#i mean part of the issue was definitely the fault of the person on duty when the spill happened

[bougonia]

Thinking about how absolutely fucking awful gas stations are for the environment 🙃

[lizzzybooo]

Ok this is going to be a controversial hazbin hotel take (or maybe not I wasn't in the fandom when it peaked maybe it's everyone's take) but I just really don't like the way Charlie is treating Vaggie.

I mean I think they're super cute and I love them both but Charlie sometimes acts so self centered with her. Like putting her on the spot asking her to lead the trust exercise, but immediately making her feel bad for the way she does it. And ok fine whatever I can kinda overlook that part though it immediately felt iffy to me, but the way she was mad at Vaggie for not telling her about her past (which is a valid reason to be mad!) but then was saying "I tell her everything, how could she do this to me?" or something like that, I mean?? Vaggie loves her SO much I think Charlie definitely sees that even in the middle of this, and the fact that she didn't ask herself once in those scenes "how is it possible I never asked her enough about herself all these years we've been together to find that out?" Because I mean if you tell a person everything and they share nothing about themselves that should be a point for concern along the way, and I'm pretty sure Vaggie would have told her if Charlie took enough interest in her life.

And generally throughout entire season, Vaggie just loves Charlie so much and sees it as her duty to make her dreams come true- which is of course, something she put on herself and is not Charlie's fault, but Charlie seems more than happy with this arrangement, either so oblivious to it (which is part of her self centered behavior) or worse, is aware of that and is too comfortable with their dynamic to do anything about it. Charlie shows like almost zero interest in who Vaggie is, what her dreams are, what she thinks or how she feels. And I really don't think she has any bad intentions, and I know a lot of other things are going on, but it really rubs me the wrong way.

And even after that, there was no acknowledgement of how hard it probably was for Vaggie to lose everything she knew, everyone she probably considered her family that were so quick to cast her aside, and instead her trust issues were treated as a ~quirky~ little personality trait (and I know they probably didn't have time to delve into that, but they took the time to show how caring Vaggie was towards Charlie and her family problems, they could've shown some reciprocation at least).

And honestly I wouldn't have a problem with that necessarily, for example I don't have a problem with how toxic Blitz and Stolas are in Helluva Boss, because I see how it contributes to the story and to their personal character development, and it's very much acknowledged and is part of the narrative, but here it feels like Charlie x Vaggie are treated like this perfect power couple and their only problem is Vaggie lying, like, no???

Maybe they'll dive deeper into it next season idk, but it just left a bad taste in my mouth

[maverickkkkz]

EUGHHH time to talk about Power Rangers!!

So I've been watching Power Rangers SPD and I wanna talk about Sky because I love him very much and he also has issues LOL. My memory is shit so I might be making half of this up but HERE WE GO!!

Sky Tate has so many issues from his dad, not in the way that his dad was a terrible person or father but because Sky set himself an impossible goal and really high self-expectations because of who his father was. Of course, that wasn't his dad's fault but yk here we are! Imagine being a child and expecting to be this great ranger, as great as your late father, and then you grow up and suddenly that whole idea is crushed! Ripped away from the palm of your hands!

Sky worked so hard to be the Red Ranger, but it caused arrogance on his part, and just because he had the dedication to SPD and his father was the Red Ranger didn't mean he automatically had rights to the title or position of Red Ranger. Of course, it was sad to see his dream stomped on, failing to live up to the expectation he set for himself and the expectation he might've felt his family held for him because, after all, he was his father's son. Or maybe feeling like he failed to prove himself, because his family were against the idea of him being like his father, due to his father's death in the line of duty. Either way, it is sad, even if he wasn't ready to be the Red Ranger because of his immaturity, arrogance and behaviour! Of course, it was gonna cause issues between him and Jack, Sky is a control freak, maybe because he couldn't control what happened to his father? For all of that to happen, the loss of control and the failure to himself, he was never gonna get along with Jack OR Z at the drop of a hat, because they swooped in with zero training, with powers that he believed were unique to him, Bridge, and Syd, and took over where Sky believed he should rightfully stand.

It isn't an excuse for the way he treated Jack or butted heads with him but it is a reason, and of course, Power Rangers is just a kids show so they wouldn't talk about it, but I talk about it! It shouldn't have been brushed over, and if it was a real-life situation it definitely wouldn't have been. Sky has trauma from his father's passing, and probably has something funky going on with his self-worth, he really did work hard for Red Ranger, and he didn't get it, he's allowed to be disappointed. However, the moral of the story, he REALLY needs to see a therapist (like everyone else on B Squad)! It also might've done him good to talk to the others about it a bit more rather than basically just being seen as an asshole, iirc they might've understood somewhat in the show (?) but I can definitely see them and a lot of other people just brushing Sky off as that arrogant, bratty, child of a Red Ranger with a stick up his ass rather than someone who is a good person underneath all of that and just needs some help.

In the long run though, Sky not becoming the Red Ranger straight away WAS good for him. It taught him how to be a better person, to grow up from that child he still sorta was with stars in his eyes whenever he saw his father on TV saving people (and I can imagine the day his father died, his mother had to turn the news off). And in the end, he did get there, he reached his goal after a lot of good, solid character development and I really really enjoy his character arc! For a Power Rangers series, the SPD B Squad characters, and the other characters around them, have complicated stories and development and I love that so much!!

I'm also a little delusional at the end of the day :D

[realisationanddoubt]

Unleashing repression

I've been putting this off for a little while but apparently I'm mentally healthy enough that I can't repress things as well as I used to. A palpable irony to that. It means that current circumstances have actually affected me far more than I would expect.

It's always exacerbated by relationship issues. That's always the way isn't it. It was supposed to be casual. That's always the way too, huh? We agreed. I checked in so many times and you always agreed it should be casual. You were lying though. I suppose I knew it too. Things were always a little tense. You'd fly off the handle when I spoke to basically anyone but you. You were possessive over me before you ever had a right to be. Yet I pursued. Because I was lonely. Because I enjoyed the physical affection.

It was stupid of me. Of both of us. Everyone I've spoken to about it says it's not my fault. I was clear. I constantly communicated. Yet I saw the red flags and ignored them. You certainly think it's my fault. That I used you. When you seemed ready to actually date I asked you if you wanted to date me and you shot me down.

I don't know where I stand here. It reminds me of my relationship with Nichola in a way but I don't know if I'm over adjusting. You've said some things that have really hurt me. If I choose to discard that as just mean things am I being overly sensitive? Am I being self-centred, only thinking about myself?

It's so easy for me to believe I'm at fault. Therapy hasn't been able to fully take that away. I'm better than I was though. Better at rationalising, at examining. So let's examine.

I'm struggling to think it through properly. It's as if I've put up an emergency wall. Fenced it all in to avoid it. I suppose the first step is to figure out why. I know why the fence is there of course. It's because my self-esteem is too fragile. If I pick at this scab and find that I'm in the wrong it feels like it will confirm everything my past traumas said to me.

I'm not wrong though, am I. Keep going, don't let this train of thought escape you. I make stupid decisions sometimes, everyone does. You're insecurities weren't mine to control though. I saw what I thought to be red flags but it would be arrogant of me to assume it was my duty to control your feelings. I'm not responsible for how you feel just as you aren't for me. No one can control another person to that extent. I know this. I've tried. Far too many times with far too many people. Tried to keep them happy at all cost. Tried to make myself so small, so convenient in a bid to make others lives easier. I didn't this time. To begin with at least. I definitely did towards the end. I faltered. It happens.

It wasn't casual because I only wanted sex. It was casual because you were already with someone. Unhappily of course. Someone you'd told many times you didn't love, told him you were only together for the kids. I couldn't invest in that though. Not again. I couldn't tie myself to someone who would possibly never leave their life for me. I've played that game a million times. After you did leave him I did try to pursue you but then it was too late. Honestly, us being together in any form would have undoubtably been devastating to my mental health. I was more than willing to let you break me down all over again

You did I suppose. I didn't want to get angry or upset with you. I couldn't. Every time we saw one another it was an insight into what I did wrong. That's how it always is I suppose. Never a flurry, just a constant trickle that erodes.

It's almost like the old me vs the new me. The habits of giving in, relenting, trying to change for someone every time they bring up issues is ingrained deeply in me. But I am someone else now too. There's that part of me that can stand up. Tell myself I deserve better than that.

It sets about a sort of crisis. Trying to not people-please. Trying to live up to expectations. The reality is though, you wanted me to be someone I'm not. You wanted me to not display any traits of mental health issues. Not allowed to be depressed because it made you not feel wanted. Not allowed to forget or be impulsive ala ADHD because it made you feel like you didn't know where I stood.

I think that's the crux of it. We could never understand one another. To you anything I did was with malice. You said I only supported you to fuck you despite the fact we were friends for almost 5 years prior to anything happening. Despite the fact it was just a drunken night that we agreed to keep on a casual basis.

I am not broken, cruel, malicious as you often imply. I'm just different. I just think differently. Any time I meet someone with those neurodiverse traits they understand instantly. Hell, even most people who are neurotypical seem to understand my intentions.

I've discussed this with friends but never with myself. I defaulted back to my old crutches. External validation. It's taken me a long time to get any kind of internal validation and it's ok that I struggled to apply validation to myself. This is the first scenario post therapy that has challenged these issues.

I went through this with my mother. With Nichola. Now with you. This insistent that I am wholly responsible for their mood. That it is me that needs to fix it. That I need to tend to all your needs and emotions, I need to make you feel secure, I need to be the one to do it all.

I don't though. Not anymore. It took some time to get here but less than the last two times. I'm getting better. There is nothing to even forgive myself for. I would be mortified at the idea of trying to make someone solely responsible for my emotions and self-worth now. I've been there too.

I continue to improve on myself. I don't yet have that confidence to know when I'm in the right. Or perhaps it would be arrogance to be that sure of myself. I don't even know. But I'm doing better than yesterday. That is all that I can ask of myself.

I tried really hard to consider every point you brought up. Nothing I did was good enough. You always acted as if I wasn't good enough. Talking to you makes me feel like a shitty person. I'm not though. I'm just not. That shouldn't be so hard for me to type.

I persist. Despite mental health issues, despite relationship issues, despite everything I will continue to persist. I matter. I matter to me. I'm worth more than this.

[lykaonimagines]

Be Alright - Stephen Strange x Reader

Paring: Stephen Strange x F!Reader

Word Count: 3,796

Description: Y/N and Stephen run into one another for the first time in years at Christine’s wedding. She’d thought her crush for the man had faded over the years, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Requested by: Anon

Other Things: Slightest bit of angst (very very minimal) but it’s just mostly fluffy.

Warnings: Some swearing.

Masterlist

Sighing as she reached the venue, Y/N forces a smile and adjusts her dress slightly before stepping toward the entrance to accept her wedding program from the man at the door.

She’d rather be nearly anywhere else in the world other than this event. And she’d managed to avoid giving Christine a definite answer on whether she could make it until the last minute. Citing work and someone needing to be on duty at the hospital as an excuse. Yet somehow, Christine had managed to talk someone else on the staff into taking her place for the day to allow Y/N to attend.

They had been friends at one point, practically best friends, and she’d suppose they still were friends distantly. Not that Christine had done anything wrong to deserve Y/N distancing herself. They’d lived together in college as roommates, paired up together by chance on their first day. Both headstrong and ambitious with similar career goals, they’d clicked immediately.

They shared dorms and apartments, a car at one point. They laughed together, cried together, and stuck together through everything. Even somehow managing to snag similar positions at the same hospital together when they graduated.

Then a certain arrogant dark-haired doctor happened.

Charming, frustrating, gorgeous, intelligent, and talented. He’d been intoxicating from the moment she’d first saw him. Their subtle flirting had made her harbor a burning crush for the man. Never knowing if she should push the topic with him, or how if she did.

Before she could even figure it all out, she’d walked in on her friend and Strange kissing one late night shift at the hospital. She played it off well. Jokingly teasing them and leaving the room to give them privacy, but the moment stayed seared in her mind.

It wasn’t Christine’s fault. And it wasn’t Stephen’s. It’s not like she’d told either of them her feelings, and if they wanted something between themselves that was in their right. It was firmly her own problem.

But watching her friend’s tumultuous relationship with said doctor was maddening. That crush never really wore off, and listening to Christine talk about their dates and issues just made her further sink into resentment for her.

So she’d slowly distanced herself from the pair. Certain one day they’d get it figured out, and she couldn’t be that close to watch it. Nor did she want to cause problems for her friend. She wanted them to be happy.

While the two hadn’t worked out, and somehow Strange ended up a superhero, their dynamic had still been odd. A big part of her just assumed they still somehow would fix things.

She even found someone else, and tried to move on from that stupidly persistent crush on a man she hadn’t seen in person for years.

Then the Snap happened. Five years of her life gone in a second. Five years of her career, her relationships, everything.

Luckily she got her job back, and on her first day returning her old friend pulled her into the fiercest of hugs. She’d found out Strange had been dusted as well, and Christine had met and gotten engaged to a new man in that time.

Being torn from her thoughts by colliding into a broad suit covered back, Y/N stumbles back, “Oh excuse me, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

The man in front of her turns to give her a familiar smirk, “Very clumsy today Dr. Y/L/N. But I accept the apology.”

“Doctor Strange?” she asks incredulously, her eyes glancing over him quickly. “What are you doing here?”

“I believe we both know Doctor Palmer,” he chuckles, his hand clutching the program he was holding tightly.

“I just mean… exes and such or… I don’t know,” she sighs. “A lot of shit changes in five years Strange, if you two are comfortable with it, then it’s not my business. I’m just going with the flow.”

“You were dusted?” he asks.

“Yes, and still picking up the pieces.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what? You were dust too. I’d assume you and your Avenger friends didn’t want half the universe to disappear for five years.”

“Few are as accepting of that as you unfortunately,” he says wistfully.

“Maybe some things happen for a reason,” she responds with a shrug. “At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.”

He nods in response, looking lost in thought for moment before directing a smile toward her.

“Sit with me?” He offers suddenly.

“You want to sit with me?” She asks questioningly.

“Yep. I know you, and if we don’t sit together Nic is going to target one of us. Strength in numbers or Russian Roulette on which of us gets stuck with him?” He teases.

“You make a good point Doctor Strange,” she chuckles and accepts the arm he offers her and leads them toward their seats. “He still goes on about you. Can’t say for sure whether he’d sit with me to complain about you or sit with the source.”

“Never been a fan of me.”

“Clearly. I haven’t even spoken to you in years, and he acts like I’ve personally offended him because we used to talk on our breaks. Christine escapes the rants because he feels bad for her.”

“Apologies for leaving such a lasting impression,” he chuckles.

“An impression only you can leave Strange,” she responds before cursing under her breath. “Speak of the devil…”

“And he’ll appear,” Stephen finishes as they wearily eye Doctor West heading towards them.

“Doctor Y/L/N, Doctor Strange,” he greets them, his eyes going between the two before focusing on Y/N. “Would you mind letting me sit there?”

“I- what?” She asks with a furrowed brow.

“Can I have your seat, I’d like to catch up with our friend Doctor Strange here,” he replies, giving Stephen a scathing look.

Noticing the look between the two, Y/N gives him a sweet smile and slides a bit closer to Strange, “I’m sure you two can catch up at the reception Nic, Stephen had already asked me very nicely to accompany him. It would be rude to just ditch him now.”

“Are you serious?” Nic asks, his eyes widening as Stephen’s arm goes across the back of the pew behind Y/N. “You two?”

“Is there an issue Doctor West?” Stephen asks with a big smile. “There are plenty of seats.”

“Yes,” he snaps back unhappily. “But we can talk about it later.”

Casually shooing the man off, Stephen chuckles once he’s out of earshot, “I owe you one.”

“That you do,” she agrees, subconsciously relaxing back against his arm. “I’m not going to hear the end of it.”

The music finally starts to play and the two get to their feet to face the entrance. Feeling Stephen stiffen beside her, she slowly places a hand on his back and rubs deliberate circles in an attempt to soothe him. He slowly relaxes into her touch, some of the tension leaving his body.

When her hand drops from his back, his hand swiftly reaches for hers. It slightly trembles against hers as her fingers curl around his hand and she faces the front for the start of the nuptials.

“And do you Christine, take Charles to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part?”

“I do.”

A subtle shake goes through Stephen at the words, and she finds herself glancing up at him to see his eyes closed. Rubbing the back of his hand, his eyes finally open and he lets out the breath he’d been holding, his eyes dropping to her.

She offers him a small smile that he returns, his grip on her hand tightening slightly.

“It’s going to be alright,” she whispers as she leans into him, her cheek brushing against his arm.

“It’s going to be alright,” he repeats back at her and nods, leaning in to press a swift kiss to the top of her head before the music for their exit begins.

Y/N’s eyes widen at the gesture, slack-jawed as she tries desperately to focus on her friend walking down the aisle with her new husband. Not on a certain doctor’s warm scarred hand in hers. And certainly not on the spread of warmth his kiss had spread through her body.

“Go with me to the reception?” he asks, ducking his head down closer to her.

“Of course,” she nods, her chest tightening at the smile he gives her.

Strange leads them out of the room, tugging her along by their still clasped hands. A fact neither of them seemed to want to mention.

Stepping out into the fresh air he turns to her, “We have two choices. Walk a few blocks to the building the reception is at, or I can portal us there.”

“As fascinating as literal magic is, I think fresh air might be good,” she comments.

“Mhm, good point,” he responds, leading her across the street to get away from the other guests. “It’ll be on this side of the street, and I don’t want to chance Nic joining our walk.”

“How are you feeling?” she asks him after a few minutes of walking in silence, shoulders slightly brushing. “Don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But if you do.”

He sighs deeply and gives her a weary smile, “A wide range of things I can hardly disconcert at the moment. It wasn’t easy, but I’m not feeling nearly as… hopeless as I expected to feel.”

“That’s good, everything takes time. And having five years ripped out from under you to have a new reality shoved in your face isn’t easy.”

He nods in agreement, pulling their hands a little closer to him, “I’ve known for awhile it wasn’t going to work out. Yet I… sort of still held onto something. I suppose today is a new start of sorts.”

After a few more minutes of silence, he finally chuckles, “Is there something on my face? You keep giving me the side-eye.”

“No, nothing like that,” she responds hastily, looking away from him. “You’re just… different than you used to be.”

“Apologies. I’ve had quite a few things change my perspective.”

“I meant it in a good way,” she corrects, his head turning back toward her. “You’ve been through a lot it seems, you’ve done a lot of shit I can barely imagine. And it’s made you who you are today. I haven’t been around you long today, but what I’ve seen, I like who you are. Though I’m glad you didn’t lose your sass.”

He scoffs at her response, but looks at her softly, “That’s just engrained. But.. thank you.”

“Stephen Strange thanking someone? Truly a changed man,” she grins and he reaches out to playfully flick her nose.

“As I was saying, thank you. For the kind words, and for earlier,” he adds with his own grin. “You’ve made this a lot easier than I was expecting it to be. I’m even in a somewhat pleasant mood.”

“Oh that’s going to change when we get up there,” she gestures at the building they finally reached.

“True,” he mutters and leads them inside, heading into the elevator.

They back into a corner as more guests pile in, one man pressing in exceedingly close to Y/N as she shivers uncomfortably.

Stephen quickly puts his free hand up against the back of the elevator and slips his leg in-between Y/N and the man to push him back, giving the man a pointed stare, “Back up.”

The man shuffles further away from them immediately, and Stephen’s attention turns back to Y/N as she chuckles and whispers a thanks to him.

The ride to the 30th floor feels excruciatingly long. Stephen’s body nearly right against her own, his face directed down toward her. She knew there was still something of a crush there, but she’d assumed years of not seeing him had mostly dulled it.

Obviously that was a lie to herself now that she finds herself trying to control her breathing at his closeness and trying not to stare too intently into his blue eyes.

Finally reaching the right floor, Stephen stays locked in place a moment longer than necessary, pulling himself away just before the doors closed behind them again.

Entering into the hall, the two of them look around briefly.

“Food, drinks, and find a quiet corner to wait out the storm?” she asks.

“My exact thoughts.”

Before they can make good on their plan, a joyous Christine spots the two of them and makes a beeline toward them as they both let go of the other’s hand.

“I’m so glad you two could both make it!” Christine greets her and Stephen with a big hug, one arm around each of them. “I really wasn’t sure either of you would show.”

“I- apologize for that,” Y/N responds, her gaze flickering away for a moment. “A lot has happened, I was avoiding answering. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want to be here for you. Congratulations, you look like so happy, and I’m so happy for you.”

“Hun trust me I get it,” she says, gently rubbing her friend’s arm. “After The Snap, and everything with Ben… I wouldn’t have blamed you for not wanting to be at any wedding, regardless of who’s it was. It means a lot to me that you came.”

“Ben?” Stephen asks curiously, looking between the two women.

“An ex,” Y/N responds simply with a shrug, looking embarrassed under his gaze.

Christine grins, looking between the two, “But she is single now. Hint hint Stephen.”

Y/N’s head snaps up, mouth agape as she feels her cheeks seem to set on fire, “Christine!”

“I’m just saying,” she holds her hands up defensively. “I’m just seeing two very single people that I care about hanging out together looking quite cozy… might have put a thought or two in my head.”

Before Stephen can respond, Nic appears beside the trio, “Christine, congratulations.”

“Nic, thank you so much for coming!” Christina says and pulls him into a side hug. “It’s great you could be here.”

“Of course,” he nods and turns toward Y/N and hooks an arm with her. “I was hoping to talk to Doctor Y/L/N though, so I’m going to borrow her for a moment.”

“Well we were still-” Y/N starts to say before Nic pulls her away from the other two and closer to the bar.

“Why didn’t you say you had something going on with Strange?” he asks sternly, all pleasantness from before gone. “I’ve gone on and on about how I feel about that jerk and you never said a word?”

“There’s nothing like that Nic, and I don’t think you’d have taken too kindly to me disagreeing with your statements, you’ve always seemed pissed when you talk about him.”

“Because he’s an asshole Y/N!”

“He’s really not that bad. He’s been quite pleasant today actually.”

“He is that bad, and I thought you were over him.”

“Excuse me?”

“As if no one noticed the puppy eyes you used to have looking at him, and now you’re looking at him like that again. Your best friend’s ex, really Y/N? You should feel ashamed of yourself.”

“I think anything going on in my life or Y/N’s is really none of your business,” a familiar voice cuts in. “And you have no right to judge her for anything you seem to think you know.”

“I think we were having a private conversation, Strange.”

“A private conversation that involved me, and you’re harassing the person you’re speaking to. Back off Nic,” he nearly growls, sliding in closer to Y/N until she can feel him looming over her and his chest against her back.

“You think because you’re the best surgeon then the best superhero you can just talk to people however you fucking want. You’ve always been an arrogant asshole, and you always will be.”

Sighing heavily, Y/N breaks away from the two men and heads toward the balcony door. Snatching a glass of champagne from a waiter’s tray as she goes.

She chooses the corner of the balcony, swirling the liquid in her glass as she stares down at the busy city below.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“If you wish,” she responds, glancing over as Stephen leans against the railing beside her.

“Are you alright?”

“Things haven’t really been alright for awhile if I’m being totally honest,” she admits after a moment. “Nic is just a minor annoyance.”

“About the Ben guy?” he asks.

“Part of it yeah.”

“What happened?”

“I was seeing him when the Snap happened. We’d just moved in together, he’d proposed. We were talking about our future. Then seemingly five seconds later I find out it’s been five years, and he’s married and had a kid. Then my family looks at me nagging me about not having a husband yet, like I’m some old maid that’s rotting away and has just chosen to hide away from the dating world or something. When they saw the invite for this it’s all I heard about for fucking weeks. ‘Oh Christine is getting married, why aren’t you getting married yet? Why aren’t you having babies yet?’ Because I was fucking dead for five years and after all that, no one wants to deal with the kind of schedule I have,” she rants, her hold on the glass in her hand tightening. “Apologies. You asked me a simple question and I ranted.”

“It’s fine,” he says with a soft smile, moving in closer to lightly bump her arm with his, “I can understand. Though I tend to use my schedule as an excuse as to why I shouldn’t even try.”

“I’d imagine saving the world and magic tricks isn’t a 9 to 5 huh?” She asks with an airy laugh.

“Not exactly, luckily I’m used to shit hours,” he responds and slowly lays his hand over hers.

“Become a doctor to train for being a superhero, a very long route there. Though I suppose being able to handle a pressing situation, death, the threat of death, and injuries probably is useful,” her hand turns over slowly in his to connect their palms.

“You look beautiful by the way,” he comments, his eyes sweeping over her dress and his fingers intertwine with hers. “I should have led with that earlier. I’m not great at this.”

“And what is this?” she questions with a raised brow.

Running his thumb over the back of her hand, he stays quiet for a few moments, “An attempt at flirting with an amazing woman. Hoping there’s something to that.”

“Depends on what it is you’re looking for. The casual flirts I’ve been done with for years. And I’m not looking to just hookup.”

“I want to be happy,” he admits as he looks out at the city. “I want someone I connect with, that can accept the life I live and want to be a part of it. Something serious and worth keeping. With someone that can give me shit back and that makes my heart race… I’ve probably had too much to drink already.”

“Nah. Those sound nice, I like the sound of all of that. No games, but lots of playing around,” she says with a wink as he turns his head to look back at her.

“Let me take you on a date?” he asks suddenly. “I’d really like a chance to see where this can go.”

“Are you asking me out at a wedding Stephen?” she teases with a smile over her champagne glass.

“To be fair, I have the bride’s permission. She seem quite enthusiastic to make sure we knew we were both ‘very single.’”

“That she did,” Y/N hums and looks back out at the city. “I’d like that… but I want confirmation on a few things first.”

“Which would be?”

“If this goes further, if you’re not feeling it anymore, you tell me. I don’t want to be dragged along if you aren’t fully serious about it. And two, I know your life is probably complicated, but I don’t want to be left in the dark. Might not be able to tell me literally everything, but I’m not dating a sorcerer and knowing absolutely nothing about what you do all day.”

“I can do both those things,” he nods and smirks at her. “Hell if you want to become a sorcerer yourself…”

“I think I’ll stick with just a surgeon for now, but I won’t close that door,” she laughs and leans into him. “I’ve seen the portal thing on the news, just that alone is cool enough to make me consider it.”

Glancing around them for a moment, he looks back to her with a mischievous glint in his eyes, “So do you want to stay here?”

“You’re suggesting we ditch? Where to?”

“We already did the formalities… I was thinking I could show you the Sanctum. Get some pizza, wine, put on a trash movie?”

“The Sanctum?”

“Old building full of magical relics that I protect. One of a few Sanctums we have.”

“So you’re inviting me on a first date to ditch a wedding and go to your house instead?” She grins. “Aren’t you forward.”

His mouth hangs open for a moment before trying to backtrack, but she quickly presses a finger to his lips, “Pizza and movies at the magic house sounds fantastic. I’m going to need to borrow some clothes though because I can’t chill in this all day.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of comfy stuff you can wear,” he nods. “I can’t wait to get out of this suit anyways. Not used to this anymore.”

“Oh, and since I’ve just been thinking it and haven’t said anything. You look amazing in that suit. Like holy shit. I know that’s going to your ego, but I’ll give you that.”

“I’m glad you approve,” he smirks, pulling out his sling ring and opening a portal to the entrance of the Sanctum.

Y/N’s eyes widen at the magical energy and the opulent foyer on the other side of it, “You live there?”

“I do, Master of the Sanctum,” he winks and takes her hand in his. “And I’m hoping you’re going to get well acquainted with it soon too.”

“Suppose that depends on its master,” she teases.

“It’s master is thinking he’s going to want you around a whole lot.”

----

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[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DARK FATE Yoyaku Tokuten Drama CD ”Urgent ★ The Vampires Ran Out of Money”

Original title: 切実に★お金がないヴァンパイアたち

Source: Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE Yoyaku Tokuten Drama CD

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke, Katsuyuki Konishi, Midorikawa Hikaru, Kaji Yuki, Hirakawa Daisuke, Takashi Kondou, Takahiro Sakurai, Kimura Ryouhei, Tatsuhisa Suzuki, Kishio Daisuke, Morikawa Toshiyuki & Morikubo Shoutaro

Translator’s note: This CD felt really nostalgic for some reason because it offers some quality REIJI SUFFERING HOURS. If there’s one thing which has stuck with me from the early era (HDB/MB) drama CDs, it’s that Reiji almost always got the short end of the stick, haha. While it’s no different here, I can’t help but feel like it’s kind of his own fault. For someone who prides himself over being oh-so smart, maybe it wasn’t clever to mention having savings around 11 Vampires who are clearly desperate for that sweet, sweet cash. 

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Shin: Haah…

*Flip*

Shin: Damn…This is looking pretty bad…Haah…Ugh. At this rate, we’ll…

Carla: Shin. …What have you been mumbling about this whole time?

Shin: Ahー Nii-san. You see, we’ve run into some trouble you see…

Carla: Trouble? Is your heart aching because I haven’t been attempting to murder you as of late? 

Shin: No. I’m definitely not complaining about that part…

Carla: Then what is it? Tell me. I might just offer you my advice. 

Shin: Eh? Eeeh…But I feel like you’re not the right person to ask in this case…

Carla: Who do you think I am? 

Shin: Who? I mean…The King of Founders…and my older brother.

Carla: Exactly. It is your duty to report everything to me, without hiding any details. Now, ell me. 

Shin: Hm…Actuallyーー We’ve run out.

Carla: Run out of what? Be more specific.

Shin: Money! We’re all out of money!

Carla: Money? 

Shin: Here, take a look at this bill. It displays all of our spendings for this month. They’re through the roof because you keep on buying things like whole legs of cured ham or weird abstract paintings behind my back!

Carla: No need to get so upset, Shin. I needed all of those things.

Shin: Necessary? I don’t believe that. I’ll give you a pass on the cured ham, but can you truly say the same about that painting which looks like a child went ham with their crayons doodled a bunch of pasta noodles on a blank canvas!? 

Carla: If I deem it necessary, then it is. 

Shin: Ugh…I figured you’d say that, hence why I didn’t want to bring it up. Anyway, we’ll need to come up with a way to make money. 

Carla: Can’t we have the masses donate to us? Have you tried asking Mertz to hand some over?

Shin: I’ve long tried that. I’m not sure if he knows I’m trying to ask for money, but he’s been completely ignoring my messages.

Carla: Then why don’t we make it easy on ourselves and just take it from random people around these parts? 

Shin: But if we choose the criminal path, we won’t be able to move freely around in the human world, will we? …Oh, right! I guess those guys would be an option!

Carla: The Sakamaki and Mukami family? If I recall correctly, Karlheinz has infiltrated this world and has been dabbling in politics alongside his connection with the Church. 

Shin: Yup, exactly. I heard he’s pretty stacked. …Heh. It shouldn’t be an issue then. It’s settled then. Let’s have those guys provide us with money. 

Shin gets up. 

Shin: Time is money! I’ll go give them a visit right away. 

Carla: I shall come with you as well.

Shin: Eh? No need to bother, really…

Carla: I cannot imagine they will simply hand over the money. If I am there as well, it should have at least somewhat of an impact. It is for the sake of my cured ham and paintings, therefore I have no other choice. 

Shin: Seems like you don’t want to give those up, no matter what, Nii-san…

*TIMESKIP*

*Flip flip* 

Reiji: Haahー … We’re cutting it close again this month as well. I suppose we spent a little too much. No, that’s not the problem. It’s all because of all the unnecessary repair costs we had to pay to have the manor fixed. Good grief…

Ayato: Reiji. 

Reiji: The answer is no. 

Ayato: But I haven’t even asked anything yet!? 

Reiji: I know exactly what you’ll ask of me. I bet you’re here to pester me for cash, correct? Either way, the answer stays no. …Well, I suppose it would be more accurate to say I cannot.

Ayato: Che…You stingy Four-Eyes!

Reiji: Oh my, are you sure you can afford to throw such insults at my head? May I remind you that I am the one who monitors the money of this family? 

Ayato: Che…What’s your problem!? I’m all out of money to buy takoyaki tomorrow. Can’t you lend me a lil’? 

Reiji: What part of ‘no’ do you not comprehend? Or rather, I cannot give you something which I do not have. 

Kanato: Reiji! Do you have a second? 

Reiji: Kanato, you too…Wha!? 

Laito: Nfu~ Actually, I’m here too!

Subaru: You can’t blame us, can you!? 

Shuu: If you’re handing out money, I’ll take some as well. 

Reiji: How do you guys think the economy works!? I gave all of you pocket money a mere three days ago, didn’t I!? 

Laito: The amount you gave us wasn’t nearly enough! I went on a couple of days with some girls and poof, it’s all gone!

Kanato: Exactly. I could barely buy any sweets with it.

Subaru: It was clearly too little. 

Shuu: Yes, exactly. You should just hand us the goods already. Hurry up. 

Reiji: No. ーー Or rather, we’re all out of money for this month. 

Ayato: Aah…!? Don’t be lyin’ to us! We know that you’re still hidin’ some!

Reiji: That would be my personal money. I’ve been setting some of my gainings aside each month and I shall not be sharing any of it with you guys, obviously. 

Subaru: Haah!? Fuck off! You’re tryin’ to live the good life all by yourself, aren’t you!? 

Reiji: You can try and threaten me all you want. If you want money that badly, why not ask Father for some instead of me? 

Shuu: Haah…The Old Man, huh?

Ayato: …!! 

Kanato: Laito. You go and ask Father for money. 

Laito: Haah!? Why me!? …As my older brother, it’s your duty to do that, isn’t it?

Kanato: …!! I-I don’t want to! As if I ever could!

Subaru: Just so you know, I’m not doin’ it either!

Reiji: Well, there you have it, so why not simply give up? If you upset Father, he might just send you to Mars for real this time. 

*Ding・dong* 

Reiji: Hm? A visitor? Was someone coming over today?

*TIMESKIP*

Shin: …And there you have it. Now give us the money. 

Reiji: You are catching me quite by surprise but…I do not see why we would need to lend you money? 

Subaru: Exactly. I mean, if we could go and hand it out for free, we wouldn’t be strugglin’ so much ourselves. 

Carla: What do you mean by that? 

Laito: Haah…In short, our family is just as short on cash as yours is. 

Ayato: Exactly! You can’t get noodles from a stone!

Kanato: Ayato, you idiot. It’s ‘soda’, not ‘noodles’. (1)

Carla: What a bunch of fools… 

Shin: Honestly, I don’t care but maybe you shouldn’t be telling lies? Who do you think you’re dealing with, huh? We’re respectable Founders, remember? Do you understand that? 

Reiji: They’re not lying. It’s the truth. Our current savings are non-existent. I almost want to show you our bank extracts, honestly. 

Carla: Sakamaki Tougo is portrayed as a wealthy individual, is he not? It does not take a genius to figure that one out. Don’t underestimate us. 

Shuu: You’re the one making a big mistake by assuming that we’re rich just because the Old Man is. 

Ayato: Yeah! That Shitty Old Man…He’s makin’ that sweet, sweet cash but he won’t even share a single penny with us! 

Kanato: Exactly…! I’ve heard that children from other wealthy families sometimes get up to one million yen for New Year’s. Yet we still have to do with only three thousand! Uuu…Uuuu~  (2)

Shin: …A-Are you…for real? 

Subaru: Dead serious. 

Carla: …!

Shin: Nii-san, what now? We’ve barked up the wrong tree. I feel like we shouldn’t expect too much from the Mukami family either at this rate…

Carla: We cannot know for sure until we ask. They were born and raised as humans, so perhaps they are skilled at saving money. 

Ruki: …What is this about us? 

The Mukami’s arrive to the scene. 

Kou: Hey there, my fellow Vampire comrades~

Subaru: The fuck’s you guys’ problem…? Whatcha all flockin’ together here for!? 

Yuma: Let’s say we’ve got a serious situation goin’ on.  

Azusa: We didn’t actually want to but…Ruki said that we have no other choice but to come and ask for it all together…

Laito: Heeh~? You’re here to ask something from us? How unusual. 

Ruki: Kou had the glorious idea to burn through our family’s entire budget.

Kou: I didn’t have any ill will! There just so happened to be a couple of things I really wanted…Whoopsie~

Yuma: ‘Whoopsie’, my ass! Ya better don’t believe that’ll get ya away with it!

Reiji: …! Don’t tell me…You guys are having money issues as well? 

Ruki: ‘As well’, you say? Don’t tell me…Are the two Tsukinami’s here to beg you for money as well? 

Carla: Do not put it in such a vulgar way. We are Founders. In other words, you Vampires are obligated to submit to us. We came here to have you bow down to us and offer everything you have. 

Azusa: So in other words…You’re trying to blackmail them? 

Shin: We’re not! We’ve already made our point!

Ruki: Who cares about that. Reiji. You get the gist of the situation now so…Would you be so kind to share some money with us? 

Reiji: Good grief…As I already explained to the two gentlemen over there earlier, I am afraid that we cannot offer something we do not have. 

Ruki: You don’t? Is that true? Don’t you guys get showered in money by Karlheinz-sama? 

Ayato: No way. 

Laito: I guess you could say it’s part of his educational approach, but he believes that children should learn how to be mindful with money. (3)

Shin: Nii-san, what are we gonna do now? Seems like the Mukami’s are all out of money too. 

Carla: …

Yuma: Ahー Guess we’ve got no other no other choice but to work, huh? 

Reiji: Exactly. If we get a daytime job, we should be able to save up enough money to get through our everyday lives. Speaking of which…Kou, you have a job, don’t you? 

Shuu: Now that you mention it. You’re an idol, aren’t you? 

Carla: An idol…Which means you’re actually fairly rich? 

Kou: J-Just so we’re all on the same page on this, but like what was mentioned, I blew through all my money so I no longer have anything!

Subaru: Smells fishy to me. I bet this guy is actually loaded on cash despite what he’s sayin’. 

Kou: S-Subaru-kun! Don’t put weird ideas into everyone’s head! Besides, if I did have secret savings, I would have long revealed them! It’s pure humiliation to have to bow our heads to you guys like this! 

Ayato: Which means we’ve really got no other choice but to work, huh? 

Kanato: I’m against the idea! Not in a million years will I work!

Shin: You say that but you’ve got no other choice, do you? We’ll wait, so you guys hurry up and go make us some money through working, okay?

Subaru: Ah? I think you’re gettin’ the wrong idea here. Even if we do earn some money through workin’, we’re not gonna lend it to you fuckers.

Carla: Like I previously stated, it is your duty to hand over your money to us.

Ayato: Idiot! Like we give a damn ‘bout that!

Carla gets upset.

Ayato: …Y-You don’t have to get that angry, do you?

Carla: You fiend…Try repeating yourself one more time. What was that you said just now?

Ayato: W-Well…

Shin: …!! A-Ayato! Take your statement back right now! Or do you want this manor to get blown to bits!? 

Reiji: Blown to bits!? Excuse me, Ayato! Do you have any idea how much it’ll cost to have the manor rebuilt from scratch!? Apologize at once!

Ayato: Ugh…My bad…

Carla: …Oh well, I suppose I can let it slide. In return, come and bring us the money at once. Do you understand? 

Shuu: Good grief…This is what we have to deal with, huh? So, what are we gonna do now? Just so you don’t, I don’t want to work. 

Subaru: I’m not workin’ either.

Laito: I mean, me neither but what are we gonna do about our money issues? 

Kanato: Can’t Reiji just hand over his savings? 

Reiji: I figured you’d say that. However, like I mentioned earlieーー

Ruki: If you have any savings left, give them to us. 

Yuma: Anyway, why would ya first claim to be all out when you’ve actually got some savings put aside? If ya the money to us, it’ll solve all problems. 

Kou: Ahー Geez, I actually was seriously worried for nothing.£

Azusa: Hey, Reiji-san…You’ll give us the money, right? 

Everyone stares at Reiji intensely

Reiji: …!? Excuse me…? Why are you staring at me like that!? …Let me inform you just in case, but trying to force me to pay will not work. I will not give in to your threats. 

Carla: Then we simply do not resort to coercion, correctly? All we need to do is make it so you will gladly hand us the money. 

Ruki: I see. I suppose we have that option. What a genius idea. 

Reiji: D-Do not be ridiculous! What on earth makes you believe I will want to do that?

Shin: I wonder? We won’t know until you try, right? 

Reiji: …W-What are you planning to do!? 

*Rustle* 

Shuu: …Reiji, let me give you a shoulder massage. 

Reiji: …!? 

Shuu: Don’t be modest now. 

Ayato: Reiji! I’ll feed you this takoyaki I’ve got over here! Come on, open wide! ‘Aaahn!’

Reiji: …N-No thank you!

Kou: Hmm~ In that case, I rarely ever give someone such a treat but I’ll perform the currently number-one popular idol song live for you! 

Reiji: No, no, no! Please don’t sing!

Yuma: Geez…Ya give me no other choice. Ya can have as many of the summer vegetables from my field as ya want. Totally free!

Reiji: That does sound tempting…No, no, if anything, you should sell those vegetables to make money yourself. 

Yuma: Nah, I’ll only get some small change for it.

Ruki: Then how does this sound? I shall cook for you using Yuma’s vegetables. 

Reiji: I prefer cooking myself rather than eating!

Laito: Then how about this? I’ll wash your back for you~!

Reiji: Please don’t even suggest something so creepy! …Ah, god!

*Thud* 

Reiji: You guys can say whatever you want, but I’m not giving you any of my savings! End of the story!

Kanato: E-Excuse me!? Where are you going!? 

Reiji: Away from you lot. 

Azusa: No…You can’t. 

Reiji: Mukami Azusa…Move aside at once. 

Azusa: No, I won’t move. Hey…Please listen to my request? If you do, you can hit me all you want. Okay? 

Reiji: Wha…!? Y-Your request…? I bet you also want to ask for money, correct? Besides, I fail to see what I would gain from this deal. Isn’t getting hit basically your hobby?

Azusa: It isn’t.

Reiji: …!? Then what is it!? 

Azusa: My life? 

Shin: That suddenly got deep. 

Reiji: Whatever. Just please step aside. Iーー

Carla puts his hand on Reiji’s shoulder. 

Carla: You are not getting away. 

Reiji: …!! What do you want, Carla? Get your hand off me. 

Carla: I am afraid you will have to sacrifice you for the sake of my cured ham and painting collection! …Shin!

Shin: Roger~! 

*Rustle* 

Shin: Now behave, okay? 

*Rustle* 

Reiji: …!? W-What are you going to do!? 

Carla: Of course, I would have loved to be able to refrain from resorting to such extreme measures. However, none of this would have happened if you would have simply given us the money right away. 

Reiji: Hah? 

Carla: Oi, you lot! Do not stand there spacing out but help out!

Shuu: Haah…What a drag. But I guess it can’t be helped. It’s for the greater good…I don’t want to have to give up on my CDs either. 

Ayato: Yeah. …Reiji. Don’t take it personally, ‘kay? 

*Thud* 

Kanato: It’s for my sweets, so I’m sure you can understand, right? 

*Thud* 

Laito: I’ve got a couple of dates planned out already as well, so you leave me no other choice~ 

*Thud* 

Subaru: Maybe you shouldn’t have been so stingy, huh? 

*Thud* 

Reiji: …!? Y-You guys…! Aren’t you embarrassed, letting those Founders order you around like that!? 

Ruki: We haven’t become their loyal servants, really. We simply…Right.

*Thud* 

Ruki: Share a mutual interest right now. 

Reiji: …!! Ruki, even you…

Kou: Don’t worry~! We won’t hurt you…!

*Thud* 

Yuma: Hehehe…Now we’re talkin’...

*Thud* 

Azusa: Reiji-san…Are you ready…?

*Thud* 

Reiji: …! Kuh…C-Cut it out!

Carla: It is not too late to change your mind just yet. Well then, will you give us the money? 

Reiji: …Y-You’re playing it dirty! I am not the type of guy who will give in to these kinds of threats! Please do not underestimate me!

Shin: I guess our negotiations end here then. 

Carla: You leave me no other choice…You lot! Do it!

Reiji: …! S-Stop…!

They all start tickling Reiji simultaneously. 

Reiji: Excuse me…W-What are you…? Ahahahaha…!

Shuu: It’s your own fault for not simply giving us the money right away.

They continue tickling him. 

Reiji: Wait…Stoーー...! It tickles…! Hahaha…Ahahaha…! …I can’t…! I swear…!

Subaru: Ah, damnit! Just throw in the towel already!

Reiji: My god…I really can’t…Ahahaha! …You lot! I can’t believe you’d resort to this…!

Kou: Ah~ Come on, just say you give up already~ 

Reiji: …Fine! I understand! Please, just stop already! I’m begging you!

Yuma: What do you mean? …Take this!

Reiji: I’ll share the money…That’s all you want from me, right!? 

Carla: Good grief…Was that truly worth all the trouble? You should have simply given it to us from the very start. 

Reiji: Haah, haah…I never thought it’d come to this…Good grief…You lot are unbelievable… 

Shin: Well then. You better hurry up and show us the money. You don’t want a repeat of that, do you? 

Reiji: Che…

Reiji goes to fetch the money. 

*Rustle rustle* 

*Cling* 

*Clunk* 

*Creaaaak* 

*Rustle* 

He returns. 

*THUD*

Reiji: …Now you have no more complaints, correct? 

Ayato: Woah! You’re stacked…! When did you save up all of this money? 

Reiji: …I’ve been carefully setting some money aside each time, while all of you were too busy spending it recklessly. Good grief. This is horrible. It’s always the honest people who get the short end of the stick. 

…Oh well, I suppose it’s fine. I suppose you are all in debt with me right now, so please, go ahead and use this money as you see fit. 

Shuu: Is that sarcasm I smell there? …Oh well, guess I’ll borrow some. 

Carla: …!

*Smack* 

Shuu: Ah…

Carla: Who gave you permission to take some of that money? 

Shuu: What do you mean? 

Shin: This amount of money will barely even cut it to buy Nii-san’s cured ham, so we’ll be taking all of it. 

Ruki: Excuse me? 

Carla: If you have a problem with that, I shall gladly be your opponent. 

Ayato: Haah!? 

Subaru: So you wanna throw fists, huh!? 

Ruki: Yuma. It’s time for plan B.

Yuma: Roger! …Oi, Azusa. 

Azusa: Mmh. I know. 

*Rustle* 

Azusa: Carla-san. Shin-san. We won’t let you do with that money as you please. Well then, Kou, Yuma, Ruki…Hurry up and take the money!

Azusa becomes a shield for them.

*Rustle* 

Shin: E-Excuse me…!? What are you doing? 

*Rustle* 

Ruki: My bad, but we’re taking this cash. 

Carla: Che. Seems like you four do not value your own life. 

*BZZZZT*

Azusa takes the hit. 

Azusa: …Ugh! Uu…Haah, haah…

Carla: Excuse me!? He withstood my attack…!? 

Ruki: My bad, Azusa! We’ll see each other at the meeting place later!

Kou: Don’t push yourself too much, okay, Azusa-kun!? 

Yuma: See ya!

The other three Mukami’s run away.

Azusa: Don’t…worry…I love…the pain after all…Haah…~  …Come on, Carla-san. More…! Fire more of those at me…!!

Carla: …!!

Kanato: …H-Hold up!! The money…!! They took all of it with them!

Reiji: …Come again!? When did they…!? I didn’t notice because I was too busy looking at Carla. 

Shuu: Haah…What a drag. Why did it turn out like this? Don’t you think it’s because you guys were trying to be too greedy? 

Carla: Hmph! That money was mine from the very start, so this isn’t an issue of being greedy or not. 

Ayato: It’s a lost case. There’s no talkin’ with this dude. 

Carla: Oi, Shin! Chase after them!

Shin: Yeah, yeah, I know. Or rather, if you would simply give up on your cured ham and those weird paintings, we wouldn’t even need money…

Azusa attempts to stop him. 

*Thud* 

Azusa: Wait, Shin-san! You have to defeat me first…!

Shin: Ah, god! You better stay away from me, you freaky masochist! 

Shin runs away. 

Laito: Hey, what are we gonna do now? 

Kanato: I’m exhausted…I’ll simply content myself with the sweets I still have in the cupboard. I can’t picture myself chasing after them. 

Laito: Right? When I think about it…It’s not like I’m that desperate to go on a date with girls other than Bitch-chan. 

Ayato: Me too. I can just have Chichinashi make me free takoyaki instead, right? 

Shuu: Haah…I guess it’s obvious the same goes for me. Pwaah…I’m sleepy. 

*Thud* 

Subaru: Damnit…! The fuck’s this shit…

Ayato: By the way, Subaru…Why did you even want money to begin with? 

Subaru: W-Well…You know…I figured I’d upgrade my coffin a lil’ here and there…

Reiji: Good grief…I suppose your situations weren’t nearly as pressing as the Mukami family’s. Haah…Oh well. You lot try to abstain from your luxuries for once, understood? …Oh. 

Carla: …

Reiji: You are still here? 

Carla: Hmph. You have some nerve to say that, you commoner. I shall stay here until Shin returns. 

*Rustle* 

Reiji: Good grief, you truly are unbelievable…Why not simply give up on your cured ham and painting collection? 

Carla: I shall give up on the latter. I could never buy them with that little money anyway. 

Reiji: Hmph. But it seems that the cured ham is something you cannot give up? 

Carla: It is my favorite food after all. 

Reiji: Ahー Well…If that’s the case, I suppose you really need the money just as badly as the Mukami family does. 

Carla: Hmph. 

Reiji: Ahーah…I suppose I will have to start saving up again. This time, I suppose I will not mention it to anyone and keep it my own little secret. 

ーー THE END ーー 

Translation notes

(1) This short back-and-forth between Ayato and Kanato is all based on a language pun around the Japanese proverb: ない袖は振れない’ which literally means ‘you can’t shake a sleeve you don’t have’ and refers to being unable to give what one does not have themselves. Ayato gets things mixed up and says そば (soba / soba noodles) instead of 袖 (sode / sleeve). Kanato then promptly ‘corrects’ him by stating that it’s ソーダ (soda) instead. Of course, both of them are equally incorrect. I struggled to translate this part quite a bit, but I eventually settled with the English provide ‘you can’t get blood from a stone’ since it was the easiest to replace one noun for another in that one. 

(2) ¥1,000,000 and ¥3,000 are approximately 10,000 and 30 USD respectively. 

(3) Laito refers to the concept of ‘Honorable poverty’ (清貧), coined by the Japanese philosophist Suzume, who believes in the dangers of excess consumption and waste.

[hitemwiththeoop]

i feel i should expand my explanations as this post got more notes. Firstly i must say that im okay with people disagreeing with me and replying! Its all really good. And before anyone says it, yes, i know the animation is still there to watch. That doesn't mean i can't talk about what i disliked about the live action, that said…

What bothered me about mai and ty lee is how they lacked any personality besides praising azula and being around her. If they were going to show them 1st season, they could've involved them in the omashu conquer scene at least in the end. They basically just stood there by azula's side telling her she was perfect and deserved the throne blabla and just that??

i agree that in the end the result of the agni kai didn't change, but the whole scene of him refusing to fight showed that zuko was in the end a scared child that wouldn't dare raise his hand let alone his fist against his father. They took the utter feat he felt in that scene away, fear that made him unable to fight ozai at all. In the end it worked out, but ozai burning zuko despite the fact he refused to fight and knelt in fear before him was what made him look as the horrible father he was

i wouldn't say ozai was really a good dad, but they definitely tried to portray him as more favoring over zuko, if only to push azula to become better, making the whole banishment thing seem useless because why would he pray his shame of a son and use that to make his sister, who's supposed to be a prodigy and better than him, strive to become greater. Not to mention that comment he made criticizing her “whispers” and disguising her true intentiond against her brother by aiding zhao. Ozai sparing the unit zuko talked in defense of as well. It was all so odd

and while the cave of two lovers lore may be nitpicking, i hated how their attempt of queer inclusion was to change a canon fact instead of using already existing canon queer relationships. I was sincerely expecting them to mention rangi as she was a fire nation lieutenant appart from being kyoshi's girlfriend. Besides, seeing how they decided to include comic lore, they could've included mingxia or idk. That's really my opinion

Now, what bothered me about the avatars “bullying” aang is that the whole point of being the avatar, as the show explains, is being compassionate and forgiving as well as firm, and that no avatar is free of blame and all have made mistakes in their lifetimes. The short of escape from the spirit world shows that, in the end, they're human, so i don't think they'd criticize aang so vehemently because they wouldn't really have much a right to do so, and they'd be understanding that he was a kid and he was afraid, THEN they'd tell him that he should atone for his mistake, not just “this is all your fault don't try to run away from your duty again -threatens him with their power-", they all just came across as insensitive and ruthless saying that the avatar should be a warrior and do what it takes, like killing, but never the advice they gave him in the show about the importance of justice, decisiveness, activeness and duty. They’re literally like well life's hard suck it up crybaby

i personally didn't like they excluded aang from the cave of two lovers part, though i guess i understand they had time issues and it appears they want to keep his and katara's relationship vague, which makes me wonder how they're gonna handle it in the future

i agree with sokka and katara's dynamic change. really bad move.

as for june, what bothered me about her flirting it was that it was most likely made to make iroh not look like a “pervy old man”, as he was the one flirting with her in the show and they showed she wasn't really into it. Instead of directly taking away the flirting from the scene, they made HER be the one to do it. It felt so forced that he made it more than once

i did like kyoshi island's arc and up until the omashu ep i was buying it, then it all became a shitshow for me. like i said before, of course people are free to disagree with me and i'm okay with reading your replies, go for it!

dont even get me started on how they reduced mai and ty lee as blind followers of azula that showered her with praise. or how they made zuko look like her example to follow when it was his banishment that made azula look down on him. or how they randomly tried to show ozai's care for zuko and a bit of a soft spot or care for his family. or how they made zuko fight him when the point of the scar scene was that he got it because he refused to fight his own father.

better yet, i could begin talking of how they took away katara's maternal attitude because it wasn't “fitting” for a girl her age and instead gave the role to sokka, who angrily tells her to grow up at one point, when it originally showcased the effects of the loss of her mother by trying to assume the position she left empty, while in the original show sokka did the same trying to fill hakoda's absence.

let's also talk about how they made hakoda look horrible when he criticised sokka's actions behind his back instead of supporting him with the idea of improvement to instead make ozai look like a better father. Or hey, wait, the scenes where everyone keeps blaming aang for having “abandoned” (even kyoshi) the world for some freaking reason???

suki head over heels for sokka right off the bat and stalking him around. june incessantly flirting with iroh. the whole cave of two lovers lore completely butchered. the omission of plot points to give priority to unnecessary scenes. the avatars being a bunch of a*holes that bully aang instead of guiding him. that random miniplot of roku with the small replica of the mother of faces????

what a ride

[rhaenyradelights]

Something that's bothering me with the characterization on the show; they've made much of Rhaenyra's arc chafing at the constraints of her gender and had her explicitly voice a fear of pregnancy and childbirth only for that fear to go away without the show really addressing it?

Apart from because it's in the book, why are Rhaenyra and Daemon having so many kids? Both him and Rhaenyra already have 5 kids between them, Daemon doesn't seem particulary interested in kids and also doesn't need a male heir and Rhaenyra already has hers. Yet Rhaenyra has spent the last 6 years being pregnant and recovering from pregnancy? I could see them having one kid just because it's proper but 2 more?

We also know that Rhaenyra is aware of moon tea it's not like they need to abstinente because Rhaenyra is fertile af apparently.

It's not a big deal, however why make that an issue in the first place if it's gonna get dropped in the back half of the season?

i think this is where the time skips to a disservice to this sort of thing... we don't know that it's being dropped as an issue, but we are left to infer a lot from small moments, so i see how you feel this. i think rhaenyra's fear of childbirth probably eased as she went through several labors successfully, we haven't seen her struggle with that (yet) and she clearly loves her children, so with each successful delivery, the ghost of her mother's urgency probably fades. BUT a huge part of childbirth for rhaenyra is that she DOES still consider it her battlefield. having children with harwin was a small way she could assert her independence and rebellion... heirs are her duty but those children are Hers even when it causes issues.

as for why she is still having so many children with daemon... firstly, they both had issues with children/childbirth with partners that weren't of their choosing. nyra didn't want to be sold off like a broodmare and daemon's obsession with valyrian blood means he wasn't about to start procreating with just anyone. but he had children with laena that (although we don't see it in the show so far lmao) he does care for, and episode eight gives us plenty of small moments that show they are both invested and (for westerosi standards) good parents. rhaenyra is currently in a relationship that she waited ten years for, with the person that told her sex was a pleasure (yes, that was a grooming tactic but that exists in their dynamic), making a family of Pure Targaryen blood. it suits them both to continue to have children because a) they clearly enjoy having sex (rip) b) their children are all Furthering The Pure Targaryen Line which is the whole point and c) the more kids they have, the more they bolster their claim, ensure their legacy, and provide opportunities for alliances, intermarriages, etc etc, all strategic necessities in an uncertain feudal state.

basically we don't see any moments of their marriage and they really do NOT give nyra quiet moments of interiority that don't affect the plot so we can't say that her fear is gone (and this will 100000% come up again, maybe even in episode 10 depending on the pacing), and childbirth will continue to manifestly affect her life in a huge way. we can't judge that based on two episodes that haven't spent time with her. she also is in completely different circumstances, settled and married to the person she was seeking her whole life, now focused on shoring up power, safety, influence, and legacy. having children is the surest way for rhaenyra to accomplish basically all of her goals, and i do think both she and daemon love all their children, although im ASKING to SEE IT. we'll definitely get more fear but i don't think it's a fault in characterization that her circumstances and accompanying attitude have shifted. that's what happens when you have three partners and sixteen years pass.

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding XXIV

Part I - - - - - - - - - - Part XXI - - - - Part XXII - - - - Part XXIII

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Ahsoka watched normal space slip away with a numb sort of disbelief.

Somehow she couldn’t quite accept that her Masters would actually—she felt small and selfish to even think that this was them abandoning her, considering Obi-Wan’s life might—but still—she was rapidly exiting the inner-rim and Obi-Wan and Skyguy were...somewhere else. Even after breaking orbit, she had childishly half-expected one of them to jump out with a wild explanation of how the whole thing was a huge misunderstanding, or a crazy scheme—or—some kind of explanation. And now she was back in hyperspace, on her way back to the front, alone. Master Skywalker’s presences felt closed off, and far-away—she hadn’t even sensed Master Kenobi on Coruscant.

She hadn’t even gotten to see him...

She was startled out of her slowly sharpening melancholy by the sudden clasp of a hand on her shoulder.

“You alright there, Commander?” Rex asked softly. Ahsoka stiffened her spine. Right, Obi-Wan and Anakin hadn’t just disappeared on her—she wasn’t actually alone, and she had a duty to the men who were here.

“Just thinking about crushing some Clankers,” she replied over-brightly. “How’s the Resolute holding up?”

“Same hiccup with gravity in the kitchens during the jump—it seems they didn’t have time to actually fix the issue when we were in dock, but we were prepared for it so it wasn’t too messy,” Rex replied, hands falling into a loose grip behind his back as slipped into his ‘Captain Reporting’ voice. “A few odd issues with our communications systems, but I’ve got men on it; I’m told it’s nothing to worry about, and should be back to normal by tomorrow. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

Ahsoka nodded. “And the troops?” she asked lightly.

Rex was silent for a moment. “Perhaps we should speak somewhere more private,” he responded finally. 

“Of course.”

She followed him from the observation port to an unused briefing space a few decks down, cheerfully greeting each vod they passed, all of whom radiated relief at the sight of the familiar Jedi commander. Another pang of guilt passed through her. She should have already been greeting the men, not wallowing in self-pity. They knew even less than she did about their missing Generals. She had to be more of Jedi than usual, not less. What would Skyguy think of her moping? What would Master Kenobi—

She smiled at another passing group, one of whom she recognized as a Snow Wolf. 

“Commander Tano!” he cried. “We had heard rumors—” Another soldier shut him up with an elbow to the gut. 

Ahsoka smiled harder. “At ease, Mit,” she said, relieving him from his hasty salute. “I know there’s rumors flying around about, ah, General Skywalker’s and General Kenobi’s special assignment, but I’m sorry to say that you guys aren’t getting rid of me that easily.”

Mit and the others chuckled briefly at the admittedly weak joke.

“Rex and I have to be off now but It’s a long flight to the Expansion Zone; I’m sure I’ll see your faces again,” she said with a snappy two-fingered salute, striding off before they could work up the courage to ask any follow-up questions. 

“As you were,” Rex ordered, and the Captain and Commander continued on their way.

Finally they stepped into the quiet room, door snapping shut. Ahsoka composed herself for a moment, plastering on a confident smile before turning to face Rex.

“What did you want to talk about, Captain?” she asked, falling backwards into a seat and looking up at the Captain with careful casualness.

Rex pulled off his helmet. His expression cracked Ahsoka in half.

“You don’t have to do that with me, Commander Tano. I know General Kenobi’s not on a mission,” he said quietly, voice as sad as his eyes. “Cody and I—and I think Waxer, we’re the only vode who’ve been read in on...what Kenobi tried to do.”

She looked away from that pitying, pitiful gaze, eyes suddenly burning. 

“The last direct news I got was more than two days ago,” she finally said, giving up on the act and slumping forward as Rex set his helmet gently on the table. “Skyguy called me to ask a bunch of weird question and told me...you know. I felt Master Kenobi’s presence earlier this—kriff this was just this morning...” she trailed off.

“Language,” he corrected automatically. She chuckled wetly and absently pulled out a chair for him with a wave of her hand. He settled into it stiffly.

“I found out the night of,” Rex admitted. “They called Cody to ask about—about possible toxins. I think they were just searching for any kind of explanation. They let me visit him yesterday—”

Ahsoka hunched further and Rex paused for a moment before continuing awkwardly.

“It just looked like he was sleeping—healers said he was physically doing fine, so. I’m not a medic, but he’s definitely really well cared for.” Rex cleared his throat. “In terms of General Skwalker, I, uh, got a message from him the night before it happened about something completely unrelated, then nothing for three days, then a message before dawn this morning saying he had to ‘step down due to personal failures’ and he ‘trusted me to lead the 501st in his stead.’ Wrote that he needed to ‘earn his current rank.’” 

Ahsoka’s head snapped up, intense focus charging the room. Rex let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“I commed him right back, and he said that it was ‘partially about Obi-Wan, but more about past wrongdoing’. He apologized for abandoning me and the rest of the 501st, but told me he had to work on ‘his judgement’ before he could trust himself to act as General. The official memo about their temporarily absence from the command structure, for ‘undisclosed reasons’ came out about 5 minutes after we talked. Along with the promotion of Krell and General Tiin.”

“He messaged you this morning? He stepped down voluntarily?” she asked, feeling betrayed all-over again. “What the kriff?”

“Did he—he told me he was planning on comming you once you were closer to Coruscant...” he asked, looking at her hesitantly.

She let out a frustrated snarl, chair falling to the ground with a clatter as she began pacing the room. “Well he didn’t!” she ranted, attempting to stalk off her frustration. “Something more must have happened, and the council doesn’t want us to know what! What you saw on the loading dock was all the information anyone gave me! For all I know they’re both dead!”

Rex inhaled sharply and the padawan attempted to backtrack her words. “No, I don’t mean that, I can sense Skyguy he’s just—distant.”

“But you can’t sense General Kenobi,” he said grimly. 

“I don’t have a direct training bond with him,” she replied severely. “And he’s good at shielding, and he’s usually—it’s not like he’s the loudest Jedi, you know?”

“You said you felt his presence this morning?” he pressed. “General Tiin and Krell did too, I think. Tiin seemed relieved at first but then—”

“He disappeared,” Ahsoka said quietly. “It’s like he reached out and then—it wasn’t even like letting go he just stopped.”

“Krell said he died,” the Captain reported matter-of-factly.

Ahsoka flinched. “There are—there’s other explanations. He might have just pulled up his shields really abruptly. It—I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I’ve felt Jedi die before and it doesn’t usually feel like that.”

Rex shifted awkwardly. The tortugan padawan paced back and forth, trying to release her helpless uncertainty into the force.

“Do you think it’s possible they might be on a special assignment?” he asked wearily. “I mean, it makes more sense in some ways that General Kenobi was just setting up some really intense cover for himself, and—and—General Skywalker got—accidentally wrapped up in it.”

Commander Tano rubbed her temples. “I wanted to think that too...I mean, it would be a pretty messed up choice of cover story, but...I really don’t think so” she said finally. “Skyguy was trying to put on a brave face when he talked to me but he was pretty—I’ve never seen him so destroyed—I mean getting shot down on the battlefield is one thing, but losing someone because—because you didn’t tell them how much you appreciated them, or because you added to their alright insane workload just through your presence—”

Suddenly Rex was in-front of her, chair scraped back and hands on her shoulders. “I’ve been through this was Cody, and I’ll go through it with you again as many times as it takes—you cannot blame yourself for this.”

She looked away. His hands tightened. “I’m serious,” he said emphatically. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you and Cody are the best of the best—if there was any warning sign to see, any enemy to fight, you would have identified it, fought back, won. I’m sorry, but the whole high council was surprised too, and they see him often enough! It’s—the whole situation’s kriffed up but it’s not your fault.”

“I know,” Ahsoka said quietly. “I’m sorry Skyguy stepped down on you—”

“That’s not your fault either—”

“Yeah, I know, you’re repeating yourself Captain—”

“Well, it’s hard to tell if you’re listening sometimes—”

Ahsoka gasped theatrically. “Is that anti-montral sentiment? I think it might be, after special Kamino sensitivity training too—”

“More like anti-anti-helmet sentiment. Seriously you’d think—”

“I’m a Jedi and I practice ataru. Armor would just—”

“—’slow you down’ I know, I know.”

Ahsoka giggled and the two of them found themselves wandering over to the small viewport, watching stars distort and stretch as they sped along the hyperlane.

“Have you—are you familiar with Krell?” Rex eventually asked.

“Not really,” Ahsoka admitted, wrinkling her brow. “I know he’s a pretty talented duelist—he’s got his own four armed Jar’kai style that’s apparently almost impossible to do anything against, but I’ve never actually gotten to see it in action—I don’t remember him hanging around the temple much growing up, and I’m not really certain where he’s been stationed during the war. I guess Master Windu assigned me to 501st duties so specifically so I wouldn’t bother him too much for sparring practice while he’s figuring out his duties? What’s your read on him?”

Rex radiated discomfort and Ahsoka eyed him cautiously. 

“I haven’t—seen him on the battlefield. I’m sure he’s very capable. He’s not the most...respectful Jedi I’ve met.”

Ahskoa smirked. “Well, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem, right? If he gets the job done? I mean once you got a jetpack you made it your personal mission to throw Anakin of a cliff as often as possible! And Kix stole all of Anakin’s pants after he kept escaping bacta and messing up Medical.”

“I don’t mean respectful like that, Commander,” Rex said quietly. 

“What do you mean, then?” she asked, feeling a prickle of unease. 

“It’s nothing to worry about right now, but I’d—appreciate if we could talk about your...impression after our limpet meeting with the Negotiator tomorrow morning.”

“Of course, Captain. We’re—we’re in this together, right?” Ashoka replied hesitantly. For the first time that conversation, she reached out to him, softly placing a hand on his arm and desperately trying to press her tangled feelings of friendship, loyalty, and gratitude through the force. 

Rex smiled, seeming to get the message. “Yeah Commander,” he responded hoarsely. “We’re in it this together.”

Part XXV

[selfignitingimagines]

Stiles- If I Can’t Have You, No One Can (Obsessed Part 4)

A/N: When I was initally writing this series I had a set plan for where I wanted it to end and how. I was recently rewatching the last few episodes of season 2 and I got struck with some inspiration. Let me know down below if you guys want a part 5 so I can continue the series!

TRIGGER WARNING: Stalking, kidnapping

Here are the links for Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

“Right there!” Stiles cried, frantically gesturing toward the computer screen on his dad’s desk. “Stop! Stop! See? There he is again.”

They were scrolling through hours of security footage recorded at the hospital the night one of Matt’s victims was killed. So far, all they had managed to capture were shots of him with his back turned. This tape was no different. 

“You mean there’s the back of his head again,” the Sheriff told him. 

“Okay, but look. He’s talking to someone!”

Scott followed Stiles’ gaze. His eyes widened. “He’s talking to my mom.”

He hastily pulled out his phone out of his jeans and called his mom, hoping she would be able to confirm that it was Matt. Stiles tapped his foot nervously as they talked. His shoulders slumped in relief when he heard her say that Matt was the one she had seen. 

“Alright,” the Sheriff said when she hung up. He picked up a manila evidence folder from his desk. 

“We’ve got shoe prints alongside the tire tracks at the trailer site...”

“And if they match, that puts Matt at the scene of three murders,” Stiles said. “The trailer, the hospital, and the rave.”

“Actually four,” the Sheriff told him, flipping through the documents in the folder. “A credit card receipt for an oil change was signed by Matt a few hours before the murder.”

Stiles let out a sigh of relief. “Alright, Dad, if one’s an incident, two’s a coincidence, and three’s a pattern, what’s four?”

“Four’s enough for a warrant.”

Stiles curled his fist in triumph. “We can find Y/n.”

“Scott, call your mom back. See how quickly she can get here. If I can get an official ID, I can get a search warrant. Stiles, go to the front desk. Tell them to let Scott’s mom in when she gets here.”

 “On it.” Stiles nodded hastily and turned down the hall. 

His whole body was humming with adrenaline now. He had spent the whole night terrified, wondering what Matt was doing to you. Stiles knew you were probably betting on the fact that they would find you. After all, it was what he would have done in your situation. 

You have saved each other plenty of times before, and now it was his turn again. He knew he could do it, he just wasn’t sure what Matt would do to you in the meantime. 

Stiles had tried his best to protect you, but he knew it hadn’t been enough. He should have pushed harder when he suggested you go to the police the other night. He should have kept a closer eye on you at the party, but he had been too caught up in his own issues. 

He tried to shake off those thoughts as he walked down the halls of the station, telling himself that he still had time to make up for it. He had told you the other night that everything he did was to keep you safe, and that was still true. 

As he rounded the corner of the hall, Stiles realized that the officer on duty was no longer standing at the front desk. 

“Hello?” he called, looking around for her. 

That was when he noticed her black combat boot sticking out from behind the corner of the desk. He felt a shiver run down his spine, and he realized she was lying on the floor among a mess of fallen papers. Her eyes were wide open, but they weren’t moving, and her tan uniform was stained dark red with blood.

She was dead, but as Stiles took in the horrific sight, he also noticed another chilling detail. The holster on her hip was empty. Someone had taken her gun. 

Stiles stumbled back, turning around, only to come face to face with you.“Y/n?”

Tears were slipping from your eyes, and your lip was trembling. You looked terrified, standing there in your disheveled dress. It was the same one you had been wearing at the party last night.

Matt was standing behind you, one hand one your shoulder as he pressed the dead officer’s gun into your back. 

“If you make one move I’ll shoot her,” he told Stiles. 

Stiles reluctantly held up his hands. “Okay. Okay, fine.”

“I’m sorry,” you mouthed, but he shook his head. You had to know this wasn’t your fault. 

Matt kept the barrel of the gun pressed against your back as Stiles led you further into the station. He turned into his dad’s office, and you realized that the Sheriff and your brother were also there. 

“Y/n!” Scott cried. 

He started forward, but Matt ordered him to stop, waving the gun so he and the others could see it. 

“Matt,” the Sheriff said slowly. He held up his hands. 

“It’s Matt, right? Matt, whatever’s going on, I guarantee there’s a solution that doesn’t involve a gun.”

Matt’s lips curled into a sick grin. “You know it’s funny you say that, because I don’t think you’re aware of just how right you are.”

“I know you don’t wanna hurt people-”

“Actually, I wanna hurt a lot of people. You four weren’t on my list, but I could be persuaded...and one way is to try calling somebody on your cell phone like McCall is doing.”

Scott ripped his hand out of his pocket, looking between you and Stiles apologetically.

“That...that could definitely get someone hurt.”

“Everyone?” Matt gestured with the gun, and you knew he was telling them to give up their phones. “Now!”

“Come on,” the Sheriff told the boys calmly. 

Stiles looked back at you. 

“Pretty sure he tossed mine out the window last night,” you muttered. 

Matt led the four of you to the tiny jail at the back of the station. There, he made Stiles handcuff his dad to a bench. You felt your stomach drop. Now the three of you were completely on your own with Matt.

He waved the three of you in front of him and forced you to walk up to the front of the station. As you passed by another hallway, you gasped.

Three other officers were lying in the hallway and all of them appeared to be dead. Their chests had been ripped open so forcefully that every wall around them was splattered with blood. 

You looked away, fighting the urge to vomit. 

“What, are you gonna kill everyone in here?” Scott demanded.

“No,” Matt said with a scoff. “That’s what Jackson’s for. I just think about killing them...and he does it.”

He forced you back into Stilinski’s office, where he made Stiles log into his dad’s computer. Matt had him delete every bit of evidence, including the video footage of him at the hospital. Scott was destroying the paper evidence in the shredder, including the shoe prints that would have matched Matt’s boots. 

Stiles glared at Matt from behind the desk, wanting to rip him apart as he stroked his fingers down your hair. He had forced you to sit next to him on the couch, and you were currently staring intently at the tiled floor. 

Stiles had already seen the bruises Matt had left on your throat. The only thing keeping him from jumping across that desk was the knowledge that Matt would have Jackson rip all of you to pieces at a moment’s notice. 

“Deleted,” he told Matt bitterly, gesturing toward the computer. “And we’re done. So, Matt, since all the people you brutally murdered deserved it, because they killed you first-whatever that means-we’re good here, right? I’ll just get my dad and we’ll go. You know, you continue on the whole vengeance thing, enjoy the Kanima.”

Before he could respond, the glow of headlights swept through the windows. You could hear tires crunching on the gravel of the parking lot outside.

“Sounds like your mom’s here,” Matt told you and Scott.

“Matt, don’t do this,” you begged. 

“When she comes to the door, we’ll just tell her to leave,” Scott added. “I’ll tell her we didn’t find anything! Please, Matt.”

The sound of the metal door creaking open echoed through the station, and Matt grinned. “If you don’t move now, I’m gonna kill Y/n first, and then your mom.”

He pressed the gun up against your back, and Scott glared at him. Matt pulled you up by the back of your dress and gestured for Scott and Stiles to go first. 

“Open it,” he ordered Scott, when you had made your way back to the front lobby.

“Please,” Scott begged one more time.

“Open. The. Door,” Matt told him, enunciating each word carefully. 

Scott reached out, shaking his head regretfully. When he turned the knob, the door slowly creaked open to reveal the person standing there. It wasn’t your mom, but Derek Hale. 

“Oh thank god,” Scott breathed. 

But Derek simply stared at him. Then, he pitched forward and slammed straight onto the floor below. Jackson was standing behind him, half transformed. He held up one scaly hand, still dripping with clear venom, and stalked into the lobby.

Matt walked over and knelt in front of Derek, flipping him on his back. He was now completely paralyzed.

“This is the one controlling him?” Derek asked from the floor. “This kid?”

“Well, Derek, not everyone’s lucky enough to be a big, bad werewolf.”

Matt straightened up, glancing between you, Scott, and Stiles. “That’s right! I’ve learned a few things lately. Werewolves, hunters, kanimas...it’s like a freakin’ halloween party every full moon.”

He smirked. “Except for you Stiles. What do you turn into?”

Stiles glared at him. 

“Abominable snowman,” he snarked. “But it’s more of, like, a wintertime thing. You know...seasonal.”

Matt rolled his eyes, and in seconds, Jackson was swiping his claws across the back of Stiles neck.

“Hey!” you cried. 

“Bitch,” Stiles swore at Matt, before his knees went out from under him. He crashed onto the ground, right on top of Derek’s chest. 

“Get him off of me,” Derek growled. 

Matt laughed. “Oh, I don’t know, Derek. I think you two make a pretty good pair. It must suck though, having all that power taken away from you with just a little cut to the back of the neck. I bet you’re not used to feeling this helpless.”

Derek glared up at him from the floor. “Still got some teeth. Scoot down here a little closer, huh? We’ll see how helpless I am.”

“Yeah, bitch.”

Stiles’ voice was muffled from being facedown against Derek’s chest, but you couldn’t help but smile. 

For the second time that night, headlights flashed through the windows of the sheriff’s station. You could hear another car pulling to a stop outside. 

“Is that your mom?” Matt asked. “Do what I tell you to, and I won’t hurt her. I won’t even let Jackson near her. 

“Scott, don’t trust him,” Stiles mumbled into Derek’s shirt.

Scott remained frozen in front of the door, but Matt was impatient. He reached forward, snatching you by your hair and tugging you back against him. He wrapped his arm around your neck, squeezing against your windpipe and cutting off your breath.

“This work better for you?” he asked Scott.

You reached up, scratching at his arms, but he didn’t even flinch. 

“Okay, stop, just stop,” your brother begged. 

“Then do what I tell you to!” Matt spat. 

“Okay, alright, stop!”

Matt finally let you go, right as you were on the verge of blacking out. You hit the floor on your hands and knees, gasping and dizzy from the lack of oxygen. 

“You,” Matt said, gesturing to Jackson. “Take them in there. You two, with me.”

He yanked you up off the ground by your arm, and gestured for Scott to open the door as Jackson hauled Derek and Stiles out of the lobby. 

When the door finally opened, Matt pulled you behind the corner of the hallway. You could hear the door squeaking open, and your mom asking “Scott?”

You were trembling as Matt held you back against his chest. What would he do to your mom?”

“You scared me,” you heard her say. “Where is everyone?”

That was when Matt shoved you out in front of him. Your mom gasped your name. As far as she had known, you were still missing. 

When she saw Matt come out behind you and press the gun against your back, she froze. 

“Mom,” Scott told her nervously. “Just do what he says. He promised he wouldn’t hurt you.”

“He’s right,” Matt agreed. 

Then, he raised the gun, and shot Scott in the stomach. You and your mom both screamed, but as she rushed forward, Matt pointed the gun at you. 

“But I didn’t say I wouldn’t hurt him.”

Scott was holding himself up using the wall, just barely managing to not fall to his knees. He had one hand pressed against his side, and blood was beginning to pool through his shirt. You knew he would heal from the gunshot wound, but your mom didn’t.

She tried to step forward, but Matt waved the gun.

“Back! Back!” he ordered. 

“Mom,” Scott choked. “Mom, do it. Please mom.”

You could hear Stiles' dad from all the way at the back of the station. He had undoubtedly heard the gunshot. 

“Matt! Matt, listen to me-!”

“Shut up!” Matt roared. “Shut up! Everybody shut the hell up!”

He gestured to Scott before training the gun back on you. “Get up, or I shoot your sister next.”

“Please,” your mom begged. Tears were running down her cheeks. “He needs to see a doctor.”

Matt tilted his head. “You think so?”

“It’s alright,” Scott insisted. “I’m okay.”

“No, sweetie, you’re not,” your mom insisted. 

She began to babble about how he was just feeling the adrenaline, how he needed to get to the hospital. You looked over at your brother, and he met your eyes. There was no way he was going to be able to keep his secret after this, provided you all made it out alive.

“They have no idea, do they?” Matt asked you. 

You didn’t answer him. Your mom was still trying to convince Matt to let her take Scott to the hospital. 

“Lady, if you keep talking, I’m going to put the next bullet in her head.”

He raised the gun to your skull. Your breath caught in your throat when you felt the barrel of the gun against your skin.

Your mom took a deep breath, and held up her hands. Tears were streaming down her face, leaving wet lines of black mascara. “Okay...okay.”

Matt shoved you in front of him, pushing you down the hall. He paraded you back through the station, and locked your mom into the cell next to the bench Stilinski was cuffed to. 

When Matt shut the cell door, your mom reached out through the bars, grasping your hand tightly. “You’re okay?”

You nodded, tears slipping from your own eyes. “I’m okay. Stiles and Scott made sure I was safe.”

“Back to the front McCall!” Matt barked. “Both of you!”

You glanced back at your mom reluctantly as Matt shoved you in front of him. He walked behind you and your brother as you headed out into the hallway. Then, he herded you into the station breakroom. 

There were a few tables and some chairs, but even though you were exhausted, you were too afraid to sit down. Scott leaned against one of the tables, still grasping his bloody side. You guessed the wound wasn’t fully healed yet. If the bullet hadn’t exited, it wouldn’t be able to close unless someone pulled it out. 

“The evidence is gone,” Scott told him. “Why don’t you just go?” Matt raised his eyebrows. “You really think the evidence mattered that much? No. No, I want the book.”

“What book?” Scott asked him,

“The bestiary!” Matt snarled. “And not just a few pages. I want the entire thing.”

“I don’t have it. It’s Gerard’s. You told him that, didn’t you?” He was looking at you now. You shrugged. “I tried.”

Scott glanced back over at Matt. “What do you need it for, anyway?”

“I need answers.”

“Answers to what?”

Frustrated, Matt yanked up the edge of his shirt, revealing his scale-covered side. “To this!”

Scott’s eyes went wide. If Matt was turning into another kanima, there was nothing stopping him from killing whoever he wanted. When you looked at your brother’s face, you had the sneaking suspicion that you two would be next on his list. 

------

Stiles laid on the floor of the station, staring up at the ceiling. The tiled floor was cold against his back, which was a welcome relief considering sweat was dripping down his neck. He wasn’t sure whether it was just hot in the station, or if he was nervous. If he was being honest, it was both. 

He and Derek had been lying there for what felt like hours, but Stiles knew it was probably only thirty minutes. 

“Hey,” he said, breaking the silence. “Do you know what’s happening to Matt?”

“I know the book’s not gonna help him,” Derek said grimly. “You can’t just break the rules. Not like this.”

Stiles tried to look over at him from the corner of his eye. 

“What do you mean?”

“The universe balances things out. It always does.”

“Is it because he’s using Jackson to kill people who don’t deserve it?”

“And killing people himself,” Derek added.

Stiles thought for a moment. “So if he breaks the rules of the Kanima, he becomes the Kanima?”

“Balance,” Derek agreed.

“Will he believe us if we tell him that?”

“Probably not.”

Stiles sighed. “Okay, he’s gonna kill all of us once he gets that book, isn’t he?”

“Yep...except for maybe Scott’s sister.”

Stiles gritted his teeth. “I’m gonna kick his ass the second I can move again.”

“That’s a great way to get her throat ripped out too.”

Stiles didn’t respond. He knew Derek was right, but a part of him wanted to go after Matt without thinking about the consequences. He knew he had left those bruises on your neck. He knew that the minute you shattered Matt’s fantasy, he would kill you too. He had to do something before that happened. 

“I know you’re in love with her.”

Stiles swallowed at Derek’s words. “Maybe.”

“I can tell. I know you’d do anything to save her, but right now, we need to be smarter.”

“Alright,” Stiles relented. “So what do we do? Do we just sit here and wait to die?”

“Unless I can figure out a way to push the toxin out of my body faster, like triggering the healing process.”

“Wha-”

He glanced down, only to realize that Derek’s claws were now protruding from his fingers. They had grown into his jeans, right into his skin, where blood was beginning to ooze.

Stiles gagged. “Oh, gross.” 

-----

Back in the breakroom of the station, Matt shook his head, letting his shirt fall back down. He glanced between you and Scott.

 “You know, I feel sorry for you guys. Cause right now you’re probably thinking ‘How am I gonna explain this when it heals?’. And the sad part is, you don’t even realize how incredible it is that you are healing. Cause you know what happens to anyone else when they get shot? They die!”

You and Scott exchanged uneasy glances.

 “Is that what happened to you?” your brother asked.

Matt was silent. He was staring at the ground, but he didn’t look as vicious as he had earlier. He actually seemed kind of tired. Scott seemed to notice this too, so he continued to press. 

“You drowned, didn’t you?”

“He shouldn’t have let them drink,” Matt muttered, still staring at the floor.

“What?” you asked. “Who? Matt, what do you mean?”

“Lahey!” He suddenly exploded. “He shouldn’t have let them drink.”

You flinched back, closer to your brother.

“What?” Scott asked. “Who was drinking?”

“The swim team, you idiot! I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know they had just won State…”

You and Scott listened to Matt as he went on and on. He explained how, when he was in eighth grade,  he had been heading over to Isaac’s to trade comics. Mr. Lahey was throwing a party for his swim team and letting them drink around the pool. All of Matt’s victims had been there. Tucker, Cara, Bennett, even Jessica and Shawn, the married couple.

 They were joking around when Matt came into the backyard, tossing each other into the pool. Isaac’s brother Camden decided to throw Matt in too. They didn’t know he couldn’t swim.

“And the next thing I know, I’m lying by the pool,” Matt explained. “And Lahey’s standing over me, and he’s saying ‘You don’t know how to swim? What little bastard doesn’t know how to swim? You say nothing. You tell no one.’ And I didn’t.”

He let out a sharp, bitter laugh. “I would wake up every night, gasping for breath. My parents thought I was an asthamatic. They even got me and inhaler. They didn’t know that everytime I closed my eyes, I…I was drowning.”

He was silent for a few moments, and then he looked back at you and Scott. “And then came Kate Argent’s funeral.”

His lips began to curl into a smile as he explained how he had realized he and Jackson were bonded. 

“I was taking some photos, and then, purely by accident, Lahey gets in one of them. I looked down at my camera, and I just had this unbelievable rage that filled up inside of me. I looked at him and I just...I wanted to see him dead.”

Matt let out a disbelieving laugh. “And the next day, he actually was! You know, Einstein was right. Imagination is more important than knowledge. It was like something out of Greek mythology, like...like the Furies coming down to punish Orestes.”

He looked over at Scott, who was staring at him, dumbfounded. Matt rolled his eyes. “You have no idea what I’m talking about do you?”

Scott swallowed. “Was that...was that the guy that stabbed out his eyes.”

“That’s Oedipus, you dumbass!” Matt barked. 

His gaze snapped over at you. “You know what I’m talking about don’t you?”

You nodded carefully. “The furies were deities of vengeance, weren’t they?”

 Matt nodded. “Their tears ran of blood and they had snakes for hair. If there was a crime that had gone unpunished, the Furies would do the punishing. Jackson is my Fury. You know, when I saw him the next night, I knew he had killed Lahey for me, and I knew he would do it again.”

Matt began to smile to himself again. “So I went to Tucker’s garage. I even paid for an oil change, and guess what? He didn’t even recognize me! So when he wasn’t looking, I took a shot of him with my camera...and in a few hours, he was dead. So I took more pictures. All I had to do was take their picture, and Jackson would take their life.”

You glanced over at Scott, who looked just as concerned as you were. Matt was giving no indication that he would stop the killings. You were pretty sure that he and Stiles were next on his list. 

Scott opened his mouth, maybe to try and convince Matt to let you all go, but he never got the chance to speak. The thick, acrid smell of smoke filled the air, and suddenly the room was engulfed in a white cloud. 

Sirens began to wail, echoing through the halls of the station. They let out a sharp, bleating sound that hurt your ears.

“What is this?!” Matt demanded. “What’s happening? What’s going on?!”

He suddenly reached out, snatching you by the arm.

“I don’t know!” Scott cried. “Y/n, where are you?”

“I’m right here!” 

He reached out, trying to see if he could grab you, but Matt yanked you backward against him. He pressed his gun against your side and forced you out the nearest exit.

Bright yellow emergency lights began to flicker, illuminating the breakroom. Jackson passed you and Matt as you left the room. He was headed right toward Scott. You tried to pull out of his grasp, but he dug his nails into your arm. 

“Scott!” you screamed.

“I’ll have Jackson rip your mom apart next,” he snarled. 

He dragged you through the halls of the station, keeping the gun pressed tightly against your side. The smoke was starting to dissipate now, and the flashing lights ensured that Matt knew where he was going. 

He shoved open a door and hauled you into a darkened garage. The long room was bordered by bay doors on one side. A few desks littered the room, but it was mostly filled with police squad cars or transport vans.

Matt dragged you past tool carts and spare tires, and you struggled not to trip.

“Please, Matt,” you begged. “Just let me go.”

“Shut up!” Matt snapped. He looked around frantically until he spotted a door with a glowing, red exit sign. He pushed you toward it and forced you outside. 

Cool air hit your face as you stepped out into the night, but you didn’t have time to appreciate it. He broke into a run, keeping one hand on your arm as he pulled you further from the building. Panic began to build in your chest.

  A couple hundred yards ahead, the clearing you and Matt were running through ended with a line of trees. There was a small creek running at the edge of it. Farther downstream, a bridge crossed over the water. Matt began to pull you in the opposite direction. 

Suddenly, you stumbled, falling onto your knees in the grass. Matt reached down to haul you up, but when his guard was down, you knocked the gun out of his hand. It landed somewhere in the grass, and he was unable to see where it went in the dark. 

You scrambled onto your feet as Matt felt for the gun in the grass, but when he realized you were running, he abandoned it. 

“No!”

He tackled you to the ground before you could even make it five feet away, and the impact knocked the wind out of you. 

You squirmed, but he quickly pinned you down into the grass. 

“Get off me!” you gasped, but his hands were pressing your wrists into the grass. 

He smiled down at you, but there was an empty look in his eyes. Your heart began to pound even harder against your chest.

“Do you remember when I said that I’m not the type of guy that’s gonna say something like ‘If I can’t have her, no one can.’?”

You writhed under him, but your exhaustion had caught up with you. He was much stronger, and now that he was turning into another kanima, you didn’t have a chance of fighting him off.

Matt didn’t wait for you to respond to him. He just kept talking and grinning down at you with that sick look in his eyes. 

“See, that’s not entirely true,” he mused. “Because, Y/n, if I can’t have you. No one can.”

Then his hands were on your neck, squeezing. You fought him, gasping for air that wouldn’t come. He was going to kill you. 

You reached up, scratching at his hands and wrists. You could feel his skin peeling away under your nails and the warm, wet blood you were drawing. Still, it wasn’t enough. 

Your vision was beginning to cloud. Your attempts to fight him off were growing weaker by the second. All you could think of was Stiles. 

The two of you always seemed to be saving each other in one way or another. This time, you had hoped he would be able to rescue you, but it looked like that wasn’t going to happen. You knew there was no use in hoping for anything else. 

Instead, you tried to think about something good. As your mind wandered, you thought of Stiles’ honey brown eyes. You thought of the surprise and delight on his face when you said something funny that he hadn’t expected. You remembered the way he had kissed you the night at the rave, his hands warm on your cheeks. 

Everything was beginning to go dark, but you were content. You swore you could hear Stiles’ voice, warm and soothing...and then it was gone. 

You opened your eyes, taking one painful, gasping breath. Matt’s weight was no longer on top of you. You rolled over onto your side, desperately sucking in air as you struggled to lift yourself up into a sitting position in the grass. 

You looked around, wondering what had happened. That was when you saw Matt being dragged down the hill by Gerard Argent, of all people. You didn’t understand what was happening at first, but then, Gerard threw him down into the bed of the creek. 

Gerard waded out until he was knee-deep in the water. Then he grabbed Matt by his t-shirt and thrust his head under water. You watched, horrified, as he drowned him in the creek. 

That was when you ran, occasionally glancing over your shoulder to make sure Gerard wouldn’t follow you. He didn’t even look up. Either he would come after you later, or he just didn’t care.

You sprinted past the bridge, only to have a pair of arms reach out and snatch you back. You opened your mouth to scream, but a hand clamped down over your lips, muffling the sound.

You were pushed up against the side of the bridge, the rough stone scraping against your back. When you saw who had grabbed you, your eyes went wide. It was Peter Hale.

It suddenly crossed your mind that maybe you hadn’t escaped Matt in the clearing. Maybe you were dead. Maybe that was why you were face to face with Peter, whose throat Derek had slashed open last month. 

He held one finger to his lips as he stared down at you, and while you should have been terrified, you had the odd feeling that he wouldn’t hurt you. 

“Watch,” he said quietly.

He grabbed you by the shoulders and spun you around, forcing you to look back at Matt and Gerard. You could see Matt’s motionless body floating in the water. Gerard was now standing up on the bank of the creek, his clothes still dripping wet. His lips were moving, but you couldn’t hear what he was saying. It didn’t seem to matter, because what you saw next told you everything you needed to know. 

The Kanima was creeping out from the shadows, wandering toward Gerard on its hands and feet. Instead of running, Gerard lifted one arm and raised his palm. The Kanima moved closer, hesitantly. Then it lifted up one scaly, clawed hand, and touched its palm to Gerard’s.

He was now its master. 

“Go,” Peter urged in your ear. “Tell your brother what you saw.”

You blinked up at him, confused. “Why?”

A smile played at the edge of Peter’s lips. “I have a feeling we’re all on the same team now.”

He let go of your shoulders and you slowly backed away from him, keeping your eyes trained on his shadowy form the entire time. When you were a few yards away, you turned your back and took off running toward the station.

Your chest was burning as you raced back toward Scott and the others. When you pushed open the doors of the station, several officers whirled around and trained their guns on you. You guessed Stiles’ dad had called for backup at some point. 

As you threw up your hands, you were able to see the Sheriff, your mom, and Stiles all standing in the lobby.

“Y/n!” Stiles cried. “Oh thank god.”

The officers lowered their guns, and Stiles rushed over. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly against his chest. You froze in his arms, not quite sure how to handle his touch. The feeling of being caged against him made your skin crawl. Though you hated to admit it, it reminded you of Matt.

He pulled away suddenly, realizing you weren’t reciprocating. 

“Hey...are-are you okay?”

You shook your head, suddenly feeling overwhelmed. The lights of the station were too bright, and the sound of the deputies’ boots thumping on the floor caused you to flinch. You didn’t even know where to start.

Stiles watched in shock as you suddenly burst into tears. He wanted to reach out and hold you, but by the way you had just reacted, he was afraid to touch you. 

“Oh, uh…”

Before he could think of anything to say, your mom rushed over and put a hand on your back. “Let’s get you somewhere quiet, Sweetheart.”

She cast a sympathetic glance in Stiles’ direction and led you down the hall. The Sheriff followed after the two of you, no doubt planning to take your statement. Matt was nowhere to be found, and Stiles was willing to bet you knew what happened to him.

He wanted to follow, but he knew if he did, his dad would just kick him out of the room. You were a witness now, and they would need an official statement from you. 

Scott came jogging down the hallway. Stiles realized he must have heard you come back.

By then, the door to the office you had disappeared into was shut. 

Scott headed over to Stiles. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Stiles admitted. “But I don’t think your sister’s okay.”

[ruby-whistler]

Alright curious anon here. All this is /dsmp /rp from here on out unless otherwise specified and is refering to characters. If i make any mistakes or am misinformed please let me know! So by the cat was nothing compared to mushroom henry i was meaning more toward the fact that the cow was killed as a punishment for something not worth or ok for it to be killed for at all and the fact that it belonged to tommy, wheareas the cat was killed more to annoy dream and belonged to tommy. (1/?)

alright then another lengthy reply, here i come! /lh /dsmp /rp

Dream also did not seem to mourn the cat much, shrugging it off with a "just more motivation to break out".

it was killed to hurt dream, not to "annoy him". it doesn't matter who it belonged to, c!dream was attached to it and it died, which had an effect on him and also further proved his point about attachments being weakness and caring getting you hurt, and it's still very sad.

you say that it was not ok at all to kill mooshroom henry, but the cat's death wasn't ok either, so i really don't see your point.

again, i disagree it was "nothing compared to" either way. i never meant to compare them in the first place, i was simply talking about the cat and c!dream so i don't see why it is in any way necessary to drag c!tommy and other dead pets into this. /nm

also, it isn't true he didn't mourn it. he is a very reserved person who doesn't show his feelings much, that's true, but the cat death still changed the way he acted afterwards, as well as the attempts he made to prevent it. he didn't "shrug it off", he yelled about it because he was understandably upset.

You mentioned that propganda was used to make dream seem like a tyrant, could you specify a bjt? Cus im a little confused srry /gen. Because the most i can remember from the lmanburg era at least is him being called a b'tch or other similar insults. You also mentioned how trauma responses can be differet which is true! I agree! Do you have any ideas to what caused dream the trauma?

wilbur would continuously make him out to be some sort of oppressive, tyrannical force, in front of his troops - a prime example of this being the lyrics of the l'manberg anthem itself and the l'manberg declaration of independence.

actually! here's a nice thread about l'manberg's establishment complete with links, timestamps and evidence :]

i also said in my previous post what could've possibly caused it, but since the character intentionally hides his emotions from the public, it would be difficult to see how things really affected him - which is why the way his spiral went is the majority of the evidence that would imply it, however it does make sense within the story as well with what i mentioned last time.

I would like to note that for sapnap at least had reason to leave dream. Some examples off the top of my head are dream leading an angry fundy to sapnap's pets on purpose, resulting in some deaths, dream assisting tommy in burning down sapnap's effiel tower where he got engaged to karl, and dream giving tommy either mars or the other fish at the battle of the lake. Idk about george tho other then the whole mexican lmanburg/el rapids thing and decrowning him

c!sapnap was actually at fault for most of this, and it wasn't really ever betrayal on c!dream's part.

c!dream is a mediator and he wants to stop everyone's conflict - c!fundy was angry because of c!sapnap's actions, and hence it made more sense for c!dream to centre him on c!sapnap's animals instead of running around killing everyone's pets (at that time, all c!dream knew was c!sapnap did something really bad and c!fundy wanted beckerson / mars from him, which were also his and c!george's fish).

c!sapnap was an instigator, and in multiple conflicts during the time as well as before he'd align himself against c!dream. he isn't "loyal" per se, he causes chaos and the reason c!dream helped c!tommy was because, c!sapnap, again, killed his pet. the first l'manberg war and then the 16th are signs of the fact that c!dream and c!sapnap were willing to fight together in actual war, but these small conflicts where c!sapnap continuously picked fights weren't about personal loyalty, nor did they seem to affect their relationship at all.

c!george was never really hurt by c!dream either. the dethronement was him very obviously being a guilt-trippy drama queen, but, well, that's just the character. he had stolen the l'mantree while he was supposed to be the diplomatic figure of the greater smp, which is why c!dream was justified in - very politely, may i mention - taking the duties off of him (seeing as he was also trying to keep him safe and c!techno had already assassinated him once).

Im pretty sure i remember cc!sam stating that his character never canonically physically tortured dream during his subathon but take this with a grain of salt as i am looking for the clip currently. So to the best of my knowledge dream did not have a physical contact trigger during tommy's visit which! I rewatched the vod and dream actually was first to hit tommy and i can give you my full writing downs but 10/12 of the phy-

you never finished this point because you had to go do something, but i'll reply to what is here at the moment (i suggest writing these down before sending next time, or even writing them out wholly before sending a single one could help avoid stuff like this).

i am 95% sure that the reason cc!sam stated this was because people were suspicious he had already been doing what c!quackity was doing after - torture within the storyline itself is associated pretty much only with what c!quackity is doing, so that's what he meant, just to clear up confusion - the starvation or terrible conditions haven't been retconned, but it was direct torture (like c!quackity is doing) people were asking him about.

i never said c!dream had a physical contact trigger at all, i don't think he had that, though he probably will after the torture.

huh, ok, i'm gonna have to rewatch then, but i remember c!tommy punching c!dream a lot and him just telling him to stop and only punching back to get him to stop. trigger or not, getting hit isn't very pleasant, if you know what i mean.

You mentioned tommy stealing dream's armor unprovoked. Do you have the vod or a general idea of the time so i can find it? Like before lmanburg after another event so and so because if you do not have it i can find it but any help is appreciated.

i am pretty sure you can find the video on cc!tommy's channel! there are also recaps of the disc war on youtube :]

I wanna talk a little on why the Final Control Room was so messed up. For starters, with the way the room was designed. It was small, and had labeled, empty chests with each person's name on them as a mockery. The next reason is that its bascially a kill box.

It's fairly inescapble with the stairs being ones you have to jump up, slowing anyone who climbs them down. The final reason it is messed up is that it is shown to have caused every person who died in it trauma. With tommy there are several examples, the time he saw it with techno, the way he refuses to go near it, the exposure trauma, etc. Fundy also appears to have trauma, as when the Red Banquet executions began, it can be seen as him being afraid of dying last again.

It can Be thought as tubbo having trauma because he buries most of his issues and pretends to be ok. Moreover this event took at least one of each person's canon lives, making it the most canon lives lost EVER in a dream smp event. (This is not hate on any of the ccs btw i loved this scene and its one of my personal favorites). Plus the fact Eret's betrayal just literally happened, giving at least Tommy and Wilbur canonic trust issues.

i wouldn't call the chests mockery? it was a trap. people had traps on the smp before. it was a trap in the middle of war, supposed to end said war by killing them all at once rather than individually which would be a lot more bloody and difficult.

i agree c!tommy and other people might have post-war trauma, especially if they were young during the time, but i think that's because the final control room was "messed up", moreso because the war itself was. it all happened fairly instantly as well? i don't think c!fundy would be able to realize he was the last one standing within the two second before he wasn't.

it "can be thought" and it can be interpreted like that but besides c!tommy there isn't much evidence for them "all" being traumatized by the final control room. of course betrayal would spark trust issues, i understand that.

The probation was humiliating in my opinion because dream was Sending tommy anatgonizing messages through out the whole meeting, plus he had to write a review of his day every single day, which fundy mocked him for.

i mean, it was definitely a strike to his pride, but he was being extremely uncooperative so i don't really blame the other members of new l'manberg trying to teach him to listen for once? of course i know c!dream was riling him up, and that should definitely be considered. i don't think it would be as humiliating if c!tommy didn't make it, is what i'm saying.

for the tommy being toxic to fundy? At least for the examples you gave, to me personally they come acoross as either in a meta way being the cc's bantering or in canon being the characters having banter. If you can send the post with the clips so i can read the tone better that would be cool but if not i will try and find em.

no, these were all in canon. canon isn't only when c!tommy is being nice, it's also when he's being a jerk. /lh

the first one was him threatening c!fundy about kicking him out of l'manberg and undermining his self-worth, and the second one was him trying to get c!sapnap to vote for them via bullying c!fundy.

i found these from a transcript focusing on c!fundy's character, so i don't know exactly where the first one is from, but the second one i am pretty sure is from when the elections were starting with the whole cabinet battle deal and all of that.

there are other instances, and all of them are canon. his personality was never being nice or compassionate, so i'm not really surprised? he still cares about the people he cares about and is very brave, y'know. but this part of his personality is definitely a valid reason for people to dislike him.

I hope the exam went well :). Hope u have a great day! (Ps i think theres something called a submission box to send in pictures? Am not entirely sure sry)

it would've gone well but my work-speed is a tad too slow for the schooling system (considering i'm three years younger than my classmates,,, probably that's also a factor) so probably not despite the fact i knew everything and would've aced it if i only had more time. i did as well as i could so i'm not worried about it, but thanks!

i think you're thinking submissions. sadly, i tested it and it doesn't work on anons, so idk how you'd solve that, maybe make a burner account?

Curious anon here one point you may wanna include in the redemption essay is that c!tubbo or c!tommy do not necessarily have to forgive him. What's important is that he recognizes what he did was wrong (exile, beating tommy to death, manipulating them both, etc) and does his best to make amends. Hope this helps! Can't wait to see your essay

it's out, idk if you've seen it yet, and i think i included enough of that so hope it's all good! :)

the mcc update video is out if you are an mcc enjoyer. It's very neat, if you wanna check it out

yeah! i am a fellow mcc enjoyer, saw it already, thanks for telling me though, i'm really hype for today.

Allo curious anon here sorry if the lots of asks bother you. I was just curious if i could share an interesting post i saw today about c!dream :0 (not necessarily negative i think? More of a statement of an often-confused canon)

sure thing! i don't know what you mean by often-confused since, the entire fanbase is very confused always, and often selection bias plays into the perception from both sides, but sure :]

you also sent in a thing for the other anon who said they didn't know what c!dream did that bad; pretty sure they couldn't really be alerted since, not sure if they watch my blog that closely, but i'll summarize your points just in case and add some notes;

the repeated blowing up of l'manberg (in my mind that's largely a positive since i,, despise that country, but fair enough), revealed c!ranboo as a traitor (they seem to be friends so i also,, think that might've been planned between him and enderboo), sent ghostbur away (i don't think c!dream knew it was dangerous for him and wanted to actually hurt him, but idk), participated in fighting against c!sapnap when he killed people's pets (that's only negative against c!sapnap and didn't seem to hurt him much at all), and then the whole vault scene where he was allegedly planning to steal people's things (though saying he would & being stopped beforehand and doing it are two different things, frankly).

so i still agree with the other anon that a lot of the hurt he did "to the entire server" (he only negatively interacted with like,, a half of them) is exaggerated both by the characters and the fandom, but i guess that's a consequence of most people seeing him as a threat to everyone's happiness rather than a complex personality.

Also he was aware of the butcher army going to kill techno but only got involved because he saw an opportunity to get a favor. (As he knew in advance due to him telling techno to get a totem, watching from afar instead of interveing or manipulating tubbo out of it)

i don't understand this at all, i'm sorry. how do you know he only helped techno in order to get a favor? last i remember he was only doing it to protect and strengthen his alliance, and techno came up with the whole favor thing entirely on his own. you might've not watched techno's perspective or their prior interactions, idk, but this really is a misinterpretation in my eyes. /nm

sorry if that is overly dream negative i just wanted to let yall know cus you seemed unaware -curious anon

nah dw, i watch the smp and i watched all of these things happen so, wouldn't say unaware, but thanks.

[hotchley]

balls fair in love and war

So... this is the fic inspired by the AU in this post. Umm... it's a shambles, I low-key hate parts of it, the ending is rushed, but we're going with it before my laptop dies </3

Ignore any and all medical inaccuracies. I did a bit of research, but a lot of it confused me, so... this is not an accurate representation of a concussion. Like seriously. Also ignore any ethical issues, they're just... it's fine. As usual no proofreading. Umm.... don't ask where Rossi is. I don't know.

Taglist (I guess? I don't actually have one, it's just for this lol): @eldrai @willlemonheadsupremacy @shmaptainhotchnersmain @sarcvstiel @unionjackpillow @katytheinspiredworkaholic (you said you would read it so... is that okay?)

A very big and grateful thank you to @aaron-hotchner187 for giving me a title!! And to everyone else that gave suggestions, you are also much loved <3

Also, the way Hotch acts as a teacher is inspired by the way I think @ellyhotchner will be when they become a teacher <3 and everyone go and tell @whump-town thank you because she: told me about penlights, gave me the easy tiger line and is just overall a good person.

Trigger Warnings: concussions, fear of brain hemorrhages, hospitals, self-blame

read on ao3!

Like most things that went wrong in Aaron Hotchner’s life, his current predicament could be blamed on Emily Prentiss. He would not hear otherwise. And he didn’t think he should be forced to hear otherwise, given he was the one sitting on a hospital bed in a thin gown that did nothing to keep him warm, whilst she got to sit outside with a cup of coffee.

She had, admittedly, looked absolutely horrified when the accident occured, and had spent the whole journey to the hospital apologising again and again. He’s pretty sure she offered up her first-born child to him at some point as a form of penance. As well as her apartment. And he definitely remembers hearing something about grading his papers for him.

So whilst he may not want to be anywhere near her offspring- especially if they’re like her- and whilst he may definitely not want her apartment- he doesn’t care what she says, it is haunted- he will be taking her up on that last offer. Did he feel suitably appeased by her squirming the whole time, and by the fact that she was the one that had to explain to the principal why there were two classes screaming, crying and a teacher on the floor?

Yes, but there was no harm in milking it.

If he’s being completely honest, he felt like he was taking advantage of a hospital bed. He was sure he was fine. Yes, it hurts to move his head and he feels dizzy, and he probably has all the symptoms of a minor concussion, but he just really doesn’t want to be in the hospital.

Besides, he needs to make sure the kids aren't traumatised. It can’t have been easy for them, watching him just fall to the ground and hit his head hard enough for there to be blood. Emily could be traumatised, he didn’t care. But their students? Absolutely not.

He sighs. He wants to hand in his resignation now. Going back is going to be so embarrassing.

“I don’t think you understand. He is my best friend, and if he doesn’t get this blanket, he will- Spencer, what will he do if he doesn’t get this blanket?” A voice says from outside.

Aaron closes his eyes. He wants the ground to swallow him up. Forget returning to school, the next few minutes of his life are going to be even more embarrassing than the time Emily tricked him into being part of the Christmas pantomime. Haley hadn’t been offended, thank goodness, but still. It took him three months to be able to meet her eyes.

“He’ll- he’ll- I can’t even say it, it’s just so upsetting,” Spencer lies.

“Ma’am, sir, if you would let me speak for two seconds. Miss Prentiss said that some of her colleagues would be coming with Mr Hotchner’s things. All I am asking for is proof of identity,” the floor receptionist says.

The apologies immediately start to pour from the mouth of Penelope Garcia, whilst Spencer Reid just takes out both their driver's licences. The receptionist clearly approves, because before Aaron knows what’s happening, he’s being embraced by someone who smells like roses, and his favourite blanket is being draped over him.

“Oh my goodness, you don’t know how grateful I am that you’re alive,” Penelope says.

Aaron gives her a slight smile. Penelope is one of his favourite people, despite all their differences. And he likes to think he’s one of her favourites. He wouldn’t be thinking wrong.

“Penelope, I’m fine. Seriously. This is just a precaution. I promise it isn’t that bad,” he says, even though the light is starting to hurt his eyes.

“Isn’t that bad? I saw you and Emily taking your classes outside, which was weird to begin with because you both have classes that don’t require being outside, what were you doing? And then, I’m watching because the class can be trusted to sketch without my guidance and I’m curious. But then I turn my back for three seconds to help someone, and everyone is screaming, and you’re on the floor, and there’s blood everywhere and- it was scary!” she says.

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron says, for lack of anything else to say.

“I don’t want you to be sorry! I want you to stop getting hurt!” Penelope exclaims, whacking him in the shoulder.

“I don’t want you to be sorry either. It was hilarious to watch, my students were in hysterics,” Spencer adds. Penelope glares.

Aaron isn’t surprised. Him and Spencer get on- they even have shared interests- but they also have some of the same classes. And as a result of the different subjects and ways they teach, it seems to them that it is impossible for their students to like them both.

“So, not that I don’t appreciate it, but why are you here?” He asks.

Spencer and Penelope glance at each other, and Hotch feels like he’s dealing with two students that have tried to set up two of his friends.

“Garcia. Reid,” he says. In the same tone he uses when dealing with two students that have tried to set up two of his friends.

“We thought that if we came, JJ wouldn’t, but uhh-” Spencer starts.

JJ bursts into the room before he can finish. “”Hotch! What happened? I mean, I’ve heard what happened because Strauss came and told me the basics, but still. Why were the two of you in the playground? Are you okay? Let me see that bump on your head. I also brought your lunch in case you were peckish.”

“Well basically-”

“Why does Emily look like she’s about to start crying?” Haley asks, entering.

Everyone but JJ turns and stares at her with a slight look of horror. Aaron slides down the bed slightly, hoping the blanket can cover the furious blush that he just knows stains his cheeks. Him and Haley went on a date once, after he asked her in a moment of impulsivity. It was the worst thing he’d ever done, for both of them.

“Oh come on guys, we’re professionals. JJ asked me to come because apparently, Aaron listens to me? I said he’s just too afraid of me to disobey. Which, I meant as a joke, but you do know that I don’t hate you right? Sure, the date was a disaster, but you do know we can still be friends?”

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me,” he confesses.

“That’s why I brought her with me. To prove you wrong,” JJ says. “But yes, why is Emily so upset?”

“Because I almost killed my best friend and traumatised our students and I’ve ruined his life and our careers and he can get me fired and press charges, but all I wanted to do was make him laugh, and this is the first place where I’ve felt appreciated, and I’m going to lose it all,” Emily sobs from outside.

“Can you bring her in?” He asks Penelope.

She obliges, and Hotch pats the area next to him. Emily sits beside him, wiping her eyes on the corner of the extra blanket they brought.

“You didn’t almost kill me, it’s a mild concussion at most. Our students have seen worse, and they will be fine. My life is not ruined because you will be doing my grading. I’m not going to get you fired or press charges, and you’re not about to lose any of this. Okay?”

“You always know what to say,” she says.

He ruffles her hair.

“Love you. Platonically,” he tells her.

She gives him a bright smile, and he can feel himself smiling back, less embarrassed about everything.

And then she starts laughing hysterically, and deliberately shoves him, causing him to almost fall out of the bed, only stopped by Haley and Dave each grabbing one of his arms and pushing him back up. Of course, Emily just looks at him like she hasn’t done anything wrong.

“I cannot believe you fell for that. As if I would ever be that upset. Honestly. Haley, maybe I should replace you as drama teacher!”

Haley raises an eyebrow. “Ah yes, because the last time you got others involved in theatre, it ended so well.”

Emily has nothing to say.

Aaron does. He turns and swears in French.

“Naughty boy. Don’t let anyone else hear you. Especially not my class, I told them what that meant after you said it when I stole your stapler and then told you I’d given it to Miss Brooks.”

He pales.

“Speaking of your classes, how did this happen?” Haley asks, clearly sensing the need for a change in topic.

Emily looks at Aaron.

“It was your fault!” he says.

“Well it was your idea!” she counters.

He sighs. “So what happened was…”

Hotch and Emily’s classrooms are next to each other. To Hotch, this is both a blessing and a curse. It means he could keep an eye on her. It also means he had to keep an eye on her. See, Emily isn't irresponsible, and she would never actually endanger her students, but sometimes, she leans towards danger.

How, when she teaches modern languages, is beyond Hotch, but regardless. Strauss had actually hired Emily, not just for her abilities, but because she believed someone needed to keep an eye on Hotch. How the times have changed.

Hotch is on break duty, and he can't see anyone from his class. Which is weird. He tries to keep their lives as stress-free as possible, and he was always willing to help anyone that needs it, but certain assessments could not be avoided. But still, he expects to see at least one of them outside, if only to get a few minutes of fresh air.

Emily smiles at him sympathetically before she walks into her classroom. It is like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over him. Sympathy from Emily isn't comforting. Not when it was aimed at him. If anything, it just makes him more scared. The last time she had looked at him like that, he had explained how his date with Haley had gone from one disaster to another.

And then she laughed.

So he pushes the door open, stepping back in case something fell on him. It wouldn't have been the first time. But nothing does. So he steps into his classroom, expecting to see his eleventh grade literature class doing something suspicious.

They aren't, and suddenly he understands exactly why Emily had looked at him like that.

Because his class has never looked so upset or defeated. And his heart breaks for all of them. It has been a while since he was fifteen, but he wouldn't ever forget the feeling of helplessness that seemed to define his existence. Nor would he forget how everything felt like too much and not enough.

"What happened?" He asks them gently.

Violet, a quiet girl that always tells him what Miss Prentiss had said about him, burst into tears. One of her friends patted her back, but it's clear they didn't quite know what they were doing. Neither does Hotch, but goddammit, these are his kids. Nobody is going to hurt them.

"Hey, it's okay. Do you want to go somewhere else?" He asks her.

She shakes her head. "I just- I want all of this to be over, but then I don't because it means going to college and leaving here and having to grow up, but I just- I have no fucking idea what I'm doing and it's all too much."

He winces at the use of swear words, because he is still a teacher, but that also means he feels a sense of pride that she's able to voice what it is. Because now, he may not be able to fix the situation, but he can help.

"I know. That's okay. That's normal. And you'll work it out. You know, I almost became a lawyer."

She looks up, her eyes red, but starting to sparkle again. "A lawyer."

"Yep, I almost also applied to the FBI Academy. It was actually Miss Prentiss that talked me out of that one. Well, it wasn't really talking but the true story is a little too… inappropriate for school."

"I can't imagine you doing either of those. You'd get bored as a lawyer, and you would never smile as an FBI agent," Clarissa says.

Hotch blinks.

She shrugs like it's the most obvious thing in the world. And then she offers him a piece of candyfloss, which he rejects.

He checks his lesson plan. And then his planner. And then the calendar he keeps on his table. Emily always makes fun of him for being so organised, but Spencer admires it, and that makes him feel cool, so he focuses on that instead.

"I have a compromise. We don't need to do a lesson today, we have more than enough time to cover everything because we're already ahead. I let you do whatever you want for the remainder of the lesson- whether that's colouring or crying or dancing. But you have to do it outside. I didn't see any of you at break."

"Really?" Violet asks.

He nods. "Of course."

Everyone cheers, and grabs their bags, clearly ready to not use their brains for a bit. Aaron gives them the most warm smile he can manage, but he can't help the small surge of guilt that accompanies his lack of realisation.

As his class exits, happily chattering away to each other, Emily pokes her head out the door.

"Mr Hotch, what are you doing, and can I join?"

Immediately, all eyes are on him.

"Please?" Violet asks.

Clarissa pulls out the puppy eyes.

Thomas falls to his knees.

"Oh my god, yes fine, okay, just- everyone be quiet before Strauss finds out and shouts at me," he says.

Emily runs back inside, and soon, they're all just milling about and having fun on the playground. It's nice, both for the students, and the teachers, to have a bit of a break from the world, and to spend a few moments away from it all. Some of them are running around, playing a game of tag, some of them are simply sitting around, and a few are colouring.

"Do you still like playing catch?" Emily asks him.

"What?"

"Catch. Remember, you used to play it with Sean all the time when we were in college."

"I mean yeah, I would probably get involved, but I'm not quite sure-"

"Think fast!" She shouts, and she lobs a netball at him.

The last thing he thinks, moments before his head meets the ground with a large amount of force- enough for there to be a small amount of blood- is: how is it always her? Every single time he gets into a situation, it's her that causes it. That has to be statistically impossible. Maybe he should ask Spencer…

"So yeah! And now I'm here!" He shoves Emily, who has the audacity to look offended.

Penelope kisses his forehead. Haley laughs a little, but Reid just blinks like he can't quite believe how stupid his co-workers are.

"Well. From what I've heard, it was a pretty good shot," JJ comments.

Haley turns to her. "From everything we've just been told, that's what you choose to pick out?"

"I'm a gym teacher, can you really blame me?"

Emily mutters something.

"You were what?" Garcia asks.

"I was aiming for his leg," she repeats.

"Emily. I know you teach languages, not biology, but look at me. Head," Hotch says, pointing at the bump he's not going to cover up, "Leg." He points at his ankle.

"It's always lovely when people know their anatomy. Saves me a lot of time," a new voice says.

Hotch turns in the direction of it, ready to make a snarky comment, but whatever words he had thought of die on his lips as he suddenly feels like he's been transported into a medical drama full of unrealistically attractive protagonists.

Because the doctor who has just walked in is the most handsome man he has ever seen. His smile is easy and genuine, and his eyes seem to twinkle with mischief. And his arms, oh god his arms seem like the safest place to exist. Aaron can't help but wonder what it would be like to have those arms wrapped around him-

His cheeks warm. No.

"Hi, I'm Dr Morgan. But you can all call me Derek. I'm here for Aaron Hotchner. Who I am going to assume, is you," he says, looking straight at Hotch.

"I- yes. How did you know?"

Dr Morgan- Derek- somehow smiles even more. "Well, even though there are far too many people in here- did all of you somehow miss the two people at one time sign- you are the only one in a hospital bed wearing a hospital gown, so. I'm no profiler, but it was pretty easy."

If it's even possible, his cheeks flush more. But one word sticks out to him. "Wait, profiler?"

"You got me. Crime procedurals are my guilty pleasure. I always said that if I joined the FBI, I would become a profiler. Obviously, I went down a very different route."

"Obviously. Wait, too many people? Oh god, I'm so, so sorry, if you need them to leave, they can. In fact, I also feel a lot better, so if you would like me to also go, I really, it's no trouble."

Because he is an idiot- there really is no other justification for this- he tries to stand up. And he does. He also gets a few steps in before the world starts spinning and he almost loses his balance. Derek somehow moves fast enough to guide him back to the bed. Aaron tries and fails to ignore how warm he is.

"Thanks," he whispers, slightly breathless. And not just from almost hurting himself again.

"It's not a problem Aaron. Both things. Your friends can stay, we're just doing some simple checks," Derek says.

"Oh everyone calls him Hotch," Penelope says.

"Aaron is fine. Really." Because he likes Derek calling him Aaron. He wants Derek to call him Aaron.

And then he meets Emily's eyes and he realises his mistake. There's a common denominator that exists with everyone that he tells to call him Aaron, and he knows that she knows what it is. He's fucked.

"Okay then. Well, can you explain to me what happened?"

Aaron is mesmerised by Derek's eyes. So mesmerised that he forgets to answer. "Sorry, what?"

There's a flash of concern, replaced by a smile. "Can you tell me how you ended up here?"

"Oh yes. So, I'm a teacher- so is everyone here. And I- I was outside, with my- my students when Emily- that one there- she, look, it's a really mild concussion, can I just be discharged? I'm sure my students are very, uhh, very scared," he stutters. Why can he never function when he likes someone? It's mortifying.

"I'm sure it is, but you can't blame me for doing my job. I'm going to take your heart rate now, okay? The stethoscope will be cold, but it'll warm up eventually," Derek says.

Aaron nods, and barely flinches when it touches him. If anything, he's more concerned by how close Derek seems to be. Not in a malicious way, but he's always had this deeply irrational fear that if someone got too close to him, they'd be able to read his thoughts. Which would mean Derek can hear both the fact that he has a crush and that he has this fear.

Derek pulls away, and Aaron exhales.

"Your heart rate is unusually fast. Normally that wouldn't be too concerning, because we expect that when patients seem anxious, but you've seemed pretty calm, up till this moment," Derek says, noting how Aaron tenses.

"Is he going to be okay?" Penelope asks.

Derek turns to her. "Of course he is. He's in good hands."

Aaron needs to get his mind out the gutter before his cheeks explode. Or before Emily opens her mouth.

"Aaron, I know you think the concussion is mild, but this is still a requirement. I'm going to turn on this penlight, and I'm going to ask you to follow it with your eyes okay? Follow the light," Derek explains.

He nods, and Derek turns the penlight on. Aaron flinches at the brightness of it, then tenses in slight fear that his lovely doctor is going to be annoyed at him or call him difficult, or sigh and say he needs to stop acting like a child. It wouldn't be the first time,

But Derek doesn't do any of those things. He does something very different.

He places his hand on Aaron's thigh. "Easy tiger. I won't hurt you," he says.

Aaron melts. His eyes drop down to where Derek's hand is warming his skin. He thinks Derek says his name, but he's too busy having a crush to hear him. And then suddenly, his thigh is cold, but Derek is touching his shoulder and he should be shying away from the light being shone in his eyes. But he isn't because he's too busy looking at Derek and his beautiful eyes to even pay attention.

Rather late, he remembers that there is a reason for Derek to be looking at him the way he is, and he tries to follow the light. But the headache he's had since he came around is only getting worse, and the light isn't helping.

Derek isn't smiling anymore.

"Aaron. Be very honest with me. You've displayed difficulty with coordination, memory and speech. If I asked you whether or not you felt sick or nauseous, what would your answer be?"

Normally, he would just under exaggerate, but Derek seems to genuinely care. So he chooses to be honest.

"Yes?"

Derek's eyes widen. "Aaron, I don't want to alarm you, but I like to keep my patients informed. You're going to have a CT scan done immediately, and there's a chance you may be rushed into emergency surgery."

Everyone, including Emily, starts to panic, but Derek leaves the room to grab a nurse to help, and to tell someone else to make sure there's a clear room. Aaron isn't completely sure what's happening, but his head is killing him, so he lays down again. It only helps a small amount.

For Aaron, the CT scan isn't too bad. If he knew the reason it was being done, and that it wasn't a routine procedure, he would probably have spent the whole time panicking. But he doesn't, and so he sits there- well lies there- with a slight smile on his face. The migraine he's had has been getting worse, so keeping his eyes closed for such an extended period of time is actually quite enjoyable.

It is far less enjoyable for everyone that is upstairs, waiting to find out whether or not their friend has a brain hemorrhage. That's what Derek told them after Aaron was carted away, still seeming very out of it. They needed to test him for a brain bleed. And if he had one, then it would just be a case of waiting to see whether they could treat him. And even if they could treat him, it wasn't guaranteed that he would get back to normal.

Emily, in spite of all of her teasing comments, isn't coping. Because it's still early, the floor is relatively quiet, and Derek is technically on his lunch break, so he's sitting with them in an attempt to provide them with some sort of comfort. He's not sure where this emotional attachment to these random people has come from, but it's formed itself and now he's determined to provide some comfort.

"I really was aiming for his leg," Emily whispers.

"Hmm?" Derek asks, not quite following.

"When I threw the ball, I really was aiming for his leg. He had lost consciousness by this point, but I started crying when he hit the ground. He forgave me. He told me he loved me, platonically that is, and I laughed at him. He's going to die, and he isn't going to know how much he meant to me."

"He's not going to die. He may not even have a brain bleed. But if he does, we're going to save him, and you're going to be able to spend the rest of your life telling him how much he means to you. I promise," Derek says.

Even though there are tears in her eyes, Emily turns to him and smiles. "You're a good man, Dr Morgan."

"That's all I've ever wanted, Miss Prentiss. So thank you. It means a lot to me." And it does. He replays the moment as he goes over to Spencer and Penelope, who he feels a strange sense of protection over. Like he needs to protect them from everything, which is weird, because once Aaron is discharged, he'll probably never see them again.

That shouldn't make him sad, but it does.

"Mr Hotchner's CT scan came back normal. There's no sign of a brain bleed," the nurse tells them, what feels like a lifetime later.

There's a collective sigh of relief, and when he's wheeled back in, looking tired but alive, Emily throws her arms around her best friend, who lets out a soft sound of surprise. Like he's not quite used to the fact that people love him. Derek smiles. His patient will be in good hands when he gets discharged.

"Wait, so what caused all of those problems?" Spencer asks.

The nurse shrugs. "It's probably as simple as: his concussion was more severe than we initially thought, but not as bad as we feared."

"Oh."

"And on that note, Aaron, we're keeping you overnight for observation. It's just to be safe. We can't be too careful. You gave everyone a very big scare when you got sent out," Derek says.

Aaron cannot, and will not, confess. Does he feel guilty? Yes. But he can live with the guilt. He cannot live with the all-encompassing shame that will come with explaining that actually, the reason he was stuttering and failing the penlight test was because of a silly little crush.

"Okay," he says, determined to be as compliant as possible.

"One- and only one- of you is welcome to stay with him, if you'd like," Derek adds.

Haley's eyes light up. "I'll do it! Jessica can bring me my things, and maybe you'll be able to look at me after we've spent another night together. Only this time, nobody's getting pneumonia. I hope so, at least. You're not cold are you?"

Aaron shakes his head. "But you really don't need to stay. I'll be fine on my own. Seriously."

"I know, but I want to. Believe it or not, I do actually enjoy your company."

He smiles.

"We should all be getting a move on. Jason and Erin will want updates, and I have lots of marking," JJ says. She kisses Hotch on the forehead before walking to the door, smiling at Derek for looking after her friend so well.

Spencer waves from where he's standing and Penelope showers him with affection. Emily is the only one that seems hesitant to leave.

"Can I stay till visiting hours end?" She asks.

"Do you feel like you can keep up with these two lovely ladies Aaron?" Derek asks.

Aaron has never enjoyed the sound of his name as much as he does when it comes from the doctor. "I- sure," he stutters, and he just knows his cheeks are a stupid colour. Emily frowns, as though she finds something suspicious.

Derek smiles. "Good man. I'll be back in a few hours to run the same tests as before. For now, take it easy."

Derek doesn't come back a few hours later, because he has other patients. It's a different doctor, and Aaron is both relieved and disappointed. Because on the one hand, he's not going to create another medical crisis, on the other, he wants to see Derek again.

Maybe he can get Emily to knock him out again…

"Your heart rate seems completely normal. And you followed the penlight exceptionally well, so I believe we have nothing to fear. Of course, you'll stay overnight, and we'll run these tests once more before you're discharged tomorrow, but I think we're out of the woods now," they say.

Emily gasps, and Aaron knows he's screwed. Luckily, both the doctor and Haley seem to not have heard, and she leaves with the doctor, so Aaron doesn't have to know right at that moment whether his suspicions are correct.

"Night Hotchner," Haley says a few minutes later.

Hotch is already asleep.

The entire team comes and collects him from the hospital.

Aaron is just grateful they're sending him home with a pack of all the things he now needs to do, because he spent the whole lecture admiring how handsome Derek looks with sun shining down on him that he didn't take any of it in. It's also Derek's signature on the discharge papers. He's reminded of high school, when he and his friends would make fake marriage certificates. Not that he's going to do that.

"Bye Aaron. I don't want to see you here any time soon, okay?" Derek teases.

"I won't make any promises," he replies, just relieved he does it without stuttering or blushing.

Derek smiles, and the twinkle in his eyes seems even more mischievous. "Miss Prentiss," he says, spotting Emily.

"Dr Morgan," she responds. She's smirking.

When Aaron asks her what was going on, she doesn't answer. Haley says it's probably linked to the emotions of the previous day, and she's usually good at reading these situations, so he doesn't push any further. Besides, he's too busy catching up with the meetings he missed, and the antics of his students, because a lot happened in the three days he was off, to give it much thought.

Two weeks pass, and the incident is almost completely forgotten.

But then he walks back into his classroom, having just finished a meeting, and he finds flowers on his desk. Tulips. His favourite. He immediately pulls the note out, and when he opens it, he almost wonders if he's concussed it.

Because he knows that signature. He's been staring at it for fourteen days. It's Derek's.

"Surprise. Aaron," a voice says for the doorway.

"How- what- I- what?"

Derek Morgan, still in scrubs and a white coat, smiles at him. "Want to pick a question I can actually answer?"

"How did you- what are you doing here? And why?"

"Well, you should thank Emily. After the other doctor took your heart rate, she came and told me her suspicion. Apparently, you always say you're Hotch. Even the students call you Mr Hotch. Which is strange, because I call you Aaron. And, you shouldn't have done the penlight flawlessly if you had a more severe concussion. So she thinks you have a crush. I didn't want to be unethical, so those flowers can simply mean: I hope you're coping. If you don't have a crush that is."

"What if I do?" Aaron asks, surprised at his own boldness.

"Then I would ask if I could kiss you before I take you out to dinner," Derek says, not missing a beat.

"And if I said yes?"

Derek takes three long strides, and he kisses Aaron like it's something he was made to do. Aaron melts against him, trying to memorise him as quickly as he can, before he realises he has all the time in the world to do that. Because Derek is going to take him out to dinner. Derek, who brought him flowers.

"That was- wow. Wait. You have a crush on me too!" Aaron exclaims with a grin.

"Of course I do," Derek says.

That stuns Aaron back into silence. "Wow," he whispers to himself.

Derek hugs him, and being in his arms is everything- no more- than Aaron imagined it to be. "I'm glad you're okay," he says.

"I'm glad you don't hate me," Aaron says, because he really doesn't know what else to say.

Derek laughs, and Aaron can't wait to find all the ways he can make that happen.

"We should say thank you to Emily at some point. If she didn't know you as well as she does, she wouldn't have realised you had a crush. And if she wasn't so terrifying when she wants something good for her friends, I wouldn't have sent the flowers."

"Can we say thank you later? I want to stay like this for a few moments," Aaron whispers, snuggling closer to his new boyfriend.

"Of course we can," Derek says, kissing his forehead.

When they eventually make it to Derek's car- Aaron can come back tomorrow and get his, it'll be fine, Aaron realises he has one more thing to say.

"Derek?"

"Yes, sweetness?"

Well. That makes him feel things he won't confess too, because he needs something to make him seem the slightest bit cool.

"I'm really sorry I made you think I had a brain hemorrhage."

Derek's laughter is so real that Aaron can't help but join in, and they end up not starting the car for five minutes because it would be irresponsible to drive in that state. And it's only when they're pulling out that they both realise something: Derek gets to see Aaron's family again, and Emily didn't need to hit him in the head again for him to get to see Derek again.

[surveillance-0011]

TBOI Headcanons: Horsemen

Death

He/him

He’s...nice. Not a good person by any means but he’s the most polite of the bunch. Kind of strange though. Creepily calm, a bit sarcastic, and he has a pretty morbid view on the world.

Reserved and usually grumpy. He can be rather chipper off-duty, though. Putting up with the others takes a lot of energy from him.

Tired....

A bit neurotic but good at coming off as a down-to-earth guy.

He’s the most book-smart of the bunch and he’s fairly wise. A bit emotionally stunted, but he tries his best to be mature and make the right choices.

Death is more than a bit nihilistic and pessimistic. He has a hard time just... caring, mostly about himself.

Not to say he’s completely apathetic, he can be pretty empathetic but he tries not to act on that too much because if he did his job would have broken him by now.

He likes to think he’s got it all under control, but he does not. He’s more prone to pettiness and stupid decisions than he’d like to admit.

That being said he’s been pretty good with like. Growing and maturing though. He’s changed more than he realizes in just in the past.... decade or so ago. A bit of a late start for an immortal but hey at least he’s slightly less of a scumbag.

It’s usually not easy to anger him unless he’s really tired or something’s already set him off. When something does piss him off badly he’s a bit prone to freaking out. He’s not very good at handling his emotions. 

Sees his own job as a necessary evil, because hey, someone’s gotta do it.

Interested in botany/gardening, as well as literature.

Genuinely nice- or at least polite- to the kids when he’s not supposed to be murdering them. He sees no reason to go out of his way to do so, especially since unwarranted cruelty towards others has only bit him in the ass.

Famine’s older brother. The two have always had each other’s backs.

Diligent, and always considers the logistics to things instead of acting on emotion alone.

Protective of the other horsemen.

Pretty short tbh

His horse’s name is Chili.

Famine

She/he (bigender). You can use both interchangeably or only use one set, she doesn’t care. Fine with they/them too but it’s never really clicked w/ him enough to be preferred.

Usually prefers more masculine terms (brother, sir, mr...) but fine with anything.

.Flips between bouncing off the walls and having no energy whatsoever.

Impulsive, she’s got terrible judgement and has the most idiotic of ideas sometimes.

Fairly easygoing, tries to forgive and forget and doesn’t let little transgressions get to her

Actually pretty damn sad. Needs some self care but never looks after herself.

I mean she’s optimistic and usually happy but like. There’s always just a bit of sadness, you know? He’s dealt with a lot and it’s definitely taken its toll on him.

Disaster Lesbian

Tries to be a graceful loser but she can get a bit more competitive than she’d like to admit.

Has a hard time relating to others and considering how they feel, at least when it comes to anything more complex than “bad thing happened now I’m sad/mad” He’s a drifter by nature, always onto the next big thing for a quick thrill.

Eats a lot. It’s never enough.

Plants and a good deal of food will decay if she touches them, or even gets too close to them.

Like his brother he has some interest in nature. Famine is more on the adventurous side, though. She’s tried to live off the land a few times with varying success.

Named her horse Frisk

Pestilence

He/him

Calm, quiet, but also a pessimistic jackass.

Always in a bad mood. I mean, he’s permanently sick with just about everything contagious and deadly. You’d be grumpy, too!

Surprisingly high pain tolerance. A good deal of his nerves have probably just.. shut down or something. Or maybe he’s just numb to everything after a lifetime of pain.

Sleeps a lot

Dislikes his situation a lot, but doesn’t mind the company of the others.

Lazarus is terrified of this dude. The other kids are mostly grossed out or annoyed by him.

Likes to be alone.

Fairly smart, but comes off as absent minded bc he’s pretty much too sick to function. He slips up a lot and he’s pretty damn clumsy

Probably the most rational of the bunch, when he’s not in airplane mode. 

He’s also got a fairly strong moral compass. He doesn’t really like fighting the kids unlike War and Famine. Or just having to go up against people in general. Hell he hates the fact people get sick because of him. At the very least Pest has higher standards and is fairly transparent

But that isn’t to say he’s a good person. Yeah he doesn’t go out of his way to hurt others for shits and giggles and He’s Not Conquest but he doesn’t ever object to any of the shit the kids are put through and well. Yknow he still does kill them. He will also encourage some of War’s antics when it’s against someone he dislikes.

Tries to be as supportive as he can for the others. He knows he can’t do too much without overexerting so he tries to be encouraging and comforting as he can.

This compassion usually isn’t extended to humans, though.

Not very emotive, the only emotions he ever really expresses would be disdain and mild concern.

Not very fond of Conquest but they don’t hate each other. They actually work together well, too.

Friends with Mahalath. They’re pretty close!

His horse’s name is Moses.

War

He/it

He’s not very friendly, he’s pretty defensive and always on edge.

Out of all the horsemen, he’s probably the one closest with the Beast.

Lots of scars n injuries, it’s practically stitched together

One gold tooth

Impulsive, prefers solving issues through violence than through reason.

He can be fairly clever, though.

Intentionally angers/upsets others, likes causing problems and ruining things for people.

Desires wealth and power

Gets burnt out pretty quickly.

Emotional, insecure, and sensitive, and he hates this part of him. Definitely overcompensates for it.

Explosive temper, quite literally. Catches fire when upset and explodes if it’s more intense. Damage done to him also makes it happen. It’s not entirely voluntary but can be held off, and his “sobbing” sprite is him doing exactly that (but he’s probably also trying not to cry lmao). In the Ultra War fight, however...

Its daily routine leaves a lot to be desired. It wakes up, goes to work, then it goes home and just. Sits and rots.

Also, his diet is god awful. Please just eat a fruit or vegetable for once maybe you’d feel better goddamn.

He cannot remember if his horse is actually a horse or not but uhh he named her Bellum.

Conquest

He/they.

High and mighty sort of attitude. Can be very selfish. Stubborn, set in his ways. Gets defensive if you call him out or tell him he’s wrong.

Gay + nonbinary but in the closet (and denial) about both of those things. They’re trying to unlearn years’ worth of internalized bigotry.

Used to be worse, now trying to unlearn his toxic behaviors. But he’s still awful.

Doesn’t remember anything before their death. However they’ve held very strong Christian (specifically Catholic) beliefs all their life and they have a pretty black and white way of thinking.

Very cold and clinical. He has a bit of a temper but there’s a sort of calmness to everything he does even when he’s pissed.

Just as argumentative and aggressive as War but like more of a threat.

The others call him Connie sometimes, especially Death, who practically almost always calls him by this nickname.

Doesn’t harbor ill will towards Pestilence. They might have been overshadowed, but it’s not Pestilence’s own fault. If anything, being out of the spotlight has been good for Conquest, even if they do miss the attention sometimes. The only reason the two dislike each other is because their personalities clash.

Now if there’s anyone he hates that would be the Headless Horseman. Fuck that guy amiright

Very protective of Death. The two are close, Death is probably the only person who is consistently nice to him.

Utterly terrified of needles (hypodermic, not sewing needles, though he’s not good with sharp objects tbh) and medical stuff makes him anxious

Seems very... off. Just weird vibes but no one can pin point what about him is wrong.

Oh uh and his horse’s name is Josephine.

[codenamesazanka]

How is it that Spinner—

—Loyal, caring, tender, loving Spinner, so attentive and empathetic and ready to help shoulder the burdens of others - end up demonstrating/using/directing these qualities for complete Villains? For the League, the most dangerous and deadly terrorist group in HeroAca Japan, full of people who holds very callous attitudes towards mass murder? These guys, of all people, he finds worthy of his love.

(Don’t get me wrong, I love the League.) What I’m trying to say is, I think Spinner is a genuinely kind person, all things considered.

Spinner is determined, he’s willing to work hard, and he’s quite observant and sharp. In another life, he very well could’ve gone down any of the different paths to succeed in HeroAca society. Had things been different.

Had the environment he grew up in been supportive and safe. Had his community not tormented him, had people been not even just kinder, but simply decent.

Had he not feel he needed to retreat from the world as a hikikomori.

What I’m trying to say is, if he had wanted to, Spinner could’ve be a Hero even. That someone has earnest as he couldn’t - and instead was let down, slipping from the grasp of the teachers, the adults, the guardians who were supposed to catch him - is a tragedy.

One might point out that some people are just bad eggs; they were born rotten,

I don’t agree; I don’t believe that sort of determinism - or any kind of determinism - to be true. And in this case, Spinner truly isn’t someone like that. He has principles he sticks with, he wished for a better, more just world, and he is kind.

Yes, no one forced him to join the League, and the path of death and destruction he’s on is the choice he made. For that, it stains him and he bears individual responsibility, most definitively.

But I think it’s undeniable that the environment played a large part in turning him into the type of person who would make a choice like that - a world where remnants of anti-mutant movements still exist, something that at best means very discriminatory attitudes...

...And at worse violence.

It’s a world where people can so casually, dehumanizingly call him (and other people with mutant-type quirks) ‘lizard’. It’s not just Spinner who’s suffered experiences like these: Shoji Mezo, UA Hero student, comes from a hometown with similar prejudices and hides his face to avoid scaring people; Tsuragamae Kenji, the fucking chief of police, gets insulted right in his face.

And so the discrimination, the psychology toll of that, the dwindling possibilities available to people like Spinner-- theses issues are also systemic, woven into the structure of HeroAca Japan, and from that arises Villains.

*

But just now I mentioned Shoji, didn’t I?

Just now I pointed out someone who went through similar things and didn’t turn into a mass murderer. Shoji got into UA, best Hero School in the country, he’s a great guy, a nice boy, he overcame these things—

Why had he needed to *overcome* obstacles like that in the first place? Why do these ‘similar things’, these failings exist in the first place? They shouldn’t. They mustn’t in a proper society. No one (’born twisted’ or not) should come into existence with dangers like these hanging over them.

But that’s impossible. That’s how life can be, sometimes. Try as we all might, we can’t prevent all these little things. You can’t save everyone.

Then what exactly are Heroes for? In the society of the HeroAca world, saturated with them, who claim they try to save as many individuals as they can, who promise the people they’ll be there, who took on these obligations when they threw the cape over their shoulders and named themselves after the warriors of divine blood in Greek legends, representing the original meaning of the word ἥρως: hērōs - defender, protector. And they furthermore say, push the limits, go beyond! Anyone can try!

Plus Ultra.

I’m being a bit unreasonable here, true. It’s not fair to the Heroes to expect so much, to make this huge problem a fault of an individual pro-Hero, even if they had agreed to this duty. It’s too immense a task.

But neither was it fair to Spinner that he had to live with the hard, grinding, heavy weight of the failings of Hero society his whole life.

*

Anyways, I think this is why heroes, whenever any opportunity shows up, should reach out their hands to help even the people who don’t ‘deserve’ it.

[tundrainafrica]

i ship levihan but one thing that always irked me was that hanji saved Levi's life twice. and i just feel levi let her go too easily ( i mean i am not saying he shouldn't have let her go, the war and duty is more important but the pacing was too rushed) like even erwin's death got more buildup. for hanji it was like levi didn't resist really.

I get what you mean anon, that’s one of the issues I had with her death. I definitely knew Hange deserved better. I mean when you think about it Levi was eventually gonna let her go. When he was facing her, what else would he have done to stop her right? 

The giants were coming, they needed to get on a plane, the world was being trampled by colossal giants, what leeway did Levi have to argue with Hange or let her go? Even without considering the time, the urgency or the circumstances which made Levi’s reaction to it a little rushed, I want to talk about Levi’s personality and the parallels of Erwin and Hange’s death. 

Levi letting Erwin go and Levi letting Hange go had SOME parallels. 

Parallels which could be used to explain why Levi went about their deaths the way he did. 

1. He didn’t explicitly go against their decision to sacrifice themselves.

If you think about Erwin’s death as well, Levi didn’t actually fight Erwin’s decision to kill himself, In fact Levi was the one who said the words himself. This is similar to Hange’s death, the only attempt we ever seen of Levi trying to stop her was forcing himself to stop her and “hey four eyes...” which was quickly interrupted anyway. 

The difference with Erwin’s death is that we had some hope in the form of that titan serum to bring someone back which made Erwin’s death all the more built up. Season 3 Part 2 was relatively still kinda hopeful though. The final season of Attack on Titan and the manga at the point where Hange died is literally just a wasteland barren of hope and I think both Levi and Hange’s outlook towards the world literally went downhill with the later chapters of the manga, especially with Eren’s betrayal and the start of the rumbling. 

And remember with Erwin’s death, it was proven that Levi is capable of making that type of a difficult choice. And we saw it when he let go of Erwin. And why did Levi make that choice for Erwin? Did he go about that same thought process with Hange? 

2. Both Hange’s and Erwin’s death were a form of atonement and Levi understood that.

I won’t go into too much detail here but we all know that Erwin had selfish motivations all the way until season 3 part 2 which lead to the death of many soldiers. The charge he was to make was the ‘atonement.’ 

For Hange, we’ve seen Hange’s psyche get the beating of the century post time skip (read about my analysis on that here )

Hange’s ‘atonement’ was for the incompetence she saw in herself and the lack of capability she saw in herself as a leader.  

Levi saw the downward spiral of Hange’s psyche. With his decision to let Hange go, Levi wanted her to get the atonement she has been looking for for so long. With Eren’s betrayal, with Sasha’s death, with the splitting up of the survey corps into factions, Hange was definitely wracked to the bone with guilt over her own failures.

Levi made the choice to let her atone for it just like he did with Erwin. 

But Levi should have recognized that it wasn’t her fault right? 

Levi probably did recognize that it wasn’t her fault. Possibly one thing which kept him still considering letting her go on top of that was a need to let her rest? Just like Erwin? And Maybe he understood that Hange would have never rested until she found a chance to make up for it and he understood as he saw her make that decision that that was the only way she could rest.

And we got this dream sequence only confirming what Levi had suspected letting her go like that. 

Hange only rested and she only felt like she had ‘done her duty’ when she sacrificed herself.

And here is one glaring difference between Erwin and Hange’s death which made Levi all the more certain of his decision, even if he probably did not agree that everything that happened was Hange’s fault. 

Erwin still wanted to see the basement and he explicitly told Levi that. That’s why Levi was still vacillitating between injecting Erwin or injecting Armin. Erwin may have still wanted to live, he just wasn’t conscious enough to tell Levi.  

With Hange’s death, we had this exchange. 

Hange made the choice for him. She begged him to let her go. 

On the other hand, Erwin never begged Levi to let him go. He needed Levi to make that decision for him because somehow, he still wanted to live for that selfish reason..

And since we all know, Levi is capable of making this decision, Hange’s words only made him decide on letting her go, all the more quickly (on top of the circumstances)

I also think we could see hints that Levi had already prepared himself to let her go a long time ago, especially with the exchange below. That exchange down there is some character development for Levi. Levi recognizes Hange’s drive to atone for her actions, her drive to fight till the end and not to run away. He recognized that something like that could eventually happen.

Levi has been watching the people he love drop like flies since even before the series even started. And every single time, we have seen his development from ‘stopping Isabel and Farlan from going on a mission with him’ to ‘threaten to break Erwin’s legs’ to ‘I’ll inject Armin instead of Erwin’ to  ‘you know what, I give up we’re probably all gonna die.’ And I think the bleakness of the situation just made letting go just a quicker and quicker process for Levi every time as he saw the hopelessness of each situation and the inevitability of death with every comrade who left him.

Anyway, I hope this meta helps you cope with 132. I mean it’s been 4 chapters but we’re all still crying. 

But hey, at least she made it that far right? I mean she could have died in the first fifty chapters am i right?  :’)

[theunconcernedembalmer]

ok i got the aesvic out of my system now time to pick apart the letter n why i wont really be following aesops diary exactly here. literally no one asked but i wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere cos i have. a lot

just gonna put a quick rundown of aesops diary entry as a refresher (mostly for myself so i dont miss anything): he dreamt that he was helping jerry with what was probably a murder n was affirmed n he thinks its a sign congratulating him on carrying out his duty. over the years, he carries out his duties as an undertaker n comes to the manor looking for a “fresh start” aka what sounds like his first victim. according to aesop, said victim should be quiet, n potential victim number 1 is victor. something about badly needing him to become his “silent friend” n he mentions he’ll get to wick n the 2 other survivors in due time, but for now he’s very eager to start his “mission”.

im generally okay with the letter (i have seen so many fights over this aha) cos there is no surprise he wants to kill ppl (ppl who r fighting over this point. did u even read his deductions?? guy happily killed his mentor??). but i didnt quite like the fact that he still looks up to jerry (although. i guess thats valid i just. dont like it). i was also initially kind of confused about the real reason why he would want to kill ppl since as u progress through the letter it sounds less like he kills for duty (cos of the whole dream thing at the start) but more “because i want to :)”, which is an okayish edgy kinda take imo. like not that u cant characterize aesop as Kill Kill Murder Die, but i kinda find that. pretty boring in the long term.

im just gonna put what my original take on aesop was, like all of it. first off, he hates jerry. u cannot tell me a psychotic serial killer like that can raise a child without emotional trauma. like any child, this isnt even counting the extra damage done because hes autistic. (n i also hc that aesop has read his moms letter to him at some point, n he should have come to the conclusion that it was somewhat also jerrys fault, whether through logic or denial that his mom would want to leave him, so that just adds to it.) but as much as he hates him, his teachings are the only ones hes been exposed to, n its been so ingrained in him since young so even if he hates jerry he would still subscribe to whatever twisted ideology jerry was feeding him, which ill get to in a sec.

going through his accessories, he has that origami that he folds for each of his clients, n it shows that underneath it all, aesop is still kind. this isnt expected of him n its definitely not part of his job scope as an embalmer. he (still?) has the heart to wish the best for those that have departed n takes the time n effort to fold one for each n every client he sends off, which is probably a lot. so going off on that, my hc is that jerry, being the manipulative asshole that he is (who probably definitely manipulated his mom into indirect suicide) probably used his kindness against him to make him believe that by murdering ppl he is helping them, framing all of his serial kills as a sort of mercy kill (like his mom). so the thing that aesop takes away from all this is the very twisted logic that by killing ppl he is helping them, therefore being a good embalmer and a good person in general. n everyone wants to be a sort of good person, or at least for aesop that is part of his job description to be a good embalmer. n we all know aesop is very serious about his job.

i also hc that he has killed several ppl between killing jerry n coming to the manor, cos i follow the story that he took the invitation from that poor lady n thats how he ended up at the manor. surely the lady didnt come to him right after jerry died?? but anyway, the way i see it is that he thought he liked to kill. like he finally truly understood why jerry kills so much (which is interesting now that i think about it. guy really just went along with all those murders without truly believing huh), because it felt good to kill. at least thats what he thought, the revelation that killing felt good n is good, but i say its because he hated jerry, n offing someone u kinda hate should probably feel pretty gucci. n its also so much easier to pick clients off the streets than in the manor, so i would think that he has killed ppl like his mentor did, but each time he did the great feeling that came with ending ppls life just. wasnt as good as the first time round. it just became a sort of normal satisfaction of a successful embalming.

this can go two ways: 1. he keeps on killing to try to find that great feeling again, which is cool i guess (n probably what canon would want, except canon states that he hasnt killed since jerry), but id like to go with 2. he just stops because jerry isnt around to enforce it whenever he isnt feeling up to psychoing someone to their death (which is probably how jerry got his victims, n damn if that doesnt take a lot of mind games that i dont think aesop has the mental capacity for since half of it is fighting with his social anxiety n other issues. dealing with alive strangers?? no thanks?? i doubt he would have learnt properly how to lure in clients as efficiently as jerry because of this, mostly cos he was only needed for the murder afterparty aka embalming n funerals). n as much as he stays professional, there is no. professional way of gaslighting someone to their death.

(n also since ppl have pointed out that his twitter replies n other kinda informal stuff have shown that aesop does have reverent respect for life, which also adds to him not being so blindly bloodthirsty as implied in the letter. i dont really see the twitter replies as very canon, but it does make sense that he would come to revere life with his unique take and obsession over death, for one cannot exist without the other)

so this leads me to the motive that aesop brings to the manor, at least how i see it. he isnt exactly coming to the manor to kill per se (like from the very early story, he came to the manor to return the letter to a relative of the deceased lady, something about respecting her last wishes. something like that, its really been a while since i saw that exerpt), so like killing ppl isnt his main purpose of visit. its more of hes always on the lookout for weaker (or at least those that take less mind games to kill) people to mercy kill, n it just so happens that he knows the manor n his mentor almost died from there, so theres a pretty good chance he can find some ppl that fall into this category n so it just so happens that he also has a job to do there. its still counted as a Job for him since no ones gonna tell him that embalmers dont actually. murder. 

so in my version, aesop only tries to sway ppl that he knows he can convince, n these ppl would typically be those very sickly ones like his mom (andrew im looking at u) or those with an actual death wish/ very weak will to live. but here aesop is choosing his “first victim”, and the criteria for that is... quiet? never mind “not evading him” and “not cranky” being on the list too, but that isnt quite what i was expecting from someone so dedicated to their duty of murder. sure he wants an easy first kill, but like. i dont think its consistent if his motive was really to continue jerrys bastard legacy. especially when the next paragraph is essentially him gushing over victor, that... sort of implies something else. or at least in the way i see it, since i believe that canon wants us to think that aesop just really loves to kill.

aesop likes victor. very much so. so much till he wants to kill him. which i guess makes sense cos he likes death, n now he likes victor. so he just. puts the two things he likes together. whats better than victor? dead victor. anyway the rest of the letter is more like “whatever, i technically should kill the others too but my priority is victor” so like. he confuses his (dare i say) yandere tendencies with his duty since the end goal for both is a body in a coffin.

having said that. i know i have aesvic brainrot but i also know this is one sided as hell (at least from the letter alone, not counting the letter shaped cookies in his birthday art that apparently belonged to victors birthday cake aha) n lowkey alarming since. the goal is to kill victor. i kinda want to interpret it as him genuinely wanting to be friends with victor (really wanting him to be a “silent friend”, maybe cos he doesnt actually know how to be friends with living ppl n is better with dead ones? therefore victor should be dead to be friends?) but not knowing how to n throwing in his obsession with death ends up with. this minor disaster waiting to happen. but i uh. dont know if this is valid. its valid to me at least, with my original interpretation of aesop. n again cos of his ingrained professionalism, he also kinda sees this as part of his job to send ppl off, so its another plus. not for victor, tho.

idk if ill add this yandere side in my aesop. i mean my boi has technically tried to kill victor multiple times in the past HAHAHAHA. maybe like sometimes he can be a bit obsessive. as a treat. but generally nah cos thats definitely gonna end up in a murder somewhere somehow n i cant. just kill victors here on the ask blog scene lashjflkjhdlfkjhas

so yeah that kinda takes care of the last part of the letter, as for the first part. as much as aesop hates jerry, i would also think hes pretty starved for affirmation (like i said jerry isnt going to be a good parent figure ever) n i guess it makes sense if the only times jerry has ever complimented him was aiding him in his kills n hiding the evidence, which might (?) add to his desire to kill (but that probably dies with jerry aha). so the way i see it as aesop is getting affirmation n takes it as a good sign instead of. remotely liking jerry. idk if im stretching it a little but i really dont like the take where hes okay with jerry. anyway we are ignoring that he hasnt killed before entering the manor cos that doesnt quite make sense to me (i wasnt dreaming about the letter from a lady stabbed in the face 36 times or so right???? right???????)

im also not like. trying to defend him, im just trying to make sense of his diary. boi has issues n is a little too far gone (not as far as canon tho), in my take very deluded in his way of showing kindness. literally cool motive still murder (or in canon, just murder?), please get therapy. but i just dont really like the direction that the letter was originally trying to imply, with him really just hell bent on murder without like. a clear motive (at least to me it isnt very clear since the last part really doesnt sound consistent with his supposed intentions). i mean i love being edgy with aesop every now n then but i dont think it would make for meaningful characterizations in the long run so. ill still be sticking with my original take on aesop with maybe a bit of yandere for victor cos thats always fun