#i mean it's someone i live with and would i have been in the same situation i would have been soooooo maaaaaaad 😭
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something-like-a-heart · 1 day ago
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My best friend is a man who’s thirteen years older than I am—nearly thirteen and a half, in fact—and we’ve been mistaken for a couple many times over the years. This used to annoy me a bit, but these days the balance has shifted a bit more towards amusement, and the last time someone called us a couple in front of us, neither of us actually bothered to correct them. Given that we largely fill the role of “partner” in each other’s lives, aside from the fact that we’ve never slept together, they may have almost had a point in calling us that.
I’m visibly younger than he is, but even when I was thirty and he was forty-three, nobody really seemed to be upset about our age difference. I doubt that anyone would raise an eyebrow now that I’m forty-two and he’s fifty-five. And even if they did, I wouldn’t especially care. We have a strong relationship built on trust, mutual interests, and love. The fact that he was born in the same year as the first successful moon landing and I was born the year they released E.T. somehow doesn’t seem to be especially significant. It just means that there’s a chance that I may have to spend a few years without him before I die, but even then, given our families’ respective average lifespans, even if I do outlive him, it’s not likely to be for very long.
Age differences like ours can come with a few challenges, I won’t deny that, and early on I did occasionally worry that I might be too immature to meet him on an equal level. But our ages are not the most important thing about us, and because we’re so fond of each other we have a significant amount of motivation to resolve any conflicts that may arise.
90% of age gaps don’t matter when you’re a grown adult as long as you don’t have a repeated pattern of dating people barely legal. I would date someone 30 years older than me if I liked them who gaf
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myth1cs · 3 days ago
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Soulmates (Hirai Momo & Myoui Mina x M!Reader)
I FINALLY finished writing this. I'm done, I'm never writing a one shot this long again.
Read part 1: Love Warning (smut)
Word Count: 7,004
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1 month after the events of "Love Warning"
As you were sitting in your office you got a phone call on your office phone.
"Hello?"
"You know what I'm calling for Y/N."
You took a deep sigh, hung up the phone, and made your way to Momo's office.
Ever since you took back the job you quickly realized why you wanted to quit in the first place. The only thing keeping you was the promise of sex with your boss.
Knocking on her door you waited for her to say "Come in." before you went in. "Go ahead close the door and lock it for me Y/N." she told you and you obliged.
"What's wrong Y/N is something on your mind?"
"It's nothing." you state as you make your way over to her.
"You suck at lying just tell me Y/N."
"No really I'm fine."
"I won't let you lick my pussy ever again if you don't tell me what's bothering you. Now tell me what's wrong."
You sighed, there was no getting past her. "Look it's just that I feel like doing this job is wearing me down. The only thing keeping me here is-"
Momo cut you off "Shh no need to say more Y/N I understand. I'm sorry I never paid much attention to your needs. How about you take a week off and I'll have Mina cover your work. Will that work for you?"
"Would that really be fine?"
"It'll be fine. Don't worry I'll let Mina yell at me."
"But who will take over Mina's work?"
"I can do it."
"No Momo I can't take a break if it means that you will have a bigger work load."
"Y/N I'm your boss and it's my job to make sure your mental health is okay. So please let me do this for you."
You knew there was no convincing her otherwise.
"Alright."
"Go ahead and go home and I'll go ahead and call Mina to tell her about her work change."
"Thank you Momo."
You walked out the door and headed to your office to grab your things before you went home.
"H-Han? Why are you in my office?"
"I've been looking for you Y/N."
"Why?"
"I just wanted to check up on you. Lately you've been behaving a little more ... I don't know how to say this without it coming off as weird but I feel as if you've been a little more depressed recently. I just wanted to check up on you maybe ask if you wanted to hangout with me on my lunch break."
"Han I don't know what to say."
Even if you didn't say it you were a little touched by the fact that Ji-sung noticed your struggle. Even Momo who you saw every day didn't notice. Though it was likely that she didn't notice cause she was too busy giving you head.
"Shit did I miss the mark Y/N? I'm sorry that was unprofessional of me."
"No Han it's fine really. But I should tell you that I got a week off from work so my mental health should be fine."
"I'm glad to hear that. Just call me if you ever need someone to complain to."
"Will do."
Suddenly Han's phone buzzed and he pulled it out to check it.
"Damn it."
"What happened?"
"Lee Know is upset I didn't finish my work yesterday."
"Good luck with that."
Han left the room and you started to collect your things.
When you finished collecting your stuff you started heading out but before you could even make it out of your office doors you ran into yet another coworker.
"Mina what are you doing here?"
"So you're going on break for a week?"
Ignoring your question to ask her own ... typical.
"Answer my question first asshole."
"Feisty today huh? Would you do the same if I was Momo?"
"Quit yapping and get to the point."
"Don't you know patience is a virtue? But fine I'll cut to the chase, do you live alone Y/N?"
"Yeah I live alone."
"Good give me your address now."
"Why?"
"Don't you think it's time for you to call someone else your mommy? Momo is focused on giving you pleasure but no one has focused on giving you pleasure. I just want to give that to you."
"What's your relationship with Momo?"
"If you give me your address I'll answer your questions."
"I'll text it to you Mina."
"It wasn't that hard now was it Y/N?"
She smiled at you before she left your office.
You still had many questions to ask her. What was her relationship with Momo and why was she so interested in you?
"I'll think more about it when I get home." you thought to yourself.
-
Once you arrived home you went straight to bed exhausted from the work you've been doing without even bothering to change your clothes.
Before you could fall asleep you heard a knock coming from your front door not long after you laid down on your bed.
"Who the fuck is knocking, why can't they leave me alone?"
Getting up and making your way to the front door. You opened the door and saw Ji-min (Karina) on the other side.
"Karina why are you here and not at work?"
"Today is my day off. The real question is why are you here?"
"I'm on a week break."
"Why?"
You didn't want to tell more people than you should. Karina was the type of coworker that couldn't keep her mouth shut about anything. Not long after she mistakenly thought you hit on Mina she started to talk about it with everyone which started a rumor that you had a crush on Mina.
A few of your coworkers brought it up to you and you had to explain the situation to them. Though you were unsure if the rumors ever reached Momo or Mina.
"I just want a break from work."
"I feel that. So how's it going with Mina?"
"Karina!"
"What? I just want to know if you took any of the advice I gave you."
"Are you just here to bother me?"
"No I'm not, how about you let me in your house."
You moved out of the way and let her in. Karina walked in and walked around your house.
"It's rather small no?"
"Yeah, well I don't want a big place."
"Won't you get bored if you stay here all week?"
"I'll manage."
"Y/N that's sad. How about we go to an event at the end of the week?"
"Event?"
"There's an event going on tonight down the street called "Soulmates". A select few of people will be accepted and get the chance to mingle with others who were accepted."
"I'm not interested."
"Come on if your not going to talk to Mina you might as well try to see if you can get a girlfriend."
"I'll think about it."
"Today's the last day they'll take submissions though!"
"Whatever just sign me up yourself."
"No you have to do it yourself!"
"Why?"
"Because they'll want to interview you."
A low groan came out of your mouth and you knew Karina wouldn't leave you alone unless you agreed.
"Let's go then."
"Would it kill to be able to relax?"
...
Once you arrived at the place where the "Soulmates" event would be taking place Karina led you to the registration area.
There weren't as many people as you thought there would be but then again today was the last day so most people probably already signed up beforehand.
Once it was your turn you walked into the room and sat in front of a woman who was holding a clipboard.
"Please state your full name and what sex you identify as."
"Y/N L/N and I'm a guy."
"Do you prefer Men, Women, or Non-binary?"
"Uhm ... Women I think."
"What's your current occupation."
"I work as a secretary."
"Can you state for which company?"
"Tdoong Entertainment."
"A lot of applications from people who work there it seems." The woman said as she wrote on her clipboard.
"Wait there are others who signed up from the company?"
"Can you say who else who works at Tdoong Entertainment signed up for this event?"
"Sorry sir but I can't share that."
"That's fine."
"Anyways let's continue, so what would you say you're looking for in a partner?"
"Well..."
-
Once you finished answering all her questions she let you go and you met up with Karina.
"So how did it go?"
"I don't think they'll accept me."
"Why not?"
"I feel like she wasn't impressed by my answers."
"Don't say that Y/N I'm sure you'll be accepted."
"By the way the lady mentioned that other people from the company have signed up for the event. Do you know who else signed up?"
"Well other than me I have no idea who else could have signed up."
"I guess it's not my business regardless."
"Want to hangout at your place Y/N?"
As much as you wanted to tell Karina to go home you didn't want to sound rude by denying her offer.
"Sure let's go."
You and Karina headed back towards your house and you told yourself that you didn't really care if you got accepted. After all your having sex with Momo who you find attractive after all. Sure you both aren't "Official" but who cares?
Though you might not want to admit it you really wanted someone who could understand you and support you emotionally. You didn't care about sex with Momo, if she couldn't understand you were experiencing emotional distraught until you directly told her was she really your soulmate?
Once you both arrived at your house you went to sit on the couch and Karina followed you.
"So what are we doing Y/N?"
"Can you just leave me alone?" is what you wanted to tell her.
"Let's just watch a show yeah?"
"Okay, what do you want to watch?"
"How about you pick?"
Karina grabbed the controller sitting on the table and turned on your T.V. "What genre are you feeling?"
"Anything."
She gave you a sly smirk and put on a movie.
You didn't necessarily care about what she put on. Sitting back and closing your eyes trying to finally get some rest.
Unsure of how long you had your eyes closed you were suddenly waken up by the feeling that someone was wrapping their arms around you.
"Karina what are you doing?"
"Look at the movie Y/N."
Looking up to see the movie you saw it was a couple who were talking to each other in a bedroom.
"What about it?"
"Keep watching."
You kept your eyes on the movie but had issues hearing and watching the movie because you were still a bit hazy after waking up.
As the movie went on it suddenly turned explicit as the people in it were quickly discarding their clothes and were being intimate with each other.
It made you a little hot watching such an explicit movie to begin with but now you were watching it with a coworker.
Your cock was getting a bit hard and you were getting worried Karina would notice.
"Can we skip this scene? I'm not a big fan of explicit movies." You asked but Karina didn't answer your question.
Out of the blue you felt hands on your thigh. You looked down and saw that they were Karina's and they were inching closer to your cock.
You were getting nervous and tried to take her hands off of you but you weren't able to pry them off.
Karina's hands were now directly touching your clothed cock and your face was burning red. For the first time since her hands were on your thighs you turned to Karina.
"Y/N you know you can ask me for anything right?"
Unable to control your urges you latched your lips onto hers.
A heated exchange between both of you started and both of your tongues started exploring the others mouth living in the moment.
Your hands reached up for Karina's breasts and you gave them a firm squeeze which elicited a moan from her.
She wasn't about to forget about her own desires and started to rub your clothed cock which made you let out a low groan.
Now your heated exchange was getting sloppy with saliva pouring out of both of your mouths. You pulled away and now rubbed your tongue with Karina's as you changed your hand to the other breast and started to rub them.
You really wanted to tear off her clothes and feel her naked body. Karina however was already ahead of you. She started to pull up her shirt making it half way before you helped her take off the rest, throwing it, and leaving her in her black bra.
Reaching around her body you unclasped her bra letting them fall to the floor. Not wasting your chance you shoved your face in between Karina's breast and used one of your hands to squeeze her ass and the other you used to rub her clothed pussy.
"Ugh ~ Ah" Karina moaned. Her voice echoed throughout your house. Your tongue started to run all over Karina's massive breast and you were determined to make them sopping wet.
Karina moved her hands down your body and slid your pants off your body. She grabbed a hold of your hardened cock through your underwear and started to quickly pump it.
Your face was shoved so deep into Karina's breast that you were basically suffocating but in all honesty you wouldn't mind your final moments being spent in her breasts.
Karina however wasn't about to let that happen and pulled you away. You took a big gasp of air as you were finally able to properly breath for the first time since you shoved yourself in her breasts.
"Why did you pull me away?"
"There is still so much more pleasure to have."
Karina removed your underwear and her remaining clothing then proceeded to sit on your cock. "Ah your cock is stretching me out so damn good Y/N."
She started to ride you moving herself up and down. It drove you crazy how good her pussy felt.
"I bet Momo never fucked you this good!"
She could. But you didn't want to tell Karina that Momo fucked you better due to the fear that she might stop.
"Y-yeah ... totally."
Both of you were now sweating and you took the chance to lick her nipples which were being covered in her sweat. But did you even care?
"Your breasts are so soft and addicting."
"And you can play with them anytime Y/N. Just give me a call and I'll come right over."
Your cock was twitching and Karina took notice. She sped up her movements and you started to suck on her breasts harder.
Wrapping your hands around her body to pull her closer. The intense moment carried on for a few more seconds until both of you ended up cumming on each other.
Both of you were now sweaty and filthy. Your stress from your job seemingly faded as you released your cum into Karina's pussy.
The key word being seemingly. Truth be told sex was only a temporary fix. Eventually it would all come back again eventually and the stress would be stronger.
Though you weren't thinking of that at the moment. Your only concern was the woman who was sitting on you.
Karina stood up and reached out her hand to you.
"We're not done."
Even though you were exhausted you did want to have another round with her.
You grabbed her hand and she pulled you up. Both of you were having issues keeping balance while standing so you were both leaning on each other for support.
She led you to a wall and bent over for you. "Go ahead and fuck my ass Y/N."
Shoving your hardened cock into Karina you messed up her insides. Thrusting in and out at a rapid pace you were fondling with her breasts as you messed up her insides.
"Why do I listen to you so much?"
"Y/N is now really the time to ask these questions?"
You gave her breasts a rough squeeze.
"I just don't know if going to the soulmates event is a good idea."
"You're never going to get the chance to go if you don't cum in me."
Forcing yourself as deep as possible into her ass you came inside of her. Your cum was spilling out of her making a small puddle on the floor.
You pulled out and made your way back to the couch to fall asleep.
-
There was a loud banging on your door that woke you up. You checked the time and saw it was 2:30 AM. Who could be at your door at this hour.
Making your way to your door you opened the door and saw Mina on the other side.
"Why are you here?"
Mina's face went a little red.
"Why do you sleep naked?"
"What are you-"
You looked down and noticed that you didn't have clothes on. Suddenly you remembered that you had sex with Karina.
Quickly closing the door you rushed to your room and quickly put some clothes on. "Karina must have left after I fell asleep."
Going back downstairs to open the door for Mina and let her in your house.
"So do you sleep naked or were you having a one night stand?"
"Neither."
You led her to your kitchen and both of you took a seat.
"You don't have to lie to me."
"I don't owe you anything."
"Whatever, I'm here to answer your questions that you've had for me. After all that was apart of the deal for you giving me your address."
"Oh yeah."
"So what do you want answers to."
"How did you know Momo was going to have sex with me?"
"Are you talking about the first time you came to talk to me in my office?"
"Yes."
"I have history with her."
"What history?"
"Well ..." She took a deep sigh.
"I didn't think I'd ever tell anyone this but I guess I have to now."
You were still sleepy after getting woken up at night but you forced yourself to stay awake. You had to know more about Mina.
"Look before you were hired I had your position. I dealt with the same shit you have to right now and just like you I got tired of the job. I was going to quit and similar to you she begged me to stay ruining her health all for the sake of the company."
She suddenly stopped talking. Taking a moment to collect her thoughts. "Do you mind if I grab a glass of water?"
"Go ahead."
Mina got up and got herself a glass of water. Taking a sip before she continued.
"I was worried about her just like you."
"So does she do this with everyone?"
"I don't know but I don't think so."
"What happened next?"
"Well I did the same thing you did. And she also had sex with me just like you. She promised to do it with me whenever as long as I stayed. But then you were hired."
Mina gripped the glass cup. Taking another sip before continuing.
"Since you had more qualifications than me I got demoted and the deal I had with Momo was off and her focus was all on you."
"Is that why you didn't care about her?"
"Yes that's exactly why. Truth be told I only offered having sex with you for my own benefit."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I figured that if you preferred having me over Momo then I could convince you to quit and I would be able to be her secretary again. That way I could have Momo to myself."
"Wait were you just going to leave me after you did all this."
"You want the truth?"
"Yes."
"Yes I would have left you if my plan succeeded."
"I appreciate the honesty but damn."
"Well I originally came her to have sex with you but I'm sure you don't to after hearing it is only for my benefit."
"We could do it for fun."
"Yeah right Y/N. No offense but I don't like men."
"I understand. You're free to sleep here though I'm sure your tired."
"No I'm good."
"Suit yourself."
"I'll see you next week Y/N."
"See you."
Mina left your house leaving you alone once again.
"Guess I can scratch her off my potential "Soulmate" list."
The next day came and you weren't sure what to do. You settled on laying on your bed watching a movie when you suddenly received a message on your phone.
"Congrats Y/N you've been accepted to attend the "Soulmates" event happening at the end of the week! For further details please click on the link attached to this message"
You looked at the message and finally made your decision.
"I'm going to the Soulmates event."
-
The week flew by and you were waiting for the day the soulmates event would start.
On the day before the event was going to start you heard a knocking on your door. You went to open the door and to your surprise you saw Momo.
"Momo? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?"
"I'm having someone else cover it. Besides I think we need to talk anyway."
"Talk about what?"
"You see I've been thinking and ... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
"What could you possibly be sorry about?"
"I should have realized you were struggling much sooner. And since I didn't I feel like I've been neglecting you in that way."
Your eyes softened. You never blamed anything on Momo after all you were the person who made the decision to stay.
"Don't say that Momo none of what I've been going through was your fault."
"But it is my fault."
You pulled Momo into a hug and held her tightly into your arms.
"Don't say that Momo. You have done nothing wrong but I wouldn't mind if you paid a little more attention to me."
She hugged you back and smiled.
"I can do that for you."
"Thank you."
"Hey Y/N I know that the company is going to be closed tomorrow but I won't be able to be with you tomorrow."
"That's fine I'll be busy myself tomorrow also."
"Really what for?"
"Personal things."
"Okay well take care alright."
"I will."
"See you back to work Y/N! And hopefully with a better mental state."
-
Today was the day the soulmates event was scheduled to happen. You got yourself ready beforehand and were now making your way to the event.
Once you found a parking space you started getting a little anxious. "What if I'm not satisfied with my soulmate? Or what if I don't even get one?" You thought to yourself but you tried to reassure yourself that everything will be fine.
You got out of your car and made your way inside. Once you stepped in you were directed to a room where other participants were.
"The event will start in just a few minutes sir. Feel free to chat with the others though."
Once you were in the room the quickly recognized a few of the people who showed up.
"Momo, Mina, Han, and Karina are all here?"
You didn't recognize the others.
You sat down at a chair next to someone you didn't know.
"Hey my name is Choi Ji-su but you can just call me Lia. What's your name?"
"Names Y/N nice to meet you Lia."
"Based off looks who do you have your eyes on?"
A bit out of the blue question and you weren't sure how to answer.
"Well ... no one really. I think everyone looks equally beautiful."
"That's such a boring answer you know."
"Well who do you have your eyes on?"
She pointed at a girl who was sitting at the far left.
"Her."
You looked at the girl Lia pointed to and you have to admit she was attractive.
"Hello everyone I'd like to welcome you all to today's soulmate event. Everyone here was selected by us. We wanted people who were different to have a chance to mingle with each other. Hopefully you all find a soulmate."
As the woman scanned the room she suddenly had a look on her face. "It seems someone didn't show up. I'm afraid to say that one of you will be walking away without a soulmate."
Everyone started to make their own count and realized she was right. A feeling of worry overcame everyone, after all no one wanted to be the person who left without a soulmate.
"Well regardless we'll move on. So first we'll let everyone have a chance to introduce themselves and then we can move on."
She left the room and everyone looked around to see if anyone would take the lead.
"Well I guess I'll start and we can just go left. Hello my name is Myoui Mina."
"My name is Kaito Yuki."
"Hirai Momo."
"Han Ji-sung."
"Yu Ji-min but I go by Karina."
"Kim Nam-joon but you can call me RM."
"Y/N L/N."
"Choi Ji-su but you can also call me Lia."
"Hwang Yeji."
The women walked back into the room and handed everyone a piece of paper and a pencil.
"Alright everyone I've given you a piece of paper and a pencil. Based on first impressions write down someones name. The person who has the most votes will get to choose 2 people to have lunch with on the top floor. Everyone else will eat here in the dining room. Feel free to write your own name. Give me your paper once you write down a name."
Nobody wrote down a name right away. It seems like everyone is putting some thought into their choice.
Yeji was the first to write a name down and give it to the lady. Afterwards more people started writing names and turning them in. Only a few people still hadn't written a name and you were one of them.
You were struggling to pick someone. There was no way you could find your soulmate based on luck.
"If I had to pick based off my limited interactions then I would have to pick..."
-
"The winner of the popular vote is Mrs. Myoui Mina. Mina once you pick the two people you want to take to lunch with then our staff can escort you to your room."
After Mina quickly scanned the room it wasn't long for her to pick.
"Momo and Y/N."
All three of you were led upstairs and into a room. "Feel free to have a moment to look over our menu. I'll be back in a bit to take your orders."
You and Momo sat next to each other while Mina sat across both of you. The room was silent, everyone was waiting to see who would be the one to speak up first. The silence was deafening.
Momo eventually cleared her throat.
"So Mina why'd you pick us?"
"I feel that I need to ... 'discuss' a few things with you."
"Uh-uhm."
"What are you talking about?"
You stayed silent.
Mina let out a sigh "Momo ... I love you so much. I don't want you to be with Y/N anymore."
Momo's cheeks turned red.
"I - I didn't know you felt that way Mina."
"You're so pretty Momo will you be mine?"
"What's pretty about me?"
"Your soft well kept hair, pretty face, and those massive set of-"
"Screw it Mina I can't wait any longer: kiss me."
Mina got up from her seat and rushed over to Momo. Her tongue slid into Momo's mouth. She put her hands inside of Momo's shirt, sliding her hands up and feeling Momo's abs.
"You're so strong Mo."
Momo smiled at Mina's compliment. She wrapped her hands around Mina's head and pulled her as close as she could.
Unsure of what you should be doing you kept watching the scene unfold in front of you. Part of you felt weird for watching them be intimate with each other but the other part of you couldn't muster up the will to look away. But you couldn't help but notice the difference in the way Momo had sex with you and how she's having it with Mina.
Mina raised her hands up Momo's body. Momo moaned into her mouth as she did so.
Before Mina could finish her foreplay a knock came on the door.
Quickly Mina got off Momo and rushed back to her seat.
"Have you three decided on your order?"
-
Mina and Momo were chatting with each other while you just kept your thoughts to yourself. Momo noticed and decided to rope you into their conversation.
"You want to join us next time Y/N?"
Looking up you saw Mina made a face of disgust at Momo.
"Why are you asking Y/N if he wants to join without asking me first? I don't want to have a threesome with a fucking guy."
"Mina it's rude to invite Y/N and not include him."
"I only invited him here because he was the only other person I knew. I'm not about to have some stranger watch us have sex Momo."
"But Mina-"
"What are you telling me you actually like men?"
"Well no but I kinda made a deal with him."
"Psh fine."
Momo leaned towards you and whispered into your ear. "Between you and me you're not that bad."
Not that bad?
"Th-thanks I guess."
"By the way Y/N if your filthy cock even lightly brushes me I will rip it off your body with my bare hands."
"R-right I understand."
"Damn Mina that's more harsh than I ever went with you or Y/N."
-
Before the next round of voting everyone had to make a gift and give it to someone. The three options were making a ring, mug cup making, and making a perfume.
Making a mug sounded bland but you weren't confident in being able enough to make a ring so you settled on making a perfume.
You sat alone for a long time and were a bit worried you were the only one to pick it until you heard footsteps coming into the room.
"It was Y/N right?"
"Kaito why are you here?"
"Couldn't leave you alone here."
"Well thanks for keeping me company."
"No problem."
You didn't want to sit in silence for the whole time so you decided to make some small talk.
"So where are you from?"
"I'm from Fujioka. I'm a student there actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah ... so where are you from?"
"I'm from ..."
"I've never been there but I'm sure it's nice."
"So who are you interested in?"
"Probably Karina, she was really caring and nice at the lunch we had. What about you, who are you interested in?"
"That's a hard question."
"Why's that? Momo and Mina had lunch with you did neither of them peak your interest?"
"More like they peaked each other's interest."
"Lesbians?"
"Yeah."
"That's good for them. But I guess you're a bit disappointed huh?"
"Its not that I'm just worried that I won't find someone."
"I understand how you are feeling. But maybe the person who your supposed to end up with is someone you haven't met or someone who you're least expecting."
"I don't know Kaito. I mean I was kind of in a relationship but I didn't feel happy afterwards. Only certain moments brought me joy."
"Well maybe you should look for different people. Those who can give you those feelings of happiness as much as possible."
"Thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep it in mind."
You couldn't say someone has necessarily brought you true "happiness". But then again...
-
When it was time to give someone your gift you thought back to Kaito's words.
Who has brought you the most happiness? Is that even measurable? But when you looked at their eyes. You felt relief almost a calming feeling. You walked up to them and handed them the perfume you made.
"Is this for me?"
"For you."
"Th - thank you Y/N I don't know what to say. I wasn't expecting this from you."
You simply smiled when you looked at their face.
"No problem. Besides I don't think I've felt better than when I was able to be around you."
-
Before getting to have everyone pick a soulmate everyone got a chance to talk to someone they wanted to.
Everyone picked the person they had their eyes on and it slowly reached your turn.
"Y/N Momo has requested to speak to you."
"Coming!"
You were led to the room and were left alone with Momo.
"Why'd you request to speak to me?"
"Y/N I know we talked yesterday but I just wanted you to know that I'll try harder for you."
"What are you saying?"
"I - I know you probably don't want me as your soulmate. But I just want you to know that I know I can't pick up on minor details but if you ever wanted to be in a relationship with me then I'd try harder to understand your emotions."
"Momo ... what about Mina?"
"I love her. But I was hoping you'd be okay if I switched between you and her."
-
You were second to last and you took your chance to talk to Lia a bit more. You weren't expecting your name to be called but to your surprise.
"Y/N someone has requested to speak with you."
"Who could possibly request to speak with me?" you thought to yourself. Momo is the only person who you had a romantic connection with so you weren't sure who would call your name.
"H - Han?!"
"Y/N its been a while huh?"
"Why'd you call me up here?"
"Well I just thought I'd get your advice on something."
"Go on."
"Well I was speaking to Karina but I also have been getting close with Yeji. I just don't know who to go for."
You chuckled
"Why are you laughing?"
"I just never thought I'd see you so worried about a relationship."
"Come on I can be fun to!"
"When you first asked to hangout with me I thought you would take me to a brothel."
"Y/N you wound me. You think I'd go to a brothel?!"
"You wouldn't?"
"Unless your taking me I don't think I would. Would you go to one?"
"Who knows maybe I'd go if you were there."
Han's face went a bit red.
"Oh how romantic, I see why Momo likes you Y/N."
"Come on you have to admit that it wasn't that bad of a line!"
-
The way people would pick there soulmate was the following:
One contestant would stand in front of the room looking away from everyone else.
The people who want to be with that person would stand behind them.
The person at the front would then turna round and pick who they want to be their soulmate.
Since only 9 people were there it seemed like one person would go home alone.
It was Mina's turn and only you and Momo were left.
"Let's go Y/N." Momo reached out her hand to you.
Begrudgingly you took her hand and both of you stepped up.
When Mina turned around she was a bit disconsolate to find out Momo was holding hands with you. She knew that if she wanted Momo you would have to also be there.
"Is it fine if I pick these two?"
The staff was rather surprised. No one has ever asked to take two people at the same time.
"Well ... I don't see why not."
Both you and Momo rushed up to Mina and hugged her.
"Ugh you idiot get off me."
Momo let go and backed away.
"No not you the other idiot!"
You couldn't help but laugh.
-
All three of you went to Momo's house after the "Soulmates" event ended.
"I don't get why you want Y/N to be a part of this Momo."
"I owe it to him."
"Just don't come near me Y/N."
Momo and Mina started undressing.
They both wanted to have sex but Momo didn't want to leave you behind.
You started to take your clothes off and Mina looked away.
"At least do it out of my eye sight!"
Once you all got undressed Momo jumped onto Mina.
"Mina you have such a pretty face. Will you let me ruin you?"
"Do whatever you want."
Momo started to give her hickeys. Roughly pressing her lips onto Mina and sucking to mark her. Mina rubbed her fingers on Momo's abs. They weren't as defined as hers but she loved them regardless.
"Your body is so precious Momo I'm so glad I can have you."
Not wanting to be left out you made your way onto the bed, being careful to not accidentally touch Mina and grabbed onto Momo's breasts while having your cock pressed against her back.
"Uh I love your hands Y/N!"
"Your breasts are so big Momo I want you so badly."
Momo had a rather big ego now that both you and Mina were fighting to give her pleasure.
Mina kicked you off the bed and wrapped her legs around Momo's waist. "Don't pay attention to him. Focus only on me."
She pulled Momo in closer and their breasts were pushed up against each other. "Mina I love you." Momo said as she reached for Mina's ass.
You got back on the bed and penatrated Momo's ass with your cock which made her yelp.
"Agh!"
"Momo are you okay?"
"I'm fine Mina."
Momo went down to Mina's breasts and started licking her nipple. "Your body tastes sweet."
"It's only for you to use Momo. Please use my body however you want."
Mina pressed her fingers on Momo's clit lightly and got Momo to moan. She felt the vibration on her nipples.
You sped up your thrusts into Momo's ass and Momo put her fingers into Mina.
"Please Momo go faster I want to cum on your pretty fingers."
Momo smiled and ran her fingers down Mina's sides. "Mina I want to enjoy your body as long as I can."
Mina was breathing rapidly.
Momo switched her attention to Mina's other nipples and started to squeeze the other.
She inserted 4 fingers into Mina and she took in a big breath of air.
"Ah! Momo keep going!"
She started to thrust in Mina at a steady pace and Mina started seeing stars.
Pulling your cock out of Momo you went next to her and pulled her head up.
"What do you-"
She wasn't able to finish speaking before you pressed your lips onto hers.
"Your lips are so soft."
You rubbed your tongue around her lips and Momo put her hand into Mina's mouth making her gag.
Mina's gagging faded into the background as your kissing intensified.
You stood on the bed aligning your cock to Momo's face. Momo took your cock in her warm mouth and ran her tongue around your hard cock.
She was sloppy with it making your cock wet and slippery making it easier to slide in and out of her mouth. You grabbed Momo's head and shoved her into your cock.
Tears ran down Momo's eyes and she was choking on your cock.
Mina wasn't happy with you stealing Momo's attention. She shoved four fingers into Momo.
She was getting overstimulated. Momo got your cock out of her mouth to get a breath of air. She choked up a lot of spit and it fell onto the bed sheets.
"Put your filthy cock back in your pants Y/N. This doesn't involve you."
Mina grabbed Momo and dragged her on top of her body wrapping her arms around her. She switched their positions so she was on top of Momo.
Putting one hand on Momo's breast and using her other hand to shove her fingers in Momo's tight pussy. Thrusting rapidly so she reaches her high faster.
"Mina your so-"
"Perfect? I know Momo don't worry you'll start seeing stars soon."
She sucked on her nipples twirling her tongue on her boob. Momo loved how Mina used her body.
"Momo your so perfect."
She came on her fingers and Mina licked her fingers. "Mhm you taste amazing Momo. I only want to eat this every day."
Momo was glad with the worship she was receiving and started to repay her. Momo put her pussy on top of Mina and shoved her fingers in her again.
Mina licked her pussy shoving her tongue deep into her. Momo couldn't handle it and gave up on thrusting in Mina and started to lick her pussy also.
This scene in front of you was making you horney to the point you started to pump your own cock to make yourself cum.
Momo came all over Mina's face. Mina squished Momo's butt while licking all of Momo's cum that she could reach with her tongue.
Not too long after Mina came all over Momo and she passed out afterwards.
"Momo that was amazing."
"I know Y/N. Want help with that?"
You nodded your head and Momo once again started sucking your cock. She used her hand to fondle your balls.
"Do you really think a three way relationship can work?"
"Of course Y/N I'm your soulmate just as much as I am Mina's."
Pulling out your cock, semen covered Momo's face.
You collapsed into her and she wrapped you around her arms collapsing onto the bed.
"I'll take care of you from now on Y/N."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can you find out who Y/N gave his gift to?
Starring: You Mina, Momo (Twice) Karina (Aespa) Han (Stray Kids) Yeji, Lia (Itzy) Kaito (Jujutsu Kaisen Phantom Parade) RM (BTS)
I apologize if towards the end the pacing felt more rushed. I got tired of working on this and just wanted to move on.
I didn't even proof read this because I'm just so sick of this.
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godmadeaterribleerror · 1 day ago
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Every Day That You Want
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Read on A03!
Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, tooth-rotting fluff, pregnancy, pre-established relationship, marriage proposal
Summary/Warnings: You have big news for Dean. News you have to tell him, wether he likes it or not. You really hope he likes it, though.
Author's Note: Kind of a prequel to another fic of mine (Still You Want Me), but can be read alone. I just love putting big scary men in normal situations.
Word Count: 2.9k
You can do this. You’ve been to hell and back, you’ve killed angels, you’ve survived at least three apocalypses, and you’ve helped raise the Anti-Christ. This should, comparatively, be easy. 
It’s not. It’s the most daunting and terrifying thing you’ve ever done. It’s just words, but you’re going to choke on them because they could ruin your life. You’ve rehearsed in front of the mirror until your voice didn’t sound like yours anymore and nothing you said seemed real. It had been like repeating the same one word over and over again, until it’s nothing but an odd sound. Until it meant nothing.
But this has to mean something. You have to be able to say this to Dean, and you have to try and not get lost in the possibilities of how he’ll respond. He won’t leave you—Dean would never leave you—but he might tell you he doesn’t want this, and then you’ll have to make a choice. You don’t want to make a choice. You don’t want to hear Dean tell you that, with the lives you lead, this wouldn’t be a good idea. That it doesn’t matter what either of you want, because this isn’t something you get to have.
You want to have this, though. You want to have Dean and the baby. You want to have him as you’ve always had him before—strong and tired, always fighting because it’s all he knows how to do, but resting his head on your chest in the dark and humming against your lips when he kisses you—but you also want to have him in this new way. Where he’d smile for more reasons than just you and Sam and Cas. Where he’d get to direct some of that undying loyalty to someone who’d never be ungrateful, who’d would see him as a hero in a way he might finally believe. 
He’d be so good at it. Dean would spoil the kid, and teach them everything he knew, and care for them more than he’d ever care for himself. It breaks your heart sometimes, how he doesn’t kill himself for Sam, and he doesn’t drink himself to death for Cas, and he tries to get better for you, but he still doesn’t really know how to look in the mirror and not see a shadow.
And this would be the piece of him that’s never been tainted. The piece of him that crawls over you in bed just to hold you, that still watches cartoons and gets excited when he sees a cool car or hears an awesome drumline. The part of him that still cares, against all odds, and cares so much you’ve been worried it would kill him. The part of him that’s so simply made of light and love, crushed under years of his soul being bruised and beaten.
A part of him that won’t break. A part of him you love just as much as the rest of his wreckage, but that you still try to tend to, because you’ll love him the same if it vanishes, but you don’t think he deserves that. Dean deserves to only have that piece of him expand, to have it absorb all the love you throw at him, to grow until he can see it too. Until he can believe it’s there.
You know that it’s all so fucking hard. That Dean will never be all light, but you wouldn’t ever expect him to be. You know that a baby won’t fix him, not by far, but you also know it will show him he can create something. That he doesn’t poison everything he touches. 
That he made something entirely good, with you.
And if he tells you he doesn’t want this, you’ll live with that. You’ve lived with worse.
But you don’t even want to try to live with it. You’ll probably have to, but you’d like to pretend you won’t. 
The most you’re daring to pray for is that he doesn’t freak out. But angels don’t really take your calls anymore. 
So you’ll just have to hope.
You’ve set this up perfectly. There’s a pie in the oven that you will not let burn. There’s bacon and pancakes on a plate waiting for him when he finally gets his ass up. You have the whole bunker to yourself, because Sam’s off to see Eileen.
You’re not allowed to tell Dean that—Sam says he gets annoying—but you will in order to get him in a better mood. Sam’s fatal mistake was believing that you wouldn’t do anything to make Dean happy. So this is really on Sam. He’s the one that introduced you to Dean in the first place. Just because you were his friend first doesn’t mean he didn’t lose your automatic allegiance the moment he said this is my brother and his brother was the hottest man you’d ever seen. 
Sam should’ve known better. His big head should’ve understood that letting you anywhere near Dean—let enough so close that you’d be allowed to fall in love with him—would have always resulted in you using his secrets against him to make Dean happy, so you could slip in the fact that you were pregnant with Dean’s baby as easily as possible. 
Like any sane person would.
Although you have been up for hours, after only sleeping two. And you might be losing your mind. But anyone would lose their mind in a situation like this. Waiting for their dumb boyfriend to wake up so they can change his life forever. 
But Dean’s still asleep. You’re starting to get worried. He usually sleeps in late, especially after hunts, but not this late. Not past noon, long enough for you to stress eat half of his pie, then make a whole second one. Not long enough for the coffee to go cold three times.
You’re about to go check on him when he appears in the kitchen door. Bleary eyes and mussed hair, his glazed eyes focusing slightly when they land on you.
He starts to shuffle towards you, and you forget everything you’d rehearsed. He looks sleepy and adorable, and you’ve seen him like this before but you’d like to see it a million times more. You’d like Dean to always drop his head on your shoulder and wrap his arms around your torso, to always slump over you with a low hum. To always kiss the crook of your neck and let out a long breath when your hands snake around his neck and your fingers tangle in his soft hair.
You could have him like this forever. 
You just have to tell him. 
“Dean-“
“Why’re you up.” He speaks against your skin, his voice slurring slightly, tugging you a little closer. “’S early.”
“It’s 3pm, baby.” You draw back to smile at him, and he just blinks at you. “You’ve been knocked out for fourteen hours.”
He shakes his head, pouting slightly as he takes your hand in his. “Nah. Doesn’t feel it. C’mon.”
Dean starts to walk away, taking you with him, and you’re snapped out of the daze.
“Wait,” You pull on his grip, and he turns with a frown. “Where are you going?”
“We’re goin’ back to bed.”
You give him an amused look, your affection briefly overpowering your panic. “We?”
He nods, tugging your hand in his until you’re pressed right against his chest. “Only up ‘cause you weren’t there. Need to get my girl back to bed, you need sleep too-“
You do need sleep, but until you tell Dean, you might as well be injecting caffeine right into your bloodstream.
“But I made you bacon-“
“Course you did.” He grins, pressing a light kiss to your nose. “You’re awesome, baby.” 
You feel your stomach flutter, and at this stage it has to only be nerves, but that doesn’t make anything easier. “Can we please eat?”
Dean hums, scanning carefully over your face. “You eat already?”
“I had some applesauce-“
“Then we’re good.” He starts to move again, and now you’re attached to him like a magnet. You couldn’t move away if you tried. “Bed.”
You’re frayed and wired and on edge, trying so hard to find the will to insist he stay and eat, but Dean’s so warm and suddenly you’re drunk on him. He’s sturdy and soft in all the right places, herding you back to bed with hands on your shoulders and mumbled praise about being his dream girl, making him bacon for breakfast and lovin’ him more than he deserves, and you wish you had enough backbone to just shout at him that he does deserve your love. He deserves whatever you can give him, including a baby that he needs to know about now before you explode.
But he gets you back into bed, splaying his body over yours and pinning you down.
“Didn’t see Sammy,” his head is buried in your chest, his voice muffled against your skin. “Where’dhe go?”
“Eileen’s.” You sigh, running your fingers through his hair. “I’m not supposed to tell you that, though.”
Dean chuckles, his hands drawing slow circles on your hips. “You’re a little backstabber, sweetheart. I’m never tellin’ you anything again.”
“I’m backstabbing Sam for you.” You shrug, smiling at the air. “I’d never backstab you.”
“’S exactly what a backstabber would say.”
You giggle. “You’re tired, Dean. Your brain’s not working right. Maybe if we get up-“
“Not getting up.” He grunts, squeezing your body. “Not until you get your own fourteen hours.”
“I’m okay, Dean-“
“No. Sleep.”
You sigh, squirming slightly under him. “You know, it’s bad for you to sleep in. It’ll mess up your circadian rhythm-“ 
Dean tilts his head up, frowning at you. “What’s going on with you?”
“I, um-“ You swallow, your whole body suddenly far too warm. “Huh?”
“You always make me sleep extra after hunts.” His voice is a little stronger, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Why’re you suddenly trying to get me up?”
“Nothing’s going on-“
“No.” Dean’s sitting up now, rolling onto his back and pulling you over his lap, his gaze stern. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“There’s nothing wrong either-“
He says your name, squeezing your waist as he rubs his jaw. “Please just tell me. If it’s a body we can hide it, but I need to know if it’s a monster body or person body-“
“Why the hell would it be a person body-“
“I dunno, but if it is you gotta tell me, so I can grab the salt.” He cups your cheek, offering you on his charming, downright boyish grins. “I’m not letting any ghosts haunt your hot ass, babygirl.”
“Thank you.” You mumble, dropping your brow to his. “But it’s not a body.”
“So there is something.”
“Yeah.” You whisper. “But I… I’m not-“
“Hey,” Dean leans back, holding your gaze as he tucks some hair behind your ear. “Whatever it is, I don’t care. I’m helping you.”
You swallow, squeezing your eyes shut. “You’re sure?”
“Yeah.” He shrugs, like it’s simple. Like this will really be that easy. “For you? Always.”
It takes deep breathes, and hands curled in Dean’s t-shirt—gripping him hard, making sure he won’t fly away or vanish into the air when you speak—but you do it. You run over your entire rehearsal one last time and let it all go, because Dean’s right here, in front of you, and you just need to-
“I’m pregnant.”
You say it, and he doesn’t vanish into nothing. Dean just stares at you, eyes wider than you’ve ever seen them, and whispers, “With a baby?”
“Yeah, Dean.” You offer him a small smile. “A baby.”
“My- my baby?” 
You open your mouth with a slight frown, and Dean’s hand flies to cover your mouth before you can speak.
“Wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just-“ He groans, his eyes seeming to drive right into your soul as his voice because hoarse. “You’re sure? That you’re… growing one?”
You wish you could read him better right now. You’d laugh at him saying growing one.
Instead you just nod, and it’s like something flips in Dean. He grins—wide and toothy and unrestrained—and you barely have time for the relief to hit when he’s kissing you. Long and deep and passionate, until you’re dizzy and grinding down onto him, falling over his chest and clinging to his shoulders.
“Dean,” you gasp as he dives down to kiss a line over your collarbone. “Shouldn’t we, shit-“ He starts suck on a soft spot behind your ear, and all your exhaustion is starting to catch back up with you, so everything is really just a haze. “Don’t we need to talk-“
“No,” he mutters, rutting slightly up into you and chuckling against your skin when you whine. “Just need you, baby, need to- son of a bitch!”
Dean’s yanks himself up and twists to his bedside table—his hand on your hips holding you steadily against him—scrambling around the drawers as he mutters low words you can’t hear.
“Are you okay?” You ask, your hand fisting in his shirt once more. “I mean, I know you might have doubts about-“
You’re cut off as Dean surges back up to kiss you again, this one shorter and soft, but still firm. 
“No doubts, sweetheart.” He mutters against your lips. “And I’m better than okay. I’m fucking amazing.”
“Good.” You sigh, pulling back to scan over his face. “What was that, then?”
Dean smiles at you, and it’s… nervous. He’s almost never really, truly nervous, but this smile has no edge, no carefully designed charm. It’s just Dean, purely him, smiling at you like you’re holding his heart in your body.
You kind of are.
“I know I, uh, I don’t say it enough. You know I’m not good at saying it. But I do love you,” Dean says your name, and you blink at him. This sounds like a speech. “I love you so much it drives me insane. And I’d never want this, want a baby, with anyone but you. But, I, uh, I want all of this. Whole stupid, apple pie thing, just with you.” He takes a long breath, his eyes never leaving yours. “Marry me.”
You gape at him. “What?”
“Marry- shit, wait-“ Dean reaches slightly behind him, grabbing a small box, and pops it open with his thumb. There’s a diamond ring inside, and it looks like a real one. Not the ones you’d use on cases, that would give you a rash for a week after. This looks… carefully made.
Made for you.
“Dean-“
“Marry me?” Dean looks between your slack jaw and the box, his voice almost nervous. “Please?”
“I-“ This is going better than you could’ve ever even imagined. You’re not sure how to handle it. “I don’t want you to marry me just because you knocked me up-“
“Baby, I didn’t pull this ring out of my ass.” He drawls, his voice a little firmer. “I’ve been getting ready to ask you for months. I was going to kick Sammy out next week, make a picnic in the library-“
“Really?”
“Yeah, I-“ He frowns. “Why’d you think I was poking about your ring size?”
“I don’t, um, I don’t remember you doing that.”
Dean laughs, shaking his head slightly. “That’s good. I was worried I ruined it. I, um-“ he glances down at the ring, his face falling back to the nerves, and you realize you haven’t actually answered him yet. “I haven’t-“
It’s your turn to kiss Dean, and these words aren’t difficult to say at all. “Yes,” you whisper, pressing another, smaller kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I’ll marry you.”
“Awesome.” He grins, and the ring is barely on your finger when he’s diving back into you, kissing you until you can’t ever remember anything has been difficult in your life. 
You yawn right as Dean pulls away, and he chuckles. 
“You alright, sweetheart?”
You hum, nodding. “I’m good. So good. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Dean says your name in your ear, and it’s quiet and gentle. Not like a secret, but a promise. “How’s a day in bed sound? We can try and get you pregnant again.”
“That’s not how it works, babe.” You giggle, folding a little deeper into his hold. “I’m gonna have to buy you some books.”
“I’ll read them.” Dean kisses the top of your head, and you can feel his smile on your skin. “For you.”
“Thank you.”
“Course.” He sighs, squeezing your body slightly. “We’re having a fucking baby.”
“Yeah.” You smile, and there’s that piece of him, shining on the surface. All joy and wonder for something that’s really just good. “We are.”
End Note: Dean Winchester in my head this is indeed the life you live every day. Season 15 isn't real it can't hurt me.
Title from Waste by Foster the People
If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3
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milkoomi · 2 days ago
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finding & knowing your worth. ᥫ᭡
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i wanted to take some time and talk about self-worth. this is something that was extremely difficult for me to find and realize for myself, but as i look back on my life and reflect on my growth, i’ve found myself truly knowing my own worth. of course, i still have those days that are more difficult than others, but i’ve been able to quickly pick myself back up. why? because i know my worth. i want to share a few things that have helped me realize that for myself, so i hope this post is able to enlighten you. ㅤ♡
let’s begin …
୨ৎ — lose interest in outsider opinions
in simpler terms: stop caring. i kept asking myself, “why do i care so much about what others are thinking of me?” and then i came across a couple quotes where one said, “if you wouldn’t trust their advice, why would you take their criticism?” and the other said, “i would never want to trade lives with someone who hates me.” those two quotes really stuck with me because it reminded me that those people who didn’t have a good opinion of me were the same people i needed to stop caring about.
so what if someone didn’t like me? that person is either no longer a part of my life (for good reason) or they don’t know me in the ways that my loved ones or my own self do, so why should what they have to say or think about me matter?
i knew myself better than anyone, so whatever anyone had to say about me shouldn’t have bothered me, and i let it stop bothering me. i also realized that as my day goes on and i find myself not thinking about what someone said, i tell myself that it wasn’t even worth a single thought in the first place because, clearly, it doesn’t bother me anymore!
if it won’t matter to you in 5 years, don’t continue to give it any more of a meaning.
୨ৎ — stop seeking validation
to piggyback off of my previous point, seeking outside validation is 1. not worth your time and 2. pointless. other people should never be the ones who define your worth. you have to seek validation from yourself. nobody else has a right to tell you whether or not you’re worthy.
i was always looking for validation from others, and it made my own journey to finding myself even more difficult. there were so many different opinions about me that i kept hearing, and it made me feel lost. it felt like i was getting further and further from truly discovering myself and feeling like i was worth something.
i had to pretty much force myself to seek validation within myself rather than from anyone else. it was hard, but the longer i kept searching for some kind of worth to others the more miserable and empty i felt.
୨ৎ — self reflection
time to bring out that journal, babe. we’re going to write about ourselves.
no, seriously, take some time to reflect on yourself. look within yourself and understand yourself a bit more. getting to know yourself and taking the time to focus on yourself can help you figure some things out and even bring you one step closer to truly knowing your worth.
prompts for reflection:
what are 3 characteristics about your personality do you like about yourself? why?
what are your strengths? how do those things about you make you a better person?
what’s your favorite thing(s) about you? how would they compare to what a loved one would say about you?
what are the things that weigh you down? what can you do to lift that weight off your shoulders?
how have you changed within the last 3 years? what about you has changed that you’re really proud of?
self reflection has helped me grow so much. i’ve learned so many new things about myself and it’s helped appreciate myself way more. you’ll be surprised at all the things you find about yourself, and guess what? one of those things will be your own worth.
୨ৎ — surround yourself with positivity
the people who you surround yourself with will play a huge role in how you feel about yourself. i spent too many years surrounded by people who made me feel like i was never enough, and i continued to keep the same kind of people around. i was sick of it. i was tired of being mistreated and feeling betrayed. those people made me feel miserable and they only ever brought me down rather than lifted me up.
even the media i consumed didn’t help me. i was always so focused on comparing myself to those instagram models and tiktok girls who looked nothing like me, and it made me feel worse about myself. even watching videos or shows that brought me down made my esteem drop too.
it’s important to surround yourself with people and media that make you feel good, that lift you up, and that help you feel confident because that kind of good treatment is what you deserve! you shouldn’t have to submit yourself to negativity, it only makes you feel worse and it’ll continue to get worse the longer you keep those things and people around.
now that i have people in my life that make me feel genuinely loved and cared for, i feel like i can offer that same energy those people give me to myself! it really makes a huge difference who your close circle consists of, so make sure those people are people who are genuinely and unconditionally there for you.
୨ৎ — final notes
if you do need a reminder: you are worthy, and you always have been! finding and knowing your own worth is no easy feat, but the journey you’ll go on to discover it and implement it into your life will be so extremely worth it. i promise!
you will always be more than enough, and i hope you can continue to remind yourself of that. treat yourself with genuine love and kindness, and don’t ever take yourself for granted. you have achieved so much and you have so many things to offer in life. you may not see it now, but once you do, you’ll see just how beautiful and bright your own light is.
with lots of love, faustina 🌷
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moontyger · 18 hours ago
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I've been meaning to reply to this for awhile and it's largely because I feel like functionally, the person above who said formality in English is dying is right. I have seen people claim that, for example, using honorifics when translating Japanese is bad translation and you can demonstrate the same thing in English. And I have never agreed. "Formal Japanese is like speaking to your boss" is something that I've heard a lot, but I don't really feel there's a huge difference in language in (US American) English. All right, so you don't say "fuck" or "shit" or that something "sucks." But how do you tell the difference between that and someone who simply doesn't use curse words? You can't. (And except for the times when I worked for medical doctors, I've always called my bosses by their first name and it would have stood out as unusual if I didn't.)
Like those 5 examples of formality levels above? So A is something you'll only see in written English. It's the language of things like wedding invitations, which have retained formal customs that are no longer used in other areas. If someone is actually speaking like that, I'm at a Ren Faire; this is not everyday language. No one speaks to their boss like this and if you did, it would stand out as very odd - so much so that you might even be spoken to about it because it would be assumed it was a deliberate affectation and possibly even mocking. (But if you're trying to represent the speech of a character who speaks archaic Japanese, it would work for that, but obviously that is not the same as merely formal.)
B is something you might hear, but it is still a little unusually stiff. It sounds like the person is uncomfortable more than they're being formal, like they're asking someone out on a first date. (Though I guess 'formal' is maybe meant to be 'I am terrified to speak to this person'? But I never got the impression that that's quite right.) People would notice if someone were speaking like this and probably flag it as a sign of nervousness, maybe social awkwardness if they did it all the time.
And E is just... do real people speak like this? (Also it's complicated, because if they do, I also feel like this language is not just informal, it's gendered male and coded as young, so maybe it's just a bad example because it's folded so many things into it beyond formality.)
As an aside: this is part of why I think kids are often still expected to use titles when adults aren't. Socially, the US is more hierarchical with children and expects formalities from them that are not expected of adults.
This leaves C and D as the quotidian examples. D is less formal, granted, but would I say it to my boss? Sure. (OK, I actually wouldn't, but that's because I've never called a meal "a bite" in my life. But "wanna grab lunch" seems fine. It doesn't strike me as inappropriate.) So I guess I feel like yes, technically all these levels of formality exist, but most of them are not actually used any longer, so if you're using them for translating contemporary people speaking, results may be very "real people don't talk like this."
Now maybe part of this is that I live in a very informal area of the country. Maybe in other regions they really are using B to speak to their boss. But it definitely isn't a universal thing such that I would feel it was something that could be said of "modern English" in general. (Also all the examples above as well as my perspective are very white, which is of course also a complication with modern spoken American English: there are real racial distinctions. So to some extent it is a hard language to generalize.)
Edit to Add: I also want to note here that this really has changed pretty quickly. People in the 1950s and 60s were much more formal than they are now and even somewhat more formal in the 1980s. You could definitely extrapolate something about politics and some people wanting more hierarchy (and freaking out about the lack of it) from a panic about the loss of formality in spoken language.
I'm so fascinated by languages with different levels of formality built in because it immediately introduces such complex social dynamics. The social distance between people is palpable when it's built right into the language, in a way it's not really palpable in English.
So for example. I speak Spanish, and i was taught to address everyone formally unless specifically invited otherwise. People explained to me that "usted" was formal, for use with strangers, bosses, and other people you respect or are distant from, while "tú" is used most often between family and good friends.
That's pretty straightforward, but it gets interesting when you see people using "tú" as a form of address for flirting with strangers, or for picking a fight or intimidating someone. In other languages I've sometimes heard people switch to formal address with partners, friends or family to show when they are upset. That's just so interesting! You're indicating social and emotional space and hierarchy just in the words you choose to address the other person as "you"!!
Not to mention the "what form of address should I use for you...?" conversation which, idk how other people feel about it, but to me it always felt awkward as heck, like a DTR but with someone you're only just becoming comfortable with. "You can use tú with me" always felt... Weirdly intimate? Like, i am comfortable around you, i consider you a friend. Like what a vulnerable thing to say to a person. (That's probably also just a function of how i was strictly told to use formal address when i was learning. Maybe others don't feel so weird about it?)
And if you aren't going to have a conversation about it and you're just going to switch, how do you know when? If you switch too soon it might feel overly familiar and pushy but if you don't switch soon enough you might seem cold??? It's so interesting.
Anyway. As an English-speaking American (even if i can speak a bit of Spanish), i feel like i just don't have a sense for social distance and hierarchy, really, simply because there isn't really language for it in my mother tongue. The fact that others can be keenly aware of that all the time just because they have words to describe it blows my mind!
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transformers-spike · 2 days ago
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(Not a request)
I’ve been like honestly thinking, what would certain bots call their little human partners? Like I could imagine TFA megs being “my darling” but like at the same time I don’t. Just a random ramble I hope you could help me out here bc it’s been on my mind for a while🥲
I've been discussing this question with @drunkeninlovesailor this morning and we've brainstormed a bunch - so keep in mind we've also come up with a bit of extra worldbuilding (since we don't always vibe with official sources) Honestly, it depends on how well a bot is acquainted with/willing to use human terms. TFA Megatron for example would only use "my darling" if he knows it terribly flusters the human. He obviously looks down on humanity (and this includes everyone but his human - whom he still looks down upon to a degree but shhhhh). If his planet's terms don't have the same impact, then "darling" it is. But if he were to use a Cybertronian term, he would go for "my spark" (meaning "person I cannot live without"). TFP Megatron always goes for something that's a thin line between affectionate and demeaning. Things like "little one" where you're really questioning if he views you as someone he loves or a glorified pet. To be fair he's weird with everyone - any affection he has is mixed with murderous intent. TFP Optimus would call you something that shows his respect and appreciation for you. Not big on nicknames, but I'm sure you can get him to adopt something - be it Cybertronian or human lingo TFP Bulkhead and Breakdown are well-acquainted with human media (thanks to Miko and Knock Out) - but the nicknames they choose are either obscure references or sickeningly sweet to a point it gets ridiculous. Are they aware of this? Mostly Bulkhead - Breakdown would call you cotton candy with a straight face because it's sweet so it must be affectionate, right? TFP Ratchet would refer to you as his associate and later friend until he finally figures out his feelings and admits to himself he's been pining for so long it's starting to take a toll on him. Then he'll start calling his human "my spark" in private, because he's old as balls. But also "sweetspark" if he's feeling playful. Although he's willing to adopt some human terms as well and lovingly mock you by using the most grotesquely cute nicknames when you're alone. TFP Starscream? Absolute disaster. He tries so hard but he's too self-aware about how weird it sounds to call you anything affectionate. Usually everything he uses sounds demeaning even if he starts them with "my" - ie: my fleshbag. Unless you're in private and he's feeling particularly generous, at which point he's going to see if he can use some of the human lingo he learned while scouring the internet. He's testing them out to see which ones work - this can either make or break your boner. He's trying to seduce you not call you his "honey bear" TFP Smokescreen is a virgin who's never been with anyone before (you can pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands) so he's navigating the land of pet names with even less experience. Don't let him use the internet though because he'll probably end up calling you his bitch and see nothing wrong with that. Cybertronian terms tend to be easier. He says sweetspark and acts smooth to impress you, but all it takes is a sultry voice and his entire system needs to reboot. TFP Knock Out has a good grip of human lingo and is the best at mixing human and Cybertronian nicknames. He can easily switch between sweetspark and love - my spark and darling. Heck if he wants to be a smug bitch he'll call you kid/kiddo by saying Newspark.
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thewertsearch · 20 hours ago
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GT: Well ive thought about it. GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad. GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found. TT: Well yeah, Jake. TT: That's sort of the point. TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.
Ok, I think I get what's going on here.
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Jake's Dreambot is probably the last remaining source of uranium on the entire island, and the AR is turning its retrieval into a game of hide-and-seek.
I'm not sure why Jake hadn't already retrieved this particular chunk of uranium, especially since he has no use for the robot himself. Maybe he was keeping it operational for sentimental reasons?
TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure. […] GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome. GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win.
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Jake's picturing a LIVING GRANDSON SMACKDOWN - and, frankly, so am I. That robot's being piloted by an absurdly advanced AI, and I'm pretty sure Jake doesn't have any combat experience.
Winning, in this case, is shorthand for 'waiting for the AR to take pity on you'.
TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake?
Now, to be fair, that one would only work if Jake had agreed to this challenge beforehand. After all, you can't pussy out of something you never pussied into.
GT: It seems it seems it seems!!! GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off! […] TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being? GT: Oh malarkey. GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.
Jake, it's been sixty seconds since you complained about him pretending not to have feelings.
TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them. TT: It sucks. GT: Oh. GT: Um. GT: Im sorry then if thats the case.
Well, that's something, at least - but I don't think Jake really understands why the AR is offended, so I'm worried it's just going to happen again in their next argument.
How long has the Responder existed for, anyway? Jake seems familiar with his schtick, so he's probably not brand-new - but at the same time, Jake's surprised apology makes it sound like the AR has only recently started to express feelings.
Maybe the AR has existed for years, but hasn't been sentient for years. Like, it really did just start as a primitive response script, but Bro kept uploading more of his personality onto it, until it slowly began to think and feel. Fascinating idea, I have to say.
GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often. GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me… GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct… uh… THING from my buddy.
Hey, it's not like the AR can stop imitating Bro. Even if he wanted to have his own identity, he's currently bound to the response script of someone else's Pesterchum account. When he talks, he's forced to do it through Bro's handle.
All evidence points to the Responder being a thinking, feeling being with his own inner world - which makes it a little ethically dubious to force him to be Bro's secretary. The guy shouldn't be treated as a bargain-bin Bro, the same way that Davesprite wasn't a backup Dave. We all saw how that ended, and it sure wasn't pretty.
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lananiscorner · 1 day ago
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Coldest hot take that ever took, but if people can understand the meaning of the word "nostalgia" and the sentiment of "god, remember when we were kids and our biggest worry in the world was whether we could have ice cream for dessert after dinner?", then they should be able to understand the urge to consume something that hearkens back to a time when the world seemed simpler (it never was, you just had adults taking over lots of shit for you and shielding you from the worst, ideally). A time when it was good enough for you to just exist and have fun and maybe learn about the importance of courage and friendship and kindness.
Also, I think a lot of the stigma around adults consuming media for kids is that puritanical panic around "but what if these adults are gonna corrupt/groom/abuse our kids???" to which all I can say is:
1) adults who want to do that will find a way to do it even without watching My Little Pony or Steven Universe or whatever.
2) Not every adult who consumes media for kids is a pedo. See the entire topic of this post.
3) You SHOULD want your kids to interact in spaces where there are adults around as well, because learning how to interact with people who are not the same age/ethnicity/affiliation as you is actually a really important life skill.
4) It will help them learn what healthy interactions with adult strangers look like, which will make it easier for them to notice when an interaction is not healthy (e.g. why is this one user so eager to get a picture of what I'm wearing today, none of the others have ever asked me for that).
5) By having adult strangers around that are not affiliated with their parents in any way, they will have someone to reach out to in case they are actually, in real life, being groomed or abused by someone they don't trust to report to their parents (e.g. dad's best friend, mom's sister, the teacher both their parents get along with so well, etc.)
"Fun" trivia: Many years ago, my mom and I used to be part of a massive anime forum/art posting site where the average age was something like 13 or so, and thanks to both of us commenting on art work a lot, we became "that one nice lady who always says what she likes about my art" and eventually "the one nice lady who's been nice enough for long enough that I want to DM her". And you would not believe the sheer amount of kids we ran into who lived in very troubled (and sometimes seriously dangerous) homes, who did not feel safe talking to their parents and who sometimes had no frame of reference for how stuff that RL adults did to them was wrong until they interacted with us in comments and DMs and realized what healthy interactions with adults at a respectful distance looked like.
Trying to remove adults who are not being creeps from fandoms for media for kids helps exactly no one other than the actual creeps who will simply pretend that they are 12 themselves.
I really have no patience for posts talking about "adults who only watch kids' cartoons," because, like...people accuse me of "only watching kids' cartoons," despite all evidence to the contrary. It doesn't matter how much I talk about other adult media I like, if I post too many things in a row about Steven Universe or The Dragon Prince or The Owl House, people come out of the goddamn woodwork to accuse me of "only watching kids' shows."
So I really can't take people seriously when they start talking about the supposed "problem" of "adults who only watch kids' shows." Are the "adults who only watch kids' cartoons" in the room with us right now, or are you basing your entire opinion of people solely on their fandom blog? Like, come on.
It makes me think of the couple years I spent volunteering in a school library. The librarian talked a lot about how it's hurtful to enforce "reading at grade-level" on every student with no nuance. Teachers would try to force their students to check out books "at proper grade-level," instead of letting students pick out whatever they wanted (even if it was "too easy"), and it resulted in a lot of students deciding books were boring, too hard, and only good for making them feel stupid. They started to hate reading entirely, because people constantly shut them down and told them they were stupid for not reading the right things. This was especially brutal on disabled students.
I personally apply the same philosophy to adults. You don't know what someone might struggle with, you don't know what someone's history is. You might think a piece of media is "too simple," but that's your experience and your opinion. People learn and grow and experience the world at different paces, and what seems to you like a "simplistic" piece of media may be the most complex, illuminating piece of media someone else has ever had the opportunity to experience. It doesn't make them "stupid" or "childish," and believing that it does is cruel and counterproductive. You cannot wield shame as a fucking cudgel if your goal is education, support, and helping people expand their horizons.
I don't think a culture of shame is helpful. I don't think a culture of "if you like 'childish' things, it means you're too stupid for anything else" is helpful. I don't think constantly making fun of children's media does anything other than demean people--and not just the people who enjoy it, but the people who make it, too.
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back2bluesidex · 2 days ago
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BTS Scenario: Seeing Them Out With Someone Else - Hyung Line
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Pairing: BTS Hyung line x Reader (Individual storyline)
Word count: 1.4k+ total
Warnings: Angst, heartbreak
Masterlist | Patreon
A/N: Tried something different. I always wanted to write angsty scenarios. Guess it's a good time to give it a try since basically nothing else is working out. haha.
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Kim Namjoon
You are an expert in random trivia. You take pride in adhering to a little more than average general knowledge. But the moment someone asks you “what’s the deepest spot on earth?” you would fumble all over the floor with your answer because you don’t know if it’s Mariana trench or if it’s Kim Namjoon’s dimples. 
Kim Namjoon is not a simple name - it’s the person who holds your years of interest, the catelogue of your first kiss, the awkward skinship that were forbidden for any high schooler back then. Kim Namjoon is your first love, your first heartbreak, your first and last “will always remember him with a smile on my face.” so when you spot the depth of the same dimple, through the mass of black, brown and other coloured heads - you reel for a minute. 
You reel and reel and reel back to the time when he threaded his fingers with yours right under a cherry tree that was yet to bloom into beauty and whispered that he liked you. Your stomach feels light, butterflies uncaging in a moment to fly around all over your insides. 
You take a step towards him, ready to rekindle whatever the spark is left off after ten years of radio silence. As you make your way through the annoyed crowd, whispering ‘sorry’s but meaning none, you pray. You pray for him to remember you the way you remember him. But as you trudge close, you see another human being, attached to his side, fingers interlaced just the way he had yours once upon a time. 
Fool. A fool is what you  are. A fool in memory of a love that was lost long ago. 
Obviously. Obviously Namjoon has someone. Not everyone is an emotional fool like you. Not everyone cherishes memories more than living beings. 
Not everyone searches the crowed for a familiar pair of dimples for ten fucking years. 
You try to move forward, move on in cue. But it’s too late because Namjoon is looking straight at you. 
“Y/N…” He calls your name with a lingering familiarity. 
“Hey” you smile, trying to recall the time when you weren’t in love with him. 
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Kim Seokjin 
From the beginning you knew it was a bad idea - both sleeping with your senior manager and falling in love with him. 
But when it’s Kim Seokjin on the other side, do you really have a say?  
He walked into your stuffy, damp life like a breeze of spring air, swept you off your feet and you gave in. you took whatever he offered you. 
It was a mistake to accept the ‘no-strings-attached’ condition he attached to your relationship even while being fully aware of how you feel for him. And now you are paying the price. 
Your corset dress threatens to choke your chest to death when you witness him walking in with an otherworldly beautiful woman in tow. 
They look beautifully perfect together. Now you understand what Seokjin meant when he said he needs to stop seeing you, that he found someone perfect for him. 
While you still think the conception of perfection is overrated - you would agree to the fact that you wouldn’t look as graceful as the woman he is carrying tonight to the party. 
“Yuri, this is Y/N. My best subordinate. And Y/N, this is Yuri, my girlfriend.” Seokjin introduces his woman, not meeting your eyes at all. 
You put on your best smile, “Hey Yuri. Nice to meet you finally.” 
Your eyes meet with Seokjin’s over her shoulders and he has a thousand different emotions playing in his iris. 
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Min Yoongi 
Min Yoongi has always been a fraction of your dream. A faraway star residing in a different galaxy - light years away. 
So it doesn’t bother you at all when he walks into the cafeteria and doesn’t spare a single glance at your way. 
Your teammate rises on her feet and greets him with a bow to gain his attention, so you are left with no choice but to follow her suit. 
When his eyes find yours, he stops in his tracks, “oh. You are Y/N, right?” he asks in his rough yet soothing voice. 
“Yes, sunbae” you duck your head in respect. 
“I heard the demo you prepared for Jimin’s album. Must say, you have potential. Keep working hard and one day we will produce music together.” he smiles at you, full and gummy. You melt. All of the unsolicited feelings that you nurtured in the cage of your heart spread long vines around your rib cage. 
You find your ears and cheek heating up with the impact. 
“Sure, sunbae. I will work ha-” 
“Oppa! You are here? I have been looking for you!” one of the raising solo idols, that you forgot the name of, runs towards Yoongi and holds his arm in her grip. 
He, as much as you know, despite being someone who hardly encourages physical touches pulls her even closer. 
Your heart breaks as fast as it expanded earlier. 
He smiles at her brighter than he just smiled at you and you know… you know dreams hardly ever come true. 
“Have a good lunch, sunbae.” you greet again, before sitting down and focusing on your lunch. 
“You okay?” your co-worker asks once the couple is out of earshot. 
“Why wouldn’t I be?” you shove the bitter feeling down. 
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Jung Hoseok 
It’s not everyday when you get to see a celebrity on the sidewalk. That too, the one that was in a relationship with you just six months prior. 
It would have been okay seeing Hoseok after he blocked you with a single explanation if there was not another human being with him currently. Her face is covered with a mask, head is bragging a black simple cap with a LV logo and somehow you know she is the reason behind Hoseok’s treason. 
A pang of fresh, sharp pain courses through the entirety of your body. 
If he told you once, you would have let him go without a fight. He didn’t… didn’t have to close the door on your face like that. 
Now as you walk behind them, while he has no idea of your presence - you find irony in the universe. You are witnessing the very thing that he didn’t want you to know, that too, on a random sidewalk. 
Funny. 
Suddenly your eyes fall on a car parked on the otherside of the road. A camera is pointed directly at the couple through the narrow slit of the glass window trying to capture them discreetly while they roam freely. 
You suck in a deep breath. 
It’s none of your business. You tell yourself again and again. 
But something about waking up to Hoseok’s dating rumour playing on the national television bothers you to the core. 
You take your phone out. Place it on your ear pretending as if you are calling someone. Then you walk close to the couple. 
When you are right behind Hoseok and you are positive he can hear you, you speak, “Hey Hoseok, it’s Y/N.” 
Hoseok visibly stiffens. 
“Don’t worry. I am not stalking you or anything. It’s a pure coincidence.” you continue. 
Hoseok is about to turn and face you but you stop him, “Don’t. Don’t turn around. I have my phone attached to my ear pretending to be in a call. I just wanna tell you that there’s a car on the other side of the road and they are clicking your pictures. 7337, the license plate number. If you have your managers somewhere nearby, you should inform them.” 
You finish with a huff and then proceed to walk away without a look back. 
Next day your phone buzzes with a call from a restricted number. You know what it can be. When you receive it, you hear him address you by your name after six long months. Your lungs fill with so much pain that it’s even tough to breathe. 
“Y/N..” Hoseok calls. 
“Hmm” 
“Thanks for yesterday. Manager hyung caught the papps in time. My face would have been all over the place today if not for you.” 
“Yeah. glad that I was of help.” 
“Yes. and I… I am so sorry for what I did-”
“Hoseok, if you are done then I think we should keep it till here. I am short on time. Gotta go. Take care.” 
You cut the call without waiting for a response. Tears spill through the corners of your eyes and you let yourself cry. 
If this is the end, your tears should be the best mode of farewell. 
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Permanent Taglist:
@phenomenalgirl9 @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @chimmisbae @i-have-no-life-charlie @mikrokookiex @jjk174 @lallataegi @savageyoongi @jwnghyuns @parapiop7 @futuristicenemychaos @armystay89 @ryryvna @purple-realms @ssbb-22 @miniesjams32
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tododeku-or-bust · 5 hours ago
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How I Keep My Chin Up
Yes, I'm going to speak from the perspective of antiblackness bc that's my hardest, most comprehensive battle, but just try to apply. We gone be alright, y'all!
1. Be Willing to Fight for Something You May Never See
Here's the thing. I am my ancestors' wildest dream. No one could have fathomed I'd be where I am right now. I live in an entirely different world from my grandparents alone!
And yet, since the beginning of the Transatlantic Slave Trade, my ancestors and I have all been fighting the same- however beat down, rebuilt, replenished, repolished and reformed- tenants of white supremacy. It's been 525 years (if we start in 1500). HALF A MILLENNIUM, and we're still fighting WHITE SUPREMACY (there was a whole ass war, even 😭)
Okay. So. It is clear that if we based our willingness and ability to fight on seeing the end game, no one would ever do so!
We have to be willing to say "okay, look, I might not ever see the end of said bigotry, but I have to be willing to fight and survive so that those that come after me have a chance". We always wish our ancestors had done different- we are the ancestors that could be doing different! You are one part of a long war, and that's okay! Doing your part is all that is asked! Which gets into my next point.
2. The Glory is in the Act
You don't have to win the war. You don't even have to win the battle 😅 The glory is in the fight!
And I think that's what makes it a lot easier for me to continue on. Narrow your scope. Do I want to win and overcome these things? Absolutely. It'd be lovely! But I can't allow myself to move based on guaranteed victory. I can't control that. What I can control is my willingness to show up!
Even if all I do is make racism's existence a tad harder today in some way, every single day. To be willing to say "no, actually, this is full of shit and SOMEONE sees that". Do something. You don't lie down and die when shit looks bad. You could at least fight about it 😅 There is dignity in resistance! If nothing else, even as you go down, you know you were right!
Stop letting them take your humanity from you without a fight. You are worth more than that. They want your hope to die bc that means they win. Fuck em 😤 Lift your chin and tighten up, soldier!
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tinfoil-jones · 22 hours ago
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Has Stan ever questioned Jerk Ford the reason why he is the only person he isn't a jerk to, since he's an a-hole even to the other members in their family?
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"You don't know him like I do."
- Both Stans at the same time.
On Jerk Ford:
Throughout their lives, Stan insisted that just because Ford’s a jerk, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about anyone. He does care! Really! He just has a hard time showing it. No one ever believed him. You could just say that it’s a twin thing when Stan says something along the lines of “You don’t know him like I do” and they’re like well no shit he’s not a jerk to you. But, give Stanley some credit here, he’s more observant than you think he is.
---
Retired tech billionaire "Old Man" Fiddleford Hadron McGucket starts his mornings as he often does; going into his garage/workshop with a cup of coffee so he could re-tune his banjo for a few songs, quietly so as not to wake his wife.
He almost drops his cup of coffee when he see's theres something on his workbench that wasn't there last night.
A multitool.
One he hasn't seen in thirty years, but recognized instantly.
Carefully, he picks it and and inspects it, maybe it's just a replica.
FHM
Engraved in his late fathers handwriting, a loose scrawl that almost looked cursive if it weren't for the letters not being attached.
It's the same multitool. It's in pristine condition.
---
When they were just little boys, they were hiding behind the counter as their Pa was arguing with a customer, who ended up calling Filbrick a word they never heard before. Filbrick kicked the customer out, but it was clear he was more upset than he let off, in fact, he seemed almost sad, something neither twin had ever seen from their Pa. Filbrick then gave them a lecture that they can never repeat the word they just heard the man call him, because it was a very bad word that people used to insult and put down people 'of their faith'. 
A few minutes later, that same customer slipped on a banana peel that ‘came out of nowhere’, and sprained his ankle.
When they were a little older, Caryn was taking the twins out for a walk, when they passed a construction site and the construction workers started whistling at her, and giving her ‘compliments’ that she didn’t seem to like. She ignored it, but her little sons noticed her pace sped up and she almost rushed them away. 
That night, as those workers were double checking the work they’d done for the day, they were baffled to find that the concrete hadn’t set; the concrete had been tampered with, as if someone had poured a bunch of sugar in it while it was mixing. They’d have to redo it all over again, and it’d cost the company extra for the wasted concrete.
When the twins were in high school, Shermie, who had long since moved out but was visiting, was in tears telling their parents that his boss refused to give him the day off on the day his wife was due to give birth to their baby.
A week before the baby was born, his workplace was suddenly so badly infested with termites and roaches, that it would need two weeks to be properly fumigated, so the workers didn’t have to work while the fumigation was going on, and they’d still get paid because they were salary workers. Shermie was there with his wife when she gave birth to their son, and he got to dedicate a few days to just being with his wife and baby.
Their Ma would help out with Shermie's son sometimes, because both parents worked, but she also worked and would have her two younger sons help out with babysitting as well. And although Ford would gripe and complain about 'dealing with a brat all day', Stan had seen more than once that Ford would put the baby to sleep more than once by simply holding him in his arms and lying down with him, and also falling asleep.
In Backupsmore, Fiddleford was being bullied by a professor who looked down on him for being ‘a hick from an inbred, uneducated family’, and he was told to suck it up when he tried reporting her because she was tenured. In the middle of the year, she was unexpectedly replaced by a new, and much nicer, professor, and they were told their original professor was taking ‘an extended leave of absence’. 
She never came back, and it later came to light later on that the dean found a box full of documents and VHS tapes under his desk that hadn’t been there when he left his office the night before. All of which were extensive proof that the professor had been secretly embezzling the schools budget. 
When Ford comes back to their dimension after thirty years in the multiverse, no one who knew him from before is surprised that he’s still a huge indiscriminate jerk, and people who hadn’t personally known him but knew about him because of their yearly holiday that celebrated his disappearance were unpleasantly surprised to find out he was as bad as everyone said he was. And Stan didn’t necessarily disagree, but even after decades apart he could still see right through his twin as if he were made of rude glass.
Dipper's pens are suddenly indestructible to his chewing habit so no more mouthfuls of ink, and Mabel mysteriously never runs out of glitter; lately, it's also been more shimmery and almost... magical?
It doesn't matter where either of them fall asleep, they always end up waking up tucked into their beds, even though they told Grunkle Stan in the beginning of summer that they were too old to be carried and to just leave them wherever they’d crashed. 
Soos had been complaining all summer about his van making weird noises and having really poor mileage. Out of nowhere, Soos’s vehicle starts running like a dream and he’s getting ninety miles to a gallon, when it’s been twenty to the gallon at most as long as he’s had it.
Also, he didn't remember when he'd upgraded the graphics card of his home computer, but he sure is loving the higher FPS when he's playing video games.
Wendy is beside herself distressed and crying to Stan, Soos, and the Mystery Twins that her house had roof leak when a surprise summer rainstorm hit, and her favourite framed photograph of herself with her late mother was water damaged beyond repair, and is nearly unrecognizable.
The next day she asks her father when he’d made a copy of her photograph, and he replies that he has no idea what she’s talking about. She then takes a closer look at the newly framed picture she'd found on her desk that had been placed right next to her damaged one- did someone paint this…?
People assume that Ford only cares about his twin brother and no one else, because he's the only person he's never been a jerk to. But Stanley knows that isn't true; Ford loves just as strongly as he does, he just has a hard time letting people know.
As for Ford not being a jerk to him? Why would Ford bother, when Stan can see right through him? His twin is the only person who can see him, really see him.
---
Hours after Fiddleford had stormed out of the cabin with his bags in tow, Stanley looks over disheartened when he see's Stanford calmly place the multitool onto his own workbench.
"There were other ways to make him leave, Ford."
"I needed to make sure he wouldn't come back. That was too close of a call."
Ford had intended to give it back when the project was over, too bad it was on his belt when he was pushed into the multiverse.
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bigfriedbassoon · 3 days ago
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I’m adding my bit because I think while this interpretation of Gertrude’s speech is interesting, it does tacitly discount that this is still Gertrude opportunistically projecting onto Ophelia, freely manipulating her corpse, and rewriting her story, something she does in every interaction she has with Ophelia.
I reject that it is Ophelia’s particular destiny to die; we’re all going to the same dust heap as Alexander, Yorick et al. Bringing predetermination in lets a lot of guilty parties off the hook.
Ophelia is free, and lives to taste freedom. Unlike Hamlet, she is completely liberated by the death of her father. In Act IV she is freer than anyone else, liberated from rhetorical logic and the constraints of the court. She commands the King’s audience at her whim, she can discuss sex and folk knowledge openly without the euphemisms Gertrude has to resort to in the willow speech.
But when Ophelia is dead, Gertrude may assert that she was a victim “incapable of her own distress”, betrayed by “envious slivers” of wood, whose clothes are “heavy with drink” and cannot be shed in time to protect her from drowning.
(Never mind that when Ophelia is dead, Laertes has nothing to live for and becomes even more likely to kill Hamlet despite Claudius’s faint objections that the rage he had to soothe will get to be unmanageable once more. That’s all incidental and would be quite rude to point out.)
According to Gertrude, the whole world seems to have risen up to swallow Ophelia and nobody could stop it, least of all a Queen.
This is a moment which is often characterized as beautiful without real evaluation. When I read this speech and try to divorce it from the 400 years of art that reinforces the imagery of Ophelia’s death, I find it no more beautiful than the King Hamlet’s reporting of his own death and crappy afterlife. I think the willow speech is ugly and cruel, self serving and short. Gertrude reports Ophelia’s death in ninety seconds or less. Gertrude “will not speak with her” in life and only uses this speech to mute her- what songs was Ophelia singing?
Ophelia does not find peace. Who can say she is interested in peace? She is silenced.
From Gertrude’s reporting, We don’t even really know the particulars of Ophelia’s “muddy death” even if we know everything else. Laertes, shocked and reeling after the vivid description of the scene — Gertrude’s purple response to his simple question of Where did my sister die?— has to prompt Gertrude to reconfirm Ophelia is “drowned”, but Gertrude doesn’t explain further. It’s true we don’t know if Ophelia actually struggled or not, though if the “glassy stream” was clear enough to reflect the willow tree before then it seems something must have kicked up silt.
(We don’t know if Ophelia wanted to die. Gertrude implies suicide loudly enough that her death becomes “doubtful” and her burial on hallowed ground is widely perceived as a simony meant to assuage the guilt of the royal family. Would it be distasteful to point out how this supposed mercy keeps Laertes in the King’s debt?)
All we know is “pretty Ophelia” was loud and inconvenient yesterday, but today the “poor wretch” is dead and tomorrow (at the funeral) she might have been a suitable wife for a Prince.
Like everyone else in the play, Gertrude sacrifices this girl and her memory for the sake of self interest. Like all the painters who choose Ophelia as their subject in the next few centuries, her awful death is made into a fascinating symbol to serve someone else’s purpose or meaning. Maybe about hysteria, maybe about the patriarchy, never about Ophelia. Somehow this is beautiful. Somehow this is powerful, but for whom?
The truth is plain; there is no dignity in death and there’s no true escape in it, except for the guilty and beguiled who yet live. Ophelia dies of neglect, without anybody who is willing to defend her before or after. That’s what this speech tells us, no matter how you spin it: your sister’s dead, there’s nothing I could do, she brought it on herself.
And in Elsinore, funeral fare is repurposed to wedding banquet.
just saw the most brilliant version of hamlet i’ve ever seen, and while i’ve already gushed about it to everyone in earshot, i have to talk about Ophelia’s death more. the way this production did it permanently changed how i view the scene, and god it’s good.
in the text, Ophelia sings her songs, hands out her flowers, says good bye, and leaves. Gertrude follows and returns later with the news that Ophelia has drowned. She describes a beautiful image to Laertes of his sister, floating in a river, singing her songs, with flowers all around her (see: my pfp). Beautiful even in death.
but in this production I just saw? Gertrude lies. we get to see the truth of Ophelia’s death. it’s not a beautiful thing, but ugly, clawing, sobbing, drinking, and “drowning” her sorrows in alcohol and pills. And only Gertrude knows. and she spins a tale of comfort, telling Ophelia’s brother of her beauty, making her last moments seem peaceful and perfect.
as women, dragged through the story, expected to be beautiful and perfect, I think perhaps Ophelia and Gertrude found a bit of themselves in each other. I think Gertrude knows pretending to be beautiful and perfect all too well. that she too finds herself in the ugly, sobbing moments. that we see her in these moments. but she knows how to smooth things over and make them look beautiful. so she does.
I always found it interesting how Ophelia was beautiful in death. how her final scene finally let her break and be something other than perfect and graceful, but then her death was beautiful. but if it’s a lie? well, that changes everything. and i love it.
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naughtyneganjdm · 2 days ago
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Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 6
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Summary: Tommy visits with Y/N and asks her not to give up on Joel just yet. Attempting to get Joel's attention, Y/N does something to make a fool of herself, but it does indeed get Joel's attention.
Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy Miller, etc.
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/159622975
Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Making Out, Severely Touch Starved Joel, Naked Cuddling (kinda), some light breast play, etc.
Notes: I promise to update this faster now. Thank you to everyone that actually took the time to comment on the last chapter. It made me feel much better about things. I can't tell you how much even a small comment helps! If you'd like to read previous chapters, check them out here.
Last night? It was nothing like the night before. Falling asleep was hard. All Y/N could think about was Joel. What was sad was that this was a man that she had only known for a few days. Yet? The things he said to her and the way he acted? It affected her more than she expected it to. There was a reason Joel hid behind this mean and cold exterior and she realized that. But it also didn’t stop her from being upset by the things that he said to her.
Her day spent with Joel was incredible. It was different than what she was used to and it was something she very much enjoyed. When she was cuddled up in bed with Joel, he felt like someone she had known for a lifetime. No one had ever made her relax and feel as safe with them as Joel had that night. Unfortunately that feeling was short lived because of the things he had said to her before he left her last night. 
Most of the night was sleepless for her with her lying awake thinking about everything Joel said about her. In a way, he wasn’t wrong. She was looking for something to prove that life was still worth living. For so long she had been missing that one thing to keep fighting for. Maybe she was clinging onto Joel too quickly and it would be hard for someone like him to handle.
A lot of her sleep was broken and by the time she officially woke up early in the morning, she decided to pack her things. It wasn’t like she had much to begin with, so that didn’t make it hard for her to do. Tommy had requested her to give him twenty-four hours’ notice when she was leaving so she went downstairs to registration. When she got there it was someone she had yet to meet, so she just left Tommy a note about how she would be leaving tomorrow. She hadn’t gotten a plane ticket yet, but she was sure that she could get something out of town. Even if it took a few flights to get back home.
There was a lot of pent-up energy that she had lingering inside of her, so she threw something relaxed on and went downstairs to the gym area of the inn. Thankfully, no one was down there. It wasn’t the biggest gym she had ever seen in a hotel. In fact, it was very small, but it also had a room connected to it that was around the same size with two mini inground hot tubs in it. It was cozy and quaint for her. For someone else it may have not been enough. Deep down she wondered if many of the guests really ever came down here. It was way too clean in her opinion and the whole time she was down there, no one ever joined her.
With how unbusy this place was, she was getting the hint that there weren’t a lot of guests that were staying there right now. And if they were? It was only to have a place to sleep so they could spend the rest of the day with their family. She was probably the one person that spent this much time in the inn. Then again, that’s what most people did on trips. Took an adventure around the places they were vacationing. Most of them weren’t like her, spending most of their time trapped up inside. 
Although, this place still seemed to get its money from the restaurant and bar that it had. It was smart adding those to the inn. It made sure that they always had a steady income, even on the days where it wasn’t busy at the inn.
God, that’s how boring she was. With the extra time she had while working out, she was thinking about how Tommy and Joel could afford to keep this place running. And truthfully, the rest of her day wasn’t going to be any more interesting. The plans for today were to finish her workout, take a shower, sit down hopefully to find a plane ticket home, get something to eat and then go to bed early. So that way she would be prepared for the full day of traveling she had ahead of her.
Right now she was finishing up her run on one of the two treadmills that they had in the small gym at the inn. To stay focused, she put in her noise cancelling earphones and worked to get out all of that negative energy that she had building up inside of her throughout the night. This was better than letting her intrusive thoughts eat away at her all day with the things that Joel had said to her lingering inside of her mind.
A small amount of movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. It wasn’t anything too big, but she could see it in the mirror paneled wall that was beside her. Taking a quick look over her shoulder she realized that someone was sitting on the lifting bench that was at the center of the room and it startled her, “Fucking hell!”
Immediately, the person that was sitting there jumped and toppled backwards onto the floor hitting it hard. Their legs were still hanging over the side of the lifting bench and it had her reaching out to quickly hit the stop button on the treadmill. Hopping down from it, she pulled her earphones out hearing the pained sound flooding the air. Shoving her earphones into her pocket, she moved over toward the center of the room to see that it was Tommy staring up at her from the ground. Helping him to unhook his legs from the bench, she did her best to allow him time to unhurriedly pull himself up from the floor.
“Tommy? What the hell were you doing?” she wrapped her arm around him, helping him to get to his feet. A grunt escaped him as she motioned him to take a seat on the bench again. There was a vibrant red color that flooded into his face expressing how embarrassed he was over the whole situation. “Were you trying to give me a heart attack?”
“No, it was quite the opposite actually. I actually came down here and started talking to you. Didn’t understand why you weren’t responding. Then I saw them earphones you were wearing and realized you couldn’t hear a word of it,” Tommy informed her, throwing his hand up in the direction that she had been running on the treadmill. “Since I didn’t want to scare you, I sat down here and waited until you were done. Clearly that was a mistake because not only did I scare you, but you also startled the hell out of me because I was looking at my phone when you yelled.”
An amused chuckle escaped her drawing out even more color from Tommy. Covering her mouth with her hand, her intentions were not to embarrass him, but she couldn’t help but laugh with the situation. Something in Tommy’s eyes changed when he realized he no longer had his phone. Spotting it on the floor, Tommy grunted and stretched out his body in attempts to grab a hold of it. Really he should have just gotten up from the bench since it was just a little too far out of his reach, but he was being stubborn dragging it toward him with just his fingertips. Once he got a hold of it, he pulled himself back up into the seated position he was in before.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Tommy explained, shoving his phone into the pocket of the jacket that he was wearing. Searching for something else in another one of his pockets, Tommy pulled something out to reveal the note that she had left for him earlier. Waving it about had her looking away from him. “What’s this Y/N?”
“The twenty-four-hour notice that you asked for,” she thought it was fairly obvious what the note was and the look that Tommy gave her showed her that he realized that. “When I came here you asked me to tell you when I was leaving and I’m telling you. I’m going to hopefully get a plane home tomorrow.”
“You can’t do that,” Tommy exclaimed, shaking his head repeatedly. Even though she didn’t mean to, a scoff fell from her throat. Folding her arms out in front of her chest, she waited for Tommy’s explanation. “I’m not trying to tell you what you can and cannot do. There is just a storm that is starting tonight and it’s supposed to last for three days. If you don’t believe me, you can look on your phone with your weather app. I promise you no plane is gonna wanna be flying out of Jackson with how the weather is gonna be.”
Hearing that had the color draining from her face. Doing as he suggested, she pulled her phone out from her pocket and confirmed exactly what he was telling her. Frustration flooded her veins. Well, now she was stuck here and her original plans would not work. By how upset she was about the information, Tommy could sense that she was completely determined to leave tomorrow which worried him.
“While we’re also on the topic of reasons why you shouldn’t leave,” Tommy sounded nervous in the way he started to speak up again. Standing slowly from the bench, he winced when there was a tug in his back. Something ached from the fall he took earlier. Because she was a doctor, he could see the look on her face immediately changing when he started to rub at his lower back. “I’m fine.”
“Do you need me to look at you?” she offered since it was technically her fault that he fell and that kind of thing was also her job.
“I’m already ashamed enough as it is,” Tommy half smiled, shaking his head at the offer. Falling was enough to make him feel like an idiot, but if he hurt himself from falling? That would only make it worse. “I’ll be fine. I just need to stretch it out.”
Brushing his fingers through his long hair, Tommy focused on looking normal not wanting to feel foolish about hurting himself like he did, “Tomorrow, with the snow, Joel and I are going with Maria’s family to one of the local resorts. Some friends are coming too. We were looking to spend the day there. People typically have fun going there and I wanted to ask you if you’d come with us. You’d get to see one of the biggest draws of Jackson.”
“That’s not going to work,” she rejected his offer, her hands dropping down at her sides. While it was nice that he was trying to include her in something again, there was no way that it would actually happen. “Because I’m afraid of heights and I don’t like skiing.”
“I remember you saying that,” Tommy seemed persistent with whatever he was about to continue on with. “But this resort? It’s huge. And it’s not just skiing. Maria is still coming with us because there are other things to do. With her being pregnant, you know I wouldn’t let her ski. That would just be stupid. Skiing and snowboarding are only some of the things that you can do. They have this winter coaster that is there which is really cool. Gondola rides. Tubing. Places to eat and just hang out. Maria and I have talked it out. We want you there with us.” 
“Tommy, you know how much I like the both of you,” she started, guilt eating away at her with the idea that she was sticking to her decision with it being no, “but Joel? He wants nothing to do with me. So, while I appreciate the offer, I’m going to have to turn you down. Because that makes this whole thing kind of impossible.”
“I see,” Tommy frowned, folding his arms out in front of his chest. Instead of just accepting her answer, he took a moment to think things out and sighed loudly. “I was kinda hoping that he spent the night with you here.”
“You haven’t talked to him?” she was bewildered to hear that, her chest aching when she thought about the night before. With a single shake of his head Tommy answered the question for her. Tommy’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and he lowered his head. Emotions were still flooding over from last night into this morning. And she didn’t blame Tommy for being upset. “I take it he’s not here?”
“He had today off,” Tommy replied back, his body language suddenly becoming very uncomfortable. “He always takes this day off every week. But I assumed that the two of you were still together after everything last night.”
“No, your brother and I didn’t spend much longer together after you last had seen us,” she enlightened Tommy to the fact that they split ways not long after leaving the bar. “He walked me to the inn and let me know that I was just a stranger that meant nothing to him. A stranger he really didn’t like much to begin with.”
“So that’s why you left me this,” Tommy suddenly understood why she had decided to go home and leave the note for him. Pushing the note back into his pocket he could see that she was uncomfortable talking about Joel. “You can’t take that to heart. He didn’t mean it. I’ve seen you with my brother and you bring out something I haven’t seen in him in a very long time.”
“Severe anger?” she let out a hesitant laugh, her body tensing up when she considered all the times Joel had slung personal attacks at her since she had gotten here. Tommy lowered back down onto the bench and stared up at her with his big brown eyes. “Tommy, your brother doesn’t like me. I was just the first person to show interest in him and he confused being sex deprived with something more.”
“Now if Joel said that, that’s just him being an asshole to try to push you away,” Tommy insisted with a loud sigh, burying his head into his hand disappointed that his brother would even say something like that. “My brother does everything he can to push people away. He doesn’t think he deserves to be happy and when someone starts to make him feel good, he always sabotages himself. It’s just…it’s who he is.”
“He said a lot of awful things last night before leaving me here,” she claimed, letting Tommy in on what happened. “I realize you think something positive was going on between us, but it was a fluke. Just like Joel said. Your brother said he wasn’t emotionally capable of being with me. Or doing…whatever we were doing.”
“Y’know what? How about the two of us go upstairs? We can grab some cider and donuts for us. Maybe we can go up to your room and talk for a while?” Tommy offered, his jaw flexing realizing that it was a lot to ask from someone who didn’t even know him for that long.
“If you and your family keep giving me free things you are going to go out of business,” she considered after all the gifts that his family had been giving her over the last few days. “While I appreciate it, I’m the last person that needs free things.”
“I doubt that, but…” Tommy stood up, brushing his hands off on his pants when he did it. “We actually give people free cider and donuts every morning during the winter. So, it’s not really me giving you anything that we wouldn’t normally give our guests.”
“Oh,” her face flushed over with color, embarrassment flooding into her features. “Then yeah. We can do that.”
Waving him forward, she followed Tommy up the stairs where they grabbed themselves something and headed up toward her room. When they got in, she motioned him to take a seat on the couch and she sat down at the opposite end. Both of them were quiet and it seemed like they were both waiting for the other one to talk.
“Something happened after you told Joel that you and Maria were having a baby,” she blurt out feeling embarrassed with the way that Tommy gazed over at her. “Joel told me that it was none of my business, but I know that the way he reacted was not normal. I wanted to apologize for him, but Joel was right. I have only been here for a few days and I can’t step into a family situation that I know nothing about.”
“I know why my brother reacted the way he did,” Tommy paused to consider and think what he was going to tell her. “I just was hoping that he would have a different reaction to it than he actually did. Sadly, the way he responded was the way that I thought he would. That’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone about the baby until after the holidays. I knew that he wouldn’t respond in a positive way.”
“That’s not normal Tommy,” she decided after taking some time to think about what Tommy said. Even though she liked Joel, that was an asshole way to respond to the fact that your brother was going to have a baby with the woman that he loved. “People don’t usually act like that.”
“My family isn’t…normal,” Tommy frowned, setting the cup of cider that he had down on one of the coasters that was set up on the coffee table. Shoving the rest of the donut that he had into his mouth, it was then that he realized the bite was probably too big. With big eyes, Y/N smirked as he chewed very uncomfortably showing that he was stressed. With a loud swallow, Tommy grunted and she took a tiny sip of her cider. “Trust me, if you knew things…you would understand.”
“Are these things I’m not allowed to know?” she was curious what these things were. It wasn’t the first time she heard about negative things toward Joel.
“I can’t tell you because they aren’t my life experiences to share. I was part of them, but if I told you and Joel found out,” Tommy paused, sucking in a sharp breath of air, shaking his head at the idea of Joel being angry with him. “He wouldn’t want me to tell anyone. When we moved here, Joel wanted to leave his past behind. But the problem is? Joel’s past defines who he is completely. Joel never truly left his past behind.”
What could she say to that? There were no hints as to what was part of Joel’s past or why Joel was acting the way he was. It was just something that Tommy expected from him.
“My brother is a good man. I know that it may not seem like that, but Joel is and has always been a very good man. He was always putting others before himself. Especially when it came to me. Joel has been taking care of me my whole life,” Tommy expressed to her, placing his hand in over the center of his chest to show sincerity in what he was saying. “Joel had to take care of me, even when we were kids. Joel had to grow up fast and I took a very long time to grow up. And that was hard on Joel. Our parents passed away when we were young and Joel had to raise me. I made a lot of mistakes growing up and he was there to deal with what came afterwards.”
“That doesn’t sound like you,” she had a hard time believing that because Tommy seemed like such a straight laced overall good guy.
“I had a hard time finding my place when I was young,” Tommy admitted, thinking back on his younger years. “I wanted to save the world. I just didn’t realize the toll that it would take on me and the ones I loved. I am the way that I am now because I found love again. But Joel? Joel has suffered through so much pain. More pain than a man should have to endure. And I’m surprised he survived because I don’t know if I would have.”
Hearing that broke her heart, but she didn’t know how she could possibly help Joel or even begin to understand if Tommy wouldn’t tell her, “Joel was happy for a while. Even though he went through a lot there was one thing in his life that balanced him. Made him realize life was special and worth living. And then something terrible happened. And since then? My brother has been a broken man. It wasn’t until you came around that I saw any sense of happiness in my brother.”
A silence followed with the lump in her throat growing bigger. Guilt was growing inside of her and her throat felt dry the further she thought about what Tommy was saying.
“That’s why I’m here begging you to give Joel a chance,” Tommy pled with her, holding his hands together in a way that made him feel pathetic with his face growing hot. “I know it’s been only a few days, but I think you feel it too. I see the way the two of you look at one another. Something happened between the two of you that just clicked. And while my brother is putting up a wall to protect himself and everyone else, he’s hurting himself in return. You? You I think are the only person capable of letting my brother be happy again.”
“Tommy, I’m just a stranger,” she recalled what Joel had said, her body tense when she took in all the information that Tommy was giving her.
“Are you though?” Tommy retorted, his head tipping from side to side with his dark eyes narrowing. “I know that it’s only been a few days, but the things we’ve talked about? I think you’re more comfortable with my family than you are pretty much anyone else. Don’t you?”
“Well, yeah,” she waved her hand about knowing that statement to be true. A big part of her life she kept secret for a reason, but she was very open with the Miller family about her past. “But I can’t help Joel if he doesn’t want to be around me. Yes, I like your brother…”
“Obviously,” Tommy added with a bounce of his eyebrows that brought some color into her face. There were some positions that Tommy had caught her in that she wasn’t very proud of. “Honey, anyone with eyes can see that when the two of you are together, there are sparks.”
“I just don’t know how to be around your brother if he keeps pushing me away and wants to be mean,” she defended her thoughts with Tommy exhaling loudly. “Yesterday was amazing. I don’t remember the last time I was that comfortable with someone Tommy. And then he just turned hateful all over again. With the snap of his fingers, the sweet guy that was eager to take care of me was shitting all over me. Metaphorically speaking.”
“I know that and I’m sorry he’s like that,” Tommy apologized, but she didn’t think that was fair for him to have to do for Joel so she lifted her hands to stop him from going any further.
“Tommy, you’re his brother and when you told him that you were going to be a father—his reaction? It was very poor,” she recognized that the negative behavior went way beyond the things that were going on with her. “If that’s the way he responds to being an uncle…?”
“Listen, I wish I could tell you, but I promise you it makes sense even if you don’t think it would,” Tommy reasoned with her, wincing at the idea of what Joel had done the night before. “My brother will come around eventually. It’s just going to take time. I was unfortunately very drunk last night so I was emotional and didn’t understand his response. I was also hopeful with you around that maybe he wouldn’t be like that.”
“How would you respond to someone who was saying what you are to me?” she pushed Tommy for answers since she didn’t know what Tommy wanted her to say.
“I would think they were nuts,” Tommy knew that this was a lot, but he shrugged his shoulders and sighed loudly. “But I think you’re the one thing that can save my brother from himself. And I know he likes you. I see it in the way that he looks at you. I haven’t seen my brother look that way in a very long time. It was nice to see that part of him again.”
“How can I save someone when I’m barely holding on myself?” she lowered her head, her throat tensing up with her admitting to Tommy that she may have not had the strength to do what he wanted of her. “Joel told me he wasn’t emotionally capable of being the person to help me get to be where I needed to be. You know I’m not right Tommy.”
“You and my brother are so much alike,” Tommy reached out to place his hands in over hers in a friendly manner to show her support. “I’m just asking you to try for just a while longer with him. I think there is something there between the two of you. And I think he can help you just as much as you could help him.”
Biting back on her lip, she felt emotional but she didn’t know why. Just giving Tommy a small nod, she pat her hand in over his and shrugged, “So do you agree to staying here for a little while longer? You’ll join us tomorrow?”
“Tommy, I don’t think I would have a choice either way with leaving,” she pointed to her phone reminding him that there was a snowstorm coming that was dangerous as it was. “I hate flying to begin with and the last thing I want to do is fly in a snowstorm like the one that is coming to this town. So I’m here whether I want to be or not.”
“While that’s true…” Tommy started, sucking in a sharp breath of air, “Something tells me that my brother is one of the things that is making you want to stay.”
Yes and no. Because his brother was the main reason she wanted to leave this morning too.
“I’ll go work on something downstairs for a few. How about you get dressed in something warm and meet me in about thirty minutes at the front. I want to show you something,” Tommy instructed her with a curious expression flooding out over her features. “Trust me.”
She didn’t know why, but she listened to Tommy. Allowing him to leave her room, she cleaned up enough and wore something warm. When he asked her to meet him, she was there and he was already waiting for her.
“So,” she noticed that they were quiet while walking wherever Tommy was taking her. “Were you hoping you would have a daughter or a son?”
“I reckon I’d be happy with either,” Tommy confessed with a weak smile, his head tipping to the side slightly so he could stare out at her when they walked. “I never thought I’d be a dad so it’s all very exciting for me. But also horrifying at the same time.”
“I think you two are going to make great parents,” she decided in an assuring tone hoping to stress to Tommy that everything would be okay. “I have only known you a few days and I can tell with how you treat me you’re going to be great parents.”
“You’re a bit different than a screaming baby,” Tommy teased her with a wrinkle of his nose getting her to smile.
“Well, that depends on the day,” she joked back, nudging him playfully with her arm liking that the banter between them was still innocent and sincere.
“If things don’t work out,” Tommy was quiet in the way he began speaking to her again, his face twisting with contemplation if he should say what he was about to. “If you and my brother have issues, Maria and I really like you. We’d like to keep in contact with you if you don’t mind.”
“Wouldn’t I be biased then when I left my review of the place? Being friends with the owners and all,” she smirked, amused that really the only people she managed to speak to and get close to were the owners of the inn she was staying at. The laugh Tommy let out seemed uncomfortable and amused at the same time. “I’m just screwing with you. Of course. Truthfully? I like the two of you more than most people I know.”
“That’s good,” Tommy noted with a half-smile, “because with my brother I almost assumed you would leave a shitty review of the place.”
“You level things out,” she promised, reaching out to pat at the center of his shoulders provoking Tommy to let out a deep rumble of laughter. “Although, I do have to wonder where you are taking me because I’m fucking freezing with this wind.”
“Just a few more steps,” Tommy motioned ahead of them, grabbing her to stop her when they stepped in front of a storefront. “Look into that window right there.”
“’Where are we?” she went to look up at what the store was, but Tommy instead just pushed her carefully forward toward the window. Doing as she was instructed, she leaned in trying to gaze through the window that was reflecting too much light from the outside with how bright it was. When her eyes adjusted she could see that Joel was sitting with a group of kids. They all had acoustic guitars and it was evident that Joel was attempting to teach them how to play. “You wanted me to see this?”
“My brother is a good man,” Tommy insisted, moving in beside her to watch Joel set his guitar down to head over toward one of the children that were in his class to help adjust their fingers to play. “Little rough around the edges, but his heart is good. It’s just hard for him to believe that he deserves any sort of happiness in his life. The man would give you the shirt off his back even if it was the last thing that he had. He’s just severely protective of those he loves but also good at self-sabotaging himself because he’s not used to having something good in his life.”
“You’re really trying to hook me and your brother up,” she noticed how hard Tommy was pushing her to see the good in Joel. “You realize that, right?”
“Actually, I was furious with my brother yesterday morning when he walked out of your room because I thought he made a mistake that was fueled by alcohol,” Tommy thought back to when he found Joel leaving Y/N’s suite. “Now I know there is something more. You bring out something in him and as his little brother? I just want to see him happy.”
Not wanting to embarrass or upset Joel, they didn’t stay too long. Both her and Tommy had lunch together where instead of focusing on Joel, they just got to know each other better as friends. And after they did? She went back to the inn and got cleaned up. A lot of what they talked about weighed heavy on her. The fact that all she could do was think about Joel Miller told her that there was something inside of her that longed for him. She hadn’t felt this way about someone in a very long time.
There was something that struck realization into her while she lounged around her room all day. The conversation she had with Joel the night before when they were alone together in that hallway. They made plans for something that was very unlikely to happen tonight. Something dirty. But considering this town was small and Joel had been at The Tipsy Bison every day she had been there so far? She might have been lucky and he’d be there again.
Getting ready, she knew that this was ridiculous, but she pulled out the only dress she brought with her which was a tight-fitting black dress that was something in the past she would have worn to a club to get attention. It was freezing outside, so this was definitely a decision that might have been a bad one. But she didn’t care. Putting on her heavy coat that she had bought in town here over the dress felt strange. It wasn’t a long walk, but damn did she regret wearing this as soon as she stepped outside. Admittedly? Usually she wouldn’t rush, but since it was already snowing, the walk to The Tipsy Bison was rather quick, kickstarting her heart to race. By the time she reached the bar, once she entered she almost regretted it. This was a stupid idea.
People were staring at her when she entered. And she didn’t blame them. She had dressed up nice, done her make up and was out to impress if she had spotted Joel Miller. There was a sense of disappointment that flooded her veins when she looked to the table that Joel had mentioned to her the night before. It was empty. Maybe she should have just left.
That was when she took another look at the bar and felt a rush flood through her veins realizing that Joel was slouched over at the end of the bar holding onto a glass that she assumed had whiskey in it. Clearing her throat, she confidently pulled the material from her jacket down her body. Doing so immediately drew the attention of the bartender that was at the time pouring Joel’s drink. Folding her coat over her arm, she stood there for a moment longer. Noticing that the bartender must have been gawking, Joel turned on his seat with his brown eyes growing big when he saw her standing there in the dress. Making sure to lock eyes with Joel, she gave him an emotionless expression before heading over toward the booth that he had mentioned.
Taking a seat, she waited. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that Joel’s face was scrunching up in confusion with what she was doing. But pretty quickly the bartender that had ignored her the previous days was stumbling through the bar eager to come over to get a drink order from her. Not wanting to make an ass of herself, she ordered a juice because the last thing she wanted to do was get drunk and end up home with the wrong person.
Pulling out her phone, she acted like she was checking something, but out of her peripherals was watching Joel’s reaction toward her. What was disappointing is that he didn’t get up. He just turned around back toward the bar, but every so often he would look over his shoulder at her to see what she was doing.
Mostly she was getting the stares from men that she didn’t want to get the attention of. Especially the one that Joel had terrified the night before. Considering no one was coming up to her, Joel was likely right. That guy was a big mouth and let everyone know what Joel said so people were too afraid to go over to her.
When she got her drink, she noticed that Joel was staring at her again over his shoulder and she teasingly stroked her fingers at the glass that was before her. Eventually Joel smirked, shook his head and turned away from her again.
“Wow,” she muttered under her breath starting to feel embarrassed at just how much she was failing in this situation. With how desperately Joel spoke to her yesterday about the scenario they set up, she thought doing what he had told her last night would have drawn him to her. The dress she was wearing was tight, clinging to her every curve. She was wearing something with a skirt just like he had asked her to. Seeing him blow her off like that just made her know how stupid this really was. Huffing out, she slid out from the booth and started to put her jacket on again.
Grabbing her juice, she headed over toward the bar hearing a crashing sound with how quickly the bartender came over toward her as she stepped in beside Joel who tensed up with her near. It was interesting how quickly this bartender went from ignoring her the first day to falling over himself to get to her.
“Something wrong with your drink?” the bartender wondered with her slamming the glass down in front of Joel who stiffened beside her, his back straightening when he tipped his head just enough to look back at her. His eyebrows bounced up and they locked eyes. “Can I get you something else?”
“No, I’m leaving, but he can have this,” she declared, sliding the drink in closer to Joel whose dark eyes narrowed when she leaned in closer to him. More than anything she wanted to lash out at him, but she knew that she couldn’t and shouldn’t in front of these people. “Enjoy the drink.”
“Yes ma’am,” Joel spoke quietly, his expression barely changing only infuriating her more. She felt the eyes of the people around them watching and she had to have looked ridiculous. Frowning, she shook her head and turned on her heel heading to leave.
“This was so dumb,” she confessed once she reached the outside, cussing out when she almost slid because of the snow that had started to fall. Noticing that town square was close to empty, instead of heading directly back to the inn she went across the street to see the tree. Whenever things were hard for her in New York City she would go to the Rockefeller tree and she would find some kind of inspiration there. So she was hoping the tree here would have the same kind of effect for her too. Tommy begged her to stay for Joel, but with the way Joel responded to her, she felt like that was a stupid decision. Once she reached the tree, the heavy amounts of snow caught her foot causing her to slip and fall back into the snow. Thankfully there was enough snow to catch her fall causing her to let out a frustrated laugh. “You have to be fucking kidding me.”
Staring up toward the sky, she didn’t have the will power to get up right now. So she just stayed there with her heart pounding inside of her chest. It was freezing and she’d likely make herself sick, but she was fed up with everything right now. There was a burning at her cheeks from the wind and a prickling sensation in her legs from being bare and laying in the snow. Yeah, she certainly succeeded in making herself out to be an idiot tonight.
The sound of the snow crunching under someone’s footsteps was heard, but she didn’t bother to look. A moment later, Joel’s curious brown eyes were staring down at her. His right eyebrow arched, the crease at the bridge of his nose growing deeper.
“What in God’s name are you doing?” Joel asked, his southern drawl raspier than normal when he tipped his head slightly. Having Joel standing over her like that did feel ridiculous, but she couldn’t find herself thinking of an answer fast enough.
“I’m making snow angels. Isn’t that obvious?” she waved her arms about causing Joel to smirk at her antics. With a slow nod, Joel looked around the area before carefully lowering down in beside her in the snow. Astonishment flooded her body with her turning her head to the side to see that Joel was looking up into the sky like she had been. “What are you doing?”
“Well if people see you like that, they are going to think you’re crazy,” Joel alerted her, turning his head slightly to lock eyes with her. “So this way? They’ll think we’re crazy together.”
Hearing that had her heart skipping a beat. Returning her stare back to the sky above them, she could tell that Joel was getting more comfortable beside her in the snow. Resting his hands in over her abdomen while he laid there, Joel kept quiet. 
“You fell, didn’t you?” Joel asked simply causing her to let out a tremoring exhale.
“Yes. Yes I did,” she was honest, hearing the tiny chuckle from Joel. If she wasn’t freezing her ass off right now, she might have found this funny too.
Silence returned and it started to feel uncomfortable so she decided to break it, “I saw you earlier.”
“And I saw you earlier,” Joel countered, confusing her in that moment because she was fairly certain that he hadn’t seen her and Tommy watching him teach those children. “The performance was a bit dramatic if you ask me.”
“Thank you, but I wasn’t talking about that,” she scoffed when she understood that he was talking about what just happened in the bar with them together moments earlier. “I was actually talking about earlier today. You teaching those children how to play the guitar. It was cute.”
“Hmmm…” Joel hummed, his jaw flexing with her confession to him. His eyelashes fluttered when he turned his head to look out at her again. Originally, she thought he might have been embarrassed, but he didn’t seem to mind. “I told you sometimes I could be really cute.”
“And sometimes you can be a huge asshole,” she was short with him having him nod his head as if he agreed with her. Instead of fighting back with her, he just took her comment with a grain of salt. “You should teach me how to play before I leave.”
“This world?” Joel spouted off eliciting her to push up onto her hands to stare out at him. Mirroring her, Joel sat up in the snow and held his hand out to direct her attention to what she was wearing. “Because if you lay in the snow much longer like that I can’t do much of anything.”
Well, he wasn’t wrong. By now, she couldn’t feel much of anything with her legs and she knew that was a bad thing. Tommy told her that there was going to be a storm tonight. She should have realized wearing this dress would be a bad idea. Even if it wasn’t much of a walk from the inn to the bar that the Miller family often attended.
“My legs are numb,” she admitted with a frown eliciting a low rumble of a groan from Joel. Watching him digging into the inside of his jacket, she knew that he was right. She needed to get out of this snow. Digging something out of his jacket, Joel motioned her forward and she gave him an odd expression. “What?”
“Don’t be stubborn,” Joel instructed, reaching out to pull his winter hat down in over her head. After that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick pair of work gloves. A rush of embarrassment flooded through her with Joel gesturing her to hold her hands up. Doing as she was told, Joel pulled the gloves down over her hands making sure that they would stay. Right now she felt like a child that was being taken care of. Tugging her jacket together better, Joel grunted and repositioned himself. “Hold tight.”
“To what?” she gasped out with Joel hooking his arms under her firmly lifting her up from the snow. Not wanting to fall, she was quick to wrap her arms around the back of Joel’s neck with him readjusting her in his arms when he got to his feet. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Your legs are numb,” Joel reminded her nodding over toward her legs that sincerely did ache. Resting her head in against Joel’s shoulder, she was amazed with how strong he genuinely was. By the time that he was carrying her out of town square, Joel was right. People were looking at them like they were insane.
“Where are you taking me?” she asked noticing that they were headed in the opposite direction of the inn. Grunting, Joel adjusted her in his arms in a way that seemed to be more comfortable for him. “Joel?!”
“You need to warm up properly. And considering you pulled this stunt in an attempt to impress me, I’m taking you to my home. It’s not that far away,” Joel responded, his southern accent growing stronger while he continued down the street in the direction of the homes that were in Jackson. “We’ll get you into proper clothes, sit you down in front of the fireplace to warm up and I’ll get something warm into you.”
Pausing to consider what he just had said had her snickering against the side of his neck and he huffed, “Be mature for ten seconds. You know I mean a drink.”
“Suddenly you care?” she tried to gather herself from continuing to tease Joel. Yeah, it was immature, but the things that Joel had said to her yesterday had eaten away at her all night and into today. Honestly? She knew she shouldn’t have been complaining because her legs ached and she wondered if she would have even been able to walk back to the inn with how sore she was. Tipping her head back enough, there was an amused expression over Joel’s features and it made her frown. “I’m just saying. Yesterday you weren’t very nice to me.”
“What did you say I was occasionally? An asshole?” Joel confirmed with her, his breathing creating a visible mist in the air with how cold it actually was. Giving him a tiny nod, she curled her arms tighter around him with him turning another corner. “It’s more than occasionally. But I’m also on occasion a gentleman.”
Even though she wanted to fight him, she truthfully liked being in his arms and just lowered her head again. They were quiet when he made it to a home that she assumed was his with his last name painted on the mailbox. Moving up the steps to the walkway that led to his home, Joel’s face scrunched up and he laughed, “Although, I do have to ask you. You’re a smart person. What led you to think it was smart wearing this in this kind of temperature?”
“I uh…” she clung tighter to Joel with him moving up the steps to his home. When he reached the door, Joel carefully lowered her down for a moment with one of his arms still wrapped around her to brace her weight against him. Digging into his pockets, he managed to pull out his keys. Struggling to get the door open, he gave her a nervous smile fumbling with it until it opened. Grunting out, he picked her up in his arms again after he put the keys back into his pocket. “Joel!”
“Calm down, I’ve got you,” he hushed her, kicking the door shut with his heel acting as if her worrying about the idea of him dropping her was ridiculous. Walking throughout his house in the dark seemed to be easy for him. Before she knew what was happening, she was being set down on his couch carefully before he walked through the room to turn the light on. “Let’s get the fire started for you…”
Watching him from the couch she knew that she was a tremoring mess. Probably looking ridiculous with his hat and gloves on. Joel was right. It was too fucking cold to pull a stunt like that. And she knew better. She was a doctor after all. For a few minutes Joel worked with the fireplace until he got it working. Swiftly, he moved one of his seats closer to the fire and headed over toward the couch again.
“I can stand up,” she went to stop him, but he didn’t allow her when he picked her up with ease. Being cautious with the way he sat her down, she was amazed at how gentle he was being with her. Especially after last night. The warmth of the fire felt nice with Joel reaching to pull the gloves from her hands. Tossing the gloves aside, he grabbed a hold of her hands and rubbed at them to gather some warmth. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me,” he shook his head, dropping his hands down to rub at her legs that were undoubtedly the coldest part of her. It wasn’t something that was sexual, he really was doing his best just to warm her up. The gesture was very sweet and she felt a lump growing in her throat watching him. “Let me go get you something to wear. I did the laundry today, so it should be fresh. I promise.”
“You don’t have to…” before she could finish Joel had already walked out of the living room leaving her alone to herself sitting in front of the fire.
The time alone allowed her to gaze upon Joel’s home for the first time. Except for the tree that was in the corner of the room left unplugged, everything was extraordinarily average. Joel’s living room was clean, everything had a place and the only thing that she noticed was the paintings on the wall reminded her a lot of the inn. It was too bad she didn’t have the strength to walk around and explore but her body was exactly where it wanted to be. Enjoying the warmth of the fireplace that Joel had sat her near. The sound of footsteps returning was heard and she looked toward the area Joel walked away to see him rounding the corner.
“I grabbed you some sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie that I had in there,” Joel moved before her, holding out the clothes that he had grabbed for her. Accepting them, she lowered them down into her lap with Joel nervously looking around his living room. Messing his fingers through his hair, Joel stumbled through the living room and plugged the tree in to give her more light. Unlike the inn where the Christmas tree was extravagant, this was very plain. It just had lights on it with no decorations whatsoever. “I’ll turn the television on so you have some background noise while I make you something warm. Would you prefer some coffee or hot chocolate? I’m a coffee guy. Big fan of coffee. But if it’s too late for that…”
“Coffee is fine,” she cut him off, not wanting to be much of a bother with things.
“You can change in here. I’ll stay in the kitchen for a few just to make sure I don’t see anything,” Joel promised snapping his fingers. Clicking his tongue against the top of his mouth, a rush of color flooded into Joel’s face and he seemed to be embarrassed. Turning on his heel, he headed back toward what she assumed was the kitchen leaving her there. Waiting for a moment, she shakily stood up from the chair and worked her dress off. Putting the clothes on that he gave her to the best of her ability, she folded up the dress and then lowered down into the chair again. “Permission to come in?”
Looking to the entrance of the room, she couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of Joel holding his hand dramatically over his eyes while taking big steps into the room. Holding out a pair of socks drew her eyes to them with Joel huffing, “I thought you might need these. Cold feet is never a good feeling.”
“You can uncover your eyes,” she assured him with Joel dropping his hand down at his side. Even though he was in fact being a gentleman, she really wouldn’t have cared if he had seen her naked. Strangely, she was that comfortable with Joel. “Thank you for these.”
“Yes ma’am,” Joel watched her closely, holding his hand out for her dress. “I’ll hang that up to dry if you would like.”
Handing off the dress, she was impressed with how good Joel was taking care of her. Whatever Joel had turned on the television before he left appeared to be some kind of Christmas romance film. And it brought a smile to her wondering if Joel often watched these type of movies since this was the channel that was left on.
“Y’know what I still can’t wrap my mind around?” Joel’s voice made her jump when he returned to the living room with two mugs in his hands. Unhurriedly handing hers off to her, Joel made sure she had a good hold of it before releasing it. Cupping the mug in her hands, she was using it mainly just to warm herself up. “That you somehow thought it was a smart idea to wear all that just to get my attention.”
“It worked,” she reminded him with Joel taking a moment to think that over. Tipping his head from side to side, his bottom lip curled before he nodded. “Didn’t it?”
“Oh, it worked. I just thought it was ridiculous,” Joel informed her, leaning his arm against the wall that was beside the fireplace. Bringing his mug up to his lips, Joel took what sounded like an annoyingly loud slurp of his coffee and she wondered if he did it on purpose. “The whole idea was to wear something inconspicuous so we could get away with it. Wearing that dress? You had the bartender exploding in his pants. All eyes were on you. We could have never done what we talked about. With your breasts being all perky and nice.”
“Perky and nice?” she chuckled at his description. “Thank you?”
“You’re welcome,” Joel bobbed his head about with a tiny smirk tugging at his features. “You really thought coming into that bar today would get me to come over there and do the things we talked about last night?”
“It was worth a shot,” she thought aloud, turning her attention back toward the fire. Taking her first sip of the coffee, she knew that this was more so for the warmth.
“Why?” Joel muttered with a huff, his face scrunching up in disbelief. “I treated you like shit yesterday and you still wanted to do that with me?”
“I guess I’m kind of a moron,” she theorized, her eyebrows bouncing up provoking him to chuckle under his breath. Shifting uneasily in the seat that he had moved for her, her eyes finally looked up at him. “I unfortunately couldn’t get my mind off you all night. When you can’t stop thinking about someone you become pretty desperate to get their attention. Even if that means hurting yourself in the process. Falling in the snow was not part of the plan though, I promise you that.”
Stepping forward, Joel extended his hand to collect her jaw loosely between his rough fingertips, “Don’t ever hurt yourself for me again. I may be a dick, but I don’t wanna see you dead. You understand me? It doesn’t take much for you to catch my attention. You don’t have to risk your health in order to do it.”
“Would you have been as nice to me otherwise?” she interrogated him, getting his eyes to narrow almost immediately after. While it was a nice thing to hear, she doubted that Joel would have been so welcoming like this if she wouldn’t have been stupid. “See. You wouldn’t have.”
“Touché,” Joel grumbled, motioning her to wait. Setting his coffee down on the coffee table near the couch, Joel made his way over toward one of the closets to pull out a blanket for her. Heading back over, he was careful in the way he wrapped it around her and over her shoulders. “Good?”
Turning his head, the warmth of his breath lingered over hers and it made a shuddering exhale escape her lips. Not being able to form words, she just nodded with Joel tipping his head forward just enough to nuzzle his nose in against hers.
“Why did you do what you did last night? I don’t need to know that stuff with Tommy. I mean with me,” she wanted to know his reasoning with her heart skipping a beat at the closeness of him. “What did I do?”
“It wasn’t you,” Joel slurred, his cheek rubbing in against hers and with her free hand she instinctively started to stroke her fingers at the back of his neck. “What I said is true Y/N. I’m nothing good. I’m poison. The quicker you see that, the better.”
“This doesn’t feel like poison,” she noted placing a delicate kiss over the side of his face having him tense up before her. His body’s reactions to her drove her wild for this man. Every touch she gave him had him reacting, even if he didn’t want it to. It was involuntary, but he yearned for every delicate sweep of her fingers over his skin along with her kisses. “This actually feels really nice.”
“I’m no good for anyone,” Joel’s words vibrated against her cheek with him starting to pepper faint kisses there. This was an odd way to have such a serious conversation, but she liked it. “Especially someone like you.”
“Someone like me?” she repeated, her eyelids heavy when she pulled back just enough to meet his chocolate brown eyes. Tracing her fingertips through the facial hair that covered his jawline made him suck in a sharp breath of air.
Lowering down onto his knees, the heat from Joel’s palm had her leaning into his touch with him caressing over her face, “Someone perfect. Someone delicate. Someone who deserves better than someone like me. I never know the right thing to say. I’m angry all the time. You don’t need that in your life.”
Dragging his thumb across her bottom lip, Joel’s breathing grew uneven with his eyes following the movement, “I don’t understand this. Whatever it is going on between us. We only just met, but I’m addicted to you.”
Kissing faintly at the pad of his thumb drew him in closer to her. There was a longing in his eyes that had a fire burning deep within her.
“Not just because you want to fuck me?” she recalled what he had said the night before evoking him to let out a raspy laugh.
“I won’t lie, I do desperately want to sleep with you,” Joel confessed with a grunt, his nose nuzzling in against hers again. Hearing that excited her. Especially since she had a yearning for him as well. “But that’s not the only reason I like you. I don’t know what it is, but when you touch me…even if it’s you touching my face…”
“You’re touch starved,” she heard the pant that he released with her dragging her hand across the side of his neck and up over his face. Cuddling his head into her touch, Joel’s lips parted and his long eyelashes fluttered to a close. “You are so beautiful.”
Hearing her call him beautiful made a tiny smile tug at his lips and she was certain he was thinking that was an odd way to describe a man like him, “Would you hold me?”
“Are you sure?” Joel confirmed with her, but it didn’t take long for her to nod. Setting aside the coffee he got for her, she stood up from the chair to have Joel lower down into it. Helping to lead her back into his lap, Joel managed to wrap them both up in the blanket with his arms wrapping around her to hold onto her. Nuzzling his nose in against the side of her neck, Joel hummed as he placed tiny kisses there as well. “I’m a mess.”
“I know,” she agreed with him, an involuntary smile pressing in over her lips with her stroking her fingers through his dark messy hair. “But I am too.”
For a while she just sat in his arms, enjoying the way the fire worked to warm her up as well as the warmth of his body surrounding hers. At some point the television had drawn her attention and she saw that a love scene was on the screen.
“You know, no one has ever made love to me like that,” she commented seeing that the two characters were laying in front of a fireplace wrapped up in blankets. “In the movies, love scenes seem so perfect…”
“Movies are completely unrealistic,” Joel reminded her with a scoff, grunting with a laugh when she swatted at his chest. “I’m just saying. Love scenes are a fabricated lie that people use to make women swoon. To believe in something more. But no one has sex like that.”
“Well that’s a shame,” she suggested liking the way that Joel rubbed his cheek in against hers again with his facial hair scratching at her skin. “Women wait a lifetime for moments like that and it never happens.”
“That’s what the film industry does. Sets people up to be let down,” Joel hinted, pulling her in closer to him with a long sigh.
“You know,” she pulled her attention away from Joel for just a moment to look at Joel’s tree. “I’m surprised how bare your tree is. You barely have any decorations in here. Whereas at the inn? Everything is covered.”
“I told you that was more Tommy and Maria,” Joel stole a quick look back at his tree, grunting out at the sight of it. “Tommy put that up. He wanted me to have something for Christmas. It’s not really my thing. It brings back feelings for me that I don’t like having. I’m sure…I’m sure you understand.”
“I don’t know what happened to you, but I do understand why you feel the way you do,” she swept her thumb in over his jawline, getting his dark eyes to lock with hers. “Whatever happened Joel, I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” Joel frowned, turning in toward her hand to place a kiss over the center of her palm. Curling his finger in underneath her chin, Joel led her to him, capturing her lips in a lingering kiss. It was sweet, almost romantic. And by the time they separated her heart felt like it was going to pound right out of her chest. “I shouldn’t feel this way this fast.”
“It’s okay,” she hushed him, outstretching her fingers to trace in over the lines of his face. A loud exhaled escaped him and the way he looked at her took her breath away. “Joel? Do you think you could teach me how to play the guitar?”
“Right now? Is that what you want to do?” Joel’s head tipped back, lifting to grab a loose hold of her hand. Confirming with a nod, she felt Joel shifting her weight and she shakily stood to her feet. Taking care of the fireplace, Joel held his hand out to hers and tipped his head in the direction of his stairs. “You want me to carry you?”
“I think I can handle it,” she responded feeling silly that he had to carry her as much as he did already. Wiggling her legs, she could tell that they still were numb but she thought she would be good enough to move.
“Follow me,” he ordered, smirking when he held his hand out to hers. Without question, she hooked her fingers with his and he led her unhurriedly up the stairs. One thing she noticed about Joel’s house was a lot of it was covered in paintings and not so many photos. This could have been anyone’s home really. Reaching the second floor, she knew that this would be a place she’d love to explore just to get to have a better understanding of Joel. Leading her to one of the rooms, Joel kept a hold of her hand when he flicked the switch on for his office. “This is where I uh…make things.”
“Make things?” she looked around his work room not knowing where to look first. Several acoustic guitars were hanging on the wall. There were shelves with multiple carvings resting on them. Letting go of Joel’s hand she moved over toward them to inspect each one of them. Reaching for one of them, she took it off the shelf to observe it. The carving was a very detailed one of a grizzly bear standing on a large rock after catching a fish in its mouth. A few of the carvings were left unfinished, but this one? Everything was done along with the painting of it. And it was amazing. “You did this?”
“Yeah,” Joel stood at the center of the room, his hands in his pockets with his shoulders slouching forward. When she looked to him it seemed like he might have been embarrassed when she returned it and then reached for another one that he did. “I like to keep my mind busy. I look at pictures and then I uh, well I carve them.”
“These are amazing,” she applauded him on his work, setting them down and then moving over toward where the acoustic guitars were hanging. “And you make these as well?”
“I do,” Joel was quiet while she gazed upon his work. “Those are probably my favorite thing to make. When people ask me for one, I like to try to fit their personality to it. I told you I loved music growing up, so I’m drawn to that kind of stuff.”
“These are impressive Joel,” she continued to make her way around the room stopping at one of his work benches to look at the carving he was working on. It was partially done, but it was easy to tell that it was rodeo themed with a cowboy riding a horse that was on its back legs. “I could never do something like this.”
“Well, like I said…” Joel headed over toward the acoustic guitar that was at the corner of the room. Picking it up, Joel held it in his hands and headed over toward one of the seats to sit down. “You’re good with your hands. And I’m good with mine. Just in other ways.”
“No kidding,” she agreed with him hearing him starting to strum a few chords behind her while she took her time looking upon his next work bench where he obviously made his acoustic guitars. “This is impressive.”
“Mhmm…” Joel didn’t want to act like it was a big deal because it was something he just did in his spare time. It wasn’t like it was much of a big deal for him. After she felt like she had invaded his privacy enough, she reached for one of the chairs and pulled it before him. “Did you have any kind of music training when you were younger?”
“Nothing extensive,” she found herself in awe that Joel could just continue to play a tune like it was nothing while sharing a conversation with her. “How many songs do you know by heart?”
“Don’t know,” Joel slurred, his southern drawl growing deeper as she slid in closer to him. “Lots I reckon.”
“How do you remember them all?” she heard Joel easily change to a different recognizable song without even stumbling or having any problems at all.
“Do you have to look at an instruction manual every time you do a surgery?” Joel inquired, his right eyebrow arching drawing out a smirk from her. Shaking her head, Joel snickered to himself and sighed loudly. “Then I guess in the same way you don’t have to do that.”
“Will you sing for me?” she pushed remembering that Joel had told her that he wanted to be a singer when he was younger. “Please?”
“Nope,” he stuck to his guns, changing the tune again impressing her with how easily he seemed to do it. “I don’t sing in front of people.”
“You’re going to sing for me at some point,” she claimed, her head bobbing about causing Joel to snort and dramatically shake his head. “I’m going to hear that voice and you are going to want to play for me when you do.”
“Sorry, not gonna happen,” Joel refused once more eliciting a frustrated sound from her. “Even if you use that cute little frown on me, I won’t do it. I’ve already let you know too much as it is. You coming into my house? This? It’s a big deal.”
“Do you have to kill me now?” she mocked, her eyebrows bouncing up pulling out a raspy laugh from inside of him. Hearing him laugh like that had a warmth flooding throughout her body.
“I might,” Joel grumbled, his one dimple very prominent with the smile still over his lips. “Gotta keep my secrets, y’know?”
Resting her elbows on her knees, she lowered down to get comfortable while he played the guitar, “Tell you what? How about I make you one of my acoustic guitars to make up for my lack of singing around you. Would you like that?”
“You’d do that?” she seemed excited at the idea and he gave her a single nod appreciating that she seemed to want that. “That’d be awesome.”
“Okay then,” Joel stopped playing and stood up from the chair to move over to place the guitar in her hands. Watching her adjust it made him smirk and he immediately shook his head. “No, don’t hold it like that.”
Kneeling down in front of her, Joel took her hands to show her the proper way to hold onto the guitar. Really, she did her best to listen to Joel explaining things to her, but she was having issues. Distracted would be an understatement. Joel was going over the parts of the guitar with her, explaining things and she listened, but at the same time she was just enjoying being close to him.
By the time Joel was teaching her simple chords after grabbing her a guitar pick, she felt a chill running down her spine. Joel was standing behind her, his hands helping to move hers and she just liked having him near. For a while she did her best to focus and while she learned some things, having Joel’s head so close to hers drew her to look upon him.
“Everything okay?” Joel noticed that she was staring at him and he gave her a weak smile.
Not knowing exactly what to say, she lowered down the guitar and turned in her seat toward him, “Can I be honest with you?”
“You have been thus far. So I’d expect nothing else from you,” Joel reminded her noticing the uneasiness in her body when she looked down. “Hey?”
“You’re my favorite thing about this town,” she declared, her eyes lifting once more having Joel swallow down hard with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “I thought of leaving tomorrow, but nothing inside of me wants to truly do that because I like spending time with you. Call me pathetic, call me what you want, but being around you? It just feels good.”
Dropping his stare to her lips, Joel’s breathing grew louder. Curling his fingers around the back of her neck, Joel led her to him to steal another kiss from her. At first his kisses were gentle and delicate. Soft sweeps of his lips over hers led her to lean in closer to him. Kissing him felt incredible and it was addictive.
Pulling away from the kiss for a moment, Joel grabbed a hold of the guitar to set it aside carefully. Standing up had her following him moving from the chair eager to meet him in another passionate kiss that had him wrapping her up in his arms.
Picking her up had her gasping against his mouth as he stumbled over toward one of his free desks. Lowering her down on top of it, Joel growled with the way that she cupped his face. Tender strokes of her thumbs against the side of his face had his lips parting. Having her touching him had chills flooding down his spine. No one had this kind of effect on him. Especially not this fast.
“I don’t want you to leave,” Joel confessed, pressing his forehead to hers. A tremoring breath escaped his lips. And in that moment? She saw desperation in his eyes. The idea of her leaving actually upset him. Leaning into her touch, Joel knew that he craved to have her near him. How he felt for her? It was indescribable. “Please don’t run away because of me. I know I’m hard to care for…”
Brushing her fingers through his messy hair, she gazed up seeing just how emotionally broken Joel really was. Conflicting emotions flooded throughout Joel, but she could see that she meant something to him. What he needed was what Tommy said earlier. Someone who wouldn’t give up on him because he was too trapped in what he was used to. Which was torturing himself.
Hushing him, she leaned in to press faint kisses over his lips. Having him panic about her leaving was not her intentions. Sliding her hands down in over the sides of his neck, she lowered them even further and dragged the backs of her hands over the front of his chest. Starting to work open the buttons of his shirt had Joel’s breathing broken, his forehead pressing in against hers. Helping her, Joel managed to get his shirt down his body allowing it to fall at his feet on the floor. Almost immediately her hands were reaching for the bottom of his t-shirt working it from his body.
Grunting out, Joel lifted his arms aiding to get it off him. Dropping the t-shirt down on the ground, she lowered her stare to gaze upon his naked torso. It was the first time that she actually got to see him completely shirtless. And she wanted to take all of him in. Placing her hands gently in over the center of Joel’s chest had his lips parting with his eyelids growing heavy. Right now she wanted to learn all of him. Tracing her fingers along the lengths of his abdomen had him sucking in a sharp breath of air.
“I haven’t had someone touch me like this in a long time,” Joel reminded her of something he had said previously when they were fooling around. Watching her touch him, Joel licked his lips when she drew shapes down over the lengths of his body toward the softer part of his stomach under his bellybutton. “I’m sorry for the way I’m acting.”
“I like it,” she quieted him, shaking her head with Joel’s long eyelashes fluttering. While he was panicked, she was in awe of him. There was a vulnerability in him that was easy to pick up on with her tracing lines over his torso. Reaching his lower abdomen, it was then she finally noticed the significant scarring that was there. How she had missed this before blew her mind. Dragging her fingertips over the puckered flesh drew out a nervous sound from Joel. Shakily, he reached for her hands to stop her.
“Joel,” she shook her head, using her free hand to get him to relax. Sliding in closer to the edge of the table, she hovered her lips in over his. Even though he was uneasy with his body, she appreciated every part of him. “Your scars, mental or physical, they make you who you are. And who you are is beautiful.”
Releasing a tremoring breath, Joel’s fingers were fast to grab for the hoodie that he had given her. Quickly he helped her get it from her body much like she had done with him. Tossing it onto the floor with his shirts, Joel panted realizing that he was eager. Not hesitating in his movements, he grabbed a hold of her t-shirt next. Locking eyes with her, Joel could sense that she became nervous in that moment. Tugging the material up her body, Joel stopped at her arms. With a nod, she lifted her arms for him allowing him to pull it from her body. A long exhale escaped his throat when her breasts were revealed to him for the first time with a slight bounce from the movement. Dropping the t-shirt at his feet, Joel’s hands pressed faintly in over her sides while she sank her fingers into his hair.
“You are breathtaking,” Joel whispered, his thumbs sweeping at the area just below her ribcage. It had her arching in closer to him with his hands sliding further up to cup tenderly at the underside of her breasts. Whimpering at the sensation, she pulled Joel in closer to her having his forehead pressing against hers. Bringing their bodies closer together, Joel wrapped her up in his arms. Her breasts pressed against his chest with his nose nuzzling in against the side of her neck. The skin-to-skin contact felt amazing with both of them tracing the lengths of the others body with lazy, lingering strokes of their fingertips.
Joel wasn’t a very verbal lover, but the reaction of his body to hers was more than enough making her realize what he was feeling. Wet kisses were being pressed against her shoulder, the sensation of his facial hair scratching against her skin evoking shivers throughout her body.
“You are so beautiful,” Joel mirrored her sentiment with his mouth finding its way to her neck. Nipping at her flesh, Joel’s mouth started to trail a line in over her collarbone. Resting his head against her chest, Joel’s right hand caressed up over the front of her abdomen until his thumb came in direct contact with her nipple. Circling it faintly with the rough pad of his thumb, Joel groaned out with the sound she made when he did it. Dropping his head down, Joel’s mouth surrounded her breast dragging the length of his tongue across the flesh. Teasing his tongue around the small bud in circular motions, Joel heard her moaning out and the ache inside of his body grew larger. A firm tug of her fingers at his hair had him lifting his head back to meet her in a hungry kiss. Brushing his tongue against hers, Joel’s body started to tremble as her hands dropped down to start working open the belt in his jeans. Cupping her face firmly, Joel wanted to keep his eyes locked with hers as she worked open his pants.
Tugging at his jeans, she got his pants open and parted them causing Joel to step forward. Teasing her fingertips at his hips, she caressed at his sides and up over his body again. Leaning back, Joel looked down between the two of them. Sweeping his thumb in over her jawline had her leaning into his caress. In that moment she noticed something and reached for Joel’s wrist.
“Joel?” she seemed worried with her eyes centering in over his watch that was on his wrist. What had worried her was that the watch appeared to be broken with a crack over it. “Did we do this?”
“Don’t,” Joel warned, pulling back and away from her lowering his hand down at his side to keep her from looking at it.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that happened,” she apologized assuming that they had done it with him carrying her over toward the table. “I can pay for that to get fixed and…”
“It’s been like that for a while,” Joel explained forcing himself to look away from her. Huffing out, Joel reached down to grab the t-shirt he had taken from her body and the hoodie. Holding them out toward her, Joel’s jaw flexed and he appeared angry almost immediately. Why was this happening again? “This was a bad idea. Get dressed. I’ll get you a ride back to the inn.”
“Joel?” she breathed out shocked at how quickly he turned on her with him grabbing his t-shirt to pull it back on. Hastily pulling the t-shirt she had in over her body, she was quick to follow Joel out of the room reaching to grab his wrist before he could leave. “What did I do?”
“Nothing. You did nothing,” Joel snapped at her getting a chill to run down her spine at how fast his attitude seemed to change when she noticed his broken watch. Some kind of switch had been flicked inside of him and that man that was desperate to be near her suddenly seemed to want to push her away again. “I just think it’s best for you to leave.”
“Stop,” her voice raised, hooking her fingers tighter around Joel’s wrist to force him from leaving. Pulling him back to her, she closed the distance between the two of them with her palm caressing in over the side of his face getting him to look at her. “I don’t know what’s going on with you and I won’t pretend that I understand but stop pushing me away from you.”
“I can’t do this,” Joel confessed with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat, a sense of sadness flooding throughout his features. Lifting her other hand, she caressed at the sides of his face having him whimpering.
“Can’t do what?” she tried to understand, being empathetic to whatever his situation was. “You don’t have to hide yourself from me Joel. Whatever is going on, I’ll understand it. We can work through it. I know what it feels like to be broken.”
“I don’t want you hurt,” Joel stressed to her, lifting his hands to curl his fingers around her wrists to stroke his thumbs at her pulse points. Within time his expression softened, the lines in his face becoming less prominent. A broken breath escaped him and she realized that was his way of putting a wall up between them, but she was doing her best to break it down in whatever ways she could. “I told you…”
“You’re poison,” she repeated what he had said before, his body tremoring as she closed the distance between them. “But you see? As stupid as it sounds, I’m a doctor. And whatever you think is going to happen to me, it won’t.”
“It’s not just that,” Joel grunted, his body incredibly tense as he stood before her. “I don’t deserve to have anything good in my life. What I had before this…”
“Joel,” she hushed him noticing that he was starting to get worked up again. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Resting her head against the center of his chest, she listened to the sound of his heartbeat. Having her near caused his heartbeat to go faster. “You don’t have to tell me what happened or what you are going through but stop pushing me away. Because I’m just going to keep coming back.”
After hearing her say that, Joel lowered his head and nestled his chin in over the top of her head. Wrapping her up in his arms, Joel let out a tremoring breath and she knew that he was loosening up to things, “There is something in you that heals a part of me. Things that I didn’t think I was capable of…”
Tipping her head back, she stared up into Joel’s dark eyes and shook her head, “let me do that for you.”
“I’m so broken,” Joel confessed with her hand sliding up to caress in over the center of his chest. “I’m no good.”
“Let me be the judge of that,” she countered, reaching for his hand to place it in over the center of her chest. Joel’s dark eyes gazed between them with his body faintly shaking. “Because I see parts of you that I don’t even think you realize exist. Just let me help you.”
Emotions flooded through his face and without saying anything, Joel grabbed a hold of her hand leading her toward his bedroom. Laying down at the center of the bed had her carefully crawling in beside him with them facing each other.
Reaching for his hand, she hooked her fingers with his and Joel pressed his forehead up to hers. Silence surrounded them, but it was obvious things were weighing heavy on Joel’s mind, “There so much good to you Joel Miller. You just have to give yourself a chance to see.”
----
Tags: @jdmorganz @carolineesnell @ayumi-wolf @dilfsandmartinis @christinamadsen
@brittmb115 @thegirlwiththemostcake3
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crescenthistory · 3 days ago
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HIIII CARINA!! BIGGEST CONGRATS ON 2K!!! you are so amazing and your writing is so so beautiful!! you are the most deserving of such a huge milestone <333
i was wondering if you could argue regulus black with number 24 from the aus list? he is very dear to me, your honor <33
HIIII SWEET ANON!! thank you so so much, you are just so awfully kind<33 giving you a big smooch and a little bit of reggie xx this will be the "soulmates cannot injure one another" au !
✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶
i will ARGUE for prompt 24 "soulmate au" with regulus black
carina's 2k celebration
✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶
cw: gn!reader, black family trauma, implied childhood physical abuse, acid, somewhat sunshine!reader
wc: 2k (i will write short drabbles she said. they will be less than 1.5k she said. girl.)
Regulus knew he should tell you, and he knew he should do so soon – Sirius had even gone as far as to say he had to tell you. 
Regulus knew he had to tell you, but he had no idea how.
Soulmates always felt so foreign to him growing up, some abstract concept he could not apply to the realities he saw around him. Someone who was destined to choose you and to love you, to the extent where it would be physically impossible for them to hurt or injure you in any capacity. No matter what he did, no matter how many nights he laid up thinking it over or how many books he devoured to understand it, Regulus could not make sense of it.
Even years later, when he had at last processed that love in and of itself should mean you could never harm the other, without any cosmic intervention, he had felt as if that was simply not a possibility for him.
Until Potions class.
Until his lovely, warm, capable – though, perhaps a bit clumsy in this instance – deskmate accidentally spilled an acidic potion all over his left hand. Until he was only frightened by the terror in your gasp and not any sensation spreading over his skin. Until he had to shield his hand from view and pretend to go to the infirmary immediately, because he was entirely, wholly unscathed. 
Now he has spent an entire week hiding his hand from view lest anyone see his distinct lack of scarring. He has also spent three whole days hiding from his concerned older brother who at last demanded to see his hand and whose eyebrows shot up farther than they should have been able to when Regulus’ hand remained silky smooth.
Regulus knew he had to tell you, but he could not.
Because out of any person he had ever met in his life, you were the one he would have begged at Heaven’s gates to have as his soulmate if he had believed himself to possess one. For the first few days he wondered if you being his soulmate was perhaps the reason why he felt so strongly about it, but that was not fathomable enough for him. 
You had always caught his eye, with your laugh and your eyes and your atmosphere. Not once in his whole time at Hogwarts had he walked into a room you were in without noticing you immediately. That could not be chalked up to your apparent soulmate bond; not when your intellect, beauty and aura spoke for themselves as clearly as they did. 
Regulus was certain everyone noticed you, because how could they not?
Regulus being Regulus, though, never did much with that warm feeling in his chest. He let you live and admired you from a distance. You once told him you didn’t even know he remembered your name before Slughorn assigned you as deskmates, his face schooled into indifference as always. That never made sense to him either.
As deskmates, whatever connection you had blossomed. Regulus began to consider you a friend, perhaps even one he would dare call dear. You said the same, but he thought you kind enough to embrace everyone as a friend.
It was because of your kindness and his previous determination to admire you from a distance that he felt he could not tell you. It would be cruel, not to mention ironic. He had joked many a time that you should be more assertive of your boundaries, that you should not allow just about anyone into your life – at the time you had both laughed, but he also meant it. Your openness was something he admired, but also feared, for your sake. You might just end up with the worst of the worst because you thought you could rearrange its letters.
Regulus knew his letters needed rearranging, and he feared you would believe it your task just because the universe said so. What did the universe know?
Despite his many minutes of internal monologue trying to gear him towards confessing, he was increasingly deciding not to. The more he let himself think, the further he spiralled, and guilt and selfishness took over his every cognitive ability.
Because if you accepted Regulus’ hand just because you were too kind not to, his heart might break. It would be selfish, but he was selfish, and he could not help it.
“Regulus?”
Fuck. 
Turns out when you hide away in the owlery for bordering on an hour to gather yourself and deal with your thoughts, others might catch on. And who else but you would be attentive enough to catch up on his absence and deduce where he was?
Regulus pulled his robes down over his hands and turned his head around towards the door with a half-smile, still leaning against the windowsill with both elbows. “Oh, hi, love. What are you doing here?”
You stood in the doorway smiling brightly, leaning a head against its frame. “I was about to ask you that very same question. I haven’t seen you at all this week, not since Potions. Are you still certain you’re alright?”
You walked towards him as you spoke and despite the sweetness of your words, something about the intensity of your gaze made Regulus feel like he was being cornered. He remained rigid still, following your movements without ever breaking eye contact. You hoisted yourself up into the wide window sill, thigh dangerously close to his elbow.
He pressed his clothed hands further to his chest and held your gaze steadily, schooling his face as much as possible. “Yes,” he almost whispered. “Like I said, I’m alright, I swear it. Pomfrey caught it early. I really don’t want you to worry about it, it wasn’t your fault.”
You bobbed your head side to side and narrowed your eyes at something outside the window. “It was kind of my fault, and as your deskmate I’m all but legally obligated to worry.” You turned your face back towards him with a blinding, almost cheeky smile. “I, uhm, that’s why I stopped by Pomfrey’s too, actually. After. Legal obligation to check up on you with the matron herself.” 
If it wasn’t for the fire blazing in his face, Regulus was certain his blood would have frozen in his veins. He didn’t blink or swallow, still as a statue as his gaze settled on the space between his elbow and your thigh. 
“She said she hadn’t seen you that day,” you continued, your voice still light and airy. Not accusatory, not upset. Knowing. “Though, you already knew that, of course.”
Regulus cleared his throat forcefully. “Sorry, lo– just, uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to lie to you, I just.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a second, hating not having control in a situation, much less so over his own words. “I managed to heal up rather quickly on my own.”
It was a weak explanation, but he had no idea how to explain walking scot-free away from that situation without a healer. You seemed to agree with him because you laughed a little, bumping into his elbow purposefully to catch his attention.
When he looked up to meet your eyes, mirth was dancing in them, your lips drawn taut. “See, at first, I wondered if maybe we didn’t make the potion correctly – which would have been odd for us, but you know, it can happen to anyone. That it wasn’t acidic enough to actually make any injury. I only noticed when I got back to my own dorms that the splash was larger than I originally thought. I just saw the potion hit your hand and focused on that, but turns out my own robes were all burnt through.” You lifted your right arm to show how your sleeve had scattered holes from where drops of acidic potion hit it. “So, clearly it was effective enough to make some harm. And I was thinking and turning it over, how we possibly could not have been hurt.”
Regulus cut off your speech with the strangled noise that escaped his throat at the confrontation. “Y/N…” 
Again, he was not looking at you, but you bumped his elbow one more time. With a deep breath, he rose to his full height to look at you. “Have you pieced two and two together yet?” Your voice was gentle, not an ounce of mockery in it, or even expectation. Just wonder.
“It’s the only thing that makes sense.” 
Regulus felt as if it was not him saying the words, as if this was happening to someone else. His movements were slow like they would have been when submerged in water, but there was a flame slowly lighting in his chest. 
Your expression grew a bit timid, small smile spreading. “Does it? Make sense, I mean?”
He understood what you were asking, but he could not understand why you were. Of all the things to react to in this situation, of all the things to be unhappy about. He wanted to say no, he wanted to say “you deserve better” but none of those words passed his lips.
“I– I think so.” An involuntary upward twitch of the corners of his lips. “Or at least, I hope so.”
“It makes sense to me,” you whispered. “If I’m honest with you, I have been hoping for it for quite some time.”
“Is that why you spilled the potion on me?” Even as Regulus spoke he began to laugh a little, trying to lighten the mood despite being aware that it was mostly his hesitation keeping it down.
You pretended like you were about to kick him for it, beautiful laughter spilling past your lips. “Don’t be mean to me, Regulus Black. Just because you can’t hurt me physically doesn’t mean you can’t wound me.”
He furrowed his brows and took a step closer to you, almost standing between your legs where you were sitting on the ledge. “Aren’t you scared of that?” There was more vulnerability in his voice than he would usually allow, but with you, it just felt right. “That I’ll… wound you? I’m not a good person.”
Your smile turned sad. He had a funny feeling that it was for him and not because of him. “I’m not. There is nothing to be scared of.” You said it so matter-of-factly, as if this was a universal truth. “You don’t get to decide if you’re a good person or not, your actions define that for you. And yours have been nothing but kind.”
When he tried to look down at his feet, abashedly, you stretched your hand out in front of you, an offering for him to take.
Ever so slowly he retracted his left hand from his robes and gently placed it in yours, palm against palm. He managed to just barely catch glimpse of the smile that spread across your lips at the sight of his unscarred skin. You squeezed his hand with your own.
“We don’t have to act on it, if you don’t want to.” The tone of your voice had changed, it was much more subdued, uncertain. “Lots of people don’t. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
“Do you want to not act on it?” Regulus knew it was cruel to turn the question back to you, to force you to be the first to make such a confession. As previously stated, he was selfish. He knew that, even if you didn’t yet.
You held his gaze unwaveringly and spoke the scariest and most beautiful word he had ever heard: “No.”
At last, a full-fledged smile fought to spread across his face as he huffed a laugh. “That makes two of us, then.”
He would have lived through the terror of voicing his feelings out loud a thousand times over for the pure joy he saw light up in your eyes at that. “Yeah?” You pulled him closer by your joined hands, your smile was all teeth.
“Yeah.” He spoke breathlessly, finally stepping in between your legs, faces inches away from each other. “I don’t know how to do this. But I do know that I want to do it with you.”
Regulus had been kissed before, or at least so he thought. He had never been kissed like this, though, and he never would by anyone else again.
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manns-cape · 3 days ago
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hey Jumblr is discussing why dogs are insult, if it has to do with them being haram and why they are considered haram?
sorry to tokenize you but any input?
my baseline reaction is that anyone comparing an entire group of people to an animal is dehumanizing them and spreading bigotry. that's completely wrong and i don't want to come off as justifying any of that.
anyway you asked about why dogs are haram! ig some cultural information around Attitudes About Dogs. i'm A Bad Muslim so any other muslim feel free to correct or add on
dog ownership for reasons besides hunting, herding, and livestock is haram because for most of history dogs have been dirty and smelly (and we now know they can be major conveyors of disease). cleanliness is *extremely* important in islam and cleaning yourself before every prayer is absolutely required. according to the prophet, if you have a dog in the house, then the dirty smell of dogs will keep angels from entering and protecting you, and leave you open to contamination and demons. irl now, practically, they're haram bc the prophet disliked dirty and stinky things. cleanliness is absolutely integral and required for every single religious thing muslims do. it would fucking suck so much to be almost done with prayer and then your dog licks you and you have to clean yourself all over again and pray all over again. that's just not a way to live.
it's also about that it's not allowed to frighten another muslim. dogs can and do kill people and it's perfectly normal to be scared of them. your dog might not scare or threaten you, but it could scare and/or threaten someone else.
certain populations of muslims have always loved to call even other muslims a "dog", "pig", "donkey." (with the same meaning as i've seen in any other culture-- calling someone a dog is saying they're spineless, a pig is greedy, a donkey is boorish) we have so much fucking jurisprudence around this because calling someone these are technically the biggest insult within islam. from aisha's recollection of the prophet it should not be done. however, a lot of muslims couldn't help themselves. so there are all these bickering laws about how serious it is to call another muslim a dog and other people a dog and what the appropriate punishment for that is. muslims still have trouble with calling each other these words. they're not exclusively reserved for any specific population of people, and even other arabs and other muslims are not safe from it.
muslims don't inherently hate dogs and want to murder all dogs. it's a controversial area of law because muslims keep trying to weasel in ways to own dogs and have it be halal lol (e.g. arguing that if you keep a dog for "livestock" then you're technically using the dog to guard animals, so what's so wrong if you're owning a dog to guard the home)
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scrollonso · 2 days ago
Text
Eventually — Lawhan Mixed Media AU
Twitch Streamer AU — 1.2k words — @ellearts
outbacksprout
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outbacksprout went out with lancey and his puppy!!
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maplemarauder my angel bb :(
outbacksprout me or honey >:( maplemarauder both my angel bb's!!
user is that outback on the last slide??
user I THINK SO!! user he's been posting faceless pics of himself sm recently!
kkofficial✅️
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kkofficial✅️ family time over, 24 hour elden ring steam in the works!
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flyingdutchman 24?? mate wth
kkofficial u heard me ho flyingdutchman u have issues
user o.b. and liam post on the same day... it's too much
user HELP why do we all like both of them user outback and liam lovers unite??
user liam are you gonna stream cod tonight??
kkofficial i'm thinking abt it!! if i do it'll be in a few hours
Liam’s stream was chaos — as usual. He was halfway through a COD match, yelling instructions at his teammates while chat spammed messages at lightning speed.
He narrowly avoided a grenade, shouting, “How the fuck is this guy everywhere? He’s like a — a fuckin' kangaroo on steroids!” as his team erupted into laughter.
But even in the chaos, Liam couldn’t help noticing his chat filling with a different kind of energy.
"OMG GUYS OUTBACK LIVE! >-<"
"Why do you guys do this to me? Both my favs are live at the SAME time 😭😭"
"Outback and Liam collab when??"
“Outback?” Liam muttered, confused, leaning closer to his second monitor as he scanned the chat. “Wait, you mean the Stardew guy? The faceless one who has that cat cam?”
The chat erupted:
"YES!"
"That’s him! He’s live, and it’s so wholesome right now :("
"Imagine Liam raging while Outback is talking about his pixel crops lol."
Liam smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Faceless farmer? What exactly does he do?”
The replies came fast:
"Farms?? LMAO"
"He’s super chill, it’s the complete opposite of your chaos... (luv u dont ban me)"
"His voice is literally melted butter. So soft and warm. </3"
"He got excited over finding a rare fruit tree today,, it was adorable."
Liam chuckled, raising an eyebrow. “So you’re saying while I’m out here sweating bullets in warzones, this guy is geeking out over fruit trees? That’s… kind of amazing, actually.”
Another wave of messages flooded in:
"You’d like him, Liam."
"Outback raid would be legendary."
"DO IT!
"RAID OB!"
Liam grinned, tapping his desk as he considered. “Alright, alright. Let me finish this game, and maybe I’ll see what all the fuss is about. But no promises.”
He didn’t admit it, but he was curious. Someone who could charm his viewers this much, all while staying faceless and cozy, had to be something special. And judging by the way his chat wouldn’t shut up about it, maybe this “Outback” deserved the attention.
Jack was peacefully streaming his latest Stardew Valley playthrough — this time he was set on marrying every male character in the game, his warm, quiet voice filling the air as he commented on his latest in-game project. “Alright, so I think the pumpkin patch can go here, and we’ll line the path with some of these little pink flowers…”
The chat was a flurry of supportive messages, as usual, but suddenly the tone shifted.
"O.B!!!!!, KiwiKiller is talking about you on his stream!"
"Liam mentioned you like, five minutes ago!"
"He called you the 'faceless farmer' — so cute."
Jack froze mid-sentence, his mouse hovering over a patch of soil. “Wait, what?” he asked, his soft accent tinged with confusion. “KiwiKiller? That FPS guy?”
More messages flooded in:
"Yea! He said you geek out over crops, and he thinks it’s amazing!"
"He’s still live OB!! he might raid you after his game."
"Liam and Outback collab when???"
Jack chuckled nervously, leaning back in his chair as he adjusted his headset. “Uh, well, that’s… unexpected,” he admitted, a faint blush creeping into his voice. “I didn’t think someone like him would even know I exist.”
The chat immediately reassured him:
"Of course he knows you! You’re iconic, Outback :("
"Everyone loves you, mate.
"YEAH!!! Even sweaty FPS streamers."
"He’s probably jealous of your pumpkin patch skills."
Jack smiled, his voice softening even more. “I don’t know about that, but… it’s kind of cool, I guess. I mean, he’s got such a big audience, and he’s, you know, really good at what he does. Meanwhile, I’m over here getting excited about pixel carrots.”
His chat exploded with laughing emotes and messages of support:
"Pixel carrots > killstreaks any day, O.B."
"Outback supremacy!"
"We need him to raid you,, it’s what the people want </3"
Jack shook his head, his shyness evident in his tone. “If he raids, I’m going to have to hide under the desk or something,” he joked. “I don’t know how to handle all that attention.”
Still, as he returned to his pumpkin patch, there was a small, curious smile on his face. The idea of someone like KiwiKiller noticing him — someone so loud and confident, the polar opposite of his quiet streams — felt strange, but also… kind of exciting.
Liam leaned back in his chair, satisfied after yet another victory. His stream was winding down, but his chat was buzzing with anticipation.
"RAID OUTBACK!"
"You promised, Liam!"
"Do it!"
"Faceless farmer, here we come!"
Liam laughed, shaking his head. “Alright, alright, fine. Let’s see if this OutbackSprout guy is still live.” He opened a new tab, scrolling through Twitch until he found the cozy stream everyone had been hyping up. The screen showed a beautifully organized Stardew Valley farm, with Jack’s soft voice narrating his plans for the day.
“Oh, fuck, this is adorable,” Liam said, grinning. “Look at this! The little pumpkins! The fence! This guy’s living his best farming life.”
His chat exploded with excitement:
"HE’S PERFECT, RIGHT??"
"RAID NOW!"
"He’s so different from you, you guys need to be friends!"
“Alright, let’s do it,” Liam said, clicking the raid button. “Let’s bring some chaos to his little farm.”
Jack was mid-sentence, explaining his plans to expand his barn, when his chat suddenly went wild.
"KIWIKILLER RAID!"
"THE KIWI IS HERE!"
"OMG HI LIAM!"
Jack blinked, his hand freezing on his mouse. “Wait… what? No way.” He glanced at the viewer count, which had skyrocketed in seconds. “Oh my gosh. Um, hi, everyone. Welcome.”
Liam’s viewers flooded the chat with messages, while Jack’s regulars tried to explain:
"KiwiKiller just raided you! He’s been talking about you all stream!"
"Be nice to him, Outback!"
Jack stammered, his voice tinged with nervous laughter. “This is… a lot. Thank you, uh, KiwiKiller? Liam? For the raid. I— Uhm, I hope you like Stardew Valley?”
Liam’s message popped up in the chat:
"We love it already. Your farm's cute, mate."
Jack’s cheeks flushed, even though no one could see him. “Oh, um, thanks. It’s… nothing fancy, just, you know, some pumpkins and stuff.”
Liam joined the chat banter, his tone uncharacteristically soft and encouraging:
"Don’t sell yourself short, mate. This is impressive. Chat’s right,, you’ve got some serious farming skills."
Jack’s nervous chuckle turned into a genuine laugh. “I think that’s the first time anyone’s called me impressive, but thank you. Seriously.”
The interaction was so wholesome that both chats couldn’t stop gushing:
"NEW BESTIES!"
"They’re so sweet omg."
"This crossover is everything."
After the stream ended, Jack checked his notifications and saw a new follower on Instagram: kkofficial. Hesitating for only a moment, he clicked follow back.
Not long after, he received a DM:
Liam:
"Thx for being such a good sport abt the raid. Your stream’s cute. Would love to play something chill w/ you sometime. Only if ur up for it."
Jack stared at the message, his heart racing. After a deep breath, he replied:
Jack:
"Thanks for the kind words and for the raid. I’d love to! :3 Maybe I can teach you how to plant pumpkins without yelling at them..."
The friendship — and maybe something more — had officially begun.
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