumably check out the girls in short mini skirts and corsets, you gently tug at the hem of his sleeve to avert his attention back onto you, "I'm gonna use the bathroom! Oh, and can you grab me a drink, pleaaasee?"

"Sure, but don't be surprised if it tastes weird." He sends you a warning smile before he walks off in his rainbow-stripped long-sleeve and blue overalls. He yells to a person, "Yo! Put that shit down before I throw you out myself!" You still don't know how the guys manage to convince Nicholas to dress up as Chucky, but either way, you loved it.

"Excuse me! Sorry- just let me pass through, thank you!" You squeezed past through the crowded kitchen and down the hallway. Miraculously, you managed to find an unoccupied bathroom which was usually filled with couples making out or in some cases,, a little more. You walk in, shutting the door behind you with a click! But you were just thankful enough to have one all to yourself.

knock knock knock

Oh, you gotta be shitting me.

"It's occupied, sorry!" You shout, fixing your blonde wig in the mirror.

knock knock knock

You curse out, "Oh my fucking god." Shuffling your way over to the door, you unlock it before swinging it open with an annoyed expression. "I said it was-" You stop mid-sentence when you see the famous white mask and black cloak. Okay.. creepy. "Sorry, Mr. Ghostface, but this bathroom is occupied." You sigh, taking a step back to close the door.

But a firm grip on the side of the door halts it. You stumble backward, "Dude, what the fuck?" The person pries it open before walking in, slamming the door behind them with a click. "This isn't funny, you need to get out. Now."

But the person just.. stands there. No words. No movement.

"Alright, this is bullshit." You sigh, "I'm just gonna go." You begin to walk past the person, but they forcefully grab you by your arms, and with that familiar raspy voice, they speak, "Dressed as Casey Becker? How convenient." They tilt their head with a chuckle as you manage to push them off of you.

"Nicholas!" You yell, but you know that it is no use against the loud music outside. You take several steps backward till your back is pressed up against the wall behind you, leaving you cornered. "Nicholas isn't coming to save you." They state.

The person takes a step closer till they're practically right up against you, feeling your heart beating rapidly against their chest. "So, you got a boyfriend?" They taunt, lifting their hand to your chin, forcing you to look up at them.

They reach up behind their head to swiftly yank the mask off. Once they did, they shook their head to reveal your boyfriend who smiled sickeningly.

It takes you a little bit to let the realization sink in, but when it does, your immediate response is to shove your boyfriend as hard as you can. "You fucking jerk!" You curse.

Maki couldn't help but laugh hysterically. "Hey, I'm sorry, okay? But don't lie, you were lowkey enjoying it." He chuckles, cradling you in his arms as he presses kisses on your forehead.

"No, I didn't." But you knew deep down that he was right.

He nods, not believing a word you just said. "Do you like the costume?" He asks with a slight raise of eyebrows, tilting your chin up to meet his gaze. "..Yeah, I do." You quietly confess.

He has this cocky smirk plastered on his face, "Yeah?" His voice had gotten deeper as his eyes were glued to your lips. And you shamelessly did the same, eyes staring at your boyfriend's plump, pink lips.

"Well, I think we both know that you like it a little more than you think.." He whispers against your lips before moving to your ear, "Why else didn't you push me away when I was right up against you earlier?"

As if your hands had a mind of their own, they grabbed the collar of your boyfriend's cloak to pull him in so you could smash your lips against his.

You can feel your boyfriend's hands gripping your waist through your bulky sweater, pulling your hips to be flush against his. "Up." You hear him muffle in between kisses as he taps your thigh. You quickly obliged, hopping up to wrap your legs around his waist while his hands held you up by your thighs.

He brings you over to the bathroom sink, resting you on top of the marbled counter. His lips never seem to leave yours, not even for a split moment.

"Maki," You breathe out, hands finding their way into his black, soft locks.

Everything was so messy. The way he kissed you feverishly, almost like he had gone days without having your lips on his. His big hands holding the back of your head, causing your wig to slip off. Or maybe it's the fact that seeing your boyfriend in a Ghostface costume has done wonders for you.

His lips trailed down your lips to your chin, planting open-mouthed kisses along your jaw. He breathlessly chuckles, "I find it cute how we accidentally matched costumes."

"You need to wear that Ghostface mask more often."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

[yunazxxx]

I’LL LOVE YOU TILL THE DAY THAT I DIE —

“have you ever lost someone you’ve loved and cared with your entire being without them ever being your lover?” the redhead asked her therapist, and the raven haired woman just stared at her.

now playing : Birds Of A Feather by Billie Eilish

(📓) angst , main character deaths, suicide, heartbreak, depression, grief, some comfort?, starving mentions, lara stops taking care of herself, depression, guardian angel mention, manon visits lara a lot in her dreams, college au, lara goes to manon’s grave a lot, non idol au, lara never gets closure after manon’s death, also lwk karina from aespa as lara’s therapist , established relationship (best friends), no one gets a happy ending.

(💚) i haven’t written for my babies in a while so heres a little marz angst since they haven’t got one in agesssss. of course, i literally don’t wish this type of pain on anyone, not even my worse enemy (i actually would). as stated this does contain a lot of heavy topics, so if you cant read this one then you can always find a light hearted fic somewhere on my page, and be sure to take care of yourself.

previous katseye works

word count : 5.8k

—

it was almost midnight, on a cold and rainy night when lara was making her way back to her dorm room which she shared with one of her friends, when she walked in her roommate was gone which was expected becaue she worked till later in the night.

while she was showering, her phone rang. she stopped her shower for a bit, to answer it. she heard a friend on the other end hysterical, she was crying, basically screaming down the phone. lara was able to calm the girl before she told her what happened.

upon hearing this information laa's body just froze up, she didn't know what to do. her friend on the other end, sophia, was calling out to her despite not being able to form anything herself. lara just told her "thank you for telling me" before hanging up, she couldn't even put on anything.

despite not being changed, the indian woman laid in her bed, crying as her reality sunk in further as the moments passed on. she had just recieved the most gut wrenching call of a lifetime, one she prayed she'd never have to get. she didn't know what to do, she felt so empty so fast, like a half of her died.

"the signs were there though" lara read the messages people were leaving on her phone, it sounded so insensitive. she turned her phone off, laying on he back, sniffiling, "we swore to never leave each other" she whispered.

lara sighed, her head was pounding from how much she cried. she stayed in her room that night, her roommate coming home to no sign of lara aside from her car outside. the house was quiet, the ginger would walk upstairs, and knock on lara's door.

"hey..? are you okay?" megan didn't want to just intrude, but she was worried. she heard lara faintly reply, "yeah", which she just assumed was her being tired so she went off with her night. but something in the air continued to mess with her.

megan finally powered on her phone and saw she had 40 missed calls from daniela. see, it wasn't out of the norm for daniela to contact megan but the two weren't known to interact much outside of work but they attened the same university but here she was calling her, and 40 times was alot.

megan called the blonde woman back, assuming that it'd be daniela explaining why she needed megan to cover the rest of her shift and well, it was that but not exactly what megan thought to hear.

"megan?" she could hear daniela's choked up from the other line, "yeah? what happened?" megan asked upon hearing the blonde's voice. "it's about manon." daniela got out, making megan's heart drop.

okay let’s wait, first let's give some backstory on them, this friend group and who manon is. the group consists of six different girls, who all have somewhat different personalities, but somehow they seem click together well.

they all met in university aside from the youngest, yoonchae. yoonchae was really close with megan, due to them going to the same high school. the ginger introduced the brown haired girl to the others, she clinged to sophia the fastest due to their personalities, being so similar and them sharing the same habits.

the group was literally inseparable. honestly, anyone who saw them knew they were such a close friend group. everyone basically had a role, manon was the oldest of all the girls so she'd kinda be the "mom" while sophia was the leader because she always knew what to do in almost every situation.

and of course the other four girls had their roles in the group and it all just fit so perfectly. so where did it all go wrong? what was so bad about this night that sophia and daniela were blowing down lara and megan's phones?

what did the pair hear that made them so sick and numb? well, let's start off with yesterday. daniela and manon had been rooming together for a while and so they did their mornings routines together. for the last week easy, manon had been feeling down.

daniela could feel how heavy manon's energy was, it made her feel terrible herself. that morning daniela woke her up when she got up and took the swiss woman with her to the bathroom. "wake up you big baby" daniela tapped manon, pulling her attention away from the wall she stared at while she spaced out.

it was about that time of the year, manon had been experincing this for so long that she would just let it happen and wait for it to pass but daniela couldn't let that happen. the blonde had plans with the ginger woman, but she decided to bring manon along.

"ughh i wanna stay home" manon mumbled while daniela handed her some shoes, "no you're coming out and lara's gonna be there" which almost sparked something in manon, she really loved lara, and i mean loved.

see, manon had a much deeper bond with lara compred to the other girls, they connected on deeper levels compared to what they would with their dormmates. manon basically beat daniela to her car, and they drove over to megan's house.

when they arrived, lara was the one to open the door and running to manon and pulling her into a tight hug. they both giggled at the impact because they basically ran into each other, lara picking manon up with ease.

daniela walked inside of the house, seeing megan was in the back, somewhere in the backyard. "hey meg" the blonde said, appearing behind her. megan was crouched over, doing something, but daniela didn't question it.

it seemed megan was always up to something new. literally seeing her just doing shit was the most normal thing ever. it wasn't outside of her personality really. daniela went and set her stuff inside of the house before coming back with megan.

lara and manon were in the living room, this time just cuddling one another. it felt like time stopped everytime those two were together. their lives always felt like the were moving too fast, their brains were always thinking and they literally could never rest.

when they were together though? it felt like a paradise, no stress, no worries, they just felt like they're floating. you may think though, all the girls are around the same age, or about the same age, and so they all should have somewhat of a more equal experience level and they all should connect on such a deep level.

and that's right, they actually do, together. but manon had feeling for lara, she loved the redhead so much it would literally hurt her and she hated when she was feeling down because that meant she wouldn't be 100 around lara but the indian woman's energy always brought her back.

"i don't know were i'd be without you" lara whispered against manon's chest, and manon chuckled, "i think i know where i'd be" and lara perked up, "where?" and manon just shook her head, "it's okay", dismissing the entire ordeal but it made lara think.

she sat up completely, "manon, you know i love you, right?" and the brunette' eyebrows furrowed, "yeah..? why, what's going on?" and lara held her hands, looking at her, "i'm worried about you, why did you say that?"

and manon swallowed, "i just, haven't been 100 recently and today you made me feel better" and lara felt a rush of relief come over her, and smilling before kissing manon. "i'm happy i did that for you"

lara pulled the brunette back to her side, this time manon's head was restin on lara's shoulder, while she flicked through random things until megan and daniela cameback from outside doing who knows what to be honest.

some time passed before the latina and chinese women came through the door, "okayy let's go" you can hear megan say as they walked into the main room, where lara and manon were. the pair got up and made their way out with the other two, megan gave lara her keys and she rode with daniela.

but instead of going to the location, lara drove her and manon to a mountain peak. once they made it there, the pair got out of the car and went to sit somewhere random. something was in the air, manon felt like confessing right then and there —

something stopped her though, but the rehead could feel she wanted to say something. "did you wanna say something?" lara softly asked, her voice was always so light it warmed manon's heart everytime she heard it, "uhm, no....??" manon said, questioning herself while answering lara.

the indian woman couldn't bring herself to force manon to speak, so she left it alone despite how much the brunette would try, "i just wish you were able to read my mind" manon sighed out, making lara look back at her, "maybe just let me inside your mind, i might be able to find what you're trying to say."

and manon gave her a tight lip smile, and lara just chuckled before looking off. the pair sat in silence before the indian's phone chimed, she opened the message and seeing it was from daniela, "where did you two runoff to now?" and lara replied, "somewhere in the mountains" —

it all felt so right, that day her and manon were happy, so what happened within those two days that she just gave up? manon was known to miss alot of days of their classes, honestly it worried everyone that knew her. she'd disappeare for days at a time then she'd randomly come back.

but this time, she wasn't coming back. see, the day after her and lara's little run off from ther friends, they all spent the day out having the time of their life. manon was so giggly, so giddy and happy. you couldn't tell if anything was bothering her because she was so lively.

she went home before daniela did, well, to her own personal home not to the dorns, you see, manon had other plans. the brunette woman went under her bed, grabbing a box that she had been preparing for the longest time.

"today's the day" she said, sighing to herself. she didn't want to have to leave the girls she just met but it was that time. the brunette grabbed what she was using, her method of choice being overdosing. she had used the prescription her therapist had put her on a while ago that she wasn't taking regularly.

manon sat at her desk, writing down five different notes for each of the girls, leaving them a sweet message each personalized for them and all having a similar ending message with something along the lines of —

"don't blame yourself for this, you've done all you could and words can never thank you enough for giving me the happiest years of my life that i was never able to touch on my own"

when it came to lara's note, it was much harder for manon. she felt like she was abandoning the red haired woman but she also felt like lara could understand her. she could feel that lara would understand why she decided to just end it all now instead of continuing to fight for any type of happiness without being distracted or depending on someone else.

while manon wrote lara’s note, she had already taken the pills. as time passed, her eyes began to feel heavy, her phone was ringing under her body as she laid in her bed, but she wasn’t able to move. by the time that her phone sent the caller to voicemail, she had already passed out.

the caller being daniela, asking if manon was home, but it went straight to voicemail so she just texted the swiss woman and waited for her response. it was rather late in the night so daniela didn’t feel right forcing her to reply just yet but that would be proven to be the worst mistake daniela could ever make.

now i know what you're thinking, "why don't they just go over to manon's house and check on her?" — well, she never gave the look that she neeed to be checked on, the common misconception when it came to depression or one with suicidal thoughts.

it didn't begin to worry daniela until the next day when all of her calls continued to go to voicemail. she went to manon's house, knocking on her door but the brunette never came to answer it.

daniela took the spare key from under her sun visor in her car then went back up to manon's door, unlocking it and her house felt oddly cold. daniela didn't really bother to question that, honestly it was the last thing on her mind.

the latina woman ran upstairs to manon's room, knocking on the door. "her car is in the driveway" daniela thought to herself, before opening manon's door. at first she just sees the woman laying in her bed, so she began to just assume that the swiss woman was just tired.

but as she walked closer, she noticed manon wasn't breathing, she in fact hadn’t moved an inch since daniela walked in the house. daniela began to panic, shaking her friend trying to wake her up before manon ended up on her back and daniela tried picking her up.

she laid the woman on the floor while trying her best to revive manon, not having any idea how long manon was there. she called the emergency serivces, her hands were shaking as she cried, whispereing to manon, begging her to wake up and just say that it as a joke, that it's all just a prank.

but by the time the paramedics made it to manon's home, she was already dead. they tried everything they could to bring he back but nothing was working, and they asked daniela questions but she couldn't answer any of them.

daniela was frozen, seeing them put a sheet over manon's head and carry her out of the house, she felt her heart breaking into a million pieces, it felt like time had slowed down, basically stopped. it felt like that until someone tapped her shoulder, they asked daniela to come to the back because they found her notes.

daniela picked them up, and thanked them before going back to her car where she completely broke down. she didn't know what to do, she know she had phone calls to make now but she drove to sophia's house first.

the black haired waman had just gotten off of work, her night shift in the hospital, she had just got to her door when she saw daniela's car pulling into her driveway. sophia was lost, they had their tests soon and this was around the time she had to study before classes which were in a few hours, why was she here?

sophia walked off her porch, seeing the blonde woman get out of the car, "dani? hey why are you here?" sophia questioned but from the way daniela looked, it told sophia something had happned.

daniela just stood at the front door, her face red and eyes were puffy from how much she cried, she felt discombobulated. she had already called lara while she was driving to sophia's place, checking on her to see if she even knew but the red haired woman told her she was okay so daniela knew it'd be much harder letting her know what happened to manon.

daniela made it inside of sophia's home before telling her, the black haired woman just furrowed her brows, the information not registering in her brain. "this has to be some kind of joke, "manon isn't coming back" you're playing with me" sophia said doing air quotes, playing it off — but daniela shook her head, the fillipina woman stayed in denial until it clicked in her head, her heart started feeing heavier as time passed.

she felt like she was having an anxiety attack, she called lara, she didn't know why, hell daniela didn't even know, she was walking out to her car to get the notes manon had left for them. that's when sophia had told lara, but the call was different.

lara answered the phone, you could hear the shower water running in the background hile sophia was crying to lara, "l-lara.. m-manon ...she" you could her lara trying to calm down sophia, the shower water stopped before the indian woman spoke "what about her? what did she do?"

"she didn't make it" sophia got out, and lara felt her entire world stop. she didn't feel anything anymore, everything felt so cold all of a sudden, she couldn't even process the words, her ears began to ring.

the younger woman just simply replied saying "i-i'll call you back, thank you for telling me" sophia looked up, seeing daniela walking back up to her, with the papers. "those are her notes?" and daniela nodded.

the other two girls didn't know what was going on, at least they had no knowledge of what happened to manon by this point. megan was at work, covering someone else's shift while yoonchae behind in class to help the staff and teachers set up for the celebration they had going on later that week.

daniela decided to call megan after she got off of work, they tried to act as usual, how they'd treat any other day since thats what manon asked them to do once recieving the news but it was hard for them, harder for daniela since she saw them carry manon's dead body out of the house.

after daniela told megan, you could hear the ginger just laugh it off "yeah, no. she didn't do it." megan was in denial about her friend's death, daniela kept trying to tell her that she saw them carry manon out but the ginger wasn't listeing.

"i'll call you when i'm home" megan said, just laughing it off which worried daniela and sophia so they decided to dirve to megan and lara's place. the drive from their house to the ginger and red haired woman's home was a 15-20 minute drive.

by the time they got there, megan's car was already in the driveway and they knocked on the door. megan opened it, and automatically hugged daniela. the blonde woman held her in a tight embrace, rubbing her saying it was okay.

megan was in heavy denial just an hour ago, what happened that made her realize it wasn't fake? she heard lara crying, and asked her what was going on, lara tried beating around the bush but they know each other too well for them to lie to each other and lara ended up telling her the truth and thats when eveything clicked for megan.

the group walked inside, megan telling them lara was in her room. sophia walked upstairs to lara's room, to check on the indian woman but she had cried herself to sleep. sophia opened the door, and saw her laying there. sophia walked up to the sleeping girl and sat beside her, placing her hands on lara's back gently.

she could feel lara shifting in her sleep, her heart was heavy after this and it was the same or all of the girls. everyone grieves differently and in reality everyone was hurt but they had to put on a facade, a look to throw everyone away from suspecting things.

it was working until lara had a terrible mental breakdown during one of her classes, that made them question what was going on. lara normaly would cover for any of her friends absences if she was there to do so but by this point it had been a little while since manon passed, and like stated, she missed a lot of school.

lara and manon were taking at least one similar course, and that was the exact class lara had her breakdown during. the teacher pulled her aside and asked, "what has been going on with you?" the techer whispered to lara, after they walked out of the room. "i just.." lara sighed, trying to lie to her teacher about something but she couldn’t.

lara already felt so overwhelmed with all that was happneing, she just ended up telling the teacher, which her teaches gaze softened while she spoke to lara. "it's none of my business but i think you should try going to therapy. " and lara nodded, wiping her tears off of her face.

"i'll sign you out for the day, saying you have a family emergency or something similar. you'll be out until you can gcome back, what about the other girls?" the teacher was refering to the rest of their friend group and lara just shrugged her shoulders, she was overtimulated and the teacher quickly picked up on that.

"i'll email the other teaches and tell them to allow them to be out until they feel better" her teacher said before nodding and gabbing her bags from inside of the class then leaving. lara would go back home, feeling the emptiness that filled the house now, she went upstairs after leaving her bag in the car, falling face first into her bed and just sighing.

while lara laid in her bed, she could feel her heartbeat against her pillow. "lara?" the red haired woman heard a familiar voice, making her sit up. lara felt like she was going crazy, no one else was home but to make sure she called out for someone but no one answered.

once the house fell dead silent again, she heard the same voice speak, "i'm sorry". this made the indian woman start thinking to herself questioning who could be talking before she let the voice sink in her head, was it manon? it sounded like her, but, no, that’s impossible.

lara tried drowing it out, she put some headpones on and played some music, laying in her bed and as her thoughts slowed down, for the first time in so long lara was relaxed. while she slept, she heard the brunette girl again.

"hey, lara. i'm sorry for leaving you so soon" the swiss woman said softly, lara could feel the warmth of the clothes manon had on, she could feel the brunettes heart beat and she could feel the embrace.

lara cried as she hugged manon back, "i love you so much, you know?" manon said, it felt like lara was listening to an old voice message manon had recorded for her but it was all sureal. she could fee the hug, she finally felt somewhat happy with manon holding her.

"you were an amazing friend, but lara, i need you to do something for me" manon said, holding eye contact with lara, her thumb wiping across lara's cheek to wipe her tears, "i need you to stay strong for me, i need you to live out life for me. do what we planned to do for all these years"

lara nodded and she could feel manon kiss her forehead, manon smiled to her before lara woke up. everything that happened she could feel, touching her face she could feel the tear that fell down her cheek but she felt better now.

a few hours after this lara decided to start looking for therapist, finding one that was highly rated out of the entire city. lara contacted the woman and she was able to make her appointment for the next day, and that's exactly what she did.

the morning of the appointment, lara woke up happier than she did any other day, yeah she still had the anxiety but for reason she was more okay with this. she got dressed that morning and wore the perfume manon always said she loved on her.

lara got in her car, and mapped out where the location was. while she drove, she could hear little voice speaking, but it was all manon's. she payed attention to them and it as all little things manon would do or say while they drove anywhere.

lara smiled to herself while she thought about their litte mountain date, that stayed on her mind until she made it there to meet her therapist.

the raven haired woman greeted her with a hug, "hello, you must be”, she said as she went through her schedule after breaking the hug, “lara raj?" “yes that's me" lara nodded, and karina suggested they go inside and get the sessions started.

"so what seems to be bothering you?" karina asked, "well it's been the death of my friend. i was really close to her" lara started, and continued to explaining her and manon's connection.

karina nodded as the indian spoke, then began giving her some advice on how to handle this chapter of her life and helping lara being to accept this being her reality now. lara took notes while karina spoke, taking every bit of information given to her and planning how she was going to make that appear in her actual life.

soon the days turned into weeks, those weeks turned into month after month and now it was the day of manon's funeral, lara was far from prepared for this.

building up to the day, she hadn't seen manon or even heard her voice, but here she was in her bathroom getting ready for the day that she knew would drain her beyond her capacity. — the day she had been dreading.

she had been so mentally exhausted ever since that night but today she wanted to try to not let it get the best of her, "hey lara?" lara heard manon's voice again while she spaced out, she was straightening her hair when the brunette called out to her.

it had honestly been so long that lara felt like she was going crazy again, today was the last day manon's body would be exposed to any type of sunlight — that it would be above ground. "thank you for not giving up like i did" the brunette said again, lara shook her head, trying to drown it out but it was like manon was in the room with her.

or, well. she literally was, when lara walked out of her bathroom, she noticed a small dip on her bed, like someone was sitting there, it was manon. now, lara couldn't see her but the swiss woman saw her. "you look so beautiful today" manon said as she looked at lara's outit.

it was color cordenated to manon's favortie colors, different shades and everything to match all that the love of her life enjoyed. "lara, be strong today" manon said, lara noticed the dip in her bed getting lifted before feeling that same warm air pass by her.

she could feel the gentle woman's hand around her waist while she pulled her into a hug, the light weight of manon's head touching her chest, gently weighing on her. "i love you" manon said, "even where i am now, i still love you so much" lara felt like she couldn’t breathe for a second, and she started crying. as the tears fell down her face, the indian woman could feel manon wipe it for her.

"please don't cry" manon whispered before kissing lara's cheek, "i'll see you soon, i promise. i have to go now, i love you" those were the last words lara heard from manon before she killed herself that day, but here she was hearing them again from manon's spirit.

lara nodded, "i love you too, darling" lara softly said, opening her camera and seeing manon smiling at her and waving before disappearing again. lara sighed as she closed her phone, putting on her shoes before grabbing her keys.

lara attened the feuneral and she handled it much better than she thouht she would've been able to. after they buried manon. everyone was geting ready to leave but lara stayed back.

she sat near where manon was buried and just looked at the sky, she began to disassociate from reality the longer she was there, it felt draining.

even though she came in so confident and handled it better than expected, she still felt every last bit of energy that was left in her body completely leave, while she just stood there, watching her casket going down.

she didn’t cry at all, not until now. lara felt weak in this moment, she felt like she was just a bag of flesh, something dead but was living still.

she tried getting up after a while of sitting there, but something pulled her from going away. she stayed there for another thirty minutes, and when she tried to get up, she was able to this time.

she looked down at manon’s grave, then the obituary that was in her hands. she had to drag herself to her car, driving home but after that day no one saw lara again.

and when i say no one — i mean, nobody. not even lara and megan’s cats had seen her, lara never went back to their home, she went back to her family home, that was now hers and she stayed there.

the days soon turned to months since anyone had last gotten any contact to lara, she was still grieving, deeply buried in her bed. she would always sleep, and as odd as that sounds she’d taken sleeping medicine to do so because that was the only time she was able to see manon.

and i know, wasn’t she still in therapy? — yeah, but she stopped going after a few appointments. the funeral really broke her, so bad to the point where she couldn’t even function normally.

but then a knock came at the door — she got out of bed, but her head was spinning. “shit how long has it been?” she said, sitting back down trying to make sense of time and what day it was.

she stood up and was able to make it through the hallways holding onto the walls, her head was pounding but someone was also knocking on the door. — she made it downstairs before opening it, seeing a worried sophia.

her eyes were squinted while sophia’s brows were furrowed, “lara..” thats sophia was able to make out, she looked at the way lara looked. she looked so, sick.

she walked into lara’s house as the redhead turned around, saying something about her head hurting and sophia hurried behind her. "lara? are you okay? no ones heard from you in months." sophia said, the worry was obvious in her voice.

lara sighed hen she sat down, "i'm .. i'm okay" she said, trying to keep her eyes open but sophia was already in front of her "come on lara, please be honest. this is nothing like you. where is the same lara we had two months ago?"

"she died, along with manon" lara said which took sophia back, " i thought you were in therapy and gettng help lara, thats what you would alway said and show us." but lara just chuckled, "soph", making the filipina look at her.

"yeah?" the indian woman just sighed, "its easier to sell off that i'm doing better but in reality, i'm really not, i mean for fucks sake look at me!" lara yelled as she pointed to her body. sophia gasped as she looked at how thin lara was, yeah she saw her earlier at the door but she didn't exactly look at her body.

sophia stayed for the rest of the day, trying to get lara to at an be active again, but at some point sophia left to go upstairs and lara hard the voice she yearned for. "hi baby" she could manon gently say, she looked down on the seat next to her, seeing a small dent, like something or someone was there.

"it's been so long, i know." manon softly said, pulling lara on her shoulder. "i saw you last night, you know. i decided to take over the plushie that you sleep with" manon said and chuckled. which made lara smiled, she just listened to manon while she poke smiling to herself.

it felt like she was in another universe now, she actually felt happier and like she existed. it lfelt like the real world stopped for a second, lara started crying again. she hadn’t cried in so long, the flood of emotions was too much for her.

manon soon left, lara feling the emptiness of her actual life and noticing that sophia was already behind her. "i'm gonna get goi- lara are you okay?" sophia said when she saw lara's face. "no no, yeahh, i'm fine soph. thak you." lara said and sophia smiled, "you're welcome"

not long after though, sophia left, which lara just went back upstairs into her room. she laid in her bed, staring at the plushie manon got for her and just laid there while her brain began to static.

her vision slowly grew blurry as time passed, and soon everything went dark. the echo of heartbeat began to grow louder, her ears began to ring.

soon all the sounds stopped, her ears fell dead silent, everything was silent. lara’s heart wasn’t even beating anymore.

it worked.

[fannedandflawless]

The Role of Pride in Lily Evans’ Unforgiving Nature—Was It Principle, Ego, or Both?

📌 A gentle note for Snily and Marauders fans: this isn’t an attack—it’s an examination. I say this as a former Snily loyalist turned emotionally weathered centrist. This piece is not here to villainise or romanticise, but simply to trace the weight of choices that never got buried with their makers.

This piece is a direct extension of "Lily Evans: Golden Girl or Something Sharper?"—because darling, some women don’t just close the chapter, they seal it with wax and walk off the page.

Lily Evans is often described as principled. And oh, how lovely that sounds in theory. But when we examine her choices—who she forgave, who she didn't, and the emotional calculus behind it all—what emerges isn’t just moral clarity. It’s curated boundaries, polished silence, and pride dressed head to toe in virtue.

1. The Unforgivable Apology: When Regret Wasn’t Enough

Severus Snape apologised. Earnestly. Desperately. He waited outside Gryffindor Tower, laid bare his guilt, asked for forgiveness—not once, but repeatedly. (Darling, he was practically on emotional bended knee.)

Lily never opened the door. Not metaphorically, and not literally. Because why settle for closure when you can have a cold, gilded lock?

The world often applauds her for drawing the line, for protecting her worth. But there’s a difference between setting boundaries and monogramming them into stone. For Lily, once her pride was pierced—once someone she trusted made her feel wrong for trusting them—there was no path back. No redemption arc. No middle act rewrites.

She didn’t cut people off. She shut them out, and sealed the entryway behind her with grace so elegant it could pass for sainthood. And saints don’t look back. Not when the lighting is better from the pedestal.

This wasn’t about the word Mudblood. It was about the humiliation of having once vouched for someone who later proved her wrong. Severus didn’t just fail her standards—he embarrassed her taste. And Lily? She was not a woman who tolerated emotional misalignment in public.

So she did what any refined girl in control would do: she vanished, left the guilt in his hands, and never gave him a chance to return them.

⸻

2. Petunia Evans: The Sister Who Wasn’t Worth the Bridge

Lily’s pride wasn’t reserved for friendships. It ran thick through her family too.

Petunia was jealous, yes—but she was also a girl left behind in a world that no longer made room for her. Lily could see her sister’s discomfort. She could have explained, softened, reassured. She didn’t.

In canon, Petunia’s bitterness is dismissed as petty. But Lily’s aloofness never helped. Even years later, Lily writes in a letter to Sirius that Petunia "was being a bit more pleasant than usual, though she still won’t talk to me directly." There’s no warmth there—just polite distance.

And when Lily brought James into their home—a boy who sneered at Vernon and represented everything Petunia had grown to resent—Lily didn’t intervene. She didn’t apologise. She let the tension sit, perfectly composed.

If Severus failed her morally, Petunia failed her socially. And Lily’s response in both cases? Silence. Just long enough for the wound to scar over.

⸻

3. Forgiving James Potter: The Selective Mercy

The greatest contradiction in Lily’s story is this: the boy who bullied her closest friend—who mocked Severus publicly, gleefully, and often—was not only forgiven. He was loved.

Did James change? Arguably, yes. But Severus also changed. He tried to come back. He apologised. He regretted in a way James never publicly did. He asked for mercy Lily never extended.

And yet, Lily chose James.

Why?

Perhaps because she needed a new narrative. Severus was a story of disappointment. James became the story of potential. And Lily, above all, chose to believe in the version of someone who hadn't failed her personally.

Was it principle? Or was it pride in refusing to look back?

She didn’t just forgive James—she allowed herself to forget. His bullying, his arrogance, the way he laughed while Severus burned—all smoothed over by a present she preferred to the past.

Severus reminded her of a misjudgement. James offered her a chance to never admit she made one.

⸻

Grace, Guilt, and the Unsent RSVP

Lily Evans wasn’t cold. She was curated. Proud enough to walk away from anyone who couldn’t keep up with the version of themselves she’d approved, and polished enough to make it look like emotional maturity.

She loved James not because he was perfect—but because he wasn’t Severus. No inconvenient history. No public regret. Just a new story she could spin without ever citing her sources.

She left Petunia not because she was cruel—but because she refused to carry someone else’s bitterness in her handbag. (It didn’t match the robes, darling. She’d already curated the guest list, and neither Petunia nor the one in patched Slytherin black made the cut.)

And she never forgave Severus—because doing so would’ve meant admitting she had once misjudged, once invested wrongly. And that sort of vulnerability? Lily didn’t do clearance sales.

That’s not just principle. That’s ego in silk gloves.

And in Lily Evans’ world, they weren’t just dressed the same—they shared a wardrobe.

But what Lily likely never imagined—darling, what she never planned for—is that one day, the weight of all this curation would land on someone else. That Harry, her child, would inherit not just the love that protected him, but the bitterness that never got resolved. That he’d grow up with the only living relative she’d silently written off. That he'd arrive at school to find a professor who loathed him on sight—not for anything he did, but for the unresolved wreckage she left behind.

And Harry? He just blinked. And bore it. And kept going.

⸻

Related post: Lily Evans: Golden Girl or Something Sharper?

[saerotonins]

tied red strings of fate

ft. gojo satoru x gn!reader

request: omg .. tadhana by udd + satoru please ? 

content warnings: fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, jjk manga spoilers [ch 236], canon divergent, implied that reader knows about curses but is not a sorcerer, lowkey a character analysis but yeah, happy ending

wc: 1283

note: when i saw this request i was so happy because tadhana* is literally one of my fave opm classics! also, im sorry nonnie if this was long overdue, figured i'd give him some fluff at his death "anniversary" heh (albeit a little late). i miss our glorious king sm :(( happy holidays ����

song: tadhana-up dharma down

*tadhana=destiny

gojo satoru is a force to be reckoned with. his name rings a bell and brings shivers to the spine of any potential enemies he has. 

he's gojo satoru, the strongest of all, the holy grail of jujutsu sorcery. he's gojo satoru, whose power literally repels and divides everyone else and him.

but to you, he's a lover, a man of his own, an independent being who is capable of emotions. he's satoru. the love of your life.

so when he decided to call it quits, to say you were devastated is an understatement. you were left broken, calling out his name at night hoping he would appear in front of you just one, for closure. him closing the chapter of your book got you weeping and yearning for more of him. 

because even though he's your lover, even you have a hard time of catching a glimpse of who he really is. satoru is an open book, but he's hard to understand. you did all your best to ease him and make him open up, show more of himself to you, bare his truth, the good, the bad, and the ugly, all of them you're willing to accept.

alas, the universe has other plans, the challenge ended even before it began, he is most definitely an enigma, someone that you will probably never get to solve. satoru's backed turned against you was a sight you are never going to forget. you spent months moving on and try to live a life where he isn't yours. it's hard but you try to manage anyway.

so when a knock on your door was heard by the 31st of december, you didn't expect gojo satoru in his full glory standing before you. as shocked as you are, you see his eyes had sunken. he's beyond exhausted but when he sees you, his eyes lighten up and you feel the warmth of his arms and your feet off the floor. you miss this, you miss him, it was all so familiar and something you very much miss. every fiber of your being remembered the way he touched you, triggered by the way his hands gripped onto your waist for dear life. as confused as you are, you reciprocated his gesture, opting to rest your hand on his shoulder blades.

"satoru?" you managed to voice our before you feel him put you down but his embrace remain. he then rests his head on the crook of your neck, then you hear him sniffle. suddenly you feel something drop onto your skin. his tears slowly roll from his face to your neck and shoulders.

satoru's lips wobbles as he tries to contain himself but to know avail, he lets his cries out, deciding to bare himself to you and be vulnerable. he was so so so tired of fighting. as great as the title 'the strongest' sounds, it gets too lonely even for him. being on the top is lonely. and he knows it himself.

he'd rather fall from grace than live a life where he isn't yours. he was too late to realize it. he was so stupid, too cocky, too condescending that it took him facing death before realizing that he wants to live, just for you. so when he finally defeats the evils of the jujutsu world, his first thought is you. the only one who provided light in his dark and desolate world.

as charming and bright satoru is, he is often left in the shadows in the cave but when he came to know you, he was absolutely in love and smitten. you were like a fresh breath of air to him. but when he decides that creeping into your mundane and simple life would rather be selfish of him. someone cursed like him shouldn't be able to be with someone who is blessed and down to earth like you. 

but being selfish be damned, he had faced battles, including one that almost left him biting the dust. he wants you, he needs you in his life and letting you go was definitely a mistake, something that he will never do ever again.

when his cries had calmed down, you finally get his voice again after a long time. "i'm so sorry," satoru started. "i was an idiot, i love you so much and i never stopped loving you. i was so stupid to let you go, i have never loved someone as much as i did with you." satoru knows his worth is probably lesser than any other being the moment he let you go, the only pillar who provided stability and balance in his life. he was impulsive, too proud, and too strong. but the way you held him every time you caged him into your arms is like he was fragile, someone to be protected, someone to cherish.

satoru loved that. and he was stupid to think that was worth letting go.

knowing you has made him scared of death, an entity or event that could break the two of you apart and live in separate worlds, and he couldn't bare to face it. he loves you too much to let himself go and so he fought with you in mind and thank any deity that exists, he finally won.

gojo satoru is the strongest.

so seeing him crumble right before your very eyes as his knees meet the concrete is a shock. he had bowed before you first before he had bowed to any higher up. hell, satoru bowing before anyone else would come as a shock. he held onto your ankle for support, his voice begging to take him back as he spews even more apologies that he can manage.

"please, please, i'm so sorry darling, i'll do what it takes for you to take me back. i love you so much, no other human had made me feel this way, please i'm so sorry. i miss you so much, god, i can't even remember a life before you, please." satoru had begged, begged, and begged, his voice getting louder and louder and each increased volume of his voice his hurt is more evident.

with the way his voice cracked broke your heart, and that's when you knew he meant every single letter, every syllable, every drop of tear, and every breath of his apology. 

you had completely broken the strongest. but satoru doesn't mind. even if you break him a thousand times, he'd painstakingly pick up every single piece of himself to present it to you. and that's what he's doing right now.

"i forgive you 'toru," he barely hears you say through his wails and it slowly comes to a halt. he then lost the feel of your ankles as he sees you kneel yourself to his level. your hands reached to touch his face and there you see his eyes, glassed with tears, love, and regret. satoru feels the heat of your hands on his cheeks and his instincts leaned into it. "i was hurt, but i'm never mad, i just wished you'd tell me why," his heart broke when he heard your voice crack.

"but you're hear now, right? we can fix this, we can fix us." you say as you carefully wipe the tears on his face. satoru nodded as he holds your wrists and caress his thumb on it. "yeah, we'll fix us."

"together?"

"together," satoru said in confidence. 

and with a light heart, satoru leans in to catch your lips on his, sealing his silent promise to never hurt you ever again, or he will never get to forgive himself.

he's gojo satoru.

he'll always find a way back into your arms.

another note: i'm quite unsure with the ending but this is all that i got 😔 i hope this was on par with your expectations nonnie hehe 🫶🏻

[sunsetsentiments]

okay so i love you i'm sorry by gracie abrams is totally about jason and piper from piper's pov. HERE'S WHY,, it's a long one lol

"I told the truth, oh, but you didn't like it, you went home." // "That's just the way life goes, I like to slam doors closed. Trust me, I know it's always about me."

piper is the one who broke up with jason,, and from the burning maze, we know she saw it as an inevitable event. internally, she has been struggling with figuring out who she is outside the perils of demigod life,, and if she's living the life she wants or the one hera/aphrodite wanted for her. basically, she's dealing with the confusion and exhaustion as a result of all the life-changing events of hoo.

while i have comments about the way rick wrote and explained this break-up (again,, topic for another day),, it's clear that piper needed time away from everything to deal with her turmoil, and it's this that drives her to end things with jason. she needed to search for clarity, and she couldn't with him around when his presence in her life only added to her confusion. so she slammed the door closed and thought that it was for the best, and i can imagine jason responding as maturely as he could while still showing signs of heartbreak. all piper could do was let it happen.

"Thankful you don't send someone to kill me."

piper being absolutely relieved and guilty about the way jason responded to her decision 😭

"Two summers from now, we'll have been talking, but not all that often, we're cool now." // "Wistfully lean out my window and watch the sun set on the lake. I might not feel real, but it's okay."

these lyrics capture the kind of relationship piper and jason had - because romantic drama aside,, piper considers him to be her best friend ("more than annabeth"), and even when they were on shaky terms,, they were still able to communicate and understand each other well as noted by apollo. so yeah,, they'd definitely continue being friends even after a break-up. and it's nice and weird and comforting all at once. because the old piper wouldn't have expected things to happen this way,, but the present piper is glad that they can still be in each other's lives.

if only they had enough time to work things out though. because here comes the tragic part 😭

"You were the best but you were the worst, as sick as it sounds, I loved you first. I was a dick, it is what it is, a habit to kick, the age-old curse."

no bc in my head,, this whole bridge is piper's thought process as she deals with losing jason post-burning maze.

he was the best - literally, not only one of the most powerful and reliable demigods, but also the most supportive boyfriend she could ask for - but also the worst,, bc sometimes she felt like she didn't know him,, sometimes he was distant and too inside his own head,, sometimes she wasn't sure if they were meant to be together or not,, and that uncertainty and doubt nagged at her, and it's exactly why she breaks up with him later. but was it really the right decision, or did she let her insecurities control her? and if the latter was true,, then she broke both of their hearts for nothing,, which ultimately led to their strained relationship, and they would neve have full closure bc of what caligula did.

in piper's head,, she might start to think that she made a mess that didn't have to happen,, and the crazy part is she let it happen even though she was the one who loved him and had feelings for him first,, whether they started as an illusion or not.

so how could she possibly let all this happen? we know piper has struggled with a low self esteem since before, and she might look back to past actions that were rash in retrospect,, like stealing cars to get her father's attention. so piper might mistakenly spiral into thinking that everything is her fault bc she was lacking as a person,, and that bc she didn't beat her age-old habits, they haunted her like a curse.

"I tend to laugh whenever I'm sad, I stare at the crash, it actually works. Making amends, this shit never ends, I'm wrong again, wrong again."

piper tried to accept the break-up and losing jason as best as she could. she tried to play down the emotional weight of the break-up in the burning maze bc she felt as though she thought it through,, and at the end of toa, she's obviously trying to move on. these methods seem to work for her on the outside,, but that doesn't mean the grief and confusion has gone away.

the pain and the memories might keep coming back,, and piper might have to grapple with the possibility that she was wrong this whole time, again leading her to believe it was all her fault. in short,, she's confused and devasted and has no idea what the truth is anymore (which is why a book fleshing out her and leo's grief would be SO good).

"I wanna speak in code, hope that I don't, won't make it about me." // "I love you, I'm sorry."

the last chorus of the song beautifully reflects piper's confusion and longing, wishing that maybe she did things a little differently, wishing that maybe she and jason had a different ending.

but the thing is, in spite of all that happened and the confusion she's facing now,, the one thing that never changed was that she loved him, and it's both because of this and in spite of this that she did what she had done, and why she's feeling all these mixed emotions now.

"i love you, i'm sorry" is so powerful coming from piper considering the first time she told him 'i love you' in mark of athena,, and also bc of the whole i'm sorry part. she's sorry about breaking his heart. sorry if she ever made him doubt himself, if he was good enough, if it was his fault. sorry about never properly reconciling. sorry about not being enough to save him. sorry about being unable to say goodbye. sorry about never seeing him one last time.

[devil-works-hard]

I've always loved the use of memos and audio logs for exposition and lore. But for me, BATDR's audio logs and memos just didn't hit as hard as BATIM's did. Why?

One reason is that we get lots of new characters, but not enough of the old. Combining audio recordings and memos, we get 18 new characters and only 6 old characters (8 if you count Susie and Allison). But who are these new people, what do they do, and why should we care about them? We get:

Sally Newt, Grant's secretary

Dale Little, or as I like to call him, Wally 2

Angus Newman, a lazy toymaker

Kay Lee, an auditor who helped Grant and Joey hide some assets

Grace Conway, or as I like to call her, Norman 2

Archie Carter, the Gent test subject

Bill Danton, animator

Chef Buck, the cannibal chef

Jane Todd, creator of Carley

Telly Wester, who doesn't really seem to actually work at JDS

Phil Clark, who only seems to exist to hint at the door code

Hudson Doyle, a tour guide, I think?

Muncie Dunn, the crane operator?

Eugene Lloyd

Hank Scott

Lance Derby

Steve McGregor

Kitty Thompson

Notice how I left some of their descriptions blank. That's because it's not entirely clear how some of them are connected to JDS. Artist, toymaker, maintenance- who knows? That's one problem with the new characters: we don't really know who they are.

Hell, a lot of them don't even seem to work at JDS. One of them even runs the farmer's market stand. A couple of them seem to work for Gent (you can tell because their notes are marked by a gear), but still, we don't learn much about Gent through them anyway.

Now, let's look at the returning characters, not counting Susie and Allison:

Grant Cohen (yay!)

Sammy Lawrence

Wally Franks

Jack Fain

Shawn Flynn

Thomas Connor

With Jack and Shawn, their logs are just of them leaving. Given the fact that BATDR takes place after the closure of JDS and Archgate's purchase of the Bendy IP, their logs make sense. Wally's note is for game purposes. But it's awfully disappointing to me.

Which leads me into my second point: they don't actually say much of anything.

Adding new characters could make the studio feel more populous and lived-in, like an actual studio, but the new exposition fails to meaningfully build on the info we get in the first game. Telly's note boils down to "Oh no, they're sad it's closing down!" Lance doesn't trust the Gent workers (this didn't need to be introduced, we already don't trust Gent), Grace is a repeat of Norman (I would have rather just had another Norman log), and Angus is just lazy. Steve ends up becoming Big Steve, which is pretty neat, and a lot of these memos introduce various mechanics, but they don't really build on what BATIM established. Once again, I think this is because they're focusing on the end of JDS's run, but they don't tell us… anything. Nothing interesting, nothing new.

Grant's log and Sally's note just reiterate that the studio was in dire straits and that something happened to him. Again, we already know this. Tell us something new.

This is part of the issue I have with a lot of the anonymous notes left around the studio too. A lot of them fall under what I call "vague spooky shit," which is exactly that it sounds like-- vague, spooky shit that doesn't say anything, and only serves to be spooky or creepy. The whole "ghost" theme applies here a lot. Whenever the theme of ghosts shows up, it's usually pretty literal, and doesn't really do anything interesting with the motif other than being spooky.

Also: Why the hell are Nathan's audio logs in the cycle? Did Wilson add them? The timeline confuses me.

[sandstormjoneshusband]

What are your Dalv and Anyone Other Than Starlo dynamic headcanons

OK SO!!!!! DALV FRIENDSHIPS…… what a world it would be if I had two whole friends……….. so criminally underrepresented in this fanbase but I guess I have to be the change I want to see in the world..

So in marts case, I like to think they hang out the most given their close distance. It’s good to have someone much more outgoing than him to assist with his reintegration into monster society; she helps him reintroduce himself to the locals and gets his name out there, like by hanging up posters for his organ concerts all around snowdin and such. They’re both creatives at heart too, I think they’d always talk about and share progress on their projects with each other. Mart helps fill up his new house with little wooden trinkets she made (maybe even bigger stuff like furniture… it would be a nice way to show how much she’s learnt and improved since becoming chujins apprentice all those years ago) and Dalv returns the gesture by showing her early drafts of his books and organ performances. They also would probably talk about clover a lot, too. Starlo and Ceroba have each other, but neither martlet nor dalv were already close to anyone else Clover bonded with. Definitely a lot of reminiscing on how they changed both of their lives for the better. There’s maybe even some shared feelings of guilt from both of them, that they let this human who affected them so deeply sacrifice themself for the good of their people… Maybe they use their combined creative talents to create another little memorial for them…

And ceroba aughhhhhh dalv and ceroba. Do you ever think about how similar they are. They’ve both dealt with an absurd amount of trauma and regret, and perhaps not dealing with it in the best way for a long time. They would be able to connect with each other through that, I think. Knowing what it’s like to be trapped in that spiral of depression, isolating themselves from those who try to reach out to them and lashing out at clover in the hopes that it would fix their problems. They’d also enjoy hanging out in general, of course. Ceroba “they’re a bit too rowdy for my tastes” and Dalv “wants to be left alone” would appreciate each others more relaxed company on occasion. Ceroba brings him corn in the credits, I like to think it’s a weekly thing of sorts. She takes it from the weekly markets and then they share a nice dinner using it as the main ingredient. Maybe she shares the corn chowder recipe she used to make for her family? Dalv is still used to literally only eating corn that it’s nice to have a little more variety, even if it’s still just corn in some way. Oh and of course ceroba is the one who finally lets dalv know what happened to his friend. Why they stopped leaving corn at his door. There were a lot of tears that day, but it was definitely good for both of them: ceroba telling the truth to people after hiding it all for so long, and dalv finally getting closure, knowing why his friend never returned, but perhaps he will still be able to see her again one day…

[maltcrescent]

one door closes, another door opens

Found out about the news of cohost being wound down by the end of 2024 (while going into read-only mode in October), and I'm bummed about it tbh. cohost holds a little more importance for me than others in that it was literally the second platform I branched out to after getting my start here, so I give it major credit for giving me my first true outlet where i could comfortably find others' risque/explicit works in addition to becoming more comfortable with publishing my own. (Since given the history of this site...needs no further explanation.)

More to the point, I also valued the site since it's one of the few notable social media platforms willing to allow and host NSFW material and their associated communities when nearly every other social media outlet is expunging it (and a sizable chunk of their audience) from their platform to appeal to advertisers and/or credit card companies. Current plans are to keep posting as usual until the the site switches over to read-only, though it depends if people stick around to the end or not. Nonetheless, I've still posted a formal sign-off post for everyone there.

On a brighter note, cohost's closure does also mean that I finally worked up the interest to create a Pillowfort account, which you can find in the link. I hope it works out a good spiritual successor to cohost as an tumblr alternative. If you like my works, I hope you take the time to drop in and check me out over there, and follow me if you can!

[reachexceedinggrasp]

tbqh i‘m not a big fan of Janey and/or Barb being the sole purpose and reason Coop stayed sane all those years. obviously, in a lot of ways he hasn’t processed the betrayal of his belief system and the hurt, let alone getting closure. And I mean, from where he stands at the end of s1 and from what we learn about him, it makes total sense that he’s so driven to find his family.

A message that I (personally) would find a lot more compelling though would be a possibility of a new life and closing the door on the past completely? In a way dwelling on the past keeps ourselves from healing, I think, and I really wish for Cooper to find meaning in the present and truly ‘take it as it comes’.

Ghoulcy brainrot aside, I think that it could be a nice way, narratively speaking, for Coop to let himself be soft and vulnerable and learn to trust someone (Lucy potentially) again? Like, he’s been in survival mode for the last 200 years, and there’s no question that there’s a lot to resolve with Vault-Tec, Barb, Hank etc. But I think it would be all backwards if his character arc would lead to him being a father again, without acknowledging how he changed in the meantime.

I mean, there’s a difference what a character THINKS they want, and what they really need. And I don’t see this tidy, neat, narrative bow of Cooper and Janey reuniting and going back to their old dynamic, happening. Which also completely negates Janey’s change and perspective (we still don’t know what happened to her and how she got separated from Cooper. Maybe she was lied to? there’s so many possibilities)

Sorry. All this rambling, just to say that I like the idea of Cooper finding his new purpose in the changed, new world, that is very different from the past, just like he is a changed man. And I hope that his character arc in s2 helps him get closure instead of ‘’’seemingly’’’ giving him what he wants, as in his family.

I agree that I wouldn't like the idea of it as his sole purpose in the ultra-literal sense I mentioned of it being the physical only reason he's alive, ie: he'd go feral if he got answers. That rubs me the wrong way, I think, because I feel like it implicitly denies the inherent value of his life and suggests he can't or shouldn't survive finding closure. Or, like I said, that he's 'already dead' and more like a ghost with unfinished business than someone who can find a way forward. Which I hugely dislike, thematically, because I always want the possibility of hope and healing to exist or what's the point investing in anything. I want characters to feel like they have narrative worth beyond their quests or immediate goals. He's been symbolically resurrected already because we meet him literally rising from his grave, and I want that to be resurrection not reanimation. I think he's alive and therefore still capable of choices and therefore still capable of healing etc etc.

They could take it in a hopeful direction (he's alive and can change) or in a bittersweet or tragic direction (Cooper died and the Ghoul is either his ghost or the wasteland is his Hell, he can serve only as a messenger or vengeful spirit).

I don't agree it's going backwards for him to 'become' a father again. He's never stopped being a father. He's the same person and will always be a father whether Janey is alive or not. To me, healing for him inevitably involves becoming more like he used to be, but that's not going backwards, that's reconnecting with his authentic self. It doesn't mean the intervening years are wiped away and nothing he's gone through since then matters, it just means he realises he buried parts of himself that he needs to be whole. That he doesn't have to let the wasteland turn him into its creature, there's ways to adapt and survive without discarding your soul.

He's already being confronted with that and already questioning himself just from the interaction he's had with Lucy so far. She's a mirror and a challenge for him and she's already showing him there might be another path, that it wasn't inevitable he ended up where he is now. He doesn't have to play this role he felt forced into to survive, it's not the only way.

I don't think you ever leave the past behind. It's part of you. To me it's not a binary between nostalgia and trying to 'go back' or drawing a line under it all and getting closure. His past is something he has to reclaim and reintegrate, not something to 'let go'.

If they're reunited, it will obviously never be the same, but that doesn't mean having a relationship with his daughter isn't something he should want. He'll always want that, that's a fundamental part of his identity. I don't think it's a simple bow to tie things in at all, because the most difficult part about it is that they'll have to figure out a way forward in the changed world. They can't go back to the way things were before. He can't go back, he can only reconcile.

I'd argue it'd be more of a challenge to his character if she's alive, because he'll have to deal directly with the reality of who he really is under the role he's taken on and be vulnerable just in order to even talk to her. If she's not alive, someone else would have to force him to do that.

Which I think can be Lucy, of course, because she's already made him reflect and confronted him just by being herself, but she can never create the emotional reckoning Janey can. The way his arc is going could be equally leading up to a reunion and a crisis or to him having to accept Janey's death. I think either is valid and possible, though again I think her being alive is more challenging and thus more likely.

If Janey is dead, that puts ten times more weight on his relationship with Lucy and makes their intimacy or lack thereof completely determinate of his trajectory, because he'd have no one else left to make him vulnerable. But like. He already dropped his exaggerated persona several times, including for Lucy simply because he empathised with her. I feel like he's more aware of what he's doing by playing a character to survive, and his authentic self is much closer to the surface, than people generally suppose.

[sukirichi]

omg ur back!!! i love all of ur works and before discovering ur acc, i really didn't care about naoya at all lol but OH BOY did ur naoya trophy wife fics converted me into a naoya whore 🫣

another fave of mine is ur koko fic entitled "open doors and closed walls" i literally reread it all the time like the angst is just that good 😭 and what keeps me up at night is whether koko got his shit together and fixed everything with y/n or he just let her go and one day he saw her with another guy and she seems genuinely happy, so he regrets letting her go and it's like a the one that got away situation 🫠

im sorry if rambled way too much about that koko fic i got carried away bc i just love it that much 😭 anyways, welcome back and thank u for blessing us again with ur grear writing skillls 🫡🤍

hello anon! and OHHH another naoya enthusiast?!?! that fills me with sm joy when i hear people are liking naoya thru the trophy wife collection like yes! join me!

andd ooohh that kokonoi fic </3 i feel like koko is so perfect when it comes to angst fics. but in that fic actually i don’t think i wrote a proper ending or gave anyone real closure there but we can assume that kokonoi has truly lost a good love </3 maybe one day he does see reader around and how she’s sm happier without him. who knows, maybe he’ll be tempted to finally be better the next time around 💕 also no worries anon, i’d love to hear everyone’s rambles! thank you sm for showing that fic a lot of love and the warm welcome <3

[steelthroat]

I was laying in bed and I felt like something was missing, like the position I was in was wrong, that there was something uncomfortable about it. And then I understood what the problem was; the lack of my cat.

Sunny always sleeps with me, laying on my legs, making it impossible for me to turn or change positions while I'm asleep. She provides warmth and a certain weight that I now feel as something habitual.

Before having this cat, I had no such "troubles," and Sunny is literally one door away from me, so that's good... but that made me reflect on something.

I had a bird, she died months ago, she had her own biological clock that she followed regardless of us humans who lived with her. We always put a "curtain" over her cage so that the light wouldn'tdisturb her... and that also led to us barely turning the lights on or doing so quickly because we were mindful of her comfort.

The bird isn't here anymore, but after a certain hour, it still feels weird turning the lights on and not having to mind about the little bird who's trying to sleep. The lack of the (very big) cage and colorful curtain that draped it make the living room feel different. We don't have to constantly sweep up all the seed husks which she consumed, and there's a lot more silence in our home.

That little bird sang quite a lot, and I used to whistle back at her and even tho I wasn't particularly close to her as I am with my cat now or my old goldfish, it was still our way of acknowledging each other's presence. She sang because that was her nature or because the weather was nice, I sang back because I liked the sound she made and I wanted to participate.

Now that sound doesn't exist anymore and never will again.

And it's bittersweet really, it doesn't make me particularly sad, it's just something that I know will happen again.

One day, a day as far as I hope it'll be, my cat will also die and I will lose that distinct warmth and weight over my legs at night. I won't get to hear her cheerful meowing every time I come back home, I won't get to pet her soft fur, I won't have to remind the fact that I have to give her more food, water, change her litter or brush her.

One day I will lose a lot more than just that, I will lose friends, my parents, people who were more or less close to me. People who left their marks on me, changed my habits, my way of living.

And then those little habits, those little things I did in response to the existence of something or someone will be slowly lost or will change.

As I don't mind keeping the lights on 2 seconds more one day I won't be able to call my parents and ask them how they're doing.

As some of the places from my childhood, the people, the situations don't exist anymore so won't last the the things I'm living/going though as of now.

And that's a weird thing, not inherently bad or good... just weird.

I recently visited a place who carried a lot of trauma, and even though in many years things had changed, the core of the place was the same. But I'd like to think that I am one of the things who changed. Neither that place nor its people have power over me anymore, I went there probably one of the lasts times ever to get my closure and I got it, or probably I'll come back in a few years and see again what changed and what didn't.

And it is weird thinking how everything changes but also some things never really do. Does that make everything meaningless or does this give them even more importance? I genuinely don't know.

But that's something I really don't know if I will get ever used to or understand. But that doesn't matter, does it? I'll just have to live and see for myself what changes and what doesn't, what the things and people I interact with are gonna leave me with going forward.

[netherfeildren]

First of all (literally no one asked me to speak on this and I’m not even the previous anon lol but) I so agree with anon, and with you, and their ask made me want to speak on the ending of Pink too because it is absolutely brilliant and deserves to be talked about. As you say, you did what the story asked of you. Whatever happens after that point is part of the joy of reading, you get to bring to the story what you carry within yourself, and you might walk away as someone slightly changed. There’s such a satisfaction to me with open endings, despite the complicated feelings they might evoke. I guess I just want to encourage more people to take risks with their endings and to be fearless in my own writing too. Writing toward happiness and resolution can be lovely, but it’s that can also serve as a kind of finish point of feeling. Closure like a firmly closed door in your face. But endings like this, with nuance and pain and passion and fear, are like a ringing bell that echoes with you long after you read it. Pretty, perfect bows tied on everything doesn’t leave us with any of that beautiful resonance. Okay bye. Smooches to you and that anon.

hello and one million apologies for sitting on this for so long. the idea of the open ending was not one I'd considered much previous to writing pink solely because I don't think I appreciated it for what it could be prior to actually having to think up my own and put it into words which was HARD let me tell you. I literally never have like a beta or someone I bounce my ideas off of when I'm writing like ever ever but for that I did have to consult my best friend, who also writes, and kind of work through what it was that needed to be said and what didn't. I knew how it was I'd be ending, but building that openness that's part resolution / part imagination like you said is actually so incredibly hard to do. I think there's merit to both sorts of endings of course, a perfectly tied off one, and one that leaves us thinking of what could happen next, but it depends on the story and what possibility there is for afterwards. I see pink with so much potential for what can happen next, but I think with something so convoluted it's better to leave it to the reader to imagine what it is they'd like for the characters, what they'd feel comfortable with, what would satisfy you in your own mind.

thank you so much for reading and smooches back 🫶🏻

[dirtyoldmanhole]

chapter twenty six, part one of three because this is detailed af.

...

ugh. my heart, man.

as much as i've been ironically joking about (waves hand) most everything, this is legitimately going to hurt. the first playthrough was more about figuring out wtf happened. this one? this one i'm going to feel every line. cuz here's the thing.

it'd be one thing if gunter had your typical villain arc and having fun with this chapter all the way through, god knows i appreciate somebody who can go ham in an entertaining way.

here though?

this is his second worst day of his life. only second because the first was.... bad.

not to be all gross ass feels on the literal hornyblog but. you spend four months writing a literal 100k word fanfiction with this guy in your head, you're going to get attached to some degree, y'know?

...

all right.

last time we left off, we fought possessed!sumeragi, and there was a genuinely touching death scene between the hoshidan kids.

(it's a pity the nohrian ones never really have that same emotional catharsis/closure that the hoshidan ones, either with garon or their own nameless mothers. gunter's really the only nohrian parent (figure?) around, and that's more with corrin specifically.

ugh fuck, you know what I just realized? remember that "you can't stop believing in everyone?" line he lowkey threw back at her in last chapter. this one:

gunter's going into this confrontation genuinely thinking this is the betrayal that will break her. that's one of the reasons why he's so bitter.

he's thinking to himself 'no you won't, not with me :) ~' all sardonically. and holding that little poisonous resentment close to his chest with the fucking closet of all the others. again, anankos is less possessing him like a puppet and more about tweaking all of his most uncharitable resentments and bumping the intensity of those up.

and the man has. a fuck ton. of resentments.

anyway, everyone's all huddled by the next set of doors, saying the vallite king is behind them. (big ol' red flag by nintendo that it's somebody other than anankos, b/c why would the title suddenly change?)

they charge in to find the throne room (complete with stark throne) very empty.

then surprise attack fireballs, enter left.

(actually that's interesting, anankos obviously juiced gunter up enough that he can unleash some pretty potent magic divine shit. normally gunter has zero magic to save his life.)

fireballs target everyone but corrin and azura.

(clever, clever sir. )

(really, you almost had them all fooled. in another world you could have wiped them out remarkably easily.)

also: note the emphasis on the royalty. you can practically hear anankos leaning down hard on his resentment of royalty to hear that menace of satisfaction.

ohhhhh holy shit

guess what i also just realized. the shots where corrin/gunter are there? ANANKOS' MASK IS LITERALLY IN BETWEEN (in the background).

holy FUCK that is some brilliant as hell cinematography. anankos ""literally"""" being his mask / the malignant presence blocking their communication/trust/etc. jesus, whoever did these shots needs a raise.

gunter gives it all he's got.

bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

interesting .... that was your idea all along, wasn't it, encouraged by anankos? "lure the royals in the one place and kill them all"

(it's all projection, all the way down in this conversation.)

heh i didn't actually realize i'd be so bang on the mark there, actually, with the last post. (I had forgotten the specific details of this conversation).

...

man, I just feel for corrin here so bad.

like (waves hand) ship stuff aside, at minimum this is the one guy she's trusted for the longest sustained time as a background parental figure. corrin really has not had a single fucking authority figure other than him present. like, at all. who (a) could, and (b) gave a shit enough about her to mentor her with the basic stuff.

this betrayal really does blindside her.

okay, the scarlet stuff is not as interesting, imo, to his characterization to him really harping in on the vallite royalty part.

part of it is that's his cover story, right.

but remember that "interesting" line from him when shit all the sudden went sideways, when corrin found out she's vallite royalty?

lord, you can practically hear anankos piledrive on his hatred when that revelation all but slapped him in the face. beforehand he was somewhat likely to give corrin a chance, but after that...

and i really do think he always hated corrin, to an alarmingly large degree.

(love's closer to hate than apathy, as the line goes.

and i think that was nowhere more accurate than with their bond.)

....

goddamn i can hear the vitrol in these lines.

"I wasn't sure now" yeah, corrin was really lowkey suspecting him when he pointed the finger at azura the last chapter. she's learning.

a little too late, maybe, but she's learning.

all right, i ran out of the image maximum and this is a decent stopping point for a breather, onwards to part two.

[quarterette]

Spent 35 hrs on Spiritfarer over 4 days because I don't know self control, spoilery thoughts under the cut

First off, sending off spirits hits hard. Esp at 3 am when you deliriously try to see what happens at the Everdoor (and also the pain of having to lose a companion to continue the plot, urgh the last time it hurt that bad for me was Pyre and they weren't even dead)

That said by the time I met Jackie the honeymoon phase was wearing off and a lot of the stuff was hitting too close to home. I know comparison of suffering is sussy but... while dentistry doesn't see much suffering on a day-to-day basis, there's some days there's just no juice left in the tank to care...and when the bumps in the road hit it's easy to get cynical and seeing that first hand makes me question all of my own conduct and whether or not I tried my best too.

That long run on sentence aside, kinda mad the death owl (Hades?) doesn't show up again after the 3 convos. I know the Lily update hammers down most of the loose bits regarding Stella's true fate but it feels like by contextualizing the pictures from reality they kinda dropped Hades being a thing... And same with Charon. It just feels like the Greek mythology inspiration was forgotten rather than intentionally discarded/removed in order to give a more "grounded" answer to what exactly Stella is going through.

NGL I would have probably liked the Lily bits better as a NG+ rather than in the base game. Never been a huge fan of "happy fantasies while the person is suffering in reality" tropes in fanfic and it also left a bitter taste when I pieced it together. Without the Lily update, I would guess I would have remained trapped in a more mythology-inspired mindset (as in Spiritfarers being an inheritable role, and she would eventually need to pass that role onto someone else as Charon did)... instead of "this is a dream Stella is having to give herself closure". Like, I get what they were trying to do with the silent bit of Stella passing through the door silently with just Lily's butterflies and Daffodil, but kinda would have liked it more as a call to action of "yes other people can become Spiritfarers too".

(someone headcanoning Buck as the next Spiritfarer tickles my imagination, salty to hear about his actual situation in reality)

TLDR the game was an emotional heavy hitter, just wish the resolution stuck with its Greek mythology trappings, or went harder on "breaking" the dream world to give us the reality (there's bits of it but imo not enough). The "it was all a dream" route is hard to pull off and at least for me, the ending soured the journey for me.

Probs won't replay for a while, until I can get enough emotional distance to actually get through the full Jackie and Daria bits. Literally I noped out part way through that whole plotline and just sent Stella to the Everdoor cuz I couldn't watch it play out more. I'm glad the game does end up discussing the harder parts of patient care (like Alice/Beverly in a more cynical game could become more combative and mean as they regressed) but I need my escapism after work.