#i mean its nowhere near actually realistic

[little-flame-prince]

my danganronpa hot take is that toko isn't actually that bad of representation, at least compared to other examples of did in media

[haechurch]

forgetting me, forgetting you

It's not the way that jeno doesn't look at you the same. It's not the way of him chasing after a girl and leaving you behind in the evening downpour. It's not the way jeno said he didn't even love you that night. It's just nothing but your broken heart.

pairing: idol!jeno x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff (kinda), angstt

wc: 4.8+k

warnings: minors dni, unprotected sex, oral (m, f receive), spitting, kind of meanie jeno, implied exhibitionist, degrading, praising, spanking, teasing, fingering, tons of pet name, hard and soft sex, etc etc, you know when i said idol and fan relationship its just so unreal as well as how their jobs work lmao ((i had a problem to make this at least a lil bit realistic) also not seem too delusional but- just pls dont @ me, i mean its a fic)

! how embarrassing that this shit got posted accidentally (i hate tmblr) my pupils were literally shaking lol. for those who might accidentally saw this (i know theres not even a soul who cares abt it..) ofc i had this to be revised also its inspired by rv song, in my dreams, (originally the title for this one but i changed it!) i might also have songs recommendation, its [coldplay-yellow > conan gray-astronomy > yoari-dice game > exo-hurt > davichi-forgetting you > red velvet-in my dreams]

Everything was pandemonium from the start. You saw jeno in person for the first time in the concert venue. Yes. He is the singer. That singer. A born-talented, handsome, lovable idol from nct. He didn't even know you were there, in the crowd of audience hyping his band up. Never in your dreams you thought you'd met him in person, but fate brings you two together. It was what you believed until then. Fate brings your jeno who has never been yours in the first place to kindly remind you that he will never be yours even at the end of the time.

You worked hard for your pay. You work as an employee (that mostly work for dreamies) under jeno's company after you earned your post graduate title while studying in korea. That point when you made it out, you never even thought that this was a real chance to finally get him.

That's just insane, to get lee jeno, in a somehow, romantic way. But you tried anyway. Ordinary person with an extraordinary person? Or can you just say idols and fans relationship? That jeno from all the people living on this earth? Mostly impossible. Those who live around you will think you're crazy for wanting someone who literally exists in a different world from you. Even though you're 'coexisting' with him and seeing him from time to time, that would not be enough; so near yet so far.

It's so hard to work under the company and let it flow at first. Without a will, you'll never get what you want. Even though this one is nearly impossible, you attempt to keep the mindset that revolves around you: it will work if you try, try, try and try.

But it's useless. Who do you think you are? You can't even be allowed to speak nor get close to him except if it's necessary. It's hard to work with him like a normal acquaintance. To them, to jeno, you're simply invisible. 

However, you did make it clear enough. No surrendering. That's the least you can keep in mind. 

But again, he didn't even spare you a glimpse.

Then there was this day when you two were put together in the same dressing room, waiting for some interviews coming up. There's actually no reason for you to not share the same room because technically, you're their regular staff. The rest of the members and other staff were nowhere to be found, it was you and him. You and jeno all alone in the same room. You nearly choked yourself when you were about to open your mouth as jeno scooted to where you sat. 

"Hi." He lightly started the conversation. You swear to god you can hear your own heartbeat. Keeping yourself calm and professional, you hum and put the sweetest smile to him. "Hello."

"I'm so sorry if i sound rude, but i believe we're around the same age? I've been seen you around and i just knew you're a regular staff in here," you intensely stared at him, eyes widened in disbelief that he just casually- 

"We can be friends if you wan-" 

"We can?!"

-asked you to be his friend.

Realizing you just replied to him in 0,023 seconds, you covered your mouth and muttered 'sorry' to him. He just laughed. Oh. That laugh.

That's when you feel like you two were 'getting closer' as he asked you to be his friend for some idiotic reason (u really have no idea why the universe would gave you this kind of, miracle, you'd say, but you're fucking grateful).

Of course you can be friends with everyone. Also a staff (fan) and an artist couldn't be an exception, right? But once again who are you kidding, lee jeno is super busy, and you should know it could probably the friendship that only lasts for four hours.

You didn't meet jeno for weeks and you missed him so bad. Sometimes you got to talk to him after he befriend you (tho it happens only if you had that rare chance) but both of you didn't get a long time to properly talk and have a good conversation. And it's been a long time, you just missed him.

Did he perhaps miss you too? Did he ever think about you even just for a split second? You shake your head from the thoughts and scoff at yourself. He probably already erased you from his memory. And that night, you drifted into a deep slumber whilst thinking about how he wouldn't remember you.

―

But you were dead wrong. That day was very hot because apparently, it's in the middle of summer, and you were called for a job in a broadcasting house which happened to be the same place for the band to attend their schedule.

You're standing in front of a vending machine, getting a drink when you hear someone call your name. You turned around and found jeno, looking at you with his smiling eyes.

"Jeno!? What are you doing here?" You can't hide your pearly whites when you see him, so please meet him again after a while.

"We're having some jobs here. How about you?" He asked. 

"Um, me too! But mine's still running, i take a little coffee break right before come back to the site. Have you finished yours?"

"Yes, actually," jeno scratched his nape awkwardly before he continued. "Uhh, do you perhaps want to meet me after you are done? Just for a sec?" He asked.

"Sure! I'll text you when i'm done?" 

Yes, you both are having each other's numbers but can't even communicate a single thing through it. He didn't text you. And you, being the one who shamelessly asked for his numbers which he gladly gave it, never once texts him because as you can see, you're being professional enough to keep your words that it's only for the matter of work.

"Cool." You both smiled to each other and stood awkwardly for a good seconds until jeno left. 

So, did he just wait for you until you're done because he said he just finished his schedule? Is that even possible for him to do that?

The answer is yes. Though with a little bit of delay. He asked you to meet him after you're done, just to have you wait for him in the nearby cafe for nearly 20 minutes.

Jeno: uhh hi its jeno

Jeno: im so sorry for keeping you waiting

You: oh hii

You: nah its okayy not a biggie

Jeno: its the manager hyung, i told him i have to go somewhere but you know its hard to cooperate with them :/

Jeno: look i promise it will just need to b arranged real fast okay

You: okaaay i know youre busy you can really take your time tho

Jeno: so sorry ;(((

You: jeno its fine :*

You: :(

Jeno: thanjk you for the understanding ;)

Jeno: ill be there in.. 5 mins?

You: ill be here waiting!

You were smiling like crazy reading his texts. All you did was blushing and heart skipping while replying to him. He was so cute. And it's the first time you guys exchange texts. And he did it first! (how its a big deal for you)

Then there he is. Entering the cafe with a little skip and making a bee line to your table then sit down in front of you. 

"Right on time." He said jokingly. You just chuckled at him.

"Sooo what's up? What is it that you wanted to talk about in your very packed schedule, busy bee?"

He exhaled harshly before replying. "Nothing. Just wanna get out and have some fresh air."

He averted his gaze to yours before continue, "with my new friend." 

You raised one of your eyebrows at the boy. "Yeah? I thought you already forgot me because i was just simply a girl that worked at your company," you talk as you fold your hands.

"Why would i? I'll remember you anyway. You once fell in front of me when you were about to open some door and that actually was funny as hell. Shouldn't laugh but i can't help it. Oops. Should have not told you this part too..."

Your face heated in a second, and yes, you did that and it was humiliating and you felt very stupid. That time you were about to enter the conference room at the company building, but jeno (also the other members were there) was opening the door at the same time, unfortunately you stumbled on your feet and ended up kneeling at his.

He take a glance at you again then continue. "And you're pretty pretty."

You immediately looked up to him. You can't explain how his sudden confession affect you so much and leave your heart throbbing like crazy. 

Fortunately you can keep your act.

You chuckled and replied, "and what's that supposed to mean."

"I'm just saying that you're beautiful." 

He surely knows how to mess with your heart.

"And i'm getting worried that your eyes might have a problem," you laughed, more to laughing at yourself.

"No. I meant it."

You looked at him again, flustered, and he smiled when he saw you taken aback. A mischievous smile to be exact.

"Are you flirting with me?" Of course you were kidding. Asking that kind of question sounds nonchalant, even have no shame. But you had nothing to lose anyway.

"Would you accept it?" 

You blinked rapidly, your heart beating so fast in your chest, your palms were sweaty. He got you questioning yourself on how you can not fall for him even more? It's getting even deeper every minute you spend your time with him. He's dangerous. 

You were stunned for a moment. You felt like your cheeks burned, they're emitting flame. Your head short circuited for a while yet all you can think about is jeno. Jeno jeno jeno and jeno. The moment you can't hold it back from spilling, you just let it burst.

"I like you." 

Oh, you don't even care anymore about your image. The moment you spit that you felt like the most stupid, dense person alive on earth.

"I know." 

He responded in a heartbeat, and you felt fire burn a hole into you.

"You what?"

"I said i know. I noticed. And i do to."

"I'm so lost." You started to believe that you're out of your mind.

"I'm saying that i like you too."

Your pupils doesn't even falter when you stare at his face. You might just scream or gasp or even cry, but you were too stunned to speak, the way you were so calm also surprised yourself. You shake your head as you doubt your hearing and gave him a bitter smile.

"You're joking."

"Yes." 

Your eyes widen from his answer. He's such a prankster. 

"Jeno!"

He laughed. His laugh is so carefree but feels shy at the same time, that is just screaming lee jeno so much.

"So what am i supposed to say? You already heard me."

"I'm just trying to seek clarity." You narrow your eyes playfully. Now you don't even know where the confidence in you came from.

"You're my clarity." 

Now that sounds straight up came from a song lyric.

This whole time you think that you're crazy for wanting lee jeno, but here you are having a little cafe date and knowing him to have the same feeling as you are.

-

"Ah!" you squeal as your head thud against the hard surface.

"Sorry," jeno apologized as he giggled, then continue to peppering kisses down your neck.

Both of you were alone in a room at the backstage, making out like crazy before he bring you to the nearest table and pin you down. You sigh blissfully, thanking heaven every time your bodies this close, that you finally have jeno for your own and not anybody else. It's not the first time that he finally touched you, but every single one of his touches feels like the first time.

Oh, of course that didn't just happen in a night. He's been so sweet and kind to you that you mistaken his deed as something more than platonic relationship.

He bought you food. He told the manager to drop you off at your apartment at night when the schedule's over. You both go to the staff's cafeteria and eat lunch together. You offer him to go cycling together when he's off, and he did. He lent you his airpods when you lost one. You brewed his morning coffee. He called you one night and said that he's missing you. You asked him if you can do the same, texting or calling him as a normal friend would do despite both of your jobs. And that one night where he sneaked out to your apartment just to say that he wanted you.

That moment you thought everything is indeed possible. 

"Jen! Wait!"

He's currently railing you stupid at the backstage.

Now both of your hands were on the wall, legs spread open for him to easily pound you from the back. 

"Shit, this pussy's so tight." He slowed down, dragging his cock precise and keen, watching how his length appeared then disappeared inside your pussy.

"You like that baby?"

Your ears are buzzing, eyes fluttering, you only mewl and all you can hear is squelching sounds from how wet your pussy is before he sped up, skins clapping resonated all over the room.

When you didn't answered, he stopped and brings your hair to a ponytail then yanked your head up so your back is now against him as he whispered, "i said, am i fucking you good, little slut?" Well he can be cruel sometimes, but both of you know his mouth isn't that dirty on daily basis. He's just having his moment.

"Fuck yes," you finally speak.

Jeno railed into you again, he prop you to stand up, right hand on your hip, clamping so hard it'll leave bruises, and left hand grasping at your jaw to make you face him, his lips ghosting between your ear and lips, heavy breathing and all.

When he brushed against your earlobe, he whispered right onto your ear, "open your fucking mouth."

You obliged, as he bent your neck back and you presented all of yourself in front of him, he spit into your mouth. "Perfect. Keep it there like a good girl you are." 

Jeno started to pick up pace again, this time hitting your spot deliciously over and over, sending you to the cloud nine.

You agape as you moan, all while your mouth full of your and his spit, nonetheless making an effort to keep jeno's words but you're already drooling all over your chin.

"J-jen.."

"Shh, no need to say a thing baby girl, keep your pretty mouth shut."

Jeno suddenly lift you up and prop your back against the table. He's hovering over you, tapping your cheek, oblige you to open your mouth again, and spit another glob into yours.

"Now keep that warm and safe, you could do that, right angel?"

He asked and you only nodded in response. "That's it. Now let me make you feel good."

He spread your dangling legs by pushing on your thighs then dragging his hard and big cock along your slit, making a quite lubrication.

You're a whiny mess, never in your life you thought you'd have sex with lee jeno in a random room on their backstage, and he's pretty wild at the moment.

Before you can process a thing, he's already on his knee, eating you out slowly. You tug at his hair and hoist your hip up, but he's keeping you in place. He's taking his time, kitten licking at your opening with a slow pace, sucking softly at the clit, but it already making you tremble and wanting more. He's keeping the act for a while before the frustrations hit you.

"Jeno, hurry the fuck up."

He stop doing his ministrations, and as he pissed off, he suddenly lift you up again, your front pushed to the nearest wall.

"What did i just say to you? Shut your fucking mouth. Don't fucking speak. Why did you speak?"

He landed a couple of hard slap against your ass, making you yelp and shriek, "i-m sorry, please," your head drooped, your body trembling, but not from fear.

It's excitement.

Another slap on your ass. "Please what? Tell me, angel, what is it?

He kneaded your flesh and put his length between your ass cheek, nuzzling it sensually, and it made you bite your lip hard, can't take his teasing no more.

"Please," you almost sob. "Please, jeno, fuck me."

You beg, and he immediately bend you fully over again, both of his hands were on your hips as he fuck you into oblivion.

"Princess wanna get fucked. What she wants, she gets." 

He kissed his teeth before he rammed into you, hitting that sweet spot precisely over and over again it felt so good. Your hands and legs almost gave up, but he grabbed your hip in place. As you moan and scream for him, he keep chanting that he want you to come for him.

"Jeno, i'm fucking close- fuck," your hair is tangled, you're a drooling mess, your eyes rolled up. He fuck you so good it leave you dumb. Jeno's hips never once falter, he keep fucking into you rapidly as you whine non stop.

"Fuck, come all over me. Come on," he encouraged you.

"Coming!" You're a moaning mess, pussy can't help but tightened around him, making him curse under his breath. He continue to pistoning as he chasing his high, prolonged your own orgasm.

"Fuck, gonna cum," his thrust remain steady until it finally stopped, buried so deep inside you as he fill you up to the brim. Jeno finally pulled out, your hands and elbow propped against the wall as you arched your back while bending over, giving him a full sight of your ass and pussy overflowing with his cum. 

"Shit.." jeno cursed as he ran a hand through his fringe.

You felt your bodies emitting fog from the fever, glistening with sweat.

Just after that, you both heard a knock and someone's shouting.

"Are you guys done there? Jeno, get your loud ass out there right now, we're running out of time." 

You wouldn't miss whose voice it was.

It's fucking na jaemin. You felt embarrassment creep down your spine when you realized he found out, although nothing like the rest of the members doesn't know about the relationship you two have. But still, caught red handed fucking in the backstage with his band mate is a little bit..

"That's embarrassing.." you sigh while covering your face, making jeno chuckled as he patted your head.

"He'll get used to it." He smiled like a puppy, as he not merely fuck you senseless just now.

-

You said that it's embarrassing. But it seems like you're liking how unusual things did give you some thrilling sensations you can't explain. Since then, you've had sex with jeno in the void meeting room when everybody's leaving from work. It's giving you anxiety on what if someone's barge in, or the worst-you'd get kicked out from the company and never ever get the same job even at the different place again-but funnily, you can't resist the good feeling jeno made you and the realization that you were actually enjoying the shit, eventually not giving any fuck if someone know.

Another day of you and jeno spending time together in the same room, giving some different kind of affections to each other. And you're just too afraid to say something; to ask him: 'what are we?' Because you couldn't be more happy with what's happening between you two now. And tonight is a bit different because you feel your heart ache in the way he hold you as he won't let go.

"Jeno.." you arched your back when his tongue trailed from your abdomen up to your breasts while he attempted to unclasp your bra.

After freeing the flesh, he mumbled in awe, "beautiful."

He latched his tongue on your nipple, swirling it with purpose, to make you even wet just for him, and him only, just like the way he liked it.

"Fuck, it feels so good, don't stop," you pulled on his hair, a signal for him to keep going. 

"Yeah? You like that, pretty girl?" Jeno kneaded on your swell as he sucked again on your nipple.

"Louder. Moan louder for me." And that's what you did. Your fucked up sounds is a music to his ears, railing him up to the extent where he just wanted to sink in you. 

Jeno cupped your sex, your panties were damp in arousal. "Shit, look at you. So fucking wet." He slid his fingers up and down your panties before he slipped his fingers in. You whimpered when his cold digit met your folds. He only play with your opening and clit, but it already drive you crazy. You're practically drooling, he's collecting your essence on his fingers before he bring it up to his mouth, tasting your arousal. You huff and puff, look already fucked up before him when he barely did anything.

"So pretty. So fucked up. So needy for me."

All you did is fucking whine. Lee jeno is driving you insane.

"Please," you plead. "Jeno,"

"Hm? What is it princess?" He asked with a sweet mocking tone.

"Fingers. Want your fingers inside me." You sternly told him, but your gaze was infirm.

He chuckled then replied, "of course baby, you'll have it. But later. I have to taste you first. Will you let me?"

He asked for your permission and what on earth is stopping you from letting him eat you out? Of course you would never say no.

"Pleasee," your whiny voice made him smile from ear to ear in satisfaction.

"Love it when you beg."

Jeno get down to eye level with your pussy before dive in. Your hips wouldn't stop thrusting up to him and pulling his hair, his strong hands looping on your thighs. At this rate his face buried deep between you legs and tongue prod into your cunt, exploring your hole, lips trying so hard to swallow you up, open mouthed kiss at your pussy, sucking and lapping. He's eating you out like there's no tomorrow. 

"Fuck, i think i'm gonna cum."

Jeno chuckled, "already? So spoilt."

Jeno bring his fingers down and curled the digit expertly inside your pussy, you're wiggling like crazy when he reached that sweet spot that got your pussy tightening around him, then he sucked your clit hard, made you cum in instant at his doing.

You gradually came down from your high and stared at him in the eye, begging.

"Jeno, please, let me suck you off."

He feels like he's flying up the cloud seeing you prettily begged for him. Then he smiled, "can't say no to a pretty girl like you."

You bit your lip before you kneeled in front of him, taking a hand of his hard cock and kissed the tip. You hold onto his balls while you licked and sucked along his shaft until your tongue met with the tip, then sink into his cock, swallowing him whole. You bobbed your head up and down, sucking in intensity. He groaned and bring his hand through your hair, while he got his head thrown back against the headboard.

"You're doing so good baby, keep going."

He hissed painfully, his muscles clenched and his grab on your hair is getting tight. Your left hand massaging his balls, mouth sucking at the tip, the other hand stroking the rest of his shaft.

"Fuck, i'm not gonna last." He hold your head and thrust into your mouth, chasing his high. Your gagged sound heard all over the room, eyes pricked from tears. His groan went louder and that's when he came all over your mouth, and you swallowed all of his seed like a good girl, his good girl.

You lap all of his fluid, cleaning his cock clean, and lick your own lips.

"God you're pretty." His stare full with admiration, then he caged you between his arms, locked your lips with his in a passionate kiss. Tongue dancing with each other, nipping at one's lip. Both of you moan into the kiss, until he break it first.

Your back arched so high, hips pressed against his own, wanted more just than kissing him, but he pushed your belly down and leaned in.

"Need you now. Need to make love to you."

Once again, your heart sank at his confession. You're already tearing up as he pushed his big cock into you, soon picking up a steady pace to thrust between your wall, all while kissing you out. His kiss felt so soft and sweet, but also fragile at the same time. Your bodies met, no space in between. You hug him tightly, so afraid that he might just run away or disappear in the blink of an eye. He made you feel so good you're crying, can't even think or talk straight, your mind felt numb.

That night, you remembered vividly the last word he said before you passed out.

"I love you."

-

The rainy night made you feel all lazy. You wouldn't get up from bed if you just didn't feel the urge to go to the convenience store and fulfill your craving with some warm food. You're definitely starving.

You take out your umbrella because it's still raining, but as you nearly arrived, it's became a drizzle before it came to a stop.

You fold your umbrella as you walk closer, but before entering the place, you definitely saw jeno at the dark aisle between two buildings; making out with who the fuck you don't care, as if someone could've not just pass by and saw them two passionately changing spits.

You froze in your place, can't even walk any closer to where jeno was. You felt anger bubbling up to your chest and at the same time, you can't help your heart from breaking into pieces.

But as someone's controlling you, you suddenly stomped on your feet, making a way to them with balled fists, and you nearly scream when you call him out.

"Jeno."

The two broke the kiss after couple of seconds as if they're unbothered, both dripping from the drizzle. He turned at you, eyes dark and indicating that he wasn't even surprised to see you there. 

But then he opened his mouth, "how th-"

"What the fuck?" You cut him before he talk, spitting your anger out, voice all husky and spiteful, extremely vulnerable at the same time.

"Who the fuck is that?" Your eyes burned from restraining tears roll down your cheeks.

"What happened with the other days when we literally spent time together? Yesterday, you just- we just- fuck, i- i thought you just said that you lo-"

You can't help but blubbering, can't even say the last word you meant from spilling out. It's too much.

The girl he was making out with tried to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist.

You scoffed, speechless.

Did he just stop her?

Sickeningly, he just walked by you as he made a way out while dragging her with him.

You swear you just felt so fucking dumbfounded. He didn't even say a word since earlier.

When you can't hold your tears back again, you break out and scream his name out. 

"LEE JENO!"

He looked back from his shoulder, but he still put the same blank expression in front of you before he chuckled.

"Well. Looks like i've got nothing to explain since you already saw it."

Still standing with the balled fists, you can't even talk as you were trying so hard to figure things out. Why the fuck did he do this? Did this to you?

"I believe you're capable enough to think with your little brain, princess."

Suddenly, the rain started to pouring again, leaving you all soaked up gradually.

He's giving you the nastiest smile he have ever showed you as he made his getaway with the girl and said,

"Wake the fuck up. I have never loved you."

―

And that's when you wake up from your dreams.

As your eyes fluttered, you felt tears running from the corner of your eyes, making your sideburns damp uncomfortably.

This fucking whole thing is a dream. A dream that's so real.

No wonder that all of it was happening so fast; and absurd.

Now you can't even think of jeno the same way anymore if you see him at work. 

You checked your phone. Of course it's december. You laughed bitterly at yourself when you realized you trapped with jeno in your dreams when it's fucking summer. You swear you can even feel the heat. It just felt so true.

You get up on your elbows then cursed under your breath before muttered to yourself, "never thought you'd love and hurt me at the same time."

And it's not even in the real world.

Is it better because it's just a dream? Or is it not because the real thing is even more an awful truth you need to accept?

That's when you realized that the meaning of impossible is literally as it is. It's the time for you to understand that both of you is poles apart, that he is different.

You'll never ever get him, and you need to forget him; as he might already forget you.

[slavicafire]

How do you feel about the new government sworn in? Do you think they will actually legislate same sex marriage?

I’m waiting cautiously. I’m from the diaspora, but I’m eligible (on paper) to claim citizenship. I’m in a queer marriage tho, and on top of that I am trans. I am extremely lucky to live in a country where my status as a queer trans person is not only protected but also entirely unremarkable.

I know things have been so dire for so long, and that even if legislation changes for the good, the opinion of many people are probably still extremely queer phobic and willing to commit hate crimes, what with the death grip the Church still has.

But it would be nice to see the land my grandparents loved so much and missed even more.

I will be honest with you here - my opinions on this subject are certainly unpopular, and thus rather tricky to discuss in depth within the limitations of an ask answer. still:

one, I do not believe they will legislate same sex marriage anytime soon - it is as if wondering whether we will reach that beautiful island on the horizon when we've not only not built the port yet, but haven't even felled the trees for the boat. and the forest is church property, too.

but two - it's not part of the criteria through which I judge the new government; the fact that I don't see them bringing about 'marriage equality' is nowhere near the list of gripes I have with them. partially because I believe there are much more pressing issues that I fear they won't focus on enough - and, perhaps more importantly, because I am at heart an opponent of marriage as such.

this is where the complexity of my views starts making the online discussion more difficult. while I am, personally, anti-marriage, I am not actively advocating for its dissolution or attacking those within the civil rights movement - including lgbt+ activists - who want its rank, and legal and cultural protection, bestowed upon them. it'd be unrealistic and entirely counterproductive of me - as these efforts are simply realistically understandable. but it does mean that I don't see it as this glorious end-to-all-troubles for gay people, nor do I focus my political endeavours and stamina on advocating for it, so it is not a lens I look at things through.

still, if you want to see the village or city of your grandparents for sentimental reasons, I do hope you will be able to safely do so in as near a future as possible.

[whoredmode]

So SR has always had things like zombies in it, basing off that - what are your thoughts on supernatural elements? Do they exist, or is it all a hoax?

if you’re asking if there’s any supernatural elements in my canon, absolutely not. if you read my pinned and go through my tags i make it pretty clear that any supernatural elements do not exist in my canon. zombies, aliens, whatever else have been omitted completely. the “zombie lin” stuff is probably as close as it gets, but that’s a complete urban legend, and i’ll link some stuff i’ve written here and here on the topic. honestly i’m more than happy to talk about stilwater’s worldbuilding and urban legends, if that’s of anyone’s interest.

and if it counts, anteros also claims to see ghosts after he wakes up from his coma. that’s a whole thing. also the philosotologists are technically a UFO cult, as in they believe in an extraterrestrial higher power (but it’s very obviously not true).

but if you’re just asking my general thoughts on sr’s relationship w the paranormal, it’s….contentious to say the least. here’s the thing. sr1 and sr2 knew how to be video games. they told grounded stories w grounded gameplay but knew when to up the ante, when to add hyperreal elements and absurdity. it was suited to the moment. it was tongue-in-cheek. it wasn’t placed as a large canon centerpiece. it wasn’t meant for you to take it seriously, and that’s when it worked. i really enjoy that. but srtt’s zombie shit in the last act of its story comes completely out of left field, completely detracts from the story, makes no sense, and is just a nuisance in actual gameplay. in the previous two games, zombies were a joke—you get your dead friend back as a homie. it’s not “canon” to the story you’re experiencing, to the world they live in. srtt suddenly saying “actually zombies are real and now an island is infested w them” is just. pushing it. it’s bad. but imo it’s nowhere near the levels of pointless and embarrassing that sriv is.

i swear i could write a fucking thesis on how sriv is the perfect example of how not to end an ongoing story/canon. my thoughts on the aliens and supernatural elements of sriv? it’s bad. garbage. worst anyone’s ever done it. at least srtt gives me the option to just physically ignore the zombies on arapice island, even if it means having to take the long way around. aliens are baked into every contrived piece of sriv. there’s no getting away from it.

so like i said. contentious. i think when it’s done in a purposefully cheeky and non-obtrusive way, it works great. it adds a lot of memorable charm. having those moments of heightened reality, hints of something beyond our realm, it gives you so much more creative leeway for telling a meaningful and grounded story bc you have the freedom to interpret that as you want. but being forced to reckon w it in a canon way like srtt and sriv do, it forces a complete tonal shift. you can’t really do that grounded realistic story anymore when you suddenly add “zombies and aliens are actually real” and especially w what sriv does to the story. and like. hey. i totally understand if that’s your thing. some people really prefer the supernatural aspect and want that space adventure. more power to you. but if i wanted to have a story about people fighting aliens or zombies, i’d just play a different game.

[theemperorsnewfanblog]

since I really wanna get into it, more about character development in the emperor's new school:

to say it had no character development seems wrong. Maybe Kuzco's was the least obvious, but Kronk clearly grew from his movie self. The show gave him entire episodes where he learns his self worth and to not put up with Yzma unfairly treating him. He's sassy and insults her plans regularly, and refuses to go along with many schemes if they go against his values. He was developed by the end, as much so that Kuzco trusts him enough to make him his royal advisor. 

Yzma also goes through development, well not linear development straight to being a good person, but she goes through some. There's a whole episode where she's trying to get rid of Kuzco so she can finally become empress, but she ruins her chance to make that a reality because it endangers his life. She learns that even her villainous self has standards. There's also an episode where she's frustrating Kuzco with her plots to destroy him, and Kuzco let's her know he's fed up and she admits to him that even she doesn't always enjoy it and she just feels pressured from her mother to become empress. Now she doesn't stop scheming on him, in her words "I'm evil, what do I care" but she gives him a break and the episode ends with Yzma and Kuzco just hanging out. She's evil but nowhere near as much as she was in the movie. 

Malina kinda gets development. She's introduced as a perfect student and goodie goodie, and I'm sure her classmates still view her that way by the finale. But she admits to her faults of being too competitive, shallow, and sometimes a little mean. The episode where she upstages Yatta and gets her fired but then purposefully ruins her own reputation for her friends sake comes to mind. Through her relationship with Kuzco she learns to care less about what others think and that it's ok to be more carefree. 

With Kuzco, I mean there are actually a lot of moments of development, but people don't seem to count them because again, they think that character development needs to be linear. But let's look at the first and last episode. In the first he's selfish, hates Kuzco academy, is friendless, and doesn't believe in himself. In the finale he wants to stay in school with his many friends instead of become emperor and lead everybody, because he's having second thoughts on his ability to or to be the emperor that his people deserve, which is a selfless thought. He completes a selfless action by leading the chickens in a life threatening situation and in becoming an emperor who intends to serve his people with respect. 

Every episode Kuzco is learning an important lesson, and even the ones like Come Fly With Us, where he seems to revert his behaviors to a frustrating degree, those are episodes we get to see the characters react to his revertion in a realistic manner and call him out on it. But it's because they stick by him regardless, and he knows that they believe in him, that he's able to gather the strength to do the right the thing. 

Does the emperor's new school have character development as good as the emperor's new groove? Not even close. I wouldn't even list character development in its top 5 qualities. It's mostly an unserious and comedy focused show. But to say it has no character development is disregarding the many subtle changes and experiences the characters go through that not only seperate them from the movie but make them complex and rootable personalities. 

[tea-earl-grey]

Re: your Disco S4 review:

but there was just a bit too much Therapy Talk for my liking. and to be clear, i don't mean too much Actual Therapy. i really respect the show for portraying therapy and trauma recovery in depth and just having cool main characters go to therapy because it's good and healthy is Very Cool. but i do think there are definitely scenes (particularly in the beginning of the show) that has dialogue fall into Therapy Talk where all the characters go around in a circle and coherently state their thoughts and emotions and then resolve their conflict.

I also have the same issue, I know the crew were heavily traumatized in season 1 and I love that we’re finally getting a Trek have Starfleet take mental health seriously.

But it’s how the writers execute the scene that’s the problem. I think you’re right on the money about them needing another pass at scenes like that.

I also think, most of the time the show literally stops the action for the characters to just talk. And I adore characters being in a room, just talking. But I think it’s because most of the time it’s because those scenes do two things at the same time. Or they usually have characters talk around it and be difficult.

In season 4, it seems the characters start their scene and they just over indulge too much, maybe a tighter edit would also work.

But also I think most modern shows have that problem where they use Therapy talk as a crutch for character development and relationships.

And again, I preface this that I do love having mental health taken seriously but I think there’s a way to do it where writer’s integrate it organically— one of the new shows I like from AppleTV— Shrinking, is literally all about it but it’s funny and heartbreaking and sweet. I think maybe it’s because the writers are also new to the concepts and think they have to fit everything to be relevant.

Hopefully, they worked out the kinks for season 5!

Yeah exactly. I love Disco but sometimes it feels like the writers just need to read their dialogue aloud to make some last revisions (and also put some nuance/unspoken things into the dialogue).

I also think, most of the time the show literally stops the action for the characters to just talk. And I adore characters being in a room, just talking. But I think it’s because most of the time it’s because those scenes do two things at the same time

This!!!! I know fiction is never meant to accurately reflect reality and that there are always going to be weirdly timed conversations for the sake of narrative but Discovery in particular has SO MANY "stop and talk" scenes during Big Action and it drives me crazy when the plot just establishes a strict time limit to do something and then we spend three minutes for characters to have a heart to heart instead of just. Doing The Thing. I know the 90s era "walk and talks" were annoying to film but those downbeats of characters chatting while going from point A to point B is a great place to add small bits of characterization (and movement!) instead of standing still and monologuing.

Thanks for the rec, I've never heard of Shrinking but will have to check it out!

(putting a big tangential ramble about Disco's portrayal of mental health/therapy under a cut because yeesh it got long)

As someone who has been in therapy, has a psychology degree, and has written fiction that uses therapy sessions as a setting/framing device, I can say with a decent amount of confidence that the way therapy/mental health is utilized in Disco is neither super realistic nor using its full narrative potential. Imo we skipped a very interesting part of everyone's healing journeys between s3 and s4 where characters are actually struggling to articulate their problems or denying their issues. Particularly with Detmer who went from having severe PTSD flashbacks in s3 to talking about her feelings with total clarity in s4 when actual trauma recovery is nowhere near as quick or linear and usually requires making major lifestyle changes to actually heal and maintain that healing.

And also I take issue with the fact that all of the characters are growing and facing similar issues at the same time and pace. It ends up making a lot of awkward and redundant conversations between characters who aren't in conflict and are self-actualized enough that they state everything they mean. And when there is meaningful conflict, the characters seem to very quickly overcome their flaws and make up. It's like the opposite problem that a lot of sitcoms and soap operas run into when characters are so driven to conflict and secret-keeping. It is refreshing to have a show where everyone is committed to being their best selves (which is quite similar to tng in that regard) but it doesn't easily mesh with the sort of drama that Discovery seems interested in telling stories about. All of this is also probably why Book's narrative (and his relationship with Michael) was one of the best parts of s4 because it felt like the writers actually committed to realistic season-long conflict born out of trauma and loss that wasn't written off. And as a result I think David Ajala's acting was some of the best of the show because he was given so much depth. I really just wish that the other characters had something similar but Disco's style of hyper-serialization, shorter season orders, and a large cast of recurring characters just doesn't lend to realistically telling stories about trauma and recovery because we almost only see the action and not the characters living their ordinary lives.

And while 90s Trek certainly wasn't The Best at portraying mental health (the therapy it shows in tng is just. Wrong. And so many characters like B'Elanna and Janeway have their issues with depression forgotten about after an episode or two), portrayals of PTSD with characters like Kira, Seven, Neelix, Picard, and Sisko tend to be more interesting to me because those characters' journeys through healing aren't linear. And as always, more episodes and episodic television in general makes it so emotional moments really hit (like Picard's breakdown in Family after Best of Both Worlds, seeing Kira's trauma around her father's death in Ties of Blood and Water, or whenever Neelix, the usual comedic relief and lighthearted character, has to confront how his family was killed in a brutal genocide) whereas with a show like Discovery – there's constant character drama and confrontations and big emotional moments so the catharsis of someone having a breakthrough in their treatment is a bit undercut. For something like that to be memorable, there have to be unmemorable moments too which just isn't Disco's style. It's not inherently a bad thing, but it's not really to my tastes.

Even the other new Treks tend to be a bit more grounded with character dialogue and addressing mental health. My enjoyment of Lower Decks shot way up in s4 because her admitting that Sito's death drove her away from wanting to be an officer was such a huge moment of catharsis when Mariner usually avoids talking about her feelings with a six foot poll. SNW has both La'an, M'Benga, and Chapel dealing with PTSD and their moments of vulnerability and pain are better because SNW tries to balance the silliness and seriousness of Trek. Picard is probably the most similar in content/tone to Discovery and even there despite the serialization and awkward characterization moments, the characters all have consistent issues with trauma that affect them at different times and affect them despite self-improvement. And I think Picard sometimes dips into heavy-handed emotional conversations but it's not quite as much as Disco because oh boy these characters are good at avoiding their feelings.

To be clear, I do love Discovery and people blow the awkward writing/Therapy Talk problem WAY out of proportion to cover for the bigoted reasons some people vocally hate the show. Like this problem does annoy me but it is just one aspect of the show and I hope one that will be fixed (or at least less noticeable) for season 5.

[none-shall-caricature-me]

I think Dazai was awful and shitty for slapping a traumatised, self - loathing, despairing Atsushi at the train station and telling him to 'stop pitying himself'.

Bitch Atsushi relies on you, looks up to you, is attached to you, that's why he's expressing his very valid pain and feelings to you. And you just send him the message that he's being a wimpy loser for wanting assurance and help.

Also, Atsushi is perfectly justified in hating the Headmaster and wanting him dead. But Tanizaki and Dazai just make him feel guilty about it.

Sorry but I hated these moments. I don't hate Dazai and Tanizaki all the time by any means, but it's undeniable that they're enormously fucked up for various reasons.

Also, sorry but for all the friendships he made at the ADA, the only way Atsushi will ever be safe and sound and truly happy is in a peaceful life where he doesn't have to face PTSD, near - certain death (if BSD were actually a bit more realistic) and pain regularly. Not a single one of you BSD readers would actually wanna be an ADA member once you recognise the unsurmountable spectre of death in such a job. Well, atleast no sane person would - can't say anything for the goody two - shoes shonen mentality fuckers.

Of course, if you tell certain BSD fans this they'll justify it as 'Atsushi had nowhere else to go, and all other BSD organisations are cruel, atleast the ADA cares for its members. Plus without Atsushi's participation, everybody including he himself would die under global threats.' Like yeah no shit genius, but anybody with common sense knows that the ADA lifestyle is obviously not a good one, it's just that BSD's ridiculously unrealistic levels of plot armour and asspulls prevent you from realising that joining the ADA is basically physical and emotional suicide.

Being a hero to save the world (and maybe yourselves too) by (most probably) sacrificing your life and limb is a question of who will bell the cat. Everybody knows it must be done, but who will willingly face death to do it? Nobody who's sane.

Which is also why Ranpo is the only sensibly self - preserving ADA member. Even though he takes the policy of non - interference too far sometimes, but he was absolutely right about not getting involved in the Hunting Dogs frame - up.

[girl4music]

REPRESENTATION ANXIETY AND WHY IT’S BAD FOR ACTUALLY PROVIDING REPRESENTATION / WHAT CONSTITUTES AS REAL REPRESENTATION / WHY ITS IMPORTANT IN TV ART/ENTERTAINMENT

Ever heard of the phrase “representation anxiety” when it comes to TV art/entertainment? No, I haven’t just made it up: it’s a real thing/a real concept. It’s something that’s only come up recently actually. See representation - especially when it comes to sexuality/identity/gender - is all over the place now. Therefore it’s nowhere near as restricted/limited as it used to be when writing and producing TV art/entertainment. And so representation is often made a “quota” in the TV art/entertainment landscape now. Creators are encouraged and expected to include it somewhere - usually for selfish reasons - a means of getting more or better ratings (i.e. making more money/gaining more power/success/fame) by the studios, networks or streaming services/companies. It’s a literal quota to meet as if in the business of sales - because technically it is about sales. And so there is an anxiety surrounding providing that representation and meeting that quota of representation by creators in TV art/entertainment. And this anxiety is a pressure and when pressure is involved in creating art/entertainment, things go wrong very quickly out of sloppiness, carelessness, laziness, ignorance. The anxiety is so strong that there is a loss of focus.

Now anybody that suffers with anxiety knows why this is. It’s because you’re so focused on and worrying about and overthinking what makes you anxious that you lose sight of everything else that’s important. In context of creating art/entertainment this means the quality of your writing/producing starts to decline because you neglect the storytelling aspect to focus entirely on the representation aspect - and so representation now becomes something you’re forcing and contriving into your art/entertainment rather than letting it flow and ebb naturally and organically. Plot and character narrative/theme or arc takes second place to making sure you show that gay/queer couple doing gay/queer things as much as possible without a foundation for why or how. Whether it makes sense, is logical, feels realistic or even is at the right place and time for it. All that takes a backseat. All the detail, all the nuance, all the substance just gets sucked out completely in favour of meeting that fucking quota you’re pressured to meet by the higher-ups at the studio/network/company who could not give a shit about your work - what it provides, what it teaches - when or where. They’re not gonna watch it. Executives very rarely ever watch the media they greenlight for production unless they absolutely have to because it’s failing so they can sus out why they believe it might be failing. It’s not for any kind of genuine support or help or in solidarity for your passions, your ambitions, your heart. They don’t care about any of that unfortunately. Creative ideas and decisions don’t matter to them unless those creative ideas and decisions make bank. So you’re not doing yourself or anyone else that cares any favours by forcing and contriving representation. By being so anxious about it that you’ve lost your focus. I get it. It’s not easy when it’s a major project. When there’s people watching you do what you do. But the thing is is representation is not proper or genuine representation if it’s just put in there for the sake of it. When there’s no rhyme or reason behind it. And I’ve watched a lot of TV art/entertainment where this is unfortunately the case. Where I can tell that it’s just a quota to meet and isn’t giving me anything substantial or real. I almost immediately pick that up. Sometimes it’s in a really selfish way like with queerbaiting - which by the way - you can queerbait a canon textual couple just as much as you can non-canon subtextual ones because if your couple is not proper/genuine gay/queer representation anyway… then it’s going to come across very queerbait-y because of all the forced sexual intimacy and then no context behind why or how it happens - no communication between the characters - no aftermath, no set up, no emotional connection, no chemistry - no realism or depth. It’s going to seem like an act - which obviously it is - but your viewers aren’t supposed to think or feel that way. It’s supposed to be convincing, it’s supposed to be well written and performed to the point where it looks and feels real. That’s when representation really works. When the viewers watching are fully immersed or engaged in what’s happening on the screen that they feel things. That’s guaranteed not to happen when it’s forced in.

Here’s the deal. Communication and connection. If you can show this happening between the characters both when it’s in a sexual context and when it’s not - then you’ve got something substantial with which to build on. The main problem with forced or contrived representation is that there is no foundation for it. It just comes out of nowhere. It just happens randomly. There’s no slow burn or anything even remotely close to any genuine connection or attraction or love between the characters that you force into a romantic/sexual relationship. It lacks everything that makes it stand up and holds it up. It lacks foundation.

I personally tend to gravitate towards slow burn and friends-to-lovers or even enemies-to-lovers situations and tropes in TV art/entertainment because there is rich history there between the characters where it actually seems probable and even appropriate for them to develop into romance. You can see and feel the chemistry radiating off of them, the intensity, the longing, the passion - in more than just a sexual way. There’s deep emotions and feelings there that drive the attraction the characters have for one another. I very rarely see that anymore in TV art/entertainment. And I understand the reason why this is - it’s time constraints mostly and it’s not the fault of creators. But that doesn’t make it any easier for me to watch it. I can’t justify watching, supporting and shipping a couple or a relationship just out of time constraints because that makes me feel fake and obligatory and yeah - that’s not something I wish to feel in watching TV art/entertainment. I want my experience to be genuine and real just as much as I want the characters and their relationship to be genuine and real. I’ll be honest - I don’t watch pure romance or love stories because if that’s the only thing that piece of art/entertainment is for or about - it does feel very fake. My niche is action/fantasy/drama because there’s more going on with the individual characters - they have individual stories, arcs, developments and those don’t take away from the romance or love story. Actually,… it tends to help it and cultivate it because if the individual characters feel real and fleshed out, probably, very likely, the relationship also will too because all of the individual detail informs the coupling detail. You see? This gives it foundation.

Xena and Gabrielle are my most favourite gay/queer relationship of all-time despite them not even being textually canon - as in they were never confirmed as canon lovers or a canon couple in the TV show itself. They actually couldn’t be. I’ve gone into the reasons why this is many times before so I won’t talk about it in this post. Anyway, there is a reason why they are and still remain my favourite and honestly the best representation of any romance or love story - gay/queer or otherwise - that I’ve ever since in TV art/entertainment. The reason why is because they’re main characters that have a lot of focus on their individual representation and development each and all of that builds incredibly solid foundation for what becomes their “non-canon” romance and love story. And in every way where it actually matters,… it is what a depiction of a romance or love story should be. This TV show is action/fantasy/drama with some comedy thrown in here and there. It’s truly the most insane, farcical, campy shit ever - but THEY FEEL REAL. They communicate, they emotionally connect, they declare their love, they kiss, they get married, they behave as domestic, they have a baby… Even though they’re not confirmed as a main-textual canon couple in it, they are exactly what representation for romantic/sexual relationships should be in TV art/entertainment today! And because IT’S NOT… that’s why it is still THE BEST. Them being my favourite is a subjective obviously, but yeah, they are genuinely objectively the best representation there is in TV art/entertainment because they’re a same-sex main protagonist couple. Both of them. Not one a main character and the other a supporting/recurring character. Both of them are THE ONLY main protagonists all throughout the entirety of the show. 6 SEASONS length of a show. And their romance/love story is a major storyline. It’s not a textually canon romance/love story, but it plays out exactly like one regardless of the “non-canonity”. So it doesn’t matter. It does not matter whatsoever. Now here’s the problem with watching this show in this day and age where representation is expected. It can come across as queerbaiting that there is so much ‘will they-won’t they’ subtext. I hate queerbaiting with a searing passion. I think it’s the worst thing that we have to put up with in TV art/entertainment in a queer narrative. So trust me when I say that what it may initially look like you - it isn’t. Again, I’ve explained why many times before so I’m not gonna go into it here. But give this show a chance. Seriously, give it a chance. It is an EPIC love story.

I’ll leave this post off by saying that representation anxiety is awful and I do understand the pressure but I cannot support representation that’s forced and contrived. Not when I’ve had a life-changing experience where I’ve gotten so much better and where I know what real representation looks/feels like.

This is not an order. It’s a request.

Do better because representation anxiety is ruining what should be amazing influential art/entertainment that people can really learn from and be inspired by every day that they watch/interact with/engage in your creation be it in whatever format - but it’s especially important in a television/visual format because people look into it and see themselves in it. They would get a sense who they are and what their purpose is through watching this TV show or movie or video with characters that can mean so much to them that have a relationship between them that can be seen or interpreted as a romantic/sexual love story and you have to provide the foundation and honesty and the substance for it to be real representation. Meeting a quota is not worth it and it’s not enough.

If you want to know what you should be aiming for and attempting to achieve instead… it’s actually this:

[mesaprotector]

Under the cut: most overrrated and underrated anime of each year since 2017 for me (subjective!), with explanations. You can send me hate but be nice about it.

I'm only including stuff I've watched at least a cour (12 episodes) of. And also, some stuff like Dororo, even if I didn't personally enjoy it, I can see why people would, so it isn't on this list.

Starting with overrated.

2017: Dragon Maid

I guess the appeal of this is gay undertones with adult characters in an era when that was still pretty uncommon. And I do like some parts of it, including the ending. But I just cannot look past the weirdness of the Kanna/Riko ship and especially whatever is going on with Lucoa/Shouta, and the show overuses many of its worse gags. Even as someone who has developed a decent tolerance for "weird anime fanservice" this went too far for me.

2018: Violet Evergarden

This is a more mild case. It's a very pretty anime I don't dislike, but the story is kind of all over the place and the lasting acclaim it's gotten surprises me. There's just one episode that's top-tier (you know which one); besides that, the show doesn't know what direction it wants to take or what message it wants to have, and Violet herself is nowhere near entertaining enough to make it work.

2019: Shield Hero

This take is so lukewarm it's like someone forgot they put it in the microwave. But yeah—it starts off decent for exactly four episodes then does nothing whatsoever of interest for the rest of its runtime. I feel vaguely sad every time I hear about it getting a new season.

2020: Jujutsu Kaisen

It's a shounen, so I don't really expect more than well-animated fights out of it, and it has occasional good writing. The characters are not as interesting as I wish they were, something made clearer by my friend making me watch part of Naruto soon after the first season aired.

2021: Komi-san

This is not how social anxiety works. It does not just render you a mute who is somehow the most popular girl in your class regardless. I mean, sure, if you're watching this just to laugh it's kind of funny, but nobody should pretend this has any social message.

2022: Bocchi the Rock

Oh boy. I liked this, actually—it's a slightly above average CGDCT (Cute Girls Doing Cute Things) show with one-dimensional characters, a predictable plot to the extent that there is one, and only a single saving grace—highly imaginative animation for approximately 2 minutes out of every episode. I finished it, re-emerged into the world of online anime discussion, and found that people were calling this an all-time classic. I think no other show's acclaim has confused me as much as what happened with Bocchi; at one point Anilist had it at #4 all time, which is absurd even after considering the recency bias. There are similar shows that do far more interesting things with their casts— A Place Further than the Universe, The Demon Girl Next Door, K-On. I guess since I don't relate to Bocchi I just don't get it. I'll admit, at least, that she's written much more realistically than Komi is.

2023: Heavenly Delusion

This show started out extremely well, but but just like Dragon Maid above, it's a rare case where the fanservice is so jarring it seriously bothered me. The show has one episode in a completely different animation style for no real reason, just because they pulled in a guest director. The ending is miserable to watch and unlike plenty of tragic shows there doesn't seem to be a point to it, or any level of narrative coherence. I would refuse money to watch a second season of this.

2024: Apothecary Diaries

This is another mild case, similar to Violet Evergarden—it's quite good, I just don't think it's as smart as people believe it is—and Maomao's character feels a bit too pander-y even with how good Aoi Yuuki's voice acting is.

———

Now underrated.

2017: Shoukoku no Altair

I guess this entire post is "overrated: shows with great animation" vs. "underrated: shows with poor animation". But I feel a shounen with an interesting world (based on historic Turkey), actually smart writing of military tactics, and great character moments shouldn't suddenly go ignored just because it ran out of animation budget near the end.

2018: Akanesasu Shoujo

I post endlessly about this show. It's a very dumb and yet very wise show with the most emotionally beautiful final episode in the history of the medium. Cowboys. Baked fish cakes. Amazon Prime. Arranged marriage. Watch it please I'm begging you.

2019: Granbelm

As far as I can tell the only reason people dislike this 2D (!) mecha show is the cutesy designs for the mechas. It's a show that handwaves a lot of its plot elements, so it wouldn't appeal to someone who wants logical analysis of their stories, but it's emotionally smart without being cliché, and the sound design is fantastic. I scarcely notice sound design—only this and Chihayafuru do it so well to make a real difference for me.

2020: Id:Invaded

This show is reasonably well-liked and not that obscure, but it's still better than its reputation. If I had any doubts before that I Kenjirou Tsuda was actually a fantastic voice actor instead of just having a great voice, they were gone after watching this.

2021: Pretty Boy Detective Club

Slow-paced dialogue-driven shows almost always feel underappreciated by the anime community, with Monogatari the lone exception. This is by the same author as Monogatari, visually beautiful, and every bit as well-written—and yet MAL has it at a 7.08. My best guess as to why is that the primarily straight male Monogatari fandom was annoyed by the mild fanservice of the boys in this show (it's in the name, isn't it?), and nobody else bothered to watch it. It's much less ambitious than Monogatari is and much easier to get into.

2022: Requiem of the Rose King

If "an anime reimagining of Shakespeare's Richard III with dysphoria as a major theme" is a premise that appeals to you, and you can tolerate some animation budget struggles, watch this; if it doesn't, don't.

2023: Revenger

Maybe people rated this poorly because they saw "Gen Urobuchi" in the title and expected it to be as good as Psycho-Pass and Madoka (it isn't). It's still a really good series about assassins and crime syndicates in a medium-sized Japanese town, with uh—broken-down churches? Hot guys? Trade negotiations? The animation isn't even at fault here so I have no idea why it didn't take off more.

2024: Sakuna of Rice and Ruin

There are a lot of shows this year I feel were underappreciated, but this is one of the easiest to recommend—it's simple and pretty, with good character development and a really good setting, and plenty of rice farming. It is a touch kid-oriented, maybe, which shows in the lack of complexity of its character conflicts, but I don't fault that.

[minijenn]

Jen Tortures Herself With Every Dreamworks Animated Movie Ever: How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World

Alright it's time to out myself in front of the entire HTTYD tumblr fandom. I like this movie. A lot. Ok? Like I think its really fucking great and I will not deny that. Is it as good as the first two entries in this franchise? No, but it's still damn solid in its own right. So let's get into it.

We pick up a year after the last movie, with the arrival of another new threat to Berk, the "Night Fury killer" Grimmel the Grisley. To protect his people and their dragons, Hiccup moves the entire tribe to a new island while in search for the Hidden World, an unreachable utopia for all dragonkind. Meanwhile, Toothless is allured by the arrival of a new, mysterious female dragon, the Light Fury, which complicates matters even further as Hiccup begins to worry that he and Toothless are growing apart.

So yeah still a pretty good plot, though not as solidly cohesive as the first two. Still, I enjoy the ride here a lot; we still get a lot of great scenes of the riders fighting their foes, lots of great flying scenes (especially that one between Toothless and the Light Fury, man that scene is just gorgeous), lots of action and strangely enough, a bit more of a focus on humor here than usual? I mean it's ok, but a little strange given this is the final entry in the franchise and the stakes are supposed to be higher than ever.

Speaking of stakes, let's talk about that. Grimmel is by in large the only real new character here (aside from the Light Fury I guess, and she's fine, I don't understand the hate towards her design, I think she's cute). And he is... probably the lamest fuckin villain in this franchise, there I said it. He's just... some dude. He's nowhere near as unhinged and intimidating as Drago, nowhere near as smart or interesting or even just fun to watch as any of the villains in the HTTYD shows, he's just... idk man, a really boring villain. Certainly not what I think the "ultimate" challenge for a protagonist as well developed and interesting as Hiccup should be imo.

I know there are plenty of complains thrown around about this movie, the other riders are poorly-characterized, Grimmel is a lame villain (as I just said, I agree with that one), and of course, it's biggest controversy, it's ending. But here's my take on the ending. I think it's actually pretty bold of them to have the dragons leave? Like yes, there is a heavy sense of finality to it, but that's sort of the point. There's a massive change to the status quo, it feels like a genuine ending with little in the way of Dreamworks doing what they always fucking do in trying to bait any unecessary sequels. And then of course, there's the epilogue, which may be one of my favorite scenes in the entire franchise. I literally cannot watch it without crying, I'm such a fucking wreck for this boy and his dragon oh my god.

As usual, visually and audibly, this movie is absolutely wonderful. The animation here is especially impressive, the lighting took my breath away in some spots with just how realistic some of it looked, while still maintaining the series' usual style. The Hidden World especially, we don't see it for very long, but it is so damn pretty to look at. The music is, of course, also absolutely lovely, once again drawing on familiar themes from throughout the series to send it off one last time.

There's lots of other little things I love about this movie too, like the flashbacks to Stoick and Hiccup when Hiccup was little (I cry), any cute Hicstrid moments, especially the wedding (I cry), Toothless being an absolute mess while trying to impress the Light Fury (I die laughing), just... god, it's more How to Train Your Dragon, man, I fucking love this franchise, how the hell can I possibly hate this movie when there's still so much of what I love about the first two in here?

I do understand, this movie is flawed in some pretty big ways. And yet... it's still so beautiful all the same. I adore it, even if others don't, and I think that's ok? We can all enjoy different things and I just so happen to enjoy this. No, it's certainly not the best this series can do, and maybe the HTTYD franchise does deserve a better conclusion. But for what we got, well... I think it's pretty damn great all the same.

Overall Rating: 9/10

Verdict: How to get your dragon some rizz bc gottdamn he needs some

Previous Review (Captain Underpants: The Epic First Movie)

Next Movie (Abominable)

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Hey,manhwa anon,I was wondering if u have read seasons of blossom(sob) its recently ended so it'd be the best time to read I think you would like this story alot and as you said u liked romance in the response that make me more confident that u would like it

It's has romance but it's also touches other topic such as friendship,su1c1de,being bullied, pressure from parents to get grades etc nd imo all couple r good(execpt for one which I personally don't like) it's has 4 szn all have diff mc but! All of the characters r connected somehow it's funny,has good romance,touches serious topic,they help e/o through hardship

I love it nd I like ur opinion on many things so I wanted you to read this & give your opinions😅

Hey, anon, from this post. Thanks for your rec. Actually, i read first season before and maybe season 2 too, i dont really remember though. But i didnt complete it before but after getting your message, i decided to give another chance and i recently restarted it and finished the whole story. Also you made me curious about which one you didnt like, lol, let me know. And Here’s my opinion about series;

First of all, art is good and characters are generally good too . Though i prefer romance as sub-plot more because when it become main plot, it has cliches. I think this story make certain post too quick, like characters moving on, changing mind and growing and falling in love happened to fast, to the point i find it unrealistic. Though, i would still say this story is far better than most romances, at least.

Season 1; I think this one was my less interested in. I hate love triangle and misunderstandings, and all that fake boyfrien thing so cliche but also, i really didnt root for main couple since Jaemin and Bomi had a thing. And i thought what Bomi did is so unfair to Seounhi, Jaemin and Jinyoung, it was really frustrating because i think it was selfish act so. And i kinda felt sad about it and i wasnt big fan of Jinyeong and his brutal honesty and rudeness. He is cute but dude needs to learn some manners. But other than that, they look good together so i didnt really hate it. But i kinda get bored and forced myself to continue. And another problem with this one is the way Bomi described her feelings for Jaemin and Jinyoung. She says she feels more comfortable with Jaemin while to her, Jinyoung is unexpected, make her explode etc...I mean, actually love is all about feeling comfort, not unexpected events or excitement, thats more like lust and crush but we can also say love is different to anyone so. The fact that she fall in love with Jinyeong cause he is more rude while Jaemin was just kind...I mean, she just said she fell in love with Jinyoung because she felt more comfortable with his honesty at last scene of spring season, just like she said before when she talked with Jaemin.

Season 2; This one might be my favorite. Ironically, summer is my favorite season too. At first, i thought it was gonna be Jaemin x Somang but it turn out to be about Hamin and Somang. And you might say, Hamin is also rude to her so i wouldnt like it but actually, i love them together a lot. Their interaction happens so naturally and its also funny. Also sad. Jaemin and Somang making connection together is also very nice too. Something i didnt like, ‘its everyone’s fault but noone’s fault’ speech. Like , i get what she was trying to say but honestly, it is Hamin’s parents and school’s fault for him ending up like that. They are responsible for what happenned to Hamin. Its nowhere near to Jaemin and Somang, they were innocent. Also i wish story showed Jaemin’s tension building up in spring season, it would be better. Btw, i also like the fact that Hamin didnt kill himself because he was just in darkness but because he witnessed the light he couldnt reach make him suicide because thats how mental illness works. We dont feel miserable until we saw some people have better. Thats so realistic. And as last, i wish Jaemin and Hamin didnt look too similar. I mean, they look like twins, i feel weird when i see him with Somang and others lol. And this also the season i started to warm up to Seonhui and other mcs because they were kinda annoying at start/first season.

Season 3; This one might be my second favorite. At first i was so sure that i wouldnt like it because Gaeul’s revenge plan and using his feelings, also the fact that he was kinda related to her bullying but i actually liked it because they were so good together. The chemistry...between serious mature girl and kinda silly dense boy. My only issues would be she became too comfortable with someone who is indirectly related to her bullying, like that kind of discomfort dont go that easiely. And bully girl's plan was too silly and it got destroyed too quickly, it was kinda unrealistic. And even though Gauel was already comfortable with Subin, what was the point of them breaking up? I wish at least we saw her discomfort with Subin’s presence so it would make more sense that her wanting a little time and space. And one more thing, i hate the idea that Subin had to take care of that bully kid, just because he was indirectly related to his bullying as child....because i disagree. He doesnt have to be friends with him/them, after all they did. Another couple of the autumn season, i actually ship Jaemin and Seonhui more but i kinda warmed up with the idea of Seonhui and Jaehyeon more at the end of fall season and winter season. Like, i kinda like them too because they are cute together.

Season 4; And the winter season. I was waiting for this one since the beginning to the point sometimes i couldnt focus on others because how can i, when there is a bullying at the background? So messed up. But i was actually disappointed with this season. Because even though, i am glad to see other main characters with happy moments, we hardly get Dongchae as main character. He deserved more screentimes, more narrative but he was like a side character in his own story. I was also very dissapointed in Jaemin in this season. He literally lost his brother because of bullying but he saw someone else is also dealing with it and he said its none of my business and only interested in because he fell in love with his sister....Eunchae is good girl, i get it but your brother is being bullied and you have time for romance with random dude you just met? It was actually frustrating to read because Dongchae was suffering to the point that he was planning to kill himself while everyone is being lovey-dovey. It was painful to read. Though, i love his connection with Hamin and everyone coming together to save him from suicide. But instead of last minute speech before he was about to kill himself, we could’ve get more effort. Because you cant change someone who wants to kill himself’s mind that easiely. I wish we saw all that small efforts for Dongchae and that saving scene would be the last one, the one that finally reach Dongchae’s hearth but it all happenned one time. Until that moment they all (later Jinyoung’s friend too) ignored him when they know what was happening, so it was so annoying and disappointing but generally, ending is good. I didnt really ship Eunchane and Jaemin, Gyuri and Dongchae etc. And i ship Somang only with Hamin, not with glasses friend of Subin. And i am glad that Subin and Gaeul meet again and end up together. Anddddd i must admit i love the speech of ‘if you dont know how to love yourself, i will teach you’. That was amazing.

This is all but there might be things i forgot to say so for now, thats it. Despite some of the issues etc, i did have good/sad/emotional etc times too. So i think it was worth to read and give it another chance so again, thanks for rec. it to me.

[slaughtermaticgames]

Week 2

Its midnight, which means its Friday, which means its time for a devlog.

The first floor of Scary House is coming together. Its still quite short compared to similar games but, I'm aiming for 30 minutes of gameplay. Tonight, I actually went ahead and recorded a video.

EDIT: Unfortunately Tumblr doesn't seem to want my video. Its only 60mb so who knows. I took some screenshots of it but if you want to watch the video you'll have to check it out on Twitter :'(

This week started off kind of slow. I didn't really feel like working on the project for a few days but I did anyway. And I accomplished a lot.

Vaulting. I made a vaulting system. Its very janky but it exists and it works. Now, not only do you have tables and vents to hide in but you can just jump behind a couch or a TV. I think it adds another layer to the project albeit a small one.

Lighting. Although nowhere near final I'm really enjoying the lighting you can pull off in Godot (4.0 just officially released. Very cool!). The lighting isn't hyper realistic or anything most lights in the house have a purple tint that I really like and I may try to do a transition between a normal outside light and this red one in the video. I may leave it red who knows.

Although I don't have a lot in my to-do list this week I made a lot of small changes like, adding forced crouch zones so the player doesn't clip through the floor, preventing jumping in vents etc. Outlining my game's story for notes (they still need to be written).

Essentially what I have left to complete is just the levels. And the item that triggers the ending. Spending so much time testing and prototyping has payed off in a way but I think that was my favorite part. I suck at decorating houses.

For next week I want to try to get another floor and maybe start on the basement. I don't really consider the first floor complete just yet but very close. I may release a build once the 2nd floor is complete. On top of that I want to try to smooth out my vaulting system and make sure weird things like getting trapped in crouch when touching a wall doesn't happen etc. Just bugfixes.

I've been thinking about new projects this week. I know I need to get these evil thoughts out of my head but I'm really torn between 2D and 3D. If I knew remotely how to operate Blender I would just do 3D all the time I think but alas I do not. I think I want to try to do a small survival horror game with fixed camera and tank controls for my next project. Either that or a 2D Zelda type game that I've had in the back of my mind for a while.

Anyways. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. I think I've said it before but this is more of a log for myself that I don't expect people to read but if you did read this thanks I guess. We're friends now.

[macncherries]

by the way, id like to thank everyone for all of the love on this; especially in regards to praising the body types here.

i work really hard generally, but especially on this, to portray characters I like in different lights than what the original media can give them. due to the manga creation process, and most definitely animation process, things are simplified. i have a worm in my brain that tells me to do the opposite, to extreme amounts. thank you all for indulging my schizo-posting. but more importantly, thank you to everyone who recognizes themselves or others in the body types here.

more below the cut, im going to ramble a lot.

my detail interest mostly applies to faces, as you can see, but Laios is very special to me. He has a BMI of 26, which by all technicality is "overweight". which is crazy to me because in his character art that literally serves the purpose of depicting his body type, he is nowhere near overweight.

you can obviously see hes more well-fed than other characters, but he has virtually no fat or muscle definition (other than those pecs, holy SHIT Kui. GAW DAMN.) anyways, my point here, is that if he's overweight, (which he should be, food is yummy :3) (and you know his whole characters purpose is to consume) then he should look adjacent to what his environment necessitates of him. i.e. he has a big appetite, has the motivation to consume a lot of things, has quite a bit of strength (but not so much as to out-do other races), and fights monsters daily. This says to me his body much match these circumstances.

im not dissing Kui for this decision, by the way. I think everyone has different interpretations of Laios, and what Kui puts out is definitely by all means canon. I try to apply circumstance, context and nuance to the existing canon. Its not me overwriting it entirely. Its the "parent" media after all, I've just taken it and made a sibling/child. I hope that makes sense.

anyways. a few comments on my OG post I want to highlight, cuz they mean a lot to me

thank you...... this means a lot... i want people to look like people, as silly as that is to say. Im really glad I seem to be (?) succeeding. I sometimes with my artstyle was a little bit more realism based, but its kind of difficult to find a balance. I don't know if what I do now is considered "semi realism" but I do want my bodies to look completely realistic. I gave them both scars, and yet I haven't had top surgery yet either. Im glad that you're able to see yourself nonetheless. I am a White Man so I do not feel comfortable identifying with Kabru too heavily (appearance-wise) but I am also slightly underweight, and generally have dark features, so I like to think his body type is also realistic. I'm really, really thankful for this comment. I don't know that I'm putting it into words very well, because its something I struggle with, but I do appreciate it.

just so you know, i read this comment in my notifications while I was at work, and genuinely started to tear up. I am very very happy to hear it. You already have a comment of mine stating this, but I really do appreciate it. Especially the line about seeing these bodies at waterparks. I know its not your intention, but it makes me happy to think about because it means the person with said body isn't ashamed of it; to be out in public and whatnot. Also, Man Studies is a dutifully coined term. i love it. I'm happy to have heard it. I draw men a lot, actually pretty much only men, admittedly. So I work extra hard on them. Thank you for the recognition, professor

anyways, i have news. this ref/HC sheet has some new editions coming to it. along with a google doc of all of the research/notes I've done while re-reading the manga. mmm... autism... she is a beaut. if you're wondering how I have this much time on my hands, its because I'm doing all of this while I'm at work. Autism-diving helps my 40 hour work week go by faster. so I'm glad you're all enjoying that.

no one gets it. this is waht autism does to a mf. welcome to macncherries schizo-posting :(

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Its midnight, i just woke up from a very weird dream that i need to share with you

So, I was on youtube watching a series of reviews about this video game that was half a visual novel/dating sim and half something called Island Paradise² that I have struggled to ascribe a genre to. And the thing that was special about it was that at the start of each playthrough, you could decide what percentage of each of those two things the game would be, like they would show you two sliders labeled 'how much [dating sim name] would you like for this playthrough?' and 'how much Island Paradise² would you like for this playthrough?' and you could either experience each game pure, or have one eight of the Island Paradise² experience in your dating sim, or one quarter etc etc and regardless of what you did, the games were supposed to meld seamlessly somehow, its not supposed to just be two very different games stapled together even though thats what it felt like

The reviewer wanted to start off by playing through each game pure, so they it up to just play the dating sim. And obviously the audience felt very pessimistic about this games ability to deliver on its frankly outlandish promises, but they were also very cynical about the fact that the first half of this game was a dating sim starring a female main character with like, a male harem to choose from, saying things like "who wants to bet they didnt even make the Island Paradise² portion because they wanted to focus on the dating sim portion because thats where all the men are and devs are male-centered misogynists" I mean, they werent quite so articulate but that was essentially the main sentiment amongst [dating sim name]/Island Paradise²- (that was its official title) doubters.

But whatever, the first part of this review was pretty boring so I didnt finish it, I just skipped ahead to the second part which was titled 'Paradise Island² lets 2oose2²22²²2²' I do not remember the title of the first part, it must have been too boring. Now, the gameplay of the dating sim portion was very visual novel-esque although you did have a little 3d avatar that you could walk around with on this 3d beach, the whole game was beach-themed. And then Island Paradise² is basically just those 3d-walking around-portions and it was about you having a solo-beach-adventure with no male harem and no romance. And there was a feature were could walk off the beach and onto the ocean water like youre jesus and the reviewer did that, and the further you walked out into the ocean the more weird and glitchy it got, and at some point the ocean like, opened up (?) and you could walk through it, and it was a time portal that would send you into the past

Now, throughout this dream Ive kinda been shifting perspectives, sometimes Im a person watching a review of this video game, sometimes Im the reviewer and sometimes my consciousness is just inside that little 3d avatar with only the slightest awareness that Im in a video game at all, and this happens a lot in my dreams, I have some trouble staying in one pov and its usually easier when I dont mention that, but I want to clarify that for this part, I am the 3d avatar going through the time portal with barely any awareness that its a video game at all. And as I go through, I basically exit the game and I just start actually time traveling, and the reason I know that is because the 3d-portions on the game are very lowpoly and stylized but after I went through everything was like, realistic and true to life except for the fact that everything looked like an old photograph, so everything was greyscale with that greenish-yellow tint that stuff from like the early 1900s tends to have. Ive ended up in some small town in the middle of nowhere near a forest and I walked around a bit before I ran into this cool turn-of-the-century butch lady, and we exchanged pleasantries and had a nice little chat before I went back to just kinda wandering the area

And then I was suddenly back to being a person sitting at my computer and browsing the web except this time I didnt have youtube open, I had wikipedia open and it was a page about the lady that I just talked to (i unfortunately do not remember her name). And it turns out that this woman was the person who assassinated archduke Franz Ferdinand. And I felt this sense of dread as I was reading because in the universe of my dream, the assassination of Franz Ferdinand didnt have anythinh to do with serbia and it was like, a thing that german nationalist-right winger-types really loved which is weird because Im pretty sure they actually didnt like that, because Franz Ferdinand was very up for all the shit Wilhelm ii was doing and that guy was pretty popular with the german nationalist-types. If he wasnt at the time, he certainly is now, theres a whole far right movenment called Reichsbürger (lit. Citizens of the Empire) who want to go back to the way it was in german empire-times. But whatever, I guess it was different in the universe of my dream

So I was like "ohhhh, wait did i just talk to like a proto-nazi" and I felt really gross and very nervous because whenever I encounter/actively interact with bad ideologies I always feel like ive caught some kind of soul-corrupting disease and I need to purify myself as soon as possible, lest I have to deal with some pretty horrible intrusive thoughts. So I decided to read about her motives for the assassination because I was like "idk, maybe she didnt do it for far right reasons, maybe she assassinated that guy in an apolitical manner or smth", and I look through this whole wikipedia page and there is indeed a section just discussing her motives except it wasnt titled 'motives' or anything like that, it was titled something along the lines of "my actions were the will of [something]", I cannot for the life of me remember what [something] was, the closest guess Ive been able to make is that it was "previous administration" but thats not quite right. In any case, its very ominous and its a quote from her interrogation after the assassination where she refused to properly explain her motives.

"But" says the wikipedia page, "we still know her motives". And then it starts talking about this other woman named Ecatharina who apparently seduced her into doing it, the assassin was this naive young lesbian coming into full bloom and she simply could not resist when this beautiful older woman asked her to do it in that "ecatt" manner of hers ('ecatt' being a synonym for coquettish or seductive and also an epic pun on her name). And it just kinda devolved into very detailed fanfiction and at some point while reading it I was like "somethings not right here" and then I woke up. so yeah,.. lotta twists and turns in that one

[cielhunternorwood]

So, this is going to be a strange bit of tangent-rant, what with all the Xitter-ing about Stellar Blade, sexualization, and whatnot. I promise, though, it's more random chatter than my own opinion on the matter (which is, more or less, idgaf). Reader beware.

For the unaware, Stellar Ass is an upcoming Korean video game starring a female main character modeled after a, well, model from Korea. However, the likeness isn't one-to-one, as there's some anime-ification going on with her face and hair, so there are definite liberties being taken with the character.

Naturally, though, people are less focused on her face and more focused on her butt and thighs, because her design is very much going into Hornyville in terms of accentuation, over-curvature, her swoocy movements, and her attire, or lack thereof.

Granted her butt and thighs are nowhere near as fantastic as Raiden from Metal Gear, but enough people have been chattering over her to trigger others who find this kind of design distasteful for many reasons. The thing is, it's a valid criticism to throw at a game, relying on some form of eye candy to draw people in.

It happens ALL THE TIME because that's what character design in games is about: making a character attractive and memorable to draw in the player and keep them hooked. It's not always sexy, though. Sometimes it's cute, sometimes it's cool, and sometimes it's just familiar to the player.

Having said that, it is also often a problem to design characters with sex appeal in mind, and it almost always involves female characters due to an inherent double standard that has yet to fade due to the many cultures that handle the issue in different ways.

Not that you can't make a sexy main character and still make them enjoyable to some extent as a character, but impressions will always be on visuals first, especially when knowing the persona of a character requires a time investment. In that way, a lot of the reactions based on appearance go both ways for equally valid reasons.

Similar complaints were made about Bayonetta and Nier: Automata, which are all equally valid, and could be made about the old Tomb Raiders if not for the rather cartoony cover arts (also that they toned down her boobs the more realistic they became in visual style). It's a means of hooking that is often used with a game that may not hit it off on gameplay alone.

The trouble is that the sexualized character can cause mixed signals, making an otherwise unremarkable game seem amazing because the sexy girl (or, rarely, guy) in the middle of the screen is triggering a positive reaction- brain chemicals, yada yada- from that alone. Hence why someone like me, who is asexual, generally is unaffected and has a more grounded opinion of such games.

I found Tomb Raider to be interesting to play, even if platforming in the remake was really buggy, forcing me to cut it short. Bayonetta felt too much like DMC 4 for me to actually buy the game, plus the magic hair idea and the heel-revolvers felt too dumb to me. Nier Automata was the first game to actually make my eyes hurt due to its washed out, sepia'd locations, and I found the game really boring even with its supposed "great story": it was just treading the old ground of other games that came before it without adding its own unique flair.

I can't help looking at Stellar Blade and thinking it'll be more of the same: people confused by their own excites into thinking a game is better than it is, much in the way the adrenaline rush of playing certain stupidly-difficult games can make you think a certain game is fun when it's actually badly designed and forcing you to win against unfair odds.

There's a lot of focus on how a game makes us feel when judging it, rather than judging it based solely on its status as a game. The fact that too many people can't separate their like or dislike of a game from its actual quality leads many to praise an otherwise bad game or condemn an otherwise good game, all over what the game makes them 'feel'.

To reel it back in, liking a game because it has a sexy character you want to watch and wank to, while I guess being fine, doesn't mean someone is wrong to criticize that design for being as such and further complain about 'oversexualization'. Especially when that sexiness is always the focal point of promotional media, cutscenes, animations, etcetera.

It's a very normal reaction to something that is still perceived as in the realm of sexism, sometimes because it comes from a culture that doesn't have the same values or progression as our own in that field. It's still a talking point that inevitably causes flared tempers, mainly because the people liking these sexy main characters feel attacked when the point is brought up.

Unfortunately, the defensive reflex really reveals more about them as a person than anything else, being unable to admit that 'Yes, this character is oversexualized, and I'm okay with that,' because the connotations to go with that are bad. It very easily lends to some extremist name-calling and labeling when the discussion should be focused on whether this is an okay thing in general or if it continues to promote an objectification ideal.

The problem then becomes the 'but it's a fictional character,' argument, which is a weak argument at its core due to the fact that separating fiction from reality relies on an individual knowing themselves in and out (which is impossible, mind you). However, a lot of what we like in fiction and onward is a translation of what we want subconsciously or would gravitate towards in reality because that's how the brain circuits are wired.

Again, this is focusing purely on the visual representation. For the pure reason that most consumers will always go for the instant gratification effect rather than hold off for the longer-lasting good effect. Part of why gacha games are so popular and addicting, but that's a subject for another time.

I guess, in the end, this tangent-rant is mostly a complaint that the problem isn't the character themselves but our unwillingness to have an actual discussion on how this can be a problem, how it may perpetuate a problem, and how it should be allowed to receive these criticisms, even if some of the complaints are plastered with buzz words or using it as basis for a really bad agenda.

We'll all love good-looking designs, be they sexy, cool, cute, or just reminiscent of someone we know, but we should always be willing to criticize them. Same for games. Your feelings for something and the quality of it are two entirely different things.

If you can't separate the two from each other, then either you need to learn how you can do that or simply admit your own bias and never render judgement.

Anyways, that's all I wanted to get out of my system. Again, my own opinion of Stellar Blade's MC is "I don't care," because I've seen enough of that kind of thing to just be numb to it. Also it's not as bad as a lot of character designs in Artery Gear and Nikke, or the stupid Nero Saber Venus look in Extella.

[reilliane]

I really love your Tyranny series. I thought that it would be different from other villain series that there would be no one she will end up with because she would die at one of the person who serves her. Like Alatus, Diluc, or Kazuha. A realistic ending and not a love-hate idealistic forced romance upon those mentioned.

I thought that maybe it's because she's a tyrant, even if she's really pretty HAHAHAHAH. She committed crimes, killed bystanders where she ordered Kazuha to do it as he's her dog at this point, though he can do nothing about it. Nor I can feel his emotions after those killings hence why I cannot understand her stand in his heart even though he wants to know her more other than his innocent curiosity.

And as you know, Alatus. His morals and pride would never allow himself to fall for her. I think that a person who values his pride is not an easy one to bend. He's honorable and the romance between them, is uh, I think kinda forced?

Lastly, Diluc, he's being forced to a marriage though our Queen has a reason. It's kinda sus if he gradually fall for someone who's trying to keep him beside her for amusement. Like a kidnapped person falling for a kidnapper.

I can understand if Childe and the Queen had some small romance and talk, but still not her end-game as she keeps scowling at him (and yes I vote for him).

But other than that, I don't know why I feel this way. Or I am getting a deja vu feeling after they made Raiden from an Archon Villainess to her first Story Quest which is basically a dating sim that it disappointed me greatly.

But other than those, I think that the Queen really did great at managing her kingdom. Just that I felt that those romance are forced as she is someone who would no need anyone by her side but pawns to discard. Yes, I think of her very highly as a character who's a tyrant.

I still really like it and would still read it though no matter what the ending(s) are.

I feel like I've committed a crime by telling this as I forgot that you write x reader stories. You can disregard this message. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh dear oh dear ~ I'm actually quite glad you approached me on this! I like that you're attuned to their personalities.

I'm assuming you're relatively new and so, wasn't there when I initially talked about Tyranny and the ending it would get.

Because I completely understand! I thought of the story, after all, and thought of the relationships really well. Ain't no way I'm about to shove "love MC GRRR" down their throats, nono :")

Cauuuuse, yes with the way Tyranny!MC is written it really screams 'I NEED NO MAN!' other than as source of leisure 🥴

NOW BUCKLE UP ITS TIME TO READ AN IN DEPTH- THING! This is long, and will be a pleasant read for those who want to know more about MC/LIs.

And MC's complicated reign. In general. As well as my writing... in general KSHDAJKHDSA

This ask is just too good to pass up!

I have a TLDR utc, but there's a looooong, long message too-

TL;DR: Trust me, the plot is nowhere near the half of the whole. There are plenty of stuff to go through, plenty to reveal (boy im still excited for that) and that includes proper development! Tyranny is a fic where morality is the center of conflict. I don't intend, for example, Alatus/Diluc (who loathes MC) to fall for her so suddenly. As a fanfic writer I strive to write the characters accordingly! There is no 'kiss kiss fall in love mwAH!' especially in the Tyranny universe. It may be difficult to see it for now, but trust me when I say that the endings will be realistic. There's one true ending for the conclusion of the fic. True, in this case meaning it is the canon ending, and separate bonus endings (aka the 'routes', think of this as an alternate world where Tyranny is a world of mercy) for the characters.

—

Now of course, even if this is a fanfiction and may not be as realistic as, well, reality (lol) I still aim to reflect realism when it comes to a character's emotions.

I can go ham with plots and twists but I take emotions and relationships seriously. No kissing on the first date! lmao

You'd see that in Fleur too. Fleur!MC is all 'marry me!' and flirty, but nothing ever happens from 0 to 100. So far it's only Fleur!Kazuha who has expressed interest in a date aside from Venti (hello roommate??/j)

Aether? Maybe. Xiao? Zero.

(Of course, that's Fleur as in the fic, not the arts and comics/omake that are set up as comedic/'harem' on purpose)

Happens too in my SMITE book! It has a sub genre of romance but in the 70+ chapters that there are, nothing vastly romantic has ever happened because? Smite!MC has no time for it.

NOW back onto Tyranny-

If you read the genres listed for it (tyranny) in the 'Observatory' there's no romance at all; it's angst, action, fluff. I take labels/genres to heart. That mirrors into the narrative itself.

Romance is just a smol bonus, a sub genre if you will. It's unlisted because it's not a priority. (Whereas if you look at 'Absconder', there's a romance tag because it includes AbyssPrince!Aether & he's regarded as MC's lover)

Surely you've noticed that, despite the LIs being LIs (really, in the first place there only are 'LIs' because as you said, I'm an 'x reader' writer :D), there aren't any solid, blooming relationships with MC at all aside from what is already present.

Which is resigned fealty.

Kazuha is merely following MC's orders and so are Alatus/Xingqiu/Bennett. They're doing only the absolute bare minimum.

(Well, Kazuha has a more intricate reason- still, there are no mentions about him ever feeling something akin to love. Just pity.)

No one ever smiles around her, either, only Albedo/Childe/Zhongli (he barely even does), who were more linked with her when she still wasn't a Queen.

Heck even Diluc only humors this because his life is literally aligned with hers and he plans to break that.

They loathe MC to the core (Alatus/Diluc).

And the others aside from Childe are on neutral grounds (well Xingqiu hates her too lol) for reasons.

—

1. Murder of the og royal family and villagers who were the cause of her siblings' death aside, MC is one heck of a complicated Queen.

The aristocrats she sent to the gallows were corrupt thieves/traitors who'd leak info about the Crown to other Kingdoms, and the criminals she hung were those who don't deserve a second chance. Really, the only time she spilled red out of her own leisure was that time with the villagers.. Not like that's good either.

She liked sending criminals to the gallows and the only time it was stopped was when Zhongli returned to take over the seat of Justiciar (judge) in the court.

2. She leads Khemia well. It's been mentioned that Khemia has prospered even more and military power has upped after she became Queen. Even the Knights are paid well.

The bit about 'being unfriendly' with other nations (note: Kuni, etc) is a problem long before she was even crowned. Yet, trade is good.

She lets the kingdom's traditions continue, aka the festivals. She just doesn't participate in them aside for a few. Yknow, 'eh go do whatever but dont rope me in it'.

It's also been stated that she holds audiences! Literally anyone can be granted, though its a rarity since they're afraid of her ahfjajcja

—

Such are the reasons. They're extreme and immoral, blown out of proportion. She's not the most merciful, but still she does things for the Kingdom.

Other casualties done by Childe are those who are a threat to her. A normal thing for a sovereign, assassination.

Xingqiu dislikes Albedo for aiding Rhine and MC in their quest to take the throne, but could tolerate him well enough because the reality is that, again, murder aside- it's no joke that Khemia has advanced.

It's also been stated in Conqueror that Kuni and Khemia are on thin ice (on the verge of probable war) yet MC is not initiating nor provoking the former. In fact, she went to Kuni (Queen's Retinue) to allay the bad blood between the two Kingdoms and even graciously welcomed Scaramouche when he came to her.

It's what stunned all the most; the nobles in house Khemia took their seats (Duke/Queen) seriously.

I don't condone MC's acts, but these reasons are just one of the many as to why several are torn with her as a ruler. Yes, she's such a wicked person, but she doesn't do things without basis.

Remember that time when she came to a public event instead of Albedo and was, to the surprise/fear of the public, amicable with the children.

Complicated thoughts from LIs are shown in their voicelines 'About the Queen'. I could go on and on about this but this will get too long lmao.

Fluster? Embarrassment? All those they only show when MC does something that warrants it (e.g. flirt), because it's a natural reaction.

Lmao when Alatus gets flustered because of her he absolutely HATES IT AJDJAJCJAJX like seriously, I don't think there ever is a Tyranny short with Alatus as an appearing character that doesn't include at least one mention where he goes 'UGH I HATE THE QUEEN SMMMM' or 'how long am i supposed to put up with this' 😆

And Kazuha. It's been implied that he knew of her way before she became Queen, knew way more.

He does not tolerate MC's actions (no one does- except for Childe HDJAJFWI) but does them because he intends to find something out. And the only way to do that was to stick by her side.

In most of Alatus/Diluc's POVs he thinks of her as a monster. Kazuha didn't even know that MC could weep until he saw her tearing up ('The Queen was much more human than he thought').

It's quite literally, only Childe/Scara/Zhongli who are interested at MC to some degree.

So do you see it dear? Albeit LIs, there is zero romance at all (again... Except for Childe AAAAAA) because it's impossible for it to grow D:

Now onto the endings ! I've mentioned it in my rambles that are now lost in the masses lol but I'll repeat it no matter how many times.

Tyranny will have one ending at first, the true ending, a realistic one that concludes the fic.

But, as you said it, I'm an 'x reader' writer, so there will still be a second ending (say an alternative, a merciful one) that branches off eventually to routes with specific LIs.

But even then! It's not a whole 'fall in love' route because it's.. insane lol, pacing where -?

And even then, again, romance will not be forced :') I assure you to trust me on this one~

In all of my ficlets where romance is the main focus, nothing wholly romantic happens especially when the characters have just met. Just the occasional tension and the flirting.

Unless of course, it's a pre-established relationship!

With what is presently released for Tyranny now, the concept of having 'romance endings' for the LIs may come off as forced. But, Tyranny is yet to reach half the whole plot, there are many things to uncover.

And whilst those are uncovered, so will the unraveling and development of how the LIs think of MC. It's a whole journey!

An agonizing slow burn. IT'LL BE A SHUCKING HIT IN THE HEART I PROMISE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

Also.. I've hinted that Tyranny.. well, even with that aside, if you know my way of writing in general, nothing really ends happily :)

Those who stand at the pinnacles are the ones who fall the hardest... hehe (resumes evil cackling)

Anyway.... :') yes, just trust me dear JDSHAJDASHJKDHAK

ps. OMG A CHILDE LOVER! He's rejoicing rn, fr frfrfrfr-