#i mean its a great argument tbf

[tuxedo-rabbit]

The human version of the special "convince Mythal" option is just gushing about how awesome Neve is.

Amazing. No notes.

[forsakenmissives]

just need to work this all out

ok so im unemployed fresh college grad atm and ive got job apps sent in and even an interview lined up but that interview is in the town my dad is in so im staying with my dad but in the time ive spent waiting for that date ive been with an employment agency but the job that place sent me to was the absolute worst and my mental health has plummeted to the point that i’m getting physically sick both bc of the job and bc i feel like i have to keep looking over my shoulder with my dad right there.

i skipped work saturday and today which is insanely immature but i cant think im struggling to sleep and eat bc of this and today i emailed the agency saying i wish to end our agreement. they said they wished i gave a notice (tbf i thought i had when i was like “i’m moving away” on saturday.. but whatever. actually not whatever — that shouldntve been discounted and im not entirely at fault here) but that they wish me the best and i said thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

earlier last week when i told dad this job is really bad for me he told me to stay working there until i get another job secured. i did not do that and now im terrified of telling him that i quit bc i dont know what hes going to do plus i dont want to talk about it with him i just want to be left alone

also this interview ive got lined up is for a really great company however i dread working there bc that means i have to stay with dad. i want to go back to where i used to live. also i dont like that one of the high up workers there is friends with my dad. being a nepo baby is great unless the nepo comes from my dad. i dont trust him to not keep tabs on me and i dont want him knowing what ive been doing or where ive been. not that im doing anything illegal i just want him to fuck off, yknow?

all of this leads back to the problem ive always had in that hes a huge control freak who needs to know everything going on in my life and i cant escape. my mom got out through the divorce but im still stuck here and i cant leave either bc even if i cant breathe with him and his wife and their kids i love my paternal grandparents and aunt and uncle. im just so paranoid and anxious and i feel like i cant breathe

im so sick of disappointing people but also the stuff my dad is proud of me about is stuff im not that proud of. its like i just cant win with him.

oh and paranoia aside i dont want to owe him anything bc he used to ignore me for months despite me calling and messaging him constantly (to the point that my mom was like “do you even love me? do you even want to be here do you even care?”) when he took me out for dinner one of the times he decided to acknowledge me he said he’d pay for a field trip (past the time the fee was due so i had to get special permission from the teacher) then the next week he said i only talk to him when i need money so actually no hes not giving me anything. WHAT. and then a couple years later he was like “i never got to be your parent you never let me be your dad :(“ and when i was like “why” he was like “i had to always go have fun with you instead of discipline you bc i didnt want our time together to be all sad and me getting mad at you” like again. WHAT.

he said that bc i was like “i was rly hurt when you said i only come to u for money bc i reached out to u a lot and u never replied”. so. idk what to do with that but i still dont rly understand the argument from him here. but yeah i was like rly hurt and then he started crying talking about how he never got to be my dad even tho i was like 19 when this convo happened so he had 19 years to try and didnt and its rly unfair that im supposed to feel guilty for denying him this even tho i was the child and he had total control he could decide what to do with me and he chose wrong and now hes taking it out on me here in this restaurant. ok.

its so fucked cuz now im like so was i doing something wrong all those times we were tgt? like idk im just scared around him bc i dont ever know if im doing something wrong bc he wont tell me or maybe he will or maybe he . idk i just cant sit still yknow?

also his wife is racist and ive got to deal with microaggressions from her. and hes a pastor

anyway i just needed to get that all out there to feel a bit less crazy. thank you for coming to my ted talk ✌️😗

OH YEAH. and he makes me feel stupid all the fucking time like i dont need a job right now. i Should get one but i dont have a mortgage im not buying groceries i dont need to pay for insurance I DONT NEED A JOB. but he told me to stay in this shitass job bc i need it. dude it had me out in the sun all day (ALL DAY) paying $10/hr and had me coming home genuinely thinking about killing myself. not even bc of the physical labor but bc it was so under-stimulating like i was in my head all day no music no interesting surroundings no conversation nothing for me to solve. and he was all like “well sometimes we have to do work that we don’t like” YEAH I FUCKING KNOW DICKHEAD. my mom said he talked like that to her too and also apparently ok not to brag bc im fr not but im rly smart like im fucking brilliant and my dad always acted like it was bc of him but my mom’s other kids are also brill while my dad’s other kids are… theyre sweet kids and intelligence isnt everything im aware i know but its like “really dickhead?” i just hate how he belittles u and talks like ur dumb. im not dumb. dont piss me off

[danpuff-ao3]

Hello! Love your blog, fics and the astro stuff you post. I admit I'm curious what house I would be in based on my astrology.

Sun: Scorpio. Moon: Virgo.

Mercury: Scorpio. Venus: Virgo

Mars: Scorpio

(I only now notice they are all Virgo or Scorpio 🤣😅. But that is my chart, alright.)

Hello there!! That's so great to hear, thank you! :D

You added in another message that your rising is Libra, so...

Sun - Scorpio - water - Slytherin

Moon - Virgo - earth - Hufflepuff

Rising - Libra - air - Ravenclaw

Mercury - Scorpio - water - Slytherin

Venus - Virgo - earth - Hufflepuff

Mars - Scorpio - water - Slytherin

Hmmm! Interestingly, I did a chart reading recently (elsewhere) for someone with heavy Scorpio & Virgo placements and I gotta say...I dig it. (I'm partial to Scorpios, though, tbf.)

Off the bat, by element alone, we see Scorpio in the lead (which would imply Slytherin), and Virgo-Hufflepuff just behind that. But let's see if the specific placements shift matters at all.

We'll begin with your lone air sign, Libra. The ascendant is how people see us. Very first impression sorta thing. But think: something in us, and because of us, is causing people to see us that way. So for you, that's Libra, the cardinal (forward moving) air sign (intellect, sociability.) Libra is the Scales (balance), and is ruled by Venus (love, peace.) So this might imply say a softer bearing. Libra is quite charming and polite and strives for harmony. But there is a sense of fairness and justice that can lean a little sharper and colder, with a person who sees both sides to all arguments, and plays devil's advocate. The diplomat, the peacekeeper.

There is a Ravenclaw energy to Libra. As a sign, it is not as famously studious as its fellow air signs, Gemini and Aquarius, and even Virgo might seem more knowledge-driven. But remember: that drive for peace, and fairness, and justice. One must be aware of what that is, and what it means. Libra has a strong sense of being socially aware, and socially intelligent, and learning for the sake of others. To better settle disputes. And it's very..."this is what I know, heard, so let me explore it from another angle." Both sides of the story, yeah? So quite Ravenclaw in its own way. But also pretty Hufflepuff, yeah? That aim for fairness, the patience, the friendliness.

Libra is ruled by Venus, making Venus the chart Ruler. And since Venus is also in Virgo, our second place sign, it feels natural to move there next.

So: the chart ruler is Venus, planet of love. This goes into love of people (romantic and platonic relationships) and things (hobbies, interests, etc.) We also see the moon here. The moon is our planet of emotion and subconscious; our inner world. Our sense of inner needs and comforts.

Both in Virgo, the mutable (changeable, adaptable) earth sign (stability, security.) Virgo is the Maiden, and is ruled by Mercury (information.) The very grounded nature of earth feels a bit at odds with the more flowy mutable energy, which more implies Virgo's capabilities more than desire. Virgo does what needs to be done, and it can adjust as needed. Virgo is very service-oriented. Virgo is perfectionistic, critical, capable, practical, and analytical.

So this energy colors the moon and Venus. Virgo moon implies a more analytical view of emotions, and an inner need for security and stability. And Virgo sees security as organization and perfection. Routine. There is a comfort in routine, and what can be relied on. This also moves into what they want from relationships, and how they express love. Virgo is very "acts of service" as a love language. Wants people in its life they can rely on. People who they can trust. Virgo, as an earth sign, is very sensual, and based in the physical/material world. So they might like a tidy space, and taking care of matters themselves. Also might mean an enjoyment of spa days, massages, a walk outside, etc.

Very Hufflepuff energy in Virgo, how hard working it is and how it gives to others. But it has a Ravenclaw nature that's sort of similar to Libra's. While Libra learns for the sake of a balance of ideas/ideals, Virgo learns for the sake of perfection. It can't make things correct if it doesn't know what correct is. And there is a sense of tangible outcomes, learning/acting with one's hands. Quite crafty, even. (Virgo might definitely enjoy (Venus) crafts (earth.))

Then we round out with SCORPIO. Here we see your sun, which is the core and ego; what energizes your soul. Mercury, which I call the planet of information, as it covers say the receiving of information (learning, thinking) and the sharing of information (communication, correspondence, travelling.) Then Mars is the planet of war, which covers aggression, action, challenge, drive, and sexuality.

All in Scorpio, the fixed (stubborn) water sign (emotion, intuition.) Scorpio is the Scorpion (duh) and is ruled by Pluto modernly, and Mars traditionally. So we see Scorpio as being quite skeptical, reserved, and curious. It can be a bit blunt, and a bit clever. Very intense, and passionate, even obsessive. Big feelings that it tries to hide, because emotion means vulnerability. Scorpio is also linked to all things dark taboo. A sense of understanding all that is scary and wrong with the world and with people, and part of why it holds back and watches carefully. Very analytical and tactically minded. It is the sign of shared resources, but is also a bit possessive; very "mine!" but desiring intimacy and a deeper connection. Desiring to feel safe and to trust and to be able to give to another. All the water signs are quite compassionate, though this might be the least obvious in Scorpio.

So for the sun, this is the energy at the very core of you. A whole lot of emotion, but perhaps hesitant to let any of it show. Very smart, very witty, very capable. Very hard-working and stubborn; willing to do what it takes, and go the mile. Scorpio feels quite fearless, except when it comes to that strong sense of self-preservation (hello, Slytherin.)

In Mercury, we see this in say...more subtle means of interacting. Not very direct, is Scorpio. Probably a bit sarcastic, a bit mysterious. Perhaps intrigued by strange or taboo subjects. (Why learn math when you can learn how bodies are embalmed?) Or subjects it finds useful. (Scorpio is quite resourceful, too.) Very reserved, private, and unwilling to say too much, whether it's obvious to who they're speaking with or not. (The kind of person you can have a whole conversation with and realize: you never learned anything about Scorpio, did you?)

And in Scorpio, Mars is domicile. And extra boost, because Mars' aims work best with Scorpio energy. Also Aries. And I think comparing the ruled signs gives a greater sense of things. Aries has all the fiery energy of Mars; very blunt and combative; Aries is the Warrior. Whereas Scorpio is the Spymaster. Very perceptive, and intuitive, and working in the shadows, and keeping to itself.

But there is still that very aggressive, hot energy in Scorpio.

Now, Mars represents that gets us going. What drives us. What pushes us forward. For Scorpio it might be that sense of self-preservation. It might be vengeance, or possessiveness. It might be its morbid curiosity pushing them on. But also how do they act? How do they move forward? Again, in those subtle Scorpio ways. Quiet, with sharp-eyes and a sharp-mind. Very tactical, even manipulative. Very aware. And very intense. It's not quite the white-hot intensity of Aries, but Scorpio's own dark and deep intensity, like being dragged to the bottom of the ocean. Scorpio's drive is very tireless, dedicated, laser-focused.

Big Slytherin energy in Scorpio, for sure; but a bit of Gryffindor, too, with that Mars rulership.

So how does this play out in the Houses?

Gryffindor: 3 minor points (sun, Mercury, Mars.)

Ravenclaw: 1 major point (Rising), 2 minor points (moon & Venus.)

Hufflepuff: 2 major points (moon & Venus), 1 minor point (Rising)

Slytherin: 3 major points (sun, Mercury, Mars)

The chart ruler gets a bit of a boost, but I also want to take a second to look at the luminary dispositors. You find this the same way as the chart ruler.

The sun is in Scorpio. Scorpio is ruled by Mars. Mars is the dispositor of the sun.

The moon is in Virgo. Virgo is ruled by Mercury. Mercury is the dispositor of the moon.

Now the dispositor planets sort of lend a bit of their own energy, and we see it blend a bit. But both dispoistors are in Scorpio. So the sun gets some extra Martian energy, but also specifically Scorpio Mars energy. And the moon also gets a bit of Scorpio flavoring from that Scorpio Mercury. And with Mars also being domicile...I don't think it plays out as closely between Hufflepuff and Slytherin as I originally thought. This one is pretty strongly

Slytherin

at least imo.

[urmumlelecksdee]

Just sent someone an ask asking their thoughts on hnk translations and I have OPINIONS

Bortz vs Bort is pretty clear to me it's just Bort. The name of the gem irl is Bort. Some mf making a sub (or maybe dub too idk I haven't heard it) heard the Japanese VAs say "ボルツ," which sounds like "bo-ru-tsu," and decided that their name is now Bortz. But that's like,, not the name lol its Bort. Tbf though googling Bortz comes up wiht a Wiktionary disambiguation page leading to Bort so like idk

---

Kongō vs Adamant is more of a question of translation vs localization. From the hnk wiki:

The kanji used in Kongo (金剛) is derived from the term Vajra, which means both "diamond" and "thunderbolt". A vajra is a symbol representing a force that is both indestructible and able to cut any substance (hence diamond), as well as unstoppable (hence thunderbolt).

So you can see where the word "Adamant" would come from this. The wiki page explains more on the origins of that word but you probably follow from here. While this is a good translation of the word in this context, Kongō isn't an adjective to be translated, it's his NAME! We don't translate characters named Yuki to Snow!

The argument here though is in lost meaning and intent. Kongō's name is such to carry the meaning (along with his figure) that he is one of great strength and formidability. The meaning of his name carries this through. It's like naming a character "Dr. Evil." The meaning of his name is that he's fucking evil. Or Dr. Eggman. He's shaped like an egg.

But this is about MY opinion, and MY opinion is that we should just use his name. I'm not really a fan of changing a character's name in a translation, even if meaning is lost, even in the name of localization. His name is Kongō and I like it that way.

---

And now for the PRONOUNCE! To my understanding, the Japanese language doesn't have gender-neutral pronouns, so the gems use words such as 'boku' and 'ore,' masculine terms, which double as being gender-neutral in languages lacking gender-neutral terms.

One manga translation interprets this as just using he/him pronouns for everyone. This just,, feels like it's missing the point. The gems really aren't that masculine and calling them all 'he' doesn't feel right.

Another translation uses they/them. I like this a lot better. They're all intended to be genderless after all.

But I think the individual gems are more nuanced than that. Diamond and Red Beryl for example are obviously super feminine, there's no argument there and I feel comfortable calling them she. Even the less hyperfem gems like Bort or Cinnabar don't feel androgynous enough to warrant more than a she/her. But we also have gems like Phos and Antarc, who totally feel a they/them and Antarc maybe even a they/he.

Ghost/Caringorm are my favorites to explore this with though. They're just a big trans allegory. Ghost feels feminine, but this "other person inside her" is too gender to be left alone. And when the outer shell is forcibly shredded away from Caringorm (in a really gruesome scene might I add), a much more masculine entity emerges, one that has always been there, fighting for control the whole time. Sound familiar? It's trans as fuck!

But even then Caringorm doesn't feel all the way he/him! They're like a he/they/she with how they act with Aechmea, solidly genderfluid in my eyes.

---

But that's just a the- my thoughts! I'd love to hear someone else's input on this too

[norsecoyote]

There's this one stupid internet argument I keep getting into even though I know I shouldn't.

I follow/participate in a forum thread about webcomics, which is a mixture of genuine appreciation for good ones and communal hate-reading of the really bad ones. One such Bad One is the inexplicably but wildly popular Lore Olympus.

Lore Olympus is a terrible fucking comic for so many reasons, all of which originate in the creator's stunning lack of talent for anything beyond creating a vaguely compelling aesthetic. Artistically, the characters are all literally indistinguishable from one another except that each one is colored different (by which I mean, their entire figure is colored, skin, hair, clothes, everything). All the women have identical figures and faces (although some have pointy ears). There are a whopping two types of men's bodies, "buff" and "willowy," but they all have the same noses. Oh, and all of these body shapes change wildly from panel to panel, with zero sense of proportion or scale between characters.

The writing is where the real deep problems start, though. The comic bills itself as a retelling of the myth of Hades and Persephone except this time Persephone has Agency™, which tbf is a great concept. The problem is that the author repeatedly goes miles out of her goddamn way to rob her of any possible agency in her situation. She is literally constantly being manipulated by the other gods, pushed into uncomfortable situations, entire jobs, relationships, etc. with zero chance to choose for herself. Even beyond the core plot details, though, her internal characterization is childish verging on infantilizing; we are constantly reminded how out-of-her-depth and naive she is about the big bad adult world of Mount Olympus.

Which is a segue into the really awful shit that this comic pulls, as it happens. See, in this weird-ass inconsistent interpretation of the mythos (don't even attempt to make sense of the worldbuilding, seriously), Hades and all of the other Olympians are ~2,000 years old. Persephone, meanwhile, is 18. Literally 18. Also, Hera assigns her (without any of Persephone's input) to work as Hades's intern (Hades here being the CEO of "Underworld Corp").

So we're already getting into rocky waters, since the comic has somehow conspired to make the power dynamics of this relationship even more unbalanced and one-sided than the original mythos, where Persephone was physically abducted and carried off. But the real damning thing is that, having established this titillatingly taboo relationship, the author makes a special point of establishing that what attracts Hades to Persephone is: her body. I wish I were joking, but there's literally zero time spent on what he likes about her as a person, versus whole episodes on his feelings of lust. Which is still better than Captain Agency, for whom we have actually ZERO sense of what she sees in the gangly blue asshole (Hades is blue, which is the only way to tell him apart from his brothers, who are yellow and green).

So the comic sucks, and that's not even getting into the ways that every single character who suggests that maybe it's not appropriate for Hades to romantically pursue his 1,982-years-younger employee is immediately thereafter shown to be hypocritical and/or sabotaging the relationship for their own selfish ends, or the way that Persephone begins to come to terms with having been raped (in an early scene) not through any actions or reflection of her own but via Eros using his magic fuck-detecting powers(?) to realize and exclaim out loud, with other people present, that she's not a virgin anymore(??!!!!) and pressuring her into telling him the whole story. The comic sucks in both concept and execution and I kind of hate that it's apparently popular enough to get optioned for an animated series.

None of that is the stupid argument I keep getting into, though.

The stupid argument is that many posters in the thread, when asked (say, by a newcomer) why Lore Olympus is so bad, will say something like "because it's about how a really toxic type of relationship" (i.e. one with an enormous age- and power-gap) "is Good, Actually."

And mostly I can just let this slide, but every once in a while I am compelled to say, "actually, it's not bad because it wants to tell a romance about a powerful older man falling for a younger woman, it's bad because it does a really bad job of telling that story, in a way that actively glorifies the imbalance and either glosses over or actively mocks all reasonable issues with it."

Because, IMO, you shouldn't say that art is bad because of its subject matter. Just because I think relationships in real life like the one depicted in Lore Olympus are highly likely to be toxic and dangerous to the weaker/younger half doesn't, itself, mean that LO is bad for trying to make a counterargument.

But the other posters say: yes, this kind of relationship is so toxic that there's no possible way to write positively about one without being Bad.

And I suggest, just because you disagree with art or find its themes repugnant does not, in itself, make that art Bad. Maybe there are some topics that are just so taboo they should never be touched, but I dunno, the universe of human relationships is vast and varied enough that I don't think this crosses the line. I can imagine there being a romance about a couple like this that has artistic merit.

And they say: I didn't realize "45 year olds shouldn't get romantically involved with a 19 year old under any circumstances" was a hot take.

And that's when I start to get Mad On The Internet and go crying into my tumblr.

[raquellmurillo]

What in world was the point of the storyline between Sergio and Nairobi's baby?? Why write it?? Just to cause drama and break up Sergio and Raquel??

As you’ve seen in my other answer, imo this totally didn’t make sense at all; why would Sergio ‘the genius’ agree because of his family history? And why would Nairobi ask such a sensitive question knowing how much he had suffered due to ‘genetics’; especially considering they’re not the last two people left in the world?

Oh my dear, I am so so afraid; it was so random, but they put it in there for some reason - considering they dedicated a whole two or so scenes to this, I think its important to them. Meaning they’re probs gonna pick it back up. They don’t like the emotional ‘baggage’ of s1&2 but anything they write they go through with, unfortunately nearly 100% of the time.

I have no clue as to why Raquel was transported to the bank (...isn’t it so much more effort to buy an army helicopter and fly it through central Madrid, stage some weird shoot out with Gandia, rather than just return her safely to the control room? Like Marseille is piloting that helicopter and the assumption is he manages to get back to the professor without being tracked down, followed etc... If they can’t trace a person who flew an army helicopter - like if you’re gonna be able to trace anything its a helicopter, - and the movement of that same person who just got out of it, surely you should be able to get away with some less drastic measures to escape? Why not buy a ‘city tours’ helicopter and fly out somewhere? Because there are going to be more ‘private’ helicopters around making it far more difficult to trace than army ones? Considering its flown to the bank and you know exactly which one it is you need to track down? Coz like if they had a different helicopter and didn’t fly it to the bank, it would give them some time advantage as they’d first need to find what  helicopter they need to track etc. It wasn’t exactly a subtle escape... is Marseille okay??) anyhows...

Only Sergio, Tokyo and Nairobi know. If Raquel does something wrong, or get into an argument with Tokyo, I bet this is gonna be her #1 thing to hit Raquel with. Causing obvs some sort of argument between her and Sergio... which could eventually lead to the paranoia of the whole group thinking that if she’s not with Sergio, she must be against them. 

Also, I hated the girls party scene, for this precise reason. This season is trying so hard to be s1&2; the first ‘party scene’ happened after Nairobi told Tokyo about her kid. I can think of over a million different reasons to have a drink... I hate the idea of an “aLl GiRls ParTy” ... like, let go babe; its so in your face it loses the naturalistic value which makes it cool. The original one was cool because Tokyo said some shit to Nairobi and then saw her stretchmarks and went to investigate, and we got the cool backstory, bonding and of course, the tequila. It wasn’t Tokyo coming in saying ‘did I hear music?’, no, of course it wasn’t, because at this point they weren’t friends and Nairobi would’ve thrown her out lol

So why were Monica and Raquel there? Why wasn’t it Marseille who came in to join them? It should make as much sense for him to come in as for the girls or anyone in the monastery. Considering the last time we saw Raquel and Tokyo in a scene away from the gang it wasn’t exactly all lovely... I’m not saying they shouldn’t be friends or civil with each other, she just really doesn’t seem like Raquel’s choice of company (wouldn’t be mine either tbf). Girl power narration is great, but its not great the moment the gender becomes more important than the characterisation. What is this ‘they’re all girls they must like each other’ bullshit like, ya know, women don’t have to hate each other but they also don’t have to be besties with every other female character, especially if they haven’t had any scenes which narrate them as friends and are very different personality wise... lets not be afraid to write strong female characters which are intelligent enough to pick which other females (or males) they want to be friends with and spend their free time with. yall trying too hard to integrate Raquel ya forget she doesn’t have to tolerate Tokyo and her childish bitchy behaviour. If anything Raquel should be mad at Tokyo for her inexplicably stupid which has lead them to have to put their life at risk. WHy is she drinking with them? The whole scene of Tokyo walking in on her and the professor... WHY yall NOT WRITING THEM TO BE BESTIES HERE, now??? lmao lets talk people not genders; that way you’re not singling it out so muchhh lmaooo :,< 

Raquel and Monica being friends is nice, they’re both new, probs closer age wise...why would they chose to spend their free time with Tokyo (I mean, realistically who would??) if they can go to Helsinki’s room which is on the same corridor and do shots! I bet he ordered boxes of them Balkan Slavic holy water’s (imma tell you that there is no going back once you try those fruit liquors) now he is finally back in Europe - why isn’t there a scene of Monica, Raquel and Helsinki doing shots with Denver playing with Cinci in the background (...like ya know, the adults together and the kids together.)  

The only reason they came in because they wanted it to be a girls party - which, darn, I’m not against at all, like gimme that content,- but make it naturalistic ffs give me a reason to put all of them in a room other than ‘we heard music’; bullshit, can the guys not hear music? Considering they’re still new to the gang, if anyone should feel ‘not so sure’ about entering, shouldn’t it be them? Also, the only reason they are celebrating makes it a hundred times worse for those exact two to come in. It gave me a vibe of a ‘coming of age’ or whatever you call them movies, when the popular girls invite the nerdy and shy girl to the party to laugh at them. Isn’t this exactly what it is? It’s not a narrative of female empowerment, of a cool ‘girls night’; it’s the exact opposite. It’s showing more of a destructive image of females; one of them is gonna have a kid with the others boyfriend, which they know about but she doesn’t. They’re literally laughing in Raquel’s face; it’s not a cute girls bonding scene, its cruel. It made me feel deeply uncomfortable because I don’t think Nairobi is that type of character. I honestly felt so sorry for Raquel. 

If they were writing a scene of dramatic irony to show the audience how Raquel (Monica too, as she is equally ‘not told anything’) thinks she’s part of the gang, but in reality she is not and they’re making her think that to fool her at some later point of the show... they totally succeeded. I’d buy that, ya know! Make it more interesting... why force them to be friends when a narrative of distrust is so much more fitting and interesting. ANd if you’re gonna write a bonding scene...... do it motherfucking right. I don’t want to feel uncomfortable watching fun content. Like yall, I refuse to gif that scene as I am morally opposed to it lmaoooo

[benstillers]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[catsafarithewriter]

“Someone tell me what’s going on because I have no idea what I’m looking at right now” I imagine Harry saying that about something that the cat bureau did that might be bad or funny. The last prompt you did made me cry but that means that you did a great job!!!👍👍👍👍 keep up at your work and keep being amazing!!!!

A/N: I feel like writing is one of the few things you can get told “it made me cry, good job!” and I love that XD I went for something funnier here because I’ve been working on TBF and the last chapter made me feel things. 

ALSO: @nalua93 you sent me the prompt: “How’d you light that on fire? I didn’t even know that was possible.” I made a note of it and Tumblr promptly ate it, but it combines well with this ficlet, so here you go! One for the price of two!

x

Haru didn’t remember much from her chemistry classes. 

Truth be told, she had always known that chemist was never going to be a viable career option for her, so she hadn’t exactly thrown herself into it the same way she had with her other subjects. She had passed, and that was the important thing. 

She was, however, fairly certain that stone didn’t burn. 

She stood under the archway of the Sanctuary’s entrance, hands clasped together as if in prayer and chin leaning against them as she regarded the pandemonium laid out before her. She was very still and very calm despite the fact that her heart was racing at a hundred miles an hour. Her threshold for panicking had risen considerably since joining the Bureau, but even so she was on the verge of hitting her limit. 

“Someone,” she said loudly over the roar of flames, “tell me what’s going on because I have no idea what I’m looking at right now.”

The rest of the Bureau were standing a safe distance off from the fire and were giving the column of flames the same kind of look that mechanics give particularly stubborn cars. They did, however, jolt at her voice. 

Was it her imagination, or did Baron look just a smidgen guilty?

“What’s it look like to ya?” Muta demanded. “It’s a blooming big pillar of fire.”

“I get that,” Haru said weakly, “but why?”

Muta and Toto pointed to Baron. 

“Now, I hardly think that’s fair–” Baron began. 

“Messing with magic? Again?” Before Baron could protest - as if magical mishaps courtesy of his trial and error wasn’t a regular occurrence - she continued. “How? I mean, just how did you set Toto’s column alight? It’s stone. It’d have to be… be…”

“Nearly as hot as magma,” Toto supplied when Haru couldn’t even imagine what temperatures would set stone on fire. 

Baron’s sheepish aura lifted. “Ah, I see your confusion. The column itself is not on fire, but is actually surrounded by a circular wall of flame caused by something in its centre.”

Haru stared. “And that makes things better how?”

“Well, at least the column isn’t on fire.”

“Wow, the bar is so low.” She glanced to him, tearing her eyes from the disaster for a few seconds. “Isn’t fire, like, supremely bad news for you? You’re made from wood. Last I checked, fire beats wood.”

“I was indeed sculpted from wood, but in my current form I am as flesh and blood as you.”

“Oh good,” Haru said faintly. “Then you’ll just burn like the rest of us.”

“Not all of us,” Toto interjected. “I was carved from stone.”

“Can you do that? Change back and keep moving?”

“With some magical effort, yes.”

“Toto,” Baron said, “we’ve discussed this. You’re not going in there alone. We have no idea what’s causing this.”

“Let me know when you come up with one of your foolproof, risk-free plans you’re so well known for thinking up then.”

“You still haven’t told me how this all started,” Haru reminded them, interceding before there could be the risk of an uncharacteristic argument between Toto and Baron. “I get that you were messing with magic-” and she barrelled on before Baron could protest “-but what kind of magical mess does that?” 

Baron mumbled something. 

“What was that?”

He mumbled again.

“He was working on his light show,” Muta translated. 

“And he set the air on fire?”

“I set nothing on fire!” Baron hotly protested. “I was simply trying a new angle for the light, and it seems to have.. triggered something.”

“There was a cracking sound from the pillar,” Toto said. “And the next thing we know - whoosh.” 

“Stone en flambe,” Muta added. 

Toto snorted under his breath. 

Baron looked less than amused. Haru wasn’t aware that it was possible to blush past fur, but some of his ginger fur looked decidedly redder than she was familiar with. 

She tore her gaze away, aware that maybe staring too long at Baron would raise questions, and looked back to the pillar of fire just as something collapsed from it. Haru yelped and leapt aside, brain muddling in adrenaline-fuelled panic, and nearly jumped the wrong way. She skittered out of falling range and grey bricks bounced past her feet. Round. Smooth. Familiar. 

The remains of Toto’s plinth rolled to a halt against the archway. 

Gazes were beginning to be exchanged when the ground shook and the paving stones rippled like waves on an ocean. Haru dropped down to a crouch before she could fall. A weight on her shoulder told her Baron had joined her before the waves could swallow him up at his current height. 

“Wh-what–” she juddered “–did you do?”

“I told you - light magic–” Baron began. 

“Light magic doesn’t d-do this!”

And then the shaking stopped. The column of fire vanished. The silence that followed - devoid of the crackle of flames or the rattle of stones - was almost heavy. Haru could hear her own breaths. Her own heartbeat. The creak of her joins as she rose back to her feet. 

A infant’s wail.

She tiptoed towards the source - which was, naturally, in the centre of the Sanctuary, right where the fire had circled and Toto’s column had originally rested - and there was a tiny cavity in the ground. About a foot in width, once upon a time hidden by the base of Toto’s column, and only another foot deep. 

Inside rested the remains of an egg. 

It was speckled blue, like a sparrow’s egg except for some rather major details. The first of which, obviously, was that this egg was at least tenfold - if not double that again - the size of a sparrow’s egg and that sparrows - in Haru’s experience - were not in the habit of laying their eggs beneath stone pillars. 

And the final - most damning - clue was the fact that inside the cracked egg sat a dragon. 

Haru took a sudden intake of breath, all the shock she could afford to give in a day already full of surprises. “Tell me that’s not what it looks like,” she said.

“It’s not what it looks like,” Baron echoed dutifully.

“It’s… it’s a lizard or something. Just… your average lizard that hatches from an egg hidden away for… who knows how long in a blast of fire… Baron, how the flip did you manage to hatch a dragon’s egg?” Haru eventually demanded. “I mean. Seriously?”

Toto landed on her other shoulder, head dipped in thought. “Dragon eggs can go through a period of almost unlimited dormancy; it’s possible that egg has been down there for longer than we’ve been at the Sanctuary. If Baron’s experimentation with his usual light show managed to somehow pierce through to the egg, it might have mistaken it for being removed and prompted it to hatch.”

“And… the fire?”

“Some dragons only hatch in fire. It’s very possible the Sanctuary provided fire to help it.”

“Yeah, well, some warning woulda been nice,” Muta muttered. He finally joined them, looking a little worse for wear after the earthquake. He made a face at the baby dragon that was nearly as large as him. “So, uh, what’d we do with it now? Is there a dragon cattery we can drop it off at? A draggery? The RSPD?”

The dragon clawed its way out of its egg and stumbled on newborn legs towards Haru. She took a half-hearted step back but didn’t try to pry it off as it grabbed her ankle. It curled around her foot like a possessive cat. “Uh no. Dragon’s don’t…. uh, they don’t imprint, do they?”

The dragon gave a soft crooning noise that almost sounded like a purr. 

“Some dragons do,” Toto said.

“This one?”

“…Maybe.”

“I can’t look after a dragon! I can barely look after houseplants! I managed to kill a spider plant once!”

“How?” Baron asked. 

 “I just… look, I cannot be this dragon’s mommy, okay? Even if I was the queen of houseplants, I’m not allowed pets in my flat. My landlady would have my head. And - and dragons get big, don’t they? I don’t even have a garden. How long before it outgrows my tiny apartment? I don’t have enough space to swing a cat on the best of days - sorry. But, come on, this is crazy, I cannot…” 

She trailed off as the dragon continued to croon happily. 

Her common sense yielded a few brain cells to the basic instincts of ‘cute’ and ‘pet’. She reluctantly gave it an obliging scratch behind the ears and the entirely of her brain threw in the towel as the dragon crooned happily and leant into the touch. 

“Dammit,” she whispered. “Alright, but you guys are helping with toilet training.” 

[imthemuthafuckingcricket]

I was tagged by the lovely @somewheremeantforme

10 Favorite female characters

What? Only 10? Alrighty then…Potential spoilers and rambles. Here we go.

1.Angrboða [Poetic Edda/Norse Mythos]- I don’t know if she counts as a character, but considering she is not a real person that is alive and breathing I’ll add her to the list. I have always found her fascinating and her lack of media presence just fuels me to do more research and gdi I should just write/draw her more, but I can never get her right. And dammit Angrboda deserves, nay demands perfection.  Anyways I feel as though Angrboða doesn’t get enough respect. Grief bringer? Mother of Monsters/Wolves? Hag of Ironwood? Chief?? Yea she’s badass and is worth more than her relationship to Loki(e)…I could go on…

2.Integra Hellsing [Hellsing] - I don’t know man she’s just cool. I wish I could be that cool.  

3.Princess Carolyn [Bojack Horseman]- Oh where to begin, this is one of the best female characters I have seen written. PC is at her core the stereotypical “I don’t need a man, I don’t need anybody all I need is my career. Oh no I’m almost 40yrs old and I’m lonely” character, but still the show gives her so much more beyond that. She is working hard to adopt, she genuinely cares about her friends/loved ones and will do anything to help them, when Diane wanted an abortion she was upset that Diane was willingly giving up what she could never have but still at the end of the day didn’t vilify Diane and talked to her (this whole episode btw was amazing and dealt rly well with abortion) I also enjoy Diane as a character and her flaws, most of the female characters are written really well, I’m getting sidetracked here but yea watch Bojack Horseman. Anyways, PC is a strong person (cat?), but we get to see her at her most vulnerable “It's…just…really hard to need people” and her struggles. PC can be pushy and one-sighted and yes her helping people is not completely selfless and in some way it benefits her. Besides wanting children, I never thought I would related to a pink cat wearing a fish dress so hard.

4.Lady Eboshi [Princess Mononoke]- In many ways she is the villain and the main antagonist (I say this bc there are multiple villains) of the movie but I find her interesting in that she is not wholly evil.  Though she is horrible to the environment and the animals/spirits living there she is a fair leader, who has helped the unwanted and worthless of society and gave them work and a home. Her people genuinely love and care for her. Which is another reason I love this movie because it hints at “Humanitarian vs. Environment” Lady Eboshi being the personification of this argument, also Lady Eboshi highlights how one person can do excellent work/relief in one area and be a completely shitty person in another area. Does her bad deeds cancel out all the good she has done? This is a favorite argument of mine, just in a general sense.

5. Evelyn O'Connell [The Mummy]- Come on I made a post specifically about how I wanted to be like Evie when I got older. Super brave and intelligent woman that could read Egyptian( I think she knew multiple other languages as well) studied/worked in Egypt,  got to go on a magical adventure in EGYPT. When I was a kid I was majorly into Ancient Egypt (I haven’t quite outgrown that). I also had a big thing for Lara Croft too and I think that goes hand-in-hand with Evie. But most importantly… “ I AM A LIBRARIAN!”

6. Haruka Tenou [Sailormoon]-  Baby gay [me] was gay way longer than she anticipated. Also...A E S T H E TI C

7. Medea [The Medea]- Countless essays have been written about Medea that would go way deeper into her complexity as a character than what I can do right now. Yea, she’s an interesting character that is by all means not a hero, but it also a victim herself. And one of the few stories from the classics that revolves around a woman, that isn’t two-dimensional.

8.Leslie Knope [Parks&Rec]- I’m going to say it, Leslie knope is the reason that P&R is far superior to the Office even though the writing team is practically the same and the humor at its base is also the same. Leslie Knope is not Michael Scott, Michael is pretty bad (tbf I haven’t finished the series, so we’ll see), But despite Leslie’s many flaws she’s still endearing, hardworking w/ high goals, loves her friends/job and her community. Again, I’m not saying she is perfect because she has such high standards/expectations that she expects everyone to meet her at these impossible heights, often ignores her friends’ advice/complaints even if it’s all with good intentions, can be mean and so forth. Ill admit it, she makes me want to work harder and the character Ron Swanson was great at balancing her out.

9. Rosa Diaz [B99]- Rosa is a cool character with a cooler jacket and I enjoy watching her, I don’t have a deeper reason than that.

10. Anthy Himemiya [Revolutionary Girl Utena]- Anthy is a character that has more questions than answers within the context of her own story. She has done many horrible things and should be held accountable, however, Anthy has been the victim of abuse for years and as a character we must take that in consideration. But where do we draw the line for guilt/personal responsibility? How much physical/emotional abuse can really mess a person up and drive them to these terrible acts? Also, I thought she had the most character growth in the series, which made the ending all the more powerful because of what she went through and the choices she had to make to get there. However, I would literally die for all the women in RGU so…

Bonus: Xena the Warrior Princess, Medusa

Mutuals/followers please feel free to do this and tag me in your post!

[hraunwyf-a]

ummmm loki/alu

who would be the big spoon/little spoon?: alu is always big spoon. loki likes to be wrapped up in his arms or whatever amalgamation of limbs and/or spooks he has at the time, and alu is ofc very protective and possessive of her so i’d imagine it’s natural for him anyway.

who would wake up first?: hhhh buh. hard to say due to the different hours they keep, but if they’re together, i think alu wakes first. 

do they have nicknames for each other?: not really? though loki prefers calling alu vlad.

how do they apologize after an argument?: tbf i don’t think they argue

what would they be like as parents?: nope ! none of that ! alu’s a great dad i’m sure but loki’s a fucking horrible person who should not have kids

who is more romantic?: alucard

what sort of gifts do they get for each other?: fucked if i know if gifts even matter to either of them

who gets jealous easiest?: alucard would probably eviscerate someone for looking at loki longer than two seconds while he’s around

who gets more excited for events e.g.. birthdays, christmas?: i don’t think they mean anything to alu, honestly, but loki’s more attuned to like religious events/holy days and i think she probably remembers alu’s birthday, the day they met... their anniversaries, if u will

who is the most adventurous?: i think loki in this case.

who is the most protective?: alu again

what would they have been like as childhood sweethearts?: uh... if they were both children at the same time and place with the same sets of circumstances, i don’t think ‘sweethearts’ would have been the word as much as ‘traumatized children trying to make escape plans’

who uses all the hot water?: loki? alu dun cur

who would accidentally set the kitchen on fire whilst cooking?: neither. loki’s too good at it and alu eats people

who initiates sexy times the most?: loki

who is more dominant?: alu

what would they do if the other one was hurt?: alu would gruesomely mutilate the person responsible while loki would probably murder everyone involved in getting alu into a situation where he could be seriously hurt at all

who gives nose/forehead kisses?: alu does. we all know it. we all fuckin know it

what their biggest fight was/will be about: god, it would have had to have been near to when they met. i think loki was bound and determined to get that place at his side, probably at aon time when he was completely averse to relationship with anyone. i feel like she had to work for it, but it’s had its rewards, obvi.

BONUS #1- song to sum them up?: i don’t know any songs sorry (i’m terrible at picking)

BONUS #2- a head canon?: loki knows songs. loki knows songs from forever ago, some songs that are literally from sometime around forever ago. she likes to hum them during afterglow with her fingers in alu’s hair.

BOTTOM LINE- do i ship it?: nope

[inhale-in-hell-theres-heave-blog]

romanticisation and reality

i’ve always been one to hold onto the past. it’s a very unwelcome part of me which decides that i should definitely still be awake at 2am replaying moments from days or weeks or years ago in my head and wishing i could do them again differently instead of doing what anyone else would do by laughing about it and moving on 

like when i suddenly remember a much better meme i could have used to end a twitter argument which would have likely made me look a lot funnier and like i didn’t care and less like i was actually crying into some chicken selects because i had been simultaneously dumped and then humiliated lol xD 

or when i think about when i used to get a bit wild on yunghan420 (follow if u want to be pissed off by the shitposts about once a week) and post things i’d immediately regret and then i’d end up with about 7 less friends than before and a lot of lost respect from people WHICH IS FAIR ENOUGH bc tbf was such a cunt on there i shouldn’t even be allowed it 

or when i could have just handled things a lot better. i never know how i feel about astrology but i do basically fit the characteristics of ur classic aries, especially in doing things before thinking and putting emotions b4 rationality etc,. which is not really ideal ahahhahahahahahah it’s so bad i basically regret about 91% of social decisions and just torture myself w/ thinking about them over and over

but there’s another side to this. i realised that past memories go either way with me- either i’ll repress them and then use them as reasoning as to why i am not a functioning human & should probs be euthanised or i’ll overthink them to a point where the actual events become very overexaggerated caricatures of how they actually happened lol

e.g from september to christmas felt like a peak for me - i had a pretty stable friendship group, a boyfriend, i felt so confident etc etc

or did i???

have I just over thought it? was i really happy? am i just remembering the positives about that group and deliberately blocking out the parts where i felt left out in order to regret distancing myself (because i am alexander hamilton and i will never be satisfied clearly)?? am i overexaggerating how happy i was in that relationship and forgetting the distrust (amongst other things lmao)?? was i really happy then or am i just choosing to portray that part of my life as the happiest to make up for how i feel now? i dONT KNOW gosh darn it 

again with the last boy i was with. as soon as we met i felt a click immediately and i knew that i could spend months with him. i enjoyed spending time with him more than anything else in the world, hence why i am still very hung up on him and listen to jeff buckley about 3 times a day because it reminds me of him but i digress. did i really feel this or has this only come about since he ended it? i know i’ve romanticised it to some degree, partly because it was the relationship i’ve dreamed of for so long. he took me out at night and we sat in the car and listened to the sound of the smiths and watched louis theroux in his cute lil room which was so ideal and he was older and could drive and it gave me the approval i wanted from not only him but also everyone else. it was perfect until one day it changed and he ended up telling me very nicely and gently that he wasn’t really looking for a relationship which was obviously a fucking blow when you’ve invested so much of ur already fragile self in him :-) 

but what i’m trying to get at here is that i’m not sure what is really true and what i’ve romanticised. yes we had a wonderful time but it wasn’t all great. i knew he had to go to uni etc. we probably weren’t a perfect match at all. i think its just the fact it never really got started which left me able to speculate because it ended at a point where anything could have happened and gave me endless scope to romanticise what might have been if it hadn’t ended. (e.g easter ball. i had such high hopes for easter ball and when i got there all i could think about was that i could have gone with him ffs). through no real fault of his own, he left me with no choice but to picture everything that we could have been while he’s likely to have happily moved on and probably gives me very little thought or maybe thinks about me only when he sees me in school or sees my name in his contacts or scrolls past louis theroux on netflix because he’s moved on and probs sees me as a charming but unstable girl who he regrets introducing to his parents or some shit whereas i blatantly haven’t (and i probably should just face the fact i was more invested than him) AS U CAN SEE i’m just out here wondering what might have happened if we were still together

and i see myself doing this with so many things which tbf makes me worry i am basically jay gatsby who, although fictional lmao, i draw many similarities with. this sounds quite far fetched but roll w it i promise i am both revising eng lit here and also making conclusions about myself lmao. gatsby dates daisy for a month and ends up hung up on her for 5 years. he reinvents himself, changes his name, buys A MANSION TO LIVE OPPOSITE HER, THROWS HUGE FUCK OFF PARTIES IN THE HOPE SHE’D GO u get the picture. and when he eventually gets her back he’s still not satisfied. he wants more and more, for her to erase the last 5 years. DO U SEE WHAT I MEAN !! if i got him back, or my old friends back, i probably still wouldn’t be happy. i wouldn’t be able to compromise in a way that i wouldn’t regret at least one decision in that process. i would still want more SO I AM BASICALLY GATSBY AND WILL PROBS GET SHOT IN MY POOL (or hamilton bc am never satisfied so will probs get shot by my political rival or something)

so i think the real moral of this absolute shambles of self realisation is that i need to stop living in the past and focus on the future. yes i have been happy in the past but just bc these things have ended doesn’t mean i need to be unhappy. they aren’t defining factors of how i feel but merely just things to contend with which i am very sure i can do if i stop clinging onto things which once made me happy 

how to do that, you ask? well i am not entirely sure but it seems fairly logical that if most of the world’s population, excluding the $10 founding father and 1920s literary figure james gatz, are able to move on and function normally then i’m sure with a bit of work i can. by acknowledging the things that happen to me as happy memories which are in my life for a reason rather than mistakes which i constantly wish i could change, hopefully i can start to move on and focus on other things !! 

easier said than done haha cannot wait to slide back into sadness after writing this 

jks i am trying to be positive i promise

hope u enjoyed this self absorbed shitpost with almost no real meaning except for a weak literary comparison and how i should probs move on from him bc its been a solid 7 weeks hahahahHAHAHAH banter

peace x